#Damn fantasy high good yall

[rooolt]

I always forget how much of a mystery fantasy high actually is until I rewatch it and realize still how much I missed

[catsteeth]

Sugar & Violence

Podrick Payne x reader 

+:✿ Chapter 1 ✿:+ : Lucky Boy

chapter 2

Summary: You’re a Mormont being held hostage by House Lannister.  You are acting now as the Handmaiden for Margery Tyrell, whom you’ve grown quite close with. But it seems that a squire has caught your attention as you have caught his. 

CW: afab reader, slow burn, mention violence, blood, mention of harassment, mention of NSFW themes.

A/N: I am not giving up on the leashed dog series yall I promise I have just been PINING for pod the rod recently… and tbh we need a little sweetness with everything happening in the other series okay. He is a rom com boy trapped in a medieval fantasy war and I feel so bad for him.

Word Count: 3348 

It had been many days now being held by the Lannisters. You’d no real duties on Bear Island as it was such a small house. Your Aunt was a fierce leader and needed no guidance. You had chosen to venture off of Bear Island to celebrate your coming of age. You decided to travel all over the realm, you wished to see the world and experience all of it. However at a tavern near Kings Landing a man decided to grab at you. You hated it when men did that, so you took your cup of ale and smashed the whole cup into his nose. 

It broke of course, and of course, like a child he wept. If a man had done such to another man no one would have batted an eye. But because it was a gold cloak you “assaulted”, and because you were you, a Mormont. An enemy house, you were arrested and brought to the Lannisters. They thought of killing you but instead decided to make use of you.  

And they did make good use of you. With you there, Bear Island would be swayed away from ever siding with Stannis against them with you in your custody. Not only that but you were trained in healing, and not nearly as hardened looking as the other women of Bear Island. You were made Handmaiden for Margery Tyrell while she was inhabiting the city. 

Margery had done her part in helping you fit in. She showed you how to style your hair, how to pick a dress that suited your figure, how to manipulate the men around you, keeping you out of any more unnecessary trouble. When she dressed you up, no one would be able to tell you could swing a sword just as well as any Kingsgaurd or sellsword could. 

You see Margery had to pretend in front of everyone else, but with you, you weren’t loyal to the Lannisters and she knew this. Besides you two had bonded after many nights drinking wine late at night in her bedchambers. Like two little girls who had stolen their fathers ale. You’d spend the nights talking of your lives and your wishes. 

Margery was the same again and again, to be the queen. And yours was always the same, to live life and experience all you could.

You and she also talked of men. You’d had experience, and so had she. Not many women would admit it but you two were close enough that you felt you could. 

You and she attended many festive celebrations with one another, and to anyone else it would seem you were enjoying your time there. That was good, you did not want to attract any attention. 

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Your station as a handmaiden made it easy to overhear and eavesdrop on many high born conversations. One that caught your attention the most was that Janos Slynt, the commander of the gold cloaks, the man who arrested you, was going to be dismissed from his duty.

You weren’t above pettiness. You wanted to hear him be dismissed with your own ears. You found a small room within the castle. Tyrion was hosting a small dinner with Slynt. This was going to be the dinner where he was going to be dismissed. You pressed your back against the wall beside the door listening in. The majority of the dinner was mindless small talk, until

“Damn it boy!” Slynt said loudly. 

The shout was so loud you couldn’t help but turn and peer into the room, catching a glimpse of the man who arrested you, Lord Tyrion Lannister, and a squire. You saw that the squire had spilt wine all over the hand of Slynt. It made you smile, holding in amusement. 

“My apologies my Lord.” The shorter brown haired squire said. 

“You can pour your own wine.” Tyrion said in defense of the squire.

You looked back to Slynt and saw that you had been seen, Slynt raised a brow at you. 

“You girl! You the Mormont?" Slynt said loudly, 

‘Fuck’ you thought to yourself. Knowing you’d been caught. 

“Indeed, My Lord.” You said, putting on a meek and sweet demeanor.

“Come in here,” Slynt commanded. 

“What are you doing here, My Lady?” Tyrion questioned you gently.

“Looking for my Lady Tyrell, I seem to have lost my way, My Lord.” You said bowing your head. A convincing enough lie.

“I was responsible for your arrest, do you remember that, girl.” His face was confident and irritating.

“I do, Ser.” You said still attempting to keep a sweet and calm demeanor.  

“I thought she was to be punished?” Slynt said to Tyrion.

“She is HandMaiden to Lady Margery Tyrell, and as I am told, a very skilled healer. She has proven to be quite useful.” Lord Tyrion said with a smile looking at you, you smiled back. 

“A girl assaults a member of the gold cloaks and is given a position in your Kingdom?” 

“A decision made by the King. If you wish to disagree with his decision-” 

“Course not.” Slynt interrupted,  “Wine,” he commanded, holding up his empty cup. 

The same squire began to walk towards the man with the pitcher of wine. 

“Not you, boy, the bear girl.” Slynt said looking at you, the irritation boiled inside of you. But you did your best to keep your cool.

You took the pitcher from the squires hands, you looked at him for a moment, his worried expression changed into a smile. It was a smile of total innocence you thought to yourself. 

You took the pitcher and walked your way towards the table, as you began to pour wine into his cup he started to speak again. 

“Tell me girl, are you enjoying the city?” His tone was one of an interrogator.

“Yes, My Lord.” You said pouring, with a cherubic smile. 

“You don’t look like the women of Bear Island.” He said biting his lip, it made you feel ill.

“Indeed, My Lord.” Agree blindly, that’s what Margery taught you anyway

“Women there are beasts,” He said to Tyrion.

“Like you I assume?” Tyrion teased him, it made you smile.

“No, no, like her aunt Maege.” He said and your smile dwindled, but you kept it on. 

You didn’t respond this time, biting your tongue, you felt the anger in you rising but said nothing. You wanted to pour the wine on his balding head, but still, did nothing.

“Tell me is it true, is it true she fucked a bear?” 

“Lord Slyn-” Tyrion began

“What do you wish for me to say, my Lord?” You felt your temper slipping from between your fingertips. Your smile now gone. 

“Do you think I wish for you to lie girl?” Slynt’s tone was harsh,

You stared at him for a moment, your smile snapping back into place. 

“Whatever you’d command, my Lord.”

“Enough.” Tyrion tried to stop it.

“You’d do anything I commanded?” 

“I said enough. Lady Mormont, you may see to your lady.” Tyrion commanded, saving you from whatever was to come next.

You smiled and curtseyed as you walked back to place the pitcher back on the table. With your back turned to the men your face dropped and you made eye contact with the same squire. He looked at you with pity in his eyes. You couldn’t stand it. You spit into the pitcher and smiled at the squire, he tried hard to hold back his amusement, only giving it away with a smirk as he looked down at his feet. 

As you walked out of the room you made sure not to make the same mistake as before. You hid better, committed to hearing this man be removed from his position. And you did, and it was just as satisfying as you thought it would be. Especially when he was escorted by his own gold cloaks out of the tower, kicking and whining like a child.

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During the Battle of Blackwater you attended to many mens wounds. 

It had taken most of the night, you were not concerned with the war that waged outside the castle walls. If they won, nothing changed for you. If they lost, you’d either be set free, or once again, nothing would change. Most likely it would be the latter.

You among a few other ladies attended to wounds and dying men while the Maester did as much as he could for those who were far gone. 

Things had slowed down, beds were nearly full, but then knights rushed in holding Lord Tyrion. His face had been cut deeply. The cut had crossed his entire face. You could tell at first glance that it would scar, but he would live. It would have been extremely painful but thankfully he was unconscious. 

They were all shouting at the Maester. To halt what he was doing and to attend to their lord. As he did a tall man, Bronn, the man who replaced Slynt. Dragged a shorter man with short dark hair towards the Maester.

“Lads hand is cut deep, needs help.” Bronn said

“I can’t attend to every cut and scrape when there's a dying lord in my presence.” The old Maester said, quite dramatically you thought. Tyrion was badly wounded but he would live. “Mormont, girl, you attend to the lad!” He shouted to you.

“Is she any good?” Bronn said, the other shorter man looked at you with what looked like embarrassment, “This lad saved that Lord's life.” You huffed at his comment, it annoyed you how he didn’t ask you but the Maester.

“If I’d a cock they’d call me a Maester.” You said walking closer to him til you were inches apart, it made him take a gasp of air puffing up his chest, and his lips formed a line. “Show me,” You said, much softer this time. He relaxed a bit and as you presented your hand, palm facing him. He placed his hand in yours. “Not so bad,” you said as you examined it. 

“Hear that Podrick, not bad-” Bronn said to the shorter man. 

“Not so bad. It is still bad.” You noticed his expression change to a more worried one. You, for some reason, felt the need to let your cold and hardened attitude slip for a moment. “But you won’t lose it. I’ll clean it, stitch it, and bandage it.” You placed your other hand over his, trying to comfort him. “Sit.” 

He nodded and did so, laying his hand on the table. You began to clean it. Your eyes snapped from his wound to his face as he winced. “Is it true?” he looked at you and his eyes made your stomach feel like there were butterflies in it, so you looked back to his wound as you tended to it, “You saved him? Lord Tyrion?” 

“I- I helped him, My Lady.” He said, stammering. Though you weren’t looking at him you could tell his eyes were on your face.

“You’re quite brave, Ser.” You said as you finished cleaning his wound.

“Thank you, My Lady, but I’m not-” 

“He’s no Ser, that lads a squire.” Bronn interrupted, “I tell you what though Lass, you want a knight I’ll be happy to oblige.” He said stepping closer to you, your eyes returned to your work on the squires hand.

“Men like you amuse me, Ser. They believe they are still young, handsome, and desirable. No matter what they look like.” You said attempting to fain genuine amusement as if he’d told a joke.

As Bronn attempted to begin a retort, you heard a small laugh leave the unconscious Lord’s lips, still not fully conscious.

“See? I am a good healer.” You said as everyone looked at Tyrion's subtle laugh as you continued to work. 

The squire looked back at you with a slight grin, as if he were trying to hide his amusement.

“Much braver for a squire to do such a thing.” You said softly just so he’d hear it. 

He smiled at you in response, He was pretty you thought. Men on Bear Island were fearsome, rigid, and gruff. This one wasn’t, the opposite in fact. He’d had a natural goodness about him, a sweetness. 

That's when you realized he was the same squire from the dinner between Ser Slynt and Lord Tyrion. 

“I know you.” You said with narrow eyes and furrowed brows, finally realizing. 

“Yes, my Lady.” His smile and innocent response made you smile involuntarily, you tried to hide it to no avail. You were flattered that he’d even remembered you. The feeling of flattery didn’t come naturally to you at all either.  

“This part is going to hurt.” You said pulling the curved needle through his flesh, he winced and hissed. Your eyes went towards him, normally you never cared. A man should learn to handle pain, you always thought. But you hated to see him in any discomfort. “Bring him wine.” You called out to Bronn. Your words towards Bronn were no near as gentle and sweet sounding as they were towards Podrick. 

He began to drink it, only sipping a little at first, but you pushed the cup up making him down more. “You’ll want to be numb to this.” You explained. 

As he continued to drink you continued with your work. By the end of it you bandaged his hand, “Finished,” You said standing up, and he followed your actions. 

“I can’t thank you enough, my lady.” He said clearly a little drunk from the wine. 

“Alright,” Bronn said grabbing Podrick by the back of his neck and dragged him out of the chamber. You could hear Bronn outside say “You can fuck the she-bear later.” followed by some distant protesting by Podrick.

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A day had passed since the battle. You were in your chambers with Margery. You’d told her about all the handsome knights you’d seen that night. 

She’d teased you about how lucky you were to have gotten your hands on so many. You had begun to describe the squire you’d met. How strange it was to have met a man so pleasant in such an awful place. 

As the two of you laughed there was a knock at your door. Margery took it upon herself to answer it. 

“Lady Tyrell, apologies for the interruption. I came to thank Lady Mormont.” You heard his voice and knew who it was immediately. 

“Ah! I take it you were a knight she tended to during the battle?” Margery asked him, you wanted to laugh, but held it in.

“A squire, my Lady.” He said, his tone was somewhat sullen. As if he were embarrassed to say it.

“A squire…” Margery said with her signature smile as she turned to look at you, raising her eyebrows, then turning back to him “Well I shall leave you to express your gratitude.” She said as she left.

You stood from your chair and stepped forward.

“Lady Mormont?” He said walking towards you, as he did he pulled out a small but beautiful delicate yellow flower. It had only recently bloomed. 

“A flower?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. On Bear Island people hardly said the word thank you much less showed appreciation through gifts, especially not such sweet ones as this.

“I don’t have much, my lady. But I- I wanted to show my gratitude.” He said with his token innocent wide eyed look. You took the flower and smiled slightly, which made him smile back.

“It was my duty, you don’t need to give me flowers for it.” He looked down, as if he was disappointed in himself. You smelt the flower, to show your hidden appreciation of the gesture. “Show me your hand.” You held your hands out, he hesitated not expecting you to command such a thing, but he did it as you asked. “Hurting at all?” You asked softly examining the cut.

“No, my lady.” His voice was gentle as always.

“It’s healing well.” You said running your finger tip along the length of the stitches, the sensation made him take his hand away, rubbing it against the side of his pants. 

He grunted a little and cleared his throat, “All your doing, my Lady.” 

You looked at him with a smirk, “How long have you been squiring for Lord Tyrion?” 

“For a short time,” 

“Well, you’ll need to learn to pour wine. You spill wine on every Lord in Westeros, sooner or later you’ll spill it on the wrong one.” You said walking towards a table, you grabbed a glass and a pitcher of wine.

“Pour me wine.” You said handing him a pitcher of wine.

You stepped closer towards him, making his swallow hard. But he took the pitcher nonetheless.

“hold the pitcher like this-“ You said moving his hands position with your own, “from the handle, and the bottom” You looked up into his eyes, noticing he was looking right at you “Keep your eyes on the glass.” You said, snapping him out of whatever trance he was in and going back to the task at hand. 

“Like this?” He asked, his voice somewhat more confident.

“Mhmm.” The hum of your voice too close to him made him close his eyes for just a moment. He finished filling your cup, without spilling a drop, “Very good.” As you said it he and you looked at one another, his eyes were wide once again.

“What were you doing there, my lady?” He asked, with a genuine curiosity. “You said you were looking for your Lady, and forgive me for suspecting otherwise-” 

“Eavesdropping.” You interrupted “I had heard they were sending Slynt away, and I wanted to hear it myself.” 

“How did you hear of that?” 

“Again, eavesdropping.” You smirked

“A-and what are you doing here, in Westeros? You were arrested?” 

“It seems you were also eavesdropping.” You teased him.

“Uh well we were in the same room-” You ignored him,

“I left Bear Island to travel, during my travels a Gold cloak tried to force himself on me, so I defended myself.” You said in a matter of fact, you’d no regrets, and no pain towards the matter. However his big brown eyes looked saddened for you, pity, you couldn’t stand pity, “It’s alright, really.” You said trying to reassure him.

“Do you miss your home?” He asked, sweetly.

“I do,” You responded softly, strange how this man was able to gentle your harsh demeanor.

“What was it like?” When he asked it you were thrown off, no one had asked you anything about your home in a genuine way. No one had any interest in it beyond the same constant boring insults.

“Cold. Not just the temperature, the people. But it was beautiful there. Green, rivers, waterfalls.” You smiled softly thinking of it, and found yourself wondering about him, “What of you? You miss your home?” 

“I didn’t have much of one, my Lady.” He lowered his head,

“How’d you get here?” Your eyes narrowed wanting to know more of him. Genuinely. 

“I was the squire for a Ser Lorimer of the Westerlands army. One night he was drunk, and he stole a ham, he shared it with me. We were caught, and he was sentenced to hang for his crime but I was spared for my name.” 

“Lucky boy.” You said with a smirk. One that made his stomach flip. 

“You are different, with the men at the tables. You’re sweet and… simple- but you're not that.” He said, stammering, trying his best not to offend you. 

Your smirk faded, “Men want sweet and simple. Men don’t beat things that are sweet and simple.” 

“You’ve been beaten?” He asked as if it were a horrific discovery. 

“Most girls have.” You said calmly in contrast 

“I-I am sorry, My Lady.” 

“That’s alright. "

“No, it’s not.” 

“No, it’s not.” You smiled softly at him. “You’re a good man, for a southern man. Or just for a man.” 

“Thank you, my lady.” He said with a slight grin. 

“You don’t have to call me that. (Y/N), will do.” 

“(Y/N)” he smiled to himself “(Y/N) Mormont… it is a pretty name.” His grin grew

“You never told me yours.” 

“Ser Bronn told you-“

“But you never told me.” You interrupted. 

“Podrick Payne, my- (Y/N)” He stumbled remembering to call you by your name. 

“Well, goodnight then, my Podrick.” You said teasingly with a smirk. 

Hearing you say those words, “my” followed by his name made a heat rush his face, a visible one. He licked his lips and bowed his head as he responded “Goodnight, (Y/N)” He said as he left you. 

You smelt the flower once more before Margery barged in, 

“A squire?” 

NOTE:  There is a serious drought of Podrick Payne fan fiction series on this app so I had to.  And yes… as always my babygirls, we will be fucking. JUST HOLD ON…  I don’t know dick about Slynt so his dialogue is probably off so i apologize if you love him or smth lmao.  TAG LIST: This is a new series so if you want to be included comment or message me!

[sassygaykuja]

i did not like 'the wise man's fear' rant below

The Wise Man's Fear is a book that teeters dangerously close to being brilliant, which makes it far worse than just being a bad book. It's very good in parts. What those parts are might vary from person to person, but in my experience, I'd consider a solid 60% of the book infuriating.

The first 400 pages of the book is just a rehash of the second half of Name of the Wind. Like it's all just the same shit. It feels like cut content from book 1. Bits are enjoyable, but for the most part it's agonizingly boring. I was begging for something to just HAPPEN.

I almost threw the book when it skipped over two consecutive interesting story beats but god damn if it didn't spend 5 pages retelling a bit from the first book and two arcs fucking around with ambrose for some reason

The middle section of the book starting from the murder attempt mystery to killing the bandits was great. A bit flawed in parts, but overall a fun experience with a fun cast of characters. I particularly like the interludes where the group tells stories. Something that I really liked about the first book was the intercut myths about the chandrian, and this was a nice return to form. It's great up until Felurian shows up.

I don't know about yall, but I really didn't come here to spend 100 pages reading about a teenager fucking a fairy. The book has thus far done a decent job at balancing kvothe as a living legend and a person with strengths and weaknesses. There are a lot of things that he is just not good at, and much of the time when he quickly becomes good at something, it's based in experience he already has. He might be a ridiculous savant, but it's not so unreasonable that it's immersion breaking. Kvothe intentionally plays up his own reputation and his arrogance bites him in the ass multiple times. Part of what's interesting about the bandit hunting arc is that it serves as a measuring stick to show how powerful and arcane he is to an average person, because by the metrics of the setting he's been stuck at for hundreds of pages, he's just a particularly exceptional student and he's regularly contrasted with people who are better than him in various areas, whereas the mercenaries have no frame of reference for what he's able to do with the magic system. All of this to say, I'm here to fight the allegations of Kvothe being a ridiculous mary-sue, up until Felurian shows up.

In the span of a small arc, Kvothe goes from having zero experience with women to being a womanizing sex god, and that's really the point where I decided I couldn't give the book any higher than 3 stars. Most of the skills he had in his arsenal are things that took him years to develop, even if he had an easier start than most. Also, I was very uncomfortable during that entire section because I could not shake that he is sixteen years old being preyed on. And then, when he studies with the Adem for the next good chunk of the book, he has sex with his teacher, who is also an older woman. It's viscerally uncomfortable reading about a teenager being sexually taken advantage of by much older woman and his older self with hindsight treating it like it was a good thing. I'm no prude, and I acknowledge that stories containing uncomfortable material can and should exist, but this is simply not the time or place. Kingkiller Chronicles is a high fantasy tragedy/fairytale about the power of storytelling and grief. It is not a sjm book or some deep commentary about sex. I'd be fine with it if it didn't take up an absurd amount of pagecount.

Circling back, the thing that really irks me is that by the end of the Felurian arc, Kvothe has gone from a character who's gone through steady growth to become a decently powerful dramatic teenager who intentionally bolsters his own reputations because he's afraid of being hurt, to a character who the world orients itself around by nature because he's just so powerful and mysterious. His awkwardness around women was one of his more grounding traits that I was admittedly fond of, and losing it over a few in-universe days also annoyed me for that reason.

The long section spent training with the Adem is so close to being brilliant it's infuriating. So much of the worldbuilding around their culture is fascinating and fun to read about. Tempi is easily one of the best side characters. It all goes downhill when it comes to the fact that it's a matriarchy. That in and of itself is not bad, but there were too many groan-inducing sections that made it all to obvious this was a story written by a man. As mentioned previously, it was decent up until he had sex with vashet, at which point it became gross.

The rest of the book is... fine. It's okay. Not much happens, but he finally has money and reunited with everyone back at the university. It skims through the next few months and ends in a happy place. That in itself is fine.

One of the most irritating things about it is that it feels like nothing happened. He's barely closer to finding the Chandrian or Amyr, and those bits were few and far between. I really have no idea how the story is supposed to resolve itself in one book if this is the pace we're working with. I won't know, because I'm not going to bother.

Keen eyed readers might have also noticed I have thus far completely omitted any commentary about the romantic subplot that also eats at a significant portion of the subplot, and that's because it doesn't matter. I really wanted to like Denna. I really did. But after the brief plot in book 1 where Kvothe and Denna take out a draccus together, denna doesn't get to do anything. If you read one scene with her in it you've read them all in the sequel. She exists to be fawned over, a damsel he wants to save but can't, and the only interesting scene with her in it is a conversation kvothe is not part of. I think she absolutely has the capacity to be a great character, but though so much of the story centers around kvothe being scared of trapping her, he doesn't realize that she already is.

I won't delve into the sexism too much longer but I do just want to put it out there that if the story was unchanged but Kvothe was a girl, everyone would hate her and the story would be despised.

anyway the only kvothe centric romantic liaison i stan is in a dnd campaign im in where he's an npc and has a thousand year tragic codependent i-can-fix-him relationship with my chaotic evil cleric that started as a bit but now it's integral to the plot

the point being, one of my main criticisms of the first book was an absolute refusal to let Denna actually do anything, and the sequel shares the problem tenfold.

anyway, if you absolutely must read the sequel, read from around page 350 to when they kill the bandits. If you really want a taste for the rest, read the last third of name of the wind a few times, then crack open some sjm and imagine that the male character in a given scene is sixteen.

kingkiller chronicles has some absolutely brilliant prose and a lot of fun characters and storylines, but it's bogged down by all the long-winded nonsense thats inbetween the good bits. Just read the first one, in fact, just read the first one up until he gets accepted into the university and imagine for yourself what comes after.

the fairy sex isnt real and it cant hurt me

[behindbrowneyezz]

It's funny how time changes things isnt it? One minute you're super close to everyone around you, you're busy with work, extra activies, extra chores, maybe you try to sleep in an extra few days that month...then before you know so many things have changed. I feel bad that tomorrow is Indys birthday tomorrow and no one is really trying to hang out. I just feel like over the last year shes done nothing but expect us all to do what SHE wants...now everyone's tired and dont want to go and spend a ton of money on a night out when we can be at home doing the same for not even half the price. I love her, but life is hard as it is. WHY can't she be a better friend to us all? I'll never get it. Weve all been so nice to her as well and i think she just MUST have control, but the thing is we all just want to be able to be ourselves. I feel bad, i feel like Sarah is always going to break down and do what she wants...even Fernando. Im pretty sure that's why she gets upset with me, because the second i feel like youre trying to be in control of me..or make me feel less then, i just wont come around. Its actually that simple for me. I have such a hard time being around most women that are older then me. I also feel like mr. dub is literally constantly lying to me. I cant stand it. Ive never met someone so exhausting to be around besides my own blood relatives. i suppose that's used to draw me to him. I used to love how much he reminds me of my father. ..now all it does is stress me out. Its a drag actually. Looking back im not even sure why i clinged on so tight, besides the fact that he truly reminds me of my dad. the devil. I hope one day i can forgive them both for all the pain they have caused me over the years. It's even more exhausting to constantly relive through all that pain. I think my dad used to be one hell of a man. He was full of courage, love, and excitement. He hated people but he would give the shirt off his back if he felt like he should. Sometimes i wonder what really happened in his head in 2010...what made him so unhappy all of a sudden...was it really his marriage to Angela? Was it money? Did he really hate all of us at home all the time? or did he hate the fact that we weren't home enough? I wish he wouldn't of shoved me away so much. Some days its hard to love myself because i wonder why he raised me to be someone he was going to hate for the rest of his life. Its funny too, considering he never can go a week without talking his mommy. Yet, he expects his own children to be able to live a life without him, any guidance, etc. I wish i didn't hate him, I wish i could just forget about him completely. Anyway, more on that later...

Also, why the fuck are men so God damn gross?! AND fucking just pathetic most days. I truly dont get it. NO one wants to see you little dick, no one wants to hear about your stupid fantasies, no one gives a fuck about what you look like without a shirt and pants on. I mean good grief....The amount of guys that grossly still hit me up from high school...talking about 'wow i would love to see you, ya know i had a big crush on you back then' like yea yea yea sure sure sure...baby go get off somewhere else and leave me alone. I find it sad. Maybe guys really do have that hard of a time to find someone that they can sleep with on the regular...but truthfully they shouldnt be hitting people up from 10 years ago because they are horny. Its disgusting and sad. SO SO sad. Yall need Jesus. Well thats all for now, im going to go shower and maybe cut my babies hair. <3

you're loved, you dont need your dad or any other man for that matter to tell you otherwise. IM sorry people have always let you down, maybe one day when youre gone, they will actually miss you. stay strong, keep smiling, and for the love of God, finish the lost boy tonight.

XO, Ashh

[survivor76612651041]

Looking to add mn base artist to.this play list?

As of now no one is good enough!!! Lol

I'm so serious your all put your league but I'm here and looking to get it cracking?

Not easy to get and assist fr.em why?

Bec7se im.the ghost in the machine literally

High flying actually? Now who's gonna bring me mspme money back ?

Or yall gonna go the bitch route instead?

Waiting,

When the student is ready a teacher will appear?.

Mn Hip hop.

First of all.i want to criticize all.yall.for being wild corny and not true to the ism!!

Yes !! Yall aint really woth the funky in real life !!

Maybe I'll make the first trscknabout all the shit yall are doing wrong and why you actually lame and not balck enough about the rap game !!

Watered down ass niggas you lack? Passion on the topic one life to live yall just weak spirited !!

Ima spend ost my te.capping this a damn shame

Knwo yall would drop thr ball !!

Things I know about black wpeope up here !

The spirit it weak !! It just is !!

I'm tryna help but yall done gone wicks. Drui , pagan or some.other shit now?

Yall.gay as fukc. Too!!

Cap !! Yes !! I cap on gay people get over it !!

[dabidagoose]

YES AMNESTY FOR AELWYN!!!!

[written-beyond-the-grave]

The Ratussy

My oh my, I must say Lin-Manuel Miranda definitely put his badussy into Encanto because the music, the lyrical genius, the plot, the storytelling, intergenerational trauma, the way you could see the arm hairs of the characters when the light HIT, how cute antonie was, and the fact they finally talked about Bruno…..

Y’all can guess where this about to go. Back at it again, but this time in another country we have the man who took our hearts: A dusty 50 year old rat man with crippling anxiety, probably bad postuer, a 5’5” stature AT LEAST, looks like he hasn’t slept in years, and is superstitious as fuck…. Bruno Madrigal

I already feel like I’m about to violate some of y’all fantasies bc…. YALL ARE GOING WAY TOO EASY ON A MAN THAT LEFT FOR 10 YEARS WTF. Like, I seen the scenarios where him and his s/o were married and he just dipped…. No word… then he pops back up and then all is forgiven with a simple hi? Like only two good ones I seen was headcanons where he came but but had to prove it and work for it that he was serious and was sorry, then another story where the reader goes on about how he just left and didn’t say shit. They gave it to him, left no crumbs (if you’re the creator reading this, please make a part 2… but I’m not one to be saying shit since I never have part 2’s so….. yikes)

Like before I even think about giving y’all the goods, Imma need some Bruno angst/comfort of accountability if y’all going that route. A tale of a slow rekindle if you will, because I’ll be damned if my s/o pulled the same shit (I understand with the bad luck and all, but he was ina town of dumbass that thought he was making shit happen. My mans predicts shit, if anything y’all already knew ya pops was finna kick it and wanted to hear something different then got mad when it wasn’t. Play with ya mama and not Bruno then, damn.)

Starting off, I think that Bruno is indeed a sweet baby who is somewhat startled easily especially by peoples kindness bc mans was in a wall without seeing people after being doxxed but the whole town. But hear me out… I feel like he’s a sarcastic shit when he’s comfortable. Yes he is playful, weet, considerate, nice, goofy, and socially awkward, but I can see the sarcasm. Give it time, and it’ll show for sure like he has comebacks and will roast you

On top of that I feel like he has multiple characters besides hernando and Jorge that help him with his high strung emotions. One for his anxiety, kind of like delegating what persona he needs for what event/circumstance. He’s a good actor so I wouldn’t be surprised if he has some up his sleeve. Maybe someone for cooking, one for being sneaky af and doing that parkour shit we all saw him do

That being said, I feel like he’s fit but on the skinny side with a gut. And somewhat harry. However, mans does have 50 horsepower behind those legs, good god. If anything on him were to be solid it would be his legs and maybe his quick thinking to maneuver a room and get to the other side. He would never lose a game of “the floor is lava”

Also I feel like Bruno, while soft, is also a firm guy. Like, he’s not too much of a pushover depending on the circumstances. He can probably take people yelling at him with no emotion on his face besides melancholy, but come for his rats…. Nah. It’s over. Even worse if you did come for his s/o, he may not be confrontational, but he will send his rats or I feel him and Camillo might just tag team and have Antonio in the back with his tiger

Honorable mention, Antonio was such a cutie OMG

But Bruno coming back to his s/o 10 years later is a fucking mess and there are a few ways things can go, but they are pretty similar.

He comes back and after the family reunion he comes to find you and tries to stay he’s sorry with a hopeful gleam that you haven’t moved on (and for the sake of this lets say you’ve kept him in the back of you mind and continues to live, but never got remarried or anything). And before he can even tell you the whole story you slam the door in his face, but then open it back up for s split second as he’s in a daze and give him the business.

“Sorry? SORRY?!? YOU WERE GONE FOR 10 YEARS AND DIDN’T EVEN SAY A WORD, BUT YOU WERE HERE THE WHOLE TIME??? YOU JUST FUCKING LEFT ME, AND DECIDED TO COME BACK AND DO WHAT?”

Like he’s just quiet as hell and gets smaller and smaller the more you call him out on his name (rightfully so). He knows what he did wasn’t right, but he did it to stop all the bad rep his family would’ve gotten and to stop people from blaming him. He’s a grown man and everything, but damn

And on top of that we both know that he’d try until the ends of the earth probably to get some form of forgiveness, or maybe even the s/o back. He feels downright awful, but he wants to try to make it up to you. But he also knows that you need your space to think and reel in that he is finally back (never left) and 10 years went by when y’all could’ve been together but nah. He probably heads back to casita and ponders and digs himself into a mental hole that he isn’t shit and doesn’t deserve you. And it sucks because he missed you like hell down in the walls. He told his rats about you and even kept a photo of you two right next to his favorite chair. He even regular keeps up with a novella that he made based off of the life he always wanted to live with you to pass the time, but it was never as good as what it really could’ve been

When he gets home everyone can already tell what happened (Dolores gave them the play by play, and honestly no one was surprised. Alma probably didn’t reach out to you much after his disappearance and everyone refused to speak about him as well for so long. You were the only one to speak to Mirabel about him.)

Another honorable mention, that candle would’ve seen its last days with me if Alma kept her shit up. Disrespectfully. (sorry casita, you was sturdy too)

He probably says a defeated “hi” to everyone and goes up to his room where I think Mirabel once again comes up with Antonio to talk to him. Probably telling him how you spoke of him like you were still in love with him, but the fact that he wasn’t really dead or anything and was just in the walls hurts. Like you had no importance in his life to be doing all that in the first place.

That pep talk sparks the motivation and slow rekindling story of rebuilding the trust/relationship between both of you. A good ass slow burn story… damn do I do the lords work with these written works

He’d probably start 2 weeks after with visiting, leaving letters if you even bother to read them. And probably catching you at work when there aren’t many around and speaking to you because he knows you’ll hear him and choose not to respond and put his heart out there.

NOW if he came back but didn’t come visit/see you to set things straight and its been like a week…. LMFAOOOOO THAT WOULD MAKE AND EVEN MORE ANGSTY SLOW BURN WTF

Same thing from what I already wrote, but this time maybe we’d be dealing with more inner child work with being abandoned. It would be soooo painfully slow to get to a point where you two talk face to face since you wouldn’t want shit to do with him. If he didn’t love you, or felt the same then just say that. And that would put on the long haul to truly trying to move on, but you can’t lie and say that your feelings are dead. Something is there, but it’s clouded by anger that you have every right to express but it keeps burning. And on top of that it keeps replaying in your head, it’s your perception that you’re not enough/wasn’t enough on the subconscious level.

It would be such a mind twister because once having the face to face talk and for the moment being putting the anger to the side and being completely honest I feel like Bruno would have his heart break more. Then it would be yet another long marker story of him building up to make it up to you if you allow it, and the act of building basic trust and friendship.

And while that’s happening it’s also going to be Bruno learning to have more of a backbone, getting healthy again bc mans wasn’t eating, and being upfront with his own feelings without running from them. And getting to know his family and what he missed while being in the walls, how his sisters were. And not to mention the whole family talk of where things went wrong and him being there for every family dinner (bruh that scene had my soul). And also probably never missing a birthday, and maybe even seeing some of them asleep if they fell asleep outside their room and casita didn’t carry them in. His rats needed food so he snuck out for a second to get them some things (how Camillo caught him, and then fainted from shock thus the “fades to black” part of his song).

But anyhow, Bruno coming back 10 years later to a s/o would be a cluster fuck and so many complex feelings needing to be dealt with on both sides.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!

[shijiujun]

[END 2020] My Top 9 Danmei Novel Picks of the Year

As a part of my Round Up post for the year, here’s my pick of favourite danmei novels, that I’ve read! This is sort of an accompaniment to my previous danmei rec list over HERE, so there may be one or two overlaps, but I’ve read WAY MORE after that and am prepared to like give more options here 

Note: There should be English translations for all via novel updates if you do a search of the English name, but I don’t think most of them are completed.

If you wanna see my full reading and queue list (it’s all in Chinese tho, for my own records), it’s here.

I’m leaving out the usual MXTX and Priest ones, because they’re already good and we all know that and there’re many carrds and posts dedicated to them.

I am also a sucker for fainting but smart men, and not too overly angsty/complicated storylines, just putting it out there first, which is why I haven’t read a lot of some of the ones on my queue list.

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1. 一剑霜寒 | A Sword of Frost by 语笑阑珊

Summary: Jing Yan Ran is the Emperor’s brother and wields military power in the novel, and it starts with an object being stolen from the palace. Jing Yan Ran has to retrieve the item secretly, and so enlists the help of Feng Yu Sect’s Sect Master, Yun Yi Feng, who heads the martial arts world’s one and only information trading post. Yun Yi Feng does not deal in business that involves any royalty, but Jing Yan Ran offers him something he cannot refuse - the Blood Red Lingzhi, a rare and mystical herb that is rumoured to be able to treat his life-threatening condition. 

Yun Yi Feng was used by his shifu when he was younger to test out all kinds of poisons and cures, and since then, his body flushes dangerously hot and cold frequently, with bouts of severe coughing fits in between. Throughout the first mission where he spends time with Jing Yan Ran searching for the stolen object, he allows Jing Yan Ran to take care of him, and they fall in LURVE pretty much like 10 chapters in.

Of course, they have to uncover a plot and conspiracy against their enemies who are plotting to dethrone the Emperor, and also reveal the secrets of Yun Yi Feng’s birth.

My Thoughts: AN ABSOLUTE FAVE AND GEM, I’d say this is my favourite danmei novel ever. This is both hilarious and tears-inducing, to be honest, because for most of the novel YYF knows he doesn’t have long to live and so in the beginning he knows of his own feelings for JYR and JYR also shows him that he loves him, but he is unable to officially reciprocate because he knows his body is like weakening day by day. Halfway through the fear that he’s literally about to die as they are JUST about to find the cure is real, and damn I cried so much at that. Some highlights:

YYF falls asleep very easily in baths and everywhere actually, and pretty much within the first 10 chapters he gets used to JYR carrying him around (even naked from the bath, he’s like oh well, okay cool) and taking care of him, and JYR ALWAYS makes sure he is warm and toasty under his cape

YYF LOVESSSS RICHES, PLAYING THE ZITHER AND COOKING - He’s good at gathering the first one, but he FUCKING SUCKS AS THE LAST TWO - It’s so funny because he’s so beautiful and handsome right, and when he sits down at the zither everyone is like OH DAMN WHAT A DREAM- and then he plays, and everyone’s fantasies is shattered, he’s ABYSMAL at it, and the same goes for cooking

JYR doesn’t actually have the Blood Red Lingzhi, and throughout the first arc, he feels SO DAMN GUILTY because YYF even carved out a pendant that looks like what he thinks the herb looks like, and like carries it with him everywhere LMAO

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Bilibili

2. 高能二维码 | High Energy QR Code by 青色羽翼

Summary: CEO Xing Ye’s brother Xing Shuo has just passed away at the age of 24, and nothing will make him believe that Xing Shuo died of natural causes despite autopsies and experts telling him that he really died simply of a heart failure. Xing Ye, who has impeccable memory, suddenly recalls the last time he saw Xing Shuo. His brother called out to him just before Xing Ye left for a business trip, and looked as if he had something to say, but ended up just wishing him a safe trip.

At that moment, there was a QR code on Xing Shuo’s phone, and the phone screen was strangely turned out towards Xing Ye, and Xing Ye, with his incredibly high IQ and memory, realizes that Xing Shuo wanted him to see the QR code. Quickly, he reproduces the QR code by pen and then scans it, and finds himself in a game world.

There he meets a narcissistic but also cute mirror which can speak, and finds out later that his name is Lu Ming Ze. Xing Ye’s mission is to clear the game missions in each round that is set by the black and white cubic game system, a system that continuously tempts its players into giving in to committing sins such as killing someone else, stealing and other things. He soon realizes that if he cannot stay on a path clear of these sins, he will never be able to triumph over the game system and return Lu Ming Ze back to his body in the real world. 

At the same time, he gains new teammates and friends for life, and also finds out what role his brother played in this game. 

My Thoughts: MY GOD I LOVE THIS. I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED READING THIS YESTERDAY, and honestly it’s one of my faves. I don’t like game systems very often (I’ve read three others so far, and this, and KOD are the only ones I’ve liked) but this one is *chef’s kiss*. So LMZ was born like with a really handsome face, like SUPER HANDSOME, and that’s why he’s like a harmless narcissist that cannot bear to look at ugly things LMAO, but he’s not spoilt, he makes sure that Xing Ye stays true to himself, and help him keep his head clear. 

THE ONLY THING ABOUT THIS FRICKIN NOVEL IS THAT LU MING ZE STAYS A MIRROR, LIKE DIFFERENT KINDS OF MIRRORS, in the first TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY CHAPTERS. I KID YOU NOT. I FRICKIN KID YOU NOT. I swear I was sooo touched starved at the end of the novel, because they couldn’t even kiss?!! Like Xing Ye kisses the mirror, and then uses his thumbs to like hi-five mini LMZ in the mirror back, they can’t even hug. Do you know how empty my arms felt when I read this book?!! And my arms have never been filled!!!!!!

I really like this one because each game world is set up in such a brilliant way, but it’s not so unnecessarily complex that you literally don’t know what the fuck is going on. Xing Ye’s intelligence as he outmanoeuvres every single one of his enemies and convinces his would-be loyal teammates to trust him is so satisfying, world after world, victory after victory.

Humour is also absolutely ON POINT. A lot of it is centred on Xing Ye getting caught in the real world kissing his handheld mirror (LMZ) by LMZ’s parents (who cannot see him in the mirror) and LMZ’s parents going like ???!!!!!!!! 

Available: Novel Online | Physical Novel is coming out on 10 Dec (freebies are, you guessed it, a mirror)

3. 妻为上 | The Wife is First by 绿野千鹤

Summary: This is set in a historical setting where men can marry other men, but it’s usually reserved for sons who were not borne by the official main first wife of the patriarch of the family, i.e. a son born by a concubine in a family may be forced to marry a man to keep him from being able to become the next family’s patriarch for example. This is because any family’s next leader needs to be able to have children with a wife who married in as a zheng shi (lawful wife), and not a ce shi (second wife) or any other concubines/mistresses etc. Most of these men who marry other men have to take them as their zheng shi and lawful spouse in a sense, and the same goes for the royal family.

The story starts with third prince Jing Shao, who was forced to marry Mu Han Zhang, a Marquis’ second son, by the Empress and Emperor, thereby officially and effectively cutting him out of the race for the throne. He’s mocked by the public as everyone knows what this means, and for the next 10 years, he neglects Mu Han Zhang, blaming him for his predicament, and deliberately showers his three other concubines with affection in front of him, but 10 years later, when Jing Shao is accused of treason, everyone leaves him except for Mu Han Zhang. They are chased to the edge of the cliff by soldiers, and Mu Han Zhang dies in his arms having taken an arrow meant for him earlier, and Jing Shao jumps off the cliff with his dead body, and promises that if there’s a next life, he will do everything Han Zhang says, and love him.

He wakes up immediately on the night of his marriage with Han Zhang, and realizes that he’s been given a second chance to make everything right. Han Zhang is definitely afraid of him, humiliated and angry when he first wakes up after how rough Jing Shao was with him earlier on their wedding night, and he has no memories of their past life. Jing Shao then sets to SHOWER HAN ZHANG with affection, love and basically everything, because he realized that this is the only person who stayed by his side until the end, and then he falls in love with Han Zhang properly this time, and also deals with every single person who maligned and schemed against him in his previous life, with Han Zhang by his side.

My Thoughts: OKAY BEFORE YALL GO INTO THE ‘WIFE’ terminology discourse and everything, in this case they do use the term ‘wife’ literally, and it’s a position, that while men frequently fall into (there are a lot of male ‘wives’ in this story), is also used to cut off like sons from inheriting the family and the fortune, and even titles. Male ‘wives’ aren’t looked down upon in this setting, in fact, Han Zhang gets a lot of leeway as one, and in his case he was also able to rise up the ranks to be an actual official later on, but the sad thing comes from sons who are most of the time forced to marry a male ‘wife’ for whatever reason, and then they are neglected as the son goes and find concubines, women he actually wants to sleep with - this is sad af yall. I don’t know, on one hand, yay for equality in marriage in this setting, but on the other hand like, damn, must you use same-sex marriage like that argh.

ANYWAY THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES TOO?!!! I mean, especially when Jing Shao literally just goes into doting mode 200% and Han Zhang is totally like wtf why is he so nice to me is he scheming or something? And then he realizes that Jing Shao is really, really gentle towards him despite his reputation as a cruel, dark military commander, and Jing Shao always smiles at him. In any situation, especially in the beginning, when Han Zhang thought Jing Shao would not stand with him, Jing Shao literally just protects him no matter what, gives him everything, and cries, I love it. 

Especially because Han Zhang is the son of a concubine and he was bullied a lot in the Mu family, and the official Lady Mu married him off to Jing Shao in hopes that he would be unhappy for the rest of his life, and I suppose that came true in the first life, but in the second, Han Zhang gets all the love, respect and support he never got before in this family with Jing Shao and that makes me WEEP.

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Kuaikan

4. 死亡万花筒 Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪

OOOH I intro-ed KOD here in my previous rec list. Still one of my faves and all-time re-reads, especially under the covers in the dark hehehe.

5. 你的距离 | Your Distance by 公子优 

Summary: Ting Shuang is a student at a German university, and has this handsome professor Bai Chang Yi who he swears kind of hates him. He’s just broken up with his longtime boyfriend, and then goes on this dating app that matches a profile with him based on distance. The app can also show the matched profile’s distance from him once they enter the same area, and Ting Shuang starts chatting with this Chinese guy on the app, who he finds out later, is 36 years old, 187cm in height and wears glasses. 

The guy is a little aloof and cool, very mature in his replies on the app, and somehow Bai Chang Yi finds out who he is later, as Ting Shuang starts complaining to him about his professor to Bai Chang Yi. Instead of getting angry and offended, BCY is pretty much amused and finds Ting Shuang cute. A few days later Ting Shuang finally realizes who it is he’s been texting, and after getting past the initial embarrassment and fear, they start dating for real, and they really fall in love!!!!! 

My Thoughts: This is sweet and also hilarious af, if you need to like satisfy your sweet tooth, this is definitely one for you. It’s really funny because Bai Chang Yi runs in the same circles as Ting Shuang’s dad, who he’s estranged from because the dad doesn’t want to recognize a son who is gay, and then BCY convinces him later in the funniest of ways, and there’s a small subplot at the end in which Ting Shuang is pretty cool, and yep, short and sweet! BCY in the manhua is handsome af too guys ;-;

Available: Novel Online, Audio Drama on Maoer FM and Manhua on Bilibili, 

6. 神木挠不尽 The White Cat’s Divine Scratching Post by 绿野千鹤

Summary: Mo Tian Liao, a weapons forger and master who ruled the Demon Tribe, was hunted down and killed by other righteous sects in the region when he managed to forge an incredibly destructive weapon that could end the world. Before he died, he placed the only thing he loved, a white cat, into a hole in the tree behind him to protect it. The only thing he was grateful for was that he did not create a blood pact with the cat, Xiao Mao, because if he had done so, when he died, Xiao Mao would have died along with him as well.

Right before he dies, unbeknownst to him, Xiao Mao who is no simple demonic cat, wraps part of his consciousness around Mo Tian Liao, and MTL’s spirit ends up floating about for 300 years, until he finds a suitable time to return with a body made out of a special tree and its wood. The first thing he does, of course, is to find his white cat, but he’s poor, and the body he has isn’t powerful, so he joins Wo Yun Sect, the only sect that did not hunt him down that day hundreds of years ago.

There, he is chosen by Qing Tong shizun to be his direct disciple, much to the astonishment of other shizuns in the sect, and Qing Tong’s shixiongs. MTL has never seen a person as beautiful and gorgeous as his shizun, and if only he could find that cat (who’s actually his shizun, who recognizes him and protects him, even if MTL doesn’t actually need much protection).

My Thoughts: This was hilarious as well, and so romantic?!!! Qing Tong/Xiao Mao waited for MTL to come back, and the moment he came back, Qing Tong was there ready to grab him, and then before he went to sleep that night, Qing Tong thought to himself, “I’ve gotten my person back, I can sleep well now” and AHHHHH at this point they weren’t even like a couple yet? MTL ‘kidnapped’ Qing Tong when he was a young demon cat by accident because he likes pretty things (like his shizun lmao) and Qing Tong is attached to him because MTL never forced a blood pact on him, and gave him everything he wanted as a younger cat before MTL died. Gosh, a mirror in #2 and then a cat now with this one. XD

Available: Novel Online

7. 破云 | Breaking the Clouds by 淮上

Summary: Three years ago, Captain Jiang Ting and his team of the Narcotics division perished in an explosion due to a wrong call of his, and he returns three years later under a new identity ready to deal with the people who set him and his team up. He’s caught in what seems to be a simple murder case almost immediately and meets Yan Xie, who’s Vice Captain and in charge of this case. Yan Xie realizes who Jiang Ting is shortly after, and begins to unravel the huge mystery surrounding the events of three years ago, and falls in love with Jiang Ting along the way as well.

My Thoughts: Okay out of the FOUR crime/detective/thriller danmei novels I’ve read, the poyun and tunhai (below) series is the one that MIRRORS actual narcotics division and undercovers the best. It has the complexity and depth of the drugs/narcotics world, and both this one and its sequel focuses a lot on the position of an undercover and mole. I liked this one a lot because there are SOOOO many twists especially in the last arc, like you honestly won’t see any of them coming until it hits you? And Yan Xie is such a confident, rich-ass narcissist, and he keeps asking Jiang Ting if he can “just touch” him ONCE lmao, he’s thick-skinned af, but that’s why he and Jiang Ting are so compatible ;-;.

Available: Novel Online, Novel Print, Audio Drama and Manhua on Bilibili

8. 吞海 | Swallowing the Sea by 淮上

Summary: Sequel to Po Yun. Yu Wu is a young-looking new detective under Captain Bu Chong Hua’s narcotics team. Bu Chong Hua is Yan Xie’s cousin by actual relation, but brother in relationship because BCH’s parents died early and Yan Xie’s parents have been taking care of him mostly. He cannot stand Yu Wu, who seems to want to coast through at work and keep to a 9-5 work schedule. 

It’s only after an altercation and Yu Wu dumping his nonchalant facade to snarl at BCH that he realizes that YW is actually more interesting and mysterious than he thought, and he begins to try to get close to him, understand him. It turns out that Yu Wu is a famous undercover who nearly died a year ago during an operation, and due to various reasons, he was assigned to BCH’s team by higher ups so he can peacefully live the rest of his life out there. However, his past catches up with him quickly, and his enemies turning up forces him to rely on BCH. 

With BCH, Yu Wu’s resentment of having to be an undercover in the past and being so easily discarded by his team’s leaders, and of him being forced to be in the shadows while others can announce their achievements to the world, is slowly erased, because BCH sees him, knows him, and understands him more than anyone else.

My Thoughts: I actually liked this one better than the first one - Yu Wu is such a pouty, angry little thing?! And for good reason (there’s a bit of cannibalism in the book, not by choice when he was younger and in a poor village in Cambodia, where some militants forced survivors in the village to eat the meat of boiled corpses of other villagers, so YW is a vegetarian, like if he eats meat he gets really sick) and the twists here are even more amazing?! BCH really, really, devotes himself to YW the moment he realizes how much he likes him, doing a 180 degree turn. Instead of Yan Xie’s flamboyance, BCH is much steadier, grouchy, like an old uncle, but also looks at things even more clearly than Yan Xie does sometimes. Yu Wu is understandably bitter about what he had to go through, and BCH is the ONLY person who can calm him down, whom he listens to, which I LOVE. Some highlights:

Yu Wu grew up in a poor village and thus loves money, and he fights in underground betting rings to earn more money - The stash of hidden money he collects I think is half for his escape money, but if he happens to never need it, his dream is to donate the money to his village so they can open up a school there - ANYWAY because Yan Xie’s parents, and technically BCH’s ‘parents’ are soooooo rich right, Yan Xie’s mom shows her approval to her son-in-laws (Jiang Ting first, then Yu Wu), by giving them winter pants. It’s kind of like inside warmers, and usually meant for older ladies to wear LOLOL so Yu Wu was like staring at the pants when he finally got them and looked soooo reluctant until Jiang Ting told him it costs $6,000 AND HE WAS LIKE :333333 okie

He acts a lot like a kid?!! He likes eating like some snack but it’s really unhealthy for him, and BCH the mother hen keeps catching him in weird places like the toilet, where he’s hiding from BCH so he can eat his fave snack?! And the whole police station knows not to give YW what he wants in terms of snacks and smokes because once BCH finds out, he makes life very difficult for them HAHAHAHA

9. 穿成反派如何活命 | How to Survive as A Villain by 伊依以翼

Summary: Rich and handsome CEO Xiao Yu An finds out he has a terminal illness (cancer), and dies while he’s reading this online novel, where a king mistreats the crown prince from a neighbouring state which sent him over as hostage after losing a war, and ends up being killed by the crown prince years later (SVSSS much?!). He wakes up AS THE KING, and afraid of dying, he immediately goes about befriending the prince, Yan He Qing. Yan He Qing falls in love with Xiao Yu An while being his friend/hostage/bodyguard, and Xiao Yu An tries to avoid all the deaths he read in the book, while making sure Yan He Qing manages to find his three/four wives, including Xiao Yu An’s sister.

Of course, because Xiao Yu An showed him warmth and kindness, Yan He Qing ends up falling for him instead, and Xiao Yu An is an absolute oblivious idiot because he REALLY doesn’t realize until much later. Yan He Qing ends up declaring war on Xiao Yu An’s kingdom because he is duty bound to do so, but doesn’t hurt Xiao Yu An, wanting to keep him by his side, but YHQ’s scheming uncle drives a wedge between them, and XYA leaves, breaking YHQ’s heart.

They meet again a few years later, where XYA is training to be a physician in a small village and chances upon a severely injured YHQ. There, he realizes that it was all a misunderstanding, and that YHQ actually LIKES, LIKES him, but before they can enjoy this short period of happiness, disaster strikes again.

My Thoughts: THIS WAS really enjoyable, and with the manhua visuals, it is *chef’s kiss*. I think this transmigration version actually delved into the part where XYA is unable to change everything, and if he saves one person, someone else is destined to die, and that moral dilemma devastates him a lot. In this novel he actually transmigrates TWICE, once into the king’s body, and the second time into a neighbouring state’s prince/king’s body, who looks exactly like his modern self after. YHQ is real sweet to him istg, and I like that the epilogues are SUPER EXTENSIVE, including an arc where YHQ and XYA transmigrate back to the real world and everyone who died is alive and close to them, and gets their happy ending ;-;

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Bilibili

[lesbobiwan]

bounty (boba fett x reader)

rating: explicit

pairing: boba fett x female reader

summary: you come to boba to make one of your fantasies a reality. he has a few conditions first.

warnings: predator/prey kink, pretending to be a bounty, probably unsafe sex bc yall fuck in a forest but we dont need to talk about it, light choking, name calling, everything is safe sane and consensual, breeding kink

You’re breathing too loud in the quiet of the forest. You know that your pants echo through the woods and that you’re being too careless as you run, but you couldn’t care less. 

The only thought going through your mind is to run. You know there’s a small village up ahead. If you can just break through the edge of the forest, you can find somewhere to lay low. Maybe a shopping center? 

A twig snaps behind you.

You curse, still too loud for the peace and quiet of the forest. He’s toying with you now.

The great Boba Fett would never be stupid as to step on a twig. He’s close, and he wants you to know it. Was he ever far, or was he just letting you tire yourself out in a futile attempt to get away from him?

And tire yourself out you have. Your thighs ache and your lungs burn. You’ve never ran this much before in your life. Adrenaline pumps through your body, but you’ve always been a realist at heart. 

You can’t last much longer.

Another snapping of foliage. 

You can hear his footsteps now. Fear, despite your best efforts, shoots down your spine. 

Stars, why are you doing this? All you wanted was to get fucked, maybe put into binders and act like he had a puck on you.

Oh, right.

“If you want to get fucked like a bounty,” Boba had told you just before he sent you running, “You’re going to run like a bounty. Now go.”

“You done running, girl?” His voice booms through the trees, sounding entirely unaffected as though he wasn’t running through the forest after you. “Or am I going to have to mess up your pretty face to bring you in?”

Arousal simmers low in your gut. Stars, he’s really getting into this thing, isn’t he?

“Fuck you!” You spit over your shoulder, picking up the pace in hopes to drag out the chase a little longer.

You’re not ashamed to admit that the idea of being hunted has you soaking through your panties.

Boba chuckles, sounding much too close for comfort, “Don’t give me any ideas.”

Shit. 

A gloved hand closes around your bicep and jerks your body to a stop.

A yelp escapes you before you can stop it. 

A second hand clasps over your mouth.

“Don’t scream,” he whispers in your ear, voice distorted through the helmet, “If I let you go, will you cooperate?”

“Fuck you!” Your voice is muffled from the meat of his palm. “Let me go!”

His amused demeanor vanishes. Boba wedges foot behind the backs of your knees and sends you sprawling to the ground with a shove.

It’s not rough, but it’s definitely enough to have you dazed. You barely have time to blink before he’s on you again. 

He flips you onto your stomach with a show of strength that has you fighting back a moan and straddles the backs of your thighs to keep you in place.

“What the fuck are you —”

“Quiet,” Boba hisses, strong hands grabbing you by the wrists to pull them together at the small of your back. The binders that snap around your wrists are cold, but not the reason for the goosebumps that spread across your skin.

You hope he doesn’t realize the way you rub your thighs together.

“You’ve got a smart mouth,” Boba pants into your ear. His cock is hard against your ass. “’S that what got you in this situation, huh?” 

You almost scoff. He knows that its your mouth that got you in this situation.

“You mouth off to the wrong person and get a bounty put on you?” He continues, subtly grinding his erection into your ass. 

You can’t help it. A moan escapes you and you push back against him.

“Oh,” Boba sounds amused, damn him, “Is that what you do? Fuck the sorry son of a bitch that tries to take you in?” He presses his hips harder against you.

“Please!” You gasp, trying to cant your hips back to feel more of him, “I’ll do anything!”

He laughs cruelly and pulls you to your feet quick enough to have your vision swimming. “Anything?” He mocks, pulling your back tight against his chest as his free hand creeps up to wrap around your neck.

Another moan rips from your throat. “Yes! Anything!” You roll your hips back against the cock pressing into the small of your back, “Anything! Please, just let me go,”

Boba hums. His thumb strokes across your carotid artery as he contemplates your offer.

It’s quiet in the forest besides your ragged breathing. You’d almost think he’s forgotten about you if it wasn’t for the subtle grind of his hips against you.

It’s stifling. It’s degrading and objectifying but so fucking hot.

“Boba,” You try again, but he cuts you off with a quick jerk of your body.

He hauls you over a fallen tree like you way nothing. You’re completely folded over the tree, your ass being propped up in the air while your chest and shoulders dangle.

Your moan is so loud that the nearest birds fly away.

A heavy hand smacks against your right asscheek. 

“Fuck!” You gasp, your hips jerking — whether to escape the spank or to search for a new one, you don’t know.

“Is that how you’ve lasted this long?” He demands, landing another spank on your left cheek. “You promise to fuck whoever it is that catches you in exchange for your freedom?”

He presses his weight against you and all hopes of escaping, if you even wanted to anymore, vanish without a trace.

“You gonna take my cock, girl?” His hands drift to the waistband of your pants before he yanks them and your panties down hard enough to pop some of the seams. “You gonna be my good little whore?”

“Yes!” You sob, writhing against the tree that props your hips up. Your feet can’t find purchase against the soil, slipping and sliding no matter how you try to shift your position. “I will!”

“You will what?” Boba presses, tracing his leather covered fingers over your cunt. “Stars, you’re soaking, girl,” he murmurs, spreading your juices across his fingertips. 

“I’ll be your good whore,” You repeat, cheeks flushing a red to match the accents on his armor. 

His pleased hum sends another flood of wetness to your core. One of his hands reach around to pinch your clit between two finger while the other goes to unbuckle his pants. 

You gasp and jerk against his fingers. “Please!” You gasp, trying your best to push into his hand. 

The bark of the tree rubs uncomfortable against the exposed skin of your hips, but the pain fizzles into pleasure with each passing second. Your head begins to pound with the blood that rushes to it. The rough texture is a grounding presence that fights against the way Boba’s very existence threatens to send you flying high into atmosphere. 

“Please, what?” Boba asks, smacking his freed cock against your cunt with a wet pop, “Please fuck you so you can go free? So you can vanish and I lose out on a paycheck?”

Stars, you think you might combust. Every fiber of your being is alight. If he doesn’t fuck you, you think you’re gonna wither up and die.

“No! No, I won’t! I’ll stay!” You can’t even register the words leaving your mouth. Nothing matters except getting his cock in you. “I’ll stay. I’ll — I’ll be yours!”

The tip of his cock, thick and heavy, presses against your hole. “You’ll be mine?” He repeats, slowly inching his cock into you.

No matter how many times he presses into you, you’re always worried he won’t fit. He’s just so thick. The stretch is devastating and enough to force a high whine from your lips. 

He forces his cock into your cunt fully with a harsh thrust that forces the breath from your lungs. 

Immediately, he sets a punishing pace, one hand holding the binders that keep your wrists together at the small of your back while the other gathers your hair up to force your head up. 

“You’ll be mine?” Boba repeats, letting go of your binders to land three quick slaps against your ass. “Answer me!”

“Yes!” You cry out, tears gathering in your eyes against the onslaught on your cunt. “Yes, I’ll be yours!” 

His leather gloves rub quick circles around your clit, “Mine? Mine to keep tied up and ready for my cock at all times?” He pounds into you even harder than before, if that’s even possible. “Mine to fuck and fill full of my cum?”

Oh fuck.

You clench around him at his words.

His modulated groan echoes through the forest. “You like that, girl? You like the idea of me keeping you filled the brim with my cum, huh? You want to be fucked and bred?” He punctuates his words with hard and shattering thrusts.

You can’t bring yourself to answer, too caught up in the way that he stretches you to say anything. Fuck, you’re so close. 

“Are you gonna cum?” He whispers, bending to press his chest into your back. 

The angle forces your upper body down even more, and all you can do it take it.

“Yes! Yes! Please let me come,” The tears are falling down your face in earnest now. 

Boba’s hand, the one not rubbing devastating circles on your clit, wraps around your throat and squeezes just enough to make you see stars, “Cum.”

Your orgasm wracks your body like a bomb. Your thighs tremble with the force of how hard you cum, and every one of his thrusts is accompanied but a wet sound that would embarrass you if you were able to think in that moment.

Boba groans as you tighten around him. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” He slows the pace of his thrusts down, now grinding into your cunt and pressing his cock into that spot that makes you a drooling mess. “You want my cum? You want me to fill you up?” 

His gravelly voice, still modulated by the helmet — and, fuck, it should not turn you on as much as it does to know that he kept on that helmet to fuck you —, sends more shivers down your spine. 

“Yes! Please, fill me up! Fill me up, keep me, I’myoursI’myours,” You’re babbling now. The words spill from your lips like the slick that spills down your thighs.

“Fuck,” Boba hisses, grinding his hips once, twice, three more times before he stills and his cum floods your cunt.

You gasp and moan as your walls flutter around him, milking his cock for all it’s worth. 

Your world is reduced down to feeling of Boba’s weight, a grounding presence against the aftershocks of pleasure that threaten to overwhelm you, and his hands that stroke down your back.

“Good girl,” He whispers, voice no longer filtered by the helmet. When did he take that off? “You did so good, little one,” 

The binders fall off your wrists with a soft click. 

Boba eases your bottoms back up around your hips and pulls your body off the tree. 

“C’mon, lets get back to the ship so we can clean you up,” He presses a soft kiss, a drastic juxtaposition from the harsh way he treated you just minutes before, to your temple and resigns himself to supporting half of your weight when it’s evident that your legs are too weak to walk.

You press your body closer to him, relishing in the slight ache that comes from between your legs. “Y’know, you could always try acting if being a crime lord on Tatooine doesn’t work out,” You murmur against his shoulder.

Boba huffs. “You’re not funny.”

“Yes, I am,” You deny, hiding your smile in his pauldron.

You walk in silence, save for the way he’ll occasionally whisper a soft praise in your ear, until you finally remember something.

“Hey,” You slap a hand against his chest plate, “I know this was my idea, but I didn’t expect you to make me run.”

Boba’s laugh echoes through the forest and makes your body shake. “Exercise never hurt anyone, mesh’la,”

You scoff. “Yeah, sure. You look at the bruises on my hips in the morning and tell me that exercise doesn’t hurt.” You’re just complaining now, just finding ways to poke fun at him now that you’ve begun to climb down from the high peak of pleasure.

Boba’s hand around your waist drifts to dig into the raw skin on your hipbone, “I didn’t hear you complaining any,” He whispers into your ear, voice low and daring. 

Goosebumps break out across your body.

Maybe your body will be ready for round two when you get back to the ship.

[meltwonu]

10. “We’re in public, you know.”

23. “We cant do that here!”

34. “Tell me what you want.”

notes; dom!mingyu, drinking/body shots(drink responsibly yall), dirty talk, degradation/name calling/v minor dumbification, creampie/cum eating, fucking in public, v minor hair pulling, yikes what isn't a warning on this one LOL 😩ok i def def def imagined 24hr long haired mingyu for this for the full fantasy heheh ykno the outfit with the distressed denim and black blazer with the chiffon shirt underneath, also this is long so the rest is under the cut!! Thank you again for requesting!! enjoy!!💕

Dive bars were typically reserved for post-exam, post-finals, ‘I’m not sure if I fucked up but I don’t want to think about it’ situations.

Which is exactly why you found yourself there with a handful of your other university friends; 4 shots deep into the tequila.

“Oof, don’t look now but your campus crush just walked in with his entourage.” Vernon teases, already sliding off of his bar stool to get another round of shots. “Do you want another, or?” His voice already sounds faraway when you fixate on Mingyu, the source of all your recent sexual frustrations. You hated to admit it but you were always too shy to approach him, even when you had the same classes. But this time, you knew you were going to finally make a move.

Vernon rolls his eyes when you don’t reply, leaving as you stare off at Mingyu.

And you can’t help but fantasize; goosebumps rising on your skin when you imagine Mingyu’s hands all over your skin and his cock deep inside your pussy. The thought alone has you rubbing your thighs together and it only gets worse when you start to imagine him eating you out; fingertips tangled in his long wavy locks.

Biting your lip, you tear your eyes away from the tall male as soon as you see Vernon walking back to the table.

“Here, got this just for you.” He wiggles his eyebrows, placing a shot glass full of tequila, a slice of lime, and a salt shaker in front of you. “A body shot!” You blush a crimson, eye twitching.

“W-why would I need that?”

Jeonghan snorts from across the table, eyes rolling when you glance his way. “‘Cause you’re ready to break your kneecaps for Mingyu and we all can fuckin’ tell. Here, drink my shot too. You need it.” Gulping, you pick up the glass and quickly down the liquid.

“Now we’re getting somewhere!”

It takes 3 more tequila shots before you’re stumbling off of your stool; swiping the shot glass, lime and salt shaker off of the dirty table before your wobbly legs start taking you towards Mingyu.

His laughter only grows louder the closer you get, heart pounding in your chest when his friends gesture your way.

Mingyu turns to you; a hint of a smirk on his face when he meets your bleary eyes. “Yes?”

“Come do this tequila shot with me!” You slur out, lips forming a drunken smile when he moves to get up from his seat. He wraps his hand around your wrist holding the shot glass, tugging you towards a more secluded part of the bar as his friends look on.

“We’re in public, you know. I’m not sure if body shots are for a dingy dive bar.” Mingyu smiles at you, eyes twinkling with playfulness. “And I’m not really a fan of tequila.”

“If they’re not for sleazy bars, where are they for then, huh?” Your body tingles with electricity with his hand on your wrist and you can’t help the way you lean in closer when he doesn’t respond. 

“And who says you’re the one drinking it anyway. What if I just needed to use your body?”

Mingyu laughs, half in disbelief and half in amusement, letting go of your wrist as he opens his blazer. “Well? Get to it then, let me see what that mouth of yours can do.” You giggle in response, juggling the shot glass and salt shaker in one hand before bringing the slice of lime up to his lips. He bites into it, leaning down until he’s at a comfortable height for you.

Grinning, you unbutton his shirt a little more, leaning in to lick at the junction of his neck and shoulder until you deem it wet enough; shaking the salt shaker over the area until there’s enough salt on his skin. Mingyu laughs around the lime in his mouth, tilting his head a little more to give you more access.

Before you can change your mind, you quickly down the shot, leaning back in as you hurriedly lap at the salt on his skin. The last step has you hesitating for a moment, Mingyu’s firm stare meeting yours when he brings a hand up towards your head. He tangles his hand in your hair and brings you in closer; your lips puckering around the lime wedged between his lips as you suck.

As soon as you bite into the lime, Mingyu pulls back, letting go of your hair in the process. You pull the fruit slice out of your mouth, setting it onto the nearest table just as he wraps a hand around your wrist again, tugging you towards the bar’s restroom.

He quickly pushes you into the one person restroom, locking the door behind himself before turning to face you.

“Tell me what you want.” He grits out, body rigid as he watches you lean against the dirty wall. “Tell me what that greedy pussy of yours wants, baby.”

“Mmh... want you to fu--fuck, hic, me~” 

The alcohol finally hits you hard, body sensitive when he pins you against the wall. “Fuck, that slutty ‘lil  mouth of yours could probably do some damage, huh? I bet you’re good at choking on cock.” You can’t help but moan as you rub your thighs together.

“We can’t do that here!” You whine, hazy eyes trying to focus on Mingyu. “The--the floor’s d--dirty and I, hic, I wanna feel your c-cock inside of meee~”

Mingyu scoffs, eyes rolling when he rests the palms of his hands on either side of your head. “Yeah? You think you can take my cock? Is that pussy wet enough to take me already?” He pauses, watching as you lick your lips. “I could see the way you were staring at me, y’know? Always thought you were a cute ‘lil thing. Playing coy around campus... Who knew you really had it in you.”

“God, Mingyu, would you stop t-talking? I’m trying to get, hic, you in me, so if you’d please just h-hurry!”

“So impatient. You’re just a cock hungry cumslut who’s willing to get fucked by me in a dirty bar restroom, aren’t you?”

You feel the wetness pooling in your panties, hands immediately latching onto his belt as you start to undo the buckle.

“Yes, now fucking, hic, give it to m-me, damn it!”

And Mingyu does.

His strong arms are the only thing keeping you up; your legs wrapped around his waist and back pressed into the wall as he fucks you hard and fast. Your fingertips tangle into his wavy hair, latching on for dear life when he angles his thrusts in a way that has the head of his cock tapping your g-spot.

“O--oh, fuh--fuck, Mingyu, there! Please, h-harder!!”

He chuckles under his breath; harsh thrusts making your pussy tighten even more around his thick cock. “Yeah? You want it harder? You want me to fuck this ‘lil pussy until all it knows is my cock?” Garbled noises spill from your lips at his questions, hands tugging harder onto his hair.

“Y--yes, god, yes! I--fuck, w-want you to fuck me until, a-ah, all I know is how to take your c-cock!” You cry, digging the heels into the small of his back. “God, just please fuck me stupid, Mingyu!!”

The said male grins, nails digging into the underneath of your thighs as he doubles his pace. “Yeah? Wanna be my dumb ‘lil cumslut? I’ll give you what you want. Anytime, baby. Just say the word.” You can only whine in response, teeth chattering when you feel your orgasm coming.

And Mingyu can tell, growling when he feels your pussy sucking him in deeper. “Make yourself cum. Touch your cute ‘lil clit and get my cock wet.”

You reach a hand down between your bodies, fingertips on the swollen nub as you mewl. “Mmh.. Mingyu… need ‘ta cum…” You mumble, pinching your clit between your fingertips. “Pl--please cum i-inside of, hic, me…” Moaning, you rub circles on your clit, eyes rolling to the back of your head when you can feel his cock throbbing inside of you.

“You want me to fill you up with my cum, huh? Filthy ‘lil slut.” He scoffs, grinding against you until you whimper. “Fuck, you’re so goddamn tight!”

“Ngh, Ming----Mingyu, ‘m, ah, gonna c-cum!”

A jumbled mix of words tumble off your lips, Mingyu’s name a broken cry in the mix as you cum; thighs shaking and body tensing as the immense pleasure washes over your body. Mingyu fucks you through your orgasm, finding it harder and harder to thrust into you as your pussy tightens into a vice grip around his cock.

But he soon follows suit, licking his lips when he unloads all of his cum inside of you. He slowly grinds against you, riding out his high as he watches your eyes flutter shut. “Does it feel good, baby?” You can only nod in return; moaning at the feeling of his warm cum filling you up.

Mingyu gives it a second before he lets you down onto your feet gently; your hand slipping from his hair as you try to stabilize yourself on wobbly legs. Your eyes are hazy and your head still feels fuzzy from the alcohol and orgasm, but Mingyu drops to his knees within seconds, a smirk on his face when he looks up at you. 

“Spread your legs. Let me see you push my cum out.”

A blush coats your cheeks as you follow his orders, spreading your legs until you can reach down and use your fingers to keep your swollen folds apart. Mingyu immediately leans in, licking his lips as he watches the cum dribble down your thighs.

“Such an obedient slut.”

He places his hands on your thighs, leaning forward until he’s lapping up at the rivulets of cum that drip down your skin. He licks around your fingers, catching all that he can on his tongue before he stands back up.

It takes you a moment to catch onto what he’s doing; tilting your own head up as he tangles a hand through your hair. He leans down, lips on yours in a heated kiss and all you can taste is his cum and the whiskey he’d been drinking earlier in the night. But you moan into the kiss, parting your lips willingly when he pushes the cum into your mouth for you to swallow.

Your eyes flutter shut just as he pulls away, a thread of cum and spit connecting your mouths when he takes a step back.

“So…” You swallow the salty substance down, trying to adjust your focus on Mingyu who wipes at his lips with the back of his hand.

“Y-yes, Mingyu?”

He runs his hands through his messy hair, checking himself in the broken mirror above the sink.

“D’you come here often?”

[fitztragedy]

Things I Want Changed in Fate S02

Better Costumes

Like, seriously, wth happened there? They were dressed awfully, and that's not news. The costumes were like straight out of a 90's teens movies, it was so obvious there was an adult trying do find out what teens used and maybe saw that 90s fashion was trending and thought that was the hype. Costume designer Catherine Adair has been a costume designer in 29 projects, none of them was a teen TV show (except her most recent project, after Fate, which is a disney kids mystery series) and 16 of wich were in the 90s. She has dressed TV shows before Fate but things like Desperate Housewives and The Man in the High Castle- Definitely not even close to the vibe Fate has. Hopefully she'll either do more research or they'll hire another costume designer since she's aparently working on this new Disney series. IMDb says we have a new Art Director in S02 (Justin Warburton-Brown, who apparently done The Witcher S02!!) so my hopes are very high!

New locations and sets!

I loved Alfea and the Winx Suite but I feel like we need more sets. That's not the fault of the art direction or set decoration (which were done by Karl Clifford -who isn't credited for anything but Fate- and Jil Turner who has a very good resume, having worked on Vikings and a lot of other fantasy movies and tv shows), I feel like they did a pretty good job with what they were given. Having the entire season be basically that got very repetitive and because of the number of views I'm hoping they have a bigger budged in S02 to be able to have different sets. I wanna see Magix! The cartoon did a wonderful job with the city near Alrea, it was super cool to see the futuristic town in a fairy show, which was a contrast to what me, as a kid, imagines what a magical town would look like. I don't think they'll to this for Fate but it'd be cool to see like magic being used in day to day lives. Also if Alfea is in the middle of nowhere where do the girls get like stuff? Where do they buy tampons if they need it? I MUST know!! Also it'd be pretty cool to see Solaria sometime. IMDb also told me we got a new set decorator in S02 and he's been the set decorator of Shadow and Bone (Kevin Downey) so I'M EXCITED.

More plot and Backstory for the characters

Let's skip Bloom and Sky because I think @lilshitwayne would do a better job talking about them and then focus on the others.

Aisha

WHERE IS AISHA'S PLOT??? They done my girl wrong, so wrong. Seriously, what is her backstory? What are her goals and dreams? What are her insecurities and challenges? What is her personal arc? What is her role in the series arc? I wish I could answer all these questions but I just can't. I saw @lilshitwayne and @rivusa dms about her yesterday and I want to give them the floor to talk about it so I'm not gonna say what they said, but I do want more from Aisha's character next season and I want her role to not be as suporting as she was in S01. I do think that the fact that she's a poc character had to do with her lack of development and I will HATE it if they make her also LGBTQ+ and continue with Netflix's trend of shoving all the minorities into one character. Hopefully because of the backlash they'll listen. Precious is a beautiful and great actress and she deservers better.

Musa

Musa had a pretty big part in S02 I'd say. She was basically the second most important character after Bloom, BUT she did not have a plot, let's be real. Her whole arch was basically "I hate my powers, they are useless and just make me suffer and I try to ignore them" and then she met Sam and was like "Oh he basically feels nothing so it's nice to spend time with him" and then she found out Sam was Terra's brother and wanted to keep their relationship a secret, then she told Terra and there was like too much drama for a non-dramatic revelation. Then she had to face her powers when Sam was dying but then he lived so she went back to being the same as she was but with a boring boyfriend now (I know people like Sam and that's okay because people have different tastes but I just don't see the appeal, okay? he's boring in my opinion). So like her whole development and plot was based around a guy. No internet struggle solved, no character development. Yes Musa is my favorite character but I still don't like her "plot".

Stella and Terra

idk what I'd say about them. I think one of the other girls in the fate fandom might have takes and stuff. Terra had the self-steem and body issues that basically went no where and Stella has mommy issues and issues in general that are probably gonna get more developed already so I'm not too worries about them.

I know people didn't like that they made Stella have a very different personality than the cartoons and (hot take) I kinda like it. Don't @ me. Stella was hella annoying in the cartoons and I like this very messed up Stella we got, yes she's a bitch but she's got layers and I can't wait to see them Explored.

Terra was not a cartoon character and I have no fucking idea why they didn't just put Flora. Flora in the cartoon had also a very different personality so maybe they thought she didn't fit, but then why not keep her and just change the personality like they did with Stella? Also if they had made Terra latina it wouldn't have changed anything in Terra's plot. Idk what happened behind the scenes but that's what we got. I do want Flora to appear and be this cute cinnamon roll but also badass (and latina) so *fingers crossed*

Riven

ah, Riven... He has so much potential and I can't wait to see his character development throughout the series. I can see a lot of troubles at home and internalized homophobia and fuck he's just so god damn Bi. Hopefully that little interaction with Dane about just liking whoever depending on the gender will make Riven be okay with his sexuality and I really like this plot okay?

Also, yes, as a Rivusa shipper I want that to happen and I've already done two huge post about Riven and Rivusa in Fate so if u wanna read more go and do it (here and here).

The rest idgaf about them (I do but i'm too lazy to type)

Future characters

I wanna see Brandon. They call even make Stella bi and change Brandon to like Brenda or something, I've done that in fics and I think that'd be interesting.

Flora, of course, as said above.

Helia if they bring Flora along. They should pair him with Terra, he's Flora's.

I don't wanna see Tecna and Timmy tbh, might be a controversial opinion but I didn't really care for them in the OG and with all the normal technology in Fate I don't really see a reason for them. Unless they change Tecna's powers like they did with Musa, but we don't need another white basic bitch character.

I think that's it!

If yall want to answer and discuss Fate feel free to reblog! I'd love to talk about how we could improve the show!

[rightsockjin]

Summary:  Jimin spent all of his time practicing for the performance at roller rink on skates. And he means ALL of his time. He was a little frustrated to say the least. Won’t someone lend him a hand? Or possibly... a mouth?

Rating:M

Genre:SMUT! Tiny fluff if you squint.

Warnings: HARD BLOWJOB YALL! Female oral receieveing and giving. Partially public. Slight Exsobitonist. Sexual activities in a public bathroom. Loud Jimin! Slight soft Dom. Mentions of “ruining” reader. Little experiences reader. Panty theif! Gagging. Oppa!

Word count:4,444

Author’s notes: I’m so soft for Jimin:( This turned out much sweeter than I intended but I'm not at all mad at it.  Its kinda cute and I'm down for it.

 Jimin’s pants were long and wide at the bottom so that his skates would be partially covered by the fabric. It wasn’t necessary. It wasn’t like his boss was harping him about wearing bell bottoms. On the contrary, he usually got reprimanded for his choice in pants because it was out of uniform, but Jimin thought that it gave him a little umph! It made him look like he was gliding across the roller rink. He looked ethereal. At least that’s what they had told him. Duh its jimin

        But, he thought as he looked at you as your mouth bobbed up and down on his shaft and soft moans caught in your throat, there was no way he looked anywhere near as majestic and ethereal as you did under the fluorescent lights of the food stand.

        His toned thigh muscles clenched as you sucked your cheeks in and pushed your head even farther down on his shaft. A high pitched moan was ripped out of his plush lips. A little bit of drool embarrassingly dripping from the corner of his mouth. His thick hand was placed gingerly in your blown out hair, every once in a while tightening and guiding you up or down.

        A little bit of saliva dribbled down from your mouth. You noisily slurped it up. Normally, you would try to keep it down in a place so public but after Jimin had performed his elaborate routine, the entire place emptied and the cameras couldn’t see behind the counter and had no sound, so you weren’t worried.

        “Fuck!” And it seemed that neither was Jimin.

        His feet were covered completely by the dark jeans, his green and white bomber jacket hung on the back of the metal chair that squeaked every time he jolted against your hold. And Jimin was one of those men that like to thrust up into your throat. You gagged as he thrust particularly hard into the soft part of your throat. The muscles constricted around its more than average length.

        “Yes baby right there,” he groaned, forcing past your reaction. His hips flush against your lips. You squeezed your thumb in your hand, a hail mary that you had read about somewhere on the internet that was supposed to stop you from gagging too harshly but Jimin’s erection was too hard and too thick for it to work.

        Slightly disappointed, you tapped his thigh so he would let you up for air. Jimin held you for only a second longer. Then his hand let go of your head and he situated his ass back on the squeaky chair effectively pulling a good amount of his erection out of your mouth. You pulled your head up the rest of the way. He slipped out of you ungracefully, coated in your spit, gleaming with the purple and blue of the lights.

        Not wanting to pause his rising pleasure, you wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave a few experimental pumps. It was slick. Despite how much your throat hurt after how deep he’d pushed his member in your throat, you couldn’t help but salivate at the sight, wanting to take him back in and make him make those pretty noises again.

        “uhgnh, damn it, Y/N that’s it. How are you this fucking good at this? Even your cute hands feel better than anything I’ve ever had before…ngh…yes fuck.”

        Jimin panted, his chest rising and falling exaggeratedly. Like he’d just finished one of his four hour long rehearsals and the song he’d chosen was fast and his choreography was  extremely difficult. You had been there before, your mouth watering and your panties soaking through. There was a sort of allure that Jimin had when he was dancing on his skates. A grace you could never hope to replicate and damn it all to hell if it wasn’t the sexiest thing you had ever witnessed.

        Now you got the chance to do all of the nasty things that you had dreamed of. The fantasies you had on those numerous days watching from the side lines. Park Jimin was wasted on a place like this. If only he would audition for a company of some sort. But that was a conversation for another time.

        “Don’t stop,” he breathed, his eyes closed slightly, his lips hanging open.

        “Jimin,” you whimpered, collecting the precum from his tip on your thumb.

        “Yes baby?”

        With what looked like a great deal of effort, he raised his head and looked down at you. Your smirk was confident. Ready to please. And who could blame you when you had Park Jimin in your hands?

        Your eyes locked on his, you made a show of sucking the precum off your finger. It was salty, like the popcorn that sat behind you under a lightbulb to be kept warm even though no one ever bought any. Who wanted salt when they were sweating?

        “Are you teasing me?” He asked, his smirk mirroring your own.

        You shrug, tightening your hold slightly on his penis. It twitched in your hold and he bit his lip, holding back what looked to be a painful moan. You planted a soft kiss on the underside, letting your tongue roll on the same little section before you popped off of it.

        Then, with a cheeky smile you said, “Maybe.”

        Jimin laughed deep in his chest. His whole body convulsed. You jerked your wrist and twisted slightly as he chuckled. Almost instantly, he choked on his own laughter, his muscles once again tightening. His dick twitched in your hand. What you would give to ride him right then and there on the loud ass chair, but as it was, you were kneeling so the cameras couldn’t see you. It would be too suspicious if they caught you on tape.

        “If you would have told me you were this good, I would have fucked you months ago,” Jimin said through clenched teeth as you experimentally licked the tip of his dick like the Lollipops that you always bought from the snack stand so you could have a brief conversation with the sexy roller skater when he wasn’t on the rink.

        “I’ve had lots of practice,” you joke, your lips partially on his member.

        Jimin opened his mouth to say something but suddenly, he straightened, his back ridged and his eyes wide. Without hesitation, he yanked his green and white bomber jacket and threw it over both yourself and his exposed sex.

        Your heart began to race as you heard heavy footsteps walking up to the candy counter. You were caught. There were no if’s and’s or but’s about it. Would you get arrested? Would Jimin lose his job?

        You didn’t dare move. You forced all of your consciousness to your hearing, hoping you could hear anything that would tell you in how much trouble you both were, but what you heard made your blood run cold.

        “Great job today Jiminie,” a nasally voice that you would recognize anywhere said. It dripped with honey that to you felt tainted with what could only be described as bitterness.

        “Hey! Jess! I uh…you too,” he said, moving the chair farther under the counter. You shuffled back on your knees awkwardly, careful not to hit anything and give away your position.

        Jess. So that was her name. The many practices that you’d attended had been plagued with her as well. She was Jimin’s partner after all and, to your dismay, his ex-girlfriend.

        “Well we do make a good team,” she gushed. You scrunched your nose at that. Sure, she was a graceful dancer but she was a shit person. Any time you had tried to politely compliment her on anything she did, she’d shut you down by simply ignoring you and you had noticed that she tended to do this to any girl that spoke to her.

        “But then again, we have a,” she paused and you imagined her biting her lip and pushing her boobs together in that knotted crop top with the flouncy sleeves she’s worn for the day to entice Jimin, “special understanding of how our bodies function together right…Jimin?”

        You growled under your breath, Jimin shifted uncomfortably also understanding what Jess had meant.

        “Y-yeah, ri-right,” he laughed trying to defuse the tension he clearly felt. Just then, you realized that you still had his very much erect member in your grasp. This was your chance. She had hers and whatever the reason be, you were not going to let it slip through your hands.

        You gave his erection a solid tug. His reaction was instantaneous. He jumped in his seat, the chair scraped against the concrete floor. His legs began to shake. You imagined his pretty lips formed into a surprised ‘o’. His puffy eyes wide.

        “Got you thinking, huh?” Jess said, her voice smug. You rolled your eyes knowing that no one could see you.

        Jimin’s member hardened even more. Rock hard, maybe even painfully so. A smile tugged at your lips as you leaned in and blew softly on the sensitive skin.

        A hand found its way to your head once again but this time, he was pushing you away from his sex instead of onto it but you weren’t going to give up. The material of the jacket slipped over your hair smoothly letting you get closer towards your goal.

        “Ha, yeah uh Jess so you think we could-ah,” you licked a thick wet stripe from the base of his dick up to the tip. He was leaking like crazy. Begging you, basically, to suck him off.

        “Wow Jimin,” Jess breathed clearly thinking that his reaction was for her and not for your skilled tongue, “I didn’t realize you missed me that much. Hey,” she said conspiratorially as you licked another strip up his shaft, “why don’t you and I take off of work for a bit. No one’s around…I can take care of you if you are…up to it.”

        Without even giving him time to think over her suggestion, you opened your mouth wide and let his penis fall back in where it should have been this whole time.

        Jimin hissed from above you. A tiny, almost inaudible moan, vibrated in your throat as you closed the seal and sucked wantonly. A vein in his cock pulsed against your tongue. Jimin’s legs fell apart as if to give you more room. He’d already started to buck his hips slightly into your open mouth but this time you were determined to see it through to the end.

        “Sound like a good idea? You don’t have to say it Park Jimin. I can read you like a magazine. Meet me in the men’s room in five. I have some naughty things planned for you.”

        You let go of his erection and grabbed onto his thighs so that you could pull the last inch of his length into your mouth. Jimin tensed so violently as your gag reflex kicked off once again. It convulsed around the sensitive tip.

        “Shit,” he nearly yelled. From the annoyingly sweet giggles, Jess thought that was for her as well. You found solace in knowing that it wasn’t. Knowing that the reactions he was having were solely for you and the things you were doing to him.

        It was only when the footsteps had faded and in the distance you heard a door close a little too loudly that Jimin pulled his jacket off your head. The sight he was met with was nothing more than what he considered pure heaven. Your nose was flush against his hips. Your hands wrapped loosely on his thighs. He pulled your hair out of your face so he could more clearly see your features and were it not for his experience and many a night masturbating, he might have cum right then and there.

        Determined to keep his mind on you and not on the quick fuck he could have in the bathroom if he chose to, you began to bob your head again, this time making sure that his tip hit the soft part of your throat every time. Jimin opened his legs wider still, nearly flat to the back of the chair, to give you more room to work.

        You would have smiled had your mouth not been preoccupied. Quiet, delighted sighs rang in the air with the sound of a song that you hadn’t heard before. The lights in the roller rink dimmed slightly and a disco ball dropped down. This, you only knew because you’d seen it happen enough times in a day.

        You reached under your chin and cupped his balls in your small hand, steadily massaging them. Instantly, you felt them constrict in your grasp and Jimin’s hips, which had been lightly bobbing in time with your head, stopped entirely. You had little to no warning as he pushed your head down onto his disco stick and hardened more in your mouth. You hadn’t even thought it possible but his length fell heavy on your tongue and the inside of your cheeks. Your eyes watered as a shot of cum was pushed down your esophagus, then another and another and possibly one more. You weren’t sure. You’d zoned out so that you could stop yourself from fully barfing on him and weirdly enough, it had worked. As the last stripe of hot cum hit your throat, you pulled your head off of him and sat back on your heels, your mouth full.

        You waited patiently for Jimin to catch his breath. He was sweating slightly. The heady scent of his cum and sweat was doing wonders for your libido. Finally, with heavy lids, he looked down at you and without hesitation, you opened your mouth. Filled with his white seed, you displayed your mouth full before you winked, closed your mouth and audibly swallowed it whole.

        “You’ve got to be joking,” he groaned, covering his pretty face with his ring clad fingers, “fuck you’re so hot. Get up.” He instructed.

        You tilted your head to the side like a lost dog but he gave you no further explanation. He took one of the hands resting on your jean clad legs and gently pulled you out from under the concession stand. Now that you were out in the open, you felt a little bit self-conscious about what you had done.

        Quickly, Jimin tucked himself into his underwear, still as hard as could be, and buttoned his pants. He tossed his jacket over his shoulder, his hand firmly grasping yours as he led you towards the bathrooms. Panic took over as he neared the separate restrooms, thinking he might make you have a threesome with that awful girl Jess, but with a quick wink in your direction and a shrug, he b-lined for the women’s restroom and locked the door behind him.

        Your heart calmed slightly, glad that neither you nor him were going to go to the men’s room. That is, until he turned to look at you with lust dripping from his eyes. His bulge strained against his tight jeans. All for you. The white of his shirt had become slightly patchy in some areas due to sweat. The chain around his neck hung between his pecs, his nipples clearly erect. He was sex incarnate.

        “What are we doing in the bathroom Jimin?” You asked innocently, hoping for what could only be described as the opposite of such.

        “Fuck, Angel,” he laughed taking a couple of steps towards you, his heeled boots clicking against the tiled floor, “we’re here for your turn.”

        Your doe eyes widened. Heat flushed your cheeks and excitement filled your veins. When you had propositioned Jimin earlier that day, you hadn’t thought it would lead to anything. You weren’t even expecting him to reciprocate or to even remember your name, but life was full of surprises and you had clearly done something really great in a past life to be standing there, in a roller rink bathroom with the king of sex himself, offering you a chance to fall apart at his tongue.

        “I’m going to ruin you, Angel,” he whispered, taking your cheeks in his hands and rolling your head on your shoulders. You let him maneuver you, too weak to think for yourself. He pushed your back onto the sink which had a barney purple rim around the outside that served as a table. Before you could sit yourself though, Jimin took his jacket from his shoulders and set it down as a barrier between what would soon be your bare ass and the sink table.

        “What a gentleman,” you joked, placing your hand over your heart and blinking rapidly at him.

        “Always,” he joked, squatting down so he was face to face with your jean button. He glanced up at you, making sure that you were okay with what was about to happen. You nodded eagerly, his hands working of what seemed to be their own accord to unbutton and unzip your bell bottoms. He grabbed onto the part of the jeans that began to fan out then tugged roughly.

        You held onto his shoulders and let him maneuver your pants off of you. Your heeled boots didn’t put up much of a fight. He neatly folded them and placed on the baby changing station for safekeeping and again you were struck at his thoughtfulness.

        It was when he turned around that you froze realizing that you had picked the most unsexy pair of underwear you owned. They were pure white, and high waisted like the pants you had been wearing. A tiny little bow sat right at the center of the elastic that was holding it in place. You blushed, wishing you could go back in time and tell yourself to choose literally anything other than these granny panties.

        Jimin stared at your choice of undergarments for what felt like years. His expression was blank, like he couldn’t quite make up his mind about what he wanted to do or say. You sighed, dejectedly pointing at the door. Your head down so you didn’t have to see the lust melt away from his body.

        “If you want to go with Jess instead, I understand.” She was more experienced than you were, and she had been right about one thing. She knew how Jimin’s body worked and while you had found your way around him fairly well earlier, you felt he might have more fun with someone who knew what they were doing.

        “Are you kidding me? And miss unwrapping this pretty little present? Angel, did you wear this just for me?”

        In one step, Jimin was before you, his thumb and forefinger tilting your chin up to look him in the eyes. A devious look present in his brown irises that you couldn’t place.

        “You don’t think they’re…”

        “Not even a little bit. I told you, Angel,” Jimin began, his hand traveling slowly down the valley of your breasts until it reached the elastic of your panties, “I’m going to ruin you.”

        Then he bent down, wrapping his arms around your thighs and carrying you up and onto his bomber jacket. He positioned you so that you were close to the edge to make it easier for him when he kneeled down.

        Without warning, he leaned in and took a deep whiff of your core. Humiliation thrummed through your muscles. You fought your instinct to close your legs, wanting to enjoy what he was doing.

        “Shit you smell good… and you’re so wet,” he said, more to himself than to you but the praise made you feel a little less self-conscious about the situation, “I wonder if you taste as sweet as you smell.”

        His lips pulled over his white teeth. He planted soft, open mouthed kisses on the inside of your thighs as he hooked two fingers on the elastic of your underwear. On pure instinct, you pushed yourself up off your butt, holding your weight on your palms so he could slip them off your body. He balled them up and tucked them into his pants pocket with a cheeky smirk.

        “Ready for me, Angel?”

        You barely nodded before he’d leaned in, and with his eyes locked on yours, licked a thin line up from your entrance all the way to your clit. Maybe it was all the tension from before or the fact that you were inexperienced but his tongue felt like a mixture of all the good and bad things in the world. It was wet and warm and shot a spark of something equally pleasurable and painful into your stomach.

        “Eugh, fuck you taste just like honey,” he commented, diving in once again, this time flattening his tongue so it covered more surface area. Your legs convulsed at the sensation. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before. It was smooth and yet somehow rough. Wet but not unpleasant. He did it again, pushing it harder against your folds as It got closer to your clit which you could feel pulsating with the need to be stimulated.

        “How does that feel, baby? Good? Is Jimin oppa making you feel good?”

        You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head as he flicked his tongue a couple of times over your sensitive bundle of nerves. Your muscles burned with need. You wanted -no- you needed more.

        Jimin sucked the top section of your lower lips into his mouth and a loud kiss noise echoed in the restroom.

        “Answer me, angel. I need to know that what I’m doing feels good.”

        “Ngh- yes,” you whimpered, trying to keep your legs open as he rubbed the middle of his tongue on your clit over and over again. The pressure was building quickly. You wouldn’t last like this. And maybe that’s what he wanted because next thing you knew, he chuckled against your pearl then clamped his plump lips around it. You felt him pull your legs over his shoulders rather than saw him because the pleasure was too strong, too pure for you to keep your eyes open.

        You locked your heels behind his head as an obnoxiously loud moan was ripped from your throat. You felt two of his fingers push your slit open only to circle your sopping wet entrance. The anticipation was killing you. You needed to be filled.

        “Please Jimin oppa,” you begged in a high pitched breathy moan, “please touch me.”

        A guttural groan vibrated against your clit. You saw stars behind your eyes as Jimin plunged two fingers into your wet opening. He worked you open slowly, his tongue and lips never letting up. Your toes began to curl and uncurl in your boots. Your thighs were shaking on his shoulders as you got closer and closer.

        “Oppa,” you gasped, “I’m about to- ah,” and it happened. You could only see white behind your closed eyelids. You could feel Jimin’s fingers relentlessly pushing in and out of you at a good pace to help you ride out your orgasm. Over stimulation set in so quickly that your head spun and your body twitched. Your legs flew open trying to push him off of you with blind gestures and groans and moans.

        Jimin got the message and pulled his lips off your sensitive skin and slowly pulled his fingers out of your entrance. He stood, towering over you. He brought his fingers up so that you could see them and spread them wide like your legs had. Thick strings of your arousal clung to them, falling into his rings.

        “Wanna share?” He asked, sucking his index finger into his mouth and licking it clean. He moaned erotically, like it was the best dish he had ever had, then held out his middle finger to you. Hesitantly, you opened your mouth wide enough for him to slip his finger in between your lips.

        To your surprise, he had been right. You did taste sweet, almost like honey with a little bit of musk or something you couldn’t place. You greedily sucked all of your essence from his finger before you let him pull it out of your mouth.    

        “That’s a good girl,” he praised turning the fossette on and quickly washing his hands, “did you like it, Angel?”

        “Mhm,” was all you could manage as he turned over and grabbed your pants. He began to slip them on each of your legs when you realized that he hadn’t put your underwear back on. You pointed this out to him, with curious confusion and he only laughed.

        “Those are mine now. What am I supposed to do the next time I need some help and you’re not around? Be a good girl and pull your pants up for me.”

        You weren’t exactly happy about having to forgo your undergarments, but a part of you found it incredibly hot that he wanted them so you sucked up your pride and stood, pulling your pants up and buttoning them. It was slightly uncomfortable, especially since you were still a little sensitive from your orgasm but when Jimin placed his bomber over your shoulder followed by his hand, you didn’t remember to care.

        You smiled up at him, and he smiled down at you. A gleam in his puffy eyes, made you want to ravage him again.

        “Next time,” he whispered in your ear, “I’ll show you what I can really do.”

        Next time. There would be a next time! Jimin unlocked the bathroom door and opened it at the exact same time as the door to the men’s room opened. Out came a very confused looking Jess, her shirt unknotted and her hair seemingly disheveled. When her eyes landed on Jimin’s arm around you, her features turned to anger.

        In a burst of confidence, you reached into Jimin’s pocket and pulled out your white panties. You waved them around like a flag, smirked at her shocked expression, then tucked them back into his pocket so that they hung out slightly. You wrapped an arm around Jimin’s waist before you sent a wink her way.

        Jimin only chuckled as he walked you back to the main lobby. People were starting to come back to the roller rink. Jimin sighed, pushed the underwear farther into his pocket and clicked on the giant outdoor sign as it had started to get dark.

        “I’ll call you later, okay, Angel?”

        “You better,” you confirmed, turning to leave as the first customer opened the door.

        Jimin greeted them with his usual greeting as you walked out into the night, “Welcome to Dynamite Roller Rink, what size skates can I get you?”

Read the rest here!

[nestacorvere]

acosf rant review

i finished acosf a while ago and i just can´t stop thinking about it so this is an attempt to get it all off my chest cause i have a lot of thoughts. 

spoilers below the cut 

i read the first 6 chapters when they were “leaked” and honestly that just set the bar really low. all these years that i´ve waited for the book i always thought nesta was going to illyria and that she would be away from the inner circle (except for cassian and azriel). but then came those chapters and i realized the ic would actually be in the book and i was pissed. 

the first few chapters were hard to get through. what mor said about sending nesta to the court of nightmares (and cassian not saying anything about it), what amren said about putting her in the dungeons in hewn city made me want to through my phone across the room. sure, send a depressed person dealing with ptsd, which is something they have all gone through before, to a place where she´ll feel more tortured. yay that´s so smart. it will certainly make her feel better (/irony). 

also this thing feyre says and sjm apparently forgets about it throughout the book to make us believe feyre acted solely on nesta´s wellbeing. (i dont´t hate feyre yall it was just clear to me she had ulterior motives to send nesta away and that quote proves it)

“It is about how it reflects upon me, upon Rhys, and upon my court when my damned sister spends our money on wine and gambling and does nothing to contribute to this city! If my sister cannot be controlled, then why should we have the right to rule over anyone else?”

but then the part where nesta calls rhysand “an arrogant, preening asshole” got me laughing so much. this whole scene is a fucking disaster but that part was funny af. 

i only began to really like the book after the scene where nesta helps gwyn by trading the books in merrill´s office. when nesta trully smiled for the first time i literally teared up. 

also nesta´s friendship with the House was amazing. one of the best things in this book. and the whole “the house likes romance books” made me laugh all the time. 

“The book,” Nesta said, a bit breatlessly, “is about...” Her nostrils flared and her eyes went a bit unfocused. “A book”. 

“Interesting”, Cassian murmured, “Sounds great.” 

and this dialogue... pure gold. i’m also like that when i’m reading smut and someone asks me what the book is about hahaha. 

now another thing that bothered me:

“Because illyrians are backward and horrible”  

why is sjm constantly depicting the only POC in acotar as monsters? wht tf did she make them to be abusers? it´s a rhetorical question btw. i think we all know the answer. i´m a firm believer that even though this is a fantasy book, stereotypes like this are still damning and wrong. 

the fighting scene between cassian and azriel and nesta fantasizing about a threesome was funny and weird. i understand sjm wanted to show us who the threesome would be with if she hadn´t deleted it and it actually made me glad she did. it would not have fit the narrative at all.

the sex scenes were great in the beginning but then i got tired of them. i always get tired when there´s that much sex scenes and ik sjm warned us. but it was nessian so i made myself read and care about them. 

nesta´s power damn i was shook. i loved it. all the scenes that showed her power were absolutely amazing. 

now moving on to the worst part of the book. nesta Made the weapons. with her power. therefore they are her weapons. they happened to end in rhysands hands but that doesn´t give him, or feyre, or the ic the right to choose not to tell her about her weapons. the whole high king thing sjm threw out there just to make us see that hey rhysand is not bad yall he doesnt want to usurp power even though he has the weapons for it and his friends actually suggested it. amren could go to fucking hell for all i care after this. also for the things she say when nesta confronts her about it. 

when rhysand and all them found out the baby could kill feyre and didn´t tell her i was already pissed. who the fuck they think they are to deny her the information that she might die and that her son would likely die with her? nothing and no one has that right. not even her fucking mate. no one. i think it was wrong of nesta to tell her the way she did and to only do it out of anger. but i was actually fucking glad someone told her at all. and rhysand threatening to kill nesta only makes me more angry. even feyre can see it was because of the parallel she saw between them not telling her about the weapons and she isn´t even angry at nesta. but rhysand thinks he has the right to be angry after not telling his mate she could die? oh fuck off. 

i actually enjoyed the major plot of this book. the dread trove thing, the queen and koschei was actually pretty interesting to me and i wasn´t bored. it actually made me more interested to read the next books. i had promised myself i would be done with sjm after acosf cause all i ever cared about was nesta but i might keep reading cause i enjoyed this plot. 

since i´ve talked about the worst part (to me) let´s talk about the best parts now. nesta´s, emerie´s and gwyn´s friendship was absolutely everything to me. i love them all so much. i was just so happy to see nesta happy and i fell in love with emerie and gwyn as well. i also love nessian and although some things they said to each other and the way cassian behaved toward nesta in some scenes didn´t really make me happy, i will always love this couple. i just like the version in my mind and fanfics better. and nesta´s whole healing arc was amazing to me. it made me so so proud of her.  

azriel´s present to nesta made me soft. i love them so much omg i wished they had interacted more.  

the scene where it´s revealed nessian are mated is so heartcrushing. it made me sad to see cassian say he was “shackled” to her because she had already admited she felt unworthy of his love and by saying that he just made her feel it all over again. sad sad sad sad sad. i actually cried. 

the whole blood rite thing to me was only to prove to us readers that nesta was strong even without her powers and it was preparing us for what would come. that being said i actually liked it. i think the bond the girls created there and nesta realizing how strong she was made it worth it. 

now to the ending. i unfortunately read spoilers of the ending before i finished the book. so throughout it was already preparing myself for that scene. i think that was part of the reason that i wasn´t pissed by the end of the book. i don´t think power means strenght and i also believe nesta is strong regardless of her power. but i just loved her power, you know. i don´t think she´s any less strong now because everything she learned makes her strong in a different way. but i was just sad. it made me think sjm just didn´t want anyone more powerful than rhysand. 

also sjm really made nesta think of rhysand as her brother, seriously. out of nowhere. he never did one good thing toward her. never. and he also didn´t apologize for the bad things he did. no one apologized actually. nesta and feyre were the only one´s that actually said they were sorry and that realized they were wrong. sjm made nesta apologize to everyone. but only one person apologized to her.  disappointed but not surprised. 

i think that´s all i have to say. this book was truly a rollercoast of emotions to me. i was angry, sad, i laughed, i cried (of sadness and of happiness) and in the end i was just happy. all the things i wrote here were because i couldn´t stop thinking about the book after i finished it and i started realizing some stuff. but i still loved it. nesta is my favorite character and in the end i´m just happy she´s happy. 

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Poetry for an Heiress, Chapter 7

Word Count: 5k

Summary: When a duchess and her children are abandoned far from home, they must rely on the kindness of one stranger to guide them home.

Warnings: None! (for this chapter

HERE YALL GO. I'm sorry this chapter was late getting out. November is Trauma Center(TM) month for me and my brain meats have a hard time keeping up. I love y’all.

"Princess, would you care to accompany me into town?" Ezra asked softly one morning. He set the book he was reading down on the table and looked at you with a fond smile. 

"Of course. We just went the other day, did you forget something?" you asked, setting your tea cup down on the table. A few months ago, you never would have even considered leaving the children here alone. Now, it felt different. You felt more comfortable leaving them alone for a while. "I'm sure the children will be okay for an hour or so, won't they?"

"I guarantee it," he hummed. "I just wanted to get you a few things for... for when you leave."

You couldn't help but notice the hesitation in his voice as he mentioned your imminent departure. He had been toeing around the entire thing for the past few days and quite frankly, you had been grateful. It pained you to think that you might never see him again when you left. 

You felt that by not bringing up the fact that there was a perfectly good vessel he had commissioned for you ready to go, maybe you could stay just a little bit longer. The children certainly wouldn't mind. You had mentioned it off handedly to them one afternoon and it broke your heart when they assumed Ezra would be coming along.

You stood up from the table and dusted off your dress. Your clothes had never seen this much wear and they definitely were showing it since your arrival. They fit the environment now, worn-in, friendly, comfortable. Your skin itched at the mere thought of going back to scratchy gowns and beaded chemises.

As much as you detested the idea of going back, it felt a necessary evil, unfortunately. Your grandmother was likely to step down from the throne soon, and your mother would take her place. You would be next. Then Aiden. It was a never ending cycle and one you grew to loathe with every passing minute here. The thought of you remaining here with Ezra forever with the children felt like a fantasy story.

Soon there would be no long nights where you would make up stories for the children together. No meals cooked together. No walks to the market.

"I would be happy to go with you," you said with a smile. You might as well take advantage of what little time you had left together. 

You looked at the children as they played in the yard. The boys had grown like weeds in the warm days of Muir. Their trousers were too short now, their shirts just a bit too small. Marie, your little bug, her hair had gotten longer and lighter in the sun. 

"We're going into town for a minute," Ezra explained as he eyed the children up and down. "Now, I don't want to come home to find my barn and field razed to the ground. And your mother and I want you all in one piece. Understood?"

"Yes, Mr. Ezra," the children mumbled as they glanced toward you. You only raised your brow in agreement with Ezra.

"Mama!" Marie called as she bounced excitedly in front of you. "Are you and Mr. Ezra going a-courting?"

You blushed and Ezra chuckled beside you. "Are you watching those old princess pictures again, little bird?" Ezra asked, kneeling down in front of her. He gently ruffled her curls and smiled. "Your mama deserves a prince to court her! Not an old scoundrel like me!"

You tried not to hear the sadness in his voice. It seemed he was just as hesitant about you leaving as you were. "We'll be back soon. No wild horseplay, children!"

You took Ezra's arm and walked with him to the back gate towards town. His arm was warm and reassuring against you, bracing you for what Aiden murmured as you walked away.

"I guess we aren't gonna have a father after all, huh?" he whispered to his brother and sister.

"We were so close this time," Henry mumbled.

You wiped your eyes as Ezra unlatched the gate and helped you out over the little brook. Neither of you looked at one another until you hit the main road entering town.

"Ezra, I'm sorry--" you started as you reached the town limits, wanting to apologize for the children's behavior.

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "It's alright, Princess. I understand the children's disappointment. I hope that when you arrive safely back at your palace, you will find someone who truly deserves you."

You stared at Ezra in silent shock, tears flowing down your cheeks. Did he not know how you felt about him? How much you care for him? "Please, Ezra. Don't say that."

He shook his head. "I only want what is best for you, Princess. And the children."

You started to reply, but were cut off by someone calling for Ezra. The man from a few days ago, Charlie, was jogging towards you both, his hand waving to get your attention. 

"Ez, hey," Charlie panted as he approached. He turned to you and bowed lowly to greet you. "Highness. Ez, I finally got the fuel siphoned over from the Veskar."

You turned your head so neither man would see your tears. It seemed as though your dreams of staying here were just that. Dreams. 

"Well now, that's just fantastic news," Ezra exclaimed, clapping Charlie on the shoulder. "I'll stop over to discuss specifics later, as we're on a supply run at the moment."

Charlie nodded and bowed to you again. "I look forward to seeing you again, Princess," he said with a smile as he took your hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

"Alright, thank you," Ezra said firmly as he led you away from Charlie. He glared at the other man as you walked down the street together.

You quickly wiped your tears away and smiled at the small glimpse of jealousy that shone through. Even if you two weren't able to be together, he was still fiercely protective of you. 

"Back to the general store," he said, holding the door open for you. He stepped in behind you and shut the door firmly. 

The store was fairly busy this time of day. By the looks of it, there were a few harvesters and farm hands scouring the shelves for supplies. A rather terrifying looking man was positioned on a stack of crates in the back of the store, keeping an eagle eye out for shoplifters. 

"Morning, Ezra!" Marta called brightly from behind the counter. She finished totalling up a rather grizzled looking mercenary's order and held out her hand as he counted out the credits. 

Ezra nodded in her direction and kept a firm hand on your back as he guided you towards boxes of canned and packaged goods. He picked up a few items and handed them to you to put into the backpack he'd brought. 

After he'd picked a few, he turned and nodded towards the counter, gesturing for you to head to Marta.

She smiled at you as you handed her the backpack fill of goods. She began to count and total the purchases, humming softly as she worked.

Ezra glanced over his shoulder and patted your arm. "I'll bring right back, Princess. Just hang on one second." He disappeared from your side and pushed his way through the other occupants.

"Are you headed back home?" Marta asked as she tallied your order. She frowned when she saw how unhappy you looked in response. "You don't have to go, you know. I've never seen Ezra so damn happy as when he's with you and those kids. If you stayed, he'd would be over the moon. The boy needs a family."

You brushed a tear away and sighed. Every sign was pointing you to stay with him, yet you knew you just couldn't. 

"I--"

"Here we go, Marta, ring that up too, would you kindly?" Ezra asked, plopping down an extra fuel can. He glanced between Marta's frown and your solemn expression and then sighed. "Sorry, Mar. Excuse us for just a minute." He pulled you over to the side and brushed your tears away. "Princess, what's wrong? Did one of those prospectors say something?"

You shook your head and let out a sob. "No, it's not that-- you've just been so kind and helpful and I still haven't found a way to repay you!"

Ezra shook his head and tugged you against his chest. "Princess, no, it's alright. Don't cry. Come on, let me pay and I'll take you home. Why don't you wait outside for me? You can get some air."

You nodded and rushed out, not wanting the mercenaries and prospectors to see you. As you stepped outside, you looked up to the pale sky above. Since your arrival, a large purple planet had entered orbit, rising along the eastern horizon. You remembered the boys asking about it, and the story Ezra had told about how the purple planet, Doranastrus, chased after the morning star. They were constantly just out of one another's gravitational pull. Ezra had watched you the entire time he told the story. That had been a few months ago now, but you hadn't forgotten the story. 

"I'm a fool," you whispered to yourself.

An old woman wandered down the street and stopped in front of you. She regarded you with a nod and looked you up and down. "Is your husband the one with the two goats? He rents them to eat grasses?"

The bell on the shop door tinkled merrily behind you before you could answer and Ezra stepped out. He shut the door behind him and came down the few stairs to stand beside you. "What's this about a husband and goats?"

"Are you this woman's husband?"

"Now, I wouldn't exactly call myself her husband," Ezra chuckled, shouldering his backpack. He cleared his throat and looked at the woman. "What did you need?"

"You're the one with them goats on the edge of town?"

"I am indeed the man with the goats. How can I be of service?"

"Need them for a few days to clear a patch of land," she responded. 

Ezra nodded. "Absolutely. Swing by the farm sometime tomorrow and pick them up. You have Amir's old plot right?"

She nodded. "I do. I'm June, my husband is Rhys. I'll send him over tomorrow after lunch."

"Perfect," he said with a smile. "I look forward to it. I'll let the girls know they'll be shipping off. Thank you, June." 

Ezra placed his hand on your back and led you down the street back the way you'd come earlier. He adjusted the backpack and then offered his arm to you once again. 

"The atmosphere seems like it'll be good for a takeoff in a few days," he said softly. "I've given it much thought, Princess. It has kept me awake at night, long into the dawn's early hours. But I've made my decision."

"And what decision might that be?" you asked, biting back the tears that stung your eyes. 

"I," he said, his voice catching. "I would like to escort you home. Personally. I would feel much better seeing you safe in your fancy garden rather than sending you off into the darkness of space alone."

You looked over, waiting for him to say something else. He wanted to see you home instead of just waving you off from his front door? The thought comforted you. It felt like he truly cared for your emotions, though forcing him to travel back to Muir alone felt wrong.

"It's a long trip, Ezra," you said softly. "I couldn't ask for you to do that for us, not after all you've done already."

He shook his head. "For my own sake and peace of mind, Princess, I insist. Let me do you and your children this one final courtesy. Besides, Central isn't too far off. I could drop in on Cee, keep her company for a few days."

It seemed as though he'd made up his mind. Besides, the children might enjoy the trip home a little more if Ezra came along. 

In the back of your mind, you still heard their remark on how they almost had a father. It broke your heart to be unable to give them what they wanted. They'd never asked for anything before like they had done with this.

"Of course, Ezra," you said softly. "Thank you. Truly. Thank you for everything."

You sat in the garden, watching the children play. And every day that passed, you almost began to dread leaving. Ezra had welcomed you into his home the very first moment he saw the three of you in the cantina. He saved your life and poured his heart out to you. He had begun to feel like home.

You picked a rather vibrant pink day bloom as it bowed under its own weight beside you. It smelled absolutely lovely and you smiled as you ran your fingers over the petals. You opened the poetry book to the one Ezra had recited to you - Sonnet 116, written over seven hundred years ago by a man named Shakespeare. It seemed a fitting home for the flower, tucked safely between its pages.

"Princess," Ezra called as he approached you from behind. There was an urgency in his voice that you only remember hearing when you'd fallen into the river. Something was bothering him. He was covered in dirt and sweat from his morning chores, but you were sure he'd never looked better. "A word, if you would be so kind? I won't take up too much of your time, I know you have to start getting ready to depart soon."

"Is something the matter?" you asked softly. Ever since Ezra had poured his heart out to you, it almost felt like he had pulled away. It made you feel like you'd done some wrong. Maybe you had, by not expressing just how deeply you cared for him. You wanted to tell him at least a dozen times before lunch every day how much you loved him. You always hoped he knew that.

Ezra shook his head and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "No, Princess, everything is just fine. I'm just doing an awful lot of thinking, that's all. It both strains and enriches the mind."

"And what are you thinking so hard about?" you asked, setting the book in your lap. You turned, urging him to continue. 

Ezra took a deep breath and put his hand on his hip. He looked towards the sky as if he were gaining the strength for what he was about to tell you.

"Would you ever consider staying?" he asked, looking down at you. "Here. With me? You and your children?"

When you did not respond, he continued. 

"I must confess to you, Princess, that my intentions are purely selfish and I do not wish to see you go. I have gone against every instinct I have that is telling me to never let you leave. I know this planet is no place for you, but I cannot stand the thought of never seeing you again. I know that you must return home, and I wish to see to it personally that you are safe, even if it means breaking my own heart in the process."

You stared up at him, mouth agape in shock. Ezra had essentially confessed his love for you in the most beautiful way possible. You quickly scrambled to your feet, wanting nothing more than to pull him close and never let go. But you knew that you couldn't. You needed to go home, if for nothing else than to fulfill the duties bestowed upon you before you were even born.

"Oh, Ezra," you whispered, your voice thick with tears. "I want to. It would make me so happy, but I just-- I can't do it. My mother, my grandmother. They would be so upset if I never came home."

He cupped your cheek in his hand and smiled sadly. He brushed his thumb along your cheekbone and pressed his forehead against yours.

"This really is no place for your family anyway," he said softly. "And you deserve better than an old prospector like myself. Someday, I think, somewhere in time, we will meet again. Come on, I'll clean myself up and load your things into the ship. Gather your flock, Princess. One last time."

You started to protest but he shook his head. He pressed a kiss to your cheek and smiled. "It'll be alright. Don't worry. Better to do this now than keep prolonging our goodbyes."

A few hours later, you were strapping the children into flight seats on the modified pod that Charlie had built. It seemed surreal. When you first left home, you were frantically buckling their seat belts, looking over your shoulder, waiting for someone to come through the door and kill you. This time though, instead of looking scared, your children looked sad.

You didn't want to show the children you were sad too. It didn't feel right, leaving the farm. But you knew what you had to do. You had to go back to your mother and grandmother. 

"Mama?" Marie mumbled sadly. "Are we going home for real?" She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and held tightly to her seat belt. When you nodded, she began to cry softly. 

"Can we come back someday?" Henry asked. 

"Can we, mama?" Aiden chirped. "Please?"

"I'm sure we will," you soothed, pressing kisses to each of their foreheads.

You made sure everything was secure in the bins overhead and underfoot before you double checked the flight book. Ezra had already assured you many times he'd be there to ensure a safe flight and landing, but you couldn't shake the nervous feeling in your belly that something was going to go wrong.

Ezra climbed aboard just as you were securing the final bin below your seat, calling his greetings to Juanita and Marta. They had promised to watch the animals while Ezra was away and he couldn't pass up the offer. 

"Are you ready?" he asked, holding his hand out to you. He helped you to your seat and smiled sadly. "I'll make sure you are safe, Princess, don't worry."

You nodded and strapped yourself in as Ezra slid into the pilot's chair. He glanced around at the children and then at you before flipping the switches to power the ship on. 

You reached over to hold Marie's hand as the ship rumbled to life. She hugged her stuffed dog to her chest and closed her eyes. A little whine squeaked out when you felt the ship lift off the ground and you squeezed her hand to comfort her.

Aiden and Henry held each other's hands and Aiden reached for your free hand. They all seemed so small strapped into the flight seats. So small, yet they'd grown so much since you had arrived on Muir. You wondered what your grandmother and mother would say about them. And about how you changed as well. 

You certainly had more muscle than when you first showed up, scared and stumbling into the Libertalia. You had helped out on the little farm, lifting and raking where Ezra needed assistance. The weight you still carried from having your children still sat at your hips, though your dresses were now looser and more ill-fitting. Perhaps the most notable change, to yourself anyway, was your smile. You smiled far more often than you used to. It felt good. And it was all thanks to Ezra.

You glanced over at him as he piloted the ship out into the vast emptiness of space. He looked back at you in the little mirror that had been taped to the comm piece and smiled sadly. 

If you were being completely honest with yourself, you were apprehensive about going back to the palace. Something didn't feel right about the situation with Edgar and you hoped to talk to your mother immediately to alert her to what had happened. With any luck, you would be able to find a guard to fetch them as soon as you arrived.

Nearly a full cycle later, you woke from a twilight sleep as the ship rumbled and shook violently. The boys were already awake and watching Ezra with rapt attention. Marie was the only one still asleep now, her little head tucked against her chest, stuffed dog held loosely in one hand.

"Hang on, boys," Ezra urged as he flipped a few switches. The shaking stopped, but the rumbling was still enough to cause one of the overhead bins to bang open and send the contents tumbling. 

You let out a cry and braced yourself against the seat beside you as the whole ship lurched forward. Marie woke with a terrified wail, her head whipping around with the movement of the ship. 

"That was the reentry!" Ezra called back over his shoulder. "Just gotta set her down easy. Just a little more."

The entire ship bounced several times as it landed hard. It rolled over twice and finally came to rest with a deafening groan, leaving you all angled uncomfortably in your seats. The floor was slanted just enough that it would make it difficult to get out of your seats. 

Ezra unbuckled himself and slid out of the chair onto the floor. He turned to face you with a small smile. "Home at last."

You looked away, not wanting to look him in the eye. It would be too painful to say goodbye and you just wish he would leave you to find your own way back.

Ezra did his best to corral your children out of the tiny pod before he ducked back in to gather your few belongings. He had made sure you were safely out before he climbed down and jumped to the grass below.

"What do we say, children?" you asked, combing your fingers through Henry's shaggy locks. 

"Thank you, Mr. Ezra," they mumbled sadly, looking down at the ground. Aiden wiped his nose on the back of his hand and then stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Now cheer up," Ezra hummed as he took out a map. "I'm sure you'll have a big celebration for your return. You'll have the best meal you've had in months."

"Mama, do you think they'll know how to make those yummy soups we made a while ago?" Henry asked you.

"I'm sure they will, my darling," you replied with a smile. "Come along. Take your sister's hand."

Ezra hummed a short tune as he guided you all through the field, leaving the destroyed pod behind. He slung your bag over his shoulder and glanced back down at the map.

"How long do we still have to walk?" Aiden asked as he jogged ahead to keep up with Ezra. 

You sighed softly and looked around as Ezra explained to your son how to read the map. The planet had changed with the seasons since you'd been gone. It was almost springtime now. The last of the snow had finally melted away and new flowers were starting under the brown grasses at your feet. The air was still crisp but growing warmer, and for now, it still nipped at your cheeks and nose as you made your way home.

The walk to town was quiet, save for your children playing and running circles around you and Ezra. The two of you spoke quietly to one another, saying only your thanks and goodbyes. You knew how much he cared for you, and he knew how much you cared for him. You would never forget him, and it saddened you to leave him like this. Perhaps in another life, you could be with him.

It was dark by the time you reached the outskirts of town, and the moon was high in the clear, cloudless sky. The children, you found, were lagging behind and stumbling over their own feet as they grew more and more tired. 

Ezra bent to pick Marie up and she almost immediately fell asleep in his arms. He smiled fondly at her and then looked at you.

"Princess, if I may be so bold, I think it best if we hunker down for the night and continue on our journey tomorrow. It won't be too much further. I think some rest would do us good."

You looked towards the bright lights of the city center and sighed softly. It was indeed late and you supposed one more night couldn't hurt.

"Alright," you said softly. "Children, what do you think?"

The boys nodded and rubbed their eyes sleepily. It seemed as though they were the only thing keeping each other upright. 

"There's a little inn listed here on the map," Ezra said, nodding at a brightly lit two story building a few hundred feet from where you stood. "Seems as good a place to stay than any."

You smiled and nodded. One more night to spend with Ezra. It was as though Kevva was indeed looking out for you and hearing your prayers. "This will be perfect."

Ezra smiled and led the way down the path towards the little inn. He passed over Marie to your arms and set your backpack down. "I'll be right back," he said as he opened the door to the main office of the inn. He returned several minutes later with two sets of room tags and nodded to the top floor.

You set Marie down and picked up the backpack as Ezra herded the children up the stairs. You followed them and wondered how the children would get along after he left you. They would ask for him and cry when he didn't come, this much you knew. Could you disappoint them like that?

"A suite for the little flock," Ezra hummed as he unlocked the door. The children, now slightly more awake, rushed in, pushing and shoving one another to try and be first. There were two single beds and a fold out cot against the wall. Perfect for three adventurous children.

"Oh, Ez," you chuckled as the boys launched themselves onto the beds, whooping and cheering loudly. "Boys, boys! You must be quiet, other people are trying to sleep. Now, Aiden or Henry, one of you needs to let your sister have one of the beds."

"I will, mama," Henry offered quickly. "If I'm gonna be an explorer some day, I'll need to practice sleeping on a bedroll!"

You smiled and nodded. "Very good, my darling. Now say goodnight to Mr. Ezra."

One by one the children said their goodnights to him before they turned towards their beds.

"We're right next door whenever you're finished here, Princess," Ezra murmured. His touch on your back lingered long after he pulled away.

You quickly got the children tucked into their beds, explaining they were to be on their best behavior. They were not to open the door for anyone and that you were next door if they needed you. You pressed kisses to each of their cheeks before you turned the light off. 

Just before you shut the light off, you heard Aiden ask, "Mama, do you think Mr. Ezra will want to stay with us now?"

"I don't know, my love," you replied softly. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

Ezra was already on the bed when you entered your room and you were shocked to only find one large bed in your room. You would have thought Ezra would have gotten another room like the one for the children.

"This was all that was left, Princess," he hummed as if he could read your mind. "Figured the children wouldn't mind those little beds as much as we would. Besides, I thought you deserved a nice big bed to sleep in tonight. There's a little cot for me there, don't worry."

You bit your lip and looked at him, spread out and relaxed on the bed. He had kicked his boots off and the deep green of his sweater had ridden up his torso slightly to reveal a strip of tan skin.

"I think I'm going to wash up," you said quickly as you rushed towards the restroom. You kept your eyes down to avoid looking at him. He didn't need to see your blush. Ezra watched you carefully, his dark eyes never leaving you, even when you turned to shut the door.

After you washed up, you realized the backpack was still out by the door in the bedroom. There was no way to get it without Ezra seeing you. One threadbare towel the inn provided was definitely not enough.

"Ez?" you called softly when you cracked open the door. "Can you get my robe? Please?"

You heard the springs creak on the bed and Ezra appeared in front of the washroom door. He had removed his sweater at some point while you washed up and he handed it to you. His eyes never left yours as you gratefully accepted the sweater.

"Thank you," you murmured as you slipped it on over your head. You felt your cheeks heat up when Ezra did not look away.

You opened up the washroom door fully to reveal him standing before you, looking at you with a sort of reverence you had only read about. 

"I have," he said breathlessly. "In my more desperate hours, thought about this very moment. I admit that I have pictured you in a hundred different instances, but none of them compare to how you glow in this light. Like a star. My starshine."

You blushed and turned your head slightly. Your cheeks felt hot and his gaze ignited something within you that you thought had been buried long ago. A fire, burning through the night.

"Will you come to bed?" Ezra whispered as you approached him. He gently placed his hand on your waist and pulled you close.

You brushed your lips against his and nodded as you curled your fingers over his cheeks. "Yes," you breathed.

**************************

TAGLIST:

@the-feckless-wonder @gallowsjoker @phoenixhalliwell  @waatermelon-sugaar @huliabitch @miscellaneous-mando @lestrange2703 @seasonschange-butpeopledont @auandromedus

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!