#A 47 year old man into diapers

[coochiequeens]

I've been posting regularly since the start of Covid. And I still wasn't prepared to start my day reading this headline.

By Shay Woulahan December 20, 2023

A trans-identified male has appeared in court after being accused of dumping soiled adult diapers outside a children’s nursery and stealing clinical waste bags. Abbi Taylor, born Martin Tarling, was also accused of hiding in a public bin with soiled diapers, smearing excrement on children’s milk bottles and removing items from a waste receptacle outside a nursery.

Taylor, 47, has been charged with 9 counts related to incidents that occurred between October 2022 and November 2023. The charges include four counts of dumping bags of toxic materials, namely diapers containing human waste, at nurseries in South Tyneside, an offense under the Environmental Protection Act.

Taylor also faces a charge of outraging public decency stemming from his entering a waste bin containing the feces of children.

At the time of the incidents, Taylor was under a criminal behavior order imposed by the Nottinghamshire Magistrates’ Court prohibiting him from being within 10 meters of a nursery without reasonable excuse, suggesting he had been caught conducting similar activity in the past.

Although court listings used the name Martin Tarling, the Chair of the Bench, John Lee, asked Taylor if he preferred to be addressed by his “feminine” name and the defendant agreed. Taylor didn’t enter into a plea at South Tyneside Magistrates’ Court and will appear in court again on January 16.

Though he attended his hearing at the South Tyneside Magistrates Court donning a full beard, Taylor was later described in the media as a “transgender woman.”

Reduxx has located a social media profile believed to belong to Taylor which features extremely disturbing content. On the account, which is registered in Taylor’s location of Newcastle upon Tyne, a number of sexual animations depicting women and girls in diapers have been posted. The profile photo for the account shows an animated little girl sucking on a pacifier with the words “baby girl” written on her t-shirt.

Under a section offering alternative names and nicknames, Taylor says he also likes to be known as Baby Abbs, Little Princess, and Baby Girl.

In his profile, Taylor describes himself as an “intersex female and an “ABDL little.” The acronym “ABDL” refers to the “Adult Baby Diaper Lifestyle” or “Adult Baby Diaper Lover” fetish, wherein adults are sexually aroused by acting or dressing as babies. The fetish is more formally known as paraphilic infantilism or “autonepiophilia.”

There is a noticeable overlap between men with autonepiophilia and men who identify as women, with a number of disturbing incidents involving gender confused males with diaper fetishes making headlines over the past year.

In April of 2022, a man from Helensburgh pleaded guilty to abusing two children by forcing them to entertain his fantasy of being a three-year-old girl named “Molly.” Stephen Cunningham repeatedly dressed up as a little girl in the presence of the two victims, including wearing adult diapers and providing the victims with pacifiers and baby bottles. He would shout offensive remarks at the children, and told one of the children he was an “adult baby.”

Cunningham also offered diapers for the minors to wear and sent them text messages describing his experiences of dressing up as “Molly.” He would also make references to standing in front of the child in a soiled diaper, asking them to buy him new ones.

Shortly after, a man in Swindon was sentenced to a 24-month community order after exposing himself to multiple teen girls. Andrew Keen, 41, was active in online sissy and crossdressing communities and posted YouTube videos of himself dressing in women’s clothing. Though he scrubbed his social media shortly after his arrest, Keen frequently interacted with transgender pornography and age regression accounts — including those pertaining to the “ABDL” community.

Earlier this year, Reduxx exclusively revealed that the transgender criminal whose pioneering legal case paved the way for violent males to be transferred into women’s prisons in the American state of New Jersey was a diaper fetishist.

Danielle Demers, who was convicted following an investigation by the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, proudly declares himself an “adult baby” and frequently interacts with other members of the fetishistic subculture online.

[shyhighbunny]

Good morning 🌞

My name is Lina I'm 19 years old, I work in a convenience store which is pretty boring but not too bad.

I'm 5'3, 95 lbs, I have brownish dark hair, white, pink nips and slit, decent butt, tight and fit. Small A/B cup tits 36A/34B depending on the bra.

Bisexual - heavy leaning towards older men though.

420 friendly

I don't send pics or nudes

I don't meet

I don't sext

I don't rp

#body count for my body count

#selfiies for pics of me

I'm just here to chat and explore my kinks and interests.

I watch a lot of horror movies and comedy movies

Mostly watch a24, neon, and weird artsy movies people hate.

Music: metal, emo, rock, pop, rap a little or a everything.

Games: league of legends ( with my irl friend mostly) and mostly play roguelikes like tiny rogues, slice and dice, and stuff similar to those.

Kinks: I'm still exploring what I like but I like intox, older men, women, BBC, multiple partners, giving oral, and bondage.

Black list: piss, scat, pregnancy, diapers, racism, forced feeding, weight gain... Probably other stuff I can't remember but if it's super niche or slightly gross I'm probably not into it.

Body count : somewhere around 50+

Oldest man I been with : 47

Virginity lost a long time ago both pussy and anal

I'm an open book most days feel free to ask anything.

Asks and anons turned on

Unsolicited photos = ban no questions asked no hesitation

[argumentl]

☆🎶📻A list of the TFOE radio version summaries can be found here 📻🎶

☆ List of TFOE Niconama fan translations 📽️📺☆

☆TFOE Youtube 2020~ English unofficial fan translations ↓↓↓↓

Ep 1 Haruna Fuuka online slander

Ep 2 Ghosn's escape from Japan

Ep 3 Michelin star suicide

Ep 4 Covid's effect on entertainment industry.

Ep 5 Qurantining in Olympic village.

Ep 6 Antrum, world's most cursed movie

Ep 7 Comme de garcon scandal

Ep 8 Sawajiri Erika (drugs)

Ep 9 Housewives insulting Kawasaki Nozomi

Ep 10 Don Nomura uploads photo of father's corpse

Ep 11 From Miyamoto to you, censorship in the arts

Ep 12 Chinese restaraunts

Ep 13 No Olympic re-selection

Ep 14 Election candidates with same name

Ep 15 Prosecutor's retirement controversy

Ep 16 Space operations squadron

Ep 17 Sharp selling masks.

Ep 18 Baseball/Mercedes Benz

Ep 19 Japanese Chess

Ep 20 Corona Cafe.

Ep 21 BLM/Gone with the wind.

Ep 22 On location at Hosojimaya

Ep 23 Worst album in the world

Ep 24 Botched art repair

Ep 25 Comfort women statue

Ep 26 German virus experiment

Ep 27 Covid dogs

Ep 28 German virus experiment

Ep 29 Fashion brand that doesn't sell clothes.

Ep 30 Adult diapers

Ep 31 Whole band caught covid.

Ep 32 Public bath etiquette, amusement parks.

Ep 33 Baseball, mystery safe, mystery locations

Ep 34 Straight face challenge

Ep 35 If a giraffe wore a bow-tie...

Ep 36 The banning of snacks and sweet drinks displays from next to cash registers.

Ep 37 Dir en grey's vocalist Kyo imposter scam.

Ep 38 Discovery of new geoglyph in the Nazca lines.

Ep 39 Finland's female PM wearing a suit with no bra. Indecent? Sexist?

Ep 40 Appeal for buzzword of the year.

Ep 41 'Antique' displayed in showcase. Its real identity is...

Ep 42 Filling up at old style sweet shop Kamikawaguchiya - Part 1 Part 2

Ep 43 Man who was living in attic above supermarket arrested

Ep 44 'Guitar Center' preparing to file for bankruptcy & Urgent announcement

Ep 45 Walking from Kishibojin, Haunted staircase.

Ep 46 The filming for the Dir en grey 3D Real Avatar music video.

Ep 47 Rapid increase in pigeons at apartment complex, overflowing toilets.

Ep 48 Nike CM inundated with criticism

Ep 49 Ioka Kazuto's New Years Eve tattoo problem

Ep 50 Propheciser with psychic powers, Baba Vanga's predictions

Ep 51 - Amazing technology - Human with modified skull.

Ep 52 - Kami's avatar plan & Momotaro Dentetsu?! The aim behind the huge spread in conspiracy theories and related Youtube videos.

Ep 53 - Trying the pot shaped Baumkuchen.

Ep 54 - Potato UFO!?

Ep 55 - Rage Room

Ep 56 - Dir en grey live with audience scheduled! and, Thinking about the aftermath of inappropriate remarks.

Ep 57 - Self-staged kidnapping

Ep 58 - The truth behind the Dir en gery misprint, and mysterious voice.

Ep 59 - Ten days paid leave for your favourite idol's graduation

Ep 60 - Complaints about TV eating challenge.

Ep 61 - Going to Hardcore Chocolate Part 1 Part 2

Ep 62 - About the mystery voice in episode 58

Ep 63 - Executing the food combo plan Part 1 Part 2

Ep 64 - Kami produced avatar video reveal

Ep 65 - Reptile Cafe

Ep 66 - Tasai's challenge: Ultimate lazy man food: Curry Rice Part 1 Part 2

Ep 67 - Putting ads up in the train without permission, and talking about past flyers.

Ep 68 - Japanese made Star Wars

Ep 69 - Long-awaited visit to Chinese restaurant

Ep 70 - The first live with an audience for Dir en grey in 1 year and 4 months

Ep 71 - The Freedom of Expression flier, made by Kaoru

Ep 72 - 2021 Hanshin Talk

Ep 73 - Ronaldo removes Coca Cola bottles from view

Ep 110 - New Expressions in the style of the erotic novel

Ep 121 - Paul Stanley's past trouble with Gene Simmons (Summary)

Ep 122 - Winning bid for Kurt Cobain's guitar (Summary)

Updates ongoing....

Japanese originals on the official channel can be found at the link below

[qiankunfics]

JohnKun Masterlist Part 2

AO3

1.  Morning Warmth by nininuggetFandoms:NCT (Band)  

Summary: Waking up besides both of his favorite persons is Johnny's best part of his day. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

2.  lucky by 10vesick

Summary: How did Kun ever get so lucky to find someone who loves him to the same extent that he loves them? Rating: General Status: One-shot

3. little red by madcity (johnshuaa)

Summary: All Kun wants to do is bring his cookies to his grandmother, but he keeps getting intercepted by a peculiar man with a dreadful smirk and honey eyes. Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

4.  baby, we're the new romantics by nonamebut

Summary: In conclusion: Johnny and Kun like each other. Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

5. Distant Strangers by Sakunade

Summary: Johnny recently hired a new assistant at his office, and he can't help how irresistible he is, and finds himself falling into the deep-set dimples faster than he realizes. Rating: Mature Status: On-going

6.  Poco a Poco a Poquito by taeyongsan

Summary: Johnny has never been interested in a student's parent but Kun Qian proved to be an attraction that Johnny couldn't shake. Rating: General Status: One-shot

7. Sunrise, Sunset by Tinywriterfairy

Summary: Johnny and Kun are perfectly normal neighbors, except one's a vampire and the other's a god. And neither wants the other to know. What could possibly go wrong? Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

8.  take me anywhere by wentz

Summary: Johnny and Kun meet at a New Year’s Party.  Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

9.  Moonflower by almostkun

Summary:  In the darkest hours of the night, his feelings have bloomed. His love for Johnny hides in the shadows, atop of every tree and deep under the river. Rating: General Status: One-shot

10.  home by seonho

Summary: Single Dad Kun meets his son’s new best friend’s dad, Johnny.  Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

 11.  like clarity (you came to me) by andthencoffee (yawawoo)

Summary: Galaxy war veterans Kun and Johnny spend a day at the beach of a faraway planet and find that they may like each other more than the waves. Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

12. ignite me by gabilliam (vvhymack)

Summary: Co-workers Kun and Johnny where Kun is in love with Johnny and enters into a FWB situation with him.  Rating: Explicit Status: Completed 

13. the not so lonely star by miraclegarden 

Summary: Kun was just another star in the sky, who fell in love with a human named Johnny. Rating: General Status: One-shot

14. Premonition by 10vesick

Summary: It's overwhelming, how he can't explain at all how it makes him feel. It’s overwhelming, and quite honestly, a little scary. Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

15. give me one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright) by nctyou

Summary: Kun is King and Johnny is his secret not-so-secret.  Rating: General Status: One-shot

16.  A Night To Remember by tronnorwolfstar

Summary: Where Kun and Johnny meet, but not under the most ideal circumstances. Rating: Teen  Status: On-going

17. Making the Most of the Night by cobalamincosel

Summary: It's NYE in NYC, and Johnny just wants to welcome it with Kun. Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

18. Starry Night by lunalius

Summary: Kun is definitely trying too hard, but Johnny doesn't mind. Rating: General Status: One-shot

19. There Are Stars by taeyongsan

Summary: Stars were always there. One just had to know how to find them. Johnny was lucky enough to have found them. Rating: General Status: One-shot

20.  Big Boys Like Butt Stuff Too by bunnykingdy

Summary: Professor Qian Kun is Johnny's mandarin teacher, a confident, well liked gentleman who is coincidentally but not really, Johnny's crush. And for some reason, Kun seems to return his feelings?? Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

21. Of I Love You's and Promises by jiwrites

Summary: The five times Johnny says "I love you" and the one time Kun says it back. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

22.  hum hallelujah by wentz

Summary: “Father.” Johnny's hands rest on the priest’s thighs. “Let me suck you off.” Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

23. used to it by junxiao

Summary: kun, johnny and their band mates end up having to all sleep in the same room. nobody can get any sleep because johnny’s snoring incredibly loud... except for kun, who's completely used to it. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

24. dealing with you / i do with caution by milkywei

Summary: Johnny is finally back in his hometown but his heart's home is still miles away from him. Rating: General Status: One-shot

25. I can't take my eyes off of you because my fond looks are always for you by cherrycitrus_blossom

Summary: JohnKun get together. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

26. Tea Talk by CryptidLuna

Summary: Johnny is on cleaning duty while Kun takes the boys out for a play date. Rating:General Status: One-Shot

27. malamente by gashinas

Summary: Kun helps Johnny with stress relief (of sorts). Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

28.  spoiled sweetheart by cheapdreams

Summary: Kun had missed Korea. Rating: Explciit  Status: One-Shot

29. Ink by lamarina

Summary: Vampire Kun with Human Johnny Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

30. Genesis by dojaegay

Summary: Doctor Johnny with Unit KN010196l Rating: Explicit Status: On-going

31. the most beautiful moment in my life by awhalenamedblue

Summary: Johnny and Kun in Fujian Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

32. Obvious by lunalius

Summary: Exam season is dumb decisions extravaganza. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

33. From the Ground Up by cobalamincosel

Summary: Kun and Johnny are two lonely strangers who meet at a beach. They don’t believe in fate but maybe they should. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

34. as the days go by by saelium

Summary: johnny thinks spring will always be beautiful, because of him. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

35. it may be love. by RedamancyEffect

Summary: johnny loses his ways seeing kun in his sweater. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

36. Counting Sheep (And The Days Until You're Mine Again) by kiwiiChan

Summary: Johnny’s a single dad and has to go buy diapers for his son at 3AM so he wakes up his neighbor to take care of the baby. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

37.  A Matter of Patience by cobalamincosel

Summary: Kun is happy. People come through with coughs and colds and a sprain here or there, all simple— until Johnny. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot Trigger: Injuries

38. Secret Rendezvous. by softyjseo

Summary: Seo Johnny. Everyone knows him as the lead guitarist of the band The Hour Is Ours. Touring the world and sharing everything with fans, no one suspects him of having secrets, Rating: General Status: One-shot

39. callin' by gashinas

Summary: The first time Kun makes Johnny come with only words is innocent enough. The second time it happens, Johnny’s really not expecting it. Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

40. little by little, soaked into my veins by aeroplaneseok

Summary: PWP of Kun giving his puppy a treat, or to be more precise, multiple orgasms. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot

41.  Hands by criesmom

Summary: Johnny and Kun have been on two dates, (three, if you count going to the club with their friends). The alcohol gives them some ideas. Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot

42. Aubade by makbaes (gentlemindedlostgirl)

Summary: Kun, meanwhile, is a young man with a big heart, good intentions, and a toddler who needs him. Rating: Teen Status: Completed 

43. Points of Contact by lunalius

Summary: Kun is very tactile, and Johnny suffers for it. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

44. The First Day by violetpeche

Summary: Johnny's proposal to Kun on New Year's Eve doesn't go exactly as planned, but it all works out in the end. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

45. Our Old Story by sunlariums

Summary: After years of being away, Kun returns home to memories he thought forgotten, and a voice that reminds him of the past. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

46. Flowers In Your Chest by sunlariums

Summary: The one where Johnny has a crush on his unattainable roommate, and hanahaki disease isn't helping at all. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

47. you’re the one (for me) by stilinscry

Summary: kun doesn’t plan on falling in love a second time, the universe has other plans Rating: General Status: One-Shot

48. Parenting 101 by makbaes (gentlemindedlostgirl)

Summary: Chenle is normally a good kid. But his woodshop teacher, Mr. Seo, has been sending Kun emails about how his son has been acting out lately. So it's time for a parent-teacher conference. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

49. All I Want For Christmas Is For My Best Friends To Be Boyfriends by eggboyksoo

Summary: Doyoung’s well-intentioned mistletoe may have led to the one thing he actually wanted: the Rise of Johnkun. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

50. under the night sky by softsuna

Summary: Johnny was set to marry Princess Jieqiong, but falling for her brother wasn't part of the equation Rating: General Status: One-Shot

[madeofitzits]

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

undefined

undefined

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

undefined

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

[madlymiho]

Ah finally open! I love reading what you write ❤️ If I can please do headcanon with Crocodile, Zoro and Kid how they react when they figure out their s/o pregnancy!

Hehehe, it's always a pleasure to see that you're happy when I open! 💖 Ooooooh love this!!!! This is so cute!!! Thanks for the ask!

Hope you will enjoy it ~

Crocodile :

• Crocodile doesn't really appreciate the idea to have a family. Basically is a grown-up man who already is 47 years old, and doesn't have time to have a kid to fool around. He doesn't want one, and he's more than sure of this choice

• When he figures out that you might have something hidden in your belly, Crocodile first, observes you closely. He can't believe that you have been so reckless, and hopes that you just have a sort of fleeting illness, and nothing else

• But the more you start to show, and the more he understands you are actually carrying his child. And for a moment... Crocodile is more than pissed and disappointed by your attitud. He wants you to spit it, and you will need to have some nerves to handle his harsh words and his sassy nature, now that you're busted with your little secret

• Crocodile needs plenty of time to analyze the situation, and during those long days, you don't feel really desired or even loved. If he can actually avoid you, you better be sure that your cold old-man will do his best to keep his distances with you. He needs to think, and to find a proper way to handle this unwanted surprise. It's difficult, and harsh for you, but at least you're not suffering from his everlasting cold stare, or his mean sentences

• But deep down... Crocodile starts to feel... thrilled by the idea to have a heir, when he allows himself to think about it, alone in his office. He wishes that his empire continues to grow, and what a better option but to have a legacy in this world. He starts to imagine his life with a smart kid on his lap, slowly learning the codes and the tricks of his business, while he's now more than certain he's going to be proud of this kid

• Crocodile, eventually ready, sends Daz Bonez to shop for you, and for the kid to come, and one morning, you'll wake up with dozens of bags with many different gifts for you, but also for your baby, and you understand that Crocodile is now ready to accept the idea to become a father

• He keeps a close eye on you, and doesn't really care if it doesn't please you ; you see the best doctors, your alimentation is watched closely, and you can't come and go as much as you want. He makes sure that you stay calm, relax and well, so there's no problems with you or the baby

• More than often, when you're at that state that you can't hide your pregnancy anymore, Crocodile checks on you in the middle of the night, his only hand wandering on your swollen tummy, making sure that everything is fine. He doesn't tell you anything, but it tends to worry, his profound possessive nature burning inside of him when he lays his eyes on your sleepy face that he loves so much

• You sometimes bust him with something else but his traditional business notes in his hand when you drop by his office, as he reads some books about the fatherhood and having children, but he immediately puts them away, keeping a cold face as he denies his reading and proposes you to have a walk in the garden

• In the end, Crocodile is more present, and tender. He tries his best to offer you some quality time, and clears his schedule to spend some time with you. He didn't want to have a child, yes, but having one with you seem like the best option in his life, and you feel it deeply

Zoro :

• Zoro loves to have unprotected sex with you, but he's absolutely lost when it comes to the consequences. He knows how you make babies, of course, but sticking his fourth sword inside of you doesn't mean you're going to have some brat soon... right?

• So Zoro is absolutely clueless when you finally tell him that you're carrying his child... He first thinks that you're goofing around, and he snaps at you that it's really not something funny. But in front of your serious and disappointed look, Zoro understands that you are pregnant

• He panics, and doesn't know how to react. He yells at you that you've been stupid, then he yells at everyone one the ship because, well, it's their fault as well! They didn't tell him that you'd carry his child someday if he keeps having sex like this with you... And he was certainly not ready for this kind of news!

• He sees that you are hurt by his reaction, but he doesn't really find a way to make things better, at first. He can't look at you in the eyes, not because he's mad at you, but because he's absolutely lost and terrified. He knows how to fight enemies, and monsters, but stepping so early in the fatherhood while he's nothing but reckless and imprudent? He feels so bad and unsure about it...

• He needs to talk, but not with you, and after the first period of panic, now he's seeking for help with the older members of the crew. Robin is his best ally, and more than once he looks for her and asks her what he should do, making sure that now one else on the deck see him this way ; and thanks to the raven-haired woman, Zoro knows that he needs to support you, now more than ever

• Clumsily, Zoro makes some efforts to help you along with your pregnancy. Still a bit grumpy and hesitant, he carries whatever you have in the arms, he also circles your waist and helps you going down the stairs (even if you laugh that you're not disabled). He even watches what you're eating during lunches and dinners, asking if this is truly a good meal for you under the dark stares of Sanji (who certainly prepared the best meal for you!)

• After a moment, Zoro finally dares to touch your belly, and it becomes a sort of addiction and a real pleasure. Often, he plasters his large hand on your tummy, enjoying the roundness and the softness of the spot, while he says nothing, but simply drags you even closer

• He's much more tender, despite his lack of confidence on the fact that he's going to be a father. Even in public, he sometimes puts a kiss on your neck, or brushes your arm, his eyes always looking at your swollen tummy and the fact that there's a piece of him growing in there

• Oh you better be sure that no one will ever get close to you! Harsh, possessive, Zoro shows his teeth whenever someone approaches, and you feel utterly protected by your man. It's almost like an instinct within him, and Zoro wouldn't really admit that he tends to lose it when you're around

• Yes, of course, he hopes that you're going to have a lil' warrior, and that he will be able to teach him some sword moves. He definitely accepts that he's going to be a father, and even if he keeps this thought for himself, everyone knows how much he's happy about the situation

Kid :

• Oh... the most difficult topic you would ever have to bring on the table is finally here. You know how much Kid hates children and weak creatures, and for a moment, you're truly afraid about his reaction

• And frankly, you were right. As soon as Kid understands that you're pregnant, you can only picture his angry stare, and that look of disgust spreaded on his face. He's terribly mad at you, because the fun part of having you in bed was because he was sure you weren't stupid enough to get knock up

• He tells you to piss off, and to go away, and for a long time, you are almost sure that Kid is that close to throw you out of his boat. You feel desperate, because you can't even wish to have a word with him. He turns his feet when he crosses your road, he slams his door if you walk in front of it, and he snaps you to get away from his sight whenever you enter the kitchen room for dinner time

• For a long, very long moment, you're alone with your thoughts, and only Killer is there to make you feel slightly better. He reassures you a lot, and says that Kid is someone brutal and stupid, but if you are still around, it's because he wants you but he needs to man-up, and he will accept the situation

• So one day, and out of nowhere, Kid slams your door open and walks angrily to your bed, sliding his body in your sheets to suddenly drag you against his chest, sighing heavily, as if he's doing the greatest effort of his life. "If you pick a dumb name, I swear I'm not recognizing your shrimp." He snaps, putting your face against his chest so you don't see his embarrassed features

• From an absolutely walking nightmare, Kid suddenly becomes your brutal guardian angel. He's always by your side, pushing people if he believes they walk too closely, throwing his middle finger in the air if someone dares looking at you. He tends to overreact, but deep down, it makes you feel so good to be protected this way

• "Kid is having a baby" becomes the main topic on board, and hell yes, he's bragging at the dinner table, saying that he's going to have a warrior, and a damn good pirate, and you can't even say anything, watching your man getting all excited about his fatherhood, arguing loudly to whoever dares not to follow his ambitions about his child

• He's completely lost for the baby stuff though... He thinks that you doesn't need anything particular, and when Killer comes back from town with baby clothes, dummies and diapers, for the first time he keeps it quiet and looks at all of this with some curious eyes

• When you're lied in bed in the afternoon because you're absolutely lifeless, he wants to talk about all the things his kid would do, and despite your tiredness and the fact that you heavily wish to nap, Kid keeps you up for hours, talking about his dreams and hopes for your child, his hand sometimes touching your tummy

• You wouldn't know how much Kid is proud to become a father, and despite his violent and harsh nature, you certainly feel his love for you in his proud stare on you, whenever he slaps his hand on your rear, and greets you with a carnal smile and a "that's my girl here", full of an endless desire. You're his woman, his love and his treasure, and you understand how much he's going to love his kid

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? Chocolate. 

2. Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots? Snowstorm without boots. As someone in a wheelchair, boots wouldn’t make a difference for me.

3. Let’s say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go? Backwards. I would probably go just a few years back so I could change some things that are affecting me now.

4. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? Time travel would be pretty dope.

5. Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a ’90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you’re “them”? Would you choose to switch back? Hmm. Maybe Oprah. She’s a billionaire and lives a pretty low key life. Ha, not sure how she’d react to waking up as a 31 year old paraplegic who is dealing with physical and mental health issues and spends most of their time in bed, not doing a whole lot, and is certainly not rich. Maybe she’d be able to catch up on rest if needed? ha. As for me, I’d like to just go to a nice private getaway somewhere. Buy a house for real me and my family to have when we switch back and furnish it. If we weren’t in a pandemic, I’d love to travel. I’m sure she has a private jet. I’d have to remember I’m Oprah, though, so I couldn’t just go out and about freely without being bombarded. I’d figure out something. Anyway, I definitely would switch back, but it would be fun for a little bit. I could feel what it’s like to be successful and a functioning adult with a very comfortable income.

6. Any allergies? Just seasonal ones. 

7. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Sex toys.

8. Did you get enough sleep last night? I never do.

9. You’re the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go? Uhhh. Wow, I have no idea. That would be horrible.

10. If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be? I don’t want to be in a movie or TV show.

11. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? I’ve never killed any animal.

12. Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your entire life? Oh man. Not be to sick ever again sounds amazing, but... that’s tough.  Can I take Dramamine for the nausea? ha. 

13. A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it? No.

14. Could you win the Hunger Games? Absolutely not.

15. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult? Hm. I was a witch or a vampire a lot as a kid. As an adult I was a vampire a few times, but a “cool” one cause I had a leather jacket. haha.

16. Do you bite your nails? I pick at and clip my nails. Constantly.

17. What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? The first one I remember is The Rugrats Movie, but I know that’s not the first one I ever saw.

18. Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists? I enjoy a variety of music from both.

19. You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There’s only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby? Sydney. 

20. If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast? I don’t know, man.

21. If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose? I’d love to be able to play the piano. I took lessons when I was younger, but was just alright. I think I had potential had I taken it more seriously and practiced more. But yeah, I’d love to be a fabulous pianist. 

22. For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? Um, no.

23. If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction? I don’t curse very often as it is and I’m pretty good about who’s around when I do, but I’d just be like, “whoops, sorry.”

24. Of what animal are you most afraid? I have this irrational fear of killer whales. I never encounter them, thankfully, but the fear is still real. I can’t even look at a photo of one. However, I don’t really have like an active fear of animals, if that makes sense. I just avoid any photos or videos or anything of killer whales. And like, there are many animals that could rip me apart and that’s terrifying, but it’s not as present or active or whatever as my fear of bugs, which I do encounter and are much more likely to.

25. Pizza or oral sex? Odd combo, but I’ll take the pizza.

26. Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? Nope.

27. You’re in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go “OH SHIT, THAT’S MY JAM!” What song is it? It could be a lot of songs, from something more recent to something from back when I was growing up. 

28. Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? No.

29. If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal? I really don’t think I’d have an appetite. 

30. Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear? No.

31. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? Would I be immune to the virus if I were invisible? If so, then I’d travel.

32. Have you ever been punched in the face? No.

33. How do you take your ramen noodles? I like to add shredded cheese to mine. It’s so good.

34. Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them? Yeppp.

35. How much black do you wear on a regular basis? That’s a lot of my wardrobe.

36. Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any? No. I’ve kinda wanted one for years, but I really don’t see myself ever getting one.

37. If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? NOOO.

38. Do you know how to pronounce the word “pinochle”? I don’t know if I’m saying it right, I’m not familiar with the word.

39. Can you think of anything more boring than bird watching? Watching paint dry.

40. Are you better with numbers or words? Words, definitely. 

41. At the movies, do you stay for the credits? Only for certain movies that have end credit scenes, like the Marvel movies.

42. Is morality universal or relative? Hm.

43. Let’s say you’re getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met? I might leave out it was just supposed to be for one night of casual sex.

44. What’s the worst name you’ve ever been called? I’ve said the worst things to myself.

45. Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? Um, HELL no. It would make no difference to me how it was prepared, it’s not happening.

46. At what age did you stop believing in Santa? I think I was 8.

47. Do you get along better with old people or little kids? Older people.

48. If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer? None.

49. What’s your best bodily feature, objectively speaking? I hate my body, I’m very self-conscious about it.

50. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don’t have one anymore, but back in the day I used to watch Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien. I was around for the whole late night TV drama that went down years ago between them.

[rottenxroses]

1. What is you middle name?

Rose

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

August 9th 1991

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Leo ♌️. Leo moon, Leo sun, Gemini rising

5. What is your favorite color?

Pink, black, purple

6. What’s your lucky number?

4

7. Do you have any pets?

Yes! And old man cat and fish. Lol

8. Where are you from?

New York

9. How tall are you?

5”7

10. What shoe size are you?

10

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

6 🤷🏻‍♀️ not a shoe person

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember 😅

13. What talents do you have?

Raising a baby? That takes talent! Lol

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I trust in my gut

15. Favorite song?

At the moment, I have so many. I’m on a Fleetwood Mac kick lately

16. Favorite movie?

The shape of water

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

My husband 🥰

18. Do you want children?

Currently have 1, maybe in the future

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Didn’t have my wedding in a church, so not really?

20. Are you religious?

Not to sure anymore.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

MULTIPLE TIMES. And not just for me but other people.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I don’t kiss and tell 😏

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Nah. Introvert

24. Baths or showers?

Shower

25. What color socks are you wearing?

None! Because I’m wearing sandles

26. Have you ever been famous?

Locally yes! When I uh....got arrested with my family...dm me for deets!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Noooooo.

28. What type of music do you like?

Rock, classic rock, metal, nu metal, alternative rock, 70s, 80s, 90s. Some stuff, except rap and country.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

No, I’ve been chunky dumping 😏

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my left in a ball. Lol

32. How big is your house?

BIG. There’s a lot of us.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Toast and coffee

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yup! I don’t really like it...felt too good.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes! I got awards in grade school and in high school for my archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

🤷🏻‍♀️

37. Favorite swear word?

Shit, bitch...

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Sleep?? What’s that?

39. Do you have any scars?

Many

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Then it wouldnt be a secret then would it?

41. Are you a good liar?

When I have to be.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Nope, learning that the hard way now.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

3-4? Idk

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No. Lol I don’t have the typical “New Yorker” accent. I live upstate in the woods

45. What is your favorite accent?

Russian 🤤

46. What is your personality type?

Shy and conceded? Lmao I don’t know?

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

All my killstar clothes 😭

48. Can you curl your tongue?

I can do many things with my tongue 👅

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie?

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Depends on the size

52. Favorite food?

Sushi 🍣

53. Favorite foreign food?

....sushi.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

A little of both, it’s hard to clean up after a baby when they’re constantly destroying everything you love

55. Most used phrased?

“Are you serious?” “No! Bad!” “No don’t touch that” “let’s change your booty hole (diaper)”

56. Most used word?

No. Lmao

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

30-45 mins

58. Do you have much of an ego?

😳

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time, that’s why I take meds!

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes!

62. Are you a good singer?

Nope!

63. Biggest Fear?

Heights, and death to my family

64. Are you a gossip?

😈

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

It was a show, black mirror? And there was a pig involved 😳 still don’t like talking about that

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Nah chill. America sucks

68. Favorite school subject?

Art!

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope

71. What makes you nervous?

Everything 😪

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No, I’m scared of what’s IN the dark.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Nah, let them look stupid.

74. Are you ticklish?

Not really

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yes. I’m mommy. Lmao

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Psh. Ok.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

PSH OK

79. Who was your first real crush?

John Pedrosa, and he broke my heart, at a lovely age of 13 😂

80. How many piercings do you have?

14

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Rrrrrrrrr

82. How fast can you type?

Pretty fast, worked with computers for 5 years

83. How fast can you run?

Not fast at all. Lol

84. What color is your hair?

Blondish??

85. What color is your eyes?

Blue/green/ yellow

86. What are you allergic to?

I don’t know anymore

87. Do you keep a journal?

Yes, and I only write when I’m raging. So it’s a slam journal

88. What do your parents do?

My dad is out of my life so idk, my mom sells cars

89. Do you like your age?

Nope, because it’s catching up with me. Lmao

90. What makes you angry?

Childish shit, don’t have time or patience

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah sure. Lmao

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

It’s a surprise!

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I have a boy, I wish for a girl next

94. What are you strengths?

Being Mommy, making people uncomfortable, making people laugh,

95. What are your weaknesses?

My husband, he’s so spoiled I can never say no. Lmao

96. How did you get your name?

After Mariah Carey lol

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not at all, they were very poor Italians.

98. Do you have any scars?

You asked this already??

99. Color of your bedspread?

Black

100. Color of your room?

Beige

[strangelock221b]

5. baking cookies

Sweet As Sugar (AO3)

It wasn’t until December, three months after adopting Evelyn, that Stephen was ready to admit he couldn’t cut it as a single father. There are plenty of single parents out there and they all do great jobs but it’s too much for me, and Evie would love to have a mother. She still misses her biological mother terribly, though she tries to hide it.

Not that he didn’t have help – Wong and all of the Avengers were always happy to lend a hand, no more so than Peter Parker. The teenager could always be counted on to babysit and Evelyn adored him.

Daddy? Where are you? I’m awake and I need a new diaper.

Stephen chuckled at his daughter’s thoughts in his head as he headed for the Sanctum’s nursery. After talking to Prof. Charles Xavier and having her DNA tested (her blood being drawn was much more traumatic for Stephen than it was for the baby), it was determined that Evelyn was a telepathic mutant. She hadn’t yet figured out how to read other people’s minds but projecting her own thoughts when she needed to communicate was instinctive.

He found her standing up in her crib, her tiny hands gripping the side, her little face scrunched up as she whimpered her discomfort, but she brightened when she saw him, holding up her arms to him.

Daddy, pick me up!

Stephen chuckled as he scooped her up and carried her to the changing table. After a new diaper and trading her onesie for a pastel pink pants and matching hoodie outfit (not that Evelyn would ever wear the hood up – Stephen’s little girl hated wearing anything on her head), he picked her up again, grinning at her. “Now that you’re dry and dressed for the day, good morning, Evie.”

She grinned back. Good morning, Daddy! Where are we going today?

“First, the kitchen, since I know a little girl who needs breakfast.”

Me!

“Yep. Then to Avengers Tower, I need to talk to your Aunt Pepper.”

Yay!

After a quick and only slightly messy breakfast, Stephen made sure they were both clean and presentable before opening a portal to the Avengers Tower lobby. They were just getting on the elevator when an unfamiliar female voice called out, “Hold the elevator!”

Holding Evelyn with one arm, he dutifully pressed the button to hold the doors open before looking up to see who spoke. The gorgeous brunette heading for them made his jaw drop but he quickly recovered when Evelyn giggled at him.

“Thanks!” the woman said, grinning, as she got into the elevator, set her canvas shopping bags down, and took a moment to catch her breath. “I’m Darcy Lewis, you must be Stephen Strange.”

Stephen released the button and nodded as the doors closed and the elevator started its ascent. “What gave me away?” he asked, smiling a bit. “The hands? The gray temples? The facial hair?”

Darcy grinned. “All of the above, plus this little cutie.” She made a silly face at Evelyn, who giggled. “Every Avenger has at least a dozen photos of little Evie Strange on their phone. Thor even got a smartphone just so he could have photos of her on it.”

That’s when it clicked for Stephen. “You’re Jane Foster’s assistant.”

“Guilty. Now that Jane and Thor are back together, he insisted that we move in here.” She smirked at him, her eyes dancing. “I have to say, I really like the view.”

His cheeks turned warm and he knew, just knew, his face was red but he was feeling too good to care. It’s been too long since I flirted with a beautiful woman. “Mine’s improving by the minute.”

I like her, Daddy. She’s funny.

Stephen chuckled. “That she is, sweetheart.”

Darcy grinned delightedly. “Is Evie talking to you? What did she say?”

“She likes you and she thinks you’re funny.”

“Aww!” She held out her hands to the baby and Evelyn didn’t hesitate before reaching for her.

Stephen gently handed her the baby and couldn’t help smiling at the sight of them – Evelyn listening raptly while Darcy told her an age-appropriate version of what had happened to her in New Mexico. She held the baby like a pro, making Stephen wonder if she had nieces or nephews somewhere.

By the time they got to the residential floors of the Tower, the baby was giggling and Darcy was giggling right along with her. She looked over at Stephen, grinning. “After you guys are done doing whatever it is you’re here for, you wanna come over to my place? I’m baking cookies.” She nudged one of the shopping bags with her foot. “You’re more than welcome to have some.”

Stephen grinned back. “Evie’s a little young for cookies yet but I’m definitely the right age. I just wanted to talk to Pepper then we’ll be right over.”

“Sure thing.” When the elevator arrived at her floor, she handed back the baby then picked up her bags. “See you in a bit, Stranges.”

Where’s she going, Daddy? Evelyn asked as the elevator doors closed.

“Darcy’s going home but we’ll see her soon.”

I like her. You like her too.

He chuckled. “I do, you’re right.”

Can she be my new Mommy?

The question knocked him for a loop. “Um, that’s not how it works. She and I would go out on dates, that could take months or even years. Then, if I decide she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I’d ask her to marry me. If she says yes, then it’d be a few more months until we got married.” He saw the excited gleam in her eye and added, “But I don’t even know if she likes me like that. Feelings are complicated, Evie.”

She pouted. Everything’s complicated.

Stephen smiled at her sympathetically. “To a nine-month-old, yes, it is.”

By the time he got to Pepper’s apartment, Friday advised him that she was on a call. Stephen asked Friday to have Pepper call him later, then he took Evelyn down to Darcy’s floor.

She opened her door, a frilly pink apron over her sweater and jeans, and grinned at him. “C’mon in, I just got started.” Taking the diaper bag from him, she led him into the spacious gourmet kitchen.

Stephen conjured Evelyn’s playpen in the open area by the breakfast nook then set her in it and she started playing with her stuffed animals. Once he was satisfied that she was sufficiently occupied, he sat down at the island and watched Darcy work.

“Snickerdoodles?” he asked, eyeing the cinnamon and sugar.

Darcy chuckled. “Can’t get anything past you, Stephen. Yeah, they’re my favorite this time of year.” She smiled over at him. “So, what’s it like raising a telepathic baby?”

He smiled a bit. “It’s not that much different than raising a non-telepathic baby – she’s talking in my head when she wants something instead of crying. I just hope it’ll be a while before she can read my thoughts – I need to practice putting up walls since there are some things kids don’t need to know.”

“I’ll bet. How are you handling single fatherhood?”

“Not well, that’s why I came to see Pepper – I wanted to ask her how I go about dating when I have a kid but she’s on a conference call right now.”

Darcy shrugged. “I don’t know anything about dating as a single parent, but I know a lot about modern dating. I can try to help.” She put the first batch of cookies in the oven then picked up her phone. “Okay, ready to take dictation – what kind of woman are you looking for?”

Stephen blinked in surprise at her sudden efficiency. “Um … I’m not sure? She has to love kids, of course, and be okay with me having one. Eventually, I’d want her to love Evie.”

She grinned. “That’s not hard – your kid is very lovable.”

He grinned back, relaxing. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. What else?”

Stephen thought it over. “Good sense of humor, a big heart, open-minded, and of course, she’d have to be comfortable with me being a sorcerer and an Avenger. Watching the person you love leave to put themselves in harm’s way isn’t for everyone.”

Darcy nodded as she typed the character traits into her phone. “Right. Age range?”

“I’m 42, so … 32-47.”

“Okay. Height?”

“I’m not picky. And if your next question is body type, I’m not picky about that either.” He blushed suddenly as a stray thought hit him.

She, of course, picked up on it. “You’re blushing,” she said, grinning. “Spill.”

Stephen chuckled. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Men don’t blush over nothing. Spill.”

“I was reminded that I’m, well, an ass man.”

Darcy smirked. “Yeah, I’m not adding that to the list.” The oven timer beeped so she took the cookies out of the oven and transferred them to a rack then spooned out the next batch. Once those were in the oven, she picked up her phone again. “Career?”

“Doesn’t matter. She could be jobless, a janitor, or a supermodel, it’s all the same to me.”

“I like a guy whose ego isn’t fragile. Marital history?”

“That doesn’t matter either, as long as she’s not currently married.”

Darcy chuckled. “Right.”

Evelyn chimed in from the playpen. She has to smile a lot, like Darcy.

Stephen grinned at her. “You’re absolutely right, Evie – a happy outlook is important.” He turned to Darcy and chuckled at her curious look. “Evie says my future girlfriend should smile a lot.”

“Got it,” she said as she typed it into the phone. “Does she talk to anyone else or just you?”

“Evie’s able to talk to anyone,” he smiled proudly, “it’s just that I’m her favorite.”

“Daddy’s little girl,” Darcy said, grinning. “Well, leave it to me, Stephen – I’ll find you and Evie the next Mrs. Strange.”

“I have full faith in you, Darcy.”

Me too.

Stephen grinned. “And so does Evie.”

*

A week later, Stephen and Evelyn were back in Darcy’s kitchen. This time, Evelyn was sitting on Stephen’s knee as he held her with one arm, his free hand holding a sugar cookie while Evelyn batted it with a small paintbrush dipped in green icing. It was getting everywhere but both of them were having too much fun to notice.

“Oh, I have to take a picture,” Darcy murmured fondly as she held up her phone. “Say ‘Cheese,’ Stranges.”

“Cheese,” Stephen said, grinning.

Cheese!

Darcy took the photo then stared at them. “I … I heard her.”

Stephen looked down at Evelyn, amazed. “You sent your thought to both of us at the same time? You’ve never done that before.”

She looked up at him, grinning. Yep, it was easy.

“I heard that too,” Darcy said.

He chuckled. “My girl’s getting stronger.”

“When you two are done redecorating my kitchen,” Darcy said playfully, “I want to talk to you about the bride hunt.”

Stephen immediately felt guilty – he’d spent the past week thinking about Darcy instead of wondering what kind of woman she’d find. “I think she’s done with this one,” he said after Evelyn stuck the paintbrush in her mouth. He set the cookie on the plate. “Can I have that, Evie?” When she dutifully gave him the paintbrush, he set that on the island then looked at Darcy. “How’s it going?”

Darcy sighed quietly. “Not well. Maybe my standards are too high, but you’re a great guy and Evie is the sweetest kid ever – you two deserve the best.”

Evelyn looked from Darcy to Stephen. I want Darcy to be my new Mommy.

Stephen choked on the sip of coffee he’d just taken then he looked at Darcy. “Did you hear that?” he asked cautiously.

“Hear what?” she asked, confused.

“Evie said something.”

“Must’ve been to just you. What did she say?”

He could feel his cheeks getting warm as he thought about how perfect Darcy was for him – every trait he told her to find in another woman, she had in spades. The fact that Evelyn was crazy about her sealed the deal. “You can stop looking, Darcy – Evie and I both think you’re perfect for us.”

Darcy’s eyes went comically wide then her grin was just as wide. “Well, if you’re both think so…”

Stephen grinned back. “We do.”

“Then, got any plans for dinner?”

[thedeaditeslayer]

Dead Doll's Eyes: Bruce Campbell Talks New Evil Dead and Calls Out Martin Scorsese’s Bulls—t.

You can choose to read the interview below or click the link above to listen to the ten minute recorded version. 

Bruce Campbell burrowed his way into our hearts as a dashing B-movie icon with roles in a litany of cult classics, from Evil Dead to Bubba Ho-Tep.

After returning to his roots to play Ash Williams for three seasons of delightfully gratuitous gore in Ash vs Evil Dead, Campbell put away his chainsaw for good when Starz cancelled the series in 2018. However, much to fans’ delight, Evil Dead trilogy director and Ash vs Evil Dead producer Sam Raimi recently announced a forthcoming entry to the franchise with Campbell attached as a producer. Even better: although Ash won’t return to fight Deadites in live action, Campbell will lend his voice to an upcoming Evil Dead video game.

To accompany the rerelease of his memoir Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor — now with an added “Requiem for Ash” chapter — Campbell is dropping by the Alamo City next week for a screening of Army of Darkness and audience Q&A. He promises it’ll be a good time — “There’s lots of stories about the making of that ridiculous movie.”

We caught up with Campbell over the phone, and he shared his thoughts on retiring Ash, teased some upcoming projects and even offered a few choice words for Martin Scorsese.

After Ash vs Evil Dead was cancelled you decided to hang up the character and retire him.

I did, didn’t I?

Unlike other actors who retire their characters, it’s not so much that you’re sick of Ash Williams, but that the demands of filming such a special effects-heavy series led you to reach something you’ve called “The Latex Point.” Could you expand on the on-set demands of Ash vs Evil Dead and why they’re so taxing?

Well, my wife sort of put a finger on it — as she so often does. She came into the trailer one day the last season of shooting, and I’m sitting there miserable because I had to put down plastic sheeting everywhere I went. I’d stick to everything because I was always covered with blood.

She goes, “I know what your problem is — you got Poopy Diaper Syndrome.”

I’m like, “What’re you talking about?”

“You’re like a 3-year-old or a 2-year-old sitting in a poopy diaper, and you can’t get out of your poopy diaper. No one will help you change your poopy diaper.”

So really, it’s that. It’s a series of lying face down in cellars. And it occurred to me multiple times. I’d be lying there literally face down, waiting for a shot, covered in blood in a dark cellar on the dirt, and I’m like, “Is this where I belong?” And the answer was “yes” for a long time, but it’s not a permanent place where you wanna be. Not as a 60-year-old man.

I wanted to avoid that Star Wars crap, where they’re holding these actors up with baling wire and cotton balls, you know what I mean? Feeding them their lines of dialogue through earbuds. I couldn’t do that. I could still pull the character off, so I wanted to finish while I could still do it.

And not have it kind of become…

Uh, sad. We don’t want sadness.

But you’re not leaving Evil Dead. You’re attached as a producer to a new movie, and it’s going to bring new blood into the franchise, including a director hand-picked by Sam Raimi. How does it feel to be able to step back, but still help usher in this new era?

Well, fantastic. Because, look, we can work with these directors. We can support them in the ways that we’ve always wanted to be supported. We can punish them in the ways that we should have been punished. We can hire actors that are good and well behaved, because I know what to look for. And when we get an actor, we can tell them how to best use their time and not party. We’ve learned a lot over the years, so we can share and torment these directors into making a good movie. There’s definitely a place for us. We’ll be there behind the scenes pulling the strings on these little monkeys.

How does it compare so far to the development process for Fede Álvarez’s 2013 Evil Dead? Or is it too early to say?

It’s too early, and every director’s different. Fede was very specific. I’d never worked with Fede, so I wanted to make sure he could work with actors. I sat in for only one day during auditions, and I could see how he would see a take, work with the actors, and the second take was better. After I saw two or three of those, I was like, OK — I’m outta here. This guy knows how to get a better take out of an actor. Done. That’s a huge accomplishment. And he was already very astute with special effects.

What you have to do is find out what the director’s strength is and encourage that, and find out what their weaknesses are and either fix that or discourage that. Some directors are great with actors but they suck at special effects, some are great at special effects but they don’t know how to talk to actors. It’s a really delicate dance. The modern movie is very delicate, because the modern movie has way more special effects now.

In Captain Marvel, even the cat was CGI most of the time he was onscreen.

Lemme tell ya, I’m gonna make a bold statement here.

The Irishman has more digital effects than the most recent Marvel movie, but you just don’t notice. Which why I call B.S. on Marty Scorsese calling out the Marvel movies. It’s like, bullshit! You just used more digital effects than a Marvel movie, and you’re telling me that’s cinema but the other one isn’t?

But the point is, I don’t buy it. I mean, I can’t wait to watch that movie, because I’m gonna be driven insane by Robert DeNiro at 42, Robert DeNiro at 47, Robert DeNiro at 31. It’s just gonna drive me insane, because I’m gonna look at it and I’m gonna be looking at dead doll’s eyes and, you know, they’re gonna do a good job, but they’re all gonna look like sharks.

Now that you’re no longer beholden to the intense schedule of TV production, are there any projects that you’re able to look at that weren’t an option before?

Well, one of two things can happen. I finally told my agent, “OK,” because I had to pass on some things in the last couple years that were decent projects, because I had a bunch of other random stuff going. If you open up your schedule, you can allow for stuff like that. All of 2020 is currently completely open. I have zero bookings for the first time in probably 15 years. I like booking my year — I like knowing what’s going on — but, in this case I’m gonna leave work open to fall off the truck from my agency.

But I also have a TV project that I’m pushing and a feature film project. I will go back under the TV knife under the right conditions, and I have a project that I would do that for. “Under the knife” meaning to sign a contract.

The beauty of it is with these limited series now, no one has to commit to shit these days. One season, two seasons, three seasons, you know. So, we’ll see what happens. I just wrote a feature film — a political satire — and I wanna make that next, so I’m in the process of shopping it. I’m hat in hand right now.

You’ve been in the director’s chair, both for Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess as well as your horror comedy My Name is Bruce. Would you be interested in directing again, possibly for the movie you just wrote?

All the projects that I’m currently gonna be involved with now, moving forward, I’ll be directing in some way. Raising money for low budget movies — I have as much experience as anybody now, so there’s no reason to look for anybody else. I’ll just direct myself.

It’s time for the new sheriff to come into town.

Another thing that makes Evil Dead so compelling is the long-running team behind it. Even if it’s not Evil Dead, would you be down to act in future projects with Sam and Ted Raimi, or your Ash vs Evil Dead costars?

Well, I would be happy to work with any of them again, but I just can’t say. Sam, who knows? Sam’s off making these 10-minute shorts. I forget the name of the company, but everyone’s making shorts now, so go figure.

Kind of like YouTube — getting on that train?

Yeah, I don’t know. It’s all new to me. I’m sticking with the true-blue formats for now.

If you had the opportunity to reprise any other characters that you’ve played previously, like fan favorite Brisco County, Jr., would you be interested? Or do you want to focus on all new material and characters?

New stuff is always my favorite, but I would definitely do Brisco Rides Again, and I would definitely do more Burn Notice. We’re sort of circling the building now with Burn Notice. Maybe it’s time to save the world again. The world needs us.

You recently updated your memoir Hail to the Chin with a new “Requiem for Ash,” and are making appearances tied to the book’s rerelease. How do you integrate tours and press appearances without blowing out your schedule, and how do they differ from press junkets you do for film and TV?

The beauty of working with a company is when it’s time to do press, they’ve really got it down. I saved a bunch of my itineraries from Ash vs Evil Dead just because of how ridiculous they were, so I can look back and show my grandchildren “this was a press day in New York City.” So, you really got the support. The only difference is when you do low budget stuff, or even books, you’re kind of on your own, and it’s way more down-home. It’s Twitter, it’s Facebook, it’s Facebook ads or whatever. It’s no national TV — nothin’. It’s a whole different ball game.

You know, I’m a one-man band. I’ll miss a few interviews because I forgot or didn’t put it in my schedule or whatever. Someone’ll call, I’ll go, “What do you want?” They’re like, “We have a phoner.” I go, “Really? Ok, great.” This one I happened to remember. We do what we can.

A Conversation with Bruce Campbell and Screening of Army of Darkness: $29.50-$125, 8 p.m. Friday, October 25, Aztec Theatre, 104 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 812-4355, theaztectheatre.com.

[thisguyatthemovies]

A Hardy effort

Title: “Capone”

Release date: On disc/streaming May 12, 2020

Starring: Tom Hardy, Linda Cardellini, Kyle MacLachlan, Jack Lowden, Matt Dillon, Noel Fisher, Al Sapienza, Kathrine Narducci, Tilda Del Toro, Wayne Pere, Gino Cafarrelli, Josh Trank, Edgar Arreola, Mason Guccione

Directed by: Josh Trank

Run time: 1 hour, 43 minutes

Rated: R

What it’s about: Notorious gangster Al “Scarface” Capone, his body and mind ravaged by neurosyphilis and dementia, lives out his final year at his Florida estate as the government keeps tabs on him.  

How I saw it: The purpose of director/writer/editor Josh Trank’s film about gangster Alphonse “Scarface” Capone’s final year, “Capone,” seems to boil down to this: provide a showy, over-the-top, cartoonish, Oscar-bait type of role to Tom Hardy. Beyond that, the film – a largely incomprehensible mess, and not an engaging one, that swirls around Hardy’s scene-chewing performance – wouldn’t appear to have a reason to exist. Is there still an eager audience in 2020 for the retelling of stories about Prohibition era gangsters?

In this version of Capone’s story (whether it sticks closely to the known facts would seem to matter little, given Trank’s treatment), Capone (Hardy) smokes a lot of fat cigars, soils himself (and his bed) and unknowingly urinates on the furniture, talks nonsense (when he isn’t grunting), experiences frequent bouts of paranoia, goes incognito by dressing as a woman, shoots an alligator from a boat with a shotgun, sings and dances along with the Cowardly Lion during an at-home screening of “The Wizard of Oz,” has hallucinatory flashbacks about his vicious past (ones that apparently don’t produce any remorse) and goes berserk with a gold-plated Tommy gun while chewing on an unsliced carrot (his doctor having taken away his cigars) while he’s wearing an open robe and adult diaper. That last part really happens in the movie.

The plot? Trank doesn’t give us much of one, other than Capone getting gradually more ill and then dying. The closest “Capone” comes to drama is a side plot about the gangster supposedly having buried about $10 million (that’s almost $150 million in today’s dollars) but forgetting where it is, and federal agents trying every trick in the book to get Capone to reveal the location. The obligatory summarizing printed words just before the credits tell us Capone’s money was never found. The film also includes a storyline about a teenage son who Capone doesn’t acknowledge trying to talk to his father on the phone (as federal agents listen), but it’s neither here nor there because it goes unresolved; the scenes mostly serve as an intermission to the Hardy-as-Capone craziness.

And Hardy’s Capone is plenty crazy. Say what you will about the film, but the 42-year-old British actor (he is playing a 47-going-on-87 Capone) goes all in for his roles, and for this one he most definitely is all in. He is only recognizable through his eyes. Hardy wears prosthetics to recreate Capone’s garish face scars and is given a balding head, and he’s dumpier than usual; his physique looks nothing like it did when he played Bane in the Batman movie “The Dark Knight Rises.” Speaking of Bane, Hardy’s Capone voice is nearly as comically bad and every bit as difficult to understand (must be all those cigars). Thankfully, viewing at home allows for the use of captioning. That way you know Capone is saying mostly “ehhh” and “mmmm.” The supporting cast is solid – especially Linda Cardellini as Capone’s wife Mae, Jack Lowden as a young FBI agent who must convince his superiors Capone still is relevant in 1947, and Matt Dillon as Johnny, an acquaintance of Capone – but takes such a backseat to the central figure that it matters little who plays the other characters.

“Capone” seems jumbled because it bounces between reality (we think) and Capone’s dreamlike consciousness. In one scene that seems to go on forever, Capone (though still the gravely ill version) walks through the crowd in a ballroom and joins Louis Armstrong on stage for a duet of “Blueberry Hill.” In another flashback, Capone is present for the brutal murder of a masked snitch, as one of his associates, Gino (Gino Cafarelli), stabs the man’s neck more than a dozen times while screaming f-bombs. Hardy’s Capone is at times funny, sometimes unintentionally, but if that was supposed to be the tone, the effort is undermined by what amounts to exploitation of a character with elderly traits even though he hadn’t yet reached 50. Watching a grown man soil himself while being interviewed by federal agents is far more sad and gross than humorous or entertaining.

By the end of the plodding movie, it isn’t clear if Trank was trying to paint a sympathetic picture of a prematurely dying man or making a statement about people like Capone getting their comeuppance, or something straight down the middle. “Capone” doesn’t work as any of those options, even with Hardy giving it his all.

My score: 33 out of 100

Should you watch it? Not necessarily, unless you are fascinated by old-timey American gangsters and/or a diehard fan of Hardy.

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

[thisdayinfavrd]

May 11, 2009

Dude. You gotta learn to flush.  And apparently chew.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 86

Superman: "You asleep?" Me: "Am I talking to you?" Superman: "Yes." Me: "Then yes. I am asleep." Superman: "Cool. Let's fight bad guys!"   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 79

Sorry son, an after-dinner game of catch is only offered on Dad Premium Edition™. I'm just Dad Basic™. Wanna split this funnel cake?   @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 77

I accidentally turned to the smooth jazz station and was naked by the time I could change the channel.   @Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee B) – 71

Once bitten, twice shy, thrice starting to like it, four-times the safe word is "luncheon meats".   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 69

Every time I watch Mythbusters "debunk" MacGyver, I find myself thinking, "Yeah, but MAYBE it didn't work because You Are Not MacGyver!"   @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 56

Every time y'all talk about your kids I imagine how cute, and fulfilling they must be to raise. Then I go back to doing anything I want.   @pheend (P. nutigusti) – 54

I would be enjoying this apple so much more if it were nachos.   @Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 53

Monday Eve is pretty much the lamest Eve.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 50

Today they gave me fries with paprika on them. Then a cookie with raisins in it. I ate them anyway. I think I'd hold up well under torture.   @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 50

6 year old just went on a nude rampage against an inflatable Bozo. Not for fun- this family believes in preparing for the clown wars.   @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 48

Isn't this the best rhetorical question ever?   @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 48

If you turn all your Mini-Wheats frosting-side down, you can pretend you're a much more health-conscious person.  Mmm, whole-grain goodness.   @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 47

My father caught me crocheting a diaper for my kitty. The doctors give him two weeks, tops.   @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 47

"Benedict XVI Defends Women in Mideast." I assume the pope has traded in his funny hat for a mesh trucker hat, what with all the irony.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 46

If this hurts me worse than it hurts you, I'm doing it wrong.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 46

People who used to say "globalization" every 3rd sentence now seem to say "global economic crisis." I assume the angel still gets his wings.   @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 43

Some days I think about my four years in college and all the wild, frenzied sex I like to believe I had back then.   @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 43

Me: "I gotta keep moving. I'm like a shark." Wife: "World's most non-threatening shark." Me: "Look at my teeth! They're gummi bears!"   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 40

It's nice that my wife let's me act like I'm the man of the house sometimes, even though she has a better mustache OW OW UNCLE!   @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 40

[quackspot]

imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is:  i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. .  in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

[jwi-sung]

d r a b b l e  g a m e [ ᴏ ᴘ ᴇ ɴ . ]

⇨ send me an ɪᴅᴏʟ + ɴᴜᴍʙᴇʀ + ɢᴇɴʀᴇ  ⇨ please be mindful of the guidelines in send a request ⇨ masterlist

1. “how long have you been standing there?” 2. “i may be an idiot, but i’m not stupid.” 3. “who gave you that black eye?” 4. “you haven’t even touched your food. what’s going on?” 5. “i just like proving you wrong.” 6. “everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” 7. “forget it. you fucking suck.” 8. “quit it or i’ll bite.” 9. “if you use up all the hot water again, i swear to god! you’re on the couch for a month!” 10. “if i die, i’m going to haunt your ass.” 11. “i’m pregnant.” 12. “looks like we’re going to be stuck here for a while.” 13. “well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.” 14. “i’ll kick his ass if you want me to.” 15. “stop it! it tickles!” 16. “it’s okay to cry...” 17. “and that’s how you ruin a life. congratulations!” 18. “d-did you just make that noise?” 19. “he’s a bad kisser.” 20. “you can scream if you want.” 21. “i didn’t know we were keeping track.” 22. “one of them’s missing.” 23. “save some for me.” 24. “oh, fuck off.” 25. “you’re still mad?” 26. “come over here and make me.” 27. “you better watch yourself.” 28. “why did we have to have kids?” 29. “he creeped me out, not gonna lie.” 30. “i’m done! you can fix it!” 31. “eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.” 32. “can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?” 33. “where did he go?” 34. “you leave whenever you feel like it.” 35. “don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.” 36. “you’re going out dressed like that?” 37. “for the hundredth time, i’m not your babysitter.” 38. “frost the damn cupcakes.” 39. “well that’s the second biggest news i’ve heard all day.” 40. “i thought you were dead!” 41. “we’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.” 42. “quit touching me. your feet are cold.” 43. “you know you want it, sweetheart.” 44. “i’m your husband. it’s my job.” 45. “you just wanted them because they light up.” 46. “that wasn’t very subtle.” 47. “he thinks he’s a mind reader.” 48. “it’s just you and me tonight. i was thinking we could have a little fun.” 49. “i don’t do hugs.” 50. “how do i even put up with you?” 51. “i said get rid of it.” 52. “they didn’t just find out. they already knew!” 53. “you’re not as quiet as you think you are.” 54. “can you just man up and change his diaper?” 55. “just don’t buy a goat. i don’t care what you do, just no goats.” 56. “i have a secret.” 57. “i won’t let you get hurt.” 58. “you’re strong, baby. you have to be.” 59. “he’s four years old!” 60. “i’ve had enough! i want to be alone!” 61. “i can’t stand seeing you like this.” 62. “me and the boys will handle it.” 63. “you’re competitive and so am i, and it’s going to lead to a fight.” 64. “mind if i join you?” 65. “i lost our child!” 66. “there’s a surprise upstairs for you.” 67. “i’ll take care of you.” 68. “i’m not your boss? well, then who is it?” 69. “come on, baby, up to bed.” 70. “you can’t eat solids, only liquids until thursday.” 71. “they got you a present. isn’t it sweet?” 72. “am i scaring you?” 73. “run! you said you’d workout with me!” 74. “after everything... i’d still choose you.” 75. “and when did you plan on telling me all about this?” 76. “trust me.” 77. “scoot over a little bit, please.” 78. “you’re so clingy, i love it.” 79. “you didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were hungry.” 80. “did they hurt you?” 81. “you’re cute when you’re all worried.” 82. “stop being grumpy. it’s lame.” 83. “i don’t need a hero. i need a husband.” 84. “don’t shut me out.” 85. “you got a cute butt.” 86. “i just got out of the shower, i can’t dance. what if my towel falls off?” 87. “don’t be an asshole. asshole.” 88. “do you really think i could ever replace you?” 89. “sharing is caring. now give me your fries.” 90. “you can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.” 91. “keep pedalling and don’t stop, okay?” 92. “you, me, popcorn, two liter dr. pepper, and a movie. you in?” 93. “have you seen my contacts?” 94. “life is a highway, and i’m drunk. so i’m not driving.” 95. “quit stalling. where’s your father?” 96. “you can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.” 97. “is he coming home?” 98. “no more dogs! how hard is it for you to understand?” 99. “i let you win.” 100. “can i do your hair?” 101. “your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.” 102. “i told you not to jump on the bed!” 103. “he’s pampering me, let him be.” 104. “i’m worried about losing my job.” 105. “oh, did i scare you, big boy?” 106. “happy new year!” 107. “quit moving, i’m trying to sleep. wait... are you--what?” 108. “you nap, i’ll stay awake.” 109. “it’s turbulence. it’s normal.” 110. “don’t touch me. we’re fighting.” 111. “i’ll give you a massage.” 112. “you fell asleep in the tub?!” 113. “are you doodling?” 114. “slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.” 115. “are you scared?” “...then why won’t you look at the screen?” 116. “enough with the pillow talk, i’m tired.” 117. “you had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so i can fix it.” 118. “we need groceries, not just junk food. you’re worse than kids.” 119. “is this our closet or your closet?” 120. “if i win, you do the dishes for a week.” 121. “fist bumps are cooler than high-fives.” 122. “use your words.” 123. “hold my hand so he gets jealous.” 124. “ew, your hand is sweaty!” 125. “get out of my face before i hit you.” 126. “i don’t care if you’re 4 or 40 years old, you don’t hit people.” 127. “you only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.” 128. “look, fireflies!” 129. “why do you only kiss me when i’m sleeping?” 130. “i just need ten minutes.” 131. (make your own)

[ships-allday-errday]

Drabble Game #1-150

1 “The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

2 “How long have you been standing there?”

3 “I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

4 “Who gave you that black eye?”

5 “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

6 “I just like proving you wrong.”

7 “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

8 “Forget it. You suck.”

9 “Quit it or I’ll bite.”

10 “If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

11 “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

12 “I’m pregnant.”

13 “Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

14 “Take. It. Off.”

15 “Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

16 “I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

17 “Stop it! It tickles!”

18 “It’s okay to cry…”

19 “And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

20 “D..did you just make that noise?”

21 “He’s a bad kisser.”

22 “You can scream if you want.”

23 “I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

24 “We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.”

25 “One of them’s missing.”

26 “Save some for me.”

27 “That’s starting to get annoying.”

28 “You’re still mad?”

29 “Come over here and make me.”

30 “You better watch yourself.”

31 “Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

32 “Why did we have to have kids?”

33 “Call on Line 1”

34 “He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

35 “I’m done! You can fix it!”

36 “Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

37 “Where did he go?”

38 “You leave whenever you feel like it.”

39 “I forgot I was a single parent.”

40 “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

41 “You’re going out dressed like that?”

42 “For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

43 “Frost the damn cupcakes.”

44 “Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

45 “You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

46 “I thought you were dead!”

47 “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

48 “We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

49 “Quit touching me. Your feet are cold.”

50 “You know you want it, sweetheart.”

51 “I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  

52 “You just wanted them because they light up.”

53 “That wasn’t very subtle.”

54 “He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  

55 “It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

56 “I don’t do hugs.”

57 “Don’t talk anymore.”

58 “Dear, Diary...”

59 “How do I even put up with you?”

60 “I said get rid of it.”

61 “They didn’t just find out. They already knew!”

62 “You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

63 “Can you just man up and change his diaper?”

64 “Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

65 “I have a secret.”

66 “I won’t let you get hurt.”

67 “You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

68 “He’s four years old!!”

69 “I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

70 “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

71 “Me and the boys will handle it.”

72 “You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

73 “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

74 “You’re a dork, just like your father.”

75 “Mind if I join you?”

76 “Daddy!”

77 “I lost our child.”

78 “That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?”

79 “My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

80 “There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

81 “I’ll take care of it.”

82 “I’m not your boss? Well then who is?”

83 “You’re seriously like a man-child..”

84 “Come on, baby, up to bed.”

85 “They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

86 “Am I scaring you?”

87 “Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

88 “After everything…I’d still choose you.”

89 “And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

90 “Trust me.”

91 “Scoot over a little bit, please.”

92 “You’re so clingy, I love it.”

93 “Well, that’s tragic.”

94 “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

95 “You’re cute when you’re all worried.”

96 “Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

97 “I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

98 “Don’t shut me out.”

99 “You got a cute butt.”

100 “I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

101 “Don’t be an butthole. Butthole.”

102 “Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

103 “Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

104 “…or we can chill in our underwear.”

105 “You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

106 “Keep pedaling and don’t stop, okay?”

107 “You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

108 “Have you seen my contacts?”

109 “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

110 “Quit stalling. Where’s your father?”

111 “You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

112 “You work for me. You are my slave.”

113 “I prefer blondes.”

114 “No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

115 “I let you win.”

116 “I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

117 “Can I do your hair?”

118 “Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

119 “I told you not to jump on the bed!”

120 “He’s pampering me, let him be.”

121 “Ready or not, here I come.”

122 “I’m worried about losing my job!”

123 “Stop being so cute.”

124 “You smell like a wet dog.”

125 “Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!”

126 “You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

127 “It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

128 “Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

129 “I’ll give you a massage.”

130 “You fell asleep in the tub?!”

131 “Are you doodling?”

132 “You get home as soon as possible, okay!?”

133 “I didn’t think you could get any less romantic.”

134 “Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

135 “Do you think I’m scared of a woman?”

136 “You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

137 “We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re worse than the kids.”

138 “I could punch you right now.”

139 “If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

140 “Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

141 “Use your words.”

142 “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

143 “Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

144 “Get out of my face before I hit you.”

145 “I’m late.”

146 “You only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.”

147 “I feel like I can’t breathe”

148 “Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

149 “Just smile, I really need you to smile right now.”

150 *Make Your Own*

I didn’t make this just copied and pasted all credit goes to @prompt-bank! Visit @prompt-bank for more prompts!