#CAN YOU FORGIVE ME SUZE?

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

In Case I Do Something Stupid

Pairing: Dean Winchester x f!reader, Reader POV and Dean POV

Summary:  Reader is a grad student in college trying to work hard for her degree while maintaining a long distance relationship with Dean Winchester. This is part three of my "Before You Go" series (I'm so bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Tropes: Angst, Fluff, Age Difference, (Reader is early to mid-20's and Dean is probably early 30's), Established Relationship

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: There is some swearing (only a few times), implied reference of past sex (once or twice), Dean might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

This fic includes song lyrics that are in italics and bold font.

Part 1

Part 2

Masterlist

***************************************************

Reader POV

"Did you get it?" Dean asks.

You're standing in front of your mailbox in the lobby of your apartment, cradling the phone between your shoulder and neck while you sort through your mail. There were a lot more bills than you were hoping for.

It had been a long day and all you really wanted was to go lie down, but you had a test in the morning, which meant that you wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

It had been two months since the whole “Cooper” thing and despite Dean’s insistence for you to come over to the bunker if he ever showed his face, Cooper hadn’t appeared once.

Of course that meant that Suze was out of the apartment more to spend time with him, wherever it was he lived. Neither of you had spoken about the incident, not since the morning after when Dean was asleep and you snuck out to make coffee before he woke up and you ran into her. You remember the dark circles under her eyes and  the way her face was red and puffy from crying. You hadn’t known what to say so you nodded a “good morning” and walked back into your bedroom with coffee for you and Dean.

Dean was trying to convince you to move out, but the rent was so cheap you didn’t think you’d be able to find anything better. But with the summer approaching quickly, that meant you could spend more time at the bunker with Dean.

An elderly woman breezes through the main lobby of the apartment building, wearing a bright purple tracksuit. "Hi y/n."

"Hi Mrs. Travis." You respond, holding off from answering Dean.

"Where's your special friend?" She smiles widely at you.

The last time Dean had visited, Mrs. Travis asked him to come help her unclog her drain. You and Mrs. Travis sat at her kitchen table together watching Dean work under the sink while eating mass quantities of chocolate chip cookies. You'd been over to see her a few times since, and each time she told you that Dean reminded her of her husband and would ask when he was coming back.

"He's at home this week."

"What a shame. Tell him to come back anytime. I'll make some of those cookies for him again." She smiles before continuing on to the elevator.

"Who was that?"

"Your wife." You snort into the phone.

"Oh she's the best. Those cookies were so good." Dean moans. "Can you please bring some of those when you come this weekend?"

"I'll see what I can do." You sift through the mail in your hand. There's a collection of bills and a large green make-shift envelope that has been duct taped together with thick silver tape to cradle the contents.

"But did you get it?" Dean asks again.

"By it do you mean a creepy duct taped envelope? Because yes I did." You hold it by the corner turning it over to see Dean's untidy scrawl in black sharpie over the front of it.

This looks like a kindergartener made it. You imagine Dean sitting at his desk in the bunker with a pair of scissors, his tongue between his teeth in concentration and smile to yourself.

"Okay good." Dean sounds relieved.

"I could have just picked whatever this is up this weekend."

"You're telling me that you don't like getting mail?"

"I like getting mail, but this looks like a ransom note. Is someone holding you hostage? Because if that’s happening I don’t have any money and I'm sure you'll be fine." You smile, trying to find a way to open it, but the duct tape was thwarting you.

"No it’s not a ransom note." Dean pauses on the other side of the line. "Wait, you wouldn’t pay money for me?" 

"I mean. Maybe?" You shrug as if he could see you, smiling wide at the envelope.

"That’s reassuring."

"Alright so you’re saying that if I was being held for ransom, you’d give them Baby for me?"

Dean doesn't answer. You can hear him mulling it over in his head, but you already know the answer to that question. You knew that Baby always comes first.

“That’s a long pause Dean.”

"I’m sure the connection is bad. Because I did answer-" Dean begins to say.

"How is the connection bad?" You interrupt, raising an eyebrow.

He tries again. "I’m driving through a tunnel?" It comes out like a question and you can’t help but laugh at his attempts to cover his mistake.

"I thought you said you were back at the bunker."

"Well, then the reception here sucks." He finishes and you can hear the smile in his voice.

You sigh to yourself. The last time you'd seen Dean was only a week ago, but it wasn't enough. Long distance was hard, but you felt that you both were giving it your all. Not to mention that this weekend you were coming to see him at the bunker, and it was a long weekend, which meant you both didn't have to rush.

"Uh-huh. Sure. If I get kidnapped I’m just gonna call Sam.”

"We are definitely off topic.” Dean sighs. “But you did get it?”

“Yes Dean I did. Whatever it is." You trace a finger over the silver taped edge. "Is this construction paper? Dean, you are a grown man, why do you have construction paper?”

“There’s a lot of old shit in this bunker.”

“For your birthday I’m getting you envelopes.”

"Sexy."

You roll your eyes, but finally break through the paper and pull out a bright yellow and black contraption. “You bought me a Walkman?”

Dean had previously bought you a cassette tape player that was on your desk in your apartment so you could listen to the mixtapes he made. Dean often made you mixtapes of his favorite songs, most of which you knew given you had almost the same taste in music, but each time you listened to one of his tapes it was like he was there in the room with you. It made the distance between you less when you missed him.

"Where did you even get a Walkman?" You ask.

"I told you there's a lot of old shit in this bunker." He laughs. "But this way you can listen to the mixtapes when you go to class or when you're at the library.” He says it nonchalant, but there's an edge to his voice that you don't understand.

I wonder if he's worried about something.

The thought makes you worry about him. Dean worried about a lot of things, but he usually kept it to himself. You figured it was because of his dad. You didn’t know too much about Dean’s father, only that he was dead and that he put a lot of responsibility and pressure on Dean’s shoulders when it came to Sam and the job he did, which forced Dean to be more guarded and unable to admit when he needed help. You of course, were very good at reading him and whenever Dean was worried, you made it a point to have him talk to you about it, even if you didn't have a suggestion. You wanted him to be comfortable letting his walls down. You needed him to know that you were there for him and that he didn’t need to carry the burden alone no matter how heavy it was.

You examine the Walkman, running your thumb against each black button that line along the top and against the smooth plastic edges. “That was very thoughtful. Thanks Dean.”

“You’re welcome.” He pauses. “I-uh- also included a new tape.”

“Oh cool. I can't wait to listen to it. I loved the last one."  You pop out the cassette and look at the label.

Dean always came up with ridiculous  names that made you laugh, names like "Psyched to See You Mix Vol 1," and "It's a Good Day to Call Dean."

This one was called "In Case I Do Something Stupid." "I love the name. Does it mean that this is just a pre-recorded blanket apology if you're not careful on a hunt-"

"No it's not."

"Uh-huh." You put the tape back into the Walkman.

“But for this one, when you listen to it, can you call me? I really want to know what you think.” Dean continues.

“If it’s another 8 minute drum solo of Moby Dick-“

“It's not and it hurts me that you didn’t like it. But promise that you’ll call after you listen to it.”

“It wasn't bad. And will there be a test?” You tease him, confused that he's so adamant about you calling him after you listen. Whenever Dean gave you a mixtape he was excited to know what you thought, but was usually more nonchalant about it.

"No." Dean laughs, but it doesn't sound right. "I just want to know what you think."

"Well I can bring it with me when I come this weekend and we can listen to it together-"

"NO!" Dean exclaims. "I mean-um- you should listen to it now and call me." He recovers stumbling over his words.

"Okay." You draw it out confused as to why he is acting so weird. "I will take detailed notes over all of the songs and tell you how much I loved them."

“Okay.” Dean pauses again. “Um y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“I- I’m gonna be at the bunker for a few days researching so you can call me anytime-“ He says it quickly, not in the cool and collected way he usually spoke.

“Dean are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? You sound a little weird."

"I'm sure it's just the connection." Dean pauses again. "I-"

"Dean?"

“I miss you.” He says it hesitantly, and for a second you think that he was going to say something else.

“I miss you too. I promise I’ve just got the one test and then I’ll be there this weekend.”

"Okay."

"Okay."

You could feel the three little words hovering on the tip of your tongue, the three little words you would have gladly told him five months ago when you first started officially dating. You knew that you were in love with Dean, had been in love with him from the moment your eyes locked with his, but the problem was that you'd never said it to anyone else. Of course you'd never felt about anyone the way you felt about him. He was kind, caring, sexy, protective, and just the right amount of batshit crazy that always kept you guessing.

I miss him so much.

Dean hadn’t said it either. But you understood that he was a little slow when it came to stuff like that and it wasn’t that you thought he didn’t love you. Dean said it plenty of other ways. Not to mention you figured he probably also hadn’t said it to anyone before and might be afraid to admit it aloud.

"I'll see you this weekend okay?" You sigh into the phone while wishing that Dean was there to hold you.

"Can't wait. Bye Sweetheart."

"Bye Dean."

****************************

Three days pass and you still haven’t listened to the tape. Honestly you forgot about it,  too wrapped up in studying for the test and preparing a lab report that took twelve hours to finish, all the while your lab partner, Tim, was frantically proofreading over your shoulder so you could turn it in by the deadline.

It was Thursday night, one day from seeing Dean, and you were sitting in the library for your overnight shift. You reach into your backpack for your notebook, but when you pull it out, the headphones from the Walkman are tangled in the spiral of the notebook.

Oh no. You think to yourself. You couldn't believe that you forgot about the tape and you wonder if that's why Dean hadn't texted or called the past few days, because he was waiting for you to call him to tell him what you thought.

You carefully untangle the headphones from the notebook, before raising your head to look around the library. It was midnight, which meant that the only people in the library were you and the guy in the corner slumped over a stack of textbooks half asleep. His loud snores echoed through the empty room, something else that reminded you of Dean. He didn't believe that he snored, until you recorded it on your phone and played it back to him. But, you didn’t hate that he snored. Sometimes you hated how quiet it was in your bedroom when he wasn't there sleeping beside you, that was usually when you called him just to hear his voice through the phone and closed your eyes to imagine he was there.

Dean never cared what time it was when you called him, in fact, Dean liked it when you called him on your overnight shifts and when you were walking back to your apartment. He liked to make sure that nothing happened to you.

You didn't think that the sleeping man in the corner would need any help anytime soon, so you slip the headphones over your ears and hit play. But when the first song starts, you're confused.

The first song is one of your favorites, "I'll Have to Say I Love You In A Song,"  by Jim Croce. A singer that you liked to listen to when you winded down at the end of the day and also a singer that was not Dean's favorite. He often teased you about it. For Dean to include the song on the tape was unusual, but you figured that it was because he knew you loved it.

"Well I know it's kinda late,

I hope I didn't wake you,

But what I've gotta say can't wait,

I know you'd understand,

'Cause every time I tried to tell you,

The words just came out wrong,

So I'll have to say I love you in a song…"

You hum along to the music while tapping your foot along to the melody as you reach back into your bag to pull out your textbook and pencil case for your highlighters and note tabs.

The second song starts as you turn back to your textbook, finding the right chapter to begin studying. You had expected the next song to also be a Jim Croce song or another song that you liked given the name of the mixtape. You assumed that "In Case I Do Something Stupid" meant that the tape would be filled with songs you loved to make you feel better if Dean pissed you off, but the next song is not one you know. You can tell it's Kansas, one of Dean's favorite bands, and one that you didn't often listen to before you met him.

"…Stand beside me

I will never let you fall

Stand beside me

I'll come whenever you call…"

You smile to yourself at the lyrics, it makes you think about how dependable Dean is. How he's willing to drop anything and show up whenever you need him. The melancholy tone of the song makes you miss him even more.

The smell of coffee wafts from the 24/7 coffee shop in the lobby, drawing you up from your seat to answer the siren call. When you get back with a iced coffee, you place the headphones over your ears once more and hit play.

The next two songs you recognize, both Journey songs, "Open Arms" and "Faithfully." You’d heard "Open Arms" before, but you'd never taken the time to listen to the lyrics:

"So here I am

With open arms

Hoping you'll see

What your love means to me

Open Arms…"

When "Faithfully" follows, you can't help but feel a nagging sensation in the back of you mind when you listen to the lyrics of the soft ballad like you're missing something:

"…Lost without you

And being apart ain't

easy on this love affair…

Oh, girl, you stand by me

I'm forever yours

Faithfully…"

You highlight another definition in your textbook while chewing on the inside of your cheek. You did like Journey.

Maybe Dean just wanted to include songs that I liked after the whole 8-minute Moby Dick drum solo fiasco.

When the next song comes on you can tell that it's a Led Zeppelin song, given the familiar tone of the lead singer. You continue to listen, focusing on the chorus:

"Oh, all of my love, all of my love to you, now

All of my love, oh yes,

All of my love to you…"

You sit there for a second in the brief silence that follows the song, before you shrug. Dean always included a Led Zeppelin song in his mixtapes because he wanted to continue your education of music with one of his favorite bands.

The next song begins and you immediately know what it is, "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company. Dean had included the song in a previous mixtape, not to mention you had heard it before on a tape he played when the two of you were together in his room at the bunker. Your cheeks blush as you remember what you were doing when it played. He had plenty of mixtapes that were devoted to THAT particular subject.

But this time you really sit and listen to the words of the song, highlighter poised high over the page:

"Darling, I don't live without you

And your love…

Darling, if I live without you,

I live without love…"

It makes you think of Dean again. You sigh to yourself wishing that it was already time to go back to see him.

There are actually some nice lyrics in this song. You think making a note in the margins of the textbook perched on your knee. You look back up to survey the empty room. The only patron is still in the corner snoring away.

You sit back in your chair, textbook forgotten and pause the tape. You couldn't help but notice that all the songs had a particular theme and you couldn't understand why.

When you hit play the next two are Van Halen, one of your favorite bands, and you immediately recognize both songs. The quick pace of "So This is Love" washes over you, making your heartbeat spike with the beat of the drums.

"Yes, she knows she's mine

And ain't letting go

So this is love?

Ooh I need you love,

Baby, got to have your love…"

Your breath catches in your chest as "When It's Love" starts to play and the smooth sound of the piano tickles against your skin.

"When it's love

Ooh, when it's love

Hey it'll last forever

When it's love

You and I

We're going to feel this thing together…"

And before you can think about the words the next song follows, "Is This Love?" by Whitesnake.

"I feel my love for you growing stronger

Day by day

And I can't wait to see you again

So I can hold you in my arms

Is this love that I'm feeling?

Is this love or am I dreaming?

This must be love

'Cause it's really got a hold on me…"

The next song that follows is Styx, "Babe" and you had heard it on a previous playlist Styx tape that Dean loaned you when he found out that you'd never heard anything by the band before. But this time the song catches you off guard.

"'Cause I'll be lonely without you

And I'll need your love to see me through

But please believe me, my heart is in your hands

'Cause I'll be missing you

Babe, I love you…"

You sit there in the silence that follows "Babe," unable to stop the rapid beat of your heart recognizing the familiar theme with all of the other songs on the mixtape and unable to stop focusing on the words of the song. You take a sip of your iced coffee, tapping your highlighter against your textbook while trying to gather your thoughts. But you couldn't focus on anything on the page. Your thoughts turn to the funny name that Dean decided to call the mixtape.

It's just a coincidence. Dean made another mixtape with songs that he wanted to share with me-

And then the Jim Croce song, "I'll Have to Say I Love You In a Song," comes back on. And you understand. It was exactly what Dean was doing. He was saying "I love you" the only way he knew how.

You look at the label of the cassette again, running your thumb over the writing. You thought that the "In Case I Do Something Stupid" title Dean wrote, meant listen to the tape whenever he pissed you off for being careless on a hunt, but you realize the title referred to if Dean hurt you, if he broke your heart somehow along the way, the tape was a reminder and a confession of his love. A reminder that he wasn't going to give you up, and that he was going to fix it the best way he could.

*****************************************

Dean POV

He tapped his pen anxiously against the ancient text as he laid across his bed, glancing every few seconds at the dark phone on his left.

You still hadn’t called.

It’d been three days since you said you’d listen to the mixtape, three days of absolute agony. Dean sighed looking back at the text but he couldn’t focus on any of the words.

What if she listened to it and didn’t love me? What if that’s why she wasn’t calling? He thought to himself, frown deepening.

He’d thought about saying it to you a million times, almost said it on the phone three days ago, but he was afraid. Dean didn’t like admitting that, but it was true. His fear that you would reject his declaration of love kept him from whispering the three little words that he’d wanted to say from the moment you’d met and patched him up two years ago. He'd never said it before, but he'd never wanted to say it to anyone before he met you.

He glances back at his phone hopefully as the screen illuminates, but it's only a notification from his email. It was past six am, but every time Dean tried to go to sleep all he could think about was you, you and the fact that you hadn't called or texted.  Dean taps the pen on the book again, as his heart continues to sink.

Why is this so hard? Why can’t I just say it to her? I should call and tell her right now- Dean picks up his phone, but then puts it down.

Because what if you had listened to the tape and this was your way of avoiding him. What if you’d never call him back and that was it? What if this was your way of saying that you didn't love him and you didn't know how to get around the awkwardness of calling to tell him that you didn't?

His heart seized in his chest to think that. His mind began to circle the drain again, thinking of all the things he said to you the night that you told him that you wanted him. He had been surprised of course. You were so different than him, so warm and full of life that it made him feel like he’d swallowed the sun whenever he was around you. He didn't realize that you'd wanted him as much as he wanted you, in fact, half the time Dean believed that he didn't deserve to be with someone like you, not after all the things he'd done.

Dean rolls over on his back to look up at the ceiling of his bedroom, tracing the cracks in the metal and the familiar patches of rust, hoping for sleep to give him some relief.

But he can't, all he can think about is you.

Dean remembers his younger years, his years of stringing women along and flirting with whatever caught his eye. But you made him better man and that's why he loved you. You knew him better than anyone else, saw his flaws, allowed him to be open and vulnerable for the first time. You didn't make him feel like less of a man when he expressed emotions and you allowed him to break. Dean couldn't wait to see you again, because when he was with you, he didn't feel the albatross hanging around his neck.

A loud, frantic knocking at his door stirs him from his thoughts.

"I'm not in the mood Sammy." Dean grumbles. He throws his muscular forearm over his eyes to shut out the light above and to staunch the flow of self-deprecating thoughts.

The knocking persists.

Dean sighs loudly, before standing from his bed and walking to the solid metal door, his hotdog pajama pants swishing against his ankles.

"I said I'm not-" Dean looks up where Sam's face usually would be, but sees nothing.

What?

Then he drops his gaze and he sees you. Your cheeks are flushed bright red, hair blown back away from your face in tangles, wearing Dean's favorite pair of jeans, the ones that hug you so tight that it makes him have a hard time focusing. Your smile breaks something in his chest, spreading warmth and comfort through his body like a wildfire.

Dean can't remember the last time he felt comfort before he met you. When you were with him it felt like home, something that he was missing for so long in his life.

"Hey Sweetheart, what are you doing he-" He barely gets the words out before you throw yourself at him. Dean stumbles back with the force of your tackle as your lips find his, arms wrapping around the back of his neck to grip his bare shoulders and pull his face further down to yours.

Dean falls backward on the bed with you on top of him, the thick volume pressing into his back painfully, but he doesn't feel it all he's aware of is you. How your body feels on top of his, how your lips move together as one, and the soft sounds you make into his mouth when he deepens the kiss and drags his hands down to your hips.

You pull back out of breath, lips bright pink. "I listened to it. I'm so sorry it took me so long."

"You did?" Dean's hands are comfortably seated on top of your hips, squeezing just enough that he knows you're here, you're real, and he didn't fall asleep.

"Yeah, and I didn't want to say this on the phone." Your eyes are bright. "I love you too Dean."

Dean's heart skips a beat, an uncontrollable smile shining from his face with your confession. He can't remember a single solitary moment in which he'd felt so much love, comfort, and happiness surging beneath his skin.

"You do?" He didn't mean to ask it, but the little voice was back spreading doubt.

"Of course I do. It's impossible not to." You lean down to kiss him again, your fingertips flitting over his muscular torso in a way that makes pins and needles trace in their wake. "But I'd like to hear you say it." Your forehead presses against his, hair tickling his cheeks.

"I love you y/n." Dean whispers. He watches the way your blush swells over your cheeks, smile widening with his words. And all he wants is to make you smile like that for the rest of his life, to bask in your glow because you are the sun.

Dean secures his hand at the back of your head and draws you down to him, losing himself in the warmth of your love and the soft promise of what tomorrow would bring.

**********************************************

Thank You For Reading!

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Taglist: @daisy-the-quake @brightlilith @roseblue373 @sunnyhummingbee

[kansas-mcpherson]

“If I stopped growing tomorrow is this the person I’d want to be?”

That’s the question. By which I mean it’s the question I’ve been mulling over for the last half of my twenties. As I’ve careened through adulthood, it’s been immortalized in my notes app, a motivational reminder from my Suze Orman phase. Rediscovered periodically during storms of mindless scrolling, it’s helped guide and guilt me in the same way older relatives might. 

Where are you working? Are you still with him? When are you having kids?

I stumbled upon the loaded little query again this morning over coffee. From where I sit now, though, it sounds different to my ear than it did even a year ago. It’s as if the question itself is a noisy semi passing me by, blaring its horn in a different key now than it did moments before. 

If I were to go back in time to the moment I thumbed this bit of wisdom into my phone, I’d want to know what my definition of growth was. I think I would have admitted, internally at least, I viewed it then as a means to an end. I wanted to achieve success, because isn’t that what I'm supposed to be doing? Over the last decade, I've vehemently pursued it in the name of growth. I’ve gone back to school, tried yoga, started therapy, and changed careers with the frequency of trying on outfits. Each revolutionary change I made in my life was in an effort to finally find myself.  You can imagine how dejected I was only to find out who I was not.

There are certain truths about myself that have remained constants in my personality since childhood.  I am still silly and easily caught up in my imagination. I have the temperament of a Minnesotan quaker. I become absorbed in my creative projects. I love animals. I am forgiving to a fault and desperately believe in kindness. These are the sides of myself that can’t be measured or commodified. For that reason, they're so easily forgotten when I’ve chased after lives I felt like I should be living. 

So here’s my radical thought: what if I take the red herring that is success out of the picture. What would happen if I remove all the financial reinforcement of capitalism and ego-boosting accolades, instead to act in a way that aligns only with who I presently am?

[glittersandsourcherries]

Could you do “ it's you and me, forever. no matter what.” with Cassie Howard please???

After all the mess with Nate, she came back to you.

''I...I got nowhere else to go,'' Cassie said at 11pm on your doorstep with her bags, her nose red and swollen from her earlier fight with Maddy, begging you with teary eyes to let her stay the night. ''We don't even have to speak. I just need a place to sleep.''

You hesitated, your fingers crisping around the door handle. ''I don't know, Cas...''

''Please, Y/N. I got nowhere else to go.'' Her voice cracked, tears filling her blue eyes.

It made your heart ache to see your ex-girlfriend so demolished and lost. You almost felt sorry for her, but then remembered that she put herself in this situation. She ruined everything good she had in her life for a guy who didn't love her, who didn’t care about her.

''I think you should call your mom, I'm sure she'll-''

She shook her head, eyes down. ''I can't. I was horrible to her these past days. And she’s probably mad that I went onstage and made a scene during Lexi's play.''

''Maybe, but I know Suze. She’ll be happy to welcome you home. No matter what you put her through, she’ll never stop loving you.''

''Can I still stay here? At least to wash off this mess.''

You watched through the mirror as Cassie removed her makeup in your bathroom, her vulnerability unwinding at the same time. She had switched her blue two-piece had been for pink tracksuit and kicked her heels off. 

''I’m sorry, Y/N,'' she apologized, wiping off her mascara with a cotton-pad. ''At this point, I don’t even know why I started this with Nate. It was a huge mistake that set off an avalanche of mistakes and terrible decisions.'' 

Cassie turned the faucet on and washed her face with water, then took a towel to pat it dry. Her nose was still red - and sore - from when her face hit the wall. It hurt a bit too. It will likely be bruised in the morning. 

She turned off the faucet and turned to you.

''Nate never loved me.'' Cassie smiled sadly, feeling dumb and gullible. ''You did. You loved me, you treated me so well and you were the best girlfriend and- and I still went with him.'' 

Getting chosen over Nate hurt. For a long time, you asked yourself: what did he have more than you? What made her go to him? What could he give her that you didn’t have - beside a dick?

Nate Jacobs wasn’t better than you. He just played his cards better. Because that’s that he was: a player.

''Do you think you will ever forgive me? Do you think we could ever...'' 

''Get back together?'' you finished. 

She nodded slowly.

''I’m gonna need time.''

''Okay.'' She took your hand in hers. ''It’s you and me, forever. No matter what. Remember?''

Your heart tightened, hearing the words you told each other too many times throughout the years. From sandbox friends to girlfriends. 

You smiled weakly and grabbed your hairbrush. ''Now, you really gotta brush your hair, it’s a total bird nest.''

[raisinbran79]

If you'd like a pt. 2 send me a DM

Immunity

It's Five years later and Lexi Howard is back in town for Christmas, What ghosts come back to haunt her? Which will she fear and which will she seek out?

The mirror looked different. 

Though nothing had changed about it. The lipstick smudge in the bottom left corner was unwashed. The frame was a hideous faux-gold. No, it wasn't the mirror that changed. Lexi Howard, stood gazing into her own eyes. 

Twenty three looked so different then eighteen, yet from her surroundings she could barely tell that five years had passed. She lifted a finger to the corner of her eye, tugging slightly. The deep bags, pulled upwards, only made them appear larger. She turned leaning back against the counter, bracing herself for what was to come next. 

From behind the bathroom door, her mother, Suzy Howard was about to knock. Her hand hanging, hesitating disturbing her youngest daughter. Ms. Howard took a sip of her wine.

"Lex, honey, your sister will be here soon" Suze said.

"Oh God" Lexie couldn't bare to hold in the comment. Home for the holidays, whoopee...

Lexie longed for her small, cramped apartment in Queens. The single bedroom reeked of stale water stains, mold and cigarettes. 

She had packed, and re-packed her bag several times. Making sure each item was meticulously placed. Yet somehow, she seemed to have left her new found confidence on the nightstand. 

Lexie hadn't spoken to her sister since highschool.

. This is a huge mistake she thought to herself. She had promised, I promised. She turned  to face herself once again, I can  do this....fuck

Cassie Howard, the older of the Howard girls, looked radiant. As she crossed the threshold, she commanded its air with her suffocating aura.

She spread open her arms, encircling their mother in a hug. 

Lexie could feel her presence before Cassie even opened the door . She leaned around the corner and  saw her sister, the twinge of resentment was replaced with affection. She looked healthy, happy. Not as lexie remembered her, distant and unattached. 

"Is lexie here yet?" Cassie asked in a sing-song way.

"She's just upstairs, lexie honey! Your sisters home" Suze shouted.

Lexie cringed, she had to come down sooner or later. Everything that happened before the play and everything that came after, lexie had thought they were past forgiveness. Suze had begged over the phone, whispered soft pleases. Lexie had been at a workshop for her newest play when she called. It was early morning, the sun hadn't even peaked over the high rises that surrounded the studio.

So she booked a plane ticket that afternoon and now here she was, standing in front of her loving alcoholic mother and estranged older sister. At that moment for the first time in three years, she thought of the boy in the cable knit sweater. 

She braced herself at the memory, trying to shut away his warm face. The slow, hot melting way his voice consumed her. She couldn't hear it anymore, it had been too long, but she remembered how it made her feel. Her heartbeat stammered once, twice then three times before pouring herself down the stairs. 

"Hey Cass" lexie crossed her arms, bracing impact. 

"It's, it's so good to see you" Cassie smiled brightly. 

Quickly, the smell of stale conversation hit her nose. 

"How's New York?" Cassie asked, 

"Good, it's good" lexie weakly smiled "How's Sephora?" 

" I'm the assistant manager now!" Cassie beamed excitedly " They promoted me just before Thanksgiving". 

"That's great" lexie smiled again, the quick nervous way she usually had. 

Suze leaned against the banister, looking down into her drink as if it would offer her an answer. 

" Why don't we take the Christmas Festivities down into the living room ?" 

" I just have to make a quick phone call, I'll be down in two seconds.." lexie tried to squeeze herself out of the situation.

"Lexie-" Suze started, 

"Mom, how about we pour Lexie a drink, it's been a long flight " Cassie patted Suze gently. Looking into her eyes, coaxing her mother out of an argument. 

" Sure, good idea" as Cassie guided her mother away from the stairs, she turned to lexie. There was nothing, no feeling, behind Cassies cold, hard stare. 

Cowering in the bathroom, lexies breath heaved. Her diagram ceased with each clinging breath. Her cheeks flushed with cold sweat. The corners of her dark eyes dripped with tears. Her hand smacked against her lips, muffling her soft moans. 

She cradled against the toilet, closing her eyes tightly. What she had hoped would come from this reunion? Love, acceptance? Now there was only fear. With what she knew of fear, she knew to run. Above the toilet, was a small window. Small enough , that as she stood. Lexie saw a way out. This was impossible and impulsive, yet she did it anyway. You are Twenty- three years old, qn NYU graduate..Jesus—

She dropped down, and her knees hit the hard ground. The ceasing in her diaphragm was replaced with a deep, sucking breath. As she walked down the alley, perched on the wall in its typical position was her bicycle. In five years Suze had forgotten about it, left it there to rust in the rain. As she climbed over onto the seat, placed her feet in on the pedals and pushed off. She felt the familiar rush, the rush of freedom. 

Coming home is an impossible thing. 

As Lexie pedaled faster and faster through the streets, she found her skin shrinking. The houses all looked the same, each one mimicking the one before. Lexie thought of Cass's old friends, the ones from before that night . There was Maddie. Confident, alluring and housed a rage inside her that was parallel to an ember ready to explode. A few months ago Lexie saw in "New York Fashion Today" that Maddie was getting married to a rich fashion designer, and was a prominent Socialite. Her and Lexie had kept in touch, in fact Lexie had an invitation for the fall matrimony in Malibu. Most others had fallen out of touch, now lexie only saw the occasional Instagram post. Such is the way of childhood. 

Rue Bennet, was Lexi's best friend and neighbour. 

She had struggled with addiction throughout high school and towards the end, days before graduation, took off to California in a camper van. Aside from the occasional post card and phone call, Lexi allowed her to move on from the person she was. Such is the way of childhood. 

As Lexi pedaled she expected a phone call, yet none came. She found herself flying down the hill towards the end of town. She had been so caught up in the spiral of memory lane she did not see the coffee shop across the street. 

Lexi stopped to catch her breath and looked up, expecting a neon colored gas station. Instead, a Waffle House  had taken its place. As she stood, watching, she saw her younger self. Fresh faced, with lips painted red, so full of love.  

Her hair was shorter when she was eighteen and had since reached below her hips. She saw her younger self in front of her, and wanted to reach through time and grab her. Pull her away from all that was to come. 

 If Lexi closed her eyes she could hear him. She crossed the street. 

The table was sticky with syrup. 

Her arm kept sticking as she tried to read the menu. Her mind was clear, yet clouded. She could think of only what place was here before. Who stood here before. How it had all come down.

Though she hadn't eaten on the plane, her stomach withered with anxiety. 

" Coffee?" 

She looked up. Standing there were two pursed lips in a blue uniform. Bleach blonde hair, Tucked up with a pencil. Her eyes wide with childlike wonder and on her arm, a bracelet. Like one a kindergartener would give a best friend. 

" Faye?" Lexi questioned the familiar face. 

" yea?" Faye questioned back 

" It's Lexi," lexi started "Lexi Howard" 

Faye looked down at her with her eyebrow slightly twitching. 

" Am I like supposed to know you?" She asked 

" I was friends with" she swallowed the name down. "Fezco" 

" Wow," Faye sat down without invitation placing the coffee pot in front of lexi " I totally remember you, You were the " Stand By Me" girl" 

Tears welled on Lexis eyes 

" I was so sorry to hear about Ashtray" 

For the first time, Lexi saw Faye's face fall. Her perfectly pouted lips drag down. 

" he was nice" she whispered 

They sat there for a moment, Faye looked so much older. Confinement does that too a person. 

After her play, Lexi went home and called Fezco. She listened to his voicemail a hundred times. Over and over again. She feared the worst and when she biked down to his house, she saw just that. 

She look fixedly to faye. 

" The night it happened" Faye began" he was on his way to see you." 

Somewhere deep down, Lexi knew that. Lexi had hoped that. 

" Have you talked to him?" Lexi looks down to her feet. 

" once in a while, after his parole meeting he was allowed to see people and write letters….." suddenly as if she had forgotten.

" hey….why didn't you write him back?" 

Lexi's eyes shot up at Faye. 

" What?" Her teeth ached 

" he wrote you, like a lot, but said you never answered" 

" What?" Her heart forced itself into her throat, pounding just beneath her mouth.

" bitch, do you not understand what I'm saying?" 

" no, no I do its just" lexi stammered " I never got them." 

Faye leaned  back 

" Oh that would make sense, he sent them to your house I guess. Maybe someone else picked them up?" 

" Maybe someone did" 

[cilldaracailin]

Staycation Day 3...

So we went very touristy today (and I guess a warning in advance, religious too. I dont know if I need to give a 'warning' and I respect and understand everyone has a different faith but I visited somewhere very Catholic today so I felt, a 'warning' was somewhat needed just because...)

Anywhoo, first off this morning, King Johns Castle in Limerick. I learnt a lot and forgive my Irish bias here but my God the English were penisheads!!

Tiny Irish history lesson - King Henry the 2nd had a number of sons - one if which was Richard the Lionheart (I am sure we all know of him) and another John who came to Ireland on behalf of his father to basically further the English rule over Ireland. Although the castle is called King Johns, he never visited it and the castle was so called after he died. History lesson in short, John, Henry and a number of other English (and to be fair Irish people too), rebelled and warred and fought against each other to try and win Limerick and in the end the English won, taking over Irish chieftian lands, making it illegal to follow traditional Irish customs. There is a lot more to it then that with all the inbetweeny stuff but that was gist of it. England won but obviously that changed as history moved in.

There was an exhibtion first and then you could go under the castle and also climb up the top.

It was really interesting. Here are some photos...

Ok and here is the religiousy bit...

I left Limerick to head for Co Mayo and on the way towards my next stop, I saw a sign for a place called Knock.

If anyone is familiar with the story of Fatima in Portugal, it is the same religious apparition.

Knock is a tiny town and in 1879 it was teeny tiny. On August 21st 1879, in the evening, on a very wet evening, 15 witness's saw a heavenly vision surrounded by a white light in front of the church. Each one said it was the Virgin Mary dressed in white robes, her hands held together in prayer. On her right stood St Joseph and on her left, John the Evangelist. The 15 stood and prayed for two hours in front of the light until it faded away and although they were wet, none noticed any rain falling as they prayed.

All witness's were spoken too, all said the same thing and all were of sound mind, ranging from the ages of 16 to 70 plus.

Its a place I have never been too and as I was so close decided to visit.

I am not an overly religious person even though I grew up going to mass every week, have gone through all reglious practices of a Catholic person. Now I guess I pray and have faith in different ways, only going to mass twice a year now but it was so very strange kneeling in that shrine. I felt suddenly overly emotional and even got teary and I have no idea why at all. It's very hard to explain but I dont know what it was. Just wierd and I don't even know if I believe that Mary did appear to those people but being in that church was surreal. Though in saying that, I have always wanted to go and visit Fatima and the Vatican and when Pope Francis came to visit Ireland in 2018, I did go to the mass in the Phoneix Park in Dublin but being in a place that is so holy well I can't find the right words. Just strange.

Anyway, I took some photos outside, not inside because even I know something like this deserves to be respected.

The triangular glass building is where the appariation happened and you can just about see the point of the top of the orginial church on the left roof side of the triangle.

But yeah, for me it was great to go and see it and I am glad I did. Unfortunately because of COVID people are not allowed to touch what is called 'the gable'. It's a piece of the church where the appriation happened. There have been some incredible stories of sick people/people with disabilities touching the gable and being cured so who knows.

That little odd square piece is the gable. I would have liked to have been able to touch it and if it hadn't of been so busy, I would have sneaked a sneaky touch but didnt want to risk it.

I got some holy water and rosary beads instead.

Each to their own with their beliefs and faith but I just wanted to share my visit to Knock and experience and for me, I enjoyed it.

I am now at my next stop in Castlebar Co. Mayo. I've no pictures. Its not a capital city or anything. Just a town. Tomorrow I am going to visit another touristy town and am debating whether to do the Aran Islands. Cos I'm moving onto Co. Donegal for tomorrow evening, there's not a lot of time for island hopping so might just leave it and do the beaches instead.

Anyway, I am rambling

Oh more news... two of my fish died (Elton and Eggsy) and I just have Eddie left. My mam sent me this video today...

She got me 2 new fishy's!!! Haha! I laughed so much when I saw the video! She has called them Crystal and FireFly (Don't ask where she got the names from).

So Eddie has two new friends to play with! What a mad surprise! Also I laughed too 'cos in the video mam sent me (I edited that one above down), she let the bag fall over and the fish went splash! Hilarious!

Ok I am done now!

Suze xx

[acabecca]

Wren Kelly + James Potter // Things Like Love - a Marauders AU fanfic

“Oh no,” James shook his head vehemently when he spotted the familiar looking brown bottle in her hands. “No way. You’re not putting that anywhere near my face.”

“What?” Wren frowned, looking down at the bottle in her hand. “It’s just an antiseptic, to clean your cuts-”

“And it stings like a bitch!” James cried, and Wren stifled. “Plus, it smells like primary school and regret.”

“Don’t be such a baby,” she laughed, grabbing a clean face cloth and running it under the tap. She took a seat on the edge of the bathtub, taking hold of James’ chin and turning his head to face her. “You know,” she started quietly, gently wiping at the cut on his cheek. “My mum is gonna give you a proper grilling when she comes up here.”

“Well, I’m sure Suze wouldn’t mind seeing my battered and bruised face when she finds out I earned it defending her beautiful daughter – my lovely, caring girlfriend-”

“I’m not really your girlfriend, you dolt,” Wren narrowed her eyes, smirking as James winced when she wiped at his lip. “And please stop calling my mum Suze.”

“That’s her name, isn’t it? And you are my girlfriend, as far as everyone else is concerned, so it’s only natural I’d defend you against such nasty, slanderous comments,” he placed a hand over his heart.

“You’re such a dweeb,” Wren murmured, turning to throw the face cloth into the sink before she grabbed a packet of cotton wool and the bottle of TCP she had pulled out of the medicine cabinet.

“I told you, that’s not coming anywhere near my beautiful face,” James leaned away from her.

“And I told you to quit being a baby.”

“Can you believe this, Suze?” James asked, looking around Wren when he spotted Susannah in the doorway. “Look at these cuts and bruises on my lovely face that I earned by defending the honour of your beautiful daughter, and all I get in return is abuse! What kind of sadist have you raised?”

“Wren, be nice to James,” Susannah let out a sigh, biting back a smile as she placed a cup of tea on the side of the sink. Wren shot her mother an incredulous look.

“Don’t you dare encourage him!”

“And I don’t even get a kiss for my troubles!” James huffed in exasperation.

Wren glared at him. “I’m not kissing you in front of my mother.”

“Ooh, I’ll look the other way,” Susannah laughed lightly as she covered her eyes and looked the other way.

Feeling her cheeks flush, Wren turned and sent James a scowl when she saw his puckered up lips. Rolling her eyes, she leaned forwards and placed a quick peck on his lips before attempting to pull away, but James placed his hand on the back of her neck to stop her as he pulled her back towards him and kissed her again. Wren’s eyes fluttered closed involuntarily and her hands came to rest on James’ knees as she began to lose her balance from her seat on the edge of the bath, but she made no effort to break the kiss until James pulled away from her.

“I’m sorry I ruined Remus’ birthday drinks,” James whispered, his lips still only millimetres away from hers.

“It’s okay,” Wren whispered back. “I forgive you,” she told him, her eyes still half closed. James grinned lazily, leaning forwards and giving her another quick kiss before he pulled away with a wince, touching his fingers to his split lip. Wren smirked. “Serves you right, you prick.”

taglist:@sgtbuckyybarnes @chlobenet @mer-writes @starcrossedjedis @ocfairygodmother @ochub @lukespatterson @furtherapart @foxesandmagic​@ocappreciationtag​ (let me know if you want to be added/removed!)

[bobdylanrevisited]

The Times They Are A-Changin’

Released: 13 January 1974

Rating: 10/10

Cards on the table, this is my favourite folk album of all time. ‘The King of Folk’, ‘The Spokesperson of his Generation’, ‘The Protest Singer’. These are all labels Bob hates, however this album confirms that he is all these things and much more. Whilst there a few love songs thrown in, this album is defined by it’s more radical tracks, as Dylan takes society to task. 

1) The Times They Are A-Changin’ - This is another song that is as true today as it was in ‘64. The themes of youthful anger, and much needed change, pour out of this album and can still be applied to the issues we march for today. Like ‘Blowin’ In The Wind’, this will go down in history as a cultural turning point in both popular and protest music. Bob has continued to perform this live over the last 57 years, which shows just how timeless the lyrics are, and you should check out the melancholic, ballad version he played for President Obama at the White House in 2010. 

2) Ballad Of Hollis Brown: A devastatingly sad song, which tells the story of a farmer, who is forced to kill his starving family. As well as civil rights, another theme of this album is the treatment of working class families, left behind by the government. It’s a grim but important tale, and the snarled singing really helps the message hit home. 

3) With God On Our Side - This is a satirically political ballad, based on the notion that ‘god’ was behind all victories for America, regardless of if the opposing sides also believed in him. Dylan sings of those who won’t forgive the Germans, and being told to hate the Russians, and takes the persona of a naive patriot who puts faith ahead of reason and free thought. This must have been somewhat shocking in the early 1960s, in a deeply religious country like America, and is even more shocking that just 15 years later, Dylan would be putting out albums as a born-again Christian. 

 4) One Too Many Mornings - An unbelievably understated, romantic ballad, about regret, potentially aimed at Suze again, a theme carried over from ‘Freewheelin’. However, this is also one of Dylan’s most reworked songs, and each time it sounds like a completely new song by a completely different artist. The electrifying 1966 version, the country version with Johnny Cash or at the Isle of Wight festival in 1969, the Rolling Thunder version from 1975/6. Whilst Bob is a chameleon, shapeshifting across different genres, this song is so perfect that it remains a classic, no matter how much he changes the sound. 

5) North Country Blues - Another song about the failings of the American Dream, and the disregard of the working class. This time the story is told by a young woman in a failing mining town (possibly Dylan’s home town of Duluth/Hibbing, Minnesota), where the oil companies have moved overseas to save costs. This is a heartbreakingly beautiful song, and is a scathing attack on capitalism and the consequences of big corporations chasing a few extra dollars, that again wouldn’t feel out of place if it was released today.

6) Only A Pawn In Their Game - Bob played this song all around the country at protests and civil rights rallies, culminating with him performing it at The March on Washington, where Martin Luther King Jr gave his famous ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. It tells the tale of Medgar Evers, a black rights activist in Mississippi, who was murdered by a white man. Yet it also talks of how the poor white man is also a victim, and is spurred on by elites who want to keep the rich whites in power and are threatened by the Civil Rights Movement. It’s a radical song, and is a brilliant dissection of both race and class relations in America. It’s a very sad state of affairs that, like much of his work from this period, the song is still as relevant now as it was back then. 

7) Boots Of Spanish Leather - Almost identical to ‘Girl From The North Country’ in tune and theme, this is yet another bittersweet song for Suze, after her time in Italy and Bob travelling to see her, yet she’d already returned to America. What sets it apart are the beautiful lyrics that are both achingly sad, yet full of warmth. In other words, I love it. 

8) When The Ship Comes In - Hell hath no fury like a Dylan scorned. Following him almost being denied a room at a hotel due to his scruffy appearance, his touring companion Joan Baez had to vouch for him. Once he was finally in his room, he composed this shanty that sounds almost too cheerful, until you realise the lyrics are full of wishes that his enemies be taken by the sea and drowned. It’s a brilliant song, the reels you in with the happy music, and knocks you off your feet with its enraged fantasies. 

9) The Lonesome Death Of Hattie Carroll - It pains me that Hattie Carroll’s name could easily be replaced with Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, and far too many countless others. Whilst some say that certain elements of the story are exaggerated, this is possibly Dylan’s most powerful song. The depressingly familiar theme of murder, civil rights, injustice, and wealth have never hit harder. Particularly in modern times, the line ‘the ladder of law has no top and no bottom’ is all the more relevant, as is the story of a white man barely getting a slap on the wrist for murdering a black woman. It’s a perfect song, almost prophetic, and is still ideal for causes like Black Lives Matter, just as it was for the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s.

10) Restless Farewell - On any other album, this song would be a highlight. It’s only due to the other tracks being so brilliant, that this almost feels like a let down. However, upon closer listening, this is an incredibly angry song masquerading as a ballad, that lashes out at rumours of Dylan’s plagiarism, upbringing, and blossoming career. It’s almost the first of many beautifully constructed ‘fuck you’ songs to his detractors, something that Bob would become all too familiar with over the next few years.

Verdict: Perfection. In my mind, no folk album will ever come close to living up to this. Even the outtakes from these recording sessions are better than most people’s careers, particularly the perfection that is ‘Percy’s Song’. If his career ended here, he would still be remembered as history’s best songwriter, but Bob was only getting started. Whilst the Newport Folk Festival was crowning him as their new king and the political voice of the counter culture, Bob was getting ready to go through his first metamorphosis and follow his own path, no matter who he pissed off in the process. 

[slashyrogue]

“You know, Marcus? Your friend is very handsome.” 

Will looked up from his current task of laying out plates for the pot luck that was to take place in under thirty minutes at Mrs. Susie Lane’s. Susie, the portly woman whose eyes seemed to wiggle almost incessantly when she mentioned his “friend” Georges, aka Hannibal Lecter. 

They had been living in a small town called Stillwater for over four months now, their fourteenth in over a year. He followed Hannibal’s lead whenever he deemed them too long in one place and always left without looking back. Will felt odd how easily he followed the lead of the man who systematically made it a mission to destroy everything good about his life but follow he did. 

Follow was all he could bring himself to do. 

Stillwater though seemed different. 

No one here seemed to blink an eye at them, embraced them as if they’d lived there all along, and many had started in the last two weeks to nudge Will in less than subtle ways. 

‘Georges sure looked good today in those jeans, didn’t he?’ 

‘A man who can make pies this scrumptious and also dance like that? If I was twenty years younger...’ 

‘Look at how good he is with little Sasha! Oh I bet he’d love to have a house full of little ones to look after! He’s just the most perfect man!’ 

Will had first taken this nudges as good natured, harmless, and almost comical. Hannibal and he were not going to go into that direction, he knew that, and he knew Hannibal enjoyed the attention. 

But now he was annoyed because they didn’t stop. 

Like they had any right to interfere. 

None of these strangers knew his and ‘Georges,’ not really, and their constant meddling was starting to insult him. 

“Why don’t you go tell him that, Suze? I’m sure he’d love to hear it.” 

Susie frowned. “I...you know I have Stevie. I wasn’t saying it for myself, I was just...” 

Will slammed down the plate in front of him. “I know what you all think you’re doing is cute and harmless, but it’s NOT. You have no idea.” 

He stomped away from the table and out the door, the cool summer night air a welcome change from the fire in his veins. 

Will couldn’t remember ever being this angry. 

“Susie is quite distraught,” Hannibal said from behind him. 

Will walked towards the backyard and got far enough he knew they wouldn’t be heard before he turned. “Susie can fuck off,” he hissed. 

Hannibal raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure that would not go over well as a response.” 

He sighed and turned away again. “Well it’s either that or jab a fork into her eye.” 

Hannibal touched his shoulder. “Now that is always a welcome response in my experience.” 

Will scoffed. “We’ll save it for when we’re about to leave.” 

He sighed as Hannibal rubbed his shoulder. “I will make a note of it. Are you all right?” 

“I’m just sick of this,” Will admitted, “I feel like I’m in a goddamn romantic comedy.” 

“Ah,” Hannibal said, his hand dropping away, “The meddling romantic plots of Stillwater.” 

“Georges is sooo dreamy!” Will mimicked, “Georges...” 

“Marcus seems lonely, do you think he might need a drink? He sure looks nice today, don’t you think?” 

Will smiled at him over his shoulder. “You know you like it.” 

Hannibal grinned. “Do I enjoy being told you’re handsome? Yes, of course. But it is something I’ve known for a very long time so it gets redundant after the umpteenth reminder.” 

Will blinked. “Oh. Um...” 

Hannibal reached out again and touched his shoulder. “I will make an announcement this evening that we are friends and nothing more, if that would make you less upset.” 

Will stared at his hand. “Yeah, it would.” 

“All right then. Can we go inside?” 

Will licked his lips. “I...I think you’re...I mean it’s not like I don’t think...you’re good looking too. Even in the faded jeans and button downs.” 

Hannibal blinked. 

“Hannibal?” 

“You find me physically attractive?” 

Will laughed and felt his cheeks burn. “You know you are! I mean...” 

Hannibal rushed at him and Will would’ve tripped if not for the kid’s playhouse beside them. He leaned against it and felt Hannibal’s breath tickle his cheek. 

“Will, is the reason you’re so angry at the meddling...is it because you...” 

Will felt his mouth go dry and he couldn’t speak. 

Did he hate the matchmaking because he didn’t want it to be on someone else’s terms? 

Was he really in love with Hannibal? 

He let out a breath. “I don’t know.” 

Hannibal touched his cheek and Will felt his whole body shudder. 

“May I?” 

“If you kiss me in Susie’s backyard I’ll never forgive you,” Will whispered, “That woman will never...” 

Hannibal smiled. “Very true.” 

He stepped back and Will leaned against the playhouse. “We only have to get through this stupid pot luck and we can...talk about it at home.” 

Hannibal nodded. “All right,” he held out his hand, “Can I at least take the liberty?” 

Will shook his head. “Nope. I’ll meet you inside.” 

He watched Hannibal’s shoulders fall and his nod was too cute for someone he knew had just recently torn apart the leg of soccer coach just to hear the man cry. 

Oh shit, he wanted to kiss him. 

Hannibal walked off and Will waited a beat before he headed inside. The party was a bit more crowded and Hannibal was again on the couch with his many admirers. Will went up to Susie who gave him an angry glare. 

“Sue...I’m sorry.” 

“As you should be,” she whispered, “I was only trying to...” 

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Trying to be a sweetheart. You are one of my favorite sweethearts, darlin.” 

She blushed and giggled like a teenager. “Oh Marcus, you’re such a tease.” 

Will held out his hands. “Want me to finish the silverware?” 

She gave him the last few forks and Will looked up in time to see Hannibal had turned to look at him over the back of the couch. Will felt his face turn red but he didn’t look away. 

“Boy, oh boy,” someone said from behind him, “That man is so handsome I think I just might die if he looked at me like that.” 

Will licked his lips. “Yeah, he is.” 

Several shocked gasps filled the room but he didn’t hear a single one. 

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Roommate Blues

Pairing: Dean Winchester x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  Reader is a grad student in college trying to work hard for her degree while maintaining a long distance relationship with Dean Winchester. But what happens when Dean isn't there? This is part two of my "Before You Go" series, but it can be read as a stand alone fic. (I'm so bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Part One

Tropes: Angst, Fluff, Age Difference, (Reader is early to mid-20's and Dean is probably early 30's), Protective Dean, Established Relationship

Word Count: 7K (I have an addiction don't judge me)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ just to be sure, because this fic contains attempted sexual assault/ dude being super creepy and sleazy. There is some swearing, mentions of sex (not explicit, but it's there), references to past sex, Dean might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Masterlist

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You dragged yourself through the front door of your apartment shaking rain from Dean’s oversized green coat that was wrapped around your shoulders and stomping your black rain boots on the welcome mat. He left it the last time he came to see you, a welcome surprise, given that it still smelled like him, but it made you miss him even more.

He hadn’t been by in a month, not for lack of trying. It seemed that every time he got ready to make the six hour drive from the bunker to your apartment, there would be an emergency, but you tried not to be disappointed. You understood that what he did was equally important if not more that what you were trying to accomplish at Med School. And at least Dean made an effort to keep your long distance relationship afloat. You remember before you got serious with him, when he wouldn’t call or text, just show up out of the blue and leave after a few days, breaking your heart every time. You were thankful those days were over.

Those days had been hard, when each day you hoped he would show up only to be disappointed, when you turned down dates from others because there was only one person in particular you were waiting for, when each time he showed up you felt your heart warm, and when each time he left you felt it sink in dismay. You hadn’t expected Dean to give in to an exclusive relationship when you gave him an ultimatum, but now 3 months in you were happier than you’d ever been.

Even if it was just long distance.

The late night phone calls, flirty texts, and the occasional picture kept you both in touch. Of course none of that could replace how you felt when Dean was with you. You missed waking up with him, watching a movie in bed, going out for pie, driving around in Baby and all the other wonderful things that you did with Dean.

But this was the deal you made when you started dating, a fact that you had to remind yourself of often. You wouldn’t make Dean feel bad about his job and you would finish school. When you graduated you could think about moving closer to him, but until then you were stuck. And missing Dean.

“Hey y/n!” Your roommate, Suze, crows from the couch as you enter the living room.

Something animated plays on the tv, bathing the room in brilliant white and blue light, but when you raise your eyes from the mat to look at her, you’re surprised to see that she’s not alone, her boyfriend Cooper sits next to her, his arm thrown around her shoulders.

You try to not look disappointed. Cooper and Suze had been dating on and off for a few months, and you always tried your best to either stay in your room or out of the apartment when he was there. It wasn’t that he was mean to you, it was that sometimes he made you uncomfortable. Like the time he “accidentally” walked into your room while you were getting changed and proclaimed that he didn’t know where the bathroom was, as if finding it in a two bedroom apartment required a masters degree, or like the time Suze left early for work and Cooper asked you to go to dinner with him or like right now when he traced his brown eyes up and down you form as if trying to see through your clothes.

You shudder into the jacket, thankful that it was bulky enough to cover your body.

“Hey Suze. Cooper.” Your smile is more tight lipped than you want it to be. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

You hadn’t told Suze. Yes you were roommates, but sometimes it felt more convenience than friendship.  You both didn’t go out of your way to spend time together. Another reason why you were looking forward to moving out after graduation to start your residency.

“Well I didn’t want to stay away from my girl for too long.” His hand raises from her bicep to rest directly between her collar bones, closer than you would have liked to her chest.

The urge to vomit rises in the back of your throat.

I mean, Dean is handsy sometimes, but not in a creepy way. At least he doesn’t make eye contact with someone else when his hands drift. Dean's usually looking at me. You think to yourself with a frown.

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m just gonna go-uh- study.” You lie.

“Didn’t you have a test today?” Suze leans further into his touch making you even more uncomfortable.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to get behind, plus Dean is coming this weekend and I don’t want to have to study the whole time he's here-"

“Hasn’t he cancelled on you the last few times?” Cooper asks.

You blink. Why did he remember that?

“Yeah. Family emergency.” It was the excuse you always used when someone asked you why Dean couldn't make it.

“What is it this time? His mom has a cold or something?" Cooper chuckles at his joke. "Kinda sounds like he’s with someone else and he doesn’t want to be here with you.” He shrugs. “Maybe you should break it off with him, consider your other options." Cooper's smirk turns into more of a sideways grin that makes your stomach turn in knots.

“I'm good.” You say as monotone as possible, lips pulling down into a frown.

You turn and walk down the dark hallway, thankful that Dean's jacket is big enough to hide your figure.

As soon as the lock on your bedroom door clicks, you fall onto the bed face first with a loud groan, dropping your backpack along the way.

Your room was small, smaller when Dean stayed, but you always welcomed that. When he was here it felt more like home and less like a way station. The mediocre study-sleep-eat-work cycle was becoming a mantra and it seemed that the only time you were actually in your apartment was to sleep or change

There was that one time when I camped out in the library. You think to yourself remembering exam week.

It was 24/7 and you stayed after your shift to study for exams but nodded off. Dean had been mad about that though, upset that you slept in a public space where anyone or anything could have walked in. You thought that it was hypocritical for him to condemn your sleep schedule when you knew for a fact he went days without sleep.

Plus it was easier to sleep in the library instead of making the trek in the morning.

You sit up to look around the room. It was small, just big enough to fit a full-sized bed in, the thought made you smile. Dean barely fit in the bed, he was too tall and broad, and each time he would groan about how Baby’s backseat was ten times bigger and that you both might as well go sleep in there. However, you knew he secretly liked how small the bed was. The small size of the bed meant that you had to practically sleep on top of him, and Dean was not one to complain about cuddling. He often coaxed you into bed to study instead of at your cluttered desk because it meant you used him as a pillow while he watched tv and you tried to understand Metabolic Pathways and commit anatomical structures to heart.

Of course Dean always made the joke that he could help you study anatomy more than a dusty old textbook could. Your cheeks redden thinking about the last time he helped you “study.” It had been beneficial, but you didn’t need to have the memory of what you did to study distract you from the test questions. But what a wonderful distraction it was. The proctor of the exam had asked if you were okay because you looked a little flushed. Dean of course thought it was hilarious when you told him after he picked you up.

The room served its purpose. It had a small desk in the corner covered in textbooks and papers, a small closet, a cassette tape player that Dean bought you so you could listen to mixtapes he made, the ones he brought whenever he’d come visit with ridiculous names scribbled over the label and the ones you’d listen to when you missed him the most, and a dresser that was spilling clothes out of the drawers with a small T.V sitting on top. A purchase that happened after you started dating because it meant that Dean and you did not have to sit in the living room on the couch to enjoy a movie together.

You turn over on your back and fish your cellphone out of the deep pockets of the jacket, before calling Dean.

"Hey Sweetheart, how was the big test?" Dean’s voice washes away any sour feelings you have from interacting with Cooper.

“Harrowing.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was 156 questions.”

“Shit.”

"It’s okay, but my brain feels like mush." You groan pressing your fingers to your temple.

“Don’t joke about that. Sam knew a guy that died from mushy brain syndrome.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure it’s like Mad Cow-“

“I haven’t ingested human flesh recently so the possibility of me having that is low.“

“If you ever do let me know, because that could be any number of things.”

“I don’t know. I think if I told you I’d suddenly developed a craving for human flesh, you’d shoot me. I’d rather just keep it under wraps and hope that I didn’t eat you by accident.”

“I’m sure I’d be delicious.”

“Dean!” You snort.

“What? You were thinking it.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I also wouldn’t shoot you.” He laughs.

The laugh is enough to make your heart jump and buckle in your chest followed by a wave of loneliness.

I miss him. You think to yourself as you burrow further into the jacket with a sigh, and reach for a pillow to hold against your chest, wishing that it was him. “Oh right, you’d make Sam do it.”

“No. I’d lock you up and have Cas deal with it. Work some of that angel magic shit or whatever.”

“How are they?”

You had met Sam a few times and Cas only once. Learning that he was an angel was a bit of a shock. Despite listening to Dean's stories, sometimes you wished he was kidding about there being another world of dangerous supernatural creatures.

But you thought that Cas was sweet.

 Your cheeks flush with embarrassment remembering the first time you met Cas, when Dean was undressing you in his bedroom and Cas teleported in because he forgot about normal things like knocking. Dean couldn’t stop laughing at you when you fell off the bed with a squeal at Cas’s appearance.

Of course he laughed. He wasn’t the one who was naked. And he wasn’t the one who had to have the awkward conversation with Cas later about the importance of knocking.

“Sam’s geeking out as usual, and Cas is-“ Dean pauses. “I don’t actually know where he is.”

“Did you lose him?” You laugh into the phone.

“No I think he said he had something he had to take care of. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You really have to work on those listening skills babe. So, what’s the monster of the day?”

“Sam thinks Vampires.”

“Well he’s usually right.”

“Don’t tell him that. It’ll go to his head.”

You hear a metallic clink in the background and imagine Dean standing at the back of Baby, sorting through the arsenal of weapons.

There are so many red flags that I choose to ignore about this man. You think to yourself. The trunk of Dean's car was probably the biggest red flag, or it would be if you didn't know what Dean did for a living.

“I’m sure Sam already knows but let me text him real quick.”

“Y/n.”

“Please be careful.” You sigh tightening your grip on the phone. Trying not to worry about Dean was hard given the family history and his stories about what had happened to him already. The thought of one day getting a call from Sam to tell you that Dean was dead haunted you.

"I'm always-" Dean begins to say.

"No. No you're not."

"I am."

"Dean."

"I'm careful enough."

At least it’s only vampires. You reason to yourself with a sigh. I can't believe that's something I've ever thought.

You hated it when Dean told you about some of the worse creatures out there, hated everything that he had been through over the years. But vampires were easier, you guessed, or at least he never seemed to be too worried about vampires.

He will be fine. He's with Sam. Sam knows what he's doing, Cas will probably show up and help.

The sound of your roommate and her boyfriend watching T.V bleeds through the thin walls. Cooper mumbles something to Suze that makes her giggle.

Why can’t they just leave?

"I can hear your frown on the phone. What's wrong?" Dean asks.

“Um." You bite the inside of your cheek to avoid saying what's on your mind. You and Dean had never talked about Cooper before. Dean knew that Suze was "dating" someone, but he had never met him.

"Y/n? You still there doll?"

"Well, my roommate's boyfriend is here and there are thin walls." You begin slowly.

"Oh so you get a front row seat to all the reunion sex." Dean laughs. “Probably payback for whenever I stay with you.”

He thinks he’s so clever.

Your cheeks flush bright red. "Well yes, but at least we try to be quiet. They’re really loud." You press your lips together in a tight line, briefly wondering where your noise canceling headphones are. "But, it’s not funny. He's kinda creepy-"

"What?" Dean's tone changes from flirty to serious. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know he's-" You shrug as if he can see it. "He's okay."

"You're gonna need to give me more detail that that sweetheart,"

Dean's silver ring warms between your thumb and forefinger as you bite your lip. You had begun wearing it around your neck on a chain. It was comforting, a reminder of the promise he made to you 3 months ago that he hadn't broken.

"Well, the last time he was here I kinda thought he was coming on to me." You confess.

"What?"

"I mean, Suze had just left for work and he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. But it kinda felt like he was asking me out. And then there was this other time when he walked in while I was changing-"  You shut yout eyes, waiting for Dean's response.

“He came into your room while you were changing?” You can hear the clench of Dean’s jaw in his voice.

Dean was always fiercely protective of you, a trait that you had never found attractive until you met him. It made you unafraid when you went out late to a bar together or when he sat with you in the library in the middle of the night, or when you went on a pizza run at 2 am. Knowing that Dean was there made you fearless in the best way.

“He made a mistake and he apologized.” You wave a hand in front of you as if trying to brush away the thought. “Plus he’ll be gone in a few days and then you’ll be here. You are still coming this weekend right?"

You think about the sneer and the taunt Cooper gave you when you got home about Dean blowing you off. You knew that Dean wasn’t cheating. Sure he was flirty, but you trusted him. If anything Dean probably worried more about you cheating, but you wouldn’t do that to him, couldn’t do that to him, not after everything he’d been through.  You couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else, didn’t want to. Perhaps that scared you a little, how much you needed him. You’d never needed anybody else before.

"Yes. I’m only two states away and I promise I’m going to make it this time.” The plea for understanding is clear in his voice. “I’m sorry about last time-“

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand. I really miss you though. I wore your jacket today but it doesn’t smell enough like you anymore.”

“You’re weird.”

“You love it.”

“Yes I do.” His voice is softer when he says it, sending pins and needles across your skin. “Did you eat today?” Dean's voice is tinged with worry.

He knew your tendency to forget something like that, especially when you were studying or stressed about a test. Whenever he’d visit, Dean always showed up with food and a bag of snacks that he shoved into your room by your desk so you would remember to eat something when he wasn’t there. It was the question he always asked you because he knew that no matter how intrenched you were in studying it would be enough to pull out of the hole and send you into the kitchen.

“Not yet.”

“Doll-“

“I know. I’ll go out and get something in a bit.” You fiddle with the ring.

“I’d feel better if you ate something now.” Dean says.

“It’s okay I just forgot-“

“Y/n.” He sighs your name, but you still love the way it sounds.

“I know. I’ll wait until Cooper and Suze leave, they’re still watching T.V. I don’t really want to walk out there again.” You press your lips together in a tight line remembering his eyes on you and what he said about considering your options.

Yeah, not going to mention THAT to Dean.

Dean doesn’t say anything for a second. “Who is this guy again?”

“Someone she met at a frat party forever ago. Basically on and off fuck buddy until something better comes around. At least for him anyway.” You remember the last time they broke up and what a mess Suze was. It had made you feel guilty enough to sit with her one night and watch a few rom coms and hold a box of tissues.

No one should go through a break up alone.

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t know he’s just kinda creepy. Sometimes I think he’s staring at me or whatever. Maybe I’m paranoid.”

“You should go to the bunker for a few days-“ Dean begins to say.

“I’ve got class- plus it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Y/n, I don’t want you staying there with him.”

“Come on it was you that taught me a few maneuvers to get someone to back off.” Your smile turns more into a smirk. “I actually remember you teaching me a few other things too, but I don’t remember those being used to push someone away. I remember those things being better when you’re really close to someone. Might need a refresh when you get here, as I recall I was a good student, very eager to learn.”

“Don’t tease me right now. I really miss you. It’s been too long.” Dean groans into the phone.

“I know. I miss you too. But you’ll be here in a few days and my brain will no longer be mushy and I’ll be all yours.”

“Can’t wait.”

"Be careful."

"I will."

"Tell Sam and Cas I say hi."

"Okay. Text me when you go to bed and please get something to eat.”

"Okay. I will."

"Bye Sweetheart."

"Bye Dean."

When you hang up you feel the weight settle in the pit of your stomach again.

All I have to do is last til the weekend. 3 days, more like 2 1/2 because Dean will be here on Friday. You think to yourself with a sigh.

You lay on your back for a minute thinking about what you planned for the weekend. There was a vintage car show happening only an hour away and knew that Dean would not want to miss that, especially if it meant showing off Baby and spending time with you. When you first started dating officially, Dean had taken you to one a few states over, and had been surprised when he realized you knew almost as much about cars as he did.  Your dad’s obsession with them lead to a childhood of car shows and junkyards and meant you had a healthy dose of car knowledge. You probably would have been a mechanical engineer if you hadn’t liked medicine more.

But then that meant you never would have met Dean. You wouldn’t have been living at the apartment where he collapsed in the hallway with jagged scratches up his chest and a bite mark on his shoulder.  That meant that you wouldn’t have dragged a complete stranger inside and treated his wounds while he complained like a baby and lied about how he got them.

Dean never got better at lying to you. You smile at the memory that's quickly followed by the one of when he chose you. However, you didn’t know that he had chosen you the day that a complete stranger pulled him into their apartment and began to take care of him better than anyone ever had.

The sound of Cooper and Suze laughing pulls you out of your head for a second and brings the weight back down on your stomach.

You just had to survive to the weekend. How hard could it be?

****************************************

The next two days trickle by. Another test rears it's ugly head, a pop quiz darkens your doorstep, and an overnight shift at the library causes you to drag your feet all over campus. But you welcome it. It meant that you weren't in the apartment long enough to be around Cooper. A welcome bonus to having a busy week, because you couldn't find your noise cancelling headphones and one night was enough.

Dean hadn't been able to call, only text you to let you know that he was still coming and that he was alive. It wasn't the same as hearing his voice.

But you made it to Thursday night, that meant that you would be seeing Dean in less than 24 hours and the anticipation was killing you. You could hardly wait to see him, wished that you could sleep through the next few hours and wake up with Dean.

The apartment is quiet when you creep into the kitchen for a late-night snack, quiet enough that you figured Suze and Cooper had gone to bed a while ago. You couldn't figure out why he was still here. He did not often sleep over, usually Cooper would stay for a few hours and then high tail it to whatever rock he crawled out from under.

The kitchen was small, divided from the living room by a large bar bolted to the ground that ran from one wall and jutted out into the beginning of the hallway that led to your room. It meant that there was only one way in and out of the kitchen, past the refrigerator. Suze's room was directly across from the living room and the front door while yours was further back in the apartment down the dark hallway that also held the bathroom.

You stand up on your toes to reach into the cabinet for the peanut butter. Suze was taller than you and often forgot to leave it on a lower shelf, despite all the times you reminded her.

Come on. Your hand finally closes around the jar-

"Hey." A voice says behind you.

You jump up and hit your head on the cabinet door. "Ow." You groan turning around with the peanut butter jar in your hand, and rubbing the bump with your other one.

Cooper is leaning against the refrigerator door shirtless, wearing a pair of dark boxers that are slung low on his hips. His appearance makes the warm feeling of excitement that you have over seeing Dean so soon fizzle up and die.

I don't have time for this right now.

"Cooper. I didn’t see you. Um- where’s Suze?" You keep your voice even as you look away to get a butter knife in the drawer to your left.

Maybe he'll just go away. You hoped, but honestly you knew it was wishful thinking.

"She’s asleep." Cooper runs a hand through his reddish hair to push it back from his face.

"Oh. Did you need something?" You continue to act like you don't care that he's there, when it's taking all your willpower not to go back to your room. You don't like how dark it is in the kitchen, or the way that his eyes keep tracing your frame. It wasn't that you were wearing anything revealing, you were wearing one of Dean's soft t-shirts that hung past your waist and a pair of gray sweatpants.

But under his gaze you felt, naked.

"I just thought that I’d come talk to you." He sounds casual, nonchalant.

"Why?" You spread peanut butter over the piece of bread before moving it back towards the jar.

"Well, I thought we should talk about us."

Your knife stops halfway in its path. "Us?"

"Come on. It’s obvious that you’re into me."

"What?" You look up at him, face scrunching in confusion.

What the hell is he talking about? You think about all the times you left the room immediately when he walked in, and think about whenever he tried to start a conversation and you smiled tightly and nodded before coming up with an excuse to leave. When have I ever acted like I was into him? If anything I've made it painfully obvious that I don't like him.

Cooper is watching you with the same smirk he had two days ago when he asked you to consider your options. "You’ve been avoiding me because you can’t stand to see Suze and me together."

"No I haven't."

"You have." He smirks wider. "But it's okay. I get it."

"Get what?"

"I get why you're into me. Everyone is."

"I'm not." Your mouth turns downward into a frown.

You don’t have to pretend.” He traces his eyes up and down your body once more, causing a shudder to travel down your spine. “Because I’m into you too.”

“Cooper-“ You breathe, hand tightening on the knife in your hand that is still frozen in the air in front of you.

The temperature in the room seems to have dropped fifty degrees.

“Don’t try to deny it. You always get that cute little flush in your cheeks when you see me.”

“I don’t.”

How many times do I have to say no to this idiot? Is he really that stupid? You wonder to yourself.

“Sure you do. It’s adorable.” Cooper rolls off the refrigerator to take a step into the kitchen. “And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Sorry that guy Dean is jerking you around. I’d never do something like that.” His eyes flash in the dim light coming from one of the lamps in the living room.

“He’s not jerking me around-“

“He keeps disappointing you. Let me make you feel better.” Cooper puts his hand on the edge of the bar. He’s still a good 4 feet away, but it’s enough to block you in.

If you wanted to leave the kitchen, you’d have to push past him. And the thought of you touching him or him touching you sends another shiver down your spine.

“Look Cooper. I’m not into you. And as for Dean, our relationship is none of your business-“

“Some relationship. He comes up with those stupid family emergency excuses and ditches you. Do you have any idea what I’d do to you if you were all mine? I’d never leave you ever-“

His confession makes the disgust come roaring back through your chest, followed by the sour taste of bile when you think about what's going to have to happen if he doesn't move out of your way.

You take in a deep breath, standing tall to face him. "But I’m not yours, and I don't want to be yours ever. I’m saying no. No to whatever warped reality you’ve come up with in your head. No to you and me doing anything further. No to me being into you." Your eyes narrow. "And that means two things can happen: one, you go back in that room with your girlfriend or two, we’re going to have a problem. Honestly,  I hope you pick door number one because I’m really tired.” Your hand tightens on the knife.

The truth was you weren’t afraid, more disgusted. If you screamed loud enough Suze would hear you and you also still had a knife in your hand hovering between the two of you. It was more the principle of what was happening that was disturbing, his inability to listen to you, to hear you say no.

“Well I think a know a few ways to wake you up baby.”

"I'm not your baby." You snap.

"You could be-"

"Hard pass."

"Aww come on don’t be like that. We both know you want me." Cooper moves forward a step dragging his hand along the counter.

You back up so that the drawers are biting into your back, knife covered in peanut butter clutched in your hand.

Just because you had taken an oath to heal people didn’t mean you were going to let him walk all over you.

"How many times do I have to say no?” You shout, not caring if you wake up Suze, not caring if you wake up the whole damn apartment building.

"Come on it’s been a while for you hasn’t it? That guy Dean’s been stringing you along, hasn’t been taking care of you. I bet he's selfish, doesn’t take care of your needs. You’re saying no to me for him? I guarantee even a few minutes with me will be well worth it. I bet you I can make you feel things that guy can’t.” He takes another step forward so that you’re almost chest to chest. “So why don’t we go back to your room and I’ll-“

Cooper’s body is yanked backward through the air so fast you get whiplash, cutting off his next words.

What the-

Someone is standing there, hand on Cooper’s throat, pinning him to the black refrigerator so tight against the metal that you’re sure it'll leave a dent. The magnets scatter at the feet of the two men, clattering against the floor sharply.

“She said no asshole.” Dean’s low growl vibrates through his chest and you realize the figure towering over Cooper is your boyfriend.

Your wonderful, sweet boyfriend, who told you he was going to be here in the morning, but wanted to surprise you. Relief courses through your veins at his appearance and you let out a shaky breath to compose yourself.

Dean towers over Cooper, who isn’t tall enough to look over his broad shoulders, let alone be as intimidating as Dean. Cooper's gangly frame and short stature made him look like a hobbit compared to Dean's muscular and tall body.

The heat of Dean’s anger burns through the air of the small kitchen as his eyes narrow, staring Cooper down with pure hatred.

“What the hell? Who are you?” Cooper sputters, clawing at Dean’s grip, but Dean doesn’t move. Scarier still is the fact that Dean is acting like Cooper weighs nothing at all, holding him a foot in the air so he can look into Dean's rage filled gaze.

"Cooper, this is Dean, my boyfriend." You say, finding your voice. "The guy that you said has been 'jerking me around.'" You form air quotes around the words. "Maybe you'd like to discuss our relationship with us, since you have so many interesting suggestions."

Cooper's eyes widen when he realizes who Dean is. "Whoa wait a minute I didn't do anything!"

You'd only seen Dean lose it once before, when you were at a bar late and a guy shoved you out of the way to get a drink at the bar. Dean broke his pinky on the guy's face, but he had looked so good doing it. You told him so as you set his pinky later.

Cooper gasps. "I didn't touch her-"

“What you did was enough.” Dean's face is contorted in fury.

“Wait a minute, come on. She’s acting like a fucking tease! You’re never here, she’s always prancing around in these little outfits-“ Cooper lies, grasping at whatever he can to save his own skin.

“Not her style.”

"Please I didn't know you were here-" Cooper twists his body with his plea, but Dean doesn't let go.

"Even if I wasn't, it doesn't give you the right to touch her." Dean spits.

“Cooper?” You turn your head towards the voice and notice Suze standing in the doorway of her bedroom with wide eyes. Her gaze traces over Dean. “What happened?”

“Hey baby.” Cooper smiles at her, his eyes still wide. “We just had a little disagreement that’s all-“ His hands find purchase against the front of Dean's red flannel shirt.

“A little disagreement?” Dean seethes. “Your asshole of a boyfriend was coming on to my girl.” His hand tightens on Cooper’s neck.

“What?” Suze looks Cooper wide eyed before looking at you. "Is that true?"

"Yes." You say gesturing with the peanut butter knife that you forgot was in your hand, before you place it down on the counter, no longer needing it.

Dean's got this.

"Baby come on." Cooper looks at Suze. "Do you think I would do something like that?"

Suze stands there for a minute looking from Dean, to Cooper, to me. "I don’t know.”

“You know me-“ Cooper smiles despite the situation, hoping that she can get Dean to back off. “You know I love you. You think I would throw you away just because a slut like her comes on to me-“

It’s enough for Dean. The sharp crack of Cooper’s nose breaking beneath Dean’s fist fills you with an ungodly amount of pleasure.

Suze's scream pierces the air as she watches the blood begin to flow down Cooper’s chin and onto his bare chest.

“If you ever talk to her, look at her, or try to touch her again,” Deans voice is a growl. “I’ll break more than just your nose.” He drops Cooper, who slides to the floor holding his broken nose.

Dean then grabs your arm and hauls you through the kitchen and into your bedroom, ignoring the string of curses that pour from Cooper’s mouth.

As soon as the door of your bedroom closes behind you, Dean pulls you against him. You can’t help but melt into his warm embrace, the disgusting feeling that rose with Cooper’s attempts to get you in bed fading away.

"Are you okay?" Dean's voice is tight with the force of his anger, but one of his hands moves up and down your back in a soothing motion.

"Yeah." You breathe, cuddling further into his chest.

The smell of leather, metal, and something spicy that you ascribe to your boyfriend makes the hole that opened in you while he was away close. It soothes whatever residual anxiety you had over what almost happened in the kitchen. You rub your face against his warm flannel with a smile, but when you turn your gaze upwards, you realize that Dean isn’t staring down at you like you thought he would be, he’s staring at the door. You can hear Suze and Cooper shouting at one another and it's quickly followed by the slam of the front door that you hope means that Cooper is gone and wouldn't come back ever.

“Dean?” You whisper.

“I should go out there and tear his fucking head off." Dean growls, tightening his grip on your waist.

"Hey. It's okay-"

"No it's not." Dean spits looking down at you. "Nothing that just happened is okay."

"I know." You soothe. "But it's okay. You handled it. I'm pretty sure that Cooper is never going to bother me again-"

"If he ever shows up here. I don't care if you have classes or a test, you call me immediately and come to the bunker. I don't want you here with him." Dean says, his green eyes piercing. "Promise me."

Dean knew better than anyone that you never broke your promises, no matter how big they seemed.

"I promise."

"Okay." Dean's jaw is still tight, but the tension in his shoulders loosens for a second when he looks at you, until finally he sighs. "I missed you." Dean's thumb brushes against your cheek.

"I missed you too. It was such a nice surprise for you to come early." You smile at him, before arching upwards to kiss him, but as soon as your lips meet, Dean winces, his right hand tightening subconsciously on your waist.

"Ow." He hisses, face scrunching up.

"Dean what's wrong?" Your eyes widen with worry. You reach up to cup his cheek, but Dean makes a face leaning away from your touch.

"Vampire got a few lucky hits in." Dean groans.

"What?" You turn on the lamp on your bedside table.

Both the kitchen and your room had been dark enough to hide the discoloration and swelling of Dean's face, but now that he was in the light you understood why he moved away from your touch. As soon as you turn back to look at him, your mouth drops open noting the split lip, the ugly purple bruise that circles his right eye, and the swelling of his jaw. "Dean!"

"I'm okay sweetheart." He tries to smile, but his lip twitches.

"Where else does it hurt?" You ask him gently touching his face where the skin is bruised.

"Just my ribs-"

You immediately grab the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and off him with a gasp when you see what's underneath.

"Little eager aren't you doll?" Dean tries to laugh, but winces with the movement.

Black and blue marks mar the muscular skin of his abdomen and curve around the right side of his rib cage in a sickening pattern.

"Oh Dean." You whisper, heart breaking for him when you imagine how much this must have hurt.

"I'm okay baby." He says again, thumb stroking against your waist. "You just gotta be gentle with me tonight."

"You might have a broken rib or a perforated lung-"

"Y/n." Dean sighs. "I'm okay."

"This is more than a few lucky hits." You pull yourself reluctantly from his grasp and walk around him to see his back, following the black and blue trail with your gaze. "THAT’S A BOOT PRINT!"

"Don't shout-"

"What happened to being careful?" You whisper yell looking up into his eyes.

"I was. They ambushed us." He shrugs, but winces again.

"Is Sam okay? Cas?"

If Dean looks this bad what about the others?

"I got the worst of it." Dean half-smiles, but you don't like the way his lip twitches when he does.

You wonder how much pain he was in when he pinned Cooper to the fridge, how much of it he was willing to ignore because you were in danger. The thought warms your heart. He was willing to endure the pain if it meant protecting you.

“Stay here. I’m going to get you some ice-“ You turn towards the bedroom door, but Dean blocks your exit.

“You’re not going back out there.”

“You need ice.”

“Don’t care.”

“Dean-“

“I promise it doesn’t hurt that bad.” His hands find your waist again. “I missed you.” Dean says again.

"I missed you too." You can’t help but smile back moving to hug him, but you stop when he winces. “Dean-“

“I’m fine.” He leans down to kiss you but groans in pain as soon as your lips brush against his. Dean sighs, pressing his forehead against yours. “This is not how I wanted tonight to go."

“And how exactly did you want it to go?” You smirk up at him.

“Well for starters I didn’t want it to begin with that asshole trying to-“ Dean’s jaw clenches so tight together that you’re afraid he’s going to hurt himself. His eyes darken with anger, as he remembers what almost happened in the kitchen.

“Dean I’m okay.” You whisper again. "But thank you. It means more to me to know that you were hurt and yet you were still in there protecting me." Your hand traces over his chest as soft as you can without hurting him.

"I'll always protect you." Dean presses his forehead against yours. "I didn't like the way you sounded on the phone the other day and I wanted to come see you early, didn't want to leave you with him alone."

"Thank you. I'm glad you came when you did." You kiss him on the neck, because it's the only place that you can without hurting him.

Dean sighs. "I can't believe those damn vampires jumped me. I've really missed you." He puts his head on your shoulder, crumbling into you with a sigh.

You sink into the warmth that comes from his body, dragging your hands through his hair while he tightens his arms around your waist with a groan.

"Baby is it okay if we just go to bed? I know that you wanted to-" Dean trails off, mumbling into your shirt.

"Yes it's okay if we just go to bed." You laugh. "I care more about you having broken ribs or a concussion than having sex with you."

"Really? Because we could try-"

“No. I don't want to hurt you, plus I'm also kind of tired. I had a long few days." You soothe. Your hands continue to slip through his hair. "But if you're not going to let me get you some ice, please at least take some Tylenol.”

"Fine." Dean grumbles into your shoulder.

When he falls asleep, you stay up and watch the gentle way his breath moves through his chest and watch how the wear fades from his face leaving him years younger. Worry still tugs at your heart as you examine the bruises and discoloration of his face and you stop yourself from dragging a fingertip over his features for fear of hurting him. Instead, you tuck the covers up around him, settling against him. His arm tightens around your waist in his sleep, pulling you tighter against his bare chest with a sigh. And as you curl into his chest you forget the events of the night and allow yourself to be lost in feel of his heartbeat against your hand and the soft sound of Dean's breath.

*******************************************************

Thank you so much for reading!

If you'd like to be added to my tag list for this series let me know :)

Taglist: @daisy-the-quake

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

CHOPPING MALL Might Be Our Last, and Only Hope For Survival

In the year 1986, we humans were given a gift. It was the greatest gift any civilization has ever received, yet, we did not understand its importance at the time. It is only recently, thirty-two years later, that we have begun to appreciate it. This gift was not something that we cared about at the time. We couldn’t accessorize it with fingerless gloves or snort it up our noses, so who needed it? Even though we have begun to hear the call, I fear, for the future of our species, that it may be too late.

Some may call this gift a “B-Movie”. Some might even refer to it as being “So bad it’s good”. They are dead wrong. That is what our robot enemies want us to think. This is nothing to laugh at, nothing to relegate to “cult” status and midnight viewings filled with the sweaty and over-buttered. This gift was a prophecy, one that we must begin to understand and follow before we go the way of the dinosaur. This gift was Chopping Mall, and may god forgive our hubris and have mercy on our souls.

Who Let the Killbots Out, Who, Who, Who

Released in 1986, Chopping Mall (the original title for the film was Killbots, which is pretty metal) was the brainchild of writer Steve Mitchell and director Jim Wynorski. It was filmed under Roger Corman’s Concorde Pictures studio and was produced by Corman’s wife, Julie. Although it was a relatively low-budget feature, all parties involved felt the weight of Corman resting on their shoulders throughout the production. After filming began at the Sherman Oaks Galleria in California, Roger gave the crew his stamp of approval and left them alone for the 22 day shoot.

The film starred Tony O’Dell, John Terlesky, Nick Segal and Russell Todd as four horn-ball dudes throwing an after-hours party at the mall store that O’Dell’s character Ferdy managed for his uncle. What better place to hold an after-hours party filled with pepperoni pizza and beer than your uncle’s furniture store? I posit none. There are none better places. There happened to be a few ladies that agree with me, for Suzie (Barbara Crampton), Linda (Karrie Emerson), Leslie (Suzee Slater) and Alison (Chopping Mall’s version of a “final girl” played by Kelli Maroney) decided to join in on all the sexy fun.

    What starts out as a harmless party full of marinara and sexy times quickly becomes the worst night spent in a mall since the closing of KB Toys. As a new high-tech security measure, the owners of the mall purchased three robotic guards known as Protectors to roam the halls after the stores have closed. They are brought in to monitor movement, detect burglaries (You see, Youths, shopping malls used to have stores in them that sold products and other things of value. Weird, right?) and immobilize perpetrators using taser-like technology, tranquilizer darts and horrifically inaccurate laser eyes.

These machines are deemed “totally safe” by their creator. He assures the overly-sarcastic crowd at the Protectors‘ unveiling that nothing could ever go wrong. They can make the distinction between who is supposed to be there after closing (janitors, horny teens) and burglars by scanning an identification card given to each employee. No worries there! Just scan your card and be on your way. As an additional security measure (seriously, this mall must have been built above Area 51), the mall will be completely shut down between midnight and 6 A.M., with giant metal doors that make any thoughts of entrance or escape completely pointless. Everything goes swimmingly for approximately 2 hours, until a freak lightning storm hits the area and strikes the computer that controls the robots several times. This not only causes the control panel to spark and smoke, but it also gives the robots free reign to fulfill their murderous fantasies.

  Finding An Audience

The rest of the film genuinely needs to be seen to be appreciated. There are some awesome kills that are considered brutal even by today’s standards, and a plethora of attempted 1980’s action film one-liners that bring a smile to my face every time (the best one comes from Alison at the end of the film, where she is able to make her booming voice echo like she’s standing at the rim of the Grand Canyon). It’s not the filmmaking or the acting that has driven me to write this article, however. It is the message contained within this film that needs to be examined, and its dire warning that needs to be heard.

  “Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.”- Christian Lous Lange

  Chopping Mall was not a successful film when it was first released to the public as Killbots. It wasn’t until the name was changed and the film was released on VHS that it started to gain a following. This is most likely due to the awesome cover art that never revealed that the antagonists in the film are killer robots. You wouldn’t even know this was the case until you got home with your bulky clamshell case in tow. Even with this cult following, few people that aren’t horror fiends have seen the film or have any idea what it is about. Even fans of the film are not watching the film the way that they should be. They sure do like to laugh at the silly parts in this film, but what they should be doing is screaming at the realization that we are currently living in the Chopping Mall Universe!

  A Frightening Future

Just last week, in my former home of Tempe, Arizona, a horrific tragedy occurred. Ride-sharing mega company Uber was testing one of their new fully-automated driver-less vehicles on the streets of the desert college town. Everything was going just fine, until the vehicle ignored the rules of the road and ran down 49 year old Elaine Herzberg as she walked her bicycle across the street. The woman died instantly, becoming the first person to die at the hands of an autonomous vehicle. How is this any different from what transpires in Chopping Mall? Uber is trying to make the world safer by eliminating the need for humans to perform jobs like taxi driver or mall security guard. Does this actually make the world a safer place, though? As we have already seen, all it takes is someone crossing the road with a bicycle, or a single lightning strike to send everything into pandemonium, causing the deaths of innocent people along the way.

Have you ever heard of the company Knightscope? If you haven’t, then click the link on their company name and go to their website. Go ahead… I’ll wait…

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!? Knightscope has literally created four different versions of Chopping Mall’s Protectors! These robotic security guards will soon be patrolling our malls, sporting arenas, concert halls and airports looking for suspicious behavior and packages. As of right now, these machines only have the ability to scan movement, run license plates and identify mobile devices (okay, that one is kind of terrifying), but how long will it be until they install laser eyes on these monstrosities? They are supposed to be a police presence in areas with large populations of people to try and deter crime, but at some point, one of these 400 pound demons will run over someone’s foot, turn to them, and say “Thank you, have a nice day“. Have we learned nothing from the plight of the horny teens in Chopping Mall? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?

  “I’m sorry. It’s not you, Ferdy. I guess I’m just not used to getting chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots…”- Linda Stanton

  You may think that Chopping Mall is something to laugh at, but I sure don’t. Jim Wynorski and Steve Mitchell are prophets that were trying to warn us about the dangers of our dependance on technology. Where will we be, as a species, if the technology we rely on turns against us? We will be marched to our doom under the forever-watching laser eyes of our Protectors. They only hit one out of every two-to-three hundred shots, but that one hit will either burn your clothes a bit or blow your head apart like a microwaved watermelon. You never know!

  Chopping Anew

It has been announced that, again, someone is trying to remake Chopping Mall to update the setting for today’s audience. Director Rob Hall just revealed that he has written a new script for a reboot, only he has completely removed the robots from the equation. He, instead, will focus on a supernatural entity that possesses a gaggle of mannequins and terrorizes a group of teens inside a mall. Don’t be fooled by this distraction, people. I’m not saying that Rob Hall is working for the robotic overlords that are preparing to start the final war for Earth’s resources, but he is definitely doing their dirty work by removing them from the one film brave enough to warn us in advance. Don’t be fooled, stay vigilant, and maybe don’t hang out in a mall after close.

If you haven’t seen Chopping Mall, or if you just haven’t seen it in a while, do yourself a favor and pop it in today. Come for the killer score, awesome kills and kooky warfare, but stay for the message of our impending technological genocide. Join our Facebook Group, Horror Fiends of Nightmare on Film Street and let us know what you think about the film! While you’re at it, join the resistance against the robots and bookmark Nightmare on Film Street. We will update you with any information about a Chopping Mall remake as it becomes available. In the mean time, if you see a bi-treaded robot with laser eyes and four (count ’em, four) deadly pincers coming your way, load up at your nearest sporting goods store and send that f**ker a Rambo-Gram.

  The post CHOPPING MALL Might Be Our Last, and Only Hope For Survival appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[lifesobeautiful]

The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Doer

Sometimes, we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about our ideas, dreams, and aspirations. It is easy to content ourselves with simply having lofty ideas and not realizing their sheer abundance.

Anyone who has taken a breath has likely had an idea that could have literally changed the course of his or her life in a revolutionary way. Unfortunately, such ideas rarely get implemented. According to Mark Twain, “the secret to getting ahead is getting started.”

If you are tired of inactivity robbing you of your potential, then here are 15 ways to be a doer.

Dreams and Mental Preparedness

Cultivate Your Dream

What would you attempt to do if you knew that you could not fail?

In so many cases, your answer will account for a mere fraction of your potential. This is important.

In order for one to unlock such potential, he must be able to move past mental barriers. Accordingly, meditate on what winning will feel like for the next 30 days. Saturate your mind with the next level, but don’t stop there. Write the vision. Make it plain. Unlock your dormant dreamer and doer!

We tend to move in the direction of our most dominant thought.

Don’t be contained by limited thinking. Your dreams should inspire you to move beyond your comfort zone and into action. Your dreams should also inspire awe from observers.

Whether your dream is prosperity and wealth, helping thousands of people, fitness or a phenomenal career, cultivate your dream. Remember that the dream is the fuel and your plan is the map!

Relinquish Regret

Regret is usually a waste of time – Thomas Crown.

Languishing in regret and despair over past mistakes is counterproductive. It will just rob you of your joy. The energy expended on regret could be put to much better use, like realizing your dreams.

Everyone makes mistakes or missteps occasionally, but the key is extracting the lessons from mistakes and minimizing or even evading future losses. To err is human, but to forgive is divine.

Forgive yourself today.

See Also: How to Avoid The Regret of Yesterday And The Fear of Tomorrow

Let Go of the Stigma of Failure

Similarly, you should not let the fear of failure stop you from working on your goals. John F. Kennedy said those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.

Dave Ramsey, Robert Kiyosaki, Suze Orman, and many others have tasted what many would characterize as failure, only to later achieve extraordinary success. The key lesson is that there is another act to your life’s play.

In How to Appreciate the Pain of Financial Problems, I discussed how failure can be instructive and how it’s just often temporal. It’s simply a matter of opinion that can unleash your creativity.

Don’t let the stigma of failure stop you from achieving your goals, even if you experience an initial setback. If you made a mistake, you are in great company.

Know Yourself

Knowing yourself is so important to getting the maximum return on your efforts. You are unique and have tremendous value. Sometimes, we begrudge our differences from others rather than embracing them.

For example, when I was in pharmacy school, I discovered how I preferred to learn. Sometimes, it was different from the others in my classes.

However, knowing my learning preferences ended up being a great benefit to me because I began to cater to them. Had I not understood and embraced my individuality, content that I now devoured readily would have continued to take me a long time to understand, analyze or evaluate. It is important that every doer honor his differences and use them to his competitive advantage.

Goals and Planning

Plan to Win

To Type-A personalities, it may seem intuitive that making a plan dramatically increases the odds of achieving. However, so many of us fail to systematically plan our finances, careers, health, and our relationships.

Failure to plan is planning to fail.

What’s your success plan?

Often, what is lacking is a plan of action specifying precisely what we want our lives to look like in the next three years and what 6 steps we will take to achieve our goals. A goal without a plan of implementation is a pipe dream. Decide on a course of action today.

Prioritize

Attempting too much is just as dangerous as not attempting anything. Focus is blinding. By focusing on your priorities, you can block out distractions. Sometimes, that means putting down something that is important for a passion that must happen.

Thomas Edison said that he has more respect for the guy with a single idea who develops it than the person with 1,000 ideas but does nothing.

We shouldn’t unnecessarily dichotomize everything into “good” or “bad” when it comes to goals. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of “now” versus “later”.

Harness the power of focus to unleash a determination and passion for your dreams that will make you unstoppable.

See Also: Do You Have Too Many Goals? Here’s How to Prioritize Them

Start Small

Don’t despise small beginnings.

How do you eat an elephant?

The answer is one bite at a time. Just because your goal is to lose 40 pounds this year doesn’t mean you are a failure for losing 10 pounds in the first three months.

In fact, even if you only loss five pounds but have improved your cardiovascular conditioning, diet, and muscularity, you have made significant progress.

Don’t be discouraged by the need to tweak your plan to account for life. Instead, acknowledge your progress and continue moving in the right direction. Remember, people cannot always be what they are not, but they can become what they are not.

Set a Time Limit on Preparation

I love preparation as much as anyone, but doers often set a limit on preparation time.

The downside with spending too much time preparing is that you may never get started. In Poke the Box, Seth Godin argues that it is easy to fall so in love with starting that we never start. If you truly are progressively moving towards your goals via preparation, go for it.

There are some things (and even certain professions) that require years of preparation before they are achieved. However, make sure that you are not using preparation as an excuse to avoid action.

Setting realistic expectations on how much time should be allotted for laying groundwork is a great way to keep preparation time reasonable.

Admit the Joylessness of Over-reaching

While I love setting audacious goals, I also have to caution you regarding goal-setting fatigue. If you are constantly over-reaching, then you risk burnout.

You can still stretch yourself and have phenomenal goals without being perpetually miserable because your goals are so huge that they require miracles to accomplish.

Don’t allow your motivation to wane because you set yourself up for disappointment. Treat such stretch goals as just that: goals designed to push you out of your comfort zone.

Know that they are a part of your overall success plan, but don’t despair if your plans sometimes take longer or go in a different direction than you initially expected. By pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, you are often still better off than the alternatives, provided that your ambitions don’t rob you from experiencing any contentment in the process.

Relationships

Banish Eeyore

Dream-killers, aka “Eeyores”, are some of the most dangerous people that you know. They function as saboteurs to productivity. Regardless of whether they act with the intent of maliciousness, banish (or limit) such disastrous relationships if you plan to be a significant doer.

People providing constructive criticism are fine, such as those providing advice on being objective with your projections. However, those who primarily hinder your progress due to their limited vision need not be included in your elite team.

Network With Achievers

If you want to move beyond your comfort zone, one of the fastest ways is to network with achievers. In fact, while I’m writing this, I have just returned from spending a week with people in my industry who are rock stars.

Being immersed in that environment compelled me to take my game to the next level faster and grander than I had initially planned. When you network and become accustomed to interacting with the next level, it makes you uncomfortable with where you are currently at. Strategically, place yourself in situations that stretch you.

Get an Accountability Partner

While “head knowledge” is good, part of the secret to successful transformations, such as those seen by popular diet programs, is accountability. Your relationship with partners is powerful in achieving your goals. This is because good partners have already gone through the same journey, can see through the lame excuses, and will encourage you during the down times.

Everyone is not suitable to be your accountability partner which is fine. Find the person who will empower you to push past the common to achieve the impossible.

Delegate

Not everything requires your core competencies, so it is not always advantageous to do everything yourself. The ubiquity of businesses such as Elance, Angie’s List, and Fiverr makes finding reasonably-priced freelancers and contractors to delegate to much easier.

It’s one thing to do tasks that are not central to your focus because you enjoy them or lack the finances to hire help, but it is another issue entirely if you are stuck doing something you hate simply because you haven’t inventoried the resources available to you.

Delegation can be a powerful practice. It’ll allow you to develop your strongest areas while relinquishing distractions and increasing your overall productivity.

Deal With Barriers to Motivation

Create an Action Environment

Your environment matters to your productivity, often more than you realize. It’s important that when you sit down to work, you are not bombarded with distractions. It is sometimes difficult to get motivated to do anything productive in the first place.

Thus, the last thing one needs is to get started only to have his or her time wasted on something that’s unimportant.

Creating an action environment may mean shutting off the automatic notification feature on your phone or email at certain times during the day. It could mean removing the candy jar from your desk or logging off of Facebook.

Regardless, create an environment that encourages you to get things done.

Record and Celebrate Your Progress

Acknowledging and celebrating your triumphs can serve as tremendous motivation to continue in your endeavors. Achievers don’t just work hard; achievers play hard too.

When I became debt-free, I threw a huge party just as I would have celebrated a milestone birthday or a graduation. Big hairy audacious goals require time, so when you are victorious, why not celebrate your successes?

The law of recognition says that what you fail to recognize will not be properly acknowledged. What you continually fail to acknowledge will eventually leave your life.

If you value your successes, celebrate them!

Closing Thoughts

Inactivity is one of the greatest thieves of opportunity. Don’t be content with simply having a great idea. After all, an idea is often just a small fraction of the journey. It’s what you do with your ideas, dreams, and passions that count.

Remember, as your thoughts become more, you become more. Therefore, commit to thinking on a higher level, develop high goals and plans of implementation, establish and maintain relationships that add to your life. As you apply these steps consistently, you too will be a doer.

Written by Roshawn Watson, a writer at Watson Inc. on eliminating debt, investing money, and building wealth. Get my free eBook Your Foundation to Wealth by signing up for my email updates (no spam I promise). Get my RSS feed and connect with me on Twitter @roshawnwatson too.

The post The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Doer appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

This article was first shared from Dumb Little Man

[ericvick]

The Final Guideline To Turning out to be A Doer

At times, we devote an inordinate sum of time chatting about our tips, desires, and aspirations. It is effortless to content material ourselves with simply obtaining lofty suggestions and not acknowledging their sheer abundance.

Anyone who has taken a breath has most likely experienced an notion that could have pretty much improved the program of his or her existence in a revolutionary way. Regrettably, these types of ideas almost never get implemented. According to Mark Twain, “the key to receiving ahead is having begun.”

If you are drained of inactivity robbing you of your prospective, then below are 15 means to be a doer.

Goals and Mental Preparedness

Cultivate Your Dream

What would you attempt to do if you realized that you could not fall short?

In so a lot of conditions, your remedy will account for a mere fraction of your likely. This is critical.

In order for just one to unlock such possible, he must be equipped to transfer past mental limitations. Appropriately, meditate on what profitable will come to feel like for the up coming 30 times. Saturate your thoughts with the future stage, but don’t prevent there. Produce the vision. Make it simple. Unlock your dormant dreamer and doer!

We are inclined to shift in the route of our most dominant considered.

Really don’t be contained by minimal considering. Your dreams really should encourage you to transfer further than your comfort zone and into action. Your dreams should also inspire awe from observers.

No matter if your desire is prosperity and wealth, aiding thousands of individuals, health or a phenomenal career, cultivate your desire. Recall that the desire is the gas and your plan is the map!

Relinquish Regret

Regret is commonly a waste of time – Thomas Crown.

Languishing in regret and despair around past faults is counterproductive. It will just rob you of your pleasure. The electrical power expended on regret could be set to substantially greater use, like knowing your goals.

Every person will make errors or missteps at times, but the vital is extracting the classes from blunders and reducing or even evading future losses. To err is human, but to forgive is divine.

Forgive on your own now.

See Also: How to Steer clear of The Regret of Yesterday And The Concern of Tomorrow

Enable Go of the Stigma of Failure

In the same way, you should not enable the worry of failure quit you from performing on your targets. John F. Kennedy stated those people who dare to fail miserably can realize considerably.

Dave Ramsey, Robert Kiyosaki, Suze Orman, and lots of other individuals have tasted what numerous would characterize as failure, only to afterwards accomplish amazing accomplishment. The critical lesson is that there is an additional act to your life’s engage in.

In How to Enjoy the Soreness of Monetary Difficulties, I mentioned how failure can be instructive and how it’s just typically temporal. It is simply a make a difference of belief that can unleash your creative imagination.

Really do not let the stigma of failure end you from achieving your objectives, even if you knowledge an initial setback. If you made a error, you are in great firm.

Know By yourself

Figuring out you is so essential to obtaining the greatest return on your attempts. You are one of a kind and have tremendous value. Sometimes, we begrudge our distinctions from other individuals rather than embracing them.

For case in point, when I was in pharmacy school, I discovered how I favored to master. Sometimes, it was different from the many others in my courses.

However, knowing my studying preferences ended up getting a great gain to me because I commenced to cater to them. Experienced I not understood and embraced my individuality, content material that I now devoured easily would have ongoing to take me a extended time to have an understanding of, analyze or appraise. It is essential that each doer honor his discrepancies and use them to his competitive benefit.

Goals and Planning

Program to Win

To Type-A personalities, it may seem intuitive that creating a strategy significantly raises the odds of accomplishing. Nonetheless, so many of us are unsuccessful to systematically strategy our funds, careers, wellness, and our relationships.

Failure to approach is organizing to fall short.

What is your accomplishment plan?

Often, what is missing is a system of action specifying precisely what we want our life to seem like in the upcoming a few several years and what 6 techniques we will choose to realize our goals. A goal with out a approach of implementation is a pipe aspiration. Determine on a study course of motion now.

Prioritize

Making an attempt too much is just as risky as not trying anything at all. Emphasis is blinding. By focusing on your priorities, you can block out interruptions. Often, that means putting down a little something that is essential for a passion that need to happen.

Thomas Edison reported that he has extra regard for the person with a single plan who develops it than the human being with 1,000 thoughts but does very little.

We should not unnecessarily dichotomize every little thing into “good” or “bad” when it comes to targets. Sometimes, it’s merely a matter of “now” compared to “later”.

Harness the power of concentration to unleash a perseverance and enthusiasm for your goals that will make you unstoppable.

See Also: Do You Have As well Numerous Goals? Here’s How to Prioritize Them

Start off Small

Do not despise smaller beginnings.

How do you try to eat an elephant?

The reply is just one chunk at a time. Just simply because your purpose is to drop 40 pounds this 12 months doesn’t necessarily mean you are a failure for getting rid of 10 kilos in the very first a few months.

In actuality, even if you only decline five pounds but have enhanced your cardiovascular conditioning, food plan, and muscularity, you have designed considerable development.

Don’t be discouraged by the need to have to tweak your approach to account for daily life. As a substitute, accept your progress and carry on transferring in the correct way. Try to remember, persons can’t usually be what they are not, but they can grow to be what they are not.

Established a Time Limit on Preparation

I love planning as a lot as everyone, but doers frequently set a restrict on preparation time.

The downside with shelling out way too significantly time planning is that you might in no way get began. In Poke the Box, Seth Godin argues that it is quick to slide so in enjoy with beginning that we in no way start out. If you truly are progressively relocating in direction of your targets by means of preparing, go for it.

There are some matters (and even selected professions) that need decades of preparation just before they are realized. Even so, make guaranteed that you are not making use of preparing as an excuse to avoid action.

Placing practical anticipations on how much time really should be allotted for laying groundwork is a excellent way to retain preparation time acceptable.

Admit the Joylessness of Over-achieving

Even though I appreciate setting audacious objectives, I also have to warning you regarding intention-location exhaustion. If you are continuously more than-achieving, then you hazard burnout.

You can nonetheless stretch on your own and have phenomenal ambitions without being perpetually miserable due to the fact your ambitions are so massive that they demand miracles to accomplish.

Never make it possible for your drive to wane because you established on your own up for disappointment. Take care of these kinds of extend goals as just that: goals built to force you out of your consolation zone.

Know that they are a section of your general achievement prepare, but do not despair if your programs from time to time choose longer or go in a unique direction than you at first anticipated. By pushing by yourself over and above your consolation zone, you are generally nevertheless greater off than the choices, presented that your ambitions do not rob you from encountering any contentment in the method.

Interactions

Banish Eeyore

Dream-killers, aka “Eeyores”, are some of the most hazardous people that you know. They function as saboteurs to productiveness. Regardless of irrespective of whether they act with the intent of maliciousness, banish (or restrict) this kind of disastrous associations if you approach to be a major doer.

Individuals furnishing constructive criticism are high-quality, such as those people providing suggestions on currently being goal with your projections. Nevertheless, these who generally hinder your development thanks to their constrained vision have to have not be bundled in your elite team.

Network With Achievers

If you want to move beyond your comfort zone, one particular of the fastest ways is to network with achievers. In truth, even though I’m writing this, I have just returned from spending a 7 days with people today in my field who are rock stars.

Staying immersed in that ecosystem compelled me to take my sport to the up coming stage more rapidly and grander than I experienced originally planned. When you network and become accustomed to interacting with the up coming degree, it will make you unpleasant with in which you are currently at. Strategically, spot oneself in predicaments that stretch you.

Get an Accountability Spouse

Though “head knowledge” is superior, part of the top secret to thriving transformations, these types of as those people found by well known eating plan courses, is accountability. Your marriage with partners is strong in attaining your plans. This is because fantastic partners have already gone by the same journey, can see by way of the lame excuses, and will encourage you throughout the down times.

Absolutely everyone is not acceptable to be your accountability associate which is fine. Come across the individual who will empower you to push earlier the frequent to achieve the extremely hard.

Delegate

Not every thing involves your core competencies, so it is not usually beneficial to do almost everything you. The ubiquity of businesses this sort of as Elance, Angie’s Record, and Fiverr will make acquiring reasonably-priced freelancers and contractors to delegate to much less difficult.

It’s one particular issue to do duties that are not central to your concentration because you take pleasure in them or lack the finances to hire support, but it is an additional difficulty entirely if you are stuck carrying out one thing you despise only due to the fact you have not inventoried the sources offered to you.

Delegation can be a highly effective exercise. It’ll let you to produce your strongest places when relinquishing interruptions and expanding your in general productiveness.

Deal With Obstacles to Motivation

Generate an Motion Atmosphere

Your natural environment issues to your efficiency, normally additional than you notice. It’s essential that when you sit down to function, you are not bombarded with distractions. It is sometimes complicated to get enthusiastic to do something effective in the 1st place.

Thus, the final point just one requires is to get began only to have his or her time squandered on some thing which is unimportant.

Creating an action atmosphere may well signify shutting off the computerized notification element on your mobile phone or electronic mail at specified moments during the working day. It could signify getting rid of the sweet jar from your desk or logging off of Fb.

Regardless, create an atmosphere that encourages you to get points done.

Document and Celebrate Your Development

Acknowledging and celebrating your triumphs can provide as large commitment to keep on in your endeavors. Achievers do not just operate challenging achievers enjoy tricky also.

When I grew to become personal debt-free, I threw a substantial social gathering just as I would have celebrated a milestone birthday or a graduation. Major furry audacious aims demand time, so when you are victorious, why not celebrate your successes?

The regulation of recognition says that what you are unsuccessful to recognize will not be effectively acknowledged. What you regularly are unsuccessful to accept will at some point go away your life.

If you worth your successes, rejoice them!

Closing Views

Inactivity is a person of the greatest burglars of prospect. Never be articles with simply getting a fantastic concept. After all, an strategy is normally just a modest portion of the journey. It’s what you do with your thoughts, goals, and passions that rely.

Try to remember, as your views come to be more, you turn into a lot more. For that reason, commit to pondering on a bigger degree, build superior targets and plans of implementation, create and preserve associations that incorporate to your daily life. As you utilize these techniques continually, you much too will be a doer.

Prepared by Roshawn Watson, a writer at Watson Inc. on reducing personal debt, investing cash, and developing prosperity. Get my free Ebook Your Foundation to Wealth by signing up for my e mail updates (no spam I assure). Get my RSS feed and join with me on Twitter @roshawnwatson too.

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[mojput-mypath]

THE PATH IS PAVED WITH BROWN-BRICK BLOCKS

No one ever told me the path of awakening is going to be so crappy!

You do a course to release stress and get super sick either before during or after the program - it’s called ‘cleansing’.

You sing mantras and start cry like a baby - but be aware that these are tears of gratitude, of course, even though you feel your insides twisting.

You do a yoga course, all sorts of garbage starts coming out, you get an elephant’s head size headache.

Your chosen cleansing format usually includes a great amount of pooping. The healthiest detox food is tasteless and gives you cramps. Don’t get me started on the emotional turmoil side-effects.

I guess the higher you fly the deeper you get to dig in. Luckily, as we know reincarnation to be a fact, we are not only letting go of traumas, impressions and attachments from this life, but from many, many more, prior to this one. Quite some work!

I guess the spiritual path, at least for me, has been all about going from extremes towards equanimity. It’s been a bumpy ride.

Every time I discover how crap I am, I realise how little I can do to correct it. It’s all about the letting go. But you cannot actually let go, because that means you are doing something akka ‘letting go’. So let go, without making an effort to let go! How, man?

OBSERVING MY WAY TO HELL

Another one is the observing thing. Observe. Yeah right. When I’m in an emotional drama, I am so far from my centre, from my Self, my being, and I want to scream and kick in order to get further and further away, so I can wallow in my unhappiness and unloved-ness. But noooo. You have to observe. And what to observe? Exactly what you DO NOT want to observe. Yet, when you finally get to the observing, you need to check yourself for pretend-observation. “I’m observing, but the drama is still there!” Well, that would not be IT. If you actually manage to observe what is going on and manage to drag all of your laser attention to the body part where it’s all a-cookin’, then it really does INSTANTLY go away. If you manage to get to that point. And then? Then repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Like for example, when I talk about my love problems, the non-existent love – problems, I get to hear: you should wear some dresses and make-up! People actually did say that. Something that still really pushes my buttons. I am queer and gender-weird, and feel that binary gender and/or sex is a social construct very far from reality of life. When I feel lady-like, I get to be as lady-like as I FEEL to be. When I feel boyish, I dress boyish. When I feel childish, I wear childish, when I feel grown-up, I wear grown-up. Why on earth would I wear more feminine clothes in order to get someone’s attention? I would rather someone sees me at my worst, my nightmare-ish, dramatic, wild self and says: Wow! That is genuine, that is so insane and that is who I want to spend more time with, bring it on!

https://www.instagram.com/itspeteski

ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS

I have several tendencies. One is to over-analyse EVERYTHING. Another one is to always do my best to see from more than one angle. Especially the one that is opposite from mine. Every time my buttons get pushed, I do two things. First, I judge the person or people. I convince myself I have a ‘realistic’ judgement, and that the fact is that they are wrong in some way. Then I go on to analyse why my buttons got pushed, meaning why I got upset. What is it in me that attracted that person and situation in my reality? What did I want to see/learn about myself through the other?

First, judgement only means I am not enlightened. I would wish to comply to what my teacher tells me and what I myself very often experience: that every person is a multitude of impressions, emotions, situations, reactions etc. Whatever it is that I experience with another person is my unique experience, and there may be many people in their life who do not have the same view nor experience I do, with them. Phew, long sentence. Ergo, the person as I experience them, has showed themselves to me in a way that I attracted. That person is not only a bundle of behaviours that are visible to me. The person is much more than that! Aaaaaaand, also, we are all born innocent, and we are ALL God’s children (yes, even the evil ones), all bearing the same substance at our deepest core – love and light. Aaaaaaaaw.

Second, how is it possible that I only wish for joy in my life, but my subconscious is attracting people and situations that do not bring me pure joy and bliss?! Well, because the subconscious is crap! The subconscious creates the game, the dance, the play of life, of being born in this life, on this planet. To rediscover what we already know and is buried deep inside us. If we were aware and enlightened – where would all the fun be in? 7 billion enlightened souls on Earth? I guess we would have a massive ‘leaving the body’ episode and that would be the end of sentient life. There would not be any need for anything, because everyone would be detached and untouched by happenings, karma, people – and then what? No wars, no sharing, no caring, no illness, no happiness, no-thing! It would be too boring to incarnate!

EVERYDAY IN EVERY WAY I LEARN SOMETHING NEW

Today and every day I realise amazing lessons. Today I realised that life can beat us up and that life can really gently care for us – through the same person! All the knowledge that Mr. G shared with us can really be seen. He says: “One never knows when a friend turns into an enemy & vice-versa.” It is really true. I experienced it, that is how I know.

I also realised our perceptions can be so very limited. On the example of parents. We were kids and something happened in regard to our parents. Later in life, depending on who you feel more close to, your mother, your father or yourself, that is the perception you take to have been reality in that past situation. Also, sometimes we don’t understand people and we don’t see them as they are. It can go on for some time. For some, it can be a lifetime. Somewhere, sometime, it is possible for your attitude or perception to change and you say: I was wrong in judging that person this whole time! You understand the truth at some point. At the time you understood another truth, your perception was limited, and then one day it was less limited. But if you saw things in the same way from the beginning, you would miss the moment of the change of perception! Such a precious moment. When your perception changes and you see more clearly all of a sudden – such beautiful times… Full of awareness, forgiveness and relief.

You know, I had such a hard time lately. And the moment came where it stopped being hard. And now it is so beautiful and so lovely, and so blissful and calm, that I don’t regret the crappy time at all. Opposites complement each other – such a simple statement (another pearl of wisdom from Sri Sri). They indeed do so.

I also learned: Awareness of myself, my untouched nature. Feminine strength and masculine attitude. My success and growth is in a way also the success and growth of my parents. There is no need to hide my love and kindness.

ASHRAM BABY LEARNING TO FLY

I realised I lived in a lovely balloon and resisted the lessons I was supposed to learn. I heard today again that the only way to learn new things and to move out of difficult times, emotions and situations is to go directly through them. To live through them.

It can be so lovely to live in the ashram, to care only about your inner world, and ignore or set aside the whole world out there. And that is what I really needed. I know people have lived through worse, but I really feel that I needed to go to rehab for all the things I have lived through, from my parent’s divorce, war and moving between cities, living with different parents at different times and then going through drugs and all forms or awareness killers. I really, really needed the time to reconcile with all the things that happened in my life and move away from my destructive nature. I really needed the time to commit to my spiritual path and set my roots there.

Now, that I am out there, in the world, I realise how supportive my ashram life was. Yet, I always felt I need to get out of the safety and move on in a different direction. And now I see what all are the things I was protected from.

One of them is responsibility. Whatever you cannot learn in the ashram will wait for you outside. Before it was my mom who took full care of me, then it was additionally the ashram, and now I see I have to stop being such a baby and really take bigger responsibility for my life and work. Whether that means I will work in a bakery or be a company director – is irrelevant. I need to make my own decisions and take the punch for whatever the consequences come through. Without thinking a divine power or my mommy will forever protect me for ever having a tough experience.

I was so much in my comfort zone in the ashram, and that helped me become the strong person that I am today. The safe environment helped me get the best out of me and see that I have everything I need.

Here I am now, spreading my wings, bumping into real walls and figuring out how to live with people who do not have the same spiritual beliefs and attitudes like me. Learning how to live, when to let go, when not to. What to stand by, what to leave be. What all this says about who I am, and what I stand for.

_______________________________________________________________________

PUT JE POPLOČAN SMEĐIM CIGLAMA

Nitko mi nikad nije rekao da će put buđenja biti tako usran!

Odeš na tečaj oslobađanja od stresa i grozno se razboliš prije, tijekom ili nakon programa – i to ti se se zove ‘čišćenje’.

Pjevaš mantre i počneš plakati poput djeteta – ali budi svjestan da su to suze zahvalnosti, naravno, iako ti se unutrašnjost izokrenula iznutra na van.

Odeš na tečaj joge, i sva sranja počnu izlaziti, prvo te glava zaboli, osjećaš kao da je slonovske veličine sa svom tom boli.

Izabrao si oblik čišćenja koji najčešće uključuje veliku količinu kakanja. Najzdravija prehrana za detoksifikaciju je bezukusna i od nje imaš grčeve u crijevima. A tek nuspojave u obliku emocionalnih uragana.

Pretpostavljam da što više letiš, to dublje moraš prokopati. Sva sreća što znamo da postoji reinkarnacija, pa također i znamo da ne otpuštamo samo traume, utiske i vezanosti iz ovog života, već iz mnogih prijašnjih. Ima tu posla!

Pretpostavljam također da je moj duhovni put označen vraćanjem u sklad, nakon perioda ekstrema. Samo takav je taj put!

Svaki put kada shvatim koliko sam loša, shvaćam kako ima toliko malo toga što mogu napraviti kako bih to ispravila. Sve je u otpuštanju. Ne možeš zapravo otpustiti, jer to isto znači da radiš nešto, znači da ne otpuštaš. Dakle, otpusti, bez napora da otpustiš! Kako, čovječe?

PROMATRAM SVOJ PUT DO PAKLA

Još jedan način je promatranje. Promatraj. Aha. Pogotovo kad sam u emocionalnoj drami, toliko sam daleko od svog centra, od Sebe, svog bića, jedino što želim je vrištati i opirati se kako bi otišla još i dalje od sebe, kako bih se mogla utopiti u vlastitoj nesreći i nevoljenosti. Ali neeee. Moraš promatrati. A što to treba promatrati? Upravo ono što NE ŽELIŠ promatrati. Kad napokon počneš promatrati, moraš samog sebe provjeravati da nije da se samo pretvaraš da promatraš. “Promatram, ali i dalje je drama!” Onda to ne bi bilo TO. Ako uspiješ uistinu promatrati što se događa, i uspiješ potegnuti svoju lasersku pažnju na dio tijela gdje se sve skupa zakuhalo, onda uistinu odmah nestane. Ako se uspiješ dovući do te točke. I onda? Onda ponavljanje, ponavljanje, ponavljanje.

Na primjer, kada pričam o svojim ljubavnim problemima, ili nepostojećim ljubavnim štogod, ljudi mi kažu nesto poput: trebala bi nositi haljinice i šminkati se! Zbilja su mi to rekli. To je nešto što mi zbilja stišće gumbe (botune, dugmad). Ja sam queer, imam neuobičajene definicije roda, i osjećam da je rodna i spolna binarnost daleko od stvarnosti. Kada se osjećam kao dama, obučem se onako kako se u tom trenu OSJEĆAM. Kad se osjećam dečkasto, oblačim se dečkasto. Kad se osjećam kao dijete, obučem se kao dijete, a kada se osjećam kao odrasla osoba, obučem se kao odrasla osoba. Zašto bi, pobogu, nosila ženstveniju odjeću kako bih zadobila nečiju pažnju? Radije bih da me netko vidi u najgorem izdanju, kada sam manifestacija noćne more, drame i divlje sebe – i da kaže: Wow! Ova osoba je autentična, ovo je toliko suludo i to je netko s kim želim provoditi vrijeme – o da!

ANALIZA-PARALIZA

Imam nekoliko tendencija. Jedna od njih je da previse analiziram SVE. A druga je da se uvijek trudim sagledati stvari iz više od jednog kuta. Pogotovo iz kuteva koji su suprotni mom kutu. Svaki put kad me stisne nešto, napravim dvije stvari. Prvo, osudim osobu ili osobe. Uvjerim se da je moja prosudba ‘realistična’ i da je činjenica da drugi nisu u pravu. Onda idem u analizu svojih bolnih točaka, i pitam se zašto me nečije ponašanje uznemirilo. Što je to u meni da sam privukla osobu i situaciju u svoju stvarnost? Što sam htjela uvidjeti/naučiti o sebi kroz iskustvo s drugom osobom? Kao prvo, prosudba s moje strane samo znači da nisam prosvjetljena. Voljela bih da mogu upotrijebiti ono čemu me učitelj podučava i što i sama često iskusim: da je svaka osoba sastavljena od višeslojnih utisaka, osjećaja, reakcija itd. Štogod je moje iskustvo s tom osobom, to iskustvo je samo moje. Moguće je da postoje ljudi u njihovom životu, koji bi mogli istu identičnu situaciju potpuno drugačije doživjeti i protumačiti, nego što sam je ja doživjela. Dakle, osoba koju ja doživljavam ispred sebe se meni pokazala na način koji sam je ja privukla i kako sam je protumačila. Također, ta osoba nije samo nakupina ponašanja koja su samo meni vidljiva. Ta osoba je mnogo mnogo više od toga! Isto tako, svi smo rođeni nevini, i svi smo mi Božja djeca (da čak i oni zločesti), svi smo satkani od iste supstance u našem najdubljem središtu – od ljubavi i svjetlosti. Aaaaah.

Kao drugo, kako je moguće da ja sebi želim samo radost u životu, ali moja podsvijest privlači ljude i situacije koji mi ne donose čisto blaženstvo i sreću? Dakle, podsvijest je zeznuta stvar! Podsvijest kreira igrice, ples, igru života, ovog rođenja u ovaj život, na ovoj planeti. Kako bi ponovno otkrili sve ono što već znamo, ali je zakopano duboko untar nas samih. Kada bi svi bili svjesni i prosvjetljeni – gdje bi tu bila zabava? 7 bilijuna prosvjetljenih duša na planeti? Pretpostavljam da bi se dogodilo jedno mega ‘napuštanje tijela’ i to bi bio kraj života na zemlji. Ne bi više bilo potrebe ni za čim, zato što bi svi bili nevezani i netaknuti događanjima, karmom, ljudima – i što onda? Nema ratova, nema dijeljenja, nema brige jednih za druge, nema bolesti, nema sreće, nema ničeg! Bilo bi se dosadno inkarnirati!

SVAKI DAN NA RAZNE NAČINE UČIM NOVE STVARI

Danas i svaki dan shvaćam nevjerojatne lekcije. Danas sam shvatila još jednom kako nas život može baš tući, i kako nas može brižno njegovati – kroz istu osobu! Svo znanje koje Gdin. G dijeli s nama se baš može doživjeti. Kaže ovako: “Nikada ne znamo kada se prijatelj može pretvoriti u neprijatelja i obrnuto”. To je stvarno istina. Iskusila sam to, zato znam. Shvatila sam isto kako nam percepcija može biti jako ograničena. Na primjeru roditelja. Kad smo bili djeca, svašta smo doživjeli s njima. Kasnije  u životu, ovisno o tome s kim se osjećaš bliskije u datom trenutku, s majkom ili s ocem, ili sa sobom, preuzmeš percepciju te situacije  koja više ide u prilog toj osobi s kojom si bliskiji. Isto tako, nekada ne razumijemo ljude i ne vidimo ih onakvima kakvi jesu. To može biti tako neko određeno vrijeme. Za neke, možda i cijeli život. Nekad, negdje, moguće je, da ti se stav prema toj osobi ili razumijevanje te osobe toliko promijeni da kažeš: Bila sam u krivu što sam te osuđivala cijelo ovo vrijeme! U nekom trenu shvatiš što je bila istina. U jednom periodu razumiješ da je istina drugačija, da ti je viđenje bilo ograničeno, a u drugom trenu je manje ograničeno. Da si od samog početka već imao finalno viđenje, propustio bi trenutak promjene viđenja, a to je toliko dragocjen trenutak! Kad dođe do toga da ti se percepcija promijeni, i odjednom vidiš sve puno jasnije nego prije – je predivno razdoblje… Puno svjesnosti, oprosta i olakšanja.

Znaš, u zadnje vrijeme mi je baš bilo naporno. Trenutak kada su stvari toliko teške je prošao. Sada je toliko lijepo, toliko divno, puno blaženstva i mira, da uopće ne žalim što je bilo turbulentno. Suprotnosti se nadopunjuju – tako jednostavna izjava (još jedna verzija zrnca mudrosti od Sri Sri-ja). Uistinu je to tako.

Još sam naučila:

Svjesnost sebe, svoje vlastite netaknute prirode. Ženstvena snaga, muški stav. Moj uspjeh i rast je na neki način uspjeh i rast mojih roditelja. Nema potrebe da skrivam svoju ljubav i dobrotu.

AŠRAMSKA BEBICA UČI LETJETI

Shvatila sam da sam živjela u prelijepom balončiću i opirala sam se lekcijama koje sam trebala naučiti. Opet sam danas čula da je jedini način da naučiš nove stvari i kreneš dalje iz teških razdoblja, osjećaja i situacija, je da prođeš ravno KROZ sve to. Proživiš ih do kraja.

Može biti prelijepo živjeti u ašramu, brinuti se za svoj unutarnji svijet, i ignorirati ili staviti sa strane cijeli vanjski svijet. I to je ono što mi je zbilja bilo potrebno. Znam da su ljudi proživjeli i gore, ali osjećam da mi je zbilja bila potrebna rehabilitacija od svih stvari koje sam proživjela – od rastave braka roditelja, rata i seljakanja između gradova, do života malo s jednim, pa malo s drugim roditeljem i na kraju proživljavanje drogiranja i ostalih puteva kojima se svjesnost uguši. Stvarno mi je vrijeme bilo potrebno da se pomirim sa svim stvarima koje su mi se izdogađale u životu, da se udaljim od svoje vlastite destruktivne prirode. Trebalo mi je to vrijeme da se posvetim svom duhovnom putu i tu dobro pustim korijenje.

Sada, kada sam vani u svijetu, shvaćam koliko je život u ašramu bio podržavajuć. Također, uvijek sam osjećala potrebu da se maknem iz te sigurne okoline i krenem u jednom drugom  smjeru. Sada tek vidim koje su to stvari od kojih sam bila zaštićena.

Jedna od tih stvari je odgovornost. Štogod nisi savladao u ašramu, dočekat će te tamo vani.

Ranije je majka bila ta koja se sasvim brinula za mene, zatim ašram, a sada vidim da moram prestati biti bebica i uistinu preuzeti veću odgovornost za svoj život i posao. Bilo da to znači da ću raditi u pekari ili biti direktorica – je nevažno. Moram donositi svoje vlastite odluke i primiti udarac za posljedice svojih postupaka. Bez da uvijek mislim da bez obzira što napravim, mamica ili ašramić će me pokriti i neće dopustiti da imam teško iskustvo.

Toliko sam bila umotana u svoju zonu komfora u ašramu, i to mi je pomoglo da postanem snažnija osoba danas. Ta sigurna okolina mi je pomogla da se osjećam sigurno, i da iz tog prostora izvučem ono najbolje od sebe i da osjetim da imam sve što mi treba.

Sada sam tu gdje jesam, širim svoja krila, zabijam se u stvarne zidove i pokušavam otkriti kako živjeti s ljudima koji nemaju ista duhovna uvjerenja i stavove kao i ja. Učim kako živjeti, kada otpustiti, kada ne. Iza čega stajati, a čemu dati da ode. Što ovo sve govori o tome tko ja uistinu jesam, i što predstavljam.

[deancanseecastielshalo]

2, 17, 28, 34, 40, 53, 56, 71, 97, 98, 118, 119, 133, 145, 150, 163, 177, 195, 200, 202, 210. 216 ~" it's a lot so have fun" mwahahaha boo

Do I have any nicknames? ,,(Oh shit) Okay so: Ruby, Kenneth, Jen, Jenjo, Dean, Princess, Smol, Spud, Jenny (its technically a nickname), Wendy, Sweetcheeks, Lu lu, Eric, Steveb, Jen pen, Josh, Joe,, there’s probably a load that I’m forgetting

Pirates or ninjas? Ninjas because fuck you

Something I miss? ,,The atmosphere of my GCSE Graphics class and Art class,, I had a really nice group of friends and I’m still friends with them but,, now we’re all over the world,, and one of my best ever brochachos is living in australia,,, and I hardly ever get chance to meet up with my bestest dude who shares my stupid sense of humour,,, and like,,,,,,, I just really miss us all being together,,,,,,, Idk, it’s a little silly,,

Someone I always think about? You. And my Ash-chan. And my family tbh. It’s like a cycle

What do I think about most? I don’t wanna say food and art stuff, but like,,,,, it’s food and art stuff

What makes me smile? Pasta

What is my song of the week? Pretty Visitors - Arctic Monkeys

Something I wish I could do? Cook good food? Make money off doing art/designing stuff? Idk

Can I bake? ,,,Imma go with no

3 things I love? Flowers! The Stars! Wooly jumpers to keep you warm!

Do I like space? Y E S

Do I like the deep ocean? I  D O  N O T  K N O W  H O W  T O  F E E L  A B O U T  T H E  O C E A N ,, ,

Do I talk to myself? Ya

In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Oh dang idk??? Me: Yo I wanna say Emma Stone cuz I think she’s cute lmao,, Friends: A bunch of fucking nerds,, Family: Mom - Julie Walters cuz she’s super nice and always beautiful, Suze - Ahh, the girl from City of Ember, ohh what’s her name,,,,,, UGH you get who I mean, Jason - Er, either Andrew Garfield, Ryan Reynolds or Ben Wishaw, Dad - Idfk? The, er, the fucking?? The John Winchester guy, Idk

What is the best decision I have made in life so far? Just deciding to got give a H about what someone’s opinion of me is? Like, I feel a load nicer in myself for the fact that I dress and look to please myself and make myself feel pretty and honestly just looking in the mirror and seeing that maybe my hairs a little messy or my skin is sometimes greasy but just really looking at myself and still thinking that I look cute? For myself? I think that was the best think I’ve ever done tbh

What do I love most about myself? I think I’m kinda funny? Or at least I like that I can make people laugh sometimes,,

Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? ,,Ah gee, I gotta think,,,, um maybe, like, The dream I had last night was something to do with Arin and Dan and, like, we were somewhere in the Alps but also it was a massive house and we just watch dog racing or something and I think my mom and Suze where there? And I feel like Jason, Jim and some other people were there too and I can’t remember why but there was something to do with a train in there? Idk

Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Ya, dude! Like, the whole idea of them is incredible and we could be so completely different to them? Or the same????? THAT’S SO COOL??????

Dragons or wizards? Wizards. Like dragons are cool but if you wizards you could make/summon dragons

How do I define love? Compassion that allows for understanding and acceptance across all known circumstances. Forgiveness.

What is on my bucket list? Idk, I don’t really have one lmao

Favourite fictional character? ,,Er, Ruby or Pearl from Steven Universe maybe

[sarenthestalwart]

Hush, a Short Story by Michael Grant Shipley

It’s early afternoon out here in this beautiful waste and I’m melting like wax on a candle. I have been chopping logs since noon-time, my palms feel like they have been squeezed into a vice, my eyes sting from the salt in my sweat, and I don’t dare let myself mind. I have a house, pigs, and a baby to be thinkin’ bout. One last chop. That should be enough for the stove. Maybe I should do beans and a slice off one of the hogs.

Josiah. Sweet Jozy. Three weeks it has been. Three weeks, two days, and a hundred and more longings between the hours. I ache when I know you ain’t there. I know you’ll be back. You’re my husband. And I’ve got Lil’ Mo to keep those hours full. Those pigs can even be most captive listeners when I have something in my heart to tell. But Mo’s a knowing little pip, he senses it. How empty the house is when just one of us isn’t in it. The worst is when Mo is fast asleep and all I can hear is the breath of the wind as it gently licks my face.

Mm. Muh. This new load of fire logs feels like I’m carrying a baby grizzly. These arms have gotten some more muscle since I came to this frontier. I’ve gotten to likin’ the heat that burns in my arms and shoulders after some hard chopping. My Josiah still holds like I was that soft little thing he met years before. Mo doesn’t complain either. Oh. Wait. I think I hear him. He’s fixin’ up for a holler. Hold on young one, your Momma’s on her way.

It doesn’t take a lot of effort as I balance the bunch of logs in the crook of my left arm and get to the front door. The heat ain’t so bad inside, and I drop those logs into a neat pile next to the stove. I can see Lil’ Mo standing peeking his head over his cradle, his chubby little grabbers are reaching out and his whimpers beckoning. I hear you, child, I’m coming. I slip both of my hands under Mo’s armpits and I lift him up into my bosom. He’s a heavy porker of a babe, but I think he is lighter than a chippy chick and prettier than morning birds. I lightly bounce him in my arms while I hum a melody to him. No real rhythm in my tune, just a sweet birdsong that’ll keep his mind off of crying. There have been days where that gentle hum doesn’t quiet his whimpers or cries. Days where I’m aching for you worse than ever, my sweet Jozy. And Mo can sense it too. Nights when those damn coyotes are whooping their wails, and all I can do is bounce and hum to Mo.

Mo’s going all calm again. I smile down at him forlornly and give the top of his head a kiss. My arms still feel like they were rubbed with warm coals. And it’s still just me and my Mo.

The wind whickers against the house again. Wait. What is this? What’s that sudden chill? I hear something. I continue to bounce Mo as I walk to the broader side of the house to see out the window. I pull back the curtain with my middle finger. Uh. Why do I feel weary? What’s that sound? I keep looking at the rolling hills of cracked earth until I get my answer. Someone’s riding towards here.

Josiah! No. There’s two coming. Two riders on two brown horses. I can’t see what they are. They’re coming closer. They’re wearing…. Sombreros? They look like they have dust all over them. Oh no. Are those bandits!?

I’ve heard of stories like this from my neighbors across the frontier. Bandits from further South who come knockin’ at these other farms while the men are away! Three months ago, Lizy Vernon from southwest of here had her house completely sacked by desperados while her Papa was selling his sheep. What do I do? The rifle! Where’s the rifle!? No, wait! Suze from the Dendrite Farm had her youngest brother hanged when he tried to fight back against those same bandits. What would they do to Mo if I tried shootin’? I could miss. They could over power me.

The cellar! I just stay real quiet and keep Mo close until they leave! So, with no more second thoughts, I frantically but deftly slide under the table and carefully open the trap door leading to the dark cellar. I wiggle in, mindful not to hurt Mo, and close the hatch securely down. I wait.

Creeeeeaaaak. Chunk chunk chunk. They’re inside. I can hear ‘em. Chunk chunk. They’re tromping around up there. Damn bandits! Chunk. I don’t care what you two do up there. Chunk chunk chunk chunk. Just do it and gallop out of here!

I can hear ‘em moving our belongings around. A tightness grips my belly. I don’t want them to take anything valuable but I can’t put Mo’s life in danger. Suddenly, Mo starts to squirm in my arms. He’s getting nervous, and that means he could start making noise. I bounce him in my arms hoping that it’ll keep him calm. Then he starts to whimper. I bounce him harder and I start to quietly hum. He keeps whimpering. Please, Mo, please! I know you’re frightened and that’s dark down here but please! We can’t let them find us! I keep humming hoping it’s not loud enough for these intruders to hear, but Mo isn’t having it. I can feel that he’s going to start crying and then he’ll wail and then those bandits will have their God knows what way.

Forgive Momma, Mo. But I have to keep us safe and hidden. I bring Mo close to my breast. Not too harshly, just softly enough so his cry is muffled. Those wasters ain’t find’n us. I’m won’t let Jozy come home to a dead wife and son. I can feel the Mo’s little breaths as he tries to keep crying. The intruders keep making a rattle above us. Now I can feel Mo start to squirm, his breaths are more frantic. I know you’re frightened my baby, but I can’t let ‘em find us. Please, oh please just bear with it a little more.

They keep on their trouncing. I can hear mutterin’, can’t make out what their saying, and I don’t care to neither. Their still stepping about. I’m so focused on any sign of them leaving that I don’t take notice of Mo’s squirming lessening. Then they stop. No more foot falls. No sound of anything being moved. Did they leave?

Mo’s not squirming anymore. Must’a calmed down. Did they leave?

Scrrrrrratch. Chunk, chunk, chunk. Those sounds reignite the panic that was roiling in my belly. They’re still in the house! What’s going on? What are they movin’?

“Hey… Javi!” That one’s speech is slurred. He sounds like a regular fella. What’s he doing? “T-t-th-here’s a… door under this table!”

No.

“Ey? Oh. Well don’t just look at it puto… See what’s behind it.”

No! Nonononono! I can feel hot tears well in my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen! Oh Gods! Angels! Jozy! Anybody! Make their arms lame! Strike them with fire and lightning! Lift me and Mo up and away from here!

The trap door rattles. It rises and falls. It doesn’t open, though. That stutterin’ one is moaning and groaning, knockin’ his knuckles against the door. What’s he tryin’ to do? The other invader speaks up. He has a titter in his voice. “Dios, Bruce! Whatchu doing?”

“Doing… What- What you… said.”

“Eesh. Get away. Go outside pendejo.” There’s a thud against one of the walls. The Hispanic must’ve shoved his partner.  “I’ll get the stup-eed door, you get the horses.”

Oh no. What do I do, what do I do!? Think! I have to protect Mo, but I can’t die either! Think! Think!! THINK!!! No time! The trap door flings open and light from the outside floods the cellar. I let out a cry as I bury Mo into my chest and turn my back to the door. This is it. The end. Goodbye Josiah.

Nothing happens. No gunshots. No rush towards me. Nothing.

“Ey! Yah Javi! What is- what is it?” The regular fella shouts from outside. Gingerly, I turn back around to face the intruder.

“Heh, is just some beetch and her brat.” I can see that he has a brown face that’s dominated by a tar-black beard. He’s a Hispanic man. Then he speaks. “Chey, you got any good stuff down there?” He hefts a smudgy bottle into my view. It’s got some sort of orange-brown liquid swilling around in it. “We about to go empty.”

Alcohol? That’s what they were after? I move a touch closer to climb the steps, still defensively holding Mo to my side. I’m surprised none of this has stirred him. Getting closer, I examine the Hispanic. I don’t see any guns on him. No bullets neither. Or even a knife. He’s just coated in a layer of dust. Then the regular fella shouts again.

“Well! Duh she got any whiskey!? Rye?” I’m now out of the cellar and I’ve got a good look at my intruders. The regular fella’s got his hand resting on frame of the front door. Actually, it looks like he’s trying to not fall over into my floor. Again. I see no guns, no bullets, just a dusty face and dustier clothes. The Hispanic speaks again.

“Chee isn’t saying a thing.” The Hispanic takes a swig from the smudged bottle. Then I look to his partner and he’s got a similar bottle, except his was drained near to the bottom. These intruders were drunk. Drunk as a two-legged cat. A fly would have better chance at hurting someone than they could.

“Come on, pendejo. We not getting nothing here.” The Hispanic shuffles his way out the front door while his fella wobbly follows him. The Hispanic has to help him onto his horse before he gets on his. And they’re away.

They’re gone. They’re gone. And I had nothing to fear. Oh God, my heart could have sounded a battalion with how hard it was pounding. It’s still a-jumping. Mo? Baby? What’s the matter? They’re gone. Those wasters are gone. Why aren’t you doing nothing?

I carefully press my hand into chest. Just a tiny push. Nothing. Then I put my fingers to his scalp to brush. Nothing. Not a move. I move my ear to his mouth. Not a hint of a cry. Not a whimper. Not a breath.

Oh Josiah.

Forgive me.

END

[cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog]

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"Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

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Is Progressive Auto Insurance a good company?

I have several insurance quotes from State Farm and Allstate, and Progressive beats the price by almost half. But, when something looks to good to be true, it probably is. Is this good insurance? Are they good with claims?""

How can i start selling life insurance at home and what type of license do i need?

Would i be able to start my own buisness online and localy selling another companys life insurance and setting up appointments what kind of license do i need to sell insurance and for my own buisness do i just selling life insurance for another company do i just need a llc license

How much is it going to cost me a year for car insurance?

i will be 16 in august my car is a chevy cavalier im not sure of the year does anyone know how much it would cost a year for car insurance ?

A question about car insurance in California?

The other day I recieved a letter in the mail that said I need to go get my car insured or it could be suspended. I want to get the cheapest insurance possible (state minimum). What company has the cheapest insurance and how much can I expect to pay per month?

Is it illegal to drive in florida without insurance? ?

Is it illegal to drive in florida without insurance? ?

Can my husband take life insurance out on me without me knowing in the military?

hey my husband is in the military and he has a life insurance policy on him and i only have a small portion of it and everything else goes to his mother but i just recently find out he has life insurance out on me way more than i would get from him and i didnt sign anything so im wondering can he do it without my consent? and can i cancel it?

Does Obama think $600 per month is a low price for health insurance?

Does Obama think $600 per month is a low price for health insurance?

Need a group for medical insurance?

Employer offers very skimpy medical insurance. Individual (i.e., non-group) insurance is very expensive. I have heard that groups have been formed so that members will qualify for group rates. Please tell which groups these are, and what you know about them. Many thanks.""

""If you pay late on your insurance, how quickly will an insurance company drop you?""

Aren't there always other reasons to drop people from insurance? Loopholes, loopholes.""

What happens if your driveing a car with no car insurance and someone hits you.?

We live in California. My seventeen year old was driving our car that was uninsured and was in a accident. The other driver admitted it was his fault and there insurance company has already claimed full responsibility. What I'm wondering is what will happen when they find out we have no insurance. I did yake my son to the doctors and they said he does have wip lash but will be fine

If I have secondary driver Insurance on my Dads car. Am I still covered on our other car aswell?

My Dad put secondary insurance on his car (that I pay) so that I can use it. But he never lets me use it because he takes it to work everyday. But my Step Mom has her car here, and my dad tells me I can't use it because my insurance only covers his car. Is he just being a douche?""

How much will car insurance be for me?

Im 18 and in college with a gpa of 3.5 or so. And i am driving a honda s2000 convertible. I live with my parents and have a clean record for everything. And i also took drivers ed

Where can i get cheap sr-22 insurance?

Where can i get cheap sr-22 insurance?

I need insurance for a scooter for a 19 year old?

scooter insurance for a 19 year old with full car licence and CBT. i am struggling wit the insurance quotes, the cheapest is 500 quid 3rd p f & T. we live in london. any advice. cheers""

I need to find new insurance by March of next year...?

because the insurance I'm under now (TriCare) runs out when I turn 21. Problem is: I have bipolar 2 disorder. Not severe enough for SSDI or anything, but debilitating enough that I need medication to fix it. My meds without insurance total nearly a GRAND a month, not including psychiatrist and therapist visits, about twice a month. Even worse, I only work about 20 hours a week at $8 an hour, so I don't make enough money to AFFORD most types of insurance. But like I said, I don't qualify for disability either. Do you know of any health insurance programs that would be affordable enough for my budget, yet cover my expenses? I've searched sites for weeks and haven't come up with much. Any help will be appreciated! Oh yeah, and I like in Iowa, US - I know that makes a difference.""

""The lug nuts on my tyre are too tight to take off with my socket wrench, any ideas on how to get them off?

I don't know much about cars but I have to change a flat tyre myself as the car doesn't have insurance and can't be taken to the shop. Would there be a tool that i could use to make it easier to take the lug nuts off??

Which company in New Jersey has the lowest Car Insurance?

Which company in New Jersey has the lowest Car Insurance?

How much will my car insurance be?

I am a British student going to Florida to university and by the time I get there I will have just ( within the same month ) done my driving test . I am going there without any guardian and will pro ally buy some cheap car . How much will car insurance be. Ps don't just say Through the roof Or give me a link Just a plain simple awnser

Which auto insurance is the cheapest? HELP PLEASE?

I'm 16 years old and I want insurance on my moms car. What is the cheapest company to have? help please! I really want to drive and moneys a big problem in my family.

How much does insurance through an employer cost?

I just got a job offer and was told that health insurance will cost $210 a month. That sounds really steep to me, is that normal?""

Why is car insurance so expensive for 18 year olds?

I passed my test yesterday, but insurers are being sharks again and charging thousands of pounds for something we might not need, and charging thousands (2600-23,000) for a small car which isn't even worth 1500. I have been riding a motorbike for 2 years beforehand, but no insurer seems to care. What is the best way for someone like me who needs to get on the road because of his job, to get a cheaper quote online? I've done basically everything.""

Is a business insurance payout taxable.?

The company suffered a burglary where a number of capital assets were stolen. They received an insurance payout. The insurance premiums paid were treated as a deduction in the profit and loss account. Basically will this pay out be taxable for Corporation Tax

What are insurance premiums?

I received a letter in the mail saying they will pay me back my insurance premiums.. Is it cash or what? I have no idea what they are...

Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

Which insurance company has the quickest claim?

Okay so I want to know which insurance company would give me the quickest claim without any problems between: state farm, farmers, hardford, and all state?""

Whats the cheapest car insurance arround at the mo?

have had loads of different quotes...

Can you recommend me a good health insurance?

I missed out on signing up for healthy insurance where I work and I'm becoming worried that I might have to go see the doctor soon. So I'd like to get a good quality ...show more

What is mortgage insurance?

I'm supposedly getting a USDA Rural Development loan, it says on the site that you dont pay mortgage insurance and so u can get more of a loan. So do I need any other insurance?""

Which is the cheapest third party car insurance provider in India?

Hi, I have a standard Zen Car 1998 model...I would like to renew my vehicle insurance...till date I used to take a comprehensive insurance policy...however for the last 4 years, I have not had any occasion to claim...I now feel that a third party insurance would be more practical and suitable for my vehicle...unfortunately, Tata AIG, which is my current insurance provider only provides comprehensive insurance...can somebody give me an idea which is the cheapest third party car insurance provider in India...""

What kind of insurance should I get?

I just got my drivers license yesterday and I am going to buy a car from a friend. It is a 1992 turbocharged Volvo SE with 205,000 miles. I am 17. What kind of insurance should I get and with what benefits? (I want it to be cheap)""

Is Medicaid consider as A health insurance?

Hello, I live in Texas and am going to college. My mom wants me to get health insurance stuffs fill out for college, so I have to pay less(? not sure if this is true). The website told me to to file my health insurance so they can take some of the health bill off the insurance.""

Should my car insurance go up this high after an accident?

I got into an accident where I hit someone s bumper in a parking lot. I reported to my insurance company and they took care of it with $750. I was 100% at fault, and expected my renewal to go up, but when it came out, it was $800, which is 100% more than my usual insurance of $400 Does it suppose to go up 100%??!!! And this price will stay on for 6 years!!! That means by the end, I would end up paying $1800 more just to the company!! $1000 more than what I would've paid the guy!! This does not make sense to me whatsoever, first I thought the renewal was just for one year, it will go down bit by bit, but second year is still the same price! I am only a G2 driver who been driving for 3-4 years on PEI in Canada, can that be the reason? Still, $1800 extra?? Plz help me and thank you!""

How much would health insurance cost?

For a single person? I'm 18 and am in great health. I really only ever go to the dermatologist once a year. Thanks!

Unemployment Insurance in California?

I currently receive unemployment insurance. On the check stub it states that my claim expires on 07/2008, although the balance noted on there is less than what I usually receive. I believe its because the 6 month period has ended. My questions is, can I reopen up the claim? Am I still eligible to receive my unemployment insurance until my claim has expired which is 07/2008? I was told that you can claim unemployment insurance for a year, so I don't understand why I only received it for 6 months. I was with my previous employer for 7 years, so it's not like I worked wherever for a short period of time. And I am actively seeking a job, although I have a few expectations so I haven't accepted any offers plus I'm a single mother and I have to work around my parent's schedule cause its way too expensive to leave my daughter at a decent daycare that I can trust. Hopefully someone out there can help me with a few information.""

Why is car insurance so much money for seventeen year old males?

my daughters boyfreind has just passed his driving test, he has been quoted 5000 for his insurance by car insurers. is this true, or is it a joke.""

Do I have to have auto insurance when driving a uhaul?

Ok so My boyfriend and I are planning on renting a uhaul in a few months for our move from Florida to California. We currently do not have auto insurance. If we get pulled over will they ask for proof of insurance? Do we need insurance to drive a rented vehicle? Also does uhaul offer insurance? What does it cover and how pricey is it? I told my bf that you probably dont need insurance to drive a rented vehicle but he disagrees with me. So if you can help me prove him wrong I'd greatly appreciate it.

Young adult health insurance?

Young adult son cannot find job, not in college, has no health insurance - any ideas?""

Engine size/Car insurance?

I'm planning what car I want to buy after I do my test next year. I've seen some nice used Land Rovers, but I'm told the insurance will probably be sky high because of their engine. Is this true? It'll be a 5 door and the engine will probably be 1796. Can anyone explain this to me? The difference in engine size and what that will mean? Thanks""

""In Maryland, is insurance required to drive a car?""

I'm going to be living on my own soon and there's no possible way I can afford it on my own. By the way, does anyone know how much it costs to be insured as an 18 year old on your own policy? What about for a motorcycle?""

Does a car not in use need insurance?

Just wondering what the laws were in Canada if I need insurance on my car that is unplated and probably going to the junk yard in the next 2 weeks (have to scavenge some parts before I let it go) Calling my insurance company tomorrow to add on the new car but wondering if I should take the old car off altogether?

Just passed driving test. 18 years old. What is the cheapest insurance company for me?

Just recently passed 17, turning 18 in a few days. What is the best insurance company in terms of price? also what car would i need to purchase to get the cheapest possible quote? Advice needed!""

How much does will my insurance pay? My car was totalled?

My car was in a serious accident, and is irrepairable. The insurance company is coming down in a day or two to check out the car. I was no at fault, police are still looking for the guy at fault. However, my car is done. Will my insurance company give me the value of replacing a car like that, like if I were to buy one again, or would they give me the book value?""

How much is car insurance?

I am a first time driver, a girl, and I have discounted insurance because I took driver's Ed. How much would it be and how often do you may? (monthly?)""

Can the car insurance company make me pay the higher amount?

I bought new car insurance for $1000/yr a few weeks ago. I filled out all the paper work and have to make my first payment for the next three months in a week. Yesterday they told me they made a mistake and that they will be charging me $2000/yr instead. Do I have to pay the higher amount amount for the time while I was insured by them (about 2 weeks) before they told me they made a mistake (and the mistake was entirely their fault)? I'd think they would need to renew the contract at the new price if I actually wanted to stay with them. I plan on switching companies since it's a horrible rate, but would like to know if I can do anything if they do take the higher rate out of my account (I'm set up for direct withdrawals and I agreed to pay the next 3 months when the rate was $1000)? They probably won't answer my email til monday, so I'm hoping someone here can help me out sooner. Thanks.""

Is Obamacare's goal to provide healthcare for everyone? or requires everyone to BUY health insurance?

Is Obamacare's goal to provide healthcare for everyone? or requires everyone to BUY health insurance?

""Insurance policy,,,,,,,,,,,?

I signed a life insurance policy on the spot. It was an error at some point. I realize that what i needed was a retirement insurance. Is it possible to request the insurance company to change my policy?

New hampshire vs massachusetts car insurance?

Is New Hampshire auto insurance better then Massachusetts auto insurance rates?

Motorcycle insurance quote - Progressive?

I only need insurance on my bike for like a week and progressive only gives me the option to either pay the full 12 month cost ($255) up front now OR 2 payments a year which is $135 up front right now. Im not paying $135 when im only going to be riding it for a week...?

What do you think it would cost for a 2001 cavalier coupe monthly for car insurance?

I just need an estimate, thanks. I don't know where to look...""

Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

Can my criminal record be trased with my national insurance number?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/state-farm-travel-insurance-quote-sandra-stanley/"