#Can't see em but from the smell of it it's probably an event like a carne asada

[bellflower-goat]

man I'm vibing rn

[kisses4lao]

leans into the mic ... period sex with kenshi ..... ? /nf

blind or not, either works; do what you want, comrade i j- i just need him very badly PFFJNRHJFJ

here's a pic of your favorite pookie shmookie wookie bookie boo beekeeper btw (wheezed typing it but i am, in fact, putting respect on his name bestie)

Oh em geee

How could I resist when you add such a breedable pic of pookie shmookie wookie bookie boo of who is also a beekeeper???? I simply cannot

I've been kind of into Kenshi as of recently,,, most fics with him are poly with Johnny and that's cool and all but Johnnys just not for me 4 realz

Tw/cw: AFAB reader, blind Kenshi it's relevant to the plot, you guys are dating but it's only mentioned like twice, humongous blood kink(it's Kenshis), pet names (princess, beautiful), smiley Kenshi, he's just happy to be there, probably incorrect sento usage, finger fucking, cursing, piv, pwp ish, reader is embarrassed bc period blood smells, Kenshi is a man tho so he doesnt care

Not proofread get over it

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Kenshi has always been a loving and compassionate person. Given that you're his girlfriend, he's shown a side of himself that he's shown very few others. He's a man who loves date nights and taking things slowly just as much as he loves doing things in the heat of the moment.

Period sex was something he was more than willing to do. If he thought he could help your pain by outweighing it with pleasure, he'd be on his knees in mere seconds. As much as he loves seeing you squirm underneath him, he'd be more than willing to just cuddle you until it was over. At the end of the day, the choice was always yours.

He couldn't help but want to take you in those moments, however. Something about you bleeding for days on end did something to him. While he knew that you must hurt, your cramps have been killing you all day and you can't walk because of them, some part of him just wanted to have your blood dripping from him as he made love to you.

In short, dating you was how Kenshi realized he had a blood kink. It's mild to the point he doesn't think about it often, but when you're on your period, he practically goes insane. All he wants to do is be near you, to touch you, all that good stuff.

Kenshi wouldn't even realize he had a blood kink for the longest time. He'd be so overwhelmed by the feeling of his hands and cock covered in blood and practically getting high off the smell he couldn't focus on anything but finishing. It was only until later when he was laying in the bath tub with you that he'd realize that he's never felt like this with anyone, just you. He'd eventually come to the realization that period sex gets him so turned on because of his blood kink and ends up embracing it more.

That being said, when you got the news Kenshi was blinded due to a series of unfortunate events, you had spent sleepless days and nights waiting for him to come home.

And he did.

It took you both a while to get used to his new living condition, but you made it work. Since one of his senses got removed, this meant his other senses were heightened. Taste, hearing, touch, but most importantly, smell.

His sense of smell got much stronger than he'd expected, he could smell practically anything, but he had specifically made it a point to familiarize himself with your scent. Your perfumes, body wash, shampoo, just you in general. He made sure he knew what you smelled like, that way he knew it was you.

So when you got on your period, he could tell before you did. You and him were sleeping together, cuddling as usual. He woke up first and upon waking up, he was hit with a smell he hadn't noticed the night before. It was a familiar one, just much stronger than what he's used to.

He was practically stunned. He didn't really know what to do, considering you guys haven't done much since his premature blinding. He felt like waking you up, telling you that he needs you as he began to feel the familiar feeling of his cock straining in his boxers.

But he resisted. He had to, would you really want to be woken up over this? He was able to watch you slightly through sento, being mounted on your wall in front of your shared bed, he could see you both decently enough. You didn't show any signs of movement, nor signs you were awake.

He could feel your soft breaths puff onto his collar bone as he could feel his cock twitch. He could feel you shifting in the bed as he watched you through sento. He could see you were starting to wake up, and cuddled into his chest more.

You placed small kisses on what he thought was your face (it was the top of your head but don't tell him) as you woke up more from the feeling. Your small giggles filled the room as you playfully pushed back, locking him into a sweet kiss before laying your head next to his.

"Morning Kenshi," was all you currently had the strength to say. "Morning beautiful" He replies back with his usual smile. He always loved calling you pet names, specifically in the morning, so this wasn't out of the usual.

What was unusual, however, was his heavy breathing. It was slightly faster than usual, and specifically through his nose... You found this odd, obviously, and you began to think about what could be different. It was obvious enough that he was soaking in your scent, he always has, but nothing was out of the usual. Nothing that you knew yet, at least.

You had thought back to last night when you and Kenshi had bathed together, you always had taken showers and baths together, but due to the fact he can no longer see anything, you've decided to help him with such. You used the same body wash, the same shampoo, conditioner... Nothing that he hasn't smelled already.

Then, it hit you. You were on your period. Of course you were, your body just had to choose the worst possible time for you to get your period. You internally sigh as you now understand why Kenshis been acting odd.

Kenshi could see you contemplating through sento, he could see how embarrassed you were. He felt bad for thinking such dirty things, maybe he shouldn't have been feeling like this, but he couldn't help it.

It wasn't that you were embarrassed by the fact you were on your period, it was that fact that he had an enhanced smell now. You knew that Kenshi was into period sex, it's just you thought it'd be embarrassing with the smell. You sigh aloud and get disappointed in how your precious pair of panties that you liked oh so much now have to be period panties.

Kenshi knew that you were upset by this, he just didn't know what to say. Should he come out and just say how the smell turned him on? It smells like you, just, enhanced. That's what he liked about it. It smelled like you, the pussy that he'd give his life for, THATS what he was into.

"I'm- sorry. It must smell bad-" he cut you off.

"It doesn't. It smells like you. Not your hair products, not your perfume, you. It's amazing to be able to know what you smell like, this is just enhancing it. I like it, honestly."

Although sweet, it was weird. You just didn't exactly expect a man to understand this sort of thing. You felt somewhat relieved, just a bit weird about the situation. He could tell by your facial expressions that you were. He took your hands in his and continued speaking.

"Your scent, knowing you're here with me throughout everything I'm going through, it brings me comfort. You bring me comfort. Knowing you're here, next to me, fills me with a joy you wouldn't believe. So no, waking up to the scent of you would never disgust me."

How poetic. He pulled you into a small kiss, relishing in how amazing you taste. He could smell a small bit of arousal form in you, panties getting some how wetter as he puts his thighs between your legs, prodding at your heat.

You whimper at the feeling, opening your mouth slightly in the process. Kenshi takes this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring it as he felt you grind on his thigh.

His hands unclasp themselves from yours as he took one and dragged it to your panties. Slipping his hand inside, he can feel the heat radiate off of your pussy, practically begging him to touch you. He gathers your wetness on his fingers, pushing one inside you as his thumb plays with your clit.

You moan out and break the kiss in the process. You lay your head next to his as your breathing became harsh, gripping the bedsheets as he continued his motions. "God I wish I could see you, I know you look beautiful like this." He bit his lip as he could feel you clench from the praise.

He slips in another finger and earns another moan from you. Kenshi could feel his cock twitching in its confines, begging to be inside you, but he needed to wait till you were properly stretched. You, however, had different plans. You could see the tent in his pants, and you were practically drooling over it. You placed your hand on his bulge, Kenshi lets out a surprised moan from it.

"Princess,, you're goin' to make me cum if you touch me like that. Good girls keep their hands to themselves, yes?" He questioned you as he continued his pace of finger fucking and clit rubbing.

You try your hardest to stifle your moans, but your back arching to the feeling of Kenshis fingers curling inside you wasn't something you could ignore. Your chest pressed against his as your soft hand squeezed his forearm.

Your whines and begs for release made Kenshi go faster, making you cum harshly in his fingers. He placed his fingers in his mouth, swirling his tongue around them and letting out a moan at the taste.

"Delicious as always, you treat me so well." He laughs as he climbs on top of you. He takes off his boxers and you make quick work of stripping yourself as well. He gives his hard cock a few strokes, he can feel you staring at him as he does.

"Look what you do to me princess, all for you." He gives you a cheeky grin before aligning his tip with your opening. He pushes himself inside you at a slow pace, taking in how your walls cling to him.

As he began to thrust into you, he could feel your blood painting his lower abdomen. He felt lightheaded as he could smell you on himself, small droplets of your blood fell down his thigh and he can feel himself cumming.

Luckily, he can control himself. Not when it comes to thrusting into you, though. Kenshi hooks both your legs onto his shoulders, his hands place themselves on your waist as he lifts you up enough to where his thighs are below you, keeping you elevated at all times. Hes thrusting into you at a high pace, high enough for your body to be shaking with every thrust but not enough for you to be overwhelmed.

His harsh pace continues as his hands angle you slightly lower, making him repeatedly hit your g-spot. You cry out his name and your hands fly to his head, tugging on his hair as he feels himself get closer.

"Close- Kenshi- I'm so-" you moan again as his grip on your waist tightens. Kenshi has to use sento to see you, but luckily, he was able to move the sword to a different position. He was able to see just how painted he was- how you both were painted in blood. His hips begin to falter as he gets lightheaded with pleasure once again.

He was also lucky enough to see your back arch as your head fell back in pleasure, coming on his cock in the process. "You did so good for me princess, I, ugh, I'm goin' to cum so hard for you," and seconds later, he lets out a deep groan before collapsing onto you, cum leaking out of your now abused hole.

It took you both a few minutes to get your breath back. Once you did, you just laid with each other for a bit. As you played with Kenshis hair, he rolls over, exposing his lower abdomen to you.

"You're covered in blood." You giggle out. Using sento again, he was able to see himself. He was actually, and within seconds he had turned back to you.

"Up for another round?" He asked with a smile.

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A/n: to everyone who's been using my asks to say they appreciate my fics and the videos I use for headers, I love you. Except for that one person that said size kinks were disguised pedophilia, please stay far away from me

[tobyislame]

Hi this is awkward s/o person again, you have fueled my toby brain and I'd like to make another request (if you're willing)

What would he be like with his s/o on Halloween? Does he dress up with them, get candy, or maybe stay home and watch scary movies with them? And very important question...if he dresses up, who would he dress up as?

toby rogers x reader: HALLOWEEN EDITION!!!!

welcome back friend!!! i will always be willing i love your requests!! OHOHOHO i am going to get soo silly with this one

- toby goes fucking BALLISTIC over halloween oh my god. it's the only time of the year where he can go into town and just be normal. everyone's got masks on, everyone's donning costumes, so he blends in like butter on bread. being able to exist in a public space without so much as a dirty look is fucking elating, it's one of the only graces of normalcy that he gets and he milks the opportunity for everything its got. what most would treat like any other day, he treats like a paragon. for one night he isn't toby rogers, wanted dead or alive - he's just some guy.

- he's suuuper fucking annoying about it too. he wants to do ALL the halloween stuff and he WILL drag you along with him whether you want it or not. his mansion buds aren't exempt from this treatment either no one is safe

- before night falls and the real fun begins, you guys are staying in and he's making SURE you have a good day. he's got those cheap halloween cookies in the oven (you know the ones they got pumpkins on em), his place is done up with lights and tacky dollar store decorations, and he's got a pot of apple cider simmering on the stove that mixes with the woodsy smell of his cabin just fucking beautifully. he tries really hard.

- he gets really fucking into it, and you can't help but find his admittedly childlike excitement over it a little endearing. if you ever commented on it, about how he hardly gets this excited over anything else, he'd probably just get all weirdly defensive and dismissive over it. he's been this way about it since he was a kid, never really grew out of it. even after everything.

- he's putting out a SPREAD of treats for you guys: candy corn, caramel corn, the works. can't have it any other way if you're marathoning slashers. there's a sort of unmentionable effort he puts into it with the halloween paper plates he goes out of his way to get (steal), one of those little details that puts this subdued warmth in your chest. he wants to make everything nice for you. he wants for you to have good things.

- you two. on his pilled up couch. grandpa sweaters. steaming apple cider in thrifted (stolen) mugs. flannel blanket. crackling embers from the log burner. oh yeah baby

- he makes halloween movie watchlists. oh yeah he's serious about this. he only really likes the kind of stuff you can snag off rental store shelves: sleepaway camp for eye candy (we need more slutty slutty men in horror flicks), hellraiser but only the 1987 one, texas chainsaw massacre but only the 1974 one (he's got a crush on leatherface that he'll never admit to anyone or himself), the thing is his fucking FAVORITE horror movie of all time, throw the final destinations in there just for fun, stuff like that. saw movies are his guilty pleasure. even with you, he tries to be some hard-ass and play it off when he gets all spooked and jumpy, though the way he clings to you just a little tighter says something else.

- yea this man has split skulls and gotten brain matter stuck in his hair and horror movies still scare him

- now the most important question: costumes.

- ok i have two visions for what he'd be and in both events he's forcing you to dress up with him: for one i can totally see him throwing on some ferris bueller getup and dragging you along as either sloane or cameron, or y'all are going as bill and ted and he's calling dibs on bill (so he has an excuse to wear a crop top it's totally only for the costume). if you refuse to dress up he will not shut up about how you're "no fun" until you give in

- he also uses the holiday as an opportunity to terrorize the general public. you guys are hiding out in corn mazes and jumping out at whatever poor soul happens to walk by like some surprise scare actor, pretending to be ghosts to scare off the kids who think hanging out at cemeteries makes them cool. he's the village menace. genuinely the HOA puts up a sign saying look out for this guy

- he takes you "trick or treating" but with the biggest quotations ever. he'll go around to the houses that just have bowls of candy out with a sign that says "please take one" or something and straight up just take the bowl

- when he isn't having (mostly) harmless fun and treating the townspeople like his plaything, he's treating you to some good wholesome traditional halloween activities, and he's a massive sucker for those. like, no fucking question about it he is dragging your ass to the pumpkin patch. if he's lucky he can get a five finger discount on some caramel apples for you two. of COURSE he's hauling some pumpkins home for you guys to carve, even if he'll just inevitably leave them to rot on his porch but he SWEARS he'll throw them out soon he SWEARS

- he insists on going to at least one haunted house even though he's the one that always gets you two kicked out for clocking scare actors. he's banned from most of them

- at some point in the night you'll probably end up crashing some college house party and, even though they scare him shitless, nothing makes him feel more like a guy than standing around with a red solo cup in his hand. he isn't there to make friends anyway (god knows he has no clue how), he's the one that just kinda pets the dog the entire time then leaves

- at the very end of day you guys are falling asleep tangled up in each other on the couch, smoke hanging in the air and the dvd screensaver bouncing around on the tv screen

[missmarveledsblog]

Is it the end? ( Joel miller x reader)

summary : y/n opens up the about the past, mark starts on his plan and well a patrol leads to an ambush , y/n face the beast of the past and this time she ready to go down to make sure he can't hurt those she has come to love even if it means she might never see them again

warnings : angst as fuck some fluffy moments but this one is also heavy , mentions of abuse in the past including SA , domestic violence , facing an abuser , violence a lot

A.N : this whole chapter is a warning if any of the following could trigger please look after yourself and skip this one (you're not alone , you got this, we are all proud of you ) hopefully see you in happier fic in future

Previous part

Maybe it was the events of the night or maybe it was because it was Joel miller. She never felt this way , something her mother described  as love it was all new and scary and yet it filled her with warmth , comfort and safety when the man was near her. How instinctively her body new he was close like sense searching him out and even in her most scared state she felt the rush of calm the moment his arms where touching her skin, his scent of  oak and musk in her nostrils and the gruff husk to his voice all those made her feel safe , all those felt like home. The man who made her feel like she wasn’t alone again . years of living hell more hell then infected hell she’d prefer them to her ex.They had more mercy , mindless zombies had more compassion then her ex to which is she didn’t get free well she would of threw herself to them. But here she was with joel sitting on edge of his bed and she wanted to be open with him completely , not hold or hide anything. 

“ i wasn’t scared because it was nigel ,it wasn’t anything to do with him it was the feeling that sent me back” she breathed out feeling the words ready to burst from her mouth like a dam every single one  that needed to be said.” he wasn’t the one that was attacking me like in my head it wasn’t him, it was like i was back there back in a past so dark it felt like a black hole, sucking the life out of me every second i didn’t even feel like a person just puppet on a string or when times seemed fit the whipping boy for when he was having a bad day”she laughed dryly .

“Jonah found me i was exhausted , starving and probably on the brink of death i thought he was my knight in shining armor like stories my mama told me about as little girl , he was on a horse and everything, brought me back to his camp and i had food and warm clothe even a blanket because i refused to ruin my brothers, then after a while i found my prince was a monster with a pretty mask , one that hid the evil he truly was start slow i would talk to passers by the first time he hit me claimed it was some sort of ptsd thing then he stopped using excuse , stopped wearing the mask every time i opened my eye i hated it , hated he didn’t just kill me like he kept telling me it wasn’t something i feared anymore it was something i wished for only thing i had was that blanket, my mama made it from some wool we found , then jonah found it made his men hold me down and he burnt it right before my eyes and something snapped inside when he went  let the melted material fall i grabbed his knife i cut him , i cut em all and ran with the bag  on my back, then there i was falling over my own feet , starved , dehydrated and my body ready to give up until a man called out just as i hit the ground ,i woke up here  in jackson and your brother as telling me i was ok , i was safe” she sniffled .

“ so when nigel hit me pushed me it wasn’t him i was seeing , smelling and hearing it was jonah like i did every single day since i was fifteen” she smiled weakly the tear that filled her waterline and once more she spent a night crying in joel millers arms feeling the weight of the past off of her shoulder. 

He just held her ,tight holding only her . she didn’t need his words to tell her how strong and amazing she was that could wait. What she need was to feel safe , to truly feel protected. How much he hated the world for trying to break her , how it made her hurt in ways a person should never hurt.  She needed to feel comfort and security to know that he had her, he was going to protect her no matter what . Tommy must have known more about his behavior to suggest it   he wasn’t going to ask. She already told him so much but he could only imagine what else the monster had done. It didn't take rocket science to see that .  He hoped his touch told her what his mouth didn’t , He meant it every sense that day he said it , she had him  in every way she wanted him .  More and more he felt him drawn to her seeing every side to the woman and she was still beautiful even more so like a flower blooming  a bed of weeds . one he will do everything and anything to keep it flourishing . he barely slept that night , watching her sleep the way her lashes touched her cheeks , the soft even breathes that pull and pushed through the pillow plush lips .  How perfect she fit in his arms like she was always meant to be there , how she should always be there and if he could it would always be that way . 

Mark wanted to leave , this needed to be over with  the longer he was gone the more danger they were in .  Jonah promised they would be safe if he did this but it even he couldn’t trust that man’s word , he did know once this was over he was taking his wife and daughter some where else far away shit he would build a boat if he needed to .  It need to end soon longer he waited the longer it would take . 

“Mark we got your present” the radio crackled as he rushed off. 

“ so fucker made it huh  he should be able give you details of the patrols , y/n does them weekends two days from now i can’t stay” 

“ two days  and i get my wife back good enough for me i’ll give you a horse and your cunts back” jonah snickered. 

“ two days” mark gritted his teeth before turning the channel off. 

Even though it was an absolute nightmare of event the night before it was the best sleep she gotten in a long time , every single time she was a sleep in his arms she had dreams  actually dreams and not nightmares that made her wake in a panicked sweat . She woke rested and calm , she was safe.  Even if it was the wake of a storm she felt safe In joel millers presence . Something about the man always made her protect something wod Seem like it was made up concept . 

“ hey love bird  breakfast Soon” ellie voice called she didn't have to look at the teen to see the smirk that was there , feeling it was enough . 

“ we'll Get up in minute go ahead” his voice god his morning Voice had her thighs clenching and her stomach In a tornado Of feeling. “ darling you wake” he rasped. 

“ do I have to” she sighed nuzzling more into His chest her head bobbed at the vibration of his sleep filled laugh . 

“ sadly you do , ya need to eat and get your head checked … I mean the wound On your head checked” . 

“ need my head checked wouldn't hurt either” she snorted as she stretched out something was different yet the same like unspoken new Development to their friendship or whatever this was . 

“ don't we all come on your grumpy when ya don't eat” he pushed her gently as he got himself up the glare she sent him was down right adorable In his eyes . Leaning down as their face so close ,Eyes locked on the each . 

“ If you're good I'll Make you a cup of the good coffee” He smirked lips ghosting over her , he could easily fall into the temptation of one simple movement And he could finally feel her soft lips . Yet he pulled back as her eyes followed his confused tilt Of her head she looked like a confused puppy . The fucker was playing with her well she could match him . 

“ I ain't ever been good  might need a man put me in my place” she whispered in his ear before heading down the stairs almost beaming when she seen ellie Standing there.  That smirk all over her face as y/n descended the stairs. 

“ looked cozy up there thought i was actually going to have to go ahead”.

“ nah couldn’t leave you to walk two minutes on your own” she giggled. 

“ my hero , hows your head that bruise isn’t as big as i thought it would be either , where’s joel?” . 

“ here i am  come on both of y’all get cranky when you don’t eat” he shot y/n a look to say whatever started was definitely not over. 

The three walked easily through town til she stopped outside that alley a shiver sent through her body until she felt his hand land on her lower back and suddenly she didn’t feel so scared continuing on their journey to the mess hall. 

As soon as she walked in it was like all eyes were on her and  they probably are few looked at her with pity , some in respect and some in pride.  Tommy had a shit eating grin on his face as he almost studied the two, ellie ran off towards dina and some of the younger residents of jackson. Maria looked  both worried as she took in the injuries so did the residents doctor making her roll her eyes. 

“ after i eat you can poke away” she finally said . 

“ oh you bet your ass you should of been brought last night” the doctor playfully glared. 

“ i also need to talk to you after if you don’t mind doing it while doc does his thing”maria ask quietly.

“ course then i want the good coffee”she turned to joel.

“Fine fine come on before benny gets there before us” he chuckled  moving her along as maria gave them an appraising look to only see her own husband watching with a big grin on his face. 

The rest of the breakfast was same the two found ways of touching each other like a couple of love struck teenagers til she was taken to the clinic  both and doc wanting to make sure the wound on her head properly taking care of  . which only good thing the man could say was it was cleaned properly but it needed stitches and should of  the night before . 

“ so you wanted to talk to me what's up may as well distract me” she laughed nervously. 

“ patrol found kid note attached erm mom was  well found not far later but was too late .. couple that was gonna take him changed there mind and maura she is watching him but she too old for kid so was wondering if he could stay with you” maria explain softly  and carefully. 

“ how old ? “  she asked wincing and gripping the chair as she felt the skin being pulled. 

“ four  his names charlie , cute little thing”. 

“ can i think about it after patrol this weekend i’ll give you an answer i mean its alot” she went to look at the woman. 

“ yeah of course i can take your time really” maria nodded . “ are you her shadow” the woman joked. 

“ something like that erm she ok”joel asked. 

“ fine but i needed stitches which i tried to tell the old fool it was my idea not come here” y/n winced . 

“ bad influence young lady” the man playfully chuckled cutting the thread. “ come back in a couple days to check it over keep it clean now off with you” he shooed her off. 

“ and i thought you liked me” she pouted.  

“ as much as a headache” the doc grumbled. 

Maybe it was the way she was raised , a couple who could of easily left her to die but choose to care for a complete strangers child not once but twice and the conditions We're  less dangerous than before  so maybe  it was something to consider .  Like a sort of paying it forward help a child like she was . She could ask ellie to help watch on patrols but then again this was big what if the possibility  Of jackson falling and then she was trying to survive with a child and watch if she screwed kid up.

  She walked Through town watching where he was . He was playing with his toys as the elderly woman watched. The way his Eyes lit Up with the snow all around til he must of felt her eyes on him suddenly he was looking right at her and wasn't charlie it was her brother lucas the way he would play , his Little chubby cheeks that went Rosie when it was cold. Yet when she blink he was gone Charlie head tilted looking at the woman . She gave a warm smile and wave although joel could see it , he knew that feeling of seeing a person of the past in someone else . 

“come On darling let's get that good coffee” he smiled softly . 

“ you think I could do it,  don't pretend you don't know “ she smiled weakly. 

“ I was one to suggest it at meeting” he nodded . 

“ you have too much faith in Me joel miller” she sighed laying her head on his shoulder As they walked . 

“  nah I just know you'll know how he feels��� he said wrapping his arm around her shoulder letting himself being so close. 

“ I'll make  my choice after patrol” she nodded although he had a feeling that she Already  had her answer.  

The two could feel the shift Hell a blind person could see it . They were so close  and yet each waiting on the other to make that move . Each afraid of reading it wrong in so sort of way although  It was just more afraid. She sat closer to him, he would touch her more letting himself get closer , each so close and so far. 

They were like that the whole couple of days it was driving them both crazy  just wanting to take that step joel more so . 

“ you gonna grow a pair and make a move” tommy asked as they all were tired of the dance and just wanting the two to finally just get together. 

“ I was thinking talking to her tonight but since you got  like four of us out here I’ll have to change my plan” joel sighed although slightly relieved at the change of plan knowing it was safer in case nigel was out there .

“ well he's armed, Mark was too busy beating him to notice slimy prick taking them hence him want making it right” tommy huffed. 

“ yeah well I ain't worried about them” joel huffed as she walked past on the horse . 

“ you girls gonna keep chattering or will we get going” she smirked . 

“ you were less mean when you didn't talk” tommy playfully narrowed his eyes at her. 

“ well blame your brother is like that pardon box thing” she shrugged. 

“ Pandora box sugar “ tommy snorted 

“ yeah that too come on” she laughed as joel hopped on his own horse they all walked out. It wasn't a big one just check around make sure everything was safe make sure the cabin was empty and if it wasn't make sure it wasn't raiders. She sat on her horse humming away  eyes looking around she wasn't scared whether nigel was armed or not , he wasn't greatest a shooting and his knife or fake knife skills well they weren’t  anything to fear but she would give him on thing he was sneaky.  But he wasn't around he was definitely gone she nothing was around not an animal or infected but she stalled moment she seen the prints in snow .

“ something this way” she called bolting off before anyone could grasp her words .

“ I got her” mark headed off as joel and kai  the other man followed after. 

She kept going and going she was ahead of group something she now regret something in her stomach told her to run but before she could even turn she was knocked off the horse hitting the ground with a thud knocking the air from her lung  as the sound of footstep came towards her . The crunch in the snow was she tried to focus her vision on the blur looming over her .

“ i missed ya darling” that voice , that voice that made her stomach twist and turn , the one that made the bile rise in her throat . 

“ fuck you” she gasped feeling his boot heavy on her throat.  

“ aint something you should say your husband dear” he pulled her up by the hair. 

......

She pushed and pulled out his how not caring for how it felt like her scalp was burning in his hold. One thump to her head she was out cold. 

“ good job Mark shame was fer nothing huh” jonah laughed shooting the approaching man before his men put y/n on his horse and leaving the area hearing the ones approaching . 

When joel finally got there was two minute later ,  he wanted to scold her for taking a head  when he saw mark on ground and her horse empty  something told him that wasn't going to happen today . 

“ where is”  joel crouched voice trailing off at the sight of more blood trailing off . 

“ jonah took her  , he said he'd give me my family back if I did” mark laughed coughing as blood stained his lips . “ settlement up … fuck up north about an hour an abandoned warehouse they stay in cold months ” mark cough and spluttered. 

“ get tommy on radio now” joel growled not knowing if he should save the bastard or let him suffer. Saving him would help get y/n back . “ why didn't you ask us help stupid bastard” he pushed harder on the wound making man cry out. 

“ you don't know them like I do their worse than a rabid dog” .

“ well time put rabid dog down” joel growled.  

“ tommy and men on their way doc too” kai spat looking down at the man , the betrayal.  

“ she dies you will regret it I don't care who you think jonah is or how bad if y/n get hurt well  even devil himself will stop me” he spat . 

She woke up tied up to pole in an abandoned office it seemed as she looked around . 

“ well wife good to see your finally home , I may  forgive you some time but this ain't that time “ he slapped her hard making her head jerk to the side with the blunt force of it . 

“ you think I'm scared I got away once I can again” she laughed only to be slapped again . “ jesus you hit like a bitch” . 

“ looks like I gotta train you again I got time hell might break those legs of yours” he kicked her in the stomach making her slump over gasping for air. “ would you look at that I still take your breathe away” he chuckled. 

“ when I do get free I will make sure your dead this time” she growled feeling the hilt of her blade still there. 

 “ well our new  man here will make sure you dont” he smiled whistling as nigel walked in  face as smug as anything . 

“ ah the guy who tried rape me I'll make sure to kill him too” she spat only the mood instantly shifted as jonah head shot to the man.

“ she liar man” nigel laughed not noticing the shift. 

“ his hand will show you other wise I cut him with your knife both have matching scars now real besties” she rolled her eyes. 

“ show me your hand” jonah stalked closer. 

 “ she lying man I didn't touch her” nigel backed up his smug smile long gone . only as jonah pulled him close seeing the same blade pattern his blade across the wound .

“ you tried take what's mine huh guess both ya need teaching “ he growled knocking man to the ground kicking him hard . Giving her time to pull the knife from her sleeve cutting the binds . 

He kept kicking and kicking as the man below him stopped moving only stopping when he felt the metal touch his throat. 

“ put that down sweety and I'll forgive you”. 

“ only thing that's being put down is you , how dumb you think I am to think you would forgive you psychotic fuck” she pressed harder making him hiss only for him to slam his head back hitting hers he pulled out of her hold and she held on the knife. 

“ I don't care if it kills me but you ain't walking out this office alive “ she stood adrenaline coursing through her veins as she jumped behind the desk as he pulled his pistol out , she smiled feeling hers in her boot pulling it out she stood only for him to be right there his gun pointing right at her.  Two pulled and pushed the guns direction as she heard more shots and screaming behind her . She heard joel  calling her name that all she needed to push the gun from her to him as it went off sending her ex to the ground. 

“ I ain't that scared little child bride of yours I keep my promises now she took her own revolver shooting him in the head.  Walking needing to get to him only door open their he was standing completely in front of her .  While hers showed relief , he told different story. 

“hey what's wrong” she stood confused til she followed his line of site seeing what had him so concerned the knife sticking out her stomach.

“ why don't I feel it” she said slowly slumping to the floor. As joel and tommy ran over both ignoring two dead men  only focusing on her. 

“ I need to stop meeting you like this” she joked looking at tommy as he torn  her husband shirt off placing it around the wound . 

“ hey look at me we're  gonna get you to doc right” joel promised holding her hand. 

“ joel hour way I don't think we can..” tommy hissed. 

“ I got him , he thought was gonna be scared little girl but I got him” she smiled weakly Trying not to scream . 

“ you show em who boss” tommy felt himself getting choked up . 

“ we need to move her  some how” joel yelled feeling a sick sense of history repeating.  He couldn't watch another Person he love die in his arm not again it was good enough killing him . 

Her eyes felt heavy  everything felt sore and burning yet she felt weightless . 

Her hand lifting weakly towards his face holding it like it was last time she was going to see maybe She would See see him again  in another life more peaceful life not Filled with infected or Monsters under the guise of men . then Her hand felt and hit the ground , everything was cold and black  as she watched the sequence of her life passing by most of best parts involved joel  , she finally understood what those stories Meant , the ones of the Knight Saving the princess .  Joel miller was her Knight and she was happy she knew a good man , she was happy to fall In love . 

next part

Taglist: @harriedandharassed @vickie5446

[moonlessnight125]

Oblivion sentence starters

"I'm just warming up you pathetic worm!"

"I often wonder what it'd be like, to fall to the ground so far below. I bet it'd be like flying -- then suddenly falling into a deep, blissful sleep."

"Today is your lucky day."

"Your money or your life."

"I think you should leave."

"You do not belong in here!"

"It's all over, lawbreaker! Your spree is at an end. I'll take away any stole goods you have. The next move is yours -- Pay your fine, or I haul you away!"

"I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!"

"You humans are all the same! Weak and worthless!"

"By the Gods, there's a psychopath on the loose!"

 "You've got some nimble fingers. What have you been getting into?"

"Look at the muscles on you!"

"Why... won't... you... die?!"

"This is the part where you fall down and bleed to death!"

"You treacherous little filcher! How dare you steal from me!"

"Hey, that's mine! Guards! Guards!"

"Help! Help! I'm being attacked!"

"You'll make a fine rug, cat!"

"You'll make a fine pair of boots, lizard!"

"Horrid beasts. I hate the things."

"Stop right there, criminal scum! Nobody breaks the law on my watch! I'm confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine or it's off to jail."

"Stop! You violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit."

"Then pay with your blood!"

"Hmm... body's still warm. Looks like there's a killer about."

You. I've seen your kind before. You've got blood on your hands. Keep your blade sheathed, you murdering bastard, or I'll put you down myself."

"Man down! Man down!"

"Stop, criminal! I've heard of you. Your criminal exploits are well-known. Pay the fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are forfeit."

"Do we know each other? There's something familiar about you, but I just can't place it."

"Ta! Come see me again, or I'll pluck your eyes out! Hahahaha!"

"Wonderful! Time for a celebration... Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. That can be just as much of a celebration, if you don't like cheese. True?"

"You've probably figured that out by now. Let's hope so. Or we're in real trouble... and out come the intestines. And I skip rope with them!"

"They're getting more active every day. Not a good sign. You know what would be a good sign? "Free Sweetrolls!" Who wouldn't like that?"

"Why not? Something has to work. Once, I dug a pit and filled it with clouds. Or was it clowns? Doesn't matter. It didn't slow him down. To be honest, it wasn't the best idea. And it really began to smell. Must have been clowns. Clouds don't smell bad. They taste of butter! And tears."

"Mountains will be moved! Movements will be mounted!"

"You're making my teeth itch!"

"Get going. Before I change my mind...or my mind changes me."

"Whoops! I guess the cat's out of the bag on that one! Who puts cats in bags anyway? Cats hate bags."

"I'm so happy I could just... tear out your intestines and strangle ye with 'em!"

"Quickly! Before I get bored. You wouldn't like me when I'm bored."

"I can see it in your face! Mostly in your eyes. I may have to take them when this is done."

"You dare interrupt me! Only I interrupt me! Like just then. I'm speaking with someone! We'll talk later. Or not. When is later, exactly? Not now, I'm sure of that."

"Time. Time is an artificial construct. An idea based on the theory that events occur in a linear direction, at all times. Always forward, never back. Is the concept of time correct? Is time relevant?"

[riley-phoenix]

Pairing: Malia X Reader (gender not specified)... Eventually

Canon: Teen Wolf

Content: Psychological disorder, mentions of murder, angst

Author's Note: -

Chapter Summary: "Smile Returns" from your point of view

"How the hell did this happen?", You thought to yourself as you trudged through the foliage of the jungle, right behind Malia. In all honesty, the middle of nowhere is the last place you wanted to be right now, but Malia was there, and you know what they say, "If someone isn't worth walking through the jungle for, they probably aren't worth murdering for either". You'd done the second part already, you may as well see it through. It can't be that hard, right?

You cut through bush after bush to clear a path for yourself before your shoulder began to ache. You leaned on a tree before turning with pleading eyes to Malia, whom you'd blindly followed here (truth be told you'd follow those dreamy eyes anywhere). "Why, exactly, are we in the middle of nowhere?". She turned to face you, "'cuz there's only two reasonable suspects from the supernatural side of this investigation and this is where one of 'em lives". Trying to ease the pain on your shoulder, you rotated your arm and turned back to her. "And who might that be?", you asked. "The Desert Wolf", she replied. You haulted midway through your next step; stunned. "WE'RE LITERALLY WALKING INTO THE WOLVES DEN!?", You shouted, momentarily losing your cool. Malia continued along the jungle path, mentioning her history with The Desert Wolf. To your absolute amazement- Malia stole her powers.

You hadn't known her very long, but you could tell, determination made up a large part of Malia's personality. You were good at reading people like that. Still, you found it odd how she guided herself towards danger with such nonchalance, and you couldn't help but stare from not too far behind as she slashed through the knee high grass with her machete. Your eyes wandered up and down her physical stature until your arrival at a brick built house pulled you into reality.

Eventually, you entered the house, and while Malia engaged in unpleasant greetings with The Desert Wolf, your eyes scanned the room for clues. Atleast, that's the mask you put on. The artificial reality you'd replaced the real events with. You hadn't forgotten what you did to Scott, you just didn't feel guilty, and this facade of the determined detective so devoted to solving the case was just the perfect role to portray at this time. The perfect character to use to make Malia fall in love with you. The more you allowed yourself the liberty of thinking about the future, the more you fantasized about her presence in it. Eventually, their conversation steals your attention. To your absolute dismay Malia addresses her in a quite sarcastic tone as "mother".

You drift away from them once again, fake-inspecting the house for clues, allowing yourself to bask in the mysteries of your mind. You observe the antique wooden furniture, the animal heads mounted on the walls and smell the odre of an unknown meat being cooked over a fire, before the sudden sound of Malia lifting herself from her chair, angrily, interrupts your inspection.

It doesn't take much longer for the tit-for-tat argument to boil over completely. After several exchanges of choice words, Malia signals for the door, prompting for you both to leave. You exit the house, shying your eyes away from The Desert Wolf. Malia still has that searing look of determination plastered on her face as she weaves her way through the grass and mud. You recall her words from their conversation, inquiring on her statement about The Desert Wolf being her mother. Malia shrugs off your concern, not quite ready to open up to you just yet. She reveals the name of her next suspect- Kate Argent.

Once again, you make your way to the next suspect. Malia, not feeling very talkative in the present circumstances, doesn't entertain much of your small talk with more than mumbles and noises. You're left much to your own thoughts, thinking of your plan, of Malia, the investigation and of how long it would take before you could confess to her how you truly feel. The thoughts just spun around in your head repeatedly, over and over until you had thought out every possible contingency...what you would say...what you would do. This continues for a while until you reach Kate's lair. Inside, you breathed in the clear air, the people present looked to be that of supernatural omegas. You observed the blinding lights and ostentatious decor, before a man dressed in formal wear leads you to Kate's private room. You sit down, while, once again, Malia exchanges unpleasant greetings. She asks the usual questions, the same ones she asked The Desert Wolf while you repeat the process of pretending to scan the room for clues, knowing very well that you wouldn't find any, but you were stuck in a lie so to speak. After some time, she signals you, and you throw a briefcase onto the table. "No offence Argent, but your word, means shit", she says, requesting Kate to sign an affidavit. Still holding an unfazed reaction, Kate Argent signals for Chris, her brother, to enter the room. As soon as he enters, he embraces Malia in an emotional hug. Before she lets go of him, you hear him mention something, "Gerard... he's alive", and subsequently, watch Malia's expression grow in horror. In the end, Chris confirms his sister's story, putting Kate in a completely different place than Scott at the time of the murder. Malia says her goodbyes and signals for you to leave, but you sense the disappointment in her eyes. She still has no clue who murdered Scott.

Outside, you pull out your phone to check your messages. After receiving a detailed update on the investigation from Bobby, you begin reading off the results to Malia, when you lift your head and notice her faraway gaze, you realise she hasn't been paying attention to you. The situation had gotten to her. You could see that. You wanted to give her some space, but first, you tried to comfort her. Eventually, she looked back at you, and she started recalling the painful history she and Scott had with Gerard. And as she digs into her troubled past, you think maybe, just maybe, this is her beginning to trust you. Although there is a lingering problem, Gerard is off the grid, and no one knows where he is. That's when Malia comes up with a crazy idea, too crazy, even for you- Lady Amadalla. "A 'psychic'", you thought to yourself. You knew about the supernatural but you didn't believe in them. You scoffed, assuming she was joking, but she was serious. When you saw the pleading eyes of Malia, who was quickly losing hope and ideas, you agreed.

You follow Malia to the psychic unenthusiastically. Skeptical about Amadalla's request to reveal a secret to the spirits, but eventually you comply. Malia goes first, revealing her shameful secret. Pouring her heart out about the guilt she felt towards Scott. You tried to console her, but you knew this wasn't the time. You sat quietly as she revealed herself to the spirits, and didn't interrupt her confession. Eventually, she stopped. It was your turn. You swallowed heavily as you fabricated the most sorrowful backstory you could. You wanted Malia to not only feel sorry for you, but to comfort you as you wanted to comfort her. You began to weave a story of witnessing your parents death at the hands of a werewolf. Being a child of the system, and eventually thrown out of it, and how you eventually decided to become not only a cop but a protector of the supernatural. The only part of that story that was true was you witnessing the death of your parents at the hands of a monster, but you left out one very significant detail: that monster was you. Your story however, was still technically true, albeit exaggerated and slightly fictionalised, it was enough for Amadalla to grant you the presence of the 'spirits'. You'd played out several scenarios in your mind on the way here. Malia could simply ask her who murdered Scott, and what if she pointed the finger at you? What do you do then? But you weren't concerned about that, you still weren't convinced that Amadalla had a legitimate connection to the supernatural.

Malia's question, thankfully, was about Gerard, and you watched inquisitively as Amadalla revealed his location to be Eichen House. Malia was itching to ask a second question, but she denied her. Then, she turned to you, you had one, free, limitless question to spend. 10 minutes ago you assumed Amadalla was a fraud but now you started to believe. You could have inquired about the existence of anything in the universe... But then you looked at Malia. Her head nearly in her hands, unsure if she asked the right question. You knew this was your opportunity to earn her trust completey, and so, in the glory of the spirits, you asked the question that Malia was denied from asking, you asked about 'Smile'. Of course in absolute truth, that was you, but considering your uncertainty of psychics, you decided to run the risk and hopefully get away with it while still earning her trust. Amadalla searched through all her knowledge in the universe, eventually, finding the time and place of Scott's murder. She sees Scott, in the car, being assaulted by a figure, but the figure's physical appearance is unclear. No matter how hard she tries she can't manifest their face, eventually she answers by saying, "The one they call 'Smile' is the one who will do anything for what they most desire", she struggles, and as the room shakes ominously and the psychic is forcefully thrown out of her chair, the spirits fade from existence. It was true, everything you've done was for what you most desired - Malia, but she was oblivious to this and Amadalla's prediction worked in your favour, as Malia believed this to be an accurate description of none other than Gerard. "That confirms it" she says. "The one who will do anything for what they desire is Gerard, he wanted nothing more than to kill supernaturals and he's tried to get rid of Scott before". She adds on. You exit the shop and head back to the police station, but the job isn't over yet. Now, you've found the location of Malia's final suspect, and she wants answers.

The next day you sat patiently in the interrogation room for a standard procedure, everyone involved had to go through the same questioning the suspects went through to ensure the investigators didn't miss out any details. You'd answered a few questions regarding Malia, The accident, and the progress of the investigation without challenge. Towards the end of the interrogation, you see them wheel a rack of evidence into the room. On the small, metal shelf, lie many things. The beer bottles you scattered at the crash, the cryptic notes you left that they were still struggling to crack and a photograph of the 'Zodiac' signs you planted to throw them off. One item however, was something you didn't recognise, it was a small piece of fabric that was torn on one side. Before they could continue the interrogation, you glanced at the item again, this time almost giving yourself a heart attack as you instantly remembered it -a small piece of the shirt you were wearing during the "accident". You panicked slightly, you could feel the subtle change in your heartbeat and sweatiness in your palms as you reached behind your back to feel around your shirt, and that's when you realised... You were wearing the same shirt. "Shit", you thought. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit". The investigators turned to you, ready to start again, but all you could think about was that night of the crash. You remembered one moment when your shirt got stuck in the door and you pulled on it and your heart filled with insurmountable regret for that moment.

You run the scenarios through your mind, searching desperately for an excuse or an alibi that could get you out of the situation, when suddenly, Malia bursts through the door with red hot anger seering from her face. She argues with the other officers, taking their attention away from you. Not taking the opportunity for granted, you make use of the distraction and slip off your shirt. You throw on a jacket and zip it up, hiding the shirt behind your back before diffusing the situation. You ushered the other officers out of the room, while Malia stood quietly behind you, almost embarrassed. "You didn't have to do this", You say, covering your face in your hands. "I know it's just, when I heard you were being interrogated...god, I- I just got so mad... anyway; I came over here to get you so we can go to Eichen House, grab your coat". She left the room first, and you switched the jacket you had on for your detective trenchcoat. You quietly shoved the shirt into your pocket and followed Malia to the institution.

A few hours later...

You had just pulled an angry Malia off Gerard, whom she had beaten to a pulp. It takes everything you have to hold her back as two guards seperate the fight. Malia was frustrated. Gerard was her last suspect, and he had a valid alibi. She had no leads to follow and it was eating her up on the inside. She needed some space. Before leaving, Malia asked you to do a final check of the prison, and this was the opportune moment to deal with the shirt you had stuffed in your pocket, the shirt that could unveil the truth and point everything back to you. As the guards struggled to contain Gerard, you assisted them in calming him down so the nurse could see to his wounds. No one noticed as you slyly pulled a strand of his hair from the back of his head with a pair of tweezers and placed it in your pocket.

You made your way out of the room and found your way to the room where they kept inmate's personal belongings. You knocked gently, "Come in", a soft voice called out. You stepped Inside and left the door open. "Hey, you're the inmate handler, right?".

"That's right", he answered.

"Sorry I forgot your name... You're uhhh..."

"Doug".

"Yeah, Doug, the warden wanted to see you in his office".

"Oh! Thanks for telling me, do you know what it's about?".

"No. Sorry, I'm just the messenger".

"Oh, well, thanks".

"No problem-- oh and you wouldn't happen to know the security guard's name would you?"

"Phillip", he said, and with that, he made his way to the warden's office.

As soon as Doug was out of your sight, you rummaged through the boxes till you found the evidence locker of Gerard's belongings. You placed the shirt inside, having previously washed it to remove your fingerprints. You raced to the security Guard's office. You ran in, pretend-panting as if you were tired. "Hey you're Phillip, right?". Noticing you, out of breath, Phillip is startled. "Yeah, why?", He asks. "Doug wanted to see you in his room... Says it's urgent". Without another word he takes off running. You don't waste any time getting to work. You sit infront of the computer, left unlocked by Phillip, and scroll to the inmate's cells. "Gerard... And ... Unlock", you mumble as you unlock his cell. Then you view the security footage of the day. You delete all the footage of you roaming around the prison incase Phillip or Doug came back to check it. Then you deleted a few hours of footage from Gerard's cellblock and made your way out of the prison unnoticed.

As the sun sets and the sky turns dark, you and Malia race back to the police station. On the way back, you don't talk much, you're busy thinking about what a close call that was. How those two officers almost found the shirt, what would've happened if Doug and Phillip caught you, and how easily everything you've done thus far could have fallen apart. You remember the first encrypted note you left as 'Smile'. When solved, it would lead the police to 37 Boulevard Avenue... Also known as your childhood home. You know you can't risk this happening again, you need to do something that would rule you out as a suspect completely. Your darker side comes out as a sinister plan unfolds in your mind;

No one would suspect you, if 'Smile' killed your partner.

When Malia's attention is away, you reach into your pocket for your second phone, the one you use to send encrypted notes to the police station as your alternate identity. You send them a second note that, when solved, would read out "A.C.K.B.A.R.". At the police station, you sneak away from the group and make your way to the evidence office, making sure you weren't being followed. Then, in the evidence box for the case, you lifted the beer bottle from the 'accident' with gloves. You expertly reached for the pliers with Gerard's hair in it's grasp and placed it in one of the grooves of the bottle. You then sneak away, unnoticed.

Bobby is estatic about the progress of the investigation. He fills you in and discusses possible leads with you as Malia watches on, "Now I see why you're partners", she says. "More like family", Bobby replies. When the words leave Bobby's mouth you can't help but think about your malicious plan. This may have been the most immoral decision you ever made, but you didn't make decisions based on morals, you made them based on logic, and logically, this was the only way to eliminate yourself as a suspect completely. Finally, the entire department is gathered around as the note is finally decoded, leading them to 37 Boulevard Avenue, where you would execute your plan.

You wish Bobby "Good luck", and even throw in a "Be Safe", but the way you said it, it sounded like "Goodbye" - because you knew it was. With the strike team invading the building, your former home, the memories you had surpressed flood your mind. Your abusive mother and the things she said, your absent father and how you never saw him unless he came home drunk out of his mind with no recollection of what he was doing... But most importantly, the memory of the day you decided to end them, the day you let the 'Monster' out for the very first time. You acted as though you were shocked by the outcome of the note which you already knew the answer to and let it fall to the floor for dramatic effect. Making sure you weren't in anyone's line of vision, you reached into your trenchcoat to press the detonator button. You backed away from the building slowly as a loud explosion erupted behind you, blowing cement and gravel into the air. You left everything behind in that moment, the trauma from your childhood home, your past, Bobby and embraced only one thing as your future: Malia.

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Tags: @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @cactuwus

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 9

A/n: Hey everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Warnings: this chapter does contain flashbacks, mentions of slightly toxic relationships. Mentions of Spencer's mom. Panic attacks. If there are anything more to add let me know

Requests are open

Word count : 3,024

It's been a couple of hours since we've gotten to work. I couldn't find Spencer anywhere. I needed to tell him that there was a lead on Lindsey due to Simmons giving Ethan a cognitive interview. I had called him a handful of times and gotten no answer.  Which is weird but with everything that's happened he has every right to have some alone time. I was still trying to call him when I found him in Morgan's old office. I don't know why I checked the cafeteria and the break room first. I felt myself facepalm as I looked around the room. 

He was in a daze and hadn't even noticed my presence until I moved myself into the floor across from him. I leaned against the desk for support as I looked up at him. He glanced at me and then looked away. The hand he was using to prop his head up seemed to tense. 

'You smell like mint and your cologne.' I said it with a small amount of amusement.  I knew he would change. It didn't bother me if anything. I'm surprised he even went to work with the smell of my essence laced into his skin and his breath. He nodded to acknowledge what I had said. 

'Love? Is everything alright?' He looked at me then and held my gaze. 'I know I said I'd talk to Ethan too but I can't seem to bring myself to. Seeing him for longer than a couple of hours has me remembering things with him so intensely.' 

A soft comforting smile formed on my face as I gently grabbed the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed. 'There's a lead on Lindsey.  I was going to leave with the rest of the team to go check it out. If you wanna stay here I can tell Em. Maybe you can get something more from Ethan. Then Matt did. ' I kissed his forehead gently.

Just like that. I left him to his own devices letting him figure everything out for himself.  I was gonna need to tell Em he wasn't coming.

-------------

I walked into the interrogation room with Ethan and undid his handcuffs immediately.  I didn't like seeing him like an unsub. So until further evidence came about I wasn't going to treat him as such. 

'You look like you've seen a ghost Reid.  What's wrong?' I looked at him as I stood against the wall. 'Did- did you?- ' I found myself stuttering and searching for words. My hands moved about as if I were trying to grasp each word that flew around my mind until it formed a sentence. How do you speak to someone that you haven't spoken to in years? Not in depth anyway. 

'You're a big hot shot Mr. FBI. Married, professor most likely with a couple books published or at least articles and yet you are still just the same man I adored back then.' He spoke with care and love in his voice as he watched my face blanch at what he said.

If it wasn't for the fact he has seen me this way before I would have been far more embarrassed then I was. My mouth was still opening and closing and my hands had finally stopped. 'Did you? Was it you? I- was it you that hurt me? With the blade?' 

I had finally managed to collect my words and form a complete sentence even if it was laced with fear and sorrow. I was terrified he'd say yes. I was even more petrified if he said no. If he hadn't done it then I'd have nothing to hold against him. 

There was no way I could remain upset about something that happened in college and it wouldn't make me seem like an upset child. I hadn't bothered to meet Ethan's eyes. I was honestly too afraid of what he'd see residing in my own. 

I didn't hear him move and I didn't notice how close he got until he spoke. Making me jump and look out of the two way glass. This was a bad idea. I need to get out of here. I feel like the room is shrinking. 

Ethan cupped my face and forced me to look at him. The fact that this was being recorded made me even more nervous. What if the rest of the team found out what happened between us.

I finally met his gaze. I knew my eyes probably reminded him of the first time he ever hurt me. This time had nothing to do with the kiss I walked in on years ago.

'Spencer.' As he spoke his thumb traced my jaw. 'I would never. I could never hurt you.' I laughed bitterly and flinched when his thumb met the side of my lips. 'This was a mistake. I - I need some fresh air'. I quickly rushed out, locking the door behind me. 

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding within my lungs as I felt my breathing start to quicken. I made my way to the roof of the building that no one really used. I slid down the door as I made it fully outside.  

I watched as the sun began to set. The sky turned different colors until emerging me in full darkness besides for the buildings lights I closed my eyes. Why do I feel like a young adult all over again? Why am I letting him get under my skin? The worst part was that he isn't even trying to make me feel like this.

One minute I was on the rooftop the next I was in the band room of our college laying on the ground with my head resting on Ethan's jacket as he played the piano.

'I could fall asleep to the sound of you playing. You know.' I said as each key played from his fingertips. His cologne was all over me because we may or may not have been making out on the floor before I scolded him that he needed to practice. He had a big concert event coming up. 

'I could think of better things to do in here than you falling asleep.' His voice was teasing, making me blush.  It had only been a few weeks since our first actual time together and in all honesty it made me nervous just thinking about it. Ethan seemed to want to sleep together constantly.  Which is fine. I loved having sex with him but sex was never something I thought I'd experience so I'd much rather be reading or learning something new.

Just the other day we got into an argument because I turned him down. 

I was sitting in a lecture with the man that created the Behavioral Analysis Unit. The BAU for short. At the time, I didn't want to get laid. I wanted to learn more about how learning to understand a serial killer could help catch them. I was deeply intrigued and asked many questions as the lecture hall went on.

'You know you did ditch me for some cop I don't see why now would be a bad time to make up for it?

'A federal Agent is hardly a cop and if you can't remember his job at least remember his name. Jason Gideon.'

Ethan scoffed in small annoyance as he continued to play. Only this time the sound of the piano sounded like chase music. I felt like it should play in Tom and Jerry. 

'You can't seriously be upset with me about that?' I said trying to sound calm and collected in reality I was upset. I originally went to college to learn all the things needed to be someone that taught others. I had been debating on changing my career path for sometime now and I think I finally found it. 

'I think I wanna try to join the BAU. Gideon already told me with how interested I was in the lecture and with how smart I am. I'd make a great addition to the team.'

He smashed his fingers on the piano and groaned. 'Reid we already planned our future together. Do you really wanna give that up to join the FBI?' The way he looked at me was as if I had broken his heart. It's not that I had forgotten our plans after college. The only problem was that I used to be able to see that future and now I couldn't. 

Since the class with Gideon and all the research I've done. Working for the FBI just made sense. It would cover everything for my mother's doctor's and Care facility. Plus being able to keep a great roof over my head and food in my belly. I suppose to Ethan not living life on the edge was boring.

I shook my head to escape the memory.  Out of all the ones to have right now, why did that one resurface? My head fell in my hands as I combed my hair out of my face. My phone went off with a text from Y/n. 

'Hey, so we found her abandoned hideout but it looks like she hasn't been here in a bit. I don't know if you've gone to see him or not but I figured you could maybe get more info? If you're feeling up to it of course. Otherwise he made a bond with Matt. He can try again when we get back.'

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to see him again. I thought I could separate my feelings towards him from this case and I know I'm not doing it. Perhaps I should step back from this case. I should talk to Emily. I know I'd still have to deal with Cat ever so often but otherwise she was my wife's problem now. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. Everything just seemed like too much right now. 

'Seriously we are not doing this right now Ethan?' I was putting back on my clothes.  Situating my hair as well. 'You are not going to make me late. I refuse to miss seeing my mother again because you can't not want to sleep with me when we are alone.'

I walked around him as I grabbed my bag to take with me to go see my mom. It held some overnight clothes. I had missed the last time they were going to allow me to stay. All because I gave in to Ethan's advances to make him happy. I loved him and when we weren't bickering things were fabulous. After a year of it though it's exhausting. 

He caught me by my hips and pulled me to him. I swatted his hands away. He may not have wanted anything from me but a proper goodbye but I didn't want to give him the chance. I had already prepared myself mentally for the arguing that was gonna come from me turning him down. Me leaving him alone for long periods of time made me nervous.  

He'd never done anything to make me anxious about leaving him. He'd only go to bars and play and have a couple of drinks with other musicians.  I had accompanied him plenty of times. Nothing ever happened besides musicians talking about anything and everything underneath the shitty neon lights of the bar.

'Tell your mom I said hi and that I hope she's doing well. Also tell her I'm sorry I kept you away last time. I don't know what came over me. ' He cupped my face and went to kiss me but I turned my head slightly.  Again. I'm not taking any chances. I'd happily lose anyone or anything as long as I still had my mom.  He ended up kissing my cheek. 

A sigh escaped him as he let me go. 'I'll see you when you get back. Yeah?' I nodded and smiled at him as I headed toward the door.

'Wait, Reid. I'll be going out tonight to play. I'll message you when I arrive and when I leave. I know how you worry. Tell me when you make it to your mom's.  I love you. ' I smiled as I ran off to see my mom.

A groan escaped me. Why? I'm so sick of these memories coming up. I looked around the roof and let out another sigh. I really need to let what happens next go. Yet before I could stop my brain it quickly wraps me and surrounds me in the memory and as it unfolds like a movie before my very eyes. I kept my vision from blurring from the unleashed tears. 

Time with my mom had gone by well from when I got there until now.  She started having a violent episode one that if I had stayed would have ended in her calling me crash again.  I'd never tell her she'd hit me. I just wanted comfort. So I came home early. Well to a place Ethan and I were renting together. I hadn't told him I was on my way home.  So when I came home to an empty place I wasn't surprised. I quickly dropped off my things and ran to where I figured he'd be.  The bar with his friends. It was rare anyone would be there right now actually drinking; they should just be setting their instruments.

Only when I came in I found Ethan behind stage with a girl's tongue shoved down his throat. There clothes slightly askew He pushed her away when he realized I was there. 'Spencer this isn't what It looks like!' 

I just stood there frozen. I couldn't form a word, I could barely comprehend what I saw.  When he stepped towards me. I turned away and just walked away. I felt like my heart had just been stomped into the ground after being clawed at unintentionally by my mother. I was broken. 

That night I got multiple calls and texts from Ethan. I ignored them all. I ended up sleeping on a campus bench. Comfy truly.  

I never fully spoke to Ethan after that day.  Things with my mom got chaotic and I didn't have the time to focus on anything but getting my PhD and taking care of my mom. As long as I was busy I couldn't blame myself that I was too afraid to face Ethan.  He broke my heart and I didn't even give him the opportunity to even try to explain himself.

That was ages ago though so why am I still thinking about it. Why won't my brain just shut up. I need to get back Inside. Maybe the team is back by now. 

------------

Having to find Spencer recently was starting to become a habit. I looked everywhere for him everywhere besides outside. I finally found him walking in from the stairway that led to the roof.

'Hey.' I gave him a small wave and what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This case was getting to him for obvious reasons. He honestly hasn't looked this distraught since after he came back from prison. 

His eyes widened slightly. 'Good you're all back already then?' I nodded. My eyes didn't want to leave him. I knew something had happened. I just didn't know what. Pushing him was never something I had done and I wasn't gonna start now. Maybe I'll just bring it up a little to see if he decides to tell me. If not then it can wait until he sorts out his mind.

'So we didn't find Lindsey.  We did find a couple of things though. Photos of you in Mexico. Photos of you even in the prison yard. Among others of max and you and us together.  Lindsey appears to be stalking us. Maybe it was something Cat asked her to do.  Or maybe Ethan was the one taking some of the photos.' I looked away and was staring at my hands as my brain started putting small pieces together. Theories really.

Spencer grabbed my hand gently and brought it up so I'd follow it with my eyes. 'I am actually debating on taking a step back from this case. I was gonna tell Emily and see what she thought.' The smile he gave me didn't reach his eyes. 

'Let's be honest it's probably for the best that I do. I know too much and I am far too involved, especially with Cat and Ethan both being a part of this. It's just more than I think I can handle. I could be wrong. Maybe I just need a day to breathe. I'll have to figure that out though.'

He placed my hand on his face and all I could do was rub my thumb across his jaw. I let out a small laugh suddenly. Which surprised him. 'I'm sorry it's not funny! I just kept thinking that If I pushed hard enough on your jawline would it cut me?' It was a terrible time for me to not be able to keep things to myself.  He needed me serious, right?

A laugh bellowed out of him and I could see some of the stress and pain he was carrying with him lift a little. I myself smiled too when he pulled me into his chest. 'Oh how I love you and your random thoughts.' He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned in as if he were gonna kiss me. 

One of our arrangements when we started dating was no PDA in the workplace if any, keep it always at a minimum. With what he was doing it was making me question if he was about to break that small rule. Not that I minded if he did or not though. 

He stroked my cheek and smiled at me as he pecked the tip of my nose and walked away.

I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose the way a bunny would. It tickled. A smile formed on my face as I watched him leave.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

[bioodorange]

oh fuck ignore that last ask i sent that in too early noooo curse my stupid fingers 😭😭😭 what i was going to say was which of the creepypastas would want kids? and which would have liked a family if things had gone differently? ( i love small children myself and can't wait to have a family someday 💕) ~ 🕊 dove anon 🕊

I wrote this and then it deleted Ill die now, please and thank you

||Human!Pastas And Having Kids||

Masky

so we dont know much about this guy besides college fuckhead who dicked around in the woods

I can see him going into movie writing, or directing some shit like that

But as soon as he kickstarts his career, he’s looking for someone to settle down with

I have this thing, this need to write Tim as a dad, even when he’s like as Masky trying to bash your skull in

Dad vibes

anyway-

He’d be the basic suburban dad, not I hate my wife jokes kind but, crappy hawaiin shirts and always smells like a grill kind

Surprisingly I can see him having from 3-5 kids

He would try and make it to every event, and if not, then he’d take em out for food or ice cream aftewards

He’d insist on making every halloween costume from scratch- and would do a pretty kickass job

Is a very hands on dad, would try and do sports or maybe a club, just something with each of his kids

Would often have them look at scripts or ideas for work and get their feedback

He would defintely put ductape around a leaking pipe and refuse to call the plumber

He’s fairly handy with tools but will say ductape is the solution to everything

If any of his kids were struggling with homework or grades, he’d spend hours over the dining room table trying to figure it out

Would end up calling Brian or some shit at 10 pm asking for help

If he had any kids with long hair, he’d learn to braid and style it without hurting them

OH- and he’d definetely wear one of those baby holster things on his back and brag to everyone about how amazing his kids are

Jeff the Killer

This one is less surprising

for me at least-

Even if he never went through all that hell, I can’t see his dad being that good of a person

He’d use his kids as emotional outlets and try to be a friend more then a dad

So Jeff would want kids, but be scared he wouldn’t be good enough of a dad

After some convincing, he’d be ready to maybe start fostering kids

It’d take two months before he decided to adopt them

Hed be great with young kids, he’s a playful dude

He’d carry them around on his shoulders, or spend all day putting together lego sets with them

You guys would have a big table in the basement full of the different sets him and the kids put together through the years

I can see yall having like 11 kids

LET ME EXPLAIN-

You guys would probably have the two poster kids you adopted, and then you would have two of you’re own

later on, you’d foster teenagers and adopt older kids who people didn’t usually want, it’d also feel weird in such an empty house after all your kids went off to college

Jeff would have a hard time with their teenage years

he’d take all their insults and stuff to heart

but would be the one ugly crying at graduation

He’d be the dad who interogated every single person you brought home romantically

Would definetely breakout the cowboy boots and shotgun

But then would also ugly cry at the wedding

Jane The Killer

Jane will be my final pasta for this one!

So I can’t see Jane being very big on getting pregnant

But she would gladly give bone marrow for her partner to have the kid

or adopt!

I feel like Jane would get married mid-early 20′s 

And have a few years of maybe traveling around the worlds or just living it up with her partner until deciding to have kids

Jane would most likely want to adopt a young baby for the full parenting expierence

She would enjoy dressing up her kid in little designer clothes, and full blown make overs everyday

Definetelyhas matching outfits

And as soon as the kids like two she gets another one

Something about their chubby little faces and adoreable babbles drive her crazy

And she stays like this as old as they get

When their little kids she gets them a bunch of matching school supplies and will do their hair every fuckin day

When they’re teenagers she willl spoil them with different clothes and makeup 

Shes a very loving and passionate mother, would do almost anything for her kids or partner

The only time she gets hostile is if theirs bullying or discrimination going on, she would not be afraid to punch a 10 year old in the face-

Would absoulutely need pictures of everyone at every event

And if her kids ever brought hime a partner, she’d treat them like family

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: still stalking mckenna Joe: what, we can't BOTH like music? Joe: that's gonna be problematic for me tbh Ronnie: mozarts ghost aint gonna possess him in the encore Ronnie: you can fuck off Joe: you can enjoy your night Joe: I'll take my chances Ronnie: take your chances somewhere else Ronnie: or you wont have any Joe: you looking out for me? Joe: not necessary, I promise Joe: you look like you got your hands full as is Ronnie: its a threat Ronnie: shouldnt be necessary Joe: my apologies for making you work harder but its still not cutting it Ronnie: [throws something at him in a dangerous manner watch out everyone] Ronnie: we can both be into cutting Ronnie: not a problem for me Joe: [when he's probably with his flatmate or similar like they will complain honey they basics lmao, meanwhile just like 😏] Joe: careful, people will think you care Ronnie: what fucking people Ronnie: your girlfriend Joe: for one Ronnie: muzzle your bitch or give her shit to sink her teeth into Ronnie: it aint complicated Joe: I don't think not glassing randoms is exactly rocket science either Ronnie: nothing random about you Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: you want some projection with that Joe: I found you, remember Ronnie: wasnt hiding nancy Ronnie: not still a runaway kid Joe: then don't hide Joe: I weren't looking for you, alright Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you said there aint no other bastards Joe: I meant tonight Joe: this is just coincidence, nothing more Ronnie: leave then Ronnie: your buyers remorse is about as welcome as you Joe: hardly Joe: that's not what it is either Ronnie: they were all out of shiny sisters baby Ronnie: take what you can get Joe: I've already got one of them Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i remember Joe: you don't want a refill then Joe: replace the one you tossed Ronnie: you on the spectrum or do you not wanna read social cues Joe: well I ain't leaving either way but if you don't wanna make the most outta it Joe: 👍 Ronnie: keep putting words in my mouth & see what happens to yours like Joe: what spectrum are you on if you think that constitutes a please and thanks Ronnie: take it up with your ma Ronnie: she wasnt about to teach me how to play nice Joe: not really her forte Ronnie: thats why im still waiting for my plane ticket home yeah Joe: possibly Joe: I don't know Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: how olds your good sister Joe: jury is out on good Joe: but 14 so we'll wait and see Ronnie: ill fucking drink to that Ronnie: if she was a write off shed already be Joe: depends on your perspective Joe: I try not to have one Joe: [is at bar] Ronnie: depends on your mas Ronnie: we cant all be black sheep Joe: exactly Joe: they don't really get on Joe: but she's probably just dreading the PTSD a teen pregnancy scare will bring Ronnie: should have kept me around Joe: yeah Ronnie: 1 more abortion and your country would offer me a fucking exorcism Ronnie: fun for all the family Joe: some girls have all the luck Joe: would not believe how hard it is for a lad to get one 🙄 Joe: [just putting the drinks for 'em on their table, when Charlie probs gonna flirt with you like oh hey] Ronnie: your girlfriend will let you hold her hand for her 1st Ronnie: stop sticking it in your cello & youll knock her up in no time Ronnie: [just staring at the drink like you've never seen one before] Joe: come on, she's CoE if I've ever seen it Joe: abortions? sure, but exorcisms ❌ Joe: [tryna just walk off but you know they'd be like who are you hello?! 'cos annoying lmao] Ronnie: not in ireland anymore baby Ronnie: [when you walk off like where the fuck have you got to be my dear] Joe: [at least he's not gonna drop the bomb, just being vague af like oh we met once or whatever goodbye] Joe: you gone yourself? 🛫🍀 Ronnie: on whos 💰 Joe: idk, your pals maybe Joe: but I've fucked off so he can at least top up your drink 'cos its long gone too Ronnie: wanker Ronnie: [comes back and punches charlie love you boy] Joe: [just wait 'til you have your own mindblown with that crazy connection boy] Joe: ✊ Ronnie: [gives him the biggest fuck you look ever like I can't believe you typed that] Joe: [just loling a lil 'scuse him company its not at whatever you said] Ronnie: [comes over, ignoring everyone else obvs, to drink his entire drink and walk off again] Joe: [omg stop flirting you two, everyone like what is going on tbh] Ronnie: [dancing with charlie cos he don't take kindly to being punched but you don't wanna answer his questions either] Joe: [save it for later you nosy hoe] Ronnie: [when you see his poor flatmate going to pee and follow her intimidatingly soz bitch] Joe: [this poor girl is in no way prepared lmao] Ronnie: [thinking she's about to get mugged or murdered] Joe: [when you're 18 and its your first time away from home no doubt this poor girl honestly] Ronnie: you deffo she aint catholic Ronnie: could see her in a penguin house Joe: weren't a question on the flatmate icebreakers Joe: shoulda asked for some segregrated accomodation but thought londoners were meant to be post-religion post-everything so Ronnie: 💔 it aint god its you baby Ronnie: shes no londoner Joe: no, I do know that one Joe: she's from Kent, I think Joe: or Surrey? Ronnie: not holy holier than tho Ronnie: u Ronnie: never gonna please a horse girl mckenna Joe: 😏 Joe: I'll not go there then Ronnie: charlies fucking easy to please Ronnie: youve done the 1 drink minimum & youll avoid the pregnancy scare Joe: I think he's the one that does the pleasing Joe: so I've been assured Ronnie: gets him off dont worry like Joe: I'll sleep easy now, tah Ronnie: lullabies are shit but yeah Joe: 🤞 that ain't his encore either Ronnie: if it aint opening an artery to spray the crowd count me the fuck out Joe: I wouldn't hold your breath Joe: though might be more fun Ronnie: [dramatically holds her breath in his direction like kids do] Joe: [just watching 'cos weird and into it] Ronnie: [lowkey going purple probably because you know she won't stop til she hits the deck] Joe: [just watching 'til the last sec when you obvs gonna catch her] Ronnie: [giving him a look when he does like we have to stop meeting like this but then exposing his tattoo wherever that is cos gotta check that really happened] Joe: [I hope you didn't opt for your booty, lol, probably inner bicep moment or something 'cos not that bitch getting those out at any chance] Ronnie: [just touching it like you're not shamelessly flirting with your brother okay then] Joe: [just looking at her face hardcore 'cos you can pretend you're checking her tat too] Ronnie: [when you come back to yourself and remember you're supposed to hate him for being your brother so you push him away unnecessarily hard and retreat to your corner] Joe: [go off to the bathroom yourself boy] Ronnie: [french exit while he's gone even though it'll make Charlie more annoying] Joe: [have fun Joseph] Joe: you missed the bloodbath Ronnie: made my own Joe: safer bet Joe: on all counts Ronnie: safer for your girlfriend Ronnie: & you Joe: you know she ain't my girlfriend Ronnie: no shit you dont wanna claim that conquest Joe: wrong again Joe: not gonna bang my flatmate who pays the bigger part of the rent 'cos she gets the en-suite Joe: give me some credit Ronnie: shed give you some if you gave it up to her Ronnie: but if youd rather pay rent Joe: there's no way I can keep that going 4 years Ronnie: she aint hacking it Ronnie: you can fucking smell the homesickness Joe: its like, down the road init Joe: ugh Ronnie: & Ronnie: she cant fit her horse in the en suite baby Joe: 😂 Joe: true..I'll make some rich friends to move in when she gallops off into the sunset then Ronnie: theyll not slum it with you for 4 years Joe: but I'm so charming Joe: what's the solution then, sis? Ronnie: sell yourself or kill yourself Joe: 👌 Joe: already with ya Ronnie: yeah dead connected us Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you're the only one that's allowed to be suicidal? Ronnie: oldest cunt gets dibs Ronnie: aint that how this sibling shit plays Ronnie: whatever you wanna do ive already done it Joe: half the time Joe: but the other half is youngest gets away with it 'cos they're cuter so Ronnie: cause theyre a crybaby Ronnie: yeah you can have that soft lad Joe: 😥 bit of a prerequisite for the suicide Joe: so generous Ronnie: i left you alive so you can do yourself in Ronnie: since youve got such a boner for it Ronnie: generosity begins & ends Joe: You can stop thinking about my boners then Joe: that'll be my attempt at the virtue Ronnie: put em away Joe: you tryna expose me Ronnie: you dont need my help Ronnie: flashers keep more hidden than you Joe: really Joe: don't seem like that's something that would bother you Ronnie: youre that special mckenna Ronnie: every fucking thing you do bothers me Joe: 💘 Joe: check facebook some more, I'll keep my events up to date Joe: can avoid each other easy Ronnie: nah you see me you walk the other way Joe: I got places to be babe Ronnie: yeah a&e Ronnie: if you dont get the fuck outta my face Joe: see, you're well about it Joe: I got it, yeah, we're not family Ronnie: were nothing Ronnie: & if thats what gets you off pay for it like the other cunts do Ronnie: not my 9-5 Joe: I found Soho by myself, don't worry Joe: we're good Ronnie: boss Ronnie: stay there Joe: more expensive than Sophie's horse that Ronnie: train her up to be whatever the fuck you want then Ronnie: 4 years in she could probably kiss with tongue like Joe: you gotta ask yourself why you care Joe: 'cos I know Ronnie: i dont have to ask myself fuck all Joe: deny it then Joe: works for me Ronnie: theres no need to deny theres cunts i wanna talk to less than you Ronnie: or i that i gotta have something to do while i wait Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're all talk Joe: say no more Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah fuck me Ronnie: stick your therapy speak in whatever hole you reckon can take it Ronnie: ill reverse over your head before i submit to this psychology bullshit Joe: not what I'm studying Joe: or doing Ronnie: you reckon if you say im all talk itll get you some action Ronnie: dream on motherfucker Ronnie: i dont look like her that much Joe: bold assumption Ronnie: nah Ronnie: charlies more like a brother than you & ive done everything there is to do to that tosser Joe: bold to assume I'm half as fucked up as you Joe: spent long enough telling me I can't be 'cos I got a ma and now I wanna fuck her, okay Ronnie: wearing it on your sleeve aint you though baby Ronnie: saw your arm & yeah i reckon halfs about right Ronnie: but me at 19 wouldve left you in more pieces than that Joe: you must be proud Ronnie: what the fuck of Joe: your 19 year old self Ronnie: youd have liked me better at 9 Joe: alright but a nonce joke is hardly original Ronnie: neithers wanting to fuck your ma Ronnie: read a book schoolboy Joe: that's you throwing that about Joe: not one I ask the prozzies to act out tah Ronnie: what the fuck else was your lil challenge about then Joe: what was yours? Ronnie: i didnt fire any shots shithead Joe: not true Joe: i got the 🍒 to prove it Ronnie: fuck me youre that cunt Ronnie: 1 sos & i owe you my life yeah Joe: where'd you hear that Joe: what was it, needle not clean or something Ronnie: you dont need to wait for a death that slow Ronnie: fucking do it Joe: why do you do it Ronnie: why do you give a shit what i do Joe: interesting Joe: why do you fuck with your face like that Ronnie: too late to keep it pretty for you Ronnie: should have nancy drewed this shit earlier Joe: you ain't gonna answer Joe: alright Ronnie: cant we both like pain Ronnie: is that your problem Joe: 'course Joe: no monopoly on that shit Joe: its universal, so the books say Ronnie: bullshit do you read fuck all else but sheet music Joe: not no more Joe: but i can read more than scales, like Joe: have to write essays and shit sometimes Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: save this riveting shit for your flatmates Joe: she does art Joe: dunno what the lad does, he's out his room less than me Ronnie: horse cocks out of clay like Ronnie: bet shes the professors pet Joe: 🤞 she gets in an ill-advised affair with a pervy prof Ronnie: every other repressed white bitch has done it Joe: my home is safe Joe: hooray Ronnie: til i sleuth your address Joe: then its petrol bombs and dog shit, I know Ronnie: after theres fuck all left to steal Ronnie: 🤡s in films 🔥💸 Joe: and eat six year old's arms Joe: crack on Ronnie: i aint bitten any kids since i was Joe: I'm proud even if you ain't then Ronnie: raise the bar baby Joe: guess the other lad you were with don't technically count no more Joe: actual kids are that annoying Ronnie: kids get to be annoying Joe: lucky ones Joe: the ones that get to be kids Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: youll be born & die a saint Ronnie: such a fucking martyr Joe: when God comes a calling, you can't refuse, obvs Joe: guess that's what she gets for not aborting you, nice bonus for being good Ronnie: yeah Joe: likes a joke as much as the next Joe: gutted for her Ronnie: cant take the scouse sinner out of her however much irish catholic dick shes taken since Ronnie: 💔 Joe: if its only paddys in heaven, I'll lose the invite Ronnie: you better stay in purgatory then Ronnie: dont want you in hell with me Joe: you're just jealous I'll be too busy getting tortured by some other demon Joe: you're alright, anguishing over my wrongs for eternity sounds like a bit of me Joe: I can hack it, more painful than being sodomized with pitchforks or whatever weak shit you're in store for Ronnie: wanna see your cum face even less Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: 😂 Joe: shh, you already know he's got that sick sense of humour Joe: your own clockwork orange moment for eternity now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you ain't nothing like I thought when I was 🔎🤔 Ronnie: cheers for the romantic cliche you pussy Joe: you're that special Joe: and welcome Ronnie: what did you reckon id be like Joe: like the rest of 'em Joe: complete the cliche Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what, I did Joe: there ain't a bigger compliment, honestly Ronnie: i dont wanna hear your compliments Ronnie: or how big they are Joe: 😏 Joe: you asked Ronnie: cause i cant resist hearing how fucking soft you are Joe: that makes you pretty fucking soft yourself then don't it Ronnie: fuck you Joe: back here, yeah Ronnie: back at get someone else to knock you out Joe: shouldn't be hard Ronnie: depends how hard you are Ronnie: could be a turn on or off Joe: either way, its incentive for them to go harder Joe: can't lose, me Ronnie: enjoy yourself baby Joe: never Joe: if I lose my overwhelming urge to die what have I got Ronnie: new overwhelming urges Joe: won't be that good Ronnie: write it in your diary i didnt ask for your review Joe: you can do that you know Joe: they've all got profiles, like they're a shit local pub or something Ronnie: what a fucking state Joe: won't miss it when I'm in pugatory Ronnie: if i had a shot for every time you cried your eyes out id miss that Joe: you'd miss having a liver Joe: and functioning braincell Ronnie: didnt mean that kind of shot shithead Joe: your aim is for shit, true Ronnie: or that one Joe: ahh Ronnie: you had me at dirty needles 💘 Joe: s'worth being alive for, then? Ronnie: what the fuck waste of a question is that Joe: why? Ronnie: what do you think Joe: reason I'm asking Joe: if its just another slow way to kill yourself then I'm sound but if its more than that then its a potential for the repertoire Ronnie: if it was id have taken a faster way out Joe: its noted Ronnie: why do you wanna die Joe: its not even Joe: I ain't actually sad, soz to burst your 😥 bubble, IOU some shots, whatever Joe: just wanna turn my head off, not have to participate Joe: deal with any of it Joe: but saying you wanna be put in a coma doesn't quite have the same punch Ronnie: underline that note then Joe: yeah? Joe: not like I've never thought about it Joe: think about it a lot, hence the need for a fucking switch Joe: how cliche to look like I'm doing it to spite her though, eh? Ronnie: whatever you take now thats strawberry flavoured childhood bullshit Ronnie: youve found your prescribed dose of working adult medicine Joe: it don't touch it, not worth taking unless you wanna down half a blister at a time and have a decent kip Joe: get me some and I'll pay you 20% for your trouble Ronnie: come over Ronnie: told you im waiting Joe: alright Joe: if I ask for your current location do I give away that I'm not a decent stalker Ronnie: youve fucking shown that card bitch Joe: figured Joe: be obliging then Ronnie: [a location of who the fuck knows where cos we don't need Charlie or Bronson there for this excuse you lads] Joe: [when you need some privacy for your bonding] Ronnie: [when you need some privacy to shoot up your half brother who you ain't even told your other fam about] Joe: [fun and games] Joe: cool Joe: 🤞 i'm there just after the heroin Ronnie: get here before or ill be in no state to keep obliging you Joe: I'm yet to be initiated, my timekeeping skills are 🔥 Ronnie: give a shit about your cv Joe: I'll be there Ronnie: your loss if you aint Ronnie: dont come crying to me Ronnie: i wont hear it for fucking ages Joe: i'm not an idiot Ronnie: it dont matter who or what you are Ronnie: stopped listening after the ill be there Joe: 💘 Ronnie: get it tattooed next yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: over the real fucker Ronnie: cause you love a cliche Joe: 'course Joe: have to find another dickhead with a gun though Joe: that one did not know his left from his right Ronnie: get what you pay for baby Ronnie: & we didnt Joe: touche Joe: I'll forgo accuracy for that Joe: and the dirty needle, obvs Ronnie: getting to put his hand on my tit will blow the brains he has like Joe: 😏 Ronnie: but if i toss him off thatll get shit back on track Joe: hot Joe: love that you have a plan Ronnie: cute Ronnie: you reckoning im pure chaos Ronnie: not your manic pixie dream skank Joe: ain't planning on being a composer Joe: least not now Joe: don't need to write about you Ronnie: 💔 Joe: make up your mind Ronnie: you aint on my mind mckenna Ronnie: dont get your balls in a twist Joe: do you wanna be on mine or not Ronnie: i know whats on yours Joe: same Joe: makes a change Ronnie: compose a song about your confusion then like Joe: less cliche than a love song Joe: still Ronnie: do it from the pov of the horse Ronnie: be a hit with your flatmate Joe: you just wanna get me stalked Joe: paybacks a bitch, yeah Ronnie: wanna get your habit paid for before you start it Ronnie: throw her a boner Ronnie: whats the fucking drama Joe: i don't fancy her Joe: nor having the convo about where all her moneys going Ronnie: & Ronnie: i dont fancy the cunt with the tattoo gun Ronnie: got fuck all to do with it Joe: & Joe: you're lowering standards, not getting anything up Ronnie: close your eyes & think of gear Ronnie: youll do anything for a horse like that Joe: let me try it first Ronnie: dont need to hear about your trust issues baby Joe: better stop talking now then Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: [you know when its like 'removed message' that] Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what Ronnie: i cant cut your sense of humour out Ronnie: cant live with it Joe: no funny business Joe: just a buttdial Ronnie: charlie aint here but adorable that you 2 homos hit it off Joe: just scousers gotta stick together or did you know him from back home Ronnie: he didnt give you the rundown Ronnie: mustve made him speechless mckenna Joe: too busy trying to work out how I knew you Ronnie: we grew up together Ronnie: & the mime standing next to us Joe: cool Ronnie: nah Ronnie: fucked Joe: I mean that you still know 'em, talk to 'em Ronnie: we aint trying to throw our family away for a new one Joe: like I said, s'cool Ronnie: like i said hes gonna eat that shit up Ronnie: you fawning over his family set up Joe: good to know Joe: not really my type either, call me fussy Ronnie: fucks sake Ronnie: join the god squad now & save yourself the 12 steps Joe: 'cos I don't wanna do a bloke or my horse girl roommate Ronnie: cause you only wanna do your ma Joe: you can't just give me dud options and come to that conclusion Ronnie: we playing fuck marry kill now Joe: not playing nothing with you Joe: cheater Ronnie: crybaby Joe: you'll 😥 when I have to kill your mate Ronnie: you wish Joe: making people cry is your thing Joe: I don't need to fight that claim Ronnie: like you aint been wanting to save me again since the 1st time Ronnie: thats your thing yeah Joe: save you from what? Joe: smack? obviously not Joe: other self-destructive tendencies? try again Ronnie: it obviously dont matter Ronnie: id never seen you & id still never seen a cunt more excited to do a rescue Joe: and I'd never seen you Joe: maybe you'd got all kinds of fucked up 'cos of all the shit I dragged up Joe: basic decency ain't nothing to get excited about Ronnie: i know how to self soothe im a big girl now Joe: didn't need you self-soothing yourself to death on my conscience Ronnie: didnt ask you to give a shit Ronnie: catholic guilts best left at home baby Ronnie: youll never find a place with the cockneys Joe: about myself? Joe: its barely but hanging on by a thread Joe: soz Joe: dead girls fuck you up Ronnie: not your type either then Joe: ultimate type Joe: don't wanna commit right now, tah Ronnie: 🤞 i od & you can finally sort your misery boner out Joe: too giving you Ronnie: im dead i aint giving a shit Joe: put that on the headstone Ronnie: pay for it you write whatever cliche you want Joe: you want a classy picture affair Joe: got it Ronnie: stop getting me Ronnie: it makes me wanna blow my brains out Joe: its obvious you wanna be seen Joe: no spooky sibling connection required Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what's better than ruining a graveyards ambiance for the mourners for the forseeable Ronnie: theres no room in the ground soft lad Joe: they just chuck you in with the old bones Joe: or 'move' them Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: plague pit is the way to go Ronnie: fit the horse & the girl Ronnie: how fucking romantic Joe: that's me Ronnie: ill put john in the 💘 for you baby Ronnie: your ma robbed you blind of so many lennon comparisons Joe: still time to be pretentious with soph Joe: fuck off getting out of bed for good Ronnie: smother her with a pillow & fuck her corpse youll be feeling peace & love Joe: 💎🍓💘 Ronnie: playing with emojis & yourself aint getting you here Ronnie: hurry up Joe: can't make you any closer Ronnie: 💔

[deeahhnuh]

2018!!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2019 is coming. What?!?!?

Happy almost New Year, Tumblr! :)

What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Huh... I don't think I actually did anything too different this year! Well, this review is off to a great start, lol!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As usual, no real official resolutions - I like having little goals as the year goes along!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!! My cousin had a precious baby girl!!

Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother - Ma - passed away in late November. It's difficult to articulate, mostly because I just can't quite comprehend it yet, how much I will miss her. Ma was the biggest, warmest presence in our family. All of my memories have at least some trace of Ma in them!

One memory that I've recalled a lot lately is of the times we played my Barbie board game, sometime in the late '90s. There were so many wonderful times, but those Barbie game nights with just us girls - Ma, my mom (her daughter), and me - were magical. I would set the game up on the dining room table at BaBa (my grandfather) and Ma's house and we would play and talk and laugh! Ma was in her early 70s then, but her peals of laughter and her face lit up with smiles gave me a glimpse into what she must have been like as a teenager.

That was Ma!! ❤️ She was always up for having fun, for reminiscing about funny memories, for enjoying life. Ma was there for every big event and for all the quiet moments, too. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had Ma for so long into my life. I love her, and I miss her.

What countries did you visit?

None! I really need to get out more, lol!

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Of course there are things I'd like to have, do, and learn in the next year - but I'm happy to say I didn't really lack anything in 2018! :)

What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The end of November and beginning of December were marked by sadness and loss, but also with connection and love - my family really helped (and continue to help) one another through a hard time. I feel closer than ever to my fam. ❤️

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Been a Registration Assistant for two years now, and I love it!! Less real-lifey, and actually very goofy - I hit (and passed) 10,000 scrobbles for the year. I haven't hit that kind of high number for a while, so... Achievement!

What was your biggest failure?

Didn't do anything too stupid this year, haha!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, yay!

What was the best thing you bought?

I love fragrances, so my fave purchase this year is, of course, a perfume! Calvin Klein Euphoria Amber Gold just smells soooo gooood. It's rich and sweet, kinda syrupy - really beautiful.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My family. The mama, the dad, the bro - they are so awesome. We're always there for each other - I love them more than words can say!!! ❤️

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one really! I've been pretty even-tempered all year, haha!

Where did most of your money go?

Probably perfume, lol! But music is right up there, too. Maybe movies as well! Basically, entertainment!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Kylie's new album, Golden!! Actually, a few other music faves had new releases too, and I was hyped about them all - Richard Ashcroft (Natural Rebel), Florence + The Machine (High As Hope), Lykke Li (so sad so sexy), Emika (Falling in Love With Sadness), Sarah Brightman (Hymn), and Arctic Monkeys (Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino). Great music, all year long!

What song will always remind you of 2018?

List time!

"Dancing" by Kylie Minogue. Of course! My queen returned with a lovely album this year (see above!), but this seemingly simple first single had to grow on me. I say "seemingly simple" because at first listen, it is! Guitar, stripped-down beat - where's the glitter? It's in Kylie's voice, in how she declares with gusto: "When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" A quietly bombastic grower.

"Breathe" by Jax Jones. Catchy and bouncy!

"One Kiss" by Calvin Harris feat. Dua Lipa. Breezy fun!

"In My Mind" by Dynoro & Gigi D'Agostino. Hypnotic!

Compared to this time last year (2017), are you:

Doing really well, kinda like last year! :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quoting last year's year in review: "wish I'd listened to more new albums, and not just compilations." But I loves my dance music comps so much! :O I really think I'll try to listen to more new music in the new year.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Not to be too serious business, but doubting myself. I worry I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right, or could have done it better. I guess a little self doubt keeps you on your toes - keeps you challenging yourself - but I'm happy that as I've gotten older and a tad wiser, and gained more confidence in myself, these worries have lessened. So this year, I did doubt myself, but not as much as last year, or the year before. Here's to an even more confident 2019! ;)

How did you spend Christmas?

Fam, ham, and fun! :)

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?

I managed to not embarrass myself all year, haha!

How many one-night stands?

None, lol

What was your favorite TV program?

Forever a fan of goofy cartoons!

Real Housewives! All of 'em are wonderful trash TV. :) (Gif source!)

And for no good reason I watched every season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! on Hulu. Cracks me right up!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Put-together and polished, I like to think!

What kept you sane?

Lots of music, movies, and TV. Always up for some entertainment!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah!

What was the best book you read in 2018?

Ooh, just got a New Year's Resolution for 2019 - read a book, lol.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered some old faves! "Love Today" by Mika has forever been pure joy, "You Can Dance" by Bryan Ferry can't be any smoother, "Spirits" by Jamie Woon stays majestic, "212" by Azealia Banks still slaps, "Reagan's Skeleton" by Yeasayer continues to be massive, and "Watch Out For This (Bumaye)" by Major Lazer is always a banger.

What did you want and get?

Lots of good things - I'm very fortunate!!

What did you want and not get?

Nothing! Like I said, fortunate. ❤️

What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see many movies released this year, but I did really like Ant-Man and the Wasp!

And A Quiet Place!

I also saw Midnight in Paris (2011) after years of meaning to - it's such a lovely film!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32! Little fun things - used CD shopping (a fave thing to do), movies, good meal...!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Can't ask for more!!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I've never watched American Horror Story because it seems pretty spoopy and I'm a wimp, but I was going around the channels and that guy who plays the Antichrist lol - Cody Fern - caught my eye. He fine!

What political issue stirred you the most?

There's something new stirring every day, ugh!

Who did you miss?

Ma. ❤️

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?

Family matters - not the TV show, although that's good too! I already knew this, but I really really felt it so much this year. ❤️

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" No matter what's going on, I want to try and have a good time and enjoy things! Here's to a 2019 full of goin' out and dancing! :)