#Does crowley and aziraphale fuck? i forgot

[poly-space-nerds]

yesterday i made a post about Hob and Aziraphale both finding out about each other and I raise you something even funnier.

Hob was friends with Aziraphale and Crowley at completely different points in his life and they both knew him with different names. So Hob has to sit down when he walks into the bookstore and sees two of his old, should definitely be dead by a hundred years apart, friends ask ‘Bobby?’ and ‘Robin?’ at the same time.

[hikarry]

I'm not really on the team that swears to Jesus and beyond that Crowley lost his memories after the Fall. Yes, of course, he forgot some stuff because, ya know, he has been alive for more than 6000 years and if I don't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, Satan knows he won't remember every single second of his life, but he remembers the important things

"Ah, but what about him not remembering fighting alongside FurFur or building the thingy with Saraqael?"

Love, I give you two options:

Those are either some of the stuff he didn't consider important enough to remember OR he is just straight up fucking with them. He does remember, but why reveal it if playing dumb sometimes is good in the long run? Might be useful

Alas, I don't know, but I will die on the hill that he does remember

Which means he most probably remembers meeting Aziraphale. Not because Aziraphale was "important" at the time per se, or because it was love at first sight (because it wasnt, not for him. Bro was so focused on the nebula he didnt even introduce himself when Aziraphale did. He threw him a "Right. Nice to meet ya. Anyway, nebula time!"), but because he was there when Crowley created the nebula and, as he said, he had been waiting for that moment since "well, always". It's an important moment for him, so he remembers. Aziraphale just so happened to be present

I don't know if that was the only interaction they had in Heaven or not (and that's not the point I'm trying to get to so I will ignore that problem for a later post, maybe), but when the now Demon Crawley was sent up to the Garden, he did remember Aziraphale. That's why he approached him

Cmon, Crowley isn't stupid. Of course he wouldn't approach an angel on the wall just willy nilly and make conversation. He didn't know Aziraphale had given away the flaming sword yet. Just approaching an angel from behind and morph into a demon next to him out of nowhere could be a death sentence. Or at least an A Line for a good smitting

Yet, he did it. He had at least 3 other angels to choose from but he approached the angel that he remembered from back in the beginning that was kind enough to help him with the engine of the nebula. Hell! I even bet this was not the first time they saw each other in the Garden!

Bet they've seen and observed each other from afar a few times while they interacted with the humans (yes, cause I believe Crawley, before tempting Eve, tried to gain her trust. It's easier to listen to a friend than a random snake) or just around the Garden really.

That's why Aziraphale didn't get surprised when Crawley showed up at the wall, because he knew the demon snake had been around the Garden for a while. He probably even recognized him as the former Star Maker and hoped he was still a little bit of his old self so he allowed himself to engage in conversation

Anyhow, another clue? This:

He remembers how Heaven works. He remembers he was a high ranking angel. Satan, he remembers the bloody passwords!

Do you know what else he remembers?

Cause they didn't throw that line in there for nothing. No, gents. Cmon. Nothing is random in Good Omens

He knows who he was. He remembers being the Star Maker that hung the stars in the sky

He remembers why he fell, for goodness sake

And the fact that he remembers everything makes all of it so much more tragic, doesn't it? He remembers his life before the Fall, his supposed friends that dragged him into the pit with them, what Her love felt like, the "mistakes" he made that led to his Fall

And it must have hurt. It must have hurt so much when he found himself in a pit of boiling sulfur with his wings completely burned and without Her love because he remembered it all. He must have been so bloody confused for so long

He might have regretted it. All the questions and the company he kept that made him Fall. But he doesn't anymore.

He knows he doesn't need Heaven, he doesn't need Hell. They are toxic. All he needs is his pacific fragile existence on Earth with Aziraphale and yet...well, that's something else he won't forget now, is it?

*clears throat*

I rest my case

[lenaellsi]

I've never understood what people mean when they say that Crowley is hiding the truth of Heaven and God's cruelty from Aziraphale to protect him or spare his feelings. That's like...the complete opposite of what Crowley does.

Crowley spends all 6000 years of their time on Earth together making snarky comments about Heaven and God at every opportunity. It's his opening line in Eden, and even before Eden, he meets Aziraphale and two minutes later goes on a rant about how unfair it is to end the world before it’s really started. "What's the point of making an infinite universe if you're only going to let it run for a few thousand years?" He's been forcing Aziraphale to grapple with God's plan literally since the moment they met. Those moments make up like half of the S1E3 intro, and it happens again in every single S2 minisode. "Same God that wants me to whack the kids?" "Tell her that poverty is ineffably wonderful and life is worth living. Go on!" "That's the trouble with you lot. You tend to see things in black and white." Like. Crowley's not trying to hide anything! He thinks Heaven sucks! He thinks God is playing a fucked up game! He tells Aziraphale that all the time!

Crowley sharing or not sharing the minute details of Aziraphale's failed execution is, honestly, a nonissue, and it's kind of frustrating to see it constantly brought up. We don't even know for sure that Crowley never told Aziraphale exactly what was said. Crowley says Aziraphale "doesn't remember it either," when he's talking to Jim--not that he doesn't know, just that he doesn't remember, because he wasn't physically there. But regardless of whether Aziraphale knows the exact words, he absolutely knows that Gabriel "tried very hard to cast [him] into Hellfire and destroy [him]." And he already knows Gabriel is an asshole. That's not news.

And I'm unconvinced that Crowley wouldn't have shared what he learned in Heaven about the Second Coming and Gabriel's trial over breakfast at the Ritz if things hadn't gone completely to shit. Here's my hot take: in the fifteen minutes he and Aziraphale had alone after he got back, he had other things on his mind. Would it have been helpful for Aziraphale to know? Eh, maybe. But honestly, Aziraphale is already aware that Heaven 1) is fully on board with the end of the world, and 2) has no problem punishing angels who try to stop the end of the world. Because, you know. They tried to kill him about it last time. And regardless, I don't think this is an issue of Crowley hiding things--I think he genuinely just forgot, because he was busy getting broken up with. If he'd thought about it, you bet he would have weaponized that to get Aziraphale to stay. And he kind of did! "When Heaven ends life here on Earth, it'll be just as dead as if Hell ended it."

And then there's the Fall, and yeah, fair enough. Crowley probably hasn't shared what the Fall looked like for him, and I think that's information Aziraphale could benefit from. Aziraphale clearly doesn't understand it--if he did, I can't imagine that he would have asked Crowley back to Heaven.

But that's still not Crowley trying to hide the truth about Heaven to protect Aziraphale's feelings, or whatever. He just doesn't want to talk about it! Because it fucking sucked! Crowley's communication problems stem entirely from his reluctance to grapple with his own emotions, and his reluctance to be vulnerable. Bitching about Heaven doesn't make him vulnerable; talking about his Fall really, really does.

Crowley has never once shied away from telling Aziraphale exactly what he thinks about Heaven, or the archangels, or God. He's constantly challenging him, forcing him to consider the people hurt by policy decisions like the Flood, the Crucifixion, Job's trials, or the "virtues of poverty." That's a huge part of their dynamic. Sure, he sucks at telling Aziraphale about himself--he doesn't communicate why he wants holy water, or that he's been living in his car, or anything at all about the Fall (as far as we know)--but when it comes to God? He is painfully honest. That's why Aziraphale is so unsettled by him. Crowley is generally very good to Aziraphale and conscious of his happiness, yes, but he's also not afraid to push him. It's baffling to me that people think that all he does is coddle him when we spend about half the show watching them bicker over this exact issue on screen.

[crushmeeren]

Crowley/Fem Reader/Aziraphale

Warnings; Bottom! Crowley, Top! Aziraphale, my version of Soft Dom! Reader, Anal Sex, Rimming, Vaginal Sex, Female Anatomy/Pronouns, Reader does wear a strap on!

Note; I wrote this entire thing as a request and I FUCKING FORGOT TO MAKE THE READER A DEMON, IM SORRY REQUESTOR 😭 I hope you and everyone else still enjoy 🥲

AO3 Link; Escapades🪽

Word Count; 6.2k

It always starts the same way. Crowley stumbles upon a new sexual escapade he wants the three of you to experience in the bedroom. Then the sneaky bastard riles up you and Aziraphale, way too easily if you’re being honest, and then three of you end up tumbling into the bedroom. You’re learning, way too late into the evening, that Crowley had been made aware of what pegging is. The red headed demon absolutely got more than a little drunk with Nina and Maggie last night, and consequently ended up with more details of their sex life than he wanted.

The only part he couldn’t shake off, was when they mentioned the pegging, and how mind blowing the experience can be. They talked about how ridiculously hot it can be, not to mention how good it feels, having your female partner, who doesn’t naturally have a dick, fuck you with more or less a cock of their own.

As soon as the the images flashed behind his eyes, he felt his cheeks burn. He took a sip of his scotch and he felt warmth spread through his belly pleasurably. He knows it’s not from the alcohol and for fucks sake, he just couldn’t resist being interested, the idea stuck to his brain like glue. It stayed with him the entire night. He, with extreme difficulty, was able to keep himself from getting rock hard that night. The thought of your smaller frame underneath him threatening to send blood rushing south.

That would’ve been too embarrassing if he spontaneously had to leave his impromptu drinking session with the girls because he couldn’t get his boner to go away. Truthfully, he had thought about being fucked by you often. Thinking about getting railed by you made his dick throb involuntarily. He knows the Angel wants it as well. He and Aziraphale had spoken about it, in great detail, before. He’d even had the Angel wrap a hand around his cock, whisper sweet nothings into his ear about you fucking him until he’d cum so hard his sticky release had hit him in the face.

Surprisingly enough, the two of them had never heard of or come across pegging before, leading them to believe it was never going to be an option. The fact that it was, is the reason Crowley showed up eagerly late the next day at the bookshop with a fucking strap on in his hands. You attempt to burn holes in his skull as your gaze flickers between the item in his hand and his smug looking face. Your eye twitches.

“Pegging?” you ask in disbelief, eyebrow raised as you cross your arms and push out one of your hips. Warmth pools in your belly at the mention of it, it’s not like you haven’t thought about it before. They had never brought it up so you just assumed they weren’t interested in that. You can see you were clearly wrong.

The three of you are in the bookshop, Aziraphale at his desk, reading glasses on the bridge of his nose as he looks over one of his books about “the art of prestidigitation”, as he likes to call it. Once he saw what the demon was holding he immediately turned back to his desk and started to try extremely hard to pointedly not listen to the conversation that you and Crowley began having. He ignored the way his cheeks burned, and the butterflies that filled his belly when Crowley started talking.

“Yes love, ever heard of it?” Crowley replies in a teasing tone of voice, smirking as he takes his black glasses off, setting them down on a nearby surface. He turns to face you again, stretching out his arm to wiggle the strap on at you, fake dick and all bobbing about in the wind. You roll your eyes at him, before narrowing your gaze. Sometimes you can’t believe the blunt audacity Crowley has, but when he gets these ideas it usually works out in the end so you haven’t turned him down yet. Laughing incredulously, you tilt your head and you reply with just as much attitude.

“Yes, I’ve heard of it, I’m just surprised you haven’t, I didn’t realize you had that little experience Crowley.” Uncrossing your arms you place them on your hips. You smile with fake innocence and make eye contact with him. You see his smirk grow even wider as he tilts his head back in amused laughter. Eyes coming to rest on your face, Crowley steps closer to you, getting into your space and looking down at you.

You can feel some of the heat radiating from him and you resist the urge to blush. You stare up at him, not backing down. The demon wraps his warm, slim fingers around your hip, slipping his thumb under your shirt, softly rubbing the skin over the bone there. You bite your lip to hold back a soft moan and the air between the two of you starts to thicken like warm honey. Crowley trails a finger softly down your neck. A shiver runs down your spine as he leans closer, lips softly brushing your cheek before he whispers in your ear. The bastard knows what he’s doing and you fall for it every time.

“Well then, I suppose I’m gonna need you to show me what it means to get fucked hmm? My pretty goddess,” he coos, voice smooth and low as he kisses your earlobe, then he moves to press a kiss into the sensitive skin of your neck. The feeling of his breath tickling your skin as he mouths at your throat makes your body flush, warm arousal instantly shooting to your belly. You almost forgot the Angel was here when you and Crowley hear the sound of a page ripping and Aziraphale cursing softly in the background.

——————————————————

As you expected, Crowley is the most eager to get pegged first. The idea has been rolling around in his brain the most lately and he’s aching for it. Furthermore he’s a little shit who always gets what he wants. So Aziraphale, living up to his title as Angel once again, caves easily to the demons request. He really can’t say no to his pretty face. Crowley promises him he’ll reward him in return, whispering sweetly to him and kissing his cheeks as the two climb onto the bed.

You had decided to leave that decision up to the two of them, knowing nobody is going to get left out either way. Aziraphale really doesn’t mind, he knows no matter what he’s going to feel good. Whether it’s watching you and Crowley put on a show for him or he’s actively participating, he’s just so happy to be a part of it.

After you’ve flipped off the overhead light, you turn on a lamp in corner of the room. It glows a comforting soft yellow and makes the space feel much more intimate. Despite the soothing light, you unfortunately spent about 10 irritating minutes cursing and figuring out how to get the damn strap on hooked to your hips and under your thighs correctly. You walk over to stand at the end of the bed, near the edge as you finish securing it in place.

Aziraphale and Crowley are on the bed, completely bare as they kiss eagerly in front of you. You hum softly in approval as you listen to the slick sound of their lips meeting over and over. They are both raised up on their knees, facing each other, giving you a pretty picture of their side profiles as they make out. Aziraphale is holding Crowleys waist and in turn Crowley wraps his arms around the Angels neck. He plays with the soft white curls at the nape of Aziraphales neck and the Angel tugs Crowley closer into his chest by his hips.

You feel your pussy getting slick and it throbs beneath the strap on. Your teeth dig into the sensitive skin of your bottom lip. Gods, they just look so fucking hot together. They are your wet dream and you let your eyes trail up and down their bodies, noticing both of their flushed, hard cocks rubbing together with every tiny movement they make. The tips of their cocks shiny with precum as they continue to lightly thrust against each other. You have the urge to reach out and wrap one hand around both of them, feeling the warm, silky skin and jerking them off together. You file that thought away and save it for later.

You hear a soft groan, which you recognize comes from the demon and your eyes snap upwards to see he’s already looking at you. His yellow eyes watching you intensely. You realize he was trying to get your attention and you raise an eyebrow at him. He keeps eye contact with you and he smiles into the kiss with Aziraphale. Crowley makes sure you can see his forked tongue as he slips it into the Angels mouth, making Aziraphale gasp softly and open up easily for him.

Your pussy clenches around air and your fingers dig into your palm as you see their tongues roll together. Crowley turns his attention back to his heated kiss with the Angel, closing his eyes again. You notice Aziraphales cheeks are a pretty pink as they start to really get into it, Aziraphale digging his nails into the demons skin. They lean into each other and you see Crowleys hand start to trail down Aziraphales chest. He drags his nails over the Angels stomach, making a move to reach for the Angels cock.

“No,” you order him, quite casually, and his hand stops in its place. Crowley whines into Aziraphales mouth and breaks away from the kiss. The Angel pants and leans forward as if he’s chasing the demons lips. Turning his head to look at you, bottom lip sticking out, Crowley keeps his other hand perched on the Angels shoulder as his chest heaves. They both have a pretty flush and Aziraphale decides to rest his forehead against Crowleys shoulder.

“You’re no fun darling,” Crowley pouts, trying to give you wide, puppy eyes.

“Oh no, whatever shall I do?” you say sarcastically, fake gasping and bringing a hand up to cover your mouth. Crowley narrows his eyes playfully and sticks his tongue out at you. He pushes back from the Angels grip and Aziraphale sits back on his calves, hands continuing to rest gently on Crowleys lean waist. You get a sense that the demon is actively trying to push you as Crowleys cock twitches when he makes a show of running his hand down his chest, inching closer to his own dick. You know he’s definitely testing your patience on purpose, but you keep your face neutral when you speak. He knows you’re the one in charge here and you won’t give him the satisfaction of letting him see the flash of agitation that courses through you.

“Crowley,” you say warningly, voice low as you keep your eyes on his face. He freezes the movement of his hand and reluctantly rests both hands on Aziraphales shoulders. Crowleys behavior isn’t unusual though, as he usually tries to see how much he can tip toe the line before you punish him and it’s clear he just wants to act like a brat tonight. You sniff once and decide to ignore him, knowing it’ll piss him off. You look at Aziraphale, who gives you a sweet smile, letting his palms rest on the tops of his thighs now. You return the smile, feeling your love for the Angel blossom warmly in your chest. He’s such a good boy for you.

“Angel, you’ve been so good, you can relax for a moment, why don’t you come here and sit next to me,” you purr, praising him. He blushes and you see his pretty pink cock kick at your sweet praise. He eagerly nods his head and starts to move away from Crowley, who makes a noise of protest in response.

“Yes my love,” he replies obediently, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, close to you, with his feet on the floor. He leans his weight back on his hands as he angles his body slightly toward you. His cock leans against his lower belly, drooling slightly and he obeys the unspoken rule of not touching himself.

You reach over to run your fingers through the Angels soft hair once affectionately. You get a soft hum in return. Focusing back on Crowley you move your fingers in a come hither motion, waiting for Crowley to obey you. Surprisingly he does so without protest, crawling forward on his knees and then sitting on his haunches in front of you. You glance at Aziraphale, making sure he’s watching. You know it turns the Angel on, he loves to witness you be more dominant, especially when it’s directed at the demon. Your eyes meet his pretty blue ones and you wink at him, smiling cheekily. The Angel feels a thrill tingle down his spine.

You turn your gaze back to Crowley, who seems to be annoyed he didn’t have your undivided attention. You giggle at his expression, which makes his cheeks turn red. His pretty lips tug into a scowl. You smile, not kindly, and bring your hand up, wrapping your fingers around his jaw tightly, forcing his head straight to look into your eyes. Your fingers press into his warm skin and his snake like eyes widen a bit, tracking back and forth. You make a tsk sound and shake your head softly in disappointment. He watches you, his eyes half lidded. You bend closer, getting into his face and you whisper menacingly, eyes sharp.

“If you try to break my rules again Crowley, I’m gonna have our Angel finger you open and then I’m gonna fuck him instead and make you watch from the side. I’ll tie your hands behind your back if I have too,” you growl, squeezing his jaw tightly as you lean back. Crowley stares at you, unblinking, unable to let his mouth fall open due to your tight grip. Your words sent heat blazing down his spine and straight to his cock. You hear Aziraphales soft groan from your left and you look over at him, admiring the way his hands clench the sheets beneath his fingers, knuckles white. His chest is pink now as well and you can see his dick jump occasionally as he watches you and Crowley. You smirk and look back at Crowley when he whines in his throat.

“Do you hear me?” you ask firmly, raising an eyebrow. Crowley nods the best he can. “Say it,” you demand, dropping your grip on his jaw.

“Y-yes I understand my love,” he chokes out, chewing on his bottom lip. You nod once in approval. Moving away from them both, you slip around to the side of the bed, getting up and crawling to lay down near the headboard. The two of them have turned to watch you, eyes lustful as they watch you lay your head on one of the pillows. You bend your legs and plant your feet, digging your toes into the soft sheets below. Raising up on your elbows, you give the others a pointed look, seeing as they both have remained silent.

“Well? Come here my pretty little demon, sit in my lap,” you purr, fingers coming up to motion him forward. Crowley wastes no time and crawls up the bed toward you, looking excited at what’s to come. He gets between your legs and slips through, a leg on each side of your hips as he sits down. The movement causes his hard, overly heated cock to make contact with the cool material of the strap on and he jolts a little, rubbing his cock further against yours and he cries out. Your hands shoot out to grip his waist, keeping him still and he shifts his weight, getting used to the feeling. Once you’ve got him steady you decide it’s time to get your Angel involved.

“Angel,” you call out, “do you mind coming up here and stretching open our bratty demon please? I’ll give you a treat afterwards,” Smirking, you run your thumbs over Crowleys hip bones and he moans lowly. You hear Aziraphale giggle happily.

“Of course dear, you know I love getting him ready,” he teases. You hear the sheets rustle as he comes up behind Crowley, hearing the sharp cracking sound of skin on skin as the demon yelps and you giggle. Crowley scowls at you as Aziraphale bends him over, forcing the demon to place a hand on either side of your head to balance his weight and expose his pretty arse. You frame his face with your hands, thumbs running over his cheeks.

“What’s wrong you naughty little demon? I thought you liked getting spanked,” you tease, grinning cheekily. His frown deepens and he pokes your cheek.

“Don’t be mean doll,” he says, letting his head hang between his shoulders as he lets out a low groan. You can’t see what’s going on but you know Azirphale must’ve started fingering him. You remember the feel of having your fingers sucked into Crowleys tight, slick heat and your pussy aches to be filled. You try to ignore the sensation and your lips pull into an amused smile as you hear the little choked moans Crowley lets out as his arse is stretched open by the Angels thick fingers. You’re no stranger to the feeling and you know Crowleys on cloud 9.

“How many fingers has he taken Angel?” you ask curiously after a moment, letting go of the demons face and running your fingers through Crowleys soft red hair as he lets his weight relax onto your chest, forehead on the mattress right next to your head, arse propped up into the air. The slick tip of Crowleys cock leaves a sticky kiss on your lower belly when he shifts his weight. You shiver lightly as you feel what must be Aziraphales free hand, smoothly tickling his fingers up your inner thigh, wanting to touch you too. You moan gently at his touch.

“He’s already taken two, seems as if our dearest was eager for this,” he teases, with a sweet laugh as he presses his fingers inside of Crowley again, making the demon jolt forward. His arms instantly snake under your head and around your neck as he buries his face into your neck.

“Ah!” he cries out, thrusting his hips forward, accidentally rubbing the tip of his flushed cock against yours again, which makes him curse loudly. You grit your teeth because by this point, listening to them both, feeling Crowley writhe around as he’s finger fucked, you’re so unbelievably turned on, so wet you can feel it trail from your pussy down to your arse. The ache for one of them to fill you is so strong. Your cheeks burn, but you have enough self control and a plan to get through this. You know one of them is going to be fucking you at the end. So, trying to shove your own arousal down your throat, you continue to shower Crowley with filthy, sweet nothings as he gets stretched open.

“Oh my you cheeky little pup, is the Angel making your sweet arse feel so good? Hmm pretty baby?” you coo to Crowley, wrapping your arms around his upper back to keep him in place with his arse in the air. Crowley always loves any sort of dirty talk that flows from your mouth.

“Oh fuck! Yes, yes so good, shit, please love, want you inside of me, I want to ride you,” he pants, moaning against your neck, his breath heating your skin. He writhes in your hold and tightens his arms around your neck, letting out a whimper. You hum in acknowledgment, deciding to check in with Aziraphale, if nothing else but to annoy the demon further.

“Is he ready Angel?” you ask casually, running your hand up and down Crowleys upper back. You see Aziraphales adoring smile as you look over Crowleys shoulder and the Angel nods quickly.

“Yes dear, our old boy is definitely ready, he’s being such a good boy and taking all of what I give him,” Aziraphale praises, running his free hand soothingly over Crowleys lower back. The demon just moans in response, teeth digging in slightly at the base of your neck. You feel another heady pulse of arousal in your pussy at the sharp sting of his teeth and you bite your lower lip hard enough you think it might split. Letting out a breath of air steadily through your nose you reply, letting him know just what you had in mind for him.

“Good job Angel, I told you I wouldn’t leave you out yeah? I want you to sit on my face and let me eat your sweet arse while Crowley rides me okay?” you say, voice gentle but with no room for argument. You know Aziraphale gets shy admitting it but he loves sitting on your face and letting you lick at his hole until he cums hard, hips moving wildly. You fucking love it and you usually save it for times like this. Getting crushed under the Angels soft, thick thighs, you’d die happily. You hear the choked out moan that leaves lips as he slips his fingers free from Crowley and crawls out from behind the demon, who did let out a groan at the feeling of loss.

“Yes love, whatever you say,” he says easily, trying to keep his voice casual as he maneuvers himself until he’s sitting next your head on his haunches. You laugh, amused.

“Shit, that’s gonna make me cum so fast if I’m watching you eat his arse and riding you,” Crowley whimpers, complaining into your skin. You grin wickedly and unwind your arms from his shoulders. You push at his chest, getting him unstick himself from you and sit up in your lap.

“Well that’s good because I’m not letting you touch your cock this time, you wanted this so bad? Well you’re gonna work for it,” you tell him, running your hands over his slender thighs. His lips turn downward into a pout but he doesn’t argue, not so secretly loving being bossed around by you. You hear Aziraphale chuckle gently from beside you.

“Okay my little love, can we please get on with it?” Crowley says, wiggling his hips impatiently. He’s still hard and his cock bobs with his movements. Your pink tongue darts out to run it over you lips and you pat the sides of his hips, urging him to raise up. He raises to his knees but you think this would probably start out better if he got onto his feet.

“Crowley, love, I want you to get into a squatting position to ride me, it’ll be better that way,” you say, watching his eyebrows raise.

“Are you bloody serious? That’s gonna be so much harder!” he whines. You just stare at him, letting him know it’s an order not a suggestion. He purses his lips and dramatically moves into position. Planting his feet and leaning forward to brace his hands gently on your chest, squeezing your breasts.

“Don’t be such a brat, you know I’ll help you if you need it sweet thing,” you coo, smirking up at him. You bring your hand down to grip the base of your cock, wrapping your fingers around it and bracing it upwards, running the tip of it over Crowleys still very slick hole and you watch his eyes flutter as he moans and starts to sink downwards.

“Fine, fine, just don’t tease,” he pants, tilting his head down to watch you start to stretch his arse and disappear inside of him. You bring your free hand to his hip and tilt them towards you by an inch and just like that the head pops in, past his rim. He lets out a choked out sound, hands gripping your breasts tightly. You bite the tip of your tongue and let go of your cock while he seats himself fully, letting your cock stretch his sensitive rim completely. You let your hands rest on the sheets as you study him.

You’re letting Crowley adjust to your cock filling his arse for a second when you hear a soft whine come from your right side. You turn your head to see Aziraphale still sitting on his calves, clenching his hands into fists where they rest on his thighs, face bright red. You see his cock twitch a couple times, coming back to slap softly against his belly. You can tell how worked up he is by now. You know it won’t take too much to push him over the edge. He must be on the edge of bursting from not touching himself all this time. He’s such a good Angel for listening and you definitely didn’t forget about him.

“Oh don’t worry my sweet, I didn’t forget about you, I’m gonna let you sit on my face soon okay? I’m just letting our princess here get adjusted, you’re being such a good Angel for me,” you say soothingly, reaching a hand out rub his thigh.

“I know my love, it’s just so enchanting watching the way Crowley rides you,” he says, brushing hair off your forehead. You smile smugly.

“Well enjoy the show then Angel,” you tease and turn back to face Crowley, who seems to have his bearings about him again. You slip your hands under his arse, gripping his flesh, and press upwards, biceps flexing as he raises up. He uses his thighs and feet to balance as he starts to ride you with your help. He lets go of your breasts and braces his hands on his knees, using them as leverage as he starts to bounce. As you help him get into a rhythm you feel your own arousal hit you like a freight train again. You watch where your cock slides into Crowley, filling him over and over while his mouth hangs open. His eyes are shut and he looks so fucking sexy bouncing on your cock.

“Fuck Crowley,” you breathe, “you look absolutely unbelievable. Does it feel good sweet thing?” you purr, voice soft as your arms start to ache a bit from helping him move. He opens his eyes to look at you, letting out a whine. He feels his legs start to burn a little bit, but the angle is fucking amazing and he’s able to hit that spot that makes his entire body shake, pleasure shooting through his limbs like electricity every time. It easily makes him feel like he’s gonna cum in no time at all.

“Shit! Ah, fuck, yes it feels so so good darling,” he babbles as he jolts harshly. You think he must’ve been hitting his sweet spot. Thinking you can probably let him keep up the pace on his own now, you take your hands out from under him. Looking over to Aziraphale he seems to be entranced watching the demon ride you.

“Aziraphale, sit on my face lovely,” you say softly, snapping him out of it. He looks down at you and nods eagerly. “Kiss me first though Angel,” you request, smiling coyly.

“Yes, okay, I’m so ready dear,” he says, voice bright as he bends down, pressing his soft lips to yours firmly. You moan into his mouth as he rolls his lips firmly against yours a few times. You bite his bottom lip sharply and turn your head, breaking the kiss. You wink at him in approval and he takes that as his cue to raise to his knees, shuffling closer and throwing a leg over your head. He’s facing Crowley as he hovers over your mouth, making heated eye contact with the demon, noticing Crowley was watching the two of you kiss as he kept a steady rhythm bouncing on your cock.

You see the Angels thick arse above you and your tongue runs over your bottom lip. For now you resist the urge to bite roughly into his fleshy arse. Wanting to move on you shift your weight and raise your head up to press a soft kiss on Aziraphales arse cheek. You hear the Angel moan lowly. Before you pull the Angel down to devour him, you speak to Crowley once more.

“Crowley my love, you can ride me however you like, but don’t touch yourself, you’re cumming untouched, is that clear?” you say, voice steady and strong. You hear him whine, but he must agree because you feel him sit down fully. He maneuvers his legs until he’s on his knees again. Crowely starts to roll his hips back and forth in your lap, groaning when your cock presses firmly against his sweet spot. You think that’s good enough, not having the patience to make the demon speak. You snake one arm under the Angel and wrap it around Aziraphales thigh. You use the other hand to spank his arse sharply, digging your nails in there and spreading him open. It allows you to see his pretty pink hole. You hear a soft gasp from the Angel as you blow cool air over his heated flesh, feeling goosebumps erupt under the fingers on his thigh.

“Oh- doll, please,” Aziraphale whines. You take mercy on him and pull on his thigh, forcing him to sit and make contact with your mouth. He cries out loudly when he feels your wet, warm tongue swipe over his hole, he digs his fingers into his thighs. You let go of his arse cheek and wrap both arms around his thighs, holding him close as you start to run your tongue up and down over his warm hole, massaging the swirl of skin with your tongue, getting him wet. You feel his thighs tense next to your head.

You start a steady pace with your mouth, licking firmly and dipping the tip of your tongue shallowly in his hole a few times. When you take a moment to suck on the soft skin with your lips it sounds like someone ripped the sounds from the Angels chest. Aziraphales letting out sharp ah sounds with every movement of your tongue, panting hard. You feel Crowley start to bounce again, he must’ve been watching before but he’s moving quickly now. The way his thighs smack against your pelvis has your insides twisting with want. You hear the little whines spilling from his mouth. Aziraphale starts to wail when you press your tongue deeper into his hole, wiggling the warm muscle in as much as you can. You moan against him and he feels the vibrations in his cock.

“Oh! Hah, love-ah! Your mouth, it feels so amazing, I may not last much longer,” Aziraphale whines, rocking his hips. You feel a bit surprised he’s already this close to cumming but you do think about how he hasn’t been able to touch himself this entire time. Fingering Crowley open and then watching him ride you. He must’ve been really close to the edge already. You pull him tighter and really get to work, jaw aching from the effort.

“Already Angel?” Crowley pants, teasing him slightly. Crowley leans forward to brace his hands on the bed by your chest. Aziraphale laughs breathlessly as he rolls his hips back and forth over your mouth, holding onto his thighs for balance.

“You’re one to talk dear, you already look like you’re going to combust,” he cuts off with a groan. Aziraphale can feel the tightening sensation in his belly, cock drooling and jumping as your pretty mouth licks firm stripes against his hole again and again. Crowley isn’t any better, his thighs ache but he won’t have to do much more to make himself cum. Riding you, watching you eat the Angels arse, it’s all too much. Crowley burns, skin sticky with sweat and his limbs tingle pleasurably as the demon climbs the sweet peak of his orgasm.

You take the chance to move a hand from the Angels thigh to wrap around the middle of his shaft. You start to pump your hand quickly, sucking harshly on the soft skin of his hole. The Angels eyes widen, breath catching his chest as his heart hammers, so close to cumming. The next soft lick of your tongue makes Aziraphale still, he throws his head back, his voice loud enough to reach the heavens as he wails, thighs clenching around your head. He’s cumming hard, limbs filling with molten lava as his cock throbs in your hand and he covers it with his sticky release.

“Angel! Oh for fucks sake, that’s not fucking fair,” Crowley gasps, unable to hold back his orgasm any longer. The demons eyes trained on the way Aziraphales face twists in pleasure, his cheeks flushed and his cum all over your hand. He fucks himself back on your cock, two, three more times before he’s sitting down fully, eyes squeezing shut as he rolls his hips. His dick kicks, cum spurting out all over your belly.

“That’s it Crowley, good job dear boy,” Aziraphale purrs, letting you slowly pump his shaft as he gets over sensitive. Feeling your tongue flick slowly over his hole, he groans in his throat. You let go of his cock, patting his thigh twice and the Angel slips off your face to lay on the bed beside you, trying to recover. The Angel must’ve miracled the mess away because you no longer find yourself covered in their releases.

You wipe your saliva covered mouth with the back of your hand, tilting your head up to look at Crowley, who’s still sitting fully in your lap. Hands still braced on either side of you. He’s breathing heavily, chest flushed. You hum happily, seeing both of your boys have been satisfied.

“Look at you Crowley, you were so good, making yourself cum on my cock,” you praise him. He laughs softly, but winces as he raises himself off of your cock, flopping down on your right side. You start to feel where the material of the straps has been digging into your skin and you undo them, pulling them out from under you and taking the strap on off. You sigh in relief and lean up to toss it off to the side, before laying flat.

“Feeling okay my loves?” you ask lovingly, resting a hand on each of their chests. Twin sounds of agreement reach you ears. You’re feeling very content with the evening. Of course, you had hoped one of them would have enough energy to slip inside of you afterwards and make you cum so hard you saw stars, but you knew it didn’t always happen when you wore them out. Really you don’t mind having to take care of yourself sometimes. You let them rest, listening to the sounds of their breathing and take your hand off of the Angels chest to trail it down your belly aiming to touch your clit.

It shocks you when a hand grips your wrist stopping you, it was Aziraphales. You turn to look at him, eyes slightly wide. He raises an eyebrow and smiles shyly.

“I don’t think so my love, let me return the favor,” he says sweetly, letting go of your wrist and sitting up to move around and get in between your thighs. You hear Crowley chuckle from your other side and you look at him as you feel Aziraphale scoot even closer, rubbing his once again hard cock through your slick folds. You shiver and let out a groan.

“We wouldn’t leave you unsatisfied love, especially not after taking care of us so well,” he purrs, smirking and propping himself up on an elbow to watch. You feel Aziraphale guide his cock into your aching pussy, stretching you deliciously as he bottoms out in one thrust. It sends warm waves of pleasure through all your limbs. This feeling is what you’ve been waiting for all night and your back arches into the movement. You wail, letting your eyes flutter shut. The pleasure is unbelievable after waiting for so long, tingles dancing up your spine and warmth pooling quickly in your belly.

You pull the Angel down swiftly and dig your nails into his back, wrapping your legs around his hips as he fucks into you fast and rough. He snakes his arms under your back and you let him pound you into the mattress. He makes you cum so hard your vision gets blurry. In the end he makes you cum at least three times. The other two finishing at least once more. Crowley jerking himself off from the side as he watches the Angel fuck you. The three of you end up in a pile under the covers on your shared bed, sleeping soundly. The next morning you wake up thinking that sly demon does have some truly great ideas.

[twelvemonkeyswere]

I re-read Good Omens via audiobook and I just collected my favorite details

"Crowley rather liked people" is a quote I still love so much. Even though he is a demon with the job of making people upset each other, he likes humans. The contrast between what they make him do and how he experiences Earth.

That scene with the ducks where Crowley almost drowns a duck and Aziraphale is like "I say, my dear" and Crowley is like "Oh yes I forgot myself" and allows the duck to return to the surface. Crowley is usually very polite about the most unhinged things which I just find endearing

All the times Aziraphale calls Crowley "dear boy"

The fact Aziraphale has "exquisitely manicured" hands lmao. I like to think he does go to the manicurist, same as he has a proper barber in the show

Aziraphale blushes sometimes and often gives mean looks to customers to push them out of shop

I like the on-going theme in the Good Omens universe of wanting to build a better world for loved ones, but how that drive, when taken to an extreme, is self destructive. Adam says he'll make the earth good for the Them, and will make sure the Them will be protected and happy in it. But the Them don't want it, they understand Adam is acting out and is not thinking things through. There is no point in trying to possess something and bend it to will forcefully. It wouldn't be good. It wouldn't be of free will. It would make them just another of his whims and no one, either the Them or Adam, actually want that

Aziraphale thinks Crowley is a creature of God when you "get right down to it", which is a thought both meaner and kinder than he realizes

Crowley is described to have "a voice so laid-back you could lay a carpet on it"and it's my most favorite thing ever lmaooo

"You're seducing women here!" /"I think perhaps you got the wrong shop" is always a brilliant line

Even though everything in the Bently turns into Queen's Greatest Hits, I love that Crowley actually loves music, and keeps his collection of records highly organized

Also love the fact that Crowley keeps his apartment orderly, though that's probably in big part because he doesn't really live there

I do appreciate that Crowley sleeps because he wants to, not because he needs to. Truly a relatable guy.

There's a big HOLY SHIT moment in the audiobook - the speech the American evangelist gives about the apocalypse. It's fucking incredible. The actor is amazing, delivering fire and brimstone and absolute hatred and certainty until Aziraphale pops inside of him.

Death really is Azrael, literally the angel of death

Aziraphale comes up with the solution at the end but ONLY because of Crowley, who challenged Aziraphale about the difference between the great plan and ineffable plan at the very beginning of the book

There are many moments where both Crowley and Aziraphale are thought to be a gay couple, but it really made me laugh that they are at the end of the world, telling each other it's been a pleasure to know each other all this time, and then Shadwell interrupts to call them "Nancy Boys"

Everyone in the Good Omens fandom is right, I do love that in the book, the wings of demons and angels are the same color

Crowley thinks the biggest battle will be heaven and hell vs humanity. This has got me thinking a lot. I figure this is because at some point humanity will rebel against any divine intervention, once we figure out that heaven and hell have been playing dice with us. But we'll see.

It does warm my heart that the story begins and ends with a garden and with the eating of the apple - Adam doesn't know why the old man hates people touching his apples so much, but the world would be a lot less interesting if he didn't. It's a fitting end for a fitting beginning.

[vidavalor]

Why does Crowley in season 2 have sideburns and Crowley in season 1 doesn't?🤔🐍

Because he's actually Elvis in S2. It's a theory I've been keeping to myself for awhile now because I was worried people might think I'd lost it but I feel comfortable enough now with all of you to share that I'm 150% sure that this will be revealed midway through 3.04, when Gabriel will return to tell Aziraphale that he forgot to mention it before he left for Alpha Centauri but he's had the real Crowley in a magical cell in Heaven since the end of S1. The one Aziraphale's been sleeping with since then is actually The King in disguise. (Elvis is supernatural so he can shapeshift, obviously, in case you were worried that I didn't think that bit through.)

Upon learning this, Aziraphale will pause, consider, then smirk and wiggle a little bit while making a dirty joke that involves the phrase "burning love", and then politely ask for his actual Crowley back. When Gabriel shrugs and says it's not his department because he doesn't work there anymore, Aziraphale's flaming sword will appear in his hand to match his rage. He'll slay Gabriel like Adam did the lion outside of Eden (because parallels, you guys...). The King-- who really didn't want to be a part of this and doesn't want to go on together with suspicious minds with anyone anymore-- chooses redemption, whips out his lethal banana (you gutter brains, it's an actual fucking banana...) and goes with Aziraphale to storm Heaven to rescue Crowley. David Tennant's really going to be stretched thin playing two characters at the same time in S3 atop all the flashbacks but we know he can make it work.

When they finally get through Michael (this takes about 40 seconds), our scrappy gang of Az, Elvis, a pair of ragtime singer ghosts played by Nina Sosanya and Maggie Service, and Crowley's two most emotionally damaged plants find the real Crowley curled up in the fetal position singing "All Shook Up" to himself (he and Elvis are permanently psychically linked now but don't worry, it's not a big deal, just a callback to the fly) and the dramatic score swells as Aziraphale rushes over and finally lays one on the real Crowley.

Aziraphale then recaps S2 to the real Crowley, who just stares. The only thing he reacts to is learning that Elvis snogged his girl. In a fit of rage, he has the Maggie and Nina ragtime ghosts (who are also angels, it's complicated) make him holy water and then hurls it at the demonic King of Rock 'n Roll, who lives long enough to sing: "Lord, Almighty, I feel my temperature risin'" before being eviscerated.

We might expect Frances McDormand to return here for this but she doesn't. We will be left wondering why The Voice of God didn't even show up to respond to the dying King and what that meant.

Except remember when I said that Crowley and Elvis were psychically linked?! Yeah. Crowley starts to die and Aziraphale sobs because, really, this was all very avoidable. This is when we all get wibbly because "A Nightingale Sings in Berkeley Square" covered by AI replicating the voice of Elvis plays as Crowley begins to draw the last breath he doesn't need to take. He dies. We're all sobbing. But it's okay because, as the final credits roll, Lord Beezlebub then appears, looks at the ridiculous mess in front of them, just says "this is so dumb", and then zaps Crowley back to life.

I don't know about you all but that really seems the most logical explanation to me. Especially since the alternative is just: "because he felt like it."

[actual-changeling]

there's a human!au in my head that no one asked for but that i am obsessed with because of all the details you can give their breakup that way. give me sad, depressed, fucked-up crowley who is forced to keep living and working and moving all on his own.

crowley coming home to a silent flat for the first time, only one set of keys on top of the hallway drawer, half the coats gone. everything is too open, too quiet, made unfamiliar by the absence of the heart of its familiarity.

there is an empty, abandoned cup of tea on the kitchen counter aziraphale forgot to put away. he stares at it for an hour and then doesn't move it for a week. all the tea cups end up in the same cupboard, hidden from view.

he keeps checking his phone. the lack of notifications, the lack of angel written across his screen, last message sent 6:23 in the morning, one day ago.

out getting breakfast, love you

crowley never texted him back, he called him instead. time keeps moving, the message keeps ageing. when his phone runs out of battery, he doesn't charge it for three days.

the only place he can sleep is in a half-empty bed, clinging to what is left of his presence. he hates sleeping in it. he still does, every single night.

every unfinished book, every discarded note, every piece of evidence that aziraphale had been here, lived here, loved here—he keeps them. out of sight, sometimes, but he keeps them. just in case he comes back. just in case.

he has to, they never opened that bottle of wine they were looking forward to.

(it stares at him from across the kitchen table sometimes, when he cannot sleep or breathe or walk or think, when he sits underneath a single flickering light and looks at it until he goes numb.)

[mrghostrat]

If you end up doing reverse bnf, does that mean we get more possessive Crowley 👀

(I know it wouldn’t be one for one but I’m specifically thinking about that bar kiss with Aziraphale staring that stranger down. It lives in my mind rent free tbh. it’s so good but the reverse would also be amazing to see)

oohhhohoh. i haven't thought about any of the plot beats beyond the initial set up, but i'd love to give crowley a chance to shine like aziraphale did in that fucking pub 👁️👁️

so far i've pictured the initial proposal (this would work so great as a perfect mirror of the phone call in bnf), aziraphale going to the con for the artist alley rather than the pub meet ups, the shared hotel room turning into hangouts at crowley's london apartment, and getting the "i'd always know the stain was there" scene into it. since reverse!aziraphale is a little slower on the uptake, could have a lot of fun making a "i forgot all the books" scene as well 👀 i will keep u updated if a possessive crowley scene comes to mind 😈

[novthewolf]

Two’s company, three’s a family - Part five

Summary : As a cupid, an angel of love, your mission was to make sure everyone was paired up with the right person. Yet you couldn’t get your two most ancient clients to finally end up together. And despite the 6,000 years spent on the case, you couldn’t bring yourself to give them up, oblivious to the reason…

Pairing : Aziraphale x Crowley / GN!Reader x Crowley / GN!Reader x Aziraphale (polyamorous relationship).

Parts : First - Previous - Next

Masterlist : Here

Warnings : foul language, mild nudity (chest), mention of s3x, drug mention, gun use, mild violence slow burn, english isn’t my first language.

Words : 4,4k 

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"Mmh... are... you sleeping ?" A very confused voice asked

"Nnh ?!" You shot up on your bed, feeling the blanket shuffle down on your legs. You tried to open your eyes in a panic before hissing when sunlight punched your irises. The curtains. You forgot the damn curtains.

"You guys gotta stop doing that... I have a door, you know." You rubbed your eyes.

It was Mihael. How nice of her to wait over night to scold you for your behaviour. You weren't naive; you knew Adriel would go complain to his friend. But you were smart enough to know she wouldn't say anything about it. It's been centuries since she learned you could actually feel. Yet she never said a word about it to Chamuel or Jophiel. You did not fully trust her, but she was okay.

"What is it like to sleep ?" Mihael was always curious, but she lacked the bravery to try. Whether it was food, walking, sex, or, in that case, sleep, to satisfy her hunger for knowledge and experimentation, she came to you.

"Mmh, peaceful.. I guess-" You looked down at your chest and decided you had enough that people kept catching you half naked. So you snatched up your tank top and got up.

"Just peaceful ? That's it ?" She jumped on through the window on your bed, shoes on. Ugh.

"Yeah, yeah, and... energised too. Listen, Mihael, why don't you tell me what you want ?"

Yes, you were a bit rude, but you just didn't have time; you needed to get to Aziraphale to discuss where the boy might be. And if you wonder, you never went to Crowley's flat. Risking being caught by unexpected visitors was enough of a reason to not visit.

"Right, right ! So..." She looked down, gloomy. "It's time, Y/N; we're going to unfold the Bound soon." She confessed with a sad smile.

You shuddered. Fuck. You forgot about that.

"You know, the four horsmen are being summoned, and we need to lay off the Love so War can fully step in."

"Yeah, I can't come into my full power..."

"Really ? Me too !" She chirped, delighted that you shared her point of view. You scoffed but smiled anyway. It's really a shame she'll never get to experience human life.

"So, now we must turn off the flow of love and go back to heaven to prepare for war."

You ruffled your hair and grabbed a drink of water. Mihael's piercing eyes were etched on the glass, and you handed it to her with a sigh. She looked so happy, you almost wanted to laugh. How selfless of you...

She didn't quite know how to drink, however, but you decided to let her test the water, so to speak. Mihael coughed a bit.

"Does that mean hate demons will rise too ?" You interrogated, your tone genuinely dull.

"Oh, they better not ! They'll have to wait for the battle to start, those worthless rascals..."

The cupid suddenly gasped and looked at you with guilt. You know she didn't mean to insult him. Your lip twitched, but you sent her a reassuring smile. Still, she couldn't shake the regret out of her scent.

"You know, maybe he didn't turn into a hate demon..." Her sweet voice faltered as she went on.

"It's fine, Mihael. You should go; I'm sure Adriel is waiting for you." You cajoled her while leading her to the door. Yes, you have a door.

"About that..." She stopped and turned around. Her dark pink eyes just scanned yours to convey what she meant. Not that she had to; you could smell the snowy nights from miles away. "Just be careful, Y/N."

Her advice kind of fell on deaf ears. You were always cautious, but you didn't live in fear of what they'd do to you if they found out you were out of line. Yet, they dread the simple thought of what you could be. You sloped against your wooden door. What a good way to start the day...

Calling off all Love so War can enter the picture. It just felt so contradictory. You were a being of love and peace; how could you be excited to see humans kill each other and fight in a war, possibly going against Crowley or... well, you knew who. You will not let this world be torn to smithereens. It's your safe place, your heaven. Your home.

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You strolled through the busy London streets, eager to get to Aziraphale as quickly as possible. A few people bumped your shoulders, stomped on your toes, and cursed at you. The withdrawal of love was already happening. Unsettled in an unwelcoming environment made you skittish, and you picked up the speed.

As you reached the bookshop, you stopped to analyse its not-so-familiar presence. The energy was angelic, yes, but it was so powerful...

Shit.

Archangels. And they were just leaving.

"Whoop- !" You activated your spell hastily. The chime rang, and the two entities simply walked off.

"No war, without war. Ah ! That's quite the line !" Grabriel almost yodeled. Right. You stayed there with heavy breathing.

Subconsciously, you called off the spell. Or maybe you didn't cast it in the first place. In any case, you didn't expect to feel the pressure of someone's hand on your shoulder.

"AH !"

Adding to the fact that your heart was about to explode just a second ago' the speed of your twirl did nothing to help you stay steady on your feet. Luckily for you, Aziraphale was alert enough to come to your rescue. He pressed his hand against your scapula and held you against his torso. You felt the side of your mouth twitch.

"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't realise how nervous you were." He jived, his cheekbones showing. But the smell of grapefruit told you you were not the only one nervous here.

"What did they want ?" You asked, feeling the ground with your own two feet again.

"Oh, they were just checking the status of the Antichrist." He opened the door for you and followed your lead.

"Why ? Did they suspect anything ?"

"Surprisingly, no. Not a thing." He shrugged in disbelief. You liked the scent of disbelief m: custard. Yes, just custard. Kinda hard to believe, heh ?

"Mh, Crowley's right... Heaven's not very bright, heh ?" You snickered. You sat on the couch and happily watched him chuckle.

"It seems so. It kind of makes me wonder if we are too." He took his place next to you.

"Oh no, we're bright." You started, glancing at him while pretending to reflect. "But we're also walking disasters.." You snorted.

"We can say the same about Crowley, then." He laughed and slid his right leg underneath his left thigh. You giggled and took a big breath of the new smell. Ah, freesia and blueberry pie; there's nothing better.

"Absolutely." You leaned back on the seat, literally comforted by the scent. "I just don't understand... What happened during the baby swap ?"

A few minutes pass. Minutes later, you just stared at each other. Before finally realising what might be the source of the problem.

"I think... I'm going to call Crowley reel quick-"

The ringtone of the bookshop's phone rang, interrupting you. Aziraphale quickly got up, with the help of his hand on your knee.

"Maybe it's him." He muttered while picking it up. "Hello, Fell's Bookshop, what can I do for you ?"

You waited for him. For a few seconds. Then you got bored. You left Eden at home, so you didn't have any company. So you decided to roam around the library.

"The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter ?"

The sculpture of a prancing horse proudly sat on a small table. You always had a lot of fun drawing the details with your fingers since the day he created his bookshop, which was also the first day you ate chocolate, if you remember correctly. You blew away the little dust that settled on his back, and flew right at you, making you cough.

"But there are..." He stopped to see what you were doing. You smiled, charming him up. His nose simply twitched before resuming. "There are no copies of her book available."

You stepped away from the horse and instead looked through Aziraphale's prophecy books. It has always amused me how humans try so helplessly to predict what the future holds. You were no stranger to the thought; you had your fair share of doubts about your own future. However, you learned what happens when you ask too many questions.

"I don't have it. Nobody has-" The sudden silence pushed you to study the angel's face. Apparently, the correspondent wasn't the most polite boy. His mouth was set in a hard line, and he stuck his nose in the air. He was so outraged that he reeked of watermelon and curry. You would agree that it's not a nice combination. Also, you hadn't noticed, but his glasses were quite fancy on him. You shook the thought away.

"Well, there really is no need for that kind of language." He hung up and put down his glasses. You couldn't help but stare for a moment. His bright, white hair caught the sun in its lock, giving him a glow to his already stunning face. Oh, stop already, will you ?

When you finally gawked back at the shelves, a huge brown spider welcomed you.

"Fuck- !" You yelled and fell back down with a loud thud, knocking a few books on your way. Azirphale gasped and sprinted by your side.

"Are you okay ?" He was very anxious. You were just embarrassed out of your mind.

"I'm fine... Let's just call Crowley already."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hey, this is Anthony Crowley. You know what to do. Do it with style."

No, it wasn't the demon answering machine. It was just you mocking him. Which he didn't seem to enjoy.

"Haha, keep laughing, and I'll bring back the spider to your face." He growled. "Why are you afraid of spiders anyway? Aren't you supposed to love all animals?"

Aziraphale was such a snitch ! Right after he got Crowley on the phone, he told him about your fall. You very distinctly heard his laugh after that.

"Stop your bickering, you two! And watch the road." He sighed, not comfortable at all. He didn't like speed that much. Nonetheless, for his best, Crowley should be the one to drive. You might give him a heart attack if you were the one behind the wheel.

"You've lost the boy."

"We've lost him." He corrected.

"A child has been lost. But you still know his age." He started to point.

"We know." He once again corrected

"We get it: you don't want to be the only one responsible." You rolled your eyes. Congratulations! You earned yourself a growl.

"We know his birthday. He's 11." Aziraphale was trying his best to keep your attention.

"You make it sound easy."

"Well, it can't be that hard..."

"At least it reduces the search area." You flapped your hand. You were still frustrated, and you felt his discouragement slowly becoming yours. Your heart filter wasn't doing very well. We only have to find his birth record."

"And then what ?"

"Well, then we find the child." Azirphale smiled. At least you could feel his hope too.

"And then what ?"

Aziraphale didn't know what to say. He simply stared at Crowley. Until a car honk cut short his attempt to find a solution.

"Watch out for that pedestrian !" The angel bawled with alacrity.

"Woah- !" You shouted. The movement had you flying on the left side of the back seat. You've never so close to the goddamn door.

"She's on the street; she knows the risk she's taking." He dissmissed. "And I'm sure it would help you two stop breathing down my neck."

You scoffed.

Oh, I'll give you 'breathing down your neck.

You scooted over to the right seat and leaned behind Crowley. Your mouth grazed his ear, and you felt the tiniest tilt of his head, like he forced himself not to move. So prideful, you joked to yourself.

"Just watch the road." You breathed down his neck. You grinned as you watched gooey bumps form on his skin. He really hated it. You laughed and pulled back. You patted his shoulders and repeated yourself. "Watch the road."

Your laughter died out as you saw Aziraphale gulp. You took back your place in the middle, almost guilty.

"Sorry, I forgot about personal space again."

Crowley's sunglasses blocked your view of his eyes; you couldn't tell if you had overstepped. We can all thank Aziraphale for his help in easing the tension.

Where is this hospital, anyway? He asked. He rubbed his sweaty palm on his trousers in an attempt to calm his nerves. Crowley coughed.

"Mh, a village near Oxford: Tadfield. His neck was still tensed. You really strung a string, huh?

"Crowley, you can't do 90 miles per hour in central London !"

"Why not ?"

"You'll get us killed! Well, inconveniently disincorporated. He granted.

"Oh God, no, not the paperwork..." You got disincorporated once, and it took you two years to finally get a new one. Still, you're sure it had been improperly delayed.

"Music ! Why don't I put on a little music...?" He hummed quizzically and looked over at you. "Do you know the Velvet Underground?"

"You wouldn't like it." Crowley interjected.

"Well, it kind of feels like you've been high the whole time."

"Oh, bepop!" He recognised you. You eyed him in disbelief before nodding.

"... Right-"

"Yah !" Aziraphale yelped. Crowley did a swerve to the right, flying you away in that direction.

"Brute !"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The air was stuffy. Like on a deeply hot day. It was overwhelming, too. As you left the car, you scanned around you, discretely sniffing the wind. It was not held in a constant flow of emotion; it permeated the air. But it felt good. It wasn't threatening in its presence; it just existed and belonged.

"Y/N ?" Crowley called out, standing in front of the manor gates next to Aziraphale. You studied the ark, made of bricks and white stone. The whole building was surrounded by metal fences, where you could at least see the central courtyard. Which seemed cluttered with a bunch of stuff.

"You're sure this is the right place? You wondered, doubtful.

You went to them, attempting to filter that particular emotion.

"It doesn't really look like a hospital." Aziraphale agreed with you when you got to their level.

But then it hit you. You gasped, like you'd been punched in the stomach. You grabbed the angel's arm to not collapse. That was so strong. You haven't felt such things in a long, long time.

"What is it ?" Crowley asked. You chuckled.

"It feels so loved." You gazed up. Aziraphale straightened your arm while he searched for it too. You pressed your hand to your chest. Your heart filter was giving you trouble, yes, but you sure as hell wouldn't complain about it.

"No, it's definitely the place. Crowley spoke, his tone faint.

"They're right..." He smiled at you, thrilled by the fulfilling sensation of love.

"Uh-hu... Sure, can we go see the nuns now ?" He led the way.

You scoffed. "Grumpy pants..." You followed in second.

Despite that, you looked at Aziraphale and giggled. You were glad to finally be able to share your joy without risking destruction for it. Immediately after, you three got shot by something.

"Argh !" For once, the three of you simultaneously exclaimed.

Crowley got hit inside his vest, right above the heart. In your case, the sharp pain was localised to your right hip. As for Aziraphale, the "bullet" struck his calf, making him hop on one foot for a second.

"What..."

You touched where the impact occurred and saw it was just... paint ?

"Blue ?" Aziraphale asked, ever-so-confused.

"Heh, yellow." You snorted. Oh, you've got red. You noticed Crowley's chest was covered with red paint. "One more, and we're Power Rangers.."

"Hey !" A nasal voice hollered. Crowley took one step forward in front of you and Aziraphale. The man in army clothing scoffed. What... are they doing out there? You saw the angel shuffle to see the state of his pants. "You've all been hit! I don't know what you think you're playing at-"

Crowley abruptly roared as his demon self and the whiny player fainted. "Well, that was fun." He smirked.

"Well, yes, fun for you. Look at the state of those trousers !" Aziraphale pivoted his leg for you to see. "I've kept them in tip-top condition for over 180 years now." Crowley started to circle around the both of you. "Oh, I'll never get this stain out."

"You could just miracle it away." You shuddered, saddened by his concern.

"Mmh, yes, but... Well, I would always know the stain was there." He explained, his tone brittle. You pouted with a smile. Ah, such pleading eyes ! How could you say no ? You twirled your wrist around, waving the paint away.

"Oh, thank you." You smiled and enjoyed the whiff of old books. The smell of thankfulness, if you wondered. You spotted the strange gun on the ground and picked it up.

"What a weird piece of hardware..." You enjoyed the design of it, actually. Might copy it, too. Replace the paintball stocking compartment with a crossbow flight groove and riser...

"Expert in the field ?" Crowley snorted before taking the gun away. "Don't your lot disapprove of guns ?" He asked and pretended to aim your way.

"Unless they're in the right hands," Aziraphale said, confiscating the weapon. "Then they give weight to a moral argument." His explanation seemed to amuse the demon, who had a big grin plastered on his face.

"A moral argument ? Really ?" He bugged the two of you. You were just thankful. Aziraphale took the subject into his own hands and just shrugged. He laughed a bit before walking towards the building.

"Come on."

Inside, a few posters and a board were displayed that showed the rules of "the paintball game". The reception seemed to also stock a few guns and helmets. Soon, they won't have to just play war... You heard the commotion through the window, plus a kindhearted "Fuck off" too.

"Charming..." Aziraphale mumbled to your right.

"Wonder where the nuns went ?" Crowley took a brochure from the little table on your left and inspected it.

"Any information about the former satanic maternity in that little paper of yours?" You teased. The demon forced a laugh before throwing the brochure away.

On your way, you encountered a young woman running your way.

"Oh, Millie from Accounts caught me on the elbow." She groaned. You ended up stopping diagonally. The angel bent slightly in front of her to check for a possible wound at her elbow. "Who's winning?"

"You're all going to lose." Crowley announced, since he was closer to her. He snapped his fingers, obviously operating a miracle. In an instant, the splashy sound of the bullets started to sound more like a machine gun than a fairly hurtful but still non-lethal weapon. The woman ran off.

"Huh..."

What the hell did you just do? Aziraphale snapped with frantic movements.

"Well, they wanted real guns, so I gave them what they wanted, he mused, visibly proud of himself. You followed right behind him. You couldn't help your incredulity and stared at him, mouth agape.

Once you got to a window, you and Aziraphale pressed against the window and saw barrels exploding, sparks, and dust everywhere.

"Crowley !" You stressed, running up to him.

"There are people out there shooting at each other. "The guardian lamented by your side.

"Well, it lends weight to their moral argument." He kicked a door, shattering glass in the process. Aziraphale joined his hands and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Everyone has free will, including the right to murder. Just think of it as a microcosm of the universe."

"Oh, don't try to lecture us, buddy !

"They're murdering each other." Aziraphale stood before Crowley, stopping him in his tracks. You joined him.

You saw Crowley roll his eyes, despite his glasses. "No, they aren't. No one's killing anyone; they're all having miraculous escapes. It wouldn't be any fun otherwise. He explained it before our pleading eyes.

You scoffed. You shared a knowing smile with Aziraphale. Sometimes, you forget that Crowley is actually a good person and are worried that he might harm humans. But he never did. Deep down, he really loved humankind. In a teasing mood, the two of you started to walk away in front of Crowley, discussing his case.

"Aah, what a softie." It was a real claim. One thing that the demon didn't particularly appreciate was that you felt him boil in your back. Aziraphale nodded.

"Of course. I've always said that, deep down, he really is a nice guy. He began, but gasped instead.

Well, both of you did.

Crowley had suddenly roared and seized you by your collars. He roughly pulled back, colliding both of your bodies against his. You stumbled back; your head clued his upper chest. You grabbed on to his waist to not fall. Aziraphale had landed a bit higher, at neck level, and was able to meet his gaze. He also stood approximately straight, while you were quite curled up against Crowley.

"Shut it ! I'm a demon; I'm not nice! You felt his voice rumble in his chest. You gulped. You weren't scared by any means, just... mh, troubled? "I'm never 'nice'. Nice is a four-letter word. I will not have-"

"Excuse me, gentlemen ?"

The pair both turned their heads towards the professional voice. All you could do was try to nuzzle your way up Crowley's arm to peek over the black vest.

"Sorry to break up an intimate moment. Can I help you? She slowed down, and Crowley had time to recognise her. You gazed up at him but couldn't quite make out his expression. Nor his smell.

"You." His grip loosened. You helped yourself back up with the help of your stretched-out arm. You saw Aziraphale analyse Crowley's expression.

"Saints and demons preserve us; it's Master Crowley-" The woman with short hair stepped back. She didn't have time to flee, however, as the demon snapped her in place.

"You didn't have to do that; you could have just asked her. Aziraphale scolded him while fixing his suit. Crowley opened his mouth wide and made an offended sound. Alright, let's not discuss what just happened, then... You felt the angel's hand dust your shoulder swiftly.

"Of course, of course ! No. Yeah. 'Excuse me, ma'am, we're three supernatural entities just looking for the notorious Son of Satan. I wonder if you might help us with our inquiries." He spat and flashed his teeth in a scornful manner.

"Of course, of course ! No. Yeah. 'Excuse me, ma'am, we're three supernatural entities just looking for the notorious Son of Satan. Wonder if you might help us with our inquiries ?'" He spat and flashed his teeth in a scornful manner. You shot him a disapproving look but didn't say anything.

You walked up to her and let Aziraphale do the questioning.

"Mh..." He coughed, unsure. "Look... hello." His smile was always so sweet. You breathed a laugh and shook your head at your proximity. "You weren't, by any chance, a nun here at this convent 11 years ago, were you ?"

"I was." She acquiesced, completely transfixed.

"Mmh, luck of the devil." Eyebrow raised, you looked at Aziraphale, who had quite the cocky little smile on his face. You glanced at Crowley and held yourself back from snorting at the sight of your shared experience.

"What happened to the baby that was given to you ?" You asked.

"I swapped him with the son of the American ambassador. Such a nice man." You caught the smell of sun-soaked sand. You couldn't help but smile when you felt how fond she was of the memory. "He used to be the ambassador of Swindon." She added.

Honestly, you were relieved you found as much confusion on their faces as you felt. Crowley shrugged and shook his head, showing that he had no clue what the fuck she was talking about.

"Then Sister Theresa Garrulous came and took the other baby away."

"This American ambassador—what was his name ? Where did he come from ? And what did he do with the baby ?" The demon snarled, his red hair flying everywhere.

"I don't know."

"Records." Aziraphale insisted. "There must have been records." He gestured for her to continue.

"Yes. There were lots of records. We were very good at keeping records."

"Good; so where can we find them?" You questioned.

"They were unfortunately burned in the fire."

Crowley groaned and threw it back in pure annoyance. "Hastur !"

Aziraphale queried again.

"Is there anything you remember about the baby?"

"He had lovely little toesies-woesies." Her response brought a smile to your face, matching Aziraphale's. Crowley obviously had enough and took off.

"Let's go."

"You will wake, having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best. He miracled. You added a good memory orb discreetly for good measure.

"Oi." Crowley called.

As you approached outside, the sirens overtook all sound, and you saw dozens of policemen evacuating the players and taking their rigged weapons.

"You'd think he'd show up, wouldn't you ? You'd think we could detect him in some way." Aziraphale notified. He waved away a bit of smoke.

"He won't show up. Not to us. Protective camouflage." Crowley reached behind your back and pulled on Aziraphale's arm firmly, dragging you along. A bullet zoomed to your right.

"He won't even know it, but his powers will keep him hidden from prying occult forces."

You were nearing the exit, and the air felt heavy in your lungs. The stress you felt was really increasing as the trail of the investigation plummeted. Plus, the fact that love was slowly disappearing was freaking you out of your mind. You felt a constant pull trying to get you back to heaven, where all the love was stored away. Everything was just too nerve-wrecking for your dysfunctional little heart.

"Occult forces ?" You heard Aziraphale's question.

"Well, you know, us."

You watched the angel's features contort into perplexity.

"We're not occult." Crowley sighed at his objection. "Angels aren't occultists; we're ethereal."

You didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the pressure of it all, or just the fact that Aziraphale still at to make such shallow precision, but you giggled quietly at first. The more it grew, the more it alerted the two entities. It was apparently communicative since they also started laughing softly. You continued to joke on your way to the car. You took you regular seat back, and smiled foundly as the two in the front.

Yeah, Armaggedon was bad. But at least you didn't have to face it on your own.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Hard day for Y/N, I hope you won't get any bruises ! ;)

If you have any question about your character (yourself in a sense), I'll do my best to answer without spoilers ^^

Hope you enjoyed it ! Bye !

Parts : First - Previous - Next

Tag list : @legendary-maddie @kpop-athena @drugs-for-memes @emo-queer-boi @cunning-girl @mochikofi @brain-has-left @cup-of-tee007 @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @somekale08 @liyacreate @msyolocat-blog @scoliobean @notahappystan @nebulagoddess @ray-rook @brain-has-left @mxxny-lupin @bluebear19 @yvonneeeee  @kniselle @dmitrytherat @lookingforlifeoutthere @neenieweenie @lunalixya

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IX good omens on livestream, i'm not ok: S1E4

You did it, Good Omens fandom, my dear maggots. You broke me in every way. Now I'm here, and where I once spent my day peacefully being sad about normal things, I'm now sad about a random fact about nightingales I learned on a British ornithology site and this is just... the brainrot. It's real. Raise brainrot awareness. Prevention is better than the nonexistent cure.

Well, I've procrastinated this post by like 48 hours by drawing fanart and being mopey over Crowley and generally being asleep because I'm still on antibiotics and ill. So let us not procrastinate further. First, episode 4. Tally, hoes!

In preparation for the stream, I gathered two emotional support oranges, only one of which was gaseous, and an apple. This was so that rather than waste an orange on being gay for Crowley I'd use the apple for that, symbolic of his temptation in the Garden of Eden etc. I didn't know how badly this plan would go.

On Discord, our collective loins girded, I noticed with no small suspicion that everyone was muttering about the bookshop and whether I'd be okay. When I demanded frantically what happened to the bookshop (I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS IN S2) everyone shut up and told me the bookshop was in tiptop shape and it was all tickety-boo and nothing would happen at all in episode 5.

Spoiler alert it is not all tickety-boo.

We start with Aziraphale going for a jog to keep uh fit for exercising with Crowley, and he is interrupted by Gabriel, who is not Jimbriel, and is not naked, that is, we cannot see his arse yet, but we can see that he is an arse.

We then see not-Newt the deliveryman with his wife Maude and they are the only straight couple that the people on the chat care about. Calling him not-Newt is going to pose problems for me.

Crowley is being a smart baby, and researching astronomy. Poor Crowley. I love Crowley. Do you understand? I LOVE CROWLEY.

There is a lot of talk of spoons and forks and such innuendos. I make a joke about scissors being missing. The chat does not notice. I am disappointed in the gays.

I am so engrossed in the way Death says "deeAaaAAthHHhh" that I fail to notice Not-Newt get killed delivering a message to Death. This is going to pose problems for me.

I forgot about the apocalypse plotline till the horsepeople arrive. This is understandable. I care not for this 'world' ending, my new world is Crowley. I love Crowley.

Duck aliens fucking descend. This is not a joke. There are duck aliens, and they are supportive of trans people. Newt does not count their nipples.

The Shad guy doesn't care Newt found aliens. He is upset that Newt didn't find witches. If Shad was mowing his lawn and found gold, he would toss it aside because he is focused on mowing. I can respect that. People make jokes about Newt eventually finding a witch.

It is suddenly a Christopher Nolan movie. Someone corrects me and says it's more like Jerry Bruckheimer. I do not know what that is.

Someone says Crowley destroys the Bentley but for whatever reason, like a lot of people before, makes it a black box that you have to click to read. I don't mind that, I like clicking.

Aziraphale bought out a theatre for Crowley, like a Kdrama where the rich CEO buys out an entire theatre for his working class girl.

Adam goes through what I went through with OCD. It is not fun.

It is now a horror movie. Adam floats in the air. That was not a symptom I had with OCD.

Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars. Aziraphale says no. Crowley is upset and my baby Azi looks so sad and confused about everything he believes in. Great. I'm totally fine, I think as I start stuffing my emotional support orange into my mouth.

It is now a Home Alone movie. Crowley in gloves is sexy. Mmmmmmm yes. Crowley does great advertising for plant spray bottles as he murders and threatens demons.

I point out that the GO book says Crowley can do "weird things with his tongue" as I learned from the GO scent guide company page. It was after all the most relevant take-away from that page.

Disco Tony arrives. This is not a safe space.

AZIRAPHALE KEEPS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND IS FAILED BY HEAVEN LEAVE MY BABY AZI ALONE WTF GO AWAY. THE ANGELS WALL SLAM HIM TOO. THAT'S CROWLEY'S THING YOU BASTARDS.

Newt and Anathema are cute. I DON'T NOTICE BECAUSE IM SO UPSET HE'S CHEATING ON MAUDE AND WONDERING WHY THE CHAT IS OKAY WITH IT BECAUSE I AM A FOOL WHO CONTINUES TO MIX UP NEWT WITH NOT-NEWT AND THEN THE CHAT TELLS ME NOT-NEWT DIED AND I'M CONFUSED.

Newt and Anathema are having sex. As an aspec person, I am very alarmed at the visuals.

Azi is failed by heaven and the metatron. Shocker. Fucking get away from Azi. Azi is miserable and looks like he wants to cry.

AZI IS EXORCISED AND THE FUCKING FLAME CATCHES IN THE BOOKSHOP AND THE EPISODE ENDS.

TAKE MY PAIN MOTHERFUCKERS. I WILL POST THIS AND THEN WRITE THE EP5 PART.

[who-dat-homeless]

people keep saying like "oh it would be sad if azicrow becomes human in the finally :( " or "oh it'd be sad if crowley rejects aziraphale" or " oh it'd be sad if they wipe aziraphale's memories and he forgets crowley"

And I can't fucking relate because looking at the story we've got so far I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE THAT ANY OF THIS COULD HAPPEN EVEN THEORETICALLY.

oh they'd become humans -- thematically they are already humans. At the end of the season one crowley says that hell and heaven would start a war against humans and now both crowley and aziraphale are not demon and not angel but something grey, something in the middle, something that actually can decide their action and their future (which ahem ahem is how humans described by the aziraphale) there's absolutely no need to make them human's thematically because they're already are. The only reason I can think of for making them humans is to get a bittersweet emotion from the audience, BUT IT'S FOCKEN CHEAP and I really can not see Neil Gaiman going for this. The man is mad genius of tragedy and bittersweetness and he is because this tragedy always has a reason/theme.

oh crowley would reject aziraphale -- BABE HAVE YOU WATHCED THE SHOW??????? CROWLEY BREAKS UP WITH AZIRAPHALE EACH FIVE MINUTES FR FR AND THE NEXT SCENE IS HER STANDING ON HER KNEES WET SAD AND MISERABLE BEGGING AZIRAPHALE TO COME BACK. REALLY. For fuck's sake Crowley is the sensible little kitten that lingers to the stranger's pants leg hoping they will get at least a little bit of sympathy. He's optimistic at it's core. But also he's so FUCKING lonely.

DID YOU ALL COLLECTIVELY FORGOT THIS SCENE??? "I'm a demon I lied" -- AND THIS IS THE CONFESSION OF HER FEELING THE WORST, FEELING ABANDONED AND LONELY AND MISERABLE.

She literally drove Bentley slower TO GIVE AZIRAPHALE A CHANCE TO CATCH HER. Good god.

Yes, of course there'll be conflict and there'll be fights and misunderstanding yada yada yada BUT DEAR GOD the second aziraphale is hurt (even emotionally) crowley is here ready to fight god, satan and whoever there is, and then accept his angel back in a span of a second

AND IT ALSO MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE THEMATICALLY TO GET THEM FALL APART. They're each other's yang!!! bitch!! they're the human's nature dichotomy THEY LITERRALLY CAN NOT BE APART. WRITE THEM APART AND THE WHOLE MESSSAGE OF GOOD OMENS FALLS APART

oh they'll wipe aziraphale's memories -- let's start with that they couldn't even wipe off Gabriel's memories (he and beelzebup did, putting it into the fly, Metatron did not do it)

and now, aziraphale first -- knowing what to expect from heaven, second -- specifically going there to fix it and stop second coming HE WILL BE SO CAUTIOUS that I really can't see how the wiping can even occur

"oh the angels would catch him and torture and.." no. I mean I think they're capable but like. They're an extremely ass licking office workers, who prides their reputation and stupid brute force is not their style. Yes they kidnaped aziraphale(crowley) once but even that kidnaping was so sanitized and almost non violent that I hardly can imagine them getting into actions. I think that they wouldn't even chase aziraohale across the heaven because running is heaven is prohibited, so. Unless Aziraphale himself would want to wipe his memories.. I absolutely can't see it happening.

but y'know what is the only thought that does make me sad?

That there's a possibility that Crowley would accept Aziraphale back no questions asked

This is the real shit

Because Crowley already did that in the past. It's in his fucking character. Because he's optimistic, because he's lonely, because he already lost his friend once. Because he has it all, he can go back to hell become a respected demon, take back his cool brutalist flat, he's self-sufficient, he can be all by himself if he really wants but he can never shut this hole of lonliness in himself no matter what he does

In Crowley's eyes Aziraphale makes him complete. It's the lost part of her soul she was looking for so long.

And I so fucking afraid that she will give up her dignity, she'll repress her feelings and needs once again, she'll do the first step ONCE AGAIN, only to shut this ugly feeling deep inside that makes her want to disappear.

AND IT MAKES SENCE because then Aziraphale can see how desperate Crowley and how wrong he was to just pretend that everything is fine between them, and Crowley can be confronted about this really unhealthy behavior and so on and so on

and just the thought that it makes sense and that it's in character MAKES ME SO AFRAID and so sad...

[epaily]

good omens thread while i rewatch season 1 because i was slacking and also had no wifi for 4 days

bro the grip this show had on me when i was 15 was crazy you dont understand

the earth is a libra and her birthday is october 10th how could i forget

I GAVE IT AWAY you WOT this is the momeny crowley fell in love

the WING IN THE RAIN

god this intro feels like coming home

imma keep it a buck fifty i never could never follow the card trick baby swap

all the queen makes me so happy. i could appreciate it then. the various queen merch i have scattered around my room now says otherwise

"call aziraphale" "all the phone lines are currently busy" "grr" is a classic god i love this idiot

why does he walk like that. kinda gay.

why does he eat like that. kinda gay.

why do they sit like that. kinda gay.

god i fucking hate gabriel. cant wait for my whole opinion of him to change

"little temptation i ask you to cover for me" i forgot this was a thing they did god i fucking love them. i cant tell you how much i love them

the grip they have on me is insane you dont fucking understand

i was 15 and had just suffered a breakup (my first major one) and i thought i would never see the sun again and there they were. and then i made art and i wrote fanfic and i consumed THOUSANDS of fics and art and i talked and dressed like crowley and i was so depressed and i was lonely and to fight it i watched good omens no less then once a week for that whole summer. it changed my life

gods the dolphins conversation is so dumb i love them bubububub

i love them so fucking much

[aziraphales-library]

Hello you brilliant admins!

Do you guys have fics including Crowley worshipping Aziraphale? Can be smut or not both are fine. I just want read about Crowley being patheticly in love with Aziraphale <3

Love you guys!

Hi! You might be interested in the fics on our #body worship and #pining crowley tags. Here are some more in which Crowley worships and shows his love for Aziraphale...

Beautiful and Loved by Caedmon (M)

Crowley wants to show his angel how much he loves him. So he asks Aziraphale to wear a blindfold and allow him to worship at the altar of his corporation.

Take Me to Church by firenzia (E)

Wherein Crowley spends a long, leisurely morning showing Aziraphale just how much he loves him.

After six thousand years of hiding his heart, of fearing he had lost him over and over again, he was finally fucking done. He didn't want to exercise restraint. He wanted to treat Aziraphale like the absolute goddamn miracle he was, to let time slip gently away while he gave him everything he desired.

Sundays were meant for worship, after all.

The Stars Remember What Time Has Forgot by Most_Loved_Tragedy (E)

Crowley's been in love with Aziraphale since before the Fall. So smitten in fact, he can remember the angel's birthday, even if time didn't exist then, based on the alignment of the stars. Crowley does so good at treating Aziraphale for his birthday, that Aziraphale gives Crowley a treat back.

Don't worry angel by seaweedjam (E)

After averting Armageddon Crowley invites Aziraphale to his place but the angel acts rather strangely. (It's mostly comfort sex with a bit of a plot.)

Thy body is a temple - upon its altar I lay my offerings by ximeria (M)

Crowley sets himself the task of showing Aziraphale that he loves every inch of him. He may get a bit carried away and needs to be reeled in - but what else is new? And it's not like Aziraphale minds, is it?

The Nice and Accurate Musings of Anthony J. Crowley by Elleberquist6 (G)

Unbeknownst to Aziraphale, Crowley played a role in the creation of some of the books in his shop which he treasures. Ever since he helped "Hamlet" to be successful, Crowley has been making contributions to classic literature -- to please Aziraphale, to tease him, and to confess his feelings. Aziraphale reads then all, seemingly oblivious to the hidden messages within the books from Crowley, who gets increasingly frustrated.

- Mod D

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Great. Now I'm having self-reflective feelings when it comes to how much I relate to Aziraphale. ��

Not putting this one under the cut because there's no pictures, but there will be spoilers and I'll tag as well, so scroll on by if you'd like.

I talked a little bit earlier how I can relate to the feeling of wanting control, and how when that was offered to me by a previous job with a toxic environment, I took it even though I had misgivings about it. And even though I wasn't happy, I was still afraid to leave because I didn't want to lose that control.

Well, I forgot about another aspect of this situation that I can COMPLETELY relate to Aziraphale about.

It's the part where Aziraphale comes in and excitedly starts chattering about how he thinks he was wrong about the Metatron, and how he wasn't so bad after all.

Holy SHIT can I relate to that.

You see, I feel like I am simultaneously petty as fucking hell (cross me and I WILL remember exact dates and quotes), while also desiring to forgive really easily. And like Aziraphale, it's not all completely selfless -- a lot of it is, it simply takes a lot of energy to be angry at someone, and it's really inconvenient to have to work around it if the other person has something you need (e.g., a coworker you need to work with, a shop owner who finds the records you want).

But I also... just generally want to believe that people are good? And I think Aziraphale does too.

One of my former coworkers was extremely toxic. One moment, they would be perfectly fine and get along with the team and actually be helpful. The next, they would be PURPOSELY awful to people with zero remorse. Just saying some of the most hurtful things, being a bully.

What hit me hard is how much I wanted to believe that maybe things could change. I could SEE that glimmer of a good person deep down! Moments of compassion or simply deep understanding. We would go weeks without incident, and I would start to think, "I think there's real progress being made! Maybe I really was wrong about them, maybe there's a reason they acted that way before."

I think that was what kept me there the longest: I kept forgiving them (plural, because it wasn't just this one coworker) for doing hurtful things again and again and again. And I also internalized the treatment as something I was not faultless in -- if only I was better, if only I was not so weird, if only I fit in or understood.

And I see this happening again and again throughout my life. I have a hard time judging intentions, sort of. It's more like, my judgement is STRONGLY influenced by my insecurities and my feeling that most people are generally good and have reasons for what they do.

But I don't know any other way to be? I'm not always wrong. I have someone like Crowley in my life, who is far more suspicious of others -- but I don't feel like they're always right either? It's just HARD, because I would rather believe someone and give them the benefit of the doubt, but I also need to make sure I don't get hurt.

There's no point I'm trying to make. Only that I can relate to why Aziraphale trusts the Metatron. And, damn, Neil did it again with a character that I can feel in the pit of my soul.

[tumbld-out-of-my-bed]

Something that really bothers me when Aziraphale calls Crowley 'Crawley' in Wessex, even though he immediately corrects himself when he does the same like 500 years ago in Rome (496 to be exact, but who's keeping count? Certainly couldn't be me... I'm so, so normal about this show, really)

Crowley's reaction also interests me. He gives a huff as he corrects Aziraphale, which is frustrating in a weary sense, as if he's done it multiple times before but he doesn't seem particularly hurt that his 'only friend' forgot his name (I know I know, that dynamic isn't technically really there yet, but come on, they had a wonderful time having Oysters together in Rome, not that Crowley would ever admit that, but still, you'd expect Aziraphale to remember his name after that). I'm also convinced there's no way they haven't met at all in the 496 (er, I mean, 500, cuz I'm obviously, perfectly normal about this show) years

Which brings me to my new headcanon. Crowley must have told Aziraphale why he changed him name, and the reason was utterly ridiculous (they called me a WORM, Angel, can you believe that? I'M A SNAKE FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SHOW ME SOME RESPECT) and now, Aziraphale calls him Crawley just to tease him. It's an inside joke and it's been happening for years

[demonic-mnemonic]

(EDIT: I'm going to leave the main text of the original theory as is, but I did want to just add that I don't think the original reasoning of how memories are getting lost necessarily holds up considering what we already know about the angels' ability to erase memories and the fact that Metatron is in this up to his eyeballs. But what I am still sure of is that memories are being erased, and not just in the present)

I just had a fun thought. What if Crowley and Aziraphale's 25 lazari miracle was so ridiculously overpowered that it didn't JUST work on Gabriel. What if they overshot the mark so badly that it just started affecting random other people to varying degrees and THAT'S why there are some characters that some people don't seem to remember fuck all about meeting.

What if it doesn't always affect everyone the same and THAT'S why, when every other angel in the room straight up forgot who the fucking Metatron was, Crowley (and I'm pretty damn sure Saraquiel, but that's a whole other conversation) still recognized him.

What if it started to affect people in unintended ways? What if it started to affect not only someone's ability to retain memories of a specific person, but started being able to affect their other memories too?

We still haven't talked about how Muriel, a fucking scrivener, does not seem to know how to read anymore in the present day.

Her entire job, her entire existence in heaven revolves around reading and writing and keeping records and she almost never gets to see or interact with any other angels except for once every couple of centuries when someone wants something from her. This is an angel who has spent millennia with only her books and records to keep her company. She has probably read more than every other entity in existence combined, and she still clearly has a deep love and affinity for books...

But when she tells Metatron that she's reading a book, she uses air quotes. Not reading a book, but "reading" a book. She's so drawn to books, the desire is there, but the knowledge is gone.

What else is being forgotten? Who else is losing pieces of their memories and themselves?

What if Crowley and Aziraphale are starting to lose memories of their history together piece by piece? Even worse, what if it isn't even confined to the present?

If their memories of their time together were to be damaged or lost early enough in their history, if each time they met they misremembered or couldn't remember the time before... It would affect the way they approached one another every single time. It would alter their entire timeline. Their entire history together could be wiped out without a trace. Or worse.

And there are signs. Subtle ones mostly, the faintest glimmers. A fleeting sense that something isn't quite right, that passes so quickly you're not even sure you didn't just imagine it. But there is one in particular that's slightly more there than the others. A tiny crack instead of a glimmer, so faint you don't even notice it at first, but once you do you can't unsee it.

Remember when Crowley and Aziraphale are working out how to give Job and Sithis their children back without letting an audience of onlooking angels know that they're giving them their exact same children back? Bildad the Shuhite antics ensue, we all have a good laugh at Gabriel's dead set conviction that the human reproductive system consists entirely of ribs, Crowley pokes a little light fun about how he needs to be on his toes under the eyes of an expert, it's a good time. But the thing is...what if he was? What if Gabriel was an expert on human birth?

Here's a fun fact. You know how many times Gabriel shows up in the Bible specifically to discuss someone's womb? Twice. On two separate occasions this angel is sent to Earth for the express purpose of womb related discussions with someone. I mean technically the discussions were more about who was going to be coming out of said wombs, but still. The womb is directly mentioned both times. And when he's talking to Mary he explicitly mentions conception.

He damn well used to know how the human birth process works. Who knows, maybe even enough to be considered an expert. Maybe that's why he was the one chosen to deliver those messages. One thing is for certain though, at the very least he was familiar with conception and he knew what a womb was and understood its role in childbirth. So what happened? Did he just not learn about any of that until after the events with Job?

Or did he have that knowledge all along, only to have it taken from him by something that wouldn't even be set in motion until centuries later?

What if that enormous surge of miraculous energy sent a backlash cascading unchecked throughout history, doing things they never meant it to do, now entirely unpredictable, capable of doing anything from making someone forget the name of an old acquaintance to washing away entire swaths of memories that are intrinsic to who they are? Eroding them away like a river, little by little, until eventually they're barely even an echo of who they once were, an empty shell of their former self.

The expert on human birth who can't remember exactly how it all works, but remembers God doing something with a rib once, and so he clings to that. The scrivener who's still inexorably drawn to books, to the written word, even though she no longer remembers quite how to decipher them, only that she loves them.

Maybe even an angel and a demon, the love and trust and devotion that they built over the course of 6000 years, that has outlasted every empire ever built, strong enough to withstand the wrath of heaven and hell combined, its roots as old as humanity itself and older.... torn down brick by brick even as the foundations were being laid.

Empty houses, almost remembering where the things used to be. Looking at where the furniture isn't