#AFTER I'VE SENT A FOLLOW UP TWO WEEKS LATER

[dredshirtroberts]

listen. I know my family is bad at communication and acknowledgement of receipt of Thing but when the one thing that consistently happens semi-annually is that I get fussed at for not confirming I received something, it irks me a smidge.

Like if I'm expected to always confirm "Hey I got your [communication/gift]" then why aren't they doing it back? Especially considering the communication in this instance has really actually very important information they will want to know if they want to stay in contact with me.

Like????

Even if I'd just gotten a "K" in response, like. at least it would have let me know they got the damn thing. I sent this email TWO WEEKS AGO and only one person responded - and it was practically immediate too. Like... i know folks are busy, i know shit's going on. I get it. But it would help me feel so much less like I'm suddenly a pariah in the family out of nowhere if like one of the people I'd sent this to had just responded in some way shape or form.

I'd have answered a phone call - i wouldn't have liked it, but i'd have done it. A letter in the mail to my current address even. a message in a bottle probably wouldn't get to me because i'm pretty far from the beaches of the great lakes, and also they're even farther, but like. something right?

my sister at least confirmed she got it and just forgot to respond. i imagine that's what happened with everyone else because we have the same mental illnesses and look. i do it too. but also? also?? i was hounded to respond quickly to things, i was told off every time i wasn't responding within a half hour of any communication. I was asked instantly the next time they saw me if I'd gotten it, even if i hadn't had a chance to see the thing yet.

So forgive me, family, if I'm a little peeved off that all y'all are allowed to "forget to respond" for two whole fucking weeks and then a few extra days (because it's been 2 weeks, 3 days exactly) when i can't let something sit in the mailbox for 2 days because i couldn't get to my mailbox easily while living on my own without getting a phone call or text or email that there should be something waiting in there for me.

*enraged screeching*

[motherlvr]

love me better, listen more.

wc: 3.2k

Pairing: Earth-42! Miles Morales x f! reader

Summary: After Miles' father died, everything changed. Including your relationship with Miles.

Warnings: angst w/ happy ending, cursing, friends to strangers to lovers, angry makeout session, Flash Thompson exists here

A/N: honestly my fav fic i've made so far, im literally running out of photos for him. im gunna have to start using photos of his jordans

As you walked home, an arm wrapped around your shoulders from behind, "¿Cómo está mi ángel hoy?" Miles’ voice flowed through your ears.

He called you his, but you weren't lovers.

You were slightly startled but immediately recognized him. Letting out a soft chuckle, you said, “Your ángel, huh? That’s a new one.” smiling up at him.

"It suits you." Miles gave you a wink.

Usually, he called you 'ma'. So his switch-up today made you narrow your eyes at him skeptically. "What's with the good mood today? No 'ma'?" You tilted your head at him.

Shrugging it off, he said, "What, I can't be happy to see my girl?" He had a point, except for the fact that you weren't his girl.

You laughed and shook your head at him, "By all means, go ahead." As he accompanied you on your way home, you realized he made your walk home much more pleasant. Arriving at your house, you told him "This is me. Thanks for walking me today." You gave him a light peck on his cheek.

"Course. Make sure to wear that outfit I like tomorrow, mami." He teased with a grin, only half serious.

Rolling your eyes at him, you smiled, "You're insufferable. Adiós, Miles!" You waved as you walked up to your doorstep.

"Chao, princesa." Walking away, his mood felt lighter. He walked home with a little more liveliness than usual.

For reasons unknown, Miles walking you home was becoming a reoccurring event. Within the next few weeks, he walked you home more often than not. You started to look forward to it as you searched for him after school.

As you both walked down the street of your neighborhood for what seemed to be the hundredth time, you approached your house. As you both stood in front of your house, you turned to him and said, "Thanks for walking me home, Miles." You placed a kiss on his cheek. It seemed to be turning into a daily routine now.

"Anytime, princesa. Hasta luego." He smirked at you and watched you walk into your house before leaving.

Little did you know, that would be the last time he walked you home in a while.

Later that evening, you kicked your feet up on your couch and turned on the television. The first channel that popped up was the news channel. Reading the headline, your heart dropped into your stomach. It read,

"Police Captain Jefferson Davis Found Dead At 44.”

"Holy shit." You gasped. In an instant, you dropped the remote and tried to contact Miles. You tried calling but were sent immediately to voicemail. So you opted to text him, "I'm so sorry, Miles. I'm always here if you need to talk."

You left him multiple messages that night to no avail. The following day at school, you tried to scout him out in the halls. But he was never there. You would call if you thought he would answer.

Miles and you always confided in each other. There was a mutual trust between the two of you. However, within less than twenty-four hours, Miles' demeanor completely changed.

Leaving him another message after school, you said, "Where have you been? I'm worried, Miles. But you know that already. Sorry for the messages."

No response yet again. He didn't even bother to read it.

Weeks passed by with little to no contact from Miles. He seemed to entirely disappear. Your concern only grew for him. You haven't even seen him in the hallways at school. There was no denying it, you were starting to miss him.

Although, today was a new day. And for the first time in what felt like a century, you saw him in the hall. He looked a fright. There were new frown lines on his face that weren't there before. He looked slimmer, even. His smug smirk that would always adorn his face around you was no longer present. Your eyes lit up at the sight of him nonetheless. Jogging up to him, you called out.

"Miles, wait." You softly said as you delicately grabbed his arm, not to startle him. He paused, looking back but not into your eyes. He shook your grip off, never making eye contact with you. "I just need some time, alright?" He told you. But what does 'some time' entail? What if he just didn't want anything to do with you in general?

He walked away and didn’t look back.

You felt your heart break into two as you watched him fade away from your view. It broke for both him and you. Seeing him like this pained you. But at the same time, your heart ached as he pushed you away in the process.

Yet, you granted him his wish. You stopped looking for him in the hall. You stopped trying to message him. You stopped leaving voicemails. Maybe if you gave him some time, things would smooth out. Grief is a long process, after all. You couldn't blame him for grieving.

Weeks turned into months without any contact from Miles. And it didn't seem like he was going to break that any time soon.

You fell back into your old routine, the one where you'd never met Miles. He was merely a stranger that you thought too often about. You walked home without him next to you. And into class alone as well. You no longer looked forward to walking with him at the end of the day. The walks home were infuriatingly quiet.

Every day you arrived at your doorstep but never felt at home. You had a home, and he was it.

-----------

While you were getting books out of your locker, an arm slung around your shoulders. An almost familiar sensation. But it wasn't him. Far from him, actually.

Instead, it was no one other than Flash Thompson. His notorious blond hair and conceited attitude were tell-tale signs. You could almost smell the arrogance radiating off of him before you even acknowledged his presence.

"How are you, gorgeous?" He removed his arm from your shoulders to close your locker. Leaning his arm onto the locker above your head, he encased you on your locker with your back against it.

"I'm fine." You dryly responded, uninterested in his pursuits.

"That you are." He gave you a predatory smirk and winked at you. You mentally grimaced. "Anyway. You still with that Morales kid?"

Raising a brow at him, you respond, "We were never together.”

"Huh. He's always by your side, like an over-protective guard dog. So I assumed." Flash said. He wasn’t necessarily wrong. But that wasn't the case anymore. It hasn't been for some time.

This was one of the many times Flash had tried his advances on you. However, it never worked to his intentions since Miles was always there to tell him off. This time was different. Miles was nowhere in sight. At least, within your sight. Meaning Flash had an open opportunity with you. There was no Miles around to try and bite his head off.

"Yeah, well. Not anymore." You muttered. Suddenly feeling awkward, you directed your stare anywhere other than Flash's hungry gaze. An uncomfortable cold shiver ran down your spine.

Flash leaned in, his fingers pushing a strand of your hair away from your face. Whispering in your ear, he told you, "That's too bad. I could treat you better than him, though. He doesn't have to know, baby.”

You looked up at him and tried to hide the disgust that was forming on your face. But, hey. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, you tried to convince yourself. This was a chance to get over Miles. His hold on you was ridiculous, considering you were never actually together. You weren’t going to wait for him to crawl back to you.

You put a hand on Flash’s chest in an attempt to push him away from you. But he misinterpreted it and encased his palm over your hand that was laying on his chest. “See? You’re warming up to me already. You don’t need him.” He cockily said.

Turning your head away from him, you said, “I don’t know, Flash. I’ll think about it.” pretending to consider it. He gave you a displeased look, "What's there to think about? We would be good together, babe." he tried to persuade you. It was evident that he wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Miles turned around the corner and instantly spotted you. He’s been skipping almost every day. All of a sudden, he felt glad that he didn’t skip today as he saw you with Flash Thompson. Way too close for his comfort. And then he saw your hand on Flash’s chest. That was his breaking point.

Miles saw nothing but red as he walked over to the two of you. If looks could kill, Flash would've been dealt with by the first second he walked around the corner. He sneered, "Back the fuck off my girl, Thompson." shoving him in the chest away from you.

You couldn’t believe him. After all that time, now is when he decides to make an appearance. He was the one that cut you out of his life. Not you, but him. Huffing at him, you spoke up before Flash did. "I'm not your girl. You've made that clear." You rolled your eyes in irritation.

Flash gave Miles a smug smirk at your words, "You heard her. So go fuck yourself, Morales." He spat at Miles, getting up close and personal with him. As Flash glared at Miles, it was clear he was trying to intimidate him. It wasn't working.

You almost didn't comprehend what was happening as a fist collided with Flash's face, knocking him down momentarily. He groaned in pain, holding onto his nose as blood dripped from it.

“What the fuck?” You screeched at Miles’ outburst. Flash was still laying on the floor, stumbling to get up. Before it could escalate further, you pulled Miles by his arm and dragged him into an empty supply closet. Miles opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

"The fuck is wrong with you, Miles? You don't speak to me for months and now you suddenly want something to do with me?" You said in disbelief.

He said bluntly, "I don't want to see you with him again."

His hands traveled over the curve of your hips to your waist, pulling you closer to him. You tried to get out of his touch. Or, you would've. But his hands on you felt too natural. He felt right.

That didn’t mean you’d let him off easy. This was the first conversation you both held in months.

"Well for the past few months, you didn't want to be seen with me either." You quipped, aggravated. His sudden change of heart polarized your emotions. You were conflicted with yourself.

He shook his head, “I’m sorry, mami. There’s shit going on that I couldn’t involve you in. I can’t bring you down with me.” He uncharacteristically apologized.

His words made you become hyper-aware of his hands on your waist. The way he rubbed circles into your skin with his thumbs. How you almost folded under his touch, but maintained your unbothered facade. No matter how much time has passed, he still made your heart race.

You scoffed at him and continued, "I’m not going to wait around for you like some lovesick puppy. Do you want me or not, Miles?"

Without a moment of hesitation, he quickly said, “You have no fucking idea.” Inspecting his eyes, you tried to find deception within them. What you saw in return was the gaze of a man starved.

“Then earn me.” Glaring up at him, you harshly retorted as you furrowed your brows at him. But one more look into each other's eyes was all it took for the tension to snap in half.

He grabbed you by the waist swiftly and pulled you in, your lips finally connecting. You wrapped your arms around his neck. Your bodies pressed together against the wall of the closet, knocking over supplies. The pent-up frustrations inside of you came undone as you kissed him with all the fiery passion you could muster. You bit his lower lip, making him groan against your mouth. That was a sound you realized you'd love to hear on repeat. Your lips moved together in perfect harmony. Like they were made to fit each other.

His hand traveled to the back of your head into your hair as he pulled it softly, making you muffle a whimper into his mouth.

Miles pulled away for a split second to whisper with a smirk, "Cállate, hermosa. But I'm down if you want everyone to hear." His lips were hovering over yours, only seconds away. You felt both of your chests heaving against one another, his breath overlapping yours. You were sure he could feel your heartbeat.

"Fuck you, Miles." You briskly closed the small distance between both of your lips once again before he could make a crude remark about how 'you'd like that'.

You spent the rest of the class period cooped up with him in the minimal space of the supply closet.

-----------

After school, you looked for Miles. Something you've been restraining yourself from doing over these past few months. However, you were hoping things were different now. In a good way. You'd think spending some quality time in a supply closet together would change things.

But as you looked across the courtyard, Miles was nowhere to be seen. You felt irritated with him once again, but you weren’t going to let him cut you out of his life for a second time.

So you did what any rational person would do. You visited his house to talk with him. You believed that if you had a decent conversation with him, it would fix what broke between the two of you. After all, his mother did tell you that you were always welcome there. His house was the place the both of you created a collection of memories. Memories that you stayed up late thinking about. Before it all went downhill. Knocking on the door, his mother answered it.

You greeted her with a smile, "Hola, Mrs. Morales! Is Miles here?" She gave you a knowing look. Mrs. Morales always did have a knack for knowing exactly what was going on.

Nodding her head, she told you "You caught him at a good time. He's been in and out with his Uncle lately. Come on in." She promptly led you inside the house.

"Gracias, Mrs. Morales." You told her before you made a beeline for Miles' room. Stopping right in front of his door, you knocked. Silence came from the other side. "Miles, I'm going to come in. Please don't be naked." You covered your eyes with your palm as you opened his door.

You didn't hear any yells of protest, so you assumed it was safe to peek through your fingers. As you removed your hand from your face, you noticed he was climbing through his own window. But that's not what made you stop in your tracks. Rather, it was his attire. He wasn't naked by any means. Instead, he was wearing the infamous suit that you've seen on the news time and time again. Over the past few months. The correlation clicked in your brain. He wasn't purposely avoiding you for the last few months. His life was just turned upside down in more than one way. He turned into the Prowler.

He looked just as shocked as you while he climbed through his window. "Fuck, what are you doing here, mami?" He frantically asked.

Closing the door behind you, you said, "I came to speak to you, but it seems like all my questions are answered now." You felt numb.

He didn't have a response. He didn't know what to tell you. It was exactly what it looked like. There were no words exchanged, but much was said within those silent moments.

Breaking the silence, you exclaimed, "Y'know what? Forget it. Forget I came here. Matter of fact, forget we ever met." You just about had it. Miles, the one that used to walk you home, being the Prowler was not exactly something you predicted.

"You know I can't do that." He said. You started to back away from him, turning away. He grabbed your arm with a feather-like touch, despite wearing his steel claws. You knew he wasn't going to hurt you. Not physically, at least. "Just let me explain."

"What is there to explain? That you've been avoiding me for months because you're the Prowler? I don't think anything else needs to be said." You let out a faint melancholic chuckle.

He stared into your eyes as he removed his claws, gently grasping your shoulders. "Mami, just listen to me." He pleaded, "You understand now why I couldn't tell you. That's why I had to stay away. This business is the shit I can't have you affiliated with."

"If you don't want me affiliated, then don't join it." You snapped at him, pushing a finger into his chest.

Your response set off something inside of him as he blurted out, "I'm in love with you. Shit, I love you so fucking much. I always have. You're the only one that's ever on my mind, 'ight? If I permanently lost you, I'd never come back from that."

Those were precisely the words you've been waiting ages to hear. But not like this.

"Miles. I can't be a part of this. I don't want to do this 'back and forth' thing. I can't do this. Not with you." Turning your back on him again, you tried to hold your composure as you stepped away. Out of his grasp. You had no intention to break down in front of him. This time, you were the one walking away. You were going to be the one leaving him.

"Wait," He called out, his voice faltering. You were slipping through his fingers, right in front of his eyes. If he had to beg you to stay, so be it. Even after all that time apart, you've been the sole reason he woke up in the morning. He couldn't afford to let you leave him for good.

"Quédate conmigo, mami. Por favor. I can't lose you again." His voice trembled with desperation. Your steps hesitated, his words plunging knives directly into your heart. You've never seen him like this. And it was a sight you never wished to see again.

So you obliged. You might as well have taken what you said and thrown it in the trash. He had the ability to change your mind with only a few words. Turning back to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck in a tight embrace. He reciprocated as he enveloped your waist with his arms.

You buried your face in his neck as you whispered, "Don't fucking do that again. Don't shut me out." You placed a light kiss on it. You continued, "I love you too, Miles." removing your face from his neck to stare up into his eyes.

"I promise, mami. It's only ever been you." He softly said, pressing his lips to yours. You kissed back with just as much delicacy.

You were aware it was an incredibly dangerous business Miles was involved in. For him, you'd give up anything. You hadn’t a clue what being involved with the Prowler would exactly entail. It was something you both would have to figure out together.

Your relationship was by no means perfect. But you were both learning. As long as it was with him, you wouldn't have it any other way.

-----------

¿Cómo está mi ángel hoy? - How's my angel today?

Princesa - Princess

Adiós/Chao - Bye

Cállate - Shut up, be quiet

Hermosa - Beautiful

Quédate conmigo - Stay with me

Por favor - Please

(yes the title is a childish gambino reference)

[axeoverblade]

Celoso

Earth 1610 Miles x fem! reader

Synopsis! Miles cut ties with you, his best friend of nearly ten years, when he decided to not so kindly tell you the way you felt about him was how he felt about Gwen. Now weeks later when you show up with a new guy, he couldn’t help but feel a covetous pit of envy burrowing deep inside his body.

MASTERLIST

Genre: angst(? not really), suggestive bits

Warnings: Mature!, foul language, toxic on every end, mentions of cheating

Word count: 2k

Authors commment: unedited and poorly written scrap fic from a while ago but I really liked this piece of it so I’m publishing it. One shot no second part. Enjoy <3

Do not copy! All rights reserved to ©axeoverblade

It had been months since Miles had spoken to you. His parents were concerned. They kept asking where you were, Miles would just sigh and say you had been busy.

I mean it wasn't his fault, he just didn't feel the same way you felt. Why was he being punished for that, for liking Gwen instead of you? Granted, he could’ve been a little nicer in his delivery. Who was he kidding, he could’ve been a hell of a lot nicer, but it was too far gone to change it now.

You just wouldn't get it. You have been his best friend since infancy. With you everything felt familiar, safe even. But with Gwen, he felt alive. Why was that so wrong, why wasn’t he allowed to be happy with who he wanted to be with?

He continued living his life as usual as he could make it. Still saving New York, still being Spiderman, still being Miles, just as life would be if he never met you. The ordinary.

Something that wasn't ordinary, was Gwen visiting. His dads party was happening, and even though he had just gotten into a big fight with his parents, he still wanted to go up and introduce her.

-

It didnt take long for Mrs.Morales to hate Gwen. Rio was furious, I mean the girl had the nerve to call her by her first name! You would never do that. Plus this girl looked old enough to vote.

This was not someone Miles should be hanging out with, especially over you.

So Rio took it upon herself to invite you. She hadn't seen you in a long time anyway, so she missed “the daughter she never had”. Knowing Miles would have to see you and eventually fix whatever happened between the two of you was just a bonus.

…

When you walked through the door to the roof a little while after she sent you that text, Rio squealed with delight.

“Jeff, papi mira! It’s Y/n” she saw a gift in your hand, something Gwen did not bring. “Ah! Y/n Mija! ¡Es muy bueno verte! Cómo está?” “Good Mrs.Morales, thank you for asking. How have you been? Sorry for not visiting, I've been busy.” “nonsense chiquita, I’m so happy you could make it, venir, venir! Come say hi! Everyone has missed you!” You gave a curt nod, preparing yourself for all the questions from the big familia and more importantly, seeing Miles.

Rio paused, seeing a tall, attractive, dark skin boy with dreads behind you, holding your hand. She looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, “Quién es ese” you pretended not to hear her, instead walking next to him behind her as she went further into the party.

After a couple of minutes of reuniting with all of the family, you saw Jeff and gave him his present. He thanked you, “Hey you know the girl Miles is with?” You looked around, still not seeing him. You shook your head no.

Jeff noticed the boy you were with was now holding your waist with one hand, standing next you. He side eyed him questionably. Jeff could’ve sworn you would only let Miles hold you like this, hating intimate acts physical touch from anyone but his son. Who was this guy who had won you over?

“Miles,” Rio paused looking at Gwen, “and uh you too I guess, Guess whos here! Come say hi! ” Rio told miles, pulling him with Gwen following over to whoever his mom wanted him to see. “Whos here mami-” He was cut off by the sight of Y/n talking to his father, and some random-, holding your waist?

He furrowed his eyebrows, who in the hell is that?

“Ay! Y/n look who!” Rio pushed her son forward so you could see him. He looked back displeased at his moms antics before turning to face you. Miles stared at you awkwardly, “Uh, hey.” You nodded at him with pursed lips.

The girl you had seen in all the drawings appeared next to him, no doubt this was girl he liked instead of you.“Uh-Hi! I'm Gwen!” She stuck her hand out, you looked at it before just nodding, causing her to drop her hand embarrassed, “Y/n”.

Rio smirked, happy you didn't like her either.

“So who are you?” Miles asked looking at the guy holding your waist, a little more aggressive in his tone than he needed to be. Miles watched as the guy raised an eyebrow mockingly at Miles. “Dre, nice to meet you”. Dre stuck his hand out, Miles to look him up and down ignoring the gesture. Dre dropped his hand, smirking lousily at Miles' expression.

Miles couldn't help but notice Dre was about an inch taller than him.

He didnt like that.

“Um, so how do you two know each other?” Gwen asked, looking between you and dre.

“I'm her boyfriend”

Miles unconsciously pulled his head into his neck, making the most aggressive stank face known to man. “Since when” he scowled, trying to hide the attitude in his voice. He wasn’t hiding it very well. Dre responded for you, “few weeks ago, why?”.

“huh” miles nodded ignoring the question, clearly annoyed. Dre kissed your shoulder, smirking harder, almost a full blown grin making its way to his face at miles expression. Miles's spider senses involuntarily made him aware of your heartbeat speeding up as you blushed, slightly giggling to yourself.

Miles had no clue why this bothered him so much. I mean he was right next to Gwen, the girl of his dreams. You being with this wannabe Luka Sabbat really shouldn't have bothered him so much. And why was your heart beating so quick from him kissing your shoulder? You didnt actually like this bum for real did you?

Feeling Miles prying eyes, you looked at him skeptically before turning to dre. “Well-uh we better get going before were late. Congrats Captain Morales,” you looked at Jeff and smiled lightly. “Um nice to meet you Gwen,” she nodded, grinning nicely. You turned to Rio “it's always nice to see you Mrs.Morales, contact me if ever need help with anything.” “Yes mija. Thank you for stopping by.” You finally turned to Miles,

“Miles”

“Y/n”

Gwen stared between the two of you confused. What was that?

-

tap! tap! tap!

You groaned at the sound coming from your window. Covering your head with her blanket trying to ignore the noise, you pretended to be asleep.

The taps soon turned to knocks causing you to groan louder “Dre hold on I heard you” you got up begrudgingly leaving the comfort of your bed to open the window.

“-oh, it's you." Opening the glass surprised, you allowed Miles in. Miles stared you up and down, taking note of the fact you were in nothing but a big tee, a big tee he had never seen before.

“Why is he coming to your room through the window?” He questioned, towering over you. “Miles what are you talking about?-”. “You thought it was Dre at your window right? No te hagas la mudo y/n. Why is he coming through your window, especially this late at night.”

“I dont see how that is any of your concern. We havent spoken in weeks and you wanna pretend you care what's going on in my life, on my time? Nah, that's not how that works.” Miles scoffed. “Whos shirt is that y/n- cause I know it's not yours.” “Its Dre’s, but that none of your business-” “What is he? Some rebound?” He laughed sardonically. “I mean there's no way you even really like the dude, you just liked me!” You scoffed, “Not everything is about you miles, this has nothing to do with you, I moved on.” he looked at you “Estás mintiendo”. “Oh yea? What makes you think that huh? Y-you think i'm so stuck on you that i can't move on from- what? Some stupid crush on you? Get over yourself Miles-” “tu latido” he whispered. “What?” “Your heartbeat y/n, I know you're lying ‘cause your heartbeat.” You looked at him blanky, hiding the shock in your face as he stepped closer to you, leaving a small gap between you two.

“I can feel it, Sé tú mi amas.”

He gently grabbed your neck, leaning down to kiss you. Your eyes widened before closing. Embracing the moment, you wrapped your arms around Miles' neck. Your mouth parted slightly, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Feeling your knees buckle, Miles took his free hand and placed it on your backside, effectively stabilizing you. He could sense you, all of you.

Your heart was beating the fastest it ever had. He could feel your chest rising and falling as you struggled to breathe through your nose. Your pheromones were at their strongest. He smirked into the kiss, loving the effect he had on you.

This is wrong. You had a boyfriend, sure only for only about a month but you did still have one. And you were cheating on him with Miles of all people. Your lips shouldn’t have fit together like puzzle pieces, chest rising and falling at the same time with your hearts beating in sync. It was natural, like you were meant for each other.

But he wasn’t yours and you weren’t his.

You knew you should stop. You should end this before it got too far, before it got to a point beyond something an apology could fix.

But if this was so wrong,

¿Por qué se sintió tan bien?

You sat on your bed anxiously, zoned out at staring at the ceiling. It had been two days since the…incident.

Miles' tongue fought for dominance with yours. He guided you over to your bed, hands roaming all over you body needingly. You slightly tripped falling back onto the edge of the mattress, still kissing him passionately as he leaned over you. He stabilized himself putting his knee between your legs, placing his hands on either side of you. Your hands were woven into his curls, slightly pulling on them causing him to groan in the kiss. His tongue won, exploring your mouth as it pleased.

ring! ring! ring!

You pulled away from miles, a string of saliva visibly attaching the two of you as you moved further away. You breathed heavily as you looked at the user ID calling you.

DREBAE<3 is calling!

…

answer-decline

You stared at the phone wide eyed. From your expression Miles knew exactly who had called you. “no respondas eso y/n.” Miles said sternly, so close you could feel his breath tickling your neck. The way he said it seemed less like a statement and more like an ultimatum. You looked up at Miles, your chest rising and falling quickly.

“...Hello baby?” you said as you put it on speaker staring at Miles, still trying to catch your breath. Miles scoffed looking at you, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Hey mami” Miles looked at the phone in your hand with pure disgust. Who did this guy think he was giving you that nickname? Did he even speak spanish? “I need you, real bad” Dre said breathily through the phone, causing your eyes to go wider than they already were. Miles however, became very irritated. Who in the hell did this guy think he was? And why haven’t you hung up the phone yet?

Miles quickly got up, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. It was clear who your choice was. He scoffed, walking back over to your window . To him it didn’t matter what he said you to a few months ago, that he chose someone else over you. Or the fact you had a boyfriend who had every right to call you.

It was the fact it was only you and him right now, and you didn’t choose him. He suddenly felt the feeling you must’ve experienced when he did this to you. And damn did it hurt.

Miles stared at your figure, an unreadable look in his eye. Going back through your window with one last glance at you, he shut it with a slam. “What was that baby?” Dre asked through the phone.

“uhm.. Just the wind I think.”

©axeoverblade

[l4long-winded]

i really wanna see carmy groveling 🤭 might be fun, after a fight or something

how cruel... i like the way you think! i tried to write him as close to his character here while still adding in that groveling element. i hope i've done it justice!

o.s. a guilty heart's plea(s)

summary: carmen's said some unforgivable things to you. and yet here he is at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him (carmen berzatto x afab!reader)

reflection: as much as i pride myself in my ability to write scenes and descriptions, i still struggle a lot with making dialogue sound good while flowing with my writing. i think this has been good practice for me to really get inside this character's head and see what he could possibly say with a prompt as heavy as this. this took me about a week to write so i really hope i gave it the time and energy it deserves. thank you all for reading and feedback is always welcomed, appreciated, and encouraged!

warnings: cursing, angst, established relationship, implied smut, reminiscing, they're on a break, inner monologue, carmen's pov, rambling, self-loathing, carmen pleading, inability to express feelings, apologies, missed calls, insecurities, acts of service, sydney sweeney mention, smoking, somewhat happy ending (please let me know if there are other warnings i need to add)

word count: 2,132

( this work has been cross-posted to ao3 )

Carmen knocks on the screen door ahead of him. It’s his seventh time doing so, the clattering and aggravating sound of metal reverberating against the second door behind that one. Dust coats his knuckles because it transferred from the opaque metal, a small spot shinier than the rest of the door because he continued to rap at the same area. Maybe he should clean it for you later if you actually decide to speak to him again. His hands fidget at his sides, clenching and releasing, staring blankly as he thinks of all the times he’s come over. For his first initial visit, you unlocked the door, gave him a cautious glance over your shoulder, and then led him inside. During the second time, you held his hand as you stepped past the threshold, squeezing it in reassurance.

On Valentine’s Day, when he surprised you with an assortment of flowers from the farmer’s market, you greeted him with a deep kiss, tugging the collar of his shirt to pull him inside of your house. He didn’t show any resistance, blindly following your lead, dropping off the flowers onto your couch as your hands lifted his shirt, and your mouths departed from one another for a smidgen of a second before they found each other again, more impassioned and desperate.

“Open the door, come on, I’m sorry,” he says, more so to himself than your screen door. He’s been close to shouting at it this entire time, making his pleas, encouraging you to open it for him so he can have a discussion with you face-to-face.

He’s called you plenty of times. Each one has either rang for as long as the line allowed or went straight to voicemail. Two weeks have passed without seeing each other. Two long weeks of unanswered text messages he’s sent day by day and missed calls clogging up your phone’s notifications. You’re ignoring him and he knows he deserves it, guilty as the hand in the cookie jar, but he still can’t shake this overwhelming feeling inside of him to see you again. The albums dedicated to you in his gallery are not enough to satisfy this. His fingers twitch every time he swipes at an image and relives the sensation of running them along your skin. That’s when his nose begins to miss the scent that clings to your neck. That’s when his ears long to hear the lilt of your laughter and that particular way you say his name. That’s when his tongue rejects the nicotine and implores him for a taste of your chapstick, or the bubblegum flavor lingering in your mouth greeting him after a shift at work, or the giggles you fall into as he chases the subtle pecks you graciously feed him.

The door behind the one he’s attending to opens. There you are. He can’t see you since the sun is positioned right behind him, warming his back as it sets into the background. At most, he makes out the silhouette of your frame, recognizable to his eyes as he’s acquainted himself with every curve and slope of you, but he’s aware you fully see him on the other side. He wonders if you’re able to tell how little he’s slept since a look in the mirror this morning painted the picture of an exhausted man through dark rings under his eyes and a slackened jaw.

“What do you want, Carmen?” You ask. Not Carmy. Not Bear. Not any of that cheesy shit Richie pokes fun at him for. Carmen. He’s not sure whether he’s relieved to hear the sound of your voice or offended he’s lost every sweet moniker you’ve bestowed upon him.

“To talk,” he explains quickly, “I just want to talk. If you want me to fuck off, then,” he inhales sharply. It would kill him if you told him to fuck off, but he’s also not about to make you uncomfortable for an issue he caused. “Then I’ll fuck off.”

Unlike Carmen, you’re not rapidly firing away sentences in response to him. You’re quiet for a beat and it’s rather agonizing for him because even though there’s only a door separating the two of you, you’re still so far out of his reach. He’s tempted to cup his hands over his eyes and look past the individual holes of the door to check if you’re still there.

“Go ahead,” you say, interrupting his thoughts and refuting his fear you’ve stalked back inside your living room.

“Talk.”

He gulps. He was hoping to at least do this without a barrier in the way, but he’s not about to fumble the one opportunity and chance you’ve given him after two weeks of nothing. He’d be a fool to.

“Fuck… I…” Well, this is off to a great start. He tries to think about the texts he’s sent. He had time to sit down and write out apologies and yet none of them are splurging onto his tongue to save him the awkward discomfort currently stirring in his stomach.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said,” Can you let me figure this shit out without breathing down my fucking neck ringing in his ears, haunting him like a phantom stuck on his shadow because it’s one of the last things he said to you before you took off and rightfully gave him the cold shoulder.

“I was stressed and frustrated and, and I wasn’t thinking. Those aren’t excuses for being shitty,” he shakes his head so hard that his hair untucks from his hat and grazes his eyelashes, “If anything, they make me more shitty because only assholes do that and that’s what I am. I’m a fucking asshole and and and and…” He’s rambling, losing the point of this. He’s got a talent for berating himself. He falls into it naturally if he’s not careful.

“And I fucked up. I really, really fucked up. I didn’t mean any of it. I never wanted to hurt you.” But you did. “I don’t know why I do that. I don’t know why I ruin shit, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but something is and you, you, you always… you’re always there and and and then you weren’t and…”

This is hard. He’s never been good at articulating his feelings. He wants nothing more than to just tell you how he’s fucked up and you’re one of the only people who doesn’t think he is, but after his true colors have splintered out of him and sliced at you as they have other people in his life he cares for, your perception’s possibly changed from that. He believes he’s confirmed every horrible thing he’s ever thought and said about himself and usually, he can handle that self-loathing and dissonance on his own, but consternation bubbles in his ribcage and sparks embers licking at the lining of his stomach at the very idea of you becoming desensitized to the version of himself you’ve fallen for. He wants to shove the curtains back into place, pretend you never stumbled upon the man behind them, and continue walking hand in hand with you in the reverie he knew wouldn’t last. But damn it. He wants it to last longer than this. It wasn’t enough time. He craves more of it, grasping for the seconds in his hands despite how much they’re attempting to evade him as the clock ticks and ticks. 

“Fucking fuck,” he bellows, “Man, fuck me, fucking fuck me.” Vulnerability is so fucking repulsive. Who the hell invented it? He can’t finish a keynote to save his life.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he settles on.

“I can’t fucking sleep, I can’t fucking eat, Richie keeps calling me a dumb shit like I’m not already thinking that. I-I-I need you. I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t, but I do. I don’t blame you for leaving and I don’t blame you for ghosting me, but please, I can’t fucking do this anymore. I know I’m being a selfish fuck, but I can’t shake what you make me feel and I won’t leave until you talk to me.”

He stares hard at the door. The sun’s lower in the sky, making it more difficult to see if you’re still standing there listening to what he has to say, as jumbled of a mess that it is. His hands leave his sides, anxiously pressing palms first into the metal like it’ll ground him. An urge presents itself to rip it off its hinges and see it for himself rather than wait for verification, but he manages to remain steady where he stands. It’s about the same experience he’s had over the past two weeks of texting and calling to no avail. You’re not saying anything. You’re not denying his insecurities, you’re not soothing his temper, you’re not reflecting it, and you’re not engaging like he’s envisioned time and time again. You’re eluding him. You’re slipping past his fingers like liquid as he desperately grasps.

“Please, please, please say something.” His forehead leans into the surface, eyes shutting tight. “Tell me I’m not shit, tell me you never want to see me again, please talk to me.”

Please forgive me, he swallows. Please forgive me and take me back.

“Just… please… I… I want to fix this. I want to make it up to you. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Please don’t shut me out. I’ll make you something? Yeah? Your favorite? What about that place you wanted to go off Lake Shore? Or, or that movie you wanted to see with, uh, that Sweeney girl? What the fuck was it?” Carmen’s eyebrows knit together as he tries to remember the name. “We can go see it… we can go to dinner… I can make dinner. I can take time off work and we can travel somewhere, we can take a trip like you wanted, whatever—I want what you want. Please…? Hello?”

Carmen speaks your name a few times among his pleading. His forehead slowly detaches from the door, indents of the mesh left behind on his skin. He goes quiet to listen for any movement, but he can’t even hear your breathing like this. He can’t hear anything besides the wind picking up, blowing cold over the tips of his ears sticking out from his hat. He steps away from the door, a lump in his throat alongside all the affection he doesn’t know how to let out that he swallows with great difficulty. Instead of walking away from your house, he sits on the cement step leading up to the walkway. He meant it when he said he wouldn’t leave until you talked to him.

He camps outside your house. One hand fishes for his carton of Sapphires, plucking a cigarette from the box. He’s got about two left since he’s been chain-smoking to fill the void. Carmen greatly considers trying to make his plea again on his knees in front of the door if that’s what it’ll take as he lights the end away from his mouth. The pressure of the cement will be a motherfucker, but he’s concocting another game plan to gain your attention since he’s already here and the walk back to his apartment is too long for him to jump at it. If that doesn’t work, then he can leave and come back in the morning before work. He can afford to be slightly late as his normal is showing up early and Sydney and Tina know the prep work that needs to be done.

All his thoughts fade as he hears the door behind him creak. He glances back suddenly, catching it as it slowly swings open. He’s in the midst of standing to his feet and flicking his cigarette into a patch of dirt when you come into view. Your hair’s messy, a white tank top on your torso, and a pair of fleece pajama pants he knows are new. His hands yearn to become acquainted with them as he has your other bottoms. Carmen stares at how you’re hugging yourself, presumably because the cold air is filtering into your warm house. The goosebumps littered over your biceps and forearms confirm his theory.

He’s on you in an instant. His arms wrap firmly around your frame, sighing out as his stress undergoes the mitigation of your own arms embracing him back. Your hand finds his hair, incidentally causing his hat to fall off to the floor, but he doesn’t care. He’s far too busy stamping your temples, cheeks, jawline, and lips with kisses he has weeks of time to make up for.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles into your hairline, “so, so, so sorry. Missed you.”

[itsphoenix0724]

Hold Me Gently (Azriel x Reader)

Summary: Azriel knew exactly what he signed up for when he became the court's spymaster, but sometimes everything gets too much for him to handle.

Warnings: Smut, angsty, negative thoughts about oneself, some dark stuff mentally

Word count: 1.6k

Bonus Chapter!

A/N: Hi loves! I'm excited to put this out for you guys I've been working on it for kind of a hot minute. Please read the tags carefully. I hope you all enjoy it, and as always constructive criticism is welcome. Plus I've got a special surprise coming in December that I may announce later this week so keep a look out. <3

Azriel swore sometimes he could still hear the screams that echoed off the stone walls of the Hewn City rattle around in his brain for days. Rhys had been clear this time. 

Get the information through whatever means necessary, no matter what. 

So that’s exactly what he had done, and it had taken hours. He sent Rhys a message with the information and winnowed directly into your bedroom. He knew you were downstairs in the kitchen because he had sent his shadows earlier to watch you, but he couldn’t bear to have you look at him right now. To have you look at him like he was the most amazing thing in the universe when you had no idea what horrors he committed just an hour earlier. Azriel hides his shame from the portrait of his mating ceremony, turning away from even your painted adoration. He is not the smiling male in that picture. He is not the male who deserves to put his blood-stained hands around your waist. He doesn’t deserve any of it. Not your kindness, not your comfort, not your kiss, or your smile. Not when he spent half the day ripping a man apart. 

Maybe that male had a mate waiting at home too. 

He sneaks carefully into the bathroom, turning the bathtub's faucet to boiling and letting the tub fill. Az peels off his leathers layer by layer, and they hit the clean white tile with a sickeningly wet sound, none of the blood is his. As he watches the red slowly seep onto the floor he knows that the tile’s just another thing he’s ruined. 

He wishes he could peel his skin off as well. 

Azriel sinks slowly into the tub, letting the sting of the hot water work every muscle. He wanted to erase everything, to let the water cleanse away his disgusting actions. His shadows send a whisper of you humming quietly from the kitchen and he almost bursts into tears. How had the cauldron given him someone someone so gentle? How did you wake up in their bed every day and not know you slept next to a monster? Az sinks under the surface, unable to bear the rushing in his head, and doesn’t come back up until his lungs are screaming for air. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You knew something was wrong when your mate didn’t immediately come to see you after returning from his mission. You had heard the faucet start to run while chopping vegetables for dinner, and you assumed Az was quickly rinsing off before he joined you. After half an hour had passed you started to become concerned. You knew your mate, and even though he never told you specifics, he sometimes needed time after his return from the Hewn City. You silently creep up the stairs of your home, avoiding all the creaking floorboards that might tip Azriel off. You swing open the bedroom door, but he is nowhere to be found the only evidence of him is a trail of blood that sends your heart into overdrive. You follow it to your bathroom door, now more worried about his safety than anything. The bond beating in your chest is dark, and it has been since Az left your bed this morning. Throwing open the door you’re met with a wall of crushing darkness. You fight through the swirling blackness, trying to call Azriel’s name, but you can’t see two feet in front of you. A rouge shadow comes to circle your wrist dragging you to your mate’s hunched form in the bathtub, base instinct takes over as you climb into the water hissing as the burning water scalds your thighs. “Azriel,” You call his name, taking his head in your hands. His hazel eyes seem unfocused like he’s looking through you than at you. “Az,”  you rush out again. “Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?” You tilt his head this way and that way before scanning the rest of his body. You shake him at the shoulders trying to get him to see you. Finally, as if Az just realized you were there, he looks at you. 

“The blood isn’t mine.” is all he says before his head thumps back against the porcelain as if it’s too heavy to hold on his own. Your shoulders sag in relief. “You shouldn’t be in here. Go back downstairs I’ll be there in a minute.” He runs the wet silk of your nightgown in between his fingers. You have no intention of leaving this bathtub until you figure out what's wrong with your mate.

“What’s happened?” You push running your fingers through the threads of his inky black hair. “Did the mission not go well?” Azriel scoffs, looking unbothered, but you can see the muscles in his throat tightening with effort to keep something hidden. You try to pull at the bond again, begging him to lower the obsidian shields he builds around himself, his hands shake with the effort of keeping them impenetrable. He still avoids your eyes, yet you try again refusing to yield. “Sweetheart…” you whisper softly and the Shadowsinger cracks before you. His walls rush down and crash against you like a tsunami, the wave of self-hatred that he had been holding in barrels against you with enough force to bring down the mountains. Silver lines his hazel eyes and your heart almost cracks in two. Wrapping your arms around Azriel you cradle him to your body, his hands tighten around your waist seeming torn between pulling you closer and pushing you away. His shoulders shake with the force of his sobs and all you can do is keep stroking his hair and make soothing sounds, trying to calm him down enough to speak. Az takes a shuddering breath, but the tears still stream down his face. You chase them away with the pads of your fingers. 

 “I do not deserve you,” he grinds out, voice rusty from the tears. You rub soothing circles into the joints of his shoulders and it makes Azriel want to throw up. “I am the monster mothers warn their children about at night. I’ve committed horrors that should make you run away in terror” You shake your head with feverance. 

“I would never run from you Azriel. There is nothing too dark or too ugly that would make me love you any less. I promise you I can handle it.” Azriel does nothing but collapse back against you shaking his head back and forth. “Just talk to me please.” He takes a deep inhale, trying to calm his racing heart. 

“I bled a male dry today. Rhys needed information, and he was harder to break than anticipated.” It’s all the information Az is willing to give. You have to stamp down the fury rising in your own chest. Both at Rhysand for putting your mate through this and at the Hewn City itself. 

You’d tear this court apart brick by brick for making Azriel feel like he’s less than deserving of his life. 

You’ll have to talk with Rhys later because for now, your focus is Az and Az alone. You refuse to allow him to continue to carry on like this, cursing yourself for not realizing the effects of this position wearing on him sooner. 

“Look at me.” You pull his jaw towards you, forcing him to meet your eyes “There is no universe where you are not deserving of happiness. You have a job to do, and I understood that when I accepted this bond. I do not fear you, I do not balk from you, and I do not love you any less because of that.” The bond sings with light as the weight finally starts to leave your mate's shoulders. Golden eyes study you intensely before he hauls you against him in one fluid motion and crashes his lips to yours. He tastes like burning whiskey, and kisses you so fiercely you’re afraid your lips might bruise. You hold him together the best you can, afraid that if you let him go he will shatter into pieces before you. “Are you sure you want this right now?” You ask, you’ll give Az whatever he needs, and if he needs a distraction from his head then you’re happy to provide it to him. He nods, leaning down to press his lips to your collarbone. You run your hands along his back grinding yourself into him, and pour love and devotion down your side of the bond to him. His hardness presses against you as he nudges aside the scraps of lace before sheathing himself into the hilt. You let Azriel take what he needs, fucking you on his length, rocking you back and forth. He’s hitting the spot inside you that makes you see stars with such force water sloshes over the edge of the tub, washing away the blood from Azriel’s leathers. You run your hands along the edge of his wing and he roars, one hand almost cracking the porcelain of the bathtub. He changes his pace to pure brutality, using you like no more than a toy. Your thighs shake with the effort to keep yourself upright. He’s ruthless in the way he moves like a hungry predator finally tearing into its kill. Your orgasm tears through you with blinding energy, and you unravel faster than you’d like to admit, but Az always manages to have that effect on you. He loses himself soon after you, tumbling over the edge with so much force he rips the bottom of your nightgown into ribbons. You stare at each other for a long moment, relishing in the afterglow and grateful for the hot water in the tub. 

“I’m sorry for ripping your nightgown,” Azriel rumbles and you laugh a beautiful golden sound. 

“You can buy me a new one later,” you promise, “but for now let me wash your hair.” 

[rain0tes]

Hi hi love your hacker reader a bit too much it's great!! What would be their reaction to sir pentious trying to join the hotel? And the little eggbois once he starts staying there for real?

Hacker!reader's reaction to Sir Pentious trying to join the hotel.

Hacker!reader actually comes in after the heaven vs. hell battle, when Pentious has already been redeemed. This is an alternate scenario where you've been in the hotel a few weeks before Pentious makes an appearance.

Warnings: mature language and jokes, mentions of violence (although nothing too explicit), all the obvious hazbin stuff

You've been at the Hazbin Hotel for a few weeks. Although not fully convinced by the idea of redemption, having a roof over your head while easing into your new life (or afterlife) was nice.

You find a friend in most of the other wayward souls in the hotel, especially Charlie, who was more than excited when you show up.

The actual story starts when Pentious comes crashing into the hotel the first time. Literally.

You were having tea with Alastor out on the balcony when you feel the ground below yourself shake.

"Show yourself, Alastor."

That earns the radio demon a side eye from you, which he only shrugs at.

You see the others go outside in your peripheral, wanting to check out what the commotion was about. You shrug and head down as well, actually using the stairs since not everyone can just warp through shadows.

You stand beside Alastor, squinting at the giant blimp as they conversed.

"When I've slain you, the almighty Vee's will finally acknowledge me as their equal."

"Ooh! Wait, who are the Vee's?"

"Aren't they that tacky trio with the crap network security?"

"They're no one important."

One beating later, Pentious is on the ground after Alastor has decimated his war-blimp...thing.

"Thanks for another forgettable experience."

"Thank...you...for letting your guard down! Haha!"

Pentious rips off a part of Alastors suit, causing you to physically wince.

"Ah, you shouldn't have done that."

You can't help but chuckle when you see him get sent flying.

"Looks like team rockets blasting off again."

You expected that to be the last time you'll be seeing of him (at least in a while), but it seems that fate has other plans when someone comes knocking on the hotels doors only six hours later.

Vaggie was the one to answer, and he almost got skewered upon sight. Charlie seemed excited that he showed up, tho, and somehow you're not surprised.

"Are you fucking nuts? This chump was trying to kill us like, literally six hours ago?"

"Yeah, exactly, are you seriously gonna let this pathetic loser live with us?"

They did, IN FACT, let the boyfailure in the hotel. You weren't too happy about it, and neither was angeldust (bonding through a common enemy).

You can't help but feel that something was odd about him, sensing an electrical device on him that was certainly not a phone. You remained quiet for the time being, if only to please Charlie by playing along with her activities (even if they did make you cringe just a tiny little bit).

You watch him slither sometime in the middle of the night, prompting you to follow him as you take a sip out of a monster energy can.

"A camera? Wow, that's pretty cheap. Certainly doesn't help my already low expectations of the Vee's"

Yeah, you caught him in the act when he was placing the camera. Angeldust already behind you, confronting Pentious while you pick up the device.

You take a screwdriver out of your pocket, disabling the thing but not damaging it, all while the two fight beside you.

Pentious immediately calls for backup once he's been outed to Vaggie and Charlie, only for Vox to laugh in his face.

"If they don't kill you, go ahead and do it yourself you miserable failure."

You immediately snatch the smartwatch. He may be right, Pentious certainly was a failure. But you've already decided that you're the only one who gets to insult him.

"Listen here, you musty little bitch. You either shut the fuck up or I do it for you."

He's tearing up as you throw the meanest sentences he's ever heard to Vox. Some of them even sound poetic to some degree.

"Two thousand years of constant human evolution only to make some simple minded cunt."

Immediately refers to you as his best friend after this. You waged war on an overlord of hell for him. There's no take backsies.

For once, there's someone in the hotel who's not actively looking out for you, but you're the one looking out for him instead.

You two would share ideas ALL the time.

One thing you'd accomplish together is making a clone of you. He made the android, you made the A.I it would run on.

"Would it technically be mastur-"

"Don't you dare continue that sentence."

The main difference is that the Vee's know who you are in this one. Actively waging war against them instead of remaining anonymous. All because you've decided that the weird boyloser snake is actually kind of endearing.

I might make another part to this one where the reader participates in the hell vs heaven battle.

(masterlist)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

hey y'all, i pretty much know that i'm the asshole big time- but i'm not sure what to do about it. i know i need to shift my perspective, especially because i'm not sure what to do going forward... or how to meaningfully apologize, so I think i need some outside judgement.

AITA for wanting to possibly return to speaking terms with someone i cheated with?

about 1.5 years ago one of my best friends (i'll call him R, we're all 20 now) confessed to me while I had a bf- R said he knew i wasn't into him but asked me to kiss him once. i felt really bad and didn't feel anything for him, so i said yes and we briefly kissed. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal until I told my boyfriend right afterwards and he got really upset in a way i now see i was really understandable. i've come to see the situation as cheating, but I think fundamentally we had a different view of it at first. my bf asked me to not be alone with him anymore or talk to him outside of groupchats (i was in a friend group of 3 people, R me and another guy). I tried really hard to follow through on this but in reality- i just didn't want to cut off one of my best friends- there were times I went against my boyfriend's wishes and slowly I let up and saw him/talked alone more. I would tell my boyfriend about it and he would be hurt by it and I would feel horrible, but I didn't put up a hard boundary. I hated myself for it, but I didn't feel like R was actually a problem, rather that the problem was my lack of respect for my bf. A month or two later, all of us moved away to different colleges. After two months of long distance and continuing to talk to R on the phone sometimes, my boyfriend left me citing that as one of the reasons.

I realized I should have valued my bf more and I stopped talking to R (basically ghosted him), but he contacted me on another platform and asked if I was okay and I realized that he was a true friend in a lot of ways. When we hung out on winter break at home, we were chilling and he kind of made a joke asking me to sleep with him. I said no very loudly because I'm not into him like that and I was still hung up on my bf. Meanwhile, after 2 months of no contact, me and my bf had started to talk again very tentatively (i had tried really hard to instigate it which, sometimes i feel bad about not leaving him in his peace- but I was having a really hard time accepting the breakup). I realized there was something I really needed to do to show him I was serious and I sent R a text saying we couldn't be friends anymore citing some lame reasons and the whole 'sleep together' thing.

After that, R didn't contact me and I felt like it was sad, but kind of a blessing because I got to focus on building trust between my bf and I and we eventually got back together.

Anyways, in the past year, the relationship has been steadily getting more comfortable and I hadn't had any contact with R or cheated since (I kind of believe once a cheater always a cheater, so this is an accomplishment. I really don't want to hurt my bf like that again.)

Okay here's the sucky part though (as if the rest wasn't already sucky of me) i was posting tiktoks for the first time this week and, little did i know, the algorithm was showing them to people who had my number. I got a call from an unknown number and a text that said "can we talk." I realized from the chat history it was R, whose number i deleted. I didn't answer, but a part of me really wanted to.

I missed him and I felt bad for leaving the friendship the way it was, I was also really curious as to why he was contacting me now?? But I knew I needed to tell my bf before I did anything. He said he would feel more comfortable if I didn't respond and I kind of agreed- but I said I was going to think about it and that I would tell him explicitly before I did anything.

Then the next day I got another call from a random number with my hometown area code- I thought there was a possibility it was R and decided to just act in the moment and let fate decide- I answered and it was him. It was kind of scary, but also exciting and didn't feel wrong in my body. He was weirdly casual just saying hi and that he saw my tiktoks and missed me, we ended up talking like old friends- like the time that had passed had healed some of that old stuff. He told me i was the best friend he ever had, and I remembered all kind of good things about our friendship. I also was able to apologize for ghosting him- if not super well. I knew while we were talking that my bf was not going to be comfortable with this and that I was unsure about what to do going forward and I think R kind of knew that was the case too, so it was also very awkward. when we hung up, it was clear I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to be his friend again.

When I told my bf as soon as i got off the phone, he was understandably very upset, even more so when I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep talking to R in the future. I feel really bad for hurting him, I was really mainly thinking about my own feelings. Now he and I are trying to resolve things, but I'm ashamed to say I don't know how I can make it better. I've told him that, even though it's not necessarily what I want, I'm willing to block R again, but I don't think it feels satisfying to either of us. my bf and I have been dating for 4 years now (with that break at 3 yrs) and he means so much to me, I don't want to bring us back to a place of distrust, but part of me feels like this was kind of pent up while I had R blocked. i've never ended a friendship with anyone before or blocked someone, so it all feels really weird to me, but I can imagine that my bf must feel really betrayed by my continued unsureness.

also R and my bf used to be friends for like 5 yrs- then R and I were close for 1 yr. my bf has said he felt left out by that and that he felt like R was a jerk to him while they were friends, so that's an element of it as well.

if you've read this far, thanks so much- advice? AITA? I've spent so much time feeling like scum for the way I handled the situation and while I have to love myself through it- I don't want to keep mishandling it- was answering the call all that bad, do I need to totally forget about talking to R?

What are these acronyms?

[demonpiratehuntress]

hi hello dearie, hope this finds you well <3 i’ve been reading some of your Ace content for DAYS cuz is ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT and i have a hyperfixation for the man.

i have this oddly specific request if you’re taking requests ofc asksnakxm

ace and the reader meet each other when he saved her from potentially being killed by some random ruthless and murdering pirate, she was in that situation because he had killed some of her friends but that’s not the issue AKSNWKSB the thing is she gets mad because Ace saved her so she said sum “i was content with the fact that i was going to die, i didn’t need your saving” and he’s just stunned cuz? he just saved her???? two days later she thanks him but she tries to escape many times from the ship and those many times Ace ruined her plans so after a week of trying she gives up. THEN two years later they confess their feelings for each other after a day of Ace following her like a puppy and teasing her nonstop until she gives in

ODDLY SPECIFIC IM SO SORRY 😭😭 but it’s okay if you can’t do it <3

hi! thank you so much 😊 also im so so sorry this took so long! I've just been really busy! but i hope you enjoy this! to everyone else, i am still working on the other requests! i have much more than i realised 😂 but i will get them out...eventually

taglist - @kabloswrld

stubborn

Portgas D. Ace x F!Reader

summary - the ask above! :)

warnings - mild angst

Run.

That's all you could think of, all you could do. There was no time or space to do anything else, and your body had already kicked into the fight-or-flight response. You weren't sure how far you could get, but you were desperate to get away.

The gory images of your friends lying sprawled out on the ground, drenched in blood, made itself a home in your mind. You would never be able to forget that, no matter how hard you tried. Swallowing back a sob, you sprinted towards the town as fast as your tired legs could carry you.

"Where do you think you're going, huh?"

A solid wall of muscle slammed into you from the side and sent you flying. You hit an actual wall with a sickening crunch, pain erupting throughout your entire arm. Dislocated shoulder or broken arm, you couldn't tell which one through the blinding agony. You screamed, more so out of pain than wanting someone to hear. You already accepted your fate, the minute he found you. But that didn't make it any less painful.

"I think I'm going to enjoy this kill the most."

A large hand grabbef a fistful of your hair, yanking you upwards to meet his cold, murderous eyes. He was grinning wickedly, taking pleasure in your pain, and watched you squirm in his grip helplessly.

"If you're going to kill me, just get it over with!" You spat, not knowing where the bravery came from because of the immense pain emanating from your injured limb.

He tutted, "No, you gave me too much trouble. I'm going to make this slow and painful, just for you."

"Now that's no way to treat a lady."

A bright orange light filled your vision, but you couldn't tell what it was as you were suddenly dropped, the man who'd murdered your friends letting out a pained yelp. You lifted your head, dots swimming in your vision, but you were able to make out the familisr form of flames dancing along the man's chest.

"Judging from all the blood on your clothes, I'm gonna guess you went a little crazy tonight," another man was saying, but he sounded childishly amused. "Well, too bad it ends for you right here."

You turned to look at the owner, just as he flicked his wrist and sent more fire the murderous pirate's way. Pretty soon he was engulfed in flames, screaming and pawing at his clothes while trying to extinguish them. You couldn't care less, observing the man who'd saved your life.

He was tall and muscular, pale skin lit up by the ball of fire hovering above his palm. No, wait, his hand WAS the ball of fire. He was shirtless, wearing nothing but black shorts, black boots and a red cowboy hat.

You'd seen him somewhere before...

"Ah, good. I thought that might take a while."

You turned back to the man who'd killed your friends and had been chasing you up until now, only to see a crumpled black heap on the floor a few feet away. Your eyes widened, before you were suddenly lifted up into a pair of strong arms.

"I didn't need your help," you blurted out, "I was ready to die! I didn't want to be saved!" Tears formed in your eyes. You had nothing left. You should have died.

Ace frowned, his heart sinking. Your words brought a familiar feeling back to him, one that he hasn't forgotten but had tried to push away after finding a family in the Whitebeard pirates. He knew what it was like to feel the way you did, and it tugged at his heartstrings to find someone else like that.

Someone who didn't want saving, but desperately needed it.

He's so shocked that he almost forgets you need medical treatment. When he finally remembers, he says nothing and hurries back to the ship with you, his mind racing.

-

Two days later, your arm is in a sling and you're walking around the Moby Dick looking for the raven-haired commander that saved your life. The crew was friendly enough to you, and Marco had suggested more bedrest, but you wanted to see and thank Ace.

It was true that you wanted to die, yes, but after facing the kindness of someone you didn't even know, your mind had slowly changed. You were starting to feel grateful towards him, grateful for being alive.

"Hey! You're awake!"

You turned at the sound of the cheery man, spotting him coming your way. You relaxed slightly, not sure why you were so tense to begin with but relieved to see him.

"Yeah," you breathed out, "Your doctor works wonders."

"That he does," Ace grinned, before eyeing you up and down, "You look a lot better. I didn't get your name, though."

"Oh, it's (Name)," you told him, "You're Portgas D. Ace, right? Second Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates?"

"That's me. Glad to know I'm popular with pretty women," he flirted, sending you a smile that knocked the air out of your lungs.

You blushed, flustered, "Well I-I just wanted to say...thank you. I hadn't realised it before, but I didn't really want to die. Just thought I had no one left, and nowhere to go. So thank you for changing that."

Ace's smile only grew, so much so you feared it would tear his face in two, "You're welcome! If I'm being honest, I was glad to play hero for a beautiful woman."

Your blush deepened, his charms affecting you in a way that nothing else and no one else ever had. You found yourself at a loss for words, but thankfully he was called away so you didn't have to say anything else.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

-

The first time you tried to escape, you didn't realise they had a rotational watch schedule. And you hadn't realised that Ace was the one who was on watch that evening.

"Hey, (Name)! Where ya going?"

He smiled at you innocently enough, but his eyes told you he knew exactly what you were trying to do. After all, he'd done the same thing back when he joined. You were just too similar to him.

"Uh...nowhere?" You tried to lie, but you sucked at it. You couldn't even convince a potato if you tried.

"Hmm," he clicked his tongue. "This won't do. Maybe I should just tell Whitebeard, or should I keep this to myself in hopes that it doesn't happen again?"

You agreed to the latter.

The second time, Ace was actually sneaking out of the kitchen with some food when he bumped into you. He raised his eyebrow as your eyes widened, your face giving away your intentions entirely.

He tsk'ed, "Again, (Name)?" He pouted. "You promised, you know."

You sighed and went back to your room, dejected. You could hear him laughing as he walked past your room, and you rolled your eyes as you laid back down to sleep.

The third time, Ace was prepared.

And he had made a trap for you. Which you fell right into, which is why you were now wriggling around in one of the smaller boats, wrestling with a net.

"This is getting old, you know," Ace chuckled as he loomed over you. "Trust me, I know all the tricks. I was you once."

After the fourth and fifth times, you gave up. Ace wasn't going to let you leave, and as the days went by and you got closer to him and the crew, you found your will to leave slowly sapping away. You eventually realised you wanted to stay, having found a family and healed - if only a little bit - with the Whitebeard crew.

One year passed, and you had almost forgotten about the man who'd tormented you. You'd had so much fun with the Whitebeard Pirates, Ace in particular, that you hadn't thought much of the incident. It was getting easier and easier to rid your mind of the gruesome image of your deceased friends month after month. Each adventure left you happier, lighter, and you soon found yourself finding happiness once more.

The pirate life was truly meant for you.

Two years passed, and your time with the Whitebeard crew had become the best of your life. They were practically your family now, and you spoke about and to them as such. You never forgot what happened to you, but you barely thought of it anymore. Not when your head was filled with thoughts about a certain 2nd division commander, with whom you'd fallen in love.

"Ace, stop!" You giggled as he scooped up some batter from the bowl you were mixing it in. You were baking cookies, but Ace was determined to be a menace and sneak in fingerfuls of batter each time you looked away.

"Can't help it," he whined, "It already tastes so good!"

"I haven't even baked it yet!"

"Well then imagine how amazing it'll taste after that!"

You knew he was trying to flatter you to get out of trouble, but you did not care because it was working. And you hated that it always worked, especially with him, because he made your heart race and gave you butterflies.

The days following that included Ace following you around, which you found a little strange since you didn't know why. He would never tell you the reason, always saying something stupid like "you smell good" or "im your bodyguard". You knew he was doing it to tease you, but you couldn't help feeling giddy over the fact that he was choosing to gift YOU with all of his attention.

"Okay, come clean for real this time," you finally approached him one night he was on watch, sitting down next to him. "Why have you been following me around? Teasing me all day, everyday?"

He turned to you, thinking for a moment before speaking seriously for the first time in his life, "Because I'm in love with you, (Name). I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure how you'd react or what you'd say, but that's what it is since you wanted to know so badly."

Your eyes went wide, heart thumping like a drum in your chest, "You...you're in love with me?"

He nodded, looking down at his shorts, "I am. These past two years, getting to know you...well, I never really considered the idea of love. But finding you changed that. We're so alike, but also different in ways that complement each other. If that makes sense, I'm not sure it does."

"It does," you smiled slowly, looking out over the water. "And that's really sweet. No one's ever said something so sweet to me before."

"Really? I find that hard to believe, you're so pretty and cute."

Cue the blush, "Yeah, well, I didn't really like anyone before you," you admitted. "Never paid attention to men much, until you barged into my life." You laughed. "You've made me feel so welcome, so comfortable, so happy. You've given me a sense of peace after what happened, and I'm so thankful to you for that. You saved me in more than one way, Ace, and I'm madly in love with you for it."

Your confession took a bit of time to register in his head, but once it did he was smiling goofily and grasping your hand in his. You rested your head on his shoulder, smiling as the two of you spent the whole night holding hands, watching the ocean, and - your favourite part - sharing many heartfelt, intimate kisses.

You were eternally grateful to and for Ace, the man who'd saved you without your permission but eventually earned your heart.

[pacifymebby]

Stormy Weather

Warnings: vague breeding kink, very nsfw

Thank you to the anon that sent me this idea I've been obsessing for weeks.

🍀🌿🍀🌿

The walls of your little vardo creaked as the storm raging outside rocked your little sanctuary on its wheels. With every gust of wind the wood which housed you, kept you safe from the battering rain, groaned and squeaked. In the sky above you flashes of lightning were followed by ominous rumbling growing more violent with every clap of thunder. As the wind howled the forest trembled but you and Bonnie barely noticed the bad weather, far too focussed were you both on other things.

Other things like each other.

In that moment, with your legs locked tightly around Bonnie's shoulders as he nuzzled into your neck and buried himself deeper inside you with every ragged thrust, the only sounds which mattered to either of you were the sounds you made as you came together once again...

Something had snapped inside you earlier that evening. Perhaps it had something to do with the weather... The four days of suffocating heat which had dragged out, stifling the English countryside as they scorched the land. The change in the air when on the fifth day clouds had rolled in and the earth had taken on that anticipatory dampness, the trees and the grass releasing pollen in preparation of the wind and the rain it could feel on the horizon so that the forest had smelt vibrant and alive... Heavy.

Perhaps it had been that anticipation, that rising tension which had bristled between every living creature, flora and fauna alike, a building static electricity...

Whatever it was it had gripped you both too tightly for you to bare for any length of time and though you'd tried to fight it something had snapped inside you when he'd come home from the town, a little sweaty from the hazy evening. And the sight of you with that longing in your eyes had been the last straw for him too. Having been thinking about you all day, losing himself to daydream after sordid daydream, he'd not been able to resist that look in your eyes.

You'd looked like you'd needed him. And he hadn't been able to resist you.

"C'mere sweetheart," he'd said pointing at the ground just in front of him as he'd dropped his dirty shirt at his feet, "let me get a good look at you eh?"

You'd come to him obediently, stopping just in front of him, looking up at him with a pretty little smile on your lips. With one hand cupping your cheek, the other grazing your hip, he held you as carefully as possessively.

"Look away from ye for a second and ye get even more beautiful than before... How'd ye do that?" He grinned, his thumb stroking your chin, resting in the dip of your dimple when you smiled wider and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him.

You couldn't speak for the blush glowing on your cheeks at his sweet words, all you could do was smile and hope to distract him with a kiss.

And of course once your lips had met his that final thread of composure holding you both together snapped for good and you hadn't pulled apart since.

"Y/N, my sweet little dove," he murmured breathless against your lips, his voice was low and gravelly and he sounded sweet as honey when he groaned your name through his high. You were trembling, the two of you shaking together, locked around one another, limbs tangled, forehead to forehead, his nose knocking against your nose as his tongue brushed over yours, "I love you so much angel," he said grinding his hips into yours so that you felt your cum mixing with his inside you as he fucked you deeper.

You were breathless, your chest bone glistening with a hazy sheen, little beads of sweat trickling over your neck, caught moments later by Bonnie's lips when he dragged his tongue over your pressure point in an open mouthed kiss.

He was insatiable with desire for you, even now, even when you both should have been tired out, collapsed in one anothers arms. Bonnie showed no signs of being worn out. Instead your shared orgasm only seemed to spur him on and as you trembled with pleasure he held you in his strong arms and nuzzled into you.

Your moan shook as his teeth grazed your throat, his tongue tickling a little roughly over your smooth skin. He was a man addicted, obsessed with the sweet sounds only he could pull from your lips and as he pulled slowly out of you, your cunt tightening desperately around him, the gasp you snatched upon his returning thrust made him all the more determined.

He wasn't quite done with you yet.

"Think you can manage another for me sweet girl?" He whispered, his voice low and teasing as he trailed kisses along your jaw.

You felt so fragile then, your breaths short and shallow, your thighs aching from having been forced open for so long. Your muscles sore and trembling. Your tummy scrunched as his words left that butterfly tension toying with you. You could barely speak around the pleasure his every thrust sent rippling through your body, his hips still grinding against yours, but for him you managed a little whimper.

"Tell me with your words little dove," he chuckled affectionately as he stilled for a moment. You held his bicep to steady yourself, stroked your palm down over his muscular arm until your hand found his and his fingers locked with yours. Your other hand resting on his chest you looked up at him in a breathless, desperate awe.

"Yes Bonnie..." you managed, your voice so soft he couldn't help but reach up to caress your glistening cheek tenderly.

You were shaking beneath his touch, so completely dependent on him and he loved it. Loved the power he had over you in moments like this when his every move sent you teetering closer to the edge.

"Good girl," he breathed dipping his head to kiss your nose as he ground his hips into yours once more before dragging himself slowly from between your legs.

When you whimpered, trying your best to lock your legs around his waist and trap him there he just chuckled. Smoothed his hand up your inner thigh and pushed your legs open a little wider so that he could move.

And when he did you felt yourself flush, suddenly self conscious realising that you were laid out on display for him and his eyes were trailing every inch of your body, admiring the view.

For a moment he froze, in awe of your glistening figure, your legs pushed apart and trembling, your muscles already so tired out. Your cunt sleek, your thighs stained with the silky sheen of your cum.

He reached out to you carefully, admiring the way you flinched before acquiescing to his touch, letting him graze two fingers up your calf, tickling them behind your knee so that you shook and a tried to pull yourself away. But of course Bonnie was much stronger than you and one hand on your knee was all it took to put you right back where he wanted you.

He watched you with a hunger as he dragged his fingers slowly up your inner thigh, letting them glide between your lips as he gathered the cum which was leaking from your cunt and scooped it up. His thumb pressed down on your clit and held it's place leaving a warm tingle to resonate through your core as he used his two fingers to push the remainder of his cum inside your cunt. He wasn't one to let anything go to waste after all.

"Good girl..." he said again, his voice barely breaking a whisper as his eyes trailed your trembling body in awe, as if he were hypnotised, held hostage by the rise and fall of your chest, your breasts rippling with goosebumps as he hovered above you and his breath grazed your skin. "Open your eyes little dove," he whispered dipping his head to kiss your cheek, his lips pressed to the tip of your nose when he told you again. "Look at me sweetheart, let me see your pretty eyes.." he said gently as his fingers moved slowly pumping inside you.

He curled them just as your eyes fluttered open, getting a kick out of the dilation of your pupils when you locked eyes with him and another gasp left your parted lips.

"You're doing so well sweet girl," he hushed you, his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly as he began to trail his soft kisses down your neck and over your collar bones.

Your cunt pulsed around his fingers as he slipped a third inside you, your walls clenching needily as his thumb rubbed your clit in slow circles.

You could barely speak, your breaths shivery as he drew another sweet little moan from your lips. You could feel your heart beginning to race again, could feel that heat washing over you as you shook beneath his touch. But when you saw that dark look in his eyes you knew he was gripped with an all consuming desire just as you were. That no matter how tired you were or how desperate for that flooding relief you might feel, you were going to be patient for him. You were going to let him do whatever he needed to do to you.

More than that you were going to let him devour you and you were going to cherish every second of it.

You snatched another breath, so shallow as your heart flinched beneath his touch. His lips kissing down your body with a newfound determination. Every graze and nip a little needier than the last. And when his open mouth closed warm and wet around your hardened nipple you couldn't help the mewl and the whimper which tumbled from your lips as you squirmed beneath him. He was giving you so much, his fingers curling inside you rubbing your gspot with a purposeful determination. His tongue flicking over your nipple, swirling loving circles around you as he sucked it deeper into his warm mouth.

It was almost too much. Almost too good.

And as you writhed and whined beneath him he grinned proudly to himself, only pulling away from your body for long enough to remind you again how heavenly you looked. How pretty you sounded with his name on your lips.

"Bonnie..." you whined as he dragged his fingers from your cunt slowly only to silence you a moment later feeding you your juices, admiring the pretty way they glistened on your lips as you suckled on his fingers and blinked up at him with big teary eyes.

"Hold on for me angel, you're almost there..." he murmured gazing down at you in a fixated state of awe. His palm pushing your legs open wider as he ducked down between them, hovering so close to you that he could taste the salty sweet of your arousal on his inhale.

"Ahh," you cried out when he nuzzled between your thighs, his mouth closing over your clit, snatching it up in a warm suckle that sent a tug of desire through your nerves. You were only grateful for the storm raging outside drowning your desperate noises out.

Your thighs snapped shut around him, your hand rushing to his head, fingers curling in the tangle of his dark curls as you tried desperately to hold onto something, anything that would ground you in your moment of bliss.

Bonnie hummed with satisfaction as he slid his tongue between your folds, suckling gently on your lips as he kissed with a little more aggression. That hunger, that desire taking over completely.

It felt so good you could hardly breath and as you felt yourself dizzied by the pleasure he was laying on you you were grateful for his hand when it found yours. His fingers locking with yours, pushing yours down into the soft rug beneath you. Holding you in place firmly, rooting you gently as he kissed and licked at your trembling core bringing you closer to the edge with every flickering moment.

You could feel the desire building, that white heat gripping you, the knot tightening in your stomach as your thighs began to shake and a lower, more animalistic moan was dragged from you. You couldn't hold on any longer and as you began to whine and writhe beneath him you felt him grin against your core, his tongue swirling relentlessly around your swollen clit.

Your hand in his hair forced him down tighter against you as your hips began to grind into his open mouth and you felt yourself losing control. Feral with desire until finally that thread inside you snapped and you fell apart. Tears trickling down your cheeks as you cried out with pure pleasure and came undone completely.

Bonnie remained for a minute or two, his hand still holding yours, his thumb caressing your palm gently as his other hand smoothed over your thigh slowly. Everything about his movements sweet and soft as he kitten licked at your clit to bring you down gently. His kisses warm and soft too as he trailed a line from your core to your knee and then back up.

"Such a good, sweet girl..." he murmured as he pressed a kiss to your womb and let his lips linger as he smoothed his hand up your body to hold your hip. "So fuckin beautiful.." he said as he hovered above you and held your hand in his, holding your palm to his lips to kiss it softly. Letting his lips graze each of your finger tips. Gazing down at you with all the love in the world.

You closed your eyes, smiling despite your breathlessness, the rosy flush which had washed over your body and which stained your cheeks.

"Think I just died a little bit..." You whispered, your voice still feeble and shakey as you smiled and let out a self conscious little giggle.

A grin split across Bonnie's face then, his eyes lit up with pride as he settled down beside you, his fingers pushing your hair from your face. He took your chin between his thumb and fingers and guided your gaze to meet his, his eyes flickering over your features tenderly. And when he dipped his head to kiss your cheek he collected each of your tears with his lips and let you taste the salt when he met you for another tender kiss.

Taglist

@zablife @jomarch-wannabe @impossibleheartflower @inalovesrabbits-blog

@cocoaflowers @itsghostgirlyo

@marwwfairy @toddlerbodybag

@everysage

@tommyshelbyswhore

@kas3ylovesyou

@kxnnxy

@starrykitn

@call-sign-shark

@only-malala

@galactict3a

@darkcastle167

[corrodedseraphine]

you are not alone | one shot

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

story based on a request by a lovely anon: Steve works as a nurse and lives in a two bedroom apartment. He decided to put out an ad for a roommate and the reader finds it. She’s in desperate need of a place to stay after her father dies. It was just the two of them and she has to use almost all the money she makes working to pay off remaining medical bills.

The reader and Steve have a falling out within the first month of her living there but he keeps her around because she pays her part of the rent and keeps to herself. The two of them are usually throwing digs at one another.

Steve doesn’t realize the reader is going through so much financial stress and the loss of her father. She works two jobs (diner and bar) and is gone a lot. However, Steve starts to notice she hardly eats and sleeps and it’s taking a toll on her health.

One night when Steve gets home from his shift at the hospital he finds the reader fell asleep sitting at the bar in the kitchen. He goes up and puts his hand on her back to wake her and she gets startled. Steve steadies her and tries to calm her down. She’s still disoriented and dizzy. Steve carries her to the sofa and tries to check her vitals but she pushes him away. He lectures her for not eating and makes her eat something before letting her go to bed.

A few weeks later the reader gets sick and is really weak, so Steve takes care of her even though she tells him to leave her alone. In her vulnerable state she finally tells Steve what’s been going on.

An enemies to friends type of story with a soft and caring Steve once he realizes she needs help. angst, slight enemies to lovers, and they were roommates trope, fluff in the end, modern!AU

7 830 words

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

TW: mentions of: death, family member loss

Dear anon, thank you for your request and I really hope you won't be disappointed!

(I know you requested enemies to friends but I made it lovers instead, because the hopeless romantic inside me is desperate, I'm sorry)

steve harrington masterlist | general masterlist

"Aaand here's for another failed date." Eddie smirked and tilted the shot into his mouth, immediately followed by Robin, Steve and Chrissy.

"I'm so damn tired of this, man." Steve said and slumped helplessly on a soft chair in the corner of the living room. "Everything looks the same, movie, dinner, after dinner we go to my place, have sex and the magic is gone, she sneaks out in the middle of the night and the next day she doesn't answer any messages."

"Maybe you're too desperate?" Robin asked, he sent her a questioning look. "Think about it, it is said that true love comes suddenly and unexpectedly, while you, on the contrary, catch on to anything that moves."

"Robin!" Chrissy jabbed her in the arm.

"What!"

"Be nice!" the blonde rolled her eyes. "Maybe Steve has already met someone who will turn out to be more than a hook-up, and he doesn't know it? Look at us, all through high school we didn't exchange a word with each other, and now I can't imagine a day without your voice." She kissed her girlfriend on the forehead.

"You guys are disgusting." Steve scoffed.

"And you're jealous." replied Robin pulling Chrissy to her and kissing her deeply.

"Ah, ladies! Please spare poor Harrington tonight!" laughed Eddie, filling the glasses anew.

"Thank you, Eddie!" exclaimed the brunette immediately reaching for one. "Can we change the subject?"

"How's your roommate? Doesn't she mind your guests?" asked the metalhead.

"Nope." He waved his free hand and after a moment he brought up a shot. "She's practically not at home at all, and when she comes back it's at night and she sleeps, but when we see each other, exceptionally, she annoys me to the core."

"Why?"

"She constantly walks around fuming, looking at me as if I've committed a crime and getting any word out of her verges on the most miraculous."

"Maybe you made a bad first impression?"

"Then why didn't she refuse when I said she could move in?"

"I don't know, you said she looked desperate."

"It's like I'm living with a ghost who wakes up once every few days and slithers around the apartment in misery."

"Why does it bother you so much that she's quiet?" asked Chrissy suddenly.

"Yeah, blondie is right, I think it's better to have a quiet roommate than to have her be loud, insufferable and pick on everything. Especially the fact that you bring a different girl into your apartment every now and then." Eddie added.

"Oh my God, he's so annoyed because he wants her to talk to him, he wants more than just conversation!" Robin jumped up on the couch as if she had made the discovery of the year. "He likes her!"

"Oh fuck you! All of you!" the other three didn't miss the fact that he didn't deny Robin's theory, but decided to leave the subject for now.

The first month in the new apartment passed extremely quickly. Actually, you didn't quite feel the effects of moving out. Everything seemed to be behind a fog, and the days flew through your fingers turning into nights, and so on and so forth. The only thing that seemed painfully real was the longing and pain. These were the only things that reminded you that you were alive.

As you danced with a tray between tables at a nearby diner from early morning, and later in the evening served drinks to enamored couples at the bar, you didn't have much time to mourn. But that didn't change the fact that the void left in your life was heavy. As heavy as your eyelids, which began to close at the mere sight of your bed. Usually you don't even remember the moment you fall asleep, but today it wasn't so easy.

When you saw that the beginning nurse was looking for a roommate you thought you had managed to find someone calm and quiet. Unfortunately, reality turned out to be different. The frequent sounds of pleasure coming from his bedroom were not usually a problem for you, you quickly learned to simply ignore them or drown them out with music or a podcast. Nor were you bothered by the frequent visits of his friends, who brought chaos and disorder every time, not caring about the silence. Most of the time you weren't in the apartment at all because you were at work, but today they decided to have a movie night, which started with an argument about the choice of movie. Knowing that you wouldn't fall asleep with such entertainment, you exasperatedly got out of bed pulling on your sweatpants.

When you left the room everyone went silent and looked at you. You could see from their faces that they were just waiting for you to start shouting at them, but even though you really wanted to do it at that moment, you didn't have the strength. Exhausted after several hours of hard work as always, you didn't have the strength to do anything, so you passed them without a word, ignoring their attempts to say hello and offers to join them, and left the apartment. With a quick step, you went to the pharmacy located near your apartment, stocked up on a new pack of sleeping pills and went back to your place.

"Hey, y/n!" called out one of the younger boys, from what you associated was probably named Dustin. "Can you help us choose? Iron Man or the Amazing Spider-Man?"

You just rolled your eyes and, leaving him without an answer, went back to your room slamming the door behind you. Taking your pills you started getting ready for sleep again.

Lying in the darkness you listened to the conversation of Steve and his friends.

"See? She can't even say one word, I honestly can barely remember what her voice sounds like!" he said irritated.

"Come on, she looked tired." replied a female voice.

"Tired or not, she could at least answer! Out of politeness!"

"Let's just start the movie."

Then the voices quieted, and your thoughts grew louder. You thought about yourself from a few months ago.

The former you would have answered Dustin's question without hesitation and gladly accepted the invitation to join.

The former you would have been able to chat for hours with Steve from the very beginning and not push away every possible interaction on his part.

You knew it irritated him, he couldn't hide it. Every attempt to have any kind of conversation with you ended in failure, every attempt to get to know you better - spurned. You were not surprised by it. You were sure that the former you and your new roommate would get along very well. It's even possible that the former you would have noticed how his honey-colored eyes curiously followed you when you left the room, maybe she would have noticed the charming smile he sent you during the first days of your living together, and would have appreciated his willingness and interest in you. It is likely that the former you would also have taken an interest in Steve's person, in many ways. However, the former you no longer existed.

The present you was overtired and there was not a shred of energy in her.

The present you had far bigger worries than the handsome boy sitting behind the wall, whose sweet smiles turned into grimaces of annoyance and disgust.

Holding back the tears that rushed to your eyes, you looked at your phone. Six hours of sleep. You snuggled your face into your pillow hoping to fall asleep as soon as possible thanks to the pills. Lately, every minute of sleep was at a premium for you.

Days passed and the tension between you and Steve grew. He was irritated by the lack of willingness to communicate on your part, and you were irritated by the fact that he was irritated. Without actually saying too many words to each other, sometimes one unpleasant glance was enough for one or both of you to feel a strange surge of negative emotions. The climax turned out to be Saturday, when you were getting ready for your evening shift at the bar.

You were walking through the living room holding a glass of Coke in your hand when you tripped over one of the nursing textbooks scattered on the floor. A moment later, all that was heard was the sound of glass on the floor and a rather hard fall.

"What the fuck Steve?!" you exclaimed, looking down at your soaked clothes.

"What happened?" he ran out of the bathroom.

"I tripped over your stupid book! Is it so hard to clean up after yourself?"

"I'm studying, I just went to the bathroom for a moment!"

"And leaving your books on the floor was a great idea!" you said standing up.

"If you had watched where you were going nothing would have happened!" he tried to defend himself.

"If you had kept things in order then nothing would have happened!"

"How could I have known that just now you would mercifully leave the room?! I'm used to you not leaving it for a second!"

"Go to Hell Harrington!" you yelled.

"Feels like I am already in it!" he yelled back, grabbed his books and went to his room.

Angry, you changed your clothes and picked up the glass, then quickly mopped the floor after the spilled drink.

Despite the fact that you had already left the apartment and left him alone in it, Steve felt bad about this whole situation. He didn't know quite whether he was angry, disappointed or tired. Sitting over textbooks for several hours never worked well for him, and arguing with you made him even more upset.

Sighing deeply, he grabbed his phone, where a Tinder notification popped up on the screen. The beautiful long-haired blonde on the screen was smiling broadly at him, he didn't even remember when he swiped her to the right. Each successive match on the app was more and more meaningless to him, despite the fact that he could spend hours there looking for "the one". Eventually everything started to blend together, he could no longer remember what he was saying to whom and what he wasn't, remembering names wasn't his advantage either. He looked at the girl's profile for a while longer, but he decided that he definitely didn't feel like going on a date tonight. Instead he went to the kitchen and took out a full bottle of rum from the refrigerator. Putting it by his face, he took a picture and sent it to the group chat.

Steve the Stupidest: wanna join?

Eddie the Dumbest: my place in 20 minutes?

Chrissy the Sweetest: count us in!

Robin the Smartest: do we need to bring something?

Eddie the Dumbest: your asses to my house lol

Eddie the Dumbest: and snacks

Eddie the Dumbest: I won't let you in without snacks

"You told her that living with her is like living in hell?" Chrissy asked shocked.

"I didn't say it directly! I just said it felt that way!" Steve tried to defend himself. The bottle of rum was emptied in no time and, as standard, Steve brought the tracks back to you.

"Which is exactly the same as if you literally said 'Life with you is like hell." Robin rolled her eyes and threw popcorn at him.

"The real question is do you really feel that way?" asked Eddie.

"No." he answered without thinking. "But it's not heaven either! I don't know what it is, no one gets on my nerves like she does, but I on the other hand..." he didn't finish the sentence.

"I'm still of the opinion that you like her but for some strange reason you're acting like an eight-year-old and instead of admitting it, you're telling yourself that all you feel is annoyance." Robin said.

"I think you two would make an adorable couple." interjected Chrissy.

"Until she would kill me with a single stare." If the relationship between you two was better and more friendly, maybe he wouldn't even try to deny Robin's words.

"You're not in Heaven or Hell, so you could say you're roommates from Purgatory," laughed Eddie. "The only question is which way you'll go, up or down?"

"I have a strange feeling it's going dooown."

Even if the disagreement between you was still present, Steve had no plans to kick you out of the apartment. You always paid everything on time, did not interfere in his life, and, apart from occasional exchanges of words, did not cause any major problems. Over time, however, the atmosphere of irritation began to fade and was replaced by an acceptance of the fact that there would not even be a friendship between you. Not wanting to get in each other's way, you communicated with one another only on necessary matters.

That didn't change the fact that Steve was still observing you, and what he saw was beginning to worry him. Your pale face, blackened eyes and hunched posture betrayed your physical exhaustion. He also noticed that you weren't preparing any meals for yourself at all. In fact, he probably hadn't seen you cook anything once yet since you moved in. Sometimes when he prepared food for himself he would specifically make more to see if you would take what was left, but you never did a single time.

The autumn weather was not one of the best, it was definitely the type of weather during which the only thing to do was to wrap up in a warm blanket, turn on a favorite TV series and drink a big mug of hot chocolate. That was the plan that popped into Steve's head when he walked into the apartment after a long and tiring shift at the hospital.

Putting down his rain-wet umbrella in the hallway, he pulled off his jacket and hung it on a hanger. To his surprise, your jacket was also hanging there. This surprised him because you were always still at work at this hour. Walking deeper into the apartment he saw you sitting at the kitchen counter, your hands and head were resting on its surface. Without saying hello, he entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, thinking only about the chicken salad he had made yesterday. When out of the corner of his eye he didn't notice any movement on your part he turned to look at you. Only from this perspective could he see that you were asleep. In your numb hand thete was a mug of tea.

"Y/n?" he asked quietly. You didn't respond. He slowly took the mug out of your hand. The tea in it was already cold. How long had you been sitting there like this? Concerned, he placed his hand on your back and repeated your name several more times.

Awakened, you jumped up on the bar stool almost falling off it, fortunately your roommate reacted quickly enough to prevent this and hold you up.

"Hey, it's just me, just Steve." he said, and furrowed his brow. His voice was calm and a little quieter than usual. "Are you all right? Are you feeling sick?" he asked, and instinctively began to bring his hand closer to your forehead to check for signs of fever, but you, seeing this, immediately pulled away and jumped off the stool. This, unfortunately, was not the best idea, as you were still disoriented by your sudden awakening, and prolonged fatigue and irregular, not very hearty meals definitely weakened your body causing dizziness, which you also felt now and lost your balance.

"Woah!" the brunette once again grabbed your shoulders protecting you from falling. "Come on, sit down on the couch." this time without objection you moved towards the couch which stood nearby, due to the fact that your living room was connected to the kitchen. Steve followed you step by step supporting you. He kept one hand on your back and the other on your arm. "Are you sick? dizzy?" he began to ask when you sat down.

"I'm fine, Steve, just tired." you said, hoping he would give you a break. Meanwhile, a gurgling sound came from your stomach.

"And probably hungry." he raised one eyebrow.

"Just want to go to sleep." you scoffed.

"I have some chicken salad left over, I won't be able to eat it all myself, and it would be a shame to throw it away, maybe you'd like some?" he offered, carefully watching your reaction. He was increasingly convinced that during the day you either eat nothing, or so little that your body can barely manage to provide you with any energy to function. However, given your distant relationship, he couldn't just bombard you with questions and force you to eat like he would have done with Robin or Dustin. He had to do it slowly and calmly.

"Yeah, okay." you said quietly as the gurgling of your stomach resounded a second time.

He immediately went back to the fridge and quickly put the food on plates hoping you wouldn't notice that you got a larger portion. Handing you a plate, he sat down next to you and turned on the TV, the sound of which filled the silence between you.

"That was really good, thank you." you said quietly.

"No problem, I'm glad I didn't have to throw it away." he smiled slightly. "Feeling better?" he asked.

In response, you only nodded your head. You got up from the couch and picked up the plates to wash them, his eyes were following your movements to the kitchen.

Watching you, he thought about the fact that this was your first meal together since you moved in. Satisfied with the result that it didn't end in an argument or that you didn't reject his offer, he felt a little more confident. This small success pushed him forward, so when you started washing the dishes, he decided to take a chance.

"What did you eat at work today?" the question knocked you out a bit.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm just curious." He shrugged his shoulders, but you didn't see it because you were standing with your back turned.

"A sandwich." you replied not thinking much. You felt strange with the fact that this was your first conversation not about bills or household chores. The first one you had actually allowed him to have.

"Only?"

"I didn't have time at work to eat."

"One sandwich all day? Are you crazy? You need to eat more!" And so much for calmness and slowness. He knew he shouldn't get carried away and didn't want it to sound like an attack, but unfortunately it was too late. Why did he care this much about you awnyway? All the walls that you lowered down for that brief moment rose again.

"I'm fine." you said dryly clenching your teeth.

"I found you sleeping on the kitchen counter, it's obvious that you're overtired and hardly eat anything at all, do you even take care of yourself in any way?"

"It's none of your business." Suddenly all the fatigue is gone from you, replaced, by anger, instead. Who did he think he was to lecture you?

"You are irresponsible." he concluded and got up from the couch.

"Just shut up, Steve, you're not my father to lecture me." You replied in an overtired voice.

"Then maybe you should call him and make him realize that his daughter can't take care of herself!" He was already heading towards his room, but suddenly, he was stopped by the clatter of dishes. He noticed how your shoulders were moving faster and faster, picking up the pace of your breathing. You turned off the water and, without a word, walked away from the sink, standing straight in front of him. Your eyes were big and full of tears, looking at him with a condemning gaze.

"You have no right to say that." You said through your teeth and, without waiting for an answer, disappeared into your room, leaving him alone in a big shock.

That night, instead of his favorite TV series, all he could focus on were the quiet sobs coming from behind the wall and the guilt they caused. He had no idea which of his actions made you cry, and it didn't really matter which. Despite the fact that, in his opinion, he didn't say anything awful in your direction, he felt awful.

Steve the Stupidest: I made her cry

Chrissy the Sweetest: what???? what happened?

Steve the Stupidest: I don't know, we were eating salad together, I asked her what she had eaten at work, she said that only a sandwich, so I got a little carried away and told her that she can't take care of herself, and now I can hear her crying

Robin the Smartest: oh damn

Steve the Stupidest: should I go to her?

Eddie the Dumbest: I don't think she wants to see you now, dude

Robin the Smartest: Eddie is right, let her calm down

Robin the Smartest: and tell everything that happened with details

Autumn brings with itself many changes, one of which may be unexpected illness. The first thing you felt this morning was an unpleasant itching in your throat, the second was a terrible cold, which made you decide to dress a little warmer for work today. Unfortunately, you felt worse and worse by the minute, but adult life can be brutal and you couldn't just not go to work today.

Around noon Steve came home from the hospital, but before he could open the door to the apartment his phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Hello?"

"Come to Benny's, quick." Robin said in a serious voice.

When he arrived in front of the diner, Chrissy was waiting for him with a worried expression on her face.

"What happened?" he asked running up to the girl.

"y/n fainted, Robin and I came in for lunch and when she was carrying our order she just fainted, she said there was no one to help her so Robin said we'll call you-" the words left her mouth at the speed of light.

"Hey, take it easy." he grabbed her by the shoulders. "Where is she?"

"In the back room with Robin and Benny."

With a quick step he walked inside and moments later he was already at your side watching you with a worried face. You looked even worse than last time, which caused him alarmed. Sitting leaning against the white wall, you were almost as pale as it was.

"Let's get you home, okay?" he asked crouching down in front of you.

"I don't have a home." you muttered while burying your face in your hands. "I can't leave, my shift hasn't ended."

"It has ended and the next one won't start until you feel better." said Benny in a harsh tone.

"Benny please." you whined.

"No discussion, get her out of here Steve."

Reluctantly, you walked back to his BMW feeling the gaze of the other three on you all the time, but now you didn't even have the strength to be annoyed with them. Despite the fact that your shift at the diner ended a few hours sooner, you still had to go to your evening shift at the bar, so you wanted to be in your room as soon as possible so you could take a nap before that.

You didn't even remember when you fell asleep, you were pulled out of the darkness by the sound of your alarm clock, which announced that it was time to start getting ready for your shift at the bar. The worst part of it all was that you didn't feel any better.

Slowly and lifelessly you walked out of the room, Steve was standing in the kitchen over a big pot of soup. When he heard the sound of the door opening he turned toward you and smiled slightly.

"I made the soup, the best for a cold, I got the recipe from Robin's grandmother, I'm sure you'll like it, it just needs to boil for a while," he said.

"I'm not hungry." you lied, at the very smell you were drooling but you didn't have time to eat anymore.

"Come on, at least try."

"I don't have time Steve, I have to get ready and go to work." you sighed.

"You're kidding right?" He stood motionless and looked at you in disbelief, and you looked at him with a questioning expression. "A few hours ago you blacked out and now you want to go to work, are you crazy?"

"Don't dramatize."

"Dramatize? Listen to yourself, what's wrong with you?"

"Everything!" you snapped. "Not everyone has a wonderful life full of friends and and rich parents who transfer dollars to your account every month! Do you think life makes me happy? Some people have to work two shifts to make their own living! Some people have other expenses besides just living!" your outburst of anger made you feel increasingly weak, but your voice was still loud. Loud enough for every word to reach him without interference. "You work in a hospital, so you know how much medical bills cost! So I'm sorry Steve, but I won't eat your soup, I have to go to work so I can afford to pay your rent next month!"

Shaken up, you walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind you. Why does it all have to be so difficult? Clenching your eyes tightly, a loud sob came from your mouth. Much louder than you wanted. Helplessly you slumped to the floor and just let the tears flow. You were sick, tired, sad, angry and lost, everything was against you.

After a while, the bathroom door opened and Steve appeared in it with a broken look on his face.

"I'm sorry." He said, kneeling beside you.

"It's not your fault." you said while wiping away tears. "Everything is just too much."

"I didn't know anything about the hospital bills, are you ill? do you need funding for treatment?" honey eyes studied your face carefully, the warmth that emanated from him made you want to cling to him.

"They are not mine."

"Are you paying for someone?" he asked puzzled.

"My dad was very sick-" you said quietly.

"Was?"

Nothing was your answer. The pain in your eyes spoke for itself.

"Jesus, y/n…" before he could think what he was doing his arms had already begun to embrace you, and you let him. You felt as if he was keeping you from falling apart. After a while, your breathing slowed down, and your body was no longer shaken by waves of crying. "I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't know anything." he muttered into your hair.

"I really have to go to work, Steve." you replied weakly, already a bit calmer.

"You can't go there like this, you're all burned up."

"If I don't go I won't be able to pay you on time." You sighed and extricated yourself from his grasp.

"You'll pay me later, it won't be a problem." he replied without thinking. "Stay, please." he said seeing your uncertain reaction. "I swear that if you pay later, nothing will happen. It won't be a problem."

"Thank you." you replied. "I'll go call that I won't be there."

"And I'll get us some soup." he beamed. His smile was contagious as it also appeared on your face despite your nasty mood. When you returned to the living room there were two large bowls filled to the brim on the coffee table.

"Fancy a movie?" he asked.

"Yeah, okay." you replied surprised, you weren't expecting this proposal. Although he was probably even more surprised and didn't expect you to agree. "What are we going to watch?"

"I don't know, what do you like?"

"And you?" you asked, not wanting to impose something of your own.

"Star Wars?"

"I've never watched, it can be."

"Wait, what? Seriously, it's a classic!"

"Such a film connoisseur of you?" you laughed.

"You still haven't answered my question about what you like."

"Disney is definitely my definition of comfort movies."

"for example?"

"Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Frog, Tangled, Coco…"

"I haven't watched any of them." he shrugged his shoulders.

"And who's talking about not knowing the classics?!" you pretended to be disgusted.

"I propose a compromise, one part of Star Wars for one Disney movie, I think we both have a lot of catching up to do."

"Deal."

Steve Harrington was a ray of sunshine. From the moment you decided to stop fencing yourself off with thick curtains your life became much warmer and brighter. Your life together changed completely, even though you still had to work two shifts and felt physically tired, your mental state was definitely relieved. When your roommate got to know your situation and understood what you were struggling with, his attitude also changed. This time, all the quiet days and sad looks were not perceived as an attack. Instead, whenever you returned tired after work there was a warm meal waiting for you and an even warmer smile that caused a strange tingling in your stomach.

The more you got to know each other, the more you couldn't hold back the feeling of attraction to him. He was a person from whom a safe warmth radiated, a warmth that not only warmed your cold hands when they accidentally touched his, but also your soul. A soul that had long been a cold and empty hollow. He lit the first tiny sparks in it that made life and emotions awaken in you anew.

By opening up to his presence in your life, you found the courage to grieve. He was the perfect friend. Funny, caring and trustworthy. Day by day you got to know each other better and better, telling him about what happened with your dad you allowed in the feelings that you had kept locked up for an awfully long time.

One day was especially difficult when your dad's birthday arrived. All day the weight of your heart was unbearable, people at work gave you an extremely hard time, so as soon as you closed the apartment door behind you, you burst into tears. Some time ago you would have held it in until you disappeared into your room, but you couldn't help how Steve made the house become home. A home where you didn't have to be afraid to show your feelings.

Hearing you groggy in the hallway he immediately came out to greet you, wanting to show off the new dish he had managed to prepare today. Unfortunately, seeing your condition, all his enthusiasm disappeared.

"What happened?" he asked quietly. His eyes scanned your entire body in search of any apparent reason for crying, but he immediately understood that what was hurting you was not a physical issue at all. Not having the strength to respond you moved quickly in front of him and he simply followed you. You sat down on the bed clenching your face in your hands, after a while the mattress bent under his weight.

"Hey, it's okay." he whispered placing a hand on your shoulder. "Come." He pulled you gently back.

Leaning against the headrest of the bed, he pulled you close, and you fell right into his arms. You cuddled your face into the soft sweater sobbing like a small child. Large hands gently traced paths of comfort on your back and arms. He stroked you as if you were a small, wounded and helpless animal, and he wanted at all costs not to hurt you even more. Your pain was breaking his heart, but he knew the feeling when crying is the only thing that can bring relief, so he didn't interrupt you.

Over the past time, he got to know you much better than he ever would have expected. He saw in you something more than a silent energy filled with fatigue and perpetual irritation. He saw in you a beautiful but broken soul. He saw a heart of gold that was shattered to pieces. He saw how funny you were and what a great conversation companion you could be. He was surprised by your sensitivity, which you initially hid under a mask of oppressiveness. When you broke down the armored wall you surrounded yourself with at the beginning of your acquaintance, Steve met a completely different person, someone in whom he was beginning to see more than just a roommate. With each step you continued to become friends, but he couldn't ignore the thought that he wanted something more.

From people who avoided each other like fire you became a team. You did everything together as much as possible when you both happened to find some free time. Meals together, cleaning together and going shopping together. Movie marathons and evenings spent talking all added up to the beauty of domestication. But-

What if you could lay cuddled up together while watching movies?

What if he could kiss every tear from your cheeks that fall when you get emotional at a Disney movie?

What if you could come up from behind and snuggled into his back while he was preparing dinner for you?

What if while shopping he could hold a shopping bag in one hand and your hand in the other one?

What if seeking comfort in his arms after a hard day at work was the first thing you would do when you got home?

All the what ifs in his head had been swirling around for a long time and were incredibly overwhelming, especially when you were close, yet he couldn't muster the courage to do more.

For the moment, you had more serious things on your mind, and he didn't know how to help you, despite his great desire to do so. Lost in his thoughts and focused to give you as much comfort as possible, he didn't notice when you calmed down. Your breathing was now even and your eyes closed. Thinking you had fallen asleep he settled down a bit and rested his cheek against the top of your head. With the hand that he used to embrace your back he pressed you even tighter against him, and with the other he grabbed the hand that lay on his chest.

"Today is his birthday." you said weakly.

Not expecting you to be awake for a moment panic swept through him, he quickly drew in air and tensed all over waiting for your reaction. Seeing that you still remained motionless, he relaxed, and you continued speaking. "Every year we used to spend this whole day with his best friend and his family. They invited me to join them today to continue the tradition, but I can't- It hurts too much."

"You don't have to go there if you don't feel ready, it's understandable to feel that way." he replied.

"What if I'm never ready? What if it will always hurt like this?"

"Even if time doesn't heal the wounds, you will learn to live with them. And even though moments like now will happen from time to time, you won't be alone with them. You are not alone."

His words went straight to your heart, they were something you needed at that moment.

"Thank you." You said hugging him even tighter.

"Always here for you." he muttered.

The silence that surrounded you and the last rays of the setting sun coming through the window were soothing. Your hearts began to beat out the same calm and steady rhythm that you could feel under your hand. Focusing on the gentle beats, a peace began to envelop you that you hadn't felt since your dad became ill. As the orange glow of the ending day slowly turned into blanketing darkness neither of you wanted to move so as not to scare away such a beautiful and peaceful moment. Desperately clinging to the closeness that existed between you both fell asleep, not worrying about the awkwardness that would come with the morning.

Unfortunately, the night passed all too quickly. When you woke up you were lying in bed alone. Trying to run away from the feeling of disappointment about this, you reluctantly pushed the quilt aside and focused on preparing for work. Entering the living room, you were greeted by a platter of warm scrambled eggs and a mug of coffee.

"I'm going on the night shift tonight, so I thought maybe we could at least have breakfast together." he said sitting down at the table.

"Sounds like a great plan." You replied with a smile. Over the course of the meal you lost yourself in pleasant conversation about everyday life. Steve also talked about his plans for the weekend, where he wanted to take Dustin to a concert by his favorite band.

"And uh- I have something for you." he said when you finished eating. He walked over to his backpack and took out some documents from it, which he slipped to you. "You don't have to do anything with this, but I thought you might want to think about it. I talked to some people at the hospital and they said your situation qualifies for a subsidy on your dad's medical bills." You looked at him with your eyes wide open, he couldn't make out much emotion from your expression, which made him start to get nervous, fearing that you were about to explode with anger. "I know, I'm sorry I talked to strangers about you, you have the right to be angry with me, but I really just wanted to help, this subsidy will cover most of the bills, of course if you need help to figure it all out, I can help you with everything, but I understand if you don't want-"

His rant was interrupted by your arms tightening around his stomach. When the moment of surprise passed he reciprocated the hug.

"Thank you." you said.

"You are welcome." He beamed.

"Let's talk about it tomorrow after we're both off work?""

"Sure." The smile didn't leave his face.

"I have to go now, thank you for breakfast. Have a good day, Steve."

"You too, y/n."

For him, it was the win of the day.

When taking on the job as a nurse, Steve was aware that some moments would be extremely hard in the job. However, he did not expect them to come so quickly and suddenly. Nor did he expect that the first such moment would be so drastic.

Road accidents were the order of the day, so when he got the call to assist in the operation of one of the injured he approached it with composure as always. What he didn't expect, however, was to find a teenage girl lying on the table in critical condition. Despite the best efforts of the entire rescue team, the injuries sustained in the accident were too extensive and she died during the operation. On his way out of the room, all he could hear was the shrill cry of despair of a mother who would never hug her own daughter again. That sound refused to leave his head until the end of his shift.

After returning home, exhausted by today's experiences, he fell asleep on the couch. Unfortunately, even in sleep his psyche was not merciful. His brain replayed nightmares over and over again, which, instead of resting, tormented him even more.

When you returned to the apartment the first thing you noticed was Steve sleeping on the couch. Today, for the first time in a very long time, he was not waiting for you with a meal ready. Determining that he was probably too tired, you quietly walked over to the couch and covered him with a blanket. Your attention did not miss the furrowed brow and the anxious expression on his face. Hesitating for a moment, you decided not to intervene and went to the kitchen, stating that today it was your turn to cook something. In the middle of cutting vegetables, Steve suddenly jumped on the couch breathing heavily.

"Hey, what's going on?" you quickly walked over to him and crouched down across from him. He was in shock, his eyes in a panic trying to recognize the environment he was in, and his breathing was speeding up instead of slowing down. "Steve, hey." you tried to get his attention.

"My phone. Where's my phone?" he sprang to his feet and began a frantic search for the device. He found it in his jacket pocket and immediately started dialing a number. "Dustin? Dustin are you okay?" he asked after a few beeps.

"Yes, why?" replied the confused boy.

"I just- I'm sorry. Glad you are okay."

"What the hell Steve?"

"I have to go, bye." He hung up and clasped his hand around the phone while leaning his head against the wall.

"Steve?" approached him slowly. "What's going on?"

"It's just a hard day at work…" He sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He nodded and together you went to sit on the couch. There he told you about the situation. The longer he spoke, the more his voice broke down and words struggled to pass through his throat.

"When I was sleeping, I had-I had a nightmare. Instead of this girl, there was Dustin. I had to make sure he was okay-" it was his breaking point.

The sight was painful. It was hard to look at a person who can bring so much warmth, light and joy into someone's life in a state of sadness. Steve was like sunshine to you, sunshine that was now covered by dark clouds and raindrops that dripped down his cheeks. Before you had time to think your body reacted faster, and you were already halfway to hugging him. He accepted this form of reassurance without hesitation, and, drawing you closer to him, you landed in his lap, while he snuggled his face into the bend of your neck.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all this." you said quietly stroking his hair. "And Dustin is fine, he is fine, you are not gonna lose him."

"I can't lose him-"

"And you won't." You didn't let him finish his sentence. You moved him away from you so that you could look at each other and took his face in your hands, wiping away the tear tracks with your thumbs. "And remember that you are not alone with your problems Steve Harrington, and you will not be alone."

Honey-colored irises looked right through your soul. However, after a while they began to take a different course. Slowly and uncertainly they went along your nose to stop at your lips. Suddenly his hands, which were now on the indentation of your waist, began to burn. Yet it was not a painful burning. The warmth was addictive, you wanted to feel more of it, you wanted to feel it all over your body. Your foreheads rested against each other and your noses brushed, lips were separated by millimeters when the magic was interrupted by his phone.

Like a burnt woman, you jumped off his lap, and he went to his room with the phone, not knowing how to deal with what had just happened between you.

Would you let him kiss you?

This thought focused all his attention, and all he understood from his conversation with his supervisor was that tomorrow was his day off.

"Would you mind going for a walk?" you asked when he returned to the living room.

"Sure."

The autumn air was not the hottest, but the warm sweaters you were wearing adequately protected you from it. The setting sun was a beautiful orange color quite like the leaves quietly crunching under your shoes. Steve wordlessly followed you, not even focusing on the road. Walking in your company seemed to be a good cure for shattered nerves, especially since the scenery was equally soothingly beautiful. On the way to your destination, you made a brief stop at a flower shop, not far from the cemetery. At that moment he knew what your destination was.

"It's okay if you don't feel like going there." You said stopping in front of the gate.

"No, it's fine." he replied and moved ahead.

"This place…I found a weird peace in here for the first few days after my dad died." you explained as you approached the grave. You placed a flower on it.

Steve did not respond. But you were right, the place was surrounded by a strange atmosphere of calm. The falling nightfall sharpened the burning candles. Their rays were small but warm, and together they created a solemn scenery. He associated the flames with the emotions you stirred in his heart. Emotions that were bubbling up inside him and begging him to let them out. Emotions that he no longer had the strength to keep inside, and despite the fact that the cemetery was the last place to confess love, he decided to do so.

"Thank you." he said finally.

"For what?" you asked turning your face toward him.

"Letting me in."

"Thank you for being patient enough." The smile with which you answered this was also as warm as the lights burning in front of you.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

He expected shock, anger, laughter on your part. He expected each of the worst reactions. However, he did not expect the calmness with which you accepted what he said. He didn't expect your hand intertwining your fingers and the other landing gently on his cheek.

"I think I'm falling in love with you too, Steve." you whispered.

That was enough for him to lean in and bring your lips together. The kiss, at first shy and gentle, deepened into something passionate and filled with relief that something that was supposed to have happened a long time ago was finally happening. It was as if everything had suddenly found its rightful place in the universe.

As you pulled away from each other, he spun you around so that your back rested against his chest and your arms locked in a bear hug. With a wide smile and tears of happiness in your eyes, you looked at your father's grave.

"Thank you." you said quietly.

"It's me who thanks you." he whispered in your ear.

"It wasn't to you." you giggled, and he made a confused sound. "It was to Dad."

"Oh."

"He placed a real angel in my path." You didn't have to wait long for a response. After a while, you were face to face again giving each other kisses interrupted by smiles.

"Let's go home." you whispered between kisses.

"Home?" he asked with hope in his voice.

"Home." You confirmed by kissing him again.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @tlclick73

[lina-linny]

summary: You were pregnant a few months ago. What will your boyfriend say if you stand in front of him again with a positive pregnancy test?

words: 1.5k

genre: fluff, comfort

Shivering, I sat next to the toilet as I felt the all too familiar feeling of morning sickness. What was that all about? I had just been pregnant and yet I was 5 weeks overdue. I had ignored it, blaming it on the previous pregnancy but now worries were slowly creeping up inside me. What if I was pregnant again? I groaned. I didn't really want to go through this unpleasant time again. But it didn't help. Staggering, I got up to go and get a pregnancy test.

~☆~

Positive. I clutched the edge of the sink. Silent, hot tears ran down my cheek. I was simply exhausted and tired. My hormones were going crazy, I'd just had a break down and still had to be quiet because my few-month-old daughter was asleep in the next room.

Shakily, I breathed in and out to calm myself down again. I had to talk to San. We were going to have a second child at some point anyway, so in theory it wasn't so bad. But I didn't want to go through all that shit again. Especially so close together.

I had hated pregnancy. Abysmally. I knew that many women were positively glowing during pregnancy, permanently happy and just looking forward to the birth.

I was the opposite. I was constantly in a bad mood, could hardly move with this huge belly and cried all the time. Depending on my mood, I either needed my boyfriend san's undivided attention (which he was more than happy to give me) or I pushed him completely away and isolated myself. Normally he was always offended if I didn't give him 100% of my attention. But during the pregnancy he hadn't complained once.

But I was so sorry. I knew that this time had been almost as draining for him as it had been for me. But he had never complained. He had always brought me everything I needed, even without me saying anything. He looked after me so well. I loved him and was so grateful for that. I didn't want to be a burden on him for another 9 damn months.

I was also incredibly scared about the birth. I mean hello? I had to push a human being out of my abdomen. The thought was immediately disgusting and painful, just thinking about the agony I had gone through during my last birth made me dread the next one, which obviously wasn't that far away.

I had to tell San. As quickly as possible. I had to talk to him. I just wanted to be in his arms. I quickly texted my boyfriend that me and our daughter Lia would pick him up from work later and he sent back a "Yay I've missed my two girls all day." back.

This was followed by several messages in which he asked how I was, whether I'd had enough to eat or drink. But I didn't have the strength to answer them.

I just sighed and crawled into bed to feel sorry for myself. But all in all, the prospect of a second child wasn't so bad. I'd just like to skip the pregnancy part.

~☆~

I hesitantly entered the KQ building. My daughter pressed against my chest. I sighed. Soon there wouldn't be two of us visiting San at his work. Soon there would be four of us.

Reluctantly, I knocked on the door of the training room and after a moment stepped through the door that separated me from the 8 Ateez members.

When I entered, we were greeted enthusiastically by everyone. Wooyoung came shooting towards me with a grin. He was about to open his mouth (probably to tease me) when Lia reached out from my arm in his direction. It was obvious that she wanted to go to him.

Wooyoung was her favorite uncle. That's why San and I had made him her godfather. Lia idolized Wooyoung and that didn't do his ego any good. He kept teasing us that our daughter would like him much more than us.

Sighing, I handed Lia over to Woo. I knew that she was always in good hands with him. He treated her like a little princess and even if the two of them would cause a lot of trouble in the future, Wooyoung would never let anything happen to her.

San looked at me worriedly. Of course my boyfriend knew that something was bothering me. He saw through my façade. He always did. No matter how well I hid my worries, he always saw that I wasn't well.

He came to me. His hands wrapped around my waist and he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

San was always touchie. As soon as I turned up, his hands were somewhere on me. Whether he took my hand, hugged me or kissed me. But his favorite thing was to hug me. He could spend hours with me cuddled up on the couch and I loved it almost as much as he did.

"I bought you flowers sweetheart... on my lunch break. They're over by my other things." He pulled me a little tighter against him and I felt my heart soar. He was so sweet and thoughtful. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve him. I smiled and pressed a kiss to his hairline.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I added and San just nodded. He grabbed my hand and led me into a small side room.

He trusted Wooyoung and the other members enough to leave Lia with them. He didn't leave his little princess unattended with most other people.

Since we had our daughter, his protective instinct had become even greater. In the past, too, he had sometimes shown flashes of jealousy towards me, but since Lia was born, this had risen to another level.

~☆~

I dropped onto the chair in the room. San looked at me worriedly. I ran a hand over my face. I was very sure that I had to look really bad and tired.

I didn't know what to say. How could I tell him that I was pregnant again? How was I supposed to tell him that we had to go through all the drama again?

San gave me all the time I needed. He waited patiently and I knew he would never complain that I was taking too long or anything like that.

But I couldn't find the words. I didn't know what to say. So I pulled the positive test out of my bag. Thank goodness I had put it in my bag earlier. San looked at me in confusion until he saw what I was holding.

"Ohhh baby...." he sighed and rushed forward to wrap me in his arms. Tears streamed down my cheek.

"San, I don't want to be pregnant again. I don't want to put you through so much again. I'm so sorry I'm always so moody."

"Oh sweetheart. It's okay." He gently stroked my head. A small tear rolled down his face too. But not because he was scared, tired or stressed, but because he was happy. He was happy that his family would grow by onother member.

Since the day he met you, he knew that one day he wanted to have a family with you and now the time had come. Now you would have two children, just like you both had always dreamed of.

He didn't usually like to cry in front of others but crying in front of you was natural.

"You don't have to apologize for it. I know you're not well and I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for you. We can do this all together, ok? I promise I'll take care of you, ok baby? I'm also looking forward to our second child. I'm sure we and the members will adore it just as much as Lia."

I sobbed into his T-shirt and San pressed me against his body while he stroked my back reassuringly.

San would do anything to make my life easier and so he would do everything he could to make this pregnancy as easy as possible for me. This thought reassured me. I knew that I could rely on him.

"We can do this together..." san pressed a light kiss to the top of my head and my tears slowly dried up."

Thank you... I love you San" I clung to his muscles and San giggled.

"I love you too baby." I slowly pulled away from him, whereupon San protested and pulled me back into his arms. I laughed and he grinned too, but just kept hugging me.

We both knew it wouldn't be easy but we would make it together.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

congrats on 450!! I've just gotten back into my star wars hyperfixation, tis the season I suppose, and your fics have been LIFE SAVERS and so I am here to congratulate you on an incredibly well earned celebration! and to request:

7. "you're not as bad as everyone says."

28. "maybe there's a universe your there where we're friends."

with either Wolfe or Cody x fem/gender neutral (whichever you prefer)?

Thank you so much and congrats again!!! <3

Awww @hxad-ovxr-hxart that's so sweet. I'm so glad my fics have helped. That makes me so happy, and I hope you'll like the fic. I wrote with Wolffe in mind. Enjoy.

Love oo,

Friends

Warnings: Crashing, angst, death, fluff, comfort, I think that's it. If I miss anything please let me know.

Main Master List   |  Star Wars Fic Roulette

Commander Wolffe was never a man who suffered fools, he didn’t appreciate tardiness, he hated chit chat, and worst of all he hated personal questions. And somehow you managed to do all four on your first day on the Triumphant, which made you public enemy number one in Wolffe’s book. 

Every day you saw him, he simply rolled his eyes and growled each time you passed. 

You tried your best to fix it, but no matter what you did or said, it didn’t make a difference. You gave up after months of constant growls and eye rolls. Now you simply made a point to arrive on time for your shift as a communication specialist. You performed your role to the best of your ability, and did your best to stay out of his way. 

Things were going well, that was until your shuttle crashed, and the two of you were the only survivors. 

“Anything broken?” Wolffe asked after he checked on the two pilots and made his way over to you.

You shook your head, “No. I think …” you tested out each of your limbs, “I think I’m alright” you groaned as you tried to stand.

“Easy. Here,” he held out his hand to help you up, “alright?”

You nodded and followed him out of the crashed gunship, “Hmm… where are we?” You looked around trying to become aware of your surroundings.

“We dropped out of hyperspace somewhere in between, the Triumphant and our destination. Don’t worry they’ll come for us, I sent out a distress beacon.”

“How long do you think we’ll be here?”

“A day or two… maybe a week.” He went into the ship, and grabbed the emergency gear, passing one backpack to you and keeping one himself. 

“Are we going somewhere?”

“To a more defensible position, we don’t wanna be out here in case there’s Separatist droids nearby or in case there are any dangerous animals.”

You nodded and followed him, keeping pace as best you could. It was about three hours later, when you were panting and gasping for breath, “Wait … Commander, please I … I need a break.” You leaned against a boulder. 

“Alright …” Wolffe nodded, “take a break, we can rest for a minute.”

You nodded, thanking him, as you took a break, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, you’re a civilian. You’re not used to this.”

You looked up at him as you regained your breath and took a sip of water, “You know, you’re not as bad as everyone says you are.”

Wolffe, let out a laugh, “And how bad does everyone say I am?”

“That you have a short temper, you don’t suffer fools, you don’t like civilians really…”

He turned to look at you, “Really?” You simply nodded your answer, “I wouldn’t say I don’t like civilians, I’d say … civilians don’t appreciate the sacrifices me and my brothers make.”

“I know” you answered solemnly, “I’ve heard them, when I walk around Coruscant. I’m sorry. It’s not right or fair.”

“My life has never been really fair. But, thank you.”

You stood brushing off your pants, “I’m good, we can continue.”

Wolffe simply nodded as he led the way to a cave that would provide the right shelter, he set up a defensive perimeter, while you started a fire, when you were finished he came and sat beside you nodding at your achievement. 

“Good job, didn’t think civilians knew how to start a fire”

“Well I did take basic survival training, when I first joined the GAR.”

“Impressive.” He took off his helmet and his gloves, keeping the comm alert on high in case the rescue team was trying to get a hold of them.

“Commander” you looked into the fire, lost in thought, “Do you think maybe there's a universe out there where we're friends?”

“I don’t know” Wolffe answered as he kept his own gaze on the fire, “but I can tell you, you gained a friend today.” He smirked as he looked at you, “Listen, I don’t know what I ever did to make you think I hate you, civvie. But I don’t. I am actually impressed by you. It’s not easy joining the GAR to begin with, not as a civilian, certainly not as a woman, but you continue to work harder than everyone else. You’re prompt with your reports and always pleasant with your co-workers. I’ve heard nothing but praise from everyone you work with, and even today, you put up with a lot, with barely a complaint. That’s impressive.”

You tried to hide the smile that wanted to creep on to your face, “Thank you, Commander.”

“Wolffe.”

“I’m sorry?”

“When it’s just us, you can call me Wolffe. After all, we’re friends, right?”

“That’s right … Wolffe.”

He didn’t know why but hearing you say his name, brought a smile to his lips. “Close your eyes and try to sleep” he motioned to the ground, “I’ll keep watch. You’ll be safe.”

You nodded and leaned down against the ground resting your head on the backpack, wrapping the emergency blanket around you to stay warm. “Wolffe, do you think someone got our distress signal?”

“Don’t worry civvie, Plo’buir isn’t about to leave us behind.” He looked after you and smiled, “Just relax, and close your eyes. It’ll be okay.”

You nodded, closing your eyes, “Thank you, Wolffe”

“For?”

“For being my friend,” your voice trailed off as the exhaustion from the crash, the hike, and just the anxiety of the day pulled you under. Soon enough you were snoring. 

Wolffe smiled as he watched you sleep, his heart fluttering as he took in your features. He always wondered why you had kept your distance from him, but to think you thought he hated you, made his heart hurt. It was so far from the truth. However, it was too soon to point that out. Instead, for now, he’d be your friend, and hope that in the future, your friendship could progress to something more. Maybe one day. 

“Goodnight, cyar’ika. Sweet dreams.” He whispered as he put his helmet back on and kept his blaster on his lap, keeping guard, making it his job to protect you. 

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Tag list:

@liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24@spicymcnuggies@lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @sprout-fics @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @ulchabhangorm @littlemisspascal @tortor-mcgee @vodika-vibes @clonethirstingisreal

[billthedrake]

MY SON THE PORN STAR (PART FIVE)

I tried not to go wild. I still was married and still had my normal corporate guy life in Kansas City.

But doing porn turned out to be addictive. It was the combination of a deep exhibitionist streak I was discovering in myself and the access to incredibly hot men willing to suck me or get fucked by my big tool. It made me feel like a total stud... less middle-aged, I guess.

And work trips were the perfect cover. I really was doing the road warrior thing for my company, so I wasn't lying to Kate THAT much. But I did sometimes add a night to my travels.

Like the week after Easter. I had a business trip to Denver, but I added an extra evening and squeezed in a quick connector flight to San Francisco on my dime with miles. Muscle Pup Mike, my son's friend and escort/pornstar buddy, set me up with a versatile OnlyFans star there. I shot two scenes with him, actually, one oral, one with me masked as we had a nice, long 50-minute fuck scene. I didn't feel a deep chemistry with Kevin, aka "Jeff Reed," but I felt a deep chemistry with the two cameras that were on us. Besides, sex with a muscular 28-year-old hunk was hard to beat.

Turns out, the next night would beat it. I flew to Denver bright and early in the morning and had my sales meeting all day. I was rolling my business-style carry on into my hotel room right around dinner. I undid my tie and sat down to unlace my shoes before calling Kate to check in.

Yeah, I felt pretty bad knowing I was stepping out behind her back. I'd deal with that guilt later. Either stopping porn cold turkey or making a break or separation with my wife. At this point I wasn't ready to do either.

I wasn't a frequent poster, but managed a video every 2-3 weeks. And I had a growing following of fans willing to pay a modest subscription for just that. Sure, I got some comments complaining that I never took my mask off, but apparently I had the body and blond-furred looks a lot of guys went for. And my cock size helped - a lot. I was careful about not talking on camera, or I just edited those parts out, but I'd learned to be verbal with my grunts, to show appreciation for my sucker/bottom and to let viewers get that thrill. It worked.

I sat, alone in that quiet hotel room, thinking just how wild my double life had become, and I fiddled with my phone again. Chicago was an hour ahead and now would probably be a good time to call. I pulled up Travis's contact and FaceTimed him.

"Hey Dad," my son greeted.

"Hey," I said, leaning back and feeling my boner ride up in the crotch of my trousers. "I didn't catch you at a bad time, I hope?"

"Nah," he said. "Just getting back from the gym." Indeed, he had a workout zip-up on and I could see the familiar kitchen from his condo in the back.

"All sweaty?" I teased.

That got a laugh out of my son. He was surprised how horny I was sometimes, how much I'd leaned into this weird affair we had going on. "Something like that. How'd your shoot go?"

"Real well," I replied. "Kevin is a real professional. Made it easy."

"Just a professional?" Travis asked, with a teasing smile on his cute face.

"Just fucking," I said. "Not a ton of chemistry, I'm afraid, but I think I got some good footage for the next two vids." I'd always sent Travis the digital files via encryption, and he did the editing magic on the material. As amazing as my son was at being on-screen talent, he also had a knack for making great porn behind the camera.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Dad," he said. "But I think you're a natural adult performer."

I smiled. "Is that what the kids call it?" I joked.

That made my son laugh. I loved seeing and hearing his laugh. "OK... you're a natural porn star, Dad.... You know, it's really hot to say that. I get so hard watching you perform, you know."

My throat got dry. Travis knew how to work me up. "Jesus, Trav. You have no idea how much I've watched your videos."

That made my son laugh again, those dimples forming. "I have a pretty good idea, Dad. You've told me before."

"I lied," I teased. "I figured if I told you the real number, you'd get freaked out."

"Turned on is more like it, Dad," Travis said. "Why don't you show me how much you like em. You hard now?"

"Rock hard," I said. I turned the phone down to show off the rod forming a ridge in my trousers.

"Fuck," Travis hissed. "My dad has a real porn star dick. I have a shoot in a couple of hours. I'll definitely be thinking of your cock."

"Who's it with?" I asked. This was the wild phase Trav and I were at now. Father and son, lovers, flirts, and professional colleagues in the adult entertainment business.

"Bud and Spike," he said. I recognized the screen names of two muscle daddies from Dallas, into the more hardcore stuff.

I made a wince of an expression. "Go easy with those guys, buddy," I said. "For real." I felt strangely protective of my son. Which was weird, because in general he was the one looking out for me as I began doing porn more regularly.

Travis smiled. "I will, Dad. Promise. We're planning a more vanilla scene than they normally do." He gave me a wink. "Listen, I gotta go get ready, actually."

"All right, buddy," I said. I wished we had time for some phone sex because just talking to Travis was turning me on big time. "I can't wait to see your scene. And I'll be in Chicago in a couple of weeks. We'll catch up then, OK?"

"You bet, Dad," he said. "Love ya."

"Love ya, too, Big Guy."

We hung up.

I let out a hiss of air. I was horny now. Turns out "Jeff Reed" hadn't drained me. I did have a back up idea. There was some University of Colorado kid who'd been emailing me on the anon account Travis set up for me and linked to my OnlyFans. Call me a narcissist, but I'd been eating up the fan mail, and something about this college dude Bryan won me over. Maybe it was the pics he sent. Cute as fuck, brown haired, boy-next-door looks. And the nude pics that showed a surprisingly built body for a college kid - either a jock or someone who hit the college gym regularly. Smooth body with just a dusting of a treasure trail, creamy white skin, washboard abs, hard cock, amazing bubble ass.

Or maybe it was the request that I hit him up if I was ever in the Denver area.

So far I'd only done pro-amateur porn stars in the OF circuit my son and MusclePup Mike worked in. Some of it was the self-justification that it wasn't fully emotional cheating, just porn I was doing. Some of it was caution. All the arrangements went through Mike and because of my mask, no one knew my identity.

But I was horny now and sent this Bryan kid a message. I didn't expect a reply, but it was worth a shot. I set down my phone and undressed to take a quick shower. It was only 6:30, but it had been a long day.

There was a message waiting for me. "God yes, man," Bryan wrote. "I could be there in about an hour and a half," he wrote. Then almost nervously, there was a follow up. "God, I must seem overly eager. But fuck you're so hot. Let me know what works for you."

"How bout 8:30?" I typed back and gave my hotel name and room number. I wanted to get some food in me.

"Awesome. Yeah. See you soon," came the almost immediate reply.

I had only business casual clothes packed, so I got dressed to grab a bite at a restaurant near my hotel. I got back to my room with about ten minutes to spare. I brushed my teeth and checked my appearance in the mirror. I wasn't crazy about getting older, I had to admit, but I could see the "DILF" look that Travis and Mike were always raving about. Well-preserved was the expression, I suppose.

I was actually a little nervous when I heard the knock. I had no business fooling around with a guy like this. Not making a porn vid but actually having a cheating hook up. The messed up thing is that most guys would consider the videos a worse infraction, but this felt naughtier in a way.

Bryan looked great. Better than great. He was cuter than his pictures, and I think his nerves made him more attractive to me. He forced a smile but was shaking.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I smiled. "Come in, bud."

He was shorter than me, and his size made his collegiate muscle look more compact on his build. Maybe not collegiate wrestler exactly, but definitely that wrestler body type. A little thick, even. MusclePup Mike would have called him a twunk.

"I didn't know what you'd look like," Bryan said softly. His gray eyes were taking me in.

I remembered now he'd never seen me outside of my videos, all masked up. "You came over anyway," I observed.

"Oh yeah," he enthused. "You're my favorite porn star, hands down." He blushed but didn't stop gushing. "You probably know this... I guess most guys don't pay to watch your videos, but I subscribed to your site so I could email you."

"For real?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Bryan replied, that nervous smile growing bigger. "You're not on Twitter or Insta," he explained. His eyes swept up and down my frame. "God, you're even hotter in person. I knew you'd be hot, but... wow."

I was eating up his flattery. "You're not so bad yourself, buddy... bring it in..." I held up my arms to gesture him to come in for a kiss. He did. He was nervous and that turned me on for some reason. But once we started making out, Bryan got real into it, meeting my tongue with his, before practically sucking me into his mouth.

His hands were feeling it up, tentatively at first, then all over. He chuckled as he pulled back so he could feel me up better. I stood there and let his hands roam over my button-down shirt and the gym-toned muscle underneath. At that moment I was VERY glad for the personal trainer Travis set me up with.

"I hope you don't mind my saying," Bryan said, "But it's so wild to be with a porn star."

"Don't mind at all, buddy," I hissed. I was now experiencing the other thrill of doing porn. I knew I was into the exhibitionism of it all, but now I was feeling the hero worshop, the adoration of a young guy like this. I was rock hard.

He gulped as I reached down to undo my khakis, unzipping them and reaching in to haul out my dong. "I guess you really like my cock, then, huh?" I growled.

This wasn't me. At least it wasn't Brad Connors. Married father of three. Road warrior corporate guy. But being MaskedDaddy gave me the sexual confidence and freedom to be someone else.

"Fuck yeah," Bryan gasped as he saw my prick. "That cock's so fucking big..." His eyes were wide, taking in my size before he looked up at me. "OK, if I touch it?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't, buddy," I said. "That's why you came over isn't it?"

He nodded, like a chastised kid. Then tentatively he stepped in again and reached forward, like he was afraid of being branded by a hot poker. But once his fingers made contact, the hesitation was gone. The college dude circled his fingers and round me, griping my hardon and gently stroking a couple inches of it to get a feel of the girth and heft. "You don't know how much I've jerked off to your videos," he said. "I wasn't gonna admit to that you, but fuck...." His voice was heavy in his ragged breathing but still had that frat-bro collegiate kind of tone.

"I think we talked about you sucking that dick," I grunted. In our texts, Bryan had offered a blow job, and his presence now was making me really want this. In a surprising way, his realness was making me click with the college kid more than I did with a megahot porn star. Maybe it was the opposite of what Bryan was feeling, where he was living out his porn dream.

"Yeah," he nodded. But he gave me a sheepish shrug. "I, um, don't have a lot of experience."

I patted his cheek. "Give it your best, bud. Please. Daddy's really fucking horny." Yep, this was porn me talking, but it was the magic words for Bryan, who couldn't get down on his knees fast enough.

The young stud actually whimpered as he pulled my dick to his face and began licking it. It was slobbery and impetuous, and his attempt to take me into mouth was more urgent than skilled.

"Easy, buddy..." I urged as he choked a little on my size. "Daddy's got a big cock... take your time."

He nodded and moaned around my prick, flashing those gray eyes up, a little teary. Fuck.

I wouldn't say he got the hang of, but he got a lot more comfortable. Slowly, he sucked me, a few inches at a time, working up the focus to get an extra one back into his throat. The young dude was so excited to blow me, and I was loving this. Slowly I stroked his hair and encouraged him. "That's it, sport... you don't need the training wheels do ya? You go right for the big ones. OH FUCK, that feels nice."

"Yeah?" Bryan asked as he spit out my cock and swallowed the excess spit. I could tell he wanted to make sure he was sucking me right, but more than that he struck me as a young man who craved positive feedback in sex.

"You're doing great, buddy," I said.

There was something about this connection which was night and day different than "Jeff Reed." Bryan was a real guy, a college stud eager for me and not just playing out sex for the camera. And yet...

"You interested in filming this, Bryan? It's SO hot to watch you, buddy."

I could see two reactions in his face at once. A fearful shock at the idea. And an excitement to even consider it. "Oh man," he responded, not giving me a hint which one was the bigger emotion.

I slowly stroked my rod in front of his face, working in his spit over my dong and letting it get steel hard for his gaze. I had toyed with using viagra for my shoots, but even with my size I didn't have an issue getting real hard erections like this. I just loved sex too much.

"If it helps, I packed a spare mask," I offered.

Maybe another dude would have wondered why I had a mask with me, much less more than one mask. But Bryan had been used to seeing me in one, so maybe it just seemed normal to him.

"This is crazy," he said, his fearful look breaking into a smile.

"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, gently tapping his cheek with my dong.

"Yes," he muttered excitedly before taking ne into his mouth once more.

I let him work me for a few seconds then pulled back. I went to my carryon back and retrieved the masks. I wouldn't need one, I suppose, but I tossed both over Bryan's way while I got my portable tripod, a compact digital camera, and a spare cameraphone, an old Iphone I used for extra handheld footage.

I was worried I was killing the mood setting everything up and fiddling with the lights. But I loved shooting porn, and if anything my dick was harder in anticipation with shooting a different kind of scene. Me with an amateur costar. Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced I just knew this would be a hot video. And if not, I'd enjoy jerking off to it.

Fortunately, Bryan seemed excited too. I could see the excitement in his eyes, even behind the mask. He'd taken his shirt off, maybe to be less identifiable but was on his knees still, hands braced on his thighs. "I can't believe I'm going to be in one of your vids," he said. Yeah, the dude was into this.

I sauntered back, my dick leading the way. "If you're not comfortable with the results, we don't have to post anything," I said, remembering how important that veto power was for my comfort level for my first vid with my son. "Otherwise, I'll take this as your consent."

"Got it," he nodded.

The second his lips touched my prick again, I let out a gasp. He looked up at me, excited, and I took in his green eyes looking up through the mask holes. I pointed the phone camera at him to capture that. I wasn't gonna shoot that angle the whole time, since I preferred to enjoy getting head instead of playing cameraman the whole time. But the snapshots of him looking up would add to the effect.

Bryan's technique wasn't better this time, but his enthusiasm had tripled, at least. I set down the phone and eased my stance back, my posture upright. I was still in my business casual attire as this horny college kid blew me. I urged him to go slower at first with a quick deep grunt.

I heard the guy moan around my meat as something relaxed in his throat and he was able to more steadily take more of my dong into his throat. Working me up and down, I reached behind his head and massaged his scalp through the mask, gently urging him deeper.

"Yes," I choked in response. "Suck me." I'd gotten pretty good at deguising my voice. Using my porn voice. "Suck Daddy."

That did it. Bryan pulled off for a quick breath, then descended all the way down. I'm a big guy, and even some of the OnlyFans studs had a hard time swallowing my sword. But they weren't feeling the crazy sexual thrill this kid was.

He held a second then it was too much, and he pulled off with a sputtering cough. I could see his eyes watering even through the mask holes.

"Sorry," he breathed, as he tried to regain composure.

"It's OK... take your time," I said in my normal voice. Travis would have to edit that out. All for the best. I gave Bryan a second to catch his breath and then I leaned down and met him for a sensual kiss.

"You're doing real good," I said. Then leaning up, I offered my hard dong again. It had gone down a little, but was still pretty heavy. "Ready for more?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah," he said, his gray eyes looking back up at me.

His mouth on me got me rock hard once more. I pulled out some to let the camera catch my full hardon, then pushed back in between his wet lips. Bryan was novice, but that was OK. I was turned on from a change of pace from the OnlyFans dudes. This was a real guy, young and eager. I let him suck and get into sucking.

"Yeah," I grunted, I ran my fingers through his hair again and took the chance to push him down on my meat some more.

Byran was up for the challenge. He grunted around my prick but his throat relaxed and swallowed more of my thickness.

I started cumming. I wanted to ride out the orgasm in his college kid's throat but instead I pulled out and shot a couple of jets onto his mask and his lips before pushing back in just a few inches to let him suckle the remaining dribbles of semen.

I caught my breath a half second then picked up the cameraphone again. I hadn't taken too much handheld footage, so now I got a good view of Bryan slurping on my sated meat, licking up and down and outright worshipping my cock. Thankfully I wasn't too sensitive after nutting, and even if I lost a little of my rigidity, my dick kept a heavy firm meatiness that looked good.

I finally pulled back and turned both cameras off. "You were amazing, buddy," I said with a smile.

Already Bryan was pulling his mask off. I was glad. The guy was real fucking cute. "Dream come true for me," he said.

I could tell he was still horned up and at full sexual arousal from servicing me. "Get on the bed, kiddo," I urged. "Lie back."

He didn't seem to know what was going on but he complied. His body was shaking some as I undid his jeans and yanked them down.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked with some apprehension. Still he raised each leg to let me pull off his jeans. And his boxers showed a thick boner beneath the cotton.

"Your turn to get off," I said, not really answering his question.

Still, Bryan nodded and hooked his thumbs in the elastic of his boxers to slide them down. I let him take them off as I stepped into the bathroom to get lube out of my toiletties bag.

Bryan was now lying back on the bed, fully naked, his creamy white muscle looking even better than I anticipated now that he was stripped nude.

"You an athlete?" I asked as I flipped open the cap on the lube.

Bryan's eyes were nervously only the lube. I think I knew what he was worried about, and a part of me enjoyed playing with his nervousness. I'll give him credit, he put on a brave face as his eyes met mine to answer me. "Yeah. Wrestling.""

My guess had been spot on. "It shows," I said. "You have an amazing body."

"Thanks," he said, watching me get on the bed, me making a show of drizzling some lube on his hardon. His dick twitched, untouched, he was so turned on. "You have more the football build."

"Baseball was my sport," I answered. "And golf. But my trainer has helped me bulk up."

"You're my fantasy," he said softly. "The whole package. None of the guys know I'm into this, though." I could read in his face that he wasn't sure if he should be getting emotionally open like this.

I patted his thigh and set down the lube on the night stand with my other hand. I was fully dress, with my cock sticking out of the fly of my khakis still. I wasn't sure I wanted to get off again, but I knew I could. Bryan was hot as fuck, and I was grooving on his clear attraction to me.

"A shame," I winked, trying to make the conversation sexy again. "Maybe you could have some fun. With you coach, too."

That got a laugh from him. Bryan had a sexy smile. "I've definitely thought of Coach. A lot."

I rubbed his legs some more more, outright caressing them now. His quads were solid as fuck, hard brawn that contrasted with the soft collegiate fur. I copped a feel of his ball sac, lightly haired and ran my fingers up the lubey length of his shaft.

"Lift your legs, bud," I urged, my tone friendly even as my words were commanding.

He got that deer in the headlights look. "I've never done this," Bryan said softly.

I had a good idea what he meant. "You a virgin?" I asked. My eyes doing their best friendly look I could manage as I played with his hard dick and his balls. Not stroking him, more exploring his rigid younger dick. Getting him excited to play more.

"For fucking, yeah..." he replied. "Sorry."

I don't think I realized till then how much I wanted to tap this hot wrestler's ass. Maybe his innocence was fueling some of my desire, too. "Not gonna do anything you're not ready for buddy," I said. "Come on, just lift your legs for Daddy."

Maybe that was the magic word, because Bryan leaned back and raised his legs up.

"You can pull em back," I instructed, taking a good look before leaning forward and crouching down.

"Holy FUCK!" the kid gasped at the first swipe of my tongue. His hair down there was light, and I enjoyed the contrast with hairier guys or even the OnlyFans dudes who shaved smooth. It was a delight to lick up and down the trench and then focus more on his tight pucker.

"Jesus," Bryan gasped. He wasn't naturally verbal, but I could tell his mind was being blown. Surprised, maybe a little ticklish but he definitely loved getting rimmed.

I pulled back. That ring was drum tight all right. It made me realize I'd never eaten out a cherry hole before. My son's certainly wasn't virgin. "Go ahead and stroke off," I urged. I relished the ability to speak in my normal voice now that the cameras were off, even as some of my Masked Daddy persona came out anyway. "I want you to come kiddo."

I watched as he excitedly gripped his boner and start to stroke it. Then I dove back in. Not just rimming but fully eating him out, munching the tightness of his asshole.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," the kid gasped. I knew his orgasm was starting. I held onto the back of his meaty thighs and even pushed back a little to angle him perfectly to got to town with my tongue and my sucking mouth.

"NMNGGH!" came the grunt of his cum. Bryan's whole body was tensing up and I knew he was giving up his load in a big way.

Indeed as I pulled back I saw that beautiful creamy white wrestler muscle sprayed with splotches of his sperm. I began licking it up off his abs and chest, saving it in my mouth before I finally met him in a kiss to share it.

The snowballing caught him by surprise but he was way into it, accepting his own cum then pushing it back into my mouth, our tongues working it back and forth and frothing it up with our own saliva.

He had a big, content smile on his face when finally parted, swallowing what little seed was left on our tongues. "I thought..." he started then stopped himself.

"I know, buddy," I said. I patted his chest gently. "I won't lie... I came THIS close to pushing your boundaries."

He nodded, emotionally raw. I could tell he half wanted me to. But only half. "I know. I don't know how, but I could tell."

His hand reached up and ran along my arm through my button down shirt. "I'll probably be kicking myself for not going all the way. But I wasn't ready," he said.

"It was all great, buddy," I assured him.

"I should go," he said. "I got a long drive back to Boulder."

I pulled back and gave him one last pat as I eyed up his nakedness one more time. Bryan was the real deal. Not a "jock" for pay. I felt a strange emotional connection even with the sexual chemistry. I'd have to process why I was feeling that.

For now, I let him up and I went to piss while he got dressed again. When I stepped back from the bathroom, he was mostly dressed again, and had a dreamy, moody expression.

"Thanks for that... fuck I don't even know your name."

"Will 'Daddy' do?" I asked with a wink.

"Guess it will have to," he said with resignation. "You've made my dream come true."

I stepped up for a final kiss, then I showed him to the hotel room door.

***

I was glad Bryan didn't sleep over. I needed a good rest and I had a busy schedule with my client visit the next day.

It felt like naughty fun messaging Bryan when I got a chance, though. It started off with "had a great time" kind of texts, but Bryan admitted how he wished he'd gone all the way.

"Maybe if you're in town again, I'll have the courage," he admitted.

"I'm in town another night if you manage to get that courage, kiddo."

There was silence on his end. Like an hour and a half before I got another text, and even then it was a half hour before I had a break after my afternoon presentation.

"Sorry," Bryan wrote. "Was in class and my prof goes apeshit if we're on our phones LOL."

I texted. "I worried I'd spooked you."

This time the reply was quicker. "Dude, you don't know how horny I've been all day. You're definitely not spooking me."

I bit my lip and looked around. I probably looked like I was doing business texts on my phone. But fuck I was getting horny too. Somehing about this Bryan kid got under my skin. "Is that a yes?" I wrote. "You gonna give me your cherry?"

I was pushing boundaries now for sure, but Bryan seemed up for it now, more than the previous night. "I wanna. Yeah."

"Daddy wants to get in your hole SO bad, buddy." Then, "I'll go easy on you."

"God yes," came his reply. "I'm hard as fuck now."

God this was gonna happen. One more boundary to push. "Will you let me fuck you on camera?"

There was a pause now. Then, "Masked?"

"As you like," I wrote, almost hoping Bryan wouldn't wear one, even if I knew he would. To coax him, I added, "I'll tell you my first name if you let me film us."

"Deal. LOL."

I looked up. Folks were filing back into the conference room. I hoped my chubbed cock wouldn't show. "I gotta go. But maybe plan for 8:30? I have a work dinner before."

"God yes. I can't believe we're going to do this."

"We're going to do it, Kiddo." I assured him. "I want you so bad."

I got a blushing emoji in return and had to smile. "All right," he wrote. "Talk later."

I went into my meeting and was able to get my mind off Bryan's creamy smooth wrestler build and his cherry hole. Somehow.

I checked my messages after we wrapped up, before heading off to a business dinner. It was close to my hotel thankfully and these things never ran late. I hoped to see a message from Bryan, but there was nothing.

I did google some instructions for preparing to bottom. With the OnlyFans guys and my own son, that routine was down pat, but a newbie like Bryan could use some guidance, and I wanted the ease and comfort of topping a clean hole. I forwarded the site to Bryan.

I held off to one glass of wine during dinner. I wanted a clear head for later. By 7:40 I'd paid the check on my corporate card and bid good night to my client contacts. I had to laugh at myself by how excited I was to get back to my hotel. I did have time to stop at an office supply store and pick up a spare small camera. I figured this scene would be worth the extra vantage point.

Bryan texted when he was on his way. I stripped down from my business clothes and hung them up in the closet. I was rock hard already, and dripping in anticipation. I hadn't felt this excited since my last time with my son. I took a quick shower and put on the plush hotel robe, tying it to cover up my midsection.

I spent the rest of the time setting up the cameras. The lighting wasn't perfect but it was enough.

The knock made me realize I was a little nervous myself. I'd gotten comfortable doing porn, maybe a little too comfortable, but taking Bryan's cherry felt like a certain responsibility. I wanted it to be an incredible experience for him, and I was realizing I was totally green when it came to easing a guy out of his virginity.

Still, the sight of him made my heart beat. He was just so fucking cute and hunky. Particularly was we realized each other was nervous.

"Hey, Daddy," he said stepping in.

"Brad," I said. "You can call me Brad. Or Daddy," I smirked.

Our kiss was soft, surprisingly soft given the act we were about to do.

"You good for his, buddy?" I asked, running my hands along his outer arms.

He nodded. "I'm nervous as hell, but I'll be kicking myself if I don't do it."

"You feel like stripping down?" I asked. "There's a mask for you on the table."

I pulled mine on and then went around made sure all the cameras were on. I was pleased to see Bryan's naked body, that thick muscle lean and compact with just a dusting of hair. God, even with that build he looked every bit the 20 year old he was. Like I say, the real deal.

And I was doubly pleased to see him throwing hard. That thick five spike standing up from his lightly furred crotch, nerves notwithstanding. I watched him pull on his mask. It was a shame the viewers wouldn't see how cute he was but his body rounded out that college jock look for sure.

I pointed the camera at him. "So... we're about to have sex for a video that will be released through OnlyFans. Do you agree for me to share what I film?"

I half expected some questions, but he just nodded. "Yes."

"Good boy," I said with a laugh. That made Bryan chuckle, too, which made me glad. "Why don't you lie on the bed, face down?"

I could sense his nervousness. Maybe he anticipated face to face for his first time. "Don't worry buddy, I'll ease you into this."

He nodded silently and then complied, walking over to the hotel bed, while I filmed him with his natural jock gait. It was hot as fuck, seeing him strut and that ass of his work. Then his full body stretching out face down.

The other cameras would get a good angle - one angled on each side nightstand, the other from behind where I stood, just a little off to the side. I held the camera phone as I stepped closer, letting the camera rove over his strong back and amazing ass, up and down his legs. Maybe more jock-worship footage than we'd use, but Travis could work his magic.

Finally, I stepped back and propped the camera phone off to the side. maybe it would work for another angle. Bryan turned back to look at me, and I got off on how his back muscle flexed with his motion. Stepping up, I ran my hands along his calves, working up the length as I climbed on the bed.

I knew I'd be in good view of the cameras now as I kissed from one side of his hamstrings to the other knotted leg. I took my time working my way up.

Bryan was ready for the rim job now. Hiking his ass up, he parted his legs enough to let me in. My hands gripped his buns and did the rest.

The college kid's sigh was deep and sexual as I began licking. I wanted to put on a show. I loved rimming a guy and sometimes felt there was never enough of it in porn videos. It was always a quick lick before the top was lining up. I went full in now, eating out Bryan for a solid five to ten minutes, alternating speed and tonguework. Sometimes Bryan relaxed and let me do my magic, sometimes he bucked up against my face to maximize the contact.

I pulled back and with a hungry growl gave him a light pat. "Turn over," I urged in my deeper voice. Spittle wetted down the chin of my mask. I really wished he and I could do it without these, but the masks allowed us to fuck on camera, both of us.

I was amazed to see Bryan's prick hard and leaking clear sap everywhere. He was majorly turned on. I pulled up enough to let the cameras get a good view of his ripped, modestly jacked body.

"How many guys have fucked you?" I asked tersely. I sure hoped the "MaskedDaddy" voice was enough fo a disguise.

Bryan didn't change his voice, but his soft response was sexy as hell. "No one yet," he said.

I leaned in and kissed him. Just enough sexual urge, and enough romantic finesse. Bryan responded in turn, sucking my tongue into his mouth and moaning against me. He was nervous, sure, but also getting the case of the major horns.

I loved this, putting on a show and yet connecting one-to-one with this fine young man. I pulled up and muttered, "nice," patting his chest. I rolled off to the side and undid my robe. My hardon bounded out and both Bryan and the camera could see my exposed body with its blond fur. I pulled him to me and we started making out again.

Silently I guided him down and the kid knew what to do. Slowly he began kissing and worshipping my big prick, wetting it down with his tongue before taking me into his mouth. Practice hadn't made perfect, but he was getting much more accustomed to my size and better at blowing me.

I was determined not to get overheated. I just lay back and enjoyed this, the sensation of Bryan's soft, slow blowjob and the view of his nakedness kneeling in front of me in servicing position.

Soon, though, it was feeling too good. I nudged him off. He came up to meet me for a kiss, taking the initiative now, until I regained the upperhand in rolling him back on his back, with me on top. I could feel his hardon against mine and the warmth from his body.

Placing my mouth at his ear, I whispered, "You like being a porn star too, dont ya kiddo?"

"Yeah," he grunted back.

I knew I needed to be a little verbal with him. If the camera picked up my words, Travis could edit them out. "You're just about the hottest guy I've ever fucked, Bry."

His body actually shivered at that. The time seemed ripe. I lifted off and leaned over to pump out some lube.

He let out a hiss of air the second my greased fingers touched his pucker but he didn't flinch. Instead he spread his legs and looked into my eyes. This was gonna be good.

I pushed a digit in. Bryan was real fucking tight. But I worked him slowly. Back and forth, in and out.

"Another," I said curtly.

"God," he hissed as I penetrated him with two fingers. It wasn't bad-uncomfortable for him, but it was certainly unfamiliar to him. We stood still eyes locked, him lying back, me between his legs. Until I started finger fucking him again. I applied more lube and fingered him some more.

Finally I pulled back and removed my robe entirely, slipping it off my body and tossing it aside. Bryan's hands were on me, excited to feel up my DILF body. I let him. Between his attention and the cameras I was getting real excited. I was the one dripping now. I caught a thick thread of precum in my fingers and brought it down to his virgin hole. I fingered him up with that too.

The third finger was slow going, but I got him to relax.

"No rubber?" I have asked and half said.

"No sir," came his excited reply.

I was gonna get blue balls soon if I didn't fuck. I scooted up and pressed my prick head in place. I pressed super slow against his ring, working against the spit-slick tightness and smearing my precum against him.

I could feel Bryan's body shake beneath me, and he looked up, a real deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes beneath the mask. I worried if I waited longer his nerves would get the best of him. I pushed in.

"UNNH!" he whimpered loudly. I felt bad the entry hurt and bad that he was doing his bravest to pretend it didn't.

"Easy, bud..." I hissed, reaching down to run my hands along his hot body. This fine young man was giving me a major gift. My prick jerked an inch or two inside him, feeling the tightness of his ass clamping down on him, as I held still, then gave the shallowest of thrusts, back and forth more than in and out.

I looked at him, trying to communicate silently. Then I leaned in, pushing his legs back with my body. "You're doing good," I said.

We kissed. My cock slipped out of its toe hold but I didn't care. He needed this, and I wanted it. This was about the only time I lost track of the cameras. When I wasn't putting on a show. I connected with this college kid in a deep, soulful kiss. And kissed him som more.

I pulled back. This time I didn't rush, but I didn't delay. I pushed back into him. Bryan somehow trusted me, because his ring gave way more easily. He was virgin tight a few inches inside, but I gently thrust back and forth, working that knot inside him. I pulled out and added more lube. Now showing off for Bryan and the cameras both. Then I placed his ankles on my shoulders.

"OOH FUCK!" Came his cry when I broke through. But he wasn't in pain, just overwhelmed by feelings he didn't have word for. I plowed all the way in and held it. I could see his muscular chest rise and fall, taking deep breaths.

"Got your cherry, kiddo," I hissed.

"Thank you," he actually replied, his voice heavy in emotion. That got me going. My dick felt like stone inside his warm, tight guts.

"Feel good buddy?" My hands massaged his calf muscle as I looked down on him and restrained myself from just plowing his hot ass.

Bryan nodded.

I pulled and out thrust in. Then again. I was fucking for real now. Bryan's first fuck. Maybe more than he bargained for when he came over the previous night. But I knew this was his deep fantasy and why he reached out to me.

I wasn't hard or rough, but I fucked with a steady determination. I wanted to give this kid the best first time experience possible now. I puffed my chest and used more of a swivel action of my hips, in and out, in and out, as my eyes stared down at him. I'd probably read his facial reactions better without the mask, but his eyes and mouth were enough. I was getting to him, hitting that spot.

I paused just a second and reached to pump out more lube. This went onto his prick. He gasped as I slicked him up then got the picture once I pulled my hand away.

I grabbed a pillow and slid it underneath his hips. It made for the perfect angle, and I took quick advantage, resuming my steady plow of Bryan's no-longer virgin hole.

Turns out his masturbation was just what Bryan needed, flipping the switch to full pleasure now.

"Yeah?" I asked. Fucking heavier now.

"Yesss," the college hunk hissed back. He was jerking faster now, not frantically but eagerly and in synch with the fuck.

I saw his pisslit dilate and a clear spurt fly out. Not his ejaculation yet, but the prelude.

"Fuck yes," I grunted, throwing my hips into harder pounding. I was getting close to the finish line, and I wanted to speed up to catch up with this stud.

My harder thrusts felt amazing giving how much his ass was clenching and releasing on my dick spasmodically. But it really made Bryan's prostate sing. His pale skin grew pink and flush and his wrestler muscle tensed up.

"Shit!" he yelled and timed with each shove his nuts gave it up, and his prick spurted heavy ropes of semen over his perfect body.

I went at it even harder, leaning in some, powering my hips in rapid jabs. I didn't say anything but my grunt was unmistakeable as I shoved in and unloaded. My cum threw off my rhythm, but I held deep a second, then my hips jerked involuntarily for another hard shove to discharge my seed deep inside Bryan.

The kid winced at that one, which made me feel bad. I got myself under control and held myself steady, gently massaging his leg and then easing back. He'd been a trooper but now needed a break. I leaned back and showed off my slickened dong, though most viewers eyes would probably be on the cum-covered collegiate muscle of my bottom.

Leaning over I picked up one of the cameras. Time for the money shot.

Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced bottom, he'd watched enough porn to know what I was after. Rather than drop his legs down, he pulled them back, spreading them enough to show me and the camera his fucked and seeded hole. No longer drum tight, it has a slight gape and was thick with my cum. I'd shot a lot.

I got a good shot of it, then angled the camera up to capture his whole ripped and cum-wet body. Nothing would ever top watching my own son in porn, but Bryan was a close second.

I finally set down the phone and pulled off my mask. That was the cue Bryan was waiting for and he eagerly peeled his off.

"You OK, buddy?" I asked. My normal voice returning.

He nodded. "God yeah. I'm so glad we did that."

I gave a sly nod to the camera. "Your first time's preserved as a memento," I said. A little teasing in my voice, but checking in where his head was.

He smiled and god he was so fucking cute with that pearly white smile. "I didn't think I was gonna enjoy it at first," he admitted. "But damn..."

I ran my fingers through the cum that had turned liquidy on his chest. "You shot like gangbusters," I said.

"My cums are pretty big normally," he said. "But your dick did something inside me that made me go wild. I've never felt anything like that."

"I'm glad," I said. I leaned forward for another kiss, this one tantalizingly soft and slow.

Afterward, I let Bryan get up and shower off while I checked my phone. Then I figured I'd join him. The look on his face told me my presence was quite welcome.

"Hey," he grinned, shyly. God, he was star struck and that made me feel like a real stud.

"Hey," I said. Our wet bodies connected and we took the time to soap each other down.

"You married to a man or a woman?" he asked as he nodded to my gold band.

"A woman," I said. "I'm not the best husband."

He gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad you share yourself."

"I have news for you kiddo," I said, turning off the water and running my hands over his wet muscled body. "You've shared yourself now, too."

"Still can't believe it," he said. "When will you post it?"

"In a couple of weeks," I said. I wasn't going to bring up Travis or my process for putting the vid together.

His hands reached up to feel my body too, my chest but also my shoulders and arms.

"I'm hard again," Bryan said. "I can't believe it."

"You're 20," I joked. "It happens."

"Yeah," he laughed.

I patted his arm. "Feel like sleeping over?" I asked. "I have a morning flight to catch but you're welcome to stay."

He nodded, like an eager puppy. We dried off and made our way back into the room. I downed a bottled water to rehydrate and tossed him one. "Remind me to tip housekeeping extra," I said as I pulled down the sheets. "We made a fucking mess."

He slipped into the bed next to me. His body was cooler now, and felt great against my warmer bod. We made out. His dick was a spike and I got hard once more, but I wasn't eager for another fuck. And Bryan seemed to go with the flow.

"So..." I finally said. "No longer a virgin..."

"No sir."

"Any regrets?" I asked, leaning back in the bed against the headboard, pulling my hands behind me. Bryan nestled in, resting his head against my upper chest and running his hands along my fur.

"None. It was hot as fuck," he said. "But even if it hadn't been, I just feel relieved, you know?"

"Not exactly," I smiled knowingly.

"Ha," he said, picking up on my meaning. "I'm surprised your so good at breaking a guy in if you're cherry too."

"I'd like to say I had some secret," I admitted, "But I just did what felt right."

Maybe it was the sex. I mean it was getting late, but not that late. Bryan was dozing some as he rested up against me. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Ready for bed, kiddo?" I asked.

"Yeah, Brad," he said and rolled off to the side.

***

My son did his magic crafting two separate scenes from the footage with Bryan, as well as a very hot teaser. "Taking College Jock's Cherry" was the title of the second. The on-screen chemistry was real, and it was clear that we weren't faking it. I really did take the young dude's virginity on screen.

"God, Dad, this is fucking incredible," Travis said to me on the phone before he posted the scene. "I've shot three times to it."

I smiled. I was in a semi-public place and had to be a little discrete. "I'm very glad to hear that," I smirked. "A little payback to the one you did the other week."

"Bud and Spike?" he asked.

That one was one was OK, but not my favorite. "No, the other one," I said, cagily.

That got a laugh from Trav. "Oh, MiamiMuscles... dude's a crazy power bottom, right?"

"Yeah," I said, my throat getting hoarse with lust I was trying to hide. "I like watching you in action like that."

Travis picked up on my need to be discreet, though he had no constraints on his end. "You prefer watching me fuck, Dad?"

God, my son knew how to drive me crazy. "I do," I admitted.

I detected a hesitation on his end, which wasn't Travis's normal response to anything. He paused. "Dad... you ever think about, you know, me fucking you?"

Just hearing those words were going make me go from chubbed to boned. "It's a little scary to think about," I replied. "But yeah... I do."

"Oh fuck," Travis hissed. Only then did I realize he'd been dreaming of that very act. Topping me. Taking my anal cherry, like I'd done with that Denver kid. It surprised me actually, given our bedroom chemistry with my son bottoming for me, eager for his dad's cock. "We'll talk about it next time, OK?" he said. Not pressuring me but letting me know this was on his mind.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll probably chicken out, son. But I wanna explore the idea." I was nervous just vocalizing this.

"Sure, Dad," Trav said. "God you know I love everything we'd done together. If I were there right now, I'd suck your cock, you know that." My son was getting into deep lust mode now.

"Fuck, Trav, I should probably go," I said. I knew if I kept talking like this, I'd get in trouble. "Later, son?"

"Yeah, Dad," he replied, his voice rich with lust. I knew he was probably going to jack off when I hung up. I was going to find the time myself at the first chance. Pull up one of Travis's videos where he topped and stroke off imagining him pounding me, too.

****

My Denver videos were popular. I wasn't surprised that my fans responded to the realness of them, but I was surprised by the messages I got. They changed my porn career and it's probably not an overstatement to say they changed my life.

The first one came two weeks after the video with Bryan dropped.

"Dear MaskedDaddy, I loved your latest video. God, it's like my deepest fantasy. I'm 23 and live in DC. I don't have that college jock's bod, but I'm working on it. I've been too scared to let a guy fuck me, but if you want to be my first, I'd love to star in one of your vids. I wouldn't even need a mask."

It was a wild email, and I figured the kid's horniness doing the thinking for him. I pawed my crotch and laughed at how forward the offer was. I started to send a polite thanks but no thanks reply.

But then I thought about it, and I figured what the hell. I asked for the young dude's pictures. He was cute as fuck. Not quite as twunky as Bryan but still good looking, kind of that boy-next-door type.

Travis handled the OnlyFans money my site brought in. I didn't do porn for the money, and in any case I didn't want my finances impacted lest Kate find out.

I sent two more texts that night. One to DC guy. "If you're serious, lets plan for something three weeks from now." I knew I had some work travel on the East Coast I could piggy back on.

My other I sent to Trav. "I need your help arranging a DC visit. Gonna pop another dude's cherry."

[yeoosaangg]

Everytime || Kinktober - Day 6

pairing ▸ kang yeosang × f!reader

now playing ▸ everytime - ariana grande

⤷ ❝you get high and call on the regular, i get weak and fall like a teenager.❞

genre ▸ college au, exes to fwb, smut

warnings ▸ public sex, multiple orgasms, spanking, fingering

--------

This was not a normal party. You read the conditions sent to you by your friend.

This specific party was hosted by another college's fraternity representatives. You wonder what went through their minds when coming up with such a concept.

This was basically an orgy.

You still dressed the part, or lack there of. A white, long-sleeved crop top adorned with a black mini skirt that hung just underneath your ass. You are not wearing any panties - they were just gonna come off anyway.

The apparent bouncer let's you in, but not without smacking your ass as you walk by.

On a normal day, you'd kick him where the sun don't shine. But his behavior was expected at these kinds of parties.

You're also there to get fucked by anyone. You need to forget about your ex that dumped you two weeks ago.

He told you you weren't able to satisfy him in bed, leaving you heartbroken. He broke it off to go and sleep with other women.

You attending this party was a step in gaining that confidence back that he took from you that night.

You walk into a room, already seeing lots of people having sex. Everyone was naked and sweaty, moaning out their pleasures.

You make your way into a different part of the house, seeing multiple girls getting ate out on the kitchen counter.

A guy that was seemingly watching over everyone spots you, inviting you over to him.

?: You new to these types of parties?

Y/n: Yeah... That obvious?

?: The clothes gave it away. You can put them in this bag and get them back later.

Y/n: Thanks.

He gave you a huge permanent marker, setting your things into a cabinet. You make sure to remember which one if you plan on getting out of there.

?: I'm Sunwoo, by the way.

You introduce yourself as he helps you onto the counter. He spreads your legs, looking at you in silent permission.

You nod, giving him the go-ahead.

His lips wrap around your clit, making you arch into his mouth. He licks up and down your folds, giving you such a euphoric orgasm.

He just continues devouring your pussy, feeling your legs wrap around his head.

Your eyes flutter open, proving to be a mistake. You lock eyes with a very angry Yeosang, your ex-boyfriend.

But he has no right to be angry. He broke up with you and said you were terrible at it. He's probably been with multiple girls since then!

You smirk, pushing Sunwoo further into your pussy. His tongue fucks into your cunt, making you cum again.

He takes a breather, cheek against your thigh.

Sunwoo: You've loosened up now, I suggest you go find someone to dick you down. I've got to check on the other party guests.

You smile and nod, thanking him for helping you feel more comfortable with this sort of thing. You walk out, trying to avoid your ex-boyfriend, but it was no use.

Yeosang: What the fuck are you doing here?

Y/n: Did you fucking follow me? If you must know, I'm here to get railed.

Yeosang: No the fuck you're not. Grab your shit, we're leaving.

Y/n: Fuck off. You look like you're here for the same reason. So just go away and let me have sex.

Yeosang: No one here can satisfy you but me.

You scoff, pushing him off of you. The audacity of him to say that after what he did?

Y/n: You're a fucking hypocritical asshole! You broke up with me and said I couldn't satisfy you sexually. Now you're acting jealous after some guy ate me out better than you?

You huff, feeling absolutely annoyed by the man standing in front of you.

He grabs your arms, pinning them above your head. His eyes glare into yours, his dick pressing up into your cunt.

Yeosang: No one is better than me.

Y/n: Keep lying to yourself. His tongue made me cum faster than you ever did.

Yeosang: I miss you.

What the fuck?

Is he on drugs? Because his mood swings are all over the place.

His face buries itself into your neck, trailing kisses on your skin.

Y/n: You broke up with me.

Yeosang: Because I was scared. I've never had someone I craved more than you. I was always the fuckboy, not one for commitment. Until you.

Bullshit.

Yeosang: So I decided it was better to break up with you, that it didn't matter if you to hated me.

Y/n: I don't believe you.

Yeosang: I swear, princess. I've never touched another girl since I met you.

You want to believe him, but he broke your trust completely. He destroyed your confidence when it came to intimacy.

Y/n: I can't.

Yeosang: Let me show you how much I love you, baby. Please?

His stupid and sexy face... You sigh, leaning your head to the side so he can have access to your neck.

He does this everytime he hurts your feelings. He apologizes, makes you feel so loved, only to hurt you again. But you give in because you love him.

He starts trailing hickeys along your neck and collarbones. Goosebumps form on your skin as his tongue laps over your nipple.

Y/n: Please.

He smirks, using his middle finger to rub circles on your clit. You moan loudly, but no one bats an eye. They're too busy getting dicked down to pay attention to you.

The fact that you're in front of people, naked and having sex, gives you an excitement like no other. It's not too public, but the idea that it could very well be was intoxicating.

Yeosang: Should've punched that dude in the face. Touching my girl and making you cum. Had fun having another guy's tongue in your cunt?

You moan, nodding your head. You wanted to push your ex's buttons for hurting you.

Y/n: Made me feel good.

He starts to brutally finger you, making you scream.

Yeosang: Wrong fucking answer, love.

You whine, feeling another orgasm threatening to rip you apart. The feeling never came, Yeosang having pulled his fingers out.

Y/n: Why!

Yeosang: You're being a bad girl. You deserve to be punished.

Y/n: No, I'll be good. Promise.

Yeosang: Too late, princess.

He drags you down the hallway and into a bedroom. Three other couples were having such nasty sex, it made your pussy throb.

You want that right now.

Yeosang pulls you over his lap, hand caressing your ass. You whimper and wiggle your ass in anticipation. You call this a funishment rather than a punishment.

Yeosang: You better fucking count.

You nod, yelping at the first hard smack on your right ass cheek.

Y/n: One.

Another harsh smack, but onto your left ass cheek.

Y/n: Two.

The cycle kept going until you got to thirty spankings. Tears stream down your face, ass burning from the impact of his hand.

Yeosang: Don't act like you hated that. I can see your pussy dripping.

You bite down on your bottom lip when two of his fingers slide into you with ease. He uses his free hand to massage your red marks.

Y/n: Faster. Wanna cum.

He gives you what you want since you've done good to take your form of punishment.

You squirt all over his fingers, humming as you finally get to orgasm.

Yeosang: Sit on this fucking cock, love.

You sit up, straddling him while aligning his cock to your hole. You sink down, cunt swallowing him in perfectly.

He grips your waist, guiding you up and down his cock.

You scream and moan, arms wrapping around his neck. You pull him to a kiss, biting his bottom lip.

You match his rhythm, bouncing on his dick with such desperation. His moans fill your ear, egging you on to move your hips faster.

You bury your head in his neck, biting down while you cum again. He continues to pound into you, chasing his own orgasm.

Y/n: Gimme.

He chuckles, rubbing your clit with his thumb.

Your eyes roll back, feeling overstimulated as his cock pumps into you again and again.

Y/n: Tummy fuzzy.

Yeosang kisses all over your face, giving you permission to cum. He spills into you, staying inside your warm pussy as you catch your breaths.

Y/n: S'Good. More please.

Yeosang: So cock hungry. As you wish, love.

---

a/n: i'm in love with this man. thanks for reading ‹𝟹

[ciaonicole85]

Part 2: What Then?

I promise I have a life, but I couldn't help writing part 2 today! This takes place the same day as the "Development Day" when Syd and Carmy are thrown off by each other's answers during an ice breaker activity. Post-season 2. Feel-good fluff.

Photo Credit @drrav3nb /  drrav3nb.tumblr.com

"So those are the menu changes for Chicago Restaurant Week. If you have questions, feel free to ask me or Chef Sydney. You should also have an email from Natalie by later today. Okay, let's prep for night service!"

Carmy closed the meeting, grateful that it was finally over. He was no longer afraid of public speaking after rising in the ranks of various kitchens, but his mind was not in this ever since the ice breaker. He, Carmen Berzatto, had made Sydney's favorite meal ever? The last time he prepared the pork confit and the Milk and Honey dishes she mentioned was several years ago. Back then he was at Eleven Madison Park, a rising star on the culinary scene, who chain-smoked, slept 3 hours a night, and was berated by the EC daily. It was a nightmare peppered with flashes of genius. He was dying to ask her about it, but before he could get her attention Sydney had slipped into the kitchen.

He stared disappointed at the window that separated the dining area and kitchen.

"Hey Bear, what's up with you?" Richie said sidling up to him trying to follow his gaze.

"Nothing cousin."

"Yeah, right. I missed when it happened, but it seems like you crashed and had to reboot during the meeting. Then you were lost in Sydney-land. Want to talk about it?"

Carmy rubbed his eyes and raked his hands through his hair. When he used both hands, Richie knew without a doubt he had hit on something.

"First, cool it about Syd. That handout you gave us was really cute. And yes, there's something on my mind, but it's not for me to say."

Richie grinned and rubbed Carmy's shoulder.

"Fine, just get your head together because tonight is going to be loaded and it includes three anniversaries and a birthday. And second, you need to cool it about her or do something. It's like I'm living in The Wonder Years with Kevin and Winnie."

"What?"

"Oh, right. That's probably before your time. Kids!"

With that Richie sauntered over to the host stands to strategize with the wait staff and hosts.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Sydney who had a thousand things to do, was adding at least a hundred more onto her plate. She didn't want to appear like she had a moment to spare. She and Carmy could talk at the end of the night as usual, without any eavesdropping. This would also give her time to think of an explanation as to why she never mentioned eating at Eleven Madison Park and that she wasn't a stalker who followed him to The Beef. To top off this awkward sundae, Carmy casually admitted his favorite part of the day was closing, the only time they are alone every day. She hoped no one else had connected the dots on that last part.

The afternoon and the night never went quicker to her chagrin. Even when one of the line cooks was sent home due to illness and a large group put in an order for 7 Fishes two minutes before tickets closed, she thought the night couldn't last long enough. Fortunately, Carmy seemed resigned to waiting and didn't look at her more than usual. In a flash service was over and no one was in the mood to hang around. By 11:00pm Sydney had cleaned her station for the third time and forced herself to go to Carm's office. He sat there pretending to do busy work, patiently waiting like a child who consoled himself that his parents wouldn't make him wait too long to open his Christmas presents.

"Hey Syd...it was a good night," he said softly not wanting to scare her away.

Sydney nodded and took a seat. Might as well get it over with it.

"Okay, yes. You made the best meal I've ever had. During a break at the CIA, I went to NYC and ate everywhere on my list, including Eleven Madison Park. It was a Wednesday night and I ordered several things including pork confit and Milk and Honey."

Sydney couldn't help closing her eyes and smiling at the memory. Her guard began to slip.

"Carm, it was like tasting my future and the best part of my past at the same time. I asked the waiter who made those dishes and he said Carmen Berzatto."

Carmen leaned forward on the desk. Whenever Sydney praised him, he felt like a cactus in an unexpected downpour. He wouldn't waste a single word. Her sunny existence and her belief in him sustained him during his dry seasons. He reached for her whenever he looked at the debt they still owed Uncle Cicero, when his mother finally visited The Bear and cried saying that he had erased Mikey, and even when their success seemed too good to be true. 

Sydney opened her eyes to find him looking at her in the way he had. It was terrifying because she had a very specific plan for her career. It also thrilled her, knowing the power she had over him. Five months ago, she had been begging for his focus and now she knew every her mood, glance, and word she spoke impacted him. Once for the fun of it during a slow night she stared at him until she drew his attention and smiled. He blushed, smiled back, came towards her without saying "corner", and crashed into one of the servers, sending three Michael cannoli to the floor. That was three months ago when she first realized something was going on with him. She'd refused to abuse her power since, going so far as to convince herself that she was overestimating his feelings. Then he said the best part of his day was closing. She hoped, well sort of hoped, that they could maintain this close, but not too close partnership and friendship without complications.

After a long pause Carmen sighed and sat back in his chair.

"So, how did you find me?"

"Well, like I said when we met, it was the job posting. I recognized your name and also The Beef from my dad taking me here."

She shrugged thoughtfully.

"It felt like it was meant to be. It gave me hope for the first time since Sheridan went under."

He nodded.

"It's really strange. You came here because I inspired you and the only reason, I felt capable of attempting something this big was because of you" he said gesturing to the ceiling.

"Yeah?" Sydney whispered.

"Yeah."

He stood up and walked around to sit on the desk facing her. Now, Sydney felt vulnerable looking up at him. It was so easy for him to unnerve her when he spoke this way, like under the table.

Carmy took one her hands and after a moment brought it to his lips.

"Thank you for telling me, Syd. It means a lot."

Sydney was unable to speak. Her throat had closed.

"Soon, is your one year work anniversary and I think we should celebrate."

She nodded.

Carmy set her hand down.

"It's late. I'll drive you home."

With that they left the office, gathered their stuff, and walked to his car in silence.

As they drove, Sydney attempted to talk herself down. Was that hand kiss, an Italian thing? Possibly. It also seemed like Carmy decided to do...something, but what? Worse, she was feeling like they had traded positions in mere seconds. She'd enjoyed having the upper hand. Oh, well. With a goodnight's rest she'd be back in form tomorrow. Maybe "accidentally" brush past him, or ask him to lift something heavy for her and comment on his strength. Then it would be game over for poor Carmy bear. For now, she wouldn't worry about the work anniversary. It was probably just going to be a cake Carm commissioned Marcus to bake.

Probably.    

[artists-ally]

{Flatline} Harvey Specter x OFC {Pt.2}

Helllloooooooo. This is probably the filthiest thing I've written in a long time so I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. As I've been writing this part, I've tortured @rosedpetal to no end with a few teasers and I cannot wait for her reaction. As always, if anyone wants to be tagged in the next part lmk in the comments!!! I love seeing your guys' reactions it makes my day. enjoy loves <3 p.s. this is my birthday gift to you guys (even though it was two days ago it still counts)

Pt. 1 Character Playlist

Word count: 13,156 (holy shit)

Warnings: age gap, smut (18+), degration, exhibitionism, dom/sub vibes, language, anxiety/anxious thoughts, angst, a touch of fluff, more inaccurate lawyer shit

Summary: After Claudia and Harvey win their first case, the week and a half that follows is filled with more of Harvey's 'confidence boosters' and valuable lessons ;). But when they hit a snag in the case, Harvey can't keep the one promise he made to Claudia.

Tagging: @rosedpetal @maxdamax @ashcosmo

~~~~~

When I woke up the morning after, I didn’t know what to think. And I surely didn’t know what to do the next day. Or the day after that. Even a week later, mostly consumed with thoughts of Harvey and how to avoid him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that what we were doing was wrong. 

I mean, in ways it was. For starters, he was a name partner and I was a first year associate. He was at least ten years older than I was. Probably more. What would my parents think? My brothers? 

Hell, what do I think? 

It’s no secret that Harvey is a good looking guy; his sharp jaw, his cunning eyes and fierce smirk that always appeared whenever our eyes would meet. Just because I said I tried to avoid him, doesn’t mean my evasions worked. Nine times out of ten it always fails. Miserably. 

By the time the elevator chimed, the doors whisked open and I immediately looked to his office. Good, he wasn’t there. He always seemed to be waiting for me in his office, just watching. It was like he was stalking his prey. Which, in a way, always sent my skin burning and my mind running. Running right back to his tongue on mine, his hand in my hair… my hand wrapped around-

“Good morning, Claudia,” Donna’s perky voice nearly sent me to the hospital. She was already sitting in my cubicle. When did I end up in the bullpen?

“Jesus, don’t you know how to not give a girl a heart attack?”

She chuckled, “I like to start every day off with a surprise.” In her hand was another blue file. Labeled Friddle vs. Gustoson. It was a corporate case, something about some patent being violated and a stolen technology design.

“What is this for?” 

“Harvey wants to work with you on another case. He has not shut up about how well you did on the last one and knows you’ll bring this home too,” she was grinning. A look that meant trouble.

“Is that… all he’s talked about?” I had to be cautious. If she knew about what happened, I knew she’d tell me. But if she didn’t I certainly didn’t want her to find out. 

“I mean, he raved about that cross examination you gave. And about how nervous you were, but that he’s gonna keep working with you to help build that up because we all know you are the best damn associate this firm has to offer.”

Holy shit she didn’t know. She had no idea. Keep it cool, Claudia, don’t let your face give it all away.

“Oh,” I tried not to sigh in relief. “Yeah I was shitting bricks before the trial. But I did it, I guess.”

“You’re goddamn right you did,” she stood up, taking my hands in hers. “And you’re gonna kick ass again. And, since I know Harvey won’t say it to you, I’m proud of you. Good work, Claudia. Keep it up and Junior partner might be here sooner than you think.”

Donna’s ginger hair swayed back and forth as she waltzed away. That was a perfect way to describe her walk, a dance. I should learn how to walk like that.

I sat, firing up my computer and sorting through the motions and other filing work on my desk. It seemed like this part of the job never ended. We had to single-handedly be the reason twenty percent of the Amazon was gone. 

Other associates around me were gathered at Griffin's desk, chatting about whatever they did over the weekend. I had never, not once, been invited out for drinks or to lunch by any of the associates. Not that I expected to be, I never really made an effort. Not that I wanted to befriend any of these assholes. 

After I won the case, instead of congratulating me on keeping Harvey’s client with the firm and sending the losers running with their tail between their legs, all I got were dirty looks and hushed whispers behind closed doors. 

It made me feel nauseous. What if they knew? What if they found out about Harvey and I’s… whatever it was, and were spreading it through the office? Soon it would reach him. And if Harvey hear rumors then Donna would, and then Louis and Jessica and god knows who else-

“Griffin, Harvey wants to see you in his office,” Donna’s voice rang through the bullpen. Him and his group of dogs were not shy with the looks they gave me. My heart sank in my chest. At the same time I was relieved that it wasn’t me; at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with the hateful, resentful looks. Those were even worse than the ones of triumph. 

I occupied my ever anxious mind by burying my nose in the legal book next to my keyboard, highlighting rapidly to find the errors of some of the other associates' mistakes. Louis always had me check the others' work. He knew– either because Donna vouched for me, or he just saw that I was half competent– that I wouldn’t let careless mistakes slip through. So I always got them.

Lucky me. 

From grammatical errors to punctuation, it was endless. I wasn’t sure who this was, but they clearly have never taken an English class because they used ‘affect’ wrong. It needed to be ‘effect’. Within the same brief, they used ‘to’ instead of ‘too’, and ‘accept’ instead of ‘except’. I wanted to find whoever this was and smack them across the face because this was completely unacceptable for a Harvard graduate. 

I mean, how does one spend well over a hundred thousand dollars and not know the difference between their, there, and they’re? It pisses me off. If Louis ever saw these things before they were edited he’d have a coronary. 

A hand slammed down on my desk. I jumped halfway out of my skin and bit down on the cap of the highlighter, hard enough to have it crack and pinch my tongue. 

“Harvey wanted you instead,” Griffin bit out. His face was twisted and contorted. Obviously pissed. 

Why did he want me? 

I scrambled a little, careful to put all my papers away so we wouldn’t have another incident like I did with my first case. And I made sure to bring it with me this time, basically implanted it in my hand, just to be safe. 

“Mr. Specter, you wanted to see me?” He was looking out the window at the view below. Sometimes it made me lightheaded to think about how high up we were. I’ve never been good with heights. 

“Yes, I did.”

“Can I ask why you called Griffin in first instead of just coming to me?”

Harvey turned around, fussing with his cufflink before sitting down on the corner of his desk. “I just thought you’d like to have the satisfaction of Griffin being turned away.”

I blinked, “Satisfaction? I don’t understand, you did that on purpose?”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Harvey’s smirk was evil. 

“Why?” I still didn’t get it. Why bring Griffin in and then tell him ‘sorry, I actually meant the first year, not you’. It seemed kind of pointless when he could’ve just… “Oh…”

“Now you understand?”

“You wanted Griffin to know that he is still not the first choice, and that that first choice is me.” “It has been, and it will continue to be. If he can’t see that, then I’ll make him,” Harvey stood, coming to stand in front of me. Almost too close; we were not in the safety of an empty office, I couldn’t let him get too close.

“Why not just come to the bullpen and do it yourself?”

“Because,” he squared his shoulders, “I wanted to knock him down a peg. When I call someone into my office, or have Donna do it, it means I need them for something. I just wanted Griffin to tell you that I needed you for the sole reason of getting under his skin.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Mr. Specter-” “Harvey.” He corrected. 

I swallowed. “Harvey, I appreciate it. Well, in theory I do, but that is besides the point. Ever since we won-”

“You won,” he corrected again. I see what he’s doing. 

“I won,” I huffed, “ever since, I have had a target on my back. People are whispering about me and I don’t need you to escalate the situation. Especially with someone who already hates me.��

Harvey cast his eyes away from mine. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put unnecessary pressure on your shoulders.”

My lips pressed in a line, arms crossing over my chest. I knew what this would do, what it would look like from outside eyes: that Harvey was doing me a favor. Giving me special treatment. In a way I guess he was, but it was because I earned it. Right? I had earned this? My place by his side as an associate? Not by his side, at his side. I worked with Harvey side-by-side. And you’re goddamn right I earned it. 

Maybe Harvey’s weird Jedi mind tricks are working. As weird as they are. 

“You’ve got that look in your eye,” Harvey spoke softly. 

“What look?” He smiled, “The one where you’re having some internal conflict. Battling it out in your head like Rocky and Apollo, two greats against each other. Claudia, you’re doing great here. And I know you believe it, but you’ve gotta learn to not spiral out of control when something comes up. You can handle it.”

He’s right, Harvey’s always right. Most of the time. 

I followed his eyes to the corner of my mouth. He furrowed his brows, bringing his hand up. His thumb brushed against my skin and I froze. Spine cemented in place. What is he doing? Doesn’t he know how many people could be-

“Just some highlighter,” he reassured. I must’ve missed the cap once or twice. “Have you had a chance to look at the case?”

My brain was half melted. “Sort of, I glanced at it when Donna gave it to me. Seem’s… ballsy.”

“It certainly isn’t gonna be a walk-off,” he sighed. “Which is why I want you to come with me to the meeting with Jay Friddle. He wants to settle with Gustoson.”

“And you don’t want him to?”

“You’re goddamn right I don’t,” Harvey snapped. Not really at me, but at me. I couldn’t help the flinch, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. “Sorry. No, I don’t want him to settle. I think there is some shady shit going on, and I think he’s being framed. I’ve known Jay for five years and I know he didn’t steal their design. Whoever is behind this set him up and made this whole thing look like his fault.”

“When is the meeting?”

“Later today, two-forty.”

“Okay, give me some time to review and do some research on the employees. If he’s being framed, maybe it was an inside job. There could be someone who is from Gustoson’s posing as a loyal employee, or maybe someone cut a deal with them for a pretty penny.”

Harvey gave a firm nod, and I turned to leave. His hand wrapped around my arm and kept me from going. 

“That’s my girl,” he moved a piece of my hair from my forehead. “Always so eager to get to work.”

“Harvey,” I warned. “N-Not here.”

“No one is watching.” “How can you be so sure?” I felt that tingling feeling prick my fingers. The kind of numbness you get when something unexplainable happens and you’re not sure if it’s real. Or when your life flashes before your eyes. 

“Look around?”

I gently turned away from his touch, looking around at the weirdly empty office. All those around were occupied, engaged in conversation and not paying attention. Even Donna was nowhere to be found.   

“I can see that our first… session,” he decided on. His front was pressed close to my back, lips right against the shell of my ear. “Has started to work. You took precedent and responsibility without a second thought. But, you were still wary when I called you in here. I think I need to weed it out of you. Give you something to be in control of.”

A single finger trailed the length of my spine. I could barely breathe. My body, which was not helping me in any way, leaned back into him. 

“How about this, while you’re doing your research, you think of what you want. Of how I can please you, of how you can take control of me. Then whenever we get back, meet me in the file room on the fiftieth floor. How does that sound, sweetheart?”

He was a twisted son of a bitch, that's for sure. 

“Yeah,” I nearly choked on my own tongue when his hand wrapped around the back of my neck. “Yeah I’ll think about it, Harvey.”

“Good girl, Claudia.”

_____

Focus? What was that? How does one simply focus after they’re told they’re gonna have their deepest fantasies lived out in just a few hours? All I could do was think about Harvey between my legs. His fingers wrapped around my neck. 

Of course I knew what I’d ask him to do, but physically saying the words out loud was a whole other thing. That’s what I'm not sure I can do. And I know he’ll make me say it before he’ll even think about giving me what I want.

God damn Harvey Specter. 

At first it had been anxiety that consumed me about him; wondering when he was gonna pop by and request, demanding rather, that I help him with something. But now it was different. I craved him. His mouth on mine, his scent. Harvey always smelled so good. It was calm and didn’t give me a headache like most of them do. Definitely not a cedar or pine or some other woodsy bullshit. Mellow is a great way to put it. 

His hands certainly won’t be mellow when they’re working in and out of- okay Claudia that’s enough. My computer is spinning spinning spinning in circles as I wait for some files to be uploaded. 

When Harvey had me leave his office, not without pressing his obvious need into my ass, I went straight to looking into those employees. About four hours of searching through employee records and cross checking them with ex-employees of Gustosons. Most of them were clean, a few that had a past, but nothing in relation to what we needed. 

That was until I stumbled across one of the hiring managers. His name was Nelson and he seemed like a grade A asshole. He had worked with Gustoson for ten years before leaving and making his way to our client. And he brought over some of the IT department. 

Bingo. 

“Hey Claudia, Harvey wants to know if you’re ready to go for the meeting?” Donna paused by my desk. 

“Yes, I just need to run to the printer and then I will be right in,” I smiled up at her, tucking my file under my arm and grabbing my keys. “Tell him I’ll be right there.”

She hummed and waltzed off. If I had been alone in the bullpen I’d one hundred percent be trying to copy her movements. I mean, how was it possible that she moved so smoothly in a pair of stilettos? I could barely walk in a straight line with flats or a wedge. 

Donna was mind blowing. Donna was Donna. 

By the time I made it to the printer, my papers were there and I just skimmed over them just to make sure I wasn’t taking anyone else's. I had done that before; one of the first weeks I had been working here. I sent my papers to a printer three floors below ours and accidentally grabbed another associate’s. I was mortified, but the girl, Kathrine Bennett? Kaitlyn? Something like that, but she was really nice. She had done the same thing once. I think she got fired and was now at a rival firm. A shame, I wish I got the chance to know her. 

This might seem kind of weird, but I oddly loved the feeling of freshly printed paper. It was always kind of warm and had this very light scent. And it was smooth and easy to flip through. One of those things that brings me a little bit of joy in this hellscape. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” I damn near buckled to the floor. Harvey’s voice was right against the back of my neck, and the presence around me suddenly felt all too warm.

“Jesus Harvey,” I chuckled, trying not to let my fingers tremble. “Maybe don’t sneak up behind me like that?” “I said your name, but you obviously didn’t hear me.”

No. I didn’t. But I did feel his hand slip up the back of my thigh. I went motionless. My breath came out in stutters as he dragged it across my ass, up and around my hip, palm flat against the space right below my belly button. Harvey pulled me back into him, his earlier arousal still there. 

Had it gone away at all? Or did he walk in here just now and get another? No, that couldn’t be. I mean, it wasn’t like I was trying to get a reaction out of him or anything. 

“Harvey I-”

“I locked the door.”

That settled me instantly. I let my hand find the back of his head, letting his lips brush over my neck and shoulder. “Seems like you’re the one who couldn’t wait.”

“Not when you look like that, no. I can’t resist you when you taunt me like this. With a skirt this short, those buttons undone a few more than they had been earlier.”

“I was just hot,” I explained. 

“Oh trust me, I know how hot you are.” Harvey must’ve seen my eye roll at his terrible joke. “You’re right, I couldn’t wait until after our meeting. I needed to have something to hold me over.”

His hands crept around to my chest, fingers ever so gentle as they skimmed over my shirt. As if Harvey’s hands commanded my will, there was nothing I could do to keep from sighing out when he pinched my nipples. It forced me to arch back into him. 

“You’re sensitive, aren’t you? That is very good to know. Where else are you so sensitive? Here?” He kissed right below my ear, then nipped at it. Another spine bending shudder. God damn that laugh of his. “What about here, hmm?” He tugged up the edge of my skirt, toying with the waistband of my underwear, letting it snap back against my skin. “Aww, look at how much you want me to touch you. You’re a writhing mess aren’t you?”

“Harvey,” I pleaded. 

“Harvey what?”

That son of a bitch. I knew he was going to do it and yet I still wasn’t prepared. 

“Harvey, we're gonna be late for the meeting.”

“It’s at three.” 

He turned me around, hand on my neck, so fast I almost went dizzy. He backed me up against the wall and had this devious look on his face. Harvey crushed his mouth to mine and wasted no time sweeping his tongue into my mouth.

I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop him. He was such a good kisser, so dominant and reactive to my endless noises. And he was really good at pulling them from me. 

Harvey lifted under my thighs and pushed my skirt back in the same motion, planting me against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist. It was hard to remember what happened next, but he was quick to pluck open a few more buttons of my shirt and pull my bra down.

If I thought his tongue felt good on mine…

I had to put my own hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make any noise. Well, I did a shit job, but it wasn’t too loud. 

His mouth was hot on my skin, leaving behind small bruises and wet marks. He bit down, and I hissed, and he grinned before letting up. He slowly set me down, not breaking eye contact as he seamlessly fixed my bra and shirt, reshuffling my skirt back to where it was before. 

“If you liked that, just wait till I get my tongue between those legs of yours. And don’t you worry, sweetheart, I promise I will be far less controlled when I taste you for the first time.”

And then he was gone. He left me there. 

I ran my fingers through my hair, schooled my face into the best neutral one I could and followed him out. Not too close, I didn’t need anyone speculating. 

How Harvey managed to keep his face unreadable was unbeknownst to me. It seemed impossible, I’d need a cold shower and at least seventy-two hours notice to get my head back on. But there he was in the lobby. Totally stoic. Totally unphased. Totally not looking like he had his teeth leaving marks on my chest and making wetness pool between my legs. 

“Oh, there she is,” Donna sighed in relief. “We were starting to think you ran away. Get going you two, you’re gonna be late. Go kick their ass in that depo.”

“Seems like that's all Claudia knows how to do,” Harvey said, giving me a wink when Donna walked off after wishing us good luck.

“You really do not know how to keep it in your pants,” I led the way to the elevator. 

“Why would I want to when I have you to take care of it?”

I just stared blankly at him, his grin spreading wider and wider. God damn Harvey Specter. 

When we slid in the backseat of the car, his hand immediately went to my thigh and it was all I could think about. It was so warm, and so deceptively big. Long fingers brushed over my skin, leaving goosebumps behind.

I had a feeling he was doing all of this on purpose, trying to get me riled up for after this meeting. Since I can’t get away from him, especially right now, all I could do was think about what I wanted most from him. 

To see him smirking between my legs while he made me come undone has got to be at the top of the list. I wonder if he’ll like the way I taste. Shit I haven’t shaved in for-fucking-ever. Is he gonna be disgusted? What if he thinks I’m unhygienic for not taking care of it?

I mean… it hasn’t been that long, a month or two? But I wish I would’ve thought about it. It never occurred to me, even after the endless daydreams, that we’d actually continue all of this. Especially to this much. 

By no means was I a virgin, but I haven’t been in a serious relationship in well over a year, so why did I need to keep things neat down there?  I do not do hookups. Never had, never thought I would. But this technically also wasn’t a hookup? 

What the hell would you even call this? 

My mind was rampant at this point. Going in a billion different directions, all delusional thinking. It was irrational. Not true. And I knew that, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about them. I couldn’t steer my mind away from one in particular: did Harvey even think I was attractive? 

It might seem like a silly question when, about twenty minutes ago, he had me moaning his name in the file room. But it still crossed my mind. Maybe he just thought I was naive and easily manipulatable. That he could have me just because he could, you know? 

It made me feel sick to my stomach. 

Why are you torturing yourself, Claudia? Obviously Harvey finds you attractive. He straight up left bruises on your skin with how eager he was to get at your tits, give yourself a little grace for once.

Why was my inner conscience now sounding like Harvey? I never told myself to ‘give a little grace’. He’s getting in my head. Changing the way I think and talk about myself. Then again I guess that was his whole reason for doing this in the first place-

“Hey pretty girl,” Harvey tapped my leg. “What are you thinking about so hard? You’re white-knuckling your seatbelt.”

Pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl…

I broke out into a huge smile. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

_____

My grin was permanently plastered on my face. We absolutely blew their fucking heads off in that depo. They had no idea what hit them.

“And when you threatened to put Nelson on the stand? Ugh, perfection, the look on their face was priceless. I’ll be replaying it all night and into tomorrow. That shit was awesome,” I couldn’t help the giddy squeal I let out either.

Harvey smiled brightly, a fondness to his face that I hadn’t ever seen before when our eyes met in the elevator on the way back to the firm. 

“Now do you see why I like winning so much?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I can definitely see how it gets addicting. That was… wow. That was amazing. You were amazing, we were amazing.”

“...And?” He pressed. I flushed, I couldn’t fucking help it. 

“And I was… amazing.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?”

“You’re one cruel son of a bitch you know that right?” I rolled my eyes. “I was amazing.”

“There you go,” that same fond smile from before showing again. “Now say it again like you actually believe it.”

“I do actually believe it-”

“Say it again.” The smile was gone. 

My throat worked down and I shifted on my feet, clutching my purse in my hands. Just do it and get it over with.

“I did fucking amazing,” I said with a little more umph. It worked, Harvey grinned like the Devil and caught my mouth with his right before the door chimed open. 

“Oh, and before you go and spend all night replaying it over and over, there’s something else I’d like to have you remembering more.”

When I glanced up, I saw that it wasn’t the firm, but the fiftieth floor. The goddamn file room… I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten? I trailed behind him as he led the way, anxiety swirling so violently in my stomach I wasn’t entirely sure that I wasn’t gonna vomit. 

My brain immediately kept trying to think of ways out of it. But my stupid fucking feet kept moving. Why did they keep moving? I didn’t want them to move-

“Claudia, is everything okay? You look… really pale,” Harvey asked once he shut the door and locked it. He looked incredibly concerned, which really only made it worse. “If you don’t want to do this right now we don’t have to.”

“It’s not that,” I shook my head, plastering a smile on my face. Don’t let some god damn hair ruin this, Claudia. You’re gonna be fine. Deep breaths. “Well?”

“Well… what?” He took a step closer, taking my purse from me and setting it on a cabinet. 

“Aren’t you going to ask what I’ve been thinking about? What I’ve been wanting all day?”

“Oh I already know,” he said. “I just want to see if you’re going to tell me or not.”

Touche.

“I don’t need to ask you,” I felt my anxiety melt away, and that surge of power rush in my veins. The same way it did Harvey and I’s first night. “You said you wanted to please me, and if you already know what I want, why aren’t you already between my legs giving it to me?”

His hand on my neck was the only validation he gave me before lifting me up onto a counter, or a cabinet, I didn’t really care.

Wow I can’t believe that actually worked. We’re getting the hang of this, bitch. Keep it up.

Harvey’s tongue tangled with mine, pulling strings of pleas and moans from me. He unbuttoned my shirt yet again, adding to the marks he left earlier. I laid down; thankfully whatever I was on was long enough. Being tall has its perks for sure, but doesn’t necessarily work for these particular scenarios. 

As he bent over me, I let my shoes slide off, wrapping a leg around his hip so my front melted with his. I ground against him, and he wasn’t shy about what it did to him. He pushed back, hand palming at my chest, the other pinning my other thigh to the surface. 

It was so hard to breathe with him over me. But in the most pleasurable way possible. An intoxing sort of suffocation of having his mouth on mine, his chest pressed close, his very obvious arousal doing wonders for my own. 

The second his hands began to push up my skirt, those thoughts came with it. I felt the panic rise in my chest, and the confidence I had built up crumbled to the floor. 

“H-Harvey-”

“Yes, sweetheart?” His voice was sickly sweet and it almost made all those thoughts go away. 

“I umm- I just don’t want you to be- I haven’t… god I am so sorry.”

“You’ve never had someone go down on you?” Harvey asked, eyes wide. “Who the hell have you been with in the past cause they were obviously assholes and I’ll-”

“No no Harvey,” I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then what, Claudia.”

“Nothing nothing, it’s fine, just go back to-”

“Not until you tell me everything's okay. Just tell me, it’s alright, sweetheart,” his voice was so tender. And his eyes, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that they were loving in a way. But that was most certainly an irrational thought. 

I blushed, so much felt it go down my neck and light up my chest. 

“Claudia-” “I haven’t shaved,” I blurted out. “I didn’t know this was happening and if I did I would’ve cleaned up for you so if you don’t want to I understand and we can do this another time but I don’t want you to be disappointed and grossed out and-” I actually yelped. He forced my skirt off, pulling off my stockings and tossing them over his shoulder. Then slid my underwear down my legs, not before he made fun of the little pink bow that was on the front. 

He splayed my legs wide, throwing one over his shoulder, pinning the other down. The first touch of his tongue nearly made me tear up. His mouth was so hot. So warm and it felt so good as it curved in and out of me. 

Bliss. Pure, raw, satisfying bliss encased me. I jolted when he flicked over my clit, sending a very much welcome tremble down my spine. I arched up and couldn’t help but grind against his face.

Harveys nails left dents in my skin. I hoped that they would bruise. He was not shy about how good I tasted. He had such a filthy way of describing what I did to him, and he knew that every word would get an even more filthy noise from my chest. 

I could see my wetness smeared on his cheeks; I was a mess since the car on the way to the meeting. Which was well over two hours ago now. It made everything feel that much better. 

Harvey took my leg off his shoulder, pushing it flat to the counter. He then took my chest between his fingers, definitely not careful with how hard he pinched and pulled. My legs quivered, clamping against his head, only for him to force them back down. 

“Keep them there,” he stood, wrapping his palm across my throat. “I’m gonna make you cum on my tongue, but you’re not going to do it until I say, understand?”

“Yes, Harvey.” I thought about calling him sir, but I wasn’t sure what it would do. I really really really wanted to know, but it was more than likely something we should save for the privacy outside of the office because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my screams at bay.

I could barely do it right now. 

He brought me in for a possessive kiss before laying me back down and settling between my legs. His fingers scratched and marked the insides of my thighs. I could feel my release building, and how on earth he knew I’ll never know, but every time I got relatively close, he slowed down, sending me right back to the start. It was infuriating, and I almost said something, but then he kept going. 

And kept going and going and going-

“Harvey,” I sighed, breathless and airy. I had to bite on my fingers to keep from making too much noise. Again, I was doing a really shit job. 

“Not yet,” he ordered. “Harvey I can’t…”

“Yes, you can, sweetheart. And you will because you love doing what I tell you, don’t you? You love being on display for me while I have my way with you.” I did. “You don’t even need to say it, I can taste how much you want it. Such a good girl for me, now be good and take it just a little longer and I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

I had no doubt that he would, so I nodded. I bit my lip and nodded. His smirk was devastating as he swiped his thumb through my folds and pressed it to my lips. I sucked urgently, showing him just how good I wanted to be. 

Something changed in his eyes then. It wasn’t just dominance that resonated behind his shaded eyes. It was a look of possession, of ownership. There was definitely a whole other side to Harvey I hadn’t seen yet, but I’d be damned if I didn’t do anything to see it. 

So I placed my foot on his shoulder and pushed until he knelt back on the ground. His grin was wild, purely animalistic and feral in a way. 

Harvey Specter, aka the best damn attorney in the state of New York just knelt to the ground because you told him to. This man is bent to your will, you can make him do anything.

He resumed his mostions, taking the time to mark my thighs even more. I couldn’t think straight anymore. I don’t know how long it's been since we started, but I was quivering, begging for a release. It was right there, so close and so far away at the same time but if I could just get a little more…

“You taste so fucking good, Claudia. I want you to cum on my tongue and don’t you dare be fucking shy with those pretty little noises of yours. I want to know exactly how my tongue is making you feel, just how good you feel. You want to be good, don’t you?”

I nodded rapidly, saying just as much. “Yes, Harvey, yes I want to be good for you.”

“You’re learning so well,” he looked like he was in a daze. “Cum for me, sweetheart. Be my good girl and give me what I want. I know just how much you need it.”

It came so fast it caught me off guard. His fingers… his tongue… it was otherworldly. I haven’t ever felt this euphoric. I kept my noises down, but my breath was out of control, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth. 

Harvey didn’t let up even with my release, he kept going going going even well after I began to settle back down. I tried to get him to let up; I couldn’t speak so I pushed against his shoulder but he pinned my ankle down.

He wasn’t done with me. 

He licked me dry, gently kissing my skin when he was done. Sweat lined my hair and back, but he was done. And I was limp and thoroughly worked over. 

“I knew you could be good,” he cooed. His hand brushed over my exposed chest, toying with me a little before helping me sit up. He carefully helped dress me again, letting my head come back before kissing me again. Not only did he taste like me, he smelled like it too. 

But his kiss was soft. Softer than it had been before. 

“Feel alright?” he asked, and all I could do was nod. He chuckled, motioning for me to hop down. Harvey’s hand steadied me as he picked up a foot and placed my shoe one, doing the same for the other. This… fizzy feeling bubbled in my chest as I watched him. 

It made me smile uncontrollably. 

“What are you so smiley about?” He asked, welcoming me when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 

“Nothing,” I sighed, a content sigh and let my chest rest against his, chin on his shoulder. “I just feel… nice. Really really nice.”

Harvey laughed, “Well I’m glad you feel really really nice. You tasted really really good.”

I swatted at his chest. When we were this close, it was easy to forget all the complex things about our situation: the fact that he was my boss, or how much older he was than me. That he just ate me out like a god in our file room after a huge step in our case. There were so many risks in all of this, but right here none of them seemed that big. A swirling thought in the back of my head wouldn’t let them go, but they could be tamed in this moment.

“Oh, don’t you ever feel embarrassed about not being ‘cleaned up’ for me. I don’t care. Getting to be between your legs is an experience I am beyond privileged to get. You don’t ever have to worry about me being disgusted by you or your body. It’ll never happen, never gonna be possible, Claudia.”

For a long time, I had always thought that Harvey was kind of a dick. They he never gave a shit about anyone other than himself and his reputation. Clearly that wasn’t the case. He, very obviously, cared a whole hell of a lot more than I thought. 

Clearly Harvey cared for me beyond the idea of our sexual desires. I genuinely believe that he wants me to have more confidence in myself. This is just killing two birds with one stone. And I certainly didn’t mind having Harvey Specter between my legs.

“Would you like to-”

“Oh, Harvey what are you- oh, hi Claudia. What are you guys doing in here?” Louis asked. I instantly detached myself from Harvey and took a huge step back. “Is everything alright? Claudia you look really flushed, are you not feeling well? Do you need to go home?”

“No, no Louis I’m alright,” I could feel my skin ignite. “We were just… looking for old files for our case. I just needed a hug. Stress is a bitch.”

How did you manage to pull that outta your ass? 

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. I give the best hugs on earth. Get over here,” Louis insisted. 

“Thank you Louis, but I’m-”

“It’s non negotiable,” he nodded. “Come on, bring it in my dazzling little friend.”

I looked at Harvey who was clearly trying not to burst out in hysterical laughter. I hugged Louis, and it was surprisingly good. Not as good as Harvey, but then again maybe I was just a bit biased. 

“You know my door is always open to you, Claudia,” Louis reassured before he grabbed a box, the one right where I had just been laid out, and practically skipped away. 

When the door shut, I covered my face and Harvey nearly fell over. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I wanted to evaporate and never be seen again. There was no way that Louis just… I appreciated his complete obliviousness. More so than ever.

“Okay, that might’ve been more entertaining than sticking it to Gustoson.”

“Not a word, Specter,” I warned. 

“Specter, huh? Well, Martin, you’re lucky I’m in such a good mood because I would really love to go tell Donna about this little interaction.”

My heart sank. “Does she know?”

“No,” my heart began to beat again. “Which baffles me. You are really terrible at wearing your emotions on your face, by the way."

“I don’t understand how you can be so calm, it makes no sense. My brain scrambles and my mouth disconnects from it. I couldn’t believe I managed to spit out something coherent when Louis walked in.”

“It’s cute watching you stutter.”

I blushed.

“That's cute, too.”

“Shut up.” Harvey smiled. “Would you teach me? How to have some sort of a poker face?”

“You want me to?” I nodded, and he looked off behind me, obviously thinking of something. “Okay, stay after everyone has gone home tomorrow, I have an idea.”

“Uh oh, don’t hurt yourself.” He grabbed my arm, laying a firm hand on my ass. I yelped at the smack, eyes going wide.

“Wanna try that again?”

“If we weren’t in an un-sound-proofed office I’d say yes.” That didn’t stop him from doing it again, only this time spinning me around and pushing me down on the counter, fisting my hair and yanking hard enough to bring a tear to my eye. 

“Two strikes, Caudia. Be careful how you read the next pitch.” I really wanted to make an awful sports joke, but I didn’t need to risk someone else walking in and seeing this. There would be no way to explain around it. 

I’d have to move to Antarctica and become a penguin. 

“Okay okay,” I mumbled out. He released me and I turned around. Not without feeling how hard he was. I pulsed between my legs again. Man, did I want to feel that between my legs. I already had a good idea of what he looked like, and god damn did I want it. 

“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” Harvey said, playing with my hair. “Try not to think of me too much, my Claudia.”

My Claudia…

My mouth was dry. “You know I will.”

“Of course you will,” he winked before turning.

I was certainly not going to let him have the last laugh. 

I’d wait a couple hours and then attack. I had a plan, surely one he’d never see coming. It was almost six now and I couldn’t think of anything work related. Just Harvey. I had that sore, sweet burn of an overstimulated release still, and couldn’t feel more content.

But I wasn’t satisfied by any means. 

I waited a little longer before printing out the transcription from our depo to go over. Yes, we had boxed Gustoson in and backed him into a corner, but like Harvey always said, when there was a gun pointed to your head there were seventy-five other ways out. We had to be prepared for every single one. 

When I picked them up, I swung by Donna’s desk.

“Hey hot shot,” she cheered. “Heard about the depo, you really are one hell of a lawyer, aren’t you?”

“Well, what can I say? I’m just awesome at what I do,” I beamed. “Do you know where Harvey went? He wanted to go over it so we can get a clear idea of what their next move will be. I think they’re all out of cards to deal, but you never know.”

“Harvey really is rubbing off on you,” she looked me head to toe. Hide the face, hide the face. “Did something happen between you two? You’re like- glowing.”

Shit shit shit shit shit-

“No- well, no not really.”

“What do you mean ‘not really’?” She joined me on the other side of her desk. “Claudia, did he yell at you cause if he did I can-”

“No no, Donna. Everythings fine, more than fine actually. I am just… starting to feel more comfortable around him, is all. I don’t feel so nervous to be around him.”

“That’s fantastic,” Donna smiled, bringing me in for a hug. I prayed she didn’t feel my sweat back. “Good for you, Claudia. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I know he can be a hardass, but there is a method to his madness.”

“You don’t say,” she had no fucking idea. This was great. “Let me find him, I’ll be back before you leave to let you know how the depo really went.”

She just raised her eyebrows before I walked away.

Time for some real fun.

I pushed open the bathroom door, someone on their way out giving me a weird look. Harvey was at the sink washing his hands when he saw me.

“Claudia, what are you-”

I looked under the stalls and thankfully no one was in here. I locked the door. As I planted myself in front of him, I spoke so coolly it didn’t even sound like my voice. “You didn’t think I could leave you high and dry, did you? What kind of good girl would I be if I didn’t return the favor.”

“Claudia, sweetheart you don’t have to-”

“I want to. And I’m going to.”

I slipped to my knees, my eyes never leaving his. Even as I popped open the button of his trousers and untucked his shirt. They fell to his ankles and I let his briefs join them. He was hard and waiting for me so I didn’t waste time to build the confidence.

It was already there. 

Harvey braced against the sink when my tongue ran up the backside of his shaft, slowly starting to take him into my mouth. I worked it all the way in, earning a deep, guttural noise from him. 

“Jesus fucking… Claudia…”

I felt a rush of pride run through me at the thought of him not even being able to speak. It only motivated me that much more. 

I worked up and down, pausing every now and then to focus on the tip, ever so gently letting my teeth graze for a little extra pleasure. I wasn’t sure if he was going to like it, but he shivered. And when I did it again, he did it again. He was under my control.

I couldn’t help the spit that collected and fell down my chin, or the tears that fell from my eyes and smeared some of my mascara. I knew he didn’t mind because when he looked down, he swore and bucked his hips.

“God you look so hot stuffed full of my cock,” he put his hand on my head and pushed me all the way down. “And you know how to take it all the way, I didn’t even have to teach you. Such a good fucking girl, Claudia. If your throat feels this good I can’t fucking wait to be inside that pretty pink pussy of yours. I know it’ll be a tight fit but you’ll take it like such a good girl won’t you?”

I nodded, humming around him as he began to fuck my mouth. 

“Yeah, you love this, don’t you? Being full of my cock. I just know you were dying to taste it, huh? Go on then, open really fucking wide for me.”

His hips were brutal, pushing more tears out with every thrust. Harvey let the praises and moans fall from his mouth like the sweetest candy. I had to brace my hands on his thighs so he wouldn’t break my nose. That’s how hard he was going. 

“Gonna cum, sweetheart. You're gonna take it all down, aren’t you? Just wait until I get you on your hands and knees so I can fill you up and have you begging for it.”

I couldn’t help the whine that came out. Granted it was broken up by his thrusts, but that somehow made it dirtier. 

Harvey released, stilling his hips, pushing deep until his body lay flush with my face. He pulled out, cum coating his skin. I was more than happy to clean it off for him. 

“Awww look at you, Claudia. Being such a sweet girl and cleaning me up. God you are such a funcking slut for me. Show me.”

I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, presenting it to him. Again, that dark, feral look was in his eyes. He grabbed me by my neck and pulled me to my feet. His eyes never left my tongue.

“Swallow.”

I did. Harvey’s laugh was cruel. His thumb was pressed right up against my esophagus, and I knew he felt it go down.

“I am going to fucking ruin you for anyone else, Claudia. I am going to take you apart and put you back together over and over again until all you’ll know is my name and how to breathe.”

I clenched my legs together, already feeling my desire come back. He let go and I bent to put him back together this time. When I put the button back through the slit, I made sure to keep my eyes on him. I gave a pat to his chest before turning for the door.

Before I left, I looked over my shoulder, swiping my thumb across the corner of my mouth to get a remaining drop of him. I dragged it over my tongue, giving my own devastating wink before leaving him alone.

_____

There were plenty of ways I could’ve spent the next twenty-four hours. Were any of them productive? Absolutely not. No matter how much water or tea I drank, I could still taste him on my tongue, and it only made me that much more distracted every time I remembered it.

I loved it when he told me how good I felt. 

Not only was Harvey incredibly good at being a lawyer, he was very diligent with his body. So responsive to every touch and noise I made. He made doing all of this feel not so intimidating.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I did feel like it was working. never in a million years would I have the balls to initiate an intimate moment with him, let alone any type of moment.

His madness was working. A little too well.

What he had planned next was beyond me. Apparently he went out for the day, according to Donna, who also told me he cleared the rest of his schedule for the night and asked if I knew anything about it. I felt bad lying to her, but I didn’t really know what else to do. She couldn’t know yet, I needed to wait. 

But when she came to check on me, eyes a little bloodshot from staring at this damn computer all day, she wished me good luck tonight and headed home. She hoped that Harvey wouldn’t run me into the ground.

I knew we weren’t going to get any work done. 

And I was so excited. 

I waited. And waited. And waited for Harvey to come find me. Maybe he was still out? I had no idea. I was about to call him when he walked into the bullpen.

“Oh, hey I was just looking for you.”

“Good,” the corners of his mouth curled up. “Come on, let's go to my office.”

I was more than eager to follow. When I got there, there was a bag on the corner of his desk, a note pad and a pen. “What’s all this?” “You asked me to help you with keeping your face unfazed. Well, I’m gonna help you. You’re going to sit in my lap while I’m inside you and we’re going to sit on this conference call with one of my clients in California. You’re gonna learn how to keep your voice steady while taking notes for me or everyone's gonna know what we’re doing. Are we clear?”

My whole world was tilted on its axes. This could go wrong on so many levels. My mouth voided any saliva and I couldn't process this idea.

“Harvey is this really a good idea when-” “You always do this, Claudia. We do something, you question it, and then you realize afterwards that I was right. When are you going to start trusting my ideas and just do what I say?”

I just rolled my eyes, “Fine. You’re right, and I do trust you."

“Of course I am, I’m Harvey Specter.” I really wanted to smack him, but he moved away before I could. He opened the bag and pulled out three boxes of condoms. “I wasn’t sure which kind you preferred so I grabbed a few options.”

That was, weirdly enough, one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. I know, it seems kind of lame, but it was incredibly thoughtful. I read the back of the boxes, settling on one and putting the others back in the bag. 

Everything’s gonna be fine, Claudia. He’s right, he knows what he’s doing. We’ve got this, just breathe and everything is gonna go great… holy shit you’re about to fuck Harvey. This is really about to fucking happen holy fucking fuck-

His presence in front of me took my rushing thoughts away. I smiled up at him before kissing him a few times. No turning back now. 

We didn’t dare fully undress, but I slipped down my bottoms and hiked up my skirt, Harvey doing more or less the same. Harvey brought my back to his front and gently swept my hair over my shoulders to help soothe me. I was shaking a little. 

“Relax, sweetheart. You’re gonna feel so good, I promise you.” Chills. All over my body. 

I eased down onto him, with his help, and settled into his lap. It burned and stretched so well. It took a good few steady breaths to adjust and let myself loosen up. 

“Good girl, Claudia,” he praised, that sickly sweet tone back once again. “That’s it, just lean back and let me do the rest.”

Harvey trailed his hands over my thighs, pulling my knees open so they fell over his own. I sighed out when his finger dragged around where we connected and up up up to where I was still so sensitive. I jolted, and he turned his face into my neck.

“Ready?” He asked, and I nodded. He dialed a number on the phone and it rang a few times before a voice came through the other line. “Brian Fergison, how is the West Coast treating you?” “Oh it’s a dream, Harvey. An absolute dream, you gotta come out here one of these days,” Brian said enthusiastically. “I have my insurance broker, CEO, accountant and consultant on here as well. Thomas, Daniel, Michael and Henry.”

A collection of hello’s and hey’s came through. “Nice to speak with you gentlemen. I have my personal associate, Claudia with me here. She’s been helping me out on a few cases recently and I thought I’d show her more of the big leagues.”

“It’s a pleasure to have you, Claudia. If you’re Harvey’s personal associate, you must be one hell of a lawyer,” Brian boasted and I could feel my flush. 

“Lets just say that I can give one hell of a nasty cross examination,” I said, voice calm and collected despite Harvey's fingers between my legs. “Most first years don’t get an opportunity like this so I appreciate it.”

“Wow, Harvey, where do you keep finding all these kick ass young stars?” “Harvard,” I answered for him, earning an array of laughs through the phone. I looked over at Harvey who had a devious grin plastered on his face. He thrusted up particularly hard, almost making me gasp out loud.

So that's how it's going to be?

I clenched hard, making him flinch. He dug in his nails as a warning. I listened.

“Alright, let’s get to the business at hand. I was hoping we could all discuss what is at stake for my company with the new rules and regulations…”

The conversation faded out for me. I half paid attention to what they were saying, but focused mostly on Harvey. And these stupid notes he had me taking. It was a steady pace, not fast at all, leisurely. He hit deep inside me, and it was incredibly difficult to not make any noise. I did my best to keep my face neutral, even though we weren’t on camera or anything. 

His hands crept up my shirt and played with my chest, making it even harder. I throbbed around him, hissing slightly. His grip shifted my hips, rocking me back and forth to grind even deeper. 

My wetness stuck to him and made noises I thought only we could hear.

“Is someone eating or something? What is that noise?” Brian asked. I went frozen, but Harvey pinched my nipple again as if to say ‘go on, answer him’.

“Sorry, Brian,” I responded, voice still together. “Harvey is a bit of a hardass and hasn’t let me have a break all day to eat. I’ll put us on mute and we can chime in if need be.”

“All good, and make sure Harvey hears that he needs to take it easy on you over there. Give that poor girl some time to breathe, man.”

“Don’t worry, Brian, she can handle that and a whole lot more.” Even I could hear the grin in Harvey's voice. I reached around me and hit the mute button, then sat up so abruptly I nearly smacked into the table. He placed one hand on the center of my back, holding me there, the other fisting my hair and pulling. Hard.

“You’re asking for it, aren’t you?” “And if I am?” I said, my breath stilling in my chest. 

“This is not how this call is going to go. It’s forty minutes long, so I hope you’re ready for that. Be careful how you speak about me because I can make this really fun for me and miserable for you.”

“I thought this was your idea in the first place,” I wasn’t going to be bullied by him. I wasn’t afraid when we were like this. “Bring it on.”

We were up so fast and I was chest down on the desk. Bent over me, cock still shoved all the way in, he whispered, “I am gonna take that phone off of mute, and when I do, you’re gonna say you’re going to the bathroom and I am gonna fuck those bratty words right out of your head. If you make one fucking sound I will make you cum. And if you make a sound when you do, I’ll do it again and again until you learn.”

My toes barely touched the floor. Harvey hit the button and nodded for me to speak. I waited a moment until there was a lull in the conversation. “Hey, I’ll be right back. Don’t rip on Harvey without me.”

“You got it, Claudia, I’ll save all his embarrassing college stories for the end.” I was going to get it for sure after that comment.

Harvey started a more than brutal pace. Thankfully I was adjusted to him so it wasn’t as bad, but with the force of his thrusts… gods help me. 

I bit down on my lip, fingers clenching the edge of the desk as he rammed into me. It was so hard to keep from crying out, to keep my knees from hitting the desk. 

“Harvey, I was wondering if there was anything I needed to do to get my patent’s turned over? Or if there is something extra I need to get to make them usable in California?” I knew Harvey spoke, but I didn’t understand. I was far too focused on him pulsing in and out and in and out of me to care. It felt so fucking good. With one particularly hard push of his hips, the whole desk shifted and I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. 

Then my hand was gone. His hand was big enough to wrap around both of my wrists and force them behind my back. 

God fucking dammit-

“Is Claudia back? I had a question for her,” Henry, the consultant, asked. Shit shit shit shit shit.

“Yeah she just walked back in,” Harvey said, dragging me back into his lap as he sat, fingers immediately playing with my exposed chest. 

“Hey, what did you want to ask?” Still ice cold. 

“I was just wondering what your thoughts were on the idea of handling a personal case for me. My lawyer just retired and obviously you seem more than qualified, even if you are a first year associate.”

I was genuinely shocked. “Oh, sure. I’ll get your number and email at the end and I’ll make sure to reach out about the details.”

“Sounds good,” he said, switching to ask Harvey something. A brush of his finger between my legs told me I did a good job. 

Soon enough, we were back on mute while Brian took a moment to get his kids settled for bed. Harvey was quick to start talking.

“Look at you, taking me so good. I wasn’t sure how well I’d fit but you’re just such a good girl, Claudia. I bet you love this, being split open while others are just one moan away from knowing what I’m doing to you.”

“I can’t take it much longer,” my voice was trembling. 

“You’re gonna take it as long as I say. We’re over halfway, my pretty little toy. You can stay seated on my dick for a little while, can’t you?” I nodded, my brains almost gone. “See, still such a desire to please me. I think you’ve earned a little reward, no?”

His fingers circled around my clit, sending waves of pleasure and hurt through my body. I let the noises built up in my chest slip through, trying to shift away from his touch when it became too much. 

“I will put you back on that desk and tie your hands behind your back if you don’t stop moving. Sit here, be still, and take my cock like you should. Do not make me tell you again.”

I shut my mouth quickly, occupying my hands in his hair. With one hand between my legs, the other on my throat, his lips trailed over my neck. I did my absolute best not to move, but it wasn’t easy. I writhed and whined and begged for him to let me reach my high. 

“You wanna cum on my cock? Is that what you want? Go on then, make a mess all over me.”

It wasn’t even pleasurable at this point. It hurt in the most amazing way possible, but I was to the point of numbness. He quickly hit the unmute button and I bit my lip so hard I knew it’d bruise. He drew lazy circles through my slick and I was on the verge of tears.

Guess he wasn’t kidding when he said he’d break me down and build me back up over and over again.

Harvey’s hand came and clamped over my mouth when I shuddered around him. His whole body tensed and clung to me, forcing me to still even though I wanted to fall onto the floor with the strength of my release. 

Stars danced the backs of my eyelids. My voice would be rubbed raw tomorrow for sure. I’d be more sore than I had ever been. 

My chest rose and fell quickly as I came down from my high, legs and arms tingling. I don’t think I made any noise, if I did, they’d surely know and we’d be in some deep shit. But when I looked at the phone, they were still carrying on with their conversation. 

“I’m thinking of having a company party. And Harvey I’d be thrilled if you could make it out, even bring Claudia if you want. I’m sure Henry would love to meet her, as would I,” Brian spoke.

“That sounds good, Brian,” Harvey’s voice was thick, very clearly too turned on for his own good. 

“I’d be honored to come out,” I said, voice wavering just a tad. “When are you thinking of having it?”

“Not until we get everything squared away on the legal side of things. Then I’ll worry about all that stuff,” he gave a big sigh. “Man there is a lot that comes with running a business.”

We all have a laugh, Harvey starting up my hips again. I didn’t even feel it, couldn’t rather. He was content using me to get off and I was content to let him. I stayed quiet, using my legs to push up and down, rock back and forth, anything I could think of to make him miserable. 

His fingers were locked onto my sides, thrusting up into my down strokes. The noise was minimal, but still sounded around us. Hopefully just us. 

I felt his teeth lock onto the back of my shoulder and yelped. 

“You alright, Claudia?” Brian asked. 

Yeah it’s just Harvey fucking bit me, I almost said. “Yup, just stabbed myself with my pen.” Nice cover, idiot. 

Harvey let up then, kissing over the indentations. His hips stuttered, and his breath was hot and fast on the back of my neck. I leaned forward and hit the mute button. 

“You close?” I got a grumbled string of pleas. “Come on Harvey, you know how much you’ve been waiting for this, don’t be shy now. I want it, sir-”

The words weren’t even out of my mouth before I was gagging on his fingers. I struggled to breathe, eyes watering with the force of it. He fucked up into me so hard I had to brace on the desk and the chair. A noise tore from his chest, so deep it sent goosebumps scattering across my body. His hips were flush with mine, his hands forcing my hips flat, taking taking taking all of him at once. 

“Say it again, Claudia,” he commanded. 

“S-Sir?” I hadn’t even realized I said it. Now or never, I guess.

“Fuck,” he swore. Harvey pulled me off his lap and stood, dragging me over to the window. Don’t look down don’t look down- “Want it, sweetheart? You want my cum, huh?”

“Yes sir,” my voice was barely there. I gasped when he lifted me into the air, pressing my back to the window. Holy shit I hope this fucking glass doesn’t break.

Harvey damn near made me see stars when his hand wrapped around my throat. Between that and his tongue on mine, his cock shoved all the way in, so deep it was painful, I was in the most glorious twilight state I’ve ever been. 

He had his way with me, brutal and erotic and of pure primal instinct. It was clear he didn’t give a shit about if he was hurting me or not. He wanted one thing. And I was gonna let him have it. 

The release caught us both off guard, nearly sending us both to the ground. I clawed up his back and his fingers tightened on my neck. His hips were flush with mine again, jerking in and out at random convulsions. His forehead was damp against my chest.

When he eased me down, my legs were shaking so bad I couldn’t stand. I tripped over my feet trying to sit down. Harvey was far steadier, handing me a bottle of water from a drawer in his desk. While I sipped, he tucked himself back into his pants, and we gave our final goodbyes and email exchanges to Brian’s team. 

It wasn’t until a few minutes after the call ended that we looked at each other. 

“You uhh… you alright?” He asked. 

I was a little stunned, did he just stutter? “Oh, yeah Harvey I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah yeah I’m good.”

“Good.”

Silence. I tapped my thumbs on the plastic bottle, combing my fingers through my hair. Our eyes met again and we both broke out into wild smiles. 

“So 'sir' really does it for you?”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting to hear you say that,” he looked mildly embarrassed. “It just- it’s a power move, for sure.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind.” He shrugged, “I am far less forgiving when I am in that state of mine. I am not nice and don’t necessarily give a-”

“Harvey,” I stopped him, standing. I took his outstretched hand and let his hands land back on my hips. “If it was too much, I would’ve told you. And besides, I’ve been dying to see that side of you ever since you first mentioned it.”

“You have?”

I nodded, humming and nodding my head. “Just like you I have my secrets. One of those is my undying desire to please. I’d find a way to get it one way or another.”

His smile was devastating. He swooped down to pick me up in his arms and gently spun me around. “God Claudia you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear someone say that.”

My heart clenched and my stomach dropped at the same time. I didn’t want to read too far into his words but how could I not when he said things like that and placed gentle kisses along my collar bone? 

We grabbed our belongings and headed for the elevator, it was well past eleven now and we both wanted to go home. Harvey insisted he drop me off, and I wasn’t in the position to say no. my feet were killing me, and so was pretty much every other inch of my body. 

The car was warm despite the bitter February wind. The city lights were as bright as ever as we raced down the street, just a couple of city blocks, to my apartment. 

It took every bit of my willpower to not ask him to stay over. That wasn’t part of the deal, I kept telling myself. He wasn’t obligated to comfort me afterwards. And I wasn’t obligated to do the same. 

“Have a good night, Claudia,” Harvey said, brushing his thumb across my cheek.

It was really fucking hard to not melt into him.

“Good night, Harvey.”

______

The next day I didn’t see Harvey at all. When I asked Donna where he was she said he had to take a trip upstate to see his family. I didn’t want to pry, it certainly wasn’t my business, and if he wanted to tell me he would. 

But I got concerned when I didn’t see him the rest of the week. Well, I saw him, just could never catch him at the right time. He stops by my cubicle for two seconds, dumps a stack of papers and says ‘have these organized and on my desk ready to go for tomorrow’, and then disappears. 

What in the hell was going on? “Donna, I really need to talk to Harvey,” I stood my ground. He was in his office, sitting at his desk, the desk that held more than a few intimate memories.

“Claudia, now is really not a good time,” she insisted. I rolled my eyes, huffing and turning away. I’ll catch him before he leaves.

I didn’t catch him before he left. Or when he showed up the next day, or the next. A goddamn week went by and I could barely get two words in. I was getting a little pissed off. And of course my mind had been running rampant with anxious thoughts: he got what he wanted, now he didn’t need you anymore; he was just using you to get the job done and he’ll move on to the next associate. And in big bold letters: Harvey fucking used you.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, pricking my nose and burning my throat. 

I can’t take this torture any longer. I need to find him. Now.

I marched right past Donna and into Harvey’s office. I did have our complete case file in hand as an excuse, but I wasn’t really planning on talking about the case. My brain was on fucking fire at this point, I didn’t know what I was going to say, if anything at all, or if I was just going to break down like a pathetic little girl who couldn’t take it.

“Claudia, now is really not a good-” “It never seems to be a good time, Harvey,” I cut him off, watching his mouth snap shut at my harsh tone. “I have been trying to get this to you for four days now, you gonna take the five minutes it takes to go over it or do I need to FedEx it to your apartment so you can get to it in two to three business days?”

His eyes were wide. He stood up from his desk and took the file, but set it on the table. 

“Harvey just take one fucking look at it-”

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice calm and steady.

“You’re sorry? For what, ignoring me the past week?”

“Claudia I wasn’t-”

“Are you sure because it seems like ever since after that conference call you’ve been actively avoiding me like a fucking disease. I-I-I don’t understand what I did, Harvey. Was I not good enough for you? Did I make too much noise or-or did I say something wrong when you dropped me off?”

“No, Claudia I have just been-” “Using me? Leveraging me to climb the corporate ladder?”

“How dare you accuse me of that bullshit,” Harvey bit out, a venom laced in his words. “I can’t believe this, after everything I’ve been trying to help you with, you’re gonna look me in the eyes and say I’m using you?”

“It sure seems like it to me because I can’t think of another goddamn reason why you would go through all that trouble just to practically ghost me.”

“I have been trying to tell you that I’m not avoiding you, but you cannot take down your alligator filled moat for two fucking seconds to let me explain what the hell I’ve been doing.” 

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Donna shouted over both of us. I snapped towards her, flushing a deep shade of red. 

“Nothing, Donna,” Harvey pressed his lips in a flat line. “We don’t need you to intervene-” “Well it sure as hell sounds like you do,” she came and stood at my side. “What’s going on?” “I was just trying to tell Claudia that I haven’t been avoiding her, that I have been busy being a goddamn name partner and trying to keep this firm above water. In fact, I’ve wanted nothing more than to just put everything else on pause and actually get to sit down for half an hour and discuss what we’re gonna do in court because I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, Claudia, but we are in some deep shit with this Gustoson case.”

“Which is why I have been doing everything in my power to hunt you down and give you that file.”

All eyes landed on it, it’s tan envelope. Harvey flipped it open and scanned the document.

He ripped it up and threw it in the trash. 

I stopped moving, I stopped breathing. 

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Claudia?” 

“Harvey,” Donna was baffled at his tone. 

“You seriously want to file a motion to dismiss? In what way would that benefit us? Cause it seems like all you want to do is throw this case away and let Gustoson win.”

“No, I want to get their lawyer off the case so that way we can go after him, because he’s in on it and-” “We have no proof of that.” I wanted to rip out my fucking hair. “I was working on getting it.”

“Claudia, we don’t have time for you to just stumble upon evidence and hope it works,” Harvey let his hands slap against his thighs, eyebrows knitted together. “I needed an idea last night, and since you clearly can’t get the job done, maybe it’s you who should be thrown off the case because you clearly have no idea what the hell it is that you’re doing.”

There was nothing I could do to keep the tears from burning tracks in my skin. He promised… Harvey promised…

“Okay, let’s just take this down a few notches,” Donna stood between us.

“No,” Harvey shook his head. “Claudia, you’re going to learn real fast that just because you’re my associate, that doesn’t mean you get your ass kissed. I am not gonna sit here and baby you on every case. If you can’t come up with a different idea by the end of the day, I’m gonna put Griffin on this case and you’ll never get the chance to work with me ever again. I don’t lose, and I’m sure as hell not gonna risk that just because you don’t know how to do your goddamn job.”

All I could do was stare at him. Stare and stare and stare. 

My hands didn’t even shake. My breath didn’t pick up, and my tears didn’t fall. I was utterly tranquill, like a certain part of me was expecting this to happen, and here it was. Served to me on a silver platter. 

I hiccuped a sob. It hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t do anything to control it. 

“You promised…” I wasn’t even sure I actually spoke the words, I may have just mouthed them, be he understood. I watched him snap out of his heated daze and take a jarring step back. But I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to give a fake apology.

His intentions, from the very beginning, were blindingly clear. Harvey didn’t want to work with me, he didn’t think I was a good lawyer, he just wanted to get in my pants. 

I was disgusted by him, my stomach churned and I knew I was going to vomit. 

“Claudia-” Harvey gasped, like had been punched in the stomach; I wished it was Donna who socked him.

“You’ve done enough,” she said, and placed her hands on my shoulders. She steered me out of his office and my vision blurred. 

I was one sorry son of a bitch to believe that Harvey actually gave a shit about me. Why would I ever fucking believe that? I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve known it from the start. A man like him does not fall for a woman like me, they only pretend to when they need something. 

“Claudia I am so sorry about-” “I wanna go home.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “I’ll tell Louis you had something come up.”

I just nodded, grabbing my purse and jacket, heading for the elevator. 

He promised… he promised… he promised…