#Anyway. I can't fully remember

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[coloredcompulsion]

Mithrun being a mostly autonomous disabled person with caretakers is incredibly important to me, building up routine habits in order to "fully function" while also still requiring help is so real tbh

[longlivethewildernessyet]

"But I'm finally here, and I'm not leaving this time," and it's about having detached yourself from life whilst you were enduring the pain, but now, on the other side of it all with the scars it left behind, you're aware. You're no longer dissociating. You can see and feel everything, and it's awful and beautiful and brilliant. It's almost too much— but you've fought so long to be here, and you're never going back, never detaching again.

[they-didnt-last]

anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??

[alquido]

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY THRAK

[immortalsins]

what is it about my dads house that makes me want to end it all

[sassy-bitch-since-2007]

Headcanon for Island of the Slaughtered : Of all the survivors (Gwen, Duncan, Katie, Lashawna, Cody, Izzy and Eva), only Cody felt bad about Heather dying. That's because she's never been mean to him, unlike with the others (especially Gwen and Lashawna). He wanted to go back and help her, but Gwen took hold of his hand and dragged him away- which was for the best, as both Cody and Heather would have died in that scenario.

I think, of all the campers on the Island, only Cody, DJ and Harold got along with Heather. That's because they saw some good in her, despite her mean and harsh personality.

Side-Note : More people felt bad about Noah's death due to the circumstances, but if he were to die differently (like Courteney or Heather) only Cody would've been affected by it. That's because, again, Noah's never been mean to him, unlike with the others.

[good--merits-accumulated]

going through some old left-for-dead projects and just found this one where I was like. INTENT on dissecting jeff's brain on the operating table (i.e. google docs) but only from todd's weird skewed pov

[professor voice] it's about brothers as eternal combatants and it's about being so convinced of your own goodness you excuse your shitty actions. it's also about comparing yourself to a dog because you feel less fully formed than your brother. lol.

[itsmistyeyedbi]

I'M FINALLY DONE! HELL YEAH🔥🔥

I'm gonna post it later though because there's a whole lot of fics I wanna read now that I'm outside of Zuri’s head for a bit lol.

So until then, wanna look at what I named it when I first jotted the idea down in my notes?

[muninnhuginn]

Link Click Watch Order

Thought I'd put together a recommended watch order for those who want to get into Link Click. This pretty much follows airing order, but as most people getting into the series now probably don't know when every single bit and piece aired, I thought it'd still be useful to put them all in one place.

Season One episodes 1 to 5 - These are split into arcs which make for obvious places to take breaks when watching.

Bonus episode (5.5) - This was aired as a bonus episode and takes place some time ambiguously around season one. However, events from it get referenced quite a bit. Its airing position between episodes 5 and 6 is probably the best place to watch it, though technically you could also watch after episodes 1 or 2.

Season One episodes 6 to 11

(Optional: Shiguang Zhaoxiangguan de Richang/Daily Life in the Lightime - These are short chibi episodes that are (largely) pretty light and comedic in tone. They contain a number of indirect references you'll only really get after watching season one. The episodes were canonised as of season two and fill in a few holes here and there in terms of minor questions you may have. That said, you can easily move on from season one to season two without feeling like you're missing something.)

Season Two episodes 1 to 12 - This is much more serialised than season one so if you think you need to watch the next episode in case it's a more obvious place to stop, it really isn't. Just stop wherever you want to. There are no obvious breaks.

Notes:

Even though it has an official English name, it's still helpful to know the series' other names when hunting around: Shiguang Dailiren/时光代理人/Time Agents.

There is an upcoming story called Link Click: Yingdu Chapter we don't yet have an airdate for. I haven't included it in the watchlist for obvious reasons, but I imagine that when it releases it'll occupy a similar place as between-season content like the chibi shorts, to be watched between season two and the currently unaired season three.

There is various other bonus content which doesn't really fit anywhere in the mainline watch order. 'Link Click: Troubles of Ordinary' people is another bonus chibi episode separate from the rest of the shorts, but isn't referenced in the mainline series unless I'm forgetting something. There's also an audiodrama, but I'm unsure if there are English subtitles available for them which apparently has MTL English subtitles via Chrome but no official TL. Aside from these, there are also some short animated ads/collabs. My personal take on all these bonus bits is to leave them aside for now and just watch if you're desperate enough for extra content when you're finished with the series.

[sanji-screenshots]

I'm FINALLY through with Dressrosa which means I'll be seeing our main man again soon, but now I'm thinking about how long I'm going to be in Whole Cake Island... like it took me a (relatively) long time to get through Dressrosa and Sanji wasn't even there for most of it! With WCI I'm going to be pausing every 5 minutes to get screenshots! Lord help me, I'm going to be stuck there for the rest of my life...

[schnaf]

23 days until gaon's 23nd birthday

day 11 - animal impressions

[emile-hides]

Ten kerjillion years ago I, and a friend I now refuse to speak to, created a half baked story with no name

And I've decided, sense I'm in a horrible art block (and depressive episode), to revisit and redraw them. Just to confirm I have changed, both as a person and as an artist.

[burningcomputerpersona]

my cds (and cassette tape) finally arrived in the mail today!!

[novelconcepts]

the truly problematic thing about having insanely vivid dreams just about every night--and i mean the kind of vivid where you remember details days or even weeks later, like it's just another normal-ass memory--is that you wind up losing track on an emotional level of what's real. like. i know that was a dream. obviously it was a dream. but some part of my brain misses it like it really happened. i am painfully, achingly nostalgic for people i've never met, places i've never been, shit that literally could not ever happen--but i feel as though i remember. which is just the most unhinged thing, right? like, i remember going on a run that took me over a fence into Disneyland, and i remember having to take a shortcut through a Chinese restaurant, but it was fine, because Erika Ishii was there, and they'd done this before, so no worries. right? no! obviously not! why do i remember this with such visceral clarity three weeks later?

oh, what's your favorite episode of this TV show? the one i dreamt. yeah, don't worry about it, it didn't make coherent sense, but it was in the feelings, right? my ship had the best fucking scene. no, of course i can't explain it to you, that's madness. it involved a rocking chair. don't worry about it. it's fine. it's super important i don't accidentally reference this in a fic someday, though.

this shit is deranged, dude. missing people who are quite literally my own brain's invention with an actor's face. missing places that are a meld of a movie i saw once, my childhood bedroom, the second floor of my high school, and inter-dimensional space. like. no! no, this shouldn't be a thing! is, though. the clarity of it. just fucking bananas. this has been happening to me my whole goddamn life.