#...i'm really not

[imtrashraccoon]

If I was clever, I would make a pun, but alas I have not watched the show... Eh? Okay, I'll stop. Um, I wonder if the fight is already over?

@owl-bones

First, Previous, & Next Day

Bad Sansuary II: Nightmare - Lost

Word Count: 619

The moment Balor gave the order, the cultists by the exits sprang into action. Those who were spellcasters cast an armour spell, while the others immediately charged, brandishing their weapons. Balor began to float out of striking range with Donovan leaping over the railing to follow.

You and Dirk elected to charge the cultists, fighting side by side to keep them away from Donovan. Now, you weren't in Balor's immediate line of sight, so you were able to conjure your meteor hammer. Combined with Dirk's bone bullets, this meant you were able to take down two enemies before the spellcasters had prepared their next spell.

Swing, throw, smash, repeat. You started to get into a rhythm, focusing on crowd control to keep the cultists from getting too close. Without needing to be told, Dirk seemed to notice what you were trying to do, and immediately switched up his strategy to support you. Rather than using his dagger up close, he began relying more on his magic to keep the spellcasters on their toes. He still couldn't summon his blaster, but the flurry of red bones he kept flinging at the cultists was making a difference.

You were starting to think this fight was actually possible to win. That is, until more cultists began to filter into the cavern. Then you missed a strike, and Dirk just barely managed to dodge a blow from a cultist with a mace. A stray mote of fire separated you further, and you were forced to attack two cultists at once.

This was fine. You were still able to hold your own, even if you kept having to dodge fireballs and ice spikes now and then. The only problem was that the moment you struck down a cultist, another would step in to take its place, creating a continuous cycle of whack-a-mole. To top it off, you kept having to back up to avoid your opponent's strikes, which was only separating you further from Dirk.

You ended up with your back against the railing and, with limited room to swing your weapon, were forced to pull your dagger and fight paw to paw. You slashed, kicked, and even headbutted the cloaked figures, slowly gaining back your space.

Then you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of a black ray of magic graze your right shoulder. You didn't even see where it ended up. Your vision began to blur, and yet you didn't need it to feel the affected area beginning to dust. The only thing you could hear was your own heartbeat echoing in your ears.

And then you were falling.

You hit the ground hard, feeling a wave of fresh pain envelop your body. How much HP had you just lost? You were still conscious, so you must have a little left, but you knew you were already starting to dust. You could faintly hear Donovan shout, frantically calling your name.

Suddenly, he was at your side, tendrils coiling around your body and clutching you against his ribcage. The cool temperature of his tentacles actually helped to clear the brain fog you were experiencing, bringing the world back into focus. You could hear him begging for you to stay with him and see Balor languidly floating overhead, his central eye trained on the two of you.

"Aw, seems my aim was off. They weren't supposed to still be kicking." The beholder smirked and began to slowly circle around you. "My bad! I'll make sure that won't happen again..."

Donovan grit his teeth, his cyan eyelight desperately scanning your face. "I... I can't heal you... Dearest! You have got to stay awake!"

[estrogenaut]

Something came over me and suddenly I'd made this :3

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

"doesn't this charater under insane stress going through extremely traumatic events realize how inconvenient their irrational emotional reactions are to the people around them?" well, see, you're not gonna believe this, but the thing is,

[jue-jack]

Kirby is a star!!!

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[lazylittledragon]

welcome to my crack au where everything was fine and nothing bad ever happened to anyone

[beif0ngs]

Over the Garden Wall 10th Anniversary stop motion short by creator Patrick McHale and Aardman Animations

[darcyolsson]

in loving memory of tumblr's april fools' pranks 💐 2014 - 2024

icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:

2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it

2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.

2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.

2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.

2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.

2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.

2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.

2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.

2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.

2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )

2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)

2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you gave/received more than 999 boops, the counter would switch to showing a three-letter word (see this post for specifics). this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.

2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess

[w1lmuttart]

The lake town

[hansoeii]

only you.

[synoicus]

I was made to love you, and yet,

Inspired by this observation by a friend:

[plow-and-propose]

I'm just-

we classified the colossal squid in 1925, put together from pieces found in sperm whale stomachs.

we've found them dead or dying or in distress, floating on the surface or entangled by trawlers.

but now

in 2025

100 years later

we finally find one alive and thriving in the deep Antarctic sea

and it's a baby.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I love you Safety Wizard.

(Inspired by @keroascrazy)

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

that article going around abt firefox's new ad program is annoying bc it's phrased as though "mozilla has finally TURNED on its people and is SELLING YOU OUT for cold hard cash!!" when. that's not what's happening. it is specifically being implemented to discourage tracking behavior, and literally all the data they are giving to advertisers is aggregate and anonymized, which is like, the opposite of what that post wants you to worry about, lol

[pngblog]