#All while farting and scratching my ass

[megaaggron]

overcame social anxiety long ago Now how do i overcome being socially unhinged

[dansformations]

"My brother's stench"

Tags: Possesion, gay to straight, fart/burpkink.

Rewrite by me.

⬆️ (The couple before the possesion)

"Bro, please wash my boyfriend's body. I'm begging you."

My brother had always been skinny. So when he saw my boyfriend's big, beefy body, he was jealous. He was so jealous that he decided to cast a spell on him and possess him.

So now I am forced to live with that idiot inside my boyfriend's body. He's acting all gross, doing things my boyfriend would never do; He's flexing my boyfriend's muscles With that damn cocky attitude and downing beers by the dozen. All he does is scratch his smelly balls and watch football all day. It's gross to see my boyfriend acting so... straight.

"Sure, bro... Eventualy." He scrawled his ass and smelled his hand. "This still smells like spring." I watch him with disgust while he says, "For real, take a whiff," trying to put his hand on my nose, i yell and fight his hand.

"Fuck you!" I was full of rage. But his only response was

"Look, some spring breeze." Then he lifts a leg and lets out a big, loud, smelly fart.

PPPPRRRRRRRRRRRFFFT

"What the fuck!" I said, covering my nose, "That's the grossest fart I have ever smelled."

"Thank you," he said while laughing with my boyfriend's cute laugh, but in a lower, dumber tone.

He takes pleasure in my disgust. I just know it. Sometimes I try to not show it; maybe that way he will stop doing it, but he just finds the way.

The other day, at breakfast, I said nothing when he talked while eating or when he farted in the middle of the meal just to laugh and keep eating. I thought that was enough for him to stop trying, but when he finished his gross breakfast - just cold pizza from the fridge and beer- he smiled, took me with my boyfriend's arms and pushed me up against the wall just to let out a deep burp

"OOOOOUUURRRP!" and then blew the fowl stench into my face.

When he watches sports on TV, he will lift his butt to one side, laugh, and yell "Protein fart!" With that damn dumb voice as he lets out a long, groaning, hot stench that makes my eyes water. He's turned my sweet boyfriend into a disgusting monster.

With each day that passes, I'm scared that I'm never going to get my real boyfriend back. I don't want to live with my big, smelly, oaf of a brother anymore.

Today I arrived at the apartment, and I saw a girl leaving the place. "Oh no, he didn't..." I open the door just to see my boyfriend's body getting dressed.

"DID YOU JUST FUCK A GIRL IN MY BOYFRIEND BO-" he interrupts me.

"I can't believe he used this to fuck," he says while slapping his buttcheeks. "Instead of this,"  he says, touching his bulge.

"I swear to God, if you don't give my boyfriend his body back, I'm going to kill your real body," I said to my brother.

"Do it. That way, I'm staying here forever," he says while looking at 'his' muscles in the mirror. "Wouldn' complain"

"AHHHHHHH," I just scream, not realizing there were even tears coming from my eyes. "Why don't you just leave me alone? If you are staying with my boyfriend's body, do it; I give up, but just not in front of me. Leave."

He looks at me a bit concerned for the first Time since he stole my boyfriends Body.

"Ok, let's make a deal," he says. "I will give your boyfriend's body back." My eyes get illuminated. Just for a second, then he says "But if you lend your body to my buddy Logan, he doesn't have a place to stay; when he does, he's moving to his body and to his apartment, and so I am; we are going to be roomies."

"No way I am letting your gross friend take over my body!" I told him, terrified.

"I thought you wanted your boyfriend back."

"I do! But-"

But he interrupts me.

"Thats the only deal I'm making, Lil Bro." 

...

"Bro-UAAARRRRP," says Logan in my body between burps "I can't get over how good your broski body is. There were bunches of girls looking at me today!, Well... maybe also cause I was farting in public, but you know how those protein farts are."

"I know, and can you believe they were wasting those bodies fucking each other?" My brother says, and Is so morbid to see my boyfriend body saying It.

"What a bunch of losers." Logan says, I say.

This has been a hell, just a week since my brother's friend, Logan, took over my body, and I have been able to see, hear, smell, hear, and feel everything Logan does, but not control anything. I'm like a parasite in my own body.

I feel my terrible stench but can't make my body go to take a shower, and it seems like Logan Is on the way for a third day without one. I can feel his gas on comand everytime they do their 'protein farts contest' and I cant do anything besides lifting a leg to liberate all that stench.

"But we are not losers, Bro," my brother says. "Why don't we call some girls to have a great night?"

Oh no. Oh no. I can feel all that Logan feels in my body. He cant be with a woman. I try to scream, to yell to say no. But when Logan opened our mouth, the only thing that came out was: "OUUAAAAAAAARRP," a loud, smelly burp. "Hell yeah, Bro."

"Also," Logan keeps talking as he and my brother pose together—in mine and my boyfriend's bodies—for a picture for a Tinder profile. "Shouldn't we start to look for our apartment?"

"Sure, bro... we will, eventualy," he says, looking straight into my body's eye, and I just know he's talking not to Logan but to me.

________________

Hope you enjoyed.

This Is a longer version, re imaginated by me of one of my favorite transformation caption ever:

[pumpkingas]

Also dilf farts can we talk about dilf farts??? The fact your stomach gets more sensitive with age, the amount of scenarios available, the way it's not uncommon at all to hear your dad's friend fart, or your boss fart, or your neighbor fart etc etc. walking outside to get the mail wearing nothing but a robe and running on nothing but coffee and eggs. He hasn't showered yet because the wife always needs to use it first. I wanna catch him lifting his robe up to scratch his hairy ass while ripping wet farts against his fingers, I want him to lazily check over his shoulders before spreading his cheeks a little to get a stubborn fart out, and he just so happens to miss me standing outside preparing for my morning jog. I want to see him later, fully dressed, fresh and clean, giving me a neighbourly wave as I get home from work, I want to never be able to see him the same way.

[fartlovingblkguy69]

Aromatherapy (Continuing a Story from Nifty.org)

A link to the story I'm continuing: https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/urination/aromatherapy

Part 1

I waited 10 minutes before leaving. I was shaking with anticipation. i had never been so excited in my whole life. He was already pulled around waiting in a 2018 GMC Sierra Crew Cab. "Get in. This isn't a free ride by the way. You can either give me gas money or get down there and sniff my gas. It's a 30 minute drive, maybe longer since it's about to be rush hour. Your choice". There wasn't even a question. I quickly climbed in the passenger side and laid down while he rose up and lowered his basketball shorts. He was wearing stained gray boxer briefs with a wet stain on the back and a big golden brown streak going up the crack. They smelled like a sweaty toilet seat. He quickly sat down and ground his fat ass around my face until my nose was right in the middle of his crack. He reached back, spreading his cheeks and pressing down until my nose was pushing the dirty undies into his hole and his ass enveloped my face. "Ah, that's it. Your nose feels great in my nasty hole. I'm still sweaty from that sauna and I just took the most massive shit so your nose is going to have to scratch that itch." He ground his ass on my face some more as we pulled out of the parking lot. We stopped at every red light on the way to the highway. It took 45 minutes to get to his place. I could smell the fresh shit around his hairy hole and he kept letting out the worst SBDs the whole way laughing each time and rubbing it in on my nose. Finally we got there and he pulled up his shorts and got out. I sat up and made my way out as well. The house was huge and there were 3 other vehicles in the driveway, 2 SUVs and another pickup. We made our way inside and he took me straight to the living room. "I'm hungry so I'm going to make myself something to eat. Get down on the floor with your head in that seat over there and I'll be back" pointing to the comfy chair in the corner. I quickly obeyed and was waiting quietly in the dark when suddenly this handsome young man walked in texting on his iPhone Xr. He had on only a jockstrap that was bulging. He looked to be about 25 maybe and he had a perfect amount of muscle, nice arms, legs, firm pecs, with a little bit of a chiseled but bloated belly and a nice happy trail. He launched himself ass first into the chair I had my face waiting in and oh boy was it a nice one. Nice smooth golden cheeks with a very hairy crack that smelled like a long day with several unshowered before it. Once he had sat down he quickly realized there was something under him but instead of getting up he just farted loudly and wetly. PRRRBBBBBBTTTTTT. "Ah. That felt good. I don't smell a thing. Pops must have gotten a new fart cushion. Awesome! Especially after all those burritos had for lunch. The cheese and beans is really fucking my stomach up." He sat on my face for 10 minutes letting let out several sbds and loud wet releases while rubbing his sexy belly and really ground his wet hole into my face before spreading his cheeks to let out a huge shart. SSSSSSRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT. My nose was sprayed with hot air and speckles of shit "Whew that was nasty. Think I felt a little shit come out on that one. Pops will have a fit if I stained his favorite chair! He might even make me his fart cushion again! Definitely don't need that torture!" He shot up and turned around bending down to make sure he hadn't made a mess of the seat. While he did I got to see more of his handsome face. He had a perfect chiseled jaw, beautiful mischievous eyes, and a thin, long nose (think Daniel Croix with green eyes). I licked my lips as he finally got to inspecting me. "Nice. It all went on you huh, cutie? Well plenty more where that came from" He said with a chuckle. He let out a bubbling fart into the air and sniffed. "Damn that's ripe. Why don't you open that pretty mouth for me this time just to be safe. I'll try not to take a dump in it". I shuddered at the thought as I'm not into that at all. He kindly wiped my face off looking down at me with a glint in his eye. I did as he said as he turned around and spread that perfect ass open.

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 29 - Behind the Music

Summary: What happens when Corroded Coffin stars in their first documentary?

Word Count: 986

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Boys Will Be Boys Shenanigans, Humor, tiny bit of angst, FOI references, Dustin Henderson is a little shit, semi-related to my fic Best Spring Break Ever

Note: OH GOD, ok I may or may not have taken liberties with this one. Maybe because my friends and I did a dumb ass thing like this when we were teenagers fucking around with a video camera. JUST...it's gonna be fine guys.

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn’t start on Day 1, you can still join!

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

"Do you guys want to help us with a project for AV Club?"

The entire lunch table stopped their conversing and turned their attention to a nervous Dustin Henderson.

"Oh no," Gareth scoffed. "We're not helping you with another nerd project like we did during Spring Break."

"It's not a nerd project!" Lucas protested.

"If it's for AV it's a nerd project," Dave said matter-of-factly.

“Whatever it is, I’m not driving you guys around again,” Eddie interjected, “the van still smells like old socks and cheese ball farts.”

“Ed, I think that’s just what the van smells like,” Jeff failed to contain his laughter.

“Come on you guys had fun last time,” Mike argued. “And this time you won’t even have to do anything except sit there, look cool, and talk about Corroded Coffin!”

It was like a record scratch, all of the hemming and hawing ceased and, instead, the older boys asked how they could help, all while the freshmen looked like the cat that got the cream.

Turns out the project was another scholarship thing--who knew that they gave out AV Club scholarships--to film some kind of amateur documentary.

They were sure was an easy win before they even filmed a single piece of footage.

"No one else is gonna do one about a garage band," he said confidently. "We just film you guys performing, maybe get some b-roll of you setting things up--"

"Alright," Eddie agreed.

"--and a few interviews where you share your pet peeves and darkest secrets." It was said with the utmost nonchalance.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah," Dustin grinned. "It'll win for sure. Corroded Coffin: The Ups, Downs, and Upside Downs of an Indiana Garage Band. Uh...the title is a work in progress."

It took bribery in the form of Claudia Henderson's Scotcheroo Bars before they finally agreed.

It happened over the course of two weeks; two cameras--one belonging to the Wheelers and one borrowed from the Hawkins High AV department--along with all sorts of equipment were toted all around Hawkins. Claudia even chaperoned them on a Tuesday night so they could get footage at the Hideout.

When all was said and done, and the documentary was ready, they all posted up in the Wheeler's basement with pizza, popcorn, and soda.

The freshmen each gave speeches before starting the projector, laughing along as the older boys heckled them.

"So without further ado," Dustin announced as they took their seats. "Behind the Music."

The video started off with hazy colors and sloppy B-roll, a title card courtesy of Will's artistic talents, and Lucas's narration about the most metal garage band in the state, and then immediately cut to footage of the band performing at the Hideout.

"Shit we look so good!" Gareth got to his feet and clapped immediately, then grabbed Dustin by the shoulders and shook him.

"Quiet, sit down!" The others shoved him so he would get back into his seat.

Over the course of ten minutes, they covered all manner of topics. From how the guys all met, to where they learned how to play, to how they chose their songs.

The basement was tense by the time they reached some more delicate topics; specifically, what the worst part of being in the band was.

"Eddie's a turd burglar," Dave sighed on screen. "Got a real stick up his ass...can I say ass?"

The video then cut to Eddie.

"Nobody listens to me," he whined. "I'm the oldest, the leader. Shit, I've been in the band longer than any of them have. This is my band."

Next was Jeff.

"He said that?" the younger guitarist scoffed. "He's one to talk when he tried to abandon the band and make it on his own a few years ago. Is he the worst member of the band? No, I think that's Gareth. He's our drummer and he can't even stay on tempo! Messes us all up."

It kept going and going, and as they watched each other absolutely lose it on screen, the members of Corroded Coffin all sunk into their seats in shame.

The screen faded to black and it was silent. So silent you could hear a pin drop.

Of course this was the perfect timing for Mike to shovel popcorn into his mouth.

Then soft strumming began; the screen faded into Eddie sitting outside of Hawkins High with his guitar, fiddling with it and then scribbling in his notebook.

"If it's so hard sometimes," narrator Lucas asked via voiceover, "why do you keep doing it?"

Gareth and Jeff entered into the shot from offscreen and Eddie's face went from concentration to joy seeing them. He waved them over and started talking animatedly. Dave was quick to join from another direction, immediately ruffling Gareth's hair as he reached them.

"Because of the music," Eddie answered in the voiceover, and then the scene changed to the shot of him in the drama room where he did his interview. "And because they're my best friends."

The basement suddenly got less tense, and the guys clapped each other on the shoulders.

The shot transitioned to Dave.

"I used to be a loser at my old school," he scoffed. "I had friends but...Corroded Coffin? I feel like I belong in this band. Belong with these guys. I haven't even known them for that long. That's gotta mean something."

Then Jeff had his own words of wisdom.

"I think I wanted to quit one time; when Eddie quit...it was hard, without him. And my dad said if I really wanted to make music work I had to work hard."

The scene switched back to the Hideout, in slow motion, as Jeff continued.

"Nothing good was ever worth it if it wasn't hard work. So yeah it's hard but we keep playing and keep fighting, and then someone farts and we laugh it all off and start over again.

The screen faded to black.

"Together."

[mouthfullofmunson]

More pest-boyfriend!eddie since you guys liked it so much

Steals your food- 24/7, if you’re eating something he will steal a bite from your plate or just take it out of your hand and take a big bite “oh yeah, that’s good”

Drums his hands on your ass if you’re laying on your stomach “that sounds amazing, does it not? I need to show that band that one.”

He gets piss drunk and comes over to your house, somehow ends on on your floor ranting about how much he loves you then starts crying like “your going to leave me :( I don’t want you to leave me. I can’t have another person leave me” and you have to get him food and lots of water so he can sober up a bit before shoving him in the shower all while reassuring him that you love him too and would never leave him as long as you live

And when he wakes up, on your floor, with a migraine he’s like “you shouldn’t have let me drink that much…” when you weren’t even with him when he started drinking

Not a pest kind of thing but refers to you as his “lover” <3

Bites you, because it is his favorite way of giving you affection

Along with noogies

And he loves to throw his dirty clothes at you while he’s changing

Especially throwing his dirty boxers at your face and then be hurt when you think it’s gross

And anytime you’re watching a movie together he has to sit basically on top of you or he’s not comfortable

He either wants you in his lap, or laying your head in his lap, or he wants to have his head on your lap, or cuddled up with his arms around you and your head in his chest

And he is in fact the absolute most obnoxious sleeper

He goes from sleeping in a cute position with him all cuddled on himself to his leg wrapped around you and the other on the floor, his arms slug across his eyes and the other over your face

Or he’s on his belly and he wakes up every five seconds whining about how he’s not comfortable

And if you’re giving him the silent treatment he’s absolutely not having it

He will annoy you until you finally have to yell at him to stop and then he’s like “you love me so much. I know you want to kiss me.”

He would literally do anything from licking your face, begging you to talk to him, to pantsing you

And that will make you even more angry at him, but hey, at least you’re talking to him

And before sex he always has to make jokes about getting you pregnant (even if you can’t get pregnant) just because he LOVESSS to be annoying

And he’s so the type to try to scare you 24/7

Act like he’s sleep just to scream “BAH!” And start crying laughing when you actually get scared

And if you watch a scary movie he does everything in his power to convince you that that specific murder is out to get you

He will scratch your back and he like “OH MY GOD FREDDY IS HERE! BABY HES OUT TO GET YOU!”

And he’s so the type to brag about your sex lives even though he knows it annoys you he likes to see you blush

“Sorry if we’re late, y/n got horny” even though he was definitely the one to initiate it

He’s the type to shove his finger in your nose then in your mouth

And burp as loud as he can and act like it didn’t happen

Or even fart and blame it on you “oh my god get out of my room if you’re going to do that!” And he does it all with a straight face

He also digs in the ground like a little boy so you have to tell him to wash under his nails

And he will go on a smoke break, walk around the trailer park, dig a random hole and find a bird feather or a random piece of junk and be like “here, babe. I got you a gift.”

But that happens anytime you go anywhere

If you go to the park to smoke a joint together he’s going to find a worm to chase you around with

Or those locus shell things

And he tries to put them if your hair and when you run from him and the random slimy insect “baby, no! Come here sweetheart, it’s a gift! C’mon! It can be our pet.”

Forces you to run down to the drug store with him and get snacks any time, weather it’s 1pm, 8am, 2am, he doesn’t care

And he calls you all the time, just to hear your voice and to tell you random things about his day

“Well I accidentally put on a pair of cum filled boxers. Then I dug in that hole again and there was acorns in it, so I looked around and put more acorns in it for the squirrels, then I had to run down and get more cigarettes but they didn’t have the kind I smoke so I had to get another kind and I hate it. I made breakfast for my uncle. Oh, I drank a huge think of dr.pepper and almost puked in my lap after I had this huge burp, i felt it in my chest it was crazy.”

He definitely has his hand in his pants 24/7 and constantly plays with his pubes and when he looks over to see you giving him a dirty look he pulls the waist band of his pants open “you can join if you feel left out”

He loves to moon you idec

“Hey, look”

“What baby?”

You look back to see him holding his pants right under his ass.

And he thinks he’s so funny, you’ll leave the room and come back to him laying on his stomach with just his ass out

“Come on I know you want to slap it”

Okay okay I’ll shut up those are all the thoughts I have tho

Plz lmk what you think :3

:)

[amisalami03]

cave mommy headcanons :D [this is my first time doing this help]

i'm gonna flip the script a little with this one, I think shes way more chill BUT will troll at any time >:)

she walked past pickle and sprayed him for no reason which resulted in a mini brawl , it was swiftly ended when cave shawty picks pickle up and suplexes him, so in celebration she beats her chest then goes to sleep in a nearby tree

she's definitely omnivorous in my book but she will eat meat and acts like a leopard by hiding her game in trees and pissing on those who walk to close to her territory this isn't a piss-kink thing I swear she's literally feral and piss is her prehistoric version of pocket sand

ironically enough though she and pickle are mated but he can not stand her ass sometimes, but she literally doesn't gaf and will lay on top of him (because she can.) and pickle does not seem to mind his woman using him as a mattress he will growl lowly but eventually puts himself to sleep since her warmth, scent and breathing patterns make it impossible to keep him awake lol (also its a sense of familiarity and comfort of her being the only thing he left of the past, so he willingly tolerates it)

because of her retsu's hair has been let down to its full glory and she even gave him a beautiful restyle :3 (lots of stick and shiny rock so cool |:) <- cave mommymoji) pickle didnt like it and wanted to fight retsu but a swift kick upside his head thwarted that act of petty conflict

she has no clue whats going on but is happy to see such small little guys doing complex things

she fucking LOVES pinwheels and windchimes hell yes little trinkets for her pretty please, even pickle is entertained when she shoves a pinwheel in his hair and shows him her stolen hardware store collection of chimes and shiny glass lawn ornaments used to water flowers -> |:) [her proud face]

she scratches her head like a dog and prefers to stay quadraped, which threw the boys off when she finally decided to stand on her two legs

katsumi told retsu he saw her walking on two legs before everyone else did and retsu called him a liar stating that she simply hadn't "evolved" to do that yet, as soon as he was done saying that she walked right passed them with various lawn ornaments in her arms, farted and continued walking without breaking a stride. retsu was stunned and katsumi just put his hand on his shoulder to console him.

I like to think she has a fighting style similar to dogwatch man from one punch man, which makes her a very hard opponent to defeat since her speed and agility far surpass her bipedal descendants

baki used her as a shield until she force-fed him a handful of grubs and ever since then shes been wondering where he's been |:( his ass ran away from her for about a week

she found him eventually and frantically fussed over him while holding him in a tight embrace, she thought she lost her baby again

Please keep her away from vending machines and claw games, to her they are like giant see through crustaceans she can crack open and benefit from, her and pickle will leave a wake of litter and shards of glass to get whats inside

Loves fountains, they are like vertical waterfalls to her and she’s mesmerized by how the magic water goes up 24/7

She draws cave paintings and is very proud of her work

Absolutely blown away by crayons, completely opened pandoras box for her wait until she learns about paint and markers

Keep scented/colorful soaps and chemicals away from her…she will try to drink them and get sick…no she probably wont die, but she will shit and vomit alot, pickle didnt wanna take the risk to drink fabuloso after that

She has an underbite snaggle tooth that sticks out

This is all I can come up with

This is all I can give you…for now

[subsmoke-love]

Cringe and Cursed Shaolin Order HCs

Fire God Liu Kang

The real reason his eyes are white is because one day he decided to look into the hourglass to see what everyone was up to and the first thing he saw was Kuai Liang pounding Smoke's Vrbadussy so he bleached his eyes

Liu Kang made Kenshi go blind because he was pissed that his tattoos looked cooler than his

He's gotta keep those glutes strong so in private he clenches his ass cheeks around his nunchucks

His room is stocked with Kitana merch

Was thinking of bringing Lizzo into his timeline so she could showdown with Bo Rai Cho

After Madam Bo was attacked at the Tea House, Liu Kang secretly dragged her away and traded her for a Chuck E. Cheese pizza

He is the literal God of Fire and Protector of Earthrealm, and yet he still cannot find out who asked.

Kung Lao

When picking cabbages with Raiden, he proposed a dare where whoever could fit a whole cabbage up his ass should be crowned Earthrealm's new champion

The real reason he was inspired to make his bladed hat was because his ass was always itchy so he needed something to scratch it with

One time after dinner at Madam Bo's restaurant, he farted and it smelled so bad that Raiden and Madam Bo had to evacuate the place and declare it a biohazard for the next three days.

Got punched in the face by Raiden for repeatedly saying "you're the skibidi to my Ohio"

Tried to get the child discount at Madam Bo's by forcing Raiden to push him around in a stroller while he wore a diaper and a bib

Madam Bo spanked him in front of the entire restaurant for that while saying "IF YOU WANNA ACT LIKE A BABY THEN I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE A BABY"

When the Lin Kuei came over for lunch, Kung Lao ate all the crayons so that Tomáš couldn't color and it started a huge brawl

Ended up on Chris Hansen's famous "To Catch a Predator" TV show

Raiden

He secretly loves it when Kung Lao calls him "the skibidi to his Ohio"

He met Madam Bo when she tried to lure him into her basement as a child

Tried to combat the Lin Kuei by attacking them with a human sized rubber ducky

When that failed he used a random spell on them and turned them all into babies, and gave them to Madam Bo who made 'Lin Kuei Style Soup'

Average sand enjoyer

When asked to do the dishes as a child he wanted a shortcut so he put them in the toilet and flushed, using the water pressure to rinse away the bits of food

After failing to get the child discount at Madam Bo's with Kung Lao, he dressed up in a Cheongsam and sat in Kung Lao's lap and tried to get the couples' anniversary discount

Madam Bo said "if you're gonna act like a couple then I'll treat you like a couple" and now Kung Lao and Raiden are getting married next week.

[ketchappu]

wwww your lil gecko is so cute!!!!! got any tips u wish you'd known before getting a gecko/things you've learned?? :O

[ID: A photo of Bowser, a yellow leopard gecko with a few spots on his head, half in a hide in his enclosure, staring right at the camera. His pupils are slits in his grey eyes. A little fake leaf is seen above his head. End ID.]

YES! I do have stuff to say about getting a leo for the first time.

First of all, they all have distinct personalities and tastes, far more than what the general public expects from a reptile. They have tastes that can change during their lives, and many moods. You can prepare all you want but you will have to adapt to your gecko's wants and needs! Mine hates the texture of moss so I had to change my plans for his humid hide, he hates worms so I had to get roaches (you get used to it and mealworms are actually a lot less healthy anyway). I made a whole ass castle in polystyrene so he could have "Bowser's castle" as a hide in the terrarium, except I didn't account for his little claws scratching against it and making noise... He fucking hated it and the castle had to GO day one as well. Bowser's castle is now a coconut hide he loves to death.

In the same vein, do NOT make unmovable parts in your terrarium. I made some hides out of expanding foam and they are stuck to the sides and a pain in the ass, now. You want something that can be taken apart easily, especially when you never know which part of the terrarium your geck will elect as their toilets.

Second, their health: wild types are the sturdiest because they have the less inbreeding. You want to handle your gecko semi regularly at the very least, you don't have to get him out everyday for 2 hours but do handle him enough so you can do check ups and spot any issues demanding a vet's attention. Monitoring them frequently is super important because geckos, as most reptiles, only really show signs of illness when it's already pretty advanced. So tracking their weight, their skin color and looseness, any weird spots or tiny wound/scab, is very important.

Knowing the basics about common health issues, the nutrients they need, and what constitues a good alimentation for them, is super important but often overlooked. It's not because it's a pretty hardy and indeoendant reptile that you can just do whatever. Be informed and most importantly attentive to your geck.

I'm not listing all the little (positive) surprises i got while living with him because I think discovering them by yourself is a great joy! But geckos yawn in the cutest way, they also rip ass and you wouldn't believe how something so tiny created a fart so toxic, they can chirp and have small armpits, their little hands are pink on the bottom, they have 100 minuscule teeth that tou will never see and express a lot with their tails, they are so awesome and funny to have around. I love mine to death!

[fartquen12]

(IM BACK) yandere greedler x female reader.

HEY GUYZ IM BACK AFTER A FEW MONTHS.... HOPE YALL MISSED ME UWU.... JUST.. ENJOY THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF FART

TRIGGER WARNINGS: onceler being MY version of onceler, Major character death, mentions of rape/non-con, Farts, poop, dookie,eating disorders, bulimia, body dysmorphia (vice versa jhonnythin style yk what i mean) will defenitly offend you if your a mini kyle or mini ravi.

You were here... you finally made it to the shitty place with all the trees you couldnt stop laughing at how hobo this town was... You were.. happy i guess when you saw this weird GUY.. uh wtf.. you thought to your self.

you walked over to him who was fighting this little orange guy..

“No shutu-”

“AHEM.. WHO ARE YOU?”

The fatass dude stared at you for a long time before making a run for it to his shitty houuse...

“um..” you said

“BRO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOY?” the lorax asked..

you just ran to your house.. that was real. And went to bed.

your was awoken by this weird sound... *scratch* you look over and see some creep looking at you through the window.. 

“OH HELL NAH” you said as you slammed the blinds shut. You coudnt make out who that creep was.. but he continued watching you.. at night.

“GURRRR” you said as a attempted to open my laxative bottle. 

*scratch-*

“WHA- DUDAAAA!” you yelled slamming the blinds shut again.

You began making it a habit to keep the door shut and locked and the windows closed.. no matter what.

One day you were staring at yourself in the mirror while laying upside down with your head hanging off the bed. You were bored and were looking around the room. since it was 12:00pm it would be safe too go outside.. but were you gonna risk it..? no. Ever since the creep stole your laxatives while you were gone and put a fan in your bathroom you havent felt safe.. You stared at the doorframe.. when you noticed something... rather... strange. You stood up on the bed to get a better look and to be able to reach it... IT WAS A MINI CAMERA. your jaw dropped and apparently so did your asshole because in that moment a huge flow of dirhea came out of your ass in fear. you ran to the toilet and threw the camera in before shitting all over it. While you shit you thought about everything that camera saw... Every time you scratched your butt.. every time you twerked.. every time you replayed that one abigail blyg and nick furcillo edit... AND THAT ONE TIME YOU CRIED TO “taco farts by mr farts and the band” WTFFF.

You began to cry. as you ran to your bed and slept all day. You woke up at 2:00am to check your house for any other cameras..

*scratch scratch*

“NO! NOOO!.. Listen.. please dont hurt me! stop stealing my laxatives and we can all be friends..”

*silence*

You sighed and ran to the bathroom and cried on the toilet as you ate takis and laxatives and shat like crazy. 

“why me!?!?!”

you began scratching your ass s you fell asleep on the toilet.

Next day you finally went out to town to get groceries.. you kept seeing this guy called the.. onceler? He was pretty nice and you felt bad for him about the whole thneed thing. it was a good idea to you but no one else like em i guess. 

“Hey! Onceler how are you?” you said attemting to make conversation.

“good.. what about you..?”

“Uhh... ive been okay..? There is this creep who keeps recording me tough i cant tell who though..?”

“heheheeee..”

“what?”

“check your bathroom... y/n” he said smiling.

You ran home as fast as possible slamming and locking your door and seeing it..

Yes. He was the “creep” you thought as you saw the camera in the bathroom you had.

“OH SICK!” you yelled before ripping it down. You heard something knock at your doorloudly and when you didnt answer..there was a knock.. at your bedroom door from inside the house.

You began to panic as you jumped and hid under the bed slamming a hand over your mouth to mask the sound of coughing from the battle with the toilet a minute ago. 

Thats when the onceler came int your room and grabbed you straight up from out under the bed and forced a mask over your face  with a gas to make you sleep. 

You woke up in a dark room. with this weird guy.. even though he had kidnapped you.. even though he had ruined your life.. and he raped you that one time... you liked him.. in a weird way. AFter weeks of treating him like a boyfriend and finding out about his factory and what not. He let you have free access to the house when he left for work. what he didnt know... is that he was going to regret that.. 

You saw his car leave and when you did you bolted for the toilet. You began throwing up last nights dinner the dinner before that the one before that and.. the one before that.

You had gotten super skinny... what you didnt know was that the onceler was coming home early.

“oh god *cough cough*” y/n said hovered over the toilet.

“I’m home! Ho-”

oh shit.

HE stared at you before running into the bathroom. you were excited for him to see you. you knew he was going to hug and kiss yo-

“GET THE FUCK OUT OFF MY WAYYYYAAA!” he yelled shoving your head away from the toilet and pulling his pants down to shit. But when you continued trying to throw up he got really mad.. with poop dripping down his legs he stood up and began to beat the everloving shit out of you. 

“DONT *smack* BOTHER *smack* ME *smack* ON *smack* THE *smack* TOILETTTT *smack smack smack*!!!” he said as he began to break every single bone in your body.. you decided to go into the light where you saw turds with halos on their heads.. Guess moving to that hobo town wasnt so funny after all..

THE END

[raestarz]

Rookie Hour

Chapter two - How bad is this gonna get?!

A/N: Kyaire is 19 and as we all know Leon is 21, there will be smut but I love a good slow burn :)

Once again, thank you @neteyamsmunch for inspiring me to post this

Word count: 4.1 k

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As Leon and I entered the police station, I took a quick look around examining the two pathways, one being closed off, the other was a shutter that was left slightly ajar. I decided to take a chance while still looking around, “Hello! Is anybody here?!” I shout walking over to the shutter. I pull the lever and it opens the shutter a bit more before stopping. “Hey Kyaire, come look at this.” Leon spoke and I walked over to him, “Huh?” I glanced at what he was looking at on the CCTV laptop, “There has to be someone here right?” I nod slightly, “I guess so.” Not really sure if there would be anyone left considering how it looks inside of here, I see a man shooting at zombies in one of the cameras. “Hey! Look,” I point at the video. Leon clicks on the camera footage, “Not good.” Oh yeah it definitely wasn’t no duh, Leon. Leon continued to click to the next camera that the man showed up in, he eventually spoke through the camera, “David! Marvin! You there!?” the man sounds panicked and terrified, he looks at the camera and holds up a small journal to the camera, “I found a way out! It’s in here!” I squint my eyes at the camera and look at the slightly ajar shutter, “Huh…” I start to think and walk over to the shutter as Leon keeps watching the CCTV. I hear the man speak again, “Send reinforcements! East Hallway!” I start to connect two and two together, of course… This shutter is to the east. I hear Leon walk over to me and I turn to him, “We gotta find that guy Kyaire.” I nod, “I’m guessing he’s over here?” Nodding my head toward the shutter and grimacing seeing the blood trail and the “KEEP OUT” sign. Leon nods, “Alright fuck it, just know you're doing all the shooting till I get a gun.” Leon looks a bit confused, “You know how to shoot a gun?” I nod and shrug my shoulders. “I mean yeah, I’m friends with the gun shop owner in town.”

Leon nods and starts to climb under the shutter, looking around with his flashlight and gives me the clear when he doesn’t see any immediate threats standing up on the other side. “Alright, Kyaire. It’s okay.” I raise my brows, “For now.” I mutter and climb under the shutter after Leon. “Aw what the fuck…” I grimace as I climb through fully and see the blood on the floor and on the walls. I shudder looking at the blood and hold back bile as I look at surroundings, “You alright?” Leon asks softly, his voice was so kind and understanding. I nodded slowly, “Let’s just keep going, no time to waste.” Leon nodded and started to walk toward the location of that officer, I followed behind him closely keeping an eye out for him. As we made our way down this dark ass hallway I mentally groaned, I heard Leon mutter something, “Huh?” Leon looks back at me and scratches the back of his neck flustered, “Ah, nothing…Sorry.” I nod slowly as we continued to make our way down the hall, going into what looks like a conference room with more blood and a dead body in there, well shit who wants to bet twenty that, that fucker is gonna get up, and then dude looks like he farted and sharted on himself as well. Leon goes over to the corner switch flicking it on and surprisingly the fucker doesn’t get up and jump on him. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, looking around the room trying to find any sort of weapon I can use. Leon looks over at me, “Whatcha looking for?” I glance over at him, “Oh, just a weapon or something, I don’t wanna be a liability.” Leon nods slowly, “I’ll keep an eye out for something okay?” I nod back giving him a small smile as I take one of my dreadlocks and wrap it up and around my other ones to make a ponytail. Never be too careful…

…

We finally get to the corridor where the officer is, seeing plenty of dead officers bodies and civilians as well. I grimace, and go to the officer's body leaning against the wall, I search his body and find his handgun along with his flashlight. I checked his handgun, finding the standard twelve rounds and searching his body for more ammo, putting it in my back pocket. “Alright, now I can be the best final girl.” I laughed softly and kept the handgun in my hands, Leon looked at me as if asking if I was ready and I nodded. God, I can't believe pretty boy here wanted to be a police officer, actually I can believe it. I’m about to speak before I hear the officer screaming for help, “OPEN UP! HURRY! OPEN UP!” Both Leon and I’s heads whipped toward his voice and we jog into the office near the shutter to where it was coming from. We just get inside the little corner office before we hear a, “OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR!” I roll my eyes at the officer, but realize this is a life or death situation and no longer a game of cat and mouse, we move quickly to the shutter and start to lift it, the police officer starts to crawl under it face first he reaches his hand out holding the journal and it takes everything in me to not determine this cop a lost cause grab the journal and leave him for dead…Like everything in me, I sigh, “Give me your hand!” Leon shouts being a goodie two shoes as the officer begs for help as I continue to try to pull up the shutter Leon grabs the officer's hand helping pulling him out, “C’mon I got you.” he muttered. The officer turns over and grabs Leon’s other hand as I hear a zombie growling on the other side of the shutter. I groan, “Leon hurry!” still trying to pull up the shutter to no avail so I give up on it and try to help pull in the officer, the officer has blood splash all over his body and that can only mean one thing…the zombie fucker got to him, “Oh god…” I breathe a look of panic coming over my face Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I can't do this, it's too damn much. I guess Leon sees the look on my face, his voice is reassuring but also determined to help this officer, “Kyaire focus, it’ll be okay.” I glance at Leon and nod, “Ok.” I breathe and focus on getting the officer out, the officer is now screaming in pain and there’s more blood seeping the floor into my jeans and my Doc Martens, oh great, I just got these yesterday dammit. There’s now more struggle pulling the officer in, “Hang in there!” Leon assures the screaming officer as the struggle finally stops and we pull out the top half of the officer's body, and my eyes widen as I see his guts on the floor…Oh hell no I didn’t sign up for this. Oh my fucking god.

I take a breath to calm myself, then I see the zombie that tore the officer to shreds reaching out under the shutter grabbing his guts. Leon looks shaken up himself as the officer is somehow still alive like a chicken with its head cut off, Leon mutters, “Jesus Christ…” The officer dies in Leon’s arms and we both stare at each other, grief stricken for a moment before Leon shakes his head deciding not to live in this moment of sadness. He grabs the officer’s journal flipping through, not understanding the context within the contents. I hear banging on the door leading into the office, “Leon,” my voice croaks, sounding broken, “We…we gotta go.” I say between tears, gulping I shake away my feelings. I stand up fully and take my handgun out ready for whatever’s on the other side, a zombie bursts through and I’m quick to shoot a headshot into its skull three times before it bursts and goes down. We start to run out of the office and through the hall back to where we came from, dodging a zombie that bursts through the glass. Oh my god! How bad could this get?! I just want a break! Two more zombies pop up ahead of us, Leon yells a quick, “Jesus Christ!” And we both pick and take down each one with our guns. Quickly maneuvering around their bodies, back toward the shutter I get there first and start to climb under, barely getting through before I stand up out of breath. I see Leon coming under, having to lift the shutter up with his shoulders, damn he’s kinda built…this isn’t the time for that Kyaire! He’s almost out before a zombie randomly grabs his foot, he yells, “Goddammit! Kyaire!” I nod quickly and start to pull Leon under before another officer helps pull Leon out fully, “Watch out!” I warn and the officer slams the shutter on top of the zombie’s head with his foot. Both me and Leon look up at the officer who was clearly fucked…UP. Like bad, the officer is panting and looks at us both, “You're safe. For now.” The officer groans and leans against the shutter, “Thanks…” Leon breathed still out of breath and panicked from the incident. The officer introduced himself, “Marvin Branagh,” I nod in acknowledgement of his name. Leon talks first before I can, “Leon Kennedy and Kyaire Birkin…” Leon stammers trying to explain what happened earlier, “There was another officer…I-I couldn’t…We couldn’t…” He gasps taking shuddering breaths, I step toward Leon and crouching down, I put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “We tried, ok? That’s all that matters,” Marvin nods in agreement and helps lift Leon up. Marvin tries to give some extra reassurance, “I’m sure you did what you two could. Ok, Leon?” Leon nods.

…

Leon comes back from an off distance door in a police uniform and I let out a low whistle, I had no idea someone could look this good in a uniform. Marvin side eyes me and smirks as Leon walks in, “Does anyone know what started this?” Leon asks earnestly. Marvin shakes his head as he checks the CCTV on the laptop from before, “Not a clue. But honestly, all you two need to know is that this place will eat you alive if you aren’t careful.” I nod in acknowledgement as Leon hands me a holster with a pouch like he has, “Sorry, couldn’t find any female uniforms.” I grab the pouch and click it around my waist, “That’s fine, really wouldn’t wanna be associated with the RPD anyway.” I state smirking and the two officers give me a ‘Really?’ look and I shrug, “Sorry…” Leon checks his gun as he adjusts his uniform, “Yeah…well, I was supposed to start last week and I got a call to stay away. I wish I’d come here sooner.” Leon shrugs as if he was gonna actually be able to stop this outbreak a week ago, I shake my head and stifle a laugh. “You’re here now, Leon. That’s all that matters…” Marvin states and I nod in agreement. Leon glances at me to see if I’m ready and I nod, “I’m ready whenever you are, rookie.” I smirk teasingly, Leon shakes his head, a small smile gracing over his lips. Leon walks over to Marvin, “Ok. Lieutenant, we’re ready.” Marvin is looking at the journal we found earlier, going over the pages, “Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a way out of this station.” He sounds so hopeful, I sigh, listening to his words, “That officer you met earlier─Elliot,” I raise a brow in acknowledgement while, Leon nods slowly as Marvin shows him the stuff in the journal pointing at the pictures with the statues, “He thought this secret passageway might do the trick.” Leon takes the journal looking at where Marvin pointed and smiled looking at Marvin, who was shuddering in pain, “This is good news. We can get you to a hospital.” Leon said hopefully. Marvin shook his head, “No, no, I am not the priority here. You need to get you and her,” Marvin nods at me, “out of here.”

Leon looks at me and back at Marvin, “Lieutenant, I’m not just gonna leave you here─” Marvin looks at Leon and bursts out in anger but his voice was also stern, “I’m giving you an order, rookie. You save yourself and this girl first.” He takes a breath calming down his anger, “I’d come with you both, but I'd just slow you down…” I let out a sigh, feeling bad for Marvin and his situation. Marvin looks down and hands Leon a knife, “Now you’ll need this,” Leon shakes his head denying the knife, “I can’t take─” Marvin interrupts him, “Stop.” Leon sighs and takes the knife from Marvin. Marvin’s face goes serious as he looks at the both of us, “And don’t make my mistake. If you see one of those things─ uniform or not─ you do not hesitate. You take it out…or you run. Got it!?” Leon nods and gives a quick, “Yes, sir.” Marvin looks at me giving me a stern look, and I nod, he winces in pain and sits on the couch again. Me and Leon look at each other and give a silent nod of understanding.

We step away from Marvin and I start the conversation, “Now what?” Leon shakes his head slightly and takes out the journal, “I guess we find the medallions and get outta here, huh?” I nod and Leon leads the way, going over to the locked off pathway. Leon takes his new knife and slices the tape from it, opening it and pulling the lever, he glances at me as the pathway opens up, “You ready Ky?” I raise a brow, “Ky?” Leon looks away flustered, “I figured it would make sense ya know? Plus in case there’s danger, it’s quicker off the tongue.” I hum and nod, I wonder if that’s the only reason he wanted to call me that, “Okay, that’s fine. Yeah, I’m ready.” We start to go inside and Leon chuckles darkly, “This is not how I imagined my first day…” I laugh and shake my head, “I can imagine.” We both smile softly and go through the door both clicking on our flashlights, walking down the hall and seeing a dead body on the floor. Leon walks over hearing a radio go off, static in between words, “This is 73-Bird── for rescue.” Leon walks over to the dead body, crouching down and hums, “What..?” he lifts up the person's head their jaw nearly comes completely off, I suck in a breath trying to keep myself from puking, “Leon, what the fuck are you doing?” I hissed, looking around and down the hall. Leon sucks in a breath, “Oh…Oh, what the fuck!?” whisper shouting, “Uh no duh, what the fuck, let go of it’s head.” I direct and we both hear a can come down the hall, we both snap our heads at the same time, “Huh?” we say in synchronization. We continue to go down the hall, me following closely behind him jogging, we see a zombie pop up in the window, Leon mutters a quick, “Shit!” Well, shit someone has quite the potty mouth, I laugh softly. We continue to go down the hall and we hear the window break as the zombie gets through it. We quickly make a right into another room, “Oh my god, everytime I turn around there’s another damn zombie.” I grumble and take a breath. “Are you doing okay, Ky?” Leon asks, his voice soft as he walks over to me and touches my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah…I’m okay Leon.” I breathe and the hairs on my neck stand up as the zombie busts into the room, I turn around swiftly shooting it in the head. These fucking things are so damn annoying, it almost makes me sick having to kill things that used to be people. Almost. Leon grabs the map on the board, then nods his head toward the only escape out. Up the extra storage and hopping out through the broken window Leon gives me a hand up and helps me out first, I land on my feet and move to the side as Leon jumps through as well. We both hold back a laugh as we see the oversized zombie banging on the vending machine comically, Leon takes out the zombie swiftly and I give him a fist bump, “Good shit, Kennedy.” Leon smiles and nods, “Thanks, Ky.”

…

We continue to explore around the police department taking out zombies while also solving combinations, grabbing more ammo and keypads to unlock more things in the Safety Deposit Room. We get to the library when Marvin radios Leon, “Leon, it’s Marvin. I need you two back here ASAP.” We both looked at each concerned for Marvin wondering if his condition was getting worse, and I knew if worse went to bat shit crazy. I would be the one to put Marvin down. Leon radioed him back, “Are you okay, Marvin?” Marvin is quick to respond, “I’ve got something to show y’all. It’s important.” Leon glanced at me and I nodded, whatever’s up ahead can’t possibly be worse than what we’re dealing with right now. It’s been a pretty easy night so far, “Copy that, we’ll be right there.” Leon reassured the man as we started to head back to the center of the police station toward Marvin after we finally got our first medallion, from the Unicorn statue.

…

We get back and Marvin looks so much worse than before, I frown slightly at his worsening condition. “There you two are…Come on, take a look.” Marvin clicks on a camera and it opens CCTV of Claire staring at a gate, “Oh, shit.” I gasp softly. Leon grins, “Yes! I knew she’d make it.” Leon nudges me softly smiling, knowing earlier while we were exploring I had spoken about my doubts of Claire surviving. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. Marvin looks at us, “Y’all know her?” Leon nods, “Yeah, name’s Claire. We came into town with her.” I nod agreeing with Leon. Marvin grunts, “You can get to that courtyard through the second floor…East side.” Leon looks over at the second floor and I follow his eyes, “We’re on it. Thanks Lieutenant.” I interject and smile softly at the officer. We head up the stairs finding the door to what would lead to the east courtyard, Leon takes out the spade key he found earlier opening the door getting through the Waiting Room. We go through the Waiting Room and start to head down the hallway when we hear a large crash. “Yo what the fuck?!” I scream looking panicked and Leon looks back at me, “Ky! Everything okay?” He gives me a quick once over, his eyes full of concern and grabs my shoulders. I’m shaken up, this is too fucking much. I can’t handle this, I’m not prepared or trained for shit. I take a breath and my eyes finally meet his concerned ones, Shit. Shit. Shit. I close my eyes for a moment and swallow whatever feeling I was gonna feel. I’m not gonna have some cliche movie romance shit, that’s dumb. I nod as I open my eyes again, “Y-Yeah, I’m okay. I'm just starting to get so overwhelmed, I don’t understand how you can act as if everything is so normal…So okay.” Leon lets out a small laugh, without any humor, “Nothing that’s happening is normal right now. Nothing at all, but I’m keeping shit together for us? You know? So we can get outta here.” Leon gives me a determined look and I nod, “Okay. Just gotta keep my shit together.” Leon nods back and smiles, we both head out and down the exit to where Claire is.

The rain pours on us as Leon looks over the balcony excitedly, “CLAIRE! HOLD ON WE’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” Claire looks back at us and smiles happily, “OK!” Leon races down the steps and I follow behind him, seeing the helicopter catch on fire. Oh fuck…That isn’t good. We get down the stairs to Claire, us being separated by the gate, I smile as I approach Claire leaning against the gate next to the gate door as Leon leans against the gate door. “Claire…It is so nice to see you. I’m being suffocated by testosterone here.” I joke laughing softly. Claire laughs back and shakes her head, “How’re you two doing? That helicopter came outta nowhere…” Leon looks back at the helicopter, “Yeah…We’re in one piece.” I nod in agreement smiling. Claire gives Leon a once over at his uniform, she is so clearly checking him out, but honestly I don’t blame her any hot man in a uniform, makes me slightly feral. She smiles back, “I’m guessing you don’t have a key in one of those fancy pockets?” Leon looks down slightly embarrassed, “Uh…Unfortunately, no…But, how are you doing?” Claire sighs and leans against the gate door, “You know, just surviving.” Oh my God, she is so flirting with Leon. This is hilarious. Leon leans back against the door, clearly, so oblivious to her flirting, “That’s good. Any luck with your brother?” Claire grimaces and shakes her head, “No, not yet.” I smile and interject, “Claire, don’t lose hope…I’m sure we’re gonna find him─” getting cut off as well when the helicopter explodes, we all jump and look up at the now flaming helicopter. “Oh for fucks’ sake,” I mutter annoyed. Leon looks back at me and Claire when the fire alarm starts to sound, “Dammit. You know what that means…” Me and Claire glance at each other, “Yeah…Dinner time.” We say synchronized and laugh slightly. Claire turns around taking out her gun and facing the zombies rising from their ‘slumber.’ Leon looks concerned as he sees what troubles await Claire, “Claire, I think you should go.” I nod in agreement, Claire looks back smiling softly, “Don’t worry about me, Leon. You two take care of yourselves, have each other’s backs.”

Leon grabs the gate door, emphasizing his point, “Claire, you need to go─ NOW!” Claire looks back taking what he says more seriously and nodding, she takes a couple steps away from the gate toward what waits for her. Claire looks back at us, “Hey…Let’s get through this. All three of us.” I think about Sherry for a moment, “Hey, if you see my sister, somehow…She has a pendant like mine!” I quickly hold up my matching pendant of hers. Claire nods and runs away, Leon looks at me confused, “You have a sister?” I nod, “Yeah, we’re not biologically siblings but we’re siblings…” Leon looks even more confused, “As in…she’s not black, Leon.” I laugh softly at his cluelessness. He nods slowly, “Oh…Well I’m sure if she was, she would be as beautiful as you.” He smiles cheekily and I roll my eyes, adjusting my nose piercing. Leon radios in, “Uh, Marvin. We’ve got a situation here…We’re surrounded by zombies!” We both look at each other slightly panicked as zombies crowd the gate, Leon continues to try to contact Marvin as I see some bolt cutters, I quickly cut the chain on the door. “Leon, c’mon!” Pushing the door open, Leon follows quickly behind me. I go to another chained door, reading ‘East Office’ Leon follows behind me again quickly grabbing the grenade on a desk. I quickly go into the other office finding the round handle to the problem in the bathrooms. As soon as I step out, Leon runs up to me, “Ky, let’s go. I got everything in here.” I nod, “Aight, let’s go…” Leon runs to remove the chair in front of the door, I take down a zombie that was on Leon’s right quickly approaching him. We run out of the room and Leon puts the fuse into the fuse box, the shutter finally opens fully. We both smile at each other grinning, Leon gives me a once over, “Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice your piercings.” I smile at him and look away a bit taken aback, “Oh these? They aren’t anything.” Leon chuckles softly, “Well they suit your attitude, minus this one moment.” He teases. I roll my eyes, “Let’s just focus on getting outta here, hm?” I walk ahead and start to walk ahead toward the bathroom on the second floor with the broken pipes.

Maybe cops aren’t so bad after all?

Nah, this one just isn’t corrupted.

[bearboiferer69]

Fishing fanatic

My father is a fishing fanatic. Half of the flat is littered with fucking fishing rods, it's horrible. Roughly once a month someone steps in a hook lying on the ground and have to go to the hospital cuz they're barbed at the end. In my 22 years of life I had this procedure done 10 times. A week ago I went to get some random checkup done and when the receptionist saw me she immediately told me to take my shoe off cuz she tought that it's the hook again.

The second half of the flat is fucking packed with Polish Fisherman, World of the Fisherman, Super Carp etc (polish fishing newspapers). Every week my father drives to every kiosk in the town to get every single weekly fishing paper. I was foolish enough to teach him how to use the internet cuz I tought that we would save some money on these papers, but now not only he buys them, he sits on old fishing forums and spins shitstorms with other fishermen over the best bait etc. He can scream into the monitor or throw the fucking keyboard out the window. One time he made me mad so I made an account on that forum and I started trolling him writing in his threads some random bullshit like "Carps eat shit". Mom wasn't cooking hunter's stew fast enough for him to calm down. Oh, and on that forum he has the CATFISH rank, for making 10k fucking posts.

When it's warm he fucks off to fish every weekend. For 5 years, every fucking sunday, I eat fish for dinner and my father yaps about how beneficial eating these watery fucks is. When I got into college my father kept saying that it's because of these fucking fish, cuz they have phosphorus in them and my brain works better.

Every week he and his friend Mirek wake up the whole family at 4 AM cuz they make a ruckus packing fishing rods, making sandwiches etc.

While eating he always talks about motherfucking fish and everytime the topic eventually comes to the Polish Fishing Association, dad keeps getting more and more mad and gets unreasonably angry "hurr durr they don't put enough fish they only steal hurr durr", he gets all mad with all of this and gets up from the table cursing, and goes to read the Big Encyclopedia of River Fish to calm himself down.

This year on Christmas he bought himself a pontoon. Of course he couldn't last until the 24th so he unpacked it yesterday and inflated it in the living room. He dressed up in that whole fishing outfit and sat in it the whole day, in the middle of the flat. He ate dinner (carp) in it too.

If they let me near every fish in Poland at the length of an arm I would fucking kill them all.

Some time ago, in primary or middle school, on my birthday, my father, as a present, took me fishing. Great fucking gift.

We went somewhere way off, far away from the city, we get closer do the lake and my dads eyes are already glistening and he licks his lips in excitement. He unpacked all the gear and we sit at the water and look at the bobbers. After five minutes I got bored so I turned on my discman and my dad fucking bashed me on the head with a fishing rod, because "the fish can hear the music from my headphones and are scared". When I wanted to scratch my ass he started screaming in whispers for me to stop moving cuz the fish can see me move from the water and are running away. I had to sit in complete silence and no movement for 6 fucking hours and look at the water like in some fucking Guantanamo. My birthday's in November so on top of all of that it was cold like a motherfucker. At some point dad got up, walked a couple meters into the forest and farted. He explained to me that you need to fart in the forest cuz otherwise the fish can hear and smell.

I mentioned that my dad has his friend, Mirek, whom he goes fishing with. Some time ago his fishing buddy was Zbyszek. A man the shape of a ball with a mustache, wearing a BOMBER vest 365 days of the year. They were like brothers, him and dad, he would come with his wife Betty to us on Christmas etc. One time on my dad's birthday Zbyszek came over to hehe "drink". They got piss drunk and, of course, talked about fishing all the time. I was sitting in my room. At some point they started fucking screaming over which is better, catfish or pike.

-DON'T FUCKING PISS ME OFF ZBYCHU, HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEETH OF A PIKE?! CHOMP, ARM GONE!

-FUCK OFF TED, CATFISH IN POLAND WEIGHT 80 KILO, YOUR PIKE CAN SUCK THEIR DICK.

-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, TALKING ABOUT CATFISH, WHEN YOU CAN BARELY PULL A BLEAK OUT OF THE WATER. THE PIKE IS THE KING OF THE WATER, LIKE THE LION IS KING OF THE JUNGLE!

And it ended with them wrestling on the living room carpet and me and mom had to separate them. From that point onward they lost contact. Last year Betty called to let us know he passed away and that she's inviting us to the funeral. Mom picked up, said her condolences, put the phone down and tells about it to dad, and he replies:

-That's fucking fantastic

That's how much he hated him over that catfish.

I also mentioned my father's archnemesis, that being the Polish Fishing Association. It became his utter obsession and when, for example, they talk about some earthquake on tv, he always says how they should say something about those motherfuckers from the PFA. He stopped reading non-fishing newspapers too because he got mad that they're not writing about polish fishing or any PFA affairs.

The head of the local PFA branch is mr. Adam. For my dad, he's the epitome of evil done to all polish bodies of water by the Association and father had a war with him for several years. One time he went on some fishermen meeting where mr. Adam was and father came back home with a ripped shirt cuz they had to remove him with force, that's how much of a problem he was causing.

After loosing in hand-to-hand combat with the private militia of the PFA dad started a partisan movement online by insulting the PFA and Adam on the forums of local newspapers. He was spewing some bullshit like how Adam was a secret UB agent (communist group, kinda like the FBI), or how he saw him scratching someone's car with a nail on the street etc. I didn't teach my father how to use TOR so cops were called and father had to pay Adam 2000PLN.

When he was paying that he was unbearable for a week, father kept insulting the corrupted courts, the PFA, Adam and the whole world in general. I could deduce from his ramblings that the PFA are some kind of fucking masonry that rules the whole country, pulls the strings and has their people everywhere. He counted that 2000 in fishing rods, hooks or boats and got an absolute headache over , for example, how much vanilla bait he count buy for those 2k (a couple hundred kilo).

Last year father said that we absolutely need to have a fishing boat because apparently renting is too expensive and everyone wants to scam him.

"sonny, on the water is where the real ones fish! That's where the element's at! (it makes no sense in original text either)"

But he couldn't afford it nor did he have a place to store it and he wasn't some hehe loser, so he wasn't gonna pay someone for keeping it, and so he met some local fishermen, they bought a boat together, it's gonna stay at some dude's place, because he has a house and not a flat like us, on the driveway on this guy's trailer and they were to share the boat or fish together.

At first this cooperation went well but one weekend father got sick and couldn't go with them and had a temper tantrum over this. To top it all off, his friends called him to say that fish are catching like crazy so my dad was just lying there, crimson red from anger on the couch and kept panting like an animal. The worst part was that he had no one to blame, like he usually does. Finally he came to the conclusion that it's unfair that they're fishing without him because they bough the boat together and saturday evening, when these dudes came back from their trip, he suddenly left the home.

He comes back an hour later and tells me to help him with something in front of the block. I go outside and I see our car with the trailer and boat. I asked him where did he get it from and he replied that he fucking stole it from that dude's house because they scammed him and told me to grab the boat and bring it into the flat. My explanations that it's gonna take all the space in the living room were fruitless. Luckily the boat couldn't even fit through the door to the staircase so dad decided to just leave it in front of the house.

Using some chains that he found on the boat and my bike lock he chained it to a lamp post and satisfied with his work he wants to go back to the flat when suddenly 2 cars roll up, with co-owners of the boat inside, because they put 2 and 2 together and realized where their property might've gone. An unreal fight started, co-owners are screaming why did he steal the boat and to give it back, father's screaming that they scammed him and he payed 500 PLN and didn't even swim this weekend. I tried to calm them down so that dad wouldn't get beat up because it was really close.

After several minutes the situation was as follows:

-My father lying on the ground, clutching the trailer and screaming that he won't give it back

-Co-owners screaming that he has to give it back

-One co-owner has a broken nose because he tried to pull father away from the boat by the leg, and he got kicked with the other

-Two officers are pulling father by the legs and saying that he's going to the station cuz he beat someone

-Neighbors are watching from every single window around

-My mom is crying and begging father to leave the boat and the policemen not to arrest him

-Me sadfrog.psd

Finally cops ripped dad away from the boat. I gave the co-owners the bike lock code and they took the boat, throwing 500PLN at dad and saying that he no longer has any right to the boat and it's better for him not to meet them on any fishing trip. Mom managed to convince the cops not to arrest dad. The dude with the broken nose said that he's not wasting his fucking time walking to police stations and that he doesn't care, he just doesn't want to see father ever again.

Dad to this day is spinning shitstorms on fishing forums because they made a thread there where they warned everyone about making any deals with my father. I was following that thread and watched as my father ineptly made troll accounts.

Steven54

Posts made: 1

This thread was made by morons! I know user anons_dad for a long time and he's a great dude and an incredible fisherman! They want to slander him because they're jealous of his catches!

Later he would use these troll accounts to stalk his old boat buddies. When one of them made a thread he would fucking burst in on that account and say that he catches shit fish and everyone can see that he can't fish.

From the same accounts he would post replies to his own posts

"well catch! I see you're an experienced hunter!"

and then he would get all happy and force me and mom watch how they cherish his presence on these forums.

[thirdrootwriting]

Brother of my Brother (Infinite Crisis - Bad End) pt1

I am sorry if the timeline events of Infinite Crisis here are a bit wonky. Also we are going with Nightwing run version of Jason and Dick's first meeting, bc that one's my favorite.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

The world nearly ended, it does that sometimes. A great, physics-defying colliding of universes and cosmic god-beings that required every sucker that's ever donned spandex -and occasionally some semi-willing, saner rouges- to put their noses to the grindstone , kick some ass, and maybe fart out a few inspirational speeches if you were the friendly paragon type like Superman, the Flashes, or darling Nightwing.

Jason's involvement in the whole thing had been minimal. He'd busted up some of the weird-ass robot things that preceded the main event, spared a whole goddamn sympathetic wince for the poor bastards that had to fight Superman's evil alt-universe son, and knocked around a couple of wannabe thugs that thought Bludhaven getting nuked was a chance to start getting cute with some profiteering or trafficking on his turf in nearby Gotham.

Not too helpful, cause Jason wasn't one of those fools wearing spandex anymore. (He had actual pants now, imagine that!). Not too unhelpful, cause he was a fool choosing to live in Gotham, and he'd prefer his city to not be a radioactive wasteland trashed by robots and mad Kryptonians and his universe not to be melted or unwritten or whatever cosmic bullshit the villain de jour had planned.

Eventually, the dust had settled. Heroes had run back to their claimed cities, the JLA fucked off back to space, and the various tech whizzes had actually started bothering to lock down or shut off the emergency channels they'd thrown together to call out the all hands on deck situation, making it a lot harder for those that weren't exactly invited to the party to listen in.

Leaning back onto his ratty but comfortable couch, in an apartment that edges closer to housing rather than a safehouse, Jason is now instead idly trawling through the official responses published by the JLA, the Titans, and a couple of the more put-together, public facing heroes.

He's not a bad hacker, far better than most, but Jason really only gives a fuck about information relating to Gotham and its vigilantes. (And well, formerly Bludhaven. Sucks to suck, circus boy, looks like even the great Nightwing fails sometimes). There's no way Oracle doesn't have anything Bat-related on lockdown already, and Jason's not fool enough to tangle with her in her home court like that.

He scratches his neck.

Nah, he'd rather not have cop-girl turned surveillance-woman rat out his location or get in his systems cause he'd gotten curious and poked his digital nose into whatever terse, control freak communications Batman was sending to the League and his little solider boys. Jason could just paint a general picture reading between the lines of official, publicly available reports, and then investigate through other, more in-person means after. Shake some people down, break into government offices that sort of thing.

Well, first off, it seemed his snobby little replacement was going to be in Gotham for a while. There's a short, despondent little announcement from knock-off Robin's knock-off Titans that due to the tragic loss of Superboy in the recent crisis, Young Justice would be suspending activity.

It's followed by a short but clumsily sincere little memorial piece about Kon-El, like that's supposed to make up for the fact he's dead, like just posting a couple of cheesy pictures of cook-outs and daylight missions and blubbering out a few sentimental sentences about how kind and heroic the deceased was enough to make up for his violent death.

Jason scratches his neck again. His nails are cut almost to the quick so they don’t catch his skin, don't draw blood, don’t really get rid of the itch.

Batman's more of a problem, as always. He'd never deign to give anything as mundane as a public statement, of course, but the JLA has an actual PR team and a constant need to maintain an image of transparency in front of the general public and its many trigger-happy governments. They've put out a handy list of various commendations being given, memorials being held, and ongoing efforts of various heroes to help with the after effects of the tragedy

Jason idly opens the memorials tab for some rubber-necking after he's finished investigating. He doesn't even bother glancing at the award ceremonies page (no Bat would fucking ever).

Little mention of Batman in any of the rebuilding projects or various JLA committees on preventing this horrible tragedy from ever occurring again . (Even though they all knew something similar would happen in another couple of years, cause the universe  tries to off itself on damn schedule these days).

Jason sighs. Nary a sign of the Bat on anything from the JLA, and the various social pages and gossip rags of Gotham were mostly empty of their favorite drunken fool, Bruce Wayne.

If Jason was lucky (and he never was), the Bat was on some short, international mission that would be finished up before the Red Hood's even had time to finish shaking down air traffic control for their records of Batplane sightings.  If he's unlucky, the old man's on one of his long-term out of the city projects or stupid self-discovery journeys that seemed to mostly involve screwing morally grey spies and assassins.

If he's supremely unlucky, though, Batman's fucked off to space or some alternate dimension to do this this, that, and the other cause he's similar to Jason in at least one regard. Occasionally they had to give a shit about the stability of the universe and the fate of the world, cause that's what Gotham is sitting on.

Uggh, it better not be that last one. Shaking down or threatening a Flash or Lantern would be a goddamn pain and require a fuck-ton of planning (steal some shit from Freeze? Lure the space cop into a sulphur mine? Might just be easier breaking into the Batcave.)

Jason rolls his shoulders face twitching into a grimace. He hasn't decided what he wants to do or say or whatever the next time he sees Batman, but he does know he wants it on his fucking terms. He's never gonna have a moment's peace if he doesn’t' figure out where Batman's lurking.

Shit, worst comes to worst he'll beat the Bat's location out of his shiny new Robin or prod it outta Nightwing who's almost certainly an emotional wreck now that Shithaven's radioactive rubble.

…. Maybe the Red Hood will even buy Nightwing a beer instead of greeting him with a gunshot outta consideration for his loss next they meet. Might be worth it so that Jason can see pretty, perfect Dick Grayson floundering in failure like the rest of the mortal world regularly had too, the prick.

Feeling a bit calmer, Jason settles back into a sprawl and starts casually perusing the JLA's page of memorial announcements for people he might've met with Batman or Dick. He idly scrolls down the page, stopping once in a while to search engine a name that rings absolutely no bells on the off chance it’s a rebranding instead of new-blood or a  total no-name. After all he very much doubts any mid-to-late twenties men are going around calling themselves Aqualad, or fucking Speedy.

Near the bottom of the alphabetically organized page is a blue hyperlink that reads 'Nightwing'.

Jason blinks. Clenches and unclenches his left hand. That's … a weird fucking way to list a memorial for the city of Bludhaven.

He knows a lot of the old core Leaguers like to fawn over Robin Number 1, Superman especially, and that Nightwing's probably the only non-exploded, halfway decent person left willing to admit association  with Shithaven, Gotham's poorer, dirtier little sister-city, but still. Not super tactful.

Jason stares at electric blue of the hyperlink for another couple of seconds, then clicks on it.

'The public memorial for the hero known as Nightwing will be held at 5pm on October 24th on the public access field in front of Titian's Tower. A beloved figure of the hero community, founding member of the Titians, and known associate of Batman, Superman, and many other long time Justice League members …'

The word 'Robin' does not appear once on the entire page, Jason notes hysterically. Like every two-bit thug with half a brain cell left after Batman's regular beatings and Gothamite still sane enough to parse a newspaper don't know that the little, grinning dare-devil child mad enough to take on the night in Gotham armed with nothing but pixie boots and a smile, good enough to not just fucking survive that but stay laughing and kind, like they don't all know he grew up into their migratory bluebird who would swoop between the brighter, outside world and their resident shithole city, returning to the nest to help beat down their rouges, remind Batman to act like a freaking human being, and teasingly rescue little Robins that got in over their heads. Perfect, lucky, Dick Grayson, Gotham's little songbird that got to grow up and stretch his wings.

Jason numbly realizes he's started to chuckle, an ugly smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

A hideous cackling monologue that never really shuts up in the back of his memories laughs and laughs about dead birds, about Batman's failures. The sentences are impossible to fully parse, every other word punctuated by a crack of pain or an ugly giggle.

A soft, sharp, croon in his recently resurrected ears, as Talia-of-his-memory whispers, "Family and love are just pretty, useless words until they've been proven in blood and sacrifice."

Jason hurls the laptop across the room, shattering the bright screen displaying its memorial message against the wall then stalks off to grab his helmet. He needs to see for himself if this is, if Nightwing is . . .

. . . If it is true, he needs to know who. Needs to know badly, insistently, itchingly cause Jason really fucking doubts whatever JLA fuck that wrote the page, or Titan hanger-on that organized that memorial actually loved Richard Grayson that way his brother deserved.

He sure as hell knows their father won't.

------------------------------------------

Six years ago

The first time Jason met his predecessor? (maybe his brother?) went  . . . . alright.

Sure Jason's flubbed the gauntlet test thing that Bruce'd set up, Nightwing dancing circles about him with his fancy flips. Then that had been followed by the older teen basically dragging him about the whole city like a scruffed kitten as they'd raced through the streets to save Alfred dressed as Two-Face.

 On the other hand, they'd basically raced the length of the whole city, bus-surfing and peeping into warehouses, and ended up fighting with some sewer-croc monster to save Alfred dressed as Two-Face cause Batman had flubbed his whole secret test thing worse. Jason had come out of that whole mess not looking too bad in comparison and gotten the official go-ahead to be Robin from both Batman and the original.

He'd parted ways with Dick kinda amicably. Dick had given him his original Robin suit (which was actually pretty cool) and his phone number to call in case Batman was being a 'stoic, immovable, grump' (actually a bit tempting to use cause  Bruce had been snit over his car crash injuries). Jason in turn had passed over the new Nightwing suit Alfred had sewn up and repeated his challenge that he was gonna be even better as Robin so Dick'd better watch out (he'd gotten a raised eyebrow  and a sigh again).

Not bad or anything. No hitting, no screaming (at him anyway, he's fairly certain Nightwing and Batman had it out behind his back at some point). No angry demands about who let a grubby, homeless kid have Robin's costume.

Still, Jason felt like Nightwing was just humoring him, and it rankled. Worse, was he knew why. In contrast to Jason's rather lackluster first night as Robin, Batman had shown him clips of Nightwing's Gotham debut right before he sent him out to catch him, and really those said it all.

A smiling young man in midnight blue and bright gold on a playful rampage through Gotham's darkness, a grinning Batgirl in tow. He knocks out street thugs with a showy, graceful kick on one screen, raids the Iceburg Lounge and talks down to Pengiun with an grinning, effusive, confidence on another, and on the final screen on the bottom right breaks into Arkham to play a prank on the fucking Joker, the clown's angry threats near drowned out by his fearless, undaunted laughter as he slips away.

"This is Nightwing" says Batman. "He'll be your test."

"That's Robin." Realizes Jason. "He's what I've got to live up to."

[buggybugzxo]

XJocked Part 7

Logan had finally hit it. 400 lbs. He remembered when he was a jock, with beautiful light brown hair and and chiseled jawline. He remembered when he had a six-pack. But those days were long gone. He was now a hairy, sweaty, musky hog of a man with greying hair. He didn’t want to go back to being athletic. He was happier this way. He waddled over to the kitchen and scratched his fluffy beard. “Hey, uncle Rick!” Logan hollered. “What is it, champ?” Rick asked back. “Could you make me some-URRRRRRRP-breakfast?” Logan said. Rick nodded and started to make Logan a very calorie-dense breakfast. 4 buttermilk biscuits with a pound of bacon and half a carton of fried eggs. Logan wolfed it down like it was nothing.

Devon hasn’t woken up yet, so Logan straddled over Devon’s gut, and placed his own on top of him. “Huh?” Devon said, groggily. “Mornin’ babe!” Logan cheerily said. They kissed and watched some movies on the TV in Logan’s room. A few hours later of lazing around, Logan called his feeder servants to come feed him and Devon. They brought over boneless wings and melted ice cream pints. Logan and Devon were both incredibly stuffed after the feeding session they were both rendered temporarily immobile.

Devon and Logan waddled over to their new SUV. Logan’s old pickup truck would hold his fat gut and ass well enough so they got an SUV to accommodate their growing guts and asses. None of Logan’s shirts would really fit anymore, all of them exposing his hairy belly and deep bellybutton. Devon bad the same problem, but not as severe. Only a small part of his belly would be visible underneath his shirt. Devon waddled inside the local supermarket and picked up two apple pies. One for him, and one for Logan. He heaved back into the car and handed Logan his apple pie. It was fresh out the bakery so Logan just shoved his hand into the pie and started shoving fistfuls of pie into his mouth. Devon stared at him in awe. Crumbs were getting stuck in his beard. Apple filling all over his face and his white tank-top. He belched and farted all the way through him pigging out on the pie.

Devon didn’t even finish his pie until they got back to Logan’s home. Logan gave out a belch and plopped down onto the couch. He looked over at the end table and saw a peculiar photo. It was a photo of uncle Rick when he was younger. Same face, same beard (albeit a bit shorter and more refined) but the only thing that wasn’t the same was his body. He had a body that wasn’t too skinny, but not too fat, just a normal body. He stared in shock and looked over at uncle Rick, whose weight was sitting at around 530 nowadays. “Rick! You never told me you were skinny!” Logan said, pointing at the photo. “Heh, that was me back in college.” Rick said, nostalgically. “So how’d ya’ get so fat?” Logan questioned. “Well it started when I was apart of my colleges football team. I was a lead quarterback and one of the best players on the team. I got tackled by the other team a little too hard and I broke my leg. I was in the hospital for about 3 months and wasn’t able to play. However, I still had the jock appetite and gained, eh…100 lbs? Not that I’m mad or anything.” Uncle Rick said, rubbing his gut hypnotically.

Logan stared at him in amazement. He was gonna get bigger than uncle Rick could ever imagine! He waddled over to his room, and Devon laid on the bed, while one of the feeders fed him the pie and beer. “‘Sup!” Devon said, taking a swig of beer. Logan plopped down onto the bed. Devon slightly slid towards him.Logan wrapped his meaty arm around his boyfriend, and they fell asleep together.

[fat-hedonistic-hogs]

How itchy does Rangiku's hairy ass get whenever summer arrives to give her swamp ass?

(Ooh I love itchy stuff! Been meaning to do more of it

Rangiku was a sweating panting mess as she waddled through the streets of the human world. The massive soul reaper was wearing her human disguise though wasn't visible just yet. She preferred staying hidden as much as she could while on patrol. The only issue was the heat, there weren't any Hollows or quincy attacks so she was just waddling along baking in the heat. "Fuck summer patrols are the WORST! I feel like I'm gonna roast alive here. I can feel the flies buzzing around my ass already." Rangiku groaned digging her hands into her jeans tugging at her pants covered Crack the best she could. Suddenly a powerful urge to scratch her ass washed over her, one that wouldn't be able to br relieved by her own pudgy fingers. "GAH! MY ASS! Fuck I need to scratch this!" Rangiku yelled blushing as her hairy rear felt like it had ants crawling in it. Looking around for an object she settle on a post rising from the ground.

"Better than nothing..." She said to herself dropping her jeans she revealed her polka dot sweat stained panties and shoved her ass against the post. Turning it into her own personal butt scratching post Rangiku grinded against the metal object working her wide cellulite riddled cheeks up and down the post working out all the itch she could.

"Oh YESSSS~♡ THAT'S MUCH BETTER! God I needed this!" Rangiku gasped her tongue rolling out of her mouth as she pleasured herself with the pole. It wasn't until she heard laughter round her that she snapped out of her trance.

"Lieutenant Rangiku... You do know you're visible right? The humans can see you... And smell you..." Isane said holding her nose and fanning away Rangiku's putrid stench.

A crowd of humans had gathered watching the ginger make a fool of herself publicly.

"LOOK AT THE PERVERT!"

"Wow her boobs are HUGE! I'd hit it if she didn't smell like a dumpster..."

"God she reeks! Take a shower fatty!"

"Wha... FLRRRPOOORT FLRRRPOOORT BLLLLIIOOOORRRRRT!" Rangiku farted from the sheer embarrassment, her bowels erupting with a thick brown tinted smog which only worsened the embarrassment she felt though it did drive away the crowd AND ease her itch. "God damn it... Dont look at ME!" Rangiku yelled cheeks clapping as she covered herself and ran away leaving behind a crowd of disgusted bystander.

[rubyventing]

Exhibit A. Husband is finally emptying the cat litter, and it only took me breaking down and crying for him to finally get around to setting an alarm to remind himself. He emptied it tonight, and expected praise for it. I've been doing it for months, having asthma attacks, trying to remind him to do it… and all it took for him to finally put an effort in was me breaking down and sobbing. Amazing. /s.

Exhibit B. I spent two hours making supper tonight. Baked some treats for him to bring to work for his coworkers. And I ended up having to do all the cleanup, put the food away, load the dishwasher, wipe down all the counters, sweep the floor where crumbs got dropped, etc. Not an ounce of help from him.

Exhibit C. ( fair warning, this one's a little gross) I keep telling him not to let our two cats into the craft room. There's a lot of things in there that could hurt them if they ingested it, things they could hurt themselves on, etc. There's a reason we keep it all behind a closed door. Well, he let one of the cats in there with him and didn't pay any attention to him. So, our boy, Beanie, ate a piece of a rubber glove. He's okay, don't worry. He threw it right back up… along with a bunch of partially digested food, directly onto our door mat… So, at 11pm, when I should be settling into try to sleep, instead I'm hunched over the bathtub, furiously trying to scrub cat puke out of our rug while my husband just goes, "Oh, well, wasn't my fault. shrugs Thought I put them up high enough", and rolls over to go to sleep. And to think, he wants to talk about having kids… I can't even trust him to look after either of our cats, and he thinks I'd trust him with the well-being of a tiny human? Absolutely not. PS: Don't worry about him trying to baby trap me. I have no intention of having his children, and am on a form of birth control he can't tamper with.

Exhibit D. He leaves his clothes everywhere. Not 24 hours after me begging him to, please, clean up after himself, I have to pick up mildewing towels… He leaves his socks on the living room for me to pick up, his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor, etc. And not only that, but (also going to be a little gross), he'll "trust a fart" at work and then bring home his literally shit-stained pants for me to scrub the actual shit out of off… or will blow out the crotch of his pants and just toss them at me to sew back up for him.

This is not an exhaustive list.

The disrespect he continuously showed me during the time we had to share a home with his mom and, yes, it was just as terrible as you'd think. When he and his mom kept letting my older cat outside against my wishes (usually when I was asleep in the mornings) and called me dramatic when I protested and was anxious about her…. Which culminated in the neighborhood dog treeing her ( thank god, it wasn't anything worse) and my disabled ass having to go out, in 40f weather, at 6 am, to climb a ladder, drag her down, and get horribly scratched up by her all the way back home, because she was afraid.

The fact he once threw his phone across the room because it wouldn't charge. Or, when he couldn't find something he was looking for, started stomping around, throwing things and, when I just looked at him in fear, he snapped, "Don't look at me like that! It's just gonna piss me off more!" ( SA TW) The fact he uses the threat of sexual assault to get me to listen to him. I have a history of pretty awful sexual abuse… and he has repeatedly used that against me. "If you don't stay in bed and go to sleep, I'm going to get you worked up and leave you hanging". AKA, touch me sexually without my consent, then him rolling over and going to sleep.

I don't feel safe with him. I don't feel connected to him. Every time I look at him, I feel like I care less and less about what happens to our relationship. I still love him, I know I do, but there's so many issues. We've both talked about marriage counseling, but I don't know if these issues can be fixed, there's so many. And I don't know if I want it fixed, or if I just want it to end. I don't like when he touches me. He doesn't appreciate me. He talks down to me like a child, talks over me, criticizes me. He lets his mom shit talk me freely, and even took part in shit-talking me… god, the amount of times I would wake up in the morning, when we were all sharing a home, and hear them saying genuinely awful things about me in the other room. And then crying, cleaning myself up, and going about my day, pretending I didn't hear them.

I'm so tired. I'm so done. Marriage isn't supposed to be like this.