#A Million Bucks

[fili-oeuvre]

do you think that people would worship a parasitic plant that somehow evolved to have sentience and can mind control any creature (primarily deer) that consumes it in a sort of hive mind state of existence and can somehow mutate a deer's vocal cords enough that it can speak through the deer either one at a time or all in unison?

[iinryer]

“i’m holding my breath for you”

lyrics from swimming pool by the front bottoms

[firehose118]

{ao3}

Tommy wasn’t lying to Hen and Karen when he said they were taking things at Evan’s pace. It’s just that Evan’s preferred pace is far from slow.

It’s like that kiss in the hospital lobby knocked any remaining nerves about Evan’s newfound bisexuality clean out of him. They’d kissed a few times in between their first and that one, but they’d all been quick, chaste things at the ends of dates; closed-mouthed and respectful. Tommy was trying not to push Evan into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. But once Evan threw open those hospital doors, the floodgates on their sex life opened as well.

Evan was all over him every chance he got—lips trailing, tongue tasting, fingers grabbing. He’d given Tommy a blowjob so good it was hard to believe that it was not only his first, but not even something he’d known he wanted a few weeks ago.

Evan was a natural. He was hungry for anything Tommy would give him; no hesitation. He’ll try anything if he thinks it might feel good.

Tommy knows Evan is experienced; far from a blushing virgin, even if he’d never gone to bed with another man before. They’d talked a lot over the last few weeks. Evan had told Tommy about ‘Buck 1.0’ and about some of his more adventurous girlfriends.

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise, really.

Within a week of the wedding, Evan is begging Tommy to fuck him. No exaggeration: begging. Mewls and whines of please Tommy please I wanna feel you I want you inside of me please I know you’ll make it so good in between wet kisses while Tommy covers Evan's body with his own.

And Tommy is only human. He’s trying to go slow, trying to be respectful because he really likes Evan, okay? Not just his body: he likes Evan. But when Evan digs his hands into Tommy's back and pouts his plush pink lips and lets his blue eyes go wide and earnest, Tommy has no choice but to give in to what they clearly both want.

And god, does he want. He wants Evan with a ferocity he hasn’t felt since he first came out, when everything was new and liberating and even the smallest touch was so goddamn good. He wants Evan so bad he can feel it in his teeth.

Jesus, okay. Fine. If Evan doesn’t think it’s too much too soon—if he’s writhing naked under Tommy’s body; spreading his legs wide and pleading for Tommy to give it to him—well, Evan is a grown man. Tommy is gonna take him at his word that he’s ready for this.

Still, he wants to be respectful. He’ll fuck him, but he’s going to be gentle about it. This is Evan’s first time. He wants to make sure Evan knows that Tommy wants him for more than a quick fuck. He wants Evan to feel good. He wants Evan to come back for seconds.

“Yeah, I’ll fuck you,” Tommy says.

Evan moans in delight and surges up for a kiss. Tommy indulges him for a moment, lets Evan kiss him tongue-first and filthy, won’t deny that it gets him so hot he starts to sweat a little, but then he pulls back.

“Settle down, sweet boy,” Tommy hears himself say. “We need to talk a little first.”

He’s never called anyone that before, but it felt so right that he can’t even be embarrassed. Especially when it makes Evan moan and wrap his legs around Tommy’s body to pull their hips flush together.

Their dicks press against each other and Evan starts leaking enough that Tommy thinks maybe Evan would want to just do this; slow down and grind together until they both come. It’s been one of Tommy’s favorite things since he first discovered it a decade ago, the first time he let a man into his bed instead of getting fucked in a bar bathroom or someone’s car.

“Okay,” Evan says into his mouth. “Let’s talk. Whatever you need.”

No, Tommy thinks, whatever you need. This is so you’re comfortable. This is so you’re prepared for what’s about to happen, because it’s very different on the receiving end, and this hole doesn’t work like the one you’re used to.

But what he says is, “Have you ever done anal before?”

Evan smiles, slow and dirty. “Oh yeah. I’ve had a few girlfriends who were into it.”

“Oh,” Tommy says, relieved. He’s not a total novice. He’ll know there needs to be lube involved, lots of stretching. “That’s good. You have some experience at least.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, that was never part of my problem coming to terms with liking guys,” Evan says like he’s the one reassuring Tommy. And then, “The first time a girl brought out a strap-on I wasn’t sure, but I’m so glad I tried it. Maybe that should’ve been a hint that I like guys too? But plenty of straight men like getting fucked by women so maybe it’s unrelated.”

Evan is babbling a little, so Tommy starts licking along his jaw to distract him while he processes what the fuck Evan just said.

Because that is not what Tommy meant when he asked if Evan had done anal before. He’d thought maybe one of Evan’s more adventurous girlfriends had asked him to fuck her ass. Maybe a hookup who knew Evan would be gentle about it. He’d never even considered the possibility that Evan had ever had anything more than a stray finger up his own ass. In Tommy’s experience, most straight guys hadn’t.

Evan has been fucked before. This isn’t new to him. He’d never kissed a guy before Tommy, never been on a date with one, but he’s been fucked. More than once, from the sound of it.

And oh god, that makes Evan's behavior make so much more sense. He's not overeager; diving head-first into something he's never done before. He's experienced. He knows exactly what he's asking for because he's had it before.

Tommy is never underestimating Evan again. He's done making assumptions. Evan is a wonder.

It hits Tommy just how different their journeys with sexuality have been. Tommy would never have been brave enough to ask a woman to fuck him; never would have been secure enough in himself to say yes if she'd offered it. He would have been terrified of what it meant if he'd liked it. He would have known, deep down, exactly why he would have.

But Evan is so open, so willing to try anything he thinks might feel good, no matter what it means about himself. He doesn't deny himself pleasure if no one is getting hurt. It took Tommy so, so long to get anywhere close to that same point. Evan comes by it naturally.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise, really. But it is.

“You liked it?” Tommy asks, just to be absolutely clear.

“Tommy,” Evan says emphatically. “I love getting fucked.”

“God, you’re a fucking dream,” Tommy says, biting a mark into Evan’s neck.

“Are we good?” Evan squirms. “Are we done talking? Can I have your dick now?”

Tommy laughs a little into Evan’s skin. “Yeah, baby, we’re good. You can have anything you want.”

And Tommy finds that he really, really means it.

Within minutes, he’s got Evan gasping and moaning and fucking back onto his fingers like a pro. Because he is. Because he’s done this before and he fucking loves it. He knows what he likes and what he needs. He tells Tommy where to crook his fingers and when he’s ready for another one.

Tommy isn’t going to be able to give this up easily; won’t be able to give Evan up easily. The way Evan’s voice breaks when Tommy brushes his prostate sinks into Tommy’s bones.

The way Evan sighs and smiles, jesus, when Tommy gets his dick inside of him is almost more than Tommy can handle. He has to take a second to pull himself back from the edge just from looking at Evan’s glassy-eyed expression, nevermind the perfect feeling of his hole squeezing around Tommy’s dick like it was made for him.

Tommy groans and buries his face in Evan’s neck. He wasn’t prepared for this tonight. He’s spent weeks telling himself to manage his expectations; that this was all new to Evan so even when they got here—if they got here—it would be slow-going. Maybe he wouldn’t even make it all the way inside the first time, and that would be fine. He’d go as slow as Evan needed him to.

What he wasn’t prepared for was Evan shifting his hips up, adjusting the angle and fucking himself on Tommy’s dick when Tommy didn’t start thrusting quickly enough for his liking. He wasn’t prepared for the full-body shudder that runs through Evan when he manages to find his own prostate with Tommy’s dick.

“Tommy,” Evan moans. His skin is flushed and his lips are kiss-swollen and Tommy wants to devour him. He can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have his name in this beautiful man’s mouth. “You can move, please- please fuck me. Feels so good already.”

Tommy’s barely hanging on, barely keeping up, but he shakes himself off and switches gears. Evan wants to get fucked? Tommy can do that. Tommy will give him anything. As hot as it is to have Evan wriggling against him like he’s a very heavy dildo (and isn’t that something to play with later?), Tommy wants to show Evan a good time.

Tommy pulls his face out of Evan’s neck and sits back on his knees. He’d been planning on staying close to Evan to monitor for any signs of discomfort, to kiss his neck and chest and lips so that Evan felt precious and loved. But that’s not what Evan’s body is asking of him right now.

Hands spread wide from Evan’s hips back to his ass to really get a grip on him, Tommy starts thrusting hard and fast. Evan is smiling again, moaning little fucked out ah ah ahs that threaten to send Tommy into a tailspin. Fuck, this is not what he thought their first time would be like, but it’s so fucking hot.

But even now, even after every revelation he’s had tonight, Evan continues to surprise him.

“Wanna ride you,” Evan says, pushing on Tommy’s hips with his legs until Tommy pulls out and flips them.

Evan settles himself on Tommy’s hips and takes Tommy’s dick in his hand. He sinks back down onto it and fuck, he’s smiling again; eyes closed, lips parted, looking content beyond belief.

He starts really moving on top of Tommy. Evan’s thighs are strong and powerful as he lifts himself up and drops himself down. His whole body is strong; thick muscle fueled by a soft layer of fat that Tommy can’t help but dig his fingers into. This man is huge. He’s dedicated. His hands come down to rest over Tommy’s as if to encourage him to dig in deeper; to leave hand-shaped bruises on his hips. Tommy squeezes and Evan moans.

God, and the noises he makes; deep groans and long, lingering moans that echo through the loft. Tommy manages to get a few whines out of him with some well-placed thrusts. Evan is so open with everything else; it tracks that he’d make it known just how much he’s enjoying himself.

It’s so good. It’s all so good. Evan looks incredible and he knows what he’s doing. He wasn’t lying when he said he loved getting fucked: he looked blissed-out and determined. He looks like once isn’t going to be enough for him tonight, and he looks like he knows exactly what it feels like to get fucked twice in one night. Maybe more.

It’s heady. This is far from Evan's first time, but the thought that Tommy is the first to get a real dick into him is beyond intoxicating. Suddenly he’s close: very close. But he needs to watch Evan fall apart first.

He wraps his hand around Evan’s dick where it’s been bouncing against his stomach—untouched, weeping, dripping between them. Evan moans and his hips stutter, trying to find a new rhythm that allows him to fuck back onto Tommy’s dick and forward into his hand at the same time.

“Gonna come for me, sweet boy?” Tommy asks, voice low and encouraging. “Gonna show me how pretty you look coming on my cock?”

That’s all it takes. Evan throws his head back, his hips locking down as he squeezes around Tommy’s dick and comes hot and wet into his hand. For as vocal as Evan has been this whole time, he's completely silent when he comes: for a few seconds, he doesn't even breathe.

Evan looks perfect as he shudders through it. Perfect. He looks like he was made for this. His mouth is open as he gasps for breath and his muscles are flexing under his skin as he circles his hips a last few times. He’s just about glowing with exertion.

Tommy doesn’t know how he got this lucky, but he’s going to hold onto Evan with both hands for as long as he’ll let him.

It’s not a choice for Tommy to follow. He’s been on the edge since he first got inside of Evan, and the feeling of that perfect hole tightening around him has him groaning and coming harder than he has in decades.

He’s still seeing stars when Evan collapses on top of him. Tommy’s arms come up to hold him close; petting across his skin and accidentally smearing Evan’s own cum across his back.

“Fuck,” Tommy says.

It’s Evan’s turn to hide his face in Tommy’s neck. “Was that okay?” He asks, still panting. His breath is hot on Tommy’s neck.

Tommy wants to laugh. He wants to cry. Was that okay? God, the kid has no idea. No idea how good he is. No idea how earth-shatteringly hot that was. Tommy will have to work on that self-confidence. He’s gonna show Evan exactly how incredible he is. He’s gonna make him believe it.

“That was amazing,” Tommy says. “That was… fuck, it’s been years since I’ve had anything that good.”

Tommy can feel Evan’s smile where his mouth is pressed into Tommy’s neck. “Yeah?” He asks, almost shyly.

He fucked himself beautifully on Tommy’s dick and now he’s shy asking if it was up to Tommy’s standards?

“You were so good, sweet boy,” Tommy purrs.

Evan groans into Tommy’s neck and shifts his hips like he’s gearing up for round two already.

“I really like that,” Evan says.

“Which part?” Tommy asks.

“Both. All of it, fuck,” Evan mouths aimlessly at Tommy's neck. "You. I really like you."

He's slowly humping Tommy’s body, his dick twitching against Tommy’s own, but Tommy isn’t nearly young enough to be ready again yet. Neither is Evan, honestly, which makes this that much more interesting. He’s chasing pleasure that he knows isn’t going to get him anywhere, just to feel it.

If this was their first time—if this is Evan when he’s still a little shy, still in the dark about just how much Tommy wants him—Tommy knows he’s gonna have a hell of a time keeping up with him once they really get going.

Tommy is giddy at the prospect. He can’t fucking wait.

{ao3}

[lazybakerart]

tommy keeps saving cats on their dates (and buck keeps swooning every time 😍)

[shootingstarrfish]

some little guys!!!!! yipee!!!!!

[stagefoureddiediaz]

We’ve been looking at this all wrong the entire time...

So my brain is a weird place that I don’t fully understand, but sometimes it connects dots and I figure something out that has been staring us in the face the entire time! Lets just say it explains so many things - right down to the very pointed use of tommy calling Buck Evan!

This all stemmed from me looking at colour theory and costuming for Buck and Eddie (and by extension Tommy) season 7 again, because I was going to try write the buddie costume metas for episodes 9 and 10 that I never managed to get done before we started season 8 I will hopefully get to those posts, but this post - while technically about Tommy and his costumes (yes me ant Tommy person writing a post on him I know!) it does also look at the costuming for Buck and to a lesser extent Eddie more widely across the season and what the colours used actually mean - getting some distance and some time on the season has been a blessing!

Im not going to go into it in detail, but, broadly speaking the show has given each character a signature colour - this doesn’t mean they wear it all of the time - but they do wear it a lot of the time and especially in key scenes - characters can have more than one key/ signature colour, and it can change and develop over time. We can ignore season 1 because it was a pilot season and very often shows won’t choose to establish a signature colour for a character (911 s1 is all over the place from a costuming perspective - because they had several designers working across the 10 episodes but since s2 we’ve had much more continuity with Alayna Bell-Price at the helm for most of it). So for example Athena’s signature colour is mostly black with white and khaki green also in the mix. She’s moved away from that subsequently - wearing less black and more white/creams but both colours are still staples of her wardrobe.

Eddie we all know mirrors Athena from a costuming perspective - his signature colours are also black and khaki green with some white/cream as well. The khaki green was much more dominant than the black to begin with - which played into his military past -  that had evened out on the black and khaki front whilst the cream had stayed fairly steady, but now we’re also starting to see a little bit more of it as well as some darker blues. this mirrors Athenas own journey t healing - the more she heals the less Khaki we see and the more white/cream - Eddie is starting to follow the same path from a costume perspective. 

Bucks signature colour has always been blue, but he also wears a fair amount of yellow and grey, so those are his three colours. He obviously wears a lot of other colours, especially white, but white has its own specific use in Bucks costumes that sits separately from his signature colours. 

We all know about yellow/ blue and green blue colour theory - I’ve gone on about it enough (especially yellow blue colour theory and its queer coding) and others such as @lover-of-mine have as well. Well both yellow/blue and green/blue continued to play out in season 7, I’m not going to go into them in too much detail - there are posts on my pinned post that cover that much better and I want to get to the good stuff (and I know you all do too!) 

We do need to remember that Buck and Eddie very very rarely wear blue and green in scenes together - if Eddie is in green Buck won’t be in blue, and vice versa - this is because of the ties to blue/green being Buck and Eddies break up colours - the colours they wear opposite their respective girlfriends when the relationships are ending. This is a little less set for Eddie - who actually wears white/cream much more when he’s ending relationships than blue or green - but the one time he has actively done the breaking up he was in green.

As I was starting to do a bit of work on the 7x9 and 7x10 metas, I ended up going back and looking over the Buck and Eddie costumes for the season as a whole, and how Tommy fit into all of that as well - as we’ve all been billing him as Eddie lite.

While I do still think there is an element of Tommy being Eddie lite, I don’t actually think that is what the show has been doing -that concept is a bit of a red herring. I’m sorry that this is likely to get a bit convoluted and wordy - but my brain is  still reeling and incoherent so bear with me - I hope it all makes sense.

Right this post is super long so the rest is going below the cut! I hope you enjoy!

Because I was looking for Eddie and Tommy parallels in the costuming for the season, I had been looking at the choice to put Eddie in red/black for his dinner date with Kim and Buck being in green for the scene at Bucks loft, and the fact that back in 7x04 Tommy had been dressed in the same colours - a red henley which was shot with black giving it a red/black colour way. I naturally started looking at the other Eddie - Tommy costume parallels - and there are plenty - lots of the khaki green we see Eddie in - playing into Tommys own military background.

These are Tommy’s scenes - where he wasn’t in uniform of some description (which is a good chunk of his scenes to be fair) 

7x04 

at the hangar - white tee, greenish stone coloured shirt and a tan jacket with stonewash jeans

at the court - light grey marl cut off hoodie and bright blue shorts

at Bucks loft - red/black short sleeve henley and stone wash jeans

7x05

at the restaurant -dark khaki green shirt (I would also like to point out the blue green colour theory here with the addition of tommy having a blue phone case - which is relevant later I promise!)

coffee meet up - light grey henley and navy blue hoodie with mid wash jeans

7x06

karaoke club - navy blue short sleeved henley

7x10

light grey marl tee and greenish denim shirt 

So what you can see from this is that besides the use of henley’s, the only time we get actually get direct reference to Eddies costuming is through the use of khaki green and his first outfit at the hangar. There is of course the direct parallel of the red/black colour way I spoke of before, but, beyond that if you look you’ll see that Tommys outfits actually parallel Bucks far far more. I would even argue the Henley’s are more similar to Buck than Eddie - because they are short sleeved and Eddies are invariably long sleeved.

Bucks colours are blue and grey - and so are Tommy’s - particularly in scenes that are 1-1 with Buck. What I’m trying to get at and will explain is that this has never ever been about Tommy being Eddie lite - this is all about Tommy being Buck - Buck’s subconscious if you will. (I know you all this I’m completely mad at this point - but stick with me!) I have a lot to say about all of this which will explain the why of it all and how we ended up here so we’re going to go through it Tommy costume by Tommy costume!

Lets start with the hangar scene - the most Eddie like Tommy looks throughout the entire season. this is very much intentional - this is about the red herring of it all, but it is also about Eddie (I’m not discrediting anything we’ve talked about regarding Tommy being Eddie lite etc - it is all relevant - but that’s what makes it such a good red herring!) and about Buck being an unreliable narrator. This is in part why we also still see Buck in his too short trousers and his white sneakers. This is his journey (the sneakers), but he’s still trapped in his old self at this moment in time - but aware that he doesn’t fit his skin anymore (as an aside I will be writing a post about Bucks trousers and their changing fit throughout the seasons at some point soon!)

Script wise the key lines are plentiful - the entire scene is full of double meaning. We get Buck stating that he is ‘happy where he’s at’ and Tommy’s response of ‘you’re thinking of changing things up’. viewed through the idea that Tommy is a version of Buck, this then plays out as an internal conflict - a battle about wanting what you already have - being happy with what you have, but also wanting to change things.

Eddie saying ‘you aren’t thinking of leaving us are you’ and Bucks response ‘I’m keeping my options fluid.’ Eddie needing reassurance that what they have isn’t going to change, while Bucks reply is about him not really being sure of himself - of who he is - keeping his options open because he’s figuring out if he wants to change - the line is said to and directed at Eddie so its about Buck keeping his options open about possibly changing their dynamic - becoming something more, even in the face of Eddie not wanting things to be different.  Tommy stating in this scene that Buck doesn’t need to leave the 118 to get certified to fly - that its something he could do for fun on his days off - becomes even more loaded through the internal monologue lens - Buck considering how he can stay at the 118 and have the joy, fun and benefits of ‘flying’ when he isn’t at work - that he could fly with Eddie (Eddie going flying with Tommy to do something fun and date like is a very literal visual metaphor for Bucks internal monologue - showing him what it could be like if he changed things up). There not being three tickets - only two is also important - its again a metaphor this time about how if Buck and Eddies relationship changes - it would only change for the two of them - it would become a relationship that doesn’t have room for another in it. When I say that’s about Chris not being involved it sounds really harsh, but the reality is Chris cannot be a a part of Buddie - he cannot be a part of something romantic. it isn’t saying Chris isn’t important or central to Buck and Eddie - simply that he cannot be a factor in a romantic relationship - that has to be just between Buck and Eddie alone - its kind of about Eddie (and also to a certain extent the same is true for Buck) not being able to hide behind Chris anymore when it comes to Buck.

Fundamentally its all tied back to his death in season 6 (we even get the being struck by lightening reference from Buck just to bring that aspect home) and subsequent resurrection and rebirth  (post linked on my pinned post if anyone wants to read it!). we have to keep at the front of our minds that Buck has died and that is still playing on his mind - its still influencing who he is and who he is becoming and it was all throughout season 7 - even if it wasn’t obvious or stated.

The basketball costume is actually the one that has always stood out for me - Its the most Buck outfit of all Tommys outfits. The bright blue shorts especially. 

So in that scene, which we know is supposed to read as being from Bucks view point, not only are we getting golden haloed super happy bouncy Eddie - Eddie the way Buck sees him -  but Buck is also projecting and seeing Tommy in the place he (Buck) has always existed in. It’s a visual representation of what Buck talked about with Maddie and Tommy replacing him in Eddies life.  Its unreliable narrator buck in visuals he’s seeing Eddie replacing him with Tommy - occupying the same places Buck has and more - from the calendar to the basketball court.

But that’s actually wonderful, because not only does it give us information on how Buck views himself (as expendable/replaceable) and how he thinks others view him - because if he thinks he’s similar to Tommy (which for a purely visual stand point he is - Lou looks more like Oliver than Ryan) but it also gives us information about the reality of how much Buck is actually intwined in Eddies (and Christophers) life - its telling us that Buck is in fact on Eddies calendar (and therefore fridge - fridge magnet theory for the win!) and how much space and conversation he occupies in the Diaz’s everyday life.

So he isn’t actually seeing Eddie in Tommy at all - he’s actually seeing the version of himself he doesn’t think he is but wants to be in Tommy. The version of himself that takes Eddie to vegas etc - that’s the Buck that Buck wants to be - the one openly flirting with Eddie and taking him on dates etc. That’s why the vegas fight is so seemingly ott (especially when you think about the fact Tommy and Eddie have known each other a week or so at most by this point) its the grand gesture Buck wishes he could be making.

All of this also makes Bucks ‘attack on Eddie’ more telling (it’s still the boy pulling the girl he likes pig tails in the playground concept) because Eddie is being receptive to all of these advances by Tommy - adding further weight to the Buck being jealous of and threatened by Tommy. 

Tommy is this version of Buck swooping in and doing all this stuff that Buck wants to be doing (subconsciously still at this point - willful ignorance be winning) but either didn’t know how to or didn’t know Eddie if would be receptive to. Remembering that this is all Bucks viewpoint of things its essentially Bucks brain showing him what dating Eddie would be like and Buck being Buck misunderstands what his brain is telling him (forever misunderstanding the assignment).

There is a second aspect to this and it ties into Tim’s comments about the hamster wheel Buck has a been stuck on and it being time he got off it - the hamster wheel is actually multifaceted and has more than one meaning. The most important is that the hamster wheel hasn’t ever been about his relationships or about the women he’s dating (or men now). The hamster wheel he’s stuck on is actually the fact that he’s built this strong relationship and family with Eddie and Chris - (you don’t find it son you make it) and its something safe and stable and predictable in his life. Getting off that hamster wheel is about being brave and moving that relationship - that family dynamic onto the next level - removing the platonic aspect of their family and making it a fully formed family for real - romantic love and all - so the ‘platonic’ family is the hamster wheel he actually needs to get off of. 

The other aspect of Tommy actually being Buck and the hamster wheel of it all is that hamster wheels are solitary pursuits - the implication is that Buck is the one standing in his own way - and coming back to the basketball game we see that played out in the moment where Buck tries to literally run through Tommy - only you can’t act out at yourself, and Tommy is a literal solid unmoving barrier and Buck won’t get past himself by just trying to bulldoze his way through.

This all then plays into the final Buck and Tommy scene of the episode - in bucks loft. I already spoke above about the red/black of it all, but now with the added concept of Tommy being A version of Buck things start to become more interesting. The red/black of it all is a warning (and the poker date red/black velvet suit and eddies red and black suit from s6 actually play into this as well!) - its dark romance - ‘forbidden’ dangerous romance or love. So for Eddie and his date with Kim that meaning is very self explanatory. The two season 6 suits are also fairly self explanatory - for Eddie again its the dangers of looking for romance that isn’t on your own terms and for Buck at the poker game its about the danger of falling in love with the person you are when you aren’t being truly yourself. Tommy being a version of Buck and this concept is a little more murky - essentially is about a similar thing to his poker suit - with a twist - its about the danger of seeing more value and loving a version of yourself that ‘used to exist’ as well as a version of yourself that you think will make you more attractive to others.

We do also need to Talk about Bucks costume here as well - the fact that it fits him almost perfectly - he’s in well fitted if slightly loose jeans and a navy shirt that isn’t tight with buttons not clinging on for dear life (to the same extent). The colouring is still on the dark side - so its not entirely positive - much in the same way that other scenes with buck in a dark navy shirt are moments where things go a bit askew for Buck (think the  taylor ‘I kinda love you for it’ scene from s5 as an example). The implication is that - before Tommy comes along Buck is at his most content with who he is - he’s fitting into his skin better than he has in a long while but it’s not perfect. This is key, firstly because of how the scene unfolds and secondly, because of how he is then costumed from here on out for the rest of the season.

I do also want to mention the yellow blue colour coding in this scene and that is mostly done through the lighting - Buck is in blue and the light behind him is always yellow - he is surrounded by yellow light. In contrast - Tommy is barely touched by the yellow light - not until Buck starts to figure things out - then we get him briefly touched by the yellow light - the rest of the time he is lit very cooly - which is in contrast to the warmth of the loft - and further plays into the idea of Tommy being a stand in for Evan - Evan who isn't loved and accepted in the same way Buck is - Evan who Buck needs to learn to love.

If we look at the script for this scene, it also fits in perfectly with the idea of Bucks internal monologue.  Tommy and Eddie being ‘buddie’s’ making perfect sense is a literal aside to the audience telling them that Buddie makes perfect sense - but it is more than that. This is where I have to bring up the ‘Evan’ of it all. I know a lot of us shudder with horror because of the fact Tommy only ever calls Buck ‘Evan’ and how both jarring and rude it is. How it shows how little Tommy knows Buck. We’ve always known it was being done intentionally. Well, if we view the use of Evan through the lens of Tommy being a version of Buck and things become clearer.  Because Tommy is basically the old version of Buck - the Buck who existed before he knew Eddie - before he joined the 118. And this is where the choice to bring back Tommy specifically for this role becomes a really smart one - because ‘Evan call me Buck Buckley’ was Tommys replacement at the 118. Tommy who has a problematic past that has never been dealt with on screen. This isn’t about the nature of the problematic past. This is the show playing on the idea of Buck’s software upgrades - before Buck 1.0 there was Evan, and using who Buck replaced at the 118 as a plot device to actually dig into Evan more so that Buck can deal with, accept and move on from Evan and become who Buck is meant to be.

Tommy saying he couldn’t replace Buck furthers this - because Buck cannot go back to being Evan - Evan can never replace Buck. invoking Christopher adds weight to this - because Chris never knew Evan - he’s only ever known Buck and Buck is ‘his Buck’ and irreplaceable. Tommy then stating his jealousy is about Evan feeling the lack of family that he grew up with - the recognition that as Buck he has made a family for himself - Bucks assertion that Tommy (Evan) was a part of it is valid - because without Evan Buck couldn’t build the family he has. The entirety of this conversation is about Buck choosing to ‘get to know’ his past (remember this is coming of the back of Buck crossing out the ‘LEY’ on his nameplate in s6 and his struggles with his parents acceptance in that season before the lightening strike), choosing to learn about Evan and embrace him as a part of Buck.  

Bucks assertion that he was ‘trying to get [Tommys] attention and it being exhausting’ is part of that as is the confusion Tommy expresses. The choice for Buck to use the word ‘exhausting’ - it’s Bucks subconscious trying to get his own attention - its his subconscious telling Buck that he’s exhausting himself by not listening to what his inner voice is saying. It’s of course a play on Buck being called exhausting by other people (and is perhaps why he doesn’t have the confidence to listen to that inner voice) and that also plays into the Evan of it all and how Buck views himself. Tommys confusion also plays into that - bucks own mind is confused - it was getting ready to ‘pursue’ Eddie but now we’re pivoting into what is essentially self love.

The continued bringing up of Eddie also makes sense with the contact of Tommy being alt Buck - because Eddie Eddie Eddie fills Bucks heart and mind - Both Evan and Buck recognise Eddies importance if not his full relevance in this moment. The resulting kiss then becomes less about Bucks bi awakening (I am not diminishing the importance of that in any way shape or form - its a vital aspect of Bucks journey) and more about Bucks decision to pursue loving himself - this ties into his statement ‘it wasn’t about me wanting to leave the 118 - it was about wanting to get to know you’ - its about Buck wanting to get to know himself - on the other side of his death and resurrection. It’s a continuation of his comments about Natalia ‘seeing him perhaps better than he sees himself’ - it’s about Buck starting to see himself better now he’s died and essentially been reborn and bout Buck now being in a place where he feels ready to confront that idea of being reborn and becoming someone new.

At the restaurant in 7x05 we have Tommy in an Eddie colour, but in a shirt that is much more Bucks style. There is also the green/blue colour play with Tommy stating Buck isn’t ready and Tommys ‘mismatched’ clothing bears that up - the play is on Bucks lingering confusion and uncertainty about what he wants - is it the Eddie side of things we’re pursuing the self love of Evan aspect we’re looking to explore? The entire scene is not just about Bucks first ‘date with a dude’ its also about Bucks fumbled attempts at self love - at not getting it right - its why Bucks outfit doesn’t fit him- why they’re now too big and baggy (I wrote about this in my costume meta for that episode - which like all the other costume posts can be found linked on my pinned post).  The innuendo about closets and Buck going into masculine bro mode is as much about his nervousness about being on a date with Tommy and being seen as it is about the fact that a man practicing self love is still taboo and so often met with derision - hiding that you are pursuing that is a kin to hiding queerness - at the start - until you get to a good place with it.

We side step into the Buck and Eddie loft scene briefly to look at Bucks confession to Eddie - I could write a whole thing on Eddies acceptance of Buck and its importance - but that is for a different post that isn’t already a million words long! what I want to mention in this scene is the why Buck can’t stop thinking about Tommy of it all - how it is essentially establishing the idea that Buck is starting to listen to himself.  He can’t stop thinking about Tommy because it isn’t Tommy he can’t stop thinking about it’s actually himself - Evan - in a learning to love himself and embrace who he is and was kind of way - all being done through a bi lens. it is essentially about Buck doing the thing he needs to do to be ready for a forever relationship with Eddie - which is love and accept himself - all of himself and acknowledging that to Eddie.

Buck switches back to better fitting clothes for the coffee date - and tommy is now dressed back in Buck colours and no trace of anything resembling Eddie in sight - making it clear that Buck has chosen to pursue himself. To get himself to the place he needs and wants to be first - the line about not knowing what it is he’s ready for but being ready for something is key - its a very self love line, but it also puts a very clear time frame on things - it makes it clear that Tommy is not endgame - because Bucks choosing self love and embracing and understanding ‘Evan’ isn’t his end game but a part of his bigger journey - a part of becoming who he needs to be to achieve what he actually wants - to get him to his endgame.

Then we have the Karaoke - brief scene(s). There isn’t really a huge amount in these scenes. But I do want to point out two things - the awkwardness of Buck and Tommys hug - and how that plays into the tentative nature of Bucks self love journey - and also Eddies behaviour towards Tommy - and the way it was very very clearly a lot cooler than we saw in 7x04.

We all jumped on the Petty Eddie train - and I agree there is an element of that. But - there is also the fact we are not seeing that scene through Bucks eyes - its through external eyes and we are therefore seeing the actual reality of Eddie and Tommys friendship - in that it isn’t this heightened date like - flirty new love type relationship - its simply two people who are loosely friends. Its remarkably normal and no threatening - only furthering the entire purpose of 7x04 being from Bucks viewpoint and Tommy being an alt Buck rather than an alt Eddie. It also therefore serves to further establish the Buddie of it all (but we all already knew that!). Tommy is still in Buck colours and the short sleeved henley is still something I would put more into the Buck costume camp than the Eddie one - especially in this season! 

The final Tommy scene and costume is the date at Bucks loft and the conversation about daddy kink. I still don’t like this scene (which has a lot more to do with execution and the script than the actual daddy kink of it all) but I am much more sanguine about it now that I understand what it is setting up.

Bear with me here I probably won’t make sense, but with the knowledge that Tommy is actually buck lite - a less good and developed version buck (Evan and in part the version of Buck that Buck himself thinks he is) the daddy kink scene actually becomes about setting up Buck addressing his past and his actual real daddy issues - because bucks past self sees his worth in those issues and without them it means both Evan and Buck have no worth. Buck confronting and dealing with them and choosing to forgive and move on means the end of Buck and Tommy because Tommy is no longer needed - he has served his purpose and Buck would be ready to start his future - Evan stays in the past and Buck completes his rebirth and closes his lightening strike arc.

Onto Bucks season 8 journey - Bringing Gerrard in to Bucks arc rather than the others who have far more connection to Gerrard now begins to make much more sense. Tommys past under Gerrard actually echoes Bucks past - in different ways and to vastly different degrees, but the parallel is there.  S1 Buck being a play boy and sleeping around and not treating women especially well (objectifying them etc) because of his own hang ups - is a pale echo of Tommy being closeted and racist sexist and homophobic under Gerrard. Like I said before - Buck is a pale imitation to Tommy here and that’s intentional (more in a sec) because once Tommy is under the wing of Bobby when he takes over the 118 we see him begin to grow and change. Buck follows the same pattern - Bobbys guidance pulls him away from his destructive behaviours and sets him onto the right path (Bobby is arguably the birther of Buck - Look I could write a whole thing off the back of my death and resurrection of Buck post about Bobbys role as God - the heavenly father - in Bucks life and how that is the overarching theme of Bobby and the show but I don’t have the time tbh!) to ‘redemption’.

Bucks behaviour is very intentionally not as bad as Tommys behaviour, because if Tommy is the plot device meant to essentially represent Bucks subconscious and how he views himself, then the reason we haven’t been shown Tommy atoning for any of his past sins and behaviours is because Buck hasn’t forgiven himself for his own. Buck is his own worst critic and will self flagellate to a ridiculous degree - and again with him being an unreliable narrator - he views his past indiscretions as being the equivalent of Tommys - therefore in his mind he hasn’t yet done enough to deserve absolution (Buck and Bobby being father and son in this as well!). 

Which brings me to s8 and the return of Gerrard and what Bucks arc is going to be (this is slightly incoherent and not fully formed - I’m still percolating!). Gerrard being central to Bucks arc - and Bucks push back is imo going to be about Buck taking a good look at himself and recognising/ facing up to and accepting his past. And that actually does come down to the daddy issues of it all. Because if Bobby is as good as Bucks dad - and allowed him (and his subconscious in the form of Tommy) to develop and grow - then Gerrard is Phillip Buckley (obviously a heightened more terrible version of reality in the same way Tommy is a much worse version of Buck) who parented Evan through apathy and taking the easy route - we saw Evan pushing back against Phillip in Buck Begins and being rewarded for it and thus establishing Bucks self destructive and self sacrificing pattern of behaviour. Acting out and getting hurt got him attention - so Buck acting out against Gerrard is this reduced and will ultimately have the same results just in an essentially more destructive way.  This is is a good thing - because this is about Buck recognising that he is worth and acting out etc is detrimental to him progressing as a person - its going to actively prevent his self love journey to flourish (and this is why in part I maintain my belief that Tommy is going to, if not encourage Bucks behaviour, then at least tell him to go along with Gerrard demands - for an easy life and also part of why I don’t think we’ll see a huge amount of Tommy - at least to begin with - until we get to a point where Buck is really motoring on the self love journey and getting to the point where he needs to do some pre break up face to face conversations that move him forward!).  It’s about forgiving and accepting his father for how Evan was raised - Bucks arc is going to be about forgiving himself and allowing himself to be happy, and he cannot do that if he doesn’t go through the Gerrard stuff - which is essentially a type of therapy. That’s also where I think the golf comes into it - it’s a metaphor for Buck building bridges, gaining understanding and accepting his past with his father - the metaphor of the driving range being the idea of standing side by side and performing the same thing, but landing in different places. There is also the concept of improving ones self and choosing to not repeat the mistakes of the past.

It also means the thing Tim said about Buck and Tommy becoming more comfortable with one another makes much more sense, and why he’d flip the question to talk about Eddie and about Eddie feeling a bit left out in the cold but not out in the cold! Buck is becoming more comfortable with himself and while he’s doing that and learning to be happy etc as I described above. Eddie is going to feel left out - because this is about Buck not Eddie - because it’s about Buck being ready for forever with Eddie - and Eddie ultimately cannot be a part of that journey - Buck has to do it for himself in the same way that Buck cannot help or be there while Eddie goes through his reckoning with the Catholic Church, and faiths place in his life and also dealing with the ghost of Shannon and his mother issues(because he has those and they are all set up to go in s8 - Chris being in Texas really sets that up nicely!

Bahaha Tim I’ve finally figured out your question answering methods and how they tell us all we need to know!! 

All this to say - Tommy is actually alt Buck - not Eddie lite (I mean he is still also that but it’s a bit of a red herring) he is a plot device for the biggest thing about Buck as a character and it all means Buddie here we come!

Thank you so so much if you have read this epic piece of waffle - I hope you enjoyed and I truly look forward to hearing all your thoughts on this and to you being as insane about it as I am!

Tagging some people who asked (and some who didn’t but might be interested anyway!)

@spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine @fruityfirehose @leothil

@bewitchedbewilderedbisexual @theladyyavilee @livingwherethesidewalkends @craigyxo

@izzysbeans @buddiediaz118 @inell @hotshotsxyz @winterskydragonx

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

Guys can we please talk about how HUGE buck being bisexual is?

We have more people watching the show because a man was made bi and he hits NONE of the gay stereotypes.

People are doing it because this is so so so rare!!

People are doing it out of SPITE for the homophobic fans!!

People are watching the first season and are in SHOCK because oh?? There’s a lesbian black couple?? With a CHILD??? Oh there’s a gay 911 operator???

Guys it’s just

So many people are discovering this amazing beautiful show and the queer characters and now THEY get to see themselves as well!! THEY get to experience this joy with us!!

Because 911 is so much more than Evan Buckley. It’s so much more than Hen and Karen and Josh. It’s so much more because of them. It’s so much more because we have such a diverse and amazing cast. It’s so much more because they talk about topics of abuse, ptsd, family trauma (for SEVERAL characters), therapy for MEN, the grief of losing a partner or a parent or a child. It’s fully a found family show!!

And it’s so beautiful to see people hear about this show and watch it and feel seen. That Evan Buckley being bisexual opened a door for so many people that never knew it was ever there.

[al-the-remix]

One of my favourites headcannons the fandom seems to share is that during the cruise ship rescue Buck recognizes Tommy from a sexy firefighter calendar he featured in while still at the 118 and that it's partially responsible for Buck developing such a strong interest in Tommy so quickly.

But, I find it equally funny to imagine Buck having one of those tiktok accounts where ripped men post borderlind pornographic videos of themselves finger blasting oiled up chiken or whatever while they craft a meal that looks like it belongs on the menu of a three Michelin star restaurant--tight apron, no shirt, good lighting, horny camera work, whatever tiktok song is trending in the background--the whole nine yards. (I'm imagining something along the lines of this guy's videos).

And the whole time poor Tommy’s trying to keep them all in one piece while flying head first into a hurricane, in his head there's just a mantra of: "is that the guy who makes the slutty eggs? Is that the guy who makes the slutty eggs? Is that the guy--"

(As it turns out Buck is indeed that guy)

Now there's an extra bit at the end of all his videos where Buck sets the plate down infront of a headless hunk seated at his kitchen island who makes a lot of appreciative moaning noises while he devours whatever Buck just prepared for him.

[duckshuffled]

hi it's those guys from ttc

[try-set-me-on-fire]

brick BRICK please I AM ON MY KNEES i just saw the bucktommy MCD fic aldhslhdkalkabsk i know i KNOW you said you don’t have the time or purview to write it, but if you would find it within your heart to further read us into shreds in any way, shape, or form, i’d be eternally grateful

(only if you would like to, of course, and quite honestly, i’m not sure i’d be able to survive another drabble, let alone a fully fledged fic)

Alright okay I’m thinking about it too here’s a tiny thing mwah mwah

“It’s his birthday,” Buck says eventually, when the mug has stopped steaming entirely. It almost startles Eddie, the sudden sound in a quiet that felt so final. He turns off the sink, sets down the last of the dishes, joins Buck at the table. Buck’s thumb caresses up and down the side of the mug. When Eddie picks up his own, it's skin-warm. “I liked to… plan things, I like to be… organized.” A rueful smile that stops miles short of his eyes. “You’ve probably noticed at work. I’ve been told I can be a monster with a clipboard in hand.” His voice is steady enough that Eddie is pretty sure Tommy isn’t the one who ever did the telling. “And he was going to be 45 and feeling some kind of way about that so… So I, uh, had it planned already. Before- uh- b-before.”

Tommy Kinard has been dead for seven months. Eddie’s not sure he’s ever put that much forethought into anything. He enlisted after an afternoon chatting at a recruitment booth. He applied to the fire academy on impulse after he saw an ad online. “What were you…”

Buck sighs. “Camping. Up north. Rented one of those, you know, cute vintage RVs. We were going to stop a few places. Had the vacation time cleared and ready to go.” He grimaces, shrugs, his eyes wet again. “I never… canceled any of it. I probably could have got some refunds, but I just… it was too- I- I just couldn’t.” He coughs something adjacent to a laugh. “The… I picked mint green, like the toaster he- got it from his aunt, I think. Uh. For the RV. It’s probably sitting in a lot somewhere right now waiting for us.”

“Buck, I…” Eddie wants to reach out so bad his hand moves on its own accord, clumsy, catching on his mug and clattering the ceramic against the wood of the table. “If you wanted company you could have told me why, but also you- you didn’t have to come here. I-I’m sorry. I know how hard it can be to… to be around people, to talk to anybody when you’re feeling like… and special occasions just make it worse.”

Buck- laughs. A few soft snorts, through his nose, smile hitting a little closer to clear blue. “That’s the thing, Eddie. That’s the… I miss him like this every day. I wake up and- and there’s a moment before I roll over where I think- hope- what if when I turn he’ll be there smiling at me? I-I-I miss his smile so bad, I- I have pictures, t-there’s even video- our wedding- b-but- but it’s not the same-” He gasps, and his shoulders turn in again, all of him crumpling towards a center line as he covers his face with one hand, the other white knuckled around his mug. “Sorry. S-sorry.”

“No, it’s… it’s okay, Buck.” Eddie’s hand is still hovering over the table, he’d never done anything with it after his failed reach. Close the gap. Just close the gap. He doesn’t.

Buck wipes his eyes, clears his throat, straightens up again. “Sorry. It’s… it’s just a day. They’re all- they’re all going to be like this. He’s not going to be in any of them. So I just have to- I’m just going to keep going.” Another smile, still wet and wretched but genuine anyways. “Besides, I told Chris I’d be here to help. Not a promise I’m interested in breaking.”

Eddie nods, biting his tongue against the sting in his own eyes that he’s not even entirely sure the cause of. “Well, thank god. I flunked freshman bio.”

Tea sloshes over Buck’s hand with how hard his laugh rattles through him. Eddie jumps up to get a towel, and when he goes to hand it over he gets caught frozen for a moment by Buck’s amused eye contact. “Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

“I had a C+ average.”

Eddie’s not sure how they manage not to spill the rest of the mug in the outburst that follows, but it stays stubbornly upright as their laughter bounces around the kitchen cabinets, mixing together, filling the room. When Buck smiles up at him again it looks just a little easier, and Eddie thinks- he thinks he’d do a lot to make Buck’s life easy. He shakes out the towel and cleans up the tea.

[fili-oeuvre]

you know what, making the cult of the million deer a real thing (canon to the universe now) in this world, because it gives me an excuse to write more horror stuff and the concept of it has grown on me

[alexisrosemullens]

The chaos of Treasure Hunt

[poughkeepsies]

with how devastatingly vulnerable "trying to get your attention has been kind of exhausting" sounded - and it was only him confessing this to tommy, someone buck has almost minimal history with - I cannot possibly imagine how heart-shattering his confession to eddie is going to be

[normcore-tertiary-character]

Y'all have been LIVING LIKE THIS??? This is still SEASON 2. Buddie fans are the strongest ❤️❤️

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

Favorite Buddie Moments Per Episode: 7x4 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered (Part 1)

[princessamericachavez]

like yes yes eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen but also 

Eddie needs to get over the very big trauma of losing his wife. Last time he dated someone he had literal panic attacks at the thought of her being mistaken for Chris’s mother and as much as we saw him work through in therapy we never?? really?? talked?? about?? that?? So, yeah, Eddie needs to realize that he’s at a point where he’s ready to risk his heart and give love a second chance 

(and maybe realize he already did becase there already is a partner in his life who gets consistently confused for Chris’s guardian and it feels natural to him?? but he still needs to realize he’s ready for love)

And Buck needs to be ready to be in a relationship where he’s loved for who he is, where he doesn’t bend and twist to fit someone else’s expectations. And for that Buck needed to die, and needed to come back, and now he needs to process that trauma and steady himself. 

(and Buck loves so quickly, so openly, so loudly, and he gives so much of himself and he wants to be loved that way, and maybe he’ll realize that he already?? is?? loved?? but he needs to let himself accept it)

so basically, it’s not only a matter of choice... eddie needs to be ready to love and buck needs to accept that he is loved if they are ever going to find each other properly together

and that, my funny little friends, is the point of their arcs were we are at right now