#Did we unintentionally create platonic soulmates??

[notmyfatherssins]

“ the thing about never having a home, is you don’t know what to do when you’re finally given one. you just feel like you’re waiting for something to take it away again. ” // from Didi to Justin

@dxsole sent memes for that specific brand of ships (SOFTER)

He didn't know what to say.

In the dim light of his room, as Justin lifted his head from where it rested against his knees and stared, Didi's face was shrouded in shadow. Her expression and the look in her eyes were impossible for Justin to decipher, and yet he detected in both her words and her tone a sense of vulnerability that he had rarely known her to exhibit before.

Throughout time, the pair had become more... intimate, if you could call it that. Her frequent forays into his room on an evening were more social interaction than Justin had ever had at home, and so he had welcomed them with open arms. The days turned into weeks, turned into months, and, despite both his better judgement and every instinct in his body screaming at him in protest, he actually began to like Didi. He began to truly believe that what she had done for him, while terribly misjudged, might just have been one of the best things that had happened to him. She wasn't exactly a good person. Far from it. But she was a friend, and that was more than anyone had ever been to him before.

After allowing himself a moment to process her words, Justin slowly sat up, pulling himself to sit on the edge of the bed, so he could see her more clearly. He wanted to get up and cross the room to her side, to touch her hand in comfort, but he felt he had to move cautiously. He didn't want to spook her, not when she had finally allowed her walls to lower.

"I know exactly what you mean," he replied, with a slight laugh. "Because, as much as I don't want it to be true, that's kind of how I feel about this place." He paused, tilted his head, stared intently at her. "Do- do you want to talk about anything?"

[bbhyeoliskooks]

Can I request an angst where Yeonjun breaks up with you but then wants you back a few weeks later?

«❝ 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 ❞»

Yeonjun was the one to break up with you, so why does he want you back now?

➸ check part two out here !

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Pairing: Yeonjun x Reader (female)

Genre: 5 cups of angst and maybe 2 cups of fluff ?

Warnings: harassment, alcohol consumption, cussing, yeonjun is a big jerk in this :ccc, cliffhanger ending, not edited so if i make a mistake... oopsies

Song: I’ll Never Love This Way Again

(I wasn’t sure if I could do a happy ending, but you just have to find that outtt 😌😌~~ i’m so sorry that it came so late too ! i just didn��t expect there’d be tons of assignments this week??? anyway, if you want me to make a part two, of course i can ! requests are always open 🥺💓)

«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Everything was fine.

When Choi Yeonjun made the first move under your favorite spot in the whole world during the time both of you were stargazing, you felt his smile brush up against your lips as you kissed him to your heart’s content. Finally, the boy of your dreams was yours. You hadn’t thought this would be coming for a long time, but you were so happy it turned out this way instead of a permanent, platonic friendship- one that was simply excruciating whenever you saw him and his adorable, fluffy cheeks. Warm infatuation flowed through your veins making you kiss him deeper, allowing him to be in your arm’s embrace while your heart swelled in joy. This was love. 

You knew deep in your heart that everything was fine and was going to be fine, for that matter. 

Said boy gently cupped your cheek, and you melted into his touch under the glistening, white moonlight. He was so warm, you never wanted to lose that even if you gave up the entire universe to be with him. 

He was happy.

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach while you fondly gazed at his pure, bright smile, not being able to look away from his brown eyes which captivated you every single moment of the day. In a crowd of people, you were sure he’d be the one person you’d look at, and not to mention the only one. He was for you, and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. What difference was it going to make if you made it official? 

And so you were too. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured so softly he wondered if you actually heard it.

You had. 

“I love you too, Yeonjun.”

Everything was fine. 

Up until now.

Call you cheesy or anything else, but all you wanted to do for the day was drop some food off at your boyfriend’s house before going out to a few of your classes. Your boyfriend of eight months, actually. You doubted that anybody else numbered their months as an anniversary, but who was counting? It had been a while since you seen each other due to studies and exams, so you assumed that this would be the perfect time to visit him for a couple minutes while he’s having troubles on a few assignments. Easily, a couple minutes could turn into hours and you’d find yourself missing class unintentionally.

Although at the same time, spending time with your boyfriend was the best! And he’s made you smile so much these past months that you were really starting to understand why you loved him so much. Those sparkling eyes which held all the starts from the Milky Way Galaxy in them, those sweet lips which never failed to calm you down whenever your patience wore thin, and that sweet heart that protected you from all evil in the world. Point is, he was the perfect boyfriend and there wasn’t even once a time where he would hurt you! After all, you knew that he loved you so much as well. He promised he would always be right beside you, and the Choi Yeonjun never ever goes back on his promises.

Entering the house with the spare key he gave you for emergencies, you hesitated for a few seconds when you heard his voice ripple throughout the silent kitchen. Was this right? It wasn’t an emergency, but what if Yeonjun was really hungry and needed you? You could picture his pouty lips whine whenever you asked him if he wanted something to eat, and the imaginary sight made you grin with delight. Still, you were unsure if you could just budge in without his permission. Like the loving boy he is, he assured you every time that it was okay, managing to convince you in the near future which was technically now that he adored in whenever you planned a surprise visit for him.

You shut the door softly, enough for it not to create any sounds that could signal you arrived. Knowing how much Yeonjun loved when you came over by the way he kept encouraging you to come over whenever you had free time, you made sure not to make any sound in order to be the sunshine in his day. It could too much for other people, but hey! Seeing him happy because of you made the pride in your chest grow, like you were on top of the world. Just a simple visit would do, right?

“Yeah Bin, I just think they’re really clingy, don’t you agree?”

His velvety voice caused you to stand still in your spot, paralyzed as your mind was reeling with a variety of thoughts. Your excitement instantly burned down in flames, your curiosity growing as you slowly inched around the familiar kitchen. Luckily you weren’t noticed, albeit that was good since you didn’t have the desire to be seen anyway. Who was he talking about? Could it be someone you know?

“Nowadays, I don’t see them as much, and I’m so happy I don’t. Like, who would want to come home to that thing? If we lived together, I sure as hell know that I wouldn’t be able to stand a minute with them, if not much more than a second.”

The pounding in your chest grew faster with every single second that passed, for if he caught you, you knew that he would be extremely disappointed. As a couple, it was important to trust each other, and especially when one of them needed their privacy. But the wonder of who it was was far stronger, overpowering the fear of being caught. Yeonjun would definitely hate you for this if he ever found out, but that didn’t mean he had to know. You felt like you were doing something by listening to him, an impending feeling in your gut which only signaled trouble.

“I think I’m getting tired of them. All they do is wear my clothes when they know they have their own and cry to me about their problems every single night. They’re always like this and that, making you do things that you don’t want to do. It’s really annoying, you don’t understand,” he added as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Your heart sunk to the ground, shattering into a million yet heavy pieces once you registered who they were talking about. 

It was you.

Yeonjun chuckled at your newfound misery, not acknowledging you were there as he traced his finger over the marble counter. “And don’t you try to defend them, Soobin. I know you guys are good friends, but if you dated them then you would really know how stupid they are. To be honest, their problems turn out that way just because they’re such an idiot. Who knew I would be stuck with a dimwit like them?!” 

He burst into laughter, but you heard nothing from the other line. Internally, you thanked Soobin for not finding humor out of the situation, but there was a bitter taste in your mouth as you heard him tell more and more about what he hated about you.

Was it that easy to say?

Too tired to hear the rest, you gently shut the door, leaving as soon as he made another joke about your affection. The bag of food clanked against the porch loudly, causing the shutter of the windows to flicker inside the house but you didn’t care anymore if he came out to see you like this. He said you were pathetic, and that’s what you are. If you can’t even do one thing, then why even try due to the fact that you aren’t good enough for him? Your eyes were betraying your will now, welling up with tears of disappointment in yourself. You should’ve known, you should’ve known! Look what happens when you depend on people too much, this is all your fault!

You went home like a fool with your stunned voice not permitting you to say anything about what you heard from him. Maybe if you just endured it a bit more, he would come to realize that you were only doing what you did since you loved him with all your heart. This couldn’t be your boyfriend, perhaps he was stressed with all of the exams they’re giving. This wasn’t him, it just couldn’t! How could he say all of that? 

He was for you, and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. That was that. 

Certainly everything was going to be okay... right?

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Just like Yeonjun wanted, you did everything in your power to make sure that he was comfortable with his own space. You placed the stolen clothes you loved to wear whenever you missed him during the time you knew he wasn’t home because of dragged out classes. You didn’t text or call him as much, knowing that he would probably get annoyed if you bothered him too many times to count on both hands. You didn’t plan surprise visits anymore when you had the time, choosing to coop yourself in your bedroom as you waited for him to say something- to say anything. 

Maybe he would actually come talk to you, right? It’s been almost three weeks since you’ve seen each other. Maybe he would notice the missing piece in his life which was you, right? He always told you he adored whenever you called him your soulmate, as cheesy as it is. Maybe he would at least explain why he’s being like this, right? He strove to do the right things in your relationship even if it cost him his pride. It was because he loved you. 

That’s what you thought. 

He didn’t, and you were left shattered in pieces. Disappointment clouded your heart as you thought well of him, the hope in your chest gradually becoming less and less each day for the time the two of you did not speak. Instantaneously, you felt terrible about yourself, understanding why he thought of you to be so clingy that it was almost suffocating.

All the while, that ended up with the two of you getting even more further apart.

You hated it, but what hurt the most was that you weren’t sure if he cared about you anymore. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

“Hey babe, can we talk today? I need to tell you something, so meet me up at Moonlight.”

When Yeonjun asked you to meet up with him at your favorite spot, the one you both deemed to be your place, you were absolutely thrilled to see him. It was nearing four weeks since you haven’t seen each other which was quite surprising to you; you never knew how well you could hold up without him in the first place. Moonlight was the code name for the place you both ended up confessing to each other since it was incredibly vivid in your hazy memory. You couldn’t help but remember Yeonjun’s bright smile directed towards you when you mentioned the name. 

Jittery, you made sure to put on the perfume he gifted you on your first month anniversary, spraying it just enough so that it wouldn’t overwhelm him. It was no wonder that you wanted to look your best for him, for perhaps he would finally tell you that he loved you again! You’ve been waiting for that day since forever, patience becoming frayed from the anticipation that consumed you every single day.

Your nerves were practically a scrambling mess as you walked yourself there, hoping that everything with Yeonjun was doing well. Gosh, you missed his fluffy cheeks so much and his cuddles you swore you were going to go crazy. His scent was no longer on your pillows and you had to admit that you really missed it. But really, this was a good sign! You knew that everything was going to be fine, just fine. He was going to be right by your side, right by your side where he would stay but why was this gut feeling in your fluttering stomach trying to convince you differently? 

When you arrived there, heart thumping as you watched his head peek up instead of staring at the ground, you suddenly felt your eyes gather up with tears. It was pathetic to cry in front of him, but you missed him so much that just seeing him made your whole world feel complete. As always, he looked perfect when his eyes found yours, looking you up and down and staring to see if you’ve changed one bit.

You waved at him shyly, words becoming stuck in your throat as you took in his beauty that never failed to amaze you. A smile struck your lips, stepping towards him with bravery even if you were scared you were doing something wrong. He wasn’t smiling like usual, so maybe something happened in his personal life? You wanted to be there for him through times like these. However, all you had to do now was hope for the best once he spoke up.

“Y/N, I...”

His voice faltered when he stared at your gentle expression, unable to find the courage in what he was going to say.

How was he going to break it to you?

“Yeonjun,” you stated simply, raising an eyebrow at why he was so vulnerable all of a sudden. His breath became heavy when you mentioned his name but he remained strong, standing as tall as he could to finally say-

“Y/N, I’m breaking up with you.”

... What?

He’s breaking up with you?

You couldn’t comprehend what he was saying, all the words going through one ear and out the other.

There was no way. There was no way he was breaking up with you. You were for him and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. There’s no reason why he would be leaving you right now, he just couldn’t do that!

He sighed, shaking his head at your dumbfound expression. “I just... I just I don’t think we’re right for each other. We don’t have any interest talking to each other anymore, and you know how easy it is to give up, right? That’s what we should do, and I know you’ll definitely find someone else.”

You still weren’t able to say anything, shock taking over you as your eyebrows furrowed and tensed up. Since when was he like this? He said he never gives up on anything, so why is he giving up on you now?

“You’re a great person and all, but I have to break up with you, alright?” His velvet voice which you swore loved you just as much made every single hope and dream die in your soul, the words he said breaking your poor heart even further. 

You couldn’t possibly understand- you just couldn’t!

He was for you and you were for him. He loved you, and you loved him. It’d always been like that! You kept repeating over and over again in your head, trying to convince yourself that this was a bad dream that you needed to wake up from. 

He didn’t say anything else, the sudden silence deafening your ears as you did your best to conjure up something to say. 

“B-but why...?”

But why? All the sympathy from before drained from his heart once he heard those words and he couldn’t contain himself, chuckling at your misconception. Why couldn’t you get it through your thick head that he was being the right one here? It was the hard truth, you needed to realize that like he did. 

“You can’t be serious, can you? It isn’t that hard to understand, I’m just saying that we should break up once and for all,” the boy muttered under his breath.

Was it that easy to say? Was it that easy to break someone you loved? Was it that easy to hurt someone you thought the world of? 

The anger built up from weeks before rushed in you and you charged up to him, punching him in the chest with all you had to give. It was too weak to feel anything, honestly. He couldn’t help but smirk at your fragility.

“Yeonjun, how could you do this?!” You heaved, voice becoming stronger without realizing it. You threw another punch, strength failing you over and over again. “I gave everything to you!” You hit him again. “I did everything in my power just so that you’d be happy!” You hit him again. “I went against my own heart in trying not to contact you as you’d like, but it all came down to this?” He watched tears one by one trickle down your cheeks as your voice thinned with hopelessness, but he just wasn’t able to feel anything. 

“You just weren’t good enough.”

It was like that one phrase set you off, and you clung to him like a fool, taking his freezing hands into yours while the atmosphere became thick with tension. Perhaps if you could’ve done something from the past the way he liked it, he wouldn’t leave you. Perhaps if you just worked on yourself and your appearance a bit more, he would actually find something to love. Perhaps if you just tried harder, everything would be fine. But why? Why had all your efforts gone to waste just like this? 

“What can I do then? What can I do to make you love me again? Tell me, please! I want to fix everything, I have to fix what we have!” You gripped his shirt as hard as you could, your knuckles turning white from how hard you were doing so. His scent which gave you euphoria every time you sensed he was near had now turned sour, making your stomach churn with dead, exhausted butterflies you weren’t sure how to clean up. 

There was no remorse in Yeonjun’s heart as he stared down at you, combing his fingers through his hair in frustration. This was much harder than what he had assumed, but you’d eventually move on, right? He honestly couldn’t say that he cared, and it was a bit funny to see how desperate you were. 

“I don’t love you anymore, Y/N, get over it,” he said before pushing you away towards the tree you used to have dates under. 

You then stumbled on your feet, almost falling over due to dizziness which numbed your senses. The thorny-like bark of the tree slit a few cuts on your arm, making you groan with tears in your eyes. You searched frantically to where he could be, eyes easily falling upon his body, where every single second you witnessed became excruciating both physically and mentally. Your chest twisted with unbearable agony while you watched him leave, walking out of your life as if it was the easiest thing to do. The splinters dug against the flesh of your skin, but you couldn’t care less. He was leaving. He was leaving, and you were just allowing it to happen. 

“Yeonjun, please don’t do this to me!”

You hoped he would hear you.

“I know it’s all my fault, but please don’t leave me!”

You hoped he would just listen. 

“I want you to stay, Yeonjun! Please!”

You hoped he would know how much you loved him so much to the point where you would die without him.

“Yeonjun, I still love you!”

But it didn’t work. 

“Please...” You reached out to him in desperation that he would come back, but the once familiar figure slowly but surely left your life, taking your torn heart without giving you one, last glance.

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

To say you were a wreck was an understatement.

If an absolute pathetic mess who didn’t take care of their hygiene as they laid in bed all day, going through several tubs of ice cream was enough to say that you were a wreck, then that was it. But clearly, that in itself was not good enough just like what he said. You were terrible, clearly in shambles after what he had said to you. Faults upon faults kept piling upon the bitter taste of your tongue no matter how much you tried to distract yourself by doing the things you loved. In this situation, it seemed that hobbies didn’t work at all. The things you did had no purpose without him. It would only come out as second best, and you could even say this was the worst you’ve ever done them. All of it came down because of the breakup. How could you live without the boy who made you so happy every single day?!

So in turn, it had to be your fault for doing this. It had to be your fault because you tried so hard and yet it just wasn’t good enough. You caught yourself thinking that if you just changed yourself a little, maybe then everything could be different, and the two of you could be happy in love like always. That only weighed on your heart because you knew you were such a fool for him, hopelessly devoted for something that would never come. 

Plus, it was bad enough that no one cared about you so much to even look after your well-being even if you felt terrible about getting help. Showing sympathy was the worst option ever since it only reminded you of how your ex would shower you with love and affection whenever something abominable happened to your heart. Looks like that wouldn’t happen now. 

Soobin tried calling you a lot after he heard that Yeonjun broke up with you, but you didn’t give him any chance to talk to you. If he did, then you would burst into tears at his voice saying something along the lines of the words, ‘are you okay?’ Obviously, you wouldn’t be able to handle it if he saw you like this- like a sobbing mess that no one else could ever love. 

A day passed of watching shows you used to love, and that didn’t work either. No spark of light passed your eyes while you gazed upon the screen you and Yeonjun used to share, laughing about your favorite characters who you would give the world to but were honestly too stupid to realize that they caused the problem in the first place. You weren’t able to help the tears that gathered up like puddles in your eyes when you saw Yeonjun’s favorite character, the one he adored all the time whenever you two watched tv together. 

Every single place you looked at, it would only remind you of him. The couch where you two would cuddle all the time, and the one where Yeonjun slept on if you forced him out. Sometimes when you both were having a bad day, some things would lead up to another with shouting and angry eyebrows due to the cause of each other. Although that would be solved in no time and more times than necessary, you would find yourself sleeping on top of his chest so he’d wake up to you apologizing to him. With lots of soft kisses too! He said he loved you, and that was that. You loved him too.

Really, you couldn’t go a day without him so why was it so different now? What happened to the loving boyfriend Yeonjun used to be?

Just a day after he broke up with you, you found your spare key you gave to him right in front of your house, waiting expectantly for you to pick it up as if it was nothing special. Just the sight of it was enough to bring you tears and you threw it over the streets as if it was nothing. It didn’t get very much far though, but the only thing your mind screamed about was Choi Yeonjun this, Choi Yeonjun that, Choi Yeonjun every-single-where. If it was something from him, you wanted nothing to do with it! Except maybe his sweaters and pillows that still had the scent of him, yeah. 

It would be strange if someone found it right on the black pavement your driveway, huh? And definitely used it to unlock your house in the wee hours of the night. Wait! And not even bothering to knock on the door before coming inside with the key that they found too. That would be totally strange...

It seemed the idea got to Soobin when he showed up to your house without you knowing, being smart enough to use the key to open the door. You awoke to his gentle voice luring you out of bed at like two in the morning, apparently just checking up to see if you were okay. Once hearing that, you sobbed onto his white sweatshirt, pretty much feeling bad that you wrecked both his mood to the max and his poor sweater that was victim to both your spit and tears. 

A bleak outcome became of this even if he assured you so many times that it was okay. His shoulder and shirt in the upcoming days were your soggy tissues for the moments where you cried, but that gave you much ranting to let out anyway. Soobin couldn’t believe his very own best friend had the audacity to do this, but it wasn’t his business to do anything but help. He didn’t mention anything to Yeonjun who laughed about your ashamed expression when he listed the reasons to your shortcomings, though it wasn’t like he cared enough about him to see for the time being. He didn’t tell you either, for he didn’t know how you’d react. What he knew mostly was that you were busy cursing Yeonjun and his perfect, white smile that still very much caused flutters to your heart.

Little did you know that Soobin’s everlasting, sweet kindness would get you somewhere farther than what you could’ve ever expected; even if it meant eating tubs of ice cream just to make yourself feel better.

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Time goes too fast for your brain to comprehend. 

It’s been... almost one month since that very day.

That very day where Yeonjun broke up with you, marking it a month anniversary of where the love of your life crushed your entire being. That very day where you promised yourself you wouldn’t ever love again. That very day where you realized what the true meaning of what love really is.

So far, you haven’t heard about Yeonjun. Soobin didn’t tell you anything- which you were thankful for- otherwise you would’ve had a mental breakdown about his fluffy cheekies or the bright smile you so longed to have back. Likewise, he said he didn’t mention anything about you to Yeonjun, but you knew the boy was doing well without you. It’s been a long, rough month and you were obviously itching to move on, but that was what broke you the most. 

You did your best to avoid him. You ripped every single photo you had of him in your albums although it caused you so much pain, you burned every single sweater you still had left in your closet for safekeeping, you threw all of the anniversary gifts he gave you- even the promise ring so that you wouldn’t go insane. Even you were surprised at how much you could do by yourself in trying to move on. And little by little, you could tell it was working. Soobin was proud. 

In classes that you were with him, you made sure to sit at the end of the room so that he wouldn’t dare to notice you. Sometimes you’d find yourself staring at him whenever the teacher droned on and on, but luckily you got back into the lesson by engaging yourself by drawing in a few of your old notes to study from. The long hallways were crowded with tons of people, so there’s no way he’d see you too! You made sure of that. At lunch, you instead went to restaurants to waste some time until the next period started again. You made sure everything was perfect. You did everything in your power not to see him. 

Passing period was just for a while, and you met up with Soobin who seemed to be a mess with his black hair all over his eyes. You bit back laughter at his ignorance. 

“Thank you so much for helping me Soobin,” grinning, you passing him some bread from your lunch bag that you knew he would like. He accepted it generously, gnawing down on it as he shot you one of those eye smiles he knew you were weak for. 

"Of course! You’re my friend, why wouldn’t I help you? Also this bread is much more yummy than Yeonjun’s cook-” speaking of the devil, you caught sight of the boy with blue hair (something you admired as you stared at him) who was walking in your direction. His head was turned to the side as he laughed with his friend, but that laughter was enough to shatter your heart all over again

Grabbing Soobin, you pulled him out to the other hall where luckily Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to see you two if he didn’t go there. You hoped he wouldn’t. He would see how you weren’t over him yet! One of you, you couldn’t discriminate between them, sighed. Your heart was thumping way too loudly in your chest in which you were sure anybody could hear it and you teared up, laying a shaking hand over your chest. That was a close one. That was so close, he could’ve seen you like this- like such a mess who wasn’t good enough. 

“It’s because you saw Yeonjun, right?” Soobin’s hands gripped your arms as you suddenly felt overwhelmed with dizziness. What happened to your posture and your stature? You shook horribly, nodding your head at his words. Again, there was a bitter taste in your mouth as you avoided Soobin’s eyes. He must’ve been disappointed in you, but you just couldn’t do it. 

“Yeah. I saw him again, and he could’ve seen me,” you spoke softly only he could hear it, clear tears of agony becoming one puddle onto the hard ground. 

You weren’t sure if you could handle seeing him. You couldn’t allow yourself to after how hard you’ve been working. 

Soobin just pursed his lips, pulling you in for another embrace of his. He doesn’t mind giving them to you whenever you needed it, and seeing you like this hurt him just as much as it did when you saw Yeonjun. Nonetheless, you were surprised at his manner despite the sadness that clouded your vision. You were expecting him to reprimand you since you were doing so well and this could be the next big step, but he didn’t. You knew that was only because he was only worried for you anyway.

What you didn’t know was that when Yeonjun turned the halls to see the two of you holding each other in the dark while you did your best not to make any sounds, he glared at Soobin who found him in the corner of his eye. In response, he furrowed his eyebrows back to him, laying his chin comfortably on top of the head as if it was what he always did. They both stood there for a few moments as your chest heaved up and down with heart-wrenching sounds of hiccups that echoed through the hallway, but not one of them dared to move moved. Yeonjun then shook his head, turning away as his loud, mocking steps were practically silent to you who sobbed on the one you knew you depended too much on. Soobin noticed that his annoyed expression was brimming with green, monstrous jealousy, obviously at the sight. But he didn’t want to tell you.  

You didn’t stop yourself from crying until the soothing voice above reminded you that it was finally time for your next class. Pulling yourself together was the hardest thing to do in that moment as your stomach coiled with a churning spin. You wanted to throw up as regret bubbled in your fake smile. How would you ever move on if Soobin didn’t feel the need to help you?

Future you would’ve definitely gave her everything just to tell you that Soobin’s help failed. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

Was it too early to say that you totally regretted coming here in the first place with Soobin?

All these people dancing upon each other and making out in whatever they could find weren’t your thing. Every place your eyes landed upon was something you definitely needed the eye bleach for, it was too disgusting for you to even glance at once in a while. It could be the drinks that are making people like this, but where was their modesty? You wanted to choke from how much they shoved it in your face that they were happy. That’s also due to the fact that they made you feel extremely single as well, but not the point! 

Instead you were standing near the “punch” table, staring down at your drink since it was so much better to look at instead of people eating their faces out. Some of the boys tried to get you notice them, but you paid no mind to them. No amount of catcalls about what you chose to wore or the seductive snickers they sent your way could pull you out from your trance of the hypnotizing cup. None of them were as cute as your standards anyway... which was still Yeonjun. 

A cup wouldn’t hurt tonight. Just one cup would be fine, wouldn’t it? You winced at the taste, nose scrunching up with disgust when you downed it again. It was hasty to put some more in the cup while you poured the most you’d ever done before, taking no time to repeat the same action. You knew that in a couple of minutes- hours or so, you’d probably end up drunk and alone on the dance floor, but who cares. No but seriously, who cares? Not even yourself, so maybe once you could actually find a distraction which, or for that matter, who makes you feel better. 

One cup.

Two cups. 

Some things led to another and what surrounded you became blurry, hazy, and too raggedy to make sense of.

You weren’t expecting to hear a familiar voice from out the corner send shivers down your back, prodding at your heart as you almost spit back your drink into the same cup. 

It was in no doubt, him.

A lump appeared in your throat, making you choke on your own spit. Soobin lied, that rat lied to you! Was it on purpose or that he really didn’t know? You sure had to give it back to him by socking him in the stomach once you made eye contact with him. Otherwise they were having a date here, but you knew Yeonjun well enough that he wouldn’t do this from your past experiences. 

However, that wasn’t the point! You got back to your surroundings, taking sneaky glances at who you’d been dreading to see this whole month. 

“Please, no! It can’t be him!” You whisper-shouted to no one, holding your breath as the same scent with the same voice inched closer to you in slow steps. It passed through your nose, making your stomach churn with anxiety as you heard his *feet draw nearer and nearer and nearer to you. You could feel the breath in your lungs depleting as your eyes widened with fear, too paralyzed in your spot to move away. Was he going to hurt you even more now? 

Move, please! Just move your legs and leave!

“Y/N, baby...? Please tell me that’s you,” Yeonjun gently called, getting closer with slow stomps and an aching heart in mind. He took in your bored facial features, the thumping in his ears getting louder and louder as seconds passed. It had been a while since he clearly took a look at you; in response, his mind clearly blowing over with a thousand questions per minute. This had to be an illusion, tricking him that it wasn’t the you he was searching for this entire time. Maybe he was drunk, but it just couldn’t be something that wasn’t there! Who else could it be other than the one person he’d been pining for, for a month?

It was you, the only person he’d ever loved. 

The word baby pricked your ear, and you turned to the side to see Yeonjun with tears in his eyes. They were sparkling from the lights all over the house where you could clearly see them, and you cringed, looking away from him. What a sight you didn’t ever want to see for the rest of your life. It only made things worse, obviously! This urge of wanting to baby him while asking him had to be suppressed or else you wouldn’t know what would happen. You were doing so well. You couldn’t give up now. 

“Y/N? Why are you here? I thought you’d be home studying like you always do,” the boy muttered, his eyes focused on your every action as if you’d disappear any second. He was right, you completely wanted to disappear from his sight. Still, you didn’t want to look back at him in fear that your streak would end in a demise. 

“Nothing, and it’s none of your business anyway. Please, leave me alone.”

He only shook his head at this- or what you assumed from the peripheral vision of your eyes- and jerked a thumb at the red solo cup you were holding. You decided to gaze at it intently like you had been doing this whole time, bringing it up to your lips when he shouted something right in your ear. It was quite different than what he was murmuring earlier, and you almost dropped the cup from your already shaking hands. 

“Y/N, stop drinking! I told you it wasn’t good for you, don’t you remember?”

Yeah, but that was back then. 

You shakily sighed, clenching your eyes shut. If you wouldn’t allow yourself to look at him, then let’s not do any of this at all. A headache would soon become of this, if his nagging voice kept annoying you any longer. 

“It’s an acquired taste, you idiot. Just leave me alo-”

"Please, listen to me,” he cut in, easily begging in favor of you. Too curious to hear what his request was, you didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know how to start this off but... I know I’ll never love this way again, just like I do to you. Y/N, can’t you see?! I’m dying without you.” He moved closer to you and you looked down at the floor, too shaken up to say anything. His breath was near enough that you could feel it right against your forehead while he looked directly at you with piercing eyes. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, the words of help stuck in your throat as your poor heart hammered in your poor, wrenching chest. 

He then held out his arm towards you, one so desperate you felt it through his heart that he wanted to let you hold on. You looked away from that too, not wanting the urge of finally seeing him to enrapture you like always. 

“There’s no one else who can ever replace you. It’s me for you and you for me like we’ve always said... can’t you see it too?” His words were too affectionate to get away from now. What was this warm feeling you received upon hearing that? Gulping nervously, the last part of his words resonating in your mind before he drew one, last breath. 

“I need you,” he delicately whispered.

There must’ve been glue beneath you, for you were trapped in that claustrophobic spot in the corner. Of all the words he could say, he just had to hit you right in the chest where everything ached... Suddenly, it had become so silent you could hear a pin drop. Your ears had to be tricking you. There was no way Yeonjun could ever say that to you, after all the things he did to you a month ago. He had to remember that, right?! You can’t go back to him no matter what he says! He doesn’t love you. He never did. 

“I’m leaving. Have the cup if you want it,” you shoved it into his hands and right off the bat, he dropped it like it was nothing. A deep, permeating frown was on his face and he grabbed your hands with his warm ones, holding it as if it was the only thing he ever wanted to do. His thumb stroked the top of yours, clinging on tightly in desperation as if begging you to spare one more glance at him before this love was somewhat forbidden, somewhat over.

“Y/N, I know I messed up pretty bad, but please. Please, be safe out there. I won’t hold you back anymore. Tell me to take you home, and I’ll do it. I need you, just please,” He held onto your hand, his fingers tightly wound with yours and your eyes widened. Why did he have to sound so genuine? 

“Have a good night, Yeonjun,” you glanced at him for the first and last time to see a glistening tear run down his cheek. He was the same. Yeonjun was the same. All the way to his forehead and lips, he was just Yeonjun. His messy, blue hair was still just as charming as your eyes ran through it. His lips were like you left them, and you could do anything just to show him how much you adored them again. His pure eyes were still like the last time you saw them, innocent and sweet like it held no true matter of what the world was like out there. 

It broke you just as much as the last time you saw him. He and you were finally meeting each others’ eyes, but not in a way you ever expected. You wanted to be free from him by the time you saw him again, so that he’d realize you were doing well without him even if the case was far from that.

And you wanted to say that it was what he deserved but why in the hell was your heart saying so much differently?! 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

By the time you got out of where Yeonjun currently was, you could feel yourself losing breath even if you hadn’t walked very far. It was true that you walked as best as you could because the legs which carried you across the dance floor simply felt like dancing jelly; all the while you kept cursing yourself internally for even making a dry conversation with him. 

The air felt tense now. You felt as if you could no longer relax inside that same house for any longer. Soobin wasn’t anywhere to be found, but you didn’t truly search for him in the first place because this was one night where you wanted to enjoy yourself for a little while. 

Maybe some drinking would help it like it had done earlier. You wouldn’t have to worry anymore about Yeonjun if you just changed your mindset due to the drinks! Wobbling, you gripped onto one of the cups that distinctly wasn’t yours and took a few swigs out of it, hoping it would help ease your nerves. 

Three cups. His smiling face appeared in the cup, and you winced at the bitter taste. Why were you torturing yourself with this bitterness? 

Four cups. Well, looks like you were okay, you guessed. 

Some things led to another and here you were. At the dance floor where you were swaying to the music the dj put on whether it was romantic or made to have a blast.

Throwing your hands up to the sky like all the other people were doing, you realized you were having so much fun- for a couple of minutes or even a couple of hours, you weren’t sure- until two, sly hands gripped at your waist. You instantly cowered away with widened eyes, backing away from instinct when they forcibly pulled you back in. 

“Hey, sweet cakes,” they slurred quietly, their breath repulsed with beer mixing in with the tacky scent of cologne they chose. You immediately noted that it was a male’s voice, scrunching your nose up at the rudeness he plainly owned. The audacity he had to come up to you like this instead of introducing himself with a tender voice. And a pet name straight off too?! Give you a break. 

It made you think about how Yeonjun always treated you nicely, naturally acting like a gentleman whose kindness made your heart swell with love.

“Hey, asshole, could you leave me alone?” Despite the fear rushing through your veins, you made sure to stand firm like everything was okay. Sooner or later, he had to get the hint. And if not... you glanced at your heels, then catching a look at his crotch. But we could say that was only Plan B if nothing else worked out. 

He chuckled at what you assumed to be your insolence, a cocky grin crossing his attractive and confident face that only made you want to throw up. 

“Aw, don’t be like that! I saw you dancing right across the room and I knew I had to get a piece of that,” he muttered, getting closer to you by each step. You couldn’t help but groan at his terrible advances towards you. 

“Well, I don’t care. Leave me alone, please.”

The man sighed, rolling his eyes at your words. You hoped that with that action it meant he was finally leaving you alone, giving you the peace you so hopelessly needed after the whiplash that took place with your ex. But he only got close to you, an uneasy grimace taking place instead of the pretentious, arrogant grin from before. Your stomach bubbled with anxiety this time, not feeling much too comfortable in the moment to dance again.

“Help! Someone, please!” No matter how much you kicked at the bottom area of his body (and missing them completely since your aim terribly sucked when you became drunk), he wouldn’t budge to your surprise. You tried squirming away due to the resistance of being a damsel in distress like every saving person needed to be, but the man would clearly not move with all your efforts! 

He puckered lips swiftly while you hurriedly tried to move away with the best of your abilities. You were sure as hell you couldn’t get out of there even if you used all the strength that was left in your body. With the wall pressed up against your back and the looming arms that trapped you in, there was no way you could leave without pleasing him. He was getting way too close for comfort and you closed your eyes shut, no longer feeling the courage to shout at anyone through the blasting music. 

“Now, how about you give me a kiss from those pretty-”

“she said leave her alone, you asshole!” 

In one, sweeping moment which had you off your feet, you felt someone’s back brush against your front while you squealed with a deadening fright. At the very last bit of being harassed, you never would’ve expected to be saved by the one and only who you thought was never going to come back. Hastily you opened your eyes, only to see Yeonjun whose chest was heaving up and down from how fast he ran just to protect you.

“Leave her alone or else I’ll be forced to do something much worse- something more horrendous than you could ever imagine.”

Seeing how tall Yeonjun was in comparison to him, he muttered something under his breath before moving along to another direction. And just like that, he was gone. Gone to another place where you hoped never to see him again to bother either of you.

You internally thanked the heavens, eyes tearing up from how grateful you were to not have been physically attacked. 

Yeonjun speedily turned back to you, his face blooming into a worrisome expression. Lips forming into a pout, he cradled your cheek, checking everything from your face to your arms which were shaking terribly in order to be sure you were unscathed. 

Even if you hated him so much at the moment, even if you thought he was a dreadful person for hurting you, even if what he was doing could be because it was the right thing to do and not because he loved you, this was the Yeonjun who you fell in love with in the first place. He was right in front of you again and no matter how much you wanted to back away from him, you couldn’t deny that he was your precious knight in shining armor. 

“Yeonjun, thank you- I’m scare...” Your brain wasn’t able to form a comprehensive sentence, words jumbled together to create a nonsensical grumble you were sure he couldn’t understand. He just cooed at you softly, taking you into his warm arms which felt just as cozy as his sweet heart. Your face subconsciously buried upon his chest, nuzzling into it as he gently patted the top of your head. 

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m right here. There’s no need to worry. I’m right here, and I’ll always be right here.” His hug this time was made for you, and you happily sighed with a newfound relief. Tighter, you clung onto him, hoping he didn’t mind. A part of you knew that he didn’t care because he kept pressing those soft kisses he knew you adored onto the crown of your head. 

Your brain was yelling at you that this was wrong, he could be toying with your heart again, but everything felt so right. Your heart wasn’t corresponding to your mind, telling you something the sober you wouldn’t be able to understand. 

You were safe at last. 

The both of you stayed like that for a few minutes with you sniffling into his embrace before he lightly rubbed your shoulder. 

“Come on, baby, let’s go home to make you calm down,” he took your hand into his tenderly, treating it with the utmost respect. After all, it was what you deserved after all of that trauma. 

All the way he made sure you were alright strolling beside him, protecting you like the world depended on it. His scent was too addictive and you followed him, holding his hand tightly while a soft smile became of his face. 

Before you knew it, his steps led you to his house. 

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

“Yeonjun, stop! You know I’m-” you erupted with an intermittent series of laughter, giggling over and over again whenever his fingers accidentally traced against your stomach. He was busy carrying you to wherever he was taking you, whining about how you didn’t deserve less from sleeping on somewhere comfortable. 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” he giggled along with you, nuzzling his nose against yours. Anybody else who saw this could see that you both were clearly an affectionate mess, touching one another whenever they pleased. 

Sooner than later after all that messing around, he laid you down on top of the bed as gently as he could, setting you down as if you were a fragile vase. His fingers lingered at your side before he cleared his throat, instantly pulling away at how quiet the atmosphere had gotten. 

It was hard to see his face now; the dimness of the room and not to mention the side effects of being drunk disrupting your normal vision, but you could still see how intent he was on gazing at you. You grew shy at how long the duration of time he chose to stare at you with keen eyes, looking away compared to your strong, resistance persona from before. 

Yeonjun found this little bit to be endearing, sketching out your whole, entire face in his head. To your adorable, button nose, to your cheeks which he oh so wanted to pinch, and to your lips that he was too afraid to kiss without permission, everything was simply perfect- a masterpiece that cannot be described in words. If it was up to Yeonjun, he would never look away because he was afraid he’d lose you again.

But this wasn’t right.

If he was there, it would only hurt you like you said earlier. His heart was screaming at him to let you know that he loved you more than anything else he’d ever laid eyes upon, but no, that wouldn’t be right either. He wasn’t sure how you’d react once he told you that. You’d leave him and rightfully so. 

Even if he was drunk as hell, he knew you wouldn’t be too comfortable sleeping with him once you sobered up in the morning. Besides, it was his fault- he doesn’t get to treat you like the way he did before since he really has no right to. 

Sighing, he turned to go until something grabbed onto his hand. His eyebrows rose up, but he didn’t allow himself to look back or else he’d betray all his morals.

Like he expected, you were the one holding him in place, your fingers sliding against his as they squeezed tightly. 

“Yeonjun... stay? Just for tonight?”

«────« ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»

A soft, genuine smile spread throughout his face as he turned over on his side, immediately expecting to touch someone that kept him company from last night. It had been a while since things were arranged like this, a month if he remembered correctly in his hazy mind. This was something he’d been desiring for such a long time already... he was going to make the most of it even if it was just a little bit.

Wait a minute... his fingers danced throughout the covers, eyebrows turning into a frustrated furrow and he finally realized what was happening. 

But- but you were there with him last night! You weren’t an illusion! Your voice resonated through his head along the lines of asking him to stay, but you just weren’t there. 

Panic swept throughout Yeonjun’s body as his eyes searched the whole entire room for any sign of her, looking at the door which was wide upon unlike last night.

“I messed up,” he groaned as he raked his fingers through his messy hair, heart dropping to his stomach as if it had weighed 1,000 pounds. His shaking, cold hand plummeted upon a pillow that was still warm and coated with her warm scent he always adored coming home to whenever he had a rough day. 

But you were no longer there. You were gone. 

“I lost her.”

---

Posted: 2/15/21- 6:30pm

Tags: 

[juyeoniemyhoney]

a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be

You love Jungkook. You’ve always known that much. But after living under the same roof for a year, you finally realise that your love for Jungkook is not at all platonic but in all ways romantic. Your feelings only build as another year passes and finally, one grocery run later, you tell him how you feel. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t end well.

-pairing: jeon jungkook x reader 

-genre: angst, just angst all the way.

-warnings: swearing, Jungkook’s a little bit of an ass in this one

-word count: 3775 words

-A/N: hii this is my first time posting on tumblr but i’ve been writing since like 2016 lol. i hope you like this depressing imagine and stay tuned for more imagines that are coming soon. also, i don’t really even like the ending and i feel like i dragged this out wayyyy more than i should have but oh well, i hope you enjoy it anyway. please let me know what you think and feel free to leave feedback so that i can improve!

---------

When you decided to live with your best friend, you should’ve known you were bound to fall in love. 

Flashback to senior year of high school. The two of you had miraculously graduated with incredibly average grades. Jungkook got into university solely because of his outstanding performance on the rugby team and you had gotten in thanks to pure luck. Seriously though, that was a really close shave. Anyway, the decision to live together when the two of you realised that you were going to the same university came as easy as a spring breeze. 

Which thus began the deterioration of your heart. 

Ever since you met Jungkook in your first year of primary school, his big eyes and beaming smile had always tugged at something in your chest. You had never denied this feeling, assuming it was because you love Jungkook, which you did, just platonically. But having to live with Jungkook made you realise that even though you were with him most of the time, you never really wanted to leave his side. 

For years, you had denied any thought that maybe you might be in love with Jungkook. But you had taken every single thought by the throat and stuffed it deep, deep down inside you, into the deepest, darkest corners of your being, forgotten and left to rot. Every single time your heart fluttered when you looked at him, every single time your skin tingled when he touched you, every single time your cheeks blushed when he did something for you, you had stopped yourself from feeling those things, those pesky little butterflies in your stomach because Jungkook is your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. Even though you know that he always meant more to you than you did to him. 

The one thing you dreaded once you realised that you love Jungkook more than a friend, was your monthly grocery run. When the both of you had first bought the flat — which you had only been able to afford thanks to Jungkook’s kind, high-rolling parents — you had both agreed to always go grocery shopping together, no matter what. You’re not really sure how this agreement came about, but at the time, it didn’t really matter to you because Jungkook was just Jungkook then.

But now that Jungkook is Jungkook, your crush, your heart cannot help but swell with how domestic grocery shopping with Jungkook always sounds. 

And grocery shopping with Jungkook is what you are going through right now. 

Right now, a year after realising that you are romantically in love with Jungkook and two years after moving in with your best friend, Jungkook stands next to you in the feminine products aisle, holding a crumpled piece of paper with grocery items carelessly scrawled on it, his other hand on the shopping cart that is a quarter-filled with household items that the two of you need to last until the next month. Despite how this situation is not at all scary, your heart beats like you are hanging precariously over a high ledge, palms clamming up as you nervously ball up the fabric of your shirt. 

“Which one is it?” Your saliva is stuck halfway down your throat when he asks the question, causing you to choke and cough the saliva up. You seriously need to get better at hiding your nervousness around him, if this even counts as hiding it, seeing as how you are literally not being normal, cool, or calm. You mentally face palm yourself for being you. 

“Um, I don’t see it,” you reply as calmly as you can, relaxing a little when you hear that your voice does not waver at all. 

“Here! Isn’t it this one?” Jungkook exclaims suddenly, scaring the absolute shit out of you and causing you to jump up in surprise, letting out a squeak when you see that it is the brand of pads that you use. You shove the thought that Jungkook does pay attention to you and tell yourself that it is because he has to see it on top of the cabinet in your shared bathroom every time he goes into it. He has lived with you for two years, of course he knows what brand you use, you idiot. 

“Yeah, thanks,” you mutter as you throw three packets into the cart before walking off, hands casually locked behind you as you roam the aisles, not sparing Jungkook another glance as he pushes the cart and follows behind you. You refuse to look at Jungkook and have your cheeks heat up again, especially not after he caught you blushing when you first met up with him fifteen minutes ago. 

Despite the fact that Jungkook had gotten into university solely thanks to rugby, he had surprised everyone by deciding to major in film. Though you had been a little surprised, you knew that film, or anything that had to do with a camera for that matter, had always fascinated Jungkook. And now in his third year of university and a certified adult, Jungkook had decided to get a job and stop relying on his parents. A little later than everyone else, but at least he finally decided to stop splurging the monthly allowance he got on cocktail nights at the bar around the corner. The job he got was a good step for Jungkook but a horrible one for you for he had decided to audition for a modelling company. And he got in. 

Which is why you don’t want to even spare him a glance. Because Jungkook had just gotten off work which meant that he had his hair done up, soft strands of light brown styled so that it was out of his eyes, allowing the light to hit his usually hidden, dark brown eyes, turning them a golden brown that reminded you of slow-dripping, melted caramel. And even though all he is wearing is a sky blue shirt and navy slacks, your mind and heart is going absolutely feral at how well they compliment him, high-waisted slacks cinching his waist and loose shirt hanging off of his broad shoulders. You realise that your arms ache to hold him.  

“What’s next on the list?” you ask, derailing your thoughts, as you nonchalantly survey the aisles so that you don’t have to turn around and look at Jungkook, even though you want to. You want to look and never stop. But he can’t know that. 

“Cereal,” he answers, catching up to you so that he is walking next to you, the end of his sleeve brushing the top of your shoulder. You give into your urge to look up at him and immediately, as if someone has punched you right in the gut, the wind is knocked out of your lungs because he is already staring down at you, a small smile tilting the corner of his lips up. You can quite literally feel your pupils dilate and you pray to god that he did not see it as you quickly but— you hope —casually turn your gaze away from him, nonchalantly asking, “Oh, we ran out?” 

“Yeah,” he replies, stopping to retrieve the cereal from the shelf. You reach out too but he beats you to it, knowing full well that you will never be able to reach the cereal that only sits on the highest shelf. Your heart stops for a while when you can feel him unintentionally press into you, chest brushing up on your ponytail, heat radiating from his body and pulling sweat from the pores of your palms. But the warmth quickly retracts with him as he pulls away from the shelf and haphazardly dumps the box of cereal into the cart before setting off, pushing the cart forward and out of the aisle, leaving your frozen form in the dust. 

You quickly snap out of it and follow Jungkook. 

As you trail behind him, pretending to look at products along the way so that you can stay behind him and play with your thoughts, your mind wanders off. All too suddenly, you are daydreaming, imagining yourself as courageous as you confess your harboured feelings to Jungkook. In this alternate universe that your imaginative mind has created, Jungkook beams down at you and accepts your confession, confessing that he too had been harbouring feelings for you. Jungkook calling your name snaps you out of your delusions. 

“Y/n?” 

It takes you a little too long to realise that he is talking to you but when you do, you reply with the most flustered, the most nervous sounding what you have ever heard leave your mouth. 

“I asked you if you wanted Nutella,” Jungkook patiently asks again. Far too nervous to properly internalise the question and reply with a proper answer, you haphazardly shake your head and pretend to wander off into an aisle filled with shampoo. You honestly don’t know why you said no. Nutella runs in your blood and your stupid diet — which is really just you being far too lazy to actually get up and make food — has your body aching for Nutella. But your pride runs deeper than you expect and you do not correct yourself, allowing Jungkook pass by the Nutella without another glance. 

Now back to overthinking. One of the reasons why you liking Jungkook is so bad is because, well, he has a fucking girlfriend, one who he loves very much. Plus, as if the universe absolutely fucking hated you, Jungkook had told you about said girlfriend, on the bloody day that your stupid ass had finally realised that you were romantically attracted and in love with Jungkook. And as if punching you in the face wasn’t enough, the universe had pierced your heart with the fact that you knew this girl. He had started dating Yoora. And you loved Yoora. Or more specifically, you found it humanly impossible to hate that girl. 

Ever the polite and sweet girl, Yoora had helped you pick up the wind-scattered pages of the love story you had written, handing them to you with a sweet smile and wishing you a good day ahead as she walked off. After that, you seemed to see her everywhere. So much so, that she had finally decided to approach you one day and become acquainted with you.

The aching pain of your unrequited love only continued, with each glance at Jungkook. You had also third-wheeled on a number of their dates and watching Jungkook look at Yoora, or someone who wasn’t you for that matter, with so much love squeezed your heart painfully, as if the universe was trying to wring a towel dry and your heart so happened to be said towel.

And Yoora being nice to you isn’t helping either. She has always looked at you kindly even though you are literally living with her boyfriend. Maybe she has always assumed you are gay or don’t harbour any feelings for Jungkook, or maybe she has always thought the best of you, that even if you did have feelings for Jungkook, you would never even dare try for him. 

So how on earth are you supposed to love him when Yoora’s kind and understanding eyes always flash through your mind when you think about Jungkook? How on earth are you supposed to hate her for stealing Jungkook away from you when she has been nothing but nice to you? But at the same time, how on earth are you supposed to like Yoora when she is the reason Jungkook is impatiently waiting for you to finish with your last year in university so that you can finally move out? How on earth are you supposed to like her when she is all that occupies Jungkook’s mind, leaving you forgotten like you are some childhood toy that Jungkook has grown out of? How are you supposed to live at all when those three fucking words take over your body like a goddamn curse, seizing control of your feelings like your heart is some kind of airplane and your feelings for Jungkook are forcing your heart into a nosedive, flying straight into the ground and shattering the feeble vessel? 

The answer is that you can’t. You can’t fucking live. 

“Is that all?” Jungkook asks you after about ten minutes. You did not even notice that you were lost in your shitty thoughts for that long. When you raise your head to look at the cart instead of the floor, you see that it is filled with groceries that will be a pain in the ass to carry home alone. Right, you totally forgot Jungkook is meeting Yoora right after this, which means you’ll probably have to carry everything back by yourself, seeing as how you’ve been carrying groceries home by yourself for the past three months. 

“Yeah,” you reply after your eyes lazily scan over the items, looking up to give Jungkook a weak smile before walking away and leading the way to the cashier. 

Silently, the two of you load the items onto the conveyor belt one by one, allowing the cashier to scan and pack the items into flimsy plastic bags before handing them to you. Jungkook pays since it is his turn and quickly tucks his wallet into his pocket before rushing to help you by taking most of the plastic bags from your hands, leaving you with only one bag. Against your own will, your heart swells with love. 

“Aren’t you meeting Yoora?” you question him as the two of you begin to walk out of the building. Jungkook turns to you and flashes you a bright grin, one that has something splintering in your chest and your breath hitching. 

“I told her to wait a little longer,” he answers, smiling sheepishly, tone hinting that he feels guilty for ditching you for the past three months. As he should. You reply with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. 

“Also,” he starts, trailing off a little as he pauses to let you walk ahead little before switching places with you so that he is walking on the outer side of the pavement, steps spilling onto the grass when the both of you have to squeeze past people who selfishly idle on the pavement, lingering outside shops for smoke breaks. Your heart’s quickening beat rings in your ears. You ignore it and flash him a grateful smile before he continues his sentence. 

“As I was saying, what’s up, Y/n? You’ve been a little off these days,” Jungkook questions, taking his eyes off the pavements to periodically glance at you, eyebrows knitted together in a concerned frown, teeth worrying his bottom lip. 

Of course Jungkook would think something is fishy. Once upon a time, the both of you could easily read each other like a children’s picture book, it was foolish of you to think that just because he prioritises his girlfriend before you, doesn’t mean that he can’t read your behaviour. It was foolish of you to think that Jungkook had changed at all. So far, he seemed normal. Maybe it was just you. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve been cold lately. If you haven’t realised, all you’ve said to me throughout this whole shopping trip were short sentences that end the conversation straight away. And I know you’re always working on your essays for your classes but we don’t even have movie night anymore. Not to mention that you barely even talk to me anymore. So tell me what’s wrong. Did I piss you off or something?” Jungkook explains, a sadness oozing from his gentle gaze that he turns to you as the both of you halt at a pedestrian crossing. The sorrow in his eyes causes your chest to tighten as you find it impossible to talk. Because you miss him too. So much. You would kill just to feel the unadulterated rapture you felt when you were spending time with Jungkook. You really just want things to go back to how they were before you liked him. 

“Oh, I’ve just been going through a lot lately,” you answer, trying to keep your reply as vague as possible, hoping he leaves it at that and waits for you to tell him when you are ready. 

But of course, Jungkook continues to pry. 

“What are you going through? Come on, Y/n, you can tell me. If you do, maybe I can help you,” he bombards you, eyes silently pleading that you allow him to fix your problems. You know he means well. Jungkook has never intentionally caused harm to you but right now, you just want him to drop it. Because how on earth are you going to explain to him that you are in love with him and are jealous of his pretty, smart, kind girlfriend? 

Apparently your brain knows how.

“Well,” you start before you can stop yourself. The look in Jungkook’s eyes makes it impossible for you to just cut it off there, so, you continue. 

“I’ve liked this boy for a long while now but he has a girlfriend. I really want to tell him but I’m afraid it’ll ruin our friendship,” you blurt. At first, your chest feels light, heart finally rid of the words that had weighed it down. But then, you look at Jungkook, gorgeous eyes conflicted as he carefully articulates what he wants to say next. Then, again, your heart fills with an unimaginably heavy weight that sinks it all the way down to your gut. And you cannot help but think, he knows. He knows and he’s is going to break my heart all over again. 

“Can I ask.. who it is that you like?” he asks wearily, as if he is a hunter approaching a wild deer that startles easily. As the two of you turn the corner to your shared apartment, you glance up into his eyes once more and your heart sinks further. Fear. Fear swallows his eyes as he awaits your answer, afraid that what you’ll say next will completely decimate the past fifteen years of your best friendship, afraid that you will completely destroy his trust with your next words. 

And even though you want to lie to him, you find it impossible to. Which is why, before you can stop yourself from blurting it out, you reply with, “You.”

The feeling of complete and utter horror hits you after a second of lag time. Despite the extra second that it gives you to prepare yourself, you do not use it and when the realisation of what you said hits you, it hits you hard, like a million bricks to the face. 

Jungkook stills and you freeze too, too scared to even look at him. The both of you stand on the street, a few steps away from your ground floor apartment, a few steps away from privacy. But you think that at this point, privacy completely flies over Jungkook’s head. 

“I have a girlfriend, Y/n,” he states, as if you didn’t already know. You turn to face him and Jungkook’s expression is not at all far from terrifying. He has never looked at you with such stern, angry expression, eyebrows knitted together in a disapproving frown rather than his previous concerned frown, and it quite literally scares the shit out of you. His gaze has hardened and he looks at you as if you have committed murder — which you have, seeing as how you have completely lynched this whole fucking relationship. 

“I know you have a girlfriend,” you scoff. You swear for a second that Jungkook glares at you. Your heart stops. What have you done?

“I just-“ you start, trying to explain yourself but Jungkook cuts you off by raising his hand. For the shortest of milliseconds, you think that he is going to hit you, slap you, do something. But then, you dismiss the idea, knowing full well that Jungkook will not harm you. He is Jungkook. No matter how angry he is, he won’t ever lay a hand on anyone, especially you. 

“You know I have a girlfriend and yet you decided that it was appropriate to confess your feelings to me now?” he questions in a clipped tone, frown deepening with each thought that passes through his mind. 

“Look, Jungkook,” you start, taking a deep breath before continuing. To your surprise, he listens patiently. 

“I have been in love with you for two years now. Or well, I realised in our first year of Uni. But I’m pretty sure that I’ve been in love with you for far longer than I’ve realised. I know that you have a girlfriend and I know that I’m being selfish and a really shitty friend right now but I’ll be honest, it was beginning to burst out of me, my feelings, the words that I yearned to speak but could not, knowing that I’d be condemned to hell for speaking them. So quite frankly, I know I shouldn’t be scolding you, but I don’t need a fucking scolding from you,” you snap at him. Your breathing is laboured after the words leave your mouth. You pause for a second and watch him, waiting for him to make a move, to blow at you anyway. But he stays silent and you walk away, shoving your key into the lock of your apartment and swinging the door open with so much force that it slams into the coat rack standing behind it, knocking it down. 

Jungkook silently follows you into the house, gently placing down the groceries at the entrance of the kitchenette before he slips back into his shoes and leaves, slamming the door behind him. The slam is loud and resounding, and it feels like the sound waves are reverberating inside your chest, shattering your heart like glass. 

Left in the deafening silence, an air of complete and utter regret filling your apartment like a thick fog, the weight of your’s and Jungkook’s words finally take their toll on you, somehow increasing the gravitational pull on your body and pulling you to the floor. You do not know how you have yet to burst into tears but right now, all you can feel is a numbness that overwhelms your senses, dulling them down. Your ears tune out, your vision narrows, and the cool, tiled floor of the kitchenette beneath your fingers does not feel like cool tile at all. 

God, Jungkook must hate you now. 

And finally, at that thought, the idea of your best friend — or really, your only true friend — hating you, do your tears fall. 

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

deep ask time: tell me about your love for supernatural. when did you get into it. what were your first impressions. when did you Know it was a big fave for you. how many times have you seen it (doesn’t have to be all the way through, even just individual eps. whatever!) what’s your favorite thing about it!!! why the heck do you love it!!!!!

THIS IS SUCH A LOVELY ASK

When did you get into it?

WELL!! To answer the first question we must go back To the Beginning.

Around March or so of 2013, I met my best friend, my sister from another mister, my platonic soulmate, my other half. She was a fan of Supernatural and a few months into our friendship, I decided to watch it with her (not WITH HER cause she lives across the country, but)

First impressions?

I had seen plenty of screenshots of tumblr posts about it on Pinterest, so I had a vague idea going in.

It was in ^ this moment ^ a switch flipped in my head. My brain was like "HIM!! THAT'S THE ONE!!" like someone picking out a puppy from a litter. Little did I know, 7 years later, he'd still be my favorite character of all time.

Also, funny thing, because I was texting my best friend the entirety of the first 3 episodes, I actually hadn't paid much attention. I somehow thought because Sam was taller that he was older, which is really dumb considering MY OWN BROTHERS are the opposite, the youngest being taller than the oldest. How naive.

I remember thinking Dean was cute but Sam in screenshots from season 8 (the current season at the time) I'd seen was cuter. I hadn't seen Dean in season 8 apparently, cause I changed my mind later actually watching the show lmao

When did you Know it was a big fave for you?

Oh man. I don't even remember, it became my favorite so quickly. I was big into Doctor Who and Sherlock at the time and then I started watching and it just far surpassed those in every way for me

How many times have you seen it?

Oh geez. I know I've seen it all the way through to season 9/10 ish at least twice. Individual eps, I have no idea. I can tell you for certain my most rewatched is season 9 episode 7, Bad Boys. Following that would be I've definitely be season 8 episode 11, LARP and the Real Girl, and season 11 episode 4, Baby. I've seen practically every episode (I'm not caught up. I'm not emotionally prepared. Of all the years to watch my favorite show end, This Is Not The Year. I'm not strong enough lmao) at least twice because I always rewatch it with my brother and/or my mom at some point.

What's your favorite thing about it!!!

My favorite thing, the thing that compels me the most, the thing that keeps me coming back time and time again, is Dean.

I don't know where to even begin explaining it, but he's the most compelling character I've ever encountered in any and all media. He's just so deep and complicated in a way I've never seen before. Like, his opinion of John alone over the years is more complex than most relationships I've seen on tv, and that's just one aspect of his character. I could write a whole essay on Dean Winchester as a character tbh, but I don't have the mental capacity right now and this is getting long enough as it is lmao.

Why the heck do you love it!!!!!

People make fun of Supernatural all the time and yeah, it isn't perfect, but the characters. They really hit it out of the park with the characters, both intentionally and unintentionally. Like, Cas for example, was not supposed to be a series regular. The angels were just supposed to be one arc and then go away forever, but fans loved him so much they kept him, and he's now an integral part of the main cast and half of the NUMBER ONE pairing on AO3.

This little show about family and found family has created something truly special and inimitable.

Again, I could write a whole essay, but I can't, so I shan't.

[animationnut]

Piece By Piece: Final Chapter

Fandom: Red vs. Blue Rating: T (to be safe) Summary: Platonic Soulmate AU. Grif spent most of his life without soulmarks. He tried to convince himself that he didn’t care. He had his sister. She was more than enough. After all, what were the odds he would find his soulmates in the army? 

                                                     First Chapter

                                                   Previous Chapter

The morning light filtered through the gauzy curtains of the infirmary. It seemed ludicrous to Grif that the thick, bullet-proof glass was draped with such decorative cloth, but he supposed there had to be some cheer existing in the middle of a war. He wasn’t usually awake to catch the first rays of sunlight. But he could make out the yellow splashing across the tiled floor in ripples through the thin fabric of his blankets.

The only reason he was up at such an early hour was because he had an unshakeable desire to contact his sister. He had tried to ignore it, at first, tossing and turning restlessly until he finally surrendered. Dr. Grey was bustling around her office, moving so quietly Grif wouldn’t have known she was there if he hadn’t already been awake when she walked in. He called out to her and she was by his side immediately, ready to inspect whatever pain ailed him.

She wasn’t at all irritated when he requested her to bring him a tablet so he could call his sister. While most of the soldiers were discouraged from making personal calls due to the strict rules on outside communication, Kimball and Doyle had a soft spot for the Reds and Blues.

Dr. Grey returned ten minutes later with a slim black device. She warned him to keep quiet before disappearing back into her office. To avoid disturbing the few slumbering patients, Grif yanked the blankets over his head and hooked it to the metal bed post, creating a blanket fort.

Though it was morning on Chorus it was approaching afternoon where Kai was, though it didn’t really make a difference in the never-changing environment of Blood Gulch. “Yo bro!” she greeted enthusiastically, answering on the first ring of the video call. “Wassup?”

“Not much. Currently lying in the hospital wing after being shot in the neck.”

Not fazed in the slightest by this revelation, Kaikaiana said in awe, “Cool! Do you have a sweet scar?”

“I don’t know. Dr. Grey won’t let me take off the bandages. But I do have Carolina’s soulmark.”

He recounted the story for her and she listened with rapt attention. An envious glint shone in her eyes. “Lucky.”

Grif felt her longing and loneliness flow through their soul-link and he frowned. “Hey, don’t be like that. You’ll get Wash and Carolina’s soulmarks before you know it.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said with a raised brow. “You guys are taking forever to win this war.”

“Oh, please,” said Grif with a scoff. “I’d like to see you do better.”

“You’re on. I’ll be on the next plane.”

Though they had had this conversation several times, it was difficult to tell whether or not she was joking. Grif took the safe route by saying sharply, “Don’t even think about it. The second your ship comes into Chorus’ atmosphere Felix and Locus will have it shot down. If you happen to survive it and they figure out who you are…”

He didn’t continue, as imagining what the two mercenaries would do to Kai if they ever got a hold of her was too unpleasant to contemplate. Sensing she had agitated him, which she usually took joy in, Kai felt sheepish.

“I know, I know. It just sucks. You left me here all alone.”

Flinching at that, for Kai still harboured genuine hurt for being left behind, Grif could only shrug. “I’m sorry, Kai, but you know there wasn’t anything we could do. Command gave us orders and…well, I’m pretty sure the consequences of disobeying Command are pretty rough.”

“You could have at least told me where you were going,” said Kai with a huff.

“I did,” said Grif. “I told you we were going to Rat’s Nest.”

Kai blinked at him, the corners of her lips turning down slightly. “Ooh. That’s a place? I thought you were making fun of my hair.”

“That explains why you punched me,” muttered Grif, the memory of Kai unexpectedly decking him in the face bringing back a phantom pain.

“Lemme see.”

Kai had a tendency to jump rapidly between subjects in a conversation. Grif paused to mentally backtrack before coming upon what she might be referring to. “What, Carolina’s soulmark?”

“Duh.”

Grif lifted the edge of his blanket, careful not to unhook it, and peeked out. Some patients were awake while others slept on. Dr. Grey would be out soon to make her rounds, but Grif doubted she would check on him. She had already given him a clean bill of health—the extra twenty-four hours of hospital stay was a precaution more than anything else.

“Fine,” he said, letting the blanket fall back into place. “But if Dr. Grey catches me, I’m blaming it on you.”

He rested the tablet against his knees and picked at the white bandages wrapped around his neck. Kai watched with eager eyes as he peeled it slowly off of his skin, eventually revealing the cyan handprint curled around his neck.

“How did it feel?” she asked.

“Nice try,” said Grif with a smirk. “You’re going to have find that one out for yourself.”

Kai flashed him a rude gesture that caused him to break into laughter. The blanket was suddenly ripped away and Grif’s laughter turned into a startled scream, instinctively flinging the tablet at the figure who had intruded upon his space.

Tucker grunted and stumbled backwards as the tablet slammed into his chest before clattering to the floor. “Ouch! What the hell, man?”

Dr. Grey strode into the infirmary, radiating displeasure. “What did I just say?” she asked frostily.

“We were quiet as a mouse with socks on!” protested Sarge. “He’s the one jumpin’ like a jackrabbit!”

Dr. Grey’s eyes zeroed in on Grif, specifically the exposed wound on his neck. “And what do you think you’re doing?”

Recoiling at the dangerous tone, Grif said meekly, “It’s not my fault. My sister wanted to see it.”

Clicking his tongue, Dr. Grey grabbed fresh bandages and rewrapped the wound, using a bit more force than necessary. When she was finished, she regarded the observing group and said, “Like I said, you are welcome to stay, but you must. Be. Quiet.”

“Yes ma’am!” they chorused.

Lips forming a fond smile behind her helmet, Dr. Grey made an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture before starting her work for the day. His heartbeat returning to normal, Grif gave Tucker’s stomach a shove. “What is wrong with you?” he snapped.

“What’s wrong with you?” returned Tucker with a laugh. “Irritated that I interrupted private time?”

“You’re disgusting. How did you convince Dr. Grey to let you all in here?”

“She is a nice lady,” replied Caboose.

“She is,” agreed Simmons. “And soulmates have priority visiting.”

“Yeah, but there’s also a cap at three visitors at a time,” said Grif. “Isn’t that why you came to see me in pairs yesterday?”

“Yeah, but only because we weren’t sure if she’d let all of us in at once while you were recovering,” said Donut, easing himself into the chair by Grif’s bed. “Once you were better, she said we could all see you when visiting hours were open!”

“Turns out she’s never had a patient with eleven soulmates before,” said Doc in amusement.

Kai was an absence they did not miss, especially for Washington and Carolina, who were astutely aware of the unfilled yellow mark on their bodies. Remembering that he had been mid-conversation with Kai before Tucker unintentionally scared him, Grif cursed.

“Kai—damn it, Tucker.”

Washington bent down and retrieved the tablet. “Nice reflexes, by the way.”

“Thanks,” said Grif, accepting the device.

“If only you moved that fast everyday,” said Sarge with a sneer.

“Oh, shut up.” The tablet began to trill and it was Grif’s turn to answer on the first ring. “Sorry Kai. Tucker’s an asshole.”

He flipped the tablet around so she got a clear picture of their soulmates huddling near his cot. Brown eyes sparkling, Kai said cheerfully, “My babes! What’s up?”

“Trying and failing to keep your brother out of trouble,” replied Church, flickering over Caboose’s shoulder.

“Aw, that’s nothing,” said Kai dismissively. “We’ve been in worse scrapes when we were kids.”

“I don’t recall ever getting shot when I was a kid,” said Grif flatly.

“No, but you did get run over by a motorcycle when you gave that dude the finger.”

“Oh.” Grif’s brow furrowed. “I don’t really remember that.”

“You hit your head pretty hard. I had to take you to the hospital on the back of my bike. You left a trail of blood the entire way!” When the others gaped at them, Kai asked defensively, “What?”

“I know you guys had a wild childhood,” said Simmons in disbelief, “but seriously. How are you still alive?”

“Not a clue, dude,” said Grif.

“I’m amazed the base is still standing,” said Lopez flatly.

“Of course the base is still standing,” said Kai with a huff. She was the only one with the ability to fully understand Spanish, though she was awful at speaking it. “Well, one of them, anyway…”

“Wait, which one?” asked Church and Sarge in unison.

Apprehension crossing her features, Kai said hastily, “I don’t remember.”

“What do you mean you don’t remember?” demanded Church. “I swear, Sister, if you burned Blue Base to the ground—”

“I didn’t do anything,” interjected Kai. “One of the raves got a little out of hand, that’s all.”

“You’re still doing those?”

“Of course I am. A girl needs company! If I spend too much time alone, I’m going to go crazy.”

Kai tried to stay upbeat, but the sadness rose in her chest and settled like a heavy weight. She missed them and she knew they missed her.

“Don’t worry hon,” cooed Donut. “You’ll be here before you know it. Promise.”

“I know it’s hard. It’s hard for us too,” spoke Doc. “But we will reunite.”

“We definitely didn’t expect to be detoured for so long,” said Simmons regretfully. “We’ll make up for lost time.”

“Even if we have to soak this planet in the blood of our enemies, we’ll make sure this planet is safe for your arrival,” said Sarge gruffly.

“We will win this war,” said Tucker confidently. “You do have two more soulmarks to fill in, after all.”

“And you have two soulmates who can’t wait,” said Washington feelingly.

“Getting the chance to meet you face-to-face is part of what keeps me going,” said Carolina sincerely.

“What’s the other part?” asked Sarge with a smirk.

“Caboose,” deadpanned Carolina.

“Yay!” he cheered. “I’m her favourite!” Directing his attention back to Kai, he said earnestly, “We will have a party when you arrive!”

“I like parties,” said Kai, perking up. “Can there be alcohol and strippers?”

“Hell yeah,” said Tucker immediately.

“Hell no,” shot down Washington.

“Why are you such a cop?” asked Kai, disgruntled.

“I’m not a cop,” said Washington in exasperation.

“You sure act like one.”

“Sue me, I like order. Raves are the exact opposite of order.”

“They’re not that bad,” said Kai dismissively. “Sure, someone got a bit wild with the fireworks and set Red Base on fire—”

Sarge’s vicious swear caused Kai to cut herself off, a stricken expression on her face as she realized she accidentally spilled the beans. Simmons let out a horrified squawk while Donut lamented the loss of his perfectly decorated room. Lopez and Grif remained unaffected by this news, the latter rolling his eyes at yet another one of his sister’s antics.

“You careless useless tramp—” began Sarge furiously.

“It’s being rebuilt!” Kai said hastily. “Soon. I think. Uh, love you got to go!”

She hung up amongst Sarge’s rambling and Church’s hysterical laughter. Caboose gave a despaired Simmons an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. I can help you paint when we get back!”

“That’s the last time we leave her alone,” grumbled Sarge.

“Oh well,” sighed Donut, resting his chin against his hand. “It’s always good to redecorate every once in a while.”

“Sucks to be you,” snickered Tucker.

At the scowl on Sarge’s weathered face, Grif smirked and said, “She apologized.”

“She’s real torn up about it,” he scoffed.

Indeed, Kai’s amusement hummed through their soul-links, remorse over the accidental destruction of Red Base non-existent. Grif settled back against his pillows, the grin spreading across his face as love, affection and ire rolled through him. The soulmarks on his body seemed brighter in the fluorescent lighting, standing out proudly against his skin.

Church could not stop laughing at Sarge’s misfortune and Dr. Grey, brimming with exasperation, kicked them all out. They bid Grif farewell, with the promise to see him later on in the evening, and departed quickly under Dr. Grey’s supervision.

Grif felt them, all of them, their emotions humming through him. It was the best sensation in the world, to have what no one else did. To be permanently linked with his eleven soulmates, to experience their negativity and positivity, and be so emotionally attached that it was sometimes difficult to bear.

He felt whole. He felt completed. And it had been worth every second of anxious, desperate, torturous waiting.