#21 minutes to go

[shiwhomakes]

WE'RE TORTURED, WE'RE POETS, WE'RE DEPARTMENT

aaaaaaaaa

WE'RE THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT!!!

21 minutes to go!!!!

[basslinegrave]

pin-up

b&w originals

[luciolefire]

Oh. Oh my god.

"Is this how Megatron treated you?!"

"You...believe me?"

"I believe he hurt you."

[bittsandpieces]

-

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

@thehaikuman here it is! Thank you again for agreeing to help me :]

All of what I translated so far under the cut

Bold text means I'm not sure of the word(s) I used (except for the 'bald', that one is on purpose bc it's funnier that way)

Asterisks mean it's an alternative; that I'm not sure between two translations

Slashes mean I don't know what to put, so I didn't put anything (for now)

01:17 – At last, after nearly 6 months of absence, they finally pull their fingers out

[NEWS: Those slacker from Re: Take are finally back · Diabl0x9: He’s finally back on OnlyFans]

01:21 – nobody believed in it anymore!

[NEWS: Those slacker from Re: Take are finally back · Diabl0x9: He’s finally back on OnlyFans]

01:22 – The big fat worm here, that’s me – Takemichi Hanagaki

[NEWS: JDGate: The corpse of the ex-body double of the man with the Hawaiian shirt found in a canal (reference to one of the most famous French youtuber, ‘Joueur du Grenier’ (‘player from the attic’) also known as ‘JDG’]

01:26 – 26, single, and invisible like air

01:29 – Now for the news,

[NEWS: St Valentine: if you want to spend the day with Leo TechMaker, does Leo ‘Take my heart’?]

01:31 – a huge ‘Serves you right!’ for the Tachibana family

01:32 – their daughter Hinata got fucked over really good as they say

[NEWS: “Do we hear me right in the sound controls? In how long are we live? Oh yes, I’d like a bit of water”, Emmanuel Macron’s declaration shocks the opposition]

01:34 – their daughter Hinata got fucked over really good as they say

[A NON-TACHIBANAL CASE: the chick is dead.]

01:36 – but it’s okay, at least no man died, it was a woman

[NEWS: The case of Feldup fell down: How did the young man trip up on his bathroom rug? (Feldup is a French youtuber)]

01:38 – we’re not going to make a big deal out of it.

01:39 – –Ah, wait!

[NEWS: Billy, the end of his carrier: Was this Arab truly so determined? (play of word bc his channel name can be translated as ‘DeterminedArab’)]

01:40 – someone tells me through the earpiece that her little brother, who’s a man, is dead

[THE COUNTRY GRIEVING: A man died]

01:44 – In this case, it’s a tragedy – a national tragedy, the whole country is shaken

01:47 – We are truly distraught, we wish good luck to the Tachibana family

[ALERT: Takemichi elected the most beautiful ass of the year according to the last survey of IFOP (French Institute of Public Opinion(that’s a real institute))]

01:49 – – but also good riddance.

[ALERT: Re:Take followers elected best community in the world]

01:50 – (announcer voice) It was misogy-news!

X

01:51 – I feel deeply saddened.

01:53 – Is it because I watch right-wing news

[(the tv news was a parody of a real French tv news)]

01:54 – or because the only woman I’ve ever loved just got squashed in a wall by a 36-tons truck in a very graphic way?

01:59 – Where am I going? Where am I running-ing? Where is it leading me-ing?

02:01 – I’m really in a standstill. If only someone could push me to–

02:05 – I instantly regret choosing those words!

X

02:09 – Unbelievable. I’m not dead.

02:11 – Fuck it, what’s this look? I changed my mind actually I wanna die!

02:14 – Takemichi, you get your ass moving? –Ah? Yeah! Coming!

02:17 – If I understand correctly, I time jumped

02:19 – It’s 2005, 12 years into the past

02:20 – I’ll use the lotto numbers and become rich!

02:23 – No, I don’t have the lotto numbers

02:24 – Well scratch that. What striking thing happened in 2005?

02:32 – Right, make a fortune is out. But no big deal, everything was going well in 2005, I was the neighborhood king!

X

02:35 – You’re the neighborhood little bitch!

02:38 – So that’s what we call ‘selective memory’…

02:39 – Don’t make this face, Takemichi. It’s going to be okay.

02:42 – Thanks you, Akkun.

02:43 – I swear, you’re unique dude, there’s only one like you

02:45 – Stop it, you don’t mean it

02:47 – I do, I swear. You didn’t listen to what that guy said? You’re…

02:49 – The neighborhood little bitch!

02:52 – Takemichi, come back! We’re going to the cybercafe to pay a huge amount of money to spend 5 minutes on the Internet!

02:56 – What great times to live in!

X

02:58 – What shitty times. Except for the games and movies which came out this year

03:00 – Not kidding, I’m talking directly to the viewers: go check all the crazy stuffs that came out between 2004 and 2005. Even so –

03:05 – What shitty times.

03:06 – I should still take advantage of the situation to go see Hinata

03:09 – Hi, Takemichi. What’s wrong? You don’t look well.

03:11 – Forget it, Hinata. I think today is the worst day of my life

03:14 – You got hurt? Come here, I’ll kiss it all better.

03:17 – I have to save this girl, marry her, succeed my studies and buy a Honda

03:22 – Fuck, I’m so happy! I’m really starting to understand why my therapist told me I’m bipolar–

03:25 – And so it makes me sad.

X

03:26 – I feel deeply sad. I feel like my life is going nowhere

03:30 – Anyway, it was really nice to have offered to listen to me!

03:33 – I didn’t offer anything. I was swinging, you racketeered me ten bucks and you demanded that I listen to you or be subject to consequences

03:38 – You’re really a nice guy, Naoto.

03:39 – Leave me alone, please

03:41 – Listen closely, I have to tell you something. You’re about to die.

03:43 – No! Wait! I listened to you like you requested even if it was really fucking boring!

03:47 – I don’t have any money left but if you want I have a Chelsea bun crushed in my bag!

03:49 – That’s not what I meant to say!

03:51 – Wait, a Chelsea bun? Nobody eat Chelsea bun

03:53 – And what do you mean ‘fucking boring’?!

03:55 – Anyway.

03:56 – You’re Hinata’s little brother, right? In twelve years, your sister and yourself will be targeted by a gang and unfortunately, you both die

04:02 – That’s terrible!

04:03 – I know. And you believed me very easily.

04:05 – Naoto. You have to become a police officer, you’ll be capable of protecting your sister that way.

04:08 – Okay!

04:09 – You’re really believing me very easily

04:11 – Well then, make the most of it to become rich. Think about investing all your money in–

04:15 – Wait. Come closer. Invest all your money in *caws makes it impossible to hear what is being said*

04:18 – Ok, Takemichi.

04:19 – Great! Good luck, Naoto

X

04:22 – Takemichi. I did all of what you told me. Unfortunately, Hinata didn’t survive

04:25 – But I did it, I officially work for the police and we’re going to be able to work together to save my sister!

04:28 – That’s great news!

04:30 – And by the way, ‘investing all I have in sporks’? really?!

04:34 – You couldn’t have told me to buy BitCoin?!

04:35 – No, it pollutes

04:36 – Do you really want to become a megalomaniac multimillionaire?

04:38 – Yes.

04:39 – Who owns a luxury cars company?

04:40 – Yes!

04:41 – A space rockets company?!

04:42 – YES!

04:43 – I get it. I’m sorry, I didn’t know what BitCoin was…

X

04:45 – Mission: save Hinata

04:46 – Let’s recap the situation:

04:47 – The entire city is under the influence of the Tokyo Manji kai,

04:49 – a sprawling mafia whose bosses have eyes everywhere

04:51 – Don’t take it in the literal sense,

04:53 – they both only have two eyes.

04:54 – And by ‘them both’ I mean those two:

04:56 – His name is Manjiro Sano, also known under the name ‘Mikey’

04:58 – as for him, it’s Tetta Kisaki.

05:00 – Between us we’ll call him ‘fucking bastard, shitty low-down dog’

05:03 – Excuse me for that. I watched the rest of the series, and you’re going to understand –

05:05 – he’s a fucking bastard. – If you say so

05:06 – Before I explain my plan, do you have any question?

05:08 – I do.

05:09 – First, I love your skin texture, may you give me the name of your day cream?

05:12 – And, thennnnnnn

05:14 – How did you succeed to take pictures this close to them, no jokes?

05:16 – [Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:20 – I can see you.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:21 – Ninja!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:25 – I can see you!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:31 – I can see you!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:40 – I can see you.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:45 – Dude, get the hell out of my house, for real.

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:46 – (muffled) Ninja!

[Reference to a running gag of the comedic duo ‘Palmashow’]

05:47 – I have my methods.

05:48 – Takemichi. You have to prevent Tetta Kisaki from corrupting the Tokyo Manji kai.

05:52 – You have to prevent him from meeting Mikey, no matter the cost.

05:54 – It’s because of

05:55 – – this fucking bastard –

05:56 – of Kisaki if the gang became that violent nowadays

05:58 – But how could I recognize him?

05:59 – Who is that, Kisaki?

06:00 – Don’t worry about it, you can’t miss him, you can smell the bastard at 20 miles

06:03 – Okay. We’ll do it, Naoto.

06:05 – We will save Hinata!

06:07 – See you 12 years ago!

06:09 – (whining) Oh no, damn it! My punchline was great, why isn’t it working?

06:12 – Your hands are really soft. Is it the same cream you use for your face?

06:15 – It was already awkward, you just made it worse

06:16 – Perhaps if you tighten your grip a bit more…

06:19 – Ouch! I say ‘a bit more’, you’re truly a jerk!

X

06:20 – (crowd shouting in the background)

06:21 – (crowd shouting in the background)

What did you sAY

06:23 – (crow shouting in the background)

You want me to smash your fACE IN?

06:24 – (crow shouting in the background)

You’re nuts!

Takemichi: oh, no… It looks like it’s gonna be a very long day…

06:27 – 🎶Takemitchi gets his ass beat all the time🎶

06:30 – 🎶It’s truly not pleasant🎶

06:33 – Kiyomasa: Can’t hear your bigmouth anymore, UH?

06:34 – 🎶Is this girl worth loosing one’s teeth?🎶

06:37 – 🎶Frankly, I would have scram a long time ago🎶

X

06:41 – So? Not so clever now, eh?

06:43 – In my opinion, you’re the one who’s not clever

06:44 – Wh– No, it’s him!

06:45 – Over there… There!

06:50 – Hi

06:53 – [Mikey

“Hi.”]

06:54 – What’s your name?

06:55 – Takemichi

06:56 – You sure have a good nerve, Takemibitch

06:58 – If you don’t laugh I’ll turn your mother into an NFT

06:59 – (forced laughter)

07:00 – Did someone already tell you you were the (both:) neighborhood little bitch?

07:03 – Yeah, yeah, I know

07:04 – Come with me, we’re going to do real Japanese thugs’ stuffs

X

07:06 – *ding-ding*

07:08 – You see it, all the violence? That’s what the real hood is about

07:11 – Wow, I’m bowled over by it (sarcasm)

07:12 – (reference to a French TV station)

(stereotypical voice-over) To go for a ride by the bank of a river

07:15 – (stereotypical voice-over) talking about friendship, wind in the hair

07:17 – (stereotypical voice-over) while admiring a setting-sun...

07:18 – (stereotypical voice-over) A real atmosphere of TERROR in the land of the raising sun.

07:22 – You know Takemiwhine, I respect you a lot

07:23 – (not believing it) Oh really?

07:24 – You’re someone admirable

07:25 – (still not believing it) Yeah?

07:26 – You’re like a brother to me

07:27 – uh-huh

07:28 – And in the gang, we brothers love each other very muchhhhhhhh

07:31 – (starting to get fearful) And what does that mean?

07:32 – Take out your takemidick

07:34 – eh?

07:35 – nooOOOOoooOOOOOOO

X

07:36 – It’s all good, Naoto! I did it!

07:37 – That’s great! So it’s over?

07:39 – Yeah, I did it, I screwed your sister!

07:41 – eh?

07:42 – You saved my sister

07:44 – I- s-

07:45 – saved.

07:46 – Yeah. Yeahyeahyeah

07:47 – I, I, I saved her. I saved her all properly.

07:51 – But I forgot my keys back there

07:52 – You can’t forget an object in a time travel!

07:53 – oh boy, I’m going to miss my time jump– (play of word with ‘sauter’=jump, screw. ‘I’m going to miss [the opportunity of] screwing your sister)

07:55 – [second take, let’s try again]

07:56 – Takemichi, you’re back?

07:57 – Yes. And I have bad news.

07:59 – First, Hinata is dead, that didn’t change

08:01 – And second, my keys are, oh my! completely lost (chuckles)

08:03 – True. Hinata’s still dead

08:05 – We don’t have the choice, we’re going to investigate

08:06 – Do you recognize him?

08:07 – Is that Akkun? What a huge pompadour

08:09 – Puberty doesn’t help everyone

X

08:11 – Oh fuck, it’s worse than on the picture I haven’t been that disappointed since my last Tinder date

08:13 – Excuse me?

08:14 – It’s not to me you own apologies.

08:16 – You own apologies to yourself to have inflicted this look on you

08:18 – excuse me?

08:19 – STOP apologizing all the time, it’s tiring

08:21 – Why are we on the roof?

08:22 – I’m sorry Takemichi.

08:26 – –I’m taking back what I said, apologize.

08:23 – Would you stop apologizing, dammit?!

08:25 – I’m the one who pushed you under the train

08:27 – It’s because of this Tetta Kisaki bastard. He forced me to do it

08:30 – What? He threatened your family?!

08:31 – Well there’s that…

08:32 – And he handed me a huge check

08:33 – I thought we were friends!

08:35 – Yeah, friends among other things…

08:37 – but you didn’t call often, the check was really big

08:39 – But since you busted me, I have remorse now

08:40 (sad music starts to play)

08:41 – Takemichi, I always loved my friends as if they were my brothers

08:43 – (sad music stops) ‘as if they were my brothers’ actual brothers, or…?

08:45 – (naive) like brothers.

08:46 – Whew.

08:47 – Do you want me to yell out my love for you?

08:49 – Yell out your love for me?

08:50 – Yeah.

08:51 – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

08:54 – OH MY GOD

08:57 – MY CAR (starts crying)

X

09:00 – I think the investigation is going...

09:01 – -very fast?

09:02 – Not at all. I don’t know how you work things out. You’re the most incompetent man that I’ve never seen

09:04 – yipee…

09:05 – Okay, since visibly I’m talking to Einstein, I’ll explain everything to you again

09:08 – Mikey is being manipulated since Draken’s death

09:10 – He was the only one who succeeded to contain Mikey’s anger

09:12 – So, to avoid the corruption of the Tokyo Manji kai, you have to…

09:15 – sleep with your sister!

09:16 – There it goes…

09:17 – –what you shouldn’t be saying. Why?

09:19 – Well I don’t know

09:20 – When I, I do know

09:21 – I love Pierre Niney in ‘La Flamme’ [French reference. French actor & French comedic series – one of his line is “when I, I do know”]

09:22 – Let’s go, Takemichi! You have to go save Draken!

09:24 – Screw Draken!

09:25 – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

09:28 – No.

09:29 – You’re not a fun person.

09:30 – If my intel is exact, exactly 12 years ago from now, Mikey and Draken got into a fight

09:35 – That’s probably what caused the split of the Tokyo Manji kai and soon after: Draken’s death

09:39 – Your mission if you accept it

09:40 – – and you don’t have any other choice –

09:41 – [gasp]

09:42 – It’s to go do everything you have to to avoid this dispute

09:43 – A street fight between two gang members, how does it look like?

X

09:46 – [western soundtrack] Well, well, well, isn’t it the little runt?

09:49 – It doesn’t smell too much like feet when you’re 110 centimeters tall?

09:51 – You speak a lot, tall string bean

09:52 – I spoke to your girl, it seems the dragon on your temple is to compensate for the one you don’t have in your pants?

09:56 – thEy’rE BLoWing a fUsE

09:58 – How violent! Someone call the police!

10:00 – Guys! Stop!

10:02 – Have you look at yourselves, really?

10:03 – You are slaves of a system where people see each other without looking at each other,

10:06 – hear each other without listening to each other!

10:07 – There’s only war and conflict. Always war!

10:10 – Couldn’t we just stop to fight each other for five minutes?!!

10:12 – Woaw, Takemichi, what you just said that’s…

10:15 – That’s so boring I forgot what we were yelling at each other

10:17 – Real. Let’s go drink a bier while smoking a good colombian cigarro

10:20 – We’re minors, dude

10:21 – Real. Let’s go drink a caprisun and eat cotton candy at the amusement park

10:24 – We’re in the hood, bro.

X

10:25 – I’m cold, Takemichi

10:26 – ah okay, without any transition

10:28 – Listen. I believe it’s the right time.

10:29 – If you have things to tell me, things to confess…

10:31 – Whatever you have in your heart, I’m ready to hear it

10:33 – Well, everybody insinuates you’re my girlfriend since the start, including in front of you, so… That’s not really a secret, is it?

10:38 – We all have secrets, Takemichi

10:39 – Yes, but that one is not one

10:41 – Kiss me.

10:42 – Oh my god, that’s real, that’s happening!

10:43 – And Naoto is only a little brat who can’t cockblock me!

10:45 – This time I’m going to s–

10:46 – [ringtone. The song is called ‘Time Time’ ;p]

10:48 – Hello?!

10:49 – [Naoto:] –ave. [Takemichi:] What?

10:50 – You’re going to sAVE her.

10:51 – Naoto, you’re calling me through time and space now?!!?!

10:52 – When it’s my sister we’re talking about, I don’t joke around at all, dude

10:54 – Alright…Saving Draken, not touching your sister

10:57 – THANK YOU.

10:58 – [jinggle] Particularly since she’s super minor

X

11:00 – Back to the mission, we’re going to save Draken!

11:02 – –Stab Draken.

11:03 – Dude, you already told me on the phone!

11:04 – Yeah? Well I say it again,

11:05 – in case an eventual watcher would want to make the intrigue of an anime in which he’s the protagonist going

11:09 – Uh… You’re asking yourself some really meta-physic questions, bro

11:11 – Yeah, I have anxiety disorders, I sleep bad at night, my hamster is sick, his name is Crumbs

11:15 – Okay, I have to follow those guys without getting caught

11:17 – Where I am, I’m literally undetectable

11:18 – All I have to do is remain discreet –

11:20 – Guys, I found a dude behind the poleeee

11:21 – Wuahhahahha

X

11:22 – Shitty pole, shitty Draken, everything’s shitty, I’m tired of this shitty life!

11:27 – Takemichi, is it you?

11:28 – Shitty Hinata!

11:29 – I love you, Takemichi

11:30 – Lovely Hinata.

11:31 – I saw what those boys did to you, it’s terrible

11:33 – I’m weak, Hinata…

11:34 – Takemichi, you know…

11:36 – It doesn’t matter if you’re not like Mikey and Draken

11:38 – True, they are…

11:40 – A lot more handsome, strong, smart, powerful, charismatic

11:42 – Great.

11:43 – Yeah, great, too

11:44 – Wondrous!

11:46 – It’s ‘wonderful’, dummie. And they are too, but you see Takemichi, the one I chose is you.

11:50 – I have a kink on ugly people.

11:51 – Ah.

11:52 – Huge victims, bleach blond guys who whine all the time, tied-up in the mud like big losers! I like that a lot!

11:57 – Uh… thanks a lot

11:58 – Really, what a loser.

11:59 – [Takemichi chuckles bitterly] What a sucker! [Takemichi: great!]

12:00 – What a failure [Takemichi: it’s getting long] Your mom have to regret you so much!

12:02 – Stop pushing it, shut up!

X

12:04 – Draken, beware those guys want to kill you!

12:06 – Is that so? They aren’t here to play Uno?

12:07 – What make you think that??

12:08 – The fact there’s fifty of them?

12:09 – the baseball bats?

12:10 – or the fact they already beat the shit out of me, ASSHOLE?!!??!?

12:12 – You just all collectively decided to bust my balls today or what?!!

12:14 – Don’t worry, I’m here!

12:16 – [Mikey

“Nobody has to worry, he’s here.”]

12:17 – And above all, I have a plan!

12:19 – [Mikey

“And above all, he has a plan.”]

12:20 – So you’re Mikey

12:21 – [tries to kick Hanma’s face, fails]

12:23 – OK, I don’t have a plan anymore!

12:24 – [Takemichi] Your plan was just to kick him in the jaw?!!?!

12:26 – [Mikey] I’m a lil vandal from the neighborhood, not a military strategist

12:28 – [Toman] Don’t worry, guys!

12:31 – [Takemichi] Oh wow! The Tokyo Manji kai is entirely here!

12:35 – Uh… And so? What do we do?

12:37 – [Mikey] Well I don’t know. Uh... There are rules to start? Or a turn of phrase that I could use to start this confrontation?

12:44 – Fuck ‘em up!!!

12:45 – Thanks, I’ll remember it!

X

12:49 – Wait I have another plan to stop this massacre!

12:51 – I’m going to show them my powers

12:54 – Come here, you

12:55 – Uh, what the fuck are you doing, let me go!

12:56 – Shhh, relax yourself, your eyelids are heavy

12:59 – What the fuck is he doing?

13:00 – Think of a sound that soothes you like…

13:01 – A fork scratching against a plate!

13:03 – It doesn’t relax me at all, I want to punch someone

13:05 – [Draken:] Mikey for the fiftieth time this week, you are not a hypnotist!

13:08 – Wait, I’m sure he’s thinking of the number 5!

13:10 – That’s mentalism, not hypnotism!

13:12 – Yeah, and sorry but I was thinking of the number 7

13:13 – Shit.

X

13:14 – I have to find Draken!

13:15 – I know my therapist tells me I’m paranoiac but I’m convinced that a protagonist from a manga published in the weekly shonen jump magazine is observing me.

13:21 – And so I’m going to announce out loud what I just did.

13:23 – I stabbed Draken~

13:25 – DRAKENNNN!!!!

X

13:27 – Well frankly I’m fine

13:28 – You must be joking, there was 2 litters of blood on the ground

13:30 – Well if there’s 2 out it leaves 3 inside

13:32 – It’s… Factually correct

13:34 – It’s more than enough to vascularize my two enormous balls

13:35 – …

13:37 – Okay.

13:38 – And when will you be able to walk again?

13:40 – Well here, right now

13:41 – Ah, great

13:42 – And you know what, the guy may have stabbed me in the stomach but my digestive system is still intact, watch this-

13:46 – Draken!

13:47 – One second- – Draken!

X

13:48 – Takemichi, you saved Draken!?

13:49 – I don’t know if that’s exactly like that I’d say it but–

13:52 – YOU SCREWED DRAKEN?!!???!

13:53 – That’s not what I meant!

13:55 – Either way, I have good news for you, Takemichi

13:56 – Hinata!

13:57 – Takemichi!

13:58 – Enjoy it! [whisper:] It’s not going to last

13:59 – What?

14:00 – Let’s go, it’s time for the date! Have a nice evening!

14:01 – [whispering] It’s going to be short [Hinata:] What?

X

14:02 – This date is so romantic

14:04 – I love being left to gather dust for thirty minutes alone in a car

14:07 – Well… I’m going to put some music…

[the soundtrack is a famous short French song where children ask their father to push on the ‘mushroom’/throttle pedal if he’s a ‘champion’]

14:14 – [GAME!]

14:16 – Hinata, NO!

14:17 – Quick, get out of here!

14:18 – I don’t get out of here before the release of What The Cut 38! [a series of videos well-known and legendary of French Youtube. Stopped years ago after episode 37. Some people are still asking for more despite the creator’s refusal]

14:20 – Hinata, you can’t reasonably stay in an ablaze car for eternity!

14:24 – Well if that’s the case, not before Michel Drucker’s death! [well-known French TV presenter. Has been doing his job for years, still isn’t retiring. French equivalent of Elisabeth II (until she died at least)]

14:25 – Be realistic, it’s never going to happen!

14:28 – He’s almost 80 years old! Maybe at the moment people are watching this video he’s already–

14:30 – Shh, shh, shh. Listen to me closely

14:32 – You speak ill of whoever you want, but not my Mich-Mich, ‘kay?

X

14:34 – [bored voice-over] We today weep for Hinata Tachibana’s death

14:36 – Well, you cry, I personally don’t give a shit

14:38 – [Takemichi thinking] I’m sure there was better picture of her

14:40 – Fate persists, I wonder what may have killed her

14:42 – Well the truck that charged into her, isn’t that what you told me?

14:45 – Ah, yeah, yeah, that, the truck… [the joke is that he choked her in the car for speaking ill of Michel Drucker]

14:46 – If Draken’s death isn’t the problem it means it comes from somewhere

14:49 – No kidding…

14:50 – We don’t have any choice left, we have to get rid of the source of evil, we have to stop of Tetta Kisaki

14:54 – How can we do that?

14:55 – Honestly,/

14:56 – Liar, you’re not even /

14:57 – I’m going to /

14:58 – That’s what is called a pleonasm,

14:59 – /

15:00 – Well, fuck it, I have no more idea, manage by yourself so Kisaki does not go up in the Tokyo Manji kai hierarchy.

X

15:06 – Congrats, Tetta Kisaki, you go up in Tokyo Manji kai hierarchy!

15:07 – [Takemichi] You must be kidding me!!!

15:09 – No, I’m not. For example, there I am: Where do biscuits go to dance?

15:13 – [random Toman member] To the bisco club!

15:14 – [Mikey, whining] That’s not fair, they already knew it…

X

15:15 – Tetta doesn’t seem to be joking around...

15:17 – He’s truly scary

15:18 – Murderous look, eyebrows shaped like devil horns, small earring…

15:21 – Dude’s well-groomed

15:22 – In reality I could go stab him right at this very moment and take care of the problem!

15:25 – [punch & pain sounds]

15:27 – But no! We are going to get into a ‘peace&love’ plot, without violence, without going overboard, without doing anything!

X

15:30 – It’s time to get crazily violent

15:32 – This bastard, Baji left to join Walhalla

15:34 – What? He died a true viking while doing honor to Odin?

15:36 – Not at all, that’s the name of the gang opposite

15:38 – It’s too complicated, there’s too many gang…

15:40 – It’s the series principle: war among gangs

15:41 – You think that’s what we call a ‘Gang Bang’?

15:45 – … Anyway, bring me Baji back

X

15:46 – Hi. Kazutora.

15:47 – What do you mean ‘Kazugotya’? Who’s he? He’s following me? Who’s that ‘Kazu’?

15:50 – Nah, that’s my name

15:51 – Your nana?!!

15:52 – You’re really gonna have to make an effort here, bro

15:53 – Uh, Where are you bringing me to?

15:54 – Don’t worry, we’re going to check on some friends

15:55 – [Chifuyu’s sounds]

15:58 – It… It does check hard

16:00 – Get in.

16:01 – No… Thanks

16:02 – Get in.

16:03 – [Takemichi whining+Chifuyu’s sounds]

16:04 – Do you know the shared trait between a magician with a cold and your mother last night?

16:07 – Both do extraordinary things and shout “Baji! Baji”! (‘magic! magic!’ But pronounced with a cold)

16:10 – [Chifuyu] He’s getting ratio-ed and he’s yelling ‘baji-baji’?

16:13 – Big flop!

16:15 – Baji! Uh… Come back?

16:17 – Don’t wanna

16:18 – Fuck, he’s good at this!

X

16:19 – [Chifuyu crying]

16:20 – Ah! You speak Crybaby too!?

16:21 – I’m not a crybaby, I just got my face bashed in

16:23 – Come on, please, to make me happy…

16:25 – Okay, alright…

16:26 – [(cry)baby language]

16:28 – What?!! I’ve never heard such shocking language!

16:30 – Is that so? And if I told you I had the key to who is hiding behind Valhalla gang?

16:32 – What key, that key?!! (*alternatively: A key? What key?)

16:33 – Ah, you knew it too?

16:34 – Well no, I’m asking you

16:36 – But you just said it

16:37 – Uh?

16:38 – Uh?

16:39 – Ohhhhhhhh!… No, I don’t get it

16:40 – Well, Key-that-key (*key-what-key) in one word it’s…

16:42 – A syntaxical mistake…

16:43 – That’s not– ‘Tetta’

16:44 – You, /

16:45 – Tetta Kisaki!

16:47 – Well, ‘Gesundheit’! What do you want me to say?!!!

X

16:48 – Kisaki is the one leading Walhalla

16:50 – wuHAT. Hell and damnation! I’m staggered!

16:52 – Draken – you are BALD?!!!????!

16:54 – [Draken] It’s him, I don’t have the shadow of a doubt

16:55 – Nor the shadow of a single hair!

X

16:56 – I have no idea on how to stop Tetta Kisaki

16:58 – With handcuffs? – Shut the fuck up

16:59 – By reading him his right…

17:01 – Why did I trust you… Give me a real idea!

17:03 – Okay, mark carefully everything I’m going to tell you

17:04 – On Halloween there’s going to be a real blood bath, a brawl between Walhalla and Toman. It’s the moment where Mikey is going to start to lose it. Because Baji is going to die and Mikey will take out his frustration on Kazutora until he dies. It’s easy: I need to prevent Baji’s death and avoid that Mikey flips out. What do you think?

17:18 – Two out of ten

17:19 – Uh?

17:20 – No, not ‘one’, two out of ten

17:21 – What are you talking about?

17:22 – Well you told me to mark everything you were telling me

17:23 – / Not like that, mark with a pen!

17:26 – Ah, well I can mark your grade on a sheet if you want but I don’t see where it leads us to

17:29 – Rrrrrrahhhhh

17:30 – Send me back!

17:31 – Uh… /

17:32 – Send me back in time!

X

17:33 – Listen, Kazutora, we have to start up anew with a healthy beginning

17:36 – You know, we were all tight-knight back then,

17:38 – and nobody understood why you’re that angry with Mikey

17:40 – That’s not difficult, I killed his brother

17:41 – You see, that’s precisely that nobody understands

17:43 – I killed this dude’s brother, I’m not going to FORGIVE him

17:46 – Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Do-Do you even understand yourself?

17:49 – I kill this dude’s brother and he’s there chill and he has the audacity to look at me in the eyes

17:52 – Mister, is there a medical history of strokes in your family?

17:54 – Time will probably do what it does. But if I kill his mom by then he’s going to hear me!

17:58 – Fuck it, you’re only taking shit!

17:59 – I got it, between us there won’t be any truce!

X

18:01 – Enough with the yakking, fuckers,

18:03 – This clash will be a logic test.

18:05 – Is that okay with you, Kazutora?

18:08 – WHY AM I HITTING YOU??? EXPLAIN!! I HATE YOU!!!

18:11 – Well, then we’ll do that by fighting

18:13 – oh fuck yeah.

18:14 – Hey, Mikey!

18:15 – Remind me: how do you start a clash, already?

18:18 – [inhale] FUCK ‘EM UP!!!!

18:19 – YEAH!!!!

X

18:22 – I warned you, Mikey!

18:23 – You can flee all you want

18:24 – – Kazutora-gotya!

18:25 – You wield the language great, but we’re going to see this

18:27 – BEWARE, HERE IT GOES,

18:28 – MIKEY-KICK!

X

18:30 – Gabriel Chantouin, you are a physic professor at Sorbonne, what do you think about what we just saw?

18:36 – It’s shit

18:38 – [inhale]… Thank you, Gabriel Chantouin–

X

18:40 – Guys! Mikey is exhausted

18:41 – Time to beat the fuck out of him at 60 versus 1 with blunt objects while he has no way of retaliating!

18:47 – Like real men?!!

18:48 – Like real men!!!

18:49 – YEAH!!!

18:50 – No, MIKEYYYYYYY!!!

18:51 – Hold, stop!

18:52 – Wait, zoom?

18:53 – Oh wow

18:54 – WoaOOOAaooAAw

X

18:56 – Gabriel Chantouin, you are still a physic professor at Sorbonne

18:59 – What do you think about the prominence of the posterior of the young man we just saw?

19:03 – Like we said back in my days:

19:04 – it’s an ass for champions.

19:06 – …

19:07 – Thank you, Gabriel Chantouin–

X

19:09 – Baji, you shouldn’t do that alone!

19:11 – What are you talking about?

19:12 – Stop playing innocent,

19:13 – we’ll both say what we think at the same time!

19:15 – One, two, three!

19:17 – Baji: go out with Madison Beer

Chifuyu: Stop Tetta Kisaki!

19:18 – Madison Beer? But, what about Tetta Kisaki?

19:20 – Uh… Tetta Kisaki, yeah, yeah he’s my goal

19:22 – Well, no, not to go out with him, but stop him, I…

19:25 – Fuck.

19:26 – You have a plan of action?

19:27 – Yeah, first step is to type to survive

X

19:29 – AAaaaAAOUCH

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BAJI!

19:31 – WHY DID YOU STAB MY RIB, YOU ASS?

19:33 – THIS IS ALL MIKEY’S FAULT!

19:34 – AND HIS BROTHER!

19:35 – AND THIS ICE CREAM MAN AT THIS SQUARE TWO YEARS AGO

19:37 – WHO GAVE ME A PISTACHIO SUPPLEMENT

19:39 – WHEN I DIDN’T ASK FOR IT!!!

X

19:40 – Hi.

19:41 – It’s the voice-over.

19:42 – I wasn’t there in the previous parody video

19:43 – It feels weird, doesn’t it?

19:44 – Yeah…

19:45 – And now, a brief sum up of episode 21:

19:47 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:48 – Wait, he’s going to kill him at this point

19:49 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:50 – Maybe we should separate them?

19:51 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:52 – So young and so dead!

19:53 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:54 – Why do none of these assholes lift a finger?!!

19:55 – [Mikey machine-guns Kazutora]

19:56 – Wait, I just got stabbed and nobody gives a shit?

19:58 – My natural need for attention is not met!

20:01 – GUYS!

20:02 – (ah, I stop moving)

20:03 – The samurai tried to commit seppuku

20:05 – But he failed,

20:07 – he didn’t have the guts to do it!

20:08 – Unlike me!

20:11 – (Woaw, awk–ward) (*the guy’s awkward)

X

20:13 – Repeat after me Kazutora, this is all…

20:16 – Baji’s fault?

20:17 – No! That’s not the right answer, Kazutora! Bad!

20:20 – It’s, it’s…

20:21 – The ice cream man’s fault!

20:22 – No, Kazutora! Very badly answered, bad boy! (*naughty boy=

20:24 – (whines)

20:25 – /

20:27 – /

20:28 – /

20:29 – /

20:30 – (whines)

20:31 – Go ahead and rot in jail, Crazytora

20:32 – Wuuhat?

X

20:34 – Welcome to your house, Master Takemichi!

20:36 – The timeline changed: I’m a high-ranking yakuza

20:38 – Which means…

20:40 – Which means!

20:41 – Hinata Tachibana is dead.

20:42 – I don’t give a single fuck! I’m rich!

20:44 – I can pay an escort twice as hot!

20:46 – I can finally live as I want to!

X

20:47 – You’re going to die here and now

20:49 – Who’s this guy!?

20:50 – Takemichi, times changed

20:52 – Nowadays I am at the top of a financial empire

20:54 – I have an army ready to kneel for me

20:56 – And contrary to the comedian voicing me,

20:58 – – I still have hair

20:59 – Eh!

21:02 – [moan]

21:03 – [through gritted teeth] Tetta… How do you do to--

21:05 – Have eyebrows this greatly trimmed?

21:06 – It’s two hours every week at the esthetician’s on Mondays at 2:30 pm,

21:10 – Sabrina truly has nimble fingers

21:11 – I was mainly wondering how you can sleep at night, you filthy monster!

21:14 – It’s easy really, 2 hours of ASMR nature sounds and chamomile tea

21:18 – He has such perfect answers I’d almost forgive him for the bullet he’s going to shoot in my head in a few seconds

21:21 – Oh, no, come on! You spoiled me!

21:24 – I myself wasn’t aware I was going to do it,

21:26 – I was enjoying hesitating, fUckk

21:29 – Well, when it’s time to go…

21:30 – [gunshot]

21:31 – chiFUYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:34 – Stop!

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:36 – I didn’t intend to shot, really

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:38 – It– It’s getting on my nerves!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

21:40 – SHUT THE FUCK UP

21:42 – uuU? [Mikey mouse wannabe]

21:44 – Well, Big Bad Guy: introduction, done

21:45 – I didn’t tell you the plan but basically it’s world domination, there

21:48 – And, well, how do I conclude this,

21:50 – It’s always hard, so I…

21:52 – I don’t know,

21:53 – Should I shoot you in the head?

21:54 – Be a very big pathetic loser if you’re okay with it

21:56 – [pants]

21:57 – Okay, you’re okay with it, okay then that’s what we do, I love when business goes nicely like this when,

22:01 – when the agreement is, is mutual

22:03 – Farewell, Takemichi

22:04 – [gunshot]

22:06 – (“Crybaby” starts playing)

[TOKYO CLIFFHANGER クリフハンガ一ズ]

[thetapirsarehyperfixating]

hi! first time making an original post in like years. anyways

this is my canon timeline for dragon age, written out in prep for veilguard's release :> larger versions of the busts, plus assorted rambling, below the cut.

eventually, i am probably going to cave and post some stuff about these bastards on ao3 - if you are interested, this is where to look: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tapir_boy/works

SARRELAN TABRIS: as im writing this post my partner looked over, saw sarrelan, and went "thats my fuckign WIFE". so shes highly reviewed

Sarrelan is the Warden-Commander and Hero of Ferelden, the woman who killed the Archdemon, ended the Fifth Blight, Arlessa of Amaranthine, and winner of Vigil's Keep's Biggest Bitch award twenty-two years and counting. she is full to the brim with autism, which is part of the reason she looks so. mad. all of the time. she doesn't mean to, she just does not Emote well and so comes off as being more aggressive than she actually is. now don't get her wrong, she is also full of rage and kind of jumps to violence as a first resort, but she is capable of listening to people and generally does like people, like she thinks good people deserve things and wants to give them good things. she just never looks like she does.

she's got kind of an immediate bond with Alistair, something to be said about him being basically the first human man who's ever treated her with respect and actually listened to her when she takes control of a situation. ive seen interesting commentary out there about how alistair immediately turns control of the situation over to the HoF and how that can be really disorienting/frustrating/upsetting for some characters, but its kind of the opposite for sarrelan. shes had almost two decades of experience getting into shit with her cousins, shes used to taking charge and she likes having that control, and its a relief that alistair doesn't try to fight her on it.

zevran is a little more rough-going to start as they're both very different people - zevran is used to reading more into people's body language, and sarrelan's body language is very disassociated from her actual emotions, so he does spend a good while thinking he's in like Imminent Danger while sarrelan's in the corner trying to figure out if she actually Likes this guy flirting with her. (she does).

zevran semi-accidentially insinuates himself in alistair and sarrelan's relationship right after it starts, half-jokingly offering to have a threesome to help them both get over their nerves of losing their virginity, and then oops oh no they all caught feelings and no one knows how to deal with it. they only figure their shit out a few days before the battle of denerim and it's as sarrelan is On Top of the archdemon, getting ready to kill it, still unsure if Morrigan's ritual will work and if she'll even survive this, that she's able to tell them she loves them.

zevran's earring is the only piercing she has, and she treasures it greatly. she's a two handed warrior and has a sword bigger than herself. shes also gone 1v1 with an orge alpha and survived. canonically. id say i have video proof but i dont. just trust me bro

(TW FOR SA, NOT GRAPHICALLY DESCRIBED)

CONNOR HAWKE: local man made of 20 different types of trauma in a cool chestplate

connor is actually adopted into the hawke family! long story short, he was born in kirkwall and was taken to the circle there, and only left because his enchanters conspired to smuggle him out after one of the templars assaulted him. he fled to ferelden where he came across the hawke family, who took him and his daughter in and helped him fake a new identity with them. he's not happy to be back in kirkwall, but the city is a part of him whether he likes it or not - it's eating him alive but without it, he doesn't feel like himself. he's a very dedicated and loyal person, usually to his detriment, but he feels like he can't keep running from the threat of the templars anymore, he has to do something to fix this makerdamned city now.

(TW IS OVER)

he's got Something going on with the whole kirkwall crew, it just never really expands into anything for years because he's basically married to the job. but his life has been intertwined with these people's since he met them, and at a certain point all of those feelings mesh together and he's sitting there at wicked grace night and realizes he might be In Love with all of them, and then he has to make a hasty exit before he has a complete and total breakdown over it. during the timespan of DA2, anders is really the only person he has a romantic relationship with, because justice is getting tired of anders holding himself back from maybe the one other man in kirkwall who would support him no matter what, and kisses connor like the day before he has to leave on a longer quest to the sundermount. connor makes them discuss their feelings afterwards and they end up figuring it out, although the rest of the kirkcule are like. still fucking each other and are by no means exclusive at this point. the rest of them just never talk about it, because things go downhill in act 2 FAST. like, within a month he loses his mother, almost gets dragged back to the circle, has to fake his daughter's death, completely destroys his relationship with carver, and almost dies fighting the arishok.

the connor hawke of reality and the Champion of Kirkwall that gets immortalized by varric are two very different people - basically by the time that connor gets the name of Champion, he's already been working on maintaining a public persona that he just calls Hawke, and after everything with his daughter being sent away, he never lets that mask down again. he really considers Hawke to be a completely different person to Connor, and varric tries to help cement that difference in the Tale of the Champion. Hawke's story is that he was always Ferelden, his daughter was adopted and really did die, and he had no idea anders was getting so radical until the moment the chantry exploded - connor's story is that from the moment he sent Lila away, he was planning to find some way to take down Meredith.

he and anders spend a lot of time inbetween acts 2-3 trying to figure out more peaceful ways to address the chantry and bring some - any - oversight to the circles, but when all of that fails, they finally resort to plan dynamite. when all is said and done, they go to amaranthine to be reunited with lila, and then go on the run trying to help the mages break out of the circles and evade the templars. when he hears that varric was kidnapped by cassandra and that she's looking for him to speak at the conclave, he sees it as an opportunity to make a case for the rebel mages, and goes despite all the warnings not to. he survives in the fade up until the questline where the Herald goes into the fade, finds him alive, and drags him back home to see his daughter again. then he stays in skyhold to basically act as an advisor to her, and when the rest of the kirkcule get their hands on him, it kind of spurs him on to finally address his relationship to the rest of them.

connor is a force mage by default, but given how long he spent in Ferelden living on the run from the templars, he mastered both casting without a staff and fighting without magic. he's both tall and strong, but he manages to avoid scaring people off through sheer Dad energy.

LILA HAWKE: hey look theres that daughter we've been talking about

Lila is very much her father's daughter, but she doesn't have his same talent for acting calm or friendly, if she doesn't like you she Will tell you to your face and she will not work with you. (cullen.) after hawke's "death" at the conclave, she kind of becomes the defacto leader of the rebel mages, which is definitely a normal amount of responsibility for a twenty-one year old struggling with ongoing mental health issues and overwhelming grief to handle. shes doing great

(slight detour: to address some of the weirdness with DAI's timelines im having there be basically 3 factions of mages in the rebellion: the Circle mages, who want to remain under the circles with the exact same setup as before; the College mages, who like the idea of having their own spaces and want some oversight, but also some oversight of the oversight to address the rampant abuses of powers; and the Hawkes, the rebel mages who want no circles and no templars and the ability to live their lives in the same communities as non-mages. the Circle mages mostly look to Vivienne for leadership, the College mages are rallied behind Fiona, and the Hawkes were roaming the continent with Connor, now working loosely with the Inquisition with Lila.)

she's got some health issues - she's shorter than varric by a few inches despite being a human, she has moderate asthma, and semi-regular psychotic episodes, mostly auditory/visual hallucinations and paranoid episodes. bubba, the family mabari, acts as a service dog for her when he isn't doing the same for connor, and i imagine at some point between inquisition and veilguard, she has her own mabari who works full-time as her service dog.

she is one of the co-inquisitors for DAI, but she is not the herald of Andraste; she wasn't actually at the conclave when it exploded, she was down in haven with varric and anders, but she kind of gets roped into everything because cassandra says "youre a hawke, you're going to get involved anyways" and lila... can't really argue with that, she's just mad that cassandra was right. arisas is the diplomatic one, she's the more experienced one, and they honestly balance each other out really well. it frustrates her to no end that arisas is almost literally twice her height.

lila kind of regards her time in amaranthine as the best of a really, really shitty situation - she hates that she lost so much time with her father, that her teenage years were so tumultuous and that she had so many milestones of her life and she couldn't talk to her father about them, she never got to introduce her first girlfriend to him, she had to come out to him over letters, and while she has a lot of respect for the wardens in amaranthine and appreciates them for taking her in with no questions asked, she hates that she lives in a world where that had to happen in the first place. sarrelan is the person who made her realize she might be kind of butch, and zevran taught her how to actually fight instead of just using her magic for experimentation. connor never kept a grimoire after fleeing kirkwall (too obvious and too much evidence, especially if it got lost or stolen), but she does, and it's filled to the brim with notes and homebrewed spells.

ARISAS ADAAR: please help him he is too young for this

arisas is by far the youngest person to get involved in a major political conflict in my canon - he turns 16 during the events of DAI - and he is trying so hard to keep people from learning that information. he grew up in tevinter, taken there from par vollen as a very young child, and doesn't have the greatest grasp of southern mage/templar politics and is very confused by everything happening at the start of the game. he joined with a mercenary company as his first job, and was only with them for a few weeks before they got hired for the conclave, and he was Not getting paid enough to get a crash course in the differences between southern mages and tevinter mages.

ari is a lot more hesitant / cautious than lila is, partially because he has an anxiety disorder, and partially because he just knows a lot less about the south than she does. if it were up to him, he would not be in charge of this mess, but he's the one with the Anchor so he kind of has to be. he takes to the diplomacy pretty well, and he at least always finishes the paperwork that josephine sets in front of him (unlike liia, who will get distracted and go do something else halfway through). it does mean that he is constantly sleep deprived

inquisition is probably his first big exposure to a lot of queer people in very close proximity to him - between lila, leliana, dorian, and bull, it's the first time that he's really considered that people could be queer, much less trans, and it starts to make him question some things that he really doesn't have time to question. and, as the game continues, it doesnt really seem like questioning it will do him any good, as the inquisition continues to erase him and fill in the blanks with the Herald of Andraste, so he basically goes "even if i am queer, looking into it now will do me no good, because no one here is going to listen or respect that" and continues on like normal. (post canon he does figure some shit out, although he still uses he/him pronouns).

ari looks up to bull a lot, at first because he's a qunari who actually follows the qun, and ari is very curious and kind of wants bull to take him under his wing and become a father figure to him; but when bull becomes tal-vashoth and leaves the qun, ari tries to reassure him that he's the same man regardless of the identity he ties himself to, and that there's no shame in acting outside of the qun if it means protecting the people he cares about. bull in turn tries to help ari come out of his shell and maintain his sense of self in the midst of everything that comes with being the herald.

he struggles a LOT with having his identity erased by the inquisition, being both revered and reviled and rewritten with every step he takes. it makes him feel just thorougly inhuman and alone, and causes a mental breakdown after trespasser. he tries to stay in politics for a few years post canon, tries to help dorian with reforming tevinter with all this newfound influence he has, but being in the spotlight so much is detrimental to his heath, and he ends up having an early retirement in his mid-20s. he moves to kirkwall and raises nugs. this is the greatest his life has ever been.

[sayyestoheavensayyestome]

[thedailyvio]

Day 182

[loving-jack-kelly]

jack in third grade with a crush on davey teasing him on the playground bc he doesn't know what else to do with the weird emotion.

jack in middle school realizing that it's a crush and not knowing what to do with the weird and now terrifying emotions so he stops talking to davey altogether.

jack in high school feeling like shit for ghosting somebody he used to be close with but not knowing what to do about it now that it's been four years and they're about to graduate and also he still gets weirdly sentimental and also butterflies when he hears davey laugh from across the room.

jack in college texting davey happy birthday because he can't think of a better way to restart a relationship that pretty much ended eight years ago and he misses home and misses familiarity and has never forgotten davey's birthday since the first time he learned it in elementary school.

[bankbee]

What can I even say

[aeolianblues]

The duality of life is so crazy. I was back on campus today, I’ve been feeling pretty ancient all week because it’s been frosh week which means I have to deal with the fact that this year’s class graduates in 2028 (that’s not a real year) and were born in 2006 and 07, years that I can remember writing in the margins of a school notebook.

I'm walking around campus for the beginning-of-year campus clubs fair, and it's all, people love me, people think I'm cool, people are coming up to me saying they like my fit, in the meanwhile I'm internally getting jumpscared thinking wait; these incredibly well-dressed kids are approaching me whilst I'm shovelling fucking peanuts into my mouth out of a bag in my tote bag

There comes a point when you officially get Older and become invisible to cool young tiny things, and then you can do whatever you want because they sort of stop noticing you. I've been feeling a bit old this week, I'm at Big Person work, everyone around me is like half a decade younger, we're at quite different stages in our lives, I've been thinking. But I also have the sort of face that would pass me for a 19 y/o clearly, because these kids all have pulled me in like I'm some sort of counter culture bohemian trendsetting cool kid, and whatever the hell that means, it's definitely instantly made me feel a lot younger and connected with 'the youth'

[thedemon-crowley]

Hey, uh, could you tell your friend the bookseller that either someone’s trying to blackmail him or he just happened to drop a printout of his nudes on the hood of the Bentley where anyone could find it.

He doesn’t work there anymore. It’s been taken over by new management

but I’ll, er

let me just go and er

get those

[pteropods]

The meower

[aro-aizawa]

being a fan of miraculous ladybug is painful when you have overwhelming secondhand embarrassment

[doublekanble]

ghost in your home was not supposed to end like that at all lol, wrestled with the idea of letting him have his cake and eat it too or shove it in his face a bit more and ended up with just letting him be

[broke-on-books]

😍😍😍