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#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so
salsflore
·
1 year
Text
ummmm
#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~
#my favorite image on this device btw ^
#cw negative
#cw vent
#you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-
#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so
#but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but
#my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-
#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-
#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-
#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-
#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all
#i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me
#i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-
#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-
#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-
#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?
#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?
#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though
#so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-
#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!
#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol
#everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit
#i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden
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