#Anyway I'm happy it doesn't feel like I'm on here screaming multiple times a day any more. Nice not to feel like I need to

[lexicals]

Absolutely wild that it's already been 3 weeks since I moved it feels like half that.... also feels like I'm still in recovery mode (I keep being like "recovering from What dude" to myself but I know the answer it's just. Hard to think let alone say or write.) but I've been slowly watching so many things on my list that I've been meaning to get to and not had the bandwidth for which feels like progress? Like I'm exhausted physically but mentally I feel way better. I know I have a lot of things I need to do but it's not stressing me out as much as it used to bc no-one is breathing down my neck about them & I can get to them as quickly or slowly as I want. I'm not forcing myself to do things when I'm not up to it and yet they still get done and I don't feel like shit during the process. I didn't mean for this to be this long I'm just. Aaa

[heartofwritiing]

and you just can’t say goodbye.

paring: (zombur) William Godwinson x fem!reader

summary: Wil gets bitten, and angst ensues.

authors note: HUGE thanks to @ax-y10 for the help because originally this fic was gonna end a lot more agnsty but then they gave me an idea that was more on the happy side! I've never written a zombie apocalypse setting before so please excuse anything I get wrong. I've only watched other people play The Last of Us and I've briefly seen one episode of The Walking Dead so you can see how this will probably go. lol. The Sorry Boys zombie video is brain-rotting in my head rn I've watched it about four times now. yes. I love Zombur, so here's a drive-by of me throwing this fic at you and then skirting off with smoke from my tires. enjoy the brainrot :p (I'm so sorry this took me so long to get out, I've been procrastinating finishing it because I'm having some self-doubt at the minute but I hope you guys like this anyway even though it's a mess lol)

warnings: zombie apocalypse au, angst, death, violence, swearing, lots of kissing, characters use guns, the writer doesn't know anything about how guns work lmao, sort of happy end? super unedited!

"shit! I'm out of ammo!"

You pulled the trigger on the handgun once more, but nothing. It was luck that you had even found one. Even so early on in an apocalypse. A month had gone by since the first day of the outbreak. Though it was likely that you should've died on the first day, you don't know why you've survived this long. you should be dead.

At first, you thought staying in your apartment was the best chance you had of surviving. Big mistake. That strategy turned south when your front door was barged in after four days of no disturbance from any outsiders. Your boyfriend Wil had grabbed everything you could carry, and you hadn't stopped moving ever since.

Now, you and Wil found yourselves trapped in an alley with no escape. A pack of infected had cornered you, slowly closing in while making menacing noises. Wil bravely stood between you and the horde, fighting them off to protect you.

"Climb up the fire escape!" he shouted back at you.

You looked around until you spotted a ladder conveniently placed on the side of the building within reach. Infected were dropping like flies as Wil's shots echoed through the air. The ladder shook as you climbed, heart pounding in your ears. You glimpsed down to check and see if Wil was following, to find he was surrounded on all sides by infected. Your heart dropped when you saw one of their mouths was too close to his wrist. By the time you called out his name, it was already too late.

'Fuck!' Wil screamed as the infected bit through his skin and charred his flesh. Blood gushed down his arm and around the infected's mouth. You cry his name as he reeled back his fist and punched the infected repeatedly until it staggered off of him, but it was too late. Your eyes were fixed on him as he quickly climbed up the ladder, gasping for breath as he did so. He seemed in immense pain as he pulled his body up the ladder, slightly struggling.

Upon reaching the roof, you found a roof access leading to a floor with multiple doors, revealing it to be an apartment complex. Wil was already feeling the effects of the infection. His skin was sticky with sweat, the bitter taste left in his mouth tasting the blood rising in his throat, and the sudden vertigo he got just by rushing down the stairs was enough to make him nauseous.

You came to the floor with all the apartment units and quickly kicked in the door of the closest one. It took a few attempts to kick the door, and then bam! The sound of splitting wood and the door bouncing off the wall made a delirious Wil jump.

You entered the small room, helping Wil through the doorway, and setting him down gently before closing the door. You searched around for something to barricade the door with. Just in case of any infected find you. The only thing that looked heavy enough was the dresser tucked into the corner. Using all your muscles, you pushed the object across the room with the bottom of the dresser scraping against the wood, grimacing at the loud noise.

Letting out a sigh of relief, you knew you were safe for now. You dusted your hands off and turned back to Wil who was slumped against the wall on the floor, clutching his bitten arm. Wincing and squirming from the heat burning through his skin spreading throughout his veins.

The room was dim, and you noticed the sweat beading down his forehead. You quickly took your backpack off your shoulders and strode over to him. Taking out the first-aid kit you had for emergencies, you pulled out the tiny bottle of anti-septic cleaning solution and the roll of bandages.

You gazed down at his wrist, which was curled against his chest, shrouding you from looking at it. The ring of teeth marks oozing out the color of maroon as black vines protruded around the area, extending over his skin. His head lulled to the side as he let out a moan of pain.

"No, baby, keep your eyes open," you tried to lure him back to consciousness. Take his hand and position it palm up in your lap. He whines like a wounded animal in response.

Unscrewing the cap, you quickly prep the cotton pads. Then you quickly realize you should've put on gloves beforehand. Muttering curses under your breath you shake your head at the thought, There was no time.

"What are you doing?" Wil's voice slurs. He sounds groggy, like something is trying to creep up his throat to escape, not him. It scares you. You refuse to look at him.

"I have to clean the wound before it gets infected," you say nonchalantly.

With the little strength he has left, Will reaches out his unbitten hand to catch yours. You stop your movements in disbelief of his actions, tears brimming in your eyes as you try to save his life, but he stops you again. You both know what's inevitable, you just can't accept it.

"Wil-" you try to pull out of his grasp. You reach out to touch his wrist again this time, he is the one who pulls away.

"Look at me," he pleads. You can't bring yourself to shift your eyes to his, knowing this was inevitable. You had to try. He had to let you try.

"just stop."

Wil tries to grab the items from your hands, but you move too quickly for his shrinking reflexes to keep up. Moving beginning to be too strenuous.

"I can't- Wil-" You struggle to fight against him, too scared to hurt him. Though he's already dying.

"Stop, honey..." he quivers.

"Just let me save you!" you cry. It echoes through the room. The air is tense, and you finally meet his eyes. His skin is sickly pale, eyes bright with red veins and glossy. Purple hues outline under his soft doe eyes as they peer into yours. He fists the hem of your shirt, inviting you closer. Your breaths mix together as he presses his forehead to yours.

The words hang between you, but you bite your tongue. You want to tell him how much you want him to stay and not give up. Deep down, you already know it's not enough.

"It's too late for me darling, leave me here.”

“I'm not leaving you,” you say sternly, shaking your head.

You were determined to stay with him, no matter how difficult things got, you were unwilling to abandon him.

“Please, I don’t want you to see me turn into a monster.” his voice wavered. Your heart sank. No matter what, he would always be your Wil. Sweet, caring, and lovable Wil. Whom you adored with every fiber of your being.

You reach up to cup his face with your hands, but they feel cool against your clammy skin. His cheekbones are slowly becoming more prominent. You stare into his eyes, but the urge to tell him to be quiet becomes harder as anger festers in your chest. However, it's not anger towards him, but rather frustration towards the universe.

Instead, you snuggle up next to him to demonstrate your lack of fear and your trust in him. You want to be by his side and provide comfort. You understand that it's unrealistic to expect him to recover from this infection given his history of being sick and having a weakened immune system. It's best to accept the inevitable outcome.

It's unclear how much time has passed while the two of you remain in that position. His arm securely around your shoulder holding you close, with your arm laid across his lap where your fingers provided soft circles against his hip bone. The room grows darker as the sun sets. The air feels eerie yet comforting all at once with Wil by your side. Nothing but the sounds of his raspy breathing and occasional coughing fit to surround you. He whispers through the dark against the crown of your head with horse words. Sweet nothings, promises that make you curl into him further so he can't see the single tear you shed.

He lifts his hand to gently cup your cheek, tilting your head to meet his gaze. Selfishly, he leans in for a soft kiss. You whine at the metallic taste in his mouth when he groans to part his lips so his tongue finds yours. It makes your head spin like a top how this man makes you feel. His lips are chapped, rough, and fast as he indulges in you for maybe the last time. You gasp and reach up to tangle your fingers in his locks to reel him closer to you. His hand finds the underside of your thigh, digging into your flesh. The mere touch of his hand sets your body ablaze and sends shivers down your spine.

It's frantic and passionate, your love for him shown physically. When you disconnect, suddenly remember you need to breathe. his eyes are hazy and his pupils are blown. You are sure you look like a flustered mess.

"I love you," he says sincerely, and you believe him.

It stings in your chest, you can't stand it.

"I love you more," you reply.

You tuck yourself into his neck, breathing in the scent of sweat and outdoors, and it's calming. Wil rests his head on the crown of your head. You neglect how his breathing has slowed as you drift off to sleep.

-

The next time you open your eyes, the sun peeks through the window, casting a golden glow over the bedroom. Your bones crack when you sit up to stretch from sleeping in the same position all night. You knew you'd regret it later when you had back pain for days. You turn to Wil, who doesn't stir when you move. Your heart dropped when you noticed something different about him.

Around his eyes were a darker color than the previous night. His cheekbones were completely sunken in where you could almost see the bone. his lips were a blueish color and his chest was rising and falling.

This was your fault. You should have stayed awake.

Tears streamed down your face as you called out his name, gently shaking his body, but he didn't respond.

"Wil!" you wailed, begging for him to come back.

You slumped forward, cradling him against your chest, pressing kisses to his temple, and muttering apologies against his cold skin. You felt your heart break as you realized he was gone, and tears rolled down your face as you held him close to you. You felt a deep emptiness settle in your heart. You knew you would never fill the void his death had left. You sobbed, gripping him tighter, and whispered your final goodbye. You held him close, cherishing holding home one last time. Knowing that you would never be the same again.

You're too distraught to move. You don't want to leave him here, but you don't have any other choice. The urge to keep on and survive was slowly fading now that you had no one left in this cruel world.

Wil felt heavy in your arms to the point where your arms were falling asleep, but you refused to let go. If you were to leave now, you may be tempted to never return to the person you once were. Allow your sorrow to consume you. The one good thing left in your life was gone.

You suddenly felt hands grab your lower back, causing you to yelp in surprise. Fingers gripe harshly at your skin through your clothes. Wil's chilled breath glides up your spine as he lets out a deep groan against your collarbone. He was alive? How?

His lips ghosted across your collarbone, pressing his nose directly into your pulse point. His hot breath fans across your exposed skin, causing goosebumps to rise along your body. Then, you feel his teeth nipping at your skin, and your eyes widen realizing his intentions.

You jerk away and shove him off you roughly. Crawling backward, quickly shuffling away from him, your heart pounding, until your back hits the opposite wall with a thump. You wince in pain from the impact and notice Wil gradually beginning to crawl toward you. A fixed gaze over his sheer white eyes, almost glowing like moonbeams. Chills ran down your spine as you gazed at your former lover, unrecognizable.

You froze as he approached, shrinking in on yourself. His body lazily dragged itself across the wooden floor, scrapping and groaning with every floorboard. Once he was close enough, his hand unexpectedly reached to grasp your ankle, and you screamed in fear. Nails harshly dig into your skin and create recent moon shapes that make you cry out.

He yanked you with a surprising strength until you were laid beneath him, overbearing you. You are powerless as Wil, or not Wil's body leaned over you and cadged you with his arms. Tears flow from the corners of your eyes and into your ears as his face inches towards you.

"Please," you whisper. Again, he tilts his head in curiosity at you.

"William?" Your eyes bore into his, trying to find some trace of life left in them. You observe his eyes returning to their natural color and a look of terror crossing his face as he regains consciousness. He staggers back and moves away from you frantically, clutching his chest and struggling to breathe.

You both sit on opposite sides of the room against the wall, he stares into the floor burning holes into the wood, avoiding your eyes. You just blink blankly at him in shock, knees tucked against your chest again.

Wil cradled his skull, clutching fist fulls of his hair, squeezing his eyes shut, and heaving breaths of panic puffed out his mouth. Mumbles of "I'm sorry," repeated like a mantra over, and over out shakily.

You let out an unsteady breath, His eyes quickly flicked over to you and fear flooded your senses once again.

"Darling?" he tries, his voice hoarse. He moves towards the center of the room, positioning himself a safe distance from you. “I'm sorry... I don't know what came over me..." his voice trails off.

He noticed your tense reaction upon watching him inch closer to you, and it broke his heart to see you trembling in fear due to his prior actions. He could never forgive himself for causing you such distress.

"is it really you?" you asked.

"I don't know," he says honestly. "I don't feel like myself, It's like I'm trying to grab hold of a stearing wheel and fight for control right now."

Your heart sank at his words. You let them maul over in your head for a moment. It sounded like your Wil, but you hesitated in reaching out to him. So, was he alive? He didn't look it, his skin was still deathly pale and almost decayed. Nose now dripping with dried blood that ran down his lips.

His head hangs low as he silently sobs. He didn’t want this. Now he was dead and was leaving you to defend yourself. He swore he would always protect you and he’s failed. He knows its selfish to ask you to stay with him, you should just leave him here to rot. Still, he begs you.

“Please, darling dont leave me,” You shake your head and crawl towards him. He might be an undead zombie now, but you still loved him more than anything else is this life. You would do anything for him. You take his face in your hands to tilt his head up but he avoids your eyes. “look at me,” his eyes shift to yours.

“I wanna help you baby, and im sure as hell not gonna leave you, not now, not ever.” you proclaim. “So don’t you dare ever try and push me away, because im staying. No matter how complicated things get.”

You bring yourself to kiss his forehead, your warm lips making him sigh out from the touch. He holds you for what feels like hours. Eventually you both know you’ll have to leave this abandoned apartment, whether you run out of food or more zombies show up. move on, then figure things out. Whatever it takes you would stay together, no matter what.

taglist: @trashcanduck @merakiwi @addxms @ax-y10 @scenefaez @starsyoubreaklikesugardust @drop-of-void

[shinygoku]

A Hard Day's Night (1964)

March is here and we have a strong entry for this CutCat Reviews Beatles Albums series! However I wanna specify that this is the Album and not the movie, though the Movie is something I'd like to delve into at a later date~

I like the concept behind this cover, conveying some of their Range through multiple pictures. It was oddly hard to get a high resolution pic to put here (I ended up screenshotting the YT upload instead lmao), it's good the actual photos are high contrast. Far from my fav set of images but better than the US version lmao

Anyway, other than being the Album of the Film, this is notable for being the first All-Originals LP, as well as being very John heavy, with George leading vocals on one song, and Ringo having none. Before I hear 'em all, the ones that stick most in my mind are the title track and Can't Buy Me Love, so let's see how the whole album is to experience~

SIDE ONE

A Hard Day's Night: <TWAAAAAAANG--!> An amazing start (if a bit of a Headphones User Jumpscare) and a beautiful medley of their different instruments and vocals. The 2023 remix makes the distinct elements clearer, so I heartily endorse giving it a listen even if ya've heard the song or watched the movie hundreds of times!

I Should Have Known Better: Harmonica is still in heavy use here! After that, the first note is ...less than melodic, but the more words we get into the song the better it gets, until the chorus resets back to the long drawn out "I" again lol

If I Fell: The harmony really offers a pretty sound to this number. It kinda feels like a sequel song to I Wanna Hold Your Hand, albeit I do prefer that one. It's pretty but the way the Ex keeps coming up leaves me unsure of the intended Vibe. I like it more in the Film where John is serenading Ringo tbh :3c

I'm Happy Just to Dance With You: Oh hey, George! And dang, this is the 2nd song to reference Holding Hands, and again it isn't as bodacious as that, but I am enjoying this song on its own merits lmao. It's jaunty and yet casual, there's a warmth to the energy here. It's straightforward and sweet, I'd even go as far as to say it's a hidden gem, and the bass and drums have me moving about~

And I Love Her: A pretty Paul song that perhaps feels more like poetry. Groovy guitars and bongos lend a good atmosphere, and the lyrics paint a nice visual. It kinda feels like the sort of song that is best on a nighttime drive, even though vinyls weren't made for cars lol, just a nice vibe to it...

Tell Me Why: This album has a lot of distinct openings already, doesn't it? This is a Displeased Song, but there's a good groove occuring and dope vocal syncing. Like I Should Have Known Better, I prefer the parts of the song that aren't the title, however this one grows more on me than that lol. Annoyingly, this was not given a 2023 remix, so the lovely drumming work isn't as apparent as it deserves!

Can't Buy Me Love: CAN'T BUY ME LOOOO-OOOVE !! Like, man! That's another hugely catchy opening and refrain, innit~ It's all too easy to be cynical and point out how much cash these lads were raking in, but the words still ring as the truth, and the song is an all-around Bop! I like the little pauses in the instruments each time the "I don't care too much for money" line returns, it's all punctuated so nicely, and the SCREAM! And then an instrumental break between that and looping back into the verse is such an aural treat~

SIDE TWO

Any Time At All: Hmmm, sounds like it's aping From Me To You in sentiments, though obviously the melody of this is different. I'm inclined to put this in the heap of "Original Beatle Songs that still get lost in the shuffle even though it's perfectly decent", but not a hidden gem like I'm Happy Just To Dance With You is lol

I'll Cry Instead: A Bluesy number with a nice rhythm and fun uhh, middle eight? Though the vengeful flavour dampers my enjoyment, what have these "other girls" done to earn your threats, hm? It's not bad but it's not appealing.

Things We Said Today: Ahh yes, the famous reverse-nostalgia song! I like the sentiments but this time the music doesn't feel as memorable and hum-able. The chorus amps the energy up but this Paul one is firmly in the shadow of the other two solos he did on this album. But he do be right; love IS love!

When I Get Home: Hmmm..... this one ain't making a strong impression. The main thought I have is how it's title is similar to the refrain in AHDN "when I get home to you", but without the dope energy that one has. I'm starting to think they frontloaded this album, but there's still a couple'a songs left...!

You Can't Do That: I'm listening to the 2023 version and ooh hi Cowbell! ...wait a sec, a jealousy song? One with threats woven into it? :/ .....how come this was selected for the '23 Red Album? The chorus sounds better but nah, this ain't doing it for me.

I'll Be Back: Hmmm, after the Terminator video suggestions, I opened this song for a creepy stalker song [albeit with good instruments]. I'm bored of these vibes on side two!!!!

CONCLUSION

Best 3: A Hard Day's Night, And I Love Her, Can't Buy Me Love

Blurst 3: I'll Cry Instead, You Can't Do That, I'll Be Back

Overall Quality?: Woooow what a beast of two halves!! Side 1 is hit after hit with all the memorable numbers, and I was starting to wonder if this album was the stealth early best?? And then Side 2 is mostly "Meh" to "Ouugh I don't like this!". Damn. I guess overall I'd say it's Uneven, but with the caveat that side 1 is a lot better overall than the average set by Please Please Me and With The Beatles. Maybe they shoulda crammed a Ringo song in? ¬w¬;;

It's really annoying that Side Two drags it down so much. I like 3's but I'm Happy Just To Dance With You is a close contender for the top 3, but the ones I selected are just soooo Iconic, innit. If I was judging the album just based on the first side I'd say it's Really Great, but I'll hafta save more glowing praise for an album that has it all later down the line...

🪲🪲🪲🪲

Next tiiiiime, on Beatles Ball Z... we see the burnout that occurs after a film, an all-originals album, and of course, the Beatlemania that had them charged at by excited girls and weirdo reporters. Find out what happens in Beatles For Sale!

[timandlucy]

hi suz! i'm sorry it's been a hot minute, it's been a little crazy on my end, and i didn't want you to think i was neglecting you! are you feeling any better? being sick is always the worst, but this time of year it definitely lingers much longer than anyone wants it to.

kdsbflkbdsglkdhas the hallmark christmas movies are basically always the same, but that's why i find them comforting. i like knowing that it's all going to turn out okay in the end lol very few stick with me, but the ones that stick definitely stick!

linstead <333333 i started watching chicago pd because i love sophia bush and totally loved linstead. i also love upsted...can you tell that i just love jay in general? lol i have...THOUGHTS about how they wrote him off but...anyway, i would definitely love to read your linstead fic 👀

pride and prejudice is just...brilliant. that feels like such a basic way to describe it, but that's what it is. jane austen was a genius. i have heard a lot about the chesapeake bay saga, and i'm glad to hear that you enjoy it! i love found family so i'll have to check it out!

i'm so excited that you'll be going to the eras tour multiple times next year! i love that journey for you! is there a certain set that you're most excited for? i can't wait to go the eras tour again next year, i'm already planning my outfit and my show is at the end of next year lol

ohhhhh romancy books! okay, uh i absolutely loved ashley poston's the dead romantics (i need to read the seven year slip). the bright falls series by ashley herring blake (deliah green doesn't care, astrid parker doesn't fail and iris kelly doesn't date) is super fun, as is the written in the stars series by alexandria bellefleur (written in the stars, hang the moon, count your lucky stars) and i always recommend emily henry for great romances. i also really like rachel lynn solomon and loved her latest, business or pleasure! i'd be happy to give more recs, just let me know what kind of books you're interested in!

awwwww i'm so glad that resonated with you 🧡 that means so much to me. oh, yes, once ss is over i'll definitely tell you what it is lol

how're things going with you? what has your week been like/what are you looking forward to? lots of love! - secret sleuth 🧡 🔎

Omg not at all! I know you have a life and all, and you're spoiling me with messages anyway, so don't worry! I am feeling better, but there's some lingering cough that I can't seem to get rid of. Soon I hope.

And yes, absolutely! You always know without fail that the main characters will end up together and there will be a happy ending. Sometimes that's exactly what you need.

Yeah that's the same reason I started watching it! And yeah I totally know what you mean, they really butchered his character. Okay, since you asked, this is the fic I'm still most proud of to this day, it's called Wish That You Were Here, and please feel no pressure to read it!

I'm so thrilled to just go, my friend and I had tickets for Lover Fest but it got cancelled because of Covid, so I am hoping nothing comes up this time! I'm super excited to scream the Cruel Summer bridge, obviously dreaming about my ideal surprise songs, but I'm really excited for the folklore and evermore sets, those are the ones we didn't really see live much and she made it so stunning. The willow in the movie is just wow (I'm speechless) and also my tears ricochet. I'm so excited to see those live. Which were your favorites the first time you went?? And don't remind me my original outfit idea fell through so now I'm not sure what I'm wearing. If push comes to shove I'll just wear my cruel summer t-shirt and jeans and do the lover heart around my eye or something haha.

Those all sound amazing and I will be checking them out! I've had emily henry on my list forever but then I saw some reviews that were like pretty negative and I have to admit in that moment that swayed me because I was pretty pressed for time at the time. But I'll have to give her a shot now that you mention it. Thank you so much for these recs!

My week was okay, I was still on sick leave till wednesday and then worked on thursday, friday and saturday. I took a nap yesterday that I only woke up from this morning. My neck hurts quite a bit, I think I strained a muscle because I'm sleeping with more pillows because of my cough. And I was working on my own ss gift, which is a little scary but mostly fun!

How about your week? Are you getting more into the festive spirit as the holidays approach?

Lots of love right back to you!

[miss-smutty]

Brothers - Chapter 11

Unforgiven

Summary- You're hit with the bombshell of Chris coming home after a month away and after he left you questioning everything, completely heartbroken. How were you meant to confront him after so long?

Word count- 2K

Pairing- Chris Hems x reader

Warnings- Swearing, a smidgen of violence

18+ only!

Posted: 3rd August 2021

Taglist:- @everything-is-awesomesauce @nicolemt23 @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires

Brothers Masterlist <<<

You haven't felt like this about anyone for a very long time and Chris has just made your fear of rejection all too real. You couldn't help the way you felt about him though, still feel about him. You love him and he'd told you he loved you, you'd felt it when he'd said it, you'd seen the look in his eye. So why were you even questioning it? 

In the morning you finally felt the courage to check your phone - Liam had stayed with you all night until you'd calmed down enough to go to bed when the sun had rised and you were no longer taunted by your demons in the dark.

There's multiple text messages and missed calls filling up the screen of your phone. 

I'm sorry I had to leave like that, are you ok? Xx

Read the first one. Your eyes scanned over the rest, mostly saying the same thing.

Y/N please answer. Let me explain myself. I didn't have time to speak to Liam about it all right then and I didn't want to leave on a bombshell.

His excuses made you feel sick to your stomach. You could understand why he did it but there were much better ways for him to go about it that wouldn't have left you feeling heartbroken.

You sighed heavily, putting your phone back onto your bedside table a little bit too forcibly and sinking back into your feather pillows. If you gave in to your impulses you would've text him back straight away but knowing deep down that would be the wrong thing to do, you restrained yourself. It took willpower but you just about managed, he'd made you feel like shit there was no way you were going to forgive him so easily.

*********

As the weeks passed by it became more and more difficult to ignore Chris, he wasn't giving up without a fight which admittedly made you feel a little bit better. You'd ignored him for so long it had become a habit and the fact he wasn't giving in told you he definitely did care about you but he'd made a major mistake and you were going to make him pay.

"Have you spoke to Chris yet?" Liam asked you over lunch. 

"Nope." A sly smile played on your lips, you were kind of enjoying making Chris sweat but you'd never admit it.

"Maybe you should, he's been blowing my phone up trying to get in contact with you. You do know he's coming home this week?"

"What? You stopped with your fork in front of your lips, eyes wide. "No I did not know that, has it been a month already?"

"Uh-huh, and its gonna be massively fucking awkward for me if you two are still arguing." 

"We're not arguing..." You brush your hair behind your ear, sitting up straight in your chair. " We're not even speaking." 

The thought of Chris coming home fills you with dread and excitement all at the same time. You're so excited to see his face and yet dreading the thought of having to deal with your problems.

"When will he be home?" You ask, trying to be casual.

"I don't know, he just said this week. I haven't exactly been speaking to him myself, I'm still pissed off with him."

"And you didn't think to ask what day?.and why are you pissed off? He didn't do anything to you." Your voice was a little too high, it always was when you panicked. Chris could come home at any minute and you weren't mentally prepared for it.

"No, but don't you think him hurting you effects me? You've had a face like a slapped ass for a month for a start and if you want to know so badly why don't you call him?" Liam raised his eyebrows at you, unamused at the whole messenger thing he had going on.

"Pfft, I can't." You push your bowl of food away, suddenly not very hungry anymore. "It's been so long I wouldn't even know what to say." 

"Your drama is honestly making me go grey." Liam runs his hand through his hair, looking at you with raised eyebrows.

"I think you'd look pretty good as a silver fox." You tease.

"I would but still, please sort it out." He gives you the glare. "Anyway, I'm going to have a little get together tonight. You up for it?" 

"A get together or a party?" 

"Well you know how it usually goes, it starts off as a get together but usually turns in to a party." 

"Exactly, well I'm off out with the girls so we'll be there later." 

You finished up your meals, Liam refusing for you to pay as usual, he was such a gentleman, you really wish his brother was a little bit more like him in that way. 

*********

You help Liam greet his guests, smiling and mingling as you go. The ratio of women to men doesn't suprise you one bit, Liam was newly single after all but you roll your eyes anyway after leading yet another group of girls through to the living room.

You watched Liam greeting the girls with the most genuine smile on his face than you'd seen in a while, he was happy, finally and it brought you great pleasure.

Your heart stops beating when you hear Chris's distinctive Australian accent carry above the noise in the room, you can feel his eyes burning into your back as you turn around to find him. Your tummy fluttering when your eyes meet, unable to hide how much you've actually missed him from your face. He smiles sheepishly at you making your tummy somersault, excusing himself politely from the group of girls that had circled around him and making his way over to you, when Liam steps in his way, blocking his path.

"I don't want to make a scene here but you've got some serious explaining to do." Liam says sternly.

"I know... I... I wasn't honest with you before I left." 

"That's putting it lightly. Y/N told me everything." You watched the exchange between the brothers, your nerves going into overdrive. You could hear Liam's friend talking to you but you weren't focusing on him, his words just a distant noise, your attention solely on the brothers. Brothers who looked like they were about to fight. Because of you.

"What are you, her bodyguard? If there's anyone I need to answer to it's Y/N, are you gunna let me past?" You watched as Chris' jaw tensed, the muscles in his neck becoming more prominent and you knew things were getting heated.

"If you're gunna treat her like shit Chris then yeah I am, the manly thing to do was come clean. It was a pussy move and you know it." People were starting to watch and your cheeks were burning but you were routed to the spot. Unable to move all you could do was stare blankly.

"Are you calling me a pussy?"

"Yeah, I'm calling you a fucking pussy." Liam shoved Chris square in his chest, he barely moved but his jaw clenched together, the tendons in his neck straining with rage.

Why, why, why were you stood watching this and not doing something about it? Your two favourite people in the whole world were about to fight each other and you're stood watching like it's a fucking soap opera.

You could see Chris thinking, debating about what he should do. Should he give his brother a free pass - he did deserve it, or should he fight back - he'd already called him a pussy he didn't want people actually believing it. 

He decided to let it go, moving past him to get to you when Liam shoved him again, this time he wasn't expecting it and almost fell over, recovered himself and then went for Liam. Your mouth hung open, your legs started moving before you registered what was happening.

"Stop! Please stop!" You screamed, Liam's friends coming to the rescue and holding them both back. Tears in your eyes at the thought of them fighting each other

You looked up at Liam's friend holding Chris back. "It's ok, I've got him." You took Chris by the hand, leading him away from Liam, weaving through the crowd that had gathered, pissed off that they'd caused such a scene in public but you needed to get them away from each other so they could both calm down.

Chris walked into your room and you closed the door behind him, resting your head against it for a minute.

"What the fuck was that?" You question, turning around to face him.

"Don't ask me, what exactly did you say to Liam while I was gone?" 

"Are you really trying to blame me? I told him the truth Chris, like you should've done." He hung his head in shame. His elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Yeah I know but let me explain."

"I haven't got time for it now." You start shuffling through your wardrobe. "I need to get ready." You say with your back to him.

"Ready for what?"

"I'm going out with the girls." You turn around slowly, looking at him, taking him all in. You've missed him so much, why does he have to be so damn attractive.

Then he gives you that sexy smile and your knees almost cave but you remind yourself of the things he said, willing yourself to stay angry with him.

"Do you have to go? I've only just got back." You start going through your wardrobe, if you had your back to him you could distract yourself from the heavy sexual tension between you. The need to run up to him and wrap you legs around him, telling him all was forgiven while you kissed every inch of his damn fine body. 

"Yeah I'm going. You don't get to treat me like that and then just come back and act like nothings happened." 

"Y/N can you please stop being so stupid, this is ridiculous." He said sitting down on the end of your bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm being stupid? Are you for real?" You take off your clothes until you're left in just your underwear, turning around to look at him with your hands on your hips.

"Ok sorry that was the wrong thing to say, I've been trying to speak to you every day for a month. Did you not miss me?" He looks up, his eyes widening when he sees you in your underwear.

"You're always saying the wrong thing aren't you?" Now can you leave, I need to get ready and I want to do it in peace." You point to the door, your hand falling limply by your side when you watch Chris licking his lips, his eyes focusing everywhere but your face.

"Do you have to go? I think I can find a way of making you forgive me." 

"You can't just fuck your way outta this one Chris, I'm not a toy for you to do as you please with." 

"You're so hot when you're angry... I'm really trying not to fuck you senseless right now." He bites on his fist watching your anger falter.

"We're just friends aren't we?" You say rather bitterly

"We're not just friends and you fucking know it, friends don't do this shit -" he says as he moves in front of you, his hands wrapping around you and resting on your plump cheeks. "I told you I loved you and I fucking meant it. Can we please forget what I said? I didn't think about it until after I'd said it and I tried to call you straight away to apologize."

"Do what?" You reply trying to keep your calm as his hands electrify your body.

He cups your ass and lifts you into his arms, you instinctively wrap your legs around his hard torso. He lays you back onto the bed and kisses you deep, his tongue desperately finding yours as he thrusts his bulge into your tingling pussy. Your body betrays you as you let out a low moan, you feel him groan from deep inside as his prehistoric nature takes over.

"That." he says breathlessly.

"I'm still going out tonight but I'll be back later." You say between him kissing down your neck, savouring every last inch of your taste. "You can think about how you can make it up to me while I'm gone and before that you better go grovel to Liam, I think he's even more pissed off than me."

"Oh baby, you're not even going to know your own name by the time I'm finished with you never mind anything else." 

"This doesn't mean you're forgiven, this means I'm giving you a chance." 

[edgeofpanic]

 @yangsbandana​ ranked her top 10 bees moments and then i got in my feelings about them so fuck it!! here's my top 10 after the cut

10. that little eyeroll and smile blake does in v1 when yang picks up the chess piece in the emerald forest and says "how about a cute little pony?" they've only been partners for about for 30 minutes at this point, and blake has spent multiple episodes practically screaming "I DON'T WANT TO GET CLOSE TO ANYONE, I AM A BAD PERSON WHO DOESN’T DESERVE HAPPINESS." and still yang gets the prickly ex-terrorist to smile. gay.

9. yang's reply to blake at mountain glenn. blake is still so torn up about running away from home, her actions while with the white fang, running from adam, her present, her future. and all yang says is that she knows she won't run away from a challenge. that she's strong enough to face it and come out on the other side better than she was. the utter faith of it all!!

8. all of v4 lmao. but i have narrow that down so it's when yang looks at the pile of books in her very first scene in that volume and then turns away with the saddest look on her face. she misses just blake so much even though she left!!! and she doesn't want to because missing someone has never brought back the people she cares about, but she is anyway! bees angst is usually not my favorite but when it hits it hits and v4 and v5 were it

7. the dummied out cherry stem yang ties with her tongue while staring directly at blake in v2. she is extremely gay and she is trying so, so hard to show the girl she likes that she's interested. bless her. crwby, yall are cowards for taking this away from us

6. nora at the rally going "friends? just friends? i think they have more going on". nora is easily one of the most emotionally intelligent characters on the show so when she says two people wanna kiss i believe her. it's also notable that this is the first time anyone in-show has acknowledged blake and yang have something happening, even if they aren't necessarily together. praying that there's a followup to this in v10 where she outright asks what the deal is now that they're back from survivor island in the Time Pit

top 5...god i suffered for ages over this and i still think i forgot something

5. "i'll destroy everything you love...starting with her." cw for this vid: dismemberment, abusive relationships

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i'm a relatively new fan having only picked up rwby in late 2019. my friends who were into it kept telling me it was pretty gay and one friend routinely sent bumbleby fanart because she knew it would entice me to start the show faster. and sure i thought they were cute, but i was still unsure if this was for real or not. but this scene. this one right here is the one where i went, "oh. oh, we're actually doing this.” there is no real way to read this as other than romantic. the framing, the timing, like.... man.

i’m also a sucker for devotion in ships and if sacrificing an arm to save the one you love and not even blaming them for running away isn’t devotion, i don’t know what it is.

4. burning the candle.

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if number 5 convinced me, burning the candle was the one that got me on the train. here was my reaction from a friend sending gifs of this without too much context

and then i finally watched and got hella emotional. it’s a lot of firsts: yang opening up about her past, disagreement, blake allowing herself comfort. but they still manage to talk, work through how they feel, and leave better than they were. and i think it’s what i love about them the most? regardless of what happens, they have each others backs and always work toward a compromise. ugh. god.

also that stupid flirty wink is fooling no one, just say you’ll meet her under the bleachers

3. "what if I needed her there for me"/"yang was strength"

yes it’s kind of cheating to put two different scenes in one spot but they share real estate in my brain. these are the pinnacle of v5 bees angst, for me. there’s a lot left unsaid and literal continents between them, but they’re both saying the same thing. “i miss her a lot. i really wish she was here.” and at this point they haven’t been in the same room for almost 2 seasons. they have a lot of emotional ground to cover when they see each other and even more healing to do.

regardless of it all, they can’t stop thinking about each other. someway, somehow, they want to make their more-than-friendship work.

speaking of seeing each other again

2. beeunion 2.0

blake walks into the battle at haven at the most bizarre time. weiss has a big giant wasp summon (and it looks like she’s been stabbed???? but she’s fine???????), her friends are here, all the bad guys are also here, there’s some random kid fighting a juiced up dude with a cane. everything is fucking happening at once. and all blake can say is "yang?" In that little scared, hopeful voice

and like. the look on yang’s face as she sees blake for the first time is of utter awe. this person she never thought she’d see again singled her out in a room of utter chaos looking just as amazed to see her.

also there’s this gay little moment after yang comes out of the vault

1. “we’re protecting each other.”

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to this day, this is the only scene in rwby that has almost brought me to tears. it really is all about both of them realizing they don’t have to face their ordeals alone ever again. they’ll be each others’ pillar with unwavering faith.

just! fuck me up!!!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP

quick honorable mentions:

blake's gay little skip in v6

sun saying that yang would never blame blake for what happened with adam

bumblebee the bike ramming into adam at high speed

yangs gay meltdown over the haircut

“do you think...she thinks less of me?”/”you could always try calling yang...”

beeunion 3.0

actually all their moments in v7 (the talk in the truck, the moment in the airship, getting ready for their totally a date but not a date before the election)

[ggidolsmuts]

Childish - Blackpink Jisoo

You're waiting around at the amusement park, watching the crowds of couples and packs of students streaming in, ready to take your place in the never-ending lines at every ride you want to go on. Where the hell is she? You wonder, your foot tapping the pavement impatiently. You're pretty sure you made a dent on the sidewalk when finally you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn your face, only to be stopped by a finger pressed on your cheek.

"Got you! Hey oppa." You turn around to find the second half of your very own couple.

"Yes yes you got me, how old are you now Jisoo?"

"Hey! That's not polite!" She clings on to your arm, happy to see you again. "Oh no the lines, are we late?"

"Nope, everyone was early." She was late, but you found her so adorable you could overlook it. "Let's go."

As you entered the amusement park hand-in-hand Jisoo brings up an odd topic.

"Oppa, you know today is Opposites' Day right?"

"No, what is that?"

"It means you have to say the opposite of whatever you mean. So if I say I hate you, it means I love you!"

"No that's silly, and don't say that, I'm hurt now." You fake tears and shake your shoulders, pretending to be hurt by her words.

"Aww okay, anyways, you're "it" for today, you have to say the opposite of whatever you mean, okay?"

"Okay..." Jisoo raises her eyebrows at you? "I mean, not okay...?"

"Good oppa! Come on, let's go!"

You are dragged by the hand into the amusement park, Jisoo smiling happily at you the whole way. As soon as you are in however, you are basically accosted by an aggressive headband seller.

"Hey my friend, how about a cute hairband for your beautiful girlfriend?"

"I-uhh... no thank you."

"Yay thanks oppa!" Jisoo turns to the seller. "He means yes, I'll take the bunny one."

"Thank you, that'll be 10000 won."

"What?!"

"Come on, don't I look cute? Hmm? Hmm?" Jisoo's cuteness with the hairband on breaks down your exasperation, and you pay the park employee.

"Here you go."

"Thank you, I hope you enjoy your visit!"

"Don't you want a matching one?"

"Yes, I'm sure I do." Jisoo's face falls as you smartly avoid her trap.

"You're no fun."

"Come on, let's not check out the rides." The two of you check out a few easy but fun ones at first, enjoying crashing into others in the bumper cars and riding the Viking, but Jisoo's tastes get progressively more and more extreme, and you find yourself strapped in with her in a Tower of Terror type ride.

"Jisoo, do we have to do this?"

"Do we not have to do this? You're right oppa, we do have to do this!" She smiles at you right as the ride shoots you up into the air, overlooking the rest of the park from up high. All you hear is your own screaming while the ride jerks you up and down in the air.

"Can we go home?" You ask Jisoo, your legs wobbly and weak from the ride.

"Of course oppa, let's go check more rides out!" You smack yourself in the face as Jisoo runs to the park map, looking for the next ride to torture you with.

"Let's check that one out!" It turns out that the one Jisoo had in mind was a real killer of a roller coaster, with multiple people coming out with faces green or hunched over right outside the ride exit.

"C-can we not Jisoo?" She smiles at your poorly worded question.

"I thought you'd never ask!" She pushes you into the ride, the lack of a line painfully convenient for her. The two of you are strapped in far too quickly.

"W-wait, I think I want off."

"Of course sir." The ride attendant makes to unstrap you from the seat, but Jisoo blocks him.

"Sorry, he's confused, he means he wants to stay on, opposite day, you understand." The attendant clearly doesn't, but he listens to Jisoo's gorgeous smile at him over your pleading glances for help.

"This will be the last one okay? I promise!" You don't believe her, but all you can do now is grab on to Jisoo's hand tightly as the ride starts, quickly throwing you into a murderous series of turns and loops. The rest of it is a blur, all you remember is holding on to Jisoo's hand like your life depended on it.

"That was great!"

"Argh..." You double over at the exit of the ride, dry retching and trying not to throw up.

"Oppa are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine... I mean not fine, give me a minute." Jisoo stays by your side, gently patting your back until you are finally good enough to straighten back up.

"I'm bad now, do you not want to get breakfast?" She smiles happily at your question.

"Now you're finally getting it! Let's get dinner!"

Dinner was an expensive but sadly mediocre affair at one of the many restaurants in the amusement park, and the two of you left the place full but unsatisfied.

"Oppa do you want to get on more rides?" Jisoo asks you.

You make a show of rubbing your stomach. "Yes, I'm so hungry right now." Jisoo pouts, but agrees to end the trip.

"Aww fine, let's go home then?" You shake your head in reply, and the two of you end your trip to the amusement park, getting a taxi back home.

"It was so fun today oppa." Jisoo sighs, leaning her head oh your shoulder.

"No, it was so boring." You feel Jisoo chuckle against you.

"Oh stop, enough with the opposite day stuff."

"Yes, I will stop now."

"You're so bad!"

"I can't be... nicer." You whisper in Jisoo's ear sensually, a different type of shudder traveling through her body. The two of you struggle to keep your hands to yourselves, one of your hands sneaking down the back of her shorts, squeezing and tracing circles on her peachy butt. Jisoo meanwhile has a hand on your thigh, lightly gripping you, oh so slowly making her way closer and closer to your crotch. You are glad that the taxi ride doesn't last for much longer, else the two of you would be giving the driver a backseat show. You reluctantly slip your hand out of Jisoo's shorts as the taxi comes to a halt, and after paying the oblivious taxi driver the two of you make your way quickly to your apartment.

As soon as the door shuts Jisoo jumps into your arms, her lithe legs wrapping around you, your hands going naturally to her generous thighs to hold her up.

"Thanks for playing along with me today oppa."

"You're not welcome." You kiss her deeply, carrying her to the bedroom, both of you drowning in a mix of love and lust. Depositing her on the bed, your cock begins to harden, watching her be so adorable and yet incredibly sexy as she slowly rids herself of her top, revealing a lacy black bra.

"Someone’s not horny is she?" You ask her, admiring her from above, running your hands up and down her petite body, both of you trembling in anticipation.

"Oppa just shut up and kiss me already." You capture her lips while your hands pick up from where you left off in the taxi, sliding beneath her shorts from below this time, cupping her butt.

"Ah... you love my butt don't you?"

"No I don't..." You squeeze a moan from her, feeling her body warm up underneath your touch. Disappointingly you feel Jisoo push herself up the bed and getting out from below you.

"Okay you need to stop that now, and I'm going to make you." Still half-dressed Jisoo gets off the bed, pushing you and making you take her spot previously, sitting on the edge of the bed. With little fanfare she strips you of your pants and boxers, licking her lips at the sight of your stiff cock. She causes you to groan when she grips your shaft firmly, beginning to slowly stroke you.

"Oppa, tell me what you want me to do."

"I-I want you to stroke my cock..." Jisoo stops immediately. "What?"

"You liked opposite day so much, so I'm going to not stroke your cock."

"Fine, I want you to stop stroking my cock- oooh yes..." You moan as she strokes you with both hands, the delicious friction burning you up.

"What next?"

"Suck me please..." She continues to stroke you instead. "I mean, don't suck me."

"Are you sure you want to keep talking in opposites?" She doesn't let you reply, instead taking the sensitive tip of your cock in mouth and swirling her tongue around it. You can only throw your head back and moan, every lick of her tongue sending jolts of pleasure through you.

"Fuck Jisoo, I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that."

"Oh what? You're not going to cum if I keep doing that? I guess I'll stop then." You feel your cock throb in the air, eager for Jisoo's touch as she backs away from you, somehow looking even sexier half-dressed in her bra and shorts.

"What? No don't stop! Okay okay I'll stop doing opposites, please go back to sucking me!"

"That's more like it." She leans back down on your cock again, taking all of you in her mouth. The feel of her mouth is delightful as Jisoo hollows out her cheeks, allowing your cock to poke against the side of her mouth. Low groans escape her while she works on you, and you look down to see your naughty girlfriend touching herself while sucking you off, a hand down her shorts while the other strokes your balls. The image is far too erotic, and you feel yourself get close to the edge.

"I'm so close Jisoo. Where should I cum?" She is too caught up in her own pleasure, her hand working furiously underneath her shorts. The increasing vibrations of her moans tip you over the edge, and you pull her head into your crotch as you orgasm, flooding her mouth with your white cum.

"Mmph?! Mm mm!" Jisoo's reaction is one of surprise - her eyes wide open, looking at you with surprise before they roll back in her head, her own pleasure overtaking her, her fingers playing with herself and the cum filling her mouth triggering an orgasm of her own. Her jaw goes slack around your cock, groaning and shuddering as she rides out her orgasm, a mix of her saliva and your cum spilling out of her mouth and on to the floor. You gently remove yourself from her mouth and Jisoo goes weak, collapsing between your legs. She pulls her hand out of her shorts - it is completely drenched with her juices. To add to the dirty scene your drool and cum-coated cock begins dripping on to her face while she lays under you, still trying to recover from her own orgasm.

"Damn babe, you couldn't wait for me to touch you?"

"Hehe sorry oppa, I was so wet while sucking you."

"I should punish you for that... go get cleaned up and let's do round two."

"Sure, I won't be long." She takes off her ruined shorts and throws them at you, letting you feel and smell the aftermath of her climax. She walks away clad in a matching set of black lace panties, her hips swaying every step of the way. Jisoo turns around, smacking her butt and letting it jiggle for you before she enters the bathroom. Everything about her turns you on to no end, and your cock is already stiff and waiting when she returns completely naked. Her perky breasts lightly jiggle as she walks seductively towards you, her toned abs and full thighs on display with every step.

"Good oppa, you're ready to go, I'm really hungry again..." She tries to get on top of you, wanting to ride you while you lie on the bed, but you have your own form of punishment for her. You pull her down next to you, the two of you facing each other side-by-side.

"Ooh this is new."

You swing one of her legs over you, allowing her to straddle you sideways. You kiss her lovingly while you torture her, your cock rubbing on her folds, giving her a taste of the pleasure she wanted.

"Come on oppa... put it in me already."

"So... I was thinking, after making me talk in opposites the whole day, I think I'll make you talk in opposites the whole night. From now on I'll treat everything as the opposite of what you say." Jisoo opens her mouth to reply, but she is forced to let out a moan instead when you grab a small but perfect breast, teasing her further while you rub your cock against her heat.

"What was that?"

"Fuck you feel so good..."

"I don't feel good? Oh no, let's try this!" You will yourself to pull away from her, replacing your shaft with your fingers, rubbing her dripping slit gently. It is pleasurable for Jisoo, but not nearly as satisfying.

"N-nooooo!" Her hips buck towards you and she tries to scoot down the bed, wanting to feel your cock again.

"Yes? You like that? Okay I'll keep using my fingers." Jisoo's eyes are wide and pleading, realizing you were serious about your "punishment".

"Come on oppa, please don't fuck me."

"Good girl..." You remove your fingers, a whimper escaping Jisoo at the sudden lack of friction. The two of you groan out loud when you finally push into her, filling her partly. You resist the urge to push fully into her, despite the hungry grasp of her walls.

"Do you like this?"

Jisoo can only nod, much to her error.

"You don't? Let me pull out then." Her leg hurriedly grips you, trying to keep you from pulling away.

"N-no, I mean yes, please pull out!" You tease both of you further, not thrusting into her deeply, only sinking into her partially before pulling away, denying both of you complete satisfaction. You watch Jisoo's face with delight, her face twisted in unsatisfied pleasure, her eyes madly begging you to go deeper, not trusting herself to say the right words. But you keep going, only thrusting into her shallowly.

"Oppa..." her voice a needy whimper.

"D-deeper-" You pull out even further on your thrust before she panics, quickly asking for the opposite. "Shallower, shallower!" You allow yourself to plunge in just that bit deeper.

"P-please oppa, pull completely out of me." You grin, knowing what the both of you want.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes widen, unsure how you're interpreting her words now.

"I-I... no?"

Jisoo can't help but cry when you bury yourself to the hilt in her. "Y-yes!"

"No?"

"N-no, I mean yes, I mean no, I mean- !" You pull out before thrusting powerfully into her again, drawing a scream from her. "Fuck!"

"Oppa please-" You pump her slowly but deeply, trying to hit the end of her depths with every thrust, leaving her speechless, your girlfriend only able to voice out loud moans of pure pleasure. You stop after another minute of deep thrusts, sinking deep into her and staying there, feeling every part of her walls clinging on to you, contracting erratically on you as both of you near orgasm.

"Tell me what you want." Your question is pointless, as Jisoo's eyes are shut tightly, still indulging in the pleasure of your thrusts. Her mouth hanging open, drool leaking down the side of her mouth. She finally opens her eyes when you repeat the question once more.

"Oppa I- I need to cum."

"Do you need to cum or not need to cum?"

"I, I, I-... don't know... ah!" You might have actually fucked Jisoo silly. You thrust one more time into her before releasing both of you from your misery.

"I'm going to make us cum now, okay?" Jisoo barely registers your words, only a slight change in her gaze acknowledging you, her mouth still hanging open, almost begging for a kiss. You wrap your arms around her, pulling her in and kissing her, your tongue darting in and out of her mouth while your cock does the same thing below. Her screams into your mouth get louder and louder, and so do your moans as your pace picks up. Your hands on her butt once more, you pull her hips towards you with a slam, as if trying to split her in two, hitting the deepest you’ve been inside her. Jisoo tears her lips away from the kiss to scream her orgasm out to the world.

The sudden extreme tightness of Jisoo's pussy sends a jolt up your spine, and you instantly climax with her, groaning against her neck, your cock unloading your second load of cum into her. The two of you release groans of pure satisfaction at the sensation of filling and being filled. She quivers in your arms, her hips meeting every buck of yours as the two of you seek to stuff her full with your thick semen. You only feel her relax her grip on your body and cock when she finally comes down from her trip to the clouds. Her eyes open, a weak smile crossing her face.

"Babe please let's never do that again."

"Why, did I fuck your brains out?" Jisoo can only manage a weak chuckle as you wipe the drool from her mouth, blushing before giving you a peck on the lips.

"Yes, it felt so good..." You hug her tightly, the two of you still connected, your limbs twining with one another. You can't help but let out a moan as she tries to nestle closer to you, her walls still massaging your semi-erect cock.

"Think you can go again?" Her fingers dance across your chest, trying to entice you.

"When it's you, probably."

"No more games okay?" She crinkles her nose, smiling cutely at you.

"No more, ride me." You roll on your back, pulling Jisoo on top of you. She hugs you, whispering dirty words to get you hard again.

"Fuck oppa, I can feel you leaking out of me, do you feel it on your cock?" Jisoo grinds you slowly, smearing your cock with a mixture of cum and juice.

"Ugh yes..."

"Come on oppa, get hard again, then put another load in me, your baby girl needs to feel full again..." You never tire of hearing the normally cute Jisoo try to seduce you like this, and it always works, your cock rising again in her. She smiles in delight and immediately begins bouncing her hips on top of you, quickly letting her urges take over.

Sweat drips down Jisoo's face, your pants in rhythm with hers as she drives herself down on you, her tender walls hugging your shaft silkily with every drop of her hips. You watch the lovely woman above you zone out, her mind fully focused on chasing her own climax, her expression frozen in one of extreme euphoria... and then with a quiver of her lips she cracks.

"Nngh yes!" With a loud exhaled moan her heat envelopes you even more tightly, her juices rushing over your cock and staining your crotch. You feel her body flex and twitch in your arms, gasping for breath as her orgasm pummels her senses. She collapses on top of you, and you gently roll her off to the side, cushioning her head with the pillow, the two of you laying side by side again.

"Y-you didn't cum?"

"I will soon." With a whimper from Jisoo you begin thrusting into her, looking right into her tired but satisfied eyes. She wraps one leg around your thigh while the other tangles around your inside leg, making sure you can't pull out, not that you would ever want to. Her breath is hot on your face, a moan escaping her with every slow thrust into her overstimulated warmth. Her hands roam your body, trying to help you to the finish line, but her voice does most of the work.

"I'm so sensitive oppa, you feel so hot and thick..." Jisoo's whimpering dirty talk set you off almost immediately.

"Oh fuck... Jisoo!" You push yourself as deep as you can before your orgasm washes over you. You can barely hear your own groan of release as Jisoo lets loose a loud moan of satisfaction, your cum coating her walls once more, filling what little empty space there is left inside her with your seed.

You make sure she feels every inch of your throbbing cock, bucking into her mindlessly with every shot of cum. You wrap her up in a passionate embrace, the two of you trembling with intimate joy. You hands go once again to her butt, grabbing and pushing yourself just that little bit deeper into her as you capture her lips, making sure you have nothing left to give her.

"I feel so full!" Jisoo whines happily as she buries herself in your chest. You make to try and pull out, but she stops you. "Don't! Let's just... stay like this for a while, please?" You hug her tighter, feeling her walls pleasurably cling on to you as begin to soften, your heartbeats no longer racing like mad.

"You made such a mess in me..." The two of you look down as you finally soften and slip out of her, two loads of white cum rushing out of her freshly-fucked folds and trailing down her thigh.

"You made me make such a mess in you." You murmur into her ear, kissing her blushing cheek.

"Let's not do the opposite game again... I can't think while you're fucking me so good."

"So do you mean let's do it again then?" You cheekily smirk at her.

"No!" She playfully hits you.

"So you mean yes? You started it at the amusement park."

"Yes yes I regret it..." She adds on her in a whisper, almost talking to herself. "Maybe not if you do that to me again..."

"I'll take that as a maybe." You kiss her on the lips before drawing the covers. The two of you drifting off to sleep, exhausted in mind and body.

A/N: I just had a really dumb idea for a “Opposite’s day” thing where you end up fucking someone silly, so I went ahead and wrote it lol. Jisoo was a perfect fit, being kinda dorky and sexy at the same time. Also I can’t get this out of my head - the front view is great, but the back is amazing.

Thank you for reading!

[faeriesuns]

Okay so I was invited to go bowling with my sister and all my nephews and my cousin's wife and her kid. Today before I was picked up I was super anxious and sad and @schizohippy helped a lot even though they were working.

I had an anxiety attack and almost cancelled but I decided to go anyways. It was fine, my anxiety just freaking out on me everytime I leave my house.

I've never really talked to my cousin's wife even though she's been in the family for over ten years lmao so I talked with her a little bit and it went fine, my brain didn't make me say something weird so I feel like I passed an inspection !!!!

I have four nephews ranging from 13 to 3, and the older boys can mostly handle themselves, and they had fun, and I and my sister helped my youngest nephew with throwing the ball and stuff. It was super cute and he kept running away from us and we had to chase him, which wasn't good and we told him to stop multiple times. But he's a toddler ya know, he's gonna do what he wants

But here's where it started going downhill (aside from the blaring lights and music so loud you could feel it and all the kids running around screaming and I have a major headache now)

One of my nephews, L, is very... combative. He lies and twists his words so he gets what he wants, he lies to my sister about what kind of stuff his dad (and her ex abuser) say about her and then turns around and does the same to his dad. He literally always picks fights and is very violent towards his brothers. He throws fits when he doesn't get what he wants, and I'm not just saying regular kid stuff, he literally screams and cries and throws himself on the floor and makes a scene until he gets what he wants

We love him no matter what but he is a very mean kid and no matter what we try he never changes. Hes 8 now.

But anyways y'all know like the um (I forgot the name) the things they can out in the sides of your bowling lane so it doesn't go in the gutters? At first he wanted that and he was super happy but then he realized he only won a game because none of his balls went in the gutter so he asked his mom to ask them to take it off and she did.

Then he played happy until he lost and then started throwing a fit. He asked his mom to go ask them to put the thingies back and she said he can go up and ask them himself, or ask one of your brothers or aunt's to do it for you. He flipped out and started screaming and crying and when my sister told him to stop it he just sat in a chair and cried the rest of the time. The other boys were trying to include him and ask if he still wanted to play and he said no, so the other boys just took turns during his turn

Them he started screaming at them that he wanted to play so they let him and then no matter what he scored everytime he just stayed crying and not gonna lie after awhile it was kinda funny because he was so dramatic

I tried to talk to him a few times but he ignored me so.

But the other boys had fun and I had one of my nephews dance with me to the music and it was fun :)

My balls kept going in the gutter lol I lost all three rounds

Anyways now I'm super tired and sick of people, I'm not leaving my house at all for a couple days.

[more-fandon-than-friends]

Missing 3

A/N:It's the third part, it plays after the first, since the second one is back Story. Any comment is appreciated!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Pairing: Past (Future👀) Prinxiety

AU:Human and Famous

Tw:Denial over feelings (Virgil doesn't wanna admit he still feels for Roman), worry, ex BFs meet again (??), Sympathic deceit(he is in Virgils band he is in one scence)

Virgil's Tour is over, for a month already. And he is fine. Totally good. Not sad over the break up and also not in denial over being sad, thank you very much. And he isn't sitting in his flat alone in the shirt he still has from Roman, no. It just happen to look like Roman's and have the faints smell of Roman's cologne on it. Just coincidences.

Virgil scrolled to Twitter, liking Fanart and all that stuff, when he got a notification. He's got an email. A TV show, acting in the Charts, asks if he would like to be part of the new Season. Acting in the Charts is a show where a famous actor and a famous musician have to write a song together. It doesn't sound to bad, especially since his band would get more exposure.

He will ask them tomorrow when they meet anyway.

"Wait, you tell me one of the biggest TV channels wrote you an Invitation and you waited to tell us first!? Virgil! Dude! Yes", his band mate, Remy, asks.

"Yeah, He's right! What are you waiting for!", his other band mate, Janus, asks.

"Well Yeah true, but what if Roman is there? We would have to see each other at the meetings where all groups come together and-", Virgil starts to worry, not that he cares about what Roman does.

"Girl, Girl, Girl. You have to chill. You can't stop your whole life cause some boy isn't with you anymore. You are gonna get out there and kill it.", Remy answers.

"Yeah and you would have so much bad luck for Roman to be casted in the same season as you.", Janus agrees.

"And what is with the whole thing that it is a TV show. International wide. Like fuck. I'm half on in a panic attacks when I don't see an interview before magazines put it up. How should I live with cameras around me twenty for seven. Like No. I can't. What if they paint a bad picture of me and the band loses everything.",Virgil says.

"Alright, I guess, that's you. But honestly, was anyone ever made look back on there? Like the show is being high praised by anyone in there. Why should they start now? By you, Virgil it would give them the bigger scandal. Since they wouldn't be trusted anymore. ", Janus answers.

"I.. I guess. But I expect you to remind me of that when I doubt cause that's the only way I can go through this.", Virgil says.

"Yeah, Girl. Sure. Also I've heard that you are a lot to see the Episodes before hand. And our manager will look over the contract anyway.", Remy adds while drinking his iced coffee.

"Alright I'll go.", Virgil finally agrees.

Today is the day. The day the show begins. And as it turns out Virgil has a lot of bad luck. Because Roman is there. And fate, or the TV people, seem to hate him, since Roman isn't just there but Virgil's partner in the show.

So here Virgil sits, his head screaming at him. Roman is here. He and Roman will spend a lot of time together. His Ex boyfriend that still looks as beautiful as the day they first met. His ex Boyfriend who still has the voice of an angel. His ex boyfriend that could make anyone fall in love with him with his smile. His ex boyfriend that Virgil is totally over. He has to be professional. It's a show for writing songs, not a dating show. He is fine. Totally fine.

Roman isn't much calmer. In the morning he thought it's gonna be good to get the focus of Virgil and him, in the media and his own head, but no. Here Virgil sits biting his lip and looking as cute as always. How is Virgil daring to be so adorable and expect Roman to function probably? There is no use in denying it, he isn't over Virgil and now has to work with him.

Part of him is excited, what a percent Lovestory could make this. But another part of him isn't so happy. He wanted to force Virgil to do something  he didn't want to do, simply cause Roman was excited and thought that red carpet is needed for a relationship, what he did was bad. And then there is a small part of him that's angry. How is Virgil okay with being on camera but not red carpet?

But at most he is surprised and utterly and fully in love with Virgil.

"Alright, All pairs get in your rooms and first just get to know each other!", the host of the show says and gets both boys out of there heads.

And all pairs went to different rooms, names standing at the door.

Virgil and Roman come in a room with a camera man and Microphone  man. The room has a couch with a table, a desk with two chairs, on the desk pencils and paper and multiple music instruments.

Both sit down ont he couch, at the different endings. "So do you know how to read music notes?", Virgil asks as if he doesn't know Roman can't. He is asking it so the viewers can follow, not cause he doesn't want to talk about their shared past, no that's totally not the reason.

"I can't. But can't you write it down for me?", Roman answers as if he doesn't know that Virgil just has to hum something and knows then what it is. He wouldn't have a problem with talking about it, but Virgil seems uncomfortable discussing their past so he will let's it be for now.

"Yeah, I can do that. So.. Uhm..Do you know any instruments?", Virgil asks not repressing memories that answer that question, cause he is over Roman.

"I've played piano, cause of one the movies iw a sin as a kid and kept it going before I didn't have time anymore", Roman answers with a slight smile.

"Ah. Cool.", Virgil says while looking in Roman's eyes, for just a second, but it's enough for Virgil to notice he can't lie to himself forever.

[defschoice]

The Foreigner Part 1

Characters Got7, Stray Kids and Reader/fictional character

Genre: adoption, kidnapping, family reunion,

Words: 3255

Summary: One day she gets kidnapped and taken to South Korea and when she wakes up she's in a big room that looks like a dance practice room which it also is and it's located at the company called JYP. She's been stuck there for a few hours over night when a bunch of boys comes in to practice and finds her when they start to speak to her they find out she doesn't speak Korean that well so they can't communicate with her in any way until they find out that she's very similar to one of the boys but still different in a way

Crystal's POV

It's was now Monday the 21th of July and I have now been in this room for 20 hours without any food or drinks or anything. I don't even know what kind of place this is or where in the world I am.

I was sitting thinking to myself about how I could get out or when there would maybe come some when I heard footsteps and voices. It sounded like a bunch of male voices which I'm not a fan of at all.

As I crawled down to the nearest corner of the room the door opened and it stormed in with boys and the light also got turned on which hurt my eyes at first.

When they saw me all their talk stopped and they just stood there and looked at me.

"Hey, little one. What are you doing here?" He said but I didn't understand a word of what he was saying.

"Aish! I don't think she understands what you're saying Mark" a tall man with a brown mullet said.

"Try and let Jackson or Jinyoung speak to her, maybe she understands them" the mullet man continued to say.

The others stepped away when a semi-tall man came over and sat down in my level as he started to speak a language I actually understand.

"Hey how are you?" He asked and I slowly started to losen up a bit because of how soft his voice is.

"I'm afraid" I said to him as he took his arms around me.

"Do you understand me if I speak English to you?" He asked as he took a piece of hair behind my ear

"A little bit" I said as he nodded his head.

He stood and walked over to other boys.

"So what did you talk about with her?" A very tall man asked him as he looked at me.

"Well seems to be that she doesn't really speak but she understands a little Korean" The boy with glasses said to all of them as they nodded their heads.

"So if we s say something to her she won't reply with words? The tall boy asked.

"Basically yes unless we learn her some Korean." The The boy in glasses said as he looked at me.

As I sat there in the corner another of them came up to me and he was kinda pretty for a man being.

As he came closer I became more closer to him I ran up to The boy in glasses and hugged him tight as he took me up in his arms.

"Maybe we should introduce ourselves so you know our names. Wouldn't that be a good idea?" He asked me as I nodded my head and hurried it in his neck.

"Well I'm Bambam and I speak Thai sometimes" he said as I nodded.

"Hi, I'm Jinyoung"

"Hi, I'm Yugyeom"

"Hi, I'm Jaebum"

"Hello, I'm Jackson"

"Yo, I'm Youngjae"

"Hey, I'm Mark"

They all said one by one.

As I was sat in Jinyoung's lap he looked at me.

"What's your name sweetie?" He asked looking at me.

"3276" I said showing him my arm with the numbers on.

Jinyoung looked worried at the other boys and then at me "Sweetie, don't you have a real name?" He said as I just looked up at him with big tears eyes.

I just nodded my head as a no.

Crystal's pov

The boys looked worried at me when I nodded my head as a no. I hate attention especially when it's all on me and nothing else. I could feel how my eyes started to tear up as I thought of everything that had happened and my parents so I just yelled out "mummy!" As I hide in Jinyoung and started crying softly.

"Awe sweetie, I'm right here okay? I'm gonna protect you" he said as I started to calm more down while the boys just awed.

Soon after I was carried over to a couch as they all were starring me which I didn't like as I mentioned earlier.

"We're gonna have to do some dance practice now, so you can just sit here and watch us, for the time being, is that okay?" Jinyoung asked as I nodded my head and they started dancing.

A few hours later

Darkness. That's all I can see. Not again. Did the boys kick me out or throw me back to the bad guys? Please don't! Not that place again. 

There's nothing I can hear. It's all quiet. Suddenly footsteps are coming towards me, ripping the darkness away from me. Looking at it, I all this time had a back over my head. Where the hell am I?! 

"Well hello, sleeping beauty. Did you have a nice nap?" The man in front of me asked. I just sat shocked to answer him. Big mistake. Next, I knew was pain on my cheek. Where're the nice boys when I need them? 

"Answer me, you little brat!" He yelled at me. I jumped in fear, causing him to smirk. Pain from my side always made him happy. A sick kind of happiness. Remember only for eomma. 

"Y-yes, s-sir" I answered in fear.

Smirking he walked over to the dark side of the room. What does he even want from me anyway? I have nothing. I'm only here for eomma so she doesn't get the pain and has to suffer more. 

Turning all the lights on, he revealed a woman. Tied up, just like me. Please don't be eomma! 

"You see, 3276 I know I have never been able to break you. Yet. Do you know who I found walking around in the streets yelling your name? Your very own mother" He said ripping the bag away from her head too. No! Not her! He already killed appa. Not eomma too! 

"Eomma!!" I screamed with tears in my eyes. She locked eyes with me. Crying too. 

"You see 3276. She is going to suffer too. All because of you. I hate to do this to you. Wait, no. I don't. I know this is the only way to break you from the inside." He craped ommas neck hard caursing her to gasp for air.

"If your omma didn't fall in love with your coward of an appa. We wouldn't be here" He started. Punching omma in the face. Leaving a bloody nose. "YOU COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAUGHTER!!" He screamed, making both omma and me jump in fear. "But no! She chose Nick, you asshole of an appa!" Yelling again he begin to beat her up. Being more and more violent. Until I screamed he would never be my appa. That was the last drop he needed. He pulled out a gun shooting omma multiple times all over her body. 

"EOMMA!!" I screamed, looking in the eyes of Jinyoung. Crying my eyes out I jumped down from the couch and in his arms. Holding tight onto him. 

Jinyoungs POV

I don't know how long we had been practising but suddenly I heard small cries coming from the couch. I stopped the music and made my way to her. Is she okay was the only thing I could think of. When I saw her I immediately yelled the boys over. How the hell do we wake her? We started to yell her name. Nothing. Shaking her she sat up bright and screamed omma. We locked eyes and she soon was in my arms. Holding onto me like I was going to dissapair in front of her. I hold her tight. Calming her down. What did she go through to have this bad of a nightmare? 

Jinyoung's POV

I looked up at the other boys as they all looked worried about what just happened. I hugged her tight as I could feel how she was crying and shaking.

"Guys I think we should end practice for today and just get home" I said with a sad and serious look on my face.

As we were walking down the hallways of the jyp building, Stray Kids came walking towards us.

"Are you guys done with practice?" Chan asked us. 

"Yes we are, you can use it now if you want to" Jaebeom replied looking quick over at the girl and back to Chan again.

"Great thanks, mates" Chan said as he did the bro hug with Jaebeom.

Right before he left to be with the rest of SKZ he looked at me with a questioning look on his face.

"Who's that little princess?" He said as he lightly giggled at bit.

"I'll explain it you later bro" Bam said as Chan just nodded his head and went into to practice with the others.

A few hours later

Jaebeom's POV

As we arrived at our dorm, we all went over to the couch and sit with Jinyoung and the girl.

"How about you tell us a bit about yourself?" Mark asked with his soft voice. She slowly nodded her head as she was clinging on to Jinyoung after from what happened.

"I'm 10, idk my name, I have no family and I like music" She said with a cute little voice.

"We are your family now if you want to live with us?" Youngjae said as he smiled at her. She nodded her head and slowly got up from Jinyoung's chest and now just sat on his lap.

"What of kind of artist do you listen to?" Jackson asked her calmly.

"I really like listening to NCT, I think they have a really cool style in music" She said as she suddenly lighted more up in her mood and became more relaxed around us.

"Nice, do you have a favourite in the group?" I asked her whilst smiling at her.

"Yes, I really like Taeyong he's so cool and especially with his rapping" She said as she got all excited about it.

"How cute!" Yugyeom said as he laughed a little bit.

As we all started to clean up around the house, she came up to me and looked at me.

"Jaebeom oppa, when can I get a name like you guys?" I looked down at her big brown eyes who shined like diamonds and crystals as i lifted her up on the kitchen table to sit.

"What do you want to be called?" I asked her as she shrug her shoulders "I don't know, can't you choose something?" She asked looking tired.

"Sure I can. What do you say about we call you Crystal?" I asked where and her eyes lit up like stars in the night sky.

"I love it Jaebeom oppa, thank you!" She said as she hugged me quick and let go again.

"Where's Jinyoung?" She asked suddenly going back to being terrified as she grabbed on to my hand tight.

"I think he's in his room, come here let's go into him" I said to her as I lifted her up in my arms and placed her on my hips as she immediately gripped tight onto me like something was gonna happen.

"It's okay I'm right here, nothing is going to happen to you" I said trying to calm her down as we reacted Jinyoung's room.

"Jinyoung, there's someone here who wants you" I said when Jinyoung came up to take a tired and scared Crystal in his arms.

Jinyoung's POV

After Jabeom left I placed her on my bed and started to change into my pyjamas.

"Jaebeom has given me the name Crystal" She said shy.

I looked at her in awe.

"How nice, do you want him to be your dad?" I asked as she slowly nodded her head while she quick said "Pls don't hurt me for choosing him" I sat down beside her when she flinched a but.

"Crystal, look at me. I'm not going too hurt you, I would never do that. It's great that you find trust in him. I'm the mum of this group anyway, so you don't need to worry and if anyone ever hurts you, then we will take care of it" I said as she hugged me tight and stared crying as I tried to calm her down till we eventually fell asleep both us. 

Next day...

Jinyoung's POV

I looked around in my room as I realised what happened yesterday and found a sleeping Crystal in my arms. I sat up and let her sleep as I went out in the kitchen and started cooking breakfast for the boys.

Soon the the kitchen was filled boys who clearly where hungry for the food.

"Hyung, this smells delicious!" Yugyeom said as he sat down at the table together with Bambam and followed by the rest of the boys except from Jaebeom who hasn't come out yet.

"Hey Jackson have you seen JB?" I asked looking at him as he just shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"Last time I saw him he went into your room to check on Crystal I think" He said as he filled his mouth with Rice.

Sooner than later JB came out in the kitchen with Crystal half asleep in his arms as he sat down at the table.

"Hey princess, did you sleep well?" I asked as I walked over to her taking her up in my arms so JB could eat.

She just nodded her head as she rubbed her eyes "Mmmm" she just said yawning a little bit while she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Hey Youngjae, could you and the other boys watch her for me and JB as we have some stuff we need to do" I asked winking at JB as he choked a bit on his rice.

"Sure Hyung, We can take her to the park. What do you say to that Crystal?" He asked as she just nodded her head slowly.

This is going to be interesting as she doesn't really speak to other than me and JB, but I can feel that she will connect fast with Youngjae.

Youngjae's POV

Me and boys decided to take Crystal to the park so we or she wouldn't disturbe JB and Jinyoung hyung.

"Crystal, don't want to go play with some of the other kids at the playground?" I asked her as she just nodded her head as a no.

Until Jackson got up and said "Come princess, I'll go with you" He said clearly more excited about this than Crystal but she agreed with going along with him in the end.

Before they left Mark yelled to Jackson "Yo Jackson you better not loose her, okay? Keep an eye on her and stay close to her" Jackson just nodded his head not really carrying about what Mark said I think.

Jackson's POV

As we walked to the playground I looked down at Crystal as she looked up at me.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked her as she pointed to the swings and we went over there. As we got closer and I started swinging her I noticed a really pretty girl like omg she is breathtaking. I looked at Crystal as I said.

"Sweetie, uncle need to go for a short time. I'll be back again soon I promise but you need to stay here okay?" I said as she nodded her head and continued to swing by herself.

15 minutes later...

As I went back to the swings where I left Crystal she was gone... shit the boys are going to kill me when they find out. I started looking for by slowly calling her name so the boys wouldn't notice that i literally just lost her until Mark came over and tapped my shoulder as i flinched a bit of nervousness.

"Hey Jackson, how's it going?" He asked smiling but I knew that smile and it wasn't a good one it was the I know you did something wrong but I'm trying to kill you right now smile.

"It's going great hyung don't worry" I said trying to play it a bit cool.

"Great then where is she?" He asked putting his arm on my shoulder.

"We're playing hide and seek so I can't tell you" I said trying to come up with a lie hoping he wouldn't find out the truth.

"Why don't you just tell me that you lost her instead of this?" He said looking straight at me.

"Fine... I got distracted and when I came back she was gone. I'm sorry" I said looking down at the ground.

"I'm disappointed in you cuz you didn't listen to me as I said but let's find her before it gets dark, wait here and I'll tell the other boys.

Crystal's POV

As I sat on the swing waiting for uncle Jackson to come back I saw a butterfly, it was so beautiful so I had to follow it not watching where I was walking or in which direction when suddenly i was lost and couldn't find back to where uncle Jackson and the others where.

I got really scared as I'm not used to be myself in a place i don't really know. I tripped over something and started to get an anxiety attack as to boys was walking up to me which made me even more scared.

Felix's POV

As me and Han were walking a little late night walk along Han River we saw a little girl who was sitting on the grass crying so we walked up to her but she started to flinch and get even more scared.

"Hey calm down we're not trying to hurt you, we just want to help you" I said as she looked up at us for the first time.

I took her up on my lap as we sat on a bench when Han whispered to me "Yo Felix doesn't she look a bit like Changbin?"

I looked at her once again and saw it a little bit but not much.

"What's your name?" I asked her while trying not to sound too scary with my deep voice.

"C-Crystal" she said sounding very shy and scared.

I looked at her trying to calm her down.

"Nice. My name is Felix and that is my friend Han Jisung" I said as she bowed shortly at him and he bowed back.

"What are you doing out here alone? Where's your parents?" I asked her as she became even more silent.

"I was with uncle Jackson at the swings and then I got distracted by something and got lost" she said as something hit me when she said Jackson

"Jackson as in Jackson Wang from GOT7?" I asked her as she just shrugged her shoulders.

"I just want JB appa and Jinyoung eomma" she said as she started crying into my chest.

"We know your appa and eomma" I said to her as she lifted her head once again.

"You do?" She said sniffling.

"Yeah they're in the same company as us, we talk to them a lot" I said as she calmed a lot more than she's ever been this whole time.

"Let's take you with us back to our dorm as it's getting late, okay?" I said as she nodded her head yawning a bit as I lifted her up and we started walking towards the dorm.

We sooner than later arrived at the dorm and as soon as we went in Changbin widened his eyes as soon as he saw her.

"Yoona???" Changbin said shocked...

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

G U Y S

I know I cry a lot about Max, Nikki, and Neil but can I just say that I live for their dynamic? And imma just throw a lot of observations about them here and this may get incoherent but whatever?

1.) They're actually pretty touchy-feely with each other and god I never noticed until recently but like??? They a r e??? Like Neil putting his hand on Max's back in Jermy Fartz. Like how Max grabbed Nikki's hand and d r a g g e d her away from the danger in Night Of The Living Ill. Or how Nikki just kinda clung to Neil when she was sick in the episode Into Town. Or how Nikki grabbed the boys into a hug in the Christmas Special. Even as early as the first episode they were grabbing each other and Max put his arms around the other's shoulders to guide them away. I know a lot of us are like "they aren't really the publicly clingy or affectionate types" but the thing is that they really kinda are. We don't always see it because it's not called attention to all that often but next time you watch an episode that's heavily trio centred count how many times they touch each other casually and you'll see what I mean. For example, I counted four casual grabs and touches in Spooky Island. Which doesn't seem like much. Until you remember the fact that this is a ten minute episode, and that's a touch every 2.5 minutes on average. Which IS a lot. Not to mention how damn close they were. There were quite a few moments where I fully expected them to grab each other or something because they were just completely invading one another's personal space.

Look how close they stand to one another. Compare this to normal conversation distance

When in a conversation generally your attention is locked onto the other person. Generally you'll stand closer to someone if you're talking to them than if you're not. Yet the two images I showed you before are of Max, Nikki, and Neil NOT talking or even really acknowleging one another. Compare that to the screenshot of Nikki actually engaged in conversation with Jasper.

If you thought maybe the former three images were just a perspective issue or something...no. Max, Nikki, and Neil genuinely do stand abnormally close. Look at this picture where Max and Nikki have literally no reason to leave a huge gap from Jasper yet they still do.

And when I said they disreguarded personal space I don't even mean standing this strangely close to each other?!? I mean like when Nikki threw herself two inches away from Max to the point where he jumped back a little. I mean like when Max pointed at Neil and Neil had to move his body a little because he was startled by how close it was. I mean like when Nikki leaned across Neil to jab her finger in Max's personal space, effectively getting abnormally touchy with both of them at the same time. Note that all these observations are from ONE EPISODE that's only ten minutes long! Imagine everything that could be observed if I went out of my way to check how touchy they were in every episode? This is especially impressive if we look at who we're talking about. Max is the type to reject touching from people. He's brushed off or shoved away other's who try to touch him multiple times. But not these two.

2.) Max is a l o t softer with Nikki and Neil than with anyone else. Again, let's take Spooky Island for example. When they discover the torture chamber, Max has absolutely no issues whatsoever telling Jasper the fuck off. He taunted Jasper, who was clearly frightened, going "Oh no! We have to find ghosts and monsters! Remember?!?" And keep in mind he was mocking and yelling here. Then Neil interjects and you know what? Max's tone actually softens. Yeah he still tells Neil that he's wrong. But Max isn't nearly as hostile. He sure as hell didn't mock or taunt Neil. And what's more? Max didn't say one word to Nikki. Yeah when he first walked in he started to tease her but as soon as she made it clear that she was frightened he just completely stopped and turned his attention onto Jasper. And you can see this in a l o t of episodes, not just this one. Max is still a jerk with Nikki and Neil but he doesn't cross the line. He doesn't yell for too long. Max...he doesn't want to hurt them. He doesn't want to see them fail. He doesn't want them angry or god forbid sad. Max may hurt them sometimes but he doesn't fuck with them just for the sake of upsetting them. And especially in early seasons, that's more than can be said for anyone else because he does go out of his way to torment the other's and he's never been as openly apologetic for anything in his life than for the few times he has upset Nikki and Neil. It's also worth noting that Neil is more gentle with Nikki than other's. For example he expects her to ruin his experiments and just gets kinda salty about it after but he clearly forgives her? Max and Neil also forgave her when she betrayed them for Ered in Camp Cool Kidz. Like..immediately. With no bargaining. They were back to hanging out together instantly before Nikki even apologized.

3.) They're always together. I think I made a separate post about this? But it's the truth. They eat together. They sleep in the same tent (actually I'm not sure? Max said in episode 1 "I'll show you to our tent" and they have no issues sneaking out together all the time in the middle of the night- note that they don't all have that much access to technology so coming up with a time to meet up may be hard- implying that Nikki sleeps with them? And there are only two 'beds' I think but doubling up doesn't seem that unlikely for these three? So until proven otherwise I'm assuming they sleep in the same tent). They have DAILY adventures together. Like scheduled. Like they gotta spend it together. In Eggs Benefits Max wanted nothing to do with the adventure yet he followed Nikki and Neil anyway and spent the whole day letting Nikki drag him around despite whining the whole time. In Spooky island both Nikki and Neil want to leave at different points of the episode but they continue to follow Max anyway. These three really do just stick together all the time and maybe they've been branching off a bit more lately but they still spend a hell of a lot of time together? Like most of their time if I'm not mistaken?

4.) Nikki and Neil are...really protective over Max? Like I'm sorry but did you guys see the Foreign Exchange Campers episode? The moment Max decided to team up with someone else they flipped their shit. I mean, Max literally told them it was just so he could win. It was clear he wasn't actually choosing the other campers over Nikki and Neil? Like it's obvious they were still friends? Yet we still got lines like "What about us? We're kinda a thing!", "We dont need you anyway Max! And even if we did, we're just going to pretend we don't in the hopes that you'll be jealous and we won't feel as sad!", "I just can't believe he would ditch us! After all our adventures?!?", and "He looks so happy! At least he's found someone who can make him smile" like, god, they treat this like a breakup or something when Max just wanted to win the contest. Like they knew it wasn't personal. They knew he was just being a jerk and he didn't like the Foreign kids more than them. Yet look at this.

Look at these creeps watching him from the bushes instead of competing!

They were so volatile too? They called Brian "Kim-Chi" despite knowing damn well that Nurf wasn't calling him the right name. Nikki literally yelled "Shut up commie" at Vera. I believe Neil outright told them point blank "Max is OUR friend and you can't have him!".

This isn't the only example of them being defensive about Max (almost to a fault) but it's the biggest one off the top of my head.

5.) They l o v e each other. Nikki saying "You know what else I love about Christmas? You guys (Max and Neil)" or Neil saying "We were so afraid of foreigners taking what we love (Max) that we.." , etc. Like??? They're so very sweet? They really love each other guys and I'm screaming because they're so good? And Max hasn't outright said he loves them but god, we know he does. Like how he "didn't do this camp campbell" but "for you guys (Nikki and Neil)" when he pulled off this difficult convoluted scheme to get the camp back. They love and care about and support one another even with all their issues and it's just so good? And the trio's overall relationship is ignored way too much. Can we just..please..talk about them more? As a trio? Please?

[larryssunflower]

TRR AU- The Non-Royal Romance, part five

 read past parts to catch up!

part one   part two    part three    part four

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 Alana’s pov. 

Following the events of the beach party and boat race, we officially start the royal tour of Cordonia. Of course, the first stop is Lythikos, the harsh snow kingdom in the mountains. We arrive at the snowy landscape after a short drive. Maxwell and I are riding together, talking and laughing the whole time. “Are you ready to ski?” Maxwell asks, excitement evident in his voice. I grin, looking briefly out the window at the large mountains around us, a feeling of nostalgia washing over me. “I don't know, are you ready to get your ass kicked?” I ask cheekily, making him roll his eyes. “Keep talking princess, but we both know you're just going to embarrass yourself,” He says, making me scoff, punching his shoulder. He just laughs and we continue to joke around until we pull up at the lavish wooden manor. 

We thank and tip the Lythikos servants who take all our bags, allowing us to instantly go out skating on the large frozen over lake. It's just me and max on the ice for a bit. I take long strides on the ice, twirling around. I finally feel like I can breathe like I'm not being suffocated. Then I look up, watching as black cars pull up, suitors spilling out, headed straight to the ice rink. Great.  I glance over and see Drake standing by the lake, watching the suitors as they try their best at skating. He brings his hand up to his earpiece, pressing it and talking into it. I wonder who he is always talking to. 

I feel a hand on my elbow and I turn to see Liam smiling at me. “Would you like to skate with me, Your Majesty?” He asks, extending his hand graciously. “Of course Liam,” I say kindly, taking his hand. We skate slowly on the ice. “It's so beautiful here,” He comments, and I nod. “I feel like we never have any alone time,” Liam says softly in my ear, and my cheeks flush. “Well, I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” I laugh lightly, biting my lip. As usual, my eyes have a mind of their own, and they flash over to where Drake is standing, watching us. “I hope I’m not being to forward,” Liams says, furrowing his brows and slowing down. I shake my head as if doing that would rid the thoughts of DRake and look at Liam. “Of course not,” I grin and we continue to have a nice conversation as we make our way around the lake.

We are abruptly interrupted by a handsome suitor with red hair that is stark contrast with the pale surroundings. “Do you mind if I have a moment with the princess?” He asks Liam in a cool voice, who just nods, before kissing my cheek then taking his leave. “Princess Alana, we haven't really had a chance to talk before, I’m Oliver Nevrakis, the Duke of this chateau,” He says as he extends his elbow to me. I smile, looping my hand into it. “Oh, it's very nice to finally get alone time with you, Oliver. Your estate is beautiful, thank you so much for having us,” I say, and he smiles. “Thank you. I just hope I’m better company than that boring Valtorian,” He says, a bit of disgust laced in his voice. I’m taken aback for a moment. “Oh, I don't know if I can compare you two. From what I have seen, you both seem to be lovely men,” I say, making him smirk. “I won’t tell him I’m your favorite don't worry,” He winks, before skating away, leaving me dumbfounded.

That was definitely something. My eyes find Drake, again, who is staring at Oliver with a steely glare. His eyes then flick to me, looking at me for a moment before looking away, scanning the frozen lake. The other day at the beach he was being so different, almost vulnerable. He’s barely even showing emotion around me now. Did I make a mistake asking him to put on my sunscreen? Was that too forward?

Maxwell’s voice breaks my thoughts. “Ready to ski now?” He asks, a mischievous grin on his face. “Yes! please let's go,” I say with relief, following as he leaves the lake, hoping to rid my mind of my thoughts of Drake.

---

About ten minutes later, we’re at the top of the ski track, the suitors coming up to follow us. It's like I can't escape them. Maxwell and I line up, then yell “go!” and take off together, speeding down the side of the mountain. The thought of speeding away from all those royal men thrills me and I shriek with happiness, adrenaline pumping within me. I speed up rapidly, swerving between and around the slower skiers. Almost a lifetime of lessons has treated me well. I’m way ahead of Maxwell but I glance back anyway, trying to see him. He slows down and shouts at me. “Alana! Look out!” He screams, and I look forward and yelp at the incoming branch laying haphazardly in the middle of the ski trail. Without time to swerve, I crouch and leap over it, landing and slowing down, turning my skis to the left.

The momentum makes me tumble through the powdery snow, cringing as I roll, knowing I’m going to get bruises because of this. I finally stop, and lay down looking up at the sky, breathing heavily. I’m definitely at the bottom of the slope, as I'm flat on my back.  I hear shouts as Maxwell speeds down to me. It’s not his voice that I hear right above me when I open my eyes. “Are you out of your mind?” Drake asks angrily, glaring down at me. “W-What?” I say quietly, and he huffs, offering his hand to me. I take it and with his help, stand up, sliding in place momentarily in my skis. “You could have died. Or got seriously injured! What were you thinking?” He asks, his eyebrows drawn together. I’m taken aback for a minute, quietly clicking out of my skis. “Well I was just racing with Maxwell and-“ “- just don’t do it again. Use your brains for once Princess! How am I supposed to protect you if you are so careless?” He asks, genuinely angry.

I can't even find the words to respond, I just stand there, embarrassment bubbling up within me. “Hell Yeah! I had no idea you were so badass!” Maxwell shouts as he skis up to us. “Don't encourage her,” Drake snaps, making maxwell’s grin fade quickly. He brings his lips tightly together, trying not to laugh, as he looks away quickly. Drake rolls his eyes at this, turning back to me. “You’re expected inside,” He says, his gaze stone cold. I finally manage to find my voice. “Alright. I’ll be right there,” I say, and he nods, turning and heading to the large manor. 

When Drake is far enough away, Maxwell breaks into laughter. I whirl around to him. 

“What is so funny?”

“Nothing!”

--Later that night--

Maxwell and I are sitting by the fireplace downstairs, drinking hot chocolate and talking. Drake is standing near us silently. We’re still a bit tense after earlier. I clearly made him furious. It must be annoying when the person you are supposed to protect is being reckless. My limbs ache from the fall, but it could be worse.

Maxwell and I are interrupted when someone saunters into the room. “Well, if it isn't the lovely princess and her squires,” Oliver says cooly, leaning against the doorframe. “Excuse me?” I say, raising an eyebrow. “Well, I mean no offense, your highness, it's just that your friends here don't even measure up to you. I honestly don't know why you bother hanging out with them.” He says as he picks at his nails, his icy blue eyes darting up, hungry for my answer. 

“Well, Maxwell is my good friend and frankly I don't care what you think of him, because he is the kindest person I believe I have ever met. And Mr. Walker is my loyal bodyguard who has saved me multiple times. So yes, I do ‘bother’ to hang out with them and take great offense when you say they are beneath me,” I say sternly. Oliver just smirks, his eyes moving to Drake. “Mr. Walker huh? I don’t think I have ever heard someone call you that,” He says, cocking his head to the side, regarding him with a strange familiarity.

I look over at Drake, who is staring back at Oliver, his jaw clenched in anger. “Do you know each other...?” I ask slowly, and Oliver's smirk grows. “Why don't you answer her Drakie? I’m sure she dying to know,” He says, clearly enjoying this. Drake doesn't say anything, still glaring at Oliver. “Okay, I'll go then,” Oliver says, clearing his throat. “Well, about seven months ago, I met his darling younger sister. Mmm, I can still remember how eager she used to be. So excited to be dating the great Oliver Nevrakis,” He says slowly, watching us for our reaction. I glance over at Drake, a sick feeling in my stomach. He has a sister? And she dated Oliver?

I didn't know it was possible, but somehow Drake looks angrier than before. “Oh and don't even get me started on her petite, tight body-” “-Shut the hell up. You have no right to speak about her that way,” Drake cuts him off, somehow not shouting, his voice frighteningly calm yet forceful. 

Oliver is clearly pleased that he got Drake to react, and his smirk seems to grow, unfazed by Drake’s outburst. I look over at Drake worriedly. He glances over at me, his eyes softening as they meet mine. “You know what?” He says, turning to Oliver. “I remember that I have somewhere I have to be,” He says, glancing at the three of us briefly, “If you will excuse me,” Drake says, turning and heading for the door. “Aw Drake I was just getting started!” Oliver calls out, but I stand up, anger bubbling up within me. “Stop acting like a child Oliver! If you ever treat Drake like that again, I will slap that smirk right off your pathetic face.” I burst out angrily, taking Oliver aback. Drake hesitates at the door, glancing at me, before going out. The storm suddenly rumbles above us, the sky turning dark blue.

“I’m going after him,” I say, grabbing my coat and scarf from the side of the couch. “Are you sure that's a good idea?” Maxwell asks, and I shrug. “No. But I need to see him. I’ll be back,” I say, quickly heading towards the door. “Head back soon! It looks like a blizzard is coming!” Maxwell calls to me, and I nod absentmindedly, opening the door and rushing out into the snow, following Drake’s figure.

-

He stops in a clearing, looking up at the evening sky. “Drake?” I call out. His shoulders slump and he turns to me. “Of course you followed me out,” He says, almost amused at my lack for judgment. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. Oliver was being pretty rough back there,” I say, and Drake nods, sighing. “Yeah, well that's expected. He and I, we don't really get along,” Drake mutters and I nod, looking down. 

“Why come out here?” I ask, and he turns to me. “Do you trust me?” He asks, and I nod. “How could I not trust my bodyguard?” I say, and he then shoves me. I stumble and fall back onto the snow in surprise. “What the f- oh,” I say softly as I look up at the beautiful sky, meteors flying across the clear sky. Drake flops down beside me. “Yeah you can't miss something like this,” He says, a smile on his face. I look at him for a moment. His warm tan face mixed with red cheeks contrast beautifully with the powdery snow surrounding him. He must sense me looking and he turns his head. His dark eyes bore into mine, and my stomach does about 24 backflips. I look away quickly, clearing my throat. “so- uh you have a sister?” I ask, my heart suddenly quickening, so loud he must hear it. “Yeah. Savannah.” He says, his voice soft. 

“Is it rude to ask what happened to her?” I ask, and he sighs. “No, it's alright. I actually used to work as minimal security here when the Nevrakis family hosted events. Savannah was always in love with the courtly life and would beg me to let her go to the parties. Then one time, I actually let her go,” He says with a shaky breath, shaking his head at himself. “She got a pretty dress and was super excited. I watched as she danced happily with some of the noblemen...Then she met Oliver. She instantly liked him and was gushing about him for weeks. They started dating, no matter how much I objected. I knew he wasn't a good guy and it killed me that she decided to fall for that snake. About four months ago, at one of the largest parties of the season, she went off to talk to him. I have no idea what about, but I remember seeing her rush out, sobbing. She left without telling anyone where she was going. She didn’t even tell me,” Drake says, his tone vulnerable. “We haven’t seen her since and many people think she fled the country,” He says quietly, and my heart breaks for him. 

We sit there for a moment, the only sound being the rustle if the trees and occasional cricket. Drake doesn't speak, and I assume that he doesn't want to talk anymore. Which is understandable. “I'm so sorry Drake, that must be really hard. I wish I could have been there. To be a friend to her,” I say, and he nods silently, and I notice his Adam’s apple bob up and down. 

We sit there in comfortable silence, watching the meteor shower above us. I try to ignore that our hands are about an inch apart, so close yet so far. Soon, clouds start to move in, and I sigh. “I think we should go back before we get caught in the blizzard,” I say regretfully. “Yeah I’m sure if the princess was found frozen with her bodyguard it would be quite the scandal,” He says as he gets up, making me snort. He offers his hand to me to help me back up. “Thanks for following me Princess,” He says and I smile. “Of course,” I say, and we start back to the manor. We clearly miscalculated the timing of the storm, and it comes in much quicker than we thought. The wind is strong, snow whirling around us.  I blindly reach for Drakes' hand as we trudge through the storm. Drake looks over at me in surprise. “For uh- safety!” I shout, and he nods. “For safety, yeah!” He shouts back, and as he faces forward I swear I see a smile on his face. 

---

The next day, right before the ball :

I scrunch up my face as I look at my reflection, adjusting my slinky silver gown, It's beautiful, but hangs a bit strange on my hips. but hey, what can you do? I just shrug, wrapping my white faux fur around my elbows. The knock at my door makes me jump, and I turn around. “Come in,” I say, and the dark wood door opens, and Drake walks in, freezing when his eyes land on me. I feel self-conscious as his eyes glance over my outfit, his cheeks red. His warm brown eyes that I adore so much finally find mine and I smile sheepishly. “Do I look alright?” I ask, adjusting my dress nervously. He shakes his head slightly, “You look per-” He stops himself suddenly, clearing his throat and looking back at me with that distanced expression that I hate so much. “They are ready for you downstairs Princess,” He says. I nod, smiling lightly, disappointment washing over me. “Of course. Thank you, Drake,” I say, walking past him, out the door. I hear him closing and locking my door, then following me from a distance. “For safety reasons, I would prefer it if you were nearer to me tonight. I don't know if I trust Oliver,” I say, bitterness in my voice as I reference last night. 

Holding his hand was like an addict just getting a taste of their favorite drug again. Satisfies for the moment, but isn't enough to fully stop the craving. The need. After feeling his warm hands when he caught me on the boat, when he applied the lotion over my back, and last night when they were clutched to mine, I can't get enough. I want to feel all of him. To feel his lips on mine. To feel him hug me back, embrace me. but that will never happen. Drake follows my request, walking close by me. “thank you,” I murmur.  We reach the decadent doors of the ballroom, and stop in front of them, taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself. The herald announces my name, “And finally, The Princess Of Cordonia, Alana Rhys!” I put on my dazzling smile and the doors open. 

Tonight should be interesting. 

-----

Yay! Okay back on this series due to some demand! Thank you again to all of you who have supported me recently and complimented my writing! It's crazy, it feels so crazy writing this again, it has been over a year, and I have definitely changed a lot but my love for this story has not! I’m glad that there are people who enjoy my writing and this little series I decided to make. I have always loved writing and I'm so glad I can share with you guys! Thank you all for inspiring me to keep on writing. I'll try my best to have the next chapter out soon! Love you all <3

[timeoverload]

Goddamnit fuck this week. I had a psychotic episode on Thursday at work and yelled at multiple people, including my coordinator. A doctor was pissed off which sent everyone into a panic and the tech came in and started freaking out on me and that triggered me so it just turned into a screaming match. Then, I stormed out of my department dramatically and ran downstairs to my coordinator's office and started yelling at her but I'm pretty sure I was totally incoherent because I don't even remember everything I said. I didn't immediately realize all of the higher-ups were in there because I had tunnel vision and I was shaking and I couldn't control myself and then I snapped out of it and ran away. I tried to apologize to everyone but I'm still humiliated. When I talked to my coordinator, I had to tell her what's wrong with me and now it seems like she's afraid of me even though she said she understood. I think maybe she was just in shock because I'm rarely like that in public and I always try to be nice otherwise. I didn't want everyone to know I'm a fucking lunatic and I feel like I've been having more episodes lately. I try my best to hide my illness from people but I snapped and it was totally irrational for me to get that upset. I've never done anything that extreme in the time I've been there so I'm dreading going back on Monday. I had been wanting to take a break from my medication for a while to see if I would be ok because I hate relying on it and it's bad for my liver but apparently I have to increase the dosage instead. I guess I'm probably tired and burned out because things haven't slowed down at all this year and normally they do during the summer. It also doesn't help that I'm working in 2 departments now and learning all new equipment and we're short staffed so I'm constantly going back and forth. I spent 8 hours training a new person on Wednesday which is also my busiest day of the week and I can't stop moving for 5 minutes or else I'll get behind. I like to teach usually but I had to put on my patience panties for that one since she wasn't taking things seriously and it was really discouraging. I thought she was super sweet but I feel like it was a waste of time because everyone already knew it wasn't going to work out and they told me that before I even started but I tried my best. Everyone else is in a bad mood all the time and I get bombarded with negativity the moment I get in the locker room every morning and I try not to let it get to me but after hearing it for so long it gets old. It's gotten so bad that I'm losing my only friend because she can't handle it anymore and I've spent almost every day for 6 years with her. She's the only one who really gets me and looks out for me there so I'm really sad but I want her to be happy. I've been looking for other jobs but nothing seems like a good fit for me. I know I'll figure something out eventually.

My spine still feels like it's crumbling and I tried to get in to see my doctor like a month ago and they didn't seem to think it was a big deal and can't get me in until next month. I've been trying to find a new doctor because I feel like she doesn't take me seriously. I've been debating going to urgent care because I don't think I can wait until then. I'm afraid to be forced to take medical leave before November because I don't want to get written up for sick days and get put on probation which would leave me ineligible for any bonuses or raises for like 6 months. I also don't think I can handle losing a portion of my paycheck right now. I can't do anything about it without feeling guilty and I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

I'm also really tired of living here already. It's so fucked up that I work over 40 hours a week now and I still can't afford my own place but I probably wouldn't be able to take care of it anyway. I don't have a ton of privacy. I like having my own space and everything but I still haven't been able to get everything set up the way I want it since I moved in and it's pathetic. I like things being clean and organized but it's been hard because I'm so tired and I hurt all the time. It was also like 85+ degrees in here almost every day this summer despite having the air conditioner and fans on so I was more focused on surviving and not overheating. It's always a mess and I have too much shit and no storage space. I haven't been able to see the floor in a month and every time I start to dig myself out of it, it just gets bad again. I can't find anything.

The whole house is a disaster actually and it breaks my heart because I basically grew up here. It originally belonged to my dad's parents and he and my aunt were also raised here. My family moved in here after my parents got divorced and filed bankruptcy and lost our house that they built and my grandpa and my aunt moved into a smaller house. I've watched this place deteriorate over the years and it used to be such a welcoming and happy place but it's so dark and depressing now. Someday my siblings and I are supposed to inherit it but I'm afraid if it keeps getting worse it will need to be condemned before then. My grandma died here from cancer in 2005 and I feel like her spirit is still lingering. My great grandma also stayed here in the last few years of her life and my room used to be hers. Two of the cats I grew up with (Elmo and Squeakers) also died here last year and my cat Harry always sits in the same spots that they would sit in. I always feel a presence here.

I also might be going crazy because of all of the mold and dust in the house because it is so old. When I lived here before I moved out for the second time, the roof had a massive hole in it from the tree in the backyard. It has since been repaired but it caused a lot of damage. When it rained, I could hear the water flowing through the walls and and it would come out through the light fixtures in the kitchen and there were puddles everywhere. The foundation is sinking. At one point, we had bad termites and they ate away the posts on the front porch. There's only one barely functional shower in the whole house and it's in my dad's room and there are 4 of us in the house so it's annoying. It's super tiny and old and I can't bend over in there and it's extremely uncomfortable. The water doesn't get hot so I'm usually taking 5 minute cold showers. A lot of the appliances don't work very well. The dishwasher is probably from the late 80's or early 90's and the pipes under the kitchen sink are rusting out. The refrigerator leaks and I had to buy my own because I don't feel comfortable putting food in there. I don't like cooking here so I usually have to eat microwaveable stuff or get take out. The washing machine sucks and my clothes don't always get clean and it also leaks every time I use it. There's no dryer and not enough room for everyone to dry their clothes so that's why I have so much laundry to do all the time. My bathroom used to have carpet in it but it was so gross that I had to rip it out myself so only the subfloor is exposed and it's been like that for a long time so I'm not sure if that will ever get replaced. This week I also discovered I can't even use the faucet in my bathroom because it needs to be replaced. My sister's room needs to be redone too and I want to help but I don't know where to start. The basement is full of shit too and a lot of it was my mom's stuff that she had no place for and she will likely never be back for it. Most of it is junk so we're going to have to get a roll-off dumpster in the spring to try to consolidate some of it.

I understand my dad is overwhelmed because he is constantly working and I know he tries to get stuff done around here but it's too much for him sometimes. I want to help too but I can only do so much. I wish my brother would help out a little more since he's a capable adult who doesn't have to do anything ever. He gets to go out and party and does whatever he wants and his girlfriend is always over here. He gets to sit in his room and play video games all day. My dad does everything for him and I think he spoils him because he's his only son. He's healthy enough to work but he doesn't have to. He's never had a job and my dad let him drop out of school. He doesn't even do his own laundry. My brother is also super rude to me. I have tried to talk to him and every time I say hi to him, he just ignores me. My sister is the same way so I feel like we're strangers so I have to spend all of my time in my room pretty much because they don't want me around. I got my sister a birthday present and she didn't even acknowledge it. I wasn't trying to abandon them when I moved to Florida and I still tried to talk to them all the time but they didn't care. I realize I wasn't always the best sister but I didn't know what I was doing and I was trying to parent them when I still needed someone to do that for me. I took care of them and protected them, I tried to be good despite being a horribly unstable teenager. I remember feeding them and changing their diapers but they don't remember any of that. I get it that we've all had a hard time but it hurts that they are the way that they are and I hope they grow out of it. I guess they weren't raised the same way as I was.

I guess I'm also bitter because I've always been expected to meet high expectations and I went and got a job when I was 15. I tried really hard in school or else I got punished. I got grounded all the time. I got grounded and yelled at when I was suicidal and had gashes in my arms instead of being treated with compassion. My mom would stalk my social media and she beat my ass when she found out I was bi so I've been afraid to open about that since then. She also forced me to do a bunch of church stuff so that was traumatizing. She encouraged me to stay with a bad guy because his family was taking me to church with them and she thought it was good for me. She restricted who I spent time with and how long I was gone and I couldn't go more than a few hours without her texting me asking what I was doing. She tried pushing her Xanax and muscle relaxers on me when I was stressed and told my doctor to put me on Prozac which made me worse. I always had to do chores when I was a kid and most of the time I didn't get anything out of it and I was lucky if I got some pennies. I remember having a lot more responsibilities and my mom would even force me to get down on my hands and knees to scrub the floors until my skin was raw as a punishment. She would even make me rub her feet when I was little while she would watch tv and drink and I would have to go fetch things for her so she didn't have to get up. I never realized until I was older how much I was taken advantage of. My brother and sister never had to deal with any of that.

I'm also concerned my car isn't going to make it through the winter. It's 22 years old and I've been driving on a patched brake line since it snapped last fall. My exhaust pipe also rusted apart when I was driving one day so that's just held together with some bolts and screws now. I can't really drive it when it snows or gets icy, but I'm already not very good at driving in those conditions anyway. I usually have to have someone take me to work if it's really bad and I hate relying on people. It's just falling apart in general so hopefully I can find something newer in the near future because it kind of feels like a death trap.

I feel like shit today and I can't stop thinking about stuff. I just have to complain about things sometimes because I know that if I repress it I'm going to explode again and I hate scaring people. My mental health has been garbage lately. I would like to see a psychiatrist at some point possibly but I haven't been able to get time to do it. I also just realized that I may have accidentally double-dosed on my Lamotrigine last night so that could be part of the reason I'm struggling so much today. I should be ok but I'm pretty out of it right now. I guess I'm going to try to get a few things done today while my back still feels good enough as long as I don't get sick. I'm going to do my best to be in a good mood and be happy even though it's really difficult right now. I really hate being a ball of negativity. I truly hope next week is better because I'm tired of being in this slump.

[incaseyouart]

Thank you for being one of the few reasonable people when it comes to Dan and Phil moving. Like the phandom seriously needs a chill pill. They're moving, so what? Like yeah memories were made at the old flat, but moving is completely normal. Plus they're happy, so why make a big deal out of it?! And just because they're moving with each other again doesn't mean they're a couple. Friends can live together. If you couldn't tell I'm just done with most of the phandom these days lol

Yeeeeaaaaaah... seriously, as long as they’re happy, it reeeallly should NOT matter what they do or how they communicate it to their fans. Personal business like moving or going on holiday - basically anything that is NOT explicitly content they’re choosing to share/sanction, shouldn’t really be a focus for the phandom, in my opinion. Like, during their liveshow today when they were reassuring people that nothing would change, that they still had all their stuff, and videos would go on like normal - I dunno, I feel like they shouldn’t have felt the need to do that?? Obviously it was considerate of them to say things like that, but maybe then that means they’ve seen how much people are freaking out over this change. Also I feel bad for them that literally thousands of people are screaming at them to get a dog, when they’ve already said multiple times that they’re not ready for one (a goldfish would be cute though haha). 

*sigh* Anyways. I’m just here to enjoy the content they choose to share, and draw stuff based on it. I admit, I do ship them as a romantic couple, BUT I DON’T GET AGGRESSIVE ABOUT IT, like some of the phandom does. It’s gotta be overwhelming for Dan & Phil >.