#BUT SHE ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T BELIEVE THE SAME FOR HERSELF AND IT MAKES ME FERAL

[nymfaia-archive]

COLETTE HURTS MEEEEEE

[possibilistfanfiction]

avatrice + flaw

[wonderful prompt @analogoose made me immediately feral :)]

//

you're drunk, which isn't that rare an occurrence, but with all the training you've been doing lately, you don't usually let it get this out of hand. but there had been a pretty girl — sara, maybe? with the most gorgeous brown skin and a nose ring — who had been doing shots and dancing with you when you finished your shift, and, like, sure, maybe you don't believe you'll die, right? maybe you can beat adriel, there's gotta be a way, but, still —

you're a little teary just thinking about it, as you climb the stairs on exhausted legs and feel way more drunk than you had ten minutes ago when you'd left the bar. you unlock the door on your third try, then try your absolute hardest to be quiet. bea has left out some snacks for you, these chips you love that she finds 'disgusting, ava,' and you take them with you into the bathroom, which seems polite and quiet, even if it's kind of gross. you sit in the bathtub without any water and eat your chips in the dark, and then you get up and wash your face in the sink, brush your teeth, and strip out of your pants. you have a crop top and underwear on and, like, that's going to have to be good enough, because it's sweltering in your apartment and bea won't touch you anyway. you love her and you're in love with her and it had occurred to you days ago, when she was concentrating so hard, a little furrow between her brows, listening to hans explain the rules of gin rummy. you're in love with her and, god, it would be so selfish, it would be thoughtless and, like, there are other fish in the sea, or there will be, you guess, but even sara, who was beautiful and kind and pressed you up against the wall in the bathroom and scraped her teeth along your jaw — you're in love with beatrice, and she won't touch you.

you get into bed without too much noise, which is a fucking feat, thank you very much, and settle under the thin blanket beatrice had switched out instead of the quilt during the heat wave. ever faithful, she's in a big t-shirt and boxers, acceptable and very theoretically unsexy sleep clothes, but her hair is loose and light and her eyelashes are so long and the moonlight tints her skin silver, like a sword or a shield or a glass of communion wine. and, like, okay, it's probably ethically wrong that, when sara was kissing you, you closed your eyes and pretended that it was bea, but you were a bunch of tequila shots in and you might die soon, you've already died once, or twice, maybe, so — it's fine. it's fine, the world is going to shit but it's fine.

you're apparently wiggling too much, trying to get comfortable, because beatrice sighs and cracks open an eye and says, 'ava, you're wiggling,' exhaustedly.

'sorry, sorry.'

she sighs again, half asleep. 'it's okay.'

it's not, probably, but she's kind. 'hey,' you whisper, loudly, and you should definitely let her sleep but she's curled up on her side with her hands tucked under her chin, which makes you feel the kind of crazy that could destroy whole temples, just to protect her.

'what, ava?'

you're undeterred by her frustrated tone; she uses it very, very often so it doesn't have the same bite as it used to. 'do you — do you really think being gay, or, like, you know, liking girls, is a flaw?'

'ava.'

you just stay quiet and will the halo not to vibrate out of your skin.

'no,' she says, after a few silent seconds that felt like years. 'no, of course i don't think it's a flaw.'

'because, you know, i like girls.'

'yes, ava, i know.' it's a little pained.

'have you kissed a girl before?'

it's probably, definitely, invasive, but it's the middle of the night and you can't stop thinking about it. 'wouldn't you like to know.'

it pulls a laugh out of you, right from your heartspace, and her smile is soft and bright, pleased with herself. 'well, you weren't always a nun.'

'not always,' she murmurs, and the room is too blurry for you to really figure out what that means. she's so close to you, though, and you reach your hand out — a fucking miracle, still, to be able to move and run and dance and hold someone while you kiss them, while you stand up and let them press you back against a wall, or a bed, or the barstool after closing, and feel the firm press of muscles along their back, or the swell of someone's hips and stomach over their waistband, or — you touch her face, featherlight fingertips, over her cheeks, down her nose, along her dark brows. she lets you, maybe because it's the middle of the night or maybe because she wasn't always a nun, maybe because she likes to be pressed against things too. maybe she loves you back, and it's easier to be touched than to touch, for her. maybe.

'do you think i'm pretty?'

she doesn't even bother to say your name this time, just slams her eyes shut.

too far. 'sorry.'

'it's — of course,' she says, a little broken, a lot brave. 'of course i think you're pretty, ava. you're beautiful.'

'no one has told me that before.' it's a little like standing in a puddle of water while it gets hit by lightning, or watching moths flutter for the first time in lamplight — haze and magic, breathless — to admit. 'i — i didn't get to look at myself, very much at all, before, you know, the halo.'

she just hums, but it's soft and tender.

'did you ever get bullied?' you ask. you know she said that she was punished, for not fitting in, but you can't imagine her, really — powerful, exacting, gorgeous beatrice — being picked on.

'are we playing a very invasive game of twenty questions? it's three in the morning.'

'we can go to sleep, if you want.'

you think she will; you think she'll roll over, that she'll roll away from you, that you'll never get to tell her all that you mean. but then: 'i was bullied a lot, as a child in primary school, actually.'

'they were all jealous, obviously.'

she huffs a laugh. 'my eyes, first and most often.' she frowns and the halo buzzes in your back a little, reflecting your immediate and deep anger. 'my last name, sometimes; the food my nanny would pack for lunch.' her jaw clenches but then she sees the glow of the halo, which you don't bother to try to tamp down, not in the dark, not in this safe bed with someone you love, someone who has had cruelty handed down to her her entire life and has emerged gentle and brilliant and kind. she smiles slightly at the light from your back. 'and then, less seriously, my freckles.'

'oh, fuck that.' you bring a fingertip back to touch her face again. 'your eyes are, like, the craziest cool color? especially in the morning, when we're going to train and the sun is just coming up.' a poem in a book one of your friends had given you recently: you could drown in those eyes, i said. 'and their shape is gorgeous. they're part of who you are.'

she seems genuinely touched by the drunk, inelegant sentiment. 'well, tell that to ronnie white.'

'if i ever meet him, i sure will. i bet he's ugly.'

she laughs.

'and, also, all food fucking rocks, so that's ridiculous. and your freckles, are like, i don't even know, bea. like stars.'

she lets you trace them; she has freckles on her shoulders, now, in the summer sun, and a few on her collarbone; one, that plagues you, sometimes, on the top of her left hand.

'in his own image, or whatever, right?'

you still your hand on her jaw and it takes a moment to answer: 'well, allegorically, yes.'

'allegorically, whatever. fuck those kids.'

'it was a long time ago, ava. i'm fine.'

the way she holds herself, compact, even in sleep, to make herself smaller — it's a life she chose, but you don't think anyone really gave her much of a choice. 'fuck those kids, bea. fuck your parents, and fuck the shitty nuns who didn't treat me with any dignity, and fuck, you know, the whole goddamn patriarchy, while we're at it.'

'you know,' she says, a smile reluctantly lifting her mouth, 'i do enjoy a good moment of sheer hate for the patriarchy.'

'obviously, you're awesome.'

'you should sleep, ava.'

'yeah, probably.'

'okay. goodnight.'

'bea?'

'yes, ava?'

'you're really, really beautiful. i just wanted to say, in case no one has told you either.'

her eyes in the moonlight flash gold, a better gold than the halo, warmer and gentler. you could drown in those eyes, so it's summer, so it's suicide, so we're restless in sleep and —

'sleep well, ava,' she says. it feels like a miracle, when she brings her hand, calloused and careful, to run through your hair, and then pulls it back against her chest. she doesn't turn away from you, only scoots a little closer and lets you nuzzle your way into her body, little movements and warmth, the smooth skin of her legs against yours.

so it's summer — you think, as her hand sneaks its way under your shirt and rests in the middle of your back; your underwear are slick with wet heat but — you've risen from the dead; she won't touch you but this is close, her little breaths against the top of your head as her body grows slack. in another universe this is real life; in another universe you met in college, or at the beach, or she was your ski instructor, or you swiped right on an app after smoking a blunt and she messaged you back — in another universe this is just an afterthought, an ache that neither of you can explain some nights at twilight after a hard day when you come home to a vine over the door and a dog who runs back to you when you call. in another universe you get to love her; she touches you.

in this universe, her gentle fingertips pressed to your back and her freckles blooming more every day in the sun — this is just another miracle.

'sweet dreams, bea.'

[axel-ambassador]

Reasons why Axel is best girl

Her name and design is absolute peak

This was a promo photo. The combat boots, the camo pants, the asymmetrical piercings, the camo paint and absolute feral energy in this photo.

There's a reason why she had so much hype before we even knew her personality. She exudes absolute girlboss energy and leaks with potential.

Her voice is incredible

Something about her dialect tickles my brain. Just listen to her speak especially in S2 E3 and you'll see what I mean. Her VA does an incredible job.

She's incredibly compassionate believe it or not

Her boot episode in S1 starts with her getting breakfast in the woods. She could have made food for just herself but took the time to find and cook food for the rest of her team.

S2 E2 consists of her helping her struggling teammates several times. Zee when he's taken too many hits and Damien after going through the 4 point tube.

You may think she does it out of necessity, but anybody could have gone and saved Damien, Priya especially. She's quick to inform them he needs medical attention.

She even admits that despite winning she doesn't approve of what Millie did. This is coming from the same girl that kicked a teammate overboard in the season prior. She genuinely cares about her team.

She's not very fond of Ripper, yet when she accidentally punches him in the face, she is quick to help him up and fix his broken nose. Her voice is incredibly soft as she helps him as well.

The way she handles Ripper's initial confession really sticks out to me. She doesn't lash out or mock him for having a crush, she calmly admits to being uncomfortable and gently tells him she doesn't feels the same.

She even apologizes. There's no need to apologize for not returning romantic feelings for someone. They're not entitled to your love. But she apologizes anyways despite Ripper never asking for one, because she knows that she hurt him and wanted to reject him as nicely and possible.

She recognizes Rippers development and sees how he's willing to better himself for her. He took the time to learn one of her hobbies for her and she realizes and truly appreciates that. She rewards his efforts by kissing him.

She loves Ripper for who he is despite his imperfections. She finds his stupidity to be attractive, and he's a bit insecure when it comes to impressing her, so she's quick to reassure him that she does in fact love him after insulting him and knocking him off their canoe.

There's these little blink and you'll miss it moments in the finale where when Ripper is getting hurt she's not too pleased and is there to comfort him.

Her confidence is unmatched

From the very beginning she's very sure of herself and her abilities. Her first line is her boasting about her survival abilities and how she's not afraid and how people should fear her instead.

She doesn't doubt her decisions. She kicks Ripper overboard in S1 and doesn't ever regret it, not even after she's been voted off because of it.

In S2 E3 she does a flip over a stump just because she can. Her only solo confessional is her bragging about how she was born for this challenge. She's fully confident in her skills and for good reason.

S2 E4 has a lot of these moments where she's so sure of herself not as a survivalist but also as a person. She was voted "most likely to make you regret stuff" in survival camp. She's not ashamed of that fact, she sounds almost proud.

When her love of poetry is revealed, she's not embarrassed, she sounds happy to be able to reveal that fact about herself. She knows that it's an interest not expected of someone like her, and she doesn't care.

She kisses a man on live TV despite being incredibly embarrassed and near uncomfortable with being put on the spot.

She doesn't change herself for Ripper. She is so sure of herself and she knows Ripper loves her for who she is. She's not embarrassed to show her love for him, and she's not afraid to still be her authentic self.

She takes bullshit from no one

When she stops Ripper from wasting his time and energy in the beginning, he lashes out. How does she respond? She growls at him. She's not gonna let some guy yell at her when she's trying to help.

Ripper refuses to have her lead the team despite majority ruling for her to be captain, so what does she do? She kicks him overboard for mutiny and refusing to cooperate.

Ripper taunts her for getting booted by waving his marshmallow in her face. She's already pissed, so she bites his hand and eats his own marshmallow straight from his hand. What a queen.

Ripper calls her and her team nerds in S2 E2 and she immediately snaps at him and intimidates him for his disrespect.

S2 E3 is when she and Ripper get stuck butt to butt, and it does slow her down a lot, but she ends up being in the pack getting carried by Caleb regardless. She's not really responsible for her teams loss. So when Chef puts her on the list of people on the chopping block, she immediately shuts him down because of how stupid that is.

Her split second Yuri moment with Emma consists of her intimidating her not to mess up the challenge. Emma does mess up, Axel falls, and Axel votes her off.

Her team loses for the 3rd time in a row by E5 and of course Chris relishes in their failures and rubs it in their faces. Axel is a blunt and honest person, but here she resorts to sarcasm because that's how done she is with his shit.

She's literally about to be eaten by a shark and she just turns and yells at it to back off, icon.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

You know, I was wondering this for months now. Considering Yosano’s painful backstory, how do you think she felt about dazai’s suicide mania. Seriously, it’s all he talks about.

This is really interesting anon. I'm not sure if they interact much to be honest. I'm trying hard to think of a moment they actually talk... well, we do know she's at the core of the plan to revive him if he ever does die, and she absolutely would've been a part of that discussion so I think it's a given that she's looking out for him at least a little, in her own way. I would say, given her reaction to Kajii's obsession with death and her typical blunt demeanor, she probably thinks Dazai's fixation on suicide is uh... pretty stupid. But at the same time, the life he's threatening there is his own, so I like to think there was some brief concern at the beginning.

See, I think for the very reasons I'd love to see them interact (history with Mori, unfortunate commonalities with Mori they probably don't like, similar defense mechanisms of projecting an image to avoid uncomfortable questions or people getting too close - one, mischievous and lazy, and the other, highly respected and slightly sadistic)... I think this is exactly why they probably don't.

See, I don't think Dazai knows Yosano's history. He doesn't have a way of knowing it, and it's kind of the Agency's best kept secret - Fukuzawa and Ranpo are the only ones who appear to know. However, Dazai's countenance is such that he immediately had Fukuzawa telling Kunikida to just shoot him if he proves to be a threat lmao, and given a lot else in the series, I just assume that to those who aren't Atsushi or random people who get the filter of dialed-up charm Dazai, that the man just gives off supremely bad vibes. I feel like, if anything, Yosano was probably on alert around him for a bit. Dazai operates a lot like Mori, after all, and I doubt that would've gotten past her.

Also their defense mechanisms are the same. Like. They actually have some really fascinating commonalities. I love the part where Yosano grabs Atsushi's leg to examine it in her first focal chapter. I know that sounds weird but, just look.

Up until this point, all we know about Yosano is that she takes no crap from stupid people (especially stupid guys), is a doctor whose methods are... questionable, and apparently everyone in the Agency respects her but is also terrified of her. But this scene shows us something else: she's incredibly analytical. Her medical knowledge allows her to tell how Atsushi's ability is working in an instant, but when asked about it, she goes back to "shame I couldn't treat you", which is more in line with her "terrifying doctor" image she's built up. She deflects anything other than this image, is what I'm trying to say. It reminds me a lot of when Dazai gets serious then flips it so it seems like the moment was just him being silly and goofy.

Anyways, their defense mechanisms are similar in that they both build up carefully crafted images to avoid questions and vulnerability - Yosano by making herself more threatening and Dazai by making himself less threatening - so yeah, I don't think any interactions would have them being anything but being super roundabout and cordially pleasant with each other (much as I think there is some mutual respect there between them... I love the bit where Yosano is about to go full feral on the guy who hurt the cafe owner and Dazai's full-on smirking about it like "ohoho you screwed up big time lol").

As for the whole suicide thing, I know it can be uncomfortable the way the Agency brushes off his attempts, but I honestly think that Dazai's attempts are not actually serious (I firmly believe he is not actively trying to die anymore, even if he is still passively suicidal and genuinely depressed - he does it because it's a part of his nonthreatening yet disconcerting image, and also because it's likely a habit at this point), and that they probably have tried to speak with him about it at one point but it didn't go anywhere (because Dazai would never have an honest conversation about something like that...) so they settled for making a plan in case something did end up happening to him. From the wording in 55 Minutes, I thought it seemed pretty strongly implied that this plan was created less out of the potential for Dazai getting hurt on a mission than in the case of if he should ever hurt himself.

See, what I'd be interested to know is if Dazai made the terrible error in judgement of attempting to flirt with Yosano on introduction. ...I bet that went well.

[cornfields-td-nonsense]

this is your reminder to talk about how stubbornness runs in the miller family

*cracks knuckles* y’all ready for me to go off about the Millers again?

alright, Patrick’s an obvious example of stubbornness being a negative. He’s stuck in his ways, he’s got an idea mapped out in his head of how his wife and children ‘should’ behave, and by God he’ll make sure everyone follows it to a tee. When he decides it’s time for Ezekiel to learn how to man up and come hunting, it’s time. When he decides Esther’s outgrown her free-spirited and 'unladylike' nature, she’s outgrown it. He’s right, you’re wrong, debate over.

Mary might initially seem like an outlier, like the picture of a docile housewife, but she’s more than that. She’s stubborn as any Miller. More than anything, she loves her children and wants the best for them. She plays her part of domestic femininity on the outside, while quietly waiting for the opportunity to make her move. She may not know how exactly to get out of her situation, but she’ll get a better life for Esther and Zeke no matter what it takes. (And it goes without saying that once she found out what happened on those hunting trips, it would fuel her resolve even more to get Patrick out of their lives.)

Now onto the kids, and oh boy is there a lot to say about them.

Zeke is, again, an obvious one. His stubbornness to rectify his absolute failure in the first season is evident through all of World Tour. He came out the past season with no friends, no accomplishments, no chance of fame and nothing to show for himself at all, and he’s going to do whatever it takes to make this his season. He’s going to get something out of this - he’s going to win. Even as it destroys him.

He gets thrown off the plane before it even takes off? Run and catch up to it, and then march right up to the host and demand to get back on the show. He loses and gets voted off? Physically cling to the outside of the plane and then hide away in the cargo. Put on the best serial killer performance of his life while clinging to whatever’s left of his humanity. Claw his way back onto the plane once, twice, three, four times, then after it explodes? Hitch a ride all the way to Tijuana Beach. If the other finalists can do it, so can he. Getting the million - winning the game - proving to himself that it was all worth it - stays in his brain until it’s literally all there is left of him.

And then he falls into a goddamn volcano to top it off.

But he keeps coming back to the island. Because he’s still trying to get the win. To prove that all of this, sacrificing his own humanity and his entire life, was WORTH something.

And then there's Esther. Throughout her childhood, the more her father tried to get her to conform to the ideal of what a young lady should act like, the more she pushed back. Though as she's gotten older, sort of like her mother, she's learned to hide behind the veneer of a "perfect daughter". It's a front. She's every bit the loud, lively "free spirit" she was as a small child, she just doesn't show it in front of Patrick anymore. Hanging onto your beliefs and identity in an environment like this is not an easy task, believe me, so it's already a testament to Esther's stubbornness, but there's so much more to unpack with her.

From the moment she sees Zeke on TV in his feral form, even as the shock is still wearing off, she becomes determined to find him and bring him home. Even if it seems impossible, even if he's almost (but not quite) beyond recognition, even against the odds, Esther's going to do it. Because that's just who she is. She doesn't accept defeat, and if one route doesn't work, she'll brute force another.

(For example, if attempting to pack herself in a crate and mail herself to Wawanakwa Island doesn't work - yes, she really tried that - she gets there the only other way she can think off. By signing up to join the exact same show that nearly destroyed her brother's life, because that's just how far she's willing to go.)

When Esther first sees Art picking on Lara, she confronts him directly, because fuck no she's not going to let that slide. And when Lara later tells her she's "used to it", and not to worry, Esther just doesn't accept that, because why should Lara be used to it? It's not right, and she sticks hard to that belief, because it's what Esther does.

This is a family trait, and they all wield it differently. Stubbornness and determination are Miller family jewels, and they can be destructive or vital to living, depending on how they're used.

[ruthiesrambles2]

Well come on then...

002 for MelRuth (looking forward to the essay that will come out of this)

Hello anon I love you for this and I love this for me, thanks for enabling me 😘😘

When I started shipping them: after watching season 3 I came to AO3 in search of more Brakenight and was shocked to discover MelRuth was a thing. So I rewatched from s1 again. Excuse to wear your furs caught my eye but See You Around caught my soul and it has been a slow descent into madness ever since. So... April maybe? Feels like a lifetime haha

My thoughts: No thoughts only MelRuth! Ha. I really flip flop on the nature of them. I absolutely adore the idea of Ruth pining after Melanie the whole time, maybe they've had flings but nothing serious, they're friends until Ruth learns the truth and her heart breaks. But I also concurrently headcanon that they did have a relationship, some time between the bees and the start of S1. They broke up but obviously there's still feelings there. And after seven years on the train they've learned how to work together even despite those feelings. The See You Around scene is everything tbh. Melanie realising love is important after all, but Ruth is just too hurt. So hurt in fact that she had been willing to let her die at one point! But she does try to delay it, asking for a trial, and I believe she had a hand in Melanie's escape with Javi and Jinju. By the time Melanie goes to Breslauer, Ruth is having a big internal conflict because she's still SO angry but also Melanie might go away forever. When she agrees to look after Alex, she's cursing herself for not being able to forgive sooner. Saying yes is saying I love you. And the longer she is away, the more Ruth realises she still loves and needs her, after all she always has "melanie on her mind" and she can "feel her out there". But then Melanie is gone, and probably dead, and the train and its people need her. And she needs someone to make her happy (enter Mr Pike). Melanie coming back is a massive emotional shock, and the two struggle to reconcile. But the love and care is still there ("I'm not going to let you go alone am I"). Until Melanie suggests working with Wilford. And after everything... Ruth can't deal with that. At the end of the war, she wants to stay, oh god she wants to stay. But she promised to look after Alex, once, and she intends to fulfil that promise. I love you too much to stay... Okay this descended into headcanon a bit but I am feral for them and the tiny glances between them and idc what you say Melruth is real if I believe hard enough 😂

What makes me happy about them: THE PINING, the little touches, the glances, the Wilford Pin, the fact I would let either of them freeze off all my limbs.

What makes me sad about them: Ben. They never said a proper goodbye (or welcome back from the dead). THE PINING. The fact season 4 is going to kill me.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: when Ruth is in the engine/bunk room before the Milford reveal with no explanation! Caveat that I am currently writing a few things like this because it was easier and yes I'm annoyed at myself for it!

Things I look for in fanfic: at this point just them being in the same room together. Just any and all content of them together and being vaguely nice to each other. But above all I'm here for the E rated fics 👀

My wishlist: I don't know if this is for fic or for canon. For canon I just want them to acknowledge that there was something there once even if there's not now. And a good hug would be nice🥺. For fic I NEED a 100k word romance, yesterday. But I'll also take anything elaborating on their history together, small fluffy fics, smut (always), all the angst. I need an AU where Mel went to the B&B, an AU where Ben doesn't exist... All of it please.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: after a significant amount of reflection I would have to say Mel with Ben 😭. The set up is there and she does love him and they can be sweet together. Ruth is easier though. Ruth/Boki! I've said before I just want her to learn to love herself, but if she had to end up with someone I'm committed to Ruboki now. Or The Notary as an acceptable alternative. As long as whoever it is makes her happy. Happy Ruth is EVERYTHING.

My happily ever after for them: this post sums it up. Or you know, in twenty years time they are old and grey in a cabin in the newly terraformed warm spot and Melanie is digging in the garden and Ruth comes and puts her arms around her because she's about to go to a council meeting where Alex is the president of the new world, or something.

[trashlie]

(FP 235 spoilers ‼️) "if you won't let me have you" 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️💥💥💥💥💥 *car brakes screeching* *glass shattering* *explosions* *sirens going off* *cats meowing dogs barking* *more explosions* MISS YOO MA'AM did you seriously just say that... do you even hear yourself..... maya was gagged we were all completely gagged i actually have no words. there is nothing to say. except for thank you maya and hopefully that bite doesn't leave a mark gfhsdgjfk

shinae about dieter: so nice :) so comforting :) teddy bear :) shinae about nol: HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST YOU FUCKER I WILL KILL YOUU

also alyssa? is shinae.. jealous bc he's with alyssa? is it that unbearable that he's hers and not yours?? even tho the relationship is fake??? oh my god she really is down so so soooo bad. not that it's surprising it's just different to actually see it yk. listen i knew she'd match nol's energy/intensity (bc mirrors and all) but i was NOT expecting her to hit the ceiling like that and be *this* fiery. but i absolutely love it.

just had to get it off my chest because GSHADGSHJGK i'm sure u understand <3 -lil anon 😼

oh. it's insecurity too isn't it. bc now she's subconsciously comparing herself to alyssa. pretty, talented, successful alyssa and ;A; babygirl don't go there... 💔 i've actually been wondering if/how shinae's insecurities and low self-esteem would play into this, remember how she said she didn't understand why dieter would even like her. AAAAAH :(( at least hopefully she'll remember what he said about this "relationship" last night. AHHHHHHH. ok sorry for the spam i'm gonna go lie face down in the sea now byee -lil anon 😼

LIL ANOOOOOOOOOOOOON

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHRIEKS AND SWINGS FROM THE RAFTERS

Honestly you sum it up SO WELL i will NEVER be able to top it so honestly hats off to you Lil Anon you get it YOU GET IT YOU GET IT SCREAMS AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GET IT THIS IS HAPPENING?!

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU?!

IF I?

CAN'T?

HAVE?

YOU?????????????? MISS MA'AM DO YOU /HEAR/ YOURSELF OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T SHE'S FULLY FERAL, TO words are coming out of her mouth without thought she is NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY ONLY RAGE RAGE RAGE AGAINSTTHE LAD

I CANNOT HANDLE THE LEVEL OF MIRRORIN THEY ARE DOING LIKE holy SHIT simultaneously figuring this out, HER ENTIRE REALIZATION MIRRORING HIS!!!!!!!!!! the same feral fucking energy lmao the next time she sees him.......... alfjafkakfjjkafjkafkakjfajkf someone NEEDS to hold her back she is SOOOOOOOOOOO DOWN BAD SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD OH MY GOD LAFKJAKJFJAFKAFJK

Someone recently messaged me with a question from quim's curiouscat that had asked if anyone in ILY is possessive and BOY FUCKIN HOWDY DID SHINAE GIVE US HER ANSWER HUH?! GODDDDDDDD

I think it's both jealousy and insecurity, though. Jealousy because SHE can't have him but ALYSSA can? EVEN THOUGH SHE JUST LEARNED THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS FAKE IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING HE DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY. But in that moment, as Minhyuk basically describes all the things Alyssa is - she's good looking and talented, look at that body, she's famous now, she's got what she wanted - everything Shinae ISN'T. And like WE know that NONE of that means anything to Nol, that it's instead all the things Shinae is that Alyssa isn't - compassionate, empathetic, grounded, the way SHE sees Nol.

But in that moment she just feels so pale next to Alyssa, what could he EVER see in her and SHE DOESN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. SHE'S SO JEALOUS AND GETS SO ROCKED BY IT THAT SHE /LEAVES WITHOUT EATING/!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She wants him SO badly - wants to see him, all of him!!!!!!!!! And Alyssa gets something she doesn't?!

But yes I also very much think it's the insecurity. She's not thinking rationally here or she'd remember what he told her about Alyssa and instead the part of her that knows, the part of her that's been acting on this, what's between them, sees how she stacks up against Alyssa and how, at face value, she can't stand against her!

I'm hoping that maybe getting some sleep will bring back the pragmatic side of her brain but hey, if she has to... charge in to Nol's room this evening after she wakes up and confront him in order to be reminded then HEY BE MY GUEST SHINAE. GO AHEAD ALFJKAKFJFAKJAFKJAFKAKFJJAKFJKAFJKAF LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ngl there's a part of me that SO BADLY wants and NEEEEEEEDS Shinae to have a moment of jealousy that slips out, the whole "if I can't have you" the "she gets to?" something that makes him remind her that Alyssa has none of him, that she never has, and that if anyone has him it's HER IT'S SHINAE THE ONE STANDING RIGHT THERE THE ONE WHO TOOK HIS HEART WHEN HE WAS LOOKING THE ONE WHO'S ROCKED HIS WHOLE WORLD.

Have you ever stopped to really consider the fact that like.... Nol just woke up from NEARLY FUCKING DYING and the first thing he does is realizes "OH MY GOD I HAVE FEELINGS FOR SHINAE" lmfao like. DUDE ALMOST DIED AND HE'S JUST HAVING AN AWAKENING OVER HERE LMAO

They're both going through ALL the stages of puberty in one go (don't think I missed those smutty mangas I HAVE EYES) and it's SO FUNNY. The moodiness, the irritability, incapable of handling their too big emotions, denial, embarrassment, the "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO HAVE FEELINGS".

Shinae's gonna roll up to Nol's room like I'M HERE TO RETURN EVERYTHING YOU STOLE FROM ME but THERE'S ONE THING HE STOLE THAT HE CAN'T RETURN SHINAE NANNER NANNER NANNER THAT'S HIS HEART NOW

/SHRIEKS

Maya really was us she really got up to bat and hit it home for us. "I like this part" BITCH YOU SAID IT, WE DO, TOO. It was SO meta, sooooo good. "MY BOY PROBLEMS ARE REAL, HELP ME!" absolutely BROKE ME. One day Shinae is trying to pretend she doesn't care what people say behind her back and suddenly she is yakking poor Maya's ear off about a boy who IS SO CLEARLY STUPIDLY HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER AFKLKJAFKJAFKJAFKJAFJLKAFJKAFKJAFJKAJKFAJFK

the way she just. LOOKED at Shinae and KEPT WATCHING HER rant and rave SHE IS US AND SHE DID THIS FOR US HURRAH also yes i hope ur feral cat Shinae bite mark heals fine lkjfkjafkjafkafkj LMAO

[chaoticevilbean]

Another Star Wars AU, TBN*

*To-Be-Named

I love time travel. A lot. So here is a time-travel au, with the CW trio.

Somehow, perhaps by touching a Sith artifact, perhaps by the Force deciding they should, perhaps from some sort of weird ritual the locals were performing that the trio didn't know about, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Anakin, Rex, and Cody travel aback in time.

[Please keep in mind that Canon Timeline has died tragically in a fire, and I am but the weeping widow with an inheritance.]

Due to whatever happened, they all also end up (technically) deaging. They still have their memories and their knowledge and skills, just stuck in smaller bodies. They can think and act like adults, but they also have to struggle a bit more to implement Older Skills in Younger Bodies.

Ahsoka is 2. She's nubby. She's emotional. She's tired and sore from her deaging.

She wakes up in someone's office. She's in a spinny chair, a big one with leather padding. It's kind-of chilly in the room.

She's not thinking, because all her brain is putting together is that she's still tired. She grabs the jacket off the back of the chair and pulls it over herself. She goes back to sleep.

Rex and Cody wake up together.

They are their actual age, which is to say they're both about eleven.

They find themselves on Mandalore. In the more wild areas.

(let me believe that there are parts of the planet that aren't covered in city)

(also, this is the Mandalore in the cartoons)

They find a teen trying to wake them both up. Rex has absolutely no clue what's going on. Cody has a vague idea, because this girl looks very similar to a picture he once saw...

Obi-Wan does not fare as well. He is 3.

He wakes up in someone's arms. He's just as tired and sore as the other three. However, he's also got more awareness because he's in someone's arms.

He looks up to see who's carrying him.

He looks around at the people walking with them.

He starts crying. He cannot help this, as he is suddenly flooded with Emotions, and he is Smol. Smol = harder to handle Emotions.

Because Qui-Gon is walking right next to him, tapping away on a holopad as they go. Dooku is on his other side, on a comm call where both parties sound very tired.

And Obi-Wan is being held... by Obi-Wan.

So, yeah, not that great for a suddenly Smol Obi.

Now, Anakin is 8, so he's better off in that perspective.

But he wakes up on some remote planet without anyone around. He just was in the middle of a group, so he ends up kinda panicking.

Then he hears something coming towards him, and he panics more.

He's Tiny! He's Smol! He's massively at a disadvantage against attacks! He can't fight off whatever is on a planet like this!

It's Mace (and Depa).

Anakin, however, doesn't realize this. He has gone Feral.

Back to the beginning

Jango Fett has been very busy w/Important Mand'alor Paperwork all day. He finally has time to go and relax a little, and he makes it all the way down to the exit before he realizes:

It is really cold outside. He is not in armor bc he was planning to only do paperwork today (though he still has many weapons). When one plans to stay in the same room for almost the entire day, one does not wear normal garb.

That said, he has no protection from the cold. He forgot his jacket upstairs. He rushes back up to his office.

He distinctly remembers that he left the jacket on the back of his chair, not on the seat.

He also is wondering what that lump is.

He arms himself, grabs some of his "emergency" armor plating, and walks over to the chair.

He lifts his jacket up, expecting a bomb or some paperwork that fell off the desk, or something logical.

He does not expect to find a tiny Togruta child clinging onto the fabric, whining as they're woken up by his yanking of the jacket.

Jango's brain stutters for a moment, then he kicks into action.

First things first, he wraps the jacket around the Togruta. They thankfully stay asleep. Then he turns up the heat, because he knows the office has gotten colder in the twenty minutes or so he's been gone, and Togruta are from warm temperate zones.

He decides to call, in this order, a guard who can help him watch the Togruta (they did break in, after all), a medic to check the Togruta’s health, and the first person he can find in his contacts that might know an adult Togruta.

Next group

Rex and Cody manage to get the teen to stop fussing over them for long enough to ask for her name.

Her, clearly lying, but that’s understandable: My name is Ine.

Cody, who knows exactly who this is now: Oh, kriff. You’re Duchess Satine, aren’t you? Kriff.

Rex: Wait, Satine? As in the General’s Satine?

Satine, now very suspicious and reaching for her stunner: I think you need proper medical attention.

Cody, looking down at their eleven-year-old selves: Yeah, I think so, too.

They agree on one thing, at least.

Next

Obi-Wan is crying. Loudly, uncontrollably, w/too many Emotions to even care that he’s supposed to be an adult rn.

Other Obi-Wan is very uncomfortable, bc he doesn’t know how to handle children too well.

They found this kid unconscious in the middle of a ruined, abandoned town.

Obi-Wan was meant to hold this kid while Qui-Gon did research and Master Dooku tried to convince the Council that it was entirely necessary to bring the kid back to Coruscant. Granted, they can still give the child to the locals at any time before they make it back to their ship, but apparently the Force is Being Loud.

The Force was Being Loud when it told Master Dooku to come along.

The Force was Being Loud when it led them to that town.

Qui-Gon and Dooku have argued fifteen and a half times on this mission, and an additional six times on the flight here. Obi-Wan is trying to mediate but also doesn’t want to overstep. The Force is Being Loud, sure, but the kid is also Force-sensitive so it might be something off that.

He didn’t argue with holding the kid bc he thought that it was better than being caught between the Masters.

Holding a crying child and trying to get two adults to stop arguing bc they can’t decide how to comfort the kid is not better.

Obi-Wan keeps walking past them to the ship with this baby. He does what he’s seen some crechemasters do to the younglings. The kid eventually calms a little, and he belatedly realizes that both Masters are still behind him, not with him.

NEXT

Anakin is panakin.

He is currently in a state of Feralness. His instincts have kicked into overdrive, full-on Survival Mode.

Depa and Mace do not know this. All they know is that there was suddenly an extremely powerful Force presence that started fading quickly (bc Anakin started shielding).

They burst into sight of Anakin and are suddenly attacked by all four feet and some of Feral Force Child.

It’s all they can do for a good minute or so to avoid losing their fingers, eyes, or untorn clothes.

Mace puts a few things together very quickly.

This planet is uninhabited by any sapient life. Therefore, this child is utterly alone. This child also is clearly strong in the Force, and knows how to hide their presence, for whatever reasons. Mace is a Jedi, and therefore is bound by certain duties.

He decides it is his Duty to get this kid back to Coruscant safely.

Back to the beginning

Ahsoka wakes up to find a familiar face looking down at her. She’s still tired, but not as much. She’s very aware of her size, and does a few quick observations.

She does not fully know who Jango Fett is. She does know that some clones run off bc they hate war and weren’t given a choice an- no. Not going down that path yet.

Ahsoka assumes, semi-incorrectly, that she was shrunk or deaged and somehow found by a rogue clone.

She knows it’s a rogue clone bc they’ve got weird armor.

So she does the logical thing and tries to comfort this clone bc he looks really worried and kinda panicked. She stands up on the spinny chair and tries to balance and he practically lunges to help her and she can’t help but giggle, but it comes out in a bunch of chirps instead.

The clone picks her up and looks really awkward so she pats his face bc that’s the best she can do bc she doesn’t want to disprove the fact she’s two yet.

For all she knows, this rogue clone has no idea she’s actually a Commander in the GAR.

He doesn’t, but for different reasons than she thinks.

NEXT

Rex and Cody go with Satine to the city. They have introduced themselves and said that they were separated from their aliit. They don't know where said aliit is.

Satine is highly suspicious by this point, bc these two kids recognized her with only part of her name, and they were alone, and they speak Basic with Mando'a thrown in.

Basically, she thinks that they're children of people like Death Watch, but she's too young to know that Death Watch isn't really into children.

Rex and Cody get checked over by a medic, but also start trying to get access to some working comms. They are refused on account of being suspicious children (which makes them a little upset bc they're not children)(Well, they are, but not those types of children)

They have not yet figured out that they are in the past, bc Cody and Rex only know that General Kenobi talks about Duchess Satine, and they know about Padme Amidala from General Skywalker, so clearly this Duchess is really young and the General simply viewed her as someone he wants to protect.

They are very very very wrong.

NEXT

Obi-Wan manages to calm himself somewhat now that it's just him and... him.

He is three, and he knows roughly what's happening, so he knows he should probably act like a 3yo.

Unfortunately, he has very little understanding of how child ages work. 3 is smart enough to go up the stairs and communicate with adults, but def. not old enough to speak sentences that are 15 words long with at least 2 5-syllable words.

Fortunately, his older (younger?) self doesn't know children either.

So when this 3yo starts telling him that he needs to leave the two Masters on the planet and head to Tatooine really fast, Obi-Wan is more concerned about the idea than the strangeness of "this is a 3yo suggesting this".

Obi-Wan is really good at convincing people. Including himself. He manages to get Padawan Kenobi to leave supplies where the ship is supposed to be and head towards Tatooine.

He says that the Masters will be fine, they know how to survive, and they need to be alone together in order to work through all the tension. Plus, it gives them plenty of time to talk to the Council.

Toddler Kenobi also tells himself that he'll take the blow and say he used a mind-trick.

Padawan Kenobi doesn't believe him yet, but Toddler Kenobi smiles like a very smug adult and says "you'll get there eventually". What he truly means is up in the air.

NEXT

Anakin, since waking up, knows much less than everyone else. Which is saying something.

He knows he's Smol. He knows he's Alone. He knows Someone has come and they are Strangers.

One thing about Anakin's instincts is that they are very much Survival Based. He was Feral when he joined the Jedi, only he had to hold those instincts back for most of his life bc of being a slave.

A slave cannot bite someone who approaches and Vibes Wrong.

By the time he felt okay with being Feral Out Loud, he also felt safe enough that he didn't need to activate his Survival Mode.

What I'm trying to say is that Anakin does not realize how strong his Feral Instincts are. He has absolutely no control over them rn.

When Mace decides to Help this child, this child is trying to Maul them.

Mace makes a small ruckus to draw Anakin's attention to him so Depa can move back. Depa pulls out her saber now that she won't hit the kid. The kid notices Purple and Bright and Lightsaber.

Lorge Jedi Mind says this is Good. Safe. Jedi.

Smol Feral Brain says this is Dangerous. Mean.

Anakin freezes on sight and just starts tracking Depa's saber. She does one of those things where a snake or something is focused and the person waves the fire or the food slowly to make sure the wolf is watching it and usually they toss the thing away so the snake follows it.

Mace instead takes this opportunity to wrap Anakin in his cloak. And Depa's cloak. And the spare ones in their bags.

Feral Child is not happy with this. Feral Child is also unable to scratch or Maul or do things other than bite and snarl.

Depa carries Feral Child while Mace comms the Temple and they walk back to their ship.

The Temple is having a field day.

First, one of their Shadows reports that a well-known bounty hunter got an emergency message from a pal of theirs that said Jango Fett needs help learning Togruta childcare.

Then they get a call from Dooku, which is not the mission report they wanted.

Yoda: Mission report, you have?

Dooku: Of a sort. We successfully spoke with the locals, then went to investigate a rather large disturbance.

Mundi: A disturbance?

Dooku: We found the source to be a Force-sensitive child.

Mundi: So you are here to ask for more time on the planet?

Dooku:...

Yoda: Bring the child back, you wish to?

Dooku, unapologetic: He is of an acceptable age to be admitted into the Temple, and no other beings were around at the time to entertain the idea of there being guardians.

The Council is sighing and muttering bc this is a Disaster Lineage (and they haven't even met the other two yet). Their call is interrupted by the sound of crying and Dooku saying the child's woken up.

Then there's another Shadow who sends a message saying a set of twins that seem like Death Watch were found by the heir of Clan Kryze.

Finally, to top everything off, they get a call from Mace Windu and Depa Billaba. Two very dignified, not-at-all chaotic Jedi from a perfectly respectable lineage.

Yeah, most of the Council and the Order itself forgets that Yoda had a hand in raising Windu. Yoda "Feral Grandpa" who throws children at every problem. Grandson isn't doing too well? Throw a child his way. Other grandchild is struggling to cope with grief? Throw another child their way. Oh, there's a war going on and newest grandchild is angry a lot? Here's a child!

The entire lineage has a soft spot for children.

Anyways...

Mace: Our mission was a success. We found the artifact and both specimens.

Koth: How long until your return?

Mace:...

Yoda: Found a child, you did?

Gallia: Master Yoda, that's a rather illogical guess. Once is unusual, twice is-

Mace: Oh, did Qui-Gon find a child as well?

Yoda, smugly: Bringing the child back, are you?

Depa, from the background, after a rather loud snarl is heard: We do not bite things, young one.

*more snarling*

Mace: We have no reason to believe he was not alone.

Tiin: *deep sighing*

Mundi: *mild confusion noises*

Koon, eagerly: Please send photos of this youngling. For the archives, of course.

Mace, nodding sagely: Of course.

*extremely loud yowl* *sounds of Mace turning*

Mace: DEPA!

Depa: He nearly bit off my finger!

Mace: That doesn’t mean you pinch him!

Depa: What else am I supposed to do?!

*sudden exclamation filled solely of Mando’a, Huttese and Twi’leki curses*

Mace: So, I don’t know if he speaks Basic, but Master Che should be able to talk him through a check-up.

Yeah, several Council members are experiencing headaches now. Normally, they would have some empathy for Mace and his own stress-induced migraines. They currently do not.

Right after that call, Dooku calls back to say that Obi-Wan has left without them.

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Dooku:

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Obi-Wan did not leave himself with the Masters. Obi-Wan has listened to Mini-Obi and is off on some wild space adventure to a criminal-run planet.

The toddler won’t stop staring at him. He asks for a name. The kid says to call him Ben.

OW: Is that your name?

“Ben”: It is a name I am called :)

OW: That isn’t what I meant.

“Ben”: I know :)

Ben also keeps staring at OW’s lightsaber. OW decides to make sure the kid doesn’t start playing with it when he isn’t looking.

MEANWHILE

Ahsoka has figured out that she was really very oh-so wrong. She’s on Mandalore. As in, the Mandalore that is under Jango Fett. Bc she’s with Jango Fett. He’s holding her hand bc she was nervous about the strange looking medic (who was just wearing armor, but not clone armor and civies don’t wear armor.)

Ahsoka knows very little about Jango Fett. Clone Buir, Mandalorian leader, tried to kill Master Kenobi. Also dead.

He asks how she got in. She shrugs. She is too small to fight back so she can’t let him know anything. Whatever everything is right now. But also, he doesn’t seem mean or evil or anything.

Oh yeah. Skyguy said that Mandos love children. That's why the clones were so protective of her, even with Skyguy on her side of the argument.

She decides to use this to her advantage. She can probably get herself a comm, and enough time to call the Temple. If she can convince them she at least knows a Jedi, then they can come get her and she'll work from there.

ELSEWHERE

Rex and Cody are getting really upset. This Duchess is really nice, but she's acting really weird and keeps insisting she's not actually called Duchess. No one will give them a comm, they keep getting weird looks for speaking Mando'a even though they're on Mandalore, and Satine's father keeps mentioning a Fett. Maybe Boba's set a bad example again.

Rex starts to fall asleep, to his chagrin. He's too bored, sitting and getting some abnormally extensive check-up. Cody is fine, but he's used to the calm that is General Kenobi. Rex usually has a Togruta teen in the vents and a Human that is never where he's supposed to be.

Rex does, in fact, fall asleep. His "twin" starts glaring when a doctor goes to wake him up. Cody makes it clear that his brother is like Cat: once asleep, you do not wake.

Satine is giggling, but trying not to let the others hear. Cody does. Cody looks at her. They have a stare-off.

Cody goes back to glaring at the doctors. He will not admit to any emotions besides Protect™.

BACK TO

Obi-Wan and Ben have made it to Tatooine.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I finally read the last chapter of your Cruel Intentions AU (I don't know how I missed it here, but I took the opportunity to read them all again on Ao3 and I noticed the last chapter) and there are two things I would like to talk about:

1. I ffffffff-ing love this story. They are so messed up, but at the same time, they are in love, and mean, but cute together, and they can actually bite off your jugular, and they are so soft with each other T_T

1.5. I really liked Lexa here, especially when she said to Hellen that she never saw Clarke and Jake as her family.

But on the other hand, Clarke is - with Gustus - her only family. I really liked that you used this phrase in this particular chapter. Because we're talking about a relationship (Lexa-Hellen/Clarke-Jake) that is going to probably break up, but another family is growing up and it's the one with Lexa and Clarke in it. I really like this dualism.

2. I really appreciated Clarke when she was up in a blink to strangle Hellen (or Helen? Like Helen Mirren, who knows?) because I have this feeling that Clarke is not a person that would physically defend anyone if not herself. I can totally understand why she is who she is, I mean, her mother abandoned her child when she was what? 4? 8? I can understand why she is selfish in her own desires, but not with Lexa (what a surprise 😳). She would destroy Lexa's mother with her bare hands. I love this change.

Clarke was:"Alright bitch, square up, you chose violence." and I'm totally here for it.

3. (I know I said "two things", but...) I adore that Clarke so spontaneously says "I love you" to Lexa and Lexa says the same in her own way, because I can't even start to comprehend what a toxic relationship with your own parents could provoke or lose a parent too, and to hear "I love you" from a person that you too genuinely love, phew honey, I think it's something that could actually put your heart on fire.

This made me feel so many things 🥺 thank you for reading it and I love this so much

They're very dysfunctional and yet they?? Work?? They get each other. Their traumas are so different yet so familiar and easily understood to the other. And the affection and appreciation for the other really is so pure because somehow out of the chaos of their lives they've finally found someone who ther can rely on. Someone who when they say they'll be somewhere they are and when they say they love you it's not with a single string attached other than wanting to be together.

And even tho their love languages are different, they're what each other needs. Clarke needs acts to know she's loved. Not even necessary grand gestures, she just needs closeness and tactile showings of affection, she craves that feeling of safety Lexa gives her. She needs the hugs and the arm around her waist and feeling Lexa's hand on her lower back. It's the first time since even before her mother left that she doesn't feel like she's alone or fighting or flailing.

Lexa tho, she's secure enough as it is as a person. She thrives on the more vocal things. Call her full of herself (she is), but it's the times when Clarke walks in and bursts into a smile with a lecherous "Hey, pretty girl" that make her melt. She likes feeling truly appreciated and adored. Even tho she doesn't say it much herself, every time Clarke says she loves her or missed her, Lexa goes a little emotionally feral and could honestly cry if she allowed herself to think on it too much, because Clarke's the first person to say those things since her father passed and actually make her believes it. Words can feel so empty in a world full of people who are paid to tell you what you want to hear, but they're never empty with Clarke.

They balance each other.

And you're absolutely correct about that change in Clarke, but again only with Lexa. Clarke is and was 100% the girl who would sit and continue sipping her mineral water while her "friend" got their ass beat at lunch and then pretend she hadn't even seen it go down, because honestly that's a you problem, not hers.

She's sUper sorry that happened to you tho🙂

[snickiebear]

AHEM

"Tenten cackles, sliding between Lee and Sakura awkwardly and leaning over to steal Sai’s drink. “Can’t believe you let the old bastard strong arm you into this.”

Sai narrows his eyes dangerously at Tenten. She smirks as she takes a long swig, swallowing noisily just to piss him off. 

Kiba rolls his eyes, huffing a laugh before meeting Sakura’s eye. She doesn’t know what he sees but he murmurs a very soft, very dangerous: “Oh.”

“What?” Tenten and Lee ask in tandem.

Sakura watches as Kiba exchanges a look with Sai, then glances back at her. His knuckles pale as he clenches his fists, fangs catching the low lights. Akamaru growls low in understanding and Sakura inclines her head. Kakashi’s mother had been an Inuzuka, meaning that Kakashi should have been theirs, should have been raised within their clan walls, and should have been loved like their own."

Pls and thanky :)

THIS IS LATE I AM SORRY but okok here is the break down :D

if you're unfamiliar, this is from my Role Swap/Sakura-sensei AU: ATIWYDWSN where sakura is kakashi, obito, and rin's sensei ;))

(also tagging @birkastan2018 and @murd3rm1ttens pls lemme know if im annoying lol)

"Tenten cackles, sliding between Lee and Sakura awkwardly and leaning over to steal Sai’s drink. “Can’t believe you let the old bastard strong arm you into this.”

okay so! tenten is a character that doesn't get enough attention and most of her characterizations rub me the wrong way lmfao PLUS tenten, lee, and sakura SHOULD HAVE BEEN BESTIES in canon. like they don't come from clans?? they've made themselves from their action and pain. like!!!!

anyways, my tenten is a brash, witty, and utterly feral woman who knows how to fuck someone up. she loves shiny, pointy things and can use absolutely anything as a weapon. i LOVE hER.

she's also one of sakura's besties, so her dialogue is both teasing and a touch of concern because the sakura she knows would never let herself be cornered into doing something she didn't want to, esp by the fucking SANDAIME.

Sai narrows his eyes dangerously at Tenten. She smirks as she takes a long swig, swallowing noisily just to piss him off.

did i also mention that tenten's a little shit whose fav hobby is to fuck with her male teammates? she eSP loves fucking with sai just bc she can LMFAO

i feel like this scene also keys readers into team ro's dynamic in this universe. yes, ANBU is full to the brim with fucked up, dark shit. and kiba, tenten, sai, and sakura are dangerous, wholly sinful ninjas who have done stuff that will never see the light of day but!! they're a team, a family. they care and love each other severely. i just really love toeing that line of juxtaposition. its like my favorite thing ever!!

Kiba rolls his eyes, huffing a laugh before meeting Sakura’s eye. She doesn’t know what he sees but he murmurs a very soft, very dangerous: “Oh.”

“What?” Tenten and Lee ask in tandem.

Sakura watches as Kiba exchanges a look with Sai, then glances back at her. His knuckles pale as he clenches his fists, fangs catching the low lights. Akamaru growls low in understanding and Sakura inclines her head. Kakashi’s mother had been an Inuzuka, meaning that Kakashi should have been theirs, should have been raised within their clan walls, and should have been loved like their own."

OHOHOHOOO

kiba and sakura understand each other on a level that most people won't be able to understand. (wink wink wink wink is this a hint for something idk u tell me lmfao)

so of course he would be the first one to notice and figure out what exactly for sakura to "comply" with the old man's orders. he knows that there are a very small amount of things that will make sakura bend to another's will: kakashi and obito being two of those.

kakashi's mother was an inuzuka, she was one of kiba's clanswomen. meaning, but clan law kakashi would have been theirs, and they had fought tooth and nail for custody but the sandaime denied it. tensions between the clan and him haven't been the same since. (and if some inuzuka kept an eye on him, protected his back, well. no one had to know, did they?)

i really love the HC that kakashi's mom had been an inuzuka and then his dad bonded to wolves. just really rounded out the whole "pack" thing i adore with kakashi. he's never had a pack despite his aching need to find one, to have people to protect. and now, now he does.

ooo man i looove talking about this fic!!! (ignoring the fact i haven't updated in like a month LMAOOOO) thank u sm for comin to talk with me flower <3333