#AMAZING TALENTED SCOTTISH PRINCE

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I saw two of my favourite musicians live the other night. It was brilliant, here's some stuff I wrote down.

Quick bit of background because I probably write posts like this too often without context: Canada has four East Coast provinces - Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, New Brunswick, and Prince Edward Island. Nova Scotia is full of Scottish descendants and Newfoundland is full of Irish descendants and as such, there is a lot of Celtic folk music in both those places, with a lot of overlap but they have their own distinct culture. Distinct partly due to their roots (get you get more Scottish Gaelic lyrics in Nova Scotia and Irish Gaelic lyrics in Newfoundland, the Nova Scotians are always wearing/singing about the Nova Scotia tartan, that sort of thing), but also they've developed their own Canadian styles of folk music that are in some ways distinct from each other but in many ways similar. There are lots of great folk musicians from all over Canada, but the East Coast provinces are where folk music is by far the most popular, ranging from traditional to modern, from Celtic-inspired to their own thing. There's an island that's part of Nova Scotia called Cape Breton where they teach (Scottish) Gaelic in language class and step dancing in gym class and fiddle in music class so all the kids grow up to be folk singers and you cannot throw a rock without hitting someone who's won an ECMA (East Coast Music Award, they're a big thing if you're into that sort of thing). My dad raised me on folk music in general but specifically on East Coast music, which now that I think about it is a bit odd because it's my mom's side of the family that's actually from Nova Scotia. He doesn't only listen to East Coast music and neither do I, there is more to Canadian folk music than just the East; my dad grew up buying every album by Gordon Lightfoot and Joni Mitchell and Bruce Cockburn, and he saw Neil Young play in a bar in 1975. But a few islands on the East Coast of Canada are responsible for a shocking amount of my favourite music per capita.

Dave Gunning and JP Cormier are both Nova Scotian folk musicians (JP Cormier is one of those guys who adopted the East Coast despite not actually being from there, but in this case “East Coast Canadian folk music” is more of a genre than a specific location) who’ve been among my favourties since I was young, so I was delighted in 2017 when I heard they were putting out an album together. When I actually got to hear the album, it exceeded my very high expectations, it’s one of my favourite albums in the entire world, by anyone. It’s called Two.

They’re both among the best on their own for different reasons, but together they’re so much more than the sum of their parts. The biggest thing that I still cannot get over about them together are the vocal harmonies. The seams between their voices disappear completely on every song, they do it like it’s nothing. It’s incredible.

JP Cormier is head and shoulders above most of his peers as an amazing multi-instrumentalist. He can play the guitar and the fiddle and the mandolin and the banjo and the cello and somehow percussion and piano. And he doesn’t just “dabble” in the variety. He put out an entire album of instrumental-only guitar tracks once and it was amazing, he’s also won multiple awards for his fiddling. Also he’s got the most beautiful melodious singing voice. On pure talent he’s just the best at everything. I saw him do a two-hour solo concert at a bar in 2008, his album The Messenger had just come out and he played almost every track off it and that is such a good album, and it was one of the best fucking things I’ve ever seen.

In 2009, when I was 18, I went to the Stan Rogers Folk Festival in Canso, Nova Scotia. JP Cormier had played that festival every year for decades, he was a hero there, and it was a big story throughout the festival that this year, for some reason, he’d agreed to perform at the Sudbury Folk Festival on the same weekend so he wouldn’t be at Canso. It was disappointing. It was my second time at StanFest (it’s a 16-hour drive from where I live, followed by a weekend of camping, I’ve been in 2002 and 2009), and I had greatly enjoyed seeing JP Cormier there the first time I went, so I was sorry that my second trip happened to be the one time he wasn’t there.

On the Sunday, last day of the festival, they have a tradition where at noon, they stop all the stages besides the main stage, so everyone at the entire festival gathers in the big field at the main stage for an hour. They put about 12 musicians on stage, who take turns singing Stan Rogers songs/playing backup music on each other’s songs, and at the end of the hour everyone in the entire crowd singings Barrett Privateers and Northwest Passage a cappella and I get to see some old people around me cry so that’s fun (seriously, it’s fucking beautiful).

That weekend, they’d just finished introducing the 12 musicians on stage when suddenly I heard the crowd around me erupt into cheers and they were all turned around, so I turned around and saw this huge man walking down the aisle separating the lawn chairs. The cheers were deafening and kept up all the way until he reached the stage, walked up, grabbed the mic out of the announcer’s hand, and shouted “I was on the plane to Sudbury when I realized I belong here, so I told those people they can shove it and I turned around!” And then he proceeded to back up all the other musicians in their Stan songs, and he sang one of his own. And you have never seen a crowd of senior citizens go so wild.

It wasn’t until after it was over that my dad pointed out to me that they never said his name. JP Cormier’s got a pretty distinctive appearance – basically he’s massive – and every person in that entire crowd all recognized him instantly, and collectively lost their shit despite him having no introduction. That’s pretty cool. It also, of course, occurred to me that actually, if he really canceled on a different festival at the last moment, that’s kind of a shitty thing to do. But I’m going to hope he was just saying that for bravado to a crowd that wanted to hear it, as he didn’t arrive in Canso until noon on Sunday. He’d have had time to play a bit in Sudbury and then fly back. Hopefully that’s what he actually did. But that crowd in Canso, Nova Scotia was pretty fucking happy to hear he’d told Sudbury to shove it for them.

I’ve seen JP Cormier live lots of times, but the other major one that comes to mind was in 2019, when I went to the Celtic Colours Festival in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. My parents and I got tickets to see him in a concert hall with Tim Edey, this British guy he’d been touring with. They both started playing guitar at the beginning of the hour… and then they didn’t stop. Not once. For the entire hour. Mostly they played at the same time, sometimes one or the other would play solo for a bit, but the whole time, neither of them said a word, and at least one was always playing. Sometimes one of them would slow down enough to make it look like they were going to stop this, turn to the crowd, say “Thanks for indulging our fun improv”, and then start playing their actual songs, which was what the audience had expected (it hadn’t be advertised as anything but a normal concert by two guys who do have songs). But just as they’d almost faded out, they’d renew their energy and start playing faster. Sometimes they’d get in each other’s faces, one would play something particularly fast or odd, challenging the other to match or one-up it, and they would, the other one would repeat the riff and add something, and then other would repeat that but even faster, and they’d go back and forth and it would be incredible. They did not stop until the hour was over, when they waved to the crowd and walked off stage.

I suppose that technically, the audience didn’t get what they expected when they paid for the tickets. But I cannot imagine a single person in that building could feel cheated. I’ve seen many concerts, but I’ve never seen anything like that. My parents and I still talk about what an incredible thing we all got to witness that night.

So JP Cormier is a fucking legend, which makes it odd that off the two people in the double act I saw the other night, if pressed to choose between them, I think Dave Gunning would be my favourite. Dave Gunning’s a strong candidate for my favourite musician. I would probably say Lennie Gallant is my favourite musician, but I think I’ve spent more hours of my life listening to Dave Gunning than to Lennie Gallant. I’ve spent more hours listening to Dave Gunning than to JP Cormier. To almost anyone.

I first saw Dave Gunning at the Lunenburg Folk Festival in 2014, when I was 13 years old. I normally went to folk festivals with my father, but he was back home while my mother and I were visiting my grandparents in Nova Scotia. We drove into this little Nova Scotian town called Lunenburg, because their folk festival was on while we were there, and a Cape Breton guy I really liked named Bruce Guthro was playing.

Bruce Guthro had a guy opening for him, just playing about three songs before Guthro did his full hour. That guy was tall and skinny and appeared mildly terrified to be there, but then all three of his songs absolutely captivated me. My mom and I kept nudging each other to say “Oh wow, this guy’s better than we were expecting.” At the end of his short set he plugged his solo show that he was doing later that day at a (smaller) stage at the same festival, and his then-new album, Two-Bit World. I enjoyed the Bruce Guthro show that followed, but when it ended, my main comment to my mother was I couldn’t believe how good the opener was. We went to his own show in the afternoon, saw him do an hour of socially awkward patter around incredible songs, they were too good to match how self-effacing he was. We immediately went to the CD tent and bought his album.

This was exciting to me, because until then, all my favourite music was stuff to which my dad had introduced me. My dad had a huge CD collection that I was lucky enough to be able to use as a library when I was a kid, taking CDs to my room a few at a time to play on my boom box stereo, because that’s the era in which I grew up. I hear people talk about what was the “first album” they bought, and I’m not sure what mine was, because my favourite albums as a kid were all things I didn’t have to buy as my dad just let me use them.

So when I was 13, Dave Gunning became the first music I ever got to introduce to my dad, rather than the other way around. I was so excited to play the CD for him when we got home from Nova Scotia. He asked how he didn’t already know this guy, and I said I don’t know, I can’t believe he’d missed him. My dad listened to that CD once, and immediately started looking into acquiring Gunning’s other albums, and looking up when he was performing out our way so he could see him live too.

Dave Gunning has been a staple in our family ever since. We did acquire the stuff he made before 2004 – a live album from 2002, and one from 2000 called Caught Between Shadows. He also has a couple of albums from the 90s that I have tried quite hard to find but they do not appear to exist anymore.

I have no idea how many times I’ve seen Dave Gunning live since that day in 2004, but it’s a lot. A lot of times my dad and I would see him several times in one festival, just following him from one stage to another. He was on stage at StanFest 2012 when JP Cormier made the whole crowd scream at once by telling Sudbury to shove it, and the day before that, I think I’d seen Dave Gunning play four different workshops. I have every album he’s released since Two-Bit World, and I think for all but two of them, I saw him live at least once when that album was new and he was promoting it, so I’ve seen him play most of his albums live. I’ve seen him play in fields and basements and pubs and concert halls and community centres.

I think anyone would admit that Dave Gunning does not have the blinding multi-instrumental talent of JP Cormier, because absolutely no one has the blinding multi-instrumental talent of JP Cormier. But pretty well no one can write a song like Dave Gunning. They’re deceptively simple but subtly complicated. They’re sometimes playful and sometimes contemplative and sometimes devastatingly poignant and sometimes meaningful stories and a surprising number of them are about old-timey executions.

My mother’s parents grew up as high school sweethearts in Nova Scotia, then moved all over the place as my mother was growing up, and 30 years ago retired back to rural Nova Scotia. They’ve been married for almost 67 years. This year they both turned 90 – my grandmother in November 2023 and my grandfather in January 2024. I wanted to make them something special, so I found a bunch of old pictures from when they were young, and put them together in a video to play at their birthday celebration and make my grandmother and my mother cry (that mission was very much accomplished).

There was no question about what song to use: Dave Gunning’s Saltwater Hearts, a song about an elderly Nova Scotian couple that had lived their lives by the Atlantic Ocean together. This song is off Two-Bit World, the first CD I ever bought by him, and it was one of the three songs he played the first time I ever saw him, when he opened for Bruce Guthro. The first time I ever heard that song it made me think of my grandparents, and now, 20 years later, my grandmother calls me every few weeks to tell me she’s watched the video again with the pictures and the song about her and my grandfather. Dave Gunning's music is now embedded into my family history.

I’ve written before about the kid at the centre where I work as an autism therapist, who loves music. He can only say a few words, he doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to use augmented communication, he gets overwhelmed easily and can try to hurt himself or others, and unlike a lot of the kids there, he’s not interested in toys, so there’s not much we can do to keep him happy. The only thing he really likes is music, but he loves that, so I’ve learned how to use that to help him emotionally regulate. I play him a big variety of stuff, but I think I can say Dave Gunning’s his favourite. It’s probably the stuff I play him most often. It started because Gunning’s put out a couple of Christmas albums, and I played the kid some Christmas songs because that’s good kid-friendly stuff. But then one day I accidentally put on one of Dave Gunning’s fiddle medleys, and the kid loved it, so now I play him Dave Gunning’s full catalogue, from the silly Christmas songs to the trad Celtic stuff and everything in between, and it all goes over well.

I think the kid’s favourite album is Dave Gunning’s Tribute to John Allan Cameron, which I first saw Dave Gunning promote at a bar in Halifax where he played most of the album and the crowd went wild for it and it was amazing. That album came out in 2010, four years after the death of John Allan Cameron, who was a Cape Breton guy who got credited with taking the folk songs that got sang in kitchens of Cape Breton, and playing them in public to popularize them. He died, Dave Gunning made an album with a combination of covers of songs written by John Allan Cameron and songs that John Allan Cameron liked a lot, it’s Gunning’s most traditional album because John Allen Cameron was a trad music guy, it’s also the kid’s favourite album, proving that I never had to be concerned about avoiding playing him music that would be too traditional for a kid. A silly concern, really, as I loved traditional music when I was a kid.

One time I was able to stop the kid in the middle of a meltdown by putting on The Mingulay Boat Song – he went from standing up and crying to immediately sitting down on his knees, closing his eyes, and just swaying back and forth until the song ended. Because of that kid, I’ve been listening to a lot of Dave Gunning the last eight months or so, as I’ve been playing it at work as well as at home.

I have so many memories of Dave Gunning across so many years. I remember the first time I heard his song Made on a Monday, played at some folk festival or other (I think it was the Stewart Park Festival in Perth, Ontario), which he introduced by saying he wrote it after being told to never buy a car that was made on a Monday because no one does their best work on Mondays. When I heard that song, it was the first time I ever thought, “Oh, cool, there’s an adult who knows how I feel.” I now, of course, know that the world is full of songs about teenagers who don’t fit in, it's not an unusual topic for music. But I didn’t know that when I was a teenager, because I only listened to folk music, which didn’t cover that feeling quite as often as teenage music did. So it was a revelation to hear an adult sing about feeling like you’d been made wrong.

That was the same album that had the song Big Shoes, so I’d have heard that for the first time at the same festival, in probably the same set. I don’t remember the exact circumstances around it, but I distinctly recall the first time I heard that one, sitting on a lawn chair in some field and being overwhelmed by hearing a man describe how music felt to me. Big Shoes is a song that Dave Gunning wrote about how he felt when he saw Stan Rogers and John Allan Cameron live, but I heard it and looked up at Dave Gunning and thought that’s how Dave Gunning makes me feel, as does so much else at that folk festival. “It was rock and roll to me/He might as well have been the king.” Amazing line to hear when I was 19 and had this music that I loved and shared with no one but my parents, no one at school had heard of any of it, they were all talking about their teenage bands and I just had these folk musicians who were my rock and roll. (In my late teens/early 20s I did actually get into various genres of rock music, as well as alt-country, but for the first 20-ish years I was pretty exclusively into Canadian folk music, which meant I had nothing to contribute to conversations with people my age about what we were listening to.)

Given all this, you can imagine my delight when JP Cormier and Dave Gunning put out a joint album in 2017. And you can imagine my further delight when it was even better than I’d expected, even better than the sum of its parts, it’s now one of my favourite all-time albums. And you can imagine my further delight when they put out a follow-up album in 2023 called Leather and Dust. And you can imagine my mixed emotions when, in summer 2023, my parents were in Nova Scotia at the same time as Gunning and Comier were playing a small folk festival out there to promote their new album, while I was back home and couldn’t go. Both my parents went, and I made my dad send me pictures and videos. It looked amazing.

I actually got pretty emotional about that, because I realized I’d seen almost no live music in several years, since pre-COVID. I’d taken folk festivals for granted for so much of my life, as a staple of every summer, as well as more live music sprinkled across the year. When 2020 cut all that off, I just never took up live music again. Watching short videos of my parents seeing Gunning and Cormier last year reminded me of how much I missed it.

I figured I can’t have the amazing East Coast music scene because I’m not in Nova Scotia, but they still have stuff here, so I Googled folk music in my area. Learned about a relatively new venue that plays folk music exclusively and has a monthly Celtic night. Bought tickets to that Celtic night, attended it in August 2023, loved it, resolved to take up live music again. Since then, I’ve been to a bunch of gigs at that same venue, it’s a wonderful place, I’m so glad I was prompted to discover it. A folk festival crowd all year round.

In November, I was browsing that venue’s calendar because I didn’t have a Christmas gift for my parents, and I saw that Gunning and Cormier were playing there on April 25. Perfect. I got tickets. Well, I got Garnet Rogers tickets for my mom and I, which we went to in February and that was also great. I got Gunning and Cormier tickets for my dad and I. I shared the plan with my mom and she got a ticket too.

And that is where I was a couple of nights ago. Fucking amazing night. I’m still most blown away by the harmonies. I’d never seen them play together before (not specifically as a double act, anyway – I’d seen them share stages with lots of others a few times at festivals), and it was incredible how little setup there was. I hear the magical vocal combinations on their albums, and I assume they must plan that carefully, do several takes, have to get into the zone to be able to pull that off. But nope. Live, they can be joking around with the crowd, and then two seconds later they’re playing their guitars and matching their voices perfectly. If I close my eyes it could be one person singing.

They put on a great show. JP Cormier is gruff in his inter-song patter, such a contrast to his soft and lovely singing voice. Dave Gunning talking is exactly what you’d expect from his songs, exactly what you’d expect from his gangly appearance, awkward and humble and differential to JP, but repeatedly genuinely funny. They were both funny.

They gave interesting stories to explain some of the weird shit going on in their Leather and Dust album, which was cool, because I had been wondering. It’s a wonderful album, but in some cases, fucking weird. They’re a couple of Nova Scotian folk singers, but this album contains covers of The Alan Parsons Project, this weird American guy who sang about school shootings among other things, Stompin’ Tom Connors, and The Killers. The last one being one of the few songs off Leather and Dust that they didn’t play and also didn’t acknowledge at any point, we got no explanation for why they did that. Human by The Killers – a pop/rock song that used to be inescapable on mainstream radio – is just on a Gunning and Cormier album and they felt no need to tell us why.

It reminds me a bit of that time when Great Big Sea wrote an apology for going all weird on us after they got famous in the States, and put it on the same album as a Led Zeppelin cover. To be fair Gallows Pole is a traditional song and therefore technically more in the wheelhouse of Great Big Sea than Led Zeppelin, but Robert Plant has an arranging credit on a Great Big Sea album, and that is the only case of East Coast Canadian folk musicians covering something out of character that’s more weird than Gunning and Cormier doing The Killers.

Anyway, though, the point is that the concert was great even if they didn’t explain that. Dave Gunning pulled out his Stompin’ Tom impression briefly, which reminded me of that time on his live album from 2002 when he did an entire Stompin’ Tom cover in character as his Stompin’ Tom impression, and it’s a fucking good impression. I once played that song for my mother without telling her what it was, and it took her over two minutes to realize that wasn’t the actual Stompin’ Tom singing.

James Keelaghan was in the crowd (at the gig the other night, not during the live album from 20 years ago - I mean he might have been there too, I guess), which was fucking cool, you know you're at a cool music show when other musicians you like are also there (I've been playing a bunch of James Keelaghan for the kid at work lately, it's been going down well). They even referenced something I remember from years ago! When I was a kid, I saw several folk festival workshops with Lennie Gallant and James Keelaghan on the same stage, where they'd always tell the story of how they once got into a debate about who had killed off the most people in their songs. "And I thought I'd won," Lennie would say, "Because I've written a song about the Titanic. But James wrote a song called Everyone Dies." The other night, Dave Gunning and JP Cormier made some jokes about how they keep writing songs about outlaws getting hung on guillotines, and they like to kill people off in their songs, and then they pointed at James Keelaghan and said of course, the master of killing people off in songs is here tonight. That was fun.

During the intermission, Dave Gunning came out and was walking around. JP Cormier stayed backstage, which is fair enough, and while I heard a few people asking where he was, my father commented “That’s what I’d do, if I were him, rather than go out and make small talk with strangers.”  You can see why my father and I get along so well.

I’ve written before on this blog about how I get painfully star struck; the few times I have been in the same room as comedians I like, I have found it overwhelmingly scary to imagine them even briefly perceiving my presence. Last year I managed to push this aside enough to get autographs from both Josie Long and Grace Petrie at their shows, which was cool as fuck, but I did do a lot of panicking and quite literal stuttering at them and basically being an incoherent mess during our brief interactions. I do not do well with meeting famous people.

However, that doesn’t normally apply to the Canadian folk musicians. I think because I’ve been seeing them since I was a kid, so I am used them. My parents taught me the etiquette when I was young for the acceptable way to approach after a show or during intermission: buy something from their merch table – even if you already own all the CDs, buy another copy anyway as a bribe for a moment of their time and then just give it to someone as a gift or something – go over to them with a marker and ask them to sign it, politely tell them you’re a big fan and the show’s great, then run away before there’s any risk of outstaying your welcome. I’ve done it many times, I know the drill.

I think I might also be less intimidated by Canadian musicians than by British comedians because – well, I tend to operate under the assumption that if someone lives all the way in Britain but I’ve still heard of them from Canada, they must be very, very famous. While with Canadian folk musicians, I might slightly under-estimate their fame, because I live in the country where they’re from and I never meet anyone who’s heard of them (besides my parents), so they can’t be too famous to have twenty seconds to talk to me when they’re signing CDs, right? Even though of course that’s a fallacy, because these people are quite famous, just not among people my age.

Anyway, the other night, I looked over the merch table to see what was on offer. There were a bunch of CDs I already owned, and, interestingly, a couple of vinyl records. I don’t have a turntable, but I thought it would be cool to have a Gunning and Cormier vinyl album cover on my bedroom wall. Especially if it’s signed. The price was a bit steep for what I’d be essentially using as a poster, but it wouldn’t consider it too much money for a signed poster.

I bought the album and saw Dave Gunning over by the bar, talking to a woman who’d bought an album just before me and was getting it signed. I went over and stood sort of near them – close enough so I could get in there once she moved along, but I hoped, not so close that I’d seem to be awkwardly putting pressure on the situation.

As I stood there, I started to get very anxious. I’d done this many times before, but not for years (not with Canadian musicians, anyway), and I suddenly started thinking about the massive influence Dave Gunning has had on 20 years of my life and how fucking wild it was that he was just standing right there in person and how I didn’t belong here. It was the first time I’d been in a room with Dave Gunning for about five years, even though I used to see him two or three times a year. My mind started racing, and I worried about taking up too much of his time when I approached him, and then I realized the record had plastic packaging on it, and I didn’t want to make Dave Gunning wait while I took that off.

So I started taking it off while standing by the bar, making sure that when Dave Gunning was free, I could approach him, hand him the album, hand him my dad’s pen, get a signature, mumble the words “big fan”, and get out in under 20 seconds, he’d barely notice me, it would not be a big thing, it would be fine. While I was thinking this, I finally got the plastic off the album, but it turned out I was holding the case upside down, so when the plastic came off, the record fell out and loudly hit the floor.

My efforts to avoid attention had backfired, as a bunch of people in the area turned to look. Including Dave Gunning, as the woman talked to him had just wandered away and he was now free. I immediately started apologizing to the people around me, saying it’s okay, no need for a commotion, the record is fine, I’ll just pick it up. But before I could do that, Dave Gunning came over and picked up my album off the floor. He asked if it was okay, and I said yes yes it’s fine sorry it’s absolutely fine I’m so sorry yes it’s fine. Dave Gunning then walked a few paces away where there was better light, and he held up my record to the light to look for scratches. On one side, and then he turned it over to check the other side. He told me, “If there’s any damage we’ll get you another one.” I just stood there freaking out, not wanting to take up the time of an important person, but also not wanting to tell him: “Look, I basically bought this to use as a poster, I don’t even have a record player, it doesn’t matter whether or not the record itself is scratched.”

Dave Gunning finally pronounced the record unharmed, and handed it back to me. I stammered that the reason I’d unwrapped it in the first place was to ask him to sign it, and then I reached into my pocket and panicked again when I could not immediately find the pen my father had lent me for the occasion. Dave Gunning said not to worry, and then he pulled a sharpie out of his own pocket and signed the cover. Then he put the record back in the cover, handed it back to me, and showed me the correct way to hold it so nothing falls out (it turns out, for anyone who’s unaware, you’re supposed to hold it so the opening is at the top), I thanked him several times and then ran away, and realized afterward that I hadn’t even had the presence of mind to say the words “Big fan” to him.

But he was so nice. He’s so so cool. So cool. And after the concert, I stayed at my parents’ place where I was reminded that they have a turntable, so we played the record for a bit before I left for work the next morning. I ended up leaving the record itself at my parents’ place, so they can play it on their turntable. But I took the cover home.

My mother even found a couple of glass frames that are meant to hold vinyl records. Because she had two of them, she told me I could take my pick from her/my dad’s record collection and have one other record cover to put on the wall next to my new one. I picked out Ian Tyson’s Cowboyography, because it’s an iconic album that pretty much started Canadian country music in its modern form (modern form only, of course, all due respect to Hank Snow). So now I have this on my bedroom wall:

In a larger section of my bedroom wall that contains my Cape Breton Nova Scotia poster (okay, it's a dish towel that I got in my stocking at Christmas one year and decided to put up on my wall like a poster instead of using it as a dish towel), the photograph of Signal Hill in Newfoundland that my dad bought me after a trip there years ago, the old Josie Long poster that I got signed last year by both Josie Long and Grace Petrie, the printout of one of my favourite Bugle quotes, and the Nova Scotia sea glass art that my mother bought me when I graduated university:

Pretty good, I think. Solid use of bedroom wall space.

I miss live music and I'm glad I'm getting more of it back into my life. I'm planning to go back to that venue next month for their Celtic music night. Here are JP Cormier and Dave Gunning playing together at the Celtic Colours Folk Festival in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia in 2018 (I wasn't there that year, but I did get there in 2019 to see JP Cormier play guitar for an entire fucking hour like the coolest person in the world):

And here they are on April 25, 2024 (I only took one quick picture and then put my phone away, I promise):

[starrlikesbooks]

This was super hard, but here are the 20 books I’m looking forward to this most this year!

Check under the cut for more about each one ✌

1. Come Tumbling Down by Seanan McGuire is the latest book in the Wayward Children series- a series of novellas about kids finding doorways to other lands and then being forced back to our world- and it specifically picks up on the thread of the first one and focuses on the characters and context of the second book, which is my favorite so far. I’m so excited to go back to Jack and Jill!

2. The Hand on the Wall by Maureen Johnson is the final book in the Truly, Devious trilogy, a mystery series spanning time periods AND mysteries. Both of the others were compelling, twisting, and left me full of questions and wanting more, so I am both sad to see the series end and about to explode waiting for it to finally be in my hands.

3. Euphoria Kids by Alison Evans is a magical story of identity and queer kid friendship, and I know its going to make me want to cry. It’s been compared to Ghibli, there are witches, it seems very tender and gentle, and I’m already in love with it.

4. The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller is a super morally gray (and worse) story of murder, ambition, and romance. The author pitches this as “a Slytherin romance”, which I take to mean that this is going to be full of powerful characters, tension, and grit.

5. When We Were Magic by Sarah Gailey is a “dark, witchy” comedy about a group of best friends dealing with the consequences of their magic causing the death of a boy on prom night. Magic for Liars was so good, I can’t wait for a magical YA by Gailey.

6. Chosen Ones is Veronica Roth’s first adult novel. I loved Divergent when I was younger, but what makes me really excited was how much I loved the Carve the Mark duology. This book looks like it’ll be just as good as those- maybe better. And it’s a prophecy story 😍

7. The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopolus is pitched as The Raven Cycle meets Simson vs the Homosapien Agenda, which I assume means that it’s TRC except even gayer. Oh, and there’s dark magic involved.

8. The Dark Tide by Alicia Jasinska (ignore the typo in graphic please) is a retelling of a Scottish fairy tale ballad, which involves a girl rescuer falling in love with an evil queen. Literally, I can die now.

9. A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow takes place in a world where sirens exist, but are oppressed. It centers on a black girl in Oregon who’s secretly a siren, watching the world change and true colors come out as a celebrity reveals herself as a siren.

10. Ghost Wood Song by Erica Waters is folky magic centered around a girl and her dead father’s fiddle which can call to ghosts. There’s murder, sapphic characters, and bluegrass. Sign me up!

11. Star Daughter by Shveta Thakrar is an epic fantasy story that’s pitched as Stardust mixed with Hindu mythology. I literally cannot think of anything better than that. Oh, and there’s magic court politics *swoon*

12. As the Shadow Rises by Katy Rose Pool is the next book in the Age of Darkness series. Remember me freaking out will I live-blogged reading There Will Come a Darkness? This is the sequel! And it’s gonna be gayer. (I’m silently weeping thinking of getting to read more about my boy)

13. The Other Side of the Sky by Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner is the first in a duology. Not much is known about this one except it’s SFF, the world is Ghibli inspired, there’s a goddess, and there’s a prophecy. I’ll be honest, I’m on the fence about this one, solely because one of my most hated books is by this writing duo. But I’m allowing myself to hope! Because each of those things sounds really promising.

14. Meteor by Tehlor Kay Mejia & Anna-Marie McLemore is about two best friends (one made of stardust) who enter a pageant and talent show to try to save the other’s family diner and change their destinies. It’s magical realism, and it’s apparently queer!

15. Beyond the Ruby Veil by Mara Fitzgerald is a fantasy quest/coming of age that sounds so good. From the official blurb: “About a queer, self-absorbed socialite, who accidentally kills the one person in her city who can create water–water that’s sourced from the blood of its citizens using a powerful magic–and who must now journey to discover the origins of magic, and take it for herself, before everyone in her city dies of thirst.”

16. We Were Restless Things by Cole Nagamatsu, first of all, has an amazing name, and second of all is made for “fans of Maggie Stiefvater and Neil Gaiman”, so it’s made for me. The plot is about a boy drowning to death in a forest, miles way from any body of water, and his friends, attempting to unravel the mystery of it, stumbling upon the sentience of the forest. I will literally sell all my clothes for this book.

17. Over the Woodward Wall by A. Deborah Baker is actually by Seanan McGuire, and is the story interwoven through Middlegame via fake excerpts. Middlegame was my favorite book of 2019, and I absolutely love the trend of writing the fake books referenced in other books, so I am ABOUT this.

18. Jade Fire Gold by June C. L. Tan is an epic fantasy inspired by Chinese folklore. It’s about a girl trying to save her grandmother from a cult forming a tense alliance with exiled prince. It’s full of family and revenge- oh, and that girl can steal souls. It’s set to be published in the fall.

19. Legendborn by Tracy Deonn is a modern King Arthur retelling mixed with Southern Black Girl Magic. I literally need no other reason to be hyped af about this book. It’s set for a summer release.

20. Smash It! by Francina Simone not only sounds great, but it’s super satisfying to know it’ll exist soon, because I made a joke months ago asking if there were any high school Othello retellings. Here it is, world! I’ll be real, I’m not 100% on the specific plot, but there’s a high school musical, it’s tagged LGBT on goodreads, and, again, it’s a ya high school retelling of Othello. The release is set for the fall.

[nicolewoo]

SCOTTISH KING

Summary: Drew McIntyre has returned to RAW, and it's Y/N's job to make him look great. Now if he can just stop ruining it......

Pairing: Drew Mcintyre x Reader

Warnings: Language, Erection

Working as a seamstress in the WWE was a hectic, sometimes stressful and wonderful job. My boss, Sandra Gray was amazing. She was strict and demanded near perfection, but she also praised more often than she corrected. I understood why. The ring attire HAD to be strong, stretchy, and often sparkly. One costume slip could ruin a wrestler's reputation and would surely get the company in trouble with cable networks. Sandra had earned my respect, as well as the respect of everyone at WWE. The longer I worked for her, the more responsibilities she gave me, and I loved it.

Being on the road is not always fun. It's often lonely and always exhausting. I thrived on the stress though. I always had.

So when Sandra came to me with a pile of black leather, a box of metal and a notebook of sizes and a design for a coat, I was more than happy to take on the challenge.

“Can you handle this for me?” She asked as I reviewed the rough sketches and materials.

I flipped through the book, “Absolutely,” I assured her.

“Normally I would handle this one myself, but I'm just too backed up tonight. Can you get this done by Friday?”

That was going to take up any free time I could carve out for myself, but again.... I'm a glutton for punishment. I thrived on stress, and I thrived on Sandra's praise. “Yeah. I should be able to do that.”

“I know it's a big project. If you need help, grab Henry.” That at least comforted me a bit.

I nodded in agreement and starting planning how to handle the project.

The notebook was labeled Talent: Drew McIntyre. Drew McIntyre? Drew.... yes.... I remember him. I wasn't even working here when he wrestled with the WWE, and my memory was hazy, but I was certain I'd recognize him when I saw him. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and googled the wrestler.

As the images loaded, I realized that yes, I knew Drew. I had liked his wrestling, well..... and those dimples... and eyes.... and chest..... and...... I liked watching him wrestle, but he just disappeared one day, and I hadn't seen nor heard of him since. As I studied the pictures of young Drew from his time in WWE in 2007, I realized I was going to like working on this project for all the wrong reasons. He was a handsome devil. BUT.... But I'm a professional. I can do this.

Putting my phone away, I got to work cutting the leather, matching the metal pieces to the sketch Sandra had done, putting together a floor length black leather coat dotted with spikes and other metal. It really was a HUGE project, but I was up to the task.

I got so wrapped up in the project, I was oblivious to the time. A member of the venue's security knocked on the door and told me they were closing. I wasn't really at a stopping point, but I didn't have a choice. One thing was for certain, I needed to meet with Drew for a couple of measurements. I'd shoot him a text in the morning.

I returned to my hotel room and crashed. I dreamed of a huge giant of a man with a smooth chest and straight long brown hair. I dreamed of hazel eyes and leather and metal spikes. I dreamed of his giant hands around my waist, over my breasts, cupping my ass. I woke suddenly knowing only 1 thing. I had to cum NOW. I had dreamed in so much detail, I was on the verge of a climax. I slid my hand to my clit, and no more than a minute later, I came hard and long.  Hmmmmm that was exactly what I needed. I rolled over and fell back to sleep.

Before even heading to the venue, I shot Drew a text.

“It's Y/N from wardrobe. I need a few measurements. Can you give me a few minutes of your time today?” I put my phone down, but immediately received a reply text.

“Yes. Where are you now?”

“Still at the hotel, but I can be at the venue in a half hour.”

“My day is completely booked up. The only time I have is now. Are you at the Regency?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Let's do this now. What's your room number?” I balked at the idea, but I knew the talent usually had busy days... especially with Drew returning to WWE. I'm sure he had press to do. I sent Drew my room number and pulled out the book with the measurements.

Drew knocked in a few minutes. That was fast. I opened the door to see the new Drew. This was not the gorgeous Scottish prince from 2007. What stood in front of me was a giant hulk of a MAN..... a king...... His black t-shirt barely containing his muscles. His hair seemed darker, curlier, and pulled back at the nape of his neck, and his voice was much deeper than I remembered. “I'm Drew” he said as a warm smile crossed his lips. Oh good golly. Just those 2 words set my whole body on fire. This man was pure sex appeal, and the dimples on his cheeks didn't help. I'm just wound up from the dream last night, I thought. Stay professional. I pleaded with myself.

“I'm Y/N. Sorry to add something to your day.” I said inviting him in. “You got here so fast, I didn't even have time to get my tape measure out.” I chuckled.

“I was stayin' just down the hall.” He admitted. “Where do you want me?” He asked.

In my bed! I thought. That's it... I was busted.... I had to have turned 18 shades of red, but if I did, Drew was nice enough not to let on. “Stand right where you are,” I answered as I fumbled for a pen and the tape measure.

It was then that I realized with anyone else, and anywhere but my hotel room, I would have asked the talent to take their shirt off, but given my mood, I decided to work around Drew's clothes. I got right to work measuring. I jotted down measurements and notes as I went along. Then I decided to have Drew try on the pieces that had already been assembled. He did and grimaced when his arm wouldn't fit in his sleeve.

“Who measured you?” I asked knowing I wasn't going to like the answer.

“I... I don't know. Some lad with red hair.” He grinned at me.

Henry! I thought. Oh good golly. Henry was fantastic at sewing but often measured wrong. Crap! I'm going to have to re-do all the measurements, and Drew is in a hurry. “Ok. I'm going to re-measure you.” I saw Drew sigh in frustration. I laid a hand on his arm reassuringly, and immediately regretted it. It was inappropriate and only fueled my lust. “I promise to be faster and better than Henry.”

He placated me with a nod, but I could tell by his eyes that he was frustrated. I felt the need to reassure him again but realized showing was better than saying. I went right to work. Now if I could only get my stomach to stop churning with every time my skin made contact with his........ Let's get this done right and quickly! I told myself.

It was a mere 5 minutes later when I finished, and I earned a raised eyebrow and a warm smile when I told him. “That was much faster.” He admitted.

“I aim to please.” I joked. “I'll call you probably tomorrow to come try on the assembled jacket.”

“I'll be sure to swing by to see you when I get to the venue.” He said. “Thanks for getting this done so fast, and for letting me come here for it. I know it's not the most professional place.” That smile was slowly melting me.

“No problem. I'll see you tomorrow.” As he left, I breathed a sigh of relief. That was done, and I didn't make a blubbering fool of myself despite the urge that bubbled up inside me.

Once set up in the venue, I quickly went to work. Sandra and I agreed that my time was best spent working on Drew's coat, so only the most pressing interruptions came to me.... A tear in some trunks, a zipper on a shirt... but most of my time was spent working on the coat. I had all of the leather assembled. Now I was just putting on the metal spikes while I waited for Drew to visit wardrobe tomorrow. With any luck, I'd have this project done early, and I'd be able to avoid Drew and those intoxicating looks in the future.

Each spike, chain and grommet I added was one step closer to being done with this.... with him? I knew that wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I needed. I needed to steer clear of this giant made of sex appeal, so I could concentrate on my profession. Relationships weren't in my schedule.

“Do you have time for me?” a soft gravely voice came from behind me. I turned to find that Drew looming over me.

“I.... I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow.” I said. “I thought you were booked up for today.”

“The interview I did was shorter than expected.” Gah... how could this giant sound so soft and gentle? It was unnerving. If only he was rough and tough, I could dismiss him as a jerk, but instead, he practically whispered when he talked, and his head dipped slightly as if he was trying to hide how tall and big he was. He was more of a gentle teddy bear than a man who could force-ably take anything he wanted. As the thought ran through my head, so did my dream from last night. His giant hands, his soft hair, his hazel/gray eyes. I dug my fingernails into my palm to stop my daydream.

I untangled the coat from the sewing machine. “Are you ready to try it on?” I asked holding the jacket up to help him try it on.

Instead of going for the jacket, he stopped to pull off his shirt. I gasped; loud enough for him to hear.

“Sorry. A hiccup.” I tried to cover. He didn't indicate if he knew the truth.

He bowed down a bit to slip one arm in the coat I held up, and a smile crept over his face. As his second arm slipped in, and we both knew it fit perfectly.

“Well done Y/N” Drew said as his hands ran over the jacket as if smoothing down the lapels of a suit. “And your adding metal studs?” he asked.

“Actually, we are doing a combination of different metals.” I reached for the booklet with the sketches and opened it for him to see.

“Did you design this?” His eyebrows lifted as he looked through the book.

His eyes met mine..... the gray, green mixture and his soft words were making me melt. Stay professional Y/N. “No. You can thank Sandra for the design.” I said.

“Oh,” he looked disappointed. He walked over to the full length mirror we'd leaned against the wall and admired the coat. “I was wonderin' if you could design some new trunks for me.” He didn't turn to see me, but I saw that he was looking through the mirror at me.

I tried my best not to blush, but I failed. I quickly turned to my work station and grabbed the notepad to cover. “I can do that.”

“Do you think YOU can measure me this time? It would save time.” He smirked which only made him look even better.

I realized I was holding my breath. I chuckled, “Yes, I can do that too.”

Drew checked his phone quickly, “I've got some press to do now.” He tucked his phone back in his pocket and put his shirt back on. “Can we meet in catering before the show to go over designs?” I thought I saw a bit of a smile on his face, but brushed it off. Most of these male stars knew how to flirt to get what they wanted. I'm sure Drew was no different.

“Name the time.” I said.

We agreed on 5 pm.

“I'll buy you dinner.” He winked at me. Ok, now he was outright flirting with me. Don't fall for it. I told myself.

“Dinner is free, you knucklehead.” I joked back.

“Aye,” He turned to look directly into my eyes, “But that's not my fault.” That smirk again....

It's just innocent flirting. I'm sure he's like this with all the girls.

“True. Ok. 5 pm in catering.”

“See you then.” I expected him to leave, but he looked into my eyes, and the smirk was gone. He looked almost hurt. I masked the quizzical look that almost crossed my face. Whatever game this guy is playing, I've got a job to do. I will remain professional.

I was so engrossed in making his jacket that I was losing track of time again. When the alarm on my phone went off at 4:45, I was jolted back to reality. Shit! Prepare for more flirting. I've got to stop this.

As I made my way to catering, I passed Natalia who had an issue with her new costume. I told her to meet me in an hour and continued on my way. It was a distraction that pulled my mind from what was going to happen in a few minutes. If today was any indication, Drew would flirt with me to get what he wanted. It pissed me off as much as it melted me. Where did he get off playing with my emotions? I was fuming in anger by the time I walked into catering.

Drew spotted me before I spotted him. By the time my eyes reached him, he looked contrite. I went through the dinner line and picked out my dinner before joining him at the table.

“Are you upset?” Drew asked as I sat down.

Cover our emotions. Don't let him know. “Just busy.” I replied. “Nattie just threw another repair on me for tonight.” I explained.

Drew must have realized I wasn't in the mood to play his game tonight. “If you need to handle her repair, this can wait until tomorrow.” He offered as he nodded at my book.

“No!” I blurted out. What the fuck, Y/N? Why didn't I want to get away from him? I'm starting to fall for his flirting. Snap out of it. “No. I can do both.” I assured him calmer this time.

A small smile warmed his face, and I couldn't help but feel more relaxed. I tried to look at my notebook as I opened it, but my eyes stayed on his a moment too long. Those beautiful eyes. Stop it! I screamed to myself.

I took a couple bites of my dinner as I sketched out three pairs of trunks. “What colors were you thinking of for your trunks?” I asked.

“Black.” He said it without any hint of his normal flirtation, but even the sound of his serious voice jolted through me like white hot fire. Shit!

“Just black?” I asked, “because if so, I'm done.” I chuckled nervously.

He chuckled back. “No. No. I want you to add some Celtic crosses.” He reached to his back pocket to grab his phone and quickly opened a few pictures of Celtic crosses.

As we started looking through the crosses, I started to relax. When I relaxed, he did too. I was completely focused now on designing his new trunks. We decided on a couple of different styles. Gold outline with a black Celtic cross, Red cross with gold background, and a Gold cross with a red circle on a red background. Then we discussed the way the cross would be laid out on the trunks and then onto the materials I would use. All of it was simple to me, but he seemed impressed.

“Listen, I know you've got a lot on your plate right now. I don't need these in a hurry.” Drew assured me.

“Well, Nattie's repair and your coat should be done tonight, so I'll have some time. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I should be able to have one pair done by tomorrow.” I assured him. “But I will need to measure you. Will you have time for that before the show?” I asked.

“If not, I'll come by during the show. I'm not on until later.”

And with that we were done. No matter how much I enjoyed his company, I still had work to do. “I'll catch you later then.” I said as I grabbed my tray and headed back to wardrobe.

I spent the next couple of hours doing repairs and working on Drew's coat. I was excited that I was getting closed to finishing.

“Are you ready for me?” I knew it was Drew. How a man his size could sneak up on me not once, but TWICE in the same day was a mystery.

“Actually, you've got perfect timing.” I turned around to see him bringing his coat with me. “I'm onto the very last details. Can you try this on for me again?” I asked and Drew smiled softly.

“Your wish is my command.” He flirted, and it worked. Every muscle in my groin twitched as he spoke and smiled at me.

Cover your emotions. I told myself. “Ok. Ok. Casanova.” I brushed off his flirtation. “I've got a job to do.” I said seriously, but I couldn't hide the tiny hint of a smile that played at the corners of my mouth. He looked so pleased to see it. “Try it on.” I told him.

He did, and we found that the coat was just a bit longer than he wanted. That was an easy fix.

“Let's get you measured.” I said professionally. “Are you wearing underwear?” I asked seriously.

He didn't answer right away, but lowered his head a bit and quirked an eyebrow up. “Excuse me?”

“Cut it out, Drew.” I said crossing my arms across my chest to show him I meant business. “I need to measure you, and I can't do it over your jeans. Surely, you've had to do this for other costume crews.”

A look of realization came over his face. “Oh, Yeah. Yeah. I'm wearing underwear.” Did he just blush?

He looked directly into my eyes as he reached to the button of his jeans, I couldn't help realizing just how perfectly they fit him. Dear golly! I wish all men wore their jeans like him. Stop it! I turned to get my tape measure and my notepad to avoid watching the extremely sexy man stripping.

Stay professional. Do your job. You've seen men in their underwear before. This is no different than any other fitting. Focus on your job.

When I turned back around, Drew was standing in just his t-shirt and his boxer briefs. The sight was enough to get me wet, but I focused on my work. I tried to pay attention to anything other than his body. This was quite possibly the most awkward I'd ever felt in my life, even though I'd measured plenty of men for trunks and pants.

It was just as I was measuring his inseam that my hand brushed against his balls and I dropped the measuring tape. FUCK! He pulled away from me slightly. There was no doubt that his penis hardened a bit at the touch. “I'm so sorry.” I apologized not even looking up at him and went back to my work.... trying not to think about the growing appendage in front of me.

It was then that he tentatively said, “Would now be a bad time to ask you out?”

I barely had time to even register the question when I heard “YES!” from across the room. It was Sandra, and she headed our way. “Highly inappropriate, and if you say anything else, I'll call HR.” She tapped my shoulder. “Take a break Y/N.”

I was relieved and confused. Did he just ask me out? Right after I brushed against his balls? I knew it was a terrible thing for him to do, but there was a part of me that wanted to say yes. I admit that this particular part was focused on his growing dick, but that doesn't make his question right. “Why don't you go take a walk?” She asked me. “Come back when you're ready.” I nodded in agreement, not sure what to say, and as I walked out, I heard Sandra start railing on Drew, “What the fuck were you thinking? This poor girl is just trying to do her job, and you come in here...” As the door shut, I couldn't hear her anymore.

Once I was in the hallway, I didn't know what to do. I stood there dumbfounded for a minute. Baily was the one who found me there.

“Hey girl, are you ok?” she asked.

It shook me out of my fog. “Yeah, Yeah... Sorry. I zoned out.” I said to her. I tried thinking on my feet, “I was just headed to the restroom.” I answered and headed there.

I entered a stall and latched the door behind me. I just stood there, trying to catch my breath. Did Drew McIntyre just ask me out? I admit there was a connection between us, but to ask me out THEN? RIGHT THEN? What the fuck was that? Why would he do that? What could he gain from asking me out then. Was he joking? Was he serious?

These questions and more swam through my head all night. I dreamed of a Scottish king who took what he wanted. I dreamed of him in a kilt with a broadsword swinging at invisible enemies. I dreamed of his breath on my neck, his hands in my hair, his body against mine. I dreamed of lustful looks and stolen kisses, of all encompassing passion. I dreamed of him making love to me.

I woke covered in sweat and out of breath. Again, I needed to cum. Fuck! I laid in bed, knowing what I wanted, what I needed. I closed my eyes as I slid my hand down and made myself cum to memories of my dreams. Good Grief! I hope I didn't run into Drew today. I needed to get him out of my head.

I arrived at the arena a few hours early. I was headed to wardrobe when I spotted Drew talking to Aleister Black in the hallway. He looked positively flustered when he spotted me. He put both his hands up as if surrendering and slowly walked up to me.

“I'm so sorry.” He hung his head. “I don't know what I was thinking.” He continued.

I wrapped my arms over my chest and huffed. “I know what I said was inappropriate. Well, the timing was. Can you forgive me?” he looked at me with big puppy dog eyes.

“Drew,” I started but I couldn't think of what to say. There was an awkward pause.

I could tell the silence was upsetting him. “Let's just...... Let's forget it.” I said. I didn't mean to, but my tone sounded angry.

He raised his head a bit in relief. “I......” He stopped, unsure how to continue.  “Can I just explain?”

The hanging of his head, the fidgeting as he talked, the fact that he obviously didn't know what to do with his hands.... in fact his normally controlled body language was replaced with uncertainty. He was vulnerable, and that struck me as pitiful.  “Yes.” I said after a deep breath.

He started to look around, “Can we go somewhere away from others?”

I motioned to the end of the hall. It wasn't private, but it was far enough away that nobody would hear us. I noticed Alistair watching us from where he stood in the hall, and I took comfort in knowing someone was there if this all went south.

Drew cleared his throat and fidgeted again, “I know what I said... well, when I said it was all wrong. The truth is, I was very uncomfortable. When you accidentally brushed against me, my body....” he searched for the right word. “Responded.” He looked down at me shyly. “I wasn't exactly in a position to hide it from you.” He outright blushed. “I...” He huffed out a breath. “From the minute I saw you, I was attracted to you. When you brushed against me, and my body.... responded, I just got all awkward, and I said the first thing that came to mind.” He looked down at the floor. “It was completely wrong of me, and I do offer you my sincerest apology.”

If strong, stoic Drew was attractive, vulnerable, sweet Drew was downright irresistible. “So, what are we going to do about this?” I asked.

Drew was quick to answer, “Sandra is going to handle the jacket and my trunks from now on.” He said, and I detected a hint of sadness in his voice. He looked down at the floor.

“Like hell she will!” I said, and he immediately looked up at me in surprise. “That coat is going to be my masterpiece!” A slight smile curved one side of his mouth as a look of hope started to dawn in his eyes. “I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone else get credit for your coat. I meant what are we going to do about the fact that we are attracted to each other?”

He was dumbfounded. His eyes looked scared and hopeful. “Do you..... Umm.... Will you.... Do you want to go out with me?” he asked.

I kept my arms folded in front of me, “I'm interested in having a couple of more conversations with you.” I said brusquely, “If you think you can keep yourself from being an ass.” I let the corner of my mouth curve into a smirk.

It was then that he hit me with a full, panty dropping, smile. “I can try my best, lass, but you get me flustered.” He answered.

“Try your best?” I raised my eyebrows questioningly then broke into a laugh.

He raised a hand in a pledge, “I'll try my best.” He waited a second before asking, “Can I buy you dinner in catering tonight?”

“It's not buying dinner if the food is free,” I teased.

He laughed heartily and the low grumble of it vibrated through my core. “5 o'clock?” He dipped his head in a nod.

“Sounds great.” I agreed. There was a momentary awkwardness as we tried to figure out how to end this talk.

“I'll see you at 5, princess.” He said gently, and I swear everything in me melted at the pet name.

As soon as I walked into wardrobe, Sandra descended on me like a vulture. “Drew is going to give you an official apology tonight. I'll be sure to be right by you for it.” She assured me.

“He already did.” I smiled.

She looked upset, “He did? He was supposed to come in here to apologize in front of me.”

“He ran into me on the way here. It's all worked out, but you're sweet to care so much.” I smiled.

“You're my best seamstress, and I won't have the talent treating you like a piece of meat. You deserve to be treated right!” Said like a true mama bear.

“Sandra, it's ok,” I chuckled. “I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself.” I smoothed my hand down her arm to assure her. “The fact that you came to my aid yesterday means the world to me. Thank you.” I said.

“Ok, ok.” She surrendered. “Did he do a good apology?” She questioned as she looked through a box of zippers.

I couldn't hide my smile. “Very good.”

The tone of my voice got her attention, “What did he say?” She prodded.

“That he was sorry. That it was an awkward moment and he said the first thing he could think of.” I thought about telling her that I'd brushed against him and he'd gotten hard, but decided mama bear would be furious if she knew that. “I'm positive he learned his lesson.” I assured her.

“Good.” She huffed and walked away.

I didn't lose track of time today. In fact, I checked the clock every 10 or 15 minutes until dinner time.

Drew was already seated when I got there, and I was 5 minutes early. I went through the dinner line and sat down across from Drew.

“I've got good news,” I chirped out in a sing song fashion.

His raised eyebrow asked before his words. “Yes?”

“Your coat is done!” I said triumphantly.

He chuckled at my tone, “Is it now? Pretty proud of yourself, aren't ya?”

“Well, after our conversation yesterday, I made some changes to Sandra's design to better reflect you.”

Now both of his eyebrows raised up, “Did ya now?”

I raised my chin strongly, “I think you're going to love it.” I said confidently.

“Well, lets swing by wardrobe after dinner and see.” He teased. “I'm sure I'm going to love it,” he said more seriously.

We sat and ate and ignored the looks on other's faces as we dined. We talked about our childhoods and jobs that led us to the WWE, and before I knew it, dinner time was done and we headed to wardrobe.

As we walked in together, I noticed Sandra saw us. She took a protective mama bear stance, and turned the sewing form so she could keep her eyes on us as she worked.

I handed the leather coat to Drew, and he gratefully accepted. “Let's see what you've been up to.” He joked. He stood in front of the full length mirror and began to unfold the coat. He glimpsed it before even putting his jacket on. His fingers ran over the embroidery. I had placed a small silver Celtic knots on both lapels of the coat. “They're beautiful.” He said in awe. “You did this today?” He asked as he put the coat on.

As we looked at how the coat fit him, he ran his hands over the knots again. “I love it,” He smiled.

I let a hint of mischievousness cross my face, “Wait. There's more.” I walked over to my work station and dug through the projects I was working on. I came back with the first pair of trunks for Drew. “These are meant to go specifically with the coat.” I handed them to him.

He gently unfolded the trunks and a giant smile erupted on his face as he saw the Celtic crosses on the sides and the giant Celtic knot I'd embroidered on the back. He looked almost stunned, “You did this?” I smiled, and I nodded which made him smile more. “That was so sweet.”

“Try them on,” I pointed to the makeshift changing area. He happily obliged.

When he walked out, everyone in wardrobe stopped. The trunks, the coat, the giant hulk of a man.... There was a confidence about him that was lacking in his street clothes. This time I didn't cover my gasp.... neither did Henry. (I heard him from across the room. )

“Take your hair down,” I heard Sandra say as she handed him a water bottle. He let down his hair, opened the bottle and poured a bit over his hair. Not as much as he normally would if he was going in the ring, but enough to get the full effect. He strode over to the mirror confidently and a rough, gravely growl emerged from him when he saw his reflection. He stood taller. He walked like a warrior. His muscles bulged.

“It's perfect!” Henry chimed from across the room.

Sandra placed her hand on my shoulder as she looked at my work. “It is,” she agreed. “You outdid yourself, Y/N.” She patted me gently.

“It is.” Drew gruffed out. The compliment sounded odd coming from the Celtic Warrior who stood in front of me.

I beamed with pride as Sandra began inspecting my work and found it to be flawless. “But don't ever alter my designs without my permission again.” Her voice took on a more professional tone.

I giggled and agreed. Everyone got back to work, leaving me in front of the mirror with Drew. He seemed like a whole other man in his full gear, which, I guess, was the best compliment. He was giant, daunting and incredibly sexy.

In the mirror, his eyes shifted to me. “Thank you!” I blushed at his words. We stood there a moment longer, looking at each other. Suddenly, his arms shifted and he pulled the coat closed in front of him. Just before it closed, I looked down to his trunks and figured out why. That made me blush even more.

“Why don't you change back into your street clothes?” I offered, pretending I hadn't seen his erection.

“Oh no!” He smirked. “I'm wearing this tonight unless you have to work on them more.”

I wasn't prepared for that, but he did have a match soon, so it made sense. I shook my head no.  “I am going to go get ready then.” He said. “Are you going with us to Cincinnati tonight?” he asked.

“Yes.” I answered, getting excited at what he'd say next.

“Can we have breakfast tomorrow?” He tilted his head slightly to the side; causing him to look more like the sweet man I met yesterday than the Celtic Warrior he looked like in his gear.

“Mmmhmm” I nodded yes.

“I'll call you around 9 am then.” He said gently and grabbed my hand. He slowly brought my hand to his lips and brushed his lips across my knuckles gently. “Tonight's win is for you.” He said, and he walked out.

As I sat back down to my sewing machine, I noticed the impressed look on Henry's face and the curious look on Sandra's face.

#drew mcintyre #wwe #wwe smut #drew mcintyre x reader #wwe fic #fic

[daring-elm]

Enchanted - Chapter VI

Masterpost | Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Genre: Mostly angst

Characters: Roman, one named and multiple unnamed OCs

Ships: Mentioned Romantic Logince

Words: 1325

Warnings: Mentioned adultery; death; murder/assassination; alcohol; mentioned abuse

Thank you to @patchworkofstars for beta-ing this chapter (and all previous ones)! I'm so glad to work with such an amazing and talented writer!

Taglist: @creativity-killed-thekitten @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @mintylikesrainbows @nottodaylogic @sandersfanders @sanders-sides-stuff @pattons-cat-hoodie @pumpkinminette @fluctuating-fangirl @an-absolute-failure

If you like this story, please reblog the masterpost (linked to at the top)! I'd appreciate it if you helped spread my work!

...

Roman danced through the palace halls, twirling around misplaced chandeliers and halting inches before running into random guests (most of whom were less than enthusiastic about having the crown prince a hand's length away from their faces, but also too low-ranking to protest it). He peeked into random rooms, hoping to find Logan in one of them.

Throughout thirty-seven rooms and four hallways, his most entertaining find had been the duke of some colony entangled with a woman who (and he didn't need Virgil to tell him this) definitely was not his wife. But this wasn't the first time Roman had witnessed adultery during longer visits, and it certainly wasn't the most interesting affair so far.

Logan had said he was meeting up with one of Father's advisors, correct? So he had to be in one of the studies. (Roman only stopped for a split second to think it may be unwise to interrupt such a meeting- he was far too enthusiastic about the good news to care, though.) Roman stuck his head through another door and immediately stopped in his tracks.

"...unsuited for the crown," said an all too familiar voice. King Roman IV leaned back in his chair, tossing a small glass ball between his hands. "If I simply disown him, the public may be displeased. There's a Scottish duke I could set up as the next in line- he's not as uncivilized as the other bastard Scotsmen. He could be wed to Elisabeth in that case. I'd only have to dispose of Roman first…" With those words, the king stared straight at the door Roman was hiding behind.

Roman turned away with a jolt. Pearls of sweat gathered on his ashen face while his pulse raced along with his thoughts.

Father was planning to kill him. He would be disposed of and Elisabeth- no, Virgil- would be married to some duke who would become the king in his place and Roman would be murdered-

Roman couldn't breathe. The air he inhaled barely touched his lungs, each breath shallow and short-lived. What should he do? Who could he tell? What if- what if that with Logan wasn't real, but a scheme to accuse him of sodomy and have him hanged? He couldn't tell- he couldn't trust anyone. He couldn't tell anyone what he overheard.

He was all alone again, with a terrible secret no one could know.

No. He wouldn't do this again- it didn't matter who found out that he knew, he'd be dead either way. Better have one or two people he could pretend to trust with him.

But was that worth it?

It had to be. If he tried to hide from Father's plans for whatever was left of his life, he would spend those… days, weeks, months, years (who knew?) miserable, probably locked up somewhere by himself, without Logan or Virgil or even someone to get him a proper drink.

Speaking of, he could use some brandy.

So that would be step one; he had to get to the kitchen and get… not piss-drunk, but at least tipsy enough to deal with this. Step two would be finding the best way to stay alive.

"Of course not, your Majesty," said a voice next to the door, making Roman jump. Quick, he had to run before he was discovered- there. Just as the door opened and a man Roman vaguely recognised to be one of Father's ministers stepped through it, he slid around the corner, dashing up the staircase leading to the west wing three steps at a time.

Arrived at the top, Roman was breathing heavily, his hands propped up on his knees (he really needed to be more active- this was getting embarrassing). Now what?

He could go back to trying to find Logan, but who knew if that would help or not. Who knew what Logan's real intentions were?

No. No, he couldn't afford to mistrust the two people who were (most likely) on his side; it would only make matters worse. He had to stay calm- if Father suspected something, it would only make the process quicker.

Roman slumped to the floor, the despair suddenly making it rather difficult to stay upright. He hid his face in his sleeves.

He didn't want to die. Not now, when he finally found someone like him, someone worth living for. It wasn't fair.

How could Father hate him this much? Granted, he wasn't the most obedient son- he had messed up enough that he could understand the occasional beating (those he did deserve- most things that went wrong here were his fault, after all, since the very beginning). But he was almost sure he didn't deserve being assassinated. That was taking it one or two or ten steps too far.

But maybe he would stop if Roman ran away. If he left- with or without Logan, taking just enough from the palace to have a comfortable life- maybe it would turn out alright. Virgil would have to marry that duke- but he would still be in a powerful position, at least sort of. Right?

Did Mother have any responsibilities aside from organising parties? Roman had to think for a moment, but even after that moment had passed, his list of responsibilities, duties and influences was as short as before. Well, at least women were more studied in literature and such. They got a better education (if you didn’t count the hunting, politics and fighting lessons Roman had to endure)- but that education ended when they were married off.

It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair- yes, he was a horrible heir, but that didn’t mean he deserved to die for it.

(Though in the back of his head, the tiniest seed of doubt had begun to settle: What if he did deserve this? It couldn’t be any more obvious that Father hadn’t wanted children- the only reason Roman even existed was to secure the fate of the kingdom. But he couldn’t even do that right. In fact, he did it badly enough that Father was planning his assassination, rather than just letting him try. In all the years he should’ve been preparing to become his Royal Majesty, Roman the Fifth, he hadn’t once gotten an order to command, an event to plan, an advisor. The most important thing he had ever been in charge of was a hunting trip, and even that was rather mediocre in the turnout. He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen this coming. Father seemed to have given up on him years ago.)

Roman shook his head in an attempt to clear it of the thoughts swirling through his mind. He had to do something, go somewhere, talk to someone before his thoughts could eat him alive and he could die sooner than he was already going to.

Logan. He had been looking for Logan before- he was comforting enough, and he deserved to know about the new situation (the tiny voice in Roman’s head insisted that he already knew, that he was a part of all this. Roman ignored it). If he could just find Logan, it could all be alright.

It would be alright.

Roman stood up. He had to hold onto the wall for a heartbeat (a regular one- not his own, which was still drumming rapidly in his head, making him feel like he had just run a mile) to not immediately topple over again; his knees were far too shaky to hold him upright without some assistance. He took a deep breath, then a step forward. Then another one. If he could just make it to Logan’s room (East wing, Chrysanthemum), the duke would turn up soon enough.

With every slow, unsteady step, Roman repeated a single thought to himself, first in his head, then under his breath, no more than a tiny mutter: It would be alright. It would be alright. It would be alright.

It would be alright.

Eventually.

[theacerbicprince]

Answering Harry Potter Tag Questions

So my darling @xweofmanyfaces answered this in video form but I don’t do videos because I don’t know how to edit and stuff. Really, all I can do is type and prance so I’m going to type out my answers to these questions. It may be long, I apologise in advance. If there are any other questions you’d like to ask me that I haven’t answered then let me know. 

What house are you in?

I am a Gryffindor which surprised me initially but if I think about it makes a lot of sense because I am very loyal to the people I care about and I don’t think I’m brave but I know people who would disagree with me just based on the challenges in my life. 

What is your Patronus?

My patronus is a white stallion according to pottermore. I read up on what it meant on the lexicon and it was amazing how similar it was to me. 

What is your wand?

My wand, as on pottermore, is Pear wood with phoenix tail feather, 13 and 3 quarter inches, slightly yielding flexibility. According to pottermore, there has never been a recorded instance of a pear wood in possession of a dark witch or wizard. 

Favorite book?

I liked the Deathly Hallows because it gave us so much and it wasn’t as badly paced as some of the other books were and it moved me emotionally, very much so and it revealed so much of my darling boy. 

Least favorite book?

Probably the Chamber of Secrets if I’m honest. 

Favorite movie?

From an aesthetic point of view, the Half Blood Prince. Overall favourite movie in terms of soundtrack is the Deathly Hallows Part 2 but overall, tying everything together would probably have to go to Order of the Phoenix. I live for Imelda Staunton in that movie and ugh, just that bit where Alan manages to inject that much snark and sass and condescension into the one word ‘obviously’. 

Least favorite movie?

Goblet of Fire, I think a lot of people might agree with me on that one, it’s not universally that well received. 

Is there a movie you preferred over the book?

The Chamber of Secrets movie is better than the book for me. I actually feel very emotional about the ending of that movie probably because of Chris Columbus to be honest and some of the shots are amazing and the music too, John Williams excellent. 

Favorite quote?

I love this so, so fucking much. 

“It is good to see that six years of magical education haven’t been wasted on you Potter; ghosts are transparent.” 

Favorite character?

Severus without a shadow of a doubt. He’s my boy even when he’s being a total jackass and he just brings so much joy to me because he makes me laugh so much. 

Least favorite character?

Ron. I hate getting on the ship in that sense but yeah, I don’t like Ron as a character although a lot of that comes from the fact that I just don’t see him ending up with someone like Hermione. This does not mean I don’t want to write with Ron because Molly loves all of her children regardless of their flaws but I don’t personally like him. I like him even less in the movies because they took away some of his kinder, more human moments and he was like 95% jackass. 

Favorite professor?

Minerva is an absolute boss, always, that never changes. She teaches the kids so much and she’s so supportive but at the same time she doesn’t take any shit. I will always have to defer to my home boy though because he’s an amazing teacher even though he is a giant asshole about it. He is multi talented because he can teach more than the one subject and he can teach them well. He fully understands his subjects and he takes them both so seriously, more seriously than his other professors I would say. He doesn’t express it the right way but he cares a lot about the welfare of the students. There’s a reason he loses his shit when Neville fucks up so badly at Potions that Severus is practically apoplectic, because the boy is dangerous and he doesn’t want to be responsible for a death or severe disfigurement. 

Favorite villan?

Bellatrix Lestrange. She’s a great villain in that she is so unstable and you don’t know what she’s going to be doing next really. She is the sort of villain where you are constantly on edge around her and we actually get to see her in action properly and we get a full, real sense of why she’s so terrifying. A lot of that was missing as far as it went for Voldemort because we didn’t get to see much of him or how he earned his reputation. 

Favorite weasley?

Molly, she is my girl but she is also super strong, super loving and she has dealt with so much in her life and so deals with it all with barely any complaint. She is so giving to everyone, she takes everyone in and is so welcoming and approachable and it’s not something that she thinks about doing, it’s just natural to her. 

Favorite marauder?

Remus because he isn’t a giant douche. Remus is also the one that seems more understandable to me. I think we’ve all been there at one point or another where we have seen an injustice and we have to decide what we are going to about it. He didn’t actually want to kill anyone, he didn’t take a savage delight or really any delight in what was going on and he’s apologetic about it. He doesn’t come up with excuses for his actions or lack of actions, he accepts the responsibility of what he’s done. 

Are there any characters you felt differently about in the movies versus the books?

Gilderoy Lockhart and that is just because Kenneth Branagh is just amazing, he is a stunning actor and I admire him greatly as a professional and he made Lockhart far more likeable.I actually enjoyed watching him in the movie whereas I hated reading him in the books. 

Which character do you think you’d have the closest relationship with?

Probably Molly if I’m being honest, we are quite similar in some senses. Severus would struggle to tolerate me but I think he still would put up with me. 

Which class would be your favorite?

I am a huge history fan so yeah, History of Magic would probably be quite high up on my list. I think I’d like DADA too, combat you know. 

What would your boggart be?

My daughter (from my dreams) desperately wanting my attention because she needs me but I’m too out of it to be able to help her, my darling Penny with my health conditions. Oddly specific I know but it is a massive fear. 

What position would you play in Quiddich?

Seeker probably, I have good eyesight and good hearing too. 

Would you be a pure-blood, half-blood or muggle born?

I would be half blood, just makes sense for me. My mother is Scottish and my father is English so it makes sense that I’d be half and half magically. 

What job would you want to have after leaving Hogwarts?

It really depends on what my specialisation would be to be honest. I might teach for a while, I really enjoyed being a tutor (which was my job up until September last year). 

Which of the Deathly Hallows would you choose?

The invisibility cloak. I don’t need great power in my life and my loved ones would drive me insane because I would want to see them so often, to touch them and I couldn’t. The invisibility cloak is remarkably useful. 

Which spell would be the most useful to learn?

A healing spell of some sort, always useful. 

Do you have any unpopular opinions about the series?

MY HOME BOY IS A GOOD MAN! It is not creepy that he was in love with Lily for that whole length of time. Stop having a go at my man, he’s not a creeper. 

Either or/if, would you rather:

Wash Snape’s hair, or listen to Lockhart ranting about himself for a day?

Do you even have to ask that question? I would massage that scalp aaaall day.   

Duel an elated Bellatrix, or an angry Molly?

Angry Molly would be terrifying but an elated Bellatrix is guaranteed to torture me to the point that I am desperately crying out to die. 

Travel to Hogwarts via Hogwarts Express, or a flying car?

Hogwarts Express, you can get up and walk around the train, stretch the legs which is good for me because of my nerve damage and pains in my hips etc. 

Kiss Voldemort or give Umbridge a bubble bath?

Kiss Voldemort, I do not want to see Umbridge naked. 

Ride a Hippogriff or ride a Firebolt?

Probably the Hippogriff, I think it’d be far more comfortable and I could actually talk to the Hipprogriff and not feel like a lunatic. Who talks to their broomstick eh?

Hallows Or Horcruxes?

The horcruxes are a fascinating and interesting concept especially when you look into the whole process and splitting the soul. Is the soul split every time that you kill? 

If you could own one of the three Hallows, which one would it be and why?

Invisibility cloak, this was addressed earlier. 

If you could bring one character back to life, who would it be?

This motherfucking question right here. I’ve been thinking about this question for hours, honest to Lords hours. You’d think I would want to bring Severus back to life but there is one person in particular who comes to mind because it’s just so tragic and I would want to change it so badly and that is Tonks. I want Teddy to grow up with his mother and Andromeda to not have to deal with the loss of her daughter as well as her husband. 

[lisinfleur]

5Crowns Weekend: Ivar - MASTERLIST

Let us speak a little about Ivar, the Boneless. The real one, who inspired the character we all love in the series Vikings.

The real Ivar is, among the supposed sons of the legendary Ragnar Lothbrok, the one with the bigger variety of sources of information about his tales; which makes really hard to elaborate an introduction about him due to the number of disconnections in between the sources of his actual history.

Many sources agree he was actually the first of the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok and his wife Aslaug - and not the younger one, as Hirst's work portrays at the series! Nevertheless, the curse that supposedly caused his condition was reproduced at the series in a situation pretty close to what would have been the real one: Ragnar was out to raid and Aslaug told him they should wait for three nights before consummating their marriage after his return following the long separation period. Ragnar ignored her prophecy and as a result, Ivar would have been born "without bones".

The condition that supposedly gave him the name "Boneless" is also controversial: some historians believe he was a flexible man; some relate his "bonelessness" would be assigned to sexual impotence; some say the name came due to the incapability of walking. But the most shared theory is that Ivar The Boneless was the carrier of a disease that gained a large divulgation after the presence of the character on the Vikings series: The Osteogenesis Imperfecta - a disease that affects the connective tissue due to lack of type I collagen, causing the bones to be week and easily breakable.

The Boneless could have easily inspired "The Many Faces God" from Game of Thrones for his name, Ivar, can also be spelled as Ivarr, Inguar or Inwaer; and through the sources of his history and registers of his existence, he was also known as Ivar inn Beinlausi (from the Old Norse); Hyngwar (in the Old English); Ivar Ragnarsson (since he’s described at the Ragnarssona þáttr – The Tales of the Ragnar’s Sons); Ivar The Ruthless (due to a possible mistake at the translation of his name from the Old Scandinavian – the words for Boneless and Ruthless are quite similar according to some historians); and some historians make the association in between him and the Scottish and Irish leader Ímar (Old Norse: Ívarr) who was also a Viking King and founder of the Ui Ímair or Dinasty of Ivar “which ruled much of the Irish Sea region, the Kingdom of Dublin, the western coast of Scotland, including the Hebrides and some part of Northern England, from the mid-9th century” (source: Ui Ímair - Wikipedia).

Uh! The boy has some names, uh? hahaha

Unlike the historical Ivar, there aren't many names in between the actors who played the Viking ruler at the series: Ivar was played by an unknown baby actor at the end of season 2 and through season 3, being passed to the talented hands of James Quinn Markey who played the young Ivar at season 4A until the episode 10 (The Last Ship) when a transition of time occurs and the character is delivered to our beloved Alex Høgh Andersen (Thanks to @ivarsrideordie for the tips! Love ya!).

Despite the juicy acting of James Quinn Markey who impressed by the incredible expressivity and description of Ivar's hard behavior, Alex H. Andersen has been giving us a literal show of acting, showing with precision the routine, mishaps and hard life of a person who carries the OI from the point of view of a complete actor who more than just dressing the character's skin, studied the condition deeply and made huge efforts to bring this reality into Ivar's daily life in details.

From dragging himself for more than a week, screaming in Old Norse into the hotel bedroom; to exploring the leader's dilemma between being loved or feared, described by Niccolò Machiavelli in his book "The Prince" - a book Alex show to have studied for the last season of Vikings - the young actor and amateur photographer conquered the fandom's heart becoming one of the most loved actors of the series' cast and turning his character into the most loved son of Ragnar Lothbrok - especially among the female public hahaha

Sister wives welcome to the new 5Crowns Weekend! 

Let us toast and celebrate in honor of Ivar, The Boneless!

All hail our new King!

5CW IVAR - MASTERLIST

LONG FICS

Curse – Chapter 08: Back to the Start

DOUBLE SHOTS

Winds of Change (requested by anon and @paper-goonie)

Part I

Part II

SHOTS AND DRABBLES

Knock-Kneed Fool’s Treasure (requested by anon)

Lover (requested by @ivarswickedqueen)

Sin (requested by anon)

Sweet Little Thing (requested by anon)

Beyond Time (requested by anon)

Do I have to say the words? (requested by @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla)

Like Me (requested by anon)

Refuge (requested by @cris101071)

The Snake in your Skull (requested by @ortali)

HEADCANONS

Falling for a dedicated woman of the gods (requested by anon)

Imagine being Ivarsdóttir (requested by anon)

Adopting an unexpected animal baby (requested by anon)

Breeding kink (requested by anon)

Being your first (requested by anon)

In love with Sigurd’s girl (requested by anon)

Touch starved (requested by anon)

Becoming a father too soon (requested by anon)

MOODBOARDS

Faces

Be Ruthless

AHA - Modern Ivar

If you want to be a part of our Guests' Section just drop your work using the tags:

5CW 

5CWIvar

and send me your link!

@ivarsrideordie​

His Prey - amazing shot for Alex from our beloved sweet queen!

It’s good to be home (intro) - to make all of us in-fucking-sane!

Angry is always better - uuuuh! What to say? She’s right!

This love is not for sale - one more from our beautiful queen!

@queen-see-ya-in-valhalla

Stormy cuddles with Ivar - Mood board and text from my sweet sis!

Tagged ones: 

@bluearchersstuff  - @ivarswickedqueen - @directionlessbuthappy - @akamaiden - @bang-kim-bap - @cris101071 - @solveigs-temple - @volvas-temple - @alicedopey - @athroatfullofglass - @captstefanbrandt - @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla - @ivarlcthbrok - @dreamingsofatraveler - @heartbeats-wildly - @lol-haha-joke - @mixedwiththemoon - @moondustmemories - @moose-squirrel-asstiel - @ms-allenbrown - @mslothbrok - @normatural - @readsalot73- @xinyourdreamsx - @shutter-bug124 - @rekdreams247 - @sassygirl25 - @slutforasoldier - @bae-kage - @naaladareia - @awishmyheartmakes - @laketaj24 - @that-goodgirl - @scumyeol - @neeadinghugs - @witchesandfairytales - @thevikingsheaux - @titty-teetee - @oddsnendsfanfics- @soapjay - @two-unbeatable-beaters - @mystruggledlife - @wish-i-was-a-mermaid - @therealcalicali - @natalie-rdr - @carbonated-beverage - @igetcarriedawaywithyou - @grungyblonde - @come-with-me-and-imagine - @themusingofagothicsoul - @arses21434 - @honestsycrets - @princessofthalia- @funmadnessandbadassvikings - @equalstrashflavoredtrash - @rabeccablake - @beyond-the-ashes - @darkkitty - @2thequietone4 - @blackspiritshake - @vikingsbifrost - @wallabieswisher

[skippyv20]

Very Cool!  Thank you!😁❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

     Mysterious Jade relics

For over 100,000 years, people have been obsessed with jade. Its color, luster, and durability make it ideal for tools, talismans, jewelry, and royal artifacts. Ancient Europeans and Asians believed that jade had healing abilities—even offering the possibility of eternal life.

While green is its most common hue, jade can be any color. In 1863, scientists discovered that jade refers to two silicate metamorphic stones: nephrite, ideal for sculpting, and jadeite, which can be stronger than steel. The Maya and the Chinese prized jade over any other material—even gold.

Record-breaking red jade imperial seal

In December 2016, an 18th-century Chinese imperial seal sold at auction for 21 million euros. Dated from the Qianlong period between 1736 and 1795, this symbol of imperial authority is carved from red and beige nephrite. After a bidding war, an unnamed Chinese collector snatched it up. The seal sold for 20 times its estimated value, shattering the previous record of 12.4 million euros paid for a jade stamp in 2011.

The seal once belonged to Emperor Qianlong. Pieces from the period are considered a high point of Chinese art. The jade, described as “almost blood red,” is extremely rare. Nine dragons on the stamp represent masculine energy and power. An inscription reads: “Treasure of the imperial brush of Qianlong.” Known as a talented poet and calligrapher, the emperor used the seal to sign his works. During his reign, the empire doubled in size and the population rose to 400 million.

Scottish jade axes

In 2016, the National Museum of Scotland opened an exhibit featuring ancient jade axes. Dated to 4000 BC, the blades were over 100 years old when they arrived in Scotland. Experts have traced their origin to the Italian Alps. The manufacturing centers were located near the high mountains, and the jade was sourced from an elevation over 1,980 meters (6,500 ft). Archaeologists have located one of these jade quarries in Monte Viso, Italy, which dates back to 5200 BC.

A Greenlaw axehead

Jade axe, Canterbury, Kent, England, Neolithic, about 4,000-2,000 BC

Over 1,600 jade axeheads have been recovered across Europe. Their ritual and spiritual significance remains unknown. Neolithic inhabitants of Northern Italy viewed the Alps as the home of the gods. It is likely they believed that rocks quarried from these sacred sites had the power to heal and protect. The axes may have been designed for rituals or sacrifice. The color may have had special significance, as copies were often made using locally available green stones.

Jade burial suits

In 1968 archeologists discovered jade burial suits in the tomb of Prince Liu Sheng and his bride, Princess Duo Wan. Each head-to-toe outfit is composed of over 2,000 pieces of jade. The prince’s suit was sewn with gold thread. The princess’ suit used silver. These suits were rumored to exist since the fourth century AD. However, none had been confirmed until the tomb was excavated. So far, only 15 have been discovered.

The Han Dynasty royal tombs brought amazing jade shrouds to the world and they changed perceptions of burial practices. A tomb dated to the Spring and Autumn period (771 - 476 BC) consisted of the burial of dukes from the Jun state in Quwo who were covered with jade suits. Later, researchers found one of the most expensive jade suits in history. In 1983, in Dingxian, Hebei, researchers discovered a suit that belonged to Prince Huai, made of 1203 pieces of jade and 2580 grams of golden thread. The most sophisticated suit consisted of 2498 pieces of jade.

Jade shroud for Liu Xiu, King of Zhongshan in the National Museum of China, Beijing

The structure of the jade suits is a unique composition with pieces of stone. The stones had been cut in square and rectangular shapes. Some of the suits also had trapezoid, rhomboid, and triangular shapes, but they were not as common as the first two. The unique technology of joining the stones by wire allowed the creation of larger shapes with groups of jade stones.

Close-up of a jade burial suit with replaced copper wire in the George Walter Vincent Smith Art Museum. 

Experts believe that a master jadesmith took a decade to produce one suit. In AD 223, Emperor Wen of Wei banned the production of jade suits. He feared that they were irresistible to looters. Ancient Chinese believed that jade had extraordinary powers to both prevent decay and protect against malignant spirits. The prince and princess may have attained their goal of immortality. Jade is porous and may still contain their genetic material, which seeped in over two millennia.

Mayan shark-toothed sun god

In the jungles of northern Guatemala, archaeologists uncovered a mysterious jade mask at the Rio Azul Mayan site. The mask represents Kinich Ahau, the Sun god. He is depicted with one large shark tooth, which sheds light on Mayan spirituality, bogeymen, and hunting practice. Shark teeth are common finds at Mayan sites. They were used for everyday functions like weaponry, jewelry, and bloodletting tools.

Coastal Maya were known to hunt sharks. They likely spread knowledge of the “sea monsters” and their teeth far inland. The tales were probably exaggerated as they were passed from trader to trader on their journeys from the coast. Like the Sun god’s mask, sharks in Mayan art are often portrayed with one large tooth. Archaeologists have uncovered Megalodon teeth at Mayan sites. It is possible that these remnants of gigantic prehistoric predators may have fueled the Mayan reverence for sharks.

Enigmatic Emirau island jade

Archaeologists discovered an enigmatic jade tool on Emirau Island off Papua New Guinea. Dated back 3,300 years, it was likely carved by the Lapita people. According to researchers, this ancient population spread from the western Pacific and are the ancestors of modern-day Polynesians. Jade tools are not uncommon in the region. However, this recent discovery is composed of a rare material, which archaeologists believe traveled with the Lapita from their homeland.

The tool is jadeite, the hardest variety of jade. No examples of this tough rock have come from New Guinea. The only known contemporary sources, Japan and Korea, produce stone with a different composition. The closest chemical match came from jade in Baja California. Transoceanic travel is unlikely. An unpublished German manuscript from 1903 chronicling jade in Indonesia—less than 1,000 kilometers (600 mi) from the Emirau discovery—has led some to believe in an Indonesian origin. More tests are needed

Jade funeral discs

Since 5000 BC, large jade discs have been placed on the bodies of deceased Chinese elites. Their function remains a mystery. Also known as bi discs, these nephrite carvings first appeared during the late Neolithic. The stones were frequently placed on the deceased’s chest or stomach. Many contain symbols related to the sky. Nearly all high-status tombs of the Hongshan culture (3800 BC to 2700 BC) and Liangzhu culture (3000 BC to 2000 BC) contain these discs.

Some have suggested that the Jade Discs are related to the mysterious  story of the Dropa stones , also disc-shaped stones, which supposedly date back 12,000 years and were said to have been found in a cave in the mountains of Baian Kara-Ula on the border between China and Tibet.

                           Neolithic Carving on a Bi-Disk

                   Neolithic Carving on a Bi-Disk

Given the lack of metal tools during the period, the stones were painstaking carved through brazing and polishing. The effort invested in their creation and their location in burials suggests deep spiritual significance. Some suggest that they are connected with specific gods. Others believe that they represent a wheel or the Sun, which symbolizes the cyclical nature of existence. The jade discs predate writing, and their function may never be completely understood.

Underwater offering

In 2012, archaeologists recovered a mysterious jade object from Arroyo Pesquero in Mexico. Dated between 900 BC and 400 BC, the artifact may have been a sacrificial offering. It is carved from mottled brown and white jadeite, which is harder than steel. The 8.7-centimeter (3.4 in) by 2.5-centimeter (1 in) object was recovered 3 meters (10 ft) below the surface of a deep stream. The image is abstract, although most experts believe it is a corncob.

The find dates back to the Olmec occupation of Veracruz. Their ancient city of La Venta, which housed up to 10,000 people and contained a 34-meter (112 ft) pyramid, was located a mere 16 kilometers (10 mi) from Arroyo Pesquero.

Over the last 50 years, thousands of artifacts have been recovered from Arroyo Pesquero, leading experts to believe that it must have been a site for ritual offerings. The location is where freshwater and saltwater meet and likely had deep spiritual significance.

Heirloom seal of the realm

The Heirloom Seal of the Realm is one of the most mysterious Chinese artifacts. According to legend, the jade was carved in 221 BC for Qin Shi Huang. In 221 BC, he united the six Warring States under the Qin dynasty. He ordered an imperial seal to be carved from the most fantastic piece of jade ever discovered. The seal passed from ruler to ruler as a symbol of imperial authority until it vanished around AD 900. The artifact was carved from the He Shi Bi jade, for which a man allegedly lost his legs. Some believe that it was actually stolen from the Zhao state. The seal was an embodiment of the mandate of Heaven, and possession was enough to consider a regime “historically legitimate.”

This story is probably a blend of truth and legend. The fate that befell the He Shi Bi next is slightly more rooted in fact. In 283 BC, the precious jade was stolen from the King of Chu and sold to the State of Zhao. Then, the King of Qin offered Zhao 15 cities for the He Shi Bi.

Initially, the King of Zhao agreed, but later he began to think the King of Qin was deceiving him (which he probably was). Zhao thus had his jeweler say that there was a small flaw in the He Shi Bi. The representative of Qin said that he could not see any flaw. Quickly, the jeweler grabbed the jade and “threatened to break the jade, and the king’s bones, if [King Qin] tried to take the stone by force. [King Qin] was unwilling to allow the He Shi Bi to be destroyed due to his selfishness, and he decreed that it be returned to [Zhao].” 

A jade imperial seal from the Qing dynasty.  

The Qin dynasty would have its revenge for the humiliation they suffered. In 221 BC, the new King of Qin, Qin Shi Huang, conquered the six Warring States, including Zhao. Victorious, Qin ordered the He Shi Bi to be carved with his symbol - so the most fantastic piece of jade would forever serve as the Qin imperial seal. Legend has it that the jade was inscribed with the words “Having received the mandate from heaven, may the Emperor lead a long and prosperous life”

Empress Ci'anduanyu’s grey jade seal.

Why the seal disappeared remains a mystery. Some theorize that later emperors were obsessed with hoarding seals to reduce the significance of the Heirloom Seal.

Lord Pakal’s funeral mask

In 1952, while excavating the funerary crypt of the Temple of the Inscriptions at Palenque, archaeologists unearthed the mosaic burial mask of Lord Pakal the Great. Dated to the Mayan Late Classic period around AD 683, the mask is composed of a mosaic of 300 tiles of jadeite, albite, kosmochlor, and veined quartz. The eyes are made of conch shell and obsidian. A wooden backing originally held the pieces together, and the mask was attached to the deceased king’s face with a layer of stucco.

Ruins of Palenque, Mexico.

Archaeologist Arnoldo Gonzalez who headed up the excavation told reporters that the mask “is not a representation of a god. After looking at some images, it’s possible that it is Pakal the Great.” Gonzalez speculated that the king and his consorts had forged close religious connections with water and he told reporters that "During this process, under the (mask) head there were figurines, ceramic pieces, small plates, a lot of fish bones, which gives insight of a possible relationship with aquatics.”

On examination the mask has been identified as likely a representation of Pakal the Great.

Left, Recently found mask

On Christmas Eve 1984, Pakal’s mask was stolen along with other treasures from Mexico City’s Museo Nacional de Anthropologia. A pair of vet school dropouts conducted the heist by entering the museum via air ducts. In 1989, a drug trafficker turned stool pigeon and brought down the art thieves. They had tried to exchange the artifacts for cocaine. Pakal’s mask and the other artifacts were returned in good condition.

Liangzhu’s mysterious cong

The Neolithic Liangzhu culture contained master jade craftsmen who lived along the Yangtze River Delta in modern-day Zhejiang province. Over the years, 50 sites attributed to the Liangzhu have been excavated. Tombs of their elites invariably contain elegantly crafted cong. These are square tubes of jade containing a circular hole. There are single-section varieties and longer ones. Often, the square corners are covered with face-like designs, believed to be protective spirits.

A very rare jade cong, Late Liangzhu culture, circa 3000-2500 BC; 2 ½ in. (6.5 cm.) 

Speculation about the cong’s function can be traced to the Qing dynasty. Their ubiquity in elite burials offers tantalizing suggestions. They were likely symbols of power. Jade continued to be buried with the dead until well into the Han dynasty (206 BC to AD 220). Some suggest that the objects provided a road map for the dead on their journey into the next life. Ors propose that there was a belief that jade may have prevented the decomposition of flesh.

[bee-kathony]

ONCE UPON A TIME | CINDERELLA AU | THE BALL

Inspired by the beautiful moodboard created by the talented @balfeheughlywed

Chapter 1: First Impressions | Chapter 2: Preparations | Chapter 3: Lavender’s Blue | Chapter 4: The Ball

“Claire blushed and felt her palms grow slick but regained her composure, remembering where she was and took a deep curtsy. She straightened, walking gently down the stairs. She could hear the crowd whisper as she came closer to joining them. And then she saw him. Him!“

Claire raced home, eager to tell her Step-father and siblings about the upcoming ball. She hadn’t heard any news of it before Jamie had told her just now. There would be a lot of preparation before the ball in just two weeks.

Walking into the lounge she grimaced, Laoghaire was playing the piano or what you could call attempting to play.

“Did you hear about the ball?” She spoke to the room and all eyes snapped their attention to her.

“Ball?!” “What ball?!” Laoghaire and Alex both said at the same time, abandoning their tasks and coming to jump excitedly in front of Claire.

“The King is throwing a ball at the palace!” She smiled, for once she felt a shared happiness with her new family. “And everyone in the Kingdom is invited!” She added, squealing internally alongside Laoghaire and Alex.

Jonathan stood from the couch, abandoning a book, “Everyone?” He asked, interest sparked across his face.

“Yes! Everyone and it’s in two weeks.” Claire twisted her fingers together, desperate to find a dress suitable enough to wear.

Laoghaire gasped, “Two weeks? Da, that’s barely enough time to have a dress made!”

She watched as Jonathan stepped closer to Laoghaire, placing a gentle hand on her arm, at least he could show a semblance of love to his own children, “You’re right,” he turned to Claire, “Cinderella, go into town and ask the seamstress to make two beautiful gowns!”

Claire couldn’t believe what she was hearing, he wanted two gowns? Obviously Alex wasn’t going to be wearing a gown, that could only mean the other was intended for her.

“Two? That’s - that’s so kind of you to think of me.” She smiled.

Jonathan scoffed, “I wasn’t. Laoghaire must have two dresses made so she can pick from them.” He placed his hand on his hip, “What? Did you think the other was for you? Don’t be foolish Cinderella.”

Claire’s heart crushed inwards, silly of her to get her hopes up.

“Oh. No, I didn’t think that at all.” She lied, controlling her features to shield them from the humiliation they had caused her.

Alex touched her on the shoulder, “Don’t forget to ask the seamstress to make me a new suit Cinderella, I’ll not be caught dead in a kilt.”

“Laoghaire, you must look your best if you’re to have a chance with the Prince, you must find him and dance with him, don’t let anyone get in your way!” Jonathan commanded Laoghaire.

Claire sighed and turned to leave the room, leaving the squealing Randalls behind.

Two weeks came and went, Claire now stood beside Laoghaire’s bed, helping her into the rather large hoop skirt. She tied it around her small waist and finished throwing layer after layer over the hoop. Claire had to try very hard to hold back her comments as she looked at Laoghaire twirling around and around the room. The dress she had chosen of the two was a green and blue, the skirts absolutely massive and the whole thing was covered head to toe in sparkles and beads.

Not in her taste.

But that didn’t matter. Once Claire arrived at the ball she would find Jamie and spend the evening with him, she looked forward to seeing him again in only a few hours.

If her stepfather would not have a dress made for her, it seemed to Claire that there was no reason why she would not try to sew it up herself.

Claire had found the remnants of an old dress that was her Mother’s stowed away in a chest in the attic, her bedroom now. She had been working on stitching it up and fitting it to her size late at night and early in the mornings.

Looking in the mirror, she was quite pleased with the work she had done and smoothed her hair one last time before joining the others downstairs.

She descended from the stairs wearing a pink chiffon dress with capped sleeves. Jonathan, Laoghaire and Alex all turned to look at her, looks of disgust written plain on their face. “It cost you nothing, it belonged to my Mother and I took it up myself.”

“Oh la la, Cinderella at the ball! No one wants a servant for a Bride” Laoghaire chimed. Alex scoffed, straightening his cravat around his neck.

Claire stood on the last step, “I don’t want to ruin anything, I don’t even want to meet the Prince!”

Jonathan was in full uniform, knee high boots and fitted with sword at the waist. “Oh and you won’t, there’s no question if you’re going. You shall stay here… where you belong.”

Her heart beat faster, “But all of the maidens of the Kingdom are invited, by order of the King.”

“It’s the King I’m thinking of, it would be an insult to take you to the palace… dressed in these old rags you call a dress.”

“Rags? This was my Mother’s, it’s lovely.” Claire flattened the fabric between her fingers.

“Sorry to have to tell you but your Mother’s taste was questionable, this old thing is so old that its practically falling to pieces.” Jonathan walked in front of her and Claire had no notion of what he would do next. He touched the sleeve of her dress, pulling on the fabric and ripping it at the seams.

Laoghaire and Alex laughed, joining in and pulling on bits of the dress until it was in shreds.

“How could you?” Claire cried, silent tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I will not have anyone associate my children with the likes of you, a servant girl. You shall not go to the ball, mark me.” Jonathan placed his hand on the hilt of his sword and turned abruptly, leaving the room. Laoghaire and Alex cackled as they walked past her, leaving her standing there alone.

Claire watched from the front steps as they piled into the carriage and left for the ball. She had only wished to see Jamie again and now that chance was gone.

Claire ran out of the door and through to the garden, stopping at the well, her knees hit the ground with a soft thud. “I can’t do this!” She cried, “I don’t have courage anymore.” She wept, her dreams crushed in an instant.

Moments later she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

Looking up through her watery eyes, she saw the feet of someone standing beside her. Claire peered up to see who the feet belonged to.

A woman in a ragged old cloak with fiery red hair and from what she could tell, the most gorgeous green eyes, looked down at her.

“Deary, can you help me lass?” She spoke in a strong Scottish accent. “Would ye mind fetchin’ me a cup of milk? My carriage crashed down the road and yer’s is the first house I’ve seen.”

“Of course, yes, of course.” Claire stood from the well, wiping her face quickly and going to the side of the house where she knew there was a pale of fresh milk.

“Why are you cryin’?” The woman followed her around the side.

“It’s nothing.” Claire sniffed, pouring the glass and handing it to the woman.

“Nothing? What is a cup of milk? But kindness makes it everything.” This woman looked so strange, yet so familiar, Claire thought. She took the milk and drank it quickly, some of it spilling down her chin.

Claire gazed at the woman, what was this night turning into?

“Now… I don’t mean to hurry you, but you really haven’t got long Claire.” The woman said and Claire’s eyes grew wide as she spoke her name.

“What? How do you know me? Who are you?” Claire walked over to the woman to get a better look at her face.

“Who am I? I shoulda think ye’d work that one out Claire?” The woman said with a mischievous glint in her green eyes. “I’m your Fairy Godmother! Although some just think of me as a witch.” She laughed. “Ye may call me Geillis if ye like.”

Claire gaped Geillis, “You can’t be. They don’t exist, they’re just made up stories for children.”

“Fiddle faddle.” Geillis set the cup aside and and walked into the middle of the garden. “First thing’s first. Let me slip into something more comfortable.”

Claire took several steps back as Geillis produced what could only be described as a magic wand from her sleeve. She tossed it into the air and sparks flew from the tip and when Claire looked back down at Geillis she was now dressed in a very ornate and lavish silver dress.

“Mmm that’s better. Now where was I? Let’s see. What we need is somethin’ that says ‘Coach’.”

She must be dreaming, Claire thought. What a wonderful dream it was. She tossed aside the notion that none of this was real and went along with it, following her ‘Fairy Godmother’ around the garden.

“Oh that cart?” Claire pointed to a broken wheelbarrow.

“I’m thinkin’ fruit and veg… do you grow watermelon?”

“Um no. But we do grow pumpkins.”

“Oh that’ll do just fine.” Claire led them to the patch of pumpkins and Geilis picked up the biggest one she could wrap her arms around. “Lovely, oooh heavy pumpkin!” And dropped it on the ground at their feet. “Oh well let’s do it here.”

“Do what here?” Claire looked up from the pumpkin to Geillis.

“Turn the pumpkin into the carriage of course!” Of course.

Geillis flicked her wrist and more sparks shot out of the wand and aimed at the pumpkin. “Somethin’ is definitely happenin’.” To Claire’s amazement, something was happening.

“Oh take cover!” Geillis shouted and they both ran behind a stone fence. The pumpkin was growing! Claire couldn’t look away as suddenly the pumpkin burst and transformed into a beautiful golden carriage, adorned with leaves and vines.

“One carriage.” Geillis smiled, approving of her creation.

“You really are my Fairy Godmother.” This was beginning to feel like it wasn’t a dream.

“Yes Claire, I don’t just go along transforming pumpkins for just anybody. Now, where are those mice?” Geillis pointed her wand at the mice scurrying along the ground and again Claire stood amazed as the mice were changed into white horses.

Claire laughed and walked over to pet one of the horses, “Angus how fine you look.”

“Ah what next? Carriage…horses…footmen… I think I saw some wee lizards around here.” Geillis continued to transform the lizards into footmen and then their goose into a coachmen. Everything was set.

“Everyone into place! Come on.” Claire ran after Geillis and the others to the carriage now set on the path to go to the palace.

Just before she reached the carriage however Claire stopped, “Fairy Godmother…Geillis. This dress, I can’t go in this dress. Can you mend it?”

Geillis clicked her tongue and looked up and down at Claire’s dress. “I’ll make you something new!”

“Oh please don’t, this was my Mother’s and I want to wear it when I go to the ball, like she’s there with me.”

“Hmmm, well she wouldn’t mind if I cheer it up a bit aye? Perhaps a nice blue?”

Claire nodded and watched the sparks fly out of Geillis’ wand and towards her. She looked down as the fabric literally changed from pink to blue, the skirt lengthening and filling out. The dress was covered in sparkles that glittered in the light, the detail was exquisite and it was definitely the most wonderful thing Claire had ever worn.

“It’s beautiful! She’d love it.” Claire beamed from ear to ear.

“Off we go, quick! You’ll be late. In we go!” Claire picked up her skirts and began to step into the carriage.

“Wait! Lass, ye canna go in those shoes, those the best ye have?”

Claire looked down at her faded blue slippers that she wore everyday, “No one will see them.”

Geilis widened her eyes, “I’ll be quick, take them off.” Just like everything before, her slippers were transformed into delicate looking glass slippers, adorned with butterflies on the toes.

“But they’re made of glass?” Claire squinted at the shoes before her.

“Yes. And you’ll find they’re really comfortable.” Claire smiled and stepped into the shoes, completing the look. “My stepfather and my siblings?” She asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they don’t recognise you.” She helped Claire into the carriage and shut the door, making sure the material of her dress was all stuffed inside.

“Oh Claire, I almost forgot. The magic will only last so long. With the last echo of the last bell at the last stroke of midnight, the spell will be broken and all will return to what it was before.”

“Midnight? That’s more than enough time.” Claire couldn’t believe it, she would get to see Jamie after all.

“Good. Off you go!” Geillis leaned to kiss her cheek before quickly taking a few steps back as the carriage launched forward.

“Thank you!” Claire shouted back to her Fairy Godmother. She wondered if she would ever see that woman again.

The ride to the palace was quick but Claire took in every moment. She didn’t know what to focus her eyes on, the way the moonlight shone off the carriage, the way her dress sparkled with every small movement or the fact that she currently was being taken to the ball being led by animals!

Fairytales were just that to Claire. Tales of make believe and magic. But looking around at all the splendour, suddenly Claire believed in a bit of magic or maybe it was indeed witchcraft.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.” Claire muttered under her breath as they rolled up the front of the palace towering high on the hill, hundreds of steps led up to the entrance.

“Why thank you Mr. Lizard,” She smiled, taking the hand of the footman and stepping out onto the cobbled road.

“Midnight,” she repeated to herself and gathered her full skirts in her hands, taking the first step to what awaited her inside the palace.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jamie bowed yet again as another name was announced. He hadn’t seen her come in and he knew he wouldn’t miss her. Jamie darted his eyes through the crowd once more, looking for that Sassenach.

“Jamie, lad, stop turnin’ yer neck so or ye’ll get a crick in it.” Murtagh laughed, patting him on the back. “She’ll show up. If ye asked her to come, she’ll come.”

“Do you think Father will approve? What am I saying, of course he won’t, she’s no’ a Princess!” Jamie threw his hands in the air, momentarily taking a step back from the balcony.

“I just don’t see why I canna marry someone like her…”

Murtagh made a hmmph sound in his throat, “Someone like her or do ye mean her?”

Jamie quirked one side of his mouth up, “Her,” he touched the collar of his jacket, it fit so snuggly, he almost couldn’t breath. “I dinna even know her name, well I know she called herself ‘Beauchamp’ but I dinna think that’s her name.” He chuckled, remembering finding her that day in the woods, fallen off her horse.

“Johnathan Wolverton Randall, Captain of His Majesty’s Eighth Dragoons,” said the announcer by the doors, calling out the names of the guests as they entered.

“Wolverton eh, sounds like a sap.” Murtagh elbowed Jamie in the ribs.

“Laoghaire and Alexander Randall,” the announcer shouted loudly. Jamie watched as the two people, one a young girl and the other a young man, he assumed were siblings, walk down the stairs.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Jamie laughed, Laoghaire had tripped on the train of her dress and fallen several steps down, she had reached her hand up to her brother and had inadvertently pulled him down with her.

“Christ, the wee fools.” Murtagh laughed alongside him, Jamie always felt better with Murtagh around to make a joke of things.

“Jamie,” he turned to greet his Da, “Has this mystery girl arrived yet?” Brian said as he sat down in his chair, overlooking the crowd.

He set his hand on his Da’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “Nah, she hasna come yet.”

“Dinna fash son. When she gets here I’m sure she’ll be bonny.” Jamie smiled, was his Da actually coming around to the idea of this Sassenach woman?

Another thirty minutes passed by with no sign of her and Jamie was growing restless.

“It’s time lad. Ye must go down and choose who to dance wi’ first.” Brian motioned for Jamie to join the crowd of people on the ballroom floor.

As Jamie walked down the stairs, he scanned the crowd once more. He dropped his head, all eyes on him, eager to see who he would choose first.

Just when Jamie took a step forward though, the door opened.

_______________________________________________________________________

Claire raced up the steps, careful not to trip on her dress, she was surprised at how easy it was to actually walk in the glass slippers.

As she finally reached the top step, she paused, “Breathe Beauchamp, just breathe,” and walked the few steps to the ballroom doors. The guards opened them for her, she put one foot in front of the other and walked in.

She stood at the top of the stairs, all eyes turned up to look at who this beautiful creature was.

Claire blushed and felt her palms grow slick but regained her composure, remembering where she was and took a deep curtsy. She straightened, walking gently down the stairs. She could hear the crowd whisper as she came closer to joining them. And then she saw him. Him!

Jamie parted the crowd, now standing before her. He bowed, his hand over his heart, “Your servant ma’am,” and then extended his hand to her.

“Would you have the first dance wi’ me?” He asked, his heart soaring.

“Yes. I will,” Claire smiled and took his offered hand in her trembling one.

As they walked forward to the middle of the room, the crowd made a circle around them.

“Hello, Jamie.” Claire said as he placed his other hand around her waist, pulling him as close as her dress would allow.

“Hello, Princess.” Jamie smiled and began to lead them in a dance. The music started and they spun and swayed. All eyes were on them but their eyes were only on each other.

Claire could hear Jamie humming along to the song which made her relax. Jamie then grabbed her waist with both hands and lifted her high into the air above him, eliciting ‘aahs’ and ‘oohs’ from the crowd. She felt so light, so free when she was in his arms.

“I was worried ye wouldna show.” Jamie admitted as he pulled her back close to him, spinning them around the outside of the circle.

Claire gave his back a gentle squeeze, “I almost didn’t make it. But I’m here now.”

Soon the dance ended and Jamie released her and bowed. The rest of the crowd rushed in and everyone took a partner as the music began again, this time a much more upbeat tune.

Jamie was supposed to dance with more ladies, take turns with everyone there but he couldn’t bear to not be near her. He didn’t ask for the second dance but grasped her hand in his once more.

Claire spotted them across the room just then, her Stepfather and siblings. She laughed when she noticed that Laoghaire was dancing with Alex, it seems she couldn’t dance with anyone else but her own brother!

“What is it Sassenach?” Jamie asked, a smile creeping on his own face.

“Oh just someone getting something they deserve.” Jamie followed her gaze over to where she was looking and saw the two people that had fallen down the stairs.

“Och, I saw them fall down the stairs earlier, come to think of it, so did everyone else.” He loved to see her smile.

Jamie had led them to the back of the crowd, “Come wi’ me.” Hand in hers, he walked quickly through the back door of the ballroom, away from the crowd, away from the noise. He just wanted to be with her.

The first room they came to was a room filled with portraits.

“So you’re the Prince.” Claire didn’t ask him, only said it as a statement.

“No’ the Prince. I’m only a Prince.” He laughed, wanting to reach out and take her hand in his again.

“But your names not really Jamie?” Claire crossed the room, taking in every portrait.

“Oh it certainly is, well, it’s James but everyone calls me Jamie.”

“But you’re no apprentice.” She spun to face him, this time she was the one who reached for his hand.

“I’m an apprentice monarch… still learnin’ my trade.” He squeezed her hand in his and then looked shyly down at his feet, “Forgive me. I thought ye might treat me differently if ye knew. I mistook ye for a good honest country girl. Now I see you dinna want to overrule a plain solider.”

“Little chance of that.” Claire said and he met her gaze.

“No more surprises?” He asked. It seems she was a Princess after all, her dress and presence simply oozed with the air of a Princess.

“No more surprises.” Claire shook her head quickly and then turned them to face the largest portrait hanging on the wall. “Is that you Jamie?”

“Aye, I hate myself in portraits, don’t you?”

“No ones ever painted my portrait,” Claire said and she felt Jamie’s eyes on her then.

“No? Well they should.” Claire blushed and bit her lip as he pulled on her arm, leading them out another door.

“Won’t they miss you at the ball?” Claire turned to see if anyone was in fact following them but didn’t see anyone.

“Maybe, but let’s no’ go back just yet.” Jamie gripped her hand tightly as he led them outside.

“Why don’t you want to go back? What’s wrong?” Claire sensed that there was something more that Jamie wasn’t telling her.

“Och, when I go back, they’ll try to pair me off with a lass of their choosin’. Ye see, I’m expected to marry for advantage.”

“Oh, well who’s advantage?” Claire asked.

“That… is a good question.” Jamie sighed next to her.

“Surely you have a right to your own heart Jamie.” As she said this, Claire reached out and placed her hand over his heart.

Jamie was sure she could feel just how fast his heart was beating just then.

“I must weigh that against the King’s wishes, he’s a wise ruler and a loving Da.” Jamie pulled her hand to his mouth and placed a delicate kiss against her knuckles.

“Perhaps he’ll change his mind.” Claire said hopefully.

“I fear he doesna have much time to do so.” His eyes watered thinking of his Da’s latest diagnosis.

“Oh Jamie,” Claire pulled him into her arms, hugging him with all the strength she could muster.

“Thank ye Sassenach.” He kissed her forehead and they both blushed. Jamie didn’t even expect himself to do that.

“Follow me, I want to show ye somethin’” He grinned and then walked through a wall of vines. He held them aside for Claire as she entered.

They stood in a garden, surrounded by thousands of flowers and other plants, Claire could even hear the sound of a small waterfall somewhere nearby.

“Oh it’s beautiful!” She exclaimed.

“It was my Ma’s garden. I’ve never shown this to anyone before.” Jamie smiled sheepishly at her.

Claire spotted a giant swing hanging from a large tree just across the garden and then looked over at Jamie and smiled, raising her eyebrows in question.

“Aye.” Jamie answered her unspoken question and led them to the swing. “Sit and I’ll push ye Sassenach.”

Claire was careful not to trip over the many layers of her gown as she sat down. She felt her heart in her stomach as Jamie’s strong hands came to her waist.

He pushed against her gently and she began swinging back and forth. The night was lit with stars adding the magic of the evening.

A few more pushes from Jamie and Claire was soaring even higher. “Oh!” She gasped as she felt her slipper slide off her foot and fall to the ground below.

Jamie reached for the swing and slowed her down to a stop. “I’ll help ye Sassenach.” He urged her not to move as he came to kneel before her. Claire held out her foot for him as he picked up the glass shoe.

“Is this glass?” He eyed the shoe with a worried expression, “How do ye walk?”

“Carefully.” Claire joked and he slid the shoe on with ease.

Jamie stood and pulled her to her feet then, his arms finding their place at the small of her back. “Sassenach, I’m so glad ye came tonight. Yer all I can think about, all I dream about.”

“Oh Jamie, I have thought of nothing else but you. With everything that has happened to me in these last few months…you… have always been the constant.” Claire’s heart raced and pounded in her ears.

He leaned closer to her and she thought just then her heart was going to burst.

“I very much want to kiss ye?” He asked, “May I?”

And then her heart did burst, “Yes, you may.”

Jamie bent his head, closing the space left between them and gently pressed his lips against hers.

This was her first kiss. And it was with a Prince. It was with Jamie.

Claire wrapped her arms around his neck, desperate for him to come closer and he did. The kiss was slow, their lips moving in time with one another, anticipating the other’s desire and every move.

If Claire didn’t believe in fairytales before then she did now. Standing here under the stars in a garden filled with beautiful flowers, kissing a handsome man that comforted her and eased her soul.

Claire never wanted the kiss to stop but pulled back from Jamie as she heard the sound of clock. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! I almost forgot. It’s midnight.”

“Yes, it is.” Jamie said, curious of her to note the time.

“I’m so sorry, I had a lovely time but I must leave.” Claire squeezed his hands one last time and looked up at the clock, sure enough it was midnight and she needed to leave before she was transformed back to the plain girl she was before.

“But - but Sassenach! Where ye goin’?” Jamie shouted, stunned at her abrupt departure.

“I’m sorry!” Claire shouted back at him, already racing out of the garden. She found her way out of gates and to the front stairs where she spotted her carriage waiting for her.

“Oh Christ!” She said and began the long journey down the stairs. As she made it almost to the bottom of the steps she heard Jamie shouting after her, “Sassenach, wait!”

“Oh Jamie, I’m sorry.” She whispered to herself and dared a glance back at him.

When she turned back her foot caught on the step and her shoe slipped off. Claire bent to pick it up but noticed the footsteps sounded closer, Jamie was coming after her. She abandoned the glass slipper on the step and raced to the carriage, making it in the nick of time.

“Go!” She shouted and off she went, leaving the Prince, Jamie standing at the bottom of the steps, clutching her glass slipper in his hands.

[skiptomy]

[Seeker] An even longer boi. I can’t imagine what this will look like when I have all eight teams designed. Guys I really really hope I get the grant to create this comic. Even if I don’t, I’ll probably go to gofundme or kickstarter or something. I’m in love with all these character and the story I want to create with them. 

Putting the same info under this one incase some people haven’t seen the first post:

Across the multiverse there are people who for whatever reason, only exist in one reality. Root is an agency that collects these singularities, granting them the power and immortality needed to stop inter-dimensional ‘leaks’. These leaks, beings of untethered and unexplainable energy that take the form of gruesome monsters, are causing all of reality to split and fold in on itself. When something makes its way into a place it doesn’t belong, Root is there to quiet, contain, and resolve the problem before the world it inhabits is destroyed.

Root has teams of four singularities, each granted a specific set of powers. A Seeker, a Warp, a Stitch, and a Guardian.

Seekers can see through all of the multiverse, finding pathways between worlds. They can find anything, so long as they have a good enough description of what they are looking for. Once given an alert from the main hub, Seekers can pinpoint the leaks, and lead their team to them efficiently. In the field they provide a form of clairvoyance to support the team.

Warps open up those paths, and take people and things through them. In the field they use a shorter form of teleportation as needed.

Stitches use probability and potential energy to create necessary objects and heal teammates.

Guardians are physically stronger and capable of manipulating light into force, shaping it in to weapons that can connect with leaks more effectively than common forms of attack. Most have a very strong protective drive, preferring defense to offense.

Once a Guardian subdues a leak, Stitches create a pocket dimension to hold them in with the help of the Seeker, who in turn leads the Warp to the path that will get them back home.

Now lets learn a little bit about everyone, Left to Right, down the line:

Name: Eddalyn (Eddie) Francoeur Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: French Canadian Type: Seeker Personality: Very softspoken and sweet, interested in studying the differences in worlds as much as saving them. Loves making drinks for people, especially nice warm ones like tea, hot chocolate, and coffee.

Name: Torunn Vinter Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them Ethnicity: Norse Type: Guardian Personality: Constantly on the go, looking for trouble and if she can’t find it, she’ll make it. She has a compulsive need to be the best, but won’t push anyone down to be that. She likes the competition, it keeps her on her toes. She studies very hard, looking into multiple fighting styles and tests her team often to make sure they wont ever get hurt in the field.

Name: Siobán O’Donnell Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Irish Type: Warp Personality: Lively and bright. She loves to plan parties and will often throw little get togethers for all the teams. Every one of them is themed, and every one of them is p e r f e c t.

Name: Hope Benjawan Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Thai/American Type: Stitch Personality: An optimistic nihilist. She finds beauty in everything, but especially the present. Nothing has any grand meaning, so the only meaning is what you give it. She also loves music, and is extremely talented with almost any instrument she picks up, but prefers the electric bass.

Name: Antonio Bellini Pronouns: He/Him Ethnicity: Italian Type: Stitch Personality: Kind of snooty, very prideful. Extreeeeemeeely competitive, thinks team 3 is better than any other team. Will never admit being wrong.

Name: Ysabel Ramos Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Mexican Type: Seeker Personality: Bold but calculating. Tactical genius. Pretty much just an all around genius. Enabler to Antonio’s competitiveness, but knows when to reign him in.

Name: Newton (Newt) Labelle Pronouns: He/Him Ethnicity: European/Latinx mix, non-specific Type: Guardian Personality: Extremely shy, and a bit standoffish. Pretty much only talks to his team. Likes to play with puzzles. Is an amazing sharpshooter.

Name: Mi-Jin Song Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Korean Type: Warp Personality: At first she seems sort of aloof and stubborn, but she genuinely has a heart of gold. She’s surprisingly good at giving inspiring speeches for someone who doesn’t talk much otherwise. Mostly she just opens her mouth when she has something important to say. Or someone to roast. She’s also very very well versed in sarcasm.

Name: Sariya Anandi Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Indian Type: Seeker Personality: A very typical romantic goth. She loves creepy things, dead things, and the idea of everlasting dark love. She loves to read and find places to sit and enjoy nature. Especially if it’s dark out.

Name: Tess Lajani Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them Ethnicity: Persian Type: Guardian Personality: Bright, loud, excitable. Those don’t come close to explaining this firecracker. Tess has endless energy and endless optimism.

Name: Kayde Hadji Pronouns: He/Him Ethnicity: Arabic Type: Stitch Personality: Is as much a protector of the team as Tess. He is the first to wrap anyone and everyone in a bear hug. Kayde can be a bit vain, but also loves to spoil his teammates and anyone else he likes. He’s basically a prince. He’s also a big ol flirt and poly as hell.

Name: Raja Taer Pronouns: They/Them/He/Him Ethnicity: Filipino/English Type: Warp Personality: Inquisitive and precise. They are quick with wit and decision making. But everything has to be just-so. They love collecting art from around the multiverse, and often bring things to trade just to get some.

Name: Leo Imani Pronouns: He/Him Ethnicity: Swahilli/American Type: Stitch Personality: Bright and cheerful prankster. Leo suffers from chronic pain, but he’s never without a grin and a quip. He is fierce to protect his companions, and has more than once ran into a situation that their Guardian should have been the one to handle. He also loves to cook for the team, and makes sure to make a big meal after any hard mission.

Name: Sabrina (Sabre) Caro Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Latinx Type: Warp Personality: Confident in herself and her team. She loves them all to bits and tries to help them all see the best in themselves. Curious by nature, she tends to get in trouble by acting before thinking.

Name: Theodora (Teddy) Goldhirsch Pronouns: They/Them/Any Ethnicity: Jewish/Pacific Islander Type: Guardian Personality: Sweet as sugar. They are as strong with diplomacy as they are physically. Which is to say, extremely. They also love animals, and will make a point of checking out the local fauna of any new world they stop on.

Name: Casper Isley Pronouns: He/Him Ethnicity: Scottish Type: Warp Personality: The replacement for Sabre after she goes missing. He is slow to really catch on with the team as they’ve had such a long time together and he’s the new guy. He’s incredibly eager to please, and just wants to do a good job.

Name: Katya Volkov Pronouns: She/Her Ethnicity: Russian Type: Seeker Personality: A very shy girl who really only opens up around those she sees as her own. Kat tends to live in her head more than she interacts with the world around her. This is partly because of her powers as a Seeker, and partly because of how introverted she is. She is very much in love with Sabre, who showed her how to tune out the whole of the universe, and just be herself.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #192 - Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Oh yes

Did I like it then: It’s grown on me.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD (although we watched my brother’s blu-ray copy)

1) Watching this film is a tradition to do on my brother’s birthday (which was in August but I’m behind on my rewatch posts). We’ve been doing it for 9 years (give or take a year) and it kinda grows on you.

2) I’m a sucker for 4th wall breaks in movies, so the numerous ones in this film are appreciated.

3) Honestly, the rapping which bookends the film feels like a misguided attempt by Mel Brooks to make the film “hip”. It just doesn’t really work and doesn’t feel like it belongs in a Mel Brooks bit.

4) There are actually quite a few clever gags in this film. A lot of them come from the very first scene in Jerusalem’s prison with Robin and Falafel.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

5) Cary Elwes as Robin Hood.

Elwes was cast in The Princess Bride back in 1987 because of his “Errol Flynn” like quality. Now he plays a role which is one of Flynn’s most iconic. He commits to the part in the grandest of Mel Brooks’ tradition, as set before by Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein and Bill Pullman in Spaceballs. Elwes’ Robin is wonderfully buffoonish and ridiculous, with most of the humor coming from his lack of self awareness. It would be easy for an insecure actor to give a wink to the audience that lets them know he’s aware they’re stupid, but Elwes isn’t afraid of appearing idiotic. He embraces it. Robin should come across as an idiot. That’s the gag!

6) I relate to Achoo so much.

Robin [while going into a fight]: “Watch my back!”

[Robin gets hit in the back twice.]

Achoo: “You’re back just got hit twice.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

7) Dave Chapelle as Achoo.

Chapelle’s ability to play the straight man in this film is absolutely amazing. A legendary comic, Chapelle basically represents the audience. I mentioned that Robin is blissfully unaware of the foolishness in his life, but Achoo is hysterically aware of it. He’s observations are comedically wonderful and just all around inspired. Chapelle is a wonderful addition to the cast.

8) Blinkin, the blind butler.

The film is able to take an absurd concept that was taken so seriously in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and take it to its naturally funny punchline. While many of Blinkin’s jokes may fall flat, his overall presence is appreciated and does lend to some nice comedy all around.

9) Robin losing everything he loved shouldn’t this funny.

(Screenshot taken of a GIF set originally made by @thorinss)

10) I despise the Home Alone “joke” this film makes. It is the first in a long line which shows that just because you make a pop culture reference doesn’t mean you’re being funny.

11) Roger Rees as the Sheriff of Rottingham

Roger Rees is the definite scene stealer of the show, outshining even Dave Chapelle’s Achoo. He is able to take ownership of every moment he’s in by playing the Sheriff as a bigger idiot than even Robin to a wonderfully hysterical degree. I got a chance to see Rees on stage before his passing (when he played Gomez Addams in The Addams Family) and I could see from that his comedic talent was not only limited to his work with Mel Brooks. All in all, for me, Roger Rees will always be my favorite performance in the film.

12) Amy Yasbeck as Marion.

Yasbeck - like Elwes - commits to the silliness of Marion. Although more of a spoof than a character at times, it’s a damn good spoof. By taking aim at old school “fair maiden” tropes and sort of the humorous daintiness of that, Yasbeck is able to hold her own against Elwes and the insanity of a Brooks’ movie.

13) Richard Lewis as Prince John.

If the Sheriff of Rottingham is the evil version of Elwes’ Robin (in his embracing of the character’s foolishness) then Roger Lewis is the evil version of Achoo. He plays it modern, very aware of kind of the idiocy around him, and casual to the point of funny. He has the ridiculously strong chemistry with Roger Rees which makes all their scenes a treat and all in all totally fun.

14) Tracy Ullman as the witch/cook Prince John goes to in times of need and she’s fine enough in the part. It’s not exactly a fountain of character writing but she’s funny enough and works with the part well.

Prince John [after Latrine says her family changed the name when they came to England]: “You changed it TO Latrine?”

Latrine: “Yeah. Used to be shit house!”

Prince John [after nodding]: “Good change!”

14.1) Also, Latrine promises to make a magic potion that’ll make Robin worthless if Prince John puts in a good word for her with Rottingham. He agrees and then…it never comes up again. At all. It’s like the scene never happened. And I’m just like…

15) Hey, that’s Erik Allan Kramer!

16) The bow staff fight between Robin and Little John is actually pretty clever, primarily because of just how funnily it deteriorates into a slapping game.

17) Remember what I mentioned in note #10? Well, we get these two “jokes” back to back.

Will Scarlett: “My full name is Will Scarlett O’Hara. We’re from Georgia.”

Achoo [after Robin fails to jump on his horse]: “Man, white men can’t jump.”

Repeat after me: making a pop culture reference is not the same as making a joke.

18) However, this is pretty funny.

According to IMDb:

The gag about Robin being able to speak with an English accent is a reference to Kevin Costner's performance in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991). Unfortunately viewers who saw both movies in a dubbed version couldn't get this gag. For the German dubbed version the gag was changed to: "because I - unlike some other Robin Hood - do not cost the producers 5 million". The German word "kosten" (cost) was also pronounced to sound a little bit like Costner. In the French (France) and Italian (Italy) dubbed versions, it is translated as, "Because unlike other Robin Hoods, I do not dance with the wolves", referring to another Kevin Costner movie Dances with Wolves (1990). In Quebec, the translation becomes "Because unlike other Robin Hoods, I accept to wear tights," which refers to the fact that Costner didn't wear tights in the 1991 movie. In the Hungarian version, he says "Because unlike Kevin Costner, I have a shapely bottom," a reference to the infamous fact that Costner used a body double in the nude scene.

19) The castle fight has a number of clever bits but some could’ve been cut in support of pacing. The scene as a whole drags at times and can come across as dull instead of fun like it should be. Tightening it up may have helped.

20) If only for Dave Chapelle’s Malcolm X impression, this is my favorite scene in the entire film.

I also love the juxtaposition between Robin’s Churchill and (again) Chapelle’s X. It just really works for me.

21) Hey…isn’t that David DeLuise? The dad from “Wizards of Waverly Place?”

22) Ah, the obligatory Mel Brooks cameo.

23) Dom DeLuise as Don Giovani.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights - Don Giovanni - watch more funny videos

Okay, I lied. THIS is my favorite scene in the entire film. DeLuise is absolutely hysterical and why the scene may be a bit too long, I just don’t care. He’s so fucking funny! His Brando impression is a gift from above and I’ve got a feeling most of his shit was improvised. It’s just…it speaks largely to the talent of Dom DeLuise. I love it.

24) This is probably the best Blinkin gag in the film.

[Blinkin falls from a tree, dusts himself off, then starts to look around.]

Blinkin: “I can see!”

[Blinkin walks right into a tree then takes a step back.]

Blinkin: “Nope. I was wrong.”

25) The “Men in Tights” song is a much better fit for this film than the rap. It feels organic to the kind of comedy the film embraces and is just pretty fun.

26) “The Night is Young” is similarly organic and a better fit than the wrap, but it probably shouldn’t have been put back-to-back with the previous song. We need a little variety.

27) I love this.

(GIFs originally posted by @summercountess)

I love that the filmmakers aren’t even trying to explain why he gets another shot. It’s just, “It’s in the script.” I mentioned I’m a sucker for fourth wall breaks and this one takes the cake for me!

28) There are a lot of gags in this movie which were funnier in other Mel Brooks films.

Prince John’s, “I have a mole?” vs Igor’s, “What hump?” from Young Frankenstein.

“Walk this way!” in this film vs Young Frankenstein.

The hangman in this film vs Blazing Saddles.

etc.

29) The fight scene is actually what the castle fight should’ve been more like. The swashbuckling action is fun and mixed well with gags and slapstick humor.

Rottingham: “En guard!”

Robin: “Thanks for the warning!”

Also they run into a crew member on his break, which continues my love for 4th wall breaks.

30) And a wild Patrick Stewart appears!

He has a Scottish accent because Sean Connery made a similarly random cameo at the end of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves with his natural accent. It’s kinda weird and doesn’t add much but who cares, it’s Patrick Stewart!

While there are other funnier Mel Brooks movies out there and better Robin Hood films out there, Robin Hood: Men in Tights does exactly what it is supposed to do: it gives you a 100 minute distraction with silly comedy and fun performances that can act as a break from your day. Cary Elwes is a delight as Robin, with Roger Rees, Richard Lewis, Dave Chapelle, and Amy Yasbeck all showing off their comedic chops. It’s just fun. Occasionally stupid, yes. Some of the jokes do fall painfully flat (like that Home Alone gag), but by the end of the film you’ll probably have gotten in a few chuckles and feel like it’s time well spent. It’s just silly Mel Brooks fun.

[byebyeholocene]

Victuuri Must Reads - Part II

Dear True Love  (WIP) by @ablations - A beautiful AU in which Yuuri is a pianist and Victor a writer who decides to go to Hasetsu for a break. This story is so soft and beautiful and introspective. I love it and it’s incredibly well written with amazing character development! 

Twenty-Five Hours (WIP) by @0lizzybennet0 - Canon divergent fic in which Yuuri and Victor first meet on a really long flight where they are assigned adjacent seats. This is so witty, sweet, funny and a bit angsty and I just??? I love this so much??? Bonus points for awesome Yurio characterization. 

Beside the Dancing Sea by @omgkatsudonplease - AU where Victor is a writer who moves to a sleepy Scottish town looking for inspiration. There, he meets the mysterious Yuuri Katsuski and his life is changed forever. If you are looking for a long, beautifully written AU this is it. It’s captivating, angsty with lots of pining, and with great supporting characters! 

Like a Fairytale (WIP) by @lucycamui - Fairytale AU where Victor is a prince who falls with a baker at the ball. THIS. IS. SO. ADORABLE. It’s so fluffy and sweet and there’s lots of pining and Victor as an airy-headed prince is all you could ask for. 

not gold like in your dreams (WIP) by @ebenroot - Penelope AU where Victor and Yuuri become roommates and Yuuri has a secret. Slow burn fic, really sweet and fluffy (with a tad of angst), and so well written! 

if i’m never your hero (WIP) by @actualyuuri - Vigilante AU in which Victor is a journalist and Yuuri the new intern. And a superhero. If you’ve read my previous list you already know that I love anything and everything that braveten writes. This is no exception and I can’t wait to know how it continues!

how the mighty fall (in love) by @actualyuuri - Writers AU where Victor is a famous writer with a rival named ‘KY’. Like I said, I adore braveten and this short fic is sublime! So sweet and full of pining.

Healthy Impropriety by mtothdestiel - Regency AU. I repeat: RECENCY AU. And a beautifully written one at that, in which the wealthy Mr Nikiforov is the most extra recency heroine and falls for Yuuri at a ball. I am a sucker for anything resembling Jane Austen and I think this fic is a work of art. 

The Boyfriend Experience (WIP) by @victorsporosya - Escort AU. Yuuri is a retired skater turned escort and, one night, one of his usual clients sets him up with none other than skating legend Viktor Nikiforov. I have two words for this: smut and angst (and romance). It’s so well written and compelling! 

Masquerade (WIP) by @captain-erwinmerica - Mafia AU where Victor and Yuuri are star-crossed lovers and heirs of two opposite mafia families. This is so angsty and full of suspence (and also some smut and some fluff) and beautifully written! 

Note: A lot of people seemed to enjoy my first list of recommendations, and since I’ve done some more reading in the past month instead of studying for my exams like I should have here is a new list with some more amazing fics! This fandom really is blessed with incredibly talented writers, and if you like any of the above fics make sure to let them know! 

[portinastorm]

Favourite characters

I was tagged by the lovely @bell88x9y to list ten of my favourite characters. Thank you for the tag! Some of these aren’t fandom specifically.

Now, I’ve read a lot, and I’ve watched a lot of TV and films as well, but damn it if this was harder than I could have imagined! No doubt I’ll post this list and then later tonight I’ll go ‘Oh crap, how could I forget such-and-such!’ so... yeah!

Thorin Oakenshield Of course he would be the top of my list. And - this is going to be sacrilege of the highest order - I prefer the Thorin that Peter Jackson and the ever-talented Richard Armitage gave us than the Thorin Tolkien gave us. Thorin is one of my favourite characters because he is so extremely flawed. He is so morally grey, yet what he does, he thinks is done for the good of dwarven-kind. Yet, we are also graced with just how much the Dwarven King-Under-the-Mountain has suffered for his people, and how much he would suffer still to give them a home, as well as how much pain he would DEAL OUT to ensure that his home isn’t taken away from him, all whilst suffering under the curse of gold sickness. Richard Armitage brings this marvellously to life, and honestly I just admire him and I’m so grateful to him for that. 

Robert Sugden Yes, he does make the list, and yes, I have recently favoured him over Aaron. Again, because he is morally grey, because his moral compass is sometimes pointed somewhere a little south of north, because he is mightily flawed and sometimes he knows this, but sometimes he doesn’t. And there is an air of mystery to him which I find so fascinating. Robert doesn’t see things in black and white, and that has led him into trouble sometimes, but it also allows viewers to sometimes see things from his POV in a way that they never would have before. Add to this the way that he is a scratched character. He’s not broken but he certainly knows what it is to have a less than sparkling childhood, and it’s something which is still affecting him now. He still isn’t treated to the concept that he is good enough and it’s heartbreaking.

Marsh From the Mistborn series. I was drawn to him first because of the way he felt that he had given all he had to give, and he just couldn’t do any more. And yet, even after he had all but given up, he was persuaded to do one last thing which led to his downfall. Except it didn’t, because Marsh is a Good Guy, but he still struggles against himself most of all. The reason I’m being so vague is because if I was to divulge everything, there’d be spoilers galore. Just know that I am in love with this character, and he is the one I cite when I need to provide examples of minor characters who I care about more than main characters!

Thomas Nightingale From the Peter Grant (Rivers of London) series. Another minor character that I love. Again, he is mysterious. We know next to nothing about Nightingale but that for a good long while he thought he was the last wizard left in London. That, and he is Old with a capital ‘oh’, and again, that just gives him an air of mystery because sometimes we’ll be told through Peter something about his boss, but never enough to build a full picture. Also, in book four we are treated to just how amazingly powerful the man is, and it’s quite spectacular

Mulan She defied every law (both written and unwritten) to stand in her father’s place in a war. She was always brave and outspoken and courageous and fiery, but she found the place where it MATTERED that she was all of those things. She didn’t find it in her old life where she would have been a wife for a man returning from war, she didn’t even find it in the army although she was one step closer there. She found it in herself. Let young girls watch this movie; let them see girls who can be strong, who can do things which people would think them incapable of, let them see that it was only when she was MULAN that she was able to save China. 

Miles Edgeworth If anyone has played the Phoenix Wright games, you may well know why I love Miles Edgeworth. He’s a haughty, snobby son of a bitch, with a past that just won’t quit. SPOILERS He was made to believe for years that he killed his own father, a lie which was perpetuated by the man who took him in, whose master plan was to topple Miles from his lofty heights and land him in prison. So yes, I love the angst that comes with this character, and I also love his development: it is through his old friend Phoenix that he realises that honesty is far more important than prestige. And oh my god, don’t even get me started on the Phoenix/Miles pairing! That ship can sail itself. Seriously, if they were the opposite sex then they’d get together by the end of the series but because the gaming company seems to think that kids can’t be exposed to ‘that kind of thing’, they threw in one of Phoenix’s old girlfriends, like give me a break!

Belle Yup, two Disney princesses. Deal with it! (I know that Belle and Mulan come from older stories but I do like the Disney versions of their characters). I love Belle because she’s different from the girls in her town: she’s smart and not just in the book-smarts kind of way either - she knows that Gaston is bad news as much as she knows that she wants something different from life. She sacrificed her freedom for her father (much like Mulan did for her own father), she knew what the Beast was, and she saw past the way he looked and the way he acted, and to the kind person within. I know that ‘Stockholm syndrome’ is passed around when it comes to Belle, but I personally don’t see it that way. I think that she genuinely did fall in love with another lonesome soul, and in doing so she also got the life that she wanted.

Ignis Scientia Anyone who has visited my blog in the past few weeks will know that I am obsessed with Final Fantasy XV, and as amazing as the game is, I do think it’s the characters that keep me coming back to it whenever I turn on my PS4. Ignis Scientia is, again, a minor character. But he has a past which we’re not altogether clear about. He was serving the prince from a young age, he perhaps had to grow up at too young an age, and who can say what happened to the rest of his family? He’s mysterious, he’s witty and sarcastic (the British accent for the English dub was a great choice!), he cares, he’s loyal. And (I’m gonna be vague in case some people haven’t played it, who want to play it) he’s hurt during the game. If there’s one thing I love for my fave characters, it’s to see them hurt, and it delivers. I’m hoping for Good Stuff in the Episode Ignis DLC!

Robin Scherbatsky She’s gorgeous, she’s fun, she’s a little weird, she’s sensitive, she’s kind, she’s witty, she’s sometimes lonely, she’s sometimes walled up. I’m more than a little bit in love with her!

Merida It was a toss up between her and Pocahontas (I almost want to defy the rules and add Pocahontas as number 11!), but I love Merida’s development, and I love the fact that she doesn’t want to marry, I love that she starts as so headstrong and whilst that doesn’t really change, it does get aimed somewhere different. I love the relationship she has with both her parents, and I love that they lead her down completely different paths, I love her independence but her need still to depend on her mother, I love her curly red hair and her Scottish accent, I love that she’s an amazing girl turned woman who knows her own mind and feels that she shouldn’t be dictated to by anyone.

Sorry that that got long. Actually, I’m not that sorry, I love talking about my favourite characters! If you got to the end of this long list, well done! I tag @shonamoyce, @turquoiseterrier, @stulot, @cassiopea-13, @fairytalesdonthaveendings, @heartneverliez (Sorry if you’ve been tagged before! Feel free to ignore this!)

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The historic relations between the UAE and India take-off to a new level today (January 26) as New Delhi hosts HH Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Abu Dhabi Crown Prince and Deputy Supreme Commander of the UAE Armed Forces, as the Chief Guest of the 68th Republic Day celebration

The force of history is undeniable.

And today (Jan. 26, 2017), as His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Abu Dhabi Crown Prince and Deputy Supreme Commander of the UAE Armed Forces, presides over the 68th Republic Day celebrations of India in New Delhi as the chief guest, the force of history that binds India and the UAE will take on a new high note.

This is historic, indeed; a day that will go down as the new referral point in the bilateral relations of the two countries.

With it, 2.8 million Indians, the largest community in the UAE, and one of the largest populations of expatriate Indians anywhere in the world, find a new voice and representation in the public polity of their motherland.

  Pic: Via AIR News

The invitation extended by India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi to HH Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed is compelling on two counts: One, it underlines the commitment of India to foster strong relations with the UAE, a nation that has set global benchmarks in all indices – social, human and economic development, as it open doors to more exchange of resources and talents benefiting both nations.

Two, it is a salute by the Indian government to the non-resident Indian community in the UAE for their contributions to both countries. It recognises the entrepreneurial acumen of UAE-based NRIs as much as it fetes the hard work of hundreds of thousands of Indian professionals and workers.

Two Nations; One Home

History books have documented the flourishing trade ties that have existed between the Arab world and India since centuries. The famed shores of Malabar, rich with its spices and condiments, were an allure for Arab merchants.

Much before the arrival of Vasco da Gama to the shores of Kappad in Kerala, there existed a flourishing two-way trade between India and the Arab region, which in due course also evolved into a long-lasting legacy of cultural exchange and assimilation.

Folklores and anecdotes, including by William Logan, the Scottish officer under the British Government who served as the Collector of Malabar, document the imprint of the trade ties with the Arab world on the social landscape of the region.

The UAE, then part of the Trucial States, featured in these sea trade especially for its famed pearls. Over the years, with shifting global political equations, imperial quests and two World Wars, the trade ties between the regions witnessed flagging fortunes.

While the resourceful Indians were known for their overseas expeditions in search of new opportunities, the Gulf region came into their radar after the discovery of oil in the 1930s-40s.

A second less cited reason that lend momentum to more Indians reaching the shores of the UAE and the Gulf region came with The Partition (read the inspiring story of Dr. Ram Buxani, Chairman of ITL-Cosmos Group, documenting the same). The enterprising Sindhi community that flourished in what is today Sindh in Pakistan were uprooted to India.

This also spawned the travels of the community’s members to various countries in East Africa. A vast business empire was being led by these entrepreneurs spanning the East African nations such as Uganda and Kenya to Southeast Asian countries including Malaysia with India serving as a hub.

Textiles were their predominant trade, and it is with a bit of pluck and luck that the first of these merchants arrived to the shores of Dubai seeking to sell inventory. They soon set up representative offices and very soon, a new migratory pattern emerged.

With more oil discoveries, opportunities abounded in the region, and it opened doors to more Indians seeking jobs and livelihood in Dubai and Sharjah. It is well-documented in films how the Dibba Rock, popularly known as ‘Snoopy Dog Rock’ served as the flag-point for many Indians who traveled on rickety ships and ventured the high seas to arrive in Fujairah, before they trekked on foot to the emerging towns & cities of the country.

The Snoopy Dog rock; pic via> Sandy Beach Hotel

But such migrations would have ended us but mere footnotes in history if not for the amazing generosity and hospitality extended by the hosts. The people of the UAE welcomed the visitors with open minds and together, they worked in nation-building at a time when oil wealth was being judiciously used to develop the country’s infrastructure.

Today, with effortless airline connectivity – with most Indian cities just about four hours flying distance away – these adventures are no longer needed. But the fact remains that it was the spirit of adventure, perseverance and ambition of the thousands who walked before us, and the welcoming hospitality of the leaders and the people, that today set the platform for the bilateral relations shared by the UAE and India.

The Second Wave of Entrepreneurship

While the first wave of NRIs in the UAE were predominantly involved in business and a large majority associated with infrastructure building activities, the second wave of immigration is underpinned by professionalism and entrepreneurship.

And this is in no mean measure attributed to the evolution of the UAE as a nation and the visionary outlook of the leadership.

In what can only be regarded as a fascinating story of how a nation transformed itself into a global hub for business and leisure in a span of just over 40 years, the UAE adopted an open door policy to economic activity that enabled a whole generation of NRIs to flourish.

While retail activity had been a traditional forte of NRIs, they also proved demonstrated their acumen in two core sectors – healthcare and education. Thus by the 1980s and in the early 1990s, NRIs were spinning success stories in the three sectors – all of which contributed to the UAE’s GDP.

No doubt, a large number of workers – skilled and semi-skilled – were working in the construction, oil & gas and other allied sectors, making sterling contributions by way of remittances to their country.

The opening of the free zones and the UAE’s focus on economic diversification came as a game changer. It also coincided with the information technology boom, a forte of Indians.

Very soon, the UAE witnessed intense entrepreneurial activity in the IT sector as well as in manufacturing with the free zones serving as the headquarters for businesses by Indian entrepreneurs.

Serving as a gateway to the high-growth markets in the Middle East and North Africa and beyond, the UAE fueled the entrepreneurial ambitions of Indians.

Today, there are over 60,000 Indian companies in the UAE – their diversified operations contributing to the UAE economy. As of 2013, India had a foreign direct investment of US$5.7 billion in the UAE.

Conversely, the UAE had a total investment in India of about US$8 billion, including US$2.8 billion in foreign direct investment, in sectors such as construction, energy, metallurgical industries, services and computer software & hardware. Flagship Emirati companies such as DP World and Emaar have made significant investments in the country, and continue to build on their operations.

With strong imprint in sector such as education, healthcare, retail including gold & jewellery, textiles, manufacturing, information technology, and media, among others, Indian companies are supporting the strong bilateral business ties between the two nations which is expected to reach US$100 billion by 2020 – that is just three years away.

Underlining this success, no doubt, is the remarkable vision of the UAE leadership, which defined its ambition to be one of the best nations in the world by 2021 in its strategic Vision 2021 document.

The new era in partnerships

And now, we are entering a new era of partnerships where the UAE and India are working towards leveraging their mutual strengths to build a win-win relationship that benefits the people of both nations.

PM Narendra Modi in Dubai in 2015; pic via NDTV.com

The visit of Prime Minister Narendra Modi in 2015 and the warm welcome accorded to him by the UAE leadership marked the start of a new chapter in the historic relations between the two countries.

Significantly, the visit of PM Modi was marked by the intention to create a US$75 billion fund to drive Indian infrastructure. The inauguration of the India-UAE Joint Business Council by HH Sheikh Abdullah bin Zayed Al Nahyan, UAE’s Foreign Minister, and the raft of agreements signed during HH Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed’s 2016 visit to India, strengthened the journey to the next era of cooperation.

Significantly enough, the relations based on mutual respect, now focus on the next generation technologies. For example, the seven agreements signed in 2016 set the framework for closer cooperation in areas such as renewable energy, space technology, talent management, insurance, infrastructure development and culture.

This also reflects the futuristic vision of the UAE, which focuses its growth strategy on the three pillars of innovation, sustainability and infrastructure. As the nation sets the fundamentals to build a future economy, India, with its high skilled professionals, comes in as a trusted partner.

The new era of partnerships between the UAE and India, thus, marks a significant shift from retail and services to frontier sciences and technologies that form the cornerstone of a knowledge economy.

This is an opportunity that is clearly aligned with the aspirations of the future generations of both countries. With tech-savvy, connected young people in both nations, it is only imperative that future policies open doors for new opportunities to them.

That is the spirit of cooperation that we see flourishing today in the UAE-India ties. The two nations are drawing on their history to build a future that will take both countries ahead in the global map of high-growth, high-potential economies.

Film, a binding force

While trade and commerce no doubt serve as the backdrop for the UAE-Indo ties, the emotional bonding that film brings cannot be undermined

IT might appear unbelievable for many Indians but the fact is that most of its Bollywood productions are often first watched by the people of the United Arab Emirates, a good one day before their mainstream theatrical release in India.

That might be coincidental given that weekend releases in the UAE are on Thursday, a day before the ‘big Friday’ release of Indian films. But what goes between the lines is the enormous popularity of Bollywood films among Emiratis.

Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan and Salman Khan (not necessarily in that order) are familiar (and even household names) while Amitabh Bachchan continues to be the ultimate icon for the Egyptian expatriates you can meet in the UAE.

Thus, even before Bollywood talked about its cross-over to international audiences, it already had (and continues to have) a significant fan following in the UAE.

It is not just the colourful costumes and song-and-dance routine that make Hindi films appealing to Emirati audiences. It is also the emotional chord that the films strike with the Nationals -and the shared cultural sensibilities and sensitivities that were shaped over the years.

Therefore, it came as no surprise that Pulimurugan, a Malayalam film starring Mohanlal, also found acceptance among the people of the UAE.

While the UAE had served as a base for shooting a one-off dance or song for Bollywood films, the big turn came in 2002/3 when Amitabh Bachchan led a contingent of actors including Jackie Shroff and Katrina Kaif to shoot the film Boom in the UAE.

Almost fully shot in the UAE with Burj Al Arab, among other icons, serving as locations, the film might not have worked at the box office for various reasons. But it did lead to a remarkable increase in the number of Hindi films being shot in the country.

Between Anant Mahadevan’s Dil Vil Pyar Vyar, partly shot here in 2002, to director Farah Khan’s Happy New Year in 2014, to many more later, the UAE is today a preferred hub for Indian filmmakers for the single-window clearances and ground-support they receive.

The admiration for Indian films is further highlighted with the inaugural Dubai International Film Festival in 2004 honouring director Subhash Ghai, and going on to fete Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Yash Chopra and more to the recent lifetime achievement conferred on Rekha.

It was not just Hindi films that flourished in the UAE as a film shoot & production destination. In Malayalam cinema, Dubai-based writer Dr. Iqbal Kuttippuram wrote two captivating films against the backdrop of the country – Arabikatha and Diamond Necklace – directed by Lal Jose.

Director Joshy shot an entire movie in Dubai, eponymously titled with Mammootty in the lead; director Salim Ahmed made the well-crafted Pathemari, also with Mammootty documenting the life of expatriates.

Mohanlal has shot a number of films including director Kamal’s Ayaal Kathaezhuthukayaanu and Oru Marubhoomikatha, among others, while Kamal also shot his Gaddama here.

Last year, Vineeth Sreenivasan directed Jacobinte Swargarajyam, based on a real-life story, set in the UAE, in addition to films such as Kalyanism, Persiakkaran and God’s Own Country, among others adding to the list of Malayalam films shot in the UAE.

ENDS

          Why Jan. 26, 2017, marks a new era for the Indian diaspora in the UAE The historic relations between the UAE and India take-off to a new level today (January 26) as New Delhi hosts HH Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Abu Dhabi Crown Prince and Deputy Supreme Commander of the UAE Armed Forces, as the Chief Guest of the 68th Republic Day celebration…