#6x14 spec

[chaosandwolves]

So uhm I saw this post by @poughkeepsies and started writing about it to @shortsighted-owl and suddenly this whole thing was written and I thought I'd share it with you

Thank you to @spookylexicon for helping me to make sure to use the right Spanish endearments here

6x14 coda, 1,2 k words, coming out, read on AO3

The colors of my heart

"Eddito you're not even trying, are you?"

"I'm sorry Pepa. I didn't want to disappoint you. It's just..."

"Did you not like her?"

"No, no she was great. Just like the others... I just,"

"Come on. Spit it out, what's going on."

Eddie, absolutely exhausted, swipes a hand over his face and falls into the chair next to Pepa.

His face is slightly crunched up as if he's not sure where to take the words from for what he's about to say. "I, uhm...."

He looks at his hands and forces himself to let go of the tension so that his fists fall open.

He wiggles his fingers a few times and says, "I'm... There is... I mean…"

It's really so ridiculous. It's not like he's seven and telling his father that he wants to marry his best friend and being chided for even thinking such things.

It's not like he's 15 and trying his hardest to fall for a girl, any girl, while his eyes keep wandering back to wherever Miles is.

It's not like he's 23 and in the army where some of the men get comfortable with each other, "to release some stress" and Eddie is terrified of what stirs in his chest.

He's here at his Tia's who has always loved and supported him and he knows she won't judge. Yet the words won't even form in his mind, let alone shape on his tongue.

He almost flinches when suddenly Pepa's hand is covering his. "Eddie, you know you can tell me everything, right?"

Eddie blinks a few times and realizes that his vision is blurry. He clears his throat and sits up, still not looking at his aunt. "Yeah. Yeah of course."

For a moment the silence seeps into every cell of him and it makes him twitchy and uncomfortable. It's not how he imagined this. Hell, he hadn't imagined it at all to be honest. So far he only had made careful remarks in therapy and Frank had been gracious enough to signal that he's open to talk about it but didn't push Eddie.

He hasn't talked with anyone about it. Most of the time his own thoughts are only vaguely shimmering in his mind and the only person he actually wants to talk to about it.... Well... That's just complicated, ok?

"Are you... I mean, is there someone else?" Pepa suddenly asks him, her hand still on Eddie's and talking in this soft voice as if she's talking to Chris who's upset about something.

Eddie doesn't know where he takes the courage from but he nods, "Yeah."

And even just admitting this bit out loud has such an impact on Eddie's body that he shudders. A nervous yet warm feeling spreads from his chest and dances over his skin in soft tingles.

Pepa leans back, still not letting go of Eddie's hand and he can hear the smile in her voice, "Ah. I see."

"Yeah," Eddie repeats again, not knowing how to expand on it.

He can feel Pepa's gaze on him. And he wants to be confident about it, he wants to hold his head up high and puff out his chest and say the words cause he's not ashamed. He isn't. There had been a time where he was. After he had been taught that it's something to feel ashamed about.

And repressing it had worked for a long time. But when he told his father months ago that he wants to get better for himself, Eddie already knew that unpacking this particular shame would be a big part of it. He may not be able to be proud of it just yet but he's not ashamed and he's made his peace with it a while ago even though he hasn't said any of it out loud yet.

In a moment of courage he glances over at Pepa whose eyes are still on him, her expression soft and carefully attentive.

He opens his mouth and almost blurts it out but a car honks nearby and Eddie loses his momentum.

He averts his eyes and looks out over the front porch.

Pepa squeezes his hand lightly and asks, "Do they deserve your love?" And Eddie swallows, very aware of how open, how gender neutral, this question is.

But he nods immediately, not even having to think about the answer for a second.

"Good," Pepa says.

A few seconds pass and Eddie knows it's his turn now.

Pepa has reached out to him as far as she dared, nudged him without pushing him and has handed the reins over to him.

The nervousness prickles under his skin and suddenly he can't bear to not move anymore. He shoots up to his feet but is so surprised by his own action that he doesn't know what to do next.

In an attempt to ground himself and find his footing again, he drives his hands through his hair and lets out a long breath. For a second he contemplates running but instead of moving forward his body turns and he looks right into Pepa's eyes.

"I'm," the word is already formed in his mouth and he can taste it on his tongue but somehow it refuses to be released into the open.

Pepa holds his gaze and slowly stands up. She takes a step towards Eddie, reaches out and curls her slim fingers around his biceps. "Eddito. You don't have to,"

And suddenly, without his doing, the word explodes out of him, "Gay. I'm.. I'm gay and Buck.. It's.. I.. Buck."

Eddie freezes as he hears the words leaving his mouth and his eyes go wide in shock. The following seconds stretch and stretch and Eddie feels like if he moves now the air around him will shatter. He's already bracing himself for the loud 'boom' of an explosion, for the irritating crunch of glass under his boots. But instead of being thrown back against the wall by the shockwave, he's gently pulled forward. "Oh Eddito, come here," he hears Pepa saying while her arms wrap around him. It takes him a solid five seconds to shake off the shock and then he can't hold himself back and he squeezes Pepa against his chest.

He has no idea how long they stand there holding each other. But when Pepa pulls back his heart feels just that little less sore around the edges.

Pepa doesn't let go of him, instead grabs him by his arm again and cups his cheek with the other hand. "I am so proud of you cariño." And Eddie doesn't even try to blink back the tears that are rapidly welling up in his eyes. For a few more heartbeats they just look and smile at each other before Pepa hugs him again, shorter this time.

When she takes a step back a somewhat mischievous grin brightens her face. "So, Buck?"

Eddie laughs. Pepa nods, "I can see that. He's a good one."

"Yeah, he is," Eddie agrees.

Pepa pets his cheek and lets out a breath. "Ok. Let's go inside. It's time to make dinner and I can teach you a secret family recipe you can make for your Buck that'll make him fall in love with you." She winks at him and Eddie groans, "Tia. No." But he follows behind her with his head held high, his chest puffed out and a faint sense of pride pulsing in his chest.

[wikiangela]

so I see that we all agree that Eddie goes home to Buck and Chris after the date

but consider this: they're already dating (like, got together after the poker date or smth) and it's very early and new so they're not telling anyone yet, so he goes on these dates as a courtesy to Pepa but really he's already in a relationship (and Buck's cool with this and even teases him about the dates)... aka a secret relationship era

idk, shit, I think I'm about to write something lol

[ilostyou]

my latest 911 theory is that buck will still be in the coma until beg/mid 6x12 and then 6x13 will be him fully recovered and we won't have much of his hospital stay/recovery process other than him at home with someone (maddie? eddie?) immediately following his discharge

[having-conniptions]

Ok so last week we saw Eddie kinda dating and realizing that he doesn't want to die alone, this week there's no mention of any more recent dates but he still doesn't wanna die alone

And this week Buck goes on a date and realizes he wants to be seen and heard and understood so what if next week there's also no mention of any dates but still that "I need someone to get me"

And that's when it clicks for both of them? Bc they've both tried to date women to find what they're looking for and both gave up immediately bc that's not where they're finding it bc it's been there all along?? Because they have each other???

I'm gonna go feral

[sorryimlatecapt]

something about Eddie telling Bobby he hasn't collected his thoughts and needs to go do more collecting. something something about being asked to put his thoughts and feelings to the forefront and panicking. something something about Eddie not feeling ready to express those thoughts and feelings yet, even when 'only' in relation to Bobby. something something about the performance of it all and not putting on a performance for the people that matter the most, only you have to collect the pieces of yourself to put forward in order Not to perform. the to be seen is to be found of it all

[princessamericachavez]

911 6x14 Spec

By the time Eddie gets home he’s welcomed by the distinct smell of Bobby’s shepherd pie recipe, which he knows for a fact Buck’s been perfecting during their shifts. It smells homey and comforting and absolutely wonderful. 

He follows the smell to the kitchen, where Buck’s washing the dishes. He’s wearing a soft navy hoodie with the sleeves rolled up and has a white drying towel slung over his shoulder. He looks at ease and comfortable and suddenly Eddie feels terribly overdressed. 

“Hey,” he calls as he walks in, taking off the red jacket his tia had insisted on for tonight. 

Buck turns around, eyebrows high with surprise. 

“You’re home early.”

“Yeah, it was... faster than I expected,” Eddie huffs a laugh, hanging the jacket on the back of a chair before sitting on it. 

“I know you said you were letting her down easy,” Buck says, turning around with his back against the counter, “but I thought you’d at least make it through dinner.”

“There was no dinner. She took me to a nightclub.”

“For a first date?” Buck laughs. “With you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” It can’t be that weird for Eddie to go out dancing every once in a while. He’s thirty four, not eighty.

“Nothing, nothing! Just not what I would- never mind. Still, that’s good, right? It’s an easier place to just tell her you’re not interested.”

“You’d think,” Eddie huffs. “But she beat me to it.”

“Wait- She turned you down?” Buck’s voice is colored by something between shock and indignation, like the sole idea of not wanting to date him is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. 

“Yeah, she said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but her tia keeps setting her up, too. So we just decided on some fake date story and called it quits after a margarita.”

Buck seems pensive at that, for a moment, before he turns his ever curious eyes towards him. 

“Well, you said you didn’t want something serious either. Kinda sounds like the perfect match, actually, if you guys just wanted to have some fun,” he says, trying to be light, but Eddie knows him well enough to notice some caution behind his words, some trace of suspicion. 

“First of all, I never said I don’t want something serious, okay? I do,” and for some reason it seems important to him that Buck understands that bit of information. “I just... I’m not sure if I’m ready for it. Not yet, anyway.”

Ana María’s remark about not wanting her own heart broken echoes in the back of his head. 

“And second of all...?” Buck asks, eyeing him intensely. 

“Second of all, even if I didn’t want something serious, dating around and just going out... I don’t know if it’s for me. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it, but being a single dad makes it complicated. I’m not letting anyone into Chris’s life unless I know I want them to stick around forever.”

Something curious happens to Buck’s face then. The expression that flashes through his eyes is a mix of confusion and delight and surprise that eventually overflows into tearfulness. It lasts a millisecond before Buck duck’s his head, trying to hide a smile, and turns around with his focus back on the dirty dishes... 

Eddie knows his best friend’s heart like he knows his own and doesn’t need any mind-reading powers to know exactly what just happened. Some day, Eddie swears, he’ll get Buck to stop looking so surprised by the fact that Eddie wants him in his life. 

“Speaking of Chris,” Buck says, with his back turned to Eddie, “he’s supposed to be in bed already, but I’m pretty sure he’s been sneaking the Percy Jackson book under the covers when he thinks I’m not looking.”

Eddie laughs at that, shaking his head. 

“I was planning on checking on him in a bit, to make sure he was sleeping,” Buck adds, like he’s trying to show Eddie he can be a responsible adult even if he has to play the mildly bad cop. 

“I’ll do it and kiss him goodnight,” he says, standing up. 

As he walks to the door, he can hear Buck getting back to work on the dishes. It makes him pause. It doesn’t seem fair that his friend, on top of helping him look after Chris, has to clean everything up. 

“You can leave that, Buck. I’ll take care of it tomorrow morning.”

Buck half turns to look at him with a confused frown. 

“Eddie, I’m not gonna just leave you with this mess. You know Bobby taught me better than that,” he smirks. “Besides, I’m nearly done. I don’t mind.”

The easy earnest in his voice makes something inside Eddie’s chest melt with fondness. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. You know I’m happy to be here,” Buck waves it off. “Go kiss, Chris.”

Eddie makes sure to make noise as he approaches his son’s bedroom and he pretends not to hear the rustling of bedsheets before he opens the door. Christopher is still too young to realize how obvious his not-sleeping-breathing is, but Eddie pretends to buy it as he kisses his forehead and brushes his curls out of his forehead. He puts the book away on the bookshelf, for good measure, and leaves the door slightly open before he walks back out. 

By the time he makes it back to the kitchen, the place is nearly spotless and there’s a plate of warm shepherd’s pie on the kitchen table. He stares at it, then at Buck, who shrugs with a sheepish smile that is way too cute for a man his size. 

“You said you didn’t get to eat dinner. Figured you must be hungry.”

The thoughtfulness of the gesture makes Eddie’s insides melt once more. His chest feels like it might burst with whatever feeling is expanding inside it. 

“Starving, actually,” he admits, sitting down. 

Buck opens the fridge and hands him a beer. 

“Wanna join me?” Eddie asks, pointing to the chair in front of him. 

“I already ate,” Buck laughs, “two servings, actually. But I’ll have a beer with you.”

Eddie watches as Buck pulls a second beer from the fridge and sits across from him, waiting until they are both seated to start eating (his mom drilled manners into him, after all). 

...and that’s how the night ends in a much sweeter note than he expected. He eats Buck’s homemade food, they drink together, one, two, three beers and maybe get a little tipsy while they talk about life, work and everything in between. Eddie laughs more than he did the whole night out and insists Buck crash his couch because it’s too late to get an Uber home (it isn’t that late, actually, but it’s ridiculous that Buck’d need to go home all alone at this point when Eddie has a perfectly good and comfortable couch). 

While Eddie helps Buck prepare his makeshift bed, his friend catches him off guard: 

“So, do you think you’ll ever be ready? I- I mean... to start dating again. For something real.”

Buck pins him with a pair of tired blue eyes, hopeful like they’d been after the lightning strike, and a little sad too. 

“Yeah... yeah, I think I’m getting there. I think... I think it depends on the person, most of all.”

“Right,” Buck nods, thoughtfully. 

“In the meantime, I gotta figure out what to do with tia Pepa. She’s not gonna relent so easily.”

“Just tell her you’re already seeing someone,” Buck shrugs, flopping down on the couch with a sigh. He closes his eyes and melts down on the soft cushions with a small smile across his lips. “You can tell her you’re dating me or something, if it’ll get her off your back.”

Eddie should laugh and brush it off, because Buck is jut kidding, but the idea makes a little too much sense to discard it just yet. 

“I might take you up on that.”

Buck’s eyes open and stare at him with pure shock that startles a laugh out of him. 

“As a last resort.”

“Ouch. I’m that bad an option, uh?” Buck winces. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“Not bad, but if I tell her that then she’s never gonna let it go and I don’t think you want her grilling you forever on how our relationship is going.”

“You’re assuming she’d believe you.”

“Right, she’d never buy it,” Eddie huffs, smiling down at his best friend. “I don’t think I’m your type.”

Buck squints up at him, a little too serious. “What do you think my type is, Diaz?”

Girls. Redheads. Emotionally unavailable women who’ll hurt you and leave you and that I’ll quietly hate forever for it. Definitely not single dads still trying to figure out their messy lives. Not that Eddie cares.

“Whatever it is, I don’t think I’m pretty enough to qualify,” Eddie similes, giving Buck’s bent knee a pat. “Sleep well, man.”

He’s tired, and tipsy, and a little confused, so he’s pretty sure he imagines it when he turns off the lights and hears Buck whisper in the dark living room, “You’re definitely pretty enough.”

[sibylsleaves]

all at once you are the one i have been waiting for

7k | rated T | read on ao3

Days after the lightning strike, showing up at Eddie’s door, falling asleep on his couch. Buck had come to him. And Eddie had thought, maybe. Had thought, it’s almost time. And so he’d gotten him all dressed up and taken him out and they’d had fun and they’d laughed and maybe even flirted and Eddie had been so goddamn happy, so excited for what the future held. They were right at the threshold, he’d thought. No more doubts, no more fears, nothing holding them back, just the two of them stepping forward together. And now this.

He doesn’t understand how he could have gotten it so wrong.

or, Buck and Eddie are finally on the same page--until they're not. (A coda for 6x13 and a sort-of spec fic for 6x14/6x15)

When Eddie walks into the kitchen, Buck is pacing, phone clutched to his ear, stuttering and stammering his way through what sounds like the most awkward phone call anyone has ever experienced.

“No, it’s not a dare,” Buck says into the phone. “No, I just—I wanted to know because—statistically speaking—”

His face scrunches in a way that’s definitely not adorable (who would ever think that?) and then he lowers the phone from his face just as he turns and finds Eddie leaning against the kitchen counter.

“She hung up,” Buck explains needlessly, dropping his phone onto the counter.

“Imagine that,” Eddie replies dryly. “Have you been calling women all afternoon?”

They got off shift hours ago, and Eddie took Buck back to the Diaz house where they both crashed out for a well-deserved nap after a busy twenty-four. It’s early evening now, and Eddie just woke up. From the looks of it, Buck’s been awake a lot longer.

“Uh,” Buck says. “You want a beer?”

He pulls two out of the fridge, pops off the tops and comes around the table to hand one to Eddie. He leans up against the counter next to him, so close their shoulders brush. Eddie hides a fond smile by taking a sip.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie asks after a minute. Buck looks at him, eyebrows raised in anticipation. “What the hell are you doing?”

Buck freezes for a second, looking caught-out, and then he ducks his head. “It’s stupid, I know. But you heard that guy…eighty per cent of—”

“Yeah, I heard him,” Eddie agrees. “But how exactly does that lead to you calling up every woman you slept with years ago to see if they had a good time?”

Buck ducks his head again, blushing. “Doesn’t every guy want to know that he satisfied his partner?”

“Sure,” Eddie agrees. “But Buck—”

“I know it’s stupid,” Buck admits, looking down at his beer instead of at Eddie. “But I just…I hate the idea that I didn’t…that I wasn’t…” He swallows. “Good.”

All the amusement and confusion leaves Eddie like an exhale. Because this isn’t about sex, or those women, not really. This is classic Evan Buckley self-worth issues, rearing their head just when it seems like Buck is finally moving past them.

Eddie sets his beer down on the counter behind him and turns so he’s facing Buck completely. “Let me ask you something.”

Buck angles toward him.

“How did you feel about those encounters?”

Buck blinks at him slowly, as if this question has never crossed his mind before. “Well, I…it was fun, you know? It was a release. Got me out of my head.” He takes another sip of beer and then continues, “Looking back, I guess it seems shallow. But at the time…I don’t know. I was so lonely. I wanted…something. Attention. Affection, maybe? I just wanted to feel wanted, for once. Maybe it’s sounds stupid, but even if they were just one-night stands or hookups or whatever, it felt like…a connection. Like I wasn’t completely untethered to the world.”

Eddie has to fight down the feeling that rises in him at Buck’s words, at the vulnerable expression on his face. An ache threatens to swallow his chest, thinking of Buck the way he was then, before Eddie even knew him, just a lost, lonely kid who felt like there was no place on earth he belonged. Eddie’s seen glimpses of that Buck—the one who squared up to him when Eddie first joined the 118 because he felt like his place there was threatened. The one that withdrew into himself and tried to sue his way back into a job that he felt like he was nothing without. 

The one that looked Eddie in the eye in a hospital room and said, I think it might’ve been better for him if I was the one who got shot.

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Buck,” Eddie says softly. “I get it, actually. You know, when things really broke down between Shannon and me, sex was the one thing that still made me feel connected to her. Even if I was hurt and couldn’t trust her, it was the one way I felt like I could hold on to her. So I do get it.”

“That’s different,” Buck says, gaze dropping back to the ground. “I mean, she was your wife. I thought I was finding connection with those women but it was only when I was with someone I really cared about that I realized how different it was. When the connection was real.”

“With Abby, you mean,” Eddie says, and he can’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice completely.

Buck just nods. “Yeah. And after her, I knew that any hook-up would only make me feel lonelier. And that was also when I finally…felt connected to the world. To people. Our team. Maddie.” His gaze slides over to Eddie. “To you and Chris.”

Eddie takes a careful breath, holding Buck’s gaze.

“So it felt like I didn’t…need it, the same way. But I guess I do miss it, you know? Not—not sex, exactly. But feeling completely and totally connected to someone in that way.” He drops Eddie’s gaze again. “But part of me also wonders if I’ve ever really had it at all. I felt a connection with Abby. I did. And Ali. And Taylor.”

Eddie seals his lips together to stop himself from making a noise, or a face, that will give him away completely.

“But there was always some part of them…or part of me, that stopped us from having that complete, total connection. Where there are just…no walls, nothing holding you back from each other. Where it’s just total trust, and safety, and…” He stops, like he’s biting back the words he wants to say, and then shakes his head. “So I just wonder, sometimes. What that would be like. Especially now.”

“Now?” Eddie asks, his voice coming out rough.

Buck looks back up at him. Holds his gaze. “Now that I’m finally ready for it.”

(keep reading on ao3)

[bucktommys]

to your front door

buck/eddie | 3k | ao3

silly 6x14 spec fic apologies in advance

Pepa’s been eyeing him all evening, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when she says, “Why aren’t you dating Eddie?”

And yet Buck still nearly veers the car straight off the road. “Jesus,” he gasps, and rights himself just in time before they drive head-first into a lamp post. He would say sorry, except Pepa did also just ask him a question like that, and when he glances over at her she’s entirely unflapped, just coolly watching him with her handbag in her lap.

“Well?” she says, a little impatiently.

“Man, Pepa,” Buck says. “That’s, uh, kinda a big question.”

“No it’s not.” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Eddie is single. You are single. You are good at math, no?”

“Not really, actually,” Buck says. “Also there’s a lot more that goes into relationships than two people being single.”

read on ao3!

[ghosthunterbuck]

a fraction of everything

(buddie) (1.2k words) (6x14 spec) literally forgot that i wrote this like 3 weeks ago so uh enjoy some brief eddie dating spec that does not jive with the current bts

“What’s wrong?” the man sitting across from him asks, not unkindly. 

“Nothing,” Eddie replies automatically. Everything. 

The man smiles and shakes his head. “Not nothing,” he says gently. 

Eddie sighs. “It’s not you.” He flinches internally. 

His dinner companion laughs, throwing his head back and exposing the long column of his neck. In another life, Eddie might think he was beautiful. He might fall in love with him the same way–

“I know it’s not me,” the man says, and fuck, Eddie can’t even remember his name. “So who is it?”

The love of my life, I’m pretty sure. 

“My best friend,” Eddie blurts, surprising himself far more than the man in front of him. 

He hums an acknowledgement. “Been there,” he says knowingly. Cody! That’s his name, Cody. 

“No, I mean… my best friend he– he died about a month ago,” Eddie says quietly. 

Cody’s eyes widen in horror. 

“No, no!” Eddie scrambles to correct. “I mean yes, he died, but he got better.”

“He… got better?” Cody asks weakly. 

Eddie scrubs his hand across his face. “He’s in my will. Father to my son if I’m the one who kicks it.”

Cody blinks several times, digesting. “So you’re, what, looking for another parent?” he ventures. “Accounting’s a pretty safe career,” he jokes. 

“No,” Eddie says. “See that’s the thing. I should be, right? Because I nearly died too, and he risked everything to save me, and it turns out I’d do the same for him so I’ve got to have another plan, right?”

“I’m not sure dating is the most expedient way to get that done.”

“I know,” Eddie says with a wave of his hand. “That’s not– I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, I’m sorry.”

Cody gives him a half smile that should probably set off butterflies in his stomach, but instead just makes him miss another smile, one that’s a little more familiar. “Listen, you buy dinner and we’ll call it even.”

Eddie appreciates the out. “Thanks,” he says genuinely. 

“So if you’re not looking for another parent,” Cody asks, “what are you looking for?”

“I just want to feel–”

“A fraction of what you feel for him?” Cody interrupts. 

Exactly. 

“No, no I– that’s different. He’s different,” Eddie protests, not even convincing himself. 

“I’ll say,” Cody says with a shrug, leaning back in his chair to scrutinize Eddie. “You’re not being fair,” he observes. 

“I know,” Eddie says, “I’m sorry.”

“Not to me,” Cody replies with a shake of his head. “To yourself. Or to that best friend of yours. Where is he right now?”

“Watching our– my kid,” Eddie says with a wince. 

Cody grimaces. “Let me ask you something, Eddie. When he died, how did that feel?”

“I don’t know how to answer that,” Eddie says. 

“No,” Cody muses, “I guess you wouldn’t. Let me ask you something else, then. If your best friend wanted to know how you felt, would he have to ask?”

Eddie is silent for a long moment. “No,” he says finally. “He already knows.”

“Listen Eddie, you’re great. So we’re going to skip dessert,” he says, putting his fork down. 

Eddie’s mouth falls open and he quickly snaps it shut. “I don’t think…”

“We’re going to skip dessert,” Cody repeats meaningfully, “and then you’re going to go home and tell your soulmate exactly how you feel about him.”

Eddie chokes on his own spit. “I never said–” he splutters. 

Cody waves him off. “You didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face. That thing you felt? I’ve felt it too. Only my best friend didn’t get better. So you’re going to go home and stop being too chickenshit to live a life that makes you happy, okay?”

“I think my therapist would like you,” Eddie says faintly. 

Cody laughs. “Good, you can tell him all about me in your next session.”

“I, uh, I probably will.”

“Now pay our tab and go,” Cody says. “And do me a favor.”

“Um, sure,” Eddie says. 

“Text me some time, let me know how it goes.” Cody smiles, wistful and a little sad. “I love a happy ending.”

…

When Eddie gets home, he finds Buck sitting at the kitchen table, brow creased in concentration as he stares at the crossword in front of him, too engrossed to have even noticed Eddie walk in. 

“Hey,” he says softly. 

Buck jumps and swears. “Warn a guy!” he exclaims. “You want me to have another heart attack?”

Eddie fixes him with an unimpressed look. 

Buck sticks his tongue out. 

Eddie snorts. “Real mature, Buck,” he says, sitting down at the table next to him and hooking their ankles together. 

“How was the date?” Buck asks, “You’re home kind of early.”

Eddie smiles. “It was good, really good,” he says, surprised to discover he really means it. 

“Ah,” Buck says, voice almost imperceptibly strained. “So I take it there’s going to be a second?”

“Nope,” Eddie says, popping the ‘p’. 

Confusion paints itself across Buck’s face. “Then what was so good about it?”

“He helped me realize a few things,” Eddie says softly. 

Buck’s gaze snaps to him. “He?” 

Eddie bites his lip, then nods. 

“And you… realized something?” Buck asks tentatively. 

Eddie hums. “I realized he isn’t what I’m looking for,” he says. 

“Oh,” Buck says quietly, looking away. 

“He’s not what I’m looking for because… I already found that,” Eddie says in a rush. 

“With… with one of the other dates?” Buck ventures. 

Eddie shakes his head and huffs out a soft laugh. “No you idiot,” he says. “With you.”

For a moment, the sound of a pin dropping would be as loud as a sonic boom. 

“Me?” Buck whispers, looking up at Eddie with shining eyes. 

“When I–” Eddie swallows harshly and takes a deep breath. “When I got shot, I thought I understood what you went through. Between the ladder truck and– Shannon, I thought… but I was wrong, Buck, I was so wrong. I’m sorry. But when you–” 

“When I died?” Buck prompts gently when Eddie doesn’t continue. 

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “It was different. It was so much worse. I was– I’ve never felt like that in my life, and I never want to feel that way again. And you know me,” Eddie says softly. 

“I do,” Buck confirms. 

“I pushed it down, and anything that reminded me of it. And as it turns out, everything I feel about you reminds me of it.”

“Eddie,” Buck begins, but cuts himself off when Eddie shakes his head. 

“The only thing that shatters a person like that,” Eddie says slowly, “is loving someone so completely that the idea of a world without them is impossible.”

“Yeah,” Buck says, closing his eyes. “Yeah it is.”

The room fills with silence, but it’s not the oppressive kind, merely contemplative. 

Eventually, with a soft, wet laugh, Buck says, “that was some date, huh?”

Eddie chuckles softly. “I think I owe the guy a beer,” he agrees. 

Buck bites his lip. “I think… I think maybe I do too,” he says quietly. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. 

Buck ducks his head and smiles. “Yeah.”

Eddie stares at Buck for a long moment. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says finally. 

Buck meets his eye and nods. “Sounds good to me,” he says roughly. 

And so, Eddie does.

[theladyyavilee]

6x14 pepa+eddie spec

okay so this is very rough (also, yes, spoilery, but only with the old spoilers xD) and probably way more introspection than necessary, but @mistmarauder said eddie+pepa spec and wrote a handful of lines of dialogue (95% of the dialogue in this is jess’ <333) and some general emotions and my brain just went with it xD very very roughly xD this is almost certainly not what happens in the episode, but hey, I had fun and it DID get me back into writing, so here you go, enjoy xD <3 (jess, I love you lots and I hope this is even remotely what you were thinking of <3)

It’s after the fifth—admittedly slightly repetitive—iteration of she was very pretty and very nice and we had a good time and we agreed we are better off as friends that Pepa finally loses her patience just a little bit.

And the thing is, Eddie gets it. She’s doing this because she cares and she wants to help and maybe he should have told her no from the beginning, instead of going along for her sake—especially when he already knew that none of it would lead anywhere and it would just end up frustrating both of them.

But, well, maybe he had wanted to delay the confrontation about the why of it all just a little bit longer, to give himself more time to figure out what that really was.

"Eddie, I know you're feeling comfortable, but you can't spend all your time cooped up at home with Christopher. He's growing up—"

"I spend time with Buck too," Eddie cuts her off, his tone a little too sharp, a little too defensive.

For a moment he gets caught up in the immediate shame that floods him at snapping at his aunt. And then the full admission in his words catches up to him and he freezes.

Even just the mention of Buck in this context is cracking open a door Eddie has locked again and again and again, but it's been pushing back, a little more every day. And now the locks drop without any effort at all and oh, it is such a familiar door, though not even Eddie himself knows quite all that lies beyond it. The closest he gets is just sometimes late at night, when he lets his fingertips brush against it, let's himself get burnt on purpose and for just a second there is the exhilarating flash of what if?

But more than that? Even the thought sends his heart racing, makes his chest go tight.

And well, he’s still able to push the door back closed again.

“Eddie…” Pepa’s voice is more an exhale than anything else and she trails off after. Eddie doesn’t turn away fast enough to not catch the slight tilt of her head that he thinks probably isn’t supposed to feel like pity, but does nonetheless.

The dishcloth he used to clean the counters earlier—to keep himself busy while recounting the same not-quite-a-lie-not-quite-truth-either story to Pepa—is still in his hand. His gaze catches on it, the cheery yellow and orange stripes almost jarring, but a welcome distraction and he needs to be doing something other than just standing here and trying to breathe.

So he pulls open the cupboard in front of him.

It’s the one above the stove, where the baking supplies and some other non-perishables live. It has seen so much more use lately – ever since Eddie realized that he was actually an okay cook and even better baker, if only he lets himself try without restraint, and ever since Buck started this trend of being over and cooking at least once every two weeks. There's always something to clean in here and Eddie starts methodically pulling everything out – package after package after box after bottle – to get at the fine dusting of flour and the sticky residue of mysterious origin that has left 3 small drops on the front edge of the lowest shelf.

It's almost enough to distract Eddie.

Almost.

Because he feels raw and vulnerable, chest cracked open in a way that is shining a bright spotlight at all the dark corners better left unexplored. He knows Pepa can see ever single one of them now.

For long minutes the kitchen is quiet except for the faint clink when Eddie sets down a bottle or a jar, the thump when it is another bag of flour, the faint crinkling of plastic packaging. He can feel the moment like a held breath quivering in the air, even though he is doing everything in his power to pull in steady breath after steady breath.

It’s Pepa who breaks the silence first and he feels the shift before she even speaks, tries to brace himself for impact. Her voice is so careful, so gentle, so full of understanding and it makes something terrified prickle underneath Eddie’s skin. “I know you've had feelings like this in the past. This isn't…are you—"

He breaks into her words even more forceful this time, but with less bite – and more of something that comes with the cold pinpricks of desperation.

"Of course not."

It might be the least believable lie he has ever told – both to himself and to his aunt.

And yet he knows she’ll let him get away with it one more time.

He already knows she won't push him on this, not if he doesn't want her too—if he doesn’t give her an opening for it. It’s the same way in which she has let him get away with so many unspoken things over the years. And she knows how to do it so it never feels like she doesn't care about whatever Eddie is holding back, but instead in a way that simply always leaves the ball in his court—it’s a readiness to catch him, but not a push.

He loves her for it.

And maybe he also hates her for it, just a little bit. Because maybe sometimes he could have used a little more of a push, maybe there are some lessons he wouldn’t have had to learn the hardest way if someone had pushed him into confronting them sooner.

Somehow it pulls his thoughts to Buck.

Buck who also worries, but is never quiet about it, who pushes back and prods and tugs at everything until Eddie unravels, without ever stepping over the line, without ever losing that gentleness that is so inherently him. Buck – who doesn't do well with being prodded himself, who needs time to figure himself out first and be left to come back on his own time – somehow has never had a problem figuring out that maybe there are times when Eddie does need to be pushed.

Because sometimes it’s easier to give in to being pushed, than to have to scrape together the courage to start moving in that direction yourself. Sometimes it's easier to let someone else take that first step and to follow them—to let them take control.

(But then maybe it’s only this easy when it's someone he trusts. When it’s Buck.)

Pepa has gone quiet again behind him and this time he knows she is waiting for him—won’t say anything else on the topic without his prompting, won’t push—and he can feel her gentle concern like a blanket on his shoulders, both warm safety and stifling weight.

And Eddie—he just—he can’t.

He doesn’t have the words for it—doesn’t even quite know what it really all entails, because the topic feels like a hot iron inside his own head. One that he keeps on shifting from hand to hand and back again, without ever looking at it too closely, and still burns his fingers on.

It’s a bright and beautiful thing too, of course, and Eddie burns and burns and burns his fingers against it willingly, but he never quite looks at it head on—because that would be a decision in itself and he can't. Because he doesn't know if it'll burn him to the ground or let him bask in warmth and light for the rest of his life – and maybe both options are equally terrifying in their own rights.

But he won’t know which it is until he looks.

The only thing he knows for sure?

Once Eddie is on fire, it will also consume Buck, no matter which way it ends up tipping.

And even less than having the words, does he have the bravery for that decision and—god—that is a thought that tastes bitter like shame at the back of his throat.

And he knows that Pepa won’t give him that push that he needs—the push he maybe is already ready for but not ready to ask for.

And the one person who could give it? For once—by Eddie’s careful design—actually doesn’t have a clue that Eddie needs that push.

At least he also knows there won’t be any more date set-ups after this.

[onward--upward]

call you up and demand you have no fun without me

Buck/Eddie, 4.8k, rated T // ao3

Buck is on babysitting duty.

That’s a dumb way to put it – he’s hanging out with Christopher, which he does all the time anyway. It’s not a job, he’s not being paid, he’s just hanging out with his favourite kid. Supervising. Making sure he doesn’t eat too much popcorn and letting him kick Buck’s ass at video games. All regular parts of his life.

But today is still different. Because this time, Eddie is on a date.

--

Or: Eddie dates people who are not Buck. Buck is in denial about a lot of things. Somehow there is still mutual pining involved.

read on ao3

this ended up being not quite 6x14 spec exactly... more like 'inspired by' i guess?? i don’t think it exactly meshes with the latest sneak peak, but i've already written it so ENJOY

[evanbi-ckley]

I was tagged by @swiftiediaz @spotsandsocks and @eddiesbleps for WIP Wednesday! Thanks for the tags <3 And I'm doing this from my laptop since the app is currently cursed while in dark mode lol. I just started this wip yesterday, and it's another spec fic - this time for 6x14

Buck places the last plate into the drying rack and pulls the plug to let the water out of the sink. For only two people, they sure created a lot of dishes. But Chris wanted shepherd's pie and brownies. How was Buck supposed to say no to that? There's probably still some cocoa powder in his hair, but he can deal with that later.

He's just wiping down the last bit of countertop when he hears the front door open and Eddie stomp into the house with a huff. Buck laughs quietly to himself.

“Hey, Eddie,” he calls. “Another good one tonight?”

He gets a mumbled response in return that sounds suspiciously like, “...ate all my tomatoes and stole my fries.”

Buck snorts when Eddie walks into the kitchen and he sees the look on his face.

“That good, huh?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and ignores him, going straight for the fridge and pulling out leftovers. 

“A man needs his fries, Buck,” Eddie grumbles. He keeps talking as he rolls up the sleeves of his dark green button up and makes himself a plate. “She ordered the tiniest side salad on the menu, and then stole the tomatoes off my burger and my entire side of fries. It was a disaster!”

Buck can't help but laugh.

“Eddie, you don't even like tomatoes on your burger,” he says, grabbing the plate and putting it in the microwave when Eddie hands it to him. He leans back against the counter as the microwave whirs behind him.

“But it's the principle of the thing.” At Buck's raised eyebrow, he continues, “She didn't even ask. She just took what she wanted, and I am not going to go through another relationship like that again.”

“I see,” Buck says. “So it's not so much that she took your food, it's that she didn't give you a choice in the matter.”

Eddie grabs a spoon out of the drying rack and points it at Buck when he says, “Exactly! Like I said, it's the principle.” 

He sits at the table and runs a hand down his face with a sigh. “I'm never gonna find anyone, am I?”

The microwave beeps before Buck can say anything. He grabs the plate and sets it down in front of Eddie along with a bottle of hot sauce. “Beer?”

“Please.”

As usual, I've probably missed a few who have done this already, so feel free to ignore the tag (or save it for a different day)! @rogerzsteven @monsterrae1 @loveyourownsmiilee @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @elvensorceress @buddierights @buddiefication @shortsighted-owl @alyxmastershipper

[bibuddie]

fuck it (fri)saturday

uh hi i was tagged by @usercowboy and @swiftiebuckleys but i was asleep so um. here is some of my 6x14 spec. this might seem out of place but trust me it's serving a purpose (idk what it is yet but)

It’s then, of course, that Shannon comes back into his life.

Things are…fraught, at first. She wants to see Chris and some part of Eddie just won’t allow that to happen. So they fight a little, and then the interview happens at Chris’ school happens and something between them shifts, just a little. They fall back into bed over and over again, and it makes so much sense to Eddie that he thinks that this must be it. This must be what he’s been searching for his whole life. And it’s just when things seem to be falling into place once again, when he thinks they could actually be a family once again, that the rug is pulled once again.

He remembers seeing the blood drain from Buck’s face. He remembers catching a flash of yellow in his periphery and thinking back to a facetime call earlier in his shift, thinking how beautiful Shannon looks in yellow, how it compliments her eyes. He remembers not seeing her one second and being at her side the next, and panic beginning to settle into his stomach like a stone. He's seen enough people on the brink of death to know how that looks.

i'm not gonna tag anyone specific bc again it's now saturday but if you haven't shared anything yet and you want to, please feel free!

[lizzybizzyzzz]

With his head hanging over the couch, Buck smiles at him. “You’re back early.”

Eddie toes off his shoes, peering in through the doorway at him, smiling right back. He shrugs. “No construction on Sunset for once.”

a spec fic of 6x14 where eddie comes home to buck

[merthurians-prat-and-idiot]

Seven Sentence Sunday

Buddie 6x14 spec

Warnings: 6x14 spoilers & references to blood, injury & mentions of death (but no actual death)

Featuring hurt Eddie and protective Buck!

"He's fine! Its not like he's dead or anything! And I wasn't aiming for him anyway. I was aiming for that faker who pumps his muscles up with oil!" The guy raised his voice pointedly towards where their vic was being loaded into the 133's ambulance.

Buck clenches his jaw, anger simmering as they wheel the gurney past.

"He was unconscious and currently has a bleeding head wound from where you shoved him to the ground- I don't think you're in any place to play semantics" Buck bites out.

He feels a hand wrap around his wrist.

"Hey-" its Eddie, his hand tightening, staring up from the bed.

"Just leave it, Buck"

He covers Eddie's hand and squeezes, shooting a glare at the guy before turning away.

[kek84]

YOU GUYS WE ARENT FOCUSING ON SOMETHING ELSE

Gideon told Killian he needed him out of Storybrooke for what he had planned. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN IF NOT A CURSE THAT CAN BE BROKEN WITH EMMA’S TRUE LOVE’S KISS!!??

Can you imagine if we get a TLK AND A REUNION followed immediately by a PROPOSAL!???