#5. Picture of a moon and I think two stars or maybe planets or something near it? :0

[icewindandboringhorror]

misc photo diary stuff.. also this unintentionally all matches sort of lol.. warm toned photos?

[cienie-isengardu]

Episode I: Journal of Anakin Skywalker by Todd Stasser

I also had a secret. But mine was private. It had to do with the dreams I had. My dreams were different from the dreams of other kids I knew. Take my friends Kitster and Seek, for instance. They both wanted to be pilots like me. But they dreamed of leaving Tatooine forever and never coming back. I dreamed about leaving, too. But I would come back. As a Jedi Knight. I dreamed about leading a slave rebellion here on Tatooine. I dreamed of holding a lightsaber, and of driving every last Hutt, criminal, and bounty hunter off this planet. But I had another secret as well. A dark secret. It was about the way my dreams always ended. It was a secret that frightened me, one I could never tell.

Star Wars Episode I Adventures #5: The Ghostling Children by Dave Wolverton

He stopped at a pile where an old Jawa silently leaned on a crooked stick. Its gloves were wrapped around the staff.

At its feet was an odd assortment of items - shiny blue stones from the edge of the Dune Sea, polished bones of Krayt dragons, a rope woven from bark. Among some pieces from old blasters Anakin noticed a very strange cube that looked to be far, far older than any piece of equipment that Anakin had ever seen.

He picked it up. The cube was small enough to fit in the palm of his hand, like a large dice. Intricate designs showed on its face, but the designs were so worn that they could hardly be recognized.

On one side of the cube, it looked like a picture of two Jedi Knights, fighting with lightsabers.

Another side of the cube showed a volcano. A third side was so worn that he couldn't tell if it had ever had a picture. A fourth side revealed a star map, with instructions on how to land on a certain moon. The fifth side was also worn smooth. A last side showed a lamp with a knife blade through it, the symbol of forbidden knowledge. All along every corner of the cube was writing in some language that he couldn't decipher.

Anakin imagined that tens of thousands of people must have touched this cube over hundreds or thousands of years.

He hefted the cube, thinking that it was some sort of storage container. But it was so light that it had to be empty.

Yet, when he squinted, he could feel… well, there was something inside. Something … evil.

The cube had no latches on the outside, no locks or hinges that he could see. Anakin could almost imagine that the cube wasn't a box at all, but some component to a machine whose purpose was forgotten ages and ages past.

"For you, very cheap," the old Jawa said to Anakin.

"What?" Anakin asked haltingly. The Jawan language was very hard to understand.

"Very cheap."

"But I don't want it," Anakin said. "I was just looking." He glanced toward home. It was getting late.

"Three wupiupi," the Jawa offered, twisting the knob of his cane. It was exactly the amount that Anakin had in his pocket.

"No," Anakin said. "I don't even know what it is."

"Three wupiupi is a small price to pay for knowledge," the old Jawa said. Under his gray-black hood, the Jawa's eyes gleamed.

"No," Anakin said. He started to put the cube down, but couldn't. What if it really was evil? What if it was dangerous - like a bomb or something? By just leaving it, he could be setting a trap for some unsuspecting person. It really was better to take the thing. Maybe Watto would know what it was.

In the deepening shadows, he took out his last three credits and handed them over to the Jawa.

Star Wars Episode I Adventures #6: The Hunt for Anakin Skywalker by Dave Wolverton

Anakin rolled over on his bed and felt the strange cube in his pocket. He took it out and laid it in the cubbyhole above his headboard.

He fell asleep with his clothes on.

In a dream, he was in a huge room, shouting for help. He banged on the walls, trying to get out. He thought it might be Gardulla's fortress, but the high walls were square, and the roof had no transparent dome overhead. He wasn't at Gardulla's. He was inside the cube!

He could see no doors or windows, no way to escape his prison. "Help me!" he cried. "Help me get free!" He pounded on walls of cool gray metal.

"No one can help you," an evil voice whispered. "No one can help you. You must open the cube!"

"How?" he shouted. "How do I open it?"

"From the inside," the mysterious voice whispered.

Anakin started, found himself awake on his bed. It was late at night. The mysterious voice was ringing in his ears, and his heart was pounding.

He'd heard the voice, he felt sure. It wasn't a dream. It had been too real to be a dream.

But in the darkness he couldn't detect any movement nearby. No one was in the room with him, hovering above his bed.

From memory, Anakin tried to recall where the sound had come from.

The voice had spoken to him from above his bed, he was sure. It had come from the cubbyhole.

He reached up, felt for the strange cube that lay there. He grasped it in the dark and felt its square edges. Somehow, he was disappointed. He'd thought that maybe it would have opened itself, like a flower blooming. But it was still closed.

"Did you say something?" he whispered to the cube. "Did you talk to me? Are you trapped in there?"

He listened hard, and this time he thought maybe he could hear the voice answer. Or maybe it was more of a feeling that there was an answer. Yes. I called to you.

"How can I let you out?" Anakin whispered.

From the inside, the voice seemed to whisper.

Anakin held the box up and squinted at it. He wasn't sure if he really felt an answer. Was it possible that he could open the box, that he could find a way to open it from the inside?

And if so, what would the box contain? A tiny alien perhaps, some creature so small that it could live for a thousand years trapped in that box, trying to get out.

It seemed only barely possible.

I'm going crazy, Anakin thought. That is what's giving me these dreams. I'm caught in a trap, and Pala and all my friends with me. No wonder I'm dreaming about being trapped inside of boxes.

Yet even as he considered these doubts, he noticed that the cube was warmer than the night air, as if it generated a tiny amount of heat.

Live creatures give off heat, he realized.

Rogue Planet by Greg Bear

Anakin dreaded sleep. It seemed, in his dreams, that something inside was testing him, something very strong, and it did not care whether it was loved or feared.

***

"I seek to escape pain," Anakin said. "My mother-"

Mace lifted his hand, and Anakin instantly fell silent. "Pain can be our greatest teacher," Mace said, barely above a whisper. "Why turn away from pain?"

"It… it is my strength. This I see."

"That is not correct," Obi-Wan said, placing his hand on Anakin's shoulder. The boy looked between them, confused.

"How is it wrong, teacher?" Mace asked Obi-Wan.

"Lean upon pain like a crutch and you create anger and a dark fear of truth," Obi-Wan said. "Pain guides, but it does not support."

Anakin cocked his head to one side. He seemed slight and even insubstantial among these Jedi Knights, all this overwhelming experience. His face collapsed in misery. "My most useful talents are not those of a Jedi."

"Indeed, you throw your spirit and your anguish into ma chines and useless competitions, rather than directly confronting your feelings," Mace said. "You have cluttered our Temple halls with droids. I stumble over them. But we are away from the crux of our present matter. Try again to explain your error."

Anakin shook his head, caught between stubbornness and tears. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Mace took a shallow breath and closed his eyes. "Look inward, Anakin."

"I don't want to," Anakin said breathlessly, his voice jerking. "I don't like what I see."

"Is it possible you see nothing more than the tensions of approaching adulthood?" Mace asked.

"No!" Anakin cried. "I see … too much, too much."

"Too much what?"

"I burn like a sun inside!" The boy's voice rang out in the chamber like a bell.

***

Anakin felt as if he were inside a gigantic colony of myrmins.

Then he felt the voices of the seeds. They are afraid. The heat is baking them. Their shells are crisping.

Most of the heat rose in rippling sheets of air, but as the fuel blazed and embers settled out, the seeds were being roasted like sugar hulls in a campfire.

Perversely, Anakin shivered as if with cold.

Obi-Wan put an arm around his shoulders. Anakin saw that his master's face was beaded with sweat. He, too, could feel the seeds in the fire.

"Something wrong?" Vagno asked, his face glinting and flowing in the yellow light from fire, as if he were part of the blaze, a stray ember given human shape. He walked around them critically.

"We're fine," Obi-Wan said.

But Anakin did not feel fine. He wanted to curl up and hide, or run, but he knew the seeds no longer had legs, no way of escaping, even if they wanted to.

"I've never lost a client. No fear, no fear," Vagno said.

The seeds were afraid but did not move under their burden of embers and flame. Theirs was courage, and also an awareness of fate or destiny.

The seeds were not nearly as intelligent as a human-they did not really think for themselves-but inside of each was the potential for awareness and intelligence. The fire was bringing that awareness to the fore.

This will happen to you.

Anakin gasped. He was not dreaming.

This is your destiny, your fate.

Obi-Wan had said nothing. Anakin knew where the voice was coming from, whom it belonged to, but could not believe what he knew.

There will be heat and death and resurrection. A seed will quicken. Will it burn or shine'? Will it think and create or be ruled by fear and destroy?

And then the voice fell silent.

Obi-Wan's arm tightened around Anakin, as if he would protect the boy. "The wave is not what we expected," he said.

Anakin stared into the flames, his inmost self suddenly calm. The seeds were changing. They were no longer afraid.

Clone Wars (2003)

Anakin's Vision on Nelvaan

The Clone Wars (2008)

Anakin's Vision on Mortis

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Some Disney schedule-centric stuff... (Yes, I'm still mad at 'em about the MOON GIRL thing.)

ICE AGE 6 has been put on the calendar, for real. An actual concrete date. Funnily enough, the first movie in that series to be a Christmastime release.

It has kicked an untitled STAR WARS movie out of December 18, 2026. A Fox for a Fox.

And to be honest, I didn't think Disney would succeed in releasing *two* STAR WARS features in 2026, only the May release THE MANDALORIAN & GROGU. The other movie, which could or could've been the Rey movie that they announced a little while back, is what got booted. Maybe it moves to December 17, 2027, another slot Disney staked out for a STAR WARS movie. Maybe not, now that there's talks of a new trilogy being fired up. I wonder if the "Rey 15 Years Later" movie just gets worked into EPISODE X.

Speaking of Disney's release schedule:

A game of chicken that I continue to have my eyes on...

Pixar's new original picture ELIO vs. the live-action remake of HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON.

New images from said remake are out now, and they seem to confirm that this live-action take isn't going to be a new adaptation of the original HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON book series by Cressida Cowell, it instead looks to be a shot-for-shot remake of the 2010 animated DreamWorks movie... From one of its own directors, no less, Dean DeBlois. Who was outspoken about how he wasn't too fond of these kinds of remakes, but, I guess he's gotta jumpstart his live-action career some way? MICRONAUTS didn't work out.

(Idk, maybe parts of it are the 2010 movie, and there's plenty of new crap, but we'll see.)

Anyways, that *might* be a problem for ELIO if audiences are down for the same HTTYD but more gray and more boring-looking. And I think they will be, because most of these remakes do pretty well at the box office. In the post-COVID outbreak era, the sole theatrical release original Pixar movie was ELEMENTAL (not counting tiny later theater runs of the three films sent straight to D+ at first), and that opened w/ $29m. Despite legging it worldwide to near $500m, Disney heads still considered it a failure after the fact. It's all why Disney heads are mandating Pixar to put the lid on "autobiographical" movies. ELIO has got a lot on it shoulders, for sure. It's already a film that changed directors after animation production began, at that. I'd imagine that ballooned its budget.

With Disney Animation's MOANA 2 around the corner, I expect a trailer for the now-revised movie to pop up soon. A new logo for it and some stuff was shown at the Brazilian D23 Expo recently, so yeah.

But is releasing it against a remake of a family film classic a good idea?

Disney has a bunch of summer dates locked, too.

Imagine if they swaperoo'ed w/ live-action LILO & STITCH (5/23/2025), the original also being directed by Dean DeBlois alongside Chris Sanders (much like DRAGON), and that went head to head with DRAGON. Unlikely, lol.

I suppose Pixar could trade Marvel, though Marvel always does the first weekend of May. And putting THUNDERBOLTS* in mid-June puts it closer to FANTASTIC 4: FIRST STEPS (7/25/2025). Unless one of those Marvel movies vacates and goes to autumn, and something like PREDATOR: BADLANDS moves up. Doubt it, though, it's in post right now, filming wrapped a month ago. Or if THUNDERBOLTS* went to April. Disney/20th has THE AMATEUR there already, that was already delayed to begin with.

ELIO could also move back a day, move forward a day. Back's probably better, so DRAGON can get its head start, instead of ELIO getting out and then being overshadowed by DRAGON.

Maybe this is all moot, and it'll be a nice case where both movies co-exist and make a profit, haha. A real planets-aligning moment.

I guess Disney will stay the course, maybe they have faith in it, maybe they don't... I do not know, I'm not a fly on the wall there, but I wouldn't keep it there myself. Universal could also blink, but I don't see them doing that at the moment.

We shall see...

[ermine-57047]

THICKETY MUTUAL NUMBER 1 SAME FOR YOU YOU ANSWER WHATEVEE YIU LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT CHOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Fining out and coming to terms with the fact that I'm not cis, het, or nt

2.show us a picture of your handwriting?

It's okay, but far from neat.

3.3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

A) The Princess Bride

B) Encanto

C) Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks

4.what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

"I'M GONNA EAT A CANDLE!"

5.what made you start your blog?

Watched a bit too much PMSeymour :›

6.what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

Trying not to stumble into discourse

7.what scares you the most and why?

My loved ones leaving/hating me. I get very emotionally attached to people so if that were to happen it would be like having a nerve severed.

8.any reacquiring dreams?

No, I don't often dream.

9.tell a story about your childhood

One time I was hanging out with my cousins and I accidentally said something that hurt Cousin A's feelings. Her younger brother said I wasn't their cousin anymore and I cried lol.

10.would you say you’re an emotional person?

YES.

11.what do you consider to be romance?

Two people who are romantically attracted to each other.

12.what’s some good advice you want to share?

That when it comes to anything in life, it's only your first time once. Props to my awesome aunt who came up w/ that.

13.what are you doing right now?

Typing on my phone with my tablet laptop open in front of me with no windows open on it.

14.what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Paragliding.

15.what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

Warmth. My favorite people. A cozy house in a small mountain village. A place where everyone is accepting and friendly. Cuddles. Music. Singing. Baking food. A feeling of true belonging. A place that is not where I currently am. Rainclouds.

16.if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I want a deeper voice. Not too much deeper, I just wanna be able to reach those few low notes in the songs I like :3. Contralto voice range.

17.name 3 things that make you happy

A) My partner❤❤❤

B) Making some sort of music, whether it's singing or messing around on my various instruments!

C) My bestie @voidgremlin2electricboogaloo 💛💛💛❤❤❤

18.do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

I'm impartial to the belief in such things.

19.favourite thing about the day?

Blue hour. When the sun has gone over the horizon and cast a soothing blue light on everything.

20.favourite things about the night?

Moon n stars n planets.

21.are you a spiritual person?

Not really.

22.say 3 things about someone you love

A) You have pretty eyes

B) You are one of the best things that's happened to me

C) P..Pwetty person,,,

23.say 3 things about someone you hate

(I do not really hate anyone so i just generally dislike them)

A) You're a goddamn coward

B) You're a f*cking liar

C) Please continue to leave [irl friend] the hell alone

24.what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Becoming more confident in myself, also my improvement when it comes to my handwriting

25.fave season and why?

Fall. I love cloudyrainy days

26.fave colour and why?

I like dark teal/turquoise. Cool colors beloved.

27.any nicknames?

Rainy! I really like being called Rainy!!!

28.do you collect anything?

Aluminum can tabs :)

29.what do you do when you’re sad?

Sing, talk to my partner/friends, and watch my fav media!

30.what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

My fav people giving me affection and support, or just them in general

31.are you messy or organised?

M E S S Y

32.how many tabs do you have open right now?

I'm on my phone rn and tumblr is the only app that is open rn.

33.any hobbies?

Guitar, Volleyball, Photography

34.any pet peeves?

When people pronounce the "ing" in a word like "een". Drives me up the frickin wallhhh. Also people saying caramel like "carmul". Thats. Thats an entirely different word. Please.

35.do you trust easily?

Yes, for the most part, unfortunately ;_;.

36.are you an open book or do you have walls up?

I am in a lot of cases an open book.

37.share a secret

A person i knew in third grade had to move to our school bc her dad's identity was stolen

38.fave song at the moment?

There are multiple.

1) Reckless Battery Burns-Ghost and Pals

2) Arbitrary Sermon-Monstrosity

3) Happy Days-Ghost and Pals

39.youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Not really anyone. I do enjoy Wendigoon's content though because his voice is nice to listen to and he covers interesting topics.

40.any bad habits?

There are many.

A) Picking at my acne

B) Staying up later than I should

C) Saying I forgot to do something I didn't have enough executive function to do(well this one is kinda justified bc my mom is,,, difficult, when it comes to me Not Being Able To Do Things Because Of Executive Dysfunction. She can't really seem to understand that I'm unable to just "buckle down" and do something i don't have the exec function spoons to do.s o- i do it because of that)

[softykooky]

finite.

☆summary:  it is august and taehyung asks you who you would want to be if you could restart this life. you two are finite lovers in an infinite universe. 1.7k words. 

☆genre: established relationship, semi-angst, fluff, college!taehyung, college!reader

☆pairing: kim taehyung x reader

☆author’s note: something short and sweet to get me out of my funk, and i thought i would share it with you! let me know what you think, and thank you always for your kindness. 

       You met Taehyung in the spring. A connoisseur of baskin robbins ice cream flavors, and had such a zest for life you wondered if he was ever apathetic of the sun, for it never shone as bright as him. He had been fighting a dog in the park. In his defense, the stick he had found was absolutely prime for building a bridge across the creek and there was no other one like it. He found it first, and still thanks you from time to time for defending him against that greedy puppy. You had played together until the sunset and your parents called you back, exchanging names and promising to meet back there the next day. 

       He was so young, then, that it aches your heart to look back at the pictures and see a childlike face staring back at you. Free of the smile lines he’s accumulated through the years, and features softer than they are now. He’s still young now. Just a little more grown. A little more broken and a little less oblivious. But he is your Taehyung, and it’s summer now, yet the stars still shine in his eyes like the spring day you met him.

       Tomorrow, there is an airplane that leaves at dawn for London and a train that leaves at dusk for New York. They travel in opposite poles. You wonder if there will be an extra seat beside his on the plane, in case you change your mind at the last minute and decide to abandon your train ticket to follow him wherever he may lead. Taehyung would never let you, though. He says your dreams are far too important to be impeded by someone like him. The university is waiting for you, and his internship is waiting for him. 

       For tonight, though, you don’t want to think about the distance between the two of you. For tonight, you’re not leaving each other to chase uncertain dreams. Just two bright-eyed lovers sitting on the hood of a car on the outskirts of an airport terminal, watching them catapult to the sky at hundreds of miles an hour and disappear among the stars. 

       “Who do you want to be if we could restart our lives?” 

       The night sky overhead is forgiving. The clouds had drifted away to reveal to two lovers, a scape of twinkling stars and the roundest moon you had ever seen. You juggled his question around in your mind, keeping your eyes on the sky and your hands wrapped tightly around his. Who did you want to be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? 

       It’s a little cold. The wind blows through the creases of your arms and legs and cools the sweat. You can feel his even breathing next to you. The rhythmic up and down of his chest. How he avoids looking at you in fear that when you glance into his eyes, you will see the way his heart is breaking.

       “I think I might want to be everything.”

       He giggles at your response. 

       “You can’t be everything, Y/N. Pick one.” Taehyung pulls you closer. Skin to skin, and heart to heart.

       “Maybe reincarnate as a bird and fly and fly until my wings can’t hold up the weight of the wind?” 

       Your involuntary smile stretches the skin of your lips as you stand up from the hood, flinging your arms out as if they were wings. The breeze blows under them. Taehyung laughs at your childlike nature and you swear the sound makes the stars shine a tad bit brighter.

        “Oh! How about an astronaut on a 900 year mission and I discover a new planet outside of the Milky Way? One small step for man…” You turn around and lock eyes with Taehyung. 

       He joins your juvenile daydream. “One giant leap for mankind.” Chuckles bubble from both your chests, and he holds both your hands, twirling in circles on the lawn.

       “Or I could be a suave Hollywood actress, and break the record for most academy awards. Maybe 500 of them.” You know the two of you are being too loud and raucous. But there’s something about a cool summer night that makes a person want to abandon inhibition and just live. Taehyung erupts in innocent laughter. 

       “Y/N, you couldn’t even lie to your mom when I asked you to sneak out past curfew with me last week.” 

       You roll your eyes playfully, punching him in the shoulder which he responds far too dramatically, nursing his fatal wound as if you had just shot him. You realize you haven’t stopped smiling since the conversation started and your cheeks are starting to ache. 

       “I’ll kiss it better.”

Taehyung melts into you when you put your lips on his, feeling the curve of his pout against your own. His hands are on the small of your back and he pushes you close to him. Closer. It feels as it always does. Like honey in hot tea or the way chocolate melts into syrupy sweetness if you leave it under your tongue. Like Taehyung. There is no sound outside of the chirping of crickets and two hearts that seem to beat in tandem. The kiss is bittersweet, though. You both know once the sun rises tomorrow, you won’t be able feel this love anymore in its physical form.

       Taehyung’s smile drops once you pull away, eyes solemnly falling to the ground but hands still gripped onto your’s, as if he’s afraid you will disappear if he doesn’t hold on tightly enough. Like he wants to memorize the feeling of your small hand in his before he leaves. You don’t want to be sad tonight.

        “Hm....I think maybe the queen of England. I’d make it a requirement to always have a cupcake at your disposal, at any given moment of the day.” 

       He throws his head back to face the sky and roars in laughter, the image of you being a monarch and bossing everyone around to entertain him. You reflect his happiness. The conversation circles around like that, as the two of you think of as many lives to live and people to be if this were another dimension, and you could restart. A scientist who figures out how to harvest stars and store the light of the moon. The president of the United States. A jellyfish in the Atlantic Ocean who lazes in a coral reef. A rock at the top of Mount Everest. 

       Under the moonlight, you wonder what nation you had saved in your past life so that you could meet Kim Taehyung. So that you could grow up beside him and fall in love with him and hold him like it’s the only thing your arms were made to do. 

       Under the moonlight, Taehyung wonders if your souls had been the same one, separated by space and time and now reunited again. He stares at you as you ramble on about all the imaginary and impossible things you wanted to be in a different life, and there is lovesick in his eyes. You are oblivious, of course. So Taehyung just continues to admire you. 

       “What about you, Tae?” The nickname sounds so sweet when it slips off your tongue. 

       Your question catches him off guard and he realizes that even though he had asked you this, he had no idea of his own answer. When thinking about his life on a whim, Taehyung is surprised when his mind is only filled with you. Your toothy grin. The cascading wave of your hair. The curve of your hips that imitate Grecian marble cut statues and the freckles on your skin that stir envy in Andromeda’s constellations. He knows his answer. Yet bites his tongue.

       “I’m not sure. I think I’d want to be a merman, and figure out how you would pee with a fish tail.” 

       “Are you serious? Mermen pee how normal fish pee.” 

       “How the heck do normal fish pee?!”

       The rest of your rambling fades away from Taehyung’s mind and blends into white noise. He just leans back against the hood of the car, arms folded over his chest and utter fondness in his gaze. Your words drone and all he can hear is the sound of his own heart that knocks against the walls of his chest to remind him of something that he already knows to be true. He loves you. Irrevocably and unapologetically. 

       Taehyung pulls you by the arm and cradles you to his chest, tucking your head under his chin. He sways you both to the melody of summer cicadas and a humming wind. The sky is a cloudless romance of supposed shooting stars that may just have been a trick of the light. Or a stray airplane. But it’s enough for him to make a wish. He won’t tell you what it is, though, in case it doesn’t come true. 

      To answer your question, in another lifetime, he would want to be him again. And he’d want you to be you again. So that he could meet you again, and love you again. In this alternate dimension, he’d want to take you to an airport terminal on an August evening again, and hear you tell him all the things you want to be. But if you are either a common passerby or the queen of England, it wouldn’t matter to him. His soul would still love you all the same. 

       Taehyung leaves the next morning. When the sun has barely even risen and your lips are bruised from kissing him goodbye so many times. Your arms are sore from holding him so tightly, body subconsciously screaming at you to not let him go because this is the boy that has your heart and he's taking it with him. He wipes your tears when you cry and tucks his face into the crook of your neck to hide his own tears from the world. Taehyung’s plane takes off at 5:31am from the tarmac and as you stare at the piece of your heart that leaves you, you wonder if there are two lovers parked outside the terminal to watch him disappear into the clouds. If they are as devastatingly in love as you are.

       He had told you he wants you to move on. London was too far away from New York and you two were never good with distance. Love stretches too thin across the Atlantic ocean. But even if you died and came back to life in a different form, you doubt that it’s physically possible for you to move on from the likes of Kim Taehyung.  

       So even if the two of you were only finite hearts in an infinite universe, and only first loves in one lifetime. It’s enough for you. You rethink your answer to his question the night before. Maybe you wouldn’t want to be the queen of England or a jellyfish. You’d want Taehyung to be Taehyung. And you’d want you to be you. So that you could meet him again. And you would love him again. 

[stellarcat52]

Timeless blue Chapter six

Set my soul on fire, this ended up longer than planned. Also, it’s my first entirely original chapter for this?? Everything else had elements from canon?? But this doesn’t?? So sorry if it’s garbage?? Anyway, there was a totally different planned path here but like hell I can write kiss scenes so... sorry. (Trust me, it’s better this way.)

Returning to Camelot with Excalibur fixed, a shadow mage now in training, a false knight wielding a sea monster tooth, and a once-blue Akiridion Royal turned dark gray, was not the highlight of the forty-eight hours after the quest.

It was around midnight, everyone had gone off to do their own thing whether it be sleep, get drunk, or talk with the past self of one of your friends, or so Douxie thought. His memory wasn’t changing though, not majorly. He remembered seeing their small party come back, hearing the cheers from Arthur’s closest knights, the ruckus caused by Steve’s drunken songs, but not Krel. No talks after sundown, just the jealousy of being left behind.

And... as it happened to both of them, the knocking on the door of Hisirdoux Casperan. Hisirdoux, unaware that Krel would not be the one holding a conversation with him tonight, and Douxie, aware of the possible regret he would feel after his past self opened the door.

“Oh.” Hisirdoux was beyond freaking out over seeing himself, so he gestured for Douxie to enter.

Hisirdoux knew he shouldn’t ask for spoilers in their life, he’s had enough just by meeting the people he would eventually call friends, but he was tempted.

“You should go talk to him, find him...” Hisirdoux blinked. “Krel, the blue one. The one you’ve been trying to flirt with.”

“Our boyfriend? Why don’t you?”

Douxie goes through a series of expressions, surprise, augh, err, and finally settling on speaking. “He’s not our boyfriend, not in the future I know. I only really spoke with him after the whole time travel mix up. Before that, I barely knew him as a person, and I’m not really sure he would have been able to remember my name.”

“So, my flirting...”

“Helped me realize he’s exactly my-our... type. Which is why I think you should be the one to talk with him. I didn’t want to bring up what happened on the way back here from the lake. But he isn’t okay.” Douxie leaned against the door, “he needs someone.”

Hisirdoux couldn’t understand what was happening. But honestly, he didn’t want to see it continue. “Then go. We’re the same person, but you have a chance of staying by his side longer. And if he’s not our boyfriend now, there’s still a chance after you get back to your present for that to change. I don’t think a relationship between two people hundreds of years apart will work as well as we want it to.”

Douxie wanted to argue, but as he opened his mouth to say no, he remembered the vivid counter arguments going through his head that moment. “Okay! Fine.” He raises his hands in surrender. “But you’re gonna have to go through this too one day.”

“Yeah yeah, now go make sure I’m not single for my entire life.”

Hisirdoux shared a somewhat sad smile with his future self, kinda wishing he didn’t have to wait nine hundred years to be with the prince. He was left alone until Archie flew in through the window, landing on his shoulder and earning scratches under his chin.

———

Douxie found the gray prince in a garden hidden away near the castle, Krel’s alchemic books and outfit nowhere in sight. The wizard’s heart wrenches as he notices what’s in Krel’s hand.

A phone.

Krel’s phone, with pictures of friends and family and experimental music, with memories. He was using the device needed to change to his human form to charge his phone.

Douxie felt bad for interrupting, despite the lack of a second party. He stood by the stone wall for a minute, until he noticed that Krel was looking at him.

The light of the phone had faded, Douxie must have shown up in the reflection because as he was taking a moment to glance at the stars and moon, Krel had turned to face him.

Krel stayed silent as Douxie asked to join him on the surprisingly soft grass. He realized why when Krel’s broken voice barely overwhelmed the night’s crickets. “What happened to me..?” The phone clicks on to show it’s background, Krel and Aja in their Akiridion forms, Steve was being kissed on the cheek by Aja and Eli was trying to keep his full face in view. Probably one of the last pictures they took together before Aja and Eli went to Akiridion-5, and yet it seemed so happy and full of energy and light.

“We’ll get home, I promise, Krel.” Douxie shifted a little, finding it more comfortable to sit cross-legged rather than with his knees to his chest like Krel was doing.

“And this whole disaster? The world’s ending, and I’m not even sure my family would recognize me.” Krel’s sets of arms were wrapped around himself, he was looking at the gray skin that once glowed blue like his sister’s, and his parent’s, and everyone else he had grown up with and who he shared a planet with for his entire life.

“Hey.” Douxie watched tears bubble up in the corners of Krel’s eyes before he hid his face away in his knees. “Anyone would need to be blind to think you’re anyone but the amazing Prince Krel Tarron, master tech genius and Guardian of Arcadia. We’ll work through this. We’ll save the world and I promise you, if you want it, I’ll help you find a way back to your normal blue color. Okay?”

Douxie awkwardly moves to high Krel, but decides against it as Krel peeks over at him. “I was scared. Claire was scared of corrupting herself, but in that void...” Krel hugs himself tighter. “When this happened to me... I was scared. I saw you guys fighting, and I couldn’t think logically and I couldn’t focus on anything but you.”

“Me?” Douxie’s eyes were wide, and he would be surprised later as the Akiridion didn’t notice the small blush growing between his ears. “Like the group in general or me specifically?”

“The group.” Douxie’s blush grew out of pure embarrassment. “But when you said my name, I stopped being scared and I just wanted to say ‘I’m here’.” Krel’s head leaves his lap entirely, meeting Douxie eye to eye, and freezing for a second. “And then I was, and..” Krel’s voice was breaking again.

“And it was scary again?”

“No...” Krel cracks a small smile, “Thank you. I didn’t say it earlier, but you brought me back.”

“I’m not the one who did anything there. You just appeared in a blob of black bubbles, like they appeared and faded away as well, you.”

“Was it magic?” Krel‘s mismatched eyes flickered from Douxie’s face to the grass between them.

Douxie nodded without a second thought. “Shadow magic.”

“I think I knew that already.” Krel’s eyes settled on the grass for a minute before Douxie starts speaking again.

“Magic is terrifying, I was lucky to get my hands on this cuff, I have heard of wizards who were caught and killed just because they couldn’t restrict their magic before they gained control of it. Even restrained, it takes years to master. One wrong spell and you blow up something important or create an infinite hallway instead of levitating something.” That earned a small laugh from Krel. “The point is, if you have magic, the only way to stop fearing it is to learn how to control it. Who knows? Maybe creating a portal will zap the magic out of you and everything will go back to normal.” Now Krel was fully smiling again.

Douxie stands up to leave, about to say goodnight when Krel reaches out and pulls him in for a hug. He hugs back, and lets go once the Akiridion seems done. “Thank you.” Krel whispers in Douxie’s ear before taking a half step backwards. A pale glue glow was shining through the gray, straight from the royal’s core.

“Do you want to try using magic? I’ll be right here if anything goes wrong.” Douxie suggested, lighting up his cuff with a quick tap.

Krel thought back to when Claire used magic for the first time, and without answering Douxie a swirling orb of black and teal energy envelops him.

Douxie doesn’t think, he jumps into the orb and meets the uncontrolled shadows beyond it. Meteors fly past him and Krel’s gray body is hardly visible right in front of him. Their hands meet, Douxie pulling them away from Krel’s chest.

“Breathe. Can you create another portal to get us home?” Krel shook his head, trying to pull his hands back to his chest. “You’ve broken the laws of physics before, remember? You’re strong and smart and you are in control of this.”

Krel’s eyes look up to see Douxie’s again. His mouth opens, moves, but no sound travels through the space between them.

Douxie tries to read his lips, only half catching the sentence. “You.” Being the last word, and the only one he was sure of. His eyed unfocus, and he blinks his eyes open. The swirling sphere stands before him, solid as rock, the dull pain on his forehead tells what happened. Could Krel hear him in there?

“Krel!”

The orb shatters and Douxie finds Krel standing in front of him. The teal color had returned to his form, a single gray vein like line the only remaining oddity.

Krel blinked, he had heard Douxie call out again, and focused on that, well, the memory. Of leaving the void the first time in the cave of the lady of the lake.

“Is it gone?”

Krel focusing for a second, a miniature swirling portal appearing in his left hand. “No.”

Douxie grins as soon as he realizes that Krel is smiling. “You’re gonna be alright now.”

Krel nods, looking at his arms with that grin Douxie only remembered from when Krel thought he had cracked magic for the first time. That thrill of experimentation gone right.

His past self might be upset later, but Douxie chose to stand up and motion towards the castle. “I’m going to sleep, I think you should too.”

Krel’s smile dropped, but he got up too and started heading inside, much slower than Douxie knew he was capable of.

“Krel?” Douxie stayed next to him, wondering what was wrong all of a sudden.

“I was hoping... we could still talk?” Krel requested, causing a smile from both of them.

Douxie glanced at Krel’s hands, which were fidgeting, and gently grabbed one. “We’ll have a sleepover, okay?”

Krel nodded and they walked into the castle, hand in hand, with no one around to disturb the pure happiness both of them felt.

The spoke until Krel started to fall asleep, and Douxie didn’t bother trying to stay awake past that. Krel had made mini portals, and even another solid sphere, Douxie suggested referring to them as traps. He hadn’t seen this kind of magic usage before, and he was more nervous than excited to see its extent, Krel seemed very conflicted in that area.

The sun rose, and both of them were asleep, unaware of the future, and unconsciously holding onto each other through a needed, restful, sleep.

[inliar]

spaced in, spaced out

word count: 4.5k

hyojin-centric

hyojin wholeheartedly loves space; the big kind, like the sky and the planets and the brilliant, brilliant stars, but also the small kind, like the time he gets to himself when everything screams louder than it should.

mildly inspired by on the run LA ep 22, time stamp 10:25

a/n: i’ve posted this on ao3 and have since orphaned it (due to unnecessary worrying) so if you recognize it, that’s likely why.

warning: mentions of exhaustion / depressive symptoms

on days when practice runs late (which is almost every day when you don’t know when to stop; a trait hyojin admits he has but refuses to see the problem with), hyojin likes to look at the sky. when he’s feeling lazy, or when dance practice is exceptionally gruelling, he can only really manage to make it to the nearest window and do his best to look up and over the surrounding building’s walls. but when he’s feeling particularly active, he’ll take the stairs up to the rooftop patio and enjoy the sight. from there, he has a clear, unobstructed, view.

not that it’s all that clear, though. light pollution, residual smog, and occasionally cloudy skies mask what hyojin imagines would be a stunning scene without. he’s looked up some night sky pictures on nasa’s official gallery, and they were absolutely breathtaking. so were their ridiculously high quality photos of the solar system, and the milky way, and all the constellations. he has these images saved in a neat little folder on his phone, for days when his own view doesn’t cut it. one day, hyojin would like to see them in real life. maybe he could visit an actual observatory with professional telescopes.

but as it stands, all hyojin can see from his place on earth is the moon, and, if he’s lucky, a couple of stars. on most days, that’s enough. he can observe how far along the lunar cycle the moon is, and he can close his eyes and make a tiny wish to the first star he saw that night. he’s not sure if his wishes help — luck is a fickle thing that he’s never quite had enough of — but he figures it can’t hurt. and after his little ritual, he can return back to his practice room or his dorm with a peaceful mind. he’s here. he’s grounded. he has a more or less beautiful sky to look at. on most days, that’s enough.

but on other days, it’s not. like today.

for one, it’s not even nighttime. a glance at the clock in the practice room tells him that it’s 17:34, which he eventually translates into 5:34 p.m.. it’s much too early to look to the sky for comfort, and it is definitely much too early for the type of crisis that hyojin normally only gets very late at night or very early in the morning. the ones where he can’t do anything besides sit in place like some useless tree stump while he questions his life.

“do you want to go get dinner?”

hyojin hates wasting time, so he doesn’t let them happen often, but every now and then one sneaks by him. especially when he’s overworked and tired and doesn’t have the energy to fight it off. he’s not sure what’s happening just yet, but he can sense that familiar, unsettling feeling simmering somewhere very near.

“hyung, you good?” hyojin hears, and he jolts in place where he’s sitting on the practice room floor. yuto’s looking down at him, all wide eyed and polite, and seungjoon is draped over the poor boy’s back.

“yeah, sorry, i was just … thinking.” hyojin replies lamely, cursing himself for his lack of a better explanation. all of these thoughts, and not a single one is of any use outside of his head.

“seungjoon hyung asked if you were getting dinner with us, but you didn’t answer.” yuto continues. hyojin pauses to process this, before noticing just how quiet the room is. a glance around the room confirms his suspicions; the room is empty, save for the three of them. “where did everyone else go?” hyojin asks.

“jaeyoung and minkyun said they were going to the studio after practice today to work on a new song, remember? and changyoon went to start a vlive. they all said goodbye before they left?” seungjoon explains.

huh. hyojin doesn’t recall any of this. “right, now i remember!” hyojin lies, perhaps a bit too eagerly. he can feel seungjoon staring at him, but he avoids the impulse to look back and stubbornly maintains eye contact with yuto instead.

“so … dinner?” yuto asks.

hyojin hesitates. he is hungry, but going out to eat means talking to someone to order. it means maintaining a conversation with his members, or at the very least keeping up with what they’re talking about. they’re usually really good at sensing when doesn’t want to talk, and they never push him, but hyojin doesn’t want to show off how drained he’s feeling at the moment. just thinking about it makes his head hurt.

“i don’t really want to go out today.” hyojin confesses. seungjoon and yuto nod together like a pair of synchronized bobble heads. cute.

“i’m kind of getting a headache, so i think i’ll head back to the dorm for a bit and take a nap. maybe i can go live sometime today, too. did anyone say they wanted to go after changyoon?” hyojin asks.

“no, i don’t think so.” seungjoon replies, which causes hyojin to accidentally make eye contact with him. darn. seungjoon can be ridiculously perceptive when he wants to be, especially when it comes to reading him. hyojin is not in the mood to be read right now.

seungjoon must come to some sort of conclusion in his head, because he stops staring at hyojin with that weird, ambiguous gaze. “i’ll drop some food off at your place after we’re done. that kimchi fried rice and those dumplings you like.” seungjoon says decisively, before pushing himself off from yuto’s back. “are you coming down with us, at least?”

“yeah, let’s go.” hyojin mumbles as he stands up. his muscles are sore, more likely a result of yesterday’s practice than today’s. the teachers went particularly hard yesterday. it was this constant series of ‘again, again, again’ for all these minuscule details that even yuto seemed to have a hard time catching. but they were much better afterwards because of it, so hyojin figures he shouldn’t complain.

he’s happy to listen to yuto and seungjoon babble about dance practice as they walk down the stairs; partially because he loves hearing the passion in their voices as they discuss how they want to present themselves, and partially because he doesn’t think he has the power to sustain a conversation right now. thankfully, neither of the two push him to say anything. he’s not sure whether it’s because he said he was getting a headache or because they can sense something is actually off with him, but he’s grateful nonetheless.

hyojin remembers to smile and say goodbye when he parts ways with seungjoon and yuto. then, he puts his phone on do not disturb before starting his trek home. he doesn’t want to talk to anyone just yet.

-

hyojin sits down on his bed and he doesn’t cry. he simply thinks.

sometimes he feels like a fake. he’s been told by dozens of people that his singing voice is so emotional. that it conveys a depth of feeling that’s heart wrenchingly beautiful when it needs to be, and technically perfect when it doesn’t. and he’s grateful for that, he truly is. but sometimes, he worries that it isn’t enough.

not that he doesn’t express emotions, because he does. he knows he does. anyone who’s observed hyojin long enough can see it. but the one thing he feels like he hasn’t openly expressed is sadness. which is understandable, after all, since he’s an idol. people come to him and his music for comfort, not to hear him complain. but he’s starting to believe that his absolute inability to convey this basic emotion is what’s causing all of his weird crises.

hyojin wishes he could cry. but he hasn’t cried in so long that he fears he no longer knows how to. bottled up emotions don’t free themselves easily, not when he’s tightened the cap so hard and so often that he’s not sure where the bottle ends and the cap begins.

‘don’t you feel bad?’ he chides himself.

‘yes,’ his inner voice croaks.

‘then prove it,’ he thinks. he challenges himself. he demands.

hyojin doesn’t cry, so he stands up. it’s time for him to get a grip on himself. he takes a shower and changes into comfortable clothes. he doesn't have anything else to do for the rest of the day, so he tries to take a nap as well. it’s hard at first — he’s oddly cold under the power of the air conditioning (that he never bothered to learn how to turn off) and his mind is still whirring with empty, useless, thoughts — but his sheer exhaustion overpowers it all as he falls into a shallow, troubled rest.

-

when he wakes up, his room is much darker then it was before. he reaches out for his phone, his hand haphazardly scrabbling for purchase on his nightstand before finally picking it up. squinting, he manages to read the time: 8:19 p.m.. cool, so he got around two hours of sleep. he figures that’s not too bad. he got four the other day when he was actually trying to go to bed.

for a moment, hyojin contemplates attempting to sleep again before deciding against it. he’s a little drowsy, but he’s not physically tired anymore. with that in mind, he gets up, slips his phone in his pocket, and opens his bedroom door. he could use a cup of water.

the lights are on somewhere out there, which hyojin guesses probably means that changyoon is on the couch playing kart rider or something. his assumption is proven to be correct when he spots changyoon, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, mumbling under his breath at his phone.

“what are you doing?” hyojin asks, turning towards the kitchen to pour himself some water. just before he looks away, he sees changyoon flinch. “n-nothing, i was just texting minkyun,” he hears changyoon stammer awkwardly.

hyojin pauses. suspicious. changyoon is definitely hiding something. hyojin considers confronting his roommate, but before he gets the chance to do so he feels his stomach grumble. right, he skipped dinner.

“did you already eat?” hyojin asks instead, taking his cup of water with him as he walks to the couch. it’s then that he notices the nearly empty takeout box of dumplings on the coffee table.

“never mind, i guess you have.” hyojin answers himself, putting his cup on the table and sitting down next to changyoon. “hmm, what should i eat?”

“oh, right!” changyoon says, popping the last dumpling in his mouth and standing up. “i ran into seungjoon and yuto on the way here. they gave me some takeout for you,” he explains as he walks to the fridge.

hyojin had forgotten about that, but he remembers now. “yeah, i think he said he was going to do that. kimchi fried rice and dumplings, right?” hyojin asks. he could really go for some dumplings right about now, especially after seeing changyoon eating.

changyoon freezes. “o-oh, so seungjoon told you,” he chuckles nervously, pulling a clear plastic bag out of the fridge and bringing it back to where hyojin is sitting on the couch. he’s trembling, which is odd. hyojin already has a very bad feeling about this, but he doesn’t want to say anything yet. surely changyoon wouldn’t do something so dumb as to -

“where are my dumplings?” hyojin demands, after opening the styrofoam container and only finding fried rice. he looks inside the empty plastic bag one more time, just to be sure (they’re not there), before glancing at the empty styrofoam container that changyoon was eating out of before. funnily enough, it’s the same type of takeout box as his fried rice container.

“you ate my dumplings?” hyojin shrieks, immediately grabbing a pillow from the couch. changyoon has already wisely retreated to the very end of the room, but hyojin wastes no time in lunging to where changyoon escaped to with agility akin to his deer nickname. changyoon futilely attempts to dart out of the way, but hyojin manages to grasp the collar of his shirt with one hand while he smacks changyoon with the pillow in his other hand. “what - were - you - thinking?” hyojin hisses, punctuating each word with a thump from the pillow. he notices that changyoon is covering his head, so he makes sure to hit the deserving food thief extra hard.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry!” changyoon wails as he drops to the ground to shield himself further. “i was hungry!”

“and you thought to take my food, you jerk?” hyojin yells, dropping and holding changyoon down with his knee while he continues to bash him with the pillow. “you didn’t even leave any behind for me!”

“i’m sorry, i’m sor- ow! stop hitting me, please, i’ll buy you more dumplings!” changyoon begs, and it’s enough for hyojin to graciously let changyoon go. “you better,” hyojin threatens, standing up. “you’re lucky i’m weak right now, you brat.”

“i’m sorry, what? you call that weak?” changyoon asks incredulously, sitting up and leaning back on his hands. “was that pillow made out of rocks?”

“if i hadn’t just woken up, and i wasn’t so hungry …” hyojin trails off.

“you know what, i don’t even want to think about it,” changyoon decides. “but the food stall closes at 10, so we should get going if you want the dumplings tonight.”

“i’m sorry, we?” hyojin asks incredulously. “why do i have to go out?

“don’t you want to personally make sure i get the right ones?” changyoon offers.

“no, because i can tell you right now which ones i want — pork, by the way — and if you forget you can text me.” hyojin says.

“but i don’t want to go outside alone! it’s dark, and it’s scary!”

“sucks for you, then, you shouldn’t have eaten my food in the first place. and since when have you been scared of the dark?”

“please?” changyoon asks. “i’ll buy you ice cream if you do.”

hyojin pauses. ice cream does sound really good right now. “okay, fine.” he decides. “but i’m not changing.”

“yeah, me neither. the food stall lady has known us for forever, though, so it’s probably fine.” changyoon reasons, standing up. “let me get my wallet and then we can go.”

“okay,” hyojin agrees. “i need to fix my hair anyways, it’s probably a mess.”

hyojin manages to tidy up his bedhead/warrior hair and find a cap in his room, but changyoon still hasn’t come out yet. “are you coming?” hyojin calls, walking out of his room to sit on the couch. he picks up his unfinished glass of water and takes a sip. he wouldn’t want to have damaged his throat after his screaming fit.

changyoon walks into the living room, looking sheepish. “so, um, how mad would you be if i told you that i think i left my wallet at the company?”

“... you’re serious.” hyojin deadpans incredulously.

“yeah, uh, i just realized i left my coat in the room where i did my vlive, and i normally carry my wallet in my pocket.” changyoon explains, before wincing. maybe he was expecting to get hit again?

hyojin sighs. “it’s fine. it’s on the way, anyway. let’s go?” he asks, before downing what’s left of his drink and standing up.

changyoon nods happily. “you’re the best and i love you?” he offers.

hyojin pushes changyoon. “ew. you can be sappy after i’ve eaten,” he laughs. “now get me some food.”

-

“come in with me?” changyoon asks, once they’re in front of WM. “i swear i saw the ghost last time, and i don’t want to face it alone.”

“well, why do i have to see it?” hyojin grumbles, but he opens the door for changyoon anyway. hyojin’s not heartless enough to ditch him, especially when he’s buying him food. but if he’s being really honest, he’d accompany changyoon regardless.

“what room did you leave your stuff in?” hyojin asks as they climb up the stairs, before coming to a realization.

“should we have asked the security guards for the keys?” hyojin pauses, before turning around. “wait, we should have, hold on, let’s go back -“

“wait!” changyoon calls, his voice amplified in the empty stairwell. hyojin reaches to cover his ears.

“oh, sorry, that was too loud,” changyoon realizes belatedly. “but trust me, we don’t need the keys.”

“what do you mean we don’t need the keys? the security guards always lock everything up after the office workers leave.” hyojin says, puzzled.

“minkyun’s in that room, he’s the one that told me i left my sweater there.” changyoon explains, as he continues to climb the stairs. instinctively, hyojin follows him.

“but why didn’t you tell me before? you could have told me that minkyun was there when you said that you left your wallet here.” hyojin asks.

“well i - uh, i forgot?” changyoon stammers.

hyojin frowns. changyoon is somehow being even more suspicious then when he ate hyojin’s dumplings, which is very confusing. something about his words are not adding up. he opens his mouth to ask something else, before being interrupted by changyoon.

“okay, we’re here!” changyoon exclaims, opening the door. except it doesn’t lead to the second or third floor like hyojin had expected.

“why are we on the roof?” hyojin asks, following changyoon before stopping in his tracks.

“oh hey, you’re here!” minkyun exclaims.

except it’s not just minkyun. the rest of the members are all there, bizarrely sitting in a circle on a large blanket on the roof. there’s various soda cans scattered around the edge of their huddle, and a couple of chip bags lie in the middle. if hyojin didn’t know better, he’d guess by the food that it was a poorly prepared picnic or a decently prepared sleepover.

“what …?” hyojin trails off in confusion.

next to him, changyoon breathes a sigh of relief and runs towards the rest of the members. “i am never doing this again. that was the most stressful hour or whatever of my life. i am incapable of lying, i swear he almost caught me twice, i have aged because of this -“

“oh, be quiet, this was your fault anyway.” minkyun snaps, but without a single hint of malice in his voice.

“so, um?” hyojin asks, frozen in place, as changyoon and minkyun bicker in the background. “what?”

“well, uh, this might sound pretty dumb, but you were really out of it in practice today.” jaeyoung starts, standing up and walking towards him. the rest of them do the same, abandoning their drinks and their snacks. “you were listening to what the teacher said and doing the dance moves correctly and everything, but it was like you weren’t actually there? you didn’t even say ‘bye’ back when minkyun and i left.”

darn. he was being obvious. hyojin opens his mouth, ready to give some kind of excuse, but seungjoon cuts him off.

“we wanted to ask you about it, but we didn’t know what to say and we didn’t want to make it awkward for you. and you mentioned how looking at the sky clears your mind, right? so we thought it would be nice to stargaze together? except it’s really cloudy …” seungjoon trails off.

hyojin looks up. seungjoon’s right, he can barely see the moon behind the clouds, let alone any stars. but the mere fact that his members came together and planned this in the first place is really, really nice.

hyojin looks around again and thinks. he knows for a fact that no one had chips at their dorm (seungjoon recently confiscated them all and donated them to the staff when he was feeling particularly sensitive about his self induced diet), so someone had went out and bought all the snacks so they’d have something to eat. someone had brought drinks so they wouldn’t get thirsty. someone had lugged this very big blanket up many flights of stairs so they’d have someplace clean to sit. someone had suggested doing this because they thought he felt bad, and someone had planned the event, even taking care to keep it a secret, to make him feel better. and they did this in their spare time, instead of practicing more or taking a well deserved break, for him.

they planned this all for him.

jaeyoung takes his silence as a bad thing, and hurriedly chimes in. “i mean, this might not have been what you were thinking of when you said you liked the galaxy, and we can always do something else! we don’t have a group practice tomorrow anyway, so we can do something fun tonight.”

“no, no! i’m just … this is good. actually, this is perfect. i - you didn’t have to do this, but it’s really thoughtful, and i?” hyojin buffers, completely lost for words.

seungjoon takes his arm. “you can just say thank you, and come sit with us.” he laughs, guiding hyojin back to their blanket where they’ve conveniently left a space for him to sit.

yuto hands him a coke as he takes his place, and hyojin wordlessly opens it and takes a sip. “thank you,” hyojin says, after a short pause. “i’m serious. this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”

“you’re always trying to take care of us, yeah? we can do this for you.” minkyun says, and it’s so thoughtful hyojin winces a little. he’s not in the right headspace to vent about his emotions right now. he’s not even sure if he has the right words for them. maybe later, when he has them sorted out in his head, he’ll share them with the others. but for now, he just wants to spend some time together, in each other's proximity.

hyojin normally looks to the sky to clear his head, but for once, his mind is blissfully empty. something about this entire situation brings him genuine peace and he’s extremely grateful for that. it’s not like he tries to overthink or overwork himself, but he somehow ends up overdoing things anyway. very rarely does hyojin let himself sit back and just do things. very rarely does hyojin let himself be content with just being enough, and not more. right here and right now, though, hyojin feels like enough.

“so that’s why changyoon ate my dumplings.” hyojin realizes belatedly.

the rooftop was silent before, but somehow it becomes even quieter. “changyoon stole your food?” yuto whispers in horror.

“okay, in my defence!” changyoon screams, raising his hand. “i wouldn’t have had to resort to this if you guys didn’t make me bring him here! you know i’m bad at lying, and you still chose me! i needed a reason to be nervous in front of him!”

“and you’re still alive?” seungjoon asks, shocked. “after eating his food?”

“barely.” changyoon complains. “he makes a pillow hurt.”

“i knew you wouldn’t be so dumb as to eat my food for no reason.” hyojin mutters under his breath.

“do you know how many times i nearly had a heart attack because of you?” changyoon begins, pointing an accusatory finger at hyojin. “when you came out of your room i was so stressed. we were all texting each other trying to make plans, and i was eating your food, and i had to pretend i was texting minkyun about something normal and not this whole surprise event. and then i had to make a dumb excuse to get you here, and i said i left my wallet in my coat — why would i even wear a coat, it’s summer?”

hyojin didn’t even notice that. probably because he was so caught up on the food he was missing that he didn’t even see the signs right in front of him.

“i realized it the second after i said it, but i’m so grateful you didn’t call me out for it. and then you asked me about the keys, and of course we didn’t need the keys because everyone was already here, so i had to make up another lie about minkyun, except it didn’t even make sense because i totally would have mentioned it before, and this was just an overall traumatic experience. kim hyojin, never ask me another question again.” changyoon finishes dramatically.

“but we wouldn’t have made you do this alone if you didn’t try to add hyojin to the group chat. this is technically your own fault.” minkyun points out, and hyojin frowns. “what groupchat?” hyojin asks.

“you didn’t get the notifications?” seungjoon asks, and hyojin shakes his head.

“so seungjoon tried to make a groupchat with all the members except you so we could figure out what to do together, right?” minkyun starts. “but changyoon, this absolute idiot, literally asks, ‘oh, why aren’t we just using the groupchat we already have’ and adds you. why do you think we left him out in the first place?”

“it was an honest mistake!” changyoon whines. “anyone could have done it!”

“but you did it.” minkyun teases, and changyoon stutters out excuses.

“wait, but you had no clue that we were doing this?” jaeyoung asks. “i figured we ruined it after we added you to the groupchat by accident.”

“i didn’t even get the notifications, though, are you -? oh.” hyojin says.

“what?” yuto asks.

“i turned my notifications off after i said bye to you and seungjoon.” hyojin realizes.

“then i didn’t even ruin anything! it didn’t have to be me in the first place!” changyoon screams. “this is so unfair!”

“but hey, at least you were successful.” seungjoon points out, and everyone else nods.

“the emotional trauma? that you put me through? what about that?” changyoon asks, but he’s interrupted by the sound of jaeyoung slapping his own arm.

“sorry, mosquito.” jaeyoung explains sheepishly.

“shoot, we forgot about bugs.” seungjoon sighs. “do you want to just go inside? we can order chicken or something.”

“actually, that sounds great right now. i haven’t had dinner yet, and i’m so hungry.” hyojin says happily.

“you didn’t have dinner? i literally brought you food!” seungjoon complains.

“okay, but after changyoon ate my dumplings, did you really think i was going to focus on eating over revenge?”

seungjoon pauses. “yeah, never mind. but still!”

“it’s okay, i’ll eat it later.” hyojin says. “but let’s order something in for now? and we should probably clean all this up, too.”

“we’re going inside? good, i’m getting cold.” yuto adds, standing up and picking up his empty coke can and a half eaten bag of chips.

“do you want to sleep over in the practice room?” minkyun suggests, laughing. “we’re already ordering chicken, this is basically our trainee days all over again.”

“you know what, i’m actually down for that.” jaeyoung says, grinning. “if they let us do it five years ago, they’ll let us do it now.”

“honestly?” hyojin asks, smiling one of his first real smiles. he hasn’t been this content for a while. “that sounds really, really good.”

it’s been a while, hyojin thinks as they clean up, since he’s been truly happy like this. it's been a while, he thinks, since everything has felt right. but here, in this space with five of the people he loves the most, he feels like enough. and for now, that’s all that matters.

[smash-64]

Ok so I typed up a super long review of Starlink: Battle for Atlas, and I spared nothing in what you might call a scathing review. It’s below the cut, but if you’d like the TL;DR part, I’d summarize it as follows:

The Starfox stuff is fun, but the rest isn’t. 5/10

Starlink Battle for Atlas review

Being a huge fan of Starfox, I’ve had my eye on this game for a very long time. However, the whole “toys as games” thing was a huge turnoff, coupled with the fact that apparently even getting the physical version meant you needed to devote 15GB of storage space to the game, which makes no sense to me. 

Anyway, I watched the reception closely, and it was pretty lukewarm, at best. People generally had very little to say about the game, so I only ever occasionally looked into whether it was on sale or not. Luckily for me, I got my hands on a 400GB microSD card for my Switch at the same time that the digital version went on super sale at 70% off, so I decided the time was right to try it out.

The Good

The Starfox team is at their graphical best in this game, by far. They looked great in Starfox Zero, but they look exactly how I pictured they would in my most fantastical dreams from when I was little. They all move smoothly, have perfect fur and feathers, emotive expressions, and they just fit so well with all the other characters in Starlink. There is a wide variety of allies and NPCs in this game, and they all have just as wide a variety of races and species. One guy looks like he should be a grass type Pokemon. I really think the character design is fantastic in this game. The fact that the entire inclusion of Starfox was an afterthought, yet they all fit in so perfectly is really a huge victory for Starlink. 

In addition to how they look, the Starfox team also sounds great. They got the original voice actors back for Fox and Slippy (and I do mean the originals from Nintendo 64!), and the rest of the squad, plus Wolf, came back from the 2011 remaster of Starfox 64 for the 3DS. That game was a great remaster, and the voice work was phenomenal. The characters and their personalities all shine through just as you expect them. They banter slightly less than on the N64, but part of that might just be because sound bytes were at a premium on that system, so they had to pick and choose what lines to include more carefully. So, I don’t think you can really count that against Starlink, which is a game that can include just about as many lines of dialogue as it wants. Fox, for one, has a TON of dialogue and I loved every bit of it. I kind of wish I lived in the Seattle area so I could hear Mike West’s radio show (and hear Fox’s voice all the time), which is how Nintendo discovered him for the original voice of Fox McCloud way back in 1997. Another great piece of work here.

In what very well might have been the source of the “Star Fox Grand Prix” fake leak a few years ago, there is a planet called the Crimson Moon where you can take part in what is essentially pod racing with your Arwing. Now, I really did not enjoy the pod race scene of Star Wars Episode I, and aside from Mario Kart 64, I really don’t find racing games very rewarding. However, these racing levels are actually pretty fun. There are hidden shortcuts you can take, plenty of obstacles, and the computer racers are actually fairly difficult. I honestly found myself getting really into these races. The only downside is, there aren’t very many of them. They’re also kind of long, which is no problem for a veteran of N64’s Rainbow Road, but I was a bit surprised at the length of some of the courses.

The Meh

The music, which I have come to believe might be the element of games that really determines whether I just like a game, or love it, is fairly generic. It sounds like your average Marvel movie soundtrack, except without any real bangers. The Corneria remix is too short and not often played, and the Star Wolf theme is the same deal. That’s just about it for Starfox music, and the rest of it is just so generic that I can’t even comment any further. A real letdown for me, although it doesn’t particularly take away from the game or produce any grating tracks.

The difficulty was a mixed bag as well. I played about 70% of the game on Hard mode because I’m very experienced with Ace Combat and Starfox games, so I thought I’d be fine with the air/space combat. But, the difficulty slider didn’t really make the game more difficult, it just made it take a lot longer. I guess that could be seen as a good thing for people who get upset about dying really quickly on harder difficulties, but it felt like a way to cheat at padding the game’s playtime. I ended up lowering the difficulty just so I could finish faster.

The Starlink characters are a really big missed opportunity. They all have very distinct personalities, but I was shocked at how little content actually featured them. They each have a backstory cutscene that highlights them, but those scenes are so short that it’s more of a 30 second elevator pitch than anything else. None of the characters have more than a sentence or two to comment about said cutscenes, and none of them ever show any growth. Even the “main” character of Mason is basically the same by the end of the game. Although, I do think their designs are excellent and their personalities stand out from one another well enough.

The Bad

Spoilers ahead for the next three paragraphs! The story itself is pretty crappy. I’m still not really sure what was going on or why the Equinox (the main ship) was where it was. In more than one of the character-specific backstory cutscenes I already mentioned, they talk about Earth. So, ok, we understand that almost everyone on the Equinox is human, that’s fine. But...how exactly did they get here and why do they want to recapture the solar system of Atlas? As you play, you essentially claim territory in the name of Atlas, but it’s not clear at all who that exactly is. Does that mean the Equinox is in charge? Is there a government somewhere? Military affiliations or alliances? Because plenty of territory seems to be independent, in addition to enemy-controlled territory. Maybe there was a single line of dialogue I missed somewhere.

But, ok, we just want to fly spaceships and shoot stuff, who cares about politics! Well, there are still issues with the story because I honestly could scarcely care less about any of the plot in this game, which makes it tough to get into any of the battles or things at stake. The entire Starlink team was so unimportant that I literally never used ANY of them even one time, and the game never encouraged me too, either. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the unparalleled writing and character development of the Kiseki series of JRPGs, or maybe I just really don’t like the storytelling methods and style of western RPGs, but I feel like the story should make you WANT to learn more about characters. Instead, I was just constantly asking questions like “Why does any of this matter?” 

Now, that would be a totally unimportant question if the game was all about space battles and explosions and pew pews, but it pretends to have this really deep, engrossing story with characters wracked over the (spoiler!) kidnapping and death of their leader and captain. We barely even get to know who this dude is before he’s kidnapped, and then the rest of the story is so bare-bones that most of what we’re “supposed” to be feeling has to be completely assumed under the guise of “Well, I guess he was the captain so we’re supposed to feel bad, right?” He did apparently act like a father figure for many of the Starlink pilots, but we are only briefly told that in those previously mentioned 30 second elevator pitches. We never actually see it.

Ok spoilers done, but I’m not. The enemies that you fight in this game are also horribly boring and repetitive. We get about 10 enemies in total throughout the entire game, and most of those only have very slight variations. They try to spice it up a bit by adding in “elements,” but about 70% of what I fought ended up always being the fire type anyway. Sure, we get five or so “boss” type enemies, but they’re not particularly special, either. Most of these enemies are copy-pasted all over the planets you visit to give the impression of a planet full of activity, but really it’s just the same things over and over. 

The real issue here is how the Big Bad, a bird guy named Grax, is supposed to be really feared but we only get like two cutscenes about him. His army is completely faceless. It’s really shocking that we got significantly more development from the Star Wolf team almost 25 years ago on the Nintendo 64, and all of that was delivered in five second one-liners spread through only a couple levels! 

All I’m going to say about the “toys as games” thing is that it’s stupid and clunky and should never be used, especially the way they make you mount the ship onto your controller. What an absolutely idiotic method. I can understand having a portal like they did with Skylanders. Still not a fan, but you can toss something onto it and it doesn’t weigh down your controller. If it was required to play, I would have never even tried this game.

Gameplay is supposed to be the real winning point here, with an honestly unbelievable amount of content available for each planet you visit. I think there were six or seven planets you could visit, so there was actually a ton to do. But I can’t imagine beating my head against the wall so many times on each planet to complete any of it. If you really enjoy grinding, monotonous, pointless gameplay, then by all means, try this game.

Conclusion

I mean, if you like Starfox, I think you’ll have at least some fun with it. The Starfox levels are fun, and it feels like legitimate Starfox content. It also shows that Starfox could branch out into something different, but I’m not sure I’d be a big fan of it going such a repetitive route with regards to gameplay. If a game like this were fully devoted to a Starfox story, and not just including Starfox as an afterthought, then I do think it could be a good game. But as it stands, Starlink: Battle for Atlas is an example of something that looks and sounds great, but revels in gameplay mediocrity and fails at story-telling. 5/10. If there was no Starfox content, it’s honestly a 3/10.

[starryviolentine]

Color Me Blue (That’s Me Without You): A Pre-Apocalypse Story

Part 1 (here)     Part 2 (here)     Part 3 (here) Part 4 (here)     Part 5 (here)     Part 6 (here) Part 7 (here)     Part 8 (here)     Part 9 (here)

Part 10/10: Special Delivery

Another school week has come and gone, and the students of Ericson Academy have finally reached the weekly checkpoint that everyone looks forward to the most—the weekend. After five straight days of lessons, homework and responsibilities, the one day per week when there’s no schedule, nowhere to be, and nothing but unstructured fun and relaxation is here at last. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and, according to the weather forecast, later in the day it should be warm enough to play outside without a jacket. What a beautiful Saturday morning indeed. 

Sundays are different. There are mandatory chores in the morning and extracurriculars scheduled all throughout the afternoon. Students aren’t allowed to use the gym or the outdoor fields unless they have sports practice, nor can they set foot inside the creative arts building unless they have an art or music lesson.

But that’s a worry for tomorrow.

Today is still Saturday. For Therissa, this means snoozing until noon, then lazing around in bed with only her phone and CD player to keep her company until she feels like getting up. As for Brody and Violet, the two younger girls have been out and about all morning and are now on their way back to their bedroom to drag their teenage roommate out to lunch. After some complaining and a bit of colorful language on Therissa’s end, the three of them head down to the dining hall to grab a bite to eat, and then, when they’re done, return to their room to hang out. 

Separately, usually. Therissa likes to do her own thing, and most of the time it’s just Brody and Violet doing stuff together. Once in a blue moon, though—if all the stars and the planets align just right and Therissa is in a good mood—Brody can convince her to join them. And today, much to the twin-tailed tween’s delight, is one of those days.

Tonight, they’re going to have a campout. Or, rather, a camp “in” due to the lack of a tent, a campfire, s’mores, and the whole outdoors element that are all fundamental to a typical night of camping. Nonetheless, Brody and Violet move their mattresses to the middle of the bedroom floor and pitch a little blanket fort above them using their chairs and desks. Therissa plops herself right in the center of the mattresses and stretches out comfortably while her roomies circle the room like busy bees, collecting all of the pillows and blankets to use for extra cushioning.  

“Let’s play a game!” Brody suggests as she flops belly-first onto a mountain of blankets. “Truth or dare.” She frowns when Violet and Therissa let out a collective groan. “Come on, it’ll be fun. This is our first campout together, so we should get to know each other better.”

“You do realize we’ve all been sleeping in the same room for, like, a year, right?” Therissa points out.

“Oh, hush, you know what I mean.”

“So, basically, you want to ask me a bunch of questions and make me talk about myself,” Therissa says, catching on to Brody’s ulterior motive right away. Propping her head up with her elbow, she turns to Violet and screws up her face into one of exaggerated distaste, causing the blonde to slap her hands over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud. Violet crouches down and crawls into their fort, taking a seat next to Therissa, who winks at her. 

“It’s for all of us,” Brody insists. “You get to ask me and Vi stuff, too.”

“Can’t we just, like, play cards or something?” Violet doesn’t particularly feel like talking about herself today, either. Truth or dare is one of those risky games with the potential to get uncomfortably personal. A feeling deep in her gut is telling her that playing something like that with Therissa around might not make for the most enjoyable of times. The teen seems like the type who would ask weird questions and come up with mortifying dares. 

“I second that,” says Therissa, holding up a hand with her index finger extended. “But no baby games like Go Fish or Old Maid. You guys know how to play poker?”

“Isn’t that the one where you have to… you know... take off your clothes?”

The eldest girl snorts, nearly choking, and cackles loudly. “No, V, that’s strip poker.” 

A disappointed pout appears on Brody’s face as she allows herself a moment to mourn the loss of the truth or dare game that never was. With Therissa and Violet being so similar, she comes to the realization that she very well might have to get used to being outnumbered again. It was the same way at home with her two older brothers. Now that she and her siblings are all a bit older, wiser, and have learned to compromise every now and then, it’s not so bad, but Brody remembers that when she was really little, Dawson and Hunter hardly ever wanted to do what she wanted to do. It was always two against one, and never in her favor.  

Brody doesn’t dwell on it for long, though. The most important thing is that she’s getting to spend time with Violet and Therissa. Together. At the same time! And card games can be fun, too. Brody’s never played poker in her life, but she’d love to learn. Therissa leaves their fort just to grab a slightly worn deck of cards from her desk drawer, but then Brody and Violet scoot in close, listening intently as the teen starts to explain the rules.  

Therissa only gets as far as explaining the object of the game when there’s a knock at the door. Brody excitedly hops up to see who it is. “I’ll get it!”  

It’s Marlon, this week’s mail boy, wearing khaki shorts, white knee-high socks, and a deep red polo shirt embroidered with the Ericson emblem. The matching red newsie cap atop his head is just as prominent as the scowl on his face. Each week, a different student is selected to help sort student mail and then deliver it to the correct dorm rooms. Unlike Brody, who sports the uniform with pride every time her turn to be mail girl comes along, the blonde boy is clearly one of the many kids at the school who finds the whole thing kind of humiliating. 

Reaching into the large, brown satchel hanging from his shoulder, Marlon pulls out a padded envelope and practically shoves it into Brody’s hands. “Special delivery. See ya!”

“Thanks,” says Brody, but her classmate has already taken off running down the hall. Shutting the door, Brody comes back to the center of the room and takes a closer look at the small, lumpy package. “Oh, Therissa, it’s for you!” She glances at the name and address in the upper left corner and grins. “It’s from Mel!” 

“Oh, that.” Therissa already knows what’s inside the package without having to look, and she’s already starting to feel embarrassed at the thought of what’s about to go down. Keeping a straight face, she does her best to play it cool. “Wanna open it for me?”

“Sure,” replies Brody, returning to her previous spot in the fort and shaking the envelope ever so slightly. Violet moves closer, just as curious, watching as her friend tears open one end of the package. Before Brody can reach inside, the envelope’s contents start rolling and something colorful falls out onto the mattress below. The girl blinks, speechless, and stares down at the two tiny glass bottles in awe. “It’s… nail polish. But they’re—”

“They’re yours.”

Brody takes in a sharp breath and her hands go to cover her mouth. “What?”

Therissa reaches out and takes the nail polish, holding each color in front of her face to get a look at them before they go to their new owner. There’s a shockingly hot pink and a bright sky blue, and the thought of wearing either of these colors on her own fingernails sort of makes the teenager want to puke, but they’re disgustingly, disturbingly perfect. “Yeah, I mean, if I ever wake up one day wanting to look like a bubblegum fairy princess, I’ll let you know, but until then”—Therissa removes her roommate’s hands from her face and drops the bottles into her palms—“I think you should hold onto them.”

“Oh, these colors are so cute! Are they really for me?” Brody can’t believe what’s happening. She pinches herself to make sure she’s not dreaming. Ouch. She’s not. Breaking into the biggest smile, Brody hugs the bottles to her chest.    

“It’s just, I know how much you wanted to be there when me and Violet did ours, so…” Therissa’s face is getting too warm for her to finish her sentence, so she cuts herself off. “Anyway, if I’m gonna do your nails, I had to make sure we had the right colors. You’re way too… you for any of mine. No offense.”

Squealing, Brody launches herself at the teen and hugs her tighter than ever before. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Violet snickers. “Can you imagine Brody with, like, black nails?”

“And black eyeliner and maybe a little mascara?” Therissa pictures their auburn-haired roomie wearing her makeup and shakes her head, starting to laugh as well. “Oh my god, she’d be like an emo Elmo.” With one final pat onto the younger girl’s back, Therissa pulls away gently. She looks at Brody, grinning in amusement. “What do you think? Wanna try it out? I could give you a couple piercings to match.” 

Brody gasps, face contorting into one of absolute horror as she imagines Therissa coming at her ears with a needle. She fervently shakes her head and shudders. “No!”

Therissa and Violet turn to look at each other, but as soon as they make eye contact, they both explode into hysterics. It isn’t long before Brody realizes that the teen was just kidding around, and she soon finds herself giggling, too. Whether it’s joy, sadness, excitement or even fear, Brody tends to absorb the emotions of those around her. They penetrate her down to the bone and she feels them as though they’re her own. Brody can tell what sort of mood Therissa’s in before the teenager even opens her mouth. If Violet has a bad dream and wakes up sad or scared, Brody cries right along with her. When her friends are happy, so is she.

Brody’s always been a little bit like that. 

Occasionally her mind wanders. Sometimes Brody thinks about what her life would be like if her parents never sent her to Ericson’s. Would she still be as frightened and anxious as she was before meeting Dr. Larson? Would she have found a best friend whom she loves as much as she loves Violet? Like everything else in the world, life at a boarding school has its ups and downs. Some days are tougher than others, and being away from her family is rough sometimes, but Brody is forever grateful that she ended up here.

Here, as in Ericson Academy, of course. But also here, as in right here in her bedroom, sitting in between her best friend, Violet and her newest friend, Therissa, in the cozy comfort of their blanket fort. 

And here, on this particular Saturday afternoon, Brody knows one thing for certain—she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

[herenya-writes]

Was tagged by @forgotten-envies for this tag game. Warning, it’s a long one.

your name and then what you would have named yourself: Name’s Jessi (short for Jessica). I think I would have named myself after a tree or plant. Like Aspen or something. I really like tree names.

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I’m a Virgo. That’s all I know lol. I’ve never really identified with it much—I’m just not a nice/gentle enough person for it.

when did you join tumblr and why?: I joined a little over a year ago because I wanted to get involved with the Star Trek fandom. I started writing fanfic for Star Trek pretty soon after I watched TOS, and I wanted a platform to interact with other fic writers and my readers.

top 5 fandoms: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Stormlight Archives, Star Wars, and the Witcher.

top 5 favorite films: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Voyage Home, Pride and Prejudice, The Princess Bride, and Phantom of the Opera

go to song when you wanna Feel something: “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: Good question!

a song that makes you feel seen: “She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles

if you could have any career: Any career? Something in space for sure, especially if it involved discovery of distant planets or functioning as some kind of ambassador to aliens. More realistically, a professor of English and Literature somewhere, with an emphasis on how science fiction reflects humanity.

do you have a type?: I want to say no, but I bet I do. I mean, I’m demi, so it’s more of a personality thing with me, but it varies from person to person. People who give good hugs/cuddles are high on the metaphorical list though!

what does your heart/soul yearn for: To be remembered when I’m gone. I want my name—or at least my deeds—to be spoken of in generations. I want to do something meaningful with my life.

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: sarcastic, writer, observant, nerdy, passionate (wow that sounds really lame idk man)

favorite subjects in school: English by far, although I also enjoy history (specifically World History) and Physics.

where does your soul feel most at home: Curled up on the couch surrounded by my family with a fire going. We don’t have to be talking. just existing in the same space in comfort and love is enough.

top 5 fictional characters: Kaladin Stormblessed, Spock, Aragorn, Obi-Wan, and Elizabeth Bennet. (That is a very male-dominated list, which I have some thoughts about, but I’m not gonna derail this post.)

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: Hmm. I don’t cry very much...I cried when Spock died in The Wrath of Khan, I might have cried when the Fellowship parted ways in The Return of the King, and I definitely cried at some point while watching the Clone Wars, although I can’t pin down a specific moment.

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: The Stars.

favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms with heavy rain and plenty of lightning.

top 3 characters you kin with: Idk. Spock, I guess. Annabeth Chase (more when I was younger, but yeah), and Mr. Darcy maybe?

favorite medium of art: Books. Although I really like traditional paintings that utilize a lot of different textures.

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: Introvert.

a favorite literary quote: You want me to just choose one??? I don’t think I can do that... How about “The purpose of a storyteller is not to tell you what to think but to give you something to think upon” from The Way of Kings (I think) by Brandon Sanderson

some of your favorite books: Mistborn, The Way of Kings, and the Alloy of Law all by Brandon Sanderson; Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen; The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde; and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: Somewhere with a forest where the leaves change color in the fall and there’s a mountain nearby. Not in the city, but not too far either. 

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: Probably the Renaissance, which is likely a basic answer.

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: Well, I play the clarinet moderately well, but I would love to be able to play the cello masterfully.

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: Hmmm. Once upon a time I would have answered Athena without hesitation, and I suppose that’s still somewhat true, but I’m not sure.

and lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: 

The screen protector in front of my selfie camera is broken, which is why there’s that weird lighting lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

more photo diary posts.. various life images...

[gffa]

Hii I'm new to the Fandom and I'm obsessed with your blog! I ADORE your point of view really its making me love star wars more and more, my question is do you have any recommendations on which books to read to understand more about the lore and where cannon is right now??

Hi!  I’m glad if I can help you like SW lore more and thank you for such kind words, I deeply appreciate them.  And, oh, what a tricky question that is, without meaning to be!A lot depends on which part of the SW lore you’re looking for–are you looking for technical terms or character backstory tidbits?  Lore on Force woo?  The stories that help better inform the structure of Star Wars?  Because I feel like my answers would be different for each of those!So, I’m going to do a “here’s what I think is the best places to start when getting into SW supplementary material” list:1.  THE TV SERIESIf you haven’t watched The Clone Wars and Rebels yet, those should be first on your list!  TCW is there to help give you the bigger picture of just how awful the Clone Wars were, how politics dragged everything down into the mud, and will give you a ton of feelings on established characters.  I’m currently in the middle of a rewatch and its kicking up all these feelings I had and you can really tell that this is what George Lucas’ world looks like when they have the time to explore it.  (Though, hell, even with this show, it only covers things in broad strokes, especially because it is still aimed at younger audiences, too.)And Rebels is just a really great series by itself, but it also does a fantastic job of showing you just how complicated the war against the Empire was, how hard it was to wind together these various minor factions into one bigger Rebellion, as well as it does a lot to show what it’s like for Jedi after the genocide of their people.  It also has some killer cameos and resolution to things started in TCW and moments of confrontation for all the characters.Both of those really only have minor moments of exploring the Force Woo Lore (but there’s really not one singular place that explains it, imo, it’s something you have to piece together to see the bigger picture), but they’re fantastic for echoing the narrative structure of Star Wars and its themes.2.  THE COMICSThey’re the next best stop, they are also really great stories in terms of the character arcs, as well as the next best place to get more on the themes of Star Wars.  There have been so many moments, more than anywhere else, that I have wanted to just absolutely (virtually) SCREAM, because HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A HELL OF A MOMENT or HOLY SHIT THAT UNDERSTOOD STAR WARS SO WELL or just had really amazing moments.  I would recommend starting with:- The Star Wars 2015 comic (by Jason Aaron) and read it concurrently with Darth Vader vol. 1 (by Kieron Gillen), as they’re meant to go together.- Then read Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith (by Charles Soule)- After that, in any order:  Age of the Republic comics (by Jody Houser), Obi-Wan & Anakin (by Charles Soule), Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu (by Matt Owens), and Kanan: The Last Padawan (by Greg Wiseman).- I also really enjoy the Star Wars Adventures comics from IDW, the Poe Dameron comics (by Charles Soul) are incredible and give a lot of context to the sequel trilogy and Shattered Empire does a lot in the same vein.3.  THE NOVELSNovels are trickier, because some are good for lore but aren’t necessarily stories I would recommend to new fans, others are amazing stories but don’t necessarily have a lot of lore.  So, I’m going to focus on the books that I think do the most bridge work and help you understand the bigger picture of Star Wars:- The Star Wars Battlefront II video game (okay, not a book, bear with me) does an amazing job of giving more context to how the Empire ended and how it connected to the First Order.  You can do a search on YouTube for “Battlefront 2 game movie” or similar search parameters and watch it like a movie, it’s about two hours and it’s wonderful.  Fall in love with the characters with me, understand why Jakku was important, and get some amazing cameos (and stunning planets) for the OT trio!- The Aftermath trilogy by Chuck Wendig also does a ton of showing how the Empire’s fall wasn’t instantaneous after Endor’s moon, as well as the faltering early steps of the New Republic, and a ragtag bunch who hunt down Imperial war criminals and all come to love each other AND I LOVE THEM, sobs.  I would add in the caveat that I think these work massively better as audiobooks, so check if your library has them and maybe you can check them out on-line and be prepared to give the books a little time to grow on you.- Bloodline by Claudia Gray shows Leia six years before TFA and the New Republic still faltering and how she discovers the early origins of the First Order and loses her position in the Senate and starts up the Resistance.  It’s at its best when it’s a Leia book, but it also does do a lot of groundwork for the connections between the OT and the ST!- From a Certain Point of View by various authors, is a collection of short stories, many of which are hits and many of which are misses, but the hits are amazing.  If nothing else, “Master & Apprentice” (by Claudia Gray–not to be confused with the full novel of the same title), “Time of Death” (by Cavan Scott), “There Is Another” (by Gary D. Shmidt), and “An Incident Report” (by Daniel Mallory Ortberg) are all MUST READS.  I read all of them and I’m glad I did, but if a story isn’t gripping you, feel free to skim over it for the next, they’re only connected by theme, not events.- I loved both Spark of the Resistance (by Justina Ireland) and Resistance Reborn (by Rebecca Roanhorse) as books set between TLJ and TROS, where I grew even more fond of the characters getting to have adventures together.  I also thought the Dooku: Jedi Lost audiodrama was probably the best PT era canon book to recommend, too.4.  THE GUIDEBOOKSGuidebooks are more fun when you’re already invested and just want to look up a thing or two, but there’s at least one that I think is a must-read from cover to cover:  Star Wars Propaganda: A History of Persuasive Art in the Galaxy by Pablo Hidalgo.  It doesn’t sound like it would be that interesting–a history told through art?  But it’s an absolutely stellar bird’s eye view and explanation of how things happened in the GFFA, how the Clone Wars happened, how the Republic fell, how the Empire rose, how the Rebellion fought back, how the New Republic rose, how the First Order knocked it all down again.5.  ANYTHING ELSE?I love the game Jedi: Fallen Order and I think it does an amazing job of staying true to the Jedi Order, their culture, and the themes of Star Wars.  You can do the same thing of looking for a movie-version on YouTube, it should be about four hours long to cover the majority of the game, and I absolutely fell in love with the characters and the world, it was clear they really cared about the story and the lore and making this feel like a game where you got to experience becoming a Jedi.This isn’t a list of “stories I thought were good” but ones aimed at establishing the best understanding of the bigger galaxy, as well as stories that I thought were really good for new fans!  While I put them generally in the order I would suggest them, if something’s not working for you, feel free to drop it and move on to another thing, either coming back later to the dropped one or not, because this should be fun and not boring work.HOPEFULLY THAT’S A GOOD PLACE TO GET YOU STARTED and if someone else would suggest a good Starting Place For A New Fan, feel free to chime in!

[elencelebrindal]

Hi! Among the Saints, do you have any favourite technique or fighting style in specific?

Yeah, quite a bit actually! I’m going to put pictures, because why not, the visuals are cool. I don’t have a favorite fighting style, ‘cause I mostly enjoy watching people beating the crap out of each other (not in real life, please don’t), just know that I like how everyone’s fight. Some styles are similar, some are unique, but I love them all.  And now for the techniques, in no particular order and with their corresponding Italian names because of who I am as a person, we have 10 of them. All under the cut because this post is loooooong.

1. Nebula Storm (Tempesta di Andromeda)

I am deeply in love with the Nebula Storm, one of my all-time favorite techniques of the franchise. It’s so cool to see how powerful this can get, and I love how “calm” it’s the execution (compared to most other techniques). I gives this idea that a technique doesn’t have to be physically violent to be effective, and the Storm is also versatile, since it’s a wide range technique that incapacitates whoever falls victim to it.

2. Scarlet Needle (Cuspide Scarlatta)

What can I say, this is my favorite technique of the classic Gold Saints. It might have an unpredictable outcome, but it’s very interesting and has unique characteristics. I love how it reflects the stars of the Scorpio constellation, and me being the huge space nerd I am, I cannot help but be amazed at how the last needle is called Antares. Maybe that’s also the reason why I love the Nebula Storm, space references! Seriously speaking, the Scarlet Needle is different from a lot of other techniques, and gives a fair chance of survival if the Saint ultimately decides to spare whoever gets hit by it. Lethal and forgiving at the same time, and this it what gives it a spot among us my favorite.

 3. Freezing Coffin (Sarcofago di Ghiaccio)

I don’t exactly know why I love this technique so much, but I do. I like how it can be used both as an offensive attack and as something able to preserve life as it is forever. Maybe I like is to much because I’m already enthralled by how, in real life, ice can preserve ancient life with so much ease, but I honestly cannot give you a clear explanation.  it’s just a really cool concept in my opinion. 

4. Another Dimension (Dimensione Oscura)

Ok, who doesn’t like this at least a little bit? A technique than literally opens an alternate dimension and that can trap anyone in it? This is one of the coolest and most powerful techniques I’ve ever seen (save maybe for Thanos’ snap, but I have doubts), and it’s so interesting.  The fact alone that a person, a human, can open a channel to a different dimension is baffling. I love how it’s almost impossible to flee from this space, how distressing is to be caught inside it. This technique, even if defeatable, can easily incapacitate someone to a certain degree.  Can you imagine having the power of literally opening and closing at will a completely alternate dimension in your hands?

5. Rikudo Rinne (Volta di Minosse)

This is one of the most terrifying techniques I’ve ever seen, even worse than losing all five senses and getting basically eradicated from existence. At least you won’t feel anything anymore, in those cases.  But this? This straight up dooms you.  Not only that, this technique is so incredibly interesting, from how it works to what makes it. The six planes of existence of this technique not only have meaningful origins, but are all deeply different; some are better and some are worse, instead of being all the same.  All in all, is a complex technique with different outcomes and different approaches, and in my opinion deserves a lot more attention. 

6. Death Trip Serenade (Sinfonia dell’Eterna Quiete)

I’m going to be honest. I have a soft spot for music-based techniques. This is my favorite of them all, but I have some honorable mentions, aka the Stringer Requiem (Melodia delle Tenebre) and the Dead End Symphony (Dolce Melodia del Flauto).  I also have a soft spot for Orpheus (the mythological character), so I couldn’t help but love this technique in particular. I find incredible how Saint Seiya can have really powerful Saints have calm techniques like this, techniques that are still scaringly deadly.  The Serenade is one of my favorites because it doesn’t work by directly killing who listens to it, but puts them to an eternal sleep, thus indirectly being lethal. Opposite from my honorable mentions, this technique is gentle, in a way. It doesn’t cause pain, and listening to it is actually pleasurable. It lures the victim of the song in a false sense of security, thus giving a somewhat easy victory.  And that’s why I love it, because while you listen to it, you’re literally signing up for your death without being aware of what’s actually happening.  Gentle, but scary. 

7. Unity of Nature (Anime della Natura)

Now this is something I would never want to experience. Unique and lethal, unless you manage to understand how to act and do it properly. I love it.  Using nature itself as a weapon is probably the most creative way of fighting, and it gives a huge advantage if the battle takes place basically anywhere that’s not a cement jungle.  Not easy to counteract and dangerous, two attributes that please me very much, and to certain degree also terrifying and distressing. Can you imagine having to fight against nature?  Maybe it’s not a technique that works on everyone, because of course someone strong enough could just destroy the entire place that’s currently controlled for this technique, but it’s nonetheless scary. 

8. Cosmic Marionette (Dominio Cosmico)

This is scary. This is absolutely terrifying.  A technique that basically transforms anyone that fall prey to it into a helpless puppet controlled in every movement is not a joke. The user of this can literally capture a person and break every single bone in their body by flicking a finger, can kill a person by snapping their neck with one single movement.  The wave of a hand could inflict unspeakable torture and pain to whoever in captured in the strings.  If this is not one of the coolest techniques you’ve ever seen, honestly what are you doing with your life? A  single string to the neck, and death is assured. Effective, to say the least. And it works at long distance too, so good luck. 

9. Crimson Thorn (Spine Cremisi)

Deadly. One of the deadliest of my favorites techniques that are not kind. Thousands of needles made of poisonous blood being injected directly into a single target sound pretty effective to me, unless the target is covered head to toe with an armor.  So yeah, flawed, but still one of the best and most effective, considering how poisonous the blood is. If it hits, it’s game over.  Also, another of my requirements is met: this technique is unique. Using your own blood to fight is, by far, one of the most unique fighting strategies I normally see in fiction, and this interpretation of it is honestly kinda morbid. Which, for me, is a positive point.  It gives the impression of how much a Saint can sacrifice of themselves, to the point of using so much blood that surviving is impossible. I think it’s a technique that should be used only when extremely necessary, if not only in situations where death is basically looming over and it’s the last ace up your sleeve, but it’s tremendously dangerus. For everyone involved.  And it can be used as an effective distraction, so it works both as offensive and defensive, even if dangerous. 

10. Greatest Eclipse (Eterna Eclissi)

Yes, I consider this a technique, even if is more of a power. Worthy of a god, and even if extreme in its fantasy connotations, could realistically destroy all life on Earth. And it’s more effective than another one, still used by Hades, aka the Lost Canvas. This doesn’t take as much time, and it’s also horrifying to watch as it happens.  An eternal eclipse that blocks out the sun, if you take away the fancy explanation of how all the planets get manipulated and probably get their rotation stopped (which, in itself, is terrifying to imagine), is in fact able to create extreme conditions, thus killing everybody.  I’ve seen people doubting the Greatest Eclipse could actually work, and I raise you this, taking away all the supernatural stuff: the effect a permanent solar eclipse would have on planet Earth. One side would be constantly exposed to the sun, the other would never receive any light or heat anymore, not enough at least. This creates extreme living conditions, which become impossible to survive in. Animals start dying, crops cannot grow anymore or in large quantities, and people slowly start dying as well. I’m not putting into the picture other apocalyptic events (like a stopped moon being affected by Earth’s gravitational pull to the point of smashing into it), because if Hades manipulates everything nothing else is going to happen, but a total solar eclipse that never goes away and an Earth that completely stops moving spell death.  Add to this the fact that the Greatest Eclipse is also capable of destroying souls, and there you have it.  This is my favorite power of the entire array of manga, anime, and general fiction I’ve watched/read. Hands down.  Obviously, don’t take me too seriously, I mostly take this stuff from watching various documentaries so take what I write with careful eyes. 

Honorable Mentions

Most of the techniques I listed are, surprisingly, not as violent and/or destructive as I thought they would be. Because of who I am as a person, I tend to like chaos and catastrophic stuff, but I surprised myself upon realizing what I prefer in this franchise. Well, with exceptions, obviously.  These are my honorable mentions, techniques I really like but not enough to know why:

- Galaxian Explosion (Esplosione Galattica)

- Aurora Execution (Sacro Aquarius, yeah let’s not talk about this)

- Tenkū Haja Chimimōryō (Elevatevi Spiriti. Danzate Ombre delle Tenebre, anime name, pretty weird)

- Phoenix Illusion Demon Fist (Fantasma Diabolico)

- Demon Emperor Fist (Fantasma dell’Oscurità)

- Rozan Kō Ryū Ha (Pienezza del Dragone)

- Whatever technique Baldr from Soul of Gold uses

- Brilliant Wings Heaven Dance

- Golden Triangle (Triangolo d’Oro)

And this is it, folks! I probably won’t be able to post anything else that’s this long for a couple days (this university is making me hate my life), but expect a post about Soul of Gold Aldebaran on Monday (hopefully). 

[alphawave-writes]

It only takes a (Christmas Eve) moment Sigma x Harold Winston

Synopsis: Siebren and Harold spend their first christmas eve as a couple together in Harold's apartment. For this pair of middle-aged men, that means ugly sweaters, movies, and a lot of kissing. 

This was done for @oldstupidtmplar, who wanted me to write a fluffy fic based on their Christmas art, which you can find here. I HIGHLY recommend checking them out. Their art is just beautiful, and has definitely inspired how I write these two.

Read it here, or find it on AO3. For more Sigma, check out my series 'The universe sings’. For more Sigma x Harold fluff, check out my other two fics here and here

-

If Siebren thought Horizon One’s Christmas decorations was excessive, Harold’s apartment was in a league of its own. A Christmas tree was adorned with the traditional ornaments and also various coloured paper chains—a remnant of Harold’s half-Chinese heritage. Wax candles had been lit and burnt away, leaving behind the lingering scent of gingerbread. If he peeked through the doorway, a basket of apples wrapped in colourful packaging paper lied in a tiny basket on Harold’s kitchen countertop, side by side with a variety of snacks and desserts. Fairy lights line the backwall of Harold’s living room, opposite a small couch and a TV.

On a table in the corner of the room, Siebren noticed a stack of books on zoology and animal biology. Next to them was a single framed photograph. Siebren remembered this picture. It was taken months ago back on Horizon One, less than a week before he and Harold were to head back to Earth. In the photo, Harold smiled toothily at the camera, two thumbs pointing up while Siebren himself smirked beside him, eyes scrunched up to give an expression that’s halfway between coy and smug.

Siebren only realized he had picked up the photograph when he heard footsteps behind him. He quickly replaced the photograph on the table as he turned around to face Harold. He was wearing what many university students called a ‘christmas dad’ outfit. His thick rimmed glasses matched horrendously well with his green Christmas sweater, where a caricature of a gorilla sat side by side of two snowmen.

Compared to his simple red sweater adorned with stars, Siebren looked almost fashionable. “I think you win the ugly sweater contest,” he smiled.

“Heaven forbid I look good on Christmas Eve,” Harold chuckled. His eyes glanced to the photograph, his laughter fading into a warm smile. “Like the picture?”

“The-the photo?” Siebren cleared his throat loudly, averting his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Siebren, I know you saw it.” Harold grabbed the photo and gazed upon it fondly. Siebren stood behind Harold, looking down on the photo from Harold's shoulder. “You looked good,” Harold said.

“I look smug,” Siebren muttered.

“You look handsome." He placed the photo back, turned around, and stole a kiss from Siebren’s cheek. “This one turned out quite nicely, actually. I'm thinking of taking it to the shop and framing it.”

Siebren blushed. “Really? I-I mean, that’s not necessary. I wouldn’t want to impose.” He rubbed the back of his head.

“It's a good photo. We look cute.” Harold waved Siebren to follow him to the kitchen. “Come on over. I managed to find a store that sells stroopwafels here in Hong Kong. Probably not as great as your homemade ones, but they’ll do in a pinch, right?”

Siebren stared at the photo, his cheeks still pink. He didn’t have the guts to ask Harold why he went through the effort of printing and framing that particular photo. Sure, they were dating, but for less than a year. He didn’t think he had that much impact on Harold’s life—not enough to warrant a framed photo of his face in Harold’s home, at least. A man’s home is a sacred, special place, after all. A single photo on a man’s living room, when there were no other photos in sight, that was something significant.

“Siebren, come on. You said you’d make me your boozy eggnog.”

“C-coming,” Siebren stuttered before heading for the kitchen. His lips pursed. “And it’s called advocaat.”

It was clear from the spotlessness of Harold’s kitchen that the man didn’t cook often. The fridge had few edible food items, the pantry mostly consisted of non-perishables, and the pots and pans were a bit too spotless. Still, Harold’s kitchen was as organized as his desk, so it didn’t take long for Siebren to get the ingredients he needed: egg yolks, salt, sugar, brandy and vanilla extract. Harold watched from the opposite side of the kitchen island, chewing on a gingerbread biscuit. Siebren knew better than to ask Harold for help in the kitchen. 

As he cooked the ingredients in a pot, his eyes couldn’t help but drift to the lone hallway, where two doors sat. One was the apartment’s sole bathroom, and the other was Harold’s bedroom. The very same bedroom he was expected to sleep in tonight, within the covers of the bed, next to Harold’s sleeping form. A new wave of heat crept up his cheeks and down his chest.

It wasn’t a new thing for the two of them to sleep together, but that was all that ever occurred, never anything more. It was different back on Horizon One because they were on a space station where professionalism and thin doors were the standard, where sleeping side by side on the same bed is tantamount to scandal. That was as far as they allowed themselves to bend the rules, if not out of fear of losing their jobs then to protect the tentative peace of the moon base. But now he was here in Harold’s apartment, in Harold’s domain. Horizon One’s rules didn’t matter here. They could be as intimate as they wanted to. Trouble was, Siebren didn’t want to be more intimate. All he wanted to do tonight was curl up by Harold’s side and dream pleasant dreams. He wasn’t sure if Harold felt the same way now that they were back on Earth.

He filled various mugs with the bright orange advocaat mixture, being careful not to spill anything on the pristine kitchen countertop. Harold helped him put them into the fridge where they will refrigerate. Afterwards, they made themselves comfortable on Harold’s couch. Harold turned on the TV to a web streaming service before passing the remote to Siebren.

His eyes lingered on Siebren’s feet. “You know, you can take off your socks if you want, Siebren.”

“Really? Finally.” Overeagerly, Siebren whipped the socks off his feet and stuffed them into his pant pocket. By his side, Harold stifled a laugh. Siebren frowned. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just so cute how excited you got over it,” Harold giggled.

“Bare feet promote better circulation for the legs.” Harold gave him a withering smile. Siebren added, with a pout, “My feet get sweaty.”

“There it is,” Harold laughed. His arm wrapped around Siebren’s neck.

Siebren’s response was to wrap his arm around Harold’s waist as he flicked through the meager listings. He wasn’t completely surprised that Harold’s taste largely seemed to compromise of Asian historical dramas, not that Siebren was a fan of them. Documentaries and sci-fi shows were more his thing. He clicked on search. “Any preference?”

“Nothing really.” Harold rested his head on Siebren’s shoulder. “Something simple with a nice story. Doesn’t necessarily have to be Christmas related.”

“I believe what you just told me is a preference,” Siebren smirked.

Harold rolled his eyes, amused. “Just pick the movie, tiger.”

Siebren’s eyes narrowed a little as he clicked in and out of a few movies, none of them satisfying his tastes. After a while, he clicked on a bunch of boxes in various different filters. The counter of available movies on the top left hand corner ticked down.

“Siebren, you’re not searching for a research paper. This is just a movie,” Harold laughed.

“But how else are we going to optimize our movie watching? By highlighting key words, sorting by genre, rating, and ranking, we shall theoretically get the perfect movie that will satisfy both our tastes. Observe.”

Millions of movies came down to just one. In the genre listing it’s titled as ‘vintage’ and ‘animated’. A rusted, cubical robot waved happily against the backdrop of what appeared to be another planet, the Earth glowing an ethereal blue in the distance. An old Disney film called 'Wall-E'.

The two men paused, looked at each other, and shrugged. Siebren pressed play on the remote, and the two of them curled up into each other, pressed so close that they could feel each other’s body heat. Harold is comfortable and warm in his arms, a welcoming distraction from the mysteries of the universe. 

The movie turned out to be surprisingly good fun, although perhaps not for the reasons intended by its creators. Harold was overanalyzing the movie’s themes as it relates to the Adam and Eve myth, while Siebren makes a game out of pointing out all the scientific errors within the movie. Harold kept his mouth shut when the plant was introduced, but became very vocal once the spaceship shot up into space.

“Aren't there sensors for this? Did they not refuel the spaceship?”

“I know,” Siebren laughed, amused to see Harold get so passionate. “And this is supposed to be for a scouting mission for a single robot.”

“I’m one person, and I've been in spaceships 5 times smaller than that. Why don’t I get a gigantic missile like that when I go up to space?”

“Maybe if you become a robot, you’ll get special treatment.”

Harold slapped his own forehead, snickering. “Heavens, no. I rather like being human.” He turned to Siebren, eyes low, his voice dripped with innuendo. “Some things you just can’t do as a robot.”

Siebren gulped loudly, keeping his face forward to the TV. Harold let it slide, sniggering to himself, quieting as his attention was inevitably drawn back to the movie.

The rest of the movie passed by in relative silence, the two of them only piping up if they saw something worth discussing. Still, even the scientific improbability of a colony of humans traveling the stars for thousands of years could not distract them from the love story that was core to the movie. Though the two robots never said a word, their love was as clear as day. In a strange way, it reminded Siebren so much of his romance with Harold. So much of their love was expressed through actions and song, not words. 

In the final moments of the movie, the main character robot had reverted to factory settings, removing the personality and autonomy that made it human. Siebren reached for Harold’s hand, the contact leaving electric sparks. He sucked in a breath, his eyes darting to the side. Harold brushed his hand on his jaw, pulling his head to face him. The two robots shared a tender kiss, their love restored, the Earth panned away to reveal the dirt and debris that floated outside its atmosphere, but Siebren didn’t see any of this. All he could see was his own image, reflected in Harold’s wanting eyes. ‘It only takes a moment’ from Hello, Dolly! echoed throughout the room as Harold ran his thumb over Siebren’s chin.

And that is all, that love’s about

And we’ll recall, when times runs out

Siebren’s eyes closed as he felt the hot breath hit his cheeks, calculated the estimated time of impact when lips crashed against lips. Harold looped his arms past his waist, pressing pause on the remote. The movie had been paused, but the lyricists still kept singing their love song in Siebren’s head, their voices the only thing Siebren can hear aside from his own heavy breaths.

That it only took a moment

To be loved

A whole life long

Siebren barely registered the faint scent of apples before lips—then tongue—pressed against his mouth with the impact of a meteor. His hands felt for Harold’s shoulders, bracing from the shudders of the aftershock. The string lights illuminated Harold in prismatic colours, his tongue a solar flare that burned Siebren from the inside out. Siebren’s mouth eagerly opened, flicking his tongue, desperate to mimic the very actions that threatened to unravel the very molecules that made up his body. He was at Harold’s mercy, intoxicated on Harold’s taste, trapped underneath Harold’s love.

Harold shifted beside him, lifting one leg so he could straddle Siebren. His smile was small but indulgent. His eyes twinkled like the stars. His hands trailed down to Siebren’s stomach, hovering over Siebren’s thick thighs, fingers twitching in anticipation. Whispers of Harold's lust hovered in the air, choking the once-clear air.

It's all too much for Siebren. Too much, too soon.

His eyes flew open, a hand pushing Harold away slightly. The distance between them widened by two centimetres, but it was enough to make Harold stop and take pause. Harold stared at him dumbly; clarity had yet to filter into his body.

“Siebren?” He whispered breathily. “Do you want to take this to the bedroom?”

“I…n-no, I…” He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted this, this moment, this kiss, but no more than that. He wasn’t ready for what came next. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready.

“Siebren?” Harold repeated.

“Mijn Schatje, I…” Siebren sighed. “I’m…I’m sorry. I’m not ready for…” he pouted. “M-maybe I should find a hotel for tonight instead.”

“W-what? Why?”

“I know what you want. What you want to do to me, o-or what you want me to do to you, but I’m not ready. If you ask me to sleep with you, I’ll just lead you on and…well...” Siebren coughed loudly into his fist, his cheeks crimson in shame.

“Siebren, did you…I didn’t mean to…” Harold’s eyebrows scrunched together. He gazed down to where he sat on Siebren’s lap and took the glasses off his face, placing them on the side table beside the sofa. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, fingertips disappearing into chocolate brown strands. "I didn't mean to push you."

Silence hung between their bodies, thick and impenetrable. All they could do was stare at each other, trying to interpret meaning and emotion behind shimmering eyes.

Siebren ran a soft hand over Harold’s stubble, tracing a pattern of his own creation. Harold leaned into Siebren’s touch, his eyes flutter closed. Their heartbeats slowed down to the beat of the metronome. The tension slowly evaporated from their shoulders.

“I should have mentioned this earlier,” Siebren whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Harold shook his head. “Don’t apologise. You’ve got your limits, I understand. That won’t stop me from loving you.”

“I still want to continue this,” Siebren said. “The kissing, the touching. What we usually do.” He looked away bashfully. “Nothing more than that, if that's okay with you.”

Harold smiled, relieved. “I understand perfectly, my x­­īn gān.”

Siebren had never heard Harold use that particular nickname before, but he thought it must be important when Harold’s hands pressed on his chest and kissed him delicately on the lips. He kissed back eagerly, pulling Harold so close he could hear his heartbeat thumping in his chest. Fingers glide over Siebren's shoulders, relaxing him. Siebren hummed in pleasure. Yes, this was what he wanted.

They caressed each other, give and take, tracing over cheeks and necks and shoulders and arms. Harold tilted his head to the side, silent permission for Siebren to leave his mark on his skin. And Siebren took it, sucking lightly, just enough for Harold to sigh deeply. 

“Are you OK with this?” Siebren breathed into Harold’s skin.

Harold’s eyes fluttered, a lazy smile growing. “I’ll be happy with anything as long as it’s from you,” he said. He meant every word , and Siebren knew it. He let out a quiet smile, glad and relieved that he had such a kind, wonderful man by his side.

Arms snaked around Siebren’s neck, pressing kisses on his jaw. “Harold,” he sighed.

“Stay,” he pleaded. “It’s cold outside.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. “It’s 18 degrees outside. I’m already sweating in this sweater,” he said.

“Then I’ll be cold without you.” His lips nibbled Siebren’s Adam’s apple. “Stay with me tonight. Please.”

Siebren responded with a kiss to the bridge of Harold’s nose and a smile. Siebren allowed himself to be led out of the living room, past the kitchen and the lone hallway to Harold’s quaint little bedroom. He had very little time to admire the plain bookshelf and the twinkling lights of the Hong Kong skyline before Harold pulled him to the bed. A laugh escaped Siebren’s throat as Harold wrapped his arms around his body, pressing the two of them so close he could feel the rise and fall of Harold’s chest. They didn't stop touching and kissing each other. 

It's hours when their kisses became less passionate and more lazy, their sighs and groans tinted with sleep. Harold traced his thumb over Siebren’s cheekbone, his eyes half-lidded and fond. “Nǐ de yǎn jing hěn měi,” Harold sighed.

Siebren smiled sleepily. “What does that mean?”

“You’ve got beautiful eyes,” Harold responded.

Siebren blushed. “And what about the other one you said earlier? Xin Gan, I think it was?” He probably butchered the pronounciation.

“A secret," Harold giggled.

Siebren hummed quietly to himself, enjoying the melody of Harold's soft laughter. This was what he wanted, to be in Harold’s arms like this, to hear the song of Harold's life thumping in his chest, constant and even. “May I say something in Dutch to you?” He asked quietly.

“Go for it.”

“Ik hou van jou,” he said. “Mijn favoriete plekje is samen met jou zijn.”

“What does that mean?”

“A secret,” Siebren smirked.

Harold huffed, eliciting another quiet chuckle from Siebren. “I’ll find out one day,” Harold declared, his voice laced with mirth and joy. “Just you wait, I will take Dutch lessons, and I will find out what you're saying.”

“It’s good things, don't you worry, mijn schatje," he said. “Wonderful, magnificent things.”

They fell asleep like this, their limbs wrapped around the other, content smiles strewn across their face. Though Siebren was in Harold’s apartment, sleeping in Harold’s bed, he couldn’t help but feel like he had finally found a place he could call home. 

His dreams were short, and he forgot what happened in them when the morning rose, but he remembered that they were blissfully peaceful and pleasant. They pressed light kisses on each other's cheeks as they woke up, drank the advocaat Siebren made the night before from the fridge, and unwrapped the presents beneath Harold’s Christmas tree. Siebren got Harold a stuffed gorilla with glasses that bared more than a passing resemblance to Specimen 28. Harold in turn got him hot pink bamboo socks.

Siebren gave Harold a withering look. "Seriously?" he said, upon which the latter laughed.

Harold brought out a second gift hidden behind the couch—"the real present", he claimed. Siebren was careful to not rip the wrapping paper, revealing a simple but large cardboard box. Inside the box, nestled beneath the stuffing, was a framed photo. It’s a photo of the two of them—the very same photo that sat in the corner of Harold’s living room, in fact, only enlarged. The frame was painted bronze and adorned with classical architecture motifs, making the photo within seem more intimate.

"It was such a good photo I thought I should frame it," Harold said. He gazed fondly at the photo. "You really do look handsome here."

Now Siebren could see what Harold saw. As he gazed at his own, younger face, he didn’t look smug or cocky, as he initially thought. He looked like a man who was absolutely in love.

If he could glance at his reflection, he figured the same expression on the photo was stricken across his face.

Harold pecked Siebren on the cheek. His smile was warm and welcoming like the sunrise. “Merry Christmas, Siebren.”

“Merry Christmas,” Siebren smiled. He bit back a sniffle. Tears began to well up.

“Are you…are you crying?” Harold chuckled.

“N-no! It’s the Styrofoam you put in this box.” He cleared his throat excessively loud, a diversion to distract Harold while he blinked away the tears. “P-perhaps I need another cup of advocaat.”

“Oh, tiger, if only I knew the photo would get you so emotional," Harold laughed, louder than before. "You look so cute when you’re flustered.”

“I am not cute, Harold,” Siebren pouted, which only seemed to convince Harold even more that he was cute. The rest of the Christmas morning was Siebren trying (and failing) to explain to Harold why a middle-aged man of his stature and appearance could not be cute.

[inaroomfulloflockeddoors-jm]

A, D and M (all the alters in the system)

Jim Sebastian James Richard

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

I still am young. I don’t know, drawing? I was formed at age 20 and not discovered until the body was 30, I was 33. There was no young. (Really I just can’t think of anything). What? Splitting into 10 personalities in my life isn’t enough? Killing? I started at 10.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Art! I always done the art classes and things at school! Helping James kill I suppose? Name a computer/electronics club school had and I was in it. Astrology related things and like maths, sciences.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Writing, I like to think I can do well with it. Silence and stealth. Living with these three. Taking apart and putting a computer back together. Running a large business that covers the world.

4. what things are they bad at?

Adult stuff, all of it. Being quite when a perfect opportunity arises. Also, living with these three. Coping, not being clusmey, people skills. To steal Jim’s, people skills. Staying calm.

5. what is their most impressive talent? Going to answer these about each other.

Brother is actually really funny and kind, I consider that a talent. Richard is really good at drawing and painting. Jim can calm down anyone in a panic, even James. Sebastian’s is not knowing when to put his foot in his mouth.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Very colourful and bright. Cozy and warm I would hope. I don’t know, modestly with what I already have, more modern I guess. Like Rich, cozy and warm, maybe a little more old fashioned. I’m not too much for modern. Expensive, high end, modern. Black whites and greys, maybe a little red.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Maybe like nature themed, cute little forest animals, like Bambi or something, cute little rabbits. I think that would be cute. I don’t know, basics, blue or pink and brown, go well together, I’m sure the kid won’t care. Cartoons for kids, like Winnie the Pooh maybe, pastel colors, cute. Space themed, stars, moons planets. Darker colors, better for sleeping and calming.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Bright, colorful, I would say a little childish I guess but comforting. Not dark, not bright. It’s more on the empty side, bed, dresser, a couple pictures, basic. Light enough, there’s quite a bit of blue and grey and white. Quite a few plants as well. Dark, black and red. Very little light. There’s a space painting.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

T-shirts Jeans, button downs. I may own a skirt or two. Old jeans solid tee’s I have a leather jacket. I normally go with Sebs but like French tuck, underwear showing, a nice necklace, bracelet or watch. Well tailored suits. Typically Westwood.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

Yesss!!! Nope. Nails, fine. Other than that not really. No, hair perhaps? Bashed is forgetting he spends the most time on hair

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

Umm either really. Son if I had to. Daughter, at least one a son wouldn’t be bad. Son? I guess. Wouldn’t mind a little girl.

2. how many children do they want?

Maybe two in the distance future? None. Two or three would be nice I think. Depends on who the mother is. One, maybe two.

3. would they be a good parent?

Yes, I’d do th best I could, anything for the kid. If I was in the situation I’d make sure they were safe I guess. Of course I would be, I’m a caregiver, that’s what I do. Make sure they’re safe and happy and healthy. I don’t have a kid yet but already I’d kill anyone that tried to hurt them.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

I don’t know! I haven’t thought this through, I’d try to make it something I think sounds cute. I’d let the other parent name them, I haven’t considered a crotch goblin before. I have a list that it might be fun to narrow down with the other parent. I don’t know, figure it out together? I just now started thinking of this.

5. would they adopt?

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind that, really adoption or one of the others having a kid would be the only way I’d have one, being ace and all. I guess, it would be weird to say no. I was adopted and yeah, I’d love to get another little kid or more out of a place like that. Yeah, I suppose, like Rich there’s only two options, I can’t have kids of my own.

[queenofmahishmati]

Hi Sharme!! Hope you're well and finally got to sleep 💖💖💖💖 For the ask thingy - 1 - 20 please 😄💐💖💝 xxx

Awww thank you so much Neha 💕 indeed, I’m finally home, took a little nap and here I am. Also hoping to catch on my sleep all through the weekend xoxo

And guys, brace yourself. Playing 20 questions is going to be long here lol…

Ask game ⇢

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I have more milk than cereal because I looove to drink up the cereal flavoured milk after. Imma Dork yeah.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

On my cheek… maybe?? On my nose— definitely no. So I wrap up my scarf extra tight around my face on cold winter mornings. 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

LOL, I just glanced at the two books on my side table right now and one has my comb in it and the other has my nail filer as bookmarks. I usually use my flight tickets cause I have a lot of them.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Only tea. No coffee ((except pumpkin spice lattes)). I take my tea with milk, one spoon full of brown sugar and a pinch of homemade spice mix for tea. Masala tea, anyone?!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Nope. But if a picture is being clicked somewhere, then heck yes. 

6: do you keep plants?

I kill my plants. But I try. I swear I try.

(( rest under cut lovely people ))

7: do you name your plants?

I tend not to cause I don’t wanna feel like I murdered my own babies. But they are not really babies cause tiny humans keep making noise and I’d know its time to feed them unlike the silent plant beings. Last week though, I bought this tiny string of pearls in a cute lil pumpkin pot and I have named him dobby. I love string pearls okay, and after my tag rant on a particular hp post yesterday, I named him dobby today.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I can always rant to my friends. But I write it all out mostly. I have three different journals for a reason and a regular diary to scribble everything else in.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

I hum to myself at times. Not a great singer here with my screechy voice, excuse me.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I sleep on my side, I curl up on myself with a pillow for my feet and on my sides. No pillow for my head though, I have a sensitive neck.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

My… name. Yes, my name is a running joke in my friends’ circle.

12: what’s your favorite planet?

You kidding me?? Its Earth. Until they find an equally awesome planet to live in, Earth would be my favourite.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

My mum sending me random pictures of every little thing she’s packing up in my diwali care package. I can’t wait to get my hands on it!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

If you consider Edinburgh a big city, I have already lived that scenario with my best friend in a charming old flat right in the middle of the city. And I loved every minute of it. Wish I could go back to those simpler times. My entire adult life, like ever since I was 17 I have lived only with friends. 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Unlike Earth’s cool as a cucumber Moon, other planets in the solar system have a hell lot of weird moons is what I learnt from my latest google search. Like take Saturn for example, one moon has a dark and light face like some jedi/sith war for generations, other has liquid on its surface but that liquid is not water, and the spectacular rings around the planet could be from a smashed moon. Jupiter has a moon that has volcanoes exploding all over it like hellfire. Uranus has a very broken looking moon that could still be crumbling until the next time we get a good picture of it. And lets not forget about all the weird storms that have been raging on Jupiter and Saturn for centuries, yes for Centuries. Yikes!! Also, did you know there’s this massive black hole coming for us at a speed of 5 million miles?? But its still 8 billion light years away. I’m not good at math but I’m guessing its gonna take another million years before it reaches us?? I may look upon the stars fondly and even love them, but the unending darkness in the outer space TERRIFIES me.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Eaaaasyyy. Lasagna. I love me some meat lasagna. I don’t have the patience to make one though.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I already answered this. I’d love to have a deep dark red ombre effect going on in my hair.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

One dumbest thing I did was write my own name as Shareme, in a test paper nonetheless cause I was extremely sleepy that day. My professor called that out specifically when he gave back the graded papers and ever since that day, my name is a running joke for everyone. A funny thing, there is this one group picture from our various trips where I have my eyes obviously stuck on my crush (long past) and of course my friend who clicked it posted it on social media and EVERYONE had something to say about it…ughhhh. It’s still embarrassing to think about that picture. 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I keep three journals and one diary. I write all happy memories in one, sad emotional stuff in the other, and things for future in the third one. My diary is for jotting down story ideas, doodling or plain ass scribbling from top of a page to the very bottom. 

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

Brown. Period. Other eye colours are cool to look at and I at times find them beautiful too. But I love brown eyes. It’s familiar. It’s comfort. It’s home.