A child I love
You spent your time with Murmur-san during the heartbreaker event. He was hoping for a non combat group, but that wasn't the case. You had found Goemon's team. At first, you were both fine watching the team, which basically took itself apart for you.
But you were concerned. Your usually positive and peppy child looked tired and more stressed than you had ever seen them before as he tried to calm down his juniors. Then you saw Murmur-san make a move. It was the wrong move to make.
It certainly increased discord with the group, but you saw that it had pushed your child too far. Goemon was about to have an evil cycle in front of his Kohai's. You quickly threw your cape over the two, covering their eyes. It was too late for you to close yours however.
The number one rule of the Gaap household. Never show your true face. It made more sense to you now as you stared at the boy in front of you. It wasn't a metaphor.
Underneath the lovely silver fur was a morphed and grotesque figure. Twisted and mauled in an unsettling way. It was honestly what you would compare to a living nightmare.
No... that couldn't be right. He was one of your babies. So full of energy and egar to try new things and meet new people. So, how could you possibly think that description matched that of the child you knew?
You tried opening your mouth, but nothing came from it. It was as if you had been silenced. You could only stare at the true face of your distressed child and do nothing. It was heartbreaking.
You couldn't move even as you knew Murmur-san had knocked your child out with his magic. You could one stare paralyzed by what you had seen. Everything soon became a blur.
You woke up in the med tent. You woke up hearing a panicked Goemon and a calm Murmur-san. You carefully got out of bed, making sure to keep your balance. Why was your baby upset? Why was Murmur being an ass and saying that he couldn't see you?
You flug the curtains open and punched the bastard in the jaw. "Leave my baby alone! Of course, he can see me, I don't care if I'm on my death bed. You don't dictate if they can or can't come in!"
Looking towards Goemon, he seemed to stiffen. He was crying and scared. Quickly, you wrapped your arms around your furry child. He squirmed and tried to push away.
That was odd he had never tried to avoid your affection before. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I shouldn't have, I didn't mean to, I-I" His hiccups sobs made you squeeze tighter.
He whined, but you held firm. "I think we need to have a little chat, dear." You proceeded to move him back towards the divider for a small sense of privacy. "I never wanted y-you to see, I just wanted them t-to stop fi-fighting." He wheezed out as you sat him on the bed.
A jumbled blurr of images past through your mind. That face in particular. Oh... realization hit you. You cupped his furry cheeks. "Goemon. I'm not scared, I'm right here, I'm not gonna run away or stop loving you."
"But how I acted was so shameful!" You let out an amused huff. "Baby, if you hadn't noticed. Nobody in this family is all prim and proper. We all have faults." You petted his fur.
"And so what if you got upset? You had every right to be. There you were with two unrelenting and disagreeing parties trying your best to prevent infighting, and they just ignored you completely."
You scowled remembering the two first years. You were going to have to scold the later. "You are one of my children, one of my boys! How you acted wasn't shameful."
His fur tickled your hands as he started to nestle into your touch. "You don't think I should give up?" He asked quietly. "Why should you give up on your goals? So you reached a bump in the road. It's okay, you can learn from this."
Resting your heads together, you sighed. "The truth is, not everyone can get along with each other. And it's not like you can agree with someone about everything. There will be times when you argue or times when you part ways on bad terms."
You watched him slump a bit before nudging him. "But that makes those you do stay with those you can past arguments and understand their differences all the more special. Cause you decided that they were worth understanding. And they thought you were worth it too."
He seemed to perk up at that. Their he was your positive child. "You- you think I'm worth staying for?" The amazement in his voice as he quickly threw his arms around you. You laughed.
"All my children are worth staying for. Even if they cause trouble everywhere they go." You teased. Ruffling up his fur. "Thank you." You didn't respond to that. You didn't need to. You had said enough.
That image still flashed in your mind from time to time. But despite the harsh features and the rather hideous appearance... it was still your son. They say there are some faces that not even a parent can love. Well, shame on them for missing out on great kids like Goemon! You would love that face if no one else would.
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Pedantic, chapter two - a Malevolent AU
Arthur Lester is the best IT architect in the world, and the reason Carcosa, Inc. has its fingers in every pie. Government, medical, everyone in the world uses its systems. Arthur is also going blind and nearly gives up… until a deeply annoying cybersecurity programmer prods him into trying something new.
Chapter Two: It’s too much trust with too little information.
AO3
----------
The alarm was bad, and he felt bad.
Good morning, Arthur, said Cassilda, responding to his consciousness.
Damnable consciousness. Nobody needed it. Arthur grunted.
Do you wish for coffee?
Coffee; his grandmother would have lost her mind to see Arthur drinking it now instead of tea, but years working in Italy and then in San Francisco had made him something of a coffee fanatic. “Yes.”
He lay still while the smell filled his massive penthouse. Open concept taken to extremes, this place was one enormous square with specially coated glass floor to ceiling on all sides, so he could see everything and not be seen. The only actual opacity was around the bathroom, and while Arthur had still been able to see, that column of darkness in the middle of his precious, fading view was an affront.
He’d needed to see as much as he could, everything, everywhere, all the time.
It was pointless now, though. At night, he could no longer see, not even the nearest city lights. It was darkness. In day, it was blurr.
This disease wasn’t fully understood. It was genetic. Arthur’s family had handed it to succeeding generations like a toxic heirloom for hundreds of years. The doctors (Hastur ensured he had the best, no matter what country of origin) told him he was one of twelve known cases in the world.
The upshot of which meant that going blind happened to many people, but doing it like this had no cure.
Optical implants did not help; something was interfering with the actual signals in his brain. A full eye transplant did not help; poor Zhao had gone through that in Taiwan, but because the cause was somewhere else in the body, her new eyes still went dark.
Arthur knew he didn’t have much time left being able to do this all on his own. He’d been fighting since he was seventeen, doing everything he could to maintain his ability to see. The focus paid off, and the drive. He was fine, financially. He could retire right now, if he wanted to—as one of the best systems architects in the entire world, the jewel of Carcosa, Inc., he’d been paid very well.
But Arthur didn’t want to retire.
He would be making these systems even if he hadn’t been paid. He had to; he was driven, focused. Obsessed. He needed to keep working, creating, crafting better and better ways to handle the massive amount of data passing through Carcosa’s servers.
Damn near every country that could afford it used Play (a silly OS name, but Arthur liked it because it implied things like a closed structure, heavy editing, and trustworthy intention from beginning to end). It was flexible enough and secure enough for both military and political needs. Excellent for education and medical systems both. A person’s entire life was safe within Play.
(And he had said absolutely no to any lesser version of it being available for “just folks.” It was the full version or nothing. There would be no bastardized, trimmed down, pitifully gutted version of his masterpiece, thank you very much.)
He loved making things that just worked. Interfaces that were never confusing. He loved restraining and properly utilizing AI, loved tweaking those tiny, barely noticeable details that kept his GUI beautiful and sleek and made everyone who used it feel safe and well-regarded.
Arthur always made sure it met every damned security protocol. It wasn’t like he didn’t care about security. He just lacked Doe’s crystal ball or captured pixies or whatever the hell he used to predict whatever was coming down the pike.
Doe. John. He still didn’t know what to do about this bet. He rolled over and hid his face in the pillow.
Coffee’s ready, Arthur.
She made it sound divine.
He checked his feed as he staggered into the kitchen area (an island with a tiny stovetop and two refrigerated drawers—someone with the money for a penthouse like this was expected to eat out more than in) and listened to notifications and messages as he indulged.
Praise, mostly, of course. The new system had slid into place perfectly without disrupting anyone’s work-flow (which was his design ), and security was already reporting a significant decline of bad actors. Two countries had already needed Lullaby to save themselves from being digitally invaded.
Arthur checked. Yep, they’d invaded each other with malicious code. Unreal.
The last email was from Hastur. All it said was, Well done. Let’s talk about your next project.
There wouldn’t be one, no matter what John Doe said.
Arthur was young. He knew this. Thirty-four was hardly retirement age, especially when he didn’t want to, but… it wasn’t really an option, was it?
He’d been trying to work with Cassilda to code without being able to see, and… he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. It was trying to make music while deaf. It was trying to paint a portrait while colorblind. He could see what he wanted in his head, understand how to achieve it, but on the bad days…
On the bad days, he squinted an inch away from the screen, unable to make anything out at all.
Arthur switched off his feed and pulled up some old classic panel shows instead. A little David Mitchell ranting—beloved but long since deceased—could always get him in a good mood.
#
The commute was dull. His car drove itself. Arthur refused to engage with Doe.
Boring.
More congratulations as he got into the office, which was to be expected. He smiled, shook hands, took it as best he could, and finally retreated to his personal office space.
Glass, all around. Of course. And he could see… colors. Some shapes. The world made Impressionist, but he would not give up this hard-won office any more than he would his penthouse. Damn it. He’d cling to it as long as he could.
Hastur was calling.
Arthur sighed. “Pull up the video.” Because Hastur… Hastur really liked to see him, whether or not Arthur could see him back.
The three-dimensional image appeared over Arthur’s desk, full-size, beaming down from on high, and Arthur gave it his best smile. “Good to see you, sir.”
Even with fading vision, he could tell Hastur was having a great time. Blue sky rose behind him, and he was framed by figures in slinky gold. Faint music wafted through—strings, some instrumental version of classical music, Arthur thought by the Beastie Boys. And Hastur himself…
The old man was always a vision. Handsome, preened in that particular way only the very rich could be, he claimed to understand Arthur because of his own special needs: Hastur had lost his arms and legs as a soldier fighting in the war for Ythill. His disabilities, however, could be fixed with technology, and Hastur had gone hard.
Very few humans had the required intelligence and coordination to manage more than four limbs. Hastur managed ten: eight bionic tentacles below the waist, and a mere humble two above. He’d struck Arthur like some kind of wild, ancient god from the moment Hastur had recruited him; something out of myths and legends, who’d built an incredible company fulfilling incredible needs like a deity’s blessing.
Right now, Arthur could see several of the bionic limbs moving, doing who knew what off screen; Hastur was always multitasking. “Arthur. Brilliant. I have been instructed to give you presidential thanks.”
“Presidential? Which?”
Hastur smiled. “Several. It seems you’ve already stopped multiple ransomware attempts. You’ve done it again. You’re a boon to this company, Arthur.”
Relief. He would go out on a high note. “Thank you. Thank you, sir.” Arthur had not admitted he was going to quit after this. He had phrased it as taking vacation time.
Hastur knew, though. “Your next project.”
“Hastur, we… I told you I need a break.”
Hastur knew. “I know. You deserve vacation, and the rolled over days give you a while. But I want to know your next plan. Where can Carcosa be improved?”
And Arthur knew what he was doing. Trying to get him hooked on an idea, a project, a challenge—knowing all too well that the moment Arthur got truly invested, he could lose months in the planning and programming and execution. It was like blinders. It was like being driven by a vengeful muse.
And Arthur knew he couldn’t pull it off. There would be more errors, possibly dangerous ones like today. He couldn’t. “Hastur, we…”
Even from here, the old man’s face was hopeful, warm. Even if his eyes were like knives.
Arthur hated to disappoint him. He swallowed. “I’ll have an answer when I get back from vacation. As we discussed.”
“Yes, of course,” said Hastur, who clearly did not want to wait at all. “In the meantime, think of whatever you need for your new project, and I can supply it.”
The pressure was heavy. He owed Hastur everything. They both knew it. Arthur squirmed. “I haven’t taken a vacation in four years, sir.” Since his eyes began to really degenerate, and Zhao’s transplant had failed. Time off felt dangerously wasteful.
Hastur sighed. “Of course, Arthur. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you, sir.”
And then Arthur had to smile and nod through twenty-five minutes of business gossip and stocks and purchasing opportunities and business rivals.
It was fine. He didn’t have to respond—just listen.
All the while, Hastur’s limbs worked, mixing drinks for his guests, doing who knew what with his contracts and his followers. The man never did just one thing at a time.
Arthur’s phone buzzed. Cassilda read it off: Gonna answer me, coward?
That asshole Doe! Why did he always have to be so damned aggressive?
But was he?
Was it… humor, again? Abrasive, like a dog that always bites when playing, but… “Never a day in my life,” Arthur answered, murmuring.
“I knew you’d agree,” said Hastur, who was talking about short selling.
Then take the bet. Coward.
Arthur considered.
“This will allow us to expand,” said Hastur. “The Mnomquah moon base first, obviously. But if we can get Play to work for the Martian colony…”
An enormous challenge. So far, it had been impossible to achieve fast, secure connectivity between Mars and Earth because, you know, space. “It seems risky,” said Arthur to John.
“But a risk worth the reward,” said Hastur.
Don’t take it and you lose a chance at continuing the thing that gives you joy, said the voice in his head. Take it, and you risk nothing.
“I risk failing. That’s loss of hope,” said Arthur.
“Oh, son, not at all,” said Hastur lightly. “If it fails, you will try again.”
So then you only lose the thing you already fucking threw away, said John Doe with the gentle delivery of a linebacker. But at least you tried.
Arthur wanted to argue with them both, but one of them was actually right. He was giving up. Throwing hope away. “I guess it comes down to choosing to have more hope, then?”
Now you’re getting it.
“Now, you’re getting it,” said Hastur in eerie approximation of that digitized voice. He leaned in, and Arthur had the impression he was being studied. “I hope this isn’t a repeat of that moment of weakness two years ago.”
Two years ago, Arthur had considered quitting. Considered leaving and enjoying the world while he could still see it. Maybe going nuts and taking one of the ridiculously expensive civilian trips to the Martian Aihai base, or something.
Hastur had convinced him not to do it. To spend what time he had left creating instead, building his legacy—and Arthur didn’t mind that. This was what he loved, and he suspected he’d only have lasted a week without architecting something, anyway. (He’d had the thought of completely redesigning the entire Aihai base just out of twitchy need, and it made him laugh.)
Still. Hastur would push him to do something he didn’t want to do if he admitted how he felt right now, and Arthur did not like to be pushed. “No, sir,” he lied, knowing Cassilda would understand sir meant absolutely not John Doe.
Fuck!!!
Arthur jumped. The reader had been interpreted that as a yell.
Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, Cassilda helpfully read off.
Hastur seemed to be studying him again. Maybe his lie hadn’t been good enough.
Sorry. Spilled coffee approximately the temperature of the fucking sun all over hell.
Arthur’s lips twitched. “Are you all right?”
“Only if you are. You’re the soul of this company, Arthur,” said Hastur.
“What, not the heart, too?” Arthur teased.
“A heart without a soul is dead and unbeating. I need you, Arthur. Your innovation.”
It’s on my lap, not my chest. Weirdo.
How could this completely busted three-way conversation make him want to laugh when he really wanted to cry. “Sir, I…”
“You’re worrying me a little. In the wake of such a success you should be happier.”
Arthur sighed. “I just don’t know if I can do this.”
Both the other two were briefly silent.
“You will,” said Hastur, and it sounded almost like a threat.
You know what? Maybe not. But maybe you can. And I wanna be there either way.
“Why?” said Arthur.
“I believe I’ve already answered that,” said Hastur, low.
Maybe I don’t want to see the most brilliant man I’ve ever tangled with give up without a fight.
“I…” whispered Arthur, unsure whom he was responding to.
“You know what? You’re right, Arthur,” said Hastur. “You need a break. You’re burned out. I’ll have Kayne set up a vacation for you.”
Oh, he did not want that. “Sir, with all due respect, I can do it myself.”
“Nonsense. And put more on your clearly overburdened plate? You’re a tender soul, Arthur. I will see you taken care of.”
Arthur sighed. It wasn’t as if he had to do whatever bonzo-loco coo-coo-manic thing Kayne suggested. The man was just so fucking hard to say no to. “Sir…”
“No, no, I’ve taken enough of your time. Go take your break. I look forward to seeing you revived and ready to innovate.” Hastur toasted him with a weirdly shimmering gold drink.
“Thank you, sir. Have a good day.” He made the hand gesture to shut the call off.
Arthur slumped in his seat with a moan. This was going to be so hard. How the hell could he get Hastur to understand? Hastur had plucked him from obscurity when he was fifteen, based entirely on a project Arthur built for a contest to redesign the local waste facility’s system. He’d believed in Arthur. Always supported him. How could—
Still haven’t answered me. Coward.
“Still thinking. Prick.”
I await your graciousness’s response with eagerness, said the reader with none of the sarcasm that Doe surely intended.
Arthur snorted. “You’re serious about this?”
Completely.
Was there really anything to lose?
More pain to gain, maybe. A second loss of hope.
But… he would have tried. Surely that mattered. To be able to enter full darkness with no regrets…
Arthur took a deep breath. “All right, Doe. You’re on.”
John. And fuck yeah.
“John.”
Took you long enough, Just Arthur.
John Doe may be a bitey dog, but he wasn’t, maybe, a mean one. “I’ll let you know what the project will be. Do we need a contract, or something?”
If you want. I don’t feel like I need to be protected against you. You’ve got a good rep.
John didn’t have enough of a rep for Arthur to make that guess regarding him. “I’ll let you know.”
I’ll be waiting.
It was time to make a call.
#
It hadn’t been a bad breakup. It really hadn’t. Parker had never been pushy, even when Arthur was at his worst. They just… hadn’t worked as lovers.
They were better friends. And Arthur didn’t have a lot of those.
He usually didn’t call for business, though. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Parker sounded surprised. It was only about five in the afternoon in San Fran, and he was probably still at work. “Everything okay?”
“That obvious I need something, huh?”
Parker’s chair creaked as he leaned back. Arthur could imagine it all too well—his office, papered in clues and letters and reports and photos, analog to the core because he believed seeing it all jogged the human brain in a way digital renditions didn’t. “You’re not in the middle of a project, which is when you usually call to bitch. Congrats, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Arthur said, smiling a little.
“It’s not the weekend, which is also when you usually call after you’ve had a bunch to drink alone,” said Parker.
“Hey, I’m not always alone,” Arthur protested.
Parker ignored that lie. “So what’s up?”
“Can you look into someone for me?”
Another creak as Parker leaned forward. “Professionally or personally?”
“Parker, what the hell does that mean?”
“I mean do you want to date the guy, or is this a business venture?”
“What the hell difference does it make?”
“One means I tell you anything I can find about the guy. The other means I elaborate on his resume.”
This was about trust. It had to be personal. “I’m not dating anybody, but I want the former. I’m giving this guy access to my code as I write it, Parker.”
Parker understood that. “Shit. You sure you’re not dating him?”
“I’ve never even met him. He lives in New York City.”
Another creak. “Okay. I’ll do it. Name?”
“John Doe. Head of cybersecurity for Carcosa.”
Parker paused. “You realize I won’t be able to learn a lot about a guy who’s that into security.”
“Just everything you can. He came out of nowhere a year ago. That’s not good enough.”
“All right. Yeah, I can do this. When do you need it?”
“ASAP. I’m paying your expedited rate.”
“Arthur, you don’t gotta pay me nothing.”
“Double negative. So we agree.”
“Arthur.”
“I’m paying you. Shut up.”
“Fine.” Parker’s voice betrayed his smile. “ASAP.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
They said their goodbyes and Arthur got to work, answering questions from the press, turning down interviews (he always did), choosing charities to put money into, choosing schools to fund for their IT programs.
His legacy. He knew it mattered. One such program had given him everything he now had.
The time passed slowly; it always did, after a project launched, and no matter how tired he was, he hated the sluggishness of downtime. He handled office requests, signed off on a few smaller projects still under his mantle, and by the time he was done with all of that, he knew what his next project would be.
A new idea always felt so damn good. Now he had to wait for Parker to do his own magic.
------
CHAPTER THREE
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