#ESPECIALLY DANIEL x THERAPY

[purplerakath]

MiyagiDo Karate and Protagonist Morality

So when I watched the first two seasons this bothered me and then last weekend I watched everything else (thus far)... and this still bothered me. So here we are.

Spoilers for all five released seasons of Cobra Kai (although I'll mainly be talking about Demetri, Sam, Danny, and Hawk).

Before I get started...

As much as I'm criticizing the writing of these characters, I don't think the characters are bad, or hate the show. I just think more could be done with them, or in the case of Sam they could have started the ball rolling sooner and she could be a better character than she is.

Except Demetri, they really screwed the pooch on his writing.

Protagonist Morality

So I guess I should explain this term. Protagonist morality is where a show doesn't question the behavior of it's protagonists, assuming that whatever action they've taken is morally correct (for the setting). In a video game, you know all those unguarded chests full of stuff for you. The ones all across the countryside and in towns and often people's houses? The ones you can loot freely and nobody cares or is concerned with all the robbery you're doing?

That's protagonist morality. If the game labels you a thief and you get run out of public spaces for your actions, then the game is labeling your actions as maybe less than a paragon of virtue, and giving you reason to think about it. (Then you do it anyway because it's really nice loot.)

So what about the ACTUAL protagonists?

Johnny, Miguel, and Robby are questioned and judged by the narrative constantly. They generally do things right for them, but not universally seen as correct. And generally the narrative is about them moving forward and making less questionable calls.

The whole point of the start of S2 is that Johnny realizes "No Mercy" is a bad motto, because it just gets people hurt, and changes his teachings to match this bit of character growth. Characters backslide, Johnny and Robby both crash spectacularly at the start of Season 3. Each needs to dig themselves out of the hole their in all through Season 3 (Johnny) and 5 (Robby).

So the show never treats them as not needing growth, as the show is all about their growth.

Daniel

Danny is a hyper-judgmental asshole due to unresolved trauma from his youth and it's a problem. But also the show would be a lot less interesting if he worked through all of this in a timely fashion. Primarily the issue is his reaction to "Cobra Kai" just being back at all, and how he never once gets pushed to question if Cobra Kai in Johnny's hands changed.

Some of this is miscommunication, which is the cornerstone of the Unresolved sexual Karate Tension with Johnny. But his absolute refusal to see good in Cobra Kai had a direct hand in breaking up Sam and Miguel in Season 1 and Danny... came out of it believing he was right.

And when he goes out of his way to try and destroy the S1-2 era of Cobra Kai, the narrative never once actively punishes him for his prejudice. He's also never forced to face why he's like this. It's kind of shit but very much a plot lodestone.

Sam

Like her father, Sam often rushes to a moral judgement on bad info and never goes back. Even if she's wrong. So much of her Season 1 behavior is swept under a rug so that other characters (Kyler, Yaz, Miguel) can be her personal villain. And the worst being Season 2 with Tory.

Sam rushed to 'all Cobras are evil' while in a plot trying to fix her friendship with her best friend, she instigated things with Tory, and blamed Tory for all of it without having to think about why she's following her father so readily. Of course, with the end of Season 2 it didn't matter what her behavior was prior, she had every justification to treat Tory as her own personal satan.

Fortunately for me, and everyone else who likes Sam, most of the later seasons focus real hard on having her grow as a person. Maybe not facing all of her personal failings, but she does grow past them in respectable ways. And while her behavior toward Tory is... still bad, Tory is her personal anxiety attack she's allowed it now. (Unlike someone else.)

She also unpacks some of the prejudice she learned from her dad. Sneaking off behind his back to learn Eagle Fang and figure out before Father Dearest that balance is better than pigheaded arrogance of your own greatness. Leading to the Season 4 finale and her mixed styles.

Demetri Hawk

Before I rant about Demetri, I need to explain why Hawk's narrative, regardless of his failures, is better. Eli starts the show with a clearly defined failing (confidence and courage), focuses hard on overcoming it (through Cobra Kai Karate), and turns him into someone new.

That new person is a loud abrasive asshole, but it's a growth arc.

When Hawk behaves badly, it's treated as a start of darkness. As he grows to love having the power his weaker nerdy self lacked. His acts of vengeance make sense as the flexing of power he's never had before. To the point he becomes the sort of bully he feared. His reactions are all overreactions and that's good writing. You understand why he beats Kyler's flunky to a bloody pulp, it's cathartic but also framed as an act of pure violence and destruction. He needs to live in his anger, his violence, listening to the whispers Kreese offers.

Season 3 is Hawk struggling to choose between good and evil, and in the end he chooses good. Leading him on the path toward balance and being better than either side of him before. Honestly of every character in the show his path is the best defined.

Now Demetri

Demetri is a anxious pessimistic leech. He feels he'll fail before he starts, and therefore doesn't try. He rides the coattails of his friends as they become cool and popular and Hawk was right to call him out. But rather than investigate that, he becomes the target of Hawk's new villain arc, and rushes to the arms of MiyagoDo.

Where he proceeds to never actually face who he was, and just... get to be a cool martial artist with a hot girlfriend as the show sweeps his negative traits under a rug and never touches them.

The narrative never confronts how 'it's fine for me to reap the benefits of your hard work' (start of season 2) or 'I can humiliate my best friend by spilling all his secrets then hide behind my badass martial artist friends' (late season 2) were bad calls, because at the end of the season he just... gets to beat up Hawk to establish the full defeat of Johnny's Cobra Kai.

Directly into Season 3 where he's just as aggressive and antagonistic as Sam is, while neither is treated as being 'over the line' by the narrative. Which is all before Hawk breaks Demetri's arm, meaning he doesn't have the extant trauma reason Sam has.

By Season 5 Demetri is a pretty cool person, but as there's no actual focus on how he got there, it feels cheap. Which really sucks.

What I'd Write-

I don't want to rewrite the whole show, and that makes Danny hard to fix. As so much of him is that paranoia of Cobra Kai. Like- best I could ask for is him going to therapy and trying to work past it (and just being bad at it).

Sam the easy answer is Aisha not forgiving her (at least during S1-2). Where Sam tries to get Aisha back, but every time she either says something about Cobra Kai, or Miguel, or Tory and Aisha points out Sam hasn't given any of them a fair shot, and that Sam has no room to talk after dating Kyler and being Yaz's friend.

Bonus points if Sam also gets taken to task for her going after Tory when Tory was working. Because Amanda already got Tory fired once, but she felt bad about it.

Demetri has a similar route of 'best friend does not forget.' A simple 'why should I ever trust you again' after Moon's party would go a long way to rub Demetri's face in what he did, how he was as bad as everyone who made fun of Hawk's lip at school. How Demetri, for one brief moment, was worse than Kyler.

I want all the characters to either get the kind of care in how they change direction that Miguel has, and failing that being absolutely perfect like Devon (the only person to join Silver's Cobra Kai and not turn evil).

[bullet-prooflove]

Listen: Dean Archer x Reader (feat: Sean Archer)

Tagging: @kmc1989@helsinkibaby@hufflepuffgirl@mimi-8793

When Dean sees his son Sean for the first time in fifteen years, he’s dressed in a beige prison XL prison uniform and there’s a pane of glass between the two of them with fingerprints streaked across the surface.

Surely he thinks, they should be able to do better especially after COVID. They could at least wipe the damn thing down or something. His hands are shaking when he picks up the phone but he masks it by gripping the receiver so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

It’s been a couple of weeks since Sean called him from Cook County, that’s how long it’s taken him to get visitation. He hadn’t realised it was such a process. In the meantime he’s been in contact with Sean’s lawyer, an over encumbered public defender in an attempt to understand the charges against him. The woman had barely even remembered his name.

He tries to explain the detriment of this to Sean as he sits across from him but it starts a fight. All hell breaks loose between the two of them because Dean, he’s never really understood Sean, not since he hit fourteen and came home from Sea Cadets that summer a withdrawn, sullen teenager. It’s six moths later when his grades started to drop that they found the weed and the pills.

Sean ends up hanging up the phone and terminating the visit and Dean is left with this weird feeling of purgatory because he’s back where he was fifteen years ago, with a son that doesn’t want to talk to him.

“I don’t know how to get through to him.” Dean tells you later that night when you’re cooking dinner together. He’s tired, overwhelmed, exasperated. He wants to fix this, truly he does, he just doesn’t know how to. “I don’t know why there’s such a disconnect.”

“Have you tried listening to him?” You ask as you chop peppers on the cutting board for the salad. “I mean actually sitting down and hearing what he has to say.”

“Of course…” He replies with an edge of annoyance and you give him that look, the one that tells him he’s being an ass. He falls silent after that, mulling it over in his head as he cooks steak on the stove.

Dean has always parented the way his father parented him. His father was an admiral, he had a strict military upbringing, bouncing around from base to base, never sticking around long enough to make too many friends. It’s the reason he’s found it hard to make connections in the past, if you build a barrier between you and the rest of the world it’s less likely you’ll get hurt when it’s time to move on. He carried that into his first marriage and into every job he’s ever worked.

His father had always insisted on things being tidy, ordered and Dean he’s lived with that mantra his entire life. He thinks that’s why he was so hard on Sean, he’s used to a chain of command, a hierarchy. He was the parent and Sean was the kid. It should have been as simple as that but the truth is people are messy. It’s only through his therapy sessions with Daniel that he’s realising how much his father’s version of parenting affected him. He was always distant, emotionally cold. When he was present it was about earning his time, not enjoying it. He wonders if he brought that to the table with Sean, if he taught him that love was conditional, dependant on good behaviour.

“I think you’re right.” He tells you when the two of you settle into bed that night. You’re curled up against his side, your head resting through on his chest as his fingers comb through your hair. “Maybe I haven’t been listening.”

He’s lucky that Sean agrees to see him the second time, he could refuse, he could take him off the visitor’s list but he doesn’t. Dean thinks that means there’s hope for the two of them, that he’s committed to mending fences, after all it was Sean that reached out, Sean that called Dean wanting nothing more than to talk to his dad.

“My wife…” Dean as he sits down across from his son. “She says I’ve got a tendency to override everything but the sound of my own voice and she’s right. I just… if there’s anything you want to say to me after all this time I’ll try my best to listen.”

“You got remarried?” Sean says finally, his elbow resting on the ledge as he leans forward. “I thought the way things ended with you and mom would have put you off.”

Dean doesn’t look back on that time fondly, they’d tried to shield Sean away from the majority of it but there were nights when Leanne’s addiction was out of control and his patience had stretched to breaking point. He’s not proud of the way he handled things back then, his first marriage left him mistrustful and with a sense of worthlessness, that he still feels to this very day.

“It did.” Dean admits as he cups the phone under his chin. “I was alone for a long time before I met Isobel…”

He trails off then because he’s not sure if this is the kind of thing that Sean wants to hear. The life he has now is so different from the one he had before. He’s happy these days, relaxed. He understands that things aren’t so black and white, they don’t fit neatly into little boxes the way that he was taught they should.

It occurs to him that Sean doesn’t know this version of him. Dean preached a lot of tough love back then and not a whole lot of empathy, he had been taught addiction and mental health were character flaws, a sign of weakness. He knows different these days, from his own experiences, from yours. He’s not the same person he was fifteen years ago, he’s much more free with heart, more understanding, more compassionate. He hopes he can show Sean that in the future, that he’s changed, that he’s willing to rebuild this relationship.

“Does she know about me?” Sean asks him quietly, his voice a little rough. “Your wife Isobel? Did you tell her about me?”

There’s a slight pinkness in his cheeks and his gaze slips down the chipped table, his thumb running over a deep indentation. It takes Dean a second to realise what he’s seeing in his son and it feels like a knife plunging straight into his chest.

Shame.

Sean thinks that Dean’s ashamed of him. That he’s hidden his son away like he’s some horrible secret. He’s never wanted to reach out so badly before, he wishes the glass wasn’t there, that he could touch Sean, hug him but he can’t no matter how much he wants to.

“She does.” He tells his son, the edges of his mouth tipping up into a smile. “She wants to meet you when you’re ready.”

“We should probably wait until I’m out.” Sean says gesturing at their surroundings. “I don’t think prison’s the best place to meet my dad’s new wife. I’d prefer to put my best foot forward and all that.”

“She’s an M.E.” Dean laughs as he looks around the room. “She’s worked out of far worse surroundings than this.”

Sean smiles then and something in Dean’s chest just lifts.

“It’s not your fault you know?” Sean says suddenly, surprising Dean. “That I’m fucked up. I know you blame yourself but it was nothing you did or didn’t do. I just… I need you to know that.”

There’s an ache in Dean’s chest, it feels so visceral, like someone’s reached in and torn his heart right out of his rib cage.

“Don’t do that.” Dean tells him, his voice breaking. “Don’t let me off the hook that easy. I messed up I know I did…”

“And so did I.” Sean tells him, his eyes burning with sincerity. “I just want you to know  that I’m trying to own the shit I did, to making amends for it.”

“Sean…” Dean begins but Sean shakes his head cutting him off.

“Dad.” Sean reminds him gently. “You promised to listen.”

“I did.” Dean concedes as he adjusts the handset under his chin. “Alright son, I’m listening.”

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[justmeinadaze]

I Have Nothing (If I Don't Have You) Part 5 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I bare you a gift :)

Warning: Security Guards/ Soft Dom Steddie X Singer Sub (slightly bratty) Fem Reader, SMUT, spanking, slightly rough, pretty much just the norm :), FLUFF and ANGST! Reader is trying to do better with her vices but gets so overwhelmed she disappears abruptly and the boys need to find her, the three of them do go into details with their trauma especially the reader. My own personal trauma (like with most of my fics) leaked through a bit i.e. feeling like I'm not enough. I think that's about it.

Word count: 6862

“How are you feeling today, Y/N?”

“Annoyed.”

“Because…”

“Because I want a fucking drink. I should at least be able to have that! Do you know how hard it is for me to not have BOTH the things that made me feel better when I was fucking depressed.”

You had been on the tour now for two weeks and you were exhausted. You love singing for your fans, you really did, but after your breakup and cutting out your vices…you felt like you were drowning. Talking to Daniel helped a bit but he was getting to that part of therapy where you needed (his words, not yours) to talk about the personal things in your past that led you to drink and drugs. 

You just couldn’t get there. It was like you kept running into a wall, the wall that you built to protect yourself. Even when you tried to open your mouth to talk about your family or relationships, nothing came out. Your brain froze like mental stage fright and it just made you angry. 

“No, I understand, Y/N. Trust me. I’ve been where you are before. I know it’s hard.” You scoff at his response as you fold your arms across your chest. “What you don’t seem to realize is those things, drugs and alcohol… didn’t actually make you feel better. You need to find something that does and focus your energy there.”

***

“Y/N! Jesus Christ, stop! Everyone stop! What the fuck is going on!?”, Mark shouts at you as he comes out on to the stage.

“I’m fucking tired! Can we take a goddamn break?”

“Not until we get this right! Your show is in two days!”

“Get off my back, Mark! I’m doing my best!”

It took all of Eddie’s energy to not get up and defend you. To an outsider looking in, they would think you were being a brat but this asshole was pushing you and they both knew that. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do. They were your security and their job was to protect you. Mark wasn’t physically hurting you…all they could do was grit their teeth and watch as you slowly fell apart. 

“Fuck this! I’m taking a 10. If you have a problem with it, call Jack.” The boys quickly got up to follow you as you headed outside and sat on the emergency stairs just near the back door.  “Fuck off.”, you growled when you heard Steve sigh. 

“You’re right, you know. You need a break.”

Their eyes scanned you over as your leg jumped anxiously. “Y/N, everything is going to be ok.” Eddie was trying to comfort you and you understood that but it wasn’t enough. You were spiraling. “Sweetheart, look at me.” He commanded as he descended to his knees in front of you. “I promise you. You’re safe, okay?”

“Eddie…I’m so tired.”

“I know, baby.”, he whispers.

Steve comes to sit beside you, pulling you closer to his side as you fold into yourself and begin to cry. 

***

The following morning when you aren’t in bed, they assumed Mark pulled you away again without notifying them but as they hurry down to the auditorium, they notice the man pacing back and forth. 

“Where is she?!”, he shouts when he notices them.

“She’s not here?”, Steve asks and Eddie immediately turns way to check his phone for your tracker. 

“No! No, she’s not here! I’m fucking sick and tired of her diva attitude. Fuck her!”

“HEY! She’s the reason you have this job. Now show some fucking respect!” Steve shouts before turning to his friend. “Did you find her?”

“I think this might be broken, Harrington. It says she’s in the Atlantic.”

“Fuck me. She got on a plane. Come on.” The man tugs his arm as they run to the hotel room to hastily grab their things. As they pack, he dials your publicist’s phone number. “Sarah! Y/Ns on a plane right now. We think she’s headed to Europe. Do you know where she might go over there?”

“Fucking hell! I thought she was doing better.”

“She was…is…she’s burned out. She… she wasn’t ready for this tour.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. Jack and them are always pushing her. Um…she used to talk a lot about this hotel in France. Her and her family stayed over there once when she was little.”

“My family went on vacation there when I was a kid. It was the happiest I remember us ever being. I go there sometimes when I want to be left alone. I feel safe there.”

“I know where she’s going. Thanks Sarah. I’ll keep you posted.”

###########

“I swear, sir. There is no one by that name here.”, the concierge at the front desk sighs as Steve glances towards the metalhead again.

Eddie flashes him his phone. “It says she’s here. I’m surprised she hasn’t ditched it like she did in Vegas.”

The other man’s eyes widen as a sudden thought hits him. “That’s because she wants us to find her. Um, excuse me. Is there anyone by the name of Munson or Harrington listed?”

“Actually, yes. First name Munson, last name Harrington checked into her room yesterday evening. “

***

They quietly opened the door with the key front desk gave them as Steve scanned the room. Nothing seemed out of place except for the bottles of wine and vodka spaced out on the coffee table in the tiny hotel room. This wasn’t like the usual places you stayed in. 

It was much smaller with only one bedroom and living room that doubled as a kitchen. The back balcony doors were open wide and Eddie noticed a figure sitting on one of the chairs outside. They cautiously headed that way, finding you with your knees under your chin as you smoked a cigarette. Your eyes were bloodshot from tears and lack of sleep. Your hair that was usually styled in some way was haphazardly slung into a messy style bun as loose strands fell against your bare shoulders. 

It was relatively warm but there was a cool breeze that allowed you to be outside with your spaghetti strap shirt and pajama pants without feeling uncomfortable. 

You made no movement to acknowledge them as they placed themselves in front of you, leaning against the concrete wall of the patio. Eddie casually lit his own cigarette, offering Steve one who declined. 

“My parents were so excited…when we were able to afford a vacation out of the country.”, you stated in a gravelly, rough voice that tugged at their hearts as you continued to stare down at their feet. “My mom always wanted to go to Paris. ‘It’s the city of love!’.”, you smile as you mimic her enthusiasm. 

“My dad got us the tickets and I remember seeing the city as we flew over…I thought it was magic.”, you giggle but a tear fell down your cheek. “We went everywhere. I mean we literally saw every touristy thing you could think of. But…what I remember most is…that first night, we stayed in this hotel. My dad ordered us food and we all curled up in the bed to watch some black and white French romance film. A song started to play and I recognized it so I started to sing along but in English.”

“My father smiled and yanked my mother off the bed so they could dance as I sang. I knew then…that’s what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to sing and make people happy like that. I think that was the one and only time they approved of my wanted profession.” Your eyes shifted towards theirs as you tried to smile. “I’m sorry. I-I-I…”

Steve shook his head and bent down to take you into his arms which you eagerly accepted, wrapping your own around his neck and legs around his waist as he carried you back inside with Eddie close behind. He sat on the couch, petting your head as they allowed you to cry. 

The metalhead inspected the unopened bottles of liquor before quietly looking around the little hotel room for any more of your vices, signaling to Steve that he found nothing. After awhile the tears stopped but you didn’t want to let him go. He felt your fingers run through his hair behind his head absently as you nuzzled your nose into his neck. 

“It’s ok, baby girl. You’re safe. It’s alright.”, he cooed. “Do you think you can move to Eddie’s lap so I can make some phone calls. Let people know you’re safe.” Your head hung as you pulled back and climbed over to the other boy as you pouted. “Hey…you trust me, right?”

“They’re going to be so angry with me.”, you whispered in a small voice. 

Steve placed his fingers under your chin and lifted your eyes to face him. “Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

They both smile at your answer as he rises from the sofa. Leaning your forehead into the nook of Eddie’s neck and shoulder, you gently run your palm along his chest. It wasn’t sexual and he understood that. Any other person may think you were trying to flirt or making a move but he knew. This was your way of grounding yourself; making sure they were still there in the moment with you. 

You had fallen into a little girl mind set but it wasn’t for pleasure. It was self-preservation. They knew how to identify which was which and were happy to take care of you in either instance. 

“Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, sweetheart. I’m not mad at you. I’m worried about you; we both are.”

Your gaze shifts to Steve who was now pacing in the bedroom with the phone to his ear. 

“Yeah, we found her…No, Jack, she’s not alright. You guys are pushing her too hard. She’s exhausted… First off, don’t cuss at me. We just spent all night trying to get to her and I’m not in the mood. This wouldn’t have happened if you and Mark would listen to her. She’s a person, not a cash machine… Fine. Fire us, but we’re still not going to drag her back. Not until some changes are made and she takes a break.”

“I’m not going to let him fire you.”, you murmur. 

“Hey, don’t worry about that right now, okay? Is it alright if I ask you some questions?” You nod as he holds you tighter to his body. “Why did you place all these bottles on the table?”

“I…I wanted some. I really did but I couldn’t. I took them out t-t-to see them. I needed to see all of them.”

“Why, sweetheart?”

“Because…I used to drink all this…in one night. I-I-I thought maybe if I saw it front of me, it would help…stop me. Daniel said I should focus my energy on something else so…when I look at the bottles, I think of something else.”

“What do you think about?”

“You two.”

His soft brown eyes met yours and he knew instantly you were telling the truth. 

“Hello, front desk? Yes, for the Munson Harrington room, can you make sure no one disturbs us besides faculty. We don’t want any phone calls or unexpected visitors…Yes, sir. If anyone other than myself or my friend Mr. Munson asks don’t tell anyone we are here…thank you.”

“He’s assuming if he won’t tell them where you are then they will start hunting for us and since our names are on the room, they could ask which one. This way now if they do, the front desk won’t give them anything.”, Eddie explains. “Baby, I see the bottles but I have to ask, have you hidden any drugs for later or anything like that?”

“No, sir. I promise. Do…do you need to look at my eyes?”

The fact that you were being so open with him was slightly jarring but, again, he understood. They made you feel safe and you wanted to continue making them feel like they could trust you as much as you trusted them. 

“No, sweetheart. I trust you. Would it be alright with you if I got up to move these bottles so you don’t have to keep looking at them?” You nod but as he adjusts you so he can stand you continue to cling to his shirt. “Alright, hey, it’s ok. Follow me.” 

He takes your hand and pulls you towards the bedroom, playfully twirling you into Steve’s side who silently grins as he dips you before tugging you back up with one arm. Eddie fades away into the background as you hold the other boy to you. 

“Ok, I think that’s everyone and Sarah said she would release a statement for you regarding the shows this week. She said if you need more time just let her know.”

“I like Sarah.”

“Me to.”, Steve grins down at you sweetly. “Have you eaten anything today?”

When you shake your head, he nods before lifting you into his arms, carrying you to the kitchen, and setting you down on the countertop. 

“You know, I’m looking through this cabinet like I can read any of the French here.” 

His tone makes you giggle as you point to a piece of paper beside him. 

“That’s the menu for the hotel. They have some really delicious French toast.”

“Yeah? Let’s try it.”

After you three ate, everyone crashed. When you arrived at the hotel, you had been so anxious you couldn’t lie still long enough to get any kind of sleep. The guys had immediately hopped a plane when they had an idea of where you were and were so concerned about your wellbeing, they hadn’t slept either. 

When you finally woke up, you felt so much better and less heavy with your worries. It was dark outside but the lights illuminated the city as people walked around the Paris streets. Both men were still knocked out beside you so you snuck into the living area with an idea as you began situating the space.

##########

“Eddie. Steve.”, you whispered as you gently shook their arms.

“Huh? Wha? What’s wrong, honey?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to show you something. I also ordered some lunch/dinner for us since it is a little after nine.”

Your breathy chuckle and calmer tone cause them to open their eyes fully as they drink you. Physically you did look a lot better. You had changed into a new set of pajamas and your hair was now down around your shoulders. Your energy as a whole seemed much less erratic than when they had first walked in and that made them both extremely happy. 

They rolled out of bed, reaching for some sweats to be more comfortable before following you out of the room. Their mouths fell open at the sight in front of them as you opened your arms in a grand gesture. You had taken some of the couch cushions and pillows, creating a makeshift fort with extra sheets thrown over to finish the design. The little tv the hotel room came with was pushed in front of it with food and drinks on the nearby table. 

“Y/N, what--”

“I thought it might be fun. The guide on the tv says their also about to play a movie I really like.” You shift your weight from one foot to the other as you look towards the floor. “I wanted to do something for you…to say thank you for coming all this way. It’s not enough, I know, for all the trouble I caused but…it’s all I could think of in the moment…especially since this means a lot to me…like you two and what you just did for me.”

Steve’s hand reached out and brought your lips to his, letting you go so Eddie could do the same. 

“What’s the movie called?”

“Amélie. I love it. It’s about a woman who tries to help people find their happiness while also finding love.” You grin like giddy schoolgirl making them smile with you. 

You three devour the food concierge brought up as the movie played. They were completely entranced by it and occasionally mimicked the young actresses French as they tried remembering words for later. For a couple of hours, you forgot you were a famous singer and they were your security. You forgot that just a few hours ago you were falling apart and one bad decision away from opening the wine in the hotel. 

For a couple of hours, you were a tourist in a hotel room with two men you really cared about and seemed to genuinely care about you. 

“That was amazing. How have I never heard of this movie before?”

“Because you have never heard of most movies, Steven.”, Eddie laughs. His eyes shift over your frame essentially checking in and reading your body language. “May I ask you something, sweetheart? What was the song you sang when your parents danced?”

You softly smile as you get to your feet and run in the bedroom to get your phone. Ella Fitzgerald’s beautiful, soulful voice flows through your speakers as you place it on the couch and reach for Eddie’s hand. 

“Let's fall in love Why shouldn't we fall in love? Our hearts are made of it Let's take a chance Why be afraid of it?”

Placing your palms on his bare shoulders, you both danced to the music. 

“My mother loved music like this. She actually wasn’t a big fan of TV so anytime my father was out she would turn it off and play her records.”, you giggled. “God, and Ella always had the most gorgeous voice.”

“She really does. I feel like I should be wearing a shirt.” He smiles when you laugh harder, pulling him closer to you as you rest your chin near his head. 

“I remember once she played her album while she was cooking, waiting for my dad to come home while I sat on the counter and watched her move. She was swaying while she was singing and I thought she looked so beautiful… then she turned around with this big smile and said ‘Now see, that woman is a singer. You’ll never be as good as her I’m afraid, baby.’”

You heard Steve rise from the floor and you detached from Eddie to dance with him.

“Let's close our eyes And make our own paradise Little we know of it Still we can try to make a go of it.”

“It wasn’t just with music…that was just my biggest disappointment to them. When I was growing up, I was too fat or too thin, not dressed right, or I didn’t speak properly. They always acted like I embarrassed them. The first time I was arrested was actually when I was 16. I got caught at a party drinking with bunch of other kids. My dad hit me and said I was stupid. That I may as well become a whore because there was no way I was getting into college now. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I never wanted to go anyway.”, you chuckled but Steve just held you closer to his chest.

“We might have been meant for each other To be or not to be, let our hearts discover.” 

“I can’t do this. It’s too hard.”, you whisper as you push away from him and try to head for the bedroom. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Eddie quickly grips your wrist. “Don’t run from it, Y/N. You’re doing really good. Just…let go.”

“Let me go, Ed.”

“Fuck them.” Your head turned to look at Steve. “Y/N, fuck them. If they can’t see how amazing and talented you are then fuck them.”

“You…you don’t understand.”

“Oh? Not being good enough for your parents. Your right I would have no idea what that’s like. My dad still calls me 24/7 commanding I come home to give up this ‘childish job’ and run is obnoxiously boring and bland as fuck company. When I was in high school, he always wanted me to be MVP and a straight A student but freshman year when I figured out that didn’t matter I just coasted by. Little did I know that would just make him worse. After I graduated, I said fuck them. I’ll do what makes me happy. My dad still thinks he can change my mind but…”, Steve shrugs. 

“I wasn’t good enough for my father either. So much so he left me with my uncle and ended up in jail. Supposedly, he complains about me in there. I’m a ‘pansy fucking pig’ now or some bullshit. I’ve explained a thousand times I’m not a cop but it doesn’t matter.”

“You still talk to him?”

“Sometimes…”, Eddie sighs. “Not as much as I used to.”

“Where’s your mom?”

The metalhead crosses his arms over his chest as he shifts his gaze to the floor. “She, uh, she died a long time ago.”

“What about you?”, you ask as you focus your line of questioning on Steve again. 

“My mom follows my dad around like a puppy. Honestly, I think she’s afraid of not having the money and lifestyle he provides her.”

You exhale heavily as you sit on the couch, fidgeting with your fingers. “The, um, the first time I drank excessively was after I was signed to my first label. I called my family and I told them thinking maybe this would prove to them I am good enough to make it. One of the many times I would think that while moving up in my career.” You roll your eyes before continuing. “My dad said ‘Wow. Amazing. Hey, did you hear that they renewed that show your mom and I like for a new season? Pretty cool.’”

Eddie and Steve came to sit on either side of you as they listened to you speak. When you froze, they tried to urge you to continue. 

“What about the drugs? When did that start?”

“Simon.”, you chuckle under your breath. “Three years ago…my mom and I got into a fight because I invited her to come visit me for the billionth time and they both came up with some excuse. I was drinking but it wasn’t enough so…” Your eyes met Steve’s before turning to find Eddie’s. “You both are actually the first people to walk into my life and not use me or be toxic.”

“Give us time. I’m sure we can be toxic if we tried.”

“Munson, oh my god. Shut up.” Steve reached over to playfully swat at his friend making you laugh. 

“Why aren’t you guys taken? Do you get into bad relationships to?”

“Yes and no. Stevie here has gotten the bulk of bad relationships.”

His eyes met yours as he softly smiled down at you, throwing his hands up in slight surprise when you crawl into his lap.

“I’m sorry, Steve.”

The man heavily sighs as his palm reaches up to pet your head. “It’s alright. I mean, it is what it is.”

“I haven’t…been with anyone…since what happened with Simon. I wouldn’t hurt you both like that. I…I really like you. I like the way…I feel with you.”

“And how is that?”, Eddie asked with a gentle tone.

“Safe. Protected. Cared for.”

“We do care about you. Very much.”, Steve cooed as he kissed your forehead. 

“Can you show me? Show me how much you care about me.”

“Are you sure you’re up for that? You’ve been through a lot these past few days.”

You nod vigorously as your lips land on his neck, tenderly kissing along the skin of his throat. 

“Hey, hey…” Lightly tugging on your hair, he pulls you back to look at him as his voice changes to a more authoritative one. “What’s the rule? When we ask you something…”

“I verbally answer. I’m sorry, Steve. Yes, yes, I’m up for anything as long as I’m with you two.”

He flashes you a comforting smile before shifting your body till your legs were straddling either side of his and your back was to his chest. 

“Good girl, baby. Lean back and get comfortable.”

You do as he suggests, placing a kiss on his cheek before resting your forehead against it. His palms roam you along your arms to your knees and back up between your thighs. 

“You’re so beautiful, honey. Isn’t she beautiful, Ed?”

“Gorgeous.” The hand closest to him reaches out to caress his face as he turns into your touch and kisses your hand. 

Steve’s fingers grip the bottom of your shirt as he lifts it over your head and tosses it aside. The feeling of him rubbing his strong, palms along your tummy and just under your breasts sets you ablaze. You could sit like this forever and be happy. Eddie scoots closer and you lightly moan when you feel his lips kiss your shoulder, down to your tits. 

Your legs start to close to relieve the pressure building in your core but they are both faster, each hand keeping you open as the metalhead wraps his mouth around your nipple. Throwing your head back, Steve’s lips meet your own as his tongue dances with yours. Feeling him shift slightly, you gasp out a groan when his hand massages your other breast, his fingers gliding over the erect bud as Eddie’s tongue plays with the one on his side. 

“Fuck…”

“Does that feel good?”

Your nose grazes his as you nod. “Yes. Fe-feels really good.”

“Is that why your grinding your hips?”, he chuckles.

“Can I take off my shorts, please?”

Eddie’s mouth released its grip on you with a satisfying pop as he trailed up your body to the side of your neck. 

“Oh, Steve. She said please. How can we say no when she’s being so polite?” Hooking his digits into the waistband of your pants and panties, you lift your hips, allowing him more mobility to pull them down your legs. 

His head tilted to look at you as he reached between your thighs to spread open your pussy lips.

“Jesus. Pretty girl is so wet already.”

As soon as the pads of his fingers graze your clit, you know you aren’t going to last long. 

“Please…”

“Please what, princess?”

“Touch me.”

“I am touching you.” Your eyebrows furrow in frustration at his answer and Eddie promptly grabs your cheeks, turning you to face him. “No attitude. No whining. If you can’t tell me…why don’t you show me what you want.”

As if to help you, Steve grabs your wrist and places your hand where his friend’s had just been. Sliding your fingers through your slick, you push two into your sex, leaning back again as you moan. It’s not enough, not even close. You need their long, thick fingers to reach the places you can’t. Your eyes meet the metalhead’s as you silently plead for him to get the message. 

“Need something?”

“You. I need your fingers inside of me. Please.”

Placing his lips gently on your own, he takes over what you are doing and effortlessly glides his digits into you. Eddie thrusts into you at a quick, brutal pace as your arm wraps around Steve’s neck to cling to his hair. 

“You have to be open with us, Y/N. Always. We can’t automatically know what you want.”

“I-I figured—fuck—I thought you would…know what I need. Wh-what’s best for me?”

Your surprised when you hear them both chuckle.

“That’s a whole different level of trust, sweetheart. I don’t know if we’re there yet.”

“I’m sorry.” His rhythm slowed then as he scanned you over. “That…that I haven’t given you enough of a reason to trust me yet. I’ll do better. I promise.”

“Baby…” Your heart broken little girl voice was tearing them apart. Steve kissed your temple as Eddie used his free hand to brush some of your hair back. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. We do trust you. You’ve gotten so much better at proving that to us since we met you.”

“What he means is, he doesn’t think you’re ready to let go and trust us like that.”

“But—”

“Sweetheart, it’s not a bad thing or anything you should be ashamed of. We just…after everything you’ve been through with people commanding you around and hurting you…”

“I wouldn’t have asked you here, if I didn’t feel comfortable letting go and trusting you.”

“To be fair, you didn’t ask. You led and we followed.”

Gripping Eddie’s wrist, you moved his hand from between your legs and climbed onto his lap, cupping his cheeks forcefully in your hands. 

“Tonight, I’m letting go. I told you to show me how much you care about me. No reservations, no holding back.” When they glanced at each other, you roughly moved his face to focus back on you. “I said…show me.” His chocolate eyes glare into your confident ones before you’re abruptly lifted from behind and carried to the bedroom. 

You were so entranced by the other boy that you didn’t even notice Steve stand until he took hold of you. After throwing you on to the mattress, you watch as they quickly get undressed, and kick their clothes aside. Without saying a word, Steve dropped to his knees, grabbed your thighs, and yanked you to the end of the bed. 

Closing your eyes, a moan left your throat as he practically shoved his face into your cunt and his tongue began devouring you. You felt a dip beside you and turned to find Eddie holding his cock as he brought the end to your lips. 

“Open.”, he commanded. As soon as your mouth parted just enough, he pushed himself between them, lacing his fingers into your hair as he began to thrust his hips slowly. “That’s it, princess. Flat tongue, open throat. Fuck… we can do the rest.”

The metalhead grunted as you whimpered around him as his friend built you up. As your thighs tried to close, his firm hands pressed them flat as his mouth wrapped around your clit. Your eyes squeezed tighter together as you mewled and hollowed out your cheeks. Drool and spit were leaking from both corners of your mouth as both men held you still.

Eddie suddenly pulled back, leaning down till his forehead was against yours as his grip on your hair tightened. 

“Cum, baby. Cum all over Steve’s face. It’s ok if it’s messy. We like it that way.” Your hand clung to his wrist as you panted against his lips, moaning as the coil snapped, and your legs shook in the other man’s grasp. “Good girl, sweetheart. Good girl.”

Steve rose to his feet lifting you again, bringing you further up the mattress, and man handling you onto your stomach. Spreading your legs a bit wider and lifting your lower half, you groaned when you felt him spit directly into your pussy before guiding his cock into your entrance. Falling flat against you, he rolls his hips, allowing you to adjust to the feeling of him as your eyes roll.

“F-fuck yes. Yes, Steve. P-please.”, you beg as he tenderly traces kisses along your shoulder. 

“Why are you begging, honey? I thought—fuck—I thought you wanted us to take control? For us to show you we know what’s best for you?”

“I-I-I do. I just… you feel so good. Please.”

“Shhhh. Shhhh. It’s ok, pretty girl. I got you, baby.” His palm slides around to grasp your throat as he grounded his hips harder into you. Your eyes widen, jaw going slack as he grunts loudly behind you and thrusts into a bit faster. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N. Your little pussy takes me so well. I’m gonna take care of you, ok? You…you remember what to say if I’m hurting you?”

You could barely form a coherent thought let alone answer his question. Ringed fingers moved some of your hair out of your face as Eddie’s breath warmed your ear. 

“Come on, princess. You can do it. What do you say if you feel uncomfortable or if we’re hurting you?”

“P-P-Paris.”

“Good girl.” You felt like you wanted to cry with happiness when they both praised you.

Steve leaned back on his knees and lifted his leg, placing his foot near your side. One of his hands held the meat of your ass as the other grabbed the back of your neck, pressing you into the mattress. At this angle, when he slammed his hips into yours, you swore you felt him reach your inside your stomach. Eddie’s hand reached for yours and you held on to it tightly as Steve punched his cock into you. 

Releasing his hold on you, the man placed his hand beside your head allowing you to crane your neck so you could look at him. 

“So…deep, Steve. Fuck.”

“Does my dick feel good, baby?”

“Y-Yes, Steve.”

“Cum, Y/N. Cum hard on my cock.” Pumping into you faster, you screamed into the sheets as you felt your walls clench around him and your vision was blinded by white. “Goddamn it! Come here. Come here, pretty girl.”

Pulling out, he grabbed your arm as he fell back against the bed, fisting himself with your slick as he guided your lips to his tip. “Open up, honey.” Without hesitation, you took over, bobbing your head as fast and deep as you could. Whimpering, his fingers aggressively threaded through your hair to hold you still as he thrust his warm spend down your throat. “Fuck…go-good girl. Take it all and swallow.”

As you softly trailed kisses up stomach to his chest, Eddie laid himself beside you two, shoulder to shoulder with his friend. You glanced his way and he offered you big, sexy grin in return. 

“No rush, sweetheart. Take your time.”

When your eyes met Steve’s again his head tilted in amusement when he realized what headspace you were in and what you were looking for. Cupping your cheeks in his hands, he brings your lips gently to his own.

“You want to fuck Eddie, baby girl?” When you nod, his thumb caresses your bottom lip. “Ok. Why don’t you ask him if that’s ok.”

“Eddie…can I fuck you, please?”

Your needy, little voice had the metalhead licking his lips as he motioned for you with his fingers. “Yeah, beautiful. Come here.” Placing you on his lap, you straddle his waist as your hands reach out to hold his shoulders while he grips the base of his cock. Lifting your hips, you gradually descend on to him, both of you moaning at the feel of him stretching your walls. Your sweaty forehead falls against his as you begin to grind. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. God, you’re so gorgeous especially—mmm—especially riding my dick. Really ride it, babe. Take all of me.” His palms take hold of your sides as you lean back and do what he says. They both watch with glassy eyes as your tits bounce along with you. “Come on, Y/N. Harder!” You whimper with pleasure as he smacks your ass, trying to move as hard as you can. 

“E-Eddie. Please…help.”

“You need some help?” Taking your face in his hands, he brings you down to your chest is flush with his as presses your face into the pillow behind him. “Of course you do, little one. You know why? Only we know how to please you.”

His hips thrust up into yours hard and you immediately saw stars. Grunts and groans filled your ears as he set an aggressive pace. 

“Y-you’re doing so good, Y/N. Fuck…your cunt is so fucking tight. It’s too good. Let go again, sweetheart. Let me make you cum.”

Eddie released you and you sat back as your own palms leaned against his chest while his hands forced you down to meet each pump of his hips. Steve reached over you both and rapidly rubbed against your clit as you moaned loudly. 

They watch as you come undone, trembling as you pant and fall forward with your mouth just above his. The metalhead’s lips passionately dance with yours as he continues thrusting into you until you feel him release inside of you. 

Everything is silent except for both of you trying to catch your breath. Eddie’s hands glide up your back as he holds on to you, carefully turning you two on to your side and slowly pulling himself out of your now aching hole. 

His breathy chuckle fills the room as he pets your head that is still pressed into his chest. 

“You didn’t die on me, did you?”

Feeling movement behind you, you quickly turned to grab Steve’s arm. “No! Don’t go.”, you plead.

“Hey. You said you trust me right?” You nod. “Good. Plus, this hotel room isn’t like the fucking mansions you usually stay in so…” He continues talking to you in a light tone as he heads for the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. “…you can see me walk from each room without a telescope.”

You smile as he jumps back into bed, opens the cap, and hands it to you. After glugging back half of it, you hand him back the bottle who in turn hands it to his friend. 

“You always put him first.” Steve’s head shot up to look at you. “I’m not saying it like it’s a flaw. It’s just something I noticed. You make sure everyone else’s needs are met first.”

He gazes out the window for a moment before softly smiling in your direction and taking you in his arms to carry you into the bathroom. Placing you on the sink, he spoke as he started making a bath. 

“Probably because I know what it feels like not to be taken care of. That’s probably also why we’re so good at this job. Remember, I told you my dad had this idea of who he wanted me to be? Well, he never even stuck around to make sure it happened. I spent most of my childhood alone or with friends.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Eddie comes up to your side and lifts you again, placing you in the warm water before they both follow after. “I like that you’re both loyal to each other. It’s one of the first things I noticed. Honestly, except for Sarah, I think everyone else is looking out for themselves.”

“Maybe…when you go home…you should change that.”, the metalhead sighs as he cleans you. “It’s been really hard for us watching Mark talk down to you the way he has.”

“And Jack.”, Steve adds. “It sucks because we can’t protect you like that.”

“Like what?”

“Y/N, if you worked for us we would have fired all these people already. As soon as Mark raised his voice to demean you, we would have told him to fuck off. But we work for you. Technically, even he is above us.”

“I’m learning. It’s part of the reason I’ve been such a bitch. I panic when I feel out of control so I just ugh!”, you playfully growl to emphasis your point. 

“It’s called fight or flight, sweetheart.”, Eddie smirks. “You lean more towards the fight side like we do but sometimes…”

“What about you, Ed? Were you cared for as a kid?”

“By my mom, yeah. Then a few years later with my uncle after my dad went in.”

“May I ask what he did to get sent to jail?”

“No, you may not.” His tone was stern but not rough in any way. It was meant to be a warning. 

“Are you ready to get out, honey?”, Steve whispers. After you nod, he rises from the tub and helps you step onto the tile, wrapping you in a towel as he dries you off. 

“Have you two ever been out of the country?”

“My parents have so many times but not me.”

You glance at the metalhead who shakes his head as he shuffles the towel through his hair. The other boy leads you back into the bedroom and helps get you into some fresh pajamas. 

“Maybe, if we’re up for it, tomorrow I can show you guys around. Paris is a beautiful city.”

“That sounds like a good idea, baby. For right now though, are you hungry or anything?”

“No. Thank you for asking but I’m exhausted.”

Steve smiles as he watches you crawl under covers, letting you get comfortable before doing the same and pulling your back to his chest. Eddie lays in front of you and you pleasantly sigh as he touches your cheek. 

“I’m sorry for being short with you. I have some trouble talking about that period in my life.”

“I understand. Trust me. I get it better than anyone. Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart. I’ll be here.”

He chuckles as he watches your eyelids become heavier. “I don’t think you’ve called me anything like that before. Usually it’s just ‘Eddie’ or ‘Asshole’.”

You smirk as he leans down to kiss your forehead. 

“We’re here to, Y/N, and we aren’t going anywhere any time soon.” 

###############

@rckstrbee @melodymishahiddlestan @strangerfreak

@siriuslysmoking @micheledawn1975 @cositaslua

@munsonmoonshine86 @unfocused81 @paleidiot

@dad-steddie @aol19 @strngrlytn @mrsjellymunson

@needylilgal022

[courtingchaos]

Eddie Munson x Reader (kind of?)

18+ No Minors

The meeting lets out after sunset and this time of year always makes Eddie feel like he’s missed a step on the stairs when it happens. What feels like a high noon sun disappears after two hours inside the rec center, plunging him into the winter darkness. Even with the chill people still mill around out front with their little paper cups of cheap coffee clutched in their hands while they say their long winded goodbyes. He knows they mean well and it’s good that everyone has connections but all he ever wants to do is leave after these meetings. Get in his van and drive for an hour to unwind the spool of thread that’s been spun tight around the bobbin of therapy.

You weren’t there tonight but he isn’t surprised, still misses you though. He could sense your anger mounting all last month and when you didn’t show last week he didn’t jump to a conclusion for the first time in long time. He sat through the meeting and listened to Charles and his droning calm and when he’d been let loose on the cold streets he’d made a beeline for the pay phone outside.

“Hello?”

“It’s Eddie.”

“Okay.”

A clink of a spoon on pottery, probably one of the misshapen bowls you’d made.

“I’m just checking in.” He shrugs even though you can’t see it. Keeps his tone light especially since you answered after two rings.

The improbable can’t be happening if you’re eating cereal after all.

“Did Charles ask you to call?” A snide remark followed by a crunch of what he can safely assume is Kix.

“No, I made a big boy decision all by myself.”

“Well that’s very brave of you.” Your tone suggest mocking of your group leader and Eddie huffs a laugh into the receiver.

“I figured you wouldn’t be here, but…” Eddie trails off because he isn’t going to tell you he misses you because that would suggest he’s in touch with his emotions, the very things he staunchly ignores in favor of keeping the panic attacks at bay.

“Was I so obvious?”

“A little. The storming out tends to tell people you’re a upset.”

You’re quick with your reply. “I wasn’t upset with you.”

“I know.” The cold creeps in under his layers and the flannel tied around his waist isn’t doing much to keep his lower half warm. Around him headlights swing around the faces of the buildings as everyone starts to finally head home. He tucks the phone against his shoulder so he can huff air into his palms to warm up and you must hear him.

“Are you still downtown?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna come over? I’m just watching Happy Days reruns.” More crunching but a bowl of cereal actually sounds good right about now. He wants to say yes because he likes your couch, it’s dented in the right ways and he sinks into it every time. He also really likes your cat JD but who you call Tubs on account of him being so rotund.

“It stands for Jack Daniel, I bet you can’t guess what I was up to when I found him.”

But there’s this street light that doesn’t work right outside of your third floor apartment. Sometimes it’s perfectly fine but then some other times when he falls asleep on your too comfortable couch he wakes to a flickering. Something that seems to be Morse code, a cry for help from a sewn up dimension and it sends him into a spiral.

“I was uh, thinking about-“

“They fixed the street light.”

His pause must have been longer than he thought. “Uh, yeah I-I’m sorry about last time. I didn’t mean to swing at you-“

“I shouldn’t have just grabbed you.” You dismiss him, not unkindly, but for the umpteenth time he’s apologizing and you’ve said it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault he’d seen a petaled face in the dark of your apartment while you’d tried to calm him down. “Okay, let me rephrase this then. If you’re comfortable, the invitation is open to come have cereal with me and watch Happy Days-no wait I think it’s Bewitched now, yeah Bewitched reruns with me.”

“Oh Samantha is a weak spot for me.” Eddie drops another quarter in when he’s prompted. “I always liked that little nose wiggle.”

The silence stretches for a moment while he deliberates and you seem to move around your place. A quiet chirp tells him JD is weaving between your feet and looking for dinner and honestly, Eddie shares the feeling. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Your voice ticks up in excitement he hasn’t heard in a while from you and it makes his decision concrete.

“Yeah, I’ll be over in ten.”

Played up whooping from you ends his phone call and he only has to grip his steering wheel a little bit before he finally turns his van on and heads to your place.

He lets himself in when he gets there. A bowl for him already on your beat up coffee table and JD sitting in Eddie’s usual spot. The couch swallows him like normal and he relaxes for the first time today. You tell him you’ll be at next weeks meeting and then show him that you can also do the nose the Samantha Nose Wiggle. It makes him laugh while he digs into his second bowl of Froot Loops and the street lamp doesn’t flicker once.

[creedslove]

What about dad whiskey headcanons?

How he behaves with toddlers etc.

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!reader

A/N: bestie, this suggestion is amazing

• Whiskey is a very insecure dad at first, the loss of his first family made him become kind of neurotic and paranoid, he he just thinks he isn't good enough to protect them especially because he thinks everything can harm them

• but once he goes to therapy and he gets used to the idea, he begins feeling more and more confident and excited about being a dad, though he's still a little worried about his age, that he won't have the energy to handle his little one, but once the baby is born he sees that he still got it™

• and time passes by fast and soon enough his baby becomes a toddler and ever since that tiny little creature has been born, he's been the happiest in his life

• now, kids thing Whiskey is funny because let's face it, he is funny. He is just... Too much, like too much of a cowboy? He talks funny and kids love that

• and Jack likes it too, especially when his kids tell him how funny they think their daddy is

• and he is so patient with them, like his beautiful princess is crying for whatever reason, he will take her in his lap and let her cry her little heart out and hug her real tight, always reminding her that her daddy will protect her

• he would give his kids so many things, spoiling them, money is not a problem and Jack just wants to see them happy, so if they want dolls, toys, ponies, he will give them all

• Jack will teach them from early age to respect and love animals, so as soon as they are big enough, he'll teach his kids how to horseback ride

• he'll teach them how to work with the lasso but not the whip because it's dangerous and you don't want your kids dealing with that

• he'll take his kids to Statesman so they can see daddy working and the kids will enjoy every single part of it, finding so cool to run through the hallways

• he brushes and braid's his daughter's hair and this topic isn't open for discussion, I just feel it in my bones he loves giving his daughter a beautiful hairstyle

• he plays with his kids for as long as they want: he plays barbie dolls, blocks, truck or whatever they want, all that matters is that his beautiful family is happy ❤️

____

[thosewickedlovelies]

Get or Get Got

Jack Daniels x F!Reader x Javier Peña

Summary: Jack Daniels, having benefitted from much therapy, retires early from Statesman and founds Jack’s Ranch and Wellness Center, a therapy ranch open to all but specializing in people like he once was: former military or government agents, struggling with living a normal life again. Javier Peña, working on his father’s ranch after trading in his own harrowing career, has a vision of his future there in Tennessee. Can it be possible that such a place isn’t too good to be true? Javier intends to find out.

Tags: oblique (Narcos canon-typical) references to drug trafficking; otherwise no warnings! I think technically this should count as a rated Teen story, especially since the rating will go up later, but for now anyone can enjoy.

Words: 3390

Note: OMG WOW HII and welcome to the official first installment in the rancher boys fic universe!!! These three and their ranch have taken over my brain (and my blog), and I hope you find as much enjoyment in their story as I have :)

I think I’m gonna try to do a fun thing with chapter names for once, and name them all after cowboy sayings or other relevant idioms. This one is inspired by the saying “Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.”

Masterlist

Javier Peña is not a nervous man by nature. He doesn’t hem-haw or agonize over which path to take; he reviews all the evidence available to him, and makes a decision. There’s no point in sitting around biting your nails; you either do the thing or you don’t. In his line of work, hesitation got people killed.

In his former line of work, that is. Hunting down drug kingpins who got a little too comfortable on the wrong side of the law, blinded by their bloated sense of self-importance. Dangerous work, his life’s work- until he quit. Too much politics, people in suits manipulating the world to the shape they wanted, regardless of the law or consequences. Irrespective of any set of morals Javier could discern. 

So he got out. He had done his due, made an impact. No one could say otherwise. Javier knew this for himself. He had a few regrets- but he knew that if he stayed, he’d have more.

Which is how he ended up here, fingers drumming against the steering wheel of his rental car and boots tapping dust all over the floor.

Hem-hawing.

The visitor’s outpost of Jack’s Ranch and Wellness Center wasn’t far from the main set of barns. Javier could smell the manure from here.

He ran through the debate in his head again. Why check in to the center as a patient instead of outright inquiring about a job? 

Just in case.

Oh, this place had glowing reviews. Former military or government agents like him who came home different, traumatized, fearing they’d never be able adjust to civilian life again, humbly and frankly thanking Jack and his team for giving them the tools they needed to recover. Farm and psychology professionals alike praising Jack’s methods and everything the ranch does. 

But you never knew what truly happened on the inside. That is why Javier is here, preparing to go undercover one last time- to ensure that this place is really worth it.

A pleasant chime sounds as he opens the door. To one side is a section that looks like a standard tourist shop- some Tennessee-related kitsch, a drinks cooler, a selection of what are probably “local crafts”. To the other is an open space with small clumps of waiting room chairs, likely for discussions with the smiling woman who’s rising from behind the counter.

“Welcome to Jack’s Ranch and Wellness Center, how can I help you?”

--

Javier coughs as a breeze blows the scent of manure to him, stronger now than it was an hour or two ago, before he’d been stuck inside with counselors to appease and forms to fill out. He was pretty sure he’d passed with them, but apparently Jack Daniels approved every admittant personally- Javi’s tour would be the final hurtle. 

He surveys the expanse of land as he waits. Much of the setup is familiar to him- he’d grown up on a ranch, after all. His father would approve of the tall fences, the brightly painted signs and buildings. Their family’d had to put most of their work budget toward functionality, not aesthetics. It looked like that wasn’t the case here.

Javier feels another pang of guilt for leaving his pop in the middle of their trip. But one glimpse of Jack Daniels’s setup at that farm expo had been all it took. Once he’d looked past the head rancher’s ridiculously spangled getup, he’d seen the encouraging gestures, the trust and confidence that he clearly inspired among his team. Javi had googled their logo and the idea had wormed into his brain and built a home and a career plan. 

“Javier Peña?”

Javi snaps to attention.

Jack Daniels. The man himself is striding towards Javier, long, tightly-pantsed legs eating up the ground. The clinging denim is a darker shade than that of his jacket; the white t-shirt beneath the jacket is tucked in. Who wears white to do ranch work? His belt buckle is big and shiny, but Javier doesn’t have time to study it before Jack reaches him, smile glinting twice as bright.

“Well, it’s nice to meetcha.” He extends his hand.

“Likewise,” Javi says.

Christ, there’s enough twang in Jack’s accent to make a banjo jealous. But his handshake is firm, and while his shirt is pristine, his cowboy boots are well-worn, and rings of dirt under his fingernails leave no doubt that he participates in the dirty work.

Jack is already offering effusive words of welcome, but Javi is only half-listening, absently flexing his hand to the ghostly rasp of Jack’s calluses. His attention is torn between Jack’s spiel and his person- there’s an honest-to-god lasso hanging at his hip, which he casually rests a hand over when he shifts his weight. It’s a movement so thoughtless that Javi immediately clocks it as second nature- Jack is as used to wearing that lasso as Javi is to tucking his gun in the back of his jeans.

“It’s not for show,” Jack says, amused.

Javier realizes he was staring, a second too late to have heard the end of Jack’s speech. “Uh-”

“It gets a lot of questions, especially from bolder folk,” Jack continues, sparing Javi the humiliation of a bumbling excuse. “But I only use it on humanfolk if they’re bein’ real naughty.” 

Jack winks, an easy grin turning up one corner of his mustache.

And Javi just keeps staring, because how often is the head of a therapy ranch a stunningly handsome, cowboy hat-wearing personality who winks at his potential wards?

“...Right,” Javi finally mutters. For an utter lack of anything else to say.

Jack straightens up, affecting a businesslike air again. “Well, what are we standin’ around for? There’s work needs doing! Let’s get on with your tour.”

–

Jack greets no fewer than five separate people before they even reach the second barn. All by name, all with genuine, eye-creasing smiles and claps on the shoulder. Javier watches silently, nodding politely when he’s introduced as a “future newbie” with an almost-touch and yet another wink.

“You let me know how that trick works out, y’hear?” Jack calls after the latest ranch hand.

The man (boy, really, wide-eyed and appearing fearful of rebuke simply for not yet being perfect at his new job) is hustling off to follow Jack’s recently imparted advice. The finer details of dairy barn tech went a bit over Javier’s head, but his eyebrows had raised at the expertise apparent in Jack’s answer. For some reason, despite the dust on the brim of his hat, Javi didn’t expect Jack to demonstrate such nitty-gritty knowledge. Javi had gained his own experience through lessons with his father; he wondered where Jack had learned.

“...Right,” Jack is going on, holding open the door to a third building, an “administrative outpost” and employee space. It must have been the original house on this land- Jack leads Javi through wide open rooms whose wood floors soak up the sunlight from windows on every side. Comfy-looking, mismatched furniture abounds, as do what Javi guesses are personal decorations from the employees- inside jokes that he has no hope of understanding. In the fully-equipped kitchen, a coffeepot whirs and spits, filling the room with its invigorating fragrance.

“I don’t like to overwhelm folks too fast, so we’ll take a little break here. There’s snacks in the cabinets, usually some drinks in the fridge, and it appears someone has so kindly put the coffee to brewin’ for us.”

Jack looks about to say more, when a ringtone trills from his chest. Before Javi has finished reflexively patting his pockets, Jack is excusing himself, whisking the phone from a panel inside his jacket.

“Ginger, darlin’, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Jack’s voice trails away as he strides out of earshot, boots clocking decisively on the wooden floorboards.

Javi’s thoughts snag on the appearance of the sleek phone in Jack’s hand. Something about it kept the sight running on a loop in his head…what was strange about it?

He’s too weary too figure it out. Javi slumps down at the kitchen table, immensely relieved to have a moment’s silence. His arms will be a fine pillow until the coffee is done brewing…

He reacts to the footsteps a beat too slow. “Oh! Sorry-” a feminine voice begins.

Javi all but jumps to his feet, nearly launching the chair across the tiles behind him. Clearing his throat, he straightens, attempting to look more alert than he feels.

“I heard Jack’s voice, so I thought you’d be him, but you’re not.” Your laugh is light and apologetic. “I don’t think we’ve met before. Are you new?”

You don’t look like any ranch hand Javi has ever seen. Like a deity sprung from the earth, maybe. Mud speckled on your graceful arms and eyes that remind him of an open field. But your boots are clumped with dirt and there’s an ID badge clipped to your belt, so you must belong here.

“Uh, yeah. Soon to be, anyway.”

“Oh, is Jack giving you the tour? No wonder you were about to pass out.” You laugh again, this time genuinely, and Javier finds his mouth automatically turning up in response. “Jack’s great, but he can be…energetic. You get used to it. But I won’t interrupt your nap.”

Eyes dancing with amusement, you return to your original quest. Mugs clink in one cabinet, bags of chips crinkle in another. Once you’ve retrieved creamer from the fridge, you turn to the now-silent coffeepot.

Javi sinks slowly back down in his seat, keeping a surreptitious eye on you. He wonders how many ranch hands here are women- and how many of them are the psych-certified. You don’t wear the green bandana Jack had indicated on the first person they met earlier. Other practical questions strike him all at once- will he be able to sneak booze into this place? Are admittants allowed to hook up?

Maybe he should have hem-hawed for longer.

Your phone dings, but only once you’ve finished doctoring your coffee do you pull it out. The bottle of creamer sweats on the counter while you scroll. At the sight of your clearly habitual motion, Javier realizes what it was about Jack’s phone that bothered him.

It wasn’t real. There wasn’t a brand or model like it on the market- only hypothetical designs that Javi remembers seeing in slideshows from his time as an agent. Tech that only the richest- or shadiest- people have.

What the hell shady activity could Jack Daniels be covering up with a therapy ranch?

“Sweet-talker!” Jack reenters the room, every inch of him lighting up at the sight of you. His eyes crinkle. He seems to forget about Javi entirely, all of his attention wrapping around you like an intimate hug.

“Jack.” You give him a warm smile in return. Something in the quirk of your lips makes Javi wonder what he’s about to witness.

“Haven’t seen you in a few days, Silver. You been hidin’ from me?” 

“No, just busy with the new alpaca. Her last owners definitely weren’t very nice to her, but I think I’m making progress.”

So you’re the resident…what, animal whisperer? Javi supposes that explains Sweet-talker. And Silver, for silver-tongued?

Jack’s gaze never leaves you. He hangs on your every word with fond eyes and a permanent half-smile. As if he knew he didn’t need to hear your words to enjoy them- the fact that they were from you was enough for him to be content.

Finally you lift your mug to your lips again, using it to hide your amusement. “Aren’t you going to offer your guest a coffee, Jack?”

A jolt of guilt straightens Jack’s spine- although he keeps his gaze on you for a second longer before turning. 

“Well, a’course!” When Jack faces Javi again, he’s beaming that charming, megawatt smile, no trace of annoyance or guile to be found. 

You slip Javi a sympathetic, knowing expression as you leave them the room. Javi nods, but his mind is elsewhere- churning over everything he thought he knew about Jack Daniels.

–

Over the next few hours, Javi’s brain steadily liquefies under the relentless stream of information from Jack. Barns for cows, sheep, horses. Feed and equipment storage for each. From somewhere comes the barking of dogs, but Jack tells him not to worry about them, glancing around with theatrical wariness that Javi is too tired to take the cue to ask about. Two large buildings at the end of the road ahead of them, one housing the admittant dorms and the other, recreational spaces and therapists’ offices. 

“We get folks with lotsa different stories. Some ain’t never set foot on a ranch before, and never do again- they get the peace of mind of physical labor and whatever other help they need, and then they go back to their real life. And if it works for them, it works for me. Some of the folks who are in this line of work want to stay, and sometimes I let ‘em. But all birds gotta leave the nest. I got a bit of a system set up with the neighbors to hire folks, get their friends to hire ‘em after. Help them get their bearings in the real world again, build up their trust in themselves.”

It’s clear what Jack is doing. By sharing such information about other admittants, he’s assuring Javier that’s he’s normal- that whatever his story or his reasons, he’ll be welcome here.

Jack’s increased silence is obvious, his questions gentle but probing, and Javi knows this is when he tells his story.

“I’ve been working on my dad’s ranch since leaving the service. I like being there for him, and I don’t mind the work- it keeps me busy. It was a relief to be home, for awhile. But..."

But then he saw them. The drug traffickers he’d worked so hard to put away, barely bothering to hide their illicit work. They weren’t the same people, of course. But that only worsened the blow. Only dug the wound that much deeper- the thought that whatever good he did, someone would always be out there undoing it, unless he kept going, always searching, fighting, sacrificing…

“But you’re not the same man,” Jack finishes quietly.

Javi clears his throat. “Something like that.”

He didn’t realize how honest his story was until he’d told it. Javier feels uncomfortably raw, visible. His hands betray his emotions, fidgeting, fingers and thumbs twitching and pressing at themselves in a grounding technique a therapist had once taught him.

The two men have stopped halfway down the packed gravel road. There’s nothing but open fields around them, the bald sky overhead. It doesn’t help his feeling of vulnerability, but Javi forces himself to meet Jack’s gaze from the corner of his eye.

There’s no pity in Jack’s face- only firm understanding. “Well, now. Let’s see if we can’t do something about that.”

Jack sticks out his hand. “Consider this your formal welcome to Jack’s Ranch and Wellness Center.”

His hand hovers, unwavering. 

This is it. Slower than earlier, Javi reaches out and takes it.

It’s less a shake than it is a clasp. An accord of wills; a squeeze in recognition of mutual understanding. A gesture as old as humanity.

Javier pushes aside unexpected, unwelcome guilt.

Jack’s smile expands until it’s the same pleased shape it’s been in all day. “Let’s go get you a room!”

The sun follows them like a watchful eye. It’s far from the hottest that summer will get, but sweat has long since trickled through to the spine of Javi’s shirt; he’s praying that his room will be their last stop today.

A figure glimmers into being at the end of the road. It’s you again, coming from the recreational building. Javi recognizes your gait- and the way Jack straightens up, vibrating like a puppy trying with all its might to restrain his excitement.

He waits until you’re in normal hearing range, at least. “Howdy again, Silver,” Jack calls. “Everything all right?”

“Hi again, Jack.” You smile and give Javi a nod as well. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Thursday is my usual appointment now, since switching therapists.” 

Jack smacks his palm exaggeratedly against his forehead, skewing the angle of his hat. “That’s right, I remember you tellin’ me. You’ll have to excuse this head of mine, honey, it’s been nuttier than a squirrel’s nest up here since havin’ to deal with-”

The same ringtone from earlier peals from Jack’s chest pocket.

Jack sighs. “Well, speak of the devil. I’ll just be a jiffy.” He flashes you and Javi an apologetic look before wandering away, and again Javi catches a glimpse of the sleek, hypothetical technology before it reaches Jack’s ear. 

You’re looking after Jack with an exasperated sort of fondness. Javier thinks quickly. This could backfire on him, make you defensive of Jack and unwilling to talk, but it would only be natural for Javi to continue the conversation where it left off…

“So what’s Jack been having to deal with?”

Your attention returns to Javi. “Oh, some new investors. They want to donate some crazy sum, but with the caveat of making some changes? It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before.”

You flap a hand dismissively. More of your energy, Javi can see, is going into assessing him- your gaze flickering over him as you speak, a subtle sort of curiosity prodding at his shirt collar, his decidedly-not-cowboy boots, the hair curling over his forehead. 

One corner of Javier’s mouth curves up the slightest bit, holding your gaze when it finds his eyes again. Letting you know he saw you checking him out-

“Does this place have a lot of investors?” Javi allows his own attention to drift down while you answer, drawn again to your hips by the id badge, to your strong arms. 

-but that he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“There’s one consistent investor; any others are pretty sporadic. But we do well enough that that’s all we need.” 

Your chest puffs slightly, a hint of pride entering your eyes, still locked with his. 

Javier nods slowly in respectful acknowledgement, his smile growing a fraction.

“Good to know.”

But Javi’s stupid brain was like a dog with a bone, fixated on the way Jack’s damn phone glittered in the sun. He glances back over at him.

“They buy him that fancy phone as a bribe?” Javi injects some humor into his tone, summoning the half-smile he uses to suggest the idea of flirting.

It doesn’t work as he hoped. You glance at him sharply, any trace of flirtation flattened like the gravel into the packed earth beneath their feet. 

“What do you mean?”

Shit. “Nothing, just that I’ve never seen a phone like that before. It’s not exactly the latest iPhone, is it?” 

It wasn’t even the latest smart-flip-phone, or whatever the fuck they were calling them. Javi could swear it had changed, shifted its shape somehow, but with Jack’s hand engulfing it the way it had, he couldn’t be sure. Jack stood with his back to them- angled so that his right ear was entirely out of their view. Was it deliberate?

Fresh sweat prickles on Javi’s forehead, unrelated to the heat. 

Your friendliness has cooled like a cloud passing in front of the sun. “Jack likes to be up on new tech. For himself and the ranch.”

Before Javi can respond, Jack returns.

“Sorry about that, all. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Silver! Allow me to formally introduce you to Javier Peña, our newest admittant.”

Javi can see the moment Jack’s announcement lands. Your lips part; you blink rapidly several times. Is that..betrayal that you quickly shove down beneath a welcoming smile?

“Oh, that’s great! It’s so great here. You’re going to love it.”

There’s something strange about your expression now. Distance. A wall between you and Javier that you hadn’t put up before.

Ah. When you’d met earlier, in the employee space…you’d thought he was a ranch hand, a staff member like you. But now…

There go any of his ideas about admittants and ranch hands having relations.

Javier remains still as you bid them goodbye, continuing on your way back to the barns. From the corner of his eye, he watches you with something like regret.

Thank you for reading! 💗🧡

[djservo]

that time of the month again... how did your october reading go? i saw you hit your reading goal! are we increasing it to push or just enjoying the moment? what's on the winter horizon

IMO !! we both hit our goals right? I feel like I cheated bc half of these reads were lil bite-sized afternoon reads but whatevz, october was fun!

High Risk: An Anthology of Forbidden Writings edited by Amy Scholder & Ira Silverberg

I found this buried in the back of a bookshop for like $5 & saw that old copies are selling for like $25+ online?? wild! I lucked out! I loved the variety featured here, poems and prose and short stories and essays, a lil bit of everything for everyone. I've shared this exact sentiment before I'm sure but I really do love these types of anthologies because it exposes me to so many new authors/artists I wouldn't have so easily come across otherwise, and this collection was particularly fruitful. my favorite bit was probably 'Dear Dennis' by Dodie Bellamy, which is from a collection of letters written from the point of view of Mina Harker from Dracula and it's just as fun and zany as it sounds. this particular letter is addressed to Dennis Cooper which makes it even more fun for me hehe here's a particular (NSFW) passage I was super charmed by and keep thinking about

The Complete Eightball 1-18 by Daniel Clowes

ohhhh daniel... with a collection this big there are bound to be some misses + the cynical sarcastic gen X 'everyone's an idiot & society is stupid' voice/punchline got predictable and grating after awhile, but it's still a treat to see the progression of his art and storytelling. Ghost World + Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron were featured in here so it was really nice to reread them bc I already loved them both but this time I was able to appreciate the artistic details and stories even more. especially Ghost World which I read around high school and it left a more superficial "haha bitchy teenage girls me as hellll" impression whereas this time around I was surprised at how emotionally gut-punched I felt at the end. so beautiful and touching

A Season in Hell and the Drunken Boat by Arthur Rimbaud

I was craving some poetry + Dennis Cooper has referenced Rimbaud as an early inspiration so I thought i'd give a try, and I totally see the influence with this sorta meandering self-loathing nature mixed with this sensuous + bursting understanding of life. poetic stream-of-consciousness mumblecore. the beauty's kinda stained for me by racial slurs and general weird racial undertones but what else can I expect from a white french man from the 1800s i guess! the length is short enough (hardly 100 pages) to not have to commit to it very long at least

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

I am sooo shocked at how into this I was + I wonder if this would've been the case if I'd read it in high school under a teacher's direction bc while I've enjoyed books I've been assigned to read and analyze academically in the past, the vibe is so different when you're reading something on your own and processing/interpreting things by yourself, more limitless in a way. and I think because of that freedom to move around and stew in and envision things way I wanted to, I really had fun with this!! I think reading it at my age, so removed from school, also made it more shocking in the sense of realizing these are literal children.....??!?? so crazy silly funny scary to think about... these poor boys who desperately need therapy... also the copy I had included introductions by Lois Lowry and Stephen King which were basically nostalgic odes to literature and the stories that shape us as and the way we interpret the world as young readers and I really had a moment like...wow... books really are so powerful like truly....

The Wolf Plays by Brad Fraser

I cant lie, I picked this up bc I was so entranced by the photoshoot Keanu Reeves and Carl Morotte did for the live performance they starred in hehe. it feels redundant to be like 'this would've worked better on the stage.." when reading a play bc Obviously it was Meant for performance/the stage, but IDK I've read screenplays that were so layered and full of life from dialogue to stage directions that it felt as if I really were witnessing a production of it whereas here, the direction and characters were so sparsely written that it was hard to imagine it being any more fleshed out for the stage. to be fair, Fraser himself admitted in the introduction to Wolfboy (the first/main play out of he two featured in this collection) being rushed and rough around the edges so oh well, I'm just glad to have gotten this out of my system now or else it would've plagued me

Castle Faggot by Derek McCormack

so strange and bewitching. I love how it plays with form in a kinda taunting way. blank boxes where you imagine the picture that's being drawn out n stuff like that. I think I'll need to read it again to flesh out my thoughts but with it fresh on the mind, I'm tickled by its way of weaving anger with absurdity. in the afterword convo between Dennis Cooper + Zac Farley, Dennis recounts a story about Derek where they were hanging out at some mall and Derek spotted Nicholas Brandon (the guy who played Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and without a word Derek made a beeline to Xander and just stood closely right behind him on the escalator staring at him intensely and Dennis was equal parts humiliated and terrified bc he'd never seen this weird dark obsessive side of Derek before + that was basically how he felt about the book as well. thought that was neat and somewhat clarifying LOL

PHEW im pooped. NO i will NOT be increasing my reading goal for these last 2 months, lest I strive farther than my capabilities/motivation yet again!!! I tried a few Fil-Am/Filipino horror fictions in october but none of them really clicked for me and i didn't want to commit to something I felt lukewarm about so I'm planning to read some (non horror) Fil/Fil-Am books this month. I realized in October I read almost every form (poetry, fiction, graphic novel, play) except nonfiction wtf! my bread and butter! so I'll probably look for something stimulating buried in my pdfs somewhere

[queenshelby]

The Au-Pair (Part 15)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Smut, Angst

Words: 4,421

A few months later…

For the past few months, Cillian and you tried to make the most of your time together. Knowing that you had to leave was difficult for you both but, in particular, for Cillian’s sons.

Their mother had given up her rights to see them and, every time Cillian tried to get into contact with her to see where she is at with therapy, she refused to talk to him. Not even leading up to Christmas, she made an effort but, instead, she ignored the fact that she had responsibilities towards these children.

Quite obviously, the boys suffered through this and sought comfort in you instead. You attended school events on behalf of Danielle, causing a few raised eyebrows. But, you didn’t care what people said or secretly thought about you. You did what you did for Cillian and his sons and what you had together couldn’t have been more perfect.

Unfortunately for you and despite the fact that your relationship and dynamics were truly amazing, not everyone was supportive, especially not some of Cillian’s friends.  

You attended two public events with Cillian since the incident Danielle and people were certainly talking about you, including some of Cillian’s mates who accused you of being a gold digger. The fact that Cillian’s ex-girlfriend Laura had spread lies about your relationship certainly didn’t help.

According to her, he had left her for you, a young nanny from overseas and, with that, your relationship had become cliché.

Yet, the truth was that neither of you had ever been happier and, unlike your family who was also rather unsupportive of your relationship with a much older man, Cillian’s family loved you and enjoyed your company.

You got on with his mother like a house on fire and even built up a strong relationship to Cillian’s youngest sister.

This year, you were going to spend Christmas with them and, whilst this meant staying at Cillian’s parents’ house together with some of his other relatives, you were rather excited.

***

The excitement to spend a week in Cork with Cillian’s family however soon vanished when your boyfriend to refused to be intimate with you.

Cillian kept reminding you that the house had thin walls and he felt somewhat uneasy about the fact that his parents were sleeping in the room next to yours. Although it was difficult for him as well, he couldn’t possibly have sex with you while everyone was around.

‘Cills, it has been two days though’ you pouted and, going more than 24 hours without sex was rather unusual for you both.

‘This means that you only have to wait for another five days babe…’ Cillian chuckled before giving you a kiss on the cheek and disappearing into the bathroom to have a shower.

It was the 23rd of December and you knew that Christmas Eve was going to be a big day considering that Cillian’s family was catholic.

With that in mind, you played with the thought of going to bed and wait for Cillian there, ready to go to sleep early and start fresh the following day. But then, you remembered the lovely red lace set of lingerie you had bought in Dublin the week before and put that on instead before covering yourself with your cotton robe and returning to the living room. You were determined to get what you need from the man you loved and, luckily for you, about ten minutes later everyone but you had gone to bed and Cillian emerged from the shower with a towel wrapped around him.

‘Where is everyone?’ he asked somewhat confused as his brother and sister had disappeared.

‘Everyone has gone to bed’ you said before giving him a cheeky a smile. ‘And I have a little surprise for you’ you then winked while you grabbed his large hand in yours before pulling him towards the bedroom.  

‘A surprise? But it isn’t even Christmas yet…’ Cillian chuckled as you pointed to have him sit on the bed and he willingly complied.

Once he sat down, you walked over to the dresser on the other side of the room. With your hands on the robe, you gave him a wink and tossed it off, revealing your sexy lingerie outfit.

‘Jesus Y/N, I told you that we cannot possibly…’ Cillian stammered as you gave him a sultry look and interrupted him.

‘I know that this is your parents’ house but I have needs too Cills and, right now, I need you to fuck me’ you explained and Cillian quickly told you to lower your voice.

Regardless of this, you weren’t really surprised when you saw his cock hardening underneath the towel and, by this point, you knew that he would give in to you.

As you saw his reaction to your outfit, you had an intense desire to put on a little show for him. You just loved to tease him and all you could hope for was that no one would come barging into this room.

‘How can I possibly resist you when you look like this?’ Cillian eventually asked as your hands slowly and seductively travelled down the twin strips of lace on your bra and softly squeezed your firm breasts underneath.

‘You are so fucking sexy’ Cillian whispered and you could feel your nipples harden and press against the lacey material.

‘It’s all for you Cills’ you responded and couldn't resist pinching your nipples.

Cillian gasped while watching you. Playing with yourself in front of him made your body feel extra sensitive and you already felt your pussy become wet in anticipation.

‘Stroke your cock for me. I want to watch you’ you said quietly as you opened your eyes and, without any arguing, Cillian pushed the towel aside and took his length into his hand.

He watched you with wide open eyes as he began to stroke his cock while you trailed your fingers down your bare sides before they both brushed against your pussy over the lace material.

‘When I am away, this is what we can do’ you said as your hands lowered to touch the soft and sensitive skin in between your thighs and eventually rested them on your hips.

‘Damn, I think we need to do this every day when you are gone. You do things to me Y/N. You drive me fucking crazy’ Cillian whispered as he softly stroked the length of his cock with his hand while his eyes seemed to be on fire as they looked intently at you. You couldn't help but smile even more at the impact you had on him.

‘Deal’ you said as, with your hands still on your hips, you slowly turned around.

‘Keep watching me Cills’ you then said as your hands moved from your hips to your practically bare ass as they tightly squeezed your butt. You made sure to flex your ass muscles to show it off and then lightly slapped your ass with small gasps that came from your mouth. You then raised your arms and hands to your head while you squatted down and slowly raised yourself back up.

When you finally turned your head to see Cillian’s reaction, you saw that he was now lying down on the length of the bed with his hard cock still being slightly pumped with his hand. God his naked body looked incredible.

While your gaze was fixed on him, you saw his arm muscles flex tauntingly every single time he stroked that beautiful cock of his.

You thought that he would rush over and grab you given how turned on he was. As you looked intently into those lustful eyes, you realized what he actually wanted. He wanted you to come to him. To fall down in front of him on your knees and finish what he had started with his hand.

‘Enjoying the show?’ you smirked as you approached him slowly.

‘Very much so’ Cillian groaned in response and, after a few steps, you dropped down to your knees and crawled the rest of the way.

You knew that some girls would find this demeaning and disempowering, but you didn't feel that way. You felt fully sexually liberated because of Cillian. You knew you could be whatever and do whatever with him without any sort of judgement. The love you had for each other was unreal and that, no doubt, translated into the bedroom.

Your eyes were glued to his cock and, when you finally got to the bed and you haltingly reached out your hands to grab it, you gripped both your hands around the thick shaft. you softly pumped your hands up and down a few times before you leaned your face in and swallowed his cock in your hot and wet mouth, eliciting a little too loud groan from him.

In the beginning, you would have had a slightly difficult time fitting Cillian’s entire length in to your mouth. Either that, or your jaw would hurt rather quickly. But by now, your mouth seemed to be well adjusted to fitting his cock into your hungry mouth.

It wasn't long before you felt Cillian’s cock hit the back of your throat and you did your best to suppress gagging immediately. You felt like you were able to get it a little deeper in each time before you lifted your mouth off his cock and breathed some much-needed air.

The top of his cock was now glistened wet from your saliva and you made sure to spread it all over his length. Then, just when you were about to deep throat him again, you saw one of his arms reach over and wrap around your waist. Suddenly your body was lifted in the air like a piece of paper and you were placed directly on top of him.

‘I want to taste you while you suck my cock’ Cillian said as your knees were on either side of his head with your wet pussy directly over his face, in a sixty-nine position.

‘Oh god, Cillian’ you moaned as you felt your lace covered breasts scrape against his abs and you cooed in response to being effortlessly placed into this new position.

With one of your hands still on his cock, you started to slowly pump it as you glanced behind you and saw Cillian place his hands on your ass. God his hot touch felt incredible on your bare skin.

His hands seemed excited to explore your body. After squeezing your ass, they slowly brushed down the silky-smooth skin of your thighs and his touch electrified your body. You swore that his hands were magical to cause your skin to become super sensitive.

They eventually brushed back up as they reached forwards to your sides and eventually reached your barely contained breasts. Just like with your ass, he squeezed firmly, and caused your hard nipples to press against the lace material of the lingerie. Your coos from earlier turned into soft moans and gasps as your hand reflexively squeezed his cock shaft tightly.

Shortly after, his hands left your breasts and returned to your toned ass. He firmly grabbed it and spread your cheeks apart, fully exposing your pussy and causing the g-string to slide in between your pussy lips. You soon felt a single finger rub your pussy over the g-string and you closed your eyes and moaned from the sensation. you felt him pull the material out of your pussy lips and stretched it over your round ass which completely exposed your bald and wet pussy. His finger returned and it immediately found its way into your small hole and you gasped in response.

‘So wet for me already’ Cillian groaned softly as you let out a loud moan and, with that, he pulled you down onto his waiting and hot mouth.

You opened your eyes and saw his cock pointing straight at your face while his tongue circled over your wet mound.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned at the sensation and, in order to quieten your own moans, you immediately moved your mouth forward and licked the entire length of his cock while his tongue explored you.

As he licked your wet and juicy pussy, you could feel and hear him groan against it, causing waves of pleasure run down your spine. Eventually, however, Cillian replaced his tongue with one of his fingers, seeking out your g-spot.

‘Oh’ you gasped loudly around his cock as, soon, you felt a second finger enter you and they dove as deeply into your pussy as they could. Soft moans continued to escape from your mouth as it worked back up towards his cock head where it popped out of your mouth.

Cillian now pumped his fingers in and out of you slowly and steadily. Every time they entered, he drove them forcibly into you as far as they would go. You couldn't stop moaning, but you wanted his cock back in your mouth. After you took a shuddering deep breath, you lowered your mouth on his cock and sucked his cock head with as much force as you could.

You felt his fingers leave your pussy and his hands grabbed your ass again but this time they pulled your cheeks apart and opened your pussy wider. His fingers rubbed the outside of your pussy again, but then they trailed up and you soon felt one of his fingers press against your asshole and slipped inside. With his thick cock buried in your mouth, you could only open your eyes widely at this new sensation. At first, you didn't know what to feel. you never had anything enter your ass before and to be honest, anal was something you never thought about.

Thankfully his finger was coated with your pussy juices, so it seemed to enter without much force or friction. you eventually felt it moving around inside you and your whole body seemed to shut down and focus on this new sensation. Was it pain? Pleasure? you had a hard time processing, but you knew that you didn't want him to stop.

While your mind tried to adjust, you felt another hand rub against your pussy and a couple of new fingers entered inside your hot folds. Your body shook in response as both of your holes were now filled. Your mouth left his cock as you gasped and moaned loudly as his fingers got to work. you felt every tiny movement, thrust, and curling of his fingers and it felt like bombs exploded inside your head. You felt your eyes roll into the back of your head as your lower body continued to tremble from the pleasure.

Suddenly his fingers left and you felt weirdly empty. But then you felt his hot mouth come in contact with your pussy again as his tongue licked the outer folds of your slit and your pussy juices eagerly filled his mouth.

While his tongue explored inside of you, you redoubled your efforts on sucking his cock. You lowered your head until as much of his cock was in your mouth as possible without choking, before you raised it back up and bobbed your mouth up and down his cock. One of your free hands pumped his cock shaft right at the base to make sure that no part of his cock was neglected.

There were so many intense sensations from his tongue and from his cock that your mind almost didn't know what to focus on. Your legs and pelvis area spasmed periodically from the pleasure of his tongue while his hot rod felt incredible in your mouth. Your body kept responding in so many different ways, that you knew it wouldn't be long before you came on his face.

Then, you felt Cillian try something new where his tongue started moving around wildly inside your pussy while his slick finger returned to the much smaller hole it had explored earlier.

The pleasure that rolled through you caused your entire body to tense up as your mouth left his cock to give a guttural moan.

‘Holy shit, Cillian…fuck’ you moaned as you outstretched your arms on either side of Cillian on the bed and you arched your back up in sheer bliss. Your guttural moans almost turned into screams as your entire body began to shake and you came hard.

You felt your juices flow out in a torrent as your pussy clenched and convulsed around his tongue while Cillian’s finger was still buried inside your ass, thrusting in and out of it gently.

The upper part of your body finally collapsed from the pleasure and your face rested on the bed. You absentmindedly moved one of your hands to your breasts where it pinched one of your nipples through the lace material.

‘I am glad my mother doesn’t wear her hearing aids to bed’ Cillian chuckled and you were somewhat embarrassed about having been so loud.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t control myself’ you giggled after your orgasm started to subside and your breathing started to return to some sort of normalcy.

‘You never can’ Cillian pointed out with a smirk and it soon became evident to him that you had an intense desire for more.

‘Very true…I want my pussy stretched by your cock now’ you announced.

‘Then take what you need from me babe’ Cillian gasped and, with your body still on top of his, you lifted your head and carefully crawled forward towards his feet. Your pussy was still dripping wet and you felt it leave a trail of juice down his torso.

‘So, fucking sexy. Did you put your…?’ Cillian began to asked and, before he could finish his sentence, you answered.

‘Yes, I put it in earlier. You can fill me up with your cum’ you winked as, eventually, you turned around to face him and your pussy reached his still rock-hard cock. You rubbed your pussy up and down its length while you whimpered in pleasure on all fours.

‘Good, because I will probably struggle to contain my excitement. After all, it has been two days since we last had sex’ Cillian winked but you knew that he had incredible stamina and self-control. As usual, he was teasing you, knowing how much you enjoyed the thought and feel of him cumming inside of you.

‘Hmm, there is going to be a so much cum then’ you whispered as you reached a hand behind you and grabbed his cock in your hand.

‘Probably, yes’ Cillian groaned as you pointed the head straight towards your eagerly awaiting and hot pussy.

Slowly and carefully, you lowered your pelvis until his cock slipped into your incredibly wet folds. You were only able to get his cock head in at first and you gasped in pleasure as you felt it split you open.

‘God you are so tight’ Cillian moaned after you let your pussy adjust to his cock head for a brief moment, you continued to press your pussy down his thick shaft.

You eventually removed your hand from gripping his cock and supported your upper body as your body started to become weak from the pleasure. You lifted your head up and let a low moan escape your mouth while you felt inch after inch enter inside you.

‘Your cock feels amazing’ you gasped as, eventually, your pelvises finally touched and you felt your pussy quiver slightly. Just one thrust down his entire length and you already had a small orgasm. God, you must have missed his cock more than you thought in those two days and you had no idea how you would go with not feeling him inside you for months and months on end when you have to return to Mexico.

Now that you were fully impaled, you started to gyrate your hips in a circle. You made sure to grind your pussy lips on the base of his cock and squeezed your pussy walls as hard as you could too. You moaned loudly while you felt his cock move around inside you and, whilst taking charge felt incredible, what you really wanted was to be fucked.

Cillian was quick to realise what you wanted and started to thrust upwards at the same time you thrusted onto him. Your mouth was constantly open as a variety of different moans and gasps escaped your mouth.

Once you felt like you built up a good rhythm and felt like your pussy was properly stretched out, you lowered your face and upper body towards, exchanging some passionate kisses in between.

‘That’s it babe, keep fucking me like this’ Cillian groaned when you started to focus entirely on your hips while you started to increase your speed, slamming your pussy down on his cock.

His hands soon reached for your hips as he held onto you firmly, impaling your body on his cock with even more force. With that, your body felt like it was being driven over a cliff. You were ready to jump off with arms wide open at this point.

‘Rub your clit for me’ Cillian then instructed and you were quick to comply with his request.

You moved one of your hands down from your upper body as it snaked down your lingerie outfit, and your fingers reached your clit. Immediately your fingers went to work and furiously rubbed your clit in small circles which is when you started to practically scream in pleasure. Your clit was unbelievably sensitive and your body immediately started to react. The cliff was here and you were already diving off of it.

‘Oh god Cillian, I am going cum. I am going to cum on your cock. It feels so fucking good, so good...’ you mumbled out in between your moans while Cillian quickly covered your mouth with the palm of his hand.

Your body started to tense up as your orgasm readied itself to be unleashed. You let out a guttural moan as your entire body started to shake. Your hips finally stopped moving with just his cock head inside you and you felt your pussy walls clench and spasm all around it, trying to milk his seed. Apparently, your pussy was incredibly persuasive, as you heard Cillian moan and felt a hot blast of cum erupt from his cock within no time. It felt so warm and so sensual when he filled you with his seed.

Soon, his cock popped out of your now cum filled hole. A loud moan escaped your lips and you suddenly felt very empty again. That feeling was almost immediately overshadowed by his hot cum landing on his skin as you lifted yourself of him.

Your body still quivered slightly from the intense orgasm that you just had and your mind lost all rhyme or reason. Being drowned in his cum made you feel like you could orgasm again from just that sensation alone.

Your breath was deep and haggard and you tried to regain your composure while looking down at the area just above Cillian’s cock, now covered with splodges of cum.

‘Time for me to clean up the mess I made’ you winked as, in front of you was his still semi-hard cock, drenched in your pussy juices as well as some of his cum.

‘Go on then’ Cillian said as he pulled your head towards it and you eagerly opened your mouth to devour him. You loved both the taste of his cum and your own pussy juices. To taste them at the same time was incredible. Your tongue swirled across every bit and crevice of his cock head and you sucked mightily.

‘That’s it, babe. Get it all’ Cillian groaned with that same deep voice from before.

His words made you moan softly and, before long, you licked clean every inch of his perfect cock and the area just above it.

You released it from your mouth with an audible pop and you looked up and smiled at him. He told you that he would be right back and as he walked away, your eyes were glued to his still impressive cock that bounced between his legs. When he came back, he had a bunch of paper towels and you couldn't help but giggle slightly.

‘My mother has a habit of making the beds every morning’ Cillian pointed out, causing you to laugh.

‘I suppose we better wipe the spillage off the sheets then huh?’ you chuckled and Cillian nodded.

***

The following morning, you were indeed grateful for having cleaned up after yourselves as Cillian’s mother went through every room to make the beds.

Luckily for her and Cillian, you already made the bed satisfactorily to her standards, covering the stains you quite evidentially left behind.

Breakfast was served early, at around 8 o’clock every morning and you most certainly didn’t manage to have a shower beforehand. Taking in a turn in one of the two bathrooms was a challenge as Cillian’s brother and his family was staying with his parents as well and, whilst Cillian no longer had a need for extended showers, the same didn’t seem to apply to his brother who was taking up the bathroom for 30 minutes at a time.

When it finally was your turn, you usually managed to be in and out of the bathroom within ten minutes, but not this morning. This morning you took much longer and when you didn’t appear back in the living room after more than twenty minutes, Cillian went to check on you.

‘Are you okay babe?’ Cillian asked after he knocked on the door and walking inside.

‘Jesus Cillian, please give me some privacy’ you said, quickly pushing against the door to prevent him from coming inside.

‘Uhm, okay…what’s the matter?’ he asked somewhat confused from outside the door.

‘Nothing, just…women’s business…’ you gasped with a strain in your voice and Cillian could tell that you were somewhat upset and possibly in pain.

‘Please just go, okay?’ you then said and, shortly after Cillian responded with a short ‘okay’, his sister knocked on the door, seeing whether she could help you with anything.

***

After poking your head through the door, you quickly waved her inside.

You had your towel wrapped around you and looked rather uncomfortable, leaning against the sink.

Your face was flushed and your eyes teary.

‘I might need to go to the hospital or something’ you gasped.

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[elysianheresy2]

can.. i hear about your ocs?

🥺 Of course you can! Thank you for asking <3 I want to hear about yours too though 👉🏼👈🏼 (if you're ok with sharing!)

So... I have many, many ocs, especially in pm so I can't talk about all of them and I'll just pick my favorites for now!

This is Lyvia (They/She), a color fixer oc! They grew up in the outskirts and a lot of people close to them died to several dangers there... And she decided to become better than those who were supposed to protect them but miserably failed. This took a while, but eventually she had success and the title of the rose quartz was given to her. Their weapon of choice is the specially modified umbrella they carry around, it's able to block powerful attacks and it's generally a very good defense! I won't describe the relationships they had with my friends' ocs, however, since this is one of my favorite ocs, of course they get paired with a canon character I find comfort in and this can't be left unsaid because it's important to know what happens next!

She met Daniel who carelessly ended up in danger, she happened to be doing a mission around that area and luckily was there to help him. I'm very shy about the oc x canon ships so I'm not describing very well but!! Eventually they end up together yeah! They keep working as a color to make the world a place where someone like him could live on, and he obviously joins the lab in the outskirts as the Canon story tells us... And the head raid happens so you know, he dies while Lyvia wasn't there to save him this time. And as soon as the news arrived to her she rushed to the remnants of the lab just to be welcomed by the head and the claws patrolling the area. A fight was unavoidable and she was able to kill a few claws but well, one of those was the gf of an arbiter and the arbiter wasn't very happy about that sooo

The lab of the outskirts ended up being the resting place of the rose quartz! And that's why I have like three aus where they're actually alive

This is the arbiter I mentioned above! She's Nara (She/Her) and she's a menace to society but at least she looks good while committing atrocities ahem anyways

She was adopted from the backstreets by a family that was already settled as members of the head, so she literally grew up with their ideologies taught to her and also the necessity to repay her family for the fact they saved her from certain death most likely... And thus she did her best to reach the top and make them proud... And she did reach the top! But her parents were too focused on praising the accomplishments of her sibling who was their biological child... So she always feels like whatever she does isn't enough, she needs therapy I think... Despite this, she deeply cares about her sibling...

This is her sibling, Jess! (Any pronoun) He didn't become an arbiter, however he became a beholder of the eye and quietly enjoyed the position, he thought what he did was just and fair and that his hands weren't dirty with blood. However, this changed when, while observing the new L Corp he committed a mistake and was kinda... Kidnapped? Smh she ends up being turned into an agent and he obviously isn't able to escape because you know... L corp things. They were assigned to the extraction department obviously under Binah and there they kinda... Almost died many times if the captain didn't help them. I'll avoid details once again, but during his time in the corp he had a character development and turned into a girlboss that's dealing with his sense of guilt for all his past mistakes.

... Obviously they're a Welfare Sephirah liker because I'm predictable and a simp

I'll stop here now because I'm afraid it's a lot already!! Thank you so much for asking! 💙

[jerzwriter]

When the Bough Breaks - Part 2

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Casey MacTavish)

Series: Part 2

Rating: Teen +

Summary: Casey traded one dream for another when she accepted Ethan’s proposal. Even within their magical life, there were still times she mourned the loss of the child she’d never have. When Ethan learns he unknowingly fathered a child with a former lover, how will she cope? Will their marriage survive?

Category: Angst

Warnings: Decisions to have children, long-lost children, language

A/N: Thank you for reading part 2 of this journey. It's still a WIP, but I expect it to be 4 parts, I don't want to torture us too long. ⁠💕⁠

Thank you for your lovely feedback on part 1, I truly hope you enjoy this segment.

Big thank you to Bex-la-Get and kachrisberry for pre-reading this :) You are the best!

When the Bough Breaks Part 1

Original Anon Prompt

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

Casey cleared the dining room table, desperately wishing she could turn the clock back to earlier in the day before her world turned upside down. She stacked Emma’s still unwrapped gifts in the corner. Choosing to adorn her presents with yellow or purple ribbons didn’t seem to take on the importance that it did just 8 hours ago.

Ethan walked in with two cups of coffee and placed one before Casey. The silence in the room was overwhelming. After a ride home without a single word spoken, he could not take another moment.

“Casey, just tell me what you’re thinking, right now, at this very second.”

“Right now? Approximately how many hours of therapy it will take to get through this. I’m starting to think we may want to just keep a psychologist on retainer.”

Ethan half chuckled, “That might not be a bad idea. It’s good to see that your defense mechanism of utilizing sarcastic wit hasn’t been obliterated by these events.”

“Yeah, well, if you should ever see that go, it will be a definitive signal that the end is near. Of course, we find ourselves in a rather rare situation right now. The two of us at a loss for words isn’t all that common. Especially when there is so much that needs to be said.”

“Well, shock and emotional exhaustion will do that to a person.”

He made a pale attempt to produce a slight smile; Casey tried to reciprocate, but her effort could be deemed an even greater failure.

“Well, since I am woefully unprepared to deal with the emotional fallout of today’s events, perhaps we should start with the practical and take it from there. You mentioned there would be a paternity test?”

“Yes. I put a call into a friend at Yale/New Haven. I would prefer to have the test conducted in a hospital setting. The location is near Amanda’s home, and it is far enough from ours. We’d be able to have the test expedited so we could have the results the same day. I thought this would be the best choice. Do you agree?”

Casey stared blankly into her coffee. “Whatever you feel most comfortable with. So, tell me about your conversation with Amanda. I didn’t really stick around for specifics earlier.”

“I can’t say I blame you.”

“That’s irrelevant…it has to be dealt with. While I don’t agree with her reasons for not telling you when she found out she was pregnant, I do understand them, but what changed? What made her decide to tell you now?”

“Well, she’s been raising him….”

“Wait, who is he?”

Ethan looked at her, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“He has a name, I assume. He is a real child, most likely your s…” she paused when her voice cracked. Clearing her throat, she continued, “your child… I’d prefer to refer to him as more than the generic “him.”

“His name is Daniel. Daniel Sawyer Pierce.”

“That’s a nice name,” Casey said softly, biting her lip.

“She named him Daniel after her father, and Sawy….”

“And Sawyer?”

“Because it was the name of the coffee shop where she and I met.”

Casey closed her eyes and swallowed. “I see.”

“I’m sorry….”

“Don’t be,” she said blankly, “continue.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Casey.”

“Ethan, that ship has already sailed. Continue.”

“Amanda’s parents helped raise Daniel from the time he was born. He was particularly close with her dad, who was the father figure in his life. Six months ago, he left home to pick Daniel up from kindergarten, he was killed in a car accident on his way."

“Oh, how awful!”

“Yes. Daniel has taken it very hard; he’s had depression and began having anxiety attacks ever since. He’s in therapy, and, well, this is the first time he has asked about… well…anyway. Amanda said losing her own father and watching her son suffer made her realize that she was wrong to have kept this from me, and that’s what brought us here.”

“Poor Daniel. That is a lot for a little boy to shoulder.”

Ethan lowered his eyes and remained silent.

“As I said earlier,” Casey said with a sad smirk, “we’d be wise to keep a therapist on retainer.”

She pushed her chair back and walked over to the window seat overlooking Commonwealth Avenue.

“This won’t be easy, you know.”

“What won’t?”

“Any of it. Sharing DNA alone does not a parent make. As much as he needs … you … you can’t just replace what he’s lost. Plus, do you even know what Amanda has told him about you? Confusion is guaranteed, resentment is possible… it won’t necessarily be an easy transition.”

“All true, but….”

“But?”

“But that’s assuming that I… that we… elect to have a relationship at all.”

Casey’s head flung in his direction, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I haven’t had time to think about this, much less discuss it with you. Frankly, I don’t know what role I should take in….”

“Are you freaking kidding me? Ethan, if this child is in fact… your son … don’t you want to be a part of his life?”

Ethan stalled, struggling for the right words to say.

“You have to understand… in the past… there were definitive reasons why I never wanted children, Casey, and they… even if I had wanted a child, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted it to be in this way….”

“Well, I’m sure Daniel really would have preferred to come into the world under different circumstances as well! But he didn’t get much of a say now, did he?”

Casey was trembling, horrified by Ethan’s aloof reaction, and shocked at the intensity of her own visceral need to protect this little boy.

“I’m not saying I won’t, but there is much to consider. Not the least of which is you. Casey, don’t think I am not painfully aware of what I have asked you to give up. I know what a difficult choice that was to make and, you have to understand, you are a priority to me and if this is too much for you… then…”

“Ethan, uuughhh” she was flabbergasted. “I appreciate you thinking about me in this, but my God! If this is your son, your own flesh and blood, you would just be like … well, it makes my wife uncomfortable so have a nice life without me? Ethan, for real?”

His silence inflamed Casey’s already unstable emotions.

“My God!! You know I always doubted but… perhaps you were right all along. Maybe it’s for the best that we never had a child.”

“Casey! How could you say that? That’s not fair! It would have been completely different if it were you and me. I love you; we love each other. It would have been an entirely different situation.”

Her body clenched and her eyes darkened. If it would have been so goddamn different, why did I have to take an oath to remain childless in order to marry him?

“Yeah, I’m sure it would have been dream-worthy. You know what, let’s stick to the situation at hand and not entertain the would-be fairy tales or nightmares about our own what-ifs.”

“Casey!”

“Casey, nothing. For all intents and purposes, it appears that you have a very real, very living child who needs you whether you can see that or not, and, right now, that’s all that matters. Daniel wasn’t responsible for bringing himself into this world, you know!”

Her mind raced as silence once again overtook the room. It was all too much for her. She wanted nothing more than to be a supportive partner, to be an adult voice. She wanted to do and say the right thing, but what was the right thing? How could she possibly meet her husband’s needs, her own beliefs, and honor her own grief in this as well? It seemed an impossible task.

“Well, what if I do? What if I take an active role? Are you… are you willing to share in that with me?”

She felt her blood rushing, she could see her skin turning red, yet she was shivering from the cold simultaneously. It was a logical question, right? She was his wife. It was a fair question. But how fucking dare he! Nothing made sense right now. The emotional roller coaster that Casey boarded this afternoon had not stopped jolting her from one direction to the next, and the bruises were beginning to show. One thought contradicted the next before it even escaped her mind. Were there even any correct answers? For a physician who was used to having tight control over her emotions, Casey was freefalling, and she felt like she was going mad.

“You can’t ask me that!” she shot back instantly. “You can’t ask me that right now! Do you know how that makes me feel?”

She stood up and rushed away as if being near Ethan caused her pain. Her chest clenched, her body trembled, and the heavy tears in her eyes could no longer cling to her lids. She didn’t want to become hysterical, but she was beginning to lose control.

“I know if I say I can’t, then I’m automatically a horrible person….”

“Casey, no one would say….”

“I WOULD!” she screamed. “I would, Ethan. I would think I’m a horrible person. Because I’m your wife, and this is a marriage, we are supposed to share everything together. And he… he’s an innocent child… it’s not his fault that… it’s not his fault that he… that he would represent everything I ever dreamed of having with you, but he is not mine. That he’d be a constant reminder that you have the one thing I wanted to share with you more than anything, with another woman. That Amanda, someone you barely know, will forever have a part of you that you denied me! And now my only options are accepting it or, or….”

“Or what, Casey? Or what?”

“I don’t… I don’t know, Ethan! This would have been difficult enough under normal circumstances, in a normal marriage, but what’s normal about ours? I had to determine if I was willing to sign off on one dream for another before I even accepted your proposal. We needed the assistance of a therapist before we could set a date for our freaking wedding and look at where it brought us. I just, I just can’t do this tonight. It’s too much. I’m smart enough to know that this is not something I can handle on my own. We are going to need help to get through this and … I don’t want to say or do anything that will make things worse.”

She walked over to Ethan and took his hands in hers, but never raising her eyes from the floor.

“Ethan. I know this is hell on both of us, for different reasons, in different ways. I promised to always be here for you, I want to be your peaceful space in this world, and it’s killing me that I can’t be that to you right now, but this is just, it’s almost too much. I’m exhausted. I want to try to get some sleep, maybe start fresh tomorrow. Is that OK?”

Ethan leaned over, placing his head on top of hers, he gently kissed her as he ran his fingers through her blonde locks.

“Yes. It’s OK. It has been a very difficult day. Why don’t you go lay down? I’ll stay in the guest room tonight to give you some space.”

Hearing those words struck Casey, sending her jolting back from his embrace. He could see the look of horror on her face.

“Ethan, no!” she cried, pulling him back into a tight embrace, “God, no. I need you to stay by me. I’m so sorry, I know I’m all over the place, I don’t mean to…” her words trailed as sobs overtook her.

“Casey, it’s OK. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said while caressing her back.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you. My God, Ethan, I need you. We need each other. I just, I just don’t know how to do this,” she half-smiled, “I guess it’s fair to say we’ve never dealt with anything like this before.”

Ethan chuckled sadly, “Yeah, that’s fair.”

She took his hand and led him to the sofa. “Ethan, this is such a difficult situation, but please, even when I’m bouncing all over the place, please remember how much I love you. I don’t want us to lose sight of the love we share. We need to hold onto that if we’re going to make it through this.”

Ethan let out a shuddering breath as he pulled Casey into an unyielding embrace. In the six years since she had walked into his life, Ethan had lost track of how many times he believed he could not possibly love her more than he did at that moment, but right now, he knew this one outshone every other that came before.

“Casey, you are my world. I cannot begin to tell you what you and what your love means to me.”

He pulled back and gazed into her eyes, caressing his cheek with his hand, “I promise you; I will do whatever it takes for us to see this through. Casey, I have been so afraid of so many things since this afternoon. But, but the greatest of all was that I might have to watch you walk out of my life. That is the one thing I don't think I could survive.”

“Ethan. I know this isn’t going to be easy. But I'm here for the long haul. I am so terribly frightened right now.”

“As am I, my love. As am I. Casey, for tonight, please… can we just fall asleep together in each other’s arms. No more words. A million things are waiting for us, but we can deal with that world tomorrow. Tonight, let’s just… be… can we do that?”

Casey gazed up at him through tear-stained eyes that were filled with pain but also radiated such genuine love.

“Yes, please,” she said tenderly before reaching up to kiss his cheek. “I love you, Ethan.”

“And I love you,” he said as he let out a sob he did not realize he had been holding.

Once again, they found in each other the calm in the center of a tumultuous storm. They collapsed into each other’s warm embrace, each fantasizing about a world where they could forever remain in this state of reverie, just the two of them where the noise of the world could not touch them. Of course, they knew that the tempest swirling outside would not remain silent. It would be waiting for them in the morning, and charting these unknown waters would require a level of love and understanding unlike anything they had experienced before. But as they drifted into sleep, they found respite in each other's arms. The journey ahead would be treacherous, but they knew that their love would give them the fortitude they needed to move forward together.

____________________

The following morning, Casey woke to an intoxicating aroma. Is he making??? She put on her robe and made her way downstairs to the kitchen.

“Ethan! You didn’t.”

Startled by her voice, he looked up from the Nutella French toast he was preparing and met Casey’s loving gaze. If the gesture alone didn’t warm her heart, the look of adoration radiating from his eyes most certainly did.

“You made my favorite!” she beamed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You deserve this and a million times more,” he placed the spatula on a holder and turned around to take her in his arms, “Promise me, if a day should ever pass where I make you believe that I am anything short of the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side, that you will do whatever you need to in order to correct me.”

She smiled, “Well, fortunately, I haven’t encountered that yet, but what exactly should I do if the situation arises? Side with Tobias every time there is a disagreement on the team? Encourage Naveen to tease you about hiding me for three years, even though he knew it all along? I mean, I would say hold out on you, but there is no way I’m torturing myself like that so, that’s a no.”

“Well, all of those sound absolutely hellish and would likely straighten me out fast, but I agree, please, don’t ever do the third. I might die.”

“You wouldn’t die,” she laughed.

He leaned over and kissed her nose. “I always love your smile, but it's even more beautiful today. I just, I didn’t expect to see it again so soon.”

She hugged him, “I could say the same about yours. I think there is a lesson in this.”

“Do you think we’ll learn from it?”

“Chances are 50/50,” she grinned.

“Go sit down,” he laughed, “I’ll bring breakfast into you.”

When they went to bed last night, they knew they were deliberately putting off the very real issues that would be waiting in the morning. Now that morning was here, it was evident that neither wanted to be the first to break the blissful bubble they created. At times, it almost felt as if it had all been a bad dream, but there was no way to evade things forever.

Ethan’s phone rang.

“Let me take this,” he said, stepping away.

Casey diverted her eyes and sat quietly before she rose to clear the table, sad that the reprieve was over but also happy to end the procrastination. Ethan entered the kitchen and took her hand.

“I got the call from Yale/New Haven. The test is scheduled for tomorrow. I thought we could drive down today, stay overnight so we can be there first thing in the morning. We would be able to concentrate much anyway. I spoke with Tobias and told him we had an emergency; he and Harper can cover our cases. What do you say?”

She nodded quietly. “Why don’t you arrange for us to get a room? I’ll go throw some things in a bag for us.”

“What aren’t you saying, Casey?”

She smiled, “You know me too well. I’m just thinking, I’m glad we called for a reprieve last night. We desperately needed it. But it's today and we have so much to face… I guess I’m still petrified, that’s all.”

“So am I,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

“I know. It’s just, it’s not going to be easy,” she whispered.

“Nothing worthwhile ever is, my love. But we have no choice. We have to face it, all of it. But we’ll figure it out together. OK?”

“OK,” she smiled while biting back tears.

Casey was not a religious person, but she found herself praying for the strength she needed. She wanted to have the resilience necessary to sustain and see this thorough; she even believed she did. But, deep down inside, she knew there were no guarantees, and it terrified her.

When she would look back on this day, she would remember it in slow motion. Going upstairs to pack their bags, walking beside Ethan as he carried them to the car, taking his hand as he sat beside her in the driver’s seat, every action bringing them a step closer to an uncertain future.

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[ah-ga-seven]

Till The End of Summer - Chapter 14 (The Finale)

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 12,3K

Idol Cameos: NCT Johnny, ITZY Ryujin, ATEEZ Wooyoung, Stray Kids Hyunjin, Enhyphen Sunghoon, Heesung and Jay.

Genre:  Fluff, SMUT, angst if you squint.

Warnings: explicit mature content, I put a bolded warning sign at the start and end of it so you can skip through if you want.

Month 1.

Yeonjun went back home to save the reputation of Choi Enterprises by dealing with Lita’s attempt to overthrow him and his mother.  

Apparently, she did a lot more than the things she was locked up for initially. 

Lita and her husband bribed members of the board, making promises they obviously couldn’t keep. “When we have the company, the world is yours” but those days never came. and the board members that were bribed were fired effective immediately.

Each and every one of them got disposed of, with their assets included like they were last weeks’ trash. And if that wasn’t enough, Lita’s unjustified psychosis stemmed from the fact that she used to sleep with Yeonjun’s father. Lita felt like she was entitled to the Choi’s fortunes because according to her; the only woman Daniel Choi ever loved, was her.  

The revelation had Yeonjun sick to his stomach as he sat next to his mother in court. Lita looked at him with pleading eyes, claiming to really love him as her own son before the judge announced her 15-year prison sentence for fraud, spying, embezzlement, and attempted murder.

Somehow Yeonjun felt nothing as he looked at her. He really didn’t. If anything, he was glad to close this chapter of his life for good, and look ahead of the road to recovering his soul.

You, on the other hand, were completely overwhelmed with your new surroundings. You threw yourself into your work to forget about your heartache and didn’t dare to talk to Yeonjun in case it’d open up your wounds again. It would cause for you to lose focus, and you simply couldn’t afford that distraction right now.

Month 2

The first month passed without any contact between the two of you, but that changed when you wished him a happy birthday. His heart thumped in his chest on his way to his 6th therapy session as he looked at your message. 

He was even more surprised to see that you sent him a cute card with a Polaroid picture of the two of you; all happy and smiley in the park.  

It was reassuring to him that you were still thinking of him, and that you hadn’t completely forgotten about him or moved on so easily, because lord knows he hadn’t.

When you asked him about Lita’s trial a few days after his birthday, you two started to slowly talk again from time to time. You’d check up on each other and made small talk, but it was nothing like it used to be.  

There was no depth, and the core of your conversations always had to do with how both of your studies were going, if you were taking care of yourselves or if you’ve had dinner already.  

You both figured it was for the better this way, otherwise your break up would have been for nothing if you didn’t use this time apart from each other to heal, especially since you promised to be better individually so you could be even better together.

If that was still what both of you wanted upon your return of course.

He missed you so much, and he was finding it incredibly hard not to check your socials at least once a day, especially when he realized how male-dominated your studies were at Brown.

Your Instagram feed and stories indicated that you were having the time of your life when you could. You were happy despite the crazy hours you spent in a lab with your research team. A team that quickly became your new group of friends at the University.  

There were 2 other guys and one other girl in your team. The girl’s name was Giselle, you seemed to be the closest to her out of all of them. One of the guys was named Chanhee who was quite obviously gay, therefore not a threat. But the second guy, Hwang Hyunjin… let's just say that Yeonjun wasn't a fan.

Month 3

Your almost daily texts and calls with your friends back home started to shift to communication on a weekly basis.  

It was hard to keep up with your friends back home while having to entertain a new friend group here, all while you spent hours upon hours in the lab, working on a possible treatment for neurological disorders.  

You knew that whatever you were getting yourself into with this exchange was going to be hard, but you didn’t imagine it to be this hard and frankly, you were feeling incredibly homesick by now.

You missed Soobin, the boys, Mia…Yeonjun. And one time when you came home at 10 PM after a long day that started at 8 AM; you broke down on the phone when Soobin called to check in on you.

He was so shocked at your tears that he was ready to jump on a plane, but you stopped him from doing so. Knowing that you needed to push through and confide in the friends you made, whom you’ve started to hang out with a lot more, especially with Hyunjin.  

He reminded you a lot of Soobin, the way he was gentle yet in for dumb shit matched well with your own personality, and hanging out with him felt liberating. He introduced you to his friends and spent time with you and your lab partner and roommate Giselle whenever he could, which made your time at Brown a lot more bearable than you had anticipated.

Yeonjun was slowly starting to enjoy life again. He caught up with his studies, kept going to therapy, had regular calls with his mother, and spent time with his friends whenever he could. He started to pick up his neglected hobby of dancing again, finding comfort in the art form with Wooyoung and his crew.

Month 4

Yeonjun’s mother sold Choi Enterprises. She was completely done with the company as it wasn’t hers to begin with. The stock prices had risen for the first time since Daniel’s death paired with the whole Lita ordeal, so she took the chance to get rid of her past with a simple transaction.

She consulted Yeonjun about selling the company and the house he grew up in, for which he agreed, glad that they could finally close that dark chapter of their lives while getting a fresh start with new surroundings.  

With all of this newly acquired money, she opened a new headquarters of her own luxury fashion brand, closer to Yeonjun; only an hour away to be exact.  

She was determined to be a better mother and get to know her son, and the only way to do so was by actually trying. He was happier now that the burden of having to take over Choi Enterprises one day fell off of his shoulders.  

For the first time in a long time, he held the reigns to his own future again and his mother assured him that she’d support whatever he wanted to do in life both mentally and financially.

From there on out things started to look up for them.  

They went on café dates every Sunday, and sometimes he’d visit her for an entire weekend where they would bond by cooking or shopping together. 

During one visit, Yeonjun helped her pick some pieces for Fashion week, which made her pleasantly surprised by Yeonjun’s out of the box and daring passion for fashion. She suggested he’d take a minor in fashion design next to his regular Business studies and after giving it a good thought, he did, enjoying it a little more than he thought he would.

Month 5

You were doing better too. The hard part of your research was over with, and you had a well-deserved break which you spent with Giselle, Chanhee, and Hyunjin. You decided on having a mini-vacation and go sightseeing, rent an Airbnb somewhere in the state, and just chill.

Everything was fine until the last night of your trip, where you got shitfaced drunk and ended up sleeping with Hyunjin.  

You were single, so there was no reason to feel guilty, especially since the last time you even talked to Yeonjun was over a month ago, yet you still did.  

Of course, you had to talk to Mia about it, who only told you to remember that when you’d return in a month; you’d probably never see Hyunjin again, and that was enough for you to start distancing yourself from him.

The guy obviously had feelings for you, and you felt bad for friend-zoning him after being intimate with him, but the fact of the matter was that you just didn’t feel the same way about him. None of it would matter in a few weeks anyway, because you’d be heading back home, to your friends...and to Yeonjun.

Month 6  

Brown had offered you to stay and finish your studies at their facilities but you kindly declined. The experience was great, but you couldn’t put yourself through one more year of this type of curriculum, and you desperately wanted to see your friends' faces again by going back to the place you’ve called home for the past three years.

To your new-found friends’ disappointment, you were getting ready to leave as the weeks passed, packing your things little by little and meeting up with all of the people you met one last time before parting ways for good.  

It felt bittersweet though. Not only did you learn a lot about neuroscience, but you learned a lot about yourself as well. You grew as a person, matured, and blossomed by being more independent. Not having Soobin or your other friends to fall back on really pushed you to become more self-dependent, which was one of the perks of being away from them for so long.

You respected yourself and put yourself first and promised that that’d be a piece of knowledge that you’d be taking back home too.

Now.

Yeonjun couldn’t believe half a year had passed already. But what he really couldn’t believe was that he’d be seeing you again tonight.  

He stood in your apartment with the guys and Mia, organizing your things and cleaning up the place for your surprise welcome home party. Being in there felt weird, almost foreign to be exact.

It’d been half a year since he stepped foot in here, and even though you were gone for so long, the place still smelled like you. If it wasn’t for the empty shelves, missing bedsheets, and plastic covers over your furniture; it’d almost seem like you never really left.

He opened your bedroom door to see Mia struggling to make your bed and chuckled lightly at the sight. He walked over to her, grabbing the other ends of the sheets to help her out.

Mia gave him a faint smile and stopped her movements for a second to look at Yeonjun. “Are you excited?” She asks with a big smile. Lord knows she was, her best friend was finally coming back but Yeonjun didn’t really know how to answer Mia’s question.

“More nervous than excited. We checked up on each other from time to time but it’s not like we really talked or anything.”

Mia pouted at Yeonjun’s insecure facial expression. One she hasn’t seen from him that often. Especially lately. Mia and Yeonjun have gotten a lot closer in the past six months, which was a nice change for the both of them.

“It’ll be fine. Don’t worry. You’re not the same Yeonjun you were six months ago. And that’s a good thing. She’ll appreciate the change.”

“Gee, thanks.” Yeonjun snickers as he throws a pillow at Mia’s head. It hit her straight in the face, messing up her hair which made both of them erupt in loud laughter.

“Asshole,” Mia says straightening out her hair.

“What’s going on here?” Soobin asks with a big smile on his face as he enters your room.

Soobin hasn’t been able to wipe that damn grin off of his face all day. He was so excited for you to come back and honestly the mood with the boys and with Mia has been amazing lately.  

“Yeonjun is back to his old ways,” Mia argues as she tries to throw the pillow back at him, but Yeonjun swiftly caught it, giggling to himself as he fixes it before putting it back on your bed, where it belongs.

“Well, quit messing around and hurry the fuck up, I’m picking her up in an hour.” Soobin says clapping his hands together to try and give orders, but neither Yeonjun nor Mia were phased by Soobin’s attempt to assert dominance. Both of them rolled their eyes before getting back to the task of making your bed.  

It was adorable how stressed yet giddy Soobin was to see you again. Everything had to be perfect before you arrived so he could relax and make sure you’ll be able to relax after your flight too.  

He ran around your apartment like a stressed mother; making sure the boys weren’t messing around too much so that everything planned out smoothly before the guests arrived.

Soobin waited for you patiently…at the wrong exit.

You immediately recognized his tall form when you were skimming the crowd, wondering why he wasn’t there yet, but when you saw his back facing the wrong arrival hall; you knew enough.  

It’s so Soobin of him to face the wrong way. You smile to yourself as it gave you the perfect opportunity to scare him.

You chuckle as you walk towards him while pulling your suitcase with you. He was concentrated on the people exiting the gates, hoping to see you and growing more and more restless as you didn’t show up, but little did he know, you were right behind him.

“Who are we waiting for?” You ask in a serious tone as you stood beside him with your arms crossed while following his gaze onto the crowd.

Soobin’s head snapped into your direction so fast you swore you heard a bone crack.  

His eyes widened before he smacked his bunny-like lips in confusion, looking you up and down before a huge smile crept upon his face that you could only mimic.  

“YOU’RE HERE!” Soobin shouts in shock, relief, and joy at the same time while pulling you in for a tight hug. He inhaled your scent while twirling you around, and all you could do was giggle as he smothered you in his hold.

God, you missed him, and judging from the way he wasn’t letting go of you, you could tell he missed you too.

“Ugh, I missed you so much. How was your flight? And look at you! Did you change up your hair? You look good, happy, healthy. Ugh.”  

You couldn’t even respond to anything he was saying as he wrapped you into his arms again. Normally you’d fight him for being so clingy, but this time you let him have his way for a few seconds…until it got hard to breathe.

“Soobin, I can’t breathe.” You protest softly as you tap his chest to let go which made him laugh in response, holding you at an arms-length. “Sorry y/n. I just…we’re never separating for that long ever again,” he says with a serious yet playful look on his face.

“Agreed.” you beam up at him as you link arms, walking towards the exit.

“Did you have a good flight?” he asks as he pets your hair, not believing that you were standing next to him right now.  

“Mmh, there was some turbulence so I couldn’t really rest. I can’t wait till I’m home again so I can sleep,” you mumble before you let out a yawn as you drag your feet on the tiled floor of the airport.

Soobin gulped. He didn’t know how you’d feel about the hoard of people in your apartment right now, all ready to celebrate your return when all you really wanted was to get some rest after your long travels.  

He felt guilty for a second but also knew that you’d probably forget all about your tiredness when you’ll see all of your friends again.

“Uhm, the car isn’t that far. Give me that,” he says as he takes your suitcase from your hold.

“Everyone quiet down! They’re coming up right now!” Taehyun announces while he cut the music.

Everyone frantically found a spot to hide. Some giggled as it got dark, some held on to each other cause they couldn’t see shit and some were nervous wrecks like Yeonjun.

You weren’t suspecting anything as you dragged your feet to your apartment. Soobin was acting weirder and weirder; fumbling with his keys, dropping shit, and constantly checking his phone, but you were too dense and tired to notice.

You struggle with your lock and let out a yawn. Soobin stood closely behind you, taking a deep breath as the door swung open.

Before you could even close the door behind you or find the light switch, all of the lights turned on in an instant, followed by a loud ‘SURPISE’ yelled out by at least two dozen people who were occupying your living space.

You flinch, your eyes nearly popping out of your skull and stumble backward, just so your back could hit Soobin’s tall form.

He laughed hysterically clapping his hands together like a seal, followed by everyone in the room.

“Oh my god.” Is the only thing that you were able to get out as you covered your face at the overwhelming sensation.

You didn’t even realize you had this many friends? I mean you knew all of them of course, but you didn’t comprehend the fact that they were all here to welcome you back.

The music turned back on and Mia was the first one to launch herself into your arms which had you immediately defrosting in her hold.

‘BITCH!!!” she yelped. “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.”  

She clung onto you and twirled you around making the adrenaline and confusion in your body shift to pure happiness at seeing their faces again.

You can’t believe they did this, and suddenly you don’t feel tired anymore.

“Y/N!” Beomgyu squealed your name as he hugged you, followed by Taehyun and Hueningkai who all patiently waited until it was their turn to hug you.

You were so caught up in shock and bombarded with love, that you didn't have time to scan the room for other familiar faces. Instead, you just let them come to you one by one as you stood glued to the floor, smiling, hugging and chatting away with all of the people that seemed to have missed you so dearly.  

Yeonjun stood in the corner of your living room, watching the whole ordeal. A smile crept onto his face at how happy and healthy you looked. It’s almost as if he saw you for the first time again. Making him realize that love at first sight really was a thing…even in this form.

He took a sip of his drink, still watching you carefully until someone nudged his shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you go say hi to your girl?” The taller and older guy leaned against the wall next to Yeonjun after nudging him, making him look up at him.

“Hyung, I don’t even know what to say to her. She’s so happy right now, I don’t wanna ruin it.”

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side. “You don’t think she’ll be happy to see you?”

“I don’t know anything right now.” Yeonjun sighed, watching you join Hueningkai and Beomgyu for a selfie with a big smile on your face. “When is the last time you two spoke?” Johnny asked, taking another sip of his drink.  

“Like two months ago.”

“Damn…”

“I know.”  

and just as the picture was taken, you spotted him across the room.  

Your eyes locked, making Yeonjun freeze in place. “Shit,” he gulps, downing his drink in one go to calm his nerves which made Johnny laugh at his antics.

“Relaaaax. Did you see her eyes light up just now? I think she missed you too,” he assures him, throwing an arm around his shoulder for comfort.

This seems odd? Doesn’t it? Yeonjun and Johnny being all friendly with each other.

During Yeonjun’s never-ending therapy sessions, the school’s counselor wanted to connect Yeonjun with someone with a similar background. You should’ve seen both of their faces when they met during a group session, but after realizing they had such corresponding backgrounds, you know; the neglected rich kid kind, they haven’t stopped talking to each other and oddly became very close friends.

It was nice for Yeonjun to have an older brother figure in his life since he’s the oldest in his own friend group, and it was even nicer for Johnny to find out that Yeonjun wasn’t such a big dick after all. Oh, and the part of having someone who gets his struggle was great too, even in the form of Choi Yeonjun.  

You couldn’t believe your eyes. You didn’t expect him to be here for some reason and the last thing you expected was seeing him with Johnny’s arm around his shoulder in a non-threatening way.

Mia chuckled as she followed your gaze. “Yeah…so, they started hanging out a few months ago.”

“How even?”  

“I don’t know maybe they started to bond over being your rejects,” Taehyun says making Mia and Beomgyu cackle with him, but you couldn’t quite see the humor in it. You had only returned to your friends for 5 whole minutes and they were already being annoying.  

Soobin noticed your slight annoyance and chuckled, rubbing your back in comfort as he was the only one to notice how nervous you really were to talk to him again after all this time. “Go talk to him, he’s just as nervous. Trust me.” Soobin says into your ear so only you could hear, and you give him a small nod in response. Smiling at the encouragement you so desperately needed.

You’re a bad bitch. You got this.  

You look at him once more as he talked to Johnny.

For some reason, his whole aura changed from the last time you saw him. His features matured a bit, he lost weight and he completely embraced having a mullet. Ok…hot.  

He was breathtaking. Even after all this time of being apart, he made you feel the exact same way and all it took to remind you of that feeling was one look from him.  

He decided to man up and make his way through the crowd to greet you, but you beat him to it as your legs automatically walked over to where he was standing.

Johnny sensed the sudden electricity in the air as you approached and decided to go in for the hug first to give Yeonjun some time to collect himself. “Y/n!” Johnny coed as he enveloped you into a big bear hug. “It’s so good to see you again. How are you? How was your exchange?”  

You’re snapped out of your trance, but you still feel Yeonjun’s eyes on you as you’re trapped in Johnny’s embrace. You collect yourself as you let go of him, trying to avoid Yeonjun’s gaze for now but it was almost impossible because of how close he was.  

“I’m good, it was good. A lot of sleepless nights but it was totally worth it.” You give him the quickest answer possible; you weren’t quite sure where to start the conversation with Yeonjun but the longer the two of you ignored each other, the weirder the tension between you two was getting.

He took a deep breath, giving you a warm smile before averting his attention to Johnny. He not so subtly told him to leave with his eyes, which made Johnny suavely exit the conversation by announcing that he needed a refill.

“Hey…” you start.

Yeonjun’s eyes glistened as he looked at you with adoration. “Hey.”

You looked good. Your skin had a healthy glow, and your new haircut was working wonders for your features. He was entranced by your beauty for a second before realizing his stare might be creeping you out, though you didn’t even notice, cause you were staring at him too.  

You were completely caught up in your own perception of time. Everything seemed to slow down now that you were looking into others eyes again after all this time and just as you were about to open your mouth to speak, some kid you didn’t know accidentally bumped into you roughly.  

The sudden impact made you lose balance as you jolted forward, straight into Yeonjun’s arms. Luckily, he swiftly caught and stabilized you.

He looked at you in shock, making sure you were okay as he grabbed your shoulders before turning his attention to the random kid who somehow got an invite to be at your welcome home party, in your house, without you even knowing who he is.

He quickly apologized, but you feared for what was about to happen. The Yeonjun you left 6 months ago was a dick and a hothead, he’d make the kid regret running into you like that but to your surprise Yeonjun straightened out the freshman’s clothes and gave him a small side smile.  

“Be careful kid, we just got her back,” he says in neutral yet friendly tone.

That’s it? No threatening glare? No sarcasm?

He seemed to notice your dumbfounded facial expression and chuckled. “Anger management classes,” he explains with playfulness evident in his voice.

“You’re kidding?” you scoff in amusement.

“Nope. I’ve turned into a complete softie, just for you.”  

You teasingly shove his shoulder and laugh loudly. The sound made Yeonjun’s heart flutter as he watched your face contort into pure joy and cuteness. He felt the sudden urge to squish your cheeks together and litter your face with kisses but he withheld himself from doing so, and reciprocated your giggles with the sound of his own laugh as he raked his hand through his long locks.

This small moment of flirty teasing made the both of you realize just how much you had missed each other as you were quick to jump back in your old ways.

You both should’ve known that worrying about any awkwardness between you two was stupid. After all, you were friends before you even started dating; and luckily that dynamic returned quickly because he was just as big of a casual flirter as you were.

Suddenly it felt like you were starting all over again with him, it felt like the first time you tried to connect with him on that damn picnic that started the timeline of your relationship.

Somehow the universe granted you the opportunity to hit the reset button and do things right this time, and you couldn’t be happier now that you realize how stupid it was to worry about the inseverable connection you two seemed to have to each other.

Even after all these months and all those miles of distance, Yeonjun still felt like home.  

He gave you a shy smile, realizing you were staring at him with hearts in your eyes while you expectantly gazed into his dark orbs.

His eyes weren’t hollow anymore, for the first time in ages his happiness felt genuine and you couldn’t wait for him to tell you all about it.

“How about we…ditch your party for a bit and go take a walk,” Yeonjun suggests, giving you a hopeful yet mischievous look as he held out his hand for you.

You boldly lace your fingers through his and lead him out of your apartment without a second thought, ignoring stares from literally everyone.

Oh my god, history really was repeating itself. Your mind flashes back to the walk you took with him that night at Johnny’s party; you lead him out of Johnny’s kitchen the exact same way right after the fight you had with an overprotective Soobin about trying to date Yeonjun.

You got Yeonjun a little flustered, which is a first, but he was happy with your directness. He couldn’t wait to be alone with you in a more private setting and if that meant leaving your own party, then so be it.  

Fresh air hits your lungs as the chilly spring night welcomes you outside. Your apartment was way too crowded and way too hot which made you sigh contently as the cold wind created goosebumps on your skin.

Yeonjun looked at you and stopped in his tracks while diverting his gaze at your still intertwined fingers.

You look back at him, confused as to why he stopped walking, but before you could ask questions; he pulled you towards him, trapping you into his strong arms. One of his hands made its way to the nape of your neck to slowly pat your hair as he leaned his chin on the top of your head.

You just let it happen, wrapping your arms around his torso while burying your face in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of soap mixed with his expensive Chanel Bleu cologne hit your nostrils and the butterflies in your tummy start to flutter again after being on rest for six months.

Whole. That’s how you feel in the moment.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” You mumble into the hug, not wanting to look up at him out of fear that he might not have felt the same, but by the way he was holding you right now, you should know better. The insecurity of not being good enough still had its ways of fucking with your mind, even though you had no reason to be.

Yeonjun opened his eyes at your confession, not being able to hide how happy he was to hear that his feelings were mutual. He hid his grin by burying his face into your hair again as he giggled before pulling back slightly to see your face. You were trying incredibly hard to hide the heat that had risen to your cheeks but it was to no avail as Yeonjun mumbled something about how cute you were right now.

He was so worried you didn’t feel the same. He was convinced you forgot all about him at Brown. Your Instagram stories were filled with the countless parties you went to, the new people you met accompanied with the fact that your posts were littered with suggestive comments from guys he could only assume you met over there.

Yeonjun’s biggest fear relating to your return was that you utilized those six months away from him to move on, but as selfish as it sounds; he was so incredibly glad that you hadn’t.  

“Look at me.” He tried to cup your face but you didn’t let him, giggling into his chest as you protested.

The two of you must look absolutely pathetic to bystanders right now. You were completely stuck in your own world, acting like high school kids who were brand new to love, but somehow that’s exactly what you were.  

He chuckled lowly, as you tightened the hold you had on his waist. “Ah, whyyy…Look at me, come on.”

You do as you’re told, and when you look up you are greeted by the most beautiful smile you’ve seen in your life, making your breath hitch in your throat at how boyish yet manly he looked just now.

“Ok, I’m looking. Now what?” You challenge as you take a hold of his wrists as he cupped your face.

He didn’t know if he’d move too fast if he kissed your lips right now, so he decided against it while giving you a sweet kiss on your forehead instead.

“I just wanted to see your pretty face up close again. Instagram doesn’t do you justice, angel.”

“Oh, shut up.” You giggle, rolling your eyes as you push yourself out of his hold. You hate to admit it, but the little pet name made your heart skip a beat. You pretend to run from him, but he snatched you back in no time by tugging at your elbow with laughs and giggles. You give in and link arms with him as you resumed your walk through your neighborhood and look up at him to check if he was really here with you right now.

This whole thing just felt too good to be true. Here you thought he’d moved on from your relationship, but the confirmation that he hadn’t was nice, to say the least.

He looked down as he felt your eyes on him and smiles at you before looking at the path ahead of him.

“What?” he asks with an amused tone, but you just shake your head in response.

“You seem different.”  

“How different?”

“Like you aren’t carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore type of different.”

He nodded understandingly and stopped in his tracks to look into your eyes again. His hands traveled down to yours, lacing your fingers together once more before he sighed, tucking a stray piece of your hair behind your ear for you.

You gave him an expecting look, squeezing the hand that was still intertwined with yours to assure him of the fact that you’re listening, which earned you a small smile.

“It’s cause I’m not. While you were changing the lives of others with your research, I was changing my own. At first, I thought the whole therapy thing was a hoax. I didn’t understand why talking to some stranger would fix me, but it helped me come to terms with a lot. I learned about acceptance and moving forward. And I learned that in order to be able to love someone in a healthy manner, I’d have to love myself first. You know…on a deeper level than just my handsome face” he jokes trying to lift some weight off of his words.

You roll your eyes, but secretly love his arrogance, making a low chuckle escape from your lips before you return to seriousness again.

“I’m so proud of you.” you say, and you mean it. You’re amazed at how clear his mind seemed to be. It’d usually take Yeonjun a good minute to collect his thoughts before he could talk about how he felt with you, but right now it came out so naturally, it was almost odd.

He gave you a weak side smile, making eye contact once again. “I’m nowhere near the finish line though. I can’t promise you that I’ll never fuck up again because I’m learning as I go, but what I can promise you, is that my heart and my feelings for you are unchanged. I haven’t stopped thinking of you, not once. The thought of being with you again was my driving force and I need you to know that.”

He caressed your cheek while you let his words sink in and suddenly you feel tears prickle your eyes.  

You were at a loss for words, completely lovestruck by his incredibly sweet and wise confession.

You hold onto his wrist for leverage, your breathing turned shaky and uneven as a tear escaped your eyes.

Here you thought he had completely moved on from your relationship. But god, you were so wrong, and you couldn’t be any happier.

“I promised myself to never make you cry again,” he joked lightheartedly as he wiped another tear away from your cheek, making you sniff in response, wiping them away with your sleeve quickly.  “They’re happy tears.”  

He looked into your eyes again, searching for answers and maybe even permission. He wanted to take things slow; give you time to reflect and time to adjust to being back home, but he simply couldn’t help himself.

When you leaned into his touch, he knew you basically gave him an okay to proceed.

He inched his face dangerously close to yours, lightly brushing his plump lips against yours. His hesitation made you smile, so you pull him down to your level by the back of his neck as you initiated the kiss.

He froze for a second at your dominance but quickly relaxed in your touch soon after he realized that you seemed to want this just as much as he did.

Kissing him was like muscle memory. It felt natural and blissful and suddenly you find yourself wondering about how you were able to live without this feeling of pure euphoria for over six months.

His love was like a drug, and all it took was one kiss to break your sobriety.

He pulled back, quickly assessing his surroundings before he realized the two of you were basically making out in the middle of the street.

He pulled you into an alleyway and pushed you against the wall of a random apartment building, his hands holding on to each side of your face delicately yet roughly as he kissed you with so much fervor, it almost made you dizzy.  

“You really had me thinking I lost you forever,” he mumbles as his lips disconnected from yours.

You weren’t given the change to respond as his lips found their way to the soft spot in your neck. He still remembered every sensitive inch of your skin and used it against you all too willingly; wrapping his hands around your throat as he kissed and licked a pattern from your jaw to your neck.  

A breathy moan left your lips as he started to suck possessive marks onto your neck and you instinctively wrap your arms around his waist, letting him do as he pleases, too entranced by the delicious feeling. You jumped up and he caught you by hooking his arms under your thighs, stabilizing you against the wall as you kept making out.

You giggled at his eagerness, a little flustered at the fact that you were in public; even though it was nighttime while being in a neglected alley; it still felt wrong.

He smirked against your neck when he felt you hesitate, and placed a soft yet wet kiss on your lips before letting go of you. He made sure you landed back on the ground safely, straightening out your clothes for you. “Maybe we should head back,” he says with a dark gaze, acting as if he didn’t just litter your neck with marks and bruises. He licked his pouty lips in amusement at the sight of what he had just done to you, knowing all too well that people would be able to see what happened while the two of you were gone.

You playfully shoved him aside, completely oblivious to how bad it really was but when you stepped into the elevator and saw your own reflection you gasped and shot Yeonjun a look of pure panic and distress. “YEONJUN!” you gasp loudly. “You can’t be fucking serious.”

“I’m sorry I just…couldn’t help myself.” he licked his lips again, cockiness emitting from his entire being. He inched closer to you to give you an innocent kiss on the top of your head and pulled the hair tie out of your hair, making your hair fall past your shoulders to cover the hickeys.

“This’ll do.”

“Oh my god, I hate you.”

He scoffed, casually smacking your ass in response.  

On the remaining way back to your apartment you were constantly fixing your clothes and hair, trying to let it nonchalantly fall to the front but you knew it looked rather ridiculous.

You had hoped your friends were too intoxicated to notice but when you stepped foot in your apartment with Yeonjun closely trailing behind you, all eyes were on you again.

How long were you two gone for? 10, maybe 20 minutes?

“Hyung.” Taehyun grabbed Yeonjun by his collar, turning him around which made Yeonjun frown at the younger one.

“For fucks sake.” Taehyun sighs dramatically, wiping something pink from the corner of Yeonjun’s mouth with his index finger.  

…it was your fucking lipgloss.

Yeonjun’s ears turned a bright red as he started to chuckle nervously. “Now I lost the fucking bet with Hueningkai. I thought it’d take at least a week before you two would start simping over each other again, it hasn’t even been an hour….AND OUTSIDE?” Taehyun sucks his teeth as a sign of disapproval, looking you up and down before his eyes lingered on your neck. “Animals. That’s it. That’s the description.”

“Pay up, loser. I told you.” Hueningkai cackles as he throws his arms around both Taehyun and Yeonjun’s shoulders.

“Y’all made a bet? An actual bet on our relationship?” you ask in pure disbelief. It was so like them to turn your emotional turmoil into their own amusement, but you couldn’t really be mad at them.

Your friends know the two of you better than anyone and probably saw this coming way before you did.

“Venmo me later.” Taehyun mumbles to Hueningkai in defeat while walking off, and you can’t help but chuckle at the irony of it all.  

All of these months left in pure insecurity about your relationship with Yeonjun. Nights of pondering about your future, worrying if he had moved on or not. It was all for nothing

Yeonjun and you move like magnets, and no course of time could really drive you apart because when you’re reunited, you will always find your way back to each other. Always.

He looked at you a little dreamily, it still wasn’t sinking in that you were back. For good. And all his.

He snaked his arm around your waist as he stood behind you, resting his head on your shoulder as you told your friends all about your adventures.

He was clingy, you were clingy and neither of you was hiding it for anyone. You’ve had your fair share of secrets with Yeonjun and you were more than glad that those times were over with.

At around 4 AM most people left, and you were left alone with the boys, Ryujin and Mia.

You were on the couch, perfectly comfortable on Yeonjun’s lap as you leaned into his chest. One hand was rubbing your back in up and down motions while the other had found its way under your shirt and onto your waist. His cold fingertips grazed over your bare skin and suddenly it was way too hard to stay awake.

The chatter of your friends became background noise as your eyelids grew heavy. But you were shortly awakened out of your slumber as you felt Yeonjuns lips on your temple.  

“You must be so tired after that flight and this whole circus,” he whispered with an empathetic pout, yet all you could do was nod as a response.

He chuckled at your cuteness and fixed a piece of your hair, kissing your forehead again before you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

“It’s funny how nothing has changed, yet everything is different,” Beomgyu says as he stares at you and Yeonjun with a loving smile.

Beomgyu might be a little shit with a smart mouth, but he cares for his friends. Seeing the two of you be so content in each other's presence made love emit from his pupils. Even though Yeonjun had been doing so much better the best couple of months, nothing compares to the pure happiness and giddiness that Gyu was seeing from him now, and that was all because you were together again.

Beomgyu wasn’t the only one to notice, because it was literally all of them, and especially Soobin.

Soobin who literally rebelled against any type of relationship between you and Yeonjun was smiling at the sight of you in his arms fondly. His two best friends finally found solace in each other after all the shit that both of you had been through together, and it made him sentimental.

A year had passed since the two of you started dating unofficially, though this was the first time in that whole year that Soobin was completely okay with it.

You were long gone and off into dreamland by now as Yeonjun looked at you with a small smile on his lips, but when he looked up to check why everyone had stopped talking, he was met with six pairs of twinkling eyes on him.

His pupils darted back and forth between them in genuine confusion. “Why? What’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Soobin sighed contently. “For once, nothing is wrong.” he says as he leans forward to hug Mia from behind who was sitting between his legs on the floor.

Taehyun chuckled at Soobin’s dramatic statement and Hueningkai hummed in agreement.  

“Not to get all simpy or anything, but with her being back it feels like our little dysfunctional family is whole again.” Beomgyu mumbles as he let his head drop onto Ryujin’s shoulder.

“Let’s try to be less dysfunctional,” Hueningkai says with determination.  

“We can be less dysfunctional if you can clean up after yourselves and fold your own damn laundry so I don’t have to start a fight with you every 5 seconds,” Taehyun argues as he throws a pillow at Hueningkai's face. Making him laugh as he got in in the face with full force.

“Why can’t we just…have one peaceful moment…just one.” Soobin says rubbing his forehead in agony.

Yeonjun chuckled at the banter of his little brothers and looked back at you. “I don’t know guys, maybe that’s our charm,” he says leaving all of them in pure confusion as they looked at him for clarification.

“What do you mean by that.” Mia questions as she raises a brow at him.

“We’ll literally walk through fire to be there for each other, right? We go through things individually but will never fail to be there for each other in times of need, and I think we need to embrace our worst mistakes and arguments so we can grow from them. After all we’ve been through, I know we’ll be together forever. So, I say cheers to being dysfunctional,” He says with a proud smile, picking up his drink from the side table to raise it up in the air for a collective moment of cheers.

Dumbfounded by Yeonjun’s odd display of maturity and wise words, they all comply, raising their glasses in the air followed by a loud cheer to being “dysfunctional.”

The sudden loudness of their voices woke you up, completely out of it and sleep drunk; you lift your head from Yeonjun’s chest, squinting your eyes at your friends as you rub the sleep out of your eyes.

“Did I miss anything?” you say, your voice laced with sleep and confusion.

They all burst out into laughter at your current state paired with your obliviousness and messy bed hair.

“Nah, just six months of incompleteness,”  Yeonjun says as he pecks your lips.

Mia stayed over that night and helped you unpack and clean your whole apartment the next day, which you were super grateful for but...you’d be lying if you said you didn’t wish Yeonjun would’ve stayed the night.

The fact of the matter is that you haven’t had time for a serious talk with him yet, because you know, tongue punching each other was of higher priority than hashing things out with actual words. Which meant you hadn’t really talked about your relationship status or how things will be moving forward.

“The last game of the season is tonight. Are you going?” Mia asked as she plops down on your couch with you.

“The last one? Already?”

“Yeah we’re gonna go celebrate after.”

“Even if they lose?”

“Girl, you know they don’t lose.”  

You roll your eyes and laugh at Mia’s overconfidence in her boyfriends’ team. You were about to give her a definite answer before your phone started buzzing.

[Yeonjun, 12.44 PM]: Hi baby.

[Yeonjun, 12.45 PM]: Is it ok if I come over? I’ll bring us coffees from that café you love so much. 😌

[Y/N, 12.45 PM]: Yesss please 🥺

You giddily smile at your phone, wanting to squeal with excitement but you hold it in and Mia seems to notice. “Oh god, is it him?”

“Yeah, so.” you glare at her with playful intent “Let me be happy. He’s changed so drastically; I almost couldn’t believe that last night’s Yeonjun was the Yeonjun I left six months ago.”

“Yeah, he’s been working super hard to change and the whole thing with his mom helped too.”

“His mom? What do you mean?” You ask in genuine confusion, Mia bit her lip as she furiously shook her head. “Listen, I’m never, ever going to meddle in your relationship ever again. When he gets here, I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it.”

You chuckle, nodding in agreement until your attention is averted to your phone again as it buzzes in your lap once more.

[Hyunjin, 12.46 PM]: Hey sweetheart, did you have a good flight?  

Oh….

Your eyes shoot to Mia’s in panic and she frowns, taking your phone out of your hold to read the message.

“Oh my god…is this your little slip-up?” she asks with disgust evident on her features.

“What do you mean slip up? I am a single woman,” you argue, but Mia wasn’t having it.

“AM?”

“WAS? GIRL, I DON’T KNOW. It was a fling, nothing more.”

“Flings don’t call you sweetheart and ask you how your flight was.” Mia says squinting her eyes at you.

“Mia…”

She sighed, visibly irritated with how naïve you were being, but you couldn’t have known that you’d fall back into Yeonjun’s arms that fast, and it’s not like you ever dated Hyunjin. He was just a friend…who you’ve slept with once.  

“Listen, girl. I love you...but after everything Yeonjun has put himself through to be a better man for you, you better ghost this motherfucker right now or else.”

“Jeez, I will. It’s not like I like the guy. And since when are you team Yeonjun?”

She relaxed at your statement, slouching back into the couch. “A lot has changed y/n. He was a good friend to me when you weren’t here, that’s all.”

You nod understandingly, realizing that Yeonjun and yourself have a lot to talk about; maybe even more than you had hoped for now that Hyunjin reminded you of his existence with a mere text message.

Mia left soon after, wanting to give Yeonjun and yourself some privacy for when he got here, which wasn’t long after she left.

You opened the door for him, and he smiled at you. He was wearing a black beanie, an oversized black t-shirt, and those damned gray sweatpants of his that you love so much. Your heart did a thing at the sight and he quickly kissed your cheek before he rushed his way into your living room, trying to find a place to set down the coffee cups that were burning his fingertips at the touch.

“Careful.” You mumble as you watch him struggle. When he put the coffees down on your salon table, he quickly made his way to you again to properly kiss you this time.

He cupped your face, pulling you into him as he started to steal chaste kisses from your lips. You giggled into the kisses as you tried to untangle yourself from him, slapping his chest playfully to shoo him away.

He let go with a smile, taking your hand to lead you to your couch. You could tell by his whole body language and the way he skipped through your apartment that he was happier than ever.

You hoped you wouldn’t ruin that happiness by telling him about Hyunjin, but it shouldn’t matter because he didn’t matter. You only wanted to tell him just so you weren’t keeping any secrets anymore; cause god knows how that went the last time.  

“How’d you sleep?” he asks you as he hands you your coffee. You happily take it from him and keep your eyes on him as you take a sip. “Fine, it was weird being in my own bed again, I missed it though.”

“Yeah? Anything else you missed?” his gaze was piercing into you as he took a sip of his Americano, fully aware that he was fishing for an ego boost.

“Theres this guy I kinda missed, I guess his name is Yeonjun.” You shrug as you take another sip; your flirty playfulness is one of the things that he loved about you, it kept things spicy.

“Oh him? He wanted me to tell you that he kinda missed you too,” he says with an amused glimmer in his eyes.

You chuckle. “Good.”

Suddenly the two of you fell quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward quietness; it was more of a realization that your endless flirting had to turn into somewhat of a serious conversation.

“Yeonjun…”

“Hmm?” his eyes softened at the way you called his name, he set his coffee aside turning to you completely to show you that he was listening attentively.

You sigh, not knowing what else to say other than the following. “I love you and I want to be with you.”

His eyes grow in size, a little shook by your directness but he composed himself as he fixed his posture quickly. “Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?”

“I mean it, but I need to be honest with you too,”

“About what?”

“While I was at Brown, I kind of…flirted off and on with one of my lab partners and well…I slept with him…once. I swear it was only once and I-” he cut you off by raising his hand so you’d stop your nervous rambling and sighed. He knew exactly who you were talking about, because he had seen that motherfucker all over Instagram and had honestly seen this confession coming from miles away. 

He was glad you told him though, cause he'd feel worse if you tried to hide it from him.

Though you didn’t post about him, Hyunjin did post about you, and basically tagged you in all of his Insta stories or group pictures. Yeonjun shamelessly cyberstalked the guy. It wasn’t one of his proudest moments, but he had to just to stay sane.  

“Baby, we were broken up. You don’t have to justify what you did or didn’t do at that time. It’s not like I expected you to turn into a nun.”  

You raise your brows in surprise at his mature response. “You’re not mad?”

“No. As long as it’s over with.”

“It is, I promise.”  

“Good,” he sucked his teeth as he watched you. “Also, it’s not like anyone can fuck you as well as I can,” he states with a devious smirk as he pulled you close, making you gulp in response to his choice of words.

He chuckles at how easily intimidated you were by him and takes the opportunity to tease you.  

“Did he?”  

“N-no.” you stutter, innocently staring up at him. “He didn’t”

“Good girl.” He says, biting his lip while letting his thumb ghost over your lower lip.

His choice of words made your stomach turn but you knew better than to let lust get the best of you once again.

“Yeonjun…” you breathe his name like a warning, trying to avert the tension. “We…we need to talk.”

“We can talk.” He shrugs, pulling your legs towards him aggressively so you’d slide down. Your back was now on the couch as he parted your legs, settling himself in between them before hovering over you to kiss over the bruises he left last night. “After I give you a little reminder.” He smiles against your skin, pulling your shirt over your bra so he could kiss a trail down to your belly button.

“God I missed you,” he says digging his nails into your waist. "So fucking much."

(Warning: heavy smut ahead!)

Your mind goes into overdrive as he unties the tie to your sweatpants, and as he does so you stare at the outline that had formed in his own.

He didn’t waste any time, pulling down the waistband of your joggers with one swift motion while you helped him by lifting your hips off the couch.

He discarded of your clothes faster than your mind could comprehend but then you noticed that he was fully clothed, when the only thing you were wearing by now were your panties.

You pouted, pulling at his waistband but he grabbed your wrist, pinning your hands above your head so he could look at you, beautiful, bare, and all his.  

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” His lips found their way to the sensitive nub of your breast as he eagerly licked and sucked on it while his fingers found their way onto your still clothed heat.

He rubbed his middle and index finger over your clit, making you moan at the sudden stimulation.

He pulled away, making his way down to your core as he littered your inner thigh with more and more hickeys.

You were eagerly moving your hips by now, trying to get him to kiss you where you wanted him most, but he was taking his sweet time and you were losing your patience.

“Y-Yeonjun…” you moan his name. He finally rewards you by pulling your panties aside. Licking his lips at your glistening arousal, ready to feast on you as if it was the last meal he’d ever have.

“Fuck.” He says with admiration to no one in particular, placing a soft kiss on your pussy before he started to slowly kitten-lick your sensitive nub. He lowly hummed in approval at the taste of you and fastened his pace slowly.

You gasped, arching your back to give him better access as he started to eat you out like you’ve never experienced in your life.

His skill was baffling, he had your brain melting and legs shaking while he struggled to keep you still.

“Ah…” you arch your back once more, trying to get away from the overstimulation but he held you down with his strong arms.

“Who are you running from baby, stay still.” He ordered with a low voice before getting back to business, and with ten more seconds, he had you cumming in his mouth as the vibration of his low hums drove you over the edge. You cover your own mouth to muffle your loud cries, but he pulled your hands away from your face, wanting to hear you fall apart for him.

“That’s it baby.” he mused in approval, finishing you off with one last lick before he came back up to assess your fucked out state. “So fucking good for me.”  

Your chest was heaving up and down rapidly as you were trying to catch your breath. Once again you lost to the charms of Choi Yeonjun, but he was nowhere near done with you.

He quickly got rid of his own clothes and pumped himself a few times while looking straight into your eyes.

This man is a god, and he knew it.

His mischief returned when he realized you were watching him. “I think I got you wet enough, right baby?”

You almost forgot about his grit, your mouth salivating at the sight. Any slick you could build with him was a gift, because the last thing you wanted was for him to start a fire down there, cause that’s just how big he was.

You sit up which surprised him, but when you spit in your hand and pumped him a few times to slick him up some more he chuckled lowly as he realized what you were doing. He moaned in the form of a sharp exhale as your pace fastened, but he didn’t let you take control just yet.

“Scared?” he teased, keeping his eyes on you as you twisted your wrist a little more.

“No.” you huff.

“Then turn around.”  

You comply without a thought. You were both sitting up on your knees while your back leaned against his chest. You threw your head back and he kissed your forehead sweetly. guiding himself into you while his other hand held onto your waist to stabilize you against him.

You curse at the stretch, digging your nails into his thighs for leverage as he fills you up.

You both moan as your walls clenched around him. His arms snaked around you from behind as he took a hold of your neck, pinching down on the veins on each side of your throat as he slammed his hips into you continuously with long and deep strokes.

The choking sensation made everything so much more intense, especially when the fingers of his other hand started to rub circles on your still abused clit.

Your eyes rolled back as your vision got blurry, tears prickling your eyes at how good you were being wrecked right now.

He let go of your neck, putting his hand on the small of your back to push you down on the couch so your ass was up, and your face was down.

He started to pound into you mercilessly, his rhythm and pace perfectly alternating as he grabbed a fistful of your hair. “You’re mine,” he grunted as he felt himself getting closer and closer by the physical stimulation of your tightness and the mental stimulation of your moans and mewls.

It didn’t take long before you both reached your highs as he was prone boning you into heaven.

Your orgasm washes over you, and right after you came, he reached his own high.  

He pulled out right before he busted, releasing himself onto your back with a loud growl.  

Your eyes flutter closed; way too fucked out to function as you catch your breath. You feel his weight move off of you to grab one of the napkins on your side table that came with the coffees, and wiped his cum off of you with a cocky smile on his face.

You built up the energy to look back at him, and when your eyes meet all you can do is giggle with him at how ridiculous you two are.

“So…I guess now we can talk,” he says with a smirk.

- end of smut -

Once you fully recovered from having your back blown out…quite literally. You came out of your bedroom after a quick change of clothes.

You walk into your living room while you pull a clean shirt over your head.

 Yeonjun was still on your couch, watching you with a big boyish smile on his face as his gaze followed you.

“All good?” he asks, opening his arms for you. You nod in response, excitedly making your way into his arms. He moved you on top of him so you were on his lap and kissed your cheek sweetly.

“Where do we even start.” You think out loud as you start playing with Yeonjun’s hair. He threw his head back in solace, letting you massage his scalp softly.

You chuckle at his reaction, stopping your actions which made him lift his head up immediately, giving you a kittenish angry face. “Why’d you stop.”

“Because it’s been an hour since you got here and all we do is dance around the subject,” you say as you move off of him. You turn sideways, leaning against the armrest of your couch while you drape your legs over his lap and sigh.

After deciding that Yeonjun would go first, he told you everything. From the progress he has made with his therapist to the baffling information of his mother selling Choi Enterprises and moving closer to the Uni for him. He told you about their relationship and his interest in the fashion industry. He’s been spending time with his friends in the dance studio again after years of neglecting his hobby and his grades are improving drastically compared to last year too.

He’s been doing well both mentally and socially. Even though he still has his bad days, he’s a lot happier than he was before. You listened attentively asking questions and making sure you understood every detail to your best ability.

When it was your turn to start talking, you realize just how sadistic your exchange was now that you’re explaining the details out loud. You told him about the crazy schedules, spending days from 8 am to 10 pm in the lab, neglecting your health just to forget about your heartache. You were being brutally honest, and you saw Yeonjun’s jaw clench at the revelation.  

If he knew you were having such a hard time, he would’ve contacted you more, but you explained to him how the experience made you stronger, harder and less of a cry baby.  

You spoke about your new gained independence and soon realized that, where Yeonjun needed emotional cradling, you needed to be hit with the real world without the safety net that your friends and parents always provided for you.

The two of you had been talking for over two hours, and finally came to the inevitable question.

“So…what does that make us.” You sigh as you played with his fingers.  

“Really, the ‘what are we’ question?” he chuckled, watching you play with the ring on his index finger.

“Well. Do you have an answer?” you mumble, letting go of his hand.

“I’m yours,” he says, putting his hand on your thigh while his other hand tugged on your chin to make you look up at him.

Your eyes grew in size, swallowing harshly when his fingers moved from your chin to caress your cheek. “And I don’t want to take things slow anymore, I love you too much to relive the dating phase."

“Me too,” you agree with determination. He smirked contently, leaning into you to feverishly kiss you on the lips.

“You know what that was?” He asks as he pulls away with his face still in close proximity.

“What?” you question with a giggle.

“Our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.”  

You slap his chest, bursting into laughter at his cheesiness. The sound of your laughs and giggles filled the room as he started to kiss you all over your face and neck, leaving you breathless and ticklish at his touch

“I love you, Choi Yeonjun, but I think you have an important basketball game to get to.”

Of course they won.  

Yeonjun made the winning point which meant he had something to brag about all night.

You were at a local diner with all of the boys, their teammates, and respective girlfriends or boyfriends. Drinking, talking, and overall having a good time.

When Mia, Ryujin, Soobin, Taehyun, Beomgyu and Hueningkai heard the news about your new relationship status, they basically congratulated you as if you announced that you were getting married.  

The whole thing was just way too funny, and Yeonjun dragged you around all night to introduce you to everyone.  

The freshman on the team were so confused when Yeonjun introduced you as his girlfriend because they had never heard of or seen you before.  

“Hyung, Imma be honest with you, I kinda thought you were gay.” Sunghoon admits as he apologetically scratched the back of his head.

“…S-same” Heesung states, looking at you both with apologetic eyes as well.

Yeonjun looked at them a little funny as he burst into laughter, pulling you closer to him. “Why?”  

“Because well, we haven’t seen you with a girl all year, and with the way you look, I don’t know. 1+1 was gay I guess.” Jay, another freshman explained their point of view a little further, which had you cackling at the situation.

“Oh my god, so you little shits were the ones spreading rumors about me and Wooyoung!?”  

“N-no! NO!” The kids protested, but Yeonjun was already playfully grabbing them by their collars to scold them.

You laughed at the whole ordeal, love emitting from your eyes as you watched Yeonjun be in his popular guy element again.

You zoned out for a bit, absentmindedly listening to how Beomgyu and Hueningkai were telling a story about that one time they took Yeonjun’s car for a joyride in the middle of the night without his permission.  

Yeonjun noticed your mental absence, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his chest, softly kissing your temple.

“What’s wrong?”  

You shake your head, sentiment getting the better of you. This is the most complete you’ve felt in a while.

You kissed him with fervor, your hands lacing through his dark locks before you pulled away to place a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I’m just really happy right now,” you say as you smile at each other lovingly.

1 year later.

Graduation was around the corner.

It was insane how fast time flew. You celebrated your first-year anniversary with Yeonjun the night before and were now laying in his bed the next morning, slowly waking up just to feel the soreness of what he did to you last night.

You groaned in agony at the bright light, even after all this time; you still weren’t a morning person.

You noticed how Yeonjun was missing from the bed, so you got up to look for him. Putting on his large shirt to cover yourself as you made your way to the boys’ living room.

Soobin was on the couch with Taehyun and Hueningkai looking you up and down with disapproval.

“Jesus. Did you get hit by a truck in there?” Taehyun asks as he clicked his tongue.

“Shut up smart-ass. Where’s Yeonjun?”  

Taehyun chuckled, being completely used to your grumpiness in the morning by now. If Yeonjun wasn’t staying at your place, you were staying at theirs; so they were more accustomed to having you around like this.  

“He said he had to run a quick errand; he’ll be back soon,” Soobin replies with light amusement in his eyes at how roughed up you looked.

“Hey, next time…be a little more quiet.” Beomgyu tells you as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.  

“My room is next to Yeonjun’s you know.”

“Oh shut up hyung, I hear you and Ryujin almost every night,” Hueningkai says rolling his eyes, which made you crack your first smile of the day.

“Oh nooo, not my pure baby Hueningie” Soobin pouted as he trapped Kai in between his legs for a hug.

“Hyung, you’re gonna have to let go soon. Literally. When you guys graduate you don’t get to live here and baby me anymore.” Hueningkai protests as he tries to push Soobin off of him.

Soobin pouted, making you immediately feel bad for him. 

When Yeonjun and Soobin would move out, Jay and Heesung would move in, which meant that Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai had to hold down the fort as seniors for one more year until they graduated, and the thought alone made Soobin feel uneasy.

Soobin and Mia were officially moving in together after graduation. They had planned their whole futures together and both had job offers in the city from their internships.

“I’ll still come over…every…weekend. You know, just to make sure.”

You drift off into thought, realizing how Yeonjun and yourself have been living your lives in the moment without concrete plans for the future together.

Since your apartment was off-campus you still got to live there after graduation. You had gotten an amazing job offer because of your research at Brown, which had major corporations battle it out with outrageous contracts, salaries, and promises to your favor so your options were most definitely open.

Your future looked bright, as did Yeonjun’s who’d be working as a Creative Director for his mothers’ luxury brand...but how did you two miss the mark on planning a future together?

Were you that caught up in your own world to realize that adult decisions had to be made soon?

Yeonjun walked in, interrupting your thoughts. “Oh, hey guys.”

He set his keys on the kitchen counter, giving you a funny look. “I texted you to get ready.”

“Oh..shit, I didn’t check my phone, Sorry. Give me 20 minutes.”

You didn’t question why he wanted you to get ready, he’d probably take you out for breakfast or some shit, so you weren’t suspecting anything, but Yeonjun could sense that something was off about you.

During the car ride to your unknown destination, he looked at you as you stared out of the window. You were lost in deep thought about the whole graduation thing and didn’t even notice how the houses on the streets were starting to get ridiculously big as you drove further and further into a random neighborhood

He grabbed your hand, kissing the inside of your palm while rubbing those comforting circles into your skin.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, trying to look at the road while also looking at you from time to time.

“I’m just…worried about life after graduation. I don’t like change.”

Yeonjun raised his brows in surprise, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he turned the corner into a brand-new built street filled with massive villas.

The neighborhood looked peaceful, not too flashy and private. Maybe even a little too perfect to be real.

He pulled up to a random house, parking his car on the driveway. The confusion was evident on your face as he opened the door for you, reaching out to take your hand.

He helped you out of the car and you give him a look, chuckling at his awkwardness. “Uh…are we here to see someone?”

He sighed, back hugging you and leaning his head on your shoulder as the both of you looked up at the house.

“What do you think of this place?”

“It’s…beautiful. But I don’t really get why we’re here.” You giggle as you feel him kiss your neck and you turn around to face him, trying to find answers in his eyes.

“If you want…we can stay here.” He bit his lip nervously. “You know, after graduation.”

“W-what? I’m confused. Like Till The End of Summer?”

He shook his head, laughing once again while snaking his arms around your waist at your innocence and obliviousness. “You’re so cute,” he muses, pulling out a set of keys from his pocket and suddenly realization hit you as pure shock takes over your features.  

He bought the fucking house.  

He couldn’t help but laugh at your shocked Pikachu face. He had been planning this behind your back for so long and it was incredibly hard to keep this a secret, especially since literally everyone knew about it but you.  

You didn’t know what to do or say, completely frozen and shocked as you look at the house with big watery eyes.  

He pulled you in for a deep and passionate kiss, giving you the keys to the front door with a big smile.  

“Till the End of Our Lives.”  

Bonus Chapter 15

[walkerismychoice]

Queen of My Heart - Chapter 38 (The End!)

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake X MC, Liam X Olivia, Hana X OC Lydia

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The show comes to and end, and Riley contemplates her future

Author’s Note: I can’t believe I’ve finally brought this series to an end. There was quite a long time I thought I may never finish. I want to thank all the readers and friends who’ve read and encouraged me along the way. I want to especially thank @debramcg1106 as of late for helping me work through the ending and pushing me to finish it out. This is the technical end of the story, but I do have an epilogue planned as well.

Tag List: @khakie4 @dreadpirateemma @ritachacha @blackcoffee85 @choices-fanatic @boneandfur @butindeed @simplyaiden-blog @bobasheebaby @traeumerinsworld @theroyalweisme @umccall71 @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @enmchoices @withice @viktoriapetit @mfackenthal @drakesfiance @drakelover78 @speedyoperarascalparty @silviasutton1989 @krisnicjack @devineinterventions2 @choiceswreckedme @notoriouscs @blackcatkita @hamalu @akrenich @drakewalkerfantasy @jamielea81 @andy-loves-corgis @jlouise88 @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @i-miss-trr @dragonball-luver @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14

Word Count: 2230

Queen of My Heart Chapter Index

Due to everything that transpired, filming of the finale was delayed two weeks. Riley was grateful for the time and hardly left Drake’s side during his recovery. He was sent back to the palace after a couple days, and Riley had to convince him that whiskey was not a suitable replacement for the antibiotics and pain medication the doctor prescribed. Reluctantly he obliged. He worked with physical therapy, and by the end of those two weeks, you’d have hardly known he’d been injured at all.

Olivia was salty her ball had been ruined, but the production staff made up for it, giving her and Liam an overnight filmed at Olivia’s northern Lythikos retreat. She was still worried the country would favor Riley with Liam, but Kat assured Olivia between her heroic actions, personal growth, and some favorable editing, it would be hard for most people not to be on her side.

As for Madeleine, it was still unclear if she would be charged criminally or would be incompetent to stand trial due to her mental health, but either way, she wouldn’t be a danger to anyone for quite some time. It was questionable if Jo’s involvement in the whole thing broke any laws. She wasn’t Cordonian, so she couldn’t be charged with treason for skirting security and endangering the life of the crown prince, but authorities were looking to see if there was anything they could make stick. At the very least she was blacklisted and would never work in television again.

So finally, on a calm, clear, day, there was only one obstacle left. Riley met with Liam, adorned in a stunning, body-hugging, Swarovski crystal filled dress, to put on the performance of a lifetime and act as if he’d shattered her heart. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. There were a couple of takes where neither of them could keep a straight face followed few that were unbelievably dramatic, but ultimately Riley was able to tap into her vulnerability and the tragedy she had faced to bring genuine emotion and tears to light. It didn’t matter that it was unrelated to what was happening in the scene, it was real. Kat said it was perfect, and Liam was free to propose to Olivia.

-----

Now that all is said and done, who will Liam choose to be his future Queen? Will it be the fierce Duchess Olivia, or the plucky newcomer Riley? Stay tuned for the finale of Queen of My Heart.”

Maxwell draped his arm around Riley’s shoulder. “What do you think, sis? How did I do on my television debut.”

Maxwell, Bertrand, Savannah, Hannah, Lydia, Liam, Olivia, Riley, and Drake were all huddled in the palace screening room to watch the finale as it aired.

Just about anyone would have been an improvement over Chad,” Riley teased, ”but the squid suit was definitely a nice touch. Your delivery was great, but did you have to call me plucky?”

“You know I had to play it cool,” Maxwell explained. “Plucky is good, but not over the top. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m playing favorites because you’re my sister.”

Riley rolled her eyes. “The suggested ‘noble newcomer’ would have been sufficient.”

“It was a stylistic choice.” Maxwell made a gesture with his hand indicating a mock hair flip.

"Ugh, enough about Maxwell," Olivia groaned. "I'm ready to get to the good part. Can we just fast-forward through any mushy Liam and Riley stuff? Nobody needs to see that."

"I second that." Drake raised his hand in rare agreement with Olivia.

Liam just shook his head. "I know nobody watches live network television anymore, so you must have forgotten how this works. There's no fast-forwarding. Not even through commercials."

"That's fine with me." Lydia chimed in. "More time for making out."

"Lydia!" Hannah's cheeks turned a deep shade of pink.

Lydia pecked her on the lips. "Sorry babe. You're just too damn cute when you blush."

Hannah remained quiet but her smile gave her away. Lydia, with her outgoing, bold, and slightly unpredictable personality, was the perfect complement to Hannah being so shy, proper, and focused. They brought out the best in each other, and the difference in Hannah between when Riley met her until now was night and day.

The friends watched the show and Riley only cringed at herself in a few places, which was much less than she thought she would. Things did get a bit awkward during the montage of kissing scenes between Riley and Liam, and Maxwell and Bertrand made a show of covering their eyes for the steamier parts. They all laughed inappropriately when Liam dumped Riley since they knew it wasn't real. And then finally when Liam proposed to Olivia, everyone cheered.

Riley thought of her friends and family at home. She pictured aunt Susan, Sarah, and Daniel all rooting for her and how disappointed they must have been that she "lost." She couldn't wait to tell them, however, she hadn't lost at all.

"Wow, Livvy." Drake quipped, bringing Riley out of her deep thoughts. "How much did you have to pay them to give you such a flattering edit?"

Olivia threw a pillow at his head which he deftly dodged. "Fuck off, Walker. You were so desperate to get on the show, you leapt in front of a bullet."

"Now, now children." Liam said in a mock scolding tone. "Let's all play nice."

"Yes, father," Drake and Olivia replied in unison, causing laughter to erupt around the room.

Riley still didn't have all the answers about what her future would hold, but she had found her people. Where she was in that moment was where she needed to be.

Savannah yawned. "It's getting late. We should probably go and relieve the sitter." Riley hasn't wanted to pry into Savannah and Bertrand's relationship, but they were working together to parent Bartie and things seemed to be falling into place for them.

"Yes, yes." Bertrand agreed. "Time is money!"

"Oh my god, Bertrand." Savannah rolled her eyes. "Life isn't all about money."

"She’s right." Maxwell propped his arm on Savannah's shoulder. "Besides, now that the show is over, we'll be getting some money, and Kat said if viewers responded well to me, they would probably offer to extend my contract in the franchise. By the looks of these tweets, I'm going to be rolling in dough. 'That Maxwell guy is so hot...ridiculously funny...just what the show needed.' Should I read more?

"Please no." Bertrand groaned. "We can talk finances later. Goodnight, all."

As the rest of the crowd dwindled, Liam asked Drake and Riley to stay behind. He kissed Olivia and promised to join her when the conversation was through.

"So what's up?" Drake got right to the point once only the three of them remained.

Liam cleared his throat. "Well as you know, I highly value your loyalty to the crown."

"Heh." Drake let out a terse laugh. "I don't really give a fuck about the crown, but I do care about you."

"In any case, you take your job very seriously and I could see you as head of the guard one day, once Bastien retires." Liam paused before continuing. "However, I do have another proposition for you."

Drake raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Go on."

"How would you like to be the head of Valtoria?" Liam asked expectantly.

Drake' eyes narrowed in contemplation. "I thought Valtoria was unoccupied. Is there a new Duke or Duchess there now that needs a security detail?"

"No, no." Liam laughed. "Well, there could be. That's what I'm trying to ask you. I would like to give Valtoria to you."

"No fucking way. You have to be kidding me. Did you sign up for some royal version of a prank show now?" Drake scanned the room as if searching for hidden cameras.

"I'm serious, Drake. I think you would make a fantastic duke."

Drake scoffed. "I'm a commoner who despises most nobles and everything the monarchy stands for."

"That's exactly why you'd be perfect for the role." Liam explained. "Cordonia needs a fresh perspective - someone who can resonate with the people the monarchy serves. Just think, you could have a real voice in creating change. I don't want to rule like my father has and his father before. I want the people to have the representation they deserve, and you are a key to that."

Drake sighed deeply. "I don't know Li. Even if I could do this - if I wanted to - what makes me worthy? What's everyone going to say when they find out you gave an average dude the title of Duke just because he's your best friend?"

"I'll tell them that Drake Walker is anything but average. He's smart, capable, and fiercely loyal. He's saved my life more times than I count and has more integrity than anyone I know. Public policy can be learned, but these qualities cannot be taught. He may not be noble by blood, but he is my family, and he belongs."

'Wow, Liam." Drake ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to say."

"You're quiet over there." Liam directed at Riley. "What do you think?"

"Me?!" Riley had been as shocked by this as Drake, and she didn't know what to think. This was about Drake, not her. Did her opinion really matter? "I, uh.... think this is really Drake's decision."

Drake took Riley's hands in his. "But it's yours too. I mean, if we are going to be together..."

"Oh, well..." How was Riley supposed to help Drake decide such a life altering thing when she didn't even have her own life sorted out?

Drake didn't leave her fumbling for too long. "Liam, I really don't know if either of use is equipped to answer this question right now. It's a very generous offer, and the fact that I'm not totally shutting you down for suggesting such a ridiculous thing as me being a Duke should tell you I'm genuinely willing to entertain the idea."

Liam chuckled. "I completely understand. This life is new to both of you in different ways, and to navigate a new relationship on top of all that is a lot to ask. I'm in no hurry to fill the vacancy. Consider it an open-ended invitation. I trust that you'll be ready to make your decision long before the public pressures me into making a new appointment."

"Thanks, Liam." Drake gave him hug and patted him on the back. "Now get back to your fiancé before she blames me for keeping you too long."

-----

Back in her palace guestroom, Riley nestled into Drake, her head resting on his chest. "It's been quite a night, huh?

"You could say that again." Drake pulled her tighter against him.

"I kind of feel like we're moving so fast, we're skipping steps - like we're being asked to decide the rest of our lives before we even know what we want to do tomorrow." Riley knew nobody was outright asking for an immediate decision, but she felt the weight of everyone's expectations. Whether she stayed in Cordonia or went back home, she'd probably be disappointing someone.

"Who says we have to?" Drake asked. "You heard Liam. He doesn't need an answer right away. I Know you haven't decided what you want, and I sure as hell don't know what I'm going to do yet. Why don't we take some time together to just...be. Do normal couple things and see where the relationship takes us."

"Normal couple things... I mean I don't know how I can go back to my normal peasant life after attending weekly balls dressed in couture gowns," Riley teased, "but I think I could make that sacrifice for you, my commoner boyfriend."

"Hey, watch who you are calling commoner." Drake pinned Riley down and tickled her sides until she begged him to stop, and he collapsed beside her again. "I just may outrank you soon if I so choose."

Riley laced her fingers through Drake's. "It's crazy to think how our lives have changed in a few short months. I don't think I could have made it through all of this without you, and not just because you kept literally saving my life."

"You may not have taken a bullet for me, but you've saved me too. For once in my life, I see multiple paths with meaning and purpose. I've seen so much of myself reflected in you, but it id the version of me I want to be, not the one I was. You've shown me trials and hardships don't have to make you bitter, and that you don't have to fit the cookie cutter mold to find your place here... Oh, God, listen to me. What have you done to me Bennett?" Drake shuddered in mock disgust.

Riley softly pressed her lips to his and pulled back with a smirk. "I don't think I can take all the credit, or the blame as you might put it. But enough talk about the future. You said we should focus on the now, and right now all I need is you."

"Well then, your wish is my command." Drake pulled Riley tight to him and then they lost themselves in each other, completely unencumbered by any decisions about their future. Those could wait for another day.

[thosewickedlovelies]

ummm actually, please say MORE about them because inquiring minds (me) would like to know tbh <3

@patternedlantern you are the best kind of enabler and I love you for it ❤

Okay, so I cannot for the life of me find the original post, but Rancher Boys will eventually be a fic based on the tags of my Jack Daniels x Reader x Javier Peña post. A SUMMARY:

Jack Daniels, Traumatized Secret AgentTM, actually gets the therapy he needs and decides, after one close call too many, that he wants to live for a little while longer, actually. So he leaves Statesmen, acquires some land, and founds a ranch with an integrated therapy program. It’s meant to be a sort of in-between place. They specialize in people like Jack once was: former military or government agents, struggling with living a normal life again. Admittants can live onsite and they gain work experience on the ranch while undertaking their treatment program. (Listen. I dont know how ranches or therapy programs work. Liberties are being taken).

ENTER JAVIER PEÑA

This an AU in that Javi has been transplanted into contemporary times. But I’m imagining him with a very similar career background- now scarred and haunted in the same way. So he’s in Tennessee with Chucho, doing Ranch Stuff (maybe they traveled to a farm show or smthn), when he encounters the folks and animals from Jack’s Therapy Ranch (name as yet undetermined lkjasdf). But instead of just. Asking for a job. Javi decides to go undercover as a patient, to make sure this place the real deal.

ENTER YOU

You’ve been a ranch hand at Jack’s place for about a year. You’re not a counselor or psychologist of any kind, just one of the normal ranch hands- but somehow, you see through Javi’s charade pretty quickly, and he ends up confiding in you. Jack, meanwhile, has always been a little sweet on you- it started out as the same exuberant affection he shows everyone, but gradually softened into something you both can feel is genuine, especially when no one is looking. To Javi, however, Jack is always advertising a reason to look- which makes it impossible for him not to be 1) constantly annoyed at the cowboy’s brash antics, and 2) simultaneously endeared by the way Jack so obviously adores you and 3) aroused by Jack’s deft hand with that lasso

It’s currently mostly disjointed snippets that I have to connect somehow, but i do be having New Blorbo Brainrot :’)

[inadequate-nefelibata]

Another snippet from the fic that went from “What if Daniel teached Johnny how to cook and be a better bf + dates with Camen” to “What is going with Carmen in her life + sometimes Johnny and Daniel cook”.  saved as “Carmen with a patient”.

----------

"Let me know if anything hurts, okay?"

Her patient – a girl who broke her arm in a handball match accident – nods.

Carmen helps her carefully place her arm in the correct position for taking the x-rays. From the corner of her eye, she checks the girl’s expression for any sign of discomfort. Sometimes teens like to play it tough in an effort to rush the process along.

"So, if everything looks good, this’ll be your last week with your cast. Are you excited?"

The girl scoffs softly.

"Oh yeah. I can’t wait to get this fucking thing off."

"Anna! Language", says her mom from behind Carmen’s back.

It’s a lucky thing that that’s where she is, because from there she can’t see her face breaking into a grin. Anna sees her, though, and her eyes now have that twinkle kids get whenever the ‘nice nurse lady’ lets them get away with things like that.

Carmen clears her throat, and puts on her best professional voice.

"She should be back to using her arm normally in a few days, but no handball yet, okay?" She makes eye contact with Anna for that last part, and sees her face fall.

"What? But I need to get back in shape as soon as possible. I can’t let that bitch Nancy-"

"Anna"

"Fine. I can’t let my good team member Nancy", and she gives Carmen a conspiratorial look, "steal my glory. She’s been trying to replace me since the beginning, and this accident is her chance."

Her mom comes closer and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Honey, I know that you’re frustrated. But you can’t rush the process. The doctor said you are going to need at least a few weeks of physical therapy before you can start playing again."

The girl is pouting now, and Carmen has a strong feeling that she would be crossing her arms if she could.

She looks her in the eyes and gives her a sympathetic look.

"Anna, think about it this way. Right now, you’re not fully recovered, so your arm is a lot weaker than it used to be. And you want to make an impression on your team, right?" Anna nods. "Okay, I promise you, if you give physical therapy your best, those girls won’t know what hit them. Especially Nancy". 

At that, the girl’s face breaks into a grin.

"Yeah, I bet she’s getting so comfortable, now that she’s playing without any real competition. Hah. I’ll show her."

Carmen and her mom look at each other and laugh.

Once Anna has put her sweater back on, her mom sends her ahead to get something to eat, and then she turns to Carmen.

"I don’t know how you did that. She’s so competitive! I can never get her to relax. But you knew exactly what to say. Thank you."

The compliment takes her by surprise.  She had forgotten how it felt to be on her element like this.  

"Oh, it’s nothing. And don’t worry, before you know it, she’ll be back to her usual activities. Did you have any luck finding someone for her rehabilitation?"

Anna’s mom sighs.

"Oh, you know, we’ve seen a few people, all very nice. And I’m sure they’re good too. But I worry that they won’t be able to make my daughter listen to them. They just seem to be missing something, you know?" She stares at her thoughtfully for a moment. "I guess they don’t have what you have."

Carmen laughs in surprise. She looks at her feet in embarrassment.

"Well, you’re really making me blush here."

"Really, you should give yourself more credit, not everyone’s as good as you. I’m just saying, if you ever want to try your hand at physical therapy…"

Carmen looks at her in surprise.

"Anyway, I think I’ll get out of your hair now. I’m sure you’re very busy. Thank you again, for everything."

Carmen manages to give her a reassuring smile and a wave, but her mind is still stuck on…

Physical therapy…I could be good at that.

[dameronology]

tea & whiskey {jack daniels x reader} - 4

summary: it’s the morning after the night before. time for a very awkward conversation.

warnings: warnings, very very brief alluding to smut but rly only if u squint 

song for this chapter is best friend by rex orange county! also the series masterlist can be found through the link to my main masterlist in my bio :) enjoy!

- jazz

You were’t sure what you needed more the next day: painkillers, to help your hangover or another round of drinks, to help you forget what you’d done night before. 

Or should I say - who you had done the night before. 

You didn’t sleep with your co-workers, much less your boss. God, it was almost as bad as if you’d slept with Merl - no, you couldn’t even let your brain go there. You’d already thrown up twice that morning (once into Jack’s toilet and then once into the subway tracks) and you didn’t need to make yourself do it again. Your stomach was churning and it felt as though the Blue Man Group were rehearsing their drum set in your frontal lobe. You’d tried to nurse it with a large block coffee and a half a packet of painkillers but alas, to no success. 

Somehow, though, your physical pains were the least of your worries. The fact you’d snuck out of Jack’s apartment and left without a word was playing over and over again in your head - so much so, that you almost didn’t come into work. Almost. Not even this situation was enough to make you take a day off. 

‘Is there a reason you’ve been stood outside the office for fifteen minutes, agent?’ You jumped at the sound of Champ’s voice. He glanced between the Starbucks coffee in his hand and the bruise around your left eye (fuck, you’d forgotten about that), quirking an eyebrow. ‘Rough night?’

‘No.’ You quickly answered. ‘Sir.’

‘So you what...walked into a door?’

Got drunk, tried to square up to a guy, got punched and then fucked my boss - thanks for asking. 

‘Yeah.’ You nodded. ‘I’m not normally clumsy but I forget that doors in America...go the other way? You know, drive on the other side of the road, use a different weight system, doors that go-’

‘- you can stop now, Percival.’ Champ cut you off. ‘Make sure you look after yourself.’

‘Right.’ You nodded. ‘Thank you.’

With the agent staring you at expectantly, you had no choice but to go into the office. You forced a smile, using your weight to budge open the door and step inside. 

The sound of your heels against the floor announced your entrance; the faint smell of Jack’s aftershave wasn’t normally that noticeable, but that morning, it wasn’t doing you any favours. You stood in the door way for a moment, letting it shut behind you as your eyes landed on the cowboy. 

He didn’t even look at you. Why wasn’t he looking at you? Fuck, had you upset him-

‘Nice of you to make an appearance, Percy.’ He suddenly spoke, flashing you a smile as he tore his eyes away from his computer screen. ‘How’s the shiner? Your buddy sure did pack a punch, huh?’

‘Uh, yeah.’ You blinked in surprise. ‘It’s fine, a little sore.’

‘You should pop down the lab on your break. Ginger will sort it out in no time.’ He leant back in his chair. 

‘Are we just not gonna talk about the fact we slept together last night?’ 

Jack suddenly jumped in surprise, eyes widening. Right, clearly not. 

‘I was trying to find a way to bring up such a sensitive subject.’ He replied. ‘But I guess I don’t gotta worry.’

You sighed as you walked over to your desk, placing your bag down and taking a seat. Fuck, your head was killing. You rubbed your eyes and cleared your throat, forcing yourself to continue the difficult conversation you’d just unwittingly started. You got the vibe that people in the South probably didn’t talk about sex so crudely. Twenty-something years of hanging around Eggsy Unwin had de-sensitised you to the idea of it being a taboo subject. 

‘I’m sorry I left this morning without saying anything.’ You sheepishly murmured. ‘When I do stuff like that, it’s usually with random guys I found in a bar.’

The biggest question that kept playing over and over in your head was why? 

Why Jack? You’d rebuffed Tequila’s advances before he could even finish the damn sentence and yet you’d slipped into bed with Jack with ease. It was probably to do with the fact he’d been such a good kisser, and the rest did not disappoint. It had been good. Really good. Possibly the best you’d ever had, actually. He’d said at the beginning of the night that he was going to help you kick back and chill out and...yeah, he’d done a pretty good job. 

‘It doesn’t affect me, sugar.’ Jack shrugged. ‘I don’t see why it has to change anything between us.’

Of course. Had you forgotten who you were talking to? This was Whiskey, the biggest flirt at the fucking agency. He’d probably had a different girl the night before you, and he was probably going to have somebody else tonight. He hadn’t said or done anything that could have lead you to believe it meant something more. Sure, you’d become friends and saw each other day and yeah, he drove you home sometimes because he didn’t want you to walk home in the dark and he had invited you out to help you de-stress when you needed it most. 

Did you like Jack? Did you want it to be something more? Did the last few weeks all....add up to something? Then again, maybe he was just being nice. Maybe he was just looking out for you, because you were a young woman, alone in the city. Perhaps last night had just been...a fluke. A glitch in the system. A wobble in what was otherwise a completely professional relationship.

‘No, you’re right.’ You nodded, scratching the back of your neck. It really felt like you should have said something more, because it felt like something more. ‘It didn’t mean anything.’

He quirked a brow at you. ‘So we’re good?’

You forced a smile. ‘Better than ever, Whiskey.’ 

You’d had one night stands before. They were standard, really - but it was rare you found yourself thinking about them the next day. Something between you just worked. You couldn’t put your finger on it, in the same way you couldn’t spell out the sudden urge to kiss him last night, but some things just couldn’t be explained. Your attraction to him certainly couldn’t be - he was older, used the worst nicknames and spoke to you entirely in Southern metaphors. But, as aforementioned, he’d also looked after you.

Maybe that was what you needed. Maybe it was what you wanted-

- You stopped yourself there. No time to unpack all of that, especially when you were this hungover and spent most of your waking hours spitting fire about how independent you were. You’d had Tequila pinned to the wall less than twelve hours ago for trying to make move on you.  It was probably something to save for therapy (which was on your to-do list). 

The tension in the room felt a little more reflective of a fight between a couple than it did of two friends who had casually slept together the night before. Normally, the room was just calm, filled with the only sounds of you two occasionally cracking jokes or your fingers desperately tapping away at your respective computers. Now? It was tense. Suffocatingly so, as though it could have swallowed you whole. 

‘I’m gonna get more coffee.’ You announced, abruptly. ‘And I guess I’ll pay Ginger a visit to sort out this annoying fucking bruise. You want anything from Starbucks?’

‘Didn’t you just go?’ He observed. 

‘Yeah, but I want some fresh air.’

As you passed Jack’s desk on the way out, he reached out and grabbed your hand, quickly tangling your fingers in his. He peered up at you, brow furrowed - you were off. He knew you were off. He’d proven time and time again over the last month that he could read you like a fucking book. You were a clown for thinking that he wouldn’t notice the fact you’d completely retracted into yourself, or that you’d suddenly from from Jack to Whiskey. 

‘You’re annoyed at me.’ He observed.

‘I’m not annoyed at you.’ You didn’t try to pull your hand back. ‘I’m annoyed at...myself, I guess.’

‘Why?’ 

‘Because I let last night happen.’ You explained. ‘I shouldn’t have made a move on you, I shouldn’t have broken every professional boundary between us for one night of meaningless-’

‘- what if it wasn’t meaningless?’

You froze, suddenly snatching your hand back. What were you meant to say to that? You couldn’t work out if you wanted it to mean something. There was so much to untangle but your main concern was sorting out your sore nose and banging head ache. 

‘Jack...’ you murmured. ‘I can’t talk about this right now. My head is on fire and my nose is fucking purple.’

He stood up, reaching for his jacket. ‘C’mon then, I’ll take you down the lab.’

‘I can get there myself, really.’

‘D’you know where it is, sugar?’

‘I can work it out.’ You shot back. ‘I’m smart-’

Before you could finish your sentence, he had a hand on the small of your back and was guiding you out the room and down the hall. That was new; he hadn’t really shown you any signs of physical touch - excluding last night, obviously - but the progression felt...natural. Heck, Jack hadn’t even realised he was doing it, and you didn’t feel the urge to complain or push him off.

That was probably saying something. 

--

‘There we go.’ Ginger murmured, slowly dabbing at the bruise with...something. ‘Good as new.’

You felt as good as new. After putting a weird paste on your nose and forcing some fancy, top-of-the-range painkillers down your throat, your hangover was gone and your nose was no longer stinging. You’d been out here thinking that Kingsman had been far ahead with their medical technology, but this place made it look Victorian. You were tempted to ask if they had an amnesia-inducing medication that could make you and Jack forget the events of last night, but then you realised something.

You didn’t want to forget.

‘Thank you, Ginger.’ You smiled. ‘I really appreciate it.’

‘What did you do to end up with a busted nose and black eye, anyways?’ Ginger raised her eyebrows. 

‘Our girl tried to deck a man twice her size because she thought he was following a woman into the bathroom.’ Jack replied, gently rubbing your shoulder. That’s fine. That was totally fine. You were fine. 

‘I had the right intentions.’ You muttered. ‘Anyways - Calahan isn’t gonna catch himself, so I gotta get back to work. Thank you again, G.’

That was code for Jack and I are about to have a very awkward conversation. To be frank, you would have begrudgingly left at the whole ‘it didn’t mean anything’ point, but he’d been the one to push it, to float out the idea that it could mean something. You’d thought it, but he’d been the one to say it. That was the huge difference between the two of you. You could compartmentalise your feelings when they proved to be an inconvenience. Jack Daniels, however, was...brash. When he felt something, he had to say it. It was a blessing and a curse. 

You both walked back to your office in silence, once again with Jack’s hand resting on the small of your back. He knew you didn’t need looking after - hell, you’d proved that ten times over - but it almost like he was keeping an eye on you. He’d seen you square up to two different men in the last twenty four hours. It was for your safety, really. 

The minute the door had shut behind you both, that tension immediately returned. This time, however, there was a little hint of excitement. Anticipation, maybe. 

‘So...’ you trailed off, leaning against your desk. Awkwardly playing with your hands, you peered over at him. ‘Let’s recap: we slept together, I snuck out, we said it didn’t mean anything and then two seconds later, you retracted that statement.’

‘I didn’t retract it.’ Jack insisted. ‘I was just reading your signals - which are confusing as fuck, by the way, sweetheart - because you were the one who walked out.’

‘My signals?’ You scoffed. ‘You were the one who invited me out the in first place! And the one who drives me home every damn night so I don’t have to walk alone!’

‘You’re the one who’s being as skitterish as a calf at a goddamn smoke out-’

‘- as a what at a what?!’ You spluttered. ‘You’re the one calls me sweetheart all the time!’

‘Yeah, well, you’re the one who kissed me first-’

‘- just shut up a second!’ You held your finger out to him. He silenced immediately. 'I feel like we’re overcomplicating this.’

He quirked an eyebrow. ‘We are?’

‘Whi - Jack.’ You took a deep breath. ‘I am going to ask you this once, and once only. If you say no, I’ll move on and we can act like this never happened. If you say yes...we can discuss it, okay?’

‘Okay.’ He nodded. ‘Go for it.’

‘Did last night mean anything to you?’ You asked the question slowly, in the same tone you might ask a child what small object they had in their mouth. 

‘Not at first.’ Jack replied. ‘I didn’t go into it with the intention of it meaning something.’

You frowned. ‘Do go on.’

‘I was gonna come in this morning and pretend like it never happened. Then I saw you, with that stupid bruise and stupid smile and I realised that you’re brash and dumb and fucking gorgeous and ...shit, you’re spiteful as hell and I’m a little terrified of you but damn, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fucking obsessed with you.’

‘Well, shit.’ You murmured. It was the answer you’d wanted just...in a lot more words. 

For a long time, your head strong nature and inability to tolerate ninety-nine percent of the human race was something people had used a reason not to like you. But Jack? Oh, no. Not him. He saw it as a challenge, maybe. He had an urge to cut through the thorny outside and trying to see what you held on the inside. He’d see little bits of it here and there - your smile when you spoke about Eggsy, or the way you’d gone out your way to try and protect that woman - but he was determined to find more. He wanted to find more. You were an enigma, a vortex of swear words and brash decisions, and hell, you were sucking him right in.

‘You gonna say anything more than shit?’ He urged. 

You’d never been all that good with words. Didn’t actions speak louder? That’s what your mum had always said, and it had proven true in your line of work too. Punching the daylights out of someone was always a clearer threat than a concerning phone call. Pulling your weight on every mission was more proof of hard work than gloating to your uppers about your achievements.

And kissing your boss was a much clearer sign of telling him that you liked him too rather than just verbalising it.

Jack almost veered backwards when you lunged at him, just about catching you in his arms. Your lips crashed together - it was a little more desperate than last night, but then again, so was the whole situation. His arms caught you at the waist, holding you against his chest as he kissed you right back.

After a few moments, you pulled back for air. Neither of you said anything, instead choosing to just stare at each other with disbelief.

‘That was very unprofessional of me.’ You admitted. ‘But I do like you Jack and I’m worried it’s going to be a problem-’

‘- since when has mutual attraction ever been a problem?’ Jack practically snorted at the idea. ‘I like you. You like me. I don’t get what’s so complicated about that, sugar.’

‘Because it’s unprofessional! You’re my boss and I’m here to work.’ You suddenly took a step back, complex feelings finally colliding. ‘To prove myself and get a promotion!’

‘And you’re doing that just fine!’ He shot back. ‘Better than fine! You work your ass off ten times harder than any agent I’ve ever met. I don’t know how those uppity goddamn suit-makers haven’t realised what an asset you are.’

‘Are you saying that because you like me or because you mean it?’

‘Ouch.’ He murmured. ‘Even if I couldn’t stand you, I would still recognise the fact you’re one of the best agents I’ve ever seen.’

‘Wouldn’t that be an ideal world.’ You snorted. 

‘How about this?’ Jack reached forward, taking your hands in his. ‘It’s clear that whatever happens now, we probably can’t go back to how things were. I can try, but I promise you it won’t happen.’

You nodded in agreement. 

‘So, you can back track on everything we’ve just said and let it affect how we work together, or we can just lean into this whole stupid thing.’ He continued. ‘We’ll work together and play together. Two birds one stone, just until you go back to London.’ 

This was something of a rare opportunity: mutual attraction. Aside from the occasional one night stand in London, you barely had the chance to have fun. After years of hard work, maybe you deserved it. It was just...fooling around. You’d both admitted you liked one another but it was hardly a grand declaration at love. There were some feelings at stake, but not enough for you to be worried. 

‘We need ground rules.’ You replied. ‘I like you and you like me but we have to put the brakes on it there. You have to promise not to fall in love with me. Obsession only, okay?’

Jack tilted his head to the side, as if to say fair enough. ‘Sure thing. Anything else?’

‘The minute this starts to interfere with my work, I’m cutting you out.’ Your tone was a little sterner. ‘Heck, the second it happens, this stops. It’s...an addition to my work, not a replacement.’

‘As your superior...’ he said the words teasingly. You hated that you loved it. ‘I will make that doesn’t happpen.’

‘Good.’ You gave him a curt nod. ‘Then it’s settled.’

You stuck your hand out for him to shake. Jack peered down at it, almost waiting for you to retract it and break into a grin. But that didn’t happen. You were completely serious. Could he put it down to British weirdness? Probably. 

‘You drive me fucking insane.’ The cowboy grabbed your hand, yanking you towards him and capturing you in another kiss. 

tags: @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​ @imananxiousdriver​ @phoenixhalliwell​ @66wookies​ @paintballkid711​ @waatermelon-sugaar​ @hepburnwritess​ @haileyybird​ @xjaywritesx​ @jabbajambler​ @the-mandalorian-clone-lover​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @welcometothepedroverse​ @wickedmuse​ (message me if you wanna be added!) 

[luninosity]

Okay, so, some Falcon and the Winter Soldier thoughts (will have some spoilers) for episodes two and three. General non-spoilery comment first: I feel like these were both *okay* episodes - neither as good as the first, but I didn’t dislike them, either. I’m still really curious to see how we’re going to wrap this all up in three more episodes; it doesn’t feel like we’re halfway done yet!

Okay, more spoiler-y notes below the Read More, not in any real order, just as I think and type. I’ll probably forget some things, but for now, here’re some thoughts...

--I like ep 3 slightly more than ep 2, mostly because of Zemo!

--I actually really love Zemo here (I liked him in Civil War, too): complex, sardonic, enjoying poking at people, a villain we do feel sympathy for even as he’s still sharp enough to remind us that he is a villain. Daniel Bruhl has always done a fantastic job flipping between calculated cruelty, wry humor - the whole “I am a Baron” moment was great - and pain that for him is still raw, about the loss of his family. (Some things’re awfully cliche - look, the supervillain’s playing chess and reading Machiavelli in his cell? really? - but, y’know...sure. Why not. We expect some cliches in the superhero genre, and this is an inoffensive one.)

--also Zemo dancing. That’s it. That’s everything.

--moving on from that: I’m also really liking how they’re writing John Walker. He does have charm, and there’s a certain amount of sympathy - especially as we see him worrying about filling the Captain America shoes, in ep 2 - but we’re also getting this really subtle sense of wrongness about him. He’s clearly vindictive and angry when things (and people) don’t act according to his mental script for them, and he’s willing to use his name and power to do things like get Bucky released...which in context and given our sympathies for Bucky is a good thing, but...it’s also an indicator of his willingness to do what he wants, because he can. (To be fair, Steve Rogers also often did that! - but Steve earned our trust, both in narrative and character. From his first introduction to WWII leadership experience to all the Avengers stuff, Steve consistently acts to protect people, and he’ll also listen if someone else has a good idea or if someone needs to talk, like with Wanda.) So I’m really liking this slow-fuse character development.

--mixed feelings about Sharon. I love that the show’s acknowledging how much she sacrificed for our main heroes, with no reward. On the other hand, she also clearly knew the consequences that could happen; she said as much at the time. The level of bitterness seems like a lot. But I’m also interested in everything we still don’t know about her - if she’s not the Power Broker herself, she’s obviously Up To Something. So that should be fun.

--hey, look at that X-Men location, with Majipoor! Also a nod to Wolverine’s favorite bar there, I think?

--I love heist and disguise plots!

--I also really like Bucky’s having to revert to the Winter Soldier - Sebastian Stan does it so brilliantly, with so many layers of emotion: not wanting to, loathing it, recognizing the necessity, shutting off all emotion and just coldly doing it, hurting but covering it up...just fantastic, and you know I love some hurt/comfort, and this seems like such a great set-up for emotional hurt

--but! this also seems like...a weird plot hole, kind of? Bucky’s pretty famous at this point, right? I imagine the criminal underworld knows he’s been pardoned and deprogrammed, right? or do they assume Zemo, with his knowledge of Hydra, still has some special control over him?

--along the same “this seems like someone didn’t think this through” path, Sam, you’re a professional, turn off your phone on a mission. Oh my god. Face-palmingly stupid - and I think somewhat lazy writing, as the writers plainly needed a giveaway, and went for the first idea they had. Even if it made a main character look incompetent.

--the Flag Smashers and Karli are...fine. They feel very Generic Marvel Villain - not the big space alien type, but the other type, the “I have a personal loss and motivating pain so I’m a little sympathetic but also Clearly Evil, watch me kill civilians so the audience won’t ever find me TOO sympathetic” type. Meh. Fine. Zemo’s more interesting, but...fine.

--Anthony Mackie is such a fantastic actor - every bit of his reaction to the Isaiah Bradley reveal is so good. The anger, pain, frustration, ferocity...heartbreaking. Actually that whole scene is so good - his emotions at discovering this secret history are palpable, and it’s so painful, because we also understand why Bucky would keep the secret - as someone who knows about pain and trauma and being experimented on, and knowing Isaiah wants to be left alone - we feel really deeply for both characters here, and it’s great.

--I actually liked the abrupt swing from the Isaiah Bradley encounter to the casual everyday racism of the cops on the street - is it subtle, no. But it’s not meant to be: it’s meant to be standing up and shouting about how not that much has really changed, and about how pervasive racism is. I know some reviews were all, “this was just too much!” or “too forced!” but...look, it needs to be shouted sometimes for people to hear.

--Bucky’s notebook being Steve’s, oh, ouch, my feelings. If I had the time and energy to write fic...

--(also, if I had the time and energy to write dark!fic: where’re my fics in which Zemo’s implication about the Winter Soldier “doing anything you want” gets played with? what or who does Bucky have to do to keep the undercover charade going? so many Bad Wrong Kinky power dynamics and explorations of consent and what this would do to Bucky’s head, here, and honestly I’d totally read them all, just saying.)

--Sam and Bucky together...I don’t know. This is one of the elements that I’m not actually a huge fan of, but I think it’s partly a personal genre / sense of humor thing that’s not clicking for me, personally, again. Like...

--I don’t find people shouting aggrievedly at each other to be funny? I’m not sure why it is.

--I mean, I get that they’re doing, like, eighties buddy cop movies, but...it got old really fast then, and it’s not something we needed to bring back. It’s not clever, and it’s...well, shouty and annoying.

--(I say this as someone who genuinely likes the first two Lethal Weapon movies...but the significant difference is, I think, we’re also shown in both those movies that Riggs and Murtaugh care about each other. They don’t want to be partners initially, and they don’t get along initially, and they do argue over tactics**...but they immediately feel responsible for each other and act to protect each other even as they argue, because it’s the right thing to do and we’re shown moments of them awkwardly trying to connect, because they both have that deep sense of...protectiveness...that makes them Good People - like, if they learn something that the other person needs to know, they tell each other. They protect each other’s families / love interests. So by the end of the second movie, with that fabulous character death fake-out, Murtaugh’s initial shock and grief is real and powerful and painful, and so is his genuine relief when the worst isn’t true - and it’s all earned.) (**however, they tend to argue tactics *before* jumping in - “is it 1, 2, 3, go on 3? or 3, then go?” And then once that’s established, they go ahead. That makes a difference as far as...well...competence and teamwork!)

--(Sam and Bucky, as far as I can tell, don’t do the above, and just...maybe shouldn’t be working together?)

--I also don’t find grown men acting like my youngest nephew, when he’s having a temper tantrum, to be funny. Staring contests? Random insults? Sulking in silence? Oh, grow up.

--(Also, yes, writers, we see you with the “couples therapy” and “get closer and make your legs touch” and “landing on top of each other as they hit the ground” moments. I, at least, personally, am very tired of...I don’t know that I’d call it queerbaiting exactly, but this idea that we’re supposed to find these moments funny...because why? Because, ooh, they’re two men getting close to each other, physically or emotionally? Why is this a thing we need to draw attention to? Do you think you’re doing some sort of fan service? Please either make Sam/Bucky happen or stop doing this.)

--both Sam and Bucky are highly competent and professional agents, or they should be. They should know how to work in the field - even with people they may not like - and adapt to shifting strategy, make best use of available assets, include people in the plan, etc. I can’t help but compare this to something like, say, Leverage, which also has a team who mocks each other and makes jokes but clearly absolutely respects each other’s capabilities, has a plan going in and tells everyone what the plan is, and adapts (and trusts each other to adapt) on the fly as necessary, and does it all without random insults about someone’s (PTSD-related) staring and “robot brain”.

--one of the very specific moments that bothers me a lot is the ending of the therapy scene (yay for showing heroes in therapy! but also I’m pretty sure she’s...not a great therapist?). Bucky finally opens up and says something real, about his own self-doubt and wondering whether Steve was wrong about him....and Sam just...brushes it off and goes, “we’re done here,” basically. Not only does that feel wildly out of character for former counselor Sam, it feels cruel. I really deeply dislike that moment the more I think about it. Makes me want to scream.

--Sam insults Bucky way more than the other way around. It’s starting to feel very one-sided (it’d be better if more clearly reciprocal, though it’s still not a dynamic that’s my favorite), and again, feels out of character - maybe this is Anthony Mackie’s sense of humor, but Sam isn’t Mackie, and Bucky isn’t Seb, and it reads as...a weird unbalanced power-trip thing to me. And also out of character for Sam, who can be sarcastic (”If you guys eat that sort of thing,” about breakfast, when Steve and Nat have randomly shown up at his door) but that’s not the same as just throwing unprovoked insults at a person who’s trying to recover from trauma, and a lot of those insults seem to center on things that were done to Bucky, that he had no choice in (the staring, the arm, etc), and that feels....it just feels mean, to me. Make fun of things he’s had a choice in / can do something about, if you have to - hair, clothes, liking “old people’s games” like gin rummy or pinochle, not knowing who Beyonce is, I don’t know, there are so many options that aren’t cruel! Do that instead. Let Bucky have a good comeback for once, too!

--the action scenes are action scenes. Also fine.

--Sam might be right about destroying the shield, and the show may even be (unintentionally?) setting that up as the best outcome, but that’s a problem for the future, Sam; get it back first. Also it’s a problem you caused by giving the shield up - did you really trust the government to leave it unused in a museum? You’re not that naive.

--overall, it’s...a perfectly fine show, so far, I think? Solid, and interesting, but not great. I think some of what doesn’t work for me is because it doesn’t work for me personally, as far as the shouty insult-heavy action “comedy” bits that I’m not enjoying, but I think they’re doing what they aimed for with it, so in that sense, I guess it’s working? There’s a lot of really cool stuff around the edges - John Walker, Isaiah Bradley, that Dora Milaje stinger, the bigger world of a history interwoven with racism and superpowers, the chillingly effective use of Bucky’s past - but I wish I liked the central Sam-Bucky relationship more. Individually they’re wonderful - they’ve both had such powerful scenes dealing with family, trauma, and consequences - but I feel like, in the effort to do the buddy comedy dynamic, the writing has just made me really sure that they actually genuinely don’t like each other? To such an extent that if they show any affection / caring / interest in each other in the last three episodes, it won’t be believable. (I mean Sam and Bucky, not Mackie and Seb. Mackie and Seb’re adorable.)

--I just want to think about Zemo dancing some more.