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v-writes · 2 days ago

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It's Not Gay if He's Dead

Dash never put much thought into his joke, almost catch phrase at this point, "it's not gay if he's dead" justifying some of the comments he and others made about Phantom. He didn't question if there was more to the statement until rumors spread around Casper that Phantom likes men, and is in a relationship with Fenton of all people makes him realize some things about himself.

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tw for underage drinking and homophobia, relatively light for the early/mid 00s, but present.

Taking Pookie out to do his business, Dash sat on the porch swing to relax with his dog and a cold beer that tasted like piss that he had snuck from the fridge. He'd rather have grabbed one of his mom's wine coolers, but she had scheduled a 'girl's night' to overlap with Uncle Jim being in town, and the beer was more likely to go unnoticed with the two people drinking from the case, and the night air was nice.

"You know, cribbage is more fun with more people."

"Come on Jimmy, you know card games aren't really Dash's thing, he'll join us and be social once we get tired of playing our old man games."

The front porch also put Dash in prime real estate to be able to hear his dad and uncle talk through the open dining room window, without being expected to join himself, if a game has math in it, then it is not a game, Dash had thought he was safe when they were done playing dominoes, but then they moved onto cribbage. Dash shuddered at the thought.

"Old man? Speak for yourself, I'm not tied down like you are, fatherhood has aged you."

"You sure like my boy well enough when we're watching our old college games together."

"What can I say, kid's got a way of talking about the game that makes me feel like a college star again."

"One could say, makes you feel young again?"

Uncle Jim's laugh was loud in the night, "it's not about the age, I'm young at heart, and that's what matters. But he really gets what's happening on the field, always has. It'll help him on the team, high school teams, especially freshman, always have to deal with kids with no love or respect for the sport. The coach can only do so much to motivate them, Dash will be good for the team."

"Don't I know it. You should have seen his face when he heard he made the team. And the look in his eyes when I told him we'd finally get him that dog he'd been asking for to celebrate, you would think he'd already won the Superbowl."

Dash preened to the open air at the pride in his Dad's voice. Sure he'd been told his Dad was proud of him before, but to hear him like that when he didn't know Dash could hear?

"I can imagine. But did you have to get him a little purse dog though? That spiked collar just looks laughable on it."

Dash's elation crashes, Dash looks at Pookie, curled up at his feet, what's wrong with Pookie?

"Pookie, and it wouldn't have been my first choice either, but he's what Dash chose, and the little thing loves him."

"Well sure, but any dog will love who takes care of it, and well, I just think a different dog could have helped with ya know, perception."

"Perception?"

"Oh don't take that tone with me, High School can make or break a young man, and with all the hullabaloo that's started up, I think I'm right to worry about my nephew."

"Hullabaloo? You mean the ghost nonsense? I don't think a guard dog would be much protection with them."

"I'm not suggesting you get a guard dog, but with that ghost boy flying around, and the kids calling him a hero…"

"A little bit of 'hero' worship is healthy for their age, especially with the 'hero' being their own age."

"You think the hero worship is healthy? Have you heard Dash?" Dash flinches, something about his name being used made the comment feel sharper, "'it's not gay if he's dead?' Can you imagine what our Father would say if he could hear that from his grandson?"

"That's what this is about? I don't care what our Father would say about how I'm raising my boy. And even if he weren't dead, he wouldn't have a place in Dash's life."

"And that's good! I know as well as you do how big of a bastard he was, I'm just saying, while you're trying to set Dash up for the future, if there's any concern about him being, you know, you could consider some of the programs they make for fa-"

"Get out of my house."

"What?"

"Get out of my fucking house. And as long as that's something you would dare to suggest, James, you can stay out."

"Are you serious? You're not concerned at all about having a Pansy for a-"

A harsh slap rings clear as a bell and loud as a car crash.

Pookie startles at Dash's feet, looks around frantically, but settles at Dash's apparent calm. Dash wishes the calm came from composure and not shock.

"This is your last chance to get out before I throw you out." Dash had never heard his dad angry like that before. It was a quiet anger, and there was a tremor to it as if his dad was holding himself back.

A moment later his Uncle came rushing out of the front door, putting his coat on as he walks, stumbling down the porch steps. He looks back, spitting on the walkway.

He and Dash make eye contact.

Dash can just make out the faint discoloration of a future bruise over his Uncle's left eye, probably imagined in the dark.

Dash considers saying something.

Standing up for himself.

But he's still reeling from the eavesdropped conversation, his Uncle's implications, and his Uncle's face as he leaves.

Dash knew where the probable black eye had come from, but the disgust contorting into a sneer when they looked at each other?

Dash had never seen that look from his Uncle before.

And Dash stays quiet as his Uncle Jim leaves.

~~~

Star joins the other A-listers surrounding Paulina at her locker with a pep in her step and a manic grin.

"Oh-em-gee, you all are not going to believe what I heard!"

Paulina lazily finishes touching up her lipstick, closing her mirror with a snap, she barely glances at Star as she answers, "Mia and Kyle were caught 'exploring the bases' behind the bleachers after the game last Friday, old news Star-"

"Oh Polly~" Star grins, "the gossip I've got makes that tidbit sound like one of Lancer's lectures, but if you don't want to hear it I can shut up, and let you hear from someone else later, I'm sure you won't be the last to hear."

Paulina's gaze snaps to Star, eyes narrowing, Star blinks faux innocently at her friend. Kwan and Dash make eye contact over the girls' heads, Kwan smiles as Dash rolls his eyes at the two.

"Alright Star, spill it" Paulina leans against the lockers, turning fully to Star.

"Hmm." Star placed a finger to her lip, making a show about thinking about it. "I don't know… now that you mention it, you're really not going to want to hear it… it's probably nothing anyway…"

Her tone indicates she absolutely doesn't believe it's nothing.

"Star," Paulina's tone drops a register, drawing Star's attention out of her faked nonchalance, "are you going to make me beg? Or worse, find out from someone else?"

Star gulps, her face reddening, "ok so," she leans closer to Paulina, Kwan and Dash bracketing the two of them, pretending not to listen in, "you know my cousin Andromeda?" Paulina nods, "well she was walking to her car last night when she saw, and get this, Phantom!"

"There weren't any ghost sightings last night?"

"That's where it gets juicy, she said it didn't look like he was ghost hunting, but that he was talking to someone."

"Talking to someone?"

"Mmhhmm. He was floating around a roof, and whoever he was talking to was mostly hidden."

"Mostly?

"Oh Paulina, when Andromeda got a look at them together, it looked like Phantom was getting help with his thermos, help that Fenton was very willing to provide, if you catch my drift."

"Danny Fenton?"

"I suppose it explains where Phantom gets all that Fenton tech from, personally I'd rather flowers, but ghost hunting tech is an in that no one else would have, except maybe Jazz."

"Star!" Paulina grabs her by the shoulders, eyes wild, "are you assuming-"

"Of course I'm not! I don't have to! She sent me a video!"

Star pulls her phone up flipping through her messages, Paulina has forgotten the concept of personal space, nearly draped over Star to watch the video, Kwan and Dash drop any pretense of nonchalance to step closer themselves

On Star's phone the video plays, Dash's brain feels like it's stopped processing what his eyes are seeing, his stomach falling to the floor.

Phantom loops and twirls in the air, smile free and bright without the weight of a fight, and he turns that smile to Fenton.

His back is to the camera as he sits on the roof ledge, and Star's cousin wouldn't know him well enough to recognize him from that alone, but the A-Listers do, shaggy hair and lanky frame familiar as he holds out a hand. Phantom places his thermos in it, gesturing wildly as he talks. Fenton tinkers with it, tools impossible to make out, but he looks up from the thermos at Phantom floating so so close to him and says something that makes Phantom laugh.

Dash wants to hear that laugh.

Wants to cause it.

Phantom settles on the roof ledge behind Fenton, draping across his back to watch him work.

God they must be cheek to cheek like that and-

Someone bumps into Andromeda, the camera shaking as she snaps, "hey! Watch it!"

She refocuses her camera, in the distance Phantom and Fenton startle visibly, Phantom leaping into the air, Fenton to the roof proper, their expressions dropping as they look at the camera.

They look to each other in sync, Fenton opening his arms for Phantom to fly into, they embrace, Phantom blocking Fenton from the camera and onlookers, and Phantom carries Fenton off into the moonlight.

Fenton managed to pull Phantom? What does he have that I don't?

Wait, what?

On Star's phone the video loops, Dash's mind is stuck on the end of the video, before Star's cousin cut the recording.

Phantom was so close to Fenton, so comfortable, Dash had assumed that if he were like that with anyone it would be Paulina, or Ember, but Fenton?

~~~

"Hey Fenturd!"

Fenton sighs, slamming his locker shut, "can I get a rain check Dash, I'm not in the mood."

"No we can't," if Dash waits he'll lose his nerve, and Dash isn't a chicken, "this is important."

"Sure, because if you don't get your daily dose of proving you're bigger than someone else the world will end, won't it?"

The twink and his fucking attitude, Dash fights the urge to shove him in his locker, doesn't think of his Dad kicking his Uncle out of his house.

"Let me speak dweeb," Fenton rolls his eyes, "you and Phantom are cool."

"What?" Fenton asks, eyebrows creasing in confusion.

"Well, Phantom is cool, you're the King of geeks and pulling way out of your league."

"Are you giving me a shovel talk on Phantom's behalf? Are you serious?"

"Pfft like you need one, I just wanted to say that you and Phantom-"

"That's what this is about? I already told your gossip hound friends, we're trying to keep it on the down low, I'm not answering questions."

Yeah I wouldn't want to brag about dating you either.

"Not what I meant. I meant you two being together. It doesn't matter that it's you two. That you're both-" Dash's Dad had hit his brother over what he had said about Dash. People are going to say the same things about Phantom and Fenton. "And if anyone gives you shit about that, let me know."

"You- what? Are you serious?"

Is he?

"Yes."

"Umm. Thanks? I guess? Can I go now?"

"Nope."

Dash grabs Fentina by the shirt and shoves him in his locker for his loser friends or awesome boyfriend to rescue.

~~~

"And then he was like, no way, and I was like, yes way, and then, Dash are you listening to me? Hello, earth to Baxter?"

Dash startles as Paulina snaps in his face, looking up to her unimpressed face Dash blurts "I think I like Phantom," before he can think better of it, or think about it at all.

"Ha! Of course you do, everyone with sense does, the ghost boy is-"

"No."

Paulina's eyes sharpen at the interruption, a retort on her tongue as Dash continues.

"I think I like him the same way you do."

The park is silent, save for the creak of the swings Dash and Kwan are sitting in, Paulina blinks at Dash's statement, leaning back against the A-frame support beams as she and Star look to each other in sync.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Dash just said something weird. Something real. He thinks of Valerie after her Dad lost his job, he needs to backtrack, to fix this, can he make a joke at Fenton's expense without being at Phantom's expense as well? He-

"Well," Paulina's voice is sharp, and he's heard that tone tear down people a thousand times before, and- "I certainly approve of your taste in men. When did this… develop?"

"I don't know- a while ago probably. I didn't really think about it until…"

"Until the video with Phantom and Fenton?" Kwan prompts hesitatingly.

"Yeah. That. And I mean, it's Phantom? It can't be that weird if he's also… ya know."

Paulina groaned leaning further against the swing set frame, "can you believe his taste in men? He likes men? Sure, fine, men are hot," Dash nods along without thinking, "but Daniel Fenton?! Really?"

"Exactly!" Dash jumps in, "like if he wanted to date he has got his choice of people! We're both single!"

"And!" Paulina throws herself off of the swing set frame, pointing sharply at Dash, "we're both way hotter than Fenton."

"Right! Like what does he have that I don't?"

"Ghost hunting technology?" Star cuts in with a smirk. Stepping beside Paulina she places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"No. I'm drawing the line at being jealous of his weird parents. I'll shoot my shot when Fenton eventually fumbles Phantom."

"What is it you like about Phantom?" Kwan's cheeks are a little red as he asks. "I mean, yeah he's awesome but like, what if he doesn't age? That'll be weird later."

Dash shrugs, "then that's a problem for later, but what's not to like? Sure the powers are cool, but like, he could use them to do anything and he uses them to protect us! He's strong and that's cool, but like, does superstrength count? But it's like, he doesn't always sweep the floor in his fights, right? But he always gets back up and keeps trying. It's brave…"

"Bravery huh…" Kwan mutters.

"Do you… want to tell people? Like come out?" Star asks tentatively.

"No!" The sharpness in his tone surprises him, but Dash continues, "I don't want anyone to be weird about it, I haven't changed, just… figured out why Paulina and I didn't work out and shit. It's not a big deal."

"It might be better now?" Star offers tentatively, "like coming out after Phantom?"

"Oh yeah, everyone is talking about Phantom liking dudes." Kwan adds.

"Yeah because it's new, not because it's like- a problem?" Star rushes to clarify.

Dash scoffs, "Phantom doesn't have to worry about what people think about him. Or worry about sharing a locker room with the football team, we've got playoffs coming up, I don't want this to distract the guys- or- you haven't heard everything they, everything we have said. I don't know that everyone would be cool about it."

Kwan leans over from his own swing and places his hand over Dash's on the chain. "Hey. If you don't want to tell anyone, we won't, it's no one's business. But when you're ready, we'll, I'll have your back dude."

"Thanks man, you're the best."

"Don't mention it."

~~~

Light from the tv reflects off of Dash's Dad's face in the dark living room, rendering his expression unreadable.

Or maybe that was Dash's nerves.

But his Dad had fought with his brother over the issue, refused to even hear the idea of conversion therapy, had hit and kicked him from the house over what he said.

And that had to count for something, right?

Dash needed to tell him.

"Dad we need to talk."

His Dad raised an eyebrow, barely glancing away from the TV "do we now?"

"Yes. It's about Uncle Jim."

His Dad froze, an impressive feat for how little he was moving prior, "has he… reached out to you recently?"

"No, I haven't seen him since-" since what? Since he called Dash a pansy, was absolutely thinking worse? Since he stormed out, looking at Dash like he was disgusting? "Since your last game night. I uh- I was on the porch during your conversation. With the window open. I heard everything."

His Dad sighed, turning the TV down. "Well. I guess we do need to talk huh? Why don't you grab me another beer and join me."

"Yes sir-"

"And Dash?" Dash stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, "you can grab one for yourself too, if you want."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Or one of your Mom's wine coolers, if you'd rather."

Dash was struck by the sinking suspicion he hadn't been as successful in sneaking beer as he thought he had been.

Dash returned with a beer for his dad and a wine cooler for himself.

Green Apple. The best flavor. And the color of Phantom's eyes- no that is a bad train of thought for this conversation, focus!

"So. About what your Uncle said."

"I think he was right." Dash rushes to get it out, "I wasn't really thinking about it before bu-"

"No." His Dad's voice cuts him off.

When his Dad doesn't continue, Dash attempts to explain, "but, he had a point I-"

"No, he didn't." Oh. Okay. Dash can, he can work with this, it's not a big deal, it's probably safer not to come out, just- "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

What?

"What?" If Dash's voice wavers his Dad doesn't mention it.

"I don't care what antiquated notions James has in his head. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. There's nothing to fix. There's nothing wrong with your choice of dog. There's nothing wrong with your taste in-" he falters for a moment, when he continues his voice has lost the argumentative edge, but no less sure of himself, "nothing wrong with your choice of partner. Women, men, or both."

Dash takes a long sip of his wine cooler as an excuse to break eye contact. Clearing his throat before he speaks, "I- I think just men."

His Dad nods. "So. Phantom then?"

Dash can't help his smile, "yeah, I think I like, like Phantom."

"Hmm. Tell me son." He gestures with his beer bottle, voice taking a teasing note, "is it still not gay if he's dead?"

Dash laughs, "no I, I think it's both. For me at least. He's dead, and I'm-" Dash hadn't said it yet. Talked around it. Talked about liking Phantom, and maybe other men, potentially. But sitting on the couch next to his Dad with some fishing show nearly muted in the background, he says it, "I'm gay."

His Dad leans over and taps his beer bottle to Dash's, Dash follows the toast a second later.

"Atta boy. As Miss Dolly Parton once said, 'find out who you are and do it on purpose'"

"Yes Dad." Dash rolls his eyes.

His Dad takes a long swig of his beer, "so. Are you planning to tell your Mother?"

"I-" was he? He looks away from his Dad, his grip tightening on his bottle unconsciously, she'd still love him right? But Dash would've thought Uncle Jim would have as well, and instead he… His Dad's response had been why he'd felt confident telling him, what if Mom didn't have the same view? If she-

"Son." His dad's voice cuts off his spiraling thoughts, "it's your news to tell. But she'll love you no matter what."

"Like Uncle Jim loves me?"

"Alright." His Dad breezes past that question, "like I said. Your call." He pauses for a moment, a mischievous glint entering his eye as he continues, "but I'd rather not have to lie to her face about any of this, think you could tell her before you bring a boy home?"

"Dad!" Dash squawks, glad he wasn't taking a drink when his Dad said that.

"I'm serious! Can you imagine her fighting to be a good host after you surprised her with that news? I'd be in the doghouse for a week for laughing at her, but she'd make sure your man felt welcome."

"Alright, yeah, fine, I'll tell her before I- before I bring anyone home."

"Good. What about your friends?"

"What about them?"

"Are you going to tell them?"

"I already did? Some of them at least, I don't think I'm ready to tell the whole school or anything, just Kwan, Paulina, and Star."

"Kwan huh? He's on the football team with you right?"

"Yeah?'

"How'd he take it?"

"Umm. They were all chill? He said he'd have my back if I decided to tell others and they were weird about it."

"Good. It's important to have people you can rely on."

"Yeah. Hey Dad?"

"Dash?"

"Can we put a game on instead of Deadliest Catch?"

~~~

The Fenton Ghost Alarm blares through the air, cutting practice off abruptly.

Most of the team run for the locker room, Coach Tetslaff yelling at the team to book it.

But Dash knows what will follow the alarm, and wants with all his being to get a glimpse of Phantom.

Skulker finds Dash first, he fires a blast from his ecto gun at the easy target in the open field, Dash turns to run but-

A hand lands on Dash's shoulder, cold intangibility washing over him as Skulker's blast flies harmlessly through them.

Phantom drops the intangibility, the cold replaced by heat rising in Dash's cheeks,-geez he didn't normally blush like this when Phantom saved him, did he?-Phantom's arm wraps around Dash, one hand holding Dash close the other sending an ectoblast back at Skulker, laying down cover fire as he carries Dash to safety. Their bodies are pressed tightly together, Dash's skin feels alight at his hero's arm holding his waist- Oh. Dash definitely normally blushed this much. He just had never thought about why before. -Phantom is seemingly unaware of Dash's crisis at the contact, gaze intense in flight, rapt attention shifting to Dash as he sets him down.

"Are you alright?" Phantom asks.

He is now.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for the save back there."

Phantom is turning and throwing up a shield before Dash can see what is coming for them. The ectoblast bursts against the shield, lighting them in explosive light.

"Don't mention it. Just get to safety, I'll handle this." He turns to leave, almost stuttering in the air, he pauses to look over his shoulder at Dash "oh, and Dash? Thanks for- Danny told me what you said. Thanks. I appreciate the sentiment."

"Don't mention it." Dash speaks to Phantom's back as he flies away, feeling like he's floating himself after interacting with Phantom for the first time since realizing how he felt.

~~~

Dash stood staring as Phantom flew away.

"Hey dude!" Kwan's hand on his shoulder snaps Dash out of his reverie, "you okay?"

Dash smiles awestruck at his friend, "yeah, man, I'm great."

"Then come on, we'll have a better view from the top of the bleachers, race ya?"

Kwan takes off before Dash can confirm, but laughter following him is the answer he expected and received.

Football practice has both of them well prepared for the race, and they make it to the top in quick time.

Kwan slams a hand onto the railing, rattling it, Dash a heartbeat behind.

Kwan looks to Dash brightly, breathing slightly heavily from the sprint, but Dash's attention is elsewhere.

But then the aerial view of the fight is amazing, Phantom is a total badass, darting in the air and using his greater maneuverability to gain the upper hand. Dash watches Phantom capture Skulker with hearts in his eyes.

"Man," Dash's voice is breathy and reverent, "Fenton is one lucky man."

Kwan makes an affirming hum, but he didn't think Fenton was the lucky one. Sure Phantom was cool and all, but if he couldn't see the worth of the man who had fallen for him, it was his loss.

#danny phantom #dash baxter #swagger bishie #one sided attraction #coming out #gay awakening

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