#CAN I PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE . BE NORMAL ABOUT HTIS

[binalakai-archive]

ok lets face it . btw

if, god forbid, the crown does work, and simon turns back into ice king, ice king would be ABSOLUTELY overjoyed to see fionna n cake being real!!! and if he learned that the world he written about always has been real, that'd be even more joyous to find out!!!!!

mean thats what he's ALWAYS wanted, it'd be a dream come true if that happened!!!!!

why would he want anything else afterwards?

and why would he ever want fionna and cake, after all that, to go back in his head?

lets face it, even if simon gets what he wants and puts that crown on his head, ice king would NOT want fionna n cake to get back inside of his head. he hates existing alone inside his head, why would he ever want to subject those two to that again ? why would he go back to making his fantasy unreachable again?

the fionna and cake universe gave ice king a world where he will always be accepted no matter what, and the fionna n cake characters existed to give him that words of affection/affirmation of his existence in a world that has long gone grown out of him

why would ice king give that up for a lonelier existence?

EDIT: I was so wrong please stop rbing this post WBSHHSJWJSJWIEIEIWIW

[themirepirate]

Second age of flight phraxblr part 2

———————

🐾banderbearfriend Follow

about to preform a jailbreak! Update afterwards if alive 💖

943 notes

🏴‍☠️THEdeadboltVulpoon Follow

Another day another shrike slain

♻️🐦thegloryofmyfeathers Follow

another day another misogynistic and speciesist post from what is left of the skypirates legacy

♻️🏴‍☠️THEdeadboltVulpoon Follow

care to elaborate on that my drab feathered nemesis? How exactly. Is my post misogynistic and speciesist

♻️🪝thespyglassquartermaster Follow

please for the love of everything on the edge Captain stop responding to them I can’t watch you have the same argument for the twentieth time this week.

♻️🐦thegloryofmyfeathers Follow

you’re literally killing my innocent sisters and making posts mocking their noble deaths! You tell me???

♻️🏴‍☠️THEdeadboltVulpoon Follow

Innocent and noble are interesting ways to describe bloodthirsty Gloamglozer cursed slavers

♻️🪝thespyglassquartermaster Follow

no one ever listens to me. 115k notes

👻 thisghostisrobbingyoublind Follow

You don’t understand how much I rely on autocorrect. Bless whoever made autocorrect.

9k notes

🌩️ thedayturnstonightintheend Follow

WHY IS THERE A BLASTED SKYSHIP AT THE TOWER OF NIGHT???? I DIDNT SIGNUP FORTHISNGKFJ

♻️⭐️ guardiansarehot Follow

It’s a full on first age of flight skyship I didn’t realize they were so big?? ♻️🍄webfootfighter Follow

y’all can’t be serious. How in the name of earth and sky could a skyship still be flying in this day and age

♻️🐀 ilikeratbirds Follow

can concur, there is a skypirate ship attavkng the tower

apologies fr tyipos I’m typing this while runnning

♻️🏴‍☠️THEdeadboltVulpoon Follow

YES MY SKYPIRATE BRETHREN GO!!! BLAST THE BASTARDS TO OPEN SKY!!!!

♻️🏴‍☠️THEdeadboltVulpoon Follow

HTIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

421.8k notes

⛓️whynotkissatrog Follow

list of things that have happened on phraxblr recently;

One sided beef between two high ranking guardians

Orbix xaxis, high guardian of night has a phraxblr (horrifying)

the ghosts of screetown also have phraxblr (way less horrifying)

the armada captain deadbolt has enraged the entire shrike population again and they’re trying to claim he’s misogynistic and speciesist for not liking the fact they sell slaves. (normal)

♻️🪞ooooitsthemiror Follow

okay but deadbolt might actually be speciesist

♻️⛵️pirates_are_cool Follow

for the last time he’s stated before that if he ran into shrikes that weren’t evil he’d leave them alone. You’re just looking for a excuse to cancel someone who’s doing good in the world

♻️🪞ooooitsthemiror Follow

he literally kills people????

♻️🗻Stob_the_music Follow

Yeah, slavers.

♻️⌛️theundertowniest Follow

oh shut up you stupid earth scolar. Go lick some moss.

♻️🗻Stob_the_music Follow

if you’re going to insult me, at least have the decency to spell my profession right you sky blasted maggot infested corpse

♻️⛵️pirates_are_cool Follow

damn.

♻️✨mertyltripweed Follow

hot single slaughterers in your area! Click this link to hook up now!

♻️⚠️youandmeandwho? Follow

EVERYONE SHUT UP THE TOWER OF NIGHT IS UNDER ATTACK BY A SKYSHIP

♻️⛓️whynotkissatrog Follow

Time to update the list

130k notes

👻 thisghostisrobbingyoublind Follow

someone besides me has decided to mess with my enemy, today is good

8k notes

🐾banderbearfriend Follow

sorry for any alarm I may have caused any non-guardians! Anyway the jailbreak was successful! Unfortunately the captain was gravely injured. he’ll be fine though! I think, he kind of got carried away by a caterbird

♻️🐀ilikeratbirds Follow

I’m going to kill you one day.

♻️🐾banderbearfriend Follow

Not with that aim your not

♻️🕷️thehighguardiansfavorite Follow

suspicious of you to reblog a librarians post.

I’m on to you Xanth filatine.

♻️🐀ilikeratbirds Follow

Leddix. why do you keep trying to call me out on phraxblr of all places. Over the most ridiculous stuff as well. Please find some other coworker to plot against I am tired of your nonsense.

3k notes

👻 thisghostisrobbingyoublind Follow

We’ve looted and stolen and killed while the guardians were distracted. Suck it you superstitious clown your missing like a third of your slaves now.

21k notes

[lovediives]

can i have some fun facts about sumiko please :3 🤲🤲

HI KIT!! OFC!! if this gets long, my bad. i sometimes get a little insane about my own inserts and their lore because its based off so many dreams and studying. THANK U FOR ASKING BTW!!

sumiko was born as li fānguá, but to assimilate better into japan, she goes by sumiko. (any pronouns, she/they/he) he doesn't... really like being in japan but they have no choice now. and they became a demon slayer to protect her younger brother after their host family basically left them for dead. they are a reincarnation of k0kus wife and all of her rage and hurt from being left by him when he decided to run off and become a fuckass demon. sumiko is now the rainbow hashira!

ONTO THE FUNFACTS!!

sumiko is related to muichiro! not like close, close, but sumiko is technically muichiro's great, great, great (how many) grandma! since well sumiyo (her past life) and michi had kids who had kids. you know what i mean. i am so smart. muichi is very close so sumiko and kinda sees her like a mother figure. sumiko shows the same motherly love and tries her best to protect and guide him. wants him to eat his vegetables and treats him to sweets when she can. the only other two she shows htis same energy towards is nezuko and tanji

she's the same height as shinobu *4'11! the only difference is that she's stronger than her. sumiko understands shinobu. but she isnt a therapist and she will not play the role of a therapist so she doesn't... bother telling shinobu about her understanding or even trying to help her emotionally. thats.. not her problem LMFAO.

tried to kill giyu. its.. a long story. but after seeing nezuko and tanjiro and how giyu protected them. she kinda went ballistic and tried to choke giyu in his sleep. she stopped herself when she realized what she was doing and apologized to him. they never told anyone what happened. but he ends up avoiding giyu as much as possible ever since the incident.

i have main character syndrome, but ill gloss over it bc of embarrassment. but he has special blood. so muuuzan took an interest in him and took him into the infinity castle for experimenting and figuring out how he can use it. (if sumiko dies, the blood loses all of its special attributes) this is how he's reunited with k0kushibo who recognizes him instantly. sumiko willingly went with muuumuuu

sumiko gets along well with akaza and nakime. strangely enough has a lot of respect for them and doesn't try to cause any problems with them. uhm avoids doma cause he knows what doma does in his spare time and doesn't want to end up next. (although sumiko considers just.. dying at one point out of guilt and feeling like he betrayed everyone)

lets end on smth happy cause this shit is angsty as fuck. he really likes noodles. theyre his favorite in the entire world. (what kind of noodles? everything related to it.) its really cute because everyone sees him happily slurping at it and they tease him about it because he doesnt normally seem so happy like that. he used to share meals with muichi, rengoku, and mitsuri the most! despite everything, he does have friends! (....only two... which...are mitsuri and rengoku....) (his ass is so lonely and its his FAULTT STOP ACTING LIKE THAT AND BE NORMAALLL)

yeah thats it. imma stop here before it gets way too long yippieee!

[breserker]

ok i'm really not kidding i could hold 5 socratic seminars on silent hill 4** and if i did here's what they'd be:

Henry Townshend - Social Anxiety and the Hikkikomori PART 1: Recluse by Nature

Walter Sullivan - Social Anxiety and the Hikkikomori PART 2: Recluse by Wish Fulfillment

Eileen Galvin - Societal Narrative of Motherhood and its Inherent Misogyny

Environmental Storytelling - Saying Everything While Saying Nothing

The Horror of Normality - ABSTRACT: Societal pressures to perform, achieve, or have a prerequisited normality not only inherently outcast individuals based on factors they cannot control but on top of that will allow various structures of power to condition discontent in a manner that better serves their own purposes, using the discontented to do the power structure's bidding on the false promise of achieving some aspect of normality "if they only had xyz to salve the deep wound abnormality in society has afforded them". AKA: ain't it interesting that the first 3 protags had some darkness in their hearts or effective reason to be in silent hill but henry and eileen don't, and by walter's estimations they have been othered as "the normal" even though especially in henry's case you can argue that he isn't societally normal, actually, revealing a flaw in that worldview (thematically) and after the events of the game eileen isn't either, showing that that worldview is fragile and aqueous in its capacity to change on a heel-turn, thus making everyone vulnerable in a society that hierarchy's itself upon the accepted normal and the unaccepted abnormal. isn't that fucked up. you are not immune to the ills of society even if you benefit from them at some point in your life.

B-B-B-BONUS ROUND: IF YOU LIKE SILENT HILL 4 YOU MUST WATCH KUROSAWA KIYOSHI'S 2001 MASTERPIECE PULSE (回路: KAIRO) THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

IF YOU THINK SILENT HILL 4 HAD INTERESTING THEMES BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE BREADTH TO EXPLORE THEM WATCH PULSE (回路: KAIRO). IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE SILENT HILL 4 WATCH PULSE (回路: KAIRO). IF YOU LIKE @wishhouse-in-your-soul's ROLE REVERSAL AU YOU'LL--idk ther'es a good 15 or 20 minutes you'll be like yes this is what that internet poster was talking about in a way BUT STILL WATCH PULSE (回路: KAIRO) i'm fucking BEGGING YOU PLEASE

**don't take htis post that seriously always understand that indepth academic reads are rarely comprehensive of every possible angle a story can have these are just the ones i can go on for hours about.

but DO take that you MUST WATCH PULSE (回路: KAIRO) seriously

[everything-laito]

In theory, if Laito was human, how do you think he would have turbed out instead? Because clearly in the supernaturals they don't seek help nor is it recommended. But for humans it is clearly recommended that you sort your issues out if you want to survive in the society. Laito would sinply be almost forced to see the error of his ways plus he would most likely be accused of harrassments and/or rape (I'd actually like a very long analysis on this because I find this an interesting concept lol)

Alrighty anon! I’ll try to make it a long one. Just the length usually varies with the ask but I’ll go as in depth as I can with this one as requested!

So let’s start off with the thing I’ve mentioned quite a bit on this blog: the power dynamic between Laito and Yui/his other victims. The reason why he has so much power on top of his mind games is that he is physically stronger than Yui by a LONG shot. There’s absolutely no way (that Yui sees) that she can physically beat him. So he takes advantage of that. Most abusers in real life do the same thing too: preying on weaker people. “Weak” in this sense can be weak mentally, emotionally, physically, or having weak connections (little or no connections with others). So from that point, Laito being human would definitely be a bit of a game changer, but if he’s as smart as a human as he is a vampire, he still has a lot of tricks up his sleeve.

I wouldn’t say that not seeking help is a vampire thing. We don’t know a lot about vampire culture who aren’t nobles. All the vampires in the game are higher class vampires. Although I’ve seen some characters be like “it’s a vampire thing,” I have an inkling that most characters (except Shu of course) haven’t interacted with people who aren’t nobles. Laito says that killing for vampires is how you express love, but the only people I’ve heard say that has been Laito and Cordelia (However please please correct me if I’m wrong on this), and we know that Laito gets a lot of his “morals” from Cordelia. We really don’t know a lot about vampire society like we think we do.

Same goes for people in real life, humans. The rich lead lives that are very different from most of us. A lot is kept hush hush about celebrities and rich people, not to mention that lifestyle must be very suffocating. On top of that, we still have a stigma in our societies today that therapy/getting emotional help is “bad.” I recently heard that my roommate’s brother said he wouldn’t go to therapy cuz it’s a “liberal thing.” Like bruh. No, getting therapy is not political. But we make it a political issue for some reason, despite it being there for everyone and we should normalize it as such. On top of that, many people brush off many rich people’s emotional health issues, because “they have money.” Sure money can get you a lot of things, but having that much money or at least those very high expectations can put a lot of different emotional stresses on someone.

So I believe it would still work for Laito in that manner. He’s nobility, and this seems like old fashioned nobility too. People having mental illnesses and getting treated for them was out of the question and taboo to talk about. Not to mention having a sexual abuse scandal. So I think that Laito would be coerced into not saying anything if he had the option of getting help somehow. I’m still unsure why he stayed silent about it. I don’t think he ever said why, but I have an inkling it’s because he didn’t want Ayato or Kanato to worry about him + he didn’t know how to say what happened + he didn’t know what was happening was bad. Those are my theories though.

I don’t think he’d be able to see the error of his ways because growing up in that family, he was very isolated. People higher up are still isolated from what happens to the lower classes, or simply just don’t care about it, or it’s just normalized. A big example is sexual abuse and harassment in the workplace done by CEOs of companies. Or sexual abuse scandals involving priests. Both are in positions of higher power and use that power to abuse. It’s more of a control fetish for them, and on top of that they weren’t taught to respect other people (specifically women and children). It doesn’t seem like the diaboy families are taught that, given their backgrounds. I’ve also mentioned before that it would be very very hard for Laito to get convicted of sexual harassment and assault in real life. I answered that part of this ask here which is also a lengthy ish doozy as well. Feel free to read the whole thing, but I’ll highlight htis paragraph here:

When it comes to real life, many people in power don’t get easily called out. That’s why the #MeToo movement was so amazing, because it gave sexual abuse victims a chance to stand up for themselves against their abusers who they were silenced by. When it comes to political and powerful figures, they definitely use hush money, blackmail, or other means to not let this information get out to “taint” its brand. Or even so, when it comes to any type of abuse, abusers know how to silence a lot of their victims so they don’t talk to anyone about this through manipulation. It’s a lot more nuanced than this.

So no, I don’t believe Laito would get convicted of his crimes, even if he was a human.

Hope that was long enough for you! If you would like me to elaborate on anything else or have any questions, please let me know!

[teamred]

beautiful stranger

summary: you sneakily take photos of a cute boy on the train to send to your friend. when the cute boy sits down next to you, you realize you weren’t as sneaky as you thought you were. pairing: peter parker x reader warnings: fluff, mild language word count: 1.7k words

prompt: “I was trying to take a sneaky picture of you because i told my friend about the hot guy on the train and she wanted to see but you totally noticed and yeah this is awkward” au from here

gif created by me, please credit if using

is it illegal to be this cute????

You texted your friend on the way home from school, hiding your face in your phone while sitting on the subway. Only a few steps away from you, a beautiful boy in a blue sweater grasped onto the pole as he listened to music. He stepped onto the train a few stops ago and now, you couldn’t stop staring. 

istg im sweating n dying from the close proximity of his presence 

hes not even that close

is htis normal?????

Slowly peeking up, you stole another glance at the boy. His attention drifted to his phone while your eyes danced over his sharp jawline and strong features, which contradicted against his overall sweet face. 

Saying he was beautiful was an understatement. You were so drawn to him, like a moth to a flame.  

Suddenly, he began to smile and laugh from whatever he was doing on his phone. Your heart burst then and there, causing you to hold your phone close to your chest in hopes it would contain the invisible chaos. Your friend texted you back:  

-!!! send me a pic!!! let me see!!!

fine okay gimme a sec

Lifting your phone up a bit, you angled it enough to get a decent shot of the boy, but not too high to make it obvious. You attempted to take the picture as if you were taking a selfie. Although a bit difficult since the train rattled casually, you successfully took the photo and even had extra shots to send to your friend.

-okay he pretty cute 

-u should say smth!!! 

?? what would i say “hi i think ur cute lets go out sometime”??

-yea??? thats how meeting ppl works?? 

As you texted your friend back, the person sitting beside you stood up, ready to leave the train. Without moving your head, your eyes darted to the empty seat. Then, you glimpsed at the boy, who seemed to be making his way towards you. Your phone practically fell out of your hands when you replied:  

omg the seat next to me is empty i think hes going to sitdown 

-make ur movE OR ELSE U WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

-DONT BE A PUSSY!!

You tried your hardest to pretend you were preoccupied with your phone, but all you could do was wait for the handsome stranger to sit down. Without looking up, you heard the boy ask the lady standing in front of you if she would like to have the seat, but she politely declined. The pounding in your ears was too difficult to ignore, but you still tried your best to drown it out. It felt like forever before he sat down next to you. 

You weren’t even sure which app you were scrolling on at this point and you really couldn’t care less either. All you could think about was your friend’s text. 

Make your move. Make your move. Make your move or else-

“Hi.”

You froze, unsure if you heard a voice. You glanced around before your sight landed on the attractive figure next to you. The spotlight was all on you, with his earphones off and a smile plastered across his face as wide as a football field. Was he actually talking to you?  

“Hi.” 

Your eyes fluttered as fast as your heart in an attempt to look into his sparkling, brown eyes.     

He leaned a little closer to you. If you weren’t sweating already, you definitely were sweating now. Did you remember to wear antiperspirant today? You clenched your hands in a fist, with your phone still in hand, fighting against the urge to check. 

“Can I ask you something?” he whispered. Of course he had a sweet voice to match his face. You nodded. 

“Do I have something on my face?” 

Tilting your head in confusion, you shook your head in response. “No, I don’t see anything.” 

The boy sighed a relief, relaxing into his seat a bit. “Phew, that’s good. Just wanted to make sure I look good for my picture.” 

“Hm?” 

The mysterious boy gestured towards your phone. He came in closer to whisper again—

“Rule #1 of the Selfie Rulebook: you should always try different angles to get the lighting right. You kinda just stuck your phone out in one direction and that was it.” 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He knew. 

“Well, what if I’m confident in my selfie angling? Maybe this is my best side.” You held your phone out, mocking yourself from moments earlier. You were already caught, may as well die with the lie as long as you can.  

He chuckled.

It really was illegal to be this cute. 

“Then I can’t really argue with you. Please take my most humble apologies, oh, Selfie Master.” The boy placed a hand on his chest, dipping his head as if bowing. 

Almost instantaneously, defeat took over your body. You placed your palms against your face, covering yourself in shame. Maybe if you held still long enough, the embarrassment would fade and the cute boy would forget what happened.  

“Was I that obvious?” you groaned behind your palms.

“Only to me.” 

You peeked through the slit of your fingers to find him still smiling at you. 

“Why’d you take photos of me? Art project on collecting photographs of beautiful things? I had to do that once.” 

You wondered what (or who) he took photographs of for his art project. If this conversation didn’t end in flames, maybe you could ask him. Your hands drooped down, resting upon your thighs.  

“To be honest,” you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, ready to confess. “My friend was curious about this cute guy I noticed on the subway. I needed proof to validate my taste in men.” 

After a moment to exhale, with your eyes still closed, you heard him reply:  

“Well, let me say that your taste in men is impeccable.” 

Opening your eyes, despite the warmth that radiated from your cheeks, you smiled shyly. Taking a chance, you introduced yourself and held your hand out. 

“I’m Peter,” he took your hand in his and shook it. Both of you lingered on the shake longer than expected, causing you two to giggle.  

“Which school do you go to?” you asked. 

“Midtown Tech. You?”

“Same!” 

“Really?” Peter wrinkled his eyebrows. “I haven’t seen you around before.” 

“Just transferred,” you shrugged in response. 

“Well, if you ever need help with anything, I’m always happy to help. Well, not anything, but, I mean,” he scrunched his nose while rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m always here. To help. With things. Most things.” 

Laughter filled the air between you two. You opened your mouth, but stopped in your tracks when you noticed your stop was coming up soon. Just because you two went to the same school, it didn’t mean that you would ever bump into each other, especially in the sea of a few thousand other kids. It was now or never to make your move. 

“I’d love to stay and chat, but my stop’s coming up soon. I don’t normally do this, but do you want to exchange numbers and maybe meet up for coffee or something?” The words spilled so quickly from you, you weren't sure if Peter caught everything. He stared blankly at you for a moment and you almost repeated yourself when he said— 

“Definitely.” 

In a hurry, you practically dropped your phone into his hand. His fingers breezed over your phone as he typed in his info before handing it back to you. You were about to text him to ensure it was the correct number, but you saw that he already did so. The name Peter Parker was at the top of the conversation and a “Hi!” stared back at you. 

“Got your text,” Peter held up his phone as confirmation. Unwillingly, you stood up, beaming down at him, and adjusted your backpack over your shoulder. 

“Where do you have to get off?”  

“Actually,” Startling you, he stood up too. “My stop passed already.” 

With your mouth agape, you shook your head. “Wait, what? Why didn’t you-” 

“I wanted to find out the name of the pretty girl who was taking my picture,” He mirrored you, adjusting the strap of his backpack over his shoulder as well. “but I’m glad I got more than I bargained for.” 

Your mind couldn’t compute what Peter was saying; all you could do was blink incoherently. The train slowed down as you walked towards the doors with Peter trailing behind you. Both of you stepped off towards an empty side of the station near a rusty pillar.   

“Well, I have to get to the other side,” Peter gestured towards the platform across from you. Still in awe, you smacked your lips together and nodded. “It was really nice meeting you. Hopefully, we can see each other soon. Get home safe.” 

His cheeks puffed from his emerging soft smile. You died a little on the inside. 

“You too, Peter. I’ll see you around.” 

You rushed away down the stairs, bolting away from what felt like a dream. At the edge of the entrance of the station, you paused abruptly to check your phone. 

-??? WHAT HAPPENED TELL Me

-dont leave me hanging like this!!!

According to the timestamps of the texts between you and your friend, the whole interaction with Peter lasted a mere ten minutes. You chuckled in disbelief as you answered your friend: 

i have the number for one (1) peter parker!!

he goes to midtown too!!! 

and he thinks i’m Pretty 

-!!!!!!!!

-im so proud of u!!!!!!

In the middle of replying, you had a notification of a text from none other than Peter. 

*Hi! Long time no talk. 

*I don’t want to come off as impatient or weird, but is it too early to text you? Should I wait? 

*(If so, we can pretend these texts never happened in the first place…)

He wasn’t even there anymore, but your cheeks tingled once again. With a grin, you said: 

(((you can text me only if we pretend i didnt take pictures of you on the train)))

You placed your phone back into your pocket and walked home, still revelling in all the events that just occurred. Coming up to your house, you opened up Peter’s response—

*Deal :)  

[colorisbyshe]

dont respond if u dont want 2 talk abt this but, im convinced that half the reason why cmb*n was so popular was bc it gave straight girls (and some gay boys for sure) material to fantasize (fetishize) abt timothee chalamete being gay

It got so popular because it was a way for straight people to pretend to give a fuck about gay stories while still only having to focus on straight, white pretty boys

The story or even the way it was told wasn’t special. It didn’t challenge any conception of gayness the audience might have, in fact it might have reaffirmed a lot of bad things the audience might have assumed about gay people (like weird deviant sex like “leaving a peach looking like a rape victim” and closeted gay people using women as beards/to cheat and... predatory age gaps... they’re just lucky the movie didn’t include the SCAT SCENE from the book). It didn’t do anything new. It was apolitical

It was just cinematic and had two pretty boys in it, so people used it as a way to pretend they cared about gay people. It’s a ~light hearted romance but the gays don’t get to be TOO happy, so you don’t have to delve into actual gay conflicts, just... an adult man sneaking around with a child (with parental approval... in 1980s Italy, lol).

It’s visually pleasing gay tragedy, hand crafted for cishet consumption.

And, of course, gay people flocked to it a. because of pretty boys and b. because what the fuck else do we have when 90% of our content is fucked up in some way? Not to mention c. a lot of younger gay people can, unfortunately, relate to essentially being Elio and haven’t yet processed how fucked up it was.

And, also, unfortunately, a lot of people like that it’s “taboo.” Some people use it being about gayness (also taboo) to normalize the age gap too--if we can accept the gays, we can accept the creeps because they’re the same thing. Creeps love that htis movie is loved.

And, a lot of brain rot gay people, think that if you criticize the age gap, it’s a slippery slope to criticizing gay people.

So, y’unno, a fucking train wreck.

This is why we need more gay content in the mainstream because time and time again I see projects with gay people that do NOT deserve it being held up as some golden standard and it’s literally because they’re the only gay thing happening.

We need to decentralize fucked up stories like this

[littlebabycrybtch]

internet pleading session number 2 billion;;; for the love of god stop allowing ableism. stop leaving disability and mental illness allyship out of your activism. im dealing with this shit EVERY SINGLE day and so much of it is just inexcusable laziness and selfishness on the part of ignorant self proclaimed activists like. holy shit it is getting so. Unbearably fucking bad. i dont understand how ppl in modern day are letting it get this bad. its never been Good obviously but its like,,, we were being included in activism topics for a while and gaining a lot of traction with everybody else when all of a sudden smth happened (cringe culture) ((aka the normalization of validating whiny unnecessary judgments)) and we got totally left behind and ppl even turned on us. wtf like?? whats wrong with us when was there a meeting where yall unanimously decided we’re being kicked out of the ‘caring abt this groups Oppression’ board like. a lot of yall CONTRIBUTE TO IT? what right do you feel you have to act this way to us?????? holy shit stop abandoning us please im begging this shit is too hard to deal with like stop idk what on gods green fucking earth we are actually doing to you to make yall turn on us like htis and leave us and our oppression at Your Hands completely out of your mind but im tired of the utter disrespect and disregard for what i deal with. i fucking hate it here like jkshdfjksdf yall its hell enough to just Be autistic and/or psychotic .... its almost unfathomably cruel to just. be SO hateful abt that and not give a shit. idc if its weird or makes you uncomfortable bitch ur grown get over it!! im the one dealing with it firsthand!!!! ive had too many crying meltdowns asking why i was ‘made like this’, wondering what kind of punishment im going through to be put somewhere i literally am not meant to be, where every part of how i work is different than most other people, where im told to exist where nothing exists for me and no one will care, just to have everybody talking about ‘progress’ while they let ableism run literally RAMPANT with people saying the r word and making memes out of our severe psychological distress and trauma. 

idc what anybody says about that stupid ass faux offense ‘you cant compare oppressions’ topic anymore bc tbh i NEED YOU , im begging bc i NEED YOU TO HELP ME AND SUPPORT ME for gods sake, and i dont really KNOW how to DO that anymore so like. yes im ‘comparing’ ableism to other shit yall care about, and asking outright why you Presume you get to think we’re different. why our history of forced lifelong imprisonment in asylums, our eugenics and experimentation, our still modern day medical abuse, parental abuse, and social abuse, is Different and Does Not Have To Matter Just Bc You Dont Want It To. if you can call people out for saying other slurs you can call out the r slur! you literally are showing you have the capabilities to do this, but just dont care abt us specifically!! that's FUCKED and you should know it!! if you openly fight back against disrespect towards the minorities you respect, but laugh at or even are part of the people mocking the cringe nd people, you are a self serving piece of shit!! we deserve respect. we deserve basic human respect no matter what, and we deserve more considering how much blood yall allistics and non psychotics have on your hands. i mean for gods sake how is that ignored, how does our shit mean absolutely Nothing to you!!! its one thing to have to deal with it, to be blatantly shown OVER and OVER again how LITTLE people can care, how they cant even BRING themselves to TOLERATE caring... thats whats so damaging. thats the real shit that makes me wish i wasnt me or wasnt here, bc god... i KNOW i cant even SAY smth like that, like ‘i wanna die’ without someone out there reading fighting back a giggle. without expecting an insult. cuz im an embarassing fucking r*tard whos display of feelings is just fucking weird and uncomfortable for people. im a stupid weird ass different ass bitch and no one feels they should have to care abt anything im going through bc im not easy to vibe with. and especially when my pleas for respect are like This, long and ranty and ~irrational~. bro. i try. how. the fuck am i supposed to Stay rational. im being Tormented day in and day out, and left to my own devices by ppl i thought would stay by my side. i feel like im losing my mind dealing with this alone......... so my question is, to all the ppl who call themselves a decent person. where are you hiding from this topic. where on earth ARE you guys lmao fuck

[ifightmywarswithfingerguns]

People say life teaches you the hardest lessons of all and you shoudl learn from those lessons. (insert qupte herer) However, I feel that it isn't life teaching you it is you, you tech yourself these things because they're your experiences and only you can decide how you feel and how you want to live your life. Yes, these are always outside influences. Up the unlimited decisions are always made.by you and you're the one who has to live with said decisions. No one else I the world knows what you want and no one else but you knows how you feel. So why shouldn't the person who is with yo the most by the one who lobes you the most? Life is full of old but I feel the most important love one should feel is the love for themselves. How much you love yourself depends on how you perceive yourself and who you think you are. If you base your self perception on the feelings of others you'll always be unsure of who you are because you are differ t and hold different meanings for different people. Your mother sees a different person than your best friend and you teacher may know more about you than the. Other combined but only you know who you all. Who you are is. On prized of all these things, it is the whole picture not just the pieces taken by different people.

A lot of this perception takes place in our own minds because how we see ourselves is reflected in all of our actions, someone who feels poorly about themselves may nto stand as straight or walk with a certain swager as soemone else who is confident in themselves. And in today's world with the ever constant attack on your girls in the media I find it more difficult to find girls who can honestly say they lvoe themselves and take pride in how intelligent, beautiful, and witty they are. If you ask a woman if they are aware of their beauty they shy away and find 50 things ":wrong" with themselves within twenty seconds because they have a list in their heads of their flaws. It is alwyas there when we're out buying clothes or watching a movie there is a pressure to look, act, and dress adn certian way to be considered attractive. Go to the store and pick up a tabloid and i gaurentee you'll see it plastered everywhere of "how to loose weiht, makeup tips to look better, and hwo to get/please a man." We are tarught that it is our goal to confomr to what the male gaze desrires fom us adn become that no matter how unrealistic. I vividly rememebr thinking if i read all the magazines and dress like them and looked like them aht boys owuld like me and i would be completley happy with every aspect of my life. Thankfully that never happened because I am a different person nwo and how I fel about myself is how every girl/woman shold feel about herself and that is loved. Every woman should love herself for all that shee is because all the media we see isn't real and none of it will ever make you happy with yourself. The media is made that way to make you spend money trying to look like these women who are photoshopped or diet and starve themelves in order to look the wway they do. It is a vicious cycle but it is on ethat can be broken. So that little girls don't grow up and skip meals because it'll make tem prettier. So they grow up to be women who own thier bodies prudly and aren't afraid to say "yes, i am beautiful.". I love body positivity and sein women lvoe thier bodesi no matter how much hair, fat, or stretch marks they have on them. I also love seing women complimenting each other instead of competing to be the prettiest in the room to gain male attention. There is so much propoganda tearing women down that it is empowring and heatwarming to see them wake up and shun the idea that they should be anythin other than what they are. That they should o to extremes to "fit in". Quit frankyl if you don't love yourself of rall that you are you will never be happy ith how you look there will alwyas be somethin ot be fixed. As soon as oyu stop lookin on the ouside for balidatio your life will imporve and your confidence wil improve because if you build youself up with the compliments from men thier criticisms will tear you down. So you become your own bricks abd rebuild yourself and your self image to one taht you like. So you take a look inside yourself and hwo you are to amke taht person better and make thsat person one who loves themelf. 

I am so adament about htis because I was trapped in the world of pandering to the male gze and constnaly fhanign my appreacne to get them to like me which  nveer worked or bsing my self confience on how others saw me and i was miserable. I was depressed, suicidial, and quite frankly i ahted myself and my body image. I still  struggle with my body image because it has been engraved into my brain dn way of thiking of hwo i hsould look adn i have to stop myself form thinmkin gthat way. I am admaent about his becaue i wasted years of my life and destroyed my body for a peive of mind i never got. I am a recovering annorexic and although it has been four years since i "quit" it has never left me. It is an ever looming shadow on my life because it is a constant thing when you have it. I was always counting calories and doing anything not to eat to avoid gaining weight. I exercised excessivly and i remember almost passing out at every workout session i would go to because i hadn't eaten htat day. I had a system of going three days without eating and on the third day maintaing a one-thousand calorie limit. It was toture but i was losing weiht and i gauged the weight by how easily you could see my bones. I pradiesd myself everytime i could see them a little bit more. I cursed myself whenever I did eat on the third day calling myself names like fat, worthless, and weak. Not only di di curse myself i punished myself for eating so much with mroe exercise or waiting an extra day to eat. I thin that was the biggest struglle of all, eating. Every bite felt like i was getting fatter and it was as trule ot force myself to eat a single bite. Every swallow felt like it was stuck in my throat and like i should go vomit ot keep it from getting ot my stomach. it was an awful feeling in multiple asy but mainly becase i love food i love eating and tastin things but i oculdn't llow myself the one htin i lvoed. An incidnet i had where i felt the weakest were When my mother made my favorite mamwhich which i love to death but i couldn't brin myself to eat it even though th esmell was intoxicating. So i went o bed with no dinner that night to get up in the morning and get ready for shcool. I wasso desperate for it i got a spoon adn just tastd it. It was loruious they savyory and salty i even chewed it a little bit but i could not le tmyself swallow it. So i we tot eh sink and spat it out and even went as far as to wsh ti task out my mouth because i couldn't even swallow that it woud be cheating. It was constant and thw rost part was i ot compliments on ym weiht loss. The compliments pushed me to continue even further because i knew it was working. I thrived off of the compliment sbecause it meant my heard work was paying off. Adn you don't get that kind ofprasie from reovery you get digusted looks like " you really let youserlf go". Or irls would be nasty in school like the usually are and i heard comment on haw faat i've gotten and horrible giggles from these gaggles of girls. Recovery is one of ht e toughtest things I ever had to go through and i had to go through it alone because no one knew about it. I coudn't let anyone know about my anorexica and peopel to this day don't know abut it because i kpeti tso well hidden. Although my eatin habits are back and i'm at a normal weigh tnow i still feel the thoughts creep up on me. i still ahe htoughts of "wow you're fat" and i have to tell myelf "yes, i have fat but i'm happy and fat is not a negative thing ot be. Fat is not a person or a noun it is an adjective to describe something and shoudn't define my entie person and how i fel abiout myself. i have fat and taht is kay and the more i accept that the happier i am with myself and the tiem i spent worryign about hwo i looked turned into learnign about why i felt that way and learnig more about myself and the wordl aroudn em. In the years since my recovery I have become mroe eduacted and acepting and aware of the world around me and I feel better for it. I feel mroe empathethic adn it gives me hope fora brihter future where i can be even better than the prson taht i am nw. I always want to learnadn grow ad I hope to ive that experince to someon eelse via my time in college and far after. I want ot encourage women to love themselves and every part of them becaue they desreve to. Because no one should have to go through what i went thorugh and because these girls are worth much mre than thier measurments. They are doctors htey are mothers they are terachers and daughters firefighers senators and presidnets. Women are amazing and capable creatures who deserve to feel some self love  and that is not soomething life will teach you. that is something you ahve to teaf. to love yousrelf deeply and with no bounds. The love the should feel for thiemselves should equal the ones they read about in reomance novels  unconditional.  It took some a long time to get where I am in loving self and who I am and I even falter sometimes when I overheard mean comments and I start to think badly of myself. I have to physically and mentally stop myself and dispute whatever it is that was said about me because I can't let myself jnternalize it. If I internalize it Nd take their opinion a truth I begin to be,I e it and become self deprecating. And now that I am in a better place i still see. Y peers whose still I the negative space that I was in and I even hear my mother and sister picking at their bodies and h Ow they wish they were different or skinnier. And I want to explain how it is a via thing to search for and to try to be. Skinny and healthy do no correlate nor does skinny and happy. It is a long process to love yourself. It is a daily regime of stopping negTive behaviors and correcting them. Small comments like oh I'm so fat or I couldnstandtk lose weight wear your self sped teem. It's about stopping yourself from those thoughts and placing them with I'm amazing and wonderful. Another thing is a denoting compliments 9/10 women will deny any compliments as if they aren't true but accepting them is accepting yourself and agreeing that ueah I am cute or adorable or whatever it is. I never wit any girls to go through the struggle that I went through especially. Yniece. These little things these Mir agrees ions add up over time and really affect how you see yourself and it starts at a young age. Children can be cruel especially she it comes to weight and Eve. Adults are cruel. I remember as a child it was a joke in the family how fat I was but it really stuck with me as I grew up that this I show people see me and bow people see me matters. And I've learned that it doesn't that it is how I see myself and how I h

[quackspot]

Can i get uhhhh fire spirit and piss cookie

sorry i forgot about htis (kinda symbolic huh SFKLJFL) but!! time to get workin heheusifjkg

Sparkling Cookie, knowing a visitor would come, kept his doors opened a little longer than he usually did. Maybe we was late?

Then, arm-in-arm, two cookies came in. One was much larger than the other, both wore capes, and both were happy.

“Give us a drink, merry young sir!” They sang.

“Are you two okay? Vampire, you don’t normally sing.” Sparkling tilted his head. He then looked over at the taller cookie. “I didn’t expect you to be the type to sing.”

“I love singing!” Fire Spirit indignantly retorted, taking his arm out of Vampire’s to put both hands on his chest. “And I’m pretty great at it too, right?”

“Yeah!” Vampire cheered. 

“You’re right.” Sparkling chuckled. “Anyways, what would you two like?”

“You know. You know, Sparkling. You know what I’d like.” Vampire sat down, a cocky look on his face.

“Oh? You want water? Some water?”

“Wine, dumbass.” The vampire crossed his arms and huffed.

“I’m alright with anything, as long as it’s hot, like you.” Fire Spirit winked.

“No need to flirt, you’re still getting full price. Maybe a kiss, if you’re lucky.”

“But I’m a legendary!”

“Yeah, he’s a legendary! Where’s my wine?” 

“I’m getting to it, and being a legendary doesn’t matter. I still have other standards.” Sparkling grabbed a bottle and started to mix ingredients.

“What’s your standards?”

“I know them! You meet them all.” Vampire pretended to check off standards with his fingers before realizing he doesn’t have any. “Holy fuck... I don’t have fingers.” He started to tear up.

“Hey! It’s okay! None of us have fingers.” Fire Spirit patted Vampire, Sparkling joined in. They brushed hands, but both didn’t react.

“Look, Vampire, it’s your wine!” Sparkling handed it over to Vampire, who instantly started to chug it down. “Now, for your spicy drink...”

“It doesn’t need to be spicy, though that’s great, it just needs to be hot. Nothing cold.”

“What, do you want some warm milk?”

“Warm isn’t good enough. I could drink lava, but nothing warm.”

“Ah! You’re looking for something like that. I don’t have anything of that sort, but I can get you something spicy and a little cold.”

“I guess that’ll work, as long as we get to make out or something afterwards.”

“Alright!” Sparkling began to prepare the drink. 

“Hey, Vampire,” Fire Spirit dropped his voice to a whisper, “what are Sparkling’s standards?”

“I hardly remember them, I just know you meet ALL of them!” Vampire fell out of his chair. “Ow, fuck... That shit hurted...” He slowly got back up.

“It’s done! The drink is finished. No need to talk about my standards, since you’re gonna get a kiss, anyways.” Sparkling handed a drink to both of the cookies. Both started to chug them down (Fire Spirit did go a bit slower, though).

“You ready? I’ve kissed many cookies and all of them loved it.” Fire Spirit put himself on the other side of the counter to be face to face with sparkling. He was slightly hovering to be at a higher height.

“Well, it’s easy to please cookies with low standards,” Sparkling teased.

Instead of replying, Fire Spirit carefully placed his lips against Sparkling, starting a make-out session.

“Get a room!” Vampire Cookie joked before they fell over. He looked over the counter and backed up. 

“Sheesh, couples these days.” Vampire walked out of the bar with whatever wine he could grab.

[nyanphobic-moving]

hey.

my name is nemu, im sort of in a jam right now.

i work with a dance studio that i have been dancing with for years now, and they have informed me that they were “under no impression that i wanted to be paid” for my work as an instructor.

i guess this is what i get for not signing any contracts.

while i only worked once a week, i expected to be able to pool together enough money from that + rien’s parent’s business + the movie theater but ive been worked so rarely and its been absolute hell to try and get hours.

so. heres the issue.

im not only black, but i have exceedingly thick hair. i cant get my hair done at normal salons, and because of that, its REALLY expensive, and i have to stay for more than six hours each time to get it done. its fucking terrible and absolute hell, and its EXPENSIVE.

i havent had my hair done since march, its currently a rats nest and i cant get into it at all, knots are everywhere no matter how hard ti try to rake through them, and its almost getting to big to fit a damn cosplay wig over. im in so much pain because of it, and riens parents refuse to let me shave it off (Fucking nonblacks)

i need a little under $300 so i can get a weave installation and stop damaging my natural hair REALLY BADLY with intense relaxing chemicals that barely work with my thick hair.

i know it might take a while, but i could really use some help. if you want, i could critique something of yours (music, art, writing, etc.) as i have a few semesters of semi-professional critical training? or i could draw you a sketch of a character? or write you fics of anything i know about? or do a vocaloid cover of any vocaloid song you want?

im pretty damn desperate. but if you want anything out of your donation, feel free to contact me? my work at the theater doesnt like it when i wear wigs and so i really need to get htis done asap so i can go back to work.

im autistic and disabled while being black, tthis shit isnt easy, im really trying my best. please help me

my paypal is tempaypants@gmail.com (DONT USE MY OLD PAYPAL its been shut down for some stupid reason)

thank you, signal boost?

$0/$300

[thedegenerateasexual]

so now we're w/ scott and allison in the woods and scott is like highkey having an anxiety issue he keeps using his wolf eyes and wondering if derek can get to allison from here bc he doesn't want derek near her and where is jackson and can they leave yet

scott dimly remembers hearing about the fire, says he would have been ten years old when it happened - that aligns with the timeline they were trying to give us in s1 & s2, that the fire was six years ago

they decide to check in with lydia before going further bc they'll have to tresspass on private hale property to do so and scott texts stiles while allison's on the phone and he uses phrases like "u" and "kk" it's so cute

"Allison hung up. She had the world's longest eyelashes." scott please

like that is. ON THE MONEY. what s1 scott acts like. it's so fucking funny

remember when it was trendy to hate this quality in scott?? bad bad bad

lmao allison trying to comfort lydia about jackson not checking in with her: "you know how guys are!" scott: silently offended, he would N E V E R make allison worry like that

not to keep discoursing but 4 for u, scott, for not normalizing toxic behavior on the basis of "it's what men are supposed to do"

anyway they set off into the forest and we switch to stiles pov

"Either Danny had been taking advanced goalie lessons or he had had a side dish of irritation along with his Gatorade because Jackson hadn't told him where he was. Either way, he exceeded his four seconds. Then they ran out of hot water in the showers and by then, Stiles had been very happy to be in his room, at home, checking up on the ever-growing mob of zombie sheep in his MMORPG. He kept one ear open for good stuff on his dad's police scanner." listen i love that stiles is a gamer but no actual person who played an MMO would call it an MMORPG they would call it a fucking MMO like not to nitpick. but.

"Scott e-mailed him a map featuring a very narrow, one-lane road leading into Beacon Hills Preserve. It looked like you could use it as a back way to get to the preserve from the Hale house. Chalk one up for technology. And one for the Hales." THE HALES ALWAYS HAVE AN ESCAPE ROUTE ):

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK I JUST SHRIEK-LAUGHED OUT LOUD

He read Scott's text about the heart attack. "'Saw,'" he murmured. He listened to the scanner and got the motel guy's name. He texted back, muttering, "So, Scott, saw what? Saw Derek?"

"Yes?" Derek said from behind him.

"Yeaooww!" Stiles shouted. He turned around to find Derek leaning against the wall. He did that on a irritatingly frequent basis, both at Scott's house and Casa Stilinksi. He was wearing his black leather jacket and he looked especially pouty and moody. "Could you not do that anymore? It is so not cool."

HTIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY DEREK WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

always sneaking into people's bedrooms

i like that chris sneaks into houses in 6A nice parallel ha ha anyway

of course, stiles IMMEDIATELY gets called down to the kitchen by his dad

and he asks about motel guys, but all his dad does is throw him suspicious glares and not say much

he does ask "where's your partner in crime" i love scott'n'stiles so much

"did you take your adderall today" "a gallon of it! er i mean yes"

also "im gonna get together w/ scott soon his grades are even worse than mine" "ur quite the humanitarian" and then the narrative goes "oh yeah right there was the proof that stiles definitely inherited his dry wit from his old man"

so he goes back up and derek is still sitting at his desk "hey, paws off" and explains about the motel guy to him. derek says it wasn't him so stiles is gonna go to the hospital to ask him questions

oh my god "Derek looked uncomfortable. There was something about him and the hospital. Maybe the fact that half of his sister had wound up in the morgue had put him off the place." IMMMMM SAAAAAAAAD

this reads exactly like fanfic i'm starting to suspect nancy holder ships sterek

"im going with u" "uh no ur not ive had my five-minute quota of derek for the day" and then "fine you can follow in ur car" "i didn't come here in a car" to which stiles thinks: "Maybe if Derek did drive his car more often, instead of jogging all over the place like the Flash, he could cut down on the risk that someone might start to wonder about That Guy with the Eyebrows."

and so off they go to the hospital

[zoenightstars]

Post-It Notes, ch9

on Ao3

ch1 | ch2 | ch3 | ch4 | ch5 | ch6 | ch7 | ch8 | ch9 

IT’S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly posting this is making me super nervous because it’s been such a long wait? which im very sorry about? so i owe yall a really good chapter in return for u guys being so lovely and patient <333 

thank you to @sadrien and @reyxa for being the best cheerleaders ever, love you guys <3 also HUGE shoutout to sadrien for beta-ing (ish??) for me. god bless i lov u 

as always, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated!!! (please reblog omg i want 2 know what u guys think!!!) 

enjoy!!!

Adrien is drowning. The harsh blue of the memory of her eyes pull him in deeper and deeper, and Adrien doesn’t know if he wants to stay above water anymore. He now knows for sure that the post-it notes had been Marinette, but he still almost can’t believe it. It feels like a dream that is too good to be true, but Adrien hasn’t woken up yet.

Adrien is so in love. And he is so fucked.

Adrien sinks into his chair as he spins in it absentmindedly. The words “I love you” scrawl their way across his vision again and again and again. He hugs the note to his chest.

“I love you,” he murmurs, swooning a little as he says it.

“Aw, Adri-chou! I didn’t know you felt that way about me!” Plagg coos as he zips into view.

Adrien rolls his eyes. “Plagg, you know I hate it when Chloé calls me that.”

“Adri-fromage, is that fucking better?”

“I hate you.”

Plagg’s tail droops in mock disappointment. “You said you loved me! I thought we had something special, Adri-gruyére!”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Whatever you say, Adri-parmesan.”

“That cheese isn’t even French, Plagg.”

“Hey! We don’t discriminate here.”

“Whatever. The point is, Marinette said she loves me!”

“Disgusting,” Plagg replies.

“I'm not sure you're understanding the gravity of this situation. She said that she loves me.”

“Mhm. Can I have cheese?”

“You're heartless. I'm calling Nino. Get your ass in my bookbag.”

“There'd better be cheese in there,” he grumbles and then disappears into its contents.

As the video call ringtone plays, Adrien stares into space, thinking of his near future with Marinette with equal parts hope, optimism, and abject horror. What the fuck do I do now?

“Hello? Hello? Dude. Bro. Lover boy? ADRIEN,” Nino screeches through the speakers, sending Adrien sprawling onto the floor due to an acute case of being startled shitless with the most notable symptom being falling out of chairs.

“Holy shit! You scared the hell out of me!” Adrien yells as he hauls himself back into a normal sitting position.

“Dude, you were staring off into space with the same facial expression as a lovesick puppy for an entire sixty seconds,” Nino scolds.

Adrien blushes, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Was I?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m pathetic,” he groans.

“I’m not gonna argue. Anyway, you called because…?”

“Marinette.”

“I repeat, you called because…?”

Adrien taps on the screen with a confused expression on his face. “Is something wrong with my audio? I heard you the first time…”

“God you’re dense,” Nino mutters. “Adrien. Buddy. Pal. I heard you loud and clear. But what about Marinette could you possibly have to talk about with me?”

Adrien scowls. “I don’t know, maybe she said she loves me and I don’t know what the hell I should do now?”

“Ask her out? I thought that was a no-brainer?”

“No. No. I can’t do that.”

Nino throws his hands up in frustration. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because… I… can’t?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“But think about it! What if she says no?”

“She won’t.”

“Nino, if she says no I will literally die of embarrassment.”

“Good thing she won’t say no, then!”

“Okay. Let’s just say she says yes—”

“—She will—”

Adrien glowers at him. “If she says yes, what will the kids at school think?”

“I promise you, other than me and Alya, nobody is going to give a shit.”

“Chloé?”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one. But why do you give a shit about what she thinks? She sucks.”

“Fine. What about Rose?”

“Gay. Next?”

“I don’t fucking know, Juleka?”

“Gay. With Rose. Next?”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh my god. You haven’t noticed?”

“No?”

“They’ve been dating for months. No wonder you didn’t notice Marinette was into you.”

Adrien ignores the jab. “Huh. Okay, but what about Nathanael?” Adrien crosses his arms with a sort of gotcha expression on his face.

“Who cares? Marinette isn’t into him, she’s into you!” Nino, clearly, is not got.

Adrien, the smooth lady killer that he is, hangs up on Nino at the suggestion that Marinette is in love with him. Good going.

Adrien’s phone buzzes, and he pushes off from the desk and rolls the chair over to his bed to pick it up.

From: alya’s bf To: lover boi 😍 bro did u just hang up on me

From: lover boi 😍 To: alya’s bf …

From: alya’s bf To: lover boi 😍 anyway do urself a favor just ask the girl out

From: lover boi 😍 To: alya’s bf i dont deserve her :/

From: alya’s bf To: lover boi 😍 maris a smart girl with standards if u didnt deserve her she wouldnt be in2 u love urself and date her pls

From: lover boi 😍 To: alya’s bf r u sure….

From: alya’s bf To: lover boi 😍 u have my blessing, marshmallow ~alya

From: lover boi 😍 To: alya’s bf hold on ur w alya rn? oh ym gd o has alya been listenign htis whole time hello??? ¿¿¿¿????? dude answe r me dud e

From: alya’s bf To: lover boi 😍 read 5:27 pm ✔

From: lover boi 😍 To: alya’s bf ARE U SHITTIGN ME THIS IS BETRAYAL nino blocked

Adrien chucks his phone back on the bed. I really need new friends, he thinks, feeling the heat rise in his face. But no sooner does he do this than his phone buzzes again.

From: unknown number To: marshmallow adrien?

From: marshmallow To: unknown number um...sry who is this ?

From: unknown number To: marshmallow ya girl alya B)

From: marshmallow To: queen alya oh

From: queen alya To: marshmallow r u mad @ me? :((

From: marshmallow To: queen alya a little :/ not if u dont tell mari what i said tho

From: queen alya To: marshmallow thank god ok and i wont dw u have my word marshmallow

From: marshmallow To: queen alya thx

From: queen alya To: marshmallow adrien?

From: marshmallow To: queen alya yeah ?

From: queen alya To: marshmallow u rlly like mari, right?

From: marshmallow To: queen alya um yes am i that obvious

From: queen alya To: marshmallow yeah u are but thats beside the point i really think u should ask her out i mean both so i can write that im 2 for 2 as a wingman on my resume but also because ur both my friends and i want 2 c both of u happy

From: marshmallow To: queen alya okay…? wait 2 for 2?

From: queen alya To: marshmallow i wingmanned myself and the boy thank u very much

From: marshmallow To: queen alya im not sure that counts?

From: queen alya To: marshmallow shut up let me finish >:( if u rly like mari which u clearly do dating her would make u happy, right?

From: marshmallow To: queen alya god yes

From: queen alya To: marshmallow ur a nerd anyway i know that if you ask her out, marinette will literally be the happiest girl in the world also i dont know how much longer she can take this post it thing shes like this 👌 close to imploding i worry for that girl anyway long soliloquy short date the heck out of my best friend pls and thank

Adrien puts down his phone and slowly exhales. Well, he thinks. I may not deserve Marinette Dupain-Cheng, but she deserves to be happy.

Adrien hopes he can at least give her that.