#-look good. that’s all it is. maybe I’m overthinking this but god I hate seeing shit like that

[pissfizz]

Ughhh I hate ig sm sometimes

[astonmartingf]

ADORE YOU ; KR7

kimi raikkonen x mclaren driver!reader

. . . your relationship with kimi was always civil, not too close like friends, but not too far apart like strangers. somehow you got stuck in a situation leaving both of you confronting your feelings for each other.

amgf still one of the best things i wrote, ever. this is my baby, the time i spent making the radio graphics was all worth it, i love this so much ughh

death of a bachelor ; masterlist

Getting called in for a private meeting with the team principal is always worrying. Usually you’re called for one of two reasons, either you’ve done exceptionally well or if you’ve fucked up. With how things are looking up, you’re clearly called in because you’ve fucked up and one of the sponsors has found something to complain about.

You were used to it, sadly. And despite his constant reassurance, you know Fernando doesn’t have that much power to help you. Paired with his recent win in the driver’s championship you kept your mouth shut from the pressure held on you.

The last thing you want is to take away the spotlight from him, it was his win after all. Despite the number of news outlets questioning his position, and the ambiguity of it all with you in the center of controversy.

All because of some harmless photos with Kimi, one that caught him off guard. Not because he was unknowingly involved, but with the fact that he only knew then just how many people loathe you in the industry who are constantly waiting for you to fuck up.

Breathing out, you shake off the million thoughts running in your head. There’s no use overthinking what has been done, standing in front of the team principal’s door you brace yourself for the worst that could happen.

Thinking to yourself that maybe this is the end of it all, that maybe they’ve finally succeeded in leaving you without a seat for the next season. The worst that could happen is Renault pulling out your contract early, and you were preparing for the worst.

The person out of your equation is Kimi Raikkonen himself- the first person your eyes landed upon entering the room. Looking around your eyes scan the room, your teammate nowhere to be found. It’s just you, Kimi, and your team principal.

“Good Morning.” You’re voice curt and short as you feel the dry scratch at the back of your throat. Sitting beside Kimi you lean towards him whispering, “What are you doing here? Did McLaren form a complaint?”

Next to you, Kimi shrugs his shoulders equally unaware. “I was called in when I arrived earlier, I thought you were the one with the complaint.”

Brows raised, you let out a small sigh in disagreement, “I don’t think I’m in a position to complain, you on the other hand, God knows what people are saying.”

You don’t notice the frown forming on Kimi’s face, his brows furrowed in annoyance, “How are you empathizing with me right now? God knows how much worse you’re having it, and here you are worrying about me. I don’t care what they say about me, as long as they don’t involve you in it.” Kimi scoffs, watching the corners of your lips curl into a small smile.

“You must hate being involved with me that much.” Teasing him, Kimi shakes his head with his eyes rolling back.

A cough breaks your attention away from Kimi, reminding you that you’re here for a serious meeting with your team principal. Turning your head you see him with a big smile on his face.

Huh.

“Do you know why I called you here?” His voice reverberates in the room, leaving your throat dry. Your eyes widen, gulping before attempting to answer.

“No, you don’t have to answer.”

Pressing your lips, you shrink down back in your seat feeling the drops of sweat press against your team shirt. Your eyes widen, avoiding contact, you prepare yourself with the worst anticipating the next words out of his mouth.

“It’s all going well in fact that I’ve decided myself to let you continue with what you two are doing.”

An audible gasp left your lips, “But there’s nothing, we aren’t doing anything,” quickly defending yourself from your team principal’s accusations.

Bewildered, a loud cackle escapes his lips leaving you and Kimi in confusion, “That’s even better. Honestly, you don’t have to date each other, just continue what you’re doing.”

Kimi shakes his head, “Doing what exactly?”

“Listen, all you need to do is be seen in public. Think of it as a fake secret relationship. Just like you said, if there’s nothing going on with you two then there is no need to confirm it. Just to keep the sponsorships happy, and free publicity for both teams.”

You share a look with Kimi, gauging from his reaction he doesn’t seem to mind. Then again it’s not like anything is happening between you two, it’s like hitting multiple birds in one stone. You can keep being friends with Kimi, you keep your seat, and you keep the sponsors happy with the advertisement.

Clearing his throat, Kimi speaks up first, “You know if you don’t want to-”

“I don’t mind.” Giving him a small smile, you assure him of your consent, “I’d rather it be you than someone else, plus we get to hang out more often. Unless you don’t want to, then we don’t have to-”

“I’m okay if you’re okay with it.”

Clasping his hands your team principal is smiling over the moon, at least someone is happy with the situation,

“Well if you have no other questions, you’re free to leave Kimi.” Your team principal dismisses the Fin, leaving an uncomfortable taste in his mouth.

“Why? If you have something to say to Y/N you can say it to me as well. What are you going to scold her for? You should’ve been there to defend her against the comments, I won’t leave. Whatever you say to her, I will be here and listen.”

His sudden outburst caught you off guard, uncharacteristic for Kimi to go over his emotions like that. Though his outbursts are short it’s usually directed out of frustration, but this was out of nowhere. Your eyes dart back and forth Kimi and your team principal with conflicted feelings.

While you feel proud that Kimi defended you, on the other hand you grimace at the sight of your team principal, still and speechless.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to wait for Y/N outside but Fernando is coming along in a while- we’re having a team meeting for the next season.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll guide Kimi on the way out, you know in case he reads any of our world winning strategies.” Standing up swiftly, you pull Kimi’s arm, dragging him away from the office and out to the paddock.

It wasn’t until then you realized the awkward silence looming between you two. Looking up to his eyes, you stare at his blue ones, getting lost into the deep hues akin to a storm. In the silence, a mutual understanding was built.

And unbeknownst to you, it was the beginning of a deeper relationship with Kimi.

You were on your way to Maranello when the announcement of your transfer was released. Sinking in your seat you close your phone, thankful to be on a plane avoiding the constant ping and ringing of your phone.

It was a short-lived moment of relaxation, not long after the seat beside yours was occupied. Observing the person, your eyes squint at the sight of a familiar face.

"Kimi? I didn't know you were on your way to Italy as well."

Turning around, Kimi blinked slowly taking in your presence. "Was staying with me that bad that you need a different vacation?"

Scoffing at him, you shift in your seat facing his, "As much as I want more time for vacations unfortunately I'm going to Italy for work."

Kimi tilts his head, "Didn't know Renault moved to Italy. Are you going over factories?"

You still yourself, contemplating telling him the truth or getting away with a little lie. Not in the mood for conversation, you chose the latter.

"Something like that. They want me to check something personally. My manager arranged it for me so, I really don't have a say."

Kimi nods again leaving you to do your own things, something that you appreciate when you're with him. There's no need for small talk, it's always comfortable silence.

A few people you feel comfortable being with for long periods of time, it's either him or your teammate Alonso. Contrary to popular belief, there's no "feud" between the three of you– more on the two of them, you were somehow stuck in between their "rivalry" and just how the company milked the media for more coverage.

Truthfully faking a secret relationship with Kimi was one of the easiest things you had to do last year, purposefully being seen hanging out, going on "dates" and vacationing together without having to confirm anything, you were winning.

And the end of it all with you getting a seat with Ferrari. It was a whirlwind of emotions, not just for you but for your teammate Alonso who was poached to McLaren.

A secret you had to keep from Kimi while vacationing together. You did carry a smidge of guilt hiding him from his new teammate, but vacation meant time away from work and racing. And one thing you learned about Kimi is that he hates race talk at the dinner table.

You sit in silence catching the last hours of sleep. By the time you wake up, the plane has already landed. You feel the seatbelt around your waist, scouring the area you look for Kimi.

"You were asleep the whole flight, I put on your seatbelt for you." You blink your eyes, in an attempt to keep yourself awake.

"When did we land?" Your voice is croaky and dry, you squirm in your seat yawning and stretching.

A small smile can be seen from Kimi's face as he hands you bottled water. "We just landed, you want to go now or wait for a little while?"

A small pout forms your face as you unbuckle your seatbelt, grabbing the bottled water from his hands you take small sips feeling more awake by the minute.

"I want to go now, I want to change clothes before going to the factory." Grabbing you things you stand up leaving the plane with Kimi beside you.

"Is someone picking you up or do you want me to drive you to your hotel?" Kimi offers, putting his bags at the trunk of a Ferrari 599. The way his arms flex, as he pushes his weight, leaning upon the frame of the trunk.

You shake your head off your thoughts, "You don't have to, someone is picking me up. I guess I'll see you around then." Frankly, you booked a one-way ticket to Emilia-Romagna as soon as your break with Kimi was over.

Spending your vacation with Kimi was one of the best things you've done, but the longer you stayed inside the bubble that is Kimi Raikkonen, the more you realized your conflicting feelings towards him.

And that is something you're not prepared to confront yet.

Nonetheless it seems as though the universe has a way of bringing you together— it comes in the form of sitting beside each other on the plane ride, and now seeing him through the glass window in Ferrari's headquarters.

[jackiepackiee]

Not your Typical Confession

Chuuya x Reader

Gonna edit in the morning

Chuuya Nakahara was an enigma to all of those lucky enough to have met him and live to tell the tale.

Stronger than stone, a certain kind of elegance akin to nature itself. Brilliant as blossoms off the trees of spring. Loyalty bleeding throughout every vein. Onto vines of care and protection he let grow to only his closest companions.

One of which was you.

So when you see him kick back his motorcycle stand before walking towards the entrance of the port mafia, you feel intrigued.

A tug on your heart that seems to physically pull you in his direction.

Mouth moving faster than your feet.

“Wait up!”

“Hm?”

He hummed in his usual late night tired tone.

Stars barely visible from the city lights blowing the scenery up in a warm glow.

Rain just having calmed moments before, when he turned you could see the contact his boot made with a little puddle.

Dreary was the night.

And dreary were his eyes.

“Hi! Just me.”

God, was your bright tone infectious.

“I noticed that.”

Something was off. A lack of sarcasm that his words always held. Mean in textbook, but humorous in tone.

This was cold.

“…no need for attitude.”

Suddenly that stupid little puddle was really catching your eye.

“Yeah, well no need to be a nuisance. And we still stand.”

Did his voice always have such a desolate tone? Maybe with his enemies on harder missions, or when Dazai said something that seriously made him upset.

“…”

“I need a drink, so read the room and scram.”

Oh wow, maybe his tone is just this cold. And maybe he did need that drink.

“I- well… umm.”

“Spit it out. You can’t seriously ha-”

Fuck his tone, and fuck that stupid puddle.

“I’m only ever nice to you, but tonight you’re so mean!”

One drop of water falls from a leaf, then two, then…

“I’m always mean.”

“Not to me.”

Drop three.

“Well I’m not always nice. So the point you’re making is? You can’t make me happy, so give up.”

“…what happened?”

You could feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. It was faster than normal, as if you were in some high intensity fight.

“Just work. So forget about it.”

His eyes rolled back, the kind of thing a child would do when they didn’t get what they wanted.

“…no.”

“What? I said for-“

“No! You’re being a total dick to me as of late and for that I think I deserve to at least know why.”

Rarely did you stand up to your friends. Stranger or enemies, sure? But this was out of imagination for your actions.

Had the world stopped spinning? Maybe it had, because time definitely stopped for the both of you.

Air was even still. Not daring to bother your outburst.

“It’s not fair, I hate it. I hate this, I hate us! When we are “friends” one day but the next you act as if you want me gone.”

Not a single part of him reacted. On the outside, at least. Every stab wound he’d ever obtained could not have been this painful combined.

To see you break.

“Maybe I do care too much. Maybe I do overthink your every little action, but there isn’t anything else good for me to focus on.”

His voice had changed, for a quality you could notice. To something soft. One he always used after a tough mission of yours while comforting you. Soothing you with gentle words and petting your hair.

But something new was there. A sense of desperation.

“Am I all you have here?”

“…”

Never had silence felt so haunting. Slowly carving the scene into a sculpture of perfect stillness.

“I have these beautiful thoughts, and a world that fascinates me. Societies I can look in on and be a part of. Ideas that I may only ever understand in the moment, and actions that I make knowing I’ll regret them even after I die. But people? You’re the only human I can actually trust.”

…

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Fuck, I didn’t mean to swear, wait. Shit- wait! Damnit…”

His hat tipped low so you couldn’t see his eyes.

“…huh?”

“I hate to swear around you.”

His arms crossed over his black suit. Red shirt still visible from underneath his arms and jacket.

“That’s not my confusion.”

“I know. Just… I can’t bring myself to stomach the idea that I’ve been neglecting you.”

He spoke with a hesitation on the words of confession.

“Neglect is a bit much.”

“Not when you’re the only thought I like to have on my mind.”

Brown/blue eyes flickered up to you. He fiddled with the cuffs on his suit sleeves.

“I think too much, but for so many thoughts you’re the only positive one. And I’m sorry for neglecting you.”

“Chuuya…”

“I don’t have anyone else either.”

He was vulnerable. Never had he ever willingly showed that side of himself to a single person he’d ever known. He’d cried, he’d screamed, but never once had he put down his strength and displayed his feelings in such a way.

Ready for whatever punishment you could cause. Taking those now exposed feelings and plucking each heart string until they all wore down. Snapping at a delicate touch.

And this was his reality. That he hated caring for you.

And yet he’d die before he’d stop caring.

Only now was he aware of all this.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why now? Why now have you been getting further away from me?”

“Because I can’t admit to myself that I need you.”

There it was, the hideous truth. A truth that he only just now came to terms with.

“I need you, because I love you. Well, at least I think I do? You make the world so bright. Every morning is worth while, and work is worth the fight. I have to stay healthy so I can protect you. See that smile every day. And when- when you call me human. It’s all there. All I need, you.”

If Chuuya wasn’t human, then what could explain this intense urge to pull you close and tell you all that’s good within you? What he loved.

So he did just that. Pulled you into a close hug, down into his red work shirt that smells of cologne.

“I love you too, Chuu. More than I ever realized.”

Maybe this wasn’t the perfect confession, but perfect isn’t irrelevant when you’re in his arms.

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

The Weeklong Date (pt. 1)

main masterlist

spencer reid x famous!reader Universe

word count: 1.5 k

warnings: suggestive (no smut)

Y/N had been staying with Spencer for 2 days now. The first day was slightly awkward, although Spencer and Y/N had met before, even kissed. This felt different, she flew out to see him. It felt more intimate.

Once the two got past their initial discomfort with each other, it was pure bliss. Sleeping in the same bed together, kissing each other good night. They hadn’t had sex yet, and usually that would cause Y/N to overthink, that maybe he didn’t like her, or wasn’t sexually attracted to her. But with Spencer it felt like all her normal worries, were just silly, nothing that surface level mattered. Just that he cared for her. And he did.

Y/N listening to Spencer talk about what book he read in the last 20 mins, while Y/N made them dinner. They couldn't exactly go out together with the possibility of Y/N being spotted, so they had been staying in the last couple days.

Today, the third day of Y/N being there, Y/N had forced Spencer into a movie marathon day. Spencer had to back to work tomorrow, still not being on cases, just a couple paperwork days.

They had already watch '10 things I hate about you' and 'When Harry met Sally' now onto 'You've got mail' one Spencer had a few problems with.

"But they've both been cheating on their partners! How am I supposed to root for them?" Y/N turns her head from laying on Spencer's chest to be able to face him when she says, "Spence, it's a romcom! You're supposed to throw out all logic!"

“What good is a piece of media, if I’m not allowed to apply critical thinking?” Seeing Spencer so worked up from one of her favourite romcoms, whether he likes it or not, makes Y/N’s chest fill with warmth. Y/N staring up at Spence, not saying anything, just smiling, and listening to him rant. Because Spencer showing this much emotion about it, no matter if it’s about how much he doesn’t understand or like it. It’s that he cares enough to watch it and have a strong opinion on it. No guy she’s ever been with had cared about the movies she liked like that.

“Spence. Can I kiss you?”

This causes Spencer to stop mid-sentence, turning away from the credits shown on the TV to look at Y/N. “Baby, you don’t have to ask.”

His words cause Y/N to smile, they hadn’t called each other pet names before, but that all leaves her mind when she feels Spencer smash his lips into hers. Y/N reacts instantly, her tongue licking at his bottom lip, begging for access. Spencer’s lips opening, allowing Y/N’s tongue to explore his mouth.

Spencer’s hands moving from their spot by his sides one to Y/N’s hip, the other pulling at one of her thighs to help her swing it over his legs, her hips now straddling his own. The kiss heating up, Y/N breaks their lips apart leaving them hovering over his, her lips brushing against his as she says,

“Can we move to your bedroom?” “Yes.”

Spencer rises from the couch, Y/N legs clinging around his waist, hands taking their place around his neck. Her lips finding the spot on his jaw, she had found the first time they had kissed in the pool.

As Spencer starts walking down the hall, towards his bedroom, Y/N starts untucking Spencer’s shirt from his pants pulling it over his head. When he shirt is removed she moves her lips to his collarbone and leaves kisses down his chest.

All the while, Spencer gets to his door and opens it, only after a slight bit of struggle to find the door knob. He then walks them both to his bed, letting Y/N fall onto the bed Spencer hovering over her, sliding his knee between her spread legs. Spencer reaches to the bottom of Y/N’s shirt pausing before tearing it over her head, asking, “May I?” “God, yes Spence.”

Lifting Y/N’s shirt over her head, showing her lace bra. One she wore just for him. He begins leaving kisses down her neck to her breasts kissing her clothed sensitive nipples, causing Y/N’s breath to hitch, letting a moan leave her throat when Spencer sucks at her skin below the underwire of her bra.

“Spence, please..” Y/N says, her chest heaving, just from what little Spencer had done thus far. She can’t imagine how she’ll act when he actually does something, but God she’s begging to find out.

“What do you want, baby?” Spencer says, looking up at her with an innocent look. Yet not stopping his kisses along her ribcage.

“You.”

-

A few rounds later the two lay, tangled in Spencer’s sheets, cuddling, Y/N’s head laying on Spencer’s naked chest, her left leg swung over Spencer’s thighs, his right hand laying on her thigh and his left arm cradling Y/N’s head.

“Tell me something about you.” Y/N says not looking up at Spencer, only gently tracing shapes on Spencer’s chest.

“What do you mean?” Spencer leans down to look at Y/N’s face, her leaning down to look at him.

“I feel like… I don’t know, I want to know everything about you.”

“Okay, where do you want me to start?”

“I guess, do you have any other hobbies? Other than reading every piece of Russian Literature?”

“I haven’t read every piece of Russian Literature-”

“Close to.”

“-but I also can do some close up magic-”

This causes Y/N to stop tracing shapes across Spencer’s naked chest, sitting up, the sheet around her body slipping down slightly, distracting Spencer momentarily until Y/N speaks again.

“What?! You can do magic? Oh my god, show me!”

Spencer sighs, leaning over Y/N to his bedside table to grab a pen and his journal, ripping out a piece of paper, then coming back to leaning his head on his pillow.

“Okay, here, I have this pen. Inspect it, no tricks?” Spencer hands the pen to Y/N. She inspects it more closely than Spencer thought she would, Y/N pulling off the cap, testing the ink on her skin, after deciding there was nothing out of the ordinary with the pen she hands it back to Spencer. He chuckles, taking the pen back from her hand.

“Okay, now I’m-”

“Wait! I didn’t inspect the paper.”

“I didn’t think you would need to.”

“Of course I need to.”

Y/N grabs the piece of paper from Spencer, quicking checking over the paper before handing it back to Spencer.

“Okay now, with just a bit of sleight of hand, I can slip the pen right through..” While talking the pen in Spencer’s hand goes right through the paper in his other.

“Oh my god! How did you do that?” Looking at Spencer in shock, turning from looking at him to the paper, then back to him.

“A magician never reveals his secrets.” Spencers says leaning over to his side table putting the pen and paper in his drawer, turning back to Y/N, shock still still written across her face. “Why don’t we wash up in the bath together?” Spencer says, smiling widely, while wrapping his hands around Y/N’s waist.

“Ooh, yes please.”

-

The two were in the bath together. Spencer sitting behind Y/N, bubbles floating around them, the bottom of their wine glasses dipping into the water. Talking, not talking, just comfortable being with each other.

"Are you leaving tomorrow?” Spencer asks hesitantly, the question had been plaguing his mind all day, knowing he has to go back to work tomorrow.

"Do you want me to?” Y/N wasn’t planning on leaving tomorrow, she had packed her bag for a week long with Spencer.

"N-no, no I don’t want you to leave, just… I have work tomorrow, and I just assumed you wouldn’t want to sit around my apartment..” Y/N hadn’t even thought of what she would do while Spencer was at work, but thought of sitting in Spencer’s apartment cleaning, and cooking.. It felt domestic. And she loved it.

"I don’t know.. I could clean, and I could cook lunch and you could come back here during your break. I can keep myself busy. I could read one of your millions of books.”

“I don’t have millions of books, I have closer to a hundred.”

“Oh, sorry. I could read one of your hundred books.”

“Okay, and I’ll come back here for lunch.”

Y/N turns her head to face Spencer, smiling, and leaving a kiss on his cheek, turning back to face the end of the tub. Spencer sets his wine glass on the edge of the tub to wrap his arms tightly around Y/N’s waist, leaving kisses along her back and up to the back of her neck. His slight stubble tickled her skin, causing Y/N to laugh and spill her wine in the bath. Spencer chuckling, continuing to kiss across Y/N’s skin

“Stop! Spence- that tickles!” Y/N laughs out, raising her shoulders to her ears, in a way to stop Spencer. Even though she didn’t really want him to stop, if it was a choice she would choose for him to never stop.

[exquisitesimp]

Comforting Akutagawa during a mental breakdown

A/N: Hello to everyone reading this! I’m back at it again with Bungo Stray Dogs, more particularly the Port Mafia. In this story, the reader (F) is giving comfort and affection to her emotionally damaged boyfriend Akutagawa, after an unfortunate encounter with his old mentor figure (aku was my first love in bsd). Thank you so much for reading and interacting with my posts, it means so much to me! Stay healthy, eat well and drink plenty of water! - Sam

Tags: Bungo Stray Dogs, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, angst, reverse comfort, SFW

Warnings: mental breakdown, emotional and physical abuse, NSSI

Word Count: approx. 4.8k

It was one of these nights again; these difficult, heart-wrenching nights that constantly made you question the meaning of such a life, a life filled with pain and suffering. You’ve become a little too familiar with this feeling since you’ve experienced, well… a little too many nights like these. 

“Remember what you’re doing all this for!” you exclaimed. 

Except there was nobody there to listen, save for the librarian that was sick of having you be the last one to leave the library in the dark hours of the early morning for the fifth time this week. Talking to the void, maybe all that studying did drive you insane after all. 

“You scared the life out of me, for the love of god!”, the lady gasped, jumping awake from the information desk. Poor her, she probably hated these nights even more than you did.

“I’m terribly sorry”, you said, chuckling in awful embarrassment.

She gave you a cold stare, which truthfully saddened you deep down, because you were under the false impression that you had bonded with the woman by now.

“Don’t look at me like that ma’am”, you said, “You know med school isn’t a piece of cake…”

“I know dear”, she responded with a certain sweetness in her voice and a tired sigh, “but isn’t it time to go home soon?”

You looked at the clock above the information desk. It read 2:45. A look of desperation channeled itself on your face as you were thinking about just how much more work you had ahead of you before you could allow yourself to go home and finally get some shuteye. 

“Just one more unit, I promise!” you lied, knowing damn well that it was much, much more than that.

“Pfftt….Like we haven’t heard that before…” the librarian mumbled as she began moving around all sorts of books and paper sheets around the information desk.

Of all the times during the day she could get that taken care of, she had to do it right now? The noise she made was getting on your nerves and messed with your focus. However, you knew she was going to kick you out for sure if you dared complain about it. So you just decided to let it go, for your own good perhaps…

Resting your head which had grown quite heavy and dizzy on top of the open books, you sighed in exhaustion, waiting for the woman to stop messing with the papers and your concentration along with them. Wondering how the hell you were supposed to pass all these exams the following week, you were just sitting there, beating yourself up for always leaving things for the last possible moment. But not even a minute later, your phone, which was laying on the table, suddenly buzzed and stopped your overthinking. 

It was a voice message from your boyfriend, a little smile subtly forming on your face upon seeing the notification. You’ve been together for almost a year, but the habit of smiling at his texts hasn't faded away whatsoever.

“Ma’am, can I pleeaase use my phone?”, you joked, since there was obviously nobody there to be disturbed by mobile phone usage… except for the poor lady of course. “It’s my sweetheart!”

A few moments of deadly silence followed. From the look on her face, you’d think she was finally done with your smart-ass idiocy. 

“Eh, to hell with it…” she responded, having accepted — to your grand surprise — that she’d have you here for quite a while once again.

“God bless your patience! I shall treat you to a huge meal once these detestable exams are over!”, you proclaimed in comedic exaggeration, yet genuinely wanting to express your gratitude to her in some sort of way. With your late-night hypertension and your endearingly annoying sense of humor, you could imagine that having you study here all these days must have been quite a handful. 

“Who said I wanted to have a meal with you?”, she shrugged and rolled her eyes. 

Purposefully ignoring her rhetorical question with a smile on your face, you opened the message and placed your phone next to your head with the speaker facing your ear, the woman sighing at your shenanigan in the background. 

“Hey, Y/N…” 

You didn’t expect to hear Gin’s voice. 

“Listen… I found my brother’s phone in a dark alley on the ground, and it’s all cracked up now, and I’m not quite sure what happened... He was still supposed to be here, but I assume there was some big trouble and he had to flee. Problem is— TACHIHARA CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE F— sorry about that… problem is I contacted our headquarters and he’s not there” 

Your eyes opened wide as the message kept on playing. Two opposing forces fighting in your brain; one worrying that something terrible has happened to him, the other trying to remain cool-headed since you didn’t know any crucial details about the situation.

“My guess would be that he’s at your place. I know you have a lot of work to do in the library, but please check if everything’s okay with him. Gotta go, the Armed Detective Agency is just around the corner”

You heard the words “Armed Detective Agency” and you instantly knew what this was about. 

“Oh fuck” you said out loud and stood up from your desk as if struck by some invisible thunder.

“What is it this time?”, the librarian desperately asked.

“It’s your lucky day”, you replied, packing up your bag in quick, messy movements, “I’ve got to go right now”

“Good grace”, she mumbled as she started switching off the lights to finally close the place down for the night.

“Thanks for everything!”, you shouted hurriedly, storming out of the university library and rushing to the parking lot.

You jumped in your car and immediately started the engine. You already knew by now that no encounter with the Agency could possibly be any good for Akutagawa. And this time, you had a strong feeling that something was very, very wrong.

In less than half the time it would usually take, you sloppily drove back to your apartment, very lucky that you hadn’t crushed the car onto anything on the way there. Running with light steps and pushing through your own fatigue, you finally reached the door and knocked on it.

“Sweetie?”, you called out softly. 

There was complete silence on the other side, a type of silence that grew an unshakeable fear within you. After taking a deep breath, you reached for the keys in the pocket of your jacket and slowly opened the door.

You took a good look at the living room before entering, and everything was exactly the way you left it, including the little lamp you always kept switched on even when nobody was home. From where you were standing, nothing seemed wrong with the kitchen either. At first glance it all looked perfectly normal, but there was something very intuitively suspicious about this quietness that consumed the entire place. 

Due to your intensive studying at the library the past few days, you ended up coming home at times like these almost every day, and you found the emptiness to be serene, and even comforting in its own way. But now it was frantically maddening, as if you’d be crazy to assume someone else was here, but equally as insane to think that you were totally alone.

You gulped as you took a few steps in and closed the door behind you, cold shivers running down your body. Only while taking off your own shoes did you look down to check if his were there, and much to your relief, they were just beside the door. You immediately felt a weight fall off your shoulders, knowing now that nobody had broken in or that you weren’t… imagining things.

You quietly made your way right in front of the shut door of your bedroom, and since you already passed by the empty bathroom, you knew that was the only place where he could possibly be. Just by standing there you felt a dark chilly aura strike you down to the bone. 

Knowing about his occupation and even his abusive past, you were already aware that Akutagawa was very much capable of becoming violent. But this wasn’t the first time he went through a crisis like this with you, so you had faith that if you stood there for him once again, it would all work out, just like the previous times.

You plucked up all the courage you had inside you and knocked on the door. 

“Sweetie?”, you repeated. “Are you alright?”  

Once again, no answer. At this point you started getting worried. That was the only place he could be, right? Then why was he not responding?

Making the tiniest amount of sound possible, you pushed the door open ever so slightly to peek through the crack, and that’s when you saw something you’ve never witnessed before.

Although the light switch was on, the room was pitch black with only a few strands of light somehow making their way through. Sinister branches of darkness were spread all over, some intertwined with one another in an infernal veil, and others ruthlessly piercing the entirety of the space like enormous, sharp blades. 

You were completely astounded. You had no idea that Rashoumon could take on such a petrifying form.

Before you could even begin to grasp the density and the complexity of what your eyes just viewed, the door was somehow explosively shut inches away from your face, causing you to gasp at the thunderous noise.

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DOOR?”, Akutagawa yelled, his strung out voice echoing within his ability’s construction. 

“I’m sorry sweetie”, you responded peacefully, “I just wanted to check if you’re okay…”

“What does this look like to you?” he asked sarcastically, while Rashoumon locked the door from the inside, eliminating any possibility that he’d just let you in that easily.

“What I meant is, are you physically okay? Did you get hurt?”, you asked, trying to maintain your calm composure.

“I’m intact”, he answered as if even such a small question was so immensely bothersome to him at that moment, “now LEAVE. ME. ALONE!”

“How am I supposed to leave you alone in a state like this?”

He didn’t respond, but it’s not like you expected him to. Hurt and afraid, he always hid inside his hard shell at times like this, and it took a lot of strength and effort to get him to open up to you. You took a big breath, because the difficult part was just starting. 

“Your sister found your phone somewhere in the city and contacted me…”, you began.

“I don’t wanna talk about this…” he growled as rage kept building up within him.

“I know it’s difficult to talk right no—“

“THEN CUT IT OUT”, he screamed with a trembling voice and paused for a second, “before I break the door…”

“You don’t have to talk about it right now, but please just listen”.

You paused for a while to see what his reaction would be. Although he was once again mute, you were quite happy that you didn’t get smashed by the door; it meant he was waiting for you to speak.

“I know you’re not feeling well right now, and I just want to let you know that it’s totally okay to feel this way, even though I don’t know what exactly happened… I just wanted to tell you…”.

Another silence-filled pause ensured you that he was still listening.

“You did the right thing to come here, sweetie… The fact that you’re here right now means that even if you want me to leave you alone this instant, some part of you wants to find comfort here… And that’s exactly what I want to do for you right now. I just want to make it better, I promise. Please, Aku…Let me help you…” 

No response.

“I’ll be waiting right behind the door for as long as you need. Please don’t break me along with it, or better yet, let me in whenever you feel like…”

It wasn’t much later that you heard the door finally unlock behind you, so you stood up, carefully opened it, and saw that your previously unimaginably ominous room was now just the way you remembered it.

Akutagawa was sitting on the floor in the corner across the room, curled up so he could take up as little space as possible. He had wrapped his arms around his knees and held them closely against his chest. His cloak was thrown over his shoulders, covering most of his upper body and his head was buried on his forearms.

You quietly approached him and sat next to him to keep him at ease. All these months in a relationship with him taught you that at times like these, he felt threatened by people sitting right opposite him, and didn't respond to them so well. He also deeply despised being looked at when he’s in such a vulnerable state, so you respected his wishes and looked at the floor, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

“Take your time, sweetie. I’m here to listen”, you said after a minute or two. 

He took a big breath before lifting his head up, while you made sure to make him feel as comfortable as you could, based on his own individual terms.

“The Command Unit was sent to the center of Yokohama to investigate some strange movements in the black market… and there, I ran into that stupid weretiger...”

“Mhm hm”, you nodded as you kept listening carefully.

“We started a fight and I had cornered him in this alley… that was all until he showed up…”

“Dazai?”, you asked, just to make sure your assumptions were correct.

“Yes…” , he answered as his voice got weaker. “He nullified my ability and told the weretiger to leave, so it was just the two of us…”

You noticed it was getting harder and harder for him to speak as the conversation shifted towards Dazai. It was no surprise since he’d talked to you about him before but it was, nonetheless, upsetting to hear.

“No…”, you said, “and what did he do?”

“Well, he…”, Akutagawa said and then paused as if to collect himself, “he kicked me right below the chest and I was on the ground coughing…”

He took a breath, before proceeding to give you the rest of the story.

“And he said some things… something about the weretiger being better than me… but I’ve heard that before…”

“Aw sweetie—“

“He knows…”, he said, burying his head on his knees once again. “He found out about my disease somehow…”

When you heard him quietly weep, you moved a little closer to him, just enough so that he didn’t feel alone in this difficult, doleful moment. Before you could even begin to ask how Dazai managed to find that out, Akutagawa jumped into your arms and buried his head on your shoulder, letting his black cloak fall off his frail body.

As he did that, you didn’t fail to notice that his white shirt had bloody stains on each sleeve, a little bit above the length of the elbow. Both sides had five holes each, one for each of his own fingers that had been digging into his skin, scratching and ripping it apart.

You were so upset, but you realized that it would be no good to address it right now. So instead, you wrapped him up in the warm embrace that he desperately needed at the time.

“That lung disease you have is going to kill you soon… Maybe then, I’ll consider coming back to the Port Mafia… Such a shame that… even when you leave your last pathetic breath… there won’t have been a single moment… when you were better than my new apprentice…” 

“That’s what he said to me…”, he uttered, sobbing in between these nasty, horrible phrases. 

Your eyes started watering as you squeezed him tighter against you. It was beyond you how anybody could be so viciously cruel to someone so loyal and devoted, even if fate brought it so that they parted ways.

“That’s so hurtful…”, you whispered as tears were running down your cheeks. “It’s okay… Let it all out, I’m right here…”

“Why? Just why?!”, he cried in anguish, “How much more must I do? When will all this be over? When will I ever be enough?!”

You didn’t know how to respond to such questions at times like these, so you just let him lash out until he hopefully calmed down eventually. 

“What am I saying? That’s never gonna happen…”, he lamented as his body started shivering, “I’m so sorry, Y/N… I’m a worthless and pathetic fool…”

“That’s not true…please stop saying things like that…”, you pleaded.

“I’m just gonna die so pointlessly… And it won’t even matter to him…”

“Well it’s gonna matter to me!”, you raised the tone of your voice, verklempt and teary-eyed.

His chest kept pumping against yours as he was struggling for breath. 

“I’m so sorry my love…”, you apologized, fearing that all you just did was worsen his situation by letting your own emotions take over. He tried to say something, but in this state, coherent words couldn’t come out of his mouth.

You had to stay strong and help him during this difficult time. Right now, the situation wasn't about you.

“Listen to me, let’s take some deep breaths okay? Breathe in till four, hold till four, and breathe out till six. Can you do that for me?”

You felt him nodding yes, lifting his head up and letting his chin rest on your shoulder. 

“Perfect, I’ll count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…”

Akutagawa tried to follow your count as much as he could. You had to do this exercise about fifteen times before his breathing took its normal pace back. Your hand was always gently caressing the back of his head, and with every round you completed, you made sure that he knew he was doing a good job. 

“I’m so proud of you”, you murmured and kissed his temple, “are you feeling any better now?”.

He nodded yes and sniffed his nose.

“Can I look at you?”, you asked.

He sighed, then nodded yes once again. Once he let go, you gently cupped his face and lifted his head up so you could look at him. His poor, restless eyes were ever so red and puffy from all the tears he’d been shedding.

“My sweet Aku…”, you whispered, “if only there was something I could do to take your suffering away… I can only imagine how terrible it feels to be treated so horribly by someone you look up to so much, to always feel like you’re the second option…”

You paused to take a big breath and collect yourself. 

“And I know it’s not the same to hear it from me… but you’re always going to be my first choice… always…” 

A sad, bitter smile morphed into your boyfriend’s face upon hearing these words, as if they were half-empty, not coming from a certain someone he’d want to hear them from instead.

“I’ll always be here for you… You’re my everything, my love… I love you more than anyone and anything in this world… And seeing you suffer like this… it crushes me…”

Akutagawa sat there in silence, guiltful and grey, shifting his gaze to the cold, hard floor. 

“Especially this…” you said with a cracking voice, and looked at the red stains on his sleeves, “this just… it breaks my heart…”

His withering eyes were filling up with tears again. 

“Promise me you won’t do it again…please…”, you begged.

“I promise…I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry sweetie, none of this makes you weak in my eyes…. You’re so strong… so much more than you think…”

You looked at him sweetly before pulling him closer to give him a soft kiss on the mouth, his lips passive, almost motionless against yours.

“Now go have a warm shower, you need to relax”, you said, getting up from the floor and offering him a helping hand to stand up as well. “Make sure that a lot of water runs over your wounds. I’ll take care of them once you’re done, okay?”

“Okay”, he answered, giving you his hand, letting you pull him up and still hold him all the way to the bathroom. 

“Thank you so much, Y/N… really…” 

“Don’t mention it”, you responded lovingly.

As he shut the door behind him, you immediately got this morbid feeling, this insurmountable urge to break down and cry. 

You loved him with all your heart, but in comparison to even the tiniest praise from Dazai, your love for Akutagawa didn’t matter nearly as much to him. And that thought pained you so much, it cut deeper than a knife… In a way, you could even say you understood him, knowing that your one and only was gonna leave you soon, and that you’ll always come second, till the last moment… till his last moment, his very last breath…

It was all so devastating… But as you pushed the tears back, you remembered the promise that you made to yourself when you first got into a relationship with him; no matter how hard things got, you were gonna love this person as much as you could, for as long as you could… Until the very end, you had to be his pillar of strength and continue cherishing him no matter how much it hurt you in the process. 

And you loved him so much, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Hey Gin”, you spoke to your phone as you recorded a voice message for her, “I found him, he was at my place. He’s okay, he has a few surface wounds on his arms, most probably nothing to worry about. You can let your boss and the others know that he’s safe and that he’ll stay here for the next couple of hours… And, by the way, thank you for contacting me as soon as you found his phone….Things might’ve been worse, had it not been for you… Call me if you need anything”

As you hit “send”, Akutagawa walked out of the bathroom, wearing an oversized white t-shirt and plaid black and white pajama bottoms, with the towel he used to dry his hair thrown around his neck.

“Feeling more comfortable now?” you asked. 

“Yeah”, he responded.

“Good. Now come here, let me see your arms…”

He made his way next to you, letting you investigate his wounds.

“Hmm…”, you said, lost in thought, “they’re not as deep, so you’re not gonna need any stitches… but they do look a bit inflamed… we definitely need to disinfect these”

You took him by the hand back in the bathroom again, where you kept your medical kit. You grabbed the disinfectant bottle and lathered some liquid over a big piece of sterile cotton. 

“I gotta warn you sweetie, this might burn a little…”

“Yeah, like I haven’t had worse– OWW!!”, he exclaimed as you pressed it against his wounds.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t used your own hands. You were out fighting, who knows how many germs they had…”

“It burns…”, he hissed, clenching his jaw.

“Warned you…”, you responded. “You’ve never used disinfectant before?”

“Do you really think people in the mafia care to use this sh– AUGHH!”, he snarled once again as you repeated the same treatment to his other arm. 

“We’re almost done now…” you reassured him as he gave you the most displeased, irritated stare.

“Hmm let’s see…” you mumbled to yourself while searching the contents of your kit, “I don’t have big enough band-aids for this… guess we’ll have to cover them with something else…”

You opened up two bandages, and with a little hesitation, Akutagawa let you wrap them around his arms tightly.

“All patched up!” you said, giving his boney shoulders a light squeeze, “Is there anything I can make for you? Anything to eat? Some tea maybe?”

“No, I think I’m gonna throw up if I do…”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want that… Okay then, I think we should go to bed and get some rest, no?”

“Yeah…”

After you changed into your pajamas and brushed your teeth, you made your way into the fluffy futon and scooched over for Akutagawa to join you shortly after. While he is generally the quiet type, this time you could tell that he was way too tired even for the short-lived, yet endearing small talk before bed. 

“My eyes hurt…” Akutagawa murmured as he slid next to you.

“I know, sweetie…Come here…”, you said, lifting up the cover and inviting him close to you.

Your boyfriend found his way into your arms again, his tired head buried in your chest and his thinned body clinging onto yours, the entirety of his being searching for warmth within your embrace. The comforting motions of your hands caressing his back and the sound of your heartbeat was everything he could ask for at the time.

“Feels like you’ve lost more weight…”, you pointed out as you grazed your fingers over the prominent parts of his skeleton, “Have you been eating well lately?”

“Mm-mm”, he shook his head no after a short pause, as if to adjust his thinking to your own standards of self-preservation. To him, if he made it out alive at the end, what was there to care for?

“Well that’s no good…I’m making you fluffy pancakes and your favorite tea in the morning”, you said knowing that, being starved of affection almost his entire life, he found these simple acts of kindness to be a huge deal. His contentment was clear as day, flowing through you as he pulled himself closer, practically sealing shut whatever space there was between the two of you.

“Thank you…”, he purred against your chest, the mere sweetness of his adorable reaction leading you to plant gentle kisses on the top of his head.

“Anything for you sweetie… I just want you to take care of yourself. Undereating can’t do any good to your condition… And I want to keep you around as much as possible, make as many happy memories together as we can…Like that time when you took me to dinner with the mafia for the first time and Higuchi kept warning me not to hurt your feelings or ‘I’ll be dead’...”

“Tsk, that piss-off…” he mumbled in a mix of displeasure and nostalgia, getting annoyed just by remembering the event, but being strangely happy that he got to experience it with you. 

“It made me very happy that you apologized to her…”

“After you told me I was acting just like him, I had no choice…”

“And I’m so proud of you for that, sweetie…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair

“I still remember when we had Gin and Chuuya over for my birthday and we played that drinking game he had suggested. I’m pretty sure at some point he stopped caring about the rules and started losing on purpose…Ah, what an iconic day…Oh, and that day when I first told you that I loved you…Hahah, you were so awkward whenever I told you that on the phone. It took you a couple of weeks before you were brave enough to say it back to me... But it’s okay, I’m not blaming you, it’s most wise to wait for the time when you are a hundred percent sure that you feel the same way for me… Hey, what about the day of our first date–”

You’d been talking for quite a while now, vocally walking down memory lane, too absent-minded to notice that Akutagawa was fast asleep by then. Your melancholic monologue got softly interrupted by his faint, quiet snores. 

“Aww of course. I almost forgot how easily you fall asleep whenever I start rambling like this…”

You slid your hands under his shirt and felt the soft skin on his back. His hold on you was more relaxed, but far from apathetic, as if what remained of his slowly melting tension was love, and only love. 

You smiled, feeling infinitely blessed that your boyfriend was there with you, that you were listening to his slow breathing as he was drifting somewhere far away. Your eyelids had been feeling heavy for a while, but before you joined him, you wanted to get some things off your chest; somethings you truly wanted Akutagawa to know, even though you knew that he wouldn’t hear much of it in his sleep.

“Aku, my sweetheart… You are worth so much more than you think. You are enough— no, you’re even more than that… And I wish I had the means to show you just how much you mean to me… Oh, if only I could make you feel even half of my love…”

A/N: Akutagawa cried again in the middle of the night, but didn’t want to bother Y/N with his feelings any further. He removed the bandages because anything that reminded him of Dazai, he couldn’t have on his body. After Y/N found out, she apologised for her ignorance and made him the most delicious fluffy pancakes.

[simpinberry]

Hii xx

could you do bella ramsey hcs where reader is jealous of bella because shes with other girls but then they end up together in the end 🫶

heyyyy, i’m backk. i tried to make this as healthy as possible while also adding a bit of spice to it. i hope i interpreted this correctly <3 should i also write jealous!bella hcs? hehe lmkk

established relationship, jealous!reader, kisses and cuddling

bella is fine as hell (we all agree, can i get an amen) so naturally lots of people want them. bella is very much in the public eye and has got promotional duties as an actor. she has to go to lots of events like fashion shows, premiers, award shows and interviews. they’re gonna meet lots of ppl and you’re usually extremely proud and happy for them! u pride yourself on not being the jealous type.

usually bella doesn’t text when she’s working/at events, mostly because she gets too overwhelmed and would rather be focused and present where they are. so you decided to go on twitter and check up on how it was going. unfortunately smth about a video of bella with a bunch of girls at a fashion show didn’t sit right with you. they were surrounding her and getting too close. bella didn’t do anything wrong and was being super polite as usual but the girls were all extremely pretty. they were all so elegant and looked so incredibly cool. it was both dumb and understandable at the same time. you trusted bella for gods sake. you shrugged the thought away and tried to go on about your day.

you ended up calling your best friend to rant about the whole situation because you couldn’t get it out of your head, “listen it’s not like i wanna go to these events and it’s fine that she talks to other girls i just ugh, i’m so jealous and i hate it”. your best friend told you exactly what you expected her to, “bitch just talk to them istg, you’re overthinking it too much”. ofc you spent another 30 mins ranting about it but you knew you were gonna do the healthy thing at the end of the day.

“honeeeyy i’m homeee” you hear bellas mocking american accent before you even see her. she finds you curled up on the couch binge watching willow. with a quick kiss to your forehead she heads upstairs to take a shower after such a long day. god, u have to talk to them about this.

by the time bella gets out of the shower you’re already settled into bed, comfy as hell tbh. crawling her way into bed, they lay next to you, facing you. “babe, you awake?” “MHMMM” you had to make your move now. “how was the fashion show today?” bella being the cutie she is, tells you everything. talks about her favorite looks, a fit she took a picture of because they thought it would look good on you and how she ran into her past costars. as much as you love hearing about her day you’re overthinking and trying to find the perfect moment to talk to her abt ur jealously and all the girls and how pretty they are and how you’re scared and worried and god so so jealous and how you feel- “can i confess smth?” bellas face drops and she’s full of concern. “DID U EAT MY LAST MUFFIN CUZ ISTG” oh, that’s what they’re worried about. “no, not this time….. i’m, i mean i was, kinda super jealous today. cuz like you were with all these pretty girls at the show and they were surrounding you and god- ik how fine you are and how lucky i am but i just felt,,,, like rlly jealous”

iwl bella was a bit shocked by your sudden outburst. you’re rarely ever jealous so this was a first, maybe a second. “mhmm i understand, i didn’t think you were the jealous type but i get it” she takes your face into her hands, you snuggle into her touch. “i know it’s hard dating someone in the public eye, i’ve actually embarrassingly asked pedro for advice on this before. thank you for telling me though, my love. a little bit of jealousy is normal. in myyyy expert opinion it means you need some reassurance and lottts, lottts and lottssss of kisses”

this idiot. they always know how to turn smth like this into a good thing. “yeah sure i mean those girls were nice and everything but at the end of the day i only want you and i’m just as lucky to have you darling” they bring you into a sudden kiss. melting into the kiss, you tangle your legs together to be as close as possible. It was a tense, reassuring and urgent. she poured a lot into that kiss and you gladly accepted it all.

i’d like to think she’d make an extra little effort in the future to make you feel more secure. whether that’s with physical affection, words, time or gifts. bella is yours and they wanna make sure you always remember that.

[unlocktxt]

Labyrinth | Kang Taehyun

Kang Taehyun

genre: fluff, kinda angsty

note: i wrote this for everyone who tends to overthink and believes they’re hard to love. it’s alright. the right people are out there, don’t push away the good ones (and yes i wrote this with labyrinth on repeat). this might be the first time i wrote something this way, but still hope it’s enjoyable.

BREATHE

come on

just breathe

breathe in, breathe through

breathe deep, breathe out

how many times have you had to tell yourself this? when reassuring yourself doesn’t work… breathing. all the thoughts in your head telling you to flee. your body seemingly pumping through adrenaline in a panicked state, but you only wanted things to slow down. now things are moving at an alarming rate.

what if he doesn’t feel the same way?

how could you be so stupid?

he clearly isn’t interested… conversations are dying. why can’t the two of you hold a conversation? panic.

it’s fine. it’s not too late to stop liking him. it’s no big deal… but damn you really do like him. no. it never ends well for you.

just text him.

then you’ll come off as pushy. what if you’re just overthinking?

come on… breathe.

you hate it. you don’t just like him.

“i think i’m gonna hurl.” don’t.

breathe. it’s okay, just admit it.

“i think i love him.”

what if he doesn’t feel the same way? text him.

“okay we got this.” this is scary.

just hit send.

-

the knock coming from the door sends your heart to your throat. you feel like you could choke, instead you clear your throat one… three times as you head to the door.

a deep breath and then the door is open and you’re face to face with your boyfriend. he looks scared. his eyes are wide with fear.

oh god.

“you said you wanted to talk?” he looks serious.

“yeah…” you swallow, “you can sit, it’s nothing bad…” hopefully.

his shoulders drop slowly as if the tension there had relieved itself. maybe he’s telling himself everything’s fine. hopefully it is.

you follow after him and sit on the couch.

“i don’t mean to jump right into it, but first i wanted you to know that it’s okay if you lose interest. i don’t mind really. if that’s ever the case i would just like to know. you don’t have to text me if you don’t want to. don’t feel like you have to spare my feelings or anything cause it’s fine. even if you changed your mind i could never blame you for it.” you watch as his eyes scan you with something… pity?

“y/n-” he starts, but you can’t hear what he’s about to say. you just want to get this over with.

“i… i love you taehyun.” holy shit. you take a deep breath, “and i don’t expect you to feel the same. it’s fine i told you. if you don’t see us going anywhere or you don’t feel the same way-”

“y/n, i love you.” he grabs your hands and you have to try not to cry as your eyes widen.

he loves you. your heart starts pumping fast again, but this is a different feeling. a smile adorns your face and you feel as if your whole body is on fire.

“if i have to remind you everyday i will. i love you.” he squeezes your hand, “i love you and i never want you to feel any other way.”

he sees you. it’s as if he had looked deep into your soul and wasn’t afraid to touch it.

“thank god.” you laugh, finally feeling relief. “i was beginning to think that i was crazy.”

“well… i never said you weren’t crazy.” he smiles as he leans down and kisses you.

you love him and that’s okay. you’d love him no matter what.

“you had me scared for a minute. i thought you were going to break up with me.” he chuckles, looking at you.

you gasp, “never.”

“good because i just planned this whole date to tell you that i loved you and now i won’t be stressing out the whole time.”

“lucky you.” he understands you.

[mariesjordans]

Oh yeah I had this idea where Marie and Jordan were Internet friends - with one key difference: they don't reveal that they're supes. It just felt like giving the other a reason to hate them.

Then they meet at God u and underneath the animosity there's this familiarity that nags at them.

Hxjsjdhdks

I know this isn't a drabble idea but sjsksbsj

Comfort Zone

(1.2k words) i’m rusty hope you like

There was something about them, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Like she’d met them in a past life or an old friend you knew once as a child.

What they said replayed in her head all day. Despite how they got under her skin, she couldn’t let it go.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone”

3 days earlier

J: [I think you’re overthinking]

Jordan had never thought themself to be the motivational type but there was something about this girl. They wanted the best for her and they’d ensure she knew she deserved it.

They felt like they knew her entirely but not at all at the same time. The girl wouldn’t even give them her first name under the excuse that “the mystery is what keeps their friendship alive”.

Friendship…. the old Jordan would kick himself right now because of course they managed to fall for a girl through a screen.

Jordan’s thoughts were interrupted by the ping on their phone, they rolled over and unlocked it.

M: [I’m not overthinking, it’s a new school. New people, new everything it’s… nerve wracking to say the least]

Jordan smiles waiting for the girl to finish rambling, knowing they were due a few more text bubbles before they can successfully calm her down.

M: [I mean i’m not like antisocial but at the same time I can’t see myself just walking up to somebody and us hitting it off and your silence is really starting to freak me out!]

J: [I wanted to let you have your moment before pulling you back to reality, you know where the rest of us live]

M: [I’m glad you can find entertainment admist my turmoil]

J: [I can find amusement during your dramatics yes]

M: [I will block you]

J: [You’ve had a year and a half to block me, good luck living without me]

M: [Thumbs down]

Jordan smiles a bit to herself, continuing.

J: [Look the way I see it, all progress takes place outside the comfort zone. A quote I live by]

M : [That was not helpful and I know you just googled that]

J : [Listen i’m free tomorrow and i’ll have my phone on hand so you can talk to me whenever, it’ll also make you look super busy deal?]

M: [Deal]

Present

“She hasn’t even told you her name and you’re talking like she’s the one, excuse me if I’m a bit concerned.” Luke kicked his feet up on the desk in front of him to immediately be knocked off by Jordan.

“I didn’t say she’s the one I just said I wouldn’t mind if I knew someone like her in real life, and respect the desk man.”

“You’ve been checking your phone all day waiting to be her knight in shining armor.” Cate pipes up from the couch across the office.

“No one asked you! And as for you- “ Jordan cuts eyes at Luke. “Why do I even bother telling you anything alone if you’re just gonna relay the information to barbie”.

“Play nice Jordan.” Andre walks in and Jordan sinks into their chair because yes of course all three of them teaming up against him as usual.

“Yeah be nice Jordan.” Cate stuck her tongue out to make a point met with Jordan rolling her eyes.

“I’m still trying to figure out why you invited that freshman to come out with us don’t you have enough on your plate.” Jordan pointed between Cate and Luke.

“I know this comes as a shocker to you my friend but some of us are capable of friendship with other beings without intentions of jumping in their pants.”

“What are you trying to insinuate here!” Jordan knew exactly where this was going but didn’t have the care to stop it.

“What he’s saying is maybe we do wish your dream girl was real and present cause that’s the most committed any of us have seen you in all 3 years of knowing you.” Cate teases as she grabs her things. “Anyways it’s getting around that time, we need to go get ready.”

“Oh is that what you’re doing, getting ready?”

Cate makes a point to flip Jordan off as Luke trails after her followed by Andre blowing kisses and shutting the door.

Jordan rests his eyes for a moment, a moment that didn’t last long seeing as they jumped at their phone the minute it pinged.

M: [Day is going decent so far, I got invited to hang out with this guy. One of the people he hangs with seems like a total douche though. I can probably get around it.]

J: [I like this change of spirit on you, I’d be careful though you just met this guy. Define “hang out”.]

Jordan cringed knowing they sounded like a jealous boyfriend, but hoping it went over her head.

M: [He seems laid back, plus I think I can take him. I guess we’re going to some club.]

J: [Weird.]

M: [Don’t make me second guess myself what happened to the inspirational you I was getting this morning!]

J: [No that’s not what I meant, I mean we kind of have the same plans tonight.]

A bit too similar.

M: [ Awesome, well I’ll hit you for a drunk texting session later and tell you all about it.]

J: [You wanna get drunk with these guys first night out???]

M: [I’m KIDDING, you can put the guns down superman I got this]

J: [Superman doesn’t use guns.]

That night

“Staring daggers at her all night isn’t gonna magically make her explode Jordan”

Cate nudged them as they eyed the new girl at the bar with Luke, “Marie” excessively giggling at something they knew couldn’t have been that funny.

“Don’t they seem a bit too comfortable to you.”

“Oh no you’re not gonna turn this on me, and you’re especially not gonna turn me on that girl, she’s adorable!”

“I agree!” Andre plopped down on the couch next to Jordan, the music was loud but Andre was still yelling a lot louder than need be.

“I just don’t understand where you guys got this random urge to let this girl into our circle 3 years into this friendship.”

Cate shared a look with Andre before they both bursted into giggles.

“Somebody sounds possessive! Maybe we should make the bed up for four instead tonight.” Jordan cringed and pushed Andre away from them.

“You guys aren’t funny i’m being serious.”

“We know that’s the sad part.” Jordan looked at the bar as Marie tried to help Luke balance their round of shots on a slim tray.

“Give her a chance.” Jordan opened their mouth to protest but Cate quickly cut them off “Give. her. a. chance. Promise me!”

Jordan remained silent.

“Promise me Jordan!”

“Fine!”

-

“Not a fan of dancing?” Jordan once again mentally kicking themself trying to make small talk.

Marie stared forward at Andre pulling out some of his most ridiculous moves as Luke and Cate encouraged his antics, stopping only to look at Jordan-bewildered.

“Wow he says more than 2 words and is capable of different facial expressions outside a death glare, color me shocked.”

Jordan felt their irritation rise and fall reminding themself of the promise they made Cate.

“I’m….. sorry.”

Marie took them in for a second, his eyes genuine.

“I know I just kind of showed up and barged my way in but I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I promise.”

“Well, all progress takes place outside-“

“-the comfort zone.” Marie eyed them for a second.

Then it hit her….. it should be impossible but….. it was…. it was them.

Totally down to continue this btw if anyone wants. I’m writing requests rn but I have more for this one I wanna do. Also I proofread a few times but sorry for any spelling errors.

[babyfairy]

i feel like i need to find a therapist again. i’m getting so frustrated with how often i come off wrong and i feel like i have so many issues with communication that i genuinely don’t know how to address because i don’t feel secure communicating no matter who i’m talking to. i’m always second guessing or overthinking it. and i know that has a lot to do with my OCD and anxiety but i feel like it’s done so much damage to my interpersonal relationships and other peoples’ perception of me and knowing that is so embarrassing for me it makes me want to just stop talking completely. but even when i do that it upsets others and comes off wrong. i wish i could wipe everyone’s memories of me sometimes and just start over. like it’s gotten to a point where i’m scared to deepen my relationship with my more casual friends because i’ll just end up upsetting or disappointing them somehow. like i feel like i need to be coached through things that everyone around me is able to handle and i hate that.

mental health resources here are so lacking though and after my last experience with a therapist + trying to find resources for family members in crisis i feel so drained and frustrated with everything i just don’t want to bother. on top of looking for another job and worrying about my family and not being able to enjoy my hobbies anymore and never being able to sleep well i feel like i’m at my fucking wits end dude like i don’t understand why regardless of how hard i try or what i do nothing seems to get any better. and all anyone has to say about it is they’re sorry. no one knows what to say. and like of course not because who would have all the answers but sometimes i just want to fucking tear my head off because i don’t think anyone realizes how fucking badly i just don’t want to be here and it takes constant effort for me to not think about anything but being dead rofl like i think maybe some people think im exaggerating or joking or trying to make people feel sorry for me but i genuinely loathe being alive like actually fucking hate it and think im not supposed to be here. and everything is a reminder that im not good enough at something or not where i need to be. im tired of always whining lmao i know it’s annoying like i can feel that people around me are fatigued with me being like this but i don’t know what else to do anymore like i don’t know how much more im expected to take? i don’t have anything going for me and there’s nothing to look forward to. anyway if you read this thanks for caring and again im sorry this blog has turned into me just nonstop complaining but it’s just like. Lol. i don’t know how anybody does it. i don’t see the beauty in life anymore. im just tired. i feel empty 90% of the time and i cry almost every day. i just wish it would stop. i don’t understand what i possibly could’ve done to deserve this level of unhappiness but i genuinely believe god fucking hates me and is punishing me because i’ve done something wrong in this life or maybe a past one. i miss my grandpa and i wish i could disappear

[gently-decaying-flowers]

i wasn’t gonna post this- it’s been in my drafts since like….. early november? i guess i was worried about getting hate, or being seen as rude? i dunno i overthink a lot

alas, multiple people have told me that this is actually really interesting! so i think it’s good to share now

so here we are

i have a strange outlook on personal religion. my grandparents were pretty religious, we said grace before dinner, we’d go to church (but only for easter and christmas) but i guess i never really believed in it because my parents don’t.

i definitely believe there is some sort of god or other force outside of us, whatever it may be. when i was younger, i would “pray” asking for guidance or just for things to get better (this was mostly when i started to get very depressed during 2020, i was also only about 12 at that time)

to be honest, it really helps believing there is something looking out for me. i found comfort in knowing i wasn’t thrown into this to deal with it myself. even now, things get shitty but i know everything happens for a reason. i know im not just shoved out in the universe-

actually, i don’t really see it quite like this anymore…. but when i was younger i used to think about how there could be a specific being assigned to each person. not a god, nor an angel- except i guess that would be the closest comparison. but- it’s like- there’s something here. watching over just you and focusing on you and looking toward your future.

there’s so many bad things that have happened to me that ended up leading me to the most amazing things, things i could only begin to dream of. there’s no way that’s just- chance. i’m not that lucky.

i never told anyone about this. which is why i’m so hesitant to put it out here, but i find it really interesting…

especially now. my grandpa died in 2020. since then- we stopped going to church. honestly the memories tied to it are too much to bear without him.

but every holiday season i start hearing christmas music, silent night especially, since my church used to give everyone their own candles to hold as we sang it together, and i miss it. i would never admit this to my mom- i’m not sure she’d understand.

there’s just a certain atmosphere about it, something about being there. it’s weird too- i don’t really want to participate in organized religion (although i would NEVER reflect that on someone else. if you are involved that’s amazing, and i’m happy as long as you are. my general outlook on everything is: that’s cool for you and i don’t have a problem until you try to make me do something i don’t want to do)

i guess i just like being inside a church. it’s so calming, tranquil. maybe it’s the actual nostalgia tied to it, maybe it’s a connection with how i view a higher power… either way- it’s a non-traditional approach to religion. i hardly think of it as religion anyway… but it’s something that’s brewed in my mind for years and i’ve never really processed it- or spelled it all out before.

[cirquedumoi]

Lo, another fanfic! Once again for a LU Discord prompt, this time for Legend Week. Proofread by Oh Sibling Dearest (@thorns-for-the-sake-of-flowers), who also pointed put that I was massively overthinking how to write the middle of the fic. Anyways, Legend & Wind get stuck in a cave, and neither have a particularly good time. (From Legend's P.O.V)

As a sidenote, I had their pronouns picked out before realising I'd never use Legend's, so have them anyways lol:

Legend: Ce/Cir/Cirs/Cirself (Genderqueer)

Wind: He/Him

Wild (mentioned): They/He (Genderfluid)

((Ao3 link))

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Thank whatever deity was listening that neither of us got seriously hurt. However, it did mean that now we had no way of getting help from the others. I could only hope they heard the collapse.

“Fuckin’ hell that sucked,”

“Usually I’d tell you off for swearing, Sailor, but you’re not wrong. It’s also not like the others are here to tell you off,” Being honest, I never really cared about swearing, but it’s funny to see the reactions.

“As if yer ever serious about it,” Wind retorted, smirking. A frown soon overtook that, though. “I hope the others heard that. Not that I hate ya or anything, this is just…”

“Not ideal. I get it,” I sighed. “So much for ‘quality bonding time’,”

“Ha, yeah. Wonder what happened, though. Things don’t normally fall down on their own,”

“I can't feel any magical bullshit here, so it was probably going to happen regardless of who came in next.” I mean, something could've happened, but it was unlikely that it was anything against us.

“Sucks that it had to be us. Also, I'd be surprised if ya don't have something to help,” Wind's statement was fair enough, however I very much did not have anything we could use. That would've been due to Wind's (and Time's) insistence that we shouldn't need much. Just our luck.

“At least you have your necklace,” I hoped it'd work. He'd never let me have a look at it before, despite my curiosity.

“Ah, yeah!” He pulled his necklace out from under his shirt. A faint glow outlined his face as got to work on trying to get through to Wild. I also wasn’t sure why it could connect to Wild's slate, their magic was completely different to the Sailor's. After what I guessed were a few attempts, Wind sighed. The glow faded, darkness again swallowing the cave.

“He's not answering. I guess they don't have the slate with them,”

“Might be swimming. The gods know they wanted to,” From what Wind had said before we split off, the beach wasn't too far from here. Besides that, the Champion had a knack for finding new places.

“Yeah, maybe,” He sighed, a soft thump bouncing around the walls as he sat down. “Why did we have to go to this cave? We could've gone with everyone else, or at least found a better cave,”

“Well there were, and still are, lots of crystals in here, and I know you like them. Also, you wanted to ‘explore the wilderness’. And drag me along,” Could just be an effect of the collapse, but I was starting to get a headache.

“Ye wanted to come! It's also not like I overly wanted to look in here. For all I know, us just walking in here made it collapse!”

“I’m sorry, are you trying to imply that I caused this mess!?” How dare he, the idiot didn’t- no, couldn’t do anything to stop this either. That did not make it my-

“I didn’t really mean to, no.” I barely caught him staring at me through the darkness. I did miss him mumbling something else though. Which… Is fairly out of character for the one who likes to make his thoughts known.

“If you're going to say something, could you speak up?” That came out harsher than I meant. A sigh came in response.

“Are ye?” What did he-?

“Am I what?”

“I- I don’t think this was yer fault despite what I said, neither of us could’ve stopped it,” He started, seeming to catch himself before he started rambling. “But… do you?"

[bcolfanfic]

Spill the lore of what happened with cros and his sandra equivalent in the yv au 👀. I know you’ve talked a little about it before but I’m messy and live for drama

i first want to clarify that i know like. realistically he could get in huggeeee UCMJ trouble if he truly got caught doing this in a modern setting but. this is an au and i make the rules so that doesn’t happen 🙏🏼. maybe part of benny making him call jean and tell her is that they won’t snitch.

but yeah woof. i also love messy. i *love* croz, and love making him a complicated little shit. <3

it all starts bc he kinda loses his shit after bubbles dies. gets sent somewhere on leave for a bit and *almost* gets to go back to the states for some time. but then shit hits the fan and he’s needed back in bagram and it’s right back into the fire. one thing on top of another and he’s. not doing good.

a girl from another unit sees him when he’s eating somewhere alone late at night and slides into the bench across from him to keep him company and that’s how they get to talking. he habitually goes to that area when he can’t sleep, and then as they start talking more she does too and it. progresses from there. *not* that what he does is justified at all but. his mental health is in a spiral, he feels like the war is never going to end and she’s. nice and pretty and *there*. what happens happens.

benny and douglass are used to him coming back to the room late bc of his night walks, but then he starts not being back until *the morning* and that’s what makes benny start to get real side eye about it. it initially doesn’t even cross his mind that croz would even do something like that, but then he seems him and that girl sitting somewhere talking during the day looking awfully close and is like. oh. oh shit you little fuck.

next time he’s gone at night he chugs a couple energy drinks and just waits up in the dark for him to get back. talked jamie into doing it with him lmfao jamie is like okay. i guess but like what if you’re overthinking this??? and benny is like mmm no i’m not (:

croz comes back at like 3am and all the lights are on- which means they can both see he doesn’t exactly look /tired/. in blunter words it’s very clear all over his face that he just had sex. jamie is kinda. shocked that benny was right and doesn’t say anything but benny goes right into ripping into him. all fake nice asks where he was- is like yeah /wrong answer/ when he tries to lie and just lays the fuck into him. whisper yelling asking what’s wrong with him- she know you’re married? you talk about your kids before you hit it??? and the more croz is a stuttering mess the more pissed he gets.

croz is eventually like fuck i’m sorry oh my god i get it- and that’s what makes benny snap and go after him physically. slams him against the bunk by the shirt and there’s a lot of yelling and chaos that damn near wakes the whole hall up before jamie pulls them apart. (gale tells john to go back to sleep when he says he’s gonna go see what’s going on lmao).

when people have slept and there are somewhat cooler heads that’s when croz kinda loses it. starts *bawling* about how awful he feels and the war and bubbles and about how none of it is an excuse but. benny isn’t anywhere near wanting to feel any pity for him, just kinda listens stone faced and says he needs to tell jean what he did or he will, up to him.

which croz, for all his issues does handle. as well as is required. which is more or less what saves benny from just hating him forever.

[berenwrites]

Beyond the Battle - Chapter 44 - Stranger Things - Steddie

Beyond the Battle­: Action & Consequence

Click here for All Posted Chapters

Summary: Steve hits things with a bat or gets hit depending on who you ask. He definitely does not have anything to do with the psychic stuff. That is El’s domain. However, as Vecna is defeated, the rules change.

Pairing: steddie (Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson)

Other Relationships: Steve & Robin, Steve & Dustin, Eddie & Dustin

Rating: Teen

A/N: Multi-chapter story, updated regularly. Honestly not sure how many chapters it will have yet because it's still a bit hand wavy in the middle, but definitely more than 12. Thank you to my beta for find my mistakes and to all those who read/like/reblog.💖 Follow #st:beyond-the-battle for updates.

Also on AO3

Chapter 44. Panic Over?

How he got through breakfast Steve would never know, especially after Robin appeared and kept giving him looks. Clearly, he was not doing as well as he thought, but it wasn’t like he could just ditch when there were guests in the house.

However, the moment breakfast was done, Steve hightailed it to his room with Robin and Eddie close behind. He sat on the bed, doing his best not to overthink himself into a hole.

“Okay, what am I missing?” Robin asked the moment his door was closed.

“I think my mom suspects about me and Eddie,” Steve blurted out as Eddie came and sat next to him.

“Holy crap,” Robin said, sitting down on his other side. “Are you okay? What did she say? Are you sure?”

“Steve, tell me if I’m reading this wrong, but I think she was trying to be supportive,” Eddie added.

Steve nodded.

“Well, that’s good,” Robin said, “that’s great … um … isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he replied, sounding kind of unsure.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want his mum knowing and being okay with it, it was just all the doubts crowding in the back of his head that were doing a number on him. What if they were wrong? What if his mom had just been talking and didn’t have a clue about him and Eddie? Too many what ifs.

“I think,” he added.

Robin took his hand.

“Tell me everything,” she said.

“Turns out I have lesbian aunts,” he said, because it was the first thing that leapt into his head.

Robin’s eyes went big and round and for a moment she looked like she might be having a heart attack.

“Well not actual aunts, but I’ve always called them Aunt Marie and Auntie Annie,” he explained. “God I am so stupid. I never … not even after you came out to me … it never occurred to me.”

“Stevie,” Eddie said, since Robin still seemed to be processing, “when we grow up believing something, we don’t always question it. Your mom literally said, they pretend to just be friends to a lot of people. When did you last see them?”

“About six years ago, I think,” he replied. “They came to visit. They stayed in separate rooms.”

“Yeah, well this is Indiana,” Robin said. “Safest for them, safest for you.”

“I hate they thought they had to hide it from me,” he said quietly, “and they were probably right.”

“No, stop right there,” Robin told him firmly. “I came out to you, and you were nothing but sweet.”

“Yeah, but that was after the Upside Down and Russians, that was after King Steve,” he pointed out.

“And that didn’t all just give you a personality transplant,” Robin insisted. “Maybe it made you think and reassess a few things, but you didn’t just become a different person. It would probably have shocked your socks off, but you wouldn’t have done anything bad.”

Her faith in him was gratifying, but he wasn’t sure he completely believed her. He might not have done anything deliberately, but he’d been a stupid kid. Getting drunk and blurting it all out to Tommy and Carol being one distinct possibility.

“She’s right,” Eddie said from his other side. “You were a bit of a dick at times, but you were never outright mean. If you had been an asshole like Billy Hargrove, I never could have fallen for you.”

“So, back to the point, you have lesbian kind-of-aunts and you mom brought them up at breakfast?” Robin asked.

Steve nodded and began to explain the whole backstory of breakups and girlfriends and falling in love, with Eddie adding in the odd comment.

“Yeah,” Robin said when he finally finished, “must agree with Eddie, I think that was your mom letting you know she’ll be there for you if there’s something you need to tell her. The whole ‘shining example of how love is always right’ part was about as subtle as a brick through a window.”

“So, what do I do?” he asked, because his thoughts were all over the place.

“What do you want to do?” Robin asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, a little bit louder than he had intended to.

“Do you want to talk to her?” Eddie suggested gently, rubbing the back of his hand.

“Yes,” he replied immediately, “but no. God why am I so scared?”

“Because this is scary,” Robin replied. “You have no idea how many times I have played over possible scenarios of coming out to my parents in my head. Most of them are trainwrecks because it’s a really, really scary thing.”

“The scariest,” Eddie agreed. “When I came out to Wayne, I had a bag packed and was ready to make a run for it.”

“What happened?” Robin asked, just before Steve blurted out something similar.

“He hugged me and told me he didn’t care who I loved as long as I was happy,” Eddie explained. “Then he sat me down and gave me the most embarrassing sex talk, I nearly died. I had no idea Wayne knew anything about gay sex, but I guess I must have been giving off some signals, because he had pamphlets.”

“Oh my god,” Robin said with a smile. “I love your uncle more the more I hear about him.”

“My mother better not have pamphlets,” was what came out of Steve’s mouth.

“She’d probably get your dad to do that part,” Robin commented.

“Oh god no, that would be worse,” Steve said, shaking his head. “Mom had to do the whole birds and the bees talk because when Dad tried, he was so awkward about it.”

“Think we might be a bit beyond the safe sex talk anyway,” Eddie commented.

Robin’s gaze flicked between them.

“So have you two..?” she asked.

“I wish,” Steve said, before his brain caught up with his mouth.

His face heated up quickly.

“What Steve is so eloquently trying to say, is no, we haven’t gone all the way yet, but we’ve done more than kissing,” Eddie revealed, “and if you want more details, you can ask Steve when I am not in hearing range.”

At least Eddie’s cheeks were flaming as well.

“So, back to my mom,” Steve said before the conversation could get any more awkward.

“You should talk to her,” Robin said confidently, “but you don’t have to do it right now. If you need time, you can take it.”

“I think this morning might have been your mom’s way to give you an opening,” Eddie added. “That’s probably why she didn’t just come out and say it directly. She doesn’t want to push you.”

“What about you?” Steve asked, looking his boyfriend in the eye.

“Well, I’m kind of terrified your mom might give me a shovel talk to end all shovel talks, because your mom is scary as hell, but I can cope with that,” Eddie replied, leaning into him for a moment. “This is about you, not me. So, whatever you need is okay by me.”

Steve took a deep breath and squeezed Eddie’s hand.

He had never thought about coming out to his mom or his dad, it just wasn’t something he had considered, given how long he had known he had anything to come out about. Maybe in the back of his mind there had been a vague idea, but it had been an amorphous thing. He’d more thought about revealing him and Eddie to the party than to his parents. The last few days had been such a whirlwind on top of weeks of upheaval that it was all a bit much.

“I’ll talk to her,” he decided as he let himself process it all, “but maybe not today.”

“If you need backup,” Eddie said, “I’m always here.”

“Me too,” Robin agreed.

“When you do decide, let me know and I’ll talk to Wayne too,” Eddie added. “He’s far too observant for his own good so probably has us pegged already, but it couldn’t hurt to have another adult who can vouch for the fact I’m not a serial killer.”

“My mom already thinks your adorable,” Steve replied.

He gave them both a smile, dropping their hands and pulling them both into a three-way hug. This was something he was pretty sure he had to do by himself, but he was grateful for their supports.

~*~

When they had come back downstairs after Steve’s freakout, his mom had been perfectly normal, entertaining Robin’s parents and even inviting them to stay for lunch so they could all watch the press conference together. It was due at one pm.

Steve spent the morning with Eddie and Robin, going through their packets of cover story information and discussing it between them. Owens had provided them with an outline, enough to answer questions if anyone threw some at them, but Eddie was a consummate storyteller. As they talked it through, he came up with details they could use to sell it more, which in turn inspired Robin and Steve to come up with their own too. It helped solidify the story in Steve’s head as they fleshed their interactions out a little.

Eddie suggested they get all the kids together to do the same thing at some point, and he could only agree.

He helped his mom put together a light lunch around midday and he was perched on the arm of one of the couches next to Robin with Eddie beside her and Wayne in the last seat, while his mom and Robin’s parents took up the other couch and his dad had an armchair. They had the TV on, on the local news station, but had it turned down for now.

Steve wasn’t sure why he was nervous, but from the way Robin was gripping his hand, he was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one. He wished he could have been holding Eddie’s hand as well, but Wayne seemed to be doing a good job of that.

The cover story was thorough, clever, and covered all the bases. It made them all out to be heroes, which made Steve feel a little uncomfortable, but he understood why. This was to protect them from shady government types by making everyone remember them. He didn’t feel like a hero though. He never had. He’d done what he had to do and that was just the way he saw it.

In his opinion, heroes were people who chose to be soldiers or firefighters or doctors, he’d just been thrown into it every time.

“Here it comes,” Robin said, pointing at the screen.

Steve’s dad turned up the volume.

“And now we go live to Hawkins and our reporter Denise Wellman,” the anchor was saying.

“Thanks, John,” a woman with a microphone, standing in front of the ruins of the town hall said. “Hawkins has been the site of some very strange and tragic happenings since the end of March, but we have been led to believe that these are linked to other incidents which have plagued the town. We are just waiting for law enforcement representatives to begin the press conference.”

Denise went on for a little longer, going over the recent earthquake, the murders and more as she filled in while activity started on the platform behind her. Steve tuned most of it out, just watching as familiar faces appeared on the small stage that had been built for the purpose. Hopper was wearing a suit, which just looked bizarre to Steve.

“Hop scrubs up well,” Eddie commented.

The reporter lowered her microphone as the camera panned away from her and focused on the group of people on the stage. Hopper was in the front, with Owens just behind his left shoulder and Chief Powell behind his right.

“Good afternoon,” Hopper began as silence fell. “Thank you all for coming today. My name is Jim Hopper and many of you will know me as the ex-chief of Hawkins’ police. I’ve been officially dead since the summer of last year, but I will get to that later. I stand here today as a representative of the government and of our town. I know everyone has questions, but I will take them at the end as I have a prepared statement and I thank you for your patience.”

He looked round at his audience with a grave expression on his face.

“Our town had been under a shadow for several years,” Hopper went on. “The first incident which alerted us to this was the disappearance of Will Byers, but unfortunately it goes back further than that. Until now, we were unable to reveal the truth because of an ongoing investigation, but that is now complete. Hawkins had been at the centre of a very dangerous international drug ring.”

A murmur went round the gathered crowd at that.

“A new and incredibly dangerous drug came to the notice of the federal government four years ago, one no one had ever seen before,” Hopper went on. “It was known only as Vecna on the underground scene, and it could be deadly with only one use. No one could figure out where it was coming from. What no one realised at the time was the fact the group behind it were highly organised, from countries all around the world, and had government contacts in those countries.”

“There were no clues until the disappearance of Will Byers. He was the first victim in Hawkins. We believe he saw something he was not supposed to, was exposed to the drug, and left for dead. That he was found by his family and friends and survived is a miracle. Unfortunately, he could not recall what he had seen.”

“Barbara Holland was not so lucky.”

Hopper paused to give the reporters and towns people time to digest that. Steve closed his eyes for a second as that night flashed behind his eyes. He still couldn’t shake the guilt. Robin rubbed his hand.

“Hawkins Lab was being used by its head scientist Dr Martin Brenner and a few select members of his team to manufacture Vecna type 1. Every disaster this town has seen since has been caused by the same source,” Hopper continued. “The accident at the lab which caused its closure and the hallucinations among people in town, the Starcourt mall fire, the murders of our children, and the earthquake.”

“Each of these was the drug cartel attempting to take over our town. They caused the accident at the lab and a chemical leak to drive the government presence out of Hawkins. They built Starcourt mall with the help of Mayor Kline, burning it down to cover their tracks when they were discovered. And their secret, illegal mine under our town, and their testing of their drug on our kids caused everything this year. It has been terrible, but it could have been so much worse.”

“I was recruited by the DEA in 1985 to help them figure out if there were still any cartel agents in town by playing at being a cop who would look the other way for enough cash,” Hopper explained. “And when the mall was torched, I had a chance to go deeper into the cartel. I’ve been undercover since. However, and I cannot stress this enough, we owe our town not to government law enforcement, but to a group of kids and young adults. They are why this town is not a battle ground, and the incident in Lock Nora a few days ago was the cartel’s attempt at revenge.”

The noise from the crowd became much louder and Hopper had to hold up his hand to quiet it down.

“I know that sounds fantastic,” Hopper told everyone, “but it’s the truth. After Will Byers’ brush with death, his friends, his family and those closely associated with them became hypervigilant. These kids don’t let anything get past them. It wasn’t the DEA or the FBI who figured out Starcourt was a front, it was these kids. It wasn’t the government who discovered the illegal mine under the town, it was these kids. Without them, the damage to our town would have been far worse. It was their quick thinking, their heroism which prevented a far bigger explosion that would have turned most of this town to ash.”

“Who are these kids?” someone called out.

“I’ll get to that,” Hopper promised. “First there are a few things you must understand. Hawkins was targeted originally because there is a rare mineral under our feet the cartel needed to produce their new designer drug. The earthquake was their mine going up in flames and the heat opening fissures to the surface. The fissures closed once the fire finally burned out. There was also an underground storage facility of other chemicals which had they burned would have caused an explosion that would have taken out the whole town.”

“The three murders this spring were the cartel testing out Vecna 3.0,” Hopper went on. “They targeted innocent high school kids by doctoring ordinary prescription medication. The drug causes catastrophic seizures and contortions when ingested at too high a dose and can cause psychosis at lower levels.”

“So there was no serial killer?” someone asked.

“No,” Hopper replied. “These innocent victims were targeted by faceless scientists with no conscience.”

“What about Eddie Munson?” another bright spark piped up.

Steve’s heart beat harder at that, even though he already knew what was coming.

“Okay, let’s talk about Eddie. Eddie is the opposite to the lies and slander that have been spread about him,” Hopper said in a tone that begged someone to argue with him so he could punch their lights out. “Everyone in Hawkins knows Eddie used to sell weed. More than a few of you have bought from him. What you don’t know is when he heard whispers about a new dangerous drug making its way into Hawkins, he came to me, way before I was recruited by the DEA. He even deliberately failed to graduate the second time so he could keep an eye on what was going on at Hawkins High. He was also my only contact with the outside while I was undercover.”

“No one is ever going to believe that,” Eddie muttered, the first person to do more than breathe as they watched.

“If I didn’t know the truth, I’d believe it,” Robin said quietly.

“Eddie nearly died trying to get the word out about the mine when he found out about it,” Hopper went on.

“Where were you?” someone asked.

“Chicago,” Hopper replied. “We didn’t know why Hawkins was a focus until we knew about the mine. It’s the puzzle piece that made the picture make sense. After Starcourt we thought the cartel were only mildly interested in Hawkins anymore. Eddie would have died if it wasn’t for his friends, who also happen to be friends of Will Byers. The kids I am talking about are Robin Buckley, Will and Jonathan Byers, Gareth Emerson, Argyle Franco, Steve Harrington, Dustin Henderson, my daughter, Jane Hopper, Jeff Newton, Max Mayfield, Lucas and Erica Sinclair, Frank Thomas, and Mike and Nancy Wheeler. Some of them have been involved since the beginning, some only more recently, but they have all saved this town.”

“When Eddie went to ground and was taken captive by the cartel, these kids went looking for him,” Hopper told the enrapt crowd. “Just like when they heard coded messages at Starcourt mall they went looking too. They found Eddie, got him out and together they all prevented the explosives in the chemical storage facility from going up. Without them this whole area would be a crater. There was also information in the facility which allowed the DEA and other organisations to finally close in on the puppet masters in the cartel. We owe so many lives, local and international, to a bunch of very brave kids, and several of them wear the scars to prove it.”

Steve’s hand went to his neck without his conscious consent. Hopper made it sound like a badge of honour.

“There are more details in the press packs,” Hopper said as he wound up his explanation. “Now I will take questions.”

A barrage of sound came from the reporters and members of the public in the crowd and Steve’s dad turned down the volume.

“Who knew Hopper could be more dramatic than me,” Eddie commented.

 “Maybe he’s a closet thespian,” Robin said in kind.

“Closet what?” Steve asked.

“Actor,” Eddie said without the remotest hesitation.

“Well, he’s definitely got my vote,” he replied. “I would have believed every word he said.”

He couldn’t help noticing that all their parental figures were looking at them a little bit strangely. Possibly their coping mechanisms were showing.

End of Chapter 44

Chapter 45

[wrongcaitlyn]

OKAY SO OW.

will got a little too real in this chapter 😍

THE ANGST THE ANGST AND THE WILL AND APOLLO FLUFF AND NICO BEING ANGRY/WORRIED AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

literally such a good chapter no i didn’t cry haha what are you speaking of????

so besides all of the sadness i have a very strange question but i overthink everything 😭 so sorry abt that, but i was just wondering cause i know nico has changed lyrics in his songs vrs the ones that are the actual irl songs (haunted having the “cause in your ghost right now your house is haunted” lyric instead of the regular ones) (plz tell me i’m remembering right) and this is actually such a nieche thing to think about but my question is because so many songs use the pet name “baby” in them and nico doesn’t seem like the type to use that (do they even have any nicknames for each other in tyt?) so. would he. a somehow just avoid it. b. use a different pet name c. i need to stop overthinking things because the original lyrics don’t all adhere to his songs. d. a secret fourth thing???

hopefully that makes at least some sense!

ty for another great chapter can’t wait until next week :D

HSJSJ im so glad you liked it bc it was an absolute horror to write!! yk sometimes you’ve got those scenes that you know have to happen, and they have to be written *perfectly* and so then you just stare at the doc for hours trying to figure out how the characters work

but on to the question! oh god. this is hard. see the thing is: i think it WOULD be in character for nico to say baby. i think he also says tesoro like in canon, and definitely sunshine, and maybe darling?

the thing is. i, personally, as a person, have a visceral HATRED of the word. and of pet names/nicknames in general. i don’t mind it in music, but whenever i try and write it into the fic, i just cringe and automatically backspace (this has absolutely nothing to do with people who actually use it as a term of endearment i just don’t know how to write it in without it sounding incredibly awkward or out of character)

so honestly, though, i think that nico is chill abt using it in a song, bc i feel like music honestly uses it more as filler? like, if you need to add a persons name, you’re obviously not gonna say their name (unless the song is hey stephen) so they just add in a pet name - most commonly baby

and i don’t think nico would have anything against that - id probably have to look through the playlists to see just how many times songs use the word, but i don’t think it’s that often

anyway my answer is that yes nico uses the word, i think that will started calling him babe at some point and nico just started using baby too but it’s much more rare and likely when he’s very tired/trying to convince will to do something (such as not work)

i think he prefers using something like darling in his songs (or maybe i’ve just been listening to too much hozier but that’s neither here nor there) but he doesn’t stray away from using the word if it fits well

and he probably uses more terms of endearment in real life than i’ve included (though will def uses them more often, and nico probably refrains from using pet names in front of other ppl) but i just hate writing them so much im sorry😭😭😭😭 i CANT i swear i tried to include a babe at some point in talk your talk and a sunshine but like the only thing slightly close to that that i ever left in a final draft was neeks. i can’t write pet names unless they’re said in a sarcastic or insulting mannerHSJDJ

thank you for the ask!!

[zomb1e-boy]

Paring: Farmer!Negan x TransMasc! reader

Summary: Negan and Y/N start to get a lot closer. Neither sides thought that could happen after the war and lose, but you two defeated all odds. Despite it all you forgive and don’t forget. The two of you are getting closer and it leaves it up to both of you to reveal things about themselves…(I want more trans masc readers so I made one and idk if it’s good or not bare with me)

Warnings:cussing, normal Negan stuff, trans angst, pasta, fluff

“God damnit Negan says frustrated, sweat dripping down his face.Y/N walks out of the shade of the windmill and walks over to Negan. “You alright there buddy?” He says in a playful tone. “I’m fuckin peachy thanks for askin.” Y/N snickers, “Seriously what’s goin on Neegs?” Sweat drips down Negans’ brow, as he wipes it away. “The fucking tomatoes are dyin, I don’t know what’s goin on” Negan’s serious tone is hard to not laugh at, but Y/N keeps his composer. “Well since you’re so distraught about your tomatoes I was gonna ask if you wanted to join me in dinner tonight?” Negan cocks and eyebrow “First off are you askin me out on a date and second off what does that have to do with my tomatoes?” He truly looks beautiful. The glistening of his skin in the hot sun, His fluffy grey locks, and those beautiful hazel eyes that pierce Y/N’s heart every time he looks at em. Realizing he lingered a little too long getting lost in the older man’s beauty Y/N coughs out of embarrassment. The rose color creeping into his cheeks making Negan do a sly smirk. “Well I didn’t think you swung that way and second it’s cause I’m making spaghetti” Y/N says matter of factly. Negan is about to say something but he doesn’t, the younger man can see the hesitation in his figure. “I’d love too you’re one hell of a cook” he says more confident than he just looked. “Awesome, come in an hour or so and for Christ sakes take a shower old man” you chuckle as Y/N walks away to his house. Negan can’t help himself but stare..even back when you guys hated each-other something about Y/N made him swoon. The way you talked, laughed, handled yourself, handled others, and we’ll just you. He always thought he might like guys he definitely seemed like it to others with him comments..but he was too scared. Now it’s the fuckin apocalypse and he’s to scared to say anything to him about it, other than make jokes. It doesn’t help with both their pasts with his feelings. Ever since Lucille he never thought he would care for someone like he did for her again..but there he was…

An hour or so later Y/N gets antsy, thinking maybe Negan got uncomfortable and didn’t want to show up. He wanted to tell Negan how he felt cause god did he feel it strongly. Even with everything and the judgement he’d get he didn’t care. He’s had to deal with that enough for just being how he is. He’s scared, truly scared and not the scared of an unexpected walker or a threat outside the walls it’s internal. The chances of Negan even liking him a guy and being trans on top of that AND IN THE APOCALYPSE. He’s having his work cut out for him. Before the overthinking can take over he hears a knock at his door. Walking up to it shaky and clammy he opens the door.

Seeing Negan’s face calms him; he almost forgets what he was worried about. “Why are you looking at me like that I swore I took a shower.” Negan says with a hint of worry in his voice. Y/N didn’t even notice he spaced out he’s overthinking too much again. “Sorry sorry, I’m scatterbrained like always” he tries to play it off cool but Negan knows something is on his mind but doesn’t say anything. They both walk to the table and sit down. Y/N laid the plates out and put the pasta on the table, he even added a candle. “ I almost didn’t think you’d show up” y/n says. “How dare you think of me like that young man, how would I ever miss out on fucking spaghetti” Negan says picking up a fork and digging in. Y/N laughs a full belly laugh it helps release the tension. “Soooooo..” Y/N drags on “Wanna talk about anything?” Negan almost chokes on his delicious spaghetti. He’s been caught Y/N know he’s a man lover..specifically a him man lover. He clears his throat “Well you caught me…you know my darkest secret…I like men.” Y/N looks at him and it is silent for a solid 5 seconds then he laughs. Y/N is laugh crying so hard he snorts. “That’s not what I thought was on your mind but I’m not complainin.” You say calming down. “What’s so funny did I do something wrong?” Negan asks worried.” Oh god no not at all I just didn’t think that’s what you where gonna say” He says genuinely “thank you for trusting me with that really Negan” Y/N smiles at Negan and He smiles back. They stay like that for a few seconds.

“So you did want this to be a date, you could’ve just asked I would’ve obviously said yes” Y/N taken aback by his own forwardness. “Look kid I don’t got the spunk I had back then I don’t think I got what you want” he side smiles but it’s not genuine. “I’m not sure I’d be what you want either but it works..we work Negan. I’ve known you for what 7 years at this point we’ve come a long way, and plus no one makes me feel the way you do. You’re charm, jokes, and hard work are something I adore, even though you are old.” Negan smiles a huge genuine smile and walks over to you. He sticks out his hand and you take it. “Oh come here you beautiful asshole” he says as he wraps his huge arms around him. Y/N his happy truly happy but he pulls away he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. “Woah woah what’s wrong hun?” You sigh and look at the ground “Negan there’s something I need to tell you and it’s why I don’t think you’ll..” he pause “want me.” Negan looks at him confused and grabs him by the chin “Hey look at me dear nothing could make me not want you” he says with sincerity. Y/N takes a deep breath and starts. “ I’m a man right we know this but, I want born one. I’m transgender and I don’t know if you know what that is but it’s where you’re born one gender but switch to the other and I switched to male. There’s a lot more too it but that’s the basics. Y/N takes a deep breath in and has his eyes closed scared to look and Negan. Negan pulls him into a hug. “I still want you and I’ll always want you you’re still Y/N.” He kisses him on the forehead “Thank you for telling me and if there’s anything I can ever do to help tell me” They both look at eachother. “Negan?” He says looking into his beautiful hazel eyes. “Yes Y/N?” he replies head tilted like a confused puppy. “So does that mean you still want to make us work?” He says with a hopeful smile. Negan wraps his hands around the younger man’s shoulders and leans in for a kiss. Y/N’s hands wander Negan’s back as they deepen the kiss, then he pulls away. “So I’m taking that as a yes?” He asks playfully. “No, not at all” Negan says with a shit eating grin and goes to kiss him again.

[dissvicious]

Okay hey listen. As an avid, rabid Shuggy shipper (overplaying it I am chill) myself I would absolutely Loooove to see the stuff you have to say about them even if I myself like to make their connection romantic. I sometimes feel like people misconstrue shippers playing with characters like they are sims and just putting them in relationships nilly willy as us having no interest in platonic / other content of these characters at all, which couldn’t be further from the truth for me at least. I’m admittedly very romance focused because I just find romance fun to read and write but it’s not like I can’t appreciate anything else. If I went with the fandom metaphor of „Siiigh why should I even bother making this cake? It’s not as good as the other one.“ „OH FUCK YEAH TWO CAKES.“ having more content that’s different from what the majority of the fandom makes would be „Why should I even bother to bring pizza here? Everyone brought cake.“ „AND THEY HAVE PIZZA HERE TOO HOLY SHIIIIIT!!!“

TLDR: Don’t let us shippers keep you from making non ship content for characters because not only will someone be like „Thank god finally something that’s not romantic for these two.“ there are also gonna be people all „I like these being romantic but fuck man I like this as well!!“

That's really sweet thank you so much!

... but to be 100% honest I have a thing with Shuggy & Luffy ships that goes beyond the "just not my cup of tea", you know?

Like there are ships that are "not my favorites but I still enjoy seing them", Crossguild ships are that for me for instance, or ships that are "hey I don't really like it but I don't mind", Sanji x Ace for me...

... and ships that are just "Nope nope nope, this creeps me to the deep core for extremly personal reasons, I can't even look at it without cringing - no hate to people who ship them buuuuut nope I can't I REALLY can't" and that's how I feel with Zolu, Lawlu, Shuggy, Nami x Usopp let's be honest Nami x every male character etc... like I muted the tags on all my social medias because I specifically don't want to see them.

Aaaand I fear that if I post some cute drawings of kid buggy and kid shanks here acting like siblings oooor angst about broken friendship/brotherhood some people would reblog them with #shuggy oooor that if I state "no shuggy please" it would hurt people who ship them which is really not why I want... you see?

Maybe I overthink, but it's just too many complications for not enough satisfaction