#.... shit am I gonna fucking make a dissertation about this in the tags?

[snackugaki-jestsjapesjokes]

blep blah, here have some old ass backrooms doodle content when the topic of "the beach episode" concept came up bluhp blooh brain nyooming but art hand isn't arting

i think what is super cute in modern fandom expression that I've seen is that in terms of making OCs or AUs is that sound seems to have a bigger role now than from what I remember when I was young. which I'm thinking has a lot to do with being able to clip audio easily or being able to make multi-track playlists whenever. y'all out here with reels of your art with voice claims and some of the most thoughtfully and artfully crafted soundtracks-- not even playlists, some of that shit is a straight up soundtrack level be real

89% tempted to try one of those shady "free" video/audio editing programs to make a LoFi chill beats study girl visualizer playlist with my iteration's boys ...

anyway gonna contemplate music headcanons for my iteration under the cut

From Turtle Tracks fan letter section, Archie run, #24

so real quick, my iteration is literally just them chilling, hanging out, being together in their mid 30s- early 40s, and then sometimes flashing back to their child/teen years in the 90s because tl;dr i have miiiiiinor beef my childhood turtles weren't quite as "90s" as they "could have been" (nvm I'm cackling at the milennial pop culture refs in Mutant Mayhem drop kicking me back into my adolescence)

but mehehehehe, keeping that they listened to Public Enemy and The Jungle Brothers

and aside from Top 40 musicians of the time... I feel like being outsiders themselves, having to sneak around to explore and learn about people and what's above the sewers had them eavesdropping into a lot of nighttime venues and getting into the underground and various niche subculture scenes that daytime Top 40 didn't play.

cannot tell me the lights, thumping and noise from bands playing hardcore or house or hosting cyphers or raves didn't attract these curious and funky little green dudes like moths to a flame

... Leo definitely fell in deep with the gregorian chant phase, soothing sounds of nature fads , a big fan of Orbital and he fell into that electronic, house, trance, eurodance rabbit hole right after. he also got into Celtic folk music but when his brothers caught his ass studying Michael Flatley to incorporate Riverdance footwork into his ninjutsu he got teased so mercilessly that he took great care to hide listening to it... which just made his stealth better so joke's on them heehoo

Not to mention they're from New York City, the underground music scene is always bangin' no matter the decade; feel like rap and punk got a lot of tracks on their mix tapes back in the day

Raph getting into the metal scene in his own exploring the city trips, and then progressed to music with that boom bap sound (cuz baby boy needs a way to come down off those high intensity moods idk ijs)

Donnie... just the amalgamation of his brothers, he needs that background noise while he's chewing on schematics and protoype development, he would definitely have been the mixtape maker/recording bootlegger (along with Mikey)

Mikey absolutely tagged along with his brothers sometimes whenever they went to their spots for music, though he himself backflipped into ska 'cuz Mikey is always for the people

my tmnt  iteration (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)

tmnt  iteration part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11

tmnt  iteration omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

lny visit 1 | 2

Keep reading

[sipsteainanxiety]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

i was tagged by @coopigeoncoo @andypantsx3 @willowser and @namodawrites to do this lil self fic rec game and after finally sitting down to think about it for a very... long... time... i have done it! thank you all for the tag i kiss you each on the forehead and give you a bowl of sliced fruit<3

after looking at all the wips i have in docs right now, i can definitely say that this list would be completely different if i had finished a few of them, but for now this is my ranked list for things i've published already lol

devil's glare — demon!bkg x reader

bakugou katsuki is a powerful demon that you have the pleasure of dating. but when he pisses you off one day, you decide to get back at him in a pretty petty way: drawing a salt circle around you to force him to apologize 

i had THEE most fun writing this one shot LMAO. it was based on a tiktok of all things that i'd found back when i was still on the app pfft. i just loved the idea of bkg being all surly and aggravated that his little human had purposely drawn a salt circle to prevent him from encroaching on their space. and like... him dealing with wanting to idk kiss you so bad but you're trying to teach him a lesson and he's sooooo mad and fuck, he's gonna do whatever he can to get you to comply to him lmao. if i could draw, there's this one scene where you're wearing this like. cute little set of pjs staring up at this big ass demon, wings unfurled threateningly, snarl on his face, arms crossed with a line of salt in between the two of you. like i have a vision. too bad i can't draw it LMFAOO. maybe one day

2. holding out (just for you) — dragon!bkg x reader

in which you find a horrendously injured dragon in a cave and make it your duty to heal him, not knowing that he’s the infamous dragonshifter, bakugo katsuki, who has been cursed to remain trapped in his dragon form forever—unless the spell is broken

this fic... oh boy. i've been working on this fic since mmm 2021 i think? i can't believe it's been a year since the big bang LMFAOO. i also can't blv this shit evolved from being a standalone to having 3 spinoffs and a sequel but well. here we are. complaints aside i really do have fun writing this fic!! i dunno!! i dont think i'd ever read a dragon bkg fic before and i was like fine i'll do it myself and this happened. i added way too much plot and you guys don't even know about half the worldbuilding and shit i have planned for the sequel HAHA. i can't even talk about it bc it would be major spoilers rn rhrsfjhrjfrjrhjg. it's also been giving me such a rough time lately pfft, especially with having to make sure everything lines up for the spinoffs n stuff. im so afraid of publishing ch4 and having to go back and tweak things bc i havent planned out far enough sdkjfsjkdf. i think it just means i'm gonna have to go on a hiatus or smthn and write out all the spinoffs + ch4 at once idk

3. and i give my all (to you) — merman!bkg x reader

you think you bit off more than you could chew when you decided to do your dissertation on ocean acidification, leaving you stranded out in the open ocean. alone. for months. well… maybe you weren’t so alone after all

this is another fic that i've been working on way longer than it's been posted for pfft. i can't blv the first chapter was released over a year ago LMAOOO i am so sorry. i do like this fic tho bc it's one of the easier ones to write and i go back to it sometimes between writing for dragon bkg lol. like i have the chapters all mapped out, all i have to do is sit down and write em. ch2's at abt 3k rn tho and i hit a spot where i'm like oof i dont wanna write these descriptions dfhdkfg it's just a silly goofy story with merbaku and dealing with some of the subtle intricacies of getting to know a mermaid. actually, fun fact, this originally started off as a fic for jotaro from jjba, back when i was in my jjba era. but then i went back to my bkg era and switched it over. i didn't even have to change much LMFAOO jotaro and bkg act the same sometimes. also!! this is the first fic where i'm like... drawing little doodles for each chapter!! and it's so nice but also i'm like damn wtf do i draw for the rest of these chapters.... i'll figure it out ig

4. loving all the parts of you — pro hero!bkg x reader

in which you learn to love all the prickly parts that make up bakugou katsuki

i.. don't think i've thought about this fic for a very, very long time. but i just scrolled thru the masterlist and stuff and i... really liked writing it (when i was focused on it anyways). it's one of my gentler fics tbh. it's more of a character study of bkg, exploring a different aspect of him in each chapter. tbh i need to go through and reread it and make edits so it can better match the writing style i have now, but i rly liked thinking abt what would make bkg tick as a pro and as a person. and tbh, with what i know now of the manga and anime i think i could go very deep with it pfft. also the banner i made for this fic is so cute LOL. it's not high on my priority list rn bc i have other things i wanna work on, but i do hope to return to it one day.

5. forget me not — pro hero!bkg x reader

When you first woke up, you found yourself in a white room, lights blinding you from all directions. A bit disoriented, you squinted and looked around, realizing you were chained to a chair, your arms locked behind you. In front of you was a poster of a man, muscles rippling throughout his body, a spiky mess of ash blond hair nestled on his head, and striking crimson eyes glaring right at you from behind a black mask. In the upper right corner was the name “DYNAMIGHT” in black and orange letters. As you observed the poster, the sound of a P.A. system suddenly rang into existence, the deep, hoarse voice of an unknown person echoing around you. “Your name is [Name] [Surname],” the voice said without emotion, “and you hate the man named Bakugou Katsuki.”

THIS FIC... THIS FCKIN FIC. i have so much i can say about this fic and i am so sorry for the oncoming ramble pfft. firstly, it's both my baby and my number one fucking enemy. like, holy shit i think it gave me the most paralyzing anxiety and bc of this it took me like 3-4 years to finish (apart from being generally busy of course). i started it literally while i was in high school n applying to college, so of course there are aspects of it that i look at now and i'm like mmm don't like that. not to mention there have been so many things that happened in the anime/manga that i wasn't able to add or delve deeper into!! like the war!! bkg's fcking trauma!! midoriya's quirks!! i was an anime only when i first started releasing chapters (and i still am), so i didnt know about the endeavor agency arc or anything so i defaulted to shit with best jeanist and idkidk.

if i could rewrite all of fmn, i think i would. or maybe not all, but a good chunk of it. like i'd condense the first few chapters probably. i also have a different grasp of bkg's characterization now compared to when i was younger lmao. putting bkg in that specific circumstance (iykyk, i wont spoil it) only happened bc of certain outside factors that forced him into that position. which was how i was able to justify it. but... idk. IDK!! this fic had so many things to it that i was not knowledgeable about so i winged a lot of things without doing proper research (i.e. hospitals, police investigations, general bureaucracy and whatnot) and i feel like this has caused certain plot holes that i am not able to detect, but like.... it's been so long already that i'm too lazy to fix it.

i just really wanted to write about having amnesia but... still having this muscle memory and ache of the person you were in love with. that you can fall in love with them all over again. but, jeez, i put the reader through so much that there's so much... trauma and brainwashing and just rhhrhjrkhrhgrkjg. she's a mess and a half!! and this makes it so difficult to read fmn bc she's so frustrating!! but! at the same time idk it was interesting exploring that kind of ptsd and recovery. i think at my core i love writing about truly heartwrenching topics and horror. i rmb i had the most fun writing about reader's nightmares or that one chapter where she was messing around with illusions. actually- one of the things i would change is the reader's fckin quirk and hero name LMAOOOOO what the fuck i made her so op i basically just smashed together dr strange's and wanda's powers for her pfft. i'd also tweak her personality a little, i think.

i digress. anyways. im in the process of editing all of fmn (just like. writing tweaks. changing the phrasing of certain sentences. adding more fluff to descriptions) and i can really see how much my style has evolved lol. like, i am the most happy and proud of the later chapters, where you can really feel certain emotions with bkg and reader. like... the beach scene, or the stakeout scene, or the party scene!! i think i would also add more substance to the investigation and how being a hero is like post-war. the antagonists as well!! there's just so much that could've been built on, but at the same time... i didn't want to go too deep into it bc i was writing an amnesia recovery story.

flaming aside, i am very glad i was able to pull those plot twists successfully LOL. i loved reading people's theories back when i was still updating it, seeing them question things and being like wait a minute... no way... it can't be... it was an era i will never forget pfft. but... because of that expectation i think i was very nervous to reveal specific things or even write the ending bc i didn't know if people would be satisfied lol. fmn was so complicated and for what sdfkjhs. fanfic shouldnt make you this anxious fr and yet there i was. i'm glad im done with it, but at the same time.. i do miss it.

tldr: fmn is the fic that i am the most proud of but also the most insecure LMFAOO. i do eventually want to get to the extra chapters from bkg's pov for it but... idk. i don't wanna even look at it right now sdhfskdfjsf

thank u all for coming to my ted talk B) i'm sorry if u've been tagged alr in this but here we go anyways!! no pressure tags: @earthtooz @call-me-ko @thecatduet422 @boo-kugo @theloveinc <3

[the-everqueen]

five things you will find in my fics

tagged by @cosmictapestry to attempt self-reflection. i know my ao3 hasn't been updated in a hot second, but there ARE works-in-progress, i just spent the past few months finishing a dissertation. academia got ALL my words for the longest time so we're tiptoeing back into fic. i had to outsource a lot of this to the gf because i am incapable of finding positive things to say about my own writing unless it's a conference presentation (because i'm fucking good at those).

short AF. i ADORE long fics, 10k one-shots, and multi-chapter fics. apparently i am incapable of writing these. it's gonna be under 5k and it's most likely going to be self-contained (unless i'm playing in someone else's sandbox). ya notgirl is a chronic underwriter in all areas of life. at least i stay consistent.

snappy dialogue. this one is courtesy of the gf. i like punchy dialogue and my adolescence spent in writer chat forums means i have an eternal fear of monologues even if i'm good with them in other ppl's work.

background trauma. i don't imprint on characters unless they're Fucked Up, so this is just the natural consequence.

complicated relationships to authority/institutions (this one also courtesy of the gf). sometimes it's god, sometimes it's your boss, sometimes it's the weight of mythos. can you tell i went to grad school.

autism/adhd. it's almost never tagged but it's obviously there. i feel like this needs no explanation [peace sign].

tagging ppl scares the shit out of me, but here's my best shot: @hypokeimena, @persianflaw, @aboxthecolourofheartache, @onion-eyed (you might not know me but i love your fics!). also anyone else who wants to make a List because we love a list in this house.

[eternallysantanassass]

I posted 288 times in 2021

32 posts created (11%)

256 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.0 posts.

I added 128 tags in 2021

#tashia speaks - 21 posts

#batwoman - 16 posts

#anon asks - 14 posts

#quinntana - 13 posts

#supergirl - 12 posts

#gigi ghorbani - 12 posts

#addison montgomery - 11 posts

#wildmoore - 10 posts

#dansen - 10 posts

#dani nunez - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 84 characters

#until the very end they still said we’re besties and y’all crying about being baited

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I am watching DC Fandome and even though I haven’t watched Supergirl in ages. I found myself tearing up. This hasn’t happened since Buffy or Charmed.

Damn it!

9 notes • Posted 2021-10-16 18:17:48 GMT

#4

I am crying. What the actual fuck?! I don’t cry.

But those vows were just so beautiful.

10 notes • Posted 2021-11-10 02:43:56 GMT

#3

My thoughts on last nights Batwoman. I promise not to write a whole ass dissertation and analysis 🤣 (IYKYK). Let’s get into it.

I love love love Poison Ivy Mary! I mean she’s deliciously evil and sexy at the same time. I mean she can wrap me up in vines and get it. What? I have a thing for bad girls 🤷🏽‍♀️

I got that out of my system.

Let’s talk about Batwoman’s entrance into the botanical garden. Oh my god! That was hot.

Anyway, now they knew that following Ivy!Mary to the botanical garden was a bad fucking idea. I get it. You wanna protect your friend, but come on, she controls plants.

Mary reading the Bat Fam to filth was a long time coming. They were wrapped up in their personal shit to see that Mary was spiraling. It took Alice to see Mary was fucked. But I digress.

The Sophie/Montoya hookup was coming. You could see the writing on the wall when Sophie waltzed into Montoya’s office. The back and forth between the two of them. It was highly charged. But points for Renee mentioning the Bat signal, and Sophie saying “they don’t see eye to eye”

Bless Alice’s little cotton socks. She is so chaotic. She loves Sophie in her own twisted way. If Ryan wasn’t going to give Sophie answers, then she will get them herself. Props to her for figuring out what Poison Ivy Mary’s triggers are. I am looking forward to their team up.

Sophie with a blow torch is what I needed to see. Honey is by the books but having her chain a man up in the sewers is pretty damn dark. But she was looking for answers about her sister. Anyone with siblings (who have a healthy loving relationship) go hard for each other. Sophie does that. She can also get it (just saying).

Oh, Luke. You told Mary about not needing your dad and she used it against you. That was harsh, but no man is an island my guy. We all need help. And denying you have PTSD ain’t gonna make it go away.

Ivy!Mary licking honey off that guy was so fucking gross. I don’t ever want to visualize that again. Because ewww.

Sophie throwing women up against the wall is my aesthetic. I am all for her having a hot girl phase, but it’s gonna be at the expense of her relationship with Ryan. Shit is gonna be messy for real. I’m here for it.

I see both Ryan’s and Sophie’s side. On one hand, Ryan wants to protect Jada’s secret, and Marquis until the figure things out. On the other hand, Ryan is trying to protect Sophie from getting involved because she is going to get hurt. Sophie already has a chip on her shoulder because of what happened to Jordan. Ryan is caught between a rock and a hard place. Protect the mother who threw her away like yesterdays trash or protect the woman that I care for. It’s a slippery slope. And it’s hard to find the balance.

I will get into this a little later. I have to go to physical torture. But the bonus is my Physical Therapist is hot and I get a rub down and massage after 😁

15 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 14:09:17 GMT

#2

Watching the GLAAD awards tonight put me in my feelings. The cast of Glee did a beautiful and meaningful tribute to Naya/Santana. I will admit...I cried like a fucking baby. Her mom’s letter was so heartfelt and it made my heart hurt because a mother is still grieving her daughter. But knew how much Naya and Santana meant to LGBT teens.

It’s been 9 months and this shit still hurts.

Okay.... I’m good. Yup, I’m good.

19 notes • Posted 2021-04-09 02:07:25 GMT

#1

Okay, Batwoman got me wanting to come out of fic retirement and write some Mary/Ryan and Sophice. It’s really, really tempting.

80 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 02:04:30 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[spookysshadow]

7 WIPS

Seven? Gurl please. I was tagged by the lovely @seb-verlacs. This is gonna be a joy ride.

1. The Unholy Threesome - So this is um, well. Basically Sebastian and Jonathan have a working arrangement where Jonathan gets to pretend to be Sebastian and Sebastian gets cool science/nerd info about demons for his Demonology Dissertation. You know how we students joke about selling our souls for better grades, well he did that. Um, but Simon may be a bit suspicious, so he ends up involved with their shenanigans, in more ways than one. Yeah. 

2. The Kings of Edom AU - Okay, so like my in this AU, let’s say that Lilith saves Simon from the Seelie Queen and she starts treating Simon as a son, since he has no one. He doesn’t date Maia in this AU because she’s dating Bat and he’s not emotional there yet. Anyhow, Lilith wants Simon to use his Daylighter blood to not only bring JC back but restore his original body, but he has to do so willingly. Long story short Simon helps out the Queeny, and convinces JC to stop his revenge plans and run away to Edom with him. They become the rulers, its a bit badass. I wrote like two parts of it already, so if I ever post it it’ll be a miracle.

3. The one where Seb/JC are roommates - Funnily enough @seb-verlacs and I discuss the dynamics of Goody two-shoes, whole foods, spenders wearing Sebastian and human disaster, who hasn’t cleaned his room in years, JC as roommates at length. Its basically a story of their shared shenanigans. JC brews coffee with red-bull and has no concept of a laundry machine, Sebastian drinks Kale smoothies and does yoga at 6 am. Guess staring all the poor souls who interact with them

4. The Mundane AU - Okay. so this is the Lewistern one that I tend to make a shot ton of moodboards for, some of which haven’t made it to tumblr. Anyhow In this AU JC is a grungy college student with a crush on his little sister’s best friend, Simon Lewis. featuring dad Luke, tired mom Jocelyn, lesbian Clary hitting on girls, oblivious Simon, and emotional constipated JC. Also JC might have pink hair in this, i haven’t decided yet. 

5. The sad one - This is a sequel to a fic I wrote almost a year ago, maybe longer. Where Simon commits suicide, and this is simply the reactions of everyone around him and kind of like a re-examining of all the signs they missed. I’m hesitant to finish it, but who knows.

6.The one where Sebastian Verlac lives because I said so - So I wrote like a small series where Simon saves Sebastian from dyng right after he kills Quinn, and it’s basically a series of two dorks flirting and it’s cute. The next installment is supposed to be where Simon finds out Sebastian is a closet Marvel fan and he like swoons right then and there. It’s cute and not finished because I have two weeks of classes left and finals and I’m d y i n g.

7. The one with Jace’s vampire twin - Okay, so I had just finished watching the VA movie, you know where Dom is Christian Ozera. Okay, so my brain was like, hey what about Simon meeting Christian and them hooking up, and Jace gets hella jealous, and Simon is like stuck in between them, and oops threesome. I don’t really know how to solve the ethical question of fucking your vampire twin, but so far it’s an infant of a fic. 

Anyway, this is my hell. I also have a shit ton more Jimon AUs that may never see the light of day, simply because I don’t know how to finish them, Like the Simon turning into a cat AU I have. Maybe one day I’ll have my shit together, but not in the next three weeks. 

I tag:

I deadass have no idea who to tag. Hmm @enkelimagnus, @grayacejace, @raphaelsantiangel, anyone else who wants to participate.

[secretariatbourgeoisophobe]

so anyway @mlmsamwilson (a true BiconTM) tagged me in this like two weeks ago but bc im trash im only getting around to this now so here have my response to this tag

RULES: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: uk

c // current time: 4:28pm

d // drink you last had: a cool clear crisp refreshing glass of water

e // easiest person to talk to: idkkkkkk probably either beth (@twomore-beers) or amanda (@kryptxns) who are absolute faves and incidentally both also BiconsTM

f // favourite songs: god dont make me do this. meet the plastics and revenge party off the mean girls recording are Classiques (dont judge me i listened to the soundtrack like two days ago and now i am a stan); non-stop (tbh any multiple part musical number) is always a go to; misery business by paramore and reapers by muse will forever own pop-/rock-punk soul as well

g // grossest memory: its questions like this which really make me wish my episodic memory wasnt so shit. uuuhhhhhh watching my biology teacher throw up on a coach across the aisle from me was pretty gross tho

h // horror yes or horror no: horror nahhhhhhh. especially if its to do with eyes. that shit is nasty

i // in love? *insert griffin mcelroy ‘you know ;)’.png* ajksbdkasbd i mean there is this girl i’ve seen a couple of times and i’d deffo like to see where that leads but i mean........B)

j // jealous of people? i can be but not like the angry/guarding jealous more of a “they like the other person more than they like me and i can’t really blame them tbh :////” kinda jealous

k // killed someone? .........not yet......

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again? oh for sure walk by again. i cant see for shit lmao gotta get that extra look in. but like if she’s got that punk-butch aesthetic (you know which one im talking about) then im probs gonna be thinking about her for the rest of the day

m // middle name? bc im a middle class fuck i got two: nathan matthew

n // number of siblings: one.......incidentally, that’s more than i need or want

o // one wish:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ cross taggers to just stop would be nice tho

p // person you called last: a taxi company i think??????? idk i dont call a lot of people. the last person to call me was my mum which went to voicemail bc my phone is a piece of shit and didnt tell me she was calling

q // questions you’re always asked: “what do you study?/what is your dissertation on?” frequently followed up “what does that mean?” or “what do you plan to do with that?”. growing was a lot of “are you gay?”. by my mum “are you ok/happy/alright?”

r // reasons to smile? gorl pretty. sun warm. food taste good.

s // song you last sang: total eclipse of the heart bc i will always listen to spotify’s tbt playlist

t // time you woke up: 10am?????? apparently i was tired this morning and didnt wanna get up

u // underwear colour: grey and burgundy (i think?????????) stripes

v // vacation destination: paris and venice in the spring. jamaica, nyc, bston and sf

w // worst habit: awfully bold of you to assume that i have any good habits

x // x-rays: just one for my arm when i broke it being an IdiotTM and a fair few of my jaws bc apparently it’s nhs policy now????? plus for when i had braces but eeehhhhhh we dont talk about that time of my life

y // your favourite food: can i say chicken???? is that a thing i can say???????? bc it’s always a Good tbh. plus when there are johnny cakes involved too, bakes are almost as good but not quite

z // zodiac sign: taurus. funnily enough it’s also the year of the ox in the chinese zodiac

imma tag @twomore-beers @kryptxns @beccabec876 and @tooextremeforlouisiana to do this bc i love y’all wanna see you do this <3 <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Ro & Ali

Ro: …---… Ro: Mayday mayday Ali: This is AlleyCat, roger your mayday, position is our bedroom, how can I be of assistance? Ro: That was a very efficient response Ro: What would your ETA be for reaching the fantasy section of the library? Ali: Constant vigilance, Rosaline Ali: 15 minutes ish providing the hairy-footed hobbits aren't too thick a crowd to cut through Ali: What's the danger? Ro: Let me preface by saying that I could burn a forest of cedar and do not believe I'd be adequately protected Ro: Now that you're forewarned, I'll explain Ro: Kayne is here because his dear sister is having a party at which he is unwelcome Ro: As if her birthday wasn't already cause for lack of celebration enough, I can now not escape his attentions Ali: Yikes! Not to mention the environmental damage too, and if it's not gonna work, we're defs best to avoid Ali: Also the Librarian would probably think you were blazing up back there and using pages of an old Jilly Cooper as roaches and who wants to be tarred with the same brush as Donovan O'Reilly? Ali: Gross, skip the protection spells and the like and go straight for a swift kick in the balls Ali: How is it he's ALMOST as delusional as his sister? Not in this galaxy or one far, far away, honey, c'mon Ro: Precisely Ro: Not to mention of all days today I chose not to wear black and I don't need the ash blow back to ruin this outfit Ro: He's in no way worth that damage either Ro: Hm! I couldn't possibly do that, though I have pondered long and hard enough to suggest telling him that we'd (providing you and Carly would be willing to tag along, that is) crash the party, only to leave him there and make our escape Ro: Perhaps I'm being delusional myself to create a narrative whereby Laoise isn't hyper alert to our presence upon all occasions Ali: That's what it is, you've let your cover down and he's taken it as an invite! Ali: Though sure, you could probably wear a potato sack and he'd still be mooning Ali: Ha, that would be hilarious though! Rock up with a card and a bottle like, hey babes Ali: Least we could leg it, only a few doors to safety, after-all Ro: Oh Ali! I don't know what he sees in me and frankly do not wish to know Ro: What would be proper attire for a soiree at your nemesis' house? Ro: I'm certain she'd love to see me a potato sack even more so than her brother would, so I'll assume not that Ro: Exactly, why would she ever be hesitate to drink anything we offered or read anything we'd scribbled on a piece of paper which may or may not be a curse?! Ro: Very amusing. Unlike the conversational loop I am currently stuck in Ro: To use the term conversation very loosely, of course Ali: DUH, you're beautiful AND smart, not like other girls! Gag Ali: [Sends multiple options with are a lot of black silk, lace, fake fur and leather moments] Ali: Right? We're the perfect party guests Ali: Been ages since we tried anything dark sided, don't let the chic looks fool ya Ali: Oh Lord, what is he even? Last time I got stopped by him on my way to the post office he was prattling on about some online game and I should join and Ali: I'd feel bad for him but he's also intensely dislikeable and entitled with it all so Ro: Oh god, you're not actually considering putting my pretend party crashing into action, are you? Ro: I'm as tempted right now as I've ever been to dabble in dark arts, but that's solely for his benefit, and my own in ending this interaction, not hers Ro: He's offering to tutor me right now, which I neither need nor believe to be his real intentions in asking Ro: I know I'm not as scholarly as you, but that's why I'd turn to you if I needed assistance, not someone whose scores are not even on a par with my lesser subjects Ali: Of course I am Ali: She knows she misses us, you know I know that you need saving Ali: Win win on many different levels Ali: 😂 Nice try, bud Ali: How cliche, taking too many lessons from bad porn and worse romcoms himself, like Ro: Please no Ro: If you bring an invisibility cloak I may consider it, but otherwise Ro: As for Kayne, I almost miss the days he used to put slugs in my hair Ro: He had the excuse of childhood to blame his cliches on and we had some new pets into the bargain Ali: It all comes down to who you'd rather be fighting off, him or her Ali: Pets, or INGREDIENTS, eh, Leesh? Ro: I just snorted, so score one for appearing unattractive, thank you Ro: If I take off my glasses will that likely add or deduct a point? Ro: But to answer your query, the way I see it, Carly's owed a rematch so maybe we should go to the party Ro: Birthday beatings are a time honored tradition, no? Ali: Welcome, if he gives us room to pull of an anti-makeover I bet I can get that score in the minuses Ali: He's defs into the glasses vibe, makes him think he gives a shit about what's on the inside and your brain, as if you aren't the epitome of beauty still Ali: Ooh, true, true, many scores to settle, rights to wrong...I'll see if she's down or wants her own training montage to counteract yours Ali: Now you're sounding like a McKenna! Ro: But even if I switched to contacts, dyed my sister's hair and went shopping for an entirely new wardrobe, he'd still take my personality as an invitation Ro: As though I crafted any of this to appeal to him, or indeed to repel his sister Ro: Just trying not to lose my own voice here as he mansplains the plot of the novel I was faux browsing Ro: I may take a swing for him if this continues for much longer however, and thank Fearghal later for the lessons Ali: You mean its not him, him its all for him? Shocker Ali: You got two options way I see it (still on the peace path, your soul can thank ME later) Ali: Either outwit him and pick a book he so won't understand and show him up with your superior intellect, easy or hard mode, act infuriatingly dumb 'cos that would dead put him off his ideal of you Ali: like Shakespeare who? Is that the Leo movie? Ro: Both excellent suggestions Ro: And I could indeed wax lyrical about how gorgeous Leo was in that movie until the library closes so Ali: Honestly, proof of angels Ro: Thank you, yes! Ro: Not that it's needed, but if people insist upon being ignorant, there you are everyone Ro: He'd never talk down to me about Trolls and Orcs Ali: Seriously Ali: If our teachers ever got creative with the assignments, then I could too, dissertation READY on how this dirty world of ours has tainted him Ali: not quite fallen angel level of dark deeds but he's certainly aging into a Nicholson and not a Caravaggio Ro: If you keep discussing his visual decline I'll have no need for an escape route because I'll simply burst into loud and dramatic tears Ali: Oh God, don't Ali: He'll want to comfort you Ro: Oh Ro: I never thought of that and I hope the mental image never crosses my mind again Ali: Yeah, that's his shit, worst type Ali: as bad as the boys making you cry, that's right Kayne, I said it Ro: I don't understand why he likes me when you exist Ro: Surely you're his type, as you are the bad boys around here, as well Ro: Sorry Tess Ali: Nah, I'm not as nice as you Ali: thus not worthy of his lurve Ali: Devastated, of course Ro: You're nicer than me, as Carly can attest Ali: Only to those who deserve it Ali: He gotta know that Ro: He believes he is one of the chosen though Ali: As far as I know he's neither Jewish nor Harry Potter so Ali: not that those are MY parameters 😂 Ro: He's proud of not having read any of the Harry Potter books as far as I know Ro: And to think we could ever be together! No no Ali: 'Course he is Ali: HATING POPULAR THINGS ISN'T A PERSONALITY TRAIT, NOR IS IT INTERESTING OR ENDEARING TO PEOPLE Ali: Shouting so he can hopefully hear Ro: I would tell him but I'm so embarrassed by everything he's already spoken aloud that I can barely speak Ro: I have to get out of here Ali: Run baby run Ali: I can do a stellar Ma impression Ali: out of the realm you'd be in trouble but I can ring you with drama like Ali: FUCKING HELL, GET HOME NOW, ROCKY'S ON THE ROOF AND THE CHICKEN'S BURNING AND ALI IS NO HELP AT ALL AHH Ro: Please do Ro: I didn't expect to be asking for an invocation of your mother to get me out of trouble but I gladly shall Ro: And owe you one too Ro: I've been on and off my phone so he can't appear as if it'd be out of the blue Ro: Oh and now I'm rhyming... Ali: Find yourself in times of trouble, Mother Tessie comes to thee, speaking words of wisdom, let it be Ali: On it Ali: Scouse don't fail me now Ro: If you keep making me laugh this plan is going to fall apart Ro: If in doubt, speak angry Gaeilge, he doesn't so he'll never know what you're talking about Ali: Into it

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

[221bshrlocked]

Chapter 18 (Behind the Walls)

Behind the Walls Masterlist

Pairing: Professor!Bucky X Reader

Words: 1,839

Warnings: Intense kissing and thigh riding!

Summary: You are currently getting your PhD in Art History, your dissertation being about The Power of Nudity in Art. Your advisor recommends you switch from being her TA to another professor because she feels her health is declining and wants you to get the best help/advice from someone new. She recommends Dr. James Barnes and believes he will be of great help to you. Things don’t turn out as you plan.

A/N: Let me know if you want to be tagged. Also, look out for smut in the next chapter. Hopefully, it isn’t bad!!

Tagging: @clairefxkingtemple @confidentrose @vashanatasha @your-puddin @shamvictoria11 @gatorgal94 @dreeams-unwind @sandycoelho @bellejeunefillesansmerci @thetruthin @mizzzpink @kashicanhaz @potteryimagines @fantasticimpaladoctor @gashps @nbbuck @maece-rette @harleyscheekheart @pentaholicemmi417 @sorryidontspeakgrounder-world @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x @buckyshattergirl @lostinspace33 @iyanahhhhhh @angel--radio

The week passed by quicker than you thought, considering the fact that you had to proctor 3 exams. You just finished Wilson’s class and were heading to your office when you saw Steve. “Hey Y/N wait up.” He yelled across the hallway and you stopped.

“I needed to talk to you about..uhh...the exams. Have a minute?” He started heading to his office without waiting for your reply.

“Ya sure.” You followed him into his office and he shut the door behind him. “Was there something wrong with them?”

“Oh no no that’s not what I need to...just...okay.” He seemed nervous and you noticed he didn’t want to look at you.

“I’m sensing this conversation is not actually about the exams.” You smiled and sat down in front of him.

“Listen I’m gonna be honest with you and he might hate me for this.” He crossed his arms and sat back on his chair,

Oh.

“Since you told him about Saturday night, he’s been really stressed. More stressed than usual. I’ve never seen him like this before.” When he saw you didn’t say anything, he continued. “It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, believe me he does. It’s just that, in case you haven’t noticed, he’s very possessive with things he cares about. And when he notices he can’t control a particular situation, it usually ends up not running as smoothly as he hoped. So just...maybe try to talk to him about it. I know it’s none of my business but Bucky is an incredibly sensitive guy. I’m sure you know that.”

You kept silent for a while until you saw Steve getting more tense. “Now might be the time to say something!”

“I just...thank you for telling me Steve.” You got up to leave and he stopped you once more.

“So?” He tried to not sound too nosy but he was failing.

“I guess I have no plans for Saturday night anymore...but don’t tell him. I certainly won’t mention this talk.” You smiled and walked out, not noticing that someone was already waiting at the door. You crashed into them and spilled the coffee on your dress.

“Deja vu!” You heard the person speak and looked at him.

“Wow..what are the odds huh?” You laughed and Bucky helped you with your stuff.

“Sorry about that..although you should really look where you go do-” You coughed right when he was about to say that last word.

“Right okay so meet in the office in a bit so we can correct the exams?”

“Sure.”

12:34 P.M.

You remembered you had an extra shirt and jeans in your car so you went to grab them and came back to your office. Shutting the door behind you, you took off your dress to change, failing to hear the door of the larger office shut.

“Hey Y/N did you wanna star-” Bucky entered your office without knocking and froze in his steps when he saw your current state of dress...or undress. You were standing in the middle of your room, wearing nothing but  matching black lace panties and bra. He couldn’t help but check you out and after blinking a couple of times, he quickly apologized and shut the door.

What just happened?

You couldn’t tell how you were feeling at that moment. You should have felt embarrassed but the fact that he couldn’t help himself from looking at you made you feel a tinge of happiness. You put your clothes on quickly and fixed your hair. Walking out, you saw that he was pacing back and forth in the middle of the office and couldn’t help but chuckle. He heard you and immediately stopped in his tracks, dreading to look up at you.

“Doll I’m...sor- I’m so sorry I didn’t thi-” You started walking closer to him and stopped right in front of him.

“You should’ve knocked.” You tried to sound serious but couldn’t and smiled at him. “It’s fine.”

“No it really isn’t I-”

“Bucky seriously you’re supposed to be the grown up one in this relationship. I mean we are going to see each other naked eventually so it’s not that big of a deal.” You didn’t hear yourself saying these words until after you said them. Before you could excuse yourself, you heard him take a breath and relax.

“So...anyway...exams. You have a question about them?”

“Ya umm...I can’t...remember actually what I was going to ask.” He chuckled lightly and it took all you had to not kiss him right then and there, afraid that it would escalate like the last time.

“Let’s start then.”

6:49 P.M.

You managed to finish correcting both classes’ exams since you didn’t finish yesterday. You got up to stretch and noticed that it was raining outside.

“Wow it’s coming down hard today.” You started collecting your stuff from the floor and putting them in your bag.

“Ya.” He stayed seated and just looked at you while you were collecting your stuff. You felt his eyes on you and turned around.

“What?” You motioned with your hands.

“I really am sorry for today. I didn’t mean to-” He didn’t finish the sentence because you were now straddling him on the couch. “And I said it was fine didn’t I?” You kissed his forehead and just stayed there not doing anything. You felt his hands slowly ascend from your thighs to your hips. He was breathing hard and you kept on looking at his eyes and lips, one after another. Taking notice, he slowly inched in and ghosted his lips over yours. You felt his hands gripping you tightly and your hands went straight for his hair.

He pulled away and just looked at you. “You know...your shy demeanor when we’re together and your commanding one in the classroom does things to me. One minute, I’m having a hard time maintaining eye contact with you and the next I can’t help but really look at you.” He smiled and looked down. “Is that a bad thing?”

When you didn’t answer immediately, he looked up and saw something else in your eyes. Something he was afraid to find in that moment.

“It actually turns me on James.” You noticed his expression and change.

“Shit..I thought I told you not to say my name like that.” Before you could react, he went straight for your lips. You gasped and he took that chance to bite your lower lip.

The kiss was more needy than anything else and you couldn’t help but pull on his hair. You groaned at the same time and when you pulled away to breathe, he grabbed your shirt and took it off, throwing it next to him. “Fucking hell Y/N...you have no idea how much I was controlling myself these past hours.” He kissed the top of your bra and pulled you closer.

You pushed him away and tried to grab his shirt when he quickly grabbed your hand.

“STop. Wait just-”

“Please James I need to feel-”

“No Y/N..it’s bad. The scars are large and they’ll disgust you.”

“Do you trust me?” You asked in the most innocent voice you can muster up and he nodded. He let go of your hands and you grabbed his shirt, rolling it off of him and placing it next you. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see your reaction. You traced it with your hand and when you felt him relax a bit, you started kissing him where metal met skin and his eyes shot open. He looked down and saw that you managed to kiss every inch of the scar while continuing to touch it.

“In any state James, you turn me on. And if you think this will do the opposite, then you don’t know me.” He didn’t notice that he was crying until you wiped the tears away. He started kissing you again and you involuntarily moved. Noticing how hard he was, it turned you on even more and you started grinding yourself on him. He pulled away and you arched your back, getting closer to him. He grabbed your hips and moved you so you can straddle one of his thighs.

“You have no idea how beautiful you look right now.” You grabbed his left arm and sucked his fingers, immediately placing it on your breast. He pinched your nipples through your bra, causing you to grind harder on him.

“Fuck fuck James I’m so close..”

“Come on doll cum for me cum on my thighs.” He started moving you faster again and after 2, 3, 4 more times, you came really hard and fell forward, relishing the hot skin contact between your bodies.

Your breathing went back to normal after a couple of minutes and you were embarrassed to look at him. You moved slowly and looked at him. “Jam-”

“Seriously don’t. Let’s make a rule. Bucky during school hours and James at home. Deal?” He had his eyes shut.

“Ok.”

He opened his eyes and saw the blush you had, noticing that it went down to the valley of your breasts and you were smiling...sort of.

“As much as I want to know how far the blush goes, I think we should head out before anyone comes.” You nodded and when you tried to move, you felt how hard he still was beneath you.

“Bucky.”

“Ya?”

“I can...do you want me to take...care of...you know?” He looked down and saw why he was really uncomfortable for the last few minutes.

“Oh shit...umm no no that’s fine you don’t have to.” He tried to get you off of him but you stayed still.

“But I want to.”

You’ve never looked so innocent and he wanted to so badly.

“As much as I want to, I am afraid that if I do this here, it would really be violating the rules.”

He was finally able to get you off of him and handed you your shirt. When he was putting his on, he saw you biting your lower lip and laughed while standing and walking a few feet away from you.

“See something you like Y/N?” He started fixing his hair.

“You’ve been holding out on me. I mean I knew you were seriously ripped but damn. Ever thought of modeling?”

“I could say the same thing about you.” He started collecting his papers.

“What makes you think I didn’t?” The answer surprised both of you and he turned around quickly.

“Did you actually?”

“Yes and no.” You finished collecting your stuff and carried your bag.

“What does that even mean?”

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out.” You laughed and almost walked out of the door.

“Hey wait...when are we meeting tomorrow?”

“Around 10 maybe!?”

“Where?” He busied himself with some papers before you could answer the question.

“Your place...night”

“Good night.”