#And Kris never even hated him in the first place

[trg-deltarune-quotes]

Berdly dose not need a redemption arc

I would like to prefix this by stating that I am NOT trying to excuse his actions. He is very much a prick and has a hard time listening to Noelle’s honest thoughts and opinion, but I don’t think these are good enough reasons to constitute a redemption arc for him, because outside of these flaws he has a lot more redeeming qualities. 

One of his prevalent traits is that he is diligent, hardworking, and honest. Across the two chapters we learn that Berdly has two jobs, a volunteer job at the library and a job with Ms. Boom, so far we’ve only seen him at the library but this shows that he isn't lazy and takes his job seriously.

This also shows that he is quite an honest person. When it comes to other people he might misinterpret their intentions but his assessment of their personality and how they act aren’t wrong. He wasn’t lying about his motivations and although he makes excuses for why he sucks at everything he never gives up trying to overcome an obstacle or complete his objective.

Berdly misinterprets Kris pranks on him.

Berdly making excuses for why he couldn’t solve the puzzle.

When he keeps his limits in mind and is willing to help out with the group he can be pretty smart. He has a good memory which helps out with the plan he comes up with. A plan which actually got them farther than just brute forcing their way through.

The plan fails but it does show that he isn't as dumb as he thinks he is.

These traits don’t automatically make him a good person, villains can have similar traits as the heroes afterall, but Berdly is morally sound as well.

In the spamton sweepstakes, Berdly accidentally deletes his minecrap game and has to fix it with the help of Kris. Instead of boasting about how he fixed it all by himself he admits that he got help from them.

And in chapter two when Berdly shows off the statue to Queen and Kris he specifically says to Kris to admire OUR artisanship (skill in a particular craft). 

In the next room over we learn that Sweet cap'n cakes help make the statue.

This shows that Berdly is willing to give credit where credit is due even if he sees everybody as intellectually inferior.

Throughout the entirety of chapter 2 Berdly is constantly trying to keep Noelle safe, that’s part of the reason he was working for Queen in the first place.

The other reason was to make a happy world for the both of them by creating a dark fountain. Noelle even says this herself after the ferris wheel ride.

He even pretended to have romantic feelings for Noelle so she wouldn't be sad.

While he does misinterpret her feelings as being towards him Berdly doesn’t force a kiss on her. Outside of leading her on he never once tries to take control away from Noelle or make her uncomfortable. In his mind Noelle is the one who has to make the decision to admit her love to him, not the other way around. Even when he does have a crush on someone he doesn't force a kiss on them, the control is always in the other person's favor.

He puckers up but that’s as far as he goes and when it doesn’t work he backs off.

All this shows that Berdly loves Noelle and wants to be supportive as much as possible. And while their friendship IS messy and could use some work, at the end of the day they ultimately care about each other.

If Berdly only cared about what Noelle could do for him, why does he ask Noelle how she’s getting stronger instead of why during the snowgrave route?

It’d be counterintuitive of him to let her get stronger since it would mean she could stand up to him and call him out on his bullshit.

When she is assertive and expresses her true feelings on Berdlys idea during the normal route, he’s shocked but he accepts this side of her pretty quickly.

When all is said and done Berdly comes off more as a well meaning but misguided character, far from somebody who needs a redemption arc. His intentions were never malicious and the flaws he does have are easily fixable. While in the light world it’ll take a bit of time to relearn everything, if his final few lines are anything to go by it probably won’t take that long.

[cheesycatz]

Worm in the Apple (the Wormton AU fic) is at 120k words! Obviously the worm guy loves apples, fruit, and sugary stuff in general, though it holds no nutritional value for him. It's fitting, since most of the "worms" found in apples are actually just some form of insect, just like how Wormton himself isn't an actual worm. Being as contradicting as possible is his whole thing, I suppose.

May blithering helminth codswallop posthaste be upon thee if thoust must ruminate over thine virulent and insiduous merchant Sir Spammington G. Spammington The Deceitful:

Anyways, I've been struggling to write the depressing crap, so I often like to imagine the ending where they can all be happy together in Castle Town. I interpret Castle Town as a place where darkners are less bound to fate, since it doesn't seem to manifest from the real world, and is made of pure darkness, whatever that means. Wormton wouldn't have to hide anymore, but he would very much be, uh, neutralized if he tries to infect anything. He wouldn't get to have sixteen identical feral worm children that look like slightly smaller mirror images of him crawling all around the place, unfortunately; Castle Town could do without a highly invasive species that eats and destroys everything. I imagine that he'd keep the suit jacket so that he actually has some pockets, as well as to hide himself a little bit. Malworms naturally like to stay outside of the spotlight, so he's not very comfortable without his disguise. Not that being crammed inside his disguise was much more comfortable, but, hey, what other option did he have?

I like to imagine the addisons getting stuck with Wormton in Castle Town due to it having greater population density. I'm considering making it so that they don't even know he's there at first, like those criminal cases where some guy is living in a family's attic for months unnoticed. He'll have the opportunity to harass Swatch, interact with other characters like Lancer, and send "mild" death threats to Rouxls. I think he'd avoid Kris and the other lightners. He tries to kill Kris and absorb the SOUL from the get-go, and the two of them lack that puppet connection, since Wormton never picked up the phone. Still, he does pick up on their stilted movements that mimic his own when he's puppeteering his disguise, and does realize that the SOUL is a little more controlling than he would want, so they eventually reach a peaceful conclusion (This AU follows the pacifist normal route. This cold-blooded mf would probably just go into hibernation and do absolutely nothing if the player did a Weird Route). He's still pissed about them taking his shadow crystal, even if the starry night sky it once let him witness will never shine through its surface again. Kris is such a gremlin from what we know that I think it would he sweet if he valued the fact that, while they find his puppet-like disguise creepy, they're unfazed by his real appearance. Kris can go on his "people I don't fantasize about murdering and eating regularly" list, which might just be his "nestmates :^]" list if he'd actually admit it

Back to writing about him hating himself so much that he can't fathom someone healing him unless it was a transactional favor, hiding in a locked closet with no stimulation because he thinks he's trying to kill Blue whenever he's in an instict-driven half-asleep state (emphasis on thinks), believing the only reason that Blue is worried about him hiding so much is because they want him to leave faster, understanding so little of his actual species that he becomes stressed when he does anything that "isn't normal," Having fits of anger and mental breakdowns and feeling bad about it afterwards, using the worst coping mechanisms known to man, and devouring an entire 16 inch regular crust meat lover's pizza in one sitting

Cover art concept as a lil treat. Probably won't actually draw it until I'm ready to start releasing chapters, but it's fun to think about for now. I'll do my best to live up to expectations as someone with zero experience writing fiction and long-form content in general o7

[krirebr]

For your We’re All Monsters Drabbles:

Steve x Ransom (because I’m such a whore who can’t get enough of this pairing. Have fun, dear Kris)

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yesssss! I love them so much. I'm excited that other people do too! I'm working on the first part of Dance Hall Days, which will be the series that covers their entire relationship. This drabble takes place a few days after Steve turns Ransom. Thanks so much for the prompt, ST!!

So In Phase

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Ransom Drysdale

Warnings: Light angst, power imbalance, slightly degrading pet names

We're All Monsters

Ransom stretched out across the large bed, relishing how the high-thread-count sheets felt against his bare skin. In the past few nights since he’d been turned, he couldn’t believe how much more everything felt. The whole world had opened up, everything bigger and brighter. And his for the taking.

Steve moved around the room, putting his clothes back on. That was something Ransom had noticed, in the lust and blood-filled whirlwind that had been the last few nights. Steve never lingered. He fucked hard and fast and when he was done, he was onto the next thing. He never left anything to be desired in the actual fucking, but after… Ransom wouldn’t have minded if there were a little more after. “Can’t we just,” Ransom started as Steve put on his pants, “lay here for a little while, at least until we get hungry?"

Steve came around to Ransom’s side of the bed, placing a gentle hand on Ransom’s cheek. Ransom couldn’t help the way he leaned into it. “You are a needy little puppy, aren’t you?” The words grated on Ransom a bit. He was still trying to come to terms with how the tables had turned. How the fresh-faced, innocent, young, naive thing Ransom couldn’t wait to corrupt had been revealed to be hundreds of years old and so much savvier than Ransom could ever imagine. And now ‘puppy,’ like Ransom was the innocent little thing who didn’t know anything about the real world. He couldn’t help how it rankled. Even if, in this brave new world, it might be true.

Steve pulled away quickly and went back to getting dressed, pulling on a shirt as he said, “Not tonight. I have other matters to attend to tonight.”

Ransom sat up. “What other matters?”

Steve grabbed his Royal Oak watch off the dresser and put it on as he spoke, not glancing back at Ransom. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

Ransom’s brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve turned back to the bed, fixing an exasperated glare on Ransom. “It means that I have important business to attend to that does not concern you.” He walked back over to Ransom and his face softened. “I need you to stay here tonight. You can do that, can’t you, puppy?”

“I could come with you,” Ransom whispered. He hated how pathetic he sounded, but Steve just brought it out of him, a gravitational pull that he couldn’t resist. He’d been with Steve every second since he’d become this thing that he was now. It all felt completely tied to Steve.

“Not tonight,” Steve said firmly but then took Ransom’s face in both hands. “I’ll have some food sent up for you. And we’ll hunt if I get back in time.” He leaned down and kissed Ransom, hard and demanding. Ransom, of course, acquiesced to it his mouth opening up to him. He didn’t know any other way to respond to Steve. Steve pulled back and smiled, “Such a good puppy.”

Kris's 700 Celebration

Tag List is open

@stargazingfangirl18 @yenzys-lucky-charm @thezombieprostitute @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @bval-1 @km-ffluv @texmexdarling @ladyvenera @roxyfan14-blog @darkserenity24 @femefetalelevelingup

[ask-fgod]

Hello from @mcnotok! My name is Snap, and my answers will be tagged as "mod snap". I am an avid fgod Enjoyer™ :]]. I mostly enjoy Nightmare and Error, but every character in this universe is so fascinating to me.

and im @my-names-kris! which my name is uh. kris, obviously. answers from me will be tagged as "mod kris". i usually like blueberror in most utmv aus, but theres something about ink in this one that grabbed me by a stranglehold. also an avid fgod enjoyer, to the point where it actually got me to start writing for the first time ever!

RULES:

DONT SPAM

NO RP

NO ASKING CHARACTERS NOT LISTED HERE

DONT BE A JERK TO THE MODS

PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH THE CHARACTERS IS VERY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE (BUT YOU CAN SEND OBJECTS)

Story:

The backstory of this blog takes place after Error jumps into the void after he was attacked. Fate, annoyed but viewing him as replaceable, grabs a Swap!Sans, Blue, from his multiverse into the Anti-Void, and in a rushed manner, makes him into an error and the new God of Destruction. Destiny, angered by this and knowing Error would be too, tells him about what had happened to Blue, now known as Blueberror. Wanting him not to be alone, he returns, along with his newly adopted children, Void and Null that insisted to go with him.

Characters:

Error:

The first God of Destruction, jumped into the void wishing for death, and was sent to another multiverse instead with Destiny's help. Returned upon learning that Blueberror was made the next God of Destruction in his place, bringing two children named Void and Null with. Arguably the most powerful of the three gods, holding the ability to make a universe crumble with his very step. Despite this, he is normally a chill (and rather quiet) guy when you haven't done anything to anger him. It takes a lot to anger him, anyways.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Nightmare:

Nightmare is so detached from his past life that he considers himself a completely different person, but he is not. He hates all reminders of his detached past before the corruption, as they make him feel complicated feelings and thoughts he'd rather do without. Doesn't view Dream as a brother, but a part of him that he hates feels as if that feeling should be there. Due to the multiverse oversaturated in negativity, he has extreme mood swings. Took in the murder-time trio in an attempt to spread SOME positivity. It didn't do much, but he ended up keeping them anyways. (my mans is soft)

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Dream:

Dream is extremely loyal to Ink to a fault, never believing the truth of the multiverse's oversaturation, even when Blueberror starts destroying. Due to this, he neglects his duties of spreading positivity, as that would disrupt Ink's creations... even if he suffers for it. Ink's right-hand man ruling over the Star Council. Is used as a mascot for the "happiness" that Ink can spread. Has only ever been used as a beacon for positivity, so when someone genuinely treats him as a friend, he gets very attached.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Ink:

The God of Creation, Ink, is the only god out of the three that was unable to hear Fate. Despite this, after hundreds of years go by, he figures out the instability of the multiverse he has caused. Knowing this, but having formed a council and an image of himself along with it, he still insists that he has been doing nothing wrong. Ink is extremely strict about his creations not being disrupted by any outside source, even when the scales of emotion are tipped in negativity's favor. Holds a hatred for Nightmare for taking the murder-time trio in. Hates Error and now, Blueberror, as well for their insistence that he is the one in the wrong. Very close with Dream, not really ever realizing how he's hurting his friend.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Blueberror:

Blueberror was a well-liked Swap!Sans (teetering on the edge of being a swapfell!sans) before he was snatched by Fate. It was to the point where he was even asked by Dream and Ink to join them. But being a neutral party, he refused. Before he was snatched, he sometimes travelled the multiverse, helping out anybody, no matter which side they were on. After Fate snatched him, he became the second God of Destruction. He is significantly less merciful than his predecessor, Error. Still helps out people in other universes, but less often due to his new duties.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Void and Null:

Void (age 2) and Null (age 5) are two children from the alternate multiverse that Error fell into's Handplates AU. Originally finding him lying in the ground unconscious in their Snowdin, after Null fled with Void away from their Gaster, the two of them have been extremely attached to their adoptive father ever since.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

Minor Characters:

Minor characters that won't be making any major appearances in the blog, but still exist nonetheless consist of Horror, Dust, Killer, Star Council Fell, Fresh, and Core Frisk.

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

If you’re asking “what is fgod?” go here!

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

If you want to read the blogs posts in chronological order, go here!

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

If you want to see everyone's heights, go here!

📍 • ʚĭɞ • 📍

If you want to join the Discord server, go here!

[sparkles-oflight]

Polaroid Photos - Part 1

Master Post | Chapter 2

Hi everyone! This took a long time to make :V

As you can imagine, I had to do a lot of research for this. A lot of it is fictional, but a lot of it is true! I'll leave a list on the final notes with my sources, though I couldn't remember where some of the things were from.

I got help from a lot of people on Tumblr to find them and I'd like to thank them!

Btw, I wrote this before *vaguely gestures at Bakery* that whole situation happened

(kinda wish I had written more bakery now):

As I'm writing this, I haven't written chapter 3… yet.

But I've been wanting to get this out since FOREVEEEER.

Hope you enjoy it.

The year was 2000... The Guštins’ household had their first child: a boy born from the love of a Dutch woman and a Slovenian man. His name is Kris. He’s a couple of months old, but now that he finally can sleep through a full night his mom decided to meet up with a friend, leaving the “two men of the house” – as she called them – alone.

Yet, Kris had never slept without his mom, so he was irritated, whining in hopes she would show up to sing him his usual lullaby song.

Guštin wasn’t sure of what to do since Kris seemed to hate every time his dad tried to sing the song in his mom’s place, almost as if he was mocking his poor attempt at singing in Dutch.

He got closer to Kris to get him the pacifier.

- Ugh, why are babies so ugly? – he sighed as he finally gave the object to his son which seemed to do the trick to calm him down – See, you are much cuter like that.

Guštin put his hands on his forehead and massaged it.

- I need to tell your mama we can’t be alone anymore because you clearly have a bias for her voice. And I’m a singer!

He looked down to see his son staring at him with beautiful calm blue eyes. Then he noticed Kris was moving around with his fingers almost as if he was playing the guitar, which reminded him that his son had not yet seen a guitar – he hasn’t played at home lately after all.

- Wait a minute, okay? – he smiled and kissed his son on the forehead.

Guštin rushed down the stairs and returned to the room with his acoustic guitar.

- Kris, this is a guitar. You’ll love it. – he sat next to him – Well, at least your mom did, you know? One day, I told her “Chantal, there’s something very important I need to tell you”, and you know how your mother is, right? She said, “Miha, I’m busy at the moment we can talk later”.

Miha tried to imitate his wife’s accent which made Kris chuckle a little at his father’s nonsense.

- But, Kris, when you have such big love for a woman, you just can’t hold it back. You’ll understand when you grow up. – he cleared his throat – So... I dedicated her a song. She didn’t speak Slovene at the time, of course, but it was the language I was able to express myself in rather than explain my feelings. And I gave her a sheet with the translation anyway. – he smiled nervously.

He looked a bit at the wall and tapped his fingers on the guitar before starting to play it.

- Mlin na veter me bo gnou. – “Windmill will push me.” - Da ne bom nikol' pristou – “So I never land.”

The melody at the start was very “repetitive”, almost as if raw, which was easier for Kris to get his head around the song.

- Glih zdej plavam čez oblak – “Right now I'm swimming across the clouds” - In me reže težek zrak. – “And the sharp wind is cutting me”.

Miha singing this song is no problem – usually. Now, singing it after telling a bit of his love story to his son? That’s wild.

- Al bo sonce, al bo sneg – “Let it be sun or snow” - Mene grab nervozn smeh. “I'm laughing nervously”.

It’s insane to him that he actually married the woman he loved so much, and that she came to his small country for him, and that they both have a child together!

- Rad bi ujel le njeno dlan – “I just wanna catch her hand” - Da ne odplavam predaleč stran... – “So, I don't swim too far” ...

The melody suddenly changed, and Kris’ eyes dilated as he felt chills across his body – even as a baby he felt connected to his father’s voice and emotions.

- Dnevi niso rok'n'roll – “Days aren't Rock n' Roll”- Ampak vedno tisji mol - “But a quietly descending minor”.

Miha looked at his son who looked delighted to hear his father for the first time and he couldn’t help but grin at him.

- Oči mi grize mrzu led – “Frost is biting my eyes” - Samo jaz vidim njeno sled. – “Only I can see her trail”.

As he sang, eventually, Kris fell asleep and that is still one of the memories Miha holds close to him to this day.

He remembers Kris’ childhood probably better than Maks’ and Maja’s because he was a bit hard to deal with. He remembers Kris coming home pissed for not being able to color inside lines at the kindergarten and start tearing up out of frustration. He remembers the day Kris told him and his mom he preferred Slovene food over Dutch food – a very happy day for Miha – and he particularly remembers Kris being upset after a summer vacation.

Miha and Chantal took Kris and Maks to a summer colony with their friends and the day they returned he asked his sons if they wanted to do it again, Maks mumbled “sure, whatever” while Kris started desperately sobbing because he wanted to live nearby the sea instead.

Both parents tried to find ways to make their son meet the sea more often to entertain him... But Kris made Miha worried. Maybe because he was the oldest, but he was worried because he didn’t seem to have a passion. Sure, he was playing football sometimes, but he never shared any interest in making a career out of it – nor did he have the skills from what Miha had seen. He also never picked up on the guitar even when his dad gifted him one. In fact, Kris looked annoyed at the gift, coldly even.

One day, however, Kris made a very big decision after school, when Miha was absent.

- Welcome home, Kris – Chantal told him as he entered the house.

- Hi, mama.

- Why do you look so gloomy? – she said, tucking his hair behind his ear – Did something happen?

- Mama, I want to cut my hair. – he declared.

She stopped moving her hand when he said that. He had beautiful long and straight hair, and she felt her heart tighten as he said that.

- What? Why?

He took off his shoes, put his jacket on the coat hanger, and dropped his backpack on the floor.

- I’m tired of being called a girl!

- Kris... you know your hair has nothing to do with who you are.

- I know that! You and Dad already told me about it!

- Then why do you want to cut your beautiful hair?

- What if I don’t want to have this hair?

- Then we can cut it, but remember, I’ll only help you with that if that is really what you want to do.

Kris took a deep breath and his flustered skin seemed to cool off for a bit.

- It is what I want to do. – he said confidently.

- Promise? – she smiled at him.

- Promise.

Chantal hugged him strongly.

Later, she told Miha about Kris’ decision which made him proud. Sure, you shouldn’t change just because someone told you something mean, but the fact Kris got the courage to declare something he wanted to do with himself seemed like progress to Miha.

One time, neither Miha nor Chantal could take Maja to dance practice and asked Kris to do it since they lived nearby after all. He didn’t seem so happy about taking his little sister there, but alas.

- Ugh, and where do I put this? – Kris sighed while waving around her bag.

Maja still couldn’t carry around her bag on her own and there was no way Kris was taking it to the girl's locker room. He would rather not be wanted for harassing children at the age of 14, thanks.

- You can... leave it with Ema.

- Ema, Ema... You are always talking about this Ema girl, who’s she? An old hag?

- Our teacher! Well, sometimes... Marija! – Maja yelled for another girl her age who walked in.

They both started talking so fast and with such squeaking voices that Kris could not keep up with the conversation.

Eventually, a girl around his age walked in.

- Marija, calm down! – she smiled.

This girl seemed like another older sibling trying to keep her sister calm, though she seemed calmer than Kris.

She’s tall, but not taller than Kris, she has blonde hair and green eyes, and Kris’ lips can’t help but form a smile since, to him, she looked so beautiful. In her voice, he also noticed a strong accent which he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it came from.

- They can be annoying like that sometimes. Always talking kids’ stuff and... you know. – he put his hands on his hips.

- Yeah. Are you Maja’s brother? I’ve heard about you.

- Good or Bad things?

- Depends on what you consider good. – she smiled – Do you also do gymnastics?

- Nah, I can’t bear this actually, not really my thing.

- Oh really? I thought you’d enjoy something like gymnastics... like floor gymnastics. Though I guess men’s gymnastics doesn’t really have music.

- What? – Kris looked confused – What does that have to do with me?

- I mean, you are part of a family of musicians, aren’t you?

That struck a nerve in Kris’ head. He actually doesn’t get the hype around his family, and he doesn’t get his father’s love for the guitar and singing. He had one of his own and he probably only touched it once, if even that, since he got it.

- Oh God, we are late, Maja, Marija! – she said.

- Oh, sorry. – Kris gave her the bag as he snapped back in, he then noticed the girl was carrying around two bags – Ugh, nice talking with you.

- Nice to talk to you too, Maks.

- I’m Kris actually.

- Oh! Sorry, got the brothers wrong! – she smiled at him.

- What’s your name?

- Ema. See you around!

The three of them ran inside and Kris was left there slightly flustered.

“See you around”, she said. Kris would remember that. Kris would make sure to take Maja to practice as much as he could. He learned Ema was a year older than him and she came from Vrhnika to Ljubljana twice a week for practice and sometimes on the weekends to visit her relatives, and she was not Maja’s teacher, she just assisted the class sometimes.

With Ema, Kris developed a friendship and also a slight crush on her, though he didn’t act upon it... for a while at least. And while Kris loved spending time with Ema, he realized he didn’t have a passion like she had for gymnastics. What was he going to dedicate his life to?

Eventually, he decided to join the school’s newspaper. Becoming a journalist would probably help him with his grades, who knows? He only knew he was tired of having his Slovene teacher on his ass all the time. He has been speaking the language for his whole life, how come he’s failing at it?

Well, that didn’t matter because Kris actually took a liking into writing, though he wished he could give his opinion more often than just “stay impartial”.

One day, he was asked to interview the band Apokalipsa. He had been to one of their concerts before, though he couldn’t remember them that well. Honestly, the only reason he even remembered the name was because his father was collaborating with them for the school’s new anthem.

Kris walked to the gym where the band was having a rehearsal, and he could hear from the outside a bit of what they were playing.

Was that... “Led s Severa”? The song Kris’ father dedicated to his mom?

- In jaz grem tja, kjer je led iz severa.- “And I’m going there, where there’s ice from the North”.

Kris rushed to the gym and opened inside he yelled:

- Wrong!

The band suddenly stopped playing and started looking at this tall boy who interrupted.

- Who are you? – the drummer asked.

The small vocalist squinted his eyes to look at Kris.

- Are you... Oh! You are Gušti’s son!

- Yeah! – he got closer to them – And you are playing it wrong!

- What? – the singer laughed.

- This song isn’t played with distortion!

Kris started messing around with the pedals which seemed to get the singer pissed.

- Hey, yo, what are you doing!? Do you even know how to play the guitar?

- No, but-

- I’m so sorry, everyone. – a voice cut off Kris.

They all turned to look who had entered and it was Miha.

- What seems to be the problem? – he frowned his brow as he noticed Kris messing with the equipment.

- Nothing. – he said – I came to interview them, not you.

- Well, you should start by saying “hi”, next time. Sorry, guys, this is my rebellious son, Kris. – he pinched his cheek.

The singer smiled and extended his hand to Kris which he took hesitantly.

- I’m Bojan – he said – This is Martin, bass player, Matic is the drummer and Luka is the guitarist.

Kris had an interview with them as the original plan demanded. He noticed the one who was the most outspoken was Bojan. Bojan sure loved to talk, but he loved music somehow even more. Kris was actually fascinated by his passion, he almost... thought music was good.

To Kris, music was cold like ice which he was scared to touch... he was scared that the ice would melt under his touch, and he was scared of burning himself out with it... that’s why he never shared an interest in music... until the day he heard Apokalispa playing again.

More than their version of Led S Severa, more than the performance itself, Kris loved how Bojan interacted with the crowd. How he moved around and how he smiled. Sure, his voice needed to be worked a bit better, but he felt the need to see him more often and to... feel what Bojan was showing: confidence.

To him, Bojan’s presence is as if a bubblegum-pink flower was gifted to him to take care of. Flowers thrive with water and sun, but Kris had no way of watering it. How could he protect and help nourish such a precious object?

There was only one way... He had to melt the ice.

And for that, he needed help from someone who had managed to do it first.

When he got home, he touched the guitar his father had gifted him. He felt the steel chords against his skin and wondered how they sounded, how he could make them sound... Were they warm enough to melt that ice?

Miha was surprised to see Kris knock on his office’s door and to be looking at the floor as if he was.... embarrassed?

- Dad, can I talk to you?

- Sure, what do you want? - he set his guitar aside.

Kris entered and closed the door behind him and sat next to Miha.

- Can you... uhm. – he was a bit lost, but quickly recomposed himself – Dad, can you teach me how to play the guitar?

Miha’s face brightened up suddenly and he pulled Kris into a hug which the younger tried to uselessly fight against.

- FINALLY! – Miha kissed his cheeks, and he chuckled.

- I TAKE IT BACK, DAD!

Miha finally let him go and looked at him in his eyes.

- What changed?

Kris didn’t know how to reply... What was he going to say? “Ah yeah, flowers need water so I wanna play the guitar”? No way.

- I have this girl I want to impress. – he lied – And I think music would reach her heart.

Miha put his hand on his chest. “So, my son is in love...”, he thought.

Miha felt so happy for Kris loving someone so much that he’d be willing to change for another and to better himself.

- Dad, are you crying?

- Yeah. – he brushed the tear falling from his eyes away – You have grown so much.

Guštin tried his best to teach Kris the basics, but there was only so much he could do before Kris got lost or started complaining about how the chords hurt him. Okay, he can admit he’s not the best teacher... that’s why he decided to enroll Kris in guitar lessons during the summer.

Kris was presented to a quiet boy with dark hair and a beard. He was a year older than him and had only started playing recently too.

Kris didn’t like him much at first because he didn’t “go to the classes to make friends”, but then he heard him play and he was imminently blown away by the sound this boy could produce from the same instrument Kris had.

- Very well, Jan. – their teacher said – Jan, this is Kris. Kris this is Jan.

- Hello. – Jan smiled at him.

- Hi.

Kris was puzzled. How come such a quiet person has such a bright smile and sound?

After a while, their teacher suggested they play together and then a band... which they both seemed eager to start. Buržuazija was the name.

Kris started talking a lot with Jan even after classes and they started to hang out together often, plus Jan seemed to know Ema and he helped the two of them get together.

One day, after one of their shows, Bojan asked Kris for Jan’s number. He wasn’t sure why Bojan wanted his number, but Jan didn’t seem to mind. A couple of days later, Bojan invited Jan into a new band with Martin and Matic. Bojan invited Kris on the same day, but he hesitated at first.

“I’ll think of the matter”, he told him.

He talked to his parents about it. He wasn’t totally satisfied with how things were going with his band, and he would really like to play with Bojan and keep playing with Jan. Plus, he knew the Apokalipsa guys for longer... His heart had already decided for him, he just felt like he needed some sort of validation from his parents, which more than willing to give it to him.

They created a Facebook group chat and decided their name by throwing suggestions into the melting pot. Joker Out was the name they decided to stick to it. It has no meaning, it’s just something stupid they came up with.

They went on to write their first song, win their first competition, to have a break... Actually, when Kris stopped talking with Bojan during the band’s hiatus, he was also dumped by his girlfriend.

They were both at his house alone when the fighting started.

- I’m just trying to be honest with you and you keep letting me down! – he told her.

- WELL, IT’S TIME FOR US TO BE OVER THEN! – she yelled – IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO BE RUTHLESS TO ME!

- I’m just being honest!

- Honesty hurts sometimes, Kris! You are my boyfriend you are supposed to be on MY SIDE!

- I’m trying to not hurt you by not telling you pretty lies!

- Bye Kris.

- We aren’t-!

- I said: BYE KRIS! – she picked up her purse, flipped him off, and left the house.

He sat down and clasped his hands together...trying to cool himself but then he suddenly threw the ring she gave to him against a nearby mirror shattering it in pieces.

He couldn’t bear being in that suffocating room, so he left and rode his bike to the Ljubljanica River as tears fell down his face. This was the closest thing he had to a sea or an ocean... This small river.

Kris Guštin: My girlfriend dumped me

Janči: are you okay?

Kris Guštin: I don’t want to talk about it anymore

Janči: then what do you want?

Kris Guštin: I want to go out! I want to drink! And I want to forget about everything

Janči: alcoholic :/

In the end, they decided to go to a nearby gay bar. Jan insisted there were cool people there to talk to and it’s not like Kris was immediately planning to flirt with anyone after a rough breakup.

Kris stayed mostly isolated at that club, even after multiple guys tried to flirt with him, though it seemed like Jan was the one having the best time by flirting back at them.

Kris just wanted to drink, managing his emotions was a job for the “Kris of tomorrow”.

- And I was just being honest! – Kris laughed after God knows how many drinks – I just wanted the best for her.

- Hey! Are you going to drink that? – Jan pointed to Kris’ shirt in which he had spilled bear earlier that night.

- Drink what?

Jan licked the stain making him giggle and, eventually, Kris started to feel more motivated to talk to people and dance at the club.

Kris noticed a small guy with brown hair and eyes who seemed as excited as a little puppy, and they danced around each other almost all night. He can’t remember exactly what happened, but they both ended up kissing as the purple square lights painted the scenery in a beautiful mosaic.

He knew it was wrong... He knew it was wrong to kiss someone right after a breakup, but it felt so good. It was his first time kissing a guy, and he didn’t know it was supposed to feel this great! He didn’t know he wanted to entangle his fingers in his hair, kiss his neck, and make him moan all night. He didn’t know that.

He fought against the alcohol to avoid taking it further – Kris doubted his parents would feel great about him bringing a stranger back home as a 17-year-old.

In the end, Jan had to drag him out of the club and take him home.

After the band’s conflicts were solved, Kris started his last year of school, feeling now so much better than how he did during those months.

During Christmas vacations, he visited his family in the Netherlands as always, and that year he had been invited to spend New Year’s with a bunch of Dutch friends, which his parents allowed him to go.

Most of his friends had girlfriends or boyfriends who planned to kiss each other when the countdown reached zero – something Kris only came to find out an hour into their party.

He didn’t know whether one particular girl at the party was single or not. He didn’t even know her, actually. She seemed to know most girls there, but Kris had never seen her. She was a tall brunette with long hair and a very enchanting smile.

As both their friends left their groups to their partners, Kris and the girl ended up having to talk to each other.

Her name was Klara, and she was a year older and studied physics in Rotterdam. Her family was originally from Indonesia, just as Kris’ grandpa, and she seemed invested in Kris’ stories about Slovenia, and his band, and his friends and family and...

Kris got distracted talking to her. One of their friends had to basically drag the two of them to the balcony to see the fireworks.

- Should we kiss each other? – Klara asked Kris.

- Sure. – he sure hoped he could use the cold of Amsterdam as an excuse for his flustered face.

Kris and Klara had their first kiss that night, one that lasted a bit longer than you’d expect for a New Year’s kiss. It even got some of their friends telling them to get a room.

At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers and promised to meet again as Klara kissed Kris on the cheek goodbye.

They did end up visiting each other as often as they could during vacations and eventually started dating.

As seasons began to change, Kris decided to go to the river with some of his friends and when he finally got some time to lay on his towel, he felt a shadow being cast on him.

When he opened his eyes, he noticed a familiar face: Ema’s.

- Hello, Krisko. – she said hesitantly.

He didn’t say a word, instead, he just sat down, now left with an uncomfortable feeling brought by her presence.

- Can I sit next to you?

He didn’t say anything, instead, he looked at her hair, and at its new color: brown.

- How are things going for you?  - she asked – I imagine you have a lot of work now with university and... is the band still a thing?

- Yes. – Kris replied dryly as he couldn’t help but feel powerless next to her.

- I’m in Ljubljana for this week, spring break, you know how it is. – she chucked awkwardly – Listen, Krisko-!

- Don’t call me that.

- Oh yeah… I forgot I’m no longer your girlfriend so I can’t call you nicknames, I see. Does your new girlfriend call you that?

“News spreads fast”, Kris thought.

- What did you come here for?

She stopped for a while before talking again.

- Krisko, I miss you. – she declared – And I heard you had a new girlfriend and I noticed how much I missed you as my boyfriend and I-

- And you what?

- I forgive you.

- Forgive me?

- Yes! Like, I get it: Not everyone is great at giving up their values for others, but I understand that-

- You understood nothing! Please, don’t talk to me anymore! I want you out of my life!

- But Krisko-!

- Stop! I’m so done with you! You were the one who put an end to our relationship, don’t you dare crawl back and ask us to get back together!

- If that’s what you want, so be it! – she got up – But I dare you to try and keep up that “honest act” of yours and see who will be left in your friend group!

- My friends understand me unlike you! – he also got up.

- Oh, do they now, Kris? Or are you forgetting your band already broke up once because of you!? – she pointed to his chest – You and Bojan decided to fight for something stupid and the band broke up. You can’t keep relationships, Kris!

He breathed in slowly and then proceeded to remove Ema’s finger from his chest.

- The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again! But to you? Sorry, Ema, I can’t even bear the sight of you anymore if you think relationships are something as fragile as that. The only reason your relationships are like that is because you could never change for someone else, Ema.

She looked at him in shock. She started crying and with one last yell:

- Fuck you, Kris.

And he never saw her again.

Kris picked up his stuff and texted the group about his departure.

When he got home, he immediately locked himself in his room with just his thoughts and the guitar.

He was bitter, and he wanted to play the aggressive chords and notes that came out of his heart and were played by his fingers.

He was done living in a world where his view was shaped by hers. He wanted to live in a world where he was allowed to see and experiment with all the colors, even the ugly ones, because what’s the point if not?

- This song is shit. – Bojan told him

- Seriously!? – Kris complained.

- Sorry not sorry, Krisko, but this is a no. We could always rework it if you want but I think this is really bad. Want my help?

- No, I don’t want your fucking help.

- Well, bummer. – he stayed quiet before he turned to smile again – Tell me again what you told to Ema?

- Bojan, enough.

- “The difference between Bojan and the band, and you is that I would come back to them over and over again”, I like that. – Bojan giggled and Kris threw a pillow at his face.

- We don’t talk about it anymore!

- Boo-hoo. I love you too. – Bojan went to Kris and grabbed his cheeks to kiss him in the face while the younger one protested.

After a few more rejected versions of the song, Kris came up with the final song and it was finally approved by all the elements of the band. The name? “Ne govoriva več o tem”(Ngvot) - “We don’t talk about it anymore”.

The next song Kris ended up writing was “Dopamin”.

At first, he was a bit lost on what to do since Bojan kept rejecting his song over and over again. He knew he wanted something to do with science because he wanted to sing it for Klara, but the lyrics sounded forced.

Then Bojan asked him to think of a moment. To think of a moment, or a touch, or a gesture, or a word that was dedicated to him and where he felt a rush of adrenaline, that’s where he would find his source of inspiration.

But Kris couldn’t think of anything. What would he choose? The few dates he had with Klara? Their first time? Their declaration to each other? Their first kiss? All of these sounded so basic to him. They sounded...overdone.

So, he chose another important moment of his life unrelated to Klara: the kiss he shared with the stranger at the club.

Sure, it’s not about Klara, but Kris felt such a rush of dopamine when he kissed those lips as if he would die if he spent any second apart from them, and maybe if he wasn’t so drunk he would have asked that person out, but now they were gone.

Yet Kris still puts his fingers on his lips when he thinks of that day as if he hoped to find him again and ask him what he did to shake his ground so much.

Eventually, Kris concluded he must be “some flavor of gay” – Jan facepalmed when he heard that.

For a while, the boys tried to fit their careers with their studies and jobs, but, in 2020, everything closed, and, while on lockdown, Bojan decided to sing at home and make a small solo concert at home.

Kris was excited to watch it and decided to gather his whole family to hear the songs since Bojan was planning to sing one of the new ones. Maks was the only one that objected but their mom told them that the band is important for Kris so he should listen.

Bojan began with singing “Gola” and oh how the memories flushed back to Kris... About the band’s hiatus period how this song was both responsible for it and how it brought them together again.

Kris could almost swear he melted hearing this version – but he won’t. Nobody needs to know that.

“Omamlejno Telo” was next and oh, Bojan decided to sing softly again...okay. It's so obvious his vocal progression with this one... His voice control has changed to a whole new level...

- “Vem da Greš”? – Miha asked.

- Oh, it’s our new single. Bojan really likes this one.

Kris remembers what Bojan told him about “Vem da Greš”. He said he met someone while we were on a break and that they shook their ground, but they left him. He said he would travel to the sun for that person and leave his life behind as the Earth burns.

“Dramatic bitch”, Kris thought.

Kris’ mind turned off for a second until he heard Bojan mention his name and how he had two songs in the album they were going to release.

- I can’t sing it, but I would like to sing something that’s probably close to him. – the singer said through the screen – So I’m going to play something his father wrote.

Kris turned to Miha, and everyone else turned to Kris as he started trying to make himself small on the couch and hid his flustered cheeks as much as he could.

- I’m going to sing “Garbage (Hip hop med nogami)”.

- Mama, is that a dad song? – Maja asked.

“Shit, she’s here”, Kris forgot about his younger sister. Should she be hearing this? Doesn’t look like it by the face his mom was making.

Maks on the other hand seemed to suddenly wake up from scrolling on his phone.

- Všeč si mi k' hod'š, všeč k' govoriš – “I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk” -Všeč so mi poteze, vse k' jih nardiš – “I like the moves you make”.

Kris tried very hard to not look at any of his family member’s faces, so he forced himself to just look at Bojan on the screen.

- Mikajo me noge, mika me telo – “I’m tempted by your legs, I’m tempted by your body” - Nor sem na štrumpantle in svilen blago – “I'm crazy about strumpets and silk fabrics”.

Okay, Kris had to look away after that one and Maks is fucking recording the screen, seriously?

- Mama, why does Bojan want Kris in silk fabrics?

- Okay, Maja, I think it’s past your bedtime now. – Chantal tried to remove the young girl from the room, but she kept insisting on staying.

- Bojan looks very embarrassed, Kris.  OH MY GOD, WAS THAT A LIP BITE!? – Maks laughed out loud and Kris threw him a slipper to the head – MAMA, KRIS HIT ME!

- Kris! – she complained.

- Sorry, mama.       

- Dostkrat se sprašujem, dostkrat mi ni prou – "Many times I wonder, many times I don't understand” - Zakaj me ne pogledaš, mogoče ti bo žou! “Why don't you look at me, maybe you'll like it!”

- Kris, please look at him, he has puppy eyes.

And another slipper went flying.

- Both of you are grounded.

- Mama, I’m an adult already! – Kris complained.

- Then act like it!

- Sanjam, k' ti prste zapletem med lase – “I dream of tangling my fingers in your hair” - Sanjam, k' ti jezik prlep'm na zobe – “I dream of sticking my tongue on your teeth”.

- NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY. – Maks said and this time it was Maja who told him to shut it.

- Hotu bi te gledat, hotu bi te 'met – “I would like to look at you, I would like to throw you” - Raztrgu bi obleko, vzel bi ves tvoj med – “I'd rip your dress, I'd take all your honey”.

Kris wanted to kill Maks for being a nuisance, Bojan for telling him to watch this concert, his father for writing the song, and himself for inviting the whole family to watch this. He’s not sure in which order he should go by, though.

He looked around and noticed his father wasn’t there anymore, when did he leave?

- Garbage hip hop med nogami – “Garbage hip hop between your legs” – Garbage hip hop.

Chantal turned off the television they were watching the transmission from and sighed.

- That’s enough of that... – she stayed silent for a while before yelling – GUŠTIN GET YOUR ASS HERE, I’M SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS!

Kris sighed... it was finally over.

- I have a question! – Maja raised her arm – Why does Bojan want to be in between your legs?

- No, Maja, no he doesn’t. – Kris dismissed her.

- Like, it makes no sense. You wouldn’t be able to breathe.

- I...

- In a couple of years, I tell you what that’s about. – Maks told her.

- I’m only 5 years younger than you!

- Maks. – Kris called him - Friendly reminder the song was written by Dad. In case you want to tell her in detail about what it is, just think about the fact Dad wrote about someone.

- Okay, gross.

What were two weeks turned into a couple of months of not being able to go outside normally.

One morning, Kris got out of his room nearing midday and was greeted by his mom on the way to his room.

- Kris... Your hair is a mess.

- I just woke up. – he scratched the back of his head and yawned.

His hair was in the air, and he had an online class in about 5 minutes – which he did not plan to turn his camera on for. He had spent a good chunk of the night on a call with some of his friends playing Among Us – which he only won when he wasn’t the impostor because he is just too easy to read when he’s lying.

- Let me fix that for you. – Kris bent down for his mom to help him with his hair – Your hair is growing so much.

- Oh, yeah. I guess I haven’t cut it in a while.

- I like it so much. – Chantal tucked it behind his ear – It has been a long time since I’ve seen it like that.

- I guess so... – they stood next to each other and looked at the mirror in the hallway,

- You’ve grown to be a handsome man, Kris.

- Mama...

- Je mama houdt zoveel van je... – “Your mama loves you very much”.

- Ik houd ook van jou. – “I love you too” – Now I’ll be late for my class!

- Oh, yes! Sorry about that. I’ll wake up your sister who’s late for hers.

It was during the pandemic that Kris found confidence in his hairstyle and gender identity. He decided to let his hair grow again because he understood it didn’t matter what people would think: he still felt like a man and “hair is hair” not your gender identity. And if someone is bothered by that, Kris would laugh in their face because he didn’t care.

A while after the lockdown, Matic left the band and Jure replaced him and that’s when the Demoni era began.

With his newfound confidence, Kris felt like he could finally release “Ngvot” officially.

They were a little scared of releasing Demoni since they were just starting to make it begin in Slovenia. What if the “second album curse” fell onto it? What if it didn’t fit the expectations? However, they managed to keep the curse away and the album seemed to do just as great if not better than their first album!

But with so much success and with things starting to “get real”, someone had to make a decision: Martin left the band. And Kris remembers very well the tears that followed and the fear that overtook all of them and how all their burdens fell onto him.

Even so, they proceeded. They continued even scared because that was the only way they’d achieve their dreams.

After the new member arrived at the band, Nace, Kris got along with him very well. They hung out most days especially because they lived near each other and they would often have Jam sessions, and Kris knew he could count on Nace when he just needed a moment of peace from the whole band.

Nace was his roommate during Eurovision, and he was there when Kris arrived at their room after the semi-final, and he just jumped on the bed to stare at the ceiling as the adrenaline died down and he started to feel tears forming in his eyes, and rolling down his cheeks.

- Nace... – he said – We are in the final. We are in the fucking final!

Nace hugged him and cry kept crying.

- We did it, Nace! We did it... I’m so happy.

- And we are going to keep at it, okay?

- Definitely.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

Bokris from Miha's pov hehe.

anyways! Sources!

CHAPTER 1

Miha thought Kris was ugly as a baby and he gave him a guitar at 11: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/zabava/626a937a72d5e/miha-gustin-gusti-upam-da-sinu-ne-delam-sramote

Kris didn't like his father's music: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

Kris wasn't able to color inside the lines (same source as point 1)

Kris likes more Slovenian food than dutch: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/739664742412697600/eng-translation-rocknroll-in-the-blood

Summer Vacation: https://mihagustin.blogspot.com/2011/07/najstnisko-dolgocasje.html

Kris used to play football: https://youtu.be/qpYY9BwpLRc?si=NiblKnDzy99vTDnp&t=373

Kris doesn't think he's good at sports or games (same source as 6)

Kris decided to cut his hair at the age of 10 because he was bullied for "being a girl" : https://youtube.com/shorts/syrFFuLax7U?si=9QkodFxyt98OZU1F

Kris wasn't good in school, but then he became an excellent student (same source as 2)

Miha and Chantal are Allieeeees: https://youtu.be/gRSbqtNlsXA?si=k05ZWnJXrL1VOyHL

Maja does gymnastics (same source as point 4)

Kris was a reporter at school when he met the apokalipsa guys: https://www.tumblr.com/jokeroutsubs/725625224282963968/nace-jordan-for-slovenian-online-journal-aleteia?source=share

Kris started playing guitar after meeting Bojan and because of the girls even though his father is a musician: https://youtu.be/U8J_RhxAQdE?si=xwhrcI-KaKUUxW2N

That song isn't played with distortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIlnXLv1g1Y&ab_channel=Elja

Kris asking his dad to teach him how to play (same source as point 2)

Look at Krisko at the Apokalipsa's concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7iCkNDnHMo&ab_channel=BANDAPOKALIPSA

Kris and Jan's band: https://youtu.be/GQNhhX7ih5A?si=xFsaLhmVruOVK7Hu

Ngvot: https://youtu.be/hP79eReOczA?si=2IyyLFCA67VlpEQE

Gay Bar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sotVP84VSFk&ab_channel=Alex

Kris hard to get: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djIyhgUmWlA&ab_channel=EurovisionInsider & https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/732261010119016448/eng-sub-dropping-some-bokris-lore-bc-this-is-too?source=share

Gola: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ccs1DU8bya4&ab_channel=kurooscoffee

Kris' GF is dutch (Same source as point 4)

Bojan rejected Ngvot multiple times (NEED HELP FINDING THE SOURCE)

Bojan rejecting Dopamin: https://youtu.be/obG8dxtDH-o?si=W5FaO-HI-UzW5Lhb&t=1042

Either Bele Sanje or Dopamin is about a girl: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2Kepp8udXQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Garbage HipHop: https://www.tumblr.com/kurooscoffee/743786585087148032/reblogging-cuz-i-googled-what-%C5%A1trumpantli?source=share

In 2022, Miha said Kris was dating a girl for the past 3 years: https://novice.svet24.si/clanek/astro/616977e71ab9c/miha-gustin-gusti-in-sin-kris-glasbenika-in-zaveznika-razlicna-okusa-a-ista-ljubezen-do-glasbe

As of the beginning of 2023, he was still dating the same girl: https://jokeroutsubs.tumblr.com/post/720664604133523456/hey-guys-thanks-for-all-your-hard-work

Kris and Nace were roommates during ESC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARgHgpEz9iI&ab_channel=ESCunited

Real Miha and Chantal love story (JUST LOOK AT THEM, THEY ARE ADORABLE): https://x.com/kurooscoffee/status/1806671881308659810?s=46&t=yp0BYR2xB56k6qgtrkXLOg

Kris wrote NGVOT in 2018: https://www.metropolitan.si/scena/glasba/skupina-joker-out-nam-je-razkrila-kaj-ne-sme-manjkati-v-zaodrju-preseneceni-boste/

[bullet-prooflove]

LittleMouse!Series Part Six: The Hours In Between - Alden Parker x Reader

Tagging: @mandy426  @neapolitantoebeans @yezzyyae

LittleMouse!Series

Don't... - Alden hates what your doing.

Waiting - You leave your ex waiting.

In Sickness & In Health - Alden and your ex sit down to discuss you.

Bordeaux - You come home to an unexpected surprise.

Acts of Violence - Alden walks into a nightmare.

The next few hours flash by in a haze of chaos, noise and florescent lights. There’s too much commotion around you, too much activity. You can’t make sense of what’s happening because all you can focus on is the pain that emanates from the place where Kristof had stabbed you with the stem of a broken wineglass. You slip in and out of consciousness during this time, snatching at pieces of reality.

“You’re in the hospital.” Alden tells you during a brief moment of lucidity. “They’re prepping you for surgery.”

The darkness is already rushing back in again before you can open your mouth to respond.

You keep going back to that moment in the apartment, the one where everything changed. You can’t believe how quickly it escalated. There’s never been a threat of violence from Kristof before, not until tonight.

“You can’t just break into my apartment and make yourself at home.” You’d snapped at him when he tried to hand you the glass of Bordeaux.

“What else am I supposed to do?” He’d asked you, setting it down on the coffee table. “You won’t meet with me, take my calls, answer my texts...”

“You aren’t picking up the hint?” You return, running your hands through your hair in frustration. “I do not want to speak to you.”

“Not even after what Parker told you?” Kristof asks incredulously, his hands coming to rest on his hips. “Because he did tell you, didn’t he?”

You’d sank into the armchair then because you’d begun to see where this pathological desire for contact comes from. The thing about Kristof? He’s a powerful man, he’s used to other people doing his bidding and when they don’t, he acquires leverage, he forces them to bend to his will. This diagnosis isn’t something you can combat and that makes him feel helpless. You can see that he’s spiralling, he’s used to being in control and now that’s been snatched from him.

“I’m sorry that you’re sick.” You tell him, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch across from you. “It must have been a shock.”

“It was.” Kristoff tells you as he sits down. He picks up the Bordeaux, his thumb chasing along the curvature of the wine glass. “In that moment it’s like the world just stopped and everything I had done up until that point it didn’t matter.  It feels like I’m staring down the barrel of a gun and I…”

He’d shaken his head then before his gaze flickered up to meet yours.

“This is the first real conversion I have had about it. You are then only one I can let see this part of me, the only one I trust to be vulnerable around. That’s why I need you…”

You see your mistake almost immediately. You’d forgotten what it was like to be around Kristof, how he manipulates the situation to suit him. He’s intentionally pulling on your heart strings, strumming them the same way he did back then. The difference is you’ve grown now, moved on, you know how to set boundaries.

“That’s not going to happen Kris.” You say firmly. “We’ve been divorced three years now and it took me a long time to recover from what you did to me. You’ve never held yourself accountable for any of it, not the games, not the women…”

“You want me to say I’m sorry?” He interrupts you, his voice filled with ire. “Fine I’m sorry, but you were sad all the fucking time. What was I supposed to do when you decided you didn’t want to put out?”

You lose your shit then because the audacity of this man astounds you.

“My friend had just died. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to go down on you to help ‘relieve’ a little stress before the Congressional Dinner.”

“That’s not…” He trails off, the muscle in his cheek twitching because the reason the two of you had gotten divorced was because you’d walked in on him fucking a Whitehouse Aide in your bed after picking up his tuxedo.  “That’s not what I came here to talk about. I need you to come back…”

“And I need you to get the fuck out.” You were on your feet at that point already heading back to grab your phone. “Fuck, I’ll call Metro myself.”

It’s the threat of a scandal that tips him over the edge. The idea of him being dragged out of his ex-wife’s apartment in handcuffs for breaking and entering. You suspect in that moment he saw his future, declining health, his reputation in tatters and he blamed you, the woman who refused to be controlled by him anymore.

It had become a fight for your life after that because you had no doubt that he wanted to kill you. You could see it in his eyes.

When you wake up, it’s with an intense agony in your left side and a dry mouth. You try to move your hand to pull off the oxygen mask on your face but Alden’s already intervening. His fingers gently curl around yours, guiding your hand back down as he raises to his feet so that you can see his face. You can’t describe how comforting you find his presence so instead you squeeze his hand lightly.

“Welcome back, sweetheart.” He says fondly, his lips brushing over your hairline. “Trust me, you’ve been missed.”

Love Alden? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[deltaruminations]

rambling some more about a multi-route story structure, player’s relationship to the game, weird route, etc.

one assumption i make consistently when theorizing is that, even if the prophecy is to some degree a fabrication, there is some amount of truth to the idea that a problem exists in deltarune’s world outside of the player’s or gaster’s present meddling. maybe ralsei/the prophecy calls it “the roaring,” gaster calls it “darkness falling,” maybe the player calls it a “bad ending,” but something had already gone materially wrong in the world before the whole game project or whatever started and it doomed the world’s future. i tend to assume that it’s the reason for the project in the first place — gaster wants a NEW FUTURE because he thinks the current one sucks. deltarune has “one ending” and he hates it. he wants a different one.

at this point, i think the prophecy is less an outright lie and more of a hypothesis — there is a real problem in the universe, and the prophecy is an educated guess at a solution: close the fountains, stop “the roaring.” gaster may sincerely hope that this guess is correct, but he knows there’s a good chance it’ll fail. he may even be expecting it to fail. and when it does, what’s the next logical step but to take those findings and isolate another set of variables? just closing the fountains didn’t work, so what if you collect all of the shadow crystals too? will that change anything? and what if that still doesn’t work? what if the only option left involves hurting many people? is that really so bad if the alternative is for everyone to suffer? and if that doesn’t work… if nothing works… no, something has to work. something has to work. something has to work.

and that, i think, is where the deception lies — the player is being drawn into participating in this experiment through the promise of a good ending, without being told that this outcome isn’t actually guaranteed. the goalposts keep moving, the requirements for a good ending keep changing, because gaster doesn’t actually know what those requirements are or if the outcome is even possible at all. the only way for him to know is for him to experiment, and he can’t do that without the player’s continued participation. he puts an unwitting player into a position of responsibility for these characters and uses that sense of responsibility and attachment to the world to draw the player deep, deeper, yet deeper into a mission they may not have agreed to if they’d known upfront that it might only end in failure.

with that in mind, if we say that the weird route will ultimately be a necessary mode of play in the context of the full game, i don’t think it’s meant to communicate a message that the violence of that route is inherently worthwhile to a broader Good. rather, the weird route may be a simulation of powerlessness and desperation, the player — like noelle, like kris — being impelled and/or coerced to Proceed in a situation where there are no good options, but they’re still unable to say “no” to whoever or whatever is limiting those options. sure, the player can turn off the game and never return, but doesn’t that mean darkness will fall on deltarune’s world anyway? there are only two options here: stop playing, and ensure calamity, or proceed and see if calamity might be prevented. again, this isn’t necessarily a lie on our facilitator’s part — it may be entirely true that darkness will fall without our help — but it doesn’t change the fact of the manipulation. the information that the player might be expected to do something like a weird route, if necessary, was withheld from them until the moment they were impelled to do it.

and i think it’s unlikely that the weird route, on its own, will end any better than a normal route. if we believe that the problem is, in fact, real, then it’s unlikely that simply ignoring the storyline altogether to violently destabilize the world even further will, in and of itself, fix whatever is causing it to end so badly. what it might do is wake up the characters and/or the player to the situation they’re in, and cause them to question the choices they’ve been given, as well as the choices they haven’t, and why they’re stuck with these choices at all. it might trigger confrontation of the power structure itself — perhaps gaster himself, and whatever secrets he may be keeping, and/or the Narrative as a force beyond even him.

if we take these things to be true -- that the problem is real, that the fate to be changed is truly a cruel one, and that the player's involvement is instrumental in that change -- then gaster in this case isn’t necessarily a control freak or cunning manipulator by nature or by preference. he, like the player, may be a well-meaning person in a desperate situation whose own choices are drastically limited by a material situation he can’t control. like a player, his position out-of-bounds gives him unique insight and knowledge, a unique ability to problem-solve and possibly save people, but it also renders him a ghost; he can’t impact the material world directly. he’s effectively helpless without the player's cooperation, like the player is without kris. the player justifies controlling kris because it’s the only option they’re given — and again, not acting through kris means the world will end and kris will suffer regardless. the manipulation isn’t morally right in itself, but it might at least be understandable. from his perspective, he needs to do everything he can to keep the player engaged and avoid alienating them, because there's no way for him to help otherwise. and doesn't he have a responsibility to help? he seems to think he does, at least. he’s a parallel to the audience, no more evil than we are, yet no less culpable for his actions in a desperate struggle for power against a narrative that doesn’t want to be changed.

anyway i don’t know how to conclude this. video jame

[communicationthroughlyrics]

I Like Your Blood On My Teeth Just A Little Too Much - 4

You’re a former military, career oriented security executive who has made quite the living for yourself- but it has always been lacking. Your non-committal attitude has led you down a playgirl lifestyle, never really settling. What happens when your new boss throws you a curveball, and as a result? You end up hopelessly involved with a Hollywood starlet.

This chapter is pretty tame, just a bit of tension ;] but it tees it up for Chapter 5- you'll get to find out a good bit of background for Y/N... stay tuned!

2.2K Word Count

Ch 4: Fuck Around And Damn Near Die In It 

You had a smooth, long driveway on the approach from the country road to your home, which allowed you to drive as you wished in whatever vehicle you chose for the day on your way in or out of the house. You were currently flying down your 4 mile approach, but slowed as the house came into view. You narrowed your eyes when you noticed the helicopter on top of the garage. Pressing the button on your keychain, the appropriate garage door opened, allowing you to pull inside.

You quickly hopped out, grabbing the groceries and looking around, anticipating someone to be around. You took a deep breath, realizing that the helicopter had just landed not too long ago, you could still smell the slight tinge of jet fuel. As you walked towards the house, you caught the smell of perfume, quickly realizing who was here before ever laying eyes on them. You briskly walked into the house, not even glancing into the living room, just setting your bags down on the counter. 

“Whatever happened to not worrying about what is happening at work, Kris?” You question, grabbing the groceries out of the first bag, placing them into the fridge. 

“Y/L/N. Paul and I have been trying to get a hold of you all morning. I was worried.” She turned around, walking up to the counter you were working at, pulling out a chair and making herself comfy. “You never not answer your phone.” She narrowed her eyes at you.

“What’s going on? Yesterday you said the both of you could handle everything. Now you're here, and you flew the helicopter. You hate flying that thing. Something is up, clearly.” You state, continuing to put away your groceries without sparing your assistant a glance. You go to grab the contents of your last bag of groceries, but she lays her hand on top of yours. 

“You didn’t see your phone? Paul and I have literally been trying to get a hold of you since 8 this morning. This isn’t like you.” She looked at you with concern flashing across her face. She was right, it wasn’t like you to NOT be attached to some form of technology that allowed you to work when you’re off the clock. Let's be real, you were never really off the clock. You were on call, always. But you were worn out.  You jumped into this career right out of the military, not affording yourself the luxury of relaxation, or rest. You had spend the entirety of your 20’s and now the early part of your 30’s working yourself to the bone. The results were starting to show. Your mind and body were tired, even though you pushed through. 

Consider your curiosity piqued, you took the offending device out of your back pocket, cussing when you realized that at some point, you had hit the power button just right to shut it off. You glanced up at Kris, who was watching you expectantly, flashing her a quick smile. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You mentally berate yourself, turning on the phone, before it started to vibrate to life in your ring clad fingers. 

“I’ll save you some reading. Mrs. Johansson has requested some changes to the security set up for her new home, as well as some personnel changes. Paul needs to clear these changes with you to ensure that they fall within the scope of what is expected, and wants your opinion on these personnel she wants to get rid of and swap. I told him that it could wait, but here we are…” Kris was spinning a ring of hers on the counter to your island, mindlessly staring at it as she leaned against the cool slate countertop. 

You groaned as you saw the texts come flooding in. This was not the ideal impression to set with your new boss. Kris could tell you were upset at yourself, she rested her hand on top of yours, causing you to look at her instead of the phone.

“You’re fine. I told him you were going fishing, and probably didn’t have service. I bought you some time.” She smiled, before dropping her hand and turning away from you slightly, leaning her back against the countertop and elbow resting on the rough surface. There was a small glimmer in her eyes as she broke eye contact and looked around the cabin. “This place hasn’t changed much, has it?” She asked, looking down at her fingers briefly. “I haven’t been here since we split up.” She looked back at you, to gauge your reaction. You were staring straight ahead, looking out at the expansive meadow in the front of your house, not wanting to look at the woman. 

“It’s just how I like it. I don’t want it to change,” you state, as your eyes started to strain from staring at the same thing too long. You finally broke the gaze, looking over to Kris, taking her in briefly. She was wearing one of the shirts she knew drove you nuts- a deep burgundy silk blouse, that she always unbuttoned just enough that you could see the top of her lace bra, paired with a dark blue pair of jeans that you swear she painted on.  As your gaze drifted back up, her eyebrow was raised, staring back at you intently. 

“See something you like?” She lowered her voice ever so slightly- and looked back down to her fingers. 

“Huhh? Wha? No! Been there, done that.” You snap out of it, looking at her as her face dropped slightly. You picked up on the slightest bit of disappointment in her expression. “Besides, we agreed.” You say, alluding to the mutual pact that you both made to maintain your friendship first, and that you two were just not good for each other in a relationship sense. The sex? Incredible. The rest? Not so much. Your attraction to her was mainly just physical, as she was insanely attractive,  but you never clicked beyond that. She always seemed like she was looking behind your shoulder for the next best, and that wasn’t something you could look past for a long term relationship, you broke it off.

There hasn’t been a great relationship for you yet- so you have all but given up on finding anything else than short lived flings and meandering relationships. But you couldn’t help but wonder who she wore that for, as she couldn’t have planned to see you today. And fuck, you hadn’t had a release for a long time. 

“Your loss.” She smirked, raising her eyebrow again before standing up and walking towards the living room, where she anticipated waiting for you to change clothes and come back downstairs. You looked down at your attire- deeming it was appropriate enough for a quick jaunt back to LA for work, and stalked back into the living room after your groceries were in their respective homes. Kris looked up, raising her eyebrow again as you stood staring at her. 

“I’ll be fine wearing this. Let’s go.” You stick your hand out to her, offering her help in getting up off your sofa. She took it, and you let her gain her balance before you pulled her frame close to yours, causing her to shriek at the unexpected proximity of your bodies. Her nose was almost touching yours, as she had her tall pumps on, making her almost your height. Your hand pressed on the small of her back, as you stared with an unmatched intensity into her eyes. “Don’t tempt me to prove that statement wrong, darling.” You brush your hooked pointer finger under her chin as her eyes close, brushing her lips with yours before reaching behind her to grab the keys to the helicopter, and turning on your heel, pulling the glasses off the top of your head and placing them onto your face. You raised your trimmed eyebrow before stalking away, leaving Kris behind in a stupor. You both know exactly what to do to work each other up, and if she’s going to do it, well- so will you. 

It was a tense flight back to Los Angeles, and you were more than grateful to see the approach of a dark grey skyscraper peering out of the skyline with its helipad open and waiting for your arrival. All you wanted at this point was to wipe the grin off Kris’ face, she knows that she got to you, and that you want to prove to her how wrong she was. But you won’t give her the satisfaction. You don’t want to further blur that line, it was messy enough and didn’t need to be further tainted with workplace jealousy when she would hear you talk about your flings, or talk to someone on the phone because you wanted to have your way with her a few times for fun. She was your best assistant, you didn’t want to further risk that or your friendship.  As you approached the rooftop elevator, Kris grabbed your arm, spinning you towards her. Her eyes were expectant, pleading, almost. 

“I need you…” she whispered in your ear, pulling away to further gauge your reaction. She had never acted this way with you, and you were sure there was a reason as to why. 

“We agreed. No, we can’t. I can’t loose you, Kris.” You tailed off the end, not wanting to be this vulnerable right before you had to go and handle some work emergencies. Your voice wavered ever so slightly, and she knew this was a deeper issue you had thought long about, even in her absence. She gently grabs at the back of your neck, pulling you in for a gentle hug. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I just miss you.” She says into your ear, sending a shiver up your spine, before she pulled away. She drops your hand before turning around and walking the rest of the way to the elevator. This left your head spinning, unsure of what is going on. You turned around and walked to the elevator just as it opened, and she held it open for you. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, barely above a whisper, not really sure why she missed you. You saw her almost every day. She gave you a solemn glance as the door dinged open, and you were faced with the board room- your boss, his assistant, and Scarlett with her entourage were all in the room. You looked at Kris briefly, watching as she steeled herself from the emotions she was feeling, and then a breath caught in your throat as you locked eyes with her. You couldn’t help but stare. Gawk, creep, however you wanted to phrase it- she was just fucking beautiful. Kris’ face fell slightly, she knew what was running through your head. 

“When we are done here, I will fill you in on creepy boy.” She smiled, opening the door, and sitting across from the starlet. You stayed outside the room for a brief second, collecting your thoughts and regaining your composure. You walked into the room, and quickly glanced around- all the chairs were now filled, except for one. 

“Nice of you to join us,” Paul quipped as you slid into the chair next to Scarlett. You noticed the slight smile she shot your way as you sat next to her, and your heart skipped a little. 

“You’re the one that told me to take a few days off,” you sneered back with slightly too much venom being present for it to be appropriate for a work meeting. His face dropped at the statement, deciding to leave it alone. 

“Y/N, the lovely woman to your right has some things we need to collaborate with you on, and get your approval before anything else can move forward. That is why this is so pressing.” Paul had regained his composure, standing and buttoning the top button on his jacket as he stood. You glanced over to Scarlett, taking in the sharp jawline and slightly dimpled chin as she smiled.

She was wearing a simple black zip up jacket with a low cut, loose fitting black v-neck shirt, tucked into a pair of light blue, torn jeans and white sneakers. She had thick framed black glasses on, which hid the fact that she hardly had any makeup on. She was definitely dressed down from what you normally see, but damn, did your eyes wander. As she started to speak, it caused you to startle out of whatever daydream you were in, breathing in a little deeper than you thought, and catching a brief hint of her slightly woodsy perfume- which almost sent you into another daydreaming spiral. 

“Are you ok, Y/N?” Your boss asked, taking a quick glance at you while you snapped out of your thoughts. 

“Yes, I am.” You answer, glancing up at him and giving him a small nod to continue. Kris was trying not to laugh at your current state- she had been watching the interaction since you sat down, which is the exact reason she didn’t sit next to Scarlett. Kris may be slightly jealous of your newest focus, but she loved to watch you squirm. 

(CHAPTER 5)

[notmoreflippingelves]

Personally I feel Kristoph just regrets having killed Zak so suddenly on an impulse. Reminder that the locks appeared when asked why he killed Zak specifically. He hated him for turning him down and probably never saw himself capable of murder. Once he killed him he probably felt glad he got revenge and didn't get exposed, but then had that sudden clarity of "oh shit, I actually killed someone", which combined with his paranoia, stressed him out immensely. He tragically traumatized himself.

Zak's murder has always screamed unplanned, desperate "crime of passion" to me, given how dramatically different to the other murder we know Kristoph committed (and set in motion 7 years earlier). Criminology-wise, it's already very unusual for a criminal to change their modus operandi so dramatically without a good reason. And it becomes immediately more striking when we look at the weapons: blunt object in Zak's case vs. poison for the Mishams'.

Poison has long held the stereotype of being a "woman's weapon" rather than a man's. Which yeah, it is a pretty unnecessarily gendered and heteronormative way to look at it. But like what the stereotype is actually saying by this is that poison--regardless of the gender(s) of the person using it--is almost always the method preferred by people who would prefer not to use psychical forms of violence even once they have determined that they "need" to enact violent ends.

These sorts of killers may lack the physical strength or athletic skill to wield a gun/sword/bat/spear,/blunt instrument, they may not be able to summon the adequate aggression to do so, they may want to avoid a bigger "mess" w/ more pieces of evidence, or they may just lack the "sadistic urge" to directly use their hands to enact another's pain. All of the above seem that they could apply to Kristoph given what we know of him.

Even though he has determined that he's going to go through with the murder plot, Kristoph vastly prefers a more detached, less messy, and (in his mind) quicker and less cruel method. Because his heart may not really be in it in the long run. Like do you really think he'd want to get actual blood on his pretty little nails if he didn't have to? He's not killing for the fun of it like some of the other AA killers; he's killing because he's convinced himself he has to.

(Unlike a lot of other fans, I tend to hc that Zak and Drew were actually the *only* deaths that Kristoph was responsible for. Because I maintain that that there was something much more specific and important about the Gramarye case to Kris than simply "wah, I was fired from my first big case and now I'm gonna be petty af about it." No like, this case in particular--besides just "an important case that could make my career"-- was personal to Kris for reasons we may never know).

Even though he knew that this could very well come back to bite him in the derriere, Kristoph was probably secretly relieved that the poison didn't work right away for the Mishams--or that if it had worked, he wouldn't have to find out about it. Out of sight, out of mind and he wouldn't have to face his conscience. And in the worst case scenario, the murder plan was still in place should Kristoph need to enact it later. (Which he did by writing to Drew *during* (and not before) Kristoph's incarceration following Zak's murder.)

So with all that in mind, Kristoph's murder of Zak just seems more and more of a desperate, impulsive act. It's not his style at all, and yet he did it. He saw Zak, realized he was at risk, and panicked.

And yeah, I would imagine that even if we assume he had no regrets/second thoughts about Drew Misham's murder, Zak's murder would psychologically feel really really different to Kris. And I imagine that it could potentially prove even more psychologically damaging to him.

Because braining "Shadi Smith" with a grape juice bottle is an act that is sudden, violent, impulsive and totally out-of-character for Kristoph Gavin--coolest defense in the West ,whose intellect is his weapon of choice and who prefers to keep his pretty nails (if not his soul) clean.

[emerald-chan]

Hey Lynn!! I finished the message and sending it to you now for your thoughts before I send it to Dudley. I have been having internet problems so I hope this gets to you this time. Here it is:

Hey guys, Rascal here. This particular message is something that's been coming for a long time now. I know that when it comes to the affairs of discourse with certain members or addressing behavior or contoversy, usually the co-leaders address and handle it then tell me the results. But this time its a matter that's gotten to a point where I was alerted to intervene myself.

My friend @LynnMagne has alerted me several times that the behavior of certain Solar members has gotten to a point where its no longer civil when it comes to disagreements, or are placing blame on other members for their actions. I've even gotten word that they refuse to listen to reason despite multiple attempts to defuse the situation or explain why their actions/words were wrong. I was also sent evidence of these actions through screenshots of conversations.

This tab only allows up to five images, but I can post the other evidences in the next post if necessary.

Other rascals that have supported evidence are Davi Crossover, Dino/Mysticals and will post their responses/evidence and messages on their respective community tabs as well.

You're free to look at the below pictures that were sent as evidence of certain Solars actions. With that being said, we've come to a decided the only action that could fix this:

Banning Solar members who are also Rascals from the group and revoking their staff member status. Its not something I wanted to do, and I really hate losing people in the group, but I made the Rascals group so we could have fun together, not tear anyone apart.

There was an idea to monitor people, but this could require TONS of time and it would interfere with many regular members schedule. Not to mention that both sides would feel a lack of privacy as well. I don't mind when others want to have conversations or even disagreements, but when it escalates to a point they can't listen to reason, then we have to take action.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but its been something I've needed to address for a long time. I'm not personally mad at anyone, or holding a grudge. I'm just kind of disappointed in this coming to light. I can even understand if you're mad at me. I just want my friends to be safe as we work on what we love, either together or apart. We'll get back to the fun stuff (outside of new podcasts releasing) soon enough, we just need to get past this first.

Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry it took me a while to finally address this.

Sincerely, Rascal. 🐶

This draft does speak a lot about what I want to say. I know the Solars don't like Breindel for some things he did and they accuse Davi of paedophilia for being friends with him but just because you and Davi are friends with him doesn't make you two paedophiles. I have known you two long enough to know you two would never do such a thing. It is a serious accusation to make. I would suggest clarifying on that when revising the draft or maybe me, Dino, and Davi can clarify on that. The Solars often force Davi to not be friends with Breindel and Candler to not be friends with me due to these accusations. They shouldn't force others to end friendships. The accusations made also lead to them making dumb reasons to ban people like me, Davi, Dino, and Diego from the Solars. I might also make it clear in either your draft or my response/message that everyone has a right to tell problems regardless of age difference between members. I just want to make that point in regard to Arkys accusing me and Clover of trauma dumping and Nala calling us out on it because Nala defended Kris as a nice person who has been nothing but kind to me and Clover though it's not true and Arkys doesn't want to hear anything mean about Kris. Nala said I shouldn't tell Arkys about it since he is in high school and I am a college student. Kris might have done something to me if I didn't block him which Clover warned me on. If a Solar has their staff member status revoked in the Solars, Shadows, Outcasts, or Guardians, they can't be a staff member for other groups other Solars made like Shadows, Outcasts, or Guardians, be reselected to be a staff member, nor create another group. Well, a lot of the evidence proves that the Solars aren't as good as they present themselves as and I suggest they work on themselves before inducting anymore members into the group. There are a few nice Solars which are Sean, Mandy, Nuke, Sonic Past Cool, Art Dragon, Clover, and Daniela.

[pancake404]

Speed and Alan, their relationship

I don't normally do just written posts but here it goes...

Honestly, I'm not even sure what to call the AU with Speed and Alan. Sometimes I just refer it as "Speed and Alan" but other times I think it would be cool if it's called either "Two-faced" or "Eeveelution Squad Red and Blue" to match the games. I'm just to switch between them here and there but I might also just not have a name.

Now, back to the actual topic which is Speed and Alan in this Alternative Universe. Previously I've stated that Alan functions as a tormenting figure after so long suffering from his original timeline to also the berserk virus. Now that I sort of developed it a little more, their relationship has shifted but in a more complex way both positive and negative.

Their relationship is sort of all over the place. Alan and Speed can function as twins stuck together, often disagree about things but still understands the other better than anyone else. Sometimes, Alan functions like an older brother not only to their younger siblings(when Speed shares control with Alan) but like an older brother to Speed even, guiding him and sometimes giving advice. Other times though, they hate each other, or at least Alan does. Speed definitely has some disliking with Alan's more...crueler and violent ways to solve problems as well as nagging Speed to help make that wish come true. A wish that resulted in the creation of Speed in the first place and also a wish that made Speed question his importance to reality as well as if he even has a soul as there is Alan, the original, sitting right there. Alan hates Speed because Speed has everything Alan literary wished for, none of the bad events happened. Kris and Flare aren't dead, Sunshine isn't dead, Stella isn't dead, one of the parents might be alive, and Speed isn't treat like some wild pokemon and is treated generally nicely by the public. But for some reason...Speed isn't too happy about it nor is he entirely grateful for it and neither is Alan.

Alan wished for none of these things to happen yet Jirachi ended up creating all these timelines. All the timelines Alan would never have asked and didn't ask for. He wanted his family back...not grant that luxury to another Speed. Besides, it isn't like things are the same as Alan would've hoped. They never truly meet Stella again, Sunshine is more adopted instead of being his actual daughter, Flare ended up with the berserk virus(which there is going to be more to that in the future), so many other pokemon in his life that can cause drama(i.e. the side characters as there's a lot of them and Alan isn't comfortable with this many), and the "love interest(s)" in question? Lazuli and Sylvia, two Eeeveelutions that Alan hates for separate reasons.

TL;DR: Speed and Alan have a family-like love/hate relationship and Alan has some complaints to Jirachi because he did a binding vow which gave him nothing(that he truly wanted) and he lost everything.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

everyday i thank god hybe did not buy sm ent.

did you know sm is bringing back fuck ass lucas??? how???

imagine all of this blowing up after the acquisition bpp. i shudder just thinking about how hybe dodged a massive bullet there.

***

Really, HYBE pulling out after the reverse tender offer, resulting in them owning a sizable but not controlling stake in SM, turned out to be the best outcome for them as things currently stand. The drama isn't over yet though, with Kakao's exec team scheduled for court proceedings to resolve by H2 2024.

The only glimmer of hope for fans of SM is the debut of their new girl group later this year. In a parade of faux pas, this will be the positive rallying point for SM stans in 2024. And honestly I'll be happy to see it.

As to Lucas debuting, the only reason this is happening is because he's with SM. For as long as I've been into k-pop, during every major hate train on an idol/group, especially if it results in them leaving the industry/disbanding, it has always had one group of stans at the forefront. Because of their loyalty to the company though, they never reserve the same vitriol for their own, and as no other group of company stans matches their intensity of fanaticism, idols/groups from that agency are always rehabilitated. The only time SM idols have faced any real repercussions has been when they've fought against SM management and lost the protection of company.

One good example is Kris Wu, former EXO member. Like Lucas, he was very popular but also notorious for 'bad boy' behaviour, but that was kept mostly under wraps. There were rumors swirling about him for months on various forums, just like with Lucas, but it wasn't until he sued SM to break his contract and won, that's when suddenly people started talking more openly about his... tastes. Years later Kris Wu was exposed as a rapist in a separate incident, but the allegations showed a pattern that was eerily similar to rumours that had been circulating while he was a member of EXO, receiving massive support from SM stans. There's been a lot said about how several SM idols can do things like marry and have children, compared to idols from other companies, but the unspoken bit of that assertion is that no other group of company stans target people for perceived failings the way SM stans do. Like, even when there is pushback to SM idols, it's coming primarily from other fans of SM groups.

And if you think I'm exaggerating, the next time there's a controversy/scandal about any idol or group, pay attention to which groups of stans are primarily instigating it. I'm serious. Then come back here and tell me what you think.

Lucas won't have a smooth sailing debut, but the only reason he is being rehabilitated to this point in the first place, is because he is an SM idol. This is a form of Big 3 privilege that SM artists benefit the most from, given SM has the largest amount of company stans.

When I say the blueprint of current fandom norms started with SM and that they largely influence the tenor of narratives in fandom spaces, this is yet the latest example.

Lol, truly fascinating stuff.

Stay tuned for Lucas's debut single on April 1st :)

[ephemeralove]

blood on the whetstone

Rusalka reminds her of what she can never cease to be.

When she was little, she had wanted a mother... though not specifically a mother, per se. She had wanted a family, a friend, a companion, a confidant -- she had wanted someone, anyone, who when they reached out their hand would not strike her down, but pull her back up. She had wanted to be loved.

By the time she arrives in Rusalka, Katarina has been slotted into the place where she belongs. Like one piece out of many to fashion a weapon, she is pointed twice over: first by the church towards the terrible unknown, and second by their guide Keranes. She presents them neither crimes nor comfort -- only familiar faces with which to bloody their hands. They number fourteen, a perfect mirror, and by their sacrifice they might dismantle this illusory village and cut the evil from its heart. Yet look as she might, all Katarina sees are the faces of those who have been loved.

Then one rainy day there came a woman robed in lovely colors-- a lady, not a mother -- who extended her hand. Not that Reese had known what to do with it. She shrank away as violets do, staring, quivering, scared. At that, the woman had laughed. It was a beautiful sound; no one had ever laughed for her before; and so she could not hear how still no one ever had. My name is Eremiyah, the woman had said, and that would be the first and only time Reese called her by name alone. Eremiyah, she had repeated, and there were stars in her eyes.

And there are stars in her eyes, brilliant, blue, and bright. The confusion of why Kris is here is rarely ever comparable to the joy of the simple fact of it. Her hand hovers by his elbow, but when he speaks, she knows: he is not her Kris. Perhaps he is not even Kris at all. Keranes' words echo in the back of her skull, a death knell that calls for half his number, but in her selfishness she does not want to give him up, not even if he is false. She worries that this will be their undoing, and worries more that she might regret not following him when he pulls away.

Her chin, poised between thumb and forefinger; the first hand to hold and not to hurt. "You'll do as I say. Won't you, Reese?" Pressure placed lightly at the point of bone. She could break away, if she wanted to, but then she would disappoint her. Clarisse would scoff, and Roro would laugh in the way she'd learned she didn't like. Blood smears on the fine edge of a blade Reese hesitates to hold, beading against the soft flesh of her palm, and Lady Eremiyah smiles the smile she would do anything for. "After all, your life exists for mine."

The sun has only just kissed its zenith in the sky when she looks down upon a young man's corpse. The first attempt on his life comes from the very man who had loved him into this place; the first to claim it from a girl whose mercy is to usher him away once more. It is through their first incendiary actions that Rusalka's soil turns copper and foul, though she cannot find it in herself to blame them. If not them, then someone else would have broken this tepid peace. Someone else would have hated her for the blood they spilled, faulted her for the crimes she learned because of them. Rusalka is not so different from Knorda.

Knorda was only ever beautiful when it was silent. Reese had never loved it, but she had liked it most when the night swept away the day and all its angels went to sleep, so that finally she could scrabble through the garbage for a bite to eat, and finally she could have a moment of rest until morning's first unfriendly heel found her ribs again. They were what Lady Eremiyah taught her not to be -- no, she was a weapon of a different kind. Her timidity, her soft-spoken manner, every facet of who she was refashioned into a tool until she could no longer trust herself. ...until she learned that earnestness was the best way to slip a knife between the ribs.

On their second morning, she is minded of Altea Castle -- not before her departure, but after her return. The once-and-no-longer tactician wears all the mistrust and suspicion with the familiarity of one who would be uncomfortable without it, instead standing at a lonesome edge in contemplation of her worry. Such mundane things as were her joy before (Had he eaten enough? Slept enough? He wasn't hiding any injuries, was he?) are vanished in the moment; are her sorrow now. And for good reason: Kris never comes back.

She killed because she was told to, because that was what she was made to be, and because-- she knew well this was the truth-- she had never chosen for herself to be better. In the end, she still never chose for herself, but for a bright blue star. He was the first to offer his hand and let her be; without carving her, without remaking her, she was enough for him the way she was. And he had laughed for her, once. It was a beautiful sound; no one had ever laughed for her before; and so she could finally hear how wonderful it was to be loved.

The path out of Rusalka they cut for themselves (she is not alone in her mourning, in her worry and sorrow) ends with a body. He lays in the dirt like some half forgotten thing, like his corpse is a pedestal to triumph, and Katarina hates it. Loathes it. Herself most of all for the fact that she will continue regardless of if he is true and real, because death is absolution for a sinner, and the things (the person) he loves remain behind.

The path into what she supposed was her home was as dark as she remembered, for she and they had lived there, and it was never a place meant for lovable things. But there was something worth saving now, though he would live on without her, and though he did not need to be saved. Yet he was the choice she made, and so she led them, light into the darkness.

One final act of defiance, the metaphorical guillotine at her throat--

--the metaphorical guillotine at his throat, the weapon he once polished now having bled him dry--

--the weapon she once polished now having bled her dry, and Katarina leaves her body in the dirt, blood sticky beneath her hands--

--and Katarina leaves his body in the dirt, wildflowers mournful beneath his hands, and it terrifies her that she has no answer for the question heavy at the back of her mind.

Am I... different than I was back then?

They return to Rusalka; light ebbs into darkness ebbs into light. She considers in frenetic, wounded, resentful cycles all manner of things: Who was it? Did they think he was real? Why did they choose him? Was his blood so easy to spill? They make a torrent, a maelstrom, gnashing the kindness she wants to be between the fangs of heartache. And Keranes asked this of them, did she not? She had set them upon their hearts and by this upon each other, a tepid why offered without so much as a how -- and they all had been so happy to oblige.

...In the end, she does not kill because she chooses not to, even if choice has been a hard thing to learn.

(The blade remains sharp, for the past can never be unmade. It is part of her, and she is Katarina: a lady's broken blade, the king's knife, and the sum of the love she has been given & the blood on the whetstone.)

[ralseinumberonebiggestsupporter]

HI EVERYONE HERE'S THE LONG ASS POST EXPLAINING MY LIGHTNER RALSEI AU

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so basically in this au ralsei isn't the prince of the dark, he's just some kid (part boss monster part shadow monster). i already explained how he ended up in the adoption center here. that's basically the premise 0_0

susie and him are close buddies because they were in the same adoption center and susie became protective over him because the other kids made fun of him. over time they became like siblings so they never managed to get adopted because they didn't want to go if they couldn't go together, and since they were very different species there weren't any parents who were able to take care of both. so eventually they just ran away and are now living in hometown.

they've been in hometown for two years (currently they're both 16) so they aren't that new............ they're not really friends with anyone but That's Subject To Change.

(they live in one of the apartments in the complex, the landlord let them stay because people just Didn't move to hometown anymore. they just help them clean and go grocery shopping for them (i still have to decide who the landlord is lol) in exchange for the house. also as soon as they got old enough they started doing little jobs (susie helps at 'sans, ralsei helps at the flower king) so they're "basically fine" (no they're not))

^ outdated, they got surprise adopted by sans 😈😈

susie really disliked kris at first because they had a happy loving family, but then learned that there's more to them... they're also a huge dweeb

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since ralsei isn't in the dark world anymore there's someone else in castle town, his name is earlis and he's made out of a heart shaped locket that kris lost as a kid. he's rude to anyone who isn't part of the prophecy and is hopelessly in love with kris (despite only knowing them for two days...) which kris finds a bit weird but. they still want to be friends. earlis especially hates ralsei because he's not even part of the prophecy, and yet kris treats him with basic respect and even finds his dark world powers cool?!?!? FOR SHAME!!!! susie's part of the prophecy so he doesn't necessarily dislike her, he just hates the people she associates with....

his character arc over the chapters would involve him learning to be less judgemental and overcome his Darkner Struggles. also he will be friends with everyone and become less of an asshole

in chapter two he makes rooms for everyone except ralsei, for whom he places a dog bed inside susie's room. one day he will give him a normal bed

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ABOUT THE DARK WORLD!!!!!!

ralsei's still a wizard of sorts, but he's more of an evil shadow man you know. he uses shadow magic which is useful for putting enemies to sleep in one way or another (spooooookyyyyyyy).. kris thinks it's cool. susie also thinks it's cool. everyone thinks it's cool except earlis.

earlis's magic is basic bard abilities, he has a heart shaped string instrument which he can use to heal or hypnotize ET CETERA ET CETERA

susie and kris don't change much lol

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CHAPTER ONE!!!!!! DA BEGINNING

sooz and rals go with lancer while earlis goes around with kris, acting like a shoujo protagonist ("omg kris you're giving the ribbon to me????? do you think i would look cuter.." "your defense is shit") and he encourages pacifism (just to make r & s sound like Brutal Evil Killars) despite being the world's biggest violence fan. he is a bit of a hypocrite

everything goes about as well as you can imagine but at some point susie and ralsei have a conversation about the whole sooz being overprotective thing. ralsei says he's not five anymore and can defend himself pretty well and susie apologizes for her behavior 💔😢 they firends. sbiblings

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CHAPTER TWO!!!!! SUSIE DELTARUNE BECOMES GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

it's!!! normal cyber world stuff!!! but with two goat boys!!!!!!!

ralsei's popup ads are "humans 4 monsters in ur area" and he starts crying about how he thought it was a friend making site, "dragon blazers rom hack working 20XX" and he installs a virus on the popup, and "shadow wizard money gang"

earlis's popup ads are "how to make them fall for you qwikihow", "cool blue knight dating sim" and "learn to curse someone in ten easy steps". self explanatory

in ralsei's room in queen's castle he has pixelated kittens from his search "kittycat pixel gif", "minecrap cat gif", "pixel gif cat" etc... a poster of a goth band from "disintegration album streaming free", and a list of names taped to the wall from "names that start with ral" (hes trying 2 find his parents...)

earlis doesn't have a room. he becomes a butler 👻

for the ferris wheel / acid tunnel they split up like this

susie goes on da ferris with noelle

ralsei goes on da boat with kris (didn't want to ruin the moment for susie)

earlis gets stuck on berdly duty

sus and elle talk about normal girl stuff. ralsei and kris talk about being orphans. earlis rants to berdly about how much he deserves to be kris's babygirl and berdly thinks he's hallucinating. very nice and cool

blah blah the roaring is coming waaaaahhh they go have a sleepover at kris's. new fountain who dis

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that's basically it gamers... LIKE AND SUB

[hotarutheconscience]

1, 3, and 10 for the rogue trader asks :>

Thanks for the ask.

1) Where are they from? What is their homeworld like? Do they miss it?

As i previously mentioned, Kristina Nikolaevna Romanovsky was born on Vostroya in a noble family.

This is a canon planet, you can look it up here (https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Vostroya).

"Vostroya technically is neither a hive world nor a forge world. Instead, it falls somewhere in between (labelled an Industrial World)"

"The landscape is extremely bleak - highly polluted. Life outside 'managed' zones is almost impossible. Animal and plant life is almost non-existent. Most food is imported"

Kristina is a Highborn Vostroyan, so she grew up in a fancy mansion in the wealthy district of Lenitsk. Because she was raised in the rich family, she had a rare opportunity to see the actual trees, mostly pines. The climate, however, was not nice. Her childhood surroundings were cold, gloomy and bleak. The opulence in contrast to snow, pollution and factories.

Despite all of it, she misses her home planet. This is where her childhood passed. No place like home, huh?

3) Do they have a good relationship with their family? Who were they closest to growing up?

It is... complicated.

Kristina has difficulties remembering her birth parents, she was a baby when they died. She remembers the dad's voice and mama's beauty. And despite the fact she never felt, like she was adopted, she is still bitter. The death of her mom inspired Kristina to study poisons.

Her stepmom... She does not remember her well too. Maria Romanovskaya-Golubeva, was a noblewoman, a patron of one of the military academies. She loved her adopted children dearly, but deep down she wanted to become a mother of own children. Alas, she died in childbirth. But the doctors managed to save Kristina's cousins.

Her stepdad is a difficult story. He was her dad's brother. Uncle. Yet, she still called him Father. After his wife's untimely demise, Alexander became a much colder person. He was already a fanatic, he was strict and seemed uncaring. As if he only loved his sons, the Fisrtborn and the Heir. As if he only saw the children as regicide figures.

No. Of course he loved the all in his way. No sentimental nonsense. Alexander wanted to provide a better future. He gave the kids the best education, tried to raise them as hard believers. Yet Kristina always felt like he trapped all of them in prewritten roles, and the fact that he has chosen her a husband without asking her opinion caused her to escape.

She understood later, that he was trying his best to ensure her wealthy and happy future and this is how the nobility worked. It was, however, too late to fix anything.

She was closest with her older brother, Mikhail. They used to play together a lot, but he as a Firstborn, he was destined to serve in Astra militarum. Soon he was sent off to the Military Academy. Should i say it was hard for Kris to accept that one day he will be drafted and she will never see him again?

As for younger siblings (cousins, actually) Viktor and Victoria are twins. They are 5 year younger. At first she hated them… THEY KILLED HER ADOPTIVE MOM. But she grew older and realized, that she was stupid.

Viktor was a quiet and shy boy, he loved technical stuff. They used read together. Kristina actually liked him, a shy boy who never bothered her. He expressed his dreams to become a Magos. But Viktor was a heir to be. And Kris felt pity. Vitya is blessed by the Omnissiah.

During her escape, she took Viktor with her and brought him to Mechanicus Temple. The Techpriests accepted him as an apprentice.

Victoria was.. difficult. A psyker. Alexander denied this possibility and brushed all the signs off as "she's mentally ill" or "this is her imagination". Yet Kristina suspected, that something is wring with little Vika. And was afraid of her.

Vika was clingy. And Kristina, afraid of her potential powers and weirdness, always neglected her and sometimes even tried to hide from her. How she regrets her behavior towards lonely little sister, who used to cry about monsters in the corners.

Kristina was kinda close with her grandfather, yet she rarely interacted with him. He was always busy. Yet, he taught her how to shoot and gifted a revolver :3

Rebellious Kristina was always compared to her ancestor, Olga. Olga, who rejected the norms.

10) How do they feel about becoming a Rogue Trader? How easily do they take to being the head of the von Valancius dynasty?

Even though it was a shock, she felt like she deserved to be recognized. She worked her butt off to become a Captain, and now Emperor bestowed her with even greater chances. With being a heir, she can do more...

But the mantle fell on her shoulders too abruptly. Kristina was scared. The protectorate is not the ship. Too much people, problems and responsibilities. At first, she was paranoid and panicked. Kristina is no stranger to being in charge. But the sheer scale of newfound responsibility terrified her at first. In the beginning she made some mistakes (Rykad)

Yet with the support of the retinue she adapted quickly.

[sizzlingsheepcheesecake]

1.My favorite fic of yours:

distortion for SURE. ive been here since the beginning and it never disappoints. but from the shorter ones its the camera speaks the truth that i couldn’t which i keep finding myself rereading. i just loved the tension and damons confusion about their relationship was hilarious ❤️

2.My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours:

every single chapter is a smash but early distortion bo(jan)² have a special place in my heart so im gonna say chapter 2. the beginning was so funny and the way you described bokris love/hate relationship was so typical for them haha. and then the balcony scene!!! i could literally feel the vibes of sitting on a balcony at night and smoking while reading it. in combination with the increasing sexual tension and the following smut it was just perfect 🥹

3.The best character you've written for:

bojan!! i love the way you describe him especially from kris‘ or jans pov like the cute little golden retriever boy he is. also in terms of smut ive never understood people who see him as such a manly dominant individual who tops? so i really enjoy the way you write him during sex. its not over the top submissive but just the right amount hihi (tho im still excited for your little subby kris topping bojan action)

8.What I like the most about your writing:

the way you always come up with the most crazy and creative ideas (vampires, edging in a big wheel sauna, damon/bojan/kris photoshoot exhibitionism etc.) and make it work so well! i know you got that comment often enough but i never really liked those fantasy kind of fanfictions and then your vampire fics changed me haha.

Thank you so much for this it made me so happy! 🥺🥰❤️

1.My favorite fic of yours:

That's so nice to hear that you've been following Distortion from the start and are still invested!! It's definitely the one I'm most invested in too and I love to hear people are enjoying it 🥰

and TCSTTTIC is my most popular fic I think based on the interaction for it's length! I really enjoyed it too, it was an idea that was going around in my head a lot before I started writing!

2.My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours:

Ahh that's so nice to hear cuz I have such a soft spot for early Distortion Bo(Jan)2 too! And that was my first time writing smut as well so I'm glad is was ok haha! Ugh I'm so weak for Bo(Jan) shotgunning 😩 I'm also glad to hear that the Bokris set up was coming through as well!

3.The best character you've written for:

Haha I feel like I definitely tend to write from other POV's cuz I'm so down bad for Bojan and I'm just projecting hahaha 😂 he's so easy to write people being in love with!

And yeah as an author I'm such a bottom!Bojan believer even though I wasn't so much before I started writing! And it's different depending on who he's with, like I can see him topping Jere but with Jan and Kris I much prefer him bottoming, even though I'm not opposed to him hypothetically topping sometimes (as we see in Distortion) but I've never actually written it haha and definitely prefer getting him fucked 😇 and I don't necessarily tie bottom/top dynamics into sub/dom dynamics so I mix up the latter a bit more I think.

8.What I like the most about your writing:

Ahh thank you! I think I try to bring believability to all my fics even when they're fantasy so hopefully that makes them enjoyable even for people who aren't so into it. And it's always so lovely to hear people say they like something they weren't expecting, it means a lot 🥺

Thank you so much again 🥰❤️