#BUT IVE LEARNED THAT I HAVENT LEARNED ANYTHING
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1: Yes
2: My brother
3: No
4: Yes
5: Single
6: Clinging onto every ounce of life I have left all the while forcing myself to stay concious as long as possible. I dont know if Ill get another chance, so I want to go out making sure I dont leave a second unlived
7: Kabab
8: Football, Soccer. Liked neither
9: Yes
10: playing with my brother
11: I like a lot of people, however none of that is romantic or sexual.
12: No
13: I dont think so
14: Yes I miss my mom I am on a trip currently
15: Many, 3 dog 5 cat
16:
17: No
18: Yes
19: No, never, not in a million years
20: I havent
21: Continue coding a silly little minecraft project
22: Im 50/50. Im not opposed to the idea some day. The amount doesnt really matter.
23: No
24: Math and science
25: I think yes, I havent had many friends but I have moved a couple times
26: Dark Chocolate coated Caramel sprinkled in corse salt
27: I hope not, I havent been in a relationship so probobly no
28: No
29: No
30: Coding is hard
31: I have many people who care for me. I am compleatly oblivous if anyone is attracted 5k me however but I think not.
32: Azure
33: No
34: Tensura
35: My Mother
36: Others might think so, but my logic is as long as their capable of wanting change thats enough for me.
37: Forgive, I refuse to forget I will grasp onto every memory I can
38: I think so
39: Older than I am now
40: No
41: Soup
42: No, their is no true reason for anything, the beauty of intelligent life is that they created the concept of meaning
43: Bathroom
44: No, if your done with a relationship end it before you do somthing with someone else, if your not in a situation to do so, fight for a safe enviornment
45: No, I will only be mean in jest. I belive a lot of people have gentleness confused with "softness"
46: Depends on your meaning, technically ive never been in a real fight, but I have come to blows with my brother, most of the time its for fun not for argument and never serious enough to draw blood.
47: Yes and no, I dont belive in the idea that some people are just magically perfect for eachother on contact. But I do belive that you can foster a truly healthy bond with another by learning and growing from eachother
48: Rain
49: Yes
50: Im not opposed to the idea but I doubt I would find someone for me and that concept doesnt bother me. The marrage itself doesnt matter to me anyone I form a sufficently strong bond with automatically becomes someone I want to spend time with. I dont truly understand the concept of romanticism.
51: Ive never been called such so I dont know how id feel.
52:
53: No I would not change it but having multiple would be cool. In a lot of fantasy many powerful entities have mutiple names and one true name that holds power over their being. I would want a true name and possibly another one so my govt/actual name, my true name, and my personally/altetnate name I just think it would be neat, it wouldnt like be different personalitys or identies though more just like different things to call me.
54: No
55: I cant even be my compleat self in isolation what do you think?
56: I would want to talk about it with them so I can truly understand how they feel and why. I would want to handle the situation delicatly and explain to them that while I dont feel the same I do have an increadible bond with them and I dont want them to drift away because of it.
57: My Step Mother
58: My Mother
59: No
60: Yes my closest friends and family. Their is no pain I wouldnt endure to keep them safe.
The post whent from 40 to 51 so theres only 60. That took a while
@the-fallen-collective
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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New journal, doodles mandatory
#doodles#deltarune#ralsei#i havent drawn a ton lately (and there was a good two weeks where i didnt draw anything *period*)#so it might take a bit to get back to where i was with anatomy... and all of susie........#its her eyes#now that ive got a handle on her hair... her eyes.....#idk what happened there but this paper is hard to erase on haha#anyway prepare for a blast of a brand new fandom soon#my tapering of deltarune has left room for an even more ungodly beast to take its place#luckily for yall itll take me learning a brand new art style first before i bombard yall with drawings#but being left with crippling stress and sorrow(TM) has created a need to latch onto something#and that something was two gay hedgehogs#because of course it would be
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It's kinda funny looking back on old screenshots and edits I made 3-5 years ago because in a way they have changed a LOT yet at the same time also not all although the fact that my old computer could barely handle having FFXIV installed is kinda evident in hindsight lol
#ive played for 11 years now but its only as of july last year that i actually have a computer i can go nuts on#with editing and good graphics etc which is probably why ive felt such a stark jump in my abilities#like its MUCH easier to edit by hand when your pc doesnt freeze up and making the screen black out anytime you draw a stroke too long LOL#its kinda funny looking back though because i still rely on things i learned way before gpose was added to the game#to the point where i often forget there are new fancy tools i can use to help the process#and thats despite having used the crimetools for way longer than i havent at this point#same with gpose..... god. that shit was added january 2017 i think. so thats 3 years of learning when to pause at the right time#and using walls to angle the camera and to try and time weather and multiple tries in case skill effects looked off etc etc#honestly since i cant do much photography these days whether that be of people or of bjds gpose is like a balm to my soul#anyway im rambling LMFAO just a lot of nostalgia when looking back. ill have to hunt down some REALLY old screens at some point#just to compare with my newer ones!!! kind of insane to think about this as a skill one can improve on#especially now that suddenly its been like a decade almost of consistently doing it and yet i never stopped to truly think about it#as anything other than a thing you just do???? idk. i have a disconnect to myself and art as a concept i guess LMAO#art is what OTHER people do in my brain. *I* just fuck around to try things out for fun#anyway....#silvi talks
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It's just so lonely sometimes
#hitting me how long its been since i last had anything considered a crush...#and just#yeah.. anyways... thoughts are loud and its lonely#im 28 and id just like to have someone special idk..#i feel like ive already missed the boat considering i never learned to date with any of those previous crushes#and just... i wanna feel butterflies but idk if ive ever felt those or just nerves and hormones#bc i havent liked someone since i realised ace was a possibility almost 2 years ago#and its probably been at least 4 since i last called something a crush but idk if it was just me projecting#anyways im lonely and i want someone...#aspec#asexual#demisexual#greysexual#acespec#aegosexual
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I adore your scent, it just grows sweeter
From now on I'll see nothing but you, love4eva
i did it!! i made him do the dance 😭💗
i like this cropped one too ✂
#obey me asmodeus#obey me#obey me nightbringer#loona#love4eva#ive been learning to do this dance#well ive actually already learned it fully at this point but i still practice since im kinda sloppy#but yea the dance is cute and asmos cute....so put em together#i havent drawn anything this detailed in a very long time#asmos little scorp brooch and roses....yall its like solmare said “lets make drawing these characters extra annoying”#but i like how it came out tho so worth it!#i have another kpop thing i wanna do with asmos Halloween fit so lets hope it gets done
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Los Ratones Pinterest pt.5
#los ratones#rekkles#caedrel#nemesis#crownie#velja#baus#i have so many of these idk what i have an havent posted yet#ive used tumblr since i was 12 and just learned where the drafts are#a solid 8 years if not knowing anything on this website
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im known for being THE bec light fan of the fandom, so i feel like im in the right place to say this: YOU DO NOT OWN FANDOM CHARACTERS AND CANNOT PREVENT OTHER PEOPLE FROM LIKING THEM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, and if that makes you uncomfortable (which is fine, and for any reason), THE THING TO DO IS BLOCK NOT HARASS THEM!!!!!!! ive seen too many ppl in this fandom disrespect others over DARING to say, even as a joke, that they're the number one fan of X character. If someone having the same favorite group of pixels as you genuinely angers you, to the point of feeling the need to insult them and having concerning thoughts about them, then maybe it is time to log off
#not referring to anything recent#as i THANKFULLY havent seen it happen in a lil bit!!!#however it has happenned many times in the past and in those moments i was so thankful to have my fav be a rando no one is attached to LMAO#everyday im mortified at the thought that there COULD be other bec fans outthere that are scared of exclaiming their love for the character#-publically out of fear i'd attack or get mad at them for trying to “steal” my fav or some bs like that. this will NOT HAPPEN PLS GIVE BEC#-THE LOVE THEY DESERVE the more bec enjoyers we are the better :(#btw; this is NOT about non-sharing yumeshippers!! (important)#this is about people (most often not yumes at all smhow!) thatll go out of their way to ATTACK other members of a fandom for sharing a fav#“this is MY favorite character so it cant be anyone else's and if you claim it is i will insult you and humiliate you in front of others”we#-learned to share unimportant stuff in preschool? you're not even a yume so its even LESS justified to react like that over a char#even more stupid when its a main characters 99% of the fandom likes like. what do you think will happen browsing fandom spaces.#if you feel the need to throw all of eve's bitch-ionary at someone over having the same taste please get some offline rest and remember#THE BLOCK BUTTON EXISTS FOR THIS REASON???#if its harmless and you dont like it! block! block block block! throwing a fit like a 7yo reincarnation of eric cartman in the candy aisle-#-won't make you more legitimate in the title of the “biggest fan of X guy”. i promise you blocking people that make you personally-#-uncomfortable(without necessarily doing anything wrong)without insulting their bloodline is absolutely amazing. you should try it.#not bec light#ouhh me speaks#this sure is a lot of words#ik the fandom is full of mentally unstable ppl that rely on their favs for moral support; this however doesn't grant you the right to lack#respect towards strangers. I love bec and finn with all my heart and unless youre some kind of h*tler 2.0 i could not care less about if#they also bring you comfort! and if one day for any reason it starts bothering me; i would just start blocking/muting the people who post#about them! as simple as that. :( your fav/yume would NOT want you to be rude to the people who like them; so just IGNORE#it makes me sad for people who have a certain character as their fav/ F/O cuz ive seen them disputed a lot n theyre not even a main5 HELPPP#; as comma#OK IM DONE YAPPING i have school tomorrow hashtag goonight
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I wanna be more eloquent about this but I have a headache so I'm just gonna get all my thoughts out and leave you guys to make sense of it:
People love to throw out "it's gothic horror" whenever people complain about the content in these books and to some extent I agree because the whole point of gothic horror is to explore morality and a lot of the time that means things like incest and rape will come up because we're supposed to be being horrified by a characters actions and then exploring that.
The problem I have so far with tvc is that there's no exploration. I've read 3 and a half of the books so far and it's never even really felt like I'm reading a gothic horror, more like I'm watching a sitcom where really fucked up shit happens. Marius groomed and sexually abused Armand for several years and it's never brought up. that's not gothic horror. that's just the author coming across as, seemingly, completely unaware that she wrote a child being groomed and sexually abused. I don't know how to finish this thought but my point is that simply throwing rape and incest into a book does not a gothic horror make and saying "it's gothic horror!!" is not some catch all defense for any criticism of these books
#the incest WORKS because its a product of lestat and gabrielle both feeling completely isolated from the world and their family and finding#solace in each other. we know its not okay but we see the process and we understand why its happening and it adds depth to the characters#marius spent half of tvl droning on about his origin story and armand was a throwaway sentence at the end#i havent finished totbt yet but im DOUBTFUL lestat raping that woman will be anything other than another reason for lestat to feel sorry#for himself like thats not gothic horror? what was the reason? ive learned absolutely nothing about him as a character from that scene#river reads tvc
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i am… a neglectful mother
#all the jars are like this too holy fuck#one of them even grew into the vermiculite filter lmaoo. free him#theyre literally so dramatic like OK give me a sec I have to clean the fruiting chamber oh my god#gonna start more jars today too since ive been a wastrel all day. Havent even written anything smh#but ☝️ i did read some very good garashir fics so theres that at least#my avatar omnibus sits on the shelf glaring at me with disapproval as I do so#and the timing is pretty decent if i soak em tn bc i dont close tomorrow so I can set them up then and it’ll give me time to clean their#chamber. but ugh christ soaking them is always sooo annoying and i think i might be out of ziplocks aways#people who do pf tek how do you soak your cakes? bc i feel like i do it in the most annoying and inefficient way possible but its just how#Ive always done it so i never bothered to try and learn another way. which eh. many such cases#but yes I put them in ziplocks w water and then in a big bowl in my fridge. the problem is 1. Fridge space. Which is my own fault#and 2. They want to float and so only one side gets any contact with the water so i have to put a plate over the bowl to push the cake into#the water and suddenly i have no dishes for a day and im spending 20min fighting with one cake and arranging it just so for it to stay down#so yeah. If anyone who does pf tek has a better method PLEASE lmk im begging yall#mycology#mycelium#mushrooms#pf tek#mushroom growing#cubensis#very unwell posts
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Thinking about starting a discord specifically for One Piece fan authors/artists. Like, a place to bounce ideas around/share WIPS and get feedback.
Would anyone be interested?
#or know of one that already exists?#i know there's like the zs and grneral OP discords#but theyre so big and i just want something small-ish where its easy to talk to people/get involved#one piece#sanji#zoro#zosan#it wouldnt just be zosan#but it might start off that way#op#ive never been a mod before#but learning stuff is half the fun!#i just miss the spideypool discord#it was so fun talking to people on there but i havent been in that fandom for like 6 years#it would probably be an adult-only server#just cause i dont want to bother with monitoring censorship stuff#oh!#and cosplayers would be welcome too!#just anything fandom related#and people who run fandom-specific blogs/do literary analysis
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i think what i NEED to do is stop drawing character standing #437 and i need to slow down on comics and i need to make a deeply symbolic piece for this show that i spend 10+ hours on
#the issue is the previously mentioned sleepiness but like. ive done it before i wanna do it again#i havent done it for tadc. i mean ive tried a few times but ive been verrrry tired...#idk how much it shows considering i post like once a day . but rest assured i am often in a state of some level of exhaustion#its normal and fine . what bothers me more is that i need to make more like. abstrct or 'deep' art for this show#but my brain hasnt fully gotten there yet#dont know whats stopping it#even the wips i have like that are still a little too like. on the nose#i think maybe im still in an early phase of interest-having#where im getting used to writing and drawing the cast which makes it harder to do more abstract things#like how ppl learn anatomy THEN stylize things a lot#get the fundamentals down n whatnot#so i guess im still doing that w this show on some level....#my brains gotta speed it up i wanna make more art i havent made enough art#but well i guess that doesnt solve the issue of 'i am so tired all the time' but . waves hand#ill cross that bridge when i get there i just wanna do more things#im not really upset or anything it is what it is im mostly just being impatient HAHA#i get excited abt art and im excited abt this show so im like. itching to make things all the time
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why are some lesbians obsessed with turning a cis man into their lesbian icon
#and is it possible for said man to be not cis? maybe#but i havent heard anything from him about that#and im also not assuming based purely off of perceived looks#idk ive spent most of my lesbian life learning to decentralize cis men#so i think that maybe we shouldnt be trying to centralize them again?????#oh this is about finn wolfhard btw
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I feel like i have the mob countdown going on in my brain and when it's filled i'll finally go read the dunmeshi manga.
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#for context: i strongly dislike reading manga#it just doesnt do anything for me personally as a medium#i can read a book i can watch an anime but if i gotta read AND watch still pictures at the same time my brain will just go on strike#idk why its always been like that#especially if its black and white#dont ask me#point is i can read webtoons just fine but manga sends me into my own kind of hell where ive been wanting to read the tokyo ghoul manga for#the last 10 years i kid you not but havent yet and probably never will cause i cant stand to read mangas#back to dunmeshi ive been seeing so many spoilers and discourse about anime vs manga that i might just try again and go look for the manga#but i wont make any promises about going through with it ive learned my lesson thank you#i just want to know what the fuck is up with falin and get more marcille in my life
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Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.
Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)
The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.
As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!
#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME#sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao#i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee#someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao#not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it#amazing to me#also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real#people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states#only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me#no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps#its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so#cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this#was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states#and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl#(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used#much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace#dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know#things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character#bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one#and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows#culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk#dc comics#blah#ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride#also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back#issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens#cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be
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Oh yeah yesterday I went to my C programming professor's office hours to ask about what's being covered in class tomorrow. Since I can't go bc of my PT appointment overlapping with it & I'm apparently the kind of student that cares about attending every single class now.
While I was there, I ended up chatting with him about a few things, including my current standing in the class. He asked what I got on the midterm exam, & I answered it was an 87, and he told me I was one of the top 5 or 6 scores in the Whole Class (this being a like. Maybe 70 or so person class). Top score was a 92 or 93 (idr lol) & the class average was a 72. Apparently there were a few of us in the upper 80s/lower 90s, but most people got 70s or lower. And once he does the curve on the exam, he said I'd probably end up with a 97 or so on the exam. So yay!!!
And then he told me how he's noticed how I come to class every day and am really active with taking notes and answering questions. Bc I also sit up front all the time lmao. Hadn't even realized how much of a damned teacher's pet I've been being, but I've been Trying to be a good student this year. But he said I was the type of student that if I got an 88% or smth in the class, he'd likely bump me up to a 90% so I'd get an A lol. But he also said so long as I keep up with how I have been, I could possibly get a 100% in the class by the end (bc I've been there for all the extra credit questions in class and whatever).
And just. I went there bc I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything important in class on Wednesday, and I ended up having my ego stroked for Real. Felt good to have my efforts be recognized.
#speculation nation#now if only i could care that much for my web coding class. but oh well im still keeping up even if its a reluctant shamble much of the time#other stuff we talked about was how im graduating this semester & how i plan to stay in indiana to work#bc i have family here & i like the relatively low cost of living. & im not particularly ambitious.#just wanna make enough money to live comfortably. dont need anything fancy beyond that.#& he talked about how that's a good outlook in life. how he's known ppl who went to fuckin silicon valley or whatever#with high paying jobs. but the cost of living is so high that theyre effectively not making much more money than here#he said smth about like. a $70k salary has just as much strength here than a $120k salary there. smth around those#& he praised me on how i seem genuine and hard-working. so he thinks im gonna do just fine in the industry 🥺🥺🥺#i kinda wanted to keep chatting with him but i had to go to bowling class lol. ended up late to it even#bc i checked my phone for the time while chatting and went Oh Fuck bc it wss 1 min after the class started hfkshfks had to rush off then#but yeah makes me feel very nice about that class. i think it rly is my favorite class this semester.#web programming is pretty rewarding and im glad im taking it. but i was basically a complete newbie in html css and javascript#so ive spent quite a lot of time wanting to tear out my fucking HAIR over these labs. b4 it clicks and im like Haha yayy :3#i like C programming bc it's just so much more logical and regimented. it IS the language that got me to give up my engineering degree#since i was thinking about computer engineering. took my first coding class freshman year. and went 'i love this. i want to do CS now'#didnt do that obviously. but im happy where ive ended up. i wouldnt wanna be a programmer lol#and then my quality engineering in IT class. it's certainly engaging. it's the class i constantly have presentations in tho#had Another one this morning. blah! good to keep in practice but i still dont rly enjoy public speaking lmao#probably the most work intensive of my classes. interesting but Blegh#C programming i just keep up with the labs and do the exams and it's wonderful... so logical and comforting...#oh yeah web programming i also have a few presentations. also gotta fucking. code my project pages by next week 😭😭😭#i think it's just the html and css? no javascript yet. thank god. javascript is by far the hardest to learn#but css is so finicky too!!!! ive been struggling with trying to move these fucking input boxes around#i wanna have them on the right!! but they wont go there!!! gotta poke at it more. at least i managed to finish building the form.#still have to finish the lab tho. that was due 2 days ago. lol. also have another one due sunday. AND the project pages. gah!!!#they havent even graded the wireframes yet. i wanted their feedback b4 proceeding to coding >:( oh well#anyways yeah..im keeping busy lol
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light emeto warning
#man i was all excited to talk about how today at work i felt the most supported ive ever felt at work#and how good of a day i had. i didnt even throw up today#but problems with partner are growing still. he simply doesnt care about me much lately. like#he keeps drinking my pedialyte while im at work. which i need for after work when im dehydrated because i cant keep water down at work#because i throw it up if i drink more than a few sips here and there#and he just drinks it and he knows i cant drive. so i cant just go and replace it. he doesnt replace it. i have to get more delivered.#he also indirectly but very clearly puts down anything creative i do. whether its a drawing or a video or whatever. anything i make.#like. thats just some examples of late. its not worth continuing to talk about. its really wearing on me. im worn down.#to touch on the good things at work. a lot of instances of silent love. it was wonderful. idk if anyone besides my managers and#like 3 coworkers have heard that i havent been feeling good. but ive had so much help lately. i felt like a princess LOL#like 6'5 guy who i dont interact with much did some of my work when i wasnt even around and he couldve just clocked out instead#a lot of people just being proactive and nice to me... its strange in a way because im kind of the#Fully Aware and On Top of things person although ill delegate when necessary#but for the most part im kinda just like... the person who knows a lot and picks up the slack with a smile lol. so its been nice.#and then my manager called a face i was making (i thought it was a neutral expression) adorable... i dont get many physical compliments...#the disconnect is wild lol. its kind of hard on my psyche ngl.#the positive stuff at work is hard for me to process bc im not good with compliments. im learning though.#and so that in itself takes some brain power and rewiring how i think about things. but then the lack of care from him#its familiar! but its painful too. so thats a different set of mental skills i have to implement.#so im doing both of these at the same time and its like im going crazy lol shit is DIRE
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