#A Guide to Troubled Primarchs

[moociaoafterdark]

I have no idea why, but I think Mortarion is like... really good at baking. Like it just comes natural to him.

Unfortunately, he also has a nasty habit of eating the dough... Like, before the actual baking starts. He knows this is not how it's supposed to be eaten, he knows that he is the weird one, but... He just can't stop. And, so far, he didn't die from this so... No hurt in doing that from time to time.

On the other hand, if he likes you and you're having trouble baking something he will guide you step by step how to do this. He does expect you to memorize this perfectly and to be able to recreate it without him, but hey! Free baking lesson! From a Primarch, no less!

Also, he does have his own recipes. They mostly use vegetables and herbs, not fruits, but DAMN are they delicious.

[thevoidscreams]

If you're still taking requests, I have one you might like. Primarchs admitting to their new wives that they've never had sex before. Let's see the boys and nervous virgins >:3c

Day four of Mating Press March

I'm picking Vulkan, Sanguinius, Magnus, and Ferrus for this. I hope that selection pleases.

Warnings for mentions of first times sex and blushy primarchs

Paring: primarchs x reader

"So, I'm all yours now. How would you like to have me?" You asked, smiling lovingly up at your towering husband.

Vulkan:

He swallowed hard as you crawled up his body to rest on his chest. He averted his firey red gaze, embarrassed by what he had to tell you.

"I..well I am unsure." He told you.

"Wait, have you never..?" You let the question hang in the air unfinished. Letting him decide if he wanted to finish it.

"I have not been with another, no. It was not for lack of interest, especially with you, my flame." He sighed. "But there was never a good time or opportunity. And as I grew and I became responsible for my sons." He voice trailed off and your hands cupped his cheeks. You were only a bit surprised by this. He was such a busy man.

"Well then, I would happily be your first." You kissed his nose and he wrapped his arms around you.

"Thank you. I would have you be my first and only one, though."

Your heart melted faster than a snowball on Nocturn. "Well, duh. I'm your wife now. I'd sure hope I'd be your only." His smile could have lit up half of Nostromos for how brilliant it was.

"How right you are, my flame. Please, will you guide me. I do not wish you hurt you, especially not on the night of our wedding." He appealed, and you were happy to oblige. How could you not for your beloved lord of drakes.

Sanguinius:

He turned away as you asked him. He was trying to figure out how to answer without leaving you hanging.

You hardly noticed as your angel looked so perfect as he shed his armor for you for the first time. He'd look nothing short of divine in his ceremonial armor. You could hardly pull your eyes away from him.

The celebration after had also been an absolute pleasure, and many of your new 'sons' had come to congratulate you and Sanguinius on your nuptials.

Your eyes trailed up his sculpted naked form. He was perfect. As much as any person could be, you thought. But your eyes stopped on his face. He looked distracted and even nervous.

Your hand reached for his taking it and holding it close to your chest. "What troubles you, my angel?"

He took a deep breath, his cheeks reddening as he searched for the words. "I am.." He took a moment before continuing. "I am well versed in many things. But this is not one of them, my dove."

He kneeled on the bed, still a good deal taller than you. "Well, I don't have much experience either. But between the two of us, I am sure we can combine what we know to figure it out." You offered sweetly.

Sanguinius swallowed down his nervousness. His eyes trailing over your form and the bridal lingerie you'd chosen for the evening 'conclusion'. And he felt excitement flowing through his veins. A hunger like he'd never had before.

He raised your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on them. "What I mean to say, my dove, is that I've never.. I've never been with anyone in this way."

The realization dawned on you and you felt a bit silly.

"Well, if you want, I take what little I know, and we can work it out as we go."

He nodded. "Yes, I would like that very much. Thank you." You opened your arms to him, and he hugged you close. Wrapping you up in his wings.

It didn't take you all night to figure it out. Sanguinius was a quick learner, and you were more than ready to take a trip to heaven with your angel.

Magnus:

You set your brush aside and ran your fingers through Magnus’s bountiful red locks. "There, all smooth and brushed."

A bath had been quite necessary after your wedding. After you and your newly we'd husband had been the target of piece of cake, courtesy of his brother Leman. But it'd all been in good fun and your dress wasn't ruined, which you were grateful for.

Magnus sighed and turned to face you. His single eye shone brighter as he saw you. "Thank you it is always better when you brush it."

"You cupped his cheeks as you slid into his lap. He was smaller than he'd been earlier, just a bit larger than the average human man. At least it would make things a bit easier. His lips met yours, pouring as much love as he could into the gesture. You melted against him. Delighting in your first proper kiss since the ceremony.

Several minutes passed in that sense of bliss until you had to pull away for a breath, your face flushed, and you bit your lip. Quietly, you asked him, excited to consummate your marriage. Magnus also flushed, but unlike you, his blush seemed to be one of embarrassment.

He rested his chin atop your head and hugged you. His twin hearts beating faster.

"I-I do not know." He stammered.

You pulled away quickly, looking up at his face, and saw a deep sense of uncertainty.

"I'm sorry, I mean, we don't have to if you're not interested. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Magnus quickly took your face in his large hands and gasped out an urgent but sincere "No."

That gave you pause, and you felt confused. "No?"

"What I meant," Magnus quickly amended, "is I don't know what I would like."

Still you were partly confused as you tried to piece things together in your mind. "We've talked about some things in the past. Things involving bedroom activities."

You felt stumped as your large and immensely powerful husband fidgeted.

"Magnus, please just tell me what's up."

He looked down at you and felt as well as saw the shift in your aura from arousal and excitement to worry and fear. His hearts clenched, knowing he'd caused you those feelings, and he figured if he couldn't put his pride aside for you, then he wasn't worthy of calling himself your husband.

"I'm a virgin." He blurted out. You looked at him dumbfounded. "My knowledge of sex has been, up till now, purely academic. And I was worried to tell you because I did not want you to think lesser or incapable."

Your opinion of him really did matter yo Jim more than he cared to admit. He was startled when a light chuckle broke from your lips.

"Oh Maggy, no, why would I ever think less of you for that? I mean, I am a bit surprised, though." He wrapped your arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"Why would you be surprised? I'm not like most men after all."

You gave him a shrug. "Exactly. I mean, look at you. You're the most amazingly beautiful man I've ever seen, and you're smart on top of that. You're incredible. I'm shocked you haven't, up until now."

Magnus smiled and nuzzled his nose against yours. "Maybe I was just waiting for my perfect match."

You felt warmth surge in your chest and sighed. "Would you like to just start slow and see where that takes us?"

Magnus nodded, pulling the ties holding your robe in place until he could slip it off. "Yes, I would like that very much."

Ferrus:

The bathroom door creaked open softly as Ferrus stepped out, garbed in nothing but a towel. He'd insisted on rinsing away the sweat of the day so he could be fresh for you before you spent your first night together as husband and wife.

In truth, Ferrus was gathering himself. Collecting his thoughts and trying to calm his pounding hearts. He saw you laid out on the bed and was uncharacteristically uncertain. His gleaming metallic hands held the towel even more firmly. You were a vision, the women he loved and the one he wished to bear his blooded sons.

Stepping up to the bed, Ferrus watched you raise your hands to invite him to join you. Your voice carried up to him, saccharine and warm.

"There is something I must confess." He admitted m, not allowing himself to hide the truth any longer.

His normally pale cheeks colored ever so slightly.

"What is it?" You asked. Ferrus sat on the edge of the bed.

"I have never been intimate with anyone before. I have had opportunities in the past. But I did not."

You took his words in and nodded. Not so much surprised but curious you asked. "Why not?"

Ferrus met your eyes and lifted one hand to tilt your chin up, his fingers so big compared to yours, and you placed a hand on his wrist.

"I have never wanted to before. You are the only one I have ever found to make me feel otherwise."

Your lips curled up in a gentle smile. "You're the only one I want to be with as well."

Ferrus nodded, and a rare ghost of a smile graced his lips.

"I will do my best to be as gentle as I can."

"I know. I trust you, and we'll figure this out together." You freed your chin from his hand and crawled into his lap to kiss him.

His lips were bigger than yours, but you made it work. And you would always make it work. Because he was worth it.

[pureirishnonsense]

It seemed most fitting.

[fuukonomiko]

Mincing Mockingbirds Guide to Troubled Birds + Warhammer 40k

Fulgrim by Mauro Belfiore

Lotara Sarrin by Torgas U-U

dumb edits by me Check out my old garbage

Guide to Troubled Warhammer Part 1

Guide to Troubled Warhammer Part 2

Guide to Troubled Warhammer Part 3

Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 1

Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 2

Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 3

Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 4

Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 5 Guide to Troubled Primarchs Part 6

[relax-and-read-on]

Headcanons of the primarch having a bio baby, and what kind of parent they would be.

Lion: God, he's terrible at it. Every single step of the way is a struggle. Newborn? Infant? Toddler? Child? Teen? Nothing is easy. It goes double if its a girl. Somehow, when their kid is adult tho, they are able to make amends and treat them like an equal. Still, was the most awkward, emotionally unavailable parent EVER.

-+-+-

Fulgrim: Listen. They love their child, very much, and are raising said child with Ferrus. But GOD do they have screaming argument with them once a week when they turn into a teen. Probably has weekly meltdown on Ferrus on how they are "the worst parent EVER!!!". Spoil the fuck outta them in counterpart.

Perturabo: To everyone surprise, he step up. Incredibly. No child is more loved and cherished every single step of the way. Would literally hold them virtually non stop until they were like, 1. Overprotective to the max. That child will have all the chance in life. They grew up very close to their dad.

Jaghatai Khan: a competent father, but probably become more comfortable when his kid hit puberty. He just *understand* the mind of teens, and they form a very healthy and communicative relationship.

Leman Russ: first, I can only see him have a daughter for some reasons lol. Second... He love them as a baby and toddler up to small child, but the older she get, the more strained their relationship become. She will forever be his lil baby girl, and he refuse to see her as a warrior woman. They get into a lot or argument as adults.

Rogal Dorn: Listen. He try, alright? He follow the baby raising guide perfectly. Held them the perfectly required amount of time. And yet nothing work. He has no idea how to show his affections, and it affect the kid deeply. Probably become estranged, if not a full rebel.

Konrad Curze: NO. Bad idea. Terrible. Who put a babys in his hands?!?! Disappear for two weeks after first getting it. Sevatar is carring for it and going crazy. Then Konrad come back, and force himself to be a semi-decent dad. Its... Mixed result. The kid is DEFINITELY happy, but they are a lil psycho who grew up on Night Lord ship stabbing people. Surprisingly loved by the legion.

Sanguinius: having the kid with Horus, and that kid is perfect. 11/10. Most loved. Except that they have major anxiety disorder from all those expectations and probably has a mental breakdown at like, 15. Sanguinius fully blame himself for that.

Ferrus Manus: raising a kid with Fulgrim. He's the level head in the house, somehow. Both Fulgrim AND the child just infodump all their worries on him. He's definitely the fun parent of the couple. Has a tendancy to push their kid too hard into perfectionism tho.

-+-+-

Angron: God, he did NOT want a kid. Who did this. Why is he having to do this. He would try so, so hard to be better for them, but it's hard. The child would probably be collectively raised by the legion and mostly Kharn. Understand that their dad is not well, and forgive them for it. It's still Angron great pain that he can't be better.

Roboute Guilliman: I can only see him with a son. And its a WILD AF child. Always getting into trouble and trying dangerous stuff. Strangely enough, they have a wonderful relationship with Rob. He's just happy that his kid get to be themself, and if its a punky rogue trader, so be it.

Mortarion: loved, and I mean LOVED the newborn/infant phase. The kind of parent that speak to their child like they are an adult at all time, gently explaining all of life. Probably get a very bright kid, and gently push them away, because he wants better for them than what he has.

Magnus: Straight up terrible at it, lmao. He try, ok? He really does. But the emotional neglect is intense, and it take him YEARS to be actually interested in the child as a person, by then, its too late, and they probably moved on with their life.

Horus Lupercal: raising a child with Sanguinius. He's the kind that think everything is alright, average dad, until the melt down at 15, quickly follow up by Sanguinius. Really step up after and support his whole family. Really loving.

Lorgal Aurelian: made a promess to himself that he would never, ever hit his child. And he!!! Respected it!!! Breaking the cycle, yay!!! He still indoctrinated them, and was incredibly disappointed when they started to rebel. Still, once adult, the child realised the GIANT sacrifice and effort Lorgar had done in raising them, and they were both able to heal :')

Vulkan: Adore his kid. Really, he does. But he's always so busy, and it kills him. He see how much his child miss him and he think about them constantly and desperately wish he could be better. He try really hard, but he never ask for help, the dumbass.

Corvus Corax: (who is a trans woman I remind you) Actually very chill. The kind of cool aunt that gets all the nephew and niece to come live with her for a while during their rebel phase. She is very open with her child and that kid is fiercely independent.

Alpharius/Omegon: that child lived for years in the mess that was the Alpha legion... And probably said fuck it at like, 12 lmao. Went to live with Roboute and just dream to be an accountant. Refuse to talk to their dad(s).

[cxffexngel]

[ @aaetherius​ ] ||

"Sandalphon." He's lost track of the time, but he knows it's well past any reasonable hour of the morning when the the first coral-stained clouds are just beginning to flicker into the hazy purple sky he can just barely see pouring in from the window. And he's exhausted because he hasn't slept in days, but he could listen to the archangel ramble about the cafe and the various customers he has to deal with for a week straight if given the chance. But he also wanted Sandalphon to relax. To breathe. Wanted to kiss him silly and clumsy as the first tendrils of dawn began to paint the floorboards scarlet and amber. To share soft breaths until the other's grumbled words morphed into blissful laughter. So he rose from the bed, hands reaching out to gently take Sandalphon's within his own and pulls him up from the mattress. Smile upon rosy lips as he asks, "Will you dance with me?" It matters not that the room is silent aside from the melody of their voices. 

         Rants and ludicrous comments came an went with how Sandalphon naturally set his words for Lucifer to listen, from trivial nonsensical tales skydwellers try to chat with the archangel to other more weird things overheard miserably into the ears of the archangel that could only do as much as to serve the drinks asked and paid for before following up next orders. And even if there were still things yet to understand, even for the former supreme primarch who seemed to always seem content no matter how mixed tangents tangled the more Sandalphon rambled on, comfort seeps as he laid bare those little troubles that hurt no one - stories that even made both of them chuckle and try to converse the why and hows of such things that almost always happened when anyone took under their belt the chaotic life of customer service. ( And Siero had commented, long before when she was coaching him, that this kind of job really could go far more beyond the simple thing that is learning what to do while serving. Just what had this woman even experienced?)

         Sandalphon lips quivered in a raspy laugh that rumbled after commenting something about that one artist harvin that always asked too many questions, some probably almost too close to what the defeated fallen angel no one should ever mention close to youngsters would dare to say which promptly was met with the archangel weaponizing a rolled up newspaper right into that head of hers. Winning a loud fit of complains, then a sulk that did not have any effect on him, and then scurrying off to more of her shenanigans while Sandalphon continued his shift at the Grandcypher's cafe. There was never a peaceful day, or at least - in the definition of peaceful for the archangel where he only served and didn't have to deal with too much nonsense or the pranks of the captains. Comments that come and go, some friendly fallen angels that pass by and their very mocking glances are enough to boils red hot blood as he stubbornly keeps the calmest mask firmly in his face before any chaos would descend foolishly. So when Lucifer says his name, words die down, the wry smile dissipates into a thin line as curiosity washes over the visage of the rather tired archangel. They should have called it a day and sleep together, a thing that has helped both to drift faster into the lulled trance of the dreams as their bodies healed - even if Sandalphon needed those less than Lucifer's weakened state, hard to deny such opportunity when the other would so willingly always offer a seat beside his large frame and naturally both fall so perfectly next to the other in an embrace worth beyond praise the heaven of clouds could ever offer in the skies. He does no voice the question, but it hangs on scarlet eyes as they gaze up when the other rises from their perch, the bed creaking at the weight shift and almost winning a sulk that Sandalphon perfectly swallows down in turn of deciphering just what would the other offer for him.

         Request laid there, no further context nor any sense to whys and becauses - Sandalphon learned that when it came about love, nothing was logical - Lucifer sometimes had these request that seemed from nowhere as rainbows that appear when no rain had ever poured in weeks. He does not question it, relishing into the hold ever so tender with the same fondness his core always bleed with when Lucifer did as far as to just exhale content when the breeze graced him just right, palms touching with the faintest of doubts as Sandalphon lets his body to be guided along with the other's help, the other gloved hand falls on where belts and fabric hid hips, never breaking his gaze from the other. " I'm afraid that I don't know how to dance, as far as I can remember. Been in some festivals but never participated beyond spectating, so... I'm in your care. Lucifer. " All which is true, clumsy at best even if heels always joined dirt and wood perfectly against the most gruesome battles, Sandalphon maybe knew here and there the basics but hardly relented for joining such things - deemed useless at some point, and then just outright not a thing to try that often, at least not when so many eyes were on him — partly why right now, besides Lucifer, had accepted the offer. Anything that also went in hand to be close to the other was always an option he'd choose without thinking twice.

[ask-the-crimson-king]

How the hell Sanguinius had managed to get to the Planet of the Sorcerers was unkown. But the panicked Primarch had come seeking guidance. He'd discovered he had....powers??? Yeah, powers! And now he had a habit of losing control over them. "Magnus??? Please help...Somethings wrong with me." (sanguiniusreborn panicked newly psycic bby)

@sanguiniusreborn

Magnus found himself surprised and a little confused as Sanguinius approached him. Surprised over the fact that he was actually on Sortiarius, somehow, and confused as he asked him for help. Wouldn’t he stick within the Imperium and seek help that way? They were, technically, enemies, after all. 

Then again, he hadn’t really been around for the ten or so millennia since his death, so he supposed he couldn’t hold it against him. Something something, old habits. But currently the presence of the Angel was attracting the attention of everyone within the Obsidian Tower, and he doubted that such attention would be very beneficial for his brother right now. Not when he seemed to be quite anxious. 

“Alright, alright, calm down,” Magnus told him, walking down a spiraling flight of crystalline stairs. He could see the shock and confusion and concern within his brother’s aura, which had also become quite bright ever since his reawakening. “Here, come with me, let’s find somewhere a bit more quiet.” He put one of his own wings around Sanguinius, partially shielding him from the view of the other inhabitants, and he guided him towards a door that materialized from the wall. He opened it and let his brother in first, glancing over his shoulder before he followed him inside. The room itself was situated like a normal, mundane study. It had a desk, books in neat bookselves, a table, and a few chairs. In one corner was, seemingly, a small nest of pillows and blankets.

“Now, try to tell me what’s happening as calmly as possible. What is troubling you?” Magnus asked.

[pureirishnonsense]

Continuing my “Guide to Troubled Primarchs”.

[pureirishnonsense]

Erebus is... certainly a character.

[pureirishnonsense]

Credit to Syberfab for the art.

[pureirishnonsense]

[pureirishnonsense]

I felt this was very, very much in Dorn’s style.

[pureirishnonsense]

Abbadon may not be a  Primarch, but let’s let him have some fun.

[pureirishnonsense]

Someone want to pass dear old Mortarion a chap stick? His lips look awfully chapped there.

[pureirishnonsense]

Another Non-Primarch, but I felt Sevatar needed love too.

[pureirishnonsense]

And Corax is a happy man.