#Alastor's breakdown song

[deer-carcasses]

"Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends"

a deeper look into Alastor's solo part of the final song

The entire soundtrack has been stuck in my head since the show ended, but Alastor's part of the final specifically has been playing on a loop in my brain since I first heard it.

The slow downward pan from the Vee's feeling like they are now finally able to take over the city to the upward pan with Alasto's song starting was a fantastic choice, the contrast in their emotions, in the music, and still it all fit perfectly together.

"This place reeks of death," is such an underrated opening for this song in my eyes. We know Alastor is a cannibal, we've seen him eat a dead deer before, [^1] which would point toward him not having a problem with the smell of death and decay, but he goes out of his way to mention it smells of death. I don't think he truly meant the smell of death in this scene though. He might be talking about the death of his career if he had gotten killed in his fight with Adam. The line "Great Alastor, Altruist, died for his friends" is not him referring to himself as an altruist, it is the headlines he already sees if he truly would have died, seemingly for his friends, for the hotel. The way he follows it up with "Sorry to disappoint, this is not where it ends" shows this. It's him stating how absurd it is, but that this would be the story everyone would be thinking should it have happened. But I also feel like he says it because he knows there's the tiniest of truths behind it. Why did he fight Adam alone? Why did he fight in the first place? For the hotel, for his friends. As much as Alastor hates to admit it, he has gotten closer to the people in the hotel for sure, especially when we look at how he interacts with them all. He seems friendlier, even if it's just for show and to keep up his facade, but he truly does act like he at least cares a little but about them. The look he has while even saying it speaks volumes, he looks truly terrified of the implication that hell could see him as an altruist in this fight.

At first, his smile was an angry snarl, aggression about being humiliated by losing this fight clearly written all over his smile. But then it turns genuinely afraid like he fears the mere concept of being seen as a decent person, not even a good person, just decent enough to fight for the people in the hotel.

He digs his nails into his scalp, dragging his hands down the side of his face, but not at the prospect of dying, but at the idea of what would've come after he had died. [^2] At the idea that all of hell would know he not only died but died for someone else. Before this thought of what other people in hell would think of him, he looked more angry, enraged that Adam even dared be an opponent that Alastor had to run from in order to get out of there alive. His reaction is surprisingly human considering how Alastor normally holds himself. Sure he was alone ignoring the eyes following him around his destroyed radio tower, [^3] There's no one here that he would have to lie to, but he knows better than anyone that you're never truly alone in hell, so it still surprised me how honest he was with the viewers in this moment. It's the most we see of him that doesn't seem to be a character, a facade.

His whole persona is this blatant mask he wears constantly, obvious to everyone who knows him. He even admitted to Charlie that his smile is not real in the slightest. But it works. Every scene where Alastor was talking before his Breakdown Ballad in the finale, I second-guessed every single word that left his mouth. Wondering if it all is a performance. I see a lot of people online with the same thought, looking at everything he says twice, trying to see any hidden meaning, any clue as to what he truly wants to say behind words that, if said by any other character, would've been the least interesting thing ever. And even then, his fake smile keeps in place, even if the actual emotions behind it are clear as day, while alone in his destroyed tower. It might be to fool himself like he fools others, but I think his smile is not able to be dropped, let it be part of his deal or part of his punishment, Alastor will never be seen without his smile. [^4]

Overall i feel like Alastor does care about the Hotel staff and guests to a certain extent. I can't fully trust it, and I'd be less than surprised if I were to be wrong, but there are scenes where he seems too much like he cares.

Moving along on the song, the next lyrics are rather straightforward forward "I'm hungry for freedom like never before. The constraints of my deal surely have a backdoor" circling back to what I mentioned above. His current goal is to escape this deal that is constricting his powers, powers that would most likely have saved him from the injury he sustained. The next and final lines"Once I figure out how to unclip my wings. Guess who will be pulling all the strings?" strongly point towards how he is unable to use his full strength, that his full potential can't be reached while he is still under this deal he made. The thought of Alastor not being at his full potential in his fight with Adam is on some level truly terrifying, a Sinner can reach these kinds of powers in hell that he is able to fight someone like Adam, the first man, someone with approximately the same amount of power Lilith must have? I've just today talked to a friend of one about it. Yes, Alastor lost the fight, but he held up quite well and was a worthy opponent to the point that Adam had to seriously take a second, stop joking around, and concentrate on the fight to get a single hit on Alastor. All of this while Alastor also got a few hits in, not as strong as the ones he had to endure later on, but still. They were hits.

Regardless, in the end, Alastor came very close to dying, and that was for a cause that wasn't just for himself. Seeing what Adam did to the Hotel (or Sir Pentious while we're at it), Alastor has to honestly be glad he even survived that blow directly to his chest. There surely was some plot armor behind this decision, but it's still believable when we trust the theory that Alastor made a deal with someone far more powerful than anyone expects.

This show, and Alastor specifically, has taken over my thoughts completely.

[^1]: in my eyes his being a cannibal points to how he has a need for superiority. To always prove his worth. In his days alive he was a serial killer, a hunter, and now in hell, he has aspects of a deer, a prey animal. The cannibalism is purely to show that he is still on top, that he is superior even to those similar to him, to those that are the same as him. He might have characteristics of a prey animal, but he stays the hunter.

[^2]: this strengthens my theory that Alastor is also afraid of dying whiteout escaping the deal he is currently still bound to. I touch on it in this post a bit more clearly, it's almost at the end of the post.

[^3]: I'd like to link everyone to this post for some thoughts on the eyes in this scene. It's incredibly well written and I couldn't have phrased it better.

[^4]: the closest we ever get to not seeing him, or more part of him, not smiling is shortly before he vanishes from the fight with Adam. His shadow can be seen frowning in the background before quickly correcting itself. It's a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of situation.

[lilfriezatyrant]

Rewatching and listening to his breakdown song and omg the feels kick in 😭😭😭

[nerdypuddincup]

After his incredible part in the Finale song, Alastor is just BEGGNG to have a full on villain song.

[eissaphir]

I thought of this with a carnival in mind but feel free to interpret this any way you want. Looking at you, Radioapple shippers

[dumbnotstupidfuck]

the whole soundtrack fucks but the crack they put in that finale song should be studied

[alastors-antlers]

a brief take on the whole "Alastor's smile is permanent" discussion

hello all!

I've seen a lot of people theorizing lately that Alastor actually smiles all the time because his smile is magically, physically fixed onto his face. All of this seems to come from the fact that he's practically grimacing rather than smiling during the scene where he breaks down in ep8:

As well as this frame of his deal with Charlie: (lower res sorry)

I will say, I do like some of the implications of this theory. The sheer spite of his creditor forcing him to smile as an addition to their deal, almost like a sort of forced silence, is a neat concept. It's fun and dramatic. Plus, of all things, of course Alastor would claim the "smile at all times" policy and make it his own to pretend that it was his decision all along lol.

To be fair, though, I don't think we even need any magical compulsion to explain why he's smiling while he's having a mental breakdown. Actually, if we assume magical compulsion, I think we lose a bit of dimension from Alastor's character. (No judgement to anyone's take though, of course -- I just think this works in the direction of his established characterization, but obviously all personal takes <3)

Hear me out:

Alastor's persona is not just for others to see.

"A smile is a valuable tool, my dear. It inspires your friends; keeps your enemies guessing; and ensures that whatever comes your way, you're the one in control."

That makes sense given what we know about him. If he's always smiling, he seems like he has it together. You can't read him very well, especially not when he's actively trying to keep up appearances.

Now consider that when you think about ep8's fight with Heaven, we see that he's already been through so much in this one day.

He fights an army of angels, presumably not even at his own whim (if we go by his blurb about freedom in the Finale song); he loses to Adam, who he considers sloppy and mediocre; his staff, which we can assume holds some part of his power, is snapped; he comes close to being Angelic-power-killed; and to top it all off, he knows that others watched him get injured and then apparently die or flee, all of which would ruin the public image that he's trying to maintain. It wouldn't even be unreasonable for us to assume that he knows Vox was watching, given that Vox kind of has eyes everywhere.

In a moment like this, in the finale, you could say that Alastor has lost (at least on some level) everything that we know matters to him. He doesn't have access to all of his magic, and it's limiting him. He's reminded that he doesn't have freedom or control over his own destiny. He certainly has taken massive hits to his powerful, composed persona. But he's desperate, and furious, and terrified, and clinging on.

That's why he's smiling.

It's not that he can't stop because he physically can't. It's that he can't stop because to him, the smile is the last thing that is still within his power. When there are so many moving parts that he can't predict what happens to him next, he can control how he responds to it. In these last fragments of autonomy, there is solace.

He needs to keep telling himself that he has it together and that he'll eventually scheme his way free, that there's a solution, that he won't be in chains forever; because letting his pretense slip would be admitting that it's all starting to actually get to him. That maybe this time, he doesn't have an escape plan.

In addition, if you read his interactions throughout the series, we also see something else: Alastor's reputation is of paramount importance to him. At multiple points throughout the series, when others disrespect him by discounting his power or presence, he gets visibly annoyed. And in the battle, we see a glimpse of the part of his personality he seems to be trying to leave behind - a normal Alastor, who's just some guy from Louisiana. No transatlantic accent; no unflappable malice; no sharp wit waiting at the ready. Maybe even unremarkable.

Dropping his smile - arguably the most prominent part of his brand - would be admitting that in reality, he's not the Radio Demon of legend that he aspires to project. And if he doesn't have that... where would he be?

[chaoticace2005]

Vox’s Rivalry with Alastor: Need for Control

The whole thing with Vox is control. He’s the embodiment of modern technology and surveillance. The privacy issues we face? In Hell that’s all Vox. And when you think of it like that his whole rivalry with Alastor makes so much sense on a logical level.

Things Vox Controls:

-The public: constant surveillance, brainwashing, and further control over media content they consume. He doesn’t just control what people watch but he watches people.

-This partners (to a degree): we see this with how he interacts with Valentino. He isn’t the one in CHARGE, but the thing with Valentino is he tends to be very explosive, and Vox is able to direct the blast in a direction that won’t harm him (offers to bring up employees for Val to kill so he won’t make a public display about Angel)

-Himself: We see how he puts so much energy on to be publicity ready and have a smile on his face. Talking very much like a businessman or politician. He acts completely different in front of camera.

Even his smile. Both Vox and Alastor use smiling as a mechanism to hide their true selves. But with Alastor it works as a way to keep people guessing, to inspire a level of fear oftentimes.

Vox isn’t like that. He puts on a fake, plastic smile. Alastor tries to make himself off putting on purpose, Vox doesn’t. He does it to keep them complacent. Alastor smiles so people won’t figure him out. Vox smiles so people trust him enough not to try.

We see that the second Alastor is brought up that smile vanishes. His self control is gone. Throughout the song we see him lose more control over his public persona, getting more visibly angry, while at the same time the public turns more to Alastor. Meanwhile Alastor also butters his partners up and publicly announces to the world that “no, Vox can’t control me. Trust me, he tried.”

Every single thing Vox controls is threatened when Alastor is involved. Vox has no way to control him.

-Methods he uses on the public? Surveillance and media? Won’t work because Alastor can’t be captured on camera well and hates modern technology. Brainwashing the public? Won’t work if they’re paying more attention to Alastor than him.

-His partners? Alastor declined his partnership and is willing to poke at the relationship between the Vees. All the Vees carry some weight in the relationship, but Alastor could make Vox seem obsolete. He’s able to control their public perception, yes- but one of them could easily go rogue and blow that to bits.

-Himself? Demolished. Gone. He has a public breakdown. He glitches out. Fully cries at the end of the song. Maybe it’s the fear of what Alastor could do, maybe it’s their past, maybe it’s Vox’s weird hate boner, maybe it’s unrequited feelings. Who knows. All logic and control goes out the window when Alastor is involved.

And the thing Alastor seems very much the same. He hates being under someone’s leash. He needs to be in control. When he’s reminded he’s not he lashes out. The first time we really see their masks break is when they’re reminded of the fact there is someone out there that is a threat to the control the have. The “What did you say?” they both do before lashing out.

I’m interested in seeing how they’ll interact in the future. Because they really do seem like two sides of the same coin. The only difference is we know who Vox is afraid of, we don’t fully know who Alastor is of yet. They need power over others, but more than that they need power over themselves. (Alastor being controlled by whatever the deal he made was. While Vox is controlled by his emotions towards Alastor. And both being controlled by their fear.)

( @gabrielsbubblegumbitch I’m curious on your thoughts? I’ve read some of your analyses 1’s would love feedback.)

[forget-me-ghost]

I hope we'll get more 'mental breakdown' Alastor in the future. If he ever begins to care about the Hotel Crew I want him to react to that with the same amount of panic he had in his lil part of the song. This man needs to be bullied into feelings, I want to see confusion on his face, I want him to question himself.

Connor from 'Detroit: Become Human' style. Just ??? all over his face.

Imagine Alastor going "What did you do to me" on Charlie in, like, season 5 or something.

[rubra-wav]

I had this interesting scenario where Vox one day becomes exhausted from his rivalry with Alastor after realizing that the one-sided interactions were becoming old. He later meets the reader (who can also be a part of the hotel) who starts hacking into Voxtech's database to troll the company for shits and giggles. This catches Vox's attention and he's pissed about it. You can do what you want for the rest but they continue to have this rivalry to the point where it's very well known around hell. From an outside perspective, there is just back-and-forth angry banter but there are moments where they're just;

Reader: *appears on screen* Hey Box head, guess who found some good blackmail with your name on it- Vox: *Is so close to having a breakdown, he had a bad week.* Reader: Oh shit- did something happen, are you okay? 😰

They hate each other but they don't hate hate each other. This can be taken as platonic or romantic. I sent this request to someone else but I wanted to share anyway.

Vox x troll/hacker reader: Why So Blue? (Oneshot/concept version)

Why So Blue fic Masterlist

A/N me when I get to write Vox getting utterly humiliated by a troll-y hacker demon 🫶

I changed about the order of stuff as things happen a bit and took creative liberties with this one - sorry if it's really different then the thought you originally had.

(REQUESTS ARE CLOSED, THIS WAS FROM THE LAST TIME THEY WERE OPEN)

Update: This was really well-received, and several people have requested a part 2. I've decided that I will be writing it properly from the start in a proper chapter kind of way rather than in this format so it makes continuity kind of work better rather then the drabbl-y format used here.

Cw: SFW, romantic, enemy's to lovers type beat, references to one-sided radiostatic, also references to staticmoth, mildly suggestive in one part 💀, gn reader, mostly light-hearted - idk if it qualifies as quite hurt/comfort lmao

- It was just a normal morning for Vox when you first showed up.

- As usual, he booted up for the day, got changed out of his casual clothes, and made his morning coffee.

- As he walked into his computer room, absentmindedly sipping his coffee while looking at his phone, he sits down in his desk.

- Then promptly spits out his mouthful.

- When he finally looks up at the screens around him, he's mortified to see a muted video of himself passionately (and very drunkly) singing and dancing horribly from last night while he was out with Valentino and Velvette.

- Posted on Sinstagram from his own account.

- Hundreds of comments flooded in underneath it; laughing, saying it's cute, complimenting his singing, and talking about the caption underneath with curiosity.

- The caption reads; 'For someone who talks so big about being ahead technologically, it was awfully easy to hack old Boxy here LMAO'

- Vox flips out instantly.

- It doesn't take long to take down the post, change all of his details, and post an official apology for his lack of professionalism with a hypnotising message to forget the whole incident occurred at all. He also does a massive comb over for any other breaches and changes all of his systems to be even more impenetrable to a potional attack.

- He calms down, and the incident fades away to the back of his mind.

- But then it happens again.

- Another morning, an employee is rushing into his studio as he wakes up properly, telling him this time that someone is somehow broadcasting Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' to the entirety of hell at 6 am, interrupting every one of the scheduled programs.

- There's a message in big letters on the bottom of every screen in hell, under the god forsaken video and song playing, saying, "What is love~? - U" Underneath them.

- And that's how it starts, the infuriating thorn in Vox's side that is 'U'. No matter how hard he tries, you're constantly undermining his efforts to keep you out of the system and tormenting him in ways that aren't necessarily malignant but are extremely damaging to his image as the overlord of technology.

- For some reason, he's the only Vee you seem hellbent on coming after as well. Vel finds your pranks funny or cute when they don't inconvenience her, and Valentino just likes to prod Vox into getting angrier further.

- He just cannot work out what your motivations are at all. Is it truly that you just want to piss him off? He doesn't understand why someone with such clear skills would simply use them to taunt him and leave him messages to unveil as he undoes whatever you do.

- It vexes him even farther when these messages from you that you leave for him to decode start to sound borderline flirtatious, which makes him feel all the more humiliated.

- He is a grown demon, skilled businessman and entrepreneur, an overlord, and yet you insist upon calling him things like Box, Boxbabe, Boxbitch, and even babygirl of all things for some goddamn reason.

- The back and forth goes on for months, and 'U' quickly becomes a long lasting meme, several people, much to Vox's horror, shipping you two together and even partaking in ship wars as to whether Vox x 'U' is better then Vox x Val.

- Theres one day where Vox quickly puts his phone down after reading a rather concerning expert from what is certainly explicit fanfiction between the two of you, even him deciding that that's enough internet for today while just sitting staring off into space silently for a solid 10 seconds.

- Vox's sleepless nights pouring over his code to try and keep out your attacks, him glitching out whenever he finds infuriating messages left by you, etc. Begin to become routine and he just anticipates the consistent blows to his pride you give him at every turn.

- A weird, unconscious part of him deep down begins to enjoy your rivalry, almost wanting to see what punches you pull out next to disarm his constant losing battle to keep you out, but it gets squashed down the second he becomes aware of it.

- The rivalry is always at arms length, but sometimes he has to stop himself from replying with the same vaguely flirtatious tone you take on whenever he experiences a small win against you.

- He fights to make sure he doesn't have any potential of getting too into it.

- Things take a different turn, though, with the double blow of Alastor coming back and his on-off relationship with Valentino once again going up in flames.

- After stopping his usual monitoring of all things going on in hell online and in real life as picked up by his cameras, he presses his face into his hands with a long, exhausted groan as he fights crying.

- All the people he was actually interested in were as unrequited as per usual. He always tried so hard with Alastor, but as always, he never got anything but met with the clear reminder they would never be anything more.

- And, of course, any potential of anything more happening with Val was completely off the table. It would be stupid to even think about anything real with him.

- He shut his eyes, putting his screen on the desk in front of him.

- Was he just not worth it? Was that it?

- He startled when he heard the familiar crackle of the speakers coming to life around him. It was rare he ever heard your voice coming through his speakers, you usually preferring to just leave messages, however you decided to surprise him tonight apparently.

- Your blurred out face appears on the screens, only showing the lower half of your grinning face.

- "Oh Boooooxybooooy! I found some world-shattering cringey shit you did 2 months back, i-" You begin singing out, before stopping, seeing by his expression.

- Vox was trembling, looking as if he was about fall apart at any second. His monitor was dulled, red eyes half lidded with pixelated bags forming under them, his bottom lip slightly quivering around his sharp teeth.

- "What the- fuck- ....are you alright?" You asked unsurely.

- Vox finally snapped out of it, realising that you were here witnessing him in a way that was very much not something he wanted you of all people to see him in. His mask slid back on, but it was hardly convincing.

- "Of course it is. What the fuck do you wa-ant. I've got shit to do." He inwardly cursed as his voice glitched slightly. God fucking dammit why did you have to show up.

- He watched your lips on your mostly blurred out face slightly curl as you hummed, clearly not buying it.

- "You wanna stop with the lying bullshit and tell me the truth, Boxhead?" You somewhat chided him, your hand coming into sight as you leaned your cheek onto it. Vox let out a growling sound, going to spit some vitriol at you, but was cut off as you absentmindedly made your next comment.

"Felt you once again have a fit about the radio demon going online. Lights in my house and the houses out my windows started flashing and shit. Is it hi-" your brows shot up and eyes widened, this hidden behind the censorship as you watched Vox, leader of the Vees, your rival, let out a shuddering breath and actually start crying comically pixilated tears right before your eyes.

- Vox's claws gripped into his desk as he grit his teeth as he let out a gasping breath he fought to stifle. He was so goddamn exhausted that he just couldn't be assed to keep it all up anymore. It wasn't like you hadn't seen rather unsavoury things he'd been trying to hide anyways.

- "No shit it's about Alastor. It's always about him. Does it get you off knowing I can't get with the guy I have always wanted no matter how hard I try? There. Are you fucking happy now?" His voice cracks as he snarls the words out at you.

- You let out a long humming sound, as if thinking. "I mean, not really. I'd only be happy if you were this upset over me, not some old hazbin radio announcer who fell off years ago." You shrug with a slightly sad smile.

- Vox squinted at you, confused.

- "I mean, come on, I'm your rival too. Why neglect me so much in all this?" You press your bottom lip out in mock sadness, tone mocking again. Your words are true despite the joking tone however, it did bother you that he always seemed so much more ready to go running after the most obviously aroace man you think you had seen in your entire fucking life.

- Vox couldn't believe what he was hearing, hot embarrassment caused his monitor to start heating up a bit, painting animated flush over his cheeks. "Oh, stop taking the piss, U. Fuck off." He scoffed, rolling his eyes, looking to the side in irritation.

- You chuckle at him, shaking your head and causing the thing blurring your face to shake with it. "Is it really that hard to believe I'm into what we have going on here?" Your voice is still lined with the usual tone you take on with him, but much less so.

- Vox looks back at your blurred, smiling face incredulously. "Yes." He growled, blinking his tears away as he regained his composure a bit.

- You sigh heavily, rolling your eyes. "Ooookay, well, once you're done riding the coattails of a man who will never want you, come hit me up, Boxhead." You say through smiling lips, before abruptly pressing 'hang up' on the call so he didn't have time to actually respond.

- Vox sat in bewildered silence, not able to react properly as his brain felt as if it was working on low resolution comprehending what you just said.

- His face heated up the more he thought about it, heart beginning to hammer in his chest as he laughed in disbelief. No way. No fucking way.

- But you had said it.

- Despite his usual pessimistic nature, he allowed himself to actually believe it, chuckling.

- He looked over to his phone as a notification sound rang out to see a photo of himself presumably just now; flustered, eyes wide in disbelief and unfocused while staring off into space, a crooked grin on his face.

- It was captioned as follows; 'POV: local pathetic radio simp finds out other rival actually wants him'

- "FUCK." He yelled out in embarrassment, knocking out several of his monitors with a surge of electricity.

I loved writing this sm omfggg.

There's definitely part 2 potential to this one, but it would have to be in a while w all the other stuff I'm gonna get to first.

Masterlist

[prince-liest]

Random thoughts about Alastor and relationships (and how he's not allergic to them):

I frequently see Alastor being portrayed as someone who's entirely allergic to feelings and caring about people and his relationships with them (and subsequently has to be dragged into admitting his feelings like a wet, yowling cat), but I feel like while he probably absolutely has those tendencies, that's often not actually really the case with him, at least not across the board.

His little solo in the song of the finale IS pretty much him having a breakdown about being seen as someone who sacrificed his life out of altruistic love for his friends, but prior to that he freely admits being incredibly fond of Mimzy, Rosie, and Niffty, and then even on the balcony scene where he's standing separated from everyone…he's not saying it to their faces, but he admits both to himself and to Niffty that he's becoming fond of the inhabitants of the hotel, too! Which shows to me that not only is he willing to acknowledge that fondness at least to himself, but also that even though he does a lot of hiding of his feelings and intentions, there are still a couple of people (Niffty and Rosie) that he's comfortable opening up to.

It's not until that fondness puts him into unexpected mortal danger that he loses it, and I think it's a broken mirror of his relationship with Mimzy. He expected to be able to do whatever he wanted in his protective role as the Big Bad Radio Demon (TM) without that kind of consequence, and his freak-out is partly about how close he's grown to the hotel-goers that he ended up putting himself in danger for them, but also the fact that he was able to be endangered at all. Half of his solo is about the fact that his power is restricted and how he can't wait to get it back, after all.

Anyway, I hope that we get more insight into everyone's relationships next season (hopefully with more episodes!) but I'm particularly interested in Alastor's relationships with Charlie and Husk.

[hype-blue-fixation]

I'm pretty sure nobody asked for this, but have Lucifer being a comfort to Alastor through an emotional breakdown :>

While this did start as a vent project, I'm genuinely proud of how it turned out and it was really comforting to make. Hopefully you all can enjoy it too.

Fun fact: The Beautiful Boy song is the song that my QPP sings to me as a lullaby so I thought it'd be a nice little personal touch.

I really got carried away with it oopsie

[christinebloodwrittings]

To hunt or be hunted #8

Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader x Lucifer Summary: The revelation that pulled off bits of your armor. Warnings: Song fic, violence, mental breakdown.

Hazbin Taglist: @sakuraluna2468 @boogiemansbitch @mysterypotatoink @sibsteria @cherry-cola-100 @readergirlstuff @phoenixica24 @martinys-world @alientee @jellyroom2 @jewelsrules @ladyzaunis @zealousllamawolf @kittycat246 @shamblezzz

(Picture belongs to Vivzie) (I’ll Never Smile Again, by Tommy Dorsey)

After taking a deep breath, you opened the duffle bag. A brown leather bag containing the clothes you died in, a man’s hunting attire you borrowed from a dead man, and your axe. You smiled, remembering when Charlie tried to lift it, the metal of the blade being far too heavy to carry, even with both her hands.

In yours it weighed a lot, but that gave you always the necessary momentum to cut a skull in half.

For this event, you would have to look like the Axe-man, for that you used the black corset, had a plaque of angelic steal embedded under the fabric. On top of the white dress shirt, your brown vest and long black coat. On one thigh you strapped your dagger and on the other a small pistol, both covered by the long brown skirt that matched your vest.

As you made your was back to the parlor, your serious aura called the attention of the members in the room, “Someone’s gonna die” Angel partially joked, essentially because your pupils weren’t dilated and you looked armed to the teeth.

“Oh darling, now that is how we kill in style” Alastor brought your eyes to him by directing your face with a finger under your jaw.

“Hopefully we won’t have to, but it doesn’t hurt to be ready” You noticed Alastor’s bow tie was slightly out of place, so you took it upon yourself to pull him to lean a little, undo it, and tie it to perfection all over again. He had left his tie crooked on purpose so you would fix it.

“Uuh, smiles got a date” Angel winked at you, “This will be more fun than a that, won’t it, Alastor?” he put his hand on your shoulder smiling sweetly, “Indeed chérie”, maybe you’ll admit to him that you adore the way he speaks French to you, one day.  

“Be careful, with whatever you guys do” Charlie felt some of your pain, it would weight on her far too much if she did entirely. The thought of not seeing you again hunted her as the months got by, would never say that directly to you.

“We will princess, don’t fret, I would never risk an asset as priceless as our dear chef” he made you laugh, “Asset?” you playfully hit his side, “I mean it in the best of ways, sweetheart” in a way to fix his dumb joke, he took your hand and kiss your palm.

“Going out?” Lucifer walked down the stairs, you noticed he was fresh out of the shower, given hoy fluffy his hair looked, oh how you wanted to pat his head. “Y/n and I will be addressing a loose end, nothing that your royal highness should worry about” you rolled your eyes at the bitterness in the words ‘your royal highness’ coming from Alastor.

“Just visiting some mobsters, we will be back soon, my lord” he frowned, but he smiled through his discomfort. “Can I go? Maybe I can be of assistance, no one would be stupid enough to cross me” He tugged at the lapels of his jacket with pride, winking at you with a sly smile, ‘Would it offend him if I say no because I want to command respect for being me?’ you thought.

You ended up feeling guilty for even thinking that, so you just caressed his cheek, “Maybe next time?” he nodded into your hand, then repeated “Next time”.

“Shall we, my dear?” Alastor’s voice behind you reminded you, “Right, don’t wait up, okay?” Lucifer took your hand before it leaved his skin, “Be safe” he kissed your knuckles, “We will, I promise” the little king enjoyed to no end the angry face Alastor made when he smiled into your hand during the small kiss.

Alastor didn’t moved around town in conventional ways on his day to day, but for that occasion he got a sweet deal on a red and black Model T Ford, to take you with style to the meeting. “Al, sweetie” At some moment you just couldn’t hold your laughter, “Yes chérie?” his prideful face made your laugh worse.

“I love the intention, but it’s a shit car” you felt the need to caress his arm, but given the early morning activities, you decided to give him some space. “No it’s not” he opened the door for you, as the lovely gentleman he is, “Sugar, even if they made the pieces down here, which they don’t, it’s a shit design, you got scammed” he made a few old timey showbiz laughs as he materialized inside the car.

“You forget I’m the Radio Demon” he put in the key, the engine sounded like a rooster with asthma, something must have gotten stuck between the spark plugs because the hood popped and smoke clouded the windshield.

“DON’T you say it” he warned, annoyed when he heard your mocking laughter, “I told you” he was not having it, “Want me to fix this?” he groaned. He saw you tinkering the engine for a few minutes, then come back inside the car. He tried the key one more time, when it ignited, the purr the car made was similar to a Lamborghini’s.

“I learned that in a convent” he was flabbergasted, “I even fought a nun; I was such a rebel, hit her with what I thought it was a crucifix, turned out to be a satanic church” he chuckled, not saying a word because he still couldn’t believe what just happened.

“Ha! Now that I remember, Lucifer would faint if he saw how they portrait him” you looked into the glove box finding a pair of sunglasses, “Boy you do not wanna know how high I flew out though a stained glass” you stopped talking seeing his eyes shining, “What?” he chuckled, “You keep on amazing me” how you blushed made his heart sing.

Standing on the sidewalk in front of the building, you were out of breath for a second. “Nervous?” Alastor took your hand, helping you to regain some composure, “Either that or my corset is too tight” that too, but mostly nervous. “Just breathe darling” easy for him to say, “I haven’t done anything like this in thirty years” he pulled on your hand, hugged your whole body with a good loving squeeze and a twirl. “You’ll be great darling, just be your adorably deadly self” if you had your soul you would feel it swoon, “Thank you for supporting me on this” after a little kiss on your cheek he hooked your arm with his heading for the door.  

“I will be out here if you need me” You appreciated his gesture, it was clear that he believed in your abilities and your strength, but that he would be there for you if you needed backup. Well if that didn’t made you confident, nothing will.

“Miss Axe-man! Wha-what-” one mobster shark shook in his seat after you kicked the door open, “Tony Redstone, my name is Y/n Lionheart” The office, a long room with a table of the same length in the center, mobsters of every caliber you can imagine sitting along it. At the end, in a leather chair, a man, a big man with a mustache so Italian that it said mamma mía by itself.

“The Axe-man of Louisiana” some of the men whispered, air caught in their throats as they processed the facts. “I gotta say kid, you got some nerve to stand here today alone” the raspy voice of Tony made it to your seat at the other end, “You sure have some nerve to receive me without a single pint or jazz playin’” one mobster ran to the cd player, making sure Miles Davis played in the background.

“I thought the murderer was a well, a man” laughed one before your axe went swiftly though his head and back to your hand, “Let’s get down to business, why are ya’ here for?” he played no mind to his comrade’s death, it made you laugh a bit.

“Does James Alden ring a bell?” his name on your tongue was like acid, “How could I forget? Poor fucker sold his own daughter to pay off his debt, what about him?” the spell you put around you was growing weary, the one that hides the corruption away.

“This is more about the child” now that raised suspicion, “What did you do with her?” there was some laughs at the table, “What is it to ya’?” asked one, “You’re exhausting my patience” you whispered as the multiple man started to question your intentions and seriousness.

“Look, it’s none of your business whore, now get outta ‘ere” you took a deep breath, “This will be the last time I ask politely” you never bothered to sit down, however that was the moment you did, making the chair squeak against the floor as you dragged it back enough to sit, “What did you do with my daughter?”.

“Alden married the Axe-man? Lucky bastard” again with the whispering, you lost a nerve, threw the axe around again, killing two more, “What did you do with my daughter?”. “YOU CRAZY BITCH!” yelled the next one to die, “What did you do to her? She was innocent, just a babe!” your voice started to pick up some volume.

“I wanted to raise her as my own, but my wife, she drowned her in the river” Tony blatantly said, ever so calmly.

As the sounds of breaking bones, screams and violence escalated, Alastor put the newspaper he was reading aside, regretting having done so when he opened the door to the room.

A chimera, or at least it seemed like one, had its horns destroyed, the tail of a normal lion instead of a snake, and the goat that should have been the second head did not exist. The noise that the creature's hooves made as it destroyed everything inside the office made goosebumps into his skin.

When the bat wings moved, Alastor had a clear view of your completely red eyes, completely animalistic face, a lion in all your glory, your roar silenced the static of his shivers.

That was the monster that terrified both Louisiana and hell before his arrival.

“I tried to stop her, I swear to god” you stomped on Tony’s legs again, “I TOLD YOU, I TRIED!” he screamed, making you smile, “What kind of monster accepts children as payment? I HELD HER ONCE, ONCE!” one last roar that pulverized his whole body.

“Al…Alastor” your distorted voice address to him, “I’m right here” he managed to say without choking on his own voice. Your body decreased in size as you approached him, breaking one or another skull that was on the ground, “Let’s go”, he nodded, following you to the street.  

Neither of you said anything in the 15 minutes since Alastor started the car, driving around the city without necessarily getting anywhere. With his gaze he examined your body but everything was so perfectly covered, he didn't know whether to ask you if you were hurt or if you needed something, or what was going through your mind.

So he decided to drive towards Cannibal Town.

You didn't argue with him, when he parked the car and opened the door for you, offering his arm at the same time, you took it and walked together through the town.

“Would you like to eat something dear?” you shook you head, “I’m losing my mind” “I know a place that serves the best venison in hell, maybe just a bite, you didn’t touched your breakfast this morning”

“I held her once, Alastor, I’ll never get that back” your eyes tung, briefly the tears rolled down your cheeks, "I thought I could get fixed, with this the last piece of my fucking puzzle, to maybe die with some peace, yo know?" He opened his mouth to ask what were you talking about, but you didn't let him.

"But I felt nothing, just anger and emptiness, my daughter didn’t even had a chance at life, how is she going to answer for herself in purgatory with three days of being born?!" You let his arm go, to hug yourself, "Or maybe they waited a bit before they drown her, who the fuck knows?" He noticed your knuckles had gone white and your claws were sinking into your arms.

"Why God? Why! She was innocent, at least give me a sign she's there with you" you yelled to the sky, your vision clouded with tears.

"Why, if I tie everything together? I have tasted every drug ever created, met all the celebrities I wanted, had my fill of every kind of demon in hell, and I'm still missing something!" In a moment your fist made it to a wall, making a big hole where your fist landed and lots of cracks.

"I will die and I'm still...looking for something I have no idea what is" broken sobbing mess, that's one way to put your mind in, with cannibals looking at you like you had gone insane and Alastor not knowing what to do.

He made himself appear in front of you, offering his hand to you. Looking up to his unreadable face, you took his hand.

You were going to die? He thought, that sentence alone took something alive that grew next to his heart and rip it apart, how? Why? Was it related to your deal to the princess? If yes could he ask the princess to change it? To make it void? What could drive you to kill yourself if it didn’t?

He continued walking, he attempted to go to the gardens, but then had a better idea.

The shadows surrounded you and Alastor, movement seemed to pass through you, but when everything stopped and your feet hit the ground again, you were deep into what it looked like a swamp.

Alastor's bayou.

"Alastor?" you called for him, his hand was still in yours, but he didn’t faced you. "Is it your choice, to end your life?" no answer, just a nod on your part, "Why?" in simple words, "I can’t bear the pain anymore" he finally put two and two together, "Is that why you didn't wanted to talk to me? To be alone with me?" he carried pain on the word alone, "I didn't wanted to hurt you, and as of this morning I went a little selfish there".

"Y/n" he didn’t knew what to say, how could someone How could he help a suicidal person, when he’s brings death to others? "I gave a lot of thought to find a reason to live, after a while it became senseless" he turned around to see you, "Well I don't mean to be that kind of person, but...how about me?" his free hand made your skin melt, "You don't know what you're asking for".

"Or maybe you underestimate my understanding" despite his adorable face, you had heard that before, "Here we go again, don't try to tell me that suddenly you love me or anything" your laugh only made him scoff.

"Would it be too hard to believe? I do not love you as a fact, I have never felt such a thing except for...my mother" hugging him was the perfect move after mentioning his mother, even knowing how much Alastor appreciates her, even in death.

"Nonetheless, I enjoy being with you, being under your culinary care all these time" not that he knew who cooked, but he always thought it was specially made, "You would eat nothing but rotten meat if I didn't" he lowered to your ear, "I also don't sleep much, so there were a few moments in which I saw you turning my radio studio off and place a blanket over my shoulders" the way he felt you tensed up made him laugh.

"I just… I care too much" he circled your waist, "And this morning, was that just caring too much?" he really needed an answer, as to not regret it. "I told you; I was selfish...I just wanted to feel-" he interrupted you, his breath hitting your lips, "Loved" you went forward, pecking his lips, "Like someone cared for...me".

His staff made a static noise, then music played, the melody brought you a longing feeling, of a time when you waited patiently for his segment at the radio.

“I'll never smile again, until I smile at you” he begin singing, “I'll never laugh again, what good would it do?” he twirled you around, your back then pulled against his chest, “For tears would fill my eyes, my heart would realize, that our romance is through” his voice had moments without his static, sending a thrill down your spine.

“I'll never feel again, I'm so in sync with you” you followed the next line, his cheeks blushing as you did, “I'll never thrill again, to somebody new” he sang, placing a kiss to your temple, “Within my heart, I know I will never start” he turned you around waltzing you around “To smile again, until I smile at you”.

“Within my heart, I know I will never start, to smile again” your voices harmonized, “Until I smile at you” he joined his forehead with yours, “Until I smile at you” then he kissed you, the music turning into soft jazz.

"I hope I laid my intentions properly" he whispered against your lips, "Are you still staying with the king?" Due to his aversion to contact, he didn't really mind you having the extra attention, what did sting his pride was if he tried to win you over.

"I made him a promise so, yes" he hummed, "Is that wrong?" he shook his head, "How about we see to lunch? We can go out or I can cook for you" his alluring tone made you want to strip him, "It's almost dinner time, we might as well cook something for everyone, don't you think?" cooking with you? His tail almost broke a hole into his pants due to all the wagging, "Unless you don't want to" he chuckled, "Lead the way" he placed a kiss on your neck, night on where he bit earlier.

"You're testing my respect for your boundaries sir" he looked at you almost innocently, "Am I? I haven't noticed" you hit him gently on his arm, "Whatever you say, radio love".

-----------------------

Part 9.

Stay tuned ;3

[hheckk]

Deep Dive into Alastor's Situation

So we all remember this bit in Finale, where Alastor has a breakdown about his situation and deal correct? He wants to find a loophole so he can be back in control.

I've seen a lot of theories regarding how Alastor is feeling in this moment and what his deal could involve, but thus far they've all sort of missed something crucial. Alastor's power.

Alastor is highly disturbed by the fact that he almost died, let alone dying to protect people. He is freaked out that the deal has made him do this, whether as part of the deal itself or as a means to get back some semblance of control he had before the deal was struck.

Either way, based on what he says in this moment about wanting to find a loophole in order to unclip his wings

: "The constraints of my deal surely have a back door. Once I figure out how to unclip my wings, guess who will be pulling all the strings"

We can hazard a guess and say that this deal, despite us initially believing gave him power, has probably actually taken it away. Having one's wings clipped usually entails that someone is on a leash and cannot fully extend themselves.

This means that Alastor, as well as being forced into helping the hotel, has had his power taken away.

Now I do not say this lightly, I also think that this is the case because of Alastor's fight with Adam.

We all know Alastor likes to be in control, and in order to be in control, one must not overestimate another without the possibility of the loss of that control. Now, you could say that is exactly what happened in his fight with Adam, but that wouldn't necessarily warrant the reaction toward his deal the way he does in the song. If that were the case, Alastor would likely be more angry at himself than be panicked about his deal.

Therefore, we can guess that Alastor did not overestimate Adam, but rather himself. This means that at some point, he quite possibly did have the power to take out an angel but does not anymore. The fact that he is so surprised that Adam broke his mic that we can hear his true voice means that he expected to be able to block that attack.

This all comes back to the idea that Alastor has lost power through whatever deal he made. Which in turn makes us ask the question:

What did Alastor get in return?

If he lost enough power to the point he thought he could beat Adam and couldn't, what did he want so badly that he felt the need to sell his soul and power away?

I have no idea

BUT, I have thoughts.

I have seen theories saying that perhaps Alastor made this deal while he was alive, and he sold his soul to gain power while living. This, while possible, doesn't necessarily match up with what we know about his character.

Alastor is conniving. He's brilliant. He's a serial killer. He knows and understands nuance like the back of his hand. With how much time he spent in hell (he died in the 30s and according to the wiki, Katie Killjoy died in 1992 ((Helluva Boss also takes place in the 21st century but we don't know yet if Helluva Boss is canon to Amazon's Hazbin Hotel)) Alastor would have had ample time to figure out loopholes in his deal.

No, his deal definitely happened at some point during his seven-year absence, likely near the end for the same reason as the previous. Which, again, all connects back to Lillith, which means our likely culprit for this deal is Lillith OR the person responsible for Lillith's disappearance if not Lillith herself.

This all brings us back to two questions:

What deal did Alastor make?

What did he gain from it?

[callmerainman]

Okay, I watched the Hazbin Hotel finale.

So, before starting a full length fanfiction about the Alastor scenarios and headcanons I wrote I wanted to at least wait for season 1 to end to get more clarity about Alastor.

BUT HE ENDED UP BEING EVEN MORE AMBIGUOUS.

Like, we still don't know the kind of contract he's under. His intentions are still unclear. Even his breakdown during the final song is weird. Is he going insane because he was almost killed, because he's too desperate to be free, or because he almost sacrificed himself for others. DOES HE CARE?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Look, I get that fully corrupt villains are cool and intriguing. But I yearn for villains who redeem themselves because they start caring. I don't expect him to ascend to Heaven of course but aaagggh at least see him show genuine care for once. He's still so beautifully written tho.

I don't know where a fanfiction could go with canon premises (I love following canon) but...maybe I can do my own thing.

[dearest-painter]

Time for a little angst. With all the pressure of being the eldest child of Lucifer and hair to the throne Morningstar!Reader doesn’t really let there own feelings show. They always smile to come off as in control(literally taking Alastor’s advice) but I feel like they’d have a breaking point and just breakdown in private. Lucifer finds them and Suddenly there that little kid again clinging to there dad for comfort. You can’t tell me Lucifer won’t wrap his wings around them and gently sing to them. Morningstar!Reader is so close with there dad that they always go to him for reassurance and comfort.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3aprTB/

^defiantly the song he’ll sing.(May this please be a one shot? Even if it’s short? If not that’s ok I really enjoy your work!)

TW/CW:Yandere behavior, unhealthy behavior, unhealthy relationship,abusive behavior,abusive relationship, pretty fluffy and not Yandere but still Yandere AU, IM SO PROJECTING BECAUSE I NEED SOME FATHER FIGURE TO REPLACE MY BIO BIYCH ASS ONE!!, also very shitty attempts of me changing the lyrics, tell me if I need to add more

Summary: Don’t worry little one, dad has arrived finally :)

Y/N morningstar, eldest child of Lucifer and Lilith, the heir to hell if both parents die. That is what you are, that’s who you are. You are perfect. You have to be perfect. There is nothing you can do to change it, that’s what you have to be. Laying in front of the fireplace, you finally stopped smiling and started to cry. You were sobbing into your favorite stuffed animal while your fluffy blanket was wrapped around you.

You act like a child when you know your completely safe and alone so you could be free yet this is the first time you’ve ever sobbed, not even when you’d get upset during your little…days where you’ll act like a kid you only sniffle and let out a fear tears before stopping. You were sobbing, you didn’t hear the door open.

Lucifer’s eyes widened when he saw you sobbing. He rushed over to you and hugged you. He softly shushed you while you sob into his chest. “Shh” he softly said. You were his little baby right now, not the eldest child, you were a little boy/girl/kid who needed their dad desperately. He knew this. He sat down as he brought you closer to him and rubbed your back.

“Hush little baby don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be alright. I know mommy’s not here right now and we don’t know why. I promise mommy’s gonna be alright. If you ask me then I’ll buy you a mockingbird and buy a Diamond ring for you. If the mockingbird doesn’t sing and if the ring doesn’t shy, imma go back to the jewelry and make them pay me back so you’ll get what you want” he softly sung. You were sniffling now.

“…you suck at singing dad” you mumbled as you chuckled as he dramatically gasped. He was happy you weren’t crying anymore so he’ll take it. “I sing wonderfully!” He replied back as you shook your head in a ‘no’ gesture while you giggled.

[starlighz]

So the reveal that Lilith is in Heaven got me wondering.

The theory that Alastor made a deal with Lilith was spawned because they both had been absent for seven years.

If that is correct, this would make at least two people Lilith made deals with, because Lute also made one with her.

When Zestial explains that they thought Alastor had died his response was "I just took a well earned sabbatical".

But when Zestial asks why he would do something as foolish as helping the hotel? "That is for me to know".

Interesting.

Let's have a look at the pilot when he explained why he wants to help:

"I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane. Lacking focus. Aimless."

He says it is because of boredom. But to me it reads that doing the same thing over and over has become too predictable and he wants to find new ways to install fear.

This doesn't mean he is making deals left and right, no. He COULD, yes. But this won't benefit him for his ultimate goal, whatever this might be. When Rosie suggested that he'd make deals in that territory, he declines, doesn't even seem interested in the slightest.

His goal is extremely hard to read. Because one hand, a deal must be beneficial for both parties in some way, otherwise you wouldn't enter one.

He made a deal with Vaggie to help with the commercial on the condition that he wouldn't have to interact with television technology ever again. He would have entered a deal with Charlie that he'd help with the hotel, just that there'd be no magic voodoo strings attached.

When he does make a deal with Charlie, it is information in exchange for a favour, not her soul. Charlie definitely will have a play in his plan. He could have had her soul, but he just wanted that favour, at his time of choosing. He wants to guide her, but not for selfless reasons and definitely not for her sake. He wanted to make a deal with her as soon as possible, so that they'd had a contract.

Whatever his deal was probably didn't involve more power, because in the final song The Show Must Go On, part of his breakdown included that he isn't free, he wants to unclip his wings. And he almost died because of it.

What makes me wondering is: How does Husk know that Alastor himself is bound to someone? Is it because of physical characteristics like some people theorized? Or is it because his behaviour changed?

And what is Lute's whole deal? She said "Your deal is done and I am in charge now"