#24 hour home care in chester

[novahomehealthcare]

When it comes to getting Philadelphia caregiver services, look no further than Nova Home Health Care. Their friendly professionals are able to help you continue to live in your homes, by providing nurturing and safe assistance for practically any need.

[transhuman-priestess]

A High Place in El-Bariyah

The crew of the Huntington grieves the loss of one of their own, while a malevolent force in a distant corner of the solar system forges its newest weapon.

The highly anticipated continuation of The New Flesh is here.

This story contains graphic violence, sexual content, depictions of surgery, brainwashing, identity death, dismemberment, implied rape, abusive parents, firearms, anti-queer slurs, and healthily moderated but melancholy consumption of alcohol.

As always, this story is for adults 18 years of age or older, it's also the third in an ongoing series. Get caught up before you read it!

Chapter 1: The New Flesh Chapter 2: The Third Law

Remember, if you like it, reblog it, and tell me what you liked! I thrive on feedback and shares. I write this stuff for the joy of sharing it with others. Your reblog puts validation directly into my gay little soul.

January 24, 2253 1800 Earth UTC

The Hildas, 530 million kilometers from Jupiter

7 hours. It had been 7 hours since the Huntington had escaped her assailants, and Chester Silvera, First Mate, hadn’t seen the Captain in 6.

He’d just gotten out of the shower. The entire crew was in shock. Most of them had served with Jenna Powell for years. She was their friend, and despite the frequent clashes between her and Holder, Silvera knew that the crew respected and liked both of them.

Silvera surveyed his quarters, a moderately-sized suite of around 20 square meters, containing a modest bed, a small galley, a lavatory, and the shower he had just vacated. The Huntington’s crew accommodations were far from palatial, but they were home.

Chester walked to his dresser, donned a black band T-shirt (The Carowells, Jovian Tour 2250), khaki shorts, and sneakers. He grabbed his portable radio off the table, clipped the handset to his belt and the remote mic to his collar. It chirped reassuringly as he turned it on.

Keying the mic he said, “This is Silvera, anyone seen the Captain?”

A moment later, Jill Campbell’s voice crackled to life on the speaker. “Door logs say she’s still in her quarters. Her radio’s off, want me to ring her?”

“No, I’ll just walk right over, thank you.”

“No problem.”

He opened the door to the hallway outside. The corridor was well-lit, and lined with short-pile navy blue carpet and fake-wood-grained wall paneling that had probably been quite fashionable 20 years ago, but now gave the ship a hopelessly outdated look. Chester actually quite liked it. The old girl was past her prime, but she had a sense of style, and you had to admire her for that.

Holder’s quarters were 10 meters down the hall, on the same side as Silvera’s, adjacent to the bridge entrance. Between their rooms was a corridor that led to the now-vacated Engineer’s quarters, the mess hall, the rec room, and the crew dormitories. As he passed the hallway, Silvera caught a glimpse of Powell’s door. It was closed, and unadorned. He thought about peering inside, but decided that wasn’t his place, and instead he continued to Holder’s room.

Silvera knocked a syncopated pattern on the Captain’s door, and was greeted with a dull, “Enter.”

He turned the knob and swung the door open to reveal the darkened bedroom beyond. A window faced out towards space, looking aft over the ore holds. The #3 bay was still open, its massive door blocking the view of the engines’ yellow-white exhaust plumes.

The captain was lying in her bed, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. She hadn’t shaved her face yet today, and her stubble was creeping in. Silvera never liked to say anything, but he always thought it gave Holder a dashing, roguish look. Right now though, she just looked exhausted.

“Can’t sleep?” Silvera asked, casually, as if this were a normal cruise under normal circumstances, and he had not a care in the solar system.

Holder just lay there, still staring at the ceiling. Silvera waited for her response. When none came, he asked, “Mind if I come in?”

“Sure,” was all she said.

He turned the lights on to their lowest setting and closed the door behind him. This was the first time he’d managed to get a good look at the captain’s quarters. She hadn’t yet put up any decorations, but she had managed to situate a small bookshelf, her favorite armchair, and a small table that currently held a laptop terminal.

“Love what you’ve done with the place,” Silvera joked, “Feels just like home.”

“Chester,” said Holder, without looking at him, “can you fucking not right now?”

Silvera smiled, though Holder didn’t see that. He knew his captain, and he knew he had to get her on her feet to keep her out of trouble. Holder was a problem-solver. She needed dirt on the tires and grease on her hands or she got restless. With the ship moving and no burn scheduled for another 10 days, Silvera had to become that problem.

“Terry, the crew needs to hear something from you,” he said, “They’ve just been through hell. They’ve lost a friend. Now they need a leader.”

“Some fucking leader.” was Holder’s bitter reply.

“You can’t be everywhere at once,” he said, “It’s not your fault Powell didn’t put the tether on.”

“Tell that to the court martial.” the captain said, rolling to face away from him.

“I will,” he said, “and so will the rest of the crew.”

Holder sat up and looked at him, “Are you sure about that? They knew her for years. They met me last month. You don’t have to be a physicist to figure that one out, Chester.”

“The crew will stand by their captain.”

Holder stood now, apparently she’d lay down to sleep in her blue khaki work uniform, “Why? Why will they stand by me? I got Powell killed, Chester. She is dead, because, I fucked up.”

“And how did you do that, hmm?” he asked, “By not breathing down her neck and by treating her like a responsible member of the crew?”

“Chester,” Holder’s voice got louder and she began pacing, “You just told me, right before all of this,” she waved her hands in front of her for emphasis, “that I had to drop my grudge against her. That we’d been butting heads for a month and that I was too hard on her.”

“Terry,” Silvera kept his voice even, “you are not the first Captain to lose a crew member to that crew member’s carelessness.”

“Her carelessness?” Holder said, incredulous, “Chester, I am the Captain, everything on the Huntington is my responsibility, the cargo, the safety of the crew, the integrity of the ship, everything!”

“You are one person.” Silvera could feel his fist clenching

“Who is tasked with maintaining discipline and order,” Holder shot back, “I failed in both. Jenna Powell is dead because I couldn’t control her,” Silvera thought he saw tears in her eyes, “I should have supervised the EVA, I should have checked the suit inventory,” she was shouting now, “I should have turned back and looked for her!”

“And gotten yourself and the rest of the crew killed?”, it was Silvera’s turn to shout now, “With all due respect, shut the fuck up, Theresa!”

Holder was momentarily speechless, incandescent with rage. Finally, she found her voice. “If you ever speak that way to me again, Silvera, I will personally make sure you’re-”

“Yes, yes,” he cut her off, tired of the show, “you’ll personally make sure I’m cleaning out waste reprocessors on Io until I’m old and gray, I’ve heard it before.”

“What is your problem?”

“You! This!” was his response, “Your crew just suffered a trauma and you’re sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself like some first-year cadet when you should be out there, tending to your crew as a captain should.” Holder collapsed into a sitting position on the bed and buried her face in her hands, muttering something Silvera couldn’t quite hear.

“What was that?” Silvera asked.

“I said,” Holder brought her hands away from her face, and Silvera could see the tears lining her cheeks, “That they deserve a better captain than me.”

Chester Silvera had been friends with Holder for half a decade. They’d met on a cargo hauler, the Venture, where Silvera had an engine technician. She’d stayed up helping him study for his command examine, and he’d been her first mate ever since he’d gotten his commission.

“Terry,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “I have served under,” he counted in his head, “4 captains, including you. Now, maybe it’s just my incredibly wise influence,” he paused briefly, and Holder cracked a tiny smile, “but I would say that you are, by far, the best.”

“Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” Holder said, bashfully.

“I wasn’t finished,” Silvera continued, “I’ve never had a truly bad captain, but the ones who’ve impressed me the most have never been the ones that put on a stone face and hide behind their command. The best captains are always those who suffer alongside the crew, who laugh and cry with them. You need to be out there. They don’t need you to be their rock, they need you to be beside them in the flotsam while they’re adrift, so that when someone spots land, you can lead them back to it.”

They sat in silence for a long moment. Finally, Holder grabbed her radio, keyed it, and said, “This is the captain. We’ve had a bad day, probably the worst any of us has ever had. Let’s all meet in the mess hall at 1930. Drinks on me.”

* * *

Time Unknown

Location Unknown

Jenna wasn’t sure if she was in hell yet. She couldn’t possibly be alive in this state. Every signal her body sent was telling her that she should be dead. Her face felt like it was still on fire, her shoulder was in pieces, and she was pretty sure her rib cage was caved in, too. Every breath was agony. She had long since stopped trying to move any part of her body. Even with concerted effort at stillness, though, new pains danced and bloomed throughout her.

Time was behaving strangely, too. She was dizzy, like she’d had too much to drink. Her stomach felt like it was being twisted on an auger. Through the haze of it all, in the back of her engineer’s brain, she knew that if she wasn’t dead yet, she soon would be. She’d taken at least 50 grays of hard fusion radiation. By all accounts, she should have been dead by now.

And yet, she lived. The thing—for that was all that Jenna could call it—that had taken her from the emptiness of space had carried her over its shoulder to some kind of medical facility. It lay her on a cruel-looking steel table and cut her suit off, injecting her with a syringe of some oily substance that filled her mouth with a rusty taste she couldn’t shake. Even now, what had to be hours later, it remained.

She drifted in and out of consciousness for some time. Each time she woke, her head felt slightly clearer. After what felt like half a day, she woke and found that she could move her neck without feeling the crunching of bones beneath it. How long have I been out?

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than a wave of intense nausea swept over her. Though the pain had dulled slightly, it still felt as if she might shatter when she reflexively rolled onto her side, and wretched. Nothing came out. She braced herself with her right arm and was surprised to find that she could bear weight on it. She marveled at this only a moment before another convulsion gripped her stomach. This time, she threw up. The room was dimly lit with a warm light, but even the yellow glow could not hide the contents of her stomach as it spilled onto the floor.

Blood. Lots of blood. Some clotted, some not. Some was bright red and some was nearly black. Jenna heaved again. More vomit, more blood. Her engineer’s brain chimed in again. Sodium-24.

The deuterium-tritium fusion that drove the Huntington’s main engines took two hydrogen atoms, one with an extra neutron, the other with two, and smashed them together to form helium and heat. The helium atoms, technically they were alpha particles, were of little harm to the human body normally, though the sheer quantity of them in fusion exhaust posed a danger. The real problem, however, was the neutrons produced as a byproduct. It was them, she knew, that would seal her fate.

It was the sort of thing that had captured her imagination as a young boy in Dublin. A particle so small and nonreactive that it could pass right through solid objects. Except sometimes, it didn’t. Sometimes, the neutron would hit an atom’s nucleus square-on, and stick there. The nucleus would become unstable, rippling like a drop of water falling from a cloud, and then it would break apart. Do this to the right substances, and you could generate power, build a bomb, trace the flow of blood through the human brain. Do it to the wrong substances, the ones that made up your body, and you became a bomb in slow-motion, destroying yourself, unable to prevent your own demise.

Much of the sodium in her body had absorbed neutrons, changing from stable sodium-23 to radioactive sodium-24. While fusion exhaust had neutrons and alpha particles, both of which penetrated relatively little, sodium-24 emitted gamma rays, and those gamma rays could pass through almost anything short of lead, including the human body. As they did, they stripped the ends off her chromosomes, shredding her DNA and leaving her cells unable to replicate themselves properly. The result was that she was dissolving. As the fastest-dividing cells in her body reached the end of their lifespans, they died. Rather than being replaced, her organs were simply shutting down.

But it didn’t make sense. She had taken so much radiation she should have died within an hour. Why hadn’t she? She was pondering that question when the thing that had brought her to this room stepped through the door.

Jenna’s head was clearer now and she was better able to absorb the figure’s appearance. It had a human shape. Bipedal, standing about 180cm tall. The basic outline of it implied that it was, or at least, had been, female. Cybernetic prosthetics were not unheard of but this lay outside the extreme end of that. The thing’s joints were covered in layered segments of metal with a dark oxide coating, tubing ran over its limbs. The only skin that Jenna could see was its face. The face was almost human. Dark lines ran as veins underneath the skin, the lips gunmetal gray, as if the blood inside had rotted. There was hair, a short tangled mess of raven black. One of the eyes was distinctly mechanical, a bright, electric blue. The other was green, and looked natural.

“You are awake,” was all the thing said.

Jenna made a dry croaking sound as she tried to speak. After several seconds of halting attempts, she finally found her voice, “How...how am I alive?” It hurt to speak. She thought she might have burns on her larynx from inhaling fire.

“We have been able to repair your DNA to a degree,” the figure replied, “However the process is not sufficient to ensure survival. Do not be afraid. We will make you one with us.”

“Let me die.” Jenna begged.

“You have been selected to become an assimilator unit for the hive.” was the figure’s flat reply.

“It hurts.” Jenna felt tears running down her face, “Please, let me die.”

“Your body will be modified and augmented to assimilate others into drones for the hive.”

“Like…you? No...no...”

“Do not be afraid. Your body will be altered surgically and mechanically. Due to the extensive mechanical and radiation damage your body has endured, most of it will need to be replaced with a synthetic chassis.”

“No...god, please”

“You will remain conscious during this process.”

Jenna tried to scream but all that came out was a dull rasp

“You are afraid now, but you will enjoy it, soon.”

The figure placed an anesthesia mask over Jenna’s face.

“As your external tissue is so damaged,” it said, in that flat, synthetic voice, “we were unable to administer the nanites in the usual manner. Instead we have given you a 10cc intravenous infusion.”

“Please,” Jenna whimpered, “please kill me”

Her pleas fell on deaf ears, however, “Usually,” the figure continued, “The surgical procedures would have begun immediately, but the nanites needed time to stabilize your biological processes. We will now begin.”

It grabbed Jenna’s wrists with shocking strength and fixed them to cuffs on the table. She struggled and pulled and twisted, trying to break free, but she wouldn’t have been able to, even with all her strength in her. And she was so tired. Her heart had been racing since the thing had come in, and the adrenaline had worn her down. It wasn’t so much that she resigned herself to whatever happened, she just couldn’t keep up the fight anymore.

Jenna heard a hissing sound come from the mask as the figure reached beneath the table and twisted something. A sharp, sweet chemical aroma curled into her nostrils. As she inhaled, she could feel herself relax. For a moment she almost forgot about her troubles, but her engineer’s brain started sounding alarm bells. They’re drugging you. It had to be that.

“Please,” said the figure, its voice friendlier, more familiar now, “do not resist the gas.”

“I...I don’t,” she croaked out, “I don’t want this.”

“You do not know what it is you want.”

Don’t I? Jenna thought to herself, Maybe, maybe it’s right.

It was like falling into the arms of a lover after a long day at work. Warmth, softness. Jenna’s mind wandered to an encounter she’d had with a young naval officer she met at a Titan bar not that long ago. How her consort’s uniform had glided so effortlessly off as soon as Jenna’s quarters door closed. How her soft fingers had wrapped around Jenna’s cock at the same time she’d suckled at Jenna’s tits.

Jenna realized her pain had subsided greatly. She also noticed that she had an erection.

“Subject arousal maximized,” said the figure beside her. Jenna looked over her again. She was female, decidedly. Broad-shouldered, but delicate. An artisan’s body. How had Jenna failed to see the beauty there before? “Initiating neural reroute.”

The pain quickly came roaring back, different than it had been before. Before, it felt like her body was on fire. Now it felt like tiny teeth were chewing up her insides. She tried to scream but even as she opened her mouth, it subsided, a beautiful warmth replacing it. It was like falling into the softest bed after the most filling meal in the coziest house in the world.

The world took on a brighter, sharper appearance. Jenna could hear people talking, but couldn’t make out any words. Next to her, the figure spoke, “See, isn’t that better?” As she spoke, the woman ran a mechanical hand up Jenna’s leg. Jenna couldn’t help but curl her body up in pleasure. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the pleasure.

Oh, she thought, I guess you know how to treat a girl.

We have much experience in providing pleasure. Jenna’s eyes shot open. She had heard the woman, not with her ears, but in her head.

The neural transceiver is already functioning? The woman said, You are a promising candidate.

Jenna’s engineer brain was working double-time in thick, deep mud. Neural transceiver?

Jenna could hear the voices again, more clearly now, and realized that they, too, were inside of her. Though every rational fiber of her being screamed to pull away, her curiosity overtook her, and she reached out.

It was like stepping through a door into a crowded amphitheater. Sights, sounds, smells, textures, tastes, movement all seemed to stream into her head from everywhere at once, as if she were both infinite and singular. She flew around the ship, it was smaller than the Huntington. She saw dozens of people and yet felt only one presence. Her mind flicked through them all, letters and numbers appearing with each figure before finally slowing to a stop in the room where she was. The assimilation chamber. Sigma-26 stood above her, warmth on her face. The nascent drone on the table, what had it’s name been?

Deep within Jenna’s mind, a part of her began fighting, kicking, screaming that this was wrong, that there were people out there who missed her. Jill and Karl. Iris and Phoebe. Chester Silvera and Jack Thorton. And Theresa, her captain. Holder hadn’t left Jenna out of spite, or anger. She had been doing her job. She had been trying to keep the others safe and alive.

And yet, the drone now in her head thought, she didn’t even try to save you, did she? She could have tried to scoop you into an ore bay, or given you a few more seconds to make it to the airlock. Instead, she left you out there, adrift. The hive found you. The hive took you in. The hive healed you. Shouldn’t your loyalty lie with them?

Jenna didn’t care. She knew that it wasn’t Holder’s fault. She resisted, trying to pull herself back from the warm light of the Hive. She could feel them working their way into her head. She felt the Hive push into her memories. No, not those!

She was 10, a boy in a flat in Dublin. Her mother has taken her sister, Penny, to the doctor. Her father is asleep, and she’s snuck into Penny’s room. She’s trying on Penny’s dresses when her pa walks in. She’s never seen him so angry.

She was 14, in the boys’ locker room at school. Everyone is showering but she can’t bring herself to take off her shirt. 3 of the other boys corner her. She hides the bruises from her parents.

She was 20, a student at University College Cork, sitting in a doctor’s office. The doctor is writing her a prescription for estrogen. He seems uncomfortable, but says nothing.

She was 21, seeing her family for the first time since starting hormones. Her mother opens the door. She’s confused, but polite. Her father sees her and screams to get out of his house, that he won’t have a faggot for a son. She leaves. It’s the last time she sees her family.

She was 27, on shore leave at Olympus Station, orbiting Mars. She’s leaving a bar, alone, again. After a few minutes of walking, someone hits her hard in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground. The man shoves a chrome handgun in her mouth and says if she makes any sound he’ll blow her tranny brains all over the decking. She thinks about her mother.

She was 28, assigned to MV Huntington, her first posting as chief engineer. The crew are kind to her, but none seek her out. She never grows close to any of them.

She was 30, her new captain wears a nickel-plated .45 on her hip. Jenna’s heart races and suddenly she’s back on Olympus. She runs to her quarters and vomits. The new First Mate knocks on her door. She opens it with tears running down her cheeks. He asks her what’s wrong. She cries for 10 minutes before she can say a word. When she finally speaks, she begs him not to tell the captain. He promises he won’t.

She’s 30. Her face is burning, she’s floating through an abyss, abandoned and alone.

Thinking back on all of these things, the last bit of Jenna Powell, the part that was fighting and screaming for her humanity, grew weary. She had never desired power, or money, or the secrets of the universe. The only thing she’d ever wanted was home. She’d never had it.

The last part of her let go of the cliff it clung to. It fell, backwards, through an infinite abyss. And where it had been, only the drone remained.

“I am a drone of the hive.” she said, “Shape me to a razor’s edge.”

* * *

1930 Earth UTC

MV Huntington mess hall

Captain Theresa Holder stood just outside the entrance to the mess hall. The crew was seated in 2 rows at the long table, nine on a side. Chester was sitting on the left side nearest the empty chair at the head.

The Captain had not told the crew to wear anything special. She didn’t like the formality, and the crew, in turn, had donned their ragtag Sunday best. Jill Campbell wore a navy blue polo. Karl Miller had tied his hair, normally past his shoulders, into a tight bun. Iris Owens was actually wearing a dress. A bright, neon-pink dress with a skull printed on the front, but a dress nonetheless.

Holder, for her part, was wearing her blue dress uniform. Deep navy wool with brass toggles, her captain’s pips on her shoulders. The Civil Navy did not award medals to be worn with dress uniforms, and so on her left breast was a patch that simply said “HOLDER” in light grey letters above the embroidered silhouette of a Shinkelobwe-class ship.

As she entered the hall, Silvera stood, “Captain on deck!” he barked. The crew stood with him. Holder stopped half a meter beyond the threshold. Funerals at sea were one of the times that regulation permitted her to wear the pistol strapped to her hip. Despite this, she made a show, while the crew watched, of removing the belt and hanging it on a hook next to the door. She pulled the pistol from its worn leather holster, and racked the slide back. She had not loaded it prior, and so manually locked it open before replacing it in the belt and turning to the crew. “At ease,” she said, and the crew sat.

She walked, not to the head of the table, but to the foot. She remained standing, and spoke.

“We are here, tonight, our number one too few,” she began, “We have lost our colleague and friend, Genevieve Powell.” She paused, she hadn’t written anything down and was struggling to remember the bits she’d thrown together in her mind as she’d shaved and showered.

“Look,” she said, dropping the air of pretense she’d held before, “Nobody comes out here expecting to die. We didn’t join a combat fleet. We didn’t sign up to be shot at or blow up troop depots or raid supply outposts. We’re miners.”

She looked around at the crew a moment before continuing, “And miners die. It’s been happening ever since humans started digging holes in the ground. Tunnel collapses, methane explosions, tidal shifts. But what happened today, that’s not something, I think, that any of us expected.

“Jenna and I didn’t exactly get along. It feels a bit ghoulish to be up here, praising her, to tell you the truth. Like I’m taking credit for something I didn’t earn. But I need you all to hear this. What happened today, it’s my responsibility. You all performed admirably in a situation that none of us was prepared for. This morning, you were asteroid miners. This evening, you’re heroes, all of you. None more so than the woman who should, by all rights, be sitting at the head of this table.”

Holder gestured in the direction of the empty place setting, “Jenna Powell died trying to get you all to safety. When you tell your friends and families about today, don’t sing praises of your captain. Heap your praise on Jenna Powell, whose loyalty and courage cannot be disputed. Chester, the bottle.”

Silvera stood, grabbing a bottle of whiskey that he had placed on the floor next to his chair. He walked towards Holder, and handed her the thick, ornate glass vessel.

Holder broke the seal and uncorked the bottle. She walked around the table, gently pouring a finger of the amber liquid into each crew member’s glass. When all had been served, she poured herself a glass, and holding it in her left hand, raised it. “To Jenna.”

“To Jenna,” the crew replied, smiles and tears all around, and drank.

After downing her glass, Holder placed it on the table and picked up the bottle. She held it high and said, again, “To Jenna.”

“To Jenna!” the crew said once more.

And with that, Captain Theresa Holder silently drained the rest of the bottle out onto the floor of the mess.

Timecode Error: Format Not Recognized

Hive Interdictor K-14

The drone lay on the table, no longer restrained. Her tired flesh would soon be discarded, replaced by metal, composite, and plastics.

Sigma-26 stood above her, “The radiation has severely damaged your body,” she said to the new drone, “your augmentations will be rather more extensive than most.”

The new drone silently confirmed receipt of this information. 26 began hooking life support tubes into the new drone’s neck. The plan was already clear in her mind. She was eager for it, eager to leave behind the flesh that had confined her and become one with the hive. To feel the electricity run through her wires and hear the thrum of motors and pumps.

26 approached, pulling down an armature from the ceiling that held a large band saw. Wordlessly, she turned it on, and began lowering it towards the new drone’s hips. The blade bit into the damaged flesh of her right leg first, right where the femur met the ball of the hip.

The new drone heard the hive through the wire, It is not clear yet how much of your body will need replacing, it said, the process will proceed in stages to ensure stability.

The blade ground through the new drone’s leg, spitting bits of meat out to the side. As it struck bone the motor bogged down slightly, and the drone felt a high-pitched vibration through her entire being. Waves of pleasure overtook her, the ecstasy of death and rebirth. The nanites in her system worked to seal off the femoral artery and other blood vessels, protecting the brain from losing its precious supply of oxygen. The external life support systems were not yet needed, but that time would come soon.

26 removed the severed limb from the table and began amputating the other leg. Another fine mist of gore sprayed out. It felt so good, the new drone felt itself grow hard as the last bit of skin was severed.

In order to assess tissue damage, the hive spoke again, we will need to access your abdominal cavity. The life support systems will take over now.

Wordlessly, 26 plunged a scalpel into the new drone’s abdomen, just above the pubic bone. She worked it around to the right hip, then back and down almost to the table. She turned then and cut upwards, under and around the lower segment of the rib cage. The new drone’s cock was nearly bursting now, and she gave in, releasing herself, firing juices all over her stomach.

When the scalpel had circumnavigated the new drone’s belly, 26 reached in just under the sternum, and peeled the skin back. It pulled and twisted and sucked, a mass of skin, fat, and muscle a few centimeters thick. It, too, was tossed aside. Another drone came in the door and retrieved the severed legs and the skin flap, whisking them away to a reprocessing terminal.

26 examined the new drone’s organs. The new drone could not see them, but could hear the hive as it wordlessly assessed the situation. The radiation damage was too severe. Her body, even with most of the skin and organs removed, was too damaged to remain.

Full submaxillial amputation necessary, the hive declared.

26 grabbed a port with several needles on the end of various bores. She gently cupped the new drone’s head in one hand, lifting it up, before gently pushing the cable in to the base of the skull. Nanites in the port flooded in, connecting themselves to nerves, building microducts to carry oxygenated blood to the brain after the next step.

When the connection was complete, 26 reached into the open abdominal cavity and began paring out organs. She started with the bladder and intestines. The new drone watched as meters of glistening tubes were removed from her. She could feel herself becoming lighter. The stomach came next, along with the pancreas. Each cut was like an orgasm in and of itself. A blast of pleasure that washed over the new drone like fire consuming kindling.

Her liver and lungs were removed. The new drone could feel her brain stem panicking, trying to force her to breathe with lungs that could not draw air. It was driving her mad, she could feel pressure building up behind her genitals again, and once more she fired off, her glistening seed spurting into the now-empty cavity.

At last, all that was left was her beating heart. It was pounding so fast, and her body was so much lighter now, that she actually thought she might be popping off the operating table under the power of its palpitations. The new drone met 26’s eyes as the latter reached for the band saw. 26 switched the tool on, its blade accelerating to full speed almost instantly. In anticipation, the new drone opened her mouth wide.

26 brought the saw down between the new drone’s jaws. It first caught her cheeks, tearing into them and spraying blood inside her mouth and out the side. She could taste it, the hot, metallic taste of her own body, the last thing she would ever taste. As the blade continued downward it met her mandible, the blade shrieking inside the new drone’s head. It passed out the back side of the bone and immediately dug into the drone’s throat. Blood spurted down it. The pleasure of it all was overwhelming. Finally, 26 angled the blade to pass up through the top of the spinal column, just below the brain stem.

As the blade exited at the end, the new drone felt her body disappear. A nuclear bomb of pleasure went off in her, her eyes rolling back in her skull. The few muscles that remained, as well as the stumps of mandible that had not yet been removed thrashed wildly, for 12 minutes and 22 seconds. When the last wave of orgasm subsided, the new drone opened her eyes.

26 was standing above her, smiling. She felt her hivemate grasp her on either side, and lift her up. It was a curious sensation. She felt so light, so free. Wordlessly, 26 strode over to a person-sized case standing in the corner of the room.

Behold, said the hive, your new form.

The mechanical body was slightly taller than the new drone’s old one. It was sturdier too, with a more muscular look. On top of the neck sat a mechanical mandible. There was no skin, that would be artificially grown over it after assembly. 26 carefully placed the new drone atop the stack, and, using a scalpel, cut away the last bits of her original jawbone.

The artificial mandible responded without command, screwing into the joint sockets on her skull and connecting artificial muscles to mechanical ones. Soon, the drone could feel small actuators gripping the blood vessels inside her and making permanent connections. 26 stood back and watched the process. Finally, she reached behind the new drone and removed the life support tube from the plug. The new drone became momentarily dizzy during the changeover, but 26 was quick to connect the body’s hookup to the port on the skull.

Step forward, came the voice of the hive.

The new drone complied. Wordlessly, she turned around, facing herself away from 26, who began fixing armor plates to the back of her skull, covering up the sensitive port. When 26 was finished, the new drone turned back to face her. She stared down at her new hands, sleek and metal. She flexed her fingers, feeling the power of them. A full diagnostic ran automatically, the results appearing in the corner of her vision, confirming all systems were functioning as designed.

“What is your designation?” 26 asked the new drone.

The new drone looked at her, and said, “I am Sigma-38, assimilator unit.”

Welcome, Sigma-38, came the voice of the hive, we will do great things together.

[guttcd]

𝐀 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀...

CHARLENE CONTRERAS ( cisfemale, she/her, kiana lede ) is 24 and a LOUNGE PERFORMER from MANHATTAN, NEW YORK , but now they can be found in the MAIN VILLA. they are known as THE LIVE WIRE  because they are VIVACIOUS, but if things kick off, they can be a bit ERRACTIC. they’re PANSEXUAL and are most interested in grafting RHYS AND JENNY. one thing they want to accomplish in casa amor is TAKE A SELFIE WITH THE HOST. 

CONFESSIONALS  | MUSINGS | MIRROR | PLAYLIST | PINTEREST

 b a s i c s

full name: charlene maria contreras sexual orientation: pansexual occupation: lounge performer  age: twenty-four birthday: february 1st.  aesthetics: soft jazz playing in the background, talking for hours about the same thing, overdue bills scattered on the kitchen table, finding comfort in the little things, the smell of tangerines

h i s t o r y 

tw: mention of death

born in new orleans, she only spent a few years of her childhood there before her parent’s marriage ended. it was a hell of a messy divorce which resulted in neither one of them wanting to take care of their only child. so they decided to dump the responsibility onto charlene’s maternal grandparents, margie and chester.

fortunately enough, the couple were more than happy to take the young girl to new york and under their care. formerly a music duo back in the fifties and sixties, it was only natural for them to bestow some of their talent unto their granddaughter.

chester was a creative spirit who saw beauty and found muse in even the simplest things. an artist in his own right and his medium was the acoustic piano. margie on the other hand? a woman of action. driven and intelligent, armed with a euphonic voice rich and decadent like figs and chocolate.

charlene became their prodigy of sorts, soaking their love of music like a sponge and developing a passion for all the skills they were able to teach her. 

her grandfather passed away a little after her high school graduation and  shortly after her grandmother decided to go to a nursing home. despite charlene’s protests margie was very adamant about not being put solely under her granddaughters care, claiming that it was time for her to venture out into the world.

still, charlene would do anything for her grandmother and so she takes it upon herself to pay a good chunk of money every month so that her grandmother can stay in one of the nicest nursing homes new york has to offer. 

meanwhile she works at a lounge bar as a performer. sometimes she sings, sometimes she’s in charge of just providing piano background music, and sometimes she gets stuck behind the bar pouring drinks for extra cash.

p e r s o n a l i t y

+enthusiastic +perceptive +curious -obsessive -impatient -restless mbti: ENFP natal chart : ↑ leo, ⊙ aquarius, ☾ aries

she chose rhys and jenny as the people she would like to graft because jenny gave her rachel green vibes and from what she could see, rhys looked the most down to earth. but she’s absolutely psyched to meet everyone!

sooo freaking friendly tbh like the producers probably looked at her instagram and thought she was an influencer but in reality, she just has a lot of freaking acquaintances 

and an abundance of hobbies that shift throughout the year. really into video games right now.

has the most random set of skills ‘cus she and her friends like to sign up to groupon experiences on the regular. half of them will never see the light of day again but hey, if axe throwing gets worked into one of the challenges in here you certainly won’t find her complaining. 

at the end of the day, charlene is just a big ‘yes’ woman.you down to go treasure hunting? of course! wanna learn latin? sounds fun lets do it. let’s summon a demon? i’m scared but yes.

the only things she doesn’t have a hard time saying no to are drugs and relationships lol 

so with that said she’s never been in one! first it was because of her parental issues but more than anything she just couldn’t bother to make the time for one. but she’s ready! or at least she thinks she is and what better place to test that than a villa full of hot singles with nothing better to do than to find love?

so yeah, she’s here to get her graft on, get to know people, and have a grand old time.

definitely flirty but almost in a customer service type of way lol like a flight attendant that’s a little too sweet or maybe a waiter that’s a little too chatty.

isn’t really interested in stepping on any toes but is also here to find a genuine connection.

bestie is a performer and the world is her stage ( as cheesy as it sounds lol ) 

[fisherpropertysolutions]

At Fisher Property Solutions, we value transparency and fairness. When you choose us as your cash home buyers in PA, you can expect a fair cash offer for your property within 24 hours. We take care of all the paperwork and handle the closing process efficiently so that you can get your cash quickly.

Fisher Property Solutions 477 Noble Rd, Atglen, PA 19310 (484) 378–9379

My Official Website: https://www.sellmyhousefastchestercounty.com/ Google Plus Listing: https://www.google.com/maps?cid=16551205527505429693

Our Other Links:

sell my house fast Chester County: https://www.sellmyhousefastchestercounty.com/sell-your-house/

Service We Offer:

selling property buying houses Real Estate services

Follow Us On:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fisherpropertysolutions/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/FisherProperty3 Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/FisherPropertySolutions/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fisherpropertysolution/

[briamichellewrites]

24

Bria quietly donated fifty thousand dollars to help Phoenix and his family. He came to her with the news that his mother, Kathy was diagnosed with breast cancer. Nobody except them knew she had done that. His parents were grateful when he brought the check over to them. They could afford the treatments, but money would be tight. Her donation would give them more than enough money to cover her expenses. While at the studio, he mentioned her diagnosis.

He also brought up how Bria had donated money. Chester took that opportunity to speak about her paying for his rehab treatment in 1999. His ex-wife had gone to her asking for help. She went to the center and used her credit card to pay for his treatment.

They didn’t know that. It was nothing but money to her, but it meant everything to her. It was another example of the differences between her and Paris. Would Paris ever donate money to help a friend? All of her friends were likely as wealthy as her. Perhaps not. Bria would. Mike quietly told Phoenix that they were dating again. He was genuinely happy for them.

Having a boyfriend was not on his priority list. Taking care of his mother was hard, but he appreciated him letting him know. They hugged. If he and his family ever needed anything, please ask. He promised he would. With that, Mike texted her for confirmation that she helped Chester financially.

Yes, I did. Sam approached me behind his back. She couldn’t afford his treatment, so I offered to help. I drove to the rehab and paid with my card. – Bria

You are the best woman I could have ever fallen in love with. – Mike

It was true. He dated in high school and college, but none of his girlfriends ever came close to her. His parents were thrilled to hear they were dating again because they loved her! She was everything they wanted in a daughter-in-law. They weren’t thinking about getting married yet. When they did eventually get engaged, she would be welcomed into their family with open arms.

She came to the studio where they were hanging out after finishing their meeting. She looked as beautiful as they remembered her. When she got to the studio, she was wearing a white top with a button-up flannel shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. Her beautiful long hair was braided underneath a matching Von Dutch trucker hat. Joe jokingly asked if the flannel was Mike’s. No, it was hers but he was free to borrow it. They were the same size.

They laughed. She adopted another kitten. Where was it? She didn’t leave it in the car? No, she was picking it up the next day. His name was Rascal and he was a brown tabby colored Scottish Fold. How old was he? He was twelve weeks old. She had to wait twenty-four hours because the breeder had to go through her paperwork. They did a home visit and she was approved for the adoption.

It was just how the woman ran her business. She wanted to make sure the kittens were going to good homes. That made sense. Rascal got his name because he was a little mischievous. They laughed. She couldn’t wait to bring him home! They couldn’t wait to meet him!

Rascal was welcomed in by Tiny and Garfield, who were curious about the new kitten. Bria held on to him while they sniffed him out. Mike watched them, in case he needed to intervene. Rascal was nervous about the big cats around him. Meow? Where was he? Who was this new human? Tiny told him this was his new family. The human was going to take care of him. Adopted? Did that mean this was his human forever? Yes, it did. The human scratched his little head. She called him adorable. Yes, I am! Thank you, human!

Bria hated being at the club. The only reason why she was there was because Paris and Nicky dragged her into it. They shared drinks since they were all legal adults. Before leaving, she and Mike came up with a code for her to leave without making it obvious she was overwhelmed. Lindsay Lohan was there enjoying the music. The girls had guys buying them drinks and paying attention to them.

What time was it? She didn’t know. Mike kept his phone on, just in case she needed him to rescue her. He texted her to see how it was going.

I’m not going to have my hearing tomorrow. It’s so fucking loud! Guys are buying us drinks. I’m keeping an eye on Paris. Lindsay Lohan is here, so I’m sure it’ll be a good time. Lol, this is why I don’t go to clubs. I’d rather be at home with my cats and you. Of course. – Bria

Paris took a picture of her on her phone. She and Lindsay exchanged phone numbers for texting. Later in the night, they were joined by Nicole Richie, Benji Madden, and Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. He and Paris dated the previous year for seven months. It was not a good relationship, as he was accused of being physically abusive towards her in the media.

She enabled his partying, which got him into trouble with his band. He was curious about Bria. Nicky introduced her as their sister, Bria. He didn’t know they had a sister. Neither did they until the year before, even though they had grown up together. After Paris was pulled off by Lindsay to dance, he invited her outside to talk. She grabbed her stuff and followed him out. Outside, he asked her why she was there. She explained that Paris and Nicky forced her.

He told her to go home. She didn’t look like the type of person who wanted to be there. That was right. She didn’t.

“You’re a good girl. You don’t use drugs and you don’t go out to clubs. I respect that. Is it true you’re their sister?”

“Yes. We have the same father, though I was adopted. My father died when I was seventeen and my mother died when I was six months. Richard worked with my father, so I grew up with Paris and Nicky. I’m sorry. That’s a lot of information for just having met me.”

“I understand complicated families. Can I drive you home?”

“That would be nice. Thank you.”

While driving home, they exchanged phone numbers. He learned she was an investor and a stay-at-home cat mother. She admitted to having been a fan of his band. He laughed. It was always nice to meet a fan. He invited her to hang out with them sometime. She would like that. Mike got the text telling him she was coming home early and was getting a ride from Nick Carter.

Ten minutes later, he met them outside when they pulled up. He wanted to make sure she was okay. She thanked him again for giving her a ride home. It wasn’t a problem. Once inside, he asked if anything happened. No, it just wasn’t for her. Nick pulled her out because he could see how uncomfortable she was. Who was that? One of Paris’ friends? He was her ex-boyfriend and one of the members of the Backstreet Boys. Nicole Richie, Benji Madden, and Lindsay Lohan were also there.

“It’s fucking intense with the music blasting and people just all over the place. And doing drugs in the bathroom. It’s like you need to sign an NDA just to enter.”

He laughed. “Let’s go inside where it’s a lot quieter.”

Nick drove me home because I wasn’t feeling well. I would never hook up with him because I have a boyfriend. I hope you guys had fun. – Bria

When they got inside, she went to get something to eat. She smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, so she was going to take a shower after eating. Rascal came over to say hello. She picked him up after feeling his paws on her leg. He yawned before looking around. Mike scratched his head. This was where she was supposed to be – at home with her little family.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[wool-and-wanderlust]

July 24: Today I drove to Chester to visit my mom's cousin Jo and my great uncle, Brian. The last time I saw Uncle Brian was 2017, and I had never met Jo before today. I met Jo at her house first, and then we picked up Uncle Brian from his care home and took him out to lunch in the town center. After lunch, we took Uncle Brian to the nearby model plane shop. He loves building those and his room is full of them. I asked Jo whether Uncle Brian remembers which ones he's done, and she said he's done all of them! :)

July 25: Today was the last day of shearing at Brian & Tom's farm. Tom and Ben sheared today and Jana, Brian, and I wrapped wool. Sorry for those that are squeamish, but I included a photo here of a sheep that has had maggots. I mentioned before that sheep need to be sheared for health reasons, and this is a big reason why. Flies lay eggs under the sheep's wool, and then their maggots feast on the sheep's skin, creating sores that will eventually kill the sheep if not discovered and treated.

Later, I helped Tom check the ewes' teeth to see if they were health enough to spend another year on the hill. The teeth are a good indicator of the sheep's overall health. The only have bottom teeth, so if that row of teeth is good, they are good to go...if not, they got an orange dot which means they have been marked to go to market :( Checking them is a tricky business because in order to keep them still and keep track of which ones you've checked, you have to use your body to hold a group of them in one place between the fences. You can see here that the ones Tom is holding in front of him have not been checked yet; the ones behind him (closer to me) have already been checked. Brian and I checked on the cows to end the day, and on the way back, noticed the lowest rainbow either of us had ever seen. Brian showed me some other photos of rainbows from their farm that I'll add below. They have some amazing ones!

July 26: Adrian took me to the Royal Welsh Show, which is a major event in the British agriculture world. If your animal wins a prize here, you not only win prize money, but also the respect of other breeders who will pay big money for your animals. We watch the welsh pony competition for a while, then looked at all of the cows, chickens, goats, and pigs, and spent about an hour watching tug of war. Brian was a serious tug of war athlete and traveled internationally to compete. He also coached Tom's team. It's a big thing here. There are weight limits for each team, so teams will often have to carefully monitor their weights, sometimes literally going for a group run the day of a competition to shed weight if they are at risk of being disqualified due to being over the limit. Most pulls seem to be 1-2 minutes, but a well-matched team might pull for over 30 minutes! They wear supportive boots, but they aren't allowed to put anything on their hands except resin for gripping. My forearms are tired just thinking about how long you would have to grip that rope. It was really fun to watch. I could have stayed there watching all day if it wasn't raining!

[martinhealthactivist]

Meridian Swing Bed Unit

Swing beds are rehabilitation beds for sufferers that we expect to go home but want quick time period bodily, occupational or speech therapy, intravenous antibiotics or wound care prior to returning residence. Patients are offered an individualized care program based on thorough evaluations and their specific needs swing bed hospital care. Our caring team is comprised of registered nurses, physicians, dietary educators, pharmacists, social companies, respiratory therapist, bodily therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, and a wound care specialist. They work collectively to supply quality care and the sources you want to recover.

Our experienced team of nurses and therapists can talk along with your physician at any time if considerations come up relating to your well being status. It is also necessary to note that there's a Physician's Assistant on name in our Emergency Department 24 hours a day, 7 days every swing bed hospital week. Patients may need a Swing Bed after a surgery, after joint repair or replacement, after a protracted hospitalization due to an harm or sickness, when IV antibiotic remedy is required, or different reasons. Finally,

Program). Patients at Blue Mountain Hospital have particular person personal rooms with nurses on the floor at all times.

The ultimate aim of swing bed care is to help the affected person improve their physical functioning earlier than returning house. Not all hospitals can present look after sufferers who are transitioning from acute care. A “swing bed” is the time period used by Medicare for their program of providers that enable swing bed care a affected person to stay in a hospital for follow-up care quite than being sent home or to a nursing facility before a full restoration. FCMC is uniquely qualified as both a licensed important entry hospital and licensed to supply patient-centric swing bed care.

 Medina Healthcare System is an equal opportunity provider and employer. Swing Bed Services are offered hospital swing bed 24 hours a day, with registered nurses always available. Swing beds are common hospital beds that could be interchangeable as an Acute Care bed or Skilled Nursing bed. Patients take part in a variety of day by day activities to reinforce and assist obtain independence.

Boone Memorial Hospital is totally accredited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations, licensed by the State of West Virginia, and authorized by the federal government to simply accept Medicare and Medicaid patients. We will work immediately with you to determine this course of care, which can embrace Home Health Care, Outpatient Rehabilitation Services, or Nursing Home Placement. The focus of the Swing Bed Program is you -- the affected person -- and ensuring swing bed program that you obtain the correct rehabilitation to ensure a protected and sustainable return to home. NO TOBACCO ON CAMPUS Memorial Hospital in Chester is a tobacco-free campus. This means workers, sufferers or guests will now not be permitted to smoke or use tobacco products while on hospital property, together with privately owned vehicles which would possibly be parked on hospital property.

[singlestitta]

Una llamada por facechat queda grabada

So what I would say is this: First of all, if you get COVID and you're vaccinated, you get virus in your upper airway, your nasal passages, about at the same rate as someone who is unvaccinated. That being stated, there are breakthrough cases that are happening. So you're less likely to get it if you are vaccinated. There was a study coming out of Seattle data that showed that the rate of COVID cases was 10 times higher in those who were not fully vaccinated. If you are vaccinated, you are less likely to get COVID. So let's look at it this way, let's start with getting COVID. How is COVID different for someone who is vaccinated versus someone who is unvaccinated? Brooks, as the COVID cases climb, there are more breakthrough cases fueled by the delta variant. Let's get started with the discussion, and just a reminder to our listeners, to ask your question, please press *3 on your telephone keypad or drop it in the comments section on Facebook or YouTube. Thanks for having me.īill Walsh: All right, we're delighted to have you. Welcome to the program, Chester.Ĭhester Elton: Delighted to be here. Chester Elton is a business coach and best-selling author of Anxiety at Work and Leading With Gratitude. Good to be with you again.īill Walsh: All right, great to have you. He is also the CEO of the HomeCare Association of Louisiana. Also joining us today is Warren Hebert Jr., a doctor of nursing practice, a registered nurse, and a nursing professor at Loyola University of New Orleans. I'm happy to be back, Bill.īill Walsh: All right. He is the past president of the National Medical Association and past president of the California Immunization Coalition. Oliver Tate Brooks, M.D., is the chief medical officer for Watts Healthcare. Or, if you're joining on Facebook or YouTube, place your question in the comments. Again, to ask your question, please press *3 at any time on your telephone keypad to be connected with an AARP staff member. This event is being recorded, and you can access the recording at /coronavirus 24 hours after we wrap up. We'll also be joined by my AARP colleague Jean Setzfand, who will help facilitate your calls today. We have some outstanding guests joining us today, including a medical expert, another on caregiving, and a business coach. And if you're joining on Facebook or YouTube, you can post your question in the comments section. We're talking with leading experts today and taking your questions live. Hello, if you're just joining, I'm Bill Walsh with AARP, and I want to welcome you to this important discussion about the global coronavirus pandemic. If you're joining on Facebook or YouTube, you can post your question in the comments. For those of you joining us on the phone, if you'd like to ask a question about the coronavirus pandemic, press *3 on your telephone to be connected with an AARP staff member who will note your name and question and place you in a queue to ask that question live. If you've participated in one of our tele-town halls before, you know this is similar to a radio talk show, and you have the opportunity to ask your question live. Today, we'll hear from an impressive panel of experts about these issues and more. Many older adults have questions and concerns related to vaccines, boosters, caring for and protecting their loved ones, and navigating the changing workplace. As the impact of the delta variant grows, so do concerns about safety, both at home and at work. Of course, these days the daily thread on most Americans’ minds is the surging COVID-19 pandemic. This week, Americans are taking time to pause and reflect on the 20th anniversary of the September 11th attacks. In the face of the global coronavirus pandemic, AARP is providing information and resources to help older adults and those caring for them. Before we begin, if you'd like to hear this telephone town hall in Spanish, press *0 on your telephone keypad now.īill Walsh: AARP, a nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization has been working to promote the health and well-being of older Americans for more than 60 years. TTH 090921 1 PM – Staying Safe, Caring for Loved Ones & New Work Realitiesīill Walsh: Hello, I am AARP Vice President Bill Walsh, and I want to welcome you to this important discussion about the coronavirus.

[littlecatsnotkids]

what character do you headcanon as trans?

anon. my love. allow me to introduce you to :

THE CHARCATERS I HAVE PROJECTED ONTO SO HARD THEY ARE TRANS NOW.

✨✨✨ (fair warning they’re all male because I’m a trans guy and my hcs are really just what I project onto characters) ✨✨✨

1. Alex Gabriel Claremont-Diaz (Red White and Royal Blue)

(photo credit : @kidovna)

This ever loving bi-disaster is me and I am him. That’s not even something I’m just saying; my literal actual friends think that I’m him and he’s me. Case in point : @chaosgremlin9 calling me Alex multiple times in the first 24 hours of knowing me!

Also I just think it adds complexity to his character in an understated way and it just, yeah, it’s me projecting cause we have the same issues and he would get it. Alex also has the capability to explore what being trans in the limelight would be like and I love that! And really we don’t get to explore much of Alex’s teenage years which is when a lot of this shit would’ve gone down and I just P L E A S E GIVE ME TRANS ALEX.

2. Simon Snow (Carry On)

(photo credit : @binjiarts)

My FIRST comfort character. I remember sobbing reading the end of the book where he talks about going to therapy and just all of it. The humdrum and Simon’s issues with the power it’s all far too relatable and it feels like a trans storyline fits him perfectly.

Also his whole coming out/self realisation was very similar to my trans experience so for me it was always natural to see Simon as trans!

3. Marcus Lopez Arguello (Deadly Class)

So this one is a kind of recent addition to the list but! hear me out! I KNOW THE SHOW IS MEH AT BEST. BUT Marcus and his internal monologue are very cool and perceptive and relatable ahhhh. And it’s just important to me to see trans homeless youth - even if they become deadly assassins.

Also his experience at the boys home was rough and that with an added trans storyline would be so powerful!! Chester from the show also seems like he hints at these little things about Marcus that always made me think he’d make a great trans character. The show is set in Reagan era USA though so I get that it seems a bit out of place but still. I kin Marcus so much that I have made him trans <3

4. Jaskier (The Witcher)

This is specifically about show!Jaskier but this one in super important to me!

Jaskier is supposedly a noble that’s now left that life to be a bard??? Why? Was there some reason he wasn’t accepted 😳😳😳 YES THERE WAS. My man is trans. He just is. Not further questions your honor.

No but seriously, the way he is well versed in finery and care and still retains his masculinity! Is just so important to me! I think it could also be cool to explore trans characters in a fantasy timeline - especially in the past :)

5. Steven Universe (Steven Universe)

yeah. im not even gonna explain this. bye.

[lovemesomesurveys]

[yourheaventonight]

Where have you been all my life? I’ve always been right here.

Can you recite the Greek alphabet backwards? Nope. Or at all.

What social networks are you a part of? Like every main one.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? I’m not a total expert on anything.

What is one thing you will never understand? Why I’m like this.

Do you blog? This is it.

What was the last movie you watched? Godzilla vs Kong.

^Would you recommend it? Yeah, I enjoyed it. Admittedly, I was mainly interesting for Alexander Skarsgard, but I did think the movie was good.

With whom did you share your last awkward moment? My life is an awkward moment.

When was the last time you got all dolled up? It’s been yearsss.

Gimme yer best shot and insult me. Go ahead. Uh, no.

What do you think makes a person attractive? Physical attributes, certainly, but personality traits and who they are as a person makes a person attractive to me as well. Even more so.

Out of everyone you know, who has the worst taste in music? I don’t think anyone I know has bad taste in music, I share a lot of the same music taste.

^How about the best? ^^^

Can guys REALLY pull off skinny jeans? They can wear whatever they want.

What is one thing you missed out on that you wish you hadn't? I missed out on a lot of my 20s I feel like, it feels like a complete blur. I don’t know what happened to them. And now I’m in my 30s and I feel like I’m missing out on those, too. Just life, in general for the past several years. Everyone around is me is doing things and living life and I’m just wasting away.

What was the last thing/place you decorated? My room for Christmas.

Have you just recently started listening to any new bands? No. It’s been a long time since I’ve discovered any new bands.

How many windows/tabs are open on your computer right now? Two windows, 7 tabs.

Would you rather date someone really skinny or really overweight? I want to date someone based on other things. 

Let me in on a little secret of yours. Nah.

What is one habit you had as a child? Nail biting/picking. 

^Do you still have that habit today? Sigh, yes.

Is there someone you wish you were closer with? Yes.

^What's stopping you from being closer with them? I’ve been so distant and withdrawn from everyone.

Besides air, what was the last thing you inhaled? The scent of my ramen earlier.

Which point in life do you think is hardest? (i.e. childhood, adulthood...) For me it’s been the past few years.

How was life going for you, say, six months ago? Not well.

^Is that the same as today, or have things changed? Things have changed, but not in a good way.

Who was the last person to make you frown? It’s been things I’m struggling with doing that, not a person.

^Was anyone able to turn that frown upside-down? No.

What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea.

What is one thing you wish you had the courage to do? Get certain things checked out and taken care of that I’ve put off for too long.

Which is bigger: Your iTunes library or your CD collection? My iTunes collection was definitely better. I haven’t used iTunes since like 2012, though, and I don’t have any CDs anymore.

What is your one true weakness? I’m just weak.

When is the last time you had hot chocolate? It’s been a couple years.

Composition notebooks or spiral notebooks? Why? Spiral. I just like them better.

What is the most bizarre compliment you've ever received? That I looked pretty for someone with polio. I don’t have polio, but they assumed I did just because I’m in a wheelchair. Also, what does that even mean? “For someone with polio.” Wtf?

Do you identify more with guys or girls? I think I relate more to girls.

When someone you know is sad, how do you go about cheering them up? I kinda suck at that and don’t know what to do or say.

Has someone ever accused you of not being creative enough? I say that about myself. I lack creativity or any artistic ability. 

Starbucks coffee or Dunkin Donuts coffee? I’ve only had Dunkin’s coffee a few times, but I’ve had Starbucks countless times and I do like it, so I’ll go with that. I do wish I had a Dunkin where I live cause apart from the donuts, I’ve heard they do have good brewed coffee.

Do you crack under peer pressure? Yepppp. And it doesn’t take much.

What do you think deserves more attention than it already gets? Hmm.

What song never fails to get stuck in your head? Songs I hear in commercials.

Who is your favorite vocalist? Why? Chester Bennington is one. His voice was incredible.

What is your most overused emoticon? This one: 😬 Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) Nah.

When was the last time you had a bagel? Hm. It’s been awhile, actually. I don’t even remember. Can you lick your own elbow? No.

What time during the day/night is your mind most active? At night when I’m up alone.

What color ink does your favorite pen have? I have a nice set of colorful pens that I really like.

What was the last thing you licked? My lips.

Who was the last person in your bed besides yourself? Just me. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? No.

What flavor mouthwash do you use? I don’t. Mouthwash irritates my mouth.

What tends to distract you most? I just find myself zoning out a lot. Like, someone will be talking to me and I feel myself getting overwhelmed quite easily and drift out and it doesn’t mean they’re boring or talking about heavy things (sometimes they are). I get like sensory overload. Or I’ll just be sitting in bed and zone out.

Is the perfect man or woman a myth? Yes. No one is perfect.

How do you feel about Bob Marley? I like a couple songs.

What's your favorite fairy tale? I liked reading or listening to all of them when I was growing up. <<<

Do you know who Tom Jones is? Yes.

Tell me one fact you know about horses (without using Google). They have manes.

When was the last time you had to walk up or down stairs? Well, never since I’m in a wheelchair.

Tell me one unique quality about your own handwriting. My handwriting is shit.

What daily chore do you secretly enjoy? I don’t enjoy any type of cleaning.

Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Definitely. Kids ask a lot of questions about everything and anything.

Name five books you've read in the past year. I’ve read a ton more than that, but I’ll give you the latest 5: Cold Highway, Cold Threat, Cold Hunt, Cold Truth, and To Die For.  You can probably tell the first 4 are by the same author, Mary Stone. The last one is by Willow Rose.

^Are any of those books your favorite? I’ve enjoyed ‘em all. I’ve read a lot of books from both authors.

Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? I don’t re-read books, actually. 

Which hobby is the lamest: stamp collecting or spoon collecting? I wouldn’t call either of them lame just cause it might not be something I’m personally interested in. Those bring some people joy.

What do you daydream about most often? My mind wanders off to random stuff, stuff I’m dealing with, stuff I’m anxious and stressed out about, etc.

Why is your favorite band your favorite band? I’ve listened to them since middle school, so we have a lot of history. I really just connect and relate to their lyrics and I love their music.

Do you have a favorite talk show host? Nah.

What do you wish you could afford at the moment? A beach home with my own private beach area. 

What is the most unusual color you've ever painted your nails? I can’t think of any “unusual” colors that I’ve painted them. 

Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I always take hot showers.

Have you ever made your own soap? No.

What's your favorite popsicle flavor? Not a popsicle fan.

Can you sleep with socks on? Yeah, I always have socks on.

When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? I’ve been frustrated and pissed with some things I’ve been dealing with lately. 

Name a band with the word 'red' in their title. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Do you have a favorite candle brand? I’m not a candle person. I just go for the room sprays.

How many years until you turn 38? 6. D:

What is your opinion on taxidermy? I find it super creepy and weird.

Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Uh, no.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? Let it get really knotted up. :/

What do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? Nothing.

What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m a total mess, I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend. 

How often do you indulge in a favorite food from your childhood? I eat ramen regularly.

Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? My damn nail picking habit. 

What is the nicest thing you've done for someone else in the past 24 hours? Nothing.

What sort of conditions do you require in order for you to fall asleep? It needs to be cool and I have to have the TV on.

What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Uhhh.

Do you have a favorite punk band? Green Day.

As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse and cheating. <<<

Be honest: do looks really matter to you? They’re like a bonus to me. <<<

Congratulations! Someone sent you flowers! What kind do you hope they are? I’m not picky, just a pretty assortment perhaps would be nice.

What type of underwear do you personally prefer to wear? Hipsters.

What is the grossest chore you've ever been assigned? Nothing gross.

What band (BESIDES IRON MAIDEN) comes to mind when I say 'iron'? I got nothin. 

Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? I had to go out and buy alcohol the day I turned 21.

Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? Wait, tell them I used to have feelings for them but don’t anymore? If I don’t anymore then why tell them about when I used to? Unless of course we were in a relationship and I no longer felt that way.

What color shirts do you tend to buy most often? Black.

Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah.

Where would you rather go: Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine? Portland, Oregon.

Name a band that begins with the letter Y. Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Tell me about someone who has made a huge impact in your life. My mom most definitely has.

What can I usually find you doing at 4pm on a weekday? At that time any day I’m likely still sleeping.

What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? I only eat the same few foods, so I eat them quite often. Like, I eat Wingstop 3-4 times a week...

Do you dot your lowercase i's? Yes.

What's the first song on your iPod/mp3 player that comes up under P? I use Spotify on my phone for music, but anyway nah I don’t feel like doing that. 

Do the words 'Amon' and 'Amarth' mean anything to you? No.

What's your favorite mythical being? I don’t really have a favorite.

Don't you hate surveys that end abruptly? As long as the question itself isn’t cut off, which I’ve seen, or it’s a numbered one and a question is completely missing then I don’t care.

Let's end this survey with a smile; tell me something funny. I’m not in a good mood to think of something funny right now.

[novahomehealthcare]

Tips on Choosing the Right Senior Healthcare Agency Philadelphia

Approaching a senior healthcare agency for the optimum care of your elderly may seek like a daunting task. But actually, it is not. The tips given in this post will help you greatly to find the best caregiver for your loved ones.

There are some decisions in life that are basically weightless – what outfit to wear, what movie to see, where to go to dinner. And there are decisions that will echo through the decades. Selecting a senior Healthcare agency Philadelphia for an elderly loved one may seem to fit into the latter group and have potentially life-changing effects.

[hillandaleoh-blog]

Chesterwood Village

Located on Tylersville Road near stores and shops in West Chester, Chesterwood Village is a retirement community that offers a full spectrum of senior living options. Free-standing patio homes for independent living line the campus’ street leading to the main building which features luxury assisted- living apartments, secure memory care unit, 24/7 nursing care and specially-certified physical and occupational therapists. Chesterwood is not a mere nursing home; it’s a community like no other with daily activities to keep the mind and body alert, chef-prepared meals, transportation services and the unique indoor Main Street lined with a coffee shop, pub, movie theatre, hair salon and much more. Phone (513) 777-1400 for information and tours.

Phone : (513) 777-1400

Business Email : JGegner@hillandale.com

Website : https://hillandale.com/chesterwood-village/

Address : 8073 Tylersville Rd, West Chester Township, OH 45069, USA

Working hours : Open 24 hours

Categories: Retirement community

[gslocks123]

Choosing Vehicle Locksmith For Unlocking Your Car Door

No matter how attentive or careful you are with your car keys, there comes a time when you realize that you have locked your keys inside the car. If you have a spare set of keys that are easily accessible, then it is not a big problem, but if you are miles away from your home or you don't have a spare set of keys, then dealing with the locked door might disturb you. It is suggested not to try any unfair means to open the lock, as it will only damage the vehicle better call a mobile auto locksmith and get the timely service. You never know when you will need the help of the locksmith; it is suggested to save contact detail of few reliable and professional locksmiths in your mobile phone for an emergency. Save phone number of professional mobile car locksmith active in your city so that they can help you in coming out of this tricky situation. Why wait for hours to get back the control of your car when you can get the solution within the 30 minutes. Many car dealers provide auto locksmith service as well, you

can contact your car dealer regarding the lock issue. But it is more time taking and costly. Rely on your local service provider for timely assistance.

It is about the safety of your car. Don't let just any so-called mobile auto locksmith touch your vehicle and ruin the lock system. Get the help of the emergency auto locksmith expert and unlock the car without compromising on its safety. The locksmith ensures that you receive your new set of the key by the earliest possible time. No matter what model of the car is, they can provide your keys in a jiffy

Contact a professional locksmith active near you for car key replacement. They synchronize their skill and equipment to design a car key replacement solution that works for the clients. Whether you have lost the key, broken it in the ignition or your transponder key has just stopped responding, your professional locksmith will resolve your entire vehicle lock related worries.

Once you find the emergency automobile locksmith service provider, get their contact details and visiting card, put it in your wallet so that you can easily contact them at the time of need get a quick solution. There are many service providers who offer 24*7 service and they do not charge extra for emergency service.

Find GS Locks Locksmith Services in USA & Canada Cities Mentioned Below:

Locksmith Services California:

locksmith Alameda locksmith atherton locksmith belmont locksmith berkeley locksmith blackhawk locksmith Brentwood locksmith burlingame locksmith Campbell locksmith capitola locksmith concord locksmith Cupertino locksmith daly-city locksmith Danville locksmith Dublin locksmith east-palo-alto locksmith el-cerrito locksmith emeryville locksmith foster-city locksmith fremont locksmith Gilroy locksmith greenbrae locksmith half-moon-bay locksmith hayward locksmith hercules locksmith hillsborough locksmith kentfield locksmith lafayette locksmith Livermore locksmith los-altos locksmith los-altos-hills locksmith los-gatos locksmith Martinez locksmith menlo-park locksmith mill-valley locksmith millbrae locksmith Milpitas locksmith monte-sereno locksmith moraga locksmith Morgan-Hill locksmith Mountain-View locksmith newark locksmith oakland locksmith oakley locksmith opal-cliffs locksmith orinda locksmith Pacifica locksmith Palo-Alto locksmith pinole locksmith Pittsburg locksmith pleasant-hill locksmith Pleasanton locksmith Redwood-City locksmith Richmond locksmith San-Bruno locksmith san-francisco locksmith san-jose locksmith San-Leandro locksmith san-mateo locksmith san-pablo locksmith San-Rafael locksmith San-Ramon locksmith santa-clara locksmith santa-cruz locksmith saratoga locksmith scotts-valley locksmith sunnyvale locksmith tiburon locksmith Union-City locksmith vallejo locksmith Walnut-Creek locksmith watsonville

Locksmith services Delaware:locksmith bear locksmith bridgeville locksmith brookside locksmith bucks locksmith claymont locksmith dover locksmith dover-base-housing locksmith edgemoor locksmith elsmere locksmith georgetown locksmith glasgow locksmith greenville locksmith harrington locksmith highland-acres locksmith hockessin locksmith lewes locksmith milford locksmith millsboro locksmith milton locksmith north-star locksmith pike-creek locksmith pike-creek-valley locksmith rising-sun-lebanon locksmith riverview locksmith seaford locksmith selbyville locksmith smyrna locksmith townsend locksmith wilmington-manor locksmith woodside-east

Locksmith Services Maryland:

locksmith annapolis locksmith arnold locksmith aspen-hill locksmith beltsville locksmith bladensburg locksmith bowie locksmith chillum locksmith college-park locksmith eastport locksmith fairland locksmith glen-burnie locksmith highland-beach locksmith hyattsville locksmith jessup locksmith landover locksmith laurel locksmith maryland locksmith maryland-city locksmith mount-rainier locksmith parole locksmith primroses-acres locksmith ripping-forest locksmith riva locksmith severn locksmith severna-park locksmith shelby-beach locksmith sherwood-forest locksmith silver-spring locksmith south-laurel locksmith suitland locksmith truxton-height locksmith victor-haven

Locksmith Services New Jersey:

locksmith asbury-park locksmith ashland locksmith atlantic locksmith avenel locksmith barclay locksmith barrington locksmith beachwood locksmith beckett locksmith bellmawr locksmith berlin locksmith blackwood locksmith bound-brook locksmith bridgeton locksmith buena locksmith camden locksmith carneys-point locksmith carteret locksmith cherry-hill-mall locksmith clementon locksmith collingswood locksmith colonia locksmith crestwood-village locksmith cumberland locksmith dunellen locksmith east-franklin locksmith eatontown locksmith echelon locksmith ellisburg locksmith fords locksmith franklin-park locksmith freehold locksmith glassboro locksmith glendora locksmith gloucester locksmith gloucester-city locksmith golden-triangle locksmith greentree locksmith haddon-heights locksmith haddonfield locksmith highland-park locksmith holiday-city-berkeley locksmith iselin locksmith keansburg locksmith kendall-park locksmith lakewood locksmith laurence-harbor locksmith lindenwold locksmith long-branch locksmith madison-park locksmith marlton locksmith matawan locksmith metuchen locksmith middlesex locksmith milltown locksmith millville locksmith monmouth locksmith mount-ephraim locksmith mullica-hill locksmith new-brunswick locksmith new-jersey locksmith oaklyn locksmith ocean locksmith old-bridge locksmith palmyra locksmith paulsboro locksmith penns-grove locksmith pennsville locksmith perth-amboy locksmith pine-hill locksmith pine-lake-park locksmith pitman locksmith point-pleasant locksmith rahway locksmith ramblewood locksmith red-bank locksmith robertsville locksmith rumson locksmith runnemede locksmith salem locksmith sayreville locksmith somerdale locksmith somerset locksmith south-amboy locksmith south-river locksmith spotswood locksmith springdale locksmith strathmore locksmith tinton-falls locksmith union locksmith union-beach locksmith vineland locksmith west-freehold locksmith west-long-branch locksmith westville locksmith williamstown locksmith wilmington locksmith woodbridge locksmith woodbury locksmith yorketown

Locksmith Services New York:

locksmith bronx locksmith brooklyn locksmith manhattan locksmith new-york

Locksmith Services in Ontario Canada:

locksmith Barrie locksmith belleville locksmith brampton locksmith brant locksmith Brantford locksmith brockville locksmith Burlington locksmith cambridge locksmith clarence-rockland locksmith cornwall locksmith dryden locksmith elliot-lake locksmith Greater-Sudbury locksmith Guelph locksmith haldimand-county locksmith hamilton locksmith kawartha-lakes locksmith kenora locksmith Kingston locksmith Kitchener locksmith london-ontario locksmith Markham locksmith mississauga locksmith niagara-falls locksmith norfolk-county locksmith north-bay locksmith orillia locksmith Oshawa locksmith ottawa locksmith owen-sound locksmith pembroke locksmith peterborough locksmith pickering locksmith port-colborne locksmith prince-edward-county locksmith quinte-west locksmith richmond-hill locksmith sarnia locksmith temiskaming-shores locksmith thorold locksmith Thunder-Bay locksmith timmins locksmith toronto locksmith Vaughan locksmith Waterloo locksmith welland locksmith Windsor locksmith woodstock

Find Locksmith Pennsylvania:

locksmith allentown locksmith altoona locksmith ambler locksmith ancient-oaks locksmith ardmore locksmith audubon locksmith berks locksmith bethlehem locksmith blandon locksmith blue-bell locksmith bristol locksmith brookhaven locksmith broomall locksmith carbon locksmith catasauqua locksmith chalfont locksmith chester locksmith churchville locksmith clifton-heights locksmith coatesville locksmith collingdale locksmith conshohocken locksmith croydon locksmith darby locksmith delaware locksmith downingtown locksmith doylestown locksmith drexel-hill locksmith easton locksmith emmaus locksmith erie locksmith fairless-hills locksmith flourtown locksmith folcroft locksmith folsom locksmith fort-washington locksmith fullerton locksmith glenolden locksmith glenside locksmith harleysville locksmith harrisburg locksmith hatboro locksmith hellertown locksmith horsham locksmith jenkintown locksmith kennett-square locksmith king-of-prussia locksmith kulpsville locksmith lansdale locksmith lansdowne locksmith lebanon locksmith lehigh locksmith levittown locksmith lionville locksmith maple-glen locksmith middletown locksmith monroe locksmith montgomery locksmith montgomeryville locksmith morrisville locksmith nazareth locksmith new-castle locksmith norristown locksmith northampton locksmith norwood locksmith oreland locksmith penn-wynne locksmith pennsylvania locksmith perkasie locksmith philadelphia locksmith phoenixville locksmith pittsburgh locksmith plymouth-meeting locksmith pottstown locksmith prospect-park locksmith quakertown locksmith reading locksmith richboro locksmith ridley-park locksmith sanatoga locksmith scranton locksmith sellersville locksmith souderton locksmith swarthmore locksmith telford locksmith trooper locksmith village-green-green-ridge locksmith village-shires locksmith warminster-heights locksmith wescosville locksmith west-chester locksmith williamsport locksmith willow-grove locksmith wilson locksmith woodbourne locksmith woodlyn locksmith wyndmoor locksmith wyomissing locksmith yeadon locksmith york

Find Locksmith in Florida:

locksmith aventura locksmith bay-harbor-islands locksmith biscayne-park locksmith boca-raton locksmith boynton-beach locksmith coconut-creek locksmith coral-gables locksmith coral-springs locksmith cutler-bay locksmith dania-beach locksmith davie locksmith deerfield-beach locksmith delray-beach locksmith doral locksmith el-portal locksmith everglades-city locksmith florida-city locksmith fort-lauderdale locksmith golden-beach locksmith greenacres locksmith hallandale-beach locksmith harbour-village locksmith hialeah locksmith hialeah-gardens locksmith hillsboro-beach locksmith hollywood locksmith homestead locksmith indian-creek-village locksmith islamorada locksmith islandia locksmith jupiter locksmith key-biscayne-village locksmith key-colony-beach locksmith key-west locksmith lake-worth locksmith lauderdale-lakes locksmith lauderhill locksmith layton locksmith lazy-lake locksmith lighthouse-point locksmith marathon locksmith marco-island locksmith margate locksmith medley locksmith miami-beach locksmith miami-city locksmith miami-gardens locksmith miami-shores-village locksmith miramar locksmith naples locksmith north-bay-village locksmith north-lauderdale locksmith north-miami-beach locksmith oakland-park locksmith opa-locka locksmith palm-beach-gardens locksmith palmetto-bay-village locksmith pembroke-pines locksmith pinecrest locksmith plantation locksmith pompano-beach locksmith royal-palm-beach locksmith sea-ranch-lakes locksmith south-miami locksmith sunny-isles-beach locksmith sunrise locksmith surfside locksmith sweetwater locksmith tamarac locksmith virginia-gardens locksmith west-miami locksmith west-palm-beach locksmith weston locksmith wilton-manors

Find Locksmith Services Texas:

locksmith addison locksmith aldine locksmith alief locksmith allen locksmith alvin locksmith angleton locksmith balch-springs locksmith bay-city locksmith bayou-vista locksmith baytown locksmith bedford locksmith bellaire locksmith brazoria locksmith brookside-village locksmith bunker-hill-village locksmith carrollton locksmith cedar-creek locksmith cedar-hill locksmith channelview locksmith clear-lake-city locksmith cleveland locksmith clute

[agentdagonet]

Echoes, Ch. 24

Find it here on AO3

Find it here on tumblr:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 1516 1718 19 20 21 22 23

Fic Summary: Feet dangling off the edge of the bed, hands still resting on the earpieces of his glasses, Eggsy opened his eyes.

And promptly shut them again, screwing them shut like a child who had the distinct misfortune of biting into a raw lemon. Breathing harshly in his nose and out his mouth, trying to stave off whatever delusional panic had befallen him, Eggsy reopened his eyes.

‘Harry?’

Or: The Hologram Story Nobody Asked For

          Eggsy couldn’t help himself- he knew that he was pressing where he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but push anyway. He’d heard from his mum about Harry’s visit, and she’d sounded so damn happy that he just couldn’t help it. He’d reached up onto his toes and hugged Harry tightly the next time he’d walked into the house, squeezed around his neck and tucked his head between Harry’s jaw and shoulder, right against his collarbone.

          Harry had frozen for all of a breath before bringing his arms down to Eggsy’s waist, squeezing just as tightly in return. He didn’t ask what the occasion was, or try to pull away after a minute because that’s how hugs normally went; instead he simply rested his cheek against Eggsy’s hair. Eventually they parted, shared a small smile, and went back to their normal routine.

          Something had changed, then, but neither of them ever spoke about it. Their fingers brushed more often while doing dishes, their shoulders brushed constantly while walking to and from the shop, they ended up falling asleep on each other more often than not during evening films. Maybe it was just a final barrier falling and making them feel more comfortable- but Harry knew it wasn’t so much a final barrier as it was that some unspoken rule that had been tossed out.

          Eggsy leant into his shoulder when they sat near each other, he relaxed when Harry clapped him on the shoulder (unlike when Percival did, which had resulted in wide eyes and stuttered breathing) or guided him into a room by the small of his back. And maybe Harry was encouraging Eggsy’s exploration with non-romantic physical affection for his own ends, but where was the harm? It wasn’t as if the two of them weren’t touch-starved, or touch-wary, between Eggsy’s childhood and Harry’s loss of physical control, it was a wonder they let anyone near them at all.

          Two puzzle pieces that kind of fit- like pieces of the sky, you could put them together on their own, but when you try to attach them to the rest of the picture you’d discover it’s the wrong combination of bloody blue tiles. At least, that’s how Harry reasoned his lack of active  communication. He just let things start happening, didn’t reject anything offered, and rationalised that if he said something it would all fall apart because of the things that made them different.

          He should have thought more of Eggsy, the determined little shit, because it was obvious that he was up to something. He began escalating the types of touch he would use, going from the faintest brush of fingertips to resting his hand wholly on some portion of Harry’s body; from that to pressing into the places that stored the most tension, seeing what made Harry react.

          It had taken him nearly a month to catch on, and once he did he couldn’t unsee it- but he also didn’t want to stop him. So he let it be, and soaked in the attention as if it were going to stop because after almost dying you don’t take anything for granted if you can help it.

          On one rare morning, where they both were home and resting with no obligations, Eggsy came down the stairs looking particularly ruffled. He yawned loudly and rubbed at his face, and when he made it to where Harry was sat at the table he dropped a kiss on his head as he passed by. He didn’t stop his progress to the kitchen, and Harry didn’t dare turn to see if Eggsy realised what he had done.

          Harry didn’t even think to return the gesture, but eagerly awaited the next opportunity Eggsy had to do it again. If there was, indeed, anything beside respect and devotion between the two of them, from both directions, then Eggsy needed to be the one to make the first move. Not only was Harry technically his superior, but he was several years his senior and Harry would have felt lecherous making the opening move. But, Eggsy’s actions- planned and non- were indicative that he had ideas, even if they weren’t advisable from the common person’s judgements.

But when had they ever truly cared about the opinions of the outside world, anyway?

          But Harry was getting ahead of himself- by a good kilometre- because these were shy or unconscious glances and infrequent touches. There were so many things that needed to happen between there and where Harry’s thoughts were heading. Patience, he told himself, if it’s going to happen, it will happen- it’s not as if he’s going anywhere.

          And that, in and of itself, was a new thought process. Being aware that someone had decided you were worth spending time with was different than spending a life together- but they’d already fallen so far off the usual, acceptable, path that what did it matter? They could never do more than hold hands or clasp arms and Harry would be satisfied as long as their home remained such.

          Harry went on a solo mission to Antigua, what should have been a quick pick-up went sour within the first 24 hours, and ended up with Harry sporting several bruised ribs, seventeen stitches scattered about his body, and an overnight stay in medical. Surprisingly, it was the first serious injury he or Eggsy had gotten since their house became a home- which meant it was uncharted territory, and Harry wasn’t sure what exactly he was so nervous about. He’d been injured, before- he’d been in medical overnight, before- but this was the first time for him since Kentucky. 

          Eggsy didn’t run into the room when he arrived, but he did close the door fully behind himself and rest against it for a moment after. He looked to the ceiling, took a deep breath, and then approached the bed- and it was lucky that Harry hadn’t required a heart monitor, because it surely would have given him away. Eggsy sat in the chair Merlin had sat in for debrief, though he pulled it closer, and lifted Harry’s hand in his own- lightly kissing the top of it before rubbing his thumb over the same spot. As if to rub the affection into his skin completely.

          ‘You’ve got to either stop this shit or give me a bit of warning, luv.’ Harry blinked slowly, as if doing so would freeze this moment in his memory, and huffed out a laugh.

          ‘You and I are both fully aware that those options are equally impossible. But, I’ve made it home once again in, relatively,’ Harry glanced down at himself before shrugging a shoulder slightly, ‘good condition.’

          ‘Your stitches say otherwise.’

          ‘I have all my limbs and have lost an insignificant amount of blood- rest assured, these are entirely superficial wounds.’

          ‘Harry, bruises are superficial- you got stitches and your ribs are fucked. Tha’s why you’re in medical instead of at home.’

          ‘The ribs are bruised, actually; and Merlin’s being a stick in the mud about letting me home-’

          ‘He ain’t letting you go anywhere he can’t see you for a bit- always been more sensitive than he’ll admit.’

          ‘You don’t say?’ Surely Eggsy, in his far more limited experience with Merlin than his own, hadn’t managed to get Merlin’s number that easily.

          ‘Well, yeah- you shoulda seen ‘im when you were gone. Oh, he put on a brave face, but he was so quiet. And he was a right arse about makin’ sure everyone was rested and eating and shit. Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone embody that nurse lady from the Harry Potter books like he did;’ Eggsy chuckled, ‘the Lake was so confused when he started goin’ on about proper nutrition and REM cycles and shit- Rox and I made sure he actually listened to himself every once in a while. Managed to glue ‘im to his chair once, and just… rolled him into medical for a check up.’ Harry laughed, imagining his usually-stoic friend struggling to remove himself from the predicament while keeping some semblance of dignity and authority intact.

          ‘Yeah, it was funny in the moment, but… lookin’ back and all it makes me wonder- the fuck was wrong with Kingsman before V-Day, Harry?’ Eggsy’s eyes had gone hard, the thin line of his mouth so at ends with his youthful face. ‘It was like no one knew that anyone else cared about them- that they had value outside of mission parametres. Outside of their job.’ He spat the word, and Harry was caught entirely off guard by it.

          ‘Chester King was very purpose-focused, Eggsy, to put it kindly. The vast majority of Knights never became familiar with one another outside of respect for one another’s skills, and emotional connections have always been construed as a weakness by those of higher stations. If it couldn’t be used to further the agency, then it was unnecessary. The Lake’s betting pools are far more the exception than the norm- their sense of community has been fostered in the shadows for the past twenty-odd years. If it weren’t for the circumstances of Chester’s demise- and those of his ilk- I’m certain that the trend of emotional segregation from one another would have continued seamlessly from one Arthur to the next.

          ‘I’m not certain of how to explain it to you, Eggsy, but Kingsman has never been about a group uniting to face a common threat, or defend a common goal, in my experience,’ Harry frowned and shook his head, ‘Kingsman was always about individual people being sent to settle individual problems that just happened to be facets of the larger goal. There were only a handful of people in the history of the agency that demanded to work with certain people, and very rarely were there Agent/Handler pairs in the fashion you’re accustomed to.’ Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing up his glasses as he did so.

          ‘So, what you’re saying is that no one knew that they were important as humans outside of their fuckin’ skills because Chester King was an enormous prick?’

          ‘That’s about the sum of things, yes.’

          ‘If Merlin figures it out, can I go back in time and kill him all over again?’

          ‘Once was quite enough, Eggsy- but you can rewatch the footage ad nauseum, if you’d like.’

[kangseluigi]

ANOTHER personal post bc I deleted my facebook since no one reads that shit anyway and I need to let it out somewhere so THERE

I am…deeply damaged, by many things, but especially by my first “real” fandom???

Like, yea, I was hardcore into like Sailor Moon and Pokemon and Britney and shit as a kid, but that doesn’t really count for me. The first real fandom to me, was the first one I really spent my own money on, on merch, concerts etc. The one I was pushed into bc a “friend” tried to use it to exclude me from her talks with her best friend, so I had to learn it all v quickly to keep up with them and not be excluded every. single. time we spent time together. Her friend was cool with me and just focussed on topics we could all talk about or would explain things I didn’t get, but the other one, wow.

And now that I’m saying it, I realise how much deeper it goes than i realised.

I learned all that cryptic shit about the band within days and learned every song, which album it’s on, downloaded a whole bunch of pictures and forced myself to become obsessed within a week or less, just so I could join their talks. Of course that didn’t help me, because she only became annoyed with that and ended up mocking me for being too obsessed and all kinds of shit, or would change the topic to another thing I wasn’t involved in, like their shared trip to Paris, which I would never be able to catch up on.

And nowadays, I sill have a habit of forcing myself to “learn” fandoms in days and after 24-36 hours of obsessing (sometimes with a little pre-game/getting to know phase these days though) I just become so fuckin burned out I cannot enjoy it for at least another full day, sometimes a week or anywhere in between. It sucks.

But the whole situation, having been forced into it only to be ridiculed again, ended up pushing me even deeper into that fandom, because I guess, in the beginning, I thought if I love it enough, it will get me accepted as a real fan, but of course things only got worse. More people thought i had lost it for being that obsessed with the band, having no other topic anymore. On the other hand, the band had all these messages of their fans being their family and connection and whatnot. The kind of bullshit that a teenager with abuse at home and angry/overworked/stressed/… parents with no time for anyone would absolutely run into to feel a little taste of family and comfort.

It completely spiralled out of control. I was existing only for that stupid fucking band. I was existing entirely online and for the times I could go back online to talk in chat groups and message boards and whatever the fuck it was we had back then, to talk to other fans, some of whom actually became my friends, and stalk the shit out of that band. Any and every update had to be documented and I had to know it. Every picture, no matter how intimate. The shit I had found out about the band in the end was unhealthy! Pictures buried so deep in the web, because they were so personal, not even the most deranged fans would dare re-post them, but I ended up saving them just to be safe, just to have something. I honestly disgusted myself at that point, but I couldn’t stop, somehow. And I still find it gross, but I also know I was maybe 17 at the time I went that far out. My dad had just died, I was grieving, I was lonely more than anything, I felt like the only actual family who had still cared about me was gone, I needed something to hold on to and went into all the wrong directions.

But despite all the deeply intimate things I knew by then, there was one big issue I had somehow managed to keep missing, until they released a video for a song that upset me on such a deeply subconscious level, that I didn’t even know why, until it built up enough to cause my first real flashback.

There was a lot of drama about it within the fandom. A few of us who actually were triggered through the video into reliving our most traumatic moment, while everyone else still praised the shit out of them and told us we were just horrible for implying anything.

We didn’t imply anything. We just said we had a hard time dealing with it. But that didn’t stop threats of violence and death, even from people I was friends with until that point.

But amongst all that, one of the friends, who had already left the fandom to the most part at that point, told me the one big thing I had kept missing: The lead singer is a rapist. He especially goes for underage girls, but ultimately, it’s all the same.

There were enough stories about it out there and even if I think one or two may be made up—oddly enough the favourable ones seem the most unlikely—I think with that amount of stories, including things my friend has seen herself, it’s pretty evident that it has happened. And once that veil was lifted, I could see it. Maybe it’s my imagination, but some signs have always been there, and many people have said the same to me over time, some who knew, and some who didn’t. But that look is there, and cannot be trusted.

This whole thing just messed with me. It messed hard with me then. I had my trauma before, but I had had it well-repressed and buried so deep in my psyche only bits and pieces came bleeding through in the weirdest ways. Not enough for anyone to notice and only for me to occasionally wonder why I’m always returning to this specific topic. (Shit, I still have the hardest time using the term, especially when applied to me…) But now I also had flashbacks, and the knowledge that for the second time now, someone I thought I loved and thought—for some reason—loved me (In a way), was actually this kind of asshole, was a goddamn rapist, and had deceived me so horribly, only for me to go through the pain and trauma all over again.

I’m still thankful I had LInkin Park at the time, to be honest. I know y’all love to make fun of them, but they were there when I was bullied at 12-13 years old and felt all alone in the world, just when “Numb” came out. Translating their lyrics is how I learned english and at that point, Chester screaming in my ears alone, was often the one thing able to keep me from dissociating every 5 minutes, but moreover, he was screaming about the exact trauma that had come to the surface, that I wasn’t equipped to handle in any way, and I just knew I wasn’t alone with it, I knew he understood. It was a little comfort keeping me from losing it entirely, and it gave me some hope that if he could make it through the same bullshit and come out on top, I could, too. Of course, a few years ago that hope got shattered, but that’s another story.

The thing about this whole experience though, is that I still suffer from it. Not only can I still not look at that shitbag’s face without rage and sickness and pain—although it’s getting easier, not that I’m trying to look at him, but he’s unavoidable these days, fucking horrible. I can never listen to their songs again, not that I want to. Even karaoke versions or covers make me run out the room with massive panic attacks. Especially the songs from the same album as the song that triggered it all. The last time someone covered their song at an event I was at, I nearly threw myself off the balcony in the hotel lobby as I was trying to get away from it, because I was that terrified and in that much pain from hearing the first line alone.

And thinking about it, maybe that’s why I no longer go to events. I told myself it was finances, but i just don’t wanna run into that again. Ever. I’m so, so thankful the same friend who had informed me of it all back then was standing by on twitter to talk to me. Typing and reading is good to get your head out of it. It’s a mental and physical sensation and forces you to think of something else, even if it’s only spelling, and I could talk to her to calm tf down.

But mostly, I’m thinking about the very, very deep sitting trust Issues towards famous people and fandom I have developed through all of it. Up to this day, I cannot trust anyone who is famous. Riches being bitches is one problem, an intellectual one for me, mostly, but this is something else.

As soon as I see someone enjoying their fame—especially white men—I get suspicious, because it’s so much like him. What if they too are like him? What if they too only want fame to attain girls they can violate? What if? How could I allow myself to like someone like that ever again? How can I allow myself to fall for this stunt again? I can’t. That’s it. I see you enjoying your fame, I cannot trust you, to protect myself, if nothing else. To not accidentally promote someone who’d do those things. To not accidentally promote them to someone, who’s led right into the trap and has to endure what so many others already had to endure, what I had to endure, even if in my case it wasn’t even a famous person.

So I shy away from anyone who seems a little too “Type-A” or too joyful about their status as celebrity or… too talented, too inhuman. I don’t even know. A lot of it comes down to the eyes, and sometimes I’m definitely right, but in some cases even I am not sure if I see it, or if I’m just scared I don’t see it when I should. (Does that make sense to you?)

On the other hand, sometimes I am certain I don’t see it, and my brain goes into overdrive, running around in circles. We don’t see it, so does that mean it’s not there, or that they are that good at deceiving us? We’ve been deceived before, we failed to see it before, who says we won’t fail this time? Do we see it now? Maybe we only think we see it because we are scared and a little paranoid. But maybe-

it’s a never-ending circle. (Kind of the definition of a circle, isn’t it?)

Every time I see a famous person I want to trust be so visibly human, and warm, or shy, and just likeable, I trust them a little more, and want to trust them a little more, and that is exactly what makes the alarm bells go off in my brain! it’s ridiculous.

Yet, every time I see the same person interact with, say, a child, I freak the hell out.

This is not normal in any way, and it cannot be, and it shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t constantly be afraid of what thoughts some adult man has towards children, literal gd toddlers in frilly dresses. I cannot keep thinking that being nice to a toddler has an ulterior motive, because it’s wrecking me the hell up! Yet here I am, unable to shake those thoughts and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to feel about myself. I was angry at myself a lot today, partly because of that. But I’ve also been deeply depressed lately, partly because so much of my actual trauma came up again and again, and now it’s not going away. I cannot even listen to remix versions of that one Lady Gaga song the band once covered, because it all brings me back (and How very shitty for a rapist to cover a song by a rape survivor too). Even worse, because that song is in my workout game.

I don’t want to have to think about all this all the time anymore, I don’t want my brain to constantly suspect the worst in people, but I cannot fucking shake it off.

I know I’m getting better, generally. I know I’m breaking through some of my fears and all, but I also know I may never be ready to actually speak about this topic with another soul. Therapist or not, no one will ever achieve the level of trust I need to open up about this the slightest bit. If someone were to approach the topic (to talk about me, not themselves, that is), I’d shoot them down. I may actually fall into a panic attack and punch them and run away I don’t know. But this conversation is not going to happen, ever. So I really don’t know how to fix it, except keep fixing myself, but I just don’t know if I can this time.