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lightwormsiblings · 5 years

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My Heart Is Wherever You Are

Read on AO3

(3x20 and 3x21/3x22 promo spoilers)

The sky in Edom never seemed to change. The smokey red a reminder of a time Magnus had called this place home. Of a time hundreds of years later when he gave up his magic. Of Alicante in flames and Alexander with tears in his eyes.

Magnus couldn’t tell how long had passed. Hours? Days? He didn’t know.

The only thing Magnus knew with certainty was that he had to get back to Alexander. His love, his fiancé.

Magnus had waited centuries to get married and he was damn sure that he wasn’t going to let Edom stop him.

He’d been searching for a way to leave Edom without reopening the rift from the moment he’d sealed it. He’d come up with an idea laughably easily. But it was one that he couldn’t carry out on his own.

And Magnus was alone. Alone with nothing but Lilith and the demons of hell. And wasn’t that just bitterly poetic? To know there was a way and not be able to use it.

Magnus had thought about letting Alicante burn for one fleeting second. A city made by a species that looked down upon him and had hurt him and his people countless times over the centuries. He could have let it all burn, and it would have been justified.

He could have taken those four nephilim that he cared about. And he could have portalled them to safety.

But he hadn’t been able to.

Back when he’d been young and new to the world Magnus had named himself after destruction as a reminder of what he was capable of.

Now, he understood it as a reminder of what he wasn’t. He was capable of saving people. Capable of saving an entire city, and that was what he had done.

Because no one deserved to die like that, to lose their home. Magnus knew all too well what loss felt like and he didn’t wish it upon anyone.

He knew Alexander never would have left the city to burn anyway.

Magnus twisted the ring on his left hand and could almost feel the faint whisper of Alexander’s skin against the metal. He smiled sadly and picked up the dozenth book from his father’s extensive collection.

There had to be some other way.

He had just settled onto his father’s throne with the book when he heard a shout and the door to the throne room burst open.

Jace walked in first and Magnus dropped the book in shock when he saw his arms were lit up with yellow magic.

Lorenzo Rey walked in behind him and Magnus stood in surprise. What was Lorenzo doing in Edom?

“What-“

He didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because more people tumbled into the room after him.

Izzy had her staff out and adrenaline in her eyes, Meliorn stood beside her and he nodded at Magnus when they made eye contact. Clary and Simon were both breathing hard but Clary’s face broke out into a wide genuine smile when she saw him that had Magnus’ heart flip over in his chest. She’d been smiling at him like that since she was a child and it was so familiar that tears pricked at his eyes. He had been beginning to think he’d never see any of them again.

The door swung open a final time and all of the breath left Magnus’ lungs.

Alec stood in the doorway, a damning picture against the stone walls of the castle. He was filthy, clothes covered in ichor and his jacket sleeve ripped over his arm. An avenging angel with a bow in hand and fire in his eyes. The ring shone brightly on his left hand and he was beautiful . Absolutely breathtaking.

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed, hope clutching at his chest.

Because Alec was here . He came for him.

Magnus moved forwards at the same time that Alec dropped his bow and crashed into him.

The kiss was messy, their lips slamming together with an urgency that knocked any remaining thoughts from Magnus’ mind.

Alec was everywhere, a hand in his hair, an arm around his waist, his chest pressed flush to Magnus’. Alec lit him up from the inside out.

Magnus was breathing hard when Alec pulled away. Their chests were still pressed together and Alec didn’t remove his hands when he smiled down at him.

“You came,” Magnus whispered, pressing his forehead to Alec’s and breathing him in. If this was all a dream he was going to cherish every second of it.

Alec’s hand slid from his hair and to his cheek, the calluses on his palm were so familiar Magnus had to hold back a shiver.

“Well yeah,” Alec answered, voice rough, “A wedding does require two people last time I checked.”

Magnus shook his head, letting out a sound between a laugh and a sob. Because this idiot Shadowhunter stormed Edom for him. This Shadowhunter with Magnus’ future in his eyes wanted to marry him and Magnus loved him so so much.

Alec took a step away from Magnus, lacing their fingers together, before turning to the front of the room.

That was when Magnus remembered there were other people in there.

Magnus’ eyes landed on Jace first, solely because his hands were still glowing a faint yellow.

“Alexander,” he asked softly, “why is Jace glowing?”

Alec laughed breathlessly and shook his head in amusement.

“We knew we’d need to be as strong as possible if we wanted this mission to be successful,”

He gestured to Clary who was still watching Magnus with a smile.

“Clary came up with a rune.”

Clary stepped up towards them and Alec let go of Magnus’ hand as she pressed herself into his arms. She his her face in his chest for a long moment and Magnus held her close, rocking back and forth.

“Biscuit,” he murmured and laughed when Clary grinned amusedly into his chest.

When she pulled away neither of them said anything about the way both of their eyes had filled with tears. Magnus just ran a comforting hand through her hair and smiled.

“You came up with a rune,” Magnus prompted, smiling wider when Clary lit up with pride.

“The rune I came up with. It lets Shadowhunters and Downworlders share their powers.”

She held up her hand where an unfamiliar rune was drawn.

“Simon has the other half of mine,” she continued, “Izzy and Meliorn are paired together and Jace is with Lorenzo. That’s why he’s glowing.”

Clary laughed at the last part, looking over her shoulder at Jace who seemed to be trying and failing to get his hands to stop glowing.

Jace rolled his eyes when he saw both of them looking at him.

“Hey, I haven’t had hundreds of years to figure out how to control this stuff.”

Alec’s laugh carried brightly over everyone else’s causing Magnus’ attention to shift back to him.

“Who are you partnered with?” He asked softly. He was almost sure he knew the answer, was already starting to smile as Alec started pulling out his stele.

“I was waiting for you.”

Magnus knew this the moment Clary hadn’t mentioned Alec in the pairings. But the words said out loud, softly and like a secret just for Magnus had his heart leaping in his chest.

“If that’s okay with you,” Alec continued, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and holding it out to Magnus.

Magnus smiled. If there was anyone in the world he trusted with his magic, it was Alexander.

“Of course that’s okay.”

Alec’s grin lit up all of Edom as he handed the paper to Magnus. Their hands brushed as Magnus took the paper and he let the tingle travel up his arm with joy.

The paper had two runes drawn on it side by side. One was the one Clary had on her hand and the other was unfamiliar.

“You each draw one of the runes on each other,” Clary explained when Magnus raised an eyebrow at her.

Magnus felt emotion lodge in his throat, couldn’t help thinking about how similar this would be to a wedded union rune. He couldn’t draw that rune on Alec’s skin. But he could draw this one. This was still a union. Between Magnus and the person who he trusted with one of the most important parts of himself.

Magnus held his hand out to Alec who took it gently into his own. He brought the stele to hover over Magnus’ skin with a practiced ease that sent warmth through Magnus’ chest.

“This will hurt a bit,” Alec murmured, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ knuckles in apology. Magnus just nodded and tried to keep his heart from falling straight out of his chest and into Alec’s hands.

When the stele touched his skin Magnus had to grit his teeth against the burn. Alec’s lines were quick and sure and the sensation was over before Magnus could think too much about it. He watched with wide eyes as the gold shimmered and settled into black against his skin. His first and only rune. He could feel the power settle underneath his skin in a way similar yet entirely different to the way his magic spread through his veins.

Alec pressed the stele into his hand a moment later, holding out his own hand.

Magnus gently took his hand, callused and rough and so familiar. He spared another glance back at the photo on the paper Alec had handed him before dropping it to the ground.

He set the stele against the thin skin of Alec’s hand as if he was writing with a pencil. He could feel the power emanating from the stele, watched as the gold spilled out onto Alec’s skin with every stroke.

When he finished he gasped in surprise. The world was suddenly more in focus and felt his exhaustion slip away from him. He looked over at Alec, spotted the clarity rune on his arm and knew a stamina rune was burning on his chest under his shirt. Magnus could feel it all.

His gasp turned into an awed laugh when Alec held up his palm and a wisp of blue magic appeared in his hand.

“Alexander,” he murmured, stepping closer.

Alec shook his head, “I know,” he breathed softly. seemingly with the same kind of awe Magnus was feeling in his own chest.

Without thinking about it Magnus leaned forwards and pressed their lips together in a kiss. Alec’s lips quirked against his and Magnus laughed into his mouth. He couldn’t believe this. They were connected in a way that Magnus could never have imagined and it had left him breathless.

When they pulled apart, Magnus noticed that the rest of their group was watching them with poorly concealed amusement.

“Are you guys done being sappy?” Izzy asked with her hands on her hips but Magnus could tell she was trying to hide a smile.

Alec rolled his eyes at Magnus before turning back towards the group.

“Let’s go home.”

Magnus tilted his head to Alec in wonder.

“The only way I can get out of here is to seal the rift from the outside. And I don’t have enough power outside of Edom to do that.”

Magnus tried not to let the hopelessness show on his face. He’d just gotten them back, he couldn’t lose them again.

When Alec looked back at him though, his smile hadn’t dropped. In fact he was smiling with a spark in his eyes that meant he knew something Magnus didn’t.

He took a step forwards and dropped an amulet into Magnus hand.

“A present from Catarina,” Alec explained, eyebrows raised and the hint of a smirk on his face.

Even before Alec said anything else Magnus knew the amulet was powerful. He could feel the magical energy of several warlocks ingrained into the metal.

“Cat infused people’s magic into this,” he said quietly, bringing the amulet up to eye level to look at it closely.

Alec nodded, “she used a variant of the spell you were going to use to free Jace from Lilith’s possession. It has dozens of warlock’s powers for you to tap into. It should be enough to close the rift from the outside.”

Magnus blinked back tears for the dozenth time in the last twenty minutes. Leave it to Cat to not even be here and still end up helping Magnus save his own ass.

“It was crazy,” Alec went on, “as soon as Lorenzo lifted the ban on helping you in payment for us turning him back human, warlocks flocked in from everywhere to help. There were so many we didn’t know what to do with them,” Alec shook his head in disbelief, “you helped so many people, Magnus. And they wanted to return the favor.”

Magnus let out a wet laugh, palming the amulet and standing in disbelief. All these people were here to help him . Gave away some of their magic to get him out of here. He didn’t know what to say. He was well and truly speechless.

Alec seemed to tell Magnus was at a loss for words because he cupped his cheek again and smiled a soft smile.

“Catarina had to stay with Madzie but she told me to tell you something,” he ran his thumb carefully over the skin under Magnus’ eyes and then down to his cheekbone, “she said to tell you that if you don’t make it back in one piece she’d kick your ass.”

Magnus laughed again, a wet rough sound. Here they were, two of the most important people in his life. The people he loved with every single thing in him. They trusted each other, worked together to find a solution to bring Magnus home. Cat trusted Alec to get Magnus back and Alec trusted Cat to make sure they had what they needed to do it.

“Well then,” Magnus said softly, “let’s get the hell out of here.”

They had to go back to where the rift had formed the first time in order to be able to seal it again from the outside.

To everyone’s dismay, that meant they had to go back out into the fray where Lilith was in control.

The demons were on them as soon as they got back outside but Magnus smiled at the eight of them stood, a united front.

He could still feel the power from Alec’s runes, giving him heightened speed and focus as he blasted demon after demon.

From the corner of his eye he saw Alec lose his seraph blade and retaliate with a burst of magic. The sight sent his heart racing. Alec using his magic with such ease made his heart grow warm.

Jace frowned at Alec as he fought off another demon with his blade.

“How the hell can you control that so easily?” he asked Alec breathlessly, “it took my a good half hour to be able to blast anything.”

Alec just shrugged as they both whirled around and blasted a demon behind them together.

Magnus smiled to himself even as he fought off demons of his own. He knew exactly why Alec could control the magic so easily. It loved him. Just like it loved Magnus. Magnus’ magic had found a home in Alec’s careful hands and nonjudgmental gaze long before Magnus had even realized it.

Magnus blasted another dozen demons when he felt a sold presence against his back.

“Hey there handsome,” he quipped, grinning when Alec laughed in amusement.

“Hey yourself.”

They both kept their eyes on the sky, watching the demons as they circled, getting closer and closer.

“How far is the rift?” Alec asked, yelling to be heard over the noise of fighting, “I don’t know how much longer we’ll be able to hold them back.”

At that Magnus let a slow smirk slide onto his face. He hadn’t even used his best trick yet. Magnus had banished his father, as his son he’d inherited the parts of Edom that belonged to Asmodeus. And with that, came demons.

“You forget,” Magnus said, “You’re marrying into royalty, Alexander.”

And with that he unleashed his father’s demons into the fight.

Alec gasped in surprise as they both watched Magnus’ demons attack the ones they’d been fighting.

He turned to Magnus with wide eyes and then grinned. lighting an arrow with Magnus’ magic.

“What are we waiting for then?” he said, joy obvious in his voice, “We’ve got a wedding to attend.”

#my writing #shfanficnexus #3x20 coda #malec fic #magnus bane #alec lightwood #jace herondale #catarina loss #isabelle lightwood #clary fray #simon lewis #meliorn #lorenzo rey #magic #3x21 speculation #sh spoilers

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sophiehattcr · 5 years

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when i watch the world burn (all i think about is you)

Read on ao3 here

Like a good warrior, a good Shadowhunter, Alec Lightwood will die on this battlefield. He will die in a world where he is no longer loved by Magnus Bane, where he no longer walks in a bright, beautiful universe which so obviously was not meant for him - and that’s okay.

Both of them raw, heartbroken and bleeding, surrounded by destruction and terror, they find their way back to each other.

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Alec can feel himself flagging.

Above, the sky is sliced open – angry and red, bleeding with demons that don’t seem to stop spilling from the mouth in relentless numbers. The air is hot, stale, smells of burnt flesh and ash, smells of decay and terror. It’s putrid.

“Alec!” Izzy yells, in time for Alec to notice the demon soaring at close range from his side, spinning to latch an arrow and turn it to dust seconds before its claws tear his head from his shoulders.

He notches arrow after arrow, sweat dripping from his brow, the cracked skin on his knuckles stinging: but the demons don’t let up. He feels barely conscious. Desperate. Hopeless. Alec tastes blood on his lips, his muscles are tight and scream at him. They lost Jace and Clary what seems like days ago, the parabatai rune beating against his skin his only sign that the former is still breathing.

“There are too many of them.” Izzy gasps, her voice tight with dread.

“Keep going!” he barks, although he knows with increasing hopelessness that she’s right. He feels cruel warmth on his fingers as they drip with blood.

If I die now, an unwelcome thought swirls through his mind, Magnus will never know the truth. He will live the rest of his life believing that I didn’t love every part of him, that he wasn’t enough for me. He will live the rest of his life hating me.

The thought brings the pain in his chest to the surface, rising like stones in his throat, and it’s worse than the pain in his hands and arms. Worse than the heat of the air on the back of his neck, worse than his mortality biting at his heels.

Good. Let him hate me. As long as he can be happy tomorrow, let him resent me today.

A demon, crawling on his belly, rounds on Alec from behind. He turns, almost losing grip on his bow as he rushes to tug a blade from his thigh, throwing it between the demon’s eyes. It dies with a gurgling shriek.

Better to die today, his heart – his broken, withering, weak heart – tells him, then live another day in a world where I can never see Magnus Bane again.

The demons somehow grow thicker in the sky above them, and his hands begin to tremble. Izzy draws in a shaky breath beside him.

He notches five arrows, and points steadfastly towards the great black sea of creatures descending through the blood red sky.

“I love you, Izzy.” Alec says.

“I love you too.” Izzy replies, strength and sorrow in her voice.

Alec thinks of Magnus’ golden eyes glowing in the dusk beside him. He thinks of the warmth of his hands against Alec’s face and the lovely melody of his laugh. He thinks of Magnus’ lips, his chest, the silhouette of his shoulders against the sunset, and the flutter of his eyelids after he is kissed. He thinks of Magnus sagging in his arms, muffling his sobs against Alec’s shoulder. He thinks of the ring in the drawer of his desk that he couldn’t bear to touch again.

He thinks of that last desperate, searing kiss that Magnus pressed against his mouth before Alec walked away and shattered his own heart into pieces, and how that’s the last time Alec will ever know Magnus’ touch.

But it’s alright.

The demons descend, and Alec is ready. To fight. To die. To lose, once and for all.

His fingers loosen their grip, and his arrows are released into the wall of death in front of him. After that, everything seems to happen in slow motion.

His arrows are launched for half a second before they turn to dust before his eyes. As do the sea of creatures before him, following a great, blinding stream of clean red light that leaves him blinking dazedly. Alec feels electricity kiss threateningly at his skin as every demon in sight is wiped from the sky. His heart registers its familiarity before his mind has the chance to catch up, jumping into his throat and sucking the air from his chest.

“Magnus!” Izzy cries. He sees her sag in relief out of the corner of his eye as he whips around, breathless and hopeful and heartbroken.

Because Magnus is there. Beautiful and powerful and terrifying, his hands outstretched menacingly at his sides as he stares at Alec with fire in his stunning, glowing yellow eyes.

He has his magic back. Alec thinks with joy, his fatigue and fear forgotten for a brief, shining moment as he gazes at Magnus in all his glory. He looks like a Prince of Hell. He looks like his saviour, like an avenging angel. He looks like everything Alec has ever wanted.

“Izzy.” Magnus says, sparing Izzy his sharp gaze even as his voice softens a touch. “Retreat and regroup with your reinforcements.”

Her eyes flick to Alec’s, before she nods firmly. Her grip on her whip is as strong as ever as she marches with determination away from one battle and towards another, into the dust and out of sight.

“Magnus.” Alec whispers, and his knees buckle before he can quite comprehend what is happening. He finds himself kneeling in the dust before Magnus. Worshipful. Terrified.

“You stupid Nephilim.” Magnus spits. His eyes are burning, angry and raw as they bore into Alec’s. “You stupid, idiotic Shadowhunter.”

Alec says nothing, his mouth suddenly dry, his thoughts suddenly empty apart from a lovesick mantra of Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.

Magnus begins to step closer, and Alec feels every inch he shortens the distance between them like a fist squeezing at his heart.

“You went to my father?” Magnus scoffs, looming closer and closer. “After everything I told you about him? A prince of hell? A creature that thrives on pain, on suffering and manipulation, who lives and breathes to draw me back to his side for the rest of eternity? You went to him?”

“I-“ Alec can barely think. He feels blood drip down his arm, dirt and sweat matting his hair against his forehead. “He told you?”

Magnus stops then, a metre from Alec, glaring with fury down at Alec as he stares up from his place on the ground, gormless and awed.

“Of course he did.” Magnus says, hands curling into fists at his sides. “Once he realised I wouldn’t be his pet again, he couldn’t bear another second pretending to be the caring father whose only concern is to ease his dear son’s pain. He thrives off suffering, but god forbid anyone not realise he is the orchestrator of that suffering. A proud creature, is Asmodeus.”

Alec feels shaky, untethered.

“But, Magnus.” Alec mutters, “Your magic. The deal…”

“Yes, a fantastic job you did there, Alexander.” Magnus sneers, even as his eyes shine with unshed tears. “You really held up your end of the bargain beautifully. Consider my heart entirely shattered.”

“But. Now you know, and-“

“He can try and take my magic from me again.” Magnus snaps. “But he’ll have to get me where he can reach me first, and I won’t make it easy for him when he does. This time, I’ll know better than to fall into his poisonous embrace again.”

Magnus’ body is taut, what Alec recognises as unconcealed pain swirling in his eyes and tightening his shoulders. He’s as raw as Alec has ever seen him, as dangerous as he’s ever seen him, with his battered heart on full display and his magic barbed and ready to destroy.

Alec did this to him.

“I’m sorry.” Alec says, because it suddenly becomes paramount to him that Magnus knows this. He doesn’t know how much time they have before the threat of death descends upon them again, but if he dies in the next minute, he needs Magnus to know this. “I never wanted to hurt you. Never. You, you were just so unhappy and I couldn’t bear it, and I knew that if I could give you this, if I could find a way to give you your magic back you could be happy again, you could be whole again. Even if it meant losing me, I-I know you could move on from that. You have before. He was the only way I could think of, and I couldn’t bear it, Magnus. I couldn’t bear seeing you so unhappy because I love you, I love you so much and I knew that you would spend your life resenting me if I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Alec is trembling now, and he suddenly feels everything rise to the surface as his eyes heat with tears and the lump in his throat swells. He knew that walking away from Magnus, that throwing Magnus’ hurt and his love back in his face, was the biggest mistake he’s ever made – but now he really feels it, deep in the pit of his soul. It’s worse than breaking his own heart, because it’s Magnus’ heart he’s broken. Magnus’ gentle, wise, strong, beautiful heart; crushed into the dirt.

Magnus is silent above him, and Alec turns his face to the floor and away from Magnus’ face, unable to bear the hatred he will undoubtedly find there.

He hears a crunch and a shuffle, and he finds his face being turned upward by two warm hands as Magnus draws Alec’s eyes level with his, the two of them now kneeling in the dust. Alec can’t withhold the shudder that rocks his body at Magnus’ touch.

“You stupid Nephilim.” Magnus whispers this time, and Alec feels Magnus’ breath against his skin. Magnus’ eyes still glow yellow, but the anger has dimmed, and there is no universe where Alec isn’t helpless to their pull.

“How can you not know,” Magnus says lowly, “that losing you carved a bigger hole in me than anything I have ever experienced in all my centuries of living?”

Alec can only swallow and tremble beneath Magnus’ palms.

“I thought that losing my magic was breaking me.” Magnus murmurs, close and quiet and secret. “But when you left….when you left me, Alec, I couldn’t bear it.”

Magnus licks his lips and shifts minutely closer, seemingly preparing himself.

“I have loved before. Many times. I have loved and lost so many, had my heart broken by so many. I have healed before, learnt from my mistakes, learnt from the wounds other people have dealt me. But with you, I…” Magnus’ eyes dip from Alec’s gaze for a moment and he shivers. Alec barely supresses the urge to wrap him into his arms, blood and confessions and the looming threat of mortality be damned. “It’s different. You’re different.”

Magnus leans back slightly, and while his body is still tense from head to toe and his eyes still glow golden, Alec can see the righteous rage has bled from him, leaving behind the raw, vulnerable man cupping his bruised heart in his palms for Alec to see. The last time Magnus bared his hollowed-out, aching heart to Alec, he had taken it and crushed it beneath his foot – and yet here Magnus is again, offering it before Alec’s eyes. Alec is more terrified now than he has ever been.

“I wanted to remove you from my life. I wanted to tear my memories of you from my mind.” Magnus whispers. Alec’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. “Never... never have I wanted to do that with anyone else. Never have I felt the need to. Not even with Camille, I-I just, the pain of losing you, thinking you didn’t love me anymore, it was agonising.”

Magnus swallows, loosens his grip on Alec’s face and slides his hands down until he’s cupping Alec’s neck instead. The part of Alec’s brain that isn’t reeling from Magnus’ words, the part of his soul that isn’t drowning in the throbbing hurt that exists between them, marvels at once again having Magnus’ hands against his skin, at seeing his beautiful eyes shine in the desolate air and the shape of his jaw against the seared orange sky.

“I couldn’t do it, though. I wanted to, I wanted to so badly but I couldn’t. And that’s what Asmodeus wanted.” Magnus eyes once again flash with anger at the mention of his father’s name. “He wanted me raw and in pain, so he could draw me into his arms once again, so he could convince me that I had no other choice than to take my rightful place at his side again.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec says, quieter than a whisper, and Magnus shakes his head.

“But he was wrong.” Magnus says with resolution, his voice firm with anger and grit and a fire that makes Alec’s blood hot and goosebumps prick at his skin. “He thought that I loved you, and having you walk from my life would leave me small, broken and weak.”

Alec can’t breathe.

“He was wrong. I am stronger now than I was when he first found me. I am a different man. A better man. And that’s not the only thing he grossly misunderstood.” Magnus sucks in a breath. “Because in reality, you’re the love of my life, and I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”

Alec’s eyes spill over with tears, and in that moment he loses every thought in his head, every sensation in his body other than the need to reach up and drag Magnus by the shoulders towards him, until their mouths meet in a kiss that destroys Alec and puts him back together all over again. Alec feels Magnus’ lips move against his, and it feels like rebirth. Magnus kisses him, and Alec is whole again.

They part only to gasp and press their foreheads together, Magnus’ fingers skimming across Alec’s neck and shoulders as Alec grips desperately at the back of Magnus’ jacket.

“I don’t think I can live without you, either.” Magnus breathes, and Alec is lost.

“I love you.” Alec says, voice trembling, tears like red hot rivers streaming down his face. “I love you, Magnus. I’m so sorry. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. Everything I’ve ever done is to try and make you happy.”

“Shh.” Magnus whispers. “I know.”

He kisses Alec again, soft and sweet and far too quickly.

“I’m still angry at you, you know. Really angry.”

Alec manages a smile, and it’s crooked and apologetic and painful but his heart has been knitted haphazardly together for now, and it’s enough.

“I know.”

There’s a distant, blood-freezing shriek, and both Alec and Magnus look up to see the angry wound in the sky spill more demons, the masses of their black shapes against red hurtling towards the ground at a frightening pace.

They both rise to their feet, and their hands find each other, fingers tangling together where they belong.

“It doesn’t matter how much we fight as long as that rift is still open.” Alec says with dread.

Magnus fingers tighten in his.

“It would seem that way.” He says, but he doesn’t sound hopeless. He sounds determined.

Alec turns to him, brow furrowing.

“Magnus…”

“I’m going to close it.” Magnus says simply, not meeting Alec’s eyes. “I know I can.”

“Magnus, no, it’s-“

“It’s the only way.” Magnus turns his gaze to Alec’s then, and his eyes burn with resolve, purpose, and something that looks a lot like love. “You know it is. It’s the only way we can end this.”

“I’ll come with you.” Alec says hurriedly, and it’s desperate and flailing and childish but he can’t lose Magnus again. He can’t.

Magnus smiles sadly at him.

“No.” Magnus says. “They need you. The city needs you.”

Alec can barely speak past the lump that swells in his throat, past the hot tears that tremble in his eyes and the feeling of urgency that rises ever prominently inside him, because he knows Magnus is right. Magnus is always right.

Instead, he draws Magnus closer to him until they’re chest to chest again, eyes skimming over every inch of his beautiful face.

“You’ll come back.” Alec murmurs, soft and reverent. Pleading. “Won’t you?”

A tearful smile crosses Magnus’ lips, and he lets go of Alec’s hand to cup his face once again, warm and loving and sad.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He whispers. “Look what I have waiting for me.”

Alec’s heart skips a beat. Magnus’ eyelashes lower and his chin tips upwards as he expects to be kissed, but instead:

“Will you marry me?” Alec says suddenly, startling himself with the words as they cross his lips. He hadn’t meant to say them – not here, not now, when there’s an axe hovering over both their necks and they’ve only just collided with each other again - yet he can’t take them back. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want another moment to pass where Magnus doesn’t know that Alec loves him, that he will love him for the rest of his life, that Magnus is his earth and stars and everything in between.

Magnus jaw falls slack as he stares at Alec, stares and stares with his fingers still against Alec’s jaw and his brows lifted in innocent surprise.

“Alec-“

“I love you.” Alec says. “If-when we make it out of this – and this isn’t how I wanted to do this I swear – I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my world, Magnus. I don’t want there to be any more doubt.”

And as they stand together in the dust, hands on each other’s skin, surrounded by death and desolation and dread, Magnus smiles at him.

“Yes.” He says, and Alec never knew that such a simple, common word could fix every crack in his heart, balm every ache in his soul. “Yes, Alexander Lightwood, I will marry you.”

Alec can’t not kiss him then, their mouths coming together familiar and brand new at once. He kisses him and kisses him for as long as he dares, and feels the world unfold anew behind his eyes.

“I have a ring.” Alec gasps against Magnus’ mouth, “I have a ring, I had everything planned out, I didn’t mean-“

Magnus shakes his head slightly. Alec feels Magnus’ hair brush against his forehead with the movement before Magnus slides his hands into Alec’s hair and kisses him harder.

“After.” Magnus says, the word almost lost between their lips. “After. We’ll do this after. We still have so much to talk about, just…after. I have to go.”

He moves away then, and Alec grips his arms harder even though he can still feel Magnus’ breath on his face, the tip of his nose brushing against Alec’s.

“I have to go, Alexander.” He steps back, eyes finding Alec’s, hands moving from Alec’s hair to his neck to his shoulders before they fall at his sides. Alec’s hands follow suit, and they feel empty and wrong twitching at his thighs.

“Come back.” Alec says. A plea.

Magnus takes another step back, and another, his fierce gaze never once leaving Alec’s. His beautiful face curves into a smile.

“We always find our way back to each other.” Magnus says, and it sounds a lot like a vow.

He reaches an arm back, opens a portal with a graceful curl of his wrist (and how Alec has missed that, even if his entire body is screaming at him to reach out and take Magnus in his arms instead).

“I love you, Magnus Bane.” Alec tells him. He could tell him every minute for the rest of eternity and it would never be enough.

“I love you too.” Magnus says, soft as a prayer.

Then Magnus steps backwards and disappears.

#fic #malec #shadowhunters #coda #3x20 #malec reunion #malec fic #magnus bane #alec lightwood #mine #my writing

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itsdeanwinchester · 5 years

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Magnus was mad. That was why he destroyed the lock. In half anger, half pain, he wanted to erase his memories of Alec forever.

But then Asmodeus said, “Anger runs in our blood, after all” and it reminded Magnus that he never wanted to be like his father. It reminded Magnus of how much Asmodeus used to nurture his darker impulses.

Anger once brought him to kill his step-father and it made him hurt Lorenzo. Magnus hadn’t forgotten the things he did for his father--with his father.

Magnus won’t let anger rule his heart anymore. Instead, he lets love in. He knows about the deal Alec made but it doesn’t matter. He understands and he chooses love, chooses to cherish every moment he has with the one he loves.

#shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec coda #kind of i'm gonna need more time to hash this thing out #some good stuff from this ep!!!#shadowhunters spoilers #shadowhunters 3x20

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girl-in-a-paper-bag · 5 years

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I said i love you whilst the city burned.

You asked me to marry me when there were demons coiling around the city of glass.

We could have waited. Waited long enough for the world to have peace and professed our love for eachother. But that would not be a promise of eternal love. Magnus Bane, I shall love you in every realms, in every universe. And, we will come back to eachother.

- Alexander Lightwood

credit to shuntertaz

#alec lightwood #magnus x alec #alexander lightwood #malec #magnus bane #shadowhunters #3x20 #shadowhunters 3b #coda #i guess #mine

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thisiscalmanditsdoctorreid · 2 years

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Favourite Criminal Minds Episodes (spoilers)

1x01 opening episode- How could I not love them, they're so cute and young.

1x06 ldsk- A fan favourite if for nothing else that gif of Morgan tackling Reid

1x18 Hollywood stalker- Who doesn't want to see MGG make out with a girl in a pool?

1x22 2x01 fisher king - Cult classic

2x10 guantanamo - I really loved how they played him.

2x11 Reid’s fanboy- why can't Reid have normal non-stabby fans?

2x12 dereks backstory - Really loved the dimension this added

2x15 Tobias hankel- Reid’s first big onscreen trauma- but not his last (pls leave my baby alone)

3x05 mall abduction- Just a really interesting one

3x8 lucky- cannibal - Never eating group food again

3x9 Penelope shot- BAU family pulling together.

3x16 Johnny cash wannabe- Spencer’s first but not last time relating to an unsub

3x20 4x01 New York terror shootings - English Agent helping me feel inserted

4x3 minimal loss- cult hostages - ALL TIME FAV with my all time favs

4x7 Reid’s childhood friend- We love a Reid centric episode

4x9 player unsub- but we also love an Emily Prentiss focus- I want to BE her.

4x16 how am I a whore?

4x18 foyet- SUPRISE!

4x24 anthrax one- Just another trauma for Reid

5x9 foyet kills Hailey- soul crushing but we love it

5x12 golden ratio killings- badass reid

5x16 Mosley lane- Gubler’s debut

5x21/22/23 Boyband Reid supremacy

6x12 ritual killings- Poor Spence has a headache

6x16 CODA- Spencer and children

6x18 Lauren- Favourite man directs episode about favourite female character? I’m in

7x01 this is calm and it’s doctor

7x02 passive aggressive reid

7x4 prank war- BAU banter

7x13 snake eyes- my pinned post- that look

7x23/24 hit and run- love bank robbers and Battlestar Galactica- it’s got both

8x6 soft! reid plays softball

8x10 - puppets- Gubler does it again

8x20 alchemy- Reid is hot in this one

8x24 replicator- what are you doing Mark Hamill?

9x5- vest and sunnies

9x7 reid delivers the baby

9x12 garcia and derek’s hr intervention

9x18 fitness test and Reid stomping on that guys back

9x20 incest baby

9x22 reid is fit af

9x24 corrupt cops and and I want to kiss Reid’s neck better

10x6 fairytale- Prince!Spencer

10x07 hashtag- they looking fiiiiine

10x11 forever people- ‘WRONG’

10x18 Russian surveillance Reid

10x21 mr scratch- I wonder who directed this?

11x01 Reid’s Dom energy briefly appears

11x02 strat trekguy does sarin and fit reid

11x11 entropy - No words just a lot of feelings nsfw

11x18 Derek leaves- breaks my heart

12x13 Spencer- When it’s named after a character you know you’re screwed

12x22 - cat interrogation - I would like to be thrown against the wall no further questions

14x01 300 - Leave him alone ffs

14x05 tall man - MGG just direct my life and also marry me

14x12 - “he went cell block d on him”

15x06 date night- Considering committing crimes if I get a date as a reward

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mirrorofliterature · 3 years

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twenty first lines: a roll call

Stealing this from @lostmykeysie (hope you don’t mind; wonderful story openers on your end). It’s been almost three years since I last did this (earlyish 2019), so I don’t think I’m going to get through everything, but still, let’s go! It’s going to be a mix-mash of fandoms. Going chronologically from most recent to least.

Essentially, the rules are to gather together the first lines of your 20 most recent works and to comment on them, if any pattern emerges, etc.

1. When Victoria peers through Ceci’s door, she does not expect to see a scraggly skeleton standing there. | the song of a snuffed out spark | coco canon divergence, 7.3k

2. it takes her a while to figure it all out. | dancing to a different beat | izzy figures out she’s aro: shadowhunters, 757 words

3. Sirius Black was never meant to die old. | dreaming of a happy ending | sirius black, an inevitable tragedy: hp, 1.1k

4. 1928 is like every other year since Thomas became Downton Abbey’s butler. | and all i’m thinking about is tomorrow | thomas barrow gets the happiness he deserves: downton abbey, 3.1k

5. Ginny Weasley stands amongst the smoking wreckage of her school, a place she has lived in for the better part of six years. | a study of cracked gold | ginny and percy, rebuilding after tragedy: hp, 18.1k

6. Edward thought - Well, he doesn’t know what he thought. | i’ll tell you a story before it tells itself | edward courtaney x thomas barrow canon divergence: downton abbey, 10.9k (and desperately neglected)

7. Clary’s wearing a cotton-candied striped scarf when they break up. | cherry blossoms in the spring | modern clizzy exes to lovers: shadowhunters, 3.9k

8. Magnus Bane is Great. | falling | magnus bane has an identity crisis despite being a badass: shadowhunters, 442 words

9. Jason is jogging at the base of Mount Othrys. | falling like lightning | jason and thalia reunite early: pjo, 4.4k (also dying for attention)

10. The wind howls. | everything not black and blue | oliver wood joins the order and defends boyfriend percy weasley: hp, 4.1k

11. When Magnus walks through the hallowed halls of the Institute, hours after his trust in the Clave is further shattered, there are still faint hints of sunlight streaming through the stained-glass windows, almost ethereal. | catch me when i fall | magnus bane gets the story arc he deserved in season 2b: canon divergence, shadowhunters, 7.3k 12. On a perfectly ordinary night, they’re sneaking around on top of frozen ground, walking slowly as to not skid on the icy grass. | fight on, ‘til the night is won | maiabelle murder mystery with a side of brotherly alec: shadowhunters, 1.9k 13. Another world is crueler. | almost found heaven but i missed a step | magnus bane dies too early, a tragedy: shadowhunters, 571 words 14. alec throws away his bundle of yellowing papers. | yet we must go on | alec gets overwhelmed by the impending end of the world, 3x20 coda: shadowhunters, ficlet 15. He wants to say that it was destiny, fate, that they met. | and i do not know who writes the stars | barris introspection fluff: downton abbey, 610 words 16. The infirmary is still as the clock ticks to the hour, shifting the world deeper into the day: night must have fallen by now, but inside the Institute, it is impossible to tell. | god save the king | outsider pov on malec when magnus collapses from magic strain: shadowhunters, 1.4k 17. Alec and Magnus are sitting on freshly painted stools in a quaint cafe off 5th Avenue, perched above bumpy grey and blue cobblestones. | as the storm passes, can you hold this fragile heart of mine? | mundane alec geting caught up in the shadow world: shadowhunters, 7.1k 18. They say drunken words are sober thoughts. | we dreamed, you and i, until you ran away | magnus is angsty over alec, post-break up: shadowhunters, 443 words

19. As Alexander Lightwood places his heart, his hopes, his dreams and desires out for anyone to see onto the thick mahogany table, Asmodeus smiles. | but oh my darling, don’t you trust me? | asmodeus is evil and a very terrible father: shadowhunters, 355 words

20. Alec stands in front of C-12 with a curse on the tip of his tongue: this is decisively not a science room. | off into the abyss (if only i was so brave) | rival science teachers malec: shadowhunters, 468 words

A pattern I was already noticing emerging after the first four fics: the first sentence immediately sets the tone of the fic and introduces the most important thing of the fic: the mystery, the thing the character has to figure out (my writing tends to be heavily character driven, what is plot?). It tends to be less laser focused the longer the fic, particularly if it is multi-chaptered, less signal posting. Sometimes I like to be dramatic and simply and creatively describe the scenery. I also got to skip one because I put it in my prior 20 lines fic in 2019 as a wip and felt very smug. Maybe too smug, but finishing things is a wonderful feeling. Irrelevant to the sentences, but my titles do tend to be literary-esque and dramatic. And lowercase. That is essential to my aesthetic.

This took me... a decent amount of time. I’m tagging: @infinitelycynical, @sugarandspace, @lightwormsiblings, @faejilly and whoever else wants to participate!

#long post #20 first lines #writing snippet #a summary of nearly two and a half years of writing fic #I feel both proud and zoomed out on #ah well

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sourstiless · 4 years

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here’s a list of criminal minds episodes to rewatch with commentary by me

they’re top tier i promise

1x06 LDSK - reid and morgan’s relationship is what keeps me going everyday.

1x09 derailed - just a good episode. i like when reid talks down unsubs makes me feel things

1x14 ride the lightning - i cried.

1x22, 2x01 fisher king - so much happened that i cant even put it into words but they’re great episodes

2x11 sex, birth, death - can you tell i like reid centric episodes?

2x15 revelations - angst

3x05 seven seconds - just another suspenseful episode. it’s sad, but not sad in that way that you generally think.

3x16 elephants memory - :(

3x20, 4x01 lo-fi and mayhem - i think my heart stopped and my anxiety went 📈📈📈📈

4x03 minimal loss - just amazing. 10/10. emily and reid 👌🏼

4x22 the big wheel - i cried again. also alex oloughlin.

4x24 amplification - more crying. hits different watching with all this coronavirus stuff.

5x09 100 - well fuck. that’s all i have to say.

5x12 the uncanny valley - another sad one. you genuinely feel bad for the unsub. some badass reid yeet.

5x16 mosley lane - if you don’t cry you don’t have a heart so fuck you

5x22-6x01 - not particularly because they’re good but because i really like reid’s hair

6x12 corazon - more reid centric, but overall just a very interesting episode.

6x16 coda - another really good episode. one of my favorites. reid with kids is beautiful. we were robbed.

6x18 lauren - i fucking hate criminal minds.

7x01 it takes a village - this is calm and it’s doctor. iconic.

7x02 proof - i love passive aggressive reid. he’s my favorite.

7x11 true genius - more emily and reid bonding. my favorite friendship.

7x23, 7x24 hit and run - more anxiety.

8x12 zugzwang - fuck this show. diane turner is hot tho.

8x24 the replicator - how do none of them get hurt in the helicopter crash? i am still confusion.

9x05 route 66 - reid looks pretty

9x23, 9x24 angels and demons - even more anxiety. part of me died.

10x18 rock creek park - reid speaks russian in it and i think that’s pretty cool

10x21 mr scratch - wild episode. think i stopped breathing at one point because everyone died. not a spoiler dw.

11x11 entropy - one of, if not, my favorite episodes. cat adams can run me over with a truck.

11x18 a beautiful disaster - more fucking anxiety and tears.

11x22 the storm - yeet

12x13 spencer - fuck any episode titled with bau members’ names.

12x22 red light - oh god what can i say except is it fucking HOT in here or what

13x01 wheels up - i love emily :(

13x15 annihilator - reid being a loyal friend to emily we fuckin love to see it. fuck linda barnes she can choke.

13x16 last gasp - we stan one team and one team only.

13x22 believer - minimal loss.

14x01 300 - much love for reid and garcia.

14x05 the tall man - idk just a cool episode. kind of jj centric.

14x07 twenty seven - the way reid does cpr is really funny

15x04 saturday - WHY DIDNT WE GET MORE OF THESE EPISODES THEYRE SO CUTE

15x06 date night - max and cat can both shoot me in the face and i’d thank them.

#i was bored #just my opinions #criminal minds #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #jj #emily prentiss #derek morgan #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #david rossi #cat adams #diane turner #max brenner #maxine brenner

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coldtomyflash · 7 years

Text

Episode Coda 3.20

She waits for him. She’s not sure how she’s so certain he’ll arrive, except that she knows him better than he knows himself some days.

Barry has no clue how to find him. But all it takes is Iris sitting on the stoop to his childhood house - it’s empty, has been up for sale since Henry’s death - and with some patience, he arrives.

Her heart hammers in her chest, suddenly on overdrive. Fight and flight, but neither are options with someone - something - like Savitar.

She swallows back her fear, schooling it, and stands.

He’s maybe ten paces from her, and in that suit. She’s never seen it, not properly. He was invisible when he was locked in the speedforce. Now, she’s taken with how it looks, getting a proper view. It’s stockier than she imagined, brutalist and blunt. It’s just as big, though. Just as alien.

She draws a breath. “Barry told me who you are.”

“I know.” His voice - it’s nothing like him. Metallic, resonating. She’s reminded of the night she met him on the roof of Jitters but it’s so wrong to think of that right now.

“Show me your face.”

He stalks left and right for a moment. “You shouldn’t be here, Iris.”

“Show me your face, Barry.”

He’s there, in an instant, even faster than Barry - her Barry. The gleaming metal of his suit and the shocking blue are right in her face, threatening, angry.

But he doesn’t touch, and she pushes past the dizzying wave of fear that nauseates. She reaches out despite what seems like an angry expression, if a suit could have an expression, and touches the deep indent scratched across his eye.

It’s cold and warm at once, like touching cool water but feeling it warm you once you’re fully emerged. It warms her arm but leaves her feeling cold. But it only lasts a second.

He steps back and she’s worried he’ll disappear in a blink but the metal cranks and whirs and he kneels.

She knows what to expect, but still, she has to draw a breath.

“It’s really you,” she whispers, voice thick with grief. “Barry.”

“I am Savitar,” he says and the metallic clang is all gone. There’s a glint of something not quite human in his eye, animal and violent. But he is Barry.

She reaches out to caress his face, those scars, tears in her eyes, but he snatches her wrist and she gasps, ready for him to snap it. He doesn’t.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He repeats. “I’m going to kill you.”

“No, you won’t. Not now, anyway.” She gives him a watery smile. She’s already figured that much out. He can’t kill her until May 23rd. She doesn’t know why, but she knows if he could, she would be dead in her bed instead of standing here, or underground already. “You need me alive.”

“Until I don’t.”

She nods. He’s still holding her wrist, but his fingers don’t hurt. They’re not digging in. She wants to cry. She wants to call his name and reach across the void of time and space like she did calling him back from the speedforce. But she can’t.

“He doesn’t know you’re here.”

He doesn’t, it’s true. He’d never approve. Not that she needs it, but she doesn’t want to cause him any more grief.

“You told us it was you or me. Why do I have to die so that you can live?” she has to know. She has to understand.

“You can’t stop me, Iris.” His lips pull back in something like a smile, a grin, but it’s wrong. It’s not a smile Barry’s ever smiled at her.

“You choose you.”

“I do.” It’s more of a smirk now.

“I would choose you too.”

He falters, then, for a second. Some humanity. She aches inside.

“I would choose to die so that you can live, Barry. That’s what love means.”

“You will die,” he’s angry, snarling suddenly and her wrist is her own again, snatching tight against her chest out of his grasp. “You will die so go enjoy what little time you have left with him.”

“With you.”

“I am S--”

“He would choose me though. You would never choose for me to die, Barry.”

That’s what she has to understand. This is Barry, her Barry. But he’s not.

“I already have.”

She falters, and swallows. “And if I die? Before that happens - before May 23rd?”

His snarl drops. His eyes narrow and he’s hesitating finally, for the first time. It’s only for a second, but it was there. “I won’t let that happen.”

She laughs. “Do you plan to watch me every moment of every day? You can’t stop me Barry.”

“You won’t die–”

“I will! I’ll die before I ever let you become this. Before I let you create this twisted version of yourself. You’ll lose me no matter what I do so I–”

He has her, suddenly there, so much faster than she can comprehend. He has her in his arms, then his hands, they’re on her cheeks and he’s looking deep into her eyes with something unfathomable in his own. His scarred blind eye, his mottled flesh.

“I won’t let you die, Iris. Not until I kill you.”

She cries, tears dropping down onto his hands as soon as she registers he’s there, in her space. “I won’t let you hurt like this, Barry.”

He doesn’t resist when she wraps her arms around him and presses her face to his chest. He takes her in his arms. It’s not tight, and warm, and like the comfort she’s always had from Barry. It’s like hugging a corpse that knows how to hug back.

“Why? Why do you want to become this - why do you want to live like this?”

He’s gone from her arms as fast as he appeared there. Standing behind his suit, about to enter.

“I am the future Flash. I am Savitar. I am a God. You? You’re already dead, Iris. In my timeline, in every timeline where I arrive. You just don’t know it yet.”

She swallows and steps back as the suit enfolds him, blinks and he’s gone.

He’s wrong. She won’t let him become that. Barry Allen and the rest of them be damned. If Barry can’t save her from himself, she’ll find her own way.

After all, she knows him better than he knows himself some days.

#the flash 3x20 #iris west #savitar #savitar!barry #implied westallen #tumblr drabbles #episode coda #my writing #redhead vs. writing #seriously curious how she must feel with all of this #probably has typos i'll edit later

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bytheangell · 5 years

Note

could you write a fic about clace and izzy comforting alec right after magnus gets taken? i love your writing so much btw, thanks!

The Dangerous Spark of Hope(Read on AO3) (3x20 coda, spoilers ahead)

Alec isn’t certain how long he kneels on the cold, stone floor. There’s a dull ache in his knees from the impact of his collapse… because that’s exactly what it was. He fell, losing not just the ability to stand but the will to. With Magnus locked away behind the rift that seals itself shut with flashes of blue stitching themselves across a sky of red, Alec can almost feel the physical disconnect of that separation. Like a piece of his soul was ripped away from him.

Maybe this was how Magnus felt without his magic. The loss of something that, in such a short time, became intrinsically bound to his happiness, his very sense of self.

He doesn’t know when he started crying again, only aware of the sobs that shake his body once he feels the hands of Isabelle and Jace on either shoulder, rising and falling with each shuddering breath. No one says anything for a while. What could they possibly say? What could comfort him in that moment, when they all know the reality of what just happened.

The horrible weight of the sacrifice Magnus made for them.

For him.

“Alec…” Jace speaks first, his voice quiet and rough, choked with barely hidden emotion at the sight of his brother like this.

Alec doesn’t look up at them. He doesn’t see Clary’s own arm reach around Jace to comfort him as he comforts Alec, or the panicked look asking for help that Jace shoots at her over Alec’s head. But Clary can’t make Jace feel any better about this situation with a touch as much as Jace can’t for Alec, and Isabelle is at just as much of a loss as the other three.

It’s Alec who speaks next.

“He’s gone.”

Alec looks down, unable to lift his head, only to catch sight of the glimpse of silver on his left hand that wasn’t there mere minutes ago. He brings his right hand over to touch it, fingers resting on either side to twist it ever so slightly in place, not wanting to risk it falling off and certainly not daring to remove it entirely. The cold metal beneath his fingertips grounds him.

His gaze finally lifts back up to where the rift in the sky was, but no longer is. The last traces of Magnus’ magic fade from the sky but the ring on his finger still feels warm with the the undercurrent of it.

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Isabelle says with a squeeze of pressure on his shoulder.

“Me too,” Clary adds. “What he did…” her voice trails off, unable to find the words. She tries again. “Are you alr–?” but winces, cutting herself off. “Of course you aren’t. I’m sorry…”

“What can we do?” Jace cuts her off, thankfully. Alec would never fault her for just trying to help, for trying to comfort him, but she was digging herself a pretty deep hole the longer she spoke and he doesn’t think he’s in the frame of mind not to snap at her if she says the wrong thing.

“What do you need?” Isabelle asks.

The questions are exactly what he expects from his siblings. They know him - they know that he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, but rather the problem at hand and fixing as much as possible as quickly as possible. Alec’s always been a doer: he doesn’t want to talk about why he feels helpless, he wants to find out how to stop feeling that way.

He has to.

“I don’t know.” And it’s true. For the first time in a very long time, he has to plan. No strategy. He closes his eyes and instead of the perfect course of action manifesting behind his eyelids all he sees is a dark void.

“What Magnus did - it saved all of us. We can take care of the demons that are left without any more taking their place.” Jace hesitates, considering his next words carefully, before adding them. “You know as well as I do that if he stayed he just would’ve died along with us.”

It’s blunt, but that was always the way they got through to one another in moments like these. Honesty, however painful, to put the situation into perspective. It’s exactly the sort of thought that snaps Alec out of his previous wallowing haze.

He knows he can’t stay on the ground forever and leans back onto the balls of his feet before pushing himself upright. Jace and Izzy’s hands never leave his shoulders, supporting him when he gives the slightest waver on the way up.

There are still fresh tears escaping no matter how hard he tries to keep them back, and the moment Isabelle catches sight of them she wraps her arms around him and buries her head into his chest, dampening his shirt with her own tears. He resists for just a moment or two before ducking his head down, burying it in the soft, floral scent of her hair, taking comfort in it as the air around them fills with smoke and ichor.

Izzy’s just as tough as he and Jace are - more so, probably, though you’d rarely think to realize it, because where her brothers remain stubbornly stoic she always knows the exact moment to drop the facade and let some of those emotions through. This is exactly what Alec does. He was trying to control it, trying to keep the worst of it at bay so he could stand up and snap himself right back into dealing with the problem at hand. Except the problem at hand, for him, is no longer just the demons in Alicante.

His problem is the whole of Edom and the fiance he has trapped there. And it feels so much more important than cleaning up this mess even though he knows it shouldn’t.

So he gives in to Izzy, indulging the both of them by allowing himself this moment to properly break down now that Magnus is gone and no other Shadowhunters are in sight besides the four of them. Jace wraps an arm around them from the side, and Alec’s breathing steadies with the comforting pressure of his siblings’ arms around him.

They only break off of him when he shifts himself back and forth a bit to signal he wants to move again. His eyes are still wet, the skin around them red, but no new tears fall. His shoulders rise and fall with slightly strained breaths, but no longer shudder with sobs.

“You’re going to be alright, Alec. We’re here for you.” Jace promises, and while Alec isn’t so sure about the first part he doesn’t doubt the second part for a moment.

“Thank you,” he says, knowing the words aren’t enough. But just as much as Izzy and Jace are finding it impossible to find the right words to comfort him after his boyfriend sealed himself into the demonic realm, Alec finds it impossible to find the words to thank any comfort offered to him that isn’t Magnus back in front of him. He can’t process that he’s gone despite saying the words earlier. He can’t accept that this is it, that this is the only way to close and hold the breach.

“We’ll get him back, Alec. Don’t worry.”

His head snaps over at Clary’s words. She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand how these things work, still new and learning about the Shadow World despite all the power and influence she has over it. He knows he can’t blame her for realizing that Magnus can’t just portal back from this without the rift re-opening behind him, but he does. For a moment, he starts to get angry.

“It isn’t that simple, Clary-” Jace starts to explain, but Alec cuts him off.

“Just because you keep showing up and waving your stele around with today’s latest Mystery Rune to fix whatever problem–” but the words stop themselves short. He thinks of her rune to summon Lilith from Edom. He thinks of her portal rune. Of her resurrection rune. He thinks of every rune Clary’s ever been given a vision of that seemed impossible at the time…

…and for the first time since Magnus left, he thinks there might actually be a way to get him back.

“Sorry. I-” Alec starts, but Clary’s already shaking her head dismissively.

“It’s fine,” Clary says, meeting his gaze hesitantly. “If it wasn’t for me, you could’ve stopped Jonathan sooner. And I helped him get the sword, and now…” she sighs. “I’m going to help you fix this. Whatever it takes, alright?”

They’re looking out at the demons still attacking in droves, but Alec knows when Clary looks back at him with the smallest nod of a promise that she isn’t just talking about helping him rid Alicante of the demons.

Alec nods back.

“Let’s go. We have work to do.”

And this time when his hand reaches over to touch the ring on his finger, it doesn’t flood him with the sorrow of loss, but rather a spark of hope that courses through him like magic, fueling his first determined steps forward out of the room.

#alec lightwood #clary fray #jace herondale #isabelle lightwood #shfanficnexus #shadowhunters #malec #I accidentally got a bit too into Alec's head and a bit less with the actual comfort bits SORRY #his thoughts always run away from me once I get going jdfoashjaskld #but I hope you like it!!#elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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