#Buck’s like dating someone I saved from a helicopter didn’t work

[theotherbuckley]

The way Tommy looks sad saying to take a rain check to Buck because he feels bad that he’s taking Bucks husband on a date instead.

[flashbang-througthe-door]

Untitled

A/n: this is a Lear/Hudson fic...I was curious...if your reading this that means I actually posted it and I'm sorry, also why is this like my magnum opus

Lear/Hudson

Tw: Swearing, smoking, a description of being left for dead

implied past relationship between Lear and Hudson

Description: The others left Lear and Hudson alone in a foolish attempt make them get along but something else happens

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Lear and Hudson were left alone in the safe house in an attempt to make them get along, but it was hitting an interesting moment. The two men one leaning against the desk in front of the office the other leaning against the evidence board puffing away on a cigarette. To an untrained eye, they looked like they were staring at each other but to anyone who knows these two would know this is a staring contest. Whoever lost would hear about it for days. "Giving up Italy?" "Not on your life America...." Lear responses neither of them had blinked yet.

Hudson starts heading towards Lear still not blinking "Hey, remember no touching it's not fair" Lear reminds Hudson, who gave a slight nod remembering the few rules they set. "You remember when we first met?" Lear asks he missed the time back then "Eh, Italy right?..... Florence....that uh" Hudson tried to think back to the place "The abandoned church...your government wanted me, they sent you and a few agents I ran into the church after uhhh" Now Lear couldn't remember what happened before the church "You tried to throw us off by throwing your shirt into the water" Hudson reminds Lear right as he blinked. "Ow, hm...yeah by the time you and your lackeys got to me...I was almost out the window" Lear's eyes stung a bit "Why do we always fight?" "Because it's all we know anymore" Lear recalled being handcuffed and dragged out kicking and screaming, Hudson wasn't much help at that time. "Right..." Hudson took his sunglasses off and rubs his face "I feel like I shou-" "I don't want to talk about it anymore" "See then you shut down" "I just don't want to talk about" "you never want to talk about it" Hudson growls and Lear chuckles "Italy? Or after the fact?" Lear lights a new cigarette blowing the smoke into Hudson's face "Both, whenever I bring it up...you completely shut down or we squabble about who's more useless, why?" Hudson inquires then waves his hand getting the smoke out of his face. "Because what happened leading up to you and your barbarians catching me for that mission...and after that..." Lear shakes his head "I woke up in a dumpster...bleeding out. Adler saved my life when you were busy with someone else...in that office...we were perfect but when I needed you the most you weren't there for me" He felt tears starting to come up he walked away from Hudson it was wasn't the best time to recall. Sure the time they worked together before this was nice they got along with each other too....even dated for a bit, but like most good things it ended. Time became timeless and the others weren't back yet. Lear was writing down some info he found out and tacked it to the board he and Hudson weren't talking yet. After Italy was brought up the memories came back to both of them.

Hudson was in the office going over some files trying to keep himself busy but every once in a while out of the corner of his eye he would see Lear walk by. He was wondering what the other was up to, but he had done enough damage for today. He honestly felt bad for Italy and what followed after.

Flashback, Florence, Italy

Lear was racing away from a group of agents one being Hudson. Lear quickly lost them in a quicker attempt to throw them off he yanked his shirt off threw it into the river. He bolted down a barely used path cuts and scrapes on his body, his raven black hair was messy and there were some sticks and leaves in his hair. His brown eyes barely took in the area around him but he quickly chooses paths and ended up in the abandoned church. Against his better judgment, he ran into the church climbing up the stairs he heard the others crashing into the church. "Fuck me" he mumbles starting to climb out the window but arms went around his waist and threw him to the floor. "Hudson, up here we got him" One of the agents call out putting their boot on Lear's back pinning him down. "Vincent Russo, You're in the custody of the United States government. You will help us" Hudson kneels next to Lear "Help you? Fuck that!" Lear spits at Hudson and misses "You will help us, whether you want to or not" Hudson sighs handcuffing Lear and slowly taking him to the helicopter "Stop! Struggling" Hudson tried to get a better grip on Lear but it was very difficult because Lear was kicking and screaming.

End of flashback

Hudson heard a loud set of thumps coming from outside of the office. "...what the fuuuu" he walked out to find Lear laying on the floor with the punching bag on top of him. "You uh...hehe...you okay down there?" He chuckles crossing his arms watching Lear struggle "No, I'm not okay" he mutters trying to get the bag off of himself "I think we've been here before Vincent" Hudson kneels next to Lear "You pinned to the floor, me winning..." Hudson chuckles now sitting next to Lear "Hey...Jason..." "Hey Vincent" "what happened to us?" "Uh...well" Hudson rubs his neck he pushed the punching bag off Lear and thought about it "Well you didn't make the car ride to D.c easy" he points watching Lear sit up "Did you really think that I'd make it easy?" Lear sighs looking at Hudson put his hand on the other's shoulder "I owe you a car window...I remember that..." He chuckles softly "And a rearview mirror" Hudson adds "Wait was I really that bad?" "Well...if you remember..."

Flashback

"Jason, you sure you want to take him alone?" "Yeah, how bad can this be? He's still asleep" Hudson chuckles softly and gets in the car this was going to be a long ride. As time passed and Lear slowly woke up of course was groggy. "Where are we?" He mumbles slowly sits up "West Virginia" Hudson answers turning the radio down as Psycho Killer started playing. "Mhm..." Lear lays on his back starting to slam his feet against the window. "WHAT! KINDA GOVERNMENT AGENT TAKES MY SHOES! KEEPS ME HANDCUFFED! AND DIDN'T GIVE ME A SHI-" Lear stopped shouting once his feet went through the window. "Come on, Vincent calm down" Hudson pulls over and turns the car off making sure the back doors were locked before turning fully around in his seat. Hudson stared at Lear, who was shifting positions to get a good angle for his next kicking fit. "Your bleeding" "uh-huh" "You'll need stitches" "Uh-huh" "What are you doing?" "Uh-huh" "Vincent!!!" now not only was Hudson out a window he was now out of a rearview mirror "That's it" he climbs into the back and took his tie off using it to tie Lear's feet together.

End of flashback

Lear rubs his neck looking down as he lights a new cigarette "I fucking hate it here, it's so cold" he pulls his knees to his chest "Here" Hudson did something that hadn't happened in a long time, he pulled Lear into his lap resting his head against the others back. "In the forest after we lost contact...me and the team went to do the mission...we got caught under a lot of fire and..." Lear stops for a second putting his hands on top of Hudson's. "I got the bright idea to cause a distraction...it worked surprisingly, the plan I did worked...but I was caught and tortured..." With each part of the story, Hudson could feel Lear shake worse and worse "If you don't w-" "I need to tell someone" Lear collects his thoughts "I didn't know what fucking day it was...some grunt of Perseus...didn't like the answers I was giving so she...or he, I don't remember...they had a mask on...poured gas on my chest and lit it up" Lear was pouring tears but he wasn't finished "I got the shit kicked out of me when they tried to put the fire out...I'm so lucky....to have lived" he was done talking now exhausted he felt Hudson shift him so he could rest his head on Hudson's chest. "I didn't know, I should have done more to help you" Hudson was trying to comfort Lear but he hadn't done it in so long it was almost like he forgot, but it slowly came back to him remembering that Lear liked it when he ran his finger through his hair. So gently Hudson ran his finger through Lear's hair whispering comforting words as the door swung open. "I'm telling you there is almost n-" Adler stopped dead in his tracks as Bell bumps into him "What?...oh" Bell watches from behind Adler. "Woods owes me fifty bucks" Adler had a huge grin on his face, for two reasons one, he was going to be fifty bucks richer but secondly, because seeing Lear and Hudson cuddling meant no more fighting for now.

[chanelsebbie]

𝗧𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗘𝗻𝗱 𝗢𝗳 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 | 𝗯.𝗯.

➵Warnings: MAJOR MAJOR ANGST, character “death”, fluff, sexual references. 

➵Masterlist

➵Summary: You and Bucky go on a mission together to hopefully put a dent in H.Y.D.R.A., but things don’t go as planned. 

➵a/n: I cried MULTIPLE times while writing this, but I think I’ve been working on too much fluff lately, and I was in need of a heartbreak. I don’t really like my writing as much as I thought I would. :(

“This mission doesn’t sit right with me,” you spoke, you and your lover facing each other as you laid in your shared bed, your hand gently tracing his cheek bones as he subconsciously leaned into your touch. 

“If Steve says it’s what he thinks it is, I wanna pitch in. You should too, you and Natasha are the best women we have. H.Y.D.R.A. isn’t one to stop unless their killed. And if this helps then...,” he shrugged, his hand drifting up and down your side, your legs intertwined.

“It’s just... been a while for the both of us, you know? I mean, yeah, we’ve had a nice and long break with very small disturbances. I guess I’m just not ready to get back to work, you know?” you watched a smirk tug at his lips, the pale moonlight being the only thing lighting up the room, the silver glow making his eyes look more beautiful than ever. 

He took notice of your obvious anxiety, and he could see why, you didn’t want him to get hurt. Because the last mission that you two went on together, you broke your leg and Bucky got a mild concussion. And you didn’t want to see how much worse it could get. 

You eyes traced his chest, to nervous, almost too embarrassed to look him in the eyes anymore. Because in reality, you almost had as many dead bodies under your belt as him. You were a stone-cold killer right before S.H.E.I.L.D. found you and took an acute interest to your skill. 

And once you met Bucky, it was all uphill from there. But you still had carnage and guilt on your shoulders. So for a while, you and James decided to but the weapons and the suits away, only bringing them out when your friends truly needed you help. 

Now Steve had a mission for the two of you, and you knew that as soon as H.Y.D.R.A. was mentioned, Bucky would be in. He would jump at any chance to go and fight the organization who used, brainwashed, and weaponized him. 

“Hey,” he mumbled gently, taking your face softly in his hands, while yours fiddled with the bottom of his your red sweater, “you know I have your back, and I know you have mine. We’ll be okay. Promise.”

You situated yourself, Bucky pulling you in, wrapping both arms around you, circling you in a warm embrace as you tried taking deep breaths to steady your anxiety. 

“I just don’t want your nightmares to start up again, you know?” you finally spoke after a few seconds of silence, “I worried for you.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he smirked at your compassion, “just sleep, alright? I know there isn’t anything we can’t do together.”

“I love you, Jamie,” you muttered, nuzzling yourself more into his bare chest. 

“I love you more, doll,” he gave you a soft squeeze, “Goodnight m’love.”

You set off early in the morning, and the ride there was silent as you drove to the HQ in upstate New York, Bucky looking at the file Steve provided, soft classical music playing in the background on the radio. 

You stole a few glances his way, and he did the same. 

“What are you lookin at?” you chided, smirking, your eyes now looking to the road ahead of them. 

Bucky could have said a lot of corny things in that moment, but rather, his lips released a simple answer that would have insinuate a multitude of things.

“You.”

Letting out a laugh, he took your free hand and smoothed his thumb over it, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

As the building came into sight, you turned down the radio, pulling around to the landing pad, the car now coming to a complete stop as the two of you got out, Steve and Sam already waiting outside quinjet, the sound of the propellers all you heard as the two of you walked closer. 

“Bout time!” Sam teased over the deafening sound of the jet. 

“Got our suits?” you yelled, Steve giving a nod before he moved aside, letting you step inside the jet as he kept Bucky back to talk. 

As soon as you were all suited up, you walked back out, surprised to find that the two life-long friends were still talking. 

“Wanna suit up, love?” you called out to Bucky, his attention shifting away from Steve and onto you. 

He smirked, always loving the way you looked in your black leather ensemble. 

“Yeah. Course.” he said, Steve letting him slip away. 

The helicopter ride there was almost silent as the air was quiet, Wanda and Nat talking amongst themselves, Steve going over his strategy, Sam playing a game on his phone. 

You held Buck’s metal arm, you felt that the action was saying more than anything you could say in the moment. 

You were so close. So close. The mission was rough, the 5 of you taking down H.Y.D.R.A. soldier after the other, almost getting to the room where you needed to be most to get a flash drive. The flash drive was your only hope for doing significant damage, maybe even stopping them for good. 

You and Bucky raced to the control room, watching as someone jumped out a window, with a parachute no doubt, and that was when the two of you noticed it. 

A time bomb, in the middle of the floor, ticking down rapidly. And Bucky had that look. A look that told you this wasn’t going to end well. 

But then he started stalking towards it. 

“Jamie, what are you doing?!” you asked urgently, fear striking through you. 

Bucky looked at the timer ticking down on the explosive, 60 seconds left on the clock. He gave you an unreadable look, before looking back at the thing that could take out the entire building and more. 

Before you could utter another word, he grabbed you and kissed you, Steve and Nat just then catching up, Bucky running towards the bomb. 

“Buck?” Steve questioned, his best friend giving no response, he and Nat paused in the doorway. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered out, leaning down to pick the weapon up, before looking at the broken glass window, before standing right at the edge, looking back at the people he loved the most.

“JAMIE, NO!” you cried out, watching as he had the bomb in his hands, giving you one last sorrowful look filled with tears before leaping though an open glass window as you screamed in agony. 

You raced to do the same, the need to save him over writing all rhyme and reason, but before you could step foot off the abyss in which your love was plummeted in, an arm wrapped around you, pulling you back. 

“NO! LET ME GO!” you yelled out in anger, not caring who the person holding you back was. But their grasp was unrelenting as you tried to get away, screaming and yelling obscenities. 

But Steve knew you didn’t mean any of the things you saying, because he was hurting just as bad, and it took everything for him to not try and follow him as well, but your safety was at the forefront of his mind, not wanting you to slip from his grasp. 

An explosion below the group rumbled the building, shaking everyone, a glimpse of fire visible from the edge of the window. 

“BUCKY!!” you screamed out, sobbing, feeling as if you couldn’t breathe, all your memories of him flashing through your mind like a flip-book. 

The time you first met, your first kiss, numerous dates, and the first time you made love to each other, vowing that one would never let go of the other. 

You turned to your captor, shrinking into a ball, as Steve held tightly onto you, your sobs and cries echoing through the area that was shattered and broken. 

Steve shushed you, your face buried in his neck as he stroked your hair with one of his hands, trying to keep you sated, but nothing could numb the pain you were feeling. As if a piece of your heart had been torn out of your chest.

“Please, please, please,” was all you could say, coming out like a prayer, a red hot fire burning inside of you.  

And all you could do was cry. 

[sleepynegress]

Spoiler-Filled Reaction to the 1st Ep of TFATWS: ‘New World Order’ ...

Okay, so I may switch up and do weekly recaps via audio. Either way, I’m getting something out before the weekend is up... Still!...  It’s a been a few days, so I can go a bit more in depth with my thoughts on that pilot ep.

~ So, that opening was quiet and down-to-earth. For me, it was hammering home not only the humbleness of Sam (despite the bravado, the man is naive in his optimism and *not* superpowered), but being stuck in his initial thoughts about the shield.   ...That it didn’t feel like it belonged to him. Sam’s personality, has been established as super-loyal and almost childlike in his feelings that things will work out and doing the right thing because it’s right (which is why he didn’t get paid enough BTW naive pride). 

-which comes into play w/ his conflict w/ his sister later... I’ll come back to that.

~ We jump into a dangerous mission that shows off Falcon’s personality. He’s gonna get it done with style and optimism even when working with equipment that needs a few updates.  The stunt coordination here was fantastic!  I legit whewed! aloud at Balroc paragliding into *multiple* helicopters... Sam’s hair-pin turns milimeters from canyon rock, propellers, and rockets... ~ I *loved* Torres’ fanboying. It felt like a parallel to Sam fanboying Cap, in CA:WS and evoked the well-established superhero trope of a person *marveling* aloud at what you’re doing making it so. much. cooler. (as an oldhead, the random black dude emoting about Superman’s suit after he comes out of a phonebooth, in the Reeves movie, is my earliest memory of this trope). ~ Then we see the Tunisia titlecard, which yea! it didn’t just say Africa, but ehh, once again “yellow tint” is code for “exotic” country full of brown people. It did cut through the typically more alt-right-tinged military propaganda w/ the Tunisian man thanking Sam for saving his wife, the bare minimum of humanization... but it saved the scene from just “backdropping” the people/culture w/o any humanity, at all, as is typical... That and the way these two BIPOC spoke to one another (there is a certain kind of rapport we non-white folk have w/ each other) was my first hint...that this showrunner ain’t a white dude. The joking about him knowing Arabic...like cheering/teasing when we show our range to one another.  Mainly, this interaction was to show that Sam is to Torres what Steve was to Sam in some ways...with a bit more “brazen kid” on Torres’ part, along w/ introing the idea of the Flagsmashers. ~ Then, naive Sam decides to donate the shield to the Smithsonian...because he doesn’t feel like he’s earned it and because in his mind it still belongs to Cap and because he’s out here trusting this governement even after all the B.S. he’s done lived through.  Even Rhodey was having his doubts... Maybe being around during the blip makes a person more savvy and cynical, IDK. ~ So, then we see Buck in therapy and since I’ve been through trauma, I know that mindset.  Sticking to routine is a big “win”.  Not really caring about anything beyond the bare essentials (yall saw that man’s apartment). And the feeling of being displaced would be amplified by the fact that this man is more so than anyone who has existed(!).  ~ I noticed that Seb leaned into his Rom-Merican accent, which was a great acting choice, it evokes his sense of having traveled without a solid sense of self in a place, because he was essentially, asleep all those decades, while the brainwashed aspect of himself was enslaved to Hydra. I LOVE his therapist.   Fannishness for a cute guy, means a lot of people don’t like her being “mean” to him... But I’mma tell you, as someone who actually has been in therapy for a good bit, you *need* someone who will call you on your bullshit so you can properly work on it.  I love that she’s also a vet and there’s nothing cutesy and coddling in a male-gazey sexy or motherly way. She’s doing her fucking job and not letting his ass slide. To me, that read as a hat-tip to a woman drecting this. So, we see Buck manifest his trauma w/ profound discomfort in his own skin.  He doesn’t know how to interact anymore, how to swagger in this strange time and place (because dude had all kinds of 1940′s swagger and juice back in CA:TFA) So, he’s just awkwardly honest, and beating himself up for that. But... he’s still alive, so he totally perked up in the presence of this attractive server and Yori notices and like so many old people, just busted his chops and skipped all the what he wasn’t gonna do and did it for him, w/ Leah’s confidant acceptance -ahhh, I luv her!- as an assist. ~ Then we flip back to Sam in Delacroix and we meet his sister and his nephews and his community(!) which really nails down Sam the man, the person, the human apart from his underwritten assists to the Avengers. We see that Sarah knows and loves this naively optimistic ‘I will find a way to fix it because it’s the right thing to do’ hard-headed brother.... but good-God! he doesn’t know shit about real-world day-to-day struggle... If you’ve seen Anthony Mackie in The Hurt Locker... one of the big themes explored, is how tough it is for vets who have been through explosions and firefights in another country... to adjust to day-to-day struggle in “normal life”. THAT is what Buck’s therapist was calling out when she said BULLSHIT to him saying he wanted peace (lol, no he doesn’t, like Sam he wants that righeous kind of adrenalin only being in action for “good” gives) and what Sarah is frustrated w/ is regarding him not understanding or respecting the kind of struggle she had to deal w/. ~ As an aside I *loved* her *nose-scratch* “Can I talk to you for a minute??” Whew! That is a black-ass way to let you know someone is pissed w/ you and wants to hash all the shit out. That’s why Sam avoided it, lol... ~ So, the date with Leah, who does all the right things...Goes terribly, because Buck is still too deep in his trauma focus on anything about how great she is.   Note, that just about everything that happened on that date reminded him of aspects of his trauma to the point where Buck, (being an absolute dick!) just fucking, walks out on her!!  I NEED her to chew his ass out for that and I need him to *not* be able to make it up to her (and I’d also love some fanfic, where Buck actually does *ahem* treat her well... I know Asian women be shorted in fanfic too!) ~ So, he goes to Yori’s apartment and stares like an obvious knucklehead (still dealing w/ being stuck in his trauma) at the alter to the man who was just in the way of that brainwashed aspect of himself, pays for the lunch and walks off...AND, NOTE!!  YORI DID NOTICE ALL THIS. So, this will eventually come to a head...yikes! ~ Then we’re back to Sam, and Sarah who tries to have that talk, but old boy ain’t trying to hear it. Insisting that he’s the man to swoop in and save the boat and the business *sigh* by some magic (hanging with magical beings...will do that, I guess). And Sarah smartly is just frustrated and skeptical, but lets him go on and try and fail in the same ways she already did so. many. times... in those five years. ~ And then we see bb Torres being brazen kid stupid amateur spy w/ the Flagsmashers. I honestly thought old masked dude stomped him to death, at first... The camera pan showed the cliched dead-man pose, after all.  I guess he pulled that (super!)stomp, which means... Flagsmashers aren’t the lethal villians here IMO.   I think they escaped from the *real* villian. ~ And then comes some real world racist bullshit... This scene at the bank *nails* a particular kind of frustratingly infuriating racism that is common. Where they will act like they are doing you a favor because they like and want something from you... but still won’t serve you in the same way they would a white person. It’s this strange willfullly “I like you negroes, you entertain me! -but fuck you -but I still like you!” patronizing thing that we know all too well. *whew!* That was real. And then that heartbreaking scene where after Sarah rightly told-ya-so’s.  -Sam is working on that mess of an engine and reality *finally* sets in when the key  didn’t even attempt to turnover.

~ Then Torres messages Sam (and he’s alive!) and we all know Sam knows these Flasgsmashers got super-serum, but isn’t saying. Even TORRES knows (bless his heart). ~ And from there we go straight to the U.S. government rubbing salty dirt in Sam’s wound with the new/fake Cap holding the shield aloft and winking like “It’s mine now, bitch!”. ---And the credits, I won’t get into except to say if you want ALL the spoilers in the credits, watch that linked video, I posted earlier. But they are SIGNIFICANT spoilers.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 2/5

read on ao3

start from the beginning

The bell above the door to Armageddon dings as Eddie steps inside, met with the blast of air conditioning and loud music (he recognizes the band, it’s one Buck has played for him before. 10 Years Sturdy? Something like that.). He’s exhausted after a day of back-to-back-to-back deliveries, including two weddings, some kind of charity gala, and a funeral. He does arrangements for funerals often enough, but he still can’t get over the way his stomach turns every time he walks into a funeral home. The memories of being in one, after his last tour especially, mourning his brothers and sisters in arms never leave him alone. They coil around his brain, reminding him that they would be here if he had saved them, if he had been a better leader, a better soldier.

So he’s physically and emotionally exhausted, and all he wants to do is pick up Chris, go home, shower, and sleep for 48 hours. It’s only Wednesday, and he does have work in the morning, but the thought is still nice.

He heads towards the back room, waving at Chimney who gives him a salute back, not looking up from whatever he’s doing on his client’s calf. The guy hisses in pain, and Eddie snorts as Chim rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

As he enters the back office/lounge, he sees Chris and Buck hunched over the table against the side wall, heads leaning together, the surface covered in discarded sketches and crumpled drawings deemed too terrible to save. He sees them like this more often than not, whether in this room or The Greenhouse’s back room or his kitchen table, but it never fails to settle something in him. It’s been Chris and him against the world for so long, it’s nice to have another person in their corner, someone they can rely on. Not to mention, Chris has been Buck’s shadow pretty much from the word go, and Buck always seems genuinely happy to hang out with him. The day they met, Chris spent almost a full hour asking Buck about every tattoo he could see, Buck patiently explaining each one in as much detail as he could give an eight year old. When he offered to show him some of his paper drawings and give him some pointers on his own, Chris had looked at him like he couldn’t quite believe he was real, like he had just offered to draw him a new constellation in the night sky.

Like father, like son.

“He really loves that kid.” Eddie turns towards the soft voice behind him, sees Maddie with a small smile on her face. “I think he likes having someone to teach that doesn’t talk back as much as Chim and me.”

Eddie smiles as he looks back, sees Buck offer a hand for a high five before ruffling Chris’s hair affectionately. “He’s an easy kid to love, that’s for sure.”

“Dad! Come look, Buck taught me how to draw snakes!”

Eddie walks over to the table, peers down at pages of cartoon snakes in various positions. He can see the progression of Chris’s practicing on the pages, going from shaky and unsure to something more realistic as Buck guided him.

“You were halfway there dude, you just needed some help with the movement,” Buck says as Chris preens.

“These look great, buddy. Can you stick them in your backpack so we can get going?”

Chris gathers up his good drawings, pushing the rest of them into the trash can under the table. He picks up his crutches and makes his way to the other side of the room to his backpack and coat.

“Thanks again for watching him, I really thought we’d be done with deliveries by the time school was over,” Eddie says. Buck just shakes his head, a smile similar to Maddie’s on his face as he watches Chris.

“It’s never a problem, Chris is awesome. He offered to hold a girl’s hand that Maddie was working on because it was her first tattoo and she was scared. And then I got to draw with him! That’s definitely a win for me.” Buck looks back at him, and Eddie feels the warm glow of his smile try to sink into his chest. It would’ve, too, if he wasn’t still on edge from his visit to the funeral home. He can feel that his returning smile doesn’t meet his eyes, and Buck looks at him for a moment before setting a hand on his shoulder. Eddie tries his best not to melt at the touch, but feeling the heat through his shirt doesn’t make it easy. “Hey, you good?” Buck asks quietly. “He can keep hanging here for a while if you need some alone time.”

Buck doesn’t know everything. He knows Eddie did two tours, and Eddie had let him draw his own conclusions on how that may have affected him. Whatever Buck thought, he didn’t know the truth, didn’t know the poison sloshing around in his soul, the constant reminder of the light he left behind in Afghanistan and the blackness he brought back instead. And Eddie will do everything he can to keep Buck in the dark, to make sure he never sees those ugly parts of him that even Eddie can’t fully face.

But god does he make it hard. When he looks at him like this, earnest and open, like he can see right through Eddie, all he wants to do is break. Let the poison come spilling out because he knows Buck will help him clean it all up and get rid of it, maybe for good. But he’ll get burned in the process too, and Eddie refuses to let that happen.

So he just shakes his head, forces his smile to a normal size, pats Buck’s arm that’s still holding onto him. “I’m alright man, but thanks. We’ll see you tomorrow, say goodnight Chris.”

“Bye Buck! Thank you!” Chris wraps his arms around Buck’s middle, while Buck bends in half to squeeze back. 

They leave with a wave, say their goodbyes to Chim and Maddie too as they walk out the door. Chris doesn’t stop talking about his afternoon with Buck until he’s tucked into bed. As Eddie goes to bed himself, he tries not to think about a warm body with blonde curls and legs for days taking up the spot next to him, wrapping him in his arms, keeping him safe from the monsters that wait for him in the dark.

~~~~~~~~~~

His brain doesn’t really care what he does or doesn’t want to think about, it seems. 

The dream starts as it often does: he’s in the desert, hiding from enemy fire behind the wreckage of his helicopter, surrounded by the corpses of comrades that he couldn’t save. The others, still alive, are looking at him, outraged and not fighting back, like they already know he’s led them to their deaths. Bullets ricochet off the metal, and one by one the bodies fall, blood spilling out of them, flowing towards him. He’s surrounded by noise and heat and death, and the blood keeps coming, soaking into his boots, staining his skin. He drops his weapon, knowing there’s no use in fighting back. He waits for the inevitable bursts of pain when the bullets finally get him, but after that, he knows it’ll be nothing but blissful, all encompassing silence.

Except this time, when he falls into the darkness that usually wakes him up, he’s not alone. He catches glimpses of sky blue eyes, a lopsided grin, a birthmark that looks like a kiss from the heavens. He sees skin covered in intricate patterns and designs, the ink coming to life as he reaches out to touch. He can’t quite reach it, but it doesn’t matter because he feels safe. Protected. This presence, this warmth that’s surrounding him, makes him feel centered in a way that he hasn’t since...he can’t remember when. And he can’t do anything but sink into it, wrap himself up and burrow into it like he knows he won’t allow himself the same luxury when the sun comes up. It feels like home, like salvation. Like the thing Eddie’s been needing to make him feel right again.

So he takes. He knows it’s just a dream, so he takes and he takes, and he doesn’t feel bad. 

When he wakes with a start, hands twisted in his sheets, he desperately tries to hold onto as much detail as he can, but it’s all slipping away as he becomes more and more conscious. Some things stay — the eyes, the smile. The overwhelming warmth. And there’s an ache, too. A longing, physical ache that still lingers in his chest even now that he’s awake.

He tries to breathe through it, but then he remembers whose eyes those are, and it pulls him under all over again.

“Shit,” he whispers into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~

The ache is still there as he opens the shop the next day, dull but ever present. He’s pretty self aware, so the depth of his feelings for Buck isn’t news, but he really thought he’d have gotten over it by now. He thought Buck would have stopped in one day to get flowers for someone that wasn’t Eddie, and Eddie would have been crushed, but he’d have been able to start the process of moving on. 

But Buck hasn’t done that. He’s gone on dates, but no more than one or two, always claiming they “just weren’t right for each other.” And Eddie’s dumb heart fluttered every time he said that, and his feelings kept growing and growing, and now they’re physically hurting him and haunting his dreams.

He’s so, so screwed.

The bell above the door dings, and of course it’s Buck, the one time Eddie doesn’t actually want to talk to him. Eddie feels the ache grow, feels it pushing at his ribs, but there’s also that warmth and sense of safety from his dream. That feeling he always gets around Buck, no matter what. It’s hot and cold at the same time, and he can’t even begin to figure out how to process that.

“You know, if you keep glaring like that, you’re gonna scare off your customers. Your smile is a much nicer greeting in the morning.”

Eddie snorts and rolls his eyes, not fighting said smile that spreads on his face. It’s almost scary how easily Buck can get him to relax. “Says the man with the leather jacket and a nose ring.”

“Hey, I have a very sunny disposition, even if the clothes don’t match. Plus nose rings are cool, not scary.”

“Whatever you say. Here for your flowers?”

Buck smiles brightly, and there goes Eddie’s heart again. “Yep. Whatever you’re feeling.”

Eddie reaches towards the cases of flowers and pauses, because the only thing he’s feeling is how much he wants to grab Buck by the collar and kiss him until they can’t breathe. How much he wants to wake up next to him, cook breakfast with him, make a life with him. How he’s the first person he’s even thought about showing his darkest parts to because he’s getting tired of carrying them all by himself, and he trusts Buck intrinsically to shine his light on them and start to make them better. Start to make Eddie better in the process.

He cannot, however, say any of that out loud. So he settles for the next best thing.

Aster, gardenia, and pink camellia. Trust, love and longing. It’s unbelievably on the nose, but as he hands the bouquet to Buck, he feels a little lighter. Not like he’s getting over it, but like the pressure of holding it all in has been released just enough that Eddie doesn’t feel like he’s drowning. When Buck waves goodbye, he smiles a little easier, because he did tell Buck, in his own way, and he didn’t have to subject him to any of his mess to do so. 

So maybe this is fine. Maybe he can handle these one-sided love declarations that only he understands. Maybe, maybe, he can make this work, until his heart decides it’s had its fill and starts to move on. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s definitely not working. 

Because rather than working it out and moving on like he thought he would, rather than feeling the relief he felt the first time, he just wants more. With every mallow, moonflower, and red tulip he hands over to Buck, he wants to let him know exactly what they mean, exactly how Eddie feels about him.

But anytime he even entertains the idea of coming clean, that little voice in his head reminds him that it doesn’t matter because he’s not enough. If he tells Buck how he feels, he’ll just laugh in his face because even he knows that Eddie wouldn’t be able to give him everything he wants. No matter how supportive he may seem, Buck will take one look at the shredded bits of Eddie that he keeps locked away and leave, because no amount of goodness and light will ever be able to put them back together in a way that resembles someone worthy of that goodness.

Eddie’s never been able to ignore that voice, so he listens and keeps his mouth shut and keeps hoping that one day, he’ll give Buck a bouquet and all of his pent up feelings will just disappear along with it.

A month on, and that day still hasn’t come. It’s cool this morning, so Buck’s leaning over the counter in a hoodie and black beanie, shivering slightly, and Eddie wants to wrap his arms around him and warm him up himself. Or better yet, take him up to his apartment, wrap him in his comforter, and never let him leave.

They talk like normal, and Eddie’s glad he can keep this part up, that their friendship hasn’t suffered any outward damages just because he can’t get his shit together. Hen joins them while Eddie is wrapping Buck’s flowers, and pauses briefly when she sees what Eddie picked out — orange lily and marigold, desire and pain. A strange mix, but it’s exactly what Eddie’s feeling.  He wants Buck so bad it’s starting to hurt.

Buck, thankfully, just smiles as Eddie hands the bouquet off. “These are perfect. Not quite as perfect as our friendly neighborhood florist, but they’re coming in at a close second.”

Eddie just shakes his head, blushing as always. Buck winks, waves to Hen, and steps out the door, letting in a hint of chill as he leaves.

As soon as the door clicks shut, Hen turns to Eddie, fixing him with a pointed look that almost makes him flinch.

“What?” he asks, straightening up the front counter just so he doesn’t have to look at her too long.

“I know what flowers mean too, you know, and I see the ones you keep giving to our favorite tattoo artist.”

Eddie breathes out hard through his nose, rests his head on the counter. It takes more willpower than he’d like to stop him from banging in on the hard surface a few times.

“You really should talk to him.”

He looks up at her, vaguely panicking at the thought. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because his friendship means too much to me, and to Chris.

Because I refuse to open myself up and drag him down to this hole with me.

Because I’m not what he deserves, and I never will be.

“It’s complicated.”

Hen shakes her head, shrugs as she turns towards the back room. “All I’m saying is, he’s in here all the time, and flirts with you like it’s his job. I don’t think that’s all for nothing.”

She heads to the back, leaving Eddie to wallow. Maybe she’s right, maybe Buck does feel even a fraction of what Eddie feels, but that doesn’t change anything. Buck is still one of the best people he’s ever met, and Eddie is still full of unfixable darkness.

And he’s still so, so screwed.

[pseudonymfox]

Second chance

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky still loves (Y/N), they were together in Bucharest after Civil war, now she gets married what is he going to do...

Warnings: humor, angst, slighty violence, flashbacks, drama, alot of gifs

A/N: Unsure if I just leave it like that..Deciding on your feedback :D Hope y’all like it!! GIFS are not mine

The name Matthew Grimes is in no realation to anyone else.

(Y/N) (Y/L/N) - Your name, your last name

Masterlist

“And then a unicorn saved me from the chitauri in the coffeeshop last weekend where I brought the magic beans.“ Steve said to Bucky who just nodded, clearly not listening to a word Steve said.

“Did you even listening to a word I said?“ he said taking him the newspaper away.

“Yeah. Something about Tony being a diva...”

“Bucky what’s up with you this morning?“

He didn’t listen to him because the article in the newspaper caught his attention. It was a wedding Announcement from (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and Matthew Grimes. She had history with Bucky in Bucharest.

“(Y/N) is- is getting married“ his face got pale just by the thought about it. He didn’t talked to you since Steve found him.

“You should talk to her you, she deserves to know“ Steve said. He knew what Bucky did and he thought you don’t deserve this but Bucky made this decision and he respected that even if he didn’t understood his reasons for that.

“No I can’t, It’s too late.“ he said. His face was pale and the memories of rushing back in front of his eyes.

-Flashback-

He met you on a small market in Romania as he brought plums almost every day and he saw you buying at first fresh flowers, then you would have a small talk with a one of the sellers. Than you would look around the market until you disappeared from his sight. Not to be creepy but he saw you everyday from there and one afternoon he saw you in the hallway of his apartment building. Of course at first he thought it would be hydra. They could send someone to watch him or to get him back so he took matter in his own hands. He surprised her as she wanted to get in her apartment.

He came from behind, one hand around her neck and one over mouth to keep her from screaming.

“Who the fuck are you and why are you following me?“ he took his hand slowly away from her mouth again to talk.

“What? I- I am (Y/N) and- and I’m not following you..I- I swear.I live here! Do you want my money. Take it please...“ she said with shaky voice. He could hear her heartbeat, she wasn’t lying she was just afraid, slowly he took his hands away again and stepped away from her.

“God I’m sorry. I- uhm being paranoid..I go now. sorry again.“ he breathed out and made his way towards the stairs to his apartment. She stayed there for a few moments still in shock before she unlocked her front door.

“That was awkward“

He felt bad for what he did so he brought her a bouquet of flowers and placed them in front of her door with a card.

Sorry again. Didn’t mean to creep you out.

-Your crazy neighbour

From this day you met a few times again in the hallway or on the market and somehow you gained trust towards each other again. He learned that you’re in Bucharest for an internship. He even said why he was there. Not all but enough to understand his behaviour. After a few months of a friendship,watching movies, going to the market together you fell asleep on his couch during a documentary that he wanted to watch. He had nightmare this night and you could comfort him somehow.

“You ok again?“ you asked sitting beside him. He only nodded and slightly smiled at you. He didn’t understand how you still stayed after everything he told you, after this nightmare and mostly after he attackted you. He always remembered the others who looked at him on the streets. They had all the same expression. They were all scared but not you, you helped him alot. You weren’t scared neither you stayed because you had pity for him. You just didn’t see what he or the others saw in him. Not a monster, not hydra, not the winter soldier. You just him, just Bucky.

“Ok..I- uhm I should go to my apartment again“ before you could stand up from the floor he grabbed your wrist.

“Could you maybe...stay?“

“Of course“ you smiled and he made place for you to lay down. After you got under the sheets with him you let him lay his head on your chest since there wasn’t much place for two person and it was much more comfortable for him. You often laid like this before so that wasn’t really new for you. It was just the air between the both of you. You didn’t wanted to force him into something after everything he been through and he didn’t really know if he still was capable of this. He loved you and you loved him but he didn’t know if he was ready. Bucky fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat and you too after you heard his soft snores. The next morning you woke up first, you waited for Bucky to wake up to not disturb him from his sleep, he looked like he needed it so you rested your eyes a bit longer.

After that night followed more night and somehow you couldn’t live without each other anymore. He was still distant but you understood he needed time. You loved him and he loved you, there wasn’t a doubt about that. You said to him that you loved him multiple times even if you just said “Shut up” and smiled. He knew even then you meant “I love you”. That was a time in his life that he felt happy and loved again (besides steve). But of course that had to end someday. He thought he was ready to start something with you but a part of him didn’t let that happen. He always thought how could someone so smart, beautiful and with such an good soul love him? After all he did? He didn’t deserve that but he didn’t wanted to just run away. He loved her but that changes as he came back from the market and saw the daily newspaper, you were still at work and Steve stood in his apartment.

He had his notebook in his hands until he turned around and saw him.

“You know me?“ he asked. Bucky couldn’t believe that he was standing there in his Captain America suit, just like in the pictures he found.

“You’re Steve. I’ll read about you in a museum.“ he knew that he was there about the attack in vienna

“I know you’ are nervous and you have plenty of reasons to be but you’re lying“

He hated that everyone thought it was him. Just as it looked like he had it under control someone had to destroy it again...

“I wasn’t in vienna. I don’t do this anymore“

“ Well the people who think you do are coming here now and they are not planning on taking you alive“

He started to panic. He had to run again and he didn’t know if he saw you again. How you looked besides him when he woke up, and how you smiled in you sleep, how you would dance around the kitchen or how you looked when you were lost in a good book. What would you think if he never came back? He would break you heart but he wouldn’t get out of this without a fight.

“That’s smart. Good strategy.“

He heard them coming up the stairs, he took his glove of his metal hand. Ready to fight.

“This doesn’t have to end in a fight buck“ Steve said again.

“It always ends in a fight.”

Soon after the police stormed in the room from all sides. He and steve kept fighting them but he couldn’t stay there so he ran down the stairs and jumped from the balcony to a another building. To cut it short..

he fought a big cat..

then was chased by it, steve and the police. The big bird joined. The cat destroyed his motorcycle and they all got caught from the police.

He was held in this box and got asked from this things from this weird dude.

Turneed out the dude is hydra and he turned him again to the winter soldier. He even asked about you and if he knew about you than it means you are in danger...because of him.

He fought against Steve, the blonde, the cat, the bird and Iron man and black widow until he almost got away with an helicopter but Steve held him down and they both fell into the river were he blacked out and Steve saved him. He is Bucky again. Anyway after all this fighting he lost his arm and decided that it would be the best for everyone to get back under. Even if that meant that you thought Bucky is dead. He made this decision to let you have an normal life. To be safe. It made his heart ache with pain but it was better like that he thought.

After you found the apartment completely destroyed and the daily newspaper which you didn’t believe in what they said. You thought he was dead. I mean he would have come back after whatever happened right?

-End flashback-

You waited and waited until your internship was going to an end and you had to get back to New York. You didn’t wanted to leave, you always had the thought in the back of your head that he would came through your door. You wouldn’t even be mad at him. Just the thought about him being dead just from the one to the other day made you nauseous. You missed him and everything he left was his notebook and a polaroid you made with him while you laid on the couch and he left you too. You never wanted to move on but your friends kept dragging you into bars and said he would have wanted that. That is were you met Matthew. He was really nice and probably a good man but he wasn’t Bucky. You agreed to go on a date with him and than he didn’t let go and out of this came a relationship. You loved him, you really did but just not like you loved Bucky and he was always going to have a special place in your heart. After a  year and a half Matthew took you out into a really fancy restaurant which you hated and he asked you out of nowhere if you want to be his wife. You struggled with yourself, you always imagined that could’ve been Buckyasking you that but he was dead so you said yes and well today is your wedding.

You stood in front of your Mirror and looked you up and down. You are happy but not as happy as normally someone would feel on his wedding day. All you wanted to do was go back in time to run into Bucky’s arms and never let go. No matter if you had to run away with him for the rest of your life at least it would have been with him. A knock on your door dragged you out of your thoughts. As you opened the door your eyes widened and you thought that you would pass out any second or that you had hallucinations, You couldn’t move or breath anymore. This couldn’t be real.

“Bucky?“

Feedback appreciated! :)

xoxo Sophie

[theragingthespian]

Hi! I love your stories. So much. And I was just thinking, if you find the inspiration and when you have time, maybe you could write more Drunk!Kara? Because is so precious and adorable and hilarious and also sweet. Maybe it could be that some alien's defense mechanism works like a sort of drug on her and the effects are a lot like she's drunk? Extra points if it Supercorp but feat. Alex, Maggie, and whomever you'd like :) oh, Cat! Cat too. Pretty please

i send you the sun 

“And what did you say was wrong with her?”

Kara frowns. Leans forward and tries to wiggle her shoulders between the two seats. The seats groan and then there’s a hand pushing her back, “ease up Kara. She’s older.”

Well, that’s stupid. “It’s a car.”

Alex chances a quick look back at her, warm brown eyes worried. “The alien released chemicals that are-”

“They make her drunk?” Maggie interrupts bluntly.

“Toxic,” Alex finishes, eyeing Maggie before dipping her head and, “but yeah. That works.”

Which is ridiculous. She’s not- she scratches at her arm, looks out the window and the nice sky and bright stars and lights and- what was she? She’s not drunk.

“Yeah, sure Kara.” Maggie tosses a bag at her. It slaps her in the chest, falls down to her lap. They both stare at it for a long minute which feels way longer than a minute should, and she’s still not sure if humans have a name for those minutes that feel like two minutes.

She stops.

Besides just saying two minutes.

“Okay, thought you were going to catch that but-”

“You know what’s toxic,” she starts, ignoring Alex’s groan as she squeezes the bag, watching slowly as it burst and squints down at the crumbs in her hand. “What was this?”

“What do you,” Maggie stops as she turns around in her seat. “It was a muffin.”

“Oh.” She’ll mourn it later, but the crumbs are fair game. She scoops a few into her hand, and yeah, okay, that didn’t taste like anything. “Toxic!” Alex curses and grips the wheel tightly at her shout. “Toxic is toxic, y’know?”

“Um.”

Maggie is giving her a confused look and Alex keeps looking in her rearview mirror and shaking her head which obviously means to continue. “Give me the- the music um.” She waves her hands, thinks of the crystals on Krypton that held pictures and music and plans. Pictures of-

She stops that thought, finds it all too easy with the way her thoughts are floating around. Slipping out of her grip. “The um,” she shuts her eyes tight, can picture it but oh, there’s so many different names for it and-

Alex reaches back to press the iPod in her hands, fingers tapping at the back of her hand. “You there?”

“Yes. Thank you. This- I needed. Now,” she says, scrolling through Alex’s music, “Toxic is toxic.”

Maggie snorts as soon as Britney Spears’ voice begins to sound from the speakers. “Is this your ipod?”

“No,” Alex cuts.

“Yeah it is.” Alex shushes her, but it is Alex’s ipod. Maybe she just forgot. Kara sits up proudly, “It’s hers.”

She’s a great sister. The best. A good sister wouldn’t let her sister lie to her girlfriend by an accident. Alex’s heartbeat sounds skittery, almost nervous when she listens closely.

“It is.” Maggie laughs, loud and full and it’s nice. The smile on Alex’s face says she thinks so too. That’s nice. “What else you hiding Danvers?”

“Nothing!”

“She has Taylor Swift too.”

“Kara.” Alex hisses it out, and alright, she doesn’t sound too happy, but that’s dumb really. She’s in the car and Maggie is in the car, and that’s like, Alex’s top three favorite people right there.

Wait.

She holds up her fingers, shaking them when they’re blurry, but oh, that makes it worse.

She hunches forward, pressing against the console. The cold leather feels nice against her cheek.

Fingers settle at her temple and then slip through her hair. Alex, she thinks, but Alex’s hands are on the wheel.

She runs through her memory, tries to figure out when Alex got three arms or if it’s always been there. Did she just not notice? Do her clothes have an extra sleeve? If they don’t, they should. It would be uncomfortable without it.

She would make extra sleeves for Alex and her somewhat new but maybe always there additional arm.

“God, she’s rocked isn’t she?” Maggie. It’s Maggie’s fingers working their way through her hair, tapping at the back of her neck as she carries out the motions. A sigh builds up in her chest at something to focus on past the buzzing in her ears, on her skin.

She leans her head further into Maggie’s hand. “Thank you.” When she peers up, Maggie’s smiling softly down at her, and oh, the warmth in her chest stretches, expands, because Maggie’s smiling at her, and Alex is smiling at both of them and she loves them.

She would give them both hugs right now, but Alex had already gotten on her for manhandling the driver and I love you too but wait until we’re home, okay?

“No problem.” Maggie shifts her arm, hand gripping lightly at Alex’s elbow. “Lena said to call her when you have a minute.”

She loses track of Alex’s reply.

Somewhere between Lena and- yeah no, she froze at that.

“A date!” She throws herself back, hand dragging down her face, because oh gosh, did she- what time is it? “I had a date. Did I stand Lena up? But I can’t stand her up if I’m not even there. I never even sat down. Who’s standing? Not me.”

“What is she saying?”

Kara groans and bites down on her fist. They turn down the familiar street near her apartment, but Lena is probably sitting at a cold dinner waiting for her and-

L-Corp stands in the distance. Right where Lena would go if she was upset if someone- an awful someone, no good someone, a terrible, absolutely- left her alone at dinner.

“Kara, it’s fine. I called-”

She bolts out of the car.

(Later, Alex will get a very stern call from Eliza- not that she told or anything- and where did you even learn words like that?)

She runs into a stop sign once.

She keeps going though, because those are only for cars, right? She can’t get- get pulled or something just as stupid for running into one even if, now, it’s as mangled as it would be if a car ran into it but still.

She tries to inconspicuously run past the next officer she sees.

The guards at L-Corp all buck up when she sprints past, and she’s not sure if it’s because they know they can’t catch her or that they recognize her, but they settle back down almost immediately.

Jess merely offers her a small wave in comparison to hers as she darts past and shoves open Lena’s doors.

Lena’s heartbeat skyrockets as the doors slap against the walls and maybe, maybe that wasn’t the best entrance. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” She pauses, realigning the doors. “Well about that and,” she clasps her hands together and turns fully to Lena, “and for missing our date. I’m so, so-”

“Kara,” and she doesn’t sound angry- well, Lena never really sounds that way to her, maybe tired or upset or heartbroken which is just the worst of the worst but- right now, there’s a little amused smile playing on her face. “Alex told me you wouldn’t be able to make it hours before our reservation.”

“Oh.” She could hug Alex. Her and every single one of her arms. Twice. “I love Alex.”

“I know.” Lena tugs at her hand. Her mind may be fuzzy, but that’s Lena’s tell- it’s not a tell Kara- when she wants a hug or contact and Kara’s more than ready to scoop her up. So she does. Wraps her arms tight- not too tight, lightens her grip when Lena shifts- and snuggles closer. “What happened?”

“Oh it, the alien, um,” she tilts her head, tries to think back to Alex explaining it to her. Alex said she did it three times but she’s pretty sure that’s an exaggeration. She can’t remember. “It smelled funny.”

“It,” Lena scrunches up her face and oh, she can’t help but press closer to her at that, feels her chest tighten pleasantly at the sight. “Okay,” she says slowly, “You were supposed to be going home to rest. Alex let you come here?”

“Not exactly.” Now that she thinks about it, Alex’s heartbeat is a thunder in her ears which usually means Alex is scared or unhappy, and you know what? Probably both. “I think I’m in trouble.” Lena’s eyes widen at that. “Wait, not. Not alien trouble. Or trouble with aliens? Because I’m an alien. So alien trouble could still just be trouble for me, but not, not Supergirl trouble. I mean trouble. With Alex.”

Lena’s shoulders fall. Even further when she smooths her palms over them, cups Lena’s chin in her hands and feels her smile against her palm. “That’s almost worse, isn’t it?”

She taps a finger over Lena’s cheek. “I think so? Probably. But I was really sneaky getting here, so I have at least an hour until she finds me.” She closes her eyes, focusing on Alex’s heartbeat and clicks her tongue. It’s really close. Sets her on edge at the pace. Or maybe it’s Alex’s muttering about threatening to strangle a certain alien. It’s probably not her though. She hears her name and rethinks that. “Or five minutes. You know, same difference.”

“Not as furtive as you thought, are you?”

Escape. Figure out what Lena just said later. “We should fly now.”

Lena blanches. “Wait, Kara-”

She stops. Lena’s breaths shorten and she facepalms when she realizes why. Slaps herself in the face really. Lena winces at the smack and pulls her hand away. “I’m sorry I forgot you don’t like- you’re scared of flying.” Lena purses her lips and starts to speak. That stubborn way when she doesn’t want to admit something, so Kara offers before she can, “I am too. Or well, not scared. I don’t like airplanes. I assume helicopters too because the- the whoosh but.” She shrugs. “Planes fail. I saved Alex. From the plane. In the plane. I couldn’t just, just let her fall.” She freezes, because oh, maybe Lena doesn’t know. “I wouldn’t let you fall.”

Lena grins, big and slow.

Like the sunrise. Encompassing and takes all of her attention with it. Basks her in warmth.

“It’s okay though. I can find a place to hide here.”

So she does.

She grabs Lena and drops behind the couch, Lena making a noise of protest when she pulls her down with her. On her, Lena’s face falling into her shoulder before Lena presses up on her shoulders to sit up. Lena rubs at her nose and frowns down at her, “Next time, just ask before you yank me down.”

“I will ask to yank you down next time.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Shh,” she whispers at the footsteps sounding in the hall. Alex should learn to step easier.

Lena’s fingers grip her shoulders. “Kara, this isn’t exactly hiding.”

The doors open. She sucks in a breath, wiggling her fingers into Lena’s side when she sighs.

“What are you doing?”

Alex sounds shocked. Disgusted? A little. Maggie’s laughing like the time Alex caught them kissing in her kitchen but this is nothing like that. She’s hiding.

Very well, she should add.

“No, wait,” Lena looks down at her helplessly before glancing back at the others. A nudge at her shoulder and a very telling glance of do something clues her in. “It’s not what it looks-”

She can totally help. She’s not sure why Lena needs help, but she’ll always help.

“We were being sneaky,” she supplies. Lena’s hand covers up her mouth before she can say more.

“Yeah, that’s not exactly stealthy.” Maggie covers up a laugh with a cough, and she really should be better at that for a human, because Kara’s sure she can do it at least 67% more convincing than that. She’s super convincing. Or really convincing. The super part doesn’t affect her convince, her convincibility.

She squints. Is that a word?

“That’s not-” Lena huffs and presses off of her, murmuring a quiet thank you when she offers up her palms for Lena to press against. “Can you explain what happened?” Lena glances down to her, eyes soft that only soften more when she waves to her. “She couldn’t really tell me.”

Alex sighs. “An alien’s defense releases chemicals that are supposed to impair it’s target.”

“Well, she’s impaired Danvers.”

“I mean,” Alex places her hands on her hips, the typical I’m annoyed stance. “Luring in a false state of calm so it can- but Kara reacted differently.”

Oh good. Lena’s providing distraction. She’s the best. She almost shouts and claps, but that isn’t very quiet.

She’s very quiet though. The quietest.

She wiggles away from them on the floor, inches closer to the couch. A look back and they’re all still talking which gives the perfect opportunity for escape and no yelling and no Alex saying she can’t just jump out of cars. Again.

She shimmies underneath the couch, feels it come up on her back but they probably won’t notice it being a few inches off the ground. Totally overlookable.

“What is she doing?”

She freezes. Breathes slowly.

“Being sneaky.”

Lena? How could she? Traitor. She presses her face into the carpet and knocks her fist against it. How easily they all fall.

It doesn’t matter though. Target acquired, locked on. Whatever Winn yells into his headset.

The door is dead ahead and-

Maggie steps in her way. Hands and knees on the carpet to look under the couch. The same smile in place that makes her feel-

“You ready to go home?”

She scrambles out from the couch, Maggie pulling her. It’s nice. Even if it does nothing. The three of them all pressed close to her, hands outstretched if she needs help.

Home. She smiles.

“She’s burning up.” Lena’s jaw is pressed tight against her temple as they make their way up the stairs.

Kara smiles. Flaps her hand at Lena’s shoulder and bumps her head against hers. “You’re hot too.”

“Don’t start,” Alex warns at her side. “Step,” they both pull up on her arms as they move upward. “She’s just fighting it off. Burning it out of her system.”

“Or I’m just hot.” She presses her tongue to the back of her teeth, makes a sizzling noise that has Alex rolling her eyes and Lena laughing.

“The hottest.” Alex gags, but Lena’s pressing a warm kiss to her cheek, and oh, Kara can feel her lips curving upwards in a smile.

“Cool.” She stares down at her feet, tries to get one foot to raise, but it’s not until Alex and Lena lift that she can get it to the next step. “Hot. I don’t know. You’re hot.”

“Didn’t I say don’t start?”

“You call Maggie hot all the time,” she says in defense. Maggie’s hand at her back falters for a moment before there’s a laugh behind her.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah,” Kara nods. Does it again and oh, she’s falling. Hands tighten around her shoulders, waist, and she’s righted. “Last time, she got all teary eyed about it. It was weird.”

“I was drunk,” Alex snaps, “and someone promised not to tell.”

“Who?”

Alex and Maggie are going back and forth while Alex tries to open her door, but Lena’s warm against her and she feels her eyes starting to close.

“Darling,” fingers prod at her, tip up her chin and she smiles at the fondness in Lena’s eyes, smile. Drags her thumb across it. “Stay awake for just another minute and then you can go to sleep.”

“Promise?”

Lena’s hands clench.

“I promise.”

“Arms up.”

“And wave them in the air like I just- just.” She tips up her jaw, huffing into the fabric of her shirt when Alex tugs it over her head. “What’s the last part?”

“Don’t care.”

“I care. That’s why I’m asking.”

Alex blinks. “No, I mean- that’s what it is.”

“That’s what, what is?” Alex’s hand urges her forward as she pulls down the sheets.

“Go to sleep Kara. We’re having a talk about you and cars tomorrow when you’re feeling better.”

“Again?”

“Again.” She smooths her hair back, trying to distract her from the two fingers pressed to the inside of her wrist. Alex’s head bobbing every few seconds. “I love you.”

“I love you and your three arms.”

She laughs, leaning back on the bed beside her. Fingers slipping around hers immediately. “I’m not the alien in this family, Kara.” She glances to her before looking out, Maggie and Lena talking as they both try to coax the coffee machine to work. It won’t though. Only her and Alex know how.

They hit it.

She hums. “Family?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice.” She swallows. Does it again when her throat doesn’t do it quite right, feels tight. “Family. I love it. Them.”

“Yeah,” Alex sighs, and oh, Kara loves the content smile on her face. Loves how it’s only now that she knows that smile apart from Alex’s other ones. That she knows it even exists. “They’re pretty great, aren’t they?”

She’s sweaty.

Not the good workout kind, where the ache is almost as bothersome as it is pleasant. An accomplishment when she’s blown out her powers and pressed through. This is just the I’ve sweat all night and it’s gross.

She opens her eyes, sees the familiar curve of Lena’s neck and leans forward to press her lips against it. Fingers come up and slide through her hair, Lena’s lips quirking upwards.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” she moves away from Lena just enough to allow air to get between them, winces when it feels like she’s peeling herself off of Lena. “I’m gross.”

“A little.” Lena huffs out a laugh when she throws her face into the pillow. “It’s fine. Not that different from usual.”

“Oh well, if it’s not that different.” She rolls back to Lena, makes sure to throw her arm and legs over her. “Good?”

“Perfect.” Lena reaches out her hand to grab her phone, ducking her head once she checks it. “We should get up. Alex said she’ll be here in twenty to go to the DEO so you can get checked out.”

“I’m fine,” she points out.

“Just a checkup.” Lena looks over her shoulder, “We’ll get breakfast afterwards.” It’s supposed to be enticing but she just buries her nose deeper against Lena’s hair until fingers pinch at her arm. “Up.”

“Or,” she grins and kisses the back of Lena’s neck, “that means we have twenty minutes to sleep in.”

Lena bites her lip like she’s thinking, but her hands come up to settle over hers against Lena’s stomach and Kara thinks a little proudly that she’s already won.

“What you said yesterday-”

“I can’t remember everything but I’m going to go ahead and apologize.”

“No.” Lena pauses. “Well, apparently you told Jess she had nice hands and hugged the guards on our way out but-” Lena shakes her head and turns so that they’re facing again. “About flying.”

She brushes her nose against Lena’s, fingers gripping the sides of her face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Lena’s hands flatten over hers, and oh, she’s smiling. That small one that usually means she’s not getting something. The one that makes her grin right back. “It wasn’t flying. It was that you couldn’t walk straight and I didn’t want either of us jumping off a balcony like that.” Lena’s fingers twist in her shirt and draw her closer. “I love flying with you.”

“I wouldn’t let you fall,” she repeats firmly.

Lena leans back, eyes bright in the morning sun and tossing her head back. “What a relief. Here I thought you’d-”

Lena’s fingers go slack on her back when she leans forward to kiss her. Clutch at her when she pulls away until she darts forward again, pressing her lips against Lena’s cheek, up to her temple, down to her nose. Her breath catching in her throat when Lena’s fingers slide to the back of her neck, holding her still before bringing them together again.

When her door opens and Alex- loudly, she’s so loud about it now- announces her presence, Kara grins against Lena’s lips and scoots away.

Lena peers over the edge of the bed when she flops off and onto the floor. Shaking her head when Kara just wiggles her eyebrows and winks.

Alex gasps, and Kara almost rolls her eyes for how worried it sounds. “Is she still- Kara?” As soon as Alex is close enough, she wrestles her to the ground. Making sure she’s easy enough for Alex to think she can get away and then swiping her feet from under her when she’s almost loose.

Kara snorts as tries to wiggle away from her. In vain when Kara presses her weight down on her. Maggie’s and Lena’s laughter fill the room and drown out Alex’s threats and cursing.

(It’s the warmest her home has felt.

With the sun pouring in and laughter and a hand clumsily swiping at her shoulder.

Heartbeats steady and comforting in her ear.)

She smiles. She wouldn’t let any of them fall.

(Besides, they’re the ones that help her fly.)

[ftwrthtx]

We have spent the last week running around Auroa in Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Breakpoint. Does the game stay true to the series, or did the franchise go AWOL?

  Read on to find out

The Ghost Recon franchise dates back to 2001 and has seen ten previous installments in the series. The series follow soldiers from Delta Company, First Battalion, 5th Special Forces Group, also known as Ghosts, a fictional elite special operations unit of the United States Army under the Joint Special Operations Command. Ghost Recon Breakpoint picks up 4 years after the last game in the series, Ghost Recon Wildlands, and takes place on a fictional archipelago in the Pacific called Auroa.

Deep Storyline

The story opens as you are riding in a helicopter on your way to investigate who or what sunk a cargo ship as it was departing the island chain. You are Lieutenant Colonel Anthony “Nomad” Perryman: a well trained Tier One Operator, in charge of the group of soldiers sent along with you to investigate what really happened in this archipelago. Your chopper is brought down by an unknown enemy force, and you are left hanging in a tree while all of your group’s choppers are also taken out by a swarm of what looks like angry bats. As you work your way down out of the tree, and wade through the wreckage and carnage of your downed choppers, you come across a group of heavily armed soldiers called Wolves, being led by someone you thought was your friend, former Ghost Cole D. Walker.

The island chain of Auroa had been purchased by Jace Skell, a tech genius and founder of Skell Technology. Skell Tech was world known for its development of AI and drone technology, married together in a frighteningly deadly way. Knowing this, it was pretty obvious that your choppers were taken out by swarms of drones. It is up to you, and your teammates, to free the archipelago from the military force that has taken over the island chain, with whatever weaponry you can scavenge for, and no government support. You must unravel the truth, and kill anyone that gets in your way, and find out why your buddy Cole went to the dark side.

Storytelling Throughout the Gameplay

The story is told through cut scenes and collectibles as you complete missions and gather intel. The story is well written with an intriguing storyline and even more so intriguing characters. The voice acting and character animations, both facial and physical, are well done, and fans of the Walking Dead will recognize the actor playing Cole Walker as Shane Walsh (aka Jon Bernthal). He does a great job as the villain in the story, which isn’t always easy when all you are doing is talking into a mic. Even his walk is recognizable, so the animators did a great job of capturing his likeness as well as his facial and physical animations.

This is Ghost Recon

The game is played in the third person, and is designed for co-op play and stealth. The game stays true to its Ghost Recon roots, but also evolves into a bit of a looter-shooter in that guys you gun down generally drop weapons, ammo, or other gear and gathering it up is a huge benefit for you. The tougher they are, the better the loot, generally speaking, and the gear is usually a bit better than what you currently have equipped. All of the gear has a gear score, which determines your overall score when averaged out across every slot, and the higher your score the farther in the game you can progress and the higher ranked enemies you can attempt to defeat.

The game has an evolved weapon and gear system reminiscent of The Division series, but also with an underlying permanent level up system. The MK weapon upgrade system, once fully unlocked in your skills tree, upgrades not only the current weapon you are working on, but all future weapons of that exact same kind. i.e. Upgrade an MP5 to MK3 and all future MP5s you pick up will already be a MK3.  Same goes for your HTI or your M82, as well as handguns. It’s a great underlying system that will make your weapons more accurate, deadlier, and easier to handle, and only have to be achieved once for each unique weapon. It would be nice if additions such as extended mags, once purchased, were also automatically added, but instead you’ll have to manually add any of the desired add-ons manually every time you pick up a higher valued weapon. The add-on system is very deep, and add-ons can be found in the shop and scattered through Auroa.

The Classes of Ghost Recon: Breakpoint

With Breakpoint being designed for co-op gameplay, it’s a great idea to not only understand the Class system of the game, but also utilize it to your advantage as a team. There are four classes, each with their own unique abilities and traits. A well rounded team would theoretically have one of each, but really that should be determined by your squad goals and not just let the game dictate your set-up. The four classes are Field Medic, Assault, Panther, and Sharpshooter. Each class compliments the team differently, with things like a healing drone for the medic, cloaking spray for the panther, tear gas for the assault class, and a sensor launcher for the sharpshooter. The effects generated are shared across the team, so those bad guys the sensor launcher finds are revealed to everyone, and that healing drone owned by the medic might just save your ass on more than a few occasions if your teammate can reach you with it.

Ubisoft was nice enough to send us 4 codes for the game so we were able to squad up and play through quite a few story missions, as well as attack a few bases full of Wolves. We also spent some time alone to get a feel for the differences between the two play styles. Playing solo can really suck if you try to take down a Wolf base or even some of the story missions, depending on your difficulty settings. You can unlock some little drones that give you some sync shots since there is no AI to assist you when going solo right now, but even with those going solo can be a challenge. The game truly is designed with co-op in mind, and it’s also designed to have the different classes working together. Matchmaking is available, so even if you have no friends with the game, finding some teammates is pretty easy.

Massive Game World With So Much to Do

The game world of Auroa is huge. Massive. Immense. There are side missions to be had everywhere and a team could be easily side tracked for hours, hunting folks down, gathering intel, blueprints, or weapon accessories. The missions range from a simple hunt-and-kill-without-being-seen, to multi-location searches that will have you flying across the map, with several stops along the way, clearing locations, gathering intel, and then moving on to the next location. It’s damn near impossible to focus on the main mission when there are so many other things to do, and/or kill.

Fast Travel Points Called Bivouacs

The game world does have a central hub called Erewhon. It’s a hidden cave, masked with some sort of electronic blocker, almost like a Faraday cage, so that the bad guys can’t find this hidden location with their ever present drones. Within it you’ll be able to find squad mates, buy new gear, find new missions, and start raids. As you progress through the story, more and more people move to this location, and unlock even more missions, as if you didn’t already have enough to do. There is also a special area called a bivouac (pronounced biv-wack for those that have never heard the word before) .

Bivouacs can be used to rest up, replenish grenades and such, visit the shop to purchase weapons and gear, as well as purchase vehicles or spawn vehicles you already own. You can also swap out your class while there.These things are everywhere and if you are flying around in a chopper and see smoke trails from a camp fire, be sure to fly down close enough to unlock that bivouac. They are also fast travel points, so Erewhon is always a fast travel away. They are also great for using buffs like bonus XP for 60 minutes, or increased accuracy or better stamina. There are 6 different buffs to choose from, and they help others as well. Each game session should be started at a bivouac just so you can fire up one of them. Not all bivouacs are created equal, as some wont allow spawning of vehicles due to their confined locations, so keep that in mind if you are looking for a spot to grab a chopper you own.

Shortcuts With Real Dollars

Ubisoft has decided to offer gamers the ability to pay for some short cuts via the in-game store. There are two types of currency in-game. There’s Skell credits which you’ll earn at a pretty quick rate, and then there’s Ghost Coins which you can purchase with real world cash. If you are impatient and want to unlock certain weapons right away without having to play through the game to unlock them, you can purchase Ghost Coins and then proceed to purchase blueprints, weapons, and even the material needed to upgrade a weapon to MK1, a long with vehicles and Skell Credit bundles. Everything purchased with these Ghost Coins are shareable across all three of your available game save slots. All of these items and upgrades can be acquired from just playing the game, but not everyone has the time to invest to fully reach that potentiality.

Micro-transactions have been around for a long time now, and as long as they don’t give a gamer a true advantage in multi-player (sports games are really bad about this), I have no issue with a company trying to make a few extra bucks. In the long run, it’ll help them create a better future product, while we as gamers reap the benefits of the available short cuts if we so desire. For a group of gamers that have the time to invest in Ghost Recon Breakpoint, these shortcuts really take away from the fun in acquiring the items they are selling. For folks that just want to play casually, when ever they have some free time, shortcuts make sense.

Not Perfect But Still A Lot of Fun

Ghost Recon Breakpoint isn’t a perfect game, as we came across a few glitches and bugs here and there, but there is truly never a dull moment. Playing as a group, we all shared some of the same criticisms and concerns such as the inability to bleed out if you are out of reach from a healing teammate, or when spawning on a teammate we were sometimes spawned over a kilometer away, or spawned right into an area with bad guys on top of you, emptying their automatic weapons into your quickly dying corpse. Occasionally when flying as a group in a chopper, the pilot might be 40 feet out in front of it, flying through the air in a sitting position.

Developer Ubisoft Paris took a lot of what worked great in Ghost Recon Wildlands and brought that over to Ghost Recon Breakpoint, then added a new skill system, created a better weapon and gear system, and created an awesome Class system geared towards team work. If you are looking for a team based shooter, with incredible graphics, a lot of stuff to do, and some challenging bad asses to kill, this game is for you.

  8.5

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Breakpoint review codes provided by publisher and reviewed on a PS4 Pro. For more information on scoring, please read What our review scores really mean.

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Breakpoint Review - An Ever Evolving Franchise We have spent the last week running around Auroa in Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Breakpoint. Does the game stay true to the series, or did the franchise go AWOL?

[livetravelasia]

Vietnam Day 2.1 - Breaking Out of My Bubble

When I pictured my first day in Vietnam, I imagined capturing a breathtaking morning landscape pic lit up with the bright cheery sun and posting on my Instagram with the #goodmorningvietnam.  Cliche?  Probably.  Have I even seen the movie?  No.  But isn’t this what everyone is thinking?  Isn’t this the average American man’s idea of an exotic trip?  Some premeditated idea of making your friends jealous that you’re living the dream!  Which to most Americans means you’re doing something you saw in a movie.

I guess I was living the dream cause my trip was beginning to feel like a horror movie.  It’s only the first morning in Vietnam and I am walking down the main street in front of my guesthouse trying to find an agency to book the first bus out of HoChiMinh City.  I am literally afraid for my life and praying that I don’t get pulled into an alleyway so that some pissed off mafia guy can stab me to death for leading him on the night before.  Luckily I found a set of travel agencies less than a block away and after a bit of price comparison I decided to book my first bus ticket.  

Now a little advice about taking the bus across Vietnam, as this would be the only proper way to do it if you aren’t brave enough to do it all in a motorcycle.  Advice #1, don’t ever think anything is going to go according to plan or just like how it worked for some other guy on a forum or blog you read about.  Things are constantly changing in Asia, buses that were new are old a year after the blog was published, and generally you shouldn’t expect the same level of service or accountability with the travel industry in SE Asia as a whole relative to a developed country like America.  The more developed countries like Thailand fare better, countries like Cambodia are definitely more unreliable, while Vietnam falls in the middle of those two in my experience.  But as a rule of thumb, these people deal with tourists who will most likely never come back, and there is an extent to how much they will deal with your expectations in an effort to maintain their reputation.

Now having said that, there are bigger companies that will fare better than others.  When I was reading up on the bus companies, the “Sinh Tour Bus” company was the most recommended.  So my advice #2 is to go with the bus company everyone is using. There’s usually a reason why everyone is using it and it’s not worth the extra $1 you’ll save using some obscure company.  The smaller they are, the more reason they have to rip you off so they can make a living in my experience.  Anyways, at the time I was there in 2015, “Sinh” was good for the most part, and I used “Queen” in Northern Vietnam for the less touristy locations that “Sinh” didn’t travel to.  

Now my advice #3 is to try to book directly with the bus company, not the “middleman tour agencies” that take a cut for recommending you to them as I did in this case with “Lac Hong Tours” which booked my bus ticket with “Sinh Tour Bus Company”.  If I wasn’t so damn scared of getting stabbed I would have known the “Sinh Tour Bus Company” is located only about 50 meters away, and I could have gotten a discount booking directly with them.  It’s also a big thing for me to ask for seats located in the front as it’s more scenic than the back of people’s heads, less bumpy allowing me to sleep better, and less likely to be located in the back with the smelly toilet.  Unfortunately the tour agency companies can only ask for these requests but can’t guarantee them.  Deal directly with the company that is going to provide you the service if at all possible.  

Now that leads me to advice #4.  It’s not worth booking the “open” bus tickets for your whole route which gives you a set of bus tickets with open ended dates through one company.  I can maybe see this being good for tourists who have a set itinerary, want to save a few bucks, and don’t want to deal with the hassle of shopping around for buses at every location they arrive, but the reasons I don’t advise getting an open bus ticket for your whole Vietnam route is as follows:

1. There isn’t much of a price discount for doing so. 2. If there is no room on the bus for the date you want to travel, you have no flexibility to book with another company. 3. As you travel, you’ll inevitably run into people who will suggest detours that your bus company may not service, rendering your tickets useless. 4. Your bus company may have their pickup location in some obscure part of town for certain cities causing you to spend more money and time arranging for transport to the pickup location which contradicts the whole reason people want to purchase open bus tickets in the first place. 5. If for whatever reason you don’t like the bus company, you’re stuck with them for the 1092 miles (1757 kms) and you have no one to blame but yourself for prepaying for services that haven’t been provided yet.  A common sense thing lost to most Americans who are spoiled with our generous return policies.  

Anyways, back to breaking out of my bubble.  So here I am having a hell of a morning nervous I’ll get shanked any moment by some tatted up mafia dude.  Unfortunately at that time, and fortunately when I look back on it, they didn’t have a bus leaving for Dalat until the next day.  So I went back to the guesthouse and extended my stay for one more night and grabbed a map of HoChiMinh City to tour as far away from Pham Ngu Lao Street as possible.    

It did help that my first leg of the journey was through some quiet parks with people that seemed peaceful overall.  Girls chatting and giggling on the benches, kids playing some kind of game, nice gated schools with little children chanting some Communist pledge of allegiance.  I did get nervous on some of the main roads as I kid you not, thousands of motorcycles will pass by in a matter of minutes.  I thought Bangkok had a lot of motorcycles, but my ex Honda motorcycle engineer girlfriend in Thailand wasn’t kidding when she said their biggest market is now Vietnam.  I am still thinking oh gawd, mafia dude is going to jump out at me from a motorcycle thinking about all the horror stories I was told by backpackers of girls being dragged along the road by their backpacks they wouldn’t let go of and losing their skins.  But overall it was quite a peaceful city with big open roads in some areas, nice cafes, with expensive Aston Martins and Rolls Royce cars parked out front.  A welcomed change to the traffic and noise filled streets of Bangkok, LA, and Seoul that I am used to.  I eventually ended up at the “War Remnants Museum”.  

I paid the very minimal entrance fee of less than a dollar to walk into what looked like a decent sized museum.  Certainly seemed better than the ones in Cambodia I’ve been in for twice the price.  I can’t say I was all that impressed with the captured American war machines that were staged outside as I was in the US ARMY and been to larger museums in Fort Eustice and such, but I imagine that alone might be worth the price of admission for people interested in taking nice selfies with Vietnam War Era planes, helicopters, and tanks.  

However, what was the most interesting part about the museum to me was the extensive collection of pictures and commentary about the war available inside the building.  Being someone that could watch the history channel all day, I could have honestly spent a whole day there looking at the pictures, maps, infographics, statistics, and overall communist propaganda.  I mean it was quite well put together.  You can clearly see in the eyes of non-Americans like the numerous French tourists there, gobbling up all this anti-American propaganda.  There is even one floor dedicated to showing you how much harm “agent orange” which the Americans used had such a devastating effect on people, and portraying America as the perpetrator and war mongers that we were to attack a peaceful country that wanted to freely pursue being communist.  

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some sarcasm coming from a brainwashed American.  I consider myself to be quite culturally receptive being that I am ethnically Korean and having lived a large part of my life in Korea and Kenya.  Venturing out on this trip to Asia, wanting to see things from another perspective being fed up of with the rhetoric in America also helps one to be quite open to new ideas as well.  Anyways, what I am saying is not an opinion, it’s simply my observation of what was going on in a crude and simple manner as I don’t know how to be anything but blunt.  I also want to say I am honestly the last person qualified to comment on who was right or wrong so in no way am I taking sides.

I just want to make this clear that I am not forming any opinion on this subject matter as I clearly sympathize with the trauma and pain my personal friends and their family have suffered from the war.  A little about me.  I have lived in or adjacent to a city in Orange County California called Westminster and also attended Westminster High School.  This city is known as “Little Saigon” where a majority of the “boat people” who fled Vietnam ended up.  I clearly remember like it was yesterday when my friends were protesting outside a video store owner’s business against his 1st amendment rights to display a picture of HoChiMinh in his place of private business as it was offensive.  Eventually they won as I hear the IRS busted him for tax evasion to settle this because they couldn’t technically bust him on his right to display a picture.  Just saying this is how passionate my friends are anti HoChiMinh and I fully sympathize with their right to do so.  

However I can clearly see and I was impressed simply at how well this museum does a job to tell things from the communist’s perspective of the war.  Again, not saying this is right or wrong, but it’s hard to see the pictures of those affected by agent orange and not have your heart go out to them.  And it does it in a subtle enough manner where it isn’t directly demonizing and attacking the Americans, but they portray themselves as the victims and leave you to connect the dots.  I could visually see other tourists sympathizing with the perspective of the communist’s anti American message here.  And their justification for the war which is portrayed by them as a war to fight oppression.  I thought it was quite clever of them to use a phrase from our “Declaration of Independence” that all are created equal and have a right to pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, clearly insinuating that it was big bad America vs poor little Vietnam.  Again, this is not my opinion, this is how it was, and you need to visit this museum to fully understand what I saw.  

Anyways, what was first a curiosity, a perspective boggler, a mind blowing experience of a message that has been contrary to everything I was taught to believe having lived in democracies all my life, things started to become real.  I have to say I am proud to be an American, proud to have served in the Armed forces to protect my country, and overall a pretty American guy regardless of my ethnic heritage.  But with all this anti American, particularly anti American Army vibe going around the museum not only in its message, but also by the non Vietnamese visitors there, I can say I never felt more threatened and out of my American bubble than at that moment.

This is when I fully realized, America isn’t always right to a lot of people.  Again, not commenting on absolute right or wrong, I am saying to “a lot of people”.  Nor am I saying to every Vietnamese, just saying to “a lot of people”.  There were “a lot of people” at that museum at the least so I don’t think my observations are anywhere near approaching the territory of opinion.  

Of course I know America isn’t perfect, but what seemed like an unbiased opinion of pro democracy message I have heard in school and those around me, was seeming biased at that moment.  Now I am no communist, I can tell you I clearly support a democratic government and appreciate the freedoms it provides its citizens, but I am simply making an observation that what we consider to be unbiased is biased to others as I clearly witnessed in this museum.  Luckily I have no issues with differences of opinion.  This might disgust some of you who are opinionated about everything, I was only here as an observer, not looking to make any kind of problems with this government.  

Anyways, not commenting on anything else, but at least on the use of “agent orange” it seemed America was definitely f’d up to have decided to use it so I am clearly in no position to talk from some high moral grounds of being an American.  Anyways, I highly recommend one visits this museum.  Not because I think you should buy into this message or not.  I thought it was interesting to see things from a completely different perspective.  Unless you’re some sheep that doesn’t know how to form your own opinions and you’re afraid this museum is going to turn you communist, visit the place to better understand the trauma these people have endured because that’s quite apparent no matter what side of the communist, democracy argument you land on.  If anything, as an American it was a good reminder that I am definitely not in some pro American country and I needed to be respectful of this country at least while they are hosting me as to not be arrested or worst end up in jail for doing something culturally insensitive.