#Ben is cute and is a puppy of a person + his story's gotta be all about the romance babey

[we-stan-stan-uris]

The Losers As The Incredibly Underrated Straight To DVD Disney Sequels

Stan: The Lion King II: Simba's Pride

Richie: Kronk's New Groove

Mike: Peter Pan II: Return to Neverland

Bev: Mulan II

Ben: Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure

Bill: Cinderella III: A Twist in Time

Eddie: The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x05 Review

The Quinceañero was a truly historic ep featuring the first time two boys have ever kissed on a Disney show. Let’s dig in!

We got the second same-sex kiss in Disney history tonight, Big Shot had the first last Friday, and the first kiss between two boys in Disney history. It’s a huge step forward. That’s not to say that Disney is going to start approving more same-sex kisses or lgbtq relationships or characters but the door is now open and at least some other shows and movies will be able to eventually follow in HSMTMTS steps.

Really nice cover of The Climb, Joe has such a great voice. It was cute that young Seb had watched young Carlos’ dance vid and felt inspired. Frankie and Joe being an irl couple certainly helps give Seblos a good rapport but it also helps that creator and showrunner Tim Federle is an openly gay man himself. I think if a straight man was showrunner we probably wouldn’t get such dedication to Seblos as a couple. 

It was a really funny ep too: Carlos saying his love language is riddles, Ricky asking Nini who they talk to when doing their confessionals, Carlos saying Miss Jenn was a master of smoke and mirrors, Benjamin Mazzara and Mike Bowen interacting. My personal favourite gags were when Big Red said he always wanted a nickname and Kourtney immediately did an office stare and when Nini said Picasso was a terrible person.

Gina still going through it. Kourtney is right that it doesn’t really make sense that Gina is now going to all this trouble for Carlos but to be honest the writing and pacing has been disjointed so far this season so a lot of things aren’t flowing as well as they need to. Is what Gina regrets convincing Ricky to go back on stage as that helped get Rini back together? That’s petty but fair and also true to teenage emotions (though she shouldn’t beat herself up too much, Rini were clearly on the path to getting back together by that point anyway).

Jesus Christ, Ricky needs to read the room. Last ep he correctly realized that Gina wouldn’t want to hear about his Nini issues and tried to stop Big Red from mentioning them but now he’s just doing it himself? Obviously they’re trying to drill in the fact that for now Rina is one sided but it’s a little much. Also really doesn’t make sense that Ricky wouldn’t go to Kourtney or Big Red for this kind of advice.

Sofia Wylie was killing it this ep, both her and Joe are showstoppers. A Dancer’s Heart was great and she did a good job of acting on the verge of tears almost the entire ep

At least EJ actually thought to ask Gina how she’s feeling though and she clearly appreciated it after she got over her shock. It does seem that reports of Portwell’s demise were greatly exaggerated, with the music and the longing stares they’re setting up for at least EJ to have a crush on Gina. Hell even Mazzara picked up on it at the end. I had noted last week that it seemed like Gina’s story line in S2 was being thrown out of balance by the writers dropping a planned Portwell plot and sure enough this week we actually begin to see Gina’s story arc not being entirely her pining over Ricky. 

EJ also benefits by being given something to do instead of just standing around in the back. I’m glad he took Mazzara up on the AV club offer and they have a nice mentor-mentee relationship going on. It’s also a nice little parallel with 1x05 when Gina told off EJ and had a moment with Ricky and now in 2x05 Gina tells off Ricky and has a moment with EJ. 

Matt seemingly dismissed Portwell as a friendship rather than even hinting at something between them. I guess he could have been told to keep it under wraps as much as possible but odd that they wouldn’t hype it a bit; it’s not like this came completely out of left field, people were wondering if Portwell might happen because of the moment they had in 1x10 and the facetime call they had before S2. Sofia has already said that Gina will have love interests this season and EJ being one, even if it’s brief, would make whole lot of sense since there’s really no one else for except Jack who only shows up much later and doesn’t seem to be in more than an ep or two.

Rini was sweet tonight. Yes Ricky is being clingy which stems in large part from his mom’s abandonment and in fairness Ricky and Nini have probably been used to spending much of their time with each other since they were kids. Loved that ‘I think you kinda you know’’ call back tonight. Looks like Nini will be cast as the Rose which should be interesting.

Miss Jenn is pulling Mike Bowen, Ben Mazzara, and Zach Roy. Good for her! Jike shippers certainly feasted tonight as Mike crashed a teen bday party just to see Miss Jenn and we got confirmation that everyone’s fave Disney Dilf was born in the 70s and must be no older than 51.

Well gotta love Lily’s commitment to bringing down East High and drinking scalding hot black coffee. She really seems like she just stepped off the set of Glee

Really hope we see those puppies and man was that wolf adorable

Not both HSMTMTS and Love Victor both making Okay Boomer jokes (it worked when Pilar said it to Felix but not when Ricky said it to his dad)

Big Red exposing Kourtney and Howie was good and it looks like their plot kicks into high gear next ep

Bet Tim thought he was real clever for that shot of Mazzara, Mike, and Miss Jenn in a triangle

A well shot ep except for one weird  and abrupt cut from Mazzara saying Caswell to Seblos outside the barn

Looking Ahead:

EJ stopping Gina from leaving would certainly further their relationship and would parallel him being the one to bring her back in S1. I still don’t get why they didn’t just use the Valentine’s chocolates as a plot device to further this plot; just have EJ secretly send them as he was also lonely and you can still have Gina think they were from Ricky.

From what I’ve seen online this Portwell hint has been controversial. It’s true that there’s an age gap between the characters of 2ish years and a much bigger one between the actors but I don’t think that will stop Tim as he already had EJ date Nini. I’ve also seen comments that it would be a bad idea since EJ is leaving at the end of S2 once he graduates but he’s not actually leaving, they’ll keep him around in some fashion until the current juniors graduate. 

So far it seems like Rini is the Rucas of hsmtmts, Rina is the Lucaya, and Portwell is the Joshaya.

Kowie starts progressing a bit next ep and we may possible see Antoine next week or the week after according to Larry.

Presumably Ricky’s clinginess starts causing trouble between him and Nini.

Still so funny that North High just up and decided to do Beauty and the Beast just to bring down East High.

Until next week wildcats

[adrenaline-roulette]

Jet Lag

So, in honour of my 22nd Birthday which was on April 30th. I decided to gift myself some cute Ben Hardy x Reader fluff. This was originally going to be Roger Taylor x Reader, but I was craving some Ben (I mean, who isn’t?)

@not-the-cleavers​  (Because girl, we all need a little bit of Ben in our lives right now)

Story is based off of the song, Jet Lag by Simple Plan.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader (Female) with friend Joe Mazzello Warnings: Pretty much just pure fluff and cuteness, there is a bit of angst though but nothing major! Word count: 5953

Jet Lag

You collapse on your bed, sinking into the plush blankets, and massive pile of decorative pillows, it had been a long, and lonely week. It felt as if the standard five-day work week you had just endured, had been going on for at least a month. Though according to the red crosses on your calendar, it really was Friday the 1st, and not in fact Friday the 29th like it felt. The lonely part stemmed from the lack of company in your apartment over this past week, your boyfriend/ partner in crime, Ben Hardy was currently on a press tour with his castmates from 6 Underground, somewhere in Australia. While he had been away, your old school friend had come to stay while you had the house to yourself, but she had left for a business trip on Monday leaving you once again alone. You settle yourself more comfortably against your pillows, tilting your head back and to the side, keeping your eyes on your phone on your bedside table, just waiting for it to ring. Any minute now, you knew it would ring, and the anticipation of who would be calling had your heart racing.

The cool metal of Ben’s watch lay in your palm, and you clasped your fingers around the gold, circular face, rubbing your thumb gently against the glass. He hadn’t intentionally left his watch behind, but by the time either of you had realised that it was still in London, Ben was somewhere in Japan. Just as you go to glance down at the time, your phone buzzes to life, before vibrating along to your ringtone. It was a stupid song choice for a ringtone, though Ben had changed it for you just before he left, and you didn’t have the heart to change it. The song in question was that ridiculous, Doug Dimmadome – owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome remix that had been going around lately. Every time your phone rang, it nearly gave you a heart attack, as after each conversation on it, you attempted to erase the memory of your ringtone.

You dart your arm out quickly, grabbing your phone and swiping your finger along the screen to answer, a wide grin spreading over your lips, showing off all your teeth. “Hello…” You ask softly with a bated breath.

“Y/N? Hi luv.” Ben’s smooth voice sends chills down your spine, goose bumps appearing over your arms.

“What time is it where you are?”

“I’m in Sydney currently, and it is 9:15am. How about you?”

“6:15pm here, I just got home from work.”

“God, trying to figure out these time zones is making me crazy.”

“Hey, at least we’re doing better than at the beginning of the week. You were saying good morning, when it was midnight!”

“I just hate the thought of you alone. Five more days then I’ll be home.”

As if on cue, a floppy eared beagle pup leaps onto the bed with as much grace as if she were a hippo. Sniffing around your toes, before galloping up the mattress, and butting her nose against your knuckles, then phone. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m alone. Frankie just joined me, I think she misses you too.”

You can hear Ben’s smile through the phone, and you grin softly yourself, scratching the fingers of your free hand against her head. “So tell me about Sydney, what’s it like there?”

Ben sighs deeply, likely a combination of still waking up, the desire for a smoke and coffee, and the desire to hold you. “It’s alright.  It’s really warm here, and the people are all nice. But it’s the same thing every day, we’re all a bit tired of it.” He pauses, and you can hear his bedsheets rustling as he gets into a more comfortable position. “Fuck, I don’t even wanna be in this town.” He grumbles.

“Sydney is a City…”

You know for a fact that he’s rolling his eyes on the other side of the world, you had known each other long enough to guess the other’s reactions without ever seeing them. “Oh yeah, thanks, go on and correct the guy running off five hours sleep!” He’s trying to sound stern, but there’s laughter peeking through his tired voice.

“Hey now, if I don’t correct you, then no one will!”

“I’m sure there’s at least one other person in the world who is game enough to pull me up on my mistakes.”

You raise an eyebrow, a smirk covering your lips as you watch Frankie toddle to Ben’s side of the bed. Circling three times, before curling into a ball. “Ben, you don’t exactly take constructive criticism well…”

Ben groans, and you’re half expecting him to argue, but it never comes. “Yeah, you’re right. Knowing my luck, I’d probably call Sydney a town in the interview, and never be invited back.”

“Nah, I’m sure they’d invite you back. It’d just be to make fun of you is all.” You shrug, grinning to yourself.

“Oi, be nice! You’re supposed to be supportive and caring.”

“Yeah yeah, you’re right. You know I love you.”

“Debatable.” Ben shuffles around again, and you can hear him stifle a yawn against his palm. “So what’s been going on in the world of you then?”

“Work, sleep, work. Nothing exciting really…. Actually, the most exciting thing to happen was on Monday last week.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“I was making dinner for me and Sophie while she was still here. I had just drained the spaghetti I had cooked, it was in the colander on the counter, and I turned around to finish the sauce. The next thing I know, there’s a massive thunk echoing through the apartment, I turned around, and Frankie has knocked down all the pasta, and is running off with spaghetti hanging out of her mouth!” You can barely contain your laughter, the memory of Frankie looking both guilty, yet extraordinarily proud of what she had just done seared into your brain. “She looked like one of those Ood’s from Doctor Who!”

Ben is howling on the other end of the line, the deep baritone of his laughter only causing you to laugh harder. “Yes! Good girl! Good Frankie! Dada loves you!” Frankie lifts her head, having heard her name being called from somewhere. You reach over and scratch her head again, making kissy faces at the cheeky beagle.

“You’re not supposed to encourage this sort of behaviour! You’re the reason why she still does this kind of thing. She thinks she can get away with it!”

“Of course she can get away with it! She deserves people food just as much as you do.”

“Ben! We had no more pasta! She took it all, and there was no more in the pantry to cook.” You whine, though you both know it’s all in jest. You could never truly be mad at Frankie. Despite the occasional theft of food, or shoes, she genuinely was a well-behaved pup.

“Aw come on, you know you’re not really mad at her.” You know for a fact that if Ben were here with you now, he would be pinning you with his best set of puppy dog eyes.

Your shoulders slump in defeat, there was no use in pretending to be mad, Ben would see through your lies instantly. “Okay fine, I’m not mad. But we did end up having to buy takeout for dinner, and that was not the plan!”

“Oh boohoo, you had to get tasty food delivered, what a tragedy.”

“Hold up! How come I have to be caring towards you, yet I don’t receive the same treatment?!”

“You raise a valid point. One which I do not care to argue.”

“Whimp.”

“That’s me! - Hold on a sec, I’m just putting you on speaker. I’ve gotta start getting ready sorry.”

You push yourself up into a sitting position, pressing your back into your pillows. “How long before you have to leave?”

Ben pauses for a few moments, likely to check his schedule for the day. “Um, first interview starts at half eight, last one is around seven-ish.”

“Shit, sounds like a long day, eh?”

Ben sighs, the soft sound causing your heart to ache. All you want is to wrap your arms around him, to make him feel comfortable, and at ease, but you can’t, not from the opposite side of the world.  “Yeah, but it’s been like this the whole time. So I suppose I’m kind of used to it by now.”

“Should I let you go now? To go and get ready and all that? I don’t want to make you late.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye just yet.”

“I know, neither do I. But- but you’ll be home soon! And you’ll be home for at least a couple of months, so we won’t have to say goodbye at all for that whole time!” You’re trying to reassure Ben just as much yourself. The beginnings of these phone calls were always amazing; however the endings were almost impossible.

“Next time I go on a press tour, you should just come with me. That way we get to experience the world together, and never have to say goodbye.”

This time, it’s your turn to sigh. A deep, prolonged sound which conveys just how tired of this particular conversation you are. “Ben, you know I can’t do that. I have a job, I can’t just up and leave. They need me.”

“You don’t need a job! I’ll always look after you! You know that right?”

You rub your hand against your forehead, smoothing the lines which had formed there as you frown. “Ben, I know you’d do everything you can to look after me. But remember, you haven’t always been in my life. I grew up needing to work to look after myself. And, I don’t actually have an issue with that way of life. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, you make more in one month than I do in six. But you have to look at this from my perspective, what if one day, we aren’t together anymore? What if that happens, and I’ve quit my job so I could travel with you for tours and for work. I’d be fucked….”

“A-are you saying you don’t think we’re going to last?”

You blink in surprise, eyes growing wide as you take in Ben’s words. “How is that what you’ve taken away from what I just said?”

“Well that’s what it sounded like to me!”

You can’t help but groan, this certainly wasn’t going the way you had planned. You were both too tired to be having this conversation, that much was obvious. “Look, let’s talk about this when you get home, okay? I’m not suggesting we end our relationship, far from it. I promise. Besides, having two incomes is probably a good thing for the time being.”

Ben’s silence is deafening, and for a moment or two, you almost think he may have hung up on you. “Okay, I’m happy to talk later. Do you, um, have any plans for the rest of the night?” He’s trying to sound normal, though you know his mind has jumped to the worst-case scenarios imaginable.

“Yeah actually, Joe said he was going to drop round for a bit. He’s been in town the last couple of days catching up with friends, then he’s heading off to see Gwil for a little while. But he said he’d swing by tonight. He claims it’s because he wants to make sure I’m doing alright without you, but I’m positive he is actually just looking for an excuse to see Frankie again!”

This earns you a laugh from Ben, a genuine laugh. You knew it would, but just hearing it allowed you to relax somewhat. Maybe he would forget about what you had said, and you would be able to start this conversation fresh, when both of you were more awake. “Maybe we should get him a carboard Frankie to go with Ben-Cardy?”

“No! That is probably the worst idea you have ever had!”

“What? No way! I think it’s brilliant!”

“Benjamin, Joe has only just stopped posting videos of Ben-Cardy. Do you really want all of that to start up again?”

“Hey, it was funny! Especially that one where I got to be in it too!”

“No, that was the weirdest one!”

“You’re only saying that because you walked in on us filming it.”

“Well obviously! Put yourself in my shoes. You’ve just finished a long day at work, you come home to hear giggling in your bedroom,  and your first thought is, fuck my boyfriend is cheating on me! But oh no, instead when you storm into the bedroom, you see said boyfriend in bed with his best friend, and a cardboard cut-out of himself!”

Yet another pause follows your outburst, before Ben begins chuckling. “Okay, yeah, I see what you mean. That probably would’ve been a little odd.”

A rattling of keys in the apartment door grabs your attention, and you peer down the corridor, keeping an eye out for who was coming in. You knew who it should be, but you could never be too sure. The door creaks open, and Joe pops his head in, grinning at you broadly. You had told him where the spare key was kept, so he could let himself in when he arrived, though you had assumed he may still knock to announce his arrival. “Hey babe, I should probably get going. Joe’ll be here soon, and you need to get ready. Like properly get ready, and actually eat something for breakfast. I know you’re back on the smokes…”

“How’d you know that?”

Joe walks further into the apartment, leaning against the bedroom door frame, a fond smile on his lips. “Ben, I know everything. I see all.”

There’s a smirk in his voice now, as if he’s challenging you. “Alright then Miss all seeing. What colour are the boxers I’m wearing right now?”

You bite your bottom lip gently, completely forgetting Joe’s presence for the time being. “You’re not wearing any.” Your voice is low and sultry, and you can hear Ben hiss out a sharp breath. “Have a good day babe, I’ll talk to you later.”

You swipe your thumb against the screen, ending the call before Ben has the chance to respond. “You’re early.” You smile, turning your attention to Joe now, who was intensely pretending to have not heard the ending to your conversation.

“Did you tell him?”

“And hello to you too Joseph.”

“Y/N, did you tell him?”

You sigh, pulling your legs up so you could sit cross-legged on the bed, facing your entire body towards your friend now. “I tried to, but it didn’t exactly go according to plan.”

“So did you or did you not tell him?”

“I didn’t tell him.” Your shoulders slump, and your chin drops as you scowl at the floor.

Joe steps further into the room, coming over to your side where he rests his palm over your shoulder. “You have to tell him, he needs to know.”

“I know that Joe. Don’t you think I know that?” You grumble, flopping your head back so you could look up at him.  “It’s just, every time I try to allude to it in one of our chats, it always gets twisted, and it becomes this big misunderstanding. I think telling him face to face would be best.”

“What do you mean, when you allude to it? Are you actually coming out with the words, or are you trying to skirt around the truth?”

“I mean, I’ll get there eventually. One way or another he’ll find out, I’m just having trouble saying it is all.”

“Y/N. If you don’t tell him, then I will.”

<<<--->>>

Just as Ben had promised, five days later you were waiting at the airport for him to arrive home. The plan had always been for you to be there when he arrived home, however Joe had also decided he wanted to wait for Ben too, as he still had another day before meeting up with Gwil. The two of you stood in the arrivals terminal, you with an A4 sheet of paper with ‘Hardy’ written in pink sharpie, and Joe beside you, with an A3 piece of paper which read ‘Ben Hard-On’.

“Could you stand over there somewhere? Like, as far away from me as possible please? I don’t want people to know that I associate with you.” You grumble, though you’re having an exceedingly difficult time not laughing at his stupidity.

“Hey, it was your idea to make signs!”

“Sign! One sign, as in singular!” You sigh, casting a glare at the grinning American.

Joe simply shrugs, knocking his elbow against your arm playfully. “Well think of it this way, he won’t be able to miss us. Not with a sign like this.” He grins, gesturing down to his crude sign with his chin.

“If anything, he may intentionally miss us after seeing that.”

Before Joe has the chance to reply, you let out a loud squeal, before darting off and leaving him far behind. You sprint forwards, pushing past the couple of people who had decided to stand directly in front of you, blocking your sign off from Ben’s view. “Ben!” You call, throwing yourself at him with as much force as possible.

Ben drops the black rucksack he had been clutching in his hand, allowing it to clunk to the ground. His arms wrap around you tightly, his fingers digging gently into your sides as he pulls you ever closer to him. “Fuck I’ve missed you.” He whispers against your ear, before nestling his nose against the crook of your neck, pressing tiny kisses to the exposed flesh there.

There are tears stinging the backs of your eyes, and you feel as if you’re about to sneeze as you hold the tears back. “I missed you too. So, so much.” You whimper, clutching your arms tighter around his torso. People moved around the two of you, pretending not to see the blatant display of affection, or just too tired to truly care. The flight Ben had just departed had flown from Singapore into London, and everyone who exited looked like zombies, your boyfriend included.

“Well shit, I hope you’ve got enough to go round.” Joe pipes up, standing just behind you and to the left, this way, when Ben looked up to see him, he was greeted with the charming sign he had made.

“I thought airports had rules as to who was allowed inside?” Ben smirked, slowly lowering his arms around you, so one arm now rested around your waist.

Joe simply shrugged, grinning like an idiot. “British airports are a lot more lenient with letting in riffraff like me.”

Shaking his head, Ben stepped forward just as Joe did, both wrapping each other in a one armed hug. “It’s good to see you mate.”

“You too Benny Boo.” Joe chuckled, earning an eye roll from the blonde, and a deep sigh from you.

Ben heads back to you, bending down to scoop up his bag, before swinging it over his broad shoulder. “Here, I have a beanie and sunnies for you.” You offer with a grin, holding the items out to him. The beanie was black, and hand knitted by the old woman who used to live in the apartment next to yours. While the sunglasses were the spare pair he always kept in your car. “Just in case you’re trying to keep a low profile.” You shrug lightly, shoving your hands into the front pockets of your jeans.

“Hey, actually Y/N raises an excellent point. You’re a big movie star now. Where are all the photographers?” Joe demands, his eyes scanning across the crowds of people in the arrivals terminal. Lo and behold, there was a serious lack of paparazzi. In fact, the closest thing which came to paparazzi, was the small huddle of teenaged girls who were gossiping amongst themselves, whilst attempting to take sneaky photos of Ben. One even went as far as holding her phone directly in front of her face, pretending to be taking a selfie, and it would’ve worked too, if it weren’t for her flash going off.

Ben smirks, lifting his brows at the girls as the three of you walk past them and towards the baggage carousel. “Well there’s two reasons actually.”

“Oh, and what would those be?” You enquire, keeping an eye out for the bags you know Ben had taken with him. Although you were positive there would likely be one or two extra, filled to the brim with gifts and souvenirs from each country.

“Well reason one, is that aside from you guys, no one else knew the actual date I would be arriving home.  In the last interview I did in Sydney, I said I would be flying out in a week. So there’s probably a heap of photographers around the lobby of my hotel asking where I am right this very moment.”

Joe turns and looks at Ben over his shoulder, brows creasing into a gentle frown. “You’re a cruel man Hardy.”

“I know, I try my best.”

You roll your eyes, nudging your arm against Ben’s lightly. “Alright, so what’s reason two then?”

At this, Ben’s face breaks out into a wide grin, as he looks between you and Joe. “I use a different name when travelling. One that’s less likely to have people catch on to it being me.”

Your eyebrows rise at this, this was the first time you’d heard of Ben going under a different alias when travelling. You had always assumed he used his own name… “What name do you use?”

“Probably something stupid, like Dinkleburg Flapjack.” Joe butts in, grinning childishly at his made-up name.

The carousel you were waiting at whirls to life, slowly chugging around as bags begin to appear along its tracks. One of Ben’s bags is one of the first to be spat out, and he walks backwards towards it, so he could answer your question. “I like to go by a name literally no one will ever now. Joe Mazzello is one of my favourites to use. Shockingly, no one’s ever heard of him?” And with that, Ben turns on his heel and darts over to grab his bag, as Joe stands stock still, his mouth opening and closing as if he were a fish out of water. As for you? Well, you’re struggling to contain your laughter, and doing a terrible job at it!

<<<--->>>

The three of you sat in comfortable silence as you drove out of the airport, you had requested everyone -namely Joe- be quiet while you attempted to find the exit to get you back on the freeway. You always hated driving around the airport, all of the exits looked the same to you, but you found it slightly easier when you had no other distractions at least. Both Ben and Joe had offered to drive, which although kind, you had declined. One, because Ben was dead tired, and you worried that he would fall asleep behind the wheel; and two, Joe had a habit of forgetting he wasn’t in the USA, and kept trying to drive on the wrong side of the road. All in all, you were the safest option when it came to driving, at least in this scenario.

Ben had his head resting against the passenger seat window, his eyes drifting closed periodically before he would snap them wide open again, as if trying to convince himself he wasn’t in fact about to fall asleep. “Are we dropping you off somewhere Joe, or did you want to come back to our place?” You glance up at the review mirror, catching Joe’s eye in the reflection.

You watch his reaction for a moment, before returning your attention to the road ahead. You knew what his answer would be, even before you had asked the question. He want’s you to talk to Ben, and he has no intention of actually being there when you do so. He just wants it to happen. “If you wouldn’t mind making a pit stop at that little café you showed me the other day, that would be great.”

You nod gently, flicking the indicator on as you make a left turn towards town. “Yeah sure. That’s no worries.”

“Shoot us through a message later on, and we’ll meet you up somewhere to grab dinner, yeah?” Ben grins, turning around and looking at Joe in the backseat.

“Of course, that sounds great!” Joe smiles, shooting Ben a cheesy thumbs up in order to prove his agreement with the idea.

<<<--->>>

After dropping Joe off, you make the short drive back to your apartment, still with Ben dozing off occasionally beside you. “Hey, what’s that?” He pipes up, squinting his eyes at the dashboard, his view obstructed by your hands on the steering wheel.

You cast your gaze down, searching for what had piqued Ben’s curiosity. “Oh, this?” You laugh softly, reaching one hand forward, and grabbing out the folded picture which had been jammed between the plastic dash covering. “I keep your picture in my car. I figure, if I can’t wake up next to you, then this is the next best thing.” You shrug lightly, embarrassment tinting your words.

Ben reaches forwards, taking the folded photo from you, rubbing his thumb over it gently before peeling it open so he could see both sides. From what you had visible; it was just an image of a bordering on tipsy Ben, his blonde curls tousled and unruly, and his ocean eyes shining brightly behind thick lashes. What had been hidden from view, was how on the other half of the photo, he had his arm wrapped around your waist, while your head was resting against his shoulder, an equal look of joy etched permanently upon your face. “Why’s it only me?”

You tilt your head slightly, looking down at the now flattened photo. “Because it’s a great picture of you, but not of me. Besides, I wake up to myself every day. It’s you who I’ve been missing.”  You shrug, pressing the button on the garage key, waiting of the automatic roller door to curl up, before driving into the underground carpark attached to your apartment complex.

“Well I for one, think that this is a beautiful photo. Of both of us.” Ben sighs, rubbing his index finger and thumb along the crease which had formed down the centre.

You pull the key from the ignition then unfasted your seatbelt, swivelling on your seat so you could face Ben properly now. He’s looking at you expectantly, eyes unblinking, and focused solely on you now. “Something’s up, isn’t it?” He sighs, a brief flicker of hurt flashing through his eyes.

You want to lie, to tell him that everything is fine, and that nothing had changed while he was away. Tell him that your lives weren’t about to head down a path neither of you had ever discussed. “Yes, but not in a bad way perse. Let’s get upstairs? You need to catch up on some sleep, and while you do that I’ll start getting you unpacked. We’ll talk when you’re feeling a bit more human, yeah?” You smile, though it doesn’t quite reach your eyes like usual.

You push open the car door, sliding out and stepping into the cool garage, the perpetually damp air clinging to your skin like a second layer. “Why are you avoiding having this conversation?” Ben groans, following you around to the back of the car, where you both begin to pull his bags out.

“And what conversation is that exactly Ben?”

You swing his rucksack over your shoulder, pulling a large rolling suitcase behind you. “I don’t know. Whatever conversation it is that we apparently need to have!” He’s exasperated, and honestly, so are you. The fact that he’s tired, and likely has no idea what time it actually right now either, doesn’t exactly help the situation.

“Look, yes there’s a couple of things I need to tell you, but it doesn’t have to be right this instant! It’s not some big dramatic thing, okay?”

Ben frowns, folding his arms across his chest, watching you with a stern gaze. “Well for something that isn’t dramatic, you’ve certainly been putting it off. We could’ve had this, chat, last week. But you decided you didn’t want to!”

“Ben, I am not going to fight with you. Not here, not now, not ever. I am happy to talk with you when you’ve calmed down a bit. But as for right now, I’m going to our apartment, and I’m going to make a pot of tea. I can make it for one or two people, the decision is yours.” You don’t await a reply, grabbing the handle of the suitcase, and wheeling it behind you towards the stairs that lead out of the garage.

For a few moments, you almost think Ben is going to stay and fume by the car, but soon enough you hear his heavy footsteps following you up the stairs, lugging his two other suitcases behind him. “Green or black?” His voice flows from behind you, he sounds nervous, almost as if he thinks he won’t be welcome into his own apartment.

“Black, if that’s alright? I just got a new tin of Russian caravan.” You smile over your shoulder, catching his eye and sending a wink his way.

A blush creeps up his cheeks,  one which you watch melt over his pale skin for the few moments it takes before you arrive at your apartment. You rustle around in your handbag for a few moments, before triumphantly retrieving your keys, shoving one into the main lock, and pushing the heavy wooden door open. Immediately, Frankie is bounding towards the door, barking happily at the sight of Ben. “Hey girl. Hey!” He grins, kneeling in the doorway, where Frankie stands on her hind legs, resting her front paws on Ben’s chest. “Oh I missed you so much! Did you look after Mama Y/N? Did you?” He’s speaking in his baby voice to the excitable beagle, and it’s honestly the gosh darned sweetest thing you have ever heard.

“Of course she did, she was an angel like always.” You call from the kitchen, smiling to yourself. It was the truth, aside from the odd hiccup or two -namely the spaghetti incident- Frankie had been on her best behaviour the entire time Ben was away.

“That’s my girl….” Ben’s voice is lower now, and you’re almost positive he’s bestowing belly rubs upon the spoiled pup.

Humming quietly, you busy yourself with brewing a pot of tea, taking far longer than strictly necessary to select which teapot to use. Reaching up to the top shelf in your pantry, you pull down the spherical BB-8 pot, blowing off the small amount of dust which had accumulated on its lid. As you pour the hot water over the loose tea, Ben heads into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your waist, and resting his chin over your shoulder. “Hey – I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight with you before. I know it seems like it though.”

You replace the lid on the teapot, allowing the tea to steep for the necessary 3-5 minutes. “I didn’t mean to bite back. I think we’re both a bit on edge right now. It’s always like this when you’ve just come home, maybe next time we just need to try and remember that?” You half laugh, bringing one hand up, to stroke your fingers against Ben’s jaw. “If you’re ready now, we can talk?”

Ben lifts his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss against your shoulder before standing up straight, using his hand on your waist to turn you to face him. “I’m ready when you are.” He whispers, crystalline eyes boring into yours.

A deep sigh slips from your lips, a frown creasing between your brows as you attempt to form your next words. “Remember on the phone the other night, and I said that me leaving my job wasn’t such a great idea?”

You know that he remembers, how could he not? But this time you genuinely were stalling. “There’s a reason for that. No, not just because the pessimist inside of me is warning that one day I may not have your income to rely on. But because, having two incomes could be a really good thing right now. In fact, it might be for the best.”

Ben has one hand still resting against your hip, while the other is dragging his fingers through his overgrown locks. “What do you mean? I- I don’t get it?”

“What if, it wasn’t just the two of us here Ben?”

“There’s three of us. You, me, and Frankie!”

You can’t help but roll your eyes, a soft smirk on your lips now. “Right, of course. Well what about four then? What if there were four of us?”

“Do you mean Joe? Is that why he came to the airport today? Is he living with us now? Because if he is, he can bloody well help with the rent!”

“Whoa! No, not that! Not at all!”  Your lower lip presses between your teeth, as you shuffle your feet along the tiled floor. “Ben, I mean a baby. I- I’m pregnant. And I figure, babies can be hella expensive, so maybe the two of us working will make things a little bit easier?” You’re rambling now, you know that. And poor Ben seems to still be trying to compute the news you’ve just dumped on him.

“Y/N, can we just rewind for a second?”

Your mouth slams shut, eyes wide as you nod at Ben. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you another way. Ben, I’m pregnant. I found out I think maybe, three days after you left.”

“Holy fuck. I mean, holy shit! No, I can’t swear in front of the baby. Oh my god? Is that okay? Or am I not allowed to blaspheme around the baby either?”

At this, you can’t help but laugh, stepping forwards and throwing your arms around Ben’s neck. “I’m only six weeks along. I don’t think you have to worry about thing’s like swearing yet.”

Ben freezes, locking eyes with you as he holds both hands around your waist, pulling you closer against him. “So you’re telling me. You’re pregnant, and the number one take away you have from that, is whether you should keep working or not?”  There’s humour in his voice, and his eyes are sparkling with joy.

“Yep. I guess so.” You shrug, allowing your laughter to flow freely now, uncaring if anyone else heard you.

Ben shakes his head, grinning like a mad man. “Fuck, I love you.” He whispers, leaning in towards you. Your lips lock together, melding into one like the perfect match they are. Teeth knock against teeth for a few moments as you work to find a comfortable pace and position, though your lips never part once. His hands cling to your waist, fingers pressing into your soft flesh, as if he were your anchor to reality, while your hands tangle in his hair, fingers curling and tugging at his blonde curls. Slowly, Ben pulls away, his eyes opening just barely so he could look down at you. “I’ll need to stop smoking. I promise I will.” He whispers.

You smile softly, tilting your head up so your nose bumps against his. “Now that, we can agree on.”

If you enjoy my writing, feel free to check out my MASTERLIST. I write for a somewhat varied number of fandoms. My askbox is ALWAYS open, and I love taking requests! It just may take me some time to write up your request, but I will always get to it!

[valkerymillenia]

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 4

New episode, new post!

This was the other post I had written out that got accidently deleted so I'm writing it all again.

1993? And Lila was 4? TOO MUCH COINCIDENCE! I still stand by my theory that Lila is one of the 43.

Yes, she has a father but that could just be her mother's husband. It's just too coincidental that the show would make her exactly the same age as the Hargreeves for no reason.

Ah the red heels. Hi Handler. These heels are really pretty though, very wicked witch with the ruby slippers. Even that outfit kind of screams wicked witch meets Cruella de Vil 😏

Kill parents, adopt child. Interesting MO, Handler. Like an evil Bruce Wayne (does this make Handler Owlman? I know, I'm not funny).

Oh, Handler pulling a Reginald with Lila!

Except, you know, she actually gives Lila positive reinforcement and affection, unlike Reggie. But her training seems just as brutal and inhumane for a child (and possibly even more violent) as Reginald's...

It's curious and interesting, a nice foil. Handler succeeds where Reggie fails- creating a loyal and effective soldier will into adulthood- because she was willing to give the kid affection and compassion. Reggie saw himself as some sort of hero creating heros but he failed at the most basic and human thing that even the villain understood.

-The filmography in these training scenes is brilliant.

-Ah, that prom look is the same as half of my classmates when we graduated 🤣 down to the blue makeup.

I'm guessing Lila's "prom"/"graduation" was her first solo assassination?

Wait, Handler wants to protect Five...? What the hell is she up to now?

Talking about killing people like it's a fun hobby 🤨

Oh, so the Swedes are triplets? I suspected but I like the confirmation.

Oh, Handler is lying ~~~~ 🎶

She's definitely following her own agenda here and she's leading Lila into danger. The question is if she's going to undermine the Commission for revenge of if she wants to prove her ability to get promoted back into administrative ranks of the Commission.

Either way, this will not end well for Five.

Lila is going to end up having to choose between Diego and Handler, isn't she?

Five stays in the car to give Luther space... No matter what Five says he actually cares about his siblings' feelings, doesn't he? He's the most overprotective of them all and always has been. It's sweet.

Ah, Luther and Vanya bonding over Five being an asshole. ☺️

"very warm and cuddly father" 🤣

Of course Vanya figured out Five was sparing her feelings, because she's not dumb

Oh, thank you for the honesty, Luther! Gotta love that.

I'm actually really happy to see Luther owning up to his mistakes instead of trying to act like the flawless leader. I think he grew a lot after accepting that Reginald wasnt perfect and I'm glad to see that growth still happening as he learns how to be an independent person. I just hope his guilt doesn't turn into even more self-hatred.

"you had kind of a bad childhood" -understatement of the century, Luther!

Luther, you have pissed off the mobster, you moron. You're on big trouble now.

Dramatic wall punch! 🙄

"when you get angry shit blows up" 😂😂😂

"you're our sister and a member of the umbrella academy" - oh, now you want to include her? The irony of this is that it's the one thing Vanya wanted for the first 29 years of her life and if anyone had said it then, the apocalypse would probably have never happened.

🖕🙊🖕

"I wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted" -ah, you know you love them, Five

Honestly, Allison actually keeps her cool really well, if I went through that phone call I would have broken something.

Why the hell does Klaus want menudo first thing in the morning?? Ew...

Klaus butchering "the frog and the scorpion"... You were doing so well but ended up completely missing the point of that story, dummy.

Diego's stab wound is healing really quickly...

Wait, he's healing quickly and Allison doesn't have a neck scar... Plus Klaus is immortal... Hmm, I wonder if quick healing is an ability they all share? Though that would put Diego's scars (and maybe Ben's death) into perspective...

Does Diego wax his chest? Those pecs are real smooth for someone who spent over two months in a 60s mental institution. 😆

"we've all had the urge" 😂 and Diego's sarcastic laugh 🤣

Who's the 12th of the Magestic 12? Oh, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE??? Maybe a certain monocled asshole?

"Mamie pink" is Klaus's new nickname, I don't make the rules.

Klaus, you are freaking the boy out with all this new information...

Oh no, the homophobia 😡😡😡

You know what's more heartbreaking about this homophobic disaster? Dave is likely in the closet and this whole situation here and the hate his uncle is showing must be so painful to him, it would probably bury him even deeper in the closet...

Klaus... The punch... Oh, baby... 😢 Oh no, I'm going to cry 😭😭😭

Is Raymond really implying that Allison is a spy? Damn...

Just tell him the truth, Allison! How do you marry a person without telling them something so big about yourself??

Oh, so Klaus has been sober for 3 years... Interesting.

No, Klaus! Don't start self-destructing again! 😢😢😢

It must be so painful for Ben to watch this and not be able to stop it...

Oh shoot, the cult found him.

"prophet"? "holy wanderer"? Interesting.

Poor Klaus just wants peace.

They seriously couldn't get a suit for Five too? Is he not allowed to wear anything else?

Five is onto Lila 🎶

Luther, are you stress eating? Well, at least you're not going on a bender again.

Awww, Luther- Allison reunion. Cute. Please don't make it weird.

Oh God, the awkward small talk is back 😩

I'm glad Luther is being so mature about this. I like this dynamic better.

"Vanya is on a farm. And happy" and Allison finds the happy part weird. Diego in the "nuthouse" and Allison doesn't find that weird at all, even does that 'yeah, ok makes sense' face. Klaus "cult leader" and Luther isn't surprised at all, that little "eh" was so funny.

Lord, this family is mess.

"Doomsday" *awkward chuckle* -you guys are getting way too used to this.

"Diego, try not to do anything too stupid" 😆 ah, brothers.

Lila in red heels, like mommy... 😏

Reggie taught them ballroom dancing? And Handler had the same idea?

Um.... Ok, so new theories! Do Handler and Reginald know each other? Could Reginald have been in the Commission? I'm going to be thinking about this for a while...

Just let the girl lead, Diego. Stop being a little bitch.

GRACE?!

So mom!Grace is either a cyborg or she was modeled after this woman... Makes curious about Reggie's relationship with this lady.

Diego going through the universal horror every kid goes through when realizing that mommy and daddy are "together". 🤣🤣🤣 "I can't picture it on my head. That's nasty"

She didn't tell him her name was Grace but apparently it is.

Am I the only one getting weird desperate and co-dependant vibes from Sissy?

Oh no! Save the baby!

Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! Vanya's powers are incredible! The special effects in this scene are unbelievable!

Save the child!

How did his lips get blue so quickly?

THE RETURN OF THE MAGIC ALIEN LIGHTS! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ok, I need to pause to gather my thoughts... Ok, things I hope don't happen-please don't magically "fix" the disabled boy, and please don't make the powers transferrable (that's just lazy writing, don't rehash "Misfits").

However, other than that I'm just very curious what those lights will do to Harlan. Will they just save his life? Will he gain powers? Will he have some weird connection to Vanya now? I'm dying to find out!

Anyway, back to the ep.

Baby boy is ok!

Luther, did you think pissing off the mobster would end well?

Elliot just starting up at Luther in awe and visibly fighting not to poke him. 😆

HELL NO, LUTHER! NO DRUGS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME?? YOU GOT YOUR BROTHER KILLED!

Oh, Sissy... Poor woman.

There going to kiss, aren't they?

Melancholic music kicking in. Sad emotional talk. Sitting way too close. Yeah, they're going to kiss.

Aaaaaand there's the kiss! ☺️

But now I need to pause and digress again...

Yeah, Sissy's feelings for Vanya are not healthy at all. In fact they mirror Vanya's feelings for Leonard- she's unhappy with her life and clinging to the first person that gives her attention. She wants help, she wants to be rescued, she's touch and attention starved. She's co-dependant and emotionally manipulative.

I'm not saying Sissy is a bad person, she's not, she's a sad person stuck in an unhappy marriage, terrified of being abandoned (almost paranoid) and exhausted under a lot of pressure dealing with a disabled child. And then in comes Vanya, who is perfect with Harlan, so loving and kind and has nothing else to pour all her attention towards. Of course Sissy sees salvation in Vanya and is desperate to keep her.

I'm not saying Vanya and Sissy can't have a beautiful healthy relationship, they can, but not like this. Sissy is clinging too tight and using Vanya to make herself feel better and make her life easier. They both deserve better than that and I hope they get it.

I'm starting to think that all relationships in this season might be doomed to fail:

-Sissy and Vanya have a co-dependant and emotionally unhealthy infatuation and Sissy is married to a man that, while not great, still clearly loves her;

-Raymond and Allison have too many secrets between them that are causing a major rift, they can fix it but there's also the chance that Ray might not be able to accept the truth about her;

-Lila is a double agent using Diego to get close to Five, she seems to be developing feelings but the fact that she's lying about who she is and working for Handler is obviously toxic;

-Klaus is pining over a person that Dave has not yet become and while he only wants to save Dave's life, it's obvious there's too big an experience and culture gap between them for a relationship to flourish;

-Luther and Allison have become one-sided and less innocent and puppy-love than before, now it really is just creepy and unhealthy (whereas before it was understandable because they grew up together under an emotionally unavailable father and isolated from the real world, naturally they became attached and confused their feelings, their attachment wasn't healthy but it was justified and almost innocent... Not anymore though);

-we have no concrete proof yet, but it seems Ben MIGHT be pining over a girl that might not even see him, he's dead, it might be an interesting dynamic storywise, but it's not going to happen, it's unhealthy and unfair;

Some of these couples might still survive and become great, it's still really in the season after all, but they have a lot of growing to do before they get there.

Anyway.... Back to the episode.

Oh Klaus... Off the wagon...

Allison being a good sister and taking care of her brother. My heart ❤️

Luther, you idiot... Well, at least you're getting high in a safe environment.

Luther and Klaus are self-destructing, my poor boys.

"you are super weird" - Luther, you have no zero right to call anyone weird, have you looked in the mirror??

"the woman I love loves someone else" -the woman you love is. your. SISTER!

I really like poor Elliot, I hope nothing bad happens to him.

Jesus, that's creepy, Luther.

Didn't I say Reginald was the 12th? 😏

Roswell? Reggie probably has a vested interest in that.

Blink out of there, Five.

I love that Five's main move is always 'teleport onto their backs and go for the throat'.

Wait, why did Five's teleportation glitch???

The music!!!!

Wait, did Diego's aim just glitch too???

Could these power glitches be connected to Vanya's magic lights going into Harlan? Or could it be something about the Swedes? Or about Reginald's presence, seeing as he dodged Diego's power before? Hmm...

Oooh, Lila has to choose between Diego and her mission already? Interesting... Of course she chooses to save Five.

Badass Lila is amazing!

So she could have helped Diego after helping Five but instead she just walks away? Huh, unexpected.

Diego, you adrenaline junkie. Good moves though.

The ancient Greek is a surprise! I really want to know what Five said to Reginald!!! What did he say? I need to know!!!

Another great chapter!! Very emotional too!

I want more!!!

[sergeanttpoliteness]

idk if you’re taking requests or anything, if you aren’t ignore this, but if you are I would die for a classic, upside down spider-man kiss with the loml spider-noir. poor guy would probably be very surprised at first but suddenly its his favorite thing to do. thanks I love you and your work!!

AND➝ mayhaps…. a first kiss with noir? if u have time! 

sorry for answering so late nonnies! i feel so bad about that, i promise i wasn’t ignoring y’all. same goes to the few other requests i have in my inbox right now! 

——-

➹ inconvenient feelings➹ (spider-noir x reader)

word count: 2.5k

a/n: can you tell i had no idea what to call this lol. i didn’t edit either bc… oof. i’ve been struggling a lot with writer’s block (nothing new, honestly lmaoo) lately and someone close to me recently passed away and i haven’t quite… been able to wrap my head around it?? i don’t know, not to be a little bitch but this week consisted of a lot of school stuff, emotions, and anxiety so thanks @ the people who requested this bc i needed to write some wholesome stuff. also thx at my bestie for helping me out w ideas, ily broz. anyway, there’s some minimum ripeter x reader although it’s solely platonic! hope you all have a lovely week (:

taglist: @marvelousmorales

It’s not convenient. Convenient was that one person with the pretty smile whose eyes seemed to possess an affinity to him that one time at a jazz club, or the singer with the honey voice and smooth runs more soothing than the late night singing of a mother to her child. A poor goon who smooched his fist whilst it collided with his face could even fit the designation, really— but what mattered, the simple component they shared, was that all three were just a speck in a sea with no end; an eternal blue void with only more possibilities hiding in the pitch-black depths neither he nor the light’s fingertips could touch. They were safe. Uncomplicated.

Peter stared out the window, at a completely distinct world, far from a city in a vintage film: the ongoing the mechanical song of speeding cars, the newer and taller lit up buildings, the blinking golden lights, identical to a field of a thousand miniscule suns. This was not convenient. It’s… so different— like day and night, water and fire. This meant to swim out of the ocean he belonged to and reach for a foreign land, to run after a mere drop of water when a whole fucking body existed behind him. It’s not safe. It’s complicated.

Your sleepy eyes roamed the same page for the fifth time with no precise purpose, more disoriented than a newcomer in a large city until they traveled and spotted their true destination: Peter’s own sight deeply engulfed in the view outside, the twisting of his brows every now and then filling your mind with wonder and curiosity at what could possibly be running through that brain of his. You could’ve continued with the ogling like the damn creep you were (seriously, you gotta stop it with that, you told yourself), but you slipped and made a mistake— the most laughably absurd misstep— worse than trying to take a picture of a stranger and then, to your utmost terror, the flash going off— which wouldn’t have occurred in the first place if you’d paid your electricity bills on time. Your apartment wouldn’t have been plunged into darkness, and you wouldn’t have, without thinking, your head clearly not in its right place at the moment, slightly tilted your phone and directed your phone’s flashlight right at the side of his face. You quickly pulled the beam of light away, as if that would work; however, his gaze drifted to you. “Sorry.” You blurted out, acting casual and pretending to focus on the journal on your lap. “You were so quiet, I thought you had fallen asleep.” You lied.

“No, I’m awake.” He said, furrowing his brows to himself— of course you already knew that. You mumbled a small ‘good’, holding the notebook close to your face, like a child staring through the window of a pet shop at some puppies, shining the ‘smartphone’, he’d learned, over the pages. You bit your lip, your shoulders shaking with your surfacing laughter.

“Oh, man, this one’s so dumb.” You snickered before running your finger up the paper, clearing your throat. “October 8th, 1999. Today I came back from my camping trip with Peter, Ben, and May. We ate a lot of s'mores— Uncle Ben makes the best! We also told some scary ghost stories, and I even made Pete scream. It was awesome. You will not believe what happened!” You read the last sentence with a dramatic tone, similar to that of a terrible news headline from a sketchy website, making yourself more comfortable on the L shaped bench seat and leaning into Peter’s side.

Peter tensed at first, but slowly, he pushed himself to relax after you rested your head on his shoulder, a quiet voice in the back of his head speaking against his desires, echoing the terrifying thought that he could get used to this. “I don’t know, enlighten me: what happened?” He asked, amused. You lifted your finger, eyebrows raising gradually, building up the suspense. He waited, and waited, and waited, until, finally—

“I have to go eat dinner. I’ll tell you later.” You finished with an unhumorous voice and a poker face. Yet again, he awaited in silence, interested. Man, you took this suspense thing quite seriously— wait.

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?!” He looked down at you and you nodded. “Oh, c'mon! You just gonna leave the reader hanging like that?”

You shrugged, wearing a shit-eating grin, loving his genuine disappointment as you flicked the page. “Sometimes that’s just the way it is.”

“Oh, what malarkey!” He laughed softly. You crinkled your nose— malarkey. What a dork.

You resumed scanning the barely discernible handwriting, the corner of your mouth tugging upwards. “Alright, this one does have an ending.” You sat up, rolling your shoulders back only to go back to your position of hunching over the journal. “April 3rd, 2000. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I forgot I had this journal. Something crazy happened.”

“The end.”

“Shut up.” You shushed him, shaking your head. “'I hung out with Peter today. We rode our bikes, had a race down the hill near my house, and I also got a butterfly to land on my finger. Man, I love insects!’ …and I still do.” You smiled and he glanced down at you, his mouth twitching. A peculiar glow in his chest grew, fueled him after he recognized that you felt comfortable enough to share this part of you with him; an insight on the stories that carved you into the person that you were today, the being that made every classy, pearly white grin and musical prodigy so boring, so undesirable.

You shuffled on your bum to turn and face Peter, continuing, “We came back home to play some more. We were sitting in front of the TV when, suddenly, he said my name, and like a normal person would, I looked at him…” You inclined forward, voice quieting, looking up at him.

“You won’t believe what happened.”

His eyes darted heavenward and he groaned. “Oh, lord.”

“He kissed me!” You cried out, with as much emotion that past you spilled onto the paper with the five exclamation marks and the three times you underlined the sentence. You slammed the notebook shut and let out a strangled clamor. “I still remember it very clearly. It was just a peck, but he fucking… smashed his mouth into mine, it hurt so much and my lip started bleeding and everything.” You giggled, abashed, rubbing your eyes.

Peter’s brows rose with surprise, pondering how an alternate seven-year-old version of him from another universe had more balls than him. He had to admit, though, the scene playing in his head was more entertaining than unfortunate. “And what’d you do?” He questioned, his mouth twitching.

“He was just curious and wanted to see what kissing someone was like, so we promised we wouldn’t talk about it ever again. He was so embarrassed, though, and felt so bad for making me bleed that he almost started crying.” You recalled, chuckling as you eyed the cursed diary one last time and placed it beside you. “What an idiot. I miss him.” You sighed, peering up at him, grinning. “What was your first kiss like, huh?”

It was comical, almost, the raging blush that trickled his face, the greyish tint screaming for the world’s attention. It was just a Peter Parker thing, you guessed: blushing like there was no tomorrow. “Uh, my first kiss?” You nodded. “Well… it happened when I was eighteen.”

You put the side of your head against the wall, eyes going round, your inquisitiveness close to that of a kid listening to a grandparent’s story. “Was it romantic?” You wanted to know everything: who the person was, the place, the context. Did he enjoy it? Did he make the move? And if so, then was there a chance that, maybe…

Unlike you, he did not have much interest in the subject; he stuttered, searching for a way to move on from the memory before he imploded. “I don’t, I don’t think anyone’s first kiss is romantic.”

You squinted at him, noticing his obvious attempt at dodging the question, but chose to spare him. Just for a few milliseconds, though. “Have you ever had… a perfect kiss?” You said, unsure of how to word such a silly question. He shook his head and you hummed, silently taking in a quick breath, your gaze moving to your right. “Have you thought about what you want it to be like?”

Should he say it? He wanted to. He really did. But he couldn’t, even if his eyes almost flickered down to your lips. “Who thinks about that?” He muttered. Perhaps he had. Perhaps he’d been guilty of having the thought slither into his mind once or twice— possibly more than just that. Perhaps it’d pestered his mind as of recent, like that damn small scratch on his glasses that won’t go away no matter how many times he tried to wipe it away as if that would even help. Perhaps it returned as you unconsciously licked your lips and raised your shoulder, a bashful grin growing on your face.

“I have, when I’m bored. An upside down kiss with a cute guy.” You admitted, your eyes narrowing afterward, only just now realizing how bizarre the idea was once you said it aloud. Your impatience throbbed in your head so badly you didn’t mind the embarrassment as much, though. You really were doing this, huh? “I think I found the cute guy.” You hinted, your heartbeat pounding in your throat.

He understood the insinuation, of course he did. But what better way to run from your feelings than close his trembling hand into a fist, pretend to be clueless, and act like an idiot?

“Who’s the lucky fella?”

Didn’t think he was so stupid, you grumbled in your head, masking your faint irritation. You pressed your lips together, sight on your cushions. “Someone I like quite a lot.” You vaguely said, voice distant. “Though I don’t think you’d understand— you’re not one to fall in love, no?”

It was half a joke but half a real question, one with solely one right answer you yearned to hear from him if you got lucky enough. Peter blinked nervously, fear burning in his stomach, clenching his insides as his tongue dared to break free from his control, from his cowardly spell. “Lately I’ve had someone in mind.” He breathed out, close to breaking out in a sweat. He watched how your eyes dimly lit up, hesitance impeding the light from fully glowing.

“Really? And who is this ‘someone’?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Tell me.”

“Not now.” He gulped. You pouted, begging with your eyes. “N-no.”

“Are you ever gonna make a move?”

Peter drew his lower lip between his teeth, feeling dizzy just by thinking about it; the downfall of the relationship once the distance became too much, once the malaise with no cure finally rotted the adoration, infested the heart, decayed it. “No.” Same answer. Same bedeviled word that boomed in his head whenever his emotions were close to getting the best of him.

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” You whispered, not caring anymore about how obvious you were

being. He frowned. Why hadn’t he done it yet?

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Why not?”

Why not? His own thoughts repeated, betraying him. The confusion unlatched the cage, released all the questions and doubts about his reasons and dread. They crowded his brain, rang in his ears. “It’s… it’d be too hard to keep the relationship alive.” He retold more to himself and the storm of interrogations than you.

Your brows snapped together, your own fear knocking on the door again. “Is it not worth it to try, though?” It’s what you’d told yourself: the antidote to unfreeze your limbs and wave goodbye at the concern hanging in there, because… was it not?

In the overwhelming haziness, he finally looked at you. It’s what he needed to come upon a realization, a truth he knew all along but crumbled and threw away. Everything hushed, one single, final phrase in the quiet of it all.

Convenient wasn’t what he wanted.

“It is.” He said under his breath.

You heard him, and your eyes twinkled. “Well, then make the move.”

He couldn’t help it anymore. His eyes found your lips.

“I will.”

You stared at each other for a moment, anticipation never more warming than right then as it fluttered in your chest. To your biggest disappointment, he broke eye contact and stood up. “Close your eyes for a moment.” He ordered, his face indistinguishable in the dark now that he was further away.

“Creepy, but okay.” You huffed, your eyelids fluttering shut. “You better not be running away right now, you’d break my poor ol’ heart.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not the case.” You heard him say. You trusted him, which could’ve been a terrible choice. The total silence that followed didn’t put you to ease at all, honestly. Maybe you annoyed him so much with your questions that he was about to murder you, and if that’s what was happening, you were quite sad, to say the least.

Your eyelids were itching to open and you lifted a brow, straining your ears to distinguish any sign of his presence. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re not gonna believe what’s about to happen.”

You snorted at his reference, but his voice was… oddly close. You opened your eyes, and— “Oh, fuck!” You yelped and jumped back in your seat. Damn right you weren’t gonna believe what was about to happen, for Peter dangled from the ceiling right in front of you, upside down.

“Is it too much of a strange idea? I was going to simply stick to the ceiling upside down, but then I thought… that’d be… worse.” He clumsily explained. You looked up at the web he hung from, laughing in disbelief.

“What the hell are you doing?” You repeated, but you weren’t mad— your large smile backed that up. You couldn’t figure out if it was a blush creeping up his face or if it was from the fact that he was upside down. Both, maybe.

“I’m making a move.”

You giggled, glad you confessed what you considered to be a perfect type of kiss to him or else you wouldn’t had witnessed how absolutely ridiculous he looked right now. “So you’re willing to help me check 'kissing someone upside down’ off my bucket list?” You smirked.

He grinned. “It would be my pleasure.”

You bit your lip, placing both hands on his head. “Alright, then.“ 

You leaned forward, the tip of your nose brushing against his chin. You softly kissed the area below his bottom lip to tease him, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. Not after so long. Quickly, he enclosed your own bottom lip with his mouth, lastly fully aware that inconvenient truly was magnificent.

[kseniainneverland]

DESCENDANTS 3 - REVIEW

WARNING! SPOILERS UNDER THE  CUT, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!! from this point onwards, reading is on your responsibility. you have been warned.

Alright, Descendants 3, where to begin with this...

First off, thinking that this is Cameron Boyce’s last movie ever, it makes me feel very sentimental and sad and I hope that the movie would’ve done him justice more. But I’m afraid that  while it was a cute and aesthetically pleasing movie, that is about it.

After watching it a couple of times now, I have one word for D3: clusterfuck. I’m not going to lie. D1 was great, D2 was good but D3 wasn’t really the ending this saga deserved. NOW KEEP IN MIND that I haven’t read the books and I personally think that the movie still should take time to explain things. Plus the books came after the first movie anyway so...

In a nutshell, the plot is inconsistent, the movie is rushed and lot of the character development (save from Mal’s and Audrey’s) is pretty much murdered and just ditched away. 

Beginning with a song like (Good to Be Bad) like every Descendant movie, it gives the movie the energy that it lacks towards the end. The VK’s choose Smee’s sons, Celia and Dizzy to come to the Isle and return to Auradon, only to get them after giving them time to pack their things.

Next thing we see, Ben and Mal are getting ready to embark to the Isle with the VK’s. They stop in front of the Beast statue though and Ben sings (short acoustic verse “Did I Mention”) to Mal, then proposing to her. Audrey is not pleased but hey she’s back and damn she’s rocking that hair! 

Now this is where things go a bit off the rails. I understand Audrey still holding resentment to Mal even though at the end of D1 she seemed to be amicable with her so - what’s the dealio Audrey? Of course we can assume that her resentment grew back during D2 - the movie she wasn’t in. Her grandmother is there and basically gives Audrey shit cause she lost Ben to Mal (like wth is it with this hatred from grandma, chill out lady...).

Mal, Ben and VK’s go to the Isle and while they’re leaving back Hades tries to break out and use his ember but Mal fights him (as a dragon) and gets him back inside. In Auradon, Audrey sits in her room and embraces her darkness (”Queen of Mean”, one of the best songs in my opinion, holy shit), stealing the Queen’s crown and Maleficent’s staff turning to Dark!Audrey and suddenly possessing magic and knowing how to use it without any training? Okaaay, shady much? I mean it could be the staff also controlling her so I’ll give the benefit of a doubt here.

Alright so Hades tried to get out, Mal makes the hard decision to shut down the barrier forever with Ben after reasoning with him and feeling guilt for possibly endangering Auradon. Cut to Evie’s little cottage-manor, Audrey pays Mal a visit, cursing her to turn into a hag. That kind of didn’t really serve a purpose in anywhere else than maybe Audrey’s mind if she thought that Ben wouldn’t love her? Idk man. Anyway, Mal can’t reverse the spell because “there’s nothing that can reverse the staff’s spell”. Oh but waaait....

The VK’s decide to get Hades’ ember, going to the Isle and suddenly Mal turns back again because dark magic doesn’t work in the Isle. So... Mal/VK’s just forgot that? I doubt it because they did live there for such a long time. Oh well, moving on. Celia is with them cause she runs errands to Hades. Meanwhile in Auradon, Jane’s having her birthday party and Audrey crashed it, cursing everyone asleep. Except Jane cause she jumps into the Magic Lake - again something that can reverse the staff’s spell that is supposedly non-reversable? Did anyone actually fact-check the script, I wonder... And well - she takes Chad with her. Oh the loyal, dumb puppy.

Alright back to the Isle, Celia gets the key and we meet Dr. Facilier shortly, he’s actually a nice man (oh and btw so was Dizzy’s grandmother aka. Cinderella’s stepmother before too...) which I have kind of hard time imagining BUT nonetheless I kinda like it? They get out and find Harry + Gil and couple other pirates stealing their bikes (same kind Mal took to the Isle in D2) and run after them. Celia and Mal go to Hades’ lair. 

They find Hades napping, but then he wakes up, Celia trying to distract him so Mal can get the ember. But whoops, he grabs Mal’s hand. And then we learn something shocking! (not really) “Hi Dad.” Oh well look at that, Hades is Mal’s dad. Even though I recall that in the first movie it was said to be a human male? But then again, makes sense why Mal has such great magical powers. They argue and get a nice rock’n’roll duet together (”Do What You Gotta Do” and boy I’m fawning over Cheyenne Jackson’s voice!). Celia kinda does background “ooh”s which is... so weird really. Like why?

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed the bickering chemistry between Hades and Mal as father and daughter. He clearly cares about her but tells her that her mother was not an easy person to be with and he never stayed in contact with Mal. Now this is about everything that we learn about their relationship. Mal has a certain resenment at him but Celia reveals that Hades being her father explains him asking about her. Mal tells her that Evie is the only one that knows.

Meanwhile in Auradon, Audrey visits Ben making him an offer to make her his queen again but he thinks she’s under a spell and Audrey realises he doesn’t care about her. She uses magic to turn Ben into a Beast and also turns Fairy Godmother running towards the Museum to get her wand into a statue (not shown how she made that happen really... but later on we see that she can apparently see ppl in the staff u know, like a CCTV kinda thing).

VK’s get back to the portal and when they cross over, Harry and Gil do too. They try to stop them and in the midst of it the ember drops to the water (spoiler: if it gets wet, it stops working). Uma catches it and then turns back into human. They strike a deal when Mal makes a promise to let any of the VK’s that want to get out of the Isle, get out. 

So Uma, Harry and Gil are now going to Auradon with the VK’s to help them. Kinda reluctantly. Gil gets all pumped up for fresh food and all which is kinda cute x’D And Harry ofc is trying to steal money from a sleeping student but Jay stops him. Dude is awake though and tells the VK’s what happened. They go to look for Ben and go to his castle, eventually finding the walls clawed and end up in a fight between some armors that Audrey controls (”Night Falls”). 

Eventually they beat Audrey together and almost celebrate. But not quite cause they are enemies. Evie is trying to play the middleman, suggesting an icebreaker game which doesn’t really take off. But props to her for trying. Also I should say that she suggested trying to be friends when they met Uma, Harry and Gil at the entrance to the Isle.

After the fight they split up - the boys go into the woods trying to find Ben while the girls go search Audrey’s room and Uma finds her diary where she mentions the fairie’s cottage. Then the girls go back to Evie’s where they found Smee’s twins and Dizzy sleeping as well as Doug. Evie tries too wake him up but can’t (duh, he’s under a spell). Uma’s all like “he’s under a spell. is she not a fast learner?” and Mal tells her that Evie’s emotionally involved. Which brings us to the ah so sweet - true love’s kiss (”One Kiss”). But Evie is unsure cause they haven’t used the L-word yet. When did Evie become so insecure though? She has been super confident throughout the series even though imho her storyline with Doug has NOT gotten the moment in spotlight it deserves. But wait, she kisses him after the song and he wakes up! Aww so it is true love. Bitches I wanted to see more of them before this bc they’ve been in the background (also can I mention that Doug has turned into like a young Nicholas Cage clone with his long hair and all and dam he’s cute!).

The boys find Ben, now in beast form and trying to kind attack them (and failing adorably) when Carlos calms him down and takes a splinter from his paw (i mean... he has paws now?). Kinda reminds me of Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast when Fawn took a splinter from the Neverbeast’s paw :’D Anyway, back to the story. Then Jane arrives with sort of a hose, getting Ben all wet with the water from the Enchanted Lake and he turns back too human - except he has a little beard/stubble and kind of fangs? Also Carlos and Jane meet again and are all cute together. Harry tries to make a move on Jane but Carlos literally blocks him, lol.

Back to Evie’s. Mal and Uma are talking when suddenly boards start covering the house. Audrey’s magic has gotten stronger cause Mal can’t reverse it alone but when Uma joins in with her shell, they manage to beat it, making Audrey angry. 

They build up a plan and Gil, Doug and Jane go look for the Fairy Godmother while the other’s go to the Fairie’s cottage, finding Chad locked in a closet. They walk out and then comes the moment of truth. Evie tells Ben that Uma + the pirates joined them cause Mal promised that the kids from Isle can come to Auradon. She reveals that she lied to everyone, making her friends mad. Celia takes the Ember, throwing it into a pool of water. Uma and Harry leave. Evie faces Mal, who obviously feels awful and her friends are mad at her. Then poof, they’re turned into stone. Mal sings what is - I assume - the song to build up her confidence/self-searching (”My Once Upon a Time”) and confronts Uma asking for her help to beat Audrey. But Uma turns her down even after she tells her that she saw the good in Uma - that she really cares.

Next we have Celia calling for help cause Audrey has her on top of one of the towers. Mal turns into a dragon, trying to battle Audrey but can’t do it on her own. Uma and Harry happen to come back and Uma’s suddenly like “she can’t do it on her own, i’m here girl, i’m here” forgetting that Mal totally lied to them and kinda screwed them over and helping her igniting the ember again. With the help from the ember, she beats Audrey. Everyone is awakened, except Audrey who’s fading away after being hit back with the magic. Mal can’t wake her up even with the crystal and tells Ben, Beast, Belle and everyone else in the room that Hades could. While they doubt it, Mal tells them that he’d do it - for her, he is her father after all. Ben is a bit shocked but sends guards to get him from the Isle.

He’s brought to the Castle in shackles and he works his magic, waking Audrey up. She apologises to Mal and then Mal apologises to her as well as Ben and then Audrey’s grandma apologises to Mal. It’s an apologyfest, and all is fine again. Yay? Hades is escorted back to the Isle and has a nice little moment with Mal, giving her the ember. Celia, Uma, Harry and Gil also go back to the Isle. Mal and Ben attend their engagement party and she surprisingly declares that she can’t be the Queen of Auradon - she can’t turn her back to the Isle. So in conclusion of a long speech, they open the barrier (even though the Beast is against it but Ben shushes him :D) and Mal becomes the Queen of Auradon and the Isle. (”Break This Down”) The people from the Isle (with Uma’s leading) notice this too and meet some of Auradon’s people halfway and have this big closing number with lost of  dance and singing.

And then people rejoice. Gil and Jay seem to have sparked a friendship. Harry brings comedy to the scene being like “so she’s deeeefinitely taken?” bout Mal, then trying to make a move on Evie and finally Uma who’s not having it. And then Harry ends up dancing with Audrey. Okay, seems legit. Then there’s Hades, being happy for Ben and Mal (and also giving Ben the “i’m watching you eyes”). They dance into  the palace yard (or somewhere) and the scene cuts to the core four, staring at the passageway to the Isle, apparently to go meet their parents (cause they didn’t come to Auradon?) and the end credits roll.

ALRIGHT.

Plotwise yes, it’s a clusterfuck. The whole movie is very rushed, it’s like they tried to include too much things. Like said, at the end of D1, it seemed that Audrey and Mal were somewhat civil, then Audrey was spending some time in the fairies cottage/seven acres woods/something like that in D2 and we didn’t see her at all. Suddenly she’s all hateful and resentful again and her grandmother is being a total jerk to her. Whole turning into evil happened almost right after the movie opened so there was no proper lead to it really. Nothing to explain WHY Audrey went back to resenting Mal and Ben and Auradon.

Then Mal’s father. Alright, pretty much everyone knew by now that Hades was gonna be Mal’s father even though I recall that in the first movie or somewhere else it was said that it was a human male. What happened in their past could’ve and more so SHOULD’VE been dug into a little more cause Mal is resentful at him for not being around - but why wasn’t he around? Why didn’t he call her? After all, he had been asking about her from Celia so obviously he does care for her.

The other VK’s were even more pushed to the side than before. I do get that Mal is kind of the lead here, but they did kind of sideline their character development. The other VK’s were in such minor roles I could easily say that they might as well be taken out altogether. Evie tried to be a peacemaker, she gets a few lines in couple of songs and one song to herself. Her character has also been very confident and craving for love, kind of seducing Doug in the first movie and making him accidentally jealous in D2 and suddenly she’s insecure? Yeah, love can be scary sometimes but of all the characters I just don’t see it characteristic to Evie to suddenly become uncertain of herself in the terms of love. Jay’s more like acting as a guide to good to Gil and Harry for the time being and Carlos is just being his adorable self. Still can’t believe there was no Jarlos kiss! (also he got Jane a pendant saying “Jarlos” as her birthday gift, how adorbs!)

The main problem is that there isn’t really a proper climax in the movie. It starts off god and then falls flat on it’s ass. May I also point out that not ONCE in these movies have Mal and Ben had a duet together - yes they’ve shared songs but also with other people in them - and they are the “true love” couple after all which is a bit disappointing. I mean Ben has been kind of put into thee background in the movies too - and in this last one even more so, whenever the core four have been side to side. But even in the last movie - since they’re engaged after all - I was surprised that when they opened the barrier, Jay was next to Mal (as well as Evie), squishing her hand and her leaning into him. In the end Ben is the king and Mal’s fiancee so in my opinion, he should’ve been next to Mal, not behind her (as much as I do love Mal). And I mean I was also waiting that the other VK’s would’ve met their parents too. But no. Disappointment. 

In a nutshell D3 is a movie about Audrey being a resentful brat and turning dark, introducing Mal’s dad pretty shallowly adding pretty much nothing into her story arc or character development. Except her forgiving her father pretty fast. Too much is trying to be fitted into 1hr45mins. Mal and Hades could’ve had their own movie working it out. Audrey could’ve had a thorough build up to what led her to the dark path.

Aesthetically it’s very pleasing and I enjoyed the music and I do love the cast. The end was kind of bittersweet and the whole movie was a bit unreal once you know that Cameron is no longer with us (rest in peace). So this is and end of and era. Despite this honest and well - unfiltered - review I thank the cast and crew of Descedants  from the bottom of my heart that they have brought these  movies to us.

Long live the VK’s!

[holland-stan-posts]

To the only boy I love - Sebastian Stan

Summary: you've joined Sebastian meanwhile he is filming in Greece, turns out you get bored and catch up in all his films...but then you both make an agreement to watch one and unconsciously you hurt his feels.

Warnings: HIGH SPOILER OF THE MOVIE "THE APPARITION" AND TOOK THE INSPIRATION FROM "TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED BEFORE" LOADS OF SWEARING TOO. You've been aware. 😂

A/N: I wanna specially thanks to my friend @kirawritesaboutevanstan for checking out this thing for me and making my shit writing into a fairytale one! Thanks baba, ily loads. ALSO CHECK OUR HER AMAZING WRITING HERE. (Highly recommend 'The Anchor in their lives' ❤)

M a s t e r l i s t

(THE PIC IS NOT MINE I TOOK IT FROM AN INSTAGRAM PAGE)

Basically, you've toured Greece from one end to the other in these two weeks. You were done, screwed. But your boyfriend was filming, and as support, you have to stay next to him. Not that you're there obligated to do so, but you took a month off from work, so you decided to join him during that time.

The thing is; you are officially bored.

Athens was nice, you took loads of pics and even wandered through smalls islands from Greece, so now you're sitting on the big sofa that Sebastian’s rented apartment has.

It's big, comfortable and almost feels like home. It's situated near the filming location which means it's quiet and very calm. Not really like your apartment back in SoHo. And as much as you hated to admit it but you sort of miss the constant noise of the city.

Now you spent your days alone, on the big couch, fighting with the remote control or with the devices since they're in Greek. However, you cherish every moment your boyfriend comes back from work. He'd snuggle on your side. He is warm and very welcoming, so hugging him is a totally win-win situation.

Also, he is very private when it comes to you. He doesn't post many pics of you on his social media, like on Instagram stories or WhatsApp's status. He likes you to keep you to himself. Mostly. That changed when he often found you screaming at the t.v. Because of a movie you were watching. He finds himself enjoying when you're watching a horror film, and then you're saying things like "don't fucking turn around Josh, you gotta get yourself killed dumbass!" or "KISS HIM ALREADY ALEX! CAN'T YOU SEE THE GUY HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?". His camera is ready for your endless reactions. He just loves that.

You've set yourself a goal, a few days ago. You've told yourself to start watching again Sebastian’s old & new films.

So by the time he made home today, he found you with a pillow in your hands, your popcorn bowl next to you and as snug as a bug in rug wrapped up in a blanket.

Let's not forget is HOT AS HELL in Greece right now, but due to the A.C. systems, you're freezing.

You are screaming to a Ben on the screen.  Your eyes light up when you spotted Sebastian standing in the door frame, eyes tired and with a happy smile.

You pause the movie and stare at him.

“Long day?” he only nods and walk to the comfy sofa and lays next to you.

“Was it hard? Do you want something to eat? I ordered a take out because you must be tired of my food by now” you scratch his hair carefully.

“I love your food, but take out sounds good too,” he says, instantaneously closing his eyes.

*  

You're back at your business, he already took a shower and is full of energy next to you, his Chinese food on a plate, his phone in his hands.

“What are we watching?” he asks nonchalantly.

“The Apparition” you grin.

“What? Babe, are you kidding right?” he laughs at your choice.

“Nope, I found the movie on Netflix and damn, those abs were gold back in time Stan” you tease.

“True thing, they were. But now? They kill” he winks at your direction, and you just roll your eyes playfully.

He left the room again, and you started the movie again decided to finish it, once again you're screaming at the screen since the characters are sort of dumb.

“I can't understand why they haven't left the house yet! It's haunted for fuck's sake!” you screamed at no one in particular.

“I don't think you understand that part babe. The house is not haunted. It's Ben, well sort of” Sebastian explains with the toothbrush in his mouth. He left again and then you suddenly got scared, so a pillow is being attacked by your hands now.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. They're going to die!” when Sebastian’s character dies you literally do a facepalm. “WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? You can't just die! Damn thing!” again, Sebastian’s phone is recording you. You get to the scene where the girl dies, so you're completely tense, waiting for the moment to happen. You don't even register him coming, still recording. Your bowl of popcorn in your hands, chewing slowly. When the demon takes the girl, Sebastian decides it's a good time to scream, he does, and the next thing your popcorn is flying around all over the living room.

“FUCKING HELL SEBASTIAN YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME YOU DUMBASS!” you hit him with the pillow, he is having a hard time breathing because he is laughing so hard.

“I'm sorry, baby! It was just so fun!” he says between laughs.

“Shut the hell up. You're lucky I didn't kick you out for that little prank you did there” you hiss at him and sit down on the couch.

He stops laughing and walks towards you, looking like a sad puppy. Jumping next to you, ignoring him you look for another movie on Netflix to watch. His head flies to your lap, looking at you.

“Babe? Please, I'm sorry. Would you forgive me? I'll do anything for you” he begs.

That exact moment you found the movie everyone is talking about.

“Okay I'll forgive you if you watch this movie with me!” you stare at him and kiss his nose.

“Oh no, babe! I'll do anything else just don't make me watch a rom-com!” he says whining and acting like a child.

He, in fact, loves to watch movies, but when is a rom-com from Netflix he is not a very big fan of them.

“C'mon jerk, you scared me. Now you get your payback. Oh and bring new popcorn” you smile innocently.

“You're lucky I love you” he mutters and goes to the kitchen for a new bowl of popcorn.

"To All the Boys I've Loved Before" is on and ready to start. You can say it's not going to be good based on the trailer you watched earlier, but since everyone is talking about a Peter Kavinsky, you want to see now.

When everything is set up, Sebastian immediately hugs you, using your shoulder as his pillow. The movie starts, and you both get so engulfed in it.

“I’d fucking move out of the country if that happens to me,” you tell to Sebastian who agrees when you see how Lara Jean’s letters are nowhere to be seen.

“Look, babe, he is writing little love letters to her,” you say in awe.

“He only wants to play with her. She's going to end up with Josh, believe me. TeamJosh” he says now wholly focused in the movie, he even left his spot on your shoulder.

“How so? He is her sister ex-boyfriend! That can't happen! It's a code we all agree on when we start dating! Do not date your boyfriend/girlfriend friends or family! Also, look at Peter! He is totally into her!” you say now.

“You'll see,” he says shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh boy! He really declares his love over the letters! I'm dying! This is so damn cute! He even stands up for her in the school! I told you!” you say tearing up when the end credits show up.

“Don't die, baby. I love you” Sebastian says really concerned.

“JUST LOOK AT THEM! I wish I could receive love letters too. Peter Kavinsky is so perfect! I want one too” you cry.

“Ouch. That's hurt my ego a bit” he breaks apart the hug and looks at you a bit hurt.

“Oh please, it's a fictional character” you explain with a shrug.

“It's okay. Let's go to bed. I have a long day tomorrow” he walks away, leaving you to clean the mess.

Later that night, after all the cleaning, you go to bed finding Sebastian sleeping deeply.

You check your phone for new messages when you found three notifications from Instagram where Sebastian mentioned you in his story.

The first one is where you are screaming at the t.v. Watching The Apparition. The caption is “someone decided to catch up on my old movies...I think I did a good job in that one. @yourusername ❤”

The other one is where he scared you, and the popcorn flies all over the place. “Sorry baby, you just looked so cute all scared @yourusename. 😜”

And the third is one you didn't notice he took. A pic of you swiping your tears away while you were watching the other movie. “She told me to watch this rom-com as a payback for the prank, now she's crying because she wants a Peter Kavinsky in her life...I'm slightly offended @yoursusername” you smile at the pic, his back is turned to you, so for tonight, you decide to be the big spoon.

Whispering a “you're way better than a Peter Kavinsky” in his ear you fall asleep, with your hands on his waist, your head resting on his back. Slowly he covers your hands with his and let you hug him tighter.

The next morning you wake up alone, Sebastian is long gone, you close your eyes a bit more, and when you reach for your phone in the nightstand you touch a paper that falls, so you got up and look for it.

You were on the border of tears. You didn't expect him to do that. He is the most incredible person you could ever wish for.

When Sebastian comes back home that night, he found on the coffee table some pizza’s boxes with coke, a movie ready to start and you standing there, with a rose.

“Babe? What's all this?” he asks clearly confused.

“Sorry I told that I want another guy in my life, I said that without thinking about your feelings. You're the only boy I want in my life” you held the rose in front of him to take. He takes it carefully.

“Normally a guy brings his girl flowers not the other way around” he laughs with tears in his eyes, reading the little paper that is in the rose, 'To the Only Boy I Love'.

“I know. But I think my boy should get flowers too. I love you Seb, a lot” you run to hug him, hiding your face in his neck. He whispers a slowly "Love you too" instantaneously he hugs you back, and stays there for a while, then cups your face and kisses you deeply.

When both your lungs scream for air, he breaks apart and whispers  “Hi” and smiles.

“Hi” you greet him too.

“Okay, let's go to see those movies” he laughs, kissing you again.

“Wait, you were serious? I honestly was thinking to let you choose tonight” you smile taking his hand.

“Really?” You nod, and his smile is bigger than ever.

He gives you a peck on your lips and runs to the couch, choosing an action movie and then pats the space next to him. “C'mon let's watch this one and then we'll watch one of your choices.”

“Oh Gosh, it's going to be a long night” you smile but cuddle next to him anyways.

*

Permanent taglist: @kirawritesaboutevanstan

[babyhoneystylcs]

love letters from the dead(p.p.)

chapter one || p.s. i love you a u

summary: After losing Peter Parker to the events of Infinity War, you learn Peter left you a box of letters to cope, wanting to be prepared for any possible outcome that came with the life of an Avenger

warnings: mentions of death, crying, slight panic attack

paring: peter parker x reader

word count: 2.8k

a/n: the first chapter is finally up! I hope you guys enjoy, send me an ask if you wanna be added to the tag list!

I apologize in advance if the read more doesn’t work!

the first part in italics is a flashback, the second set is a letter

You found the first letter a month after Peter died. After a month of mourning, sleepless nights, and trying to keep Peter alive in your mind, you and May decided to clean out his room. You were pulling clothes out of his bottom dresser, the one you used to steal sweatshirts from, the one where you took shirts from without telling him, the one where he hid things. You had finished pulling out the last sweatshirt, the red one that you had stolen so many times, when you saw the envelope with your name on it, the name only he called you.

Buttercup.

You hated the nickname so much, and knew he usually called you it just to annoy you. But it was only after Peter died when you started to appreciate it, wishing you could hear him say it one more time. You unintentionally put the sweatshirt, being overwhelmed with the smell of Peter, causing you to tear up a little bit. You threw the letter in Peter’s sweatshirt pocket, and continued packing away boxes.

It wasn’t till hours later when you had opened the letter. You and May had spent the day going through Peter’s room, and finding the little things that made you love Peter that much more. It was a rough day, filled with lots of tears, but some smiles could be seen from the two of you, smiling while telling stories about Peter, the main source of happiness and light in your life. One story in particular filling you with the most joy you had felt since Peter died. It was a story Peter and you had sworn to never tell May, but you knew the she needed the story just as much as you.

You didn’t get many mornings like this. The ones where you were woken up with Peter’s grip tight around your waist. Where he had come to you that night, without a scratch or cut on him. These were the times where you really forgot he was Spider-Man. To you, he was just Peter, the boy you had fallen in love with.

The sun was peaking through Peter’s bedroom window, the sun rays to hitting you directly in the face, causing you to let out a groan. As much as you wanted to stay wrapped up in Peter’s arms and never leave, you knew the two of you had to get to school.

You wiggled against Peter’s arms, trying to escape his death lock. Once you broke free from them, you had a look of triumph on your face. You were able to escape Spider-Man’s grip of death.

“Pete, Peter, come on, were gonna be late for school.” You whisper yelled at him, shaking him in the process, hoping that would make waking him up a bit easier.

You heard him groan before responding. “No May, five more minutes.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but in the end  decided to give him those five minutes while you looked for your phone. It wasn’t very had to find, as it had only fallen off the side of the bed.

Panic hit you as you checked the time on your phone.

9:45 A.M

“Shit shit shit” was the only thing running through your mind. You and Peter were already late. Right after you thought about how much school you two had missed, you grabbed the nearest object and flung it at Peter.

Much to Peter’s luck, it was only a pillow.

He let out another groan. “Seriously Y/N, you couldn’t have just tapped me?” He asked you, annoyance peeking through his morning voice, something you would normally appreciate, but were too busy freaking out about school to do that.

You hit him with another pillow before responding. “Peter, come on, we gotta go, we’ve already missed first period.”

Peter laughed and rolled over back onto his pillow, leaving you with a confused look on your face.

“Peter, did you hear me? I said we already missed first period.” You said again, your voice a little louder.

“Yes, I heard you. But I chose to ignore it. Come Buttercup, live a little. One day isn’t gonna hurt us.” Peter said, a teasing tone is his voice, and though you couldn’t see his face, you knew he had a smirk.

Your eyes instantly rolled at the sound of your nickname he had given you many years ago. “Live a little? Coming from your mouth? Come on Peter, you were the one who cried when you were late to class for this first time”

“Hey!” He said defensively. “I was still a kid, you can’t blame me!”

“Peter, that was a year ago.” You said, smiling at the memory.

“Exactly, I was still a kid!” He said, throwing his arms up as he got out of bed.

You saw him walk over to his dresser and pull out a sweatshirt, complaining about how you were just like May as he pulled out a sweatshirt for you. Your favorite one.

You wondered why he was grabbing you one, as it wasn’t that cold, but understood why when you looked down, only in a shirt. You saw Peter look you up and down in the corner of you eyes, and your cheeks became a shade of crimson.

“Put this on, we’re going on an adventure.” He said, putting his own sweatshirt on, and pulling you out of the apartment before you could disagree.

The warm summer air had hit you in the face right when you stepped out of the apartment, and you were starting to regret wearing the sweatshirt out. You could feel the beads of sweat falling down your head, onto the neckline of the sweatshirt.

You two had been walking for a few minutes in silence, hand in hand, ignoring how sweaty each others’ hands were. As well as you knew Queens, you had no idea where Peter was taking you.

“Peter” you said, it coming out as more of a question that his name.

All he said was “mhhh”, not bothering to fully respond. You rolled your eyes at the sound.

“You wanna tell me where were going?” You questioned, trying to sound persuading as possible.

“Nope” he said, popping the P. “Now shush buttercup, just walk and enjoy the view.”

“What view, the buildings?” You said sarcastically. After all, you guys were walking a New York alley, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but the two of you were too engulfed in each other’s presence to care.

Peter didn’t respond, only laughing at your sarcasm. Instead, he pulled you in for a kiss, and you were instantly silent. A smile was now apparent on your face, and Peter swore your smile lit up the whole world.

After another twenty minutes of walking, you and Peter had arrived at the mystery location. I had only gotten hotter as you guys walked, and the only thing you hoped the mystery place would have was an AC.

Sunny Side Up Diner

You had never heard Peter mention anything about this place, so as he tugged your arm to go inside, you followed him like a lost puppy.

The diner was what you expected it to be. It had the classic 80’s diner look. Bar stools, checkered floor, and a scent of burnt pancakes filled your nose. As the two of you walked in, every worker greeted Peter was a wave, and asked him how he was. You were confused to as why you have never heard of this place and people before

You followed Peter to the two-person booth in the back of the diner, it being very secluded from the rest of the place. The minute you sat down, you started pestering Peter with questions.

“What is this place?” You asked him, curiosity laced in your voice.

“It’s the Sunny Side Diner silly, it literally says it on the menu.” He said, pointing to the menu in front of him. One thing that really stood out about it was the little sun on the front.

You shot him a death glare, but for some reason, he laughed, thinking it was cute. “Come on Peter, you know what I mean, what is this place. What is it to you?”

You saw him sigh and tense up, making you worried. What if these were bad memories and you were making him relive them by pestering to answer something he didn’t want to. These were the thoughts running through your mind, and you were starting to freak out and the thought of making Peter uncomfortable.

Peter started to open his mouth to talk, and some of your worries went away. Before he could start, he was interrupted by one of the waitresses.

“Hey, Peter, how are you? It’s been so long since we saw you, everyone’s missing you!” the waiter said, and it seemed like she was about to jump with joy at the sight of Peter.

The waitress looked to be in her 60’s. She had a very mother like vibe, and you felt yourself start to calm down around her.

“Hey Martha! It really has been a while, I’ve just been so busy with school. You know, junior year and all. I miss everyone too, I really need to stop by more often.” Peter said, his excitement matching hers.

You were confused, to say the least. You zoned out with the two of them talked, and thought about the situation you were in. Peter had never talked about having any aunts or uncles in the area, so seeing him talk to this lady like family made you confused. Of course, you were happy. You could see the love she had for Peter. Something Peter needed. You were happy to see that he had what seemed to be some sort of family out in the world.

You were snapped out of your daze by Peter’s voice.

“Y/N love, are you okay?” Peter asked you, his voiced very concerned, with a look of worry on his face.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good, just zoned out.” You said with a smile, trying to let him know that you were okay. “Who was that?” You asked, noticing the lady from before had walked away.

“That’s Marth. She’s like an aunt to me. Ben and I used to always come here before he died. This was the place he would take me when I missed my parents a little more than usual. It was a place that May didn’t know about. When we came here, we would talk about anything and everything.” Peter rambled, taking a breath before he continued.

“After Ben died, I took May here and told her about all the memories Ben and I had made here. It was about that time when Martha started working here. She was a big help in making sure me and May were, well we were okay. She even helped us with rent whenever we needed it. Now, she’s like family to me. And I feel so guilt for not visiting more often, because she helped influence my life so much.”

You nodded, and tried to talk, but were cut off by Peter rambling more.

“And I’ve never brought anybody else here before. Not Mj, not even Ned. I can’t begin to tell you how guilty I felt when I brought May here. I felt like I was giving up the one place me and Ben had, one of the few things I remember about Ben and my time together. But with you, with you Y/N, I don’t feel any guilt whatsoever. I knew the minute you told me were late, this Is what I wanted to do. I wanted to bring you here, and show you parts of myself I’ve never shown anyone before, I want to show you everything about me, and how much I trust you. I want you to see the real me Y/N, the part of me that isn’t completely okay, and that part lives here.” Peter finished, tears now falling down his face.

Your heart ached for the boy in front of you. For all the years you knew Peter, you had never seen this part of him. He seemed so, happy, trying to make sure everyone was okay. And knowing that he had been holding this in for so long made your heart hurt so much, knowing that he sacrificed his happiness for others really showed how big his heart was.

You didn’t know what else to do, so you moved from your side of the booth to next to him. And you took his hand, holding it while rubbing small circles on it. You let him cry into your chest, the emotions he had been holding in for so long were now coming out. Tears were running down your(or, you guess it was his)sweatshirt, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was helping your boy smile again.

So that’s exactly how you spent your day. After the diner, the two of you walked to the city and went to all the places of your first. First date, first kiss, first “I love you.” Both of you ignoring the calls from you school. Each time Peter smiled that day, you knew that was the smile you wanted to see forever.

And how you wished to see that smile right now.

After spending the day with May, you went to the place you’d been avoiding since Peter’s death. The place where you and Peter had gone countless nights after patrol or nights neither of you could sleep, in the booth were tears were shed from not only laughter, but also sadness.

Once you got there, you made you way straight to the back, to yours and Peter’s booth. You ignored the looks of sadness, and the comments of pity you heard from the workers as you ordered Peter’s order. You ignored Martha’s sad smile when she saw you sitting in the booth, in Peter’s sweatshirt and sweats, wanting to have a a piece of him with you

You pulled the letter out of the sweatshirt pocket, and set it down before, opening it. You were afraid to open it, not knowing what would be on this letter. But you did it anyways, a few tears falling onto the letter, when you saw the neat, yet somehow scribbles handwriting that Peter was know for.

Dear Y/N,

If you’re reading this, well then, I’m gone. I died, maybe even perished. Too soon? Probably. But if I know you and May, it’s probably some time since I died before you opened this. Y/N, I’ve had these written out since I was Spider-Man, and I told you. You always told me to prepare for worst case scenario, right? Well here it is, my worst case scenario. As I’m writing this, your curled up on my bed, snoring very loudly, I almost wanna wake you up because of how loud you are. But I won’t because god, you look so damn angelic laying there, drowning in my sweatshirt. How can you still look so perfect while you’re asleep?

Sorry, I’m getting off track, but what I wanna say is, just because im gone, doesn’t mean I’m gone. I’ve sent out a bunch of these letters, so you’ll always know I’m here for you. Don’t try to find where these are coming from, because as smart as you are my love, you won’t.

But hey, while I have you here(haha, because get it, you’re reading this letter, and can’t really leave)can you do something for me? Make sure May’s taking care of herself okay. She’s already lost so dam much, and I don’t want her to break. And I know this is asking a lot, because you’ve gone through so much already my love and have to go through this too. But you can do it, I don’t want you to be sad over me. There’s gonna be some tough nights, I know it. But you’ll be able to get through it, I know it. You’re strong, stronger than I ever was. You were always my rock, no matter what you were going through, you were always there for me. Now be there for yourself….

P.S. I will always love you

Sincerely,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man

You sat at the booth, silent tears falling as you read the letter over. And over. And over. You sat on Peter’s side of the booth, crying and reading that letter, until you fell asleep. As you fell asleep at the table, you swear you could feel Peter’s hand closed on yours, rubbing small circles on it. Just like how you did so many nights ago.

t a g l i s t: @cottoncandyparker @lovelyh0lland @tomsfireheart @joyfulfrappuccino

[takaraphoenix]

The Force Awakens: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. No. Seriously. The Force wasn’t dormant or shit. It’s literally the life-force of the universe. And it wasn’t asleep. So it had no need to ‘wake up’. Suuure, it’s suuuper-meta for “Look! We brought it bake! It is returned! It is awakened!”. But within the context of the movie... made as much sense as... the rest of the Star Wars titles. So, it keeps in tradition, I guess...?

Things that bothered me:

That the only feelsy moment about Han’s death was between Leia and Rey. Rey, who admittedly had great chemistry with Han and who I really wanted to see taken in by Han and adventuring with him but who also had literally only just met Han. Instead of Chewbacca. Chewie and Leia should have shared that moment, really.

That Kylo Ben killed Han. Like. You gotta bring on a really strong redemption arc to save that somehow, because he literally just straight-up murdered the fan-favorite character. Damn.

And that the original trilogy is, apparently, a thing “long forgotten” by the people in the universe. What the fuck. That was just unbelievable. Like, Han and Leia and Luke are all literally still alive. Everybody seems to know Han. And Leia is still the leader of the damn rebellion. When your most history figures are a) still alive and b) still in positions wildly known, then it is just really unbelievable that the universe forgot. Not to mention the age. Han and Leia are not that old. You can start having people forget or doubt if at the very least one generation lays between them. But it doesn’t. Rey and Fin are young enough to be their children. Why would they think that Han and co are fictional legends...? Thirty years do not qualify as legends. That one is just straight-up bullshit, sorry.

Lastly, the stormtrooper thing. The clones were super handy because they came a) fully grown and b) docile and obedient. But now the bad guys... abduct... babies? And have dark supernannies until the kids are old enough to fight for them? Just to have a “Finn problem” of free will...? Questionable.

I found the... trailer-shots really forced. Chewie and Han entering the Millennium Falcon, posing and claiming “We’re finally home” and Han dramatically claiming “It’s all true” to the children. It’s blatantly obvious they were just for the trailer and to hype the fans.

That being said, I really fucking enjoyed this movie a lot.

Now, the things I loved:

I did not expect to like it that much. It was so much better than the trilogy, which, not hard. But I definitely also enjoyed it more than the original trilogy - well, so far. This is one movie out of three, so we’ll have to wait and see, but I definitely had more fun so far than in the first one of the original trilogy.

The main reason for that being Rey.

Luke, in the first movie in particular, is just so whiny and such an annoying protagonist.

I love Rey.

Rey is awesome. From that first scene of seeing her sit and eat in the sand with the silly helmet on like... such a soft girl, to how she instantly respected BB8 as an intelligent autonomous being, to her wonderful chemistry with literally everyone.

Her chemistry with Finn is off the charts. And if Disney is going to ruin this epic bromance by forcing them into a relationship because a boy and a girl can not possibly be friends without romance, then I will personally fly over there and give them a piece of my mind.

But her chemistry with Han was also amazing. I need all the fix-it fics where Poe, Finn and Rey travel with Chewie and Han as their new crew on the Millennium Falcon once there is peace.

All the people that I heard whine about Rey being a Mary-Sue... Yeah. Dear whiny fanboiz, shut up. She’s just a protagonist. She is as much the special snowflake as Luke Skywalker was - if not less considering she’s notthe Big Bad’s child. A Mary-Sue is if you retcon a completely flawless, impeccable special snowflake character into a story. This is her story. This is her trilogy. If you didn’t whine about Luke and Anakin being Mary-Sues in the original trilogy and the prequels respectively, you do not have the right to whine about Rey being a Mary-Sue in this trilogy, because otherwise it clearly shows you’re just whining because she’s a girl.

To sum it up: I love Rey.

I really loved the characters. They were great and they had great chemistry with each other. The cast is amazing.

Rey is a compelling badass protagonist.

Poe is the fucking sass-king and I regret that I did not get Poe and Han play off each other.

Finn is a precious bean who needs to be protected at all costs.

BB8 is fucking adorable and holy shit, I did not think the puppy-thing was that literal, but when he shakes his head it really looks like a puppy wagging its tail.

Kylo Ben - which I will be calling him because I don’t know if I should call him Kylo Ren or Ben Solo, so let’s mash - really needs anger management and a shit-ton of therapy. But generally; he is literally a reverse Luke. Top to bottom.

Mom is good but Ben is tempted into the Dark Side by a questionable master and is now constantly tempted by the Light Side but trying to fight it.

vs

Dad is a bad guy but Luke is tempted into the Light Side by a questionable master *cough* Yoda *cough* and is now constantly tempted by the Dark Side but trying to fight it.

Reverse Luke.

Dunno how I feel about that just yet. Gotta see more of it before I can judge. Hope he gets a better redemption arc than the prequels tried for Anakin because that was a colossal failure.

The story is... curious. The whole reverse-Luke thing. Can’t wait to see where this is going.

But oh, boyfriend jackets. To end this on a happy note. Boyfriend jackets.

Seriously. Finn finds Poe’s jacket and decides to just wear it from here on out. They’re reunited after having had one flight with each other and it’s like they have known each other for years. And when Poe notices the jacket and goes “That’s mine” and Finn scrambles to get out of it “No, no, keep it. It looks good on you”. That. Like. Ask the guy out on a date before you put your Letterman jacket on him, Poe. Really now! Those two are ridiculously cute.

Petition for Poe/Finn with their puppy BB8 and Finn’s epic best friend Rey to become Chewie’s new crew on the Millennium Falcon, please.

Also, someone tell me that it is a Hard Fanon that Han fucking doesn’t die. Look. I’m not asking for much here. The Avengers fandom did it when a completely unnecessary secondary character died. They just, as a whole, ignored his death until it actually became canon and he got his own fucking show out of it. So. I am expecting a fandom as large and as attached as this one to collectively ignore Han’s death please? Tell me that’s a thing, @kimmyhunter??

[qorillas]

a comprehensive humanz listening experience

henlo friends i wrote this as i listened to the entire humanz album for the first time. here are my thoughts and revelations written in real life as i went through this life-changing and at times harrowing experience. i hope you enjoy

intro: i switched my robot off

is that russel’s voice

that FUCKIN TRANSITION INTO ASCENSION??? damn

7/10 im fuckin ready

ascension

gets me fuckin pumped as always

BE A PUPPET ON A STRING HANGIN FROM A FUCKIN TREE

9/10 after like 50 plays over the past few weeks it’s still great 

strobelite

oh this is a cute intro. very bouncy

sounds like a hip and trendy remix of the seinfeld intro. im digging it

this is the type of song you go swaggering down the street to wearing ur fancy new 70s disco duds

just had a mental image of murdoc dancing disco to this

i feel like this is gonna grow on me in the coming weeks

noodle’s falsetto is so cute she’s going so hard i love her

7/10 i like how happy it was

saturnz barz

honestly after how joyful strobelite was this tempered the album really nicely

i still can’t listen to this song without thinking about murdoc’s dick. minus one point

honestly i’m only four songs deep and the album already has got a really strong electronic pulsing haunting vibe going and i love how well it all goes together

death by 2d. those vocals? WHACK and by whack i mean i want to cry it’s so beautiful

6/10 always a classic and gave us THE BATH but honestly i’ve always liked the other singles a bit more and i don’t want to think about murdoc’s dick

momentz

what is happening

MOMENTZ that scared me

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT HHOTLY SHIT

THEY’RE GOIN OFF

DAAAAAAAMN 2D

dirty

im gonna SCREAM THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD THIS GOES SO FUCKING HARD GOD FUCKIN DAMN

whose voices are those?? the high voices saying plastic on the ceiling

is that 2d and noodle omf

honestly the fact that this is in a major key makes it like. really psychedelic party hard i can see people headbanging and on hella drugs listening to this

i think i liked the intro part more than when it got all dreamy at the end

7/10 kind of petered off at the end but the intro was really amazing

interlude: the non-conformist oath

i promise not to repeat things other people say lmao

4/10 obligatory weird shit from damon

submission

ohhhHHHHhh the vocals

OOOHHHHHHH THE BACKING VOCALS

ohhHHhhHHHHHHHH fuck fu cku fucK i love the backing choir it’s so gorgeous 

all the choir backings make me think of the whole band just singing quietly together in the back and. idk it’s such a good image of them all being so deep into their music and jamming together and on the same wavelength

what the hell kind of noise is 2d making in the background of this

i feel like this is gonna get stuck in my head in the next week 

HOLY SHIT THE RAP i like his rap style very erratic 

the choral vocals behind the jumpy rap is so good

this is honestly something i think of when i think of the word celestial

8.5/10 this is gorgeous but i’m saving 9s and 10s for things that really knock me off my feet 

charger

is this the orange juice lady

super tough leather jacket vibe murdoc def wrote this

fuuuuuuuuuuck stu’s lil breathy speaking voice. honestly im weak for high pitched breathy stu voice he’s so cute fuck me up

a cha cha cha

i feel tough listening to this like walking into a gritty bar and smirking at everyone. the beat is really stalky

idk normally i don’t really like songs without very much melody but its p well done 

OHHHHH the electronic whistles that’s good

murdoc probably was fuckin his bass for this one

okay more melody at the end!!! choral backing vocals are back too i like it more now

6/10 2d’s vocals got me wet ngl

interlude: elevator going up 

wait that was so short

uh 5/10 because the guy says going up like gooOOOooing up which is nice

andromeda

ohhHHHh okay honestly with the interlude before it it’s nice it feels like im taking a fast glass elevator up to space 

OH I JUST GOT WHY THERE’S LIKE AN ELEVATOR SOUND AS THE FIRST NOISES

this like. cleansed my palate and calmed me down after charger. 

the drum? ??  poppin. smooth backing instrumentals. noodle’s little humming in the background? adorable. 2d’s falsetto? magnificent

the little melody right before take it in your heart now lover always gets me it’s so dancy i always bounce around to it. so great

andromedaaaaaaaa (andromedaaaaaaaa)

when does damon cry

8/10 another hit single and it reminds me of like neon signs and retro roller rinks

busted and blue

OH FUCK IT TRANSITIONS

OH FUCK THIS IS THE ONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE CRY ISN’T IT

ohhhHHHHHhhhhh god oh god this is gonna fuck me up 

FUCK

death by 2d 

ohh. oh my god. fuck. fuCK. fuck the vocals. fuck. the vocals. 

my heartstrings

is it about 2d? because if it is. oh god that’s so sad

amplify the sirens more like amplify my sobs because there are tears

so deep and ethereal i feel like i’m sitting on a roof staring up at the stars about to fall into space

I CAN’T GET BACK WITHOUT YOU

this is another love song on par with to binge or on melancholy hill

murdoc niccals or stuart pot or SOMEONE IN THIS BAND is in LOVE WITH SOMEONE and it’s BREAKING THEM APART 

THE BACKING VOCALS oh noooo oh noo oh no

fuck i’m really actually tearing up i [note: i had to stop here because my breathing was getting funny and i was tearing up and my rommate is asleep so i had to calm down]

he sounds like a lost little child looking at the stars through his window 

the deep bass sounds and the minor chords and the gentle snapping. im floating

THE SLIDING NOISES this is what it feels like to be in space my heart is so cold and empty but so full 

the ending satellite. the gentle rain noises. the setting down of the music. goodbye i am dead tell damon albarn that he has killed a person on this day

10/10 this song is one of those rare ones that catches me by the heart and reminds me of dark blue and stars. thenks damon albarn for my life and someone please comfort 2d 

interlude: talk radio

why are there so many interludes in this damn album

wtf

uhhhhhhhh

is this guy okay

2/10 what the fuck

carnival

what the fuck

oh okay that opening beat was cool

is someone knocking on a door. let them in

the keyboard in the back is cool i guess

someone please let whoever’s knocking in 

very bobby womack-y vibe. pretty intense between the dark instrumentals and the KNOCKING WHICH DOES NOT END

hyeAUp

3/10 i didn’t really like it. very spinny tho and it goes well with the rest of the album as like a filler song

let me out 

MAMA MAVIS OH MAMA THEY TRY MY PATIENCE

OH OH OH IT’S GONE WHO IS LEFT TO SAVE US

OH OH OH WE MOURN IM PRAYIN FOR MY NEIGHBORS

THEY SAY THE DEVIL’S AT WORK AND oh IS CALLIN FAVORS

honestly the little electronic oh oh oh’s in the beginning are what i live for

plus they bleep out trump which is hilarious drag him damon

let me out let me out let me out it’s DEL LET HIM OUT

fuck this was my favorite out of all the singles i listened to it 15 times today

2d’s vocals are adorable yeah yeah yeah 

the whispering gets me SO MCFREAKING PUMPED im ready to OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT

the build up gives me legitimate shivers. the whispering and the choral vocals ugH i love it

you gotta die a little if you wanna live

the ending is so haunting

let me out 

9/10 i love this song so much please let del out. my only problem with it is that i sound dumb when i try and sing the first lines with the electronic oh’s 

interlude: penthouse

REALLY ANOTHER ONE

damn someone’s goin hard

ding

5/10 sounds like one of those audio posts where people do some song but heard through the wall 

sex murder party 

just looking at the title i know murdoc wrote this

oohhhhh nice beat

this is like going to a cool underground house party with lots of smoke and colored strobe lights somewhere in germany

is someone playing the kazoo

idk i don’t think 2d’s sleepy sad vocals really go with this it sounds like he’s mourning while walking down a runway

on that note: model 2d walking down a runway. he would fall off the stage almost immediately

this sounds like something that would play in forever 21

the deep voice has some cool lyrics 

why are they whimpering the words sex murder party 

the kazoo is back

murder murder murder muuurder 

4/10 didn’t love it but it was better than carnival and it had a kazoo 

she’s my collar

ohHHH i like this very punk pop

oH SHIT damn stu those vocals tho

wait what is he talking about a collar

DID HE JUST SAY SHE’S MY FURSONA

i likE IT IT’S VERY DARK AND BOUNCY AND ETHEREAL BUT UHHHHH IS THIS A REFERENCE TO ALL THE BDSM AND FURRY SHIT GOING ON THIS PHASE

the panting .. . . mmmmmm

2d’s tryna get some 

KALI DAAAAAAAMN

this is a really sexual song but i really love it 

i really love when 2d speaks quickly and semi-raps 

kali’s vocals are gorgeous. also her snapchats were great

she’s my collar she’s the one i’m running with 

im jammin out this is gonna be my new jam 

FUCk the panting came back i. wasn’t expecting this

9/10 2d’s into some kinky shit but i’d still let him fuck me 

WAIT THE PANTING IS A REFERNECE TO DOGS FUCKING SHIT IT’S A PUPPY PLAY REFERENCE WITH ALL THE 2D DOG STUFF THIS PHASE FU ck

i am. kinkshaming. minus one point for making me suffer through this realization

interlude: the elephant

COME THE FUCK ON THEY’RE NOT INTERLUDES ANYMORE IF THEY TAKE UP THREE QUARTERS OF THE GOTDAMN ALBUM

uhhhhh again. what the fuck

2/10 these are getting annoying

hallelujah money

so unsettling and weird but that’s what it’s going for i guess

ben clementine’s voice is so good and it sounds like a sermon esp with the choir in the back i love it

idk it makes me sad because it reminds me of the night of the election and how everyone cried and was so scared

i love the chord progressions

haaaaaaallelujah moneeeeeeey 

again 2d’s vocals kill me i have been slain thrice

we are still humans, how will we know, how will we dream, how will we love

what fantastic lyrics. the crux of the album tbh i feel like i’m being told a story

this song terrifies and creeps me out but makes me feel warm and strong like i can face the scary things it brings up??  i don’t like it as a song per se but as a piece of art with a message it’s absolutely amazing

HALLELUJAH MONEY

where is my spongebob scream

8/10 i never loved this song but i appreciated the chord progressions a lot this time around and it adds a lot to the message of the album. also it fuckin destroys donald trump lmao damon what is ur damage i love it

we got the power 

honestly it’s upbeat and i like that but it’s a little bit too cheesy for me

the claps in the back remind me of that shitpost where it’s like the people in the 80s doing that weird dance yoga

this is a good song to do jazzercise to. imagine murdoc doing jazzercise

 never mind don’t do that

“on the m1″ is that a reference to m1a1?

oh oh oh stu ur so cute

the backing instrumentals are so powerful i feel like i am being propelled through the stratosphere on russel’s back

5/10 it’s cute and happy but i never really ever got into it even after having had time to

interlude: new world

P L E A S E N O M O R E I N T E R L U D E S 

this sounds like an electronic soap opera intro theme song

the elevator? ? i guess the elevator is the new thing this album

oh fuck this is creepy 

yikes yikes YIKES 

honestly it has an actual uhhhh music ish thing going on so?? ? i guess there’s that

i just wanted to be close to you BITCH NO GET THE FUCK AWAY 

2/10 because i don’t want to be close to whatever’s whisperin in my ear and also because apparently damon albarn does not understand what an interlude is 

the apprentice

so great. so jazzy. so cool and suave. 

clap clap clap cla-cla-clap i love the beat 

I AM A BROKEN SCREEN I’M A MAP ROUTINE

this is also going to get stuck in my head isn’t it

I’M INSIDE YOUR HEAD ya u are

oooohhh the electronics are so bubbly

THE FEMALE SINGER’S VOICE? ? ? SO SMOOTH SO GOOD so gorgeous im dead

this song reminds me of a lava lamp 

YO NEW BLACK KING NEW YORK DREAM 

IM THE FIRST BLACK PRINCE OF A NEW WHITE KING

god this rap is so great 

normally i don’t like slower songs but this one just. takes its time and jams out and knows exactly what it’s doing. what a bop

8/10 a solid addition to the album and holds its own really well 

halfway to the halfway house

this album is so long but i’m not complaining. actually i am a little because i have a writing sample due in an hour and a half and my computer is dying but this is more important 

nice spaceship sounds

2d’s really jamming out on those bloopy keyboard sounds isn’t he

it’s like floating in a pool of static kinda

i like the chorus esp since everyone in the band is singing together which i still think is so cute

everyone singing on it has really good voices but idk the fact that there’s no real melody kinda distracts from that 

it sounds like a congregation or a gospel choir which is super cool 

3.5/10 it was pretty cool but a little too aimless for me

out of body

pipe down pipe down

tHIS IS CREEPIN ME OUT

oh SHIT WAIT THIS IS SO COOL DAMN

i don’t know who’s rapping right now but i love her and her voice

THIS GOES OFF DAMN

i love it. i love this song this is so bouncy and cool and it’s so cute too with the lyrics telling you how to dance

noodle wrote this. noodle 100% wrote this

i feel so cool listening to this 

this is definitely going to be in a commercial for like. fashion or makeup or something 

this is the new runway song

this is something you listen to right before going out to some fancy european club with like models and weird plastic architecture

oH SHIT OH SHIT 2D’S RAPPING IM SCREAMIGN

FUCK 

FUCK IM YELLING his voice is so high im screeching

they made this fucking dork into a suave motherfucker 

9/10 i was briefly transformed into a european model and stuart “two-dents” pot makes his debut as a falsetto rapper and also establishes himself as the coolest baddest hippest raddest mofo out there despite not being able to tie his shoes 

ticker tape 

it’s almost over :(

very dreamlike and chill 

awwww the way he sings ticker tape is so cute 

the whistling!

okay this one’s cute it’s like. very dreamy and sweet

cauterized and beautiful wow i like those words 

i can see stu or russ singing this gently under their breath while just doing work. what a cute and sweet song 

it’s about healing? maybe they’re healing their relationships with each other. i hope so

a sudden draft and quick chill, a single snowflake falls and that is all damon your imagery is fantastic as always

ohh the acapella is so nice. this means murdoc had to go buh buh buh in the back which is cute 

the sudden stops are so quirky 

again i love the crackling of vinyl at the ends of some of these 

7/10 super cute and not what i expected at all from such a dark album

circle of friendz

the final song? ?? i hope it’s good i wanna give it a 10

ohhhh what’s gonna happen with this buildup

who’s breaking shit

aw these lyrics are cute even though they’re a little juvenile 

a circle of friends :))))))

the growing instrumentals in the back are so sweet 

stu and noodle singing my circle of friends as the last thing in the album rotted my teeth and gave me diabetes

a cute ending!!!! even though it didn’t wow me it made me smile

7/10 they are a happy family 

faves: ascension, saturnz barz, momentz, submission, andromeda, busted and blue, let me out, the apprentice, out of body 

overall: not going to give it a numerical rating because i would just give it a 10 because i was so excited for it. honestly i think it was a pretty solid album there weren't any breakout hits like feel good inc. or whatever but they did a really solid job on it in total. thenks damon albarn for my life please tell 2d and noodle and russel and murdoc i love them 

[blogobot5000]

EVE: Love me a good beard

BONNIE: But his beard, you know how there’s good beards and then there’s beards that… aren’t.

EVE: Yes.

BONNIE: His … was aren’t. His was not good. It was not. It was. Messy.

EVE: Nothing worse than a messy beard.

BONNIE: UNLESS THAT’S THE STYLE.

CLEO: Was it a style?

BONNIE: This was not a style.

EVE: Rough.

BONNIE: So… I mean. His shirt was also like NOT CORRECTLY BUTTONED. He did not put an ounce of effort into how he looked, it seemed. Like I busted my ass leaving work, showering, getting ready, and then rushing to HIS AREA to meet him at LIFE ALIVE and like … he did not seem like he cared or tried to look nice for the date? It wasn’t like “I intentionally looked careless cause that’s the look I’m going for’ it wasn’t that at all. I know he did want it to be a date cause he mentioned bringing me over after if it went well…

EVE: DID YOU?!

BONNIE: I’m getting there! So, I mean I also DID NOT like the way he talked. He just. Had this way with his hands. And his voice reminded me of Alan –

CLEO: OH, FUCK HIM!

BONNIE: Exactly! So noooooo thank you. ALAN CLONE. NOPE. And put your hands away. But he was nice and he was trying.

EVE: Except for his clothes.

BONNIE: HIS VOICE WAS TRYING. So, we left and he asked if I wanted to get a drink – and I was like sure!

GWEN: You gotta stop sayin’ sure.

BONNIE: And, so, we went but like the whole time I just wanted to go to bed, I was tired and then I felt bad like not only was my time going out the window but I’m wasting his time

CLEO: You are way too nice.

BONNIE: So, then the waitress comes around and she’s like “Do you want another drink” and I’m like “No, thanks! I’m all set!” BUT WHAT DOES HE DO!? Orders anothers Jack and Coke.

EVE: Boo!

BONNIE: Trapped! But eventually the waitress sees that I needed some help, she brings the check, and he’s like holding onto it. He’s just like WAVING the check around like it’s the goddamn flag on the fourth of July. I honestly don’t even REMEMBER what he was talking about because I was way too focused on trying to think about making myself look like I was not looking at this check waiting for it to be paid so I could get the fuck out of there. At one point he put it in the pocket of his unbuttoned shirt and I still have NO CLUE why he did that but he did and just kept it there. So I thought after a bit he FORGOT it was there cause it was hanging out like a little lost puppy WAITING TO BE REMEMBERED. I made some sort of comment or joke that it was there and he was like “Oh, right” and pulls it out and then asks me about paying it.

GWEN: Wait for the whole thing?

BONNIE: Yeah. Cause he got dinner. Which like, sure fair- I don’t really care. I’m a strong, independent woman who can pay. But like let a girl offer first?

CLEO: Cheers to that.

BONNIE: So I was like yup. Fine. Whatever. We paid. Then when we walked out and some dude came running out after us and was like HEY HEY HEY- did you lose your debit card?

EVE: Your debit card?

BONNIE: Nope! You would think it would have been mine since I paid but it was not – it was his.

GWEN: Odd.

BONNIE: So, he’s having this whole moment with this guy like “Oh man how did that even happen? Woaaa, life is crazy!” Then the other dude was like “Okay yeah bye.” He walked me to my car and I completely avoided kissing him. I never talked to him again.

CLEO: Cute.

BONNIE: Totally.

MAN: (Coming over) Anything else for you ladies?

GWEN: (Pointing to her fake pocket) Should we get the check?

CLEO: Maybe we should get the check.

BONNIE: Can we get the check?

MAN: You can get the check, yes. (Chuckles, clearing glasses) You girls, you have some crazy stories-

CLEO: I’m sorry (Reading name tag) Anthony- were you eavesdropping?

MAN: I mean, no – it was just really easy to hear, being close by and all.

GWEN: You look familiar… are you on dating sites too?

MAN: (Quickly embarrassed) Why, well- what? Why?

GWEN: Are you?

MAN: I mean I have been, yeah. Hasn’t everyone?

EVE: Preach.

CLEO: Any luck?

MAN: Nah- the last girl I was talking to said I was too tall (Or short, depending on the actor) Which… that really sucks, because height really doesn’t matter, does it?

EVE: (Clearly drunk at this point) Height doesn’t matter?! Lemme – let me tell you a story about THAT if you think that height doesn’t matter! (Stands up) I was talking with this guy, Per… Perry? Peter… No- Percy- Percy! For sometime. He asked me out so I decided ‘sure, why not? I’ll go out with Percy- what else am I doing right now. Nothin! I’ll go out with Percy.’ Well there I was waiting for him outside the movie theater in my RED COAT because, well it was February, it was winter time and I texted him, because I got there first (Suddenly loud) LIKE THE RESPECTABLE PERSON I AM (Pause, takes another sip of her drink) Anyway. (Composes self) There I was, like this (poses as if she’s there, texting) and I said ‘Hey! I’m here. I’m in a red coat. Waiting for you. Outside. The. Theater.” (Aside) Cause that was the plan. And he said “Okay – good to know! I’ll be right there. I’m right around the corner.” So I waited (Pauses, as she says this next bit she begins to climb up onto the bar, slowly) I’m looking at my phone and I’m waiting and looking up, casually, and waiting- and then I hear a “Eve?” and I look up, and it’s him, all six feet and seven inches tall, and I go: “Hey-” (She gives a small wave) and then (With sudden intensity) HE SWOOPS DOWN AND GRABS MY FACE WITH BOTH HANDS LIKE I’M THE FUCKIN TREASURE TROVE HE’S BEEN SEARCHING FOR AND BEFORE I CAN EVEN SAY MY FUCKING NAME AND A HELLO. DOWN COMES HIS LIPS AND GOBBLES UP MINE LIKE I’M THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH OR SOME GOBLET FROM ANCIENT GREECE. HE TRIES TO SUCK MY SOUL FROM ME UNTIL HE FINALLY RELEASES HIS CLAWS FROM MY FACE AND I’M LIKE (meekly, coy) “Why hi there.” BUT REALLY, I’M LIKE WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST ENGULFE MY WHOLE FACE WITH YOUR TONGUE. WHAT TACTIC IS THIS? (Composing self) He takes my hand which I had to lift to my waist to meet his and we went to a bar-

CLEO: Wait – you went with him after that?

EVE: What was I gonna do?! (Dramatically) He flew down on his giant man wings and took me away.

CLEO: You just wanted free drinks didn’t you?

EVE: How dare you! Bah! It was an experience I had to see what was gonna happen.

BONNIE: So – then what?

EVE: We go – the bar is … so, so crowded. I mean it was a Saturday in February in Boston, what do you expect? But eagle eyes McGee finds a spot “THERE! IN THE CORNER.” He leads me through a sea of Boston’s finest and we sit. He’s all like “tell me all about you.” (With increasing alarm) So I’m like “hi – I’m Eve, I work in administration, blah blah blahhhhh,” and as I’m doing so he’s touching my knee and feigning interest and I’m all like “hahahaaaa and I like to do crochet, I used to work with the elderly” and then he’s inching closer and I’m like “What do you like? Do you know how to knit?!” and he’s like (whispering) “yeah” and THEN INTERUPTS ME BY PLACING HIS FACE ON MINE. The poor people next to us, I can only imagine they were thinking, ‘What the heck is going on here.’ I mean, who knows when they left, but they did at some point. Because that was it: talk, feigned interest, knee touch, repeat. Over and over. Until we finished our beers. Then we left the bar, walked around, and it was the same but talk, face caress, SWOOP DOWN- BECAUSE-MY-HEAD-BARELY-MET-HIS-ELBOW- kiss, repeat.

CLEO: (Sarcastically) Sounds like a workout.

EVE: (Laying down on the bar) I’m exhausted.

CLEO: (helping her off the bar with BONNIE) So, what then? How’d it end?

EVE: (Sleepily) Oh… um… I don’t know. I never saw him again. I just got out there real quick. (Perking up) Do you remember Jess?

BONNIE: Avenue Q Jess?

EVE: Yeah – so apparently he also messaged her the SAME message he initially sent me like two days after we went out.

CLEO: Classy.

EVE: Isn’t it?

CLEO: Dating isn’t always the worst. Sometimes the timing just sucks.

GWEN: Oh, like Darren?

MAN: Who’s Darren?

BONNIE: We all have a Darren.

MAN: I don’t have a Darren.

EVE: (Lifting head) I bet you do have a Darren, Tony.

MAN: Who’s Darren?

BONNIE: Who’s Tony?

EVE: (Pointing at MAN) HE’S TONY. It’s short for Anthony.

CLEO: Don’t mind her. She’s drunk.

GWEN: I’m sure he’s aware. He sees drunk people all the time.

EVE: Team Tony!

MAN: (Chuckles, not sure why she said that) Thank you?

CLEO: Anyway. Darren. He could have been “The One.” His first message to me will forever set the bar. It was a game of Scattergories. The game where you have a list of things and a letter and you need to write the thing beginning with that letter in under a minute. I was hooked. He wasn’t like any of the others. Then, we met in person and sparks flew. He walked me home, he didn’t have a coat and it was freezing. Then there were bowling dates and board game dates and cozy movie dates. Everything with him was so easy. Except for kissing. The first time he went to kiss me, I panicked because I realized too late what was happening and I wasn’t ready and I bit him. We laughed, he was sweet, and then was very clear about his kissing intentions from that point forward. God, he was a good kisser. But, this just happened right around the election… then, the whole world fell to shit and away he went. He will always be my “What if?”

EVE: (To MAN) See, Tony – we all got a Darren.

MAN: Please get off the bar.

EVE: (Grumbles) Do I gotta?

ALL: Yes.

BONNIE: (Helping EVE off) I use that way about Ben. But, don’t worry. That feeling disappears when you find the right one!

EVE: Here we go!

MAN: (Cleaning glasses) I’m guessing you found the one then?

BONNIE: I’m in LOVE!

MAN: Congrats – that’s great.

CLEO: The only one in a committed relationship and suddenly she’s the resident expert.

GWEN: Like six months ago she wasn’t juggling four men!

EVE: Teach us, oh wise one!

BONNIE: Woah! Calm yourselves. First of all, I wasn’t juggling four men. We were just-- hanging out. I was living my best life: no strings, no commitment, all the fun. Riddle me this: dating for over a decade and I find all of the good men AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. Well, we drank. Bowled. Went to museums. The zoo. I was living my best life and bringing these men along for the ride. But, soon, they started weeding themselves out. One by one. The hot, nice guy, with whom I felt no chemistry. SWIPE LEFT! The dude who worked in my field, shared my friends, and would have complicated my life greatly should things have gone past the point of no return. SWIPE LEFT! The man who was basically me, but with a beard. Turns out, I cannot date myself. I’m A LOT. SWIPE LEFT! Then, there was one. A patient, kind, funny, smart, loving one. I don’t know. Who knows if it’s forever? But, right now, I’m happy. I’m really, really happy.

GWEN: Who would have thought one of our own would end up in a healthy relationship?

BONNIE: Not I.

CLEO: Do healthy relationships even exist?

BONNIE: Cleo!

CLEO: I’m kidding (Rolls eyes)

BONNIE: You know what, that’s it. Give me your phone.

CLEO: Why?

BONNIE: Because, there’s someone even better than Darren out there for you and I’m gonna prove it. (BONNIE takes the phone and continues to type frantically until her next lines)

EVE: (Beat) Anyone need another drink?

BONNIE: I think I’m just going to finish what I have. ​​

GWEN: I’m good with water.​​

CLEO: I don’t need another.

EVE: TONY! I CHANGE MY MIND! ONE LAST ROUND! Tequila shots!

MAN: You’re cut off.

EVE: Fair.

MAN: How about some water? (MAN brings water)

EVE: Listen, I don’t know what you heard. But we’ve been places, okay? Tony. Listen. We’ve been everywhere. To gas stations… and polygraphs… and France… (Louder) and right and left hands… and axe murderers and serial killers… (Louder and stands up with passion) and the goddam English Muffin pizzas that he wasn’t good enough for. One day, I’m going to find that right man who will be thrilled when I make my English muffin pizzas. And, I’m not going to settle for anything fucking less. (MAN begins to walk over with check.) We’re all not going to settle— (To the women) am I clear? (To MAN) I said, AM I CLEAR?

MAN: Here’s the check (Walks back to the bar, grabs a bucket of dirty dishes and glasses exits off stage)

BONNIE: (Looking up from phone) Yes! ​​​

GWEN: Crystal!​​​

CLEO: No settling!

GWEN: Well, on that note, I think it’s time we called it a night. (Everyone leaves money and begins to gather belongings to leave)

BONNIE: OHHHHH! ONE NEW NOTIFICATION!

CLEO: Ugh (rolls eyes)

BONNIE: A like AND message. Anthony, 28. “What’s your favorite work by Shakespeare?”

GWEN: Shakespeare? Okayyyyy…

EVE: WAIT! ANTHONY?

CLEO: Yeah?

EVE: (Gestures back to where MAN had exited. Connecting the fact that he is, also, ANTHONY) Him? Is it him? CLEO, MY GHOST QUEEN, I KNOW YOU HATE GHOSTS BUT IS IT THAT TONY THERE?”

CLEO: Wha- no! (Takes phone back from BONNIE) It’s not – wait maybe? Is that him? Is that his photo?

GWEN: He’s cute! Look at those eyes! I thought he gave you an extra smile tonight.

BONNIE: Cleo… are you blushing?

CLEO: No!

BONNIE: You are!

GWEN: You think he’s cute!

CLEO: Shut up!

EVE: SPARKS ARE FLYING HERE. CALL THE PAPERS.

GWEN: Wait—is he wearing a toga?

CLEO: Yes. That is 100% a toga.

EVE: Rock on, Tony!

GWEN: Toga-Man Tony

EVE: Bartender Tony!

BONNIE: (Sing-song) So, Cleo, what are you going to do?

(CLEO smiles and puts her finger to the phone. BLACKOUT)