#-palpatine voice- I R O N I C

[cuteasamuntin]

Keep getting more tsam slander via Google News so I'll need to rewatch it for the millionth time like some kind of tsam enjoyer (and by talos I'm enjoying it yet again)

Extremely cool and sexy choice for you to make, congrats 💖 I’m sorry Google News is promoting bad opinions, but at least we’re out here re-watching these movies (and spreading the good word by making other people watch them with us)

[xwingsandlaserswords]

Alright, wow. The Rise of Skywalker was, in my book, definitely better than The Last Jedi. Definitely a 6/10 in my book. Here are my thoughts (spoilers below):

The Good: 

The entire cast DELIVERED this movie. 

Finn and Luke were in character this movie!! 

Co-generals? Co-generals. C o - g e n e r a l s

HARRISON FORD ALJDLKJLS I WAS SHOOK. The entire cinema fucking gasped. 

Rey and Leia’s moments were amazing. 

I was upset about no force ghost Anakin but hearing the voices of all the Jedis, both from the movies and TV shows was... poetic cinema

I got Heavy Romantic Tension between Rey and Zorri idk if anyone else did

Rey was a badass, I loved her so much (until the end really, idk something just felt wrong near the end)

Ugh no one can tell me otherwise... Poe and Finn are definitely husbands, or will be at some point. They are That married couple

Lando!! His ending scene was so amazing. 

Finn finding more ex-stormtroopers? Yes. I hope that he gets to talk to them more and find out about their stories (and, just maybe, Jannah is his sister and they were split up???) 

Hux: “I’m the spy!” That was a good twist, going further to say “I just want Kylo to lose” was the icing on the cake

Did I mention Poe and Finn are basically husbands. 

C-3PO was important! 

WEDGE ANTILLES COMING THROUGH AND FINISHING WHAT HIS HUSBAND LUKE SKYWALKER HAS STARTED

The Bad: 

So we didn’t get FinnPoe, but we got... an incestuous, undeveloped het relationship? OK Jan, sure. 

What the fuck was up with Poe and Zorri? D*sney tried so hard to make Poe seem less attracted to Finn but it did not work. This is not because I am a FinnPoe shipper (I am, I won’t lie,) but this is about the Ryan Evans phenomenon I’ve talked about in the past. We have a character, the actor wants him to be out and attracted to a man, but D*sney says “no fuck you” and pairs him last minute with a female. I’m really tired of that shit. I didn’t get any ~serious~ romantic vibes from either of them. If anything, I thought Poe was teasing her. 

Can Finn PLEASE have a story line where his main focus isn’t chasing after Rey? That was the point of the past three movies. It seemed like more scenes than not Finn was talking about going after Rey. I love their friendship, they are the BROTP I’ve loved for four years, but Finn deserves his own story line (like, I dunno, a scene where he gets to meet other ex-stormtroopers?) 

Rey felt... off, in the second half of the movie. Suddenly she was more of a “Ben Solo Support System” and less of her own protagonist 

Leia deserved to die in a better way. 

I still don’t think Kylo Ren deserved to be redeemed. 

“I think LGBT+ rep is important” alright, JJ, where was it. Oh, it was the two female pilots kissing? Sure, I’m glad we saw something, but if LGBT+ rep was as important as you said it was you would have explicitly put Finn and Poe together 

The ending felt rushed, compared to Return of the Jedi. I would have loved a longer celebration scene. 

Finn and Poe should have kissed after the hug, just saying. 

Why was Poe such a dick at the beginning of the movie??? It was unnecessary. 

The Changes I Would Have Made: 

No R*ylo kiss. The scene would have been fine without it 

Poe would have called Finn ‘babe’ at least once. Like... it could have fit in so many places!! “Good thinking, babe!” “Babe, watch out!” Every time Poe said Finn it was translated to babe in my head 

I was hoping Rey would be an Amidala but I guess her being a Palpatine worked out kinda well 

FORCE. GHOST. ANAKIN. I wanted it so badly. 

Better ending for Leia. 

More R2-D2. I missed him. 

Snap would have LIVED dammit. You can’t take him and Jessika away from me. 

Zorri would have been a little more important. She really didn’t do anything 

Give Finn His Own Arc 2k19

[rosheendubh]

Me goofing around with horrid photo edits...

Scene—some deep cavern on some planet somewhere in some quadrant/sector of the galaxy...

*Rhyanon ferch Garwyn (daughter of the Danu and Fomori, survivor of the massacre of Geis, planet in the outer Rim Worlds-The Deep)—wherein, a wormhole rediscovered with the fall of Coruscant, opens a portal across light years—The events of Geis, prompted by Palpatine’s ceaseless quest to find the ultimate tool of dominion, in an ancient/advanced technology that can dissolve/transcend the limits of matter/space/time, requires a key to uncovering it’s existence—on the eve of the FirstDeathStar’s demise, Imperial intelligence enacting first contact, enlists the unsanctioned aid of Reaver raiders residing on the other side of the wormhole, to apprehend, and destroy any opposition, to obtaining the source of the sought after key to locate/control said ancient treasure of mastery—a technology of Keltia’s advanced bio-kinetic and psionic traits inherent in the myriad peoples of Danu/Fomor/Coroniad populating the Keltic star systems—in the resultant slaughter and planetary destruction that targets Rhyanon’s sister, Rodon, and leaves Rhyanon a hostage to the Imperium, a girl barely into adolescence, child of Keltia, comes of age, trained as a courtesan and healer in service to the emperor, with the powers unique to her people, what’s understood as the Force, her people have utilized for millennia as Druid/Ban-Druid, a meta-physical aspect of evolution kin to all sentient beings in varied ways-Rhyanon able to manipulate the very molecules of genes enhanced by nanotech, mind altering the matter of life, a property Palpatine hoped to exploit, and extend his own life against the inevitability of time-with his death at Endor (not slain by Luke, but by another occupant from that far-distant quadrant across the wormhole, Sorsha ny Galida, pilot and assassin of the Hashisayan, sent in vengeance for the massacre of Geis, who takes up service with the Rebellion in the years leading up to Endor, becomes Luke’s lover for a time, her duty to slay Palpatine ends her own life as well, allows Luke to rescue his father, and leaves with a searing loss and bitterness at Sorsha’s death...no sanitized/Tolkien version of space opera, but the Game of Thrones version of space opera...sex/death/angst/Ewoks Sacrificed to the Sith, you know, that kind of thing...also, Anakin survives, but as Sith-though not wholly dark anymore-Limb regeneration restoring his mutilated body from years before, restoring damaged organ tissue as well/ liberating him from the machinery that had twisted his soul/in his own conflicted soul, he seeks solitude for a time, meshed in Sith mysteries, later emerging to take up the faltering Imperial hegemony in a galaxy quickly changing with the shifting tides of power and alliance wrought by the wormholes discovery—also, I sort think Jorah would make lovely, older-Seasoned Anakin/humanized DarthVader...), and the later occupation of Coruscant, Rhyanon, now free, but stranded from her home system, escapes Coruscant to a forgotten planet called Dathomir, where she spends 4 yrs amongst the ‘Witches’, and endearing herself to the aged garrison of stromtroopers who’ve largely settled themselves almost the indigenous civilians, attempting to design the specs of a cruiser able to withstand the stresses of inter-space travel via wormhole so she might r/t her home—timeline is a generation the after the fall of the CurtainWall, under the reign AeronAiobhell, and the war of the 3 Star systems of the Formori/Coraniads/Danu, which results in establishing contact with the long lost Terran Confederacy-when NewRepublic scouts uncover the forgotten base of Dathomir, Luke/Leia/Han arrive to investigate, and resulting ultimate conflict, Luke ends up pursuing Rhyanon as she attempts to flee off-planet, only to get shot down, and then sparring with said Jedi that he only just manages to subdue/apprehend her to custody-her background get revealed eventually with her origins/controversial association with Palpatine/her involvement with Imperial machinations/healing talents a useful propaganda piece to balance imperial charity with oppression/her pursuit of those who’d murdered her sister years before/knowledge of the wormhole and Keltia/affiliated star systems beyond...

*Luke, Leia, Han—way alternate canon involving Star Wars up through original Zahn trilogy, and absolutely nothing of NJO, other than Dathomir...NewRepublic and Imperial conflict abounding...and the Jedi legacy is more kin to how I’d envision a neo-Samuri warrior-philosopher-scholar class/w/o any sort of strong, centralized organization, but a loosely affiliated branching of individuals adhering to a central ideology of practice and belief, where Light and Dark, as Luke comes to realize, are complimentary and opposing forces at once, both necessary in a dynamic, variegated reality of existence...

*Some twisting of StNG—the new Picard series with Firefly/Serenity after the events following the discovery of Miranda, leaving RiverTam with one more secret embedded in memories—planets inhabited by colonizers of Earth that Was/Old Terra to the Kelts, like New Cordova—based off an interstellar version of al-Andalus, desert planet/glittering cities/enlightened Islamic philosophies combined with Hindu pantheism—why not?

*chimersized hybrid creature of genetic engineering/biomolecular and cyber-temporal existence-Reavers/Experiment of Miranda/Clone Wars had been previous failed examples of/Empire  again aspires, under Thrawn, to enhance and perfect these experimental creatures shaped out of matter and time w/with micro-psionetic talents and technologies kin to certain sentients—Rhyanon and her lineage in particular, amongst other humanoid life...creatures grew dangerous/uncontrollable to existing technologies b/c of arcane/mutated sequences coded into their cyber-genetic makeup, but if they could be harnessed once more, would offer a matchless weapon to establish dominion across the Star-systems

—Bases on theory of 13Treasures of Prydain/4 Treasures of Ireland—Weapons of Lugus/Cauldron-Grail-Cosmic Tree some sort of nexus of existence between time and matter and space, touched by mind and flesh

—Gathered In subterranean/nebulous world of an ancient gas giant dissipating into cosmic forces slowly, A web of light around a sphere or a plexus of darkness/a well of shadow/power source of some kind/gathered cooperative onlookers-Han/Leia/Luke/Picard w/new crew/Mal/The Operative dude/Simon/River ‘n crew, all gaze in astonishment at the ethereal amorphous quantum entanglement-Rhyanon approaches to Luke’s alarm and her answering reassurance sensing the key to what they’re seeking lies in reaching into that atomic cluster feeling its currents resounding in her mind/River mentions this was the missing puzzle piece in her mind/the last secret of Miranda/mutters a puzzling lyric of *7 above and 7 below, 3 and 4 and 3 once more, 12 there were in warp and weft, till all dissolved and nothing’s left*/looks at Rhyanon bright/steady/*Can you see it* It’s not me they need-you’re the key they’re after/Rhyanon puts her hands about the coruscating globe of cloud and light and dark/rivers of light shimmer and steam through her veins/tracks of the nanotech enhancing inherent ability sequenced into her neural plexus as a child/at her contact an eruption of light blossoms like a lotus into a thousand branched tree formed out of a cone of darkness and well swallowing and emitting light and shadow simultaneously/Yana at its core/strands and shards of scintillating electromagnetic spectra flowing through and about her person/suspended off the ground by the rivers of light stream outwards in a dancing array that loops and weaves around the gathered company/touching flesh/sampling of matter and spirit/eliciting varying reactions of delight/awe/astonishment/suspicion/resignation or wary caution/Leia in wonderment/face aglow seeing Han’s eyes light up as he tries slapping away a glittering sparkle flitting about his nose/*What is this.*/Simon-hushed reply as he watches River dance about the forest of branching threads like a mystical sea creature or a bird taken wing amongst droplets of a rainbow, her laughter joined by Kaylee who keeps knotting photonic loops about his shoulders and send up a silvery thread in a spiral bringing them together in an embrace he only hesitates for a moment, halos surrounding them, Merging and splitting and merging again/Operative dude watches River in awe, saying at the same time Simon utters/*The mind-/-of a god/Luke finishes for them/his own mind familiar with the heightened awareness to realms felt and sensed but not seen/but what this anomaly opens is something beyond even his own expanded awareness/bound to Rhyanon before this and acutely aware of the Other—ethereal and ancient power flowing and flooding her sense—not drowning her/too much of her own consciousness keeping this otherness that seems to understand the vehicle of her soul as a medium/channel of communication/she looks on him with a gaze like a thousand suns/he approaches her drawn to rippling purity as she turns like a leaf or floating seed on wind/strands of light shifting to place her gently to the dark floor/palm raised to his/hands encased in light/enchantment in his eyes, alight like fire beneath the vast depths of ocean worlds/*I saw the summer stars fall in your eyes once/*to which he says/memories touching him from beyond a single life/and I promised you a palace in the heavens/the auras of light about each their forms melding and rising into a into a spiraling dance of motion and impossible beauty/*creatures of light we are, not this crude matter/he hears as their lips meet, he hears his old Master’s words even as River’s sweet clear voice, reach out into the glittering void they all inhabit/*We’re Children of Earth and Starry sky*/twirling about the ribbons of light curving about her leaping and spinning form as she circles the Operative with a laugh, aims a strand of winding brilliance to Inara and Mal/her smile a divine blessing as Picard, with the lovely android who shares in her own way of biology and technology coalesced into something novel and familiar, reshaping life’s elemental foundations, quotes an old poem of Earth that Was—still is apparently—*Blake quote*—infinity in a grain of sand/eternity in an hour/Leia*Like the stories across so many sentient cultures, of gods that 

[thealmightynoodle]

alexander hamilshit, bucky Barnes and padme amidala

ALEXANDER HAMILSHIT

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: Writing is his strongest quality and also the only times he’s actually honest.worst quality: Literally everything else about himship them with: the dumpsterbrotp them with: an office waste bin fully of crumpled pieces of drafted lettersneeds to stay away from:  EL I Z Amisc. thoughts: Idk considering he was a real person and a total dick and a half, you gotta admire what he did for the revolution and for the beginnings of America

BUCKY BARNES

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life | I would die for himhotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his dedication to steve and what he believes in to be rightworst quality: pre-tfa he’s p arrogant and cocky. post-tws feeling that secluding himself and going into hiding to be the best option but probably ended up with some more causalities than he had meantship them with:  S T E V E AND M Y  S E L F AND HA PP I NE SS brotp them with: Peggy, Natasha, Clint, Samneeds to stay away from: negativity and HYDRAmisc. thoughts: i j su  T L O V E HIM SO OOOOO M U CH I TM AK ES ME  C R Y. I LITERALLY DO CRY EVERY TIME I SEE REALLY CUTE OR SAD FANART OR HE JUST SHOWS UP IN A TRAILER YOU’LL FIND ME BAWLIN

PADME AMIDALA

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life | MY  W I F Ehotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | *Jar Jar voice *pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: her morale, her intelligence, and her determination to do what’s best for the peopleworst quality: Probably her naivety and trust she puts in people. also the fact that she’s shIT AT HIDING A MARRIAGE THAT NEEDS TO BE KEPT S E C R E T FFS PADMEship them with: O BI  W A N   K E N O B Ibrotp them with: Sabe, Satine, JYN ERSO, Mon Mothma, Bail and Brehaa Organa, R2-D2, and her two precious babies whom she loves very dearly: Luke and Leianeeds to stay away from: A N A K I N AND PALPATINE misc. thoughts: i will forever not accept that she is dead. never. like, no, she somehow was just put into hiding and helped jump start the rebellion and the rebel alliance and anyone who wants to fight me on that can meet me in the back