#11 was bad and 12 was fine but i don't really care idk

[rapidhighway]

I miss nine and ten so bad I'm gonna be sick no one did it like them ever again ououuughhhh

[obae-me]

Yes! Finally someone said it!

At first when I saw the interaction I went- hey he's being such a jerk- Ohhhhh wait! This is literally him wanting us to stay soo fricking bad, but Mr.Pridey McPridepants just can't admit it. OFC HE WOULD TRY TO IMPRESS US (even if this emotionally constipated man can't differ b/w chivalry and being an asshole). He's trying to so bloody hard to sweet talk his way into us staying. Even if he's being forceful and manipulative; it's because he's so shit scared of giving us the choice and then us choosing to go cuz he KNOWS wherever we going must mean a lot to us especially when we are going such great lengths to return.

Not to say, that this behavior is ok or good but at the end of the day isn't obey me about flawed and morally grey characters? Even the ANGELS aren't perfect and morally sound, and if I dare say, sometimes they make decisions even crueler than the demons. We are literally talking about the AVATAR OF PRIDE HERE! XD

Literally as soon as you look past the image that he literally puts up cuz he wants ppl to see him that way, you will realize that he really is just a soggy, pathetic man who can't put aside his pride to ask us to stay like a normal person XD Also to point out a lot of ppl LIKE Levi and Mammon BECAUSE OF their pathos lol.

I have always seen that there is SUCH a double standard when it comes to him. Ppl say that he's being too fake and only cares about his image and not his brothers, but when he does show his softer side, they say he's not being genuine or he's pushy or something of the sort. What most ppl fail to see is that he loves his brothers and mc, probably even more than his own life but he's just so bad at showing it because he is held back by his own trauma and sin. While that does not make him innocent... that does make him like his brothers. He acts this way because thats literally the only way he knows how to keep things in his control and keep his family safe and ppl fall for it ... LIKE IT'S NOT THE REAL HIM! TvT

I have this theory (might be a hot take idk?) that most of the ppl playing obey me are pretty young, so they don't like Lucifer because they are anti-authority (I also am, its not a bad thing) but this man is anything but Authority and Power. I might be a lucifer apologist lol but all I am saying is for ppl to look at him with the same open-minded lens they see the other brothers with and you might find him a lot more bearable and dare I say... likeable?

Phew, sorry for rambling in your inbox but I have some strong feelings for that stupid old man XD Also, this feels a lot similar to how expectations are so high and rigid for the eldest sibling whereas these same expectations become a lot less severe for the other siblings...

Firstly, thank you for calling him a soggy pathetic man, that gave me a good chuckle.

And YES! All of this, 100% yes. He doesn't want to admit that there are other things out there more important than him. Not just because of his Pride, but because he finally let someone else behind the walls he put up around his heart (we saw this around Nightbringer lessons 11 and 12, when he was ready to be THE enemy to protect his family, only to end up admitting to himself that he cared about MC just as much) and now, after all that, MC is determined to leave. I'm sure somewhere in his mind, he feels like he's failed.

He's puffing up his feathers as big as he can and screaming "look at me, look at me, look at me"! The big peacock man is flailing.

He's afraid. He's hurt. And so now these weird (and problematic) safety mechanisms are being put in place to protect himself.

Things in his mind are SO 'not fine' that now he's parading around trying to convince everyone (including himself) that everything is perfectly fine! Everything is perfect, everything is great, the outfits he chose are pristine, the food he settled on is text-book. It feels like he's following some sort of guide, like even the things he's saying have been pulled from a novel somewhere. It's not quite the way he normally speaks. If everything can play out the way he sees it in his head, there won't be room for error. Right?

And this isn't new behavior either. It was the ENTIRE plot of season 1 in Shall We Date. Lucifer locked Belphie away because he was worried of what might happen to his sibling. But in a way, 'protecting' his brother was mostly protecting himself.

He's worked so hard to create what he has, that he can't stand the idea of losing it all.

There's also a whole spiel I could go into about how everyone in the family fills a certain "group" role that keeps everything balanced and running smoothly (as smooth as it can get for them). For example, Mammon is the energy of the group, the drive. Beel is the motivator, the encourager. Asmo is the dreamer, etc. Lucifer has to be the guider, the manager, the authoritarian.

While, yes on multiple occasions, he's dismissed his brother's wild antics outright, there have been so many other instances where his brothers say "I want ___" and he gives them the advice or the structure they need to accomplish it successfully. OR even ending up providing it himself should his brother's wishes be genuine (Mammon's car for example).

When he's more on his own, he can drop that uptightness completely. As we see again in Shall We Date, when they're taken to the video game world, and when he doesn't have the worries and responsibilities placed onto his shoulders, he's capable of skipping classes to take a nap on the roof. And fully enjoys it, with a smile on his face and everything.

At the very root of him, while he needs to fulfill the controlling dynamic, he does not want to. At least not completely.

I've always known this, but Nightbringer actually gave me a big confirmation boost! In Wanders Whereabouts, Barbatos gives Lucifer a video call in which he tells Lucifer about all the recent trouble the brothers have gotten themselves into. Barbatos then proceeds to let Lucifer know that as their guardian, the eldest needs to essentially work harder to keep them in line. Then Barbatos sends the damages bill to him.

If he isn't constantly keeping his siblings in line, he takes most of the blame!

And thirdly, I think you are correct, yes. I think especially with the addition of Nightbringer and the anime, a good portion of the fandom is a younger demographic, which doesn't surprise me (listen I played Mystic Messenger when I was a preteen/teen, I was there when the dark texts were written). And a lot of what appeals to that demographic is the coming-of-age, rebelling against conformity sort of story.

And, I want to repeat, my initial post that you are referring to wasn't meant to come off as a "oh everyone is so stupid thinking Lucifer is this way, you should all love him" but more of trying to explain the fullness of his character since it can be harder to spot.

Like, people in the fandom almost always completely understand Mammon. He's not just, "tough and grumbly man who steals things". He's someone who struggles with admitting his own feelings, someone who lets his ambitions blind him from the troubles they can cause, and someone who at the end of the day, loves his family more than anything. And most everyone in the fandom fully understands this.

And yet, with Lucifer, a lot of people tend to take him exactly at face value.

There's a lot of things I could explain about him needing to play a "Parental Guardian Figure" while also just being their brother at the same time, and in a lot of media where the older sibling is forced to become a guardian, they get a lot of flack for not doing it correctly.

Anyways, I could ramble on and on and on about Lucifer as a character, but I think this a good chunk of condensed thoughts. And thank you for sending this over, I always love a good Inbox ramble! Especially about my favorite grumpy, sleep-deprived man <3

[sweetpea394]

tortured poets department song opinions if you don't care then don't continue reading

Fortnight ft post malone

i like this song so much more then I thought I would

like it's actually so good

not how I expected "I love you it's ruining my life" to be used but by gods do I love it

Overall 8.3/10

The tortured poets department

Its really good

Unexpected name drop in like the first minute

Okay just drop the fucking f bomb go off taylor

Oh shit she actually name dropped jack antinoff(?)

Overall 6.9/10 (haha 6.9)

My boy only breaks his favorite toys

I was actually scared for this one

HOW DOES THIS SONG ONLY HAVE 5K LIKES

This song isn't what I expected but at the same time it is

I really like it. It's giving delulu.

It's stuck in my head now tho.

Overall 7.7/10

Down bad

unexpected but totally welcome

I think this is one of my favorites so far

Also another f bomb in the chorus holy shit taylor.

Very katniss and peeta coded

This whole album is unexpected

I expect folklore Evermore type album, but it's like synth

which is fine it's still great just unexpected

Overall 9.2/10

So long London

Track 5 wish me luck :)

I am OBSESSED (with your ex) with the call and answer in the beginning ahfjdhsjdhchfj

I will never be the same after this song

This has changed me forever

But I love it so

Overall 8.9/10

But Daddy I love him

This right here is fear

Side note: Thank God this draft saved

THIS IS THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM I LOVE IT SM

girl taylor you can't just say shit like that then go "no I'm not"

I feel like this whole songs reason for existence was to freak people the fuck out.

Like that one line "I'm having his baby no I'm not but you should see your faces"

Taylor was like "what if I pranked their asses?"

But still my favorite so far

Overall 9.5/10

Fresh out the slammer

it was really good I liked it. Not as much as the others but I did like it.

Also why did the beat randomly change near the end. I'm not crazy that happened right?

Also that beat change was kinda giving reputation soooo

Overall 7.0/10

Florida!!! Ft Florence +the machine

I don't really know if I love it or like it yet

Its either gonna be one of my favorites or I will only listen to it once or twice.

But I will say Florence's voice is heavenly

Also f bomb number 3 taylor.

Overall either 6.3/10 or 8.4/10

Who's afraid of little old me? (I am. I'm afraid)

THIS THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT THE WHOLE ALBUM WOULD BE

I LOVE THIS ONE ITS MY FAVORITE PERIOD DONE THATS IT.

Hfjchdjdbfjfjd holy shit I am in love with you taylor swift

Overall 10.5/10 exquisite

I can fix him (no really I can)

AGAIN THE FOLKLORE EVERMORE VIBES IS WHAT I EXPECTED

this song is better than I thought and I love it oh so much

I envisioned mist or fog for this song idk why

It just has misty vibes

Still I love this song soo much

Overall 10.8/10 (they are just gonna keep going up I think)

loml

loss of my life at the end 😭😭😭

Literally the saddest song on the album

I love it sooooo much though

I just realized I think I forgot guilty as sin? Oops

Still 10/10 song

Overall 11/10

Guilty as sin?

I predicted that this song would be my favorite and it might be if I listen to it more but rn it isn't

It is the most relatable tho.

Am j allowed to cry apparently not.

I do really like this song tho

Overall 9.8/10

I can do it with a broken heart

I have 2 thoughts

1 this song is so relatable its funny

"I'm so miserable and nobody even knows"

This whole song is just like:

✨✨️✨️✨️ I'm super depressed ✨ ✨️✨️✨️

And she's so real for that

But thought 2

This song is so sad and now every time I watch the eras tour I will think of "the crowd keeps chanting more"

Overall 12/10

The smallest man who ever lived

H my God this is like literally a diss track

Like dam taylor he's already dead.

The bridge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I was like "OH YEAH HERE WE GO" when that bridge started.

Overall 7.3/10

The alchemy

not what I expected

Definitely my least favorite

I don't know why but I don't like this one as much as the other ones

Overall 5.9/10

Clara Bow (again we are afraid)

this one was really nice

I like the message of like hey there were people before me and there will be people after me

Ya know like everyone is like omg your the next taylor swift

I like that she's addressing that.

Overall 9.8/10

Okay that's it I did the whole album. I will do the other bonus(???) Tracks later cause Jesus christ there is a lot of them. But thanks for reading my shit opinions on @taylorswift and the new album.

[formulaorange]

2022 Summer Anime Reviews

Man this season has felt like an eternity. Even though there were a couple solid series nothing has really stuck. Maybe since 90% of them are sequels (which have become the bane of my existence).

Made in Abyss - Season 2 - 12 Episodes This has been a long awaited sequel. I only recently watched the first season a few weeks before this aired so I don't have the long term hype of some fans but I found I was still kind of disappointed. The story was cool and the art of course was amazing but I just found that the adventure aspect from the first season was missing this time round. Likely since the whole story was around the village and didn't progress deeper into the abyss. It made it feel like this was more of a detour than part of the original story and I wasn't really a fan. I also felt that they really tried to hard with the gore in the second half and a lot of it felt unnecessary. This season just wasn't it for me, but then again, I never felt like I would drop it either. 7.5/10 - Good+

Call of the Night - 13 Episodes This series had a lot of hype from the manga readers. And I just don't get it. The animations were pretty and there were some solid vibes but in the end I felt that the plot wasn't enough for me and I wasn't really attached to any of the characters. Maybe the manga has a different appeal but the anime wasn't for me. 6.5/10 - Fine+

Lycoris Recoil - 13 Episodes It feels like a special treat when we actually get a new concept for a show. I really loved Chisato's personality and the action was always interesting. While I don't feel that this show stood out a whole lot, I still genuinely enjoyed watching it especially as the stakes started rising in the latter half. Also - If you're curious about the animation studio that'll be in charge of Solo Leveling, this is a good show to reference the quality of their recent works. (A-1 Pictures) 8/10 - Great

Links for the top series of the season: Summer Time Render Aoashi

The Yakuza's Guide to Babysitting - 12 Episodes This show was honestly so wholesome. I love the character designs with all my heart and I wish we had more content for this series. 8/10 - Great

Isekai Pharmacy - 12 Episodes I actually didn't start this series until all the episodes were out but I was honestly surprised. It's actually a really decent isekai. The focus is much more about medicine and patient care than the isekai factor. I enjoyed the scenarios that happened in each episode and the series ended up being a super easy going watch. 7.5/10 - Good+ Vermeil In Gold - 12 Episodes This series wasn't half bad. I liked the general idea and the characters. I just really don't understand why they couldn't make Alto, idk, not a child??? It really wouldn't be that hard... Just very uncomfy with his age.. 6/10 - Fine Shadows House - Season 2 - 12 Epsiodes It's been a while since we had a decent "horror" or dark series and I think its a really nice change of pace from other series airing this season. Not sure what it is about second seasons though, it doesn't have the same appeal and it doesn't feel like there's a significant amount of progression this season. Still a decent show and concept but nothing that stood out too much. Also ended on a really weird note. 6/10 - Fine

Orient - Cour 2 - Final 12 of 24 Episodes The first half of this series wasn't great. Really didn't stand out at all, but I did feel that this half has been more interesting. That being said, I still put off watching it and wasn't really invested. (That being said, I really enjoyed the last episode.) 6.5/10 - Fine+ Danmachi S4 (Is it Wrong to Try To Pick up Girls in a Dungeon) - 11 Episodes This is somewhat of a guilty pleasure show for me. I know it's really not all that great but I can't help but feel invested in the characters, even now that's it's completely moved away from the whole greek god familes concept. In the end though, this was yet another sequel season that felt that it didn't really progress the story very much. They're still on the same floor and it ended with a massive cliffhanger but I felt that I'd be ok leaving the show where it is and not watching another season if it continues. 6/10 - Fine

Couple of Cuckoos - 24 Episodes I can't believe I even watched as much as I did for this show. I had such high hopes for the first episodes, literally until the last 3 minutes where it became a sis-con harem and my faith in romance series was shattered again. That kinda stuff just isn't my vibe and I'm getting real sick of it. That's 2 for this season alone. I watched 17/24 episodes. It's just not that great. Unfortunately everything else this season was also mid so I kept watching this but with the new Winter anime season coming, I'm giving up on this so I don't burn out. 5/10 - Average Uncle from Another World I had a hard time with this show. I liked the initial idea of using isekai powers in the real world but it started turning to just looking at how the Uncle constantly fucked up and struggled in the isekai world. It ended up being pretty cringe and the story didn't really evolve past the initial appeal - I made it 7 episodes in and it doesn't look like it's ending until the winter season so I'm dropping it. 4/10 - Bad Black Summoner - 12 Episodes I dropped this after episode 2 when the cgi came into play. I'm just not a fan. Continued it after all the other shows ended. Story was mid, animations were standard isekai. Never got attached to any of the characters but for some reason the battle music went hard. 4/10 - Bad

This season had a lot of brutal shows on it too that I didn't end up completing. Here's the list and a quick reason: My Isekai Life - Nothing special, just another standard isekai My Stepmom's Daughter is my Ex - Just not into that kinda thing When Will Ayumu Make his move - Watched 4 episodes and got bored. The Maid I hired Recently is Mysterious - Real yikes... that's it Classroom of the Elite S2 - I wasn't a huge fan of the first season and didn't make it past 1 episode of the second. Devil as a Part-Timer S2 - I enjoyed the first season but found the animation quality and the overall story really deteriorated in the second. Made it 4 episodes in. Link to the Fall 2022 Watch List

[chqnified]

Thank you for the tag @abiaswreck <33

Sorry it took me so long to do. Tagging @niche-bitch @anautumncarol if you both want to do it, no pressure though <3

1. Birthday?

24/7 ... I love using it as a pun.

2. Favorite color?

Black would be the overall agreed colour. But here are a few parts favourite colours: Felix is blue, Isla is lilac, Echo is blue, Avi is black, Celia is blue, Dani is red.

Mine is red and black.

3. How tall are you?

5"7 irl.

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

2, one pair of regular black converse and a pair of Dr martens max platforms. I also have a pair of cheer shoes, but it'd break my brain to wear them outside after being conditioned to never step foot outside of the gym of competitions with them lol

5. Favorite song?

Favourite song of all time, Side effects by skz.

6. Favorite movie?

The Call

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

My current partner. Caring, understanding, funny and attentive. They literally remember the tiniest of things I would have randomly told them about months ago and I find that endearing tbh.

8. Do you want children?

Yes. I'd adopt 3 children I think. Definitely at least one child. Sounds cringey, but I want to give them the world yk...

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

Black. I only own black long socks, or black / white sports socks.

11. Favorite type of music?

K-pop and Alternative. But, tbh, as a system, our music taste is very varied.

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3.... But..... I was supposed to get rid of the third as I was bought a replacement pillow for one of my old ones..... But I'm hoping nobody will notice I kept it.

13. What position do you sleep in?

On my side or stomach

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Any lights on. The glow in the dark stars on our wall are fine, but light as in sunlight, lights, screen light, lamp light or even you know the tiny lil lights on machines that signals they're on standby or whatever. Really annoys me. Oh, also noise, that isn't my music from earpods.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yes. I wasn't too bad at it actually.

16. Favorite fruit?

Lychees ? Mango is great too.

17. Are you a good liar?

Yes. Now see, most people would say I'm a bad liar, but being brutally honest, if I didn't want you to know truly, you wouldn't. I pick and choose. Also.... If you're labelled a bad liar, it makes it all the more easier lol.

I'd like to add, I don't go out of my way to deceive people to harm them or be shitty, I would do so to keep myself and the system safe. If you have to loose battles to win others in more important circumstances, that's what I'll do. I think tbh, it'd only make sense if you lived my life

18. What’s your personality type?

Istp apparently

19. Innie or outie?

20. Left or right handed?

Right handed, left footed.

21. Favorite food?

Hash brown with ketchup

22. Favorite foreign food?

Idk, I love pretty much most Chinese and Greek food ig. It's so good 🤨

23. Are you clean or messy?

I'm very pedantic, everything has its place, shelves have to be dusted as well as skirtings, picture rail etc. So yeah clean. Tidying is also my way of taking my mind off things.

24. Most used phrase?

'your mum' 'bestie' 'slay' 'so anyways'

.... I don't have any justifications.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends if I need a shower or to wash my hair. If I've showered the night before already, 30mins (including getting out of bed). If I need to shower and maybe wash my hair, 1h.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Well. Yeah. But I mean, as parts, we're usually always around one another, so, I don't talk to myself often.

27. Do you sing to yourself?

Rarely.

28. Are you a good singer?

Ask the neighbors.

29. Biggest fear?

Being hated. Loosing everyone.

30. Are you a gossip?

No. I don't have the energy. Our only gossips are Aris, Echo and potentially Erin.

31. Long or short hair?

Long for a boy, short for a girl. Depends on what stereotypes you're basing it on.

32. Favorite school subject?

Biology and stats.

33. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert

34. What make you nervous?

Depends on the day. But loud noises, especially loud unexpected noises are anxiety inducing for me

35. Who was your first crush?

Uhmmmmm I think it was one of my 'boyfriend''s older sister.... I was 6 or 7 at the time, leave me alone.

36. How many piercings do you have?

Only 2 currently but will be getting some more between now and the end of summer.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

None, but I really want to get some

38. How fast can you run?

Faster than an ostrich. Definitely.

39. What color is your hair?

Light brown

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue

41. What makes you angry?

Really random things. Probably big hypocrites the most though. oh and when people have opinions on something they have no knowledge about/ done no research on.... And refuse to listen to someone who knows about it more than them

42. Do you like your name?

Birth name no. Collective name (Charlie) all of us don't mind/like the name. The system name (Eleutheria) we all chose it out together, so definitely love the name, it has a lot of meaning for us. Our individual names, most of us picked out our own name so again yes.

44. What are your strengths?

I can accurately adjust myself according to my surroundings/environment/people I'm with to fit in without thinking.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I get too attached to people. I'm also extremely emotionally erratic

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Grey

47. What’s the color of your room?

My room carpet is aqua blue, my walls are light grey and white, my curtains are dark grey. My bedsheets vary, blu, grey or lilac. So overall. Blue / grey

[dxscmfrt]

artfight is done! i have words.

writing this before winner reveal so uh Yeah. my goals achievements thoughts and feelings.

bingo card

5 BINGO LETS GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

goals

let's see how well i did!!!!

not lose motivation halfway through - somehow i feel like i didn't lose motivation this year, but that might be because i didn't really have much to begin with.

more interesting stuff ✅ - i made a 3d attack (7) apparently

character interactions ✅? (2, 4, 7, 10, 12)

ship art ✅ (7, 10)

shitpost /hj ✅ - okay this one was a joke goal but i Kind of did it (2)

try drawing gore again ✅ - didn't get to do anything extreme though (13, 15)

one (1) animated mass attack, probably ✅ - ended up not being animated ..... that's okay for me. (12)

experiment ✅ - i'm a bit looser with my art this time around i think

put more effort into individual attacks ✅

pieces that have story behind them ✅? i guess???

9/10 not bad

SO WHAT HAPPENED??: the actual rambley part

i made 16 attacks, which is very average compared to last year's 18 and 2022's 14...

...and received 11, compared to 21 last year and 10 in 2022 (counting character included in, not counting my own attacks).

also as a bonus: i acquired level 6 revenge chain.

SO WHAT HAPPENED??

it felt different.

i kind of expected that. i just didn't think it would feel worse.

(oh also this isn't about the whole drama thing that stirred up in other social medias and stuff, or the "commentary channels" milking the controversies as usual. that's a whole other can of worms but it's not really tied to my feelings.)

and i'm going to be honest i felt a little lonely this year.

maybe it was relative considering most of my friends / mutuals all have a whole bunch of other friends who talk to them frequently and care about each others ocs.

i've been trying to convince myself that Bro artfight is about giving it doesnt matter too much if i don't get anything back!! even just a comment or a confirmation that they've seen it is enough to make me happy!! because i get it if people don't attack back or even comment, i've been there!! logically i completely understand it but for some reason it still disappoints me!! i don't get why it does that!! what is happening!!!!

also what happened to all the people who liked jaypeg where did you all go !!!!!!!!! /lh /silly

my point is this year i was Really hoping to get some attacks of club house / respite characters, but my most attacked character is somehow still rice. i don't know why this is but it might be because they're the first character on my list (i think people assume i sort my ocs by preference, or just don't bother to click see all) or because they're my sona.

my other most attacked character is stargaze, who is a fan character, and most people who attack them aren't fans of the media. which i'm fine with but i would have preferred if you attacked a different character.

and my third most attacked character is sunny, who happens to also be my only animal / feral character this year. i guess i should have clarified that changing species is Perfectly Okay especially if you cant draw humans. i could have sworn i put that in my permissions but i think i deleted it idk why

maybe i should not have expected so much. i might hide my sonas next year.

that being said shoutout to artfight user nixthemoon for attacking oliver ily forever /not in any particular way you get the point

...and also to my mutual / friend for doing a revenge chain with me and attacking the respite guys, you know who you are <3 /p

here are the individual character attacks for the 0 people who are curious

rice - 3

stargaze - 2 + 1 included

sunny - 2

evening - 1

nicey - 1

skyen - 1

oliver - 1

all others have 0

anyway i Still talk too much

artfight.net/~dxscmfrt

[purplesurveys]

1800

Why are you taking a survey? It's my way of journaling; plus the sadder I feel the more surveys I tend to take, so that also explain why I'm on my third survey of the evening haha.

When’s the last time you were grounded? The early parts of high school, which was like 10-11 years ago.

Anything exciting taking place today? Not really. With my dad gone I think our Sundays will be a little more uneventful again, which means after we go to our morning mass we then pretty much have the rest of the day to ourselves. Personally I plan on just lying around all day then maybe allot half an hour to prep for next week's work.

What are you craving? I'm alright. I ate SO MUCH today – in the afternoon I had bibimyeon with pork + a sashimi platter for sharing, and both were so filling I didn't have to have dinner anymore. I'm feeling just the slightest bit hungry now so I may have just a teeny bit of the uni after taking this, but I'm not needing it badly enough to be a craving.

Is there anyone in the room with you? Nopes.

Who did you last hit? My sister. We were at the Seventeen concert and we were hitting each other throughout the show out of excitement, lol.

What was the last thing you did before bed last night? I was going through TikTok.

What’s your biggest fear? Death of loved ones.

Laptop or desktop? Laptop. I have never owned/used a desktop beyond having to use them in high school computer classes.

Do you have an iPod? Not anymore; I listen to music through Spotify either on my laptop or phone.

Do you have a fan on in the room you’re in? I do.

Do you have a wallet? Yes.

What are you sitting on? My work chair.

What’s the last thing you had to eat? Cookie dough. I finally found a local bakery that sells edible dough by the jar, so I got their 1kg variant and I'm having it as a midnight snack hahaha.

Do you like grapefruits? No.

Sweet or sour? Sweet. Hate sour things.

Have you ever had the Reese’s PB Candy Bars? I don't think so.

Do you know who Shawn Michaels is? Yes :) One of my favorites; I even had a phase when I was about 12, which funnily enough was around the time of his retirement.

Who do you turn to if you need help? Depends on what I need help with but these days I have been heavily running to Trina when I need to let out some very emotional steam.

Are you more dependent or independent? Independent. I only ask for help when I'm entirely desperate.

Does the time 2 o'clock have any significance to you? That was our siesta time, back when my siblings and I were kids. As soon as the clock struck 2 PM we could always expect our grandma to gather us and tuck us in to nap for the afternoon.

Do you like bagels? I don't. I never understood bagels either but that's also my fault because I never really feel like trying them lmao. Like are they like donuts but savory? Do they have fillings? Or toppings?? What kind of things do you put in (or on???) them? Are they just circle sandwiches? LOL

Are there any stuffed animals in the room you’re in? I mean I have my BT21 plushies but fine let's call them stuffed animals too haha.

What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner? Whatever.

Favorite tv show? Breaking Bad and Friends.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.

Where’s your mother? In her room.

Do you know who the strongest man in the world is? I know Mark Henry was at one point but idk who holds the title now.

What’s the best time you’ve had in the past week? Last Sunday seeing Seventeen.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope.

Can you cook? Nope.

What time is it? 1:40 AM.

Do you love animals? Yes.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

Who’s one person you care about more than yourself? Probably my sister.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 5.

Are there any pets you’re wishing for? Nope.

Whatcha gonna do now? =] Have a little bit of uni then maybe go back to playing my game.

[crescendeyes]

I am grateful for

As we enter the month of July-Aug, I felt like I should really analyse what I am thankful for and count my blessings a little.

I know being critical of yourself is embedded in our DNA to humble ourselves from delusion. There is a beauty in delusion - its either things are SUPER DUPER BAD or FINE AND DANDY.

Being extremely fearful avoidant, I find myself constantly confusing people and myself on the decisions that I make. It is a constant push and pull that I struggle with all my life with a lack of awareness of it's existence.

People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style distrust others and withdraw from relationships in order to avoid rejection. This leads people with a fearful-avoidant attachment to avoid the very relationships they crave.

Struggling to manage this part of my life, I managed to fall into the traps of despair every time I make a decision. They were either too reckless or too careful - never anything in between.

So, in order to re-evaluate the quarter of my life, before I turn 30, I won't be a list of things I want to achieve. Instead, I want to count my blessings and start showing gratitude to myself and my life, including the people who made it possible for these little celebrations.

Set boundaries and realise what my dealbreakers are in a relationship.

Let me explain - in the past, I would fight for a relationship and continue to work on it till there was nothing left behind except resentment. MAYBE, just MAYBE, if Aaron and I didn't breakup the first time around and I didn't have to grow up after the string of bad luck in 2022, I could tolerate and continue to work on relationships like I used to. So, being able to set boundaries and be honest with myself what I want to keep vs don't was the biggest step I took to self love and actualisation.

2. Love someone twice

Some might find this very toxic but if you never try, you'll never know. Hence, no. 1.

3. Performed for a huge festival in the second time of my life

Yes, I performed at Peakstorm Festival to open for Joji. While it may not seem like a feat for most musicians and artist, but it was once in a life time opportunity that I will forever be grateful for.

4. Moved out

I finally did it. There is no way I can describe how lucky I feel to get a place that I only dreamt of getting back in 2020 - and it took 3 years to rent this place. Although, rent is expensive and I am looking for opportunities to move to a new place that would be more affordable. 2024 is a time I wanna focus on growing my wealth and saving money.

5. Travelling with Aaron, meeting each others family, a sense of stability....

It is difficult for me to find stability cause I've never known it all my life. But even for that short period of time, visiting his family and travelling to Taiwan & Phuket, I felt like this is it. He is my forever, and his family and friends LOVE me. Unfortunately, no. 1 was the path I decided to take.

6. Dad

Dad is better now and we are planning to travel to Copenhagen and London together as a family.

7. Mum

Mum is open to the idea of counselling and started to see a therapist after hearing me out. In a way, I'm lucky she was even open to it for assistance. I love her.

8. Miso

Miso was with me since 6 June 2023, she has lived with me for 17 days and she will forever be the best emotional support kitty in my life. I have never had a cat with me before so it was an amazing experience. I will miss her so so dearly <3

9. Fixed my relationship with Cel & Cam

10. I'm travelling again

11. I am not chasing relationships anymore

12. I am in a good stable career

13. I have a manager that trust me and doesn't micro manage me - plus, he kinda has a thing for me or something idk.

14. I got a new tattoo this year so yay

15. Aaron is making tiktok videos of me while I am seemingly unbothered by it

16. I now know Hoeden is not my real friends.

17. I am learning how to swim.

18. I attended Harpreet & Nicole's wedding this year.

19. I ACTUALLY became friends with Aaron Chan? Wow. lol. The universe is weird.

20. I have great friends and made more this year.

21. People LOVE my apartment and they often compliment it hehe

22. Renewed my insurance policy because I can afford it bitches.

So there will be more blessings and I can't count but I always do my best to remember them whole heartedly.

If you read it this far, thank you. I hope this brings you peace.

[spark1edog]

here’s my syscourse code

👍/💛/📗, 📘/🔸/🟢, 🔵/🌗, 🌘/🟩/🌳/🌦/🥖/🐊/🐝/🐬, 🐟

expansion/explanation under the cut

1 - do you believe in endogenic plurality: 👍

I do! I don't really see why I shouldn't, and before anyone says "because systems are osddid!" I just gotta say, yes some of us are triggered by the possibility of endos/being Endo/"having made it up". That doesn't mean we don't want others to be able to do their thing in peace.

2 - opinion on tulpas: 💛 (term bad concept fine)

I don't know where I stand on whether it's Cultural Appropriation because I simply don't know enough about it, and don't really care to go and research it, but everything I've heard in reference to it *not* being cultural appropriation is. :/ questionable, I just don't really care to know the answers to those questions. Do whatever, I don't have the power to tell you not to use a word, but thoughtform/created headmate/etc is right there. I don't know why people feel so strongly about the word "tulpa" in particular, but im not the person whos hurt by it.

3 - do you think endos just don't remember their trauma?: 📗 I think a lot of them don't, 📘 people sometimes misunderstand their identity and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're not remembering or that everyone is misunderstanding.

I think there's an interesting phenomenon especially with labels like neurogenic that misinterpret what trauma is and how "much" is necessary to form the groundwork for splits and dissociation. I've also noticed the attitude from some people that they just don't want to be perceived or label themselves as traumatized and I think that's... Tentatively valid, but ultimately unhelpful for them. I respect their right to identify their system however they want, though, and there are a lot of things about the traumatized/traumagenic communities that can be upsetting and cause the denial that I see a lot from (some) endos.

4 - opinion on shared spaces: 🔸: Shared spaces are good but there should also be specific spaces for disordered, traumagenic, endogenic, etc spaces.

I think this is pretty self explanatory, but it kind of irks me in a weird way when people say "plural community" and mean "everyone with a cdd AND endogenic systems" like. The "plural community" exists, sure, but when people insinuate that people who don't consider themselves plural are causing strife in the Plural Community..... ?? I just don't get it

5 - do you think endogenic plurality is comparable to transX: 🟢 Not unless the person themselves considers their plurality transX, 🔵 No, and I'm against transplural

If you consider yourself "transplural," whatever but I hate you

6 - did/osdd/udd without trauma?: 🌗 If/when I'm given proof 🌘 No, but a DID/OSDD/UDD system can form endogenic created headmates.

1. -genic should only be for the origin of the whole system imo 2. I'm open to the possibility of being proven wrong but I have yet to be

7 - Do you think introjects from other cultures should be able to use that culture's names: 🟩 no

I'm white so I don't really get to speak on this but I don't agree with it, idk how I feel about people being "given permission" either, unless it's like Private.

8 - researched self diagnosis?: 🌳 If the person has done extensive research it's okay

9 - sysmed as a term: 🌦 against it

I don't care whether it's transphobic or not actually I just want people to use it properly and perhaps actually listen to one another instead of name calling, on BOTH sides.

10 - traumascum as a term: 🥖 it's harmful

do I really need to explain why calling traumatized people scum for wanting a place for traumatized people is harmful...?

11 - endos using the term "system": 🐊 supportive

whatever

12 - endos using the term "alter": 🐝 I think they should use other terms

alter is clinical language, and unless they're traumaendo or something it just doesn't make sense to me why they want to use the term alter in the first place?

13 - xeno-origins?: 🐬 I don't understand their purpose, 🐟 against it

it's not a gender, also re: earlier, individual headmate origins do Not matter imo and most of them just describe how a system works, not it's "origin"

[alexalblondo]

Talk to me about Jake Dennis I’m new to FE and thinking of stanning but I know very little about him

1. ekay, I can do that ... I think?

Just so we're clear I am insanely biased but also most of this is about him as a driver (jk jk ... it's about his abs)

1. he looks like this ... he also likes to post pictures like this on his official social media (or used to ... I think he has new management, rip)

2. he started racing in FE in 2020 / 2021 season and ... didn't get the warmest welcome? Cause he was fairly unknown at that point and people just looked at his racing record which wasn't that impressive at that point tbh so they were shitty but the then BMW i Andretti team apparently put their development drivers through a training camp to see who was the best and guess what? Ma boi was :D (there was also something about Lando fans hacking fanboost so Jake would get it i don't really remember)

3. like so many FE drivers he's also racing in other categories, mainly GT ... for example he did DTM in 2019 for Aston Martin ... he also did some GT3 stuff in 2021 but I cannot find it right now

4. and speaking of Aston Martin that's also how he became a RedBull Racing development driver, which he still is, doing simulator work for them before races (yes, I have a thing for men who've been taken hostage by that stupid energy drink company, yes, it's def me also having Stockholm Syndrom from growing up so close to them)

5. as a driver Jake Dennis is (in my absolutely biased opinion) about the best qualifier in FE, which was one of the main reasons he ended up P3 last season as a rookie, because of all the new tracks they did (Valencia E-Prix was funny as a whole but a masterclass from Jake Dennis like omg)

6. coming back to the beginning and his looks: he is insanely vain ... not a week goes by where he doesn't talk about his hair on Instagram ... yet he ALWAYS ignores people asking about his skin care routine ... rude, imo

7. aside from being very rude and talking about his hair a lot (eg his official FE vlog which had him talk about his hair for at least 2 minutes (X)) he's also a lil no thoughts head empty ... but in an insanely smart way?

8. he has a sister he clearly loves a lot

9. he's friends with A lot of drivers, like Clement Novalak or Dan Ticktum or Lando Norris, idk idk it's mostly Clem these days, which is fine by me and also @andretti-autosport who likes to message me about them (as she should) <333

10. Speaking of no thoughts: the man struggles ... like a lot ... like omg he has rotten luck, his luck is SOOO bad his struggles have their own twitter account (x) ... like if he doesn't have at least one road car issue a week it's a miracle?

11. some of those struggles are also man-made though like that time he used dish soap for his dish washer (x)

12. or him misplacing the P3 trophy ... you know the P3 CHAMPIONSHIP trophy (x)

13. another struggle could be the fact that the german and the english wikipedia pages have different birthdays for him idk idk

14. @alx-albon says he looks and sounds like Charles Leclerc except bri'ish which is rude but also true

15. Just watch the Valencia E-Prix 2021 and the London E-Prix 2021 and tell me he is not amazing, I dare you!

Anyways that's it cause I cannot find the video I wanted to link but basically: he is hot ... he is incredibly talented ... he is a lil bit stupid ... he is super nice and friendly ... he is vain ... he might be my soulmate ... you should stan him and maybe one day he'll reveal his skin care routine and you too will have as clear skin as him

[ettelwenailinon]

11, 12, 33, 40 :3c

(from these asks)

thank you!! :3

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

see, see, normally I would say enemies to lovers because I never understood the appeal but here I am djdjdjdjdjd

idk how overrated this is but what I find terribly weird are highschool aus and priest aus. it's just really not for me

and I would also say fics where they have children but I'm also guilty of that one with my favourite ships (you said something in your tags the other day about writing a fic where they take care of a baby and it made me so!!!! and now I'm also thinking about babies djdjdkdk)

12. If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

I'm awfully bad at writing in my mother tongue, the last thing I wrote in czech was my bachelor's thesis and it sucked big time. when it comes to fics I only wrote some embarrassing selfinsert fics in czech when I was a teenager and never posted it (thank god) and I don't speak any other language well enough to write any sort of work in. (I also tried to write original stuff when I was a teen but it never went anywhere) but honestly there's not much difference between writing in czech or english for me? english is just easier because I read stuff in english every day which I don't in czech. it's just I guess a little depressing djdjdjdjej

33. Give your writing a compliment.

mmmm mmmm firstly, I'm very glad that I started writing again and I hope it lasts. and then I think that my pacing is quite good

40. Write a 9-word fic.

He looked at his trembling hands. Blood. Dong Sik's blood.

(I don't know what happened, don't ask me djdjdkkdkdkdm)

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[xiaojunsmintchoco]

ok guys i genuinely don't know what to make of this but before we begin

TW: potential s3xu4l a5s4ult, kidnapping?? IDK MAN I'M REALLY BAFFLED BY THIS WHOLE SITUATION

so earlier i was at a mcdonalds studying with my friends, and we wrapped up at about 9 30? cuz we live on different streets we went separate directions so i walked home alone

then otw home this boy came out from behind a pillar and tapped my shoulder...he looked about 11 or 12? he asked me to piggyback him, which was a pretty odd request and when i asked why, he claimed that his leg was injured. ok normally i would've dropped everything and offered my assistance immediately but idk i had a bad feeling about this whole thing, so i just said my back was injured (not a complete lie, i have scoliosis) BUT being a bio student, i helped him check and strangely there were no visible signs of injury on his leg? and he was walking normally when he approached me so...

the sus thing is that although offered other ways of helping him get back home he kept insisting that i piggyback him, and he looked terrified for some reason. i offered to do the human crutch thingy, but he didn't end up putting his hand on my shoulder and just walked NORMALLY ahead of me, back to the same pillar. and i was so weirded out like ?? if you can walk fine why do you need me to piggyback you?

ok normally i wouldn't have thought much of this incident but after going on tiktok i saw many other singaporean girls posting about similar experiences. and the thing is it's happening all across singapore, but most of them are clustered in the west which is where i live?? and some saw the same boy i did, others were approached by different boys, all about the same age?? what the actual HELL is going on cuz if this is an islandwide thing it's rly sus, are these boys just like h0rknee or are they being used by some unscrupulous adults?? and if it's the latter option what is it? SA? kidnapping? what else? do i make a police report? i kinda still remember how the boy looks...

for anyone in sg reading this, please be safe, if you encounter similar boys DO NOT in any circumstances help him out cuz idk what is going on and it could be REALLY DANGEROUS, and for those in other countries be careful of similar things too! please stay safe out there everyone!

[huonoiuutisii]

do all of the music ask

oh man that's a lot of questions! this took me forever lmao and this is a super long post so i'm putting it under a read more. but thank you!!! 🖤

1. what song off a otherwise popular album do you think more people need to hear? i'm super bad with these but the first to come to my mind was Deus in absentia from Meliora

2. what band/ artist needs more love? hexvessel, twin temple and awake again !!! awake again are Amazing live!! but they don't have enough fans, please go listen to them!!!

3. who do you think is/ are the most overrated artist/ band? tbh metallica is one of them,, i get they are important and influential but i hate how you Need to listen to them or you aren't listening to Real Music TM

4. what are your favorite subgenres of music? for the longest time it's been that weird industrial goth metal disco thing that turmion kätilöt is .. but honestly i'm not sure if i have a favourite

5. share a little known fact about a band/ artist you love? it always scares me to state things i'm not 100% sure as facts..

6. when someone asks you for a music recommendation what bands/ artists do you say? depends what music they are into but usually ghost, mcc, pimeys

7. how much do you actually like those artists, be honest. they are some of my favourites. i don't know why anyone would recommend bands they don't like???

8. what is your biggest musical guilty pleasure? i don't believe in guilty pleasures But that being said i do sometimes turn my spotify private if i'm listening to something i don't want everyone to see xd it's usually finnish metal like mokoma or stam1na or finnish pop

9. how do you make your playlists? usually when i'm sad and need something else to think about and end up making really sad playlists with the same 50 songs on every single one

10. what are the best playlists you’ve made? "currently stuck glistening to", "songs that hurt my heart but in a good way" and "emo tb (vittu tää mikään tb on, oon vieläkin emo)"

11. what artist have you pretended to listen to to fit in or sound cool? i can't remember doing this.. except maybe when i was around 14 i didn't want to tell a boy i liked that i didn't like metallica or oasis so i just pretended i was fine with listening to them lmao

12. what was the first artist you remember being pretentious about? i don't knoow.. i think i was more pretentious about hating bands as a kid.. like i used to say i Hated bmth when in reality i didn't care enough to even listen to them lol

13. i know you say you hate modern pop, but do you actually? if so, why? i don't hate it, there are some really nice songs here and there but i just don't listen to it enough to really care or know anything. but if i hear a nice song i don't really care who it's by

14. the smiths, mac demarco, tyler, the creator, joy division, brockhampton, the strokes, the cure, frank ocean, neutral milk hotel, radiohead, kendrick lamar, the beatles, weezer, death grips; you can only keep three, which ones will you chose? smiths, cure, neutral milk hotel

15. be honest, do you listen to any female artists? if you do do you feel superior to the other pretentious music kids because of it? i don't listen to enough female artists and i feel bad about it and i'm trying to find new bands !!! but twin temple, djerv, amy winehouse and paloma faith are some of my favourites

16. how do you feel about artists “selling out”? idk if i believe it that.. of course in some situations it makes me not want to listen to their newer stuff but i think you have to do what you have to do to grow and take chances ..but when you are already a huge band and it starts to feel like you are doing it all just for money it makes me lose interest

17. do you think going to a big venue is worth it to see an artist live? it is!! but you have to be there early. it's such an amazing feeling when you know there's a whole stadium full of people there for the same reason!!

18. how do you feel about venues with seats? it's an experience, some bands fit them but i'm not a fan. i like to move around

19. what artist did you know about before they got big? uhh maybe pimeys?? are they big ?? ghost was getting more popular when i found them but they weren't this huge, maybe yungblud?? i've followed him for a while and he's really getting popular now !

20. how does it make you feel when an unknown artist you like blows up? it makes me feel really happy and proud for them but there's always the fear or what will happen next, how much will they change

21. “no one should be judged for their taste in music” do you agree with this statement? i do, you can listen to what ever you want. if it makes you happy or feel something, go for it!

22. what artist did you try to like because you thought they were “cool”, but just couldn’t get into? i said this the last time but father john misty is one of these.. i really want to like him but idk something is missing.. also fear of domination, i love their singer Saku but just can't get in to them for some reason

23. what artist can you absolutely not stand? there's a couple of modern bands that are playing 80s metal thay i really don't like, and uhh not to sound edgy and boring i really don't like coldplay

24. what artist do you think influenced your style the most? i i don't play anything so my clothes and hair are super influenced by mcr, rammstein and hanoi rocks

25. do you watch anthony fantano? if o how much do you let him influence your taste in music? i'm sorry but idk who that is..

[diftongi]

1-150 :D

-lb

Even these questions alone hit the content limit so i will answer 1-100 now and do a text post for the rest of these!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - I seriously have no idea but i think it was P.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? - I can be both. I am an introvert and i'm not usually that interested in people so at first i might seem shy but when i get even a little bit comfortable i can be very outgoing.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - idk really. A therapist i guess :D

4. Are you easy to get along with? - I think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - I don't like anyone like that

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - Boyish girls and artsy or skater boys. Usually i like dark hair and features, tattoos are nice and i like it if you look a little bit rebellious or unconventional

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - I don't think that's very likely

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - No one

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Depends, it can make me uncomfortable if there's a problem but in general it doesn't

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Idk, probably Mandi

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - "kiitos!" (thanks!)

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - good 4 u, favorite crime, 1 step forward, 3 steps back and deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo and i wanna be your slave by måneskin

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - Ofc

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - Idk not really

15. What good thing happened this summer? - I had a real summer vacation for the first time in years

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - Yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - Maybe not on our solar system but maybe somewhere

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - No

19. Do you like bubble baths? - Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors? - I don't know them

21. What are you bad habits? - Taking my irritation out on other people

22. Where would you like to travel? - Scotland, Norway, Iceland

23. Do you have trust issues? - Haha yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - Breakfast

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - Stomach I guess. And arms and chin

26. What do you do when you wake up? - Eat breakfast

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - It's fine as it is. I wish I had freckles tho

28. Who are you most comfortable around? - Idk.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - No

30. Do you ever want to get married? - Yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - Omg i really don't know

33. Spell your name with your chin. - Nope i just put on a face mask

34. Do you play sports? What sports? - I dance, walk, run and do yoga but sports in general are really not my thing

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - Yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences? - "haha isn't this awkward", that usually lightens the mood

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - Patient and understanding af. Challenges me, is mentally there even when it gets hard or when i try to push them away, hugs me when i cry, doesn't let me disappear like i always do. Makes me feel like they really enjoy spending time with me and like they don't do that only because they have to cause we are dating.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - Idk I like a lot of stores

40. What do you want to do after high school? - It has been 7 years since high school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Usually but not always

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - That i have once again disappeared somewhere in my head and you should ask me what's wrong. I will say it's nothing at first but just keep asking at least three times because i am annoying like that.

43. Do you smile at strangers? - Yea

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - Outer space seems less terrifying

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - The fear of losing my job

46. What are you paranoid about? - That everyone secretly hates me or at least i annoy everyone but they just don't want to tell me that

47. Have you ever been high? - Ye

48. Have you ever been drunk? - Ye

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - Nah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - Orange probably

51. Ever wished you were someone else? - Yes so many times

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - Get rid of my mental health problems

53. Favourite makeup brand? - Lumene

54. Favourite store? - Why is this here twice

55. Favourite blog? - Idk

56. Favourite colour? - Pastel pink and deep blue

57. Favourite food? - Sushi and burgers

58. Last thing you ate? - Kebab

59. First thing you ate this morning? - Bread

60. Ever won a competition? For what? - I don't think so

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - Nope

62. Been arrested? For what? - Nope

63. Ever been in love? - Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - It was with one of my friends and we were practicing "for boys". How gay

65. Are you hungry right now? - A bit

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - What tumblr friends

67. Facebook or Twitter? - Fb

68. Twitter or Tumblr? - Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? - No

70. Names of your bestfriends? - Mandi is like my only friend atm lol

71. Craving something? What? - Love

72. What colour are your towels? - Different shades of red or purple

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - No

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - Idk

75. Favourite animal? - Cats

76. What colour is your underwear? - Black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - Chocolate

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - White with a print

80. What colour pants? - I'm not wearing pants

81. Favourite tv show? - Been watching Bojack Horseman lately so that rn

82. Favourite movie? - Gone girl and Tangled

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - Mean girls obviously

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - Still Mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - Idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - Idk

87. First person you talked to today? - Mom

88. Last person you talked to today? - Dad

89. Name a person you hate? - I don't hate anyone

90. Name a person you love? - No

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Nah

92. In a fight with someone? - I guess

93. How many sweatpants do you have? - Only one :(

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - So many

95. Last movie you watched? - It was probably last one of Divergents

96. Favourite actress? - Florence Pugh atm

97. Favourite actor? - Idk

98. Do you tan a lot? - Almost not a all

99. Have any pets? - Yes

100. How are you feeling? - Tired and annoyed