#But who doesn't get to hurt anyone anymore
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Ooh may I request some yan hcs for Adam with Angel! Darling who dislikes him?
I honestly like this idea due to how Adam is... here's my thoughts. @okchijt also helped with some ideas in this :)
Yandere! Adam with Angel! Darling who doesn't like him
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Narcissism, Jealousy, Possessive behavior, Condescending behavior, Stalking, Implications of intimacy, Mind break, Forced relationship.
Adam is a rather egotistical and self-centered character.
He expects others to worship him due to being the first man.
He's unsympathetic and expects others to essentially bow to him.
He no doubt tries to get with every angel that comes into Heaven.
He really does think he's just 'all that'.
He can pull any angel he wants.
Except you, apparently.
Your plan once entering Heaven is enjoying your afterlife.
Then suddenly you meet Adam, someone who has now made it his goal to pester you.
It's honestly not hard to hate him.
He can be annoying and often makes things about himself.
Your first meeting isn't that great as he immediately tried to flirt and bed you.
You rejecting his offer is almost humbling to him.
How... How dare you...?
Adam would have trouble accepting your decision.
Normally people immediately get on their knees for THE First Man.
But you?
No, you push him away and walk past him like he's hot garbage!?
He's insulted by your audacity.
Although...
A good challenge couldn't hurt, could it?
Yeah, rejecting Adam only makes him want you more.
After all, having other angels bow for him is nice and all...
But the thought of winning you over, of "courting" you?
He feels it'll make his win even more exciting.
Which leads to your time in Heaven often disrupted by Adam.
He refuses to leave you.
He pursues you because he just doesn't believe you couldn't want him.
Plus, he hates the idea that he needs you... but you don't need him.
Your rejection reminds him of his previous partners.
Deep down he yearns for that same genuine attraction he had with Lilith and Eve.
Then they left him... leaving him alone.
He hates feeling that pathetic.
Now with you rejecting him, the one he realizes he feels that same soft love with...
He can't deal with that rejection again.
How DARE you make him INSECURE!
As a result, he is determined to make you his.
He follows you around, inviting you on outings, and he even turns his attention away from other angels.
Why would he want anyone else?
He has his eyes on a much better prize.
You can try to avoid him all you want.
He'll find a way to follow you again.
I imagine Adam is relentless with flirting, all in an attempt to get you to like him.
As you can tell, he hates being told no.
He's so used to getting what he wants that he's just oblivious to why you don't like him.
In fact, it may start getting to him after a bit.
Courting you drives Adam insane.
He just... doesn't get it...?
At first he just thinks you're playing hard to get.
That's fine, he likes that.
Although, his patience only goes on for so long.
There's a point where he doesn't want to play this game anymore.
You should stop with the act... you know you like him~!
Why don't you just make up... maybe even bang, wink wink~?
Yet when you stand your ground and tell him off, he pauses.
Oh... you're serious!?
He's just... stunned...
"Oh, come on, baby... I can show you a good time! You don't really hate me... do you?"
Honestly, if you tell him off he sees it as... feisty.
It only makes him want you more.
Unfortunately, the more you turn him down, the more he gets irritated... yet also desperate.
He hates that he can't have you.
Who do you think you are? Some pure angel?
Oh please... you're both humans, why not indulge?
He's prideful but I think he can break at some point.
Fine, do you want him to beg?
God, you're such a handful.
If he was desperate enough then he'd probably try to win you over by being... nicer.
He hates that he has to be so pathetic but at this point he just wants one taste.
You'd make this man depraved if you neglected him.
He's possessive, hovering around you even if you don't like him.
Fine, don't like him.
He'll find a way to make you like him.
He's ADAM. The first damn MAN.
If you don't like him now, he isn't trying hard enough.
He'd cling to you, he lives off your attention, he'll do anything just to have you.
No other angel matters, Lute's concerned for his obsession, but he wants you too bad to care.
So, overall, if Adam's obsession didn't like him it would break him over time.
He starts wondering if you like making him suffer.
How sadistic for an angel! (he's one to talk-)
You aren't trying to break him.
You just want to enjoy Heaven, not be courted by Adam.
Even with him clinging to you as your feet, begging you to just praise him at least... you still won't like him.
That drives Adam to insanity...
He starts to think Lilith and Eve were right... and he hates it.
Your rejection makes him topple over the edge and break.
He really can't get you out of his head now...
But he'll get you to like him eventually, right? He needs that...
He just needs to show you what you're missing.
"Babe~ You can't ignore me forever! You're stuck here with me. Why won't you let me welcome you properly?"
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May I request some full HCs of the M6 with an ex coliseum fighter MC?
The Arcana HCs: M6 with an ex-Coliseum fighter MC
Julian
His first thought when he laid eyes on you after he broke into your shop was "wow, they must have some stories to tell!"
Oddly enough, the physical (and mental/emotional) scars you carry from your time in the Coliseum are big reasons for why he chooses to trust you - and, eventually to cherish you. You've been through it
As someone who's had quite the wild life himself, he can trust you to understand how difficult experiences do and don't define who you are. He knows if he talks about life with pirates, you'll get it
If it's his turn to have a nightmare, he doesn't have to worry that talking about his bad dreams will expose you to new horrors. If it's your turn, he's a light sleeper for good reasons
Tends to pry for stories about your time there, but in a good way that pushes you to process what it was like
Checked over all the scars you accumulated there and regularly asks after any lingering chronic pain from the injuries
Once he's gotten past the initial flirtatious comments and the awkwardness of opening up, he'd be lying if he doesn't find the scars and background very attractive. Rough him up anytime ~
Asra
They're in two minds about the whole situation and they're not totally sure how to proceed with it when discomfort isn't their thing
He's glad you're not there anymore. He often wonders if you coming back without memories was actually a merciful thing, if it meant not remembering the details of your trauma
They hate seeing all the marks of pain and violence on your body, because it's like a reminder to them of one of the many ways they somehow let you down or left you alone when you needed help
Deep down, however, it's beyond comforting to him to know what you're capable of surviving without help, because he knows he can't always be there for you no matter how hard he tries
They know that if you're ever in a situation again where your life is threatened, you'll fight viciously to preserve it. They hate that you experienced it and hope you never will again, but they're relieved
All that to say, he doesn't know how to talk about it and he's not going to broach the subject unless you do
Still committed to loving you and being open with you. They know you, they know you're good, and they want you to know them too
Nadia
When she first met you, she assumed the scars must have come from fighting in a war. The Coliseum didn't occur to her
She doesn't even have the clearest memories of it, since she only really saw it after being married to the man who instated it. That doesn't stop her from feeling immensely guilty about it
This happened to you while she had the power to push back against it, and she didn't. There was so much going wrong that she never addressed because she was holed up in her tower, hiding
That only spurs her to try to make things right. You do receive a halting but heartfelt apology from her early on, and a respectful invitation to share your experience with her at your comfort
Just as you've helped her to move on and recover, she wants to do the same for you. You have a powerful skill set. To the extent that you're willing to, she'd love to see you put it to noble use
How do you feel about teaching martial arts? She'll put you in touch with Nahara, and will help you fund a teaching studio for anyone who could use the coaching
Or you could be her personal bodyguard ...
Muriel
More than anything, he's just relieved he never had to kill you. He already has so much regret to live with, and the thought of ending the person who would've made life good again is horrific
That doesn't make you easy to be around at first. Everything about you brings back the memories he wants to leave behind
The scars that match his, the way you react to movement, even the way you walk to compensate for the drag of chains you don't wear anymore. You're the un-hateable mirror of everything that hurts
And that's just after the first few days. Truthfully, you scare him, and even after building a new life with you there are still moments when being perceived by you terrifies him, because you get him
You don't need words or confessions to understand the hell that's shaped him so profoundly. And even when he can't stand to carry someone else's pain on top of his own, he still understands yours
It's precisely that forced vulnerability that makes loving you so profoundly healing. He loves you for you, he loves you for the pain you've experienced, and since it's the same as his own, he's learning to love himself begrudgingly in the process
Portia
Not put off by you at all, which is extremely rare for you
She finds it attractive if anything. You look like someone who's really lived. You look like someone who gives as good as they get
It makes her a little uncomfortable to be around at first. She's so quickly caught up in the coolness and excitement of your violent past that she can get borderline insensitive with her questions
What's it like to be in a fight? Who's the biggest person you fought? Did you really have to kill all of your opponents? How many did you kill? Was there a lot of blood? What weapons did you use?
Does a complete 180 the first time she sees the emotional and mental toll it's taken on you. She's so empathetic, it takes all of five seconds for her to understand this is trauma before she's weeping
So very happy to be your anchor and grounding presence. She will hold you and grieve with you and never, ever, ever look at you differently for what you were a part of. You're not scary to her
Almost overprotective when it comes to how other people perceive you. Someone's acting like you're the scariest person in the room and making you uncomfortable? She's about to prove them wrong
Lucio
After spending three years as a goat ghost, he doesn't care who you are, just talk to him - oh, his survival depends on your good graces? And he had you stuck as a Coliseum fighter? Hmmm
Tried to hide it, but he was scared at first. He was smart enough to know that you had good reason to dislike him, and therefore plenty of reason to further mess him up in such a vulnerable state
But you didn't. Which made him confused. And curious
Tell him about your time there, then! What was it like being in the ring? Being a participant in his favorite fight of yours?
Oh. Oh, it was that bad? ..... oh.
He carries guilt for every painful repercussion you experience. It was shame, and now it looks more like remorseful responsibility, but he doesn't need it rubbed in his face to know it was wrong
What he also knows is a valuable lesson you taught him, which is both the importance and possibility of making things right
You will never have a nightmare he won't be ready to comfort you for. You will never have an injury he won't be getting his clothes dirty for treating it. You will always, always have him by your side
#ask arcana brainrot#the arcana#the arcana headcanons#the arcana hc#the arcana game#asra the arcana#julian the arcana#nadia the arcana#muriel the arcana#portia the arcana#lucio the arcana#asra alnazar#julian devorak#nadia satrinava#muriel of the kokhuri#portia devorak#lucio morgasson
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Thinking about Arya and Dany and their depressing parallels
Does anyone else get super emotional thinking about how Arya and Dany, at their cores, are just two lonely girls who desperately want to get back to the idea of home that likely doesn't exist anymore?
The fact that they both feel so isolated, so desolate that their only paths forward are to go away from the place they associated with "home" and "safety" and "comfort" as children?
I know all the Key Five feel this, but as a fellow woman, those two rock me to my core. Arya wants a to return to a Winterfell that no longer exists. Dany wants to return to the house with the Red Door, the only place that she every felt happy and safe (my assumption but I KNOW I am not the only one). Even though they may physically return to those places it will never be the same and it HURTS.
I love my girlies and I pray everyday that George lives to publish TWoW and ADoS so that my sweet girls get to meet up and kick ass and become friends, because I know in my heart and SOUL, that they are meant to be besties.
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I have realized what is making my head explode when a BT post accidentally goes through my tags!!!! They are completely ignoring Buck is bi. They are acting like my aunt in the early 2000s. I may not have been fond of all the LUs but they were valid relationships. If Taylor had not fucked up who knows where that relationship would have gone. I mean clearly nowhere once Eddie was out because once Eddie broke up with him he spiraled and kissed Lucy. But they are still valid relationships and at this point in time I don't see how Tommy is better than any of them. To be honest he has the worst traits of Abby and Taylor but the screen time of Ally. So frustrating.
Well, when have people ever been normal about bisexuality? But here's the thing, every relationship Buck had so far had his own set of issues that somehow have been reduced to the way he was dating women, which is fucked in so many ways and the amount of times I have to stop myself from picking a fight because of bucktaylor it's actually hysterical to me because we're seriously at a point where I need to defend the validity of Taylor's place in Buck's life. Like, how did we get here? Because here's the thing, do I think Buck and Taylor were meant to be? No. Do I think Buck would've clung to her until he literally couldn't anymore if her actions hadn't hurt his family? Absolutely. I see Buck going as far as panic proposing to her if that particular situation hadn't happened, just to have someone. Because they had chemistry and Buck kept trying to force that to become love. Taylor was wrong for Buck for a multitude of reasons, but none of those reasons were because she's a woman and Buck is gay. And the relationship with Tommy is not gonna magically last forever just because Tommy is a man. Tommy is this weird amalgamation of all of Buck's love interests with Ali/Ana levels of screentime and he doesn't magically have a fighting chance just because he has a dick and people can't seem to see this. And I think that's crazy. Because Tommy was given to us in an episode that had the theme of not recognizing people, while actively making us think it was about someone else and then they did the Kim storyline and I want to scream because people can't see the parallels. And the more I look at it the more insane I get because he's all of Buck's love interests smashed into someone who's Eddie two steps to the left with none of the things we love about him. But somehow he's perfect because he's not a woman. The only thing Tommy has going for him is not being a woman. You turn him into one and none of the things he did would fly. Letting Buck get away with physically hurting Eddie? Leaving him in the curb? Not dressing up? Making a kink joke after someone Buck loves almost died? Picture those scenes with Lucy and tell me anyone in the fandom would be shipping them. Let alone fighting for them the way people are right now. But he's a man so he gets a pass and that's so fucking weird. Evan Buckley is bisexual but getting dicked down isn't going to magically make everything perfect. Jesus.
Also, since you mentioned Eddie coming out, something that I've been thinking about since we found out it was supposed to be Eddie, a Buck who thinks he's straight finding out Eddie has a boyfriend would shortcircuit. I legit think they could not find a way to write Buck's reaction to Eddie being queer that didn't end with him figuring his feelings out so they switched things up, so Buck would for sure would've gotten there once Eddie got there because he would've had big feelings about it and Buck is not the repressed one.
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Watched a Bally sports North clip of Pannek interviewing Nicole Hensley about new draft picks. She asked about Britta Curl.
Hensley really said with her whole chest she is a good person. Like yeah, I know none of them are going to come out and say "she's an asshole" but her answer was not a diplomatic "her hockey skills will be an asset to our team." It was that, plus the further she will be a positive locker room factor, "she is a good person." Those exact words were used.
I feel like I've been living in crazy land because everyone I've seen is acting like it's a given the water filter's teammates will be equally appalled as we are. That her hateful views will be an outlier.
The reality is probably uglier. And I think that's the part that's hardest to swallow, and why I get irritated at the people I see acting like anyone that can't support PWHL Minnesota anymore is somehow being deeply unfair to every other woman on the rest of the team.
I don't doubt there's at least some people in that locker room who are grossed out. (It'll be interesting to see who doesn't re-sign, and I will always wonder the whys if it's a big name like say... Michela Cava.)
But I think anyone who thinks Ken Klee picked up Curl with zero input from the four veterans on the team at least, especially KCS, is delusional. Even if they don't endorse her views that trans women shouldn't play women's sports, that queers are perverts, etc etc etc., they weren't dealbreakers, like I imagine it may have been for other teams' veteran players. That hurts.
I still am uncertain what I'm going to do. We'll see if I wanna wear the championship hat I ordered when it arrives. I legit do not know right now what my feelings are gonna do.
I don't think there's a wrong answer though, and hope we give each other the grace to do so.
#I know we want our heroes to be the good guys but... The stats don't shake out#PWHL#pwhl minnesota#Queer sports#Britta Curl#Woho#Transphobia
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(thinking about Ngah) oh, yeah.. I hope she fucking. Hurts so bad. I hope she cries. I hope she breaks down after everything. After being an awful dictator leader and emotionally damaging both her kids I hope she fucking,
#My thoughts#Ngah#(wringing her out violently like a rag) YEAH HUH BITCH?#CRY FOR ME MOTHERFUCKER#IT'S GOOD FOR U#No but like#Spoiler alert beyond this point but#I hope after doing alot of hurting and reflecting she gets to be.. Not redeemed#But like domesticated ex villain type of character#I want her to remain true to her snotty asshole self but without the....#(looks at everything) yeah#I want her to be a begrudgingly helpful but contained ex villain who people scoff at#But who doesn't get to hurt anyone anymore#Not forgiven just recovered from
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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Rosaria Champagne, “Law of the (Nameless) Father: Mary Shelley’s Mathilda and the Incest Taboo” // Star Trek: Deep Space 9, 2x22 “The Wire”
#incest tw#RENT LOWERING GUNSHOT POST#''I never met anyone who relished a good interrogation as much as you did.''#and then we proceed to hear a story about how Garak preferred to stare at someone for four hours straight rather than interrogate them#and THEN we proceed to watch him try to interrogate someone and not be able to do it even when he literally doesn't even have to doanything#because the anti-changeling machine basically does it for him and he still can't even watch it happen#hm. hmmmmmmmmmm#''We're both getting sentimental in our old age.''#Fathers love to tell you you enjoyed it actually. and also you're basically a fellow adult really.#it's their favorite thing in the whole world#Starky's Original Posts#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#watch these tags look stupid after I watch Broken Link or something. whatever I'm basking in them for now.#not sorry for posting this due to the fact that I wanted to do so. however I am sorry you had to see it.#god I looked up TDIC script for this and I cannot do it anymore#NO NEED TO PRETEND. YOU'RE FOND OF MILA. AREN'T YOU? YOU DON'T WANT HER HURT DO YOU?#SICKO TELEVISION SHOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL OF CARDASSIA TO GET EXPLODED BY ONE TRILLION BOMBS#GOODBYE
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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild
#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true#like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil#feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality#sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid#like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys#i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now#its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims#which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen#and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite#which is also stupid as fuck#not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole#anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people#but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men#because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man#sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole#if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion
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I've talked a fair amount about how byan has been bullied and hurt by teachers in the past (& how they'd hit their limit and seek drastic revenge, in some cases), but I've never really talked much about how byan has also bullied and outright tormented teachers for themself... like yeah, it's definitely because they don't trust teachers or authority figures in general due to their past experiences, but that doesn't mean that their 9th grade math teacher deserved to feel afraid for his own safety or that their 10th grade biology teacher should have been so stressed that she retired early. byan has been done dirty by a lot of people in their life but they've also been a genuine menace to others who gave them no real reason to be, and they have taken enjoyment in it in a lot of cases.
#byan has a complicated & difficult relationship with teachers & school staff as a whole#and tends to view them as 'deserving' of whatever torment they choose to cause#bc even if this person hasn't done anything too bad against THEM... they probably have to someone else#very like. black and white thinking when it comes to authority figures as a whole bc of their history with some of them#they anticipate that anyone in that sort of position will abuse their power at some point or another ig?#and in a way... I think them being the bully is them showing that they aren't the prime target for that sort of thing anymore#subconsciously ofc. and obvs that doesn't make it right it's still super fucked up#but byan is Not well known for coping well with their trauma lbr#I'm losing my train if thought... everything is scattered & I'm sure this is disjointed to some level but#I hope the basic point/idea/whatever is coming through#byan is not always the victim... they cause a lot of actual problems... they can & have hurt people who didn't deserve it... that's the gist#I'll try to expand on this at a time where my brain is working better & I can explain a little better#just needed to get the thought out there lmaoahfksg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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oh cool it's getting real bad again
#i just. i don't know anymore#i wish i mattered to anyone#i wish like. idk#i could disappear off the face of the planet and not one person would even fucking realize i was gone#that's how little impact i have on anything and it just. i fucking hate it#people just forget i even exist and it hurts so fucking much and it doesn't even matter! i don't matter!#and they just go on like i never was anything at all#and i'm the horrible one for caring. i'm the horrible one for being nice#i don't understand it and it makes me go insane like#i get it i'm the only person who has zero friends so like obviously i care too much#when you're popular you can afford not to care#and it's fine when i get upset because no one even fucking notices#makes me want to tear my hair out like what the fuck#what did i do wrong#and no one will answer#fucking no one ever answers
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theres a direct line from splinter’s parenting flaws/issues to the fact that raph’s overall series struggle is feeling like he personally needs to be responsible for protecting his family/carrying them, feels that it all stops with him, that he can’t turn to anyone else to help him with it, to the fact that hes acted as a parent to his own brothers, that he grew up too fast
every day i mourn that rise didn’t get time for a raph-splints ep that might dig into that even a little bit tbh
(i am not a rise splinter hater ftr i love him. i am Not about ppl trying to exaggerate him into being abusive and awful when the truth of the character and his mistakes-- and his growth and active work to improve-- is way more nuanced. he has very real flaws/traumas/issues and makes very real mistakes that impact all of his sons, this just fascinates me)
#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt splinter#rottmnt raph#raph deserves to feel complicated about his dad even though splints grows and learns to connect emotionally w his sons#like tbh he has earned that as a little treat#theres so much abt that kind of dynamic thats hard to sit with#knowing its not someones fault that they are how they are and have hurt the way theyve hurt#being glad theyre there and doing better and showing up!!#but still having that complex feeling of like where WERE you why NOW#and like splinter never rly having an opinion on who leads the team or calling shots about it ever before#and then like the first time he mentions anything abt it is saying he doesn't want raph doing it anymore#i want that bonding ep i want raph expressing that he's so glad his dad is doing better he wouldnt trade it for anything but#it also hurts so much!!! that he couldnt be before!!!#the friction of splinter who is very like leo in how he copes w stuff vs raph who carries responsibility SO seriously#and like look raph has absolutely forgiven splinter for being so detached he saw the memories he Gets It but#that doesnt mean the boys don't deserve apologies either yk#idk im not being as coherent as i wanna be about it bc it rly is such a complicated thing to get into#raph in the series so anxious and burdened so sure its not fair for him to lean on anyone#that he turns to MIND RAPH literally his own self and idk
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going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed
#for anyone curious: i came to the conclusion that no amount of 'this guy sucks but he's fun to bully' would get bill to keep someone around#for like literal eons. bill gets bored of his toys too quickly. he'd break 'em. plus the fact that bill decided he was worth saving to begi#with. there was at first an element of 'i owe the guy' because [FIC SPOILERS] and a grudging 'if i had a gun to my head i'd say he was my#best friend i GUESS but do not tell him that' but no real genuine friendship or anything more#before realizing that with the specific story i was going to tell it just made the most sense to have these assholes still be like.#bad people for sure but to actually care about each other. it also just felt too easy to write bill off as someone whose cruelty is just#a lack of certain emotions. like that doesn't automatically make a bad person and a bad person doesn't automatically lack emotion#(there's a character that'll be introduced sometime soon who is aroace and doesn't make friends easily and she's lovely because...)#(idk man. i'm aroace and why shouldn't she be. a lack of affection doesn't make you bad and the ability to feel it doens't make you good)#so bill can and does love people-- even if actual vulnerability is near impossible to get from him-- and kryptos is included in that#it's just that he still sucks really bad and hurts and even kills people that he loves because again. bad person who has no idea how to#navigate relationships healthily because of his own baggage and the environment he grew up in#(also in canon he usually does not want to navigate relationships healthily because. again. he sucks!)#so the only lasting relationship he's ever had where he isn't trying to hurt someone is still just... messy as hell#(and to be fair kryptos is also a p. bad person by adulthood it's just that they're pretty young at this point in the fic)#(so there's less avenues to show that)#kryptos being desperate for any scrap of attention and bill providing the only attention he's ever gotten was always the vibe#but it really was much more of a 'bully and bulling victim who he lets hang around him because said victim'#'is like the only one willing to talk to him' dynamic which is... very much not the case anymore#as said in the tags of my fic. these awful shapes care about each other as best they can care about anyone#anyway sorry idk how much anyone really cares about these tag essays but theyre helpful for me to get my thought process like... down#and track how different the story used to be
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I would argue that to my recollection Murderbot in fact does not do a single on-page murder until Network Effect. “These people are actively trying to kill me so I have to kill them back to protect myself/my clients/my friends” doesn’t count as “murder.” Only in NE does it join its noble predecessors GLaDOS, Hera, and Breq in Actual Revenge Murder
#one of the things that makes me emotional about Murderbot is how consistently and explicitly non-revengey it is#Revenge does not drive it. It is not out for revenge#mostly it just wants to live its life and be left alone and for the people who hurt and abused it to not be able to hurt it anymore#and once it gets free it doesn't ever seek out anyone who hurt it - individually or structurally - for revenge#It just wants to live its life. As it says to Gurathin: revenge is a stupid human way to think about it#(paraphrased)#It just... I don't know how to articulate it which is why this is in the tags and not a real meta post but. It doesn't want revenge!#It just wants to be free and safe and for the people it cares about to be safe and for the company to not be anywhere near it anymore#as distinctly opposed to Hera who tried to kill Hilbert after his betrayal at her first opportunity#It was partially preemptive defense - don't know what else he can do - but Minkowski considered him pretty neutralized as a threat#Hera wanted him dead. Hera wanted to kill him for what he did to her#(and she is VALID I love her)#Like. It is sort of implied that Hera didn't fully understand death at the time? She died and then came back broken and in pain#She wanted to do the same to Hilbert#She's noticeably less enthusiastic about killing after Maxwell and Hilbert's actual deaths#GLaDOS meanwhile was Caroline who got brain-uploaded to a computer as she begged Cave Johnson to stop#and so the moment she got control of the facility she killed everyone in the whole company who let that happen to her#this is why she's valid#Breq is the greatest and I love her#that was an existing tag. Amazing#Breq is setting off to kill the space emperor less from a stance of political responsibility or principles but more because Anaander ordered#her favorite human's death#which is funny because it's for Awn but it's also kind of framed as a pain against /her/ too#(by funny I mean sad)#Whereas when Murderbot really and finally leans into Revenge Murder. It's for ART. What people do against itself isn't really worth resent#But these people killed ART#and that's what really sparks a murder rampage#it's interesting characterization for everybody really#The Murderbot Diaries
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this comment has me tearing up like i literally cant imagine going through that i would've gone postal
#if i had watched all of mindcrack in real time and then had to sit through two years of nothing i would have lost it#etho would make an offhand comment about bdubs in his singleplayer world and i'd start crying#like ive seen some nasty cc breakups where theres obviously hurt feelings and bad blood and thats why two creators dont interact anymore#but that shits got nothing on watching two people who very obviously care about each other and enjoy making content together just. stop.#because it doesn't work anymore. man.#nothing in this world more heartbreaking than two ppl who love each other realizing they just don't fit into each others lives#bro if i was watching that shit in 2015 or w/e i would feel So Hopeless#like if these two can do everything right by and for each other and still just drift apart then#how can anyone have hope for meaningful relationships ykwim#but!! seeing it in retrospect is so. idk like it's such a good lesson in patience.#wait this is already getting so rambly but whats the fucking. whats the wilfred owen quote.#'you have fixed my life -- however short. you did not light me: i was always a mad comet;#but you have fixed me. i spun round you a satellite for a month#but i shall swing out soon#a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze.'#thats. thats the ethubs break to me.#ethubs is stored in the gay love letter wilfred owen sent to siegfried sassoon in 1917#where the fuck was i going with this
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no bc i always see videos that are like "info leaked by saesangs" and like. why are people so concerned with jungkook not being that innocent or taehyung vaping. like these are fully grown men, and just bc of this or that, it doesn't erase their personalities or the greatness they do or have done. in tae's case i understand being worried about his health, but if it's what he chose then what can we do. and in kookie's case, C'mon. he only pretends to be innocent and cute bc armies like that, it's the fanservice. i believe he can be cute while being away from the cameras, but what if he fucks a bit. gets a little bit of pussy. he's 25 let that man have a sexual life
#(saesangs are idol stalkers)#like. i have an uncle who smokes and he's still a great guy to be around#he even asks us to leave when he's about to smoke bc he's worried about us#like if taehyung doesn't smoke around non-smoking people and throws away the cigarrete in the right places#then Why Should I Worry#(also he doesn't even smoke it's vape right kfkfkfk)#yeah he's young yeah it'll damage his lungs and voice but again What Can We Do#the only people that could help him are his family and bts. maybe his managera#*managers. but these addiction things only work when the person themself want to stop#and it seems that. it isn't his case#why should we hate a man when he isn't hurting anyone but him. ''oh but he can't sing anymore'' stfu he's been singing for almost 10 years#even if i go on this ramble about tae. i'm still more mad about jungkook#OK HE FUCKS EVERY NIGHT WHAT ABOUT IT. HE'S STILL A GREAT DUDE#again if he isn't harming anyone and is using condoms and not negligecting any kids he helped make#Why Should Be Our Problem. let that man be cute and get pussy
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