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irtza · 4 years

Text

MEADOW BOYS

genre: fluff, angst

pairing: MarkHyuck

cross posted on wattpad (addzthetic) and ao3 (ncteazz)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORKLES ILY

Mark always liked the story of Peter Pan. The idea of never having to grow up appealed to his eight year old self, it appealed to his eleven year old self, and it appeals to his twenty two year old self. He wanted to know what it felt like to never age, to see the world from the glassy doe eyes of a youth. To always prance around with stable limbs and laugh with nefarious smiles that adults would label troublemakers.

He didn't have a childhood, at least, not a conventionally normal one. "Ten hours of studying or ten hours of practice everyday, Minhyung?" His mother had asked him seriously, when he came with stars in his eyes and a slur of syllables tumbling from his mouth about how he passed, he passed some random audition for one of the biggest music companies in Korea, and they told him he could be a star.

He'd chosen the latter, moved halfway across the world without a single goodbye to friends he had held dear, but not dear enough to give up a dream of stardom and fame and love.

Sometimes, his sixteen year old self would slump over his desk, too worn out to continue studying, because reading Korean was literally the hardest thing ever, and he would wonder how life would be if he hadn't come to SM. If he hadn't met Johnny, who calmed him down when he'd nearly had a meltdown on how he struggled with basic Korean. He wondered how it would have been back in Vancouver, where he would probably still be up at four am, probably studying calculus instead of some stupid grammar rules.

He wondered how life would have been if he hadn't met them. Six little boys he had come to adore as he continued to train and train and train, breaths fogging up the mirror in the practice room and clothes drenched in sweat.

Renjun would study with him, sometimes. He'd make a snarky comment in broken English that would make Mark giggle. Having a conversation with Renjun in Korean wasn't so bad, at least they couldn't really make fun of each other.

Jeno was sweet. When he smiled his eyes would turn into crescent moons and his little cheeks would puff out. Mark didn't find many things cute, but Jeno's smile was probably the only thing he'd melt at. Jaemin was a literal ray of sunshine - he was the cause of Jeno's smile half the time, and was the cause of Mark's own the rest of it. He was cheerful, lively, sweet and loving. He was loud and caring and extremely touchy.

And then, there was Jisung. Jisung was a baby, a literal baby, far younger than Mark had been when he joined. He was thirteen, and so, so delicate. Mark was surprised when he saw Jisung's popping skills, though. The kid had more power than he let on - but that was probably only in dance. If he were to punch Mark, a bruise would form from how bony he was, not really because he was strong.

Chenle had joined them a little late - he literally learnt Korean with the help of Google Translate, Park Jisung, and the occasional lessons from a tutor. Mark couldn’t have been prouder of the small boy with chubby chins, curly hair and a high pitched voice.

And lastly, Donghyuck.

Donghyuck was a literal menace and that was something Mark would say with absolute conviction, a tone of finality in his voice, and no, he would not take constructive criticism. Donghyuck Lee was charming, funny, cute, and so, so very annoying.

Mark threatened to leave SM because of him, and while the boy hadn't taken him too seriously, he had half his mind made up to pack his bags that night and ask to move out the dorm. One week, when their arguments would get really bad, he went to sleep praying every night that whichever group he debuted in, it would be as far away from Lee Donghyuck as it could be.

It was almost funny, looking back on it. He had debuted with the kid twice, and he’d made it much higher than he had ever expected. But even for a celebrity, he found his situation a little sad.

Mark was twenty two, lying in bed, alone on the midnight of his birthday. The others were fast asleep, and all he could think about was how good it must be for them to actually get a day off. He didn't want to check his social media, but he was sure the official NCT social media had already posted a pre-lined up message wishing him happy birthday, followed by dozens of replies from fans.

It was surreal to think about how many people he had caring about a day he had considered to be not too special. Sure back in Vancouver it was a day he was the center of attention, and in Korea, it was the day all his older and younger members made him the happiest - but in the end, it was just like any other day. He would have to practice his rapping, singing, dancing and would go for image training.

The creaking of the bedroom door got his attention, his eyes moving over the silhouette that entered the room as silently as it could. The door was pressed shut, the padded sounds of socked feet over the floor was heard. The edge of the mattress dipped slightly under the weight of the figure, and then he felt the warmth of a body laying next to him, an arm over his waist and a head nuzzling into the crook of his neck, hot breath ghosting over the skin.

"Happy birthday, Lee Mark." Donghyuck yawned, pressing himself closer to the older. On a normal day, Mark would turn pink, blush, stutter and push the boy away.

Maybe he was feeling particularly bold. Maybe he was just feeling nostalgic, or maybe he was feeling alone. He found no reason to justify why he just turned around in Donghyuck's grasp, eyes lazily tracing features that he had hated at some point, learnt to adore and admire at another, and then grown to love.

What a journey, he mused internally as he tucked Donghyuck's head under his chin, feeling the half asleep younger sigh softly. "Why are you awake?" He asked, mild concern bleeding through the curiosity. Donghyuck shifted in his grasp, eyes peeking at him through the strands of violet purple which faded to brown that fell into his eyes.

"Figured you'd be up." He rasped out, blinking. "Sorry, if we were with Dream maybe we could have gotten a cake."

Mark stared at him, the tanned skin flowing softly in the faded, blurred out light, the sharp featured a soft haze without his glasses. "It's okay." He found himself saying, watching as the other nestled back comfortably in his arms.

The silence was comforting - it was a rare thing to hear when Donghyuck was around, the younger having the tendency to fill empty spaces with his presence, whether knowingly or not. "Do you remember," The soft question came. "Do you remember that meadow boy promise we made?"

Mark's lips curved upwards into a smile at that.

He remembered when Donghyuck had to stay at home for a while when the younger had hurt his leg. It had taken a toll on them all. He'd never realised how much the entirety of Dream relied on Donghyuck's loud voice filling the practice room on the wee hours of the morning to keep them going, how much they needed to hear him whine in the morning, how much they actually appreciated the kisses and hugs they always shoved away.

So when Jisung quietly suggested they visit him in Jeju whenever they had their next trip, Mark had more than wholeheartedly agreed.

When they'd landed, Donghyuck's mother brought them home. The ride back had been cramped, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. She'd tried to dissipate it by telling them how much Donghyuck had missed them, but refused to admit it. He didn't know they were coming - they wanted to surprise him.

Although her words were meant to be comforting, Mark hadn't been able to shake the uneasy feeling that Donghyuck might not react too well.

The boy was a perfectionist, someone who always showed a bubbly, bright image. Never ever would you catch him slipping up, something he was proud of. Haechan was a façade, untouchable, unattainable, unbreakable. But Lee Donghyuck was something more vulnerable, and Mark wondered how much of the time they had spent together was with Donghyuck himself.

He just wanted a smile.

Instead, he got a good fifteen seconds of a wide eyed stare, before Donghyuck burst into tears. Mark had never been good with dealing with crying people, and the memes on twitter would tell you the same.

He panicked, but Jaemin had already gotten to work, gathering up the mess of a boy in his arms and whispered hushed words that were meant to soothe. Mark supposed he was the best person for the job - after all, Jaemjn suffered the same fate Donghyuck had, but for far, far longer.

When he had calmed down, he'd taken them around his family home. It was beautiful, ethereal, a slice out of a fairy tale, and reminded Mark of all the stories his mother had read to him as a child. It was beautiful, all red bricks with a winding staircase to the second floor and small bedrooms. Narrow and cramped but seemingly so spacious with the open windows and fluttering curtains. He felt like he'd stepped out of his own reality, and entered Donghyuck's. He found that he didn't mind it that much.

That's when his mother had the brilliant idea of them camping out in the backyard. It was a cool night, with no signs of any storm that could ravage the island's serenity. The seven of them found themselves crowded around a crackling fire half an hour later, with Donghyuck's mother poking her head out the back door intermittently until Donghyuck shooed her away lovingly seating himself back down on the log beside Mark.

That was where he'd told them about his favorite tale - the one about the boy who never grew up, who searched for a mother for his little Lost Boys, who fought and won time and time against the villainous pirate, Captain Hook, and who eventually, had to let people go. He didn't want to be an adult, and he could tell the others didn't want to grow up either.

He now had a valid reason for not wanting to age - their future was safe so long as they had each other until the title of being NCT Dream, didn't they? Once they graduated, their entertainment's plans for them were up in the air. Mark didn't want to think of how long he'd have to wait to see any of them debut again under NCT.

Peter Pan, the story of a boy who never ever wanted to grow up. There was nothing great in being an adult, reasoned the character, and sometimes Mark would agree.

"If you're our oldest," Jaemin had suggested, the reflection of the cinders of the fire dancing in his eyes and making it look like he had an entire galaxy in his eyes. "Will you be our Peter Pan?"

"And we'd be your Lost Boys!" Chenle had cheered in agreement, the two of them high fiving each other (the edge of Chenle's cardigan nearly caught on fire when he leaned over, but for the sake of not ruining the moment, none of them mentioned anything.)

"Be a little more original, Chenle-yah." Donghyuck snorted, shaking his head. "There's no need to copy straight from the fairy tale." His eyes ran over the entire group, before resting on Mark. The latter felt arcs of electricity race up his spine when their gazes met.

Mark firmly ignored the tingling sensation.

"If Mark hyung is our leader," He said, leaning forward, "We could be his little meadow boys."

"That's even worse than lost boys," Renjun had retorted. "But it makes sense!" Donghyuck had protested, and managed to lay out several points about why their personalities all fit into aspects of a meadow. "Jisung is like an ant, Jaemin is like a strawberry you'd find, Chenle is like the grass, Jeno is like the earth, I'm a sunflower, Renjun is mom existent and Mark hyung is our sky!"

Those were the stupidest reasons he'd ever heard. But, somehow, Mark couldn't bring himself to let the younger know that. Maybe it had something to do with having seen the boy after so long, the lingering sadness that his best friend wasn't with him when he'd been used to his constant presence. Or maybe it had something to do how stunning he looked in the burnt orange hues thrown out casually by the fire. Donghyuck looked real, human, with blemished skin and chubby cheeks and a bad posture, and maybe it was because Mark was so used to being surrounded by perfection, striving for perfection, that he was so attracted to something raw.

"Alright, then." He broke the loud argument that had started amongst the younger ones. "Meadow boys it is."

Donghyuck had let out a huge cheer, practically throwing himself onto Mark, who swore a little too loudly before threatening to toss him into the fire. "Mark hyung is the best!" Donghyuck had teased mockingly, pinching the older's cheeks while Mark swatted his hands away.

He saw Renjun roll his eyes and heard Chenle scream with laughter, but really, it was the genuine happiness in Donghyuck's eyes that made him decide it really was worth it. Whatever he was doing with these boys, seeing them smile and laugh and live was worth it.

He'd do anything to keep this moment frozen in time, where they were secluded in the backyard of a house, on an island far away from prowlers in a company that controlled them like puppets on a string, where they were safe and euphoric.

They made a promise that night over the dying embers of their makeshift campfire, that these little meadow boys with lean bodies and dazzling smiles would protect each other, stick by each other no matter what.

As a fun side game, they wrote their names of chits of paper and shuffled it around. Whoever's name they got was the designated meadow boy they had to love forever. It held no real meaning to the others, but to Mark, the oldest and the unofficial leader, it was a precious burden he would love to carry forever.

Maybe it was fate, destiny, luck, some supernatural force up there, that let the name on his chit be written in form, bold letters, Donghyuck.

Not Haechan, Donghyuck. That made all the difference to him.

But life never turned out that way, did it? As Mark grew older, so did the others. He watched them all shoot up in height, lose some of the last remnants of baby fat and become leaner than ever, watched them sweat through their nights and sing their hearts out until their throats were raw and their insides were bleeding because they ripped out their souls for comeback after comeback.

As Mark grew older, he realised a lot of things too. He realised his friendship with the kids was stronger, he realised they were his home, his family, he realised that he loved them, and he started to wonder if he was realising he was in love with one of them.

It was a torturous time loop of questions he threw himself into, until the loop spread throughout his history and brought back the aggression he and his best friend had so many years ago.

Mark would rip himself away from Donghyuck after he caught himself staring for too long and then avoid the boy. After one too many harsh rejections, wounds blossomed, bloody and prominent on Donghyuck's ego too. Too many snide remarks, too much disrespect, never enough communication, and Mark would find himself on one side of the room, screaming at his meadow boy who would scream back. It was a constant loop of fight, , apologise, go to sleep, wake up, get irritated, fight again.

One discordant chord ruins an entire song - two creates a cacophony of disarray. The team felt it, and they tried to help. And while Mark knew Taeyong and Doyoung meant well, he couldn't stand the pitying looks in their eyes, because how the hell was he supposed to make them understand he hated someone he also was in love with? He learnt lines between emotions were so blurred practically non-existent.

He'd rather not have them at all.

So when the manager sat them both down at the dining table of the 127 dorm, Mark already knew what his answer would be to every question.

"Listen." The older man was tired, he could tell. Mark liked their manager - he was sweet and understanding. He tried to take some of the pressure off the kids, took them out to eat when their diets were too restrictive, made sure they were hydrated and slept well.

Maybe it came with the job, maybe it didn't. Mark didn't care, he was just grateful he had someone he could call a near parent figure. Right now, he didn't want that, though. He didn't want that condensing stare he would be given, like an older child being too immature and bratty.

He didn't want it at all, he didn't want his mistakes pointed out. He knew he couldn't handle Donghyuck from the very start- sure, they had their similarities but they were so, so different. Where Donghyuck was all sharp edges and spontaneity, Mark was all smooth curves and methodical planning. Where Donghyuck knew how to push boundaries, Mark knew which lines to toe and which ones to never cross.

Where Donghyuck was just Donghyuck, Mark was Mark and no meadow boy promise could ever change that. That's what he told himself, that's what he told Taeyong, Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, Chenle, Jisung and anyone else who asked.

That's what he told the manager when the man told them to settle their differences. "Put on a smile for the camera, boys." The older gave them a weakened smile, stress lines so very prominent. "Just talk it out behind the scenes, try to see where you're going wrong with this relationship. Friendships are hard to work out, especially in an industry where there's so much pressure and a lot of different things can come into play. But you can work it out, I know you can."

He had stood up, given them both a pat on the back, and had turned to leave, when Mark had said a quiet, "No."

Donghyuck's head had shot up, lifting his gaze from the table, but Mark refused to look at him, keeping his eyes steadily on the back of the manager, who turned slowly, looking utterly befuddled. "No?" He asked, confused.

"I'm not working anything out with him." Mark said sharply, gesturing with his chin to the boy next to him. Silence fell over the trio, and Mark heard the shuffling outside the door still, too. "Mark," The manager said softly. "Don't be like that. You're better than this."

"What if I'm not?" Mark retorted. He knew he was - he knew he was the dependable kid, the one they could turn to for being hardworking and cheerful and compliant and level headed. This wasn't like the Mark Lee they all knew, but as he had come to realise, for whatever reason it was, Lee Donghyuck drove him to the point of insanity, only to pull him back and give him hope.

Maybe Mark was jealous, maybe Mark was stupid. Maybe Mark just didn't want to be mocked or teased or disrespected by the kid anymore. He honestly couldn't even remember when this cycle of love and hate had started, but he knew that this would be where it would end. Everything between the two would end, the only string connecting their two fates would be just the brand name, the same team. Nothing else.

"I'm never going to talk to him again, unless absolutely required by the company or camera." His words came out clean, ice cold and knife sharp, and with each syllable that rolled off his tongue, he could see something more shatter in Donghyuck.

It gave him a sick sort of satisfaction, to know that the boy was finally hurting the way Mark was under his tormenting and teasing and love and everything else he presented the persona of Haechan and the reality of Donghyuck with.

"No more fights will occur, because there won't be much interaction to begin with. I will make sure it doesn't affect team dynamics, you can trust me on that." Mark stood up, giving the dumbfounded manager a stiff bow, before turning to give Donghyuck a last look. I hate you, he tried to convey. I love you so much I hate you and everything you do at this point, because it hurts me and it hurts you inevitably.

And maybe Donghyuck understood, because despite all their faults and flaws, the two connected in a way he knew he wouldn't find with someone else, the surfaces of their souls just within the reach of each other's finger tips.

He was turning his back on all of that now, because Mark was tired, and maybe Donghyuck realised that. His gaze dropped, but not before Mark caught his glassy eyes and utterly betrayed, shattered expression, like he couldn't believe Mark wasn't even willing to talk it out with him, to even attempt to mend a friendship they'd had for years.

He wasn't. He didn't want to be hurt anymore. Mark was tired, and he let them know that by wheeling around on his heel and turning his back on them.

He burst out into the corridor, the other members of 127 scrambling back with guilty expressions on their faces to avoid getting hit by the door with. Mark gave them a long look, before turning away and heading back to his room, the one he shared with Donghyuck.

That night, he moved out and began sharing a room with Doyoung instead.

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