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#Bc i am THAT hopeless
myokk · 4 months
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He is so enamored with her🥹🫶
(a continuation of regency period au💓)
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wikitpowers · 4 months
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whenever i think about kitty and morgenthorn both going on separate quests i feel like squeeling my lungs out!!! like the amount of opportunities for romantic scenes we'll get is crazy eeeek!!!
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satans-knitwear · 1 year
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Orange is such a good colour. Very underrated. 🧡
🧡My links🧡
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wizardsix · 1 year
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the greeks are claiming gale as one of their own . have you Seen him?? his last name?? that man is greek im being so serious
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jacks-the-flower · 5 months
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ok so i popped in my earbuds to be able to listen to the voiceovers in afk journey, and "let me show you my moves" is absolutely insane like valen what are you ACTUALLY talking about man-
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stabyou · 3 months
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the way i need genuine intense psychological rewiring just so i can talk to people in a normal setting is just crazy to me. i would ask what happened to me but i have always been this way, it just keeps getting worse and worse
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piningpercussionist · 4 months
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Saw a comment somewhere and if I wasnt so tired my blood would be boiling but we are at a low simmer, so here I am to Bitch
I'm sorry but if your argument for (likely canon) bisexual Kim having a preference for men is her FORMER relationship with Scott I am going to beat you to death with my bat
At LEAST say it's the hopeless pining she does for him currently. Or maybe mention that she's dated 3 guys that we know of! (Which I will counter w her being gay as hell for/with 3 women, which levels out- though that's besides the point-) But if you're going to hinge it entirely on a relationship she had that started and ended in highschool I'm going to break your legs and make you sit through a deep dive of the series with me. All media. Just to reeeeeally draw it out. Painfully.
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arvadthecursed · 3 months
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the struggle of genuinely loving self shipping and finding so much joy in/because of it, vs feeling like you set yourself up for failure because of it
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suffercerebral · 4 months
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
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subtle-knife · 1 month
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thinking abt benvolio starting the play as part of a trio and ending it alone
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iphigeniacomplex · 11 months
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can i just say they kissed in that bathroom after attempting to clean up an act of violence that should have been cathartic but wasn’t enough. lucie said “will i ever be free of this” and anna kissed her in that bathroom with the corpse behind them and it literally was not enough. the love between lucie and anna, which hurts them both and blurs several lines between types of love without ever being fully defined for the audience, was what anna witnessed again after prolonged and grotesque physical brutalization with the goal of martyrdom, placing the love between these two women in an explicitly holy context. and it materially changed nothing. can i just say they literally kissed in that bathroom, both wearing blood that was not their own, because anna loved lucie so much there was literally no other way to express it and it wasnt enough. like just so everyone knows
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z0mbiefrank · 17 days
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just got my second serious burn of the month after a hot water bottle i was using for severe period pain exploded onto me
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kiwibirdlafayette · 28 days
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ive been a bit of sad boy since Jordan stopped doin main channel uploads bc Imma be real I've barely watched him in the past few months save for Isles VODs, rewatchin mianite eps and clips/shorts
I dont have time to keep up with streams nowadays (the only exception being MCCs) and its like. my fixation on him hasn't died off but ive def been watchin a lot more hermitcraf/lifers and dont get me wrong i love doin art for those gamerz (i am havin the time of my life drawin like ethusbs and bdubs and jimmy and mumbo and-) but there is def a part of me that's guilty i havent drawn mr sparklypants in a while :']
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moe-broey · 7 months
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I've never been a "born in the wrong generation" type of guy because for So Many reasons I would be dead. Full stop like I would have died during childbirth I would have died of appendicitis age 8 and that's not even factoring in my queerness and neurodivergency and ultimately my mental health (carefully maintained thanks to support/modern advances in medicine and treatment). On Top Of That my hobbies include The Video Game and many such things that are of modern invention (adjacently: including The Device I'm typing this out on right now which has become my main avenue of communication to the outside world)
But I'm just saying that. It WOULD be nice. To exist in a world where fluorescent lighting doesn't exist and everything is possibly 99% less overstimulating all of the time forever.
#and like. a little less capitalist dystopia. i could do with less of that.#but focusing primarily on my own struggle. it's just a bummer sometimes like#i genuinely had fun!!! w my sisters and friends!!! esp at the arcade w ddr that is ALWAYS so fun#but man you can't even take me to your own damn house unless if you're ready to accept vampire rules.#my sister can/does dim the lights if i ask and i don't mind asking it's just fucking crazy to me like#damn uoy guys live like this. bright ass lights ten diff convos at once music in the bg. what if i died on this beanbag#BUT. THAT IS. one thing that is very nice i AM allowed to die on the beanbag!!!!!!! i'm allowed to cozy up and rest#while everyone does their own thing and i can listen in and chime in every now and again. severely underrated tbh#i really only feel a little hopeless when i think about like. public spaces where the only thing i can control is myself#IF i am ever employable again my requirements would be. no florescent lighting. i will die.#which like. kind of limits my prospects.#i do enjoy outdoors/physical work actually though so. i'm just limited bc i have to bind.#i am. so severely. banking on top surgery working out. it won't be a cure-all but by god it WILL open up my options#plus the. constant fatigue. of binding. but not binding is even worse. i need divine intervention (surgery)#SAD. well there are other people in yhe world#but man rhat is like my fave joke to make but i feel so much sadness attached to it. the world will move on without me.#there are a million other people who are far more capable. much 'easier'. ect.#and i know the answer is well there's only one me and there are a handful of people who love me. who keep me and include me#i am very thankful for that.#it's just a bit of a bummer sometimes. i stay silly and have the most fun i can but i am a little sad about it.
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 5 months
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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