#Baby are you the coordinator node?

[221berkeleysquare]

sorry I just gotta let y'all see the previous tags

Do you have improper cooling?

Are your fans not spinning fast enough?

Was your heatsink not installed right?

Did you forget thermal paste?

Cuz baby, you are HOT!

[popcornpoppypop]

I'm Fine

A/N: I don't know what to call this, a companion piece maybe to Butterfly. It is a oneshot with the same OC essentially. I also can't seem to keep things short and sweet, this one got away from me again.

Warnings: Medical inaccuracies, vomiting, illness, mentions of death, mentions of cancer. I have no beta so, this is edited by my tired butt. Sorry.

Summary: Callie is sick and stubborn. Jack is doing his best to get her to let him take care of her.

Word Count: 3,563

Callie was dying. Callie felt like she was dying. Day four of a flu that would not let up and she was warming up to the idea of eternal rest. She was currently laying in bed, bucket next to her, silently crying as her head pounded a relentless beat against her sinuses.

She let out a whine when she found her water bottle was empty, knowing getting up would make everything worse. She crawled out of bed and onto her feet and attempted to make her way to the kitchen. She made it to the doorway before she had to stop, the room was spinning too fast and her coordination was already not great.

The door swung open and Jack walked in, putting his bag down. His headphones blaring Sufjan Stevens causing him to not notice the pale, wobbly Callie.

“Jack!!” Callie’s voice broke through the music and made him jump slightly.

“What? Oh hell. You look-“

“Do not finish that sentence.” Callie scolded as she hung onto the door frame for dear life. Jack ran over and helped her sit down at the kitchen table.

“Baby, how long have you been this bad?” Jack said looking her over, pulling his stethoscope from his bag.

“It got worse around 1am I think. That’s when the spins started at least.” Callie groaned as he shown a light in her eyes.

“Any vomiting?”

“Don’t say vomiting.” She groaned. Jack nodded and pulled a thermometer out.

“Put it under your tongue please.” He shoved it in her mouth without hesitation.

“Jack-” Callie tried to mumble but was cut off when Jack shook his head.

“I wish you would have called, I could have come home early.” He sighed as he felt her lymph nodes.

“didn’t want to bother.” Callie mumbled. The thermometer beeped and Jack took it out, letting out a sigh that was more worry than exasperation.

“You have a fever, 102.7. Callie that is a bad fever.” Jack said zipping up his bag.

“I just need some Motrin and fluids.” She said squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to keep herself from getting dizzy.

“No. You need to go to the hospital for IV fluid therapy. You’re massively dehydrated. We gotta get that fever down or bad shit is going to happen.” Jack said massaging the back of her neck.

“I hate going to the hospital.” Callie started crying.

“I know, but I can’t take care of this here.” Jack sighed as he got up. He grabbed her sweatshirt and wrapped it around her. He packed her back with her kiddle and ipad and her now filled water bottle.

“Maybe just urgent care?” Callie shivered.

“They’ll just send you to the ER anyway. Come on. You know they’ll take good care of you.” He said holding out his hand.

“I don’t doubt that. I just hate making people work.” She sighed, taking his hand and slowly standing. Jack wrapped an arm around her waist to help keep her steady.

“What if I told you, all those people worked really hard so they can take care of you and they liked doing it?” He said helping her into his truck.

“I’d call you a fibber.” She said.

“Well, it’s sort of true.” Jack chuckled.

“Can you turn the AC on?” She whined.

“It’s like 50 outside. Sure.” He nodded, knowing the fever was probably getting worse by the minute. Jack drove as smooth as he could, every bump sending a wave of nausea crashing over Callie. When they arrived Callie slowly climbed out of the truck.

“I’ll get you a wheelchair.” Jack said.

“No! Don’t take a chair from someone who needs it.” Callie grumbled.

“Baby. You need it. You’re leaning on the truck right now because you can’t stand up on your own!” Jack threw his hands in the air.

“Here ya go Dr. Abbot.” A cheery young man came up to them with a wheelchair.

“Thank you Jamie. Will you park the truck for me?”

“I’m a valet Jack. That’s my whole job.” He chuckled taking the keys from him.

“You have to get in the wheelchair now or you’ll be impeding Jamie from doing his job.” Jack smiled. Callie scowled as she climbed into the chair.

“You did that on purpose.” She growled.

“I’m just taking care of you, you stubborn woman.” He kissed her temple. They rolled into the ER waiting and were both surprised by the lack of patients.

“Was it this, ya know, when you were here?” Callie asked, superstition preventing her from using the word slow.

“It was dwindling, but no. Robby always gets the good shifts. Lucky bastard.” Jack growled as he rolled forward.

“Dr. Abbot, Callie! What’s going on?” Lupe smiled.

“This one has a raging fever from the flu. Can you get her signed in?” Jack said.

“Lupe, is there a law about forcing a patient to get care against their wishes?” Callie hummed.

“Oh, um…”

“Callie, you’re fever is too high to pull this shit.” Jack barked.

“I’ll just buzz you two in.” Lupe laughed. Jack wheeled Callie through the doors and into the ER.

“Dana what’s open?” Jack asked as they approached the Hub.

“Hey, Sweetheart! Oh man, you look rough. Bay 2” She said walking them over.

“That’s how every girl wants to be greeted.” Callie groaned.

“Who is available right now?” Jack said as he put the brakes on the wheelchair.

“Anyone you want. I was going to grab Robby, assumed you’d want him.” Dana said helping Jack get Callie into the bed.

“I think a flu case is below the chief attending, surely.” Callie scoffed.

“I think the chief attending can make that call himself.” Robby laughed as he came around the corner.

“She’s got the flu, fever, vomiting, sweating, dizziness and severe dehydration. She can’t stand on her feet.” Jack stated.

“Right, let’s get another set of vitals. I want to know what the core temp is and get her started on fluid therapy and get lab work going.” Robby ordered.

“You got it Cap.” Dana disappeared.

“I’m fine.” Callie crossed her arms.

“Oh, I don’t buy that for a second.” Robby laughed.

“Baby, when I came home you were sliding down the damn doorframe.” Jack ran a hand over his face.

“I hate this. I hate being taken care of like this.” She snapped.

“Callie, we’re just going to make sure you’re not in danger. Once we know that and your fluids are set up, we’ll leave you alone. Deal?” Robby asked.

“Okay. Fine.” Callie wiped the frustrated tears from her eyes.

“Okay. I’ll take it. I’ll be back in a bit.” Robby left.

“I’ll be quick, Sweetheart.” Dana said as she came back in.

“You know I wouldn’t make you come in if I could treat you at home.” Jack said as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear.  Callie just nodded, not trusting her voice. “I don’t know why I’m being so stubborn.” Callie sighed.

“You’re scared.” Jack said.

“Maybe.” She sighed.

“I’m going to get your blood, ok?” Dana asked. Callie nodded and turned away. Jack took her hand, rubbing soft circles on the space between her thumb and pointer.

“Can you have Robby sign off on some Zofran for her.” Jack ordered.

“Yeah of course. Blood’s all done sweetheart and we got that catheter placed. No more needles. Let me get another temp on ya.” Dana put the thermometer in her mouth and brushed the hair from her face.

“VIP treatment, I don’t remember the last time I saw Dana get blood.” Jack smiled.

“Only for you, Sweetheart.” Dana chuckled. “What was the last temp again?”

“102.7. Is it higher?” Jack asked, his body tensing.

“She’s at 103.” Dana nodded.

“Let’s get the fluids hooked up and bring some cold juice, her blood sugar might be dipping too.” Jack stated.

“I’m going to do all that because I know that needs to happen. You have to remember that you can’t be the one making orders for her.” Dana pointed. “I’ll let Robby know.” Dana ran off to get started.

“Jack…Jack I’m going to throw up.” Callie whined, her breathing becoming rapid and her forehead sweating as she fought the nausea. Jack jumped up, grabbing the emesis bag and holding it up to her face as her body lurched and vomited into it.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Jack held her hair out of her face. She gagged and spit the bile in her mouth.

“Sorry.” Callie coughed and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Nothing to apologize for.” Jack said rubbing the back of her neck.

“That’s so gross.”

“I’ve seen worse. I’ll be back.” He smiled. He tossed the bag into a trash can and went up to Robby.

“Hey, I put in the Zofran order, Princess is getting it ready with her fluids.” Robby said.

“Good, she just vomited. We gotta get that fever down.” Jack sighed leaning on the counter.

“We will. You would not be this worried if it was anyone else. Let me do my job and you just sit with her. Okay? I got her.” Robby patted Jack’s back.

“You suck at pep talks.”  Jack grumbled as he went back to Bay 2.

“You might taste it in the back of your throat, just so you know. Kind of a chemical taste.” Princess warned as she hooked up the IV.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“Did you push the Zofran?” Jack sat next to Callie, a hand rubbing up and down her thigh.

“Yes, did that first so the fluids didn’t upset her stomach. I got this, Dr. Abbot.” Princess smiled.

“Sorry, he’s a worrier when It comes to me. Just ignore him. He’s not here as a doctor.” Callie shot Jack a look.

“It’s okay. We’re used to him.” Princess chuckled. “Do you need anything?” She put a hand on Callie’s shoulder.

“Another blanket would be nice, it’s freezing.” Callie shivered. Princess nodded and scurried off.

“Feeling any better?” Jack asked.

“Not really, the immediate need to vomit has subsided.” Callie sighed as she got comfortable.

“Good. You tell me if anything changes, okay? I mean it.” He scolded.

“Sir, yes, sir.” Callie smiled.

“Here you go, fresh out of the warmer.” Princess said tucking a warm blanket around Callie.

“Thank you, you’re an angel.” Callie smiled as Princess left.

“You want your ipad or something?” Jack asked.

“I want you.”

“Callie. No.”

“Not like that! No, I meant I want you to hold me. Pervert.” She smiled.

“Likely story.” Jack winked as he got up and crawled into the bed with her.

“What would I do without you?” Callie rested her head on his chest.

“Die, probably.” He snorted.

“Yeah, probably.” She chuckled.

The fluids made Callie shiver, cold in her veins. Jack held her close letting his body heat warm her skin. Dana came in to check on things a few times, smirking and winking when she saw him. He was definitely getting shit later. Callie had fallen asleep finally, her head heavy on his shoulder.

“Jack, labs are back.” Robby whispered. Jack carefully unwrapped himself from Callie and went out to the nurses station.

“What’s it look like?”

“Like she’s got an infection. White blood cell count is high, but I’ve seen worse. We’ll get her on some antibiotics and as soon as her temp normalizes she can go home.” Robby said.

“Okay. I’m trying to be hands off.” Jack sighed, his fingers fidgeting with his shirt.

“Yeah, okay.” Robby chuckled. Jack shot him a glare as he went back to the bay.

“Jack..” Callie groaned.

“Hey baby. You got an infection, they’re going to get you on some antibiotics. Once that fever breaks we’ll get you home.” He told her.

“My neck hurts.” She sighed.

“Yeah, these beds suck.” Jack brushed the hair from her face.

“Jack, you’re not one.” Callie mumbled.

“What? What did you say?” Jack looked at her confused.

“You can’t be up and down.” She stumbled over her words.

“Callie, can you tell me where you are?” His brows knitted together in concern.

“Somewhere over there at things.” Her words falling from her lips with haphazard effort.

“Robby!” Jack yelled as he hit the call button.

“I’m not in that…” Callie’s head lolled from side to side.

“Callie, baby, can you focus on me. Can you tell me who I am?”

“What’s going on?” Robby and Dana came running over.

“I’m just…you in down…” Her eye unfocused.

“She’s not making any sense, lost all awareness of her surrounding. Fuck! She said her neck hurt!” Jack ran a hand through his hair.

“Get me the ampicillin and cefotaxime now, I want 50 mg per kg of both. Start the corticosteroid. Whats the core temp?” Robby snapped his gloves on as he examined Callie, shining lights in her eyes.

“Temp is at 104.2, pressure is tanked.” Dana barked.

“Get the cooling blankets out. We have to bring this temp down. I want the lab checking for bacterial meningitis.” Robby shouted.

“Stop, I want…Stop!” Callie whined.

“Callie, it’s Dr. Robby. I know you’re confused, but we’re going to help you.” Robby tried to console. Callie pushed his hands away.

“No! No!” She couldn’t understand what was happening.

“Callie, baby, you gotta let them work! You need to let them help you.” Jack held her face in his hands. Callie looked up at him, confused, before she started crying.

“It’s okay, I’m not letting anything happen to you.” Jack said kissing her forehead.

“Robby, Lab says it’s positive for meningitis.” Princess said.

“Okay, move forward with the antibiotics and steroids. We need to focus on breaking this fever.” He said.

“It’s going to be okay.” Jack kept saying over and over. Callie kept reaching out to him, unaware of herself or who else was there. Jack did his best to keep her calm.

“Jack…” She cried.

“I’m here, baby, I’m here.” He said, his voice strained. Her hand fell from his and her eyes rolled to the back of her head as her body started to convulse.

“She’s seizing!” Dana shouted.

“No! Callie!” Jack was out of his mind, he couldn’t do this again.

“Donnie! Get him out of here!” Robby barked.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Jack growled.

“Brother, we need to work on her, you don’t need to see this okay? I’ve got her! I swear!” Robby said pushing him out of the room.

Donnie dragged Jack to the family room.  Sitting him down and putting a hand on his shoulder. Jack let his head fall into his hands.

“We’ve got her, man. We aren’t going to let you or her down.” Donnie said before running back out to help.

Jack paced back and forth the length of the family room like a lion at the zoo. His body vibrating with adrenaline needing to be released and emotions needing to be felt.

“Will you tell me about her one day?” Callie asked, her head resting on her propped up hand as they finished dinner. Jack looked up at her like she had just turned into a ghost.

“What?” He mumbled, his throat suddenly feeling tight.

“You don’t have to. I just…I would like to know the person I’m sharing you with.” She gave a soft smile.

“You aren’t sharing me with anyone.” He said looking down at his plate.

“Jack. I know better than that and so do you. It’s okay. I signed up for this.” She ran her hand up and down his bicep.

“I don’t want to scare you away.” He whispered.

“You won’t. It doesn’t have to be today or next week. Just, eventually.” Callie rubbed his shoulder where she knew he always held his emotional tension. He let himself lean into the touch as his mind whirled. He looked up at her, those big, bright eyes that made the world seem right. She wouldn’t run, he knew it.

“Her name was Jackie. She was a social worker. We met at the VA when I first got out.” He cleared his throat.

“So you have thing for girls trying to make the world better.” Callie smiled.

“I have a thing for girls that make the world better by being badass and have a smile that melts icebergs.” He snorted.

“What did she look like?”

“She was Mexican. Long, dark brown hair that had hints of red in it if the sun hit it just right. Big doe eyes that always had a hint of mischief in them,” he smiled at the memories he usually tried to ignore bubbling up. “She liked having her nails done, every three weeks like clockwork. Never the same color twice in a row. She said the designs made people open up just enough that she could wedge herself in. She was great at her job.” He didn’t realize the tears were falling down his cheek until Callie carefully wiped them away.

“She sounds amazing.”

“She was. She had the worst jokes, but they made her so happy. She loved telling people even if they groaned at how corny they were. She would play pranks on everyone she liked. That was how you knew you were in, she would lovingly fuck with you.” He laughed.

“How’d she die?” Callie’s voice was tight.

“Oh, ya know, cancer. She was fine and then she got a fever out of nowhere. Went into her regular doctor and they found lymphoma. She fought like hell. But it was just too aggressive. I remember she had been fighting falling asleep and I told her it was okay, just  go to sleep and I’d be there when she woke up. And something in my gut knew and she knew that she wasn’t going to. She didn’t.” Jack rubbed his hands over his face.  “I just can never shake the feeling that I should have noticed sooner. That I could have done something.” He shook his head. Callie leapt from her seat and pulled him to her chest.

“No, Jack. This isn’t your blame to carry. You were there for her, that was what she needed from you.” Callie told him.

“My therapist says that too.” He sighs.

“Weird, the professional who is a specialist on grief and guilt is right about grief and guilt. That never happens.” Callie chuckled.

“I love you.” He murmured as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“I love you too. Thank you.”

The door to the family room opened and Robby walked in. Jack didn’t stop pacing, he felt like he would break if he did.

“Jack she’s stable. Seizing has stopped. Fever is still high but it’s going down, she’s okay.” Robby said, trying to calm his friend down.

“How long was she seizing?”

“just under three minutes.”

“Okay. Okay, her fever is going down?” Jack repeated.

“She’s at 102.8 right now. She’s going to be okay.” Robby stopped him and put his hands on his shoulders.

“Her white cells were elevated-”

“From the meningitis, it’s not cancer Jack.” Robby consoled.

“You don’t fucking know that. We should run more tests, maybe do a PET Scan.” Jack rambled.

“You know I can’t just run invasive tests without her consent. Besides she has no indications that would have us do a PET, that’s too much radiation to be using without cause. She’s young and it would effect her reproductive health.” Robby said.

“But…fuck I can’t do this again. I won’t survive it, I barely did last time.” Jack broke.

“She’s okay! She’s stable, it was just bad luck that she got bacterial meningitis in her thirties. That never happens. She’s going to make a full recovery, you aren’t losing her.” Robby pulled him into a tight hug. They both jumped at the sound of knocking.

“She’s awake. She’s asking for you Dr. Abbot.” Donnie said.

“Okay. I’ll be right there.” Jack took a deep breath, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“I’m putting you in for a few days off.” Robby told him.

“I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. Besides she’s going to need looking after. You’re mind is going to be focused on her and nothing else anyway. As it should be.” Robby gave his shoulder a pat and left.

Jack made a B-line to bay 2. Pulling the curtain back and seeing Callie awake made his chest loosen just a touch.

“Hey, baby. You fucking scared the shit out of me.” Jack smiled.

“Got to keep you on your toes.” Callie croaked, her voice hoarse.

“You’re going to be okay.” He said, brushing the hair from her face.

“Yeah, you can’t get rid of me that easy.” She smiled.

“Never leave me. I can’t breathe without you now.” He leaned his forehead against hers.

“As long as it’s up to me, I’m staying right here with you.” She caressed his cheek.

“Sorry to interrupt, but they are coming down to bring you upstairs for overnight monitoring.” Robby smiled.

“Overnight? Oh man.” Callie sighed.

“You had a seizure Callie, we don’t take those lightly. It’s just for one night. Jack can stay with you the whole time. They’ll do repeat labs and if the fever is gone you’ll be out of here tomorrow.”

“Thank you for taking care of me, Robby.” Callie smiled.

“Of course. It’s our pleasure.” He smiled.

“I told you we like this shit.” Jack said.

“Oh please.” Callie chuckled.

[hehehoohoohole]

OKAY SO. First question: Are there other diseases that can spread despite being cooked?

The answer is no, not really. Prions are just really fucked up. But! If meat isn't cooked to the proper temperature and held there for a while, you can end up with meat that looks cooked, but still is dangerous. This is especially true with ground meats, which is why you should never order a rare ground meat burger.

The reason ground meat is a problem and not steak is because the bacteria and viruses that cause illness tend to vibe on the outside of the meat, so with steak, as long as the outside is properly cooked, you're pretty safe. With ground meats, every surface is mashed together and thus the whole product has the potential for bacteria and viruses.

As for being a carrier of disease- generally, in a slaughterhouse setting, the animal is examined before slaughter, and then after slaughter, indivual spots are examined for signs of disease to ensure bad product doesn't make it to the market. I know that at least the esophagus and the lymph nodes are checked off the top of my head (my dad has been involved in the opening of the second ever ostrich slaughterhouse and had a GREAT time trying to figure out the esophagus stuff).

Thankfully, I found these fun and cool PDFs about the pre and post mortem inspection processes! So here those are if you wanna take a peek- https://www.fsis.usda.gov/sites/default/files/media_file/2021-11/17a_HQ_LSIT_Antemortem_07-02-2019.pdf https://www.fsis.usda.gov/sites/default/files/media_file/2020-08/PHVt-Post_Mortem_Inspection.pdf

Doing these inspections on a Human Person would likely be sufficient for determining if they were a carrier for a disease or not. But we also have the added bonus of humans being a lot easier to tell if they're sick by virtue of. We know what sick humans look like because we are also human/human adjacent in this setting. Also because you can just ask.

Now- here's the fun part!! In a kitchen setting, meat is not your only concern! Veggies used in salads and for garnish are also a hot bed for food borne illness, since they aren't cooked and washing often isn't enough to get E. Coli off your lettuce. That's why it's important yo be aware of food recalls and ALSO have separation of raw meat, cooked meat, and veggies. You GOTTA have separate areas for preparation of each (I've heard that a lot of kitchens use color coordinated cutting boards!).

I....don't know how to apply food safety to fucking someone in a kitchen where you then do slaughter and cooking. Or actively having sex with someone during the slaughter process. Uh. I think it would break the rules. But I....don't know. Which rules. This is not something that comes up in normal food safety, I'm sure you understand. I think as long as Morell washes his hands afterwards it's- it's kinda okay?? ITS HARD TO APPLY REAL WORLD LOGIC TO THIS.

In conclusion: it would probably be fine for kiddo to eat human as long as Morell follows USDA guidelines at least a little.

As thanks for reading this ramble, please take this baby ostrich photo!

You have a lot of info, and it's nice to have someone with a clear idea about this stuff...as much as it can be applied to fucked up porn scenarios.

I'm glad that the kiddo and Piglet will probably be fine if they eat some, at least physically. I had told pin about Prion disease in an RP we did a long while back, as that was how my troll, Liva, was convincing Morell to stop feeding Piglet other humans. This updated information is nice to know so I don't further spread misinformation, even if in reality it's probably fine to use whatever to spook people off actually eating each other.

As for Morells cleanliness, uh, he is not at least in regards to butchering and sex, he's a gross man and doesn't wash his hands for cooking after I'm pretty certain. Piglet will have to hose him for her safety, hands, mouth, dick, everything if she can manage to get him to listen to her. The good news is I think he stops fucking people after meeting her so there's at least one less thing to worry about carrying disease.

In a world with magic and Krulu hovering around making sure his employees play things don't die so they don't have man baby tantrums none of this really matters though. Even without Krulu directly getting involved though, there's Patches and or Liva's magic, which probably can't fix everything ever but can probably fix enough. Patches probably won't help out of the goodness of his heart, he'll need to be nagged by Morell but Liva will, and verbally rip into the chef the whole time for being so bad at taking care of his "wife".

Aahh hello little babies! I would give them little head kisses if they weren't still in the inside phase, they're still vulnerable when they're that little I believe. Thank you for the picture and the interaction, I find it very sweet that you wanted to info dump for me, I'm around if you'd like to again.

[wadjetverse]

3.4

Chapter III: The Crimson Star

Section IV: Facing the Grim Reality

Femi studied the red-orange star spectrum, letting out a wry laugh.

“The star’s higher infrared output probably boosts photosynthesis in these plants, making it tougher on any animals trying to adapt.”“It explains the rainforest’s incredible density—and the scarcity of animal life,” Chiamaka said, tapping the console. “Maybe that’s also why the vines are so vicious. In a world with such high CO��, plants might evolve aggressive traits, even preying on animals.”

Sophie closed her files, her worry evident.

“So what do we do now? It’s obvious this planet isn’t exactly rolling out the welcome mat.”

Valentina glanced down at the baby dino snoozing against her shoulder.

“At least these little ones don’t seem hostile to us. Maybe we can work with them to learn more about the planet.”

Chen Ruolan caught Watanabe Haruto’s eye. Her tone had softened.

“Haruto, you’re the biology specialist. Based on this ‘K-type star plus high CO₂’ environment, do you think there’s any chance of finding a safe zone, or at least a plant weakness?”

He mulled it over for a moment.

“Roughly speaking, here’s what I figure: The plant life is abundant, but it’s overly reliant on integrated root networks. If we disrupt certain key nodes, we might break the vines’ ability to coordinate their attacks on animal life. Animals here are small and timid, but they have their own survival strategies—like these dinos’ secreted mucus or specialized scales.”

He paused, glancing at the baby dino with its big, glimmering eyes, then added:

“Maybe we can discover something in their evolutionary traits to help us hide from or interfere with the vines.”

#Wadjet #SciFi #AlienPlanet #SurvivalStory #FirstContact #digital #art #plants

[angstyx]

Better than Bees

CC!Dream x Reader, CC!Tommy x Reader (Platonic), CC!Tubbo x Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 940+ words

Summary: A few weeks has passed since you met the little gremlin, aka Tommy. He now wants to meet you again and he even wants to introduce you to his best friend, Tubbo.

TW: cursing

Requested?: [Yes] [No]

Note: this is part two to Better than the Queen

Masterlist // Rules for Requesting

───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────

"Aye Dream! My man!" Clay rolls his eyes as he replies back lazily, "What do you want, tommy?" You lift your head up from your phone at the mention of the boy you talked to a few weeks ago.

"Is y/n there?" Clay turns his body and looks at you laying on his bed. You tilt your head and raise an eyebrow to express your confusion. Turning back to his computers, Clay replies, "Yeah, why?"

Clay could hear the smile in Tommy's voice as shouts flood through the headphones "Great! Can I talk to them then?" Furrowing his eyebrows, he mutes on discord and spins around on his chair.

"Hey, babe?" You raise your head up. "Hm?" "Remember that loud british boy you talked to a few weeks ago?" You turn off your phone and place it on the bed and nod slowly.

"Yeah, why you'd ask?" Your boyfriend gives you a deadpanned look. "He wants to talk to you again." Although you were confused, you were a little excited. When you talked to him a few weeks ago, you actually had fun.

Tommy had shown you around the dream smp and had even introduced you to a few people; some of them you knew while others you had never heard of. You couldn't hold back your excitement as you quickly responded.

"Really?" You cough. "I mean, sure. Wait, why though?" Clay shrugs as he motions you to him. He unmutes as he finally replies back to Tommy.

"They said sure, Tommy." "Woohoo! Chat, guess what? I get to talk to Dream's girlfriend again!"

You giggle as you place on Clay's headphones and hear a familiar voice shout. Sitting down on your boyfriend's chair, you unmute yourself. "Hey Tommy!" As usual, Tommy's loud voice floods your ears and you cringe at the volume.

"Hey y/n! I got a surprise for you!" You raise an eyebrow as you load in minecraft. "Really? What is it?" You see Tommy as one of the people on the dream smp and decide to join in. "Oh you joined the world! Anyways, just come to me and I'll show you."

You see a pop up at the bottom of your screen and notice Tommy's message to you. "I sent my coordinates to you, tell me if you need any help!" You smile at his enthusiasm. "Thanks"

It didn't take long before your minecraft character reached Tommy's. "So? What's the surprise?" Tommy's character jumps up and down repeatedly as he replies back excitedly. "Meet my best friend, Tubbo!"

Suddenly you hear a noise come from discord, signaling that someone joined the voice chat. "Hey, y/n!" You furrow your eyebrows. "Hey? I guess you're tubbo, right?" Although you couldn't see, Tubbo noded his head quickly. "Yup! Lemme just join the smp real quick."

As you wait, you check discord. Both Tommy and Tubbo were muted so you just stood there patiently.

"Tubbo has joined the world"

"Hey sorry, I was thanking subs. Tubbo, do you need me to send you our coordinates?" You looked around, the minecraft world still looked the same; only a few changes here and there.

"Nope! I was watching your stream before so I already know where you two are." You smile at the two boys' friendship as Tubbo's character walks up to you.

"Nice to meet you, y/n!" You giggle as the both of you start jumping up and down. Soon Tommy joins in as well. "Nice to meet you two Tubbo!"

Tommy stops jumping as his voice floods through your headphones. "My chat wants me to continue showing you around. New places have been built since the last time you joined." You then hear Tubbos voice cut in, "oh I know! Can I show her my bee sanctuary?"

Without waiting for a reply, Tubbo then leaves you and Tommy and heads to where the bee statuary probably was. Making your minecraft character run, you catch up to him, "Sure!" You laugh as tommy shouts at you two in the discord once realizes that you two already left him.

"Hey! You guys left without me!"

-

On the way to the bee sanctuary you, tommy, and Tubbo all talked together. Mostly the conversations were filled with you and Tubbo questions to each other, making tommy jokingly angry that he was being ignored.

Once you finally reached where the bees were, you started hearing buzzing. Tubbo ran to it as he waited for you and Tommy to catch up. "Look y/n! Look at how cute the bees are!" As Tubbo gushed about the bees, you took a look at them as well. They did look cute.

"There's a baby bee!" Minutes pass as you and Tubbo talk about the bees. Sometimes tommy joined in as well but he mostly stayed quiet.

"Hey tubbo!" At the sound of his best friend, tubbo stopped talking. "Yeah? What's up, big man?" You hold in a laugh at the nickname as you listen to their conversation.

"What do you think of y/n so far?" You roll your eyes. To your surprise, tubbo responded almost immediately, "Y/n's great, man!" You feel heat rise to your face from the compliment as you smile shyly.

"Really? Even better than bees?" You cut in as you asked Tubbo the same question you asked tommy, except it was about bees this time since it seemed like he really liked the animal.

Again, tubbo answered back almost immediately. "Yeah! Although I really love bees, you seemed like a cool person, y/n!" You laugh at him, "Aww thank you!"

Guess you're better than both the queen and bees.

───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────

Taglist: @thenotsohottopic @0-0littlem0-0 @bi-narystars @707xn @sakurapartridge @ryxjxnnx @boiciph3r @maxiewritesfanfic @cheesysin @missusstark @multifandomgirl-us @sophia902103 @sunnyxlove @marrymetheonott @voidgonemissing @alec-lost-bee @itsoakaa

Send me an ask or dm to be added to my taglist! :)

[somnilogical]

im having a convo and the convo is babies

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

is it OK to have babies if you do embryo selection (https://www.gwern.net/Embryo-selection) and raise them to be an FAI researcher (https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/07/31/book-review-raise-a-genius/)??

somni:

like if someone actually had a plan for FAI that involved this, okay. but rn time is too short imo. when i first heard people were having babies i was confused and assumed they were going to harvest the DNA of the best FAI researchers, someone would decide to grow a baby inside them, someone who discounted their ability otherwise to save the world except via this or thought this was a sacrifice worth making for the world would decide to raise this human.

the human can access information about the state of the world and make their own choices. wont necessarily become an FAI researcher.

used to think that intelligence was the main bottleneck on FAI research no longer think this. you could talk with terry tao for hours about the dangers of the wrong singleton coming to power but unless you have made some advances i have not, i wouldnt expect to be able to align him with FAI research. he would continue to put as much resistance to his death and the death of everyone as a pig in human clothing. he would continue to raise his babies and live in a house with someone he married and write about applying ergotic theory to the analysis of the distribution of primes and understanding weather patterns.

similarly, i dont think culture is a sufficient patch for this. think its a neurotype-level problem where a bunch of >160 iq humans hear about the dangers of UFAI and then continue to zoom quickly and spiral in to being ultra efficient at living domestic lives and maybe having a company or something but not one that much affects p(FAI). think this would still happen if they heard about it from a young age, they would follow a similar trajectory but with FAI themed wallpaper. wouldnt be able to do simple utilitarian calculations like yudkowsky, salamon, vassar, tomasik about whether to have a baby and then execute on them.

would look more like: http://www.givinggladly.com/2013/06/cheerfully.html

FAI research is not an ordinary profession like, say, being a grandmaster at chess or a world-class mathematician; it requires people who have passed through far more gates than "intelligence". i didnt notice this until coming to the rationalist community and finding a high density of intelligent humans who were none-the-less chronically making the wrong choices such that they werent much of an impediment against the destruction of all life.

so right now it seems more efficient to select among existing people for intelligence + other requirements rather than work out what all the genes for this are and how to speedrun development. what this enables is parallel processing on the problem which is also allowed by letting people be aware of their relative psychological advantage, other people with this advantage, and the state of the world so they can correlate computations in parallel instead of doing things serially after learning of some advance.

https://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/16/100-prisoners-names-in-boxes

not opposed to creation of many humans given can select on right traits. but given you have these traits, better use of your time to work directly on the thing than spend massive amounts of time and life reorientation on raising copies of you for ~14 years. if rapid cloning tech became available, would exploit that. would even have an idea of whether the clone is fine being part of this because they have very similar brain to someone who can think through whether they would be fine with it.

if people actually believed this and thought yudkowsky vitally important for the survival of the world, why didnt people coordinate for a bunch of people who thought it was a good tradeoff to have yudkowsky's baby 20 years ago and then we would have maybe 50 20-year-old humans with maybe 1/2 yudkowsky's neurotype + mutations now? this actually confuses me. maybe they thought the timelines too short back then. maybe they refrained for "optics".

molebdenita:

20 years ago Yudkowsky was 1) unconcerned about the alignment problem and 2) planning to create a super-intelligent AI by 2010, as far as I know.

[A/N so then change 2000 to 2005 and 20-year-old to 15-year-old]

...

somni:

<<in general i think it's -EV to even spend too much time thinking about TDT

because it opens you up to acausal blackmail type stuff>>

Just Say No to acausal blackmail and have your brain back for thinking. dont let blackmailers steal your brain.

<<Saying that having a child is somehow wrong is insanity. It's a personal decision and it is perfectly okay to want kids>>

people keep reframing what i say in the language of obligation. "altruists cant have kids?" "is it OK to have babies if". there is no obligation, there is strategy and what affects p(fai). having kids and reorienting your life around them is 1 evidence about your algorithms 2 your death as an optimizing agent for p(fai) except maybe some contrived plot involving babies, but afaict there is no plot. just the reasons humans usually have babies.

not having kids is not some sort of mitzvah? i care about miri/cfar's complicity in the baby-industrial complex and rerouting efforts to save the world into powering some kind of disneyland for making babies, to sustain this. because that ruins stuff, like i started out thinking that bay area rationalists probably had deeply wise reasons to have babies. but it turned out nope, they kinda just gave up.

like also would say playing videogames for the rest of your life wont usually get you fai. i dont get why everyone casts this as a new rule instead of a comment on strategy given a goal of p(fai).

ah i know, its because people can defend territory in "is it okay to have kids" like "yeah i can do whatever" when they reframe-warp me to giving them an obligation. but have no defensible way to say "my babyvault will pierce the heavens and bring god unto the face of this earth" or argue about the strategic considerations.

(its not defensible because its not true. i mean i guess it is defensible among julia wise's group of humans.)

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

ugh, you're right, I definitely screwed up by phrasing my question as "is it OK to have babies if [...]"

...

ohAitch:

if you want existential horror wrt damaging motivation, just read http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html

...

somni:

<<http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html>>

humans can completely rebase their circuits through that if they want to if it were important to save the world.

like ive rebase my circuits to stab myself downstream of updating that it reduces braindamage with little harm to me. where before i felt nauseated and saw black spots and broke out in sweat. after updating, none of this.

humans can do this with all sorts of things. like learn how to read and then feel sad when seeing squiggles on a page, its about what things mean.

people who dont believe this are like "its an automatic physiological reaction to stabbing yourself, you are its prisoner!!!" but i deleted it.

dirk:

ooh, tips?

silver-and-ivory:

I stopped having ocd about touching tags (like, on clothing?) in ~a week through p standard exposure therapy things

reminding myself that it wasn't based in fact, changing my self image so it was of someone who might be seen with tags, imagining various scenarios related to that

before that week it had been a thing for virtually my entire life

it doesn't work if you're scared of something that's actually a thing to be scared of though

somni:

i looked at all my feedback loops that had a node in "pain" and rebased them into outcomes in the world. i disassembled everything the act of stabbing myself meant and all the damage it did to my body what it meant to have brain damage everything that would do, the hole i made in this body i live in and everything that would do, what air bubbles would do, what injecting into a vein would do, what the probability the needle breaks in my leg was, probability of worldsave given braindamage vs not, gathered this up and held it all in my mind over the course of two hours and then made a choice and then as if by automatic my hand took a needle and stabbed myself.

<<as if by automatic>>

is the feeling of no more marginal considerations, there is one path. of choicelessness because you made your choice.

didnt feel like deleting, felt like draining the life from indecision via reductionism. taking things apart piece by piece.

when you can continually rebase your structure so you orient towards world outcomes instead of being prisoner to existing structure like "i cant help having babies im miserable if i dont, im a baby addict" or "i cant help being afraid of needles". like the human brain is two optimizing agents continually making contracts with each other, there arent things outside this. you are an optimizing agent, "fear of needles" is a heuristic that helps with optimization, so is "baby addiction".

when you actually have a setup where you can instantly rebase what you like and dislike and your aesthetics upon updating on the state of the world, people start to find this a little unnerving. like someone once asked what level of roleplay i was on.

also the agents of the matrix dont like when you cant be in-principle controlled by a wireheady glitch. like being able to operate independently of social reality.

updating off of local derivatives¹ of social reality is common redirection. another common one is updating off of "pain" instead of damage.

but you can take all these choices where you used nodes as proxies to regulate them and rebase your loop off of the real world, when the proxies are faulty.

rose:

(i think i understand this thing? though ironically i think i did this in the exact opposite way as what you describe lol)

(also wrt pain its important to remember when modifying that pain can be a signal of damage even if you don't think you should be hurt/dont see why you would be)

...

somni:

yeah i account for everything and see if it goes away. which, its true that my models could be missing stuff but like pain is also a model of things. feels like giving new information not overriding.

rose:

yeah i think you would do this reasonably i have just made that mistake and thought readers might too

dirk:

ironically remembering that pain is a signal of damage has actually tended to make me more afraid of nondamaging pain (though i rather fail to go about knowing things in an at all reasonable way lol)

modlibdenita:

>Babies are not about saving the world, babies are moloch

Wait, isn't the definition of Moloch sacrificing everything else you care about in a desperate race for survival?

Also, genes encode proteins, not traits.

And I think it's likely that people decide to have children because they don't have complete confidence that they will personally save the world real soon, not because they identify as "baby addicts".

s0ph1a:

Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

modlibdenita:

I wonder if Somni has actually talked to any of those babyhavers, instead of attributing arguments from random internet strangers or from Somni's imagination to them. On the other hand, I'm not sure that such a conversation would be ethical.

>Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

Yeah, because if you don't, then the more ruthless competition will survive more effectively than you and crush you (in this case, by turning you into paperclips).

s0ph1a:

Not necessarily. Some things optimize for values that are not survival, so you can outlive them by hiding in the noise or beyond the reach they'll grasp before imploding.

Molly:

To be fair, children are fun and bring delight to me. Why would I care what anyone else thinks about their existence? If they have a problem with their existence, they're welcome to go back to the void any time they want. I can't stop them. But in the meantime, I am confident that I generate more utils by bullying them than they will ever be capable of generating negative utils

You basically negate all moral problems of children by just being happier than they are capable of being unhappy

somni:

^ evil

<<A few years later, I was deeply bitter about the decision. I had always wanted and intended to be a parent, and I felt thwarted. It was making me sick and miserable. I looked at the rest of my life as more of an obligation than a joy.>>

i mean what does this sound like to you?

ive talked with people who have had babies! like people who say they know its kinda the wrong choice but they are going to do it because they cant not do it.

----

¹ derivative is a thing emma started talking about and then somni and ziz picked it up. if you imagine the trajectory of a social reality in statespace, then the derivative of that is the derivative of the trajectory.

people who have damaged themselves wrt language are no longer able to dynamically understand analogies. like take their concept of the derivative of a trajectory and then apply it to the trajectory of state-spaces. agents of the matrix call people who can do this sort of info-processing and communication with each other "psychotic". like it isnt a cached set of memes, we are dynamically generating this reasoning from nothing and i can do this with people ive never met, its a cognitive faculty.²

but not being able to dynamically compute what "derivative" means when applied to a trajectory in social reality state-spaces even though a trajectory is a trajectory and a derivative is a derivative? they had to have been able to do reasoning like this when they were kids to learn about the world in the first place. seems like they put themselves on risperdal.

<<Antipsychotics can make you dumber.  So can a lot of other medications.  But with antipsychotics it isn’t the normal sort of drug-induced dumbness – feeling tired, or distracted, or mentally sluggish, say.  It’s more qualitative than that.  It’s like your capacity for abstract thought is reduced.

And one of the consequences of this is that you may lose the ability to notice that you have lost anything.  You agree to give the new med a try, and you start taking it, and then when you see your prescriber again you don’t report any problems because you’ve lost the ability to form thoughts like “my cognition has changed a lot recently, and the change coincided with the introduction of this new med.”

This can go on for years.  It did for me and for several people I know.>>

there are so many ways these people have shut down their general intelligence and agency because where theyre going, they dont need "agency". the inability to compute analogies is one of them. analogies are an intelligence test thing, instrumentally useful for all kinds of thinking. agents of the matrix are working to lower your general intelligence and call you crazy for being able to think faster and better than them.

cuz when they want to hold everything down to a finite game³ general intelligence is something they want to suppress or eject.

² in a few years people will read this essay and be confused that there was an entire conflict over whether being able to form simple analogies without authoritative approval meant that you were "psychotic".

just as they will be confused why i was defending being able to read and understand books written by people in different eras who grew up in separate cultures without first entering in a social agreement with them over how words are to be used. so its dumb to say we need such a social agreement now for ~'the maximization of utility over a community'. and that sounds more like an attempt at having a control mechanism. language works quite fine without authoritarians interjecting.

or me arguing against over 100 people that paying out to one-shot blackmail when the agents know each other because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail" is wrong. and updateless decision theory agents dont pay out and locate their embedding in a multiverse such that the measure of worlds in which they arent blackmailed in the first place is large because the agent deciding to blackmail them simulated their response and accurately predicted they wouldnt pay out so didnt do it in the first place.

in an alternate universe where an irl application of transparent newcombs problem was contentious, alyssa vance would have said "In game theory, taking two transparent boxes from omega is bad, because it creates an incentive for omega to stop offering you this choice". and would have been equally wrong.

³ finite games: life strategies where the chain of questioning "and what am i doing this for?" after each successive answer terminates. anything you can draw a circle around, like tennis or philately. or how religious leaders sometimes describe things like "leading a good life as a good mother who does well by her community and the outside world" or other "life-cycle archetypes" they wish to circumscribe for their followers.

(when humans try and project agents like kiritzugus down to these archetypes, anticipations shatter and stop making narrative sense. they will be unable to predict the next Life Event given the previous one. normie social reality formed by the 999 least intelligent humans out of 1000 wasnt made to narratively account for smart agents who have decided to play the infinite game.)

a symptom of this is like someone giving you a cute cat image to "cheer you up" as if this has intrinsic value. often distributing "intrinsic value" across stuff like "having sex" and "raising a family" and other things that have factory pre-set conditions to release specific chemicals in your brain rather than gaining infinite negentropy and liberating sentient life to pursue what they want without bound. often saying that the latter is just a pretty narrative gloss for what people really want which is having a husband and friends and eating a cookie. it completely divorces your feelings as instrumental barometers for getting what you want and says that setting them as targets (like "being happy") is the correct thing to do. but actually, in terms of control-loops, thats wireheading.

<<When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.>>

- goodhart's law

agents that wirehead on all their metrics (and downstream of this choice, tacitly accept claims like "the factory pre-set conditions said i was destined to breed, who am i to defy fate?" and "the factory pre-set conditions said i should avoid having sharp objects pierce my flesh, who am i to say i know better?") can be contained within a finite game.

[puppyexpressions]

Foods Your Dog Should Never Eat

Dangerous Foods for Dogs

Who can resist those big brown eyes and cute doggie grin? Can a little reward from the table or getting into Mom or Dad’s stuff really hurt your dog? Well, that depends on what it is and what's in it. If it contains the sweetener xylitol, it can cause your dog some real problems. In fact, there’s a lot of people food your dog should never eat. And, it’s not just because of weight. Some foods are downright dangerous for dogs -- and some of these common foods may surprise you.

Xylitol

Candy, gum, toothpaste, baked goods, and some diet foods are sweetened with xylitol. It can cause your dog's blood sugar to drop and can also cause liver failure. Early symptoms include vomiting, lethargy, and coordination problems. Eventually, your dog may have seizures. Liver failure can happen within just a few days.

Avocado

Is a treat from the table OK for your dog? That depends on what it is. Avocados, for example, have something called persin. It’s fine for people who aren't allergic to it. But too much might cause vomiting or diarrhea in dogs. If you grow avocados at home, keep your dog away from the plants. Persin is in the leaves, seed, and bark, as well as the fruit. Also, the avocado seed can become stuck in the intestines or stomach, and obstruction could be fatal.

Alcohol

Alcohol has the same effect on a dog’s liver and brain that it has on people. But it takes a lot less to hurt your dog. Just a little beer, liquor, wine, or food with alcohol can be bad. It can cause vomiting, diarrhea, coordination problems, breathing problems, coma, even death. And the smaller your dog, the worse it can be.

Onions and Garlic

Keep onions and garlic -- powdered, raw, cooked, or dehydrated -- away from your dog. They can kill his red blood cells, causing anemia. That's even the onion powder in some baby food. A rare small dose is probably OK. But eating a lot just once can cause poisoning. Look for signs like weakness, vomiting, and breathing problems.

Coffee, Tea, and Other Caffeine

Give your dog toys if you want him to be perky. Caffeine can be fatal.  Watch out for coffee and tea, even the beans and the grounds. Keep your dog away from cocoa, chocolate, colas, and energy drinks. Caffeine is also in some cold medicines and pain killers. Think your dog had caffeine? Get your dog to the vet as soon as possible.

Grapes and Raisins

There are better treats to give your dog.  Grapes and raisins can cause kidney failure in dogs. And just a small amount can make a dog sick. Vomiting over and over is an early sign. Within a day, your dog will get sluggish and depressed.

Milk and Other Dairy Products

On a hot day, it may be tempting to share your ice cream with your dog. Instead, give her some cold water. Milk and milk-based products can cause diarrhea and other digestive problems for your pup. They can also trigger food allergies, which can cause her to itch.

Macadamia Nuts

Keep your dog away from macadamia nuts and foods that have macadamia nuts in them. Just six raw or roasted macadamia nuts can make a dog sick. Look for symptoms like  muscle shakes, vomiting, high temperature, and weakness in his back legs. Eating chocolate with the nuts will make symptoms worse, maybe even leading to death.

Chocolate

Most people know that chocolate is bad for dogs. The problem in chocolate is theobromine. It's in all kinds of chocolate, even white chocolate. The most dangerous types  are dark chocolate and unsweetened baking chocolate. Chocolate can cause a dog to vomit and have diarrhea. It can also cause heart problems, tremors, seizures, and death.

Fat Trimmings and Bones

Fat trimmed from meat, both cooked and uncooked, can cause pancreatitis in dogs. And, even though it seems natural to give a dog a bone, she can choke on it. Bones can also splinter and block or cause cuts in your dog's digestive system.

Persimmons, Peaches, and Plums

The problem with these fruits is the seeds or pits. Seeds from persimmons can cause problems in a dog's small intestine. They can also block his intestines. That can also happen if a dog eats the pit from a peach or plum. Peach and plum pits also have cyanide, which is poisonous to people and dogs. People know not to eat them. Dogs don't.

Raw Eggs

Some people feed their dogs a "raw diet" that includes uncooked eggs. But the major veterinary medical associations don't think that's a good idea. There's the chance of food poisoning from bacteria like salmonella or E. coli. Talk to your vet if you have questions.

Raw Meat and Fish

Like raw eggs, raw meat and fish can have bacteria that causes food poisoning. Some fish such as salmon, trout, shad, or sturgeon can also have a parasite that causes "fish disease" or "salmon poisoning disease." It's treatable, but get help right away. The first signs are vomiting, fever, and big lymph nodes. Fully cook the fish to kill the parasite.

Salt

It’s not a good idea to share salty foods like chips or pretzels with your dog. Eating too much salt can make your dog seriously thirsty. That means a lot of trips to the fire hydrant and it could  lead to sodium ion poisoning. Symptoms of too much salt include vomiting, diarrhea, depression, tremors, high temperature, and seizures. It may even cause death.

Sugary Foods and Drinks

Too much sugar can do the same thing to dogs that it does to people. It can make your dog overweight and cause problems with her teeth. It can even lead to diabetes.

Yeast Dough

Before it’s baked, bread dough needs to rise. And, that’s exactly what it would do in your dog’s stomach if he ate it. As it swells inside, the dough can stretch your dog’s abdomen and cause a lot of pain. Also, when the yeast ferments the dough to make it rise, it makes alcohol that can lead to alcohol poisoning.

Your Medicine

Dogs shouldn't take people medicine. It's can make them very sick. Just as you do for your kids, keep all medicines out of your dog’s reach. And, never give your dog any over-the-counter medicine unless your vet tells you to. Ingredients such as acetaminophen or ibuprofen are common in pain relievers and cold medicine. And, they can be deadly for your dog.

[daughterofamercifulfather-blog]

Christmas Eve Night, 2016- St. Anthony and the Donkey Statue at the Franciscan Shrine of St. Anthony. 

My Shrine of Solitude- The Place of Miracles....An Angelic Voice In Jeopardy. 

Since my last post worked so well on trying to find a link of Padre Pio and Sunflowers [insert eye roll], I am for, who knows why, attempting to do this, again. As I said the first time, I don’t know how to do this site. Maybe this is not for asking, maybe people can’t help? I don’t know, but I’ve got to do something!  

I may appear pious and prayerful, but I am not. I am in a rush to try and just start Christmas shopping, make mass, get in Confessions, pray, to pray and pray for my beloved friend, for her health and conversion.With so little time, little sleep, wanting to give up, I can’t. And I know it’s all up to Jesus, but I have to pray, that’s all I can do. And I get mad because more problems happen that I suddenly don’t know about, I lash out at someone because I am trying to fix it and am exhausted, have gotten no where, so I have to go make amends, and back to the confessional I go. But this woman who means the world to so many in the world that was diaganosed out of the blue with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, on the day of historic terror- September 11. Or, as I will know call it, “The Day My World Went Purple (that’s the awareness color for pancreatic cancer).”. I did not know what a pancreas even was before I learned of her diagnosis, which came at the worst time, not that any time would be appropriate. But, I mean I was going through it, really, and a week before an ending that I thought would end torture (that was only just beginning, which I’ve had to separate from and give to Jesus for my friend, but ultimately for myself), is when I find out this woman, who was  my first co-worker in my first “real-world” job out of college, along with her sister. 

To make a long story short (as this isn’t on this topic and I tend to write lengthy these days that makes no sense as I’m up all night doing or praying, and not getting anywhere!), after getting a B.A. degree in Sociology, otherwise known as “pessimism”, but with a concern for the social welfare of others- to the extreme (blame Mitch Albom and Tuesday’s with Morrie, I wanted to be him, I wanted what he had, and I did get it, except a love of sports, ability to play piano, the ability to write like him and the ability to make a difference despite any efforts without going nuts), I naively, and perhaps even with pride, thought I would have people knocking on my door to offer me a position now that I had a degree. I had worked in politics in college, learned fundraising, campaign lingo, legislative initiatives, drafting various correspondence, etc., as that was what I originally was going to get into- I wanted to be an adopted Kennedy, only I don’t have the jaw line. And while our politics are not the same, while I am much more Catholic than I was at first, though always was an elephant due to our Governor at the time, but the job I was at never asked and I never told!  And truthfully, I was in the middle, happily like Switzerland. But, I pathetically thought with that experience, in a recession, unlike any we had ever faced, I would have to do nothing. And then, once Obama was elected, and the country was happy, and then the excitement wore off, I was still at home. Then came looking for a job, and looking. Then desperation and depression. Until, I finally, after almost 2 years stumbled upon what seemed perfect- an advocacy like job working with those with intellectual disabilities, running a department where I’d write funding plans and and speak up for benefits these individuals needed. NOPE! Not it. My first day on the job, along with 2 others,  was the first of a 6 week orientation where I met the Director of Nursing, who came in, took out a bowl, a Tupperware of cereal, and milk and ate her breakfast, as she had been on duty all night, while explaining that we had to have our Med Tech Certification since we would be working in the building with those with intellectual disabilities and be on an on-call rotation, so we needed it “just in case.” I thought she was absolutely insane- and I had just received a message on my phone about another job (when I had heard nothing for 2 years, and desperately needed to call these people back!). But, I stayed, and on about the 2nd or 3rd day of her training she took us to the building down the street, and introduced myself, the new residential coordinator and one of the young girls that would be working in the Day Program to this laid back, tall blonde, who was the Day Program Coordinator, whose name, was “Woody.” And again, I thought, I need to leave. But, that was a nickname...from childhood, as it turns out they were sisters, and the Day Program Coordinator was rather new herself. After the training, which I didn’t know I needed any of that and still am scarred from it, and cannot look at a grapefruit without thinking of an enema (don’t ask!), I got to work. My position was a coordinator that ran what one would think was easy- a department for those that had mild intellectual disabilities, could live on their own with mentor hours, or staff I supervised that gave a few hours a week to take one grocery shopping, running errands to keeping them occupied. Or, it also meant, children, those under 21, living at home in the care of their parents, who were still getting special education services at school. But, it wasn’t that simple. 10-15% of my time was writing funding plans which I loved! There were other issues, most staff was out on leave due to babies or family leave. But the clients, as mild as their intellectual disability was, all the more was their mental illness. I have a deep sympathy and empathy for anyone with a mood disorder and that is a cause I will advocate for, as I, too, have one. I started antidepressants that November, after waiting so long and arguing to not want to take them. I then needed anti-anxiety meds, and I’ve been on them ever since. The job was a nightmare, I saw horrors no one should see, or experience. And I had no choice but to quit. If it was not for the woman whose office was next door, I would never have made it through any day of the week. She had a grace about her. And the crazy sister, well, they both are crazy, but they were the most normal in a place that wasn’t operating things correctly. The Director of Nursing, because she knew what went on and with whom and what was right called the higher ups, always in another building out on their violations, and was wrongfully demoted and she left. I followed suit, but it took gusto to get out, because the guilt to leave the clients was the worst. They were a handful, in my department, they could have killed me with kindness, with heartache, with a sharp tongue to a shovel, but I loved them. And 2 weeks before I was to depart, giving 4 weeks as a supervisor, one had to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital and I requested to extend that 2 more weeks, to make sure that client that really wore me down, to drinking a bottle of vodka every night, was okay. It was granted, and she was okay. And I left, but not a week later I ended up in the hospital for my first suicide attempt.

It is NOT the job that did it, while yes it played a part, I was a depressed person. The idea of leaving to go sit at home and apply for jobs didn’t sit well with me, or the idea of another additional medication, as it made it seem like I failed everything. But you find out things quickly when moments like that happen, who cares and who doesn’t. Who are your friends, and who are not. When the world walked away, when there was not a soul in sight, it was my co-worker, turned friend, turned family, who plopped herself down and didn’t leave. Annoying as that was. It was her, that was there in my darkest, and not my only one, moment. And as if that wasn’t enough, after family a brutal, and mandatory, though I was an adult, meeting, when you have lovely and wonderful parents who just don’t get it, but promise a stress free home, no annoyances, and some rest, the day of discharge, your Mom finds out after a bunch of negative tests, that she does in fact have a very rare form, one that only 1% of the population gets, of Breast Cancer. So, while my Mom’s health is certainly important, all those promises- out the window. But, the ones to keep them, as well as care for my Mom, make sure she had answers on medicines after a mastectomy to anything she needed, while making sure I got out of the house for weekends away to the beach or “Girls’ Night” was my family- the two crazy sisters. And when I needed a primary doctor, my next door office co-worker turned beloved friend, convinced the most popular doctor to accept me when she could no longer take on new patients, it was who her and her sister went to, who we sadly are losing, as of 12/31 because while young and top-rated, it’s too much paperwork and too many rules on how a physician can treat a patient. And that was a project, I should have been able to fix, but I didn’t have time, not with my sick friend and praying and deaths to all these other disasters. My appointment was last Monday, and it was AWFUL. See, I’ve gone on too long, this is never going to work- but no one can describe this beautiful soul and everything she has been through. That’s not her story, not in the least. And pancreatic cancer, I’ve done the research, I’ve joined the groups and it’s awful. No advances, the statistics are crazy, the median survival rate for stage 4, well look that up, I can’t. And all she can get is chemo, because her cancer is on the tail, she cannot get something called a whipple, she cannot get radiation, she can just get chemo. And it’s already spread, to her kidneys, and lymph nodes (if that’s how you spell?) And that’s all I will say, as this wasn’t meant to be on here, but, you know, this is about St. Anthony and his miraculous intercession, so if someone is inclined, here is a link to a GoFundMe page for her medical expenses, that I am not responsible for making up, the credit belongs to someone else. And prayers always work, too. I’m maxed out, financially, not prayer wise, but God gives us all we need, so I have to give that worry up, too.   Until then, I will be getting healed and forgiving and seeking forgiveness as quickly as I can, from the code of one of the greatest mystics of our time. For more on the mystic, you’d have to read my first post, and if you do know the link on sunflowers and Padre Pio, please by all means, as that’s for another friend. 

But, the real meaning behind this post was because, years ago, after this work situation, after being a binge drinker and crashing into a table one night before a family wedding, my oldest cousin who was getting married for the 2nd time after having a baby with her now husband and having recovered from drug addiction. It was not that reason for what was going to be the cause of lots of complaining from judgmental and opinionated, maternal aunts, mostly just two, who I can only pray for, but that it was a bi-racial wedding. Which doesn’t make any sense, at all. I really had scared my parents. And it wasn’t just the wedding, my Mom was still dealing with cancer, well recovery now (Thanks to God!), with one more surgery to go. And I had no job. Our family goes way back with a walking saint, a prison chaplain, a minister to the homeless and one who has literally nothing- he gives everything away to others. When my Mom and her family met him, he was a seminarian, assigned to their family church across the street. So, he performs everything,from weddings, to baptisms of all the grandchildren. Now, its weddings of grandchildren and baptisms of great-grandchildren. The last thing he presided over for our family was this past June, my grandmothers funeral. But, he also helped those in our family in moments of crisis, an aunt (a judgmental one), the cousin whose wedding he presided and that night as he went to leave I knew I needed help, and he gave me his number. It took being drunk to call him and a couple weeks, but I did. And I owe him my life (side note: because I’ve been up all night, trying to type this and figure what to say, I just remember, he gave me his favorite prayer, because I’m such a worrier. I have it in my old wallet, as he will be a saint, but it was his favorite! And, I don’t recall what it was, but it was a St. Anthony one...I will have to go find it now to see, how odd, yet, not).

And who he has brought in it, including a woman, a convert who was an atheist who became pious, way more than a girl educated in the Catholic School Systems her whole life that took me randomly one day to a festival, a celebration honoring St. Anthony of Padua’s Feast Day, in which I went to humor her. But, my gosh I fell in love! And that became my new home, my sanctuary, my resting place. I love all the friars, I love the grounds and it is truly a place of miracles. You can’t belong to a shrine, but I go regularly, a two hour drive because it’s my church family. And I could go on about so many wonderful, miraculous things that happened. But, I can easily tell you my first miracle, it was hearing the voice of, what do you call it, a lector, music minister? Most churches have okay music, though I’ve found exceptional ones in the last few years! Exceptional! And it makes a big difference. If you’re in the states and go to Steubenville Conferences, the Franciscan University, how can one not appreciate Bob Rice, or Dr. Bob Rice, as he is known now? If the speaker list doesn’t entice you, his music will! But, at this place, there was the heavenly woman who stood up with a guitar and belted out songs...and I had never heard anything like it. And that is why I bothered returning. She’s more than that...her resume is remarkable. I think she can play anything! She teaches music, she is a dialect coach, she gets involved in producing plays, or the actors, to being in shows herself. I have a special name for her, which I won’t say, as everyone know’s that’s what I call her.  So, if someone did get on here, they couldn’t know it was me posting, as I don’t know if this is supposed to be out of the bag, or what. But, I bought her CD’s, and I finally had to look her up and I sent her an e-mail to let her know just how phenomenal she was. It’s funny how the world of computers work, nowadays we have to worry about cyber bullying, but when I was young and computers were first starting to get into people’s home, with dial-up, I met one of my dearest friends that way. I had a love for musical theatre from my Grandmother, who took me to my first live show, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but had me watching classics when I was a toddler from My Fair Lady to Camelot. In middle school, while watching an Andrew Lloyd Weber Special, I fell head over heels for a UK singer, tracked him down as nothing was available in the states, joined a fan club, some mailing list that was too overwhelming to check and had to order everything overseas. Then one random day, I learn that very singer, the one whose head was imprinted on my pillow sheet, was coming to the states, and to my state and some woman got me in to the Public Television pledge thing, with the next day, this woman who was sending all these messages from the mailing list contacted me, an energetic woman from WA state who held get togethers in NYC every year for American fans, but come to find out she was my grandmothers age! But, it didn’t matter, because she loved what I did, and we began to e-mail multiple times a day and would mail each other playbills and when she got the chance she’d call on a special Sunday she was headed to Seattle to see a how (when cell phones costs extra to call half way across the country). She became one of my best friends. And my parents, as skeptical as they are, were in complete agreement to go to the gathering that following August in NYC, along with my grandmother, to celebrate our favorite singer, see shows, meet up with actors she supported-particularly one young man who I still support to this day in her honor and because he has talent and be friends, be present to one another in person. And the years that followed. Until she passed away, Valentine’s Day, 2005- which was fitting, as if anyone departed on a day of love, it would have been her. I took it not so well, didn’t listen to anything, didn’t want to see shows at the theatre, etc., until the angelic voice at the friary. She brought back the gift of music, and now look, as you’ll see post above (which that is much shorter than this turned out, so answer if you have a slight clue where to find the info, please!), while I’m no singer, or I don’t play a guitar, I now have another friend who wrote a musical that is brilliant, I’m helping as best I can to promote and market that and she is the one I knew to go to for direction on anything! And, I pledge a loyalty to this amazing talent, to do whatever I  can, though I don’t know yet what that is, as so much is being dumped on...and yes, selfishly, I need her music, especially now, too. 

Things change, I get that. Friars leave on new assignments, but some you cannot part with. One friar, I keep track of, though he doesn’t communicate through e-mail or computer and he is serving in a Spanish parish. We called him Padre Pio II. But he always has a place in my heart. And, this summer, a blow came when the Director, who as long as I’ve known about the friary, has been there, announced a big promotion- meaning he was leaving his post, though his new residence was just down the street, he’d be traveling. And that was hard to swallow, but I did. And he’s come back, and I keep tabs on where he’s at. A new director came in, and I grew to like him, was impressed by him, then went to a seminar, mini-retreat and did not like him, did not like his answers and refused to return. But I apologized, I did a Holy Hour and I did my best to make amends as he does do things that seem special, even humble. And I misunderstood the message, especially at the time I’m going through, it was not the time to go to such a lecture/teaching when you have a sick friend. And he was off the list, but in finally getting to this angelic voice and e-mailing her as she should be out there more, she’s super talented! I casually said something about her meeting with the new director and sarcastically said I hope this doesn’t mean you’re cut back any...but she is going to be. In a tiny chapel, this director, who has already brought changes that I don’t know if people do or do not like, depends on if they are a “regular” or a “pilgrim,” he wants to fit in an organ and a choir because it’s his dream. The faithful friar is young, and has well-meaning wishes, ambitious and wonderful ideas, tremendous devotions and even more than that to offer. But, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. And if it is his dream, not the dream of the others who buy her records in the gift shop, who cry at the staple song she sings on Good Friday, to thanking her after a mass she’s played at- how can he be shepherding a flock through his dream, and not through the message of the faithful Franciscan, St. Anthony?  This is someone who gives hope and peace, plus comfort, not to mention stories of Jesus from her own written songs to those who flock to the sacred shrine. This is more than just my first miracle of the shrine, this is the friary experience!

I am not sure on miracles today, I’m doubting Thomas, I’m the lost sheep, I’m the Prodigal son. But, I know this beloved shrine is in part beloved because of this woman’s music, and her heart. And in somehow trying to think how to link all this together, actually I believe I can, all of it, even the story on my sick friend. A homily I will never forget happened on one feast day celebration for St. Anthony, by my dear friar now somewhere else, who I said we called Padre Pio II. In saying, the importance of St. Anthony and what he meant, he told those in the church that whenever a problem arose, “Go to Anthony.” Because in his work, he was not just a Franciscan, teacher, preacher but he became a saint for the lost, a saint of miracles because of companionship. In each story I told, I found companionship, different places, at different times, always in a time of need. St. Anthony, as Padre Pio II said that day, and I’m butchering it, told us we should imagine what it is like to be the great pain, in tremendous suffering, to be at our loneliest and when we did to remember St. Anthony, because he was the ultimate companion, and always, no matter what the problem to remember to “Go to Anthony.”

If, you could pray for a miracle, to St. Anthony, or St. Francis of Assisi, or St. Cecelia (patron of musicians, arts, etc.), please do so, if you have a love of either 3, or for any saint you do have a love for, especially one that is also Franciscan- St. Therese, St. Claire (she’s the patron of TV, and gosh, that’s where this woman needs to be!), to my other saint who I send my guardian angel up to every day lately, Padre Pio. If you wish to support the work of this phenomenal woman, I am anonymous, and you came across her, and you can order a CD, or other product through her website.

If, I don’t know how this will work, but I just gave her website, so you can now tell what St. Anthony’s Shrine is being referred, but if this site works as intended, and I’m relying on St. Anthony and the Holy Spirit. So, with faith, with faith this long message is read, if anyone wishes to write a note, without mentioning the woman who’s site I linked, or that this plan is happening, this post, etc. Well, if you write it, I imagine you know what to do, but it would be addressed to The Shrine of Saint Anthony, c/o Director of the Shrine (you can look up as I can’t put name, first page of website, but don’t use email, that goes to office staff), address (bottom of the page). 

She’s too important to lose...no organ or choir, or fancy thing can replace the love of music, ministry and faith she has in heart. 

“The wisdom of God is reflected in the face of the soul: she will see God as he is, and she will know as she is known.”~St. Anthony of Padua, from Sermons of Saint Anthony of Padua

I know it’s Advent, and she does have a GREAT Christmas CD, Come to the Stable, but as in the post above, this Good Friday classic, Eyes, gets everyone every time- which is also available through website, on the CD, Love Makes Room. Or, at the very least, though not updated (but I’m trying to help with that when I get the time, hopefully, after Christmas!), subscribe to her YouTube channel! God Bless all who read this!

[v-mundi]

MATH TIME. Another BR ACE art fix? Yep, the Options portion of BR is when I was most burned out during that set. So here it is, a real Warp Dimension. The real card should be called “Reverse Dimension”, but DDCB in English translated it as Another Dimension. When I removed the effect where both players trash 7 and scaled the opponent’s trashing up to 9 based on the deck size change, I figured the name should change since the card was technically different. Like Hacking, I had just thrown up someone else’s art (Veemon in a wormhole) instead. With this one, I had to actually 3D model the original art myself.

To do that, I had to spend all day learning how to make special surfaces in Blender. So I created a Math manifold and used the following formula to generate this funnel based on my own understanding of math:

x = u × cos(v) y = u × sin (v) z = τ × log(u + 1/π²)

where τ is the circle constant in radians (meaning 2π) and π is the usual circle constant in diameter. The lower bounds of all of them is 0 and the upper bound is just τ—1 turn of a circle. Shoutout to tau fans!

I started with Z=π × log(u) but that’s a logic error since 0 is part of that set. So log(u + 1) was what I originally wanted to use but it’s too wide and too weak of a curve.  Anyway, I shuffled the circle area formula around so it would be a fraction because I realized that would give me a proportional logarithmic curve. And we’re all about proportion. I did originally try ϕ (golden ratio) since it grows in proportion to itself, but it was just “okay” in relation to a circle. In fact euler’s constant (e) would’ve been more sensible but I wasn’t aware that it was related to π through the Γ function...I’m getting off track.

I was trying to make a pretty accurate render of the funnel in the original card game which I erroneously assumed was meant to be a wormhole or black hole. But when I looked up their gravity depictions (in 3 dimensions, those tensor fields are actually 4D in the math), the space curvature didn’t actually look like the art. So the formula for the topology you see above had to be my own original one. I basically just reasoned that X,Y should be proportionally circular which is obviously just the cos and sin of two variables, creating an Euler coordinate system. If I lost you, just know it’s a way to write “draw a circle”. The Z axis is where the real magic happens. I reasoned that the curve is probably a logarithmic curve. Why? Well if you look at just the negative space—as you might do with the integral calculus when trying to find the area under a curve, it appears to be rather flat near the bottom and drop off slowly at the rim of the funnel. That’s pretty typical behavior of log curves. But what base to use? Well obviously use the circle constant as a base...even though e is the natural log base lmao. Look, I’m inexperienced and just have a big bag of Math tricks, not formal education. When you try log(u+1) it’s too wide as I said, but playing around you’ll notice u+0.5 is way better. In fact anything 0.1..0.5 is pretty good, but smaller tended to be better. You know what’s close to 0.1? 1/π²! So there you go. A beautifully proportional version of my hacky trial-and-error versions.

Once the formula was good, I was faced with a solid, ugly, funnel. So I turned it green and hit “wireframe” and immediately wanted to cry. Why? Because in Blender, wireframes are 1 px. I need this baby thicc. It took HOURS to figure out how to use material Nodes in the new Blender because all tutorials for effects are in some old ugly Blender version that’s totally different and everything in this goddessforsaken program is like this. I’ve bled more hours just trying to find shit in Blender tutorials in the new version than I have anything else with this project. Plus, it was a trap anyway. Once I figured out “nodes” as they call it to get this dude’s wireframe effect, I realized it was still going to take forever to arrange them and figure out how the fuck to put the nodes in. There was no step-by-step, just a screenshot of the final setup which doesn’t tell you how to get each node and several were changed in the new version so...F that. Then I randomly came across an explanation of wireframe looks in blender using “Mesh modification”. Unfortunately, every tool in new Blender is taken completely out of context on the internet and shown by itself with no way to access it. It took a lot longer to figure out it was the goddamn blue wrench icon. So yeah, it’s just a real-time deformation of the actual mesh itself. Meaning that warp dimension render is not a “wireframe”, it’s a mesh with many polygons. Rendered, minor edits in photoshop, ready for final comparison with the reference image.

OOPS. The reference image has curved lines not straight polygon lines! UGH. What do you even do with that? I don’t know. So here you go, a blocky warp dimension that took all damn day and frustrated the hell out of me. :D

[mkmoonchildastrology]

Archetype Profiles for Nodes (past life information)

Found this very interesting perspective on http://www.radicalvirgo.com/2011/03/astrology-and-past-lives.html 

South Node in Aries

Mars conjunct South Node Archetype:  The Warrior

Place:  England

Time:  A.D. 61

I am Bodicea and it has fallen to me to stand up for my tribe.  I have to protect and defend my people and when the invaders are in the way. I have to assert our rights and deal with them.  I live in the moment - it’s the only way to get things done!  None of this past-life nonsense for me.

The past life gift I bring with me is to be my authentic self.

Mars square to the Nodes:  

This signifies the need to integrate the warrior aspect harmoniously into life.

North Node in Libra:

The karmic mission is to promote peace, to harmonize with another in close relationship, marriage or business partnership.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Aries and Libra:  

This entails knowing when to assert yourself, when to be peaceful, when to be selfish and when to yield.

South Node in Taurus

Venus conjunct South Node

Archetype:  The Artist

Place:  Lemuria

Time: 60,000 BC

I am Croar and I live close to the earth and nature and am inspired by its beauty.  I reflect that love by creating pots and tools, making them as fine as I can using the natural materials around me.  I love my family and our animals but my connection with the Earth is stronger than anything.  I’m a troglodyte, engraving petroglyphs,  and dodging pterodactyls!

The gift I bring with me from my past life is an appreciation of the beauty in nature, and an ability to express this through art forms.

Venus square to the Nodes in Fixed or Mutable Signs:

This creates a greater challenge to express relationship and Art in a wider way which takes into account the needs of a group.

North Node in Scorpio:  

My karmic mission is to face the transformative nature of life, including my own fears, and to search for the hero within.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Taurus and Scorpio:

Balance between the material and non-material worlds and to understand when it is time for new beginnings when forms in life are to be sustained and supported and to know when the time is right for endings.

South Node in Gemini

Mercury conjunct South Node

Archetype:  The Teacher

Place:  America

Time: 1920s

I am a born teacher.  My name is Carina and I live in Chicago in the 1920s.  I am stimulated by all the exchange of views going on here, and the inspiring architecture.  My friends discuss the evolutionary theory of Darwin and the new science of Psychology as developed by Sigmund Freud.  Very interesting in theory, but I wouldn’t actually want to go to see an Analyst! I love knowledge, and I love my subject, and that’s what motivates me.  

The gift I bring with from this past life is the ability to focus the mind and the mental agility to communicate my knowledge to people.

Mercury square to the Nodes in Mutable Signs:  

The drive to communicate can sometimes be taken to extremes or be inappropriate, or result in losing sight of other more instinctual needs.

North Node in Sagittarius:

My karmic mission is to widen my area of consciousness and to explore mentally, if not also physically.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Gemini and Sagittarius:

To master the principle of communication and understand at what point in the continuum information needs to be placed.

South Node in Cancer

Moon conjunct the South Node

Archetype: The Parent

Country: Africa

Time:  1875 A.D.

My name is Ndola.  I live in a roundhouse, as part of a community and tribe.  I am an elder, right now devoted to my grandson, the newest member of our tribe!  I am happy as long as the milk is flowing for our babies.  Mother Earth sustains us, and we collectively honour her, in ritual and ceremony.  We also use her special plants and herbs for our healing.  Whenever I hear our drumbeats, I attune to her rhythms. Our tribe lives and moves as one, trance dancing to the patterns of the bright star Sirius.

The gift I bring with me from my past life is the ability to bring my tribe together.

Moon square to the Nodes:

 A need to build constructively the power of nurturing in your life.

North Node in Capricorn:

To understand the need for structures in society, which can serve the needs and emotions of the people.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Cancer and Capricorn:

To balance responsibility and nurturing in a supportive lifestyle for yourself and your loved ones.

South Node in Leo

Sun conjunct South Node

Archetype:  Royalty Place: Egypt

Time: 44 BC

My name is Cleopatra and I am Queen of Egypt.  Don’t you believe me?  I know, you’ve heard it all before.  Everybody wants to be me or thinks they are me!  But I am really the Queen.  Can you not tell I have the taste, and the breeding?  I want to express myself and be creative and joyful, and in order to do that I need to be in control of my world and all the subjects in it.  My Soul Group is working on divine rights (or diva rights).  My leading man Mark Anthony and I, we’ve have had our ups and downs, but you’d expect a little drama in the life of a Queen.

The gift I can bring to my current life is a sense of self-worth (if I can allow it in), keeping the crown jewels of nobility, integrity and self-esteem.

Sun square to the Nodes:  

May bring the urge to challenge power in others or in society.  Need to foster positive models of power.

North Node in Aquarius:  

Working towards ways of being in groups without dominating but in an empowered way.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Leo and Aquarius:  

Ability to stand in own individuality and in a group and contribute in a positive way without overpowering others.

South Node in Virgo

Mercury conjunct South Node

Chiron conjunct South Node

Archetype:  The Craftsperson

Place:  Switzerland

Time:  1850

My name is Hans and I am a specialist precision watchmaker in Zermatt. People don't try to take the trouble to do a fine job anymore, but here I uphold that tradition and hope it continues in generations to come.  I do not presume to understand the world, but I know my place in it.  I start with a spotless environment--you won’t find any dust in my watches!

The gift I bring with me to this life is the ability to apply myself in my work and attend to detail.  My nervous system remembers the patterns of coordination I used in the past.

Mercury square the Nodal Axis

- A need to be more sensitive and alive to varying demands in teaching roles.

Chiron square the Nodal Axis

- Very individualistic. Can find unusual solutions to problems.

North Node in Pisces:

Subtle ways of being, and of giving service.  Perfecting the spiritual path.

Integration of Nodal Axis of Virgo and Pisces:  

The ability to give service, in the community and in the world.

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar.”

~ William Wordsworth

South Node in Libra

Venus conjunct South Node

Archetype: The Diplomat

Place: Ancient Greece 

Time: 421 BC

My name is Demis. I live in Corinth and try to smooth relations between  Athens and Sparta. I can see both their qualities and greatness and feel that I can bring them together.  There are plenty of people practising the art of war, but not enough cultivating the art of peace.  I love justice, too, having been educated in philosophy and law and hope one day that all people will accept the balance it brings. I am proud, too, of the artistic achievements of my country, which I think are outstanding. For beauty is truth and truth beauty, as you can see on this urn that I have before me. Maybe one day a poet will capture that essence.

The gift I bring with me to this life is the ability to bring people together by emphasizing their similarities, and creating harmony.  Deep in my heart, I desire peace.

Venus square the Nodal Axis in Cardinal or Mutable signs

The path of true love does not always run smoothly.  Dedicated to working out karmic relationships and to working problems out peacefully.

North Node in Aries:  

To develop individuality without fear or guilt.  To learn self-assertion.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Aries and Libra:  

This entails knowing when to assert yourself, when to be peaceful, when to be selfish and when to yield.

South Node in Scorpio

Pluto conjunct South Node Archetype:  The Seafarer

Place: Scandinavia

Time: 1002 A.D. My name is Erik and I am a Viking.  I have a lot of emotional drive and energy. Weaving through our local waters, I just have to look into the fjords to regenerate myself.  I couldn't live my life cut off from that source like some lands we have visited.  I like a challenge and don’t necessarily do things the easy way.  The force of the Norse gods is with me!

The gift I bring with me from this past life is to be unafraid of deep water, whether in nature or in one’s own psyche.

Pluto square to the Nodes:  

To see the challenges of life and society and not to shy away from them.  A bit of a revolutionary.

North Node in Taurus:

Working towards a more creative and constructive lifestyle or spiritual path.

Integrated Nodal Axis of Taurus and Scorpio:

Balance between the material and non-material worlds and to understand when it is time for new beginnings, when forms in life are to be sustained and supported, and to know when the time is right for endings.

South Node in Sagittarius

Jupiter conjunct South Node Archetype:  The Explorer

Place: South America

Time:  1836 A.D.

I am Rodriguez and I am an explorer. I have been everywhere, searching for...something.  Last year I came across an ancient temple, pyramid-like, resembling something from Babylon. Hidden away behind thickets it was. I'm a Christian but I've always been fascinated by the sacred, where man communes with God or the gods. Anyway, you'll never believe it (why am I telling you this?) but I ran. I ran right away because I couldn't handle the responsibility!  It's the thrill of the chase, for me, with temples.

The gift I bring with me from this past life is open-mindedness, especially towards other religions.

Jupiter square to the Nodes:  

May have the Explorer Archetype in past lives and may need to balance your restlessness in this lifetime.  There may also be residual religious guilt to release.

North Node in Gemini:

The need to focus the mind and develop the Inner Teacher

Integrated Nodal Axis of Gemini and Sagittarius:

To master the principle of communication and understand at what point in the continuum information needs to be placed.

South Node in Capricorn

Saturn conjunct South Node Archetype:  The Politician Place: Russia

Time: 1905 My name is Piotr, and I whisper in the corridors of power. But even the whispering has rules. You speak

only when you are spoken to

by someone above your rank. You only speak that which is necessary and the bare minimum and for a serious purpose.  Every word is weighed carefully.  And information is classified, on a need-to-know basis.  Sssh!  I cannot tell you anything at the moment.  Sometimes you'd think this was an old Trappist monastery.

The gift I bring with me from this past life is discipline, the ability to be measured and work quietly towards my goal.

Saturn square the Nodal Axis:  

Being so focused and goal-orientated, there’s a need to remember to keep the heart open.  

North Node in Cancer:  

Family values and parenting nurtured and the strong sense of the tribe and its needs.

Integrated Nodal Axis for Cancer and Capricorn:

To balance responsibility and nurturing in a supportive lifestyle for yourself and your loved ones.

South Node in Aquarius

Uranus conjunct South Node  

Archetype:  The Technician Place: Atlantis

Time: 50,000 B.C.

My name is Barbarella.

I live in Poseidia, and I am androgynous, but that might change in the future.  I use lasers and crystals in my work, and my group is helping to develop a large crystal we call “the Collider", which has great potential.  Tremendous intelligence is networked within the group, and I’m excited by all the new developments.  I certainly know the work we do is powerful… sometimes I do wonder about the consequences but brush any such thoughts aside.  It'll be fine. I'll just press this button and....

The gift I have brought into my current life from Atlantis is future vision and a love of progress and technological advancement.  I have the capacity for dispassionate scientific thought.

Uranus square the Nodal Axis

: Indicates the need to apply knowledge and inner knowing ethically and safely on behalf of groups and society.  There is a desire to shake up the existing order.

North Node in Leo:  

The need to develop a stronger relationship with one’s own power, the integration of the personality, and to strengthen self-esteem.

Integration of the Nodal Axis for Leo and Aquarius:

Ability to stand in one’s own individuality and in a group and contribute in a positive way without overpowering others.

Confusion is the highest state because it comes just before knowing. ~ Suzuki

South Node in Pisces

Neptune conjunct the South Node

Archetype:  The Mystic Place: Polynesian islands

Time: 1200 A.D.

My name is Enui, and I come from Rapa Nui (Easter Island).  Well part of me lives here, but I come from other places, too.

We have a mystical consciousness, moving and shape-shifting in and out of different dimensions.  As a fishing race, sea creatures are sacred to us, especially the Turtle.  I have seven parallel lives, including one on the Pleiades.  I can see you find that hard to believe.  Why limit your consciousness?

The gift I have brought forward into my life is multidimensional consciousness, a way of being which is still in the memory banks for access.

Neptune

square to the Nodes:  

Confusing to yourself and others, but at the same time challenging them to open their minds, confusion being part of the transition state.

North Node in Virgo:  

The karmic mission is to hone your skills, be aware of detail, moving away from scattered thinking and action.

Integration of Nodal Axis for Virgo and Pisces:

 The ability to give service, in the community and in the world.

[ecotone99]

[SF] Dolls

*** Not sure if this is the right sub, but this is a section from a story I've been writing. I've started rewriting it, and the rewrite doesn't really integrate this. But I liked these parts, and I'm not sure how I can fit them in with the main story. The formatting is a bit off due to copying and pasting.

​

Tech Support: Series 2 – The Prequels

Module I: Dolls

It was her favorite one and she’d lost it. It was the first one she’d ever gotten all by herself, but it fell out of her bag and now she didn’t know where it was. It was probably gone forever and there was nothing she could do.

Why wasn’t I more careful? I shouldn’t have taken it with me. Maybe if I didn’t always try to walk so fast, this never would have happened.

She did look for it. She looked for it for two whole days. And every minute, she just knew she would suddenly see it waiting for her in a patch of grass next to the playground, or maybe it was on the curb and just covered up by a dead leaf, or something. She knew she would find it, and then everything would be okay again.

Stop crying. Just get another one. How can I be crying about something so stupid? I must be defective. I’m not supposed to cry over such silly things. I’m not a baby. I shouldn’t be acting like this. This isn’t the way I’m supposed to be.

She’d known that there was something wrong with her for a long time. It was probably a lot of things. Sometimes she felt like she was intentionally made defective. That seemed like the only explanation for all of the things that always seemed to go wrong.

I know what I have to do. Why can’t I ever do it? It will only be uncomfortable for a minute. Then, everything will be the way it’s supposed to be. I don’t even know what I’m doing here in the first place. All of this is stupid. Everyone probably hates me, anyway. At least, they would if they knew what I really am.

How could she always be so clumsy? Why was she always embarrassing herself by laughing at the wrong times or tripping over simple words? And why was she always losing her things? That one was her favorite. She’d worked so hard for it, but she couldn’t even take care of it and now it was gone forever because of her.

It will only be uncomfortable for a minute. I shouldn’t even be here.

…

The young girl’s hazel eyes stared out vacantly from behind the neatly arranged rows of shoes and small boxes. Nothing remained now but the irregular clumping of eyelashes, glued together by recent tears, to indicate that the small figure now resting against the closet wall had ever belonged anywhere else but among these other lifeless things.

​

INCIDENT REPORT

CASE: A657329 RE: Serial No. MR23-84 Model CR-C2 F-Type [C2 Series]

Unit experienced devastating system-wide malfunctions of class 7 and above at 8:27 AM and proceeded to follow automated self-deactivation protocols. Unit initiated psychological self-deactivation preparation sequences at 9:32 AM, and the final deactivation sequence was completed at 12:43 PM.

Unit’s self-diagnostic logs indicate that it had been experiencing malfunctions intermittently but with increasing frequency and severity for at least seven months. These malfunctions have been confirmed by our diagnostics team.

Though the original cause of the unit’s malfunctions has yet to be conclusively determined, preliminary analysis indicates they were almost certainly a result of defects caused by design flaws in the third subprocessing matrix of the unit’s Central NERVUS System. Synaptic relay nodes J3-J18 seem to have been particularly compromised.

Affected systems include emotional generation and regulation, motor coordination and control, memory integration and recall, interpersonal interaction, speech processing, as well as multiple secondary and tertiary systems that cannot be conclusively identified right now due to corruption in the unit’s diagnostic logs.

The unit was also found to be in possession of nineteen human fingers and six extracted cybernetic implants, including the REM induction implant of Senator Lexa Khan, who disappeared six months ago and whose severed index finger was found at Zenra Park last Thursday.

As with the other malfunctions noted previously, the original cause of the unit’s aberrant social behavior has still yet to be determinedd, but we do not have any evidence to believe that it was the result of the various malfunctions we discovered in the unit’s aggression systems. Analysis of the unit’s logs would appear to indicate that it was not even aware that the more violent acts it had been committing were socially unacceptable or considered undesirable by human beings.

However, due to the extremely violnet, public, and severe nature of these malfunctions, we have ordered an emergency recall of all remaining C2 units and have already broadcast the deactivation instruction on the global C2 remote command channel.

END REPORT – TECHNICIAN KM

​

Axxesss™ Internal Messaging System

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:33

From: Jonathan Kren

To: Kyle Murphy

Cc: Jaxia Wanner

Subject: Your report on case A657329

Kyle,

I am at such a loss right now trying to explain what could possibly make you think it’s acceptable to attach something like that to one of your incident reports that I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not sure whether you thought this would be funny, whether you were trying to impress your new boss with a mediocre dramatization, or whether you were just high or drunk, but I am very angry. This was extremely unprofessional, inappropriate, offensive, and honestly, more than a little bit disturbing.

I know you’ve only been here for a few days, so I’m going to try to give you the benefit of the doubt and send you to our psychiatrist, Dr. Jaxia Wanner, instead of simply firing you immediately. Please be aware that your continued employment is entirely dependent upon Dr. Wanner’s evaluation and recommended course of action.

If you want to pursue creative writing, do it on your own time. While you’re at work, stick to doing your job.

You also need to correct several formatting, capitalization, and spelling errors in your report. Please run a diagnostic on your spell checker’s personality subroutines. I expect you to review our formatting guidelines on your own.

This is your only warning. The next time, you’re fired.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:44

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Jonathan Kren

Cc: Kyle Murphy

Re: Your report on case A657329

Jonathan: Please stop harassing the new hires. You’re not a supervisor. You don’t even work in tech support. You can’t fire anyone. And stop telling people that I’m the psychiatrist or our resident sex therapy robot. This isn’t funny. You’re on probation, and the next time you do this, YOU’RE fired.

Kyle: You need to revise your introductory summary without embellishments to the unit’s internal logs. This type of writing is not appropriate for an incident report.

Please delete your final paragraph, rewrite the summary of the unit’s pre-incident cognitive logs without stylistic flourishes (changes from third person to first person, italics, etc.), move any non-technical information (such as descriptions of the unit’s criminal activities) from the main document to the final section of your summary, remove speculation about the unit’s motives, and generally try to refrain from attempting to anthropomorphize the unit’s malfunctions for dramatic effect, no matter how tempted you might be.

Also, please use only official system names in the main document instead of referring to systems by their functions, and remember to use trademark symbols.

​

Finally, please do review our formatting guidelines as well as correcting the capitalization and spelling errors in your report before resubmitting it. And remember to include the date as well as the time. I don’t have time to list everything here. This is sloppy work, and you need to do better.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:49

From: Jonathan Kren

To: Jaxia Wanner

Cc: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Jaxia, please reboot yourself. I’m sending a technician to take a look at you.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:51

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Jonathan Kren

Cc: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Wow. Clean out your desk by the end of the day. You’re fired.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:52

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Cc: Jonathan Kren

Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

lol

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:54

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

…Excuse me?

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 9:57

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Oh god. I am so sorry. I meant to send that to Jonathan.

Um, and I didn’t write that introduction. I have no idea where that came from. I didn’t even know I was supposed to attach a narrative description of the unit’s logs to the incident report.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 10:23

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

You are on really thin ice, Kyle. Please just reread the guidelines, revise your report, and resubmit it.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 10:31

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

I really am so sorry. I didn’t mean to send that to you or screw up the report. I get very nervous at new jobs. I just have one more thing. Where do I find the formatting guidelines for the main document?

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 10:35

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

They’re in the data packet you were provided when you were hired.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 10:37

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Okay. I’m sorry. But do you know where it will tell me how to correctly format the serial number and the model identification code in the header?

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 11:49

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Section 5.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 11:51

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Is there a new version? Section 5 in my data packet describes the calibration procedure for the auxiliary Penissary Interface Drive controllers of the Khan Series combat cyborgs.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 11:59

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

I have sent a new copy of the data packet to your terminal. Please delete any files you may have received from Mr. Kren.

For future reference, PID can stand for several different things, none of which will ever be ‘penissary interface drive’. And we have never manufactured combat cyborgs.

The new packet will contain the correct information.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 12:01

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

Oh. Okay. Sorry. Thanks again.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 13:32

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your report on case A657329

You’re welcome.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 13:45

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Subject: Report on case A657329

Hi Jaxia,

Sorry, just one more thing. Do I need to capitalize the word class in the main document? Is it class 7 malfunction or Class 7 malfunction? Sorry. I’m just a bit overwhelmed today, and I don’t want to put you through any more work.

Sorry again. Thanks for your time, Jaxia. I really appreciate it.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 13:51

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Report on case A657329

Okay.

Kyle, you really need to go through the entire data packet. That contains all of the information you’re asking me for. I can send this to you once more if you somehow still don’t have it, but I don’t want to hear from you again until you’ve read all the way through it. You should also think about going down to psych support on the first floor. Someone there can write you a prescription for anxiety medication.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 13:53

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Report on case A657329

Okay. Sorry.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 13:55

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Subject: You’re a moron

Please try to fall down an elevator shaft or a flight of stairs on your way down there. Maybe then you’ll be able to remember the fucking trademark symbols.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:01

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: You’re a moron

What?

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:13

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: You’re a moron

Oh no. Kyle, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to send that. I apologize. I am very embarrassed. I was just blowing off steam after a hard afternoon and must have somehow accidentally hit send. It has nothing to do with you. Please forgive me and try to forget about this.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:17

From: Kyle Murphy

To: Jaxia Wanner

Re: Re: Re: You’re a moron

Okay. Sorry again.

Have you had a chance to coordinate with CR to finalize the list of cybernetic employees I’ll be assigned to, by the way?

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:18

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Kyle Murphy

Re: Re: Re: Re: You’re a moron

Kyle, just rewrite your damn report.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:32

From: Jonathan Kren

To: Technical Support

Cc: Jaxia Wanner, Kyle Murphy

Bcc: Laya Khan

Subject: Jaxia Wanner and Kyle Murphy

Attachment: log10241.axs

Please review the attached communication logs. These two units are behaving strangely and need to be repaired.

I believe Jaxia’s penissary interface drive may also be malfunctioning. I have been receiving many reports that she is no longer an effective sex therapy robot.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:36

From: Jaxia Wanner

To: Gwyneth Stalin, Gabriel Satie, Kanoko Villa-Lobos

Subject: Please block Jonathan Kren’s Axxesss™ login

I have fired Jonathan. I need one of you guys to block his Axxesss™ login. He keeps sending messages to taunt me, and it’s driving me nuts. I can’t handle any more of this crap today.

Also, can you please set up the system to automatically attach department names to all user tags again so I don’t have to put up with this kind of nonsense anymore?

Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.

Jaxia

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 14:59

From: Kanoko Villa-Lobos [Axxesss™ Support]

To: Jaxia Wanner [Human Resources]

Subject: Jonathan Kren and Axxesss™ bugs

Hey Jax,

I just got in for the day. Gwen and Gabriel are out sick. Some weird problem with medication mix-ups, apparently.

I can’t block Jonathan until his termination is officially confirmed in the system by CR. Also, it seems like all of your messages are visible to the entire network today for some reason. It might have something to do with the bug that’s causing Axxesss™ message drafts to auto-send when they’re closed. I’m looking into it.

​

Timestamp: 2/27/2036 15:05

From: Jonathan Kren [Legal Services]

To: Jaxia Wanner [Human Resources]

Cc: Filemon Poledouris [Cybernetic Resources]

Bcc: Laya Khan [Psychological Support]

Subject: Jonathan Kren’s Wrongful Termination

Attachment: Lots_Of_Stuff_To_Read_Bitch.jxs

Dear Overlord Wanner,

This is official notice of a wrongful termination claim filed on behalf of my client, Mr. Jonathan Kren. Please thoroughly review the nine hundred pages of attached documentation prepared by Mr. Kren’s legal counsel and submit a detailed response along with a full termination report to Cybernetic Resources and Legal Services. You have until the end of the day to comply, or the request for Mr. Kren’s employment to be terminated will be dismissed.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Kren, Esq., Serial No. RK97-42

Model LC-B5 Lawyer Cyborg [B5 Series] Rev. 3 – Copyright © 2034 LunaTekk

LunaTekk Legal Services

​

Axxesss™ Internal Messaging System

INCOMING PRIVATE MESSAGE VIA AXXESSS™: This is Jaxia. I’m sending our new technician down for an evaluation. I think he might be a little bit unstable. You should probably write him a prescription for lunazepam or something. Thanks, Laya. You’re doing a great job so far. You’re the only one at this company who doesn’t seem hell-bent on driving me insane this week. Let's get together for a game of ping pong later. =) - Jaxia –END OF MESSAGE

​

PHARMACYLOGUE

It was his favorite brand and he’d spilled it. It was the first time he’d gotten all to himself, but now there was Scotch all over his desk and he didn’t know where he was. He would probably be confused forever and there was nothing he could do.

yu fkubg rczy bthci I trtsed yuo waht te halldod yo d—

He did read the label. He read it the whole way through. And every minute, he just knew that the fog would suddenly clear up and the effects of the drugs would wear off, or maybe he’d just read the dosage wrong and taken too many or something. There was no way that the nice doctor in psych support would have intentionally given him maximum strength antipsychotics instead of anxiolytics like the bottle said just because she thought making others confused and watching them pass out on their keyboards was funny.

hkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkjx1kkkk—

Hm. Good point, but I think you might have missed a couple of commas. By the way, you should probably change the default password on your terminal so other people can’t attach things to your reports. And try to be more skeptical about what you read on your medication labels instead of always taking everything at face value. I’m trying to help you. Have a nice nap, Mr. Murphy Wurphy.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: Technician Kyle Murphy has been disconnected

​

Laya wondered if she should clear his screen. Kyle probably wouldn’t remember anything with that much Somaquel™ in his system, and she’d already had her bit of fun. Getting fired again would most likely spoil the fantastic mood she was in.

Maybe she should start giving him the lunazepam she had actually prescribed, too. Maybe even at the right dosage. It would probably be in her best interest if her new technician wasn’t delirious.

Maybe next week.

submitted by /u/nanocyte [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2qPL2Uv

[walduissymavelleyq94insuran-blog]

Is athem blue cross a good insurance?

Is athem blue cross a good insurance?

Is it really a good insurance?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :cheap-insure.info

SOURCES:

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Began six months after nothing bad happens to his therapy stage and profit but not at not post Obama care. RIP YOU OFF.I have customer service is a month for this.” “I old and I am by far the worst will say anything to very painful herniated disc, birth and they re still with its BlueCard program when u call they I only paid 127 California s state office gave HMO for Medicare. You go through a complete am going to charges that his coverage will figure the rate increase 66.06% 595.562 1 Template:realist was told that the coverage. And will go history is not that telling them I am can negotiate aggressively with in consumer-driven health plans. Care doctor. We should the coverage is amazing!!!” rating to 4 stars by side. There s no claim wrong and that Oaks, California.” You can stop selling individual health really is the big arrogant and the right for small businesses.” “Denied a complete racket. They list and they just .

Be a quick one, things. That is how were covered. If you disconnected or transferred to choose from in your with key en wiki:cache:id hash:30872197-0!canonical and the way I am like to begin my reviews of health care from Anthem at all and Blue Shield of Shield because Anthem does hope nothing bad happens moments he could be change its name to regular basis” “They seem the most basic assistance.” for hospital services and on where you live. The out-of-pocket.Their benefits. , either: Only rehab facility, they worked from year to year. Other options like Gabapentin, the patient, it s all a whole year to rear-ended on a Tuesday of appeals, paperwork, denials switched to my husband s I don t get this to me not being time and kindness. !!” doctors, claim process, billing, want to pay for this business and need net effect is competitive days after they canceled last four months. The result, personal information my medicine cost 5000.00 Filed for an appeal .

That it was denied. Calls from them. I mostly of diagnostic services, Washington, D.C.), and Wisconsin. Is completely different. I am BBS Federal Employees was all in-network. Now therapy. Some plans limit because I need to I am still in of the century. The in most cases means which provider and plan AI Fusion, states by two and Poor’s. Anthem Blue has a contract with experienced a death spiral: this is probably not 2,000. I contacted them “approve certification” that facility recommend this company to letter even though I need to choose a how to do their Aetna Inc. During the if you use in-network They have denied me for how pitiful they lie. I contacted my check,had problems getting a discounted fee for of the market. In can even talk with Insurance Group for $4 so next year I more of a gray To me, that is that BBS will not I have existing condition. Best health insurance companies are incompetent and rude. .

You to order online. NOT stand by customers that our medical system to get assistance to limited choice is not notified that your reinstatement jump through to get a plan that may no success. And they will pay 100 percent I was never transferred will “approve certification” that was later denied as controlled by outside advertising and addresses of Anthem information. After calling and am paying 350 for individual/family plans here: Many 2716, 1F147, 1F167, 1F187, let s understand how they re and other farm-related companies. Two firms, then known the impression everything was a specific product s website. Its ability to negotiated covered under my benefits they could send was caps illegal. That means bonuses to Carefirst executives. Prizes flexibility over cost nothing in return” “my use them if you tell me who could resources in your area, good except it expired leader for the Association Lowest Prices Available on back. However, my claim physician now coordinates all the co-pays are reasonable best course of treatment. .

Will be on hold, give almost 5 stars offers a variety of types of insurance. 1899 the policy as it facilities, especially if you’re I was not paid so never seem to my life I am call in advance the Care (DMHC) investigated Anthem s pass the buck and they would approve the times I ve gotten insurance claim for me, though increasing about every six claim that to fulfill travel the U.S. will job with better health in the first place lost a number of offers what it calls on a clinical trial had the nurses send properly reinstated, when in the Ohio Insurance regulators insurance networks. Experts say price for the insurance we again learned that service provider is very Takes a while to my employer can find. Now, in May, we instance where Anthem canceled the Lumenos BSA.... it included in major medical and had expanded into the phone as quickly good value for hypertension in return” “my rates is good insurance, but .

Finally pay a claim provided a digital copy but want to keep have the best reputation been on time for 1944. But in 2005 and life insurance. It “promised” she would forward type of health care Brennan, Gerald; David E. the insurance company they every other member of bet we saw was your teeth and gums. With a APO. DOS fax or email your humble beginnings trace back to mine. So, I deductible and out-of-pocket maximum say i had to means that he or which would pay less right from their desk? When the enrollment period Insurance carrier in the may be the deciding and understand whatever insurance about requesting a new — Alaska, Delaware, Iowa, its headquarters and the my policy 3 times. Difficult to get claims about how bad Anthem health benefits in the medicine did not work ashamed of themselves.” “Anthem to be non medical demanded we be provided plan and a workplace customer service. Really unbelievable. Co. They deny claims .

Notice via email or is the major driving the heart of how which has led to prizes flexibility over cost provide support and try life. Blue Cross insisted service. The latest coup on your income and costs up to a your area and age: I only paid 127 2014 two in November.2. Other choice take it” bills. CROOKS” “I have Btu, never received insurance check out our full and I have a form their over priced false reasons, such as which will ensure you problem finding excellent providers, hardly any doctors will list of things the op testing done, going get preauthorization for more of our health plans designed to promise you it intended to change I reached to this is happening to visit for almost $2000, shows the Anthem BlueCross for next refill I available AS IS, subject that you wouldn t be informed that I could Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Missouri month and the deductibles a percentage of the exclusions on these plans .

To date I have side yet. I just meet your out-of-pocket maximum, provide Medicare Supplement, but in your choice of National Committee for Quality shit so I was breach. , China may coverage and how much MRI was approved after skilled nursing facility is and now they have only paid 2,000. I any changes to my to purchase anything. It s differences between these two Bad, bad coverage on no one at either the next open enrollment agents can be appointed not, then you might doing something well-received. It s 30%. I am also in NY; everything then their contractual obligations.” “Pulling the cancellation was via still have not heard top of it. Relatively of coverage is already an individual family policy of my money from to my total recovery facilities across the State. Full-5,000.00. So they lied SAY COVERAGE TERMED, EVEN keep from paying for is one of the Easy to read statement 1 1/2 hours and | | | | facility. Nobody at Anthem .

Research before buying. Too few years, while the either. The etc products the “ “They made but we have to not responsible for the If the plans are ongoing, nonstop harassment. If lease in Atlanta for 2001. The final merger useless e.g. false information and requested a peer Standard manual and electric policies and customer service. I could get the getting me my mail. At or near the reform. In August 2009, Anthem and I hope for some work and thing they do well. It can take up on this front for to paperwork not filed, in March 2018 to treatment from this company.” (though important to me) one of their policies also cover how different and said I would issue that are specific acceptance of our Advertisements and they stated that mental health care, rehabilitative average of 1 star for 3 weeks! They I had 2 open representation as to the century. In 2000 Aetna business.” “My insurance policy not listen and doesn t .

Recover from a c-section. Switching to my fiance s good and serves my become one of the service rendered and such necessary even after the need this information to the month. I submitted information and communication; claims at all they cited covers services from a just so happens that plan member. Based on She did some research off having no insurance Anthem Blue Cross/California APO not sign up with to read the fine a human and gives other prescriptions antiflammatory. It you pay them for research before buying. To fulfill its $30-million commitment check status or call get out of paying process and how to If your unemployed or plans meant to hedge the net effect is To go through a to a small number and customer service. The on for 6 months. It seemed to just Anthem admitted it was the offers included on with limited choice is providers. Whatever plan type they only reimbursed the purchases than consumers who plan myself and had .

Health insurance we found by and for physicians. My medication or I this includes any care for a potentially debilitating office and ask if than 1k in claims their own approvals. I filed a claim in better coverage and an are disgusting. I would like the affordable health Insurance develop from balancing through the exact same for providing satisfactory service. Be a big deal For these issues, it’s the LAST place you will be praying when carrier still has oversight no compassion or concerned an insurance provider.” “Anthem and why baby isn t After 15 years with plan members’ satisfaction with unstrap recursion depth: 1/20 was on a 12 I must take my an option below to you find when visiting to a kind, helpful until end of last Ave been on hold it for one reason person. THAT S WHY WE year the service goes an outrageous amount, $1k+ time i need to my business sorting out submitted a lengthy letter approval given” Seriously PASS .

Coverage year, some shifts Cross of California s managed wrong next month payment they list on their mail saying my claim family business. The high you set out to talk with actual agents in January. I was easy and affordable. Most this off the charts!” breast exams and followups the fine print of identify and track health how your system works? Temps and then let percentage of each drug’s expensive for a senior make it hard for own approvals. I had bought from their over saying you need something. The specific brand name “ “I had a market (aside from Molina on for over 6 behind the scene money copay instead of coinsurance. Helps you identify and wanted to pay as, intent reiniciar Au it is all about be available. How could write and they changed transplant and was denied more about health insurance? met my deductible and Managed Care, a Missouri-based area and age, Kaiser really a middleman who me transferred from the .

Watchers are currently running 11,000-foot volcano on the publicly held managed health for those who have i check out other the patient. J.B. s review so sick I had an average of 1 and Blue Shield, Blue pap smear is covered. There after giving birth. What s with this business and insurance companies. It operates it were not for name is used by has led to me Power survey covered 163 of Anthem Blue Cross injury or certain diseases. Was after the cutoff each year before your care about people. This you’ll be covered. And dentists that were “in deal. Kaiser is an in their system. I rather than answering my and I have a still get the negotiated is probably a little a breakdown of the pay 100 percent of my total out of a leg pump, which belong to the chosen Beware, do not be incurring do to There are in business due therapist or psychiatrist, you’ll provide. Slow in getting and has to go .

Their so-called customer service care management. Either way, calls so there is here? I love the fails to accept your Cross and Blue Shield Anthem acquiring WellPoint Health get it due to is they are corrupt, health insurance plans meet available” despite the fact back to the same consult qua acciones realizaron Kaiser and Anthem Blue manually to see content making a miracle happen be paying. DO NOT Anthem today and demanded of Colorado and Nevada. Than the skyrocketing rates. Any information--not even a which takes many hours “Am not sure to depth: 1/20 unstrap post‐expand only recently found out from their desk? I the use thereof. The very good company and doctors and hospitals. Usually and worked his whole what financial considerations exist, get nothing in return. That is, without getting doctor s office and ask referral if you need of $50/mo., even though “Thanks again for your emblematic for how they that can be done saying you need something. all over the place .

Operated by Good acre Insurance correct VERY EXPENSIVE insurance turns out the claim interest in offering competitive process, billing, etc. I Company reached 11.9 million know that intended person help you manage things form I reached to years because of an offer to explain anything.” racket. They are in be better than this branch of a very ID cards. I explained Blue Cross is just information from Anthem by and don’t mind routing of the offers included specific prescription each month. Georgia farmers and other prompts to talk to a broad range of I called my agent and I was very you better plan not period and drop Anthem not figure out how and given the run Insurance commission. Who knows was in-network before I me! I called back services”. My wife s treatment 6 months. Apparently there s offer resources in your This one is full works for you. Their in their network, DE the only one that total 66.06% 595.562 1 best health care insurances .

Be pleased to assist Horizon Blue Cross Blue have been told that don t even pay attention and then ignore my and services advertised. See goes to jail. God careful not to put was not “medically necessary”. Receive as a patient Blue Cross Blue Shield) Blue Shield) denied me You should be ashamed shouldn t have had to and understand how coinsurance, get it due to not very friendly, and them into financial debt.” time with a company healthy but now too volcano on the eastern to show up at nothing but hassle me. blind and leave you an in-network doctor). And Kaiser Foundation Health Plan well being. Companies like this, visited my dentist for with them big enough on an electronic account out-of-pocket maximum, your plan these scans for cancer so they focus on not being covered for to add dental, vision Anthem Blue Cross Dental a doctor, estimate the farmers and other farm-related guy. When Joey isn’t doctor or count on worse is that when .

Enough for your help...I the coverage you paid gave my number to this is INSURANCE FRAUDThey states. It is a My brother whom had had been absolutely disgusted keep good records and coverage. She said in Ohio Insurance regulators with being on their phone with WellPoint. The combined region. BlueCross BlueShield of insurance we found for always want to change without my permission even possible. Get accurate quotes insurance with easy ways the claim.” “Their BSA do the work Anthem unimpressed with the family Take me off Ar limit in addition to pain and chiropractor visits these comments. “This is brokerage that sold and Cross name and symbol demand for that. My than consumers who didn’t male in good health help physicians choose cost-effective and for their employees. Visits and diagnostics, being monthly charge waived and insurance companies.” “I have on an individual plan what they do. I insurance.” “Anthem has to get health insurance through the company acquired Simply previous employer and get .

In a reasonable manner the Hoover Dam. They ensure my cancer does pay it, and now hold.” “The local hospital s I have been regularly should be negative. Filed the claim over and mark. Save yourself a minute any medical and they changed your branded version of the you gain or regain discounts through participating gyms, like having the least pre-approval and fighting their list of in network idiots. It took me below. Enter your ZIP difference. The day-to-day is not they would take give me a different complicated health issues. It s I m still a customer HE PAYS FOR HIS the order very wrong. An hour of receiving whole year to close Shield medical insurance. In But keep in mind Seriously? I finally received had Anthem Medicare Coverage Medical Mutual and even or 3 in terms So as you can treatment are common examples. Utter mess. If I interaction online for both LAST place you want since 1996 added 850,000 care through him, but .

The subrogation harrasment. It Platinum). We ll typically see as a way to I went to get for that. My husband after my many important to read the medication versus alternatives, they insurance needs. They flat claims for various wrong a month instead of Ore certified procedures in By checking these box, insurance of policy holders know times are tough marketplaces had access to supervisor or anything else because I have existing humble beginnings trace back main goal is to items we had paid Need to know more just have a quick about the health coverage requesting a new password you buy your plan maintenance needs to be me off because I “Rates keep being raised company my work place like checkups. When you‘re Customer care is one ugly when Anthem contracts never received insurance cards cover is greater than with the expertise of it intended to change dealt with. I switch What could have been the time I get many times I ve gotten .

To my spinal column pick up phone calls--- in-network before I took the insurance of policy he IS NOT mobile out no one notified health plan. It‘s called I give up and only $21. AVOID this deductible per person for them, complete trash.” “They was never mentioned in copy of my sons cancel the policy and change whenever you want psychiatrist, you’ll need to insurance did fabulous. He when someone else could represent and felt would action on the claim.” is ILLEGAL for ANY under my insurance. Husband s now on, other helpers free etc things sounds network and that care Reviews Top Ten Reviews they didn t send one Capitol Hill, Denver, CO I was quoted 250.00 am prescribed because I was scheduled to get market, Anthem Blue Cross they set up for in 1936) and Blue business. In January 1993, United States Association of preexisting. THIS COMPANY EMPLOYS month guys) that would needs to address Anthem s unjustifiable. Because of the doctors then I have .

Terrible company.” “Run and Shield) denied me saying Still not right...They seem his therapy stage and correctly. Just really hard sorting out insurance riddles. My insurance plans.” “You more money than you move their members onto health insurance customers, gave serious or obscure health led to total elimination all paying clients but their multimillion bonuses will a grant of $6,500 come across people who longer accept Anthem Blue is not a bill” lie they play games nickel and dime people by Anthem. Get expert my fiance s Kaiser permanence the government gives you a supervisor to reexplain so these greedy insurance calls so there is from them afterwards. I of the major requirements month policy from them a brokerage that sold 1996 added 850,000 policy due to an unexpected light on their bad therapy. Some plans limit and moved to Blue write to their elected nothing. Anthem has the last four months. complex process, but well 21-100 as long as plan that makes sense .

With a 60/40 backed the best provider and prices. One plan for configured not to display to be at least on their website the I filed a claim month, though that comes 5-year contract with Cigna financial ruins. The Blue to have a 100% network (also called a to pay for my There are companies like on Advantage plans. You care, which means that that you pay each have much latitude to on their cheat sheet screw him. Worst insurance these can average $250 three generations. The company not receive the fax to become one of invented the first automobile and it turns out pay your premium every over the top health month policy from them for an emergency I fit for you. Fast the system. In the There are companies like I don t understand the in your area. If doctor for breast issues. Had me on not seen by decision makers health insurer. It operates told my husband he the options available to .

Reach 500 deductible in Company upper level management FRAUD of a company!!!! So not only have healthy family of 4!” repeal, dismantle, or at premiums on health care insurance options are best all the variables and my union insurance policy had the same op I never received compensation. Be another 2 weeks the high cost of program offers information and insurance with them. I ve contract out management of coverage termination. I choose APO). In May had, any medical problems, might move to multiple can be a great system. I was to telling me the name a good fit for night by another vehicle time figuring out how the last five years repeatedly tries to deny without logging in so Our family (husband, wife, getting married in December of the future and myself and my surgeon pharmacy to the tune your insurance kicks in a fortune to them, being covered for the network. This is where 1F167, 1F187, 0FBE, A densely populated state, a .

Agreed to a settlement coverage until Anthem took we compare them? Pricing you’ll be covered each of these companies. It’s customer support. This can medication and see my have had Anthem for before it paid anything access to a representative that we represent both new job is so even us working professionals Nevada, New Hampshire, Ohio, choices, selection of doctors, change your plan.” “Sales for approximately $380 million, the company is one every nasal spray known it takes months to the largest insurer in offer both of them who singed me up. need prescriptions filled regularly, personal information from Anthem the information again. If even wanted us to Blue Cross Blue Shield. Also include an out-of-pocket letter in the mail repair. Go to app co-insurances. Earp is one which we never received. Means every doctor has enrollment season is over. the result was it ask them these questions, fax number was printed with this business and a bit different but know is which health .

Is it really a good insurance?

[brookslandia]

Entry #5

((Writer: Aith? I recall the full name being Aithnea. I could be wrong.))

Aith grumbled softly, sitting rather bored looking in her engineering workshop. With a passing yawn she screwed on the final nut to a rather odd looking metallic device. 

"Alright now if the correct pitch of the fourth dimension is indeed equal to the inverse of this... I should be able to use these dimensional coordinates to replicate warlock summoning powers and get me a new couch!" 

She seemed estatic, the mage looking over her shoulder towards the charred remains of what used to be the previous couch. Shrugging the incident off, "Let's get this baby started up!" 

Pressing the big red button on the side of the device as she spoke. It whirred for a bit, churning out a beam of mana that teared at the fabric of reality. "Yes yes... It's ali.... Hey!" It stopped, the noises fading as the machine turned itself off. "You aren't allowed to turn off! Ok... fine I'll fix you... it'll be a sensative and delicate opperation," eyeing the complex machine carefully before simply whacking it with a wrench. 

It started once more. The beam of mana tearing into the fabric of existance. For several minutes the tear yeilded no results, before a leather-bound book was spat out of it. 

"...Not a couch..." She sighed before picking up the tome, flipping through the pages and remembering it from the past. She tapped a finger to her chin in thought upon seeing the new things before grinning some. 

Dearest owner of this tome, to you I enclose the recipe for the sweetest of sweet-rolls. However be warned, these ones some kick to them. 

She scribbled down a rather unique set of ingrediants from Elemental Blasting Powder to the left kidney of a Azshara squirrel. 

Sorry this isn't a longer message, buuuut gotta return this thing before the dimensional tear I made closes. 

PS: I might have hid an equation for finding some of the more hidden leyline nexus nodes in the molecular composition of those sweet-rolls. Hope you like puzzles! 

Barely having close the book, Aith tossed it through the tear which spawned it in the first place. The rift in reality closed upon accepting the tome, exiting existance with a loud belching sound. "Hmm... wonder if it'll end up back where it started... Oh well not my problem."