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binniedeactivated · 4 years

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saint.|| soobin.🌪 (6)

🖤┊𝔰𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱 . ೄྀ࿐ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: 𝖘𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝖘𝖒𝖚𝖙/𝖆𝖚 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙; 3636

“we know that failing a test is bad news but refusing to take one is extremely unacceptable”. sister Agatha commented with her lips going into a thin line. you sat in the empty classroom with your eyes bulging out of their sockets.

“sister you have to understand that i took that test”. you try to explain.

“I’m sorry, our records show that you didn’t. And because of this I’m going to have to give you an F for your test grade”.

“an F? that’s going to bring my grade down to a C!”. you whine, you couldn’t help it, you always felt strongly about your grades even without your parents’ pressure. she raised her lips in that fine line again and shook her head with disappointment.

“I’m sorry but that’s school policy. Next time you have to make sure you’re doing your work and teacher is receiving it”. you huffed your breath in defeat, pulling your bag over your shoulder.

“alright”.

“you may go to your next period class. i’ll be sure to email your instructor about the reason for your tardiness”.

“thank you”. you mumble pushing the door open. I mean that was the least she could do after practically failing you. You knew you turned your quiz in you just knew it. but where did it go?

“let’s go guys! change into your clothes and immediately do three laps!”.

your gym instructor screeches while clapping his hands. you rush to the girl’s locker room to change into your gym clothes. you normally hated gym because it was a time where everyone socialized and gossiped with their friends as they ran laps. You never had anyone to do that with. People would stay away from you in fact, they thought you were way too much of a church girl to be interested in anything.

but to some extent you did. yes you were a church girl but you were also a teenager. gossip was intriguing just as it is for the next person. and you always didn’t mind opening yourself up to new things I mean, take you and soobin for example.

“yeah and he even bought us a hotel for the night”. you heard outside of your stall. you looked through it’s cracks to see Mia, Olivia, and the rest of the schools gossip girls. Olivia squealed. “no way!”. mia fake smiled. “I told you”. mia responded with the sassiest grin. One of the other girls which you knew to be Ava replied, “and what did you guys do?”. she smirks. Mia laughs as if there was too much to even explain. “We fucked like there was no tomorrow”. she said in a low whisper that had the rest of them go into an uproar.

you thought quickly to yourself, was she talking about soobin?

“I knew soobin was rich but i didn’t know he’d be booking hotels and shit”. olivia stated. “girl when i say filthy rich? the choi’s are loaded you must know that”. Mia responded. you felt your blood boiling. so they were talking about soobin.

“Girls! Out of the locker rooms and onto the track lets go”. the gym instructor yelled from the door. They quickly pack up and make their exit as do you when the coast is clear. you tie your hair up quickly and get to running. you were never the best athlete and you knew that but you always tried your hardest in gym class. especially since you’d already have to be spending your time trying to make up for the C you were about to receive.

“ugh look at that bitch”. mia scoffed glaring over at you while she was halfway around the track already. athlete of the year award goes to the track star mia howard. she already didn’t like you because of soobin but reminiscing on last night, she couldn’t help but to hate you even more. you probably put soobin up to setting her up. you were the mastermind because you wanted him just that much. and no one could make up Mia’s mind, saints weren’t always saints. especially you.

running past you she couldn’t pass up her opportunity to put her leg out while you weren’t paying attention, leaving you a stumbling mess as you tripped and landed straight on your face. she was the first one to laugh loudly with her friends to quickly follow. soon though, everyone in the gym was running past you and either giving you a sorrowful look or straight up laugh in your face. you didn’t know which to feel first, the pain that sprouted in your knees and face or the embarrassment of your entire gym class.

“hey guys enough! the next person to laugh at this poor girl is getting detention and i mean it!”. he rushes over to you while the class finishes their laps around the track. “Are you alright?”. you try your best to get up, your knee was practically throbbing and your face wasn’t calming down either. you shake your head no.

“I’m going to write you a pass to the nurse alright?”. he assures, grabbing a pen and quickly filling out the slip before handing it to you. you mutter a soft thank you as he helps you to your feet. luckily the nurse’s office was only down the hall so you wouldn’t be limping too far.

“grab him soobin hurry up!”.

Michael urged while they were in the bathroom. soobin grabbed ahold of the cowardly boys’ collar and threw him to the floor.

“you were the same guy talking shit about me on your ‘anonymous’ twitter account right?”.

the boy began squirming on the floor trying to escape soobin’s grip but fails horribly.

“no it wasn’t me i swear man!”.

michael reaches down and punches him in his jaw.

“don’t fucking lie i know a lot of people and they told me about you”.

he held his jaw in pain, blood leaking onto the disgusting floor that was inches from his face.

“don’t worry though. since they told me about you, I’d like to personally tell you about myself”. michael snarls while unzipping the front of his pants. Soobin holds his ankles so that he wasn’t able to go anywhere while michael pisses on his face. Soobin laughs at the boy squirming because of the stinging sensation. He thought it was funny how frantic he was about it. when michael was finished he kicks the boy in his stomach.

“i dare you to say some shit about me again”. he snarls again. soobin grins following him out of the bathroom door. “That kid is going to smell like piss all damn day”. soobin jokes and michael laughs. “That’s his fucking fault. no one told him to be such a pussy and talk shit on social media rather than my face”.

“so? how was she last night?”. soobin asked smirking. “ridiculous. she did everything we told her to do. it was fucking amazing. best night of my life”. soobin shakes his head and laughs.

“hey soobin I dm’ed you on instagram, did you see it?”.

some random brunette girl walking passed them both had asked. and to be honest soobin never saw her before in his life. And he was barely on his socials unless drama was occurring.

“what makes you think I’d respond to anyone who looks like you?”. soobin counter, leaving michael to playfully push him in full fledge laughter. The girl frowns and continues her journey down the hall.

“hey man that was fucked up”.

“oh really? didn’t you just pee on someone?”.

michael was set to reply until he saw you turning into the nurses office down the hall.

“hey isn’t that the religious bitch you be talking to?”.

soobin met his gaze and saw you through the nurses’ office windows. oh shit. he thought.

“i’ll be right back”. michael was smirking hard but soobin was too focused to care.

“yeah right. I’ll catch you next period man”. and with that they both parted ways. the nurse advised you to sit down to keep you from putting so much pressure on your knee while she went to get you some knee wraps.

soobin knocks on her open door catching your attention easily. and yes, he had that stupid grin on his face. he slid into the chair beside you.

“what are you doing in here?”. he asks, was it scary that he looked genuinely concerned?

“I tripped and fell in gym class today. My knee hurts bad. And my face aches”.

Soobin reaches over and touches your knee re-sprouting your pain. you slap his hand.

“ouch soobin! why would you touch it?”. you wince. The nurse sashays her way back into the room and peers over her glasses at soobin.

“Excuse me Choi soobin? Do you have a reason for being here?”.

“Because I want to be here”. soobin snaps with attitude in his tone.

you nudge him.

“you don’t have to be rude about it soobin”. you mumble. he rolls his eyes.

“I meant-- i’m just making sure she’s okay. Im not going to be in the way. I’ll bring her back to class when she’s finished”.

“that was more like it”. she conceded before pulling a stool over to assist you. He wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but he wouldn’t take it that far since you were around.

you wince as she lifts your skirt a bit more to wrap the bandage around your knee.

“what are you checking on me for anyways?”.

“because why not?”.

“because you tried to act like you didn’t like mia. I heard you guys had a good time last night”. soobin glanced at her with a confused expression.

“I took her out to eat. we didn’t do anything if that’s what you think”.

“that sure isn’t what she was telling her friends in the locker room today”.

soobin thought to himself, mia was a filthy liar.

“she’s lying. we didn’t do anything”.

you hum as the nurse finishes your bandage. you had to say when it was wrapped it felt way better, you thanked her gratefully. “there you go honey, and here”. she reaches back and grabs a small baggie with two tablet pills on the inside. “I recommend you take these for your face okay?”. “yes thank you”. you stand to your feet. Your knee wasn’t totally healed but you could definitely walk better than you did before. Soobin just watches you limp your way to the hallway, he grins. “Are you sure you can walk the whole way?”.

“yes soobin I got it”. he gives you a head nod and walks beside you before he got tired of your limping. He stooped to your level and turned around. He pats his back. “come on, hop up”.

“soobin I got it”. he shakes his head. “no you don’t”. “yes I do”.

he turns around at you and sighs. “stop being a baby come on”. “I’m not being a baby”. “just let me carry you”. “why would I let you carry me when I have legs?’.

soobin playfully rolls his eyes before he wraps your arms around his neck himself and stands up. He curls your legs around his body. it made you feel like a child again, you haven’t had a piggy back ride since you were much younger.

“soobin i don’t know why you’re doing this”. you complain.

“Shh. doesn’t it feel much better?”. he asks turning his head to look back at you with that dumb grin again. You roll your eyes and laugh. he was such a doofus.

“you’re annoying”. you reply. He starts heading towards your calculus classroom.

“I’m annoying? you’re getting better with these compliments”. you playfully smack his head and he laughs of course like he always did.

“I mean at first I was a prissy little jerk but I’ll take annoying any day”. you hit his head again and laughs. You were finally there and he lands you carefully, making sure not to put any pressure on your knee. you swing your bag over your shoulder with an eyeroll, he folds his arms.

“thank you soobin”. you roll your eyes pretending to be annoyed.

“you’re welcome. work hard”. he calls out after you. And you did of course, still trying to account for the C that you were going to have. You weren’t the best math student but you were determined and that’s what really mattered. Having courage in the face of hardship always made you feel good about yourself.

but you know what else made you feel good for some odd reason?

soobin waiting by the door for you at dismissal. It was weird, you just walked out of the room and he was just standing there like a valet or something.

“can I help you?”. you inquired raising an eyebrow. he gives you a side smile before squatting down again, patting his back.

“soobin I can walk I swear”. he sighs again before taking things upon himself and putting you on his back anyways. secretly you were kind of grateful though. the hallways were always hectic during this time and it was kind of interesting seeing things from this height.

he cut through the crowd easily and went into the school parking lot heading towards his car. “where are you going?”. you ask only to get no response. He opens his passenger seat door and positions you there before closing the door behind you and sliding into the driver’s seat.

“tell your mom you’re signing up for a club or something”. he suggests and sticks his key in the ignition.

“why?”.

“because you’re not going home right now”.

“why not?”. you coax again. And soobin is just silently driving like you weren’t speaking to him. He was being a jerk so you slapped him on his wrists.

“why not soobin?”.

“hey hey calm down. i’m going to take you somewhere”.

he gives you a few glances noticing your mood wasn’t exactly up to par.

“what’s the matter? why are you upset?”.

you fold your arms watching the scenery that sped past your car window. Soobin laughs.

“so now you’re going to ignore me?”.

you finally breathe, “I’m not ignoring you soobin”.

“then what’s the matter? you can tell me”. you take a glimpse at him and give up trying to hold it in.

“I’m just... stressed because sister agatha is saying that I didn’t turn in my history exam when yesterday I literally worked so hard on it and turned it in I just--and then she didn’t even feel sorry that she was about to give me an F. She was just going to give it not even caring that my grade will drop. My parents will kill me if I have a grade lower than a B. And then I fell in gym class today and my knee hurts and i got embarrassed by the whole class. literally everyone laughed at me. the only person who tried to help me up was our instructor. It was so humiliating soobin”.

“damn. that’s a pretty stressful day”.

“well you wouldn’t know. it’s not like you care about your grades and everyone in the school either loves you or is scared of you so they’d never laugh at you for anything embarrassing so I don’t know why I’m expecting you to understand”.

“none of that means that I’m not sorry that those things happened to you today”.

“i’m not some charity case soobin you don’t have to feel sorry for me”.

soobin listened and nodded. you seemed pretty upset about your day so he didn’t want to bother you any further. he parked his car next to a place that was shaped sort of like a barn. you had no idea where you were, you just had soobin opening the passenger seat door for you convincing you to take another piggy back ride.

“soobin, I can walk”. you attempted to step a foot out the car but soobin grabs it instead and squats down, bringing your arms around his neck again and your legs around his body. venting to soobin made you realize what a messed up day you had so you were too upset to fight back. he carries you to the front of the building and you noticed it happened to be a parlor built into the shape of a barn.

“what kind of ice cream do you want?”. soobin questions trying to get a good glance at the menu from his position in line.

“soobin you don’t have to do this. it’s fine”.

“i’ll just order you something to try”. he assures before it’s his turn in line. He orders strawberry ice cream for himself and rocky road ice cream for you. The guy hands him two waffle cones with spoons stuck in both. soobin decides to make good use of the colorful benches outside. Plus it was too beautiful and sunny of a day for the both of you to sit in his car. He parks you on the bench before he sits down himself. He slides you on his lap, making sure your legs were propped up properly with his knee. With his ice cream in one hand and yours in the other he takes a spoonful of your ice cream.

“here comes the plane! wooooshh!”. soobin baby talks and flies it near your mouth. you sat with folded arms trying your hardest not to smile.

“soobin I’m not that injured”. soobin stares at you before he goes into the biggest smile as if you told him the greatest news ever. he pushes air through his teeth trying to mock the sound of a plane engine. he jiggles the spoon lightly to make it seem as though the plane was patiently waiting.

“say ah”.he coos like you were six months old. you roll your eyes opening your mouth so he could he stop being so cute. The ice cream was creamy and the chocolate was rich. The nuts and marsh mellows inside of it made it even tastier. you hum in satisfaction.

“is it good?”. he asks while taking a napkin and wiping the corners of your mouth. “I’ve never had rocky road before”. he comments again before licking his own ice cream. You watched his hair tousle over in the breeze. His doughy cheeks and eyes always looked cuter up close.

“so you didn’t take me home because you wanted to eat ice cream?”. you say, while soobin prepares to feed you again. you let him because in all honesty, it was the cutest watching him do it.

“yeah”.

“but why?”.

“choo choo!!”. soobin whistles and drives the spoon in your mouth again. You laughed because it actually looked like he was having fun making the noises.

“why? because your knee hurts and you’re having a bad day today”. you make a confused expression to which soobin replied,

“is it bad?’

“I’m wondering why you’re not being a prissy little jerk”. soobin licks the ice cream off his top lip.

“hey today you called me annoying. you’ve upgraded me so i’ll no longer be responding to prissy little jerk anymore”. the both of you laugh in unison. he starts to rub your knee. which reminded you,

“hey how’s your back?”.

soobin shrugs and preps your spoon again.

“It’s still sore I guess but it’s alright. I’m not used to getting beat but I’m used to the wounds”.

“you’re not used to it?”.

“well no because that shit hurts. it always does. It’s like 15 whips going across your back at once”.

“how come you’ve never told anyone?”.

“my parents are one of the richest people in this stupid ass town. they fund everything here. try telling everyone that the two people the town loves the most is abusing their son. they will all just call me spoiled and then my parents would beat me to death probably”. you wince at the image.

“ouch”.

“yeah, ouch”. he makes a small beeping noise while landing the spoon in your mouth again.

“but what about your parents? they seem way nicer than mine”.

“really? how so?”.

“well for starters they’re home waiting for you right now”.

“well i guess in that aspect but they’re just as religious and strict as yours. only thing is we don’t have one billion dollars to our name or something”.

“i’d rather take that route”.

“huh?”.

“yeah. having people around that constantly shows you love; I think I’d give up most of the things I own for that”.

“is that why you’re such a menace? because you want love?”.

soobin stays silent and eats the rest of the ice cream off his spoon. he could’ve been silent all he wanted, but you knew the answer to that question. you rested your hand at the top of his head and lifted it so that his eyes were now on yours. Like you always predicted the stare was far more intense this time around. his brown eyes always comfortably made themselves at home in yours. And it was never an unwanted visit, you gladly accepted them each time, which made the stay better.

you couldn’t feel his heart rate but you knew it was synchronizing with yours. you were more in tune with him this way than any other way. and slowly but surely you landed one right on his strawberry ice cream flavored lips. it made them much sweeter and tastier which resulted in swiping over his lips with your tongue as you kissed him. He was quite surprised to see your growth. you pulled away though, not wanting it to lead any further with your knee being hazardous.

“thank you for kissing me”. soobin addresses.

and you had no idea what it meant. of course he was saying thank you. but why?

#choi yeonjun #choi soobin #choi beomgyu #choi soobin smut #txt #txt au #kpop #kpop au

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memoriashell · 4 years

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with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters / Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

#tokomaru week 2021 #tokomaru #toukomaru #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #touko fukawa #danganronpa #udg #dr:ae #* zhi writes #glad to have the excuse to finally post something w/ these girls.#i have several long wips w/ them w/ no motivation to finish :/

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i-dont-want-your-hysteria · 4 years

Text

The Leppard Albums: A Summary

(inspired by Every Beatles Album)

Happy Saturday night everyone

The Def Leppard EP

Joe is 19 and just wants to ride a motorcycle okay

Groupie fantasy

Zeppelin lyrics meet Rush with an underappreciated bass line

On Though the Night

IT'S!!! ROCK!!! N ROLL!!! BABEY!!!

Joe is 20 and just really doesn't wanna work in a factory anymore okay

pls D; girl D; stop D; hiding D; your D; pain!!

another... groupie fantasy... I think? ...???

Leppard in Space

Joe is 20 and just wants to write something edgy okay leave him alone

STEVE 👏👏👏 FUCKING 👏👏👏 CLARK!!!! 👏👏🔥👏🔥👏👌👌

the original groupie fantasy but it's been re-recorded

girl?? make up?? your mind???

let's be mysteriously edgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zeppelin lyrics meets Rush but it's been re-recorded (but don't worry they still kept the underappreciated bass line)

High N Dry

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it

we have Mutt Lange now and this is the song that proves it

drONK TIEM

betcha didn't think we could write a ballad, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STÊVË!!!!! 👏👏👏👏 FÜCKÎÑ!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 C L Ã R K!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👌👌🤙👏👌🔥👌🎉🎉

underappreciated and that's all there is to it

noooo don't go you're too mysterious and sexy hahhaha

oh god Dx oh god no Dx we don't sound like this anymore we swear Dx

betcha thought we stopped writing Beowulf-esque pop songs didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🚫🚫⛔👎🚫🙅‍♂️👎🚫⛔🙅‍♂️⛔ *Joe tearing his throat up for 2 solid minutes*

Pyromania

IT'S ROCK!!!!!! N ROLL!!!! BABEY!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!! AGAIN!!!!! 😆😆😆

the Classic Rock Fandom™ in a nutshell 😓

INTRODUCING PHIL 👌👌👌 FUCKING👏👏 COLLEN 🔥🔥🔥

betcha thought we abandoned the idea of doing a ballad didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joe's back at it again with the edgy songs and is getting a lot better at it too

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ∆ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gunter 🙃 Glieben 🙃 Glauchen 🙃 Globen

the most underappreciated song on this whole entire fucking list sorry I don't make the rules

Alright, WHO in this band wants to be in a porno >:C

Joe's back at it yet again with the edgy songs but it's even BETTER this time

Hysteria

Girls Girls Girls ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS ANAKIN

🎸we!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!!! and african drum rhythms!!!!!!!!!🥁

we're not furries we swear we're just kinky D: also fuck you DJs here's some false endings

we haven't made a ballad that HURTS yet so here we go (with an underappreciated bass line)

the song that invented "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" (AKA when you cram for a test the minute before and end up getting 100%)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

S T E V E 😭👏👏 F U C K I N 😭😭😭 C L A R K 👏👏👏😭👏😭

nooo don't shoot me you're too kinky hahaha

a song about rioting and being #punk, but the only crime the man singing it has ever committed was getting a speeding ticket when he was 19/20

oh. oh shit. oh god. holy shi- I can't believe... ...we just accidentally made the most perfect song to ever exist :o like seriously- people are achieving nirvana as we speak I'm not joking I think we went too far with the perfection this time guys

THIS SONG IS ABOUT S E X AND WE AIN'T BEING SHY ABOUT IT EITHER LET'S FUCKIN GO BABE-

Don't 👏 give 👏 me 👏 love 👏

Adrenalize

gkKLglldlflhlADKSLALLFLSS 😆😆😆

I fucking love my wife uWu

fkKMglgllsLLslgflephpGLDLPT 😆(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)😆

We're just gonna get extremely romantic and passionate for 4 minutes and 3 seconds if that's alright with you (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

this album was the most painful thing any of us have ever had to do, so here's the most serious song we've ever done to date. Steve ✊ Fucking ✊ Clark ✊ -n-

now that our mental breakdown is over, we're gonna get extremely passionate and romantic again but for a lil longer this time aiight 🤙

one of us has a protection/ownership kink but we're not gonna tell you who

you know what this album needs? a little bit more pain

we're layin down the line (and by that we mean we want sex)

we're layin down the line pt.2 (we still want sex btw)

Retro Active

Beowulf songs are back babey 🤙

I'll say that again if I have to^

we!!! still!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!! we even covered something to prove it!!!!!!

Joe has now officially mastered ballads

I fucking love my wife part 2: she's a badass top

While Joe was off mastering ballads, Phil studied the blade

We covered something else bc again!!! we fucking!!! love!!! glam!!!

We rewrote Joe's motorcycle song bc we now realize it was cringe af (and it was an excuse for Joe to talk to Ian Hunter so that made him happy)

Joe has now officially mastered edgy/serious songs

it's a total bop but oh god. No. Please. No. Oh God. No. Don't. Please. No. Pls. No. Oh god. Don't.

This should've been on Adrenalize and you can Fight Me On That

Phil studies the blade (electric version)

Joe masters ballads (electric version)

Vault (there's only one new song on here so that's all I'm doing)

babe nooooo D';

Slang

Epic edgelords part 1

Epic edgelords part 2: Phil wrote it this time

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 2: Electric Bugaloo

soft breakdown :'c

hOT DOGGITY DAMN JOE'S VOICE HOLY HELL TAKE ME N- *clears throat* I mean introducing Vivian Campbell :3 aND THERE'S A BASS SOLO MMMM 🤤🤤👌 THIS SONG IS JUST SEXY FUCKIN LIFT ME UP AND-

Phil's marriage isn't going too well

in fact, no one's marriages are going too well

severely underrated bop

We're still not over Steve's death and we never will be :c

Joe makes edgy ballads his bitch yet again 👏👏

severely underrated banger 🔥🔥🔥

Euphoria

wE STILL MAKE FAST BOPS IN CASE YOU FORGOT 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Holy shit I didn't know Joe could hit a note that high

The 90s sucked for us but we'rE STILL HERE BICH 🖕

Can we pls give Sav more songwriting space on albums thx 😭💗

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 3: Even Sluttier This Time 😏

totally different from everything we've ever done and WE 👏 MADE IT 👏 OUR 👏 EDGY 👏 BITCH

uwu but it's sad so it's actually umu

partying like it's 1999- oh wait, it actually is 1999

*hugs Viv and scREEEEEEEEAAAMMS*

Phil studied the blade and attacks you with it

*gets escorted into the back of a police car* IM GUILTY!! I'M GUILTY!!! I'M NOT INNOCENT!!! 😫😫😫

whatever edginess we couldn't fit into Paper Sun we put into this song instead

we're entering the new millennium as Kings and there's nothing you can do about it 👑🖕

X (Ten)

Stand on a balcony at sunset when you listen to this one

(insert Vizzini saying "INCONCEIVABLE" here)

the big UwU

I got ghosted and it’s actually a lot more dark and depressing than I thought also I wish I was never awake

soft and edgy and sad acoustic dads

F-U-C-K SPELLS F- I mean L-O-V-E spells love uWu

babe nOOOooO I'm sorry I suck so much DD;

this sounds like out if Work It Out and Day After Day had a kid

we're gonna have a Funky Good Time whether you like it or not 😎

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2

we can't decide if we want this album to be edgy or uwu so we're gonna make it both

the same passion as Tonight but less sexy and more (you guessed it) uwu

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2 P A R T 2

Betcha thought our emo phase was over didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah!

bops have been and will ALWAYS be something we have mastered- even if the song we're playing isn't ours

SAV'S TIME TO SHINE

betcha thought we couldn't cover a Blondie song, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil's just getting nostalgic about London it's fine 👍

don't worry joe's still sCREAMIN

in which we make this song a million times better than the original

WE LOVE ROXY MUSIC SO MUCH WE CANTEXPLAINWEJUSTLOVEHEMRMFLGPHPH

we're letting Joe have his moment ok just let him have this 👨‍🎤

yeah we like Free- so whAT??

okay NOW we're letting Joe have his real moment- he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was like 12 okay just. let him. have this just. this one time. pls.

in which we confuse literally everyone by making them think this is a song that we wrote

we just need ONE more bop, okay? Just ONE more we swear then we'll stop being fanboys (for now...)

we'll be right back, it's Bow Down To Thin Lizzy Hour

*Phil tearing up his throat for 4 and a half solid minutes*

Songs From The Sparkle Lounge

this one's actually kinda dark and heavy? :o

honky tonk time 🤠🤙

FINALLY ONE OF SAV'S SONGS IS THE MOST POPULAR SONG OFF AN ALBUM 🙏🙏🙏🙏😩

FINALLY WE HAVE MORE SAV MATERIAL I LOVE IT SM ;∆; !!!!

Phil's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

it's time for one (1) badass religious song and if you don't like it then you can Fuck Off kindly 🙃

This whole album is "Songs That Were Written By Phil and Viv and Sav" heaven

I think sometimes people forget that we, even as a band, are fans of the Classic Rock Fandom™ too, and we feel the same pain as the other fans :'^)🤙

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album part 2

Viv's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

Mirror Ball (bonus tracks)

we grabbed fate by the balls and screamed fUCK YOU 🖕🖕

We are still Kings™ in case anyone was wondering 👑🖕

✨PHIL BELIEVES!!!! IN!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!! AND!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!✨

Def Leppard (Self Titled 2015)

Is this song about playing a live show? Probably. Is it also about having a fight? Is it also about angry sex? The world may never know.

Okay this one just absolutely SLAPS, periodt.

bootleg Another One Bites The Dust

*SOBBING* THEY'RE ALL SINGING LEAD I'M-

being badass, That's The Power Of Love

don't worry, we still know how to be Poetically Edgy

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm *bump bump* hooked on a feeeeling

I've Got a Spiritual Romantic Boner

Can't Keep Away From The Flame edginess gets crossed with some Zeppelin charm and badassery

someone in this band is fucking piSSED 😠😠😠😠

we're gonna @ someone tonight fellas

sAV OH MY GOD BABYYYYY 😰😰😭😭😭😭 DO YOU NEED A HUG

what if we tried to cross newer Metallica with Nickelback 🤔

what if we turned this into We All Need Christmas three years from now... 🤔

Bonus: Personal Jesus/We All Need Christmas

Viv really wanted to cover ABBA but everyone said no so he settled for cowboy goth™ instead

What better man to write a warm and fuzzy Christmas song than the warm and fuzziest man alive (Sav)

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

Note

(part 1) this is random but something im curious about is do you think the next few years will see a radical shift in more lead lgbt couples in shows? i feel like when supernatural started it was all about subtext/queerbating between characters we would never see canon (maybe), the last few years have seen an update in more side lgbt characters/couples and while not a lot, more main lgbt characters then we had before. I don't know if tumblr/twitter fandom translates to general audience...

Yeah, I mean, the only way is up. I feel lucky that I managed to encounter a fair amount of queer content in my formative years, whether targeted programming on TV, or taking the route of not really differentiating the perceived cultural value of independent media like webcomics and webnovels etc from the mass media as I was young enough to naturally grow up on the internet as the internet itself was growing up and web 2.0 was pretty much taking off alongside my use of the internet. And that I had liberal parents who didn’t regulate our internet, and lived in a community where culturally I didn’t really fear being discovered casually accessing all this like in particularly this terrifying seeming evangelical christian community in America.

Which really makes me feel like A: everyone should feel that comfortable in themselves via the media as I did as a mass accessible thing or B: that the world at large should be soaked in as much representation and more that I encountered as a curious teen because at the very least it did me no harm and at best helped handhold me through an awful lot.

And then brings us to the problem that the world isn’t actually like that and for a lot of people their media is restricted one way or another, from everything such as the era of social media weirdly making us much LESS broadly travelled on the internet as I was back in the day (SO many bookmarks - I had like 100 that I would check either daily or on their weekly update schedule, with enough habit that I had pretty much memorised it all without using an RSS feed or just following everyone’s twitter and waiting for update announcements, never mind the vast pit of things which I occasionally checked to see if their sporadic but very worth it updates had occurred somewhere in the last month/year) to the vastly overwhelming amount of media accessible to us. It seems almost to flood the market and creates this panic about watching the worthiest shows and campaigning for them and raising awareness and the FOMO and how things slip by and zomg you have to watch this that and the other, when even just making this list on Netflix now contains more hours of TV than a human lifetime and also one liable to disappear from the service at some point or another without warning.

And then on top of that you have the absolute cultural monoliths that if you’re not going to have a cohesive culture - which now includes the entire population of the world because of our connectivity on the internet and mass-joining of services - based around smaller shows and stuff, then at the very least everyone is going to watch anything under the main Disney umbrella, other superhero flicks, animated things, and all the really big studio franchises and remakes, as well as a few TV monoliths which manage to get enough people talking to make it seem like “everyone” (again - these days it seems like that’s presumed to be the entire western world plus everywhere else these things air) are watching, like Game of Thrones or whatever… THESE properties are the inescapable ones and on that basis they’re the things we have to lean on the most for representation and then again barely get any, when it comes to gender and sexuality, due to them shooting for such worldwide markets that they can’t imply gay people exist to censors in places such as China. And it exposes the cultural awfulness inherent just in getting a white female character in the lead role of some things, or the absolute garbage fire lurking underneath that if you dare have a black stormtrooper or make one of your female ghostbusters black when you’re already ruining the childhoods of so many how dare…

In those respects, having side characters who aren’t even major well-known superheroes or jedis or ghostbusters or whatever also be gay (because even well-known lesbian Kate McKinnon didn’t manage to get her ghostbuster to be canonically gay even if we All Knew) would be absolutely groundbreaking, even if it was, like, a role that could be snipped out for the Chinese market or something. And that’s probably exactly what would happen, and cue ensuing riot from whichever fandom, along with everyone rightly pointing out that even for us who got to watch it it was still a tiny side character… I mean Disney is still at the stage of what they did with Beauty and the Beast’s ~canonical gay character~

So yeah… that’s thrown back to TV and smaller movies to lead the way and because the generations showing most likely the real global percentages but actually just the young western world stats on queerness in any form (like… 25% instead of 1% or whatever and that’s STILL probably too low) are still teens to young adults. The previous gayest generation above them are still just arriving in power and settling in, and the excellent changes we already have from the generation before that is what we are seeing now... But given THEIR cultural context, even their best can still seem to younger eyes, moderate and not generally placing queer characters in lead roles except in niche or indie or otherwise “acceptable” places to take those risks. I think change is always coming and culturally each generation being more open and accepting that the last is really making changes and so on, hopefully things WILL change rapidly and what was the common state of affairs in the sort of indie media I consumed as a teen will be the mainstream soon because a lot of those creators 10 years later are kicking off…

All that said, TV in the mainstream is still controlled by Mark Pedowitz types exercising their power over the Bobos who have their Wayward Sisters pitches with the clearly labelled main character for the main teen demographic being queer. The culture is very much that we’re now pretty open and can happily have queer characters, but the main characters are still largely held separate. A good example is Riverdale, which is on the CW, a newer show with writers such as Britta Lundin, who is young, queer, and wrote a novel blatantly based on being a Destiel shipper and fan interacting with the cast and crew in fandom spaces, and whose first solo episode of Riverdale featured a looooot of the gay stuff (yay).

But while she’s a story editor and writer for the show and can use it as a platform for writing stories for its audience using a whole range of canonically queer characters, the show still keeps all 4 of its mains at a strict remove from this. Cheryl can come out as a lesbian in the second season after a lil ho yay in the first but no clearly marked storyline about her identity, but even though Betty and Veronica kissed in the first episode it was blatant fan service (for Cheryl in-story, lol) and mostly just set the tone that they are the sort of seemingly straight girls kissing for attention while having strong romantic or physical attraction to guys. In the second season the kiss comes up again in joking that Jughead and Archie are the only ones of the main 4 who haven’t kissed, Archie gets one planted on him by a dude as a “judas kiss” moment of betrayal in season 3 and he and Jug are teased that they were expected to get together because they were close but in the same sort of homophobic undercurrent tones as early Destiel snarking from side characters, seemingly less about their relationship and more to unsettle them with implications… I mean it was a complicated moment but in the long run it didn’t seem entirely pleasant to me, especially given the overall emotional state they were in and later plot etc etc. (My mum is 1000% invested in Riverdale now as a former Archie Comics reader as a kid so this is now my life too as I was in the room when my brother callously exposed her to it, hi :P)

Anyway that’s just one case study but aside from SPN it’s probably the most mainstream teen demographic thing I watch… Other examples would be things like B99 which had Rosa come out as bi and that’s awesome, and made us all cry a lot, but Jake, the clear main character even in a very strong and well-treated ensemble, has a great deal of bi subtext, there’s no way given Andy Samberg’s apparent habit of ad-libbing MORE progressive jokes that he’d ever be intentionally harming people if that’s how his brain works (you know, like other people quick-fire offensive stuff from their mouth working faster than brain sense of humour :P). But at the same time for all Jake’s quipping about crushes and such and the fact the show clearly knows how to be sensitive to bisexuality with Stephanie Beatriz being a strong advocate, just because Jake’s the main character and adorably married to Amy. In NO WAY can that be threatened because they’re SO GOOD, so there’s STILL uncertainty that this will pay off in the same special episode “I love my wife but I am bi” kinda way that seems obvious that could just be said. We all carry on without it affecting anything because obviously Jake’s found his soulmate so we don’t mess with that but they should know it’s important to clarify it… Even with B99′s track record, I’m nervous solely because Jake’s the main character and main characters tend not to get self-exploratory arcs about latent queerness and ESPECIALLY not if they’re happily married. If ANY show was going to do it right and trailblaze in this exact era it would be them, but… gyah :P

Anyway I guess the conclusion right now is that the more mainstream you are the more uncertain it feels, but we are right at that cliff edge, especially with shows putting in SOME of the work. If B99 doesn’t get us there (or the Good Place where they’ll happily confirm Eleanor is bi in interviews but I believe she hasn’t said it outright on the show despite clearly showing attraction to female characters, again, the denials we know so well in SPN fandom reflect a wider audience view of dismissing this stuff as jokes and not reflective of character feeling and identification without a Special Episode dedicated to confirming it >.>) then we’re very clearly on the cusp of SOME mainstream or massively well-known show doing it at least once in a meaningful way that has an Ellen-style cultural impact on TV writing.

Let’s make it a goal for 2019 or 2020, and hope that a NEW show with a canonically queer main from the start is pitched and becomes a mainstream hit in the next 5… Still got a ways to go before Disney level mainstream but again there IS work going pushing the envelope, especially if we get a movie of a franchise such as idk Further Legends of Korra, or Steven Universe or something else that’s massively pushed the envelope with sexuality or gender for their main character on the small screen in the experimental petri dish they’ve had there for children’s TV. Something that would force Disney to blink about a lesbian princess or Star Wars to let Finn and Poe kiss or Marvel to let Steve and Bucky hold hands or something in order to remain relevant.

Once the Big Cultural Monoliths get in on it, I expect culture as a whole to first of all react quickly on the small screen, but honestly I’ve been waiting for them to snap pretty much my whole life since adolescence and they’re taking such wee tiny baby steps, and some factors are enormous geopolitical awfulness, that the story as a whole is unpredictable and we can only really hope that things don’t slow down.

(Where this affects SPN is just impossible to say right now, given its almost unique position in this mess due to longevity vs fandom vs almost entirely new generation of writers’ room)

#Asks

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benfeldman · 7 years

Text

here comes the jackpot question in advance

summary: The one where Dan thought Phil hated him, so he hated Phil right back.

wc: 7.5k

tags: teenager au, new year’s eve, enemies to friends to lovers (in a way)

tws: underaged drinking, swearing (lots of it,,)

a/n: i wrote this lil diddy in the space between christmas and new year’s, aka when time doesnt feel real. my only betas were spellcheck and grammarly so sry if there are mistakes. im a sucker for enemies to lovers and teenager tropes,, what can i say.

read it on ao3 if that’s more your jam

Of all the places in the world, the last place he wants to be seen is McDonald’s. Dan’s exhausted from work and he just wants some chicken nuggets and an iced coffee, some comfort food to get him through the rest of the day. It’s super busy, so the possibility of him seeing someone from school is high, unfortunately, but he’s just come off of work which is killing him slowly so the risk is worth it. While he waits in the queue he mindlessly scrolls through Twitter.

It’s been a pretty fine holiday, as far as things go. Not too exciting, but nothing traumatic or particularly harrowing, either, which in his family is somewhat surprising. And it’s been nice getting to avoid schoolwork and classmates for a while, as the halls of sixth form can be crowded with some right pricks. In fact, there’s one prick in particular he hasn’t missed one bit, and as he sees him on his Twitter feed he’s reminded of how glad he is not to have to be in his presence every day.

The only reason he doesn’t have Phil Lester blocked and muted is because he doesn’t want to seem petty. All of his friends seem to like Phil just fine, but they also know that Dan isn’t exactly his number one fan. However, the last thing Dan wants is to cause drama where there doesn’t need to be, and a single tap of the ‘block’ icon could put him in a world of unnecessary trouble. But that doesn’t change the fact that Dan Howell, from the bottom of his heart, hates Phil Lester.

Though, surprisingly, no one else seems to. It seems like Dan’s the only one who can see past his persona of Mr. Perfectly Quirky and Funny and into who he really is. He’s not that funny, and he acts like he’s the smartest kid in the entire world but surely, he must not know everything, despite his best attempts to make everyone think so. Seriously, he’s always the first to raise his hand in chem, spewing facts left and right, which makes him the worst lab partner in the entire world. Phil always has to double check Dan’s work even though he’s right on all his arithmetic ninety-five percent of the time, he always makes some comment about how Dan’s handwriting is getting messier by the week, and worst of all, he’s never wrong. That’s what sucks about it. Phil Lester is never wrong. He’s perfect.

And he makes Dan feel like an idiot. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going out of his way to purposely paint Dan as this huge moron, which he knows he isn’t, but it’s hard not to feel that way around Phil. Perfect Phil, with the perfect hair and perfect life and the brightest eyes and the best jokes, who always manages to make Dan trip over his words and say the wrong thing, something stupid. He's always quick to point out Dan’s mistakes. Which, obviously, makes him feel great.

Yeah, well, out of sight, out of mind. Dan scrolls past and tries not to think about him. Why do people even retweet his stuff, anyways? He’s not that funny, but the whole school seems to think he’s some sort of comedy king or something, which gets old really fast, in Dan’s opinion. He’s a smartass, that’s what he is.

Dan finally gets his order in and moves to the side to wait for his food, when the voice he least expected to hear sounds from behind him.

“Dan?”

Sure enough, Dan turns around, and Phil sort of materializes before him, in a hoodie and skinny jeans and, funnily enough, glasses. Dan’s not a confrontational person. He’s not. Never has been. He tends to internalize his seething rage against Phil. Usually, it works. “Hi there,” Dan replies, and thus continues his long list of dumb things he says in front of Phil.

“Small world, eh?”

Dan shrugs. “I suppose.”

Silence. Then, “You getting food?”

“Yep.” Dan takes a breath. “You?”

“Yeah. But not for me. My brother’s been a bit under the weather since boxing day and he asked that I go get him some extra crappy food to help him feel better.”

Of course Phil’s not getting McDonald’s for himself. He’s way too perfect, way too healthy, for that. When doesn’t he have a pedestal to stand on? “Cool,” Dan says instead. “I mean, not about your brother. That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Phil laughs. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. How’s your break been?”

“Alright. A bit dull, I guess. But sometimes it’s better if nothing happens rather than something bad, right?”

“I agree. You never know when loose cannon racist Uncle Joe is gonna ruin Christmas dinner, right?”

“I’ve been there one too many times.”

“Same.”

Could it be true? Could Dan actually be getting through a conversation with Phil Lester without making a fool of himself or wanting to strangle him to death or both? Only time would tell, he reasons, but still. So far, so okay. “Get anything good for Christmas?” Phil asks.

“My brother and I got a Switch for Christmas, and we’ve both been playing it a lot. At least, when I’m not at work.”

Phil gasps. “No way! We did too!”

“That’s awesome,” Dan replies, a grin spreading across his face. “What games do you have?”

“So far we’ve just got Super Mario Odyssey, but we also really wanna get the new Zelda game so my brother can play it before he has to go back to uni.”

“I hear it’s amazing,” says Dan. “We want to get that as well.”

“Maybe if we both play it we can compare notes and stuff.”

“Yeah, maybe.” This is easily one of the longest conversations he’s ever had with Phil, and certainly the only one where he didn’t feel like self-destructing out of pure annoyance at Phil’s stupid face. The longest he’d gone without seeming like a massive idiot. Maybe there’s something about Phil wearing glasses that makes him easier to get on with.

“So, any New Year’s plans?”

“Well, I’m going to my friend Chris’ for New Year’s Eve. Since his birthday is so close, he always has a party then.” Okay, Dan, stop talking. It always really bothered him when people talked about their plans in front of others who weren’t invited. “It’s gonna be super cool, you should totally come, I mean, if you don’t have plans.” What the fuck are you doing? “He’s gonna have alcohol and stuff, too, and it’ll be legal, well, for him at least, and obviously he’ll have, like, real food too.” Are you done now, moron? “Anyways, yeah, I’m sure he’d be happy to have you, if you were interested. I mean, you probably already have stuff planned, I’m sure.” He waits for his dumb tongue to stop betraying him, and eventually, he really does stop talking, exhaling slowly. Dan, one day your mouth is going to get you killed.

Phil raises his eyebrows, but he wears a huge grin. “That sounds like fun, Dan. I’ll totally come.”

Well, Dan was eventually bound to do or say something stupid, right? It wouldn’t be a real conversation with Phil unless it ended with Phil’s superior smirk and Dan’s sinking feeling of inadequacy. “Great, cool, see you then,” Dan says. Oh my god, you fucking idiot.

“Phil!” a guy from the front counter announces.

“Oh, that’ll be my food,” Phil says, still wearing the same stupid grin on his stupid face. He pushes through the small crowd and examines his bag. Dan, in the meantime, stares back at his phone. What did he just do? It’s not as though he has a great track record for getting along with Phil, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin his friend’s party. And besides, since when did he have permission to invite random people from school to any of his friend’s parties, birthday or otherwise? Was it not a teeny bit presumptuous of him to say ‘Oh Chris won’t mind another person in his flat, where he’ll have to accommodate more space for you as well as getting even more food and drinks?’ This was a mistake. Maybe it’s not too late to rescind the invitation, to make up a fake story about how the party isn’t happening anymore. “This yours?” Phil asks, pulling Dan out of his thoughts. He hands him a bag and a coffee.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“You must not have heard your name,” he explains. “It was next to mine, so I just picked it up.”

“Cheers,” Dan replies, but all he wants to do is melt into the floor and forget the past five minutes ever happened.

“Well, I’ve gotta run,” says Phil. “But I’ll see you New Year’s Eve, yeah?”

Now or never, Howell. “Uh, yeah. Great.”

“Cool. Bye, then!” He flashes Dan one last friendly smile before leaving. Of course, on top of it all, he gets the last word.

---

Since there’s not a lot Dan can do about it now, the next day he rings Chris to tell him about his grave mistake, to at least attempt to be a better friend.

“What’s up?” greets Chris upon answering. “Still coming to the party tomorrow, right?”

“About that,” Dan replies, biting his nails. “I kinda invited someone yesterday, is that okay? I know space can be tight but I promise I didn’t really mean to, and if you say no it’s fine, I just--”

“Dan, I’m gonna stop you right there.” He can practically hear the smirk in Chris’ voice, and he already feels a bit daft. “You’re totally fine, I promise. The more the merrier. Who’d you invite, if I might ask?”

Deep breaths. There’s no way he can phrase this without sounding like an idiot, so he might as well bite the bullet now. “Uh, you know Phil Lester, right?”

Chris actually laughs, which Dan half expected, because everyone knows they don’t like each other. Although, to be fair, he didn’t think Chris cared. “That’s who you invited?” he manages to choke out between giggles.

“Yeah, I know, shocker. Like I said, I didn’t mean to, I just felt bad because I mentioned you and stuff. It’s okay if you say no.”

“I didn’t, uh.” Chris stops. He releases another little giggle before continuing. “I didn’t mean to laugh, at least, not at you.”

“Oh, gee, thanks.” Dan rolls his eyes, though Chris obviously can’t see.

“It’s just kinda funny, because I already invited him, and as far as I know he already said he was coming.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “What the fuck?” he says, before he can stop himself. “I mean, no. Sorry, that’s not what I meant. Why did you invite him?”

“I dunno, we have Lit together and we got to talking about the break and I invited him to my party. Why did you invite him?”

“I already told you, it was a complete accident, and obviously I didn’t know he was already coming, otherwise I wouldn’t have, clearly.” Dear Christ, was he doomed to make a fool of himself every single time he was in front of Phil? Maybe the safest course of action would be to just never say anything to him or in front of him ever again. That still left the possibility of him physically doing something stupid, but at least he could minimize the damage.

“Well, either way, Phil’s already coming, so no need to worry. Anyone else you want to invite who I invited myself? PJ maybe? Or Hazel?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” Dan responds through gritted teeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Great! See ya!” Chris hangs up, and Dan can hear him laughing.

It doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t Phil say anything yesterday? Did he derive pleasure in seeing Dan make an idiot of himself? How was Dan supposed to know he and Chris were friends? It wasn’t fair, it so wasn’t fair. Can Dan not have just one day where he doesn’t make a complete joke of himself?

No, not where Phil’s involved. As long as Phil is there, Dan isn’t safe from being the laughingstock of the universe.

---

December thirty first comes around, and a big part of Dan wants to just pretend he’s sick and stay home, because he can’t stand to be around Phil or even Chris, frankly, after embarrassing himself so profusely. But that would only make him seem like a coward, and Chris would make some smartass remark to Phil and make Dan seem foolish without him even being there, so he drudges himself over to Chris’ flat, despite his wishes, and hopes for the best. For all the good that’ll do him.

Dan buzzes into Chris’ place (by now he knows the code) and treks up the stairs. Chris answers the door before he can knock and shouts, “Dan! I’m so glad you could make it!” He leads him inside. “Everyone! Dan is here!”

‘Everyone’ shouts a chorus of slurred hoorays. So the drinking has already commenced. He greets a few people, saying hi to Hazel and PJ and Louise who are deep in a very loud conversation about the new Star Wars movie, and Tom and Jack, who are locked in perhaps the most intense game of go fish Dan’s ever seen. He gets some crisps and migrates over to the couch, where he collapses. He’d been working all day long; he’s actually kind of exhausted, and doesn’t feel like socializing, especially considering how sober he is compared to everyone else. He closes his eyes. It’s too much right now.

“Hey, stranger.” Dan opens his eyes and there sits Phil, on the other side of the sofa. Great. Just what he fucking needed right now.

“Hi,” he replies.

“You seem tired.”

“I was working overtime today. I kinda don’t want to be here, if I’m honest.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Phil says, and he smiles, and it’s so genuine, too genuine, just like everything Phil does, so overly thoughtful and perfect. “Get the new Zelda game?”

“Haven’t had time.”

Phil nods. “Me neither.”

Here’s what Dan doesn’t get: Why is Phil being so nice to him all of a sudden? He usually teases Dan for getting answers wrong in class or in the labs or for his messy penmanship or whatever else he chooses after spinning the things-to-make-fun-of-dan-for wheel. He’s the basic definition of a walking dick, though no one else seems to see that, and he has no reason to be nice to Dan. So, what’s changed? Maybe he’s still feeling post-holiday forgiveness or good tidings or whatever else. Maybe he’s planning to lure Dan into a false sense of security before yelling at him for his dumb hair that he didn’t feel like straightening or his old car or the fact that he foolishly invited him to Chris’ house even though he already had every intention of going. Or maybe you think too much.

“Is work going okay?” asks Phil.

“I suppose. It’s not fun but it could be worse, and at the end of the day, a paycheck’s a paycheck. Can’t complain.”

“Right.” Phil smiles. They sit in silence for a moment, listening to the music. At any moment, their truce could come toppling down, Dan realizes. “Thanks for inviting me, by the way.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well, Chris told me you were already coming, so.”

Phil smiles sheepishly, looking down at his shoes. “He did?”

“Yep. Thanks for the memo, by the way. Would have been nice to know before I, ya know, invited you to a party you were already going to, like a moron.” And just like that, the truce has ended.

“Hey! In my defense, I was really surprised that you did that, and I had no idea what to say, because it was really nice of you.” He shakes his head a little bit. “I just kind of went along with it. You weren’t, I mean, it wasn’t…” he stops. “It wasn’t moronic. Not at all. It was sweet.”

“Oh, that makes me feel loads better,” Dan scoffs. “Look, next time you wanna make a fool out of me, at least have the dignity to tell me to my face that I’m being an idiot.” Christ, he didn’t mean to sound like such an asshole. Why can’t you ever say anything right?

And, what’s worse, Phil actually looks hurt. “You weren’t a fool,” he insists. “You aren’t one, okay? And that wasn’t my intention at all.”

Right, Dan, there’s your cue to shut up now. “Oh, really? Because it feels like every time I talk you, all you want to do is make me feel like I’m nothing, like I’m a fucking idiot. So, excuse me if I thought this was just another one of your secret schemes to turn me into the laughingstock of the century.” He knows he needs to stop talking, but a huge part of him feels good for finally standing up to Phil for once in his life.

“I’ve never purposely tried to make you feel like an idiot, Dan, I promise.” His voice remains surprisingly even. “I’m sorry if you felt that way.”

Dan stares at the floor, hoping if he says nothing he can’t possibly say the wrong thing. “Me, a secret schemer?” Phil continues. “Honestly? You’re the one who doesn’t like me, Dan. I’ve been nothing but nice to you ever since we met but you don’t want to accept it, for whatever reason. Did you honestly think I was trying to trick you, or something?” Great. Perfect. Dan the Fucking Idiot strikes again. “Okay, whatever, don’t respond to me. But I wish we could be friends, Dan. You make up all these stories in your head about how much I hate you or whatever but they’re not true. They’re so far from the truth.”

“Well, great, I’m still the idiot, then.” Dan sighs and sinks into the cushions. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“No, I’m sorry, Dan,” replies Phil. “I’m sorry for lying to you about the party. Believe me, I was the one who felt like an idiot afterwards. I was way too awkward to tell you the truth so I kind of just didn’t say anything and hoped for the best. Which clearly didn’t work.”

Dan actually smiles at that, just a bit. “No, it did not,” he agrees.

“Can we just, like, start over?”

“Sure, yeah.”

“Cool.”

“Come on,” Phil prompts, sitting up. “Let’s go get something to drink. You look like you need it.”

Dan rubs his eyes and rises to his feet. “You have no idea.”

---

So it takes Dan vodka and coke to warm up to the idea of maybe being friends with Phil, but who could blame him? Everything’s happening so fast; Phil’s dragging him to the kitchen and talking to him like a pal as if the past ten minutes, or even the past few months, haven’t happened. Phil pours the bottle of vodka into a cup of soda and asks Dan what his favorite TV shows are and it makes no sense.

They’re too different, Dan always thought. That’s why they never got on, because they were so different they had no hope of ever understanding each other. It was a fruitless quest. But maybe they’re not. Phil gets a refill on his drink as well and laughs a bit and remarks that he forgot to ask Dan what he wanted, he just assumed he’d have the same thing Phil was having. Dan assures him that it’s fine and this is probably what he would have made for himself too and, maybe they’re not that different.

They move back to the couch and try to ignore the fact that everyone’s staring at them, and Dan really can’t blame them as they did just kind of have a loud fight a few minutes ago. The first sip of the drink doesn’t go down well, it never does, but it gets easier and easier and pretty soon Dan’s already starting to feel better. He knows this can’t last, because he has to drive home in about four and a half hours but for now he can pretend like the future isn’t coming. Instead of thinking about that, he and Phil just talk, they just sit on the couch and talk and it feels different and nice. That’s what he really can’t get over, most of all. Who knew Phil would actually turn out to be a nice person?

After a while, Chris decides to turn his music up, and Dan and Phil kind of have to shout at each other to be heard. “Okay, so can I just ask,” Phil starts, frowning slightly. “Why, uh, why don’t you like me? Or why didn’t you like me?”

Not really the question Dan wanted to hear, after trying to turn his opinion about Phil around. “I don’t dislike you.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

Dan sighs. “Fine. It’s because you don’t like me.”

“I like you,” he insists. “I’ve always liked you.”

“You don’t really act like it.”

That stops Phil short. “Well, in my defense, you’re pretty easy to tease about stuff.”

“Hey!” Dan exclaims. “That’s not very nice.”

“Trust me, it’s not a bad thing.” Phil smiles a little bit. He’s got a nice smile. He should do that more often. “I only do it because…”

“Because why?”

“Because nothing.” He crosses his arms. “Be serious, why don’t you like me?”

Dan frowns. “Well, okay, it’s just, like…” Don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up. “You’re just so fucking perfect, like all the time. You come here and you’re the new kid but you make friends effortlessly because you’re perfect and you’re smart and always say the right answers in chem which infuriates me because I used to be that kid that always knew everything but you waltzed into class and you were always right and suddenly I knew nothing . Every single day you come to class, you make me feel so stupid because you’re so smart and your hair is perfectly straight and exactly what I wish my hair looked like, and you’re just as tall, if not taller than me but you manage to make it look good, and you’re always up there on your high horse and I feel inadequate around you all the time. And it, like, never made sense to me that other people couldn’t see how too perfect you are.”

It all comes out in a complete rush, before Dan can stop himself. Instantly he knows he’s overshared, as Phil winces when Dan looks at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I’m not perfect,” Phil finally says. “I can’t believe you think I’m perfect.”

“Well, can you blame me? I mean, look at yourself. You weren’t even at McDonald’s for you, you were getting food for your brother. Kind, thoughtful, healthy and conscientious Phil.”

Phil just shakes his head. “I can’t believe that’s why you don’t like me, because I’m too ‘perfect.’” He does air quotes around that last word.

“Whatever,” Dan mumbles. “I feel embarrassed even though I also feel like I’m right.”

“I’m furthest thing from perfect,” Phil protests. “I swear.”

“Okay, name one imperfection of yours, I dare you.”

“Fine.” Phil crosses his arms, accepting the challenge. “That day, when I went to McDonald’s. It, I…” He takes a sip of his drink before continuing. “Well, my brother wanted food, but my mom wouldn’t get it for him, and he doesn’t trust me to drive around anymore so he drove the car there, but waited in the parking lot for me to get the food, because he didn’t want to come inside himself.”

“What’s your point?”

“My parents won’t let me drive anymore, because I’ve failed my driving test three times and one time I was driving around and almost got in an accident because I’m literally the shittiest driver in the entire universe.” He sighs, and glances at Dan. “So. Strike one. I’m not perfect.”

“To be fair, no one passes their driving test the first time around. You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Okay. Fine. I wear contacts.”

“Yeah, well, I already guessed that. I saw you in glasses, remember?”

Phil’s face turns a brilliant shade of pink. “Oh, right.”

“And you looked cute in glasses, so, whatever, that doesn’t count as an imperfection. Try again.”

He thinks for a moment, then, “I dye my hair.”

“What?” Dan gasps.

“Yeah. I’m naturally a ginger but I look horrendous so, I dye it like once a month. It’s kind of embarrassing.” He takes another sip. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that.”

“Well, it looks great. I had no idea.”

“I’m only telling you that because I’m not sober, just so you know.”

“I’ll take it.”

Phil smiles. “But speaking of hair, I didn’t know yours was curly.”

“Oh,” Dan replies, cheeks turning red. “I didn’t have time to straighten it before going to work, and then I just couldn’t be bothered, so.” He self consciously brushes his fringe out of his eyes.

“I think it looks great.”

“Thanks.” He takes a sip. “Well, anyways, you get my point, right? You’re frustratingly perfect. It makes me want to strangle you sometimes.”

“You’ve completely misjudged me, Howell. I’m so far from perfect.”

He’s almost finished with his drink so he’s feeling extra brave, and before he knows it, he blurts, “Well, what do you think of me? You know, so I can also prove your misconceptions about me wrong.”

“I dunno. I think you’re really funny, you’ve got a sort of dark sense of humor that I like, and you’re also super passionate about your opinions, which I appreciate. Even when those opinions happen to be regarding your deep hatred of me.”

“Look,” Dan tries to defend, but Phil isn’t hearing any of it.

“No, it’s okay. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And you care an awful lot. That’s not nothing. I admire that about you.”

Dan’s heart stops in its tracks. His stomach churns. “I’m such an idiot,” he mutters to himself.

“Why, Dan?”

“I really thought you hated me,” he says quietly, wishing he could disappear.

“No, I don’t hate you, Dan. I feel like I know you, ya know? Like, I just have this feeling, like, I look at you and I know who you are. I wish I had that ability, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you clearly had me all completely wrong in your head. But I can just see you for you. I know that you’re passionate and loyal and compelling and--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts from behind their place on the couch. “We’re about to play cards against humanity, and you have to play. Also you’re not allowed to say no because it’s my birthday.”

They begrudgingly sit around the dining table, with their friends who are all decidedly at least twice as drunk as Dan and Phil are, which is fine, but maybe a slight bit alienating. Dan’s tipsy, sure, but he’s not flat-out drunk, mostly because he has to drive home but also because he hasn’t eaten anything all day and the last thing he needs is to throw up at his friend’s place. Especially since Phil’s there, and, yeah, he really needs one more reason to feel like an idiot in front of him. But, Phil doesn’t think of him as an idiot, in a strange turn of events. He’s not one hundred percent sure that he believes him, but why would he lie?

“Do you guys need a refill?” Hazel asks them, nodding to their almost empty cups.

“I’m good, thanks,” Dan says. “I’m driving, so.”

She shrugs. “Suit yourself. Phil?”

“I’m alright.”

“God, do you two even know how to have fun?” She smirks and rolls her eyes. “Whatever, more for us fun people.”

Hazel makes her leave to the kitchen to refill her drink and Phil laughs a little. The sight makes Dan’s heart rate speed up a little; Phil sticks his tongue out of his mouth and his eyes crinkle in the perfect way and all of his teeth show and okay, okay, why is he thinking like this right now? What just happened to make him notice something like that, something so trivial and inconsequential? Why has Dan never noticed that Phil’s eyes aren’t actually blue, but they’re blue and green and gold and they kind of look like a kaleidoscope?

He has to turn his mindset back around before it’s too late. “What, Goody Two Shoes Phil doesn’t want to get drunk?” Dan teases.

“Yeah, well, my parents are already mad enough at me as it is. I don’t need another reason to upset them.”

“Why are they upset with you?”

“They’re just…” He sighs. “I guess they’re not mad, they just really didn’t want me to come here, because they’re frustrated that they have to come pick me up and drive me home so late, and I guess I just feel bad, because we usually spend today together, and like, I turn eighteen in a month so it’s gonna be legal for me to drink soon, but they don’t want me to until I’m nineteen, which is bullshit, but they’re my parents, so.”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting their conversation. “Have either of you played your cards yet?”

“Fuck, sorry,” Dan apologizes. He picks a random card about George Clooney and passes it down. Phil follows suit. Chris begins to read out the cards he has, but Dan is barely listening. “I can take you home,” Dan says quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” Phil asks.

“Positive.”

“Okay. I’ll text my parents.” The group laughs hysterically at one of the answers, bringing them back to reality.

“Right, I’m picking this one,” Chris announces. “Who played it?” Louise proudly raises her hand, and everyone claps.

Even though the game continues, Dan and Phil don’t really pay attention, lost in conversation with each other. It’s a bit hard to hear over the noise of drunk teens yelling dirty jokes at each other, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Dan feels relaxed around Phil for the first time ever, and maybe it’s the vodka but that’s starting to wear off in all honesty and it more just feels like Phil’s a generally nice person and he’s been missing out on him and his company since September when they met. It takes them about ten minutes to realize no one’s actually playing the game anymore and they’re instead just finding their favorite cards in the pack, trying to make each other laugh. They quietly sneak off back to the couch to continue to talk and no one seems to mind. It’s like he’s been missing Phil his whole life, like the moment they start to just talk he’s picking up from where they left off, even though really they never even started, not really.

Maybe Phil Lester the jerk wasn’t such a jerk after all.

---

Eventually, the group moves to the living room and puts on a movie, crowding the space that was previously just being occupied by Dan and Phil. But Dan doesn’t really mind, and anyways the more he talks to Phil the more he realizes that maybe his feelings of hatred were a bit misguided or maybe they were disguising themselves as hatred because he couldn’t face the truth. Now there’s something he’s really afraid to consider.

Phil gets up from his self-proclaimed spot on the couch to go to the bathroom at around eleven, when people are starting to get either drunker or more sober, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and ring in the new year. PJ takes this opportunity to slide over to press up against Dan, a huge grin on his face.

“What’s up, Daniel?” he asks. He smells overwhelmingly of vodka.

“Not much, excited for the new year, I guess.”

PJ waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “You gonna go for it?”

“Go for what?”

“Oh my god, you’re absolutely daft. Everyone knows of the tradition of kissing someone exactly at midnight on New Year’s Day, right?”

Dan freezes. “I… Who…”

“This is your chance, Dan. He likes you, I promise, just go for it.”

“Okay, you keep saying that, but I still don’t know what you’re referring to.” Though, obviously, he does. “Peej, you’re super drunk right now.”

“And you’re not?” He laughs. “You should be!”

“I have to drive myself home.”

He pulls a face. “So?”

“Right, let’s get you some water, you goof.”

He gets up to go to the kitchen and pour him a cup of water from the fridge, and when he comes back to the living room Phil’s back, deep in conversation with Hazel. He tries his best to ignore the pang of jealousy in his gut because Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? One minute you hate him and the next you don’t want anyone else to look his way? Maybe he’s always felt that way, like there’s always been some kind of underlying jealousy. But jealousy of what? His personality? His hair? His ability to make friends with all of Dan’s friends but somehow be better at it?

“Here you go, Peej,” Dan says, handing him the cup.

“I don’t want it,” he whines in response, but Dan practically forces it down his throat. He makes eye contact with Phil as he attempts to shove the cup into PJ’s hand, and Phil smiles at him and his heart explodes a little bit and, yeah, you’re an absolute gonner.

“Do it, Dan,” PJ whispers into his ear. “Do it for me, if nothing else.”

“Drink your water and I’ll think about it, arsehole.”

It works. PJ sits up straight and practically chugs the whole thing in an instant, earning him a satisfied pat on the back from Dan. He doesn’t mind playing the mom friend at parties, in fact, it makes him feel good. If he can save someone from dying of alcohol poisoning, he can justify coming to this party.

“Dan!” Phil gestures for Dan to sit next to him, as Hazel’s gotten up to get snacks.

“Having fun?” Dan asks, eyebrows raised. He’s pretty sober as far as things go but he still feels like his brain is going a bit haywire which is just great, just brilliant, because that confirms everything and why does this have to happen here, at a party in front of all his friends, on the most cliche night of the year, with music from the movie on TV swelling and laughter and drinks and it’s all just so much, it’s way too much for him right now. And seriously, of all people, Phil? Like, why couldn’t it be someone he knew and actually tolerated?

“Did you hear me, Dan?” Phil asks, bringing him back to reality.

Brilliant, fucking brilliant. What was it about Phil that always made him feel like he was one step behind, all the time? “Sorry, no, what did you say?” Seriously, can God just come smite me where I stand already?

“I said I’m having a great time. Your friends are super cool.”

“Glad you think so.” Can this not happen, please? Not now.

“And you aren’t so bad yourself.” Phil winks, and seriously, Dan feels like a year four, like a child in primary school, with a secret crush and a secret diary full of unsent love letters and this cannot be happening.

“Thanks, Phil.”

“So, any resolutions for the new year?” Phil asks.

“No, not really. What’s the point of making them if you can’t stick to them?”

Phil shrugs. “You never know until you try, right?”

“Okay, fine, what’s your resolution then?”

Phil thinks for a moment, then says, “To just be more authentic. To live a more honest version of myself, whatever that means for me. No unrealistic or unattainable goals. Just, not try to hide or fix myself in front of others. However it happens.”

Dan laughs in spite of himself. “A bit too meta for me, but the sentiment is there, I suppose.”

“I think New Year’s resolutions are fun to make, even if you don’t end up sticking to them. It’s the thought that counts, really.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about. Everything you say, it’s perfect. How do you do it?”

“What can I say? I must be born with it.” He does a fake flip of his hair and giggles. Phil needs to stop fucking giggling because it’s driving Dan insane, it’s contagious and it makes Dan laugh right along with him. Phil makes him feel so safe and warm and like he’s Dan’s missing piece and every other cliche the world has to offer him but fuck it, it’s true. And maybe he’s just completely misreading the signals and maybe Phil still secretly hates him and maybe Phil’s straight as a stick (though to be fair Dan used to think he was so that means nothing) but if he can’t say it now, when can he?

“Phil, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Dan.”

His confidence is dwindling by the nanosecond. “You’re not mad at me for being a dick to you for months, right?” Justsayitjustsayitjustsayitjustsayit--

“No, of course not. How could I be mad at you? I’m mad at myself, if anything, for being a dick to you.”

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but his words die in his throat and he knows he needs to just say it but nothing is happening.

“I wasn’t doing it with any malicious intent,” Phil continues. “It’s just that being nice to you didn’t seem to work, and it was the only other way I could think to get you to talk to me.”

“And why…” His voice is close to failing him. “Why would you want that?”

“Well, I--”

“Guys!” Chris shouts, interrupting them. “It’s eleven forty-five! Almost midnight! I’m breaking out the champagne! Come help me!”

Phil rolls his eyes and gets up with the rest of the party, which is moving to the kitchen to break out the grand finale of alcohols, the champagne. Dan tries not to feel disappointed, but then again, perhaps this is a sign. Chris pops open the bottle and everyone cheers and PJ brings him glasses. Jack helps to pass them out to everyone and Dan takes his, even though he has no intention of actually drinking it.

Chris changes the channel so they can watch the countdown live with the rest of Britain and Dan’s nerves go completely haywire. Everyone’s crowding around the TV and anticipation buzzes in the air and the guy on TV announces that there’s two minutes left until the new year begins and Phil’s on the other side of the room now and his heart hurts a bit. He puts his cup down on the side table to resist temptation. One minute left. He feels someone brush the back of his hand and it’s Phil and time slows down and the people around him fall away.

The countdown is happening around him. He locks eyes with Phil and he’s pretty sure someone just shoved a party popper into his hand but he really doesn’t care. Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen… Phil grabs his hand. Okay, okay, breathe, you need to remember to breathe, don’t fucking pass out for the love of all that is holy. Ten, nine, eight…

Now or never, Dan. Now or never. Now or never.

Five, Phil pulls him closer.

Four, Dan moves his hands to Phil’s waist.

Three, Phil moves his hands to the back of Dan’s head.

Two, Dan leans in. Or maybe Phil does. Or maybe--

One.

Shouts of joy, the mini explosions of party poppers, and choruses of “Happy New Year!” fill the room, and Dan kisses Phil. He feels soft and warm and they fit together so perfectly, and Dan pulls him impossibly close to his body and wow, why didn’t they do this sooner? It feels like fireworks, like the fireworks that are currently going off on TV, and it’s everything he could have imagined only magnified by about a million. It’s perfect. Perfect, just like Phil.

Applause erupts. Dan and Phil finally break away and see that everyone seems to be cheering for them. He completely forgot that there were other people in the room that could see them and now everyone knew. Awesome. Phil giggles and breaks the embrace, squeezing Dan’s hand instead. He’s completely and utterly mortified.

“About bloody time,” Chris remarks, shaking his head.

Dan scoffs. “Mind your own damn business.”

“Stop making out in front of everyone!” retorts Chris.

“What, we weren’t,” Dan stutters, but Phil just smiles and squeezes his hand again. Somehow, it’s not making Dan feel any better.

“Oh, leave them alone,” Louise scoffs at her friends, and soon their attention turns back to the TV, though they don’t stop laughing. Phil peers at Dan from behind his fringe and Dan can’t help but push it back a little and he can’t stop smiling and he knows he’s gone all red from embarrassment but he’s still on cloud nine. He kissed Phil. Or maybe Phil kissed him. Now he can’t really remember. It doesn’t matter, probably.

Party poppers explode and glasses clink and Dan kisses Phil again and nothing has felt more perfect in his whole life. He tastes like vodka and sugar cookies and Dan probably tastes the same and how could he have ever thought a thought as stupid as hating Phil Lester?

Phil laughs a bit, and pulls away. “My phone’s ringing,” he explains apologetically. He pulls it out of his pocket. “Fuck. It’s my mum.”

“Oh.” Dan takes a step back. “You should get that.”

Phil accepts the call while Dan sits back down on the couch. Around him, his friends start to clean up the flat. He hasn’t had a lot of time to process what just happened but now he can. Though, it’s fruitless, as he can barely believe any of this just happened.

Phil curls up next to him. “No… Mum, don’t worry… I don’t… Yes, he’s gonna take me home… I promise… Okay. Love you.” He closes his eyes and sighs. “Bye.”

A ghost of a smile remains on his face, but his eyes have lost their sparkle. “My mom wants me to come home,” he announces. “Do you still want to take me?”

“Yeah. Not like I still need to be here.”

“You’re sure you’ll be okay to drive and stuff?”

“I swear.”

“Positive?”

Dan leans in and plants a kiss on Phil’s nose. “Let’s go.”

Phil smiles and blushes. Dan’s never seen him so soft before. He’s still perfect, though. Still perfect. “Okay,” Phil whispers. “Okay.”

On their way out, Dan swears he can hear Chris whisper to PJ, “My work here is done.”

---

“Come on, slowpoke!” Dan shouts from his car, leaning on the horn. No response. Figures, the guy takes about a half hour at least to straighten his hair. And besides, he liked to make Dan wait. Annoying, since it was Dan doing him a favor and Dan asking for nothing in return. But then Phil comes bounding down the stairs and pulls the passenger’s door open.

“Right. Let’s go,” Phil commands, slamming the door shut.

“Yes sir,” replies Dan.

“Alright, alright, lose the attitude.”

“I’m your school chauffeur, I can act however I like.” He backs out of the driveway and speeds down the road to school. “By the way, we’re late. Again.”

“We’ll be fine.” He leans over the dashboard and gives Dan a peck on the cheek. “Better?”

“Marginally.”

“Whatever. You’re no fun.” Phil fake-pouts, crossing his arms and staring out the window.

Dan concentrates on the road in front of him, but a grin appears on the corner of his mouth. “I think what you meant to say was, ‘Thank you, my wonderful, beautiful, attractive boyfriend, for driving me to school every day, how could I ever repay you.’”

“As soon as I get my license, I am never driving in a car with you ever again.”

“Good to know you’ll always ride with me, then.”

Phil scoffs. “I’m telling you, the fourth time’s the charm.”

“Whatever you say, Lester.”

They’re both quiet for a bit, watching blocks and blocks of flats go by. “Thank you, Dan.”

“For what?”

Phil shrugs. “Everything?” Dan glances at him, and God he’s so beautiful, it almost hurts. Even in the early morning sun, it’s like looking into the night sky, into an entire galaxy.

“Ditto,” Dan replies. They’re almost to school, with only five minutes to spare.

“Ugh, don’t get all sappy on me.”

“What can I say? I’m a poet.”

Dan parks the car and turns to face Phil properly. They kiss, a real one this time. It’s warm. Phil pulls away slightly. “We’re actually going to be late, though.” He grabs his backpack and opens the car door.

“Your fault,” Dan replies, doing the same.

“I can live with that.”

“Yeah.” Dan leans across the car to kiss Phil one last time. “Me too.”

#phan #phanfiction #phan au #teen au #new year's eve #this is sooo so so so fluffy and sappy im so sorry #but like.... teen phan is my kryptonite what can i say #hope u enjoy #ngl..... this was alot of fun 2 write nd its not like the best thing ive ever written but..#its cute and its helping me come into my style of fiction writing so

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shinwnn · 7 years

Text

college! jinwoo au

sokay jinwoo is s u p e r well known on campus because he's essentially the guy that’s always fun to be around and exudes confidence

he’s studying linguistics bc he’s fascinated with languages but also he just loves to talk and everyones always making jokes about how he’s so good with languages because he loves the sound of his own voice so much that he never shuts up

he also works at the campus radio station bc he just loves music so much!! AND he’s worked his way up to being a host so getting to play music & talk is basically the dream for him

everyone always tunes in during the hours that jinwoos hosting bc his taste in music is honestly amazing and he has the best radio voice and it makes everything he says sound interesting

you also listen to his show bc he honestly has never played a song you didn’t either already love or instantly fall in love with

but also you’re really beginning to hate this boy because the only reason you actually know him is because he lives right above you in the dorms

and he hosts the L O U D E S T parties that always happen to go till 4 am

usually you and your roommate fight over who has to go up and ask them to quiet down but tonight your roommate is out with some friends and its already 2 am you’re just laying in bed listening to the nonstop thudding sounds coming from above you & ur almost about to die because you have a 7:30 class tmrw

finally you force yourself out of bed and and into the hallway toward jinwoo’s room and you're so tired you're basically already half asleep

when you knock on the door and jinwoo comes out to see sleepy you in an oversized sweatshirt and leggings trying to form a coherent sentence ( it came out more like “the sound.. .too much.. please. stop.. the sound… theres a lot of it”) he can’t help but think you’re about the cutest thing he’s ever seen

and maybe if your eyes weren’t half closed and you weren’t entirely annoyed with the boy, you would’ve also thought he looked cute in his skinny jeans, t-shirt that was just a little bit too big, and perfectly messed up hair

but right now you're pretty much only focused on keeping yourself from completely collapsing in his door way

he feels really bad because you look like you're about to pass out but then his party has expanded to basically the whole floor and he’s lost the ability to control the noise level

he looks around for a few seconds and without saying anything goes to try to shuffle people into rooms and closing the doors in attempt to quiet things down a little

in the meanwhile you're still standing there in the door way wondering if you should go back now but for some reason your feet aren't moving and wow the floor looks really comfortable right now

but then before you can go to ur final resting place on the floor, jinwoo is back in front of you and he notices that you're like not stable so he puts his hands on your shoulders to try and hold you up and he's like “sorry about everyone. i don’t know if i can do much more about the noise, but i hope that helped a little bit???... also are you okay???”

and no ur obviously not okay bc all you've wanted for the past 3 hrs is to go to bed but everything like 20x quieter now and its so peaceful so you just offer a sleepy smile and nod and turn around to head back toward ur room and ur bed

but then suddenly someones linked their arm with yours and its jin jin trying to be cute and gentlemanly and walk u back to ur room but mostly he's like 90% sure ur gonna collapse in the hall on the way back

ur initial reaction is !! heLLO STRANGER DANGER?? you've only talked to this boy like twice ??? and u sort of tug ur arm away

but jin jin reacts really quickly and like gently pulls u back and he's like “you look like you could use the help. c’mon-“

but even half asleep u does not want the pity of a random cute boy who throws loud parties and disturbs ur sleep so u slightly perk up and are like “ what’s that supposed to mean? are U trying to say I look BAD?”

and jin jin is kind of flustered and taken aback but immediately recovers bc pls this is park jinwoo

“actually i think you look pretty cute and id rather not wake up tomorrow morning to find that you tripped down the stairs to your death while going back to your room because you were too tired.”

so ur like annoyed but ur also like ,,,, fine, maybe i do need someone to make sure i don't die before i get back to my room and also you're kinda leaning into him while u guys are walking and its really nice not having to carry ur own weight

when u guys get to ur door jin jin leans against the frame as ur unlocking it and before u go in he decides to throw away any shred of pride he has and goes for the literally cheesiest line bc he’s never seen anyone look as cute as you do right now

“so, what about a good night kiss?”

u look up to see the brightest smile u have ever?? seen?? like how is he glowing right now but also ur like “did u really just say that”

and u see him get kinda embarrased and ur like woW IS PARK JINWOO THE GOLDEN BOY OF THE SCHOOL ACTUALLY BLUSHING RIGHT NOW??

he’s not really use to rejection bc he hasn't really met a girl he would put himself out there for (but lets be real even if he had, no one would've rejected him what are u doing??)

so he just looks down at the floor and puts his hand on his neck like “ha h a, , yeah, probably shouldn’t have”

but he looks really cute all flustered and you dunno why, tho its probabbly bc ur so tired that u don't actually know if any of this is really happening, but u give him a peck on the cheek and a quick good night before u go inside to ur sweet, sweet bed

n jin jin is just standing outside of ur room, stunned bc WOW ur an angel did that really just happen to him

by the time he gets back to his floor, the partying has pretty much died down to nothing since he really killed the mood when he started pushing people into their rooms for your sake

so he just goes to his room and his roommate mj is laying in bed on his phone (super calm for a change) and jin jin all but jumps on him like “you wouLD NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED”

and ofc mj immediately is as awake as ever dying to know what

after telling mj every detail he basically goes to bed thinking about u being cute whereas youve been knocked out for the past 20 minutes without so much as a thought about it

the next day you’re up by 7 bc u want to get some food and coffee before class so you hit up a cafe on the way to the lecture hall and order your food and sit down at one of the tables to wait

you're running on about 4 hrs of sleep right now so you're not exactly at your prime and you're leaning on your arm while scrolling through your instagram when suddenly your hair is being ruffled and you hear “morning sleepyhead!”

you look up to see jin jin smiling his goofy smile and you’re like “okay firstly, never touch my hair ever again. secondly, why on earth are u up so early, u probably went to bed like … an hour ago”

so he’s like telling u about how he’s helping out around the studio during the morning radio show today and you guys start talking about his radio show and he finds out you listen and it makes him feel all warm and happy for some reason

and you guys start talking about music and you guys have pretty much the same taste and he slips in that he’s been working on some music with his roommate and a few friends and he just gets so excited talking about it

when he can tell that you’re genuinely interested and you ask him questions about their group (which he says is called astro) you can literally see his eyes lighting up and you’re losing track of time bc this is honestly one of the nicest conversations you've had in a long time with one of the nicest boys like, ever

but then u get a notification and see the time on your phone and it’s freaking 745!!! ur already 15 min late to class and you're still like 10 min away from the hall so you grab your things and are like

“shoot im sorry i totally forgot about the time im late to my lecture”

and while you're cleaning up you just keep rambling about how you're screwed bc the class isn't recorded or anything and you don't know anyone you can get notes from and you had like 4 hours of sleep yesterday (which u remind him is his fault) and oh my goodness why is everything bad happening to you

and jin jins just sitting and sipping his coffee looking at you with most amused look on his face and you're still all flustered from being late and u go to throw ur trash away and

when ur back jin jin has ur book bag over his shoulder and his hands are in his pocket as if this is like a normal thing that u do everyday and ur just like ?? are u robbing me? give me my bag and hes like

“no, cmon i’m walking you to class”

and u don't have time to fight it and really you don't mind at all so you just head out the door toward your hall when u remember that he has to go to work and then u forget that you're totally late for class bc now you're worried for him being late for work and u try to grab ur bag from him and are like “o my goSH JINWOO ur gonna be LATE for WORK”

but he completely ignores u and just keeps on walking and ur like ARE U LISTENING and he finally turns around and is just like

“i can afford to be a little late, they wont miss me. plus i’d much rather be with you”

and ofc be freaking winks at u and ur like oh my goodness that was cute but u just roll ur eyes and are like “okay fine, but don’t get used to walking me to places”

and u suddenly remember last nights events very clearly ending with u kissing him on the cheek and u get embarrassed

and it only gets worse when he's like “why? i thought i was pretty good at it, especially after the kiss you gave me for it last night. i was getting ready to transfer majors to physical education so i could work on my stamina and walk you to even further places. it was supposed to be our tradition, walking places. man it was gonna be good”

and ur annoyed bc you've never met someone so irritating yet likable. how does that even work? i dk, but park jinwoo does

when u guys get to ur lecture hall ur suddenly not in a rush at all to go inside bc as much as u hate to admit it to urself, you’d much rather hang out with jin jin

so now ur just standing face to face and he’s looking at you smiling his angelic smile and now its ur turn to contemplate what to do before you leave

and u just wrinkle ur nose before finally deciding to give him a quick peck on the cheek again and then ur just like “maybe that can be part of the tradition”

before he can say anything you've already grabbed ur bag and run into the hall and left him smiling like an idiot

when he gets to work he's still so happy and he’s in a good mood everyday but today it’s just like, intensified all his coworkers can tell he's happier than usual and they’re just like “had a good morning jin jin?” and he's like “GREAT MORNING”

meanwhile ur sitting in class like omg did i actually just do that? also why?

and then like 20 minutes later ur like okay i like park jinwoo

after you get out of class you head back to your dorm to work on some essays for a couple of hours and you see that it’s around the time that jin jin is hosting so you tune in

and after the song that’s playing ends you hear jin jin’s voice and he’s talking about his theory on how toy story and finding nemo are connected and all u can do is roll ur eyes and laugh

but then u hear him go “you should be out of class by now, so i hope you're listening. this next songs for you sleepyhead”

u can hardly believe u just heard him say that and find u urself blushing & even more so when u realize the song that’s playing is pretty u by seventeen

right as you hear the last lines of the song “does she love me, does she love me not…” you get a text from jin jin

“pretty cool huh? i think that deserves a thank you”

to which you reply “you want me to thank you for passive aggressively dedicating songs to me?”

he eventually gets you to agree to let him take u out for dinner and you're so amazed with how comfortable you feel around him and how easily he makes u laugh

it’s just really perfect since u guys started officially dating

a lot of the songs being played during jin jins hours have suspiciously been love songs so much so that he started getting complaints and u had to force him to start playing other things

and as far as those parties that last till 3 am, lately jin jins been finding it a lot more appealing to just sit on the couch with you sharing a blanket and exchanging sleepy kisses as you listen to music

#jin jin #park jinwoo #jinwoo #astro scenarios #astro au #college

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fiveknivesdates · 5 years

Text

Solo's the only way I can breathe (Chapter 3)

Camilla

Being knocked out is very much different from falling asleep. Sleep is like diving into your mind, seeing with closed eyes, walking without moving. Sleep is filled with dreams, and dreams are filled with wants. Dreams are filled with nightmares, and dreams are filled with memories. Sometimes I like sleeping, I let go of my worries and rest. Sometimes I hate sleeping, for my nightmares aren't kind to me. My nightmares also seem to just be twisted memories, terrors I’ve seen in the waking world, come alive once again inside my mind.

Sleeping is a thing I can have opinions on, and I have a lot of opinions, but being knocked out is entirely different. You don't dream when you are forced unconscious. It feels a lot like closing your eyes, and opening them again hours later. It's a blackout, without any alcohol in my veins, only a strong headache from where I was hit.

It takes me precious seconds to remember that I was hit, and along with that memory comes all the ones with Erika, Aiden and me pinned against a brick wall. I shoot up from where I was laying and looks around, only to realize that I have truly been kidnapped.

I am sitting on a bed inside a claustrophobic wooden room. I am not a claustrophobic person, I am properly the opposite, since I am a bit frightened by big, open spaces, but this room feels too small to me a normal room. The thought that it might be a basement crosses my mind briefly, but I push it aside quickly due to the four windows where my only light comes from.

I get up on wobbly legs and look out one of the windows, suspecting to see the streets of Copenhagen outside. I don't. I don't see those familiar streets or any streets at all. I see dark and murky water, and a city quickly disappearing in the horizon. I was on a boat. My knuckles go white as I grip onto the edge of the window, and I forget how to breathe. How could I be so out of touch with my surroundings, that I couldn't feel the floor moving? Couldn't smell the salt water? Couldn't hear the ship around me moving? I feel so terribly out of touch, like a stranger in my own life. I’ve experienced being knocked unconscious before, I’ve experienced waking up in strange places before, but I always snuck out, always made my way back. Now I don't know what to do, and that in itself is the scariest feeling. Another version of me who is calm, calculated and perfect would have done something. Made up a plan, searched the room for something useful. She would have hidden somewhere, waiting for the boat to dock and then start over again. A perfect me would have done something other than cry and look at the sea that just ruined everything I had built for myself.

That was how Erika found me. Shaking, crying, violent. A weak and scared creature, trying to close her eyes and fall back to sleep.

Erika took me by the shoulders and led me towards the bed where I had woken up. She drew a blanket around my shoulders while she cooed at me. She gave me a glass of water and pulled a chair over to sit beside me. All the while she did this, I started feeling worse. Now I wasn't only frightened, I was also embarrassed. I just wanted to close my eyes again and wake up back in my own alleyway.

I suddenly wished that this was just another nightmare, then laughed through my sobs. My nightmares are strange, but they are not waking up at sea with no way back strange.

Erika notices my little sad laugh and takes the empty glass from my hands. “Are you feeling better now?”

I want to snap at her. Of course I am not feeling better, but somehow I can't find it in me to say so.

“A bit,” I mumbled.

“I am really sorry,” Erika said sincerely. “We don't usually do this.” She waved her hand around, indicating either the boat or the kidnapping.

“What do you do then?” I asked calmly, looking at her dark brown eyes.

“How am I to know, this is the first time I am on a mission to recruit a new Tethered.” She joked. I didn't smile.

“What does that word mean?”

“Tethered?” She paused. Thinking. “It's a kind of human. Like a witch. It's a person like me or Aiden or you.”

“I am not a witch.”

“No. But you are like one.” Erika began explaining. “Think of it like this: Every human can learn how to swim, how to draw, how to cook. Some are better than others, some are masters at one thing and some are a jack of all trades. Then imagine if their ability to learn skills were limitless. If they could learn how to control the fabric of the world, the laws of nature. That's what we are. We are Tethered to the core of the universe.”

For some reason I believed her. My intuition told me that Erika was being honest right now, but being honest right now is not the same as being an honest person. I didn’t have to trust her as a person even if I trusted her words. I knew there were secrets hidden behind her eyes, inside her hair, underneath her tongue.

“And you think that I am one of you?” I asked.

“I don't think. I know,” Erika replied without missing a beat.

“How come?”

“When doing superhuman things, we leave behind superhuman trails. A disturbance in the strings of the universe.”

“You’ve been tracking me with your witchcraft.”

“Yes. Since the first time you used your powers six years ago,” Erika stated like that wasn't creepy. “Which, by the way, is a new record. You managed to stay hidden from us for six years. Very impressive. We started betting on you three years ago. Some people thought you were so out of touch with your own powers, that you didn't use them enough for us to find you.”

“And what did you bet on?” I questioned.

“That you knew what you were doing, so much that you learned to cover up your tracks. Which I still believe. After all, I saw you turn invisible.”

“You did?” I asked in surprise.

Erika must have misunderstood my confusion. “Yes. Aiden and I saw you disappear into thin air the other day as soon as you saw us.”

“But I didn't.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I didn't turn invisible, I just tried to blend in and hide.”

“Oh.” Erika smiled. “You might be a bit more interesting than I thought.”

“I’m sorry?” I repeated after her, which made her laugh. I thought to myself that her laugh sounded like honey felt, then pushed that thought aside and blamed it on my deranged state.

The door opened and Aiden poked his head inside. He spoke in a language I didn't know, and Erika responded quickly and got up.

“Are you to be trusted?” Aiden asked me in English.

“Depends,” I answered honestly. “What were you speaking?”

“French; the language of love.” Someone hummed from behind Aiden. It was the same guy who had knocked me unconscious.

The two boys stepped fully into the room. Aiden either looked bored or pissed, maybe a bit of both. His ginger hair was cut short on the sides, and it made him look like a famous cartoon character that I couldn't remember the name of. He wore completely black clothes, the only spark of color being a red and yellow text on his shirt, saying “Bad Boy With a Tainted Heart”. He had silver earrings and a stud in his nose.

“Hey, we meet again!” The Baseball Bat man exclaimed. He wore a too-big letterman jacket in blue and gray colors, and underneath was a fuzzy, light gray sweater. His hair was fuzzy too, curling around his head like a brown helmet. My eyes very quickly landed and stayed on his eyebrows. They were formed like dark, bushy rectangles and were hard to miss. Underneath the bushes were a set of chilly gray eyes, then underneath those were his toothpaste-commercial smile with dimples on either side.

“Name’s Zeph” He smiled while giving me his hand to shake. I simply looked at it until he pulled it away with a sheepish grin. “Still sour about earlier? Im sorry ‘bout that, really.”

“You guys are apologizing a lot,” I stated.

“That’s because we are sorry,” said Erika.

There was a moment of silence. Zeph moved to the window and opened it. Aiden layed down on the ground, closing his eyes. Erika continued to sit by my bed.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

“The base,” Zeph chirped. “Just you wait. You’ll love it there.”

“Is is filled with more maniacs?” I asked.

“Yes,” Aiden answered at the same time that Erika said “No.”

“Well, normal humans might think we are a bit strange, but I do think you’ll come to enjoy our company,” Erika elaborated.

I highly doubted her. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the odd one out. I had trouble relating to kids my age, to my parents or to anyone really. It always felt like I had missed the day when the other kids were taught how to socialize, how to have fun, how to be normal. I remember one day talking to a girl from my class, and she told me how sad she was that her dog died, and I just remember telling her that she’ll die one day too. Somehow that didn't seem to help her very much, even though it was the truth. I was the same around my parents, always snapping at them or ignoring them, until one day they weren't there and I couldn't find it in myself to miss them. That was maybe the first time I wanted to be like everyone else. I just wanted to cry and to grieve because that was what people did, but I just couldn't. I had to accept that I’d never feel like anyone else, but that I could pretend I did. The worst part is that I know this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I just can't stop doing it.

“Okay.” I answered Erika while getting up, then changing the topic. “Can I go to the deck, or am I confined to my room?”

Zeph laughed from the window. “Depends.”

The repeatment of my own words agitated me. I felt like Zeph didn't take me seriously, like I was a child.

“Thats a yes then,” I answered for myself and left before any of them could say something against me.

The air was cold outside, and a fog lay thick upon the waters. I couldn't see the outline of a city anymore, only water. A shiver ran down my spine as I took a hold of the metal railing. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never been out sailing in my entire life. After moving to Denmark, my mother decided she had had enough of traveling, and my father was happy to oblige. We stayed in the country every summer, and only traveled by car or train. The boat rocked slightly under my feet, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I sat down on the deck and searched my pockets. I wasn't a frequent smoker, too afraid of becoming addicted, but sometimes I’d get a hold of a packet and keep them for when I really need to calm down. I can't remember how I started smoking, it just sort of happened. None of my parents had been smokers, so it wasn't a sentimental thing. Maybe I had acquired the habit from hanging out with other low-class teens, who had made a habit of taking drugs and drinking as a way to escape daily life. I had always been too scared of drugs, since I knew just how well they could fuck somebody over, and alcohol didn't seem very tempting because of the hangover that would come after drinking.

I lit my cigarette and tried to ignore the way the boat moved beneath me. I closed my eyes and tried to come up with a plan. I had to get a hold of my backpack, and I was sure that it was on the ship. I always knew from a gut feeling when my trusted backpack was close to me, but now Erika had implanted the thought that it might be more than just a gut feeling. I was still sceptical towards all of this magic-humans stuff, but it did provide answers to questions about myself, like how I had managed to stay out of the police’s grasp for so long.

Even though I was decidedly open minded towards the idea of magic, I knew that I wouldn't trust any of these people. I wouldn't let myself trust any of them. I could smell lies from a mile away, and these three people all stank. It made me wonder how many lies all of their friends had. I didn't intend to uncover their truths, I honestly didn't care about them, but I knew from experience that people who lie the most are also the most likely to spot one, and I was a living lie waiting to be found. I closed my eyes and inhaled another huff of smoke, trying to get a better look at the person I’d have to play. They would soon want to know how I had ended up homeless, and I suspected that was something I could give an honest answer to. Running away from bad foster homes was a common backstory amongst runaway teens, and it was one of the only truths I could give about myself without feeling like I was giving myself away. I couldn't tell them anything about my parents or all the things I had done while homeless.

In retrospect, sea sickness and cigarettes wasn't a good mix. I ended up hurling the little food I had in my stomach over the railing, then laying on the deck with my hands over my eyes to block out the strong light from the sun, my head pounding terribly.

“You dead?” Zeph asked me, with a cheer that rubbed me the wrong way. I hadn't heard him approach me, which irritated me. This was the fourth time one of the three had snuck up on me today. It was a clear pattern that I didn't like very much.

“Is that a wish?” I asked him, pulling myself together and getting up. I tried to ignore the way my stomach flipped, and gave him a cold look, which he returned with a smile.

“No” Zeph said. “It's a concern. Ever heard of those?” When I didn't answer, he continued. “Erika told me that you have been homeless for nearly five years. I know that people aren't friendly towards homeless people.”

There was the obvious trail to follow. He indicated that he might also have been homeless, and I could see it in the way he carded his hands through his hair that he wanted me to ask about it, but I had decided that I didn't want to get close to any of them.

“Is Erika the only stalker amongst you?” I asked him instead. “Or are all of you crazy?”

“This again? Come on, we explained why we tracked you,” Zeph told me with an amused smile on his lips. “But Erika was the one assigned to your case. Which, by the way, meant very much to her. It’s been ages since she was in charge of a mission, so please don't screw anything up.”

“I won't promise you anything,” I said, going over to the ladder that lead inside the boat where the cabin I had woken up in was. I looked over my shoulder at Zeph, who was leaning against the railing, the wind blowing through his curly hair. “Where’s my stuff?”

“I knew you’d ask that.” He grinned. “It's in the first cabin on your left. That’s also my cabin, by the way, if you ever feel lonely, you know where to find me.”

Zeph winked at me as I left, rolling my eyes at him. I didn't imagine that I’d ever want to talk to Zeph of my own coalition.

It was easy to find my stuff, and as soon as my hand closed around the strap I inhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I took my things and ran into what I assumed was my cabin, sighing in relief at finding it empty. I closed the door and pushed the handle upwards and left, a trick I had learned that would lock most doors.

Emptying the contents of my bag was a relief. I rummaged through the mess, making sure no things were missing. I only had one extra set of clothes, but it was my passport, photobook and sim-card I was most worried about. My passport was essential for me if I wanted to leave Denmark, which seemed kind of pointless now. The sim-card was from my old phone, and it contained all my contacts from back when I was living with my parents. I had never been good at remembering numbers, and I had no use for a phone anymore, so I had only kept the sim-card, hiding it in a small, secret pocket of my backpack.

The photobook was the only sentimental thing I had allowed myself to keep. It was filled with pictures of me and my parents. I had since taking it also added photos of the few friends I had during school, and diary entries from the days I wanted to remember. In some of the pockets were letters my father had sent me after being deployed, in others were euros that my mother had kept. I kept jewelry in it too, though not much. Most of it was my mother’s, as I had never been the type to wear necklaces and earrings.

After checking my things and finding them all, I put everything back inside. The sun was going down and it reminded me of the tiredness I was feeling. I highly doubted that I would be able to fall asleep in the ship, but I didn't have anything better to do. I laid down, closed my eyes, and let my thoughts carry me away. <- Previous chapter // Next chapter -> Chapter index

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