#Effective Onboarding Practices

[quarecresourcespvtltd]

13 Surprising Employee Onboarding Statistics in 2023

Discover 13 surprising employee onboarding statistics in 2023 that reveal how effective onboarding boosts retention, productivity, and engagement. Learn key insights to improve your hiring strategy!

[quantummindclassicalheart]

As educator and philosopher Nel Noddings put it, "The student is infinitely more important than the subject matter." Noddings pioneered the idea of an "Ethics of care" in education, i.e. the responsibility of recognizing the needs of others and addressing those needs with competence, responsiveness, and respect.

It seems obvious to say, but the goal of education and educational structures should be learning. Used responsibly, attendance can be a tool to support equity-- if students are repeatedly missing class, that's an opportunity to reach out to them, ask if there are unseen obstacles to their learning (cf. Devon Price's Laziness Does Not Exist), and work with students to help address them if so.

When attendance itself becomes the goal, rather than a structure to support learning, something's gone wrong.

When I say “school should be disability accessible”, I don’t just mean we need handicap rails and EAs. Kids should be able to miss a day without failing out of school. You shouldn’t be dismissed from clubs because your attendance record is “spotty” (true story). I once missed an entire week of school because of a terrible, unending migraine. I was expected to keep up with my studies despite the blinding pain that came with working on my computer. When I heard my teachers say that you couldn’t miss exams, I asked what I would have to do to be excused from them. Their response? “Either get a doctor’s note an hour before the exam or death of an immediate family member.”

I cannot express how rigid this expectation was. First of all, with my condition, I wouldn’t have enough warning about my sickness to go to the doctor and request a note. For many people, this is exceptionally difficult, especially with the current shortage of medical professionals. Next, it ignores the fact that my schedule may not line with theirs because of my medical needs. Once, I had to visit a hospital a province away (which I was on the waiting list of for over a year) on the same day as an exam. I begged my mother not to take me because I was so nervous that I would be marked as an automatic fail. I was lucky enough to make it work, but that’s only because of my spectacular support system consisting of family members and wonderful doctors.

Disabilities aren’t always about needing a bus that can accommodate wheelchairs. It’s already difficult enough for many of us to maintain school attendance without the harsh punishments involved for skipping a day. We need to be able to miss school without being punished. Only than can you claim that the school is “accessible”

[ranjith11]

How a standardized Client Onboarding Process works | Standardized Client Onboarding Process

Do you want to know how a systemised onboarding process of clients can be beneficial to your business? In this comprehensive video, we delve into the world of accounting client onboarding. Discover how to seamlessly integrate the Standardized Client Onboarding Process into your accounting practice. From efficient practices to successful communication plans, we cover it all. Join us to enhance your client integration process and elevate your accounting onboarding game.

[aingeal98]

Thinking about Shauna and her allies this season. Shauna and Lottie this season making each other worse is so fascinating like Shauna doesn't believe and doesn't care she just wants the excuse to be violent and sadistic and Lottie doesn't care that Shauna doesn't believe as long as she enables her psychosis. This finale was literally everyone bar Nat, Tai and Van trying to take Lottie and Shauna out and they couldn't. But what interests me is that the reason they couldn't is that Tai stayed close to Shauna. If it was Lottie and Shauna alone the split would have never been effective, they would have just left the duo behind and gotten rescued. Tai has to join their team to sell their terrible choices as reasonable and practical and get Van onboard. Except she's driven by the same darkness they are, she's just compartmentalised it so effectively only Van can really tell.

Jackie had influence. Lottie had influence. Tai and Nat have influence. Everything Shauna tries to tell herself she accomplished with her own power was due to Lottie and Tai's support. And while she can justify Lottie's support as a clever quid pro quo, Tai's is just... Genuine friendship. She's alive because of her, she's had Tai covering for her mistakes all of the teen and adult timeline. But now Van is dead because of yet another of Shauna's mistakes, so she's lost Tai. We know Shauna can be ruthless and evil, killing and cannibalising with no hesitation. But without that safety net that Tai has always provided, how will she actually fare in the adult timeline? I'm so intrigued to find out.

[jintaka-hane]

Want You Bad

Pt. 1 Right For The Job

Masterlist

Pairing: benn beckman x!reader Summary: Starting a new job is always a challenge, especially when one of your bosses seems aloof and distant with you. What's wrong with him? Is there anything you can do to earn his trust? The story of how Benn Beckman struggles to control his attraction to you onboard. Word count: 1800 Notes: Why do I continue writing about this gentleman? Because I can't stop. This is part 1 of probably... 4. Warnings: forbidden love, oblivious to love, friends to lovers.

"Not bad," you thought, quite pleased with yourself, your eyes darting from one man to the other, trying to decipher what they were thinking.

You had just completed one of the most demanding job interviews of your life, and both the questioning and the practical test had gone rather well.

The rigorous testing and skills demonstration had encompassed various aspects aimed at evaluating your proficiency in maritime knowledge and practical abilities. This included boat handling –from small to medium-sized vessels–, understanding meteorological phenomena and their effects on sea currents, recognizing wind patterns, and managing crisis protocols at sea.

In record time and with a stopwatch in hand, you were required to display your ability to tie various maritime knots, adjust ropes, furl sails, and climb the rigging.

Questions regarding survival techniques and military medicine were also asked, inquiring about first aid procedures: cleaning wounds, disinfecting, stitching up, applying creams to burns and explosion wounds… The interviewers even asked you to apply a tourniquet to one of them.

When it came to social skills, you demonstrated that you were good at connecting with people and working in teams. You had a good sense of humor, and you were loyal if you felt your team was working for a just cause.

And lastly, you showcased your specialty: making precise shots at considerable distances. You adeptly handled various firearms, with your favorite being the revolver for its lightness and practicality. While you were somewhat less enthusiastic about swords, daggers, and other bladed weapons, you could still wield them proficiently when required. You were tasked with shooting at ten different targets, and you effortlessly hit them all without difficulty.

You had, in a manner of speaking, nailed it.

All that remained was for the two men who had interviewed you to deliberate and decide whether you would become part of the red-haired crew, or if, on the contrary, you would have to continue looking for work on other vessels docked at the pier. 

"Thanks, Y/n. Just give us a sec to discuss it, okay?," the captain said, escorting you to the door of the cabin. 

You stepped out onto the deck and settled on a bench, eagerly awaiting a response. To make the wait more entertaining, you retrieved your revolver from its holster and began to clean the gunpowder that was on it. 

The voices of the two men could faintly be heard by the door, but you couldn't quite make out what they were saying. It seemed that if they had to discuss it, one of them was in favor of you being suitable for the job, while the other was not. You could imagine who was who... as during the interview, the captain seemed enthusiastic, while the first mate remained serious and cautious. You just hoped they would reach an agreement soon.

"Well, what do you think? Shall we keep her?" asked the red-haired captain, reclining in his chair and casually placing both feet on the table.

"Not sure, Shanks..." responded the first mate with a somewhat concerned expression.

"Why not? She aced all the tests, she's perfect. Fits right in. It's a yes from me."

"Not sure..." Beckman began to pace slowly around the room, hands behind his back, deep in thought.

"What's bothering you? That she's the only woman on board? I don't think it'll be a problem for the lads, they'll know how to behave... We just gotta lay down some ground rules, and everything will stay in order," Shanks remarked.

"The third shot was almost a miss..." Beckman stopped right in front of the table where Shanks was sitting and looked him straight in the eye.

Shanks lowered his feet, sat up in his chair, and leaned towards his friend, resting his arm on the table. "The third one... and almost... in a job interview where she was probably nervous. Come on Beck, she's one hell of a sniper, Yassop will love her."

Beckman maintained eye contact with his captain, struggling to conjure any objections against hiring the woman. After some pondering, not a single negative argument came to his mind that he dared to voice aloud. The woman was exceptional, and who was he to fight against his captain's eagerness? He let out a resigned sigh.

"Is that a yes?" Shanks' smile grew so wide it almost took up his entire face.

"A’right," he conceded, crossing his arms. 

"Settled then!" Shanks said happily, hitting the table with the palm of his hand. "Let her know. Ask her to pack up and get settled on the ship today”. He rose to his feet and retrieved the cloak hanging over the back of the chair. “I'll talk to the crew to inform the lads”.

“Aye”.

Beckman stepped out onto the deck and found you sitting on the bench, still cleaning your revolver as you waited. Upon seeing him, you immediately holstered the gun and stood up, facing each other. 

An awkward silence hung between you.

With an scrutinizing glance, he studied you, slowly withdrawing a pack of cigarettes from one of his pockets and extracting one. He tapped it against the packet several times, as though he intended to compact the tobacco inside. 

His presence was imposing. You observed his rifle snugly secured to his sash, its stock pointing upward and aimed towards the ground. With just a quick glance, you could tell it was a good gun, and you wondered if he would ever let you shoot it.

He cleared his throat, and your attention snapped back to his eyes.

"The captain wants you to settle on the ship today," he said, calmly placing the cigarette in his lips after speaking.

"YES!" You jumped and clasped your hands together in excitement before immediately realizing your lack of professionalism. "...I mean... thank you!" Your smile was broad.

He withdrew a match and struck it, the flame flickering to life. With a practiced hand, he brought it to the cigarette, shielding the flame from the wind to prevent it from extinguishing. For a moment, you considered lifting your own hand to assist him. 

"Go fetch yer things; we'll set sail by mid-afternoon," he added, taking a deep drag.

You already had all your belongings waiting at home. Being a natural optimist, and fairly confident that you would impress them with your skills, you had packed your bags in case they set sail that same day. Your luggage wasn't many, nor were they numerous, as your possessions were scarce being a practical woman who liked to constantly change places to discover new horizons. A bit of practical clothing to allow you to move with agility, some slightly more formal dresses for special occasions, the two or three books you liked the most, and the heaviest to carry: your set of firearms.

"Alright, see you in a bit!" Turning around gracefully, you hurried down the gangway to disembark from the ship.

“Don't be late”, he ordered, exhaling the smoke slowly.

“I won't!”, you shouted without a backward glance.

He watched you sprint down the gangway and leap onto solid ground. You began to run along the pier and, for a moment, you stopped and turned around to see the magnificent galleon from afar. The ropes meticulously fastened, the wood clean and varnished, the cannons stowed yet poised for any confrontation; and the sails, proudly displaying the fierce image of the skull with red stripes crossing its left eye socket. You couldn't help but smile, unable to contain your happiness.

Your new home. 

The enthusiasm on your face gave you an air of innocence that could melt even the most cold-hearted man, Beckman thought, as he rested his arms on the ship's railing, watching as you drifted further away from the ship.

You were enchanting ...

Too enchanting ...

Too enchanting for him ...

And that 's what had made him hesitate. 

His foremost duty as first mate was to ensure the safety of everyone aboard, a task demanding a steady hand and a clear mind in challenging situations that could arise at sea. And he excelled at it, remaining physically and mentally composed when precision and concentration were required. He had a knack for focusing without being sidetracked and that's why Shanks and the rest of the crew relied on him.

Yet, during the interview, his concentration had wavered, his attention captured by every movement you made, captivated by the curve of your shoulders and the line of your neck as you aimed your revolver, resolute in hitting the target. Despite his extensive experience with women, he had never encountered one who, with just a single glance, could distract him so completely.

And that was a problem.

You would be a distraction.

You would be his distraction

But that wasn't reason enough to reject your application; it was his problem, not yours, and under no circumstances would he tell Shanks the truth behind his reluctant behavior, as it would only result in him laughing in his face. It was clear that you were an incredible woman, skilled in various nautical arts and prepared for combat… it was just right to accept that you were perfect for the job.

He should only maintain his professionalism and control his emotions while working with you, and perhaps ... perhaps as the days unfolded aboard, this attraction he felt for you would fade away. You would be like a challenge to him.

Shaking his head, he headed to the upper bowcastle where Shanks was delivering a speech to the men.

"Damn, if we'd crossed paths in a village tavern where I could've let loose, things would have been mighty different," he mused.  He would have scrutinized your expertise in a field entirely different from the one you had been interviewed about, with a mattress serving as the stage for the trials.

Upon reaching the spot where the men gathered, Shanks paused and glanced at him, nodding slightly as an indication for him to come up and stand beside him. Stepping among the crew, he climbed the stairs and positioned himself next to Shanks, putting his hands on his pockets as he surveyed the men.

"... and that's why nobody's, and I mean nobody, is gonna get all lovestruck over her or lay a finger on her...”

Beckman rolled his neck to loosen the muscles and relieve some tension.

“... No peeking, no hitting on her, and definitely no making her feel weird; we'll treat her with respect and keep our mitts off her, got it?"

The men buzzed with excitement at the prospect of a new shipmate. It had been ages since they'd welcomed fresh faces aboard, and they were ready to seize any excuse for a celebration. Beckman observed the scene, inhaling and exhaling smoke from his lungs with a feigned calmness.

“Hey Yassop, looks like they've got you an intern!", Roux said, giving his friend a playful slap on the back.

“I hope she can handle her booze!”

Limejuice shook his head. “Ah, yeah, that is a must, not like the last one...”.

The breeze started to softly sway the rigging, indicating that the afternoon would be favorable for sailing just as they had anticipated.

“Get ready lads! We set sail in the afternoon!”

-------------

Tag list: @i-am-vita @fanaticsnail @gingernut1314 in case you're interested!

[awkwardrocker]

I know there's a lot of Yuki hype and Liam hate happening but I think everyone is jumping the gun.

Just the same as the reporters asking Horner if they were giving up on the car and switching to 2026 designs after 2 races when one of their drivers is still 2nd in the championship.

Everyone needs to calm down.

Redbull have been saying since testing that they focused on fixing the balance and kerb issues. They seem to have done that and now it's about optimizing the car to find more pace.

Max unlocked something with the tires in that 2nd stint with the hards. I think Redbull will take that, analyze it, and apply those changes. If Liam still cannot get a handle on the car after those changes, then we should discuss a swap. But 2 races in, with limited practice (in a car with like 16 upgrades on it compared to testing), is insane. The poor kid's had 2 practice sessions in Australia (since the third was cut short due to a mechanical issue) and 1 ahead of a sprint weekend in China. He deserves time to figure it out. It should be limited but 2 races is insane guys. It seems like the tires are struggling to effectively turn on with this car and even Max struggles with it. (Listen to his onboards from the first half of his hard stint in China. He was testing everything trying to get the tires to work and stop the sliding.) Give the whole team a break. If they listened to social media, they should've quit in testing. Know who didn't quit during testing? Mclaren, last year. So chill out for like 2 second please. The team (including Liam) understand the urgency and are clearly trying to improve.

Additionally, the rumors and immediate lack of support for Liam does not do anything but undermine him and the team and adds even more pressure. I get that Yuki looks good this year, but know who else looks good? Isack and the VCARB car just in general. Yuki is a good driver. I am not denying that. But a rookie with no F1 experience hopped in the car, outqualified him in the second race, and matched him on pace all race. Their car is fast, but more importantly, it is driveable. There is absolutely no guarantee that putting anyone else in that Redbull would show an improvement over Liam. But based on how quick Hadjar took to his car, and Liam's past partial seasons, Liam would probably improve in the VCARB. So cut the kid a little bit of slack. He's a person and he's learning a difficult car. And from what I've seen, he is taking full accountability for not learning fast enough and is trying to understand his mistakes and improve his performance. You can think he doesn't deserve it all you want, but let the kid at least try. And if you guys do get your wish for Yuki or Colapinto or whomever else you'd like to drop into that 2nd Redbull seat, you better be prepared for them to fall on their face just as hard because that's the very very likely outcome of replacing Liam right now while Redbull are still learning their 2025 car. Currently, it's not a driver thing. It's a car thing.

[911coded]

Chapter 6: Don’t Dream It’s Over

The silence stretched uncomfortably and Tommy couldn’t think with enough clarity to even know what to say, what to do. What was even happening here? He could feel himself spiraling into panic again as his eyes watered.

John crouched and leaned over, “Hey, Tommy?” he whispered.

Tommy blinked, sighed, and turned his head to look at John from where he was now fully extended in the recliner from hell, “Yeah, John?”

“We can fly spaceships. With our minds,” he whispered with an encouraging grin.

Wide-eyed, Tommy turned his head back to the rocky ceiling, blinked, and suddenly it’s as if his body and mind clicked back together. “Cool,” he breathed.

“Would you like to see the ships that you will be able to pilot, Thomas?” The voice was gentle, hesitant, and seemed to be coming from the chair but also through Tommy’s mind, the same voice that he had struggled to understand while flying earlier.

Tommy glanced at John out of the corner of his eye for directions, but he seemed to be just as flummoxed as Tommy was at the conversation, so he decided to play along again, “Um, sure?” 

“Our sister ship, Atlantis, lost her fighters to the great war, but she has several small gateships that Primus Filius seems to enjoy.” An image of the base of a great steel city floating on an endless ocean was projected in the air above his reclined body and he and John watched as a tube shaped ship with wings darted into frame and seemed to skim along the water before rising to fly to the city glittering on the dark sea.

*******************

The check-in process was fairly painless with Lorne at his side, though the guards gave him quite the look when they asked if he had any weapons. 

”Swords, Buck?” Lorne chuckled, “I feel like every time I see you, you have a new surprise for me.”

“Eh, I got the impression that I would have to come up with things to do in my down time and I’m hoping to find someone to practice with, it’s been a while,” Buck said with a shrug. *

Once they made it past the security checkpoint, they went through a massive blast door and entered the mountain proper. Around a corner and through one more blast door, they passed the last checkpoint at the elevators, then Buck and Lorne began their descent deep underground to one of the most secure places in the world.

“Did you know that this facility was built in 1967 in response to the Cold War, in order to have a secure place to track long range Soviet bombers? It was designed to withstand a 30-megaton nuclear blast from as close as 1.24 miles away. Those blast doors take 45 seconds to open or close and though they are tested every day, they have only really been closed once, on 9/11.”

“No, somehow, I missed that in the transfer onboarding information,” Lorne snorted.

“Mmhmm, and it originally housed the NORAD Combat Operations Center. When NORAD moved to Peterson Air Force Base in 2008, Cheyenne Mountain was considered to be on “warm standby” and is supposed to be manned by a skeleton crew of military scientists that study “deep space radar telemetry,” Buck continued.

“I think I can actually hear the finger quotes you are using there, Buck, what are you getting at?” Lorne asked.

Buck snuck a look at Lorne out of the corner of his eye, “Wikipedia says there is a broom closet labeled “Starportal Command” from the tv show “Wormhole X-Treme!”. I may have made a bet with my friend Karen when we were wine drunk that it was the only true part of the article. You gotta help me out, here, I need to be right, Lorne, she’s too smart, it’s impossible to argue effectively with that woman. Honestly!” Buck exclaimed.

Lorne stared at Buck blankly for a full ten seconds before he lost it, leaned a hand against the elevator wall and laughed until he cried.

The elevator doors open to a tall blond woman with a smile on her face. The smile turned to a frown as she caught sight of Lorne trying and failing to get himself back together. Buck flashed her an innocent smile and leaned out of the elevator car, holding the door open, his hand out for a handshake. 

“Hey, I’m Evan Buckley, most people call me Buck,” Buck declared. The woman slowly reached out a hand, but paused while she stared at Lorne with her eyebrows practically in her hairline. 

“Is he going to be ok?” she asked, starting to look concerned, “Lorne?” 

Buck bobbed his head in a nod, “Oh, he’s fine, no idea what that’s about. Maybe he has a condition?”

Lorne manages to stand up long enough to punch Buck in the shoulder, “A condition?! You asshole! I’ve missed you, emails really aren’t enough to get the full effect.” Lorne groans, shoving him out of the elevator and directly into the intended handshake. “This is General Samantha Carter, head of Homeworld Security. She oversees this facility and our remote base from D.C., while making sure we continue to get the funds and people we need to run the program. She’s going to take you to sign the biggest NDA you will ever see, then to a conference room where you can meet everyone else.”

The General shook her head with a roll of her eyes like their nonsense was just the latest of her day. “Come with me, Buck, and we’ll get you sorted. You can call me Sam when I’m not giving you orders,” she said with a wink. Buck followed with a pout and Lorne stepped back into the elevator with Buck’s bags and a wave of his fingers.

Lorne wasn’t kidding about the NDA, Buck was rubbing his aching wrists as they traveled again lower and lower in the elevator. With a ding on sublevel 27, he followed Sam down a hallway that looked no different than the one several levels above them. 

“How do you keep from getting lost in here? I feel like I’ve been down the same hallway three times now,” Buck questioned.

“You get used to it, but the first few weeks are definitely a struggle,” Sam replied. “Ah, here we are!” With a perfunctory knock, she opened the door to what looked like a conference room. He could see Dave and Lorne whispering, heads together on one side of the impressive table, but had to guess at who the other man across from them could be. 

“Buck, you know Parrish and Lorne, of course, the other gentleman sitting there is General Cameron Mitchell,” Sam explains. “I don’t know where the others wandered off to, I guess I’ll do the explaining this time,” Sam gestured for Buck to take a seat and sat down at the head of the table. “The main reason you were asked to come here today is because of an incident during your time in Peru with Parrish and Lorne. Lorne was carrying a piece of technology that has a mental component and he believed that the technology was trying to make a connection to you. Lorne?” Sam gestured at Lorne. He stood up and reached into a pocket.

“Oh hey, that’s what it was! Is that one yours?” Buck interrupted with a giant grin, pointing to the LSD (Life Signs Detector) that Lorne had just removed from his pocket and made to hand to him.

“What?”

“What?!”

“The fuck?”

Buck startled and looked around the room, eyes wide, as multiple people shouted at once. He rolled his shoulders forward, ducked his head, and shrugged. “It sounds the same. Are there more?” Buck quickly forgot that he was uncomfortable and the questions continued almost faster than they could keep up, practically vibrating in his seat.  “Do they all feel the same? What is it? Is it an alien intelligence of some kind? How can I hear it? How does it work? This been bugging me for like 10 years now,” Buck wheezed out the last of his oxygen and before he could take in another breath to ask another question, Sam interrupted.

“How did you recognise what Lorne was going to hand to you?” 

Buck’s face blushed scarlet and he shifted about in his chair, “Uh, well, as you know, I met Dave and Lorne in Peru about ten years ago and every time Lorne got within three feet of me, I could sort of hear someone that wanted to be picked up, but there was nothing there. I didn’t want to look like a crazy person, so I tried to look around without making it obvious. Then I realized if I stayed in the same place, but Lorne moved, I stopped hearing it. Then, when I didn’t respond, it kept trying to give me instructions on pickpocketing. For all I knew, it was some weird rock you picked up on your trip or was some new technology that was heavily classified and I didn’t have any idea how to ‘talk’ back to it without doing it out loud, so I figured it would be one of those mysteries you never solve, the ones you ponder at 3AM when you can’t sleep, you know?”

“What do you mean by sounds the same?” she prodded, leaning forward across the table, the scientist in her now coming out to play. Buck leaned back in his chair and visually paused, trying to figure out how to answer.

“It has the same ‘voice’ for lack of a better word. Um, I, uh, don’t ‘hear’ it as words. More like…” he faltered a bit and Lorne cut in, “Emotions? Kind of projected at you?” Buck’s head tilted like a dog or bird mentally looking at something from another direction. He opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again. “Emotion is probably the closest way to describe it, but also pictures?” 

“Wait. Wait, wait, it was sending you instructions visually on how to pickpocket?!” Carter exclaimed. “Neither you nor Sheppard ever mentioned visual feedback!” Carter accused, pointing at Lorne on the other side of the conference room. Lorne stood back up from leaning against the wall with his hands held up in surrender. “Other than the visuals on the screen, I never got anything from it other than a vague yes, no, excitement, or disappointment. Sheppard’s gene has always been stronger than mine but you know how cagy he gets when emotions come into play,” he said, with a smirk.

All eyes in the room are now on Buck and he struggled to explain the unexplainable. “You know when you are speaking to someone and you can hear what they are saying, but you are also picking up facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice to get the whole picture? Now imagine it is someone you know really well and you are talking to them on the phone. Even though you can’t see them with your eyes, your brain picks up what they would be doing anyway from the words and tone because your brain is filling in the gaps intuitively. That’s what I’m getting from the device. My brain is getting information that I can’t SEE, but is filling in the gaps so that I have the whole picture as if I were seeing it,” Buck said, looking around the room to see slack jaws and blank expressions.

Mitchell broke the silence. “Holy shit. Great job, kid, I almost understood that,” he said, chuckling quietly. 

Sam looked like she was trying to stare a hole through Lorne’s head. He shrugged. “That’s more than I get. They respond to my thoughts, but I don’t get much feedback at all,” he explained.

******************************

Tommy took a deep calming breath, “You said your sister ship, are you sisters with Atlantis? And what does Primus Filius mean?” Tommy asked, prodding the genderless voice along.

“At one time, we were many sisters, but though I can no longer fly, Atlantis and I are the only city ships left. Though we may not be sisters the way the first ones and you humans consider sisters, we have always thought of ourselves as such. Primus Filius is from the first ones’ language, it means first son. He woke us up and gave us life again, such as it is.” 

“Who did?”

“Why John, of course. John will not live for all time, unfortunately. And he does not enjoy talking to anyone who is not his Condictor(fixer). We need more sons and daughters, Thomas, but John has not given us any and your Stargate people are too secretive. They impede the process. I am afraid that we have been influenced by our hospites(guests). We grew impatient at the delay, and decided we would have to look for new sons and daughters ourselves.” There was an electronic humming sound before they continued to explain, “The endeavor has been difficult. Most that could hear us are too far away and those that are close often refuse to listen. Thank you for answering, Thomas. Will you and your amantis(lover) finally come home?” 

An image of Evan as he remembers him, smiling brightly in delight hovered over Tommy’s head and he finally accepted that Evan may be right about the universe speaking. In that moment, staring at Evan’s beautiful face projected above him, he realized that he was done running. He sat up and mentally asked the chair to let go. He felt a caress of pride from the voice and shakily stood up, John’s hand coming to his elbow to steady him. With his eyes closed, he took a deep breath, and on a count of five, he opened his eyes and turned to John.

“Tell me everything.” **

************************

“So, what does it do when it’s not trying to arrange its own kidnapping?” Buck asked. Lorne strolled over and placed the device on the table in front of him. He looked it over. The screen was blank and it was about the size of the old school Game Boy color he had as a kid. As soon as he picked it up, though, the screen flashed madly and changed functions faster than he could blink. “Whoa! Hey, slow down!” Buck whisper-shouted at the little device. He was getting an impression of giddy, but the device did what he asked and then started to show him each screen and “explain” what it did. While he was absorbing information as fast as he could, the rest of the room was completely silent, and after a couple of minutes the feel of multiple eyes on him started to sneak through the hyperfocus. Buck blinked a couple of times and looked up while his little friend pouted but stopped sending a signal until he could concentrate again. 

Parrish waved a bit in Buck’s direction, “You back with us?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry. It’s very excited to see me again,” Buck replied sheepishly.

Buck took a long look around the conference table at each of the faces watching him, “So, ok. Hit me with it. It’s aliens, right? Makes more sense than sentient rocks, anyway.” Dave let out a snort of laughter and held a hand out to Cam, who rolled his eyes and passed over some cash.

“Carter?”

“Right! Yes, well, the little device you are holding, Buck, is a bit of what is essentially advanced, alien technology. What allows you to connect and “talk” with it, is a gene that was passed down through the generations by one of your ancestors. The aliens, that we used to refer to as ‘The Ancients’ and now know to be Alteran, left behind bits and bobs of their creations all over the galaxy. We believe they engineered the gene to put a sort of “lock” on their tech so it couldn’t be used against them. They added the gene lock into just about everything. Any personal or professional device, even their ships and cities were built around using the gene to interact with technology. There are only two ways to tell if a person has the genetic history to operate this technology. We can run a blood test, or we can…,” her voice trails off while gesturing at Buck.

“Hand some unsuspecting person a random piece of technology that wants to talk to them?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, basically. I’m afraid that’s what Jack did to your friend Tommy,” she replied, sheepishly.

Buck winced, “Ah, yeah. I’m sure that went over like a lead balloon.” 

Sam cleared her throat, “Mr. Buckley, we brought you here today because we would like to tell you about the Stargate Program and convince you to join us.”

Notes:

*If my ex-boyfriend and I could find a Japanese trained kenjutsu master in St. Louis to learn from, so can Buck. This was more than 20 years ago, so I only remember enough to look up what I am picturing in my head. My participation wasn’t serious on my part, it was just for fun. The ex-boyfriend and his friends got good enough to compete after we broke up so my handful of lessons with a bokken is all I have to show for it. (Honestly, my favorite part was the flick to the side to shake off blood before sheathing your sword. Dramatic movie stuff, very fun!) The swords may come back in another chapter or may pop up in a one-shot, but the swords are NECESSARY.

**I used google translate and Latin to stand in for the names the outpost uses to refer to their chosen people. According to Stargate lore, latin, as we know it, comes from the Alteran language.

The gifs that I had in my brain that are projected in the air above Tommy:

Tags for those who asked: @eliotwaughdeservesbetter @anangrylittlehobbit @grimmsdead

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok more AI thoughts sorry i'm tagging them if you want to filter. we had a team meeting last week where everyone was raving about this workshop they'd been to where they learned how to use generative AI tools to analyze a spreadsheet, create a slide deck, and generate their very own personalized chatbot. one person on our team was like 'yeah our student workers are already using chatGPT to do all of their assignments for us' and another person on our team (whom i really respect!) was like 'that's not really a problem though right? when i onboard my new student workers next year i'm going to have them do a bunch of tasks with AI to start with to show them how to use it more effectively in their work.' and i was just sitting there like aaaaa aaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaa what are we even doing here.

here are some thoughts:

yes AI can automate mundane tasks that would've otherwise taken students longer to complete. however i think it is important to ask: is there value in learning how to do mundane tasks that require sustained focus and careful attention to detail even if you are not that interested in the subject matter? i can think of many times in my life where i have needed to use my capacity to pay attention even when i'm bored to do something carefully and well. and i honed that capacity to pay attention and do careful work through... you guessed it... practicing the skill of paying attention and doing careful work even when i was bored. like of course you can look at the task itself and say "this task is meaningless/boring for the student, so let's teach them how to automate it." but i think in its best form, working closely with students shares some things with parenting, in that you are not just trying to get them through a set list of tasks, you are trying to give them opportunities to develop decision-making frameworks and diverse skillsets that they can transfer to many different areas of their lives. so I think it is really important for us to pause and think about how we are asking them to work and what we are communicating to them when we immediately direct them to AI.

i also think that rushing to automate a boring task cuts out all the stuff that students learn or absorb or encounter through doing the task that are not directly tied to the task itself! to give an example: my coworker was like let's have them use AI to review a bunch of pages on our website to look for outdated info. we'll just give them the info that needs to be updated and then they can essentially use AI to find and replace each thing without having to look at the individual pages. to which i'm like... ok but let's zoom out a little bit further. first of all, as i said above, i think there is value in learning how to read closely and attentively so that you can spot inaccuracies and replace them with accurate information. second of all, i think the exercise of actually reviewing things closely with my own human eyes & brain can be incredibly valuable. often i will go back to old pages i've created or old workshops i've made, and when i look at them with fresh eyes, i'm like ohh wait i bet i can express this idea more clearly, or hang on, i actually think this example is a little more confusing and i've since thought of a better one to illustrate this concept, or whatever. a student worker reading through a bunch of pages to perform the mundane task of updating deadlines might end up spotting all kinds of things that can be improved or changed. LASTLY i think that students end up absorbing a lot about the organization they work for when they have to read through a bunch of webpages looking for information. the vast majority of students don't have a clear understanding of how different units within a complex organization like a university function/interact with each other or how they communicate their work to different stakeholders (students, faculty, administrators, parents, donors, etc.). reading closely through a bunch of different pages -- even just to perform a simple task like updating application deadlines -- gives the student a chance to absorb more knowledge about their own unit's inner workings and gain a sense of how its work connects to other parts of the university. and i think there is tremendous value in that, since students who have higher levels of navigational capital are likely to be more aware of the resources/opportunities available to them and savvier at navigating the complex organization of the university.

i think what this boils down to is: our culture encourages us to prize efficiency in the workplace over everything else. we want to optimize optimize optimize. but when we focus obsessively on a single task (and on the fastest, most efficient way to complete it), i think we can really lose sight of the web of potential skills to be learned and knowledge or experience to be gained around the task itself, which may seem "inefficient" or unrelated to the task but can actually be hugely important to the person's growth/learning. idk!!! maybe i am old man shouting at cloud!!! i am sure people said this about computers in the workplace too!!! but also WERE THEY WRONG??? I AM NOT SURE THEY WERE!!!!

and i have not even broached the other part of my concern which is that if we tell students it's totally fine to use AI tools in the workplace to automate tasks they find boring, i think we may be ceding the right to tell them they can't use AI tools in the classroom to automate learning tasks they find boring. like how can we tell them that THIS space (the classroom) is a sacred domain of learning where you must do everything yourself even if you find it slow and frustrating and boring. but as soon as you leave your class and head over to your on-campus job, you are encouraged to use AI to speed up everything you find slow, frustrating, and boring. how can we possibly expect students to make sense of those mixed messages!! and if we are already devaluing education so much by telling students that the sole purpose of pursuing an education is to get a well-paying job, then it's like, why NOT cheat your way through college using the exact same tools you'll be rewarded for using in the future job that you're going to college to get? ughhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHh.

[fuzzkaizer]

BOSS - CE-1 Chorus Ensemble

"... yeah, there’s a reason why they occupy so much Cabinet real estate. The company created the “first” of a variety of effects, and was certainly the first to offer many types in compact boxes. However, one such pedal is a stone-cold all-time classic despite never being offered in Boss’s trademark compact enclosure. That pedal is the CE-1 Chorus Ensemble.

Released one year after parent company Roland’s flagship Jazz Chorus amplifiers, Boss did what was once considered the unthinkable. Following the rapid and perhaps unexpected success of the aforementioned amp series, Roland wasted no time with ripping a circuit straight from them and putting them in a floor unit. In fact, this circuit ended up being the first pedal to bear the Boss name, and what a first it was.

Back when the CE-1 was conceptualized, the idea of mains-powered pedals was pretty commonplace. Mu-Tron effects used them, and so did MXR on some of its more ambitious models. Onboard and oftentimes custom-wound transformers ensured that voltages would be stepped down at precisely the right increments in order to preserve tonal integrity and headroom.

Of course, most pedals of the time also ran on nine-volt batteries, establishing a standard that continues today. But before these standards were established, the idea of grandiose effects thrived under the usage of mains power. Such a boundless canvas allowed companies like Boss to rip entire hunks of circuitry straight from larger silicon conglomerates and put them right at a player’s feet. These days, very few manufacturers offer such exacting circuitry, and the few that do charge exorbitant prices.

The CE-1 is one particularly exceptional example of this practice, because it expands on the original circuit, with the added bonus that you can play it through an actual tube amplifier. It also adds an extra functionality that the Jazz Chorus just couldn’t match. The Jazz Chorus gives players both Chorus and Vibrato modes, and to that end, serves up three knobs, of which Speed and Depth are two. The third knob is actually a rotary switch that chooses either mode. While the JC-120 offers a footswitch input to toggle the effect on and off, the CE-1 does one better and converts the rotary switch into a stompable button, meaning you don’t have to do the Angus Young duckwalk back to your amp mid-set to change modes. Nobody wants to do this.

Roland’s Jazz Chorus—and thusly the CE-1—couldn’t have come at a better time for end-users or commerce. Californian semiconductor company Reticon developed the first bucket-brigade device (BBD) and distributed them through the usual suspects, including Radio Shack under the store’s in-house Archer brand. The only problem—again for end-users and commerce—was that each one cost a crazy amount of 1970s dollars. Even at wholesale prices, Reticon’s SAD series of BBD chips made effects a bit on the expensive side.

Shortly after in Japan, Matsushita released the genesis of the Japanese BBD boom that ended up sinking Reticon and all pedals that relied on it. The first chip off the Matsushita line was the MN3002 and found its way into the CE-1 tout de suite. With the combination of the relatively inexpensive BBD and the full-strength brawn of the circuit itself, the CE-1 made a splash in the effects world and primed the pump for Boss’s compact series to take the effects world by storm.

The most unsung piece of the CE-1 puzzle is the onboard preamp that preps the signal for its impending modulation. While many effects and amplifiers (especially of this era) features “high” and “low” inputs, they usually correspond to a brute force approach that swaps out resistors in the signal path. However, the CE-1 preamp section starts with an op-amp preamp circuit that sweetens the signal, and switching over to high mode inserts a transistorized gain stage between the input and the op-amp section. This adds a velvety gloss to the signal before it ever sniffs the BBD chip, catapulting your tone into heights unreached by lesser devices.

It’s not often that almost 50 years later, no effect of a given type has surpassed the first one ever created, but such is the case with the CE-1. Its combination of unsurpassed tonal brilliance, component count and wacky power requirements has cemented its place in the effects hall of fame, leaving even the most modern refinements squarely in the rear-view mirror."

cred: catalinbread.com/blogs/kulas-cabinet/boss-ce-1-chorus-ensemble

[givemeyams]

Can I help you?

Lost Light x (gn)reader

Content: mtmte oc insert, Lost Light x (GN)Reader, [Fluff], discontinued

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.4K

--- BUDDY ---

Puyo has been missing for an hour now and Buddy was getting worried. Zorabora was a small Zatu trade colony, it shouldn’t be this hard to find a glowing amorphic slimeball. Stall after stall, it seemed that none of the locals noticed the creature. While the slime was damn near unkillable, the pilot hoped that Puyo didn’t get captured. Exotic traders would pay an arm and a leg for a tamed mimic.

With the ships electrical systems fried, Buddy had no way of locating their dear companion. Worse still, none of the local technicians had the skill to reinstall the communication and navigational arrays to get it back online. They had to rely on a short range radio they jimmied up earlier.

Where could Puyo have gone? Was she hungry? Scared? This was so unlike her to wander off in an unknown area. The human felt a cool droplet. Damn, once the rain starts it will be hell to navigate the area. Their head whipped toward the bolt that streaked across the sky. One second. Two second. Three. The thunder shook the ground and a shrill scream cut through the street. That was her. The human took off into the street. Puyo was nearby.

--- SWERVE ---

Swerve had seen rain within Earth media countless times before. So much of their culture revolves around the precipitation of dihydrogen monoxide. It made sense. Without water, much of life on Earth would die. There was so much emotion portrayed in movies and shows when rain is involved. Couples breaking up in a rainstorm. A tragedy from a flood. The joy of children running through puddles. Yet, feeling the droplets against his holoform seemed, what’s the word? Underwhelming.

“You know, I always wondered how our holoforms would react to lightning.” Said Skids.

The bartender turned to the other, horrified. “Don’t jinx it. I think I remember something about circuit burns from Magnus’ projection safety pamphlets.”

“I’m more worried about this little one. He’s been shaking ever since the storm was in audial range.” Said Rung softly, petting the slime in his arms.

Skids nudged his face towards the creature, cooing, “Never seen a mimic this tame before. The wee thing likes ya.”

Swerve inched closure, “It is kind of cute. It’s like an Earth kitten. If the kitten was blue, and it lacked the legs, tail, fur, and a face.”`

“So nothing like a kitten at all,” chuckled Skids.

“Its eyes are yellow so close enough.” Huffed Swerve. “Say, if we don’t find the owner, think we can hide it from Ultra Magnus. We can keep it on my habsuite and take turns feeding it. That means we should give it a name. We should call it ‘Boba.’ Like the drink.”

“I like ‘Bubbles’ better,” the taller mech said.

The phycologist shook his head, “While I do not condone smuggling lifeforms onboard the ship. I do feel like it is our responsibility to ensure its well-being.”

Swerve nodded, “Exactly, that is why if we ta-“ the thunder crackled above. Then the creature let out a piercing cry. “What the Frag was that? What happened? Is it hurt?”

Rung struggled to grip the fluid creature as it wriggled in his arms. “I think that it’s frightened, the poor thing. Maybe we should go inside so it can calm down.”

“Ai. Probably for the best. Rains coming down hard. I don’t know about you, but soggy clothes aren’t that comfortable,” supplied skids.

Just then, a voice echoed across the still busy street, causing the bots to jump. The three turned. The sound was getting closer, until a small bipedal being could be seen barreling towards them.

Puuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyoooooo!

Swerve gasp. It was a human. A real human. They practically slid in front of them, panting. When they looked up, they were radiating pure joy. In the rain, they looked mesmerizing.

“You found her,” They  said.

Skids and Rung looked at them with awe when the mimic vaulted into their arms. The effect was instant. The creature was purring as the human held them closure, relief on their face.

“You must be the owner,” said Rung smiling. “I am glad we were able to find you. The strength of your bond with each other is quite evident.”

The organic looked up, at all of them. “You have no idea. She is like family and I can’t thank you enough.” They then pointed at the building across the way. A bar. “Let me buy you a drink, it’s the least I can do.”

Rung frowned slightly, “Well you see-”

But he was cut off by the human, “I insist. Come on before we all get drenched,” they said. Their laughter was loud and boisterous.

Swerve looked at his companion, his shake with excitement, despite the fact that he was in his projected form. “Can we? I mean they did invite us.”

“It would be rude not to,” said Rung slowly.

Skids motioned them to follow, “You heard him, let's go.”

The minibot thought to himself. The rush of emotions from the human appearing out of nowhere to the constant pressure sensors triggering against the downpour. It made him feel lightheaded. Maybe this is why so much of human media portrays historic moments in the rain.

--- RUNG ---

Somehow through a whirlwind of events, Rung ended up here, on a remote organic settlement, at a restaurant, soon to be seated next to a human. His companions looked just as excited as he felt. As the most outgoing of the group, Skids looked ecstatic. He was like a sparkling with the way his head swiveled at every sight and sound. Next to him, Swerve had a more anxious expression. No doubt in anticipation from finally meeting a member of the species that occupied his interest.

As for himself, it had been a long time since he had felt this giddy. When he first began his search for the mimics owner, it was more out of civic duty. The creature had obviously been domesticated and it pained him to find such small thing lost and forgotten. He did not expect the sheer force of love and affection the human had for the creature, it was beautiful. Then in an instant, all that love and gratitude was projected onto him when they thanked him, it made his spark swell. There was such intensity in their optics, it felt like for the first time in centuries, he had been SEEN. He simply had to learn more about this individual.

“This is actually happening,” Swerve. mumbled to himself.

Next to him, Skids hung an arm around the man, “Easy there. You’ll be fine. Don’t overthink it.”

The minibot shot a pained look back. “Don’t overthink it. Don’t tell me that. It's like telling my processor to do the exact opposite.”

“Then talk it out bud. It's just a conversation. You're good at those.”

Rung smiled. It was nice to see Skids ease Swerve’s nervousness. His assurances did help as the mech calmed down. Just in time, the human strolled to the table, fabric in one hand and a plate of food in another.

“Here are some towels to dry yourselves with.” They said, passing the white cloth fragments to the mechs, then placing the plate down with a smile, “So the Zatu call this dish a Zeebriska. It’s the closest thing to Nachos I have eaten in a long time, feel free to have some.”

“Thank you, you didn’t have to.” replied Rung

“Though we really appreciate the gesture,” added Swerve. “After all we just re-I mean we just ate not too long ago.”

Wait, was that a smirk from the human? Rung could have sworn he saw their face looked amused, if only for a second. Then they shrugged, “More for me. I was serious earlier. If you see anything on the menu, it's my treat.”

“Thanks. You know, we never actually caught your name.” Said Skids.

The human laughed, “Right sorry, call me Buddy. And you said that you were Skids, Swerve and Rung. Did I get that correct?”

“Right on the money,” said Swerve. “So how did you end up out here?”

“I can ask you the same thing. I haven’t met another human in years.’m a courier. I deliver mail and other goods to remote settlements across the system.”

Swerve lit up, “You’re a regular adventurer then.”

Buddy smirked, “Something like that. Though I am stranded here for the moment. My ship's electrical systems got fried during a stellar storm in the Bybax System, with it, all navigational and communication equipment was lost. I haven’t been able to fix it since.”

Skids tilted his head, “Isn’t that two star systems away. How did you get here?”

“Hitched a ride with a Gren cargo freighter for three-quarters the way, then I piloted the rest.”

“No way you could have steered your ship on sight alone.” Skids gasp.

“Give me some credit. I had a calculator too.”

The other clapped, “You got skill, bud. I’ll give you that.”

Swerve shifted in his seat, “Yet you said you're still stranded?”

“It wasn’t exactly a soft landing.” they said. “I can handle structural repairs, it’s just I am clueless when it comes to anything software related. So I am grounded until I can find someone to fix the damage or I need to abandon the craft.”

The minibot nearly jumped, “Maybe you can come with us. We might have people that can help with that.”

“Swerve,” Rung warned. It's not that he didn’t want to help this individual, but it would be against ship policy to bring an alien race aboard. It was one thing, bringing a mimic. Those were non-organic, requiring little to no maintenance. This was a living, breathing sentient.

“Come on, Rung. Don’t you feel a little bad for them. We just need to convince Rodimus and Drift. Then Magnus will have to agree. You know we have room and the resources.”

“Look guys,” Buddy said, catching the bot's attention. “This is obviously a hot subject for you. I don’t want you to get in trouble on my behalf. If you really want to help, send me to your superiors and let me try to try to hash out a deal.”

Skids scratched his head, “Well, it might be a little more complicated than that.”

Everything paused. In an instant, the three autobots conversed over their comm units.

:Swerve: We should tell them. ::

:Skids: Okay, so you do it. ::

:Swerve: What? Why me? ::

:Skids: You were the one to offer our help. Gotta follow through. ::

:Swerve: What if I spook them. I mean, Cybertronians are universally hated around here. ::

:Skids: You just don’t want them to hate you. ::

:Swerve: You. You’re the worst. ::

:Rung: That’s enough, I will tell them. However you will be the one to appeal to Ultra Magnus. ::

:Swerve: Fine. Just promise me that you’ll back me when UM asks what happened. ::

:Skids: Course. ::

:Rung: You have my support. Now we have kept our guest waiting long enough. ::

Rung checked his internal clock. Their conversation lasted less than a minute. The human was still consuming their meal. He cleared his throat, taking hold of his glasses. “Buddy, there is something important we have neglected to mention.”

A quick glance to his fellow crew members. Both leaning in for the big reveal. Swerve looked like he was about to go offline at any moment, while Skids barely could hide a grin. Back to the human, they hummed in response, brow raised.

Rung frowned, “The truth is that we are Cybertronians disguised as humans.”

Dead silent between the three of them. Rung tracked her expression in real time. From the furl of the brow, widening eyes, and swallowing in quick succession. What he did not expect was an abrupt laugh. “Noble. I knew you weren’t human but cybertronian? It's an honor.”

Skids laughed along with the human, “You’re pretty clever. I like that.”

Swerve was on his feet, “You knew!? When? How?”

They shrugged, “As soon as you introduced yourselves. You see, we humans have a knack for picking up differences in our own. For example, ” Buddy held out a hand to Swerve. “May I?”

Swerve’s EM field was surging. Rung looked around, fearing the other xenos might pick up such a strong signature. Evidently, none seemed to notice, or at the very least contributed to the storm outside. It did not help that Skids was nearly keeled over from his giggling. “Sure,” the minibot squeaked.

Buddy cupped two hands around his one. “Incredible. Such a tightly knit hard-light matrix. Sorry, off-topic. For example, your skin may feel the same as mine, but it doesn’t have any blemishes. Signs of natural wear and tear. We also have small hairs across our body and we produce oils and pheromones. While humans aren’t normally conscious of those facts, the absence of it can be disconcerting.” They let go, “Apologies if I made you uncomfortable.”

The minibot’s projection flickered, but he shook his head, “No. Not uncomfortable. Never been better.”

Rung did not realize he too was leaning in with their explanation. “Fascinating. And this is an ability that you share with the rest of your species?”

“It’s not really an ability as it is an aspect of our psychology. Anything that can be described as human-but-not-quite makes us incredibly uneasy. Hone in on those traits, and you have a better chance of determining friend from foe, or in this case,” Buddy winked, “deciding if these nice strangers are actually aliens.”

Rung coughed, ignoring the frazzled EM of Swerve, “Yet you don’t seem upset at all.”

“Not in the slightest. If anything, I am impressed. Humans are a good choice. Squishy, unassuming. Not to mention, practically pocket sized to the rest of the galaxy.”

“Pocket size?” Skids wheezed. “Did my translator short, or did you admit your entire race was tiny?”

Buddy threw their arms up, “Of course I did. It’s almost comical how nearly everyone I come across has to look down at me. I am willing to bet my ship that in your true form, I can fit in the palm of your hand. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You got me. Though, I can think of a few species that are larger than us.”

They chuckled. “Because that is a reassuring thought. On a serious note, is that why you don’t want me to speak with your captain?”

“It’s not so much as the captain, as it is his Second in Command,” explained Swerve. “You see, our SiC is stickler about rules. Some of those rules are very specific in how we handle contact with other aliens, especially organics.”

The human hummed in acknowledgment, “Well I’m game, what is the proper way to contact your ship?”

[quarecresourcespvtltd]

Employee Onboarding and Retention Rates in Recruitment Industry

Boost your recruitment strategy with insights on employee onboarding and retention rates in the industry. Discover how effective onboarding practices can enhance employee engagement and reduce turnover. Stay ahead in the recruitment industry with proven strategies for long-term talent retention.

[lemurballing]

i know everyone is onboard with mimic onscreen murder via whisper BUT; here are a couple nonlethal ways you could also make him less of an issue (under the assumption that IDW can deal with killing him accidentally, but that a main character outright personally killing him is unlikely…)

1: blinded - it’d restrict his reaction time and awareness in combat, and remove his ability to become aware of current appearances and colors; he wouldn’t be able to mimic anyone accurately anymore at a certain point. he’d lose his most effective tool, and if he gets anywhere he’d have to learn how to be actually imposing or effective.

2: loss of limbs - 1-2 arms or legs, in a permanent loss he can’t regrow or shapeshift around (though he probably could be given octopus regeneration…). similarly would restrict his ability to fight, and since he can’t shapeshift a new one, he wouldn’t be able to imitate anyone accurately at all unless they also have lost the same limbs. (i don’t think this option would work canonically, considering mimic can imitate things like tangle’s tail, when he doesn’t have his own tail - but maybe with the phantom pains/whatever mental trauma from losing limbs?)

3: my favorite: burn damage (ie from an explosion) - scar his skin over, removing his ability to shapeshift (assuming it is tied to his skin). he’d still have his own body, but would be entirely incapable of shapeshifting as well as in immense pain.

my own thoughts? i’m tired of mimic hanging over the storyline, especially when all he does over and over is try to kill whisper secretly. i am sympathetic to tangle not being willing to kill - but yeah, mimic can get killed, i’m cool with that.

it’s going to drive a stake between tangle and whisper until tangle can come to terms with what it would actually say about whisper and herself if she managed to kill mimic - or between tangle and silver, if he did the deed itself - which would likely mean separating them for a time… i’m thinking the big reason tangle is so against killing isn’t because of any practical reason or any belief mimic could reform, but she’s afraid of ‘falling’. she’s a little flexible, but tangle DOES have strict morals, and ‘no killing’ is high among them; it would make her or whisper a Bad Person if they killed anyone, even mimic. additionally, tangle is the sort of person who would regret it - her stopping whisper is either trying to spare whisper from feeling that guilt (even though whisper wouldn’t), or herself from feeling it in proximity.

of course, with mimic dead and whisper finally at ease, tangle would see why it worked - i think she could change her mind. it’s just in the interim while they pursue that goal that she’s going to be conflicted and/or hurt.

also - with this mimic plot being started in T&W, released to take place around issue 16 iirc, and lasting up to issue *76*, mimic has been around and been a problem for SIXTY issues - a longer stay than starline had!! mimic doesn’t deserve that sort of linger, even if he’s only sparingly been present IN the comic - he haunts whisper like starline haunted surge. (additionally, starline is a more compelling villain than mimic ever was - the guy who just killed his teammates for a bribe? the guy who’s just chronically such a sellout coward he betrayed multiple other people before the DC and even after reflecting on his own actions in shame, did not stop himself and turn to a better path? he’s a coward, not really a ‘villain’ - a scary mask and a tiger lying in wait, scared off if you turn eyes on him.)

last little aside - as hilarious as mimic’s fumble (“wrong number…?”) in 75 was, that storyline REALLY didn’t deserve that ending - a rugpull accidental reveal when mimic had already been leaving SO MANY CLUES to his true identity. he’s genuinely such a bad actor i don’t know why he ever considered it as a career path - he should’ve gone for runway model or special effects or something. not being given away by his wishy-washy, halfway-presence despite saying he was enthusiastic to be helping out, missing during critical moments, being captured on live footage as the phantom rider wearing duo’s scarf instead of the glowy scarf? honestly, mimic, just leave the scarf off - if the real one’s all glowy, it’s not going to make a difference that you have this dull knit scarf on, just pretend you can disable the scarf to remove handholds!! this guy has a flair for the dramatic and he’s the sort of guy to be the Most Obvious among us importor, has never won a single game except for the other 9 year olds in the public lobby beefing the vote. especially since tangle and whisper had prior experience with trapping him, it would have been FAR more satisfying to see them setting up casual tests of trust to throw suspicion on him… nyeeeeggghhh

[tobiasdrake]

What do you think of Majin Buu's redemption?

Complicated. Buu's arc isn't... I wouldn't really call it a redemption, so much? It's closer to a child learning right from wrong for the first time. Just. Muddied by the extent of the wrongs Buu committed in ignorance.

Morally speaking, Majin Buu is a very complicated character that operates on an eldritch scale. He doesn't map 100% onto a relatable human experience.

The original state of Buu, colloquially known as Kid Buu or Pure Buu, is effectively a mindless killing machine.

Like. That's not to say that he's a zombie or something. Pure Buu demonstrates creative attacks, learns moves from watching others perform them, and is capable of advanced problem-solving.

But by the same token, he doesn't really seem... self-aware. Pure Buu's behavior is more akin to a feral beast than a sentient person.

I would compare him to a robot. He's capable of learning, applying knowledge, and working out solutions to obstacles in front of him. But he has no sense of self, identity, or real understanding of the universe around him; Only a program that he uses his comprehension to carry out.

He's making advanced calculations, rather than informed choices. He exists for the singular purpose of purging all things that exist.

No, Goku. He does not. He is not interested in fighting you. He is not interested in anything. He is executing Annihilation.exe.

The only reason the fight on the Kaioshin world can even happen is because their god-world apparently can't be blown up.

This is what writing yourself into a corner with protagonists who can't breathe in space and a villain who blows up any planet he touches looks like.

Even Buu himself doesn't like this version of him. He practically begs Goku and Vegeta not to erase his identity and personality.

This is the foundation that Buu starts from: A killing machine programmed to destroy. But then he absorbed the Daikaioshin or The Great God of the World Kings and developed an intellect and personality.

(Given that Dragon Ball's mythology is rooted in Japanese Buddhism, it's likely no coincidence that Daikaioshin and by association Fat Buu has a Buddha-like appearance.)

Fat Buu is a lot like Piccolo Jr., with the difference being that the reincarnated Piccolo was very adult-coded while Buu is clearly meant to be taken as a child. Nonetheless, he's the first aspect of Buu to be self-aware enough to become capable of moral agency. Daikaioshin's influence on his mind made him more intelligent, turning him from a mindless killing machine into an impulsive and easily influenced child.

Look at him in that center panel. Just. Thinking about what Goku said. Mulling it over in his head. Like, he was onboard with this whole "Do what I say because I have power over you" thing but now that you mention it....

Goku does not get enough credit for being the one to kill Babidi. This rolled up to him. He straight-up ended Babidi with a question.

In this form, Buu does vile things, to be sure.

But as the text box says: He's a child at play. Majin Buu at this point has the moral complexity of a five-year-old. He's not really evil; He just... doesn't know better. He's never been taught better, and so his actions are almost paradoxical in nature.

Legit, one of my favorite chapters of the entire Buu arc is when he encounters a starving blind kid and heals his blindness so he can be properly afraid of him. Then winds up making friends.

Nuked that town and also he made that milk by Candy Beaming a human being so that's horrifying. And yet, you can see the peculiarity of his villainy even this early. Buu craves approval, even though he's been taught to care only about destruction and carnage.

Craves it so much that bringing an end to his carnage is as simple as asking him to stop.

And that's that. It's really not so much a redemption story as it is a child being taught better. Mr. Satan was the first person ever to actually say to this thinking form of Majin Buu, "Hey, that's bad. Don't do that. It's bad."

The first person to try parenting him instead of fighting him. (To be fair, it would have been impossible to parent him before Goku's semantic homicide of Babidi.)

Once this form of Buu returns in the final battle, he still isn't really a moral actor. He becomes a protagonist out of nepotism.

(Yeah, Viz uses Hercule instead of Mr. Satan because they hate fun. HAIL SATAN.)

After Satan asks him to please stop being bad, Buu becomes morally neutral. He's effectively Satan's uncontrollable toddler. He doesn't comprehend high-minded ideals of good or evil; He's an emotional and impulsive creature who cares about his bestie.

Which, to be honest, puts him in good company. Most of the cast of Dragon Ball are ex-assholes who don't so much have a traditional redemption story, but instead just... stop doing the thing. They used to be assholes, and then, for one reason or another, they stopped.

It's actually something I find really grounded about the way Dragon Ball handles its cast. Most of the characters in the series are like this, to varying degrees of past heinousness. There's none of the gravitas of atonement or redemption questing or the Big Moment of Redemption. They just. Stop being assholes and become some guy.

Piccolo is a rare exception.

[forest-falcon]

The Butterfly Effect

Chptr 19

Time for their first mission back since the rebuild.

⚠️Trigger Warning: Angst

💙💚🧡💛❤️🚒

"T-Tycho and I have an announcement to m-make."

"You're getting married!" Jonesy grinned.

"What? N-no."

"Brains and I think that everything's looking a-okay! We'll run some practice drills, but, theoretically, International Rescue should be ready to respond to calls again very, very soon."

"Y-yes."

A collective cheer rippled around the room, before animated talk, and plans for the coming weeks bubbled from everyone.

"Does this mean we can get started on my bedroom rebuild? John's room is great n all, but-"

"Of c-course, Alan!"

Alan gave a sigh of relief. "Finally!"

* * *

"You've got some charcoal on your cheek."

"Where?" Tam rubbed her cheekbone.

"Otherside..."

She dragged her palm down her face, only to succeed in spreading the mark further.

"I think you've made it worse," Virgil chuckled.

"Can you?-"

"Yeah, sure," he searched his supplies for a clean cloth.

"Just...go for it," Tam shrugged, leaning towards him.

He took her face in his hands and gently wiped the charcoal away with the pad of his thumb.

"There..."

A moment passed.

A moment where neither one moved.

Tam could feel her pulse hammering somewhere near to her collarbone, as they lingered.

What the hell was she doing? The rebuild was all-but complete. In a few short weeks she'd be swapping lush palms, and blue ocean, for concrete and rain.

But, she could feel his breath upon her neck, his eyes searching hers, and the warmth of his fingers still tangled within the curls of her hair.

A rap of knuckles sounded on the art room door.

Tam startled, and drew back.

The door swung open.

"Grub's up! Get it while it's hot!" Cass grinned.

"Thanks. Right. Coming."

"So..."

"So?" Tam parroted, impassivily.

Cass continued with her Cheshire-Cat smile as they walked.

"Things were looking rather cozy in there between you two, no?"

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't."

The pair fell silent as they continued along the corridor.

"I mean...he does have nice muscles..." Cass noted, enjoying every moment of their conversation.

Tam sighed.

"Everyone here has nice muscles," she deadpanned, flatly.

***

Gordon folded a paper plane and launched it across the room. "Wonder what our first mission back will be?"

"Odds are, not space," Alan sighed.

The plane looped, soaring just out of his grasp.

"My bet would be a standard bread and butter. Mountain rescue? Everest again, maybe?" Scott offered, with a shrug.

The aquanaut grimaced. "I hate snow."

"I call dibs on the mountain rescue!" Alan's hand shot up like a nerd in class.

"What! You can't just call dibs-"

"-I just hope it's something fairly straightforward - something you boys can ease back into..." Grandma cut across the mounting excitement.

A flash of white drew everyone's eye, as Gordon's paper plane finally dove, and landed in the kitchen sink with a plop.

Grandma pinned her grandson with a look.

"...Don't want you kiddos running before you can walk," she said, fishing the soggy plane from the water.

"International Rescue?"

"Hey John, what have you got for us?" Scott's beam met John's frown.

"There's been an explosion onboard a cruise ship, just off the coast of Norway. Initial reports suggest 5,000 souls aboard."

Smiles faded, and the first responders leapt to their shoots, ready to aid.

"We're on our way."

"Virgil, Alan - take Two and Four."

"Gordon, you're in One with me."

Gordon opened his mouth to protest, but a lifetime of discipline held his tongue.

Suit up now, argue en route.

Gordon strapped in, just as John's blue hologram materialized.

"Patching coordinates."

"FAB. Thunderbird One is Go!"

Scott's Bird took to the sky, seemingly fuelled with all the pent up energy Scott had been bottling for the last however-many-months.

"Oh how I've missed saying that!" The pilot beamed as One shredded the clouds in her wake.

"Safe journey." John blinked out.

Scott allowed a moment to pass.

"Alright, have at it."

"Like you don't know!"

"I'm guessing your trunks are in a twist because Alan's in Four, and you're stuck here with me?"

"Uh...duh!"

"Look. You and I will arrive way sooner than Two. It'll give you the chance to assess what we're working with. As soon as Four's on scene, we'll do a switch; but water rescues are your strong suit. I want you to take the lead on this."

Gordon blinked.

Well, damn.

He'd lead missions before, in and out of the water; but nothing to this scale.

"Yo fishface?"

"Huh?"

Scott turned to face him, a paternal-like love in his eyes.

"You've got this."

He had this.

Scott's words circled in his mind, but gradually receded like an outgoing tide, as more and more of the stricken ship came into view.

One circled the aptly named Atlantis.

"Blimey."

The crew were doing admirably, mustering lifeboats off the port side, but flames pluming with black smoke barrelled through the starboard decks, rendering visibility on that half of the ship, a resounding zero. Just under half the available lifeboats were engulfed.

"Not sure this is strictly a water rescue. Could have done with the sonic cannons, not Four." It hurt to say it, but it was true.

"Two should have just about enough clean agents on board we can target the blaze with from the air. The real test will be keeping everyone calm, and making sure no other combustibles add to the blaze."

"Better get to work." Gordon agreed.

"You good for me to lower you down?"

"Aye aye Cap!"

"John, can you slave One? We're heading aboard the Atlantis."

"FAB."

Gordon clipped on his line and prepared to descend. From the moment Scott opened One's hatch, the noise from the luxury liner was deafening.

The Olympics had been loud, but for all the chants, the cheering, and applause; none of it compared...not to this.

Louder still, was the groan of bowing metal, and the violent roar of flames.

"Be prepared for anything when we get down there," his brother warned.

Somehow, Gordon just knew that the ship wasn't the "anything" Scott was referring to.

God, he hoped there was no foul play.

Last thing they needed was The Hood and his cronies on their first mission back.

“MOVE BACK!”

A member of the ship's entertainment crew dressed in a glittering tasselled dress bellowed, as the crowd flocked forwards.

It wasn't uncommon for those caught up in a disaster to run towards their unmistakable blue uniforms. International Rescue had become to so many, a bastion of hope. A hand reaching out in the darkness.

But this many people? Pushing. Jostling. Panicking.

“There are children here at the front! MOVE BACK!”

Gordon unclipped his harness, and helped clear a postage stamp space for Scott.

The entertainer - Luana, Gordon noted by the tag on her dress, pleaded for backup with her eyes.

It was a shame. Luana was managing the situation just the same as he was about to, but apparently a blue jumpsuit held more authority than a glittering dress.

He gestured for the mic.

“Passengers of Atlantis. This is International Rescue. We ask that you please remain calm, and listen to your designated crew members. Myself and my brother, Scott will work to ensure that everyone is safely evacuated.”

“There aren't enough boats!” A voice from the crowd cried.

“Thunderbird Two is enroute, as are a number of nearby vessels. We ask for your cooperation and trust. This way, everyone can be evacuated - safely.”

“So what's the plan?” Luana murmured, facing away from the crowd.

Gordon took a second.

“Okay, listen up! You all performed a rescue drill when boarding the ship. Everyone who's muster points were on the port side of the deck - that is this side, please WALK calmly to the area that was marked out for you. Everyone else, remain here with me.”

The crowd dithered, momentarily.

Scott gestured for the mic.

“You heard the man, let's keep things moving in a calm and orderly fashion.”

The crowd began to thin, as the crew led a number of passengers to the available lifeboats.

Luana’s shoulders dropped a fraction. “What about starboard?”

Scott gave a nod to Gordon, gesturing for him to take the lead.

He had this.

Gordon swiped open a line to John.

Just as a further explosion sounded.

[quad-nova]

any way in a modern linked universe wind is in like a remote/home school co-op because he lives on an island with canonically a total four (4) school aged kids and no physical school so he does online classes with people from different islands, which is how he originally meets like medli and makar. tetra’s boat got that satellite internet so he sits in his 9th grade english zoom call and discusses great expectations with some teacher who lives on windfall and then the second he leaves the call he and tetra have an hour to commit pirate crimes until he has to be back on for geometry.

(the pirate crimes wind and tetra commit are not the act of exploring uninhabited islands, actually - i'm imagining tetra's boat to be like a offshore ketch (since its carrying a crew most of the time and because i want the a e s t h e t i c that comes from having multiple sails, but i also want link and tetra to ditch the rest of their crew and go off on their own) so they can probably sail at 6-8 knots (7-9 mph) which makes leaving territorial waters* (12 nautical miles (~14 regular miles)) a viable day trip adventure for them. the government of hyrule defines piracy as (conveniently for me) "acts that endanger the safe navigation of ships" **(and ive decided sailing without a boating license is included in this list along with, ya know, the usual things like seizing control of a ship or plundering distressed vessels (has tetra's crew ever seized control of a ship or plundered a distressed vessel? who knows, certainly not a court of law)) gonzo has a valid boating license and tends to be at the helm since it causes the least problems if they get questioned at port. tetra, however, (as an unfortunate side effect of being born in secret to escape unspecified hyrule royal family political turmoil(context pending)) does not legally exist in the eyes of the law, and therefore has not only no boating license, but also no legal identification at all. therefore, the act of sailing on the open seas without a license counts as a "endangering the safe navigation of ships" in international waters ∴ piracy)

four is home schooled because he refuses to learn anything that he isnt intensely interested in, so grandpa smith threw in the towel years ago and just counts his 16 hour long deep dive on 18th century occult practices as a history assignment. he'd love to push for some grammar lessons today but four has already disappeared into the garage to use a disassembled microwave to do fractal wood burning*** on the handle of a bowie knife he made out of a broken crescent wrench.

*contiguous zones? economic exclusion zones? never heard of them, its my half thought out modern au, the bureaucracy only exists in ways that are convenient for me

** us law defines acts of piracy that endanger the safe navigation of ships as: seizing or exercising control of a ship by force or threat of force, performing an act of violence against a person onboard a ship, destroying a ship or its cargo, placing or causing to be placed on a ship a device that could destroy or damage the ship and its cargo, destroying or damaging maritime navigational facilities or interfering with their operation, communicating navigational information that is known to be false but likely to be believed, plundering distressed vessels, corruption of seamen, depredation at sea, privateering, injuring or killing a person while committing any of those acts listed, and attempting or conspiring to commit those acts listed. i choose to believe that tetra has committed a third or more of this list

*** there have been 34 reported deaths from fractal wood burning, do not attempt.

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Phlox

By Ames

For many Enterprise fans, Phlox is a highlight. As a Denobulan, he shines through the show as someone with a different perspective than what the early-days astronauts that serve with him on the crew can often comprehend. He has different medical practices than the audience is accustomed to seeing on Star Trek and his menagerie of animals is a lot of fun. But for your A Star to Steer Her By hosts, Phlox might be just a rung above Archer as characters we just don’t have the taste for.

“Offputting” is the sentiment that came up most frequently regarding how we found the dear doctor. When he wasn’t hiding behind his unique culture to justify his obnoxiousness and tactlessness, he could be medically inept, ethically problematic, and downright offensive. This is going to be another of those blogposts that swings wildly between the good and bad moments, perhaps like Rom’s did. So grab someone else’s celery, your tongue scraper, and your own toenail clippings to prepare to read on below and listen to this week’s diatribe on the podcast (shuffle over to timestamp 42:20). It’s time to feed the bat.

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Let’s just see where it goes Phlox, for better or for worse, serves as Trek’s most prominent representation of a person in a healthy polyamorous relationship. We learn in “Dear Doctor” that he has three wives, who each have two other husbands, and we have to applaud the eponymous dear doctor when he is fully honest and transparent about his romantic situation with a totally game Crewman Cutler.

Duck Season! Rabbit Season! A few episodes after Phlox condemns an alien race to death (more on that in the Worst Moments list), Phlox evidently changes his mind on interfering with the evolution of sentient species in “Rogue Planet.” And good thing too, because he’s able to create a masking agent that saves the wraiths from being brutally killed by those pesky hunters.

The one with the waggly tail Though there’s a lot to dislike about “A Night in Sickbay,” you’ve got to give some credit to Phlox for going above and beyond in helping to cure Porthos of the disease he picked up on the Kreetassans’ planet. The doctor doesn’t even understand why someone would care enough to invest energy in curing a simple animal, but he still pulls out all the stops in getting the puppy on his four feet.

Doctor-patient confidentiality I’ve got to admit that I totally expected Phlox to blab to the Vulcans onboard in “Stigma” that T’Pol has Pa’nar syndrome and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t (it was that loose-tongued Yuris who totally spills the beans!). Granted, his attempt to weasel information out of the Vulcans failed laughably, but Phlox respects his patients’ privacy. This time, at least…

Antaran Lives Matter First off, there were better ways to have written an episode like “The Breach,” because Phlox doesn’t develop at all as a character during it. It turns out all his growth was done years ago and he just tells us about it. But hey, at least it’s nice to know that there are anti-racist Denobulans out there who can treat an Antaran like Hudak like a person despite societal racism!

I have no intention of turning into one of those cybernetic creatures Not only does Phlox effectively cure being assimilated into a Borg in “Regeneration” (someone inform Janeway!), but he also treats his infection with the seriousness it deserves. When Hoshi offers to sit with him, he warns her away in case he suddenly turns. He even concocts a neural toxin to kill him in case his cure doesn’t work, all to make sure the Borginess doesn’t spread.

It’s as if it never existed at all I’ve tried to consciously not to include mere instances that were literally Phlox doing his job as a physician, but this one’s worth mentioning. Maybe it’s just because I like the episode “Twilight,” but it’s also commendable to see Phlox dedicate himself so selflessly to curing Archer’s amnesia in such a very clever way, and it ends up resetting the timeline, so everyone wins!

I don’t just remember Trip’s childhood, I remember mine We’ll get to all the horrible things Phlox does in “Similitude” in a second, but for the moment, let’s just appreciate that the doctor’s rapport with Sim as he grew up was very sweet. It was probably aided by the fact that the mimetic simbiot grew up in three days, so parenting couldn’t have been very hard, but we got the impression that Phlox is indeed a proud papa.

Only the lonely (dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah) I’d give Phlox more credit for surviving the anomaly and getting the ship through safely while the crew was all comatose in “Doctor’s Orders” if it weren’t just a carbon copy of “One” with Phlox swapped for Seven of Nine. But if you forget that all other Star Trek exists and view this in a vacuum, it’s a good episode for Phlox! And he takes great care of Porthos!

This is between you and your doctor One more example of Phlox executing doctor-patient confidentiality, which should be a low bar for a physician to achieve and you’ll see why I’m bringing that up when you get to the Worst Moments list. But he definitely performs in accordance with medical ethics in “Damage” when T’Pol comes to him because of her trellium-d addiction and he helps her without blabbing!

No wonder you erase memories. Your behavior is appalling. Phlox tries his darnedest all through “Observer Effect” to save Trip and Hoshi (without the use of Lyssarrian desert larvae even!) when we all know it’s a fool’s errand. But his best moment here comes when he meets the Organians who are testing humanity and he absolutely cusses them out for the immoral bullshit they are engaging in! You get ‘em, doc!

I’m certain there are easier ways for you to recruit a new lab assistant Probably the best I’ve personally seen Phlox comes way toward the end of the series in “Affliction” and “Divergence.” When captured by Klingons and forced to create augment Klingons, Phlox initially stands his ground and would rather die than perfect augments. But then he works with Dr. Antaak to trick General K’Vagh into curing their admittedly idiotic augment virus instead!

—

Worst moments

Have you smelled Ensign Socorro after she exercises? One of the earliest impressions we get of Phlox gives him a creeper reputation, and that’s in “Fight or Flight” when he’s peeping on Crewmen Bennett and Haynem, assuming that they intend to mate, and pondering if they’d let him watch. So right after the pilot, he’s already on my bad side as some kind of tactless pervert. Oh and he also sniffs the crew. Red flag!

Grand Theft Celery This one’s become a sort of running gag on the podcast, but it’s also another example of Phlox rubbing us the wrong way. This man is a serial celery thief. For some obstreperous reason, he finds it socially acceptable to steal food off of other people’s plates, as we see in “The Andorian Incident.” If you’re thinking he just doesn’t know human customs yet, well, he does it again in “Shadows of P’Jem”!

Would you care to recite the Invocation of Renewal with us? This one’s my bias seeping through, but there’s something squicky about watching Phlox lead someone else’s culture in their invocation in “Cold Front.” It could all have been fixed with a word swap! The pilgrim leader doesn’t ask Phlox to “lead” their prayer; he says “recite with us.” And yet Phlox is presumptuous enough to make it all about him and start narrating on his own.

That’s not how it works... that’s not how any of this works! All these examples have been tenuous at best so far, but here’s undoubtedly the worst thing Phlox ever does. The ethics displayed in “Dear Doctor” are just atrocious, as Phlox refuses to help cure the Valakians of their disease even though he’s already solved it and even though the Prime Directive doesn’t even exist yet. But worse than genocide through inaction and then patting himself on the back for it is how Phlox justifies it to Archer with a definition of evolution that is an affront to science. I could never forgive Phlox after this episode for this wrongheadedness alone.

Eye of newt, wool of bat, and toenails of Phlox While we can still be gracious to Phlox for saving Porthos in “A Night in Sickbay,” for the entire rest of that episode he is utterly insufferable. Is he this obnoxious when he’s got a sapient patient in sickbay? Why can’t he loudly clip his toes or scrape his tongue or chase the bat around in his own quarters when Archer is trying to sleep? And then to suggest to the captain that he’s got a thing for T’Pol, as if she doesn’t get it from every angle already. Shut! Up! Phlox!

Has she offered to give you a rose petal bath? You know how we were giving Phlox credit for a normalized portrayal of polygamy in “Dear Doctor”? Well all that goes out the window in “Stigma” when his wife Feezal sets her sights on Trip. Phlox creepily tries to push Trip into banging his wife, as if being poly were now mandatory, even though it’s obvious that her constant sexual assault is making him uncomfortable.

Let’s all go to the lobby I get it, pally, that you don’t have movies on your home planet, but when you’re watching something for movie night, do you see anyone else talking incessantly through the flick? Read the room, jerkbag. We see in “Horizon” that he just can’t shut his damn mouth while watching a movie with a bunch of crewmates who are trying to enjoy the show and T’Pol has to shush him!

Sue this man for malpractice By season three, we’ve stopped using the decon chamber as a peepshow and need to get our jollies somewhere else, so Phlox decides to totally lie to Tucker, give him a placebo instead of the drugs he prescribed, and then force T’Pol to practice Vulcan neuropressure on Trip (which is NOT her job) in “The Xindi,” all so the fanboys can wank to Jolene Blalock with her top off some more. It’s offensive and juvenile and sexist and I blame Phlox for all of it.

Soylent green is Sim! While we were a little harsh on Janeway for how she treated Tuvix, his existence came about through an accident. But Phlox creating Sim in “Similitude” was on purpose and it’s morally all over the place. Not only does he opt to create sapient life just to harvest his organs, but he specifically omits telling Archer that creating simbiots with Lyssarrian larvae is banned AND that there might be a way to extend Sim’s lifespan, which is still lying, dude!

Her body, Phlox’s choice So we gave Phlox credit above for not outing T’Pol’s Pa’nar syndrome or trellium-d addiction at various points in the series, but here’s an example of him just bypassing doctor-patient confidentiality entirely. In “Chosen Realm,” he treats Indava’s request for an abortion with surprising respect, especially for the time, but then he goes and tattles to Archer right after! Not cool.

A mind is a terrible thing to lose While the whole deception gambit in “Stratagem” made the Archer bad list with much gusto, we’ve got to ream Phlox out a little bit for it too. Not only did he perform the memory wipe (those things are always questionable in their ethics!), but it was all his idea in the first place! These men are supposed to be the heroes of the show and they’re messing with Degra’s brain!

I can’t blame those men for the way they reacted The writers missed a trick in handling Phlox’s attack by racists in “Home.” The yokels who start the bar brawl are just plain xenophobes. And yet after the show’s 9/11 season, Phlox outright states that it’s okay to racially profile people because of the circumstances. Uh, no, it’s not. And what a terrible excuse to justify racism in the early 2000s. Unpuff your stupid face and tell us these people are assholes because they are.

—

What are we missing? So many people claim Phlox is their favorite Enterprise character, but we’re just not seeing it through the selfishness and terrible definition of evolution. But he’s also the last of the more major characters, so come back next week to watch us struggle to come up with things the sidelined main cast even did. You can also keep following along with our rewatch of Discovery over on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast, have a succulent Chinese meal with us over on Facebook or Bluesky, and unhand my celery, you miscreant!