#Eros kh poetry

[erosislost2]

Days of pain

As I sit in my days of pain

Aching bones and buzzing nerves

My mind flutters to the idea that maybe

Maybe I’m unloveable

My body is broken and achy

Pins and needles and the familiar throbbing ache.

Some days I can get through the day

But most Ive been hit by a truck,

Sore muscles and dislocating joints,

Dehydration and unbearable fatigue,

Trying not to fall asleep at work,

But struggling to sleep at night.

One day, maybe my body won’t be broken.

One day, maybe I’ll be loved.

One day, there won’t be aches and pains

- Eros KH

[erosislost2]

You

You are my biggest regret

Not because you hurt me

but because you let other people hurt me.

A father is supposed to protect his children,

yet I was left behind to fight for myself.

I wait for this python to strike,

walking on eggshells.

You refuse to fix the thing that causes me fear,

and even endorse it.

You have had chance after chance,

and now, 

I’m tired of being the better person.

I’m going to be just as bad as you,

I’m done with chances,

I’m done with betrayals,

I’m done with pythons.

I’m just getting started with leaving this old, pushover life.

The Python doesn’t control me,

I control it,

It cowers before me as I show that I am all that I need,

And no one else will take that away.

- Eros KH

[erosislost2]

The Flower and the Bee

Love

is the feeling I have for the only man who makes my heart twist.

He takes my heart and molds is back together after it has been shattered.

He takes the wilting flowers and brings them back to life.

He kisses the mental wounds I have earned through my life.

He is a winter’s day with a pet, a cup of cocoa, and a fireplace.

He is the way my favorite movie makes me feel.

His gentle hold on my heart makes me coo and sigh in delight.

Love is a simple yet difficult thing.

Love is full of irony, hurt, and comfort.

He treats me like a king and teaches me how to retain that confidence when he is missing.

I am confident because of his teachings.

He teaches me self love and how to be myself.

He allows me to be my own person without him.

He stays in my life even when absent.

He remains in my mind and even while gone teaches me how to be strong.

My lover is a man of tough love, hard as a rock yet as soft as the grass underneath. 

He understands not how to be completely gentle, but how to guide me to the comfort of his arms.

Many will not understand that he does not show pda.

Many will not understand that he is shy in ways.

He is mindful and understanding of my emotions.

But he also makes sure to tell me his own.

My lover is a man of many things.

But he is no coward to the difficulties of communication.

He searches for what hurts me and asks how to heal it.

He is violent to those to hurt me, but he understand when to stop.

He is possessive but allows me freedom.

He knows he cannot control me and loves me for such.

He loves all my flaws even when they annoy him.

He is my bee, I am his flower.

He pollinates my self confidence and I bring his love to life.

he is my bumblebee.

I am his lily of the valley.

We grow amongst each other.

Equal.

He may sit on the throne but I advise him from behind it.

For he is my king but I am his loyal, regent knight.

Equal.

Our relationship is equal.

We both have the same amount of power.

And I love him for the way he guides me out of unhealthy habits.

Many will say I should view him as the sun,

However, he is not my sun, for I could live without him but It would be with another. 

For he is my bee, and I am his flower. - Eros KH

[erosislost2]

Autumn

Autumn is coming to a close

With November having arrived 

I begin to feel the sweet chill of the winter air.

The falling of leaves

The spots of color

The crunch of old leaves under heavy boots

Swerving my longboard around leaves to see how many I can avoid. 

The wind blowing in my hair as I fly down hills

The uncertainty on certain turns

My hoodies and warm sweaters.

The jeans and platform boots.

Red leaves and cloudy skies

Cold air and burning lungs

Mist and apples.

Cinnamon and tobacco

And most of all

You and I in front of the fire holding cocoa.

For you are my favorite thing about Autumn.

- Eros KH

[erosislost2]

pressure under the skin

My body hurts so bad.

My joint are achy like pressure under the skin

It hurts to lay down, stand, or to sit.

My body is heavy

Im so, so tired

The days feel so long now

I already want to retire.

Thirty more years and im sure Ill lay down and die.

For this pressure under the skin

Is bringing the end to my beginning in.

Chronic pain is torturous 

Just like sitting behind a slow car.

your body wants to move but your legs Hurt and are tired.

Fatigue awaits you right as you get up

And the aches and creaks just wont seem to stop

My body feels so heavy

With pressure under the skin

Im better off in the ground

Than lying in this dirty pen.

-Eros KH

[erosislost2]

I’m so tired

I’m not perfect. 

I feel like I’ve been falsely wired.

I don’t even know if this is worth it.

I play your stupid games

and I know I said I loved you

but I’m tired of being tame.

I’m tired of being treated like shit and I’m sure you are too

so please let me breathe 

let me go

please let me leave.

You can’t tell me no

I have my own life

I want to find a home

and I don’t want a knife

I want a place to roam.

You tell me I’m worthless

But I know what your trying to do

and I’m not worth less

I want something new

and it all starts now

it starts with you

I can show you how

and it starts with me too.

- Eros KH

[erosislost2]

Untitled

I am lonely 

My days are long

My nights are short

I long for the touch of another

I am broken

I am cracked

I am in love

I long for his attention again

I wish he were here.

I want to be kissed with the passion they gave me.

I want to be wanted the way he wanted me

I want them to love me

But I left him

and they left me

and I haven’t come back

and they don’t miss me.

I want his kiss

and I want their attention

but I am the problem

I am why I dont find love

I want to be loved

but am I ready for that?

am I ready to be loved.

...

...

Yes. I am.

I am ready to be loved again.

And I am ready to love back.

-Eros KH

[erosislost2]

False Smiles

I’m alright.

I’m Fine.

I don’t need your help.

But it’s all lies.

All things I say to be alone.

I don’t want to be alone

But all I know is false smiles.

False smiles get people out of your business.

But they aren’t healthy.

And I don’t know how many more I can bare.

I want to go home but my home isn’t home.

It’s an empty house full of false smiles.

I’m not alright.

I’m sure as hell not fine.

I need your help.

And it’s okay to need it.

It’s alright to crave attention from someone.

It’s alright to wish to want the childhood you never got back.

I damn well wish I had that childhood back.

And I know so many others do too.

I want a mother who can hug me and tell me she loves me.

I want a mother who doesn’t assume I want something when I say I love you.

But I won’t get one, but my chosen family can replace her.

I will feel love.

And will no longer hide behind

those forgotten false smiles.

-Eros KH

[erosislost2]

Drained

I feel drained

Like I’ve lost my ability to exist.

I don’t ever feel like getting up

or leaving my house

but the routine keeps me going

keeps me moving

this routine 

that gets me closer to leaving this energy draining home.

I’m sure it’s not a home

I’m sure it’s just a place I rest

but when will physical rest become emotional and mental rest as well

when will I fully feel rested.

When will I be replenished.

I am drained

but I am working on replenishing.

I am like an exhausted resource

I need to rest

but I cannot.

I am constantly used when I am found

One day, though, I will find that final resting point, and I will replenish.

- Eros KH