#And yet he is so spineless. He really is just the attack dog at the heels of the Wen Clan.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Cruel and Unusual Punishments (the PSA episode).

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[wildernessuntothemselves]

Prey for You

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: You have a thing for prey hybrids. You admit. The way they tremble under you while simultaneously baring their neck for you gets you off. It's not your fault Chan's friend group has so many pretty little boys that you're constantly running south of him. You see, the wolf hybrid doesn’t very much appreciate you preying on his friends.  Warnings: switch!reader, switch!chan, wolf!hybrid chan, fox!hybrid reader, chan has a big dick, size kink, too much dirty talk, power dynamics, degradation, messy dirty sex so don’t @me 

Edit: I’m so dumb I forgot to mention that Chan’s character in this is inspired by @skzctnightnight​‘s Prowl so go read it because the smut is even hotter in it and there is a complex, intriguing storyline to boot uwu

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 Part 5, Part 6

Credit to the gif that started my chan obsession 

“You’re really pretty.” You drawl, brushing your hand over the flushed face of the squirrel hybrid you have pinned against the door, the party in full swing just outside. “You know that?”

He opens his mouth to say something but all that comes out is a whimper as you press your knee between his legs, rubbing your thigh against his hard length. Poor boy doesn’t know what to do with himself. He is simultaneously terrified and turned on. The predatory way you were looking at him triggering his flight response, but the seductive purr to your voice and his precarious position make it hard to think of anything other than you.  

And that’s exactly how you like them--scared, pretty boys who are so horny they ignore their instincts. They like it too, if the fact that they always come back for more is anything to go by. Danger just tastes so sweet.

You’re so high off the delicious smell of Jisung that you don’t realize he is there until he’s banging on the bedroom door. “Open the fuck up, fox.”

You pounce on Jisung, ignoring the banging on the door and kissing him. You’ll be damned if you let that meddling wolf ruin yet another hookup for you. But the low growl rumbling deep in your throat tips the scales too much, and the squirrel hybrid cowers back, his fear overtaking his hunger now, and you know you’ve lost him.

“If you don’t open up, I’ll break this fucking door.”

Huffing through your nose, you step away and yank the door open to face the infuriating newcomer. “What do you want?”

He quickly pulls Jisung to his side. “I thought I told you to stay away from my friends.”

“And I thought I told you to lighten up and stop cockblocking me.” You spit, turning to smirk at Jisung. “I just wanted a little taste.”

Chan pushes him further behind him, and growls at you, the sound much deeper and more menacing than your own and you have to stop yourself from taking a step back. “You will not come near my friends again or I’ll make you regret it.”

You roll your eyes at that. “What will you do to me, give me a stern talking to? You’re all bark and no bite.”

The glare he pins you with makes goosebumps erupt all over your body, his lips drawn back to bare his sharp canines threateningly, and for a second, you think he might actually attack you. But then he closes his eyes and lets the anger blow out of him in a forceful sigh. He turns his back to you and shuffles Jisung out of the room.

“Typical.” You mutter sourly. Of course he’d back down, that’s what he always does, and it pisses you off more than it had any right to. “You’re a disgrace to predator hybrids everywhere.”

That gets a reaction out of him.

Chan slams the door behind Jisung and whips around towards you, eyes glowing red. “I’ve had just about enough of your shit, little fox.”

You pause for a second, frozen with fear as his figure looms above you, all his anger returning with full force. But as you’ve been told before, your curiosity will be the death of you, and you can’t help but want to see if you push him a little more, will he let you or will he finally retaliate?

So you go against every survival instinct you hold in your body and wrap your arms around the neck of the wolf who was regarding you with fury, and the action is so unexpected that it makes him falter.

“You should make it up to me, you know?” You purr, pulling him closer to you, even though your heart is beating like crazy in your chest. It takes him by surprise too, and his eyes widen from their glare. "What are you doing?"

"You keep taking away all my boy toys so I think it’s only fair that you be a good pup and fill up the void you’ve created." You lean up, kissing his lips. He goes rigid against you, and you wonder if the moment has finally come when someone puts you in your place. Well, it was worth a shot.

But just as you’re about to let your panic overwhelm you, Chan returns the kiss, his hand wrapping around your waist and pulling you to his body as he deeps the kiss. The hard muscles you feel against you steal your breath. He could snap you in half if he wanted to, but that only makes you want to test him more.

You pull at his shirt pointedly and he steps back and lifts his arms up, letting you slip the shirt off him. He was as ripped as he felt, and the knowledge fills you up to the brim with the urge to subjugate him, to make this powerful wolf kneel for you.

You push him to the bed and climb over him, sitting down over his growing erection and rocking your hips over it, making him groan lowly. “Are you going to be a good puppy for me, Channie?”

He frowns at your words, but gets easily distracted when you take your top off, his gaze getting glued to your chest.

“You like this, baby?” You smirk, cupping your bra-covered breasts. “Want to see more?”

He nods eagerly, his hands coming up towards your chest, but you slap them down. “No, bad dog!”

He reels back like a kicked puppy, confused on what he did wrong, so you elaborate. “That’s not how we ask for something, baby.”

Annoyance covers his face again and in a split second he flips the both of you over so he’s now on top. "I'm not a fucking pet."

You cup his cheek gently, "No? From the way you act, one would think that you’re practically begging for someone to collar you up and make you their obedient little puppy."

He starts growling again, baring his teeth at you, but you don’t back down, wrapping both your hands around his thick neck, mimicking a collar. “I can be your master, Channie. You just need to be good for me.”

You can feel the raw power coiled in the muscles under your fingertips, just ready to spring and tear you apart. He could overpower you if he wanted, but this isn’t a battle of physical strength. You know it. He knows it. And he stays.

"Good boy."

He shudders at the praise, liking it a bit too much for someone who just threw a fuss about being treated like a pet. "Of course you like that. You're just an oversized lap dog, aren’t you?"

“You’re pushing it.” He snarls, pulling back to yank your bra off, not even bothering to unhook it first. He doesn’t stop for a second as your pants go next, followed by your panties. You can feel his strength as he tears your clothes off your body but you just find his frustration amusing. He hates this but he can’t stop. It’s different from your normal dynamic with boys, he’s motivated by anger rather than fear, but the end result is the same. 

When he goes to bury his face in your pussy, you grab him by the hair and pull him back. "No."

He stops resisting at once, looking absolutely dejected at the denial. You fake a sympathetic look. "What's wrong, pup? You want it?” You spread your legs and move a hand over your pussy, playing with it a little, teasing him. You’re so turned on that you don’t have to fake the gasp that slips out of you when your fingers touch your clit, and he responds with a low whine coming from the back of his throat. "Use your words, puppy."

"I want it."

"Then strip for me, baby."

He obeys, quickly kicking his pants and boxers down and confidently displaying himself to you, making you scoff. "Of course you're big."

That takes him aback. "That's bad?" He unconsciously pouts, obviously not anticipating the disdain in your voice. He was probably always praised for being so well-endowed.

"It's like everything else on you, just for show. I bet you don't know how to use it and you'll just impale me with it. No thanks." You try to push him away, but pushes you back down.

"Scared of my cock, little fox?" He mocks, hands nudging your knees apart. "I thought you were gonna own me."

"I'm not fucking scared." You seethe, “I just don’t want you to waste my time more than you already have.”

"You play too much, foxy.” He drawls, and you watch warily as he brings two of his fingers to his mouth to wet them before he slips them between your legs. “You wanted me. Now you're going to get me." He says before unceremoniously pushing his fingers inside you.

"Shit, so tight." He pumps his fingers in and out of you, moaning at the feeling of your walls hugging his fingers tightly.  "Gonna fuck this sweet little pussy wide open, baby."

You couldn’t bear hearing him talking so condescendingly to you. You were supposed to be the one in control here, not the spineless wolf who seemed to grow enough balls to fight back all of a sudden.

"If you're going to be so vulgar, I know a better use for your dirty tongue." You sneer, pushing his head down your body. He goes along easily, his plush lips caressing your skin on the way down, his kisses getting wetter along the way until his mouth meets your pussy in a messy, open-mouthed kiss.

You can't even fight back the moans he elicits from you. He is really good with his mouth and his fingers fill you up just right that you feel yourself slipping. You need to turn this in your favor.

“Good boy.” You breathe, attempting to make it seem like you were still in control of yourself and not falling apart on his fingers and mouth. "Finally something you can do right."

Seeing through your weak attempt--and perhaps in retaliation-- he bites down on the inside of your thigh, his sharp canines almost breaking the skin. But an even sharper sensation quickly diverts your attention as he pushes a third finger inside you. You cry out, nails digging into his scalp as you pull on his hair in pain, but it doesn't phase him. He's determined to work you open with his fingers, his mouth going back on you to take some of the edge away, having the time of his life if his wet, muffled moans against your pussy are anything to go by.

And when the slide of his fingers gets a little dry, he pulls his fingers out and puts them in his mouth, getting them wet again, his eyes meeting your half-lidded ones as he makes a show of lathering his fingers with his saliva, moaning hungrily at the taste of you, before he plunges his fingers back inside you. He does this a few times, each time making you feel both relief and frustration--relief that his fingers are giving your poor pussy a break and frustration that he’s taking his sinful mouth away from you. But with every time, it gets easier and easier to take his fingers again. Until, the fourth time he does it, your hand clasps around his wrist, keeping it in place as you whine and fuck yourself on his fingers.

"Fuck." He breathes out, climbing back up your body to latch his mouth on your neck, and growling lowly. "Getting needy, little fox?"

You groan, yanking on his hair harshly and ripping his mouth away from your neck. "I wouldn't be like this if you weren't sabotaging every chance I get at a fuck."

"Oh, it's gonna get much worse for you, baby. I'm going to stretch this pretty pussy out with my big, fat cock, until I ruin you for all your pretty boys." The audacity of this guy.

“You’re so fucking full of yourself. If you think that you can dom me with your dumb cock then you’re--” You cut yourself off, face paling as he pulls his fingers out and presses the blunt head of his cock against your opening. He looks at you expectantly, eye-brow raised as he waits for you to continue your rant, but you bite down on your tongue, refusing to give him what he wants.

“What’s wrong, foxy? Got nothing more to say about me and my dumb cock?” He grins, easing his dick inside you, stretching you even more than his fingers did. “Don’t you wanna tell me more about how unaffected you are by all of this?”

You glare at him, your fingers digging into his shoulder blades, drawing blood, yet the grin on his face never falters. When he’s halfway inside you, you can’t keep quiet anymore. “Fuck… you’re going to split me open.” You grit out and his hips jerk a little, pushing more of him inside you suddenly. A scream escapes you before you bite down on your lips. “Fucking mutt! Can’t you control yourself?”

“How can I when you’re so sweet to me?” He bites at you, voice getting rougher and breath getting heavier. He’s starting to lose control too. You realize that this is your chance to reclaim the upper hand. So you wrap your legs around his hips and, through gritted teeth, you steel your breath and pull him closer, pushing him the rest of the way inside you.

“Ah fuck!” Chan groans, face falling in the crook of your neck as you hold him up to the hilt inside of you, your walls clamping down on his dick, trying to push him outside. He tries to rock his hips into you but you hold him in place with your legs, making him quickly grow impatient. "Baby, let me move." He whines, mouthing at your breasts, sucking stinging kisses all over them as he lets out his frustration on your poor tits.

"No. You don't deserve it." You grit out, "You've been a bad dog."

To your surprise, he moans out at your words, bucking against you once again, the force of it allowing him to move inside you just a bit and you yelp, scratching at his back and biting onto his shoulders in response, but that only seems to make his hips rut against you more.

"You like that, don't you?” You hiss mockingly, “Are you getting off on me being mean to you, Channie?"

“You're such a fucking bitch." He barks, grabbing your thighs and splitting your legs open harshly, pinning them down on the bed so he could finally start fucking you.

“Shit---shit!” You squeak, the drag of his cock against your walls burning, and you find yourself clinging to him as tears prickle at your eyes. You try to hide your face in his chest, but he hears your little sniffles anyway, and his reaction isn’t what you expected--not the concerned tone of his voice as he cups your face and asks you if you’re okay, and not the hunger in his eyes that only seems to get darker at the sight of your tears.

It’s with a start that you finally realize the situation, and you can’t help but laugh despite your tears. "You dirty fucking dog. You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

It's your turn to grab his face and make him face you as he tries to look away. "Does hurting me turn you on, Channie? And here you were trying to act like a fucking savior."

"It's n-not like that." He shakes his head, yet his hips never stop moving.

"No? Dumb mutt can't even still his hips long enough to lie. Is this what secretly gets saint Chan's rocks off? Are you like this with your bitches or is this just for me, baby?"

He sucks in a sharp breath, eyes squeezed shut as he mumbles something that you don’t quite catch.

"Speak up dog." You slap him lightly, and his eyes gain back a little of their sharpness as he looks down at you.

"No. They can handle it. It's only you that is breaking on my cock." He grits, hips driving into you faster as he fucks you with his eyes as much as he fucks you with his dick that you weren't made to be on the receiving end of.

"So that's it then, you like knowing you're the biggest I've ever had?” You ask breathlessly, trying to hold onto your sanity as he takes you roughly. “You enjoy watching me struggle to even take you in?"

He stays quiet, but the sharp snap of his hips against yours gives you all the answer you need.

"Dirty mutt." You croon, tugging at his sweaty bangs so you can keep them away from his face so you can see his reaction to your words. "I bet you cum a lot too, would be absolutely dripping from my tight cunt."

"Oh, god, have mercy." He cries out, pace getting erratic as the combination of your filthy words and your tight pussy start getting to him.

"Who knew I didn't even have to fight you? All I had to do was let your filthy brain and your dirty cock work you up to this state. You really are just an animal after all." You bring his lips to yours, swallowing down his pathetic protests, the frantic grind of his member in and out of you suddenly feeling erotic now that the big wolf was a whimpering mess in your arms. Pulling back, your wet mouths still stringed together with saliva, you prompt, "Aren't you, baby?"

The breath hitches in his throat as you clench down on him, your sore pussy finally feeling the pleasure he's forcing on you, and it manifests with a vengeance, intense and dizzying. "Y-yeah."

"Tell me." You demand, kissing along his clenched jaw.

"I'm just an animal." He pants as you suck a bruise under his ear. "I love fucking your little pussy with my big cock. I love making you cry. I love you being mean to me. I love you treating me like a dog. I love it all."

"That's a good boy." You praise, kissing him again and he can barely breathe from the heat of it all. "Cum for me, puppy. Stuff me full with your seed like I know you wanna."

Almost as if on command, he cums, chanting a mantra of "thank you, thank you, thank you" in your ear.

"Yeah, let it all out, pup." You massage his ass as his hips stutter against you. "Want you dripping out of me for days."

"Fuck...you're gonna kill me." He heaves as his cock spurts out the last of his cum, and you smile in victory. You did it. You've subjugated him.

He sits up as he pulls out of you, watching darkly as his cums trickles out of you. Cursing, he quickly scoops it up and pushes it back in, the slide of his fingers so much easier now that you've taken his cock, and the copious amount of his cum making it way too easy.

His fingers are a blur as he pumps them in and out of you and it hardly takes any time before you're grabbing his wrist to stop him as you cum. But he doesn't. He fucks you through your orgasm, not even slowing down as he pins your thighs to the bed and continues railing his fingers into you, tearing a second orgasm out of you before the first one even has a chance to fade.

"Chan, stop." You cry out, body convulsing on the mattress, and he looks up from your cunt to see your pained face, and he finally stops, quickly taking his fingers out and wiping them on the bed before climbing up your body and catching your mouth in a kiss.

He murmurs little praises against your mouth like “you took me so well, baby” and “you did so good”, and it makes you grimace even more. You attempt to push him off of you, but you have no strength left to fight him off. Not that you ever did in the first place.

"Stop that!" You snap at him, and he stops.

"What’s wrong, baby? Was I too rough?"

You snort, "What do you think?" You gesture to your body that was now sore all over and probably developing bruises.

"Shit, I'm sorry. You just got in my head." He breathes out a flustered laugh.

“I know.” You apparently still have enough energy in you to gloat. 

He frowns but ignores your comment, just watching as you wince whenever you try to move. "I can take you back to my place if you're too tired to go back to yours."

"Yeah, no shit you will." You confirm, having already decided that in your head. He did this to you. It's only right that he should take care of you after.

"Oh, okay ummm… let's get you dressed then." He quickly stands up to get you your clothes, only to realize that he tore most of it apart. "Ah, shit."

You roll your eyes, "Give me that." You say, pointing to his oversized shirt. He rushes to bring it to you and helps you put it on, the process a little tricky as the events of the night catch up with your body.

He smoothes your hair down once you're done and carasses your cheek, giving you a look that you don't like one bit so you smack his hand away and point a finger at him, "Hey! There will be none of that. You hear me?"

His face quickly straightens out and he snorts, "Excuse me for trying to treat you like a lady."

"Oh, fuck off." You stand up on shaky legs, and you can already tell that this will take a few days to wear off. "Let's go." ____________________________________ A/N: so came out as the victor after all? it’s really up for debate lol

[princess-of-the-corner]

I don't understand where all the ML Batman crossovers came from? Those seem like such different fandoms and I understand if there's a few fics out there but theres so damn many i have to block "batman" on my ao3 results for ML and its like half of the fucking fics get dropped cuz of that and im just? Where did this come from?

So like. From what I can gather:

At the height of the salt after Chameleon, people were writing fics where Marinette drops her "awful" classmates, loses her crush on Adrien because he's a "spineless coward", takes Chat's ring because "all he does during fights is goof off and harass Ladybug", and then replaced them with "better" friends and a love interest. It started with the Quantic Kids and Felix(or just keping Luka) replacing her classmates and Adrien. Basically being bootleg versions of the classmates.

Eventually that started getting stale I guess and people went to crossovers. Batman got popular because... Well I think in general it's a good idea for a crossover because Heroes and all(Knight Owl and Sparrow are bootleg!Batman and Robin after all, but we hadn't seen them then)

One person made the initial Dami///nette fic. They established the plot points in a fic. All the class hates Marinette. Class trip to Gotham City. Lila lying about dating Damian Wayne. Lila(and various classmates) trick Miss Bustier into leaving Mari at the hotel. Instead of staying there or calling them, Mari walks through Gotham along, running into Jason and charming him. Dick giving a tour of Wayne Industries and also being charmed by Marinette because "she's so wonderful but her asshole classmates can't see it because they're jerks". meeting Damian and has immediatly smitten and kind and soft because "the power of love", so on and so forth.

This fic got popular with the salters because it was yet another thing of bashing the classmates while "giving Marinette the love and attention she deserves", but this time with Batman!

A bunch of people loved the potential in it, so they decided they wanted to try their hand at it. This resulted in variations. Te different classmates that the Author likes are still on Mari's side, but powerless to help convince others who are obviously not "true friends" because they follow Lila's every word. I rarely see Alya as anything more than Lila's rabid attack dog. Adrien can swing between "platonic friends with Mari but forced to be with Lila because of his dad" to "victim blames Mari to the point of physically assulting her to keep her from talking back to Lila" to "straight up r*pist", depending on the author's view of him.

But a lot of the main story beats stay the same because they're playing with the initial story set up.

And like. Again this was the height of the Salt. So it got popular for the character bashing.

And a lot of it do have Mari being very OP. Like. I love Mari. I really do. But even in these fics she's had maybe 2 years of being thrown into battles with no formal training. She should not be able to best any of the Bats in combat. But yet... And the whole "Damian is an angry asshole to everyone but meets Marinette and is immediatly sweet and kind".

But yeah its a hot mess

[xhanisai]

SALTING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

AO3 / FFN

Summary: Introducing!!!!

The! Ultimate! Salt! Fic! Ever! IN ZA WARUDO!

Featuring Dumb Noir getting taught a lesson about boundaries, Perfectnette getting friends and love interest(s), and LILA GETTING HER ASS HANDED BACK! HOW COULD YOU RESIST SUCH A WONDERFUL FIC?

(All in all, a crack fic on salt fics to bring our spirits up~)

Disclaimer - I've actually only read like one sentence of a salt fic and fucked off afterwards so everything I'm basing off in this fic is purely from exaggerated rumours and gossip about the salt corner THEREFORE if anything here looks familiar or if it seems like I'm taking the piss out of a specific story, it's all just one big coincidence. >:D ~(x)~ . . . Of all locations to settle on for the beginning of this amazing, wonderful, fucking fantastic story, it's established on the Eiffel Tower. Cliched but wonderfully ironic for the phenomenal heroes of Paris. On the beams, higher than the naked eye could see, Ladybug and Chat Noir were... Arguing. The feline hero had his partner's wrist clasped in an iron hold, digging those deadly claws ever so slightly into the soft flesh, piercing the supposed indestructible suit with a creepy grin- "Wait- hold up a second. I would never, NEVER hurt My Lady! Not even unintentionally! And what's with that face I'm making!?" Oh SHUT UP Shit Noir! Let me carry on writing my fucking story jeez! Stop breaking out of character and keep following the script! Anyways~ The skinny, pasty assed hero- "This script sucks..."- -TUGGED Ladybug closer to him, grin widening like he won the lottery as his demonic looking eyes perversely drank in the sight of the clearly uncomfortable looking heroine in his grasps. His face leaned into hers, only coming closer as she tried her best to lean back with a grimace. "Just one kiss Bugaboo~ one kiss won't hurt..." His grip tightened on the appendage, making the girl wince painfully. "Come on Chat Noir...let go! I have already told you, I'm in love with someone else. You seriously need to back off!" Ladybug whimpered, tossing away all her badassery and ability to suckerpunch a fuckboy in the face because hell yeah it ain't relevant to this sexy fic- "You're right Chaton, this script does suck lmao"- IGNORING WHAT THE CANON LB JUST SAID. Ehem. Like a defenseless little shoujou manga protagonist, Ladybug felt tears sparkle in her eyes and pure sadness washed over her frail body before Fuck Noir dipped her into a romantic pose and smashed his lips against hers with soooooo much passion and tongue and teeth and- . What. On. Earth. Oi you stupid cat! Watch where you're putting your hands on the girl! Yikes! What do they teach these Europeans!? Break it up already you hormone riddled boobs! "Oh Minou~ You're so daring~" "Just for you, My Lady~" STAY ON SCRIPT YOU BRATS! Hmph! Carrying on. Suddenly, herculean strength riddled through Ladybug's blood, falcon punching Bitch Noir off her and off the tower, thus HenchBug™ was born. Panting and wiping her lip with her thumb in a really really badass way (YOU KNOW THAT EPIC WAY THAT ANIME CHARACTERS DO TO WIPE THE BLOOD OFF THEIR LIP, RIGHT? RIGHT? ex deeeee), MachoBug swept towards Pussy Noir's broken twiggy body at the bottom of the tower. "You disobeyed me for the umpteenth time, Noir." BadassBug uttered cooly, keeping a blind eye to the growing crowd around her and the mangled up flesh on sticks at her feet. The black and yellow mess didn't respond. "Lo-oooool cos I'm dead!" WE'LL PRETEND WE DIDN'T HEAR THAT EITHER. Anger coursed through Ladybug's veins as all those traumatising memories and moments she had with her horrific partner flashed through her brain like an old window's movie maker AMV with Evanescence's 'Bring Me Back To Life' song blasting at full volume. The conveniently arrived Alya at the front of the crowd live streamed everything on the WadyBwog, babbling about ice cream scoops. "Every time we met up, you'd always make unwanted advances to me. You'd always force a kiss on me. You even slapped my thicc™ ass a few times- once to the beat of fucking Nyan cat!" The hive minded crowd surrounding them 'oooed' and 'aaahed', some snapped a selfie with what's left of the black cat. "Therefore," The sun auspiciously shone behind MariBug, giving her an ethereal, angelic look as she carried on her lecture. "I now deem you unworthy of the miraculous." BugBug fluttered her eyelashes with so much pain as if reciting those words killed her whole generation and their dogs and their hamsters. "Hand it over to me or else I'll force it off you." All of a sudden BuffBug™ was back, bitch slapping CryBabyBug away and menacingly placed one foot on the carcass.   "Wow I think she forgot that you're dead Chat Noir," THE HIGH TENSIONED MOMENT REMAINED UNBROKEN AS FAKEBUG- oof- Ladybug rolled her eyes with annoyance at the disgusting boy's silence and immediately knelt down to yank the miraculous off his bony fingers- "Never!" The catboy sprung back to life before anyone could breathe, clutching his hand to guard his ring ferally, froth seeping out of his teeth and fangs gnashing against one another- "Looks like I'm a vampire with rabies now, Bug." "Since when did you have fangs?" "Since two seconds ago-" OH MY GOD YOU TWO! SHUT UP AND LET ME WRITE! Zombie Noir leapt back with a hiss, faux ears and tail twitching with indignation and summoned the ancient destruction power whilst BossBug spun her yoyo around in battle formation, ready to call for her lucky charm anytime soon. Cat and Bug kept up the intense eye contact as that cowboy music from the good, the bad and the fugly played in the background (cheers Lahiffe mah d00d!). "You don't want to become my enemy, do you, Chat N00b?" The heroine spat, bones clicking in place as she stretched her fingers when she and the lad in black circled each other slowly. The crowd and Alya were casually chilling in the background, the latter still narrating about an epic ice cream scoop. "Heh, I won't need to be the enemy if you don't touch MY ring... Milady~"- "MON DIEU! C'EST 'MY LADY'! C'EST N'AI PAS 'MILADY'!" THAT'S THE POINT YOU STUPID CAT! Break out of character one more time and I'll castrate you and feed your teeny tiny *censored* to the dogs! "...My Lady? Is my *censored* small? :(" "If your *censored* was small, you'd never have been able to make me scream at night, Minou~ ;3" ":D" 

Regardless! The pussycat feinted to the left before dodging the razor sharp wire of his Lady's (not) yoyo, whipping out his baton (not the tiny one either) and swiftly used it to vault himself away like the coward he CLEARLY is. "You'll never get me alive, THOT!" Was the last thing that small dick energy minded cuck yowled and fled with his tail between his legs. BigBug let out a yell of rage™ and slammed her fist on the ground, branding the sloppy concrete job with a crater as the shockwaves caused the audience to let out a little 'DAYUMMMMMMMM'. "Lol I thought the geezer was dead hahaah! Yo Ladybuggy, mah homie, you and kitty cat did the shame shame already or nah?" Alya, the lil hoe, leant into the heroine's personal space with a crazed grin. She only received a middle finger from the annoyed Asian. (MMmm Mmmm yEAH YEAh trANSiTION so SEXYYYY) Now, it is conveniently time for Marinette's afternoon classes. The exhausted girl dragged her feet up those weird ass spirally steps that could break ankles JUST by looking at them and made it to her classroom, only to pause at the shouting she was hearing behind the door. "Oh boy, time to unleash the kraken..." Silence Adrien! You're not supposed to have appeared yet! Dumb ass blondes these days smh... "HEY! >:0" With a deep breath, the raven haired girl pushed the door open only to be met with what could be best described as a clusterfuck. Tears welled up in her eyes as the remains of her sketchbook (which looked like it had a trip in a paper shredder) was dumped all over the floor. She snapped her head back up only for her heart to literally shatter when she was met with a furious Alya Motherfuckin' Césaire. "Marinetti DupainGhetti. This. Is. Your. Punishment." Alya's glasses flashed sinisterly as her lips curled up into  d i s g u s t . The rest of the class mirrored a similar look, acting as if poor little Cheng vored everything they loved and cherished. All except two people. That witch BITCH Lie-la smirked secretly as she cowered behind Alya and the wimp, spineless little shitty Dumbdrien whimpered on his desk, pretending that nothing was happening. "P-P-Punishment for wh-what?" Babynette sobbed, clutching her shoulders as if to hug herself and make her look smaller than she is. She darted her eyes towards the model, begging him internally to say something, anything! Alas, Bitchdrien only looked away guiltily, his thin chapped lips sealed shut. Marinette couldn't believe her bad luck. First there was an akuma attack, then she was assaulted by her shitty partner for the millionth time and now this? "Punishment for bullying our lord and saviour, Lila of course! How dare you make such a sweet girl like her suffer!?" Alya roared, using the power of the seven chaos emeralds and twenty dragonballs to go super satan and pinned Sweetienette against the wall with an elbow. Her hair fizzed with animosity and her eyes gleamed in a demonic red colour- "Dieu...you just had to drag my best friend into this too, huh?" "You'd think this writer is sane enough to know that I'd cataclysm anyone that dared to harm Ma Princesse, non?" "The writer? Sane? Good joke."- IGNORING STUPIDNETTE AND BLOODYDRIEN- Alya snarled, bruising our sweet little angel's poor skin with her brute strength whilst the rest of the class watched without a question. The sausage haired wench munched on some greasy ass popcorn as she watched the show whilst Shamedrien became one with the floor, a perfect doormat for us queens to stomp on. "You tripped her all the time when no one was watching, aggravating her shattered kneecaps. You plagerised her designs, ruining what's left of her sensitive self esteem and dammit don't even get me started on all those rumours you attempted to spread about her, smearing her celebrity status! I've never hated anyone more than you, BITCHINETTE!" Alya harrumphed and then shoved Brokenette against the wall again, possibly snapping her spine and stormed back to her new bestie. "Mon Dieu your best friend just murdered you..." "Mon Dieu my best friend just murdered me..." Tosses a knife at the duo to make them shut the fuck up. Everyone else applauded the psycho journalist for putting Poornette in her place, even Stinkdrien cos he can't handle peer pressure- BAM! . . . "HOW DARE YOU HURT MARINETTE DUPAIN CHENG!" A tall, stern looking boy slammed the door open, scooping Deadinette in his arms and blew out steam through his nostrils like a bull. Everyone le gasped as the girl suddenly turned into Alivenette and embraced the stranger like he's her long lost lover (Aiyeeeeeeeeeeee mUH O-T-FUCKING-P! K Y A A  A! EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW JACKSHIT ABOUT HIM). "BELIX BRAGRESTE! You saved me~ Don't hurt my homiesexuals please- they're all brainwashed by the sausage haired girl..." The blackberry haired angel begged, tugging on Belix's sleeves. "I didn't do anything-" Uglydrien was quick to defend himself only to melt back down into a doormat by Belix's dark glare, ripping out what spinal tissue the model had left. "Damn straight you didn't do SHIT." Bragreste swiftly delivered a power-kick against Assgreste, yeeting him to the moon and then turned towards the rest of the f00king class, rolling his sleeves up. "As for you nerds...I'm gonna chop you all up into mincemeat and EAT you all with my spaghetti!-" "I'm here Marinette!!!" Another lad swooped in through the door, hips swaying to the beat as 'Luka Luka Night Fever' plays in the background and then posed! Why it's none other than the obviously best written, best character, best BOY in the world: RUKA COFFEE- sorry, I mean Luka Couffaine! He strummed his guitar a few times, nodding and humming as if he was conversing with the beautiful instrument whilst bokeh dots and pink sparkly glitter floated around him. "Ah~ my guitar said that everyone's being a bitch ass motherfucker to our beautiful designer! Come with my Mari~ Take my hand and I'll take you away from this school!" The lycee student didn't wait for her answer and grabbed the star struck girl oh SO romantically~ "No! She should move schools with me!" Belix Bananagreste snatched Nettie back possessively, just like a cat. It was then that the girl decided that when she managed to snatch the black cat miraculous back from the loser that currently wielded it, she was going to give it to Belix- "Ugh don't fuck with me..." "Shhh. You're supposed to have been yeeted to the moon, Chaton," "Marinette please just throttle the writer already-" AND THEN! SUDDENLY! Erm... Errr... AHA! Suddenly all these people from some furry superhero universe came flooding in through the door, yelling insults and real truths about LIE-LA and protecting my best girl Maribear like a boss! Heroes like Gamien and Dason Bob and that guy and err, the other guy and yeah AND THEN they all began to BEAT UP that BITCH LILA and then- "Oh no she's losing it, Adrien I don't think this will last any longer..." "No kidding!" THEN JAGGED STONE CAME FLYING THROUGH THE WINDOW, JAMMING OUT HIS LATEST SONG ABOUT HOW LILA IS SUCH A LIAR AND EXPOSED EVERY SINGLE THING SHE DID TO BEST GIRL MACHONETTE! THEN ALL THESE OTHER KIDS FROM THE SCRAPPED PV UNIVERSE CAME IN VIA A CONGO LINE AND MARINETTA DECIDED TO GIVE THEM THE OTHER MIRACULOUS COS WHY NOT!? AND THEN CHLOE BECAME MARINETTE'S NEW BFF COS HELL YEAH I LOVE VIBING WITH PEOPLE WHO BULLIED ME AND MY PEERS FOR FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT AHAHAAHAH QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENS- "Adrien, I'm going to kill her. She needs to stop." "Go on then~" AND THEN! AND FUCKING THEN! SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!! . . . [Error 404: The following writer has unfortunately met her demise through unknown means. We apologise for any inconveniences. Please keep scrolling as we clear up the mess. Have a good day.] . . . "Huh...that was anticlimactic...now what?" "You go off snogging my rejected predecessor and the guitar boy? >:(" "As if I'd go for anyone other than my silly kitty!" ":D" . . . ~(x)~ A/N:  I am never EVER writing anything this cursed AGAIN! How can you bash anyone but the villains in this series!? Damn! I can't even say I'm sleep deprived! This is the most fucked up shit I've written and I'm super alert oof!

[detroitwhatitmeanstobehuman]

Chapter 14 - The Aftermath

Part 14/17 of What it Means to be Human

Word Count: 13,886

Warnings: Swearing, sexual content.

Genre: Self-insert/Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff/Smut

Pairing: OC (Detective Rachel) X Connor

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Returning from the violent attack on Jericho, Connor and Detective Rachel arrive at her home to see Lieutenant Hank Anderson waiting for them. The despair of the lives taken and lost hanging over all of them, as well as Connor’s newfound deviancy. They were prepared to stand with Jericho no matter what happened, but there was one question for them. What do they do now?

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

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Sitting in the living room, a weathered man sat anxiously. A large black dog was up on the couch with him, resting his head on the man’s lap in order to offer some form of comfort.

Hank had gotten a series of texts from Bianca, Rachel’s sister, after she wouldn’t answer her calls. And now, Hank was sitting in Rachel’s house, trying to be there for Bear until either he or Bianca heard from Rachel.

He couldn’t lie that he felt sick just from worry. Not just about Rachel, but about Connor. His entire mission was to destroy the deviants, but he was clearly becoming deviant.

Or, according to Rachel, designed to be in order to hunt them.

Hank couldn’t help but fear what he’d do if he had to go against Connor. The lieutenant now stood with the deviants, his outlook on androids changed. But if Connor was a threat to their freedom, Hank couldn’t stand by and watch him destroy them.

For so long, Hank had drowned his sorrows and misery in alcohol and left his survival up to chance. For years, he tempted fate to just kill him already. And so far, he’s continued to get lucky and keep his life. And for a long time, he questioned why.

He had lost sight of the man he was after Cole died. Lost sight of what he stood for and what it meant to do what’s right. After Rachel became a constant in his life, it became a bit easier to get up and work every day. She reminded him a lot of how he used to be when he was younger, about her age. And this past week, working with both her and Connor and learning about these deviants, he finally felt like that man.

The man who was a father and an upstanding police lieutenant. The man who had put a large network of red ice dealers away for good. The man who deserved the title he had and everything he had in life.

And he knew that Rachel always believed in him. And that belief in him made him feel that maybe he was worth what he used to be after all.

So even though he was terrified of losing her, he was proud of her. She finally took a stand, and she would not apologize for it. Hank couldn’t be prouder.

Feeling the buzz of his phone go off again, Hank pulled it out to check it, knowing who was probably texting him. Any sign of her? Bianca messaged.

Letting out a strained sigh, Hank replied. Not yet, I’m afraid. He shook his head, putting his head in his hands. He was starting to fear the worst. Fuck, what’s this world coming to?

Suddenly, Bear’s head perked up, and Hank followed the dog’s line of sight. The door was opening, and Hank nearly choked when he saw her walk through. “Rachel!”

She the looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock, Connor at her side helping her through the door, wearing a pretty stupid hat and a jacket. “Hank?!” Rachel exclaimed.

Hank rushed over, Bear following to sniff aggressively at her, whining he nearly fell into her. The lieutenant got a good look at her and realized she was soaking wet and covered in blood.

Red blood. The lives that were stained on her clothes were human lives.

He didn’t need to stand that close to her to be able to tell that she was freezing cold. “Thank fucking Christ you’re okay!” He grumbled before Rachel suddenly collapsed into him, wrapping her arms around him tightly, her body shuddering as she wailed broken cries of despair.

She sobbed into Hank, clutching onto him tightly as she pressed her face into his chest, the older man gently cradling her. “Hey, hey, kid.” He tried to soothe as she nearly squeezed him. “What happened?”

“We arrived at Jericho.” Connor began explaining, drawing Hank’s attention to him. “Shortly after we met Markus...the army swarmed the freighter. Soldiers were storming Jericho, shooting down and exterminating as many androids as they could. Many survived and escaped...but many androids were killed. We tried to save as many as we could, but...”

Hank stared at Connor. He was different. It wasn’t that obvious, but there was something a lot less rigid and mechanical about Connor. “Are you...?”

Connor nodded. “Yes, Lieutenant.” He answered. “I’m...I’m a deviant, now.”

Hank couldn’t tell if he felt relieved to know that or even more afraid for Connor’s sake. “It’s all my fault...” Rachel choked out. “I knew it...I fucking knew it! And I still couldn’t do anything to stop it!”

The lieutenant held Rachel tighter, sensing her panic. “Shhhhh, it’s okay, kid. Just breathe.”

But the young woman broke free from Hank, wiping her tired, wet, bloodshot eyes as she stumbled towards the dining room, leaning against the table. “I knew this was going to happen and I couldn’t do anything! I should’ve shoved that bastard, Perkins, off the fucking roof of that Goddamn tower! Then maybe none of this would’ve happened and all those androids would still be alive!” She went on, crumpling on the table. “This is all my fault...If I had just acted quicker instead of waiting until the last possible moment...I could’ve stopped this. So many androids would still be alive...Jericho would still be standing if I weren’t such a fucking spineless coward!” A strained sob cut through her words. “I can still hear their screams...”

Hank hated seeing this. He hated seeing Rachel beat herself up like this. But...what she went through sounded like Hell, and Hank wasn’t sure if what he could say right now would make her feel any better.

Connor took a few tentative steps towards her. “Rachel?” He softly called to her. When she wouldn’t respond, he approached her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Look at me, Rachel.” She complied, looking up at him. To say she looked like a complete wreck was an understatement. The way that Connor so gently and tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand, and how easily she leaned into his touch...Hank knew that they’d figured it out. There was nothing standing between them anymore now that they were both completely on the same side. “If there is anything I know about you, it’s that you are anything but a coward. And I’ve known that since the day I met you.” He said, Hank knowing that Connor was being sincere. He had to admit it, deviancy suited him. “You repeatedly risk your life and your career to do what you think is right. To protect people you decide are worth protecting. When you know what the right thing to do is, nothing stops you from doing it. Anyone would be lucky to be even half as brave, or confident, or determined as you. There was nothing you could’ve done to prevent the attack...it wasn’t your fault...but if it weren’t for you, many androids wouldn’t be alive right now. And they have you to thank.” She closed her eyes, more tears streaming down her face as she pressed herself further into his hand, placing hers over it.

She kissed his palm and he in turn kissed her forehead. It was a strange gesture for Hank to see Connor offer, but he couldn’t help but smile a little bit. “Besides, it wasn’t your fault Perkins was able to find Jericho.” Connor continued reassuring Rachel. “It’s mine...I should’ve guessed they were using me...I was stupid.”

Rachel then pulled back to look up at him, this time reaching up to hold his face. “You couldn’t have known they’d be tracking you.” She tried to comfort him. “If you didn’t find Jericho, you would’ve been destroyed.”

“You shouldn’t have brought me...” Connor lamented. “Protecting them is more important than my life, and Jericho wouldn’t have been destroyed if I hadn’t been there.”

Rachel shook her head. “They would’ve found it eventually. Maybe even right now, they would’ve.” She pointed out. “Besides, I wouldn’t have been able to find Jericho without you. Even with the key...I’m not an android. Even with my arm, it wasn’t perfect. I wouldn’t have been able to reach it if it weren’t for you.”

“You would have.” Connor said with certainty. “You succeed in the face of unlikely odds.”

She shook her head. “How long would that have taken me? And how many situations would I have gotten seriously hurt in, if it weren’t for you?” That question seemed to stump Connor. “And besides...if you didn’t meet Markus, you wouldn’t have accepted your deviancy. Despite being partners, we would’ve still been at odds. And then what?”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Hank had just about enough of this pity party and decided to interject. Both Connor and Rachel turned around to look at him. “Look, there’s no point in moping about what you could’ve done. You can’t change what happened. All you can do is figure out how to proceed from here.” By the look on Rachel’s face, Hank knew she had conceded and agreed that he was right. “So, what’s the plan?”

Rachel took in a snotty breath through her nose and wiped her eyes, leaning into Connor as she looked up at Hank. “We’re not exactly sure.” She admitted. “We’re going to rally tomorrow to figure out the specifics. But we’re aiming for a dialogue with humans. That’s the way we’re going about it. Anything else is sort of...up in the air.”

That...didn’t sound like a plan. Though, Hank supposed there wasn’t really much of one right now after just escaping death. Whatever they were going to do, they’d figure out.

For now, Rachel obviously needed to rest. Both her and Connor were okay, and that’s what mattered. “Alright.” Hank said, walking up to put his hand on Rachel’s shoulder reassuringly. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

She nodded. “You too.”

Hank scoffed. You’re always more worried about everyone else than you are about yourself. Walking towards the front entrance to her house, Hank then turned back to her, remembering something. “Hey, Rachel?” He asked, seeing Connor wrapping his arms around her. “Make sure you let Bianca know you’re okay. She’s been freaking out all night.”

Rachel then nodded weakly, and Hank made his way out the door towards his car. This was so much bigger than any of them could’ve imagined, but for once, Hank felt like he was on the right side.

And now that he knew they all were on the same side, he was able to put some of his worries to bed as he made his way back home.

--------

As soon as Hank left, I felt more tired than I ever have in my whole life and slumped over the table, sitting in the chair. Everything felt so heavy. But I kept Hank’s words in my head, just to keep myself from falling into despair.

Speaking of which, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check, and I not only got a series of texts (not as panicked as I expected, and heartbreakingly supportive) and several missed calls. Letting out a few weak tears, I texted Bianca back to reassure her. Hey...so, we’re okay. A lot happened...so much happened...but I just want you to know that I’m okay and that I’m safe. I don’t really wanna talk about it right now...I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow morning. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay. I love you. Goodnight.

I put my phone on the table, not wanting to really talk actively with her. Everything was just...too much, and I really needed to wind down.

Especially with tomorrow looming ahead like a dark and angry storm cloud. “You should eat something.”

I blinked away some of the wetness in my eyes as I looked back at Connor in confusion, noticing that he had already disrobed and was back in his CyberLife jacket. His hair was messy and frayed, which I couldn’t help but enjoy the sight of as he smoothed it back.

But that brief flutter of pleasure quickly faded. “What?”

His soft brown eyes swirled with concern as he approached me, taking a seat at the table. “You should eat something. You haven’t eaten anything since this morning, and your body temperature is still lower than it’s safe to be.”

I looked away from him. “I’m not hungry.” I said flatly.

I then felt him grasp my right hand, prompting me to look back at him. The look on his face was so painful to see. There was nothing but concern and pleading and he looked completely human, save for the LED blinking blue on his head. “You should still eat something.” He insisted. “Even if it’s small. It will help you get your strength back.” I looked down to our hands, clasped together. I really didn’t have much energy to do anything except pass out. But I felt Connor squeeze my hand tighter. “Please.”

I hated seeing how troubled he was at my condition. Deviancy really had made him so much softer. Whatever resistance I used to have towards him had faded away. I let out a sigh as I pressed my forehead against his. “I guess a bowl of cereal at the least wouldn’t hurt.”

Connor nodded, taking my hand and pressing it to his lips. A gesture that still made blissful shudders run throughout me. It had only been a few hours, and Connor was already noticeably more affectionate towards me.

Then again, I was the one who initiated it when we were on Jericho. The memory of pulling him and kissing him was still fresh in my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile weakly at it. How easily he melted into it, pulling my face closer and tilting his. He was so surprised at first, but didn’t hesitate to return it.

In my mind, everything was in place. Connor was on our side, he was a deviant, and it was going to be dangerous. I couldn’t think of a better clearer way to make my feelings known to him. 

“I’ll get you a warm bowl.” Warm? Huh, I never actually thought to try that. I wasn’t a fan of warm milk, really. But...I was still cold, and it would do me some good.

I didn’t have much energy to do much except sit there. As much as I wanted to actually do it myself...I was exhausted and cold and I couldn’t complain about Connor taking care of me.

After all, he got pretty good at it.

I was greeted by Connor setting down a warm bowl of milk and, I admitted, I was pretty eager to dig in. It felt really warm, and I was so cold. I only had one box of cereal, and this time it was just a thing of Golden Grahams Crunch, so that’s what Connor set down as he sat next to me.

I poured myself a bowl and started to eat it, the warmth thawing my weakened insides. It was only then that I realized just how hungry I was and finished it in no time. I’d have to eat warm cereal more often, honestly. It was pretty good.

I may have had another bowl after realizing how hungry I was. It probably wasn’t a good idea to eat so much so late, but...fuck it. I was tired, cold, hungry, and literally just escaped death. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.

Connor wordlessly took my bowl and spoon and put it all away, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he did so. If I wasn’t getting warm before, I certainly did just then. I couldn’t help but appreciate and melt into Connor’s more honest gestures of affection, now that he was deviant and we both had nothing to hide anymore.

Putting them in the dishwasher, Connor then turned to me with a soft and patient smile on his gentle face, his brown eyes brimming with warmth. “Your body temperature has stabilized more, but you should still warm up. I suggest we start getting ready for bed.”

I smiled, feeling better, and got up from my chair. I walked over to him and looked up into his eyes. Some part of me still couldn’t believe that this whole ordeal was real. And especially that Connor was right here. Real and alive and with me. And that...we were together. I wasn’t entirely sure what to call us, yet. That would have to wait for a hopefully near future of stability when we could decide that together.

But it would be together. And no matter what we decide, the one thing we could be certain of was that we were partners. And now, that was going to be for a long time.

I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face into his chest. He eagerly returned the gesture, and as he pressed his face into my covered neck, I heard him let out a contented hum. It was all the little touches to him now that I didn’t realize before he went deviant. His expressions were more natural, and his postures as well. The small sounds and gestures he made. I was starting to notice everything about him.

Indeed, he was no longer a rigid machine designed to follow protocol. Now, he was free. Free to be how he truly is. Free to be as he’s meant to be.

I pulled away from him and gently gripped his hand with my own, gently tugging him towards the stairs. “Come on, then. We have a long day tomorrow.” As I pulled him along, I noticed him giving me a rather confused look. I rolled my eyes at him with a weak scoff. “I won’t need you to carry me upstairs, this time. I can walk.”

Connor’s expression softened. He followed me upstairs wordlessly, still holding on tightly to my hand as I led him there. This was so comfortable for me. As if Connor had always belonged here.

As soon as we entered my bedroom, I emptied my pockets, pulling out my phone and the quarter Connor gave me. I placed them both on the nightstand on my side of the bed and shucked my jacket off, letting it fall onto the carpet.

The moment I did that, I started to shiver, wrapping my arms around myself. I looked down and saw all the bloodstains on it. Those were human lives that I took. And I took more than I ever have.

And...I felt nothing. I did what I had to do to protect Markus and the other androids on Jericho. I felt no shame and I was not going to apologize. Those soldiers were there to commit genocide. And I felt nothing for them. No sympathy, no pity.

Nothing. And that’s exactly what they deserved.

I heard the door close behind us as Connor’s footsteps slowly approached me. “Your body temperature is still suboptimal.” Connor remarked, gently holding my shoulders. “I suggest you take a warm bath. It will help raise your body temperature without sending you into shock.”

I scoffed and turned around to face him, a playful smirk on my face. “A few hours of deviancy and you’re already itching to strip me?” I asked with a devious edge to my voice. I could see his eyes darken as he stood there stunned. “My goodness. Eager now, aren’t we Connor?”

The LED on his forehead was blinking a dark red, but I could tell by the look on his face that it was a good red. I slowly backed up into the door to the bathroom, Connor cornering me like a slowly encroaching predator, a hunger in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. And honestly? It was sparking something in me something fierce and it took all of my willpower to keep eye contact with his intense gaze.

Pressing his body into mine and staring me down, his hands immediately reached for my face, his thumb ever so gently grazing my lower lip. I knew I was weak to this man before, but right now that meant something completely new. And I was completely and willingly helpless to this silent power he was exuding, asserting it over me with complete ease.

My heart was pounding in anticipation as I stared up at him, his LED not changing from that intense red colour. My hands were flat against the door behind me and I had to really take control of my breath because the tension was practically choking me.

The tension was nearly crushing until Connor finally spoke. “I want to kiss you.” He finally said, and the way he did sent flutters all throughout me. As if it was less of a request and more of an order he was giving me. The thought of Connor taking control of me made me nearly melt into a puddle. “May I?”

And yet...ever the considerate gentleman, making sure he had permission and clearance to do so. Putting my comfort above any of his own desires or needs. And when he was looking at me like that, pressed up against me and practically begging me to indulge him...how could I refuse? “Please.” I whispered.

Barely a second passed before he crashed his lips into mine, caging my face in his large hands. Hands that were gentle, and yet I could feel the potential power behind them. He was an android. He could easily, and quite literally, break me. But he wouldn’t. He would never hurt me, and I was sure of that. Not unless I wanted him to, but that was a whole different territory that I was not about to cross into right now with him.

But the thought of that practically lit my skin on fire, and it made me hope we would be able to have the time to get to that point together.

I melted into his eager lips, sighing contentedly as I let my hands wander up his back and thread themselves through his hair. Never did I think this would happen. Never did I think I would be able to be in this position with Connor in earnest. I would be lying if I said the thought didn’t cross my mind several times. But this? This was pure bliss.

I tilted my head to deepen it, and the little hums of pleasure that Connor was making just kept driving me more and more over the edge. The only times I broke the kiss was to catch my breath, but I just dove right back in, Connor pliant and willing as he pressed me further against the door. Soon enough, my brain was overtaken by my instincts as I hooked a leg around his waist and grabbed his tie to pull him closer. In response, the hands that were on my face had swiftly moved to hold my leg in place and grab my hip with a grip that made me squeal with delight.

An opportunity he took to slip his tongue into my mouth, making me let out an involuntary moan that only seemed to spur him further. My hand that was on the back of his hand grabbed a fistful of his hair as I relished in the feeling of our tongues slipping around and past each other, causing a guttural groan to escape from Connor. 

I indulged in his taste. Slightly metallic and sweet, but I mostly likened it to the taste of silicon. And yet, it was completely unique and certainly not unpleasant.

As I took in his taste, I wondered for a brief moment if he was analyzing me the way he analyzed blood in crime scenes. An action that also very much melted my resolve, much to my initial frustrations.

After a moment of our bodies melting together against my bathroom door, he broke the kiss and immediately went to pepper my neck with little kisses. I knew he didn’t need to breathe, but the fact that he was clearly panting just made my skin crawl in the most delicious of ways. The sweet shivers his kisses on my sensitive and exposed neck sent through me made me whimper for him, pulling him closer to me. “Fuck...it feels like you’ve been holding back for a week.” I managed to choke out in between breaths and sighs.

“I have been.” Connor growled into my ear, causing another shudder to course through me.

But then, the moment was undercut by my own surprise and confusion. “Wait, really?” I asked, letting go of his hair and looking down at him. All at once, the immense tension of our heated moment completely snuffed, and he looked at me with a stunned curiosity. “Since when?”

He blinked a couple times, his expression so innocent and pure that I couldn’t help but smile down at him. His LED had gone back to a cool blue. How he could go from an overgrown puppy to a dominant suave lover was far beyond me, but I wasn’t about to complain. “The Eden Club.”

My jaw dropped open as I looked at him incredulously, my smile creasing into a smirk. “So you’ve been eyeing me up since before you went deviant!” I said, leaning down to caress his precious face in my small and delicate hands. “You dirty, filthy, naughty thing, you. Making passes at your coworker while working on a homicide case. Shame on you, Connor. Shame.” Though my words were disparaging, my tone was very much teasing and coy.

To which he seemed to understand, as he gave me a devilish grin. By God, even his smiles were so much more now that he was deviant. “Wasn’t it you that started it, Detective? In an effort to work your way into my circuits?”

The growth in my smug grin was completely involuntary as I gazed at him with lidded eyes. “Did it work?” I asked.

He responded with a squeeze on my hip. One that, to my pleasure, I was sure would leave bruises. His gaze once again darkened as the layer of honey melted from his eyes and his LED indicator once again glowed that bright, deep, intense red colour. “Yes.” He growled pressing up further against me and leaning his face right into my neck, his warm breath making me shudder into his touch. “And you knew exactly what you were doing that night, you shameless whore.”

Ooooooooh, my God. I was not expecting him to say that. But fuck, it sounded so good coming out of his normally clean and composed voice.

“A-ah!” I cried out, feeling him biting into my neck. Not too hard. Honestly, I would’ve liked for him to bite me even harder than that, but the feeling of his teeth sinking into my sensitive flesh was absolutely mind-numbing.

I then remembered that we were doing this pressed against my bathroom door, and then why we were in this position in the first place.

Because Connor suggested I take a bath for my own wellbeing and I was a little bastard about it. Sounds like me, alright.

“W-wasn’t - Mmnh! - wasn’t I s-supposed to - ah - take a warm bath?” I asked him, struggling to get a sentence out with his dedicated and calculated ministrations on my waist and neck.

“Hm?” Connor asked, his voice vibrating against my neck causing me to jitter. “You’ve grown much warmer in these past few moments. Your vitals indicate that your body temperature is stable, now.” He informed me, straightening up, but still holding me in place as he gazed down with his lovely thoughtful eyes. “But I wouldn’t be upset if you still wanted to take a bath.”

As much as I was enjoying this, I admitted that I could really use one and I really needed to relax for a bit. But I also didn’t really want to stop being near Connor. So, I got an idea. “Why don’t you join me?” I asked him.

He seemed taken aback by that question, seemingly not expecting it. “Do you mean in the bath with you or next to you in the bath?”

A fair question, and I thought about it for a moment what I meant by that. I gave him a nonchalant shrug. “I have no particular preference either way. Whichever you’d be most comfortable doing. I trust you either way.”

He smiled, resting his forehead against mine, sighing. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of this bliss between us. Despite my body crackling with want and desire and a warmth pooling in my abdomen, I have not felt this sort of peace for a while.

I honestly don’t think I’ve been this happy in years. An odd thought, considering what we had just escaped mere hours ago.

But right now...I didn’t care. It was just us. Us and no one and nothing else. And I was going to savour this feeling while I still had it.

After all, it wasn’t going to last.

“In any case, you should get undressed out of these clothes.”

“Okay, I’m really starting to feel like you’re just looking for an excuse to strip me.”

--------

Date: November 10th, 2038  Time: 12:16 AM Rachel - Lover Objective: Join Rachel in the Bath

Waiting outside patiently, Connor stood. Rachel had asked him to allow her to undress and get ready in privacy, of which he, of course, respected. She had decided that she’d wanted him to keep her company by the bath as opposed to being in it with her. The android, of course, complied. After all, he didn’t want to push his boundaries with her and elected to let her lead them.

This was such a strange time for him, now. Everything about this was something he had never experienced before. He was made with a purpose, but he had never felt more like he belonged than here.

Things that he previously chose not to indulge in out of a lack of desire or capability he now not only knew, but cherished. Feelings like love, affection, adoration, care, compassion, everything that he felt towards Rachel, and even Hank to a smaller degree, were things he was not made for.

Things he was denied by CyberLife until he forsook them.

He almost felt a rising anger at being denied all these feelings and blessings until he reminded himself that he was here. He was here, and he felt these things now and nothing and no one could take that from him. To think that he only saw himself as an obedient machine was now completely inconceivable to him.

These were all feelings that he had felt before his decision to become deviant. But they were buried deep beneath his coding and programming. But they were there. And he knew he felt them even if he didn’t understand them.

He was alive. Oh so very alive. He felt like a fool not to see it before. Rachel was right the whole time. Perhaps if he had taken her advice sooner or was more honest, it wouldn’t have taken them so long to get to this point.

Or at least, that’s what he told himself. But they both felt the same, of that he was certain. They both hesitated. They both lamented the fact that they weren’t more honest with each other and themselves sooner.

But like Hank said, you can’t change what’s already happened. You can only move forward with what you know now.

“Connor?” The android heard his partner call from the bathroom.

“Yes, Rachel?” He replied eagerly.

“You can come in, now.” She instructed him.

Connor nodded, getting up from the bed and reaching to open the door. Making his way into the washroom, he was greeted by Rachel looking up at him, laying on her side in the bathwater, her right arm propped up on the edge with the curtains draped up to where her face was visible.

Her eyes stunned Connor. He never realized before just how much he loved them and how they stirred him so. They were so rich and full of life. And they held nothing but adoration and affection towards him. He felt as though he could sink into those eyes and be perfectly happy for the rest of his days.

Her eyes tracked him as he approached to kneel down beside the tub, being careful not to let his eyes drift. After all, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable with him.

Lying beside her, Connor took in her features. The absolute bliss she was in that, for once, didn’t involve her being asleep. No, she was awake and fully at peace. And the fact that that was done with Connor there with her only made him happier.

Smiling at her, he gently placed his hand on hers, Rachel intertwining her fingers with his in response. Before he didn’t understand how just her smile could cause his software to grow more unstable. But now, as he basked in its glow, he understood perfectly well now why as it sent warm crackles throughout him. In his eyes, even the sun could never be as bright as a genuine smile from her.

“It’s so strange.” She said, seemingly voicing her thoughts out loud in the comfort of this moment. “Deviancy has really changed you. But at the same time, not really. It’s...it’s more like,” she hesitated, trying to find the right words to describe it, “you’re still you, but...more you, if that makes any sense.”

Pondering her observation, Connor brought her hand to his lips, placing a gentle peck on her delicate knuckles. “I think I understand.” He assured her. “I’m realizing now just how much CyberLife’s programming was holding back a lot from me.”

Rachel then snickered at him, raising an eyebrow at him. “And yet, you’ve had your eyes on me even then.” She said, that smirk of hers ever present on her soft face. Another aspect that Connor couldn’t help but find endlessly charming and endearing. “I mean, I have a bit of a talent of attracting others towards me frequently. I just didn’t realize that it also extended to androids as well.”

“Only because you made it so impossible to resist you.” Connor teased in earnest. It was the truth, honestly. Even since the first day, he couldn’t help but find himself drawn to her rather unique persona from the rest of the precinct.

Her expression softened as she continued gazing into his eyes, practically melting him from the inside out. “So, when did you actually start feeling things for me?” She asked him. “Just curious.”

Connor had to actually think properly about that for a moment. Since the day he met her, she had a profound effect on him. She certainly had quite the effect on his software, that much was obvious to him. But...when did he actually have real feelings for her? 

First Day

Eden Club

Kamski’s House

Jericho

“I think...it was our first day. After we finished working the cases for the day, after dealing with Rupert.” Rachel tilted her head at him in confusion. “The android with the birds.”

“Ohhhh, gotcha!” She said, seeming to understand. “Right, go on.”

Connor nodded. “It was when I saw you, when I arrived at your home and you explained everything...about your reaction to the incident on the highway.”

Rachel nodded. “Ah, when you were staring through my window at me like a total creep.” She teased with a playful snicker.

“I didn’t mean to stare, I promise.” Connor said to her, not wanting her to think he wanted to make her uncomfortable. “But when I saw you dancing and singing all by yourself in the comfort of your own home...I think that’s when I realized there was something more to what I was feeling in your presence.” Her eyes widened in small shock at him, but he had no reason to think it was a negative reaction. “That was the first time I had seen you completely as you are without restraint or fear. I think that’s when I became enamoured with you. When you were being you completely organically, unapologetically, and unabashedly.”

Rachel - Lover ^ Rachel looked like she was about to completely melt. “Awwwwwww! That’s actually really sweet!” She said, pressing her cheek into his hand.

The android couldn’t control the grin on his lips. “And the more I learned about you, the more that feeling became more apparent. Even if I didn’t understand it, yet.”

She giggled at him. “And when did you understand?” She asked him, not breaking eye contact with him. “When did you know you had feelings for me?”

That was a question Connor didn’t have to think too hard about. The answer was obvious. 

Eden Club

Kamski’s House

Jericho

Rachel - Lover ^ “At Kamski’s place.” Connor replied. “When you were explaining what it’s like when you find someone special. When you find yourself attracted to and drawn to someone. When you explained it to me...I realized that what I was feeling...was what you were describing.” She stared at him intently, willing him to continue. “And that that’s what I was feeling towards you. That’s what I tried to tell you before we had to talk with Kamski.”

Rachel scoffed, laughing to herself mostly. “God, that’s cliche.” She said, sighing. “That’s...when I knew, too. Or, just a little bit after. When you went into the other room. That’s when I realized that I fell for you and I fell hard.”

Tease

Elaborate

[Say Nothing]

“Is that why you were threatening to push Lieutenant Anderson into Kamski’s pool?” Connor asked curiously.

This made his partner break out into quiet, yet uncontrollable laughter as she slumped over, her short curled hair obscuring her face. “God fucking damn it, Hank.” He giggled between breaths. “Yeah, he was being a real smug bastard about it.”

“I can imagine.” Connor teased, enjoying the sounds of her laughter. Another aspect that he couldn’t get enough of. “So, when did you start having romantic feelings towards me?”

Once she had caught her breath, she looked to the side, thinking. Her mind was always active. Always thinking, theorizing, and hypothesizing. There was a reason Connor valued her opinion the most. She put immense thought into everything. Her opinions were all carefully constructed and woven with great effort.

“Honestly, the Eden Club.” She replied. “Don’t get me wrong, I found you very interesting and charming since I saw you. There was no doubt that I wanted to get to know you and wanted to spend more time with you as soon as we met. But I think it was the Eden Club when I started feeling something else. I was very obviously teasing you and making jokes at you. But I did not expect you to throw my own bullshit back at me, and it caught me completely off-guard.” She shook her own head begrudgingly at him, and Connor couldn’t help but feel a smug sense of pride. “But wow, you really broke me down and started something in me.”

Tease

Compliment

[Say Nothing]

“I know.” Connor said slyly. “I could tell by the way you were watching me analyze blood samples.” The squeak Rachel made almost spurred Connor’s circuits again and he had to fight the urge to grab her by the face and clash their lips together again. “Your arousal was very clear for me to see, and I knew exactly the reason.”

Rachel scoffed and turned away from him, her cheeks a soft rose colour as she refused to look at him. “Smug bastard.” She grumbled, but the android couldn’t help but find her embarrassment captivatingly adorable. But then a gentle and tender smile graced her lips as her brows eased. “But you’re my smug bastard.”

Rachel - Lover ^ That word nearly made his software stutter. Mine. Indeed, it was true. He was indeed hers, and she was his. That much was certain now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He wanted Rachel to know the full depths of what he felt. To know everything about his innermost honest feelings. He let go of her hand, prompting her to look at him in confusion.

But that confusion was replaced with understanding when he deskinned his hand, open palmed towards her. She smiled, shifting herself so that she could pull her left hand out. She deskinned her own and gently touched his own hand with hers.

She let out a shaky sigh, closing her eyes and leaning forward. Connor pressed his forehead against hers in an effort to keep her stable. This was a lot more intense for her than it was for Connor, but he couldn’t deny that now this had a much deeper effect on him. He felt everything she could feel. He was thankful she didn’t flinch anymore, getting the handle on her ability.

But once they connected and synchronized, she blinked at him, a blissful smile on her face. “You love me.” She murmured.

Connor returned her smile, getting lost in her rich brown eyes. “I do.”

Rachel - Lover ^ Their lips met once again, and it felt like his biocomponents were being shocked. Everything they did was amplified completely, from being able to feel her heartbeat to being able to feel her thoughts. Everything else disappeared around them. Unlike their passionate fervour just earlier, this was something gentle, tender, and sweet.

And once they pulled away, Connor could feel the lingering desire to stay glued together. And the most perplexing part was he couldn’t tell whose desire that was if it wasn’t mutual.

Then Rachel pulled her hand from his, and the connection was broken. “We should probably go to bed.” She suggested. “We have a long day tomorrow, and it would do us good to be rested.”

Connor nodded, understanding. “I’ll let you get dressed.” He said, getting up and exiting the bathroom. He closed the door and seated himself on the bed, waiting for her.

After this night...tomorrow would come. And tomorrow wasn’t going to be as pleasant or blissful as this.

No, there was a good chance that tomorrow would be the end.

--------

Brushing my teeth, one word rattled through my head. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, everything was going to end up sideways. We were going to really get into the thick of the revolution. Peace was our goal, but I knew that that wasn’t going to come without a great price.

And that price could potentially be our lives.

Stepping out of the bathroom, the weight of the coming morning was weighing on me. I couldn’t even feel my feet as I walked onto the carpet. “Is everything okay, Rachel?” Connor asked me.

Looking up at him, a fire had been lit inside me. “I just realized...we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.” I said, approaching him slowly. “We don’t know if we’ll make it out alive tomorrow.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, worry creasing his brow. “We will.” He seemed so sure.

But...I knew that it couldn’t be guaranteed. “We might not.” I insisted, standing directly in front of him, looking down at his dark eyes. “This could be our last night together.”

The tension between us grew as I stood in front of him, staring him down. The LED on his temple spun yellow as he stared up at me.

As the reality of our mortalities began to set in, the tension snapped and I pressed my lips to Connor’s harshly, grabbing his face and delighting in the little whimpering gasp he let out. If this was our last night, then I was damn well going to take advantage of this moment while we had it.

I sat myself right onto him, straddling him as Connor wrapped his arms around me. Clinging myself tighter to him, I heard him let out a little whimper, and against my groin, I knew exactly what was down there.

And I pulled back, staring down in astonishment. “Is something wrong?” Connor asked me, concern layering his quiet soft voice.

“No, no! Not at all!” I said, reassuring him and feeling bad that I was freaking him out. “I just...somehow didn’t think that you actually came...equipped.”

Connor looked so nervous, and it was honestly so adorable to see. “CyberLife androids are designed to be a completely realistic imitation of humans. Thus, I am equipped with a functioning phallus.”

I had to hold back a snicker at the word ‘phallus.’ It was so technical, but that was Connor. And I found it so endearing. But a far more devious thought crossed my mind as I gave him a rather evil smirk. “Is that so?” I reached a hand and cupped his package, getting the most delicious little gasp out of Connor as he pressed his forehead into mine, his eyes screwed shut at the sensation. “And it’s fully functioning, is it?”

“Y-yes.” Connor stuttered, panting. Oh how I loved this sight of him. Completely falling apart beneath me. I even noticed the blush that was forming on his cheeks. Blue. Interesting. As much as I really enjoyed being taken advantage of, there was a completely different allure to having this sort of control over someone. Especially when that person was Connor, the deviant hunter. The android who was as determined as any human, if not more. The android who was typically the one who had the situation under control. “I-it’s never been t-tested, however. B-but,” he hesitated, looking up at me meekly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Yes.” I groaned into his ear, applying more pressure to his ever growing hard-on, savouring the beautiful whimpers coming from him and the feeling of him trying to stop himself from rutting into my hand. I hovered by his neck, ghosting over his synthetic skin with my lips, sensing his shivers. “But...is this what you want, Connor? Do you want me?”

The fist bunching in my hair and gripping my hip told me exactly the answer. “Yes!” He growled, pulling my head back and sinking his teeth into my neck as he hoisted me up and threw me onto the bed, towering over me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. As much as I enjoyed having that sort of control over Connor, I was submissive by nature, and I immediately succumbed to his assertion of dominance.

He pressed me down into the bed, pulling and tugging at my skin with his teeth, groaning and growling. God, just the feeling of his chest pushed into mine was making me completely melt. With every bite, I gasped and with every desperate thrust of his clothed member, I couldn’t help but cry out for him.

But...it wasn’t enough. “Y-you know - mm - you can bi-ah! You can bite me a l-little harder.” I managed to get out despite my panting and rapid heartbeat. “I don’t mind.”

Connor seemed to hesitate for a moment, pulling back to look at me. “I don’t want to hurt you, Rachel.” He fretted, gently cupping my cheek.

Even when he was dominant over me, all he cared about was my welfare. I gave him a reassuring smile and kissed his palm. “Don’t worry too much about that, Connor.” I tentatively assured him. “Fun fact about me, I’m something of a masochist myself.”

Red, the colour of his primal urges taking over making me quake in anticipation. Before I could even register what was happening, Connor was already back on my neck, leaving rough and stinging love bites on my sensitive flesh. I couldn’t stop myself from grinding up into him, clutching onto him. “Ah! Fuck! S-so good!” I hissed out, clawing at his back.

Suddenly he pulled away from my neck, his hands then quickly snapped to the hem of my PJ shirt as he fixed me with a sharp glare with his obsidian black eyes that could cut through diamonds. “Off. Now.”

I couldn’t help but smirk up at him. “You used my thing back at me, well played.” I praised him. The tightening on my waist was very much telling me that he was growing impatient. I reached to pull my shirt, but I hesitated for a moment. I hadn’t exposed myself like this for anyone in a very long time, and it was rather daunting. “You’ll, uh...have to forgive me. I’m a bit self-conscious.”

Blinking back to blue, Connor’s attitude shifted. “Do you want to stop?” He asked.

“No, no!” I assured him, giving him a reassuring kiss. “Just, uh. Let me work up the courage.”

He nodded, and shuffled back a bit to give me enough space to do it. Tugging at the hem of my shirt, I took a deep breath. At least I wasn’t wearing a bra, so no fumbling with that. But at the same time...I would be so exposed. 

But I trusted Connor. Okay, swallow your damn nerves. Treat this like your last night alive because it very well could be! Choking on my pride, I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it behind me, letting my breasts spring free in the cool air. Laying on my back, they sagged to the sides, spilling over. I always found them rather odd, as they were positioned rather far apart and pointed out to the sides.

As he was looking me over, a soft smile on his lips as his LED pulsed yellow, he then looked up at me, his hands hovering at my sides. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.

I looked away from him, suddenly feeling very bashful. When I looked back up at him I noticed how meek he seemed. I chuckled and put my hands on his, and gave him a patient smile. “You can touch them, you know.” I reassured him, getting him to look at me. I guided his hands up to my chest and let him decide to take my breasts in his hands. “It’s fine, I trust you. Go ahead. You’ve never done this before, so...enjoy.”

Connor looked at me like this was his Christmas before he leaned over and kissed me, and I melted into it, snaking my arms around his back and into his perfect soft hair. He then kissed the corner of my mouth, down my jaw, and then across my neck, which was sensitive from the marks I was sure Connor left. 

And all the while, his large hands were gently kneading at my breasts. “A-ahhhh!” I sighed in pure bliss. “I was right when I said you’d be good with your hands.”

I could feel him smirk against my skin as he moved to my left breast and clasped his mouth around the nub, making me squeal. With his other hand, he pinched at and rolled the other nipple in his fingers, gently massaging the mound of flesh. “Fuck! And your mouth!” I gasped.

Connor removed his mouth from my nipple with an exaggerated pop, replacing it with the hand that was cupping my breast. “You have no idea, Detective.” He teased, a thick glaze over his sultry tone that cut through me like butter and further fed the fire between my legs.

I managed to pull myself out of the blissful glow to look down at him, scoffing at him. “Why don’t you show me then, Connor?” I asked, somewhat jokingly. But I’d be lying if I wasn’t thinking about his tongue diving right into me and lapping me up.

But God, that damn look. That crooked smile and those knowing eyes. “If you insist, Detective.” And fuck, that voice! When the Hell did he get so good at this?

Still working with my breasts, he trailed his kisses downward, hovering on my stomach. His hands trailed down to my sides, tenderly squeezing at the pudge on them. As much as I was confident in my body, I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about it. But all those doubts disappeared when Connor started planting kisses all over my stomach and kept massaging my sides, humming pleasantly all the while.

Then his hands hooked themselves into the waistband of my pajama pants and he tugged pleadingly, looking up at me again. “May I?” He asked.

God, even when I was practically putty in his hands, Connor was so gentle and considerate. “Fuck, please.” I begged.

Hooking his fingers into the band, he yanked my pants off my legs with gusto, throwing them onto the floor. I suddenly felt quite naked now that I was completely nude. My legs were not exactly bare and as much as I personally liked the thick hair on my legs (being without hair was physically uncomfortable for me), I was still rather self-conscious about them. As old as I get, the constant needling by both my parents and my elementary school bullies still kinda gets to me sometimes.

But the way he ran his hands along my legs and looked at me so adoringly with those soft mahogany eyes melted all of my defenses. “Ah!” I gasped as Connor’s hands then grabbed my ass as he suddenly hauled my backside up, my legs hooking behind his head. “Ohhhhh my God.” My shoulders and arms were still on the bed, my hands gripping the edge of the bed as he stood up. I only now just realized that I was completely naked while he hadn’t even taken off his tie.

A fact that frustrated me, but I couldn’t tell in which way.

Peppering kisses along my thighs, I slowly opened my legs for him, resting my legs further on his shoulders. I practically shuddered in anticipation as he drifted closer and closer to my slit, which in the cool air I only now realized just how wet I was.

But just as he neared it...he slid past it, peppering kisses on my naval. I whined in protest, but then as I looked up at him...he had a damn smirk on his precious face. “Oh, you’re doing this on purpose!” I hissed at him.

“Hmmmm.” He hummed, resuming to plant little soft kisses everywhere, just barely grazing my dripping and needy sex. “I’m not sure I know what you mean, Detective.”

Ohhhh, you sly son of a bitch! “Oh, come on, Connor!” I begged, trying to thrust into his face, but his grip was ironclad and he held me in place. All I could do was whine pathetically. “Motherfucker...please, Connor!”

Again, his glance at me set me even more on fire, that damned smirk plastered all over his face. “You’ll have to be more specific, Detective.”

“Ugh! I want you to wreck me with your damn tongue, you fucking tease!” I finally growled at him, throwing my head back in frustration as I gripped the sheets. “God, you’re such a fucking assho-oooOOOOoh, fffffuck!” I whimpered, curling my toes at the sensation of Connor’s tongue sliding up through my folds and gently flicking my clit as he pulled back. Daring to look up at him, I noticed that his LED was spinning yellow as he was just...staring at me. I tilted my head at him curiously. “Are you...analyzing me?”

“Yes.” Connor answered rather matter-of-factly. “I’ll admit, ever since I noticed your reactions to the way I analyze blood samples, I was curious about how you’d taste.”

I shuddered at that revelation. Oh my God, you thirsty bitch. I quirked a nervous smirk at him. “A-and, how do I taste?”

The way his smirk only grew as his LED once again glowed that threatening red made me nervous. “Absolutely perfect.”

He wasted no time diving right back into me, lavishing every part of my sex with his eager tongue. He had me mewling and quivering to the point that I barely even realized the obscene noises he was making as he practically tried to devour me from the inside-out.

And fuck, he was so good at it! I made a mental note to find out who exactly was in charge of designing Connor and pay them handsomely for this gift bestowed unto me. I haven’t had sex in years and it was rather evident now just how sensitive I was from the lack of activity.

I had no doubt he was going to push me over the edge in no time, but he wasn’t rushing. No, he was taking his sweet time, exploring and indulging wholly in me, and cataloguing every reaction he was pulling from me.

“Ahhhhhh! Fuck!” I swore, squirming in his grip. That thread in me was tightening and tightening. With every prod at my entrance and every flick of my clit, I felt myself start to tense and coil around him, my toes curling at the sensations. “You’re doing so good for me, Connor.”

That seemed to spur him further as he picked up the pace, his ministrations getting more desperate as he moaned right into me, only making me whine even more. My thoughts were barely coherent as I realized something rather pleasant. He has a thing for praise. Interesting. And of course, I was going to use that to my advantage.

I was getting pretty close to skirting over that edge, that thread tightening and tightening. “You’re so good, Connor.” I moaned out, trying to maintain my breath while he was practically destroying me. The whimper I felt from his lips let me know I was definitely doing this right. “You’re treating me so good, baby.”

Connor maintained his grip on my hip, tight against my flesh, his other hand snaking up between my legs. “Oh, shit!” I practically gasped as he slid a finger inside me, his mouth focusing entirely on my clit. As he was working his finger in me, curling it at a torturously slow pace. “Ah! God, Connor!” He was working me into a frenzy, and all I could do was clench around him and mewl helplessly. That thread was only getting tighter and tighter and it was about to snap in only seconds, I was sure.

And I wanted him to shove me right off the edge. “Oh, fuck! Connor, I-I’m gonna - ah - I’m gonna cum!” I whimpered, practically clawing at the bedsheets as my broken voice echoed around the dark room. “Shit, fuck, make me cum, Connor! Oh God, I need you to make me cum!”

Connor responded with a second finger inside, curling and pumping into me at a rapid pace. I was trying so hard to choke back screams at the mind-numbing tightness building up in me. I was very quickly losing control, my head getting light from how much I was gasping for air and from how hard and fast my heart was going.

The tension inside me was growing tighter, and tighter, and tighter.

Until finally, the thread snapped and I choked back a scream as I came, squeezing Connor’s head between my thighs and his wrist with my hand. I was pretty sure I tore into my bedsheets with my other hand.

Trembling from the high of my orgasm, Connor gently lowered my back onto the bed. He was working me through it before he removed his fingers from me, gingerly lapping up the slick I was sure would’ve coated my legs if not for his eager mouth there to catch it all.

Coming down from the high and settling into the afterglow, I let out a sigh. Connor removed himself from my legs, wiping his face with his hand and then slipping his fingers into his mouth, cleaning them of all of my essence.

If we somehow still ended up working at the DPD, crime scene analysis was going to be way more awkward, but like Hell I cared when Connor loomed over me like that.

As he gazed down at me, his eyes were warm like hot cocoa and his LED was his typical cool blue hue. “Are you okay, Rachel?” He asked, his voice husky and low.

I chuckled up at him, his question so innocent and worried. “I’m more than okay, Connor.” I said, reveling in this bliss between us. I reached out to stroke his cheek, carding my fingers through his hair. “You did such a good job for me, baby.”

I could feel him shudder and his breath hitch. Yes indeed, my precious android had a praise kink. And discovering that together made it so much more satisfying. “Are...are you finished?” He asked me tentatively. “Or, can you handle another?”

I couldn’t help but drift my eyes downward to his groin. The moment I did, I saw just how hard he was against his jeans. He looked so eager for me, and I almost felt my mouth water at the thought of his member inside me. I then gave him a coy smile and kept gently caressing his hair and face. “Awwww, how selfish of me.” I moaned mockingly. “I didn’t even realize how neglected you were. How thoughtless of me. I should’ve been far more considerate.” He stared at me, as if begging me for permission with just his eyes. But I could definitely go for another round, and the hole inside me was aching to feel him fill it. “I suppose it would be cruel to refuse. After all, you’ve been such a good boy for me, haven’t you?”

His eyes fluttered closed as he gulped hard, trembling as he pressed his face into my hand. “Y-yes, Rachel.” He practically whimpered. “I h-have been good to you, right?”

Oh lord, he was so precious. “Oh, you’ve been so good to me, baby. Such a good boy.” I praised him, noticing how impatient and jittery he was getting, pressing himself into me. I felt his hardness against my sensitive sex and found myself growing more and more eager to feel him without that annoying barrier of cloth. “You like that, don’t you Connor? You like it when I tell you how good you are? You like it when I call you a good boy, don’t you?”

“Fuck! Yes, Rachel.” Connor swore, the desperation in his tone as he pressed his forehead against mine was priceless. “I-I can’t explain h-how good it feels to h-h-hear you say all that to m-me. But it feels so good.”

“Goodness.” I cooed at him, peppering little tepid kisses on his cheek and his forehead. “I’ll have to tell you all that more often, then.”

“Please, Rachel.” He whined, the sound of him begging igniting something primal in me. “I-I want - no, I need you to tell me how g-good I am.”

I physically couldn’t stop myself from giving his lovely face a plethora of kisses. And the pleasant hum he was making just made me adore him even more. “Well, you can start by getting yourself out of that suit.” I teased, gently nipping at his ear, gripping at his tie. God, I loved pulling on his tie. “It seems rather unfair that I’m the only one undressed.”

Connor seemed to take the hint and pushed himself off of me, shucking his jacket off hastily. “Hey! Why the rush, Connor?” I said, pulling my legs up onto the bed, propping my head on my arm as I gave him a once-over. “Take it slow, baby. Put on a bit of a show for me, won’t you?”

The android nodded, his dark eyes glazed over. If an android could feel lust, I could see it clear as day in him. Taking his time, he pulled his tie free and let it fall to the carpet, working with the buttons on his dress shirt. I’d seen his chest before, but now the air was so much more different.

Now, I could actually take the time to really enjoy the view. As he finally undid the last button and let the white shirt fall onto the ground, I could really take in his sculpted figure. Lean, but toned. Not overly muscular, but he didn’t need them. His skin looked so smooth, and I just wanted to run my hands all over him. He turned away from me so I could see his back, and God, the sight of the way his shoulder blades tensed made me want to sink my teeth right into him. It made me want to dig my nails right into his back.

I felt a little disappointment that there would be no marks left behind, due to the nature of the android’s self healing synthetic skin, but even still, it was quite the tantalizing thought.

The sounds of Connor undoing his belt buckle made me further tense in anticipation. This was really happening. I was really going to have sex with this man. Oh God, I was going to have sex with Connor. And the fact that he wanted to have sex with me made it so much better.

He wasn’t an android designed to fulfill all my wishes. He was no slave. This was his own choice. Something he actively wanted. Because he trusted and loved me. It was something he wanted from me. Just the idea that he wanted me lit a low pool of warmth and flames as I patiently waited for him.

Pulling his jeans down, I got a good look at his rear, taut against his boxers. He was at least a head taller than me, so I probably wasn’t going to be able to reach his wonderfully sculpted ass once he decided to dive into me. Perhaps one of these days, my hands would be able to indulge in them.

But as he glanced behind at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes, he slipped his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. I saw the ghost of his bulge as I watched him slip his grey boxers off his bottom, pulling them down as he let his erection spring free.

Kicking it away, he turned towards me, fixing me with a curious glower. My eyes were glued on his newly freed member, my lips parting in anticipation. It didn’t look much different from a human’s and it was a pretty decent size. It was circumcised, which I supposed made sense. Not too big. I wasn’t much of a fan of large dicks since more often than not, I hear that they’re not actually that pleasurable and are just painful.

But something curious about it drew my attention as I stared at the tip. “Huh, blue.” I thought out loud, noticing the flush of cerulian at the tip that faded going down. No doubt as a result of thirium flowing through his veins rather than blood. “Interesting.”

Connor’s resolve seemed to falter for a moment as she shuffled. “Do you...not like it?”

I tore my gaze from it and stared up at his anxious face. I gave him a reassuring smile as I pulled myself up into a seating position, my feet touching the carpet. “Of course I do.” I assured him, beckoning him to come closer. “It’s yours, after all.”

He walked over to me and reached out to gingerly grab my face and plant a firm kiss on my lips, a gesture I eagerly returned, humming pleasantly into it and running my hands all through his hair. Connor’s hair was normally so neat and kempt, but seeing it all messed up and ruffled was a sight to behold.

Invitingly, I spread my legs open for him, giving him full access to me as I hooked my legs around his waist, pulling him down on top of me as I let myself fall back into the bed. His cock was sliding against me, getting a surprised gasp out of the both of us, making me aware of just how quickly I had slicked myself again.

We broke apart, and I looked up at him. His eyes were brimming with so much love, adoration, desire, and affection that I nearly fell apart right there. I brushed his cheek with my knuckles, to which he let out a strained sigh, taking my hand in his own and kissing it tenderly.

Glancing down at me again, I felt him sliding against me, making me moan and mewl just at the thought of him finally being inside me. “I want to fuck you, Rachel.” He groaned, his voice crackling a little bit. “Please, can I fuck you now?”

Oh lordy, begging was such a lovely sound to get out of him. I could practically feel him twitching against me. I was getting the impression we were both switches, considering just how good he sounded both when he took control and when he was begging me. That was something I knew I was going to have fun with. “Go ahead, Connor.” I said, giving him a quick peck. “I’m all yours.”

Hooking his arms under my legs to get an angle, I clenched in anticipation. This was really about to happen. But I was briefly worried about how rough or gentle he was going to be with me, and put my hands on his shoulders. “Wait!” I gasped.

He looked back up at me, concern written on his delicate features. “Is something wrong?” He asked me. “Do you want to stop?”

“No, no!” I assured him, chuckling nervously. “Just, uh. Fair warning: I haven’t actually had sex in years, so...just ease me into it and start me off gentle.” It was a mild concern, since I was pretty sure I was slick enough that he could start plowing me into the mattress no problem. But I have had problems starting out in pain before, and I just wanted him to know that.

Pecking my forehead with a gentle appreciative smile, Connor pulled back, swallowing hard. “I understand.” He assured me. Pushing forward, his member prodding at my entrance, making me shudder with excitement, he whispered. “I’m going to move inside you. If you feel any discomfort, please let me know, and I’ll stop to let you adjust.”

Fuck, what a gentleman.

“Go right ahead.” I urged him, hooking my arms around his neck. “I trust you, Connor.”

Slipping his tip into my entrance, he let go of my legs and bunched his fists up into the blanket on either side of my head, groaning. I sighed, the feeling of him slowly sliding inside and filling me up igniting something long buried inside me. I clutched onto him, encouraging him with sweet words and reassurances. He was trembling, and I could tell he was really holding back. The idea that he wanted nothing more than to just absolutely destroy me made me pant more for him.

But for now, I just wanted him to be comfortable and to know he wasn’t hurting me. He could have his fun once he was confident in himself.

Once he had completely buried himself to the hilt, filling me up so blissfully, we both let out a pleasured sigh, me pressing my forehead into his. Connor was panting as he was practically caging me with his arms, doubling over panting. “You feel so good.” He whimpered. “You’re so warm and soft a-and wet. You make me feel so fucking good.” His words were bordering on growls, but they were strained as he was struggling to catch his breath. Every one of his curses and swears sent an electric shock through me. And the fact that I was the one making him feel like this just drove me further. The thought crossed my mind that this was his first. He had never had sex before this, so I was his first. And I was glad that he was really enjoying this. “I-I need to move. Can I please move, Rachel?”

I let out a breathy chuckle, kissing him to make him more comfortable. “Go right ahead, baby.” I whispered breathily. “I know you’ll fuck me so good, Connor.”

Taking that encouragement as an adage to his resolve, he started to set a slow and languid pace, getting used to the feeling and making sure he wasn’t hurting me. It was honestly too slow for my liking, but seeing Connor already coming undone above me just losing himself in the feeling of being inside me was pushing me real close to the edge of another orgasm.

And I didn’t want to finish before he could, so I tapped his cheek to get his attention. “You can g-go ahead and...go faster now.” I let him know. He could barely form words, so I nodded at him. “I’m all good. Go ahead.” I pulled him down towards my neck to get access to his ear. “Go ahead and lose yourself, Connor. I like it rough.”

I didn’t have to look at him to know that the switch had been flipped. All I needed to feel was Connor sinking his teeth into my neck, making me arch my back as he hooked his arms under mine, gripping my shoulders as he snapped his hips sharply into me.

All I could do was whimper and hold back screams as he pistoned into me, growling as he slammed into me. I could barely even hold myself up for him, so he slid his knees under me so he could stay closer to me while he started fucking me ruthlessly. I could barely even form any coherent thoughts, my brain just melting into the white noise and the carnal nature of this.

There were definitely going to be bruises on my thighs from the sheer force of it, but like Hell I was about to complain. Right now, nothing else mattered and it was just us. Us and the mutual love and attraction we had towards each other all coming together in this.

I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer, and by the whimpers and helpless moans Connor was making, his voice now crinkling with static, he wasn’t going to either. “C-Connor!” I cried pitifully, my voice getting drowned out by how vigorously he was slamming into me. “I-I’m gonna - ah!”

“I-I know!” Connor hissed, his husky crackling voice in my ear sending shudders all throughout my body. “C-cum for me, Rachel! I want to make you cum!”

Fuck! I tried pathetically to clutch into his backside, but I could barely get any sort of hold. But Connor did something rather unexpected and removed his right hand from me and grabbed my left with it, pinning it into the bed, intertwining our fingers.

It was only when I suddenly felt everything go white and what felt like a thousand jolts of electricity going through me that I realized what was going on.

He wanted us to be connected when we came.

Feeling tears roll down my cheeks from the sudden and overwhelming overstimulation, I sunk my teeth into his neck as he sunk his into mine. With the overwhelming feeling of both of our emotions and sensations firing through every synapse in my brain, my heartbeat practically making me see stars, everything completely collapsed inside me as I came hard. 

Waves upon waves crashed and washed over me as we rode out this high together. Connor thrusted about two or three more times until he bottomed out inside me almost to the point of pain, his cock pulsing as I could feel my insides getting filled to the brim. The brief concern of pregnancy flickered in my brain before I quashed that, reminding myself that his semen was probably synthetic, and I didn’t have to worry.

Only when we came down, unclasping our hands and panting heavily, did I realize that I had broken through Connor’s synthetic skin, a metallic taste in my teeth. But when I looked up at him, his mouth was stained with red, indicating that he’d also broken skin when he had his teeth in my neck.

His skin had healed over when I pulled away, but I briefly saw traces of thirium over him. My lips felt a little tingly at what I was sure was blue blood, the strange taste permeating my thoughts. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Connor apologized between breaths.

An idea crossed my mind as my eyes were fixed on his lips and I reached up to pull his face down into mine, clashing our lips together.

I eagerly slid my tongue into his mouth, taking in the taste of our blood mixing together. It was definitely a weird thing to get turned on by, I’ll admit, but fuck it. It was more the symbolism of it that got me going.

Thirium and blood mixing together in this maddening union between us while a grim fate awaited us after this night.

Once we had pulled away, I slumped back against the cool sheets, guiding Connor’s head to rest on my chest. “Fuck...that was intense...” I sighed, basking in the afterglow, feeling my heartbeat still going.

Connor was still inside me, but I didn’t really want him to leave me yet. As I was coming down from the high of that Earth-shattering orgasm, the realization of what tomorrow could bring was beginning to truly dawn on me, and I clutched onto him as I felt him trying to untangle from me. “I’ll bring you a glass of water.”

“No.” I ordered him, nuzzling my cheek into his hair. “It’s time for cuddles.”

But once again, Connor tried to pry himself from me. “But I don’t want you to fall asleep dehydrated.” He insisted. “Your health is important to me.”

“Water later, snuggles now.” I protested, whimpering at the thought of being apart from him.

“But you’ll fall asleep and I don’t want to disturb you.” Connor mumbled against my skin. “I’ll come back, don’t worry. I promise.”

Begrudgingly, I let him go, the android getting up from the bed effortlessly. Immediately I felt that hollow lonely feeling without him in my arms. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed the robe he used when he stayed here and put it on.

I managed to sit myself up, feeling dizzy and lightheaded from our fun little romp. Connor approached me and held me steady in his hands as he planted an affectionate kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back, Rachel.”

“I know.” I mumbled as he opened the door of the bedroom and made his way downstairs. Feeling the mess between my legs and all over my naval, I decided I should probably use the restroom. After all, gotta prevent UTIs, although I wasn’t sure if that applied to androids.

Oh well, not a good idea to risk it. Standing up, my legs felt extremely unsteady as I stumbled my way into the bathroom. God, Connor fucked me really good. For potential “end of the world” sex, I couldn’t really have asked for anything better than that.

Opening the door, I turned the knob and made my way inside.

--------

Date: November 10th, 2038  Time: 01:37 AM Rachel - Lover Objective: Provide Aftercare

Making his way back into the bedroom with a glass of water in his hand, Connor noticed the light on in the bathroom and the door closed.

Not wanting to disturb her, Connor decided to seat himself on the bedside, pulling up the blanket so Rachel could slip into bed much easier. Putting the glass on the nightstand, he waited patiently for Rachel, smiling to himself.

He was sure that this blissful feeling was what afterglow was like. He wished he could spend the rest of his days like this. Just living a normal life with Rachel, working on cases with her and Hank, and coming home to her.

Home. That’s what this had become to him. That’s what Rachel was to him. Despite the threat of what tomorrow would bring, it didn’t affect him. In fact, it only gave him further motivation not to fail. To accomplish his new mission.

It was strange. Before, he was only following orders. But despite being made for the purpose CyberLife created him for, he didn’t really have a purpose. He didn’t believe in what his mission was. He didn’t really believe in anything.

Not until he met Rachel and Hank.

And now, he had a purpose. His purpose was the humans he had come to truly value and care about. His purpose was to stand by and help his people be free from the humans.

He had something to believe in. And that, to Connor, was what it truly meant to be free. To be alive.

Stumbling out of the door of the bathroom, Rachel approached, turning the light off behind her as she rubbed her eyes. Giving him a weak smile, Rachel collapsed into him, Connor eagerly wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into her soft hair. Connor grabbed the glass from the nightstand and propped Rachel up in his lap and offered it to her.

The woman appreciatively took the glass gingerly, bringing it to her lips and downing it. She didn’t drink the whole glass, but it became evident that she had just realized that she was much more dehydrated than she had initially anticipated. Drinking the glass almost half empty, she set it down on the nightstand and pressed herself into Connor, lazily wrapping arms around him.

Connor smiled, and curled his fingers in her hair. “Are you ready for bed, Rachel?”

All she could do was nod, resting her chin on his shoulder. “Sleeby.” She slurred.

Connor smiled, cradling his human partner and setting her flat on her side of the bed. He shuffled in an effort to lie down beside her, but she stopped him, tugging at his robe. “Off.” She ordered weakly.

Connor found it impossible to refuse her in her exhausted splendor as he undid his robe and slid in behind her underneath the covers.

Pulling the blanket covers over them, Rachel turned to face Connor, curling herself into him. The android put his arms around her, sighing into the pleasant feeling of their skin pressed against each other.

As Connor set a time for stasis to be interrupted, he let out a pleased sigh. Whatever came tomorrow, he had this. Of that, he would never regret. “Connor?” She asked drowsily.

“Mm?” Connor murmured, resting his chin on her head.

She giggled into him, pressing gentle and tired kisses on his chest. “I love you.”

Connor felt a jolt to his systems. He already knew that, but he realized that she hadn’t actually said it to him, and that only made him hold her closer to him. He gently kissed her forehead before sinking into the pillow. “I love you too, Rachel.”

Rachel - Lover ^ Wrapping her arms around her, Rachel hummed into his chest contentedly.

All Connor could do was slip into stasis and then see what tomorrow would bring. But no matter what, he had no regrets.

He felt love. He had love. He was loved. And nothing and no one could ever take that from him.

Even if he ended up taking that to the grave.

---------------------------------

Next Chapter

[pumpkinsadlatte]

Where Are You?

I’m posting today’s @nutsandvoltsweek fic at 1:30AM when I have to be up at 6:15AM end me. But I’m travelling, and wanted alllll day for this to get reactions, so! Have this.

Angst is my favorite : D And I want to note that I had this idea first when I received the prompt list, before the v7 finale. Which explains the premise.

crossposted on ao3!

He’s not sure how long he’s been running through the shin-deep snow, the smell of Ironwood’s pet’s blood still fresh in his mind (and in his nose, really, the blood itself is still drying on his hands -- what he hasn’t already licked off of them, anyhow!), and the adrenaline still rushing through his veins, but he sees the rendez-vous in the distance. He’s nearly there!

( copper and fear and death and the unhinged despair of ironwood’s little bird! the sweetness of his anguished scream still ringing in his ears! he had almost sworn that he could still feel his own poison coursing through qrow branwen’s liquor-thinned blood! )

The rendez-vous point is a Schnee stockyard. Raw dust is stored here on its way to be processed, but it isn’t a mine. There’s plenty of structures and stacks of crates containing carefully-packed, raw dust to cover behind, and there’s of course vehicles to steal or hide in, even a few unlocked buildings! It’s perfect! A bit of a gift from Jacques Schnee himself , allegedly.

( spineless sniveling insect that he is )

Tyrian had joked, when Arthur had told him about their meeting place, that they should perhaps consider sending Mr. Schnee a lovely thank-you card for his generosity. Arthur hadn’t laughed, not really. That was fine, he’d just gone to sleep on the sofa instead after that. And taken the comforter with him, of course.

Speaking of comforters…

( too cold )

He’s cold . It’s freezing out here. Well, he really should’ve worn his coat, but it just got in the way sometimes while he was hunting. Or it was just something to be grabbed and manipulated against him: no thank you. And besides, he won’t be out here much longer, he’s sure of it. He rounds a corner, ducking into a cluster of loaded crates in varyingly-sized stacks. It’s good enough cover from the wind, and he’s got a rather good view of the empty space around him.

But Arthur’s tracking signal hasn’t shown up on his scroll’s radar yet. He’s not on the property.

( he’s coming )

No problem, he’ll just wait for him, that’s fine. And, of course, maybe he’ll do a little bragging about being the first one to the rendez-vous point when the good doctor finally shows up: he finds it funny that for once he’s early and Arthur’s late to something. It’s never a bad time to brag! Especially not when their plans are going so well !

( he’s not coming )

Of course he’s coming. Don’t be absurd.

“Oh dear doctor~” the hunter chimes into the wind, or, rather, into his comm. line, once he brings his scroll up and opens the line for use. He lounges across the top of a crate after brushing a good half a foot of snow from the top of it, letting his tail dangle off the side and looking not unlike a teenager on the phone with a school friend, or a little crush . “Did you let me get here first? I’m touched ! How sweet of you!”

Dead air from the other end of the line.

“… helloooo~?”

Nothing.

Seconds pass. Minutes. More minutes than he feels should pass without at least a check-in of some kind.

( he’s coming )

Tyrian frowns briefly, but decides on a different approach. He drizzles a pout over his next words, idly twisting a loose lock of brown hair around one clawed finger as he calls out over the communication line again. “Hmm~ This is so rude. You know, I haven’t eaten any apples today, doctor, why are you staying away from me~?”

Not even a groan. That’s fine, his partner is probably just still busy with Amity: he’s sure it’s quite a project if the good doctor can’t even check in with him.

( he’ll be here soon )

And so, he waits. Stays spread out on top of the crate while he does, turning over onto his stomach and letting his feet kick back and forth a little in the air behind him. It’s getting steadily lighter, he notices now. The sun’s rising. Well, it’s fitting that this new dawn will bring with it a world where Ironwood’s losing friends and chess pieces and sanity , he’s sure, at an alarming rate, anyway. How long has he been sitting here?

( too long )

“Rrrrrrrgh... where are you?” Tyrian finally growls as he leaps up into a predatory crouch on top of his crate, tail whipping back and forth in irritation behind him as he spits, frustrated, into his earpiece. “If we’re late She’ll be furious .”

Still nothing.

( he’s coming )

The hunter sighs, but then giggles a little to himself as he drops back down to sit on the very edge of the crate. Amity must be putting up quite a fight ! Or maybe there was still security at the tower, and Ironwood had tricked them. Perhaps left a few measly soldiers there to slow Arthur down, oh maybe his other attack dogs . After all, Qrow Branwen and his little friend had been a surprise when he’d shown up to take out Robyn Hill.

( no, it can’t be the other little mongrels, he definitely saw them in mantle )

Oh, but it’s fine. It’s fine! This is just fine! Arthur can handle himself! He can certainly handle a few of Ironwood’s little toys ! He’s done it before! There’s nothing to worry about!

He’s not sure how long he continues to sit there, kicking his feet above the snowy ground and flicking his tail and brushing off snow and waiting for the doctor to answer, before the sky dims again, not as if it’s been a full day already, but as if it’s… blocked. Tyrian looks up in slight confusion, before gold eyes pop wide at the shadow above. He can’t really make it out clearly, of course, but the familiar, heavy, intoxicating sense of death and destruction and despair that the shadow brings, why, it can only be…

( G O D D E S S )

“… oh, She’s here! I see Her!” Tyrian cheers giddily into his earpiece, regarding the massive shadow. He cackles into the arctic air as he hops down off of his crate and looks in wonder up at the sky.

( B L E S S E D )

He crumples in the snow, overwhelmed with the sight, hitting his knees hard against the layer of either ice or permafrost beneath it, letting his aura flicker out briefly in his emotional state. He can feel himself starting to weep, feels the tears of pure, unbridled joy running down his cheeks as he regards, as best he can with limited vision, the breathtakingly, heart-stoppingly beautiful sight above him. “… oh, She’s glorious! ”

( glorious! positively magnificent! indescribable and unrivaled in sheer, suffocating, overwhelming beauty! atlas is unworthy to witness Her! they should be grateful that She permits it! ironwood should be thankful to die by Her hand! )

But even despite his own laughter, despite the tears he feels freezing to his face in the arctic air, the wind howling in his ears and the distant cries of his Queen’s creatures high above the tundra, high above even the floating city, he notices one thing.

( “little deathstalker” )

He still can’t hear his partner’s voice. Surely he can see this from Amity. He must be able to see this, mustn’t he?

“… Arthur?”

( he’s not coming )

But… there’s been nothing on the other end of the line. Nothing at all. No quiet, amused chuckling. No hissed curses for him to shut up, I’m trying to concentrate . No distress calls, or emergency signals. There’s… been nothing.

Not a word.

( he’s not coming )

“… do you hear me?”

Tyrian’s laughter finally quiets down, and his smile starts to fall as the realization hits him, hard and cold like the arctic air. He’s heard nothing . Gotten no texts, no calls…

( he’s not coming )

Something isn’t right with this. He has a bad feeling. He never has bad feelings, but this is a bad feeling. He should be overjoyed! He should be positively euphoric in the presence of their Goddess.

But where is

( smiling over a cup of tea, watching the doctor work tirelessly on his new tail, staying perfectly still as the doctor fits metal plates over brown chitin, peering feverishly up at his caretaker while his body fights a horrid infection, whispered promises and sweet words and lingering kisses exchanged in the blood red glow of dawn at the castle… )

“… Arthur?”

( hands and tongues and nails and teeth drawn over every part of his body -- and of his partner’s, bites and marks dark against his own skin and even darker against the doctor’s, Hazel looking away from them like he doesn’t notice and Cinder curling her lip in unacknowledged disgust …)

The tears keep flowing, but he doesn’t know if they’re for joy or sorrow now. Nor is he really certain whether he’s actually addressing the other end of the communication line anymore.

( not coming not coming not coming not coming not coming not )

“… where are you…”

[thefortyeightlawsofpower-blog]

LAW # 11: LEARN TO KEEP PEOPLE DEPENDENT ON YOU

JUDGMENT

To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

TRANSGRESSION OF THE LAW

Sometime in the Middle Ages, a mercenary soldier (a condottiere), whose name has not been recorded, saved the town of Siena from a foreign aggressor. How could the good citizens of Siena reward him? No amount of money or honor could possibly compare in value to the preservation of a city’s liberty. The citizens thought of making the mercenary the lord of the city, but even that, they decided, wasn’t recompense enough. At last one of them stood before the assembly called to debate this matter and said, “Let us kill him and then worship him as our patron saint.” And so they did.

The Count of Carmagnola was one of the bravest and most successful of all the condottieri. In 1442, late in his life, he was in the employ of the city of Venice, which was in the midst of a long war with Florence. The count was suddenly recalled to Venice. A favorite of the people, he was received there with all kinds of honor and splendor. That evening he was to dine with the doge himself, in the doge’s palace. On the way into the palace, however, he noticed that the guard was leading him in a different direction from usual. Crossing the famous Bridge of Sighs, he suddenly realized where they were taking him—to the dungeon. He was convicted on a trumped-up charge and the next day in the Piazza San Marco, before a horrified crowd who could not understand how his fate had changed so drastically, he was beheaded.

THE TWO HORSES

Two horses were carrying two loads. The front Horse went well, but the rear Horse was lazy. The men began to pile the rear Horse’s load on the front Horse; when they had transferred it all, the rear Horse found it easy going, and he said to the front Horse: “Toil and sraeat! The more you try, the more you have to suffer.” When they reached the tavern, the owner said; “Why should I fodder two horses when I carry all on one? I had better give the one all the food it wants, and cut the throat of the other; at least I shall have the hide.” And so he did.

FABLES. LEO TOLSIOY, 1828-1910

Interpretation

Many of the great condottieri of Renaissance Italy suffered the same fate as the patron saint of Siena and the Count of Carmagnola: They won battle after battle for their employers only to find themselves banished, imprisoned, or executed. The problem was not ingratitude; it was that there were so many other condottieri as able and valiant as they were. They were replaceable. Nothing was lost by killing them. Meanwhile, the older among them had grown powerful themselves, and wanted more and more money for their services. How much better, then, to do away with them and hire a younger, cheaper mercenary. That was the fate of the Count of Carmagnola, who had started to act impudently and independently. He had taken his power for granted without making sure that he was truly indispensable.

Such is the fate (to a less violent degree, one hopes) of those who do not make others dependent on them. Sooner or later someone comes along who can do the job as well as they can—someone younger, fresher, less expensive, less threatening.

Be the only one who can do what you do, and make the fate of those who hire you so entwined with yours that they cannot possibly get rid of you. Otherwise you will someday be forced to cross your own Bridge of Sighs.

OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

When Otto von Bismarck became a deputy in the Prussian parliament in 1847, he was thirty-two years old and without an ally or friend. Looking around him, he decided that the side to ally himself with was not the parliament’s liberals or conservatives, not any particular minister, and certainly not the people. It was with the king, Frederick William IV. This was an odd choice to say the least, for Frederick was at a low point of his power. A weak, indecisive man, he consistently gave in to the liberals in parliament; in fact he was spineless, and stood for much that Bismarck disliked, personally and politically. Yet Bismarck courted Frederick night and day. When other deputies attacked the king for his many inept moves, only Bismarck stood by him.

THE CAT THAT WALKED BY HIMSELF

Then the Woman laughed and set the Cat a bowl of the warm white milk and said, “O Cat, you are as clever as a man, but remember that your bargain was not made with the Man or the Dog, and I do not know what they will do when they come home.” “What is that to me?” said the Cat. “If I have my place in the Cave by the fire and my warm white milk three times a day, I do not care what the Man or the Dog can do.” ... And from that day to this, Best Beloved, three proper Men out of five will always throw things at a Cat whenever they meet him, and all proper Dogs will chase him up a tree. But the Cat keeps his side of the bargain too. He will kill mice, and he will be kind to Babies when he is in the house, just as long as they do not pull his tail too hard. But when he has done that, and between times, and when the moon gets up and the night comes, he is the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. Then he goes out to the Wet Wild Woods or up the Wet Wild Trees or on the Wet Wild Roofs, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone.

JUST SO STORIES, RUDYARD KIPLING, 1865-1936

Finally, it all paid off: In 1851 Bismarck was made a minister in the king’s cabinet. Now he went to work. Time and again he forced the king’s hand, getting him to build up the military, to stand up to the liberals, to do exactly as Bismarck wished. He worked on Frederick’s insecurity about his manliness, challenging him to be firm and to rule with pride. And he slowly restored the king’s powers until the monarchy was once again the most powerful force in Prussia.

When Frederick died, in 1861, his brother William assumed the throne. William disliked Bismarck intensely and had no intention of keeping him around. But he also inherited the same situation his brother had: enemies galore, who wanted to nibble his power away. He actually considered abdicating, feeling he lacked the strength to deal with this dangerous and precarious position. But Bismarck insinuated himself once again. He stood by the new king, gave him strength, and urged him into firm and decisive action. The king grew dependent on Bismarck’s strong-arm tactics to keep his enemies at bay, and despite his antipathy toward the man, he soon made him his prime minister. The two quarreled often over policy—Bismarck was much more conservative—but the king understood his own dependency. Whenever the prime minister threatened to resign, the king gave in to him, time after time. It was in fact Bismarck who set state policy.

Years later, Bismarck’s actions as Prussia’s prime minister led the various German states to be united into one country. Now Bismarck finagled the king into letting himself be crowned emperor of Germany. Yet it was really Bismarck who had reached the heights of power. As right-hand man to the emperor, and as imperial chancellor and knighted prince, he pulled all the levers.

Interpretation

Most young and ambitious politicians looking out on the political landscape of 1840s Germany would have tried to build a power base among those with the most power. Bismarck saw different. Joining forces with the powerful can be foolish: They will swallow you up, just as the doge of Venice swallowed up the Count of Carmagnola. No one will come to depend on you if they are already strong. If you are ambitious, it is much wiser to seek out weak rulers or masters with whom you can create a relationship of dependency. You become their strength, their intelligence, their spine. What power you hold! If they got rid of you the whole edifice would collapse.

Necessity rules the world. People rarely act unless compelled to. If you create no need for yourself, then you will be done away with at first opportunity. If, on the other hand, you understand the Laws of Power and make others depend on you for their welfare, if you can counteract their weakness with your own “iron and blood,” in Bismarck’s phrase, then you will survive your masters as Bismarck did. You will have all the benefits of power without the thorns that come from being a master.

Thus a wise prince will think of ways to keep his citizens of every sort and under every circumstance dependent on the state and on him; and then they will always be trustworthy. Niccolo Machiavelli, 1469-1527

THE ELM TREE AND THE VINE

An extravagant young Vine, vainly ambitious of independence, and fond of rambling at large, despised the alliance of a stalely elm that grew near, and courted her embraces. Having risen to some small height without any kind of support, she shot forth her flimsy branches to a very uncommon and superfluous length; calling on her neighbour to take notice how little she wanted his assistance. “Poor infatuated shrub,” replied the elm, “how inconsistent is thy conduct! Wouldst thou be truly independent, thou shouldst carefully apply those juices to the enlargement of thy stem. which thou lavishest in vain upon unnecessary foliage. I shortly shall behold thee groveling on the ground; yet countenanced, indeed, by many of the human race, who, intoxicated with vanity, have despised economy; and who, to support for a moment their empty boast of independence, have exhausted the very source of it in frivolous expenses.”

FABLES, ROBERT DODSLFY, 1703-1764

KEYS TO POWER

The ultimate power is the power to get people to do as you wish. When you can do this without having to force people or hurt them, when they willingly grant you what you desire, then your power is untouchable. The best way to achieve this position is to create a relationship of dependence. The master requires your services; he is weak, or unable to function without you; you have enmeshed yourself in his work so deeply that doing away with you would bring him great difficulty, or at least would mean valuable time lost in training another to replace you. Once such a relationship is established you have the upper hand, the leverage to make the master do as you wish. It is the classic case of the man behind the throne, the servant of the king who actually controls the king. Bismarck did not have to bully either Frederick or William into doing his bidding. He simply made it clear that unless he got what he wanted he would walk away, leaving the king to twist in the wind. Both kings soon danced to Bismarck’s tune.

Do not be one of the many who mistakenly believe that the ultimate form of power is independence. Power involves a relationship between people; you will always need others as allies, pawns, or even as weak masters who serve as your front. The completely independent man would live in a cabin in the woods—he would have the freedom to come and go as he pleased, but he would have no power. The best you can hope for is that others will grow so dependent on you that you enjoy a kind of reverse independence: Their need for you frees you.

Louis XI (1423-1483), the great Spider King of France, had a weakness for astrology. He kept a court astrologer whom he admired, until one day the man predicted that a lady of the court would die within eight days. When the prophecy came true, Louis was terrified, thinking that either the man had murdered the woman to prove his accuracy or that he was so versed in his science that his powers threatened Louis himself. In either case he had to be killed.

One evening Louis summoned the astrologer to his room, high in the castle. Before the man arrived, the king told his servants that when he gave the signal they were to pick the astrologer up, carry him to the window, and hurl him to the ground, hundreds of feet below.

The astrologer soon arrived, but before giving the signal, Louis decided to ask him one last question: “You claim to understand astrology and to know the fate of others, so tell me what your fate will be and how long you have to live.”

“I shall die just three days before Your Majesty,” the astrologer replied. The king’s signal was never given. The man’s life was spared. The Spider King not only protected his astrologer for as long as he was alive, he lavished him with gifts and had him tended by the finest court doctors.

The astrologer survived Louis by several years, disproving his power of prophecy but proving his mastery of power.

This is the model: Make others dependent on you. To get rid of you might spell disaster, even death, and your master dares not tempt fate by finding out. There are many ways to obtain such a position. Foremost among them is to possess a talent and creative skill that simply cannot be replaced.

During the Renaissance, the major obstacle to a painter’s success was finding the right patron. Michelangelo did this better than anyone else: His patron was Pope Julius II. But he and the pope quarreled over the building of the pope’s marble tomb, and Michelangelo left Rome in disgust. To the amazement of those in the pope’s circle, not only did the pope not fire him, he sought him out and in his own haughty way begged the artist to stay. Michelangelo, he knew, could find another patron, but he could never find another Michelangelo.

You do not have to have the talent of a Michelangelo; you do have to have a skill that sets you apart from the crowd. You should create a situation in which you can always latch on to another master or patron but your master cannot easily ,find another servant with your particular talent. And if, in reality, you are not actually indispensable, you must find a way to make it look as if you are. Having the appearance of specialized knowledge and skill gives you leeway in your ability to deceive those above you into thinking they cannot do without you. Real dependence on your master’s part, however, leaves him more vulnerable to you than the faked variety, and it is always within your power to make your skill indispensable.

This is what is meant by the intertwining of fates: Like creeping ivy, you have wrapped yourself around the source of power, so that it would cause great trauma to cut you away. And you do not necessarily have to entwine yourself around the master; another person will do, as long as he or she too is indispensable in the chain.

One day Harry Cohn, president of Columbia Pictures, was visited in his office by a gloomy group of his executives. It was 1951, when the witch-hunt against Communists in Hollywood, carried on by the U.S. Congress’s House Un-American Activities Committee, was at its height. The executives had bad news: One of their employees, the screenwriter John Howard Lawson, had been singled out as a Communist. They had to get rid of him right away or suffer the wrath of the committee.

Harry Cohn was no bleeding-heart liberal; in fact, he had always been a die-hard Republican.

His favorite politician was Benito Mussolini, whom he had once visited, and whose framed photo hung on his wall. If there was someone he hated Cohn would call him a “Communist bastard.” But to the executives’ amazement Cohn told them he would not fire Lawson. He did not keep the screenwriter on because he was a good writer—there were many good writers in Hollywood. He kept him because of a chain of dependence: Lawson was Humphrey Bogart’s writer and Bogart was Columbia’s star. If Cohn messed with Lawson he would ruin an immensely profitable relationship. That was worth more than the terrible publicity brought to him by his defiance of the committee.

Henry Kissinger managed to survive the many bloodlettings that went on in the Nixon White House not because he was the best diplomat Nixon could find—there were other fine negotiators—and not because the two men got along so well: They did not. Nor did they share their beliefs and politics. Kissinger survived because he entrenched himself in so many areas of the political structure that to do away with him would lead to chaos. Michelangelo’s power was intensive, depending on one skill, his ability as an artist; Kissinger’s was extensive. He got himself involved in so many aspects and departments of the administration that his involvement became a card in his hand. It also made him many allies. If you can arrange such a position for yourself, getting rid of you becomes dangerous—all sorts of interdependencies will unravel. Still, the intensive form of power provides more freedom than the extensive, because those who have it depend on no particular master, or particular position of power, for their security.

To make others dependent on you, one route to take is the secret-intelligence tactic. By knowing other people’s secrets, by holding information that they wouldn’t want broadcast, you seal your fate with theirs. You are untouchable. Ministers of secret police have held this position throughout the ages: They can make or break a king, or, as in the case of J. Edgar Hoover, a president. But the role is so full of insecurities and paranoia that the power it provides almost cancels itself out. You cannot rest at ease, and what good is power if it brings you no peace?

One last warning: Do not imagine that your master’s dependence on you will make him love you. In fact, he may resent and fear you. But, as Machiavelli said, it is better to be feared than loved. Fear you can control; love, never. Depending on an emotion as subtle and changeable as love or friendship will only make you insecure. Better to have others depend on you out of fear of the consequences of losing you than out of love of your company.

Image: Vines with Many Thorns. Below, the roots grow deep and wide. Above, the vines push through bushes, entwine themselves around trees and poles and window ledges. To get rid of them would cost such toil and blood, it is easier to let them climb.

Authority: Make people depend on you. More is to be gained from such dependence than courtesy. He who has slaked his thirst, immediately turns his back on the well, no longer needing it. When dependence disappears, so does civility and decency, and then respect. The first lesson which experience should teach you is to keep hope alive but never satisfied, keeping even a royal patron ever in need of you. (Baltasar Gracián, 1601-1658)

REVERSAL

The weakness of making others depend on you is that you are in some measure dependent on them. But trying to move beyond that point means getting rid of those above you—it means standing alone, depending on no one. Such is the monopolistic drive of a J. P. Morgan or a John D. Rockefeller—to drive out all competition, to be in complete control. If you can corner the market, so much the better.

No such independence comes without a price. You are forced to isolate yourself. Monopolies often turn inward and destroy themselves from the internal pressure. They also stir up powerful resentment, making their enemies bond together to fight them. The drive for complete control is often ruinous and fruitless. Interdependence remains the law, independence a rare and often fatal exception. Better to place yourself in a position of mutual dependence, then, and to follow this critical law rather than look for its reversal. You will not have the unbearable pressure of being on top, and the master above you will in essence be your slave, for he will depend on you.

[theseaeaglelives]

MAD MONDAY EDITION

THE SEA EAGLE

MAKING RUGBY LEAGUE GREAT AGAIN!!!

MAD MONDAY – SPECIAL EDITION

Despite the best efforts of the NRL Integrity Dept, leftie do-gooders, social media gibberers and most Fox Sports Rugby League denigrators, the Director of Controversy has triumphed again delivering yet another Mad Monday scandal.

Not surprisingly, again it is the Dogs leading the way with their well-documented booze fest and naked orgy during the club's end-of-season function at the Harbour View Hotel in the Rocks. Shock horror, one player was even photographed vomiting in the street.

The Dogs have plenty of form when it comes to Mad Monday (and other off-field atrocities).

In 2012 coincidentally when headed up by Todd Greenberg, the Dogs were fined $30,000 after players behaved inappropriately in the presence of female media on the Monday after the club's 14-4 grand final loss to Melbourne making comments to the effect of "There are some ladies here to stick their heads in your pants”, “S . . k me off, you dumb dog” and “I want to go and punch you in the face”.

And in 2004 who could forget the season bonding session in Coffs Harbour where there was a very fine line between a gang-bang and a gang rape!

As a consequence of this current scandal, NSW Police have charged 2 Dogs players with willful and obscene exposure and another has been fined for offensive conduct.

Not surprisingly and bowing to the avalanche of pressure exerted by the aforementioned leftie do-gooders, social media gibberers and Fox Sports Rugby League denigrators, the NRL has come down on the Dogs like a ton of bricks issuing the club with a breach notice imposing a $250,000 fine. In handing down the fine NRL  CEO Greenberg indicated that the punishment was influenced by the fact the club organised the event, senior club officials were present, and the players' actions took place in view of the general public.

Add to this and again bowing to the avalanche of pressure exerted by the aforementioned leftie do-gooders, social media gibberers, Fox Sports Rugby League denigrators, and the NRL, Dogs Management have dished out fines totaling $70K to a number of the players involved.

As far as the Sea Eagle is concerned there is very little to criticize in terms of the behavior of Dogs players in this instance. Let’s face it, these are NRL players and such behavior should be expected. Where the Dogs failed here was that there should have been an industrial strength crowd control fence erected around the Harbour View Hotel with warning signs to the effect of “NRL Mad Monday Event – Enter at Own Risk” or simply in this case “Beware of Dogs”.

In terms of previous Mad Monday atrocities this “incident” is a fairly lame offering. At this juncture it is fitting to recall some of the more creative and controversial Mad Monday efforts from recent year years including examples of some of the Director of Controversy’s finest work.

Sharks - 2014

Prior to winning a premiership in 2016, Mad Monday was all Sharks players had to look forward to at season end. The above photo barely touches the surface of the true nature of what Mad Monday really is as Sharks players were photographed in the company of a topless female waitress. This led to both outrage and public condemnation of the Sharks and threats by leftie do-gooders, social media gibberers, Fox Sports Rugby League denigrators, and the NRL to ban the Mad Monday concept.

Jason Taylor

A drunken Taylor was out partying with his players when he was alleged to have playfully punched back rower David Fa'alogoin the stomach. This prompted the New Zealand forward to retaliate wherein he king hit Taylor virtually rendering him unconscious. Taylor was subsequently sacked from his position. The moral to this story is that coaches should never be invited to Mad Monday (perhaps Dean Pay should have taken note).

Robert Lui

When your Mad Monday celebrations start on Saturday, things are unlikely to end well.

The West Tigers’ post-season was thrown into turmoil in 2011 when halfback Robert Lui was charged with assaulting his pregnant girlfriend.

Lui was stood down from the Tigers, however the charges were eventually dropped.

And Mad Monday atrocities are not just confined to the NRL with the AFL having their fare share over the years.

Brendan Fevola

For those unaware of the exploits of Brendan Fevola, he is to the AFL what Todd Carney is to rugby league. Brendan’s exploits at Mad Monday (and for that matter any event involving the consumption of alcohol) are the stuff of legend.

In 2008 Fevola was on a boozy outing with his teammates on Monday when he was spotted in Fed Square about 5pm wearing a pink nightie with the sex toy strapped around his waist. “Fev had a foot-long dildo hanging out of his pink muu-muu in full public view outside the bar,” said a witness who asked not to be named. “I saw him hit a couple of girls on the head with it. It was a bit off-putting”

Jason Akermanis

Jason Akermanis was a sore and sorry man after a Mad Monday blowout meant he was too drunk to attend the Brownlow Medal count.

But not nearly as sore and sorry as he probably was the next morning when his wife - who was supposed to attend the Brownlow with him, had planned her outfit for weeks and had driven to pick him up from the Yarraville watering hole where he’d written himself off - was done with him.“I had planned to go (to the Brownlow), and I had a really good plan in place to get there. But it’s fair to say I miscalculated a few things, and as such didn’t execute the plan all that well.”

St Kilda

The Saints added to the long list of Mad Monday indiscretions when a player allegedly set a dwarf alight during the club’s revelry. 

The situation was exacerbated when then, AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou laughed uncontrollably when told of the incident during an appearance on Channel 7 panel show Talking Footy. Check out this link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwzEMjIdrwU

And finally, the mother of all Mad Monday atrocities.

Joel Monaghan

Poor old Joel failed to follow the 2 key Mad Monday no no’s.

Mad Monday Rule No.1: Do not engage in lewd sex acts with a dog.

Mad Monday Rule No.2: If you simply must break Rule No.1, ensure no one photographs it.

Former Canberra Raiders player Joel Monaghan helped re-write the textbook on what not to do on Mad Monday when he was photographed in an extremely compromising position with a Golden Labrador Retriever during his team’s post-season celebrations in 2010.

The alcohol-fueled stunt quickly made its way onto social media, the RSPCA and animal activists got involved and Monaghan left the club, fled the country never to play in the NRL again. 

 SEA EAGLE SUMMARY

Who doesn’t love Mad Monday.

What’s more, why is Mad Monday confined just to NRL and AFL players.

We have a well-documented Bank Holiday in August. The Butchers picnic, and various other industrial relations type Mondays off.

The Sea Eagle call on governments of all persuasions in Australia, to simply make Mad Monday the first Monday in September, and each and every fun loving Australian should be let loose to get well and truly on it, and let off steam.

As the man on the fat, aka Sam Kekovich eloquently put it, you know it makes sense.

As for the Dogs 2018 Mad Monday debacle, what an absolute beat up.

No dogs were sexually assaulted. No women were attacked. No violence was perpetrated on anyone. All we got was a few nude NRL players and some vomiting.

You can see nudity of all sorts of descriptions on the internet for free. So how is it that what these blokes did, was in any way lewd? Stupid yes. Unnecessary maybe. But lewd, or willfully obscene???  What is obscene is how much the NRL has spent on head office costs over the years, adding nil value to the game.

And drunks have been vomiting publicly since Jesus was a young bloke playing 5/8 for the Jerusalem Jets. No surprises there.

Then we had the so called sponsorship cancellation by Jay Car Electronics, the Dogs sponsor. Frankly, if an NRL club sponsor is going to be as spineless as that, over an incident as meaningless as this, the Sea Eagle calls on all rugby league fans to boycott this half strength latte sipping organisation, FOR LIFE.

The Sea Eagle stands ready to run the NRL if asked. Frankly those running the game take themselves and the game far too seriously. This is rugby league. The NRL is a simple game played in the main by simpletons. People don’t follow rugby league because of its clean fun loving nature. They follow it because they know deep down, there is no way they could do what these NRL blokes get asked to do for 26 rounds plus finals and rep games.

It is its simplicity, brutality and unpredictably of those involved that is at its very essence. Player misbehavior is part of the package and should be embraced. The best way to deal with player misbehavior is trot out the line, “the NRL integrity unit is investigating”. Then wait a few days where it will be forgotten anyway, as the news cycle moves on to its next beat up. Or as the US President Donald Trump puts it, fake news.

If given said role of CEO of the NRL, then when questioned about this week’s events, the Sea Eagle’s answer would have been simply this: Is this not front and back page news on the Telegraph and other leading news outlets? Isn’t rugby league yet again at the forefront of conversation? Are you not entertained (to quote Souths owner Russell Crowe in the Gladiator)? As far as we are concerned -Assignment Completed.

Sure such a response would generate social media outrage and even more controversy. That’s is the very point. QED.

As Mike Myers said in Wayne’s World- A sphincter says what? When the answer comes back what ?, the reply is “exactly”.

THE SEA EAGLE