#And I might have to miss class next week bc of this bullshit. I need my laptop....

[siobhanromee]

ugh I hate dell

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

12:28 am time to think about kindness.

Thinking about when my brother died when I was in grade 9, like right in September, and I was out of school for a few days. My friend in my period 3 geography class told our teacher for me bc he had handed out an assignment and he wanted to know if she knew when I'd be back.

I was like. A totally shit student at the time and was more focused on making jokes with my friend than learning geography. It would have absolutely not surprised me if I was told my geo teacher hated my guts. I'll be real, high school me was a total nightmare harpy.

So I was completely shocked when I stumbled back into class after the funeral and my teacher pulled me aside to tell me he was sorry for my loss. He told me not to worry about the project, that he'd just pass me on it. He told me if I needed someone to talk to, his door was open. Every other teacher I spoke to with minimal detail gave their sympathies and handed over the schoolwork I missed and that was that. A few weeks later when he noticed I was really struggling, he got me involved in this stupid trivia team my school had that he supervised (which I ended up loving and joined for all four years).

Thinking about how my depression got worse this year. How I tried to kill myself in September and ended up in a forced psyche hold for a few days. How it's been a fucking battle to keep myself upright lately. Medication adjustments, psychiatrist visits, therapy check ins every week. It's been just a complete fucking nightmare that I absolutely don't want to involve anyone else in.

I see a specialist doctor every three months for a rare health condition I have that could cause me to wake up blind one day, or make me develop seizures or have a stroke. He's got no bedside manner at all but I don't mind bc I like a doctor who doesn't bullshit me. Plus, neuro-opthalmologists aren't exactly in abundance from my understanding. Even if he's kind of a prick, you get used to it after seeing a guy every three months for about three years now.

I went to see him mid December. He asked me if I had any changes to my current health since we last saw each other. I told him about my suicide attempt since I figured as my doctor he should know.

He immediately paused the appointment. Asked how I was doing. I told him not good. It's been a lot. He told me that the damage to my eyes hadn't improved from the latest round of treatment, but it hadn't gotten worse either. And since it wasn't worse, he was going to put a stop to our treatment plan for the next three months. That's way, he said, I could focus on improving my mental health. No more pills or special diet or MRIs or spinal taps or optic nerve imaging for the next three months so I could just focus on getting better. He told me he'd pray for me and to let his receptionist know to book me in for March.

Like, idk. I guess I'm just thinking about kindness in this specific form. Less doing stuff for me, and more giving me permission to let go of some of the tasks on my to do list. There's always another school project, in three months my doctor and I might be discussing surgery if the damage to my eyes get worse. But for a little while, my plate isn't quite as full and fuck if that doesn't mean the world to me when I'm struggling.

[t0wnspersonb]

Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

~~~

Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

~~~

Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

~~~

You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light. 

 Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

 Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

 You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door. 

 “Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.” 

 “Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

 You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

 You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night. 

 “No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

 A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

 You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment. 

 Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

 How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

 “Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand. 

 “You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined. 

 He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.” 

 You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in. 

 It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

 “What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

 “Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

 Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed. 

 One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

 It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly. 

 He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact. 

 His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra. 

 He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body. 

 “Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet. 

 “Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

 It was silent again.

 But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

 You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

 You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now. 

 His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair. 

 “Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

 “What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

 You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

 “Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

 Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

 “But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

 His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts. 

 “Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

 He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours. 

 He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

 His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes. 

 You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life. 

 “What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

 Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were. 

 “Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

 A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

 He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

 “K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly. 

 “Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

 The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

 He was just too good.

 You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

 “Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

 Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

 “Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

 Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more. 

 “Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance. 

 “Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

 You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

 Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

 “Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

 He could never get used to this. 

 After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

 A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

 The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

 But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

 “Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing. 

 “Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

 Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

 “Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

 You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form. 

 “You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

 “If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

 “You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

 A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else. 

 Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now. 

 Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed. 

[twinklelilstarkey]

can i request an fluffy rafe imagine where he and reader break up (drugs) so sarah makes a girls night bc y/n it’s really sad and then rafe apologizes to her and they back together? omg i think it’s a little confuse..

A/N: Not confusing at all babe. I really like what you requested! Hope you enjoy it! — I’m sorry for not making it as fluffy as you probably wanted me too ❤️

Get help - Rafe Cameron

Words: 2.9k

Type: Angst & Fluff

Warnings: I- This is wayyy more sad that I intended it to be. Sorry? (Mentions of drug addiction and rehabilitation clinics, swearing... and I think that’s it)

DO NOT REPOST, REWRITE OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORK!

It’s been a week since you last saw him and it still hurt. You miss him so much and it has become harder and harder to ignore these feelings. You have tried making yourself believe that this happened for the best of the two of you but it’s slowly getting tougher to swallow.

You and Rafe had been dating for years before that night happened, it still hurt to think of him.

You believe you’ve cried everything you could. Your body is now completely dehydrated and no tears are being created. In which you can’t help but thank with your now zombie-like mood.

“I’m going to get us a coffee, do you want anything else?” Sarah, your best friend, who is sitting next to you, asks.

You shake your head and she gives you a small smile. You stare back at the screen of your laptop, in hopes to finish what you were previously doing for school, and try to ignore all the sound around you.

You whisper the words you were reading to yourself, trying to make them make sense, but your peaceful silence is broken by a group of guys walking in the café. You sigh annoyed while staring at the screen, wanting to throw something at their loud mouths. But decide otherwise.

“Hey, Sarah. Haven’t seen you in a while” One of the guy says and you lift your eyes to where Sarah is standing.

Sarah smiles at Topper and starts a conversation as soon as she does it. You look away from them and look at the other person standing beside him, Rafe. He’s looking around himself, eyeing the inside of the café that he has never seen before. 

You force yourself to look away and lean back on the couch that you’re siting, trying to pay attention to something else other than him as your chest gets heavier and heavier by each second that passes.

Sarah says a little goodbye to Topper and ignores her brother’s presence before walking towards you. Rafe fakes trying to trip Sarah and she sends him a glare, which just made all the boys laugh. 

His eyes follow his sister and his smile falls at the sight of you staring at the screen of your laptop. You look up at Sarah as she hands you your drink and laugh at something she says.

He pleads, in his mind, for you to look up at him but you don’t do it. You’re too distracted with whatever his sister is saying to you. And only God knows that might be.

“Yo, Rafe. Can you please come back to Earth for a second?” Topper asks, making his best friend snap out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, what, sorry?”

(...)

“I promise it will be cool” Sarah insists, “We can spend the night watching movies and eating junk food”

“How is going to my ex boyfriend’s house going to help me move on or even feel better?” You ask as she lays comfortably in your bed.

“He’s never home at Friday’s!” She exclaims, “We’ll have the house to ourselves the whole night. It’s way better than staying here, where you need to have your door open because of your parents... Seriously, when are they going to trust you enough to close the door?”

You chuckle at her words and shake your head.

“Ah! Made you laugh!”

You roll your eyes and turn your attention back to your book.

“Now, can you please agree on coming over to my house? It will be so cool, I already have so many movies in mind. Oh! And soooo many snacks”

You think for a few seconds in silence.

“Please” She whispers into the air, looking at the ceiling, “You will have so much fuuun”

As Sarah is done singing her words, a smile fills your lips again and you sigh.

“Fine. But just tonight”

(...)

If Sarah could describe out loud what she’s feeling, she would have to do a whole essay. Because...

Why the fuck is Rafe still home at this time of day? Isn’t he supposed to be in a party?

The thing is, you’re almost getting to her house. Just like you had planned. There’s snacks on top of Sarah’s bed, the chosen movie is already paused at her bedroom tv and the pizza is also on its way.

Her 19 year old brother is the one fucking it all up. 

You’re supposed to come into her home to forget about him, and be calm and relaxed. And now, she feels like wherever she looks, Rafe’s there.

“Weren’t you supposed to be at a party today?” Sarah finally asks.

Rafe looks up from his phone, still leaning back on the kitchen counter, not even knowing that she had been glaring at him this whole time.

“Yeah, but I decided not to go” He answers with a shrug.

“Won’t that make you a bad friend?”

She’s using every play in the book now. She needs him gone for at least the whole night.

Rafe chuckles at his sister’s words and looks at her confused.

“No?”

Sarah sighs and walks over to the fridge when listening to his answer. Rafe follows her with his eyes as she fills a cup with water and curiosity takes over him.

“Why?”

“No reason”

“Bullshit”

Sarah rolls her eyes at his stubbornness and looks back before staring back at him.

“I wanted the whole house for myself and my friend, is that too much to ask?”

Rafe laughs.

“Since when am I such a bother to your little sleepovers? You never leave your room anyway”

Sarah opens her mouth to answer but the ringing of the doorbell stops her from doing so. Rafe lifts his eyebrows as if in surprise when seeing her reaction and lowers his eyes back to his phone.

Sarah glares at her brother when noticing that he isn’t planning on leaving the kitchen any soon and turns on her heels to go to the front door. 

As she walks closer to the door, she smiles at you through the glass and opens it.

“Hi!” She says excitingly, “Are you ready for the night of your life?”

You smile at her, “Sure”.

Sarah steps to the side to let you in the house, and you wait for her to start walking towards her room so you can follow her.

As you pass the kitchen doorway, you can’t help but look inside. You’re used to looking in and seeing Rose doing something, but this time, it isn’t Rose. It’s Rafe.

Air gets caught in your throat and you look away as quickly as you can. Rafe stays on his phone innocently, not even acknowledging who just came into his house.

Should you say something to Sarah? Does she not know that he’s in the house too?

You and Sarah get to her room rather quickly and she closes the door right behind you two as you walk in.

She’s quick to lay in her bed and open the covers for you, and you can’t help but grin at her as she opens one bag of chips right away.

“You ready?” She asks before pressing the play and you nod, “Let’s go”

Sarah presses the play and the sound of the universal studios entrance fills the silent room. You bring the covers closer to you and Sarah hands you the bag of chips just so you can take some of them.

And...

Not even halfway through the movie, Sarah highly regrets watching the movie while laying down because she’s out like a light.

You stare at the TV in silence, grinning slightly at Sarah’s slight snores as the main characters talk about their feelings in the TV.

But your mind is occupied with something else. You’re not paying much attention to the movie anymore. The plot stopped being of your interested when you noticed that Sarah had chosen the movie purely because of the cast.

Understandable, we’ve all done it. But romance movies are not a good choice when you’re trying to forget your failed relationship.

Already tired with your thoughts, you stand on your feet, away from the bed and drag yourself out of the bedroom.

Rafe must be in his party, now, since that was what Sarah said when you questioned his presence in the kitchen.

You walk down the stairs of the empty and silent house and drag your warm feet over the cold ground towards the kitchen.

As you grab a cup from the shelf above you, you almost groan at all the memories that hit you at once.

All the times that you and Rafe made breakfast on his days off classes, eating cheap fluffy pancakes until you felt sick with just the idea of drinking water. Or when you helped him through a big hangover after a big party.

The second memory hits you like a tone of bricks. 

Those mornings and the nights before, after the parties, were the reason of your breakup. You couldn’t stand to see Rafe kill himself with all the alcohol almost every night and the various drugs that his friends could get a hold of each month.

You walk towards the fridge, chest heavy with heartbreak, and fill your cup with cold water. The feeling of the freezing temperature over your fingertips wakes you up back to reality.

You hear steps in the hallway, right outside of the kitchen, and you don’t think much of it as it might be Sarah.

The door swings open and your eyes widen slightly at the sight of Rafe. His hair a complete mess, his eyes hold a sleepless look, and his clothes are slightly scrunched up. He looks like he’s had a rough night.

You don’t say anything, looking away as he looks at you. He clears his throat as if to fill the silence in the air and walks towards the shelf, grabbing a glass cup. 

He didn’t know you were the one sleeping over.

He doesn’t look at you or says anything. 

You can’t help but think in all this silence how much you want to run home, right now. You love Sarah but you can’t stay here any longer.

Your feet don’t move from under you and you’re left to stare at the floor as Rafe fills his cup with water as well. 

Both of you silent, fearing to break the peaceful absence of sound as your minds fill with all the good memories and the possible beginnings of conversation.

You finish your water and walk towards the sink to leave the cup beside it. Rafe’s eyes stay on you as you do it, but you don’t care to look up before walking out of the kitchen.

“Shit” Rafe whispers to himself as he hears your footsteps getting further away from the doorway.

You walk in the living room, not wanting to go back to bed, and make your way towards the glass sliding doors that lead to the porch.

The warm air of the last summer night hits you and you walk out, leaving the door slightly open. You walk towards the railing of the porch and lean against it, watching the calm waters under the dim lighting coming from the house.

You sigh as you rest your cheek over your fist and close your eyes to try and concentrate on your breathing other than your feelings.

The door behind you slides slightly but you don’t care to look back to see who it is. But that is until, it slides closed and someone stands right beside you.

“I wanted to talk to you” Rafe says.

You take a quick look at him before staring away into the grass of the garden right in front of you.

“About?” You ask in a whisper as he doesn’t say anything else.

“I don’t know” He answers with a shrug and you frown in confusion, “I just wanted to talk to you”

He really likes making everything worse for you, uh?

“We’re not supposed to be in talking terms,” You answer, “Not after our last conversation”

“I know”

You look down at your hands and play with your fingers as a way to fight out your emotions.

“I’ve- Uhm...” Rafe starts but pauses. You look up at him and see him scratching the back of his neck while staring at the ground.

“You’ve what?” You encourage.

“I’ve been clean for a week” He admits and looks down at you.

You look away and do a very small smile, rather fake, while staring at the grass once again.

“Hope it lasts” You say before biting your cheek.

“Me too”

Silence, again.

“I’m... I’m sorry for not listening to you before. About the addiction, I mean.”

You don’t say anything.

“You were right, and I was too stupid to not want to listen to you” He continues, “I’m sorry”

You look up to find him still staring. His gaze softens at the sight of you finally looking back and you give him a slight grin.

“You don’t need to say sorry. I’m sure it’s not something easy to swallow, to hear someone say that you’re addicted to something”

Rafe observes your expression twitch slightly at the mention of his addiction and his chest tightens at your saddened gaze as you sigh.

“I did it to myself” He admits with a shrug, “Just didn’t expect these many consequences to come from it”

“Like?”

The look he gives you is a good enough answer. You look away with that and he tenses up next to you.

He just screwed everything up, didn’t he?

“It happens, Rafe” You whisper, “At least it was able to motivate you into changing”

“Yeah... It was” He agrees, “I just- you know, feel like this could’ve been done in other ways”

“Of course, it could’ve” You answer bringing your shoulder up as if you’re shrugging, “This is just where our argument took us”

Rafe can’t help but disagree. It wasn’t the ‘argument’s fault’, it’s his. His words. His sick and disgustingly affected by whatever he took, words.

“Will you ever forgive me?” He blurs out, catching both you and himself by surprise.

“Forgive you?” You ask confused, “I’m not even mad at you”

“You’re not?”

“No” You say with a frown, shaking your head slightly, “I’m mad at myself more than I am at you. I could’ve helped you before you became addicted, and I-”

“You know it isn’t your fault that I’m the fuck-up that I am, right?” He asks you and you glare at him.

“Don’t call yourself that” You say, “We’ve been over this, Rafe.”

“It’s true” He says with a slightly annoyed tone, “I fuck up everything, I’m just-”

“Shut up”

He falls silent, not wanting to ruin anything further.

“You’re not a fuck up” You say, annoyed that he could even think that, “Don’t let your mistakes fucking define you, Rafe. We’ve talked about this. You’ve fucked up, yes. But who hasn’t?” You pause so that the words can sink in, “Sarah has fucked up, I’ve fucked up. Your own dad has fucked up before... I didn’t break up with you because of your mistakes”

He looks at you confused.

“I’ve broken up with you because I couldn’t bear to see you kill yourself any further while everyone fucking stared and did a whole bunch of nothing” Tears swell up in your arms, “And that maybe, just maybe, you could’ve taken your mind off your drugs to just think about what you can lose with them”

You sniffle and look away, not wanting him to see you cry.

“It was my selfish way to make you wake up, want to try and get help-” You say with your voice shaking, but he interrupts you.

“Hey” He says, “It wasn’t selfish”

“I-”

“No, you’re going to hear me, now” He interrupts, “How can you say that what you did was selfish when you were trying to help me? That makes no sense! I’m not getting help yet, but if that’s what you want me to do, I’ll call my dad right fucking now and I’ll go to a clinic tomorrow”

“Rafe” You start, turning back to look at him.

“I know I’m supposed to do this for myself and not anyone else, but fuck. I’ve been dating you for years. I love you more than I’ll ever love myself. I can’t lose you. Not over something that I did”

A sob escapes your mouth and you cover it with your hand. Rafe, with that, pulls you to his chest and wraps his arms around you.

“Just please, give me another chance” He whispers into your hair, “This time, I’ll get all the help I need. I won’t ever push you away, or put anything before me and you”

You wrap your arms tightly around his torso and sniffle into his chest.

“Okay” You whisper, “But you have to promise me that you’ll get the help as soon as possible”

You look up at him, still hugging him, and he looks down at you.

“I promise”

A faint smiles is drawn over your lips and Rafe presses a kiss onto your wet cheek, pulling you back into the tight hug.

“I’ll call my dad tomorrow” He whispers.

“And I’ll be there with you” You whisper back.

- - - - - - -

I honestly almost cried while correcting this. Am I the only one?

[rhenuvee]

The Heart in You (Fred Weasley x reader)

A/N: Remember when I said I was going to be a turtle when using Tumblr bc I’m new? My dumbass couldn’t find the delete button- dEaDaSs cLoWnErY right here.

Summary: Both you and Fred are known to have a playful type of rivalry, and none of you two want to be the first to ‘be nice’ to the other. But one day he starts acting weird, and you start feeling bad. 

Warnings: swearing :0

*I realized I’m an idiot for not doing this sooner so tell me if you’d like to be tagged in my future fics. I write for 3 fandoms so please specify which one!*

——————————

Yours and Fred’s rivalry was known to almost everyone in Hogwarts.

You were sort of friends, sure. You had most classes with each other, and sat next to him in Charms. You weren’t always a jumpy type of person, in fact before Fred started annoying you, you were quite shy. You couldn’t bother to remember when the bickering started.

He called you names, stole your belongings, bumped into you purposely in the halls, and now blocked your way when getting out of class. And the worst part, he did it all with that stupidly attractive smile of his. Merlin, how silly did you have to be to be distracted by someone where only their smile could make your knees go weak?

Fifteen seconds left... 

It was almost like the clock was giving you anxiety.

“Class...” started Professor Snape with his slow, dramatic tone of voice. You didn’t want to give Snape the impression that you hated his class, but just this once, you had to be the first one to exit. You moved your leg slightly out of the seat, and your hand gripped your bag tightly, swung over your shoulder.

“... dismissed-”

You dashed for the door immediately, and rather sloppily, probably broke or crumpled up things in your bag, but you didn’t care. To your dismay, you collided with a tall, red headed, figure, smiling right down at you. 

“Nice try princess.” You looked up to lock your gaze with none other than Fred. His smirk met with your scowl.

“Fred stop blocking my way!” You protested, trying to push him out of the way. Sadly, with his years playing as beater, it didn’t take much force for him to use his arms and stay in place.

He used his tall stature to block the doorway of the classroom, with his arm stretched out so you couldn’t get out. This wasn’t a first, in fact, you lost count a few weeks ago. He made you late to quite a few classes and meals. 

A few students exiting gave both of you weird looks, and most treating it as if this wasn’t the first time this happened- because well, it wasn’t. 

“Come on lovebirds, there’s plenty more time at lunch to flirt.” said George. He too seemed tired of your bullshit as he leaned on the wall outside of the class. You huffed as you fixed yourself up, and made an ugly face at Fred. He in turn made a kissy face back at you, which made you rush out the door, with your face flushed red.

That annoying jerk, you thought, he always knew how to get to you. But he wasn’t done with you yet. You made your way to the Gryffindor table and sat across from Angelina. The twins as usual, came bouncing in right behind you and sat next to you, one on each side.

“You know love, if you kept making that face it might get stuck like that.” He said leaning with his elbow on the table. “Oh and how would you know that hm? Is it because it happened to you?” you shot back. But deep inside you knew that wasn’t true- it was the last thing his face would be, he was gorgeous. George ooed at your statement and Angelina rolled her eyes but smiled.

“Liar liar as always (y/n), when will you admit that you’re mad for me.” he said cheekily. Of course he had something to say back that would make your face red. “Another day...” sighs Angelina resting her hand on her forehead.

-----

Your body tensed when Professor McGonagall asked everyone to find partners to practise dancing. None of the boys seemed willing to get up from their seat, who would want to practise with you, let alone ask you to the ball? 

“C’mon let’s go.” said Angelina taking your hand and leading you to the twins. Oh no, not them, not Fred... 

“George would you like to practise with me?” Angelina asked. “Yeah, sure.” replied George before winking to you and Fred. You stood there frozen with your brows furrowed, how could they? 

“Well, let’s get to it darling.” he said. “Tch, whatever.” you muttered turning away from his gaze, and getting slightly hotter when he put his one hand on your waist and the other linked with your hand. 

You kept looking back at McGonagall, trying to follow her steps, and also down at your feet a lot. To be honest, you didn’t want to meet Fred’s eyes. A few minutes later, you realized he hadn’t said anything or teased you at all. You slowly lifted your head to see what was up. 

You were surprised to see his head was also down, looking at his feet. He looked up when he felt your gaze, but instead of his usual smirk and flirty one-liner, you were met with an expression you haven’t seen. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, cheeks with a tiny bit of pink, and eyes filled with... confusion, or concern? 

“Sorry love, I almost stepped on your foot there.” he said sheepishly. This was new. You weren’t sure if he was playing or being genuine. “It’s okay.” you reply quietly, unsure of his behaviour.

Midway through the lesson, you could count the number of times he said “Sorry” or “My apologies darling.” It was quite a lot of times, and the weirdest part was that he seemed truly sorry for accidentally stepping on you a few times. You appreciated that he apologized, but this was strange. When Professor McGonagall announced that the dance lesson was finished, you both sighed, and just stood there for an awkward moment. 

“Reckon whoever’s going to the ball with me will have an interesting dance.” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah...” you said softly.

“So how was it?” asked George as he and Angelina came over from their spot. “Couldn’t really get it...” replied Fred looking down at his hands. Was he... embarrassed? 

Suddenly you felt a little guilty for spurting insults at him earlier, and for hitting him in the arm with your books, and calling him names. Yes, he had done the same too, but it wasn’t like someone as confident as him to get embarrassed and shy. You hoped that it wasn’t your continuous back and forth that made him feel worse of himself.

---

This weird behaviour continued into the next week. People around you were shocked to see you both dialed down at least 50%. You hated to admit it, but you secretly missed the playful banter you had with him.

The Yule Ball was coming closer, and you still didn’t have a date. “Go with Fred.” said Angelina casually. “Are you joking?” you asked. 

“Oh? And I thought you both calmed down and finally admitted your feelings to each other.” You groaned at her statement. Alicia and Katie came over. “(Y/n), why can’t you see that he fancies you too?” asked Katie. 

“W-well even if he does, I don’t think he does anymore...” you said timidly. “He’ll probably say yes anyway (y/n).” said Alicia reassuring you.

You pursed your lips. They knew you liked him, and you hated that. You were a girl who rivalled against him, both competing for a better argument and the last word. You were told constantly that he flirted with you because he fancied you. Some of your retorts you admit might’ve been a bit much, so why would he like you after all that?

---

The next day, you walked in the Charms classroom with a weird feeling in your stomach. You felt even weirder when Fred plopped himself down, and put his stuff down on the floor of his side? Usually he dropped his belongings smack in the middle, invading your space, claiming he needed ‘more room for his long limbs’, and that you could spare a bit of your space. 

“Not going to put your stuff here?” you asked. “Didn’t want to disturb you.” he said before turning back to Professor Flitwick.You could tell that he didn’t sound his best, when he said that. But still, shouldn’t he be busy kicking you under the table, or looking over at your parchment?

---

“Fred!” you shouted a little too loudly as you tried to catch up with him after class ended. He turned around and walked back over to you, before waving to his twin telling him he’ll be there later. Your heart already started beating faster.

“Um, a-are you okay?” you asked. Well, that was a bit too general wasn’t it. “Course, why wouldn’t I be?” he smiled at you, until he went back to looking down at his feet, his hair covering part of his face so you couldn’t see it. Now you really felt sorry, you didn’t know what caused him to act less energetic, less loud, less of himself, but you didn’t want to be one of the sources. 

You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that you were going to hex the girls if this went wrong. “Please (y/n), we wouldn’t want to go without you!” the girls voices from the other day rang in your head. 

“I-I was wondering... if you wanted to go to the Yule ball with me..?” you asked shyly. “Hm?” he hummed, not looking up. 

“Would you like to... gototheYuleballwithme?” you said the last part rather quickly, almost a whisper so no one in the hall could hear you. Your face was beet red, scared to face Fred’s reaction.

...

“Knew you would give in darling.” he said brushing the hair out of his face and smirking at you. The familiar fiery hot boiling feeling began to rise from within you, and unfortunately to your face. “And I would love to go with you.” he said.

“Wh- I- FRED!!” you yelled out of anger and embarrassment. “Always knew you had a heart in you, was just waiting for when you’d show it-” “FRED WEASLEY, YOU’RE SUCH AN ASS!” you yelled frustrated. 

“Aw, it’s okay (y/n), I mean- hey! You there! Guess who asked me to the Yule ball!” he said tapping a random person on the shoulder. “Fred-” “In fact- EVERYONE! GUESS WHO JUST ASKED ME TO THE YULE BALL-” 

“FRED!” you said hitting him in the arm. He was too busy laughing his ass off to feel the pain of your hit. “I hate you.” you hissed, as he calmed down. “I think you’re cute too.” he said sweetly. 

“All that ‘sadness’ since the dance practice for the ball was all an act?” you asked frowning. “Well, I wouldn’t call it sadness. But since you said so- I’m feeling a lot better now that you think I’m handsome.”

“I didn’t say-“

“See you at the ball, love.”  he said bringing his hand softly to the side of your neck to kiss you on the cheek. You froze with your eyes wide. You were ashamed to say that your mind kept replaying the moment. A few seconds later, your mind snapped back to reality, and started going after Fred.

“F-Fred! You can’t just randomly do things like that! Come back here!” you yelled as he too started running. Both your voices echoed in the distance. George and Angelina saw as the two of you rushed by the entrance of the great hall, up to your usual chase.

“How long until you think they get married?” asked Angelina to George.

“Tomorrow.”

—————————

Link to pt 2: Here

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.

[brytmoon]

i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

[artificialqueens]

Pulling Leaves Off Trees, Chapter 1: Been Through the Wringer a Couple Times (Multi) - Sportkuras

Summary:

c’est bon: damnnn

c’est bon: wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s

human girl: @jansport spill

Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message.

“Oh, goddamn it.”

—

Or: The girls try to survive college, and everything else that comes with almost being an adult.

A/N: my first fic here on artificialqueens! i noticed that arent many college au’s and group chat fics of the s12 cast so i let myself be self-indulgent for once!! its unbeta’d so apologies lmao but you can talk to me here and you can find the ao3 link here! comment if you’d like!

***

Jan started her morning like almost every college student in their third year would: to be woken up by their alarm after a night of heavy drinking. She woke up with a start and groaned as Chromatica II started blaring from her phone, blindly reaching for it on her nightstand and peering at the time.

Damn. One in the afternoon, huh?

“Thank god I don’t have class today.” The blonde muttered as she checked her notifications: 7 from Twitter, 3 from Insta, and 1 from their group chat. She sat up from her bed and scrolled through the chat, trying to quell her pounding headache.

Bon Voy

Members: jaidaessencehall, heidininacloset, jansport, jackiecox, gigigoode, crystalmethyd, britafilter, dahliasin, nickydoll, aidenzhane, and widowvondu

lebron essence ball: okay so

lebron essence ball: me and shea are at the library rn and she’s complaining to me abt how she couldnt sleep right

lebron essence ball: and chile….it was bc someone was getting RAILED last night lmaooo

lebron essence ball: she said, and i quote, “the bitch had such a good time even I’M jealous”

c’est bon: damnnn

c’est bon:wait. jan isnt your apartment near shea’s

human girl: @jansport spill

human girl: also

human girl: feels weird that we didn’t start this day with a good morning announcement from jan

c’est bon: the vibes were off 😞

Jan could feel her stomach drop as she looked at the message, “Oh, goddamn it.” She’s now acutely aware of their apartment door opening and Rock’s footsteps padding from outside her room, most likely just coming home from her class. She suddenly remembered exactly what happened last night; most especially memories of what happened between her and her roommate . Memories of them being drunk as hell, coming back to their apartment from god knows how many bars, going to Jan’s room giggling like teenagers on a sleepover and well. You know.

Jan checked her phone again.

lebron essence ball: jannette….would you happen to know who was the lucky gal? 👀

backpack backpack: good morning to you too gigi 🙄

human girl: *Afternoon, actually

human girl: Now spill! I know you know almost everyone on that floor.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. How in the hell was she gonna say that her and Rock got drunk and hooked up as casually as possible? She could lie, but Jaida, Brita and Widow could smell bullshit coming from a mile away, and she’s a horrible liar. They’d know she was bluffing.

Might as well get it over it. She let out a sigh as she typed out a message, hoping that it was only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.

backpack backpack: haha yeah so um

backpack backpack: that was me & rock actually

Even though no one could see her, Jan hid her face behind her hands, bracing for the worst. Several dings!  had come from her phone as soon as she sent the message. Of course it wasn’t only Jaida, Nicky and Gigi who were online.

cox destroyers: Oh my god.

Jan’s eyes widened when she saw Jackie reply, although she’s not quite sure why she was panicking about Jackie knowing about her hook up with Rock in the first place. All she knows is that she’s gonna have to face Jackie (and everyone else, for that matter,) later.

sin city: ohhh bitch—

c’est bon: you and ROCK???

dom top: !!!

dom top: idk who Rock is but get it sister

backpack backpack: Thank you! Thank you, Heidi. It’s like you’re the only one who’s not acting weird right now.

c’est bon: lmao heidi

c’est bon: she’s jans roommate

human girl: Janice Elizabeth Sport.

von du for two: not this shit again i swear to god

tap water: Jan.

tap water: You know that I love you

tap water: BUT WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH YOUR ROOMMATES

Jan rolled her eyes at the messages, wanting the ‘news’ to be over as soon as possible. “And they say I’m the dramatic one.” She huffed as she quickly typed on her phone again.

backpack backpack: okay can y’all chill 🙄

backpack backpack: we just got drunk and slept together, that’s all.

backpack backpack: tell shea im sorry though xxxx @jaidaessencehall

lebron essence ball: bitch you know it ain’t about having a drunk hookup with someone

lebron essence ball: its about the fact that you banged your roommate AGAIN

backpack backpack: oh COME ON

backpack backpack: this was just the second time!!

backpack backpack: and lemon’s with priyanka now!!!

von du for two: girl you & lemon were fucking almost every week i can’t with u

von du for two: going at it like rabbits while we were outside your apartment getting ready to watch glee :/

tap water: and, frankly, i don’t want to come up to your apartment to run lines with you if i have to hear y’all fooling around. my good, christian ears have heard enough.

She felt her face heat up in embarrassment.

backpack backpack: oh my god can you guys please shut up!!!!

backpack backpack: it’s not gonna happen again bc it was a one time thing

backpack backpack: i promise

human girl: [dwayne the rock johnson voice] are you sure about that?

backpack backpack: yes georgina goode i am 100% sure

Jan bit her lip as she looked up at the door to her room. Okay, she’s not 100% sure, but not because she regretted it or anything. As much as her brain was allowing her to remember, last night was good. Great, even. But between auditions, college, and working in the café, her love life (or lack thereof) is on pause for now. Besides, it’s not like anyone has been actively pursuing her, or vice versa.

But it wouldn’t hurt to ask Rock, right?

Sighing in defeat, Jan quickly got up from her bed with her phone still in her hand (as much as her hangover allowed her), left her room and knocked on her roommates door, hoping that she wasn’t busy. She heard a faint “come in!” from the other side and opened the door softly.

“Hey, roomie.” She joked.

Rock looked up from her drawing tablet and slipped off the headphones from her ears. “Glad to see you’re finally awake, and here I thought you were a morning person.” Rock’s room was a mess of color and paraphernalia; while Jan’s was strictly purple, pop culture, and musical theater, hers was an array of figurines and albums on the shelves, kpop & anime posters tacked on the wall behind her bed reaching up to the ceiling, and a somewhat decent gaming setup in the corner of her room. Crystal and Nicky would be proud.

Jan rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well, last night was something,” She slightly cleared her throat at the mention of last night. “Also, about last night…”

Rock raised her brow, “Go on?”

“It was a one time thing, right?” Jan furrowed her brows in question, “I mean, last night was amazing , as much my brain is allowing me to remember. And you’re hot, so, I’m not complaining. Really dig the anime e-girl vibe, and I’m sure anyone would tap that ass! I mean, I did, but I’m just—”

“—Not looking for anything right now?” Rock cut her off, saving Jan from turning into a hungover, rambling mess.

She let out a sigh of relief, sitting on her roommates bed and putting her phone down, “Yeah, doll. Just been really busy right now, y’know? 3rd year isn’t a joke.”

The pink-haired girl let out a snort, “Oh, I know the feeling. And don’t worry, I wasn’t looking for anything either, and while last night was fun,” She looked at her pointedly, and Jan was calm enough to actually smirk at the incident between the two, “I’d much rather have you as my friend than as my fuck buddy, because you are loud , girl!”

Jan shrieked at that, “Oh my god, shut up!” She threw a pillow at Rock’s head while the girl let out a cackle, “My friends were on my ass about that too, some friends they are.”

“Wait, you told your friends about that? Aren’t you friends with Nicky?”

Jan huffed, “Mama, more like I was forced to tell them. Jaida’s friend, Shea—whose apartment is next to ours, by the way—was complaining to her about how she couldn’t sleep last night because of, um, my tendency to be vocal.”

“You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Rotted bitch!” Jan threw another pillow at Rock, this time missing because the girl was doubled over in laughter, “I can’t believe you! The disrespect, really. I shouldn’t be taking this from you, I still have a shift to do at 3.”

“But you took it from me real good last night, so,” this time Rock shielded her face as Jan threw pillow after pillow at her, trying to speak through her laughter, “Okay, okay! I give, I give! I’m sorry, mom!”

“Bitch! I can be a top if I want to!” Jan exclaimed in mock offense. As their laughter subsided, the blonde suddenly had an idea, “Oh! What if I invite you over for dinner?”

Rock smirked, “One: we’re roommates. It’s not really inviting me to dinner if we eat in the same room. And two: I thought you said you weren’t looking for anything?”

“I mean dinner with my friends, gorg. All 11 of us eat together at least once a week, this time we’re gonna crash at Heidi, Jaida and Brita’s. Maybe you wanna come and meet them? I know you and Nicky know each other somehow, so it wouldn’t be too awkward, right?”

“Introducing me to the family already? Ain’t that a bit too early for you, Ms. Sport?”

“More like introducing you to a bunch of kindergartners,” Jan muttered as she checked her phone for any new notifications, “But yeah, I want them to know you as my roommate and friend , not as my roommate who I slept with.”

Bon Voy

dom top: okay so jans sex life aside

dom top: y’all are still coming over tonight?

sin city: yes girl!! college sucks ass sm i need to eat my feelings

c’est bon: wouldn’t miss it for the world mon ami xoxo

cox destroyer: I’m gonna be a little late! I just have to return and borrow some stuff in the library.

human girl: can we please order pizza hut <3

lebron essence hall: no <3

von du for two: we are going to order dominoes like civilized people

human girl: ugh fine, all of you have 0 taste

human girl: crys said yes btw she just has class right now

tap water: aiden said she’s gonna come too, she just can’t message the chat bc she’s still in her shift

Jan grinned at Brita’s message, finally getting the chance to steer the conversation away from her.

backpack backpack: So if she can’t message the chat because of her shift, why’s she messaging you, miss brittany filter?? 👀

Jan can feel Brita’s eye roll from miles away.

tap water: She speaks!

tap water: And don’t act like this conversation isn’t over, Miss Janice Sport. You have a lot of explaining to do.

“So, are ya gonna introduce me as your forbidden, but passionate lover? Whose romance was short-lived, yet wild, fiery and unforgettable?”

Now it was Jan’s turn to let out a cackle as she left Rock’s room, “More like my chaotic mess of a roommate who farted herself awake!”

This time it was Rock’s turn to gasp in offense, “That was one time and you fucking know it! And my answer is yes, by the way!”

Jan sent a message to the chat before grabbing her towel and putting her phone away to take a shower.

backpack backpack: oh btw i’m inviting rock to hang out with us!!! I promise she’s super fun and that we’re just roommates and see y’all soon please dont kill me or make it awkward with rock xxxx

tap water: are you

tap water: kidding me.

von du for two: oh for the love of GOD

***

[nympsycho-ao3]

Hi so sorry if this is a weird question. I start college next week and I'm really nervous and overwhelmed. I graduated high school almost 5 years ago so I'm really late getting to it, I don't remember a whole lot about school life. Do you have any advice?

Not sure why youre asking a random smut writer on the internet but i would love to help if i can!

I was a huge lazy sack of shit in college ahhaha. My college years were spent either drunk or high for the vast majority of it. So my first piece of advice is to dont do that lmao. I missed out on a lot of fun, socializing, and networking because i was inebriated alone in my room. Id imagine with covid its even harder to meet new people so take every opportunity you can.

Find at least 1 person in every class that can cover for you if you miss notes or have questions about material. Youll generally make a friend too which is a nice bonus but really that safety net is nice. Dont abuse it either, like dont skip class for days then just ask for notes lmao.

On that note go to class strategically. I was able to skip a few classes every semester in their entirety bc they were easy and i got away with it but if they take attendance make sure you go. Again with covid im not sure with this stuff but actually give a fuck about the stuff youre learning. I wish i did instead of just memorizing and forgetting. I wont tell you to go to every class every time bc fuck that, but prioritize the classes you simply cant skip.

Treat studying like a job. It is so much easier to study like an hour a day than cram studying in 10 hours overnight for an exam. Im a huge hypocrite with this so do as i say not as i do lmao.

Going into it late in the game is actually kind of a good thing because you might not be tempted into the dumb bullshit like drugs and booze like i was. Just keep it to the weekend like i shouldve hahaha

If youre on a campus, go out and enjoy it. Some of my fav parts of college were just going out and enjoying the campus and what it offered. Maybe better advice for spring but... nonetheless.

I shouldve put more effort into making friends. I really came out 4 years of college with no friends to speak of because i made the conscious decision to keep to myself because i am naturally a loner and comfortable alone. Still, i think i would have overall had more fun if i got to know the really cool people in my program.

In general, take the opportunity to leave your comfort zone. It's college, no one is expecting you to be perfect. Just have some fun while you can take advantage of the safety net of college and the bad decisions youre allowed to make. As long as you keep your grades up (or passable, which i recommend making your perrogative instead of perfection) go out, get laid, try new things, meet new people, learn new things, and enjoy expanding your worldview with little consequence.

Remember that everyone lives in their little bubble. I was so afraid of embarrassing myself that i avoided doing a lot of fun things. Not a single person gives a fuck about you in a way that theyre judging you like you think they are. So just do you, be the cool older person in the class that can buy the youngins booze (do this at your own risk but it was fun for me lmao) and tell stories like a grandparent. Also, on that note, dont be surprised at how fucking stupid these kids are. You might be the oldest and wisest in the class. Just enjoy the stupidity at your beckoning call and take it in, sometimes it's better than TV. dont hold it against them though, we were all stupid 18 yos once.

Dont ask a ton of questions in class. I mean a few is fine but not a lot. It just makes class run longer. Anyone who cares is doing the following: either asking them after class, going to office hours, or emailing the professor. Do that.

Speaking of office hours. Youll probably need some reference letters when you graduate to apply for jobs. Pick like 1 cool professor a year and really buddy up to them so you can use them as a reference. Yay, using people! And hey you might get some cool stuff out of it. Talking with my professors was always pretty neat and enlightening. They will know what youre doing but they know the game too and theyre just happy youre putting effort into earning the reference. Just dont get boners for the hot ones like i did oop--

And uuhh flash cards. All my homies love flash cards. I still have all my digital ones from my classes for no reason but... they came in clutch!

I didnt work through college bc im a privileged little brat but, i think i would have had my shit together more if i did. So depending on your major find something relevant and maybe find a flexible part time gig (easier said than done im aware)

I graduated with a 3.8 gpa and a damaged liver and lungs but hey i survived! Hope this helped. Again im not the best person to ask bc i really hated my major and most of my classes but i saw them as necessary stepping stones to my current job. Oh well!

Good luck anon. I know you will do very well even in these covid times. Just take your shit seriously! Unlike me...

Dont go to fucking parties unless youre an asshole and/or vaccinated or until this covid shit blows over please!!!

[tender-blooming-devotions]

soft soft hours (a lot of soft feelings under the cut)

okay, i just. i really wanna say things. bc i’m really soft and grateful for things. and, well, i need to think about things that aren’t my current living situation.....

i have made a few friends here, on tumblr. and sure, perhaps one of them uh... did not work out. but, yknow what? it’s... it’s okay. i still have a few that haven’t left, and the possibility to meet others as well!

to the new mutuals that followed me recently: hello! i’m really glad that you decided to follow me, whether it be because of finding me at random or through my promo post or some other reason! it truly means so so much to me. i’m hoping that my classes calm down so that i can have a more regular posting/interacting schedule rather than, well, spamming notifications once or twice a day, and i hope to get to know you all better as well!

to the mutuals i have from that ex-friend situation: i won’t specifically say their urls but, they know who they are <3 i need to tell you just how grateful i am that you decided to stick around instead of blocking me and never speaking to me again. i was a little worried that first day, i’ll be honest. i honestly had no idea what was going on, it was kind of traumatizing, in a way (that might be an overexaggeration but, i haven’t felt so frazzled and upset since. well. traumatic events that happened previously). but you guys... instead of taking a side, you comforted us both, and that really takes a lot of dedication and skill. i really want you to know i appreciate you so much. thank you. <3

to my bestest friends: it’s been a wild week of me panicking a lot, and honestly? i have no idea how you have put up with all my bullshit, especially on the first day. but despite how unconsolable i was, you still tried. i tell you guys this every day that i talk to you, but i’ll say it again: i love you so, so much. i really don’t think i could imagine a life without you guys in it, that’s just how attached i am at this point. thank you for sticking with me and supporting me 100% no matter what. 

to the friend that randomly dragged me into FFVII hell: you’ll never see this post, because i’m too afraid to tell you about self shipping habits that i have, but... even so, i’m so happy that you let me watch you play FFVII remake. we had a lot of fun calling for seven hours straight, then nine hours straight the next day... we really did go feral with that game, huh? i’ve known you since high school... since middle school, actually. you introduced me to dan//ganron//pa, which led to my pers//ona 3/4/5 phase, which led to the jj//ba and b//sd hours i had so much of... it’s funny, i still have all of the notes you gave to me during our junior/senior years, most of which are just koki//chi sketches, and it made me a bit sad when we graduated bc i was worried we would drift apart, and we did for a while, but... now, everything’s back to normal, and i care you,,,,, i care you a lot <3

to my ex-mutual, if she reads this: hey. things kind of... ended really badly, huh? i know, you’re expecting me to blame you for it, but honestly? no... i need to apologize for being so hot-headed about the situation. it had already been a rather horrible day and... i didn’t really mean for things to go that way. regardless, we’re not friends anymore... and, well, i know you don’t miss me, and i want you to know that it’s okay. i hope you can move on from this, perhaps stop checking my blog after this post, because this is where i reassure you... i’m not going to trash you or your blog. in fact, i think you deserve positive attention, even if we blew up at each other. i truly hope that you can find someone better than me, someone that’s a bit less stressed out and anxious all the time. i already miss you, so much, yknow, but... i really do understand. good luck out there, yeah? i still believe in you no matter what.

[officialcolumbiauniversity]

October 9. Exactly a month later, funny how I work

What’s good, I’m still thriving hope you are too :)

Only a month in and I’ve already had one midterm; I have two more before Friday (it’s Wednesday). Usually I know how well I’m going to do going in; these two? I absolutely do not. It’s mostly because I have never taken classes remotely similar to either before, yet I’ve gone to every lecture, so it’s really just roulette at this point. But I’m rolling with it!

I got a job: I walk dogs with Wag! I get to walk some heckin cute dogs, and my step count has shot up to a daily 15-20k effortlessly. It’s actually been pretty slow this week, but last week I made about $80 which was nice pocket money. I had to spend it all bc I had a few haircare-related emergencies but I plan on using the money I earn from now on to open a Roth IRA before the semester ends, and then after that saving for a nice spring break vacation w my boo. when i said i’m thriving!

Academically, I do need to find a tutor for physics, because my prof is a pretty bad lecture and I’ve fallen behind on textbook readings, so if any of y’all know good Columbia peer tutors for 1401, please hook a girl up. Also, I’m (finally) taking gen chem lab, and I am somehow failing! My TA has her head up her ass and takes points off for incredible things. But on the other side, I haven’t missed a single pset in physics or a single lab report in gen chem. 

I’m actually taking an intro course in coding (in Python) this semester, and it’s my most rewarding class and also the class I’m doing the best in! With minor help from friends, I’m completing all the projects by myself and I couldn’t be prouder. It’s also my only 4-credit course this semester, so with any luck it’ll cushion my GPA. I’ve always been intimidated by computer science, so my success in this class so far is really validating.

I know it sounds like I don’t have much of a life outside of classes, and that’s kind of true, but I’m actually really happy with my life as it is! I don’t go out into the city much, but the thrill I used to get from that, or from going out with friends weekend nights, I now get from staying on top of my classes. That might be because I’m taking all STEM courses this semester for the first time, which really excites me! These days, if I’m not in class, studying or at required sorority/URC events, I’m either in the lab, playing/running with my dog, or in my dorm watching Netflix and snacking. I get the occasional meal--maybe 5 meals a week--with a friend, and I have frequent study sessions with the new friends I’ve made in my intro-level courses. Weekends I usually run errands and do chores, with Saturday being my “veg out” day and Sunday being my “weekly cleanup” day (laundry, vacuuming, grooming my dog, etc.). Mondays I’m back on my bullshit!

Thanks for checking in; catch you in the next one :)

[squiishiichaos]

Rikuroku? And they only start getting along after they make sora cry ((maybe out of frustration bc they were always arguing or fighting)) and learn they have a ton in common

(Anon.  What the fuck.  Why would you make me do this to Sora?

…but okay.  Here you go.)

_______________

Sometimes, life was like glass–fragile and easily broken. Other times, no matter how hard Roxas slammed the bottle against a tile counter, it just refused to fucking break.

Sometimes–like now–it was a bit of both.  

Staring at his long-time best friend on the brink of tears, he could do nothing but glare at their only mutual friend where he stood leering sidelong at the floor from his place leaned stoically against the wall.  

With his hands folded across his chest, Riku looked angrier than he had any right being considering he was the one who started this whole fucking thing.  If he had just listened to Roxas the last eight-hundred times he told him to leave him the fuck alone, maybe Sora wouldn’t look like someone had kicked his goddamn puppy.

But no.  Of course not.  

Because Riku just had to march his ass into the gym at the exact same time Roxas was using it to conveniently skip class and he just had to give him that fucking look like he was the worst piece of garbage on this fucking green Earth. And yeah, okay, maybe he had jumped the gun when he asked him what the fuck he was looking at, but could you blame him?  

How Sora could even put up with accusatory looks like that was fucking beyond him, but then again, with all the glares pointed at him, maybe Sora didn’t know the all-consuming rage it brought along with it.

He certainly did now–if Riku’s bloody nose was anything to go by.   Though–and Roxas would never admit this out loud–Riku had managed to slug him a good couple times before their friend came to the rescue.  

Then–then–he had the audacity to tell him he was fucking lucky.  What bullshit!   Lucky for who?  Himself, maybe, because Roxas was just getting warmed up.

“Stop it!”

Roxas paled as the Brunet tried–and failed–to compose himself with a sniffling breath.  “Stop what?  I’m not even doing anything!”

“I know you, Roxas!  Don’t you dare try and tell me that if I wasn’t standing right here, you wouldn’t go right back to fighting him!”  

Oh, no, there was no question about that.

So, he stayed silent and let that glassy glare bore right through to his soul as Sora seethed, “that’s what I thought.” A low growl that had no right coming out of Sora’s mouth–of all places–was followed by a drag of hands down sun-kissed skin.  “You guys cannot keep doing this.  It was okay when you were just teenagers, but we are about to graduate University, guys!  You’re too old for this shit!”

Oh, fuck.  Riku and Roxas shared the same wide-eyed look from across the gym as that one out-of-place word set off alarm bells in both their minds.  

But before either of them could dare say a word to try and assuage the obvious hue of anger dusting the Brunet’s cheeks, he was already huffing out the last signs of tears from his lungs and staring them both down with hands poised dangerously on his hips.

“Look,” he began with a sharp edge, “This is the last time.  I want to be friends with both of you without biting my nails any time I want to invite the both of you.   I’m not asking for much, here.  I don’t care if you hate each other, just figure shit out so you don’t get me arrested as an accomplice in murder.

“Now,” and he clapped his hands loud enough that they both nearly jumped, “I’m gonna give you guys some time alone.  Talk.  Fight. Blow each other.  I don’t fucking care, just…please.  I will not choose between the two of you.”  

With that, the Brunet stalked over to the door and left two behind to stare at his wake.

The click of the door shutting came with a tension that settled in a miasma between them thicker than any mystery meat the cafeteria back in Twilight Town had ever served.  It was suffocating.  Debilitating.  But it also came with a punch to the gut that had Roxas right back into the same fight-or-flight response that got them into this mess in the first place.

His conscience told him, this is where you say sorry, but the devil sitting pretty on his shoulder whispered, make him eat shit and grovel.  

Guess which one he fucking chose.   “This is all your fault.”

“Excuse me?”  At least Riku had the decency to sound as annoyed as Roxas felt.  “You attacked me, remember?  All I did was open the fucking door!”

“Oh, horseshit!  You could’ve just ignored me and gone somewhere else!”

“Where else would you like me to go, huh?”

“Literally anywhere I’m not!”  

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Roxas, I don’t know where the fuck you are at every fucking hour of the goddamn day!   I know this might be hard for your paranoid mind to understand, but sometimes, I actually do shit that doesn’t revolve around you.  Most of the time, in fact!”

Okay, that did it.   “What the actual fuck, Reek?  You make it sound like I’m obsessed with you or something!”

“Oh, like you’re not?”  Roxas actually reeled back at that one.  Is that how it seemed?  Like he had a-a-grade school crush or something?  

“Fuck no!  Eww, why the fuck would I ever be obsessed with you?!”

Green jades narrowed into a piercing leer.  “You’ve been the bane of my existence since we were fourteen-fucking-years-old.  Any time I tried to just hang out with Sora, you’d get all defensive–”

“Yeah, because you hogged him all to yourself!  You literally threw a tantrum for three days straight because he asked Kairi to the Beach Ball instead of you!” Riku made rolling his eyes somehow look like the most dramatic action in the entire world.   It only pissed Roxas off more that he actually made it look–dare he say it–good.

“And what about you, huh?  You quit Hayner cold turkey for three whole months because he called Sora stupid once.”

“He fucking deserved that shit.” A slight quirk at the corner of Riku’s lips almost pulled a bit of pride from Roxas.  It was so cynical and maniacal–the kind of dark expression the Silveret seemed to reserve only for him.

Only for me?  What the fuck, brain?  No!

“I never said he didn’t, did I?”  Shifting where he stood leaned against the opposite wall, worn sneakers squeaked against the wood floor louder than if one of them had screamed.  It made the distance lingering between them seem even larger than when Sora had been standing in the dead center of it.  Made it feel unnecessary when they were supposedly in the middle of an argument.

But Roxas refused to be the one who closed it.  Adamantly refused.    “Then why the fuck are you bringing it up?”

“You air my dirty laundry, I air yours.” That cocky little smirk.  It stuck there as Riku finally came off his perch and stood tall with a confidence he often swallowed when around his friends.   A suaveness that had once–a long time ago–made him think, I wish I could be that cool.

“What’s next, then?  Wanna remind me of the time I nearly got my own ass jumped by Seifer because I caught him talking shit about Sora?  Or maybe you’d rather tell me about the time that you called me selfish for blowing him off on his birthday!”

“You made him cry on his Birthday! What else did you expect me to do?  You didn’t even have a good excuse!”  

On the contrary, Roxas had a perfectly good excuse.  He had simply refused to explain over the phone how Lea and Isa had been fighting for weeks and that he was honestly afraid their engagement was one bad argument away from lapsing and his entire home life of falling to shit.  Refused to let himself cry on Sora’s shoulder on his Birthday, when he should be happy and stuffing his face with cake.   Or to hear his best friend calmly say, “the party can wait one more night.  You need me more right now,” when he knew that the Brunet had been waiting literal months for that sleepover.

Fat lot of good lying had done him.  Sora had ignored him for a solid week afterwards, and even Riku had refused to look at him.  The only cherry on top of a bad life had been two weeks later, when Riku finally got up the balls to confront him and Roxas got the honor of fracturing his wrist during the ensuing fight.

Not one of his finer moments, but it had certainly gotten a lot of problems off his back in one foul swoop.  

“Whatever, Asshole.  You’re prol’ly still angry I won that fight.”

“Believe it or not, Roxas, that was probably one of the only times I actually respected you.”  

Letting out a harsh bark of a laugh, the Blonde felt his fists ball at his sides.  “Excuse me?”

“You missed that party for him, not you, and I could see the pain it caused written all over your face.  Until then, I really thought you were just a selfish git, but no narcissist could feel that much guilt. In retrospect,” he sighed offhandedly with another of those classy eye-rolls, “I guess I should’ve realized you’d never miss a chance to hang out with Sora without good reason, considering you followed him like a love-struck puppy all the time.”

“Who told you?” It came out weaker than he intended it to.  He wanted it to sound bitter and deadly, but it instead sounded fragile.  Like the bottle he’d been slamming against the kitchen sink was finally on its way to cracking open.

Right now, Riku looked no better.  “I…heard some rumors from one of the members of the Swim Team.  Said they’d had a big break-up right around the same time.”

“And clever little fucking you put the pieces together.”

“Look,” Riku sighed, pushing back the long waves of his platinum hair with equally long fingers, “we obviously have our differences and I don’t wanna be your friend anymore than you probably want to be mine–” Roxas’s harsh laugh cut him off just long enough to elicit a warning glance before he continued–”but I’m not losing Sora because we’re both stubborn pieces of shit.”

“A-fucking-men.”  Scratching angrily at the back of his neck, Roxas glared back at Riku.  “So, what do you propose?”

“A truce.”

Roxas snorted.  “A truce?  What’s next?  A goddamn treaty?  We gonna have to bring in a fucking banker to Notarize it?”

“If we have to, yes.”

“Holy shit,” the Blonde breathed, “you’re fucking serious.”

“Yes,” the Silveret confirmed with another of those piercing leers, “as serious as a heart attack.”  

Huffing out the air from his chest in an oof, Roxas ruffled the messy strands of his unkempt hair and cautiously took a couple steps into the gaping delta between them.   Riku took two of his own, and like pieces on a chessboard, they slowly closed the distance remaining until it was just the two of them–alone in an open room–with nothing but a foot of air between them.  

The last time they’d been this close, Roxas had literally punched the air out of his chest and kneed this fucker in the nose.  Literally about five minutes ago.

Speaking of which, “I’m not gonna say sorry for your nose.”

Riku rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t think you would.”

“If that’s a stipulation of the truce, I’m not agreeing to it.”

“I want your apology even less than you want to give it.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Fucking perfect.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake–can we just shake on this so we can leave with our friendship to Sora in tact?  Please?”  Roxas felt his lips tilt into a snarky grin against his will.

“Is this what I’ve reduced you to, Reek?  Fucking begging?” Jade daggers honed in on his jugular with an accuracy that was almost terrifying when they were close enough the Silveret could actually get a clean shot for his vitals.  Dare he say it, Roxas was almost…proud?

Fuck it.  

Reaching out a hand, Roxas let the grin twist into a challenging smirk.  “I, Roxas, hereby agree to not start shit with you while in the presence of Sora.  This includes–” he faked a gag that earned him a reprimanding slap to the back of his head and his own little demonic laugh–”occasionally engaging you in conversation if the occasion demands it.”

“You know, I’m not that bad.”

“Certainly are easy on the eyes.”

“Did you just–”

“Shake my fucking hand, Reeks.  I ain’t got all damn day.”  

Rolling his eyes, Riku slapped his hand into his and gripped it tight enough to almost earn him a wince.  Never one to be outdone, Roxas squeezed back with enough force to have the Swimmer glaring bloody murder at his would-be corpse.   “I, Riku, too, hereby agree to not start or answer shit with you while in the presence of Sora.  Should that mean putting up with your fucking bullshit–”

“You love me, admit it.”

“Never said I didn’t.”

“Wait–”

“–Then so fucking be it.”

“Alright, now kiss already!”  Never had the two broken apart faster than they did as Xion’s mirthful voice echoed through the empty walls of the gym.  

While Riku maintained a composed air about him, Roxas gaped at the little traitor where she clapped mischievously from her spot beside a cheeky-looking Sora.   With his hands clasped behind his head and that victorious expression painted across his fucking face, the Brunet was–for once–almost unbearable to look at.  

Gazing sidelong at Riku, the Blonde seethed, “this feel like a fucking set-up to you?”

The Silveret shrugged his broad shoulders and pushed his head forward in a playful tease as he walked toward them.  “And you say you’re not paranoid.”

“Hey!  Fuck you, asshole!  I am not paranoid!”  

And just like that, Roxas threw the glass bottle over his shoulder and forgot to listen for the shatter while he ran after his new acquaintance.  

[ahgastae]

💖 fire escape character bgs 💞

hey, everyone!! this is a bit different from what i usually post, but i wanted to do a lil something extra to make up for missing updates recently. so, i decided i wanted to give you guys a little bit more background regarding the characters in fire escape felonies. it’s not anything too story breaking or spoiler-y, but just to kinda get a better idea of the characters and their relationships with each other. it’s also perfectly okay if you’d like to ignore this!! like i said it has no bearing on the actual story and won’t affect it in any way!

now, in the words of jeon jungkook, let’s get it! (under the cut bc this might get a lil long lol)

starting off w the main trio in apartment 320

l/n y/n

twitter @: thotticus

like her twitter bio says, part time student, full time gamer

y/n’s a youtube gamer and has amassed a pretty sizable following for herself

not as much as jungkook tho, something the streamer will never miss a chance to point out

she mostly deals with single player games, the hot new releases that everyone’s talking about

every once in a while she’ll play something mulitplayer w kook but he always brags about how much better he is than her

“wE’Re On tHe SAmE TeAM yOu AsS >:(((((”

“ur still shit lol”

she also vlogs sometimes too but it’s kinda hard when yoongi doesn’t like to be on camera and jungkook is,,,,,jungkook

the only relief she gets is when she’s in class

tho as a psych major even that’s not very much lol

at least the TA’s cute

jeon jungkook

twitter @: goldnmaknae 

used to be a uni student, now a gaming streamer online

streamer, everyone, not youtuber

call him a youtuber and he’ll flip his shit

(looking @ you, yoongi)

mostly plays online mutliplayer games like overwatch or (to y/n’s disgust) fortnite

loves to flex how many more followers he has than y/n

like he fuckin lives for it

but despite how much he likes to tease her, he will play w y/n on stream sometimes

tbh those are probably some of his viewers’ fav streams

their banter and absolute fucking lack of brain cells between them makes for some pretty goldn moments

(eh?? eh???)

(i’m sorry i’ll just move on lol)

min yoongi

claims he doesn’t have a twitter

(tho jungkook firmly believes he has a secret acct to stalk him and y/n with)

“i go to work to get away from you idiots, why tf would i want to see what bullshit you put online??”\

jk, still: suspicious  (←_←)

yoongi says he works at a music shop and his roommates are too trusting and too dumb to actually look into it

he seriously wonders how they haven’t started to question it

like ffs sometimes he doesn’t come home until well past midnight and neither of them even notice??

how they both managed to get into college is and always be a mystery to him

especially after he caught them trying to wash g fuel out of holly’s fur

that’s pretty much how yoongi’s life goes

when he’s not at work, he’s either trying to keep his disaster roommates from killing each other or he’s trying not to strangle them himself

and he’s come a lot closer to the latter than he’d like to admit

next is the gang above, lovely apartment 420

kim taehyung

twitter @: cgv 

not many people know it, but taehyung is actually the anonymous singer ‘v’!

he keeps his identity super well guarded, only telling the people he pretty much trusts with his life

(yes, that includes jimin)

bc he can pretty much choose his own schedule and work from home he spends a lot of time alone in the apartment

a lot,,,of time

impulsively dyes his hair pretty much every other week bc he gets bored and lonely

(rip jimin’s bathroom)

but!!! his music brings money in and it’s bc of his anonymity that he gets to keep his private life, too so he feels like he can’t really complain

owns the cutest doggo in the world aka yeontan

(admittedly another impulsive decision when he was left alone but oh well)

would literally go to hell and back for his dog

and his friends too, i guess, but being a yeontan stan comes first ya know??

park jimin

twitter @: princeofbusan 

jimin teaches contemporary dance at a local studio

his class are mostly oriented for teens and young adults

(and he totally doesn’t get a bunch of teenage girls that are just in his classes bc he’s cute ofc not lol)

the epitome of ‘looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you’

sweet and understanding while teaching but is constantly one step from tearing someone’s head off when he’s w his friends

most of the time poor tae ends up falling the victim

he understand that taehyung gets antsy being home by himself so much but jimin just cannot handle it always being at fucking 11

sometimes he just wants to come home and relax but instead he has to wrestle his pillow away from yeontan or scrub his hands raw trying to keep taehyung’s stupid hair dye from staining his counter top

so yeah, he does get a little pissy sometimes

but that doesn’t mean he still wouldn’t do anything he can to help his friends

believe it or not, there’s actually a pretty big heart in that smol angry body of his

jung hoseok

twitter @: hopeworld 

hoseok works at the same dance studio as jimin, except he teaches hip hop and modern

his classes are mainly children and preteens

seriously tho all the kids adore him and their parents love that he’s able to give them a break for an hour or two

unlike jimin, hobi looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll

tries his best to act as the mediator in the apartment, even if that means sometimes pissing off one of his two roommates

(spoiler alert: it’s mostly jimin)

he’s probably the most understanding of the three, getting where jimin’s frustrations are coming from but knowing that tae doesn’t always really think things through

but he also hates taking sides, and that’s why he sometimes chooses to stay out of it completely

he’ll hang out at the studio and work on choreography or teaching methods to keep himself occupied

at least,,,until one of them drag him back into things to fix it

just stay positive, hoseok

a little hope can go a long ways

and finally, the namjin condo

kim seokjin

twitter @: lejindary

jin works as a pretty well known chef in the city

a very important skill, he says, bc they would have been dead after 3 days if he let namjoon cook

joon somewhat takes offense to this statement

jin doesn’t give a shit

him and hoseok met each other in college, and kept in touch even after they both graduated and moved in with their own dumbass roomies

jin actually met namjoon through hobi

hoseok and namjoon used to be roommates bc they were in the same year, but joon needed someone else to help him with rent after hobi moved out

hoseok suggested seokjin (partially bc he knew namjoon wouldn’t survive cooking on his own) and the rest is history

kim namjoon

twitter @: rmofficial

one h*ckin smart boi

still going to uni for his masters in psychology

lived w hoseok back when they were both getting their bachelors, but moved in with jin after hoseok graduated

he TAs for one of the bachelor’s level psych courses, but his ‘primary’ career is the music he makes outside of school

namjoon is the rapper RM, insanely popular both locally and online

he’s incredibly grateful, but even he has trouble balancing everything in his life every once in a while

(and on his lowest days, he sometimes wishes he’d gone the anonymous route like taehyung)

that’s why, like hoseok, he tries his best to stay out of any arguments among their friend group

it’s not that he doesn’t care, he’s just got way too much going on to worry about some petty disagreement

but they can still always count on joon to help when they really need it

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mentalcurls]

9. Se vi faccio a tutti così schifo

Episode 9 of the Skam Italia S1 analysis! We’re almost at the end of the season already. This time, read my rants about a mysterious guy called Magistrali, Marti and Eva’s friendship and my refuted headcanons. As usual the Bechdel test result are at the end!

“What are you doing?” Silvia is all of us

girls, if only Eva has an headache, how on earth would you all be able to determine whether Sana’s doorkeeper’s technique works or not?

also, Sana has a doorkeeper, which points to 💰💰💰 just like Marisol does for the Fareses

Eva is caught off guard by Silvia’s question just like she was in ep.8 by her mother’s question: she genuinely forgot about the Edoardo thing, she must be focused on school, Giovanni and avoiding the worst consequence of the narrative of the cheating whore that has spread about her at school; on top of that, she expected Eleonora’s reaction when Edoardo followed her on IG and DMed her, which is why she warned her (see the messages from May 18th), not from Silvia who has no reason to know anything

except that Silvia is super aware of the social situation at school, so of course she’s always up to date with all the gossip that goes around, she was the one to tell the girls Federico had cheated on Alice, remember? And if it hadn’t been for the thing with Edoardo, she would have been the one to know about Alice hitting Federico during gym class in ep.7

EVA! Oh, darling,when Silvia asks what you and Edoardo talked about, you can’t look at Eleonora (even though she knows what you talked about) and then pretend you don’t remember! Eva is so bad at lying OMG

Silvia’s bullshit-o-meter is good, running smoothly and perfectly calibrated, except she only uses it when it suits her: she mostly doesn’t want to acknowledge it, like with Laura in ep.1 or with Edoardo, because it confirms all her worst fears about herself, that the popular people she admires so much don’t want her in their midst, on their level; but here Eva has a super low social standing (especially now) so Silvia has no problem confronting her about lying

it’s laundry day and all the dirty secrets that were on the bottom of the closets are being aired out

so on Monday May 14th there was the discussion with Laura outside of Eva’s classroom, which Silvia saw, and Eva gave her a super evasive explanation; on Friday May 18th Edoardo gave Eva a lift; now it’s Monday 21st and Silvia talked to Laura the night before: she clearly wasn’t convinced by Eva’s words from the beginning, but did at what point did the mysterious Magistrali tell her about Eva and Edo? Was it before she talked to Laura, was that the last straw? Or did Silvia talk to Laura first, and then spoke to Magistrali that day at school? Cause those are pretty different situations

btw if you check the chats, Silvia is suspiciously absent from the group chat that weekend, which would point more towards the first case, but if so then Magistrali must have contacted her specifically to tell her about seeing Eva with Edo during the weekend

who’s this Magistrali guy btw? Who is he for Silvia to trust him as a solid source? Who is he to be interested and involved in the whole drama with Silvia and Edoardo, how does he know?

on top of that, I get Silvia believing Laura, she had and has a lot of sway over Silvia, but why does she unquestioningly believe Magistrali? A guy?  Who we never heard of before? Instead of her girls?? Lots of questions, no answers

hate to agree with Edoardo Incanti himself, but Silvia should really not blindly trust all the rumors

Sana is so fiercely loyal, she’s literally a lioness with her cubs when it comes down to her friends

and just like Ele she does not stand for her friends being insulted because of their sex lives with misogynistic words infused with patriarchal connotations

even when Silvia is faced with evidence that she should not believe everything she hears when she hears the full story of the incident at Chicco Rodi’s party from Sana, she still only begins to doubt that Laura is the one holding all the truths

the thing is, if Eva went with Edo, that puts Silvia, in her mind, in the same position and at the same level as Laura, so it’s a chance to get back to a higher level of popularity, cause Silvia’s reputation has been dragged in the mud because of her confronting Edo about the wall of shame and because of her association with Eva; little does it matter that Laura and everyone else doesn’t see it that way, cause Silvia was only dating Edoardo in her mind and because it’s not like a boy cheating on you automatically makes you as popular as another, cooler girl who was cheated on as well

Silvia’s mind is so convoluted, I blame you entirely, Francesca Mirabella (not true, there are definitely some problems with the parenting there too)

“Shit, you’re my friend, I’d never do that to you” because Laura wasn’t your friend Eva? I get you’re word vomiting anything that comes to mind that might help you, but this really doesn’t

“SilviaH, mi credi?” should have prepared us for “MartinoH, guardami MartinoH”

Eleonora’s incredulous head shake

Sana and Eleonora are Eva’s real Parent Friends with the looks™, just look at Sana sigh then look at Ele and then at Eva

there is a pretty high chance that Silvia is the one that mobilized Federica to find out why they weren’t invited to the end-of-school party, I mean, she already had her Revenge Dress™ ready, she had been thinking about it three weeks earlier cause that was gonna be her 1994!Diana moment with Edoardo

would you look at that? Martino, who snubbed Rocco Martucci’s party, still knows enough to be able to tell Eva a) who’s organizing the party b) that Maria is Alice’s best friend c) that the whole Federico debacle is the reason for the missed invite

I don’t know what hurts more: Marti’s “Scusami” after Eva’s tirade or Eva’s “No, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you”

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS FRIENDSHIP! I can’t decide how long Marti and Eva have been friends, if it started when they were kids, kind of like with Marti and Gio, so they were a trio of sorts, except then they became tweens and suddenly girls were gross so Eva was left behind until they ended up in the same class in high school, so they got closer again, at first just as friendly classmates, then as proper friends when the Laura-Gio-Eva thing begun; or if Eva and Marti simply met in high school cause they ended up in the same class and at some point the professors decide they absolutely had to keep Rametta far from Garau and Brighi far from Pandakovic because they were alway distracted and talking so Eva and Marti ended up in sitting next to each other when the two couple of BFFs were switched and they became close then (while Gio and Laura fell for each other); or if started even more recently, only after Gio started dating Laura, so basically while Marti and Eva were forced to third-and-fourth wheel, except then would he know her better enough to say “You wouldn’t have quit, before?” I NEED ANSWERS

“Eva, kick their asses!” EASY FOR YOU TO SAY YOU HYPOCRITE, I hope you went to church and confessed your sins before saying this kind of motivational shit, snake boy

I feel Eva taking deep breaths and talking herself into talking to Maria deep in my bones

btw, I’ve been wanting to say for a few episodes, but those mini skirts (both Eva’s in past episodes and Maria’s friends’) wouldn’t have been allowed at all in my high school, such bad representation!1!1!!1!

Maria Sorgato is such a mood! She’s a couple of weeks away from the maturità, she’s studying and revising like crazy, she’s organizing a huge party on top of that, she don’t got no time to follow the rumor mill, to keep track of people from other years or to specifically exclude people from parties

and she takes the time to give Eva semi-valuable advice anyways (which is pretty similar to what her BFF Alice told Eva at the party btw)! And she refuses to let her friends shame her for her sex life! An icon

and here we have another absolute ICON, Miss Federica Cacciotti, who should totally try her hand at the trapeze cause she definitely had to pull some stunning acrobatics to pull that off

I heard about that method Federica mentions actually: a friend of mine in uni treid it a couple of times to balance work and studying more easily, but she ended up being super stressed on the day of the exam because she didn’t feel confident in what she knew the exams always went poorly

Ele is really pissed off that Silvia doesn’t believe Eva, I think because she feels that after all the support they’ve been giving her, the least Silvia can do is give Eva the benefit of the doubt

noooo, what do you mean Silvia’s not talking to Fede?? They’re inseparable! And it totally invalidates my theory about Silvia having Fede write to Eva about the party bc of the 1994!Diana inspired revenge plan

Sana = the voice of reason, she’s seeing the signs (maybe because she’s seen the signs of breakdowns on other people before, albeit from afar?? *hint hint*)

this is the episode of Sana’s revelations, she’s kind of a deus ex machina

and now the big confrontation: Eva’s got something to say and enough blackmail material to force Laura to listen and she’s not gonna be stopped, dismissed or interrupted

noooo, there goes my theory about Eva Gio and Marti having known one another since primary school, since Eva says she didn’t know anyone when she started high school (💔 it was my fave theory)

on the other hand, I feel ya baby Eva, I too started liceo classico without knowing anyone in my class and only two people in the entire school 💖

on the other hand, let’s talk about Laura: she knew people, so she probably was already somewhat cool among them, and still she went out of her way to extend a hand to the new girl who knew nobody; she was kind and generous and nothing like the person we’ve seen until now. I struggled to believe Gio could have ever liked her up until this moment. The break-up and the resentment she held until this episode was like a poison and turned her into a pretty mean person, but I think that she’s not like that, deep inside.

or maybe she just saw potential in Eva to be the Karen to her Regina and Sara’s Gretchen so she went and befriended her and my theories are all shit

CAN WE TALK about how many of these kids mention not being able to sleep?? Eva has done it two times now, with her mom and with Laura now, Marti will soon start having troubles as well when his dad walks out and in S2 he will repeatedly say he’s been struggling with insomnia; I can’t specifically remember anyone else saying they’re not sleeping but I feel like Silvia or Gio might have said or implied something in past episodes: this is not normal, this is not healthy, at the very least their parents should all be making them drink gallons of chamomile tea!

so Gio and Laura were not doing good and Laura was thinking of breaking up with him already: what a perfectly textbook YA romance novel triangle, and what a perfectly teenager-ish, less-than-logical reason to hold a grudge for this long Laura had

and Eva is so great in this scene: she explains clearly what her thought process was, she takes responsibility for her actions, she apologizes but doesn’t ask to be forgiven and for everything to go back to what it was, aiming for an easier, more attainable goal

oh, and Alice is back, with as many anger management issues as always

Eva puts herself physically between Laura and Alice: she’s been there and she doesn’t want Laura to be on the other side of Alice’s slap

AND FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT EXPLICITLY: Federico is the asshole that goes around cheating systematically on girls, the girls themselves aren’t exactly blameless but they’re not the sole responsible people and they shouldn’t be treated as such

“I’m not able to break up with him” what does that mean?? You realize you’re in a toxic relationship, you ask for help and get the hell out of it as soon as possible! Queen Maria Sorgato, don’t tell me you’re too busy with school and stuff to help your best friend dump an asshole, please! Go support her!

Alice seems like an asshole, but she really simply doesn’t know how to channel her anger properly: she is honestly interested in how thing go for Eva and her boyfriend (even though she’s got the wrong man here), maybe because she empathizes more with him than with her, but let’s not forget that she talked with Eva about Gio before, so that might play a part in it, too

the earth literally falling out from under Eva’s feet as soon as Alice says Martino’s name, the bottom of her stomach dropping, the breath being punched out of her lungs, oh my God

Bechdel test: this episode passes the test, thank God these girls start dealing with their messes without boys and shit finally gets done.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[assholemurphy]

holy fuck, god is real (well, i mean, obvs, but he’s been coming thru for me 90% of the time lately and today is one of those times).

so, not only was i able to go to class and get an idea for what i need to do for my full group project (that i have to finish myself, which is what we’re supposed to do), but i was completely apathetic and not even remotely anxious at all, even on two and a half hours of sleep (tho, i did get an hour nap before our company meeting), but i just checked canvas and holy fuck. my paper, that i thought i was going to have to write tonight in like, 2 hours (bc it’s due at midnight) even tho i haven’t slept and haven’t read enough analysis(es?) of the script (hedda gabler, which i read one act of an promptly decided that, nah, i learned the same shit from reading a summary, so it wasn’t worth it to read that much bullshit), and am too tired to even comprehend my own words, let alone a fucking play, is not actually due tonight. it’s due next monday. i can do it over fall break. that means i can fuck around for a little while tonight (even tho i’ve got a p big project, that’s already late, well, half of it is, the other half is due wed) and then get a decent amount of rest for once. i’m just- i got a zero on a big portion of my giant sa project and i missed my intro class today (bc i wanted and extra hour and a half of sleep) but everything else has gone great. absolutely grand, cats. i’ve got an extra week for the paper and i’m gonna get a full 8 hours tonight. i’m so fucking happy.

so, i’m beginning to think things are looking up for me. the tides, they are a turning, and these waters are getting less choppy. if things stay like this for a couple weeks, i should be able to fully get my shit together and start being on top of things. i think it’s gonna be okay, tho, i rly do. i’m gonna use fall break to write a kick ass paper (bc essays are my shit, i’m amazing at them, when i’m not dead tired and trying to write 5 pages in 2 hours, which i can do, but well, it wouldn’t be my best work at all, and i try to have some pride in my writing), get ahead on my acting I monologues, and get my entire life organized via planners, alarms, sticky notes, to do lists, and a binder. i’m gonna get my shit together (i keep repeating this bc every time i say it, i feel more confident that i can) and the rest of the semester isn’t going to be a constant struggle. i’m gonna be on top of shit. i’m going to show the theatre dept that i’m capable of kicking ass and that i’m deserving of respect. i’m going to get everything worked out and sorted and i’m gonna slowly work on my trauma and trusting ppl and being a nice person. i’m never gonna be normal, but i can be functional. i can be stable.

so, i think i’m gonna fuck around on tumblr for a while, maybe, possibly watch the rest of dp2, and then go tf to sleep, wake up rested, and maybe even do my makeup tomorrow. bc rafiki said i look good in earth tones, so i bought earth tones, and i’d like to try them out. like, he’s v honest, so i trust his opinion. he’s not just saying it to placate me. and i do want to be pretty. i want to look nice. and apparently wearing bright ass lipsticks that make me look like i’ve been dining on a box of crayolas scares ppl a bit. i’m a bit tired of scaring ppl, tbh. i just want to look nice and be able to be confident in myself without hiding behind outrageous makeup and clothes. and, if i’m lucky, i might not have to exist on caffeine and semi-legal drugs tomorrow. my friends are busy tonight, so they won’t be over, but i can get some sleep, so i’m okay with it. besides, i always feel like i bother them too much. like, i invite one or both of them over literally every night. literally. i think in the past three weeks i’ve had maybe 4 days where i didn’t spend time with at least one of the victory bros. i mean, if i was bothering them, they’d probs just not come over, but i always worry that i’m too needy and they just come bc they think i’m fragile or some shit and wouldn’t be able to handle being told ‘no.’ i need to talk to them abt it and have them be honest with me (tho, they generally are honest, even when i wish they wouldn’t be) so ik for sure. i’m scared the answer will be ‘yeah, stop bothering us daily, it’s annoying’ but if it it, it is and i’ll deal with it. 

anyway, i’m gonna fuck around, maybe update my planner a bit for the week while i watch dp2, but then i’m going tf to bed. i’ve recently discovered something. if i sleep in my hoodie, then i feel safer, warmer, and more comfortable and therefore feel more rested when i wake up. so, guess who’s sleeping in a hoodie from now on? this bitch. it worked last winter, it seems to be working now, and i’m just gonna keep doing it until it stops working. tho, i do need to wash the hoodie. i could do that tonight, but that’ll take a couple of hours, so i might just wait until tomorrow, since i’ll have hw and therefore will be awake, anyway. if i have enough quarters. i might have to get goldilocks to take me to the laundromat, since they have a change machine and the washers are better than the ones at the apartments, and cheaper. idk, yet.

but, i’mma stop rambling now, i think. i highly doubt any of you cats actually read these long ass bullshit posts, but they make me feel better to write up, so i’mma continue with them. it makes my head quieter to get the words out.

oh! i plan to get the next chap of tal written (or, at least partially written, tho i’m shooting to finish it) during the break, too, so if i’m lucky and don’t just sleep for 4 days straight, it might actually get posted before next mon. fingers crossed.