#Andy Plimsoll

[theauthorpaula]

Childhood Nostalgia

[one-boring-person]

Characters List (April, 2025)

A/N: for now, I'm open to writing smut for any/all of them, and I'm happy to do any pairings (be that x reader of any gender, or ships) but do message me privately to check if you'd like! 😁I'll ofc also write non-smut stuff, as long as it adheres to my request rules :)

League of Gentlemen:

Joseph Lisgoe

Ross Gaines

Judee Levinson

Stella Hull

Charlie Hull

Ollie Plimsolls

Benjamin Denton

Matthew Parker

Dr Fish

Inside No. 9:

Mr Warren (the trial of Elizabeth Gadge)

Ray (a quiet night in)

Tom (Tom and Gerri)

Hector (the harrowing)

Maxwell (la couchette)

Andy (cold comfort)

George (cold comfort)

Archie (the bill)

Malcolm (the bill)

Nick (tempting fate)

Viktor (once removed)

SPC Varney (the stakeout)

Urban Bedford (How Do You Plead)

Laurence (merrily, merrily)

Edward Blackwood (mothers ruin)

Chas (The Last Weekend)

Miscellaneous

Furfur (Good Omens)

Andrew Powell (The Devil/Ghost of Winterborne)

Mr Jelly (Psychoville)

Jeremy Goode (Psychoville)

Zach (In The Earth)

John Woolf (See How They Run)

Sean Stone (Chasing Shadows)

Whitehead (A Field in England)

Dr Flynn (TLC)

Gregory Brewster (Him Indoors)

[therandombanjo]

Songs From 2019 (one per artist)

Another mixed bag of stuff i either enjoyed a lot, thought was excellent or interesting (regardless of taste… sort of), emerging artists to maybe look out for, and generally music that for whatever reason connected with me in some way, including the odd earworm i just couldn’t shake. Some artists are left off just to vary a little more from some other popular lists. Hope you enjoy some of this too and find something new to be taken by. Please do buy their music if you can and hopefully from a local independent record store if possible to support their work. There’s a spotify playlist (below) for easier listening but I’ve also posted a few links to extra things on some of them if you want to check them out.  Spotify:

(As ever…. as i don’t tumblr or blog or anything (besides this list), this won’t be seen by many (if any?) people so if you like it or think it’s of any worth in any way, please do share this along)

In Alphabetical order:

A.A. Bondy - Killers 3 Abdallah Oumbadougou - Thingalene Alasdair Roberts - Common Clay Alex Rex - Latest Regret Andy Shauf - Try Again Angel Bat Dawid - We Are Starzz Angel Olsen - All Mirrors        bonus. her collab with Mark Ronson “True Blue” Anne Müller - Solo? Repeat! Antoinette Konan - Kokoloko Tani Arthur Russell - Words Of Love Asmâa Hamzaoui and Bnat Timbouktou - Sandia Baby Rose - All To Myself BCI - Grateful Bedouine - When You’re Gone Benny The Butcher - Crowns For Kings      ft. Black Thought Ben Walker - Afon Better Oblivion Community Center - Chesapeake Beverly Glenn-Copeland - A Little Talk     (from a reissue of her 2004 record Primal Prayer) Bibio - Curls The Big Moon - It’s Easy Then Big Thief - a. Not    b. Cattails    (from 2 excellent albums released in the same year: “U.F.O.F” and “Two Hands”) Bill Callahan - a. What Comes After Certainty    b. The Ballad Of The Hulk Bill Fay - Filled With Wonder Once Again Bill Orcutt - Odds Against Tomorrow billy woods - a. Spongebob w/ Kenny Segal     b. Western Education Is Forbidden    ft. Fielded        (From 2 excellent records this year: “Hiding Places” with Kenny Segal, and “Terror Management”) Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Blu & Oh No - The Lost Angels Anthem    ft. Kezia Bon Iver - Hey, Ma Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Beast For Thee Bonny Light Horseman - Bonny Light Horseman      (”supergroup” of the great Anaïs Mitchell, Eric D Johnson & Josh Kaufman) Brent Cobb & Jade Bird - Feet Off The Ground Brighde Chaimbeul -  O Chiadain an Lo Brigyn - Oer Brittany Howard - Stay High    (the video for this, with Terry Crews, is a delight) Bruce Hornsby - Voyager One    ft. yMusic Burd Ellen - Sweet Lemany Caoimhín Ó Raghallaigh and Thomas Bartlett - Kestrel Caribou - You and I Caroline Polachek - Door Cate Le Bon - Daylight Matters Caterina Barbieri - Arrows Of Time Clairo - Bags Cochemea - Mitote comfort - Not Passing The Cool Greenhouse - Cardboard Man    (a pretty hilarious song about David Cameron) CRAC - You Can’t Turn Your Back On Me    (Unreleased old track from ‘76) Cross Record - PYSOL My Castle CZ Wang and Neo Image - Just Off Wave Damon Locks / Black Monument Ensemble - a. Rebuild a Nation   b. Power Daniel Norgren - The Flow Danny Brown - Dirty Laundry Daphni - Sizzling    ft. Paradise Daughter Of Swords - Fellows      (Mountain Man member Alexandra Sauser-Monnig’s 1st solo record) Dave - Psycho David Kilgour - Smoke You Right Out Of Here David Thomas Broughton - Ambiguity     (from the 15th anniversary reissue of his remarkable debut album, The Complete Guide To Insufficiency) Denzel Curry - RICKY Destroyer - Crimson Tide Dry Cleaning - Dog Proposal Dubi Dolczek - Do The Gloop Durand Jones & The Indications - Long Way Home Ela Orleans - The Season      (From 2012 but on a career retrospective, Movies For Ears, put out this year) Elkhorn - Song Of The Son Emile Mosseri - a. The Last Black Man In San Francisco b. San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)    ft. Mike Marshall         (both from the wonderful score for the wonderful film The Last Black Man In San Francisco, the latter a cover of an old song sung here by the guy who sang “I Got 5 On It”!!) Erland Cooper - Haar Ernest Hood - Saturday Morning Doze        (from a re-issue of his “self-released proto-ambient masterpiece” in ‘75) Fat White Family - Feet Faye Webster - Room Temperature Fennesz - In My Room Fernando Falcão -  As 7 Filhas Da Rainha Sumaia     (reissue from ‘87) FKA twigs - cellophane Florist - Shadow Bloom Flowdan - Welcome To London Fontaines D.C. - Roy’s Tune Four Tet / KH - Only Human French Vanilla - All The Time Gang Starr - Family and Loyalty   ft. J. Cole Georgia - About Work The Dancefloor Girl Band - Shoulderblades The Good Ones - Will You Be My Protector?   (of Rwanda) Grand Veymont - Les Rapides Bleus       (of France) Gyedu-Blay Ambolley - Sunkwa     (of Ghana) Hailaker - Not Much HAIM - Summer GIrl Hana Vu - Actress Hand Habits - placeholder Hannah Cohen - Get In Line The Harlem Gospel Travellers - If You Can’t Make It Through A Storm Hayden Thorpe - Diviner     (Former Wild Beasts frontman’s debut solo record) Helado Negro - Running The Highwomen - Redesigning Women Hiss Golden Messenger - I Need A Teacher Holly Herndon - Frontier Homeboy Sandman - Far Out Hoops - They Say Hotel Neon & Blurstem - Language Of Loss House and Land - Rainbow ‘Mid Life’s Willows Ibibio Sound Machine - Wanna Come Down IDER - Saddest Generation The Innocence Mission - On Your Side International Teachers Of Pop - I Stole Yer Plimsoles    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) Jacken Elswyth - The Banks Of Green Williow Jaimie Branch - nuevo roquero estéreo Jake Xerxes Fussell - The River St. Johns Jamila Woods - ZORA Jayda G - Leave Room 2 Breathe Jenny Hval - Ashes To Ashes       Jenny Lewis - Red Bull and Hennessy Jesca Hoop - Outside of Eden     ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) and Jesca’s 12 year-old nephew Justis. This live performance is so sweet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPmE_hU7Ss Jessica Pratt - As The World Turns Joanna Sternberg - This Is Not Who I Want To Be Joan Shelley - Cycle John Blek - North Star Lady Jordan Rakei - Say Something        bonus. under his DJ pseudonym: Dan Kye - Focus Jo Schornikow - Incomplete Joseph Shabason - West of Heaven Julianna Barwick - evening Junius Paul - Baker’s Dozen Kali Malone - Spectacle Of Ritual Kate Teague - Sweetheart Kate Tempest - a. Firesmoke    b. People’s Faces Kelly Moran - Halogen (Una Corda)       (from a record full of all the bare piano parts she played for her prior record before all the editing and processing) Kim Gordon - Air BnB Kindness - Hard To Believe     ft. Jazmine Sullivan KOKOKO! - Buka Dansa     (Congolese collective upcycling discarded materials to make their instruments) Konradsen - Baby Hallelujah     (of Norway) Lambchop - Everything For You Laura Cannell - a. Sing As The Crow Flies     b. Flaxen Fields Laura Stevenson - Lay Back, Arms Out Le Groupe Obscur -  Planète Ténèbres Leonard Cohen - Happens To The Heart Leo Svirsky - River Without Banks Little Simz - 101 FM Lizzo - Tempo   ft. Missy Elliot Loren Conors & Daniel Carter - Departing Lou Roy - Bite Low Chord - Walkk Lower Dens - Galapagos Mahalia - What You Did    ft. Ella Mai Majja - Black James Dean Maria Somerville - This Way Maria Usbeck - Amor Anciano Mary Halvorson & John Dieterich - Vega’s Array      (Mary the recipient of the MacArthur “Genius” Grant this year, because she is) Mary Lattimore & Mac McCaughan - IV Matana Roberts - As Far As The Eye Can See Meitei - Ike Melanie Charles - Trill Suite, No. 1 (Daydreaming/Skylark) The Menzingers - Anna Messiahs Of Glory - No Other Love      (from a collection of rare black gospel from the Midwest between ‘65-’78 put out on Tompkins Square) Mica Levi - a. Hosting     b. Lobo y Lady (from the excellent Colombian film Monos) Michael Abels - a. I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix)    b. Pas De Deux (both from the terrific score to the excellent Jordan Peele film, Us) Michael Kiwanuka - Living In Denial Michael Nau - Poor Condition Mike Adams At His Honest Weight - Wonderful To Love Minor Pieces - Rothko      (duo of Ian William Craig & newcomer Missy Donaldson) Modern Nature - Footsteps Molly Sarlé - Twisted      (Mountain Man member’s 1st solo record) Moodymann - I’ll Provide Moon Duo - Stars Are The Light Moor Mother - After Images Moses Boyd - Stranger Than Fiction Moses Sumney - Polly Mount Eerie & Julie Doiron - Love Without Possession MSYLMA - Inqirad (Rihab-U Dhakir)     (Saudi Arabia) The Murder Capital - Don’t Cling To Life Nardeydey - Freefalling The National - Rylan   ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) The New Pornographers - Falling Down The Stairs Of Your Smile Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - a. Waiting For You   b. Bright Horses   c. Night Raid Nivhek - After Its Own Death: Side A    (Liz Harris of Grouper) Noname - Song 32 Octo Octa - Move Your Body ODD OKODDO - Auma      (Kenyan/German duo) Øyvind Torvund - Starry Night      (Norwegian composer) Pet Shop Boys - Burning The Heather Petter Eldh - Fanfarum for Komarum II Porridge Radio - Give/Take PREGOBLIN - Combustion Purple Mountains - a. Snow Is Falling In Manhattan    b. All My Happiness Is Gone   c. That’s Just The Way That I Feel Quelle Chris - Obamacare Quinie - Whas At The Windy Rapsody - Ibtihaj   ft. D’Angelo & GZA Reb Fountain - Faster Rian Treanor - ATAXIA_A1 Richard Dawson - Two Halves Robert Stillman - All Are Welcome Róisín Murphy - Incapable Rosalía - Milionària Rosenau & Sanborn - Saturday Rozi Plain - Symmetrical Ruth Garbus - Strash Sam Lee - The Moon Shines Bright   ft. Elizabeth Fraser (of Cocteau Twins) Sam Wilkes - Run Sandro Perri - Soft Landing SAULT - Smile and Go Seabuckthorn - To Which The Rest Were Dreamt serpentwithfeet - Receipts    ft. Ty Dolla $ign Sessa - Flor do Real         (of Brazil) Sheer Mag - Hardly To Blame Shit and Shine - No No No No Sinead O Brien - A Thing You Call Joy Siobhan Wilson - Plastic Grave Six Organs Of Admittance - Two Forms Moving Sleaford Mods - Kebab Spider Slow Meadow - Artificial Algorithm Snowy - EFFED    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) SOAK - Knock Me Off My Feet Solange - Binz Sophie Crawford - A Miner’s Life Squid - Houseplants         bonus. Their cover of Robert Wyatt’s  “PIgs..... In There at End of the Road Festival) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DktZtQbo-YU Stella Donnelly - Old Man SUSS - Ursa Major Swamp Dogg - Sleeping Without You Is A Dragg   ft. Justin Vernon & Jenny Lewis Tami T - Birthday  Tenesha The Wordsmith - Why White Folks Can’t Call Me Nigga Theon Cross - Activate     ft. Moses Boyd & Nubya Garcia Thom Yorke - Dawn Chorus Tierra Whack - Wasteland Tim Hecker - That World Tiny Leaves - Respair Toya Delazy - Funani         (of South Africa) Twain - Death (Or S.F.?) Twin Peaks - Dance Through It Tyler Childers - All Your’n Vagabon - Water Me Down Vampire Weekend - This Life Vanishing Twin - Magicians Success Velvet Negroni - Confetti Vendredi Sur Mer - Chewing-Gum      (of France) Victoria Monét - Ass Like That Vieo Abiungo - Cobble Together Visible Cloaks - Stratum      ft. Yoshio Ojima & Satsuki Shibano Warmduscher - Midnight Dipper Weyes Blood - Andromeda Wilco - Love Is Everywhere (Beware) William Tyler - Our Lady Of The Desert Willie Scott & The Birmingham Spirituals - Keep Your Faith To The Sky     (from a collection of obscure 70′s era gospel on Luaka Bop, “The Time For Peace Is Now - Gospel Music About Us”) Xylouris White - Tree Song Ye Vagabonds - The Foggy Dew Zsela - Noise

[school-in-london]

20221126 SCHOOL IN LONDON

■DJ: 遠藤孝行

Junior Parker / Tomorrow Never Knows

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross / (You Made It Feel Like) Home

Radiohead / The Numbers

HYUKOH / New born

Arctic Monkeys / There’d Better Be A Mirrorball

Wings / Let 'Em In

The Backseat Lovers / Growing/Dying

Pixies / All I Think About Now

I Saw You Yesterday / So Slowly

Glows / Pull

Spoon / My Babe

Modest Mouse / Float On

NewDad / ILY2

Yellow Days / Treat You Right

■DJ: タイラダイスケ

The Smile / The Smoke

Video Age / Blushing

坂本慎太郎 / ある日のこと

Khruangbin / Time (You and I)

Los Bitchos / Tripping at a Party

The Slits / Newtown

MICHELLE / TALKING TO MYSELF

The Go! Team / Cookie Scene

Beats International / Echo Chamber (※Spotify無し)

Little Simz / Speed

Remi Wolf / Guerrilla

Dante Elephante / Las Vegas

Easy Life / BEESWAX

Pearl Charles / Only for Tonight

Arlo Parks / Just Go

Travis Bretzer / Promises

Michael Seyer / Weekend at Santa Cruz

FUR / What I Am

Whitney / MEMORY

■DJ: 村田タケル

Cola / Fulton Park

Alvvays / Adult Diversion

Kiwi jr.  / Salary Man

Stella Donnelly / How Was Your Day

Horsegirl / World of Pots and Pans

Double Virgo / No Sweet

Enumclaw / Jimmy Neutron

Launder / Blue Collar

Alvvays / Not My Baby

Dehd / Loner

Veronica Falls / Waiting for Something to Happen

Weird Nightmare / Wrecked (feat. Bully)

Dry Cleaning / Gray Ashby

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart / Young Adult Friction

Courting / Famous

Fontaines D.C. / Liberty Belle (Darklands Versions) (※SpotifyはDogrel version)

Thus Love / Crowd

Alvvays / Pressed

■DJ: 遠藤孝行

EKKSTACY / wish i was dead

YUNGBLUD / Tissues

The Cure / Close to Me

The 1975 / Give Yourself a Try

Diiv / Under the Sun

Sports Team / The Game

Gorillaz Feat. slowthai And Slaves / Momentary Bliss

Bloc Party / Traps

HMLTD / To The Door

Arctic Monkeys / This House Is a Circus

The Lounge Society / People Are Scary

The Coral / Who's Gonna Find Me

Mystery Jets / Greatest Hits

Shame / Fingers of Steel

The Cribs / You Were Always the One

■DJ: タイラダイスケ

The Crash / Lost In the Supermarket

The Jam / It's Too Bad

The Lemon Twigs / The One

Yard Act / The Overload

Mura Masa, Lil Uzi Vert, PinkPantheress & SHYGIRL / bbycakes

The Streets / Same Old Thing

Wu-Lu / Blame

KOFFEE / Lonely (※Spotify無し)

Horace Andy / Away With the Gun and Knife

Massive Attack / Safe From Harm

Primal Scream / Star

Big Thief / Forgotten Eyes

???

Steve Lacy / Bad Habit

Har Mar Superstar / Restless Leg

The Regrettes / I Dare You

Buzzcocks / Everybody's Happy Nowadays

The Smiths / This Charming Man

Nilüfer Yanya / the dealer

The 1975 / Happiness

■DJ: 村田タケル

Iceage / All The Junk On The Outskirts

The Smile / We Don't Know What Tomorrow Brings

The Orielles / The Room

Squid / Pamphlets

Gilla Band / Bin Liner Fashion

Viagra Boys / Ain’t No Thief

Goat Girl / Sad Cowboy

Alvvays / Plimsoll Punks

The Lounge Society / Last Breath

Wet Leg / Chaise Longue (Vinyl Version)

Los Bitchos / I Enjoy It

Folly Group / I Raise You (The Price of Your Head)

Working Men's Club / Rapture

Talk Show / Leather

Gilla Band / Backwash

Crack Cloud / Drab Measure (Live Leak) (※Spotifyは通常音源)

Diiv / Doused

Highschool / New York, Paris and London

Alvvays / Pharmacist

Alvvays / Atop a Cake

~Ending~ Alvvays / Lottery Noises

[sophiaholmes221b]

Sophia Holmes and the Blind Banker

Chapter Eight

Back at Baker Street, I bring John's picture up on my laptop and start cross-sectioning bits off. The other cyphers have all been in pairs - suggesting some kind of standard form to the code - so I do the same with these before printing them off.

Dad notes down the numerical value beside each symbol before handing them to John to pin up on the mirror. I stand a small distance away, trying to make sense of the cyphers that now cover up most of the chimney breast. There has to be some message that needs decoding but, until we know the code they're using, we don't stand a chance.

John sits down at the desk, his head in his hands as he nods off and dad joins my side, closing the book he used to translate the numbers and tossing it aside. "Always in pairs, John," dad muses, jerking John awake.

He blinks and turns around so he's looking at us, squinting against the light. "Hmm?"

"Numbers come with partners."

John ignores him, looking blankly around at the flat instead. "God, I need to sleep," he groans.

I feel wide awake, the adrenaline of steadily getting closer to finding the answer encouraging me onwards.

"Why did he paint it so near the tracks?"

"No idea," John says in reply, barely awake.

"Thousands of people pass by there every day."

"It's a wide audience," I say, "and not everybody who goes past will be able to translate the symbols. We thought it was graffiti at first, so anybody else would just presume that as well. Obviously the smugglers use that line for trading, so they'll be the ones the message is aimed; the only ones able to decode it."

"Of course," dad says in realisation, my comment triggering a new line of thought in his mind. "Of course! He wants information. He's trying to communicate with his people in the underworld. Whatever was stolen, he wants it back." I nod, glad that he gets what I was implying as he runs his finger across the symbols. "Somewhere here in the code."

"I can't see any lettering in there." I think for a moment, then frown. "Perhaps it's a book code." Dad looks to me and I continue. "It would be easy: the smugglers have a book they all use; something easy to pick up wherever they go. The cyphers come in pairs - so do book codes."

Dad nods and pulls three photos off the wall and heads towards the door. "We can't crack this without Soo Lin Yao."

"Oh, good!" John says sarcastically, sleepily getting up to follow.

***

I jump out of the cab as it pulls up to a stop on Trafalgar Square and we head straight for the museum. Andy is there to meet us as we arrive.

"Two men who travelled back from China were murdered, and their killer left them messages in the Hangzhou numerals," dad says, skipping the pleasantries.

"Soo Lin Yao's in danger. Now, that cypher - it was just the same pattern as the others," John continues. "He means to kill her as well."

"Have you even the slightest idea where she is?" I finish.

"Look, I've tried everywhere: um, friends, colleagues," he says, shrugging. "I-I don't know where she's gone. I mean, she could be a thousand miles away."

I walk away in exasperation, then my gaze falls to the teapots inside the glass case display. "Sherlock."

Dad turns, his eyes narrowing as he sees and joins me beside the case.

"What are you looking at?" John questions.

"Tell me more about those teapots," dad demands, pointing at the display.

"Th-the pots were her obsession," Andy begins, stuttering nervously. "Um, they need urgent work. If-if they dry out, then the clay can start to crumble. Apparently, you have to just keep making tea in them."

I nod my head in agreement, recalling the facts on the information sheet yesterday. "Yesterday, only one of those pots was shining," I tell him. "Now there are two."

"But that would mean she'd been here..." John says, his eyebrows furrowing as he turns around, expecting her to pop up from behind a case somewhere.

"And there's nobody else working on them?" I question, turning around to analyse Andy.

"N-no, she was the only one working on this particular project," he tells me. "She was the expert on the Chinese antiques coming in."

I nod, frowning. If one teapot appears on the shelf shiny the following day, then that means she comes here during the night. I look at my watch to check to time and bite my lip, unsure what to do.

"Show me where she worked," I say, straightening, and Andy starts leading us away. "How am I doing?" I ask dad quietly as we walk down the corridor.

"You're asking the right questions," he tells me and I smile with pride. That's as close to a compliment that I'm going to get now. "And you're thinking logically. You're getting better," he concludes, smiling down at me.

As we arrive in the room, Andy flicks the light on, illumination the large space. "Th-this was her desk," he explains, leading us over to one around the middle. "When she wasn't doing the demonstrations, she'd come here."

"So what are we doing now?" John questions as Andy leaves us.

Dad looks around at the desk. "Now, we wait."

***

I watch the clock tick past the hours, then as it approaches midnight, I nudge John's slumped figure "It's time," I say, watching dad slip out the door.

He sits up, and moves over into the corner whilst I stand up, checking around to make sure the coast is clear. We sit in the corner for about a minute, our breathing sounding loud in the empty room.

"Are you sure he knows what he's doing?" John asks me in a whisper.

"Probably not," I tell him, smiling. "He'll do what he always does: wing it and hope for the best."

John nods in the darkness and we fall silent as the shadow of a woman appears at the door, carrying one of the small clay teapots. We hold our breath as she slips inside, setting herself up at her desk. As she pours the tea into the teapot and then picks the lid, carefully stroking around the rim, the outline of a very familiar mass of curls appears at the door.

Unaware of this, Soo Lin continues her restoration of the pot, picking up the teapot pouring some of the hot liquid inside into a pair of cups on her desk as dad slips through the door. As she swishes the tea around to cover the edges of the pot, dad creeps up beside her.

"Fancy a biscuit with that?"

Soo Lin jumps, gasping with fright as she drops the teapot from her trembling fingers. Dad's reactions are quicker than hers and he squats down, catching the teapot before it his the floor.

"Centuries old," he says, looking up at her. "Don't wanna break that. "

He straightens up slowly, making sure not to startle her, and I rise from my hiding place as dad hands back the teapot. He flicks a switch on the desk, turning on the lights and illuminating their faces as John and I walk over.

"Hello," dad says, smiling slightly at her. I join dad's side and John arrives beside me. "Sherlock, by the way, Sherlock Holmes," he introduces himself. "This is my daughter -"

"Sophia Holmes," I say, extending a hand.

"Yes," dad continues, sending me a glare, "and this is my colleague John Watson." I notice he's corrected himself to what he said to Sebastian a few days ago.

"Why are you here?" she asks. "How did you find me?"

"We saw the cypher on the statue in the basement," I tell her. "There are several others dotted around London."

Soo Lin nods as dad pulls up a stool beside her. "You saw the cypher?" she questions. "Then you know he is coming for me."

"You've been clever to avoid him so far," dad praises her gently.

"I had to finish ... to finish this work," she explains, gesturing to the teapots. "It's only a matter of time. I know he will find me."

"Who is he?" dad questions. "Have you met him before?"

"When I was a girl, living back in China," she tells us, nodding. "I recognise his ... 'signature'."

"The cypher," dad puts in.

"Only he would do this," she continues. "Zhi Zhu."

My eyes narrow as I translate.

"Zhi Zhu?" John questions.

"The Spider," I tell him.

Soo Lin leans down, nimbly unlacing her plimsole and slipping it off to reveal a black tattoo of a lotus flower inside a circle on her heel. My eyes narrow even further as I recognise it.

"You know this mark?" she asks dad.

"Yes," dad confirms. "It's the mark of a Tong."

"Hmm?"

"Ancient crime syndicate based in China," dad explains and John nods his head in understanding, turning back to listen to Soo Lin.

"Every foot soldier bears the mark; everyone who hauls for them." I nod, seeing the obvious but unpredictable.

"'Hauls'?" John questions and she looks up at him. His eyes widen.

"Y-you mean you were a smuggler?"

She lowers her gaze in regret and slips her shoe back on to hide the brand which has owned her life. "I was fifteen," she begins. "My parents were dead. I had no livelihood; no way of surviving day to day except to work for the bosses."

"Who are they?" dad asks.

"They are called the Black Lotus," she says. "By the time I was sixteen, I was taking thousands of pounds' worth of drugs across the border into Hong Kong. But I managed to leave that life behind me. I came to England." She smiles slightly as a tear slips down her cheek. "They gave me a job here. Everything was good; a new life."

"Then he came looking for you," dad says, insensitively.

"Yes," she confirms, swallowing before continuing tearfully, "I had hoped after five years maybe they would have forgotten me, but they never really let you leave,"

I nod my understanding. I know how smuggling groups such as The Black Lotus operate: stay, or die - it's the only way they can ensure nobody turns them in.

"A small community like ours �� they are never very far away." She lifts a hand to wipe the tears away. "He came to my flat. He asked me to help him to track down something that was stolen."

"And you've no idea what it was?" John questions, but she shakes her head.

"I refused to help."

"So you knew him well when you were living back in China?" John confirms, leaning forward.

Soo Lin nods sadly. "Oh yes," she looks up at dad, her eyes glittering with the pain. He's my brother." John straightens up in surprise and dad nods thoughtfully. I don't know what to think. "Two orphans," she continues, the tears still slipping down freely. "We had no choice. We could work for the Black Lotus, or starve on the streets like beggars," I nod as she pauses, encouraging her to continue. "My brother has become their puppet, in the power of the one they call Shan – the Black Lotus general. I turned my brother away. He said I had betrayed him. Next day I came to work and the cypher was waiting."

Dad takes the photographs from his jacket pocket and lays them down on the table. "Can you decipher these?" he asks softly.

Soo Lin leans forward, pointing to the number beside Sir William's portrait. "These are numbers."

"Yes, I know," dad says and Soo Lin points to another picture, one taken of a close up of the portrait.

"Here: the line across the man's eyes – it's the Chinese number one."

"And this one is fifteen," dad says, pointing to the first picture to show that we already know the numeral system. "But what's the code?"

"All the smugglers know it," she tells us. "It's based upon a book ..." I smile slightly, but my joy is short-lived as the lights go out around us. Soo Lin looks up in dread as dad stands up, glancing around sharply. "He's here. Zhi Zhu. He has found me."

Dad sprints off across the room as he hears something outside.

"Sh-Sherlock," John calls urgently. "Sherlock, wait!" Dad charges out of the room and John turns to Soo Lin, holding her as first priority as I fumble for my gun. "Come here," he says, holding his hand out and leading us across the room towards a cupboard. "Get in," he orders calmly. "Get in!"

She slips inside but I stay with my back against it, crouched down and pistol cocked. "The book which the smugglers use, what is it called?" I ask her, frantically.

"Sophie-" John begins, disapproving of me bringing this up now. It's unlikely that she'll get out alive. We need information.

"I-it's a book which everyone owns," she begins, her voice shaking as she looks around at the darkness. She swallows and tries to continue, but is silenced by the sound of gunfire.

John and I look up at the sound, then he turns to me. "I have to go and help," he says and I nod. "Stay here, and bolt the door after me."

He hurries off after the sound and Soo Lin's face fills with dread, her entire body paralysed with fear. It's futile to try and get any more information out of her now.

"It's alright," I say stiffly, reaching to tap her back. "I've got a gun." She looks up at me with a look of shock. Did I just suggest shooting her brother? Bit not good. I grimace, turning away. "Look, I'm sorry -

I'm cut off by another gunshot, closer to where we are. I jump up, my fingernails biting into my palms as I tense up. Another gunshot.

"I've got to go..." I say hesitantly, throwing her my pocket knife. She catches it and another tear glimmers down her face. It's either him or her.

I dart through across the room again to the door, my gun held down but ready for when 'The Spider' shows himself. I make my way out into the foyer and up around the stairs to the balcony when I hear more gunshots. My pace quickens as I look behind me, glancing around for any sign of Soo Lin's brother. A shadow flickers for a second in front of me and I dart forward into a display room.

I stop suddenly when I see him, his back currently turned as he stares through a glass case displaying numerous ancient skulls. Through the glass, I can see dad duck back, protecting himself from the gunfire.

"Careful!" dad calls, but the gunman fires again. "Some of those skulls are over two hundred thousand years old! Have a bit of respect!" I shake my head, smirking at how dad seems to hold the preservation of these skulls in higher regard than his own life.

Zhi Zhu stops firing, seeming to sense me. I hold my breath as he turns around, face unmasked, unlike our last encounter. He seems familiar, and I recognise him as Lee - the boy from the skate park.

I hold my stance as he stares at me, then he turns, heading out. Why's he retreating?

"Thank you!" dad calls sarcastically, but then senses that he's gone.

It's very unlikely that he's gone after John, so that must mean he's going...

"Oh my god!" I call softly and dad peaks through the glass of the case.

"Sophie?" dad hisses.

I ignore him and chase after Lee. He was trying to draw us out: now he knows that Soo Lin's alone, he can go after her.

My feet hit the ground in rhythm with my heart, though everything seems to be in slow motion. As I get to the top of the stairs, the door to the restoration room swings shut.

I curse as I take the stairs two at a time. She has a knife and instructions on how to use it, but will she act on them?

Already knowing the answer, I speed up. But it's too late. A single gunshot and a short cry, and then no more.

Highly unlikely that she managed to disarm him, and even more unlikely that she would be able to shoot him - both the moral and physical ability are lacking.

I hold my gun out, as I shoulder barge the door. As I swing into the room, I look around cautiously, checking for the gunman before cursing. I've let him slip through my fingers three times now.

I step into the room, still frantically looking around as I walk until the body of the young woman slumped up against a desk catches my eye. I rush forward, lowering my gun as I draw near and reach her arm for a pulse.

"Soo Lin?" I breathe, feeling her weak pulse. "Can you hear me?" Behind, John creeps into the room and I stand up. "Over here!" John tenses up at the sudden noise. "She's still alive!"

John sprints forward, shrugging off his coat as he reaches me and almost throwing himself onto the floor to listen. I stand there for a moment as he examines her, before drawing up, looking grave.

"Dead," he says as he looks at her body with guilt.

My eyes glance over her body to her hand and notice another origami flower lying in her upturned palm. I take it, looking it over before placing it back in her hand as the door opens again.

Dad turns the light on as he comes in and I walk around, checking for the exit Zhi Zhu must have taken. Finding a window, I race towards it, but he's out of range before I can even raise my gun.

Adrenaline pumping through me, I swing my legs over the side of the window and begin to plan my route down.

"Sophie," dad calls softly, and I turn around to face him. "He's gone."

I shake my head in denial as he helps me back through the window, my hands shaking too much for them to be much use. I've never liked heights.

"It's my fault," I spit out bitterly. "I should have stayed. I thought she would use the knife."

"Knife?" John questions.

"Inside left pocket," I mutter and he pulls it out. "Why are we like this?" I ask dad quietly, just so only he can hear me. "I should have known she wasn't going to use it before I left." My teeth clamp shut as I look to the floor in anger.

"Nobody blames you," dad says gently.

"The police are on their way," John says, lowering his phone, then nods to me. "You okay?"

I nod, more annoyed than upset.

***

It takes the police precisely five minutes and forty-five seconds to arrive with an Ambulance and all the flashing lights that go with them. As the police rush in, I begin to direct them towards the body, but a female clamps some handcuffs on me.

"What are you doing?" Dad demands, storming over to the woman.

She ignores him as she walks in front of me. "Sophia Holmes, I am arresting you on suspicion of murder. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something you later rely on in court, anything you do say may be given in evidence."

"This is ridiculous," dad spits.

"Mr Holmes, the child's guardian?" the woman questions, spinning around.

"Yes, he is," John replies, stepping forward. "What's going on?"

"It's fine, John," I say, then glare back at the woman. "It's just Scotland Yard screwing things up by jumping to conclusions as usual."

"I thought I'd made myself quite clear," the woman says. "She is being arrested on suspicion of murdering Ms Soo Lin Yao." She pulls the gun from my pocket. "Mr Watson mentioned that this young lady was the last to be seen with Ms Yao, and the victim was murdered with a gun. Here's the gun on the lady which was last seen with the victim. Need I say more?"

I stand still throughout this, not restraining or biting back at any of the things she listed because, currently, we are all carrying unlicensed guns. It wouldn't be sensible to take us all off the case while we wait for the ballistics to come through.

John looks around the room in fury as Soo Lin is carted away, whereas dad marches up to the DI. "I don't know what makes you think you can arrest my daughter on the grounds that she 'could have shot the victim'," dad says venomously, standing less than a meter away from her, "or even to presume that she was the one to do it when, according to the video footage on the CCTV cameras and an eyewitness account from me, she was in the upstairs gallery at the time of the murder."

"You can make your statement at the station when we bring you in for questioning," the woman tells him. "Besides, who shot the victim if it wasn't her? One of you?"

"Her brother," I say loudly from behind. "Soo Lin Yao was working for an international smuggling agency before she moved to England. He followed her here, needing her help with the absence of something one of their smugglers took, but when she denied, he threatened to kill her. He's just fulfilled his promise."

"Where was he supposed to go?" The female asks, turning around to look at me. "There's a drop of about twelve meters out of the closest window, and if you lot were supposedly outside, one would have thought you would have caught him. My kids could come up with a better excuse than that." She turns back to the others in the room. "Alright, we're done here," she calls, and a female officer steps forward to take me out.

I turn around slightly in time to see the DI talking to dad before the door shuts behind us and I'm led out of the building and into an awaiting police car.

[independentmusicmonday]

#IndependentMusicMonday has landed! Click below to hear tunes from every corner of the indie-sphere! 🌍

Listen here: smarturl.it/IMMonday

Ghostpoet - Dopamine If I Do Chad VanGaalen - Mind Hijacker's Curse King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard + Mild High Club - Countdown Toulouse - Hurtin Lee Ann Womack - All the Trouble George Glew - Me and My Brother Kacy & Clayton - A Certain Kind of Memory Courtney Marie Andrews - Near You UNKLE + Mink - Stole Enough Gordi - Bitter End Philip Selway - Let Me Go WILDES - Bare (Acoustic) Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions - Sleep Judy Dyble +  Andy Lewis - Treasure Sumie - Leave Me Lisa Mitchell - Stop Julien Baker - Appointments lilly among clouds - Everyone Else You Me At Six - Take on the World (Acoustic in Amsterdam_ Novo Amor + Ed Tullett - Cavalry Lee Ranaldo - Thrown Over the Wall Brand New - Desert J. Roddy Walston & The Business - You Know Me Better Wesley Fuller - Someone To Walk Around With Alvvays - Plimsoll Punks Blaenavon - The Monte Carlo Kid Dream Wife - Fire Wolf Alice - Beautifully Unconventional The Sherlocks - Escapade Kitty, Daisy & Lewis - Black Van Cristobal And The Sea - Steal My Phone Geowulf - Drink Too Much Dent May - Picture on a Screen Conner Youngblood + Nylo - Higher J. Bernardt - Calm Down [The Policy Remix] alt-J - Deadcrush [Ben de Vries Remix] Anna Of The North - Money Sink Ya Teeth - Glass Cowboy Rhythmbox - Tanz Exotique Slam - Like This Vessels - Mobilise Modale - Legacy [Main Mix] Kidnap Kid - Where The Sea Swings In Like An Iron Gate Ben Pearce - Solaris UNKLE + Elliott Power + Mink + Callum Finn - Arms Length Kiasmos - Blurred Shigeto - Detroit Part II Balam Acab - Harpeggios.Wav (25% Slow) Forest Swords - Raw Language (Edit) clipping. - The Deep Braille Face - Run for Your Life KNIGHTSTOWN - Clear Blue Sky James Heather - Empire Sounds#IndependentMusicMonday has landed! Click below to hear tunes from every corner of the indie-sphere! 🌍 Listen here: smarturl.it/IMMonday

[andyangus]

Tuesday 16th March

Quiet day at Café Jamaica, the sun seems to be keeping people out of cafés and in parks. For a long period, we only had one customer, so I had time to chill at the bar with Molasses and flick through the paper. Usually, I’d be pulling my hair out due to boredom, this time, however, I was delighted to loiter so’s to catch the eye of a hot guy, who was munching on a portion of Escovitch Lobster.

Who knew eating dead crustaceans could be so damn sexy?

I took a good ten minutes sizing him up over the top of the horoscopes: mid-thirties, slender, with short, curly blond hair, piercing blue eyes and a tight wee body that I’m pretty sure, judging from what I could see through his clinging tee, is athletic.

Blond’s not my usual type, but maybe it’s time for a change, I thought.

When the guy came to pay, I practically kicked Molasses to the kerb, as I’ve found exchanging change with guys is a good indicator if they are attracted to you or not. I let my fingers linger with more contact than usual on his palm and, to my surprise, he did the same, almost gripping mine in return. Just at that moment, my toothache returned. I took a sharp intake of breath and grimaced.

‘Sorry, I have terrible toothache just now,’ I winced. ‘I’m not scowling at you.’

‘You getting it sorted?’ he asked, his full lips bouncing steadily and seductively as life seemed to slip into slow motion.

‘I’ve just moved to the city and don’t have a dentist.’

‘I could look at it for you. I’m a dentist.’

I was stunned. Beautiful, helpful and a professional? A bonus! I smiled and tried to find the right words, coming up with, ‘You do oral? Hygiene! Oral hygiene, I mean.’

He smiled, ‘Yes, and yes.’

Beautiful, helpful, professional and playful. Even better! I tried to ignore the innuendo rising in the room. ‘Good, good,’ I said, attempting to get the right balance of casual and interested, nervously gouging at my notepad all the while with my pen.

‘Do you want me to look at it this afternoon? I have a cancellation.’

Music to my molars. ‘Aye, that’d be great,’ I said, both scared and aroused.

He gave me his card and smiled an ultra-bright grin:

G Bennett & Son Dental Practice

24 Belleview Terrace

Edinburgh.

New NHS Patients Welcome.

I sloped off around four, much to Molasses’ relief. ‘Anything to stop your wincing and mincing,’ she said. By 5 p.m. I had a shiny new filling and sparkly, deep-cleaned teeth. Nothing major wrong with me after all, just a small crack in a filling. Is my pain level so low? I was confident I’d need a tooth pulled. But there’s a bonus to all of this nonsense. As he was polishing, amid much flirtation, G Bennett (or Son) asked me what I was doing for the rest of the evening. I attempted to throw a significant hint by name-dropping a selection of gay bars my friend and I will be frequenting later, but between mentioning CC’s and Vibe I choked on a mixture of water, toothpaste and my own saliva.

Raising his lovely thin eyebrows that frame those fantastic clear pools of blue, he said, ‘Ah, I’ll maybe see you out and about then.’

I can’t be sure if he heard my, ‘Hope so,’ as the dental nurse dived in for such an intense suction, she nearly shredded my uvula to mince.

The damn mask was still covered his lovely lips as I said goodbye, but I was 90% certain he was giving me a cheeky grin as I went. I left cured, a little numb on the left side of my face and overstimulated in the nether regions. Here’s hoping I stop drooling before I order my first pint.

9 p.m. I’ve been through the toughest two-hour prep for a night out I’ve ever experienced. It usually takes me ten minutes. Ryan decided that I needed a complete makeover if I was aiming to impress. I’m now wearing his skinny, tapered jeans that make my balls feel as if they’re wedged in two garlic crushers every time I sit down. My size eleven feet look enormous in these ridiculous white plimsolls. If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m decked in a red chequered shirt that’s tucked into my ample waistline, which makes my skinny legs look as thin as a pink flamingo’s. And it’s all crowned off with a straw trilby that I haven’t seen worn since 1985.

I suggested tossing the hat and just slapping some gel in my hair, but Ryan replied with, ‘Puuu-leeze! There aren’t enough hours in the day to rescue your hair from the neglect you’ve insulted it with over the years. What have you been using? Swarfega? Besides, I still have to do mine, which will take an hour tops. We have to get out there at the exact moment for optimal cruising – too early, and it’s dead; too late, and there’s nothing but dregs. It’s Tuesday night; your options are limited to shift workers and students. And do not remove that hat from your pretty little head even once tonight or I’ll be disowning you.’

I assured him I was quite capable of styling my own rug when he cackled, ‘Good Lord! How can anyone apply so much product in such a short space of time?’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked a little hurt.

‘Uh, cupcake?’ he scoffed. ‘There’s product and then their’s by-product! I dread to think how stained your pillows are already.’

So here I am, a lanky Lord of the Dance. A potbellied Prince. Perhaps I’m out of the loop as far as what’s en vogue. Maybe this really is cutting edge. Perhaps G Bennett (or Son) will love it.

Ryan offered one more piece of advice, ‘Don’t make the dentist your only goal. He’s just option one.’

‘He’s my only option,’ I said, meaning I fancied him like mad.

‘You shouldn’t run yourself down like that, Andy, you have loads of options. There are plenty of middle-aged men looking for the companionship of a middle-aged queen who’s been washed up on the shores of singledom through no fault of his own.’

Sometimes, just sometimes, he’s so unaware of how offensive he can be when he channels all his energy into being caring. He asked for the dentist’s name. I had to confess I’ve no idea if he’s G Bennett the son, G Bennett the father, or even what the G stands for.

‘You best pray he’s not Gordon Bennett!’ he snorted. ‘I mean, I can’t be introducing you to my friends as Andy and his exclamation, can I?’

‘Of course, he isn’t, that would be ridiculous,’ I replied. ‘Who would be so stupid as to name their child after a vociferation?’

‘Oh! Hang on! Selfie time! Pull your chins in, thank you very much, Andy.’