#AINT EVEN SEPTEMBER ANYMORE............

[seonghwacore]

tagged by my lovely mutuals <3 @ambivartence @applejongho @ye-xiu @baekhyunnybyun also (almost) happy new year fave people! i hope 2024 will be waaay wayyyy better and kinder to you all 🥰

rules: link your favorite and/or most popular post from each month this year <3 (it’s totally fine to skip months!) and tag some CCs you love!

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2023 AS GIF/GFX CREATOR

◊ my soul is owned by two chaotic evil yet sweet, cute, and beautiful bunnies now, yoon jeonghan and park seonghwa congratulation ann you have two wives ◊ there's a bit of turbulence as carat but thank goodness ateez saves the day. love you, capt hong! ◊ achieving 1.1k followers milestone on Nov 26, 2023 (and haven't finished the request til now askdals still kinda open until i say all wrap!) ◊ getting more explorative with the coloring esp stage coloring and now that i learn sparkle edit, it has become my favorite type of edit

2023 YEAR IN REVIEW

(skipping january and february because i was busy preparing bachelor graduation) MARCH 💙 most popular: The reason why I’m scared of Kwon Hoshi part 98475320495 💜 my favorite: ibid. APRIL 💙 most popular: SEONGHWA ✧ In My Pott. with ATEEZ 💜 my favorite: he who looks even prettier when smiling 🌷 | san giving heart eyes to hwa | san loves classical music | (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ shocked in capitalism ♥ MAY 💙 most popular: world domination through crackhead behavior 💜 my favorite: 5 times seonghwa took care of sedated wooyoung + 1 time he’d sedate wooyoung himself (not with anaesthesia for sure) | sun tzu definitely never said this | 8 makes 1 team | and then what mingi. JUNE (this is my shadowban tumblr hate crime era) 💙 most popular: Welcome to SECTOR 1 💜 my favorite: —a prose for this old soul by 🌺 | kitty punch

JULY 💙 most popular: seonghwa loves and is loved 💜 my favorite: fine, i’ll overthrow the government for you 💖😒 | kid seonghwa 1 | yunho loves and is loved | halazia seonghwa

AUGUST 💙 most popular: unskippable ads 💜 my favorite: when the sea breeze is good and you smile, i can’t take it anymore amigo | the mother is mothering | *unsheathe the sword* are the scammers bothering you, your highness? | and that’s, how i met your mother

SEPTEMBER 💙 most popular: IF I GOT RID OF MY DEMONS, I’D LOSE MY ANGELS 💜 my favorite: happy seonghwa with kuromi | san aint dealing with seonghwa's shit

OCTOBER 💙 most popular: 231031 HONGJOONG, SEONGHWA, & WOOYOUNG 💜 my favorite: WILL (2023) | V. Mayakovski (web weaving x seonghwa)

NOVEMBER 💙 most popular: the adorables 💖 💜 my favorite: ATTITUDE | ATEEZ IN 1984, ORWELL | MY EGO’S IN THE SHOW // WILL (2023) | HOW TO LOOK COOL & INSTANTLY GAIN RESPECT IN 1 MINUTE BY ATEEZ | ATINYBLR REVIVAL EVENT ⁕ DAY 1 | SAN VERY MUCH NEEDED DRAMA GIG | CRAZY FORM (2023)

DECEMBER 💙 most popular: roman empire thinks of him 💜 my favorite: [2/∞] SEONGHWA SOUP FOR THE SOUL 🍲 ft. baby bear! | 「BACK TO WORLD A」 | MY EGO’S IN THE SHOW ⁕ SEONGHWA | ALEXA PLAY IT’S MY WIFE BY BON JOVI | MY POOKIE | sparkly jongho for applejongho

tagging (no pressure): @hwanswerland @seonghwasblr @donghyuckkies @blueberrysan @yeofi @wouyoung @xuseokgyu

[gritsandbrits]

Something i wrote in the heat of the night: A ttte x self insert drabble

This morning I'm getting ready for the day. The sketchbook I bought it out of walmart some time ago sits on my shelf begging for attention.

Growing up I loved to draw,but too many times I was made fun of for drawing. I didn't even make a B above art class I took in high school. My poses would be awkward and clumsy like a disney movie protagonist. My stuff barely got noted on all my socials. What was the point of making anything if it just gets overshadowed by better artists? Writing was a no go either. Who'd want to read any of my crappy fanfics? So I stopped posting.

I stop brushing, quickly grab my bag and leave the room. Hmph who cares if I don't draw anymore. At least I wouldn't get mad fun of or be forced to look at my own work.

As I walk by the train yards I hear a loud whistle, and see one of the Scottish Twins pull up beside me (separated by fences but fairly close to maintain a healthy volume).

"Oi! I want to speak to you for a second!" Donald shouts as he wheezed hot smoke in anger.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask. This was the first time Donald was mad at me.

"What day is this?" Donald said.

"It's the twenty-eighth," I say.

"And how long is that from the ninth?"

I pause for a bit to calculate the time frame. That would've been nineteen days ago. What was so important about the ninth that had gotten Donald so upset?

"What number is September?"

"The ninth month. Why? Did I forget something?"

Donals coughs in irritation and waits for me to draw my own conclusions. After a minute I gasped as I realized what he meant.

"Crap! I forgot all about Nine-Nine!" I say. Nine-Nine was Donald Day. It was something the fandom did for all the engines numbered one through twelve: make content based on the month and matching date. I had mentioned on my blog that I would give him something. Mostly to make up for the other times I missed celebrating the other engines.

"Uhmm..."

"THREE WEEKS! And you haven't stopped by once, not even to say thank you!"

I flinched. "I'm sorry I busy with work and my appointments-"

"Ya say you REMEMBER to celebrate me Day, ya post bout how you will make somethin' for me yet ya still forgotten!" The engine huffed crossly.

"Well I was busy! I just forgot about it, I'm sorry."

"This aint the first time either lass! Ya say you'll do something for Duck on his day, then didn' show up. You made nothing for Toby and Percy on their days - poor Percy's still peeved about it by the way," he added.

"But I did something for James," I reply quickly. "I let him speak on my blog!"

"Only for what a couple of hours then went right back to posting the regular as if nothing's happen. You didn't give him anything physical much less meaningful!" Donald exclaimed.

I try to say something but he cuts in. "You do this every time. You say you'll celebrate whatever engines day then forget all about it! It's almost like you do it on purpose!"

His words struck bolts into my hearts. The pain finally sunk in, and I lower my head in shame. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Lassie we don't expect grand gestures or even a trophy. What we want is your acknowledgement but it seems you don't do that."

It takes me a minute to find my voice. I try to look inward for answers but my soul produces a static noise.

"I don't know I guess I don't.. Draw a lot. My art isn't good," I say. Donald sniffed at my pathetic tone of voice

"Really? You have artists who use - what that program? MS Paint. Yeah MS Paint! Or whatever they can get on hand and create a lot of things. You mean you don't make anything because you're afraid? Not even a doodle?"

"You are so wrapped up in ya own self, ya don't let anyone else in. Why is that?"

Donald stares at me for long minutes. The weight of his words settles in, as if he expects me to be crushed by the weight of my actions. I don't blame him. I promised him and the others and broke those promises. There was no defending that.

Finally after long damning minutes Donald wheezed a sigh of satisfied relent.

"Look Grits everyone is busy look at me! But that's not an excuse to ignore everyone! It's not even a good excuse to deny your own self."

I stood quietly taking it all in. He was right. I've been holding off my own skills and myself and using work to justify pushing everyone away. No excuses.

"All we are asking is for you to draw just ONE thing. Anything it don't have to be Picasso or some renaissance paintin'. Just one scribble of us would be fine," pleaded Donald.

"I'll try," I uttered meekly. Donald smiled.

"You're a great kid, but there's more to life than being afraid all the time.. If you don't take any risks or let anyone else in, then it wouldn't BE a life would it?"

I shook my head in agreement. "No it really wouldn't. Thank you Don. I needed that drag."

Donald starts to back up. "Remember grits just one doodle! I'm keeping track on it you hear?!"

"I will!" I shout back as I wave him goodbye.

After seeing go I think about his speech then decide to go back to my house. Perhaps I need that sketchbook more than it needs me.

[woppy-my-beloved]

April come she will - Lester Sinclair

Tip: Listen to this song while you are reading this It will make everything clear. April Come She WIll - Simon & Grafunkel

"Well damnit Lester, it took you damn long enough to get back here with the things we asked you!" Bo huffed while standing in the doorway. "Well sorry it took me too long for yer liking Bo, you know my truck had the best of times. She aint the youngest anymore." He said with scoff. An old and muffled sound emerged from a small radio in the corner of the room. It was their dads, but he passed it later onto Bo, it was one of the nicer things Victor did for the boys. He wasn't to keen on having a relationship with the three of them. Well sometimes, only if he could gain something from it.

April, come she will When streams are ripe and swelled with rain May, she will stay Resting in my arms again"

It played the song "April Come She Will" a song that was all to familair with the brothers. Their mother listened to it alot during their childhood. The song had a warm but melancholy feeling whenever it was played. It brought him back to their childhood, him being little sitting on the kitchen counter with a bloody nose because he once again ran towards a tree while playing outside. Vincent holding the paper towel against his nose while Bo tried to cheer him up with one of his cheesy jokes.

Lester made his way towards the living room with the bag of groceries and dog food that Bo and Vincent had requested from him for Jonesy, whenever it was getting food, something for Jonesy or neccesities it was Lesters job to do so.

"June, she'll change her tune In restless walks she'll prowl the night July, she will fly And give no warning to her flight."

"Yes come here gimme the gorceries so I can start on prepping the food for the BBQ tonight." Vincent said as left the kitchen with Jonesy following him running towards Lester to give him a hug. "There is my little girl!" Lester smiled crouching down on his knees, ready to wrap Jonesy in his arms to give her a hug.

"Have you been a good girl to Vinny and Bo today? Did Vinny treat you with lots of treats? Or did Bo sneak you in a little piece of meat?" he grinned while patting her on the head.

It was one of the nicer memories with their parents during their childhood. Everytime he thought about a BBQ or another memory in regards to that it was like it triggered him to be back at those exact moments. The smell of the coal, his mother making a cesear salad, even though it tasted awfull and was not always the nicest it still brought up warm memories.

"Well come on dickhead! Get yer ass outside i'm heating up the BBQ it's dinner time!" Bo yelled from a distance. Lester was glad that he was able to convince his brothers to have a BBQ once again with the three of them and Jonesy, sure it didn't give them the feeling of their childhood back. But it sure as hell was gave them tons of new memories.

Lester walked out with Jonesy into the garden, looking over the scene, Bo standing behind the BBQ being in his element taking a sip from his beer, Vincent setting up the table making sure it was all neat and tidy even tho Bo could give a rats ass how it looked like and Jonesy laying on her special pillow. As he took place at his chair at the table, reaching out for his beer raising it up in the air. "Cheers brothers." "Cheers Lester."

"August, die she must The autumn winds blow chilly and cold September, I'll remember A love once new has now grown old."

Echoed through the room, which now slowly started to grow cold as Lesters chest slowly went up and down, for the last time as he took his last breaths before the little lifeline on the heart monitor went flat.

A soft but gentle smile formed on his face, a smile that even you as his partner was one that you hadn't seen for a long time.

It was almost like he was the same Lester again before 2005.

[ryugujitr]

HELLO, HI, HOW ARE YOU- I COME HERE WITH NEWS ABOUT HOW I ALMOST WENT APE SHIT FIVE ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE SEMESTER-

1) Okay so we have the same professor teaching us THREE WHOLE COURSES

2)SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE OTHER TWO

3)THEN SHE SAYS 'WE'LL ALL WORK TOGETHER' -LIKE NO WE AINT GONNA DO SHIT PLZ

4)SHE'S NEW- so while taking introductions she spent 10 min on EACH student, CRUSHING THEIR CONFIDENCE (minD YOU A GROWN ASS WOMAN TREATS GROWN ASS STUDENTS AS KIDS)

5) THE BEST PART IS - EVEN THOUGH EVERY FUCKING THING IS SUPPOSED to be IN ENGLISH- THIS WOMAN; USES JARGON OF LITERATURE FROM OUR national language - LIKE WHY? THIS AINT THE FUCKING 15OO'S , SPEAK IN NORMAL THANK YOU MucH VERy.

PS i was supposed to be Unhinged like Klaus this sem- I've become S2 Five.

This wonderful set of gifs (that i've reblogged too) is a visual representation- IN ANY ORDER THIS IS WHAT IT FELT LIKE - OH FUCK ITS ONLY TUESDAY MY GOD.

Thank you, have a lovely evening/morning/afternoon❤️❣️🥺🌼

OH MY POOR DEAR FRIEND, WHAT HELL DID THIS BITCH COME FROM BECAUSE SURELY IT ISNT THE ONE WHERE REGGIE AND HITLER ARE PLAYING TENNIS

i feel so bad for you and trust me i feel the exact same way for two, now three years. 😭😭 we’ll be going ape shit five together i swear bc i have THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM WITH MY SERBIAN AND GEOGRAPHY TEACHERS LIKE TF IS GOING ON WITH THE WORLD ANYMORE

i start my very last year of middle school on 1st of September, and probably the only motivations that will keep me going are congratulating people on their birthdays. thats it. also tua serotonin. and you. thats it.

THAT SET OF GIFS IS HOW IVE BEEN FEELING FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS OF MY SCHOOL LIFE LIKE PLS JUST HELP ME GOD OR WHOEVER TF MANAGES THIS BS TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER

im supposed to be allison this year. i can already feel my inner five pushing her aside and being like “let me handle this” and proceeds to make me go on a yelling spree at everyone who irritates me

I love you sm my dear friend, please do keep me updated on your well being and day! I gotta hear from you now bc that lady is outta her mind and I cant lose you to her 😭😭😭😭😭 WE GOTTA MAKE IT OUT ALIVE UNTIL THERES A PORTAL TO THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY, YOU CANT DIE ON ME YET

[obabayangu]

Trust Issues

September 15th, 2023

Y'all. I'm probably in the most scariest place of my life right now. I'm in a place where I have no idea what's next for me in life, and I hate that for me. I like having some idea of where we going next in life or at least know what we doing right now. I don't even know if I'm coming or going, literally!! I am completely in the dark this time, knowing NOTHING! Chile, I'm in the boat. And I think that this is exactly how God wants it.

See, I have a habit of tryna "figure God out". So I've spent the last few weeks tryna figure God out to the point where I was unhealthily obsessing over the vision and now God has called everything to a screeching HAULT! I don't like speaking vaguely so lemme give you a quick excerpt of my life right now:

For those that don't know, I currently reside in the DMV. Living in Maryland, working in DC, and falling in love with Virginia. I'm a native North Carolinian and up and decided to move to DC a few months after I graduated from college because I believed that God called me here. Moved here, feel like I learned why God called me here rather quickly, but then also identified that this move was only a season for me. That I were to be in the DMV for only a season. Y'all. IT'S GOING ON YEAR 5! 🙃 Once upon a time, I was really really homesick and made sure that God knew this every moment of everyday and was so hellbent on moving back to NC. But, I believe that that is not in God's plan for me anymore. Which is cool. But ya'll, I am RET to GO! Somewhere, anywhere. I've been battling back and forth over the past few months about where to go next and chile, I have truly exhausted myself! And that's only my RESIDENCY. Now let's talk about my career.

For those that don't know, I am an educator. Been doing this since college and it's truly all I know. I love the babies of all different colors, shapes, & sizes! I've learned a LOT about myself in my career field over the past years. I've learned what I like, what I don't like, my strengths, weaknesses, allat good stuff. And once upon a time, working in a high school with at risk inner city teens of color was like MARRIAGE to me hunny! It was THEE goal. I just knew if I were ever blessed with the opportunity to do so that I could call my mama and tell her "we made it!". Well guess what ya'll, I'm working, in a high school, with at risk inner city, teens, of color......and I'm ready to quit yesterday 🤗. It's just so fascinating to see me finally reach these life long goals of mine, or have the opportunity to explore them, and it is NOT all that I caked it out to be. I am so shooketh that this grass isn't greener on the other side. Ya'll, I just knew that if I moved to NC and worked in a high school with Bebe's children, that I'd be living my best life with Lil Duval. And AIN'T chile, smh 😭

So where does this leave me? Somewhere, shooketh, and scared, fr. Cause I legit DON'T know what's next for me. What are you supposed to do when you've finally obtained all that you've been working for and it's not satisfying like you'd thought it'd be. Ya'll, God has truly shaken everything in my life. I have no idea where I'll end up next, or if I'm even leaving anywhere. I'm to the point now where I don't even know if I even wanna pursue EDUCATION anymore. Like y’all, education is my LIFE! Working with kids is my LIFE! And now we looking at a whole possible career change? That is WILD! Like this is something that I know and love and have a passion for, at least I thought and now I’m completely stuck! It truly is scary ya'll. I hate this for me lol. And it's giving, I'm in the boat 🌚🛶

In Matthew 8, I think it's verse 24ish (girl, you know I aint no Bible scholar 🤣)

Jesus got into a boat with his disciples, a storm came through, boat got real shooketh, disciples started freaking OUT and JC was SLEEP 😒 smh! The disciples woke Jesus up to let him know they bout to die and JC had a slight tude because he was awoken out of his sleep. But he was like "I know ya'll ain't wake me up over no foolishness! I know you bed NOT be scared. Scared for WHAT? Yeen got no faith smh 🤦🏾‍♂️ " So then JC stopped the storm, gave the disciples some side eye, and resumed his nap.

Now, when I first read this I was like "Um, JESUS 🙋🏾‍♀️ yes, Jesus..hey, 😊👋🏾um...EXCUSE ME 🗣️🗣️ What you mean why my man's and em' freaking out? Don't you see this here boat is about to fall apart? Don't you see we all about to DIE? I know you see this storm, you ain't that sleepy!" and Holy Spirit called me out and showed me something so small in the text. "....Jesus got into the boat with the disciples". Ya'll. YA'LL! Did you peep that? Did you pick up what Holy put down? Jesus was already IN the boat when the storm came! Yet, the disciples were still freaking out. And I said to myself "Oh well that's because at this time, they had no idea who Jesus was. They had no idea of where he came from and the POWER that he possessed." And then I had the nerve to say "If that were me, oh I'd definitely be cooling. All I need to know is that Jesus is in the boat, and I wouldn't dare be freaking out. Cause I know Jesus! They just didn't know Jesus at the time, that's all". And then everything hit like the matrix. Holy Spirit said to me "Um Aeriel...ain't YOU in this boat?

🤔 And aren't you currently freaking out? 🤔 Then act like YOU know Jesus please! And act like he’s in your boat👌🏾" And I said Oh snap! You RIGHT. While the unknown is transpiring in my life, I've been tryna worry about it so much NOT realizing that if Jesus is in my boat, and if I got a one up on these disciples and I actually know who Jesus is, then can I start acting like I know he's gonna handle the scary waves and storms in my life? Y'all, it's to the point now where God has literally been dousing me in his peace each in everyday. He won't even ALLOW me to stress and freak out over my next moves in life right now. I'm talking about me knowing that my lease is ending VERY soon so I have to figure out what I’m gonna do and me showing up to work each and every day receiving more & more confirmation that this job is no longer fitting for me, I want to stress about it ALL!! I want to want to be frustrated and try to figure out how we gone fix all of this & plan and brainstorm with God but he literally won't allow me. I can't feel anything but God's peace right now. It’s insane! And here's the icing. With all this peace, it forces me to rest and relax and enjoy life now. So it's like dang, well I guess I just gotta trust God with the course of my life! But I wanna be discontent over my life so badly y’all 😂 I much rather help show God where WE can move to next and obsess over figuring out what career path WE can pursue but he simply will not let me 🙄 I am so numb to the idea of obsessing and instead am thriving and relishing in God's peace. It's truly incredible. Gone head and get after it!

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

I AM JIST GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE AND HAVE SLEEP IN MY LIFE AGAIN, OMFG. 

Pre Le apps 

Wedding - chismiss - just happy that it went well overall and that nobody fell. Expect Jenny. She did that twice. Honestly, If theres anything I’ve learned from 2019, its that certain times and seasons can actually be very great and very special (especially when you’ve had some time pass by and can look back on how great it actually was).  But when you’re in the midst of it and when it doesn’t meet certain expectations you had, sometimes it feels super lame and dissatisfying. KFT with Josh 

X

Garage with CAM

Mom Bday Weekend

Calvin That Ive kinda been having these depressing thoughts where I’ve accepted that not all friendships are meant to last. I think that’s just a part of growing up and I think its only become a prevalent idea lately because of how busy I feel all the time (and how I view CAM at the moment). I think its natural and its definitely okay to kind of have that idea in mind. I just hope it makes my time with friends all that much more special and that it allows me to maintain relationships without actively deteriorating them. TLDR is that iu really appreciate my broth Calvin. And I hope we always stay good. Even if not always close, at least good

S 

I unfollowed S instagram a few days. ago. Considering all that’s gone down the past year id say that’s a pretty big development. lol. I’ll never say that I handled this ordeal particularly well. lmao. In fact I think I did pretty poorly September onwards. Lmfao. But I think—— I think there’s hope in that…. I now recognize that what was before.. isn’t necessarily coming back. And that what that was—— was something pretty unique and special to that time. And now that I am trying to move on to what’s next- its a pretty important time for me to remember that this isn’t something I am responsible for hanging on to anymore. And it think that… I used to feel that I should. for there to be hope for it to return- or for me to somehow preserve my past self’s ego and what I thought - I thought I had to m but sometimes you just have to be honest and call yourself out on it. And say, “its ok. Just try again” and I think that’s where Im at.

Miscellaneous 

Dan need to get it together. One of these days someone’s gonna pop off on him and it AINT gonna be pretty lol

CAM

19-23 beng prime 

Feeling Really Unimpressed with Life ATM

I think that

and that for my sake of and good health? I need to lower that standard lmao 

What I would like out of April: 

For me to draft my letter of rec 

NALA 2.0 

Get back on a solid sleep schedule and workout plan again 

[pacientia]

okay @ GOD I am definitely failing this LSAT thing, I still need a job if not in 60 days my thing is invalid, and I wake up with anxiety on Mondays- let’s keep this adulting thing under wraps bc I am certain I will die de un ataque :)

P.D. I am such a negative person and that is the worst! I need to put effort! I can do this! Imma have to do daily affirmations!

[lanaisnotwool]

404 From Teacher to Investor - Interview with Todd Dexheimer

http://moneyripples.com/2020/06/22/404-from-teacher-to-investor-interview-with-todd-dexheimer/

Chris Miles, the "Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor," is a leading authority on how to quickly free up and create cash flow for thousands of his clients, entrepreneurs, and others internationally! He’s an author, speaker, and radio host that has been featured in US News, CNN Money, Bankrate, Entrepreneur on Fire, and spoken to thousands getting them fast financial results.

Listen to our Podcast here:

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/moneyripples/2020/05/31/404--going-from-teacher-to-investor-with-todd-dexheimer

-----------------------------------------------------------

Chris Miles (00:00): Hello, my fellow Ripplers. This is Chris Miles. Your Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor. Welcome you out for a wonderful show. Show that's for you and about you. Those of you work so hard for money and you're ready for your money. Start working harder for you. Now! You want that freedom. That cash flow. That prosperity. Today! Not 30, 40 bazillion years from now, but right now, so you can live that life that you love doing what you love being with those that you love, but it's so much more than you guys. Than just having a lot of money and being comfortable and, you know, driving flashy cars and that kind of thing. Because if you're following us, we're not those kind of people. We're real people. We're sincere. We're authentic. And the truth is that you're a Rippler. That you, yes, you can create lots and lots of money create the life of your dreams, but your life is much more than that. You want to create a ripple effect through the lives of those, around you, whether it be your family, whether it be your community, the country, or across the world. And that's ultimately what this ripple effect's about. And I appreciate you guys allowing me to create a ripple effect through you because without that, we couldn't do it. And you guys have been bingeing on these shows. You've been spreading the word you've been sharing it. And I love seeing these numbers grow every single day. So thank you for being a part of this.

Chris Miles (01:20): Hey, as a quick reminder, check out our website MoneyRipples.com. You've got the great ebook on there called Beyond Rice & Beans. Seven Secrets. Free up cash today, and you can check out other information on there as well. So check it out.

Chris Miles (01:29): Alright! Today, guys, I'm bringing on another great, great investor on our show here. This is actually a guy by the name of Todd Dexheimer here. Now, Todd, like Todd's been doing real estate. He got in right during the last recession. Like he was born out of the fire, right? He was born out of those flames when everybody says real estate stinks. And that's exactly when Todd said, alright, let's do this. He actually started as a high school industrial tech teacher. Then went to real estate in 2008. Now, interesting thing about him is that he's the CEO of venture properties, LLC. Yeah. He's also been, has purchased and renovated over 800 units guys. Has focuses on syndicating value, add multifamily and emerging markets, as well as coaching other inspiring investors. He's the host of the Pillar of Wealth Creation Podcasts that actually I've been on as well. He's also been doing contributing things like Bigger Pockets. And he's been on various shows, whether it's like, you know, big real estate investing advice ever, or the Michael Blank show and many, many more. And so he lives in Minnesota, his wife, and two kids love skiing, hunting, camping, hockey running. Of course he's in Minnesota. He's got to love hockey. Right? So anyways, Todd, welcome to our show.

Todd Dexheimer (02:41): Yeah. Appreciate you having me on, I appreciate the introduction, man. I'm like, I'm pumped up. I, that intro was awesome! I'm pumped up to hopefully add some value to the show and yeah. This is, this is an exciting community. It sounds like we got here. So...

Chris Miles (02:58): Absolutely. No, these are good people. These are the best ones you'll ever, ever witness. I'll tell you that. So, you know, tell us like, how did you even go from, you know, high school teacher to real estate? Like what even sparked that because everybody's freaking out in 2008 and you're like, Hey, why not? Right.

Todd Dexheimer (03:14): Yeah. I've been, what was I going to lose, man?

Chris Miles (03:16): That's right!

Todd Dexheimer (03:18): I was making you know, not very much as a high school teacher. And I think there was, I don't, I don't know exactly what sparked it like it was, I don't know if it was just a spark, but I've always, I think had this entrepreneurial spirit with me. I actually built shipping crates for my dad's company that he worked at. He was a manufacturing engineer and they're making these vises and I built shipping crates for these vises. So I had my own decks, custom crates business that my brother and dad kind of formed and along with me, and then I took over and did that. So that was fun. And that was when I was in high school, I had the lawn mowing business, you know, but then I decided to be a teacher and just, just quite frankly, it just didn't click. Like I thought it was going to be great. And there was parts of it. That was, was great, but it just didn't click. And it wasn't for me. And I bet within like a month or two, I was telling my wife, I gotta figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up because this aint it. And so...

Chris Miles (04:26): It, wasn't a scary moment for her to say, wait, all of this to now say you want to get out. Right?

Todd Dexheimer (04:31): Well, we just started our life together, you know, as like all this. So it was kind of crazy, but at the same time I knew it wasn't for me. So it was just exploratory and just trying to figure out and real estate made a ton of sense. And like you said, it was right during that like firestorm, right. Everything was crashing. Everybody was running in the opposite direction. And I got in a little bit about, you know, I was naive. I didn't really understand a hundred percent what happened cause I wasn't involved. Like I didn't lose anything. Right? So it was a little bit of maybe me being naive, but also seeing the opportunity. Understanding like that real estate will go back up in value, even though some people sat and I heard this a lot of times real estate will never go back up to where it used to be. Never. And that's very shortsighted. And I knew that it was like, yeah, see, but these are people that got, just got burned. Right? And so it just made so much financial sense and I understood the industry being an industrial tech teacher and you know, doing construction through the summers too, work my way through high school and college. It just made sense.

Chris Miles (05:44): Yeah. So what was your first deal? Like what'd you start out doing?

Todd Dexheimer (05:48): You know what, I did three deals pretty much at one time, which is, which is crazy. And I didn't have any money, by the way. My wife and I had probably like $30,000 saved up, maybe $25,000 saved up. And so we bought a single family that we ended up living in, but it was a foreclosure. We did this 203K loan. So you can get in for very little money. And then we did the renovation ourselves, big renovation. I mean, when we moved in, there was no plumbing, water wasn't working. So like the first, like, I shouldn't say when we moved in, like probably the day we moved in, I just got it going. I can still remember working on some, we didn't have heat, which is fine. Cause we moved in in August, but we had to get heat because at Minnesota, by end of September, you need heat. So I, they like get around is we're on a time deadline. Yeah. But so that, that was one of them. The other one was a flip that I partnered with a guy that had money and we did the fix and flip. And then the other one was a single family rental house. I bought that out of foreclosure. For like 60,000, somewhere around there stuck another 10, 15,000 into it. Did all the work myself with my wife and a couple of friends came and helped me in, but that was it. And then was able to then refinance that house actually in that snowball, from there. Fix and flip, actually ended up being a flop. I bet I made a thousand dollars on it. I did all the work

Chris Miles (07:27): You got to learn pretty quickly. Like it's probably better that happened because in some people's case where they hit really big on that first flip, they think that's the way it's always going to be. Right?

Todd Dexheimer (07:35): Oh, this is easy!

Chris Miles (07:37): Yeah, exactly. And you're like, okay, that wasn't as cool as I thought that was, that was like a dollar an hour. Gosh.

Todd Dexheimer (07:43): But it probably wasn't even that much.

Chris Miles (07:47): Well, that's great. And you've done. I mean, you've done flips, you've even done mobile home, parks and you did a ski resort, is that right?

Todd Dexheimer (07:53): Yeah. Yeah.

Chris Miles (07:55): Tell us about that.

Todd Dexheimer (07:55): Well, I bought a defunct ski resort, so it was just a ski resort that, you know, we had some really bad winters in the early, the late 90's to early 2000's where there just wasn't a lot of snow. And so when that happens, these little skiers are just can't handle it. And so they ended up shutting it down. Somebody got hurt really bad too. And so there was a big lawsuit. And so it was just shut down. The guy that owned it originally passed away, handed down to his kid and grown adult, but yeah, just didn't want to do it anymore. So they ended up shutting it down and we stumbled upon it. Actually the business partner at the time was actually hunting nearby and he was seeing all these deer trails. And they all led into this property.

Todd Dexheimer (08:48): So we went and talked to the owner and then was like, Hey, what's going on here? And we ended up striking a deal. Then we ended up getting the property and we got it for such a cheap price that we had a bank that financed it a hundred percent.

Chris Miles (09:01): Wow!

Todd Dexheimer (09:02): It appraised for a million dollars and we were buying it for $450,000 and they fund us to a hundred percent of the deal.

Chris Miles (09:10): That's incredible.

Todd Dexheimer (09:12): Yeah. It was incredible. And that was 2000, maybe 13 or 14. So things, I mean still were a little iffy, you know, probably 13. Yeah. We're still a little iffy. There is banks. Weren't being super friendly. Yeah. Not like that, but...

Chris Miles (09:29): But the numbers made sense. It said, all right. Go for it.

Todd Dexheimer (09:32): Yup. Yup. So we ended up just taking that. We did some work to it. We were thinking about doing something with it, but it ended up just being more of a distraction to try to get it up and running. So we ended up selling it. So I basically flipped the ski resort. You know, I tried to convince my wife to move down there. She said, no.

Chris Miles (09:50): I'm saying it as a skier. You were probably really tempted weren't you?

Todd Dexheimer (09:53): Yeah, it was great. It was. And it's amazingly beautiful piece of property and it's just amazing.

Chris Miles (09:59): That's great. What kind of deals are you doing now? Like what kind of multifamily stuff are you doing? Cause I know with different people I've had on the show, some were kinda like, you know what, I'm getting so strict with my underwriting. Like I am almost refused things left and right, right?

Todd Dexheimer (10:13): Yup. Yup. And kind of the same actually. Things were heating up quite a bit, obviously that was pre-COVID. Things were heating up quite a bit and it was really tough to find a deal that made sense. Now people were just buying these properties for crazy amounts and we weren't willing to. So I'm buying, you know, value add, B class multifamily, typically a hundred plus units. So we can have some scale. We can have the onsite staff and, and we're buying those in a few markets cross country that are kind of emerging or markets that have some, the, all the right fundamentals that we're really looking for and we're doing the syndication. So we're raising the funds for down payment, all that kind of stuff. So that's, that's kind of our bread and butter. And I anticipate that to still be our bread and butter as we kind of emerge through this whole COVID deals will probably come out of this. You know, we don't know exactly the future yet, but I think there'll be some opportunity down the road.

Chris Miles (11:24): Yeah. I mean, not that I, I glory in people's pain right? Or do something bad, but I definitely foresee that there's a lot of deal operators that really weren't operators. They were just greedy people wanting to get in on the, on the ride. Right. And buy these properties even probably have investor's money out there. And, but they've never done a deal before and they don't know how to operate something. And I imagine that's where there could be some good opportunities coming up.

Todd Dexheimer (11:47): I think so. I think so. And like you said, we don't like for me, it's you, when you look at it and go, Oh, I really, so some people are excited. They're like, Oh, it's great. I can't wait for people to start losing their properties. It's like, well you do you understand like that, that actually only hurts you as well. Like I've got properties. So if the guys around me guys and gals around me lose their properties, those value, my property pretty value is going to go down. Right. And so it's, it's it's yeah. Well, do I wish ill will upon anybody? No. But the matter of the fact is exactly what you said, likely there's going to be people that are gonna end up maybe not losing the property, but be told to sell. Lenders have low incompetence and you are going to be told to sell if you're not hitting your numbers. And so you're going to be forced, basically forced to sell and yeah, you're right. A lot of those people had no clue what they're doing or even if they did have a clue what they're doing, they were just going about it the wrong way, or they're going after these properties for fees. I think that's a lot of things. A lot of what was happening is people are going, wow, I can do this deal. I can syndicate it and I can make $300,000 right up front on this deal. That's a great payday Al's I need to do is one to two of those each year. And I'm doing really well. And some people are doing two, maybe three deals a year, they're making 600 to a million dollars, man. They didn't care how good the deal was. That's, Unfortunately I think what was happening.

Chris Miles (13:21): Yeah. No, there's, there's definitely, I've seen that. I have definitely seen that out there and you're right. Like we don't want people to have to sell off, like in a sense of just being, you know, selling off for dirt cheap or anything like that, you know, I would more see like where's the opportunity of increasing profits and it's something that's already there. Right. It's like, you know, where they just didn't operate it well, and yeah. In your opinion, like right now, I mean, what are you seeing? Are you seeing like good deals or you see in most everything's just junk currently?

Todd Dexheimer (13:50): Yeah. So currently I would say we haven't seen much adjustment. The sellers aren't quite ready to take a discount and yeah, I don't need the salaries to take a bath. Like I don't need, in order for me to feel comfortable with the buy. It's not like I need the sellers to sell for 40% discount or something like that now would that be great? Sure. You know, I need the sellers to come off of their, their price by let's call it 10%, maybe 15% and then, okay, I'm ready to, I'm ready to start buying. For me, my company. We don't need to buy Properties, dirt cheap. Now will we? If that happens. Absolutely. But all right. It's still about the fundamentals of the piece of real estate and how the numbers work and can we get our business plan to be able to take any, can we execute it? And so that's what really important part. So...

Chris Miles (14:43): Yeah. What kind of cash flow or NOI can you get from it? Right?

Todd Dexheimer (14:46): Yup. So I've been talking to a lot of brokers that deal in my space and they're kind of the same, most sellers are looking for right now between a 10% and a 20% discount or sorry, most buyers are looking for a 10% to 20% discount. Most sellers are well expecting to sell either at the previous high or within at least 10%. So they, I have heard from brokers, but a lot of sellers are understanding. They've got to come down 5% to 10% and but most buyers are actually even more than that. So we've got a gap there eventually that'll close.

Chris Miles (15:22): Yeah. It's got to take some time before they start adjusting and believing the numbers and say, okay.

Todd Dexheimer (15:27): Real estate. It's not the stock market. I mean, you're right, Chris. I mean the stock market goes like this and actually overreacts quickly. Where real estate actually Under reacts and takes a while for those, those drops to happen.

Chris Miles (15:41): Isn't that the beautiful thing about real estate? Is that it doesn't happen overnight. Right. Where people are used to, if they'd been watching the stock market, it's, it's painful to watch. You can't watch it, you know, without freaking out, you know. Where at least the real estate there's slow adjustments typically. I mean, whether the price go down or up, usually there's there's time involved.

Todd Dexheimer (16:00): Yup. Yeah. I mean, right now I've got a property on the market and I have priced at about the 15% below where I would have expected to sell it just a few months ago and I'm kicking myself because I should have sold it in January, but I didn't know this was happening for some reason.

Chris Miles (16:16): Of course.

Todd Dexheimer (16:17): But I still want to sell the property and I'm happy to take a 15% discount because quite frankly, it's still gonna, I'm still gonna do really well on it. And I see there's opportunity potentially coming. So I'd rather take that capital, be able to have it, be able to do it. Okay. Put it out there when better deals do come. So right now, if you're wanting to be a seller, it's Still sell because real estate slowly, as you said, it's going to take awhile.

Chris Miles (16:43): That's a good point, too. Like you said, you don't always have to find bad deals. It could be someone just like you, who already bought a great deal. It's appreciated, you know, you've add value to it. And of course now price is great. Even if you have to take a discount, you're still gonna make good, good money on it. So there's plenty of those deals too.

Todd Dexheimer (16:59): Yup.

Chris Miles (16:59): Well, great. Well how like, like tell us more about your show, the Pillars of Wealth Creation Show. Tell us about that.

Todd Dexheimer (17:05): Yeah. So Pillars of Wealth Creations, mainly a real estate show, but we're, we also talk to a lot of people that not aren't necessarily real estate investors first and foremost. So we're, the show is kind of more catered towards the business side of the real estate. Like not necessarily talking the nuts and bolts of real estate. I can learn that in a book for the most part. And there's a lot of other podcasts that talk about nuts and bolts. But one of the big things that we like to focus on is how do you really build a business the right way? So how do we take cause so many real estate investors are transactional, right? They think they think about real estate as just buying a piece of property and that's it. And then we're going to, we're going to be passive, right? We're going to buy this piece of property. We're gonna buy this a hundred unit apartment. And then we're going to be able to sit back on the beach and relax. Cause now we got all this cash flow. Well, that's not how it works. If you want to do that, then you need to passively truly passively invest in real estate.

Chris Miles (18:05): That's right.

Todd Dexheimer (18:07): But, if you're going to buy the piece of property and that you're going to be a part of that deal, you've got to be an active business owner. You've got to learn how to make a business plan. You've got to learn, you know, how to set up systems and processes. And you've got to learn how to build teams. You've got to do all the things that a regular business owner does. And so many real estate investors have no clue that that's even part of what they should be learning.

Chris Miles (18:28): It's so true. Like I'm in a kind of a high level mastermind group where you usually have to have at least a hundred doors to be in that group. And it's so common even with those guys, those guys who legitimately do have a business, right. Even for them to say, Oh, like I am getting up at 4:00AM, 5:00 AM to basically get to work and just hammer this out. And I'm trying to manage everybody. And I don't know if I should have a CEO or not, or a COO or, you know, they're like going nuts. They went from just trying to make money on a few flips and deals like that. And now they're like, man, like just to make these millions of dollars, I have no life like no real passive income. And, and that's a big difference. There's a big difference in lifestyle between that active investor, right? The person that is a business owner versus those that are just passively investing in. Like some sort of what you offer.

Todd Dexheimer (19:14): Yup. Yup. Absolutely.

Chris Miles (19:17): Yeah. Well, great. So obviously like if people follow your show, you, when you talk about syndications, you're probably talking about your syndications and deals you're doing right then too. Right. If you're, if people are looking for passive investments, you've got to, you've got your own funds as well, right?

Todd Dexheimer (19:30): Yeah. You know, on the show, I try not to, I don't probably talk too much about the deals as are going, but if we, when we close on a deal, I usually will give kind of a, Hey, here's what we did. Here are the lessons we learned along the way, you know, here's maybe some things we, you know, found in due diligence and why we made adjustments. And so we'll talk about, yeah, there's a lot of mistakes and lessons learned even along active deals, I've been doing this for a while, but I still make mistakes. I still learn a lot of things on every single deal that I feel like it can bring to my audience and allow them to hopefully learn as well. From what I've learned from my mistakes. So...

Chris Miles (20:13): Well, the thing I love is what you do is you're not the kind of guy to say, Hey, this deal looks awesome. Like you're not just, you know, running around like a monkey with a machine gun. Right. You're actually like, Hey, this deal doesn't fit my parameters, next. Okay. Like takes me 30 seconds. See this, this one's a no, like you just keep passing and passing. And those are like the best investors in my mind are the ones that say no to almost everything just like Warren Buffett did. He would always say, I say no to almost everything. And yes, the very, very few things, you know, and then you have to, you have to right. Like, there's, you can't be successful if you're just chasing after every little deal, you're going to have big, you're gonna have losses and maybe some gains, but you're gonna have a lot of losses. You won't be in business very long.

Todd Dexheimer (20:52): Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, Warren Buffett's obviously a pretty smart man. And you know, there, he says that for a reason, there's so many deals out there and those are deals for everybody else. Not for me.

Chris Miles (21:06): Yeah. I actually remember him. He said a quote. And he said that to one of my friends in an interview, he said the difference between the successful and the ultra successful is that the ultra successful say no, almost every time.

Todd Dexheimer (21:16): Yeah.

Chris Miles (21:17): You know, I know it's true. And I know you're that kind of guy too. So same way as you know, listeners, you guys, those who are following this, like check out his website, for sure. What's, do you have a website that people could follow?

Todd Dexheimer (21:30): Yeah. A couple of websites, Pillars of Wealth Creation. They can get to my podcast and then just my general website, which should, they can actually still get to my podcasts or that is at VentureDProperties.com. So it's venture and then D as in dog or Dexheimer properties.com.

Chris Miles (21:49): Awesome. Yeah. I'll definitely make sure we get to get those links in the show notes. So if you can follow you, follow your show or even check out your site and get to know you more, obviously, especially if people are looking for investing in opportunities and things of that nature, because obviously you're looking right now, you're actively looking for the right deals. Not just any deal.

Todd Dexheimer (22:06): Yeah. Looking for the right deals and there's opportunities that are going to come down the pipeline. And I think the important part for people that right now to be just thinking about is, what are the paradigms that are going to be shifting through this whole event, right? People's paradigm shift. Consumers, thoughts are going to shift, workers habits are going to shift. So there's going to be different things that are going to come out of this. And how can we make sure we're positioning ourselves to be able to take advantage of the opportunities that are in front of us. And it's not necessarily take advantage of other people. It's take advantage of the people's wants and needs that, you know, the consumers wants and needs out there. If you can best serve them. I think you're going to have a lot of success. And that's what I'm working with. Multifamily with real estate in general, I consider myself a value add real estate investor multifamily. I love a lot, but I also look at other asset classes. So we look at, you know, what are the strengths and weaknesses? What are the trends? Where do we, I think that things are going to be going, and we're trying to make the best decisions obviously for ourselves and our investors on that.

Chris Miles (23:06): Yeah. Working to improve upon something and make it better, you know, for everybody. Right. And that's...

Todd Dexheimer (23:10): Absolutely!

Chris Miles (23:12): What cooler way to make money than actually bettering people's lives and making money from that? I mean, that's the way life and that's where the world should be in my opinion. Yeah. Well, great. Hey, I appreciate your time so much Todd. Like this is awesome. Again, everybody check out the links in the show notes, you know, follow his podcast or check out his site. So everybody, you remember, it's all about patience. It's all about looking for the right thing. Not just anything but the very right thing. So follow Todd and everybody, I hope you make it a wonderful and prosperous week. We'll see you later!

[avatarofthelonely]

anyway if s5 tma isnt a “everyone just fucking dies” ending and only a handful of the characters die my bets are on...

1. jonah

(i could write a whole dissertation on why jonah is like 99.9% going to die but the lowdown is that hes a terrible cocky bastard and knowing jonnys past projects hes gonna get exactly whats coming for him)

2. daisy. i love her and how far shes come but i think how far shes come is exactly why shes most likely to die. all the characters to have big in audio deaths (not counting sasha obviously may she rest in peace) had character arcs that were fulfilled/didnt need to be branched out anymore, and out of the main 6 characters were probably going to be getting next season i think that daisy has the least character development left that Needs to happen. shes learned from her mistakes and tried to better herself, and had made a pretty big sacrifice last time we saw her, all that paired with the fact that basira is most likely going to have to face her again and possibly “put her down”, it just seems very likely that daisys probablyyyy gonna die/just not come back. if theres multiple deaths she would probably be the first to die

3. jon and martin. these two are kinda weird because i feel like if anyones gonna have to die its gonna be one or both of them, but since theyre the main protagonists im guessing it wont be until the very end of the season probably in some self sacrificial way, either separately or together preferably loki and sigyn from tbi style but yknow. romantics aside i think my reasons why they could possibly individually die are

- jons the main character of a horror tragedy written by jonny sims, has a penchant for self sacrifice, and knowing him is going to be very down on himself for being a pawn in starting the eyepocalypse and will probably try to “fix” that with the previously stated fact....yeah this bitch is probably gonna die 

- martin dying is mostly a part of my dumbass theory ive had since like september that theres a pattern to the main end of season deaths in the show where assistants die in odd seasons (and annoying old men die on the even seasons but we aint talking about that (i was right about that though (just saying))) along with the fact that all three of gertrudes own assistants “met an untimely end”, just kinda getting the vibe that martin.....will not be okay (also side note i love to rib jon for being so self sacrificial but do you think martin would also not be completely willing to die for the world and his loved ones??? i have to laugh. this bitch is also gonna probably die)

what about those other people though!? why wont they die!?!? well....

basira: while daisy feels like she has the most complete character arc basira does not. a lot of her current problems are similar to early jon where she feels like she cant trust anyone and has to take on everything herself, and i feel like thats something shes really gonna have to work through in this upcoming season where its literally the apocalypse and shes gonna have to trust others if she wants to get through it. i dont think itd be entirely impossible for her to die later in the season but i entirely disagree with theories that she may have gotten jonah’d or taken by the not them because it just seems like a half assed way to end her character arc, so i highly doubt that shes already dead (putting her on the “wont die” side though just because im a lot less sure she will than the previous characters)

georgie and melanie: Jonny. I Am Speaking To You Directly. I Will Literally Break Into Your House If Either Of These Two Die Specifically. They Have Been Through Enough. Let Them Rest Easy With The Admiral. Also Georgie And Jon Should Be Friends Again.That Is All.

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[lifeafterten]

RtN 02: Sept 02 -Sept 12; Get Me the FUCK Outta Here

I’ve been here for days. Who the fuck stays in the hospital for days?... Fucked up people. And I’m in Fucked-Upville-- Population (points to self) this mother fucker. 

Okay. Okay. I’m turning the drama down.  Honestly though... I’ve been here a fucking while. I have an I.V. tube in each arm, one for fluids, because I’m perpetually dehydrated, the other is for the antibiotics that don’t seem to be working, because I still feel like death. I have to often lay in awkward positions so I don’t tangle myself and make the machines go off. So. Much. Beeping. And I swear to Christ, if they come at you with a little blue bag and claim it’s potassium... RUN--Fucking run, because once they hook your ass up to that shit you’ll feel like they’re injecting fire into your veins and you can’t scream because let’s face it: you’re too damn tired, so you settle for some weird case of facial Tourettes in the form of wincing and hissing. And they turn the drip down enough for the fire to feel like a sting... and you feel that effervescent sting until it’s done. It’s “supposed” to take 30 minutes-- they say. But my pansy ass can’t take the heat so the slowed down version makes it last at least an hour and some change. I pray I’m not stubborn enough today to take the morphine.  Why won’t you take the morphine, Ashley? I’ll fucking tell you why-- I have control issues.  And the morphine feels too fucking good that I need the pain to remind me that I’m still alive and to gauge between dream and reality.

At this point I’m agitated (by pain and impatience). I’ve been stuck by damned needled so many times, because of all the bloodletting I’ve been doing.  These assholes have been taking my life source (no, not coffee, you freak) twice a day. Oh, I’m sorry, they’ve been taking my “blood cultures” twice a day.

Why? They don’t say. They tell me to ask my doctor. My doctor is a pussy.  Soft spoken; pussy footing fucking pussy, who can’t give me a straight answer.

I dismiss my doctor more than a person dismisses alcoholism. Day drinking is not a bad thing. Who cares if it’s barely noon and you’ve been drinking since 9. ... Not speaking from experience-- Anyway!

I dismissed my doctor a lot. I couldn’t help it. I’ve been laying up in this bitch for weeks and you can’t give me some indication of what’s going on; let alone a time frame of when I’ll be able to go home-- on top of a mother fucking reason why I’m being kept in here for so damn long? Yeah. Fuck that shit. Dismissed, mother fucker. I have no fucks to give for useless asshats. Come talk to me when you can tell me what the fuck’s up. 

I’ve been moved to three or four rooms. From the ER bed to Surgery... Then to another room in Surgery... to the Telemetry ward, because my heart rate was too high-- which honestly I’m not surprised... I’ve been on permanent pissed the hell off for quite some time now.  They take my vitals every 30 minutes.  I’ve been counting because I literally have nothing else to do, besides... I only feel that it’s fair that I monitor them while they monitor me. But mostly it’s because I’m bored and there’s nothing on TV.  By now I’ve refused visitors.  I’ve dodged death a couple times.

Homicide via Mio overdose: Backstory: I asked for Mio, because they kept saying I was dehydrated and I thought I needed electrolytes like a muh’fug, so when my friend Kris came by (note she had no idea what Mio was let alone how to use it) and had dumped an entire bottle of Mio (24 servings) into my water jug (16 - 24 oz tops). I take one sip of it and I thought I was gonna die. Chest was on fire. My machines were going crazy, because I was coughing my lungs out and poor Kris is panicked and distraught. Its hard to convey you’re okay if you’re croaking like you’ve been smoking for about 300 years and your vision is obscured by tears. Sidenote: The incident still brings her to tears to this day, she feels so bad. Personally, I think it’s adorable and funny... Now, at the time...? Owie.

Suicide via Mother doth Love too much: I love my mother. I do. I love my entire family. But they like to hover and it was stifling. They’re looking at me with worried eyes when they think I’m asleep and I get it.  It doesn’t look good, kid.  My sister? God love her, she tries to keep the worry and her tears in check because she knows I don’t know how to handle them.  My Dad? Shit, my dad knows what’s up. He knows I’m gonna handle my shit the only way I know how. On my own terms. This is why I’m a daddy’s girl. My brother and sister in law on the other hand? My bother spilled water down the front of my gown (had to change that shit. not fun) and his wife, in her efforts to break my fever, stuffed my fresh new gown with ice packs.. And when I say ice packs, I mean latex gloves filled with ice stuffed in my gown. Stuffed. In. My. Fucking. Gown. That’s it-- I’ve had it! Everyone’s banned.

And it’s also hard to put on a tough front when all I wanna do is cry, but I end up just being angry instead.

The only human interaction I had is when the nurses are taking my blood, or my vitals, or switching my IV bags, or helping me to the bathroom to do bathroom things, or giving me sponge baths because I’m too weak to get out of bed, or shooting morphine into my body to ease my torment; or shoving pills down my fucking throat because nothing is fucking working. I’m still getting fevers out of nowhere.  People are coming in and out every morning to lift my gown up (they do it so much they don’t even ask anymore. A brief thought of charging them crosses my mind, and I allow a small giggle. Because it’s silly, because I’m glad I still had somewhat of a sense of humor.) Still, I think my cooter deserves some ounce of respect. Women’s lib and all that crap. I’ve turned this part of the day into a game (I’m SO fucking bored). I like to spot the face tightening moment when they assess whatever the fuck is going on with my leg (I don’t know. I haven’t seen... I don’t want to see yet). 

It’s fun for me, because they’re medical professionals-- they’re supposed to be used to this kind of thing. But the face tightening? To me that’s a victory. That just means they have to school their expressions to indifference so as to not alarm me. Ah, bed side manner.  They’re so sweet. But I know just by their non-expressions that it looks fucked up. I have to look at the small details; read between the lines of what they’re not telling me.  I’d be in the dark otherwise. What are they not telling me? I know they’re testing for something... But I don’t know what they’re testing for. I stamp down fear, because I don’t have enough data to panic.

My dreams are getting scarier, because of the morphine. No more morphine, I promise myself. Vicodin only.  Yeah, that seems safer. The nurses, I’ve learned, just need someone to listen to them. Since I can’t get a decent night’s sleep because they’re fucking coming in every 15 to 30 minutes all day, every day, all the fucking time... Why the fuck not? I got nowhere else to be. I seem to have opened Pandora’s Box, because it’s 3am and I’m giving life advice to Agnes who has a very rebellious son, whom I point out is 16 years old and he’s going through a phase, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad mother.  Which I reminds me that I need to tell Doris who’s part of the Day crew that Agnes is off on Wednesdays too and that they should hangout together, because I think they would get along. I make a mental note to pass Agnes’ number to Doris later. I really should start charging... This pro bono shit aint working out. 

During my hospital stay I’ve managed the following:

Make only 4 nurse assistants cry

Befriend most if not all the Filipino nurses (they gave me all the apple sauce I wanted)

Make that one stern Indian Night Nurse smile (she gave me yogurt and bananas every time she was on shift)

Counsel only 5 to 6 nurses, mostly 5.. the 6th one kinda got weird. Didn’t take whatever she gave me.

Snob my doctor almost every day. 

Made my main nurse laugh because she thinks I’m a riot. 

Days later it was time for me to go home. I knew this for damned sure.  I saw so many specialists from an infectious disease doctor to a surgeon. I was so fucking bloated from all the fluids they were trying to fill me with that they could barely find veins to stab to get their precious blood cultures from. 

I also decided that with my body like this the Mitchelin tire man was my cousin.

Sidenote: To hell with the Infectious Disease doctor. That heifer made me lay on my side for two fucking days straight. Fat load that shit did for me. With all the extra fluids in my body, it just shifted to one side. All it gave me was a backache and lopsided boobs... and some fucking fluid in my lungs. Fucking devil woman. I got a fucked up leg, I’m the size of a float during the Macy’s Day Parade, and now I got lopsided tits. It’s funny... now. At the time? Not so much. It was September 12.  I had broken out in a rash due to an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics. (Let’s just add that to the list of whatever the fuck else is wrong with my body, shall we?) My “doctor” (doesn’t deserve the title nor respect. Sorry not sorry) was trying to get me to stay a few more days. I’ve had quite enough. I told him to get the discharge papers ready. I’m leaving. My fevers were gone. My leg wasn’t draining so badly anymore (ew, gross. sorry) I felt fine. Despite me constantly checking my hands so they don’t try to scrape my skin off. Fucking hell I was so itchy. I didn’t need to be in here. That’s when the good doctor decided to divulge that I hurt his feelings and that I was his least favorite patient. (Boo freakity hoo.) But I was a good girl and let him talk, said all the appropriate things. ... He’s still a pussy.  He was glad to be rid of me and the feeling was more than fucking mutual. I did not tell him to get fucked. I did not tell him to suck my dick. I did not flick him off. I did not throw shit at him. I was rather proud of myself. I showed great restraint.  But I did point out that just because he had the “MD” attached to his name, does not mean automatic respect. Respect is earned Dr. Pussy foot.  I signed the paperwork with relish. Jessie came to pick me up and I was whisked off to spend my mandatory (couldn’t argue my way outta that one) bed rest at the Joseph’s.  I’m so tired of laying down. TBC...

[adaine]

tag game

thanks bb @brooklynbabybucky ilysm

LAST…

drink: raspberry peace tea

phone call: the b*nk

text message: emerson 

song you listened to: i’m listening to the smartphone hour rn

time you cried: hmm a few weeks ago in montana

EVER…

dated someone twice: nope

kissed someone and regretted it: no kisses for me

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: yeah. my grandpa but it was 2nd grade

been depressed: oh yeet

gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

favorite colors: ever favorite colors doesn’t make sense but green and black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

made new friends: yes!!!

fallen out of love: lmao nope

laughed until you cried: yeah i’m a messy bitch

found out someone was talking about you: no solid proof but yeah lmao ik yall aint slick

met someone who changed you: my friends at college really changed me but i met them like a year and a week ago but i didn’t know them well at all at first so i’m counting it yes

found out who your friends are: yes lmao i have

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: almost all

do you have any pets: not anymore rip benji and pierre the real ogs

do you want to change your name: nope

what did you do for your last birthday: my dad and brother came out a few days before for thanksgiving and then all my friends forgot about it lmao but we ended up eating expired cake together

what were you doing at midnight last night: trying desperately to go to sleep bc i had to be up early today (didn’t fall asleep till 2am)

what is something you can’t wait for: everything w my study abroad specifically the sigrid concert and the skam convention, going back to laramie

what are you listening to right now: pitiful children

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah lmao that’s my cousin’s name. it’s also the name of the white gay guy who lived on floor 12 last yr and dropped out for his rap career

something that gets on your nerves: people touching me w their f**t

most visited website: discord bc i have the computer app but i use the site instead lmao

hair color: brown but i currently have parts of it dyed blue

long or short hair: medium but i’m never cutting it this short again bc my sister told me i looked like lord farquaad

do you have a crush on someone: yuppppp

what do you like about yourself: my brain i guess like the intelligence part tho not the mental illness part

want any piercings: a cartilage piercing would be cool but i won’t do it bc i can’t even keep my normal earrings in consistently

blood type: no idea

nicknames: jules

relationship status: single and lonely!!!

zodiac: sagittarius

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv shows: skam, dark, la casa de papel, sense8, andi mack, ik there’s more but also i hate watch half the shows i watch so lmao some used to be my faves but now i’m bitter

right or left handed: right

ever had surgery: no

piercings: just normal ones, one on each side, probably nearly closed

sports: soccer and softball from preschool through 8th grade, basketball 1st grade and then 4th-8th grade

vacation: i think last vacation was my fave place on earth, glacier ntl park

eating: we had portillos yeet!

drinking: last non-alcoholic drink was what i said before but i had malibu and grapefruit juice the other week yummie

about to watch: nothing tonight but i’ve been watching cloak & dagger and tabula rasa

waiting for: september 29 when i leave for england

want: to see my friends

get married: please!!!! i want this!

career: bioelectrical engineer but also being an author would be dope on the side

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: i’ve never been kissed so hugs i guess

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: choices that make you go hmmm (but i am friends w more younger ppl and i’ve had crushes on a few but not like way younger gross)

nice arms or stomach: stomach bc mine uglee

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker i need excitement

HAVE YOU EVER…

kissed a stranger: nope

drunk hard liquor: yeet

lost glasses: lmao yeah but bc i wear contacts usually

turned someone down: yeah my friend asked me out over email in 6th grade deadass

sex on the first date: that would require two things to happen that i’ve never done so no

broken someone’s heart: don’t think so

had your heart broken: in a friendship context yeah

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yeah but not at the time like after

fallen for a friend: lmao yep. i’ve also done it in the opposite order where i’ve fallen for someone and my lack of flirting ability made us friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

yourself: sometimes

miracles: meh

love at first sight: i guess

santa claus: no

kiss on a first date: yeah 

angels: no

OTHERS

best friend’s name: Amanda

eye colour: blue

favorite movie: romeo + juliet

favorite actors: tarjei sandvik moe, lisa teige, natalie portman, mark hamill, alfie enoch

tagging whoever bc im a failure