#Crazy shit from the internet
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post posting clarity is brutal
#like fuuuck that's just on the internet forever now.#feels different than all my posts on here#like it's one thing to reblog other people's posts and be all like yeah thats hot#it's a whole nother thing to *write* something myself bein like man this is hot i'm having a great time#n then post it and it's like. oh god what if they all think i'm a pervert. like bro everybody already knows. relax#glad i started out with destiel first as my safety point#like i'd been riding a ryliver thirst tweets high and if i'd started with rpf smut like i'd wanted i'd've probably deleted my whole blog#cuz the way i'm feeling now would've been multiplied by a million#anyway i'm gonna leave my fic and the post about it up but not pinned for now#i spent a full two days working on it (yay unemployment) and i've read and reread it so many times now as i was trying to get it perfect#that i think i need a break from it before i look back and see if it's really even that serious. it probably isnt#i mean shit it was pretty normal. i've read much more insane things. but maybe i'm wildly overestimsting the average person's kinkiness#or. crazy idea. maybe i'm WAY overthinking this and i should put on some anton petrov astronomy videos and go to sleep#ej.txt
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Working on a paper about Lacey Games for a college class and I'm thinking so much about Rocio for real, I will absolutely go to bat for her
Rocio they (Grace and Charlie) could never make me hate you
(the paper is not, in fact, about Rocio. She's just my favorite <3)
#I'm not a Rocio apologist I'm her defense attorney#and babe we're going for a plea bargain bc she absolutely did all that shit lmao#yes yes Rocio is responsible for her own actions but Grace was absolutely not helping her declining mental health#and the ableist/victim-blame-y language she uses to talk about Rocio does NOT endear her to me#Charlie is deffo commentary on amateur internet sleuthing overstepping boundaries and digging up old wounds as well#she describes Rocio like a fun ghost story/mystery and Grace calls Rocio crazy. Ain't they just a pair#I have a lot of thoughts about this and I might make a video essay of my own one of these days. SOMEONE needs to defend Rocio after all#I can't be the only one burdened with the weight of being correct and based in my character analysis /silly#idea speaks#idea original post#idea's tales from academia#lacey games#tag chatter
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ppl reviewing anti lawn books on goodreads and going "this is preachy" yeah its about a political movement what do you want. are they supposed to NOT advocate for their beliefs
#im getring nervous bc im writing the longest ever video essay that is a persuasive essay for the anti lawn movement#and i already overexplain shit sm#and in real life ppl r ususlaly receptive to my evangelicalizing of these beleifs#but on the internet ppl are mean. i dont want ppl to be mean to me. i just have strong opinions#also ok. american green is a great book and i find it annoying how its a Centrist Take That Acknowledges Both Perspectives on the basis that#sometimes it is jusy sooooo Obnoxiously Centrist#but it IS good to have both perspectives#but then at the end hes like ' and the ppl who wrote the landscaping revolution are CRAZY bc they think this is a moral issue '#and its like YOU DONT???? YOU RECOUNTED ALL THAT INFO AND YOU DONT. THINK THIS IS A MORAL ISSUE#HWAT???#the qhole book makes it Very Clear that anti lawn is the way to go just from Objective Facts#and then hes like 'and both sides suck!!! im better than them because im Neutral' and its like. did you read your own book man?
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Guys I am so fucking itchy and every time I scratch I get these purple blotches showing up afterwards. What is that about
#the internet is calling it petrechiae#i don’t think it’s anything but isn’t it though? like i’ve had this a little before but not on this scale#i mean my entire legs are basically itchy and then i scratch and then i get this#some people are saying iron deficiency. seems extremely likely#others are saying low platelet count. precisely what is that doing to sabotage me#others are saying leukaemia. not good#i have to go to the doctor anyway about my horrendous acid reflux so if this shit is still happening to me by then i’ll be like hey chief#why this???#also should i up my iron intake. i already take 7mg a day#mayhaps i could go up to 10?#i forgot to take antihistamines for a couple of days and i just took some which hopefully could help#i’ve chucked all the pants i’ve been wearing in the laundry#it’s moreso the itching that’s bothering me. it’s so random. my skin will look no different than usual yet it itches like CRAZY#i scratch it like crazy and it goes red and then i get the blotches sometime later#so i think the petrechiae are from trauma from scratching. but then WHAT’S MAKING ME ITCH#i wonder if it’s just the histamines released when i idly scratch the first time#maybe also my anxiety because i don’t want to lie here scratching my whole body all day. which draws my attention to it#will i die from this. answers on a postcard please#personal
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#dude its crazy how i always end up loving a ship thats widely hated (on twt) for NO FUCKING REASON???#like dmngl obv i dont get the hate (i mean i kinda do bc they hate him and love her and want her to be a lesbian#and us just being silly delusional for funsies on the internet destroys THEIR narrative so. Ok)#also another ship i love that the twt fandom hates : krtsk from hq#LMAOOOO the shit ive had to read from idiots with a kink for (fake) moral superiority……#calling it a power imbalance/pr*datory/gr**ming oh my god you people are just making shit up & downplaying those actual terrible things huh#ALSO. common point here too: its ALWAYS bc theyre clashing w a more popular ship. yk which ones im not naming for either example#dude. we are being delusional abt internet ppl w personal lives we're aware of (amnd's MARRIED and STRAIGHT) & also things we ARENT aware o#and (talking abt hq) we are being delusional abt pixels and their relationships which are NOT canon!#and even if they are canon ppl can ship what they want!#ships dont threaten each other bc neither of them are real and this is all fake and for funsies#BUT. ppls prejudices and how they justify their opinions are real. and THATS more worrying than being silly abt fake r/s on the internet#chemistry is in the eye of the beholder#anyway.#i need to calm down. everything's fine. i'm an adult.#this is the only time ill talk abt this i truly dont (/dont want to) care none of this matters#i have a job (i want to quit). a career (thats going off the path i want). a cat to feed (who is fat and i love her)#also most haters are useless to the fandom and contribute nothing other than lukewarm regurgitated takes and shady tweets.#i am a writer and am therefore better than them . like. as a person entirely#and if youre any kind of creator then youre better than them. actually as long as ure not a senseless hater like them then youre cool too.
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Do you love this skull? And the old internet? And attribution? You might like this :)
#this is delightful#i really am enjoying the newish trend of tracking down sources and creators of iconic internet things#also i find it very funny and crazy that people finding old websites#can't seem to process the concept of personal webpages#so many times in these sorts of things i see creators puzzling over 'why this was made'#because we're so steeped in corporate hosted social media sites and presences#that younger folks are just too distanced from the idea of just#making a personal site with your own random stuff and interests#disconnected from a Facebook or tiktok curated page#go make a geocities site and recapture being free!#this has gotten away from me somewhat#but i really liked this video and all the effort that went into it#i remember being in 7th grade picking through various rudimentary search engines#because google didn't exist and different sites trawled different content#looking for cool gifs and art#because little pixelated dragon gifs were the coolest damn thing to me#yes I'm old as shit‚ sorry#and a lot of this video brought back some of that#i miss it#long live jazz skull#Youtube#skull#skeleton#Halloween#doot skull#trumpet skeleton#spooky gifs
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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Vent
i don't know what to do
I've been a mess of emotions for the past weak over multiple things and today was just really bad. My feelings about my body have been getting worse and that's caused a big pause in a lot of plans I've had. i know I've said this before and that this is repetitive at this point but i really want to get into cosplay again because it made me so happy and i want to feel that again but when i look at myself i lose all wanting to do so. Plus i live in the middle of Yee-haw Pennsylvania and i honestly don't feel safe/confident cosplay here. I've been stressing about everything and have just been so physically and emotionally drained that all i do is work and then sleep. I'm in a difficult place with money because even though i have a job i have such a crippling fear of losing to all that i panic when i have to buy anything. i literally had a emotional breakdown over ordering Chinese food because i couldn't get what i normally do and the stress of having to pick something new. because of how stressed and tired i am I've been bitchy with my dad and little sister and that makes me feel worse because i don't want to be like that but i just can't help it. I have like 17 half finished headcanon/storyline post i want to work on but i quite literally can't because every time i try i just get so worked up over it. and i know no one will probably see this because it's just a bunch of self pitting bullshit but i just needed to get this out. on top of all of this I'm having a crises with my sexuality and i just don't know how or what to feel
#vent post#I don't care#call me a cry baby over this shit but i don't know whats wrong with my head and i feel like i'm going crazy#my emotions haven't ever been this bad#Touch sounds and foods are literally killing me and i don't know what any of this means#I don't know if i should take a break from the internet for a while#but at the same time this is like the only source of human connection I'm getting#and i know that's pathetic but its true
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I caught on the sideline that Dream and Tubbo were live debating over the whole beef their respective friendgroups have and while it was infuriating to listen to at times, the thing that made me cringe the most were the fanbases of both sides villainizing the other. Like, why are yall so into it that you get rose tinted glasses and ride the dick of your fav side no matter what?
#idk maybe im too old atp but like#you can actually witness or follow drama without being cringe if that makes sense#i promise you you are not involved#so why do you make yourself get involved to such a degree#tubbo literally set up the whole debate shit to like maybe find a middle ground and talk it out in the best utopian case#and all of chat was just GET HIS ASS!!!! HELL YEAH!!!! SHOW THIS VILLAIN WHATS UP!!!#while i witnessed dream fans going TUBBO IS SO UNFAIR!!!! THIS IS JUST SLANDER!!!! MY POOR BBY DREAM!!!#and its just two dudes with adhd arguing and sometimes having a weird opinion they throw at each others head#maybe thats just the internet though#god i am glad i left this bubble#witnessing this behaivor from outside is crazy
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I'm posting this for transparency reasons
#andy rambles#I've been actively trying to keep my irl shit off of the internet but this is one of the few times I'll be this open#mostly because it relates to my art#also; I'm sorry for how excessive I was being when it came to posting about my IRL life two years ago#that's just what being 14 was like ig#and yes this is me stating that I am but a young boy#I'm 16 lol. I don't really care if people know. I just don't put it in my bios or anything cause that's just kind weird to me#this is a genuine fear of mine though#I know that there's clear signs that what I make is mine when looking at my entire body of work from my entire life#but it still feels like someone out there is going to think I'm an art thief?#maybe im just going crazy. idk#I just worry a lot. excessively even#as if that wasn't obvious enough lmao
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I know crazy runs in the family but my god did I forget just how crazy crazy gets
#and that my aunt is the craziest of all holy fuck#how does she manage to be so deeply insecure and downright jealous of me#and she’s so passive agressive. or downright aggressive. always competition with me. girl you’re twice my age#it’s not like I’m competing with you#and so nitpicky my god. I think she got mad at me bc she perceived that I called her cheap#and she is cheap but I didn’t call her cheap lmao I just told her she wasn’t doing what my parents were paying her to do#while they’re out of town. and that it’s pretty shitty to pocket someone’s money and not do what you’re asked to#and did she tell me she was mad. no. she just gave me the silent treatment and huffed around and gave me one word answers to things if that#but then she went and told my mom my room was messy (it isn’t for once) specifically so my mom would bar me from the internet???#like girl that’s a whole new level of crazy#I worked it out with my mom but holy fuck man#and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. how many more days do I have of her staying with me lmao#I love my aunt but Jesus fucking Christ man#also when she’s done with a conversation she’ll just stop talking to you and so you’ll think you’re having a good convo#and then suddenly she just stops talking and it makes you feel like absolute shit. anyway. anyway#I think she trashed my room to convince my mom#it was messy low key#anyway. just needed to vent. I’m eating a parfait now
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i keep seeing your asses in my reblogs so let me reiterate Proshitters get off my blog i do NOT like you . thanks
#i should never be made to read the words “i love” and “noncon” in the same sentence ever again#plus it's crazy how often i see posts from proshitters equating real cops to “fanpolice” ironically.#fiction doesn't affect reality until the teenagers on tumblr start making fun of you for shipping a little girl with her mother apparently#anyway speaking of which if you say shit like “acab includes fandom cops too” i'm blowing you up with my mind thanks#every time i see a post like that it fucking annoys me because . in no way is internet discourse at all comparable to the government funded+#+murder of my people. i never wanna see blm in your bio AGAIN if you preach shit like that. don't compare real deaths to ship discourse. god
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#i already posted this in my personal group chat but the only person who's responded so far is my sibling#and I'd really like to hear from someone outside of “people who benefit from telling me nice things”#because yeah its probably still true but my brain won't listen#anyway#I'm probably (definitely) spending too much time on the Internet and suffering from some crazy depression#but regardless#I'm feeling like shit about my writing and it's created a negative motivation loop#I keep seeing people churn out work that's 5 to 10x longer than what I post#Some people I'm seeing do that daily#and I can barely post one or two things a month.#It's been making me feel like shit that I just can't seem to do that.#I know part of it just isn't my style#and I usually love that my work is easier to read#but i thought that would get me more engagement and i guess I was wrong#plus when all you see is negative feedback on *literally that style* and getting no positive feedback at all#it's a real fucking killer.
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so like i think filesystem formats are 95% "if you don't understand what people are saying it means you dont need to care about this" and i understand almost nothing but im interested in something someone said about how btrfs and ssd managers use such similar systems for block based writing and COWing that if you made sure they were block-aligned itd be even more efficient than a naive approach & negate the problems people usually raise with excessive ssd wear with btrfs. but i don't know shit about that or how to begin to know shit about that. it seems like it's maybe a matter of config stuff but i haven't really gotten into OS & firmware level config stuff so i don't know how that goes. also it's fucked up that the accepted/ official pronunciation of btrfs is "butter"
#i think like 2 of my mutuals also use linux i dont like expect people to know what I'm talking about but i don't wanna make a reddit account#so im just saying shit on here instead#i didn't bother saving anything except my personal files and the folders for my minecraft launcher and stardew valley when i wiped it so#idk but i don't think those are that big and i had like 650gb free of 1tb and i truly dont know where the fuck that came from#my only modern game is 7dtd. i don't use that many programs and blender is like so crazy small for what it is#like literally what the fuck was i downloading. i mostly downloaded from the internet instead of apt or flatpak so i didnt like Have a List
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As a psychology major, I can say and firmly believe that Freud is so stupid. He'd be so close to getting it, then boom. He's back to saying stupid ass shit.
#my posts -//#idk ppl on tiktok are annoying and think they’re so smart like no!!! you’re 15/16 and lack critical thinking#I understand why he’s still taught or talked about or whatever#because he’s the pillar (that’s how I’ll phrase it ig lol) of psychology/when it was still an enigma#but like… if he were to say all that shit now ppl would think he’s crazy#ppl back then had no idea what psychology was so when someone presents a new topic with unheard of perspectives#then ppl are gonna think that persons knows what they’re talking about#because there’s nothing else to go off of and they have no prior knowledge or understanding#also a lot of his research/findings whatever… was concluded from observing males#and he just took those theories and copy and pasted and slightly edited them when it came to girls#like??? that’s NOT HOW THAT WORKS LMFAOO#idk I just wish ppl would actually educate themselves instead of spewing dumb shit#but hey… thats nothing new for tiktok users#and the internet in general
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"i read the wiki and i saw the pages/panels already, why do i need to read the comics?"
because a) some those comics fuck with awing dexterity and stamina b) there's a good chance shit is out of context or simply misrepresented (innocently, humorously, ignorantly or maliciously) and c) you know the beats/endings of tons of shit, but it doesn't impede your enjoyment of it, now does it? sure it's nice to go in spoiler free, but if the gimmick of spoiling material is all a piece of media has, then that piece of media is meritless. you knew who luke skywalker's father was before you saw the movie. is it still worth watching? you knew romeo and juliet died before you read the play. is it still worth reading? do you not want to go on a journey? do you not want to feel something? do you not want to commiserate about the human experience through art? a wiki will never be comprehensive enough to cover everything you would have read or seen yourself--it can't be, not without being the thing itself. even then, you still miss the things not on the page/screen, the things that are only implied, the things that go unstated, or else conspicuously omitted. don't talk to me about shit haunting the narrative if the only haunting you've ever been apart of was your passing despite your dogshit analysis skills haunting the conscience of your eng 101 adjunct professor in perpetual fear of losing their contract and being relocated from their car to under a bridge by demanding college students demonstrate basic reading comprehension, critical thinking, and coherent argumentative skills. boast about killing the author? my friend, you are cain advancing in the fields, skulking, stepping in abel's footprints, filled with murderous intent, with nothing but the chinese telephone-equivalent of a description of a weapon cutting into your soft palms.
#lmfao me#capeshit#thinking about that panel where blown-out-back damian is screaming at dick that he's crazy and he caused [all this]#that was used as an example of damian being a little shit#when it literally was all dick's fault bc he dipped a corpse in the green juice and that corpse tried to kill damian#do i know all the major beats of nightwing 1996? yes. spoiled to hell and back. did i get jerked around by emotions at multiple points#and cry like a bitch when dick tried to comfort aaron in the wreckage of the their apartment complex? i sure as fuck did! big ol' emotions.#the thing is you can read that scene on a wiki you can see it isolated on your screen but you will lack so. much.#the thing is comics are a visual medium. so much is said merely in the positioning the juxtaposition of panels.#like in venn diagram. what the FUCK was that. i don't know. but you sure as fuck won't find it on a wiki. but my eyes saw it!#ask ten people to describe a facial expression in a photo or explain why someone did something in a short story excerpt#and very quickly you will or should notice something disconcerting. you could be getting your information from any of those ten.#what did you see? what did you read? why. fucking argue about it like god intended.#yes indeed god gave humans free will to argue about their blorbos their specialist boys on the internet.#c o n s u m e t h e o r i g i n a l m e d i a n o t p r o d u c t s a n d a e s t h e t i c s
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