#Elaine mazlish

[eternally--mortal]

So I just came across this video for the first time and I wanted to say something about it —as in, I feel compelled. It was captioned with the sentence “this is the perfect response to a 4-year-old who thinks she’s ugly.” The video I’ve linked of the scenario is a little longer and is outlined fully below. It is captioned “Little Girl Says She is Ugly And is Quickly Corrected.” I’ll let you draw your own conclusions when I’ve said my piece.

The woman in this video seems to be a very loving woman who has deep and loving concerns for the child involved. I’m going to let you know what I think about how she tried to help.

Let’s take it apart piece by piece:

Hairdresser (family friend): For real, like I’m not even playing with you. You won’t even like it.

Child: I’m so ugly.

—let’s take a moment and look at the situation. The little girl seems to be looking towards the camera, possibly at a reflection or image of herself. She seems upset. Children tend to use big language, even when describing small situations of inconvenience, because they have a limited vocabulary. It is completely possible that this child does not like how her hair looks, either because it’s not finished yet or because she has decided she does not want this particular look or because she did not know how to ask for the look she actually wanted and feels that her desires were misinterpreted. It’s also possible that she feels ugly for an unrelated reason.

H: *gasps, seemingly horrified and shocked*

C: What?

—the child is obviously surprised. She was not particularly upset when she described that she felt ugly. It seems she felt she was stating a fact that carried no devastating emotional value. She does not understand why the adult is distressed.

H: Don’t say that! Don’t say that —Don’t say that. You are so pretty.

—the child seems confused, not by the words, but by the response. The adult here is employing what I call “shut down language.” She is denying the little girl’s feelings because the girl used a statement (“I’m so ugly”) that made the adult uncomfortable. The adult’s knee-jerk reaction suggests that she is insecure about this phrase and about hearing it from a child. Rather than exploring what the child feels and why she called herself ugly, the adult has chosen to deny the child’s feelings. Denying a child’s feelings is a big no-no in conversation. It discourages a child from trusting you with their emotional honesty, and it discourages them from exploring their own feelings. You have made them feel as though they have done something wrong by expressing an emotion or stating a ‘fact’. In turn, the adult escalates the situation by making it about their own distress rather than listening to the child and getting to the heart of the problem.

H: You— When you look at yourself you’re supposed to say “I am so pretty.” You are so pretty.

—here the child begins to look ashamed. She was not expressing negative emotion before. Just confusion. Now she is being made to feel as though she has done something wrong. She looks away from the woman and at the floor. The woman in question is now giving her more orders. Now the girl is being told that she is not allowed to express negative emotions about herself or feel bad about her appearance. She is only allowed to call herself pretty, even when she does not feel pretty. The adult keeps using the word ‘pretty,’ but she is not describing what she means. Children appreciate specific information. Instead this woman is repeating the phrase as though it were a condemnation on the child. Her tone suggests that the child has done something wrong.

H: Do you hear me?

—the woman grabs the face of the child and forces her to look up. She has not allowed the child to speak. She continues to escalate the situation. Her actions suggest that this child is not allowed to express any type of autonomy in an emotional situation—emotional or physical. This woman seems to be acting out of kind-hearted desperation. She does not understand how to step back.

H: You got the prettiest little dimples. You are too cute. Aww…

C: *begins to cry*

—Now the child starts to cry. Do you see how the adult has escalated the situation? What could have been an easy moment of ‘You feel ugly? Tell me about that.’ And ‘your hair? I understand. It can be really hard to feel beautiful when your hair is only partially finished. Let me show you some pictures so you know what it’ll look like when we’re done. If you still don’t like it, then next time we can try something different’ suddenly turns into a complicated situation and a child in tears. A child who was not distressed before suddenly becomes deeply confused, unexpectedly ashamed, and emotionally distressed because the adult in the room didn’t bother asking her a few questions and letting her speak. Just look at how little the child has spoken in this interaction.

H: Aryionna, oh you gon’ make me cry.

C: *cries harder*

—now the child is being told that she is responsible for this woman’s emotional distress —that if she expresses ‘negative’ emotions openly, it is going to have a negative impact on the people around her —that she is responsible for keeping her composure, or else she is going to hurt people —that she is doing something wrong by expressing distress over a situation that this woman escalated

H: You’re not ugly. Baby girl. Oh my God, Aryionna. You’re not ugly. Baby girl.

—a repetition of emotional denial and escalation, stated in a voice that is distressed and accusatory

H: You are so pretty. You look like you have this beautiful chocolaty skin, like you are just so gorgeous. You’ve got these dimples. Remember what I told you? How many people got two dimples? Nobody.

—finally we are being specific. We are identifying specific traits that a child can observe and relate to in order to help her understand what is meant by ‘pretty.’ This is positive, because it grounds the child in the conversation. The issue is that we still don’t understand exactly why the child called herself ugly, therefore the added information may only cause more distress, because all of a sudden we’re bringing up new topics that the child might not have considered without allowing the child to address the old topic. Now we’re telling the child to split her attention between processing the old information and the new, as well as escalating her emotional distress without allowing her to speak. Specifics are very positive for a child, but only when she has the chance to process them properly.

H:You got two, let me see you smile! Let me see, let me see. You got two dimples! I don’t even have two dimples! Girl, let me see your teeth. Look at them pretty white teeth.

—now a child who has been carried into emotional distress is being told by the perpetrator that she needs to smile. Have you ever been told to smile by someone when you’re in emotional distress? Because I have. It doesn’t go over well. It sends the message ‘this person has no interest in my actual emotions. They don’t want to help me process anything. They don’t want to listen to me. They don’t want to deal with me. They want the instant gratification of seeing me smile because if they can control my outward appearance and make me look happy, they no longer feel obligated to worry whether I actually am happy.’ Never tell another person to smile when they are in emotional distress. You are making the situation about you rather than attending to their needs. Even children can understand this. Emotionally, they are hurt from being told to smile, even if they don’t know the words yet to describe exactly what they’re feeling and why. I can tell you, at this moment this child is likely feeling uglier and less loved than she was at the beginning of the conversation. The adult here is trying very hard to fix the situation, but she is making it more about her than she is about the child. She feels a need to control and fix rather than to trust and listen. Emotional conversations require mutual respect. That means trusting a child to emotionally sort through something without you giving them orders.

H: No, you’re not gon’ cry.

—now the child is being told that she is not allowed to cry. She has been led to believe that referring to herself as ugly is shameful wrongdoing that leads to tears. She has been told that she is not allowed to feel negatively about her appearance. She has been told that she is required to feel beautiful. She has been told that any other feeling is invalid. She has been told that she is responsible for managing her emotions so that other people do not feel distressed as well. She has been told she needs to smile. And now she is being told that she is not allowed to cry. She needs to bottle up her emotions in order to make the people around her feel good.

H: You are a beautiful little girl. And you are pretty. You are the prettiest girl in your class. *grabs the child’s face and turns her back so the two of them are face-to-face in close quarters, even though the child is showing signs of discomfort by turning away* Boom. Tell them straight up, when you go to school tomorrow, you’ve got your hair done, you’re gonna be like, oh look at my hair. Oh, look at my shoes. Look at my clothes. Baby girl, you are beautiful. Black is beautiful, and if nobody ever tell you, I will tell you, you are gorgeous. You are so pretty.

—so now this child is being told to compare herself to the other children in her class. What if she doesn’t feel as pretty as another girl? But she’s been told that being the prettiest is what matters. She is being told to brag about her appearance rather than investigating her internal, emotional life. She is being told that her happiness hinges on beauty and that her beauty hinges on comparison to others.

H: And you are gonna grow up, and you’re gonna be everything that you can be. You are gonna be the greatest nail tech, the greatest beautician, the greatest lawyer, the greatest doctor, the greatest teacher, whatever you wanna be. The greatest speaker, the greatest entrepreneur.

—if you tell a child they are going to be the best, but you do not give them the tools to emotionally develop, you are setting them up for failure, or at least for a very stressful and possibly lonely life. It is better to offer an open ear and a willingness to help than to put pressure on a child to be the best. This child has already been told that she’s expected to remain beautiful. Now she’s being told that she’s also expected to be successful. Not to mention, the adult in this conversation is piling on topics. This is a lot to process for a little girl without letting her actually talk through it all. And we still haven’t gotten to the heart of what actually made her feel ugly. What a horrible rollercoaster ride of emotions being thrown at a child that has been rendered too emotional to properly speak about them.

H: Whatev- What you want to be? What you wanna be when you get older?

C: *draws her hands up to her face* Uhh, the teacher.

H: You want to be, uh *pulls child’s hands down* Your teacher mean to you?

C: *nods*

H: *still holding onto child’s arms, gesturing with them* So guess what, when you become a teacher, you don’t be mean. *drops arms* *points at child’s chest* You be a nice teacher. You be- You going to be Miss- Miss Cotton. That’s what they going to call you. Miss Cotton.

—so finally the child is given a chance to speak, but the adult still fights to maintain control. She holds the little girl’s arms and moves them around. She tells the little girl what type of teacher she’s going to be. She doesn’t ask the child about it and let her speak.

H: You gotta be happy *touches child’s face where her dimples would be if she were smiling* all the time because you’re a little kid. You only four, and you should not know nothing about being ugly, because you are so beautiful.

—look, I understand what she’s saying here. She’s saying that it’s an injustice for a small child to have to endure pain and suffering. But that’s not how she’s saying it. She’s giving this information to this child as an order. All of a sudden, this little girl is being told that she’s only ever allowed to be happy. The gestures imply that happiness is signified by an outward smile rather than an internal feeling. This child is being told that she’s not allowed to know how it feels to be ugly. She’s being told that beautiful people are not allowed to express emotion because they are beautiful. She is being told that this is a good thing, and that she has no say. That is not comforting. That is extremely distressing to a small child. Children don’t process logic the same way that grown ups do. The most developed part of a child’s brain is the part that processes emotions. That’s how children make decisions. This woman is telling a small child that this child is not allowed to use the most developed part of her brain — the part that needs to grow and develop in a healthy way in order for this child to live a healthy life.

H: You hold your head up *holds the child’s cheeks between her open hands and points it upward and holds it there* You hold your head up. Okay?

—the adult is still taking full control. Her words are spoken in a demanding tone. She is not asking the child what she wants. She is not even allowing the child to hold up her own head.

H: Okay?

C: *nods*

H: can I have a hug?

C: *moves in for a hug, head angled down*

—this child is obviously still upset. More upset than she was at the beginning of this conversation

H: I love you. You are so pretty. . . . And you got a beautiful heart, and you just have some good manners.

—love is tied once again directly to beauty by verbal proximity. The beautiful heart is listed almost as an afterthought. It is being mentioned for the first time in the conversation.

H: Come on, let’s finish your hair girl.

C: No, I don’t wanna finish my hair.

—this child is expressing a concrete feeling for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. It is quite possible that her feeling of ugliness had something to do with her hair. She is trying to express a truth, which she hasn’t been allowed to properly do for this entire conversation.

H: Come on, we ain’t got no choice. We ready to get out of this chair. Come on.

—the child is told that she has no choice. That someone else is making a decision for her. That she is not allowed to express her frustration, even though the adult is allowed to escalate the situation and express her own feelings of distress.

H: Girl, you just almost made me cry, no lie. Uh-uhhh.

—the video ends with the adult holding the little girl responsible, once again, for her distress and her lack of emotional regulation.

This is not how you teach a child to love herself or to feel beautiful or to regulate emotions. This is how you teach a child to believe that adults don’t care, children aren’t allowed to express thoughts and feelings, and the voices and feelings of children don’t matter. This woman very obviously loves this child and wants to help, but even loving people can royally screw up a child by not listening and by escalating emotional distress. Nearly everything said here was emotionally damaging, not matter the motivation.

I encourage anyone who struggles in conversation — whether with children or with adults — to read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It’s not a perfect book, but it has a wealth of great principles for communicating with children that also extend to adult conversation. It’s a great help when you’re at a loss of what to say in potentially emotional conversations like these, but also in every day conversations. It does a great job of teaching how to help kids problem solve and personally develop and how to lessen the stress of engaging with another person. It helps us to translate our good motives into the proper methods so that we don’t hurt other people with shut down language and an instinctual need to maintain control or to seek instant gratification by forcing kids / other people to feel what we want them to feel.

[jasmancer]

just remembered one of my favorite little details in atsv which was a shot of Peter reading "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's such a great bit of visual storytelling to show how much Peter values and prioritizes being a good parent which was completely inspired by his relationship w Miles :) It was so lovely to see how mentoring Miles made Peter a better person!! That's just the effect Miles has on ppl <3

[tedthefather]

As parents, we all want to see our children thrive and reach their full potential. One of the ways we can help them do that is through the use of positive reinforcement techniques. These techniques have been found to be effective in shaping behavior and promoting positive emotions in children. The benefits of positive reinforcement are based on human psychological factors and neurology, specifically the release of dopamine, the body's natural motivator incentivized by reward. When children are consistently rewarded for desired behavior, the brain forms new connections that make it easier for them to repeat that behavior in the future.

The neuroplasticity of the brain plays a key role in the effectiveness of positive reinforcement techniques. The brain's ability to change and adapt in response to new experiences and environments can help to establish positive habits and behaviors that can last a lifetime. This means that positive reinforcement techniques can be effective not only in childhood but also in adulthood.

On the other hand, yelling at children can have serious negative consequences on both the parent-child relationship and the child's emotional and psychological well-being. According to an article on Fatherly, it can damage the parent-child relationship, harm children's emotional and psychological well-being, lead to negative coping mechanisms, and set a poor example for children. Yelling is not effective in the long term as it does not teach children how to correct their behavior and make better choices.

One of the most important aspects of effective communication with children is understanding their perspective. The book "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish provides useful tips and strategies for communicating with children in a way that they can understand and respond to. It emphasizes the importance of empathy and active listening, and provides specific examples of how to use these techniques in real-life situations.

It is also important to remember that your role as a parent is to guide and influence their behavior, rather than trying to control it. These approaches are similar to leadership principles, where the leader's role is to guide and influence the team, rather than trying to control them. Leadership principles such as clear communication, setting clear expectations, and providing positive reinforcement can also be applied in parenting. Clear communication, for example, can help to ensure that your child understands what is expected of them and can help to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Setting clear expectations can help to establish boundaries and promote a sense of security for your child.

In summary, using positive reinforcement techniques, effective communication strategies, leadership principles, and treating children with respect and kindness, can be a powerful way to help children shape positive behaviors and improve their cognitive and emotional development. Remember, it's essential to consult a child development expert or a therapist for personalized advice and to be adaptable and open to try different strategies in order to find what works best for your child. It's also important to remember that every child is unique and may respond differently to different parenting techniques, so it's essential to be adaptable and open to trying different strategies. By using these techniques, you can help your child develop a positive mindset, strong communication skills, and the ability to make good choices, which will serve them well throughout their life.

[book-zap]

6 Best Books for New Parents

Becoming a new parent is a life-changing experience filled with excitement, joy, and challenges. Whether you’re navigating the early days of sleepless nights or learning how to support your child’s development, the right advice can make all the difference. These six books offer expert guidance and practical tips to help new parents through the journey of parenthood.

1. "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp

Dr. Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block is a must-read for new parents who want to soothe their baby and get more sleep. Karp introduces the “5 S’s” technique—swaddling, side/stomach position, shushing, swinging, and sucking—to calm fussy babies and help them sleep better. His gentle, evidence-based approach is easy to follow and has helped countless parents around the world.

Key takeaway: Learn the “5 S’s” to calm your baby quickly and improve their sleep patterns.

2. "What to Expect the First Year" by Heidi Murkoff

What to Expect the First Year is a comprehensive guide that covers everything new parents need to know during their baby’s first 12 months. Written by Heidi Murkoff, the author of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, this book provides answers to common questions about baby care, feeding, sleep, and development. It’s a reliable resource for parents who want clear, practical advice throughout the first year of parenting.

Key takeaway: A month-by-month guide that helps new parents navigate baby care and development with confidence.

3. "Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting" by Emily Oster

Economist Emily Oster offers a unique, data-driven approach to parenting in Cribsheet. Instead of relying on opinions or old wives’ tales, Oster breaks down scientific research to help parents make informed decisions about everything from breastfeeding to sleep training. This book is perfect for new parents who prefer to base their choices on evidence rather than anecdotes.

Key takeaway: Use data and research to make more informed, confident decisions as a new parent.

4. "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

The Whole-Brain Child introduces parents to brain-based parenting techniques that foster healthy emotional and intellectual development in their children. Written by neuropsychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel and parenting expert Tina Payne Bryson, this book explains how understanding your child’s brain can help you manage tantrums, improve communication, and support their mental growth. The strategies provided are easy to implement and backed by neuroscience.

Key takeaway: Understand how your baby’s brain works to promote emotional regulation and cognitive development.

5. "Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting" by Pamela Druckerman

Bringing Up Bébé offers an entertaining and insightful look into French parenting techniques, which focus on fostering independence, patience, and good behavior from an early age. Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist living in Paris, shares how French parents manage to raise well-behaved children without sacrificing their own lives. The book is filled with practical tips that can help parents set clear boundaries while encouraging their child’s autonomy.

Key takeaway: Learn the French parenting philosophy that emphasizes independence, balance, and patience.

6. "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Communication is key to building a strong parent-child relationship, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk provides invaluable strategies to improve communication with your children. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish offer practical tools to reduce conflict, foster cooperation, and encourage open dialogue, even with very young children. This book is an essential guide for new parents who want to build positive, respectful relationships with their kids.

Key takeaway: Develop effective communication skills that help you connect with your child and reduce power struggles.

Conclusion

The first few years of parenting can be overwhelming, but these six books provide the tools and knowledge new parents need to navigate this exciting journey with confidence. From soothing your baby to fostering emotional and cognitive growth, these resources will help you raise happy, healthy children while maintaining balance in your own life.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

[pagebypagereviews]

Top 10 Essential Books Every Parent Must Read for Successful Child Development Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences life has to offer. Parents are constantly searching for the best ways to nurture their children, provide guidance, and lay the foundation for their future success. Amid the ocean of advice, recommendations, and theories, how can parents navigate the complexities of raising children effectively? This article curates a list of 10 indispensable books that every parent should read, offering valuable insights into child development, family well-being, and practical advice for various stages of parenthood. These recommended reads address the myriad challenges parents face, from infant sleep patterns to teenage behavioral issues. Armed with the wisdom from these expertly authored books, parents can find solace in tried-and-tested strategies, scientific research, and heartwarming anecdotes. Whether you are a new parent bracing for the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, or a seasoned one grappling with the turbulent teenage years, these books promise to be a beacon guiding you through the storm. By equipping yourself with knowledge from these resources, you can foster a harmonious family environment, nurture your children’s unique talents, and ultimately, raise well-rounded, confident, and happy individuals. Plot: Each of the 10 books offers a unique plot that centers around different aspects of parenting and child development. Some books may focus on navigating the early stages of infancy, while others delve into the complexities of raising teenagers. For instance, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" provides a month-by-month guide to pregnancy, full of detailed information and practical advice for expecting parents. Similarly, "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson presents strategies on how to integrate different parts of a child’s brain for better emotional regulation and decision-making. Characters: The characters in these books often comprise real-life parents, children, and experts in the field of child development. In "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Charles Fay and Foster Cline, the characters include various composite sketches of parents and children facing everyday challenges, illustrating the book’s practical advice. In "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, characters include parents who have successfully implemented the love languages to improve their relationships with their children. The characters serve as both guides and real-world examples to make the advice more relatable and actionable. Writing Style: The writing style of these books varies considerably, from conversational and accessible to highly academic and data-driven. "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish employs a reader-friendly, conversational tone peppered with humor and real-life scenarios. On the other hand, "The Nurture Assumption" by Judith Rich Harris is more scholarly, presenting detailed analysis and supporting data from various studies. This diversity in writing styles ensures that parents with different preferences and needs can find a book that resonates with them. Setting: The settings for these books often span across different environments where parenting takes place, such as home, school, and various social settings. "Mind in the Making" by Ellen Galinsky explores scenarios in different environments that impact child development, from academic settings to familial interactions at home. Meanwhile, "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne focuses on the home setting, emphasizing the importance of reducing clutter and distractions to create a nurturing and calm environment for children. The settings provide valuable context and examples that help parents understand how to apply the principles in real-life situations. Unique Aspects: Each book brings its unique perspective

and approach to the table, offering parents a wealth of strategies, philosophies, and methods to consider. For example, "The Whole-Brain Child" uniquely combines neuroscience with practical parenting advice, illustrating how brain development affects behavior and emotional regulation. "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen stands out for its approach to discipline, emphasizing encouragement and mutual respect over punishment. Another unique aspect is seen in "The Montessori Toddler" by Simone Davies, which introduces parents to the Montessori method and how it can be applied at home to promote independence and curiosity in toddlers. The variety of unique perspectives ensures that parents can find approaches that align with their values and parenting style. Different Aspects or Subtopics Related to Parenting Books: Parenting books often address different aspects or subtopics within the broader realm of raising children and family advice. One prominent subtopic is emotional intelligence and how to foster it in children, as explored in "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman. This book provides strategies for helping children understand and manage their emotions, building a strong foundation for future interpersonal relationships. Another subtopic is the balance between work and family life. "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg discusses the challenges of this balance, offering insights and advice for mothers seeking to advance their careers while raising a family. Additionally, child development stages are thoroughly examined in books like "The Wonder Weeks" by Frans X. Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt, which provides a week-by-week guide to developmental changes and milestones in infants. Case studies and examples are often employed to provide real-world context, making the advice more practical and actionable for parents. Pros of Parenting Books Evidence-based Information Parenting books often provide evidence-based information grounded in research. This can help parents make informed decisions about child-rearing practices. The reliability of this information ensures that parents are not relying on anecdotal advice, which might not be effective. This adds a layer of confidence for parents when dealing with the challenges of raising children. Variety of Perspectives The diversity of perspectives in parenting books can offer parents multiple strategies for addressing common parenting challenges. This variety enables parents to choose the methods that align best with their values and their child’s personality. Having access to different viewpoints can lead to more well-rounded parenting methods and potentially better outcomes for children. Structured Guidance Parenting books usually offer structured guidance on specific topics such as sleep training, potty training, or dealing with adolescent issues. This type of structured information can be particularly useful for parents who prefer a methodical approach. It also provides a clear path to follow, which can be reassuring in stressful parenting situations. Cons of Parenting Books Overwhelming Information The sheer volume of information presented in parenting books can be overwhelming for some parents. With so many different opinions and strategies, parents can feel confused about which approach to take. This can lead to analysis paralysis, where they end up not implementing any of the advice. The excess of information can make the experience more stressful than helpful. One-Size-Fits-All Approach Some parenting books may adopt a one-size-fits-all approach, which may not be applicable to every child or family situation. Children have varied personalities, and what works for one might not work for another. This can result in frustration for parents trying to follow advice that is not effective for their specific circumstances. Lack of Personalization Parenting books cannot offer personalized advice tailored to individual family dynamics. Each family has unique challenges and strengths that general advice might not adequately address.

Parents seeking personalized solutions might find books lacking in this aspect, making it necessary to look for additional resources or professional consultations. Impact of Raising Children on User Experience Emotional Fulfillment Raising children can bring substantial emotional fulfillment, adding purpose and joy to parents' lives. The experience of nurturing and watching a child grow contributes positively to a parent's sense of well-being. This emotional reward often compensates for the challenges faced during parenting, making the overall experience enriching despite its ups and downs. Financial Strain Raising children often comes with significant financial responsibilities, from basic necessities to education and extracurricular activities. This financial strain can impact a family's quality of life and increase stress levels. Budgeting and financial planning become crucial aspects of the user experience, sometimes making it a less enjoyable journey. Time Constraints Raising children imposes time constraints, limiting the amount of free time parents have for themselves. This can lead to a reduction in personal hobbies, social interactions, and self-care activities. The lack of free time can make the parenting experience more exhausting and less enjoyable, affecting the overall quality of life. Impact of Family Advice on User Experience Emotional Support Receiving family advice can provide emotional support and comfort. Knowing there are trusted individuals who have faced similar parenting challenges can be reassuring. This emotional backing can bolster a parent’s confidence and reduce feelings of isolation, enhancing the overall parenting experience. Conflicting Opinions Family advice often comes with conflicting opinions, which can create confusion and stress for parents. Differing viewpoints from well-meaning relatives can make it harder to make decisions confidently. Navigating these differing opinions can complicate the parenting experience, sometimes leading to tension within the family. Experienced Insights Advice from experienced family members can offer practical, tried-and-tested solutions that are not available in books. These insights can be invaluable, offering shortcuts to effective parenting strategies. The lived experience behind such advice can make it more credible and relatable, easing the parenting journey. Impact of Child Development on User Experience Milestone Celebrations Tracking and celebrating developmental milestones can bring immense joy and satisfaction to parents. These moments offer tangible evidence of a child's growth and progress, which is emotionally rewarding. Highlighting such milestones enhances the sense of achievement and adds positivity to the overall parenting experience. Developmental Delays If a child experiences developmental delays, it can be a source of anxiety and stress for parents. Concerns about whether the child is meeting typical milestones might lead to excessive worry and self-doubt. The experience of dealing with delays can cloud the parenting journey, making it a challenging and emotional ordeal. Individual Growth Watching a child’s individual growth and personality development can be incredibly fulfilling. Personal achievements, even outside typical milestones, highlight the unique attributes of a child. This makes the parenting experience richer and more personalized, enhancing emotional bonds and increasing the sense of fulfillment. Impact of Parenthood on User Experience Identity Transformation Parenthood often transforms a person's identity, adding new dimensions to their self-concept. This transformation can be empowering, as it adds a sense of responsibility and purpose. However, it can also be disorienting as it may require sacrificing previous roles or ambitions, impacting the overall sense of self. Increased Responsibilities Parenthood brings a significant increase in daily responsibilities, ranging from basic caregiving to educational guidance. These responsibilities can be overwhelming and exhausting, particularly for new parents.

The constant demand can strain physical and mental health, making the experience more tiring than anticipated. Enhanced Life Perspective Parenthood can bring a more profound perspective on life, altering priorities and goals. Many parents find that their worldview becomes more holistic, focusing on long-term well-being and happiness. This shift can be enriching and fulfilling, adding depth and meaning to daily life, thus positively impacting the overall experience of parenthood. FAQ What are the best books on parenting? Choosing the best books on parenting depends on your specific needs and parenting style. However, some highly recommended titles include "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Charles Fay and Foster Cline, and "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. How can I encourage my child’s development? Encouraging child development involves creating a supportive and stimulating environment. Engage in activities that promote physical, emotional, cognitive, and social development. Read to your child daily, provide opportunities for play, establish routines, and encourage curiosity and exploration. Positive reinforcement and inclusive communication also play crucial roles. What are some techniques for effective discipline? Effective discipline techniques include setting clear and consistent rules, using positive reinforcement, applying time-outs appropriately, and employing natural consequences. It’s important to remain calm, avoid physical punishment, and focus on teaching rather than punishing. Building a strong parent-child relationship can also foster better behavior. How do I address behavioral problems in children? Addressing behavioral problems requires understanding the root cause of the behavior. Implement consistent routines and boundaries, offer choices to empower your child, and use positive reinforcement to encourage desirable behaviors. Often, communication and patience are key. Seeking advice from child psychologists or counselors can also be beneficial if problems persist. What should I know about child development milestones? Child development milestones are specific skills or behavior patterns typically seen in children at certain age ranges. These milestones cover physical, cognitive, social, and emotional development. Familiarizing yourself with these can help you monitor your child’s progress and identify any potential concerns early. But remember, every child develops at their own pace. How can I balance work and parenting effectively? Balancing work and parenting requires time management and setting priorities. Use available resources like family or professional childcare, communicate with your employer about flexible working arrangements, and set aside dedicated quality time with your children. Self-care is equally important to maintain your well-being and effectiveness as a parent. What role does nutrition play in a child’s development? Nutrition is crucial for a child’s overall development, affecting everything from brain function to physical growth. Ensure they have a balanced diet rich in essential nutrients, which includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins, and healthy fats. Minimize processed foods and sugars, and encourage healthy eating habits from a young age. How can I support my child’s education at home? Supporting your child’s education at home involves creating a conducive learning environment, being actively involved in their homework and school projects, and reading regularly together. Foster a positive attitude towards learning, establish a routine that includes dedicated study time, and communicate with your child’s teachers to stay informed about their academic progress. What is the importance of play in a child's life? Play is essential for a child's development as it promotes physical, cognitive, social, and emotional growth. Through play, children explore their environment, develop problem-solving skills, and learn to interact with others.

Play also aids in creativity and imagination. Encouraging a variety of play activities, both structured and unstructured, is beneficial. How do I help my child develop good social skills? Helping your child develop good social skills involves teaching them communication, empathy, and cooperation. Model positive social interactions, encourage them to participate in group activities, and playdates, and discuss social scenarios. Teaching them to express their emotions and resolve conflicts amicably also contributes to their social development. In conclusion, delving into the world of parenting books is undoubtedly one of the most valuable choices any parent can make, offering a treasure trove of insights and actionable advice. The selection of "10 Books Every Parent Should Read" comprises a well-rounded mix of expert opinions, research-based strategies, and heartwarming narratives that cater to every aspect of raising children, family dynamics, and child development. Each book on this list serves a unique purpose and delivers a substantial impact. From Dr. Spock’s time-tested wisdom in "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care" to Dr. Shefali Tsabary's transformative approach in "The Conscious Parent," these guides cover an extensive range of parenting styles and philosophies. Incorporating learnings from these books empowers parents to navigate the complexities of child-rearing with confidence and compassion. Books like "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Charles Fay and Foster Cline emphasize the importance of striking a balance between discipline and nurturing, guiding parents to raise children who are responsible, resilient, and capable of making sound decisions. Meanwhile, "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson combines neuroscientific research with practical advice, helping parents understand and nurture their child’s developing mind in a holistic manner. One cannot overlook the inclusion of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, renowned for its effective communication strategies that foster mutual respect and understanding between parents and their children. Additionally, "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne encourages parents to declutter their family lives, allowing children to thrive in a more tranquil and less hectic environment. Exploring these books not only equips parents with tools and techniques but also provides a sense of solidarity and reassurance that they are not alone in their journey. Books like "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman and "The Gift of Failure" by Jessica Lahey offer fresh perspectives on emotional intelligence and embracing the learning process through failures. Ultimately, these 10 must-read books for parents amalgamate the wisdom of leading child development experts, seasoned parent advisors, and veteran authors, collectively providing an indispensable resource. Investing time in these reads promises profound benefits, fostering better parent-child relationships, encouraging wholesome child development, and creating a nurturing family environment where every member can flourish. By integrating the insights and advice from these books, parents can cultivate a nurturing, informed approach to parenthood, ensuring that their children grow up feeling loved, understood, and well-prepared for the future.

[xionisgr]

ISBN: 978-960-16-1610-0 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine, Nyberg Lisa, Templeton Rosalyn Anstine Εκδότης: Εκδόσεις Πατάκη Σειρά: Διδακτική πράξη και θεωρία, Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 320 Ημερομηνία Έκδοσης: 2023-03-20 Διαστάσεις: 21x14 Εξώφυλλο: Μαλακό εξώφυλλο

[manpetasgr]

ISBN: 978-960-16-1610-0 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine, Nyberg Lisa, Templeton Rosalyn Anstine Εκδότης: Εκδόσεις Πατάκη Σειρά: Διδακτική πράξη και θεωρία, Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 320 Ημερομηνία Έκδοσης: 2023-03-20 Διαστάσεις: 21x14 Εξώφυλλο: Μαλακό εξώφυλλο

[kwstasattgr]

ISBN: 978-960-16-1610-0 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine, Nyberg Lisa, Templeton Rosalyn Anstine Εκδότης: Εκδόσεις Πατάκη Σειρά: Διδακτική πράξη και θεωρία, Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 320 Ημερομηνία Έκδοσης: 2023-03-20 Διαστάσεις: 21x14 Εξώφυλλο: Μαλακό εξώφυλλο

[a078740849aposts]

ISBN: 978-960-16-1610-0 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine, Nyberg Lisa, Templeton Rosalyn Anstine Εκδότης: Εκδόσεις Πατάκη Σειρά: Διδακτική πράξη και θεωρία, Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 320 Ημερομηνία Έκδοσης: 2023-03-20 Διαστάσεις: 21x14 Εξώφυλλο: Μαλακό εξώφυλλο

[paginadepsihologie]

Adele Faber și Elaine Mazlish se bucură de un renume internațional pentru experiența lor în comunicarea dintre adulți și copii. Autoare multipremiate, au ocupat prima poziție în clasamentele New York Times.

[bookloverlounge]

Tiny Talk, Big Impact: How to Make Your Kids Hear You!

Unlock the secrets to harmonious parenting with "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk," a transformative guide by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This groundbreaking book offers practical strategies for fostering open communication and understanding between parents and children. Join us in this insightful video as we explore the key principles, share real-life anecdotes, and delve into interactive exercises that make these communication techniques come to life. Whether you're a new parent or navigating the challenges of adolescence, this video is a must-watch for anyone seeking a compassionate and effective approach to parenting. Don't miss out on the tools that can redefine your family dynamics – hit play now!

[obsidianmama]

HGP REVIEW- Ch 1, The WEIRDest Parents in the World

I'm already starting to feel like this book would be better with less background information. That's what most of this chapter felt like to me. Or maybe I'm just impatient for the actual parenting stuff.

We start with an anecdote again, this time about Doucleff sitting in the Cancún airport after her time spent researching the difference in Maya children's attention spans versus US (I assume) children's in certain situations. While there, she was blown away at how helpful the Maya children are, and how their mothers and grandmothers seemed peaceful compared to the overwhelming stress she and many other US parents were constantly under, living alongside and cooperating with their children without yelling, commanding, or nagging.

When she got home, she dove into research, reading scientific literature and contemporary parenting books alike, looking for information about Mayan parenting and finding next to nothing.

I thought that was kind of interesting. She doesn't say she went home and looked up more peaceful ways of parenting; she specifically looked up Mayan parenting. I can't say with any confidence what this means, I'm just saying it stood out to me. Because it WOULD have been possible to learn respectful parenting skills from USian authors and experts- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish was published in 1980. This book, for reference, was published in 2021, though unless I missed something it's not clear when these flashbacks are taking place.

But that's not what Doucleff says she was looking for. It doesn't necessarily mean she didn't try, the phrasing just stood out to me.

Next we learn why this chapter, as well as Section 1: The WEIRD Wild West (of which this chapter is part), have WEIRD in all caps in the title. The gist is that a couple of scientists started doing psychological experiments in people not just within, but outside of Europe and North America, and found that results from Europe and NA are often outliers compared to the rest of the world. They noted that 96% of all psychological studies were exclusively conducted on people from European backgrounds, making them useful for learning about the behavior of only a relatively small subset of humans, rather than general or fundamental human behavior.

They coined the acronym WEIRD, which stands for Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic. I feel like the use of some of those terms in these contexts might be... iffy, at best, but I'm not gonna get into it right now.

Just know that I'm already exhausted from how much heavy lifting the terms "Western" and "Euro-American" have been doing so far in this book.

Anyway, they get an anthropologist, David Lancy, in on it to see if this "WEIRD" outlier status holds true for parenting, and apparently it does, and Lancy highlights dozens of differences in parenting approach in his book The Anthropology of Childhood: Cherubs, Chattel, and Changelings. Maybe that'll be another book we can look into, depending on how this one goes. Anyway, one of those differences is the way families are structured.

I do have to give this book props for basically saying "abolish the nuclear family." I have read other parenting books mention that the phrase "it takes a village" is meant to be literal, and you're not really supposed to be taking on this amount of work as just one or two people, so it's unfortunately normal to get overwhelmed and even break down, but it comes off mostly as "don't feel bad for struggling with this; you're not really supposed to be able to handle this on your own." Which is an important message for overwhelmed parents to hear, but it's a very individual-level solution. While HGP doesn't outright say the words "abolish the nuclear family," it does take the idea to task.

Doucleff says that the nuclear family has not existed throughout 99.9% of human history, that the historical and natural state is for children to be collectively raised by large groups of extended family and kinsmen. They had a high degree of autonomy because they were always safely watched over, and adults were less stressed because the workload of monitoring and caring for children was distributed among many caregivers.

The degradation of these communities into isolated family units is therefore linked to the astronomical rise in post-partum anxiety and depression as well as childhood anxiety and depression. Knowledge normally circulated freely between kin and communities is now sequestered in parenting books, scientific publications, and parenting blogs. Extra arms for holding children and cooking meals are absent. Additionally, the burden of raising children has, in the last few centuries, disproportionately fallen to women- even with more and more women entering the work force in more recent decades, they still tend to shoulder most of the domestic workload.

A modern mother, Doucleff argues, "bears more of the parenting duty than ever in history, and yet she is the least prepared for the job" (27).

The position that a lack of support is a major, if not primary, reason for the decline in both parent and child well-being over the last several decades is one I've held for a while now, but I thought that last quote was a succinct and impactful framing of the situation.

I will say that by this point, as a nonbinary parent, I'm feeling a bit left out. Though I could have missed them, I didn't notice any instances of birthing parents being presumed to also be mothers- in fact I noticed the absence of such gendering of the role in the way the section about rising post-partum depression rates was phrased, which was nice. But I do notice a lot of use of "moms and dads" that excludes parents and caregivers who are neither of those things.

This is sort of where the chapter ends, but there's a bit of speculative history about why these changes in culture and parenting came about. There are a lot of theories, it seems, from the Industrial Revolution and capitalism to a love of privacy (yeah, hang on to that last one for a minute. But Doucleff chooses to again highlight the theory of John Henrich, which is that it all goes back to the Catholic Church.

I mean, historically speaking the Catholic Church has been the root cause of a lot of bullshit, so yeah, maybe.

The explanation is a bit interesting, but it's also speculation, snd not really important to the parenting, which is what I'd really like to get into, and I've written way more words about this chapter than I was hoping given how much I glossed over.

Next time we'll get into Chapter 2, the last chapter of Section 1. It's about why we parent the way we do (it's the chapter title, in fact) and I predict the answer will be that it has a lot to do with how we were parented, with influences from media and culture.

[kmnlv03]

"Promoting autonomy: How to develop independence in children"

Greetings to all! Today we will discuss the importance of encouraging autonomy, highlighted in the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. The authors provide valuable insights on how to develop children's independence.

Recognition of the need for independence: Every child strives for independence. Instead of controlling their every action, it is necessary to recognize their need for independence. Give them the opportunity to make decisions, which stimulates the development of their skills.

Setting clear expectations: Children often want to know what is expected of them. We need to discuss with them what tasks they can take on. For example, the order in the room, the choice of clothes, or planning your schedule.

Creating opportunities for choice: Give children the opportunity to make their own choices within a safe and reasonable framework. For example, ask them to choose between two dinner options. This not only encourages their autonomy, but also develops their decision-making skills.

Support in case of errors: Instead of criticizing, support the children if something doesn't work out. Discuss how you can solve the problem in a different way, and it should be emphasized that they learn in their experiments.

Responsibility Development: Encourage children to take responsibility for their actions and responsibilities.This will develop their skills that will be useful to them in the future.

Encouraging autonomy is, in short, support. Thank you for your attention!

[xionisgr]

ISBN: 9789601660790 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine Εκδότης: Πατάκης Σειρά: Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 264 Διαστάσεις: 14x21 Έτος έκδοσης: 2017

[manpetasgr]

ISBN: 9789601660790 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine Εκδότης: Πατάκης Σειρά: Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 264 Διαστάσεις: 14x21 Έτος έκδοσης: 2017

[kwstasattgr]

ISBN: 9789601660790 Συγγραφέας: Faber Adele, Mazlish Elaine Εκδότης: Πατάκης Σειρά: Πώς να μιλάτε... Σελίδες: 264 Διαστάσεις: 14x21 Έτος έκδοσης: 2017