#*gets hit in the face by a dozen lazer beams*

[rawliverandgoronspice]

oh nooooo not me forgetting to not go on zelda youtube and being forced to reckon with the sheer magnitude of its fanbase's unchecked racism

[adamwatchesmovies]

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Live Free or Die Hard a.k.a. Die Hard 4.0 pushed the franchise to this limits but it's a documentary compared to A Good Day to Die Hard. This fifth and final chapter is a dumb, ugly, badly written film populated with templates instead of characters. Thankfully, it's so thin and unmemorable, it passes by like nothing and then exits your memory.

In Moscow, corrupt Russian official Viktor Cagarin (Sergei Kolesnikov) is strongarming former billionaire and government whistleblower Yuri Komarov (Sebastian Koch). Unless Yuri hands over his secret files incriminating Viktor, Yuri will never see the light of day again. When his trial is interrupted by a terrorist attack, Jack McClane (Jai Courtney) pulls Yuri out of the wreckage and they go on the run. Meanwhile, NYPD detective John McClane (Bruce Willis), unaware that his son works for the CIA, travels to Russia to rescue Jack.

Remember how John McClane’s biggest obstacle in the original film was a floor covered in glass? No one in this movie does. There’s “protagonist armour” and then, there’s the forcefield around this man. At various points throughout, John survives two car crashes within the span of ten minutes and walks away from them without even dusting himself off, he pulls a piece of jagged metal shrapnel from his leg as if it’s a wooden splinter, he jumps out of a glass window without hesitation before falling through half a dozen floors of wooden scaffolding and getting up again to keep the nonsense going. If they make another one of these, they might as well have him flying around the city shooting lazer beams from his eyes. Gaining super powers would be the only thing that could happen to a man who emerges from a pool of radioactive water like it’s nothing. Even Superman has well-documented weaknesses. 2013’s John McClane is IN-VIN-CIBLE.

From the director of Max Payne and the writer of Hitman comes a film that doesn’t care about anything and who banks entirely on an audience blinded by nostalgia. When John isn’t arguing with his son and making fun of him for working for the CIA (what?), he’s the living embodiment of “The Ugly American”. Having demolished the first car he’s stolen, he walks in the middle of traffic. He nearly gets hit by a car. The driver gets out, yelling at him. What does John do? He punches this man in the face, yells at him for speaking in Russian - in Russia - and then drives off with his vehicle. This is our hero?

I’ve focussed my thoughts almost exclusively on John because he’s the only character in the film. Well, that’s being generous. He’s more of a collection of sarcastic remarks than an actual human being. Jack is frustrated and determined. That's it. The villains? They’re a joke. Radivoje Bukvić plays a tap-dancing, carrot-eating baddie who's less threatening than Bugs Bunny. He does suceed in making your jaw fall to the floor, which is something but I can’t imagine what anyone was thinking with that nothing of a role.

There are more plot holes than plot in A Good Day to Die Hard. You think I’m joking, but not really. You'll see the twists coming. Character arcs? The closest thing we get to one is Jack shifting from calling his father “John” to “Dad” near the end. For comparison, here's my short list of things that make no sense:

If Yuri Komarov’s super secret file will expose Viktor Chagarin for the crook that he is, why does he want it back? Shouldn’t he just want Yuri dead so he can’t share it?

How can John and Jack - travelling via stolen car - get to Chernobyl nearly as quickly as a helicopter?

When did they invent those magic wands that can spray steam and make radiation disappear? If those exist, why haven’t they cleaned up all of Chernobyl?

Why aren’t there any police in Moscow? At one point, the villains fly a war helicopter through the city, blasting at buildings willy-nilly. We never even hear a single siren down below.

Why did Irina (Yulia Snigir) kill herself to avenge her father?

How are Jack and John supposed to get out of the country when they’re just created a second nuclear disaster by blowing up a safe full of radioactive materials less than twelve hours after engaging in a high-speed chase that saw at least a dozen cars (and their passengers) get squished?

Why didn’t that taxi driver (Pasha D. Lynchnikoff) ever come back?

I distinctly remember the theatrical release of A Good Day to Die Hard. A friend asked me if I wanted to see it with him. I said yes because I knew that at the nearby Futureshop, I could buy a Blu-ray of the original film and with it, get a promo code to see this new release for less than $3. Did paying less enhance my experience? Not really. I paid nothing to see A Good Day to Die Hard a second time and it sucks even more now! (February 11, 2022)

[pineapple----princess]

Danger Days Secret Santa

@ruination-formation, I was your secret santa! Sorry it's up late, but I hope you like it.

_____________

Prompt:

The Witch has a habit of pulling the truth out of killjoys. It doesn't matter if they accept that truth or not.

Ship:

Fun Ghoul/ Kobra Kid

_________________

"Look, all I'm sayin is that maybe pulling out a grenade during a supply run isnt the best idea..."

I glanced over at Fun Ghoul. We had gone on a supply run into Battery City. Ghoul had at one point (and by at one point, I mean weeks) said that if he had to eat one more can of expired dog food, he was gonna give himself up to Korse just because dracs get better food than they do. Party Poison had told him to either go get some real food, or for Destroya's sake, shut his goddamn mouth.

Jet and I agreed whole heartedly. I mean, who wants to listen to Ghoul complain about kibble all day? Sure, I enjoy hearing his voice. It's one if the few things that keeps me sane, or maybe it's the think that's driving me to the brink of insanity. Either way, I love his voice. It's always filled with passion for whatever hes planning. He always is so filled with energy. But, the few times he is relaxed, he has this low grumble that makes me want to sit and listen to him till I fall asleep. Hell, I have fallen asleep to his voice.

But that's besides the point he was driving us crazy with his complaining. I have a hunch that it's not just the Power Pup. Theres been nothin to do for the past few weeks. We've all been getting restless. It's a rare occasion that theres nothin to do. But here we are.

I was ripped from my thoughts when I heard a loud slam of the door. Ghoul had left. Then I heard the Trans Am start up. I jumped out of my seat. Right as I am about to leave, I looked back at the other two members of the gang.

"I'm goin with him" I say.

None of us would have any clue what was going to happen in Battery City the next day.

•~•

"Look, all I'm sayin is that maybe pulling out a grenade during a supply run isnt the best idea..."

"Who are you to talk? You do this kinda bullshit all the time!"

"Ghoul please. There are swarms of dracs everywhere. It isnt funny. I'm all for playing pranks on Better Living, but right now we are in one of their most highly guarded food containment facilities. We dont have room for error!"

Ghoul turns and looks at me. The look in his eyes are different. Instead if the mistevious smile that usually rests on his face, theres a fire. Not the good kind either. Theres so much anger and hatred. It shocks me. Then I realize. It's the anniversary of him leaving the city for the zones. BL/ind had hurt him so much. Likely more than anyone else in the gang. He always powers through, hides the pain that he is so clearly feeling.

But now he has been enabled. A grenade in hand standing in one of the most important buildings Better Living has. Setting off that grenade, however would indefinitely ghost both of us, as well. But he dosnt seem to know, or care.

"Why do you care so much? No food means no production, this could set back BL/ind far enough that we could have a chance!"

I can see the hysteria building in his eyes.

"I care because this would kill both of us. If it only dust me, I would be fine with it, but you would be dusted too!"

I was yelling by the end of my sentence. I wasn't thinking. The yelling had attracted the attention of several dozen drac units. I wasn't joking when I said this place was heavily guarded.

Ghoul and I whipped out our blasters. My gaze darted to him. He looked nervous, not that anyone else could tell. To any of our opponents, he would look calm. Cocky, even. But I knew him better than that. Sure, the gang had taken on more than this, but that was when there was four of us. Now there was only two.

We started shooting. So did the dracs. It was complete chaos. I somehow ended up with the grenade. I knew that if only one well placed shot hit it, everyone and everything in this building would be gone. I know this because I helped build the grenade. I was bored, and so was Ghoul. We had explosives. Thus it was born.

But I couldnt think about that, or anything really. Only shooting. We were in a small room that was once white. The scorches of blasters painted the walls black. It was beutiful, in an odd way. But small rooms mean nowhere to hide.

There were dracs strewn all over the floor. The first group that we were confronted with almost definitely gone. But more kept coming. I looked at Ghoul. His jaw was set, eyes were narrowed. He was completely focused. A rare sight, but a good one.

Suddenly my abdomen started burning. An invisible fire scorched my entire body. I dropped to the floor. I could hear Ghoul scream. I looked down. Sure enough, there was a small, black hole in my stomach.

Then everything froze.

Not in a metaphorical way, either. Everything just stopped. The firefight completely paused around me. Then I saw her. Maybe she was a her. It was hard to tell, considering her body was shrouded in a feathery cloak sort of thing, and her face was concealed by a mask.

As she came towards me, I realized she was floating maybe two inches off the ground. She stopped. I looked at her. This must be The Witch Jet Star kept on talking about. I just thought that she was some sort of zone myth. But here she was. Floating right infront of me.

"It's not your time yet..." Her voice calm, yet daunting "How did you manage to die, without it being your time to go?"

She looked down on me. I could feel the confusion radiating off of her.

"I dont know" I said. It was all I could say. I looked back over at the frozen Ghoul, a lazer beam headed straight towards his forehead.

"Is this still happening? Or did you really freeze time?"

"That all depends on how you perceive it, Kobra Kid", she looked down at me,"You care about that boy more than you know."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you care more about him than most everything else in this world"

"You make it sound like I have some undying attachment to him"

"You do", she ponders for a second,"You're dead. Theres no denying that. However, you're not supposed to be dead."

"Okay... so what's going to happen?"

"Well, how do feel about where time has stopped? Do you think you could leave now, and be content with your contributions in this life?"

I look back at Fun Ghoul, who's imminent demise was obvious.

"No. I want to save Ghoul. He has so much more to do"

The Witch turns toward me.

"That is not at all how you feel about Fun Ghoul."

"What do you mean?" I was starting to get frustrated.

"You feel more for him. Different than how you feel for the other KillJoys. Now, I ask again, how do you feel about him?"

My face was completely flushed with anger and embarrassment by this point.

"Okay so I love him. Big deal. You offered me another chance, now can I have it?"

"...yes, you may."

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Blackmist (Watasaeki Kurogiri)/Ragdoll (Shiretoko Tomoko), Dabi (Todoroki Touya)/Mr. Compress (Sako Atsuhiro), Toga Himiko/Eri, Twice (Bubaigawara Jin)/Spinner (Iguchi Shuichi), Overhaul (Chisaki Kai).Chronostasis (Kurono Hari)/Shigaraki Tomura (Shimura Tenko)

Word Count: 1320 Words

Summary: Tetsutetsu and Kendo fight Mustard, Twice has to find Touya, and the Training Camp Arc wraps up.

Warnings: Blackmail/Extortion/Threats, Fighting/Violence, Injury (Shooting), Blood, Head Injury, Partial Muteness (Touya can’t speak without it hurting because of his scars), Kidnapping, Flashbacks,  Sickness/Illness (Flu/Pneumonia), let me know if I should add anything else.

Note: Based on this AU. Link here to this chapter on ao3. Kurogiri is a pro hero and UA teacher. Ahmya means ‘black rain and Ayeka means ‘someone who thinks quickly, rationally, or logically’. Shinokanri means ‘possessive particle control’, since her family is mainly telekinetic quirks. Yukimura is Todoroki Rei’s maiden name, it means ‘snow village’. Tamijiki is Magne’s chosen name, it means ‘honest beautiful’.

The Leage Of Misfit Heroes: Chapter 6- As We Disappear

Eri bounced nervously around in her energy form, the gas would kill her if she wasn't in her energy form but she was getting tired and weirded out by Koku's muttering. She hated being here.

"Three. No, two people are headed straight for us. I guess a few of them avoided my gas and realized I'm here. I should've expected that from a prestigious school." She heard him grabbing something.

"I found you!" Screamed a student and, she was blinded by panic as she rushed to block the student from the villain, a loud bang ringing over her heartbeat in her ears and she collapsed, her energy form gone and she struggled to breathe, feeling blood pouring from the wound now in her head and she felt hands on her to keep her in one place. She felt a mask being placed over her face, filtering the air and she shook feeling the blood pooling and staining her hair.

"You're okay, you're okay." Her vision blacked out to feeling the hands leaving and screaming above her.

'No, don't leave.' she thought. 'I don't wanna die alone.'

"Vanguard Action Squad, I've got our target! Head back to the retrieval point." She heard Sako in her ear. She managed to click the vocal broadcast on her own earpiece.

"Help." She wasn't sure she'd spoken, or if she even had clicked the right button but she passed out without being able to check.

"Touya!" Jin screamed for his partner. This idiot was missing and he wasn't able to use the talking earpieces because, well, no one expected him to hurt himself talking unless he was in danger. Damn those scars, Touya wasn't able to talk without hurting himself.

"I let out our friend stuck in the school building. Get your partner, Twice." He heard their inside man's voice over the earpiece and sighed in relief, rushing quietly to get Touya, who looked panicked as he ran from the school building and to him, both running off into the woods to get to the meeting point.

They had to stop at a point where Touya collapsed with overexertion and started crying our of stress, Twice holding his shaking friend close and trying to comfort him before having to keep them moving by picking him up and carrying him to the meeting point.

"Get off!" Shuichi screeched at the cat-lady above him, pinning him down no matter how many weak force fields he used to try to move her off. Tami was struggling away from Tiger, screaming and he what believed was an asthma attack. If he could just reach her, he could get her free and she could try to calm down.

"Yes, let's move the two of you. Someplace more fitting." Kurogiri's voice came and he almost thought 'saviour'.

"Give them back to us!" Midoriya screamed as they practically bodyslammed the boy in yellow and boy with silver hair.

"Out of the way, you two." Touya told the two teammates, readying a snow attack and firing it once the raven and silverette were out of the way, aka Hari covering Sako with his body. The snow sent the three attackers away from the two while a vaguely familiar voice entered his mind.

"Midoriya! Shoji!" The rush that came with just the two words trembled him and he gasped in a shaky breath.

'Tou, look!' 'We'll always be best friends. We'll always have each other! Built in best friends!' 'Touya, no, move!' 'Mama?' He collapsed to his knees with weakness and trembled.

"Shoto?" He asked himself as Jin and Hari began fighting the three that had attacked Atsuhiro and Hari with the tall one with half a dozen arms whacked Hari away from the green haired kid and Twice dodged Shoto. His eyes followed his twin, tears filling up his eyes. He thought he'd never see him again.

Once the three students revealed they'd stolen the three marbles from Sako, they tried to run off only to be driven back by the Nomu that was under Shimura's control, which was headed back to the meeting site and Blackmist appeared to halt them and scare them.

"It's been five minutes since the signal. Let's go, children." Kurogiri told them. Even as his teammates filed out through the portals, Hari had to drag him up and toward the portal with his other arm holding an unconscious Atsuhiro, who likely had been unconscious since his initial impact with the ground.

"Hold on! We can't leave without the kid!" He exclaimed at Hari.

"Don't worry. Hari told him, as if bragging. "They were so proud of themselves rooting through Atsu's pockets that I thought I'd let them gloat." Kurono turned to face the students. "Let me explain. They forgot there was a second villain involved. Atsu didn't have the marbles with their precious friends in them, he had dupes."

Hari held up the evidence of the two's trick and, suddenly, a lazer beam came from just before the clearing where Touya had collapsed earlier to cry, hitting Hari's hand and causing him to fumble and drop all three marbles. The three students began running to them, trying to get their friend back.

Touya saw Shoto rushing toward his direction and his body panicked and, instead of reaching for the marble, every instinct in his brain opened his arms for a hug like Sho would when they were tiny, before their mother hurt them, before their father isolated them, before they were abused. Hari fumbled and grabbed one of the marbles as Shoto practically tackled Touya into the warp gate and the twins ended up on the floor, both breathing hard.

Touya hiccupped, beginning to cry as Shoto held up his prize of the marble he'd caught and then he looked around only for his face of victory to fall as he realized he was surrounded by the League of Villains inside their bar. Touya was yanked away from his twin by Iguchi but he screamed and fought away from even him.

With his face red and his body shaking, he ran up to th bedroom above the bar, hiding in the corner next to his bed as he began sobbing. He didn't want this anymore, he didn't want any of this to begin with. He just wanted to be happy and live his life out with Atsu and maybe be reunited with his brother one day. But he didn't want their reunion to be like this, never like this.

Eventually Hari came up to comfort him, seeing as Atsu was still unconscious and was laying in their shared bed. After some time, Shoto came upstairs with a purple haired kid, a blonde kid, and the rest of the members of the league. The three captured students wore quirk inhibitors and Touya noticed the distinct lack of Kai, Eri, and Himiko.

Tenko was curled up in his bed, shivering through his fever and Tamijiki had draped herself into bed with her nebulizer, calming her lungs. But Eri, Himi, and Kai were just not there.

"Where's the other three?" He asked after a second.

"They didn't get warped back." His heart dropped and his body felt cold. Sako stirred and woke slowly and he buried his hand in his boyfriend's, laying his head on the bed tiredly while Hari tried to get him into bed to hopefully sleep off this stressful day. Eventually the half and half listened and dragged himself into bed, still shaky from all his back-to-back anxiety attacks today.

He couldn't help but mourn Eri and Himiko and feel horrible for Tenko and Hari. Eri and Himiko were all but lost, never to be seen by him again and Tenko and Hari had to live without their other boyfriend now that Kai had likely been taken into custody. He passed out still mourning them and thinking himself lucky for having not lost his best friend and boyfriend.