#018. ❛ all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. ❜ — ( musings. )

[madelynraemunson]

CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT 𓆩♡𓆪

(Book #1 of the Hellfire Gentlemen's Club series)

𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐔 18+ plz

strip club owner!eddie x fem!exotic dancer!hargrove!reader

Chapter 002: Wing Man

You start your first night of work. Eddie requests a private show. But not for him; for his friend — a rich and lonely bachelor who can’t seem to get over his ex.

* = somewhat smut

** = smut

↳ chapters: 001, 002*, 003** , 004**, 005 , 006 , 007* , 008**, 009, 010, 011, 012* , 013**, 014**, 015, 016**, 017, 018, 019, 020

word count: 7.2k words

NSFW — lap dance, steve creaming his pants, abusive relationships, talks of trauma, steve and reader trauma dumping lol

pairing: lonely bachelor!steve x fem!exoticdancer!hargrove! reader (and lowkey eddie)

author’s note: yes we get with steve before we get with eddie, but we will get there okay??? 🫣🫣🫦 also don’t tell me you guys wouldn’t homie hop in hawkins because these men are SO FINE

tags: @changemunson , @the-fairy-anon , @ali-r3n

“Let me see you dance I love to watch you dance. Take you down another level, and get you dancing with the Devil” -Wicked Games by The Weeknd

♡

A sultry black set.

A hot pink set with bows. Caribbean blue. Army green for the military men. Some cuffs. Personal wet wipes. Sanitizer. And lastly, a stethoscope to play the part.

“I can’t believe you accepted a caregiving job,” Max scoffs as you both make your way out of Scrubs 4 Less. “Do you even have healthcare experience?”

Your stepsister loved to mask her prying with carefully crafted screening questions. Even if they sounded pessimistic.

“Sure I do,” you shrug. “Remember that summer I cared for Great-Aunt Dotty when she had Parkinson’s? Figured maybe it’d be similar.”

“I guess.”

You take it upon yourself to remind Max that you are certified in CPR. And with that cert, you saved numerous people from drowning as a lifeguard. Of course that was for one year during high school, but it was experience nonetheless.

"Well, what about the heavy lifting?"

"Easy. All in the legs." you pat your thighs. Despite being calm on the outside, you are getting nervous now. About everything.

"Takes a lot of core strength too. And upper body."

It's like she knows what you actually will be going to be doing. However, there are parallels between both professions, and you made sure you made a choice like that so you wouldn't have to lie as much about the physicality of things.

"You seemed to have gotten the job pretty fast,” Max notes.

"Nursing homes are really short staffed. Especially with the pandemic and everyone leaving from all the burnout, they’ll take anybody who qualifies."

"Did they even determine if you do?"

"Are you questioning my ability to take care of people?”

You know you’re being manipulative. You can spot a manipulator from a mile away. But this little white lie is for you and Max’s own good. Even if it means selling her a fake story. Even if it means lying. Living a double life.

“An abusive home life and all-timers isn’t comparable.”

“Have you considered that some people with Alzheimer’s are combative as well?”

“And you had to accept the graveyard shift?” she pries further, ignoring all your valid points.

“It pays more,” you answer sharply, readily. “Two dollar shift differential.”

“Oh my god, we’re practically millionaires.”

The sudden change in Max's behavior is really catching you off guard. She was optimistic on her birthday. A little withdrawn when the weekend was approaching. Now the pain is evident it is almost unbearable. Sure, Billy isn't a problem anymore, but with all of his chaos, Max has found solace in using her hobbies as coping mechanisms. Her body needs that adrenaline, and now you have cut off access to all of it.

Max can't go surf. She can't run around freely just yet because she doesn't know good routes and trails. She doesn't have friends in the area besides you, Robin, and Vicky. She misses Donovan.

Max is hurt. You know she is, but you don't blame her. Still, you’ve had it.

“Hey.” you snap.

Max halts. She knows she went too far.

“I know it's sucky... the situation we're in right now," you sigh. "But I'm doing this for us, remember? It’s temporary. We just need a soft place to land, and this is paving the way towards that.”

At least that’s something you didn’t have to lie about: It’s a sacrifice you were making for her.

———————𓆩♡𓆪—————-

Orientation day comes in a blink of an eye.

Eddie is giving you a tour of Hellfire while discussing how his particular ‘system’ works. You’ve got to give him credit. His system makes sense.

“I don’t ask my girls to pay to dance here,” he explains. “I just think that’s bogus. Also, it’s Hawkins. Not that many competitors, so if I let you dance here, you’re automatically staff.”

You two walk down the hall. Eddie shows you where you would clock in and out, promising you your punch-in code by the end of the week. You learn that everyone gets paid out every Friday, because in Eddie’s words, “fuck that biweekly shit”. Tips go home with you every night, but you are expected to help tip out staff members patrons don’t really see or interact with. Therefore: Jonathan’s girlfriend Nancy whose House Mom, Henry, and Argyle. The boys make their money from bussing and serving. Jonathan earns tips from POTIONS.

“I figured as much.”

You graze your hand along the kukris on the wall as Eddie talks. He stops to take note of it and gives you a boastful smile.

“You like ‘em?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty cool.”

“That’s the perk of owning your own business,” Eddie says exuding a lazy stretch to graze the kukris himself. “You choose where the money goes, when it goes, how it goes.”

He ponders for a while longer.

“Most of the time at least.”

Clearly a majority of the money also went to the chicken wings.

Eddie leads you to back of the house where he then proudly showcases his wing menu to you. There’s the Hawkins Hot Chick for Nashville inspired hot chicken. Chicken Strippers for the picky eaters. And the ‘Hot As Cluck’ buffalo wings with spice scales named after Metallica songs: Fuel (mild), Fight Fire with Fire (medium), Creeping Death (hot), and The Unforgiven (Extremely hot). All are served with one’s choice of carrots and celery or crinkle cut fries on the side.

“Crinkle cut fries are the best kind of fries,” Eddie states. “Ain’t that right, chef?”

“Ay ay!”

One chef. For the entire back of the house. Though that seems like the textbook definition of a staff shortage, the friendly Latino man with long, black hair that he concealed with a hairnet and baseball cap most likely had it covered. He flashes you a kind grin with kind, hooded eyes to match, quite possibly revealing to you that he’s likely stoned out of his mind. But if it helps him through the shift…

“Argyle’s the man,” Eddie explains. “Pitched the chicken wing idea to me when we were both blasted.”

Suspicions confirmed.

“Is it just Argyle?” you inquire waving hello to him.

“Sometimes Eds helps out back here too,” Argyle answers for him. “Like when we’re really fucking shlammed, he’ll come back here and help cook.”

Argyle turns to you. You smile at him.

“But most of the time I got it,” he says. “That man’s got enough on his plate.”

“Yeah, Argyle’s a beast,” Eddie confirms. “Don’t know what I’d do without him.”

While Eddie tidies up back of the house, you and Argyle converse with one another. He’s 28, produces music on the side, and learned how to cook from his mom at the age of three. California native as well. By observing the mini station he has set up, you notice that Argyle keeps a stash of Yerba Mate with him at all times, and some bud in his mini gym bag. You also learn that he and Eddie often take breaks together, hot boxing one another’s vans as if it were some sort of competition. But, as Argyle had mentioned, with how much Eddie currently has on his plate, those joint breaks (no pun intended) have been pushed to the backburner.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Hargrove,” Argyle concludes. “Excited to have you on our team.”

“Likewise!” you shake his hand with a smile. “Looking forward to bugging you for chicken wings.”

“You bug me all you want, mamas,” he insists. “I’ll make you allll the chicken wings in the world.”

“You a flats girl or a drumstick girl?” Eddie questions.

“Flats,” you respond instantly.

You receive a distraught gasp from the cook while Eddie cackles.

“Atta girl,” Eddie smirks patting your back. “I knew I liked you.”

“BLAS.PHE.MY!” Argyle screams. “Drumsticks are where it’s at bro.”

The three of you argue back and forth about chicken for the next couple of minutes, Eddie sticking beside you through and through. Though play-fighting with your new coworkers seems meniscal in the grand scheme of things, you reveled in it. It’s the first time in a while you felt a sense of community outside your sister. You wanted to savor it, especially since you know that this is temporary.

“You’re a red flag, Hargrove,” Argyle jokes, clutching his chest. “You were perfect in my eyes until you said you were a flats girl.”

“Well it’s a good thing she’s mine and not yours,” Eddie jeers.

Your heart flutters. Eddie and chicken wings. You’ve GOT to be in heaven.

“Alright, word,” Argyle calls after Eddie as he pulls you away from the kitchen. “Word. I’m still gonna spoil her with food like she’s mine though.”

“He’s such a flirt,” Eddie says to you once you’re both out of earshot. “Endearing and endangering at the same time.”

“All in good nature right?”

“‘Course!” he exclaims. “We’re all about respecting women at Hellfire. Everything’s lighthearted banter.”

And you’ll revel in that too. Especially since ‘respect’ and ‘lighthearted banter’ weren’t things you were able to experience at home.

“Also!” Eddie adds. “Respectfully… Wear something simple but classy on Friday.”

“Ooh,” you chime. “Simple and classy?”

“Yeah, I’m talking neutral tones. Red lipstick also preferred but you can do whatever you want. I’ve got something I need you to do for me on your very first day.”

I’ll do anything for you, Eddie. Your intrusive thoughts are starting to take over.

———————𓆩♡𓆪—————-

It’s Friday night now and everyone is in their respective stations preparing for the rush. Argyle is prepping the fryer while Chrissy flirts with him for nachos. She waves at you with her fingers and gestures that you can have some too. You smile and mouth a, “thank you” to her.

You really like Chrissy. Of all the dancers you’ve seen so far, she is the most memorable. She is charming and sweet, soft but firm with her boundaries. She has regulars lining up for her daily, all with different types of quirks and interests. But Chrissy somehow fits all of their molds, just by how fast she can switch from doe to siren depending on her audience. You want to be just like her.

You and Eddie stop by the kitchen before heading off to finish orientation. There are chicken wings — flats only, of course — on the line waiting for you with a note scribbled on the back of an old ticket order.

“Shy Girl<3”

“Eat up, mamas,” Argyle encourages you. “Gonna need the energy for tonight.”

“Yeah!” Chrissy cheers. “It’s Fridaaay!”

You thank them before heading out with Eddie once again. Eddie steals a flat from you and flashes a thumbs up to the cook before you two leave.

“Mm,” he approves. “Fight Fire with Fire Buffalo.”

You are just about done with wrapping up orientation training and ready to start the first night on your own. That is until Mike Wheeler, Nancy’s younger brother and bus boy, comes along and interrupts Eddie’s train of thought. You walk with Eddie in silence, munching on your food while Mike relentlessly hounds him about bringing his girlfriend into the club. She is 18 but Eddie is refusing.

“But but-” Mike stammers. “The club is already eighteen plu-”

“But nothing,” Eddie interrupts. “This is Hellfire Club. Not babysitting club.”

“Well I’m 19 and you let me work here. Why does it matter if she’s 18?”

“Because you’re a dude, Wheeler,” Eddie hisses in return. “It’s different for the ladies.”

Not willing to risk any liabilities, he leaves Mike with just that. You follow Eddie, fiddling nervously with your hands as you watch him tsk and shake his head in disapproval.

“I can’t have teenage girls in here,” Eddie mutters. “That’s just blatantly obvious right? Or have I lost it?”

“No, right. Totally!” you agree.

Eddie has another rule. No strippers under the age of 20. Anyone under, including ages of 18 and 19 are children to him. He admits that he gets squeamish when guys bring their younger looking girlfriends into the club. You assume it pertained to his colleague’s girlfriends too.

You walk past the bar with Eddie, waving hi to Jonathan as you did so. Dustin is at the bar as well but is too busy to say hello. You manage to glance over and watch him fix his hair, trying to look his absolute best while FaceTiming his Mormon e-girl from Utah, Suzie. After eavesdropping for the past couple of days, you pick up that she insists on video chatting with Dustin every time he is at Hellfire to ensure his fidelity. Suzie wanted to be his “only wifey” to which ‘Dusty Bun’ assures her that she is.

“Uh oh,” comes a voice ever so soft it sounds eerie when it echoes through the club. “Someone’s in a bad mood today.”

Slithering into your periphery is the same tall, lean guy that you ran into earlier last week. Today he's sporting a white tank top that revealed a couple small tattoos scattered around his body, black pants that were tight enough to be yours, a loose wallet chain belt, and chunky work docs. His gorgeous blonde hair looks attainably messy by what you suspect is mousse. He smells of beer and cigarettes tonight, his tired eyes a precursor to his lust-filled gaze. A poster boy for all the men you wouldn’t want to bring home to your parents is none other than,

“Henry Creel,” Eddie says. “Mike’s just picking a bone with me. Have you met Hargrove? She’s our newest dancer.”

It’s seemingly Henry’s first day back. From the first day of orientation to now, you’ve only had run-ins with Jim, the older gentleman who is also a bouncer. Jim spent years with the Hawkins PD, but after a scandal that only Eddie and his peers seem to know about, Jim found a home protecting young women at the Hellfire Gentlemen’s Club. The only place that gave him a chance.

You like Jim. You like everyone here. You are also ecstatic to see Henry again, this time as a dancer. You can see the excitement blooming in his eyes, with a steady increase in his pupil size by the second.

“Well, well,” Henry smirks. “Look who decided to join us.”

You two shake hands again.

“Henry’s my other bouncer,” Eddie explains, but you already knew that. “He’s my right hand man. He’s tiny but mighty. Could snap bones in an instant.”

You peer over at Henry with shocked eyes, to which Henry acknowledges with a dramatic bow.

“You’ll see it,” Eddie hovers a hand over your back. “I sure hope not anytime soon, but there’s always that one douchebag.”

“And they always underestimate me too,” Henry says. “I get a nice kick out of it. It’s a win-win.”

Henry is certainly not beefy, but judging by his muscle tone and sharp upright demeanor, he can put up a fight. Dude seems like he does a lot of the dirty work for Eddie. He can get away with it too.

After bidding ‘see you later’ to Henry, you continue walking with Eddie.

“So,” he starts. “Did you put together a cute simple outfit for tonight?”

“Mhm,” you nod.

“Good,” Eddie says. “I can tell it’s gonna look amazing. I dig the red lipstick and the choker.”

Eddie wanted classy so you gave him classy. Underneath the cloak, you are sporting a lacy black set with a matching black choker and classic red lipstick. Your hair is straightened tonight since beach waves are your signature.

“You want a sneak peak?” you smirk.

Eddie quirks up. “Oh man, do I? Let me at it.”

You take off your cloak to reveal what you have underneath.

Eddie stops in his tracks, taking in the sight in front of him. His gaze is both soft, yet lout. Delicate in the brows, yet carnivorous in the eyes. Slowly, his jaw lowers, uttering a silent gasp as he fully processes the sight of the vixen — you — in front of him.

“Jeez…” he strains. “You look…”

You blush. Electricity whirls through you as Eddie continues to relish in your beauty.

“Showstopping,” Eddie finishes.

He reaches his arms out and you take them, letting yourself fall into his chest as he pulls you to him. During the embrace, he sets his lips beside your cheek, brushing against them delicately as he gives you a verbal kiss.

“Mwah!” he exclaims, leaving you longing for a stronger peck. You feel like you’re on a cloud when he spins you to get a full 360 of your look. “I was expecting like a light color, or pastel…but black — black is your color.”

“Yeah?” you reply. “It’s not too edgy? Choker and all?”

“A lil rough around the edges won’t hurt,” the club owner approves. “He’s gonna love it.”

You follow closely behind. “He?”

Your first client. You had a feeling that’s what Eddie had planned for you today, but reality didn’t sit in until right now.

"Ever given a lap dance before?" Eddie inquires.

"Yeah, but not in this setting."

He seems amused with your answer. Eddie smirks as he gives you a nudge. "Perfect."

You two are walking down the corridor now, down to an isolated room at the end masked by a beaded curtain. You’re unsure if the goosebumps that form on your skin is because of the slight chilliness of the club or because you were walking into a seductive hideout with the boss you had the hots for.

You two stop just a yard short of the curtain. Eddie turns to face you.

"I've got a buddy named Steve. Not short for anything, his parents just... loved the 80s." he chuckles. “You’re giving him a private show tonight. One hour.”

Eddie’s buddy. The pressure is on. The name rings a bell, you believe Dustin was talking about him the first day you set foot in Hellfire.

“Oh,” you say. “I think I heard your friend Dustin talking about him last week.”

As if it were some inside joke, Eddie sighs and rolls his eyes.

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie mutters. “Don’t even get me started on those two.”

Eddie motions you forward, extending his arm to signal an “after you” gesture as you proceed into the private show room. The beads of the curtain carelessly clash into one another as Eddie saunters in.

"Anyway, Steve has been going through it lately. His lady left him for another dude, he lost his job because the city wanted another basic coffee shop instead of a place to rent cheesy B movies…and the last time he worked in the food industry he had to wear a sailor’s uniform, so he’s since opted out.”

You wander around what was going to be your office for the next hour as Eddie aimlessly takes his own path and furthers his lay-down.

“His folks want nothing to do with him because he doesn't wanna be nepotized by them. When he’s not working, he’s babysitting — you guessed it — Dustin and the rest of the boys when they’re not here or playing D&D with me. Oh yeah, and on the topic of girlfriend, he hasn't gotten laid in a fat minute.”

Eddie pauses.

"It's kinda depressing,” he says. “Now that I say it all out loud.”

He makes a sharp turn and walks toward the boombox he kept in the corner of the room.

"That is depressing," you mumble nonchalantly, as if you yourself had not been laid in a fat minute… contrary to your obnoxious brother’s popular belief.

“How do you sleep at night knowing you’re a fucking slut?” Billy’s voice haunts you.

You’ve only had one real boyfriend and Billy knew that. And that boyfriend, shortly after he left you for the girl he told you not to worry about, admitted that you were simply a placeholder for him. They’re happily married now and it tortures you knowing that being the first choice was never in the cards. Billy knew that too and used that backstory to fuel your insecurities. Billy knew you hated feeling used, yet brought it up every chance he got. Making his victims feel small, that was the source of his power. You shudder it off.

You watch as Eddie plays around with the boombox, ensuring that the aux chord was working along with all its other components.

"Tell you what," Eddie begins to barter. "You give him a good show, you can keep a hundred percent of your tips tonight. Consider it a sign on bonus."

“Wow, Eddie really?” you exclaim. “That…helps me out a lot. Thanks so much.

“Of course, doll,” Eddie grins. “Happy to help.”

Eddie finishes up tidying the room before walking back over to you.

“I can’t get over how amazing you look,” he adds one last time. “You’re gonna knock his socks off.”

“Thank you, Eddie,” you thank him one last time.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

He lingers for a while longer before going outside to look for Steve. Meanwhile, heart’s-a-fluttering you try to acquaint yourself with the place, choosing a seductive song of your liking before getting prepped.

Wicked Games by The Weeknd.

More ruckus sounds from outside of the show room. You assume your client has arrived.

“That’s the boy,” Eddie confirms. “BRB-right back.”

You excuse your boss as he makes his way over to his friend. While you wait, your mind begins to race. Does your outfit look okay? Does your breath smell? Do you smell? Despite all the wardrobe and wellness checks you’ve done, your mind is insistent that something else was off. To calm your nerves, you decide to take a quick gulp of Bombay Sapphire, a gin Eddie had provided for the room, before Steve walks in.

Liquid courage. May help with the performance too.

“There he is,” Eddie cheers as the two men greet each other outside. “What took you so long?”

“There was uh, traffic,” a softer voice responds.

“I call bull.”

The two talk a bit more, voices too quiet for you to make out what they’re saying. That, or the sound of your heart pounding against your chest drowned out their conversation. Steve sounds friendly. Timid, but friendly nonetheless.

You listen in on Eddie’s spiel about you. He called you stunning, explained that you just moved from California, and that you are exactly Steve’s type. Whatever that could possibly mean. You then hear Eddie go over the rules. No touching you without consent. No verbal or physical harassment. No sexual intercourse. And to tip generously.

“She sounds lovely. Thanks for the run down, Eds.”

“‘Course. She’s all yours, Big Boy.”

The beaded curtains clash once more.

In walks a man around Eddie’s age, late 20s, early 30s with sleek mahogany hair and slight puffy eyes. He’s sporting a gray North Face sleeveless jacket with a plain black shirt underneath and denim blue Levi’s. He’s a lot more preppy than you thought he would be. Steve’s reaction to you was similar to that of Eddie, despite how different they seem from each other.

“Hi,” he greets you.

“Hi,” you smile. “You’re Steve?”

He nods shyly. “You’re who they call Shy Girl?”

“That’s meee.”

It doesn’t take a body language analyst to see that Steve is guarded. It takes another fragile, sullen demeanor to know one.

“Are you one of Eddie’s shy friends?”

The comment earns a laugh from Steve. “You think I’m shy?”

“Just a little.”

He attempts to mask a gulp. “I’ve just never gotten a lap dance before.”

“You think I’m supposed to believe that?”

You stalk towards him and rest a hand on his chest when proximity and Steve himself grants you permission. You sink your palm in deeper when you pick up he’s receptive to it.

Oh yeah, that’s all gin.

“With your handsome self?”

Steve’s blushing now. “Yeah…strip clubs are kinda not my thing. They’re starting to be though, cuz I always come and support Eddie.”

“What a nice boyfriend,” you joke.

“Eddie and I do have a budding bromance,” he admits with a laugh.

“Boy I’d love to be in the middle of that,” you tease him honestly.

Steve is left stunned and speechless while you grab his hand and lead him to the futon in the middle of the room. He attempts to relax, exhaling the tension out of his shoulders and manspreading as he watches you encompass him. You walked in a slow circle around Steve as the music starts and he peers up at you with curious eyes. Alas, you stop in front of him, cupping his face softly in your hands and synchronizing your hip movements to the rhythm of the song.

Relate to your customers. Talk to them. Build a connection with them, you think to yourself.

“So how’s your day been?”

Steve cracks a faint smile. "Good, how's yours?"

"Good," you chime as you slowly lower yourself onto his lap.

Steve sharply inhales, sucking the tension he had just released right back into his body. You shake your head in disapproval and stroke his face calmly.

“No, no,” you coo. “Just sit back, relax. You’re safe with me.”

“I’m safe with you, huh?” he responds in an is-that-so kind of fashion. “You seem like pure danger to me.”

“Oh, please,” you snarkily disregard his comment. “I’m an angel.”

“In a place called Hellfire?” he challenges you. “I find that hard to believe.”

Steve wants to touch you. So bad. But he refrains. You feel it in his levitating palms, resting just inches away from the small of your back. You start to lightly ride his thigh, hoping to catch his palm in passing as you move your hips about. Instead you’re met with something hard at the base of his pants, an outline and protrusion that wasn’t there before.

Steve looks down and acknowledges it with a shrug.

"Sorry," he chuckles. "It has a mind of its own."

You laugh faintly in return. "It's okay. I'd say it's responding appropriately."

"Yeah?"

"Given the circumstances," you say as you grind slower, deeper. "Yeah."

"Well, that's a relief."

Steve is cute. And a polite man who values your consent was sure to receive it. You two lock gazes before one of you dared to speak again. It all feels like a blind date, and you’re two giddy young adults.

"You..." you start. “You can touch me if you’d like.”

"Really?" Steve asks. "Usually dancers don't let you do that."

"It depends who you ask," you smile. "Consent is subjective...and you have mine. C'mon."

He obliges and starts to graze your ass softly with his hands. You run his hands through his hair, then along his neck without lifting them. A muffled moan is slowly released from his mouth.

"Shit," he sputters. "Feels really good."

He tosses his head back.

"You make me feel so good."

"Aww," you grin. "Me?"

"Yeah you," his voice is deeper now. Huskier. "All because of you."

His hand moves upwards towards your bra and he begins to fiddle with the straps, and then the clasps. You continue your steady grinding, rolling your hips to the beat of the music, tossing your head back for the full effect while Steve holds back the urge to cup your perfect breasts in his kneady hands.

A whimper escapes Steve’s mouth when you find the sweet place to roll, resting a palm over his abdomen for leverage.

“Needy, are we?” you tease him. “Needy for me, Stevie?”

“So fucking needy,” he breathes, a nervous gulp swallowing another sneaky groan. “You’re gonna be the death of me, woman.”

I’ve got my heart right here, I’ve got my scars right here.

Suddenly, you cease the grinding, going from cowgirl to reverse. Grabbing a hold of both his knees with the back of both your hands, you sink down to the floor, knees bent, slightly out turned. Your hands move from his knees to encompass his elbows, accommodating the playful headlock he abruptly decided to have you in, watching you squat down beneath him.

“Mmm,” he hums. “You’re so fucking pretty, baby.”

His arms creep from the sides of your face to the front of your face. You crane your head upwards, peering up at him and refrain from shivering when he brings an arm across your neck. His other hand rests on your face, stroking it tenderly.

“Get up here and, ride my thighs again, please.” he pleads. “It was feeling so good.”

“Okay,” you oblige before standing back up.

“Before you do though, let me get a good look at your ass.”

You stand there for him, bending down ever so slightly so he could run his hands across your back. He grabs a fist full of your hair gently with one hand and strokes your ass cheek with the other.

"Wow," Steve hums as he runs his fingers along the birth mark on your lower back. "I like this birthmark."

"Yeah?" you say. "Some people have said it looks like a tramp stamp."

"It's cute," Steve insists, pulling you onto his lap. “It kinda looks like a bat."

He points to where the wings would be and the fangs and you laugh. No one's admired your tramp stamp-esque birthmark the way Steve did.

"Thanks," you reply. "My brother has a matching one."

You pause.

"Sorry, that didn't sound all that sexy."

Steve tosses his head back and chuckles, hand resting firmly on your ass again. "You look sexy talking regardless, so I don’t mind.”

The chemistry between you and Steve feels so natural. You know if your nurturing heart felt like this with all clients you would be in big trouble. This profession isn’t for everyone and you realize that. But you decide to realize everything else later. Meanwhile, your focus right now is pleasing Steve.

You resume the thigh riding per his request, and chase your own subtle high as you did so. Steve whimpers and whines, seeming to long for you even more with every stroke of his hair, every brush against his cheek, every steady and calculated grind against his—

"Woah, are you okay?"

Suddenly you’re cut off by Steve abruptly pushing you off his lap. When you peer over at him, his face has gone completely red.

Did you do something wrong? Did you violate a boundary? Millions of thoughts race through your head. You can’t get fired on the first day of your new job…

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, I just..." Steve stammers, flushing a deeper red hue with every word. “I... uh, kinda came in my pants."

"Oh..." you begin.

"I am so sorry," Steve sighs. "Embarrassed is an understatement. I’m such a loser.”

You two start frantically talking over each other, one extremely apologetic, another sympathetic to the concerns. Again, it’s like you two are clumsy young adults on a blind date set up by your bold friends.

"It's been a while... so..." Steve stammers.

"Steve," you stop him.

"And..." he cuts out.

"It's okay," you reassure him. “It’s okay, Steve. If you need a break, we can stop.”

“Sounds good,” he agrees with a resigned sigh, the red colored flush migrating to his ears. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

You go to put your cloak back on again and strut towards the gin. Perhaps offering the man a drink would help loosen up his nerves.

"What should we do with the allotted time left?" Steve wonders eyes following you. He’s rubbing his knees anxiously with his palms. “Eddie has this room booked for an hour. He needs to think you're doing splits on my dick or something or else he won't be satisfied."

Laughter erupts from the deepest parts of your belly at Steve's comment. Steve can't help but laugh as well.

"Hm, we can wait a bit and I can give you another lap dance?” you suggest. “Or a strip tease?"

You weren't used to those words coming out of your mouth, so you attempted to make it sound as normal as possible. Wow, you really just gave a lap dance. And someone came from it.

"Do you think..." Steve inquires. "That we can just... talk?"

----

So you and Steve do exactly that. You talk about your families, and your aspirations, your deepest fears, and your core values. Steve Harrington isn’t the loser he thinks he is. He’s a really cool guy. But deeply misunderstood.

“So you and your brother have similar birthmarks?” Steve questions.

“Yeah,” you confirm. “Except his is on his belly. We literally took the term identical twins to a whole new level.”

He laughs.

“Your brother sounds cool.”

“He was.”

Steve gasps in astonishment.

“Oh, my god. I’m sorry. Is he…”

“He’s not dead. Just an asshole.”

The color returns to his face. He exhales steadily and shakes his head. You find his reaction funny, despite how twisted that made you sound.

“Dead to you though?”

“Pretty much,” you giggle. “Dead to me.”

You two do a cheers to that with your alcohol-filled glasses and take another painful sip. It burns.

“Tell me about yourself now,” you prompt him.

There’s a dramatic pause.

“Well,” Steve begins. “I’m an only child. So eyes have been on me for as long as I can remember. What’s Stevie up to? This is what we expect of him and this is what happens if he’s not what we make him out to be. It didn’t take til young adulthood to realize that I have been living in my parents’ shadow. I don’t even know what I like.”

Steve spurs on about how he has struggled with his identity, going back and forth between if what he was pursuing was a desire of his or his parents’.

“And for a while I thought I knew who Steve was. Until I lost myself again in a girl named Nancy.”

“Aw,” you pout.

“A girl,” Steve pauses waiting for you to catch on. “Named Nancy.”

Your eyes widen. “House Mom Nancy?!”

Steve nods as you slowly piece things together.

“So Jonathan’s girlfriend is your…”

“Ex girlfriend,” Steve confirms. “Small world, huh?”

You suppose it wasn’t good that Hawkins is so small. You’d hate for someone to recognize you when you’re taking a casual stroll outside.

Nonetheless, you push that concern to the side and continue your conversation with Steve.

“What happened?”

“Some petty high school shit,” he explains. “But it’s always been her. She made me a better me. The closest to Steve that I’ve ever felt.”

“Wow,” you say. “So you saw a future with her?”

“Marriage, kids, everything,” Steve confirms. “Then she decided I wasn’t what — who — she wanted.”

It’s silent for a while. Steve shakes his head bitterly and downs the rest of his drink. You slosh yours around waiting for him to speak again. Besides, if you did, you’d end up ugly crying about your ex. And no one wants their stripper trauma dumping on them when they’re supposed to be performing.

Thankfully, Steve is the first to speak again.

“Yeah, Nance. She looks… she looks happy,” he turns to you with dismal eyes. “I don’t ever wanna get in the way of that.”

“Do you ever see her here?”

He shakes his head. “Nah, she’s in the back being House Mom, making sure all the girls are taken care of and all that. And I’m sure she doesn’t come up front because she knows Eddie has been trying to play wingman.”

You chuckle. “With a stripper?”

“With anyone,” Steve chuckles. “God that sounds awful. I sound like a loser.”

“Would you stop saying that?” you snap. “You are not a loser, Steve.”

“I know I’m not a loser. Just feel like it sometimes. Especially when it dawns on you that you’ve been living life for other people.”

“I kinda know how you feel.”

You two lock eyes again. Steve rests a hand on top of yours, intertwining your fingers briefly before he begins playing with each of your fingers one by one.

"I guess…going back to the previous topic…” he proceeds. “If I could change anything about myself, I would've done more of what Steve wants to do. Not what Todd and Marsha want Steve to do. Or what Tommy H. and Carol want Steve to do. Because maybe then Nancy and I would’ve been endgame. Or maybe Allison. Possibly Tammy? Who knows? See? Everyone’s world but Steve’s.”

"Steve," you start. "I hope you realize that I have no idea who any of these people are. It’s kinda hard to keep up.”

"And that is such a relief to hear that," he sighs again, this time in exasperation. "I just feel so free talking about them to someone who doesn't know who they are. Hawkins is small, you know. And it’s good that the only bias you can form is in my favor since you only know of me."

You offer him a consoling pat atop the hand, to which he responds by leaning his head on your shoulder. With how tender everything has been with Steve, there’s a temptation to plant a delicate kiss on his forehead. But you stop yourself.

"I'd like to know you, know you, though,” you find yourself saying.

He gazes up at you. You two smile at each other.

“I’d like to know you more too, Shy Girl,” he answers. “If you’d let me.”

“Duh, it’s what I just said.”

He chuckles. “You’re not saying that for the tips?”

“No. Just human to human.”

You stroke his cheek longingly, running your hand along his stubble.

"It's also been a while since I've gotten laid too," you admit. "And I've got a lot of pent up stress I need to release. You seem like a trustworthy person to do that with.”

The energy changes. Steve’s grip on your hand tightens.

"Oh yeah?" He rubs your thumb with his and soon you find yourselves holding hands.

"Yeah.”

“Sounds like we have a deal then, Shy Girl.”

Before Steve gets any ideas, you interrupt him.

“I don't wanna have sex at work," you admit. "Especially not on the clock."

"Oh, yeah I didn’t think it’d be now. Some people do find that hot though.”

"It's my first day. I can’t disappoint Eddie this early in the game.”

"You're kidding."

You shake your head.

"Wow, I would've thought you've been doing this a while."

You blush. "Thank you. But nope, you’re my Guinea pig.”

Steve continues to gawk in amazement. Then he reaches for his wallet, grabbing a huge wad of Benjamin Franklins and handing it to you.

"Tell you what," Steve bargains. "You buy yourself something nice, get your bills paid, and come through in a couple days. The roomie won't be home so we'll have the place to ourselves. We can get takeout or something too. Whatever makes you comfortable, of course.”

You bite your lip. "I'd like that."

“Good. I’d like that too.”

———-

"So, how was it?" you hear Eddie ask Steve.

"Dude...I just about creamed my pants," he says as you hold back laughter. "You got yourself a good one."

"Nothing's ever too TMI for you, Harrington," Eddie says. "But thanks for the imagery."

"Yeah. I gotta get going now. I got laundry to put away at home. It's been piling so much I think it's going to tip over."

“Roger,” Eddie says before bidding him goodbye. “Oh, speaking of which, did you tip her good?”

“You bet I did. Woman like her needs to be spoiled rotten.”

————

You make your way back to the dressing room after saying bye to Steve and finishing the flats Argyle had specially made for you. At your locker, you subtly attempt to count the hundreds Steve gave you for his lap dance and talk session. The man left you 10 of them. A whole band.

You were stunned. What did King Steve do for a living anyways? It didn’t matter to you. You had enough for groceries, gas, and a portion of your rent, all earned in an hour’s work, and all yours to keep as Eddie insisted.

The realization makes your heart skip a beat. You and your sister were good for the next few weeks.

Knock, knock.

“Don’t freak out ladies, it’s just me!” Eddie shouts from the other side of the door. “Put your cloaks on I’m coming in!”

You watch as the girls scurry to get their covers back on. The amount of respect Eddie has for his dancers is insane. Perhaps it’s common decency but it was such a striking difference than what you were used to. It warmed your heart in a way, but also made you sad. You deserved this respect all your life.

When Eddie finds you, he starts towards you, a look of approval spread wide across his face. As deeply as you wanted it to be because he found you attractive, you infer that it’s because you’re bringing in good business — and that you’re good, given a small amount of experience with the pole.

You two are face to face now. Eddie speaks up first.

“Steve, uh,” he says. “Steve really likes you.”

“Oh really?” you smile. “I’m glad.”

“You’re just a natural, Shy Girl,” he compliments you. “Everyone’s just raving about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Based on what I’ve seen so far and what Stevie told me, yeah,” he confirms. “But I guess it’s no surprise. Shy girls are almost always the freakiest, huh?”

You try not to laugh while you’re witnessing the imagination of your boss running in the complete opposite direction of what really happened between you and Steve. Nevertheless, you let him. You didn’t mind taking up space in your dashing boss’s mind.

“You should come to work a little early next time you’re on,” Eddie says. “I’d like to take you to lunch.”

Heat spreads across your cheeks. “Really?”

“‘Course! I do it with all my dancers as a welcome thing. I’d like to know more about you. You’re more than just a pretty face and someone who simply works for me.”

‘I do it with all my dancers.’

Your heart sinks. Back to square one.

Eddie clears his throat.

“Anyway,” he says. “I’m gonna head out now. Gonna go see the lady friend. I’ve got Johnny boy, Argyle, and Henry holding down the fort.”

The tinge in your heart intensifies.

“Oh, sounds fun!”

“Yeah, I rarely see her cuz she bartends. Even though we work similar hours we work opposite days. But she got first cut tonight so I’m heading over.”

“Have fun, Eddie.”

“I sure will,” Eddie says. “Goodnight, Shy Girl.”

“Goodnight, Eddie.”

Eddie soon disappears out of sight and now your shift seems ten times longer. Regardless, you stuff your tips into your tote bag and prepare to meander around the club, enticing other bachelors for a dance.

Without Eddie around, it seems less exciting.

“Doing it for Max,” you remind yourself while fixing your hair in the mirror in front of you.

You reach for your phone to see the amount of time that has transpired since the private show with Steve. But the clock wasn’t your concern when your Home Screen lights up.

Your heart nearly sinks to the floor.

Billy Hargrove

1 Missed Call

Billy Hargrove

iMessage: 1 message

You open it.

What the actual fuck.

[iceablaze-blog]

what form of gentle affection are you?

brushing loose hair behind your lover's ear

the gentle tenderness and care...  deep yearning from the barest brush of skin... wanting to ask for more but being unsure... you spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not you will find love, and sometimes aren’t even sure if romance is something worth pursuing. you have spent so long being on your own, you simply struggle to picture yourself beside another person. perhaps you even secretly worry that you are too much for another person. it it important to not think of yourself as someone unlovable, as you are just as deserving of romance as any. however, it is also important to not place your value on relationships; you are a complete person on your own.

[iceablaze]

tag drop: Shouto.

[vee-is-a-writter-now]

Ease the pain

[[Zuko x reader]]

Summary: Zuko’s girlfriend struggles with terrible cramps and he does all he can to be of help

A/N: TMI but I’m on my period a the moment and god is it horrible, so I wrote this from the bottom of my heart trying to chanel all the pain I’m feeling lol also going back to writing has really helped me feel a bit more productive, I’m still waiting to start college in around march so I’ve been basically doing nothing all this time, I love receiving requests and having a sense of purpose so keep them coming!!!

Requested: Yes!!! By the lovely @dreamcatcher-018 “Could you write a scenario in which Zuko takes care of fem reader who just got her period and has very bad cramps?” (Btw I turned this into a blurb I hope you don’t mind but it felt right, it’s a little short but i like how it turned out)

Warnings: Period talk but honestly normalize periods we deal with it every month get over it

Growing up your periods had never been that bad

When you first got it it was more of a nuance that anything

You managed to get through the three or at most four days it tended to last

But since around the previous year having your period had turned into a nightmare

Not only did it last way longer now

(Almost a full week)

But your entire body was affected by it

Breast pains

Stomach aches

Appetite changes

Horrible migraines

Mood swings and being extremely emotional

But the worst symptom of them all had to be your cramps

The pain you felt extended all the way to your back and hips

Sometimes they came around before your period even started

It kept you in bed for at least the first couple of days

The first times it happened since you moved in with Zuko he was extremely concerned

He’d ask you if you wanted to go to the doctor at least a dozen times before you had to explain to him that although extremely painful and tedious, this process was normal

This would convince him of not taking you to see a profesional

But it wouldn’t make him any less worried

As soon as you told him that maybe a bag of a warm water bag would help ease the pain Zuko was up and on his feet trying to do anything in his hands to have warm water bags coming to you at all times

As soon as the one you had turned cold he had another one ready for you

He’d make you tea

(Or tried his best to do so without intoxicating you)

Rearrange your pillows constantly

Fetch warm blankets for you.

Your boyfriend couldn’t even sleep properly from how worried he was that your pains might get worse

You had started to think your period was almost as bad for him as it was for you

But after you two had spent your first year together, he was an expert on what to do

Knew exactly what you needed to feel better

It had almost turned into a routine

As soon as the cramps started he’d get you your warm water bag

Made sure that what you were wearing was comfortable

Bring you food if you were hungry

Give you pain medication

And most of all made sure he was always close enough for when you needed a cuddle

Periods were a nightmare

But with Zuko around, it was a nightmare you could get through

And an excuse to cuddle him as much as you wanted

A/N: let me know if you want to be added to my permanent tag list <3

[ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife]

MAG 018 - The Man Upstairs

Summary: Jonathan reads the statement of Christof Rudenko, regarding “his interactions with a first-floor resident of Welbeck House, Wandsworth.”

Obligatory confession of American confusion: This episode is about 23 minutes long, and it took me until somewhere around the 20-minute mark before I had my light-bulb moment about Toby Carlisle being a “first-floor resident”. By “first floor” he means “SECOND floor” in American speak. Yes, that’s right - I spent almost the entire episode confused about which floor this guy really lived on. (For anyone not in the know, in the U.S. the “first floor” is the floor that you walk into a building on, that you don’t use any steps or stairs to access. It is also called the ground floor - they are the same thing. If you go up one flight of stairs, you are now on the second floor, not the first.)

The first-floor-second-floor thing was pretty much the only mystery I solved this episode though. I definitely enjoyed the episode (despite feeling like throwing up myself at some of the descriptions), but as with most of the episodes, I’m left with far more questions and tantalizing clues than actual answers.

Christof describes the odd, unpleasant odor around Toby Carlisle as “halfway between the smell of the pavement after a rain on a hot day and chicken that’s starting to turn”. The second part of that makes sense, given the state of Toby’s apartment when Christof enters it at the end, but I’m having trouble placing what exactly that first part is supposed to smell like. More interesting to me though is the fact that the smell was already there when Christof moved in, even though the banging from Toby’s apartment didn’t start until almost two years later. It seems reasonable to assume the banging was Toby nailing the various meats to the walls, floor, ceiling, etc., but if that’s the case, then where was that smell coming from for the years prior to that? Did it originate with Toby himself, or did his excess meat problem cause the smell long before he actually started nailing them to the walls?

When Christof returned the incorrectly delivered package to Toby’s apartment, we get possibly the most detailed description of any part of Toby in the entire episode: “The hand was thin and pale, with long, filthy yellow fingernails. On the back, I saw a single dark red mark that might have been a cut or a lesion, but it was gone before I had a chance to see it in more detail.” The “single dark red mark” is likely the beginning of the “puckered, septic lesions and holes” Christof sees in Toby’s dead face at the end of the episode (some part of me wants to say it reminds me of Jared Key’s eye tattoos from episode 12...but I’m trying to ignore that possibility), but the fingernails are what really piqued my interest. Christof tells himself for most of the episode that Toby just has a severe hygiene issue, but if it was straight-up uncleanliness, his fingernails would be primarily brown or black, caked with dirt or grime, that sort of thing. Instead, they are yellow more than anything else. This is the first of five mentions of the color yellow in this episode - the second is the color of the growing stain on Christof’s dining room ceiling, the third is the color of the liquid that oozes out of the hole in the ceiling after it collapses, the fourth is the color of the rotting meat covering Toby’s apartment, and the fifth is the color of the “fluid” that “oozed” from the creepy af pile of meat in Toby’s kitchen. The similarity in the colors indicates a direct connection between Toby himself (that is, his body) and the rotten meat. But the pieces of meat that lined his apartment were, in Christof’s estimation, pieces of various non-human animals - so if we take him at his word, the rotten meat wasn’t literally from Toby, so something external caused both Toby and the meat to excrete that sickly yellow rot.

So what made it target or infect Toby? No clue, since we don’t have any background on him, but I sure hope it wasn’t done by touch alone: Christof got some of that yellow slime on his jacket sleeve when Toby snatched the package from him. He said he couldn’t get rid of the smell and eventually threw the jacket out - but then he accidentally touched the stuff while fumbling for the light switch in Toby’s apartment at the end. When they followed up with him, he said “he had had no further experiences he believed to be linked to these events” and I don’t have any specific reason to disbelieve that - except that that means Toby wasn’t infected by just touching the wrong thing (or person). This isn’t a Jane Prentiss-type infection. So what’s Toby’s story?

And just what was in that package? “The envelope was thick and soft - it must have been mainly full of bubble wrap or other packing material.” So...it wasn’t meat? Because that would have been two puzzle pieces fitting together quite nicely, canceling each other out, and I’m more than a little irked that that wasn’t the case. It’s like Jonathan said at the end: “Where was he getting the meat?” At first, the sheer quantity of meat reminded me, vaguely, of the bag of teeth from episode 5. Both were a multitude of body parts. But those teeth were human and the meat is (apparently) from animals, and all the teeth were identical, whereas these meats are all different cuts from different animals. Notably, they’re all animals that are typically eaten by humans - Christof mentions steaks, chicken, and lamb among them. This seems to be more of that theme of rotten food, although in this case I think the “rotten” is more important than the “food”.

Despite all these questions I have, none of these things are directly harmful. Sure, Christof’s ceiling caves in, but no one besides Toby dies or gets hurt (that we know of). But that pile at the end...I got some Seriously Bad Vibes from that. To recap, Christof found in Toby’s kitchen “a pile of discarded meat and bone stacked almost as high as a person. It seemed almost less decayed than the rest of it, though that foul yellow fluid oozed from it, and…when I looked at that heaped pile of meat…it moved. I don’t know how - I don’t know quite how to explain it, other than it opened its eyes. It opened all its eyes. The next thing I remember is the police’s arrival” - and then suddenly the pile of meat was gone. There are two things here - inherently connected, I’m sure - that I’d like to point out.

First is the eyes. Creepy or out-of-place eyes have been mentioned every few episodes so far in the series: in the painting on Mary Key’s wall in episode 4, in Wilfred Owen’s death in episode 7, in the eye pendants in episode 9, in Jared Key’s eye tattoos in episode 12 (as well as the eye in the security camera in that same episode). And with each new appearance (particularly the one in this episode) I’m starting to get more and more worried about whatever being or creature or presence the eyes belong to.

Which brings me to the second thing. One of the recurring themes in these stories has been what I’ve taken to calling “altered reality” - when things appear one way but, we find out later, were actually quite different. When Graham is confused by Amy mentioning his nonexistent window box in episode 3. When Laura tries to reverse out of the squeeze in the cave in episode 15 and her foot hits solid rock. When the pile of meat straight-up disappears in this very episode. I want to be clear - those examples of “altered reality” are not what I’m talking about when I discuss a new (to me) theme: the incomprehensible. This pile of...whatever...in Toby’s kitchen is literally incomprehensible to Christof. He can’t even put into words what he saw. It’s like either the words don’t exist to describe what he saw or his brain can’t comprehend it - or possibly both. He says, “when I looked at that heaped pile of meat…it moved. I don’t know how - I don’t know quite how to explain it, other than it opened its eyes. It opened all its eyes.” Being unable to trust your senses due to some “altered reality” is terrifying, but to experience something that is literally incomprehensible and indescribable is just another level of terrifying. And the one thing most clearly intertwined with this incomprehensibility Christof experiences? The eyes. Specifically, the eyes opening.

We’ve seen this incomprehensibility before, albeit in slightly less terrifying (IMO) situations. In episode 3, Amy describes the creature entering Graham’s window: “When I say it moved, that’s not quite right - it shifted. Like when you stare at one of those old magic eye paintings and you change from seeing one picture into seeing another.” But much more blatantly and recently, in episode 17 Sebastian describes reading an excerpt from The Boneturner’s Tale: the Boneturner “crept up to the Miller while he slept. It described him silently reaching inside him and…it’s a bit hazy. All I remember clearly is the line ‘and from his rib a flute to play that merry tune of marrow took’. And as for the rest, I don’t recall in detail.” The second example concerns me much more than the first. I feel bad for Graham, of course, and I really want to know what that creature was...but The Boneturner’s Tale was a Leitner and seemed to have the power to deform anyone who touched it.

By themselves, it doesn’t appear that the eyes are doing anything. They’re just eyes, after all. No limbs, no body. But I don’t know if they really are just watching, or if their form and actions are so incomprehensible to humans that the people in these stories essentially can’t perceive it. And if they are just watching...what are they watching for, and what’s going to happen when they see it?

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

[tuff-and-fluff-archives]

Okay I am hyperfixating HARD on Tom and Jerry and all my emotions from childhood have FLOODED forth, so now that I’ve finished watching (almost) all 161 original theatrical Tom and Jerry shorts from 1940 to 1967, I would like to force you all to endure my insane ramblings about this franchise. Although before I begin, I’d like to share where I’ve been watching all these! Here’s a Dailymotion playlist of all 161 shorts, put into the correct order by yours truly :3 OKAY NOW THE INSANITY BEGINS 💖💖💖

1) The Messy Formative Years: Shorts 001-017 (1940-1944)

So obviously, when a series is first created, especially an animated series, the first few episodes will always be a bit odd as the directors and writers find their footing and establish the rules of their own universe, and Tom and Jerry is no exception! In fact, these episodes can be a bit weird and even jarring to watch because the designs of the titular characters are so drastically different from how they look even ten years afterwards. In fact, in the very first episode, they don’t even have their official names yet and are instead named “Jasper and Jinx.” Also, there’s a LOT of talking in these beginning shorts before they decided to make Tom and Jerry almost entirely mute. Shorts 010 and 013 stand out the most, as they feature characters regularly speaking full sentences and it’s just... ohhh it’s SO weird to watch and it feels almost wrong 😅 Of course that’s not to say these shorts are bad, far from it actually! They’re still super fun and fascinating to watch and I think it’s quite interesting to see how such an iconic franchise got its start!

2) The Golden Years: Shorts 018-097 (1945-1955)

Oh. My. GOD. THESE ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. I guarantee that when you just think about Tom and Jerry, THESE are the shorts that come to mind. By now William Hanna & Joseph Barbara fully had their formula down and were just pumping out hit after hit afTER HIT HHHHH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH. I’m not kidding when I say that these shorts still make me laugh really hard and I absolutely adore nearly every aspect of them: the fluid and extremely expressive animation, the excellently timed music paired with each short, and the humor that’s constant and lands almost every time. My absolute favorite ones are around 040-080 but really all of these are just sooooo good. I know that this is stating the obvious but one thing that I especially love is just how VIOLENT these cartoons are, even more than the Looney Tunes shorts that were coming out at the same time. Characters are constantly picking up knives or axes or straight up GUNS and ngl I feel like half of the humor comes from that shock factor of the insane absurdity of that violence. Okay I’m starting to sound rly dumb, I know explaining the joke is never fun, but the directing and animation just NAILS every joke; I think the secret behind it is that there’s always a buildup and anticipation before the impact, and that buildup just makes the impact all the more intense! I was going to list my top 5 favorites but it’s impossible to choose so lemme just recommend a random five out of all of them: 026 - Solid Serenade, 048 - Saturday Evening Puss, 067 - Triplet Trouble, 069 - Fit to Be Tied, and 076 - That’s My Pup!

Also, I don’t know where else to mention this so I’ll just say it here: there’s a gradual change that Tom’s design goes through where he’s slowly drawn to be less and less fuzzy. At first his outline was drawn with a lot of points to emphasize his fur, but over time they abandoned doing that, my guess is because it was harder to animate. I’d say that they fully transitioned to Smooth Tom around short 030. That’s just a little detail I noticed and wanted to share! ^-^

3) The Slow Decay: Shorts 098-114 (1956-1958)

*heavy sigh* Well... a good thing can’t last forever. What’s kinda strange is that I can’t really nail down a specific reason caused a decline in quality after 1955; short 096 was the last to be produced by Fred Quimby, with Hanna & Barbara being given the producer credit as well as director credit for the remaining 18 shorts, and MGM animation studios had major budget cuts in the late 50′s and was shut down in 1957, and perhaps the studio shutting down had also taken the joy out of the crew, which would certainly have an effect on the cartoons. Now that doesn’t mean that these last 16 shorts are bad- they’re still quite entertaining, but they just don’t have the same energy as the shorts made in the Golden Years. They’re also nowhere near as cartoonishly violent as the past shorts had been; weapons are almost never used anymore and there are barely any efforts from Tom and Jerry to straight up kill each other, and more often than not they’re working together and even acting like close friends. I think that’s pretty fair evidence that even if these later shorts were much tamer and friendlier, that meant that they were lacking the same chaotic energy that made the other shorts so hilarious. 

Also I just need to vent this here cuz this era also contains the two most absolutely infuriating shorts in the Hanna-Barbera era, that being 100 - Busy Buddies and 114 - Tot Watchers. These two shorts consist of Tom and Jerry attempting to stop a baby from accidentally dying cuz it’s just a dumb baby that doesn’t know anything, while the babysitter is just totally ignorant to everything happening. Now I can’t quite explain why and I’m probably just making myself look like an asshole but these shorts are just... so frustrating to me??? Like its bad enough that this stupid baby whose face NEVER changes from that stupid little smile just keeps wandering into dangerous situations (in Tot Watchers it straight up crawls into a CONSTRUCTION ZONE) but every time Tom rescues the little bastard and puts it back in its crib, the babysitter thinks he’s “bothering” the baby (probably because of that one myth about cats laying on babies and stealing their breath) and so poor Tom is just punished for doing literally nothing wrong!! It’s just... very frustrating to me for some reason I’m sorry... (Although I have to admit that it is interesting and kinda cute that Tom knows how to change a diaper, like wif the safety pins and everything. Why does he know that...?)

4) The Gene Deitch Shit Shorts: 115-127 (1961-1962)

OOOH BOY. I don’t think... that I can really describe how purely and utterly I dislike the Deitch shorts. Okay so, to explain, in 1961 MGM decided they wanted to revive the Tom and Jerry franchise, so they contracted an animation studio based in Czechoslovakia to create 13 new original shorts. All of these shorts were directed by Gene Deitch, who before being commissioned for these cartoons, was open about his disdain for the original Hanna-Barbera shorts that he described as “needlessly violent.” After he was assigned to the series, he did come around to somewhat realize that the violence was intended to be overly cartoonish and humorous, but his initial opinion still had an influence on his directing decisions. In addition to these facts, the foreign team behind this series had only collectively seen a handful of the original cartoons, and each short was given a budget of only $10,000, compared to the $50,000 that the Hanna-Barbera shorts had all been given.

SO. To recap, these 13 new shorts were being made by a foreign team who had barely seen any of the source material, directed by a man who had disliked the original cartoons, and being made on 1/5 of the budget that the Hanna-Barbera shorts were given. Needless to say, the end results were a DISASTER. I’m not kidding when I say that watching these shorts feels almost like a fever dream with how completely baffling and surreal they are. I honestly don’t think they could be any more different from the original series; the music and sound effects are extremely minimalist and usually completely absent, the animation is so jerky and totally lacking the fluidity of the originals, and the character design is also drastically different and, in my opinion, kinda ugly too. These are universally considered to be the worst of the theatrical shorts, and Deitch himself has even stated that he and his team “hardly had a chance to succeed” and he fully understands the negativity directed towards the shorts he directed. I have to confess that when I rewatched all the theatrical shorts, I only got through two of these before outright skipping the rest of them. These 13 shorts are a complete disgrace to the majesty of the Hanna-Barbera series, and while I don’t hold anything against the people behind them, I can’t lie when I say that I hate these shorts. 

5) The Chuck Jones Era: 128-161 (1963-1967)

I have an odd love-hate relationship with these shorts. I don’t think I need to explain to you the legacy of the great Chuck Jones, the creator of Marvin the Martian, Pepe Le Pew, and the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote whose name is nearly synonymous with the Looney Tunes cartoons of the 30′s, 40′s, and 50′s. He’s an absolute legend in the animation industry, and yet... the Tom and Jerry shorts that he directed are still significantly weaker than the original series. Let me start with the things I like though! The slight changes in the character design to match Chuck Jones’ signature style are super appealing (I especially like how at times, Tom will almost resemble Jones’ design for the Grinch) and the animation is of course very well done and a joy to watch, but despite these positives, the humor is sadly lacking. There are still quite a few jokes that land, but they’re more restrained and just don’t have the same high-energy oomph! of the impactful gunshot sound effects and violent screams of the original cartoon. I’ll always have an appreciation for this era of shorts and the man behind them, but they sadly didn’t even come halfway close to the Hanna-Barbera series.

WELL. ANYWAY, THAT’S MY RANT!!! Thanks for reading this far, all two people that did. It just felt good to get this outta my system! 💖💖

[ezzydean]

018: “I want to hear you sing.” Kuroo and Oikawa.

Definitely under a cut because this wound up being 2400 words.

(click here to read on my blog and not the dash)

Tooru hums as he tucks himself against Tetsurou.  It’s still early, not even noon yet, but Tetsurou can feel sleep creeping in on him.  It might be because of the warmth of the sunlight they’re laying in.  It might be the long night of research they had just finished.  It might be Tooru content and solid and warm against his side.  It’s probably a combination of them all but he doesn’t really care at all.

“Hey Tooru,” he says softly.  Tooru hums in response and Tetsurou smiles sleepily.  “Sing to me?  I want to hear your voice.”

“Oh?”  Tooru shuffles them a little until he’s draped over Tetsurou, smiling down at him.  Tetsurou can feel Tooru’s heart beating steadily against his chest and he reaches up to run his hand through Tooru’s fluffy hair.  “Just for you, love.  Just for you.”

Tooru takes a deep breath and lets his eyes flutter close as his lips part.  The softest, sweetest song fills Tetsurou’s ears and he struggles to keep his eyes open as Tooru’s voice washes over him and gently pulls at him.  He wants to give in, to fall asleep here and now, but he doesn’t want to stop listening to Tooru.

“Stop fighting it, love.  You’ll be awake again and grumbling at me to keep quiet before you know it.”

“I like listening to you,” he admits, sleep dropping his walls and his filters like anchors into the sea.

“I know you do,” Tooru whispers, breath ghosting across his cheek.  Tooru presses a kiss to both of his cheeks and then brushes his lips so gently he’d swear he imagined it.  “That’s why I never take offense when you tell me to shut up.”

Tetsurou laughs and when Tooru’s song reaches for him again he goes without resistance.

—

He wakes with a groan.  The sun is still fairly high so he didn’t sleep too long.  A quick glance around the room shows him a distinct lack of Tooru so he was clearly asleep long enough for Tooru to get bored of napping and wander elsewhere.  He shouldn’t be hard to find.  They’re literally the only people in this abandoned shell of a village.  Have been since they got here a few days ago.

Tetsurou stretches and rolls out of bed.  He wobbles for a moment — the biggest downside to asking Tooru to put him to sleep with his songs is how unsteady he feels when he first wakes back up — and shuffles out of the bedroom, snatching some bread and dried meat on his way across the main room.  Tooru isn’t here either which means he either found something in one of the other, less habitable destroyed homes, or he’s in the stream that’s just outside the village fences.  

Tetsurou is betting on the stream.

He still pokes his head in the other buildings as he wanders through village, enjoying the early afternoon sun while he still can.  Only a few more weeks before the chill of autumn started to settle over the land.  He wonders if Tooru has figured out where he wants to head this autumn yet or if he’ll just throw a knife at a map like he did last year.

Tetsurou is still shaking his head at the memory of Tooru trying to back out of his own rules in regards to the whole ‘knife at the map’ thing as he pushes through the branches and steps to the edge of the stream.

“Tooru,” he calls out.  “I hope you’re decent.”  He glances up and down the stream.  “Tooru?”

Dumbass is probably planning on trying to jump out and scare him like last week.  He rolls his eyes.  Eventually you would think Tooru would learn that he can’t sneak up on Tetsurou, no matter how much supernatural blood is flowing through his veins.  But nope.  He still tries.  Every few weeks.

“If you’re trying to play hide and seek Tooru you know you’re going to lose.”  He cocks his head to listen to the woods around him.

It’s quiet.

No.  It’s damn near silent.  No birds.  No animals.  No insects.

No Tooru.

“Tooru!”  He scrambles as best as he can upstream a bit and then back down, nearly tumbling into the stream in his haste.  “Tooru!  This isn’t funny!” he calls out as he hurries back to the village, letting his anger color his voice.  Better anger than the cold shiver of fear oozing down his spine.

He throws open the door of the house they’ve been staying in, barely even wincing when the hinges finally give up and the door slams against the wall and then topples to the side.

“Seriously Tooru this isn’t funny.”  No one answers him, not even a cricket.

He feels so stupid.  Of course Tooru left.  Tooru never stays put for long.  Never has and never will.  He should have learned that years ago when they first met.  He just thought that maybe… maybe…

He stomps to the bedroom to grab his things; there’s not much point in staying if Tooru isn’t here.  The research he needed to do is complete.  The only reason they had stayed was because Tooru had insisted.  Said he didn’t want to go back to the bustle and crowds of the living quite yet.

Tetsurou scoffs and starts shoving things into his pack.  First his clothes.  Then his various oils and potions.  His notes.  His bedroll.  Tooru’s notes.  Tooru’s cloak.

He stares down at the cloak.  It’s Tooru’s favorite.  He had actually made them turn around and travel two days back when they had left it behind at an inn a couple months ago.  It was, apparently, one of the only things Tooru had left of his home.  Tooru would not have left it behind.

Not willingly.

—

It takes four villages, three innkeepers who are probably mentally scarred for life, a half dozen threats of testing out his newest potion experiments, and seven assholes stabbed  — why everyone is so surprised to see a mage with a dagger he still doesn’t understand, a sword he would see the surprise, but a dagger?  Come on — within an inch of their life.  But he finds out where Tooru is being held.

And why.

“Shit,” he sighs.  The mansion Tooru’s being kept is isn’t all that heavily guarded.  But it’s heavily guarded enough that one mage is going to have trouble getting in by themselves.

He slips back into the darkness of the forest at the back of the mansion, hand already slipping into his pack to pull out the pendant and potion he needs.  It’s a full moon which will make the whole thing easier to do.  In theory.

He downs the potion and smashes the pendant against the biggest tree he can find.  He can feel the potion sluggishly fighting through his body, fingers going icy cold as the shadows around him grow and twist.  Inky blackness seeps from the tree and he takes a deep breath, bracing himself before he shoves his hands into the darkness.

A leather gloved hand slips into his left hand.  Fiery hot fingers take his right wrist.

He takes another deep breath and pulls.

Two figures, one taller than him and one shorter than him, come stumbling out, inky tendrils of blackness sliding from them as they catch themselves and stretch in the moonlight.

“What did you do this time?”  Yaku glares up at him from his left.

“Why do you assume I did anything?”

“Because,” Mattsun says from his right, “the last time you summoned both of us at the same time I almost got eaten.  And not in the sexy way.”

“What does that have to do with this?”

Mattsun shrugs and peers over Tetsurou’s shoulder.  “I dunno.  Just saying.”

Tetsurou rubs at his face tiredly.  “So.  Short version.  The guy in the mansion back there kidnapped Tooru and is trying to find a way to harness powers so he can make Tooru sing at will.”  He opens his eyes and gives them both a pleading look.  “And I can’t get in there on my own.”

Yaku tilts his head and starts crackling his fingers, cracks loud even through his leather gloves.

“Whatever the cost of your help for this.  I’ll pay it.”  Mattsun’s eyes narrow dangerously as he considers Tetsurou for a moment before he pushes past Tetsurou’s shoulder and heads towards the mansion without another word.

—

“Sing for me.”  

Tetsurou creeps through the shadowy corridor.  Yaku and Mattsun have cleared out every living creature in this entire mansion save for the two in the room he’s approaching.  He’s pretty sure he’s figured out how they’ve been trying to harness Tooru’s power.  If he understood the messy scrawls on the notes in the lab in the basement.  He’s also pretty sure it’s not going to work for the asshole in the room with Tooru.

Pretty sure isn’t entirely sure and he prays to all the gods above and below that he’s right or he’s going to step into the room and the man inside is going to order Tooru to use his voice to kill Tetsurou.

“Sing the song damn you.”

Tetsurou can just barely make out Tooru’s voice and he sounds so tired, so worn down, so close to breaking, that he shoves through the door without a second thought and barrels into the room.

Tooru is chained in the corner and the man who had him kidnapped, the man who had him experimented on, the man who caused him so much pain and exhaustion and stole the light from his eyes is standing mere steps in front of Tetsurou.  He’s clutching a glowing amulet in his hand that he points towards Tooru.

“Sing,” he demands.  Tooru’s eyes water.  He clenches his jaw and shakes his head desperately.  “And end him.”

Tetsurou leaps for the amulet as Tooru’s lips part.  He struggles to wrestle it from the other man’s fingers even as the first whispers of Tooru’s song wash over him.  The man gasps softly as Tooru’s voice reaches him, body going limp as he collapses to the ground.  Tetsurou struggles against the voice, like he does every time, just wanting to hear it a little bit longer.

He meets Tooru’s eyes, watery and apologetic; Tooru can’t stop singing until the song is complete or he’s given a new command.

Tetsurou’s fingers inch towards the amulet.  So close and so, so far away.

Tooru’s voice is a warm blanket on a cold night.  A crackling fire in the darkness.  A comforting embrace after a nightmare.

His fingers brush the amulet.

“Tooru,” he whispers sleepily.  “Can I hear your voice?  I want to hear you sing.”

—

Tetsurou groans as he wakes up.  It’s cold, his entire right side is numb where he’s laying against the stone floor, and there’s a stream of moonlight shining on his face.  His arm’s asleep, there’s a warm weight against his chest, and someone’s hair is tickling his nose.

“Tooru?” he mumbles.

“I’m here,” Tooru whispers against his chest.  His arm is on fire with pins and needles but he curls it up and hugs Tooru even tighter against his chest.  “You dummy.”

“’m not a dummy.”

“You are too.  You charged in, knowing full well what that asshole was trying to do, and didn’t even have anything to guard yourself from my song.”

Tooru’s voice is gravelly and Tetsurou wants to tell him to stay quiet, to let himself have a break, but he knows that it’s pointless to try.

“I knew it wouldn’t work.”  Tooru tilts his head and Tetsurou can feel his questioning gaze before he even opens his eyes.  “I read the notes in the lab.  Saw what they were doing.”

“How did you know it wouldn’t work?”

Yaku clears his throat and oozes out of the shadows to sit next to them.  Mattsun settles behind Yaku and wraps his arms around him.

“Yeah, Tetsurou,” Yaku says blandly.  “How did you know?”

“You can make a siren sing, eventually.  If you have the right spellwork and rules and objects,” Mattsun says.  “So how did you know it wouldn’t work?”  

Tetsurou smiles.  “Yes.  You can.  If you have the right research and enough coin anyone can make them sing.  But you can’t pick their song.  Well one person can, technically.”  Tooru freezes in his arms.  “But the siren  has to choose them.  And you can’t tell them to sing.”  He looks down into Tooru’s wide eyes.  “You have to ask.”

He stares into Tooru’s eyes until he sees Yaku shifting around out of the corner of his eye.  He drags his gaze away from Tooru to watch as Yaku and Mattsun have some kind of silent conversation with their eyes and eyebrows.  Finally Mattsun huffs and leans back on his hands, legs still bracing Yaku’s, and stares up at the ceiling.

“So?”  He asks when neither of them say anything.  “What’ll be?”

“You said you’d give anything.  Whatever the cost, you’d pay it.”

Tooru gasps and tries to pull away from Tetsurou but Tetsurou just holds him as close as he can.  If these were to be his last moments on earth then he wanted to spend them with Tooru in his arms.

“I did.”

“Tetsurou no,” Tooru hisses.  “I’m not worth—”

“You are worth everything to me Tooru.  The air I breathe.  The sun on my face.  The blood in my veins.  The magic under my skin.  I would give any and all of it to see you safe.”  Tooru stills in his arms and Tetsurou takes the moment to press a kiss to Tooru’s forehead.  “All of it and more.”

Mattsun gets to his feet and looks down at him.  “If that’s the case,” he says as he leans towards them, eyes flickering with light.

“No.”  Mattsun pauses at Tooru’s voice.

“No?”

“No.”  

Mattsun stares down at Tooru, eyes flickering.  Tooru stares right back until Mattsun looks away with a shrug.

“I wasn’t gonna take anything anyway.”  Tooru blinks in surprise at Mattsun’s statement.  “I mean.  He just saved my brother.  How can I accept payment for that?”

“Aww,” Tooru coos, “Mattsun you do love me!”

Yaku rolls out of the way when Tooru scrambles to his knees and throws himself at Mattsun, cooing and laughing as he knocks the other man over.

“So, seriously.  What do I owe you?”  

Yaku glances at him and then looks back at the other two.  He shakes his head.  “It was Matsukawa’s call.  So.  You don’t owe us for this one.”

—

Tooru hums as he tucks himself against Tetsurou’s side.

“Do you ever shut up?” Tetsurou murmurs sleepily.

“Nope.”

“Lucky me.”

Tooru laughs and kisses Tetsurou’s chin.  “Yep.  Lucky you.”

Tetsurou laughs and pulls Tooru tight against him.  “Well if you’re going to be noisy will you sing to me?  Please?”

“For you, love, any time.”

[flirting-with-psychology]

1. I own a ferret. 2. My best friend is my boyfriend 3. My best friend is a girl 4. I use the word super way too much 5. I am a boy 6. I like My Chemical Romance 7. I own more than 100 CDs 8. I like discussing politics 9. I collect state quarters 10. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite video game. 11. I have Cingular 12. I love MAC makeup 13. I smoke too much 14. I own more than 5 bandanas 15. My favorite movie is Kill Bill 16. I watched Lamb Chop when I was young 17. I have my ears gauged 18. I can do HTML without guidance 19. I watch Spongebob Squarepants regularly. 20. I go to the movies at least once a week 21. I play guitar or bass 22. I love Elvis 23. I’ve had a mo/bi/trihawk before 24. I have met my favorite band 25. I like to hardcore dance 26. Something’s outside my window 27. I believe in ghosts 28. I do drugs regularly 29. I am straightedge 30. My favorite feature about myself is my lips 31. I have never consumed alcohol 32. I want a tattoo. 33. My favorite actor is Will Ferrell. 34. I have seen Conan O'Brien live. 35. I hate MTV 36. I used to watch Cheaters every week 37. I have my own vaccuum 38. Frank Sinatra is awesome 39. I sleep with a stuffed animal 40. I am scared of werewolves 41. I watch hockey regularly 42. I am originally from New York 43. I own an iPod 44. Some people aren’t funny. 45. I hate school. 46. My favorite vegetable is lettuce. 47. Tickle fights are fun. 48. I am currently unemployed. 49. I have my license 50. I hate spelling mistakes 51. I love Spanish class 52. I live in a big city 53. I have been to the Grand Canyon 54. I listen to music to fall asleep 55. I watch TV to fall asleep 56. I only get a few hours of sleep each night 57. I’m relatively innocent. 58. I am a size 3 or smaller 59. I’m bored. 60. Purple is my favorite color. 61. I hate flossing 62. I have a car. 63. I believe in God 64. I’m in love. 65. I used to love Unwritten Law. 66. Reno 911 is my favorite show. 67. There is a mini stapler on my computer desk. 68. Cuddling’s my favorite. 69. For sure. 70. I have a flip phone 71. I love my handwriting 72. I own a Louis Vuitton handbag 73. I want to be an astronaut. 74. I love the song Dragostea Din Tei 75. 50 Cent is not talented 76. I like scanners better than digital cameras. 77. I own at least one Punk-O-Rama CD 78. My room is sound proof. 79. I’m 5'5 or less 80. Lying pisses me off 81. I backstab people. 82. I have been in a fist fight. 83. I have PaintShop Pro. 84. It’s almost midnight 85. My nightlight is cracked 86. I only listen to Dashboard Confessional when I’m sad 87. And I feel like a pansy when I do so 88. I hate metal 89. I’m in a band. 90. Napoleon Dynamite is annoying now. 91. I love hickeys 92. I want to lose weight 93. My favorite channel is the Food Network. 94. I don’t have a CD burner. 95. Pixar is stupid except for the Incredibles 96. I own an apartment/house 97. I am engaged. 98. My computer’s a Gateway. 99. I hate driving. 100. I like watching boys sleep. =========================== 01. I miss someone right now 02. I don’t watch much TV these days 03. I love olives 04. I love sleeping 05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses 07. I love to play video games 08. I’ve tried marijuana 09. I’ve watched porn movies 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy 13. I have acne free skin usually 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse frequently 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year 17. I have a hobby 18. I’ve been told I can suck the chromes off a trailer hitch. 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me 20. I’m smart 21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain 24. I’m paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars. 26. I need money right now! 27. I love Sushi 28. I talk really, really fast sometimes 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D. 38. I like the way that I look sometimes 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to do cornrows 41. I am usually pessimistic 42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is hot 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. 48. I think that I’m popular 49. I am currently single 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex 51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop. 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto. 56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders 57. I’m obsessed with my Livejournal 58. I don’t hate anyone. 59. I’m a pretty good dancer 60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother 62. I have a cell phone 63. I believe in God/ a higher being. 64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama. 67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before 68. I’ve rejected someone before 69. I currently have a crush on someone 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life 71. I want to have children in the future 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I’m not allergic to anything 77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie 80. I am sometimes shy around the opposite sex 81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past 85. I own the “South Park” movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal 87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum 88. I enjoy some country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can 92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story” 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend’s ex 99. I’m happy as of this moment 100. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s  101. I have slapped john dasaro and chris burke in the face..on the same night 102. I haven’t showered in two days… and I like it. 103. i own every f***er here 104. I procrastinate all the time 105. I’m a nerd 106. I LOVE the movie The Wedding Singer. 107. i hate corn. 108. i’ve attended the rocky horror picture show 109. i’ve never seen Bambi the movie 110. Thinking about the future terrifies me 111. Without music there would be no point in living. 112. If I could change one thing about myself I would 113. If someone of the same sex liked me, I would date them. 114. I went to the mall today for 5 hours ================================ Would do Have Done

001. Bought everyone in the pub a drink 002. Swam with wild dolphins 003. Climbed a mountain *004. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 005. Been inside the Great Pyramid 006. Held a tarantula. *007. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 008. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it. 009. Hugged a tree *010. Done a striptease 011. Bungee jumped *012. Visited Paris 013. Watched a lightning storm at sea *014. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise several times *015. Seen the Northern Lights 016. Gone to a huge sports game 017. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa *018. Grown and eaten your own vegetables *019. Touched an iceberg *020. Slept under the stars 021. Changed a baby’s diaper 022. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon *023. Watched a meteor shower *024. Gotten drunk on champagne *025. Given more than you can afford to charity 026. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 027. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 028. Had a food fight 029. Bet on a winning horse 030. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 031. Asked out a stranger 032. Had a snowball fight 033. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier 034. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 035. Held a lamb 036. Organized and planned a surprise party for a loved one *037. Taken a midnight skinny dip 038. Taken an ice cold bath 039. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar 040. Seen a total eclipse 041. Ridden a roller coaster 042. Hit a home run 043. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days 044. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking *045. Adopted an accent for an entire day 046. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 047. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment *048. Had two hard drives for your computer *049. Visited all 50 states 050. Loved your job for all accounts *051. Taken care of someone who was really sick *052. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 053. Had amazing friends 054. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country *055. Watched wild whales 056. Stolen a sign 057. Backpacked in Europe *058. Taken a road-trip 059. Rock climbing 060. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice *061. Midnight walk on the beach 062. Sky diving *063. Visited Ireland 064. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love 065. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them *066. Visited Japan 067. Bench pressed your own weight 068. Milked a cow 069. Alphabetized your records 070. Pretended to be a superhero 071. Sung karaoke 072. Lounged around in bed all day 073. Protested something you feel strongly against 074. Scuba diving *075. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye 076. Kissed in the rain 077. Played in the mud 078. Played in the rain *079. Gone to a drive-in theater 080. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret *081. Visited the Great Wall of China 082. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog 083. Dropped Windows in favor of something better 084. Started a business 085. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 086. Toured ancient sites 087. Taken a martial arts class 088. Swordfought for the honor of a woman 089. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight *090. Gotten married 091. Been in a movie 092. Crashed a party 093. Loved someone you shouldn’t have *094. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy 095. Gotten divorced 096. Started an office war 097. Gone without food for 5 days 098. Made cookies from scratch 099. Won first prize in a costume contest 100. Ridden a gondola in Venice 101. Gotten a tattoo 102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on 103. Rafted the Snake River 104. Been on television news programs as an “expert" 105. Got flowers for no reason 106. Made out in a public place 107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything 108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug 109. Performed on stage 110. Been to Las Vegas 111. Recorded music 112. Eaten shark *113. Drank an entire 6 pack by yourself *114. Gone to Thailand 115. Seen Siouxsie *116. Bought a house 117. Been in a combat zone 118. Buried one/both of your parents 119. Shaved all of your hair off *120. Been on a cruise ship 121. Spoken more than one language fluently 122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone 123. Bounced a check 124. Performed in theatre 125. Read - and understood - your credit report *126. Raised children 127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy *128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour *129. Created and named your own constellation of stars 130. Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country 131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did 132. Called or written your Congress person 133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over 135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 137. Had an abortion 138. Had plastic surgery 139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived 140. Wrote articles for a large publication 141. Lost over 100 pounds 142. Held someone while they were having a flashback 143. Piloted an airplane 144. Petted a stingray 145. Broken someone’s heart 146. Helped an animal give birth 147. Been fired or laid off from a job 148. Won money on a TV game show 149. Broken a bone 150. Killed a human being *151. Gone on an African photo safari 152. Ridden a motorcycle 153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph 154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 157. Ridden a horse 158. Had major surgery 159. Ridden on a passenger train 160. Had a snake as a pet 161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states *165. Visited all 7 continents 166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 167. Eaten kangaroo meat 168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground 169. Been a sperm or egg donor 170. Eaten sushi 171. Had your picture in the newspaper 172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime *173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about 174. Gotten someone fired for their actions 175. Gone back to school 176. Parasailed 177. Changed your name 178. Petted a cockroach 179. Eaten fried green tomatoes 180. Read The Iliad 181. Selected one "important” author who you missed in school, and read 182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them 183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you 184. Taught yourself an art from scratch 185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt *187. Skipped all your school reunions 188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language 189. Been elected to public office 190. Written your own computer language 191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care 193. Built your own PC from parts 194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 195. Had a booth at a street fair 196: Dyed your hair blue 197: Been a DJ 198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal 199: Written your own role playing game 200: Been arrested ====================== 1. I have self-mutilated before. 2. I still love the song Dragostea Din Tei 3. I used to like New Kids on the Block 4. The 80s was funny. 5. I have realtones enabled on my cellular phone. 6. Public bathrooms scare me 7. I have keys on my belt 8. I’m not wearing a belt 9. I hate writing 10. I hate reading 1. I love compilation CDs 12. My favorite teachers have all been guys 13. I think Bad Religion’s only been around for ten or so years 14. I don’t know who Bad Religion is. 15. I don’t wear my hood unless it’s raining 16. I enjoy smaller clubs rather than big ones 17. I’ve put a song on repeat for more than 8 hours 18. I have sound on my computer  19. Someone wants my hiney. 20. My mom loves Elvis 21. I have my own computer 22. I live on the east coast 23. My favorite animal is a kangaroo 24. I’m on vacation 25. I don’t own a pair of ripped jeans 26. I am very insecure somewhat 27. I love to dance 28. I curse way too much. 29. I choose the pansy way and star out my curse words (f*ck) 30. I feel dumb because I was just called a pansy 31. I have a flatscreen computer 32. I collect something. 33. I’m married 34. I won’t date someone who’s smaller than me smaller, as in also shorter? 35. Brass knuckles are the shit. 36. I own a hand puppet 37. I write with blue pens 38. I wear eye makeup almost every day 39. I wish I lived somewhere other than here 40. I don’t own a band shirt. Not yet anyway.. 41. I love techno. 42. I have my nipples pierced 43. I’m shitty at wrapping presents 44. I know someone in the KKK 45. I’m racist/anti-semitist. 46. I don’t know what those mean. 47. I love life most of the time 48. I have posters all over my room 49. I’ve never been a camera whore with someone.. And I want to. 50. I’m halfway done 51. I wish I lived in the 80s 52. I know what the term borgie means 53. I’m interested in social hierarchy. 54. I love music videos. 55. I have a DVD player 56. I’m drunk right now 57. I’m listening to music 58. I have a big screen TV 59. I have an STD 60. I know the singer of the Clash’s name 61. The only IM program I have is AIM 62. I skateboard regularly 63. I live on the north side of town 64. I have been to Alaska 65. I’ve worn a cowboy hat 66. I watch late night infomercials for retarded, unnecessary things 67. I LOVE DOING THE DEATH GROWL TO MY FAVORITE METAL SONGS. 68. That last question was dumb. 69. I know what the word “peligroso” means in English 70. I speak another language fluently 71. I’ve been in a limo 72. I own a bong 73. My lungs hurt 74. I know someone who’s committed suicide 75. I’ve got a six pack and I don’t need you! 76. I know what band sung the above line 77. I like strong boys. 78. I’m sick right now 79. I know someone who’s currently enlisted in the army 80. I do not own a color phone 81. My birthday is in September 82. I hate mall cops 83. I hate most cops in general 84. I’m wearing blush 85. I live in an apartment 86. I’m still in high school. 87. I own something from Victoria’s Secret 88. I don’t know a boy that wears girls pants 89. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 8. 90. Brownies are my favorite 91. So is cake 92. I’ve heard the song “Looks Good in Leather” 93. I own some sort of propaganda, fake or real 94. I deny the Holocaust happened 95. Kisses are my favorite sign of affection 96. I need to charge my phone 97. My purse could pass for a suitcase 98. I take birth control 99. I only buy what’s fashionable

1. I love bolding 2. I know someone named Mimi 3. I hate my old best friend 4. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jack n Coke 5. I have a digital camera 6. I’m talking to at least one person online 7. I like watching college basketball 8. I have never moved. 9. I have at least one cat 10. I have at least one dog 11. I’m going to see a movie tonight maybe 12. I make my own AIM icons 13. I’m in pain 14. I watch more than five shows a day 15. I love the Cure 16. My parents like some of the same music I do 17. I have never been to the dentist 18. I listen to the radio 19. I do my own laundry 20. I’ve made at least one article of clothing 21. I have/want something on my face pierced 22. I go to at least one concert a week 23. I’ve written a story 24. I’ve dyed my hair every color of the rainbow 25. I own a Grand Theft Auto game 26. My favorite pattern is camoflauge 27. I know someone who does/did cocaine 28. I have too many game systems 29. I love scary movies 30. I hate scary movies 31. I’ve had sex more than 5 times 32. My favorite chips are Lays Original 33. I think butter is unhealthy 34. I hate the Osbournes 35. I used to have dreadlocks 36. I need to take medicine for something 37. I suffer from insomnia 38. I speak ebonics 39. I’ve gambled 40. And won 41. I have at least one gay friend 42. I like going to pet stores 43. I own a dog toy 44. And I don’t have a dog 45. I own more than ten candles 46. I’ve smoked a cigarette in the shower before 47. I’ve flunked a class 48. I listen to music every day 49. I have more than one nickname 50. I wear pajamas when I feel like it 51. I’m wearing more than one jewelry item 52. I haven’t washed my hair in a week 53. I watch the Grammy’s every year 54. Along with the Macy’s Parade 55. My favorite season is winter 56. I have seen the All American Rejects live 57. And I’ve enjoyed it. 58. Boobs are nothing special 59. I go swimming at least once a week in summer. 60. I have a pool. 61. I’ve gone skinnydipping 62. I’ve played strip poker 63. And lost 64. I want a nautical star tattoo 65. My cell phone turns off when it’s charging 66. And it pisses me off 67. I used to buy my entire wardrobe from Hot Topic 68. I’ve been to albinoblacksheep.com 69. My favorite subject is History 70. And/or math 71. I am a republican 72. I am a democrat 73. I listen to the Used occasionally 74. I have been to the Warped Tour 75. I am part Mexican 76. I am part German 77. All of my grandparents are still alive. 79. I love bowling 80. I know that there is a South Park, Colorado 81. I love Dairy Queen 82. Sometimes I think I’m crazy 83. I own a Moffatts CD 84. I own a Backstreet Boys CD 85. I want plastic surgery 86. Operation, operation, snip and tie, snip and tie 87. I know what song that line is from 88. I have killed something [bugs!] 89. I’ve never had a Nokia cell phone 90. I’m never sarcastic 91. Light eyes turn me on 92. I have never been to a foreign country 93. I don’t eat enough 94. I own illegal weaponry 95. I know someone who has overdosed on something 96. And lived to tell about it 97. I don’t own a pair of mittens 98. I love the heat 99. I’ve never had a steady boyfriend/gf 100. I want to makeout.

[cardest]

Seattle playlist

Seattle and Twin Peaks, all in one playlist. This is the one! Think of it as an vacation in Seattle, you spend time in the city, you dine at the Salmon House, you get around town with this playlist. Then, you head out to Snoqualmie and see the Twin Peaks filming locations, grab a bite at Twede;s Cafe and go up Crystal Mountain, coffee at a Drive thru Big Foot Java and head down to Mt St Helens, boat ride out on Puget Sound and see members of Wolves in the Throne Room doing a forest dance in the Olympic Nat Forest! This is that Seattle playlist! Enjoy! For the songs to listen to, click here at the link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC193HJs9M2yvjz03VeeChqxt

SEATTLE PLAYLIST

001 Foo Fighters - Come Alive 002 Alice in Chains - Them Bones 003 Soundgarden - Loud Love 004 Heart - Crazy On You 005 Pearl Jam -  Spin The Black Circle 006 Seattle - Perry Como 007 Nevermore -  My Acid Words 008 Nirvana -  In Bloom 009 Melvins -  Honey Bucket 010 Trap Them - Hellionaires 011 Mother Love Bone -  Stardog Champion 012 Mudhoney - Touch Me I'm Sick 013 Paul Westerberg - Waiting For Somebody 014 Jimi Hendrix - May This Be Love 015 The Green Hornet   Main Theme   016 Screaming Trees -  More Or Less 017 Metal Church - Ton Of Bricks 018 Tad - Grease Box 019 Butt Trumpett - I Left My Flannel In Seattle 020 KMFDM - Moron 021 Soundgarden -  Sub Pop Rock City 022 Dinosaur Jr. - Pierce the Morning Rain 023 The Simpsons TV Show - Monorail song 024 Year of the Cobra - Persephone 025 Blondie - Under The Gun 026 Foo Fighters - Breakout 027 Autograph - Turn up the Radio 028 Neko Case - South Tacoma Way 029 Queensryche- jet city woman 030 Pearl Jam - Breath 031 Audrey Horne - Cards With The Devil 032  Blake Shelton - Sunny in Seattle 033 Swallow The Sun -  Ghost Of Laura Palmer 034 Fantomas -  Twin Peaks-Fire Walk With Me 035 VUM - Laura Palmer 036 Jimi Hendrix -  Little Miss Strange 037 Anthrax - Black Lodge 038 Willow - Seattle 039  Kenny Rogers - My Washington Woman 040 TWEAN PEAKS TV show - Falling 041 Church of Misery - I Motherfucker (Ted Bundy) 042 Alice in Chains - We Die Young 043 Temple Of The Dog - Pushin' Forward Back 044 Nine Inch Nails -  She's Gone Away 045 David Lynch -  The Line It Curves 046 Patty Loveless - Chains 047 Sir Mix A Lot - Baby Got Back 048 Screaming Trees -  Shadow Of The Season 049 ANGELO BADALAMENTI - Twin Peaks Theme 050 Nevermore - Bittersweet Feast 051 Duff McKagan - Seattle head 052 Helms Alee  - Spider Jar 053 Talking Seattle grunge band Todd Snider 054 Robyn Hitchcock - Viva! Sea Tac 055 Indian Handcrafts - Bruce Lee 056 Anti-Flag Seattle Was A Riot 057 Marcy Playground - The Shadow of Seattle 058 Presidents of the United States of America - Lump 059 Mudhoney - This Gift 060 Bell Witch - Judgement, In Fire: I - Garden (Of Blooming Ash) 061 Black Breath -  Forced Into Possession 062 The Material - Moving To Seattle 063 Lou Reed - Last Great American Whale 064 King Dude -  Satan's Ghost 065 Jane's Addiction - Ted, Just Admit It 066 Mommy Long Legs - Bitch Island 067 21 Jump Street - Theme song 068 Mentors - Rock 'Em Sock 'Em 069 Queensryche - Empire 070 Mad Season -  X-Ray Mind 071 Bloodbath - Anne 072 Heart - Heartless 073 Pearl Jam -  Go 074 Mother Love Bone -  Holy Roller 075 Old Man Gloom - Eden's gate 076 Tom Petty and the Fart Breakers - American Girl 077 Melvins - The Bit 078 Sunn O))) - The Gates of Ballard 079 My Sisters Machine - Enemy 080 Earth - Harvey 081 Alice in Chains -  Dam That River 082 Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl 083 Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio ? - Close But No Cigar 084 Bing Crosby - Black Ball Ferry Line 085 Hammerbox - Hed 086 the Accused - martha splatterhead 087 Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike 088 Native American Indian Artist Harold Alfred Kwakwaka'wakw Pacific Northwest Coast Art 089 Naomi Punk - Thru The Trees 090 Soundgarden -  Rusty Cage 091 Jerry Cantrell - Between 092 Brothers Of The Sonic Cloth - I Am 093 Casual Hex - Zorcho 094 Millennium - Millennium TV theme song 095 The Jimi Hendrix Experience -  Red House 096 Heart - Rock Deep 097 The Fabulous Wailers - Wailers House Party 098 La Luz - Brainwash 099 Sanctuary -  Arise And Purify 100 Soundgarden - Spoonman 101 Tad - Wood Goblins 102 Alice In Chains -  Rainier Fog 103 Attilio Mineo - Boeing Spacearium 104 Vouna  - Drowning City 105 The Monkeywrench - Flashy New Dance Steps 106 U-Men  - Gila 107 Gillan: - Puget Sound 108 Nirvana - Drain You 109 Wolves in the Throne Room - Angrboda 110 Drug Store - The Dwarves 111 CHRISTIAN MISTRESS - Open Road 112 Weird Al Yankovic - My Babys In Love With Eddie Vedder 113 Heir Apparent - Another Candle 114 Candlebox You 115 FAUNA   - The Golden Circle 116 JOHN BARRY - Game of Death _ 'Main Theme' 117 ZEKE - On The Road 118 Jimi Hendrix - Spanish Castle Magic 119 Quayde LaHüe Man In The Purple Robe 120 Hole - Rock Star 121 Beta Boys - The Zoo 122 Tomahawk - Totem 123 Earth -  Rise To Glory 124 Book of Black Earth - Cross Contamination 125 Wolves In The Throne Room - Woodland Cathedral 126 Audrey Horne -  Volcano Girl 127 Old St. Helen Song by Billy Jonas 128 Brothers Of The Sonic Cloth - Lava 129 The Bangles - I Got Nothing 130 Neil Diamond ~ Glory Road 131 POTUSA - Volcano 132 Weird Al Yankovic - Smells Like Nirvana 133 Eye of Nix - Keres 134 Mad Season - Locomotive 135 Vio-lence -  Serial Killer 136 CEREBRAL ROT - Repulsive Infestation Of Cadaver 137 Jackyl - The Lumberjack 138 Old Man Gloom -  The Volcano 139 Rbbie hill's family Affair - I just want to be 140 Nirvana - Stay Away 141 Foo Fighters - Subterranean 142 Public Image Ltd - Seattle 143 The Accüsed - Barracuda 144 Drawn and Quartered - Nefarious Rites 145 Sleater Kinney - Light Rail Coyote 146 DEATH - Crystal Mountain 147 FETID - Consumed Periphery From Steeping Corporeal Mess 148 Primus - Last Salmon Man 149 Pixies - Trompe Le Monde 150 Alice In Chains - So Far Under 151 Mos Generator - Shadowlands 152 The Lovemongers - Battle of Evermore 153 Big Business - Grounds for Divorce 154 Summoned by Giants - Ouch 155 MORTIFERUM - Funereal Hallucinations 156 Master Musicians Of Bukkake - A Mist Of Illnesses 157 Botch - To Our Friends in the Great White North 158 Tenacious D - The Metal 159 NUDITY -  Lectric Motions 160 Anhedonist - Estrangement 161 Blackouts - Probabilities 162 Wolvhammer - Clawing into Black Sun 163 Mamiffer - All That Is Beautiful 164 King Buzzo (with Trevor Dunn) - Science In Modern America 165 The Makers - I Just Might Crack 166 Forced Entry - Bludgeon 167 Sandrider - Rain 168 Soundgarden -  Let Me Drown 169 Isenordal - The Sorrow of a Shadowed World 170 Giants in the Trees + Kim Thayil - Drone 171 Theme From Get Carter OST 172 Heart - Dear Old America 173 Hole - teenage whore 174 Sunn O))) - it took the night to believe 175 Alice in Chains - secrets unknown 333 Queensryche - Anarchy-X 666 Screaming Trees - Nearly Lost You

Have I left out a band or song? Let me know! Cya at Dick’s Drive-in!!

[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ My Hero Academia [47/?] ◔

Hello, and welcome to my brand new fanfiction for the anime My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia! This anime makes me so happy and I’m always so hyped when I watch the anime. I’ve been reading a lot of fanfiction for the series lately, and I decided I wanted to write, one as well! I spent weeks trying to find a plot that worked for me and I’m so excited that I found one.

I’d like to give some information about the series before you begin reading!

First off, this fic will be written in the first-person point of view, occasionally switching to third-person for the story’s sake. The original character, Jen Winchester, is quite snarky and cusses like a sailor, so I’d like to add a warning for explicit language. I usually go with really angsty themes, and I was planning on making it that way at first, but I want to try and create a fic that makes people laugh and smile! That’s not to say there won’t be any angst at all, but I’m going to try and make it less so with her remarks and attitude.

While I am mainly writing this fic for myself because it makes me happy, I’m more than happy to share it with others! Hopefully, you guys enjoy it as much as I am. I hope you’ll take a moment to share your thoughts and comments with me~

As for the pairing, I haven’t yet decided who she will be paired with, but there will be romance later on. Currently, I’m thinking of Todoroki or someone from class 1-B, but this could change in the future. I will try my best not to make her a Mary-Sue or super overpowered. I’ve gone over the plot of this fic with my friend, who is super critical when it comes to the small details, so hopefully, everything will flow smoothly from one event to the other without too many plot holes.

I think that’s it! Thanks for stopping by, I hope you all enjoy this fic, I’m working really hard on it! ^-^)/

xoxo Rain

The title of this fic pays tribute to the song of the same name by I Prevail.

Jen Winchester grew up in a world where superpowers exist only on the big screen or lining the pages of books. She’s just a normal seventeen-year-old girl trying to make it through high school while fending off her childhood bullies, Skye and Heather, but she’s always been a problematic child in the eyes of those around her. She was raised by her grandfather, Shimazu Tegu, who did his best to act as both mother and father, but there is a lot he has kept hidden from her.

When her bullying is taken too far, Jen finds herself in a precarious situation – she gave Skye third-degree burns just by touching her face. Dazed and confused, her world begins to swirl around her like an unforgiving tornado. She is whisked away to a different world where most of the population have powers, known simply as ‘Quirks’.

She begins her journey of self-discovery, determined to find her place in the universe, all the while trying to piece together her mother’s haunting past. Does she have what it takes to become a hero? Or will she fall down the same dark path as her mother?

Join Jen as she begins the journey of a lifetime filled with snarky comments, foul language, and tomfoolery. It’s gonna be one hell of a ride!

⌥ Anime: My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia ⌥ Pairing: To Be Determined ⌥ Point of View: First Person ⌥ Status: On-going ⌥ Warnings: Explicit Language ⌥ Series Started: 10/10/2019 ⌥ Series Finished: ??

List to the Spotify Playlist for this series.

🔥                 ❝ Introduction & Table of Contents ❞ < you are HERE 🔥 …..001 ◈ Just A Dream? 〈Spoken, “Through It All”〉 🔥 …..002 ◈ No Longer in Ishikami 〈Thousand Foot Krutch, “Courtesy Call”〉 🔥 …..003 ◈ Not A Bad Person 〈I Prevail, “Lifelines”〉 🔥 …..004 ◈ Thieving Brunette 〈B.A.P, “Do What I Feel”〉 🔥 …..005 ◈ A Deal is Made 〈We As Human, “Take the Bullets Away”〉 🔥 …..006 ◈ Taco Ban 〈NCT Dream, “GO”〉 🔥 …..007 ◈ The Exam Begins 〈WAR*HALL, “King of the World”〉 🔥 …..008 ◈ Zero-Pointer 〈Manafest, “No Plan B”〉 🔥 …..009 ◈ LordXplosionMurder 〈The Score, “Miracle”〉 🔥 …..010 ◈ Unfairness 〈Five Finger Death Punch, “Jekyll and Hyde”〉 🔥 …..011 ◈ A Hero’s Style 〈Logic ft. Alessia Cara, “1-800-273-8255″〉 🔥 …..012 ◈ Realization 〈Skillet, “Set It Off”〉 🔥 …..013 ◈ Extra Factor 〈The Score, “Glory”〉 🔥 …..014 ◈ Social Interaction? Effort. 〈A Day to Remember, “All I Want”〉 🔥 …..015 ◈ Security Breach 〈I Prevail, “Paranoid”〉 🔥 …..016 ◈ A Hard Lesson 〈The Score, “Unstoppable”〉 🔥 …..017 ◈ Gravedigger 〈Our Last Night, “Sunrise”〉 🔥 …..018 ◈ Calming Peppermint 〈Simple Plan, “Last One Standing”〉 🔥 …..019 ◈ Coming Clean 〈Nevertel, “Down”〉 🔥 …..020 ◈ Living Valley Online 〈Dua Lipa, “Blow Your Mind (Mwah)”〉 🔥 …..021 ◈ Dragonlings 〈Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Willaims, “The Triumph”〉 🔥 …..022 ◈ Winchester’s Starting Line 〈Ellie Goulding, “Hollow Crown”〉 🔥 …..023 ◈ Sports Festival? 〈Solence, “Phoenix”〉 🔥 …..024 ◈ Surprise 〈The Script, “Hall of Fame”〉 🔥 …..025 ◈ Top Two 〈Billie Eilish, “You Should See Me In A Crown”〉 🔥                  ≈/ Note About the Sports Festival \≈ 🔥 …..026 ◈ Robo-Inferno 〈TheOdd1sOut & Boyinaband, “Life is Fun”〉 🔥 …..027 ◈ Cruel and Insane 〈The Score, “Born for This”〉 🔥 …..028 ◈ Ten Million Madness 〈B.A.P, “Wake Me Up”〉 🔥 …..029 ◈ Todoroki’s Story 〈I Prevail, “Bow Down”〉 🔥 …..030 ◈ Scavenger Hunt 〈Zayde Wolf, “Rule the World (Generdyn Remix)”〉 🔥 …..031 ◈ Finals Begin! 〈Fall Out Boy, “Centuries”〉 🔥 …..032 ◈ Insanity Loves Company 〈SZA, The Weekend & Travis Scott, “Power is Power”〉 🔥 …..033 ◈ That’s Quick Match 〈C-Clown, “Justice”〉 🔥 …..034 ◈ Jen versus Iida 〈Thousand Foot Krutch, “Fly on the Wall”〉 🔥 …..035 ◈ Consequences 〈Mosaic, “Hollow”〉 🔥 …..036 ◈ Hero Law 〈Shaman’s Harvest, “Ten Million Voices”〉 🔥 …..037 ◈ Awards Ceremony 〈Smash Into Pieces, “Hall of Fame”〉 🔥 …..038 ◈ Wildest Fantasies 〈The Score, “Believe”〉 🔥 Special ◈ Thanksgiving Special 〈Nicole Westbrook, “It’s Thanksgiving”〉 🔥 …..039 ◈ Hero Informatics 〈Zayde Wolf, “Gladiator”〉 🔥 …..040 ◈ Code Names 〈Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Imagine Dragons, Logic & Ty Dolla $ign, “Sucker for Pain”〉 🔥 …..041 ◈ The Bakugo Family 〈P!nk, “Raise Your Glass”〉 🔥 …..042 ◈ Taken 〈Eskimo Callboy, “Supernova”〉 🔥 …..043 ◈ Karma’s A Bitch 〈AmaLee, “Again (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood Cover)”〉 🔥 …..044 ◈ To Be A Hero 〈Seventh Day Slumber, “We Are the Broken”〉 🔥 …..045 ◈ Abuse of Power 〈Vickeblanka, “Black Rover”〉 🔥 …..046 ◈ Family 〈Jonathan Young, “Hero (One Punch Man Cover)”〉 🔥 …..047 ◈ Teamwork 〈Mackenzie Ziegler, “Teamwork”〉 🔥 #048 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #049 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #050 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #051 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #052 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #053 ◈ 〈, “”〉 🔥 #054 ◈ 〈, “”〉

[cinematicnomad]

4, 6, 10, 11, 18, 24? :)

004. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

He blinked away tears and stared down at his midsection as Peter pulled his hand away. Bizarrely, all he could think about in that moment was how his mom had to have him by C-section. He wondered if that wasn’t what Peter wanted: for Stiles to birth his Alpha spark into existence with his own blood and sweat and magic.

this was chosen entirely for the fact that i came up with that c-section imagery like ... 3 years before i finally got a chance to write it into taste your beating heart and i LOVE IT even though i don’t think any reader has ever commented on it lol 

006. what character do you have the most fun writing? oh. UH. i really like writing stiles, and buck. surprisingly, peter was really fun to write in taste your beating heart? i didn’t expect that, but i like writing sarcastic characters and he is definitely good for that. 

010. how would you describe your writing process? my writing process is a MESS, for the most part i just like, get an idea and then i BINGE WRITE until i have to stop. i have a couple playlists that have some soothing music (to me? think like, mumford & sons and daughter and bon iver etc) that i play v quietly and set on repeat. i prefer to write at night but i can write during the day if i’m already on a rampage. taste your beating heart was an outlier in that it took me 7 years to write (i say that, but really once i buckled down to write it it was more like 3 years) and i wrote a whole outline that went chapter-by-chapter, scene-by-scene. but normally it’s more like the fic i wrote this weekend—someone sent me a 4 word prompt and then i vomited out 14k+ in like 24 hours. 

011. what do you envy in other writers? UM like i already told you, i am crazy jealous of writers who are v good at evoking/describing a specific time and place and space etc. i have no spatial awareness and my writing is often...v amorphous, there’s no real frame of reference for the place. i had a writing professor be like “you’ve lived in so many places?? i would think place would be a much stronger presence in your writing” and i honestly think it’s the opposite, that i’ve lived in so many places that i write as though place doesn’t matter bc the relationships are the same. but i am seriously so, so, so jealous of writers who can like...make me see exactly what they’re describing and where the story is taking place and what’s happening. 

018. do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) tell us about them. okay well, you never said a word is a sterek au fic about derek and stiles meeting at grief therapy where stiles is dealing with his mom’s death and derek is dealing with the murder of his family (and his guilt about kate). i then re-wrote the fic as a piece of original short fiction called embers that loosely follows the same thread—only in this story the derek!character is grieving the loss of his older sister who died in a drunk driving accident. it’s much quieter and less plot focused and is more about how he connects with his parents during this time and how the stiles!characters helps him process his grief and how they find each other more helpful than the actual group therapy sessions. 

024. would you say your writing has changed over time? um, i’m sure it has? i’m not sure i could describe how if i tried though (i mean, other than the obvious of like, when i was 12 second person perspective fics were v popular and overtime i moved into third person perspective etc). 

fun meta asks for writers

[iceablaze-blog]

TAG DUMP: SHOUTO!

[iceablaze]

burning cities and napalm skies

                fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

[nyappyforeverbr]

100 Questions&Answers: Yuuki MEMORIAL ARTIST BOOK

In addition to several photos AN CAFE Memorial Artist Book also brought an interview and a special questionnaire of 100 questions with each of the 5 members. Here is the translation of the 100 questions with Yuuki’s 100 answers.

Translate: Japanese>Portuguese by Hiyori Portuguese>English by Shiro 001 How many sushi can you eat? 15 002 Which sushi's ingredient do you like? Breaded shrimp, tuna, corn and salad 003 If you have to eat something until you die, what it would be? Mochi 004 Which kind of lamen do you think has the strongest flavor? Tenkaippin 005 What do you in like in a hot drink? Bergamot Orange by Earl Grey 006 Which mixture do you think most matches rice? Shogayaki 007 What flavor of chewing gum do you like? Blueberry 008 What flavor of candies do you like? Milk-based 009 Soba or udon? Udon NOTE: Soba is a pasta made from buckwheat and udon is made from wheat only 010 Of your whole life, what was the most painful experience you've ever faced? (referring to physical damages) When I fell in the show 011 One part of body that demonstrates more confidence? Nose 012 What do you think about old times? Sloth 013 If you had won 100.000 yen what you would make? (Around 900 dolars) Renovate the furniture of the house 014 And about 100.000.000 yen? (Around 900.000 dolars) I would buy a house for me and my family and put the rest into the savings 015 I know this is kind out of reality, but if you could have a wild animal, which would be? I would be the capybara, they are very cute 016 To Cook, wash clothes, clean the house. Which one do you do better? Cook 017 If you were going for a walk with your girlfriend, where would you go? Hot Springs 018 Where would you spend your last days of life? (If you were an old man where would you want to live?) and why? Somewhere in a countryside, I think because I would have more social contact and I would do an exchange program 019 Is there anyone you consider to be the strongest person in the world? Of course it’s the candies 020 An anime character, manga, etc. that you consider to be the strongest?Deadpool 021 If you could turn into some anime character or something like this, who would you choose? The spiderman 022 First CD you bought? The album of Morning Musume 023 Your preferred winter song? “Yuki no Hana” 024 Your preferred xmas song? Meri Kuri 025 Forgetting that you were part of a band, if you were about to start one, what would it take? And why? A bass, they play fast and I can barely hear 026 And what would be the name you would choose for the band? Sweet Sweet 027 If you went to a desert island and could only take three things, what would it take? 1. Survival Knife2. Solar battery3. Cellphone 028 Do you know how to swim? Yes 029 Something you would never want to happen? Bungee jumping 030 If you were a child, how would you like to be called? At that time I seriously wanted to change this, something like Ramune, I even thought in DQN 031 Do you speak when sleeping? If yes, talk about something already happened to you.For now there is no information to prove this 032 If it was your last day of life, what would you do? I would like to stay with the person I like 033 What was the longest time you could stay awake? I guess it was about 60 hours or less? 034 If you could become someone important in history, who would you be? I don't admire anyone in particular... 035 Do you use a lot of emoticon on LINE? Have you been using LINE lately I’ve been using! The emoticon is Tsukkomi Kuma 036 What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "Hm? This? Afro? Yes Yes! It's my natural hair!" 037 Write the kanji that you think represents 2019 and why? 探 Because I'm looking for my new “me” NOTE: kanji's meaning is: to feel around for; to fumble for; to grope for; to search for; to look for 038 The most expensive thing you bought this year? On Kanon's birthday, I bought him an automatic machine to prepare several types of egg NOTE: If you’re interested in know how this looks like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk0dfEiiBS8 039 The most convenient thing you bought recently? A cardcover for the Suica card, I bought this year NOTE: Suica (スイカ Suika) is a rechargeable contactless smart card, electronic money used as a fare card on train lines in Japan. 040 A number from 0 to 9 that you like more than others? 04 41 Your longest finger without the middle finger, is it your index finger? Ring finger? Or are they both the same size? Ring finger 042 The word you most speak? “I don’t know, but…” 043 At what time do you think "I'm being bourgeois"? When I prepare a dish and the ingredients are all very expensive 044 If you could have powers, which one would you choose? Power to make barriers 045 If there was a magic word that said things would happen, what would it be? Oh, yes! 046 If you have to choose a follow up for the curry what would it be? Cheese 047 Some kind of punishment game you'd like to avoid? Need jump from somewhere high 048 Do you like of a specific hour? Why? The night. Because I prefer night-time habits 049 How much would you pay for a T-shirt? 2.900 yen (Around 27 dollars) 050 Tell something you would say to you 10 years ago.Are you living!? Are you happy with this!? 051 If it was 50 years ago, what would you be doing? I would be happy... I guess? It would be all right... I guess? 052 How could you imagine yourself 10,000 years ago? I think the language would be completely different... 053 What is the first impression you have of each member of An Cafe? Miku: A handsome guy; Takuya: A reserved stylish dandy; Kanon: Ha? He scares me? He scares me?; Teruki: has a high voice 054 If underwear could have another name, what would you call it? “what you wear underneath” 055 A live that you can not forget? The first live in Shinjuku 056 During those 15 years which member has changed the most? I would not say one in particular. Other than me, if it's just about them, I think their feelings have changed. 057 Do you prefer the traditional breakfast or bread? I don't eat breakfast 058 A teacher you always remember? He was a teacher who was always angry 059 The most fun song in a live? "Darling” and “Hatsumitsu + Lemon = ?” Look like happy songs to me 060 Where do you most like to do a live? Shinjuku Reny 061 A thing you most buy at a convenience store? Jasmine tea 062 If you were not an artist, which career would you choose? A confectioner ... I guess? 063 Which city goes through your head before a live? After I joined An Cafe,, the first city we come back, Kagoshima 064 A stationery item that you like? Ruler 065 An electronic device that you like? Electric oven 066 A person you think is erotic? A friend from high school age 067 What do you think of the vocaloids? Incredible. They are conquering the world, no? 068 A TV show that you like? Ame Talk 069 What's the first live you've been? Precisely in Bou's last live 070 How many pairs of shoes do you have? I think about 3 pairs 071 What is your average time in the bath? 30 minutes, I think 072 A mobile app you liked right away? LINE 073 Do you use a computer for what purpose primarily? I want to use at the same time I use my cell phone 074 What have you found funny lately? Those funny things that happen on TV 075 Who would you most like to meet? My best friends of long time ago 076 When you were a kid, who was your superhero? It was a Power Ranger (I just can't remember which one) 077 The flavor of Umaibo that you like? Mentaiko (Pollock roe) NOTE: Umaibō or "delicious stick" is a small corn cylindrical snack from Japan. 078 An entertaining artist that you like? Tokyo 030 79 First time you did a makeup? After I joined An Cafe 080 Talk a little bit about your first live. I didn't understand very well what I could do and always was standing without doing anything at all (lol) 081 Do you prefer night or day? Night! 082 When you can't sleep what do you do? I watch lives about games 083 Not counting your part in the band, which musical instrument do you like? Guitars, because they're so stylish, no? 084 The oldest memory you have? When I was a kid, I asked them to buy me a gumball machine 085 What color do you like? Black and white 086 What is your favorite mascot? Kanon 087 Where do you usually buy your clothes? GU! 088 Are there any manga or magazines that you buy frequently? One Piece 089 How long you already waited for a person who did not show up? I calculate the exact time of things, so it was about 3 hours and 24 minutes 090 How many times can you do sit-ups? Lately I'm not counting, so I don't know... 091 At this exact moment how much you have in your wallet? When I saw it was 534 yen (Around 5 dolllars) 092 Which Cocoichi curry do you think is the most spicy and the topping? Level 2 and cheese topping NOTE: Cocoichi is a Japanese restaurant franchise specialized in curry 093 Subject at school that you was better? Physical education and music 094 Subject at school that you was worst? Apart from those I’ve mentioned now... 095 What do you do before each live? I get worried about the setlist and keep reminding myself over and over again 096 What is the essential item for a live? Cell phone and recharge batteries for backup 097 Are there any objects that you can not throw away? Things that make me have memories, even just a little bit, I can't throw it away 098 What do you usually buy at McDonald's? French fries! 099 What do you use at bedtime? For over 1 year I have been wearing a jersey shirt 100 Leave a message to Caffekos. Thank you very much for your support! From now on I want us to continue living supporting each other!

[bitchassbucky]

Ｗｏｒｋｓ + Ｏｔｈｅｒ Ｓｔｕｆｆ

📍📎 All my works are not to be reposted, published, and copied anywhere else but here and on my backup blog @bitchassbackup and my dark!blog @bitchassbucky-afterdark (also please don’t steal these graphics I made, ty!)

📎 If you are NOT 18 years old, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH MY BLOG OR ANY 18+ BLOGS. You can get US into a VERY REAL, VERY TEDIOUS LEGAL TROUBLE. DO NOT BE SELFISH.

If you are of LEGAL age, please enjoy yourself and make sure to leave a note or a comment, all likes and reblogs are welcome!

📎 Please heed all the warnings, let me know if I missed something.

📎 I’m currently migrating all my dark stuff over at @bitchassbucky-afterdark​, come check it out! Except for CTRL.

📎Ｌｅｇｅｎｄｓ:

💜 - Ｐｅｒｓｏｎａｌ ｆａｖｏｒｉｔｅ

📍- Ｒｅｃｅｎｔ ｗｏｒｋｓ

📂 - Cｏｍｍｉｓｉｏｎｅｄ ｐｏｓｔ

[ ＸＸＸ ] - Ｎｕｍｂｅｒｉｎｇ ｓｙｓｔｅｍ

[ ??? ] - Ｌａｔｅ ａｄｄｉｔｉｏｎ

📎Ｌａｔｅｓｔ ｗｏｒｋ:

📍📂 [ 084 ] ~For You | fluff and angst, Avenger!Bucky gets picked up by the newest addition to the crew.

📎Ｃｏｍｍｉｓｓｉｏｎｓ ｈｅｒｅ

📎 All 500 words and more!

[ 001 ] Take It Off | smut, wherein Professor!Bucky teaches his student a lesson.

[ 002 ] You're No Fun | fluff, wherein Bucky texts the girl of his dreams.

[ 003 ] Words | fluff, wherein Bucky realizes that she trusts him with all her heart.

[ 004 ] Too Late | angst, wherein Bucky doesn’t know what he lost that night.

💜[ 005 ] Reciprocation | smut and angst, wherein Bucky wants her to stay.

💜[ 005.1 ] Parasitism | angst, wherein Bucky meets her again and yearns.

[ 006 ] Naps | fluff, wherein Bucky meets a (sleeping) stranger.

[ 007 ] Here | smut, wherein Bucky comes home to his girl.

[ 008 ] History | angst, wherein Bucky lives a long, fruitful life.

💜[ 009 ] Bother | smut, wherein Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky gets the girl (again).

💜[ 010 ] Back To You | fluff, wherein Sam joins in on your karaoke night and realizes something.

💜[ 010.1 ] Dimples | fluff, wherein Sam comforts you.

💜 [ 010.2 ] Inked | fluff, wherein Sam sees your back tattoo.

💜[ 011 ] Me/You | smut, wherein Mean!Bucky lets out his frustrations.

💜 [ 012 ] Casual Conversations | fluff and smut, wherein Bucky does his best work, and yet you're still distracted.

[ 078 ] Moment's Silence | smut, wherein Bucky receives a blowjob from you. (Playlist included!)

[ ??? ] Lowkey | smut, wherein Fuckbuddy!Bucky visits you while you're working at home.

[ 081 ] L*ve | angst and smut, wherein FWB!Bucky trips over his words.

[ 083 ] Sana | angst, wherein Bucky feels like you're falling out of love with him.

📍📂 [ 084 ] ~For You | fluff and angst, Avenger!Bucky gets picked up by the newest addition to the crew.

📎 Ｃｏｌｌａｂｓ

[ 013 ] Twined: A Soulmate AU (with @honeyvbarnes) | fluff, wherein Bucky meets his soulmate at the beach.

📎 All 500 words and less!

[ 014 ] Losing You | angst, wherein Bucky loses his girl for good. 

[ 014.1 ] The Redux

[ 015 ] Help Me! | fluff, wherein Bucky helps his girl get a puppy.

[ 016 ] Baby | smut, wherein Bucky wants to keep himself warm.

[ 017 ] I Do, I Don’t | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky says the ‘L’ word.

[ 018 ] Be My Mistake | angst, wherein Bucky decides whether he stays or not.

[ 019 ] Jealous | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky confesses something.

[ 020 ] Good As Hell | fluff, wherein Bucky gives you a ride.

💜 [ 021 ] Of Late Dinners and Idiots | angst and fluff, wherein Bucky does something risky.

[ 022 ] Only You | angst, fluff, alludes to smut, wherein Bucky asks you a question.

[ 023 ] Coming Home | fluff, wherein you are the constant in Sharon's new life.

[ 024 ] Shotgun | smut-adjacent, wherein Bucky has a ritual after sex.

[ 082 ] Labels | fluff, wherein Bucky meets a fleeting stranger.

📎 All 200 words or less!

[ 025 ] Baking with Bucky | fluff, wherein Bucky bakes with Filipina!Reader.

[ 026 ] Born Sick | dark, wherein Bucky wants to take care of you.

[ 027 ] Heathen | dark, wherein Priest!Bucky wants to punish you.

💜 [ 028 ] Sharing is Caring | fluff, wherein Bucky shares his fries with you.

[ 029 ] Hopelessly Devoted To You | fluff-adjacent, wherein Natasha promises you a better future.

[ 030] Dreams Do Come True | dark, wherein Bucky receives a special gift from Steve.

[ 031 ] It Felt Like It | fluff, wherein Bucky thinks you hate him.

[ 032 ] You | angst, wherein Bucky lets you choose someone else.

[ 033 ] Easy | fluff, wherein Bucky lets you know he loves you in ways he can.

💜 [ 034 ] Pet | smut, wherein Bucky calls you ‘daddy.’

💜 [ 034.1 ] Two

💜 [ 034.2 ] Three

[ 035 ] The Mark | unknown, wherein Bucky meets a stranger from his past.

[ 036 ] POV | fluff, wherein Bucky loves gazing into your eyes.

[ 037 ] In Your Face | unknown, wherein Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky gets rejected.

[ 038 ] Looks | smut-adjacent, wherein Bucky reacts to your outfit.

[ 039 ] Drunk!Bucky: Headcanon

[ 040 ] First "I love you" with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 041 ] Sex Playlist with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 042 ] Rainy Mornings with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 043 ] Prince!Bucky: Headcanon 

[ 044 ] Ice Cream Date with Bucky: Headcanon

[ 045 ] Bucky Walking In On You Dancing: Headcanon

💜 [ 046 ] Silly Sex with Beefy!Bucky: Headcanon

💜 [ 046.1 ] Bonus Content

💜 [ 046.2] Another Bonus Content

💜 [ 046.3 ] Bonus Content Cubed

[ 047 ] Bucky as a Boyfriend: Headcanon

[ 079 ] Bucky as an Ex-boyfriend: Headcanon

[ 048 ] The one where the reader says, “Nobody fucks with my friends. Except me. But that’s different.” (High school AU Steve and Bucky, everyone involved is 18.)

[ 049 ] The one where the reader says, “Do you wanna talk about it or should we just snuggle?” to Bucky Barnes.

[ 050 ] The one where the reader says, “tangina mo!” to Bucky Barnes.

💜[ 051 ] The one where the reader spells ‘coconuts’ with Bucky Barnes. (smut!)

[ 052 ] The one where the reader and Bucky Barnes fall asleep on each other during movie night.

[ 053 ] The one where you’re married to Bucky Barnes and he caught a new agent flirting with you.

[ 054 ] The one where Bucky Barnes caught you lying to him. (angst!)

💜 [ 055 ] The one where you thought Bucky Barnes was a player when he was growing up.

[ 056 ] The one where Bucky Barnes masturbates using his metal fist. (smut!) 

[ 057 ] The one where Bucky Barnes takes your relationship to the next level.

[ 058 ] The one where you confess your feelings for Natasha Romanoff. (angst!)

[ 059 ] The one where 40s!Bucky Barnes leaves you—for good. (angst!)

💜 [ 060 ] The one where Bucky Barnes sleeps on the floor. (angst!)

[ 061 ] The one where Bucky Barnes shaves off his beard.

[ 062 ] The one where Bucky Barnes got interrupted during a blowjob. (smut!)

[ 063 ] The one where Bucky Barnes fucks you in his backseat. (smut!)

[ 076 ] The one where Mean!Fuckboy!Bucky Barnes sees you with an ex. (smut!)

[ 077 ] The one where Bucky Barnes says, "what did you do?"

[ 080 ] The one where you find out what Bucky Barnes’ lips taste like.

[ 064 ] Aberration (Bucky x Reader, on-hold) 

📖 Polar opposites Y/N and Bucky are forced to hang out with each other. Whether by faith or by their mutual friends, they have to work through their differences to find their similarities.

[ 065 ] Spurious (Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader, on-hold)

📖 Steve Rogers taught you how to love deeply and irrevocably, something that you have never done before. He also taught you how to live with regrets and what-ifs.

Bucky Barnes taught you patience and resiliency, something you have done before. He also taught you forgiveness and how to be open to second chances.

One anchored you to the past while one waits patiently for the future. How long would it take you to realize that there are people who will love you for who you truly are?

💜 [ 066 ] Undercover Lover (Fuckboy!Bucky x F!Reader)

📖 A collection of non-linear stories involving Fuckboy!Bucky written by yours truly.

💜 [ 067 ] CTRL (Dark!Bucky x Dark!F!Reader)

📖 Controlling your impulses is hard, cleaning up your mess is even harder.

📎 Ｓｏｃｉａｌ Ｍｅｄｉａ ＡＵｓ

[ 068 ] Oops, Sorry (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, on-hold)

[ 069 ] Decisions (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, on-hold)

[ 070 ] Disconnected (Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, slow updates)

[ 071 ] Forget Me (Too) (UNOFFICIAL Social Media AU Bucky x Reader, spontaneous updates)

[ 072 ] A Bitchass Holiday, 2019 - Masterlist here!

[ 073 ] Bitchassbucky’s Slutmas, 2020 - Masterlist here!

[ 074 ] Bitchassbucky’s Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? - Masterlist here!

[ 075 ] Bitchassbucky's Highway 63 (Almost-there 2K Writing Challenge) - Masterlist here!

[lesbianmakototachibana]

A young woman contacted me earlier this year to discuss her PhD adviser. He would follow her around the lab, shaming her in others’ presence, yelling that she was incompetent and that her experiments were done incorrectly. She wanted nothing more than to minimize contact with him, but she felt trapped. Starting in another lab would mean losing nearly three years of work.

News stories in the past few weeks show this situation to be all too common. Scholars call this kind of workplace bullying abusive supervision. It’s a phenomenon I’ve studied for more than 12 years.

Studies suggest rates of bullying are higher in academic settings than in other workplaces (L. Keashly and J. H. Neuman Admin. Theory Praxis 32, 48–70; 2010), but I have no evidence that scientists are more likely than the general population to have characteristics of abusers or their targets. I do think that academic science is a breeding ground for toxic dynamics, mainly because lab heads have so much power over their trainees.

Abusive supervision is more than the occasional lapse into insults, snubs or invasions of privacy. Similar to non-physical domestic abuse, it is defined by sustained hostile behaviour, such as ridiculing, threatening, backbiting and blaming. The ‘causes’ fall into three categories: characteristics of the target, the supervisor and the situation.

Abusive supervisors often target specific individuals: some pick on their best workers, but poor performers are especially vulnerable. So are those who are different from their adviser, including in gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation. The strongest predictors involve deeper differences, such as working styles, that promote conflict.

Some individuals are more likely to be abusive. Even well-intentioned people in authority are vulnerable to ‘power poisoning’, which makes them less considerate of others’ needs. People who have trouble managing their emotions are more likely to be seen as abusive by employees. So are those with a history of family abuse, or traits such as Machiavellianism (cheating in pursuit of one’s interests). And someone who experienced bullying as they rose through the system will often go on to bully.

Stress and perceptions of injustice from above or from external power brokers are also factors. In academic science, lab heads are under pressure from their institutions to publish papers and get grants; that pressure is often passed down to lab members as bullying.

Some supervisors get away with abuse for years. The tendency of universities to take a hands-off approach in the name of academic freedom provides few brakes on outrageous behaviours.

In most workplaces, a bullying boss would see high rates of employee turnover. But in many ways, lab members are captive, making them more vulnerable to abuse. PhD students and postdocs depend on supervisors for publications, funds and letters of recommendation. Changing advisers means years of lost work and, often, damage to a trainee’s reputation. The longer a lab member remains, the greater their commitment to finishing their work under that person, despite abuse.

Abusive supervision has consequences. Those who are abused experience psychological distress, dissatisfaction, emotional exhaustion and depression. It triggers counterproductive behaviours, such as retaliation, aggression towards others and aggression towards the organization — although rarely towards the supervisor. People who are targeted tend to minimize interactions with abusers, although this does not alleviate distress. Social-science experiments suggest feelings of social exclusion, anxiety and stress can lead to unethical choices, such as fudging results (M. Kouchaki and S. D. Desai J. Appl. Psychol. 100, 360–375; 2015).

Those experiencing abuse can react in three ways. Most just tough it out, and suffer the psychological consequences. Some change advisers, setting them back in their training but improving their well-being. After talking to me, the young woman decided to gently confront her adviser. She would tell him that she was uncomfortable with his yelling and would prefer that he speak to her calmly, giving her feedback about what she was doing right and wrong. I never found out whether things improved for her.

Research suggests that only a few confront their bullies, either by speaking up about injustices or explicitly stating how they expect to be treated (B. J. Tepper et al. Acad. Manage. J. http://doi.org/cs82; 2007).This can improve well-being, but it is risky. Carefully seeking out emeritus faculty members or graduate advisers can help; they might offer insight or be able to intervene with less risk to themselves than some. And the line between abusive behaviour and tough, objective and constructive feedback is not always clear.

The best move is never to join a bully’s lab. Prospective lab members must ask current ones what it is like to work with the supervisor. Hesitation or responses such as “Being associated with Dr X is an honour, but …” should give them pause. Too many students look to work with a big name who has lots of publications instead of heeding warnings.

Research institutions must do more to watch for and eliminate abuse. Feedback from lab members should be part of supervisors’ appraisals, hiring and promotion. Institutions should conduct exit interviews of lab members, and survey them a few years after leaving. Funders should reward institutions that do this, perhaps with more-favourable indirect costs on grants. In the most egregious cases, institutions should dismiss faculty members or strip abusive supervisors of their right to train PhD students. And the system must create navigable paths for early-career researchers to switch supervisors. When penalties are rare, bad behaviour can thrive. Let’s change that.

It probably never occurred to many Americans that this is happening.

And, we wonder why young Americans don’t become scientists, and they have to be imported.