#.r let's make a deal
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this is basically my kyle playlist
california girls is rlly carrying the angst so sad((she eants me(2 b loved) is not the sadest song ots just the 1st))
#most if the songs r about alex ngl i love her sm#goodmirbing!! my headaches gone yiipppee!!!!#tgus doodles from yesterday tho lol#i was gonna post it on my kyle doodle acc but like?? not anymore#i drew him kinda leaky srry man#actually no not srry CRY MORE#this guy needs therapy idc what u say#i mean most of them do byt like i will ralk about his silly lil issues hes got sm of those#i feel so bad 4 the ppl i talk 2 omfg#i just talk talk talk & never shut up & THEY DONT TELL ME 2 SHUT UP?? makes me frel bad like oh shit i just yapped @ u im so srry#not even talking about dc all the time#its worse when its dc omg#‘no i like hearing u talk’ like uhm DO U? i can make u regreat that here let me talk about kyle rayner#all the ppl irl having 2 deal w/me shuffling trough comics & me making them see smth on my phone 4 context#i swear i dont talk over ppl ot @ least i rlly try not 2#srry im like sleepy @ am remembering going over 2 1 of my parents friends house &i just talked talked talked#i was ddoung basically a horrible stand up routine#skjfkfkvkkgg#anyaysd kyleee omgg kyle raynerr??!!!#im so srry kyle nation#my kyle tag lmao#kyle rayner#<- is scared#2 put that#dc#puppee art#i think instead of talk talk talk i should say ramble ramble ramble
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"we got 2 hrs of sleep, let's start the day 🥰✨"
No, brain, we went to sleep at 12 and work up at 2, why do I have to keep informing you 2AM is not a "good time to wake up", not is 3 or 4. Let me go back to sleep, the sun won't be up for another 2-3 hrs u ass-
I don't know how it manages to actually FUNCTION on said 2 hrs, and seemingly prefers it.
Tho it does result in more of me humanizing my brain and sometimes a little bit of extra delulu-ness so it's certified not 100% function
#i am tired but i will not sleep no matter the amount of hrs i lay after i wake back up#there is no 'going back to sleep' and it is ridiculous#i literally had to shortly deprived my brain of oxygen to convince it to let me sleep help#by that i mean holding my breath not like suffocation#might have to do it again bc it actually worked the first time but also#that is not smth i WANT to make a habit of man-#“oh how do you deal w sleep issues” i hold my breath like a toddler throwing a tantrum until my brain gives in and lets me sleep#i can remember the last time my brain let me have more than 6 hr at once#and not a single hr was willing#maladaptive daydreaming until i tucker put the fuck bc it never seems to shut#the scenarios role until thw position r hasy and the characters r acting out of script#once i was moments from falling asleep and was screamed awake by my brain like fuck man u rlly gotta be like that?#i could feel it would have been a good sleep toooooo 😔
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You know what would be the worst? If at the end of the war when all is said and done, after the clones lost every little thing they had, after Vaders rise and the Jedi’s fall, after all that death and hardship and misery? It would be terrible to be a clone and wake up like suddenly coming out of a coma, in a stasis chamber that they grew up in and rarely left, there was the craziest dream just before and there’s the lingering feeling something important just happened, this is Kamino 35bby, all the information they were just fed is already neatly stored in their perfect flash-memory brain. No ones died yet, all of that was a simulation based on a calculation of events to instal orders and hone the discipline of troops. It’s dark, there’s no way of telling if anyone or anything exists beyond the boundary’s of the inside. There’s a designated call sign and designation along with vitals displayed in the line of vision, it’s also counting down the seconds to when a new simulation is set to begin.
#as like a fanfic idea tho#how high am I? this high:#it’s like a matrix kind of deal#because even though the body is under the conscious mind is awake and active fully living years of time in minutes#and they’d be grown and raised in the tubes they were made in#never leaving until peak physical maturity has been achieved and there let out to learn physical skills#like building muscle and reflexes and social interaction and all that#imagine the new level of fucked up that would be#the clones would be robbed of literally everything#it’s also like everything everywhere all at once#the clones neural pathways and connected through wires so they get the same brain response they normally would when normally interacting#WTF am I even talking about no one is going to care about this this is random nonsense#tcw#the clone wars#Designation CT-7567 Call sign R-E-X slated rank Captain track 406 group 501#and the entire war is one big simulation#only the prequels are cannon and everything is Freeform for all#so the clones lived a different war every couple minutes while in hyper growth tubes for 5 years so they learned from so many mistakes#this is me making the clones spartan like in an attempt to make them immortal because they would be the perfect weapon and person#imagine how crazy smart and unshakable they would be#clone troopers#the clones#captain rex#commander fox#commander wolffe#the prequel trilogy#arc trooper#star wars legends#the clone wars 2003#rep com
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as for the rest of the ep…
Chalynn truthers we won. we fucking won 🍾🍾🍾
Lois trying to talk Ned into making peace w/ Michael and Drew sounds REAL funny knowing that drew and Michael r still planning on pushing him out of ELQ again. fuck those two forever actually, y’all can make peace in hell
speaking of drewfus, I wish I could be glad he’s leaving but it’s not for very long and crew is gonna be annoying abt it I’m sure. this version of drew is such a shell of himself that anytime hes brought up I just feel disgusted 😖
I’m getting tired of Sonny bringing up Carly when talking to nina it just feels WEIRD… I really don’t wanna see a Carson reunion but it’s starting to feel like the pikeman/cyrus bs might end up being the catalyst for one… sonaritas should we be worried. 😟
also Tolly agreeing to use krissy as the surrogate… wasn’t there literally a whole argument against doing this months back that resulted in tolly icing krissy out for several weeks…? once again I must assert this whole surrogate storyline is a load of barnacles
#pentababbles#general hospital#I’m happy abt the proposal :) but I also feel like they kinda did this so they could be married b4 Gregory croaks#still! taking my wins where I can! their scenes today were sweet and I liked it 👍#i know ned has beef w/ nina over the SEC thing but. once he finds out Michael knew and STILL tried to push him out of ELQ#nina should be the least of his worries. since let’s face it drew earned that prison sentence 😅 and it’s not a crime to report a crime!#the bensons r just mad they had to face even the mildest of consequences for their actions tbh#drew goin to Australia tho like. take joss and Carly w/ u I don’t wanna see them again either#have joss spend time w/ her Aussie father or something I just can’t take her anymore#also the fact that he’s leaving for Christmas so Michael doesn’t have to… bro I hate him so much#bro you just got out of PRISON how about you spend time with your DAUGHTER that you PROMISED to be there for you ASSHOLE#and with drew going away… PLEASE I don’t want a Carson retread please please please#like I find crew annoying and meaningless but at least they’re over in their own corner. but I was actually starting to like Sonny#a Carson retread is just gonna make him suck again 😞#cannot stand the surrogate storyline and tolly is nothing to me anymore but w/e I can deal with it.#however if they really are setting up the surrogate arc to be an angst backdrop for kraze… burned-lariat go get them royalty checks I stg 🤣#but yea that’s my thoughts! story feels discombobulated as ever but we soldier on iguess
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They r something serious to me
#Thank u for gving me the chance to hear so what and let me in at leadt once in my life#And i hope the security who just Observed me and a homeless guy almost physically get into it has a horrible week and month#Men arent shit tell me why i kept making eye contact with a guy in line to get him to come over and help me deal with the guy cus idc about#myself i can handld these people even when they have a weapon but when he startedgetting into the faces of the girls next to me?#I was pissed tf off and the guy in line looked over AND LOOKED AWAY 😹#On a nicer note me and choerry r meant to be im serious we r locked in#Both tours im sat next to her and did a heart .. and she the only one who looks at me during soundcheck#I Love You Forever Twin
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hello !!! i'm ...
➟ sugar !! i also go by charlie , echo , scott , timmy -- call me whatever's more comfortable for u !!
➟ i'm genderfluid, asexual and biromantic + greyromantic !!1
➟ my CURRENT hyperfixations are on NINJAGO and the TRAFFIC LIFE SERIES !! if you're seeing THIS pinned introduction, NINJAGO is currently the MAIN brainrot !
➟ i am a 🚸 MINOR ⚠️ !! please interact with this in mind !!!
➟ i have GAD [ generalized anxiety disorder ] , separation anxiety disorder , social anxiety disorder , selective mutism , depression , DPD [dependent personality disorder] ARFID [ avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder ] , and involuntary age regression ! though these topics probably won't be discussed at length , please keep them in mind when interacting with me !! at times i may go NON-VERBAL or slip into LITTESPACE , and i ask you be patient with me at those times, thank you !
➟ this is a FANDOM SIDEBLOG - my main blog is @sugrx !! i make FANFICTION , FANART , ANALYSISES , AUS , USERBOXES ,,, etc !!
➟ basic ! queerphobes, xenophobes, misognists, ableists, racists, terfs, maps, pedos, fatphobes, etc - any and all bigots of ANY shape or form !!
➟ nsfw / fetish / kink blogs !! again , i am a MINOR , and though i'm fine with having mutuals who ARE 18+ , i'd rather avoid 18+ content , thank you !!
#tag system is simple ! ;;#writing is in →#my writing#and art is in →#my art#!!#most of my fandom-related content falls into either of those categories . i try to keep my system so it's not too difficult to navigate !#i also have a tendency to ramble - i put // in order to differentiate between tag rambles and actual tags#for example!#//#pinned introduction#ninjago#ninjago fandom#intro post#blog intro#///#ta-daa !#though usually actual tags come first and ramble tags are at the bottom for algorithmum purposes !#anyway. i decided to make two SEPARATE intro posts because i couldn't decide on which theme to go w/ for it and couldn't find a way to -#- combine them in a way which didn't clash LOL#this is also my first time talking abt copinglink on tumbr !! thought this be the best place to put this since my linktypes r fictional#i'm hoping it will help me deal with my anxiety better and stop w/ bad coping habits !!#i don't know TOO much abt the alterhuman/kin community so pls let me know if i'm not allowed to kin in this way/copinglink is problematic ;#i did some research and couldn't find anything saying it was offensive / controversial and i just think it would be a healthy-#-way to gain confidence and adapt to healthy coping ! but pls lmk if this is discomfiting / upsetting to anyone and i'll stop !#or at least not mention it publicly . i mostly only copinglink around close mutuals / friends anyway -#- and tend to consider myself an ' au ' / separate from distinctly canon so don't mind referring to them as separate entites#if that makes ppl more comfortable !!
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i know people go thru shit all the time but if you post about ur friends and the person ur dating online talking shit about them and you let ur followers bash them in the replies or something…. ur weird….
#family is diff bcuz u dont choose ur family so if theyre acting like shit i understand it’s something to let off steam#but even when its family its like… hmm. unless ur parents or something r genuinely evil why u letting this anon talk shit abt ur mum?? 🤨#and talking shit abt ur partner/friends online makes me violent!! break up with them if u dont like them easy solution 👍#or if not just deal with it irl like a normal person and dont air ur personal shit out to people u know will back u up in everything…#nothing gets me more aggro than a victim complex sighhhh#these r strangers on the internet babes theyre not ur mates (even tho sometimes followers do be acting like that)#like ik internet friends exist but that is not what im talking about#stop inviting people to hate on other people ur supposed to love its not cute at all its so weird ur a weirdo#and yes this includes when ur friends/partner is in the wrong. thats not ur green light to act cringe#not hp#rant#if ur scared this is about a particular person on here its not its about A LOT OF PARTICULAR PERSONS EVERYWHERE and im tired 😔
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it's friday fellers
#i am so going to make up for not writing anything yesterday when i clock out today!#but before that#S U S H I F R I D A Y#where i go buy grocery store sushi and pretend that's bougie#also made my extra house payment and still have plenty in the checking account to last to next payday so it's a Good Week#AND the extra payment made me hit another goal#(not a major one but i let myself get excited about every $1000 knocked off the principal and it's officially under 93k when this hits)#AND no major expense is about to surprise me! i checked and all my accounts are current#anyway with all this positive energy i MUST overcome the weird inability to write much at a time i've been dealing with all week
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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.
#god i have such a migraine i Rly do not need to be dealing w my mother's bullshit tonight#yes yeah lets go on a rant abt how much u hate having me around bc im disabled and cant do things myself#and rn can barely get out of bed let alone make food for myself#so u *offered* to make me dinner and when i accepted that offer and asked for a safe food so i wouldnt set off my other health issues#u threw a Fit bc it takes more than 10 mins to make and now ur storming around huffing and puffing#and going on abt how ur apparently my slave and i take advantage of u#...whaT?#i didnt ask u to do anything. u offered. and since then i've told u 4 times to just forget it nvm i'll skip dinner#but bc u know i have severe blood sugar issues and that would be bad for me u r now claiming ur 'trapped' doing this#aight#ok#just cut the shit and tell me u think im a burden and h8 me for existing#and that ur mother was right when she said i ruined ur life by being born the way i am#im so so tired of this fucking bullshit dance u keep doing#i get it u wish i was either normal or dead#sadly i am not. but ur truly making me consider the latter option these days jfc#ughhshshsjdj#ableism#ask to tag#fr tell me and i'll tag this w w/e u need i dont wanna trigger ppl w her nonsense#im too tired to even consider all the applicable tags rn#but just lmk
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not putting the reblog banner on this one bc it would feel disrespectful. anyway big fucking mood, felt in my soul. trying SO HARD not to think abt the drama rn.
#tommy's og art wow#tommy's OG ART wow#my hot take is that the VICTIM deserves support and is 100% valid. that was abusive. but that being said#this doesn't make THE GUY (iykyk) irredeemable forever because people can change; but- THE VICTIM still deserves#support and her experiences were absolutely horrible. no one deserves to be treated like that. my only hope is that 1) she heals#and 2) that THE GUY learns to have healthy relationships and not abuse others- finding other ways to deal with his mental illness.#he's been open about being toxic for awhile now; self awareness IS the first step to change but he seems to be resigned to it#but this behavior ISN'T inevitable. his mental illnesses absolutely make him prone to this#but healing- and becoming someone who wouldn't do this- isn't impossible. it'll always be something he can reach one day if he really tries#but clearly he's not there yet and shouldn't be like...in relationships (/r or /p) until he figures this out. and he needs to figure it out#THE VICTIM has all my love in the world. may she have happiness and healing in the future. this was like rlly awful#and to anyone who struggles with behaviors like that- you still matter and you won't be like this forever. but being afraid isn't enough#fear of being abusive isn't the same as taking pratical steps to ensure you don't repeat that cycle and hurt others.#recognition is the first step#but you have to brainstorm what you can do. how you can practice. how you can get better. and i believe you can. i believe anyone can.#lets hope my tags dont get cut off lol#anyway. yeah
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Every so often the BBC merlin brainworms re-emerge and I am consumed with visions of sweet and painful magic reveal AUs
#its abt how canon did not fulfill its promises#we could have either had a gradual accepting of magic and merlin gradually being like um so heres a bit of magic#but uh lets not talk abt it. or we could have had a big dramatic reveal and arthur dealing with that#uuuugh i love both options. i wanna draw the ideas but they r so complicated#and colin has such a difficult face :'(#uh also i shoulf b focusing rn on othet things haha#ugh but i cant help it. im a shell of a human. i need to fill the void with media#bc im so sad and empty and everything feels pointless. therefore i make AUs and draw#unrelated
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ya know it’s honestly funny and weirdly comforting when my friends call me a fake gremlin or green tea bitch because like despite that they still love me and like having me around
#deity dialogue#idk like I’m the past I’ve struggled a lot with like ‘performative positivity’ where I wouldn’t ever let myself be anything other than peppy#24/7 even when it was exhausting and I wasn’t happy#and then irl I deal a lot with being treated like an idiot and infantalized and so I’ve in an attempt to make myself feel better#started to lean into it like sure make whatever assumptions you want about me I’ll find a way to benefit from you treating me like this#I’ll pretend to be an uwu sweet angel if that pleases you or whatever.#but like it’s also nice because like around my friends and loved ones I can have actual emotions other than happiness 24/7#that being said I still talk like an elementary school teacher I cannot change this I’m sorry#that’s not fake I just talk Like That I know I use and excessive amount of exclamation points and question marks this won’t change lmao#I also like to think I’m somewhat peppy and social? sure my social skills suck ass and I’m terrified of everyone ever#but I also love to talk to people and hear from people I’m just kinda at a point where I struggle to even reach out first to most people any#more. it feels like if I try to maintain contact or reach out first that I’m overstepping and should be killed in sight lmao#so again sorry if y’all don’t hear from me much or at all it’s not anything y’all did I just struggle a lot and idk how to not T-T#I have to hope that someday it’ll get easier#rn the main thing helping is the reassurance and patience from ny beloved friends <3 I love my friends sm#the tags r all over the place sorry I’m half asleep
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The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.
#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together#as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!#this woman's life is a dumpster fire#and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement'#which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any#fucking right...😭😭😭#meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving#out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes#this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly#how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making#the wrong fucking decisions and judging me.#these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been#on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest#i feel pretty great#it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going#to end up here.#while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and#she was like ok who cares abt this dude now#which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most#supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is#in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th#one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing.#while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings#who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm#she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver#adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and#making sure i'll be ok.#it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn'#make me feel like the world's worst man#personal log
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this quest became less Weinlesefest and more Bully Kaeya hours
#they made the theme of this festival Family and then chose violence#lisa and adelinde saw their chance and yeeted kaeya and diluc to interact hopefully with no bloodshed#the euphoria i felt when paimon was annoying kaeya on the way to dawn winery like- ur so weird today why r u quiet u got a problem or sum'#and when he was gaslighted by literally everyone into staying for dinner then immediately dashing out of there lol#i cant deal with diluc idk if hes a tsundere or what XD he gets all open brotherly affection with the traveler then he sets eyes on kaeya#and goes all; ugh i guess you could stay. if only for adelinde's sake-#see? im putting up a show that im only letting you stay to make fun of you but actually i really care i just show through disgruntle grunts#because trauma or whatever#kaeya alberich#diluc ragnvindr#traveler#lisa minci#genshin impact#at some point you have to accept that you can't fit all of their design details into your little sketch#kaeya's hairstyle is technically called a lovelock but i will die on the hill of calling it a rattail#watch as his floofy cape thingy gets longer and longer with each panel#the hands killed me just like the electro hypostat#leafy scribbles
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the way my heart sank . lol
#tried to get on a call to study w my gf bc weve both been avoiding stuff we Have to do and its been making us anxious#but esp her bc shes been in this cycle for a while and shes struggling w it a lot . and i love her and i want the best for her#and all my friends r like u should push each other to do better even if its uncomfortable somewhat and i agree#so we were like. yh lets do stuff / get on our work tmrw even tho its anxiety-inducing etc...and then we got on a call#and this is the most like. bored/displeased ive ever heard her sound like she seemed extremely disinterested and even mildly irritated#and it honestly shocked me ??? so i ended the call bc i need to do work and it was making me sad#and im trying to listen to words more than tone but it was so extreme and such a sudden change that it literally wasnt good for me . im so#confused rn . like ik facing tasks youve been avoiding for months causes anxiety ik theres like a mental block around it that makes u not#want to deal w it or become irritated at ppl who suggest that you should#but omg?? it was so weird and like. when i said she was making me sad so i wanted to end the call she was like. ok 😐#which is a fair response ig but shes never responded to me that way b4...like what is this what is happening...#i want smn who encourages me to move forward and who appreciated that i want them to do the same#instead of staying stagnant and anxious for months. i talked abt this before on here and everyone collectively was like Be More Patient and#work through it w her etc etc (my friends said the exact opposite tho) and i have been Trying To but its making me feel actively . bad.#like. im Afraid.#to bring it up . and then when i finally did say yh lets do smth lets get thru this tgth she just shut down on me somehow#idk what else i can do#i will talk to her abt it later i just need to work rn. i had to get this out of my system first.#shes so sweet and wonderful and supportive usually. but when it comes to thsi topic. im rly shocked idk#i knew she felt bad abt it but i thought she agreed to move through it w me and i didnt expect her to direct it at me#like whatever i said shed give me the coldest ok 😐. like. again nothing inherently wrong w that but when contrasted w#the way she talks to me usually there IS smth wrong it . its jarring and uncomfortable and made me rly upset bc it felt like she was mad at#me for trying to help . idk#UGH whatever ill talk 2 her later i have to do this lecture itll help distract me
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